#also yes I know I just made a pretentious ass of myself

[ham1lton]

WELCOME TO MIAMI

pairings: (platonic) oscar piastri x reader.

summary: after the miami grand prix, you and some of your fellow drivers go out for karaoke and drinks for ‘bonding’ according to a certain lando norris.

warnings: mentions of alcohol and strip clubs. also you pretend to be oscar’s wife and there is mentions of alleged infidelity but it’s obviously fake.

author’s note: this is slightly long but i promise you it’s worth the read. this is my apology for being inactive due to uni so let me know if you enjoyed! also i made the meme at the end and i’m proud of myself so cheer me on :D

— part of the maneater series ꕤ.

“i’m just not in the mood lando.” you throw yourself onto your very comfortable hotel bed. the sheets were soft and pillowy, are these thousand thread sheets? you don’t know what they were but they sound fancy. you flip yourself onto your back. “karaoke sounds awful right now. i need to be alone to drown my sorrows.”

“don’t be so dramatic y/n.” you can practically hear george’s eyeroll through the phone. he’s snatched lando’s phone for himself now. “this’ll be good for you.”

“i lost embarrassingly to max, it was the worst race of my entire career! i don’t deserve to celebrate or have fun.”

“you got p4.” george’s voice is deadpan. “get out of your hotel room, stop wallowing and i’ll get logan to pick you up.”

“why me?” logan asks in the background. “get an uber maneater!”

“she won’t come if no one forces her!” he’s right, you think bitterly. you would have ignored the uber even if the driver came up to your hotel room door and knocked five times. even if he opened the door and threw a bucket of cold water on your head and then threatened oscar’s life.

you knew why logan had to be the one to pick you up. it couldn’t be george. he’s annoyed you recently. he beat you to getting the podium today. it couldn’t be lando because he’s supporting george’s antics of dragging you out. it couldn’t be alex because he didn’t text his girlfriend to ask her about where she got her cute t-shirt that she wore on his recent instagram dump. you really liked that t-shirt. “logan is on his way. we’re giving you thirty minutes and if you’re not outside, i’m calling sebastian.”

“NO!”

“YES!” before you can try and rebuttal his statement, he’s hung up on you. well, there is no way you’re going out so george russell and his clique can shove that up their asses. you open netflix, and get yourself ready for a quiet night in.

one hour later, you found yourself at the karaoke bar that the guys had rented out for the night. logan running up to you, swinging the car’s rental keys around his fingers.

“i want you to know,” you breathed out, giving him the side-eye. “i hate this. i truly do.”

“i know.” logan nodded.

“i hate you.”

“know that too.” logan nodded again. “which isn’t fair really. this isn’t my fault.”

“fine. i hate you and all of them.” you gestured at the karaoke bar where lando had already gotten a few shots in his system and was belting out a britney song. “god. this is a bastardisation of a classic.”

“you know lando.” logan shrugged, opening the door for you. “after you.”

“since when were you a gentleman?”

“since i was about 76% sure that if you didn’t go before me, you’d order an uber and go straight back to the hotel.”

“i was thinking that.”

george is already slightly drunk when he spots you, opening his arms wide at your entrance. alex is sipping on a bottle of imported beer. very pretentious.

“maneater!” george grins. “the party don’t start till she walks in!”

oscar looks like he’s already regretting this. oscar and you had been best friends ever since you realised you both had a low tolerance for bullshit. you roll your eyes at george who pretends to pout but uses it as an excuse to order more shots.

“did they drag you out too?” oscar nods, like every movement pains him. “you want something to drink?”

“no. i’m hungry.”

“i think the only place open right now besides here is a strip club.”

“they have food?”

“let’s google.” after a few searches on your phone you find out the strip club has a menu. “apparently they serve chicken wings and fries.”

“let’s go.”

“wait!” you grab oscar’s arm. “you can’t go to a strip club! think about the optics or something. the media will spin it like ‘crazy f1 sex-addicted rookie’. is that what you want your legacy to be?”

“i won’t have a legacy if i starve to death.” oscar rolls his eyes. then he turns to logan. “throw me your rental keys logan, maneater and i are going to the drive-thru.”

“no.” george says sternly. as sternly as one can be while slightly drunk and a shirt that loses a button every ten minutes. how was it looser than it was two seconds ago? “you can’t leave. if you leave, you won’t come back.”

“okay?” oscar raised an eyebrow. “we’re grown george. you can’t keep us here.”

“one song and you can go.”

“that’s ridiculous.”

“one song. that’s all i’m asking.” george raises his hands. “then you can leave. unless, you’re too chicken.”

“i’m very much chicken. bye.” oscar gets up to leave before you stop him.

“c’mon. one song isn’t a bad compromise and we’re already here.” you shrug. “might as well.”

“you can do it. i’ll watch.” you stick your tongue out at oscar’s reluctance.

“lando, will you do it with me?”

“sure as long as i’m choosing the song!” lando grins as oscar gives you both the side eye. you weren’t much of an adrenaline junkie off the track and in private, you were very different to the maneater persona you would show in public. lando chooses nelly furtado’s ‘promiscuous’ but he sings her parts and you sing timbaland’s. you kill it, if you do say so yourself.

as soon as you’re done, oscar holds up the keys to the rental that logan had brought you in and you follow him out on your search for dinner. as you and oscar make your way to the car, you realise that the only place open for food at this hour is, unfortunately, that strip club down the street.

"you're kidding, right?" oscar gives you a disbelieving look.

you shrug. "hey, they serve food and you’re hungry. desperate times call for desperate measures."

with a reluctant sigh, oscar unlocks the car and you both climb in. you arrive at the strip club, the neon lights flashing in the night. as you enter, you can't help but feel a little out of place amidst the scantily clad dancers and dimly lit atmosphere.

“we're not staying for the show," you say firmly to oscar as you approach the bar.

"i wasn’t trying to," oscar looks around warily.

the smell of greasy food wafts over from the corner where a small kitchen is tucked away.

"we're really doing this," you mutter to oscar as you make your way to the bar.

"yep," he replies, already scanning the menu for chicken wings.

before you can order, a vivacious stripper saunters over, batting her eyelashes at oscar. "hey there, handsome. looking for some company?"

oscar looks taken aback for a moment before he quickly recovers. "uh, actually, we’re just here for the food. we heard you do… food?"

the stripper arches an eyebrow skeptically. "sure you are hun. what's your story, then?"

you jump in, trying to come up with a believable excuse. "we’re... celebrating our anniversary! yeah, that’s it. we wanted to do something wild, and crazy and spontaneous."

oscar nods, playing along. "exactly. seven years together, can you believe it?"

“you look so young.”

“she keeps me young.” oscar winks and then immediately regrets it. he turns slightly pink.

the stripper eyes you both suspiciously. "hmm, anniversary, huh? and you're at a strip club?"

you nod enthusiastically. "yep! we’re... adventurous like that."

the stripper shakes her head, clearly not buying it. "uh-huh."

you turn to oscar, a mischievous glint in your eye before turning and pouting at the stripper. "he cheated on me, you know."

oscar’s eyes widen in confusion. "wait, what?"

you nod solemnly. "yeah, with my yoga instructor. can you believe it? i guess that’s what happens when you let another girl bend your man over.”

the stripper scoffs, shaking her head. "honey, now why would you take a cheater to a strip club? that's like taking a carnivore to the butchers.”

oscar jumps in, eager to exonerate his fake persona. "actually, she cheated on me too!"

the stripper raises an eyebrow. "oh, really?"

"yeah, with my dentist," oscar deadpans. “imagine how i felt… lying on the chair getting my tooth drilled into while my wife was at home getting a different hole drilled.”

“well, you cheated with the milkman!”

“he gave me something you never could.” oscar sniffs.

“milk?”

“no. love.”

“i’ll get that order started for you.” she gives you both the side-eye. “i’ll leave you two lovebirds with your marriage issues. you need anything else give one of us a shout.”

you and oscar turn to each other and laugh.

“DENTIST?” you giggle. “couldn’t you have picked a sexier profession for me to cheat on you with?”

oscar chuckles, shaking his head. "hey, a cheating dentist is funny."

“fair point. but a milkman? really?"

"i had to think fast!" oscar defends himself. "i didn’t get time to prepare."

"true," you agree, wiping away tears of laughter. "i just hope our story doesn't end up in the tabloids."

oscar shrugs. "eh, if it does, at least it'll be entertaining."

you both continue to joke and laugh as you wait for your food.

"who knew a trip to a strip club could be so much fun?" you smile as you eat. the food was good at least.

oscar grins back. "only with you, y/n. only with you."

afterwards, you go back to meet with logan, lando, alex and george at the karaoke spot. george is singing a dramatic duet with alex to the tune of lady gaga and beyoncé’s ‘telephone’. lando is grinning while filming and logan is just staring, like he’s watching a car crash. too grotesque to look at but too insane to look away.

george spots you and points dramatically, motioning for you to join them. you exchange a look with oscar, both of you knowing that you can't resist the call of the karaoke stage.

as you approach the group, you can't help but notice the absence of one key ingredient: a one direction song.

"hey guys," you say, catching their attention. "this is fun and all, but i think it's time we mix things up a bit."

george raises an eyebrow. "oh yeah? and what did you have in mind?"

"a one direction song," you declare with a grin. “in front of everyone.”

the boys exchange skeptical glances, clearly not convinced.

"we can't do that," logan protests. "it's too... cheesy."

"come on, logan," you coax, giving him your best puppy dog eyes. "you owe me for dragging me here."

“that wasn’t even my decision!” logan sighs, knowing he's been cornered. "but i’ll do it, only if oscar does it too."

you turn to oscar, who looks less than thrilled at the prospect. "come on, oscar. remember that time you forgot my birthday?"

“i was in hospital! i had a reason!”

“still forgot it!”

oscar groans. "fine, i’ll do it. but this better not end up on the internet."

you turn to george and alex, who are watching the exchange with amusement. "you guys in?"

george grins. "i'm always up for a challenge."

alex nods in agreement. "sure, why not? carpe diem and all that.”

lando, of course, is already on board. "let's do it! who’s who?”

“i’ve already thought about it. here me out.” you start. “lando is harry, curly haired and british.”

lando fist-bumps you.

“alex is zayn.”

alex rolls his eyes. “because i’m an asian brit too?”

“okay i didn’t think about that but it kind of fits.” you think. “i meant it because zayn’s obviously the best.”

alex grins, obviously pleased with the flattery. george stares at you, impatiently tapping his foot.

“hurry it up y/n. who am i?”

“liam.” george thinks about it for a moment and then shrugs. “he’s the leader of the group and you created our groupchat and this meetup.”

“i can deal with that.”

“oscar is louis because he has the least amount of lines and i thought he’d appreciate that.” oscar smiles. “logan is niall because… blond.”

“how come they all got actual thought put in to theirs and i’m niall because i’m blond?” logan raises an eyebrow.

“blond was the best i could do on short-notice.” you shrug. “but hey, he’s irish! who doesn’t love the irish?”

“fair point.”

you move over to the machine and start to play ‘kiss you’ by one direction. as the familiar beats fill the karaoke bar, you can't help but feel a surge of excitement. this is going to be epic, whether oscar likes it or not.

oscar, looking less than thrilled, reluctantly takes his place on stage, shooting you a glare that says, "you owe me big time for this."

logan, standing awkwardly beside him, shifts uncomfortably, clearly not used to being the center of attention. you give him an encouraging smile, silently urging him to embrace the moment. you’re only a f1 driver/one direction cosplayer once, right?

lando, fully embracing his role as harry, struts to the front of the stage, oozing charisma and charm. alex, begrudgingly accepting his role as zayn, follows suit, trying his best to channel the brooding bad boy persona.

george, ever the showman, takes center stage as liam, belting out the lyrics with gusto. despite his initial reluctance, even oscar starts to get into the groove.

as for logan, well, he may not be the most enthusiastic performer, but he's giving it his all, his awkwardness somehow adding to the charm of the performance.

you, meanwhile, stand off to the side, phone in hand, filming the entire spectacle. this is going straight to your social media, no doubt about it.

as the song reaches its climax, the entire group comes together in perfect harmony, their voices blending seamlessly as they sing their hearts out. it may not be the most polished performance, but it's definitely one for the books. as the final notes fade away, the bar erupts into cheers and applause, and you can't help but feel a sense of joy as your friends amble off the stage and you all head out into the cool night.

liked by bestie1, logan.priv and 32 others.

maneater.priv: shoutout miami for having so many foreign babes 😋

view 34 comments.

bestie1: who are the foreign babes you speak of? i just see a bunch of white dudes and alex.

-> maneater.priv: um actually we have many 🤨 lando and george r british, alex is thai and british and oscar is aussie 😋 in america, they all foreign and logan may not be foreign but he’s a babe.

-> logan.priv: nicest y/n comment. possibly the y/n comment of all time actually.

oscar.priv: delete the last slide.

alex.priv: lily said she’s gonna text you the link to that shirt you liked.

-> maneater.priv: i knew i liked you for a reason.

oscar.priv: i know you see these (your full government name). DELETE.

lando.priv: how did you go to a strip club with oscar before me??

-> maneater.priv: me, u and vegas. we’ll go crazy.

-> lando.priv: YIPPEEE 😁😁

oscar.priv: blocking you btw.

george.priv: told u that you’d have fun!!!

-> maneater.priv: sorry i can’t agree with a man. ruins my street cred.

-> george.priv: what street cred?

-> maneater.priv: DELETE!!!!

-> oscar.priv: speaking of things that need to be deleted… delete the last slide 🙄

-> maneater.priv: no :D

oscar.priv: how would u feel if i shipped u with another driver?

-> maneater.priv: that depends… is he a hot one?

-> oscar.priv: no.

-> lando.priv: 😔

-> george.priv: stop being mean to lando oscar.priv.

-> oscar.priv: he deserves it.

-> george.priv: 213.40.205.53

-> oscar.priv: i hate it here.

[pretentious-librarian]

ACOTAR Review

Unfortunately, I was not able to evade that cursed woman for as long as I had hoped. She got me, exploiting my greatest weakness in the way her own characters are exploited by that very same weakness throughout the book: fucking love. My best friend, the love of my life, has fallen victim to Sarah J. Maas and in her obsession she has forcibly dragged me down with her. Now that I think about it, my best friend is quite literally the only thing that could ever make me pick up a SJM book. So in the name of love, I subjected myself to booktok's finest (which isn't saying much given booktok's reputation) and here are my thoughts, namely the ones I couldn't bring myself to voice to my friend. After all, the whole point of even reading this in the first place was so that she could have someone to talk about it with. While I am not above pointing out it's flaws to her, I don't have it in me to spite the very thing she gets so much joy out of as deeply as I would've wanted to. Besides, who am I to talk as a Twilight enjoyer when I know damn well that series was a beloved dumpster fire just as much as ACOTAR is. And honestly, her love for the series and my love for her has dissolved some of my bias and frankly, distaste, for the book. And now on to the review.

Disclaimers: Spoilers, ADHD ramblings and tangents, ungodly amounts of pretentiousness from someone who doesn't usually enjoy fantasy, and yes I know this book functions as a prequel and the second book is way better (I started the second book last night, wish me luck)

ACOTAR felt juvenile in nearly every aspect. To be fair, I had just finished reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstien mere days before picking up ACOTAR so I had to remind myself to go into it with a level of graciousness. Yet all the graciousness in the world cannot override the horrific editing of that damn book. Attempting to fall in love with a whole new world and characters was incredibly difficult when the writer in me was literally dying inside. To be completely honest, I always evaluate the writing of any book I read, especially in the beginning. I'm not even going to discuss how the majority of the book drug its feet or worse, was filled with inescapable, constant monologuing. I could rant and rave about "show don't tell" for hours, which is why I am choosing not to spend more than two sentences talking about the god awful fucking monologuing (to be fair, I'm aware that slow starts and monologuing are often necessary in fantasy books but definitely not to this extent). But holy shit, there were way too many instances in which I was flung from my daydreams and smacked square in the face by the sheer... fanfiction-ness of her writing. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE fanfiction and I am a huge advocate for its existence and protection, especially as a purely anti-capitalist labor of love without a single care about the skill level at which it was written. But when I pick up a viral #1 New York Times Best Selling Author's book, the last thing I am expecting to see is such elementary writing--that I firmly believe could've been rectified if she had hired an editor that was even half decent at their job. My qualifications for making such a claim? Even I have edited a full-length fantasy novel and unfortunately, it took many harsh reminders from my best friend to at least attempt to focus on the story rather than obsess over all the changes I would've personally made before I considered the book decent enough for publishing.

THAT SAID: One of the reasons I always gravitate towards fanfiction when I'm in a reading slump is because it's just so... digestible. ACOTAR was also digestable in a very similar way, which is sort of what made it possible for me to finish it in about four days. Honestly, (aside from my autistic ass struggling to connect with a brand new fantasy world and characters I feel fundamentally estranged from) the fanfiction-ness of the writing made me feel the same as when I'm watching reality TV: aware of the quality but choosing to have a good time with it anyways. Because my friend loved this book so much, I desperately wanted it to be good. But once I accepted that the writing was mid, as well as a good bit of the plot and the characters, I was able to enjoy myself enough to lose myself in the story, no matter how much the pretentious bitch inside kept trying to claw her way to the forefront of my thoughts. It was almost freeing to subject myself to such a juvenile piece of literature. Speaking of, there is one aspect of it's juvenility that I will not explore, but rather, let Robert Pattinson's reaction to reading the Twilight books to voice the principle of those thoughts instead:

"I was convinced Stephanie was convinced she was Bella, and it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published. You're like, reading her sort of, like, sexual fantasy about some...really sexy guy and she just writes this book about it. And like, some things about Edward is [are] so specific, it was like I was just convinced that...this woman is mad! She's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And like, sometimes you...feel, like, uncomfortable reading this thing! And I think a lot of people feel that is...in the same way kind of voyeuristic and and it creates this...kind of like, a sick pleasure in a lot of ways".

Although this sentiment about ACOTAR may not be exceptionally widespread, personally, as a far-left rad-fem socialist who has spent years learning to decenter men, some of what Rob said resonated with me. Despite that this type of book is not particularly appealing to me personally, that doesn't mean it's inherently bad quality (but can easily bar it from being good quality), and this aspect definitely would've connected to my younger self before I became a chronically online femen@zi.

Moving on. The pretentious bitch inside me couldn't help but quietly take note of what was executed nicely and what was not, even as I was doing my best to go with the flow. I might as well go ahead and discuss what else I liked about it before I'm written off completely. I adored the imagery and sensory details--it's truly what made the experience good enough to keep reading. Her descriptions really draw the reader in and make them feel like they're right there with characters, in the good times and the bad ones too. I definitely don't have aphantasia and am a chronic day dreamer so I absolutely love descriptive books. Colors, sensations, emotions, all of it. I loved and hated the way I felt genuine emotions in all kinds of scenes (hated not because I'm a bitter hater, but hated because I can't help but feel everything any character I'm reading about is feeling--good, bad, or otherwise. And boy did Feyre go through some shit). Typically, books that can make me feel deeply are the best books but in this case, it acted more as a saving grace, especially because most of those feelings that were present in this book, though intense, lacked a certain type of depth I tend to gravitate towards.

Another thing I liked was Lucien! Lucien is by far my favorite character, not because he's particularly extraordinary, but because he feels...real? rather than being another one of SJM's romantic projections. (Sorry the writing style changed half way through, I was lowkey writing like SJM because I thought it was funny but I got tired of that real quick.) In the same vein, every now and then Feyre would get real as fuck, which was greatly appriciated when reading about such intense situations. Nightmares feel like a cheap excuse to avoid having to deal with your MC being traumatized because it's not uncommon for nightmares to be one of the only aspects of trauma focused by YA/new adult writers as well as a trojan horse a romantic scene. ACOTAR felt more believable (or maybe the word is genuine?) because Feyre dealt with real consequences from her trauma such as DSM-5 accurate depression, chronic low self esteem, mistrust, trauma bonding, etc. Lastly, I can't tell if I loved or hated the way SJM tied up all the loose ends (excluding some intentional cliffhangers). On one hand, it was satisfying as a reader to not have found any glaring plot holes yet I can't shake the feeling that she was making it up as she went. Source: trust me bro

As for Feyre's flaws, I feel that other readers have already explored in those depth and I don't feel the need to keep beating a dead horse. Same goes for Tamlin--I didn't find him all that interesting or charming even when Feyre was falling for him, so my already subpar opinion of him got worse and worse and will likely continue to do so as I continue reading the second book. He is so incredibly immature I can hardly stand it. Don't even get me started on how he always wants to fuck and thinks that suffices as an expression of love and care for Feyre. Even if that's technically not how it is, that is definitely how it read. To be clear, I'm pretty sure readers aren't meant to adore Tamlin; my issue is that Feyre goes through hell for someone so mid and we as readers are supposed to think her love and devotion are justified.

Now, let's get back to some hardcore griping! Amarantha's villain origin story makes sense until you actually meet her. Interacting with her felt like interacting with a cartoon villain from a shitty kids show. She was terrifyingly sadistic yet the justification for it was too weak to uphold her sadism. She felt like evil personified rather than a fleshed out person suffering the human condition (I know she's not human but you know what I mean). Good villains don't have to be redeemable, but they do have to be somewhat believable. These fae are all centuries old and have been through so much but somehow lack the emotional maturity I gained at the ripe age of seventeen?! I too have been a woman scorned enough to do make some interesting choices but jesus christ, Amarantha, it's really not that deep. Maybe it's the trauma that makes them like that, because I certainly have not endured what they have, nor have I ever held the amount of power they wield and I will never be able to fully comprehend what that does to a person. So who am I to talk. Anyways, I could ramble endlessly about Amarantha's shortcomings as a character but I think I've touched on her most glaring offenses.

Ugh. Now I'm gonna acknowledge that damn riddle and Tamlin's heart of stone concept that was executed so, so...let's just say, uniquely. When I read Amarantha's riddle, I came up with an answer so quickly that I was certain was it was incorrect. My personal belief system is centered around love (obviously not just the romantic kind) so I thought maybe I was biased since I try to see love in everything, not to mention the answer I had come up with seemed way too on the nose, given Feyre's circumstances and how much of the plot was driven by romance/love/attachment. But to my surprise and simultaneous disappointment, the answer to the riddle was love. I feel like even Feyre should've got that because of her Amarantha-enforced circumstances. And as for Tamlin's heart of stone--that Feyre figured out surprisingly easily even though she couldn't figure out that obvious riddle--it certainly wasn't something I was predicting, and the concept of it felt a little...elementary? Not because it was predictable or anything, but because of how squarely SJM looked that heart of stone metaphor in the face and decided to... well... do that....

I'm just glad she made Feyre grapple with her decision to kill the two innocents and let it haunt her afterwards, especially when her motives are called into question. She loves Tamlin (somehow. but maybe I'm just a manhater) which is what drives her to do what she does and what puts her in direct conflict with Amarantha but I'm just glad SJM bothered to create circumstances that let Feyre's selfishness (I'm not saying I would or wouldn't have done the same thing in her circumstance) also happen to benefit the entire kingdom-world thing. Basically I feel fundamentally estranged from Feyre because I see the value of all people and would like to think I'd do the right thing based on love and respect for all living things rather than for a whiny man child. I feel like I'm getting sidetracked somehow.

TW: SA

I'm hesitant to even talk about Rhysand because I'm not sure I fully understand him as a character yet. However, I love him as a character so far even if I don't love him/his personality that much. He felt developed in ways other characters didn't, similar to Lucien but I actually liked Lucien's personality from the start, even when he pisses me off sometimes. But on the topic of Rhysand, I was uncomfortable with how SJM wrote about SA in general. As a woman, I'm certainly not unfamiliar with the topic and have had my own share of experiences, although I will honestly admit that I haven't had any big T trauma in that area of my own life so this may not be my place to discuss this. That may also be why I can't quite put my finger on what about the way SJM wrote about SA bothered me. All I know is that something about it rubbed me the wrong way, almost as if it bordered on disrespect. But again, I'm not entirely sure.

In conclusion, my best friend just texted me not five seconds ago: "I think you just have a hard time comprehending that people write fun little fantasy stories simply because maybe they just like writing fun little fantasy stories". And she would be correct. I am too pretentious to truly love and appreciate this series the way it was meant to be. I've always felt the need to look deeper in anything that I enjoy, I've always felt the need to connect personally with each work of art I choose to dedicate my time to. I am first and foremost a Supernatural fan if that tells you anything, and even my love for Twilight grew from a specific, deep personal connection I had the concept and characters. I have just driven myself mad trying to figure out why this book was written, why I as a reader should care, and what exactly fueled SJM with so much passion that she felt the need to write an entire series (which is why I'm suspecting she wrote it as a self indulgent piece; that's the only logical explanation I can come up with, anyway). ACOTAR was not written for me and that is okay. It doesn't help that I tend to avoid fantasy as a genre anyways. Yet, I'm going to keep reading it. Because I still managed to have a good time with the story and characters, and of course, I'm going to thug it out no matter what because I love my best friend. Lastly, one thing SJM did a good job with was, in spite of it all, making me curious enough about what happens next to genuinely want to read the next book.

edit: it’s been a few days and ive gotten further into the second book. sjm really got her act together, that’s for sure. im beginning to understand why people obsess over this series. it’s a shame the first book is such a dumpster fire but im glad the story is redeemed in the rest of series (fingers crossed); the characters and world building had so much potential and im extremely happy to see sjm giving them the writing they deserve in the second book. with this new perspective i also realized that acotar was so genuinely awful that it literally made it impossible for me wrap my head around why she wrote it. thank god she get her shit together so that i can finally see the beauty of the series

[palomahasenteredthechat]

Same anon that sent the long post and I have another one I'm sorry. Thank you for answering. I'm glad I explained myself okay, I was worried I was just going to sound entitled and rude. I just wanted to say that I was going to mention the Off Menu podcast but I decided to keep it Eddie related since that was my ultimate point and to mention it would require more explaining. Hence this long message. Basically yes I am one of those people that felt that way and I kept that to myself because everyone loved it. I don't want to ignite anything here about it because over time I have seen people mention this since it happened, but it was the picky eater comment for me. I know the internet tends to have this mindset lately that everything everyone says, is said with the worst possible intension. Like you say you like cats you must HATE dogs and you're being cancelled now for it. So I tried not to read into it, I really did. But he brought it up again in another interview after and then another just recently and to me that was him doubling down on his stance so I think it's fair for me to say he has thought about what he said and still agrees with it. Let's be real for a sec, I'm a picky eater. So of course this looks like I'm just butthurt and taking it personally. But I'm autistic. I can't help it. I have a brother that has it worse than me, he SUFFERS with ARFID. Yes, I know that Joseph probably wasn't including people like me or him in his statement. He doesn't need to preference everything he says with "obviously I'm not talking about people with disabilities, eating disorders etc" because he didn't indicate any disdain for those kinds of people specifically and no one should immediately be taking what he said in a negative light like that and assuming he's an asshole. However, again my own personal views, thoughts and feelings. People like myself subconsciously think before I speak "If I say this, could it offend or hurt anyone? Will it perpetuate and or make worse an already existing issue?" Of course everyone has moments where they don't realize what they're saying could be harmful. But, idk. Let me just paste the exact quote from the transcript here and see what we think about it: Joe Quinn Eat it, it's delicious, do you know what I mean? Or, 'Oh, I don't like fish.' But, it's clearly something psychological that they just need to-, get over it, eat it, it's good. Joseph. Some people DO have psychological issues with food. For myself it's certain textures. But to think that I had not just considered or tried to "get over it" is at the very least tone-deaf and at the worst, straight up ableist. 🤷‍♀️ I tried to rationalize it in my mind as him just venting, talking out his ass, whatever. But ultimately it made me realize that he is very privileged to be healthy and what he probably considers "normal" and I don't see him actually understanding that fact. Especially when he doubles down on it years later. He gives me "telling someone suffering with depression to get over it and smile more" vibes. It came off as pretentious, uninformed and to be honest just plain rude. I will also add that taking disabilities out of the equation he still failed to consider social classes, wealth and food availability. Would he tell an adult that grew up without access to fresh vegetables to just get over it and eat them because it annoys him that they won't? I don't claim to know. But my gut says yes.

I think it started off as his sense of humor, and maybe it was an in-joke with his friends, but as was discussed earlier, he seems to be 'leaning in' to the persona more.

The cilantro thing - 'I don't believe those people'; well then you don't have the gene that makes it taste like dish soap.

I have experience with food allergies, and I always take food preferences seriously, because unfortunately for some folks it's life and death.

[clairelsonao3]

5 Comfort Films

Thanks for the tag, @mysticstarlightduck, whose post is here!

Seems like everyone's doing this one today, and since I seem to be doing very little today except comforting myself after an extremely stressful day yesterday, I might as well go for it. (And maybe then I'll watch them all!)

(By the way, I'm well aware that the newest film on this list came out in 1991, and I make no apologies for that.)

Criteria: Like any top-5 style list, I had to come up with my own very specific criteria, because I'm an obnoxious, pretentious nerd. That means trying my best to include different categories -- I could easily name 5 musicals or 5 Disney movies, but I won't. So it's one musical, one Disney, one romcom, one dramedy, one straight-up farce, etc. Second of all, Christmas movies could be a category all on their own, so those are all disqualified (check back in December). Fourth, no sad endings (sorry Titanic, Moulin Rouge, and Casablanca.) Fifth, I cheated by naming a runner-up for each one that falls into the same category. Sixth... I'll shut up now. Here's the list.

The Sound of Music (1965) -- Honestly, just about any musical could probably find a spot on my comfort list, but it begins and ends with this one. Slow-burn romance, breathtaking cinematography, and arguably Rodgers and Hammerstein's greatest score make 3 hours go by like that. Even when the Nazis come on the scene you're never seriously worried anything bad will happen. Runner-up: Gigi (1958).

2. Mary Poppins (1964) -- Yes, Julie Andrews again. She herself could be a walking, singing comfort movie. There are a million Disney animated flicks that could make the comfort list, but by mixing animation and live action to perfection, this is automatically the best of both worlds. Even hearing Dick van Dyke's horrendous Cockney accent is like wrapping up in a warm blanket. Runner up: Beauty and the Beast (1991).

3. Pretty Woman (1990) -- I was probably well into my 20s before I realized, hey this isn't just a movie I watch every time it comes on TV for no reason. I actually LIKE it. It's one of those movies. The lightest, fluffiest movie about sex work ever made. A self-acknowledged Cinderella story. Runner-up: Just Like Heaven (2005).

4. The Breakfast Club (1985) -- Even though Ferris Bueller is also great and obviously the more conventional choice for a John Hughes comfort flick, I'm going to go with this one. Yes, it's a bit darker, but it's also funny as fuck, which is kind of my thing, it involves forbidden romance, which, duh, and also has a surprisingly hopeful and upbeat ending. Runner-up: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986).

5. Spaceballs (1987) -- I thought way too hard about which film should get the last spot on the list. If the musicals are rainy-afternoon-watch-with-your-mom-in-the-living-room kind of movies, this is a late-night-premium-cable-parents not-home-watch-with-your-brother-in-the-basement-and-laugh-your-ass-off kind of movie. Every time I lampshade myself in something I write (and I do that a lot) it's a nod to Mel Brooks and the classic satirical style of comedy he perfected. Runner-up: Star Wars Original Trilogy (1977 et al.) (I know, not the same genre, but it's the source material, so whatever).

Hmmm... I'll gently tag @starlit-hopes-and-dreams and OPEN TAG because I'm seeing everybody get tagged in this and I can't keep them all straight.

[sugarlesswriting]

Thanks for tagging me @the-type-a :)

🖌 - Do you have/want any tattoos? 

No tattoos and even though I think they’re pretty I would never get one, I’m to much of a baby when it comes to pain lol

💚 - What’s your favourite colour?

Pink or anything pastel

🍕 - What’s the last thing you ate?

Spaghetti and crab meat, we out to eat with friends and since it was pay day I decided to treat myself.

🕰 - What time is it where you are rn?

9:21 pm, ready for bed so tired

🌟 - What is your zodiac sign?

Scorpio

🌍 - What is your favourite accent?

I never really thought about it, I mean Irish and Scottish is pretty hot I guess

⚡️ - Do you have any scars?

Yes, two are from surgery on my foot and on my back. I have a scar on my hand that I don’t know how I got it. And a long scar on my arm and a small one on my upper lip from my cat using my body as a baseboard to jump in the window (thanks Huntress)

🌺 - What’s your MBTI type?

INFP

🥀 - Favourite animated movie?

I’m listing my top 5 in no particular order, Balto, An American Tail, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Coco and Cinderella

📺 - Favourite show?

I have several: Psych, The Venture Bros., Community, Modern Family, Happy Endings, and King of the Hill, probs more but these are just my current rotations of shows at the moment lol.

😂 - Are you ticklish?

No

💍 - Do you ever want to get married?

Yes, but I just need to find the poor soul that can deal with my annoying ass  🤪

😳 - Do you like your name?

Yes

💙 - What colour is your bedroom?

Grey

🤓 - How did you get your name?

My dad promised his dying friend to name his son after him but got me instead lol.

🎓 - When did/do you graduate?

Was in school a bit longer than I needed to be so I graduated in 2020, didn’t have a graduation, but I wouldn’t have gone anyways - too boring lol. Got to keep my cap and gown though!

🍄 - Do you have/want any piercings?

Got my ears pierced when I was 11, but the holes covered up because I never wore earrings once I got to high school. Now I want to get them repierced.

👀 - What colour are your eyes?

If I was pretentious or a main character in a YA novel I’d say icy blue

👱🏻‍♀️ - What is your go to hairstyle?

Keep it down, besides I can’t do anything with it because the humidity is where good hairstyles go to die.

🥂 - Have you ever drank underage?

Yes? I mean a few times but never enough to get drunk like a shot here and there.

🍾 - Have you ever gotten drunk?

Yes. I never drink but one time, like 6 months after we turned 21, Hannah and I went to a friends place for a small party and I got drunk on this vodka lemonade our friends then boyfriend now husband made. I started to finish off other’s drinks that didn’t want them and I got a little sloppy lol. Her boyfriend asked if I was okay and I just said, ‘I’m good, I know what’s going on around me.’ To which he went to go find Hannah because I couldn’t stand up. The other time was this year at a friend's Christmas party and I got a little tipsy and that’s when I found out that I talk in third person. ‘Carley’s a little tipsy teehee.’ ‘ Carley’s hungry.’ Again a mess lol.

😱 - What’s your biggest fear?

I got two, one’s heights, can’t even watch a movie that deals with heights I get dizzy. Second is the dark, my anxiety plays with my mind too much lol.

🥵 - Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

Too cold, I live in the South so it’s always hot as balls here so of course I’d want to be cold. It’s not like I can take off my skin!

🌦 - What’s your favourite weather?

Cloudy and chilly. We only get like three weeks of that weather though.

🍂 - What’s your favourite season?

Aesthetically? Fall. Temperature? Winter. 

🐷 - What’s your favourite animal?

Arctic Fox, they’re just so cute 🥺

🐶 - Do you have any pets?

Yes, the little boobie Huntress

😴 - What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Like 20 hours I think? But I like to sleep so it rarely happens.

🎨 - Any hobbies?

I like to write, cook and bake. Cooking and baking calms me lol. Also collecting clocks and old cookbooks. 

🛩 - If travelling was free, where’s the first place you’d go?

Probably Ireland or Scotland, I want to visit their historical sites

🎇 - What’s your most searched thing on Google?

Probably youtube because I have several tabs open, one for songs for this book, one for songs for that book, and funny videos.

📱 - Favourite app on your phone?

Reddit, sorry Tumblr girlies but Momma likes to read HobbyDrama and her other niche interests.

🤠 - Are you more of a city person or a country person?

I’mma cheat and say Suburbia. Cities too loud but the country is too quiet. See, someone from the city would say that where I live is country to them but you don’t know what country is until you get out of cell service and the only source of entertainment is going from Sonic to the Dairy Queen and there’s a Walmart 45 minutes away. 😂

[hazelcephalopod]

Today I’m going to tell you a story, a DnD story, about a character from some Faerun dnd books! A story of hubris, tragedy, but because it’s dnd also of the ultimate success. It’s the tale of how one man’s attempts to make an audio recording caused him to be erased from history, thrown into super jail, and eventually ascending to godhood. This is the story of Finder Wyvenspur, the most pretentious ridiculous bard to ever bard (yes as far as I can tell that is his given name).

Spoiler- this is pretty long.

So Finder, the bard from a noble bard family was a pretty good musician. So good that other bards and musician wanted to copy his music. Which he fucking hated, because everyone else wasn’t as good as him and that made him and his music look bad. So he decided to ensure everyone could hear his music how he wanted it to be heard. So began his journey to find a way to record his music, forever! Which everyone thought was a terrible idea, because apparently doing so with any known or possible magical means “could be dangerous” -presumably because the gods hate recorded music, idk.

But Finder would not be dissuaded by anything as silly as what some fucking nerd wizard said “was dangerous”. No! So he went and found a magic rock, the Finder’s Stone. And he used to it to record everything, all his songs, his ideas, his thoughts. Just would not stop recording stuff. But then he realized “actually this sucks. It doesn’t record things good enough. I need to find another way to record my music properly. I know! I’ll clone myself!” But he did keep the rock cuz it was still something, bht he could do better!

So he went to his lab, because he had an arcane lab as a rich noble bard with weird hobbies does, and made himself a clone and called him “Flattery Wyvenspur” -as he’s an egotistical jerk. Unfortunately Flattery was a new being, like a child, and imperfect as people (and especially children) are. Regrettably Finder, the asshole? was dissatisfied with his abilities. So… er, he tried to make Flattery learn better with corporeal punishment (aka abuse) which of course did not work. What it did do is turn Flattery, who while experiencing the world with the freshness of a child did have Finders mementoes and abilities, against Finder. And here’s the thing, just stay with me it’s not great but there will be some catharsis and justice for poor Flattery but it was as they say, a different time. So, back to the story, Flattery turns against Finder and tries to kill him and becomes evil. And also kills/injures some folks in the process. And then he stole all Finders stuff and escaped. Finder claims to everyone that his assistants and Flattery were killed/injured in an explosion, because he doesn’t want everyone to learn the terrible truth and have his reputation ruined. He forgot that people talk -and/or have divination and/or know gods.

Now, a bunch of the powerful people and wizards -including Elminster one of the if not the greatest wizards in Faerun and I can say things about Elminster but that’s not what this is about- learned about this and are like “WTF Finder, what the hell are you doing dude? Not cool.” So they put him on trial. These people -called the Harpers btw, just a little extra bit of info for y’all- find him guilty of many terrible crimes. Of these “terrible crimes” is specifically “his obsessive and fatal attempts to preserve his music, forever” (ok I added the forever bit). So they erase him and all his work from history and imprisoned him in a different plane of existence for good measure. Because fuck’im.

And so there he rotted for centuries. Until the evil wizard-ress, Cassana freed him and convinced him to join her and her evil allies to help them do evil. Together they all made an ageless clone of Cassana, Alias. They intending for Alias to be a mindless construct they could control -or possibly download Finder in, unclear on that bit- but instead accidentally made a whole ass new person (Maybe we’ll talk about her more another time, idk). And Finder was like “oh this is fucked, but also I love my new daughter and must protect her”. So he convinced one of his allies, a dinosaur-humanoid Paladin, to carry her to safety. Which pissed off Cassana, and she threw him in a prison cell enchanted to cause his mind to not work, in her dungeon. Her evil dungeon! Meanwhile Flattery died trying to steal a Wyvenspur heirloom. Anyway!

Eventually Finder was free! But the Harpers found out he was back and some shit had gone down and were like “wtf how did you get back and what are you doing?” And they put him on trial but were like “eh, you’re on parole? Don’t do that shit again.” (I think in this order). So he went off and had some adventures. Eventually he got wrapped up in this whole thing with the god of rot, who had been one of Cassan’s allies -I don’t recall what happened to her tho. He had to free some dinosaur people and his magic daughter, Alias, and just all sorts of adventure and trials. This all culminated in him fighting the god of rot and in that moment he looked back his life, and what a dick he’d been. He had that magic recording rock, and it was ultimately his most successful recording of himself and his accomplishments. It was also a powerful magical artifact even before his ownership and facing down the god of rot he decided to finally be a decent and selfless guy, so he sacrificed it and in doing so killed that god of rot and took his divine essence. And then, he became a hero and a demigod. Even the Harpers pardoned him, and I know you’re thinking “I mean he did become a god who wants that as an enemy.” But honestly lots of people in Faerun are like “Fuck that/those god/s” without a single fuck to give -not all but plenty. Gods have a lot to do, and somewhat limited time, and Edina people have other gods on their side so it can be a whole thing. But Finder was a pretty decent gif as gods go so it was alright. Also the god of rot sucked real hard.

So, that’s how the fucking self-observed bard Finder Wyvenspur learned to be a better person and got rewarded with being a Demi-god -which honestly the line between god and Demi-god is barely there so he gets the main benefits of god good like immortality, immense power, and mortal worshippers. Also technically he did earn it himself. Idk what the moral is but I do wonder, “is Faerun now more or less against recording devices?”

[therealvinelle]

I agree that Aro definitely is not straight, but if he is gay and not bi, why window shop for a wife? If he wanted a partner for some reason, why not find a male one? It was a different era, yes, but are vampires really homophobic?

So, for this meta, we’ll have to get historical. Before we do, keep in mind that while I know Ancient Greece better than most, having studied it (introductory level classes only, mind), I don’t know it well enough to be any kind of authority on the matter. History, more than any other discipline I can think of, is not respected as an academic field, and people with poor to no understanding of historical hermeneutics will make very bold assumptions that they then have too poor understanding of history to realize are bullshit. This is a disclaimer because I don’t want to join in on the chorus of authoritative-sounding people on the internet with no verifiable credentials who spout things about history that are then taken to be gospel truth by readers because the author made it sound good.

More, I say this because your question is asking me to explain the morality and social norms surrounding a character from 14th century BC Greece. And this man would not, for the record have been Ancient Greek, he would have been Mycenaean Greek. Very quick history lesson: Mycenaean Greece was a flourishing society that suffered a downfall, Greek civilization fell into its very own dark ages, until around 800 BC when Greeks began forming what would become the Ancient Greece we know and love. This in turn means that I can’t very well read up on the marital and sexual norms of Ancient Greece when I’m researching for Aro, because he was five hundred years old already when Ancient Greece became a thing.

And your question concerns cultural history. And for that we’re going to have to look at how we know the things we know about history. How history is studied.

Historians have two kinds of sources: archeological findings and written records. (I’m aware that oral tradition, like the one carried by the Aborigine people, isn’t technically one of these, but to my understanding it’ll be treated to similar analysis as written records, which leaves us with the two types of sources standing strong.) These sources are analyzed, and we apply various theories and models onto them to make sense of the context they were written in. The more sources we have, the more we can refine or eliminate these theories or models.

More, history is an ever evolving field. There are movements and schools of thought that influence how history is written (marxism in history, that is, history as a class struggle, was heavy in the 60′s and I think until the 80′s), which means that how a certain culture will be perceived today is not the way it was perceived a few decades ago, nor will it be perceived the same way a few decades in the future.

You see why I am daunted by you asking me to give you an answer about sexual and marital norms for a guy who lived 3000 years ago, and I hope you’ll understand why I feel this word vomit is necessary.

Now, the danger with Mycenaean Greece is that it’s a society it’s easy to feel we know a lot about, because it was the precursor to Ancient Greece, and we know a lot about the latter. But, first of, the reason why we know as much as we do about the Ancient Greeks is the Romans. The Greeks wrote about their history, their philosophy, their government, and they wrote plays and told stories. However, that was two thousand years ago and their writings would have been lost to the sands of time if the Romans hadn’t idolized and sought to emulate their society. This meant preserving their written records. This tradition was carried on by the Christians, in part because Hellenistic philosophy was incorporated into Christian philosophy. We have neo-platonism to thank for Christian asceticism, the “mind over matter” cornerstone.

What I’m getting at with all of this is that we know the insane amount about Ancient Greece that we do because of some very unique circumstances, and so we can make very sophisticated theories about what the Hellenistic world was like. It’s still detective work, but not Pepe Silvia type of detective work. This is not the case for Mycenaean Greece. We know a comparative lot about Mycenaean Greece, considering how long ago it was, but there is very much we don’t know.

With Mycenaean Greece, we are dealing with a lot more uncertainty. We haven’t deciphered one of their two writing styles, and a lot of the text we do have is very fragmentary. Coming up with detailed societal models for Mycenaean Greece, and for the 14th century BC specifically, is... well I don’t know enough about what this society left behind to know what historians have to work with, but I imagine they have their work cut out.

More, I haven’t studied this at all, which means that any attempt on my end to research this would be stumbling around in the dark.

One example: the Illiad and the Odyssey, while composed around the 8th century BC, were set in the early 12th century BC, which is nearly Aro’s time period. The Illiad depicts a homoerotic relationship between Patroclus and Achilles, and both works depict a lot of matrimonies, so I wish I could use it as a source. However, not only would this time gap alone make these sources questionable, but there’s also the matter of the Illiad and the Odyssey being transmitted orally, from bard to bard. Changes were made over the years. For example, the technology described in the Illiad is from several eras, as the warriors will be using bronze weaponry in one book and then switch to iron in the next. This game of telephone is what happens when a story is transmitted orally from person to person. So, while it’s tempting to use these works as a sort of reference point, the possibility, likelihood even, that the bards made adjustments to keep the old story entertaining for their contemporary audience is strong.

For this reason, I can’t give you any kind of historically correct analysis on what the marital or sexual mores would have been like in Aro’s time. Even if the knowledge is out there, I don’t have it.

But I can say this, spouses have for the longest time been partners. Men and women got married, even in the gay, gay, Ancient Greece, not just to have children but because they complemented each other, they were partners. Men needs wives, and women needs husbands. And a partner was canonically exactly what Aro was looking for, feelings had nothing to do with it:

After Caius and Marcus had found their romantic attachments, Aro decided to find his own, although rather than finding his other half in another vampire Aro decided to create his own instead. Aro had a certain type of woman in mind and he found what he was looking for in Sulpicia. He successfully courted her and she came to fall in love with him.

As for vampires being homophobic, I think that is for another post about what culture they bring with them into their new life. But to be brief I’ll say that while the individual vampire can be homophobic, there can be no homophobia at an institutional level because vampires have no institutions. And it’s the institutional homophobia that gets ya. It’s what the whole fight for gay rights has been about: secure legislation against discrimination and that protects gay people. (The right to marry and protection from employees firing LGBT employees comes to mind as examples of this.)

So, no one could force Aro to marry a woman. 

And I’d go into a rant here about how the prospect of gay marriage, of even identifying as homosexual (the labels homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual are very new and, to my recollection, were born off of the Western psychiatric discipline as men who slept with other men were diagnosed with homosexuality. I imagine a man from the Antiquity would be confused at the notion that just because he likes to sleep with dudes he shouldn’t get married to a woman), was unthinkable up until very recently, but I just made this obscenely long rant about how I can’t really make these kinds of guesses, so I’m not gonna.

I think being married to a woman and then banging hot dudes who came along suited Aro just fine.

Also, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but - I’m going to encourage history asks. Because this fandom has a bit of a history problem, as a lot of the characters are from different time periods and many feel unsatisfied with the way Meyer handled that. I am by no means a historian, but I know several of the historical periods the characters of Twilight are from well enough to make educated guesses.

So, hit me with your worst.

[unwantedtomost]

the night before — sebastian stan

sebastian stan x fem!reader

word count: 2,644 words

summary: you were invited to your ex’s wedding and despite all logical reasoning, you decided to go. now it’s the night before the wedding and you’re in the same night club with your ex. time to make some more mistakes.

warnings: angst, crying, cheating, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex.

a/n: i am going to make a part two because i want to explore this more. also, thank you so much for almost 500 notes on my first one shot! enjoy :)

The love of your life was getting married and it wasn’t to you. When you heard the news, you laughed out loud, a bit too loud for being in a quaint cafe. You thought that the girl Sebastian was dating was going to be nothing more than a rebound from you, even when you heard the news that they were engaged, you thought that it wasn’t serious. But now it’s the day before their wedding and you’re pretty sure she’s not a rebound anymore.

You wish you didn’t know what day the wedding was, but you did because you were invited. Sebastian invited you. What kind of asshole would do something like that? You know he saw it as taking the high road, being a bigger person, but it just came off as a pretentious douche bag move to show that he could be happy too. Without you. And how did this get past his fiance, Lauren? Did she want you to come?

You planned on not attending because why the fuck would you want to go? But then your friend, Emerson, talked you into it. “It’s in Hawaii,” “It’ll show him that you can still be friends,” “Rub it in their faces that you don’t care anymore.” They were all very shitty reasonings but you were drunk when you RSVP’d and even drunker when you booked the plane ticket. You had been drinking a lot in the weeks leading up to the wedding, it was the only thing that made all the nerves go away. You promised yourself that you would stop drinking so much after they were married and you intended on keeping that promise.

You had been trying your best to stay as far away from Sebastian as possible in the three-day period leading up to the wedding. It had been working well so far, until tonight. You and Emerson decided to go to a nightclub away from the resort you were staying at because you heard that that’s where the bachelor party was being held. Much to your surprise, that was false information. Now you’re starring at Sebastian from across the room with eyes wide and a jaw down to the floor.

“I thought you said they were gonna be at the resort!” You yelled at Emerson over the loud music.

“That’s what the bridesmaids told me,” she defended. “But it doesn’t even matter, we came out to have a good night. Fuck him! You can be nice tomorrow.”

You quickly started to regret every single one of your decisions you had made in the past three months. Accepting the invitation, booking the plane ticket, and leaving your hotel room tonight. You knew you shouldn’t be here but you were and you hated it.

“This was a mistake. I’m booking a plane ticket and I’m going back home. Tonight.”

“What?! You can’t do that.”

“The hell I can’t.” You grabbed your phone from your purse only to get it grabbed from your hand and shoved into Emerson’s pocket. “What the hell!”

“You’re not just going to leave.”

“Why not?”

“It’s been two years, y/n. You have been telling me that you’re finally over him for a year, that’s why we’re even here, right? Because you’re over him?”

You took in a shaky breath. No, you weren’t over him. You knew you should be, but you weren’t. You thought seeing him say “I do” would force you into moving on, finally letting him go. Now, you wanted to slap yourself for being so stupid.

“Yes,” you lie despite yourself.

“Good, so let’s go get you a drink and a hot piece of ass! And in the morning we’re going to watch as he gets married and you’re going to finally let go of him, okay?”

“Okay,” you nod.

You had to get over him, it had been two years. This was the way to do it. You would force yourself to let him go and be happy. That would make you happy … right?

You and Emerson walked to the bar, ordering shot after shot until you were dizzy. Then you ordered a long island ice tea which you did not need. After you basically chugged the drink, you made your way to the dance floor.

You changed from grinding on Emerson to random individuals and you couldn’t have cared less. Everything about tomorrow and moving on left your mind completely. Right now you were living in the moment, something you were always working to do. You could tell that the individual dancing behind you hadn’t switched for four songs, so you decided to turn around. You were hoping for it to be someone cute and nice. Someone to take you somewhere and fuck the worries away. Instead, it was Sebastian.

Your smile faded and so did his. You went still, your eyes trained on his. It felt weird to be the only people in the crowd not moving. You had lost all sense of anything, you didn’t know if you stood like that for seconds or for hours.

Something in your jumbled thoughts forced you to speak. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he yelled back. His face was unreadable at that moment, you blamed it on the alcohol but you weren’t sure if you could have deciphered what it meant even if you were sober. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, a few months, I think.” You were sure, it had been four months prior, right before you heard about the engagement. You ran into each other at a red carpet event and you tried your best to act normal.

“Do you … uh—do you want to go get a drink?”

You stood still again, silent. Your brain needed a minute to process the request. You definitely did not need another drink. “Sure.”

You followed behind Sebastian to the bar, a trip you had made with Emerson no less than an hour ago. He ordered himself a Screwdriver and you a Sex on the Beach, your favorite. You had both sucked down half of your drinks before either of you spoke.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Fine, I guess,” you replied. “How are you?”

“Good, good, really good.”

“That’s good.”

It went quiet again and even though the music all around you was blaring, it sounded only like white noise at this point. A thought came into your mind “tell him how you feel.” In a sober state, you would have shut down the thought immediately, but now it played on a loop. The chant continued to play in your head as you finished the last of your drink. You felt the tension in your body rise from your feet to the pit of your stomach, up past your throat, and to your head, making you dizzy.

“Can I tell you something?” You blurted out.

“Sure.”

“It’s loud in here.”

Sebastian chuckled, almost in relief. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“No,” you said, too unaware to get how cringe-worthy you were being. “Can we go somewhere, uh, quieter?”

He nodded and you took his hand and went to go find a secluded location. You weren’t going to be that asshole who jammed the bathroom door shut. Also, you were pretty sure you’d get kicked out if you did that. It took a few minutes but you finally landed your sights on a room. The door was unlocked and you realized it was a coat closet, so you picked it as your location. You closed the door before turning back to Sebastian.

The music was quieter in here, it was muffled and far away. It smelled vaguely of cigarettes but you didn’t mind too much, it was dull.

“What did you want to tell me?” Sebastian asked, voice louder than it needed to be due to how unexpectedly quiet it was.

This was it, your one time to speak your mind. You might never get another situation like this ever again. You needed to let it all out.

“I don’t think I’m over you,” you confess. “And I really don’t know if I will ever be. I know it’s been two years and you’re getting married tomorrow, but I’m still not over you. I’ve been telling myself that when I see you at that alter tomorrow, everything is magically going to go away, but I don’t know if it will.”

“Why are you telling me this, y/n?”

“Because this is the one-shot I’m gonna get. You’re getting married tomorrow morning and you need to know this. Well, actually, you probably don’t, but I need to tell you. I need to let it out or otherwise, I think I might actually fucking explode.” You took a deep breath before the words started pouring out again. “When I heard you were engaged I laughed. It was funny that you were getting this poor girl’s hopes up when we all knew that you were just going to call it off. But you never did, and I was the only one laughing. I’m pretty sure that you were my person. And I think the only reason I accepted that we were done was because I didn’t think we were actually done. I thought you were gonna come back to me. I thought one day we would look back on this and laugh because it was so stupid.”

As you talked, your throat began to feel sore, your eyes stung from the tears forcing their way down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry about everything. I should have fought for us when we had the chance and I should give up right now and—”

Sebastian cut you off by cupping your face and wiping the tears away. “Hey, hey, hey,” he cooed softly, pulling you into him. You buried your face in his chest as he softly rubbed the back of your head. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

His sweet tone made you cry harder. You wished he would have been mean. You wish he told you to get over it and move on. But he was sweet and consoling you because that’s the type of guy he was. He was the girl who consoled his ex-girlfriend on the night before his wedding. That’s the kind of guy girls want to marry, that’s the kind of guy you should have married. At least if he was an asshole, it would have easier to move on. No one gets hung up on the asshole, they get hung up over the good guy.

You pulled away from him, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand.

“Do you still love me?”

“Y/n…” he sighed.

“Tell me you don’t. God, please tell me you don’t. Tell me that you moved on and that you love her. Could you tell me that? Tell me that you never think twice about me and that you only invited me to your wedding because you honestly think we can be just friends. I need you to tell me you still don’t care. If you tell me that, I’ll walk out the door right now and you don’t ever have to see me again. I’ll wish you good luck on your marriage and I’ll be gone. Can you just tell me that? I really need you to tell me that.”

You looked up to him with pleading, puppy dog eyes. You wanted him—you needed him to tell you that it was never going to happen. You needed closure to move on.

“I-I can’t,” he confessed. “Not honestly.”

You let out a breath you were holding before pulling him closer. You kissed him deeply and passionately, you needed him. He pulled you closer, melting into your mouth. This was it, this felt right. You didn’t think about the repercussions, you couldn’t. All you could think about was his mouth on yours, his hands on your skin.

He backed you up so your back was flat against the door. The hand that wasn’t pulling you closer by the hip locked the door. He hoisted you up, seemingly with no effort as you wrapped your legs around his waist. You made haste with his button-up as he started to push your dress up your thighs. You stayed like that for a while, tugging, kissing.

After a while, Sebastian put you down. This made you nervous, was he going to leave you here? Was the kiss just one dumb, hot mistake?

Instead of walking away, he knelt down in front of you. He grabbed your panties and pulled them down your legs. You looked down at him and let out a moan at the sight of him; lips read and raw from kissing, eyes blown out with lust. He hiked your right leg over his shoulder before looking up at you, asking you if you wanted him to continue. You nodded aggressively, letting out a few whines of anticipation.

He dived in, sending you into a state of euphoria. You pressed your head against the door as your hands tugged at his jet black hair. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, trying your best to keep in whatever moans he coaxed out of you. You felt you were nearing your high, but he pulled away before you could get there.

You let out a cry at the loss of contact. You tryed your best to pull him back to you, but he instead pushed your hands away, pinning your wrists against the door. He stood back up, form towering over your own.

“You’re so fuckin’ needy,” Sebastian stated, voice low and raspy. He undid his pants before hosting you up against the door again. He pumped his member before putting the tip at your entrance, teasing you. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, pulling him closer by his shoulders. “Please, fuckin’ need you.”

With that, he pushed in, both of you letting out loud wanton moans. You forgot what is was like to be with him. He was on the bigger end of the men you’d been with and he was by far the best. As he thrusted into you, you started to realize how much you missed him every sense of the word. You missed the way he would kiss you in the morning, you missed the way he said he loved you in the middle of a fight, and you missed the way he grunted in your ear when you would have sex.

You both held each other close as he continued to snap his hips against yours. One of his hands reached down to rub your clit, making you let out another moan. You knew you were close again and you wondered how you could finish so fast when you were with him.

“I’m so close,” you warned.

“I know baby,” he cooed. “Wanna watch you.”

You leaned your head back so you could now see each others faces. He admired how you looked all fucked out and needy. He loved how your eye brows knitted together when you were trying not to cum and he loved the way you bit your lip every time he stared into your eyes. And he loved you.

“I love you, y/n,” he accidentally said, thoughts slipping into words.

Your eyes went wide but you couldn’t help but smile. “Fuck, I love you too, Seb.”

The confession brought you closer to your high and before you knew it, you were clutching his shirt in your hands as your legs cleanched around his waist. You both moaned loudly as you came, holding each other as close as possible. You stayed against the door, holding onto him tightly for a while. Then he slipped out of you and set you back down on shaky legs.

“Did you mean it?” You asked after minutes of staring into his eyes.

He hesitated, “yes.”

“Now what are we gonna do?”

[merrybandofmurderers]

[id: banner reading Work in Progress Wednesday in white cursive font on a smudged turquoise, yellow, and gray background /end id]

that day of the week again! here's a future chapter from the pavellan fic~

As they trekked over the endless expense of sand dunes, Sera said, “Dorian? Those words you say. What do they mean?”

“What, you mean like ‘mendicant?’ ‘Ultimatum?’”

“No, arse,” she said, pointing an arrow at him. “When you're mad. Pish-anty cough-ass. You're swearing, I know it.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “Vishante kaffas. It's Tevene.”

“And it means what?”

Out of nowhere, Lavellan said, “Direct translation is ‘you shit on my tongue’.”

Sera laughed. “Why not just say that?”

Lavellan shrugged. “Vints like to be pretentious. No offense, Dorian.”

Dorian wiped the gob-smacked look from his face. “Well, you’re certainly not wrong, but how do you know that? The—the words, not the pretentiousness.”

“A member of our clan is from Tevinter, originally. She speaks it sometimes.”

Dorian considered that for a moment. Then he groaned, putting his hands over his face. “Maker, I really do know how to make an ass of myself in front of you.”

Lavellan laughed. “Good thing it’s such a nice ass. But yes, I wager I do know more about Tevinter than you initially thought.”

“And all this time, you’ve spoken Tevene. How did I not know this?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really care to speak it. And I’m hardly fluent. Just bits and pieces.”

“Let me ask the important question, then: how much of what I’ve said have you understood?”

Lavellan just smirked and did not answer, leaving Dorian to stew in his anxiety. Frantically, he tried to recall the times he’d spoken Tevene within Lavellan’s earshot. Mostly curses, yes, but also complaints and commentary to amuse himself when he thought his language safely oblique. There was no telling. Dammit.

“That’s something impressive, Inquisitor,” Blackwall remarked. “I knew about the Elvish and Antivan, but Tevene, too? Have you got any others?”

“Qunlat, yes?” Dorian said tiredly. Bull had begun teaching Lavellan Qunlat nearly as soon as they met, from what Dorian understood, and these days they spoke little else between the two of them.

“Well, I knew hardly any before the Inquisition, but Bull has been teaching me, yeah. And while my clan’s never gone as far as Rivain, we have a member originally from there, as well, and I’ve learned a bit of Rivaini from her.”

Lavellan spoke with Josephine frequently in Antivan, much to her delight. He’d picked it up when his clan had taken in an Antivan elf and enjoyed practicing with a native speaker. It shouldn’t surprise Dorian that Lavellan knew even more languages; he was an avid study of just about everything he encountered.

“Bet you know lots of swears then, yeah?” Sera piped up.

“Oh, certainly. The swears are the most important part of any language.”

“Hah!”

“No Orlesian?” Blackwall asked.

Lavellan grimaced spectacularly. “Ugh, no, absolutely not, I refuse. Having to know Tevene is already more than enough.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. A pity, though. Lavellan’s voice sounded good speaking any language, and he’d missed having conversations in his native tongue. Krem didn’t hold as much fondness for their shared language as he did and was little good in that regard.

They trekked on, Sera and Blackwall falling into conversation about a woman who’d made eyes at him in a village they’d passed through on their way to the Approach. Lavellan hummed, sauntering more surely over the dunes than his companions.

As usual, Dorian’s eyes were drawn to him. He thought of all the times Lavellan had spoken to him in Elvish. It chafed Dorian to know how much of his language Lavellan had understood, while Dorian remained ignorant of Lavellan’s.

Perhaps Dorian could pursue some edification of his own.

tagging @mrs-theirin, @gaysolavellan, @midnightprelude, @cciarants

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don���t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

[quidfree]

prompts,.,, fem tdbk and a date gone very wrong ? ❤️

ohhhh my god anon. pump this shit directly into my veins i love this whole premise let’s go. also all inspired by whatever the fuck horikoshi was doing in this 

just so everyone is on the same page here, it is not a fucking date.

it’s lunch. a singular lunch. people do that shit all the time. even katsuki does lunch, sometimes. she went to that semi-shitty diner place with kirishima that one time when the food hall was shut because some dumbass first year exploded into goo or whatever. and todoroki does lunch, too- her and deku were on some shitty lunch date like a week ago, as evidenced by deku’s even shittier selfie of them having a grand old time doing whatever the fuck they do alone.

fuck, not a shitty lunch date. a shitty lunch. whatever.

the point is lunch is a normal non-date thing people do, and the fact katsuki and todoroki are maybe not the usual suspects for it is just circumstantial. it’s not like they planned it ahead of time, or made some big thing about it. they literally arranged for it in public, so obviously todoroki didn’t think there was anything weird about it. and there isn’t! they’re both going to be in tokyo on the same day, and todoroki’s always happy for any excuse to spend less time with her old man, and katsuki sure as fuck wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to avoid her hag of a birth-giver for a few blissful hours, so when todoroki had very nonchalantly gone ‘oh, bakugou, we could do lunch then”, it wasn’t like she had any real reason to tell her to go fuck herself. like, yeah, maybe a year ago, on principle, she would have, but even katsuki can only take so much trauma-bonding before she resigns herself to the reality that she’s stuck with half ‘n half for life, one way or another, and she may as well suck it up and approach civility because said moron is determined to ignore her open malice until she plays along anyways. they’re... you know, whatever. friends. or something. jesus.

the point being that it’s not a date, and the fact that she’s getting increasingly annoyed at her limited wardrobe is just because she would have packed more shit if the crone hadn’t insisted that they ‘pack light’ so they could get cheaper train tickets for less luggage. it’s just annoying that she can’t wear anything that’s not screaming holiday.

it occurs to her as she sits and scowls at her suitcase that her mother has been watching her from the doorframe for some undetermined amount of time, which is criminal mainly because she’s a goddamn hero-to-be and getting snuck up on by anyone is a blight upon her good name. she tries to disguise the ego damage dealt by glowering murderously in her progenitor’s direction.

“what the fuck do you want?”

“you know,” the she-devil says, cocking a hip, “if you want to borrow something nicer...”

“i wouldn’t be caught dead in your shitty clothes!” katsuki snarls, which prompts the witch to immediately scowl back.

“watch your damn mouth!”

“watch your waistline! no way in hell are we the same size!”

“why you little-”

the interruption at least reminds her that she is obsessing over her clothes ahead of meeting todoroki for lunch, which is so humiliating it kickstarts her brain again long enough to grab some normal shit and get the hell out of there.

on the walk she checks her phone again. the previous day she’d had to bite the bullet and make the first move, todoroki’s infamously terrible communication skills making themselves known once more, and their ensuing conversation had been so mortifying she’d nearly cancelled all-together.

to: Half ‘n half

Yo asshole are we still meeting tomorrow or what

I’m busy as shit

from: Half ‘n half

Yes. TS

to: Half ‘n half

What the fuck is TS

from: Half ‘n half

I was signing off.

to: Half ‘n half

SIGNING OFF ON YOUR OWN TEXT

YOU THINK I DONT KNOW YOUR DAMN NAME

from: Half ‘n half

[Pin attached]

Does here at 12.30 work for you?

to: Half ‘n half

Yeah whatever

Don’t be late

And don’t think I’m forgetting the fucking signing off thing

from: Half ‘n half

Glad you can make time for mockery in your busy as shit schedule.

the venue looks like some rich person shit, which she semi-expected, but it means a lot of people give her weird looks as she makes her way inside, probably on account of the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing if not her general vibe. some old woman actually drags her purse to her, which makes katsuki sorely tempted to bare her teeth and maybe hiss for effect, though she settles for scowling and shoving her hands in her pockets. it’s 12.27, because she wasn’t going to be late but being any earlier would have given off some dubious impression that she’s eager to see todoroki, except now she kind of wishes she’d just come for 12.30 because if there’s some reservation bullshit she gets the feeling she’s going to start fighting with the waiting staff, and then-

“bakugou,” todoroki calls, from inside, raising a hand with unnecessary formality. “you made it.”

“course i made it,” katsuki grunts, absolutely not relieved as she by-passes the suspicious looking waiter to join her outside. “think i can’t ride the damn underground by myself?”

todoroki is wearing jeans cuffed at the ankles and a white t-shirt on top of which she’s thrown on an open button-up with the sleeves rolled up, and she looks casual and normal and incidentally kind of like they dressed to match, but the important part is that she doesn’t look dressed up at all, so katsuki was totally right about the non-date situation, and also isn’t the only one totally underdressed for the shitty venue.

“you look nice,” todoroki says then, completely shattering katsuki’s brief moment of reprieve. “i’ve never seen so much color on you.”

katsuki almost chokes on her own tongue, but the worst part is that the asshole seems completely nonchalant about the weird as shit observation, focused on her stool as she takes a seat on the balcony. which- what the actual fuck? since when does todoroki issue compliments unprompted- of the non-professional variety, at that? and what the fuck does she expect katsuki to say now- return the compliment? say thanks? is this whole thing some kind of exercise in psychological torture?

well, fuck it. she can’t look like a little bitch just because todoroki said something inanely positive. two can play that game.

“yeah. you look half decent yourself. did you hire someone to dress you for the occasion?”

todoroki blinks up at her in surprise, which is totally a win and would make her more smug if she could stop feeling so weird and prickly all over. for a dangerous moment todoroki seems on the verge of blushing, but miraculously the world rights itself and the usual deadpan persists, one brow quirking up in completely feigned ineptitude.

“there was a compliment somewhere in there, so thank you, i think. i thought we were past this vendetta.”

“we’ll be past this vendetta the day you burn your piece of shit hero suit,” katsuki retorts, back on familiar ground, and relaxes long enough to squint down at the menu.

this turns out to be a mistake.

“the fuck? is this whole thing in french?”

“oh,” todoroki says, after a beat. “that makes sense. i thought my english had deteriorated.”

“are you- you didn’t know? you recommended the place!”

“it was the nearest place to our hotel,” todoroki defends, now having the decency of looking slightly put out. “coq can’t mean what i think it means, can it?”

“that’s chicken, asshole,” katsuki hisses, flinging the menu down. “great, now we’re going to have to flag down one of the shithead waiters and ask for a japanese menu. excuse me! hey! yeah, i’m talking to- what the hell, did he just blow me off? hey, jackass! you with the shitty mustache!”

“sorry about that,” todoroki interjects, when mustache asshole turns an offended stare their way. “do you have the japanese menu?”

“we only serve the food in its authentic form,” mustachioed asshole says, with frigid self-satisfaction. “might i suggest google translate?”

“might i suggest my foot up your ass, you shitty-”

“that’s fine,” todoroki says, in a flat tone that implies otherwise. “we’ll make do.”

the waiter sniffs pretentiously as katsuki thinks about all the ways she could beat his ass into next tuesday, running an aggravated hand through her hair when the wind rustles it into her face. she’d half expect todoroki to suggest they fuck off elsewhere, but when she looks back her way she finds an ill-boding gleam of determination in her eyes despite the impassive set to her face, and it’s a testament to how fucked in the head ua has made katsuki that she feels a sort of sick thrill of recognition at the sight. todoroki’s in stubborn bitch mode.

“i’ll have this,” todoroki says, sure enough, pointing to the most expensive item on the menu. “and also this. and one of those.”

the waiter’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull, and todoroki looks unfazed in katsuki’s direction, tapping pointedly at a sleek black and red credit card in her wallet. “bakugou?”

well, if endeavour’s paying....

“sure,” katsuki says, slowly, and then turns her meanest smile the waiter’s way. “i want the frog legs.”

mustache clears his throat, attempts condescension. “we don’t serve that here.”

“you’re a gastronomique restaurant,” katsuki says very loudly, as other clients turn to stare, “and you don’t have fucking frog legs? is this a joke? does this napkin say authentic french cuisine or am i hallucinating?”

“i can ask the chef,” the waiter demurs, casting a nervous glance at the muttering snobs nearby, and attempts an ingratiating smile. “anything else for you, mademoiselle?”

“what did you just call me?”

once the ordering debacle is over, todoroki slants katsuki what may well be an apologetic glance, vaguely contrite frown sitting pretty atop her usual dead-eyed stare.

“i probably should have read up on the place ahead of time.”

katsuki is well within her rights to chew her head off, she thinks, but food’s on the way and she got to yell at the asshole who gave her the once-over when she came in, so she’s feeling forgiving, even in the face of todoroki’s annoyingly doll-faced apology. the bitch really has to do the bare minimum and she looks like a fucking kpop idol.

“yeah, whatever. i always knew you were a shitty ops planner.”

todoroki, who is an asshole, looks relieved at her generous forgiveness for all of a second before she quirks a brow. “between the two of us, i only count one person who has actually spoken the words ‘shoot first, ask questions later’.”

“that was in a training simulation,” katsuki protests, outraged. “and you know damn well the actors were annoying as shit!”

“i did find them slightly too committed to the role,” todoroki concedes neutrally, which totally means she agrees with katsuki 100% and is being precious about it. katsuki scoffs.

“least the view’s decent.”

“the-“ todoroki starts, in weirdly confused tones, until she follows katsuki’s gaze outward and nods in understanding. “oh, the skyline. yes.”

what else katsuki could have meant she doesn’t fucking know: they’re sitting pretty in the middle of tokyo. the only thing the hellhole of a restaurant has going for it at this point is the cityscape.

todoroki stares out into the distance for a good long moment, and with the breeze her negligently loose hair whips this way and that, red and white blur where the two halves mingle. instinctively katsuki itches to braid it flat so it doesn’t tangle. if todoroki asked her she’d tell her to just cut her damn hair into a bob or something- it’s not like icyhot has any attachment to her princess hair, and she’s got the obnoxious bone structure to pull off any length. not that she’d mention this last part. or that she’s given it much thought. it’s just fucking obvious.

if todoroki could keep her mouth shut throughout the rest of the meal, it could be sort of nice. tokyo skyline, and companionable silence, and presumably edible food. worse ways to kill some time, and way less incriminating than anything that may be said otherwise.

“i think this is the part where we make small talk,” todoroki says instead, sadist that she definitely is, as katsuki grimaces feelingly her way.

“no, we don’t.”

“well, we don’t. but this is the part where we should.”

“i don’t even believe you can last a minute of small talk, icyhot.”

todoroki looks pensive, mismatched eyes thoughtful. “...how has your day been?”

“uneventful,” katsuki says, combative, and eyes her watch. todoroki does not give.

“this place seems nice.”

“you don’t even think that.”

“how have you been finding tokyo?”

“noisy.”

“the weather seems-”

“no.”

“you look nice.”

“you said that already, dumbass,” katsuki grunts, palms crackling with sweat, and does not at all read into the way todoroki makes a stupid little movement with her mouth that could ungenerously be interpreted as a pout.

“well, i meant it, so i’m saying it twice.”

“give it up, half ‘n half, just ask me about training.”

“...how is your training?”

“i did this thing yesterday,” katsuki starts, leaning back in her chair, and from then launches into a very technical and barely exaggerated retelling of the batshit insane stunt she pulled off with her quirk the day prior. todoroki’s focused attention is gratifying, in a totally platonic non-weird way- it’s just that her parents couldn’t very well follow why exactly said stunt was as insane as it is, but todoroki obviously can, and also there’s that thing with todoroki where pulling a reaction out of her ice queen act is admittedly more satisfying than most people. it has jack shit to do with the fact katsuki’s got a very minor complex about todoroki paying her her dues, and even if it did then that’s entirely fucking reasonable considering she still hasn’t forgiven her for the sports fest incident. 

it is a little weird having todoroki’s sole focus on her outside of hero shit, though. it’s not like they really hang out one on one outside of school or work. it’s kind of- unnerving. yeah. unnerving, to be making prolonged eye contact, todoroki’s expression intent but not intense the way she gets in fight scenarios, frowning lightly because she has resting bitch face but apparently genuinely interested. it’s kind of a relief that todoroki asks questions- moves them safely into a conversation, so katsuki’s not just sitting there talking and sort of dry-throated. fucking waiter, leaving them water-less.

it’s fine. they talk about training, and quirks, and then todoroki pushes her hair behind her ears and leans forward to demonstrate on a small scale this thing she’s trying to do where she melts her ice and refreezes it in rapid succession so it causes what is essentially ice rain, but there’s logistics and shit that need to be worked out for it to work the way she’s thinking it might, and katsuki knows her thermal shit so they start scrawling maths over the napkins, and then bicker over the finer points of first year chemistry, so when the food actually arrives to interrupt them todoroki’s startled blink is weirdly relatable, like she also forgot where they were.

the waiter’s there and gone before they’re really recovered from the brief misplacement, which katsuki registers only when she looks down at her empty glass.

“goddamnit- how hard is it to bring us water?”

“they only offer sparkling,” todoroki says, gravely, then outpaces katsuki’s disgust by placing her hand over her glass, ice rising before she switches hands and melts it down. “tell me if the temperature’s off.”

intensely mollified and trying not to look it, katsuki sips it. “’s fine.”

“okay,” todoroki says, faintly pleased, and tilts her head to look down at her food. “i have no idea what any of this is.”

“moron,” katsuki snorts, except it comes out way fonder than it has any rights to, and from beneath the convenient curtain of hair todoroki’s smiling a little, so she hastily stabs a frog leg and gets to eating before anyone gets any ideas.

the actual meal goes okay-ish. most of the stuff todoroki ordered is extremely pretentious french cuisine, and todoroki secretly has the culinary adventurousness of a five year old, so it befalls katsuki to impatiently attempt every dish and pronounce it edible before todoroki will deign to brave it. she’s still trying to bully an unyielding todoroki into attempting the weird bird soup thing when there’s commotion nearby. it takes the both of them approximately three seconds to spring into work-mode; katsuki’s on her feet poised for a fight before she’s even consciously thought about it, scanning her peripherals, and she doesn’t even need to look to feel todoroki unconsciously covering her back, cool sting of air signalling her quirk at the ready. 

the commotion turns out just to be some old dumbass choking, relaxing them both out of their stances as she falls back to let todoroki ahead. they’re both uber-qualified for first aid shit, but she’s self-aware enough to know even todoroki’s bland reassurances are usually preferred to her bedside manner. unfortunately, the whole entourage seems to be braindead, because they’re all crowding the old guy in a panic while he chokes, his wife in shrieking hysterics.

“oh, my god, he’s choking! he’s choking! sugar-plum, stay with me!”

“fuck me,” katsuki mutters, unethically thinking that she would personally prefer choking to being married to someone who calls her sugar-plum, but todoroki’s pushing ahead with implacable calm, so she trudges after her anyways.

“excuse me. excuse me. i need access to your husband.”

“who are you? don’t touch him! help! get this woman off my husband!” wailing hysteric yells, bosom heaving dramatically. katsuki is starting to suspect she poisoned him on purpose or some shit, because no way does anyone talk like that in real life.

“she’s a fucking qualified first aid provider, lady, shut up and let her through!”

thankfully, the woman seems on the verge of an outrage aneurysm, which drags her focus away from suffocating her choking husband to dramatically pointing at katsuki long enough for todoroki to duck past her and reach the guy as he turns purple.

“how dare you speak to me that way? who do you think you are?”

“ma,” chinless moron number one says, clearing his throat. “i think that’s one of those future pros from TV.”

“what?”

“you know, ma,” chinless moron number two adds, glancing nervously between them. “the one that explodes things. you know. from UA.”

katsuki takes great pleasure in watching recognition dawn in the old cow’s beady eyes, but in any event there’s a hacking noise and then the old man’s coughing out a bone into his plate as todoroki steps noiselessly back from the table.

“he’s fine now. enjoy your dinner.”

“god, that was gross,” katsuki says, as they ignore the woman’s sputtering and return to their seats. todoroki tilts her head. 

“not really. if he’d thrown up it would have been.”

“not the choking guy,” katsuki scoffs, casting a glance back his way. “his wife. talk about theatrics.”

“she seemed more afraid of us than her husband dying.”

“for good reason,” katsuki mutters darkly, spreading out in her chair. “i hate civilians.”

“i don’t think she recognised us,” todoroki counters, pensive, and absent-mindedly takes a bite of the weird soup before she screws her face up like a betrayed kid. “oh. you didn’t say it was sweet.”

the look on her face thoroughly distracts katsuki from asking what other reason the pearl-clutcher could possibly have to be so terrified at the mere sight of them; instead, she chokes back a laugh, stifling a grin. “what are you, five?”

“i don’t think i like this,” todoroki says, mournful, which makes katsuki grin harder. she can’t help it- todoroki looking stupid is her kryptonite. 

“then don’t pick a restaurant where you can’t read the menu, next time.”

todoroki’s midway to looking up, but for some reason her expression transforms instantaneously, which makes katsuki reflexively try to quash her amusement. todoroki always gets weird when she’s smiling. 

“next time?”

motherfuck. obviously she didn’t mean next time like next time, she meant next time like- hypothetically, in the future, when todoroki’s on a lunch date with someone else. a lunch non-date. she’s just about stopped sputtering furiously long enough to try and express this sentiment when it occurs to her that todoroki seems- pleased, one eye soft sky-blue when katsuki accidentally meets it, and that draws her up short long enough that she ends up just muttering lamely to herself. fucking todoroki. 

on the heels of this utter embarrassment, she downs the rest of her water, scowls in a neat 180 at everything in sight, and wonders for the first time in her life how the fuck extras get through dates. not that this is one.

it’s fine. they’re done eating, and no one’s died, and katsuki is no longer fifteen and thus mostly trusts her ego to lick its wounds and recover from the ordeal. even if they stick around for desert that’s only another half hour of this to endure. as long as todoroki doesn’t make any sudden moves they’ll be fine.

...the problem is, of course, that sudden moves are todoroki’s modus operandi. katsuki has not forgotten the bitch calling them friends on national television in the same breath that she was vociferously denying them being anything of the sort. in todoroki’s fucked up brain, they’re always ten steps ahead of whatever they actually are- considering katsuki’s come around to privately acknowledging she’d take a couple more stakes through the gut for the asshole, in todoroki’s world they're practically hitched.

platonically. platonically practically hitched. this is not a thing, goddamnit. no matter the weird looks aizawa’s been giving them, or utsushimi’s nefarious schemes, or the alarming cardiopulmonary condition katsuki’s been developing of late. she’s not some shitty yuri protagonist pining over the nearest female bishōnen in her vicinity.

admittedly if she was to pine over anyone it sure as fuck wouldn’t be some guy, but that’s besides the point, since pretty damn near every person on earth is just some guy by her standards, regardless of gender. the fact that todoroki is not one of said people is entirely irrelevant.

her internal irritation is so distracting that she misses the tremors nearby until entirely too late, by which point todoroki’s stupidly perfect brows raise an incremental fraction and she goes: ‘oh’.

when todoroki goes ‘oh’, some shit is about to go down. 

katsuki turns slowly with an impending sense of doom, and sure enough, the sight that greets her is so nightmarish she seriously reconsiders whether the entire day has been just that. 

“don’t freak out,” a giant building-sized deku booms, apologetically, as his hideous giant face stares at them. “it’s just a quirk thing.”

it’s probably a good thing katsuki has gone speechless with outrage, since it permits todoroki’s constantly composed ass to ask useful questions katsuki probably would have coated in a fair amount more threats and cursing.

“midoriya. i didn’t know you were in tokyo.”

“well, i wasn’t meant to be,” deku says/booms like a foghorn, as the restaurant clientele shrieks and stampedes behind them. his sheepish expression is even more punchable when magnified. “it’s a long story. it’s almost sorted out now, though. i just saw you guys from over at the NPA office and thought i’d come ask if you maybe wouldn’t mind lending a hand? i wouldn’t ask but there’s going to be a lot of cleanup and your quirks would be really helpful to-”

“we’ll do it as long as you shut the fuck up,” katsuki yells, to cut him off, massaging her temples. “the monologuing’s bad enough when you’re not about to burst my fucking eardrums, jackass.”

“oh, sorry! i’m trying to be very quiet but this body’s just hard to get used to- thank you so much for helping, i didn’t mean to come bother you on break...”

“it’s fine,” todoroki says, and then seems to realise that her monotone doesn’t reach midoriya’s giant-ass ears and clears her throat, raising her voice to a shout. “it’s fine. let me go deal with the bill and then we’ll go.”

“sorry?” midoriya whisper-shouts, craning his monstrous head closer to them, the sight of which will haunt katsuki for the rest of her life. “i can’t hear what you’re saying!”

“she said she’s going to go pay for our nice fucking lunch,” katsuki hollers, with no small sense of satisfaction, as deku winces and todoroki slinks off. “since you want to come crashing it like a dipshit.”

“sorry, kacchan!” deku begs off, flapping hand gestures creating enough wind to knock over a nearby umbrella stand. “i just thought it would be a lot of help if you came to oversee the fall-out- especially with the building damage-”

“we’re good,” todoroki announces, to katsuki, apparently having given up on matching her in decibels. she’s got that classic hero look on her face, already in work mode, but just when katsuki’s about to do the same and jump into action, the look wavers a little and she frowns vaguely awkwardly. “thanks for doing lunch.”

“huh?” katsuki stutters, thrown, and then scowls at nothing in particular, stalling. todoroki’s the one who paid, albeit indirectly- it’s typically weird of her to be all formal about it all of a sudden, leaving katsuki to attempt to wriggle them out of the awkwardness of the moment. “i didn’t do shit except show up and eat, weirdo.”

“it’s been abnormally hard to show up and eat in the circumstances,” todoroki replies, a little wryly, and more concerningly a little resigned sounding. which is just unnatural, because todoroki may have expanded her range of emotions considerably since first year but resignation is not on her usual roster, and there’s nothing to be resigned about unless she had some kind of vested interest in this whole fiasco playing out any better than it did.

which she didn’t, obviously. katsuki’s been through this. she chose the nearest possible venue and rocked up in jeans and a t-shirt, and- and why is the fact that todoroki never dresses so normally out of class only now occurring to her, again?

she’d said ‘i think this is the part where we do small talk’. the part of what?

“yeah, whatever,” katsuki says, automatically, as her brain plays catch-up, which is the excuse she will forever stick to for what leaves her mouth next. “should have known you’d be a lousy date.”

todoroki goes ‘what?’ at the same moment deku does, ten times louder and more bug-eyed, which reminds katsuki that 1) deku is still there, 2) deku is still as big as his martyr complex, and 3) deku is the fucking worst, and allowing him to trap her into friendship is somehow responsible for this, she’s sure of it. 

“can we go handle this fucking mess or what?” katsuki snaps, instead of screaming or breaking deku’s very large nose or maybe self-immolating in abject humiliation, hands erupting into explosions as she jumps onto the balcony railing. maybe if she throws herself headfirst into the debris she’ll concuss herself and turn amnesiac. 

“um,” deku is saying, when she turns a withering glare his way. “um, yes! yes! yeah! let’s go do that!”

so she jumps skywards, explosions blasting her high into the air, and very scrupulously does not look towards the sounds of slick ice forming just behind her until todoroki skates into her peripheral vision, hair waving flag-like behind her. ahead there’s a building with a crater clean through it where deku must have erupted from, though when she turns to comment she finds him a fair deal behind them, lumbering pace slowed further as he avoids stepping on anyone or anything along the streets. instead her eyes lock on todoroki’s where the latter is staring at her, face unreadable, and she bristles hard enough to disrupt trajectory, correcting course rapidly before she plummets into an office.

“what?”

“i’m a lousy date,” todoroki repeats, neutrally, over the wind. katsuki grits her teeth.

“and what about it?”

she’s bracing for a lot, but not the horrible, sickening eye-crinkle thing todoroki does, dark eye twinkling even as her expression stays carefully impassive. “you think you can do better, then?”

“hah?”

“next time,” todoroki intones, very precisely, and then dips ahead like a complete coward as katsuki goes a color never previously visible to the human eye, sifting through about fifteen emotions before she decides to stick to outrage.

“what the hell? you suck at asking people out, icyhot!”

“you don’t have to say yes.”

“what, you think i can’t do better than this mess? you’re on, asshole.”

“i look forward to it,” todoroki says, gravely, and then there’s a collapsed building to handle and shit to do and if anyone wants to ask why katsuki is so especially gleeful in blowing shit up they wisely keep their mouths shut. she just likes the job, all right.

(for the record, it’s still not a date until katsuki says it is.)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “What You Missed.”

Hope you all are having a good day, and hope you enjoy!

The rumbling continued deep within the planet’s lower crust. Projections on the seismic map estimated the eventual collapse of the bran mining operation on the other side of the planet. Though they didn’t plan to go long enough for the tunnels to completely collapse, they planned to used the abandoned mining ground as the stage for their own setup.

Mining precious metals in the GA territories were highly regulated, and the products made and sold from those precious metals were also highly monitored, however, the GA could hardly monitor what they didn’t know about.

The biotin sniffed at the dusty air hating the way the dirt clung to her skin like a glove of fuzzy filth. The air here tasted sour and fake like most terraformed planets, and all she wanted to do was go back to her home world and relax where it didn’t smell so bad, but she knew she had to get this job done.

She glanced down at the paper she held, and idly walked her way over to where the staging operation had been set up, made out of several interlocking grey tents that were designed to look like the rocky surface of the planet if anyone was looking, as well as bloc their transmission signals so they couldn’t be spotted if anyone where to have an eye keen enough to spot them.

She stopped just inside the Tent to where the…. Human was sitting staring at the screens and tapping his long bony fingers together.

She hated this human, he was annoying and self centered, and likely thought he was enigmatic with the strange clothing he wore, and the mirrored glasses that covered his eyes, but she just found him wildly pretentious.

“How goes it, sir.”

He nodded, “The mining companies have left with the help of the Omen..” he sneered as the word passed through his lips, “The property is benign abandoned, and we should have a couple of months until they send someone to take a look and see what happened, at least until they send a force large enough for us to have to worry.”

She nodded but didn’t bother to agree or contradict him. It wouldn’t matter either way.

Besides, she didn’t care what happened as long as she got what she wanted. 

The GA was too large and too involved in everything in the galaxy, The leaders of her planet were too lax with their tariffs and trade deals, and because of their poor economic management, the Iotin planet had fallen into relative anonymity and been ignored by the rest of the galaxy. She believed they could be doing so much more, but it's not like they could really compete with humans and Tesraki. 

She was sick and tired of the GA thinking they could control everything.

And so was this human.

As much as she despised humans on principle, at least this human and her had similar goals. 

She could work with the enemy for a little while longer while they hashed out a true plan.

The human turned to look at her through his mirrored shades. The man was an older human who she was sure dyed his hair to cover the grey, and she did her best to conceal her disgust as she moved forward and handed him the drawn schematic.

He glanced down at it.

“Where is the rest?”

“He said he would deliver the rest upon payment. This was just a show of good will.”

“A show of goodwill.” he snarled, but then slowly sat back in his seat, “Can he guarantee that it works.” 

She bristled at his tone, but didn’t rise to challenge him, “He assures me it has already been tested on a human and achieved the desirable results.

“That's hardly comforting if I haven’t seen it.”

“Then take it up with him yourself. You should have worried about all this BEFORE agreeing to hijack an entire mining operation to build the damn things!”

He bristled right back at her but she didn’t care. She was coming to learn that not all humans were so like the ones the GA had met first hand. IN fact most humans weren’t loyal and honorable. Most of them were greedy, cowardly predators, who wanted nothing more than to push for their own personal gain while leaving others to rot in the dust.

This human was no different.

But soon it would all be over.

Very very soon.

She glanced down at the half schematic and the Kree seal stamped on the back.

***

“The seismic activity has escalated since evacuation. So far my scientists have been unable to pinpoint the source, as far as we knew, the planet wasn’t supposed to have plates, but something seems to be disturbing its stability. We were wondering if perhaps the extensive cave systems could do it, but, as far as we could tell the systems weren’t nearly large enough to disturb the lower crust of the planet.”

“And the evacuation?”

“The larger mining companies shipped off most of their employees on their waiting station ships, and I took some of what remained. We will be bringing most of them back to the Bran homeworld for recovery.”

“And you admiral, how do your people fare?”

“The rescue teams managed to make it out alive. I was almost crushed, but some quick thinking by Lord Celex’s son saved my life, but other than that no one was injured too badly, but I would take some scientists to keep an eye on the strange underground activity. We have never seen anything like it, and are worried that the planet might be destabilizing. It isn’t o dire considering that the planet was originally uninhabited, but I am told this mining station carries the highest percentage of  Terbium to minerals in the galaxy, so it would be a loss.”

A few feet away, Ket lay curled on a ball on  a pillow with a warm  up of glowmoss in one hand. A few other miners sat around the room idly listening to the Admiral who was talking over communication to the GA council, a council that had grown a lot bigger since Ket had known of it five years ago.

In fact a lot of things had changed since the humans had arrived, and not for the worse as he had once suspected.

He munched on some of the moss and turned to watch the human as he paced across the floor. How strange it was to see the creature from his nightmares in such a…. non -nightmarish circumstance. He could still remember the chase all those years ago and felt the horror and concern that had almost driven him to madness down in the mining tunnels, but, there the human was talking like a civilised creature, apparently head of the GA’s coalition fleet, and some sort of bigshot ambassador.

Not to mention all the strange alien creatures that he had come across since stepping on the towering four-armed warriors and the fuzzy fluff balls of anger. The one that had come to rescue him was still sitting on the human’s shoulder, interjecting the occasional point to the council when the human missed something.

It was all so surreal.

For years he had been hiding in that tunnel, what he originally only saw as maybe half a year turned out to be around five years, and the galaxy had grown in scope and involvement. What had once been a coalition of uneasy allies held together by economics, the GA was now a thriving galactic metropolis based on mutual backing and delicate diplomatic involvement.

Or at least that’s what he had seen so far.

“Thank you.” The human said before shutting off the hologram and walking back across the room full of evacuees 

His single green eye fell on Ket skin still dusted with the grime of rocks and dirt, and stepped over to kneel next to him and where he sat on his cushion. It had been a very long time since he had been aboard a spaceship and even longer since he had talked to anyone. He was still getting used to that.

And the human still managed to unnerve him.

“How are you feeling.” “Overwhelmed.”

The human’s rubbery, mobile face deformed a bit so one corner of its mouth stretched upwards for a moment, “I can hardly blame you for that. You’ve been away a long time.” The human paused, and Ket watched him curiously as he reached up to rub the back of his head, “Look I, know i've already apologized for what happened five years ago, but it was sort of a half assed apology considering that we were being crushed at the time.” He shifted his weight so he was now resting on his other knee, “I want to explain myself. Before I saw you, my entire planet thought that we were the only living things in the galaxy. No one believes in extraterrestrial life, and upon seeing you, I was just excited, and wanted to make sure it was all real.”

Ket waited.

“I know that doesn’t excuse years of psychological trauma, but I promise, when I was…. Chasing you, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was excited, and I should have been more diplomatic about it. I can see that now, but back then we didn’t really know anything about politicking with aliens. I am not trying to excuse my behavior, but I just want you to understand that I made a mistake and I am willing to apologize for it.”

It seemed so strange, and unusual coming from the mouth of a predator, but he found that he…. Believed it?

How odd.

“I understand…… I admit I am a bit surprised as to how things turned out.”

The human showed its teeth, which he was coming to realize was supposed to be a good thing, “Yes, a lot of things have changed in the last five years, come and I'll show you.” ket let the empty cup of moss fall to the side by his cushion and stood to walk at the feet of the human who was at least four feet taller than him since ket stood on six legs and the human stood on two, they might have been around the same height if the human had decided to walk on al fours, but at this point ket had to crane his neck up to look at the human.

“We began peace talks with the GA shortly after you were relocated to your new post. We signed the treaty in a little over a year and I offered to help in the Drev war, which I believe you might have heard of since it started before we showed up.”

Ket nodded his head.

“We won the Drev war for the GA and the Drev began peace talks after the war ended.  I Was promoted to captain shortly after and given command of the ship under loan from the UNSC to the GA in order to support diplomatic relationships between our people. Since then the Gnarlak nation has fallen, and those remaining have been confined to a plot of land on their planet where they can no longer hurt the FInnari, a subjugated species which was farmed by the Gnarlak. Other notable discovered species have been the Tvek, Lumin, Mikes, Iotins, Celzex, dort of, Starborn Tricar, and hopefully I am not forgetting anyone. We have fought in two burg wars and won them both releasing the burg population from total supremacy under an unfeeling tyrant. Interspecies relationships are legal now, though the discrimination they face is still something we are working on. Planetary GDP has risen for petty much everyone and our job market is only getting better. The tourist industry is becoming a gib thing. My Tesraki market analysts say that humans, the Tesraki and and Rundi are currently galactic superpowers in regards to power and economic influence, but as far as we can tell this hasn’t caused to man problems between the other less influential groups. The Bran for instance.” he glanced down at ket, “are selling precious metals used in electronics at ten thousand percent higher output rate than you were a few years ago and selling at a fifty percent markup. As far as I know, no one is hurting.”

He tapped his fingers against his arm, “I think that is most everything important you need to know, oh I forgot the Kree war and discovering that, somewhere out in the universe, there is another sentient, and likely multi species galactic coalition, though we haven't had the pleasure of meeting or interacting with them just yet.” he frowned, “Well, I have, but I hardly consider it interacting because they kept me in a cage most of the time.”

Ket stared at the human, and the human shrugged, “that should catch you up to speed.”

It most certainly did not, but he supposed it was as good of an opening as he was going to get.

Honestly he had no idea what he was supposed to do or think. It was all so new to him, and all so strange. How was he going to actually catch up?

How was he going to integrate back into society after all this?

After months of being nearly incoherent?

He could still feel that part of him lurking somewhere in the background and knew that it was not gone.

He was going to have to figure out something eventually….

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

How many fucking times must I talk about this movie?

I feel like this movie doesn’t need an introduction. Everyone knows this film. Its reputation precedes it. It didn’t bomb and it’s not generally considered one of the worst films ever made (at least on the level of films like Robot Monster or The Cat in the Hat), but this movie is easily one of the most divisive films ever made. This film has generated enough arguments that, if we harnessed the energy of all the flame wars it has caused, we could probably power the entire world until the heat death of the universe.

With the impending release of Zach Snyder’s bloated redo of Justice League, I’ve decided to go back and ask myself of this film here… is it really that bad?

THE GOOD

Here comes the most uncontroversial opinion: the action scenes in this movie rock (or at least two of them do). The standouts are the titular showdown, which almost makes sitting through the rest of the movie worth it, and the epic warehouse fight Batman gets into, which is like something straight out of the Arkham games. It’s so good. And aside from that, a lot of the cinematography in the film is good. The film knows how to look good, though unfortunately it does end up being a lot of style with little substance.

On the subject of Batman, I think Ben Affleck is a great and inspired choice. I certainly think he’s worthy of standing alongside Batmans like Clooney and Keaton, easily embodying both the Dark Knight and Billionaire Playboy aspects fairly well, though the writing does not always handle him quite as well as it should (we’ll get to that soon enough). Henry Cavill, while still a rather dour Superman, is as good as ever as Superman, and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman was a great choice here, especially since she didn’t have control so that she could insert anti-Arab racism, like some DCEU movies.

Perhaps one of the movies most impressive feats is how, in an uncharacteristic moment of brevity, it manages to condense the backstory of Batman into the prologue, getting it out of the way and not making us sit through yet another Batman origin film. This is literally the only thing the movie has over the MCU; where that franchise just has the character Spider-Man inexplicably in existence without even a hint of his origins, they just get Batman’s tragic backstory out of the way so we can see him beating the crap out of people. If more superhero movies want to take this route and just condense the backstory into an opening montage like this, I’d be down for it.

THE BAD

I really could just say “most of the movie” but that’s such a cop out. Let’s actually look at the problems. Let’s work our way up through the things from least problematic to most, shall we?

The best place to start is what Zach Snyder did to Jimmy Olsen.

Jimmy Olsen is made into a CIA spook who is brutally killed early on, and yes, that was Jimmy Olsen. Snyder put him in to shock audiences with his senseless murder, and also because he felt the character had no place in his series. Does making Watchmen just turn people into joyless husks who like to horribly bastardize iconic characters? Jimmy Olsen is ultimately a small microcosm of the film, but he is the sum total of everything wring with the early DCEU. He is bleak, soulless, and shows a critical lack of understanding about the comics and why people enjoy them.

Now let’s move on to the more exciting problem to discuss: the villains. I don’t even think it’s worth wasting much time discussing what’s wrong with KGBeast. While it is kind of interesting they’d think to use the guy at all, the fact he never dons the costume and dies by the end of the film is unfathomably lame for a character named KGBeast.

Now, onto the main antagonist, and the most infamous part of the movie: Lex Luthor.

Lex Luthor is horribly, horribly miscast. Jesse Eisenberg is a great actor for sure, and he’s effective in movies like Now You See Me, The Social Network, and the Zombieland films. But here he is being asked to play one of the most diabolical cunning geniuses in comic book history, and rather than play him as such, he plays him like a cartoonish twit. This Lex is utterly unrecognizable as Superman’s greatest foe. Does anyone think Lex Luthor would send a jar of piss to someone as a joke before he blows them up? That’s more something the Joker would do on an off day. Lex is not cunning, not intimidating, and not diabolical in the slightest, and yet there are moments where Eisenberg’s acting chops shine through and Lex, for a moment, is almost engaging. Luthor really suffers the way Doctor Doom tends to in film adaptations: the filmmaker clearly doesn’t get why people like the villain, and decide to do some weird, unique take that will only cause to alienate fans.

But perhaps the worst of them all is Doomsday. Doomsday has exactly one claim to fame, and that’s killing Superman, so as soon as he shows up if you have even a passing awareness of the character you know how the movie is going to end, which robs the film of tension for its last battle. The fact he also appears with little buildup and doesn’t have any characterization doesn’t help; Doomsday is just the Big Gray CGI Blob that superhero movies try and pass off as a final boss for the heroes to fight. This has worked precisely once, in Iron Man. The Incredible Hulk and Venom did not make it work, and this film is nowhere close to being in the same ballpark as Venom.

By and far the biggest problem, though, is the movie’s incredible length and its very existence in the franchise at this point in time. This is an epic superhero crossover in which two of the biggest comic book characters of all time fight and then team up… And it is the second movie in a franchise. While they do a good job of establishing Batman rather quickly, Wonder Woman comes out of nowhere. And then at the end, Superman ‘dies.’ We have had one single movie prior to this to make a connection to the guy, and yet here he is getting a temporary comic book death with no buildup whatsoever that we know is going to be reversed sooner than later because the movie telegraphs this to us.

Imagine if, instead of building up the character over the course of a decade and putting him in all sorts of different stories, the MCU went right from Iron Man to Endgame. You go from a simpler, character-driven piece to a massive crossover where a hero dies right away, and it doesn’t give anyone time to care. Tony Stark had multiple films worth of characterization under his belt before they threw him in a crossover, let alone killed him, but Snyder expects you to give a damn about a Superman who just started his career in the previous movie of a franchise.

And the ass-numbing length of the movie is no justification. Even before the director’s cut came out this film was a slog, and the director’s cut really does nothing to earn its existence. All it does is add more runtime to an already tedious and bloated film, leading to the same exact ending and fixing none of the overarching narrative problems of the thing. The problem with any director’s cut is that ultimately the movie is still going to be Dawn of Justice, it’s still going to lead to extremely rushed character decisions, and it’s still going to be a mess. You’d have to redo half of the film to make this into a worthwhile and coherent narrative that’s actually worthy of being an entry in a superhero franchise.

And to top it all off, the movie spends far too much time foreshadowing for its own good. People criticized The Mummy for shoehorning in way too many shared universe elements right off the bat, and if that movie was bad for it, so is this one. The cameos from all the members of the Justice League, while striking, could be excised from the plot with little to no impact, and the Knightmare sequence is just excessive and weird.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

The answer to this question has never been harder.

On the one hand, this film does have some merit. There is some good casting choices, good cinematography, good action… But then, on the other hand, the film is overly long, pretentious, has poor writing and dialogue, mishandles everyone aside from Superman, and is just incredibly unpleasant.

This film is in many ways the exact problem Christopher Nolan created with his Dark Knight trilogy. Nolan, by grounding the fanciful characters of comic books into a realistic setting, created a climate in which someone could suck any sort of joy or meaning out of comics. The success of his films meant that people would see dark, gritty realism as preferable to joyous, colorful escapism, and the negative effects of his films, however good you find them, are still felt today even as filmmakers are finally shaking off the grit. Dawn of Justice is the zenith of Nolan’s style of superhero film. There is nothing fun, joyful, or engaging to be found here; it is simply the characters you know and love forced into dark, miserable scenarios that ends in death and misery. Where’s the fun? Where’s the color? Where’s the wonder, the excitement, where is any of it? This film paints a bleak and miserable and hopeless picture of a world of superheroes. It really makes me think of this rather famous comic panel:

I absolutely hate this movie, but not because I think it’s bad. I hate it because it has enough good ideas where it should be the best thing ever, but it really isn’t. It’s a miserable slog of a film that does nothing to justify or earn its massive runtime whatsoever. It really does belong somewhere between 5 and 6 on IMDB, because I can almost see why people like it, but it just isn’t even remotely close to being how good its fan say it is. This is not a good superhero movie, and this is not how we should want superhero movies to be. There is a market for serious superhero fare of course, and there’s no reason that these films can’t engage with mature themes or anything, don’t get me wrong. But this is absolutely not the way to do it.

[bloededhoine]

For Roche: 

☾ - sleep 

★ - sad

☠ - angry/violent

yikes this one took a while! sorry about that anon. but..,,, i did have a lot of fun writing it so thank you!

sleep

vernon roche sleeps like a fuckin log

face down, arms at his sides, practically dead

ves basically needs to hit him over the head with a metal pot to get him up in the mornings

and he is very, very grouchy

like... bring this man coffee or he will cut off your hands

he can't nap, but he wishes he could

once he wakes up, he can't really fall back asleep for the rest of the day. because of this he gets extra angery™️ if someone wakes him up before he wanted to wake up

roche claims he doesn't have dreams, but he does

they just don't happen to be the kind of dreams he wants to share with people

read: either terrifying nightmares that make him wake up half sobbing and half screaming or incredibly pornographic

he's always liked having his own space (starfish team wya), so isn't too keen on sharing a bed with anyone. that being said, he'd much rather sleep in bunks with his men than in a separate room by himself, even if his rank qualifies him for one

part of it is because he doesn't want to be like the other pretentious commanders, but he also likes the safety and closeness of falling asleep around people he trusts

once he began sharing a bed with iorveth more regularly, however, his preferences shifted

iorveth doesn't particularly mind the way roche sleeps all spread out, and roche loves waking up with an elf in his arms

especially since he usually wakes up horny

i told myself i wouldn't make this one dirty but... yeah

a sloppy, lazy, morning fuck is his absolute favourite way to start the day

i mean, why wouldn't it be?

also waking up to iorveth nearly wrist deep inside him

sad

roche promised himself a very long time ago that he would never cry in front of another person

when he was 6 years old he skinned his knee while kicking a ball around the streets of vizima. as soon as the tears came, so did the other kids asking what the bloody whoreson had to cry about

the first and only time he broke that promise was after foltest died. at first, he was able to keep his cool, pushing all his emotions into the little box he made nearly 30 years ago

it was natalis' story about anaïs decidedly asking to learn to fight that opened it

roche never even had the innocence of a childhood, and seeing that ripped away from foltest's only surviving child to the point where she wouldn't even consider not fighting?

it was almost too much

he even made it to his office, keeping everything locked away until he was in private

but, ves was there. sitting casually by his desk like this was her office, and reminding roche of how she wasn't even 18 when he met her.

that reminder was what finally broke him

fortunately, ves was understanding, and held all of roche's tears until he fell asleep

she cried right after too

so did fenn, thirteen, finch, silas, shorty, and really anyone in a 5 kilometre radius when they saw the most violent woman alive sobbing into the shoulder of vernon fucking roche.

it was an emotional day

largely because roche never let himself feel

when roche ever needed to cry and just be sad, he'd turn that energy into something else

he always claimed it's not productive to sit around mourning what he couldn't have, instead he would fight for what he could

although this does allow for some pretty hefty vengeances, it also leads to very intense projecting

like when one of the youngest recruits was shot through the skull in a raid

logically, roche knew there was nothing he could do to bring that literal child back, but he could scream at his men until his voice went hoarse for not caring for their weapons

yikes this one's making me sad

angry/violent

collected rage team big time

contrary to popular belief, vernon roche is not violent simply for the sake of violence

when he chooses to deal with matters at the end of his sword, it is either because his king ordered it or he's protecting something he cares about

and neither of those have any room for gratuitous violence

it's reflected in his weapon choice as well

one sword, one mace, and two daggers at all times. yes, arrows are incredibly painful, but what's the point if the target doesn't die immediately?

of course, roche favours close combat

being able to kill 5 kaedwenis in a 1 minute span? unmatched.

the only time he allows himself to get carried away in violence is during an interrogation

largely because he is in control. if the prisoner makes a break for it, ves is right outside the door. if someone ran in the middle of battle, roche wouldn't be able to chase them AND have the distraction of anger

as i've mentioned, our favourite temerian (sorry thaler) is repressed™️

he doesn't like feeling anything, except anger

but he also knows anger can be a liability when the stakes are high

enter: blue stripes fist fights

not only does he get the bragging rights of kicking any of his men's (and a witcher's) asses, he can also release some of the rage he keeps bottled up

plus, he doesn't need to explain to foltest why the fourth prisoner in a month didn't survive their interrogation

[tensonline]

Chapter 2

WE ARE THE LOVESICK GIIIIIIIIIiiiiiIiiiiiiIIIIIIRLSSSSS

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wait, so let me get this straight. Do you want to date this guy? Or do you just wanna fuck him?”

“_____, please stop fucking athletes. You have a type and it’s shitty men who have two brain cells.”

“OKAY,” you yelled. “I get it! I like my men that know how to juggle balls and can juggle me! IS THAT CRIME?!”

“No! But what about some cute English major? Or a sociology one? You like sociology!” Jisoo insisted.

“First of all bitch, English majors are pretentious so how dare you,” you snapped, “Have you not seen You? Everyone knows to stay away from them. And sociology majors are only good for arguing on Twitter. They suck at sex.”

“Um fuck you? I’m a sociology major and  I--” Jennie started

You interrupted her, “I do not need to know about you and Jisoo’s sex life. Please. Not all of us like romantic candlelit sex. I want someone to choke me and degrade me! I love being degraded! Have either of you been thrown around? Or tried orgasm denial?”

Jisoo scowled. “No, you freak. Some of us don’t like being rough.”

“Yeah,” Jennie sniffed. “There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex. So what if I like to have my room smell like A Thousand Wishes and have Alina Baraz playing while I’m fucking? Also, who wants to have their orgasm be denied? Isn’t that, like, the opposite of what someone would want in sex?”

You gaped at her, “Oh my god. I’m going to ignore that last question and focus on what’s more disturbing. Are you serious, bitch? A Thousand Wishes is the scent you pick from Bath and Body Works? There are better ones.”

“Ooo, really? Which ones do you recommend?” Jennie lights up as she asks.

“Okay, you need to try---”

“Oh my god, can we focus?!” Jisoo hisses. She looks between you and her girlfriend and sighs when you both turn to her with incredulous faces.

Of course both of you thought she was crazy for interrupting the conversation.

“Look, _____” Jisoo sighs, “You don’t think this is a bad idea? You work with this guy. What if it makes things awkward?”

“It won’t,” you dismiss while waving a hand around,  “He’s chill. I’m chill. We’re both grown and can handle sleeping together while staying… colleagues. Acquaintances. Whatever the hell we are.”

Jisoo and Jennie shared a look. They both knew that once you set your sights on someone, it was only a matter of time until you sunk your claws into them. Their warnings were only going to fly right over your head. Usually, your friends would admire how determined you are when you want to achieve something and wouldn’t let anyone deter you. Any other day they would admire your perseverance.

Today wasn’t that day.

You saw the look that the couple in front of you shared and immediately tensed up.

“Look, I know what you two are thinking,” you say with your brows furrowing, “He seems like just my type. But I’ll be careful. If I feel myself getting too…. too close or feeling like it’s too much I’ll stop.”

Jisoo immediately softened her face and spoke gently. “_____, I’m not trying to control you. Neither is Jennie. We both love you, you know that. You’re like our sister and daughter all in one. We just know of Xuxi’s reputation and want you to tread carefully, okay?”

You looked at her with wide eyes, “What do you mean?”

It wasn’t that they were upset over you sleeping around, far from it actually. You were a big girl who could do whatever and whoever you wanted. Hell, they often played wing woman and set you up with guys they knew you would like.

They were just worried about you. You were the baby of the group with a personality that someone could easily take advantage of. It’s not like you were the type to run at the first sign of romance, in fact, you enjoyed it.

You, whether you admitted it or not, were secretly a hopeless romantic. You were okay with having casual sex, but if it went anything farther then that..

Well.

You fall hard. You loved the idea of love no matter how much of a realist you forced yourself to be. You liked making connections and building relationships with people that made you laugh, it was a part of your charm. You gave away your heart too easily when it came to relationships, and they had been there to pick up the pieces quite a few times.  You gave your all to someone and it hurt them seeing someone do wrong by you.

Your friends were only worried about you because they both knew of Huang Xuxi.

And they both knew he was exactly the type of guy who could charm you and would fall for immediately.

Jennie moved to sit by you and cuddled closer, “Look, yeah he’s a nice guy. Everyone knows that. But… he’s just a player. Sure he’s transparent with every girl he sleeps with, but that doesn’t mean he treats girls nicely. And you deserve to be treated nicely. Or I’ll kick his fucking ass and set his car on fire.”

Jennie beamed at you when she finished speaking.  You felt your heart warm at the threat. She absolutely would follow through with it and knowing you had a friend who would go that far for you made you feel safe and secure.

“Me too, Jennifer. If I didn’t know you and Jisoo are practically soulmates I would say the same thing. But since you two are basically the last piece of evidence that proves love exists, I’ll settle for something else. So if any one of those girls on the cheer team give you the slightest bit of attitude I’ll slap them.”

Jisoo smiled seeing the exchange. For right now, they’ll put Huang Xuxi onto the backburner.

“Anyways, let’s go back to what we all came here for. The semester starts next week and the Theta Chi house is working with the Sigma Kappa girls to throw the first party. So obviously we need to look sexy as fuck. Especially _____ and Lisa. You both have cobwebs and dust collecting on your vaginas that I can see.”

“What the fuck” you gasped, “Ten told me the same thing! It’s literally been a month. Cmon, that’s not even that long.”

“Yeah well, for a university student it is. Especially for someone hot like you. Even more so when we take your track record into consideration. Your virginity is basically putting itself together again like the ashes of the ones that died in Infinity War,” Rosie said as she walked into the apartment with Lisa towing in right behind her.

You jumped at their entrance then scowled after her comment sunk in, “Leave me alone, Roseanne,”

Rosie glared at you for the use of her full first name as she sat down across from you.

“When was the last time you got laid?” you taunted, “We haven’t heard any hoe stories from you either!”

Rosie perked up, “Last night, actually. I went on a date with Jungkook and went back to his apartment. Mingyu says hi, by the way. Did you know they were roommates?”

“UGH,” you groaned. “Of course you get laid by one of the hottest dudes there is. And he’s nice! What the fuck! Save some for us bitch!”

Rosie laughed and looked down, her cheeks flushing a pretty pink.

Immediately everyone got quiet and stared at her.

“Rosé,” Lisa drawls out slowly, “Do you actually like this guy?”

Rosie sobered up quickly and looked around at each of you.

“Okay, look,” she says slowly, “I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I--”

“Oh my god,” you interject with a groan. You throw yourself onto the couch and cover your eyes with your arm, “Everyone is falling in love except me! I haven’t even had sex in so long! Not even oral!”

“I didn’t even finish yet!” Rosie says exasperated.

“Yes, but you’re Rosé, everyone falls in love with you on the first date. And if this guy didn’t then I’ll kill him. Because you’re pretty and perfect and deserve the world. Why wouldn’t he fall in love right away? The fuck.”

Rosie flushes but sends you a shy smile either way.

“As I was saying, I actually have been going on dates with Jungkook but didn’t say anything because I actually like this guy. I was worried he just wanted to hit it and quit it, that’s why I never mentioned it. I would’ve been so embarrassed if that happened and I gushed about how much I like him but… I think it’s going well. I hope he asks to be exclusive soon,” she finishes with a whisper. You suddenly sit up straight and smack the sofa. Your friends jump at the sudden action when you open your mouth and say “I’ll shove my foot up his ass if he doesn’t ask you to be his girlfriend, Rosie. I don’t give a fuck how hot he is, you’re way hotter and have a line of people knocking at your door.”

Lisa blinks, “Okay, _____. You are at a ten right now and need to take it to a two. Not everything needs to turn into a wannabe WWE match, but I agree. Rosie, if he doesn't ask you to be exclusive within the next month, drop him.”

“Okay,” Rosie sighs while looking down and playing with the hem of her dress, “I just haven’t liked someone like this in a while and I’m just… yeah. But enough about me! There’s nothing to get sad about! We have more important issues to focus on. Like _____ and Lisa being the reborn virgins of the group. Ironic since you two are the biggest hoes I know.”

Lisa groans, “I know. I’ve just been so stressed with the dance team and summer school. I haven’t had time to even rest and now the semester is starting? Bitch..” she shakes her head without finishing.

Jennie gets up and claps her hands, “Well, what are we waiting for? The Theta Chi party is the perfect time and place for you two to get some. It’s coming up soon and we need to start pampering now. It doesn’t even need to be for hooking up, it can be a good luck present for the semester starting. Now c'mon, get your shit” she says grabbing yours and Lisa’s arms and yanking you two up, “if we leave right now we can make it to the salon as a walk-in. I’ll pay for everything.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The final days leading up to a new semester were tiring. You had a short timeframe in which you had to get your financial aid sorted out, make sure you sent out the emails that needed to be sent, talked to your manager about your schedule, and mentally prepare yourself. On top of all the stress you had going on outside of work, work itself had been incredibly busy. With the upcoming start of a new school year, the store had been filled to the brim with snot nosed kids, demanding parents, and hoards of teenagers all looking for the perfect shoe. You had asked for more hours to get some extra cash, but you were starting to regret it. With the back to back scheduling and long shifts, there was no time for you to sit down and breathe.

Fortunately today, you were scheduled to do sorting in the back for the majority of your shift. Which meant you had to take inventory for an hour and sit around on your phone for the rest of it.

As you were counting how many black high tops Converses there were left and cursing the middle schoolers who never failed to sell them out early every year, you failed to notice someone walking in.

“Hey, _____. You need some help?” Jaehyun asked.

You tensed up immediately after hearing the voice and mentally cursed yourself for not washing your hair last night or doing your full makeup routine.

At least you had the decency to put on your eyebrows.

“Oh hey, Jaehyun. I didn’t know you were scheduled for today. How was your vacation?” you asked while putting on a fake smile.

Jaehyun was one of your coworkers, and also your ex-boyfriend. The funny, sweet basketball player had been working at Foot Locker way longer than you and had been the one to train you. He was the one to take you under his wing and introduce you to everyone, offered to buy you something to eat whenever you forgot to bring lunch, and the type of guy to bring everyone who was scheduled with him a drink from Starbucks.

He was everyone’s work crush, including yours.

Until he cheated on you.

“It was good,” he grinned at you, “I missed my grandparents and the rest of my family, so it was nice to see them again. But the weather here is much better than back home.”

“I’m glad you got to see them!” you said with a tone that was obvious you felt anything but glad for him.

As you were thinking about how to somehow get out of this conversation while not getting scolded by your manager for abandoning your task, Jaehyun was busy looking you up and down. The summer had definitely done you good, even if you had spent most of it at work. It hadn’t been that long since he last saw you but your skin was glowing and sun-kissed, even more than usual. There was also definitely much more ass in your jeans than from what he remembers. You already had a nice one to begin with, something he took note of whenever you climbed up the ladder to get a box of shoes too high for you in the backroom.

He remembered when you first walked into Foot Locker for an interview. It was nearly impossible not to notice you. You walked into any room and instantly commanded the attention of everyone within your vicinity. With your sun-kissed glowing skin and a gleaming smile, you had everyone watching you all the time.

The funny part was that you barely even noticed it.

Jaehyun knew of you before you had even submitted an application. Of course he knew of the pretty psychology student who nearly always got the top scores and didn’t have a stick up their ass for it. You were always willing to lend a helping hand and had the patience to explain theories and concepts for hours to someone who didn’t have a clue.

Don’t get him wrong, you were far from a pushover, and more often than not he would overhear you tell classmates the many ways you would shove a textbook up their ass if they tried to copy off you or didn’t at least try to put in an effort.

It was evident that you weren’t a pushover or afraid to ask for what you wanted. You just took a while to warm up to people and let them in close enough to see the bratty side of you.

He was lucky enough to be one of those you let in, but he had to go and fuck it all up.

Jaehyun tried again, “So, how was your summer?”

You didn’t have the time or energy for this shit. “Jaehyun,” you said sharply. “I’ve been incredibly stressed with trying to juggle my summer class, work, and social life if you’re that desperate to know. I don’t need--”

Jaehyun cut you off, “_____, I’m sorry. I just want to talk to you and explain, please.”

Conversation with Jaehyun once came as natural as breathing to you. There used to be a time where he could ask the world from you and you would do anything to give it to him. He was the person you looked forward to seeing the most, the one you wanted to see right when you woke up and before you fell asleep. And at one point he was.

You were never blind to how attractive he is. Jaehyun, with the sweet smile and tall, lean build was the kind of guy who could get people to stop and stare whenever he walked by. Hell, you had seen it happen nearly every time the both of you went walking to the food court.

After all, he was Jung Jaehyun, a university basketball player.

Which was just a kind way to say he was a fuckboy.

To make it even worse, he was a fucking frat boy. Which meant he had a reputation of sleeping his way through campus.

When he was the one to ask you out first, you had told yourself that it was just a way for him to get into your bed. After the second, third, and fourth date, you still mistook his advances as him trying to be kind to you before he hit it and quit. It was a month into the dates that he asked you to be his girlfriend. Even then, you were very cautious at the beginning of your relationship. You had dealt with your fair share of playboys like Jaehyun and weren’t afraid to bust their balls.

You actually enjoyed knocking men down a peg or two.

But Jaehyun was nothing if not persistent. He made an effort to spend as much time with you as possible and get to know you on an intimate level. The constant sleepovers at your place and late-night talks had both of you falling in love, fast and hard.

To this day, you still didn’t know why he cheated on you.

Jaehyun interrupted your thoughts, “_____?”

You shook your thoughts away, “Yeah?”

“I asked if you had any plans for the last week of summer?”  

You sighed, “Look, Jaehun. I’m just exhausted thinking about the semester starting. But I’m trying to distract myself from thinking about school and worry about my social life instead. So yes, I do have plans to go out and yes, it is to the same party your frat is hosting. But I’m not going for you, so do not approach me or talk to me. Don’t even look at me. I have bigger things to worry about and I do not want to deal with the stupid questions from your stupid friends.

“Like what?”

“Like what, what?”

Jaehyun scrunched his face in confusion, “You said you had bigger things to worry about. Is everything okay? Are your brothers good?”

As much as you hated to admit it, your heart fluttered. Jaehyun knew how much you cared about your younger brothers. He loved them just as much as you and liked going with you whenever you visited home, “Well yes but---”

“That’s good,” Jaehyun lets out a breath. “Look _____, I know you don’t owe me anything. I know I fucked up real bad, but please let me just explain everything. I want you to know what happened. I valued our relationship above everything and it meant the world to me. I know it might not have looked like it but--”

You snorted. Good for him, he’s self-aware.

Jaehyun flushed at your laugh. He deserved it but tried again “_____, please---”

Every sad look he sent you was sending you over the edge. Who did he think you were? You weren’t the type to let people step all over you like regardless of what Jaehyun thought. As mildly insulted as you felt over how little he thought of you, you didn’t have the type to tear a new one into him. You had shit to do or else your manager would be pissed.

“Jaehyun, I can’t do this.”

“_____, what---”

“_____.” Jumping at the sudden mention of your name, you had failed to notice a tall figure standing only feet away from Jaehyun during the conversation between the two of you.

“Xuxi,” you breathed out.

Jaehyun frowned, “Xuxi?”

“Xuxi,” the man himself said. Xuxi was staring at you with something dark, something that made you tense up and on edge for what his next move would be. He had been sent to the back to clock in and help you out with inventory when he noticed that the door was left slightly open. Xuxi had stopped when he heard Jaehyun’s voice and the exasperated tone in your voice.

When Xuxi realized Jaehyun was the one in there with you, he felt that ugly jealous feeling crawl up his chest. He didn’t want to closely examine why it was there. You weren’t his. The two of you hadn’t been close enough for him to consider you as his, but he still didn’t like the idea of you being stuck in a room with Jaehyun.

Xuxi didn’t want to harbor any ill feelings towards Jaehyun; he was his frat brother and Xuxi never had an issue with him. He already owed Jaehyun one for getting him a job here but after finding out what went down between the two of you, he lost respect for Jaehyun.

Xuxi was self-aware that he wasn’t the most romantic guy on campus nor was he the type to go steady with someone, but he would never string a girl along or cheat on her. He respected them enough to be upfront from the beginning of what he wanted and wouldn’t harbor any ill feelings if they refused to sleep with him afterward. He tried to be gentle with everyone who ever tried to pursue something serious with him.

It wasn’t well known across campus that Jaehyun and you were a couple, which confused him at first. He didn’t know why both of you kept it under wraps. If he was dating you, he’d make sure to broadcast out to the entire city. You were one of the sweetest girls he’s ever met. You weren’t stuck up or mean to anyone. He didn’t think you were aware of it, but you and he were in the same department. While you were in the Child Studies department only for a minor, he had it for his major so he spent quite a bit of time in the building. Xuxi would often see you helping out underclassmen who were very clearly overwhelmed, sharing your notes to classmates, and talking to the professors as if they were your friends. He liked seeing you brighten up the department every time you walked in.

To add the cherry on top, you were stunning. Immediately a heat curled up in his stomach when he thought about how good you looked. God, he would’ve been blind to not see how utterly gorgeous you were. Those long, toned legs and pouty lips had him captivated since day one. As well as those big, wide doe eyes of yours that gave you an innocent look when he knew you were the complete opposite.

“Hey man, how were the new soccer recruits? I swear the only times I’ve seen you in the house were when you came back tired and hungry,” Jaehyun laughed, oblivious to the growing tension in the room.

The two of you broke eye contact as Jaehyun went to give Xuxi that stupid one-armed hug boys do. You felt your entire face flush and looked at the floor while you wallowed in the embarrassment of knowing Xuxi knew you and Jaehyun had a messy breakup.

You went back to counting shoes or at least pretending to. Frankly, you had no idea what the hell it was that you were doing before Jaehyun walked in, but you were damned sure that was the last time you opened your fat mouth like that ever again at work.

“_____, you miss me?” Xuxi said.

What.

The hell is he saying, you thought.

Bracing yourself, you turned around to face him. They had moved closer to the wall with Xuxi leaning against it like he owned the damn place.

“Um. Yes,” you blinked.

Xuxi smirked at you and walked up to you. You tensed up and subconsciously held your breath for whatever his next move would be.

“C'mon don’t be like that, baby, “Xuxi said. He walked up to you and put an arm around your shoulders, “I missed you. Thought about you every time Coach let me take a break.”

You flushed at the endearment but made no move to refuse his arm. Or correct him. You had no clue what he was playing at but a guy as hot as Xuxi was calling you baby, so you didn’t have an issue with it.

You scowled up at him, “Shut up, lying ass. I heard your Coach rarely ever gives you guys breaks. Last time I heard the admin ladies talking about how some kid’s mom was threatening to sue.”

“Well that story is true,” he said grinning down at you, “but I’d never lie to you. Not to my favorite girl.”

You felt yourself blushing again at him calling you baby and for the way he was looking down at you. With him that close to you and looking down with that smile of his, you’ve never been more aware of how handsome Xuxi is.

“Oh, and Jaehyun? I heard Manager was looking for you out on the floor. Apparently, you’ve been gone for too long,” Xuxi said, giving him a smile that Jaehyun knew was strained.

Jaehyun clenched his jaw. He didn’t like the way you got all shy around Xuxi or the way your entire demeanor caused him to do a double-take. He’s seen you like this before.

It was the way you were when you used to be in love with him.

“You should get going, Jaehyun. The manager isn’t in a really good mood today. She gave me an attitude for not having the size some kid wanted. Does she not know by now that we always sell the Converses early?” you said. You rolled your eyes and continued ranting, blissfully unaware of the tension growing between the two boys.

Jaehyun saw Xuxi’s hand almost brushing your breast and could tell you either had no clue, or used to it by now.

“Yeah Jaehyun, better hurry,” Xuxi said innocently.

“Fine. But, _____,” Jaehyun walked up to you with a determined look on his face. He grabbed your wrist and gently yanked you out from under Xuxi. “I just want to talk to you. Give me just one opportunity and you’ll never see me again, okay? You already know about the party at Theta Chi. Promise me you’ll go?”

You nod. You were staring at him with a flustered look that made his heart ache.

Jaehyun leaned down to whisper, “Go look for me there, okay? Just one last time, please.”

His lips brushed against your ear before he quickly walked away. You were left stumbling for the words to reply with when he just left.

What the hell was that?

Clearing your throat, you turned around to face Xuxi who was leaning against the wall, again. This time though he had his arms crossed and was staring at the door Jaehyun exited out of. When he heard you, he directed his blank gaze to you.

There was a brief silence that felt oddly tense to you.

What the fuck was this kid’s problem, you thought.

You raised an eyebrow at him when it was clear he was just going to stare at you with a bitchy face and that made you on edge. Especially since you didn’t put in an effort to look good today

“What?,” you snapped, “Do I have something on my face?”

He didn’t reply to you right away. He searched your face for a bit until he pushed himself off the wall and walked up to you.

One of his hands comes up to your chin and grabs it gently, forcing you to look up at him. Your breath immediately stilled at his touch. His hands were so warm and so big that you were willing to bet they were bigger than your face. You tried to distract yourself with that thought so you wouldn’t focus on how insanely gorgeous he was up close, but that didn’t settle well with him.

He squeezed you so gently that you almost didn’t feel it, but you did.

When you met his gaze, he finally spoke.

“You good?” he asked. You could feel his breath tickle your lips. You were so captivated by his own lips being that close to yours that you didn’t answer until he squeezed you again. You nodded as a reply, too dazed to actually talk.

He gave you a grin and continued, “Don’t look for Jaehyun, okay? I got you. Whatever it is you need or want, I got you for it. Not him.”

You stared up at him with a surprised and innocent look on his face that only served to make him want to wreck you.

Xuxi still had a grip on you, “Good girl. I’ll come looking for you. You don’t need to go after anyone. I’ll do it. You understand me, right? You get what I’m saying?”

You avert your gaze as the words he said made you feel things that far too inappropriate for the workplace.

It had been so long for you, evident in the sudden dampness you felt between your legs that came right after he called you a good girl.

“That’s good. Of course my girl understands, you always do so good in everything. Now I’m gonna go back out there and do my job. Remember what I said, okay?”

Xuxi lets you go but of course he doesn’t do it simply. Of course he doesn’t. Simple isn’t in this man’s vocabulary. This man just had to call you a good girl and his girl in the fucking storage room at work. He just had to drag his hand down and let it trace the hollows of your throat first before stepping back and walking away from you.

You let all the tensions you didn’t know you had out of your body as you sink into the only chair there is. You don’t think about what could happen at work that much, or at all really, but you for sure never saw Huang Xuxi making you wet while on the job.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

btw the xuxi in this is xuxi during the beginning of super m promos... u know... with the nice glowing brown skin and light brown hair.... whew...

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c: