#and I don’t know. there’s a wrestling I always feel internally between my (very great) desire to be liked

[uwuwriting]

Incompatible ships w/ Todoroki, Kirishima, Bakugou and Midoiya

Request: hii! i love ur posts so i thought why not request ajbakaha,, can i ask for todoroki, kirishima, bakugou, izuku getting jealous bc their s/o is getting shipped with another student :D (it can be their relationship is still a secret or smth) btw i love your posts!! it's free serotonin!! 😽😽- anonymous

Secret relationships are my favorite trope. This and friends to lovers. I live for these types of fics. Random fact, my allergies are acting up bc I helped take down the Christmas decorations and now my hands are on fire. Love ya. 💖💖💖

masterlist II rules

warnings: fluff, minor suggestive themes not something major though

Todoroki Shouto

-Things like jealousy are a rare occurrence in your relationship. 

-Todoroki is the type of boyfriend who trusts you blindly and would put his own life in your hands without a single hesitation. 

-Sometimes it bothers him how other people effortlessly flirt with you but he knows that nothing will come out of it no matter how much they chat you up. 

-He knows you can handle yourself and get out of  a situation if things start getting out of hand. 

-And if you can’t, he will butt in glaring down at the person who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

-Everyone around you seem to believe that the two of you are really close friends; none of them have caught a whiff of your relationship and you are proud of yourselves. 

-I mean it is pretty hard keeping so many romantic milestones hidden from your friends. 

-But alas you both knew that keeping all of this to yourselves would be for the best. 

-Now, we all know that the girls of your class drool over any remotely romantic interaction you have. 

-Same goes for everyone actually. 

-Oh Kirishima held the door open for you the other day?? I can see a new ship sailing. 

-Sero helped you pick up your stuff when you bumped into a wall? Your knight in shining armor. 

-Really any sort of kind gesture was interpreted as romantic interest at this point. 

-The worst part of it all was the ship they had created and have been simping over for the past three months. 

-You had managed to create an unexpected friendship with Monoma from class 3-B. 

-The agency he interns in is right next to yours so you take the same train and then walk to almost the same building every single day. 

-You see him during patrol, the pro heroes you work under have paired up once or twice so a friendship was inevitable. 

-So imagine the surprise on your classmate’s faces when Monoma began waiting for you outside the 3-A dorm building.

-Mina wouldn’t shut up about how cute you two were together and what a perfect match you made. 

-Soon enough the other idiots joined the party and you were drowned in ‘awwww’s and ‘love story in the making’s. 

-You got tired of explaining that he was just a friend, that you weren’t interested in him. 

-The fact that you could feel Todoroki’s gaze burn through your back didn’t help at all. 

-Your boyfriend had asked you about Monoma because he too found it weird how he waited for you everyday. 

-The boy’s presence didn’t bother him at first. 

-He was lowkey grateful that you finally had company on your way to the agency considering he couldn’t walk with you since his building was in the opposite direction. 

-It started becoming a problem when all he could hear during the breaks was the stupid ship name the girls had created. 

-He could see how visibly uncomfortable it made you and how you would seek for his gaze during those moments. 

-Then they started talking about how cute your kids would be and that’s when Shoto had enough. 

-It’s one thing hearing about how cute your girlfriend would be with someone else and it’s completely different when you hear about their potential offspring. 

-Grabbing your wrist he basically dragged you out the classroom and into an empty hallway, pinning you to the nearest wall before connecting his lips with yours. 

-You let a surprised gasp which gave him the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth and deepen the kiss, making you grasp onto his shirt as your knees gave out. 

-After what felt like an eternity he let you go for air before attacking your jaw, neck and collarbones. 

-Soon those soft kisses turned into little love bites. 

- “Sho you’re gonna leave a mark.” 

-Releasing your skin from between his teeth, he admired the reddish hickey he had left at the base of your neck. 

-He was sure your shirt’s collar could cover it up just barely. 

- “That’s the point, love.” 

-Intertwining your fingers, he led you back to class, going to his seat with a proud smirk on his lips leaving a very flustered puffy-lips-messy-haired you in his wake. 

Kirishima Eijiro 

-Kiribaby is not the jealous type. 

-Like only if you give your undivided attention to a puppy and you smother it with all your love and affection then maybe, just maybe, he will pout a bit and ask for his own fair share of love. 

-He trusts you just like Todoroki does.

-Nothing has ever happened to suggest that he should worry about others stealing you from him so he doesn’t worry. 

-Plus you are always together no matter what. 

-Almost everyone from your class knows that you are together so the shipping doesn’t start from them. 

-Oh no.

-It starts from class 3-B who has seen you talk to Tetsutetsu quite a bit this past few weeks. 

-You might wait for him outside their classroom during lunch breaks. 

-They have caught you hanging out outside of the school grounds. 

-So the only logical explanation they can come up with is that you two are either A) dating or B) have a thing for each other and are getting there. 

-Soon enough rumors start circulating. 

- “Did you know that someone from the hero course is dating that metal guy from class 3-B?”

- “Yeah yeah I heard it’s that girl Y/N. They do look really cute together, not gonna lie.”

-Eventually these rumors reach Kiri’s ears and they kinda get to him.

-He knows that you haven’t been hanging out extra with Tetsutetsu since every time you guys go out he is always with you. 

-You are the type of couple who does everything together, literally. 

-Apart from being in different agencies ya’ll are holding hands almost 24/7.

-So he really doesn’t get what everyone is talking about. 

-Mineta doesn’t help. 

-He really doesn’t. 

-He starts making scenarios about what you do while Kirishima is out of the dorms; how you have wrapped both homies around your finger and toying with them. 

-Oh the very vivid scenes he creates with all three of you in a…. compromising position. 

-Kirishima hates that most of all. 

-The words coming out of Mineta’s mouth disgust him to no end and soon enough he is walking to your dorm ready to talk this through. 

-Opening the door you greet your boyfriend with a smile and a quick peck but you immediately know what is on his mind. 

- “Baby what are we gonna do?” 

-You basically whine at the question. 

-He spends the whole night at your dorm brainstorming ideas until you both pass out on your floor. 

-And your solution to the problem? 

-Ignore the whole thing and continue on with your lives. 

-He suggested maybe leaving a mark somewhere *like our boy Sho* but you shot him down saying that they would just think Tetsutetsu did it. 

-After Monoma catches you in your classroom making out on your desk though the rumors soon die out. 

Bakugou Katsuki

-Crazy boom boom boy. 

-Your relationship is a secret because he doesn’t want to deal with all the other idiots gushing over your relationship and getting all up in your business. 

-Your relationship is a sacred thing he has sworn to protect and he won’t let Mineta’s ugly ass hands get anywhere near it. 

-Gonna taint it even with his thoughts. 

-Guard dog Bakugou bark bark. 

-It’s fairly easy to maintain a secret relationship with him. 

-Sure he might be a tiny bit calmer with you and maybe just maybe his eyes linger on you during training but yeah he treats you just like he treats all the other extras he is surrounded by. 

-Now, Bakugou is kinda *read a lot* jealous in general. 

-He doesn’t like when people he doesn’t fully trust or like, talk to you or are close to you. 

-He has butted in on your conversations with Todoroki one too many times and the poor crispy baby is so confused like why are you like this? 

-I just want the chemistry notes please let me get them in peace for once.

-You have chastised him about that manier times but your resolve melts when he pouts *YES HE POUTS AT YOU RWIHPWIE* before wrapping his strong arms around you. 

- “I just don’t wanna lose you, dumbass.” 

-You can barely make out his words as his face is buried in your stomach but you heard him and now you are tearing up at the pure emotion he is showing at these moments. 

-At the end of the day though, he trusts you. 

-He may not trust the other horny extras around you but he fully trusts you. 

-There’s no doubt about that. 

-You can imagine ,though, the instant rage he felt when he heard the girls talking about you and Deku. 

- “They do make a great couple.” 

- “Have you seen how they look at each other?” 

- “Good for her, Deku is perfect boyfriend material.” 

-First of all, how dare you, second hold the fuck up…..when did this become a WhoRe hOuSe?!?!?!?!  

-Legit someone has to shake him out of his stupor after that one. 

-You look at Deku in a certain way? 

-Fucking DEKU?!?!?! 

-THoughts are swirling in his mind almost pouring out of his ears when he hears the voice. 

-That annoying ass voice that he has engraved in his brain since childhood. 

-And the moment his eyes land upon Deku and you speaking, he sees red. 

-He is pouncing on Deku in -5 seconds, the poor green haired boy completely unaware of what hit him, literally. 

-They are on the floor wrestling on another, you screaming at Katsuki to stop and get his shit together while your boyfriend is spewing curse after curse at the OFA user simultaneously asking what the hell he was doing with HIS girlfriend. 

-Aizawa had to break them up. 

-They both got detention even though Deku did literally nothing. 

-Katsuki was denied cuddles for a whole week and he was set on explaining duty now that the cat was out of the bag. 

Midoriya Izuku 

-Izuku is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. 

-He is loyal, shows emotions, is good at communicating with you, has incredible date ideas although he is kinda forgetful at times and his packed schedule doesn’t leave enough time to spend with you, at least not as much as he wants, but he always tries to make up for it in other ways.

-You love how much trust he puts in you. 

-You couldn’t be more grateful. 

-But Izuku has his insecurities. 

-At times it becomes hard for him to understand why exactly you’ve chosen him to love when you could have anyone you wanted in this school. 

-He can’t wrap his pretty little head around the reason why you stay with him when the only thing you get out of all this is others saying you deserve better than some crybaby. 

-It has become his mission to prove to you that he isn’t what others say he is; he isn’t some crybaby, he is a hero in training who won’t hesitate to risk his life for you. 

-You have reassured him multiple times that you don’t care what others say.

-You fell in love with him, him and all of his flaws. 

-No one told you that you should fall for him and no you didn’t agree to date him out of pity. 

-Most of the time you manage to erase those thoughts from his mind replacing them with the warm feeling of your love.

-But there comes a time when no matter what you say, the words of other people will get the best of him and it will be a struggle to build himself back up. 

-He is thankful to have you by his side during those moments because then he truly feels weak, he feels helpless, he knows these things shouldn’t bother him. 

-He loves you and you love him end of story, but they do get to him. 

-One of the worst times he questioned if he was good enough was during your third year. 

-Being in the support department you couldn’t be by his side 24/7 but you did always manage to see him during breaks to the point the whole class knew you and slowly became your friends. 

-The thing is they thought you two were also friends; neither had ever mentioned your relationship and things felt so comfortable between you that they assumed that you were really close friends. 

-Izuku had suggested keeping your relationship on the down low; him being in the hero course and having created rather the reputation, he was afraid that you would be dragged into something dangerous. 

-Plus All Might advised you two to keep it a secret and All Might’s words are law. 

-Izuku loved how well you got along with his friends, it meant that when he revealed your relationship they would all welcome you with open arms. 

-What he didn’t expect though was for them to start shipping you with someone else. 

-For some weird reason the girls of his class started obsessing over your interactions with Bakugou and soon after that they started trying to get you two alone in the same room, much to your dismay. 

-In reality, Bakugou was the only person who knew about your relationship. 

-He had ran into you as you were leaving Izuku’s dorm room, catching you two kiss goodnight. 

-Bakugou, as much as he disliked Izuku, would never get in the way of your relationship and he hated this ship shit as much maybe even more than you did. 

-Izuku was ready to crawl into a whole and die. 

-You had to stay in his room for almost a whole month to calm him down completely, him flying you to your own building in the morning so you don’t get in trouble. 

-It was a difficult time aand his classmate’s comments didn’t help one bit. 

-The tipping point was when he overheard Mina devising a plan of setting you guys up. 

-He walked down to the common room the next day with you next to him, hands intertwined, a hickey barely visible under the hem of HIS shirt, shocking everyone in the vicinity. 

-A new ship was created *after they harassed you for answers*

TAG TEAM AY:

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[redgillan]

Under Pastel Skies - 10

Sugar daddy!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Modern!AU Bucky doesn’t need anyone, especially not a sugar baby. He isn’t that desperate… but she smiles so sweetly and she’s endearingly awkward, and he’s so lonely. She’s an artist, a painter, the type of person who always puts others before herself. Throwing caution to the wind Bucky offers her a place to live, a place where she can finally paint whatever her heart desires. He doesn’t need much in return; a friend, a muse.

Word Count: 6,179

Warnings: nothing new

A/N: Hey it’s me, daddy! ...well apparently. I really gotta take a chill pill... these chapters are getting way too long. But anyway, I hope you enjoy it, my babies are soft and sensitive :’) Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate it!

Wannabe sugar daddies don’t interact, idc if you have money, eat it and leave me be.

You looked around the bar while you sipped your drink, a 12 dollar grapefruit juice and club soda cocktail. There weren’t many people at one in the afternoon, mostly suits and wealthy tourists, though you half expected to find Natasha hiding in the back with a hat, a large pair of sunglasses and an unfolded newspaper.

From the rug to the chairs and armchairs, everything was either black or white. You ran your index finger over the intricate calligraphy on the back of your chair. It was a number: 5.

Turning back around, you glanced at the clock and mentally cursed yourself for always being so early. You hated being late, and arriving less than ten minutes early counted as late in your book. You were nervous to see Wanda after all this time.

You hadn’t been expecting her to stay at a hotel on the Upper East Side. You wondered how she could afford it, but decided it was none of your business.

“I had a feeling you’d be here already.” That familiar voice brought back fond childhood memories and other not so pleasant memories. “You’re always early.”

You didn’t move a muscle as Wanda took a seat next to you, number 6. She signalled the bartender and ordered a latte. Meanwhile you played with your straw, trying to subtly steal a glance at her.

“What did you do to your hair?” you asked with a grimace, turning your body toward her.

Without looking at you, she raised her brows in mild exasperation. “I dyed it.”

“It’s orange.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I get it. You’re angry with me.”

“Oh,” you drawled out. “I’m well past angry. I was angry four years ago, now I just don’t care anymore.”

“You don’t care about me anymore?”

“No, and it’s not like you cared about me, or Scott, or Okoye.” You paused. “Or mom.”

Wanda had a shocked look on her face as she finally met your eyes. “That’s low. You have no idea-”

“No, you have no idea what it was like to live in that house after you all left. You have absolutely no idea,” you said, enunciating each word between your teeth, “because you weren’t there, because you left us –you left me. Six years, Wanda.”

She looked away and you saw her bottom lip quiver. She clenched her jaw and took a small sip of her latte. You instantly felt bad for snapping at her. You didn’t like confrontation. Hated arguing. You internalized. It was difficult for you to acknowledge that you had a right to express your feelings.

“I, uh,” Wanda said, then cleared her throat. “I knew you weren’t going to welcome me with open arms, and I know what I did was wrong, but I’d like us to be a family again. If it’s not too late.”

“It’s not too late,” you said with a small sigh. “But I’m not going to instantly forgive you just because you’re back.”

“I know.”

“What made you come back?”

She fiddled with her fingers in her lap and you noticed the ring on her fourth finger. It was a beautiful vintage-inspired ring made of black rhodium with an ornate cadenza halo in the centre.

A terrible thought occurred to you, making your stomach twist painfully. You didn’t know her at all. Not anymore. You had missed so much of your sister’s life. Or more accurately; she had cut you out of her life, and it was painful.

“I went to London,” Wanda said, unaware of your inner turmoil. “I saw Uncle Michael. He asked me if I was here to see mom, and I said, ‘No, mom’s in New York.’ And then he told me-” she tilted her head to look at you “-he told me mom was sick, that you and Okoye put her in a nursing home not far from his apartment. I didn’t believe him, so he took me to mom and she-” She paused, staring straight ahead as if she was caught in the memory

“She looked at you like she didn’t know you,” you said, knowing exactly where the story was going because it had happened to you too.

“Yeah,” Wanda breathed out, tears in her eyes. “I never felt so alone. They told her I was her daughter, but she didn’t recognize me. She kept asking Uncle Michael who I was, then she got mad because she was adamant she never had children.”

“I know,” you said sympathetically.

“I wanted to see you and apologize for not being the sister you deserve. For not being here when you needed me most.”

“Where were you all this time?” you asked, practically begged for an answer.

Her shoulders tensed and she straightened up in her seat. “Just travelling.”

“I know, I got your postcards.” You nodded toward the engagement ring on her finger. “I guess I should say congratulations.”

“Mhh,” she said running the pad of her thumb over the diamond. “It’s funny I never thought I’d fall in love and get married. I don’t need a man in my life to make me feel whole. Mom raised us alone, we’re independent and strong.” A small smile graced her lips. “But I found someone sweet and charming, someone who makes me feel safe and calm.”

“Are you writing your vows?”

“Har har,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes, a faint smile on her lips. You’d missed her, missed your banter. “You haven’t changed.”

“If you say so,” you said in a sombre voice. You looked at the clock above the bar. “Listen, I have to go but I’m happy you found someone. I’d like to meet him one day. I bet he doesn’t know about your Baby Spice phase.”

You jumped off the bar stool and picked up your jacket. Wanda turned in her seat, catching your wrist as you looped your purse over your shoulder.

“Can you stay a little longer?” she asked, looking at you with pleading eyes. “Just a minute.”

“Okay.”

She let go of your wrist. “Scott’s been released last month. I talked to him on the phone and asked him to fly to New York. He should be here tomorrow. I also talked to Okoye, I asked her to come here. We have things to discuss. I know things will never be the same, not after Pietro, not after mom, but we can try. We’re still a family.”

“Great,” you replied. Your word came out with more force than you had intended, but you didn’t apologize. They were all coming back for Wanda but when your mother needed help, you were all alone.

“Yeah,” Wanda whispered, her eyes cast down. “I was thinking we could all meet up for dinner. Okoye’s bringing her boyfriend so if you... if you have a partner-”

“I’m single.”

“Oh, uh, you can bring Natasha if you want.”

“No, thanks.” You reached into your purse and pulled out one of your business cards. “Text me, okay? I really gotta go.”

She smiled as she read your card. “You’re an artist? Splotchy, I’m so proud of you!”

That damn nickname... “I still haven't found a gallery. Not many people want to represent an unknown artist but I’m not giving up.”

“You never give up,” Wanda said with a gentle smile. “That’s why I love you.”

You took a cab to Natasha’s apartment. It had been three weeks since Sam moved to D.C., and Nat was having a hard time finding a job in her field.

She didn’t want to find another sugar daddy. It seemed ridiculous since she was still carrying a massive torch for Sam. She had saved enough money to live on until she could find a job and a new place to live.

“I’m officially done,” she grumbled in lieu of a greeting. “Job hunting sucks. New York sucks. Life sucks.”

“Pretty bold statement.”

You entered the apartment and plopped down next to her on the sofa. With a groan, she wrestled out of her blouse and threw it on the floor, leaving her in a simple white spaghetti-strap shirt and a pair of black trousers.

“I hate wearing a suit.”

“You look good in them.”

“I know,” she cried out. “I hate wearing suits when it’s all for nothing. I’m not the boss, I’m no one. Just another doofus with a college degree standing here like-” she cupped her hands together, as if she was holding a bowl, and looked at you with a pout. “Please, sir, I want some more.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t get the job,” you said, biting back a laugh. “I would hire you for that spot on Oliver Twist impression.”

She laughed. “I think I lost my fire. People used to be scared of me. Remember? I miss that.”

“You’re a psycho,” you snorted, using her shoulder as a pillow. “If it’s any consolation, Bucky’s terrified of you.”

“Good.”

“Hey!”

She pressed her cheek against the top of your head and sighed. You stayed in that position for a few more seconds before you told Natasha what had happened with Wanda. She offered to go with you to your family gathering but you insisted you wanted to go alone.

“I gotta go,” you said. “Bucky’s taking me to dinner.”

“Oh,” she cooed, “is he finally going to propose?”

“That’s very funny,” you deadpanned. “I was starting to feel cooped up in our apartment so we decided to go out. Have fun, y’know.”

“Our apartment,” Natasha repeated with a lopsided smirk before she burst into a fit of giggles.

“Whatever,” you grumbled, embarrassed.

“That’s cute.” She pinched your cheek and you batted her hand away. “You should talk to him.”

“Don’t start.”

“What? I’m just saying-”

“Natasha,” you cut her off. “Stop asking me to talk to him. It’s not going to happen, and it’s giving me so much anxiety. You couldn’t talk to Sam, what makes you think I can talk to Bucky?”

She looked at you for a long moment. “I know you love him.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, considering. You had never really been in love before but falling in love with Bucky had been so easy. And it was particularly scary because you had never been in a relationship, only flings.

“I do,” you admitted quietly. Saying it out loud was both freeing and terrifying.

“Don’t lose him.”

You knew Natasha missed Sam, she’d told you about it, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who let others see her pain. She confided in you and her friend, Clint, but other than that she rarely shared her problems with others.

Her bony shoulder was digging uncomfortably into your cheek so you shifted and let your head rest against her chest. She started playing with your hair. “Have you heard from Sam?”

“Not since he left,” she replied, then glanced down at you. “Have you?”

She tried to sound casual so you played along and acted like you couldn’t hear her heart jackhammering in her chest. “He called the landline the other day. Bucky wasn’t home so I answered.”

“The landline?” Natasha repeated with a scoff. “Your husband is old.”

“He asked if you were okay,” you said, choosing to ignore her comment. “You should call him.”

She stayed quiet for so long, you began to worry. You tilted your head to look at her, she had a faraway look in her eyes. You didn’t want to break her trance but she was starting to scare you.

You booped her chin and almost immediately a soft smile touched her lips. She cleared her throat, then checked her watch.

“You should go, you’re going to be late.”

“It’s okay,” you said. You couldn’t leave, not when she looked so sad. You knew Bucky would understand. “We can order some pizza, binge watch something on Netflix and go out for ice cream later. Like we used to.”

She laughed softly. “That sounds amazing. I kinda want to be alone tonight though, and Bucky’s waiting for you. I’m fine, I promise.” She looked down at you with a kind smile. “Rain check?”    

“Absolutely.”

With a heavy heart, you left Natasha and started walking to the restaurant. The clouds above you were low and dark, masking the setting sun. You smiled, remembering the day you and Bucky went to the park.

You had wanted to go paint outside but you got caught in a rainstorm on the way home. As rain poured down on the both of you, you caught Bucky’s hand and tried to run to the nearest subway entrance but he didn’t budge.

He stayed in the middle of the street, still holding your hand, and grinned at you while people rushed around you. His hair was plastered to his head, little rivulets of water running down his nose. He smiled at you, bright and playful, and you almost melted on the spot.

What’s the rush, sweet angel?

When you got home, you both changed into dry clothes and sat in front of the fireplace with a bowl of soup. He looked adorable with his slightly damp hair, a few big curls flopping down onto his forehead. When you started sneezing, he adjusted the blanket around you.

The next day, you felt a little feverish and Bucky took care of you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, checking your temperature. Your mother used to do that too. You doubted the accuracy of that little test but you couldn’t care less. It felt incredibly comforting. They should teach it in med school.

Bucky was waiting for you in front of the restaurant. The weather was warmer now, and you were pleased to see that his maroon bomber jacket was back. It was a rerun of the night you had met him.

“Hey you,” he said, dropping a quick kiss on your cheek. “How did it go with Wanda?”

“Good, I guess. It could have been way worse.” You paused to look at him. “You okay? You look a little nervous. We don’t have to-”

“I’m okay,” he chuckled, smoothing his hand down his jacket, lightly patting his pocket. “Shall we?”

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Promise me you’re not over-exerting yourself again.”

He stood in front of you, smiling kindly. “I promise.”

It had been a while since he had a panic attack, but they were always impressive and you couldn’t stand the thought of him trapped in his own mind, battling his demons alone.

You must have been silent too long because Bucky cupped the side of your face and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, angel. But I promise you, I’m fine. So what do you say? Wanna have dinner with me?”

You playfully rolled your eyes at him as he flashed you a cocky grin.

The restaurant was a quaint little place in Midtown with curved black leather booths lining the walls and simple cutlery. There were books everywhere, arranged neatly on the shelves along the walls. The place was well-lit, yet still cosy and calm.

Despite the hour, the restaurant wasn’t crowded. There was a couple, probably in their sixties, enjoying their meals together. Several people were eating alone, a book opened next to their plate, and a few others were browsing the shelves looking for something to read.

While you ate, you filled Bucky in on your conversation with Wanda. He didn’t interrupt you, he listened to you ramble on about how much you didn’t want to go to her reunion dinner.

“You can invite them over for dinner,” he said. You almost choked on your food. “Call me crazy but I think you’d feel more at ease if you were in a familiar environment.”

He had a point. You had no idea what that night had in store for you, and you definitely didn’t want to cause a scene in a restaurant. You weren’t one for airing your dirty laundry in public.

“I know that our... um, friendship is a little unconventional but I’d like to meet them.”

“Really? Wait,” you said, spotting a bit of tomato sauce on his chin. “You have something on your chin.” You reached over and used your napkin to wipe it away. “You eat like a wolf.”

“Mhh thanks.” He swallowed his mouthful of pasta and washed it down with a gulp of water. “To be honest with you, I’m a sucker for family reunions. I love watching people’s faces when they see someone they haven’t seen in a very long time.”

“I’m not sure it’ll be a happy one.”

“Well, then you could probably use some moral support,” he said. “And I’m curious if they ever gave you a silly nickname. Or maybe they’ll share some funny anecdotes.”

You stopped mid-bite and swallowed quickly, your eyes widening in fear. You couldn’t let that happen, Scott and Okoye would jump at the chance to tease you. “Oh, no, no, no! You are never meeting them.”

He laughed. “I bet you were a cute kid. I imagine you in some paint-stained overalls, hula hooping through the 90s, listening to the Spice Girls and watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of cereal or a plate of pancakes.”

“You’re not too far off.” You grinned.

“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” he said in a more serious tone. “But think about it, okay?”

Inviting your siblings and their partners over for dinner was a bad idea. You could already picture their faces upon seeing Bucky. It would turn into an interrogation, and it would be absolutely unbearable.

But then again, you didn’t think you could endure the reunion without him.

The waiter came over to collect your dirty plates and asked if there would be anything else. He recited the dessert specialties and you ordered something that sounded both extravagant and mouth-watering.

“I have something for you,” Bucky broke the silence between you.

You responded with a curious yet playful frown and a tilt of your head. He glanced down at the table for a second as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a slim jewellery box.

He placed it on the table next to his glass and let his fingertips linger on the lid, caressing it slowly as he hesitated. Then with a smooth flick of his wrist, he slid the box across the table. Your eyes flickered between the box and Bucky’s worried expression.

Inside the box, nestled in cream velvet, was a gold artist’s palette pendant with a delicate chain. The pendant had two paint brushes sticking out of the palette and four tiny stones representing the colours waiting to be mixed; ruby, sapphire, emerald and topaz.

It was incredibly tiny, about the length of two staples, but it made the details even more impressive. You could tell it was an old piece. There were light signs of wear and the design reminded you of the 1930s. It looked full of stories from previous owners. A testimony of love, passion and devotion.

“Oh,” you gasped as if all the air had been punched out of you. Bucky straightened up and jerked forward in his seat, his eyes round with anticipation. “Oh,” you repeated dumbly, at a loss for words.

“I saw it in the window of an antique shop on the way here,” he said.

That was a lie.

He had spent weeks searching for the perfect charm. He had a very specific idea of what he wanted to buy. Until one day, he found it. It reminded him of you; delicate, discreet, irreplaceable.

“Bucky,” you sighed, spellbound. “It’s... it’s beautiful.”

“It reminded me of you.” He met your eyes, smiled, and extended his hand in your direction. “Can I?”

Without hesitation you removed the necklace from its box and gave it to Bucky. After living with him for about six months, you knew there was nothing he couldn’t do. Even fasten your necklace with one hand.

He stood up and rounded the table, sitting next to you on the booth. You turned, giving him your back as he slipped the necklace around your neck. You held the pendant in the little dip between your collarbones at the base of your throat and let the ends of the chain dangle down your back.

“I noticed you haven’t been painting a lot since-” Bucky trailed off. Since you had a meltdown in your studio, since you realized your art was not good enough. Since you realized your dreams were too big to accomplish.

You looked over your shoulder and watched him fumble with the spring ring clasp. You couldn’t see what he was doing but he seemed entirely focused on the task at hand.

“Inspiration is a fickle thing, it comes and goes,” he continued. “I worry about you. You put too much pressure on yourself visiting galleries and trying to match their vision. I want you to remember who you are. You’re an artist. Never doubt yourself or your skills.”

He secured the chain around your neck and adjusted the necklace so that the little palette fell nicely above the neckline of your sweater. You stared at him wide eyed and amazed, and he smiled tenderly at you.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “I’ll never take it off.”

“My pleasure, angel.”

“I really love it but it’s too much,” you said as he returned to his seat. “I don’t want you to think I’m after your money. I’m so grateful for your help, you do so much for me already.”

“I know you’re not after my money, but it’s mine and I’ll spend it as I please. I know you like gifts with meaning. And all I want is to make you happy.”

“You want to make me happy?” you asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course, I do.”

It was a foreign concept to you, you could hardly comprehend it. He wasn’t your childhood best friend, he wasn’t your brother or your mother’s brother, and yet he wanted to be the one who put a smile on your face.

You weren’t used to random acts of kindness. You spent most of your life taking care of others, making sure they had everything they needed, you forgot what it was like to feel loved.

And it all became so much clearer.

You knew in your heart that your feelings for Bucky weren’t one sided. Not when he looked at you like that. Not when he touched you like you were the most precious thing in the world.

There was a mutual, yet silent, understanding between you. This is good. Let’s not make things complicated. Even though we both want to.  And you abided by that unspoken rule, not wanting to make things more complicated.

Your eyes were overflowing with tears. When a tear escaped, you felt it bounce on your cheekbone before it landed near your pendant. You rolled your eyes at yourself and smiled.

“Why am I always crying?” you said, laughing a little. “I’m not sad, I swear. These are happy tears.” Bucky’s smile was calm and sure. “Wait, I’m just gonna-” you trailed off, wiping the back of your hand under your nose with an embarrassed laugh.

“You’re beautiful.”

You lay in bed that night, replaying those three words in your head until you fell asleep.

It took you a couple of days to come to term with the realization that your feelings weren’t one sided. A little voice in your head tried to protect your heart, it said: Don’t get your hopes up. Remember what happened last time.

But that voice was quiet, almost too quiet to hear.

Against your better judgement, you agreed to invite your siblings over for dinner. All you had to do was call Wanda’s hotel and ask the hotel staff to pass along a message. Easy-peasy.

Well, in theory, because it turned out to be stressed depressed lemon zest.

There were things Bucky didn’t know about you and your family, things that you had intentionally kept from him. One of these things was your brother’s criminal record.

Bucky had asked you a few times what Scott did for a living and you always gave him the same rehearsed answer. “Scott has a master’s degree in electrical engineering but he’s between jobs at the moment.” It wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

You finally decided to tell him everything.

Scott was a thief. Before Cassie was born, and thanks to his computer skills, he used to steal from criminals and give back to those they had stolen from. He promised his wife, Maggie, that he would stop after Cassie’s birth.

He took up a job at VistaCorp but noticed that the company was overcharging their customers. Thinking that it was a coding error, he fixed it before his boss, Geoff Zorick, ordered him to change it back. It made him realize that the company was intentionally overcharging their customers.

He was fired soon after. Maggie begged him not to get involved, she begged him to think of his family but Scott didn’t listen. He broke into the company’s headquarters, hacked their system and redistributed the stolen money. Then he broke into Zorick’s house, stole a bunch of stuff and drove Zorick’s car into the pool.

He got five years.

Bucky was a little shocked but he took these new revelations well.

“People make mistakes,” he said. “He paid for his mistake, and not seeing his little girl for five years is punishment enough.” He bumped his shoulder against yours and grinned. “He sounds like a chaotic Robin Hood. I can’t wait to meet him.”

You chuckled. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Nope.”

“So... you’re not going to hide your valuables in a closet somewhere?”

“I would but I’m not sure you’d like to be stuck in the closet all night.” You rolled your eyes and huffed, thinking he wasn’t taking you seriously. He laughed quietly. “The only valuable thing I own is the bookmark my niece made for me, everything else is meaningless. And I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes.”

“You sound like Natasha,” you chuckled lowly. “But I’m glad you think that way.”

“That being said, they have a lot of apologizing and making up to do. They left you all alone. It isn’t right.”

You squirmed in your seat. “Argh, I don’t know. It’s in the past now, I don’t want to dwell on it. We were all miserable back then, and I’m not exactly blameless here.”

Bucky gave you a puzzled look. “You took care of your mom when she was sick, you sold your childhood home. You found your mom a nursing home where she gets the best treatment possible. You put your dreams on hold to pay her hospital bills. You did everything you could.”

“No, that’s not true,” you replied, biting your bottom lip.

You tried to find the courage to say it out loud. It was something that ate away at your soul. Your biggest mistake.

“I should have known something was wrong with her,” you said, rushing the words out. “At first she started misplacing things like her car keys, her glasses or the remote. She always had a good excuse, like was tired or stressed, but I should have known.”

“I misplace my keys all the time, angel. Sometimes it doesn’t mean anything. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“She’s my mom, I’ve known her all my life. I should have noticed something was wrong. If I had, maybe she’d still be with us, living in our old house.”

“C’mere,” he said, extending his arm toward you. You didn’t hesitate, you abandoned your seat on the sofa and wrapped your arms around him, your face buried in his chest. “I understand why you feel that way,” he said, stroking your hair. “But you did everything you could. You didn’t fail her. Alzheimer is... well it’s a sneaky disease. There are a lot of things we don’t understand. It’s unfair to blame yourself for something completely out of your control.”

“Maybe,” you mumbled, your voice muffled against his shirt. “But it still hurts.”

“I know,” he cooed, his fingernails grazing your scalp. “I know, my angel.”

You stayed like that for some time, your cheek pressed against his shirt. You focused on the calm rhythm of his breathing and tried to match it. He gently ran his fingers up and down your back, calming you almost instantly.

You were terrified to see your siblings again. Despite Bucky’s reassuring words, a part of you still believed that you could have done more to help your mom, and you were afraid your siblings would feel the same.

“It’s going to be okay,” Bucky said, seemingly reading your thoughts. “I won’t let them belittle your efforts.”

The next day, you called Wanda’s hotel and left a message with the receptionist. Wanda called you back a few hours later, saying that she would love to have dinner at your place instead of going out.

She sounded surprised, and you could tell she had a lot of questions, but she knew she wasn’t in your good graces yet so she simply told you that she couldn’t wait to see your apartment and spend the evening with you.

Meanwhile Bucky was having some sort of nervous breakdown.

A few days before the party, he started to obsessively clean his apartment. Every single room had that distinctive lemony scent, his homemade disinfectant, except your room. It was still a line he refused to cross no matter how strong the urge might be.

He often had those spells but they usually didn’t last more than a few hours. You could see the tears in his eyes and the disgust on his face; grimaces that had been triggered by the realization that he still couldn’t control his need to constantly clean and tidy. His OCD had been dormant, not gone.

You knew it was hard for him to meet new people. He had offered to invite your siblings because he knew it would make you feel more at ease. He didn’t care about his own needs. This man was willing to endure anything for you. How could you not fall in love with him?

You let him clean. You knew from past experience that it wasn’t something he could control and getting involved usually did more harm than good. You made sure he knew you were there and that you were not judging him in any way.

He felt so physically and emotionally drained afterwards that you simply held him in your arms until he fell asleep.

On the day of the party, you were chopping dried apricots in the kitchen while Bucky was making sure the chicken pieces weren’t sticking to the bottom of the pan.

You had wanted to order dinner from the restaurant down the street, and Bucky wanted to cook. You told him that cooking a meal for seven people was pretty stressful but he simply shrugged.

“I can do it, angel.”

“I know but you don’t have to do it.”

“Yeah, I do,” he replied with a sad smile.

You remembered him telling you that his ex-girlfriend often babied him in front of her friends and that it always made him feel weak and pathetic. He wanted to prove himself. He wanted to prove that, even with only one arm, he was able to cook a meal for an entire family.

“Okay, fine,” you reluctantly agreed. “But you’re not doing this alone.” He opened his mouth to protest but you raised your hand and touched a finger to his lips. “You can’t change my mind. I’ll be your sous-chef, and that’s final.”

So you ended up cutting vegetables for him. He made two tagines, one with meat and one with vegetables, in case anyone had any allergies or dietary restrictions.

Once the kitchen was spotless, you both went to your rooms to get ready for the night. It didn’t take you long so you checked on the tagines and waited for Bucky. The smell of harissa and coriander wrapped around you like a comforting hug.

You stole a dinner roll and checked the time on your phone. Nearly seven. A wave of anxiety rolled through the pit of your stomach. You took a deep, calming breath and decided to go check on Bucky.

As you reached the top of the stairs, you heard a deep, frustrated groan followed by a whine. Stifling a giggle, you tiptoed down the hallway towards his bathroom.

“C’mon, stay put or I’ll cut you!”

“Do you often threaten your hair?” you asked, leaning against the door frame. He gasped and jerked away from the sink. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Is everything okay?”

“I can’t do anything with my hair,” he complained. “I’m this close to shave the whole damn thing.”

You pushed yourself off the door frame and moved toward him. “Mhh, why not. A buzz-cut would make you look super dangerous.”

“You think so?” he frowned.

“Yeah,” you replied enthusiastically as you perched yourself on the counter by the sink. “A buzz-cut and a beard. Now that’s a look.”

He ran his hand over the dark stubble on his cheeks. “I already have the beard.”

“You’re halfway there.” You watched him consider what you were offering. “You know what, never mind. Your hair is too pretty to cut.”

“I should cut it though. It’s getting too long, I can’t style it.”

“Oh, poor you with your thick, fluffy hair,” you teased.

“It’s a gift, and also a curse,” he sighed with a whimsical grimace.

You laughed. “Come here, I’ll help you tame the monster on your head.”

He chuckled as he stepped between your parted legs. You took the hair dryer and a comb from the counter and started working on his hair. Despite its messy appearance, the comb ran smoothly through the strands.

“I think we need a safe word tonight,” you said while you worked.

“A safe word?” he repeated, confused. “Why would we need one?”

“Just in case,” you replied with a shrug. “I love my siblings but they can be quite a handful. So if you’re tired or if you feel overwhelmed, you just say the word and I’ll politely ask them to leave.”

“All right. Same goes for you.” He made a face. “What’s the safe word?”

“I don’t know,” you said, your eyes focused on his hair. “Flamingo?” You pulled back to look at him. “I saw an amazing documentary about baby flamingos the other day. See? It works.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, laughing. “Flamingo it is.”

You picked up his hair gel and applied some to his hair.

“There you go,” you said, smoothing the hair over his temples before sliding your fingers down the sculpted curve of his cheekbones. “Ready to break some hearts.”

It was a joke, but your voice came out breathy and small. Bucky didn’t say a word. He pressed himself closer to you, and you resisted the urge to wrap your legs around him.

He rested his hand on your thigh, then slid it from your thigh to your waist and lingered there for a few seconds. He gazed into your eyes for a moment; careful, cautious. You cupped his face between your hands, feeling the bristle on his cheeks against your palms. It was rough against your sensitive skin.

He slid his hand up your side, fingers passing over your ribs, and you let out a gasping sigh as he rested his hand over your heart.

“Did I break your heart, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice low.

“Just cracked.”

He cupped the back of your neck and massaged lightly while he looked at you longingly. He continued to stare at you as you moved your hands to his chest, feeling the strong thud of his heart beneath your palm.

“I-uh,” he started, then licked his lips. “Angel, I-”

The intercom buzzed loudly, awakening the two of you from your trance. Bucky took a step back and closed his eyes. You were glad you were sitting, because your legs felt unusually weak.

“You ready?” he asked, breathless.

You didn’t trust yourself to speak, so you nodded.

You followed Bucky to the kitchen and answered the intercom, giving Wanda the apartment number. Bucky busied himself setting the table, unable to look you in the eye. You didn’t know what to say.

Finally, he stopped moving around and faced you.

“Who am I tonight? Who do you want me to be?”

You had anticipated his question. After all it was a legitimate question to ask giving the nature of your relationship.

“Just you,” you told him. You were tired of lies and half-truths.

A knock at the door startled you.

You opened the door, your hands shaking uncontrollably. You couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of Wanda, Okoye and Scott standing in front of you, each with a bottle of wine. There were two men behind them, both looking extremely uncomfortable.

“Hey Splotchy, long time no see, right?”

Part 11

[andromedasstarship]

i could not choose between 77-80 so i overbearingly ask u to use each of them with spencer reid if u wish 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

80. “Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner.” + 77- “If you want to leave, we can leave.”

send a prompt + character from this list! 

pairing - spencer reid x gn!reader

warnings - stress?? mostly fluff 

a/n - tysm kenna for requesting this i love you and i loved writing this. i also went overboard on this one bye! ive also never posted something this long in an ask reply before so if this looks weird BYE!

Your car had long gone cold, but you still couldn’t find the energy to pull yourself out yet. It was futile to try and wrestle your emotions into a tightly sealed box; as soon as you crossed the threshold of the town-home you shared with Spencer, you knew he’d be able to read you like a book. Damn genius profiler skills.

Taking a quick look at the time you knew you had to suck it up and go inside; you were pushing how ‘late’ you could be without him worrying something had happened on your commute home. With a deep sigh, you grabbed your bag from the passenger seat and exited the car; taking your sweet time with locking the car behind you and digging your house keys out of the bottom of your bag.

To put it simply, it had been a difficult year. It was the final year of your Phd. program and while- all things considered- you had had an amazing time, the past few months had been both physically and mentally draining. What was once your lifelong passion had suddenly started to feel like a chore; a chore you felt you weren’t even good at anymore. Almost every day was spent either in your own classes or teaching undergrads. Almost every night was spent on the final edits of your thesis or grading work from your students. The few moments of freedom you found were spent doing the boring parts of adult life: housekeeping, getting your car fixed, calling elderly family members, etc.

Neither of you had formerly addressed it, but you knew it was taking a toll on your relationship. Spencer being busy was a constant, but it was normally balanced out by your typical 9-5 schedule. But recently, even on the nights he was home you’d be too wrapped up in your own work to even sit down and eat dinner with him. By the time you crawled into bed he’d be long asleep and in the mornings you’d been leaving for work earlier and earlier in order to get research time in at the university library. It felt like the two of you hadn’t even been awake in the same room for weeks, let alone do anything relationship-y.

Tonight was supposed to change that. Kind of. His team was having a fancy dinner to celebrate some major milestone that you couldn’t remember. It’d been on the books for months, but kept getting pushed back by surprise cases. It felt like everyone held their breath this week, waiting for a case to pop up, but instead everyone was left pleasantly surprised when no such thing happened. It was going to be a great night: classic Rossi pasta dish, all partners and kids invited. Even though the two of you wouldn’t be alone, it’d still be a perfectly good excuse to get out, put on some nice outfits and have a fun evening with friends.

Spencer had been particularly excited. The past week, you felt as if it was the only thing he ever talked about. Not that the two of you were having extensive conversations. He kept talking about how great it would be to get out of the house and how much he was looking forward to having a totally work free evening. His excitement warmed your heart.

Which is why you were taking so long to find your keys. Today had been one of the hardest day you’d experienced in a long time. The thesis meeting you had with your advisor- that you’d been staying up late every night editing for- had gone horribly; it was as if everything you prepared was wrong. Almost every student in the class you taught scored poorly on the latest assessment- on a unit you considered yourself an expert on-, something you viewed as a failure of your ability to convey the info. And to top it all off, even though you felt as if you’d spent hours upon hours working yourself to the bone the past week- in order to clear space for tonight-, you still felt as if you had piles of work to catch up on.

You knew the stress and tension of the day would read clear on your body as soon as Spencer got a look at you. And with how excited he’d been, you absolutely didn’t want to ruin the dinner. You’d hate for him to feel as if you were being selfish or that you couldn’t even prioritize him in your schedule.

You took one last deep breath, before going to put the key into the doorknob. Just as you touched the handle, the door swung open from the other side.

“Jesus!” You exclaimed, one hand clutching your chest as you nearly jumped out of your skin. In front of you was Spencer, smiling down at you with that irresistible grin of his.

“Did I scare you? Sorry. I thought I heard you car pull up earlier and when you didn’t come in I thought maybe something was wrong so I wanted to come check-”

You quickly cut him off- even though you did find his worrying a bit endearing- by pressing a quick kiss to his lips. 

“A good song came on just as I pulled in, couldn’t just get out.” You lied, adding a small laugh for effect. It was an on brand situation for you, something certainly believable. If Spencer had any doubts, he didn’t question you, simply moved out of the doorframe so you could step in.

Inside the house, you set your bag down by the front door like you always did. While kicking your shoes off, you pulled your jacket off, smiling when Spencer had his hands already open to hang it on the rack. You knew he had that ridiculous memory- and you had a pretty set routine-, but it still made your heart swell every time he anticipated your next move and went the extra mile to be helpful.

“So, how was your day?" Spencer asked, as the two of you made your way to the kitchen area. “What’d Professor Addams have to say in your meeting?”

You clenched at the handle of the fridge, grinding your teeth before pulling the door open. When you turned to look at Spencer, you saw he made himself comfortable on one of the countertop stools.

“Went well. They gave me some uh, um, some comprehensive revisions.” You said flatly, turning back to face the fridge; missing the skeptical look Spencer was throwing you.

“That’s good?” He said slowly, before adding, “well how was class? You just wrapped up the last unit didn’t you?” You both knew he knew the answer, but was just attempting to further the conversation. Had it been any other day you would’ve found it endearing, but today just wasn’t that day.

You slammed the fridge door shut, just hard enough to be cause for concern. “I thought tonight was absolutely no shop talk. Huh? Why don’t we just start that rule now.” You said, a slight edge to your voice. It’s not his fault, it’s not his fault.

“Are you okay-”

“Yes! I just don’t-”

“If there’s something wrong, you know you can tell-”

“There’s nothing wrong-”

“Do you need to stay-”

“Stop!” You exclaimed, bringing an end to the constant cutting each other off. “Everything is fine. Okay?” You said, unable to maintain eye contact.

Spencer slowly nodded, though you could tell he didn’t believe an ounce of what you had just said. Luckily for you, he seemed to let it go, falling back in his seat.

“I’m gonna go shower and get ready and then we can leave, alright?” You asked rhetorically. When he just nodded again, you very quickly walked up to him and pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

---

The ride to Rossi’s was silent, something that normally wouldn’t have bothered either of you had it not been for the borderline argument you had in the kitchen. As you pulled up a few cars down from the house, you caught Spencer staring at you from the passenger seat, a slightly concerned look on his face.

“Stop doing that.” You huffed out, but there was no real bite in your voice.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked gently, reaching out to push a piece of your hair away from your face. God that was sweet.

You quickly nodded and threw a very forced smile his way, not quite meeting his eyes. “I’m fine. I promise, come on.” You said, killing the engine and pushing open your car door.

Before you could fully open the door, Spencer’s arm shot out across your body and pulled the door back shut with a bang.

“Spencer!” You yelped, startled by his sudden movement. You turned and gave him a bewildered look.

“You always look over my head when you lie.” Spencer stated.

“Oh I do not-” You started, but letting the sentence fall flat as soon as you realized you currently were looking over his head.

“Your favorite song came on the radio, twice, on the drive here and you didn’t react at all either times.” He said. When you still didn’t say anything he continued. “What’s going on? You know you can tell me.”

The look he was giving you was making you feel all sorts of guilty. Of course he cared, that’s why you loved him so much. You just didn’t want to ruin something that’d been in the works for so long, all because you had a bad day.

“Spencer,” you started, giving him a very pointed look and making sure to hold eye contact, “I’m fine. Can we just go in?”

Spencer shook his head, externally searching your face for more clues while also internally thinking back to any clues from your kitchen fight. “We aren’t going anywhere, until you talk to me.” He urged.

It probably wasn’t the best move on his part, seeing as you both were incredibly stubborn. The two of you were unrelenting, both staring blankly at the other; hoping the other one would break first. After nearly 5 minutes of silence, it became very clear that neither of you were standing down anytime soon.

Spencer reached his hand out again, gently cupping your cheek; internally you cursed your body’s natural reaction to lean into his touch. “What’s going on?” He asked, voice much softer than earlier.

You were internally screaming over how caring he was. Damn him! You cursed yourself for not being able to just play the role of perfect partner for one night.

“I’m exhausted.” You said, voice quiet. “My meeting went horrible day. I absolutely failed at teaching my students the last unit. I’ve been bringing so much work back to the house I haven’t even been able to give you a second of attention. And now we have this dinner that you’ve been looking forward to for months and I don’t want to ruin-”

This time, it was Spencer that quickly cut off your rambles with a kiss.

“Do you want to leave?” He asked, as if it were the most simple thing ever

You gave him a shocked look. “Spencer, you’ve been talking about this dinner for weeks. I, I can’t ask you to put this off, you and the team rarely get time to-”

“If you want to leave, we can leave.” He said. His voice was so sincere it made the whole thing that much more difficult. He was too good.

“Spencer, no.” You said, putting special emphasis on the ‘no’. “We haven’t even walked in the door, there’s nothing to leave yet. I’m not going to ruin the dinner we’ve all been planning on for months. I’ll be fine for a couple hours.”

He didn’t answer, instead pulled his phone out and quickly started to type out a text.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Rossi, I’m gonna tell him you aren’t feeling well and we can’t come anymore.”

“We’re outside his house! It’s not a big deal-!

“Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner!” Spencer cut you off, giving you a very pointed look. You weren’t sure your heart could take the swelling much longer.

“Spencer, you’ve been planning-”

“I don’t want to hear it-”

“You’ve wanted to get out of the house for so long!” You stressed, giving him a ‘duh’ look.

“We can go do something else!” He replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Just us, no pressure to be ‘on’ in front of anyone else.” That did sound good- No!

“I’m not gonna be the one who keeps their boyfriend away from his friends-”

“I see them every day. Every day. One dinner means nothing.” Spencer said confidently, clasping your hand tightly between his.

You contemplated for what seemed like hours; though it couldn’t have been more than twenty seconds. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.” Spencer said, giving you a very mock serious look; you couldn’t help but laugh at that. “There you are.” He said, smiling to match yours.

You turned the car on, clicking your seatbelt back into place. “So, where to pretty boy?” You asked.

“Well, I heard of this new ice cream place that just opened up. Their ‘claim to fame’ is they make over 50 flavors in store every single day. Did you know on average it takes nearly three hours from start to finish to make a single batch of ice cream? Or that when ice cream-”

You shook your head in amusement, chancing a couple glances in his direction as you were driving. You loved his excited ramblings and animated hand motions as he further explained the history of ice cream; as well as all the random facts about the place he was directing you to. As you got closer to your new destination, all you could think about was how lucky you were to, to be loved by someone who always knew just what to say.

---

permanent tags - @sunflowersandotherthings

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips for Finishing Your Novel

April’s session of Camp NaNoWriMo is drawing to a close, and you might find yourself nearing the end of your novel. If you need some tips on writing and polishing the ending of your story, author Derek Murphy is here to share a few! Plus, you can check out the rest of our novel-finishing resources on our #NaNoFinMo page. 

You won NaNoWriMo and have a 50k collection of scenes and sentences, but how do you clean it up and get it done? How do you make sure it’s finished, satisfying and enjoyable? Here are 5 powerful strategies for finishing your novel and some helpful writing tips that will push you past the finish line.

1. Give it a satisfying resolution.

In order to have a powerful story, your book should probably focus on a main character’s change or transformation. There’s an inner war, a.k.a. the character’s emotional healing, and an outer war: the conflict that forced the reckoning. If it’s a purely symbolic internal realization, you can mirror that with actual conflict in the real scene: the breaking of a dish, a fit of rage, a sudden ray of sunlight (or a storm… this should not be pleasant; It’s a breaking point and spiritual death/rebirth).

You can clarify the moment of change by setting up an illustrative contrast, a before and after, that shows how those internal changes have resulted in real-world consequences or benefits. Each character’s unique challenge will match their personal weakness or fear. The price for victory is the one thing they have so far refused to do, or something they cannot give up or bear to lose.

Make sure your protagonist has gone through a transformative struggle to arrive at deep insights, knowledge or awareness. Find a way to deepen the incidental scenes so that they become instrumental to a deeper purpose, leading towards an identity-shifting event.

The plot is what happens, and it’s important. But you can make it more dramatic and meaningful by making sure you demonstrate how hard it was and what it cost. It matters, it is remarkable, because it forced your protagonist to change.

Your conclusion might include:

Physical tension as allies perform a tug-of-war battle against resistance, that shows how difficult this struggle is, and how much force is required.

The consideration phase, as characters are tempted last minute or the price for victory is revealed: the sweet memories that give them awareness that this fight is worth the cost or risk (you need to show them making the choice, knowing what they will lose).

The final flashback, as the full backstory is revealed so we can see exactly why this conflict is so difficult or meaningful for the main character.

2. Add (unresolved) conflict.

Your story is made up of the events and scenes, where something happens. Each new event will push the characters further into the plot. Slow scenes where nothing is really happening can be red flags, so the first thing to focus on is increasing conflict, drama, suspense and intrigue. This is what creates urgency. The full reveal, demonstrating why THIS challenge is so difficult and powerful, should happen just before the final battle or resolution.

You want to make sure every scene, especially in your conclusion, has enough conflict. I recommend these three:

Outer Conflict (threats): Challenges or obstacles that prevent the character from achieving goals.

Inner Conflict (doubts): Moral struggles, decisions, guilt or shame, anger.

Friendly Fire (betrayal): Strong disagreements between allies or supporting characters. 

You want to extend and deepen the potential conflict, without resolving it too easily. The biggest destroyer of conflict is conversation: when your characters just sit around and talk to each other. Most conflict involves a lack of information, and a desire for clarity. A lot of conflict is perceived or imagined.

The most important information needs to come last, and come at a great price. The information that has an emotional impact, and influences their actions and decisions, should be big reveals at dramatic peaks. A surprise or twist should be treated as an event: each scene is leading towards a change or new piece of information that provokes the protagonist to respond.

3. Fill plot holes with character motivation.

After you’ve made sure that “what actually happens” is intriguing (opening questions and raising tensions without resolving them) you can focus on making sure the plot holes are filled, and characters are properly motivated – these two things are usually adjacent.

You can find and fill plot holes by asking:

Why are the characters doing this?

Why does any of it matter?

Basically, readers need to respect the main characters enough to care what happens to them, so their choices and actions need to make sense within the given information. If there’s a simpler, easier solution, readers will get stuck up on “why didn’t they just…”? To fix plot holes and gaps in logic or continuity, or make the story go where you need it to, you can add urgency, fix the mood of the scene (bigger stakes require bigger justifications), show characters in a weakened mental state, or raise concerns but have them dismissed, with an excuse or justification.

You need rational characters to make plausible choices that lead to dire consequences. You need show why they don’t do something easier, or nothing at all, or why they face clear challenges, despite potential obstacles.

They’ll also require a deeper motivation, for why they’re willing to put themselves in identity-destroying conflict, rather than just giving up or running away. Why do they stay in THIS fight, when they’ve run from similar ones? If they weren’t ready at the beginning, why are the ready now – what changed in them, as a result of your story’s journey?

Your protagonist needs to have a strong, consistent internal compass, and it needs to be revealed through incidents that establish their character. This is who they are. Without this reliable core identity, we won’t be able to tell a story that forces them to change. 

4. Let readers picture your story with detailed description.

In the final stages of revision, you can begin improving the description with specific details.

It’s smart to start – or end – a chapter with a vivid, immediate scene. You want to leave readers with an image they can see in their minds, hopefully connected to the feeling you aim to evoke. You can close a chapter with a reference back to a motif or image, with a deeper or more reflective context; applying meaning to the metaphor. This will help readers feel engaged, be moved, and leave a lasting impact.

Vivid scenes are mostly a matter of detailed description, so add the specifics about the story environment. Be precise, not vague. Instead of “she put a plate of tea and snacks on the table” you can write “she gently placed an antique porcelain teapot on the table. I could smell it was Earl Grey from the scent of bergamot. The half-sleeve of Oreos and can of onion-flavored Pringles seemed incongruous with the fancy dishes, but I knew she was making an effort to welcome me.”

Focus on the sensations and feelings; but also zero-in on any potential sources of conflict or internal emotions or states of mind. In my example above, the host might be nervous or ashamed of her spread; or perhaps she has a degenerative brain disease and doesn’t notice the incongruity. Tensions are unspoken, potential sources of negative feelings. They hover in the background of your description.

Readers will remember the pictures you put in their heads, not the words on the page.

Description should serve and be bound to the story, not distract from it.

It should be squeezed into and around the scene action, when the protagonist is using or exploring.

Show what’s different, not what’s the same.

Leave space for readers to fill in the gaps, but get them started in the right direction so they aren’t surprised later.

Sidenote: be careful about your metaphors, analogies and similes. Each one will put a picture into readers’ minds, and it can quickly get overcrowded with imagery. You’re asking them to ignore your real scene and think of something else. Use them to confirm and amplify the scene you have, and limit distractions.

5. Prepare to publish.

Typos are bad, but perfectionism will ruin you. This section is about editing and proofreading, but I don’t have time for all that, and you don’t either. The real problem with a story is rarely the number of typos. A very clean book isn’t better if people stop reading.

You can solve a lot of common writing problems, with my big list of 25 common writing mistakes, and self-edit your manuscript to make it as good as possible. After that, a copyeditor or proofreader isn’t always the best investment (and it can also be the biggest publishing cost).

Instead, use an editing software (I like Grammarly) to root out obvious mistakes, but don’t dwell on the small stuff like perfecting every word or rearranging the commas. Spending a very long time wrestling a poorly-written manuscript in shape is less effective than getting something (actually) done to the point where you’re comfortable sharing it.

This may be difficult at first, but you can’t learn and improve without genuine reader feedback (from people who aren’t your mom or best friend; nor the short-sighted opinions of a self-proclaimed literature enthusiast). You need to find readers who enjoy your particular genre, and the sooner you find them, the more valuable feedback you can get.

Shorten the feedback loop: Get over the fear and focus on learning by getting feedback early and often. However, this doesn’t just mean joining a writer’s club: writers are brutal and might focus on trivial things. The safest bet is to make it public, on Wattpad at least. Or get a cheap cover and throw it up on Kindle, Draft2Digital or even your own blog.

Making it public is scary and vulnerable, but it’s better than letting the fear of messing up keep you from the brutal, necessary experience of allowing readers to tell you what they liked and disliked about your writing. Will some people be critical? Yes! But guess what, you’ll get negative reviews even if you’re a brilliant, famous writer. Those are inevitable. And the first negative reviews may teach you more about writing than 10 years attempting to self-edit, afraid of putting your book out into the world.

PS. You can use resources, like my 24-chapter plot outline, as a way to spot story gaps in your manuscript and improve the structure (especially if your book suffers from a “soggy middle.)

Derek Murphy has a PhD in Literature, writes urban fantasy and is the founder of the alliance of young adult authors. More recently, he’s started sharing writing tips on http://www.writethemagic.com

Top photo by Adegbenro Emmanuel Dipo on Unsplash.

[land-of-classpects-and-analysis]

The Rogue Class Analysis

When the word ‘Rogue’ is brought up, what is the first thing that comes to mind? A person who lives in the forest, cloaked in shadow, always on the run from authority? Someone who steals from the rich and gives to the poor, a bow and arrow always in their hand? A mysterious, brooding figure with a secret and mysterious backstory who hides their trauma behind a charming personality and slick, witty tongue? Perhaps something along those lines at the very least.

Now, there is some weight to the point that the Rogue is a figure almost as well known and cherished as the Knight. Across multiple pieces of media, there is often at least one way the Rogue and their legacy manifests. This could be as simple as the term “Rogue-ish Charm” being used, as Rogues are famous - or infamous - for having some of the most charming personalities; if only being challenged slightly by that of Bards.

In a way, this matter of fact can go for Classpects, as well - specifically Classes. However, the charm of a Bard is a discussion that will happen for another day. For now, let’s truly begin to focus on just who exactly the Rogue - or rather the people connected to it - is and how they act like. As mentioned before, Rogues are often figures cloaked in shadows and shrouded in mystery when it comes to media - and those connected with the Rogue Class are no different. They tend to be the ones who linger in the in-between of groups, never being truly in the spotlight, but rarely ever being fully shoved to behind the stage and curtains.

For some Rogues, this is a deliberate choice. Not wanting to be the main protagonist of their own story, but also never truly wanting to lose all control over their narrative. They often much prefer to play a supportive role - being one of the many support beams helping to keep up the rest of the group. However, that support can often only go so far before the Rogue realizes that they are at a grand risk. What risk, exactly? Why, the risk of their facade falling apart and their true self being realized.

As much as the Rogue may present themself to be a kind and loving individual, this is often an over-inflated part of their personality. That is not to say that they are cold or uncaring, but rather that the amount of effort they put into others is often far more than they normally would. Why they do this is often to hold up the other parts of their facade - specifically the ones that hide that the Rogue isn’t one who exactly knows what they are doing, or that they are as successful as they may present themself to be.

One of the biggest things Rogues love to brag about is how much of their Aspect they have. A Rogue of Doom may brag about how empathetic they are, perhaps a Rogue of Light speaks highly of all the knowledge they have, or a Rogue of Space talks so highly of themself and their calm, precise nature in battle. All of this confidence, all of these boasts about their greatness and triumph in their Aspect; all of these facades and characters the Rogue plays.

But, why? Why lie about something such as this? Aspects are such a deeply personal thing - a force rooted into our souls like the veins within our own bodies. To lie about having any connection to it is to create this false idea in everyone else’s head - the idea that the Rogue is someone far bigger and better than they really are. So, once again, the question is begged: why hide this truth away from everyone, even close friends, and instead craft countless frail facades?

The simple answer is this: the Rogue is ashamed, and they are scared. It could be argued that they are ashamed of being scared, especially for the Rogues who seemingly hold more power over others in their group, or who feel they must be the stronger and better person no matter their situation. Rogues are often selfless people, and are so quick to give away pieces of themself so that others may further their own growth. Oftentimes, they will convince themself that their own suffering will never truly be as bad as someone else’s. And so they continue to give, and give, and give to others.

It is because of this selfless nature that people tend to flock to the Rogue, and begin to lean on them for more and more support. The last thing a Rogue wants to be is a disappointment to the people around them, so they allow for this theft of themself to continue. However, deep down, the Rogue is scared of so many things. Scared of failure, disappointing others, never rising to their true potential - whatever that may be. But, most importantly, the Rogue is scared of their Aspect.

To be more specific, the Rogue is afraid of taking a hold of their Aspect - of finally stealing it away from where it is plentiful. To try and take hold of a force so abstract and flexible would be like attempting to wrestle eels coated in oil; near impossible, and extremely dangerous. For the Rogue, if they are to try and attempt to take hold of their Aspect too early, they risk losing a connection to it altogether. Many Rogues tend to be very spirited people, and as such are very quick to try and jump ahead of their Aspect-lessons as soon as possible. Sometimes this is out of a want to help people sooner, while other times it’s because they simply are bored and don’t want to be stuck with what is, essentially, Aspect Homework.

Whether Rogues realize it or not, they are people who have a lot going for them. The universe tends to have great plans for them, and it is shown in how they interact with the world and people around them. Rogues tend to have great influence on their surroundings, and sometimes can even become the catalysts for some rather important events around them. Although they may try to steer clear of being the center of attention, the spotlight still often manages to fully capture them every once in a while. When it does, then it is often a sign from the Rogue that their journey is about to take a rather interesting and unexpected turn. 

With that in mind, one of the biggest struggles the Rogue heavily internalizes is that they tend to underestimate themselves. They don’t think themself as anyone special, or of grand importance to the greater plot of the world around them. Instead, many, or even most, Rogues will see themself as just someone doing what they believe to be best. When faced with compliments in regards to the good things they do, they tend to be the type who get red-faced and try to brush it off with a small comment. ‘It was the right thing to do’, or, ‘I couldn’t just let someone/my friend deal with it on their own’ are two extremely common remarks made by Rogues.

As humble and selfless as Rogues may present themself to be, this deflection and internalized underestimation of themselves are some of the biggest things that prevent the Rogue from taking control of their Aspect. Humbleness does not always mean progress. Selflessness is not always harmless. By allowing for them to constantly be the one in a supportive role, they occupy themself with far too many side-quests that involve other people’s issues when, truly, they are meant to focus on their own journey and their own growth. Some say that a Rogue does all of these tasks, jobs, and quests so as to avoid even having to think of their journey - believing that if they keep busy, they will never have to answer to their Aspect’s call. For some Rogues, this is true.

Perhaps one of the reasons Rogues struggle so much with their journey is that they are not even sure what they are meant to do. Everyone around them has all of these distinct powers of destruction, manipulation, creation, and more; but what do they have? What are they? Who are they to the group, the world, or even the whole universe they dwell within? Their Aspect has been stolen from them so much that they often do not question it, or even try to fight it. Some Rogues may believe that this is their power; to have their Aspect taken from them by everyone and everything around them. A person so passive that they always seem to have some piece of their Aspect to give, despite never having lifted a finger to achieve it.

Little does the Rogue know that they are so very, very close to discovering their potential and power(s). It should be of no surprise to read that the Rogue is one who is meant to steal their Aspect, and that they have their own personal spin on it. For Rogues are those who not only steal their Aspect, but they give to those who are truly lacking in it - much like themself. Rogues are very rarely meant to keep whatever they reap from their sowing, instead giving it to the world and people around them. 

If the Rogue so chooses, they can keep some pieces of their Aspect all for themself. When enough of this force has been collected, they can then acquire the power of being able to steal through their Aspect. However, Rogues are those so often held back by their high morals, loyalty, and more, that very few even understand their first power of only stealing their Aspect. The thought of ever having to take something away from someone is oftentimes enough to keep a Rogue away from continuing their journey any further. 

Despite their selfless nature and alluring charm, Rogues are still those who tend to keep to themselves for the most part. Whenever a Rogue is in a conversation, very rarely was it them who started it. They tend to be those who believe that any conversation they start must have a purpose; uncommonly being one who enjoys mild chitchat and small-talk. If they are going to start a conversation, chances are it is because they have something deeply important and/or urgent to share with the other(s), or they merely prefer the company of whomever they are talking to.

It could be said that Rogues are those who much prefer to be approached rather than approach others. To an extent, this is extremely true; however, it should be said that this attitude is not one of being self-centered. Quite the contrary, actually, for they are someone who much prefers to let others speak first and for themself to speak last. They tend to be the one who listens to everyone else, whether it be wonderful news or the most devastating story to be told.

On the other hand, Rogues are those who tend to hide away all of their problems from everyone else; even if the very ship they are standing on is engulfed by flames. No matter what is happening in their life, they will be the person to put everyone before them. If anything, chances are that the more worst things the Rogue has been through, the more they are willing to help others around them. 

Helping has and always will be their biggest priority in life. Almost every action they do is to help someone they know and care for. There are only a few things in life that could ever change this part of the Rogue. They are lovers, not fighters. Although they are not a healer, their actions and motives tend to run nearly, perfectly parallel to that of a Maid or Sylph. On that same note, however, do not believe them to be completely harmless only because they do not hold the same destructive power as a Bard of Prince. Underestimating a Rogue is one of the most foolish things to do.

However, even the Rogue themself is guilty of underestimating themself in almost every way possible. It is because of this self doubt that they put up their facades in the first place. A cool person who has everything under control, and who is never bothered by anything at all - that’s who they present themself to be to nearly every person they ever meet. There may come a time where they themself begin to think this facade is who they really are even though, in reality, they are struggling heavily with an immeasurable amount of problems. 

In order for them to properly start their journey and acquire their powers, they must learn to come and face the truth. They aren’t as great as they present themself, they aren’t as flawless, skilled, or even suave as others perceive them to be. And that’s okay. At least, for most people who are faced with this truth would come to think. It’s not right to expect perfection all the time, and it will ultimately become something that brings out more harm than good.

The facade of how they want to be perceived is not who they are, and it is not the person that their Aspect is looking for. It is something that prohibits them from becoming a true hero. What their Aspect is looking for is someone truly brave and confident enough to even attempt wrangling it; stealing it from any source that holds it. As it stands, so long as the Rogue is withholding an identity that does not truly reflect on who they are as a person, then they will never be able to begin their journey towards their powers nor their Aspect.

Although they care for their friends and enjoy playing a supportive role to those around them, they can only help them so much before their attempts become useless. No, the way in which the Rogue is meant to fully help their friends is not through comforting words, loving gestures, or silent moments of solidarity. Rather, they are meant to redistribute their Aspect to those who are so desperately in need of it; or, more accurately, steal away their Aspect from those who have far too much of it and give it to those who are lacking in it.

It could be said that, to an extent, there is a considerable amount of Rogues who know the curse they have inflicted upon themself. Being aware of what is holding them back from being their best self is sometimes what helps them to start their journey, but other times it’s what holds them back more. Now, there has been a lot of emphasis on their facade and anxieties, but what about the solutions for this? Or, perhaps, what about the rewards for them removing their facade?

Many times, a Rogue will scare themself out of removing their facade. They’ll convince themself that the cons will always outweigh the pros, even if it means helping others to the best of their ability. It is a long and internal battle for the Rogue when it comes to breaking through these facades, but it is one that will have many rewards awaiting them. It is the Rogues who manage to look past their moral compasses and internalized lawfulness that will begin to see the cracks in the walls they have fortified around them. Through those cracks they will not only see their true self, but they also begin to see the true world around them.

For as faithful as the Rogue is to the people around them, it is a faith that comes from blind following and ignorance. It is because of this ignorance that they subconsciously put everyone they care for on a pedestal, with them as the pillar holding them up. By putting away and dismantling their facade, they will come to realize that they are not the only person with flaws in the world; even those who we pour our hearts and souls into are sometimes not always the best or most elegant individuals.

The more aware of reality, their very own included, that they become, the closer they get to achieving a sense of alignment with their Aspect. However, by doing just this, the Rogue will also have to see past their false paradise - they will have to realize how truly bleak and harmful the world around them can be. Most importantly, they will have to see how misplaced their Aspect has become in the world - or even as small as the very group they belong to.

Such a change in perspective can become overwhelming to some Rogues, and thus prevent them even more from beginning their journey towards harnessing their power. It is something far bigger than them, so who are they to even begin and try to think on how they may fix it? There have even been some cases where it’s made them even more afraid of their Aspect, causing them to avoid it even more - sometimes for the rest of their life or existence.

However, there are just as many Rogues who will see this and eventually overcome that initial feeling of shock and being overwhelmed. Once they do, they can finally start to get to work on finding the best ways to redistribute their Aspect - making it far more evenly placed amongst their group and, perhaps eventually, the world around them. The journey in which the Rogue takes down their facade is often a personal one, best left to be heard about than witnessed. Occasionally on their journey, though, they will come to a pit stop where a person they love and/or trust waits for them. They have given so much to their friends, and so it is time for their group to return the favor during the Rogue’s journey of self discovery and alignment.

Ultimately, the Rogue is someone who has to become comfortable with taking something that rightfully belongs to them: their Aspect. They have to accept that they won’t always be able to please everyone, right alongside not allowing injustices to lie; inside of their own life included. By stealing their Aspect away from something or someone, it means putting others at a slight or even grand disadvantage while also giving an advantage to another sector. Recognizing their true self as a Rogue will not only help them become more confident in who they are as a person, but it will also help them become the hero they are meant to be.

For the Rogue to harness their potential alongside their power, they must first learn about all there is to know about their Aspect. How it affects them, their friends, and everything else around them. Knowing about one’s Aspect is not something only restricted to the Classes of Knowing; one of the best examples of this would be the Rogue. Once they come to understand the ebbs and flows of their Aspect, how it swirls mystically inside and out of them and everyone - everything - else, they will finally begin to approach their powers of thievery.

Along the way of this journey, they will have to overcome their own internal blockades; namely, they will have to stop worrying about hurting those around them. Sometimes a Rogue’s Aspect is one so deeply personal and ingrained in one’s being, that to steal it from someone could feel the exact same as stealing away their right of oxygen, love, or life itself. It is something many Rogues struggle to face and battle, for it is a fear the size of a titan, so deeply stitched into them. What the Rogue needs most on this journey is a companion, someone to be there and help guide them into the waters - holding their hand, no matter how frigid or boiling it is, or how deep it may go. After all, the Rogue has been there for their friends numerous times; is it not fair that at least one of them returns the favor?

It is a long journey for the Rogue to become comfortable to steal away their Aspect. While there will certainly be some who may never truly make it to their full potential, there will be a hundred thousand more that will find their way across the finish line. Against all the odds, and all of their own personally created challenges, the Rogue will finally get to feel what it’s like to be of far more fulfilling use to the world around them.

At least, that is how it should feel. That is how it does feel for most of the other Classes whenever they fully align with their Aspect, and truly begin to harness their powers. More often than not, the case is the exact opposite for the Rogue. It is not the theft of their Aspect from themself that is discomforting, but it is the fact they now have to maintain boundaries.

In the past, the Rogue would hold their Aspect out for everyone to take their piece, leaving themself with very little of their Aspect left. Now that they have learned how to steal their Aspect, however, their next step is putting up rules. These rules are not only meant to prevent outside forces from taking too much from the Rogue, but also prevent the Rogue from unevenly distributing their Aspect to the world around them. One of the biggest responsibilities for the Rogue, after all, is to maintain complete Aspect Balance in the world around them.

Take too much, and they will be the one hoarding their Aspect from those in need of it. Give too much away, and they risk putting too much of it where it does not need or deserve to be. Finding that balance not only in the outside world, but inside of themself, as well, is a daunting task for some Rogues. What the Rogue will learn from plenty of opportunities of practice is how to determine when someone has truly had their fill, and how to ignore any possible rebuttals; how to ignore the loud thumping of their ever-bleeding heart.

Once they manage to teach themself these important factors - of course, if they do manage to do so, as not every Rogue is guaranteed to succeed in this journey -, they will not only begin to steal and redistribute their Aspect, but also accumulate it for themself. With every piece they steal and place somewhere else, a metaphysical Aspect Residue sticks with them without the Rogue knowing. This is a much slower, but natural process for the Rogue to build up their own amounts of Aspect Residue, but it is one that is well worth it.

If the Rogue were to become aware of this gradual build up, then some may find it far more beneficial to begin actively taking their fair share of their Aspect when stealing and redistributing it. A few Rogues may find this to be more cost effective with time, resources, or something similar. Other Rogues just may be eager to keep a little bit of extra of their Aspect, no matter what comes of it.

This begs the question, what does happen with this residual Aspect that the Rogue is left with? Why do they even gather it in the first place? Much like any other Class, the Rogue Class is one who holds a secondary power. However, their method of reaching this secondary power is only slightly different from most of the others. While an Heir must plunge themself into their Aspect, a Knight must free their sword from themself, or a Seer must gain a pure clarity and understanding of their Aspect, the Rogue is one who must build up their Aspect on the inside.

Rogues are those who are naturally equipped with their Aspect, but they are so often quick to give it away to those around them. Therefore, by keeping more and more of for themself whilst stealing it, they allow for their Aspect to truly find a place in their heart and soul. When enough of their Aspect has built up inside of them, then the connection between the two forces will become far stronger and rigid - a new level of understanding achieved by the hardest working Rogues there are.

This understanding of one’s Aspect lends itself to a new power. That power is being able to steal through the Aspect itself. Stealing through one’s Aspect means to hold control and a grand understanding over it, capable of using it in the many different forms it can take. Very few Rogues do get to achieve this power, yes, but the ones who do get to truly show off just how far they are willing to reach in order to help out their allies.

A Rogue of Life would be able to steal through literal Life; i.e. having creeping vines beckon to their will. However, they may also use their amassed wealth and luxury as a get-out-jail-free card. On the opposite end, a Rogue of Doom could summon a gang of the undead to help them acquire the treasure they so desire, or use their tragic backstory as a way to schmooze what they want out of someone’s pocket. Of course, this is only two of many other ways in which a Rogue may steal through their Aspect. It is a power that calls upon a creative mind, willing to play around and perhaps even toss out their own personal morals and other blockades when the need arises.

These are often the Rogues who have gained the most genuine confidence in almost every part of themself; though that is not to say they are always going to be confident. After all, a Rogue’s job is never truly finished, not when there is still an imbalance of their Aspect left in this world. Being one of the Classes meant to bring that balance to their group is often one that seems to continue for eternity, but so is the way of the world. For Rogues, what often matters most to them is the certainty that somehow they have made things a little better for a struggling person in this world. Or, perhaps on the flip-side, they made a nuisance into a much smaller problem; bringing a king off of his throne.

When the word ‘Rogue’ is brought up, what comes to mind may now seem like a far cry from how Rogues here truly act. A Rogue may have a charming personality of mysterious gravity to them, but this is often because they do not want people to know who they really are. And it is this facade that has left the Rogue so stunted in their growth. For the journey of the Rogue is not as traditional as some of the other Classes.

Many Classes may seek out means of redemption, to fix what they have broken on the outside. But, the Rogue is different in that it is not something external they have broken, but rather internal. They had allowed for themself to be picked apart, piece by piece, by everyone around them; especially those they love and hold close. However, there came a time where the Rogue had to finally realize that this was not a sufficient way of helping others. No, they needed to take the initiative to better not only themself, but also their Aspect.

By going on a personal journey of betterment and self-reflection, the Rogue will have to face the fact that there is no such thing as perfection. Even the people they so deeply idolize and love have flaws that cannot forever be ignored. This is meant to be a wake up call to the Rogue; that even they can have their own imperfections, commit acts that hurt those in their group, and still have the potential to be a good person who is loved.

The most important part of a Rogue’s journey is that they realize how much they are worth. How much they matter to their group, the world around them, their Aspect, and, ultimately, themself. Only once they realize their worth will they finally be able to help those around them to even higher levels, including themself. It is most certainly a slow going journey for some Rogues, but there is a promise that, no matter what, they will achieve that power to steal their Aspect.

Rogues play critical roles when it comes to maintaining balance with their Aspect. Chances are that any Thief in their group will play as a lovely reflection of them, and pose an interesting challenge. Thieves are those who steal their Aspect for themself and only themself; at least, more often than not. Because of this, they could help the Rogue to become more connected with their powers, as the two of them would become near polar opposites to one another. When the Rogue has come far in their journey of thievery, they may jokingly say to themself that ‘at least [they are] not a Thief’.

Ultimately, the role of a Rogue is someone who continuously helps to usher everyone closer to their end goal. Whether it is a group wide goal, or individual ones. During the Rogue’s journey, they will come to take on a far more neutral mindset, often because their own personal goal becomes that of winning. For a Rogue in a game, they will do what they can to usher in that victory for others, even if it means breaking and/or bending a rule or few.

Rogues are not healers, nor are they protectors. They cannot fix what has been broken, and they cannot defend what has been exposed. What they can do is exploit moments of vulnerability and weakness to get what they want, stealing what belongs to them and those in need. If the Rogue deems someone or someplace to be withholding an overabundance of their Aspect, then it will be up to them to formulate a plan to reinstate that balance.

If you ever need a job to be done, then the Rogue is someone you can most certainly count on, even if they occasionally doubt their own ability. Even when they do have self doubt, it is so often spoken over by their dedication and care for the people in need. No matter where a Rogue is in their journey - whether they are just starting, half-way through, or have achieved complete alignment with their Aspect. Nothing will ever stop the Rogue from having a large, bleeding heart for everyone around them.

And that is what makes the Rogue who they are. No matter what Aspect is tied to them, everything they do is in the name of someone else in some way. The Rogue knows how it feels to be lacking in their Aspect; how lonely it can leave one to feel. And so they learned, and they taught themself how to take hold of what belongs to them. They are the conductor, the arch, the bridge that allows for their Aspect to move on to someone in need of it.

The Rogue does this because they care. They create an even playing field not just for themself, and they do not redistribute their Aspect for its balance. They do this so that those who have natural disadvantages, as well as those who have a natural advantage, all have a fair fighting chance. In the Rogue’s presence, everyone can have a chance to give their piece, even the Rogue themself. In the Rogue’s presence, everyone has a chance to succeed.

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo vs. Mo Yi [Character Study]

I can never get over the aesthetic of these two pictures placed side by side LOL. But, anyway, the point of this post is to nip any undue comparisons in the bud and claims of copying organize my thoughts and compare these two characters to highlight their similarities, differences, and further explore each character through these contrasts.

Q) If you like Xu Mo, would you like Mo Yi?

Honestly, I think this depends on what you like most about Xu Mo. I already knew beforehand that I gravitate towards characters who think 5 steps ahead, are predominantly logical, and scholars/gentlemen, so it’s not surprising I bias both Xu Mo and Mo Yi.

However, as I got to know Mo Yi further (Themis is around 6 months old now), I find that he’s distinctively different from Xu Mo on three crucial points that’ll determine whether people from either camp will like the other character.

1) Stance on Others

In a post for Xu Mo, “Into Your World”, I argued that Xu Mo is an alienated genius who had troubles getting along with others, until he mastered the social game as an adult. However, you can still see glimpses of this as he tries to understand MC’s world and shares his own.

To be fair, Mo Yi’s past is still under wraps but I feel confident in saying that, while he was probably highly intelligent compared to his peers [SR Sculpted Heart], his isolation doesn’t seem to come from his innate nature but rather his social position (there’s heavy implications that he’s like some sort of noble or something) [SR Snowy Pine Fairytale].

IMO, these backgrounds really shaped the way these two men interact with the world.

Xu Mo has a detached and indifferent view towards other people. They simply exist and don’t bring anything positive or negative to him. His ambition to ensure the survival of humanity reflects this too because it’s pure utilitarianism; everyone (apart from MC) can be sacrificed equally for the greater good. If anything, he probably finds other people to be interesting subjects to study, no matter what kind of person they are. IIRC the only time he expressed dislike to people, or a group of people, was when he told Hades he enjoyed killing thieves LOL.

Meanwhile, Mo Yi has an elitist streak to the point where he and his MC actually clashed opinions and debated each other [SR Warm Fingertips]. It’s incredibly ironic because he’s a psychiatrist who treats his patients without judgment, but at the same time he looks down on so many things and people (PUAs, people who betray love, hypocrites who only seek power and fame) [Ch2; Personal Story Ch1-3; SSR Moonlit Ball].

One of the things I noticed early on is that Xu Mo draws from the Eastern scholar archetype, “Xu Mo Character Study”, while Mo Yi actually draws more from the Western gentleman archetype.

So, just to summarize this section, Xu Mo is detached from the world naturally and likes to observe people and try to blend in. Mo Yi deliberately draws a line between him and others and, at times, has the casual cruelty of someone born as nobility (arrogance is carved into his bones, even if he tends to keep it low-key because he generally has a “gentle and polite” attitude).

2) Stance on Love

Xu Mo didn’t understand love, or really even emotions. Love is grown between him and his MC (there’s multiple analogies throughout the game about how their love is like a seed). I think [Ch25] pretty much sums it up for Xu Mo, where he goes through that emotional rollercoaster and muses about how, at the end of human evolution, emotions should be discarded. He also admits that MC taught him the “fear” of a normal person, because now he has someone he cannot give up no matter what, which goes against his previous utilitarian beliefs.

Compared to this, Mo Yi fell in love at first sight. Yes, you read that right. The “scientist and logical” archetype fell in love at first sight LOL. Not only does he acknowledge it right off the bat, but he fully embraces it too and believes that real love makes people better versions of themselves [Personal Story]. Mo Yi is a through and through psychiatrist in that he never underestimates how primal emotions (and love) can be.

Heck, not only is this central to his personal story, but we also have hints that one of Mo Yi’s parents fell in love at first sight with the other person (and he inherited their predisposition for that). Unfortunately, their love had a tragic end and Mo Yi seems to have a huge grudge against his father for whatever happened to his mother (again, Mihoyo is keeping this a mystery LOL), but Mo Yi explicitly confirms that even if his love leads to a tragic end he will still walk down this road and attempt to change it [SR Cool Summer].

IMO one other difference between them re: love is this exchange that lives rent free in my head which I saw in a Xu Mo/Reader/Mo Yi fanfiction LOL. Bear with me here.

Mo Yi: Wearing a mask for a long time will tire you.

Xu Mo: It’s enough just to wear one in front of the necessary person.

Xu Mo and his MC make great efforts to understand each other’s worlds, but this understanding comes from the doors he chooses to open to her. He reveals himself as much as possible, but I think he’s an inherently private person (and there’s all that Ares stuff) so there are times where he hides things so that he doesn’t worry his MC. I think this is enough to count as a “mask”. Sometimes he pretends he’s okay when he’s not.

On the other hand, while I think Mo Yi shares the sentiment in not wanting his MC to worry unduly, he tries to reveal himself as much as possible. There’s an amazingly relatable conflict in him here where he wants her to know every side of him, but he’s also terrified of how she’ll react if he shows her his ugliest sides and imperfect sides (he has some sort of phobia or fear about imperfection, but Mihoyo has been keeping mum on the exact details of this so far) [Personal Story; SR Sculpted Heart].

It’s pretty ironic that Mo Yi wants to be perfect, but he realizes that the more perfect he is the more of a sense of distance there’ll be between him and his MC because of the subconscious pressure someone “perfect” brings LOL [SSR Border of Light and Darkness].

3) Stance on Growth

If you haven’t realized that one of Xu Mo’s greatest themes is the phrase “Take your time in growing”, then what have you been reading? Jkjk, but seriously this gets repeated in multiple places, although my brain always goes back to [Blossom Date] for this.

Even if he and his MC start off with fundamental differences (she believes all people have inherent worth and can’t be involuntarily sacrificed), he wants to personally watch the journey of her maturation. He also subtly guides and teaches her. Unfortunately, due to circumstances of the main story, he doesn’t get his wish and she grows up a lot out of his eyes, but their relationship still revolves around him wanting her to have as much time as possible to grow.

He’s, for a lack of better word, extremely gentle about this (setting aside as much of the Ares and story parts as we can, because LovePro’s story is tragedy on tragedy LOL). I think [Autumn Blaze Date] shows a good analogy for this, because he holds the bicycle steady for MC until she can get going on her own, and he also catches her the first time.

Meanwhile, Mo Yi... ha ha ha. I just came out of chapter 3 for his [Personal Story] and let’s just say his philosophy is tough love. It’s ironic because, in many of his other dates, he wrestles with an internal conflict to protect his MC but also to let her experience all sorts of things to both test and temper her.

This is going to touch on the previous topic about love for a moment, but a part of Mo Yi’s love at first sight experience is also “testing” the other person through all sorts of situations and, after seeing all their different sides, he can determine whether his love at first sight is one that’ll last for the rest of his life or if it’s just a fleeting moment of beauty and emotion.

He also extremely respects his MC’s sense of justice and pursuit of the truth in the world, no matter what she encounters, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what drew him to her in the first place. But MC’s occupation and beliefs will make her confront a lot of dark and dangerous things and so, whenever possible, Mo Yi lets her confront these in “controlled” situations to train her. If I had to make an analogy, IMO, he’d let his MC ride the bicycle and pick her up only after she falls, or when she’s like 0.1cm away from the ground LOL.

Mo Yi is (perhaps rightfully) called out on this by another character, who believes Mo Yi is too arrogant in believing everything is under his control and he can prevent MC from getting hurt whenever he lets her get into dangerous situations, and I’m interested to see if Mihoyo will let him experience failures with his philosophy so he can grow more, like the things Xu Mo went through re: his personal beliefs [Ch24].

Overall

I don’t know how well I explained myself, especially for people who don’t know anything about Mo Yi, and each section goes back and forth between the two characters LOL so here’s another section that attempts to describe their overall atmosphere.

If, like I said in my Headcanon Notes, Xu Mo makes me immediately think of all the words for soft, gentle, light, still, water, etc etc., then the words I constantly think about for Mo Yi is messily human. He’s like a bundle of contradictions, but coherent because it’s being intentionally done.

Mo Yi doesn’t discriminate against his patients, yet he can be elitist and looks down on others. He wants to let MC have dangerous experiences, but also wants to protect her. He wants to be perfect, but he also wants to reveal himself entirely to his MC because that’s real love.

In contrast, Xu Mo has a very clean and orderly personality LOL. You can draw clear cause and effect lines from his personality to his actions.

So, anyway, these are two interesting characters who start off with similar archetypes as scientific logical men of scholar/gentleman dispositions, but yet they’re also on opposite ends for a lot of things such as their approach to emotions and the world.

Oh wait, lastly, because I don’t have a good place to put this—but I think it’s funny—is that both characters are pretty possessive and greedy, but while Xu Mo does things in a sneaky, cunning and fox-like way Mo Yi gets ridiculously open about his jealousy and it’s hilariously cute but also almost childish? I often forget Mo Yi is older than Xu Mo by a year, because Xu Mo honestly feels a bit more mature than him LOL. If we count them actually aging by when their game came out though, then Mo Yi is 28 and Xu Mo is 29 now.

[lailyn]

This Magical Journey Called Multiple (Chapter 2)

“Now will you let me take your blood?”

“Nothing I say will stop you." With a resigned sigh, Loki slowly straightened his arm in consent. "If it must be done." 

The incessant complaining continued, regardless. “Know that I hate this.”

“Duly noted, my dear," Stephen murmured. "You're such a great patient."

“Don’t sound so disappointed.”

“For someone so fond of knives, you sure are critical about needles.” Stephen found a juicy vein in the bend of Loki’s elbow, and pressed the tip of his syringe at the plumpest point. “Sharp prick.”

The tension in Loki's muscles did not let up even after Stephen had removed the needle. 

Handing the blood sample to one of Tony’s robots to be processed, he gently patted Loki’s arm where the needle mark was already fading as Stephen watched. "You can relax now. It's done."

Loki mustered a half-smile but something was still amiss.

Stephen narrowed his eyes. "Is your stomach hurting again?"

"Some," Loki admitted reluctantly. "It's not that bad."

"I call bullshit," Tony said darkly. "We practically had to carry you."

"Half-carry," Loki corrected, raising his head off his tiny pillow to glare at Tony, who had been standing silently in the far corner of the room ever since they returned from the farmers market. "If you hadn't freaked out and given me a moment like I asked instead of crying to Stephen, I would have recovered in time." 

But before Tony could counter-argue, Loki proved himself wrong when the pain returned in full force, cleaving him in two and leaving him panting for breath. 

That was the last straw. Tony stepped out of the shadows and grabbed the hand grasping the side of the bed in a white-knuckled grip. “Bambi.”

Stephen watched the beads of sweat form on Loki's forehead. "Pain scale of one to ten, where are you at?”

Loki shook his head in denial.

“Stephen, he’s not talking. Why isn’t he talking?”

“He’s trying to think of a number to throw us off.”

With a feverish roll of his eyes, Loki held up his right thumb and first two fingers.

Tony allowed himself to relax slightly. “A three. That’s not so bad, right?”

“It’s a seven,” Stephen said flatly. 

“Huh?”

“That’s finger abacus, the thumb represents a five,” Stephen glowered. “Thinks he’s smarter than us.”

Loki dropped his finger gun. “Sod off,” he muttered. 

“Now is not the time to be difficult, Loki,” Stephen growled. "Did you take any hits in the battle that you failed to mention?"

“No,” Loki grunted. "I had my shield up the whole time. This is new."

But Stephen was already pulling the ultrasound machine closer. "Can't hurt to take a look. Occult internal bleeding can happen long after the initial trauma, doctors miss it all the time."

"How reassuring." Loki squirmed as he tried to find the most comfortable position. The ice-cold gel Stephen was liberally squirting all over his tense abdomen did not help matters.

"Try to hold still."

Loki breathed deeply in and out of his nose, focusing on keeping the fidgeting to a minimum. As gentle as Stephen tried to be with maneuvering the transducer probe, every prod and push sent a fresh shard of pain lancing through his belly. 

"Loki, lower your shield. I need to see if there’s free fluid in your abdominal cavity.” 

"What? What are you talking about?" Loki asked.

“I can't see a thing." Stephen turned the monitor around so they both could see just what he meant. “Look.”

“It’s all black,” Tony said in rising horror. “Why the hell is it black? Are you liquidating inside? Is that what's happening?”

“Not if I can help it…” Stephen murmured distractedly, fingers flying over the knobs and dials but no amount of adjusting seemed to work. “And the word you're looking for is liquefying. Liquidating is what you do when your stock price falls and you start selling your yachts.”

Tony placed his hands on his hips. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

Stephen ignored him, focusing on the quieter of his two husbands, which was a great worry in itself. “I can’t see the inside of your body, you’re not letting me.”

"It's not me. I'm not doing anything," Loki said, sounding more breathless than Stephen would like. 

Tony must have thought the same. He turned the knob controlling the supplemental oxygen supply on the wall and cajoled Loki into wearing the nasal cannula. Unsurprisingly, he succeeded. It was something Tony would always be better at doing than Stephen, getting Loki to do stuff he did not want to do, and Stephen was forever grateful for it.

“Well, something’s blocking the sonic waves."

"Blocking?" 

Stephen nodded, allowing himself a moment of relief. Loki seemed to be breathing a bit easier now. 

"It’s like your abdomen’s made of solid rock,” he said, mind racing as he pondered their next move. “You need a CT scan. Is the blood test ready? I have to see if the kidney function’s okay if we’re thinking of giving you contrast.”

Tony typed away on the console for a few seconds. “Yeah. I’m bringing the results up right now.” 

Stephen reluctantly left Loki’s side and joined Tony at the computer. “Let’s see…” 

He scrolled down quickly before something caught his eye and he stopped. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Tony peered over Stephen’s shoulder. “What is it? What do you see?”

Stephen backed away from the monitor, looking spooked all of a sudden. “Maybe it’s not acoustic impedance at all...” 

Tony frowned. The look on Stephen’s face was not sitting right with him at all. “What isn’t? If you don’t start sharing what you know, I swear I am going to kick your ass.”

“Maybe there’s nothing wrong with the ultrasound. Maybe something is cancelling it out.” Stephen turned around very, very slowly. “Loki. Is there any chance that you could be pregnant?”

“What?” Loki balked. “No!” 

“Are you sure?” Stephen asked carefully. “It’s not like you have a discernible ovarian cycle to guide you.”

“I don’t need one,” Loki retorted, but the first glimmer of doubt crept into his voice. “What makes you think I am?”

“Your hCG level’s elevated," Stephen said. 

When Loki stared at him blankly through eyes glazed with pain, Stephen figured he should elaborate.

“It’s a marker of pregnancy and testicular carcinoma, but the latter takes slightly longer to kill you and isn’t a concern for right now.”

“This is a nightmare.” Tony sank into a chair and buried his face into his hands. “A fucking nightmare.”

“Stop being so dramatic, Stark,” Loki scoffed. "Why can't it be the latter? I do have a sizable pair."

“To confirm that, we need another panel of special blood tests that I will definitely take from you later,” Stephen said, blatantly ignoring Loki's poor attempt at humor. “One thing at a time.”

"I am not pregnant. Don't you think I would know if I were?"

"It's a moot question, considering there is no precedent for the current situation."

"I have been pregnant before."

"Not by us humans."

There were many things about Stephen Loki found endearing, too many to count, but there was a smugness to his persona whenever his husband put on his doctor hat...not that it was any more authoritative than his usual self, but definitely a lot less tolerable. In things concerning magic, Loki was easily his equal if not superior. But now, struggling with this awful pain in his gut, he was at Stephen’s mercy. 

Even so, Loki was not going to back down without a fight. “My contraceptive spells are infallible.”

“Spells can fail.”

Loki was out of the bed so fast he was a blur of shadow flying across the room toward them.

"Stephen - " Tony leaped forward.

Stephen fumbled as he tried to conjure a defence against whatever was coming, but before he knew it, Tony's fast reflexes kicked in and he caught Loki in mid-collapse, “Hey, easy, easy!”

As Tony lowered him to the floor, Loki buried his face as deeply as he could in Tony’s chest in the hope that it would stifle his scream, of pain and rage alike. "Did you do this?"

“What?” Tony strained to hear him amid the alarm blaring from the monitors from which Loki had extricated himself in his frenzy. 

“Not you.” A green eye stared out accusingly from the crevice of their interlocking arms. “Him.”

Stephen's heart thundered in his chest. He knew when something was meant for Tony, and when it was meant for him. “I did not.”

Tony swivelled his head. “Stephen, what is he talking about?”

“There is only one being in this world powerful enough to counter my spells,” Loki spat. “Is this your doing?”

“I would never do that to you,” Stephen said heatedly. “How could you even think that?”

“Bambi,” Tony said anxiously when Loki’s form began trembling in his arms. “Bambi, calm down.”

Stephen braced himself once more against the onslaught of daggers or fists or magic but no threat of any kind came forth. He watched the light leave Loki’s eyes like a candle snuffed and heard Tony shout out a warning. “Loki!” 

Stephen lunged to grab their listing husband and managed to save Loki’s head from hitting the floor, only just. 

“Loki,” he called urgently. True fear gripped his heart when Loki remained motionless. “Help me, Tony.”

They wrestled with Loki’s long limbs and together, they carried him over to the bed. 

“What the hell is going on?” Tony asked frantically. “Stephen?”

Stephen ignored him, focusing instead on reattaching the wires and cables that would connect Loki once more to the vital signs monitor. He did not speak until a blood pressure reading came back; it was borderline low but satisfactory for now, given the normal pulse rate and heart rhythm. 

“He’s fine,” Stephen said gruffly. “He just passed out.”

Tony growled, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” 

He picked up a limp hand and rubbed it furiously between his palms. 

“He’s freezing. Why is he freezing? It’s like ninety-degrees in here,” he rambled, “And I don’t know if I heard you right the first time, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I swear I heard you say Loki was pregnant.”

“I did.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Tony pleaded.

Stephen sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Wish I could.”

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t be sure.” Stephen studied Loki’s wan face and the desire to just dip his astral fingers into his husband’s abdomen to take a look inside was overwhelming. He killed the thought before desperation could breathe it to life. “There’s one thing we haven’t tried. Another ultrasound.” 

He met Tony’s eyes across the bed. “Transvaginally.”

“What are you waiting for?” Tony demanded. 

Stephen bit the inside of his lip. “I don’t know how.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Tony’s voice shrilled. “You’re supposed to know everything!”

“About brains, not babies!” Stephen exploded. “I think I need to talk to Christine.”

Tony’s face changed. He pulled Stephen by the sleeve of his shirt to a corner, the farthest he could go while still keeping Loki in his line of sight and out of earshot. 

“Christine? As in your ex?” he hissed.

“She’s a doctor, Tony, and a damn good one too. She’s seen her fair share of strange things and ambiguous genitalia is nowhere near up there.”

“Okay, I don’t know if you can’t hear yourself or if you’re being an ass on purpose, but you’re being an ass!”

Stephen opened his mouth to protest, but Tony beat him to the punch. 

“Never mind how I feel, but you and I both know how Loki feels about her! No shade on Christine, coz I’m sure she’s great but - ” Tony’s knight’s-move thinking took him off course, “Ambiguous? Really?” 

Stephen stared. What’s so wrong with what he said? “That...is the clinical term, if you must know.”    

“I don’t give a shit. You don’t say things like that,” Tony seethed. “I’ve never been surer of what Loki is and what he has, and what he has is not a fucking cul-de-sac!”

“I know that, and that is why I’m trying to get to the bottom of this because I know what’s at stake!” Stephen’s voice rose in pitch to match Tony’s. “I am not going to argue semantics with you when Loki could be having an ectopic pregnancy that could kill him at any minute while we stand here fighting!”

Tony instantly deflated. “I’m not fighting.”

“Good!” Stephen snapped. A guilty look instantly flashed across his face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“No, I get it. You’re worried about Loki,” Tony sighed heavily. “And I’m sorry too. I just - I can't - " his voice caught in his throat, "You're probably used to it, but I can't stand seeing him like this."

"You never get used to seeing someone you love hurting," Stephen said quietly.

Tony's gaze softened. "Yeah." His thumb rubbed comforting circles on the back of Stephen's scarred hand. "I've got your back."

Stephen smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Tony."

When they turned around to return to Loki, the sight awaiting them froze them in their tracks. 

"Oh shit," Tony breathed. "No, no, no…"

Everywhere they looked they saw ice, creeping across the tiles from where the examination table was bolted to the floor and spreading toward the computers and sensitive medical equipment surrounding it.

Still deeply unconscious, Loki's Aesir glamour had fallen away, revealing his Jotun form, skin as blue as the slab of ice he was lying on.

[imagine-this-fandom]

BNHA x Fem! Reader: The Rescue- Red Siamese

The rescue intro- Here

A/N: Warning! There are mentions of domestic Abuse! Nothing graphic, just mentions of behaviors picked up from living in an abusive household!

Inko led you back into the main store and past rows of all sorts of tanks, stopping  in front of a door with cute little pawprints running up the side. At the top of the door, the word CATS was in big bold letters. She opened the door and ushered you inside, carefully closing the door behind you.

The main room had various toys and structures spread out for the cats to enjoy. There were felines everywhere, and almost all of them watched you as you entered.

"Hmmmm... Where could he be hiding today?" Inko mused to herself, searching for a particular cat.

While she was preoccupied, you took this time to explore. You looked at all the cats scampering around the room. Some let you pet them, while others hung back warily. One of these cautious cats caught your eye. He was small and cream in color. His markings could make him a Siamese, but what stood out most was a faded shock of red covering the left side of his face. You watched him for a moment before slowly making your way over. He was cautious of your presence. You could see it in the way his body was tensed ever so slightly. You took it slowly as you got closer, not wanting to scare him. Once you were within two feet of him, you stopped and sat down, smiling at him encouragingly.

"Hey handsome, what are you doing over here by your lonesome?"

You didn't make a move to pet him, but watched him carefully, taking in his features and behavior.

Alongside his odd coloring, his eyes fascinated you. One was a calm grey while the other was an electrifying blue.

You hummed quietly as you sat and watched him, wanting to pet him, but also not wanting to scare him away.

This was how Inko found you.

"There you are! Oh, you found Shoto."

She gently scooped up the duel colored cat, much to his confusion.

"This is Shoto! He's the one I was looking for so you can take him home!"

While the cat was confused with his new perspective, he didn't seem that bothered with it. He had a cool and calm demeanor that was both odd for a cat and completely on par with what you'd heard.

"He's shy, but i think a sweetheart like you is exactly what he needs to open up!" Inko proclaimed, transferring the cat into your arms. She then set to work gathering cat related supplies for you. You watched her in silence, still a little bit stunned at your luck. The cat was quiet and seemed to just be observing the situation as well. You considered petting him, but with his wary nature earlier, you didn't want to risk startling him.

Once Inko had gathered a good size bag of supplies, she took Shoto from you and carefully ushered him into a pet carrier and handed it off to you.

"You're all set! Call if you have any questions! Good luck.”

You set out fairly confidently, but stopped frequently to check on your new pet. He was so quiet, it was a tad unnerving. Every time you paused to check on him, he would look up at you blankly. You were torn between the idea of him being incredibly smart, or just very very empty. He could be just observing calmly, or he could have nothing but elevator music behind his eyes. You had no clue and weren’t sure which one you were hoping for.

Once you reached your apartment, you set the carrier in the middle of the living room and opened the door for him before busying yourself with setting up his supplies. You set out cat food and water and set up all the different things Inko had given you. While you were invested in setting things up, Shoto carefully wandered the apartment. It was fairly modest, but so different from the traditional Japanese home he had grown up in. It was cozy, but he noticed with interest that you didn’t have pictures up. Apparently you didn’t get along with your family. At least you had something in common. 

You gave Shoto a wide berth as you walked past him to your room, not wanting to startle him and start off on the wrong foot on night one. He followed at a distance, Deciding it was important to analyze you and your behavior as you would be sharing a living space. 

You both settled down for the night in your prospective beds, albeit shoto found sleep much more slowly than you did.

 He didn’t sleep all that well. Waking up at the smallest noise. He awoke for the final time when he heard you make your way to the kitchen, body heavy with sleep as you continued on your quest for coffee.

You gave him a tired smile from over your mug.

“Well good morning strawberry shortcake!” You chirped. 

Shortcake? He was very confused and let out a bewildered little mew.

“It’s because of your red streak! You’ve got the white of whipped cream, and a strawberry streak” You pointed out his coloring fondly, already deciding that he was a sweetheart, so he needed a sweet nickname to match.

He just eyed you in growing confusion. He absolutely thought you were strange… But you seemed nice. You reminded him a little of both Izuku and Ochaco with your kindness and willingness to befriend him. Still, he was not used to it in the slightest. 

You quickly got to work making food, glad to be able to spend this day off of work. You couldn’t wait to get to know Shoto. Sure he was a bit.. Cold. But you were sure that if you worked with him, you’d unlock that heart of gold within. You noticed with growing concern that he never let you out of his sight. It made you worried to see him so wary. Sure it made sense that he would be on guard in his new environment, but there were other habits you caught that made you more upset. 

Shoto didn’t know he was doing it, but he always sat where he could see all the exits. Even though he was light enough on his feet not to be heard, he had already mapped out where to step to make the least amount of noise. You also disliked that he hesitated before turning corners. At first you thought it was just shyness peeking through, but you were in the same room… He did it regardless if you were around or not. This was a learned habit. You were definitely going to have to call Inko later. From what you could tell, Shoto didn’t seem to feel safe. He was on edge constantly and something told you that was not normal. 

You grimly tucked this info into the back of your mind and decided you were going to make your little shortcake feel loved and safe, no matter what it takes. You were determined and started to formulate a plan. First things first though, you had to make sure he was taken care of. 

“Shortcake, do you want some food? I made a little extra egg for you. I still don’t know what you like, but I promise I’ll do my best to find out.”

You slipped some eggs into his dish and curled up on the floor a few feet away, your own plate of food cradled in your arms. Shoto padded over to his dish, curious as to your motive, but pleased with your offering nonetheless. He sniffed carefully and took the smallest nibble before deeming it safe to eat. You were a decent caretaker so far, but he was determined to keep his distance as necessary. He wasn’t one to form attachments needlessly. You were supposed to take care of him. Having never had a pet of his own before, the concept was strange to him. Why would someone want the extra responsibility of caring for another creature? What did you gain from this experience?

As he ate, you nibbled on your own food, mind swirling with ideas for how to put the cat more at ease. Perhaps he’d like a heated blanket to lie on? Or maybe you should get him a cat tree. You’d definitely have to find a treat he liked so you could slowly gain his trust. 

And so the day continued. You spent your time attempting to befriend Shoto without pushing his comfort zone. He was surprised by your resilience, and it wasn’t long before he became accustomed to your presence. You were...calming. You never made sudden moves around him and whenever he caught you looking at him, you had a soft smile firmly in place. 

You finally took a break from Shoto watching for dinner. You had made soba, albeit slightly distractedly. You were expecting a call from Inko once she closed the pet shop. The call came at the most inopportune time and you had to sadly abandon your food in order to take the call. You walked out onto your balcony to talk, not wanting to bother your strawbaby with your pacing as you talked. 

Once the glass door slid shut, you turned your full attention to the voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey Inko, it’s great to hear from you, but I had a few questions about Shoto.”

“Of course my dear! What can I help you with?”

You bit your lip and carefully considered your questions.

“Did he grow up in the store, or was he owned before?”

There was a pause on the other end as Inko tried to think of how to phrase her next words.

“Well dear, all of my pets are rescued. Each had their own stories before they found their way to me. I will admit, young Shoto worried me. He was always really quiet and reserved. He got along with a few other animals and rarely initiated any interaction.”

You inhaled sharply, tears starting to sting as you mulled this new information over.

“Thank you for your help, Mrs. Midoriya, that helps a lot. That was my main question.”

“Of course dear. You’re always welcome at the shop and I’d love to hear from you soon. Any updates on Shoto are also welcome. I really do think you adopting him will be good for him.”

You smiled even though you knew she wouldn’t see it. 

“I’ll try to talk again soon, bye.”

You hung up and sighed heavily, almost certain in your suspicions now. It was a firm fact in your mind that Shoto had been abused in his previous home. Sure cats were wary creatures, but you knew that the meticulous and practiced behaviors you had seen were not normal. You were wrestling with several emotions internally. Sadness for him was a main one, as well as seething anger for whoever had hurt your sweet boy. Determination won over in the end. 

You had been so lost in thought, you had barely noticed the passing of time. You were drawn out of your thoughts by a chilly breeze as the moon made an appearance in the sky. You hugged yourself and made your way back inside only to pause at a strange sight. Shoto was perched on the table, happily consuming the now cold soba you had prepared earlier. 

While you were unsure if that was the best choice for him, he seemed to be enjoying himself. So you did the logical thing and heated up some soba for yourself and joined him at the table. He gave you a small uninterested look before returning to his meal. You both ate in silence for a while and you were pleased to see that he didn’t dash away when he finished. He politely waited for you to finish your own food, calm gaze fixed ahead. 

***** 

As the days passed, he started to open up a bit more. It wasn’t a dramatic change, but he was more at ease with your presence. He began to actively seek you out if you were in a different room. The space he put between you was shrinking too. You were elated! 

As excited as you were with the progress, you still weren’t expecting it when Shoto actually sat beside you. You had been reading a book on the couch when you felt the cushion dip next to you. Looking to your side, you spotted white and red fur nestled against your side. You stilled so as not to make a move that would scare him off. He was relaxed for the most part, but he seemed to be waiting for something. If you could hear his thoughts, you would be able to understand his tentative presence. He was testing the waters of his newfound companionship with you. The longer you stayed still without shooing him away, the less he felt like an intruder.

You didn’t want to ruin his moment, but this was the closest he’d been to you since you had got him from the shop. You wanted to let him know that he was okay where he was and that you were happy he was there. You tentatively reached out a hand, going slow so he had every opportunity to pull away. Your hand came to rest on his back and you  trailed your fingers lightly over him. His eyes seemed to widen a little from the contact, but he made no move to pull away or stop you, so you continued to pet him, adding a little more pressure. Before you knew it, he was relaxing and leaning into your touch.

Shoto wasn’t used to the feeling, but now that he had it, he didn’t want it to stop. Your touch was gentle and warm. He knew what it was like to have contact with someone, but it was something completely different with you. You were always so gentle with him. Even now as your fingers smoothed over his fur, you were tender and soft with your touch. It was comforting in a way he hadn’t ever remembered experiencing before, especially growing up/ He was used to strict schedules, rules clad in iron as well as grueling training that he was forced to endure for a good deal of his life. His childhood was spent in isolation from his siblings and fond human touch. Your encouragement and touch were so different from everything he had grown up with. It was a relief he didn’t even know he needed. 

Without thinking, his eyes drifted closed as he gave in to the bliss the petting sensations were causing. He was startled when something gave way within his chest and a low rumbling began to build up. He was freaked out until he heard your soft gasp. He looked up to see a wide beaming smile on your face, seemingly triggered by the low rumbling sound he was making.

“Awww, Shortcake, I knew you had a purr in there somewhere!” Your petting became more enthusiastic as the rumbles increased in volume.

Judging by your reaction, he had nothing to be worried about, and it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, just strange. He decided just this once not to worry about it, and let you continue as he closed his eyes again, letting himself melt against your soothing touch.

You were absolutely overjoyed. You had been working really hard over the past weeks to get close to the cold cat. Now he was a purring puddle under your fingers. Poor baby just needed someone to love him. Your heart was simultaneously overjoyed and broken by his reaction. You made a solemn promise to yourself to make sure he would always feel loved so long as you were around. 

******

As months passed, you kept your promise to the best of your abilities. You spent as much time as you could spare with Shoto, be it cuddles on the couch or play time with the toys you got him. He didn’t seem all that into the toys, but he would always give in after a while. He knew it made you happy when he chased the silly feather toy on the string. He personally did not find it fulfilling, but he had grown to adore the smile and laughter that came with it. He knew it wasn’t exactly the most logical thing, but he had started to look forward to your smiles everyday. He began to miss you as you went to work and took that lovely smile with you. While he didn’t mind his alone time at first, it became more boring and frustrating to bear. He became very entuned with your schedule.

Recently, Shoto had started to notice something was wrong. You were staying at work for longer and getting home later recently. This past week, you had barely been home with him at all. It was honestly starting to concern him. You had always made time for him and he was starting to miss you. You looked run down all the time, and you had a cough that was steadily getting worse. Yet you insisted that you work with him. You were so patient and caring as you spent time talking to him and cuddling with him. 

You seemed to be pushing yourself to work harder and harder at your job. He noticed that you were exhausted, you looked dead on your feet whenever he caught you by yourself. However, you were quickly back to sunshine and smiles whenever you knew he was around, as if you could fool him into thinking nothing was wrong.

“Hey strawbaby, how’s my sweet boy today? “ You happily cooed to him and patted the chair beside you.

While he didn’t quite understand your love of nicknames, he was growing used to it and enjoying it a little if he were honest with himself. If that is what you wished to call him, he would respond. He hopped up next to you and was pleased to catch a sweet smile turning up the corner of your lips. You showed affection so readily and quickly, even though you barely knew anything about him. It didn’t seem to be for any self serving reason, especially because you didn’t know who he really was anyway. Your fingers quickly found their way into his fur and he gladly submitted to your touch. As much as he missed being human, he couldn’t deny that this feeling was one he quite enjoyed. His body betrayed his thoughts as his eyes closed in delight and a low rumbling purr escaped his chest. 

“Sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I promise I’ll try to spend more time with you soon, but I’ve been taking on some extra shifts at work.”

You pulled him into your arms so he rested on your stomach and you could address him more directly. 

From his new vantage point, he could see that while you were smiling, you had dark circles under your eyes. This wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t see a way to help in his current state.

You pressed a tired kiss to the top of his head and leaned back on the couch, closing your eyes as you breathed deeply. 

You had only meant to rest your eyes for a little bit, but were quickly lulled to sleep by Shoto’s comforting weight on your chest. Your breathing was a bit more shallow than he liked, but he decided he’d just have to keep an eye on it. 

You jolted awake a couple of hours later to the sound of your phone alarm. You hissed in pain as you carefully slipped Shoto off your chest and hurried to get ready for the opening shift you had taken. You made sure Shoto had food and fresh water before giving the apartment one last glance, gaze softening with love as it landed on your sleeping cat. You blew a kiss to the fur ball before stepping out into the cold, coat forgotten in your haste to arrive on time.

You worked a long and grueling day, covering shifts for other coworkers at every opportunity and dealing with hard customers as the weather made people irritable. You kept telling yourself that things could only get better as the day continued, this ended up a lie, but you were determined to not let the hard day get the worst of you. You hadn’t admitted it to Shoto, but you were running yourself ragged. You were honestly running low on funds right now and the heating costs as well as rent were starting to get costly. Not to mention that you had a cat to support too. He was strange in that he didn’t care for any cat food you provided, so you supplemented as best you could with various human food to make sure he got the nutrients he needed. You were dead tired, but you loved that cat to the ends of the Earth and would do anything for him. You kept repeating that you were doing this for him as you pushed through your work load and continued home. 

You were almost certain you were sick, but it wasn’t anything serious as far as you were concerned.

((Yeah, covid isn’t going to be a thing in this universe because it’s the last thing I would want to read/write about, so don’t worry.))

You shivered as you walked home, trying your best to distract yourself from the cold as you walked. Your head ached and it hurt to think. Your head felt fuzzy and full in a way that made your whole body feel heavy. Perhaps you’d try to take a later shift tomorrow. 

Shoto was waiting for you when you opened the door and even though you were still shivering heavily from your walk, your heart was warm. You reached down and pet him after closing the door behind you.

“Hey shortcake, how’s my handsome boy?”

You went to stand back up and had to brace your arm against the wall as a wave of dizziness shot through you. You groaned and closed your eyes, clutching your head as you leaned on the wall, waiting for it to pass. Shoto looked up at you with concern, reaching up and putting a paw against your leg, trying to express his concern. That was definitely not normal for you.

You gave him a soft pat and moved further into the apartment.

“I’m okay Shoto, just a dizzy spell. I guess I pushed it a bit at work today!”

He looked back at the spot where you had crouched in pain. He hated how weak your breath sounded and the pain that had marred that lovely smile when you had leaned there. You were really scaring him!

His fears were realized when he heard a loud thud behind him. He whipped around and saw with horror that you were on the ground. Terror gripped his heart and he raced to your side. He was relieved without a doubt to find that you were still breathing, however your breaths were strained and raspy from the cough that had crept in over the past week. He tried to nudge you awake, but he couldn’t seem to rouse you. He felt helpless and more than that, terrified for your safety.

He tried desperately to come up with a plan. What should he do? Oh, if only he were human agai-

His frantic thoughts were cut short with a quiet popping sound and a nauseating change in perspective. He was taller. No.. not taller, human. He looked down at his hands in shock before also noting with relative indifference that he also was devoid of clothes. He would have felt cold, but his quirk kicked in and his temperature regulated itself. 

He turned his attention to the most important task at hand and quickly crouched beside you. He flipped you onto your back so you could breathe more easily and carefully picked you up, arm going around your back and the other under your knees. He slowly lifted you up, your head settling against his chest and shoulder. You looked so weak and tired, it twisted his heart painfully. He carefully carried you to your room and set you on your bed. His thoughts switched to hero mode as he analyzed the situation. You obviously hadn’t been getting enough sleep, and your body had given out on you. You were hot to the touch and he noticed that your sweater was soaked from the snow on your walk home. 

He got to work and stripped you of your outer clothes, having to do a little search before he located proper sleepwear and slipped it onto you. He then quickly took a clean cloth and created an ice pack with his quirk. He settled the pack on your forehead and tucked you into the bed, pleased to see the shivering ease.

He knew that he just needed to wait and watch for now, so he busied himself with finding clothes for him. He knew that when you woke up, you would be confused and the last thing he wanted to do was scare you. He eventually found a pair of sweatpants and a sweater that fit decently and he hurried back to your side. 

He didn’t leave your side again for the rest of the night. His hand found solace in yours, his thumb making comforting circles over your knuckles. He wished more than anything that you would open those beautiful eyes and smile at him again. He got his wish shortly after one AM.

You stirred and squeezed his hand as you woke up. Your head felt worse than before and nothing felt right. You almost felt like you were drunk. Everything felt fuzzy and unreal. Your eyes widened in the dim moonlight as they landed on a figure you had never seen before, at least not in this form. You were looking at Shoto with such awe and confusion, he was a little taken aback.

“Are you an angel?”

If your expression had taken him by surprise, your question absolutely stunned him.

“I’m not an angel, (y/n). How are you feeling?”

You pouted, scrunching your face in pain. 

“I feel dead. And you are an angel. You knew my name and I feel dead, and you’re too attractive to be human. That’s just facts.” You pointed out, hand slipping from his to rest on his cheek.

You were beyond adorable and he was honestly glad to see you awake again.

“I fail to see the logic behind that, but I’m more concerned with the feeling dead part. I can confirm that you are not dead, but you are really sick. Here, drink some water.”

He gently removed your hand and helped you sit up a little bit, bracing the back of your neck as he held a cup to your lips.

You thankfully sipped the offered water, the coolness soothing your sore throat. You gave him a weak smile once you had drank what you could. Your eyes tiredly looked over your so-called angel and you let out a small gasp.

“Your eyes are grey and blue! Just like my Shoto!” Your eyes widened with panic after a second.

“My cat! Angel, if I’m dead, who’s going to take care of him?! I need to go back! I need to make sure he’s alright! He’s going to think I abandoned him.”

You started to sluggishly claw at the blankets around you, struggling to get your body to respond.

Shoto carefully pushed you back down, shushing your cries and murmuring reassurances until you had settled down a bit. You now had tears making tracks down your face as you looked at him desperately, mind still foggy from the fever.

“Promise me he’s okay? I made a promise to make sure he was loved! I don’t want him to be alone or hurting again, he needs me!”

His heart clenched at your words and he crouched beside, cupping your cheek with one hand, thumb wiping away the tears that had escaped.

“It’s alright, (y/n). Shoto is alright. He’s more worried about you right now. You’re not dead, you’re safe and so is he. I need you to calm down and try to sleep, okay? You can see Shoto in the morning. You have to rest for me now, alright?”

You gave a small nod and settled back against the pillow. You tilted your head to the side a little and kissed the palm of his hand where it still rested against your face.

“Thank you angel… I’ll try and sleep. I need to get better for Shoto.”

A small warm smile spread across his face and you drifted off with the thought that the angel’s smile was the prettiest thing you had ever seen in your life.

*******

When you awoke the next morning, you were still in a lot of pain, but you were definitely more lucid. You moved to stretch, but found an unfamiliar weight in your way. You looked to your side to see your hand was caught in the grasp of a sleeping man. You truthfully should have been freaked out, but you were oddly calm. Nothing like waking up to find the literal man of your dreams at your bedside. Rather than wake him, you took this time to drink in his features. In the morning light, you noted the odd coloring of his hair. It wasn’t until he shifted that you got a good look at his face. When you did, you heart nearly stopped. He had a red scar covering his eye on the left side of his face! Not only that, the placement was exactly like the marking on your cat. 

He must have felt the difference in your grip because he slowly started to stir. Your theory of shapeshifting cats was now gaining a whole lot of evidence as you locked eyes with a gorgeous set of mismatched eyes you would recognize anywhere.

“S-shoto? You’re human.” Your already scratchy voices sounded even more strained as you were struck in shock.

The man in question just gave a small nod and placed the back of his hand against your forehead.

“Your fever is gone. How are you feeling?”

You blinked. You were having trouble processing, but his total nonchalance was equally as jarring as the situation was.

“I’m feeling… confused. And sore. “

He nodded and offered you a cup of water which you gratefully took from him. Your memories of the night before slowly returned as you both stared at each other in silence. It seems like as he was in his feline form, he wasn’t very talkative.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” You mumbled, a shy smile crossing your face.

A small smile of his own formed and you nearly choked on your water.

“Of course, I couldn’t stand by while the girl I love suffers.”

 Once again you nearly choked on your water. He frowned and took the glass from you before you accidentally drowned yourself. 

“I think you should try to rest some more. I’ll go make you some food and we can talk then.”

He stood as he made his announcement. He hesitated for just a moment before he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and walked out.

You sat in stunned silence. You absolutely had questions, but right now you were going to do as your angel had asked. You were smitten and from the way he acted… so was he. You looked forward to learning more about who he was and how he came to be in your life, but you could wait and let him take care of you just a little while longer...

[ladybeug]

Okay remember the chloe breakup playlist? 

@peachesandheather​ and @chaotictaste​ THANKS FOR ASKING i know its way later but i would LOVE to break this playlist down lets get GOING! 

this is a follow up to THIS post. 

CONTEXT:  for this fanmix to read correctly, you need to know its an aged-up AU. Chloe’s grown a bit already, and she’s learned to value making other people happy just for the sake of making them happy. She joins the superhero gang and they all reveal identities and she dates marinette for a bit but realizes that marinette is still into adrien, and so chloe breaks up with her. That’s the facts, theres a drabble about it here if you want more emotional depth. 

LISTEN HERE ON SPOTIFY and follow along. There will also be links to youtube lyric videos if you prefer that. 

Without further ado: 

The Louvre - Lorde 

This is a key track. The title track. 

The metaphor of the louvre itself really sits with me. On the one hand, it’s The Louvre - an internationally recognized place to Put Important Things. What’s more, to put Art - beautiful things that defy description. And yet we keep trying. On the other hand, it’s The Louvre - there’s a suggestion that you’re not supposed to touch it. It’s precious enough that it needs to be preserved and displayed carefully - don’t knock into it. That’s a scary new relationship. Something extremely precious that you almost trust. 

Now remember the louvre metaphor, that one comes back in track 7. 

The rest of this breakdown is under the cut to spare the poor people just trying to scroll through tumblr. You guys enjoy your evening. Everyone else, follow me!!

If you’re reading this i love you thank you for indulging me. 

 You’re Gonna Make me Lonesome When You Go - Madeleine Peyroux 

Despite not being the title track, this is the song that inspired the whole playlist! I love it. Its layered. 

I like to imagine Chloe has a moment, like the calm before the storm, when she realizes she has to break up with marinette, and she feels almost zen about it. Maybe she’s been struggling with trying to open up and be vulnerable and ask for love. And finally she decides she doesn’t want to ask for love anymore, she’s tired of it, and she’s going to go back to pushing people away. For a moment it’s just a relief to stop trying, it’s comforting to revert to who she used to be in the face of losing marinette. 

This song has a resigned feel to it. It feels like someone who doesn’t quite really believe they deserve love. That’s a theme throughout this playlist too.

Lastly, in the context of the AU - chloe would feel good about giving marinette a chance to be with someone she really wants to be with. She’s grown a lot since she was a kid and likes to be the kind of person who cares about others. It’s bittersweet but feels a little... right. 

Call it Off - Tegan & Sara 

They break up. 

Paper Bag - Fiona Apple 

Chloe takes it back, it doesn’t feel ‘bittersweet but a little... right’!! It sucks!! 

This one’s about chloe feeling sorry for herself about having to break up with Marinette. It’s bitter and frustrated, it says why can’t I have nice things?? It’s about being SO close to love - so close you could taste it - and having to cut yourself off. 

It also has that resigned feel to it - the need to starve yourself of love because you can’t have it. The disbelief in a happy ending, and a little bit of self blame.

Woke Up New - The Mountain Goats 

This is the other side of the breakup coin. If ‘Paper Bag’ is the bitterness and reflection on how chloe feels about breaking up, ‘Woke Up New’ is just about... not having marinette. 

It removes the self-reflection and the over-thinking. It’s just about loss. You miss someone. And I think chloe would miss marinette. She’s been lonely before, and for a while she didn’t feel lonely, and now she feels lonely again - it’s uncomplicatedly sad. It’s just a sad moment. 

Be Mine! - Robyn 

Okay now we turn up the tempo a little, we’ve been sad, we’ve been self-reflective, bring on the poor coping mechanisms! Turn up the volume, pour yourself a drink, and get a little mad about your breakup!

But also dont forget to be kind of resigned and defeatist about it. That’s still crucial and will continue to be crucial for a little longer. 

Fists Up - BLOW 

This is another key song, and is our second reference to the Louvre. 

But it brings a third, new aspect to the Louvre, that Lorde didn’t bring. The security of the Louvre. BLOW says, ‘my love is a fortress, my love is the louvre, but it can’t ever thrive if i’m forced to keep proving it’. There’s the same suggestion that love is worth valuing, but also reminds us that love is difficult to access - which is absolutely true for chloe, who protects herself instinctively. She’s always been very defensive, and part of growing has been fighting to overcome that instinct - it’s what let her get so close to marinette in the first place. But it didn’t work out, which is bitter, and makes her angry. There’s almost a self-righteousness, trying to blame someone else for not treating you precious enough. 

Also worth noting that this song is about the internal fight between hope and defeat in a relationship. Chloe ended the relationship with ladybug because she didn’t believe it would work, and she doesn’t believe she’s enough. But it’s so hard to stop hope, which makes defeat more painful.

Shampain - Marina and the Diamonds 

Remember when we started drinking to Robyn’s “Be Mine”? We are drinking a LOT more now and we are SO COOL and DONE thinking about this. We are NOT SAD ANYMORE!!! ITS FINE!! 

Hurricane Drunk - Florence & the Machine 

Chloe is still very drunk and is now being sad on purpose. 

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

Now it’s 3 am and chloe is not that drunk anymore but she is soooo so so sad. Chloe misses her girlfriend sooo much. this sucks this sucks this sucks alcohol did not help??? how come that didnt work?? 

If you wanna get creative this is the scene where chloe shows up on marinettes balcony and makes a scene and marinette takes her home and tucks her in very kindly and very platonically. 

Gotta Have You - The Weepies 

This song is on the cusp of acceptance. This playlist is admittedly like... a little depressing, especially as I write it all out - theres a lot of wrestling with self-esteem, and fighting loneliness. That’s hard. This song is tired. It’s tried everything. 

It’s the thematic foil to ‘You’re Going To Make Me Lonesome When You Go’. Both songs have the same gentle, steady rhythm. In the first, chloe was in the relationship, sad but accepting that the relationship would end. Now, she’s out of the relationship, and she just wants to be back in. But there’s a little bit of that same acceptance. 

This song feels like saying out loud what you want, and even though you can’t have it, the fact that you know what it is and you can say it feels good. 

Go Ahead - Rilo Kiley

Alright guys we’re solidly in acceptance by now. We’re out of the heavy emotional woods. We’ve made it. 

This song is bittersweet and not a truly happy one, but it holds a genuine wish for someone else’s happiness that hasn’t appeared in most of the songs in this playlist. It’s reminiscent of the wish chloe had in the first place, to end the relationship not only to protect herself but to give marinette a chance to be happy. To do a good and selfess thing. 

It’s both. It’s sad and it’s good. It’s complex. 

New Years Day - Taylor Swift 

This is the third key song. And it’s a truly beautiful one. 

This song ties us back to the beginning, and says do you remember what all this fuss is really about? What was so important that you put it in the Louvre?

Chloe is still on a team with marinette. There’s a point at which she would have to choose to cut marinette off, or... figure out something else. This song is about figuring out something else. The ‘what comes next’ of a difficult relationship. They don’t get back together, but they stay friends, even if its weird, and even when chloe feels left out or marinette doesn’t know what to say. But they want to stay in each others lives. And it’s worth the work.

A Fairytale Ending - The Boy Least Likely To 

A reflection on how difficult it is to grow and face life head on, and how it changes you.

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

We have to have some closure here. It’s going to be okay. 

THATS THE PLAYLIST 

Pretty somber now that I have it all written out like that. but still a great one.

[thatringboy]

All of my other TWST HCs

Because my Twisted Wonderland Headcanons have been my most popular posts, here I am giving the mob what they want! An almost complete list of Headcanons I have about every character and house!

This is by far my longest post and it took me three days to type, so I hope you guys get a laugh out of it!

WARNING: THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS ABOUT EACH CHARACTER. IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH ONE, PLEASE DON’T ATTACK ME OR OTHERS WHO SUPPORT MY HCS. JUST DON’T BE A DICK.

Heartslabyul

The word “Queen” is gender neutral

Frequently allows students from other houses to study with them

Recently expanded into two buildings dedicated just for dorms to house all of the students

Actually lots of words are gender neutral

Riddle

Does rebellious things with Trey sometimes

Actually struggled with gender for a while because of his mother and responds to all pronouns (he/she/they), but identifies as male

Sometimes uses the label “Androgynous Male”

Is attracted to Trey, but he can’t tell if it’s because of his childhood or because he genuinely likes his Vice DH

Has Tea Time TM with Vil

Abolished gender roles in NRC despite it being an all guys school

During Summer Vacation he wears jean shorts and mint green tank tops with red flip flops

Has a pet crab that is red and named “Queen” despite Riddle not knowing Queen’s gender

Queen is the mascot for Heartslabyul despite being a sea creature

We stan Queen the Crab in this house.

Trey

Enjoys breaking the rules with Riddle, even if it’s not very often

He dyed his hair green as a joke with Cater during his first year, but decided to keep it 

Has fallen for Riddle. Hard.

But between his dignity, his position and him not knowing if Riddle likes men, he won’t say anything that could ruin the friendship

Rook found out by accident and actually helps Trey try to work up the courage to ask Riddle out, but Trey always backs down

Invented a type of Tea that soaks clover leaves and it tastes like vanilla mixed with mint

Cater

#SELFIE

Not really a drama queen, but will egg on fights for views

Sometimes his clones will develop different accents and that’s how you tell them apart

Has a pansexual flag in his room

Spends more time partying in Scarabia than in Heartslabyul

Is close friends with Kalim and actually crushed on him for a bit, but got over it once he noticed the way he looks at Jamil

Actually gives good relationship advice

Deuce

Was Bi-Curious during his Pre-NRC days and actually tried to put it behind him like everything else

However, like, everyone at NRC is some flavor of gay

So he gave up on his internalized homophobia and now lives his full authentic life!

Still uses the labels Bi-Curious and Questioning and often goes to Cater for advice

But his buddies love and support him no matter what

Is a huge feminist

Cater fully believes that Deuce likes Ace, but he actually doesn’t

Deuce admits when men are attractive, no matter if it makes them uncomfortable or not

Didn’t go over well with Jack

But the two are cool now

Ace

Probably one of the straightest guys you’ll ever meet besides Rook

Actually learned what the different teas smell like so that he never messed up again

Enjoys his fights with Grim, even if Grim is a little shit

Like seriously Grim is a little flying rat shit turd fuck but that’s just my opinion

Almost never learns from his mistakes and always pays the price

Chaotic Good.

Loves going on adventures with the Prefect and Grim!

Has never gone back to the Mostro Lounge without Jack or the Prefect

Also got really into Mermaid culture and regularly goes back to the Atlantica Memorial Museum to talk with that one guard

Has memorized the script from the Little Mermaid

Can sing You Pour, Unfortunate Soul in a perfect baritone vibrato despite his high voice

Also takes singing lessons from Azul, but only if someone else is in the room with them

Savanaclaw

Throws pool parties regularly

Octavinelle is almost always invited

Magift between the two houses is insane

Leona

Raging Bisexual, need I say more?

Goes to great lengths to find loopholes and just be lazy

Also goes to great lengths to help Ruggie

Hates his brother, but loves Cheka and his sister-in-law

Can’t properly digest seafood, but eats in in front of Azul and the Leech twins just to be a bitch

Is kinda clingy

Even if he doesn’t want to, he goes to all of the Savanaclaw vs Octavinelle vs Pomfiore karaoke battles

Can’t sing for shit, but likes to watch Ruggie and Jack duet and destroy everyone

Constantly reminds Malleus about the time they swapped robes

Actually swaps clothing with Malleus quite often on purpose to see how they feel

Ruggie

A good singer

But kinda self conscious about it??

Also a Raging Bisexual

Play flirts a lot with Leona, even though they don’t like one another like that

Is FtM Transgender, fully transitioned, and wears his scarf to cover the fact that he doesn’t have much chest hair and his scars

Only Leona and Crowley know

Gets a little dysphoria because his voice is still so high and because he’s shorter than everyone in Savanaclaw, but takes one look at Riddle, Lila and Ace and forgets about it

Jack suspects, but the two make a killer duo during karaoke!

Jack

Is straight, but won’t get in your face about it

Actually learned how to become a fast swimmer just to flex on Jade and Floyd

Has memorized almost all of Heartslabyul’s rules just because he didn’t want to be disrespectful

Arm wrestles with Floyd often

Helps out in the Mostro Lounge pretty often when he’s bored

His karaoke skills are out of this world!

Also has memorized the layout for Ramshackle Dorm just so he wouldn’t get lost in there

Tsundere? Maybe.....

Knows something’s different about Ruggie, but can’t figure it out

Respects privacy like crazy

Just a cool guy to be around

Octavinelle

Hosts the karaoke battles

Now pays their employees in the Mostro Lounge

Gives free singing lessons

Azul

Choir Gay TM

Aromantic Homosexual

Constantly has Boss Bitch by Doja Cat in his head

Actually has shit handwriting and it made his Golden Contracts all the much more powerful

His handwriting is beautiful underwater, though

When he’s feeling lazy, Azul transforms into his Merman form and uses his 8 extra arms to do things for him

Has a single picture from his childhood that he has not edited (or tried to edit)

It’s of him, Jade and Floyd graduating Junior High

All three of them are linking arms and smiling brightly

It sits on his nightstand in a golden frame

Gives most of the singing lessons

But doesn’t participate in the karaoke battles

“I’ll join if Leona joins.”

Petty about the karaoke

Jade

Once swapped clothing styles with Floyd for an entire day and was just chaotic towards everyone

Does this more often now just to relieve stress

Only the Prefect could ever tell them apart

Not even Azul knew they had swapped

Is Pansexual and liked Azul during Junior High, but got over it once they started at NRC

Can scare someone so badly that they tell the truth regardless of Jade using his magic

50 students were asked who they’d rather have to fight, 42 of them said “Floyd all the way! No way am I fighting Jade!”

Was actually popular in Junior High, but turned down opportunities to be more popular to spend time with Floyd and Azul

Can cuss in 8 languages

Floyd

When he swapped clothing with Jade, he actually enjoyed being calm and responsible

Loves to do things like that for Jade

Raging Homosexual, need I say more?

His Bakugou impression is on point

There are several videos of him just standing at the end of a dark hallway laughing and whispering “Die, Deku!”

Also really likes Volleyball despite being on the Basketball team

Takes Bean Day a lot farther than it needs to be

Flirts with Riddle a lot, knowing it upsets Trey

But doesn’t know that Trey actually likes Riddle

Has sea related nicknames for everyone

Scarabia

Everyone has to help take care of Snake

Monthly competitions where Kalim hands out free vacations

The competitions involve taking care of Snake

Who is Snake? You’ll see.

Kalim

When he learned what Pansexual was, he went around Scarabia clapping pans together to come out

Cater was the one who explained it to him

Loves to party and flirt with Jamil, but can be serious if needed

Sometimes holds group therapy for his dorm residents

But also PARTY 24/7 IF IT HAS ALCOHOL WE CHUGGIN’ TONIGHT!

PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT

Named his magic carpet “Jamil Jr.”

Flexes on Azul with Jamil Jr.

Is open about his attraction to Jamil, but also respects Jamil’s personal space

He and Lila sneak out at night to mess with people

Jamil

Has a pet snake that he never named

Just calls the snake “Snake”.

When Jamil’s busy, other residents take turns taking care of Snake

There is an entire chore chart and half of the chores involve Snake

Snake isn’t even the dorm mascot, he’s just Jamil’s pet

Tsundere TM

The only reason he doesn’t accept Kalim’s professions of love is because of his family obligations to serve the Al-Asim family

Takes family and traditions very seriously

Internalized homophobia? Maybe....

Petty as well

Has poured sand into people’s shoes and hidden scorpions in beds

Pomfiore

Usually wins the karaoke battles

Unless Ruggie + Jack join

Make up tips

Vil

I’ve said most of my HCs about him

But I’ll retype them

Wine Mom TM

Musical Theatre Gay TM

Tea Time TM

Fashion Police TM

NRC James Charles

But also respective of people’s sexualities

Has poured water into people’s makeup

Has attempted to give Rook a make over, but Rook is more acrobatic then he looks

Has never actually sung in public

Likes to keep people guessing over his singing voice

Has a cherry apple tree in the school garden that he spends time every day taking care of

Runs NRC’s GSA

Rook

Heterosexual TM

Wears Doc Martens sandals with beige cargo shorts and white polo shirts when not in uniform

Can be seen back-flipping away in this outfit while Vil chases him around the dorm

Is allergic to strawberries

Epel’s bodyguard

Throws rotten fruit at people and calls it a prank

His bangs were by accident

But decided to keep them

Pretends to hunt, but can’t shoot for shit

However does go on fishing trips

Has to have some Heterosexual Hobbies TM

Epel

Is an actual Prince

Like owns land

Everyone in the dorm protects him

Is actually like Honey Senpai

Will put you in your place.

Like fr is a top.

Despite being so small

I don’t know what his sexuality would be

Probably Bisexual

Can lower is voice a lot if needed

Ignihyde

There’s magic inside of the dorm that turns all fire blue, but the fire turns back to normal once outside the dorm

Doesn’t apply to Ortho’s hair, though

Has the most LGBT residents - even more than Pomfiore surprisingly

Actually, not surprising - have you seen Disney’s Hades????

Iida

Cat-sits for Professer Trein

Everyone believes he can set his hair on fire, but he actually can’t

His hair is naturally that fire-y color

Loves to prank people, but never in person

Social Anxiety? Personified.

Before he rebuilt Ortho, Iida had a robot he controlled from his room that went to class for him

The robot was named “Meg”

Now he just uses his screens

Owns a crop top that has a cat face on it that Ortho made for him

Actually wears it a lot, but nobody ever sees below his shoulders on his screens

Oh yeah, also constantly questioning his sexuality

Currently likes guys, but that might just be because he goes to an all-guys school

Ortho

Has tons of cat plushies in his room despite not needing to sleep

Also has a mini library in his room, but he memorized all of the books

Burns things with his hair

Also sews a lot

Spills tea about the dorm residents with Trey, Jamil and Lilia

Has a couple pictures from before he became a robot, but doesn’t remember taking them

Has a bulletin board where he hangs pictures of his friends and family

Actually takes photography classes from Cater

Doesn’t focus on sexuality, so he just goes with “Queer”

People assume he’s scared of water because of his fire hair, but he loves playing in pools

Once cosplayed as Alphonse Elric and Iida was Edward from FML

Has pictures of that as well

Diasomnia

Basically one big family

Even more-so than other dorms like Ignihyde

Has a vault of hard liquor that has been sitting there for centuries

Malleus

Responds to Tsunotaro

Smuggles hard liquor into Scarabia despite not being a drinker

Has a YouTube account where he visits old buildings

Floyd ruined his Ramshackle Dorm video by standing at the end of a hallway and laughing

Can turn into a Dragon

His horns aren’t sensitive

Lilia once hung Christmas lights from them and Malleus didn’t notice for the entire day

Sometimes Lilia jumps and pulls on Malleus’ horns when he’s being dumb

Polysexual, but leans towards men

When he looks surprised by something - he genuinely is surprised, not faking it for someone else

Doesn’t believe in hiding emotions

Is actually like 300 years old, but was frozen for a good amount of it

Also immortal and is stuck at being physically 18

Damn Fairy magic

Oh and he didn’t mind wearing Leona’s ceremonial robes that one time

They were comfy

Enjoys swapping clothes with Leona a lot

Also had a crown made of thorns that is uncomfortable to wear

He burned it, but hasn’t told anyone yet

Takes the term “mom friend” to another level

Just ask Silver

Lilia

Only calls Malleus “old man” to be a prick

Is like 500 years old

Has gone through high school many times

Can undo stitches in people’s clothing without them knowing until their clothing falls apart

Asexual Homoromantic

“Who needs sex when you can be a bitch?” - Lilia Vanrouge, 2020

Is Malleus’ royal advisor

Spills tea like crazy

Has catfished people

Is the cool dad

Sebek

Is a Malleus fanboy???

He named his horse Draco

I don’t have many Headcanons about Sebek actually

Probably drinks tea with Riddle sometimes

Oh and definitely a bottom

Is he Bi? Poly? Pan? No one knows

But he’s a power bottom

Silver

Doesn’t have a last name because he was raised by Lilia and Malleus

Is indebted to Malleus because of this

and Lilia too, but like I said, Lilia is the cool dad

(he is actually indebted to Malleus in canon, but idk if it’s for this reason or not)

just let him have two platonically gay dads that go to school with him

Once in a Diasomnia/Savanaclaw sleepover, he and Leona passed out on each other’s shoulders while Ruggie and Lilia took photos

The photos haven’t been seen in a while, but are still around somewhere

Actually has several photos of him falling asleep with his head in Lilia’s lap

His bed stretches across his entire wall, forming a bench almost

Owns a suit of armor

It has a sword

He can use the sword if needed

Can he just get a nap????

Because of his relationship with Malleus, seeing fireflies calms him down

Is this guy wholesome? Yes.

Is he a Bisexual top? Also yes.

Can’t make everything wholesome

Holy fuck my fingers hate me. If you managed to read this far, I hope you enjoyed my headcanons for Twisted Wonderland students and houses! I don’t know enough about the teachers to make headcanons for each them, but I do have one for the staff:

Sam and Dire Crowley

Married

This is the only reason Sam runs the school store

Sam is not qualified for anything else

But Dire loves him too much to fire him

Forget the wholesomeness between the Dorm heads and their Vices

This is the most wholesome pair

Okay seriously - I need to stop making these headcanons it’s midnight at my house. I’ve spent probably close to 13 hours (give or take with a lot of breaks) writing these down and doing research on characters just so that my headcanons don’t seem completely out of the blue. Also, don’t be afraid to post your own headcanons, even if canon doesn’t always support them. That’s the thing about fictional characters - they’re open to interpretation!

And now to the long list of tags....

[josy57]

Philosophy 101

You asked me why I wanted to attend your class. Again. To sit in the back row, silent and watchful The proverbial fly on the wall Only half-welcomed and sourly out of place

I said it was interesting, full of things that could be transferred Transferred yes, but not to what I was implying I have no professional use for my careful observation I am feeding a more private need So, having no plans to lie I added what you must have taken as mere flattery That it was also for my pleasure -The ever-fleeting pleasure of nostalgia Always a receding wave- You nodded, but I don't think you fully understood And I of course couldn't fully explain I loved your class, with all my heart, with all my aching brain As a child, I used to writhe and wrestle with my sheets With my thoughts too I couldn't sleep, so I debated the great questions As though I was the first to ever think of them Why do we use the words we do? Why do certain sounds signify, While others are only noise? Who are we to decide, to categorize, to dissect? And why are we even here? For how long? And since we do die, why does it matter? Does anything matter? And why all those questions? Can one ever reach certainty? Or is this world only quicksand and moving goalposts?

This place, this room, This air filled with your booming voice, your constant pacing That's where I found, not answers, but echoes to all my questioning Where I knew it was not insane to wonder Where I could voice it Argue, point, prod Feel for the nodes and knots of human experience Do all that and hear someone who cared too, Who would engage with those concepts, each wide as a precipice And so thorny it stung on all sides

I found some piece of myself here, I put it together And it's been useful ever since But I've also left something behind Something like youth, or innocence Some years when I was afforded the luxury Of sitting and listening to you for nine hours a week Just pouring knowledge and effort on us all Whether or not we deserved it I hope I did. I tried very hard to I was only one of the many mayflies You nurse for a while and let go, year after year, Usually never to hear from again But I never wanted you to feel I was a waste of your time A disappointment What it is like, looking at me now? Am I not less than what you had wished for? Or are you proud? Comforted that one of your frail paper boats Made it back to your shore Not across to some new territory But safely back on dryland Not wrecked nor wayward, at least from the outside

Perhaps that's what I miss That someone would look at me with pride That someone would talk to me about all those things So deeply important to me So seemingly weightless in our modern lives You spoke and you listened, you valued what I had to say That made a difference in my life More than I could ever express Because that's not a thing people do, right? Not even in philosophy We speak of love and attachment and identity But one must never say “I”

 Today the subject was truth and knowledge And while you promised to soon tackle desire I scanned the backs of all those bored faces Do they not know, do they not feel, How vital it all is? Beyond the formal exercise, the pages of clumsy essays, How burning those questions are? "Am I what I am aware of being?" "Does awareness impede or lead to happiness?" "Can any person ever be fully known?"

He alone loved this place as I do Felt its soul settle into his bones Like the dampness seeping from the walls And he too, I know, wondered, questioned, struggled Ached for more than surface can offer Him. That’s another thing you don’t know about me Another thing that even in philosophy, you can’t quite discuss Though it permeated all the pages of my old copybooks Darker and messier than a spilled inkpot Especially at certain points When Plato spoke of humans cut in halves Lost and searching When Stendhal said that desire strews all things with salt crystals I, for one, have certainly jeweled my late adolescence Candied it in a melancholy glaze

Still, my memory is not so short that I have forgotten The thousand little hells, the many small agonies of this age But I do envy it I remember when the world still had a sharp edge When it hurt in earnest, instead of pressing dully, as it does now Piling stones upon stones on my chest Back then, I had hope my life would begin soon There was still time Now I only wonder: Is it really all that comes of potential, of effort -Of all those words grown-ups lecture you with-? I played their games and reaped meager rewards A ticket for another trip round the revolving door This time looking through a thick pane of glass Lingering on the threshold of two phases Both of which I am ill-equipped for

I’ve always had an uneasy concept of chronology My internal clock spinning like a broken compass First too stern, too mature for my years And then, suddenly, unripe and lagging Then and now. It all bleeds into one here. So it is safe, this in-between, this hour out of the hourglass A gasp of air, a break in the slow drowning The constant march towards the void For that’s what it comes down to The passing of time and our human perception of it An enigma that no numbers game can settle

Nowadays, I don’t just peek over my shoulders anymore I walk through this gilded cage holding the keys of the castle I open and close doors, I stand on the wrong side of the dais Of what once was my kingdom Not one I ruled but one I belonged in I was more than a trespasser then I existed in a certain time and place This 'dasein" escapes me now As it escaped me in childhood Then too, I watched the world through a tainted window I was never fully real but for those two years or so That’s why I have no good answer: I came here today in a vain attempt Even in those halls, in this class I can't recapture it I only glance at your present students With the sourness of heartburn like a fist under my ribs

I can't help but look at them haughtily, thinking: "This is not what we were At least not him and I" I bite my tongue, not wanting to say what I feel That ours was a golden age One they could never reproduce, never fully understand Because, of course, it's false, it's myopic This bright mist has settled on my eyes The same milky film that blurs old folks' sight "Back in my days..." As if those days were ever ours You see, Kant was right about one thing, None of us lives in the real world Like tiny planets, prideful little gods We view the whole of existence as revolving around us Dimming as we lose light Dying once we die The truth is 'our' world survives our passing We visit it only as ghosts.

[imagine-loki]

Hiding in Plain Sight

TITLE: Hiding in Plain Sight CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter Three AUTHOR: wolfpawn ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé.

You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other.

How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies?

RATING: General Audience

Raven had been sorting a few things while Loki was bathing. She thought little of it though she felt he needed some salts to alleviate his obvious muscle aches. There was some at the very back of the cabinet that contained other bathing items he liked. It was unopened and clearly there for a considerable time but the great thing about salts, she knew, was the older, the better. She forewent the usual bubbling mixtures and scents and just used them and a splash of lavender. Any pain Loki was feeling would soon evaporate with that. 

Less than ten minutes after Loki entered the bath, the door to his rooms opened and a woman entered. For a moment, both women looked at each other in surprise. 

“Can I…?” Raven was about to ask the clearly well-bred and wealthy young woman as to if she could assist her in any manner. 

“What are you doing here?” The woman demanded. 

There was a millisecond in which Raven thought the woman knew who she was with the conviction in which she spoke. “I…”

“Get out, servant.” Raven stood still. “Are you deaf?”

“I’m thankful to say that I am not but I am afraid that I cannot fulfil to your request. I am in the employ of Prince Loki and only he or another more senior member of the Aesir royal family or my own superiors can demand such of me.” Raven smiled brightly. 

“I dare say Mother Dearest brought you in to get him used to Light Elves before that pompous twit comes. Norns, Loki was right, you all do look so dull and dim.” The woman snarled at her. 

Raven felt as though she had taken a hit to her very being at the comments the woman was making. Not that she herself was making them, as clearly, she was anything but a nice creature but that they were the regurgitated words of Loki. To hear that he thought so little of those he knew nothing of hurt her deeply. “Opinions on appearances are very much open to debate as it is at the discretion of each individual to find someone attractive or not. Now, can I assist you with anything or are you merely here to make a nuisance of yourself?”

“How dare you speak to me in such a manner, you filthy…Where are you going?”

“I have duties to do for His Highness. I don’t have time for this.” 

“Do you have any idea who I am?”

“As you are not the Princess of Alfheim, I can’t imagine that it is overly important as to who you are as you are not to be the Prince’s wife so safe in that knowledge, I really could not care less as to who you are.” Raven thought over the few other duties that would need doing while Loki was bathing to take her mind over the more obvious situation as to what this particularly unpleasant woman was doing in the rooms of the man who would be called her husband. Neither she nor Loki were required to be virgins on their marrying and as they were at an age where she expected him to at the very least have past girlfriends, overall, she did not feel she should be offended if he was not one since that would have been hypocritical but with the knowledge that he was soon to be married, she would have hoped that he would show her some modicum of respect and not sleep around or worse, have a mistress through their engagement, even if they had yet to stand together on it. With the agreement signed, everything else was merely pageantry to what was declared. It hurt her if she was honest. 

“That dim twit, she will have to get used to me because I will be here when she arrives and while she may wear the tiaras and have her pretty dresses, I will have Loki’s interest.” The nameless woman sneered joyously. “I will have Loki deal with you.”

“I am shaking in my shoes.” Raven had an issue with sarcasm. Her father always warned her of that but his reprimands were never as strong as he would have liked them to be as she was the only girl amongst four sons. She could not best her brothers in rough and tumble play but her wit was as swift as theirs. 

“You will rue the day you met me.” 

It took everything in Raven’s power to not state that she did so already for nothing more than the inconvenience if nothing else.

“Useless Light Elves, Loki was right about you all.” With that final statement and still without a name, the woman departed. 

Raven worked aggressively through her frustration at what the woman had just said. How she referenced Light Elves in general and her in particular. She worked aggressively at how the woman’s thoughts echoed Loki’s and she worked angrily at the hurt of it all. The fact that this horrible creature would be the man she would have to marry broke her heart. He saw Light Elves as beneath him. She had seen herself that there was something in his features on reference to her in their earlier discussions that told her he had no time for her.

When he exited his bathing rooms, she snapped and spat those words at him, her wounded ego, her pride in herself, her people, all of it hurt by the man standing in front of her and his horrid partner. She stormed out with no real plan of what she was going to do, she just needed to get away. Part of her wanted to go to Frigga and tell her what she found out and hope the monarch would call it off. Part of her did not even want to waste time doing that. But where would she go? Her parents would not accept her reasons as valid enough to break a pact with Asgard. Mistresses were not as commonplace in the modern era but they did exist. She would be told to get on with it. Give him a son or two and bear whatever came. A mistress was not a wife, they would not hold the standing she would. Something so inconsequential would not be worth the risk of breaking the pact. To do that would be spitting in the face of the most powerful of the realms. It would make enemies of many long-time allies. She stopped and sighed. Thinking of it like that, she knew there was nothing she could do. She could not fail Alfheim like that, her happiness did not supersede her realm. 

“Sweetheart?” Raven turned to see Frigga behind her. Seeing the turmoil in her face, Frigga excused her ladies. “Raven, what is wrong?”

Raven had learnt over the years to hold a stoic exterior, even if her heart was breaking but the kind manner in which the Allmother questioned her blatantly unhappy wellbeing caused her to hiccup for a moment before inhaling deeply and raising her head. “Just homesickness, Allmother. Nothing more.” she smiled. 

The look Frigga gave her told her that the older woman did not buy her explanation in the slightest but the Allmother knew from her appearance that Raven would not allow the wall she was hiding her woes behind down. “Understandable. It can be very overwhelming to come to a new realm, I understand.” The way Frigga stood beside her told Raven that she wished for her to walk with her. At that moment, she would rather boil her own foot off but she knew she could not decline so taking another deep breath to steady her breathing, she walked along just a step or two behind the monarch as a sign of her being of lower standing. 

“I take it you have met my son in one of his more sombre moods.”

“Sombre?”

“He and his brother are prone to skirmishes. When only brute strength is involved, Thor wins more often. I saw my sons wrestle in the training grounds, as well as Thor’s less than honourable tactic that gave him the win. I know Loki feels cheated at such times leading to him becoming less than happy with things.” 

“He did seem somewhat peeved on his return to his rooms, yes but he did not share his thoughts with me. Though he seemed to appreciate my being concerned for him having leaves and twigs in his hair and muck on his face.”

Frigga gave a small smile. “He needs someone to show him some care and compassion. He is missing such in his life now.”

It took everything in her arsenal for Raven to not show her anger and disgust at the thought of caring for someone that was so horribly cruel about her. If she had known before she showed her concern about how Loki felt about Ljósáfar, she would have gone to the training grounds to cheer on Thor herself. Instead of voicing her disdain, she merely nodded and continued to walk with Frigga. 

They walked for a time, speaking of different matters, Frigga trying to make Raven feel more comfortable on Asgard, not aware of her real issue. When they turned a corner to come face to face with a startled and confused looking Loki, both women ceased talking. 

“Mother.” He bowed dutifully to his mother. “I hope I am not interrupting anything?” he looked between the women as he spoke. 

Internally, Raven scoffed to herself. She knew what he was not saying, he very much hoped he was interrupting something, going by the way he was looking at her as if trying to see if her features would tell if she had regurgitated what had been said to her not too long before in his rooms. She kept her face emotionless and maintained eye contact, causing him to raise a brow. 

“I was merely speaking with your maid as she was saying that she misses Alfheim.” Frigga looked around at Raven who nodded slightly. “She looked like she needed a friendly ear.”

Loki looked at Raven again with slight remorse in his face but also fear that she would reveal his less than acceptable words on her realm to his mother. “I can only imagine.” There was no denying the disgust in her face as she turned to no longer face him, her disdain blatant. “I am sorry to come at such a time, however, I do require her again.”

Raven watched Loki’s demeanour around his mother. It was polite, but not a false one, something she could very much believe him to use commonly, but there was clear respect and love for her. She had to commend that to herself. A lot of men had little or no time for their mothers, but Loki clearly adored his. 

“Of course.” Frigga nodded. “But as she is new to your employment and she is somewhat dealing with her change in circumstance, do not be overly harsh on her.”

“I am never harsh with my maid.” Loki looked appalled at his mother. 

Again, Raven forced words to remain unsaid. She wanted to reveal herself and indeed his words, but she failed to do so and remained silent. With a slight nod, she put her head down as a maid could be expected to do and followed behind Loki after he bid farewell to his mother and walked back to the palace, dreading whatever it was he would say. 

[fizzingwizard]

I know you touched up on it in your recent writing, but I was wondering what you thought about the yagami sibling's "I'll never forgive you/you can hate me if you want" scene in the last tri movie? I think it presented such an interesting dynamic especially since, between the siblings, we usually get a lot more doting big brother yamato, making the ishida-takaishi boys feel a lot closer (though I might be remembering wrong, it could also be bc takeru was originally in the digiworld from the get go aka longer). I just wish we had gotten some time to have proper resolution (or hints of) as to how hikari and taichi make amends with each other.

Yeah, it's a great moment, and it's a shame that we don't get to see the aftermath. (side note: I do think it's an optical illusion due to Takeru having been with the group from the start that makes he and Yamato seem closer than Taichi and Hikari. I've always seen both sets of siblings as being very close.) I love what they did with them but it did make the ending feel a little cold: first the reactions to Taichi’s apparent “death” were very belated and then his return is marred by everything else going on... Tri just needed to be one movie longer (or Saikai and Ketsui should have been blended together in one :P)

I don't think Hikari blames Taichi or hates him. I think she does feel betrayed, at least in the sense that, until then, she and her brother always seemed to be on the same path, and now Taichi's made a unilateral choice to go down a different one. But she doesn't think it's an evil one, or she wouldn't have chosen to stay and fight. It's just different and not what she wants. But the reason he can't stay on that path is because he's had to confront his convictions and found they came up short, so he’s adjusted. So I think they would need time to recalibrate their relationship afterward. Taichi must look like someone Hikari doesn't quite know anymore. But she'd still believe that she does know him deep down. And he respects her. This isn't about "Hikari's naive" anymore than it's about "Taichi's evil." It's just their relationship evolving and the growing pains that go along with that.

I guess that's how best I can sum it up, but as I’m allergic to brevity, there’s more under the cut...

I am sure Hikari always assumed her brother shared the vision of the future that we see from her at the end of 02. But as early as Saikai, we can already see that Taichi's grip on that sort of idealism is shaky. At that time what he's worried about is making a mistake, collateral damage, things getting out of hand. But in Bokura no Mirai, it's not about what he can't control anymore, it's about controlling what he can.

In Kyousei, Taichi decides to kill Meicoomon once Meiko breaks down and says that's what she wants (which is another thing altogether). But at that time his resolve is shaky. Instead, he winds up sacrificing himself to protect Yamato and Meiko. Taichi's still our typical idea of a shonen hero at the end of Kyousei.

Bokura no Mirai picks up by handing Taichi what is essentially a riff on the trolley problem. And he wants the third choice: the way that saves everyone. But what Nishijima wants him to realize, I think, is that clinging to the hope that that third choice exists even without evidence is not the way that does no harm. That idealism comes with its own collateral damage. By running from the dilemma, he's saying he's willing to risk all of their lives on a fantasy. Then Nishijima forces the matter and makes the choice himself, and that forces Taichi to reevaluate his own views of life and death. It's no longer "all life is precious no matter what." Life and death are always connected and neither good nor evil.

Taichi returns to the others no longer unsure about what to do. He's accepted that continuing to try to save Meicoomon, at this point, is to treat other people's lives as less important. If, at that point, Koushirou or someone had said "I have an idea to save her," I think Taichi would have done it. But their hope for a miracle has so far only prolonged everyone's suffering - Meicoomon's, Meiko's, the world's. It's because no one has any more ideas and they are out of time that he chooses her death.

Because Meiko/Meicoomon were created just for Tri, and don't have the same status as the classic characters, it's... maybe not fair to call it a cop-out, but even in the framework of complex morality, the writers definitely didn't want to go as far as killing any fan favorites. So that's a degrees of separation thing. And I think Hikari's actions are meant to answer for that. She cares deeply about everyone. She values life indiscriminately, so her ideals don't allow her to arrive at the same conclusion as her brother.

But that doesn't make her naive. The fact that idealism can be harmful doesn't mean it's bad or childish. When Taichi tells her, "You stay that way," I don't think he's just being a doting older brother who doesn't want his baby sister to face the dark world. Hikari's faced plenty of darkness. I think we've always been shown that Taichi respects Hikari very much and I don't think he'd do her the disservice of treating her convictions as childish and his own epiphany as the one true path to adulthood. Instead, he wants her to continue to hold onto her ideals, because he knows it's only by continuing to value those ideals that they'll ever see the kind of future they wish for, and because he knows only someone like her can keep him in check.

Tri also gives a big cryptic spiel about how “the sensitive things are the most fragile” or something like that. And we see Hikari’s fragility when losing her brother causing her to wig out and somehow help cause Ordinemon. But the other thing we see with Hikari is her standing up to Homeostasis, trying to wrestle control back to herself. And it's the Ordinemon fusion that enables Tailmon to support Meicoomon. So even if we say her sensitivity makes her fragile, "fragility" can't be equated with "weakness." There are many fragile things in the world that have a hidden resilience and play an important role in the ecosystem. Hikari’s like that. That’s why her “idealistic” view isn’t silly or naive. It’s an essential part of being human - same as Taichi’s. It’s definitely on purpose that Hikari is the representative of “Light” which very obviously means “life” in Digimon, and Taichi’s huge play in Tri is about, as well as resulting from, death. They're put in contrast to each other.

That's what I think Hikari can't forgive: her brother is basically saying, "You choose your path, and I choose mine." If she had then stormed off and refused to fight, it would be one thing, but she doesn't - she stays and does her part. It's only natural that she'd feel disturbed with what they're doing. She doesn't look away though. She accepts her brother's worldview without sacrificing her own. I thought things would have to be rocky between them for a while afterward because they'd need time to realign, learn how to work together with different value sets. How to make those values support and balance each other rather than tear each other down.

It's not clear at the end of Bokura no Mirai that Taichi's made the right decision. I think that's the point - sometimes you just can't know, but you still have to decide. I'm sure the writers knew fans would be wont to side with their heroes, but that could be deceptive. Maybe that's why Hikari get so much attention in that last scene: the writers are telling us "You don't have to agree with this choice. But time moves forward with or without us."

Those are my thoughts for the moment at least... I guess it could just be “Taichi’s an adult now and helping the others step out of their childhood dreamworld” but I guess I just internally reject that. So maybe I’m wrong but... well, I prefer to think about it this way :P It was a hell of a thing to walk out of the theater like “did that really happen?” Tri just ripped off the idea of “escapist anime movie” and just took itself really seriously and that’s why I looooooove it. Like, I’m so glad we didn’t get a triumphant, feel-good ending. Wouldn’t have minded clearer answers to certain questions *cough* but Tri is definitely unforgettable.

[ariyadaivaris]

yeah yeah 205 etc heres notes i took while watching 4/2 ep

-commentary talking about devlin being "longest reigning cw champion of all time back to wcw" and talking about his legacy as though, aside from Everything Else, he has ever done anything as a champion at all, is absolutely fucking infuriating. he didn't do anything as champion before covid and he hasnt done anything as a champion because he was Taking Some Time Off while people decided you couldnt do TOO much about sexual assault, if you do anything to address how prevalent and widespread this shit actually is, how embedded it is into fucking everything, then Maybe You're Going Too Far ! its just. its so. i fucking hate this

-tony wincing in pain after his and ariya's punchy entrance routine. you are both so dumb <3

-"daivari said if he ever heard me speak before tony entered the arena, he'd have a few choice words for me. i am trying to stay on daivari's good side" what is wrong with that man. i love him (ariya). DON'T talk to me before i've had m

-it feels like tony and ariya are constantly arranged so one of them is Above the other doing their own thing not looking at their friend and the other is looking up and smiling at them. what do they mean by this.   -i will TELL you what they mean by this. just kidding i don't know but it feels like they are just a little out of step cosntantly. they are in the same BOOK and they COULD be on the same page but they constantly think the other is on a different page. ariya thinks that tony doesn't think he's a threat and that he needs tony to win and resents it a bit even if they are friends again. tony thinks ariya's great! just dandy. kind of a dipshit but tony's willing to forgive that bc it's not a big deal to him, really. they're very very close but they also don't always see how much they mean to the other person. very tragic...very sad...a heem heem

-bollyrise storyline my beloved

-gossips. teehee   -tony leans in like this to talk to ariya before matches a lot its very cute. i think ariya does it a little less, he initiated it before the soft reset a few times i think and was literally whispering and giggling behind his hand when he did. i love cartoon bullies

-ariya carelessly messing with the tag rope on the turnbuckle. i love when he is bitchy

-ariya is kind of a Cold Rage/Simmering person and tony is more like...idk a word right now. theyre like. its a difference between a rival character and a villain character you see. tony gives people a hard time, drags on them, and ariya cuts across them. if tony is there to give people a hard time, ariya is there to make their life miserable. tony doesn't have that same sharp killer instinct to him unless he's actively seeking revenge. which he isn't right now. tony employs revenge quests with thought and time. ariya seeks revenge against EVERYONE. ariya sees the entire world being against him. (it kind of is)

-i love 205 (i used to anyway) but it feels so long since ive been excited about anything on it...its very slice of life rn which is fine, there are still stories happening, but they are almost all woven offscreen and nothing like...BIG happens. yknow? very few consistent feuds, very few...PLOTS. the potential for something more but it's never fulfilled. i don't think it's just the pandemic (it should be. there should not be wrestling right now) especially because, like, cruiserweights on nxt are doing ladder matches and shit. i think dissolving most of 205's mainstays, like King Of Street Fights Akira Tozawa, means there's just...not a lot of thought given to like. i don't know! something that feels like a big deal! /i/ feel like some things are big deals but that's because i am constantly overthinking ariya's character development all the time! these moments aren't carved out in the space intentionally! it's so............sigh. i want to be excited about 205 again. i want to feel like there's something to look forward to besides my own internal storytelling and understanding of the cruiserweights as they could be/once were

-THE SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT IMMEDIATELY INTO THE TAG................SNIFFS SO LOUDLY

-tony really is a good wrestler

-ARIYA WAS FRAMED

-IM BOILING ariya gets wins dirty AND clean and people are constantly cheating to beat him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who is telling off grey!!!!! who is telling off samir!!!! commentary goes booooooo we hate your ariya with no provocation and ignores his record and everyone else cheating to beat him is all "oh well turnabout is fair play ^_^ you understand how it is" I HATE IT HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-i mean i also love that bollyrise actually got a win good for them!

[wolfpawn]

Hiding In Plain Sight, Chapter 3

Story Summary - Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé. You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other. How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies?

Chapter Summary - Raven has to deal with impolite Aesir socialites and insulting comments.

Previous Chapter

Tags - @peppermint-j  @alexakeyloveloki @cateyes315 @laserpente @bravotheroyalfool @teylacarter91 @heavenly1927

@myblissfulparadise - it won’t let me tag you.

Request if you wish to be tagged

Raven had been sorting a few things while Loki was bathing. She thought little of it though she felt he needed some salts to alleviate his obvious muscle aches. There was some at the very back of the cabinet that contained other bathing items he liked. It was unopened and clearly there for a considerable time but the great thing about salts, she knew, was the older, the better. She forewent the usual bubbling mixtures and scents and just used them and a splash of lavender. Any pain Loki was feeling would soon evaporate with that. 

Less than ten minutes after Loki entered the bath, the door to his rooms opened and a woman entered. For a moment, both women looked at each other in surprise. 

“Can I…?” Raven was about to ask the clearly well-bred and wealthy young woman as to if she could assist her in any manner. 

“What are you doing here?” The woman demanded. 

There was a millisecond in which Raven thought the woman knew who she was with the conviction in which she spoke. “I…”

“Get out, servant.” Raven stood still. “Are you deaf?”

“I’m thankful to say that I am not but I am afraid that I cannot fulfil to your request. I am in the employ of Prince Loki and only he or another more senior member of the Aesir royal family or my own superiors can demand such of me.” Raven smiled brightly. 

“I dare say Mother Dearest brought you in to get him used to Light Elves before that pompous twit comes. Norns, Loki was right, you all do look so dull and dim.” The woman snarled at her. 

Raven felt as though she had taken a hit to her very being at the comments the woman was making. Not that she herself was making them, as clearly, she was anything but a nice creature but that they were the regurgitated words of Loki. To hear that he thought so little of those he knew nothing of hurt her deeply. “Opinions on appearances are very much open to debate as it is at the discretion of each individual to find someone attractive or not. Now, can I assist you with anything or are you merely here to make a nuisance of yourself?”

“How dare you speak to me in such a manner, you filthy…Where are you going?”

“I have duties to do for His Highness. I don’t have time for this.” 

“Do you have any idea who I am?”

“As you are not the Princess of Alfheim, I can’t imagine that it is overly important as to who you are as you are not to be the Prince’s wife so safe in that knowledge, I really could not care less as to who you are.” Raven thought over the few other duties that would need doing while Loki was bathing to take her mind over the more obvious situation as to what this particularly unpleasant woman was doing in the rooms of the man who would be called her husband. Neither she nor Loki were required to be virgins on their marrying and as they were at an age where she expected him to at the very least have past girlfriends, overall, she did not feel she should be offended if he was not one since that would have been hypocritical but with the knowledge that he was soon to be married, she would have hoped that he would show her some modicum of respect and not sleep around or worse, have a mistress through their engagement, even if they had yet to stand together on it. With the agreement signed, everything else was merely pageantry to what was declared. It hurt her if she was honest. 

“That dim twit, she will have to get used to me because I will be here when she arrives and while she may wear the tiaras and have her pretty dresses, I will have Loki’s interest.” The nameless woman sneered joyously. “I will have Loki deal with you.”

“I am shaking in my shoes.” Raven had an issue with sarcasm. Her father always warned her of that but his reprimands were never as strong as he would have liked them to be as she was the only girl amongst four sons. She could not best her brothers in rough and tumble play but her wit was as swift as theirs. 

“You will rue the day you met me.” 

It took everything in Raven’s power to not state that she did so already for nothing more than the inconvenience if nothing else.

“Useless Light Elves, Loki was right about you all.” With that final statement and still without a name, the woman departed. 

Raven worked aggressively through her frustration at what the woman had just said. How she referenced Light Elves in general and her in particular. She worked aggressively at how the woman’s thoughts echoed Loki’s and she worked angrily at the hurt of it all. The fact that this horrible creature would be the man she would have to marry broke her heart. He saw Light Elves as beneath him. She had seen herself that there was something in his features on reference to her in their earlier discussions that told her he had no time for her.

When he exited his bathing rooms, she snapped and spat those words at him, her wounded ego, her pride in herself, her people, all of it hurt by the man standing in front of her and his horrid partner. She stormed out with no real plan of what she was going to do, she just needed to get away. Part of her wanted to go to Frigga and tell her what she found out and hope the monarch would call it off. Part of her did not even want to waste time doing that. But where would she go? Her parents would not accept her reasons as valid enough to break a pact with Asgard. Mistresses were not as commonplace in the modern era but they did exist. She would be told to get on with it. Give him a son or two and bear whatever came. A mistress was not a wife, they would not hold the standing she would. Something so inconsequential would not be worth the risk of breaking the pact. To do that would be spitting in the face of the most powerful of the realms. It would make enemies of many long-time allies. She stopped and sighed. Thinking of it like that, she knew there was nothing she could do. She could not fail Alfheim like that, her happiness did not supersede her realm. 

“Sweetheart?” Raven turned to see Frigga behind her. Seeing the turmoil in her face, Frigga excused her ladies. “Raven, what is wrong?”

Raven had learnt over the years to hold a stoic exterior, even if her heart was breaking but the kind manner in which the Allmother questioned her blatantly unhappy wellbeing caused her to hiccup for a moment before inhaling deeply and raising her head. “Just homesickness, Allmother. Nothing more.” she smiled. 

The look Frigga gave her told her that the older woman did not buy her explanation in the slightest but the Allmother knew from her appearance that Raven would not allow the wall she was hiding her woes behind down. “Understandable. It can be very overwhelming to come to a new realm, I understand.” The way Frigga stood beside her told Raven that she wished for her to walk with her. At that moment, she would rather boil her own foot off but she knew she could not decline so taking another deep breath to steady her breathing, she walked along just a step or two behind the monarch as a sign of her being of lower standing. 

“I take it you have met my son in one of his more sombre moods.”

“Sombre?”

“He and his brother are prone to skirmishes. When only brute strength is involved, Thor wins more often. I saw my sons wrestle in the training grounds, as well as Thor’s less than honourable tactic that gave him the win. I know Loki feels cheated at such times leading to him becoming less than happy with things.” 

“He did seem somewhat peeved on his return to his rooms, yes but he did not share his thoughts with me. Though he seemed to appreciate my being concerned for him having leaves and twigs in his hair and muck on his face.”

Frigga gave a small smile. “He needs someone to show him some care and compassion. He is missing such in his life now.”

It took everything in her arsenal for Raven to not show her anger and disgust at the thought of caring for someone that was so horribly cruel about her. If she had known before she showed her concern about how Loki felt about Ljósáfar, she would have gone to the training grounds to cheer on Thor herself. Instead of voicing her disdain, she merely nodded and continued to walk with Frigga. 

They walked for a time, speaking of different matters, Frigga trying to make Raven feel more comfortable on Asgard, not aware of her real issue. When they turned a corner to come face to face with a startled and confused looking Loki, both women ceased talking. 

“Mother.” He bowed dutifully to his mother. “I hope I am not interrupting anything?” he looked between the women as he spoke. 

Internally, Raven scoffed to herself. She knew what he was not saying, he very much hoped he was interrupting something, going by the way he was looking at her as if trying to see if her features would tell if she had regurgitated what had been said to her not too long before in his rooms. She kept her face emotionless and maintained eye contact, causing him to raise a brow. 

“I was merely speaking with your maid as she was saying that she misses Alfheim.” Frigga looked around at Raven who nodded slightly. “She looked like she needed a friendly ear.”

Loki looked at Raven again with slight remorse in his face but also fear that she would reveal his less than acceptable words on her realm to his mother. “I can only imagine.” There was no denying the disgust in her face as she turned to no longer face him, her disdain blatant. “I am sorry to come at such a time, however, I do require her again.”

Raven watched Loki’s demeanour around his mother. It was polite, but not a false one, something she could very much believe him to use commonly, but there was clear respect and love for her. She had to commend that to herself. A lot of men had little or no time for their mothers, but Loki clearly adored his. 

“Of course.” Frigga nodded. “But as she is new to your employment and she is somewhat dealing with her change in circumstance, do not be overly harsh on her.”

“I am never harsh with my maid.” Loki looked appalled at his mother. 

Again, Raven forced words to remain unsaid. She wanted to reveal herself and indeed his words, but she failed to do so and remained silent. With a slight nod, she put her head down as a maid could be expected to do and followed behind Loki after he bid farewell to his mother and walked back to the palace, dreading whatever it was he would say. 

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.35

Living with Curtis wasn’t that bad once the man settled in. Keith found he wasn’t as lonely as he had as they worked on getting Lance back into his daily routine around his changing body. Sure, the man had ridiculous taste in soap operas and wrestling, but having someone who knew the workings of the Blade meant he had a new training partner, which was great for him... The only downside was, he was starting to wonder if Lance felt left out. Catching Curtis up on Blade news had brought up more than one embarrassing story, Shiro had no filter when it came to telling the man about his younger brother, including Keith’s scrapes with the law. Lance could probably hear every word said between them as he worked away in his office, but he’d caught Lance staring at him more than once in a way that made his chest tight. He didn’t want Lance feeling on the outside because that sucked balls, and he was going through enough as it was. He also didn’t want Curtis embarrassing him any more than he’d already managed to do for himself thinking he’d been changed. Shiro had no filter, and Curtis literally had no filter. Keith didn’t have the best social graces, but now he was trying to juggle having two new friends, Lance’s feelings, and Curtis, with Shiro’s return imminent. Once his brother came home, things would change again. He wasn’t good with change. If people were leaving him behind, he’d rather be the first to leave before things got complicated. Things with Lance had gone beyond complicated. Leaving him... it’d be weird. He’d hated him. He’d hated him and wanted his head. Now they were friends and Shiro would be moving them into a new home. A new city. A new space to feel uncomfortable in as he approached his new job.

Sitting on the kitchen bench, Keith was patting Blue as he sipped his third coffee. Curtis was watching TV, Lance had introduced him to streaming on his TV and now Curtis was doing a pretty good imitation of Lance mid-wallowing. Coran really had sheltered the man

“You’re not supposed to be on the kitchen bench”

Walking into the kitchen, Lance was nursing a glass of wine, despite it only being lunch time

“Me or Blue?”

“Both of you”

Keith went to shimmy forward, only Lance decided he was going to heft himself up on the bench to sit next to him

“Isn’t it a bit early for day drinking?”

“Isn’t it a bit early for your fourth cup?”

It was never too early for a third or fourth cup

“Third cup”

“You’re slipping”

Climbing over him, Blue plopped herself down in Lance’s lap to groom her more intimate areas. Grabbing Blue by her upright leg, Blue pulled her leg down with a glare at her father

“Thanks, Blue. I didn’t need to see this. Anyway, you didn’t explain the wine”

“Felt like it. I know you don’t need a reason to be drinking your third coffee, but I thought you’d be with Curtis”

There it was... Lance feeling left out

“He’s watching TV. You introducing him to streaming really opened his world”

“He already knew how to stream, just not how to work my smart TV. Do you two have anything planned later?”

“Not really. Do you have anything planned?”

“Nope. I thought I’d check in with you...”

Lance had noticed that he’d noticed that the vampire didn’t seem to be doing okay. Keith wasn’t sure if this was Lance probing him to figure out where they stood, or if Lance actually wanted to spend time with him

“I was thinking about training, if you want to join me?”

Lance pulled a face with a shake of his head

“No. Curtis is much better suited as match for you. I’d only get in the way”

“You’re the one who promised to fight me when you felt better... You are feeling better, aren’t you?”

Lance sighed, his hand moving to wipe Blue’s drool back on her

“Yeah. I guess. I suppose so... Physically, at any rate”

“You haven’t turned into a bat again”

“No. And I don’t want to, so please don’t jinx me”

“I’ll try not to. How’s... everything else...?”

Keith didn’t want to seem to keen to know how Lance was fairing with the physical changes. He wanted his friend to feel better, but he was also curious as to how quickly Lance began feeling symptoms from the initial onset and if there was something in particular that set it off, like with him being a bat. It was all good information to have for future hunts, as well as good information to have to help Lance. If he ever encountered a breeder again, he’d be able to look for signs of pregnancy or weakness during those moments of arousal. A breeder was likely to be protected from what Coran said, so a secondary plan would need to be developed. The data Lance’s condition provided could be invaluable later on.

“Still all over the place. Curtis decided to leave his briefcase in front of my door. Tripped over the stupid thing. Blue had a great time smacking stuff around”

“Do you think that counts as using them?”

“Don’t ask me. I’m trying not to know���

“If you don’t want to use them, then don’t”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. It’s just... I know people masturbate, but I don’t want to be putting anything up there that Curtis knows about... that’s icky”

“I guess so?”

“No. It is. Think about it, it’s like Curtis giving you a bag of dildos and telling you to forget he’s the one who bought them. He picked out what he expects you to put up your poop shoot... Nope. Don’t think I can do it”

Keith agreed with Lance when he put it that way

“Dude, that’s nasty”

“Yep... I’d rather not go there”

“You know...”

Lance shook his head

“Don’t make this weird”

Keith scrunched his brow

“I was only going to say you could always order yourself what you like”

Lance mouthed a silent “Oh”, Keith curious where his mind had been going

“What?”

“Nothing. I just didn’t think of that... it doesn’t matter anyway. Once Matt and his girlfriend get here, privacy won’t exist anymore”

“What do you mean?”

“That werewolves can hear everything. Shit, they’ll probably hear every time I have nightmare”

“I didn’t think about that...”

Matt wouldn’t just hear Lance’s nightmares, but both his and Shiro’s... and probably Curtis’s... Lance wouldn’t judge them, but Keith barely knew Matt

“Yep”

The pair sat in silence for a few moments, Keith didn’t like silence between them

“Wanna go train?”

“Sure”

They’d been training for the better part of an hour when Curtis came out to join them on the back lawn. Sure, Curtis’s curse made him faster, but that was nothing on Lance’s speed when he actually tried. Curtis posed a challenge, but Lance... Keith actually preferred training with Lance for the sheer fact he had his own person vampire trainer. Most if it was Lance fooling around, but the vampire had pointed out a few helpful tricks and corrected his stances as he slowed his speed to match with Keith’s. Tackling Lance down, the vampire laughed openly at the clumsy tackle, Keith’s heart starting to race as he realised he was straddling Lance’s lap as Lance’s cheeks reddened. His attention had been on Curtis, so Keith had plays dirty, though it was worth it to hear Lance laugh. Shoving him playfully, Keith sighed, knowing that Lance had barely worked up a sweat while Keith was literally internally grimacing at the beads rolling down his back

“That all you got?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know”

Keith couldn’t be sure entirely, but he was kind of sure Lance was flirting with him. His own cheeks were already red, so he was able to deny that he was secretly blushing over the intimacy of the position.

“You two seem to be having fun. Lance, you’re supposed to still be resting”

Lance propped himself up on his elbows, that sweet scent starting to roll off of him

“I’m fine. Keith on the other hand...”

Pushing Lance down, Keith forced himself off the vampire. Staying in Lance’s lap all but guaranteed he’d break and kiss Lance right there

“I’m fine, old man. You’re the one who got your arse handed to you by a human”

“Who cheated”

“It was your fault for being distracted”

“Not even... Help me up?”

Lance reached a hand up, Keith taking it in a show of sportsmanship, only to be pulled back down over Lance. Lance giggling as he flipped them over

“Now who’s distracted”

“That wasn’t fair”

“You started it”

“I see Lance is quite aroused. Lance, are you currently feeling arousal?”

Fucking Curtis. Lance immediately jumped back off of where he’d pegged Keith down, arms crossed self consciously

“I’m fine. Why don’t you two train while I take a shower? You’re a much better match than Keith and I”

“I don’t want to interrupt”

Lance shook his head, Keith cursing Curtis again

“No, it’s alright. I’ll get something organised for dinner... or something...”

With that, Lance left the pair of them, striding off towards the house as Keith dug the heels of his palms into his eyes

“I don’t think he likes me very much”

“Because you brought up his body again. You know he gets self conscious over it”

“I didn’t mean to make him embarrassed. I was merely trying to ascertain if physical activity brought on arousal”

“Well thanks for that. You’ve scared him off again”

“I still don’t think he likes me”

Keith snorted. Curtis had no clue

“Trust me. He hasn’t tried to kick you out, nor has he yelled at you leave. He’s trying, but you keep bringing up his body”

“He can’t help the waves of arousal”

“Which is why we don’t make a big thing out of it. How would you like it if every time you popped an accidental boner someone announced it?”

Curtis rocked on his heels as he shrugged

“Depends who I’m with”

Keith sighed at Curtis. Curtis really should know better, and thanks to thinking about a horny Lance, he was now semi hard within the confines of his jeans... His damn libido was out of control

“Lance doesn’t hate you. He probably understands being cursed better than you think. I’m going to take a shower. Training against him is a challenge”

Curtis looked disappointed. Keith couldn’t win. He’d wanted to include Lance, but that somehow meant shunning Curtis

“We should train together tomorrow. Lance has been helping me correct my stances to something more suitable when fighting vampires. It’d be good for you to practice against him”

“I don’t want to get in the way of you two. Coran was also very insistent that Lance was not push himself in the slightest. I am supposed to be assisting in his daily life”

Lance really would hate Curtis if he started babying him. The best way to get Lance to relax was to let him do his own thing

“You’re not getting in the way, and Lance was hardly using his strength. He’s just got a lot on his mind. Let’s head back in? Maybe you can find a horror movie for us all to watch tonight?”

Curtis didn’t look convinced, Keith sympathising with Lance all over again. Keeping the peace was frustrating. He didn’t like it. Fuck it. They needed to spend more time together, then Curtis would stop embarrassing Lance and Lance wouldn’t be so ashamed of the things happening to him

“Whatever. I’m heading back up to the house. Lance and I are going to watch a movie tonight, which you’re totally allowed to join in on”

*

Lance stood under the cold water, waiting for the fire in his belly to cool. He’d gone and jerked off. He couldn’t help himself. He’d been so hot and flustered after training with Keith, that he’d needed the release to bring himself back under control. Not that it felt good. He felt dirty for having to jerk off thanks to his friend. All they’d been doing was training, then Keith was in his lap and his lap was trying to be in Keith. Or rather, his lap wanted Keith in him... These stupid desires were out of control. His lip was bleeding from how hard he’d bitten down, trying to stifle his moans and not think of Keith. He was completely fucked. Curtis had called him out on being horny, now Keith was going to think he was some kind of nasty pervert. It wasn’t like he wanted to be acting like a damn wolf in heat, ready to stick his damn arse out at the first man being nice to him... He wanted... he wanted something natural, something sweet. Someone to love him without all this happening to him. He’d been so excited that Keith wanted to spend time with him. Lance wasn’t jealous of Curtis, he just... wished he had his own stories to add when Curtis was teasing Keith. Curtis was good for Keith. Curtis was mostly human. He wanted to be good for Keith. God. He had to tell him. He had to tell him that he liked him... before the others came and privacy went out the window. This going back and forth... this worrying... it was only hurting them both.

Dressing a little nicer than necessary, Lance waited on the stairs until he heard Keith come out of the shower. The vampire was nervous as fuck, but he had to do this. He had to know what came next for the pair of them. He wanted to be special to Keith, to be special to someone who saw him for what he was, and he was deep in swampy pit of feelings that some people called a crush. He was 44... and Keith made him feel more alive than ever. He liked him. He didn’t know a single thing about him, but if Keith liked him back, he hoped he’d be up for a rather impromptu date. Yes. He knew he was completely changing his tune. His body was changing and that was probably why Keith felt whatever attraction to him that he did, and he wanted to talk about that somewhere no one was going to hear. Pinned down by Keith. Laughing like an idiot. He wanted more of that. More of being the centre of Keith’s attention. He didn’t want to be the creepy friend jerking off because he was scared of rejection... which he was right now. He’d gone around in circles, and this was his dead arse’s first and only crush that he hoped maybe would be more... or maybe he was horny? Maybe this was an awful idea. Keith could say no. Keith should say no. He’d be taking his future away from him, but when it came to Keith he was as much an idiot as Hunk was for Shay. He had to man the fuck up, and face the possibly fucked up consequences like a man.

Hearing Keith swearing as he dressed brought a smile to his face. Keith had so many anger issues, that him snapping at his jeans was perfectly in line with his character. And then Keith’s phone went and rung. Lance knew he had his own phone, he’d never pressed about it. Keith would give him his number if he wanted him to have it. There was only one person who’d call him, and that was Shiro. His courage abandoned him, Lance pushing himself up and striding back to his bedroom, where he slammed his door behind him, before throwing his dramatic arse face down on his bed. What was he doing?! He couldn’t tell Keith he liked him! He’d just jerked off because of him! That wasn’t normal! He wasn’t normal. What was wrong with him?!

Lance tried not to listen to the call, he then tried to ignore the sound of Keith’s boots coming up the stairs... then he tried to ignore the way Keith knocked on his door

“Lance? It’s Keith, did you just slam your door?”

“I’m fine!”

“I’m coming in”

Nooooo. His turbulent feelings would cave all over again. Not that Keith knew that, the hunter letting himself into Lance’s room

“Lance?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. What’s up?”

“Um... okay, well, Shiro is coming tomorrow morning. He just called, but you probably heard”

“Wasn’t listening. Good for you. You get your brother back”

Fuck. He was being such a wanker. He didn’t want to be like this

“Are you sure your okay?”

He wanted his Mami. He wanted Coran. Someone to spill these feelings too...

“I have to go to Platt”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to go to Platt. It’s Mami...”

“Is she okay? Did she have another fall? I can call Shiro and...”

He felt sick at the lie

“You know what it’s like as you get old”

“Should I tell Curtis we’re going out?”

God. Could Keith have phrased that any worse?

“I’m going. You’re staying here with Curtis”

“You can’t go alone...”

Yep. He sure could

“And your brother is coming home. I need someone I trust here”

“What if...”

What if he died in a fiery crash? He’d take one fiery crash for thirty-two thousand dollars. Climbing up, he intentionally stared at Keith’s boots, not wanting his concern

“Keith, I’m going. I’ll be in touch. Please make sure Curtis doesn’t burn the house down”