#also they told me that it changes your birth document and that no one can ask for the old one and doesnt have any value legally

[yael-art-den]

Happy to report that I am now legally a man (whereas before I was being one illegally)

[walks-the-ages]

OP deactivated, and some of the links were broken/marked unsafe by Firefox, so here's a new compilation post of Leslie Feinburg's (She/her, ze/hir) novels and essays on being transgender:

Stone Butch Blues official free source directly from Author's website:

Stone Butch Blues, backup on the webarchive:

Transgender Liberation: A movement whose time has come, on the web archive:

Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman, on the web archive:

Lavender and Red, PDF essay collection:

Drag King Dreams, on the web archive:

(Also, if anyone ever tells you that the protagonist of Stone Butch Blues ""ends up with a man""........ they're transmisogynistic jackass TERFs who are straight up lying)

Please also check out your local public libraries for these books and see if they carry them, to help support public libraries! If you have a library card already you can checkout Libby and Overdrive to see if your public library carries it as an ebook that you can checkout :)

EDIT: another not included on the orignal masterpost-- Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or blue !

annnnnd in light of the web archive losing it's court case, here's a backup of both PDFs and generated epubs a friend made:

5/26/2023: hello! I am adding on yet another book of queer history, this time the autobiography of Karl Baer, a Jewish, intersex trans man who was born in 1884! Please signal boost this version, and remember to check the notes whenever this crosses your dash for any new updates :)

6/24/2023:

Two links to share!

Someone made an Epub version of Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years, which you can find Here , as a more accessible version than a pdf of a scanned book if you're like me and need larger text size for reading--

And from another post I reblogged earlier today, I discovered the existence of "TransSisters: the Journal of Transsexual Feminism", which has 10 issues from 1993-1995, and includes multiple interviews with Leslie Feinburg and other queer feminists / activists of the 90s!

Here's a link to all 10 issues of TransSisters, plus a 1996 "look back at" by one of the writers after the journal ended, you can find all 10 issues on the Internet Archive Here !

------

8/28/2023:

"Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out", can be found on the web archive Here, for the 25th Anniversary Edition from 2015,

and also Here, for the original 1991 version.

Each of the above can be borrowed for one hour at a time as long as a copy is available :D

This is a living post that receives sporadic updates on the original, if you are seeing this on your dash, click Here to see the latest version of the post to make sure you're reblogging the most up to date one :)

------------

October, 25th 2023:

"I began to dawdle over breakfast during shift changes, asking both waitresses questions. After weeks of inquiries, they invited me to a demonstration, outside Kleinhan's Music Hall, protesting the Israeli war against Egypt and Syria. I was particularly interested in that protest. The state of Israel had been declared shortly before my birth. In Hebrew school I was taught "Palestine was a land without peo-ple, for a people without a land." That phrase haunted me as a child. I pictured ears with no one in them, and movies projected on screens in empty theaters. When I checked a map of that region of the Middle East in my school geography textbook, it was labeled Palestine, not Israel. Yet when I asked my grandmother who the Palestinians were, she told me there were no such people. The puzzle had been solved for me in my adolescence. I developed a strong friendship with a Lebanese teenager, who explained to me that the Palestinian people had been driven off their land by Zionist settlers, like the Native peoples in the United States. I studied and thought a great deal about all she told me. From that point on I staunchly opposed Zionist ideology and the occupation of Palestine. So I wanted to go to the protest. However, I feared the demonstration, no matter how justified, would be tainted by anti-Semitism. But I was so angered by the actions of the Israeli government and military, that I went to the event to check it out for myself. That evening, I arrived at Kleinhan's before the protest began. Cops in uniforms and plainclothes surrounded the music hall. I waited impatiently for the protesters to arrive. Suddenly, all the media swarmed down the street. I ran after them. Coming over the hill was a long column of people moving toward Kleinhan's. The woman who led the march and spoke to reporters proudly told them she was Jewish! Others held signs and banners aloft that read: "Arab Land for Arab People!" and "Smash Anti-Semitism!" Now those were two slogans I could get behind! I wanted to know who these people were and where they had been all my life! Hours later I followed the group back to their headquarters. Orange banners tacked up on the walls expressed solidarity with the Attica prisoners and the Vietnamese. One banner particularly haunted me. It read: Stop the War Against Black America, which made me realize that it wasn't just distant wars that needed opposing. Yet although I worked with two members of this organization, I felt nervous that night. These people were communists, Marxists! Yet I found it easy to get into discussions with them. I met waitresses, factory workers, secretaries, and truck drivers. And I decided they were some of the most principled people I had ever met..." Transgender Warriors (1996) Leslie Feinberg

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

The creator had a:

sea streaked child

WC:800

Cw: reader is said to breastfeed but isn't written doing so

Checking the blinds to make sure they were clean, remaking the ruffles so they are even.

Furina had spent her entire morning jittery walking everywhere in the palais mermonia.

Now across the room she is digging in between the blue roses hiding any less than stellar bloom under one of its prettier sisters.

Changing the tea set on the table in the middle of the room, cerulean blue, cobalt blue and sky blue swapping places faster than Neuvillette can pay any mind to.

She sighs, looking defeated at the sets and almost begging them to tell her which one is supposed to be best yet for one second the teapots looked like mocking faces. Throwing herself on a loveseat the room starts to feel smaller and she isn't even totally sure what tea to serve.

“Breath” neuvillette says from the desk, ever since he took over the leading role in Fontaine he spent more time between pages of legal documents, if that is even possible “they are arriving for a simple chat to check on the general management of the region”

“How do you even expect me to be calm when they themselves asked for my attendance for this meeting!” she sits up wobbly, the soft swirling getting worse “I can't even remember what cake you told me they liked… this is going to be a mess”

“Their grace has quite the sweet tooth, as long as what you planned doesn't have coffee it's going to be alright”

“Why no coffee?”

“miss furina… they gave birth a few days ago, it’s disadvised to breastfeed and have caffeinated drinks” seeing her nod and her little ahoge bobbing along he feels the need to confirm “that not only includes coffee and variations but also most teas” and with that she jumps to her feet, quickly excusing herself to make some changes.

“That child…” he sighs as he reviews the documents he wanted to show you and a rough overview, his head resting against his hand and a finger between his teeth. Feeling the door whining softly he laughs from the bottom of his throat “back soon early?”

And as his heart skipped a beat as you spoke “Oh, my, I know I am 30 minutes early but I thought you would like to meet me particularly” you walk deeper inside the room, past the meticulously fixed flowers that you wouldn't have noticed the mistakes on and past the three teapots on the table, each a slightly different shade of blue. Now standing besides neuvillette and facing the documents he just noticed the bundle of white cloth you held onto.

“Did the crops get better with the method I recommended? It left me worried when I left”

“The production got better, if you want to check the report is here” he offers the three papers stuck together by a metal clip when he notices that doing it with a single hand might be hard “if I might help you” he positions his arms to grab the baby and you let her between his arms

“Let's hope she stays asleep, she is such a colicky baby” you whisper but as soon as you finish the sentence she opens her eyes and starts wailing “my goodness…” you sigh deeply.

“Let me take care of it, just focus on that” he stands up and tries to mimic what he saw parents do with their small children whenever something upsetting might come up during the trials and small children would cry.

He grabs her neck and head with one hand and her legs with another, cradling her like you. As he was swaying softly the blanket covering her hair slid down to show pointy ears and softly cartilage mixing on her thin white hair.

“Is she…” but is soon shushed by you, pointing at the door and then to your ears, the message very clear ‘someone might be listening’ but he keeps his eyes glued to you only to catch you mouthing a soundless yes. His hands cradle her head onto his neck, soft blue cartilage sneaking past his fingers.

Now soothed, you two find comfort on the soft sound of passing the pages and Cordelia's breathing, the baby's name he would later find out.

“NEUVI I managed to get a cheesecake and fontas did i save this?!” Furina pushes past the door, holding a full size strawberry cheesecake and hugging three fontas against her chest but seeing you head on thinking you weren't on Fontaine yet “HIYY”

The screech caused Cornelia to get startled and start wailing “Miss Furina.” neuvillette says sternly, almost like a father telling off his daughter. But the only thing it caused was for her to see him hugging a baby suspiciously similar to him which didn't take her long to join the dots.

“OOAH!”

“Furina please stop scaring my daughter!”

[phoward89]

Banner by me, dividers by @saradika-graphics

Coriolanus Snow might be a heartless monster, but he'll always be yours. You'll always be his obsession. And that was one thing that Dr. Gaul underestimated her protege about: his obsession with you.

Masterlist here

Heartless Pt. 2

Coriolanus always thought that if he ever laid eyes on you again that he'd kill you. Wrap his hands around your neck, squeeze, and watch your life force drain out of you. He always thought that he'd look deep into your eyes until they glazed over with the death that he brought you.

But Coriolanus never thought that when he saw you again that he'd be keeping vigil at your bedside, watching your ashen form weak and in an endless sleep, while rocking your- his newborn son in his arms.

A son that he only found out about when your older brother called him up, frantic.

That call changed everything. It replayed in his mind on an endless loop as he stared at you, hopelessly willing you to open your eyes.

Coriolanus was sitting in his office in the lab. He finally got promoted from intern to assistant. Coriolanus was right underneath Dr.Gaul; he was proud of how quickly he was promoted.

7 months of hard work had paid off. He now had power, authorization to top secret projects and documents, and a large say so when it came to gamemaker duties. His work was very important to him; he had the steel spine that it took to make the hard decisions that some other game make s and interns turned green about.

Coriolanus Snow was rewarded because he was a heartless monster that did anything to get the result that he needed. That he wanted. He would do anything to see the games remain a success, even if that meant proposing some measures that would make the game a total spectucal.

Dr. Gaul approved of all of his ideas and suggestions. And the one that she pushed for, well he approved of and pressured the other low level gamemakers into approving it too.

It was genius, his mentor’s idea.

Having all children born on District Peacekeeper Bases be registered as a district citizen belong to the district of their birth instead of being granted automatic Capitol citizenship would ensure that their was a larger participation pool for the games; it also prevented too many officers from muddying their Capitol blood with that of district scum.

Coriolanus was looking over a chart for a mutt experiment whenever his private office phone started to ring.

Ring, ring ring…Ring, ring, ring…Ring, ring, ring…

Oh no, was Grandma'am’s memory worsening? Was she giving Ma Plinth a hard time? God, he hopes not.

Ring, ring, ring…

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he let out a deep sigh before picking up the phone. “Assistant Gamemaker, Coriolanus Snow. Whom may I be speaking with?”

“Snow, it’s Officer Rein Halvir, Y/N’s older brother. I'm calling because I need you to get to the base in District 12 right away. Y/N’s been in labor for nearly 36 hours, the doctor won't do a cesarean because Dr. Gaul put into effect a new policy that surgical resources can only be used for peacekeepers and not any civilians living on base, and it's not looking good, Coriolanus.”

“What?...” Was all Coriolanus could say. He was stunned. You could possibly be dying in childbirth? With a child he didn't know about? And on a district base.

On a district base.

Oh no! Not that!

“She was afraid to tell you, Snow. You had her terrified with the stalking: nonstop roses and jewelry. Our mother sent her to stay with me. Once it was announced that children born on district bases would be district citizens and eligible for the games, I tried to get her to go back to the Capitol, but mother refused to let her come back. I even told Y/N to call you; try to work things out with you, but she refused. Said that you never loved her; wouldn't care what happened to her or the baby.”

“I’ll talk to Dr. Gaul about approving a cesarean for Y/N right away.” Coriolanus told Rein as his dead heart started to bleed.

“Thank you, Snow.” Rein replied, a hint of gratefulness in his normally stern tone. “Will you be coming to the base? To see-” your brother began to ask, only for your ex to cut him off with, “I’ll be there, but only because I don't want my child raised in such a filthy, mud hole of a district as 12.”

Coriolanus didn't say another word. Just hung up his phone.

Machines beeped, monitoring you as you slept. Coriolanus felt that you looked dead, not asleep. He was so angry. You weren't supposed to be unconscious in your bed. You were supposed to be up, sitting in bed, holding your baby. You were supposed to scream and cry at him when he walked into your room. You weren't supposed to be just lying there, hanging in-between life and death.

Not when he had faxed the paperwork with Dr. Gaul's signature for the approval of your emergency cesarean.

You were supposed to be okay. You and the baby both. Not just the baby.

As Coriolanus watched you, waiting for a sign of life, he got lost in the recent memory of when he first saw you again.

When Coriolanus got off the train at the District 12 depot, he thought your brother would be there to greet him, but he was wrong. Instead, he had to make his own way to the District 12 base. Thank God he knew where it was, from his short stint as a peacekeeper, otherwise he'd be lost.

The walk to the base was long and grueling. He’d forgotten how far off the base was from the train depot. From the main part of the district itself.

Once he reached the on base hospital, he inquired about your whereabouts and was told where to find you. When he walked into your room, he was expecting you to be tired, but conscious. He even thought you'd be holding or nursing the baby.

Coriolanus never thought he'd walk into your room only to see you hooked up to a machine with your brother’s girlfriend (some district trash he picked up at the hob) by your side. A baby bassinet between your bed and her chair.

She introduced herself as Ashlie (didn't give a surname, not like he cared) and gestured to the bassinet, only to tell him, “That's your son, Cassian Xandros.”

Cassian Xandros.

A name befitting a Snow heir.

“You may go now. I'll watch over her.” Coriolanus told the skinny girl, who looked to be from the Seam. He didn't even bother to introduce himself. He just wanted her to go so he could- hell he didn't know, he guessed sit by your bedside until you woke up, but he didn't want some district whore watching him as he sat by your bedside with your son.

His son.

Cassian Xandros.

Ashlie nodded, a pitiful look in her eyes. She felt bad for both you and Coriolanus, but was too afraid to voice her opinion. The Seam girl just scurried out of the room, leaving Coriolanus alone with you and your son.

She didn't know much about what happened between the two of you, just what Rein told her. And your brother didn't share much since he only knew the handful of facts that you shared with him.

What both Rein and Ashlie knew for certain was that your son with his pure Capitol blood and fine Snow linage was doomed for a chance to fight for his life in the infamous death battle royale known as the Hunger Games all because he was born on Peacekeeper Base-12.

Her heart broke for you, Coriolanus, and your son because no matter if you lived or died, well the platinum blonde father would never be able to bring his son home to the Capitol with him. District born citizens of Panem were forbidden to travel outside of their district of birth unless it was to be delivered to the Capitol as a tribute for the annual Hunger Games. Due to the new rules and laws put into place regarding children born on bases being registered at birth as a citizen of the district of the base, your son was forbidden to leave District 12.

If you die, well, Coriolanus will have to give Cassian Xandros up to Rein (and Ashlie) to raise. That subject’s the reason why your brother’s avoiding Snow.

Once your brother's girlfriend had left, Coriolanus sat down in the chair she had once been occupying. He sadly sighed as he took in your condition.

When his eyes landed on his son, he felt pride well up in his chest. The boy, Cassian Xandros, had his natural platinum blonde hair.

He looked just like him.

Was his little mini me.

He gently picked up his baby boy and cradled him to his chest. When Cassian began to stir Coriolanus rocked him. “Don't worry, son, I got rid of the evil lady that tried to take you and your mother away from me.”

Cassian blinked his eyes open, revealing them to be blue. Coriolanus smiled at his son, seeing that he had striking blue eyes, and told his son, “You're mine and your mother's mine. Nobody ever takes what's mine and gets away with it.”

The baby just blinked at his father, not understanding anything he was saying since, after all, he was just a newborn, and then scrunched his nose. He then closed his eyes and went to sleep in his father's arms.

His father's murderous, monstrous arms.

When your eyes fluttered open, Coriolanus felt a sense of relief he didn't know possible. After not knowing if you'd ever wake up, seeing your beautiful eyes again was like heaven.

And to think that he had once vowed to kill you if he ever crossed your path again. But that was when he thought you gave up on him.

No, things changed when he realized that you were trying to protect the Snow heir because you felt unsafe after that package you recieved.

That damn package Dr. Gaul, his mentor, had sent you. A tape with a letter persuading you that he was incapable of loving you.

A letter he didn't know about until Dr. Gaul let it slip when he approached her about signing off on your emergency cesarean forms.

Too bad she let it slip…Well, too bad for her since it ended her career. And ended her too, by the hands of her most prized prodigy.

The memory makes Coriolanus smile as it washed over him like a warm waterfall.

Coriolanus strode into Dr. Gaul's private lab, where she had her latest deadly mutt experiment in a terrarium, with one mission in mind. To get Dr. Gaul's approval for your cesarean.

He might hate you for leaving, but he didn't want you to die in childbirth with his baby. He didn't want you and your child to succumb to the same fate as his mother and baby sister.

Not when he could help it.

He was a child when his mother and baby sister died during child birth in the Dark Days, he was helpless when it came to their fate.

But now Coriolanus was a man, a very successful one that had cunning, wits, and charm to carry him far. He had an endless supply of money too. He was no longer helpless when it came to the fate of his- well his heir and it's mother during a deadly childbirth.

Coriolanus now has the means to beat fate when it came to death in the birthing bed; he was going to make sure that you and his heir did not share the same fate his mother and baby sister all those years ago during the war.

“Dr. Gaul, I need you to sign off on an emergency cesarean for Miss Y/N Halvir. She's at the military hospital ob Peacekeeper Base-12.”

“Hippity, hoppity, looks like Snow's melting for a baby boppity.” Dr. Gaul sing-songed in a mocking cackle as she watched the mutts moving around in their tank.

They looked agitated, starved even, as their colorful bodies slithered around, sharp claws scratching their glass enclosure, and sharp teeth gnashing and snapping.

The mad scientist was teasing them by holding a bucket full of food, pulling a rodent from it and dangling it by the glass terrarium. She was teasing them, gauging their reaction to her lunchtime torture.

She had snatched away her most successful experiment’s most desperately wanted meal before he could eat; Dr. Gaul had even spoon fed him a meal that was just as good, but not what he wanted. It was what he needed, what she needed him to have to be the monstrous creature she wanted by her side to do her bidding.

She enjoyed teasing and taunting her experiments.

The only creatures of hers that she actually fed were her eels. But…they were more like beloved, dangerous, pets then mutts at this point since Dr. Gaul's had them for so many years.

Dr. Gaul placed the squirming mouse back into the bucket, turning away from the glass tank to look at Coriolanus. “No.” She simply said before walking across the lab to shelf the bucket of rodents.

She'd have an assistant feed the baby anthropomorphic reptiles in the terrarium later, after she shooed away her favorite creation, Mr. Snow, and had her milk and crackers.

“No?” Coriolanus parroted, his tone full of disbelief.

How dare she tell him no? He wasn't asking her to authorize a procedure on anyone, but the mother of his child.

“But, Dr. Gaul, without the procedure Y/N and the baby might die.”

“If they die then they die, Coriolanus.” The mad scientist shrugged nonchalantly. “Death is a natural part of life. If someone weaker or lesser than is removed from the cycle of life then it just proves that their contribution to the ecosystem would not have mattered. Death is the natural way of purging those creatures that are useless in the world.”

Coriolanus could not believe what he was hearing. His mentor was giving him a lecture on why he needed to let the mother of his child and his heir die.

Was he supposed to agree with her?

Well, he couldn't do that.

He didn't want his heir to die.

And you…well…he wanted to be the one that killed you. For leaving him, of course.

“I'm not talking about weak helpless creatures, I'm talking about-” Coriolanus began to say, only for the mad scientist to cut him off with a scoff.

“The little girl that left you over a few words of warning penned in a letter and your damning tape of your best friend Sejanus’ rebel plot. Her bastard offspring that’ll be as weak hearted as its mother. That's who you're talking about, Mr. Snow.” Dr. Gaul told, not asked, Coriolanus as she crossed her lab. Going over to where she had a small table with crackers and milk set up for her snack.

A letter? What letter? He knew about the tape, but not a letter. You never told him about the letter.

“Might as well be weak helpless creatures, considering their dire circumstances and the lowly district they're in.” The mad woman added in as a slight after thought.

“I never told you she received a letter.” Coriolanus, who had figured out what Dr. Gaul has done, told the scientist while following her. His floor shines clicked heavily against the linoleum floor as he told her, “The only way you'd know would be if you sent it.”

Taking a seat at her small snack table, the scientist with wild, frizzy hair, giggled, “Oh, yes, you see, it was indeed me that sent the weak little girl that care package.” Reaching for her napkin and snapping it open, she evilly grinned, “Miss Y/N Halvir and the bastard she carries would only have held you back.” Setting her napkin on her lap, she explained, “The feelings they would have invoked in you would only make you weak.” Giving her protege a proud smile, she giddily announced, “I only made you stronger by removing an element not needed in your life at the moment.” Reaching for a cracker that was on a plate, Dr. Gaul failed to see the rage in Coriolanus' blue eyes. Perhaps if she did, she wouldn't have said, “You should be thanking me, for making you stronger and more powerful then you could have been months ago with the weakness of that stupid girl and the vile creature she's incubating.”

Hearing Dr. Gaul calling you stupid and calling his child a vile creature was the final straw that broke the camel's back. Coriolanus was barely hanging onto his sanity when he realized that Dr. Gaul made you leave him, made you want to protect his child from any dangers (including him) because of a letter and a tape she sent you. But the moment she insulted you, the woman that has consumed his thoughts and has been his obsession since his freshman year in the Academy, and his child in a way that made you seem inhuman, well, he snapped.

He was blinded with rage as he pounced on the mad scientist, catching her off guard and causing her to fall backwards; off her chair.

Coriolanus kneeled over her while wrapping his hands around her throat.

“Y/N was mine, you knew she was mine, and you took her from me! You took her and our child from me when you knew all I wanted was a life with her!” Coriolanus wildly exclaimed as he choked the life out of Dr. Gaul.

“Everything I've ever done was all for her! I needed to win the Plinth prize for her, for our life together, and I had to find a way out of the Peacekeepers, out of 12, for her! You knew that and still, you made her think she meant nothing to me; made her view me as a monster and leave me!” The platinum blonde ranted as his long fingers pressed so hard into the dark skinned woman’s neck that the bones began to crack.

Dr. Gaul gasped for air as her lungs felt like they were going to explode. Her eyes were wide and frenzied with the horrific realization that her favorite mutt, the monster she molded and shaped, had turned on her all because somewhere deep down inside of his black, dead heart, he still had a space reserved for his childhood sweetheart.

The blood vessels in Dr. Gaul's eyes burst due to the pressure Coriolanus was applying to her airway. He smirked wickedly as he watched the life drain from her.

“Snow lands on top.” Was the last thing Dr. Gaul heard before she died and went straight to hell.

Coriolanus, upon seeing that the evil scientist was dead, quickly tossed her into the pool of eels to cover up the crime.

Then he forged her signature on the documents needed for your cesarean; faxed them to the hospital on the base in District 12. He also made a quick note in her desk planner stating that he had to take an emergency family leave due to the birth of his first child. It was the perfect alibi to cover his tracks. Nobody would question his whereabouts if they thought Dr. Gaul herself authorized your emergency cesarean, authorized his family leave as well.

You were weak as you took in the bright artificial lights of your hospital room. When you tried to sit up, you were gently stopped by a large hand you hadn't seen in months. “You need to rest, darling. You're still weak.” A baritone you never thought you'd ever hear again told you.

Looking towards the voice, you saw Coriolanus sitting by your bedside with your baby in his arms. Your heart stopped beating and all you could say was, “My baby.”

You didn't know if you were afraid that your ex was holding your son or overwhelmed with a sick sense of joy, but all you knew was that you wanted your baby.

“Our baby, Y/N.” Coriolanus corrected you before standing and placing the newborn into your awaiting arms.

As you held your son to your chest, you shuddered and began crying. The last thing you remember was passing out and when you woke up…well…you had no idea what happened to the baby.

“Did my brother call you?” You asked, realizing that's the only way Coriolanus would know where to find you. Honestly, you were shocked he even came when Rein called.

“Yes.” The platinum blonde nodded. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he wrapped an arm around your back and promised, “As soon as your cleared to leave, I'm bringing you and Cassian Xandros home with me, to the Capitol.”

Looking between your son, nestled soundly in your arms, and his father, you sadly sighed, “Cassian's district, Coriolanus. He was born on base; he won't be allowed on the train.”

“Don't worry about that, my darling rose. I promise, our son will be allowed to return to the Capitol with us.”

You doubted your ex’s words, but nodded anyways.

Little did you know that Coriolanus threatened to kill the nurse’s family who gave him the registration papers for your son if he was marked down as anything, but born in Capitol General.

Like hell was his son, his heir, going to be district. His son wasn't going to grow up in a filthy mud hole. And he sure as hell wasn't going to be fighting for his life in the games.

Coriolanus kills so that his son, Cassian, doesn't have to.

So, folded up neatly in his pocket was a birth certificate that falsely states that Cassian Xandros Snow was born at Capitol General, in Capitol City, Panem.

Even tho Coriolanus Snow was a heartless monster, he was yours. He’s always been obsessed with you and now that you share a child with him, well, even the devil couldn't keep you and your son from him.

After all, he did send the wicked witch of the Citadel to hell for you and his son.

Tags: @kuroosbby001, @purriteen, @poppyflower-22, @meetmeatyourworst, @whipwhoops, @bxtchopolis, @readingthingsonhere,@savagenctzen, @ryswritingrecord, @erikasurfer, @tulips2715, @universal-s1ut, @thesmutconnoisseur, @squidscottjeans, @sudek4l, @wearemadeofstardust0, @mashiromochi, @gracieroxzy, @belcalis9503, @shari-berri, @aoi-targaryen, @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons , @qoopeeya , @mfnqueen1

[souliebird]

[[and then I met you || ch. 5]]

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to protect his new family from not only Hell's Kitchen but from the world.

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

words: 4.4k

It has been one week since you saw Matt Murdock on the evening news, and it feels like it has been a complete whirlwind. First, you reintroduced yourself to him and let him know he was a father, then you had a nice little outing, and to tie it all up, a trip to the doctors to confirm what you already knew. 

Matthew Murdock is the father of your daughter.

It is nice to have an official statement from a doctor and now you can start the process of changing Minnie's paperwork to include his name. You have to go to the courthouse to file for an updated birth certificate. Matt has very kindly offered to take that task on for you - he goes to the courthouse often for his job and he knows the ins-and-outs of navigating legal paperwork. You just have to go and drop off the right documentation. 

You had a brief call last night, after Minnie had been put down, and decided that you would visit his office today to do just that. You are going to kill two birds with one stone - hand over what needs to be filed and give Matt more time with his daughter. 

To your great surprise, your timid little Mouse absolutely adores him. She was not happy to have to be at the doctor's office yesterday and was on the verge of tears before he showed up. Her whole mood shifted, and she had spent the brief time you were in the waiting room and exam room telling Matt about different things around them. 

You have a feeling, when you sit down and tell her the truth, she is going to be thrilled. 

You told her that you are going to visit Matt at work today, and all morning she has been hunched over her sketchbook making pictures for him while you try to get in some hours at work. Try being the key word, as you've been thoroughly distracted by today's news cycle. 

You were half listening to a puff piece about something or other when breaking news flashed across the screen. A neighborhood in Connecticut has been leveled by some sort of explosion, killing hundreds. They don't know if it was an accident or some sort of attack - the epicenter of the blast was a school, so it could potentially be either. You pray it was a freak accident, some faulty pipeline or a weird meteor, because the world doesn't need any more horribleness in it. 

The idea that it might have been an attack makes you nervous. You've been through two horrible attacks on New York, and you didn't realize another big event so close to home would shake you so hard. 

It scares you that you have to raise Minnie in such a harsh world, where monsters of all kinds are very very real and you don't know who you can rely on. The police and government have been shown to be all kinds of corrupt and people who can shoot laser beams fight each other in the skies. 

You end up clocking out and going to sit with Minnie to get yourself to stop your doom-listening. She's got a few drawings scattered around the table and you pick up the one closest to you, smiling at her handy work. 

You recognize the shapes as her interpretation of people - oblongs with stick arms and noodle legs. Unknowingly, she's made her first new family portrait. There are three blob-people all holding hands: you suspect you're the big orange one with a smile, Minnie is the little pink one in the middle with what you guess are pigtails, and Matt is the black one with red eyes, who is also holding a stick. To confirm, you ask her.

"Is this one Mister Matt?"

Her head shoots up and a big grin spreads across her face, "Yeah!  And that's you and that's me and we're gonna go to the zoo!" There is a little flurry of motion and suddenly you are getting a picture show. She holds up the paper she was working on - there's another family drawing, but this time there's green scribbles all around you and a blue square with zig zags all over it. You guess that is some sort of animal. 

"You want to go to the zoo with Mister Matt?" You ask, examining her masterpiece.

"Yeah!" She says, pulling over another picture that you know are her versions of flowers, even if they are all different colors. "And the park!"

"And the park? Wow, that's a lot of things to do. Do you want to ask him if he wants to go to the zoo with us when we see him today?" Minnie eagerly nods at the question and that makes you smile. "Okay, we can invite him to the zoo. When are we going to the zoo?"

The question makes her bounce in excitement, "My birthday!" 

You laugh at her enthusiasm and give her a little back rub, "Exactly. We're going to go for your birthday. And get a big cake with whatever you want on it." That makes her a giggly mess and you temporarily forget all the bad things in the world. 

You hand her back her drawing before kissing the top of her hair, "How about you finish this one up and we get ready to go see Mister Matt? We can only visit for a little bit, because he's working, but I bet he'll love everything you made him."

Greedy little hands take back the paper and instantly Mouse is hunched back over her zoo scene, purple crayon in hand. You get up and go to make sure that you have everything you need to bring to Matt in order. You are extremely lucky that the doctor has the ability to print out things in Braille, so you don't need to make an extra stop to get things translated. 

You debate bringing Matt lunch, but ultimately decide against it. You don't want to push too much too fast, and you think it might be a little weird for his coworkers, to see a random person bring him homemade lunch. You know he hasn't told anyone yet about yourself and Minnie - he had shyly admitted it didn't feel real until the test results were given and you completely get it. 

You tidy up until you spy Mouse dropping her crayons into her bucket and cleaning up her drawing area. You let her do her thing, then approach, "Let's put your drawings with the other things we need to give Mister Matt. That way they won't get lost or wrinkled."

She nods like you've just said something very wise and gathers up her stack of papers before handing them over. There's five in total; the three she showed you and two more full of colorful lines. You decide you'll listen in on her explanation to Matt on those two, as you're curious as to what goes on in her little mind. 

Once everything is safe and ready to go, it's just a matter of getting shoes on. You go with your sensible sneakers while Minnie opts for her frog themed Wellingtons. The plan is for both of you to walk to the office, and after one final wallet-keys-phone check in your purse, you head out hand-in-hand.

It's mid-morning, so foot traffic is decent, but not heavy - nothing that makes Minnie too uncomfortable. Dark clouds are gathering on the horizon, and it makes you wonder if the rain that has been promised in the forecast will be coming sooner than expected and you are glad this outing is the only one you have planned. Taking Minnie around in the rain is never fun. It always seems like everything becomes more bustling in the rain and trying to navigate that with a crying toddler just makes you want to cry as well. 

But the promise of her new favorite person and mild weather has her walking like the born and bred New Yorker she is - a determined little pout with no nonsense steps. No one will be trying to sell her things on the sidewalks once she gets bigger. If she had a different personality, you'd want to teach her to say "Hey, I'm walking here" just to hear a toddler say it. 

As you spy the building Matt's office is in, you realize you should have sent him a text to say you were on your way. You did let him know vaguely what time you planned to stop by and he had assured you that they had no appointments - it was catch up on paperwork day - but that didn't mean walk-in clients hadn't come by. You're so close to already being there that you think the gesture is pointless, so you just keep walking until you get to the building.

"This is where we are going," you tell Minnie as you approach. You scoop her up to show her the business directory on the outside of the building. There aren't very many plaques to begin with, so it's easy to find the Nelson, Murdock, and Page one. "That is where Mister Matt works with his friends."

She leans out and feels over the embossed sign, running her fingers over the different letters. "'M'! For Minnie!" She says, pointing out the letter with a big smile. 

"Exactly. Mister Matt's last name starts with M, too. That word is his last name - Murdock."

That gets her to turn back to the sign, fingers dancing over the letters, brows knitting with curiosity, "How is it spelled?"

You spell out Murdock for her and Minnie repeats each letter after you. You do this a few times until she's able to say it out loud on her own. You don't know how long she'll retain the information, as spelling isn't really on the board yet, but you're happy she's interested. You set her back down and she makes a beeline up the steps, grabbing and pulling at the door with all her three-year-old strength. 

The lobby to the building is sparse, with basically only an elevator and staircase, with a door to what you suspect is a supply closet. "We're going up two staircases," you tell your daughter. 

"Two!" She confirms before taking off towards the stairs. You have a brief moment of panic that she's going to zip up both sets faster than you can catch her, but to your great amusement, she grabs a hold of the banister with both hands and pretends to use it like a mountaineering rope to climb the stairs. She even adds little fake huffs and puffs. You follow behind her, ready to catch her if she slips. She doesn't, and when you get to the floor Matt's office is on, she turns to beam at you, clearly proud of herself, "We did it!"

"We did it," you parrot, offering out your hand again. She takes it and you lead her to the correct door. The same plaque that was on the exterior of the building also hangs beside their door and Minnie astutely points to it.

"Murdock!" 

"That's right, it says Nelson, Murdock, and Page."

"Can I knock?" Mouse asks, raising her fist to do just that.

You hum, then gently explain, "This is business, which means work. For work, we don't have to knock. We can go in if it is open."

As soon as you say that she's opening the door and marching inside and you quickly follow her. 

Matt's law partners, Foggy and Karen, are in the reception area with a man you assume is a client of theirs, talking in hushed annoyed sounding whispers. He radiates intimidation, with a huge black eye and what looks to be a makeshift cast made of duct tape around his right wrist. The three of them turn to look at you and you get the sense Minnie had the right idea in asking if she should knock first. 

Your little one quickly latches onto your leg, turning timid in the space of a second and you can't really blame her. Part of you wants to turn and run. 

Karen recovers first, breaking away from the two exasperated men to step towards you and going into receptionist mode, "Hi. You were here last week to meet with Matt, right?" 

"Uh, yes, that's right. Is he, uh, available?" You ask, feeling like you no longer know how to speak English. The energy in the room is not a pleasant one and you very much feel like you've interrupted something important.

"He's on a call currently but I'll let him know you are here," Karen replies in a voice far kinder than what she uses to address the men behind her a beat later. She turns to them and points to the office you know is not Matt's. "In there. Now."

Foggy throws up his hands, like he's frustrated with whatever is going on and disappears into the other room. The man you don't know doesn't follow, eyes on you and your daughter as Karen crosses the room to knock on Matt's door before opening it and slipping into the office. You quickly decide you are not going to make eye contact with him, instead ducking your head and putting a comforting hand on Minnie's head. She's practically hidden herself behind your legs, clinging to your pants so tightly you fear they might rip.

"I like your boots," the man says into the quietness. You expect him to sound like gravel, but his gruff voice is rather soft, and you get the feeling he understands how to talk to children "My daughter used to have boots like those."

 Part of you wants to tell the man to not talk to your daughter, but that would be rude and just because he looks like he's been through the ringer doesn't mean he's a bad man. You decide to let her determine how she wants to proceed.

You feel Minnie poke her head out from where she's hidden herself. At first, you don't think she's going to reply, as you know how she is, but she surprises you yet again by mumbling out, "They're froggies." 

"Yeah? You like frogs?"

Mouse somehow tightens her grip, "I like animals." She presses her face against your leg, then admits, a little louder, "we're gonna to the zoo for my birthday."

That makes the man smile, and that changes his whole demeanor. Suddenly he looks friendly and kind and not like he's likely to stab you, "That's a good place to go for your birthday. How old are you gonna be?"

Before she can respond, the door to Matt's office swings open and Karen stalks out, followed by Matt, who seems much less agitated than everyone else. The blonde points to the unknown man, a little scowl on her face, "What did I say?"

The man holds up his hands defensively, stepping away from Karen and towards the office he was previously told to go in, "Alright, alright, I'm going. I'm going." That doesn't seem to help soothe her at all, as she grabs the man by the bicep and frog-marches him to join Foggy, closing the door behind them. 

"They didn't make you wait long, did they?" Matt asks, bringing your attention back to him. There is a cut on his lip that wasn't there the last time you saw him, and your instinct is to ask if he is okay, but you don't know if you are at that level with him yet.

So instead, you address his question, "No, no, we just got here."

He motions back to his office, a smile spreading across his face, and you almost forget about the cut, "Come on back and we can review everything." 

Minnie lets go of your pants only to take your hand again and you lead her into the other room. As you pass Matt, she looks up at him and gives a tiny wave.

"Hi, Mister Matt."

Matt's shoulders visibly relax at her greeting, and you can't help but start to smile, "Hi, sweetheart. How are you doing today?"

"Good! I maded you pictures," she says proudly. That causes him to pause as he starts to follow you into his office. You can tell he is surprised by the news - his voice gets a little choked up when he responds.

"You made me some pictures?"

"They are very good pictures," you advise, squeezing Minnie's hand slightly before letting go, "Do you want to tell Mister Matt what you drew for him?" She nods eagerly, so you point to one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Go sit like a big girl and you can tell him."

She makes a dash for the chair, and you take the time to address Matt, "I'm sorry, I should have called ahead."

He shakes his head, and as he walks past you to go behind the desk, he reaches out and brushes his hand along your arm. A little shiver runs up your spine at the touch and you tell yourself the action was so he could orient himself. "Not a problem, I knew you were coming. How is everything?"

"Everything is good," you reply, a little shyer than you intend to. "I, uh, have everything for you. Is there anything else I need to fill out?"

Matt shakes his head, "Just a signature and date. You've done all the work for me already. I don't think I've ever had to file where I don't need to actually do anything but sign the document. It's a refreshing change."

"Do you know how long it will take to process?" You ask as you move to join Minnie in sitting. "The website gave multiple timelines and I just want to be realistic."

Matt takes his seat with a cocky grin, "Not long at all, I know a few judges I can ask to push it through."

You flush at the idea of him asking a favor to a judge on your account, "That's not necessary, Matt, I don't mind waiting."

He shakes his head, getting that soft look again, "I don't want to wait. I want it to be official in the eyes of the government."  

His words make you feel even warmer, and you distract yourself by pulling the file with all the paperwork out of your purse and pass it over to him. "Minnie's additions are at the bottom of the stack. The last five pages"

His fingers twitch slightly, and you wonder if he wants to flip right to those. You get your answer quickly.

"Minnie, is it okay if I go over the paperwork with your mom before you tell me about your pictures?"

"It's okay!" She replies, her voice much more cheerful now that you are alone with Matt. "Do you needs help?"

Her sweetness makes Matt smile more and he shakes his head, "Not right now, sweetheart. I need to read, and I can do that with my fingers, but after that you can help with some other things."

"Okay," she says happily, kicking her feet a little bit.

You catch her attention and motion to your purse, "Do you want a toy while you wait?" 

She shakes her head and beams up at you, "No thank you, I'm a big girl!"

Both you and Matt chuckle at her declaration and he moves to open the file. 

"There's multiple copies of everything," you tell him as you move onto business, "One printed text and one in Braille for the courts and the same for you. I have the same at home, as well. They are bundled in packets. The court papers are on top, Braille first."

He thanks you then begins to read the forms. Mouse sits up straighter in her chair to try and see what he is doing. She can just peek over the edge, and she watches in fascination as his fingers move over the pages. You wait quietly, not wanting to distract in any way. 

"Everything appears to be in order. We will just need a signature," Matt says after a minute. 

"Should I do that now?" You ask. The response is him offering you a pen, so you lean in to sign the various forms. As you set each document aside, Matt adds his own signature. It is silly how giddy you feel just having the forms finally completed. You don't know how long you've had just blank copies, waiting to be filed. 

"And done," Matt says with a final flick of his pen on the last page. "I'm going to the courthouse on Tuesday, so I'll get it processed then. I'll push to get an updated certificate as quickly as possible."

You have to bite your lip to keep from smiling like a crazy person. This isn't some dream or far off fantasy. Matt isn't just saying he wants to be Minnie's father. He is following through, with urgency. This is something he wants and it's almost surreal for you - you are so used to promises being broken and no one being on the same page as you in your desires. Even if this is all for Minnie and not for you, it is still on the edge of overwhelming for you. 

You never thought you'd be so happy over paperwork. 

"Thank you, Matt," you whisper, leaning back into your seat to sit properly.

Immediately, Minnie parrots you, thanking Matt even though she has no idea what is going on.

"No, thank you. Thank you both," he says, and you wonder if he is also holding back from smiling. He gathers the papers and sets them aside before running his fingers over the folder you gave him and addressing his daughter. "Okay, sweetheart. Do you want to come tell me what you drew?" 

You expect Minnie to stand on the chair and even prepare yourself to balance her, but that does not happen. She hops down and scurries around the desk to be at Matt's side and a moment later, he is pushing his chair back and she is climbing up into his lap. Embarrassment rushes through you - she's only ever behaved like this with you. She actually used to fuss and cry if anyone else tried to hold her. You haven't seen her sit in anyone else's lap since she had a say in who gets to hold her.

"Minnie!" You scold but Matt quickly shakes his head as he helps her up.

"It's okay, I don't mind," he tells you even though he looks completely shocked. If he wasn't her father, you wouldn't allow this, especially with someone so new to her, but he is her father, even if she doesn't know, so you don't tell her to get down.

Instead, you give a stern frown, "Minnie, you still need to ask before climbing on anyone, okay? Can you apologize?" 

Your little girl nods, then looks up at him, "I'm sorry, Mister Matt."

"It's okay, sweetheart. Like I said, I don't mind, but your Mommy is right, and you should ask so I know you are there. Next time, you'll know. Now, your Mommy said there were five pictures. Which do you want to start with?" He asks, scooting his chair back to the desk while wrapping one arm around Minnie's waist to keep her secure. 

Once she's able to, she leans in and picks up the first drawing in the stack. It is the family portrait, and you quickly get your phone out so you can record this interaction as Minnie lays out the picture. She then takes Matt's free hand and guides it to the paper before letting go to point at the circle that represents him.

"This is you," she tells him. He quickly finds where she is pointing and begins to trace the figure. 

"That's me?" And there is definitely more than a little bit of emotion in his voice. 

"Uh-huh, and that is me and Mommy and we're gonna go to see the duckies. Mommy said we can go again. But we're gonna get ice cream too. And a balloon," she says, moving her little finger all over the page. 

You watch Matt's finger follow hers - first over the doodle of himself, then Minnie's, and finally yours. Then, he traces back to the center figure. "We're holding hands?" He asks tentatively.

"Yup!" She answers, popping the p. "Mommy says we gotta hold hands if we go outside." 

Matt licks his lips a little and you see his muscles flex under his jacket as he holds Minnie a little more firmly to his chest, like he doesn't want to let go of her. "That's a good rule." 

"Mommy makes good rules," your little one replies wisely. That makes your ego sing a little. Mouse has always been good at doing what she's told, and you are proud that she understands your rules keep her safe.

Before she moves onto the next picture, you gently prompt her. "Sweetie, was there something you wanted to ask Mister Matt?"

Matt's head jerks up at that, looking right to you with brows slightly knit. Minnie bounces in his lap just a little, squirming so she can turn to look up at him, "I'm gonna go to the zoo! For my birthday! Do you wanna go?"

His lips part in surprise at the question and before you know it, he has both his arms wrapped around Mouse, hugging her to him. She instantly responds, looping her little arms around his neck and squeezing back. He rests his cheek against her head, and you see him slightly rock her from side to side. "I would love to go with you to the zoo, sweetheart."

Minnie giggles into his neck and you one hundred percent know that the transition to suddenly having two parents is not going to be hard for her at all. It might be confusing because Matt won't be living with you, but you have never seen her so comfortable with someone who isn't you. You know it's not just because he gave her a toy. They just click together so well.

You switch from video to your camera so you can sneak as many pictures as you can of Matt and Minnie hugging. They've completely forgotten about you and that is a-okay. 

In this moment, nothing else matters to you - not the strange man in the other office or the devastation a few states over or all the other trivial things that nag you and make your stomach turn. 

Your world is right in front of you and for the first time in a very, very long time, you really, truly believe everything is going to be just fine. 

@midnightreids @cloudroomblog @yeonalie @thychuvaluswife 

@dorothleah @mattmurdocksstarlight @mars-on-vinyl @mywellspringoflife @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @simmilarly @soupyspence @darkened-writer @akila-twt

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@mayp11-blog @danzer8705 @thinking-at-dusk @remuslupinwifee @akila-twt  @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment

[drferox]

My MS Diagnosis

So I’m approaching the 2 year mark since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and I thought I’d better document how I got here, because being the patient is a weird experience, especially for a condition that had kind of vague symptoms that needed a fair amount of work up.

My symptoms actually started in early 2020, when I was in the third trimester of pregnancy. The main symptom was mistaken for carpal tunnel syndrome - numbness in my fingers that would progress to increasingly violent pins & needles sensations, that would progress to burning if I tried to push through it. Only this sensation would extend all the way up to my shoulders at times. I stopped performing surgery, because not only was I unsatisfied with my lack of sensation to know what I was doing with my tissue handling, but the pain would get worse quickly in constrictive surgical gloves in the presence of patient warming. So I stopped performing surgery in late pregnancy and was told it would get better a few months after giving birth.

It did not.

So six months after giving birth, finding myself able to use my hands for short periods but still unable to perform surgery to my standard, I went back to complain to the doctor. I also couldn’t play video games properly, my arms would often be numb when I woke up, all the way up to my shoulder, and they were super temperature sensitive. Even hot water from washing dishes would set them off.

They sent me down a carpal tunnel work up - ultrasounds and talking to a neurologist. The short version is they did tell me I had mild carpal tunnel… on one side only.

Which did not make any damn sense considering I had symptoms on both sides all the way up to my shoulder.

The worst neurologist in the world could not explain to me why a mild problem on one wrist was affecting sensation all the way up to the opposite shoulder, and just said ‘it happens sometimes’. Now, I like to think I have a solid understanding of the basics of how a body works, and was really unsatisfied with this answer. They recommended I talk to a surgeon, since I’d already been doing a bunch of physiotherapy, but I decided not to. Surgery could have put my hand in a cast for up to 6 weeks, I had a 6 month old baby to care for at home and a partner who was useless at best, and abusive at worst. I could not afford the time in a cast.

So I went to try something else, visiting an osteopath to see what they could do about my ‘mild’ carpal tunnel, and while I’m there, these headaches I’ve been getting.

She spent a good long while stretching out different muscle groups, and found that certain neck muscle stretches changed the sensations I was getting in my fingertips. So whatever was causing the hand problem was coming from somewhere in the neck, and she recommended I get a CT scan.

Went back to my doctor to get a referral for a CT scan, and explained what was going on. He thought about it for a minute, didn’t voice his concerns, and upgraded it to a neck MRI.

That MRI found a demyelinating lesion in my neck. So went back for a full Central Nervous System scan and found a couple more borderline ones.

That sent me back to a (different) neurologist, had a proper neurological exam that found a few random patches of altered skin sensation in addition to the arm weirdness I had going on. So I was probably a MS case, but not particularly severe as MS goes.

To confirm it I needed a lumbar puncture to look for oligoclonal bands in by CSF. The lumbar puncture was a moderately unpleasant experience which then mandated that I remain lying down for 24 hours so that my spinal fluid didn’t spring a leak. With a baby and a distinctly unhelpful partner, I barely made it to that 24 hours.

And then… I sprung a CSF leak. Which is a jolly weird experience I can tell you.

When your CSF leaks from a lumbar puncture you will feel perfectly fine… when you are lying flat on your back, because your spine flops over the hole and plugs the leak. If you’re upright at all the spine flops away from the hole and it slowly leaks out, and you get more of this weird frontal headache that gets worse the longer you’re upright, standing there talking to the ER admissions nurse. And the info I had explained that it can progress to seizures and similar the worse it gets, but I only got as far as pain and fuzzy vision. I seriously could only be upright for ten minutes without pain, and had to lie down to resolve it.

That required some medicine-that-looks-like-magic to fix, called a blood patch. Doctors took some of my blood, fresh out of the vein, and inserted it into my spine approximately where the leak should be, so that the clot would cover the leaky patch. Self blood magic. It worked brilliantly, about an hour later.

The CSF tap ordeal confirmed the presence of the oligoclonal bands, and then I got stunted into the public health system, in a department specifically geared towards managing Multiple Sclerosis patients. They debated for a little while, at a multidisciplinary meeting, whether I was really MS or a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (which is like Multiple Sclerosis but without the ‘Multiple’ part), but settled on MS. Yes, Tumblr, I was nearly diagnosed with CIS.

The shoe thing took about a year from when I actively complained to doctors, or about 18 months from the first probable symptoms. That’s approximate because some things that were thought to be pregnancy symptoms could have been due to MS, like fatigue and leg weakness. I’m pretty lucky that I’m comfortable in hospitals and with medical procedures, am reasonably medically literate. I think the magic phrase that got things to happen quickly was ‘these symptoms are greatly affecting my ability to do my job’.

I don’t think my MS has progressed since starting the medication (and I’ll talk about the medication in another post). I’ve acquired one additional brain lesion since diagnosis, but I have no clue what physical symptom it’s associated with.

While some symptoms are better, I still cannot perform surgery to the standard or with the endurance that I used to,so I basically don’t any more. I can do about ten minutes, which is enough to bail a new graduate vet out of trouble, but not enough to take over completely for them. I’ve had a few years to think about it but I don’t know what the MS is going to do to my career, only that I can still practice for now.

It’s not great, but it could be a whole lot worse, and that’s how I got here.

[cherryblossomwriting]

Thirst Unleashed

Summary: After having their baby, Y/N’s breasts are bursting with milk and Harry helps her relieve some of the pain.

W.C: 1197

Warnings: Slight mention of post-pregnancy body issues (All bodies are unique and beautiful, so don't forget to appreciate it every day <33 Also, breastfeeding/lactation kink?)

Tags: CEO/husband/dad! Harry x wife/mom! Y/N

No one told Y/N and Harry that taking care of a baby would be so difficult. Don't get them wrong. They love their little baby girl, Lily, and would give up their life in an instant to save her however some nights can be difficult. Lily is just like her mother as Harry likes to say, Feisty, dramatic and a little bratty. She would cry for hours on end someday. Harry and Y/N feel like they don't have time for themselves at all.

Currently, Y/N is laying with her back resting on the headboard of their king sized bed in their shared bedroom. It was 7pm and time for little Lily’s meal. So she started breastfeeding their little daughter. Y/N couldn't help but stare at how beautiful their little baby girl is. She has got Harry’s beautiful, forest green eyes and Y/N’s golden-brown hair colour with little curls. She was the perfect blend between the both, inheriting their best genes. After about 10 minutes of admiring their little child, Y/N realised that Lily had already fallen asleep. This is not common because even though Lily is just 5 months old she is a proper cute, bratty, attention-loving child just like her mother. She wouldn't get to bed without extra attention and pampering from both her parents. Y/N was grateful, Lily went to bed early without any problem. Soon, Y/N walked out of their room and put down Lily in her cute cradle in her own bedroom.

When Y/N entered their bedroom, she realised Harry was nowhere to be found. Y/N and Harry didn't really get much time to spend with each other alone since they were always taking care of their daughter. However, today was their lucky day since Lilly had gone to bed early, she thought they could have a little fun alone time together. She entered their huge walk-in closet and started looking for Harry’s favourite skimpy lingerie that he loves. She realised how much her body had changed after delivering Lily. However, she was never the kind to judge her own body since she was confident in herself and loved herself the way she was. After putting on the lingerie and staring at herself in the mirror. She went on a hunt to find him. Their house was humongous for which Harry ofcourse worked very hard. “Maybe he is working in his home office,” she thought to herself. She quickly trotted her way down to his home office and with a quiet knock entered the room.

Harry was covered in piles of paper and documentations. Harry was never the kind to bring his work back home however, after he acquired one of the top most companies in the world it has been difficult for him to separate work from his personal life. “Hey baby, are you busy?” Y/N asks with a soft yet sultry voice.

“Nah just sorting some papers out,” he replied, looking at her just for a split second. The moment he realised how hot his wife, no sorry, the mother of his child, was looking he couldn't help but do a double take. Watching Y/N take care of their daughter and love her so much, Harry couldn't help but love Y/N even more than he did (which he didn't think could be possible, since he already loves her so much).

“Fuck, you look so hot in that lingerie. Really wanna get me hard don't you?” he asks while reaching out his hand to grab his wife’s arm to pull her onto his lap. He couldn't help but stare at her beautiful tits. Harry has always been more of a breast kinda guy. There was just something about them that got him so hard, especially looking at Y/N’s. The one thing he just noticed was how big they had gotten ever since she gave birth to Lily.

“Is it just me and my obsession for your tits or have they actually become bigger?” he couldn't help but ask her.

“Oh yeah, I read in a book that it’s natural for the breasts to grow in size because it needs to produce milk for the baby. My boobs are so sore and sensitive from all the breast-feeding,” she shares her knowledge with her husband. Breastfeeding can take a toll on the mother. The breasts are always sore and they hurt. Oblivious to her husband’s wild thoughts, she goes on sharing more information about breastfeeding and how they grow in size. Harry was so turned on right now by the thought of his wife’s breasts leaking with milk for the child he put in her. Without a second thought, he gently grabs her right boob and gently presses it to make sure he is not hurting her.

“Does this hurt?” he asks

“No, it feels good for some reason,” she replies

That was all the confirmation he needed to proceed with his actions. He pulls her skimpy bra up to free her breasts from the tight constraints. He starts fiddling with her areola. Because of the sensitivity, her breasts started leaking and he stared at her boobs in pure curiosity and awe. He latches his lips around her nipple to get the taste of her milk. He gently starts sucking on her nipple, taking in all the milk she could provide.

“Fuck, baby, dont stop, it feels good,” she says while biting her lower lip.

That was his cue to start sucking a bit harder. After sucking her for a couple of minutes, he detaches his lip from her breasts and opens his mouth to show her his mouth full of her milk. He gulps down every drop of it, not wanting it to go to waste.

She sat on his lip while her legs were spread across his thighs on his office chair. He gently touches her covered labia with his middle finger. “Didn't know my baby was so dirty. Can't believe, seeing me drink her milk would get her so wet,” he speaks.

She doesn't have the words to speak so she replies with a moan.  He starts circling his finger over her clit. Her clit was still covered with her excuse of underwear. He fastens the pace of his finger to help her reach her high.

“I don't think I'll last long, keep going,” she moans.

“Go on baby you deserve it,” he gives her the permission to cum.

This is probably the best orgasm she has had in a while. She tries to open Harry’s zipper, when he holds her wrists in his, stopping her actions. “Is something wrong? Comeon let me give you a blowie,” she asks, battering her lashes.

“I would die to get one of your blowies, baby, but you've been so tired lately taking care of our baby girl, today was your day. You can always give me one later, you know I'd never say no to that. Now let me carry the mother of my child to our bedroom.”

With that he carries Y/N bridal-style to their shared bedroom.

Y/N and Harry are truly lucky to have each other.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Let me know your view in the comments below!

Requests are open!

Lots of Love

xoxo

[j3ss3jam3s85]

Evidence of Exodus

Many often wonder if there is any factual evidence proving the Bible being true.   What if I told you that not only can I point you to strong evidence of the old testament Exodus being real, I can point you to a person in Exodus who has a real life replica of himself. Being possibly the only person mentioned in the Bible that we can truly see how they appeared.  (With the exception of Vladimir Putin's recent 2024 claim that he has an original painting of Jesus Christ that has been in Russia).

bNow, if you're not familiar with the book of Exodus (chapters 1-14), I suggest you taking a moment to read it. Otherwise, what I'm about to say may not make much Sense. Or, read this and then read Exodus, and things might make more sense to you as it's being read.  Either way, I highly recommend reading it.

Archeologically, we're able to prove many things within the Bible, however, Exodus is not one of them. Matter of fact, some of the things are extremely questionable.  For example, where are all these Israelites coming from mentioned? There are no records of a man named Moses in Egypt. Many movies depict the enslaved Israelites were building the pyramids, however, The pyramids were built long before the Israelites were enslaved. There are many things that people question in the book of Exodus, you might as well. Maybe I can help with any doubt that you may have. In hopes to open your eyes as to the possibility that these things really could have, and did indeed happen.

Let's go back to the story of  Joseph. Joseph is one of the 12 sons of Jacob, also named Israel. (Remember God changed his name to Israel because of his faith in willing to sacrifice his son). They fell into a Great famine Aunt resources grew very slim, so they went searching for a better life elsewhere. Can you guess where they ended up? That's right, Egypt! This is where we get "The children of Israel", also known as, the Israelites.

Joseph's gift from God was the ability to interpret dreams. In doing so, he was able to interpret the Pharaoh's dream which ultimately helped save Egypt from a great famine.  So how did his people, his family, end up in bondage?  Answer is, the Israelites were living and the delta and we're living a pretty prosperous existence. Up until the moment a new pharaoh becomes in charge. This Pharaoh knows nothing about Joseph.  For none other than narcissistic  reasons, the new pharaoh is upset that the Israelites are living such a lavish life.  He ordered task masters to watch over them, which is when they became enslaved.  This Pharaoh is historically documented saying  to his midwives, "watch the two stones." Meaning, Egyptian women often give birth while sitting straight up to let gravity help them with the birthing process. Often, they would sit on two stones to help assist them during  labor. This correlates with the Bible when pharaoh ordered the death of all the Israelite males that were being born.  This is around the time that Moses was born. With Moses's mom afraid of him being murdered, she sent him away, down the river, for a chance at life.

Another questionable biblical text says that the pharaohs daughter finds Moses and the river and takes him in as her own. An Egyptian naming their child Moses, which is Hebrew is not very likely. Leaving some skepticism. Let me push that skepticism aside. 

Remember, Moses is sent down river, so when he's found, he's found in the reeds. Now the Hebrew word massa (משא) means brought out.  However Moses, Moses is actually a pure Egyptian name, which means Born. Just think about Ra-Moses, Ra means God and Moses means birth in Egyptian, God is Born. Another common Egyptian term is  Toth-Moses.  So therefore, just because the name Moses doesn't appear as someone's name being an actual person, it does not mean he did not exist. Moses literally means birth and Egyptian. Something someone would say or call a newborn baby. 

Moses later has an encounter with God through a burning bush. God tells Moses that he is going to be the one to help set the Israelites free and lead them into the promised land. Moses, brings his brother Aaron with him to go speak to the pharaoh. Moses performs many miraculous wonders and so do the pharaohs magic wielders. So it's like they're in competition for a moment. Moses has a staff and he throws it down and it turns into a snake. Then Pharaoh has his people throw a staff and they also turn into snakes.  It was almost like this was something that they've seen before, and we're unimpressed.  Now you can take it exactly how it was written and think that a staff was thrown down and turned into a snake and both parties were able to do so. What I think happened is, the staff happened to be a cobra snake that was stiff like a staff with the head as the handle. When you throw the snake down onto the ground it then is able to slither away. This is a known practice and Egypt then and even today which would explain why people wouldn't be impressed.  Moses and Aaron came back time and time again with  9 different plagues. Trying to convince Pharaoh to let his people go. Pharaoh gets annoyed and Now orders that the Israelites are no longer going to be given prepared straw to mix with their bricks. Leaving them to cut their own straw to mix with clay in order to make their own bricks. Giving double work with the same deadline. None of the plagues presented so far didn't seem to phase the Egyptians whatsoever. By this point, God says enough is enough and lets the pharaoh know that if he does not cooperate, he will take all the firstborns of families who do not have a blood sacrifice over their door frame.  Of course Pharaoh did not take this threat seriously, so there was no blood sacrifice and he ended up losing his son. This is what makes pharaoh say okay, You can have your freedom, you can go.

When the Israelites leave, the Egyptians are all mourning the deaths of their firstborns. So, when the Israelites asked for gold and silver upon leaving, they just handed it over with no issues. So the Israelites are able to leave rich with gold and silver.  Rightfully so in my opinion. They just spent approximately 430 years, in slavery and are now heading to the promised lands.

As the Israelites were on their way, Pharaoh quickly changed his mind and decided to go after the Israelites and bring them back. This is when the famous part of Exodus happens that most people are familiar with. Did the Israelites really cross the Red Sea on dry land? While the Egyptians get swallowed whole by the water? There is a lot of skepticism about rather or not they truly did part the Red Sea.

Here the Israelites are leaving on foot with all this gold and silver. We know that they lived in the Delta part of Egypt so we can kind of figure out the route that they took. They don't take the Philistine route because Palestine is highly guarded with watchtowers. So what they do is go through the marsh. Now the misconception lies with where exactly they crossed at. Which they actually crossed through the Sea of Reeds and not the Red Sea. Now in the Bible it says that  Pharaoh's chariots were clogged. Sounds like they were going through mud. If you ask me. Which if I'm on foot I can get through but if I'm in a chariot I cannot. So Pharaoh's men ended up perishing while God helped the Israelites make it through safely.

In playing devil's advocate, if this story is true then why is there no record other than what is mentioned in the Bible of this particular situation? The answer is Egyptians were horrible at record keeping in general. Their record keeping is mainly made up of what is written in tombs or on Stella's. Which never mentioned anything about any of their defeats. Egyptians only kept records of victories. Honestly, this entire situation only really mattered to the Israelites. No one else really cared. But this was the beginning of their entire religion.

Biblically they never say who the pharaoh actually was. Historically, Egypt didn't even have a pharaoh at this time. Who ever was in charge would technically be a king. So where does the Bible get Pharaoh from?  It's actually a conjunction of 2 Egyptian words, that meant house, great. Which Pharaoh meant the one who lived in a great house. Fitting for someone living in a palace.

A clue in the Bible as to who this pharaoh may be is when they speak of the Israelites building the store cities  with bricks. Is it a coincidence that one of the cities names is Pi-Ramess?  They are using bricks, which historically we can narrow down the time frame in which bricks began being used to build the storehouse in these 2 cities mentioned.

i'm going to agree with Bob Brier, an egyptologist who suggested the Pharaoh in the book of Exodus is...... Ramesses the Great. Why?

Ramesses' built his capitol right beside the Delta, which would be close enough to the Israelites. Especially during the times Moses and Aaron were traveling back and forth trying to convince him to let his people go. The Israelite slaves built the city of Ramesses out of brick and he was the one who built these cities.  There is a sentence written on a Papyrus that explains grain ratios to be handed out to the soldiers and apperu (now I know I butchered inthe spelling of this word, but I spelled it the way it sounded).  Which The translation is thought to mean Hebrew. Many scholars believe that this is our Israelites. Other scholars believe that Merneptah was the ruler over The Exodus. They believe this because the first time Israel is mentioned is during the reign of Merneptah, which is Rameses 13th son and his successor. However, when Merneptah mentions Israel on his Stella. It is referred to as a people and not a country or a foreign land. Meaning around this time the Israelites were still wondering. Therefore, if they are wandering at this time, that means they must have left right before he began his reign.  Biblical scholars believe The Exodus happened in year 20 of rameses reign.  Guess what else happens right around this time? Ramesses loses his firstborn son, Amonhirkhopshef.

In the Egyptian museum, you can now see the mummy of Ramesses the Great. Which very well may be the only face you can look upon that is a real biblical figure.  I love it when science, history and the Bible correlate. 

References:

Brier, Bob. The history of ancient Egypt. (2013). The great courses.

Exodus 1+14

[y-ta-nees-simblr]

Chapter 1.22 - Dinner with Kings

When Andria stepped into the private dining area, she was startled to find her Aunt Nikole was not alone.

Two men were also present, whom she recognized for different reasons. The one sitting with her aunt on the sofa, was the more famous of the two men.

“Aunt Nikole? What’s going on here?”

Nikole stood and so did the man that had been sitting with her.

“Hey, bug!” Nikole pulled her goddaughter in for a hug and kiss on the cheek. “How’ve you been? Where’s Devon.”

“I’ve been fine. Devon is home. What’s going on? Why is the King of Vinford at our dinner? And how do you know Mr. Richard.”

It was Nikole’s turn to be surprised, “You know King Elias?”

“King Elias?!” Andi turned to her favorite chess partner.

“You’re King Elias?!”

“Wait, dad, you’ve already met Andria?” Anthony asked.

Nia remained quite as she was probably the only person in the room who had a complete picture.

“Nia you’re suspiciously quiet back there.” Nikole said.

“I always knew this would be messy.” Nia said.

“Can someone please just explain to me what the hell is going on?” Andria said.

“Andi…” Nia began slowly, but she was interrupted by Elias.

“Andria, I’m your grandfather.”

“My what?!” Andria sat down in the nearest chair. “I’m sorry, but you’re my grandfather? And you never thought to tell me over the last ten years we’ve been playing chess in the town square?”

Elias, Anthony, and Nikole all sat down as well while Nia remained standing with her back against the wall.

“I was afraid if you knew who I was, I’d never get the chance to get to know you.”

“I don’t understand. You’re my grandfather, and you’re the retired king. What about all of the stories you told me about your life, your family. Are any of those true?”

“Andi, I may not have told you who I am, but I’ve never lied to you. Everything I’ve ever told you is true. Especially about how I regret the way I treated your mother.”

“Your daughter, the one who ran away and died a few years later, was Princess Tatiana…and Princess Tatiana was my mother. I…” Andria looked to her aunt. “My mom’s name was Tia Beaumont. I know this. It’s a fact. It’s on my birth certificate. She was not Tatiana Sovanti.”

“Tatiana Grace Sovanti.” Anthony corrected. “Grace is a family name, after Queen Grace. To me, she was Tia. In school, she was Tiana. Just like no one who actually knows dad calls him Elias. He’s Richard, or some form of the name. I go by Tony.”

“But the legal document would need her legal name.” Andria tried to reason.

“The birth certificate you have was reissued after she legally changed her name when she turned 20. The original document was destroyed.” Nikole explained.

“Not exactly.” Anthony said.

“What do you mean not exactly?” Andi asked.

“I kept track of Tia, and you, as best I could. When the Royal Trust’s network learned that Tia had changed her name; they obtained all of the original documents she had to turn in and filed them away. Tony’s got those documents now.”

“Of course, Tia always said she could never truly get away from it all.” Nikole said.

“You…?” Andi looked at Nikole confused.

“I just would like a complete story. Can someone, anyone give me that?” Andi begged.

[ettolrach-uwu]

do your parents know you're trans? if so how was your coming out?

They do and it's not going too well. I would wait to answer this but there's never a moment in time when the situation is truly done, so I'll just give an answer now. TLDR they do and it's a struggle trying to get them to respect me for who I am.

CW transphobia, t-slur

I came out to my parents around a year after I realised I was trans, I was 18 at the time. I suspected it might not go well so by this time I already told everyone else; my friends and my teachers, since I was in high school at the time. I socially transitioned way before medically transitioning, which one only started two odd months ago.

I told them that I'm trans and that I want to be called Charlotte and they did not take it well at all, though it wasn't the worst possible outcome. My mother really didn't want it to be happening and was most vocal during conversations afterwards, as she usually is. She said that she doesn't want me to be trans for reasons I still don't fully understand. She says it's because she's scared for my safety, but I think it's because her internalised transphobia makes her think that being trans is disgusting and doesn't want me to end up like one of those trannys.

She asks me, how do I know whether I don't like being a man if I've not lived as an adult man before? To her, it doesn't matter that I've lived nearly 17 as a boy unhappily. She asks, can I please try living as a man for at least a year at university, after all, I've not experienced things like being in a relationship and having sex as a man before.

She tells me that my grandmother is very scared. My father too, he couldn't sleep for weeks after I told him I'm trans. Other guilt-tripping techniques are used too, like, don't you know how hard it is to hear this from your own child that you've raised for 18 years?

Not once have they called me Charlotte since I told them that I want to be called that, nor are they putting in any effort whatsoever to change. They just keep calling me by my deadname.

Not once have they asked what they can do to help me transition, or at least what they can do to make me feel better, happier.

Not once have they called me their daughter.

I moved out, this was investigated and was scheduled to happen anyway. They give me some money every month, and I boymode whenever I visit them, which is about once every week, maybe sometimes it's a fortnight. It takes a long time, but eventually I give it another go.

I'm 20 now. I work at a big company where I'm known as Charlotte to everyone. Everyone at uni and all my friends know be as Charlotte. I haven't mentioned it, but I'm living an incredibly happy life away from my parents being my true and real self. I tell by parents this, and how my life is so much happier. But this time I also say that I don't care about what they want; I will, no matter what, be trans and they have to live with that. They begrudgingly accept, while still trying every trick you can think of to convince me to not be trans. For some reason, the extra two years since my first coming out did not get them process this better (because they wanted me to stop rather than when on themselves to change and accept).

They still don't make an effort to stop deadnaming me. My mother doesn't want be wearing certain clothing. I'm fighting back on the latter one every time it happens. I shouldn't need to, I'm an adult and can choose to do whatever I want. As for the deadnaming, I'm gonna talk to them tomorrow, and if not, then soon after.

So to answer your question, they know. And it didn't go well at all, though it could have gone a lot worse. If you're about to come out and you have any, and I been any kind of concern that it week go badly, make sure you have essential documents like your passport and birth certificate, enough money to get by a while, and a friend who's willing to let you stay over if you get kicked out should you still live with your parents.

[henrioo]

is it hard to be trans?? Did you get treat differently?? When you csme out to your family/friends??

I actually think this ask was cute so I'm gonna respond to you the best way I can

Yeah is fucking hard be trans, I won't to put anyone pain low than mine, but be trans I could say is the worst thing to be

Like, you are gay? Yeah people will have some weird looks, some shitty stuff and stuff

But be trans? Prepare to anyone respecting your new (and true) identity, nobody be capable to respect your pronouns and name because "I know you for too many years with other name to just change now", and don't forget the part that "don't even try to explain to some old parents, they old they don't understand!" Jobs? Oh yeah, we're gonna use your dead name, social name? Sorry... We actually don't care about this. Bathroom? Uh yeah use the birth gender bathroom okay? What? You got kicked out because you don't look like your birth gender? Well... But you can't use the other gender, it's your birth gender! Okay okay, you can use the other gender bathroom... Wait you got harassed? People touched you? Well what do you want us to do? And I could be here for more and more situations but let's talk better of all this

So I came out for my home family, in case my mom and my sister, and a cousin but I don't count her because I don't talk with her anymore. So besides that no one else knows, even if I already have 18 and stuff is kinda weird imagine coming out in others places so I didn't say nothing to anyone yet, besides my family and my therapist but I told my mom before my therapist

I don't have IRL friends so I can't say people treat me differently, on the internet all the people I know treat me okay and respect me, but I already suffer some transphobia for some people, but not really much

And for me being trans is double hard, because I live in Brazil, and we are the country that mostly kills trans people, and we have this number for some years already...

So yeah, if in other countries it is already dangerous, in Brazil sometimes it looks is even harder

My sister just ignores what I said, she thinks I'm not feminine girl and lesbian (even though I don't like girls), but my mom is trying her best

At first it was difficult and he had a lot of fights, but now we are working in communication so it's better. He is trying to be more comfortable using my right pronouns, and also using my second name that is Henrique (she refuses to use my first name because it is Cain and she is Christian lol), some days she says like "my son, man" and stuff so is cool

She is still not totally used to it but I think she is trying and that's good enough for me tbh

I'm planning to come out socially when I get a job, because I want to start with hormones and change my documents. Because it is really easier to be respected if you show your document and there's already your real name and not the dead one.

Probably when I get the job (if I get one) I will try to use my social name but I'm not totally sure because I don't have any patience so I would probably punch someone

But I think that, my life is definitely easier because I didn't came out to society, and I'm not sure what to expect when I do this, but yeah

I prefer suffering some risk either than dying pretend not to be someone that I'm

(also in Brazil the estimated age of living for trans people is 30 years lol)

[simplywhytney]

Chapter 1.22 - Dinner with Kings

When Andria stepped into the private dining area, she was startled to find her Aunt Nikole was not alone.

Two men were also present, whom she recognized for different reasons. The one sitting with her aunt on the sofa, was the more famous of the two men.

“Aunt Nikole? What’s going on here?”

Nikole stood and so did the man that had been sitting with her.

“Hey, bug!” Nikole pulled her goddaughter in for a hug and kiss on the cheek. “How’ve you been? Where’s Devon.”

“I’ve been fine. Devon is home. What’s going on? Why is the King of Vinford at our dinner? And how do you know Mr. Richard.”

It was Nikole’s turn to be surprised, “You know King Elias?”

“King Elias?!” Andi turned to her favorite chess partner.

“You’re King Elias?!”

“Wait, dad, you’ve already met Andria?” Anthony asked.

Nia remained quite as she was probably the only person in the room who had a complete picture.

“Nia you’re suspiciously quiet back there.” Nikole said.

“I always knew this would be messy.” Nia said.

“Can someone please just explain to me what the hell is going on?” Andria said.

“Andi…” Nia began slowly, but she was interrupted by Elias.

“Andria, I’m your grandfather.”

“My what?!” Andria sat down in the nearest chair. “I’m sorry, but you’re my grandfather? And you never thought to tell me over the last ten years we’ve been playing chess in the town square?”

Elias, Anthony, and Nikole all sat down as well while Nia remained standing with her back against the wall.

“I was afraid if you knew who I was, I’d never get the chance to get to know you.”

“I don’t understand. You’re my grandfather, and you’re the retired king. What about all of the stories you told me about your life, your family. Are any of those true?”

“Andi, I may not have told you who I am, but I’ve never lied to you. Everything I’ve ever told you is true. Especially about how I regret the way I treated your mother.”

“Your daughter, the one who ran away and died a few years later, was Princess Tatiana…and Princess Tatiana was my mother. I…” Andria looked to her aunt. “My mom’s name was Tia Beaumont. I know this. It’s a fact. It’s on my birth certificate. She was not Tatiana Sovanti.”

“Tatiana Grace Sovanti.” Anthony corrected. “Grace is a family name, after Queen Grace. To me, she was Tia. In school, she was Tiana. Just like no one who actually knows dad calls him Elias. He’s Richard, or some form of the name. I go by Tony.”

“But the legal document would need her legal name.” Andria tried to reason.

“The birth certificate you have was reissued after she legally changed her name when she turned 20. The original document was destroyed.” Nikole explained.

“Not exactly.” Anthony said.

“What do you mean not exactly?” Andi asked.

“I kept track of Tia, and you, as best I could. When the Royal Trust’s network learned that Tia had changed her name; they obtained all of the original documents she had to turn in and filed them away. Tony’s got those documents now.”

“Of course, Tia always said she could never truly get away from it all.” Nikole said.

“You…?” Andi looked at Nikole confused.

“I just would like a complete story. Can someone, anyone give me that?” Andi begged.

[lil-tumbles]

something that's making me really fucking angry is the way doctors never actually tell me potential side effects, especially for the more common medicines. I've noticed this with anti-depressants (I only knew the side effects before I started taking them because I am in the very specific situation of having studied depression in school. If I hadn't taken psychology, I would not have known the side effects), but right now I'm thinking about the Pill.

The combined and mini pills are both forms of birth control, and also of mood and hormone regulation, but did you know they can make your breasts swell up? Mine increased to the point where I had back pain and my chest felt tight within about two months of taking the pill. Four months (that was the point I stopped) gave me stretch marks that might never go away. It took about a month after I stopped taking the pill before my breasts reduced in size enough that I could breathe normally again, wear normal bras again (the whole time I was taking the pill, I could only wear sports bras, because I couldn't find a supportive enough regular bra). The pill can also cause weight gain, sleep issues, and suicidal tendencies, among many other things. I have learned these things the hard way because no doctor ever stopped to tell me "oh, this might make you suicidal btw". I'm not writing this to put people off taking the pill - though these side effects are documented and not uncommon, most people don't experience the depression or emotional issues that I have on the pill and it can be a true lifesaver for many people - I'm writing this to say that doctors need to tell us about potential side effects of medication. This might have permanently changed my body and I had no idea that it could happen before it did, and then no-one to contact when it happened (because the NHS fucking sucks and you can't just like. Make an appointment, or call up a gynie).

If your doctor doesn't tell you the side effects of a medication you are starting on, make them. Ask them "And what are the potential side effects?". Make them tell you. Here are some phrases you could try using if you don't know what to say:

"Excuse me, you haven't told me the side-effects of this medication"

"Okay, and, what other effects might I experience on this drug?"

If applicable, "I am very sensitive to medication, and know from past experience/as you can see from my medical history, I am much more likely to experience side effects of medication than other people, so it's really important that you explain any possible side effects to me"

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 194

Achilles Castle part 96

Lemonade and lies Part 39

Nicholas (Nick) Stephen McSwarek undercover part 3

Kate Beckett: pov Once in the hospital my friend Lanie who is a medical examiner continued CPR on me till another Dr took over for her the rest of the way to the trauma/operating room i was rushed into. My boyfriend at the time Josh who is a cardiac surgeon  happened to be on shift and started the emergency heart surgery. I had a collapsed lung that required a chest tube. In emergency cases like mine they do a thoracotomy. It's a massive sideways incision on your side from your back to chest.

Kirk sanders: pov Wow that sounds like a huge incision.  

Castle: pov oh it is. Kate continues on with her story they also use the rib spreaders for this surgery. Kirk says it sounds painful. He asks if it's to spread your ribs so they can have more space to work. Kate replies with yes.

Kate: pov The bullet hit/grazed my inferior pulmonary vein and left ventricle causing a cardiac tampon my surgeon Dr Kovaks who replaced Josh had to cut some of my pericardium to let the blood out and repair my ventricle, I then went into vfib and they had to use the internal paddles twice, they tried to do manual heart massages but i  went into cardiac arrest again and flatlined. They eventually got me back, I spent a week in the CICU unconscious. 

Sophia: pov Kirk says that is one hell of a story, I can't believe you survived that. Kate says I can't even believe I survived, since my trauma was so severe. She also brings up the fact that she has PTSD and a weakened immune system. Our food finally arrives, and it looks amazing. KIrk is curious about some of her  past cases. 

Castle: pov I ordered the BBQ wings with French fries and Mac and cheese. Kate ordered the wings plain which they grilled for her with french fries and a salad. Sophia and Kirk ordered the spicy wings and Buffalo ones with fried onion rings, fried pickles and French fries. Kate mentions that Sophia and Kirk can drink all they want because she is the designated driver because she can't drink.

Kirk sanders: pov what was a weird case you hand, Kate says let's see I have had a few. I was handcuffed together with Castle in a basement with a tiger. I had a cryogenic case where the guy was murdered by his wife because he had a brain tumor and his friend then stole his head. I had a guy who was dressed as Santa who was murdered and fell out of a helicopter. I had the witness who turned out to be the murderer, the guy who worked in the subway that was murdered because he stumbled onto a kidnapping. The dirty bomb case. Me standing on a bomb. The psychic who predicted her own murder, the weird thing about that case was her daughter told me that. At an important date,  Alexander would save my life. Strange thing is it's Castle birth name, Richard Alexander Roger's. 

Castle: pov Kate goes into more details about these cases and some of her other ones. Sophia Is updating Kate on her life. Me and Kirk are talking about video games. He is telling me something about the Hudson River, you know Kate almost drowned in the Hudson River. We were working a case with the CIA and her car went into the Hudson and her seat belt was stuck and I had to shoot at it to free her. I had to do mouth to mouth until she started breathing, she then proceeded to throw up everywhere once she was checked out by the medics and given some  heart meds, Kate convinced them to not take her to the hospital which they recommend because of her medical history. She was stubborn back then still is. 

Kate: pov it's getting late and I have a murder to solve. The 4 of us part ways with plans to hang out again. I’m so tired once home I change into some pj's and brush my teeth before getting into bed, plug my phone in before i fall asleep. Castle is in his office getting some writing done. 

Castle: pov i save my document on the computer then grab my crutches and head to bed Kate is already asleep. In the morning I wake up early and get ready for the day. I quickly shower and start on breakfast which is oatmeal with fruit. I can hear Kate in the shower, after she is dressed and has taken her medication she starts eating her breakfast. Mother is taking me to physical therapy today since she is free and Kate has to work since she got a murder yesterday. I kiss her goodbye and hand Kate her decaf coffee before she heads off to work. I also made one for Nick, the officer she is working with today. 

Esposito: pov Kate has a meeting with the guy from the drug unit before her and Nick from the gang unit meet with this other guy. I'm in charge until she gets back. I’m waiting for Lanie to get back to me about the autopsy 

Officer Nicholas (Nick) Stephen McSwarek: pov Kate is waiting for me with 2 take out coffee cups in her hand. She says Castle made it, and one Is for you. Which one is it? She points it out saying hers is decaf. 

Captain Ellison: pov thank you both for meeting with me. I wanted to go over some things before your meeting. My guy was under for awhile. He was injured some time yesterday. From the info I have I  think your killer might have injured him. I don't have a lot of details to go on. 

Kate: pov we go over some details of the case. The Captain from the drug unit says be prepared  you might have to go undercover. Our meeting isn't until later, we decided to head back to my office to get some work done, until then. I think we should pack some bags just in case we have to go undercover. To be continued.  ……….

[adepressedartist]

Also i had like this costumer message me like "hey dude. I'd like to get your services but i wanna go eat at an discreet restaurant first to get to know you, I'll pay the food" and i was like yeah okay man no prob this is great (i actually hate it, i prefer seeing my costumers like 5 minutes, do my service and leave) so then we met up at this really expensive restaurant and we had dinner together and he went like "yeah so... I'm gay. But my mom and dad will disown me, and send a fucking hitman if I don't give them grandchildren in the next three years. And i thought that maybe i could rent you as a father? I tried with many women but i just can't get a hard one so i thought about trying with a transmen that's on T" and i was already like woah woah woah dude hold up and he proceeded to explain that I'd get an allowance of 500bucks a week until the thing is born, he'd pay for an birth outside of germany if i didn't want insurance to know i got preggo, yadayadayada

And honestly? The guy is really sweet and he like showed me ALL private documents so i could check he actually could pay me that amount and how long he and his bf wanted a child but his mom terrorising him if it's not his own and how she wanted to get a DNA test asap he walks in with a child and yadayadayada

I contemplated it tbh but i told him only if i get 5k a month because yes. I still have my female organs and could TECHNICALLY get one. But 2k a month are not enough for the dysphoria I'll go through

He even showed me a contract (with all sites so i couldn't get tricked) he set up and shit and i told him.. no dude. Thank you. If you raise the payment, i will go through this. But not like this man

I kinda feel sorry for him and honestly my breeding kink would've been SO happy lmao, but no. 18k for ruining my mental health and body in nine months just don't do the job 45k would do the job more bc i can pay my driver's license, pay for good therapy, just pay my legal change of name and still got some leftovers lol

No way in hell i get preggo that cheap man. I'm sorry

His husband called me selfish when we met him outside but i just punched him and walked sway

Dinner was nice tho

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane (01) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap (older OC)

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; mentions of abandonment, death, cheating; case mentions of murder/manslaughter, trafficking; pregnancy, fertility, artificial insemination, single parenthood, child birth; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 10.4k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

Listen to: Moonlight (soowoo), FROM. (Anandelight) || Playlist 🎶

A/N: It's here! This is a story about all kinds of love and I hope as you read through, you'll feel it, too. Also inspired by insta and vlive JK who's done nothing but play with our hearts. Please enjoy!  💞 But please excuse any inaccuracies in depicting the law field!

Series Masterlist

##

“And that’s how I plan to get the other party to agree on the proposed settlement.” 

Park Jimin’s confident voice prompts you to look up from his draft agreement and finally face him, as he’d spent the last 15 minutes explaining his strategy as you reviewed the document. 

His sweet smile is deceiving, laced with rainbow sprinkles coupled with his angel-like eyes, and you have to remind yourself that this is the same man you watched put someone away for manslaughter just last week. 

“Looks good,” you say, underlining some parts and adding several notes before giving back the file. “Just made a few comments.”

He looks at the document, briefly furrowing his brows because what you’d written are definitely more than “a few.” 

“Look at you,” he beams. “This is an improvement from the time you had me send you the file instead so you could make all the changes directly since what I wrote after how many sleepless nights was apparently not up to your standards. You’re getting better at not being a pain in the ass,” he quips. 

You laugh in response. 

You and Jimin are used to this - you, being highly critical and detail-oriented with your work and your people, and him, being blunt and witty when it comes to you. But neither of you mind. Drunk Jimin had told you once that it’s people like you who make him a better lawyer, and drunk you responded that it’s people like him who make you believe that there are genuinely good and capable people out in the field.

“Make sure to bring that sass with you during the meeting with the Lees on Friday,” you say smugly.

“Damn right I will,” he smirks. “But also, can you at least credit me for - let’s see - my actual skills? I’ve improved so much, and I’m more than just sass, you know?” 

“Oh I know,” you roll your eyes. “I wouldn’t have assigned you the tough cases if I didn’t think you were skilled. But with corporate clients and the people they anger like this,” you point at the document, “you’re gonna need more than skills. You’d have to be a Park Jimin to make it work.”

You smirk this time, knowing it’s all it takes to get him to stop whining. 

When you were still an Associate like Jimin is, you handled many cases together, and you know he lives for the compliments - like many lawyers you know; hell, so do you. But it takes depriving him a bit then feeding his ego for him to be satisfied. It’s what gets him going. 

You know your people; it’s one reason why you’re good at what you do. 

“Well, this Park Jimin knows he’s gonna have another successful case under his belt and that calls for a celebration,” he crosses his legs. “Drinks at the Blue Side this Friday night. They have mocktails for you. Can you go? Half the firm is gonna be there.”

“Since when does our favorite cafe host a night of drinks and for that many people?” You question, trying to imagine how the small space can accommodate your group of 30 without it being too crowded. 

“Since Hobi purchased the rooftop last week,” Jimin responds, referring to the cafe’s owner who’d become your friend, given your almost daily trips to the place for your coffee. “It’s part of his grand expansion plan. Obviously he told me, and I told Yoongi, and he told Jin, who screamed about treating a round of drinks, so naturally, half of the firm heard it and wanted to go, too, because when does he do that, right?”

You squint your eyes and drum your fingers on your chin, an indication that you’re envisioning how the rest of your week is gonna go - if there are family, personal, medical, and other matters that you have to attend to, if you can actually squeeze in time for a social affair, if you even have the energy for it, given your perpetually busy schedule. 

Jimin knows this look, and he also knows you need an extra nudge to agree. While you’re not one to seek nights out of drinking, he also knows you’re not opposed to it. In fact, you encourage all the employees of the firm to go out and have fun, whether with friends or their families. It’s one reason why he admires you - you give so much of yourself to your work, but not all of you, and it’s something you remind the other lawyers as well. 

“Come on. We’ve settled in for the new year, and you didn’t even get to celebrate the holidays with us,” he reminds you, as you took your family on a trip abroad. “Take this as a celebratory night out for you, too, since you didn’t let us throw you a party after you made junior partner last year and after you dropped the baby bomb a month ago.”

You turn towards your colleague, bitten lip and continuous nods telling him that you’re close to agreeing, prompting him to tempt you even more. “Hobi’s gonna launch a new dessert menu so I’ll convince him to serve pastries and cakes for you, and some decaffeinated drinks, too, if you don’t want the mocktails,” Jimin’s sweet smile makes another appearance. “And I’ll convince Yoongi to convince Jin to pay for all your rounds.”

It’s really all you need to hear, not so much that Kim Seokjin - filling in for his father as the OIC managing partner of Kim & Ko law firm - will be treating you, but because a possible dessert spread is definitely something to look forward to. You know Hobi and his penchant for pretty things, and you already know his desserts will taste and look good.

“Fine. Tell Hobi I want tarts. And I’ll pay for everyone’s first round of drinks but Jin will pay for all of mine,” you state. 

“Got it, boss,” Jimin smiles, as he stands up from his seat after he’d seen your personal phone light up, knowing it’s his cue to leave. “I’ll tell the guys.”

You bid him goodbye and pick up, smiling at your sister’s name flashing on the screen. 

“Sun-hee, hey. How’s your day going?” 

“Depends on you,” she huffs, and you can already imagine her pouty face but innocent, pleading eyes, something she’s mastered as the youngest of your siblings.

“And why is that?”

“I asked Mom for permission to go to Thailand with my friends and she said to ask you before she agrees.”

“And why do you sound upset? That’s always been the agreement. Mom consults with me before she gives the final say.”

“Because,” she whines. “I already know you’ll say no.”

“Hey, I allowed Taehyung to go to the States with his friends and Yuri to Japan with hers,” you respond. “Why are you so sure that I won’t allow you?”

“You didn’t let me sleep over at my friend's house until I was 20! And that was just 4 years ago! You’re gonna say that I’m too young to go abroad with my friends and you’ll say I’m not responsible enough yet.”

“Well, you are still my baby,” you reason.

“I’m not!”

“That’s not what you said when you asked me to buy your phone, and your laptop, and your camera, and your—”

“I’m only your baby when I need you to spoil me, not when I’m asking your permission to go somewhere,” she answers back.

“Yah! Are you trying to get me to allow you or not?” You can’t help but laugh. 

“I am! But please, can you let me go? Med school is driving me insane and I need something to look forward to at the end of the semester. You know Mom won’t mind. It will be just a week, and I’ll see you before I leave. I'll call you everyday, I promise, and… Do I go on or have you already made up your mind but you just want me to commit more things?”

You playfully roll your eyes even if she can’t see, but you smile at how well your baby sister knows you. 

“Fine, fine. You can go. I’ll tell Mom I’m okay with it after you send me your hotel details and itinerary and list of people you’re going with.”

Her shriek of excitement is one you always love hearing.

“Yes! It’s all ready, actually. I’ll send them to you in a bit.”

“Okay, then. Is there anything else?”

“Well, uh. Can you pay for my airfare? Or my accommodation? Or give me some pocket money?”

“Kim Sun-hee, you’re giving me a headache,” you groan.  

“Nevermind! Don’t take it back, please?”

“I won’t. Just… Let’s talk about it this weekend, okay?”

“Okay, I can’t wait. I love you! You’re the best eldest sister ever!” 

She drops the call before you can even respond, and you sigh at how much of a handful she is, way more than your twin siblings Taehyung and Yuri. Perhaps that’s what happens when you’re the eldest child and lived most of your life taking care of them with your mother after your father left shortly after Sun-hee was born. 

It’s no secret that you have a soft spot for them, and even more that one reason why you dreamed of a successful life is so that you could provide them with whatever they need and want. You already know you won’t get to resist your sister’s request of paying for her trip, and you smile at the thought of how weak you are for her. And you definitely can’t wait for her hugs when you see her this weekend. 

The knock on your door prompts you to straighten up and put on your work face - the calculated one, the one that screams approachable yet demands respect. It’s what you’re known for, after all, at least in the firm. 

You’re not feared but not underestimated either; your smile has enough sharpness and tenderness in it that lets people know you’re competent and trust that you that you’ll get the work done, whatever it is. 

“Hey,” Min Yoongi, the firm’s office manager, enters as you say. “I heard Jimin convinced you to pay for everyone’s first round of drinks this Friday,” he smirks.

“That is totally not what happened but whatever,” you lean on your chair. “If I don’t get my dessert spread, Jimin will pay for the first round, especially since it seems he’s gone on to report to you already.”

“He ran to me, actually. We made a bet and I said you won’t go,” Yoongi shrugs. 

“Where’s your faith in me, Mr. Min?” You dramatically ask. “I always attended our study-slash-drinking sessions during college. When I was legal, at least.”

“Yes, but you can’t actually drink this time,” he cocks an eyebrow. “Plus, I just assumed you’d rather stay at home and meditate or something, to help with the baby and all.”

“That’s still an option,” you say, “but it’s the telling me at the start of the week that helped. I probably wouldn’t have agreed if you asked tomorrow.”

“Oh I know,” he chuckles. “I’ve known you for over a decade, ___. Last minute things don’t fly with you.”

“As they should,” you respond. “Just a friendly visit or there’s more?” You change the subject.

Yoongi hums, as if just remembering why he came to your office, and places folders on your desk. 

“I need your endorsement for the associates’ salaries,” he says, “and to let you know that the conference room is ready for your meeting with the new client you brought in.”

“Great,” you smile. “We’ve got another big case coming, Min. I’m ready to win this one.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will,” he grins.

You finish signing the documents and hand them over to him. Getting up on your feet, you take a deep exhale and prepare yourself for another afternoon where you prove, once again, why you deserve your position.

“Go make the little one proud,” your friend whispers before opening the door for you. 

You flash him your most sincere smile as your heart leaps at his words and make your way to your seat, across the other Atty. Kim who looks just as ready as you do.

There’s a brief moment before the meeting starts when you palm your belly lovingly, taking this time to calm yourself down with the presence of the tiny human inside you. While merely the size of a raspberry, you can’t help but imagine their tiny little face, satisfied and excited at the thought of their mother about to kick some ass.

**

The week flies by fairly quickly, with more meetings and court appearances filling your days, as always, and it’s Friday before you know it. 

It’s still cold for the tail end of winter, so you put on your slick overcoat to match your black jumpsuit and a yellow statement necklace, and replace your nude stilettos with yellow t-straps. You’re not used to not being in your usual 4-inch heels, but a decrease in height is not much of a sacrifice; you welcome the excuse, if you’re being honest.

Jin insists on having his chauffeur drive the two blocks from your office to Blue Side, saying that he can’t have you walking and risk getting into an accident on his watch. 

Much as he’s the feared lawyer who could destroy anyone with his devilish good looks and arguments, you know deep down he’s still the same well-mannered junior who helped 20-year old freshman you at law school, not one bit intimidated by the competence of someone as young as you. 

He’d been the one to pirate you from the big law firm where you interned and planned on working at, convincing you that you’d have more control in the medium-size one founded by his parents. It prompted you to think that your plan of making it partner by the time you’re 30 would be much more attainable there, and you were right. 

It was your grit and brains and competence that got you here, you remind yourself - winning cases and getting new clients left and right - but you don’t deny the mentorship your friend gave to help you in the process.

“The car will just be here, okay? Just let me know when you’re tired and I’ll have you taken home,” Jin says as you both exit the vehicle.

“I will, Atty. Kim,” you tease. “Much as I’d like to take advantage of you paying for all my drinks, I won’t stay long. I’m leaving for Geochang in the morning.”

“Byeol driving you, I hope?”

“Yes,” you roll your eyes. “You know my best friend wouldn’t let me take the train or drive there myself.”

“Good,” he smiles, opening the door of the cafe. “Can’t have anything bad happening to my right hand woman. Don’t know how I’d manage the firm without you.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t know, too,” you laugh.

Hobi’s bright smile from across the room catches your attention once you enter, and you mirror it when he sees you and promptly walks towards you. 

“Glad you could make it,” he hugs you and Jin, guiding you past the hallway to the elevator up the rooftop. “The launch of the new space isn’t scheduled until next month but Jimin convinced me to have a trial run with you guys.” 

“Convinced you or played the I’m-your-legal-counsel card so you’d agree?” You cock an eyebrow.

“A bit of both,” Hobi chuckles. “He’s not wrong though. I’d love your feedback on the layout and the dessert spread so I’ll know what to improve on.”

“That, we can do,” Jin says. “We are dessert connoisseurs, after all.”

“That’s just him. I just eat the food,” you laugh.

The three of you exit the elevator that directly leads outdoors and you’re pleased with the rustic feel of the place, with lanterns and fairy lights hanging above wooden couches and cocktail tables. There’s a bar at the center, with one side of it arranged as the designated space for the dessert spread. 

“I’m short on staff tonight so I’ll head downstairs, but tabs are open, alright?” Hobi says. “Tell Jimin to call me if you need anything.”

You bid your friend goodbye and spot Jimin and Yoongi going around with a tray of glasses and a bottle of tequila, urging your colleagues to take a shot. You’re surprised that more than half of the firm is here, filling up the entire space, including the ones who rarely ever go out. You just know that Jimin somehow charmed them to drop by. With his perfectly-coiffed platinum ash hair and alluring smile, you can’t really blame them. 

Both men spot you and Jin and head your direction, with three tequila-filled shot glasses ready.

“Grape juice for you, ___,” Yoongi hands you your drink. 

“Cheers to being the four most amazing people in the firm,” Jimin raises his glass. “And for all the amazing things that happened to ___ the past year. She deserves all that and more.”

“Well, I guess thanks are in order to the most supportive colleagues ever,” you smile at the three men, internally thanking the stars that despite the exhausting and competitive field you’re in, you found friends whom you can trust and count on.

Yoongi and Jin start talking about their weekend plans of going golfing this weekend, while you and Jimin head to get some dessert. You fill your plate with the bite-sized cakes, profiteroles, and blueberry tarts, with you stating that you wish they had some strawberry ones, too.

“Craving already, I see,” Jimin smirks. “I spotted the same slice of strawberry shortcake in the pantry’s fridge yesterday with your name on it.”

“I had the best one over the holidays when we went to the US; I haven’t gotten enough of it since then,” you explain. “Byeol and Namjoon have been buying me from different bakeries and restaurants until I’m satisfied.”

“Thank the stars for best friends who’d satisfy your cravings,” Jimin says, and you wholeheartedly agree. 

You know it’s not easy to do that when they’ve got their own lives and jobs to deal with.

“The cakes don’t taste like what I want, though, so I’m never truly satisfied; I just can’t tell them that.”

“Well, my friend’s the new pastry chef here,” he continues. “It won’t be hard to convince him and Hobi to start serving strawberry shortcake.”

“Oh, they finally have an actual pastry chef? No wonder Hobi decided on expanding the menu.”

“He always wanted to, just needed the right person for the job, I guess,” Jimin says, his face immediately lighting up as someone with a tray filled with more desserts exits the elevator. “Oh, there he is!”

A man who seems to be in his early twenties approaches you and gives the tray to a server, who promptly places the tarts and macarons on the spread. 

“Kook, it’s so nice to have you back,” Jimin chirps, giving his friend a hug. “How was the internship in Singapore?”

“It was incredible,” the man says, his eyes flitting from Jimin to you and lingering. “Just reminded me how much more I need to learn and Hobi’s been great in letting me experiment and have fun.”

“Well, when he said he was looking for a pastry chef, I immediately thought of you.”

“Thanks, man. Glad I get to be back in Seoul and see what’s out here.”

You don’t miss how the younger man gazes at you, his pierced eyebrow and tattooed right arm that you spy from his rolled up sleeve a contrast to his youthful features like his doe-eyes and cheeky, slightly devious yet still boyish smile. 

While you hate to admit that you’re used to this - men eyeing up and down the young, successful female lawyer in her power suits and heels - you’re more confident in a meeting room and in a court, not in a rooftop bar during a night out with colleagues, partly because you don’t always do this, and partly because you don’t really catch attention outside of the courtroom. But like your friends have pointed out, it’s probably that first trimester glow.

“Oh yeah, this is Atty. Kim ___,” Jimin introduces you. “Youngest junior partner at the firm and current person I admire,” he continues, and you playfully roll your eyes at him sucking up to you again. “And this is Jeon Jungkook. He was a freshman when I was a senior at college, and we were in the same dance club for that one year he joined. Got pretty close after.”

“Ah, the prettier Atty. Kim, I suppose,” Jungkook takes his hand out, which you briefly shake. “So you’re the woman that Jimin misses game nights for,” he quips.

“Work is important and I demand the best from my staff,” you shrug, feigning interest and sipping your juice.

“Oh, I’m sure you do. Jimin here has always been committed to his job, so much so that he missed my birthday trip last September because he had so much work to do.” 

“He didn’t complain though,” you bite back.

“I don’t mind, now that I see you,” Jungkook smirks, “I mean, he never said his boss is gorgeous.” 

“Why the fuck would I say that to you about my boss?” Jimin finally speaks up, incredulous at his friend’s statement. 

“So you don’t think I am?” You nudge him. 

“I mean… you’re—” 

“I’m just messing with you, Park,” you laugh, causing Jungkook’s smile to soften at your tender sound.

“Telling you as a friend, you are pretty though. Don’t fire me for saying that, nor for my friend for saying that,” Jimin scratches the back of his neck.

“What’s wrong with it? I’m complimenting her,” Jungkook defends.

“You just met. Maybe ask her first if it’s okay since it’s about her looks? Plus, you’re not exactly being subtle with the way you’re gazing at her,” Jimin scolds.

“I’m here, you know,” you remind them.

“Fine,” Jungkook turns towards you with a little smirk. “May I compliment you about your looks?”

“Nope,” you say pointedly.

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles. “Let me go with small talk, then. How do you like the tarts?”

“Did you make them?” You eye the ones on the table not far away.

“With these skilled hands,” he raises and wiggles them, veins and more ink decorating them, “yes.”

You put on an unimpressed look. “They’re too sweet. And what’s a dessert spread without anything with strawberries?”

Jungkook isn’t fazed, merely enjoying getting more out of you like this, even if you do seem a little annoyed. 

“Got that. I’ll go easy on the sugar for you,” he winks. “And this is just a teaser of our desserts and luckily for you, I’ve got some strawberry cakes and tarts for taste-testing. Mind having the honor?”

“Not really,” you respond, causing Jimin to laugh and enjoy this exchange because you did just talk about constantly craving for some strawberry shortcake.

“I’ll just surprise you, then,” Jungkook smiles. “Can I perhaps offer you a cocktail?” 

“I can’t drink, I’m pregnant,” you say before you could stop yourself. 

It’s just something you’ve always wanted to vocalize, given the journey it took for you to get here - from deciding on having a baby, going through counseling, finding the perfect half, and actually trying and finally letting it stick.

“Well, shame on me for trying to flirt with a taken woman,” Jungkook says, traces of confidence and smugness melting away with his smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask.”

“Oh, she’s very much single though, just pregnant,” Jimin casually shares.

You glare at him, as it’s something you weren’t exactly keen on letting the stranger know, but your friend’s apologetic face makes you forget about it.

“Sorry, please don’t fire me,” he pleads. 

“Hmm. So you really are pregnant,” Jungkook states, with a cheeky smile back on his face.

“You think I’m lying?”

“No. I mean, maybe it’s an excuse to turn me down?” 

“I can say that to your face without an excuse,” you cross your arms. “Like, I’m turning you down. Sorry, I’m not interested.”

Jungkook places his hand on his chest, faking being hurt by your rejection. “Wow, that’s a first,” he cockily says.

“Oh my god. Please. Look around,” you state exasperatingly. “I’m sure there are other women out here who’d gladly keep you company,” you say, glancing at the interns and other young lawyers at your firm who’d been sultrily eyeing him for a while now. “Or maybe ride your dick if you wanted or something.”

“You’re the only one who caught my attention though, and I don’t really want anyone else’s. And, what made you think that being ridden is what I want?” Jungkook asks the last bit incredulously.

You shrug. “You’re friends with Jimin. Just assumed, sorry.”

“Well, you’re not completely wrong about that,” he smirks again, earning him a scoff from you. “But I'm also quite the hopeless romantic. I like dinner dates under the stars and long walks by the beach.” 

“Holy shit, you’re sleazy,” you say, though your laugh at the end doesn’t convince Jungkook that you truly think he’s insufferable, and that makes him think that he might actually have a chance.

“Kook, strike out,” Jimin shakes his head, the secondhand embarrassment becoming too much. “Your usual charm won’t work on her.”

You flash an almost triumphant smile.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop. I have to refill the food anyway,” Jungkook says, walking behind you to take the tray from the table. “But I mean it though, in case it matters and I hope it does,” he whispers. “You’ve caught my attention since you entered the cafe, and I like dates, and not just to fool around.”

His gruff voice sends shivers down your spine, and somehow you know he means it, but you pull yourself out of his temporary spell before you fall into it. 

“Still not interested,” you say.

“Maybe I could change your mind.”

“Maybe you won’t.”

“We’ll see,” he smirks for the nth time then leaves.

Jimin watches the exchange in amusement but apologizes just the same. “I’m so sorry for him. He’s usually more bearable than that.”

“It’s okay. I’ve unfortunately experienced worse,” you shrug, cringing at the memory of men who’d been way more disrespectful and offensive and just didn’t know when to stop. “And technically, Jin is your boss, you know that right? I just endorse your paycheck.”

“Oh, I know. Kook tends to be a persistent, annoying little brat sometimes and I needed the boss excuse to not visit him in Singapore for his birthday last September. We had that big trafficking case last year.”

You satisfyingly hum at the memory. It was a case you brought in and took on, and winning it dispelled whatever doubts the senior lawyers still had about your skills. It was also the one that, according to Jin’s father, elevated the firm’s status, thanks to your persistence and insistence on doing things your way.

“But he’s a really good guy, ___. Tends to be a bit all over the place and likes to have too much fun sometimes but one of the nicest people I know.”

“And this matters, why?” You ask.

“Because your cravings will frustrate you pretty soon and I know you when you don’t get what you want,” he furrows his brows. “And keeping a chef close by is always a benefit.”

“Hmm, you have a point,” you nod.

“And you’re very single and so is he,” Jimin adds.

“Don’t ruin it, Park,” you glare at him. “Being single is what I plan to be for now.”

**

You find yourself entering Blue Side alone the next morning, with Byeol asking to sleep in a little longer after an emergency surgery she had to perform last night. You said you’d be fine having breakfast on your own, and she could just pick you up at the cafe with takeout for her before you take the 3-hour drive to your hometown.

There’s something comforting coming here, with its cozy yet bright interior that personifies Hobi. The darkwood floor and wooden chairs are contrasted by the pops of color found in the throw pillows, the rugs, and the small paintings and figurines displayed on the shelves. The smell of coffee beans makes it the perfect place to start your day.

“Hey, ___,” Hobi greets you with his usual cheeriness. “Sorry I didn’t get to spend time with you guys last night, but I hope the food and drinks were good.”

“They were, actually,” you smile at the memory of some of the best-tasting tarts you’ve had in awhile from last night, and of course, the lie you told the flirty chef that they were too sweet. 

You hate to admit that you’re afraid you’d be craving them but wouldn’t want to give Jungkook the satisfaction of actually liking what he’s made. You could be petty sometimes and that’s totally fine, you remind yourself.

“That’s great to hear. I was a bit worried because Jungkook, our new pastry chef, was nervous about the spread. He said someone commented they were too sweet and he started to panic and he’s never like that.”

“Oh, really?” You say guiltily. “That person probably wasn’t in their right mindset last night. The stuff was delicious. Maybe have some strawberry and raspberry ones next time?” You flutter your eyelashes. “I would devour them.”

Hobi laughs and you’re glad he’s not dwelling too much on the comment he doesn’t know you made, and you feel a little bad that Jungkook took it so seriously, something you didn’t intend nor expect.

“I know you would, but they’re in the works. Jungkook tends to be a bit all over the place sometimes but he can be laser focused if he wants to be.”

“Hmm. Park said the same thing last night,” you say.

“Ah, so you met Kook!” Hobi says excitedly. “I’m glad he finally figured out what he wanted to do and I got to him before others did. The guy’s talented.”

“Oh yeah? You seem to know him well.”

“Enough. He was three batches lower than me and Jimin but we’d see him everywhere - in the quad, the management building, in all the parties. And that’s considering he was in college for just two years before he dropped out then went to pastry school.”

“Interesting,” you say, although even more of a turnoff, if you’re being honest, considering he couldn’t seem to make up his mind about what he wanted to do with his life, the complete opposite of you who knew exactly what you wanted when you were just 15 years old.

Hobi’s about to respond when the devil himself enters the cafe, dressed in black jeans and an oversized plaid polo over a thin black turtleneck, similar to what he wore last night and one you realize is what they wear under their chef’s whites. He doesn’t notice you, as he bops his head to the music only he hears, his sleepy eyes and mussed hair telling you that he doesn’t seem to be a morning person. 

Under the overhead lights and with the sun shining from outside, you can make out more of his features, like his sharp jawline and thin, pink lips. He places his bag on the counter, still unknowing of your presence, and he cracks his neck and combs his hair with his fingers like it’s some morning ritual. You hate how such harmless acts are getting you worked up, and you blame it on the hormones because, well, you can.

“Rough night?” Hobi smirks, and the insinuation isn’t lost on Jungkook and you.

“Not really. I got turned down,” he shrugs, and your heart races at the thought that he didn’t, in fact, get his dick wet after you rejected him last night. 

“Well, that’s a first. And I probably know her if she’s from the firm so I won’t ask,” Hobi laughs. “So no date, huh?”

“Nothing more than her name,” Jungkook sighs. “But she looked so—” 

You clear your throat to let him know that you are actually there, not wanting to admit that you’re nervous of what he meant to say about you.

Jungkook turns towards you, eyes widening at the sight of the woman he was referring to that rejected him, much to his dismay. Although with the way you carried yourself last night, he already had a feeling that trying to impress you wouldn’t be easy.

He recovers quickly as he cheekily smiles again. “Hmm, didn’t think I’d see you so soon.”

He proceeds to remove the rings off his fingers and places them on the counter, smirking as he eyes you mindlessly watching him do so, your lips parting just the slightest bit.

“___ basically opens the place most days,” Hobi answers for you. “At least today it isn’t for work.”

He motions towards your comfy sweats and luggage bags good for a weekend trip.

“I come in earlier than most staff, actually,” you correct. 

“Hey, my shift usually isn't until lunch time,” Jungkook defends. “But we’ve got loads of orders of pastries after last night, even if someone said they were too sweet. I’m thinking now maybe they were lying,” he smirks.

You chuckle, but you can’t deny the way you’re being affected by his gaze, especially as he chooses to remove his polo in front of you and change it with his white one, briefly gracing you with his taut pecs and toned arms bulging out of his semi-tight black top.

You turn away, your hands reaching for your belly as what you’ve come to do whenever you find yourself flustered.

Jungkook remembers that you’re indeed pregnant, embarrassment filling him since he made a move on you.

“Speaking of which, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable,” he continues. “I didn’t know that you—” 

“Jeon Jungkook, what did you do to my best customer?” Hobi interjects. “Did you hit on her? Should I fire you or something? Don’t make me, we’re just about to launch our dessert menu.”

“I, well, I was tipsy and—” 

“You drank during your shift?!” Hobi is now close to a meltdown. 

“Depends on who’s asking,” Jungkook chuckles, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

You roll your eyes, and he’s back to being the sleezeball you met last night. “You didn’t smell like alcohol. But either way, human decency tip: don’t use that as an excuse next time, okay? That’s a really douchebag thing to do.”

“I’m sorry. I just…” Jungkook panics, knowing he’s really thrown away his shot with you. “You really caught my eye last night and I didn’t know how to say that without sounding like a creep or anything.”

“Wait, she’s the woman you said turned you down?” Hobi now laughs. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook huffs, looking like a kicked puppy and you actually feel a little bad for him.

“Wow, this is quite the unlikely pair,” Hobi continues. “I’ve never seen Kook seriously be upset over a rejection because, well, he’s never really been rejected. Not that he hits on every woman he fancies, just to be clear,” he backtracks, as Jungkook glares at him for rambling. “Bottom line is, I wouldn’t say he’s a creep, just a little too persistent sometimes.”

“It’s okay,” you laugh, not wanting Jungkook to feel even worse. “Jimin profusely apologized for last night and vouched for him.”

You turn to Jungkook this time. “And I don’t think you’re a creep. Just a kid who thinks he’s got game and you probably do, which I’m sure a lot of women your age would happily go for and—” 

“Wait, a kid?” Jungkook exclaims. “You think I’m a kid? ___, you’re not that much older,” he adds. 

He didn’t even think you were in your 30s if Jimin hadn’t told him last night. 

“Well, you’re 24… right? So is my baby sister. Anyone in their early twenties is a kid to me,” you shrug.

“That can’t be any further from the truth, actually, and I—” 

“Please don’t say you’ll prove it to me. I don’t really need you to. Like I said, I’m not interested,” you say once more, with a hint of irritation in your voice, something he picks up.

“Got it. My apologies, Atty. Kim,” his smile fades a little, no longer the same cheeky one he’s been sporting since last night. “Would you like something to eat? On me, just to make it up to you. Perhaps something sweet? I make a mean French Toast.”

You give in, seeming as if he’d gotten the message that you really don’t want to play this flirting game with him. “Okay then. Jimin did mention that last night.”

Jungkook’s eyes have a glimmer in them, the corners of his lips turning up softly as you give him a smile. 

“Okay, good.” He rolls up his sleeves and grabs his things. “Order coming right up.”

**

“So,” Byeol raises her eyebrows at you from across the table. “Who was that hottie at the cafe yesterday who couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off you?”

You’re currently seated at the outdoor dining table of your family home, surrounded by your mother and siblings, as well as your best friend Namjoon and his pregnant wife, Ma-Ri. It’s been a while since you’ve been complete, with everyone being busy with their respective jobs to find time to come together and celebrate your pregnancy. 

It’s been a month since you found out, and the relief of being successful at it after the 4th cycle elated you. You’d wanted to celebrate with your loved ones immediately but it had to wait, and you’re just glad that you get to be with all of them in your hometown, even if it’s only for the weekend.

“A hottie? Someone’s flirting with you?” Sun-hee looks up from her phone. “Who’s the unlucky guy who’s going to be rejected multiple times?”

You frown at her, knowing you’d done it already.

“The new pastry chef at Hobi’s cafe,” you shrug. “It’s nothing. He’s your age, actually.”

“Ew,” Sun-hee makes a face. “That’s like, dating your little brother.”

“Yup, I totally called him a kid and he hated it,” you laugh.

“Well, if I’m flirting with someone and they call me a kid, I’d hate it, too,” Yuri points out. “You hated it.”

You scowl at her at the reminder. 

“Only because that was Yun-seo’s default statement every time we fought then,” you roll your eyes, remembering how the 5-year gap only mattered to him whenever you argued, but never when he needed you to fix his bills and taxes or make him look good to his bosses.

“Oh, so we’re allowed to say that asshole’s name now?” Taehyung asks, his hardened face only ever showing up when you talk about your ex. 

“Pretty much,” you hum.

“But we still hate him, right?” Your brother asks.

“Not really, I just… It’s been years, and it doesn’t really matter now that I’m pregnant. I made it without him, that’s all that matters,” you sigh. “It bothered him so much that my independent ass could thrive whether he was around or not and me getting pregnant without a partner just proves that I can, indeed, make things happen without him, or any partner for that matter.”

“Must be pretty lonely though,” Namjoon says, as you meet his perpetually soft eyes when it comes to you.

“I have 3 different kinds of vibrators, Joonie,” you laugh.

“I don’t mean that!” He nudges you.

“Well, I have a little human growing in me and I’ll get to meet them in a few months!”

“Yeah but, I don’t mean that, too.”

“I know,” you laugh bitterly. “I’m too young to think that I’ll never have a partner or anything. I mean, look at Mom, flirting her way to her sixties.”

You all laugh, as your mother owns up to her ways. She never let anything faze her, and that’s why you always looked up to her. She’s perhaps the biggest reason why you even think you could do this. 

Even when your father left your mother with 4 young children and a budding medical career, she didn’t back down - not from being a successful doctor, and especially not from being a loving parent. With the help of your grandparents when they were still alive then, she made sure all 4 of you were given all your basic needs and more, including all the support she could give at that time, without giving up her career and happiness.

By the time you’d all graduated from college, she thought it was time she could share herself with others, too - going on dates, trips, and meeting other men who could be potential partners for her. She took on the challenge of being a single mother, not once making any of you feel like something was missing, and when it was time, she chased her own happiness outside of her family, too. 

“You’d be surprised at how horny doctors are,” your mother sips her beer. “They’re divorcees and widowers who want companionship as well. That kind of thing knows no age, darling,” she tells you. “You’ll never be too old to want sex or a hand to hold or someone to laugh with. Your baby-making abilities may have an expiration date, but your desire for a warm body doesn’t.”

“Spoken like the true warrior that you are, Auntie,” Byeol says, having witnessed everything about your family as your best friend of 20 years.

“Got the scars to prove it,” your mother winks. “But I’m planning on settling down soon. Jung-jae seems like it for me and I’d really want to see where our relationship could go.”

You all squeal in excitement, given that she’s finally made up her mind about the man she wants to take seriously this time. While it seemed like she was more into Byung-hun, the chief of the cardiology department, you knew deep down she’d go for Jung-jae, an old friend and university professor who’s her grounding presence and the calm to her storm. 

“I’m happy for you, Mom. You deserve it. At least he won’t be surprised that you have three additional children that you look after,” you laugh, referring to your friends who are also part of the family. 

“Thank you, honey. And I’m happy for you, too,” she sends you an air kiss. “I’m glad it finally worked out, and that not being in a relationship didn’t stop you from having your own child.”

“She wrote this on her vision board, Auntie, of course she was gonna make it happen,” Namjoon laughs, referring to the life-size board you made when you were a teenager that you showed him. 

He recalls being in awe of you then, the briefest moment of thinking you were a little too crazy and uptight, eventually going away once you asked if you were, indeed, being a little too crazy and uptight. But he’d met you when you were 16 and he was 19 - you, as a college first-year student because you’d gone to school early and even skipped a grade level, and him, the student affairs representative who was tasked to help scholars like you. 

You were 20 by the time you graduated university, 25 when you became a certified lawyer, and 30 when you became a junior partner, just like you planned all those years ago. 

And even if your desire of becoming a mother materialized a few years later than what you’d originally planned - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you - you still made it happen. Namjoon knows you’d find a way to have your 3 kids by the time you’re 35, even if you’d have to do it via artificial insemination again. 

“Hey, that was 19-year old me who decided, okay,” you reason amidst the laughter. “And I just couldn’t shake it off.”

“And that’s totally fine, honey,” your mother says. “We all go through life in our own ways - some plan it out and some don’t, we all end up where we’re meant to be anyway, regardless of how we get there.”

“I know, Mom. Thank you for always reminding us,” you smile. 

“In that case, so who’s the hottie that Byeol said couldn’t keep his eyes off of you?” She teases. 

“A kid, like I said,” you shrug. 

“Babe, he didn’t look like a kid,” your best friend counters. “I don’t know if you were looking but his sexy arms were popping out of his thin top and the piercing on his eyebrow and those tattoos? Not your type but he totally could be.”

“You can have him, or Sun-hee can. Or Yuri or even Tae, for all I care,” you retort. “He’s too young, too flirty, too out there… and that’s on top of me not looking to date anytime soon. This was the one bit that was negotiable in my vision board.”

“Hey now, that isn’t exactly set in stone, is it?” Ma-ri now asks. “I mean, is he at least decent?”

You narrate what happened last Friday night and yesterday morning, much to the amusement of your family and friends. 

Since your breakup with Yun-seo, there wasn’t really someone worth sharing to them about. The tension between you and some of the lawyers you work with and go against were merely moments, and while you and Jin were a little too comfortable a few times, you both knew - and everyone around you - that you were too similar and would probably drive each other crazy, in a not so good way.

(“We’d kill each other,” you’d told Byeol in her inability to let go of the ‘power couple’ agenda. “But the sex!” She’d cried out.”)

“So yeah, the kid with the piercings and the tattoos isn’t bad. He makes really good French Toast, though,” you conclude your story.

“He sounds whipped,” Yuri says. 

“He sounds like the kind of guy who’d stand by like a little puppy waiting for you to give it some attention,” Tae says. “And you sound like the girl who’d keep thinking it’s cute and give it treats every once in a while, maybe pet it on special occasions but you’d never actually keep it.”

“How… specific,” you state, your brother merely shrugging at you.

“Okay, he may be a little handsome but I feel like we’re too different, I mean based on what the guys have said about him,” you say. “We’ll want different things at different times. And I know he’s just 7 years younger but that’s still… young. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna want someone who will need him back and I’ve just always been fine on my own. And I’ve got you guys and I—“

You stop, as you’re met with 7 pairs of eyes basically rolling at the back of their heads. 

“Yah! You’re overthinking again,” Byeol says. “And thinking too far ahead.”

“Can’t help it,” you say, as if you even need to. 

It’s what you tend to do, and they all know that. It’s gotten you this far and this much, though. 

“Anyway, not my priority,” you conclude. “I’m two months in, I’ve got prenatal yoga soon, I’ve got a nursery to design and daycare centers to research on… and a big case up ahead, on top of the usual ones. In short, my hands are full.”

“Alright, honey,” your mother comforts, going to you to hug you while you remain seated. “No pressure. He’s probably just some guy enraptured by you because you’re gorgeous and smart and capable and all the things that a good guy is supposed to appreciate, okay?”

She kisses your cheek, and you smile, not missing the other words she doesn’t say. 

You think about those that night after you'd gone back to Seoul and what prompted her to keep those unsaid. 

Yun-seo broke up with you three years ago after he dropped you off in your apartment, after you treated him to a fancy restaurant because you won a big case. He was quiet the whole night, and you’d been the one anxious, thinking you did something wrong. 

It was an offhanded comment by one of his colleagues, he said, about you being the one who wears the “pants” in the relationship, and the fact that a comment that stupid was enough to cause him to doubt his own capabilities and your relationship told you enough. 

You were a woman in your mid-twenties when you got together, fresh off passing the bar exams. With wide eyes and a trusting heart, you gave yourself to him, and he made you believe you were his endgame, the way you felt with him. It only took several high-profile cases and wins and a rapidly increasing salary to get him to realize that you are, indeed, a highly capable and independent woman who didn’t need his money, his influence, his name, and his protection.

“Such a bruise to your ego to date a younger woman who’s more successful than you are,” you told him then, not letting yourself cry over a man who saw your worth only when it benefitted him. 

“I just want to feel like you need me, that you could depend on me,” he’d said, masking his own insecurities. 

“You don’t ask that of people, you just become someone they lean on,” you responded. “You want to be needed because you want to feel important, not because you care about me, otherwise all my achievements wouldn’t be your downfall.”

You never thought a breakup could be that satisfying even if it hurt, and it hurt bad. 

Maybe it was you. Maybe you didn’t see the red flags, how he undermined your achievements and wanted you to just settle for whatever law firm, whatever case you could get. Maybe you were blinded by his kindness, thinking he was dependable all those times when really, he just wanted you to be dependent on him - every broken light, every burnt pancake, every piece of jewelry you were saving up for. It was all self-serving, and you’d realized it too late, a broken heart and your own bruised ego later. 

Everything that happened only prompted you to be better. You didn’t lose a part of you, you’d remind yourself everyday. You weren’t any less just because he left you. You continued to shower your family and friends with gifts, going on all the trips you planned on taking with Yun-seo, working harder until you went up the ladder, and finally, going to that fertility clinic that Byeol recommended after deciding that you were, indeed, going to have that baby like you wanted. 

Your siblings have grown up, your mother is getting older - you wanted a child to care for and to love, that your family could also love, that you were going to give your whole heart to because you could. 

You wanted that experience - of trying, of growing a little human inside of you, of bringing them into this world, of giving them everything because you made them… All you needed was a man somewhere else in the country who was good enough to give you a hopefully perfectly healthy little one. 

You cradle your growing belly, like you do every night, and hum the closest to a lullaby that you can. You imagine having this child and the life you’ll both have - hopefully with more siblings, and maybe another parent, too, in time, if the universe wanted it.

But right now, you and this baby are the only ones who matter, and you can’t wait to meet them.

**

Jungkook yelps in surprise as Hobi nudges him on the shoulder, the young man’s eyes blinking to try to stay awake as he continues his preparations for the day’s bakes. 

“I honestly didn’t think you’d last more than a day but it’s already Thursday and I’m impressed,” the older man chuckles. “You got it hard, Kook. I didn’t think you’d be committed to anything other than baking.”

“Well, I am still baking,” Jungkook responds, taking the puff pastry that’s been chilled overnight. “Just, you know, doing it for someone who—” he holds his hand up in front of Hobi to keep him from interjecting— “is actually helping me with the final dessert menu,” Jungkook continues. 

“I am the one who should be helping you with the final menu,” Hobi teases. “I am your boss, not ___.” 

“Yes, but you’re not a customer, she is.”

“Who also happens to be the woman you’re currently crushing on.”

“And that,” Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. 

It’s been 4 days since he’s been coming to the cafe about 6 hours earlier than he’s required to. After finding out that you come here every morning for your only caffeine fix of the day, he rearranged his shift so that he’s on opening duty and taking this time to whip up something he’s been working on to serve to you, on the house, as part of his efforts of finalizing the dessert menu that Hobi has asked him to do. 

You were surprised when you arrived last Monday, not expecting Jungkook to be there serving your coffee because that’s also something he learned to do. 

He also served you a strawberry tart like you hoped he did last weekend, and he was over the moon when he saw your lips turn up after the first bite, even more so when you finished it immediately and told him to make sure it makes it on the menu.

Everyday since then, Jungkook has been making something new for you to try, from scratch. He’d been perfecting the recipes in time for the soft launch in a few weeks, as Hobi wants an afternoon tea set with seasonal pastries. 

As Hobi’s favorite customer, Jungkook says it’s important that you get to weigh in on which ones make the final cut, although both men know that’s complete bullshit. Jungkook hasn’t stopped thinking nor talking about you since that night you both met, and all he wants to do is impress you. 

Hobi watches the young man prepare the filling for the turnovers, with Jungkook hissing as he lightly burns his fingers from momentarily dozing off. He only had 3 hours of sleep after staying up late playing Overwatch with his friends, with Jimin copping out much earlier in the night because of work. Lucky him, Jungkook thinks, being in the same space as you everyday. 

“Fuck,” Jungkook wails, tending to his aching fingers.

“Love hurts, doesn’t it?” Hobi teases, earning him a smack from the younger man. 

“Be supportive, will you?”

“I am! Even if I think you don’t really have a chance.”

“Why, because of my age? I’m not her type? She’s mature and responsible and I’m not?” Jungkook states. “I’ve heard that already from her friends.”

“And they have a point, Kook. They are her friends.”

“Yeah but—” his mouth opens then closes, unsure what else he wants to say. 

He doesn’t want to come off as disrespectful, even if all he’s been doing is give you free food.  

“You know what makes one not mature? Not accepting no for an answer,” Hobi points out. 

Jungkook merely huffs, knowing his friend is right.

It’s not another hour when you arrive, in your high-waist skirt and kitten heels, iPad in hand as you read through articles and case files. He sees you from the kitchen order your drink and settle at your usual table, the one in the corner. 

“Fancy seeing you here again this morning,” he says. “Strawberry turnovers and a bowl of vanilla ice cream made from scratch, just in case.”

His smile is soft yet proud, doe-eyes trying to read your amused ones, as internally, you can’t wait to sink your teeth into these. The image of that puppy that Tae told you from last weekend enters your mind, and you snap out of it before you give a misleading smile or a compliment that would make Jungkook think all this is okay. 

You’re not one to lead someone on, and Jungkook seems too sweet of a guy for you to do that to him.

“Hobi, is it okay if I ask Jungkook to take a seat in front of me?” You call out to your friend. 

Hobi nods, knowing what’s about to come.

Meanwhile, Jungkook stands there unable to process what’s going on, and you have to nudge him to sit on the chair across from you.

“I, uh…”

“Jungkook, what are you doing?” 

“Serving you free food?” His voice increases in pitch.

“Why?”

“Because… Because you like strawberry desserts and I’m working on the final menu and I wanna know what you think of them.”

“But you shouldn’t,” you say pointedly.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not just making all this so early in the morning so you’d know what I think of them, so it could help you decide on the final menu. You want to impress me, and I don’t like ulterior motives, Jungkook. You’re not exactly subtle.”

“Well, I’ll have you know that all of those are true,” he says, “because yes, I want to impress you. I’m obviously attracted to you, like, I burned my fingers while making the filling because I’m so sleepy from playing Overwatch last night but I wanted to make these for you so you’d want more and keep coming here and trying on the stuff I’m making.”

“And then?”

“And then what?”

“You’ll keep giving me free food?”

“Well—”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Well, yeah. Hobi’s gonna kill me.”

You can’t help but laugh at his innocent eyes and pouty lips, especially as he sulks and scratches the back of his neck, turning towards a cross-armed Hobi who has a serious look on his face.

“Jungkook, I like the things you’re making. They’re honestly really good, but I have to keep myself from saying these to you because I don’t want you to take them differently,” you sigh. “All these could make it to the menu. You’re really talented, but that’s it. There’s nothing else and there’s nothing more. You’re gonna have to stop this special treatment, okay?”

“How would I take those compliments differently?” he pouts again, prompting you to cross your arms and cock an eyebrow.

“Fine. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a massive crush on you,” he says so casually.

You snort this time. So does Hobi, as well as Dea, the other cafe worker, who's been witnessing all this since Monday. 

“No shit, Sherlock. Like I said, you haven’t exactly been subtle.”

Jungkook looks at your cocked brow and takes it all in - you in your power suit, looking so put together and in control, and him in his already dirty uniform and burnt fingers, just trying to stay awake. 

It’s silly, he thinks, how he’d met you last week and how much effect you already have on him, while he doubts you even think about him after you exit this cafe and go on about your day, doing adult things, caring for yourself and another human being you’re carrying. 

He honestly doesn’t even remember if he’s already paid the monthly rent of his apartment that his parents still give him money for, or when the last time he even had it cleaned. He thinks about his suspended license after his repeated traffic violations and how he’s just been lazy to get around to working on it. 

He’s pretty much all over the place, as his friends always tell him, but he’s always managed to get by. He’s healthy, capable, and finally doing something he enjoys after being confused for most of his life. He likes his job so far, and it’s enough to get him excited and able to actually deliver; he’s sort of made up his mind about his career at this point, at least. 

You’re you and he’s him. He doesn’t really know what he was thinking, where his efforts would lead him, and why that would even make a dent in your life. He just decided on it after seeing you, and he hadn’t thought about what comes after. 

“I’m sorry, and I really mean it this time,” he smiles, the kind that makes you want to take him seriously. “I was being stupid and naive, I admit that. I didn’t think things through and that’s pretty immature of me.”

“You don’t have to put yourself down, you know,” you say. “That’s not what I intended at all.”

“I just wanted to verbalize it. It helps with accepting,” he chuckles. “I know I have to get my shit together and stuff.”

“Look, I’ve only known you for a week, and given that you have a job that you’re actually good at, that’s more than having your shit together,” you try to comfort him.

“Oh, ___, you have no idea.”

“Well, yeah, I guess I don’t,” you smile this time.

“Thank you though, for being honest with me, and for not being mean about it,” he says. 

“It didn’t hurt your ego?”

“Nah,” he shakes his head. “Mine isn’t that fragile. It’s all good.”

“That’s good, then. But I do mean it. Your stuff is great. I can’t wait to actually pay for them.”

“Thank you, ___. No more special treatment and trying to impress you to get you to like me,” he says, standing up. “Can we at least be friends?”

“Friends, that I can do,” you say, shaking the hand he reaches out. “Thank you, too.”

“Now, if you don’t mind, I have pastries to bake and a boss to make up to.”

You laugh and watch him go back to the kitchen, finally having time to devour the strawberry turnovers that’s been tempting you since Jungkook put them on the table. 

You finish each piece in three bites, scooping some ice cream and savoring its sweet taste to balance out your coffee’s bitter one. It’s heaven in your mouth and you’re glad you get to enjoy this without much of the guilt, as you pay what Hobi tells you the amount he’s pricing it, given that it has, in fact, made the final cut on the menu.

Jungkook merely hums from the kitchen, faintly hearing you rave about the pastry, and the sight of you earlier smiling as you quickly finished what he’d made is embedded in his mind. At least he gets to have this - friendship for you, and his continued admiration from afar.

##

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