#and I think what I’m gonna do is type them all in a nice font on a piece of paper

[youreyeslookliketheocean]

I have such a cool idea for my grad cap and if I can pull it off I’m gonna be so excited

[astermath]

pairing: robin buckley x fem!reader

summary: robin falls head over heels for the cool girl renting horror movies at family video. steve can’t believe her awkward shyness is actually landing her a date, but he’s happy for her nonetheless.

word count: idk kinda short lol under 1K

notes: just wanted to write a little blurb, then it turned into something else, so enjoy this short little meet cute with robin ♡

normal sized font below!

Robin really is that love at first sight kinda girl.

She’s the type of girl to be busy sorting tapes at family video, when you walk in, all pretty femininity and mysterious aura around you. And suddenly she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She doesn’t know where she is, why she’s there, hell, she probably wouldn’t be able to tell you her name if she asked.

She doesn’t stop staring at you, not when you enter and not when you walk over to the horror section to pick something out. Only when Steve nudges her in her side, she snaps out of it, looking more flustered than ever.

“Dude, can you not?”

“Sorry man, it just— looked like you were falling asleep with your eyes open! What’s with you anyways?”

Robin doesn’t respond, simply averting her eyes to the cash register and hoping Steve doesn’t pry any further.

Which would have worked, if you weren’t talking to her right now.

“I’m sorry, can I—“

“Yes! Yes, absolutely, you can…” Robin trails off, realising she hasn’t even let you finish your request. Her own eagerness embarrasses her to no end, her face heating up and her cheeks now closely resembling the colour of a tomato.

To her surprise, you giggle. You’re not awkward about it at all, which somehow makes her fall for you even harder.

“I was gonna ask what the latest time would be when I’d be able to return this.” you smile, and the blonde girl is certain it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

“Oh! Yeah, totally, no problem! It’s uh— a great choice, by the way. I love friday the 13th, sooo good, all that horror stuff, a huge fan—“

“A week.” Steve interrupts her rambling.

“Huh?” Robin turns to her friend.

“To answer her question, since you’re too busy being head over heels over here.”

You chuckle again, and Robin genuinely thinks her head is going to explode. Not only is her best friend making fun of her in front of you, but you’re not even making her feel bad about it. It’s like you find it cute or something. How crazy is that?

“Cool, I’ll just uh,” you hold up the tape, “rent this one then.”

Robin rings you up, her hands moving faster than her mind, and she hopes you don’t notice the slight shakiness in them. It’s not every day the prettiest girl in the whole world shows up at her job, so she’s not exactly prepared.

“Thanks,” you take the tape from her along with the receipt, your fingers touching slightly when she slides them over. Now you’re the one who’s getting the butterflies.

“So, you said you were a fan of horror movies?”

Robin nods enthusiastically, while Steve has to bite his tongue to hold back from saying that that’s the biggest lie ever. Robin isn’t a coward, not at all, but she’s the worst at scary movies. She’s just saying all this to impress you. She doubts it’s working though.

“Well, I was gonna watch this alone, but…” you grab a pen off the counter and scribble down your number on the receipt. “If you feel like watching it together, give me a call…” you pause to read her name tag. “Robin.” You smile again. “Nice name.”

“T-Thanks! You uh, you too!”

“Thanks, even though I… Haven’t told you yet.” You write your name down next to the number. “Now you know.”

“Huh…” She reads it over, not being able to keep herself from smiling like she’s sunshine incarnate. “That is a really nice name though.”

You grin, grabbing the tape off the counter and stuffing it in your bag. “Well, Robin, I’m free this Friday, if you wanna take me up on the offer.” You start walking backwards and give her a quick wave. “See y’around.”

She waves back, although more hesitant. Frankly, she’s still processing the entire encounter, and the fact that you’re real. Someone as beautiful as you exists, talked to her, even gave her your number. She didn’t know a reality like that was possible.

“I can’t believe that worked.” Steve scoffs in disbelief, though he’s pretty stoked for Robin all in all. He wants his friend to find her special person as much as he does for himself.

“Yeah,” she stares as you walk off, “me too.”

The freckled girl groans loudly and drops her head into her hands. “Why the fuck did I say any of that? Why do I always just keep talking?”

“I don’t see the big deal Buckley,” her coworker leans against the counter, “you got your date, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but then what? Then what do I do? I might have been able to charm her with my awkward idiocy this time, but what if we watch the movie and she finds out I’m a huge wuss!” She gestures around wildly with her hands, earning a confused stare from one of the older customers.

“This is going to sound so stupid, and I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he runs his hand through his brown locks, “but just like, be yourself? She seems nice enough, I’m sure she won’t judge you for being a total scaredy cat.”

“Not helping, Harrington.” She gives him a defeated look.

“Sorry, you know what I mean.”

“But what if she does?”

“What?”

“What if she does judge me? I mean jesus Steve, I wouldn’t blame her! She’s like— way out of my coolness league! She’s practically doing charity work watching a movie with me.”

Steve scoffs. “Don’t sell yourself short, Buckley, you’re plenty cool. Besides, if she does judge you, then clearly she’s not worth it. But again, I think you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, already picturing her holding onto you in fear of a completely fictional serial killer. “I guess you’re right.” She goes quiet for a moment, before she’s back to daydreaming about the whole scenario. The two of you on your couch, shoulders touching, maybe an arm around her, hands brushing when you reach for the popcorn, all that sappy stuff…

“Buckley?”

Maybe you’d find it cute that she gets scared. Maybe you’d wanna protect her. She gets that vibe from you, that you’d keep her safe from all the Freddy Kruegers and Jason Voorhees of the world.

“Robin!”

Steve snaps her out of her daydreaming, gesturing towards Keith who’s about to enter the store.

“You two organise those tapes like I asked you to?” Their manager isn’t even looking at them, struggling with putting away his car keys.

Robin swipes the tapes off the counter and stuffs them randomly into the two boxes. That’s a problem for later.

“Yup! All sorted! Good thing I love organising stuff!” She laughs awkwardly, and Steve is fighting for his life trying not to laugh.

She’s got bigger things to worry about right now. Like what to wear for her date with you. And what kind of snacks you like to eat with your movies. And how she’s going to explain that the scariest thing she can handle is Frankenweenie.

comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

[littlelordfuckler0y]

Can I just say I love, love your klaus au!!! It's great!! But question? What do you use to edit stuff like that? I can never get a clear answer </3 but n e ways, all your aus are adorable!!!

HIII awww man thanks that’s so sweet of you ilysm I hope you have a good day <33333

Ok so for the post originally I gather a rough idea of what I’d do, I generally do 5 posts or 4 if I’m lazy, I go on Pinterest and find scenarios images I can make a post of off, sometimes I know what scenario I want sometimes I see the photo and get an idea, the comments I write as I start I don’t think them through beforehand

As for the layout I have a standard type but I make trivial changes sometimes bc I forget but nothing so major and I just edit them on here on tumblr

-For a post originally made by reader/character I select and make the caption username in bold which is just below the picture like:

yourusername what a nice day!

-then I write the comments as I go I think of a conversation, joke, I make the comments in Aa (you’ll find it on the left side of keyboard when you start a draft) tumblr writing option

-then for comments I make the comment users all in blue to differentiate l them

-and I just use regular fonts for comment REPLIES but I have to *space space space* and align them right below each other and the original commenter username like:

@dam0nsalvat0re you cannot leave me alone with Stefan on a weekend (this is where he’s most boring)

@yourusrname I’ll come to the party if I can borrow your car for 2 weeks?

@dam0nsalvat0re absolutely not??????

@yourusrname 1 week??

@dam0nsalvat0re I said no.

@yourusrname 3 days?

@dam0nsalvat0re 1 evening

@yourusrname done

^^ just an example, and then I use intended for every new comment but not all replies, replies are just in regular

-sometimes it so happens that some usernames are already someone’s blogs so you just make slight modifications nobody notices like “yourusername” is literally someone’s blog so I just change it to yourusrname when I add an @…nobody’s gonna know…how will they know…? /j

-it’s not a big deal but it just tags some people sometimes and also changes the designated colours that’s why otherwise you change the username too like add a number or a “.” “_” in the username not a big deal

I’m not sure if this is very clear but in case you have any doubts pls pls pls hit me up again I’m so very happy to answer :)

[cutechickdgaming]

cutechickd Service Announcement for my fellow fricks

tl;dr: Research before reblog

Recently I’ve been tagged to a reblog-this-please-don’t-scroll-spread-awareness type of post. Don’t worry, xjumbled-up-brainx, I don’t blame you 🫂. You @’ing me did encourage to make this post, after all :D.

Context: Someone found a Twitter post about creating a new flag (r*pesexual, and yes, I fully agree that is abhorrent, ironic or not). I looked through the reblogs and replies of the OG tumblr signal boost post, and I see a lot of general agreement that the Twitter post was satire and bait like “superstraight” (thing is, satire should be FUNNY, not glorifying sexual crimes).

It does make sense to me, some people (like “4chan grifters” as some people said in the discussion) do want to take the opportunity to slander LGBTQ+ with disgusting filth like this for ammunition, though yeah I understand the possibility people unironically (aka not trolling) believing in flags like this, just like...UGH...MAP-pride. I lean more towards thinking actual r*pists wanting to hide in the shadows and not put a proud label on themselves for everyone to see and (rightfully) target.

A major point I need to make in this post is thinking twice to resist the pathos attraction of these signal boost REBLOG PLEASE posts. Pathos is arguably the most effective rhetorical appeal, however it can be the most unethical of them all. All the reblog text with bright rainbow colors, enlarged Times New Roman font, and such are so easy to catch, leaving you barely any time to think if there’s a catch.

What if the enemies want attention? Should you give publicity to these trolls so easily? Is there a more effective and non-panic-provoking way that could better render these awful “-sexuals” obsolete?

These are decent standard questions to ask yourself. I’d rather take a step back and make a plan to deal with the problem at hand within my power than reblog something that’s gonna disrupt my escapism silly Tumblr (the RB thread looks as long as that one Dream tweet that started the “I’m not reading allat” thing) because some Internet rando tried to grab me by the figurative reins and told me I’m going to hell if I don’t do it.

Like actually

Buddy, this is not the Old Testament (/hj, coming from a Christian).

Ahem, I think that’s enough for me to show you why I don’t really like these “Don’t scroll past this!!” “BOOST!” “This is IMPORTANT!” posts, it’s WAY too much emotional demand, like it actually gives me distress, and I don’t want that for the rest of you guys. It makes choking someone by the neck look like a nice casual massage.

I’ll end it here. If you spot any dangerous people like actual r*pists and p*dophiles who are out (or fantasizing about) to harm real people, make sure they get legal consequences, like reported and handed over to the authorities. Those scum need discipline and shame via effective action.

[jodilin65]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1993 Talk about weird sleeping habits! At least I’m well-rested and my asthma has been much better. I fell asleep yesterday at 7 AM, got up at 1 PM to take my meds, then fell back asleep till 4 PM. Then at 6:30 PM, I fell asleep till 10 PM. Guess it’s cuz of my period and I was flowing quite heavily.

I heard Tom go to bed at 8:00 last night. He has to leave for work at 7:15. He’s decided he’s gonna like working days better. He says 10-hour shifts will be better than 12. That’s for sure. Also, he used to put himself on days when he wasn’t working, so, he says, why not be on nights when he’s off? This way we can still see each other.

I have 4 envelopes to go out in today’s mail. One to Nervous, Nervous’s mother, Fran, Alex, Gina, and 3 to Kim. Tom gave me neon orange round stickers he got at work. I numbered all 3 of Kim’s envelopes. This way she can read them in the order I typed them. I’m also sending Gina a quick letter to the radio station, as well as my picture in The Beat. She kept asking what I look like, so soon she’ll see. The letter’s really short saying how fun she is to chat with different fonts.

Believe it or not, last night I gave her a reading which was fairly accurate, seeing how dead my vibes have been lately.

While Gina was on the air, I left a message for Andy of me talking with Tammy, Glen, and some funny drunk guy named Larry. He loved it and thought it was so funny.

Later…

I just did my legs again with the hair removal thing. A few hairs grew back, but they were much lighter and finer.

Tom accidentally erased the movie The Guardian, but now I’m glad he did. He’s buying the movie for me and this way I can get the uncut version and see more nudity! Plus, I accidentally hit the record button and erased a few seconds during two different parts.

Tom looked the movie up through Prodigy and it turns out she was in some other movie called Local Hero. This was back in 1983. Wonder what she looked like then?

Later…

Tom’s taking a shower now and soon he’ll be off to work.

In a little while, I have to go put my mail out.

Tom made us tater tots and garlic bread. It was good.

I’ve run out of things to say for now, so I guess I’ll write later when I think of more stuff to write.

Later…

I just got done watching Charlie’s Angels. It was a two-parter. So, tomorrow I’ll try to remember to see the second part, even though I’ve seen every single episode.

I have a two-page picture of Gloria from one of her tour books, but she takes up very little space. Therefore, I’ve glued on 6 tiny ones, so, I now have sort of a collage.

Later…

Well, I fell asleep at noon and I got up shortly after 7:00.

Tom had just gotten in from work. He said it wasn’t very fun at all. The poor guy. He also said he may go look somewhere else for a job. Lastly, he says he may be getting a cold. I sure hope not. Especially now that my period’s pretty much over.

Beauty’s doing fine. She basically only eats her lettuce if I feed it to her by hand, but this is cuz she’s still a baby. She’ll eat more independently as she gets older. She eats the pellets with no problem, though. She’s so loving and always gives me kisses.

I wish it were summer! I wanna go swimming! At least I only have to wait for 4 more months or so, rather than 7. I miss being able to be outside constantly. The daytime weather’s usually nice, but it’s more fun when you can swim.

When Tom looked up the movie The Guardian through Prodigy, there was a 26-page write-up all about the movie. He’s gonna print it out and maybe I’ll copy it into my journal. That is, whatever one I’m on when he’s able to find the time to print the thing out.

Later…

Boy, Michael Jackson’s certainly in some serious hot water. Guess he’s about to be charged with molesting young boys. At first I believed he was innocent cuz everyone always wants to bring down a star. People want to gain publicity and power. They want to challenge those who are successful. Now, I wonder if maybe he’s guilty, as there are lots of sickos in this world. Plus, most cops and superstars feel they’re above the law. If he’s brought to trial, he’ll win. He’s famous and he’s male.

Later…

I just turned on the radio so I can hear what DJ is on tonight. Gina’s on weekends and I guess she’s also a fill-in. She hopes to go on full-time soon and I hope she does too. It’s cool to be able to chat with her and others on the party line when everyone else I know is working or asleep. I’ll bet that guy Magic is on now. I haven’t heard yet, as sometimes they don’t speak till after several songs have played.

My period’s over, thankfully. It sure is weird that I’ve shit 4 times today when all I’ve eaten is a cupcake and a bowl of popcorn.

Next shower I’ll have to do some massive shaving downstairs. It hurt too much to use the hair removal thing down there, as well as under my arms. That’s fine, though, as it sure is nice to only have to do it under my arms and my pussy, rather than my calves and thighs, too.

Gina’s on! Great, I’m gonna give her a call after I go smoke a butt.

Later…

I just called in and she’s got me on hold now. It’s pretty weird hearing the same song playing on the phone that’s playing over the radio. What’s she doing? She must be extremely busy cuz this is the second song now that I’m holding through.

I just hung up and called back and said, “Did that reading scare you, or are you tremendously busy?” She said she was busy and to call back in a half-hour.

No problem. I understand. If she’s on tomorrow night too, then she’ll know what I look like before the weekend. I’ll call her in 10 minutes.

Gina just said, “I wish I could let you hear half the conversations we have here on the party line.” It sounds like the phone lines are quite busy. I wonder how many lines there are. No less than 10, I’d assume. I can see that being a lot for one DJ to handle. Sometimes there are two DJs.

Tammy’s on again. I just heard her. Some guy named Stan, too.

Later…

I’ve got to tell Andy to take his phone off the hook Fri. and Sat. nights. This way if I leave him any messages when we’re on the party line, his phone will only ring once. He said to leave him all the messages I want from the party line.

OK, I’m gonna call now.

She said she’s got everyone on hold, and she’s got Stan and Tammy on and wants to keep me on.

OK, whatever. I told her to take her time. Is she testing me to see if I really am a loyal fan? It’s fine by me, as I have nothing better to do anyway.

I never did get around to sending Tammy (my sister) a message, but I will within the next few days. I’ll type some more letters, too.

Now I’m on the line with Stan and Tammy. Gina’s sick with diarrhea and is in the bathroom. She just yelled, “I can’t get sick! I have too many jobs!”

Gina’s also a waitress at Tuchetti’s.

Now, I’m doing promotions stuff saying, “K-O-O-L F-M” in unison with Tammy and Stan. Gina’s singing is very loud, strange and funny. She still feels shitty. They’re talking about movies now. I hate Westerns, too. And old movies and science fiction.

Some woman from 7/11 named Sandy just called in, but I didn’t hear her request.

Later…

Gina may have to work tomorrow night too, as well as 10:30 this morning. Damn! That’s a long time. About a half-hour ago Tammy and Stan hung up. I asked Gina if I could come down this weekend if Tom will drive me. She said probably, but call her at 2 AM first.

I left Andy a message of all 4 of us. Also, I have me on tape doing a promo line.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 1993 Well, I didn’t get married last Friday, but I did get a guinea pig. Let me go in order of events.

I felt kind of foolish and Tom felt bad, but what he really meant by “Friday” was discussing a tentative date. We set a tentative date for next December. I just didn’t stop to realize that it’s not something you just do in 5 minutes.

I talked with Tom alone and with Andy alone and I think a year from now’s good. This will give us plenty of time, as it’s a big and scary commitment. I know, though, that life’s all about taking chances and I think that if all continues to go well, I’ll be brave enough to take this chance in a year. I am still a believer in the saying “nothing lasts forever,” but I’ll enjoy one day at a time. I won’t put a time frame in my mind for how long Tom and I live. An example of what I mean is, I hope I live a long life, but I could get run over and killed by a car tomorrow.

Andy still feels I should be with a woman and I understand this, but if I could’ve been I would’ve been. It’s not like I didn’t put in a few good years of trying so I’m not without a woman by choice.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1993 Believe it or not, I fell asleep last night at around 9:00. I awoke at 10:00 to a car going by with a very loud muffler. Originally, I fell asleep on the living room couch. Tom went to bed at 10:00. Shortly before this car’s muffler woke me up. When I did wake up, I went and got into my bed and fell back asleep till a little after 1 AM.

Last night, though, Tom and I had lots of fun. Not sexual fun, but fun hanging out together and finally wrote in my next journal.

When I got up, I cleaned the stove, did dishes, straightened up, listened to music, and typed Kim a letter.

At 4:00 I dropped a bowl of creamed spinach and smashed it to smithereens all over the kitchen floor. I cut my foot, too, and woke Tom who was my savior. He washed my foot and put a Band-Aid on it and cleaned the kitchen floor. So, now I have a black and blue on one foot, from whacking it on the phone which was on the floor, a glass cut on the other foot and a paper cut on my thumb. The thumb is healing nicely, though.

I tried to get some more sleep. At least a few more hours, but it hasn’t worked. I’ll go try again.

Later…

I have been unable to go back to sleep. I typed Lisa, Becky and Sarah a letter, but then got knocked off when I tried to type Tammy a letter. I’ll try again later. Prodigy’s funny sometimes.

I also want to check Springfield’s weather so I can laugh. Unfortunately, they’ve had some mild days in the 50s. They’ll get theirs, as far as the bitter freezing cold goes.

I forgot to mention two calls I made early yesterday morning. One to Barbara, who I woke up. I insisted she left a message for me to call her. She very sleepily denied it, then hung up after two minutes.

I also called Jenny and yelled, “Knock it off, Jenny!” Then I slammed the phone down. I’ll bet she and the bastard brother are still buddies. They can have each other. I’m gonna tell Tammy that if she ever again speaks with Larry to tell him he didn’t want anything to do with me, so why should I want anything to do with him? My life’s way too cool now to have assholes like Larry, Art, or Dureen in it to screw things up. Or try to I should say, as in the end, I learned not to let it get to me. I know what I did and did not deserve.

Later…

This is amazing, yet great. I’m still awake! Cuz I only napped a few hours last night, I didn’t think I was gonna hold out past noon. If I’d been more awake, I would’ve gone to Tom’s parent’s house, but I’m definitely not that awake. He said he’ll try to bring home leftovers.

I went and pulled $20 out of the ATM for cigarettes, then we went to Jack-n-the-Box where I got a breakfast platter.

I also typed two more letters. One to Nervous and the other to his mother telling her what an asshole her son is. I called him up politely to see how he is and I’m so sick of his moods. I don’t deserve his shit. I haven’t done anything to him in ages and any shit I ever did pull on him, he damn well asked for. The guy can fuck off and out of my life just like Dureen and Art. My sending a letter to his mom will surely heat the guy all up. Especially as it’ll shock the shit out of him and catch him off guard cuz I’ve never sent the mother mail before in the past. She’ll be surprised too, and I don’t give a rat’s ass if either of them calls my family.

Oh, before I end the subject of Nervous - his mom had no idea Crystal lived with him or who the fuck she even is. That is quite interesting. I’ve spoken to this girl, so I’m sure she exists, but I highly doubt she lives with him. Not if she’s got any real brains.

Tomorrow should be fun. Tom says that cuz he slept so many hours the last two days, he can go shopping tomorrow when I am awake. Depending on his paycheck we may get the pig tomorrow. Can’t wait! He says it’s a birthday present, but I told him to spare me for my birthday and Chanukah, as I wanted him to have money to buy his family Christmas presents. We’re also gonna look at prices of dishwashers and who knows what else tomorrow.

Remember the note we passed each other on the toy car? The one about us getting married Friday which is tomorrow? Well, he hasn’t said one more thing about it and I hope he wasn’t joking. I’d feel kind of foolish unless he meant next Friday. Maybe he thought I was joking. Well, I wasn’t joking. I wonder what’s really going on in his mind. Are we getting married tomorrow?

What else can I say? I’m in a writing mood, but I’ve run out of things to say. I just hope that whenever I do fall asleep that I stay asleep at least till 2 AM. This way, we can take off as soon as the stores open. It’ll be mobbed, though, being Fri. Plus, everyone’s begun to do all their Christmas shopping.

It’s been oh-so quiet next door, thank fucking God. Come to think of it, I haven’t even heard their dog. Only the one across the street, but it’s not as loud.

I wonder how much of all those letters Bob’s read so far? Is he done? Probably not. I sent an awful lot of stuff, but it’ll be good for him. He needs to fill his time and occupy his mind.

Well, the computer says it’s 28º in Springfield today and tonight will be 10º! It’s only 62º here today.

I talked to Tammy briefly. Apparently, Bill and the girls are very sick, so she canceled dinner. She’s still cooking dinner, but she canceled the company that was to be coming.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 1993 Boy, I’ve been having lots of fun playing Nintendo games for hours. Today’s the first time I’ve ever played. Tom set it up in the back room on my TV. There are these 2 games I’ve been playing. My favorite one is where you use a plastic gun to shoot ducks. You get 3 shots to go to the next round. I’ve gone as far as round 11. The other one’s very hard and I have yet to win one round. It’s where you shoot at two flying disks at once.

Now, here’s the most exciting news of the day. (now yesterday) Tom put batteries in a toy car. We were out back by the pool, then we came into the back room where we were sending the car back and forth to each other across the room. Finally, I took a tiny piece of paper and wrote: I love you and I will marry you. Then Tom wrote: When? I wrote: When do you want to, and be honest? He wrote: Friday. I wrote: It’s a deal!

Later…

I got bored with the Nintendo (for now) as well as the TV. So, I tried to call Nervous. The guy’s smart as no one ever even said hello. He just picked it up and pressed a button on the phone. Although, I wonder if that could’ve been Crystal. It seems her style but not his. His is to answer, swear, then unplug the phone. If Crystal’s still there, that is truly amazing.

I tried to call the radio station but kept getting a busy signal. That’s OK, as shortly after I tried I realized Gina isn’t even on tonight.

Tomorrow Nerv, Fran and Bob should get all their mail.

I did try to call Fran at nearly midnight his time, but he said he’d call me later. Or tomorrow. He was either asleep, drunk, or terribly depressed.

I know what I forgot to mention I did earlier. It sure was an unexpected, yet great surprise, too. Tom asked if I wanted to “fool around.” It was grand, alright. He sure does a fine job down there with his tongue. He knows I can cum way, way too fast (in a matter of seconds), so he knows how to make it last and keep it going so I can enjoy it. It won’t be long till I’m on the rag, so this is when I’m the horniest.

Later…

I’ve got to watch myself on the cigarettes. Been getting a bit carried away. I did better the last 3 days by smoking 11-14, but so far, I’ve had 16 since I’ve been up. In 2-3 more days, I’ll be done with the antibiotics. After that and my period, I’m gonna get working on the exercise videos. Been slacking off. I’m soooooooo fucking bloated! It’s absolutely pitiful! I can now feel myself “precramping,” so I don’t have long to wait.

I wish I could be there to personally see the looks on Bob, Fran and Nerv’s faces when they open their mailboxes to so much mail from me. Especially Bob’s face, as he’s the one who appreciates my mail the most.

Later…

I just took all the meds that I’m supposed to take. I think now I’ll go listen to music and then try to get some sleep. I don’t want my schedule to change too much just yet as I have stuff to do.

Tonight’s Tom’s last night at work. Sunday the poor guy’s on days.

Later…

I’m not exactly as sleepy as I had thought I was. I listened to music, though.

Earlier I came up with a very interesting way to improve my game aim which is naturally pretty good. There are 10 birds to kill in each round, so I came up with two rounds worth (20 people) I can’t stand. I imagine they’re the birds.

I may get another letter from Bob tomorrow or Fri. That’d be nice. I give up on waiting for Alex to send a letter. For now. I’m sure he has a reasonable excuse for not writing and is busy. Hopefully, Kim will send a letter too.

I’m kind of hungry now. Damn. I got a paper cut too. Fuck!

Later…

OK, I just put a Band-Aid on my paper cut.

Andy must’ve fallen asleep. He told me he’d call back when I spoke to him several hours ago.

Tom’s mom beeped in with a message for Tom that Thanksgiving dinner was to be at noon as Raymond, his brother, has to work early. She sounded nice and invited me, but I don’t know if I’ll be going.

Tomorrow Tom and I will probably be getting up at the same time for the first time in a while. This will be nice.

I think I’ll go see if Nervous will answer his phone now, although he may be at work. We’ll see if Crystal answers.

Later…

I am sitting at the living room table while Tom’s watching sports on TV. He made us tater tots which were really good.

Andy picked up his pants and the movie I taped him and he left me a blank tape. I spoke to him earlier and all’s well with him. While he was on the phone, I called Nervous. He got my mail and says Crystal’s still there. I’ve never heard the guy sound so relaxed before in my life. This is good for him.

I played Nintendo and did really well. Got some perfect scores and shot the disks through round 1.

Tom and I were discussing a trip to CA in February or March. A package deal to fly to Disneyland and stay at their hotel for 2 days and 1 night.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1993 Well, Tom’s not going to recognize the back room when he goes in there. He’ll most certainly get up before I do, too.

I didn’t make it to my GYN appointment today. I really did plan to go as nervous as I was, but I was not able to fall asleep till 7 AM. My appointment was at 11 AM, and I would’ve had to get up at 9 AM. The place is 40 minutes away and there’d have been no way I could’ve functioned on only 2 hours of sleep. Plus, I only slept 4 hours yesterday. My referral expires on the 26th and I don’t know if I can reschedule by then. We’ll see. Guess I’ll have to call Dr. Wilcox. I’ll live whether or not I ever get there.

Lisa typed me a letter over Prodigy. She says she’s nervous about her solo and Becky and Sarah are sick. Within the next few days, I’ll call Tammy and the girls.

Yesterday I called Mary and guess what? About a month and a half ago, the butch moved out. Mary said she said she bought a house. Yeah, right! On her income? I don’t think so. Not unless she won the lottery or got a hefty inheritance. If she moved into a house, she rents it and probably shares it.

I still feel so bad for Mary as her nightmare isn’t over. She’s going through all I went through. Some guy moved in above her in the butch’s place and he has late-night wild parties with mucho company. She says she’s gonna call the office, but I know that’ll never do her any good.

I got a letter from Bob and one certain line had me cracking up. When he said, “I need your letters.” Oh, he’s got letters coming alright. If he only knew. He has 10 of them on their way right now. Fran has 11 and Nervous has 9. They’ll each get 50 pages in all, maybe more. Remember how I typed and printed out journals 1 through part of 4? Well, I decided I didn’t want to continue doing this and really had no purpose in keeping what I’d already typed. Therefore, I split the 150 pages or so I typed between Bob, Fran and Nervous. I never thought to send Alex any, but, oh well. He’ll get his fair share of mail from me.

We got HBO and Cinemax. I’ve already seen a few good movies on them both.

It seems each year that goes by I become more and hornier. Once or twice a month is no longer enough for me. Nor is it enough for it to be one-sided where only I cum. I always used to love this arrangement. I wouldn’t want Tom to always be all over me, but I give up. I can’t make him any hornier. This doesn’t change my love for Tom and what I feel emotionally for him and what’s in my heart. It still gets better and I feel surer all the time. I never thought I could be with someone this long, let alone live with them. I can’t believe I have more and more thoughts of marrying him. I won’t count on that happening, though. If and when he ever asks me - well - we’ll see.

I guess the only other not-too-cool news, besides me being the only horny one around here, is that I woke up yesterday really wheezing. Didn’t have to go to the ER, thank God, but I had to deal with it for an hour.

Tom and I had a nice talk when he came in from work. We talked more about getting a guinea pig.

My license expires on my birthday. I’ll have to renew it if I can pass the written test. Maybe I’ll just get a photo ID.

The back room was badly cluttered with boxes and books. Now it’s nice and organized. I also have the perfect spot for the pig.

I can hear Tom talking in his sleep now, but I have no idea what the fuck he just said.

Later…

Today was a great day. First of all, Andy left his pants on the front door handle for me to sew a ripped pocket of his work pants. He’ll come get it tomorrow and leave me a blank video. This is cuz I’m taping a movie for him on one of ours.

I called the GYN and rescheduled for 12/16. Tomorrow I’ll call Dr. Wilcox and explain why I need a new referral, and also a refill on my meds.

It was a gorgeous day today, but a cool spell is coming.

I spoke with Lisa today who’s still nervous about her solo. Tammy was pretty busy and Bill just returned from CA. It was a business trip and due to the drastic temperature change, he’s sick. I went through that bullshit those two times I went to Florida in the winter. I also spoke a little bit to Becky.

I’ll bet there’s a chance my parents are thinking I may call right before my birthday for a birthday present. (money) No way! Their money’s not worth it.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1993 Well, lots of little things have happened since I last wrote. First, let me go do up a list of topics and smoke half a cigarette.

OK, I’m back. That only took a second. First of all, I changed my mind. Originally, I was gonna let Tom have the very last page of this book. Now I’m letting him write in the next journal (#51). This book has no lines on the pages, so, this way he can write as large or as small as he likes. He can also have as many pages as he needs.

Well, today the cat went back home. I cried as I’ll miss him. He was the best-behaved cat and so loving. I still have a new guinea pig to look forward to. Perhaps in 2-3 weeks.

Anyway, after he left, I vacuumed and aired the place out. It was a beautiful day at 78º and will be tomorrow, too. I did the dishes, but I hope to not be doing this too much longer. After the first of the month, we’re getting a dishwasher (I hope).

I ordered 2 CDs of Gloria’s through Columbia House and Tom ordered 6. I hope there are no problems with this, as I just realized Tammy’s got CDs coming to this address.

The tooth whitener Kim sent is really working. I noticed a huge difference after only one day.

This coming week Tom’s gonna pick up film and a flash for my camera.

I rearranged my tapes some more, and can you believe that after 4 years, I’ve finally completed my Gloria medley?! Finally, I do still have a few touch-ups to do and I will later.

Gotta go take my meds.

Later…

Well, I recorded a movie and now I’m recording two more shows.

I have 3 letters ready to go out. To Fran, Kim and Bob. I asked Bob if he wants a tape of the edits and some convos. Kim confused me in her postcard to me. She mentioned, “the pictures you just got.” But I never got any pictures. Maybe they’re on their way. I hope so, as that’d be nice. I pre-addressed and put my address labels on 25 envelopes. Kim, Bob, Fran, Nervous, and Alex got 5 each.

The biggest thing I’ve done is talk on the phone to Gina, the DJ at KOOL FM for two hours the last two nights. I was on the party line with a few other people. She is sooooo funny. She is a carbon copy of me and Andy. She’s got our kind of sense of humor. I played her some edits and I even edited her saying, “I think I’ve just lost my fucking mind!”

She sent me over the air saying, “Gina, I’m having fun with you this weekend with KOOL FM.”

She even dropped hints that she may be gay and asked me what I look like. Shall I send her a copy of me in The Beat? We’ll have to wait and see.

She also had me answer one of the party lines by saying, “Sunny 97.” That’s another oldie’s station. I said I punched her out cold, so I was taking over the airwaves.

She had me and 2-3 others singing live to a song, and we told jokes. There’s a really funny one I heard if you know that there’s a Thomas St. and a Grand Ave. here in Phoenix. The joke goes: What did the gay guy do when he got to Phoenix?

He went down on Thomas and thought it was Grand! (names of streets in Phoenix).

Later…

I just went to call Andy, but he’s playing Monopoly with someone, so he said he’ll call me back. I always hated that game.

Tom’s working now, trying to get as much overtime as possible. When he’ll be home, who knows? He’s kind of bummed cuz his job’s being eliminated and the poor guy has to work days next week. Permanently. I’d just want to die. At least he’ll have 10-hour shifts, rather than 12. He’s to be working Sunday – Wednesday from 8 AM - 6 PM.

Later…

Well, finally! The Gloria medley is finished! I just stuck in the last few songs. I did leave out a few slow boring songs, though.

Now, what do I have to edit? Well, as far as that goes everything’s all edited down. So, I’m gonna go through each convo one by one and edit stuff that way. I know that over half of all these convos combined have already been edited. I’ll go through them as who knows what great stuff I could’ve missed.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 1993 Finally! I finally got my package from Kim. It sure is great to have my very own camera. Soon, I’ll get film and flash for it. It’s a very small lightweight camera and it seems it’ll be easy enough to use. Luckily Tom knows cameras, so he can help me with it.

She also sent that tooth whitener and already it’s making a difference.

She sent a magazine called The Night Side she picked up in Las Vegas. It’s just like The Beat magazine I was in when I was at Favors. She enclosed a letter along with a letter she got from Bob. Some other time I’ll copy these into #44. I typed both Kim and Bob letters.

Kim mentioned Alex may have once again gone cross-country. Where the hell would he get the money to afford to do this?

Later…

I got a letter from Bob today. Also, a postcard from Kim. She had some left over with stamps on them, so she figured why not send one?

I spoke to Fran earlier and even his friend Sharon. I have a couple of minutes of her on tape, but she’s not nearly as funny as Ann or Melissa (CP lady).

I split that Vegas magazine between Nervous, Fran and Bob. They each got 4 pages.

I do suppose I could write more but I haven’t been in a writing mood.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1993 I never wrote while at the doctor’s office as I luckily wasn’t there forever. She changed my antibiotic to something else and gave me yucky-tasting cough syrup. She also recommended I try charcoal capsules for the gas and bloating I’ve had. This is a weird one I’ve never even heard of before. The last thing she did was have the nurse draw blood right then and there. Originally, I was to return today for the blood to be drawn. Conveniently, it was all done today.

Tom’s been really helpful, patient, and supportive through all this and I really appreciate that.

The only other thing that’s gone on is that Fran’s tried calling both me and Andy.

I took that foam thing I took from my sleeper couch off of my bed. I had 3 problems with it. It was too wide, kept slipping (the sheets) and sagged in the middle too much. I’m better off just waiting till I get a real double bed with a soft mattress.

Real soon I’m gonna hit the sack. I’m taking about 7 different medications right now and they’re making me somewhat drowsy. So - till next time!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1993 Yesterday was an absolutely shitty day. I awoke at 7 AM with a very bad asthma attack. Tom called 911 and they came and gave me two breathing treatments. After they left, I fell asleep for two hours, but have been feeling very tight and congested. I’ve been wheezing and sneezing a lot.

In about 5-10 minutes, I’m going to my doctor. After that, we’ll stop at Jack-n-the-Box.

I haven’t worked on the computer, but last night I mustered up enough strength to draw a few pictures. Tom really liked them. Especially my eagle. It was the very first one I drew. I copied it off of one of my collector’s plates.

I have a few other things to write about, but I’ll save them for my endless wait in the waiting room.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1993 Today I feel a million times better, thank God! Boy, I sure felt lousy. My lungs are much clearer, as well as my nose. I knew I needed an antibiotic. I slept only an hour or so yesterday afternoon and basically accomplished nothing. I had zero energy. Couldn’t even type letters or the 13 remaining pages in #49. I did, though, glue in 12-30. Maybe later I’ll type up 31-43 and some letters too. I may even do some editing.

Tom’s now working on the computer and we made a “date” for later if you know what I mean.

I tried calling Kim to let her know I still haven’t gotten that package. Maybe it got lost, or something came up where she wasn’t able to mail it out. Yesterday I sent out Barbara’s picture of Bob. Also, I sent a letter to Alex and the old smoking log to Nervous.

Later on, I may also do the dishes and straighten up. I’m doing laundry now.

Tammy’s ordering CDs here and if they come here, which they should, I will ship them off to her.

Tom and I have made a decision yesterday. I’ll never be that tolerant of cat dander and smells, so after this one goes home, we’re getting a guinea pig. I do miss them, and now being with Tom, who’ll help change the cage, it’ll be much easier. I won’t have to constantly lug sawdust down 4 flights of stairs and rinse a filthy cage in my tub. Being in a house is so much easier and better for it, as all we have to do is go out back and rinse the cage with a hose. Tom has plenty of hoses.

I’m an expert on guinea pigs. I know them like I know sign language and I know everything they need. I’ll put him in the back room away from where we sleep. This will be good too, as I won’t have to keep my bedroom door shut or step on kitty litter. They eat more and need more things and are a bit more costly, but we can afford it. I’ll tell you one thing, though, and that is that I’m definitely gonna get a lid for the cage. I’m not about to ever again deal with what I went through with Toffee always jumping out and getting into everything.

Well, I’m now gonna go pull out the stuff that can’t go in the dryer and then make some of my honey cinnamon tea.

Later…

Tom’s now running my clothes through the dryer he’s got out in the garage.

I just played with the cat for a little while and for the first time, I didn’t sneeze. I really needed those antibiotics and now, once again, I want to keep him and forget about the guinea pig. Unfortunately, he can’t stay anyway, and I’d rather get a pig, rather than another cat.

I’m now gonna lay down for a bit. It’s still rainy out and that makes you drowsy. Well, it sucks the energy out of me, anyway. Later I’ll do some editing before dinner. Tom’s making us pork chops again. How wonderful to have someone around who likes to cook.

I’m dedicating the last page of this journal to him to write whatever he wants. Only 3 others have written in my journals - Andy, Nervous and Kara.

Later…

Well, I fell asleep for an hour and a half. I awoke at 2:30. An hour after I got up we had pork chops and tater tots. Then I folded my laundry, Tom took a shower, and we fooled around after. It was great. I really believe he does even better down there than most of the women I’ve been with. Things have been excellent with us, both in and out of bed. He went to sleep after we fooled around which was at about 4:30.

At 5 PM the movie Police Academy went on. I’m watching that now. There are two more movies I’ll probably watch. I’ll edit some other time, but I may still type later.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1993 Tom’s gone out to pick up my antibiotics. Last night at 2 AM I awoke all congested, wheezing and sneezing uncontrollably. It’s been worse than usual. Especially with this yucky rainy weather we’re having. It’s been waking me up a lot, too.

I do have more to write, but I am just way too tired. I’ll write more later. For now, I really must try to get some sleep. I need it.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 1993 Today I got the envelopes I ordered. Still no packages from Kim, so who knows what’s going on with that?

When Tom got in yesterday morning at 6:30 he went to bed. He’s been there all day and night. He only got up for a few hours. I don’t think he’s feeling too well. I believe the two of us are going food shopping together tomorrow morning.

We’ve only had sex twice since a little over a month ago. I never met anyone like him before. I think it may have to do with our age differences. He’s through with his sexual peak and mine’s just beginning. I’m getting used to this, though. I’ve been used to this and it’s not like he’s a gorgeous woman. Then it’d be much harder to deal with for sure.

Well, he’s up now. I just heard him open the kitchen door. When we go to sleep, which I plan on doing soon, we shut the door to keep the cat in the back, away from clawing our doors.

Earlier I worked out and did a few other things. I typed a letter to Tammy and the girls over Prodigy. I also sent Nervous an old smoking log which certainly did me no good and typed Alex a letter. Barbara’s picture of Bob is ready for her too. I also addressed 5 envelopes to Kim, 5 to Bob, and 1 to Fran.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1993 Last night I didn’t fall asleep till 10:00. I woke up at 6:30. Tom woke up shortly after.

It’s raining out now for the first time in quite a while. This is good, as it’ll settle any pollen and continue to make allergy plants go dormant.

I hope and pray to hell that I finally get my packages and envelopes today.

Right now I’m gonna go and get myself a cup of tea. After I drink it, I’ll finish copying a page from each journal in #49.

Later…

I finally got my hair trimmed today. Tom did, too. She didn’t do as good of a job as Richard did but did good enough. She didn’t get scissor-happy. It’s been trimmed another 2” but is still below my waist. In less than a month it’ll be to the crack of my ass. I feel she could’ve done a better job with my bangs, although it’s still a bit too soon to tell. At least it’s no longer in my face.

Yes, she’s pretty like Andy said. I’d rate her a 7½ - 8, but her body wasn’t great. Her face was kind of broken out, but pretty. Her hair was permed and almost to the middle of her back.

I had forgotten that there was to be no mail today due to it being Veteran’s Day. Oh well, if I don’t get my package tomorrow, then I give up.

Today it rained and was chilly and windy. First rain in quite some time.

I’ve only had 13 cigarettes in the 15 hours I’ve been up. That’s better, but earlier I didn’t feel too great. My chest was tight.

Well, I’m gonna try to conk out now, but if I can’t sleep, I’ll write some more. Before going to bed, I better go check my messages. I do believe I heard the phone ringing. It’s probably either Andy or Fran. Fran left a message last night.

Later…

Nope. That call wasn’t from Andy or Fran. It was from Wendy. Now Tom’s got two messages. One from Eileen, a coworker with a gay daughter, and Wendy, who took her dog to the vet.

I came back to write something else I had just remembered, but now I forgot what the fuck it was.

I keep telling myself to call Mary, but keep forgetting that, too. She had to have lost my number as she certainly would’ve called by now.

God only knows what’s going on with Kara. I have no way of contacting her and she’s got no way of contacting me. Not by phone, that is. I could maybe write to her at her old address at the Via El Camino apartments and it’ll get forwarded to wherever the hell she is now. She could be in Michigan. I remember her mentioning wanting to return there. Will she ever become a cop? I hope so. That’d be totally for her.

Every now and then I still have fantasies about Stacey. I don’t know what it is with that sick bitch. She reminds me of Kate Jackson even though she has light eyes and hair. Did she really ever have a thing for me? I’ll never know for sure, but yes, I believe she did, despite the fact that she shit on everyone. I can’t picture her ever shitting on Rosemarie, Donna, and Tara and Tonya, though. She most certainly never has or will shit on that damn butch. At least I know that everyone I wrote to did receive all my mail. Even Rosemarie. It’s amazing how much legwork both Stacey and Andy put into trying to nail me in court. They were so sure they were going to, too. I’ll bet they’re still pissed that they lost. I’m sure they lied about losing, too. Stacey’s not the type to walk back into the office and admit she lost. Too humiliating for a person like her. Despite that letter I sent her boss, she’s still working there. I knew she would, as like with cops and staff members in funny farms, they protect their own. I have no regrets about writing it, though. I hope she at least got to read it.

I spoke to Tammy a few days ago. She asked me if I’ve talked to Dad.

Fuck no!

She says she’ll mention my guitar. Like it’ll do any good. She hasn’t heard any more about the bastard, but I hope they all killed each other. All 3 of them are good for nothing.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1993 I’m now on my 50th paper journal! Yes, I am actually here before 1998, the year I figured I’d get to #50 when I first began. Although I’ve officially closed #49, I’ve got a project for the last half of it. It’ll only take me a few hours to do it, too. I’m writing two pages from each journal. The only ones I may not do two of are the books of letters.

Tom and I had a great day. He’s now cooking us pork chops and tater tots for dinner which I believe is to be ready any minute.

Later…

That was a great dinner.

I haven’t been able to reach Carolyn, so if I don’t hear from her by tomorrow, Tom and I will go have Richard do our hair Friday.

Tomorrow I have to call Dr. Wilcox’s office to make sure my referral is good till the 22nd.

Last night I fell asleep at 10 PM and awoke at 4 AM to take my meds. Then, I went back to sleep and got up at 6:30.

At 9 AM Tom and I went to the mall. I got this journal, some makeup, and that hair-removal system for $50. I did my legs and my bikini line (as far in as I could go). It wasn’t really as painful as I thought it might be. I could feel it, but it didn’t hurt so much that I couldn’t stand it. It took a while to do and I still have to do under my arms.

Can you believe my God damn package still hasn’t come yet? Neither have the envelopes. In fact, they still haven’t cashed my check. This is bullshit. What’s taking so long? Guess it’s all cuz we’re getting closer to the holidays.

I totally love this journal. It’s the most awesome one I’ve ever had. The outside’s nothing all that spectacular, but I’ve always wanted colored paper for a change from typical white paper. There are 8 of all 6 colors.

Well, I sure did plenty of stretching when I was using the hair removal system, but tomorrow I’ll do the exercises with the video. I’m just too beat now. I’ll remember to put the beast in the back room and close the door between the kitchen and the living room. He gets in the way. Being as flexible as I am really helps when you’re shaving and or removing hair. Especially the backs of the legs.

I hope Alex writes to me. As I said before, Kim says he writes like hell, but I have yet to see this. I’ll write him another letter begging for a letter. I’ll even put a guilt trip on him, cuz I already wrote him a very very long letter.

I just asked Tom, who’s going to bed now, to pick the next color. He picked the one I figured he’d pick. It was also to be my next choice. I have 9 different colors picked out. That’ll look cool. Not only will I have different colored paper, but different colored writing on it. It’s different than writing with different colors all on white paper.

I think I’ll go listen to music for a while now, then I’ll come back and write some more later.

Later…

Amazingly enough, I’ve only had 11 cigarettes today. Nonetheless, my lungs were a bit tight a little while ago, so I made a cup of this honey cinnamon tea Tom bought earlier. It’s good. It helped to clear me up too, and to relax my chest muscles.

I just listened to some music and soon I’m gonna go make another cup of tea.

I just remembered something else I forgot to remove, as far as hair goes. My widow’s peak. I’m not particularly fond of the thing.

I wish I was much more awake than I am now. I’d type some letters, do some editing, and whatever the hell else. I’ve got a semi-bright lime green T-shirt I’m gonna decorate with glue. I also may take one of my pairs of cutoff jeans and glue stuff on that too. I plan to get more Bedazzeler beads one of these days. They’re at Wal-Mart where I got the glue. It’d also be nice to get more colors of the glue. There’s not much variety in only 3 colors.

Gotta send letters soon through the computer to Tammy and the girls. Lisa got a solo in the band playing sax. Great for her. Today’s Bill’s 47th birthday and I sent no card. I’m sure he’s not crying over it any more than I’d be if I were to not get a birthday card from him. The two of us never really liked each other. We’re extremely different, but that’s fine. All that matters is that he makes Tammy happy.

Now I’ve had 12 cigarettes, but that’s still much better than the ridiculous pack a day I’ve been smoking.

I wonder how Nervous and Crystal are doing? I’m sure by now she’s realized she’s made the biggest mistake of her life. If not, she’s even crazier than he is. I wish I could see the look on his face when he pulls out Bob’s dick. Also, when he got my tits.

Well, it’s now almost 6 PM and I am not gonna be able to hold my head up much longer. I’m sooooooo tired. Be back here tomorrow, though. That can be counted on!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1993 I am now sitting outside and it is beautiful out. It’s 82º.

Later…

It’s so hot that I just ran in to change. Andy called, too. I can’t believe that it’s 11/9 and I’m sweating out by the pool in a bikini. How lucky I am.

I have so much to write about and it’s all good stuff, too. Last Friday night Tom and I finally fooled around and it was fun.

We finished sealing up the soundproofing stuff in my windows, but I still have to sleep with my radio on. This is cuz of the mailbox thing and that fucking mutt next door. You also never know if they’re gonna slam their car doors and move shit next door. Their driveway’s barely 5 feet away from where I sleep. So, to be on the safe side, I sleep with it on. There is still a positive side to soundproofing. It does decrease noise and it makes it nearly pitch dark if I am asleep during the day.

Later…

Well, I’m in my bedroom now. It’s too hot out there for writing. Too uncomfortable to write as much as I have to write. It’s so bright and sunny out, too. I wore my sunglasses. No breeze at all. If there were a slight breeze it’d be perfect. Perfect for tanning, although it’s perfect now for that. The only bummer is that you get all heated up but the pool’s too cold. I’m not gonna have any patience for tanning till I can swim.

Later…

I just ran out back to cut my toenails. This way my nails don’t go flying everywhere.

Tom’s working on the computer now. We’ve been doing great together.

Still no package from Kim or letter from Alex. Soon I hope, but I just sent one to Bob who wrote me. Guess what he sent? Two Polaroid shots of him in just long pants, two in his underwear, and one of his dick. I’m keeping the two of him in his long pants. One of the underwear shots is going to Barbara in the NHA. The other, along with his dick pic is going to Nervous. He oughta love it.

Last Saturday I did get my address labels and they’re very pretty. Black print on 5 different metallic colored backgrounds - blue, green, red, purple and gold.

I talked to Tom and finally gave in and set up a doctor’s appointment for the 22nd. The one my referral’s for.

Carolyn got her own phone now, so I hope she can do our hair tomorrow or the next day.

The beast, as I call the cat, is doing fine. My allergies are a little worse, though. Last Sunday night I woke up wheezing my ass off at 11 PM. Thankfully it was no ER attack.

I think I mentioned sending a tape to Kim. Well, everyone has tapes, except Bob. It’s time he got his very own copy of edits, convos, etc.

Yesterday at noon I called KOOL FM, my favorite radio station, to request a song. I said I was dedicating it to my fiancé. Tom got a kick out of it. Of course, I taped it.

Later…

I was just eating and outside smoking. Speaking of smoking, I can’t quit so I’ve developed a cutting-down method at least. I’ve been getting too carried away. I’ve been setting the timer so I only have 1 an hour. Soon, after I get comfortable with this, I’ll up the time by 15 minutes. Every 3 days or so, I’ll up it to 15 minutes to slowly lower my nicotine level.

Real early last Sunday morning Tom and I went to JB’s for breakfast.

After, we went to Walmart. I got a leopard print bodysuit, two exercise videos, a journal, and fabric glue. I still have to get new sneakers, ballet slippers (the practice kind you don’t tie around your ankles), and I saw a gorgeous skirt I want. I’m also gonna get a hair removal system. It yanks the hair by the roots and grows back slower and finer. I hear it’s painful, but no pain, no gain. It’s better than breaking my arm again or childbirth. It’s something I can also stop if it hurts too much.

Next month we’re getting a dishwasher. Thank God! We need it.

The exercise videos really work great. One’s Buns of Steel, the other’s Abs of Steel.

The journal I got was really cheap at $2.69. It was the only one of two there that I liked and it’s got no lines. The one with no lines is a nice change here and there. This way I can write super small or big. I can, and I have done that in lined journals, too, but it looks nicer on blank pages. I now have a total of 50 journals!

I also got 3 tubes of fabric glue. Neon colors of pink, green and orange. They all came in 1 package. Tom bought two white T-shirts which I decorated for him. I also did my yellow half-shirt and I’ll do more clothes of mine later. On journal 20 I had glued on material from an old bathing suit. Then I put blue glitter glue on it, but it would always fall off. Well, I tore it all off and decorated it with glue. I also did journal 37 with the glue too, and put 3 rhinestones on it. They were from my half-shirt. They were arranged a bit crooked, so I stuck them on the side of journal 37. Two are blue and one’s yellow. I also put a pink line of glue on the side of journal 5, too.

Later…

Tom’s in the shower now and soon to be off to work. This week he’ll have the next two days off.

I called Carolyn and her boyfriend answered. There’s a possibility of her coming tomorrow afternoon.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1993 I fell asleep around 2:00 or 3:00 PM and although by 10:00 PM I was well-rested, the fucking dog next door woke me up. This weekend for sure, we must seal in any gaps in the soundproofing stuff. This is the last time I’ll be woken up by outside noise, even though it’s only been occasionally. I live in a house now, therefore, I refuse to be woken up by anything outside. Even if it is once or twice a month. The good news is that my asthma’s OK. I just thank God it’s not an everyday thing like it is in apartments I can tolerate dogs and kids very well if it’s off in the distance. I almost like hearing dogs bark way off in the distance. But next door’s too close and too loud. Tom’s snoring is another example. It’s soothingly rhythmic from his room to mine, but I could never deal with it in the same room.

I got two things in the mail yesterday. My referral to a female GYN. Also, a notice of services I didn’t think my health plan covered. Family planning stuff, like birth control pills, IUDs, condoms, Norplant, sponges, creams, shots, vasectomies for guys and tubals for women. At least I don’t have to bother with and deal with all this. Not if he won’t cum and I’m sterile.

Today I really oughta get Kim and Bob’s mail for sure. I mailed Kim her tape in an envelope and wrote “hand cancel” on it.

This weekend or next, Carolyn can do our hair, but in the meantime, I have to get more detangler stuff.

Gotta get like maybe 3 journals and a CD. I’ll save the rest of my money for cigarettes and whatever else I may need. My address labels probably won’t arrive for another month or so.

The cat’s been great. He’s the perfect cat and still never bothers me or claws on my door when I’m in my room. I wish I could keep him.

Now for the weirdest dream of them all, before I forget. I was told by my beautiful neighbors to ring their doorbell at a certain time so I could babysit. I rang their bell and got no answer at the time they told me to. I figured they had to step out. I then looked straight down and realized I was topless! I put my pants on but had forgotten my shirt. So, I glanced over here, thinking, “I better run over here fast and get a shirt on.” But as I turned to run over here, the house kept moving farther and farther away till I was next walking on the beach in CT. I covered my tits with my hand and hair, and in my other hand, I had my journal. The beach was crowded and although no one seemed to notice me, I had to walk out in the water. It was so mobbed that there was no room on the sand, but the water kept getting deeper and deeper. The last thing I remember before waking up was, “Oh shit! My journal’s underwater.” It was up to my neck.

Later…

I am 97 pounds according to the scale, but I’m just finishing my period, so of course I am. In a few days, I’ll be closer to 100. Those Pre-Sym pills do help a bit as far as the bloating goes from water retention.

I’m playing some edits right now and just had another sneezing fit. It was worse yesterday. This weekend I’m gonna dust and vacuum. Gotta do the dishes, too, but hopefully for only 1 more month.

Now I’m gonna make Tom some sandwiches.

Later…

I just made Tom 8 sandwiches. It’s funny but true, that on weekdays I make his sandwiches, and on weekends he makes me my coffee. Also, on weekends, he cooks and I clean. I hate being around him when he eats though. I always thought Andy was #1 on my list of those who are totally obnoxious when they eat making these gross smacking sounds. Not anymore. Tom’s disgusting. Way worse than Andy and me. We agreed to talk about the stuff that bothers one another, but he takes it wrong when I try to tell him about this obnoxious chomping of his. He takes it as a cut-down and gets defensive.

Yesterday morning he and I had a nice talk about his family. He said whenever I’m ready to meet them, fine. He’s been good about this, too, and has never pressured me. I told him I was hesitant cuz everybody loves a liar, and I don’t want to pretend to be who I’m not to please anyone. I’m happy with what and who I am but was afraid they’d cut him down as he has a great job and car, and I don’t. Also, cuz he looks like a conservative man and I look like a girl who’s more on the flashy, modern style of looks. We don’t look the same as most couples do. If his family asks me what work I’ve done, I’m not gonna lie. I’m proud to have been a dancer and to hell with what anyone else thinks. People want to hear awesome lies, rather than the truth at times, although Tom says not to worry at all. I also don’t want to seem selfish either. If Tammy lived here, he would’ve gladly met her long ago.

It’s incredibly chilly out now, so thank God I have this heater. It’ll warm up to 83º today and yesterday was about 85º. I was out back for a bit yesterday afternoon and it was beautiful. Too cool for a bathing suit, but too warm for a heavy shirt. A thin half-shirt was fine.

Today or tomorrow Steve will get his letter. I’m sure he’ll show it to everyone in the office and the entire complex. He’ll also suspect me too, but I don’t give a shit. He’s the type that’ll think it’s weird and somewhat funny, but will mainly be pissed, paranoid and probably scared. I’m sure by now Scott has fucked him over. They’ve probably fucked each other over. How can Bonnie live with a guy like him? I always wondered.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1993 This cat is so good. I wish it were mine. He’s so friendly and loving. He now seems so happy here. He’s not obnoxious and doesn’t wake me up. When I go into my room and close the door he doesn’t claw at it. I think it’s best to keep him out of my room. He knows Tom, but would definitely rather hang with me. This is good, though, as I have much more time to play with him than Tom does. I’m sitting at the table in the living room and he’s sitting right by me. He’s come totally out of his shell.

Now that I’ve been gone two months from Crystal Creek, I decided it was time for Steve to hear from me. You know, the guy that lived below me when I was next to Tom. I assume he and Bonnie are still there. If not, his letter will be forwarded. I never knew his last name, so I addressed it to Steve Jensen. How did I come up with Jensen? Well, Steve’s a firefighter. One time I saw a firefighter on TV here in PHX with that name, so he oughta get a kick out of that one. I’ll bet they do know each other. I pretty much wrote some funny stuff.

I was slightly annoyed earlier as I recorded 3 shows but forgot to up the volume on the VCR remote, so I can’t hear anything. Oh well, they will repeat this show in a few months. All they do these days is 10-15 new shows on almost each of the series, then repeat them all 3 times.

I’m still debating on whether or not to mail Kim’s tape in a mailbag or an envelope. I have done both in the past and they’ve both worked. We’ll see.

Also, when the stamps run out, I could order 50 more or get stamped envelopes. We’ll need envelopes soon, too.

Yesterday Tom got a Signet bill, so I addressed the final letter for Tammy and I’ve mailed out all 3.

Yesterday Tom also got me a portable heater and I love it. It works so well and has a fan and an air purifier too. There are wall heaters here, but only in the living room, the hall by the bathroom and his room, and in the back room. There’s none in our bedrooms and the only thing that comes out of the vents is the AC and EC.

The cactuses I got with Kim are starting to grow.

Later…

Yesterday I called my doctor’s office. They didn’t have my current number and address, even though I gave it to them, so they left a message with Andy. They’re mailing my referral. I have no infections, but they say I have non-malignant cell changes. So. What’s the big deal? Everyone’s cells change, so why should I go to a specialist? Tom says he’s gonna try to talk me into going, but why put myself through more discomfort for nothing? Plus half the GYNs say one thing, while the other half say another. An example of that is, half say I’m average size down there. The other half says I’m too small. I know I’m small. It’s been obvious enough. They also say I can have sex. I have nothing that can hurt Tom, but I’m not sure that’ll make a difference in his appetite.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this yet, but Nervous is gonna be getting an awful lot of mail. Tom got a package of 25 no-postage-necessary postcards for computer stuff. I’d have loved to have sent them to Stacey, Andi, and several others, but they’ll just run and try to get another conjunction. Although they’d lose again, I don’t need the bullshit, so they’re all going to Nervous.

I told Tom of all those weird dreams and he thought they were quite bizarre, too. I have yet to write about one more, but before I do, let me thank God I slept OK. I knocked off at 4 PM, got up at 9:30, took my meds and went back to bed till 1 AM. I talked to Andy at 2 AM for about 20 minutes. Tomorrow he’s taking the AT&T test for the fourth time. I really hope he passes. Again he was saying how he wishes I could go take that test for him. Also that he would’ve gotten a 40% on the civil service test, whereas I pulled off an 81%. How, who knows?

My hand’s pretty sore, so later I’ll do the dream, as well as a list of stuff I want.

Later…

Tom’s gone out to get my prescription and some groceries.

We had a great talk earlier. We finally are beginning to have extra money and things have been so much better with us, it’s making me again want to marry him. To hell with the odds and statistics. I’ve been made to eat my words once again and that is about it getting better with time, rather than worse. But I’ll still never have a kid even though he thinks I’d be a good mom.

He got some great ideas for me to help him out with the computer by doing icons and releasing them for possible donations if people like them. He’s gonna write a biography on me. He told me what he was gonna say and it was very flattering.

He said his friend Wendy says I should go to the crotch doctor as the cell changes could be pre-cancerous. Why oh why must I deal with this? I’ve had enough. Dealing with asthma and allergies is enough.

I got my period and it’s almost over, so at least I’m not horny.

Tom says he ordered something for me by mail, but he won’t say what. It’s multi-colored and made of paper.

I sent a check for $34 for 100 stamped envelopes by mail. Hopefully, my address labels get here soon, and Kim’s package and Bob’s letter.

For Hanukkah, I’ll send Tammy and all of them a check for $25 and only buy a few Hanukkah cards.

When I decide what to do for Tom, do I do it on the 9th or the 25th? How do couples work this out when only one’s Jewish? I’ll figure it out. I’m sure there’s a way. Cuz even though I don’t consider myself Jewish or of any other religion, it’s been a lifelong habit to celebrate or exchange gifts at Hanukkah and ignore Christmas. Except for all the pretty lights, decorations and Christmas songs, it would’ve been so much more fun to have been Catholic as a kid. There are certainly no Jewish Santas. No pretty trees to decorate. Only 8 lousy candles.

In December we might get a dishwasher, then a camcorder. I may also go to Vegas and California in this life. Can you imagine that?! Me? California! Well, that’s what I said about Phoenix, dancing, modeling, relationships, living in a house and marriage. But no kid.

Guess I’ll go make coffee now.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 1993 Today was sort of a shitty day. I was living in an apartment all over again. It sure felt that way when the assholes next door woke me up 6 times from 6 PM - 11 PM moving furniture. They were moving something in and out. I’ve always wanted to live in a house and now that I finally do, neighbors are still waking me up. While I seldom hear them, their fucking dog is unpredictable. Whether it’s daily or occasionally, I’m so sick of listening to other people’s noise. I want to wake up when I say so, not someone else’s dog or activities. Also, when I’m awake, I wanna hear my noise. Not someone else’s. I hope these people decided they hate it here and are moving out and a guy like Tom moves in. It’d be so nice to have one person over there with little or no company and no dog. It’d also be nice if these houses weren’t so close.

On the lighter side of things, Kim left a message that relieved my fears. Bob’s alive and well and hasn’t written due to not having money for stamps. She said he was quite ecstatic cuz his court date’s only two weeks away and looking good. In his favor, I mean. She said he was quite “normal” for a change and he mailed me a letter. Kim says my package is to be mailed out today. Can’t wait.

No referral or call from my doctor yet. Oh well, but I am gonna call Tammy now. I still need to read that letter to her.

Also, the cat’s here. It hid behind the stove for a while, but I eventually coaxed it out. It’s friendly and yes, a bit chubby. Shadow was bigger, though. Longer and taller, I mean.

Later…

I finally got ahold of Tam to read the letter to her and to add stuff for her. I printed and mailed 2 of the 3 letters for her. I’m waiting for Tom to get a bill from Signet so I can get the address.

I don’t know this cat’s name, so I’ve been calling him Shadow. He came out from hiding again and was meowing by his litter box.

I sure hope I get Bob’s letter today. Hope to hear from Alex soon, too.

Later…

Tom will be home any minute, but I figured I’d write till then.

Ellie had given me hair glitter gel. I finally used it and it sucks. My hair is all matted.

Last night, around midnight I called Andy. I played him a little more than a half-hour of edits. He called the VV machine. Stacey’s still working there as I figured. Her voice is still on the outgoing message. Two quick segments of her were left. The bitch will probably go call the idiots in Florida, but I could care less. Either them or the so-called parole officer I never had.

Speaking of Stacey, I had a weird dream with her in it and the assholes next door. I dreamt I went out back and caught her sitting by the pool. She had a huge German shepherd that almost bit my knee, but I didn’t care. I was too busy cussing her out.

I was also visiting these so-called people next door, but it didn’t look like a house. I was sitting talking to them in their living room when one of them opened their fireplace door which was solid. The back wall of the fireplace was glass, though, and through it, I could see the apartment next door’s fireplace and into their apartment which was all brick. Then weirdly enough, as I was leaving and walked out the front door, I was outside my old door at Crystal Creek.

Then, there was this part where I was standing at our front door here and glanced down a slight hill at theirs. It seemed to be a brown wooden colored house, much bigger with two floors. I remember turning to Tom who was sitting on the couch and saying, “It’s amazing how they live so close, yet so far.” Apparently, the house was at an angle.

In another part, I was walking across my backyard and through the back of theirs. (there was no block wall) Inside they were talking to Stacey.

Tom’s home now, so I’ll have to remember the weirdest part for later.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1993 Well, I got my period a few hours ago. No severe cramps thankfully.

Yesterday I did more editing.

Tammy called really early, but we were both up. She gave me the addresses of the credit card companies she owes money. I typed a letter to them for her and I will call her at 8 AM her time (later) and see if they’re OK. The letter basically says how she’s struggling and trying to find a job.

Later…

I decided I do like and prefer my phone numbers to be in a journal, rather than an address book. I’ve written stories halfway through #35, and I have decided I’m definitely sick of story writing, so the last half is phone numbers. I’ll probably write stories on and off here and there, but for the most part, I’m tired of it. They’re easier to keep in my head, rather than write them down.

I called Kim a few hours ago. She hasn’t had time, due to tons of ambulance calls, to go check on Bob. She will soon, she says. There’s definitely something wrong. Neither of us has heard a word from him.

Also, no one in my beautiful family’s tried to call, thankfully. Tammy never mentioned anything the last time we spoke, so nothing too exciting’s going on, I guess.

My parents will never send my other guitar, let alone my pictures. I’m sure she never kept the pictures. That was never her intention. Her intention was to throw them away and that’s exactly what she did.

Later…

I just finished making 7 sandwiches for Tom. That oughta help him out and make his workweek easier.

Tomorrow, before he goes to work, he’s picking up that cat that needs to be on a diet.

I have to remember to call Mary soon. It’s been a while since we last spoke and I’ll bet she’s lost my number. I should’ve heard from her by now.

Oh, almost forgot. Yesterday morning I finally spoke to Carolyn (Andy’s coworker). Tom needs his hair cut too, and she says she’ll only charge $5. Between Tom and I, that’d be $10 instead of $16 and she’ll come here. Maybe this weekend.

I can’t wait till Kim sends me that tooth whitener and the camera.

I also can’t wait till I know what in the world happened to Bob. I wish I knew. I hope he’s OK. I hope he gets out here. I need more letters from him. Gotta start filling up Book of Letters #5. It’s got only one full page done. I also hope Alex writes and more often than once a year. Kim says he is a big writer and that once he starts, he goes on and on. Kim said she and Phil got a kick out of Alex’s letter.

I let Kim know I’m sending her a tape. On one side there’s a funny convo with me, Andy, Fran and Nervous. The other side has Andy and Laurie H and also one she’s never heard that I just found of me, Bob and Andy. She oughta enjoy it.

Well, anyway, I think I’ll go do some more editing. It’s been coming along really well. Tom heard some new ones last night. Andy said I could leave them on his machine, but it’ll take forever. It’s a pain in the ass when the VM only goes for 3 minutes each. I’ll wait till we’re on the phone and I’ll play them for him live.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1993 Today was another very good day. Yesterday morning I didn’t fall asleep till nearly 11:00 and was shocked to have slept till 7 PM. There are tons of kids on this street, yet never did I hear a knock or a doorbell. Not even after I got up. I’m so grateful that I hardly ever hear kids. I sure don’t miss hearing them 24/7. The only thing that can sometimes be obnoxious is the dog next door. It’s always outside. The soundproofing stuff in windows really helps. Tom and I are gonna seal it up soon.

This Tuesday we’re having a cat here, but only temporarily. Some elderly couple he knows has 10 cats. One’s gotten fat and needs to be on a diet, so it’ll be here for a month or two.

When I got up, I danced and exercised a bit. Later, Tom set up his keyboard and we played a little of that and some guitar.

I drew a horse which he really likes. Yeah, it was a lucky shot.

Last night we baked chocolate chip cookies and we still got plenty left over. He cooked us burgers and mashed potatoes. Soon I’m gonna go zap some leftovers.

Fran called. It’s cold and snowing! They’re only two hours ahead now.

I hear Tom opening a soda.

Later…

I’m back after having a cookie and telling Tom about a great idea I came up with. The idea is to build a shelf that goes around the whole room across the middle of the wall. Maybe a foot lower than the middle (between the floor and ceiling).

Someone’s out having a good time now. I heard a car stereo. Other than that, it’s quiet and rather chilly out.

Gotta go pee now, but I’ll write more later.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Pattinson

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!reader

Synopsis: Tom gets jealous when you reveal your celebrity crush on Robert Pattinson

Masterlist

“Okay I saw these on Tik Tok and I had to get them for you.” Zendaya grinned as she slid a small black box towards you.

“What is it?” You eyed her skeptically as you accepted the box.

“Just open it and look.” She smiled and rubbed her hands together.

“No.” You gasped as you opened the box. “Team Edward underwear?”

You picked up a pair of lacy black paintings and held them out in front of you. The phrase “Team Edward” was stitched in bold white letters right over the crotch.

“Oh my God.” You burst into laughter. “What are these?”

“They’re just panties.” She said innocently. “I thought you’d like them.”

“I do but I cannot wear this around Tom.” You laughed and set them down. “He’ll think I’m insane.”

“Them wear them when he’s away.” She shrugged.

“I cannot believe you bought these.” You shook your head at her. “Or that someone made them. Or that I want to wear them more than anything.”

“See?” She smiled proudly. “I knew you’d like them.”

“I do.” You admitted. “But Tom can never know they exist.”

You put the panties away in your drawer that night and forgot about them. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when you were a guest on the Graham Norton show that your love of Twilight was brought up once again.

“Now, Y/n, I hear you’re a big Twilight fan.” Graham began.

“Yup. Last time I checked.” You nodded, purposefully quoting Jacob Black.

“Are you really?” Graham giggled.

“I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen those movies.” You shook your head. “Especially the first one. Everyone few months I just sit down and shot gun the series.”

“Were you Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

“Team Edward all the way.” You said immediately. “This is so embarrassing, but I used to leave my window open when I was in middle school so Edward could come in.”

“That’s some dedication.” Graham laughed. “Did he ever come?”

“No. He never did.” You pouted. “13 year old me was really disappointed.”

“I hear you even got a tattoo.” Graham raised his eyebrows, making you hide your face in shame.

“I do.” You laughed behind your hand. “I got too drunk halfway through Eclipse and got a tattoo.”

“You have to show us.” Graham insisted.

“Okay but don’t laugh.” You laughed in defeat and rolled up your sleeve. You held your arm out to the camera, showing off your tattoo that read “Robert Pattinson” in tiny letters on your arm. The audience and Graham laughed at the randomness at the tattoo as your face heated in embarrassment.

“Look at this, it’s not even Twilight related”. Graham laughed. “It’s just Roberts name.”

“I wanted to get to the point.” You shrugged, earning some laughs.

“Why this font?” He wondered as he stared at the tattoo.

“It’s helvetica.” You deadpanned, making Graham cover his face with his cards as he laughed.

“It looks like you’ve just typed this out on the computer.” He pointed out.

“I was drunk.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “And it felt right in the moment.”

“You’ve never met Robert, right?” Graham asked. “You haven’t showed this to him?”

“No, I’ve never met him”. You sighed dramatically. “And he will never see this tattoo.”

“Well then you better cover it up.” Graham said as he looked behind him. “Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Pattinson.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and looked behind Graham as Robert Pattinson came out from back stage. He was in a navy suit, looking as beautiful as ever as he walked towards the couch.

“Oh My God.” You covered your face with your hands as the audience became deafening. You could hear Robert and Graham greeting each other over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. Slowly, you took your face away from your hands and sheepishly looked up.

��Nice to meet you. I’m Rob.” Robert smiled as he looked down at you.

“Hi.” You smiled weakly as you stood up. Robert shook your hand and kissed your cheek to say hello, making you die on the spot. You let go of him and sat down on the couch, never taking your eyes off Robert.

“This is…” Graham gestured to you a few times, reminding you to say your name.

“Y/n. Sorry.” You blinked a few times. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m a big fan.”

“Are you?” Robert asked as he sat down. “You a Twilight fan?”

“No, I haven’t seen it.” You lied as you collected yourself.

“You just said-“

“I love all your other movies though.” You cut Graham off. “I really admire your work. Your acting is phenomenal.”

“Thank you.” Robert smiled at you. “I’ve seen some of your work as well. I’m always very impressed.”

“Are you?” You squeaked.

“I am.” Robert chuckled. “You’re very talented. I hope we get to work together someday.”

“I’m surprised you two haven’t met before.” Graham cut in. “Y/n, Rob was in a movie with your boyfriend, wasn’t he?”

“With my what?” You asked as you stared starstuck at Robert.

“Your boyfriend.” Graham repeated as the audience laughed. “Tom Holland?”

“Right.” You laughed awkwardly as you continued to stare at Robert. “Him.”

“Yeah, we were in a movie together a few years ago.” Robert answered. “And we’re going to start filming another one soon. It’s called the Devil All The Time.”

“Right.” You remembered. “He told me about it. I was so jealous that he’s getting to work with you for a second time.”

“I’m sure you and I will share the screen one day. Playing lovers, perhaps.” Robert joked as he nudged you.

“Perhaps.” You squeaked.

“We’re gonna cut to commercial.” Graham announced. “More with Robert Pattinson and Y/n L/n after the break.”

After the interview, you ran back to your dressing room with a huge smile. You had not stopped smiling since Robert had walked out on stage. You walked into your dressing room and saw Tom sitting on your couch, making you let out a squeal.

“Ahh! Did you see me?” You gushed. “Did you see me with Edward?”

“Edward?” He chuckled as he hugged you. “You mean Robert Pattinson?”

“Yeah. Him.” You clapped your hands. “He shook my hand and kissed my cheek. I almost passed out. I’m in love with him.”

“I didn’t realize you were such a big fan.” Tom laughed awkwardly as you danced around the room.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been in love with that man for over ten years now. I’m never washing my hand again.” You held out the hand he shook. “Or my face. God, he’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah. I’ve seen him.” Toms smile slowly faded. “We worked together, you know.”

“I know. You’re so lucky.” You sighed. “Did you hear him saw he wanted us to play lovers in a movie? Can you imagine if that actually happens?”

“No.” Tom said flatly. Before you could notice his indifference, someone knocked at your soon.

“Op. Someones at the door.” You said as you twisted the handle. You opened the door to reveal Robert leaning against your doorframe, knocking the air out of your chest.

“Hello again.” Robert smiled at you.

“Rob!” You stammered in surprise. “Hi.”

“Nice to see you again, Tom.” Robert said as he looked behind you. “How you been, mate?”

“I’ve been good. You?” Tom asked as he stood beside you. He wrapped a protective arm around your shoulders, not liking how fond you were of his former costar.

“Can’t complain.” Robert shrugged. “I’m excited to start filming though. I’ve been working on the accent but I’m not sure I’ve gotten it yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” You told him. “You’ve done great accents before.”

“Thank you.” He winked at you. “You should come to visit us once we start filming. I’d love to see you again.”

“Of course.” You nodded repeatedly. “I’ll be there.”

“Great.” Robert grinned. “I’ll let you guys get back to it. Bye.”

“Bye.” You enthusiastically waved to him.

“Oh, and Y/n?” Robert said before walking away.

“Yes?” You asked hopefully.

“Close your windows.” He joked, calling back to your story from before. You felt your face heat up and gave him an embarrassed smile before nodding.

“I will.” You told him. Robert firmly squeezed your shoulder before walking away. As soon as you shut the door, you let out a scream and jumped up and down.

“Did you hear that?” You asked Tom. “We have an inside joke. Edward Cullen and I have an inside joke.”

“You do know his name is Rob, right?” Tom said, less than amused. “Not Edward.”

“He’s Edward to me.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’ve never been this close to getting a vampire boyfriend. Ah, I’m so happy.”

“You already have a boyfriend.” Tom reminded you as he slumped on your couch. First he had to watch you and Robert fawn over each other on Graham’s couch, and now you wouldn’t stop talking about him. Tom was more than jealous at this point and it was starting to get to him.

“I know.” You chuckled as you sat beside Tom and laid your head on his shoulder. “And I love you. Even if you’re not a vampire.”

“Wow. Even if?” He chuckled sarcastically as he wrapped an arm around you. You leaned up to kiss him, making him feel better. You may be a fan of Robert, but Tom was the one you were kissing.

~

As promised, Tom brought you with him to the set of The Devil All The Time. He left you in his trailer early in the morning when he left to film, but you were nowhere to be found by the time he returned at the end of the day. Tom pouted when he found his trailer empty and went for a walk around the set to try and find you. When you didn’t turn up in any of the places he checked, he returned to his trailer in defeat.

“Darling?” Tom asked as he walked into his trailer. “Are you in here?”

“Where the hell you been, loca?” You asked as you threw your arms around Tom.

“What?” Tom laughed as he hugged you back, just happy to have found you.

“It was a Twilight reference.” You explained before kissing him hello. “I’ve been trying so hard not to make them around Edward all day.”

“You’ve been with Rob all day?” Tom pulled away, his mood dropping quickly.

“Uh huh.” You nodded in excitement. “I was helping him run lines in his trailer. Can you believe he asked me to help him?”

“Good for you.” Tom grumbled as he flopped down on his couch.

“What’s wrong?” You asked when you noticed Toms tone.

“Do you have feelings for this guy or something?” Tom asked. “Cause it’s starting to seem like you’d rather be with Rob.”

“What?” You laughed. “Tommy, don’t be silly. Of course I don’t have feelings for Rob.”

“Really?” Tom raised an eyebrow. “Because you’ve spent all days running lines with him instead of me, your boyfriend. When he’s around, he’s all you talk about Y/n. And I remember you saying you were in love with him multiple times.”

“I’m not in love with him, silly.” You insisted as you took a seat on his lap. “I’m in love with Edward Cullen. He was my comfort character growing up. I didn’t have a lot of friends in school, so I read books. Sometimes, it was nice to pretend a gorgeous vampire was willing to risk the Volturi to be with you.”

“The what?” Tom asked.

“It’s like the Vampire Supreme Court.” You replied.

“The what?” Tom repeated.

“Oh, right. British.” You remembered. “They’re just the most powerful vampire coven, okay? They make all the rules. You’d know them if you saw them. It’s Charlie Seen and that bitch from Cat in the Hat.”

“What does this have to do you liking Rob?” Tom whined.

“Right, sorry.” You waved your hand in dismissal. “I don’t have feelings for Rob. I don’t even know him. I’m just projecting the character I loved growing up onto the actor who played him. You’re telling me you didn’t geek out the first time you met RDJ?”

“I did.” Tom admitted.

“Exactly. He was your childhood hero and Edward was mine. That’s all this is.” You smiled and patted his cheek. “Nothing to worry about, Tommy.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Tom pouted and rubbed your back. “I shouldn’t have accused you of anything.”

“It’s okay. I can see why you got a little jealous. I have been talking about him a lot.” You admitted. “But I promise you, when I look at him, all I see is Edward. Just straight up baseball uniforms and spider monkies.”

“What the hell goes on in those movies?” Tom mumbled under his breath.

“Well, the last two are pretty much an abortion debate.” You began. “But they’re also about Bella being willing to die for that vampire dick.”

“In a vampire movie?” Tom wondered.

“Yeah. But the first one is a baseball movie.” You told him.

“What the fuck?” He whispered.

“You’d understand it if you saw them.” You shrugged.

“I don’t think I would.” He said skeptically.

“I also don’t think you would.” You realized. “But you’d finally understand why I call you my “monkey man” sometimes.”

“That’s a Twilight reference?” He gasped.

“Yeah. A lot of things I say are Twilight references.” You chuckled.

“Well if my darling loves them that much, I might have to give them a chance.” Tom smiled as he leaned in to kiss him.

“Mmm.” You hummed against his lips. “You wanna watch 10 hours of Twilight with me?”

“Absolutely not.” Tom laughed against your mouth. He slowly laid you down on the couch as he hovered on top of you, never break the kiss. The kiss got more heated as you gripped his shirt while his hands slid down to your pants. As his hangs found your zipper, you realized something terrifying.

“Oh no.” You gulped.

“Whats wrong?” Tom wondered as he pulled away.

“Um...” you gulped and looked down at your lap. “You’re not gonna want to do that.”

“Why?” Tom raised an eyebrow, eyes darting down to your zipper skeptically.

“Daya sent me underwear a while ago.” You began. “Um, special underwear.”

“Did she?” Tom smirked as he tugged the zipper down.

“Not that kind of special.” You quickly moved his hand. “It um, it has a slogan on it.”

“Okay?” Tom said slowly.

“You’re not gonna like it.” You told him, only making his curiosity grow. Tom looked at you curiously before tugging your pants down. You covered your face with your hands as he gasped in horror.

“Team Edward?” He yelled. “Your underwear says Team Edward?”

“It was all I had!” You protested as you tugged your pants back up.

“You’re telling me you happened to be wearing these the day you come to visit Rob on set?” Tom pointed an accusing finger at you.

“What are you implying?” You asked as you swatted his hand away. Tom ran his hands through his hair and gave it a stressful tug. He didn’t want to take his insecurity out on you, but the underwear had crossed a line.

“Did you think something was gonna happen between you guys?” He mumbled without looking at you.

“What?” You laughed in shock. “Do you seriously think I woke up this morning and thought “hm, might fuck Robert Pattinson today. Let me make sure I put on my underwear that references a character of his from ten years ago!””

“I don’t know!” He whined. “I can’t believe you’re wearing those.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” You laughed as he stormed out of the room. “Tommy, come back.”

“Why are you laughing?” He pouted, face still red from jealousy.

“Because you’re upset over my underwear.” You tried to hold back your laughter. “You know, you could solve this problem by taking them off.”

“No.” He stamped his foot. “You don’t want me. You want you Edgar Curtain and his killer vampire penis.”

“It’s Edward Cullen.” You corrected. “And yes, I do want that.”

“Oh my God.” Tom rubbed his face, making you laugh again.

“Edward would never treat me this way.” You teased. “He would have sex with me and then get scared that he hurt me so he just plays chess with me the rest of our honeymoon.”

“Would he now?” Tom seethed.

“Tommy, please calm down.” You chuckled as you cupped his face. “It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that I was wearing these. I promise, you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re the only one I want.”

“Really?” He asked skeptically as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“What can I say?” You smirked. “I’m Team Tom.”

Tag List 🏷

@awesomebooklover17 @thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling @serendipitous-amor @dummiesshort

@foreverxholland @lavender-writer @michaela072796 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101 @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @maryjanee23 @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland @flixndchill @sovereignparker @thisisthebiplace @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @fiantomartell @solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @smilexcaptainx @quaksonhehe @kelieah @kickingn-ames @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @spideyanakin @horanxholland @thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @heyheycharlatte @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @tomshufflepuff 

@maybemona @alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom​ @xo-spidey​ @big-galaxy-chaos @pandaxnienke @theincredibledeadlyviper​  @thestylestour​  @officialsimppage @mrvelscaptains​ @peterbenjiparker​ @itsemohours​ @okkulta​ @parkerlovebot @jungkxxkk​ @friendlyneighborhood-mendes​  @olixerwxxd​ @starkbrain​ @creatorofthegalaxy​ @ilovefrogs1000​ @itstaskeen​ @wrendermeuseless​ @amazinggracy​ @iprobablyshipit91​ @magicalxdaydream​ @whereismytelephone​ @theonly1outof-a-billion​ @leilanixx​ @namoreno​ @bi-lmg​ @dracoswhore007​ @tomhollandloml​ @avengers-hamiltrash​ @sunshinepeterparkr​ @gh0stgurl​ @so-very-asleep​ @veryholland​ @white-wolf1940​ @spideycheles​ @firwproof-blog​  @pinklxmonade-blog​ @thebestqueenoftheworld​ @nowayhomeparker​ @willowestelle​ @imobsessedzs​ @spideyspeaches​ @bookfrog242​ @hihiweezing​ @mathletemadison​  @chipot-lol​ @mackenziejanine​ @dhtomholland​ @peterstommy​ @insomniac-nerd-posts-things​ @prancerrparkerr​ @aayaissaa​ @loudthoughts-softspoken​ @starknik22​ @hallecarey1​ @tom-holland-is-bae​ @adayasgeorgia​ @sam-hollandsgirl​ @blackwidowisthebest​ @imawhoreforu​​

[itsallyscorner]

okay so I love littlemix!reader x Tom holland??? the best pairing ever??? Anyways could you do something based of Holiday, like it’s obviously based off their lovers and maybe his reaction to the song & mv? Pls I’m in love with Baby Mix btw 😌❤️

Glad you’re enjoying the Little Mix member!reader x Tom Holland fics, I’m enjoying them too🥰 Thank you for the support on Baby Mix, btw, I appreciate it! Sorry for taking so long! Much love and happy reading💖

💌.

Holiday

I completely forgot when the girls dropped the video so I’m making up a time. Enjoy:)

Counting down the minutes to midnight, Tom continuously refreshed the YouTube app on your smart tv. The two of your were in his shared home with Harry, Harrison, and Tuwaine. You’ve been staying with the lot since the beginning of quarantine; London’s travel ban prevented you from catching a flight back home to your family, resulting in your boyfriend, Tom, begging you to stay with him and his mates. You didn’t have a problem with it in all honesty, the boys were great and respectful roommates. Though you were the only woman in the house, they provided you with entertainment and respected your alone time. They were a nice group of lads, letting you in on inside jokes and making you feel like you were part of the gang. By now, you probably were part of the gang. Harrison even considered on replacing Tom with you.

“Bubs, the video’s not gonna be up yet.” You glance at the screen that showed the previous videos the band’s channel posted. Tom huffed, nudging your arms apart so he can squeeze through them to lay on your chest. The two of you were currently in his room waiting for the release of Holiday’s music video. Tom had been anticipating the video all day, asking for hints about the music video’s concept and wondering how it looked.

With his body snuggled up against yours, he rested his head on your chest and wrapped his arm around your torso. His other hand reached towards the tv with the remote as he clicked the video for Break Up Song.

“I know it’s not gonna be up yet, but what if they accidentally uploaded it early? I wanna see the video already.” He whined. His fingers began to drum to the beat of Break Up Song on your stomach.

You laughed, fingers carding through his brown curls that have grown for the past months. He hums along to the song while you text the girls. He lets out a chuckle once he sees you on the screen doing the dance that he’s been helping you learn for the video. You had been struggling to get the choreography down and doing the moves on time. Noticing your desperate attempts at the moves, Tom offered to help you. Obviously in the end you perfected the choreography, seeing as it made the video, thanks to Tom.

“You are so cute.” He mused watching you dance around in the video. “Look at you dance, I don’t know what you were so worried about. You look so adorable when you dance and look at your face! Just wanna squish those cheeks together.” He began to tease you. You whine his name out as he reached up to squish your cheeks together with his hand. Your phone began to rang causing him to stop. He glances at the sceeen, “It’s my best friend, lemme answer it.”

“Go ahead.” You giggled handing him your phone. His head remains on your chest as he answers the FaceTime call. Jesy pops up on the screen with a giant smile but it drops once she sees Tom, changing into a playful scowl.

“Hi best friend!” Tom greets her loudly, a playful grin on his face. Jesy rolls her eyes at the boy.

“Hi Tom.” She greeted him sarcastically. “Give the phone to (y/n).”

“She’s right here, see,” Tom moved the phone further away so you were both in the frame. You waved at her, “Jess I miss you!” You cried.

“I miss you too darling—Tom give her the bloody phone!” Jesy scolded him through the phone. He let out a dramatic sigh before handing you your phone and snuggling into your stomach, mumbling something about “not being able to catch a break from the constant bullying of Jesy Nelson.”

“Right just a few minutes left, I’m trying to get the other girls on here.” Jesy explained as she tapped around her phone. Sooner or later. The two of you were joined by Perrie, Jade, and Leigh-Anne.

Perrie let out a squeal as she saw everyone on the screen, “You guys I miss you so much!”

“Didn’t we all see each other just a few weeks ago?” Jade asked sipping on a glass of wine as per usual.

“Yeah, on the set, but it’s a few weeks too long.” You pouted. You noticed that everyone was drinking except for you, “Wait, has everyone got a drink except for me?”

Leigh-Anne’s eyes scanned everyone on the screen, “You are, are you in bed already? It’s so early babe.”

“Leigh-Anne’s it’s literally about to be midnight, it’s late.” Jesy chimes. Jade makes a sound of disagreement, “I mean does time even matter anymore?”

“What day is it anyway? I’ve lost track.” Perrie thought out loud. You moved to get up from the bed but Tom stopped you. “Where are you going?” He whispered.

“I’m getting a drink, I’ll be back.” You patted his cheek before sitting up. He stops you once again and stands from the bed, “I’ll get you one.” He kisses your temple and leaves the room.

“Aww, was that Tom?” Jade asked leaning closer to her camera. You hummed, “Yup, being the amazing boyfriend he is and getting me a drink.”

Perrie smirked at you, “Gosh, there’s that smile again. She’s whipped for ‘im ladies!” The girls began “ooo-ing” like a bunch of elementary school girls. “Guys, stop.” You whine.

“Have you told him the part you wrote was inspired by him?” Leigh-Anne asked, chin in her palm.

“No, I’ll tell him while he’s watching. He’s been so excited the whole day, probably more than me.” You chuckle. As if on cue, Tom comes back in with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

“Tom’s going to be so nerdy about it, like a cute nerdy, you know what I mean? All mushy gushy. Like how he gets whenever (y/n) kisses his cheeks.” Jesy said as the girls cooed. Tom peeks from beside you.

“Did I hear that correctly? Did Jesy just compliment me?” He asked everyone, looking back at you for confirmation. You shrugged as you looked at Jesy. Jade stifled a laugh at Jesy’s annoyed expression.

“Oh fuck off you div. It’s an observation. You could barely compose yourself whenever you’re around (y/n).” Jesy playfully jabs at him. You adored their friendship, it was like a brother/sister bond. Jesy being the older sibling and Tom being the annoying little brother.

“Jes, leave the poor boy alone, he makes our baby happy.” Perrie defended Tom. Tom smiles thankfully at her, “Thank you Perrie, at least I know some of you like me.”

Tom pops open the champagne and takes one of the glasses to pour the beverage in, “But I’ll take it as a compliment Jes. Cheers to that.” He raises his glass and clinks it with your phone screen. You and the girls continue to talk until midnight. When the video was finally released you all celebrated and took some screenshots of each other to post later.

When your FaceTime call with the girls ended, you turned to Tom, who already had the video up on the screen. He made grabby hands at you and pulled you to sit in between his legs. With his back against the headboard he made sure the two of you were comfy before asking you, “Can I click play now?”

You chuckled at him as his leg bounced, “Yup.” He pressed play, placing the remote down and wrapping his arm around your front to pull you closer to him. The intro to the video starts, the title of the song appearing on the screen in a water type font. Jesy pops up on the screen singing her part, Tom cheers yelling “It’s my best friend!”

Tom hypes each of the girls up while they appear on the screen, cheering their names. When the chorus comes, his brows furrow as he looks down at you. “Wait where are you? Why—why didn’t they show you yet?” He questioned you, visibly upset. You were about to answer but instead pointed to the screen when you realized your part was coming up.

Boy, have I told ya?

You give it to me like no other guy

We got that heat, yeah, like the summer (summer)

And that's why I'm so glad I made you mine

You appeared on the screen, body cladded in a white bikini that had gold straps for both the bra and thong. You bursted out laughing when you saw Tom’s reaction. His eyes look like they were about to bulge out his head while his jaw was slacked.

“Holy...shit.” He mumbled eyes glued to the screen as you sang. The scene was you in that blue hallway type set. You looked at the camera, bedroom eyes fully activated as your back slid down the wall. You felt his grip around you tighten, his breathing getting deeper.

The scene changed to the one with the planets, sculptures, and lounging chairs. You were seen walking towards a Chaise lounge, giving the camera a perfect view of your bum. While you sat sideways on the couch in the video, Tom couldn’t help but think about how gorgeous you looked in the video. You looked like a goddess, confident as you strutted around in that little number of yours in the video.

You turned to look at him once your part was done and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “You know my whole part was about you right?” His head snaps to look at you, “You wrote something about me in a song?”

“Tommy, I always do. Who else would I be singing about?” You asked him amused. He took a second to think before shaking his head, “I thought it was in general, like it was based on how you would feel if you were with someone that made you feel that way.”

You nod at his explanation, “Well yeah, the fans could see it that way. But when I sing it, it’s about you.”

A goofy grin made its way to his face before he giggled, “It’s about me.” He pulled you into a hug from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder. He turned back to the tv to see you all dressed as mermaids while you sang your part in the chorus.

“Wait what—you’re mermaids?” The look of confusion appeared on his face again as he tried to figure out the video. He looked at you then back to the screen, repeating the action a few times.

“I never thought I’d say this, but if you were a mermaid, I’d still fuck you.” He confessed with a shrug. You bursted out laughing at his confession, “How do you even fuck a mermaid, Tom?”

His hands gripped your sides, voice going down an octave, “You tell me, (y/n). Get the mermaid tail back and we’ll find out.” You looked at him shocked, “Thomas!”

He laughed dropping the act and went back to watching the music video. “Wait, I’m still cofused. I thought you guys were in space cause of the planets and stuff. Why are you guys also underwater? And mermaids?” You tilted your head trying to come up with an answer for him.

“Um—it’s a spa, on a another planet, which also has an ocean I’m guessing, and that’s why we’re also mermaids?” You explained, also questioning yourself.

“I like the concept, probably the most random video you guys have had, but it’s sick.” He approved of the video with an impressed look on his face. When the video ended, he immediately pressed replay. Though when your part came up this time he let out a “GOD DAMN” before his eyes scanned you up and down. When he finally felt like he’s processed the music video, he let it play in the background and paid attention to you.

He leaned down to kiss your lips sweetly, “Love, that was amazing. I’m proud of you.” He was quick to add on, “And thank you for writing a part of the song about me, I never thought someone would write a song about me, not even a part. But thank you, I love you so much.”

You giggled shoving your face into his neck as you both moved to cuddling. Suddenly you remembered something you and the boys promised to do.

“Tom! We were supposed to watch the video with the other boys! Remember we promised to not watch it without them?” You leaned back to look at Tom who was already shaking his head.

“Oh they’re not allowed to watch the video.” He muttered. Your brows furrow at him. Tom motions to the tv, the part where your bum was facing the camera on the screen.

“Because of that, I don’t need them seeing that, that’s mine.” One of his hands trail down the length of your back to grip your ass. He rolled over so he was on top of you, dipping his head into your neck, his lips ghosted fluttery kisses along your skin. You let out a content sigh, running your hands through his soft hair. When his lips reached your ear, he whispered, “But seriously though, you should think about investing in a mermaid tail.”

[flowerwrites06]

break my mind’s eye special — jjk

Plot: Jungkook thinks marriage is the only way to seal a deal.

Pairing(s): Druglord!Jungkook x Fashion Designer!OC (Name: Belle)

Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+

Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series

Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Special 

Word Count: 7k+

Genre: Mafia | Angst/Smut/Fluff

Tags & Warnings (for entire series): drug dealing, marriage through trickery, explicit smut, drug use, dubious consent, prostitution, miscarriage, lots of manipulation, impregnation through manipulation 

Walking through the dark halls of permanently stained apartment building, Jungkook finally stood in front of a familiar number written on the text. He rapped at the wooden door a few times hearing a couple of grunts and rummaging from the other side. He sighed. “It’s me, Hoseok, you don’t have to hide the weed.”

“ Oh! ”

A few locks clicked here and there before the door swung open to welcome a light air of smoke mixed with the stench alone that could make Jungkook high. Hoseok gave him a loose smile, holding onto his arm as a wide grin spread across his lips. “You finally made it!”

Jungkook hummed trying not to grimace too much at the smell as the older male closed the door behind them.

“Come on, tell me…” Hoseok patted his back, prancing towards the couch where the coffee table was exuding smoke.

The apartment was miniscule with one bedroom door open on the left and a tiny kitchen on the right with a window next to the fridge. Another one near the dining table. Walls were a gross green tint and the floors a dull brown with black velvet couches that were ripped a little at the edges. But Jungkook could not complain.

“Tell you what?” The younger male dropped his bag on the floor and sat on the couch next to him, burying his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

Hoseok picked his joint back up and hovered it near his lips. “What was prison like?” He sucked in his cheeks causing the ambers to light up at the end before he blew the thick smoke away from Jungkook.

“Like living with a bunch of criminals. What else?”

“So just like old times then.” Hoseok smirked.

Jungkook glanced at the male for a moment before scoffing out a chuckle. “Yeah…pretty much.” Except there was one difference. Every time he pranced with criminals like himself in the past, he was a leader. In prison, he was young, fresh meat. Before he would also come back home to a warm embrace in bed instead of a steel bed alone with a stinky roommate.

“Well it’s all over now.” He blew out another puff of smoke, shifting to rest his head back against the couch. “You can start doing something else with your life. Something different. Not a lot of people like us get that chance.”

For the first time, he noticed a slight sadness in Hoseok’s tone despite being pumped with artificial endorphins.

His eyes flickered down to the coffee table, noticing the burger wrappers and scattered newspapers. One of them immediately caught his eye. Jungkook sat up again, pulling one of them out of the pile, the right corner of his lips twitched seeing the familiar face.

‘ FAMED DESIGNER KIM BELLE RULES TOKYO FASHION WEEK ’

A side by side picture of a model wearing violet and gold ensemble which almost resembled the traditional kimono with a modern, royal twist. The picture on the right showed her. Belle wearing a simple black dress with her gorgeous waves out and a gracious smile spread across her lips.

‘ Twenty seven year old fashion designer Kim Belle takes all the popularity and buzz with her winter designs for Tokyo Fashion Week. Showing her long love for traditional Japanese fashion culture along with an inspiring movement for domestic violence and trafficking victims by showcasing broken chains and kimono style gowns. An elegant mix of grace and fight for personal freedom. Truly an impressive successor to the legend that was Madame Saito and we are definitely going to keep an eye out for more of her daring projects. ’

“She made a big damn name of herself.” Hoseok broke through the thick coat of silence Jungkook had around him.

“She deserves it.” More than I ever did.

The older male searched his expression for a moment, scoffing a little. “Dude, I have to ask.”

Jungkook met his gaze as he leaned back onto the couch again with the newspaper still in his hands. “What?”

“Why her?”

His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you—literally could’ve had anyone in the entire country to pose as your fake wife or whatever. But you chose a fashion designer who barely knew anything about you to begin with…” Hoseok shook his head with a light wince. “What was your angle?” Some part of him did not want to believe Jungkook simply blackmailed someone for his own amusement because he knew the man was better than that.

Jungkook wished he had a decent reason to blurt out to him. Maybe he was just inherently evil and wanted to hurt Belle for his own pleasure. Maybe he wanted to fuck her one time just for kicks before dragging her out a little further until it was too much. Maybe he was just sick in the head, wanting to claim a girl who could not say a word against him because her and her brother’s life were wrapped around his finger. Except none of them felt like the truth. “I honestly thought she’d say no.”

“Oh fuck off—”

“Seriously I…” He shrugged a little. “I really thought she was going to punch me and storm out of there with her brother.”

“But the guards wouldn’t let her. I mean—no offense, buddy but you would’ve probably killed her. Knowing you from back then.” Hoseok scrunched his nose lightly.

“She did something ten times more dangerous though.” Jungkook couldn’t resist the jolt of pride bursting in him. “I destroyed her—so she waited until she destroyed me.”

Hoseok chortled a little, voice incredibly raspy. “I wouldn’t call going to jail for your crimes destroying you but sure…”

Jungkook shared a small laugh, nodding as he looked at her picture again. He could almost still feel her soft skin underneath his palm. How her hair smelled when he would hug her from behind as they slept, the way it soothed him to a calmer sleep.

“It’s a thing of the past though…” He tilted his head as his expression turned a little more serious. “…right? No more pulling her into shit she doesn’t deserve?”

“Yeah—yeah, of course.”

“Good…cause Belle’s the star of the city now. One wrong move towards her, you’re back in jail or worse.” Hoseok raised his brow a little making sure there was not a hint of determination on that young face of doing anything stupid. “You don’t have guards or power by your side and Taehyung isn’t addicted anymore. Has a wife and kid…he’s got the dad anger. So he will beat the living shit out of you if you give him the motivation.”

“I know, Hobi.” Jungkook chuckled, patting his thigh gently. “I don’t want her to go through it again either.”

Hoseok hummed a little taking another waft from his joint as he looked out the window, the sky tinted purple. “Alright. I’m gonna go and eat my girlfriend out.” He patted his shoulder, walking up to his bedroom.

“You had to look at the time for that?” Jungkook winced despite the grin on his face.

“Brother, when you’re together for this long, things need schedules.” He walked out of the bedroom with a black duffel bag putting out the joint onto the ashtray. “Food’s in the fridge and there’s Netflix open on the laptop.”

Jungkook waved him off before the door clicked close leaving him in his thoughts. For some reason, all he could do was look back at the newspaper and try to salvage that warm feeling again. The feeling of a true home that could never be.

-

Purple faded into a deep blue across the skies as Jungkook paced around the apartment in his bare torso, scattered with more imperfect tattoos. One cellmate liked doing tattoos because it calmed him down so the younger male did not hesitate much to let him use his skin. He was a nice man who had been thrown in jail for being a drug mule all his life and Jungkook could not help but have a nauseating guilt in his stomach.

Drug mules were essentially trafficked human slaves from Jungkooks’ experience. Their owners use their lives and bodies to transport goods without being detected and usually they start off terrifyingly young or desperate or both. All this service was done for almost little to no money. They were more abused victims than criminals but the legal system were not good at telling the difference sometimes.

Jungkook allowed his body to be used as if giving himself some kind of cathartic relief allowing the broken soul to control something else for a while instead of being controlled. Thus his skin now littered with designs of devil horns, tiger flowers and his own personal request was a tiny print font ‘B’ on his collarbone. No one could truly see it up close but he wanted to feel it there.

Chugging a generous sip from his beer bottle, he quietly observed the night sky glimmering with stars while the city shone in neon. The one thing his mansion lacked was the clear view of how alive everything looked at night.

A knock sounded on the door causing his head to shoot to the side.

Hoseok should not have been home at this hour. Even if he was, the man would not knock in his own apartment.

Jungkook opened the kitchen drawer and brandished a knife before making his way over to the door. Another knock sounded again. It was a gentle knock. Almost shy. But he knew better than soften up so easily. Carefully, he peeked through the peephole trying not to make too much of a sound even though the wooden floors creaked far too much.

His heart jumped right up to his throat seeing the familiar face on the other side. Jungkook almost dropped the knife on the floor trying to focus as best as he could. Was he drunk already? Was he dreaming? Gulping down, he placed the knife on the side table along with the beer bottle and opened the door.

When the view became clear to him, Jungkook let out a sharp breath. “Belle.”

Her hair was shorter up to her shoulders compared to the length in the newspaper picture except she still always kept her natural waves. Eyes a little glazed while her flushed lips spread into a weak smile before pressing them together again. “I-I don’t–I don’t know why I’m here.” Belle’s furrowed her brows a little.

“It’s okay.” He whispered. “Come in.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.” Jungkook smiled even though a small tinge of sadness shone in his eyes.

He opened the door further for her to enter before closing it behind him. Eyes flickered down to her grey sweatpants and frilly white socks paired with a thick sweater like she just woke up from a nap.

Belle kept her back to him for a few minutes, pretending to observe the apartment even though she was really just trying to figure out why she was here. Questions muddled her mind over and over again. Any valid or logical answer. There was nothing. No reason to be standing here when she tried so hard to walk away from him. She did everything to get away. Now she walked right back without any coercion.

Jungkook tilted his head attempting to meet her gaze but decided not to force it too much. “You cut your hair.” A smile twitched on his lips. “It looks nice.”

She absentmindedly touched her waves, breathing out a small chuckle. “Thank you.”

“Uh—how did you know I was here?”

“Namjoon helped me track you down.” Belle mumbled, guilt pooling in the pit of her belly going behind Yoongi’s back like this. She still remembered what Namjoon said when he gave her the address.

‘I’m only giving you this because I know you’re tough as nails…no matter what people say to you…but the second anything goes wrong, you call me.’ Namjoon had become a close friend in the last few years. He had been escorting her back and forth from home to work.

Yoongi had been disallowed to see her after being undercover so he could get a proper therapy before doing field work again. So Namjoon seemed the next obvious choice to take care of her.

Finally Belle turned around to face him, eyes raking down his torso and seeing new designs etched on his skin. Not as precise as the phoenix but still beautiful. “The tattoos look good.”

Jungkook glanced down at his torso with a soft grin. “A friend did them for me.” He met her gaze again even though she quickly averted it, plunging silence back into the room as they waited for it to be filled. “Belle…why are you here?”

Her body deflated as the question lingered in the air, lump growing in her throat while her knees kept trembling. “I—” Belle closed her eyes. “I mis—I missed you.” She smiled sadly before trailing her glossy gaze away again. “It sounds stupid when I say after so long.” Her voice kept getting constricted from the lump, tears filling at the brim of her eyes. “But I still think about you…I still kept that—stupid letter after all these years.”

A familiar warmth seeped through his veins knowing she missed him but it still mixed with dread and guilt. Jungkook scarred her memories forever with his presence and she was so confused on what it meant. He could see the way she shifted and looked away as if trying to push reality away but face it all the same. “I hurt you a lot. I’m so sorry—if I—if I could do it all over again, I’d do it better.”

“How could it have been better?” Belle shook her head. “We met when my brother owed you a debt.”

Jungkook raised his shoulders. “Maybe we’d have met at your boutique.” He attempted to smile a little at the thought of just walking into that boutique and falling in love the normal way. The happy way. “I’d have flirted with you a lot and you’d roll your eyes at me. We’d travel together to Paris or Tokyo, explore the things we love and eat ice-cream until our stomachs ached.” A tiny chuckle passed through his lips.

Belle had to suck in her trembling bottom lip as tears began escaping down her cheeks. “And?”

“We’d get married…properly. Away from my family, we’d relax somewhere at a beach.” The visions in his mind played without any effort causing his eyes to flood knowing it was all an impossible dream now. “We’d have children…we’d love them so much, Belle—”

She couldn’t hold in the sobs that shook through her body. At the very mention of children, Belle felt a tingle under the skin of her belly, memories of the aches still lingering. “Why didn’t you just take the money?”

“What?” He whispered.

“Why didn’t you just take the money? And don’t tell me it was because of business or keeping up appearances. Why? Why me?”

The ever burning question. Even the interrogators asked them the question. What was the motive to taking in Miss Kim? A lot of people owed you debts. Jungkook only answered with a vague, menial answer that had no real connection to his deeds as a boss.

“It was—it was just an impulse…”

Belle’s expression hardened even though her eyes still looked so vulnerable and broken. “An impulse?” Her voice was small and meek. “That’s it?”

“I didn’t think you’d—say yes.”

Saying it to Hoseok was easy. Saying it to Belle felt evil. Jungkook noticed the darkness clouding over her beautiful features, a mixture of heartbreak and pure rage.

“You put my brother’s life on the line and you thought I wasn’t going to say yes?” Belle winced, tone rising back to its original power. A harsh slap of reality learning that one of the most traumatizing experiences of her life happened because one man had an impulse decision to use his power over her.

“Belle, it was years ago—”

“So why am I still getting nightmares about it?!” She shrieked leaving a tense silence to plunge into the room while her voice still echoed through the walls a little. “W-why h-haven’t I stopped seeing t-that mansion every time I close my eyes? Wh-why do I wake u-up scared that I’m still in that room w-while they watch—” Belle let out a loud, trembling breath closing her eyes. Tears rolled down her cheeks, dripping to her chest from her jawline as she hugged herself tightly.

Jungkook stammered, swallowing down the painful lump in his throat as he attempted to keep his composure. “You didn’t have to come and see me.” He whispered.

“I wanted you to see me.” Belle sniffled shakily. “Staying away from you doesn’t help because you could always push it out. I can’t—I can’t push it out because it’s inside me.”

“You think all this has been easy for me? That I just pushed it out?” Jungkook shook his head with a pained expression as their gazes met again. “Yeah our first meeting was an impulse but that didn’t mean it was always like that. I stopped a lot of contact with my family when you told me you were pregnant. That letter was meant to be the last thing I said to my parents before we left.”

Belle wanted to argue that he just started getting sympathetic after her pregnancy but she would be a hypocrite. Even she felt softened knowing a child was growing inside her. “You wanted to kill the mayor too, Jungkook, how long would that have taken?”

“Overnight if it meant I’d be escaping somewhere with you.” Jungkook spoke without hesitation, still remembering all the plans he had in place for their move.

“But I would’ve lost the baby anyway.” She smiled sadly. “It was natural causes.”

The male took a few careful steps forward, trying not to intimidate her but hopefully close a little more distance between them. “I didn’t just do it for the baby, Belle.” Jungkook sighed. “I did it cause I love you…but I knew we couldn’t be happy if we were at that mansion and I was still running the cartel.”

Belle sniffled. “I wish you didn’t love me.” Her chin trembled, her body tired of brewing more sobs as tears filled her eyes again. “I wish I didn’t love you. Maybe all this would be easier.”

“When has it ever been easy between us?”

“That’s the problem.” She pressed her lips together. “Love shouldn’t be this difficult. Maybe sometimes but—every single day wondering whether what you’re feeling is real…or worrying that something terrible is going to happen if I stay with you for too long.” Features contorted in pain as she stumbled on her feet a little.

Jungkook’s inhibitions banished immediately seeing her trip slightly, rushing to her side and gently holding onto her arm. Before he could say anything, he felt Belle rest her head on his chest. A burst of butterflies soared across his belly having that familiar smell touch his nostrils and the warmth of her body radiating onto his cold bare skin.

They didn’t say a single word as Jungkook properly wrapped his arms around her body, fingers brushing through her soft hair. Her sobs were quiet but her body still trembled and his embraced tightened a little. As if praying that all of her pain could be transferred to him so she did not have to suffer through it all.

Belle should have pulled away the moment he touched her but the warmth was too much. Her body felt heavy against his, melting onto his skin almost like they could join as one. Maybe that could repair some of the damage. Breathing became steady as she allowed herself to relax. A protective part of her still tried ensure she was not too vulnerable but another part said it was too late.

In this particular weakened moment, she was his and he was hers.

-

15 unread messages.

Namjoon: How did it go? Are you good?

Namjoon: Taehyung said you didn’t come home last night.

Namjoon: Belle?

Namjoon: I don’t want to have to track you down.

Namjoon: Please tell me if you’re okay.

Namjoon: Yoongi and Taehyung found out, I’m sorry.

Belle: I’m okay.

Namjoon: Jesus, don’t scare me like that.

Namjoon: Where are you?

Belle: I’m still at Jungkooks’ place.

Namjoon: Okay. Is everything alright?

Belle: I don’t know.

Namjoon: What do you mean? Did he hurt you?

Belle: No.

Namjoon: Just tell me what happened.

Namjoon: Look I’m not Yoongi or Taehyung. I won’t get mad, alright? You can tell me.

Belle: I slept with him.

Namjoon: Okay that’s fine.

Belle: No it’s not.

Namjoon: Did he hurt you or force you or anything?

Belle: No, no it was consensual.

Namjoon: Then I don’t see an issue.

Belle: How?

Namjoon: Considering he’s a former drug lord, I expected far worse things done to you then you two just consensually having sex.

Belle: Are they really angry?

Namjoon: I’ll handle Yoongi and Angel’s handling Taehyung. They’re grown men, they’ll get over it.

Namjoon: Just come back up again.

Belle: Okay. Thank you, Joon.

Namjoon: Anytime.

Belle let out a sigh, chest falling a little as she hugged her phone for a moment before placing it on the nightstand. Eyes scanned the ceiling, a few brownish stains here and there but nothing far too putrid. Her old apartment usually had those stains after a storm. She felt Jungkook shift a little, his arm still resting over her body while his face buried into her neck. It was so easy allowing the warmth to coat their little bubble.

Except it was not a bubble of theatrics. She was not pretending to be Mrs. Jeon anymore. She was a fashion designer with her boutique and Jungkook was a regular man trying to get by in the city. They were two normal people with no real threat to be together but they were here.

The ache between her legs still pulsed a little when she remembered the night before.

The very minute she resorted to hugging him, Belle knew it was going to be difficult to turn back from it. Deep recesses of her mind surfacing up to whisper in her ear that it would be okay just this once.

To feel him again.

To have his head between her legs at this moment, kissing and nibbling on all her sensitive nub while his fingers pads dug into her thighs. Jungkook took his time. Licking a stripe tantalizingly slow, tasting her juices until it was the only remnant on his tongue. He let out a breath through his nose as his lips wrapped fully around her clit, suckling passionately until her thighs closed up around his head only making him moan.

Belle whined against the vibrations on her aching, sensitive skin as her fingers found themselves knotting in his hair. Chest rising and falling she faced the ceiling. Lower belly burned and tightened as Jungkooks’ movement did not falter, shaking his head a little to jolt more of that head-spinning heat.

…

Bed creaked as Belle straddled him, bouncing at a steady pace while her hands rested on his torso. Moonlight painted her sweat glistening skin through the window. As if the whole city could see her relishing in her own guilty pleasure. Except the guilt was nowhere to be found.

His hand trailed up her abdomen to cup her breasts gently, digging a little into her tender skin to earn a small whimper from the woman. Then he moved up to her neck. Jungkook cupped the side, thumb tracing her bottom lip while the other hand gripped at her shaking hips.

Belle suckled on his digit muffling her moans all the while clenching tightly around his member until it sent shivering tingles up her spine. She hummed in satisfaction as Jungkook groaned at the pressure.

“You feel so good.” He pushed in his thumb a little further watching her slightly drenched curls fall over her face. A smile curled up at the corner of his lips hearing the sinfully loud squelch sounds their thrusts emitted. “So fucking beautiful.” Jungkook whispered. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, wanting to take every second of how she tried to suck on his skin harder every time she dropped down roughly.

“I’m close.” Belle’s words were a little muddled against his thumb. Her thrusts grew desperate and relentless, pussy squelching violently as their incessant moans swirled in the sex scented air.

Bursts of searing heat and unbridled pleasure shook through their limbs, pulsing through her veins as Belle’s movements became sloppy. Jungkook had his head pressed deep against the pillow as his muscles tensed feeling her walls clench around him before he pulled himself out, release spewing out onto his belly. Belle cheekily reached down to touch his reddened member, giggling lightly when he jerked against it.

Jungkook followed with a breathless chuckle of his own as she rested back on his chest, uncaring of how messy they were.

It was the first time they laughed after sex.

Granted it was not much but last night gave her a dreamless sleep. A welcomed type of sleep. They cried, hugged, moaned and laughed. So many sensations all at once was bound to make anyone have such a deep sleep that they do not want to wake up the next day. A wonderful feeling. It would be temporary before her other dreams settle in again but Belle was not going to let them get to her this morning. She wanted to relish in this new, momentary peace.

Jungkook began stirring more, light hum under his breath until he finally opened his eyes to a calming sight. Tired vision still a little blurred but he could always make out her face. “Sleep well?” His voice grumbled despite the smile creeping on his lips.

Belle turned to meet his gaze, mimicking his gentle smile. “Really well.” The curl slowly disappeared from her lips as reality seeped through their comfort. “We can’t see each other anymore. You know that, right?”

He nodded although solemnly. “I know.” Whatever red string they forced themselves to tie around their pinky finger had to separate one day. Even when reluctance settled in. “Like you said, love shouldn’t be as difficult as ours was.” Jungkook shifted so he lay down his back, one arm curled so he could rest his head on top of it.

“I don’t have to leave now though.”

“What, you want more?” Jungkook licked the inside of his cheek as a smirk formed, one of his hands reaching out to gently touch her lower belly.

Belle pushed his hand away with a chuckle. “No…I meant something else.” She pulled the sheets up to cover herself a little, goosebumps forming on her skin when the room brushed a little cold. “Ice-cream. We could get ice-cream.”

A jolt of nostalgia burst through him as he remembered the last time that request was passed between them. Despite expecting a child back then, Jungkook preferred this more knowing Belle was sitting here by her own volition. That was what mattered most. “Yeah…we can get ice-cream.”

-

Tiny slab of pink and mint down the food line of the city. Belle somehow managed to make his black T-shirt and her sweatpants look strangely put together while he buried himself in his hoodie. They walked inside the cute parlor immediately greeted by a kind boy at the counter.

Making their orders, the couple took their ice-cream cups to a booth at the corner.

Thankfully the parlor was empty since no one bought ice-cream this early in the morning so it would be difficult for them to be spotted.

Journalists eventually grew bored of doing stories on Jungkook and Belle’s ‘tragic love story’ but she knew the moment, a single person saw them, it would be chaos.

“Did you have any trouble these few years?” Jungkook asked feeling a sense of joy in his mouth as the sweet taste touched his tongue.

Belle shrugged lightly. “Apparently there was a hired hitman for a while but he was quickly detained. Then a stalker which lasted for a few months.”

“What did he want?”

“Namjoon found out he was a spy for a gang called Pogpungu Pa.”

“Fucking tongue twister.” Jungkook scoffed. “They wanted a large percentage of my cocaine supplies in exchange for prostitutes.” He waved his spoon. “Told him I didn’t work in that line of business so the Don got pissed.”

“Well he’s also detained. Namjoon’s been very quick in dealing with them. Probably happy to be out on the field again with Yoongi still at his desk.” Belle suckled the remnants of brownie bits from her spoon.

“Why is he at his desk?” His brows furrowed.

“Standard procedure, I guess. Every detective is meant to have a few months of therapy and leave from field work. But I’m pretty sure it’s a new thing that the mayor advised.”

“They’ve been doing a lot of things.”

“A lot of good things.” Belle corrected, narrowing her gaze even though her expression was not completely serious.

Jungkook smiled lightly picking up another small scoop of his ice-cream. “You’ve been doing a lot of good things. The Tokyo fashion week.”

Her eyes almost immediately lit up when the topic was mentioned and Jungkook couldn’t help but feel accomplished that he initiated it. “You knew about that?”

“Saw it in the newspaper. It looked good.”

Belle grinned from ear to ear, eyes shining in the bright lights of the parlor. “Angel helped me with the movement. She wanted to create a shelter for domestic violence victims like her. So I offered to promote it in the fashion shows.”

“Oh yeah Hoseok told me…Taehyung and Angel, they have a kid, right?”

“Yeah…” She giggled lightly. “A little baby daughter.”

“That’s good.” Jungkook nodded with a wide smile. “He’s all okay now?”

“Clean and sober for four years. He—relapsed another time but when they got married and then started trying for children, he never went back again.” Belle murmured still remembering the happiest look on Taehyung’s teary eyed face when he first held his baby. That was all she ever wanted for her brother. True happiness. “I kind have you to thank for that.”

He hummed in disapproval. “Don’t, please—the way I did it was wrong.”

“Yes but everything happens for a reason. I think if that didn’t happen…he might not be here at all.” Belle shook his head. “He also did technically meet Angel in the Sangria House. The only reason we even had her booked was because I met Seokjin at the party with you.”

Strange how time fools you in that way. It makes you feel regretful of the bad things that happened in the past except you could not possibly take them back because it would mean diminishing the good things along with it. Delicate and strange thing time was.

“I would’ve never been free from that place if you didn’t go behind my back.” Jungkook smiled down at the cup. “I’ll always be grateful for that.”

“Speaking of which…how is it like being a normal joe in the city?” Belle asked with a cheeky glint in her eye as she tapped her fingers against the ice-cream cup.

“Apparently you have to pay for grocery bags now.” He waved his spoon around.

“Yes for recycling and it’s been happening for a very long time.” She smiled.

His bottom lip jutted out in a little pout. “Not from what I remember.”

“Since when have you ever shopped for groceries?”

Jungkook scrunched his nose a little poking into the mint chocolate ice cream to pick out the chips. “Since yesterday.” He mumbled. “But I’m happy…” He nodded letting his words linger in their comfortable silence. “Or at least now I can do things that make me happy.”

“You could travel to Tokyo and Paris, eat ice-cream until your stomach aches…” Belle grinned. “You can get married to someone you love dearly and have lots of children. No more deals though.” She raised her index fingers as a warning.

Jungkook laughed. “No more deals, I promise.” He mixed around his melting ice-cream for a bit enjoying the little swirl. “What about you? What’re you going to do?”

“My therapist said I should take some time off from the boutique when I get the chance.” Belle quoted her therapist mostly but she never really thought about the prospect on her own until she discussed it with Yoongi. “Yoongi suggested we could go to Norway to disconnect for a little while.”

“Yoongi…wait, are you two—”

“No, silly. As friends.”

“Ah.”

“You think if I had a boyfriend like Yoongi, I’d sleep with you again?” Belle scoffed even though a smile tugged at her lips.

“Hey I’m pretty tempting.”

“Not that tempting.”

Jungkook scrunched his nose at her before chuckling as he practically slurped on his ice-cream at this point.

The couple sat in silence for a few moments finishing their breakfast desserts, unable to keep smiles off their faces.

“We go our separate ways now, yeah?” He spoke the truth this time. The satisfaction in his belly along with the warmth in his heart softly stating to him that it was time.

Belle smiled, a slight twinge in her chest but nothing compared to the relief brewing inside. A whisper in her ear telling her it was okay. It was okay to move on. “Yeah. No more looking back.”

Throwing their empty ice-cream cups away, the pair walked out of the parlor towards Belle’s car. Jungkook’s apartment was a few minutes’ walk away. She wanted to drive because it made it that little bit easier to go back home immediately. At this point, they both deserved one thing to be easy.

Belle gave him one final smile before climbing into the car and driving away.

Jungkook didn’t wait a second as he turned on his heel and walked back to his apartment.

This was the true final time they saw each other. They would not turn back. There was no need to anymore.

-

As soon as Jungkook walked into the room, it smelled a whole lot more different than it did the first time. The only smoke emitting was from the pan exuding a warm, delicious scent. Morning sun beaming through the windows making it look a tad bit brighter and the floors almost shone clean now.

“There you are!” Hoseok announced with a grin. “Did you go out for a jog?”

“Yeah…a little bit.” He answered absentmindedly.

A figure with short, black hair stood at the kitchen counter setting some bacon and eggs up on the plate. She looked up and immediately give him a similar bright smile as Hoseok.

“Ah—this is Rosyne.” Hoseok touched the womans’ shoulder. “Rosyne, Jungkook.” He gestured over to the younger male.

The two exchanged greetings before Hoseok invited him over to the kitchen counter to have breakfast. He wanted to tell them that his stomach was a little full from the ice-cream. But it felt so peaceful when he saw the giggles shared between them while eating, random conversations that no one really cared about but it made them smile.

Jungkook stayed still for a moment watching them so easily be vulnerable and happy around each other. “Hey, you guys want to go to Paris?” He sat down on one of the stools.

Rosyne’s eyes widened a little as the request lingered in the air while Hoseok looked amused but taken aback at the same time.

“Why the sudden interest?” Hoseok chuckled, sticking his fork into some scrambled eggs.

He shrugged. “Might be cool to disconnect for a little while.”

“Prison wasn’t disconnecting enough?”

Jungkook nudged his arm with a light scoff. “You know what I mean. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’ve—always wanted to see the Louvre in real life.” Rosyne raised her shoulders, giving Hoseok an adorable smile.

“Don’t spoil him, Ros.” Hoseok glanced at the both of them for a few moments before letting out a defeated sigh. “We’ll think about it.”

Jungkook did not argue any further after that and began taking careful bites of the breakfast even though it might give him a stomach ache later. The thought of something actually exciting happening this year or the next year made him happy enough to keep going on this new life.

-

Carefully padding into the apartment, Belle’s footsteps were soft and barely echoed across the walls but there was no use in being discreet. Especially since Yoongi, Taehyung, Namjoon and Angel were all in the sitting room. Bloom sat on the floor completely focused on banging her little drums that Namjoon gifted her on her first birthday.

Once Angel looked her way, everyone else followed suit. Yoongi was the first one to shoot up to his feet and stomp towards the woman.

“What took you so long?” Yoongis’ words sounded more like pleading than anger. “Are you hurt?” Eyes frantically examined her body until his gaze darkened as he stopped at her neck.

Belle hovered her hand over the patch of skin that definitely had a few purpling marks scattered but she kept a calm expression. “Everything’s fine, okay? Nothing happened.”

“No something happened.”

“Yoongi, fuck off.” Namjoon grabbed his shoulder and led him to the side. “Good to have you back in one piece, B.”

As the two men sat near the paneled windows muttering a few things to each other, Belle caught another figure coming towards her from the corner of her eye. She took a deep breath keeping her gaze on her brother.

Taehyung looked so much taller now. Loose emerald shirt with golden vectors as opposed to the old black hoodies, his eyes were a little darkened from exhaustion but this time it was to take care of his baby rather than an accidental bender. The serious expression on his face added more to the fact that Belle had her older brother back. He was sturdy in his appearance and confident in his stance. The look of a man who had gone through a tunnel of hell and found happiness at the end of the trail.

“How’d it go?” He asked.

“Pretty civil…” Belle nodded, playing with her fingers a little. “…considering the circumstances.”

Taehyung hummed in approval. “That’s good. And that?” He waved his index finger across his own bare neck while looking at hers. “Good or bad?”

“Good.” She smiled faintly. “Really good.”

He grimaced a little. “Gross.”

“Shut up.”

Taehyung could not seem to keep his serious expression as a light chuckle broke out of him, shifting on his spot to loosen up. “But—no more, right? We’re gonna try to get back up again? Start over?” He would be the last person to ever judge Belle for her impulses. What he did know is that the impulses were not meant to be a constant.

Belle did not hesitate to nod. “I uh—I wanted to go to Norway. With Yoongi…” She glanced over to the side seeing Yoongi give her a more apologetic look which the woman smiled in response. “And maybe you guys too? Get away from the city for a while.” She shrugged. “Might even give me inspiration on the new line.”

He thought on the idea for a moment but quickly had a wide grin on his lips. “Angel’s been talking about going on a holiday. We could talk about it over breakfast.”

“Let me just go freshen up.” Belle patted him on the shoulder before making her up the top level of the apartment to her bedroom.

Being the owner of a prestigious boutique came with its perks when she managed to get a big enough apartment for three people including safety for children. It was in the highly populated areas of the city which is meant to be the best area for the position they were in. With Angel’s first husband and Belle’s connection to the Jeon Cartel, the more witnesses around them, the better.

Walking into her bedroom, Belle had one thing in mind before going to shower as she opened her walk-in closet. On the top shelves a box had been hidden under some folded sheets. She reached out and pulled it towards her feeling the light trickle of dust flow through the air making her sneeze.

Sniffling a little she brought the brown box and sat down on the bed with it. Belle paused for a moment, a very light tinge of dread brushing through her but there was a strength that seemed to power through it. Taking a deep breath she clicked open the box. Two tiny yellow shoes on the right hand side causing her to let out a shaky sigh, smiling a little as a few tears filled her eyes.

Belle held the shoes gently, hugging them to her chest before placing them on her lap. Then her eyes moved from the bracelet to the piece of folded paper. The warmth in her belly soared again taking the letter, unfolding to reveal the heavy promise scratched across the surface. The promise that kept her up at night for this many years. How much words could impact a mind was both fascinating and terrifying.

No more though. It was time. Something her therapist said to her in one session Belle would never forget.

It’s never about one solid destination of healing. You will never know exactly when you were healed. All you can know is when you decide to start or keep healing. That is what’s important. After that, everything will flow by you…in the future, it will all seem like a dream. But you’ll feel so proud of yourself when you look back, Belle. Even more proud than I am of you now. You’ve done so well and I hope you’ll keep healing.

Belle placed her fingers at the top of the letter and ripped it half, letting out a deep of relief as she put them together, ripping it again. Smaller and smaller the pieces became breaking off like petals from the already withering flowers in her heart. A smile widened on her lips as she let out something in the mixture of a chuckle and a sob, tears freely leaving her eyes. Teeny tiny pieces piled on the bed. Helping to remind her that they were just words after all.

With steady hands she gathered them together and threw it into the bin under her nightstand.

Then Belle took the yellow shoes and walked to the living room.

The group were already settling around the kitchen counter when she arrived. Angel had Bloom in a high chair feeding her some custard looking mush which she seemed to enjoy though slightly confused by the taste.

Belle walked over to where the child was and gently placed the yellow shoes on her socked feet. She could not help but grin seeing how it fit perfectly. Everything happens for a reason.

“Those are beautiful.” Angel gently touched the soft fabric. “Did you make them?”

“I got them from the market years ago.” She softly brushed through Blooms’ thin dark hair as the child tried to peek at what her aunt put on her feet.

“We were just talking about the trip to Norway.” Taehyung spoke up leaning against the counter next to Angel.

“Yeah, why was I not invited?” Namjoon pouted a little.

Belle stammered, chuckling lightly. “It was Yoongi’s suggestion…we can all go together. I thought you wanted to do field work for the rest of the year.”

“Still would’ve liked to be included.”

Bloom squeaked in response to Namjoon’s mumble, bouncing up and down her seat.

“Might need a babysitter if Taehyung wants to get laid.” Yoongi mused.

“Ah, language.” Angel covered Blooms’ ears but the baby only grinned wide looking at Yoongi.

“She’s not going to know what it means.”

“Listen, we’ll go together.” Belle silenced the group for a moment. “Namjoon forgets to take breaks from work anyway so it’d be a good way to force him out somewhere relaxing.”

“Norway does have a low crime rate.” Taehyung spoke.

“So it’s settled. We’re going to Norway and forget about our problems for a month.” Angel announced glancing at each one of them for a nod of approval.

Belle grinned seeing the group dive into their conversations about what to do in Norway and what hotels to book or the sights to see. No worries of any impending problem or event that could ruin everything. It was just peace in the loudest way possible. All you can know is when you decide to start or keep healing. That is what’s important.

She broke for her family once.

Now she was going to keep healing for it too.

<< PREV CHAP 

[lovingkaede]

I enjoyed sally's mask ask with sdr2 cast can i have same but with ndrv3 cast?

Here you go, anon! I hope you enjoy this — you also requested this with THH cast so I’ll be writing that today, too! :D -Mod Kaede

Shuichi Saihara

He is aware of your boundaries so he won’t pressure you about it but he is really curious of your face!

The first time he met you he thought you were wearing it because you lacked confidence but when he found out the real reason he felt sorry for you

If you were to take your mask off in front of him, he wouldn’t look away though he’d be shocked but also happy that you trust him enough—he gets really emotional🥺and sweet🥺

He doesn’t really mind your appearance. He fell in love with you because of your personality and he still thinks you’re the (most beautiful/handsome) prettiest person in the world!!

Kaito Momota

He’s so noisy about it LMAO

Constantly begs you to take it off and he acts like literally a child—i ain’t joking😌😌

Though he knows his limits and will stop insisting once he senses it annoys you-

If you trust him enough to take your mask off in front of him, he’ll be more than excited

Once you take it off he’ll give you A HUG because he wants you to know he APPRECIATES it

If anyone dares to hurt you or judge you he’ll back 🤺 them 🤺 off 🤺 grrr

Not on his watch😌

Ryoma Hoshi

He’s a member of “Appearance? More like Personality ✨✨” Squad

Seriously though, he isn’t even gonna ask you to take it off. If you felt confident enough about it, you would and he knows that

Doesn’t pressure you not even a bit🥺

If you were to say something like “You won’t probably like it,” he’ll disagree as soon as you say that. He’s like: Not in my house.

He wouldn’t be against the idea of you taking off your mask when you two are spending time alone.

If you took your mask off in front of him, he wouldn’t think pity, he’d just feel sorry that you’ve had gone through something so harsh.

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta, being the gentleman he is, won’t let anyone or anything hurt you🥺

He’s probably the most understanding one bahahah

He’s the type that will caress your wounds and will tell you how amazing you are if you’re having struggles or looking down on yourself

Just stoooooop. Gonta thinks you’re amazing and you don’t deserve this!

Gonta won’t judge you if you were to take your mask off in front of him—he wouldn’t mind your appearance—he’s the type that will compliment about it!!

But he means it. You’re pretty/beautiful/handsome just the way you are!

Kokichi Ouma

Aaww, he’ll do anything to see what’s behind that mask of yours!

He’s asking you many questions and messing with you—simply does anything for you to take off your mask (didn’t pass the vibe check)

But I feel like he’d stop if you told him to- THANK GOD

He’d be reaaaally impressed by your appearance and if you were to look down on yourself—well, let’s say you’ll be receiving LOTS OF KISSES AND LOVE

“You look stunning and that’s no lie, S/O!”

He thinks you’re so charming, literally flawless. Tell them, Kokichi 😌

Still a perfect match, hehe

Korekiyo Shinguji

Same people different fonts

He’s already blinded by u!! If you were to take off your mask you’d just make him love you more bahahah 💀

Nothing really changes, he just admires you

He doesn’t mind if you decide to wear your mask, he’ll let you know he’s gonna accept you anyways,

He’s ready to tell you nice words and show his affection if you’re feeling insecure

“S/o, I can’t believe you were hiding this from me. You’re still breathtaking.” ajjejtjrkgfgk he’s cheesy like that<3 kthkyhhjj he’s just being sweet

Your appearance don’t really matter to him since he fell in love because of your personality and your beautiful nature🥺🥺

Rantaro Amami

He’s a chill guy but when it comes to you I can say he’s the sweetest one around <3

He’s so easygoing and will not hesitate to tell you how beautiful you are needed or not aejtkktg

He’s like your biggest supporter!!!

You taking off your mask around him means so much to him because it basically means you trust him enough to do that and he holds back his tears all the time:(

Fuck it. Not only that, you trusting him itself means the world to him😩💞💞

Rantaro, you guys have been together for a long time now lmao why’re you so surprised-

Let him have his happiness

K1-B0 (Kiibo)

He. 🥺

He kiNd oF wants you to know that you’re the prettiest human he has ever seen

And if you’re having a hard time accepting this absolute TRUTH, he’ll take that as an insult

He’s reaaally curious of your face but he doesn’t know how to bring it up and always stutters and embarasses himself so do a favor for him and tell him it’s okay

When you first took off your mask he,, screamed because he thought you dropped your mask and didn’t do that intentionally😤

He stared for a sec,, then looked away because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, pff:(

But if you assure him it wasn’t a mistake, he’ll tell you the sweetest words you’ll ever hear🥺

Kaede Akamatsu

I kin her sm omg

She thinks you’re a literal sunshine and you didn’t deserve this

Neverthless she LOVES you and will let you know that anytime or anywhere!

She’ll support you and will tell you nice things about you if you’re seeking support 🤧

Respects your boundaries but can’t help but wonder about your face, too

So when you took it off for the first time she was so hyped about it!!

She thinks you have an angel’s face, it’s such a shame you had to go through that

Insists on keeping your mask off when you two are alone, if you say yes she’ll gonna be so happy about it aah

Tenko Chabashira

She couldn’t help but imagine how you looked like behind that mask of yours

You had to scold her multiple times for daydreaming too much, ugh

She thinks you still look stunning! You’re her S/o, there’s no way you’d look otherwise!

And she means that.

The first time she saw you she stared you for way TOO MUCH and you had to ask if anything’s wrong ajtkgrerkhhk

And she just says it’s because you look so pretty without your mask rkykyyjhjj 💍🧎‍♀️

She’ll ask for you to take off your mask more often

So you keep it off just to see her reactions and she boosts your ego with her kind words

Just kiss already smh 🙄

Tsumugi Shirogane

Okay but she was fangirling over you?? Before even you took off your mask??

Yes, your personality was what mattered to her the most. She loved how sweet, how nice you are to her🥰

If you were to call yourself mean things, she’d immediately disagree! “But how could you, S/o?... I think you’re really pretty...! With or without mask.”

If you’re having insecurities she’ll be there for you—her easygoing nature and kind words really helps you!

The first time you took off your mask...? *Fangirl Tsumugi noises* She had a nosebleed lmao

“You’re so beautiful/handsome, S/O!!!”

Maki Harukawa

She won’t ask you to show your face unless you mention it

She acts cool

But inside, she’s begging you to take your mask off so she can see your blessing face😤

Won’t admit but she already knew you looked cute under it, pff

“S/o, why you still bother to wear it? You know, you don’t have to when it’s just me and you,”

Bahahahah she’s finding excuses just to see your face-

If looks could kill, she’d die from your beauty but will she ever tell you that? Nope.

Also will kill anyone that dares to attempt hurting your feelings, I mean how could they?

She feels sorry for you and understands you. As her S/o, you’re someone she can open up to and is actually grateful you can open up to her as well🥺

Angie Yonaga

You didn’t even have to take off your mask in the first place because she was already ready to accept you!!!

She thinks you’re already perfect

If you were to take off your mask she’d have a big smile on her face and would give you cute compliments about it just to express her happiness

“S/o, even Atua thinks you’re breathtaking!” Yeah, and by compliments I mean she conveys compliments told by Atua.

They’re her true thoughts

She thinks you’re so precious you even inspire her to do more art ✨✨ Whenever you are around she feels herself filled with passion

Since you make her feel at her best, she’ll do the same for you. Her favorite thing to do is planting kisses on your face.

Himiko Yumeno

At first she might look as if she isn’t really interested about your appearance

But that’s just her nature. She’s actually curious in her own unique way but doesn’t know how to bring that up

Even though compliments from her are rare, they always make you feel better about yourself because they’re coming from HER

But how she wants to see your face? She’ll probably say stuff like her magic can cure your face or something like that lmao

But when you actually take it off, she just forgot her words

“Your face doesn’t need my magic, S/o. It’s already perfect.”

You’re like: 💆‍♀️

But at the same time: 🥺

Kirumi Tojo

As the amazing person you are, your mood being as amazing as you are is one of her priorities

So if you’re feeling down, she’ll be there for you until you’re feeling better

Holding you, cuddling, telling you nice words etc.

You’re someone she can be relaxed around, so she wants you to feel the same

So she’ll politely ask you to take off your mask when she’s around you, which you’ll agree after thinking a little about it

She doesn’t judge you and she’s down to do anything to tell you she appreciates your existence

Which makes you feel a lot better about yourself

“S/O, please know that I’m here for you anytime. And know that you’re pretty.”

Miu Iruma

Hahahah this girl

This girl wanted to see you so much that she literally kneeled down and cried to you

Seeing her like this, you played along a bit more, it was fun seeing her cry like that

“Okay, okay, stop. But don’t freak out, okay...?”

She didn’t get what you exactly mean. Did you look bad??

When you took off your mask she was even more confused. Because there stood you that looked as much as pretty as her???

No! She can’t drool over you now!

“What?! You’ve been hiding this from me? What’s wrong with you, S/O? You’re so hot!”

And she boosts your ego like that even when you don’t need it

If nobody got you, Miu got you, amen

Aahhh this took so long aıekfgkrkfgkkhj REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!! And you can always dm me if you want!! :) -Mod Kaede

[doodler-jpeg]

Ring Pop Proposal [BadBoyHalo]

UM UH HI HELLO ARE THOSE CANDY RINGS CALLED RING POPS OR AM I BAD AT REMEMBERING BUT I WOULD LIKE SONEONE TO PROPOSE TO ME WITH THIS ONE DAY EVEN IF ITS JUST IN A PLATONIC WAY

THIS IS JUST A CRACKFIC I GUESS SO TAKE THE FUNNY.

VALENTINE’S DAY TRANSLATES TO THE DAY OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP IN SPANISH SO HAH TAKE THAT, LONELY BITCHES. I LOVE YOU ALL PLATONICALLY >:] MWAH HAVE A KITH 

THIS REALLY FELL OUT OF WACK AT THE END. IT WAS LITERALLY JJST TO DO SOMETHING FOR VALENTINES DAY. UH, YEAH. INKNOW ITS THE TWELFTH BUT IM TOO LAZY.

⚠️CUSSING, RAGE OUTBURST⚠️

Pronouns: they/them

You hummed as you finished building your base on the SMP. Placing the last block, you grinned and walked off of the roof, placing a bucket of water down to block you from damage.

“Okay, chat. I think that’s where the house building stream ends. We’re gonna look for some netherite in the next stream. So, uh, bye!” You quickly decided to raid Bad before you began roaming around the bloodvines that were scattered about the SMP. You leaned back in your chair as you looped your playlist and headed off to your mine to look for some gold.

As your music played in the background, you didn’t notice the creeper sneaking up behind you until it was too late. You jolted back in your chair in surprise as the death message popped up . You inhaled deeply, clenching your fist tightly before you respawned and hurriedly typed a small, polite paragraph to that creeper in the game chat.

<[Y/N]> DEAR CREEPER. FUCK YOU. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SNEAK UP ON ME IN MY MOMENT OF VULNERABIILITY AND FUCK ME RIGHT IN THE ASS. I DIDNT XONSENT NOR DID I APPROVE OF  SAIS INTERCOURSE, AS I AM MERELY NINETEEN, SO IF YOUD KINDLY GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A FIRE ASPECT THREE SWEEPING EDGE LOOTING TWO SWORD RHAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

<[Y/N]> MY FUCKING STUFF NONONONONONONONONONNONOONONONONONO WHERE DID I DIE DWHERHWWHEEWHEREHWERE OH MY FUCKING SHIIITITITITITITITITITI TITTTYIED, I WANT TO JMPN ON A CADILAC AND SLAM MY HEAD AGAINST A WINDOW WHAY DID THAT CREEPER HAVE TONCFUCK ME.

<[Y/N]> IM SO SORRY BAD, IM BERY MAD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAD A FEW THINGS I NEEDED ON ME. IM SORRYL ILL SJIPP YOUA RING POP AS A PROPOSAL.

<BadBoyHalo> O_o

<BadBoyHalo> But a ring pop does sound nice OWO

<[Y/N]> WHEN IM FINALLY TWBEYTY INWOULD LIKE TO MARRY YOU LEGALLY. MAYBE SKEPPY TOO BUT RIGHT NOW ITS JUST YOU. I WANT PLATONIC KITH KITH NOW >:[ <BadBoyHalo> as long as I get the ring pop :D

<[Y/N]> ANYTHING FOR YOU YOU BEAUTIGUL MUFFIN NOW I MUST GO BEFORE MY STUFF DESPAWNS. LOVE YOU

You laughed at the interaction. It was canon that your character had a crush on Bad’s to the point of turning to the egg for guidance. What made things bad, however, was that you had to keep that front on every stream or else, you know, you’d loose your clout.

You hurried down to your mine and found where your stuff had dropped, hurriedly picking it up and putting on your armour. Turning around, you were surprised to see Bad’s character and you let out a quiet shriek.

<BadBoyHalo> when are you gonna gimme the ring pop. Rat wants one.

<[Y/N]> I LIVE IN FUCKING WASHINGTON, I FONT KNOW HIW LONGN ITLL TAKE, BUT ILL DRIVE OVER JUST TO SE EYOU 

<[Y/N]> ILL GIVE TOU AS MANY RING POPS AS YOU WANT BB :]

<[Y/N]> this is all canon btw, I’m going to give you a ring pop as a marriage gift and you’ve already accepted. There’s no taking it back.

<BadBoyHalo> .-. But

<BadBoyHalo> youre nineteen.

<[Y/N]> IM IN MY TWENTIES IN THE LORE DONT WORRY. I MAY HAVE BEEN FORCED TO BE TUBBOS PARENT BUT ILL RISK EVERYTHING TO BE A HOT PILF

<[Y/N]> PILF = PARENT ID LIKE TO FUCK

<[Y/N]> Debby Ryan smirk.

<[Y/N]> ;]

<[Y/N]> wait you never said language to me

<[Y/N]> OvO

<[Y/N]> I’m blushing irl hold on.

<[Y/N]> I’m gonna order those ring pops just for you bb. Where do you live. Dm me. Not in game though because you’re still streaming but in discord.

You stretched in your chair as you waited for a response, laughing to yourself as you went to order the ring pops. Bad dmed you and you typed in the address, typing in your credit card number before you payed.

<[Y/N]> It has been done.

<[Y/N]> good night my new husband. Be prepared to deal with tubbo’s shit. Kith kith

You didn’t get a response from Bad, so you logged out of the server and turned your PC off. You threw yourself onto your bed and wrapped yourself in blankets.

You’re canonically married to BBH now, bitch. Take that, simp. HA. You can’t refuse because you were the one that proposed >:] I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

How he didn’t language you is a secret I’ll never tell though. ;] you know you love me, baby-

[mischief-marauders]

Yet you didn't convince me that James Potter was a good man, your arguments are invalid and you are pissed off, how nice, most of you haters only know how to block or have the anon ask taken away or doesn't exist, when you are gonna take a hint how toxic and unhealty your unjustified hate really is? So, stop being a prick you and the others James Potter kiss asses jerks!

I don’t feel the need to go into peoples asks and convince them to loves James. It’s something that doesn’t really need convincing, ya know? Well, maybe you wouldn’t know since you and the Snape stans have to write 5 page essays in MLA format and times new Roman font just to try to convince people that Snape wasn’t all bad. But anyways, I’m toxic and unhealthy but not you, the person sending various asks? Who’s upset over me liking James and hating Snape? Who’s mad that I don’t have the annonymous option for you to send hate? I don’t owe you an explanation behind what I think but since you’re bothering me and my friends and obsessing over us, I’ll give you a couple of reasons:

Yes he was a bully. That doesn’t make him a bad person. He did the same things George and Fred did but no one ever calls them bullies. He pulled pranks and the only time he actually ever did go after someone was Snape. He went after Snape because of his relationship with Lily, his obsession with dark magic, and his blood purism/bigotry.

I like James because he was a pureblood prick yet he didn’t have a bigoted bone in his body which is rare for purebloods. When he found out his roommate was a werewolf, the first thing he did was find a way to make it better for him. With the way that the wizarding world views werewolves, most people would’ve been terrified, hateful, or done something horrible. James risked his life doing extremely dangerous and forbidden magic just so he could help his friend.

When Sirius was disowned, James took him in. He became part of the family. The love Sirius has for James, even decades later, tells me that James had a good heart. That under the arrogant bully was a kind, caring, and loyal person who would go to any lengths for his friends.

He dedicated his life to fighting the death eaters. He could’ve sat back and not done anything. The fight didn’t involve him yet he threw himself in the middle of it because innocent people were being killed. James Potter is the type of person who can’t sit back and watch innocent people be hurt.

Everyone but Snape had good things to say about him. Everyone loved him. Lily giving him a chance (someone who very much did not like him prior) tells me that he changed and became a better person.

His patronus is a stag and so is Harry’s. Wizarding World says that a patronus is based on the person’s personality. Meaning that Harry and James have the same personalities. Which tells me that despite bad things happening around them and despite them making mistakes, they’re good people inside. They’re loyal and will always fight for what’s right.

I did you the courtesy of explaining why I liked James. Now you can do me the favor of leaving me alone and stop harassing my friends. Thanks.

[lilypixels]

...............all of them.....?

It took me an hr to do this....🥲💀

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Teacupsss

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Uhhh cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably quiet and smart lol I did my school work and was friendly with everyone so I was a favorite and heard all the nice things 🙈

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I kinda like bottles more but like the glass ones with the caps that could slice your fingers-

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I’m for all but sports lol

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

Shows cause I’m the type to watch an hr long episode vs hr long movie idk why but I’m rarely in mood for them

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Drop the beat (ie songs that are upbeat and I like most)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm...I guess lanyard?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Skittles or twizzlers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I had lots I had to read in school but only ever finished a handful lol my favorite I think was maybe Macbeth? I would say Odyssey but I don’t think we read the full thing cause I remember being disappointed about something like that...

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Sitting with my legs bent up in seat with me in some way

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Converse and some nice but cheap sneakers from Walmart

18. ideal weather?

Not too hot, not too cold, mild like before/after a rain (most the time), idc if it’s raining or sunny but as long as temp is comfortable I’m fine

19. sleeping position?

On my side most often

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone and notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Oh gosh uhhh I guess my like of dolls maybe? Or obsession with anything ✨unexplained✨ like ghosts, aliens, cryptids, etc

22. role model?

Kim Namjoon lol just kidding (sorta)

23. strange habits?

Ok I know I have some and my friends would be more than happy to point them all out but hm let me think...idk if these count as habits but I’ll never place a mirror facing a bed (this is more superstitious I guess than habit,,,) I can’t stand my food touching, if I have a tray like in cafeteria I have a certain spot for everything and uh my mind just went blank-

24. favorite crystal?

Moonstone, lapis lazuli, and I feel obligated to say garnet cause it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

Circle of Life maybe who knows xD

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Walk or clean,,I’m more active and about with warm/nice weather

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

...stay inside where it’s warm

28. five songs to describe you?

Not this again😭 uhhh idk you tell me ajdbd

29. best way to bond with you?

Indulge me when I go off about things I like or learn 😔✊ I know I’ll talk your ear off and I’m sorry but know I don’t often talk about these things with people so once I start it’s hard to stop,,and it makes me really happy when people do listen to me about these things and send me related items every so often or even look into it themselves to learn more 🥺

30. places that you find sacred?

For some reason this feels like a trick question...um cemeteries and anything with ages of history I guess

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Oof do I really have a true outfit?? I have shoes for this which are just black platform sneakers I call stomping shoes

32. top five favorite vines?

I never,,,watched these,,,

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Yes”...?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

State Farm and McDonald’s, always

35. average time you fall asleep?

10-11...usually...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Uhhh that one with the ginger dude (I think it was someone’s yearbook photo??) I don’t remember much else about the meme but it was on ifunny, or whatever the app was, a lot

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

Easy, tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

...neither

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Dude these questions really testing my brain power here- for senior prank someone put cereal in some bathroom sinks I think

41. last person you texted?

My mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I’m gonna say jacket since I wear those often

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Usually whatever shirt I’m wearing that day and some pj/lounge pants 🤷

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I-what kind of question is this? How does one even answer this?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

What comes around goes around lol (yes I’m a heavy believer of karma)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Lol who knows, probably something dumb me and my siblings were doing or something we watched cause there’s been plenty times of that xD

51. current stresses?

Homework vs free time e-e

52. favorite font?

I like the gothic looking ones but it’s usually not practical to use so idk

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My hands...? They’re fine ??

54. what did you learn from your first job?

How to care for babies and little kids, how to put on a diaper lol

56. favorite tradition?

I can’t remember a particular one off hand but I’m trying to start few new ones like decorating cookies for Halloween uwu

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhhhhh like personally or...? Cause we’ve overcome homelessness before, um finishing assignments idk😭 oh maybe bullying?? That’s all I can think of since I still struggle with a lot,,

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Alright let’s do thisss: creativity (mostly in writing sense), I can bake/cook, I have amazing organization skills and many work places have used that lol (bonus is I don’t mind, I actually really enjoy it, very peaceful), surprisingly good balance all things considered, I’m a quick learner

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I’m too tired for this.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Good question good question🤔 I don’t think I’d last in any of them/have a terrible side character role so 💀

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dude this is gonna get embarrassing I can feel it🤠

Itaru, Iori, Sogo, Belle, Simeon (obey me), Nozaki (he’s clueless about romance irl and doesn’t know when someone has a crush on him yet can write romance well enough and yeah it’s me lol), and uhh Swindler/Ordinary Person in Akudama Drive (still can’t believe no one really has names in that anime but the way she gets wrapped in everything felt like something that’d happen to me lol)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Like nightclub...? I’m skipping this ajdbd

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Probably the Barbie site, me and my sister played all the dress up games almost daily istg

65. any permanent scars?

Appendectomy scars and then looks like I have one on a toe but it’s possible it still might heal...

66. favorite flower(s)?

Nightshade, foxglove, baby’s breath, bellflowers, roses

67. good luck charms?

I don’t think I have any...

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Lemon

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Let me think...I read something once about flowers having ears(?) but like not ear ears just something about having a part that picks up sound waves

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

Lolll animal print I think

72. worst subject?

Physics...the worst science

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

6...?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I don’t remember, it probably happened when i was 6. I do remember losing one of my front teeth during my birthday one year and I was happy since the tooth had been loose for some time xD

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Chips I guess or just like fried in skillet

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

A succulent probably

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither ew

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

They are both about equally terrible

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

I am on pc side now

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts I guess

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology, it’s too fun and chaotic lol

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Hm...cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Uh,,,I don’t have many fears but I guess one would be falling from a great height? So I would get scared of crossing a bridge and it collapsing or riding a plane and it falling easily

88. your greatest wish?

World peace🥲

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom maybe...?

90. luckiest mistake?

I honestly don’t remember but something I do remember is I out semicolon instead of period and turned out to be correct grammar lol

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight or fairy lights, I don’t require much either way and prefer more natural lighting

93. nicknames?

Lassie, twinkle toes, Ash, poody butt (by 3 yr old I sometimes watch and play with lol he means it affectionately; I call him monkey butt and it’s catching on slowly instead)

94. favorite season?

Starting to be fall just a little more but I like transition times most

95. favorite app on your phone?

Let’s go with twitter

96. desktop background?

It is a moriarty and gang pic

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

2: mine and my moms

98. favorite historical era?

Ooo tough one but I’ll say renaissance as some of the coolest things came from that time

[rosella-writes]

writing tag game

Thank you so much for the tag @noire-pandora, @kittynomsdeplume, @melisusthewee and @emerald-amidst-gold <3

Whoooo boy, here we go.

How many works do you have on AO3?

17, but quite a few are just one-shots. I only have a couple long-fics, mostly because my poor ADHD brain is cruel to me.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

190,052, but if I hadn't orphaned my old (and embarrassing) Skyrim and Sherlock fanfics it'd probably be closer to 300,000.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

honey just put your sweet lips on my lips - 579

i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted - 56

a fuller feeling (a brighter burst) - 54

Eunoia - 40

i'd wanna be felled by you, held by you (fuel the pyre of your enemies) - 39

(And to be perfectly honest, my most popular fic is by far my worst. I spend so much more time carefully crafting for Eunoia than I do anything else, but the little following it's picked up has made it worth more to me than all the kudos and comments on "honey.")

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I used to be terrible about it, mostly because the vast majority of comments I once got was hate (I wrote for a weirdly unpopular wlw pairing). Now I make it a point to respond to every single one when I can, even the short ones, to thank them for taking the time. It means so much.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It was a drabble for the r/dragonage writing thread, actually! The premise was a font in the Black Emporium that would show your OC the outcome of a decision made differently. I wrote Eliana Lavellan from Eunoia discovering what would have happened if she'd fought with Solas in Crestwood until he told her the truth... and its outcome was worse than the timeline where he left her and kept his secret. You can read it here (it's about 1200 words, nice and short).

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

My various Solavellan pairings don't get happy endings. Evelyn Lavellan was more of a narrative tool to explore Solas with, so her ending was cut short. Eliana doesn't have her ending yet, but it will be bitter and painful. My happiest ending was for my Bella/Rosalie pairing for Twilight - Bella became a vampire and lived happily ever after with her wife.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, unfortunately! Since my days on tumblr and FFNet, S*perWh*L*ck left a terrible taste in my mouth when it came to crossovers. I'd be open to it one day if I can find fandoms chill enough.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

As I previously mentioned, yes. In my Bella/Rosalie fic, I made it a point for Rosalie to love all the parts of Bella that weren't conventionally beautiful. My Bella is also a dark-skinned black woman, and the intersection of racism, colorism, and misogyny where it concerns attractiveness was something I thought worth including because I didn't see enough of it in fic. I wanted to highlight all the things that don't get enough attention or are actively reviled, like hyperpigmentation, stretch marks, natural hair, soft bellies, areolas and vulvas that aren't perfectly symmetrical or small, pubic hair and armpit hair and little hairs around nipples - things that I love about AFAB people! I got a lot of comments on my smut chapters calling Bella disgusting, or me nasty for choosing to include those traits. I deleted every single one.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So much. I love exploring pairings or power dynamics that people wouldn't necessarily consider, like a strong female warrior Lavellan domming Solas, or Solas topping Blackwall. I wanted to show a black woman in an interracial relationship with a white woman where she got to be soft and loved gently, where she got to be quiet, bookish, and looked after instead of expected to be the loud, strong stereotype that we pin black women into. I wanted to show the power of masculinity in an elven mage who loves a warrior woman (Solas/Cass), or the nurturing side of domming in a relationship between a pan giant and a bisexual elf (Iron Bull/Solas).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, tbh. I turn up to fandoms a decade late, so usually by the time I get any traction the fic-stealers have done their dirty work and leave me alone.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven't! I hope to one day write a fic in Greek for my best friend, though. They deserve to read about Solas in their mother-tongue.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but have done some plotting with aforesaid Greek friend.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Solavellan, absolutely. Any variation, honestly - I've loved m!Solavellan, f!Solavellan, as well as any variation including nonbinary, trans, or other interpretation of the relationship. Solas sees and loves the spirit, and I love the idea that its vessel doesn't matter so much to him. I headcanon him as a he/him agender bisexual, for what it's worth.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I've technically marked i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted as complete, but it cuts off right before Adamant and was intended to be a full Solavellan story. However, I just didn't care for my rogue f!Lavellan OC very much, and didn't think she matched Solas well. I developed an OC that I enjoyed writing much better and rolled with it. So, I'm sorry Evelyn Lavellan, but your story is frozen with the two of you happy in bed. Solas will never break up with her so long as I don't write that part, right?

What are your writing strengths?

I love dialogue and crafting character voices! Getting a comment that I've managed to portray a favorite character so well that they can hear their voice in their head as they read? Priceless.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition vs description. I want to show instead of tell, but developing the right environment for a scene can be tough for me. It's so much easier to write that the characters are cold and the ground is wet than to wax poetic about dripping leaves and frosty air. But I'm working on it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm obsessed with it. I love little bits sprinkled through that make sense with context, and culturally speaking it would feel wrong not to sometimes! I'm also the type of person that's always been obsessed with languages, and instead of becoming fluent in one I've learned a smattering of a whole lot. So any opportunity to sneak in some French, Welsh, German when it makes sense? I'm taking it. And don't even get me started on Elvhen or Qunlat because I will sprinkle that shit like biodegradable glitter.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Okay I'm gonna flout this question and just write my fandoms in order:

Sherlock (circa 2010 - 2014)

Skyrim (2016)

Twilight (obsessed from 2005 - 2010 but didn't write for it until 2019 or 2020 when Midnight Sun released)

Dragon Age (March 2021 and easily the most fanfic I've ever written ever)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite one to write was probably i'd wanna be felled by you, but my favorite to reread is Eunoia. It's most likely the most honest, least presumptuous thing I've ever written, and it's easily the longest thing I've ever attempted. I'm very proud of it.

As far as tagging goes, I've been very rude lately with it by tagging people late in the day, or tagging folks that I haven't tagged before, and am still refiguring out tumblr etiquette (since I haven't been here since the days of the skeleton war and the Mishapocalypse lmao), so presume if you see this you're tagged to participate. With no expectations nor pressure, though, I'll tag @dreadfutures, @varric-tethras-editor and @blarfkey if they'd like. <3

[bluejones]

a valentine’s day surprise

pairing: dave york x reader word court: 1k warnings: I mean, there’s some gun use because obviously.. a/n: me, writing FLUFFY shit for dave?? I could never. my friends will be shocked! but I want to be his wife so you know, here we are. I can’t think of nice things without there being some sort of spicy undertone okay! Also I wrote this pretty quickly at like 6am and I’m just gonna post it without dwelling on it like all my other writing I’ve been holding onto, sooo it’s not edited or anything but that’s okay. please enjoy :)

Inspired by this gif

The sun had just started to rise as you walked down the stairs in your home, yawning and pulling your robe tighter around you. It was like any other day, nothing special about it except for the fact that it was Valentine’s day. 

You didn’t celebrate anymore, saved that for the early years together with your husband, who had already left for the day. You both showed how much you loved each other every single day, so celebrating specifically on one day wouldn’t really mean anything. 

Besides, being together so long just made it harder and harder to be creative. With commercialised gifts and red and pink cards – it wasn’t exactly your style. It wasn’t your husbands either, thankfully.

Today would turn out to be slightly different though.

When you reached the kitchen, you headed straight for the coffee machine. Surprisingly, your favourite mug had already been left out for you. Under it lay a blank white envelope.

You inspected it, finding that it had been properly sealed. Carefully, you swiped your finger under the seal and pulled the card out. It was also blank, no font or design on the front. It was strange, your husband wasn’t the type to leave mysterious messages. He was straight forward, preferring to tell you things in person, prefer to call than send a text. It was one of the things you liked about him - but this letter couldn’t have come from anyone else.

You flipped the card open and, in the middle, a simple sentence in black ink was scrawled across it.

this Valentine’s day I thought I’d get you a gun

-    Dave

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your lips or stop the smile that spread so far across your face the corners of your eyes crinkled. You thought about it constantly for the rest of the day.

                                                        ~~~~~

He was nervous when he first told you. You had a sneaking suspicious that he didn’t just work a boring desk job with the CIA. No - he was a trained operative and sometimes freelance assassin. It was certainly a shock but his honesty, and the trust he felt he had with you to share his secret was enough to make you fall for him even more.

Despite his anxiousness over if you really did love him and his morally questionable career, you married him anyway. While it made you worry, you trusted his skill and judgement, knowing he would always come back home to you. If anything, it made him more attractive and you appreciated so much more the times when he was soft and would melt like putty in your hands for you.

He could have become a very different man..

When he arrived home later that day, he was almost giddy with excitement. Such a contrast to his sometimes usual intensity after a long day. He scooped you up into a hug and spun you around, planting kisses over your face. You couldn’t do anything other than laugh and you felt like you couldn’t feel more happy or have your heart feel so full.

Once he set you down, he shoved what you assumed was your gift into your hands. He had even put it in a nice box and the thoughtfulness made your heart ache.

As you opened the lid, you noticed he was shifting between his feet, clearly nervous. It was a compact black 9mm handgun, small, but it would fit perfectly in your hands. A red band went across the grip, a personalised touch you figured. It was practical and anything but fancy – exactly what you wanted. You were beaming. You’d definitely wanted your own for a while and you wondered for a moment how long he had wanted you to have one.

The thought of placing your gun next to all of his in the case in the basement was enough to make your eyes water.

He was ushering you outside, barely giving you enough time to fully process your emotions before you were being positioned in front of a target he’d managed to put up without you noticing.

You were grateful for the large backyard and space from your neighbours – the shots fired would sound dull in the distance. No need for them to worry.

“Do you remember?” he asked standing behind you, placing a hand on your hip. You looked back and rolled your eyes at him. Yes, you remembered how to hold a gun.

Lifting your arms up the way he taught you years ago, you aimed the gun at the target, taking a moment to breathe and concentrate.

“That’s it, honey.” His mouth brushed your ear as he whispered. Both of his hands were at your waist now and you would have shivered if you didn’t want to keep a steady composure – not make it so obvious how much he affected you. Not that it mattered, he would know anyway.

Shifting your stance slightly, you shot 5 rounds at the target. It was smooth, barely any recoil. You missed 2 out of the 5 but that was okay – you’d be able to perfect your shot now that you had your own gun.

Dave hummed in approval and pressed a lingering kiss to your neck.

“Very good.”

His voice was low and almost gravely and this time you did shiver, letting it run down your spine. His breathing picked up and you could feel his chest rise and fall quicker as he pressed his body flush against yours.

“Again?” He questioned and you considered it before sighing. His arms dropped from you as you turned around to face him. You would have liked to if he wasn’t already making you feel so needy.

You pressed your gun against the underside of his chin, tilting it up so he had to look down at you. He gasped and his body jolted at the feel of the cold metal against his skin. His pupils dilatated, staring wide at you. His arms flew straight to your hips and gripped them tightly, pulling you into him.

“You’d better take me to bed Mr. York.” You whispered against his lips and he groaned. His arms wrapped around you and lifted you up, making you lock your legs around his waist.

“Yes, dear.” He smiled playfully, crushing his lips into yours, deepening the kiss as he moved back toward the house.

[irkenheretic]

(How I Learned) How To Read Irken: A Guide

(Pictured: Us....) (From @zimgay​ ‘s lovely animatic!)

Okay, I’m finally making this post. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might have caught on that I can read Irken. When I started, I was completely confused over wether or not I was teaching myself correctly, how long it’d take, et cetera. But I’ve finally hashed it out for myself, and I thought:

Why not make a guide for anyone else who wants to learn but has no idea where to start? 

So that’s what I’m doing. Some disclaimers, though:

- This is what worked for me. It may or may not work for you, I’m not sure. I think it’s a pretty good method, though.

- Reading Irken and Writing Irken are two different skillsets. I’m gonna show you how to do both, but don’t worry if you’re better at one than the other. 

- This will probably take a while of daily (or near-daily) practice to learn. It’s not impossible, it’s not super challenging, but it’s not super easy, especially if you have memory problems like I do. (For context: I started in September. But I also have a really shitty memory so, like. It might take less time for you.)

Okay! Let’s do this!

First off, you’d probably do well downloading the Irken font for practice purposes. Messing around with it and typing in it is fun, and can help!

You’ll also need a notebook. It’s not required, but having it all in one place is super convenient. (And, if it’s tiny enough, you can carry it around whenever, and also have it on hand to whip out at cons.)

The first thing I did was write each individual letter over and over and over again. This is what’s at the start of my notebook, and writing the letters over and over helped me remember which were which. I also had to focus pretty hard on what letter this actually was, this is tedious as hell but it’s not something you can do mindlessly.

(Pictured: Normal levels of interest in a show.)

This is what my notebook looks like. Don’t worry about those simplified versions of the letters yet, but you’re gonna wanna leave room for them. Don’t worry about learning simplified/handwritten until later, it helps recognition if you really have to focus on actually drawing the letters, at first.

(And yes, I know my pen is really smudgy. And that my H’s suck.)

After this, three letter words are your friend. Pick just, common three letter words you know, and write them down a lot. I have just, the Irken for “THE” written in the margins of my class notebooks a TON. Once you feel like you can remember that word well, go onto another 3 letter word with a different set of letters. Recognition = good, so pick something you like, use all the time. 

While I was doing this, I tried to string together Irken letters I knew into like, coherent phrases. I was very bad at this at first. Acronyms are your friend here, lmao. (I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve written ‘u r a qt pie’ in my notebooks.) It doesn’t matter what you write, just that it makes coherent sense. 

There are gonna be some uncommon letters that are gonna be hard to practice, like W and Z, off the top of my head. For Z, that was easy. I just wrote ZIM over and over and over. For W... I used UWU. You laugh now, but the absurdity of it cements that I will always recognize those two letters. 

Four letter words are also good. (Please, absolutely write “FUCK” over and over in order to remember letters. I encourage it.)

There is also the absolute cuntwaffles. Y’know how in English, b, p, d, g, all look kinda the same? Yeah, Irken has that too. 

(Pictured: Head hurting juice.)

The I and Z don’t look that similar now, but good luck without a translation guide. By this point, you should have memorized a good chunk of the Irken alphabet, and be able to recognize some others when you see them. If you’ve been writing common three- or four-letter words, it’s likely you’ve been using letters very common in the English language. Which brings us to our next stage, and the actual fun part: 

READING! 

You’re gonna want a translation guide on hand in these early stages, you will need it. The main goal of this stage is to read anything in Irken you can get your hands on- but start small! Fanart with Irken in it was a godsend to me. It’s not that long, so it’s not overwhelming. I did need to look up some letters at the beginning, and I read really slowly, but that’ll change quickly if you keep up with it! The specific fanarts I used are:

@inimoose​ ‘s The Last Irken comic, specifically chapter one: part one, and chapter two: part two have a lot of Irken. But I’d recommend reading the whole comic; it’s good!

@paketdimensioncomic​ ‘s page of lore for their comic! Spoilers, though. Again, I’d recommend reading through the whole comic, because it’s just that good. 

@xryn-art​ ‘s Linguistic Au’s first comic has a good chunk of Irken! The other comics do have some, but it’s all translated. Still good practice, though, if you wanna... read them......... ;) ;) ;) 

Yes, this segment was partially a way for me to plug my favorite fan-artists, (or at least the ones that use Irken,) sue me. It’s my guide and I make the rules here.

(I am very sorry if I bothered any of you by @’ing you.)

But just some sources isn’t enough, so I introduce you to browser fonts. And changing yours to Irken. 

It will not effect everything in your browser, and it can be toggled on and off, so don’t worry. If you really want, you can download a separate browser to change the font of, and leave your normal one be. It’d be convenient if you could, since having your browser font be Irken is inconvenient if you need to use Wikipedia, like, ever. 

Here’s a guide for that, for Chrome, Firefox, Opera, and Internet Explorer for some reason. You’ll see four options to change, I just changed all of them. Not every page is going to have Irken on it, though. For me, Wikipedia is all in Irken, and so is TV Tropes. And some Tumblr blogs (PAKet Dimension’s is one, just in case you need a reason to go back there ;)) But it might be different for you. 

Whatever it is, now you have a nice way to practice. I read Wikipedia articles on stuff I already knew about (so I wasn’t completely lost and could figure out what letters I didn’t know were from context clues,) but not a page I’ve read before in recent memory- you might just be recalling what the page said, instead of actually reading it.

And about the absolute cuntwaffle letters: yes, this will help you in recognizing which are which. Seeing the letters in context is always going to be much more helpful than just, a bunch of meaningless squiggles floating in the void.

At this point, I personally am much better at reading than writing Irken. It’s one thing to know a letter when you see it, and another to recall it and write it down from memory. Right now, I’m trying to write song lyrics and dumb little phrases in Irken, to improve my writing skills. Again, nothing too long, don’t overwhelm yourself. This sounds stupid, but Vines are good. When I don’t remember a letter, I just leave it blank and look it up after I’m done. 

Another thing that helps is having a friend to practice with, or someone to just give you Irken phrases for you to translate. 

Once you’re around this stage, you can try to learn simplified/handwritten Irken. You can also try to learn it before this, I started it around when I started reading fanart for practice, it’s up to you. This guide is a good starting point, but you don’t have to follow it exactly. This is your handwriting, do what feels natural for you!

(Also, don’t even worry about speedwrite Irken. That has no place in this holy land and frankly I am scared of it.)

And that’s... pretty much it! Most of the process is just... practicing a lot. 

If this post does well, I might make a server for people who wanna learn Irken to practice together and stuff. It all depends if anyone even wants to learn Irken. 

EDIT: Well, guess what I ended up making just the next day. Here’s the post for the server, and please read the joining rules.

Also, if you wanna learn Irken numbers, here you go. But start with letters first, worry about numbers later. These are never used, aren’t even in the Irken font, and three of them look a lot like those cuntwaffle Irken letters. 

Anyway I just really hope this guide helps someone out. If you do use it, tell me! And have fun learning Irken!! It really is just, a blast to do honestly.

[nelliebrookstone]

( BRIANNE HOWEY, 29, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ELEANOR ‘NELL’ BROOKSTONE. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE BURN BOOK, if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re SUPPORTIVE but PETTY, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CRIED IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE SOMEONE TOOK HER YOGURT. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

Greetings Earthlings, my name is Asha I am simply a fellow human from planet earth looking to hang out with my cool friends at the Build-A-Bear. I’m excited to be here! I have more information on Eleanor (nellie if you know here, nell if you don’t) below the cut! If you give this a lil like I’ll slide into your exclusive tumblr DMs to plot! 

So, who is Nell? Well let me tell you. As far as most people know, Nell is a former Masters Model turned Head of Talent Management for models. She’s a mix of sweet Alabama charm and scary dead smile energy, and she always has a compact for you to borrow in her purse. Most people know she always has a perfect french manicure and knows most people by first name. You might also know she recently divorced Parker and is no longer using his last name, please do not call her Mrs. Carson she’ll cry in the bathroom and then leave you a bad yelp review. You’re not even on yelp, you say? She’ll make one for you and then leave a bad review. 

But like a curated Insta, this ain’t it folks. So buckle up. (I say this dramatically but tbh she has had a pretty stable life)

Nellie grew up in a smallish town in Alabama. If you ask her, it wasn’t small at all. But it certainly was compared to large city centers, and definitely compared to New York. It was the kind of town where everyone knew your business, and Nellie had a lot of business. 

She was a teen queen! Head cheerleader, student president, shining volunteer of the county and Lady Alabama of 2010 (not to be confused with Miss Alabama, but if you ask her it’s basically the same thing). She was very involved in her community and her parents were well known in the area for their construction company. Everyone loved her that she was like the golden child of the town.

It was a great, privileged life! Her parents got married young, had a bunch of kids, and had the means to care for them! Her parents also have a very genuine love story, still passionate about each other years later. She and her sisters (all five of them) have always wanted a life like their parents’. 

The one difference between her and her parents remained her desire to roam and see the world. She wanted to travel, or at least live in a place where she could meet new people from new places. Moving to New York seemed like a great place to get some experience, though if you ask her mother she probably got the idea from some dumb TV show. She did. It was a lot of shows. And a lot of movies. There were a ton of romantic comedies that TRULY shaped this desire. 

she started sending in applications to various schools in New York. She was an honor list student with a lot of extra-circulars and passion to be at these places that shown through on all her apps. She got many a rejection, the one from Columbia was the hardest. It was the worst thing that ever happened to her at the time, so you can imagine how her life must have been. 

She DID get accepted to NYU for Public Relations! CHEERS ALL AROUND! She was so excited. She was gonna see the world and be a big city bitch 10/10. In college, she was quickly involved in everything from various clubs, to sorority, to trying to get involved with the community. It didn’t work out as well. New York was just such a different town...in that it was...big. And she wasn’t used to that. 

But she did meet a funky guy named Parker Carson! And they fell in love! And here is a short synopsis of their relationship: 

they met at a department store. Parker looked a little lost in the dress shirt area so she helped him pick out an outfit and the rest was, as they say, history. 

they had a great relationship at first, full of love and passion and fun times. he had a pokemon tattoo, she used to play pokemon snap. what a team! 

but really, they had a great time together...which led them to get married real early. In fact, for Nell, this was even a little late. She thought she’d be married with kids by 23. 

a lot of little things led to their downfall, but it can be boiled down to not fully understanding what it takes to live with another person who doesn’t mesh with your lifestyle. A big issue for Nell was kids. She wanted them, right then and there. He didn’t! No one’s fault, but it seemed to be a block they couldn’t get over. 

they’re divorced now. it’s fresh. she’s got a lot of conflicts about it. She cannot believe she is divorced before 30. she cannot believe she doesn’t have kids by now. She is under the impression she’s run out of time for everything, which is not true at all but it’s how she feels. She’s none too fond of the man at the moment. 

But listen! Nellie is a fun girl! She’s got a lot of ~zest~ for life and likes to do new things and try new places. She’s also just as comfortable spending the day at home on the couch with everything she needs within arms reach. She seems like someone who would be into partying but that’s really not her scene. She’s a brunch girl, a drive-thru movie theater girl, and an all-day 90 day fiance girl. She has an addiction to cherry cokes and always misses her stop on the subway because she gets distracted listening to her music and zoning out. She cries a lot during sad AND happy movies and can’t eat pork because she once knew a pig named Babe (no relation to the famous babe). Her favorite animal is the octopus and she volunteers with the homeless shelter every weekend. 

All of this doesn’t really come across in her work persona. She always seems like she’s extremely put together and very good at what she does. She’s quick, snappy, and not afraid to speak her mind. She’s a master at the backhanded compliment and is the master of the delayed burn (you won’t know you’ve been roasted until she’s down the hallway). She has a very charming way of speaking with a thick southern accent and tons of sayings that no one knows the meaning of, but sometimes that Nice Southern Girl smile comes out and you know she would be stabbing you if such an act were socially acceptable. Despite this, Nellie doesn’t think she’s a mean person. 

But I’m sure there are MANY people who think she is. Because...sometimes she is! No one is perfect, and she definitely has a reputation of being a major pain in the ass if you’re on her bad side. Nell remembers EVERY slight against her. Oh, she remembers when you commented on the amount of emails she sends. She remembers when you mentioned that you thought her font type was a little too bold. She remembers it all...and stores it in her mental burn book. 

This also happens often because she is...pretty sensitive. And because she’s going through a divorce, which is NOT what she had planned for in life, she’s like a stubbed toe away from a full cry every day. She’s started to invest in waterproof mascara but it’s not working out. She really DID cry in the bathroom over her yogurt. She also came back the next day and wrote a VERY angry letter on the fridge titled ‘to the person who likes to take things that don’t belong to them, I hope your mother knows she raised a THIEF.’

As petty as she can be, she’s also a great person to have in your corner. If you’re a friend, she will fight for you to the end. She’s very loyal and will often drop whatever she’s doing if you need her. She can be very generous, no expenses spared to lift up someone she loves. If you’re a friend of hers, she’s a great friend. The kind you can call at 2 am when she’s dead asleep and she’ll still come help you move out of your shitty ex’s apartment. 

Basically, Nell is a whole lot of things. Not all of them are great. But she likes to think of herself as a good person that cares about other people. She generally is! She’s also fairly good at having heart to heart conversations, and isn’t afraid to own her mistakes if she’s not still upset about the issue. But she’ll also try to ruin your career if you steal her yogurt. Fun! 

I’ll add more as I think of it, but for now I’m here for all the plots. Best friends, enemies, the person who caught her crying in the bathroom, the person who caught her angrily scribbling her name on all her yogurt, you name it!