#and at some point you gotta go 'do you Need 6 extra characters related just to you'

[thesunshineriptide]

What do you think the TWST boys would major in college?

Oooooooo good question. Im gonna answer kinda quick as to why. I’m also throwing some people in here I genuinely don’t think would go to college/back to college but what I think they’d do instead. Thank you for the question!!

Can’t the Future Just Wait?

Characters: Riddle, Trey, Cater, Ace, Deuce, Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Azul, Jade, Floyd, Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Epel, Rook, Idia, Ortho, Malleus, Silver, Lilia, Sebek

Cw// swearing, talk of mental health, talk of characters past, mentions of criminal activity and death

Heartslabyul:

Riddle

He’d start college majoring in medicine to be a magical healer, then he would probably end up switching to law because it’s something he’s more passionate about. He then ends up double majoring in Law and Psychology

Trey

Would start college undecided, ends up actually majoring for a psych degree. Riddles overblot traumatized his ass so badly that he wants to be able to help people before they get to that point. He attends culinary classes in his free time, but doesn’t minor in anything.

Cater

I don’t think he would go to college, but I do think he’d end up taking a course online to get a certification in social media management but other than that. I think he works as a social media manager most of the time, either for a big company or for himself as a YouTuber, and then probably teaches guitar to kids for extra cash.

Ace

Ace would be tryina go to college on a basketball sponsorship and end up as a philosophy major. He broke his leg in one game and that basically ended his career so now he’s gotta pick something else and philosophy is an easy degree. Eventually drops out and works for Azul instead

Deuce

Deuce has said he wants to be a magic police officer man so he’s doing whatever that entails in twisted wonderland. I’m from America and our police training is like 6 weeks long and you don’t need a degree but I’d imagine it’s very different based on what everyone says. I 100% think he achieves this goal though

Savanaclaw:

Leona

He wouldn’t go to college except for the fact that he doesn’t wanna go back to the sunset savanna so he decides to major in political science and minor in linguistics. He spends another 7 years completing a 4 year degree before he just goes home. Ends up being the diplomatic emissary for his kingdom and improves relations incredibly fast

Ruggie

Ruggie is going where Leona is going, so he’s an undecided major for the first two years, just taking any classes that line up with Leona’s schedule, then ends up finishing his time by majoring in social work and community development. Uses these skills to take Leona’s money and sink it into his community at home

Jack

I feel like he’s at trade school learning to be a carpenter. When he’s done he probably lives off the grid in a cabin in the forest making handmade chairs and selling them and his homegrown fruits and veggies at the farmers market/art fairs

Octavinelle:

Azul

He majors in business, minors in music. It should work but it does and he excels in both classes. Probably ends up running like five businesses and making a fuckton of money. Once he graduates he takes a year off to travel, then goes back to college to get another degree in culinary arts, with a minor in graphic design. He doesn’t worry about money because he’s a loan shark at school.

Jade

He majors in forensic science and minors in botany. When he graduates he ends up working for Azul again, but not with the degree. Ends up going back to college two more times, once to get a degree in pathology (which is easy, as forensics translate well to that) then to trade school to get a degree in culinary arts. This perturbs everyone he goes to school with. Ends up being a chef at one of Azul’s restaurants.

Floyd

He goes for basketball, then gets bored, switches his major like 50 times, then decides to drop out and work Azul instead. Jade gives him tips on how to avoid…conflict. Azul pays him well and continues to be amusing so Floyd continues working for him.

Scarabia:

Kalim

Kalim goes to college for astrology. He doesn’t minor in anything. He gets his associates degree and calls it quits and goes home to do Kalim things. Literally never uses his degree

Jamil

Jamil doesn’t go to school, but he does spend a few years training in martial arts. After he’s done and finds out that - hey, no, you don’t have to be responsible for Kalim - then he goes to college to become a dancer. Vil hires him to be a backup dancer for him in both music videos and on tour

Pomefiore:

Vil

I’m torn on saying he doesn’t go to school and saying he becomes a triple major. Here’s the thing, artists popular in their youth are kind of a limited time commodity until they’re like, 50 and get popular again. So Vil going to college is simultaneously a great investment and a horrible decision. I think in the end he takes non-credit college classes in film, production, music, visual art, and graphic design, but never gets a degree. He does use the classes to further his art though.

Rook

He majors in Ethology. He gets a doctorate in it. He doesn’t use this in a professional setting. Becomes a private eye instead.

Epel

Tries to go home instead of college but his family insists he goes. Ends up majoring in agricultural studies and minoring in alchemy. Uses this to create magical gmos and stretch crops in a way that could be supplementary to food deserts.

Ignihyde:

Idia

He doesn’t need to go to college, or want to go to college, so instead he just codes video games. His games are massively popular and spawn several franchises. He also creates the twisted wonderland equivalent of five nights at Freddy’s

Ortho

Can he go to college? He says he can! Majors in history and minors in English. Uses his degree to tutor kids online

Diasomnia:

Malleus

He goes to college because Lilia insists that he should. He majors in creative writing and minors in analog technology (verses Technomancy). He doesn’t use this to further his kingdom, but instead himself. He ends up penning beautiful poetry and releasing it under a fake name. He takes the analog technology course so he can always repair his tamagotchi

Silver

Because of Lilia’s insistence (and malleus attendance) he goes to college as well. He starts in creative writing but he finds that magical healing sounds really appealing and transfers to that with Lilia and Malleus’s blessings. He becomes insanely talented at it and in particular studies similar cases to his affliction to find a cure. It also comes in hand as one of Malleus’s retainers.

Lilia

He majors in teaching and specifically zones in on either teaching elementary school or on history. Tries to take a course in culinary arts as well, he is banned from this. Once Silver and Sebek are grown, he uses his degree to get back to work and teach a younger generation.

Sebek

I want to say he does whatever Malleus does, but I don’t think it’s true. I think he studies marine biology. Probably infodumps everything about it to everyone who will listen. This doesn’t come in handy in any way, but he’s passionate so it doesn’t matter

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (June 6/2021) - Techno’s Visit

It’s time for Techno to visit Dream in prison. After saying some parting words to Phil, Techno goes to Pandora’s Vault for the first time...

Later, Quackity, Puffy, Bad, Skeppy and Michael tour around Las Nevadas for a fun chill stream, and Quackity recruits Michael as a worker to build in the city.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Technoblade

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

QuackityToo

Michaelmcchill

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- Techno goes to speak with Phil before he visits Dream

- Phil gets a horrible canonical headache and Techno offers him a canonical aspirin

- Phil isn’t sure going to the prison is a good idea, as every time someone’s gone something bad's happened, but Dream saved Techno’s life. Also views

- Phil has his concerns, but Dream called in the favor. Techno thinks he should go and check on him anyways, even without Quackity. Dream’s been in there for five months

- Phil offers his help, but Techno doesn’t want Phil to take any risks paying off his debt

- But there is something Phil can do: Techno wrote a will. He throws a signed book to Phil. Phil asks how many days he should wait. Techno says it varies. The instructions are in the will

Techno: “I took a vow. Those who treat me with kindness see it repaid tenfold...I gotta honor that.”

- He rings the channel member bell

- Techno wonders if he can bring Steve, but probably not. He says goodbye to Phil and heads off for the prison

- He makes it to the prison entrance and says hello to Sam, who welcomes him through the portal

- Techno says he’s come to visit Dream, but Sam says he’s not allowing people to visit right now. Techno throws Sam a book:

---

FIELD TRIP SLIP

---

Sam. Technoblade will be paying Dream a visit. This is business related. Let it happen.

It’s also tax write off :)

- Quackity

---

- Techno reads the waiver aloud and signs it “Techno Blade”

- Sam then asks the questions:

“When is the last time you visited the prison?”

“I have not visited the prison before”

“Where is your place of residence currently located?”

“I live in like this cabin in the north, it’s pretty chill.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea why he’s in there, so...”

“Are you saying no?”

“I’m not saying, like, yes or no, I don’t really -- I’m not really up to date on the news recently, if I’m being honest.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“Yeah, we’ve been business associates I’d say, in the past, you know. I wouldn’t say I’m like friends with him, honestly -- he’s kinda sus...I’m not gonna lie, it does not surprise me at all that he ended up in a jail, ‘cause that guy -- he’s a little weird sometimes, you know. A little strange...So you know, it’s, eh...it’s up and down.”

- Sam gets to the last question, telling Techno he’s the ultimate authority on the grounds of the prison

Techno: “Oh I love authority, everyone can tell you that.”

- Techno goes to store his belongings in the locker. There’s a bed in an item frame now which he uses to set his spawn. Techno opens up his Ender Chest and stores all of his armor and weapons in it

- Having run out of space in the Ender Chest, Techno puts his remaining items in the locker chest: Potions, gapples, golden carrots, an Ender Chest, Ender Pearls and a stack of stone

Techno: “Well. You know, you seem like a trustworthy man.”

- They go through the security protocol. There’s a new Ender Pearl stasis chamber in the first room that wasn’t there before. Techno zooms in on it before it activates, teleporting Sam in

- Techno’s impressed with the prison’s design. He gets Sam to open the vault door a second time to admire it

- Techno signs the next waivers “sub to techno” as “Technoblade (subscribe to technoblade”

- Techno praises Sam’s creativity with the prison, comparing it to the Butcher Army’s simple execution platform

- The lava wall comes down. Dream isn’t facing them

- Techno walks with the moving platform to the cell. The second Dream sees him, he starts shouting

Techno: “Yo, Dream! Dream, what’s up!”

Dream: “TECHNO NO! NO!”

Techno: “No what?”

Dream: “QUACKITY -- it’s a trap! It’s a trap! Techno--”

Techno: “What about Quackity? Dream, you need to -- I haven’t seen you in a long time, Dream.”

Dream: “(muffled) Techno...He’s been torturing me I gotta -- I didn’t write that note.”

...

Techno: “I’m not gonna lie to you, Dream, I -- I kinda had a feelin’ he was lying, but I kinda had to visit anyways, just to see how you were doing, get to the truth of things, you know? You know? And besides, Quackity’s not even here, man.”

Dream: “...Why did you come?”

Techno: “I wanted to see you! I need to figure out what’s going on here, Dream, and between you and me, I’m an anarchist, so uh -- (looking to Sam) Can he hear me at this volume?”

Dream: “They’re working together...”

Techno: “Who?”

Dream: “Sam and Quackity!”

- Techno asks Dream to tell him everything. Neither the lava wall nor the Netherite barrier have lowered yet

- Techno looks back at Sam, asking how long he has to be in there for

Sam: “I think you could do with a nice long stay with Dream...you’re probably the main threat to uh -- to Dream escaping, aren’t you, ‘cause you know, the two of you have worked together before, and...”

Techno: “I...would never defy authority, alright. I. Love. Authority.”

Sam: “I think we both know that’s probably not true--”

Techno: “Everybody will tell you how much Technoblade loves authority figures.”

- Sam refuses to send the bridge back, saying the two of them will have some catching up to do. He sends the lava wall down

Techno: “Sam, this is NOT DOING MUCH TO CHANGE MY POLITICAL OPINIONS!”

(Dream freaks out in the background)

Techno: “...Alright. Well that was nice.”

- Dream panics. Techno tells him it’s fine, that they’re not out of options

Dream: “I have been in here for six months! What do you mean we’re not out of options, it’s fine -- how?!”

Techno: “Well I mean, maybe you’re out of options, but like I actually have friends now. I know I was kinda like a loser when we first met...”

- He finds the books and quills and tells Dream to write down everything he knows about the prison

Techno: “So...hows it goin’, roommate?”

Dream: (quietly) “Oh my god...”

- Techno seems optimistic about the new experience. Dream tells him he used to have a clock as Techno examines the cell

- Techno tells Dream to get to writing and ends stream

- Ranboo goes back home and is confused by how much the trees have grown. He thinks Phil probably has something to do with it and that he knows something, even though Phil isn’t doing it himself

- He then goes mining

- Quackity does a chill stream on the SMP working on the roads of Las Nevadas while chatting about lore out of character

- He walks down the Prime Path when he gets suddenly jumped by Skeppy and Bad, who attack him together. Quackity threatens to blow up their house

- Captain Puffy joins the fray and stops them

- Quackity offers Puffy and Michael a tour of his country

- He goes eating at McPuffy’s and Michael comes over to give him food as well

- There’s a hostile takeover of McPuffy’s and Bad declares it McSkeppy’s now. Quackity takes the drive-through instead

- Quackity orders a BTS meal and Bad hands him a steak “with extra cruelty”

- He starts walking them all over to his country, asking them what their expectations are (Quackity talking to Bad at this point is non-canonical) Skeppy wants a lot of ducks

- Quackity falls into the Punzo Chunk

- He tells them that his country isn’t even near done, and he’s going to need a lot of cheap labor. Skeppy says it doesn’t sound very enticing, but Quackity says he’ll give him all the ducks he’d want. 

- Michael tells him about his experience with 2b2t

- Quackity shows him the concept of “the house always wins” (a picture of “Finding Doryto”)

- Quackity kills Skeppy and Skeppy logs off. Bad is horrified. Quackity tells Bad it isn’t his fault that Skeppy is dead as Bad buries Skeppy’s dropped things beneath the ground under the Needle

- Quackity shows the remaining people to the gambling machine, teaching them how it works

- Afterwards, he takes them to the strip club and starts stripping at the pole

- He takes Michael into the back, where he tries to mug Michael for his things. But Michael runs out the back door

- Quackity goes back to stripping and offers Bad to go into the back room for a “surprise.” He tries to mug Bad, but Bad goes running out the back door

- He returns to Puffy, defeated, and half-heartedly promises her a surprise in the back room too. Puffy, not at all suspicious, follows him and he tries to mug her. She gives him ink sacs, slabs, Ender Pearls and shears. 

He shows her out the back door

- Afterwards, Quackity takes the three of them to the Tommyinnit Restaurant 

- Then they go to the stage and Quackity puts on a “show” for them...

...Which is more stripping 

- Next up is the hotel. There’s nothing in it, so he takes them to the pool outside. Bad almost drowns

- He wants to show them “something embarrassing,” so he brings them to Tommy and Wilbur’s headquarters

- Quackity then shows them the Eiffel Tower to conclude the country tour and they argue about a trident

- He suggests Michael and Puffy possibly build some structures around Las Nevadas and gathers them at the Needle. He shows Michael the empty plot next to Fundy’s area and says he needs something put there in return for some free spins at the casino. Michael’s down for that

- Quackity tells Puffy and Bad to help Michael build there. Bad asks how much he’s getting paid, and Quackity says he gets free spins at the casino too. Bad and Puffy start arguing again and Quackity leaves, having gained a new worker

- Bad and Puffy continue to argue about the trident 

- Later, Michael builds a statue in Las Nevadas

END OF WEEK RECAP:

5/31 - Wilbur and Tommy visit Las Nevadas

6/1 - Ponk tears down a tower of L’Llamaburg, Tubbo builds an outpost, Techno’s birthday party, Quackity speaks with Foolish about Las Nevadas, Niki finds out about Wilbur’s revival, Bad and Puffy destroy the supreme fridge in an act of war

6/2 - Fundy speedruns self-care, Antfrost confronts Foolish, Bad and Puffy to apologize

6/3 - Nothing much happens.

6/4 - Ponk decides to sue Puffy and Bad, Pubbo

6/5 - Nothing much happens.

6/6 - Techno gets trapped in prison, Quackity tours Bad, Puffy, Skeppy and Michael around Las Nevadas

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Upcoming Events:

- The final Egg lore stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Ponk’s lore stream

- Dream’s lore video

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #129: Artoria Pendragon (Archer)

Today on Fate and Phantasms, our fun in the sun continues as we make yet another Artoria Pendragon. Geez, we’re over 100 builds in and they just keep coming. How many of you are there?

...Wow that’s a lot of clones.

Anyway, Artoria’s known for two things- the existential horror of existing in over a dozen places simultaneously, and now, her skill with water guns. I choose to believe those are connected somehow.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Summer lovin’, happened so fast!

Race and Background

Again, there’s nothing new here. You’re a Human, giving you +1 to all stats. You’re also a Knight, getting History and Persuasion proficiencies.

Ability Scores

Your Charisma was already pretty strong, and thanks to Summer helping you chill out a bit it’s only gotten stronger. Instead of focusing on Strength, your mana bursts now empower you Dexterity for greater speed and avoiding other player’s shots. You’ll also need some Wisdom to spot enemies lying in wait. Your Constitution hasn’t been changed much by your class change, but your Strength did take a hit as did your Intelligence. It’s Summer, the one time you don’t have to worry too much.

Class Levels

1. Sorcerer 1: Thanks to your ranged weapon specialization this time around, being a paladin is completely useless for us! The good news though is that we can finally take a moment to appreciate your Draconic Bloodline. As the descendent of a white dragon, you get abilities related to Cold damage later on. You also double your proficiency in charisma checks against dragons. Your Draconic Resilience makes your sorcerer hit dice slightly less terrible, and you get a permanent mage armor effect, making your AC 13 plus your dexterity modifier.

On top of that, you get proficiency in Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as two sorcerer skills- Intimidation and Religion. You can really put the fear of god into people.

You also get Spells you can cast using your Charisma. Grab Frostbite, Shape Water, and Ray of Frost for the opening salvo, Light so you can still make your sword all cool and glowy without God helping out, Expeditious Retreat for a bit of speed, and Charm Person because there aren’t that many first level spells I really like for you.

2. Warlock 1: You wouldn’t be King Arthur without Merlin hanging on like a hair in a biscuit, so let’s spend this time to make you a Archfey warlock again. This gives you a Fey Presence that lets you force Wisdom saves on creatures in a 10 foot cube (DC 8 + proficiency + dexterity modifier) or they become frightened/charmed by you for a round once per short rest. You are the king of the britons wielding a deadly weapon, but you’re also in a bikini, so either one works here.

You also get Pact Magic, another spell list that also uses your Charisma to cast. This spell slot doesn’t mix with your other spells, so just use the normal spell tables to figure out how many you have.

You get Friends for more charisma shenanigans, Eldritch Blast for a quick and easy water gun (it’s force instead of cold, but that just means you’re blasting them really hard). For first level spells, Armor of Agathys ensures you get water all over the place when you’re hit. I told you to put a towel down before you sat in the car, but noooo... You also get a Healing Elixir to create a healing potion. Nobody will judge you if you take a sip out of your water gun. Actually I just saw its color, everyone will judge you. But it’s still healing.

3. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get some Eldritch Invocations to customize your squirting experience. Lance of Lethargy makes your Eldritch Blasts slow down enemies when they hit once per turn by making their socks a bit squishier. Most people would call it rude to attack someone with a squirt gun when they’re clearly not ready, but you call it strategy. Like usual, we’re saving the other one for level 3.

You also get Protection from Evil and Good, because even if you’re not a paladin officially, you still gotta get some of the holy flavor in there.

4. Warlock 3: You’ve probably figured it out already, but your pact boon is the Pact of the Blade, allowing you to create a magical melee weapon as an action. Thanks to your Improved Pact Weapon, you can also make it a crossbow, if you really want an actual water gun. Regardless of its form it gets +1 to attacks and damage. You’re limited to two-handed crossbows though, so you won’t be able to dual-wield a gun and sword like in your NP.

You can also cast Calm Emotions, to cool down your allies and enemies alike with a little playful water. Don’t mix this up with your killing people water, that’s an easy mistake to make.

5. Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic giving you a number of sorcery points equal to your sorcerer level each long rest. Right now you can use them to recharge spell slots, or vice versa. This gets more interesting next level.

You can also cast Magic Missile now! it might not be cold damage, but it is very accurate.

6. Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers can use their sorcery points for Metamagic, adding extra effects to their spells. Right now you get two options, Distant Spell doubles the range of spells that involve attack rolls, making your water guns fire on par with most bows. Empowered Spell allows you to re-roll damage dice on your spell for some extra pumps before firing. Both of these cost 1 point.

You also learn how to fire a little wildly thanks to Snilloc’s Snowball Storm, launching cold damage in a 5 foot radius, dealing full damage to creatures who fail a dexterity save (DC 8+proficiency+charisma) or half as much if they succeed.

7. Sorcerer 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to round up your Dexterity and Constitution scores for better weapon attacks, a higher AC, and more health and concentration.

Your next cantrip is Blade Ward in case you miss raging, and you can cast Alter Self to give yourself a swim speed and water breathing. There’s other uses, but you can just ignore these.

8. Warlock 4: You get another ASI right away, so use this to become an Elemental Adept. Your spells now ignore resistance to cold damage, and all dice rolled for damage count as at least 2. Your water blitz skills grow by the day.

You can also Create Bonfire for a cookout after the match, or take a Misty Step for some extra speed.

9. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells, and Spirit Shroud will allow you to add extra cold damage to your closeup attacks, and make your surroundings a bit more slippery for enemies.

You also get the invocation Eldritch Smite. Just because you aren’t a paladin doesn’t mean you can’t hit like one.

10. Sorcerer 5: Your Magical Guidance lets you spend a sorcery point to re-roll a failed ability check, because being a protagonist means never having to say “I got a nat 1.”

You can also cast Water Walk at this level to walk on water. This is more in-character than alter self, use this instead.

11. Sorcerer 6: You now have an Elemental Affinity for cold damage, adding your charisma modifier to cold damage caused by spells. When you deal damage with such a spell, you can also spend a sorcery point to gain resistance to cold damage. You’re probably the only person in the party in a bathing suit, water shouldn’t be an issue for you.

You can also cast Haste now for even more extra speed and eldritch blasts.

12. Sorcerer 7: Seventh level sorcerers get fourth level spells such as Stoneskin. We’re not spending levels on barbarian this build either, but that doesn’t mean you should miss out.

13. Sorcerer 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for stronger and more damaging spells. You also get Watery Sphere this level. I don’t have a way to flavor this as a watergun technique, but there’s only so many cold spells so we can’t be picky.

14. Warlock 6: As a sixth level feylock you speed up a lot thanks to your Misty Escape. As a reaction to taking damage, you can turn invisible and teleport up to 60 feet away, once per short rest.

You can also cast Blink to become fast enough to be completely unhittable. At the end of each turn, you’ll have a 50/50 shot of vanishing into the ethereal plane. You’ll pop back in at the start of your next turn, or if the spell ends.

15. Warlock 7: Your final spell is the fourth level Elemental Bane, forcing a constitution save on a target creature. If they fail, the first time they take cold damage each turn they take extra damage as well, and lose resistance to the damage type. (It also works on other types of damage, but... come on.) You also have a Thirsting Blade, allowing you to attack twice with your pact weapon each turn.

16. Sorcerer 9: At ninth level your aim starts getting really wonky, turning your watergun into a Cone of Cold. It’s a cone, it’s cold. It forces a constitution save.

17. Sorcerer 10: With another metamagic option you get Twinned Spell, allowing for double the blasts at once.

If you really wanted to, you could cast True Strike. Or you could do something productive with your turn and go with Far Step, giving you teleportation as a bonus action each turn the spell stays up.

18. Sorcerer 11: Your sixth level spell gives you the nicest bikini magic can make, the Investiture of Ice. This outfit makes you Immune to Cold damage and resistant to fire damage, causes the area around you to become difficult terrain, and you can create cold blasts as an action, dealing cold damage and further reducing the speed of anything that gets caught in it and fails a constitution save.

19. Sorcerer 12: Last ASI, bump up your Dexterity. More AC, better weapon fighting, yadda yadda.

20. Sorcerer 13: Your capstone level nets you a seventh level spell, Plane Shift. I’m not entirely sure where that place you do your noble phantasm is located, but I’d bet the elemental plane of water will make a great substitute.

Pros:

Sorcerers are good blasters, and you show that off nicely. With haste and a quickened spell you can fire off three supercharged cantrips per round, or the powerful eldritch blast. Or, you can use other spells like Spirit Shroud or Elemental Bane to push your spell damage even higher.

Thanks to all that ice and water you’re sporting you’re great at slowing down creatures, controlling the tide of battle by controlling the tide.

Compounding on that, you’re pretty mobile thanks to those teleportation spells to pop you around the battlefield, making you a real nuisance to pin down.

Cons:

All three of those pros mostly rely on concentration spells, meaning you’ll have to pick which one you’re good at at any one time. You also run the risk of wasting spell slots by dropping them since we spent all your ASIs on feats and attack stats instead of constitution.

We got a lot out of multiclassing into warlock, but we also lost a lot, especially in regards to sorcery points. It’s a good thing you’re good a blasting, because you’re not good at extended fights.

If you could focus on either your sword or your water gun, you’d have a much easier time squeezing yourself into 20 levels. You dual wield though, so we have to split our attention.

[duhragonball]

Krillin for the character ask :)

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: It’d be easy for me to say “he’s just a good dude” and leave it at that.   I think people would agree with that statement, but I think it runs deeper than that.   The thing that stuck with me about Krillin was when I was checking out the bonus features on the Movie 6 DVD I bought in 2002 or whenever, and they had an interview with Sonny Strait where he explained that Krillin only got into martial arts to impress girls, and that was the same reason Sonny got into voice acting.    Maybe I’m misremembering that, but it always stuck with me.   

Krillin wants things out of life, and unlike a lot of the other characters, he’s not looking to get them by wishing on a magic dragon.   He wants to become worthy of the things he wants, and he may not always be sure of how to get there, he knows that he has to become more than he is.  

Recently, I’ve been seeing excerpts from Barack Obama’s book, where he talks about reading up on subjects to try, unsuccessfully, to get girls to like him in college.    I think the idea was that he was trying to be self-effacing, but it hasn’t gone over very well.  I’m not sure if the problem was that he wasn’t being self-effacing enough, or if there’s something more sinister about reading Karl Marx just in case it helps your odds of getting noticed.    I’m not going to wade into that controversy, except to say that it reminded me of Krillin.  

Is it shallow to have self-serving reasons to improve yourself?   Did I just answer my own question?   The point I’m making here is that it’s a useful motivator.    Krillin has self-esteem issues, and he joined the Orin Temple and then Kame House to try to overcome them.   He thought “If I just get really good at this one thing, then people will like me.”   And we can say “Oh, no, it doesn’t work that way, Krillin, people like you because you’re a such a good person, and besides, it doesn’t matter how good you are at martial arts.”  

Okay, fine, let’s assume that’s true, and Krillin deceived himself by training in martial arts.    Oh no!   He put in all that work, and all he got out of it was... being the strongest human on Earth.   Shoot.    He made himself a better person for nothing.

The reality is that I don’t think he would be as well-liked if he hadn’t gone down this road, simply because people wouldn’t have gotten to know him.   That’s really what it’s about.   It’s easy to say that you’re liked for “who you are on the inside”, but what people really want is to be noticed long enough to be liked for who they are.    And sometimes you gotta take a long look at yourself and say “I need to do something to grab people’s attention.”

And sometimes, in order to motivate yourself into that kind of work, you have to play that trick on yourself.    “Just think, if I put in those extra reps in the gym, the ladies’ll be all over me!”   And it never actually happens, but it gets you through that workout, and the next, and the next, and the next.  

I think we can all relate to that.   I’m writing this because three people asked me to, and I’m sort of hoping a few more will see it and like what I wrote.   I try to get better, because I like the rush of validation that comes with it.   And if I don’t get it, well, boo-hoo, I wrote a few hundred words about Krillin, a subject I enjoy writing about.   It’s a no-lose situation, and there’s some non-zero chance that attractive single women might see this and decide to slide into my DMs.    It’s a tiny chance, hardly worth mentioning, but it’s a lot higher than if I just sit in my apartment and stare at the wall.   

Why I don’t: Ocean Dub Krillin really rubbed me the wrong way, because they wrote and voice directed the character to be really nebbishy.   That wouldn’t necessarily make him a bad character, but it definitely conflicted with what you see on the screen, where he’s stepping to Nappa, Vegeta, Dodoria, and everything else he has to deal with.    Once Sonny got the role, everything turned out cool.  Mondo cool, if you will.

I suppose I should point out the flip side of what I wrote above.  Krillin’s so focused on being worthy that he fails to recognize his achievements.   That’s admirable in its way, but it also makes you worry about the guy.    Like, he knows 18 is crazy about him, right?   Wait, does Obama know people like him?   Do I?  Oh I might have made myself sad there for a minute, excuse me.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Probably the moment he tries to take on Super Buu all by himself.   One of the cool things about Krillin is that he’s taken on every major villain from Piccolo Junior to Buu, despite being outclassed.    I think the Super Buu thing is the best one, though, because in that situation there’s literally no chance of anyone jumping in to save him.    His entire plan is to hold off Buu for a few seconds and maybe buy a few minutes for the others. He’s doomed and he knows it won’t even work as a diversion, but he still jumps in anyway.    It proves that this is who he is.    When there’s literally no one left to impress, and nothing left to gain, he’ll still play things out the same way.  

Favorite season/movie: The Androids/Cell Saga is probably his best material overall, just because of his conflicted feelings regarding 18, and the difficult choices he makes because of that.   You can make a strong case for the Namek Saga, where it’s literally just Krillin and Bulma and Gohan, so he has to take the lead by default, but I’m just not that into the Namek Saga.

Favorite line:

This is really more from one of the video games.   I think Budokai 3, but I’m not sure.   Piccolo demands custody of Gohan and Krillin’s like “No way, you’re probably gonna eat him or something!” and I’m pretty sure this wasn’t in the Ocean Dub, so it completely caught me off-guard, like it was the last thing I expected Krillin to say.   And then Piccolo comes back with “I’m not going to eat him!”  like he’s offended at the very suggestion.   As a runner-up, I dig that part in DBZA 54, where Trunks and Vegeta are both reeling from their losses to Perfect Cell, and Krillin reminds them that they don’t have to posture around him, because it’s just him... “Krillin.    Everyone’s friend.”

Favorite outfit: That’s easy.

Yeah, the Frieza Soldier armor looked mighty good on this dude, and the cop uniform does too, and the classic Turtle Hermit outfit is a signature look, but this, right here, is the Krillin for me.    My man’s got the blue shirt under his orange shirt.    No more of the Yamcha slipppers.   Those look great on Yamcha, don’t get me wrong, but Krillin needs those big chunky Goku boots, because they’re perfect for stomping those pesky girlfriend-exploding remotes.   Fellas, this is the ideal male body.    You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.   

OTP: Maron HAHAHAHAHAHA oh wow.   No. It’s 18, obviously.

Brotp: Clearly Goku is his bro, but it’s not surprising at all how effortlessly he gets along with just about everyone else.   He’s bros with the entire world.

Head Canon: I’m pretty sure the Maron/Marron thing was just a coincidence in real life.   Maron the girlfriend was a filler character, and Marron the daughter was introduced in the manga some time later, and both used the same naming convention to end up in the same place.   However, I choose to believe that Krillin actually named his kid after his ex, and he somehow convinced 18 to go along with that idea.   

By that, I don’t mean he had to sweet talk her into it or promise a bunch of stuff in exchange.    I mean he must have discussed what to name their kid, and 18 was like “Your ex-girlfriend?   Seriously?” and he was like “Yeah, I know she’s a ditz, but you gotta understand I was in a really low place and she helped me through it.”   Or something like that, where once he lays out the whole reason 18′s like “Yeah, you know what?   Okay.” 

Or maybe Maron helped deliver the baby or something.   Or she was the surrogate mother?   Holy shit I might be onto something.

Unpopular opinion: Krillin clanks when he walks, due to the solid brass balls he’s got.

A wish: They should do a movie where Krillin just fights Frieza and wins.   Decisively, undisputably, irrevocably.   Krillin is stronger than Frieza from that point forward.    I don’t care if that means nerfing Frieza or godmodding Krillin, but I just want it made plain that if they use Frieza from here on, it has to be with the understanding that Krillin can whip his ass at any time.  

That might sound silly, and I guess it is, but you see what this accomplishes, right?   It forces Frieza into a new character dynamic, so it’s not just the same old shit with him.    Or Toei collectively admits that they can’t use him anymore, which was what they should have decided in 1995.   I’m fine either way.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Don’t grow his hair back, okay? 

5 words to best describe them: Qualified to sell real estate.

My nickname for them: The Kriller.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 6: Why so Blue? (originally published on January 11, 2021)

Author's Note: This is one chapter I've been excited to write. In my opinion, Lapis is my favorite character because aside from having cool powers and being pretty, I also relate to her a lot because I've been through a lot of suffering like her. Though thankfully, I wasn't caught up in warfare, trapped in a mirror for thousands of years, and finally released only to be trapped in a walking, talking abusive relationship under the sea; just some standard bullying by people who love pushing my buttons, being framed for something I obviously didn't do that forced me to drop out of my first high school following first semester of freshman year. But enough about my life story, onto my #1 Gem waifu!

Synopsis: Steven and Lapis try to confront a pair of Lapises that continue terraforming worlds.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Jennifer Paz as Lapis Lazuli, Mean Lapis, Nice Lapis

Amy Sedaris as Blue Zircon

--

"Thanks for the help Lapis." Steven thanked Lapis Lazuli as they planted some new flowers in his conservatory. "These blue hyacinth flowers really tie the place together."

"You're welcome, Steven," Lapis replied with a smile. "Peridot helped me pick these out from the greenhouse. You know, it's funny. The two of us didn't get along at first, me more than Peridot to be honest, but thanks to you, we're basically inseparable."

"Aw shucks Lapis, was nothing." Steven blushed, just as the communication console nearby began to light up. "Hang on, I think this one's for me."

When Steven turned it on, a particular Gem who he barely got to know greeted him. "Oh hey, you're that Zircon from my trial! How are things?"

"Going pretty good." The defense Zircon answered. "Ever since the other Zircon and I were unbubbled at the start of Era 3, we've left our lawyer days behind in favor of politics. With the Diamonds essentially no longer in power, Homeworld had decided to turn to democracy when the caste system was dissolved."

"It's nice to hear some more good news," Lapis interjected. "but why did you call us?"

"Oh yes, that." Blue Zircon realized before she conjured up a hologram with her monocle. "Rumor has it that despite the caste system's end, there are at least two Gems who continue to terraform regardless of the end of colonization. Last we heard, they were busy remodeling the former Blue Diamond colony Aozul 2."

"Wait, terraform?" Lapis said with surprise at the mention of her old duties. "Are they other Lapis Lazulis by any chance?"

"Yes, that is why I contacted you today." Blue Zircon continued explaining. "Why do you ask?"

"I think I might remember them from when I was a terraformer." Lapis revealed, before she turned to the Warp Pad. "That's why I'm coming with you, Steven."

"Alright then." Steven agreed. "Who knows? Maybe we can get them to come to Little Homeschool."

"I'm not too sure about that, Steven." Lapis nervously replied before they stepped on the Warp Pad and activated it, taking off for Aozul 2.

--

On the other Warp Pad that dropped Steven and Lapis off was Aozul 2, a gorgeous-looking moon orbiting a yellow planet thriving with unique wildlife. Though the pair was amazed by the nature around them, they still had a mission to do.

"Let's not get distracted, this may not take long." Steven said as he stepped off the Pad. "Most Gems come around pretty quickly when I invite them to Little Homeworld in person."

"What a beautiful place." Lapis muttered in awe, distracting her from the strange little native creature they almost stepped on. "Wait!"

Looking down, Steven and Lapis found a cute flower bud-like alien with its petals opened up. "Whoa, thanks for the save Lapis." Steven thanked his blue buddy before kneeling to pet the creature. "Hey, little buddy."

The creature closed its petals in fright and raced into a nearby bush, making more of its kind nervously emerge in front of Steven. "It's okay Flower Buddies." He chuckled at his name for the creatures as they began to crawl all over him, now no longer seeing the boy as a danger. "Haha, whoa now!"

"Wow, Steven, it took you all of five seconds to make a new friend. You must be getting rusty." Lapis commented as she approached the Flower Buddy resting in Steven's arms and began to pet it gently. "You know, I used to never notice creatures like this. Before arriving on Earth, I used to not think twice about terraforming, never taking a moment to appreciate what I was destroying." The Buddy smiled at Lapis and began to open its petals for her as well. "Life is so precious. And these guys remind me of Pumpkin in particular."

The other Buddies began to blossom, only to just as quickly close up their petals as the silhouette of a figure similar to Lapis zoomed over them.

"Uh, Steven?" Lapis brought her friend's attention to the figures flying around and conjuring up water to cause untold chaos upon Aozul 2.

After putting the Flower Buddy down, Steven made his way to the edge of a cliff to get a better look at the pair. From what he could gather, one of the Lapides had her gemstone on her stomach, darker colored skin and hair than the one he knew, the hair was done up in a ponytail, and had gold-colored freckles on her cheeks. The other Lapis had her gem on her shoulder, light azure skin, and medium-blue curly hair.

"So, the rumors were true." Steven wondered as the pair of Lapises continued their path of destruction, laughing all the way.

"You think that Zircon called us because they didn't get your message?" Lapis asked Steven while gazing upon the terraformers' progress.

"I'm sure they did." Steven replied assuredly. "Everyone did, but I'll try and get them to stop."

"This may be harder than you think." Lapis added as her fellow Lazulis flew closer to the pair, using their powers to cut a massive rock in half and terrifying the Flower Buddies.

"Hey, stop!" Steven called to the blue Gems, who reacted to their work's sudden intrusion by preparing to launch a massive tidal wave at the pair. Steven was ready however, and defended himself and Lapis with his shield.

"Wait, that's Steven Universe!" the ponytailed Lapis cried as she grabbed her partner's arm. "And is that who I think it is with him?"

"He's smaller than I thought." The curly-haired Lapis replied when she came to the same realization as her fellow Lazuli. "No way!"

"You guys!" Lapis squealed in delight, causing the other two to cheer happily as well. "Oh my gosh, it's been ages!" she yelled as the two Lapises raced down to hug her. "I haven't seen you two since I was sent down to Earth!"

"Wait, you all know each other?" Steven asked the three terraformers.

"Yeah, we go way back with ol' 3E8C-4XF here." The stomach gem Lapis remarked. "That's her facet and cut, by the way. I'm 2F8D-9ZE, and Curls here is 1J9G-5KL."

"Yeah, the three of us were an unstoppable terraforming trio back in the day." 1J9G-5KL snidely explained with a flip of her hair. "Tearing planets apart, taking names, and looking cool while doing it!"

"But then I was given a solo mission to Earth, which was how I got caught up in the Rebellion, and here we are." Lapis continued for her old friends.

"We're just so glad you're okay!" 2F8D-9ZE exclaimed happily. "So anyway, what do you think? We're just about almost done with this world. Exemplary work, no?"

"And we don't need the extra help." 1J9G-5KL said meanly. "So it was nice catching up, but please, ta-ta."

"Look, we came here because you gotta stop." Steven explained to the Lapides. "The Diamonds don't control you anymore. Didn't you get my message?"

"Yeah, we did." Freckles nodded.

"So, you don't have to terraform for them anymore." Steven continued. "You're free to do whatever you want now! In fact, we want to offer you the chance to come learn at Little Homescho-"

"Oh, so this is all some big misunderstanding?" Freckles interrupted Steven.

"This has got to be a joke." Curls rolled her eyes. "Like, terraforming is what we like to do, and now you're saying we shouldn't do it anymore?!"

"Oh, here we go." Lapis groaned. "1J9G was always pretty passionate about her work."

"You're getting it wrong." Steven tried to ease the tension. "You can do whatever you like! As long as nothing gets destroyed and nobody gets hurt."

"That's not what you said a sec ago!" Curls pointed out. Freckles tried to speak, but Curls shushed her by forcing her mouth shut with a finger. "Are you listening to yourself right now?"

"Why should we stop?" Freckles lowered Curls' finger to ask.

"Because it's wrong!" Lapis answered, becoming irritated with her former partners' behavior.

"Wait, wait, wait." Freckles said, gesturing to the destruction she and Curls caused. "How can what we were made to do suddenly be soo-oo taboo now? At least let us get back to work, we're almost done with Aozul 2 here!"

"Team huddle?" Steven nervously muttered to Lapis.

"Team huddle." Lapis replied, slowly retreating into the cobalt-leafed forest away from the other Lapides. "We'll be back with you in a bit, girlfriends."

--

"You're right. This is harder than usual." Steven said to Lapis as they hid in the bushes.

"You've gotta force them to stop." Lapis suggested while spying on her old friends from the foliage. "This is definitely gonna be a fight. They're not nice like what I became. 1J9G was always the alpha of our little trio, ordering us around and treating lower-ranked Gems like trash. 2F8D, on the other hand was more of the follower, as loyal to 1J9G as a Pearl is to their Diamond. I, on the other hand, was essentially the third wheel, mostly existing to follow along with them."

"So you guys were basically high school mean girls?" Steven compared Lapis's former situation to fiction. "Did any of you play the Gem version of croquet in your spare time, or wear pink on Wednesdays?"

"This is nothing like those movies, Steven." Lapis stated.

"Well maybe like those girls in the movies, they just don't know what they're doing isn't nice." Steven tried to assure his azure friend. "You get it, what made things click for you?"

"A cycle of horrible torture that I came close to repeating myself." Lapis gravely answered, much to Steven's fright. "But also like, living in nature and making meep morps."

"Yeah, that's it!" Steven cheered quietly. "Come on, we can do that for them."

"C'mon, not even a little torture?" Lapis asked while squeezing her hands together.

"No torture, just the other stuff." Steven decided against any lethal force before he and Lapis returned to the water Gems.

--

"Geez, what's taking those two so long?" the Mean Lapis asked impatiently while waiting for Steven and her fellow Lapis to return.

"I'm starting to get wet here." The Nice Lapis added, prompting her curly-haired buddy to turn to her with a raised eyebrow of disbelief. "I'm trying to make it a catchphrase. It depends on the context, in this case, I'm getting bored."

"Well, I urge you not to make that happen." 1J9G commanded, just as Steven and Lapis finally reemerged from the bushes, waving to them while walking backwards. "Oh, look who finally decided to come back."

"Okay, we've come to a decision." Steven declared. "Why don't we show you fun things you can do on Earth other than causing mass destruction?"

"Should we listen to him?" 1J9G asked 2F8D.

"He's only half-Diamond, so maybe we should half-listen to him." 2F8D suggested.

"I'll take that as a yes." Steven answered, trying to hide his eye twitching at being called a mere half-Diamond, before taking the two terraformers into the forest. "Let's go."

--

Once within the extraterrestrial woods, Steven began to show the Lapides around, trying to get them to appreciate the beauty of nature. "It's a beautiful day here. Fresh air, pretty trees, peaceful wildlife. Any life-changing epiphanies yet?"

"It's so bright." 2F8D observed as she gazed directly into the sun.

"No duh, Too-Eff." 1J9G rudely replied while poking on a leaf with a stick. "I only prefer two colors, rocks and mud. Right?"

"Well, I have to admit," 2F8D said as she continued looking at the sun. "that sun is a real pretty shade of-"

"I said, right 2F8D?" 1J9G cut her friend off.

"Uh yeah, rocks and mud!" 2F8D laughed nervously, her pupils rapidly darting around while holding her hands behind her back.

"I understand you don't see the beauty with this, but I know you will with time, girls." Lapis said. "There was a time where I didn't appreciate organic life as well, much like you guys. But I learned of how beautiful it can be. Maybe you can try something like this."

Gazing at the small puddle of mud in front of her, Lapis began to conjure up a strange shape from the wet dirt.

"This is what we call art, or in Lapis's terms, a meep morp." Steven demonstrated. "And it can be made out whatever you want to be, whether it be nature or just random junk you find lying around."

"So you can do whatever you want with your powers," 1J9G asked. "but you choose to make junk."

"It doesn't have to be like that." Lapis answered, continuing to toy with the mud. "You can make anything with a little imagination."

As an example, Lapis shifted the mud to take the form of a lawnchair for Steven to sit on, along with a drink and sunglasses. When Steven drank out of the mud-made cup, he immediately spat it out.

"So lifelike, I almost forgot!" Steven exclaimed in realization as the mud fell apart.

"That's it?" 1J9G muttered with a tilt of her head.

"It's more satisfying than you think it is." Lapis claimed. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

"But what can we make?" 2F8D asked, scratching her chin as she examined the wilderness around them.

"Didn't you listen, dummy?" 1J9G responded while conjuring up some water. "They said we could make anything!"

"Right, anything!" 2F8D said as the two turned the water into the shape of a ball. "I totally knew that."

"That's it!" Lapis cheered for her former friends. "Try making some other shapes, it can be anything you want!"

The Lapides listened as they made the water ball grow spikes before flattening it into a sawblade that they tossed in-between Steven & Lapis, cutting down a mountain behind them in two.

"Wow, you just made our jobs easier!" 1J9G cackled and pointed at the fallen rock behind the two Crystal Gems.

"We'll have this planet cleaned up in no time!" 2F8D agreed with a laugh.

"Steven, this isn't working." Lapis muttered fearfully, prompting Steven to try something else.

"Looks like you two still have some energy to let out." Steven laughed. "Maybe you should try something more physical, like dancing!"

"Dance?" 1J9G wondered while Steven pulled out his phone. "And what is that thing in your hand?"

"Just watch us." Steven stated as he turned on some funky music for he and Lapis to dance to on his phone, as another demonstration to the Lapides. Although 1J9G was unimpressed, she noticed 2F8D starting to get into the groove as she swayed her arms from side to side.

Steven and Lapis took this as a breakthrough and continued dancing to the music, but then their gems started to glow by complete accident. "WHOA!" they exclaimed in unison, stopping their dance to keep the glowing down.

"Almost fused there, Lapis." Steven chuckled.

"Yeah, wouldn't want a repeat of Peridot." Lapis replied.

"Uh, who's Peridot?" 1J9G asked while ordering 2F8D to stop dancing with a mean look.

"Only Lapis's best friend!" Steven exclaimed with a hand on his Lapis's shoulder.

"Yeah, you can meet all types of people on Earth, humans and Gems." Lapis said. "Peridot and I got off on the wrong foot because when we first met, I was basically her hostage in an invasion of Earth." She continued explaining. "But over time, we grew closer thanks to Steven's influence and even had our own home in this little barn, but then due to circumstances I'd rather not get into at the moment, we just kinda drifted apart for a bit. We did eventually get back together, but when Little Homeschool first started, we unfortunately didn't have as much time to enjoy our shared inter-"

Before Lapis could finish, the other Lapises started laughing. "Really, you and a low-class Gem like a Peridot?!" 1J9G guffawed, forcing the primary Lapis to scowl at the pair.

"What's next, an Aquamarine fusing with a Ruby?!" 2F8D let out a loud wheeze.

"Funny story, actually." Steven began, but 1J9G cut him off.

"Look, we don't wanna hear anymore, kid." The Lapis snarked. "We know you want to do what's best for everyone or some stupid stuff like that, but we decided on what's best for us, and that's terraforming." She stated. "Now, please, run along back to your little school before you make me slap your face off."

"Geez, Jay-Nine, no need to threaten him like that." 2F8D tried to convince her pal otherwise.

"He's threatening our way of life, you clod!" 1J9G yelled at 2F8D, who reflexively knelt and cowered. "If you think a little kid like him is right, then why don't you come with them?"

"Gee, 2F8D has real bad taste in friends." Steven whispered to Lapis.

"It's like I said, One-Jay really liked to order us around." Lapis replied. "She also really doesn't like it whenever what she says gets questioned."

"Now, if you'll excuse us 3E8C," 1J9G finally said while turning away from her belligerent friend. "we're gonna go back to work, so no more interruptions."

"Y-yeah, let's get back to it!" 2F8D meekly added.

Ironically, the pair was stopped from flying away when Lapis finally spoke up. "I get it." She said to her old friends. "All this won't make you feel good right away, maybe not even at all. You guys are just afraid of change after thousands of years doing one thing, but they can help you navigates new ways of feeling. If you aren't into dancing, maybe singing would be more your speed."

Lapis prepared to demonstrate, but then she started hesitating for a bit. But thanks to some encouragement from Steven, she worked up the bravery and finally started to sing. "Oooo-ooo-oooh, why so bluuuu-uuuu-uuue? So many shades of sorrow got mixed into my hue." Lapis began. "And each new moment just astounds me, so much I wanna do. I finally feel my colors shining through."

The other Lapides began following their former friend as she gazed into her reflection in a puddle. "I'm tired of the fighting, I'm tired of the blame." Lapis continued as she reminisced on her struggles. "That mirror was a prison, and fusion was the same. What's with these new sensations that suddenly appear?! Deep as the roaring ocean, free as the atmosphere!"

Racing away from the puddle, Lapis excitedly pushed back some leaves to show her ex-partners more of Aozul 2's beauty as her song reached its high point. "Oooo-ooo-oooh, why so bluuuu-uuuu-uuue? So many different reasons, but are they really true?" Lapis began to finish as she knelt to watch the Flower Buddies surrounding her. "I wanna keep on going, wanna be right here with you. I'd love to see your colors shining throoooo-ooough." The Buddy that made its territory in Lapis's lap then blossomed for her. "I'd love to see your colors shining through."

Despite what Steven and Lapis believed the song would do, 1J9G laughed mockingly at her, and 2F8D was ordered to do the same with a poke to the elbow. "You really expect us to dance and sing like we're Pearls?!" 1J9G said derisively. "Look, Steven Universe, you already got 3E8C doing it for you! I mean, did you make her like this, or was she this much of a loser?!"

"You never bothered to ask what I liked back in the day!" Lapis angrily said before her curly-bobbed ex-friend grabbed her by the shirt collar.

"Listen 3E8C," 1J9G commanded Lapis just as angrily. "you and that so-called Diamond are going to leave this planet so we can get back to doing what we want to do, not be reconditioned into following everything you say with a dumb song! End, of, discussion."

"You don't have to be so cruel!" Steven yelled at 1J9G. "And you don't have to be such a horrible friend ei-"

"Did I stutter?" 1J9G continued as she glared daggers at Steven before turning away from him. "Come on 2F8D, let's get back to work."

"Yeah, see ya." 2F8D replied and said farewell to Steven before they flew off. "It was wet seeing you again 3E8C!"

"CONTEXT!" 1J9G yelled.

Steven was just about ready to give up, but Lapis just started angrily as her fellow Lapides got back to terraforming. "That's it!" she declared. "I've had enough of you two!"

"But, you promised we wouldn't fight!" a worried Steven reminded Lapis.

"If we had done this my way, we could've gotten this done way earlier!" Lapis replied before she flew up to her former friends. "Hey girls, that's enough!"

"Oh, look who it is." 1J9G grinned sneakily.

"You finally come to give us a hand?" 2F8D asked.

"You could say that." Lapis smiled before she spawned a pair of water hands from below, and used them to flick 1J9G and 2F8D away.

"Did she just do that?" 2F8D said, recoiling from the attack.

"Yeah, she did." 1J9G replied as she got an idea. "So, you can make hands, huh?" she said as she and her beleaguered partner formed a water hand of their own. "Okay if we try?"

The giant hand slapped Lapis away towards Steven, who summoned his shield to catch her and protect himself from the water. "Lapis," Steven cried. "are you okay?"

"I'm okay, just stay out of this!" Lapis demanded Steven before she flew back up and sprouted another pair of water wings that she turned into fists. "DORARARARARARARARARARARARA!" She yelled while unleashing her fury on 1J9G. "DORA!"

1J9G was thrust out of the sky and almost crashed onto the ground, until 2F8D caught her with a water hand.

"You alright?" 2F8D said sympathetically.

"I'm fine, you big baby." 1J9G growled and rubbed her head just as Lapis tried to restrain the two with chains made of water, but were nimbly dodged. "Water chains?"

"You really need to stop teaching us these wet new things!" 2F8D giggled, invoking another angry glare from 1J9G, before they created chains of their own to restrain Lapis and pin her to the cliff face.

"Lapis!" Steven cried for his Beach Summer Fun Buddy.

"We really gotta hand it to you." 2F8D said. "This new stuff you're showing us isn't actually useless."

Once again, the Lapides created a sawblade. But this time, instead of chopping a mountain in two, they had darker intentions for it. The blade was tossed straight at the seemingly powerless Lapis, and Steven couldn't help but watch.

"OH NO!" Steven yelled. But suddenly, the saw stopped right in front of Lapis's face and was reduced back into droplets as the earth shook around everyone. Water from all around began to surround her, washing over the other terraformers along the way as Lapis formed a massive watery figure wielding a harpoon around her.

"WHO'S DULL NOW?!" Lapis boomed, terrifying 2F8D into hugging 1J9G for protection while Lapis prepared to land the killing blow. "WHO'S PITIFUL NOW?!"

However, when Lapis turned to Steven with a sadistic grin, his disappointed expression made her realize what she's become. After the water figure fell apart, Lapis returned to the cliff's edge in exhaustion.

"You okay?" Steven asked while having one of the Flower Buddies in his arms.

"I'm fine." Lapis answered as the Buddy jumped into her embrace. "Sorry about losing control there."

As the water receded, the Lapides sat there stunned as Steven and Lapis flew down to face them.

"It's over now." Lapis declared to her ex-friends. "No more fighting. Okay?"

"Fine by me." 1J9G said with a smirk.

"Yeah, that was so wet back there!" 2F8D smiled earnestly, with Lapis giving her a confused stare this time.

"And no more terraforming too. Promise?" Lapis suggested.

"Oh, we'll do anything you say now!" 2F8D exclaimed cheerfully.

"After that ridiculous show of strength, we're at your command!" 1J9G added.

"No, that wasn't strength!" Lapis said hotly. "That was weakness! Patience takes strength; restraint takes strength!" Before Lapis could finish, she just decided to stop and walked away. "And I don't have the strength to deal with you anymore."

Before he could follow Lapis, Steven fished some brochures from his jacket pocket that he handed to the Lapides. "Here, have some Little Homeschool brochures. In case you change your mind." He offered before walking off after her.

--

After Steven and Lapis left Aozul 2, 1J9G and 2F8D sat on a rock reading through the brochures Steven gave them. While 2F8D was growing interested in the opportunities Little Homeschool had for her, 1J9G wasn't amused.

"So what, it's not just dancing and singing like Pearls?" 1J9G complained. "We have to do all this other junk too? This totally goes against what we were made for!"

"Yeah, but as Steven said, we can do whatever we want now!" 2F8D exclaimed as she pointed at some of the activities. "Like, gardening, for example! Isn't that wet?"

"Stop trying to make 'wet' happen!" 1J9G yelled. "It's never going to happen!"

After having her attempts at a catchphrase ruined, 2F8D clenched her fist and worked up some courage to tell her so-called friend the truth. "Hey, Little Homeschool also gives us opportunities to make new friends outside of our old castes. And I mean actual friends, not Gems who relentlessly pick on you for the stupidest of things."

"Is this about our bond?" 1J9G growled. "I'm totally your friend! I just have a different way of expressing it!"

"Yeah, well, Steven treats 3E8C with some level of respect and kindness!" 2F8D argued back. "You ever heard of either of those terms before?"

"This isn't funny Two-Eff." 1J9G growled. "We are not going to that stupid school. And you will stick with me, no matter what! End. Of. Discussion!"

However, 1J9G realized a bit too late that 2F8D had already left her, and was already racing to the Warp Pad with one of the Flower Buddies under her arm.

"Sorry One-Jay, but I'm going off to learn how to be nice to people!" 2F8D said rapidly before the Warp Pad took her away from Aozul 2. "OKAY, BYYYYYEEE!"

And so, 1J9G was left utterly alone on the blue-colored moon. Alone and positively furious. As she began angrily chopping down trees with her powers, a black dropship slowly dropped into Aozul's atmosphere.

--

Night fell by the time Steven and Lapis finally returned to Little Homeschool. Still guilty for giving in to her anger, Lapis sat forlornly on the Warp Pad, only for Steven to seat himself next to her.

"I wish I hadn't done that." Lapis moaned. "They just reminded me so much of myself, and how I acted in the past. All high and mighty with no regard for anyone but myself."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up." Steven gave his blue friend a comforting smile. "You've grown a lot since I first broke you out of that mirror, but everything takes time. It's not your fault those two are still stuck in their ways."

As Lapis smiled back, the Warp Pad activated once again. This time, 2F8D stood behind them, and a Flower Buddy peeked from behind her. "Hey, is this that school you were talking about?" 2F8D asked sheepishly. "One-Jay and I had a disagreement, so now I want to learn what real friends are like."

The Flower Buddy stepped up from behind 2F8D and nuzzled itself on Lapis's leg. "I also brought this little guy along as a way of saying sorry." 2F8D continued. "Hope you like him."

"I love him." Lapis said as she picked the Buddy up. "Thanks Zuli."

"Zuli?" the Lapis now known as Zuli asked.

"Yeah, 2F8D might be hard to remember." Lapis explained. "Just came up with that nickname off the top of my head. You like it?"

"I love it!" Zuli cheered. "So, when can I start school?"

"Doesn't matter." Steven answered.

"Yeah, welcome to Earth." Lapis responded.

--

Back on Aozul 2, 1J9G continued terraforming the little moon to vent her stress, leaving a trail of fallen trees and small dirt canyons in her wake.

"I can't believe that freckled clod just ditched me like that!" 1J9G shrieked furiously. "She just fell for that kid's games, and then ran off!" Amid her ranting, the curly-haired Lapis began to cry. "Is this how he gets his sick kicks, just tearing apart friendships like that?! I'm gonna make him pay for stealing my friends when I find him again!"

Just then, some of the trees 1J9G didn't chop down started rustling, frightening her. "Who's there?" she began panicking. "Did you realize you made a huge mistake and come crawling back to me?"

However, 1J9G realized she wasn't talking to 2F8D. Instead, a large, grey hand with a white topaz on the back emerged from the foliage, and reached out for her.

--

Ominous, isn't it?! This was real great to write, especially since as mentioned above, Why so Blue is my favorite episode of Future. Hope you liked how I expanded on the Lapises and their backstory, and are excited for what I got next. Because on the next chapter of Steven Universe: Alternate Future, we aren't moving onto Little Graduation, that's the start of Part 2. Instead, we get onto cut content territory with Rhodonite's backstory at last. In the meantime, I'd really like this series to get mentioned on TV Tropes like my other written works.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

6 Extra Episodes in S10. This May Be What We’ve Been Waiting For!

Yeah, you might say I have a “few” thoughts on the extra 6 episodes, lol. I think this is fantastic. I really think this is what we’ve been looking for for 5 years.

Of course, that said, I must caveat this with the fact that this is just speculation and no one knows for certain. But man, is this exciting!

When I heard for myself Angela announce the 6 new episodes for S10, the question I kept coming back to is…why? Why would they do that? Even putting Beth aside, never in 10 seasons have they ever extended a season at all, and 6 is a lost of episodes. (I can’t help but run through every episode 6 of every season and how many Beth clues we’ve found in all of them.)

But more to the point, why make them part of season 10? Why not finish them and make them s11 so they can show how awesome TWD is and that it hardly missed a beat. You know, on to season 11!!!!! But they’re smashing them into s10. Why? That’s a REALLY big deal.

So let’s state some things we know MUST be true about these six episodes:

1. Obviously, they’re special. For some reason.

2. They MUST have been previously filmed. They haven’t filmed anything since November and with CoVid, no way they could have. And yes, you could argue that they were filming secretly, away from cameras, as we often say that about Beth. But even so, they wouldn’t have had enough time before CoVid hit to film six full episodes. So these must have been filmed sometime before that. And then there’s those missing scenes we’ve PROVEN were filmed and never aired. Just seems like too much of a coincidence that this wouldn’t be that.

3. It must be something related to what happens in the finale. Maybe that seems obvious, but the reason I say that is because, in terms of Gimple’s we’re-working-on-seeing-what-happened-to-characters-early-in-the-apocalypse thing, I think there’s a few possibilities for what he could be talking about there. One of them, obviously, is Beth. But they’ve also long-hinted at an Abraham/Eugene early apocalypse spin off. So, it’s POSSIBLE he could be talking about that or some other storyline they have in mind for a future spin off. Now, I have more reasons for why I don’t think that’s the case, which I’ll get to in a minute, but this is what I mean about these 6 episodes needing to be tied to the finale. Putting in an Abraham—or anyone else’s flashback story line, for that matter—would make no sense here. It would be really jarring for the viewers because there’s been no hint of anything like in the show.

And of course a non TD-er would probably argue that there’s been no hint of Beth either, but we all know better, don’t we? There’s the Connie stuff (that convo between Daryl and Carol was the first on-screen mention of Daryl’s love life since…what? S3? When Carol asked him jokingly if he wanted to screw around? I mean, of course the fans were talking about it with Beth, but none of the on-screen characters were. And of course there’s the symbolism, dog stuff, Emily’s music being in it, and all other social media hints and attention she’s gotten. It just makes sense that if the last 5 minutes Nicotero keeps hinting at is her, then it would naturally follow that we’d then see her backstory.

And, I gotta say, the six episodes is perfect. This is exactly what we’ve been waiting for. We’ve all gone so back and forth about how they’d do this. We knew her backstory would take more than a single bottle episode. Or even two. And having a full 6 or 8 episodes for it deviates too much for too long from the main story and the other characters. So we always figured it might be a spin off or “special event” or something. This works perfectly for that mold, and may explain why they’re just “extending” S10.

But I’ll say more on that in a minute. Let me get back to Gimple’s comment.

Three things really stuck out to me about what he said, all of which make me think his comment was about Beth, rather than some other spinoff.

1) He made a point to say it was something that happened early in the apocalypse, not pre-apocalypse. And while that would work for an Abe/Eugene spinoff as well, it just jumped out at me that he wanted to be very clear about that.

2) He said what they’re working on that he’s referring to isn’t an entire series. That specifically suggests that a) it’s probably these 6 episodes he’s referring to, because rather than making them their own series (like TWB) they’re just mashing them into the main series. And b) what I said above about any other character spinoff: it would make way more sense and be way less jarring to have it be its own spin-off event because it just wouldn’t fit into the main series.

3) He suggested it’s what they’re actively working on right NOW. So, let me be the devil’s advocate here. That could possibly mean two things. Right now they can either do remote stuff to work on what they’ve already filmed or they can plan for stuff they’ll be filming when they get the okay to do so.

Let’s say I’m wrong and what Gimple said refers to some other spin off. Well, you could actually argue it either way. Maybe (again, we’ll use the Abe/Eugene thing as a placeholder, though it could feasibly be anything) they already filmed another spin off, secretly, and it’s just that no one knows about it. They could, technically, have done that at any time since MC left in S6, right? So Gimple could be working on that. Or, if they haven’t done any other filming, he could just be planning for the next thing beyond S11, right?

But that just doesn’t seem particularly realistic to me. Given that they’re trying to get stuff out for the fans, and the way CoVid has thrown a wrench in everything, I think all other projects would be backburned and they’d just be pushing as hard as possible to get the rest of S10 and S11 out to us. That’s what they have to be working on now to fill the gap of CoVid and make sure the fans don’t riot. That’s pretty much what Angela said and Gimple, Nicotero and others all agreed.

So of course, it’s not proof or anything, but it just seems obvious to me that what Gimple meant is what’s in these 6 episodes and nothing except it being about Beth makes sense. Nothing else would fit into the story at all right now.

Okay, I’m going to give a few thoughts about the suspicious pushing back of the finale and then I’ll stop.

In many ways, them pushing back the finale makes MORE sense to me in light of these new episodes than it did before. You both know I’ve always thought it was hokey because, after getting the filming done, everything else, by definition is done by computer and therefore can be done remotely.

So here’s what I think happened. Remember that even after CoVid hit, they still got several episodes aired, and didn’t tell us until—I don’t remember exactly when; episode 14 maybe?—that they wouldn’t be airing the finale because it wasn’t finished. I still think that was a lie. I think it wasn’t so much that they didn’t get the finale finished, but that they looked at what was happening (CoVid) and understood that everything would be shut down for an extended period of time and there would be a gap. That they wouldn’t get S11 filmed until the new year. But overall, S11 isn’t even really the point. Like I said, hearing about these 6 episodes has brought me some clarity.

So this may explain both why they held back the finale and why they’re mashing these episodes into S10, rather than making them their own thing. Now, maybe they were always going to do that. I obviously couldn’t speak to it either way. But I think the time frame is the thing here. Understand, I’m operating under the assumption that these 6 episodes will be Beth’s backstory, the missing 17 days, the white church, all of it. So, assuming that’s true…

If they always knew they were going to air these episodes soon after 10x16, they probably want them aired very close to (soon after) the reveal of Beth being alive. Think of it this way. When her being alive is revealed, there will a collective, fandom gasp. And then tptb will hype everyone watching the next episodes so we can find out how and why this is the case. But if they’d aired the finale back in February, it would have been 9 months before got those answers, and they would have lost the hype of the initial shock. Not to mention, while obviously the break would have built up plenty of hype for Daryl and Beth, it also would have allowed the haters to rail for months and months about how unrealistic this is, which might have infected others in the fandom in a negative way. I think Gimple and Kang are smart. They know their fandom very well, and are doing everything they can to guard against that sort of thing.

So, I think it’s possible that they were going to present these six episodes in a different way originally, like a spin off or special event (maybe, maybe not; I could see it either way) but they decided to make it an extended part of season 10, specifically because we won’t have s11 for a while and they want to push people through these episodes as quickly as possible after the finale.

I also think it’s terribly interesting from a psychological standpoint that they plan to start airing these things in October. Exactly when we SHOULD have gotten S11. Like I said, the writers are just smart that way. All we’ll actually be missing time-wise this year is the finale. And yes, other things like Fear and TWB were suppose to air in the interim. But in terms of the main series, which blows all the others out of the water viewership-wise, we’ll be sticking to the same schedule of getting more TWD in October, exactly when we should. I’m sure that’s purposeful. And by the time they air everything they’ve already filmed (S10, Fear, TWB), they’ll probably be ready to start airing S11 by then. Hopefully.

Okay, sorry. I said I’d stop, but two more minor things I want to mention. When Nicotero mentioned the last 5 minutes thing again, he said it would take everyone in a “whole new direction.” That gave me a lot of hope. Yes, I know hyperbole and exaggeration are still a thing, but I think we get it less from Nicotero than from Gimple, and I just don’t feel like he’d call it a “whole new direction” if he was just referring to Father Gabriel’s death or something. So once again, I think that “whole new direction” will be something completely unlooked for that will push us into those 6 episodes. That gave me some hope.

And finally, on the topic of FG’s death, I really think that could be a thing. Did you notice Angela’s giggle? I think it was right at the end when they were asking her what to expect from the finale and she just did a rundown of how all the characters were doing important things in important places (Negan has some exciting scenes, Carol has a redemption arc, Daryl’s leadership is important, etc.). And when she mentioned FG, she did this weird smile/giggle thing. She didn’t do that mentioning any of the other characters. It was like she got nervous and was trying to cover something. Just a little too shifty-eyed and giggly for me. So I kinda think we might be right about him dying in the finale.

But of course that remains to be seen. Thoughts?

[oneunexpected]

I love Free Day because it means I can do Whatever I Want and I get to rb it to tucweek along with the incredible art pieces and insightful analysis other people have made and mine’s just, like, TUC as vines.

Anyway. Here’s the definitive power ranking of all minor characters* in the Underland Chronicles. It's quite long, because I tried to use every character.

Icarus -this DUUUUDE. This GUYYYYY. SUCKS! -“uh-oh looks like I’m infected with the plague better fly directly into a social gathering” -would be an anti-masker probably  0/10

Reekwell and Gushgore -Fangor and Shed part two, but unfunny this time. 1/10 y’all suck give me Fangor and Shed back

Purvox -Purvox is apparently a beautiful red spider who teaches Hazard how to “speak” Spinner. That’s cool. -that’s it. Why did Suzanne even feel the need to name her? I’m grateful for the extra details but 2/10

Ajax -mean. -nobody likes him -this is probably why he gets on so well with Solovet -some sort of flier general, it seems, which is pretty cool 2/10

Hero & Kent -twins, I guess that’s fun -they’re only like eight but they still Smirk Evilly. Good for them 2/10 just because there’s 2 of them

Anchel & Daphne -some randos Keeda mentions as dead. They probably had some sort of significance to be mentioned by name but We’ll Never Know. 2/10 RIP though. I’m sure you’re worth higher than this but I don’t even know who you are

Horatio -crony #1 -has a crush on Dulcet. Didn’t we all 3.5/10. Boosted solely by association with Dulcet

Marcus -crony #2 3/10

Wevox -thought her name was Weavox until I began writing this post -sort of “Was Margaret Thatcher a Girlboss?” vibes -“As it is, Vikus, we will not drink. Web them” is a RAW line and it bounces around my head sometimes -the spiders are clearly very crafty about their political relations but she was not going to hesitate for a MOMENT to consider the ramifications of killing the monarch of Regalia and we gotta respect that -docking points for the girlboss thing, though. 4/10

Stellovet -queen of insults you gotta be honest -had an INCREDIBLE amount of impact for only having like three lines. I remember being like 11 and reading so many fics on Fan Fiction Dot Net where she was a scheming villain -funny how Luxa thinks her endgame is just becoming a princess. She doesn’t care beyond that she just wants to be royalty 4/10

Chim -baby -ok she’s 5 -doesn’t do anything but look confused and help provide a gateway for Howard to look like a good person 5/10, for years of life. What’s even your name? Chimney?

Andromeda -she’s good. She is an Absolute Beast when she crosses the Waterway with Howard and Mareth, definitely saved Mareth’s life -loves Mareth very much :) -shuns Ares at first but comes around, we still gotta knock her for this though 5/10

Clawsin & Bloodlet & Ratriff -Some folks who go to Ripred’s side, Clawsin gets blinded from the Bane, Ratriff gets his arm ripped off by the Bane, it is what it is 5/10 collectively

Reflex -man’s got jokes -very helpful with the code -shoots streamers of silk around the room when they break it -came to Regalia secretly... secretly to whom? The spinners? The gnawers? Whatever, he’s a rebel either way -I had to look up his name though, so apparently not a lot of impact. Sorry Reflex 5/10

Treflex -announced he was joining the quest, then IMMEDIATELY died. Yes king give us nothing -made a good snack? Gross. 5/10

Cevian -the scene where they find her body is beautifully written and so heartbreaking. She’s the catalyst for the entire fourth book -gives Aurora the opportunity to make her first ever big impassioned speech. It’s what Aurora deserved -still, she doesn’t get any dialogue so I can’t vote her super high 5/10

Euripides -seems nice -always described as “Vikus’ big grey bat,” never just big bat, never just grey bat -tells Luxa to teach Gregor how to ride a bat because his neck is getting bruised lol -nice of him not to embarrass Gregor though 6/10 speak up for yourself, king

Pend -takes Boots back to Regalia after the moth brings her to the crawlers’ land -Vikus recognizes him by name which is really impressive since crawlers look pretty homogenous, although we are told Vikus is better than most at picking them out. Still, Pend is probably a high rolling crawler. 6/10

The scorpions -I know I’m supposed to be doing named characters but they’re pretty cool. The passage they’re in is a really fun read. Mad respect 6/10 I’ll see y’all in Scorpio szn, baby

Razor -showed SHAME and GUILT in the first book when he got called out by Ripred -raised Pearlpelt as if he was his own. In payment, Pearlpelt knocked him off a cliff and then tried to eat him to hide the evidence 6/10

Fangor and Shed -funny dudes. -apparently constantly drunk 6/10

Gox -Gox got shit DONE, okay? Gox got shit DONE. -would eat your carcass without a moment of hesitation. It’s fine. 6/10

Hermes -this guy is great! -brings Luxa her crown -gets seriously injured while protecting Lizzie on their way to Regalia -might be dead tbh no one ever says 7/10

Keeda -okay listen. Keeda’s great. Keeda is that warrior at the Battle of Marathon who ran all the way back to Athens to report their victory and immediately die, except Keeda was reporting that the gnawers were about to invade -listen I know she was dealing with some other stuff, but Vikus asks, “how many rats?” And she says “many. Many rats” ??? No estimate? “An army?” Whatever. We give her a pass. 7/10 RIP

Pandora -FUCK -her death was possibly the MOST disturbing passage I’ve ever read. I could see it so, so vividly in my head. Man I remember the horror -she just wanted to explore 7/10 but also 2/10 for emotional trauma

Queen Athena -ICONIC one-liner in Curse of the Warmbloods, absolutely demolishes the gnawers over their treatment of the nibblers -I’m really biased towards her because Athena is my favorite goddess -probably could’ve done more for Ares, especially as seeing she’s supposed to be perceptive and a really good judge of character and whatnot 7/10

Daedalus -flinches in fear when Boots says she’s gonna sing a for him, specifically -basically pledges his life to Lizzie in the event the Code Room is attacked so that’s very nice 7/10

Heronian -she’s in a full body cast, but that will not stop her. 8/10

Susannah -can we talk about how she lost both of her siblings and she just keeps trucking along? -REALLY wish we knew more about her -clearly Very Kind. Can you please ask your daughter to be nicer -takes really good care of everyone she comes across :) 8/10

Min -creaky old cockroach dance 9/10

Frill -was cool -taught everyone the marks of secret -taught Hamnet about pacifism and stuff too -I get the feeling she was wayyyyy more important to Hazard and Hamnet and their survival than Gregor’s narrative really dives into 9/10

Mr. Cormaci -nice man. Gave Gregor quarters. 10/10

Gregor’s grandma -cool lady, you can’t deny! -tells Gregor he can’t outrun his issues -has a super cool quilt -who IS Simon??? 10/10

Scalene, Euclidian, Root, Cube, and Newton -felt obligated to include all these kiddos because they are, in fact, named, even though none of them get any dialogue or anything else for that matter, really -Scalene was a little nibbler pup that found her mom in the Arena, Euclidian and Root are two more that the mom was looking for, Newton was one that no one claimed but some other guy was like “any of us will take him” which is :’) but also, so, so sad. -Cube was the pup Luxa named that ended up in the pit in the Firelands -Scalene and Newton survived a genocide and Euclidian which is baller any way you swing it 10/10

Tick -:( :( :( -the selflessness. -I shipped her with Temp when I was 8? I can’t answer for that 10/10

York -LMAOOOO this guy’s a LEGEND -7 ft tall. -fights with a zweihander. -says fuck, canonically. -hosts hundreds of nibbler refugees -very loving uncle to Luxa, helps her learn how to rule - his exasperated affection towards Howard when he finds out Howard stayed in the Firelands even after he got sick was very cute 10/10

Honorable mentions: Perdita and Dulcet Their roles are too big in the last book to be included in this list, but these ladies both get a 10/10.

[bitchiha]

Upcoming Works

!For the month of JULY!

A/N: Shawties, I am not promising that I will  finish all of these requests by the end of the month. I am simply showing you how fucking garbage my work ethic is! And theres no way I can pull through all these in that time. Requests are simply requests, if I don't want to write them I am not going to force myself too! Also, some of these are some self indulgent works I have been personally wanting to write. And YES I have 7 current works <3 I don't know why I did that to myself but I did. I only did up to 30 of my requests 4 this

1) CURRENT WORK / IMAGINE / YAMATO

Request: NSFW! for a friend! Also for myself bc I’m self indulgent.. Yamato + reader + empty hokage office, do the math luvs <3

2) CURRENT WORK / IMAGINE / KAKASHI

Request: hii can you write some detailed nsfw headcanons for kakashi or just write a smut fic i love your writings so i wanted to ask if u could do it or not!

3) CURRENT WORK / HEADCANONS / SHIKA, SASUKE, TOBIRAMA 

Request: Can I request some filthy nsfw hc’s for Tobirama , Shikamaru and Sasuke makeup sex w s/o after a pretty heated argument? Ofc if you feel comfortable writing for them! Thank u, ily 🥺

4) CURRENT WORK / HEADCANONS / YAMATO

Request: Hiya! You’ve got me lovin’ that Yamato so could I ask for Yamato with a S/O who is the epitome of an angry lil midget (like 5’3 and under)? S/O’s also got that life-of-the party personality which totally clashes with Yamato’s gentle and sweet, would be interesting to see how that goes!

5) CURRENT WORK / HEADCANONS / TSUNADE 

Request: I hope it’s ok I’m requesting Tsunade. Hcs of her having a daughter figure in one of her students. Like a few years younger than Shizune but she is qualified as a kunoichi and exceptional in what she is doing. I would really wanna know how she would act with her etc.

6) CURRENT WORK / HEADCANONS / NEJI, KIBA, SHIKA

Request: heyyy!!! can i get a neji, kiba, shikamaru headcanon where they’re jealous over their s/o??? — anon 🧊

7) CURRENT WORK / HEADCANONS / RAIDOU 

Request: I loved your headcanon about Genma Ibiki and Omoi! Would you mind doing the same with Raidou? Finding some content abt him is so rare 😩

8) PENDING / HEADCANONS / NEJI 

Request: hiii! please can you do nsfw hc for neji?❤️

9) PENDING / HEADCANONS / NEJI, RAIKAGE, DARUI 

Request: Can you do oblivious reader headcanons for Neji and Raikage Darui please?!

10) PENDING / HEADCANONS / SHINO 

Request: Hey, so after reading my matchup again, I got an idea for a head-canon. I'm not sure if this has already been asked, but headcanons with Shino that has a S/O who has a fear of bugs, but doesn't want that to ruin their relationship with Shino and tries to work on it ( side note: gotta love that auto correct changes Shino to Rhino).

11) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KAKASHI

Request: Teehee, could you do a headcanon in how Kakashi would react if he was out at a bar with his friend he’s crushing on and he let something close to “I love you” slip out in front of her (bonus points if she ends up feeling the same?) Omg it would mean the world ❤️

12) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KAKASHI 

Request: Can we have more Kakashi love Super PLEASE? how about a s/o who is motherly towards team 7 - especially Naruto, & loves taking care of Kakashi. 👀

13) PENDING / HEADCANONS / TEAM 7  

Request: Can I request some Boruto team 7 headcanons? How they confess to their fem crush? Or other way how they would react to a love confession from their crush *^*

14)  PENDING / HEADCANONS / SHISUI

Request: 🌻Hi! Some shisui headcanons with S/O coming from different culture? I know that their villages have same/very similar cultures so how would he react to S/O from like another😅 im sorry english is not my native language

15) PENDING / HEADCANONS / SASUKE, KIBA 

Request: jealous sasuke or kiba 👉🏾👈🏾?? maybe please 

16) PENDING / IMAGINE / KIBA 

Request: Hello! I love your blog. You're amazing. Can I request some Kiba fluff where he proposes to his S/O with Akamaru's help? I think that would be super cute. Thank you!

17) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KIBA, SHIKAMARU 

Request: Hi lovely! Can I please request some headcanons for Kiba and Shikamaru's reactions to finding out their S/O is pregnant with twins? Thanks a lot :)

18) PENDING / HEADCANONS / SHIKAMARU 

Request: Wait, can I request Shikamaru meeting his s/o’s ex too please? Wlfklskajdkskamdnemks

19) PENDING / HEADCANONS / MADARA 

Request: Hi! I love your writing! Could I ask hcs of Madara with a s/o, please? Like under what circumstances would he get one? What'd attract him and make him go for it? And how would he behave around his s/o?

20) PENDING / IMAGINE / SHISUI 

Request: Lizzie 😭❤ may I request headcanons for Shisui where the fem reader is a new ANBU member and is really strong but is underestimated by her male team mates (except Shisui) so he hears her crying in the evening in her room and comforts her by making her compliments and they start kissing and making out? 😊

21) PENDING / HEADCANONS / (N/A)

Request: ummm i just read ur last ask andddd are there any other characters you’d wanna write for that situation? 👀 (S/O walking in on character masturbating) 

22) PENDING / HEADCANONS / NEJI, HIDAN, KISSAME, KAKASHI 

Request: hi can i request some smutty smutty hcs about fem s/o waking neji, hidan, and kisame up in the middle of the night w a bj? 👀 throw in a bonus kakashi if u feeling extra generous 🙏🏼✨

23) PENDING / HEADCANONS / TENTEN (THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING HER BTW <3) 

Request: it says ur requests are open, if not i’m sorry for bothering you :( but can we have tenten relationship headcanons, u could do nsfw only if u want to!

24) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KAKASHI, YAMATO, IRUKA

Request: Same anon from a similar ask, what if it was flipped, how would kakashi, yamato, and iruka react if they walked in on their s/o masturbating? 👉👈

25) PENDING / HEADCANONS / TOBIRAMA 

Request: I love your worksss 🥺💕💕 so I’m new in the tobirama club so can i request sfw and nsfw headcanons of him?? 🥰✌🏻

26) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KISAME, HIDAN, DEIDARA, ITACHI 

Request: May I request a hc for Kisame, Hidan, Deidara, and/or Itachi (separately) with an s/o who's a total mom-friend in general, but becomes a merciless killer in battle. Just 0-100 real quick-

27) PENDING / IMAGINE / KAKASHI 

Request: Hello! ❤️ I was wondering if You could write a small scenario or headcanon (which ever is easiest on you) of how Kakashi would react if Jiraiya and Gai brought him to a strip club for the first time? (It’s something that’s been in my mind for a hot minute)

28) PENDING / HEADCANONS / KAKASHI OR SHIKAMARU 

Request: Hi could you maybe possibly do a headcannon for Kakashi or Shikamaru with them and their s/o being cuddly/just laying in bed together? 👉👈 ty ilysm

29) PENDING / NOT SPECIFIED / GAI OR ROCK LEE

Request: Pls- just something Might Guy/Rock Lee related... they practically carried the show and for that, they need more love 

30) PENDING / NOT SPECIFIED / SASORI 

Request: Love your writing, would love if you wrote something for Sasori one day

31) PENDING / HEADCANONS / GAI OR LEE

Request: Gai/Lee anon here! SFW and NSFW pls :3

32) PENDING / IMAGINE / KAKASHI 

Request: Scenario where reader is having a wet dream while cuddling with Kakashi and starts mumbling lewd things in their sleep and Kakashi wakes them up and it leads to sexy times 👉👈 ik that's hyper specific srry 💜

33) PENDING / NOT SPECIFIED / KAKASHI 

Request: what would kakashi do if his s/o teased him so bad 👀

[butterflydm]

The Untamed Rewatch (ep 6)

Previous Episode | Index | Next Episode

aka in which WWX as a friend comes with many benefits *winky-face*

Yeah, this is definitely the episode where WWX goes from thinking of LWJ as an uptight person to poke fun at and try to provoke and starts thinking of him as a person with deep emotions hidden under lock and key. This is also the episode when WWX decides he actually wants to be LWJ's friend and starts working towards that goal. He does still provoke LWJ after this, but that's more due to his natural personality rather than intentional poking to get a reaction.

We learn more about schooldays WWX here, as we see that he and Nie Huaisang have a simple knock code for afterhours hangouts. The three bros are hanging out drinking and eating peanuts. They're all fairly drunk, judging their behavior. Jiang Cheng and WWX needle each other about their potential marriage prospects. Jiang Cheng apparently has QUITE a laundry list of requirements for his future marriage partner. Maybe. Jiang Cheng. Babe. Maybe this is why you don't have one in the future. Maybe your standards aren't realistic. So, we've got: beautiful, tender, diligent, can run a household, good family, quiet, frugal, not too high a cultivation level. It does seem like Jiang Cheng wants someone who will run everything behind the scenes but never challenge him — possibly because his parents' marriage is so contentious? 

We don't see many healthy & happy marriages on-screen in the drama overall — Madame Yu and Jiang Fengmian argue in front of their children (among other issues), Jin Guangshan and Madame Jin don't need elaboration, the parents of Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji have a very messed up story even if you look at it as generously as possible, the Mo family don't seem terribly happy either tbh and also raised a bully and continued to cosset him into adulthood, Jin Guangyao and Qin Su, well…

Two of the happy marriages we see end in the early death of both spouses, who leave behind a small child who needs to be raised by others — WWX's parents, and Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan. The only real exception is MianMian and her husband, who do appear to be happy and are also still alive by the end of the series, but obviously that can't serve as an example to any of our characters in the flashback episodes. Am I missing any examples of good marriages?

All of which is to say… if Jiang Cheng does have issues with marriage and maybe even sets his standards so high because he's hesitant to get married at all, I can understand why.

Lan Wangji comes in and breaks up the… party, and WWX takes advantage of him turning his back to place a talisman on him that forces him to act under WWX's control, which is definitely not a good thing for WWX to do. WWX does seem surprised that it worked but this ties into one of the main things that the… eh, evil, I suppose, characters do, which is turn other people into puppets to act through. I do think WWX learns his lesson here with this talisman, not because he himself was punished over the event, but because it meant LWJ got punished when he didn't deserve it. WWX, for all his trickster tendencies, does have a strong sense of fair play.

But, imo, the main reason of this choice on the part of the drama is because they need WWX to see through some of LWJ's emotional walls and start to see him as a person rather than a rulebook now, in the flashback, because they want to make sure to establish a mutual bond in the past as well (which I feel is related to their attempts to sidle around censorship rules since they know they won't be able to do the kisses or the "I really wanted to sleep with you back then" type moments). 

It's also about the rule of unintended consequences — WWX wants LWJ to relax and stop being so fussy over the rules, and instead he gets something completely unexpected that throws him for a loop and makes him reconsider who LWJ is as a person. He learns about the importance of the forehead ribbon, and he sees LWJ's loneliness and sadness.

There are a couple of different ways I can take LWJ going "yeah, that's fine" to WWX telling him no woman is gonna want to marry him: first, that he's not attracted to women and he knows and accepts it or, second, that having seen what happened with his parents, the idea of staying single seems more attractive than the idea of being married. Going back up to 'not a lot of examples of happy marriages in CQL' (there might be more in the novel), again, and LWJ would know about even fewer. His only real example of marriage is a set of matched cages, his and hers.

The moment when WWX realizes that LWJ's mom is dead is beautifully-played, I think.

He realizes they have something in common and confides to LWJ. Now, since we know LWJ is a black-out drunk in present-day, he probably doesn't remember anything that happened after WWX had him take a drink (which is why he doesn't already know why WWX is afraid of dogs when they talk again about it in the present-day), but WWX doesn't know that when he tells LWJ about his parents and about living on the street. 

We do also get WWX talking about his bad memory here — he says that he thinks he should be able to remember his parents, but mostly he remembers is the trauma that happened afterwards. From what I've read of people's posts about the novel, WWX's bad memory is used differently there but, in the drama, it seems to be tied to trauma overwhelming other things. And we get the flashback to tiniest bb!WWX with his parents and I die. It's so cute. He confides in LWJ and essentially begins the process of adopting him as a friend.

So, the Lan Qiren & Lan Xichen scene makes me wonder, and this might be answered later but, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue must already be friends at this point, yeah? They're both young sect leaders and Lan Xichen speaks highly of NMJ's integrity to Meng Yao. It's either implied or said flat-out, I think, that Nie Mingjue has sent Nie Huaisang to Gusu to study for multiple years, so obviously Nie Mingjue thinks highly of Lan sect's teachings as well. So, like, they had this established friendship going on that Jin Guangyao gets in the middle of and ultimately taints in a way by using Lan Xichen's teachings as the way he learns how to kill Nie Mingjue.

That's really sad!

Anyway, the bros (plus poor innocent LWJ) get busted for sneaking alcohol into the Cloud Recesses and other shenanigans and we learn that WWX's mom acted the way same when Lan Qiren knew her. They never talk about it on-screen during the time of the drama, but I like to think at some point, post-canon, WWX is able to weedle stories about his mom about Lan Qiren. Let me have my dreams! I'm not sure if Lan Xichen also met her at some point — he would have been pretty young since she died when WWX was a kidlet and he doesn't say anything about it, so probably not — or he's just amused because he thinks WWX is amusing.

Lan Xichen's face is so shocked when he learns Wangji (apparently) took part in WWX's secret drinking party. Like, he wanted WWX to be friends with his brother and maybe teach him to have fun, but this result was not expected! And since LWJ doesn't tell them what really happened and WWX gets cut off before he can explain, does LXC continue to think that WWX talked his brother into drinking with him or does he assume something more along the lines of what really happened?

So, I'm not sure if I need to say this or not but: I'm not a fan of violent punishments; I don't think they teach anything useful. But since the show doesn't really depict them as successful in that way, I don't necessarily have an issue with them being part of the narrative any more than I have issues with other violent choices by characters, if that makes sense? But just to make my own position on it clear, I guess! I don't think an authority figure hurting someone under their care is justified because that person broke their rules.

Anyway, Lan Xichen obviously doesn't hold WWX's apparent influence over LWJ's actions against him, because he points WWX in the direction of the cold springs, where he already knows his brother is chilling. 

We get the first scene between WWX and LWJ after WWX has decided they shall Now Be Friends. I've gotta say, this scene has the same energy as Darcy's first proposal to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice: I'm about to insult you (/your family) and don't realize at all this might be off-putting when I ask for a deeper emotional bond between us. And, much like with Elizabeth, I don't blame LWJ for being… 'no'. Like, WWX literally just said "hey, I thought you were boring but have now decided to give you the honor of being my friend". He's basically trying to neg LWJ into a friendship, it's a terrible approach.

I think we also get our first Gay Panic moment from poor LWJ here as his annoying, arrogant, stubborn-as-hell crush looks like he might strip in front of him. And then talks about the pretty girls back home. Poor LWJ.

They get yoinked into the cave where Lan Yi is holding the Yin Metal. I'm guessing this is all added since the Yin Metal wasn't a plotline in the novel, but it's a fun time (I mean, not really for the boys; they're pretty cold and wet). The show uses it as an excuse to put in some things they probably couldn't have otherwise sneaked in like WWX and LWJ getting tied together with the sacred forehead ribbon, plus it's also used to jumpstart the extra flashback stuff related to the drama-only Yin Metal plot. It's used to give us exposition in a way that's interesting for both us and the characters, plus there are bunnies.

Oh, they mention here that playing Spirit Inquiry is passed down through the family, and I remember I think that Lan Sizhui says that he's been learning it when we get to the future? That's so cute. If my memory is correct, hah.

Meeting Lan Yi and all the stuff with her is great. I understand (from what I've read of them) why some people have issues with the Yin Metal storyline in general. Obviously, as I was watching it without knowing it was drama-only, it did really work for me and it still does so far. WWX is less of an absolute genius, as he doesn't invent the discipline of demonic cultivation, but he does end up being the only person who is able to practice it large-scale without getting eaten up by it (... on his second try, but still). 

Instead, what the drama does is set up several cautionary tales/parallels for WWX. The sects joining forces to destroy the current master of demonic cultivation becomes a reoccuring theme — first with Xue Chonghai in the distant past, then Wen Rouhan in the early/middle flashback sequence, then Wei Wuxian at the end of the flashback sequence. 

Lan Yi was, apparently, the only female head of Lan Sect, but she did invent the cool musical technique that gets passed down from generation to generation. Lan Yi is a very likable character. She's polite and helpful and she raises bunnies and she readily admits to her mistakes of the past. She also has been working hard to try to mitigate the damage caused by her big mistake. She's a good person, but not perfect.

We also see the contrast here between Lan Yi and Lan Qiren — WWX essentially makes the same kind of suggestion here that he does in Lan Qiren's classroom but where LQR got angry and indignant over the idea, Lan Yi is sympathetic because she'd wondered the same thing. And one main difference between them that Lan Yi brings up is that she felt like she needed the edge because of the sexism she had to face as a female sect leader.

The first of our WWX-LWJ relationship parallels pops up here too — Lan Yi's one true friend was Baoshan. Lan Yi was young and aggressive, needed an edge, wouldn't listen to other people telling her that resentful energy was too much to handle, thought she could handle it all on her own. Baoshan was worried that the resentful energy would end up controlling and damaging her instead. It's a fairly blatant parallel. I really like that LWJ's parallel is the teacher of WWX's mom and WWX's parallel is LWJ's ancestor. Much like the other parallels we will run across, the story of Lan Yi and Baoshan ends more sadly than WWX and LWJ will; it's a cautionary tale. But even their endings do echo what happens at the end of the flashbacks — after Baoshan fails to stop Lan Yi from using the Yin Metal, she goes into seclusion and separates herself from the world emotionally, while Lan Yi is wounded and unleashed something dangerous she can't control.

So.... Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji go missing together. For hours. When they get found (in the next episode), obviously Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen find out where they really were but… what exactly does everyone else think happened to them? When they were missing together. For hours. And come back soaking wet with LWJ's sacred forehead ribbon wrapped around their wrists and unharmed (...and shoeless). 

*gazes off into the distance*

*thinks about how all the disciples learn about the forehead ribbon in lessons*

*thinks about Jiang Cheng's reactions in the future when WWX ditches him for LWJ*

*gazes off into the distance again*

In the search scene, we get another moment when Jiang Yanli is Feeling Poorly. I swear, that girl is sick every time we turn around. I want to give her a warm blanket and have someone else feed her soup for a change. Ah, we get Jiang Cheng's first empty threat about breaking someone's legs here (chronologically-speaking). Honestly, Jin Ling is such a reckless kiddo. Despite having literally zero of WWX's genes, I feel like he gives Jiang Cheng WWX flashbacks all the time.

Speaking of Jin Ling, Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan get a classic romantic trope when she slips and he catches her in his arms (a romantic trope that WWX enjoys with LWJ many times in the future, bless). I've been wanting to keep an eye on him and his assumptions and his reactions to her. They do quite a bit of staring before they break away, and it does look like he's feeling something too. But then he immediately flees. It's a miracle he ever managed to marry her.

Next time: Lan Wangji falls in love; Wei Wuxian gets himself kicked out of the Cloud Recesses.

Previous Episode | Index | Next Episode

[evilisk]

Reading Len’En Profiles Pt 5

We round off the RMI cast with the New Emperor, their Anachronistic Advisor and the short story detailing how they met. (The illustration above was done up by JynX for Len’En’s 2nd anniversary)

= = =

While Iyozane’s profile is very conventional and barebones, Fumikado’s profile basically has extra details about Iyozane too, which is why I decided to split their profiles off from everyody else. 

= = =

How Fumikado and Iyozane Met

I love how half of Fumikado’s backstory is an actual short story. As far as the writing goes, it’s not bad. One issue is how confusing the profile is as a result of all the characters being “they” (e.g. “When Fumikado asked that question, they smiled slightly” is very confusing). Otherwise, I really like how much atmosphere is packed into this little story.

I love how we basically get the full context behind the naming of Iyozane’s musical theme (”In The Gloomy Straits, Steady As She Goes”). We also get a bit of theming with Fumikado in regards to the stars (note that one of Fumikado’s spellcards is constellation)

Oh and the Bridge in BPoHC is alluded to, and Suzumi’s role, and so many other things. It’s crazy how ambitious this profile is. You’d never see ZUN setting up the boss characters of a following game in a profile.

... I can’t believe it took me one short story to instantly want to ship Fumikado and Iyozane. Either I’m getting really soft, or JynX is just way better at creating ‘shipping potential’ than ZUN is

= = =

Stage 3 Boss - Fujiwara no Iyozane

Original Opinion: To me, Iyozane is the weak-link in the “New Emperor Trio”. Their petty ambitions are fine but they really don’t stand out compared to the stoic Tsugumi or the over-the-top Fumikado. It’s a shame too, as I do love their design, their fight and their musical theme (their RMI theme is especialy good. Like, I could listen to that melancholic melody all day~)

Comments on Profile:

I see JynX is just taking the piss out of the species section again (with Iyozane’s race being “Human, aspiring to be a pirate”)

So Iyozane hates the cold too. I find it hilarious that a whole bunch of people involved in this incident actually hate being in the cold (so far, we’re at Iyozane and the two Adagumo siblings).

I relate to their angle of ‘is ambitious, has no clue how to achieve said ambitions’ so much

So Iyozane apparently uses their flute to control the spirits in their spellcards. That’s cool. Especially since their (godly) theme includes a woodwind instrument... I think? I tend to confuse instruments

Does this mean Iyozane is the first musical Len’En character? I feel like they have to be. I do like how JynX avoided the ZUN cliche of “gotta have a spellcard with musical notes, just so you know that they’re a musician!”

I just want it to be know that I totally wrote half of this profile analysis while listening to Iyozane’s theme on loop. It is just so damn good.

Comments on Short Story: 

I like the Iyozane portrayed in the short story. Iyozane’s kind of a typical arrogant, villainous noble type in-game but here they seem so full of energy, with how talkative and open they are, how they’re nervous to perform in front of Fumikado etc. While I’m all for Fumikado becoming the new Emperor, I’m a bit bummed out over how boring “Iyozane in active ambition mode” is

I don’t know the full deal with the name “Fujiwara” (other than Fujiwara being the name of some ancient Japanese clan, oh and Mokou having the same surname, of course) but Iyozane gets points for the strangely mysterious backstory

New Opinion: I have mixed feelings here. The short story kind of turned me around on Iyozane, in theory, but I still don’t really like ‘petty advisor’ Iyozane. Until I’ve played BPoHC, I’ll have to hold off on having a final opinion on Iyozane as a whole.

= = =

Stage 6 Boss - Taira no Fumikado

Original Opinion: For all the jokes about Fumikado having a ghost horse stand, Fumikado gives me such strong Joestar vibes. Like, I hear that “Fumikado fought and then ran away from Shion” and my mind instantly goes to Joseph Joestar running away from Straits or Kars. It’s the combination of arrogance, shameless pragmatism and the talent (Fumikado is actually strong... just not “main character” levels of strong). What little I’ve played of BPoHC and their route only cements this Joestar impession I have of Fumikado.

Though I was incredibly disappointed with Fumikado’s badassery and final boss status being deconstructed (seriously, Fumikado would have broken the curse of “lame Len’En final boss” if they’d been played straight), I think JynX has done a good job of transitioning them into something way more enjoyable than *just* a badass final boss... even if that’s more to do with their BPoHC portrayal.

Comments on Profile:

There is strangely zero mention of Taira no Masakado in their profile (despite him being very, very important to Fumikado’s whole deal)

While it was said in-game that they’re supposed to be the vessel for Masakado, I was not expecting Fumikado to have been groomed from such a young age. It’s actually kind of messed up. Especially since you need to ask “what the hell is gonna happen to Fumikado if they’re successful in their goal?”

I also just want to mention the body switching stuff. It is wild that Fumikado can apparently just do that, and that they apparently grew up in somebody else’s body (while somebody else grew up in their body). I don’t write fanfiction but it’d be quite an angle you could explore in fanfic.

Fumikado’s grandpa is like the first canonically male character, right? Not that it matters, he seems like a jerk for convincing kid Fumikado to go through with all this.

Despite my goofy interpretation of them, Fumikado is surprisingly restrained, introspective even, in their short story. 

New Opinion: Wow, uh yeah. I think after all of that, Fumikado might straight up be my favourite character in RMI now. 

I already liked Fumikado just on a surface level (theme, design, personality) but Fumikado’s profile adds so much pathos to the them. They’re not some failed supervillain. They were someone trained and groomed from birth to do this one role, this one role that could have lead to the erasure of their own existence; and they failed at this one role due to complete bad luck. The irony would be palpable were it not for the fact that they now have a chance to have their own existence, not as Taira no Masakado, but as Taira no Fumikado. Is that not a lot to take in or what? 

= = = 

Final Thoughts

Though I don’t quite like RMI as a game, I have a lot of respect for it from a writing perspective because holy crap is JynX’s ambition just bleeding through. There’s so many plot threads going on even without adding all the setup and foreshadowing in BPoHC. You got the New Emperor Trio, Tenkai, Yaorochi and Saragimaru’s ‘meeting’ and Shion and Sese’s side stories all packed into one. JynX has set the storytelling bar rather high with this game.

= = =

Ranking the RMI Cast

Taira no Fumikado

Tenkai Zuifeng

Sese

Tsugumi

Shion

My ranking of Iyozane isn’t decided yet. Don’t expect the BPoHC profiles any time soon. Dear God, JynX is a madman for adding two different routes with two completely new sets of bosses and for bringing back every single character.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Warwick the Uncaged Wrath of Zaun build (League of Legends)

(Image by Riot Games)

Do you ever notice that some of the champion names have absolutely no relation to what the champion actually is? Why don’t they just call Warwick by his real name: the Steampunk Furry.

Anyways this was another build that sprung into my head sort-of on a whim, but this build also capitalizes on two classes I’ve wanted to try for awhile. That and I just like Warwick and think it would be fun to have a rabid animal in the party.

GOALS

Eternal Hunger - We need to be able to keep ourselves in the fight with constant self-sustain. Unfortunately chomping on your enemies isn’t allowed officially, and I think your group would be weirded out if you suggested it.

Can you feel the rush now? - Warwick is a fast boy who can track down enemies and strike them down even faster, especially when they’re injured.

Awoo - You’ve gotta be able to howl at the moon and fear enemies around you as the local furry.

RACE

While Warwick started out as a human we’re going to go with Shifter from Wayfinder’s Guide to Eberron. All Shifters get 60 feet of Darkvision but you get a different Shifting Feature as a Bonus Action based on your subrace. The great thing about Warwick is that he’s sort of a mish-mash of every animal out there so you can arguably take any subrace you want, though I’d probably say that Longtooth isn’t the best option since while the ability to bite is in-character it’s sadly not too useful for the build. You will also get temporary hitpoints when you shift equal to your level plus your Constitution modifier to keep you in the fight.

With that in mind your first option is Beasthide for +2 to Constitution and +1 to Strength along with the ability to use Primal Howl to make you a little bulkier, increasing your AC by 1 and granting you a d6 of temporary hitpoints on top of your shifting temp HP. (Note: I’d personally rule that since it’s written as “additional” temporary hitpoints the extra HP would be added onto any existing temp HP you might have.) You also get the Athletics skill for free.

Swiftstride isn’t the most in-character but it does give you +2 to your Dexterity and +1 to your Charisma as well as the Acrobatics skill. Your shifting feature does let you move faster though.

But the one I personally chose when making this build was Wildhunt which gives you +2 to Wisdom and +1 to Dexterity along with the Survival skill. But the most important part of the Wildhunt Shifter is the ability to Shift to turn on Blood Hunt, granting Advantage on all Wisdom checks (Survival being Wisdom, and I’d argue that tracking the scent of Blood would be Survival) and the inability to be hit by attacks with Advantage. The second part is an added bonus but what we’re really here for is better blood tracking.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Warwick is a speedy boy and can jump halfway across the lane with enough movement speed.

14; WISDOM - While Warwick isn’t the most “sane” of individuals Wisdom is tied to tracking skills, which we need. It’s also the main stat for the vast majority of our class features.

13; STRENGTH - Warwick has the ability to rip through a Zaun elevator pod... gondola... travel... thing. Most of that strength probably comes from the chemicals Singed pump into him but Strength is still Strength.

12; CONSTITUTION - Most of Warwick’s tankiness comes from self-sustain but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a bulky boy in his own right.

10; CHARISMA - Warwick can be cute and silly but the main reason we’re not dumping Charisma is so that we can still be Intimidating.

8; INTELLIGENCE - You got turned into a dog and last time I checked dogs weren’t good at math.

BACKGROUND

For the first time ever I’m going to suggest making your own background so make sure your DM is cool with that. If you go with D&D Beyond’s options for a custom background take 2 skills and 2 languages - take Intimidation and Investigation as your skills of choice as they’re conveniently right beside each other on an alphabetical list. For your languages take Draconic and if you’re in the Eberron setting Riedran would work? But otherwise take Infernal for more snarling and growling.

Take either the Pirate of Urchin background feature for your own: Pirates have a Bad Reputation which will make the common-folk too scared of you to stop you from doing petty crimes like property damage. Urchins meanwhile know all the City Secrets to move through the city faster and catch up on prey. "I know Zaun's streets like the back of my claws." Regardless you’re going to have to make your own starting gear (my suggestion: just take the starting equipment from Urchin minus the fluff stuff) and a name for your background: feel free to call it the “Uncaged Wrath of Zaun” background.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

We’re starting this build off as a Monk; yup! You get two Monk skills of your choice: Athletics and Insight will let you smell your enemies fear before you pounce them and suppress them. (You also get a tool or music instrument of your choice which really doesn’t matter.) You also get Unarmored Defense which makes your AC equal 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Wisdom modifier while not wearing armor or using a shield.

But most importantly you get Martial Arts which modify your attacks in a bunch of ways.

You can now use Dexterity as your ability modifier for unarmed strikes instead of Strength which is good because your DEX is a lot higher than your STR.

You unarmed strikes are a d4 which is just a nice increase to your damage overall.

You can make an unarmed strike as a bonus action after taking the attack action, so you can swipe twice instead of once.

You can also use a simple weapon that doesn’t have the two-handed property or a shortsword as a Monk weapon but it wouldn’t be in character unless your DM considers “giant mechanical claws” as a “weapon.” Side note: ask your DM if your unarmed strikes can do Slashing damage - they might say no but it won’t impact much.

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

2nd level Monks get Ki which let you do some cool steampunk werewolf powers. Flurry of Blows lets you use Tiamat for two attacks as a bonus action instead of one, Patient Defense lets you pop Primal Howl to give enemies Disadvantage to hit you, and Step of the Wind lets you use Ghost to Dash or Disengage as a Bonus Action.

You also get Unarmored Movement to increase your movement speed by 10 so you can chase down your prey.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

3rd level Monks get their Monastic Tradition and Way of the Long Death is perfect for spooky good boys. You first get Touch of Death which gives you temporary hitpoints equal to your Monk level plus your Wisdom modifier whenever you reduce a creature to 0 hitpoints. Currently that should be 6 temporary hitpoints, and considering that your max health should be around 20 that’s pretty good.

In addition you gain Deflect Missiles which lets you use a reaction to reduce the damage of an incoming ranged attack by 1d10 + your Dexterity modifier + your monk level. If the damage is reduced to 0 you can catch it with a Ki point and launch the attack back - using the enemy’s power against them is more of Sylas’ thing but reducing the damage if an incoming skillshot certainly is in your skillset.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get Slow Fall to use your reaction to reduce fall damage you take by five times your monk level. But more importantly you get an Ability Score Improvement and that uneven Strength score has been bugging me so take the Athlete feat with a Strength improvement to bump it up a little. Athlete will also make you far more mobile, allowing you to quickly stand up if you’re knocked down and also pounce at enemies without as much of a startup.

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 1

Now that we’ve gotten our passive it’s time to get our tracking skills up. Multiclassing into Ranger gives you one skill from their list and I’d take Perception to see anyone trying to sneak up on you or sneak away.

You also get Natural Explorer and Favored Enemy and like I said the last time I made a Ranger build using this skills is really up to you to discuss them with your DM. However I’d highly suggest using the Class Feature Variants UA for the Ranger and pick up Deft Explorer and Favored Foe.

Let’s start with Favored Foe first: this will let you cast Hunter’s Mark a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier. You don’t need to concentrate on the spell which means your concentration can’t be broken, and you can use it to both track your enemy and do extra damage to them.

Meanwhile Deft Explorer has a variety of skills to choose from and Canny lets you gain Expertise in one skill from a variety of skills: Survival is the obvious choice to help you track down prey. (If your DM is cool and lets you pick an additional skill from that list since you already have Survival proficiency I���d suggest grabbing Stealth as well.) (You also get two Languages so pick-and-choose whatever.)

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 2

At level 2 Rangers get a Fighting Style, and while most of the baseline options don’t work with our Martial Arts the same Class Feature Variants added a few new Fighting Styles including Blind Fighting, which is the best option we have of the bunch. You can already see in the dark but now if you’re hit with a Blinding Assault you can still take down that annoying ADC.

You also get access to Spellcasting: Speak with Animals lets you use your bestial half to communicate with your brethren, and Animal Friendship lets you convince them that you’re the Alpha Dog.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 3

3rd level Rangers get Primeval Awareness and for once I’m not going to suggest taking the Class Feature Variant option since being able to track creatures within one mile of you is quite in-flavor for Warwick, seeing as he can smell injured champions from across the map. But if you do choose to use Primal Awareness instead you get access to some one-time use spells that can be helpful for the party, and it’s honestly far more practical overall.

Speaking of spells you get another one and Beast Bond will let you take far more direct control over any minor test subject you find in the streets of Zaun.

But of course we’re here for our Ranger Conclave so take the Hunter conclave to be the best at hunting down prey and striking them down. At level 3 you get your Hunter’s Prey feature which lets you choose between three options: Colossus Slayer is perfect for a wild boy who strikes down injured foes. You do an extra d8 of damage whenever you attack a target that is missing health but can only apply this damage once per turn, so no you can’t Flurry of Blows to do 3d8 extra damage. (Though it would be in character to use Flurry of Blows against a weakened enemy, and would give you a higher chance to get Touch of Death health.) Also as of Sage’s Advice from Jeremy Crawford it is confirmed that unarmed strikes are considered “weapon attacks” for the sake of class features that require you to make a weapon attack.

NOTE: By this point we’ve honestly got everything we want from Ranger. (Tracking abilities and more damage to injured targets.) I take this multiclass a little further in my build but you’re more than welcome to stop leveling Ranger after level 3. Taking extra levels in Ranger makes you lose out on some of the stronger Monk class features (notably Diamond Soul) but you do get more spells and your second subclass feature with more Ranger levels. It’s up to you how you spread out the levels.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: I’d suggest increasing your Dexterity for deadlier claws and more survivability.

LEVEL 9 - MONK 5

Level 5 Monks get an Extra Attack so you can become the monster you always were. Your Unarmed Strikes also increase to a d6 now. But most importantly you get access to Stunning Strike: you can spend 1 Ki point to pounce on an enemy and if they fail a Constitution saving throw they’re stunned until the end of your next turn.

LEVEL 10 - MONK 6

Level 6 Monks get Ki Empowered Strikes which make their fists magical for the sake of overcoming resistances as well as more Unarmored Movement to chase down your prey faster.

But most importantly level 6 Long Death Monks get Hour of Reaping which lets them use an action to attempt to fear all enemies in a 30 foot radius: a far larger radius than Warwick’s near point-blank Primal Howl AoE. They must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you until the end of your next turn, having Disadvantage to attack anything when they can see you and being unable to approach you.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 11 - MONK 7

7th level Monks get Evasion. If you’re targeted by a skillshot that forces you make a Dexterity saving throw you take no damage if you succeed, or half if you fail. Considering that you have +8 to Dex saves and are about to get an Ability Score Improvement you should dodge anything that comes your way.

You also get Stillness of Mind which lets you pop QSS to end any effect of being Charmed or Frightened as an action. "The chains are broken... the beast is free."

LEVEL 12 - MONK 8

At level 8 Monks get another Ability Score Improvement and you’re going to want to cap your Dexterity for maximum damage along with extreme evasion and high AC.

LEVEL 13 - MONK 9

9th level Monks get Unarmored Movement Improvement. You can now use your claws to run along walls or “jump” (run over) water as long as you end your turn on solid ground afterwards. "A monster's inside you... I'll tear it out!"

LEVEL 14 - MONK 10

At level 10 as Monk you get Purity of Body which makes you immune to disease and poison: good because chomping down on your foes can’t be healthy. (Please don’t chomp down on your foes.)

Your Unarmored Movement also increases to 20 feet now, making your total movement speed 50 feet per turn. Rev up!

LEVEL 15 - MONK 11

Level 11 Long Death Monks get Mastery of Death, allowing you to spend a Ki point when you would’ve gone down to instead stay at 1 health. Warwick can be deceptively sustainable and you have to be careful when he’s low or else he’ll just chomp on you. Your Martial Arts die also increases to a d8 now.

LEVEL 16 - MONK 12

12th level Monks get another Ability Score Improvement and now you can put your points in Wisdom for better AC and a harder saving throw against your Stunning Strike. “The blood you spilled calls to me.”

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 5

Bouncing back to Ranger for our last few levels: 5th level Rangers get an Extra Attack which you already have, so you don’t get that. You do get 2nd level spells though such as Locate Animals or Plants. "Killing, I remember."

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers get another Favored Enemy which if you’re using UA doesn’t matter, and if you aren’t using UA you should metagame with your DM to choose. You also get another favored terrain for Natural Explorer, or you can take Roving from the Deft Explorer Unearthed Arcana feature for another 5 feet of movement along with a climbing speed (that we already had from Athlete) and a swimming speed. Yes this means that you have a total of 55 movement speed and you can also swim and climb with that movement!  "Try... hide!"

LEVEL 19 - RANGER 7

7th level Hunter Rangers get Defensive Tactics and truthfully any of them are good for you. Multiattack Defense will let you tank heavy damage and Steel Will will make sure nothing stops you from chasing your prey. Escape the Horde isn’t as useful since you can disengage with Step of the Wind but it’s still an option.

You also get another spell and Animal Messenger feels in flavor? You can intimidate a small animal to deliver a message up to 25 words long before it travels to the location to deliver the message. It then speaks in your voice to the person you indicated and the spell ends, and if the animal dies on the way the message isn’t sent. But to be honest take whatever spells you want since I’m picking the spells that are in-flavor but not the most useful spells. At level 19 your spell choice isn’t too massive anyways.

LEVEL 20 - RANGER 8

And we conclude with an Ability Score Improvement to Wisdom for maximum AC, Ki save, and Druid spell save. You also get Land’s Stride which lets you ignore difficult terrain and nonmagical plants, and have Advantage against Zyra’s magical plants if she tries to stop you.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Titanic Hydra - You have 20 AC and while you aren’t the tankiest dog you have an insane amount of temporary hitpoints, gaining 17 temp HP when you down an enemy and 21 temp HP by shifting. Add in your shifting feature making you unable to be hit with Advantage and Mastery of Death allowing you to just not die it will be incredibly hard to down you.

What have you done?! - You are fast. You are the fast. 55 feet of movement speed that isn’t stopped by difficult terrain, water, walls, or even empty space will guarantee that you pounce your foes.

Choke on your screams - You have strong damage with Hunter’s Mark on up to four attacks and Colossus Slayer adding another one. You also have a variety of crowd control with an AoE fear for groups or Stunning Strike for individuals. Regardless you can keep your prey locked down once you reach them.

CONS

All the blood you've spilled - Temporary hitpoints don’t stack, so if your teammates have other sources of temp HP a lot of your features end up being useless. If Lux gives an Inspiring Leader speech that extra health will be appreciated but it’ll stop you from getting maximum value from your other features.

It takes a monster to gut one - Almost all your damage is slashing bludgeoning, and while it does overcome resistance to magic it won’t overcome general damage resistances. Yes you can take a weapon as backup but you’re still very limited in damage types.

Zaun will watch you bleed - You spell slots and more importantly your Ki points are limited, and only come back after a Long Rest. While Way of the Long Death doesn’t take as much Ki as other Monk subclasses you still need your points for Stunning Strikes, Flurry of Blows, and Mastery of Death. If the long rests come frequently this won’t be an issue but you’ll quickly wear out over prolonged combat.

But even the best dog can get tired out. Run into combat, pounce the important targets, get a snack to sustain you, and keep fighting until your enemies are nothing more than red mist. Take frequent jungle breaks and focus on objectives, and seriously: don’t bite your enemies. That’s weird.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

ALTERNATE BUILD OPTIONS

More Monk levels?

Like I said you only really need 3 levels in Ranger for Colossus Slayer, and more levels in Monk will give you better Martial Arts damage, Diamond Soul, as well as Touch of the Long Death (IE worse Quivering Palm.) 16 Monk / 4 Ranger is a perfectly good build to keep the same number of Ability Score increases and still grab DS, though it does mean you lose out on TotLD. 17 Mk / 3 Rg would give you TotLD but lose out on one ASI, but considering that this would only mean slightly worse AC and saving throws that’s not too terrible, especially if you’re using something other than Standard Array.

[freewheelshippin]

30 utapri questions!

Thanks @dekiaibadchoices​ for the tag, this was an awesome way to wind down after a ton of nonstop busy busy busy!!! (and thanks for tagging this blog vs the general utapri one so i can REALLY gush LOL) Here’s the OG meme! 

1. Your best boy?

BANANAMAN RAN WHO ELSE  

2. Your least favorite boy?

“least favorite” implies dislike which...not true! truthfully it’s much of HEAVENS by nature of ‘I haven’t spent as much time getting to know these characters so I don’t really know who they are.’ (though I already know I love to go for drinks and snacks with Van hehe) i do like all of HEAVENS quite a bit from what i’ve seen so far but that affection has not had time to ripen! 

3. A character that you never thought you would love as much as you do now?

mnmnj ranran tbh 

4. A character you can relate to in any way?

I can’t answer everything with Ranmaru but like. His ambition, straightforwardness, and how the soul and spirit of music motivate him to move forward beyond a tough past are things I same hat so much ;; But HONESTLY I also relate a lot to Masa and Tokiya, especially in their moments of self-doubt and dramatic commitment to to their art? 

5. A character that you think deserves more love?

Oh, Cecil, without a doubt. He’s such a resilient, committed, and open-hearted cutie and gets really shafted by canon tbh. Which makes it harder for everyone to see what a great boy this sweetie is! But I appreciate how Shining Live has given him some room to have really cute and standout moments so everyone can love him more but okay like, give me more Ceci and Ran palling around I love him most when they’re up to shenanigans 

6. A character you would want as your partner?

well we’re posting this fuckin here so you all fuckin know (im very embarrass rn i can barely say it lmao) 

(for the record i would also very much like to be friends with reiji and syo, they are cool people i think i’d get along with! and i know myself, if i knew otoya or masato IRL i’d just be like ‘well. that’s my son now’ and basically appoint myself their tough big sis-type-friend lookin out for them lol) 

7. A character you would want as your mentor/senpai?

I would swallow a pinecone before I called him ‘onii-san’ but teach me how to network kotobuki-senpai 

(No, like, forreal, I suck so, so bad at a ton of stuff Reiji is aces at, and I respect the hell out of his *waves* general everything and skilll navigating the industry. Since I’m a goofy, jokey, overenthusiastic teacher for work a lot it’d be nice to be on the receiving end of all that energy! and be a fucking decent kouhai that isn’t so horribly unappreciative of all his hard work and good cheer ) 

8. Your favorite ship?

shut your whore mouth i dont have the marbles to write it out 

(tbh it’s also Haru/Tomo, I just feel so much more romantic chemistry between those two than Haru and any of the boys u___u  Friends’ selfship stuff goes without saying, haha, and ngl I’m kind of About a Ren/Van rivalry hatemance? can i call it a kismesis thing? it’s a kismesis thing.) 

(actually no I think I’m just a member of the “Ren Fucks and sometimes it’s Hatesex” club) 

9. A character that you want to cosplay/have already cosplayed?

I had plans to cosplay Ranmaru a couple months ago bc it’s really not much of a stretch for my wardrobe, haha, but I dunno about that anymore! Part of it was wanting the Euphoria of looking like a tough, twunky, princely anime character but tbqh I’m already that every day of my life so 

I suppose if you were to pull my leg I’d go for cosplaying Van, mostly because I wanna try that mullet on for myself. 

10. Favorite side character?

TOMO!! LOVE U BITCH WHEN WILL I HEAR U SINGGGGGG 

11. Your favorite solo song?

god this is horrible how can I decide??? so many good ones??? I think it’s a draw between Top Star Revolution, No. 1, Brand New Melody, Wild Soul, Seien Brave Heart, and Junketsu Nara Ai ~Aspiration~ ??? 

12. Your favorite duet song?

HMMMMM again too many good ones. Three-way tie between Haru Hana, NorthWind and SunShine, and Original Resonance! 

13. Your favorite trio song?

Ahhh Dream More than Love is really nostalgic bc it’s the first Utapri song I really loved, but i gotta be real. It’s just Egoistic. There’s just no getting better than Egoistic 

14. Your favorite group song?

mmmm i’m be basic. Poison Kiss 

15. Your least favorite song?

I love Ai and Shouta Aoi’s incredible voice but......I’m really not a fan of super slow, overly-saccharine songs. u__u so A.I. really, really doesn’t land with me, much less so than easygoing (like Knocking on the Mind) or somber (like Winter Blossom) songs. 

16. Your favorite singer?

ranran...it’s always ranran...

(I do also adore Natsuki’s and Camus’s voices! I tend to like deeper, richer vocal qualities, but you just can’t beat Ranmaru’s subtle growls and high-energy rock!!!! <3) 

17. Your favorite group/trio/duo?

god what combo of these idiots DONT i love? I could watch Reiji prank and tease Ranmaru all fuckin day, and I also really like it when Ran’s at his most ‘tuff big bro-y’ with, like, Ai, Otoya, and Cecil!!! but honestly I do like how the Ran/Masa/Ren trio isn’t so straightforward and is more or less held together by a thin string of professionalism, there’s something i appreciate about not forcing ppl to just bury the hatchet and be Perfect Friends but you all can still care about each other? (Ranmaru needs to be nicer to them still but...) 

i need to suggest one that isn’t ranmaru centric fjdsioafjsa i fuckin love Soccer Buds (otosyo) and I loooooove it when Otoya and Cecil are good to each other!!! 

18. Your favorite member of Starish?

they’re all my favorite but if you REALLY had to make me pick.....Masato, probably, haha. I just...if you take yourself too seriously and care so much about everything but still know how to be Nasty how can I not love you??? 

19. Your favorite member of Quartet Night?

what do you fuckin think, hoss 

20. Your favorite member of Heavens?

I mentioned earlier I don’t really know Heavens well, so ofc this is all liable to change! But off the bat I love what a conniving yet wholesome bastard Eiichi is and Van is just the kinda guy I would rib and pal around with IRL!! 

21. Your favorite seiyuu/voice actor?

Ahhh that’s tough! I love all these goofbags, and Tattsun really is just so cool and makes music I’m pretty about. But I think I gotta give it to Suwabe, his performances are always so him but still pretty varied, and how can you not adore a man who loves his chihuahuas that much??? 

(if i’m being 100% honest Tattsun lost points bc he voices my absolute least favorite character in granblue ffjsfjisda) 

22. Favorite Drama CD?

HMMMMMMM see as a certified Giant Tool for Everything Mecha and silly and extra, I enjoyed the hell out of Polaris, but it really suffers from a lack of Ranmaru in my humble fuckin opinion lmao. So even though I’m not one for pirate stuff most of the time, I gotta give it to Pirates of the Frontier!! I really loved Ranmaru and Otoya’s dynamic in that one, and Camus was juuuuust the right amount of shitheel, too. 

I haven’t heard the whole thing but that thing from Egoistic where Natsuki squeezes Ranmaru to death and Eiichi’s just like ‘WUAHAHAHAHAH’ is also the mcfuckin best. 

23. Your favorite shining live card?

CAN’T PICK 

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PICK?????????? LIKE??? I love the fucking dumb, dumb, dumb ostentatiousness of Evil Villains, I LOVE a good heel, and I also worked so so hard to t1 that event and had a lot of fun doing it!! But also, I just love his big smile and all the energy and mixed prints from Fortune and Prosperity, and it was literally the first time I ever got the exact card I was rolling for in a gacha on the last pull I had left!! (He also came home during a time I was really going through some shit, and ngl it rescued me a little bit!) but AHHHH Soulful Bass also came out right around my birthday, I love all the textures in the outfit and it’s generally the most My Aesthetique thing Utapri has ever released!!! And god, I just love it when he’s so confident and in his element like this, it sets me on FIRE to see him light up the stage wurghjgfj ;___; They all make me just want to HUG SO MUCH ARGGHHHHH 

24. Your favorite song beatmap?

Ahhh I think Shining Live really has great beatmaps across the board so that’s a tough pick! Almost all of them are super fun in their own way, but I think I gotta hand it to Wild Soul, Top Star Revolution, and Innocent Wind! 

25. Your least favorite song beatmap?

A.I. u__u Sorry, Ai...it’s just not fun for me.

26. Black Deja Vu or White Gravity?

Actually I’m really glad for this question bc I’ve been so busy lately I hadn’t given myself the time to really check them out! checking ......... 

and yep. Black Deja Vu. (I mean...Ranmaru is on it, haha.) But I’m so about this. Love this heavier sound and all these harmonies, this is so juicy. (White Gravity also absolutely kicks ass though!! I’m really liking that voice group, it’s making especially good use of those higher registers!) 

27. Utapri merch that you own/want?

Honestly I don’t have much u__u Not a lot of Utapri merch is my thing...you know? I’m mostly shopping for Ran merch if I’m getting any, but I’m very picky about how he gets drawn? Keeping his toughness and a particular clothing style about him is so essential, haha, and barely anything hits that sweet spot for me. But I will say I adored the whole ‘My Favorite Things’ series, and if I had the budget and space atm I’d love to get some of the Ran goodies from that line! 

28. How did you get into Utapri?

I first heard about it through some acquaintances from cosplay before Quartet Night was a thing. It didn’t appeal enough to my heavy metal ass to make me drop everything and try it, but I did have an interest in it I couldn’t explain and I’d always intended on trying it out. (especially after I got into Love Live and idol anime for a bit.) But it was Shining Live that got me! And I really only downloaded Shining Live because I was super exhausted after a business trip, didn’t want to leave bed once I got back home, and just wanted to sink my teeth in something new I could enjoy for hours while lying down, haha.  

29. A set theme in shining live that you want to see in the future?

This will surprise nobody, but something tougher. More rock, more punk, more metal. I want all of them in studs and spikes and leather, and I want less polish. More rough! 

I’d also love a wrestler set complete with who’s-a-heel-who’s-a-face but that’s a pipe dream and a half, lmao. 

30. Why do you love your best boy?

Oh boy. 

I think he’s this powerhouse of a human bean who can face a ton of pain and meet it with a big middle finger. And that middle finger is chasing after ambitious dreams, of spreading the power and soul of the same music that made me who I am and influences so much of my work, but also being ... you know, smart about it? He’s an idol because like, sure, maybe it’s not the OG dream, but you can’t dream if you’re dead, and you also deserve to give yourself a life and platform to share some of who you are, and you can do a lot of good with that, too. (And I won’t lie, I respect the drama of a man who takes his hair that seriously and commits so hard to the aesthetic he wears fuckin mismatched contacts i just. charm point ) 

But at the same time....I don’t know, this might sound presumptuous, but. I think. I just think he’d think I’m as neat as I think he is. I’m an ambitious, passionate person, too, and I also furiously stick to my ideals, and I also love the same kind of soul of music he does. I lean a little more metal than I do rock, but I think that’s nice, like sharing it has that ‘alike but different’ kind of familiarity and novelty all at once. Sometimes it’s tough sharing just how deeply rock and metal have sculpted me and my artwork (and therefore my career), bc it’s so deeply personal to me, and sometimes there’s weird elitism/misogyny/racism to deal with, too. But. The way he talks about rock, the way he describes the passion and how it transcends identity and is just a pure rush of power and sharing your feelings..................it just feels like he Gets it the same way I do. Just that unspoken, burning passion and understanding. I know it sounds weird to feel that strongly over just a music genre, but I just vibe with how to him, it really isn’t ‘just’ a music genre. I feel more accepting of myself for it, and I’d like to think he’d be real proud of himself for that.  

And listen, like....I’m very sentimental, but I really don’t like saccharine, flowery, romantic kinds of affection to be lavished on me. Just be straightforward but also a little tsun about it fjdsjfas and ..... those are the kind of feelings I can accept. And that’s the way Ranmaru is, and it’s also grounded in the kind of reality that I don’t like to be swept away from. He’s just so cool and hardworking and unwavering in his passion, it makes it easier for me to do the same despite all the bumps in the road. This got real long but Ran’s a cool dude, haha, I got a lot of positives to say. 

Anyways, I never tag folks for these things, but I love seeing everyone’s answers! If you see this and wanna fill it, feel free to count this as a tag from me :) I know this got real long, but with 30 questions how could it not haha? Thanks for reading and sticking around! 

[meplassewriteblr]

Writing Advice: Plus size characters

Hi!

Before we begin, my posting schedule has started to change from Thursdays to Fridays because of school. So yeah. That’s that. 

All right. Plus size characters. Why now, you ask? Because I felt like talking about it. And because I’m pretty sure my friends and family were tired of me talking about it, so now I put my ideas down on paper (or more appropriately, on screen!). I know this is something we don’t talk about much, but the amount of fatphobia I find in children’s fiction is staggering. Later in this post that has become an essay, I will be giving advice that could apply to virtually any plus size character, in any genre, but I will be talking from the perspective of someone who, these days, reads mostly in her main writing genre, A.K.A. middle grade fiction. Stay tuned for a few pieces of advice on writing plus size characters at the end.

First of all, why middle grade fiction? 

I blame J. K. Rowling for this. I know, I know. It’s easy to critique J. K. Rowling nowadays, with Fantastic Beasts, Cursed Child and the History of North America being terrible for representation of any kind. So let me say this beforehand. Harry Potter is a staple of the genre (this book series is mainly what made the middle grade fiction genre in the first place) and is, unavoidably, one of the most important book series in modern literature. Full stop. I’m also a Harry Potter fan, Hufflepuff through and through. I have to admit though, I mostly watched the Harry Potter movies growing up and haven’t read all the books. 

Okay. With all that out of the way. From what I remember in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone... 

*Sigh*... It’s bad, you guys.

Whenever the Dursleys are mentioned as being evil (which, of course, they completely are!) it’s in relation to their weight. Dudley is a pig (and gets transformed into one by Hagrid, traumatising him for life probably) and Vernon becomes purple like a plum, because of his round face. He also looks like a walrus, because of his weight and his silly moustache. Sure, Petunia looks like a horse because she has a long, slim neck and a weird-looking face, but Petunia will also become the most important character out of the three Dursleys, being Harry’s biological aunt and Lily’s sister. She gets a full on backstory and character development.

You see where I’m going with this?

I’m not saying that plus size people can’t be villains (in real life or books!). Of course, they can be! There are evil people everywhere. And JKR definitely wanted to contrast Harry’s small stature (being underfed, malnourished and abused) with Dudley’s (who is loved and spoiled rotten by his parents). But in fiction, you have to be careful with the words you choose. Be sensitive. Characters can be hated, but the point of view (omniscient or first person) doesn’t have to always correlate their weight with their evilness. 

To mention another example that doesn’t have anything to do with HP, remember Augustus Gloop in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? He’s basically dehumanized (he’s just a boy, after all) BECAUSE he eats all the time and gained weight because of it. Of course, all those kids are treated terribly by Willy Wonka to, again, show how privileged they are compared to poor little Charlie. But see how it’s because of his weight that Augustus, the only “fat kid” of the bunch, gets hated, though? I’m only referring to Augustus because, well, Roald Dahl in 1964 played a part in putting fatphobia in children’s fiction. Fatphobia in children’s fiction has deep roots. It’s just unfortunate that in 2019, it’s still a problem. 

To go back to JKR and the Dursleys (because OH BOY is there a lot to say about the Dursleys)... It’s bad. And it doesn’t get any better. Especially when it’s only after Dudley loses weight (he goes on a diet in Goblet of Fire because he, according to Wikipedia because I haven’t read the book, COULDN’T FIT IN HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM!!!) that he gets a redemption arc (in Deathly Hallows). What do you think that did to a generation of kids who, like me, had/have trouble finding clothes their size? Especially school uniforms that were never flattering? I may not have realized that when I was younger, but that still seeped under my skin. Not just because of the Dursleys, but also society at large.

Now, as an addendum to this section and to be fair to JKR, there are other plus size characters in her books. Neville (who was thin in the movies), Mrs. Weasley and Hagrid come to mind. But then again, I don’t think that’s good in any way. Most of the characters are thin, for the most part. Enough has been said about Neville, Hagrid is his weight because he’s half non-human and Mrs. Weasley is always described as “pleasantly plump” from what I remember. So if you’re nice, you’re “plump”. If you’re mean, you’re “fat”.

Okay. Deep breath. Rant mostly over.

Second of all, why is Harry Potter so important now? It’s been over for years!

Well, no, it hasn’t. Fantastic Beasts is still going, for one. And though I love Jacob, the fact his weight can’t be disassociated with the fact he’s a baker who also worked in a sardine factory beforehand (really?? food?? again???) and CAN’T FIT INSIDE NEWT SCAMANDER’S SUITCASE EVEN THOUGH A MAGICAL RHINO DOES rubs me the wrong way. Besides, JKR’s fatphobia has also seeped into fandom space and you can’t read a HP fanfiction without encountering fatphobia. But that’s a matter for another day. 

What’s really important here is legacy. As I said before, Harry Potter is one of the most important works of fiction in modern literary history. It paved the way for modern children’s fiction, notwithstanding 20th century books (The Chronicles of Narnia and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory come to mind) that aren’t getting any younger. Nowadays, it’s hard to find a middle grade book that doesn’t have an ounce of fatphobia. It’s become… casual. Accepted. In a book I opened not long ago (I’m paraphrasing here), one of the villains was described as “obese” and his mastermind plan was, instead of plotting to take over the world or something, to eat everything in his path, including the heroes ON THE VERY FIRST PAGE. I closed the book, never to be read again.

Which is a bummer. Because I want to read more books. Especially in middle grade, because I adore this genre. But because fatphobia is so pervasive to this genre, after a while, it gets difficult to stop caring. At first, you wrinkle your nose. Then, you get angry. And it really starts to hurt. And I’m not even the target audience! Children are! This is the reason why I want to be a sensitivity reader, one day.

Third of all, the advice for writers. How can you avoid this?

1. On terminology: I hate the words “fat” and “obese”. Some people don’t. I do. Those words have been used as insults against me. And sometimes, not even on purpose, but on accident! I prefer “plus size”, “chubby”, “overweight” (use that word with caution, though, sparingly, and please, not as a negative but simply as a descriptive word), “plump” (remember Molly Weasley? That was good, but don’t do what JKR did by making her plum and the Dursleys “fat”). “Stout” or “corpulent” are also good.

2. Don’t associate overweight = evil. It’s okay to write plus size villains (if you must), but be kind to them. Give them a personality other than “““glutton”””. Give them a fully-fleshed out backstory that doesn’t have anything to do with food (see: Jacob in FB). What works with villains works with heroes, but be even more extra careful. 

3. Everybody gotta eat, right? If you show your characters eating, show them all (or more than one) eating at the same time. Probably around the table (as a nice ritual of sorts!). But don’t let your ONE plus size character eat and eat and eat in the background, never talking (that’s a mistake I saw in the anime Little Witch Academia, which is to say, fatphobia is present in all genres).

4. This relates to the last point, but don’t have only one plus size character. In one of my favourite movies, The Greatest Showman, I didn’t care that one of the characters was “the fattest man on Earth”. Why? Because KEALA SETTLE IS RIGHT THERE. She has a fully-fleshed out backstory that doesn’t have anything to do with her weight. Or food. (Though it could’ve gone a different way; the Bearded Lady is thin in concept art, after all, I’m eternally happy they reconsidered for Keala). And BTW, you don’t need to give a supernatural explanation for their weight (see Hagrid). If you do have non-human plus size characters, let there also be human plus size characters.

5. Don’t use “fat jokes”. Those are boring and cliché. Like with Dudley and the pig tail. Or… Ha, ha. The “fat guy” is too big, so he gets stuck in a ventilation vent. A thin guy has to get him out! How pathetic. Bleh. And it’s not just in books! They pop up in movies and TV shows, too. Don’t. Just don’t.

6. Last but not least, if you need help figuring out if one of your characters is insensitive, ask sensitivity readers! Ask your friends. Or your family! Just be kind when you’re asking. Explain the situation and if they say they’re not interested, don’t push.

Thank you for reading this (if anyone’s still reading this mess of an essay). 

Stay inspired!

Marianne E. Plasse

[aceofstars16]

Trapped in the Past (Chapter 5)

Fifth Chapter of my Timetrapped AU inspired by @artsycrapfromsai

When Mabel and Dipper fight over a time machine, they find themselves sent back thirty years in the past. Now it’s up to the younger versions of their great uncles to get them home.

Chapter 5 - Scam Artists 

Mabel helps Stan with a small con job and Dipper runs into something unexpected...

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 6 - 7

AO3

Mabel watched as the landscape passed by, her face pressed up against the cool window. She glanced at the floor, where she had placed the time machine, and barely managed to hold back a sigh. Every time she looked at it, she felt a knot of unease and sorrow grow in her stomach. Was she really doing the right thing? Or was there even a right thing to do in her circumstance? If only she had a way to make sure Dipper was okay, or to figure out where he was, or…something…

“You okay kiddo?”

Stan’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked over at him. He glanced at her for a moment before looking back at the road, but in that second, she saw concern on his face. If only she could tell him…

“Yeah it’s…fine…” Pulling her sweater up to her ears, Mabel tried to believe it. To remind herself this was the only option - the only real solution she had.

“Thinking about your brother, huh?” There was a heaviness to Stan’s voice that made her pull the sweater down so she could see and hear clearly again.

“How did you…?” She sighed and looked at the time machine, touching it with her foot. “Yeah, I just hope he’s okay…”

“I’m sure he’s fine…he’s a smart kid, yeah?” Something in the way Stan spoke made her wonder if he was really talking about Dipper or his brother. Ford. She still wanted to know more about him, but her thoughts were divided between that and her own worries.

“Sometimes…though he’s not the most social person. I usually helped him with that…”

“Oh…”

Looking at Stan, Mabel felt a question rising up in her mind, and since she couldn’t really think of anything else to talk about, she took a shot at it. “Were you and uh…Ford, close?”

If Mabel hadn’t been looking at him, she might not have noticed the tiny wince on his face, but she did. And she immediately regretted it. Opening her mouth, she was about to take it back, but Stan’s voice stopped her.

“Yeah…he was my best friend you know? I…it’s a twin thing I guess.”

“Wait, he’s your twin?!?” Shock coursed through Mabel. How in the world did she not only know that Stan didn’t have another brother, but that said brother was his twin?

“Eh, yeah. Had some fun times pretending to be each other. We even mastered each other’s voices. Heh, we messed with a lot of people back in the day.” A lightness overcame Stan as he spoke, a genuine smile growing on his face. Which disappeared as soon as Mabel asked her next question.

“What happened?”

A shadow passed over Stan’s face and he sighed. “I…oh look at that.” Stan pointed at a cliff outcropping that was being highlighted by the sun. It was pretty but not something Mabel thought he would normally point out. Man, what had happened between him and his brother?

“It looks like a big mouth.” Mabel tried focusing on the outcropping, but it was hard to do when she really just wanted to talk about Ford more. Or figure out if there was something else she should be doing instead of going to Gravity Falls. Both questions were weighing her down, and it wasn’t fun in the slightest.  

Silence grew between them, and despite knowing Stan wouldn’t want to talk she had to know. Or at least try to find out… “Was it a fight?”

Stan’s grip tightened on the steering wheel but he didn’t say anything. Maybe he was pretending he hadn’t heard her – he had done that in the past. Or future if she wanted to be technical.

“Dipper and I fight sometimes.” She didn’t really know what else to say, or if there was anything she could say to get Stan to tell her what had happened. But just mentioning fights brought up guilt over the Waddles incident. “…we…we fought before we got separated.” And maybe none of this would’ve happened if I had just let him have his day with Wendy. She didn’t voice the last bit, but she thought it. The thought had crossed her mind a lot the past few days…

A sigh. “Sorry about that, kiddo…I…I’m sure it’ll all work out.” Though the words were comforting, they sounded more depressed then encouraging, as if he wasn’t even thinking about her and Dipper. Okay, so a fight was probably the reason behind him not wanting to talk about Ford. But it must have been a big one. She couldn’t imagine any fight would ever make her not want to talk about Dipper. Sure, sometimes he could be stupid after a fight, but that only lasted a little while. And they usually laughed about it later. So what kind of fight could break up twins?

“You getting hungry?”

Stan’s voice shook her out of her thoughts – though they still lingered at the back of her mind – and she looked out the window. There were signs lining the roadside, advertising a few different restaurants. Now that she thought about it, she was pretty hungry. But she wasn’t stupid. She had seen how little cash Stan had, and how he had sped away from a gas station without paying.

“I’m good.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, a frown on his face. “Sure you are…”

They stopped at a small food chain that Mabel had never heard of, so it must only be a chain in Utah or something.

As Stan pulled in, Mabel glanced worriedly at him. “Really, I’m okay…”

“I’ve heard your stomach grumble three times since I mentioned food, kiddo, now come on.” He opened his door and Mabel hesitantly followed suit. But as she walked around the car, she saw him frowning at the few coins in his hand.

Upon hearing her shoes crunching on the gravel of the parking lot, he looked up and shoved the money in his pocket again. “Say…how’s your acting?”

Oh this was the Stan she knew. And while Dipper didn’t approve of Stan’s schemes, Mabel found them fun and usually somewhat harmless. Besides, maybe doing something familiar would help ease her mind about this whole mess. “I’ve been in every play my school has put on.”

As she spoke, she grinned and he matched it.

“Great, now, here’s the plan…”

“Oh this one is much cleaner than the last one!” Mabel practically shouted as she hopped around, looking at each of the pictures hung up on the wall of the restaurant. Normally she didn’t pay too much attention to them, but it fit into the plan and they actually were interesting. People cooking burgers, cartoon characters sharing burgers. Kind of silly but hey, there was nothing wrong with that.

“You’re right, these floors look recently swept. That will give them some extra points.” Stan said, bending down to examine the colorful tile.

“Um…can I help you?”

An employee was looking at them from behind the counter, confusion written all over his face.

“You sure can! I’m a scout for the Best Burgers contest, and we’re here to judge this fine establishment!” The words rolled easily off of Stan’s tongue, a grin punctuating the end of his sentence.

“Uh…Burgers 4 U is a chain…” The employee – Steve – said, looking at Stan, confusion still lining his face.

“We are judging all burger joints, chain or not. Every place has a different manager and staff, right? So it’s only fair to judge them all!” As he spoke, Stan tossed his hands up in the air and looked around, still grinning.

“And yours is one of the best ones we’ve been to so far!” Mabel piped in, pointing to the cartoon painting. “This looks original!”  

“Umm…” Steve looked at Mabel and at Stan. “Why did you bring your daughter with you to judge restaurants?”

Stan stared for a moment, as did Mabel. Saying he was her uncle wasn’t hard at all since he was her great uncle but there was something a little strange about having someone assume he was her dad. Though it kind of made sense in a way. They did look related after all.

“Gotta have the kid’s perspective too, right? ‘Sides, her mom couldn’t watch her this weekend and she loves burgers.” Mabel was surprised how quickly he came up with a cover, but this was Stan, quick covers seemed to come easy for him. Though it did sound a little more strained than some of his other lies, but Steve just shrugged, so it was still a win.

“Okay, so uh…you want to order or…?”

“First things first! There is a small entry fee.” As he spoke, Steve frowned, but Stan rushed on. “Only to expand the prize money of course. The winning restaurant gets it all, and just between you and me.” Stan lowered his voice and bent closer to Steve as if to make sure they were the only ones who could hear the next words despite there being no other costumers in the building. “Your establishment is already better than most of the places we’ve been to this week.”

“Umm…okay…uh…” Steve looked around, biting his lip. “My boss isn’t here right this second, maybe we could wait till he gets back-“

“Making the customer wait on the manager. Sweetie why don’t you write that one down.”

Mabel froze, because she didn’t actually have anything to write notes down on. But after a second, she stuck a hand in her skirt pocket. Act like you have everything you need, even if you don’t. That was one of the lessons she remembered from her play rehearsals.

“Wait, wait, um…how about I get you your food first? He should be back by then.” Steve tried for a smile, and Mabel felt a little bad for scamming him. She was pretty sure he was just trying to do his job and not pass up something his boss would be interested in. But her and Stan needed food, and he would be okay…right?

“Sure thing, I’ll have a number three with extra fries and, Mabel sweetie, what do you want?”

The question caught Mabel off guard for a second, mainly because she hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. But she narrowed her eyes and tried quickly skimming over the kid’s meal options. “I’ll have the Jr. Deluxe kid’s meal!”

Steve nodded as he turned his attention to the screen in front of him and pressed a few buttons – some of which seemed to stick because he hit them a few times. “Alright, that will be-“

“Hmm, charging the judges for their meals, make a note of that.” Stan stage whispered to Mabel, effectively cutting Steve off from saying the price.

“Umm…” Steve glanced at the screen, then at Stan and Mabel. “You can have as seat; I’ll get this out soon.”

Stan nodded. “That’s what I like to hear. Got some points going for you.” He winked then grabbed the cups Steve had pulled out for their sodas and confidently strode towards the drink dispenser.

A few minutes later, Mabel was sipping some sort of off brand soda while munching on fries and a somewhat bland burger with tasteless toppings that didn’t add much flavor. But she was so hungry she didn’t even care. Food was food. And as she glanced up at Stan - who was tearing into his burger - she was pretty sure he felt the same way.

As she took the last bite of her burger, Mabel saw Stan looking at the counter, a thoughtful frown on his face. “Alright kiddo, let’s see if we can get that ‘entry’ money…and maybe a milkshake if you want it.” As he spoke, he reached out and ruffled her hair before picking up the tray and making his way to the trash.

Mabel quickly got up and followed him, trying to push aside the guilt as she glanced at Steve. It wasn’t that much money and they really did need it. Especially because she didn’t know if Stan would be able to get away with not paying for gas again. At least not without getting into trouble.  

Making his way back to the counter, Stan grinned at Steve. “Your boss back yet?”

Steve glanced around nervously. “Not yet…”

Stan made a tsk sound. “Well, I can just pay and we can be on our way. After all, I can’t enter you without the money.”

It was a bluff. Mabel was pretty sure Stan didn’t have enough money to pay for the food they had just eaten. And if Steve took the offer…Mabel prepared herself to run.

“I…well…How much is it to enter?”

“Twenty dollars.” Stan came up with the amount so fast, Mabel couldn’t help but wonder when he had come up with that number. It didn’t seem like a lot to her but she vaguely remembered Dipper talking about how money had been worth more a few decades ago…maybe that had something to do with it?

Despite the amount sounding very low to Mabel, Steve looked worried. “I’m not sure if I can…”

“Well, I guess we’ll just scratch this one off of the list and be on our way…”

“Wait! I…let me just…” Steve opened up the cash register and started counting out a few bills, worry furrowing his brow. As he looked up, he hesitantly handed it to Stan.

Stan took it and counted it carefully. “That should do it! And your odds of winning are looking pretty good.” He winked and grinned, then turned to look at Mabel. “Ready to go, pumpkin?” A questioning look grew on his face, and somehow she could tell it wasn’t because he actually wanted to leave. Milkshake. She remembered what he had said, but despite loving sweet things, Mabel could see the uncertainty on Steve’s face and she just smile and nodded.

“Yup, ready!”

Stan frowned at her, but let her lead him out of the restaurant. After all, she was pretty full and…leaving while they were ahead was the safer route. Plus, skipping out on scamming someone was something Dipper would approve of. Not that he was here but…she didn’t want any little thing to get between them. Not a pig, or a milkshake, or anything else. So, she led Stan to the car and hopped into the passenger’s side without a word.

She could feel Stan looking at her, but she focused on a loose stitch on her sweater.

Then the car rumbled to life and they were on their way again.

Stan leaned back in his seat, trying to get comfortable, but deep down he didn’t know if he would actually sleep at all.

Looking at the backseat, he saw Mabel curled up, his bag under her head as a makeshift pillow. As he watched, she shivered and without really thinking, he took off his jacket and draped it over her. It was the least he could do since he couldn’t afford a hotel. Or at least, not if they wanted to keep some of the money they had managed to scam out of that kid at the burger place. Getting a hotel room would take most of, if not all of the twenty bucks and Stan was pretty sure he would need to fill up a few more times before they made it to Oregon. So, sleeping in the car was the only reasonable option. After all, he didn’t want to be flippant with the money Mabel had helped him get.

The thought brought a small smile to his face. Mabel had been great. He was surprised how well she had played along. Almost like it was a game. Part of him felt bad for dragging her down to his level, but she hadn’t seemed to mind too much. Apart from the milkshake. She seemed to have more of a conscious about scamming people than he did. Though once upon a time he might’ve been a little more hesitant about it too. But now it was the only way he could survive so…he did what he had to do.

Letting out a breath, he caught sight of the tape measure that was still sitting in the front seat. He hesitantly picked it up and turned it over in his hand, frowning as he saw some circuit boards and other things that he didn’t think tape measures normally came equipped with. Maybe it was a toy or something…but his gut told him otherwise. He looked at Mabel again and couldn’t help but wonder what she wasn’t telling him. But he couldn’t force her to tell him. He would just have to be patient, or hope that her great uncle would be able to help her. And her brother.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Stan felt a small stab of worry and pain. He didn’t know what had happened between her and her brother. But he sure hoped it would work out better than him and Ford…But then again, Ford had asked him to come so…maybe there was still some hope for them too. Though he tried to tell himself not to get his hopes up. There was no telling why Ford had called on him so suddenly, it might not have anything to do with their broken relationship…  

Placing the measuring tape back on the passenger’s seat, Stan pulled the postcard out from the armrest and flipped it over to look at the writing. Please Come was the most prominent part of it, and everything looked normal for Ford. Then again, Stan didn’t really know what was normal for his brother anymore. But as he looked closer, he couldn’t help but notice a few ink splatters on the corner, and a few lines that looked a little shaky. Anxiety grew in his stomach and all he wanted to do was turn on the car and drive all night till he got to Gravity Falls. And for a second, the idea took hold and he stuck the key into the ignition, only to stop as he realized how hard it was to move his arm even that short distance. His body was exhausted. After all, he really hadn’t slept much last night.

With a groan he pulled the key out and leaned back again. A few hours and he would be good to go. Though as he tried to find a more comfortable position, he couldn’t help but wonder how well he would actually sleep. Anxiety didn’t really aid in falling asleep. But he had to try. Because he needed rest to drive safely. And he needed to drive safe, for Mabel’s sake. Plus, he wouldn’t really be able to help Ford if he got into a wreck either. Just a quick nap. That’s all he needed. Give me that, just two hours or so. He pleaded with his brain as he closed his eyes and tried not to think about all of the worries and uncertainties crowding his mind. It seemed an impossible task, but eventually his exhaustion won and sleep overtook him.

The ceiling was so clean, at least compared to what Dipper was used to - though there were still some stains here and there. Not nearly as many as there were in 2012 though. He tried seeing if any looked like an animal or something but that was really more Mabel’s forte. It was better than thinking about his current situation, though it wasn’t doing a very good job as his mind kept coming back to Mabel, and Ford, and what the heck he was supposed to do. What he wanted to do was go back to the attic and see if he could find some answers. But he wasn’t quite sure where Ford was and he didn’t really want to risk any more backlash even if Ford had given him food and actually seemed interested in his findings. Crap. Had that been smart? Would that create inconsistencies in the future? Well, he couldn’t really take it back now. It wasn’t like he could wipe Ford’s memory or anything. Hopefully it would be okay… Maybe Ford wouldn’t even think about it too much, he did seem kind of…odd. Off his kilter or something. Even more so that Dipper would’ve expected.

Closing his eyes, Dipper wondered if he could actually fall asleep. It would be more like a nap than anything. After all, he wasn’t really that tired, but there was only so much he could do while pretending to be asleep.

Or maybe…trying to tune out his thoughts, Dipper listened closely. The only thing he could hear was the wind outside and the heater working furiously to keep the room warm. No stairs creaking, no muttering, nothing to indicate that Ford was nearby. If he was quiet, maybe he could sneak up to the attic.

Sitting up slowly, Dipper looked around, but didn’t see any sign of Ford either, and it was still quiet too. Pushing the blankets aside, he slowly made his way out of the parlor, keeping an eye out for Ford as he went. So far so good.

One step, then another. Stepping over a spot on the ground that was known for creaking, at least in the future - just in case. Ducking behind a wall because he thought he heard something. Continuing onward a moment later when everything seemed clear. Almost there.

“Well, well, well! Whacha up to kiddo?”

Dipper jumped straight up at the sudden sound before fumbling to turn around.

Ford was staring at him, a huge grin lighting his face. That was…odd…

“Uh…I was just uh…getting some water…” Dipper came up with the excuse on the spot. If Ford was even more out of it than before, he really didn’t want to risk upsetting him.

“Don’t let me stop you, I’m just on my way to the lab, hahaha!” Ford’s grin didn’t falter once while talking, and as he spoke, Dipper noticed something even stranger. He blinked with one eye, then the other…and it almost looked like one eye was bloodshot.

Turning on his heels in a very jaunty way, Ford started making his way towards the gift shop. But as Dipper watched, he felt a growing sense of unease in his gut. Something did not seem right. Sure, Dipper didn’t really know Ford, but…what he had just witnessed did not line up with how Ford had been acting the last few days. Had he finally cracked under some sort of pressure? Or had he just lost it completely?

Whatever it was, Dipper couldn’t help but feel that Ford wasn’t really in shape to be working in the lab, especially after the warning he had given Dipper a few hours ago.

“Wait!” Trying not to pay attention to the fear growing in his chest, Dipper raced after Ford, reaching him just as he opened the bookcase.

“Oh look who’s back. I thought you were getting a drink of water Pine Tree.”

“Pine Tree…?”

“Go on, I have lots of important equations to fix!”

Dipper stared at Ford, watching as he blinked again, one eye at a time, just like before. A chill ran down his back.

“Are you…are you sure you are up to it?” It was the first thing that Dipper could think of, and as soon as he said it, he winced. That sounded very rude.

But Ford’s only response was a laugh, a very loud, long, laugh. “I’ve never been better! Just got work to do!”

Not reprimand, no yelling at him to leave. And laughter. Dipper hadn’t heard Ford laugh more than a chuckle…Maybe he had been off of his game before and now he was actually back to normal but…it didn’t feel right at all.

“Could you help me find a water cup?” Dipper didn’t know what he was doing, but every inch of his body was telling him to do something, to make sure Ford really was okay. Because this was Gravity Falls, and anything was possible in Gravity Falls. There was no telling what kind of things could mess with people here.

“Ha, good one. You can find it yourself, kid. Now, I’m off to work!”

Fear pulsed through Dipper, but he couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling that he could not let Ford get to the lab. And before he knew what he was doing, he bolted forward, barring Ford’s way into the secret hallway.

“Hey, what are you doing Pine Tree?”

For the first time since this encounter started, Ford actually growled. He seemed very annoyed, which was more normal for him…Maybe he was just-

A flash of light caught Ford’s eyes and Dipper froze. Because they did not look right, they looked like…cat’s eyes… Wait, wasn’t there something in the journal about…?

“Out of my way!” Ford shoved Dipper into the wall, pushing his way to the elevator.

Dipper didn’t know what was going on, his brain was blanking on the exact details of the creature he had read about in the journal. But there was one thing he did know. The machine in the basement was dangerous, and if some creature was trying to get to it…he had to stop them. And if Ford really was just crazy well…he’d deal with the consequences of that.

Scrambling to his knees, Dipper dove forward, grabbing Ford’s legs and making him stumble.

“Hey, what the…?”

“I don’t know what you are or if you are just losing it but I’m not letting you into that room!”

“Get OFF ME!”

Ford kicked Dipper, hard, slamming him into the ground.

Pain radiated through Dipper’s body and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Fear engulfed every inch of his body as he tried to get air into his lungs. The elevator doors rolled open. Ford grinned at him.

No! Dipper scrambled forward, his vision going blurry as he rolled into the small enclosure. Opening his mouth, he tried desperately to breathe again, and his lungs finally complied.

“Not a smart move, kiddo.”

Gasping for a moment, Dipper forced himself to look up at Ford, only to press himself up against the wall at the murderous look in his eyes.

Terror gripped every inch of his mind and body. What was he doing? He couldn’t stand up to an adult, he was just a kid. Ford was much bigger than him and he didn’t have anything he could use to defend himself besides his hands.

“Tell you what, I’ll give you one more chance, Pine Tree. Stay on this elevator and pretend this never happened. But if not well…”

He should take the deal. His brain screamed at him to just stay still, to do nothing. But…

“…you might make a good pawn for Sixer…or your sister.”

Anger cut through the fear. Mabel. He brought Mabel into this. There was no way Dipper was letting this thing hurt Mabel in anyway. Especially if it knew where she was…

The doors swung open and Ford strolled out. Taking a deep breath, Dipper lunged at his back.

They both fumbled to the ground.

“THAT’S IT!”

Ford kicked Dipper again, sending him flying, but unlike last time, Dipper still had his breath. He jumped again, trying to pull Ford away from the machinery, doing anything he could to stop him. Kicking, biting, tripping, anything.

“ENOUGH!” Ford kicked Dipper away again, murder glistening in his eyes.

Everything hurt. Dipper didn’t know the last time he had ever felt this much pain. He could barely look up, let alone keep trying to hinder Ford.

But this time Ford wasn’t stalking towards the machines, he was coming towards Dipper.

Crap…was this it? Would…whatever thing controlling Ford actually kill him? Just to get to the machine?

All of the adrenaline that had been fueling Dipper was dying. Fear came back full force as tears started forming in his eyes. He didn’t want to die. Not here, not without making it up to Mabel, not at the hands of his hero. But what else could he do?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a wrench on the floor. It was a few feet away, but he fumbled forward. Maybe if he could get a good hit in, he could do…something…?

A lunge for the tool, a growl from Ford as he tried to reach it first. Feeling the weight in his hand as he wrapped his fingers around the metal tool and swung, right at Ford’s head.

The clang echoed around the room as Ford fumbled and fell to the ground.

Breathe coming in gasps, tears fell from Dipper’s eyes as everything sunk in. As his body almost shut down from sheer shock and exhaustion.

“Wh…wha…?”

Ford’s voice sent a spike of fear through Dipper’s body, but he could only look at Ford as he felt his head, then looked up at Dipper. Blood was dripping from his right eye, which was shut tight. Confusion flicked on Ford’s face for a moment, but then he touched his eye and as he pulled it back his expression was one of utter terror.

“Oh no…”

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Magia Record 4 | Uchitama 3 - 5 | Eizouken 5 | Iruma-kun 17 - 18 | BnHA 76 - 79 | ID: Invaded 5 - 7

Magia Record 4

There’s a fish behind Iroha. Also, I was confused about the ketchup cake thing Jenn mentiond in one of her posts until I saw it here.(On a related note, ketchup cake seems to really exist…but only in Canada.)

Ah! Tsuruno. I’ve heard of her from reading around about this mobage.

The coding of the episode went funny again…

I feel like despite this being everything Madoka was, this seems to have lost some of the charm somehow. I’ve been reading that others are having similar experiences, though. Update: I think I know why now…although there are magical girl events fuelling the entire thing, the show is currently more bent on being a CGDCT. That’s why I’m not so happy with it…I dunno about others, though.

I suspected Séance Shrine was Mizuna Shrine…I mean, it was right behind Iroha and co.

Who was that blonde girl…?

I thought I just saw face-stealing aliens swoop in (i.e. someone didn’t bother drawing in the girls’ faces). I thought that was just a Bones thing exclusive to BSD.

“Olibe oil” (sic). Also, there are creepy blue (green?) figures walking the aisles…

I notice Iroha needed an extra bounce to get over the gate.

What’s that orange marking on the girls’ faces…? Update: Reading the wiki reveals it’s the Witch’s Kiss, or something similar to it.

Uchitama 3

Well, it says “chome” but gets translated to “street”…which is a bit weird. A chome is a city district, which functions much like a street but isn’t the same.

I just realised the title card has a dog’s face on it. Maybe next time it’ll be a cat’s face…

Oh my gosh, it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh duel! Teenager-ness…(?) What is that (LOL)?! *squints at screen* Oh, chuunibyou. That makes sense.

They even materialised the (Gon’s) chair! (LOL)

At least this matchup isn’t Bull vs. Momo…thank goodness(!)

I seriously love how much skin they make Bull show…(LOL…?)

Well, if the race to the top is exciting then the race to the bottom should be humiliating, no? That’s how these things work.

LOL, just seeing a badass dude that’s meant to represent a wolf howling like one is hilarious. (But seriously, are any of these neighbourhood dogs a Bad Enough Dude, to paraphrase an old game meme?)

Don’t Naruto run, Pochi! It’s dangerous!

Ahhhhhhh, so that’s why people call Pochi “Shiro” and feed him tofu…

The video got encoded funny again…

Uchitama 4

This is like Wakasa all over again…

The “My Name is Gon” title is a reference to “I Am a Cat” (Wahagai wa Neko de Aru). It actually doesn’t have the word for “name” in there, which is a bit weird…Update: It’s about the day-to-day introspection and life of a cat and the wagahai suggests the cat thinks rather highly of himself, so I’d assume the former (applied to a dog of course), if not both of those things to be part of this.

The fact that Gon doesn’t move his mouth while telling us weird things (such as how Bull’s sweater reminds him of an old lady in Osaka) is hilarious. It’s almost like a play with Gon as narrator.

See? That titlecard has a different dog’s face now! (I believe it’s Kuro’s, actually.)

This series is actually really informative about cats and dogs!

The Detective Conan parody cat is pretty interesting in regards to how the series wants to play with the human/animal dichotomy.

Now the titlecard has a cat’s face.

This song is so energetic! The banners are pretty funny too – I mean, “trying to get a ripped body” is impossible for a dog, right?

Yyyyyyyyup, Ume is singing this song (Sanchome no Hoshi* or The Star of 3rd District*)! I’m being spoilt!

Eizouken 5

Iron Giant…I thought the name sounded familiar. Turns out it’s a Brad Bird-directed movie.

This episode is very Scott...LOL.

I like how they showed the back of the guy to correspond with the back of the robot.

Iruma 17

Gap = sukima, as you might know from a post I made re: Mairimashita! Iruma-kun puns.

“Yes, boss!” in English.

Why do people being questioned  at a koban always have katsudhum? (Hataraku Maousama reference)

Ooh, this long-haired demon from the Game or New Magic battler is hot!!!

That's the 1st time Acchan and Bakemi appear...

I'd assume the ga in Gabuko means gakkou (school).

Now it's ki su ma...(instead of sukima)

Iruma 18

Aw, Kiriwo's so cute...

...and he's now a sadist. (Good job, me...I don't like sadists much.)

The cyclops girl's name is Dosanko, huh?

Hanabi are "fire flowers" (translating somewhat literally), which is why they "bloom" in the translation.

Update: Oh, I accidentally skipped ep. 17. I was wondering how Sabro got to hold up Comecome's stall…

BnHA 76

I’m not sure how the subbers got “Go entropy! Plus Chaos!”, although it might have something to do with Saikou da! (which I made out from listening to the audio).

Okay, now you can hear them say “Plus Chaos”.

Note Overhaul’s eyecatch background is purple, which contrasts Deku’s green. By the way, the eyecatch says that Overhaul belongs to the Shie Hassaikai and not the League…the guy’s always been picky about not being associated with the League.

The one time I turn the volume off, I don’t need it (LOL).

Dame da is closer to “It’s useless” or “You’re useless” than “Naughty girl”, subbers.

The coronavirus has taught me that masks make people seem less human, especially those with weird mouths like Overhaul’s plague doctor/bird one.

BnHA 77

In one of the Discord servers where Mudamaid appears, I decided to take Chronostasis. Why? He isn’t that bad-looking when he hasn’t got his mask on, to be real with you.

Froppy uses “senpai”, not Tamaki’s hero name.

I believe Tamaki calls Tsuyu “Kero-chan”, hence “Miss Ribbit”.

I wanna cry…I know Nighteye won’t see All Might again until All Might himself dies…(and this is because I’ve read the manga – thanks Viz and Shonen Jump for doing that!)

Shigaraki makes me beg the question…where do those hands of his come from??? Update: Ewwwwwwwww, those hands come from individuals affected by Tomura’s Quirk! (I think that’s a spoiler though…)

I almost got to the point of crying. I mean, I knew it would happen, but seeing it animated…makes it worse, y’know??? (Also, I accidentally might’ve stuck my finger in my eye when I was trying to wipe away tears, so either way, I teared up.)

BnHA 78

Huh? This OP is awfully cheerful after Nighteye’s death…I think it’s called Star Maker? Update: Star Marker by Kana Boon.

Well, you do realise I don’t know about anything after this point…all over again. So your surprise will be mine too.

LOL , it’s a Titan! (Apparently – according to the wiki pages I read – Gigantomachia is based on the Titans of lore, so…that’s true in more than one sense when you take into account Attack on Titan.)

The birbs are so cute!

That was just a few solid minutes of recap. Not as bad as Detective Conan where they frontend it, but still bad.

Hmm? I thought I saw black hair on Kurogiri…?

“He’s a walking disaster.” – That’s what I’d say about Bakugou, LOL.

Shouto “Daddy Issues” Todoroki taking the stage again…not that I mind, but…isn’t this Midoriya’s story?

I think I saw a Funko Pop All Might in the ED…?

You can see someone with a red wing Quirk. Based on what I’ve read around, that guy is Hawks.

Deku’s shirt at the end says “sheets”, not “shirt” (it’s missing a small ya).

BnHA 79

“…and I like udon better!” - *facepalm* That’s not how you make friends, Yoarashi.

Gang Orca’s like the Gordon Ramsay of heroes…with much less swearing.

*laughs behind hands as kids spill out the door* Welp, this is going to be real good.

This blonde kid is basically Monoma ver. 2!!! I hate him already!!!

Oh…that’s surprisingly strategic, Bakugou…*shows image of kid being dangled by a rope* Uh…or maybe not.

Who’s this guy with the bolo tie, anyway…?

Uchitama 5

I seriously thought this cat was Nora…(Sakura)

Does “big sister” refer to Lilly or another cat…?

Oh, I was wondering why Sakura didn’t have a cat tail…turns out she’s a pig. (Huh. It reminds me of a kinder version of the Africa Salaryman mixer joke.)

I like how open the series is in regards to interspecies love. Then again,…bestiality is an absolute no-no in my books, so maybe not.

Is it just me, or is there a slight bruise around Nora’s left eye…?

It’s like a Boueibu reunion! Shirai and Ume at the baths! Yay~!

There’s something absolutely silly about seeing anime boys hide in cupboards like cats. It puts a stupid smile on my face, like Eizouken does.

“I told you to get in the bath already!” – Gaddammit, Koma!

How do Gon’s glasses not fog up in the bath? (MST3K mantra required)

Oh, Nora does have a bruise around his eye! What’s it from, though?

Way to upsell Koma’s services, Kuro. (partially sarcastic…?)

“Can I say we’re having a doggone good time?” – Remind me to check what that sounds like in Japanese later. Update: Kuro says something that sounds lik izoizo in the line beforehand and then matches it in this line. In order to match the puns, there’s a pun in the English translation too.

ID: Invaded 5

Matsuoka’s glasses thing reminds me of Kanamori (Eizouken)…

“hole experience” – Is that a pun…?

Never ask a woman her age.

Hmm…”maidenly innocence”…

Why do some people believe “never mind” is one word???

I just noticed there’s a differently coloured bar on the title card…maybe that’s how far into the episode you should be. Also, is this well a pun on “falling for you”?

I noticed the blood had a weird texture to it. Also, I noticed the woman had heterochromia bfore it was pointed out she’s not real.

I have a theory. See, John(nie) Walker is an alcohol (sake) brand, right? This is Sakaido (as opposed to Anaido, who’s the Perforator and ana = hole). It’s the same character, so (I suspect) Sakaido’s crime has to do with alcohol…

Hmm…this ain’t gonna pass the Bechdel test after all…

Oh! Post-credits segment! Keep watching.

ID: Invaded 6

“Matsuoka was injured” – Er, he still has the knife in him…?

Ohhhhhh…this has gotta be Hondomachi!

I predict Hondomachi and Sakaido are going to go head-to-head someday. Update: Or those two vs. Johnnie Walker.

There was a cut-off footprint…

Isn’t it possible for a person to kill someone without knowing their name?

*cries* Sakaido! I’ve never seen you so emotional before…!

ID: Invaded 7

So Narihisago did look like Sakaido at one point…when his daughter was murdered.

The thing that reads cognition particles has “Back ground. Rad. Lev.” on the bottom of its screen.

I don’t have the sound on right now, so I dunno what Matsuoka was reacting to specifically…(aside from the guy owning up to whatever was done.)

Interestingly, Katsuyama has the character for “win” in his name. However, this is the only link I’ve found between the serial killers and their names.

There’s a character which appears in both the word for “martial arts” and one of the (dead) professional fighters – Takehiko Fujita. It means stuff like “war” and “military power”.

Oh! There’s a bar on the titlecard and this one is up to 900 of 1200…I wonder what that means? Is that an indication of time, perhaps? Also in the bottom left, “CAM 025”.

Miyo Hijiriido?! Oh my gosh! This is new, indeed!

Okay, so the characters for Miyo look like this: 聖井戸 御代 The first character in “Miyo” is the same one that denotes “go” in goryoushin (formal way to denote “parents”) and similar words in keigo. The characters which aren’t “well” (water well) are the character for “saint/holy” and “age” (as in the period of time, alternatively “generation”), aside from the one I’ve already discussed. Therefore, I’d suggest Miyo is actually “the great detective [who ushers in a new] age” or “the great detective [of the current] age”. Update: Apparently Miyo means “age of a ruler”, as in the period of their reign (specifically referring to the emperor if it needs to be). I’ve heard there’s specific words in the Japanese language used only to refer to the imperial family…this is probably one of them. That specific name combo (as “odai”) is also a very polite way to refer to spare change, although that doesn’t seem very useful to know.

What’s that thing on Tamotsu’s wrist…? (A watch? Wouldn’t that be illegal in a prison like this?)

Interestingly, all other killers wear white. Narihisago is the only one in black (or brown…or whatever colour that is).

What would Miyo need a key for? The key to the mystery, or a physical key?

I don’t think you can see Narihisago’s face in any of the pics he has of Muku or his wife.

Ooh…Sakaido’s pretty ripped. (Me likey…not that I would like a killer…)

Why is Sakaido…or I should say Narihisago…dead in his own imagination, huh?

Hmm…Miyo wears a black singlet or sleeveless top of some sort under that cape...poncho…Holmes cosplay thing. She still has a gun in her detective form, too.

Notably, no detective wears a skirt in this world…*sigh* So much for Nancy Drew and Miss Marple…

Muku has smiley faces on her hair decs.

Does that mean you’ve met the real Muku…? (I think this is Momoki speaking about Muku.) Update: It might be Habutae, actually. I never really got a grasp on the names of the peanut gallery.

Hondomachi’s never seen the cockpit in real life, right?

Well-ception! (It’s a bit of a joke that when there’s something in something, I call it [X]ception as a homage to Inception.)

Table flip! That meme hasn’t been around for a while, come to think of it…

I find it interesting that they point to the circles of the roof when talking about pi. As you know, the circle and pi are related.

Hmm? I don’t remember seing the quote “Let us try to make this world a better place” in this episode…

[calleo-bricriu]

Gotta be honest: I dislike that "OC Struggles in the RPC" post that occasionally hits my dash.

This one, right here.

In short, because it comes off very, "If you won't RP with my OC you're an elitist dick" even though I'm certain that wasn't the OP's intent.

But, as someone who has been writing the same Harry Potter OC (this one, right here) since 2001 and has played dozens of OCs in MMO settings, D&D, etc...starting from about 1988 on through now, let me just address the post point by point.

1. "That soul crushing feeling when you see 'no OCs' in someone's rules."

That's a you problem.

Nobody is obliged to write with you.

Perhaps that person has had numerous poor experiences with OC players in the past and just wants to avoid it happening entirely.

Perhaps they find it difficult to find ways to interact with OCs.

Perhaps they simply don't care for OCs when there are dozens of canon characters, including characters that are so minor that they might as well be a skeleton outline of a character.

None of those are invalid reasons and none of those are personal insults toward your OC or your writing; grow up and move on.

2. "Constantly having to dumb down your canon"

Look, if you're finding multiple people over multiple fandoms are telling you that your OC is too overpowered--just to cram it all into one word--you do need to stop and consider if they may be right and, if they are, if you care enough to change it.

There have been times I've looked at criticism I've had on Calleo and decided, "Yeah, they're right, that is a bit much" and other times when I've decided that yes, they are correct, but I don't care because I'm having fun as are the people I write with, and times where I've just plain disagreed.

It's also possible that your OC just isn't a good fit for whatever person is telling you that, and that's nobody's fault; not everybody likes the same things.

3. "Adjusting to adapted canons"

Literally nobody is forcing you to do this.

Everyone makes concessions now and again so things mesh with the group, that's part of what roleplaying is: A group activity.

If you feel as though you shouldn't have to adjust to someone else's adapted canon the problem is on your end and you're clearly not a good fit for the other player so maybe look elsewhere.

4. "The amount of your own canon and lore you have to sacrifice to do that."

Again, nobody is forcing you to do so.

This comes up a lot with people whose OCs are related to major canon characters and some of it is a big reason why it's generally recommended to not try and write those outside of established games.

In established games, the other players know this aspect of your character and, since you're part of the game, have implicitly agreed to go along with it.

For independent blogs, it does take longer to find regular RP partners because by having a backstory like that, it can feel like you're trying to force your, let's call it, adapted canon, onto canon and not everyone is going be on board with that idea or, at the very least, are implying that anyone who writes with you has to go along with it.

Again, that is not their fault and it doesn't mean you can't write an OC like that but you do need to be aware that if you choose to have something like that in your character's background, it's going to make it more difficult to find regular canon RP partners and that fact is entirely your fault, not the people who RP canon characters.

Same applies for those times when your OC has multiple rare abilities; the abilities might be canon but, sticking with Harry Potter as it's the main fandom I play in, if your character is a genius at everything, has the Standard Abusive Upbringing, is a metamorphamagus, is an animagus (usually unregistered and mastered by age 12 or so), is part-something-not-human, is a "transfer student to Hogwarts", is a major canon character's until now unknown sibling/cousin/best childhood friend, can cast all sorts of difficult magic before they even hit school because they're just that smart, is an orphan, and can sass Voldemort to his face without consequences--people aren't really going to want to write with you for several reasons.

- It looks like you haven't fleshed the character out well and are just throwing a pot of tropes at the wall to see what sticks.

- Writing with characters like that always feels like a dick measuring contest and if you dare try to hint that the OC might not be better at or just as good at something as a canon character, the most typical response is for the OC's player to get mad and tell you you're being elitist or bullying them.

5. "When you mention wanting to write a canon, people that have never shown any real interest in your OC jump out of the woodwork to encourage you to do it."

Yeah, there's no polite way to say this: If this is what happens to you, it generally means your OC is poorly thought out and can only hit one note (i.e. YOU only show interest in writing certain things; angst, shippy threads, etc...but never want to branch out to anything else) in your writing. That gets boring after awhile.

In short, your OC is probably a little boring and a little two dimensional and the reason your friends are encouraging you to write a canon is because they don't want to tell you that and know that a canon will be more interesting on virtue of you not having to make up all the source material the way you  have to do with an OC.

6. "When you do it, that canon gets more attention than your OC ever did."

See #5. Your OC was probably a kinda dull one trick pony and your friends were trying to be nice about it.

7. "The alternative of that: When your first character was canon and you transition to writing an OC, people suddenly disappear."

See #5. Your OC was probably a kinda dull one trick pony in comparison to the canon character you were writing, and your friends were trying to be nice about it.

8. "Fandom OCs that outgrow their fandoms and muns tha tfeel they have nowhere to put them."

That's lack of creativity on your part, not an "OC struggle".

This character of mine has had fragments of his personalty spawn off into roughly thirty or so different characters across multiple fandoms. On occasion, I've directly ported him into another fandom, just changing the Harry Potter specific things into things that fit the new fandom.

9. "Endlessly worrying if your character is too sue-ish, even after x-amount of years."

Stop caring.

Seriously, stop caring.

Caring about that usually ends up making you kind of less than fun to write with on an OOC level and on an IC level most people take it too far in the other extreme and end up with a character that's about as engaging as wet cardboard.

Not to mention, no matter what you do, there are always going to be people who will think your OC is "too sue-ish" no matter what, simply because they're an OC.

Focus more on people who are interested in your OC and not on the people who don't like your OC (and block them if you have to). You'll have a lot less stress and a lot more fun that way.

If you can't stop caring due to anxiety, get to a therapist and get on meds or--stop roleplaying until you get your house in order. If you get that stressed over roleplaying, it's not worth your mental health to continue; just go write fanfic.

10-13. All the stuff about female OCs being held to higher standards than male OCs.

This, unfortunately, is true. It's extra true if you're a female OC that gets into any sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise, with a canon character.

It's a pretty across all fandoms thing too, and it's definitely unfair.

I know 100% that if Calleo were a female OC, he would not have even a fraction of the interactions and threads that I have with him; people would think he's bitchy, stuck up, and annoying as all hell--and he is, but he's a guy, so it somehow funny and endearing I guess.

I think he’s often bitchy, stuck up, and annoying as all hell and I’ve been writing him for close to 20 years now.

He'd also probably be written off as some kind of slut because I've always written him as being in open relationships and often having multiple open relationships going at one time.

14. "People assuming simple, stupid things"

Yeah, that's not OC specific. Not even close. It's good form to always read someone's about and rules page, even if it's a canon character, because nobody plays even canon characters exactly the same.

15. "Feeling like you have to jump through hoops to keep up with everyone else and keep your character fresh and interesting so people don't lose interest."

Again, this is not an OC specific thing. Canon, unless a series is ongoing, is pretty finite, and anyone writing any character has to keep their character fresh and interesting and not just write variants of the same thing over and over or people will get bored of them as well.

A pretty good litmus test here is to look at it and see if it's just one or two people who lost interest or if it was a whole lot of them.

If it was just one or two people, that sucks, but it happens. We've all been dropped at some point.

If it's a LOT of people, it's time to take a close look at your OC and what you're writing to make sure you haven't just turned into--well, the literary equivalent of wet cardboard.

16. "Canon blogs that shit on OCs--you realize you were OCs too right? What would the original writer of your canon think?"

Well, if it's Anne Rice, she'll probably think to send a cease & desist.

That joke aside, be glad they do; it's a big red flag to avoid them as they're likely overall unpleasant people even if their writing is good. It also saves you from wasting your time trying to interact/write with them.

Remember that part about not focusing on the people who aren't interested in writing with you? Go read it again.

17. "No seriously, it can be so discouraging writing an OC. How many ideas are you killing by snubbing OCs? The future of creative media is in our hands."

Miss me with this emotionally manipulative bullshit.

Nobody is obliged to write with you and nobody is obliged to like your OC.

If a canon blog rejecting your OC is enough to kill your ideas, that's your problem, not the canon blog writer's problem.

If you can't find someone to RP your ideas with you and you really like those ideas, I'd suggest writing fanfic.

If you really want to RP those ideas, you'll either have to keep looking until you find someone who also wants to RP those ideas, or you'll have to be willing to do some compromising to make those ideas work in a way that other players will find interesting.

If your OC always has to be center stage and the best at everything, or you only want to write ship threads, or you only want to do angst, or your OC is always being injured, nearly killed, in emotional distress, etc...all the damn time, that gets boring for everyone else really quickly.

That's a you problem, not an other writers problem.

18. "Has someone stolen my canon?"

Look, if the stuff further up on this list is an issue for you, I guarantee you nobody has stolen your canon.

In general, nobody will steal your canon; there are not infinite numbers of ideas and tropes are very common both in canon canon and for OCs.

Unless someone straight up lifted everything about your character and just changed the name and whatever face claim you're using, there's about a 0 % chance they stole your ideas.

19. "Is my canon too similar to someone else's?"

See the bit in #18 about common tropes; given that, probably.

The bigger question is does it bother you enough to rework your OC? If it doesn't, stop caring.

If it does, get to work reworking your OC.

20. "Do they think I stole their canon?"

Have they said something? Do you have overlapping RP circles? No? Then they probably don't know you exist, let alone think you've stolen from them.

21. "And what do you do when somebody does steal your canon? It can be so hard to prove and it's so easy for it to be dismissed."

If it's hard to prove, it's too generic to have been stolen unless they just did a direct copy paste.

22. "Having your OC written off because of the face claim choice - that face is constantly typecast, nobody takes it seriously, they've been overplayed and ruined."

The only people I've had, 7 years of Tumblr RP, give two fucks about face claims are:

- Control freak admins of organized games that usually fall apart within 6 months due to drama typically caused by the control freak admins. I actually had one game have the admins get angry at me because I wouldn't stop doing cosplay for Calleo's pictures and just pick a celebrity.

Bullet dodged there.

- People who are also just generally unpleasant OOC; if a face claim alone is enough to make someone not want to RP with you (and it's not a case where the person whose face it actually is has been clear about them being uncomfortable with people using their pictures in that manner), that's a red flag that that person, if you somehow still want to write with them after seeing that, will likely be incredibly, bizarrely dramatic in all the wrong ways.

Sure, some of them are fine and they just have a hard time picturing an OC who also looks uncannily like Taylor Swift, but people who have things in their rules about refusing to write with people who use certain icons should be taken as either a red flag or a, "Well, I dodged a bullet here."

Also, in case nobody has told you this: Icons are not necessary for RP. They often add absolutely nothing to the post or thread that isn’t just as easily accomplished by using words. There’s nothing wrong with using icons but, you know, run far, far away from people who require that you use them.

Maybe instead of getting into the mindset that nobody wants to write with your OC because they’re an OC, take a look at your OC, ask people to give you honest and constructive feedback about the character (even if they tell you things you might not want to hear), consider working on your OOC personality as the victim mentality or using emotional manipulation about ~*~*how hard~*~* it is to write an OC to try and guilt people into writing with you is incredibly off putting on every level.

The more someone whines and complains about how nobody wants to write with them, honestly, the less interested I become in writing with them.

You also have to put some effort in, and that includes answering submitted memes or people who write you starters (or like an open starter call from you); if you fail to do that more often than not (and no, ‘low/no muse’ is not an excuse when you use it all the time, especially when you clearly have muse and are responding to whatever Themed Thing--usually angst or shipping--you get but ignore anything else or take ages to reply to anything else), the people sending those things in will assume you’re just not interested in writing with them and will stop trying.

And, bottom line?

If even you can’t sell your OC as being interesting and write off lack of interest from others as Unfairness Toward OCs, why should anyone else be interested?

If you have an OC that’s legitimately interesting, engaging, and not based around generally disliked tropes (across fandoms those are usually related to a canon character, multiple rare abilities, the OC being able to somehow always ignore or overtly go against social norms and suffer exactly zero consequences--or worse--be adored and admired for it by everyone, and Not From Around Here, in that order), and aren’t unpleasant OOC, people will want to write with you.

If you don’t, well, that’s your problem, and no amount of posting about how hard OCs have it will make people interested.