#and don’t forget to love your proud valid self :)

[swordmaid]

am getting a lot of character inspo for shri’iia from amy gone girl. I don’t think she’s as smart nor calculated but she is similar to some degree in that she’s hyper aware of the current persona she’s presenting and how she’s appealing to the people. the masks and the mjndgames, that’s basically how shri’iia operated while she was still serving under her matriarch in menzoberranzan. she needed to play the roles the matriarch required of her and it was only when she was with her matriarch that she can be ‘Real Shri’iia’, and that’s how I imagined shri’iia to be esp in act 1 when she is so new and scared in the surface. she needed to work out who these people are (her companions) and what they liked, so her first persona - her blank one - the charming helpful paladin who got tadpoled and wants to go back home just like the rest of them (which was half true). she didn’t really argue and she generally agreed to what the group wanted. she was helpful and co-operative, ask her about her past and she will tell you something bland and generic- interesting enough to be ooh-ing about but not too interesting that they’ll delve deeper into it. then, when she got to know them a little more, she started crafting little personas adjacent to her first one ; she’s the girl who’s curious about magic but never had the chance to learn with gale, she’s a cool girl who likes mischief as debauchery with astarion, she’s the one who likes to take risks and live in the moment with karlach, the knight in silver armor who’s willing to help the tieflings with wyll, a disciplined fighter with lae’zel, someone who understands the depths of devotion with shadowheart - but none are really her, not really. ofc her own personality might slip in here and there but for the most part she’s appealing to them and what they’d like her to be but none of it is really genuine. shri’iia just needs to be on their good side to minimise the chances of them turning on her, and if they let her guard down it’ll be easier for her to get rid of them should the need arise. taking up all these different masks, collecting all these intel abt them to be used for later, slithering and making a place in their minds - it’s really how she operated back in menzoberranzan. I think the only one who catches on to her game is astarion but that’s bc he’s doing the same thing too, so it’s very game recognises game lmfao

it’s only when she breaks her oath and goes through her existential crisis that all of her masks drop and her real self comes out. she was never that kind of person lmfao ^, she’s greedy, selfish, paranoid and rather obsessive. she doesn’t care about a lot of things that doesn’t concern her, she has a cruel streak that she hasn’t shown before, and she hates doing anything that won’t really benefit her. but she’s fiercely loyal to anyone she likes, like a dog. and severely she craves validation and approval - also like a dog.

[mattsumaki-old]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH YA HOT GUYS, GALS, AND NON-BINARY PALS!!!

[dollyyss]

can you please do headcanons of what it would be like dating the main five boys?

Yes yes yes a million times yes

I’m sleepy, I promise I’ll edit this if needed tomorrow.

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙏𝙎 𝙇𝙄𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙈𝘼𝙄𝙉 𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍 + 𝘽𝙐𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎

𝙀𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 ₊ ⊹

𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥! 𝙃𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝘼𝙐‧₊˚✩彡

𝙆𝙮𝙡𝙚, 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣, 𝙆𝙚𝙣𝙣𝙮, 𝘾𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨𐙚

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: very slight talk of nsfw in Kenny’s part!

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

Kyle 🐇𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒🪐

- he’s dominate. But.. not in just that sense. I mean he takes care of you. Willingly. He’s constantly walking you to class, brining extra things for you because he knows you forget, so he has those extra pencils for you, notebooks. When the two of you walk side by side and he notices your shoe lace is untied he stops you immediately to bend down to tie it right back up. When you’re tired.. your in his arms immediately being led back to his car to take you back home. He’ll feed you sometimes. He just loves you, he wants to take care of you in every aspect.

- he’s gentle, he ensures that his communication with you is always considerate and kind. He listens attentively, acknowledges your viewpoint, and refrains from speaking harshly or being dismissive. Kyle shows genuine empathy towards your feelings, needs, and experiences. He puts himself in your shoes, tries to grasp your perspectives, and offers comfort and support to you whenever you need it. He is patient and willing to listen without judgment.

- Kyle understands the importance of physical touch for intimacy and affection. He engages in gentle caresses, hugs, and kisses, always being mindful of your comfort and boundaries. He enjoys being able to cradle you safely in your arms, express to you how much he loves you, how he’d always be there.

- and with physical touch, comes emotional support. Kyle is supportive and nurturing towards your emotional well-being. He is sensitive to your emotional state and offers comfort, reassurance, and a safe space for vulnerability. He provides comfort, validation, and understanding when you need it the most.

- Kyle creates a safe and secure environment for you quite often. both physically and emotionally. He ensures that you feel protected, comfortable, and free from any harm or judgment. His gentle and caring presence gives you a sense of peace.. a sense of home..

Stan .° ༘🎧⋆🖇₊˚ෆ

- I believe Stan.. is so supportive of you. He doesn’t believe he can truly make it far considering what he’s done with himself due to alcohol.. self loathing.. not being able to build what he wanted for himself so when he sees you achieve the things you’ve always wanted he’s cheering you on. He’s always the one to come up to you after a speech, squeezing you tight against him and whispering about how proud he is of you. He’s the one to bring you flowers, exchanging kisses to show you how amazing you were. In his eyes. You’re his role model.

- he’s committed to you. He’s had his heart broken far too many times by one person.. so when he finally finds you.. and you treat him the way he’s always wanted to be treated, show him the love he deserves.. there is nothing stopping that heart from grasping for you. Longing for you.

- though Stan loves to be around you consistently, wants to do anything and everything for you, he also understands Independency, individuality. He understands that maybe you don’t always wants to do something, or be around and that’s okay. He gets it.. he may be a little sad but he understands that sometimes having a me day is completely okay. Expect him to text you back immediately when you message him. He’s missed you :((

- he’s not THE greatest with his emotions, he’s still trying to figure his out most of the time but he will always stop to listen to you. No matter what it is.

Kenny ₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉

- Kenny is quite sexual, so your Reltionship is bound to be quite sexually. But he knows boundaries. And he knows when no means no. Sure he’s got quite the sex drive but he would never push you to do anything you never wanted to. This goes for anything really, he hates the idea of forcing you to do absolutely anything, he likes to know you may actually want to do something because you want to do it. Not because you’re just agreeing with him.

- he will give you space when you need it. He can be quite clingy at times but that’s because he’s just genuinely happy to be around you, so at times he can understand needing some space.

- he’s so understanding. Anything you come to him about, he’s all ears, listening and asking wether you need him to do something about, to stay the night with you. Anything. He’ll do it. He’s good at telling when something is wrong, even if you try to hide it and you hide it well. He’ll know. And he’s probably one of the best to go to…. He’ll even fuck you silly to get your mind off of things. But- in all seriousness. He genuinely does give you really good advice, advice you can take and actually go by, he cares.

- he’s so goofy. He’s always willing to do anything to put that sweet smile on your face. Whether it be to embarrass himself in front of a shit ton of people, or alone and he makes the stupidest inappropriate jokes. When he hears you laugh he’s laughing himself, smiling at you lovingly.

- he’s so protective it’s not funny. I’m talking, he beat the fuck out of someone once for even just slightly hurting you.

Cartman 🎧✮🧺✧˖°

- I hate him. And he’s an awful fucking person but.. with the right person.. I feel like he could be changed. Maybe not entirely but he would change.

- he starts a lot of arguments. Even though he says it wasn’t even him… it was. It’s over stupid shit to, like I’m talking over food, where he gets to sit somewhere, where you guys go. He’s so fucking petty it’s ridiculous.

- butttt.. with this he does make up for it. He doesss feel just a littleeee bad for making you so upset so majority of the time he’ll bribe you with food.. or rarely a warm hug.

- he’s quite a good person to cuddle. He’s warm, he’s got some squish so there’s enough to snuggle into and fall asleep. When you’re asleep.. he’s cooing at you, not understanding how someone like you could put up with him.

- he can be.. childish but he loves when you laugh with him, when he realizes something he’s said as made you laugh? You better believe he’s doing it continuously, like Kenny he actually really likes see you laugh especially if it’s because of him. It boosts his ego oops.

Butters ˚☆🐈*๑

- he’s like Kyle. He likes taking care of you. He likes taking you on dates, spoiling you with his allowance money.. even if it does get him grounded he doesn’t care. Your his, he has to spoil you.

- he’s such a kissy boy. He’s kissing you almost Antrim he lays his eyes on you, while your studying, grabbing a drink, coming straight out of the bathroom. He’s there. Baby just wants a kiss.

- he’s such a fucking sweetheart. He’s never really truly gotten angry at you, yelled at you, nothing. He’s so caring when it comes to you. He knows to take his time with you, to understand what’s too far and what’s just right. He gets what’s too much for you and what calms you down. He knows you like the back of his hand.

- he’s also extremely overprotective. It’s rare to see butters lose his temper but when it comes to you, he’ll yell like he’s never yelled before. I’m sure he’d also beat someone up if he could, and he knew he could. He hates seeing you hurt, at times he cries himself, but other times he’s so angered by others actions towards you he’s more worried about showing them how pissed he is.

- you always have his attention. You always have him. If someone online talks to him and is making you even slightly uncomfortable.. he’s blocking them at just their name leaving your lips. He’s ignoring anybody who seems even slightly interested. He’s got his eyes on you. And you only.

[resiliencewithin]

Don’t tie your self-worth, pride and sense of accomplishment to executing plans.

Why?

Life, the universe, and everyone else does not give a single shit about your plans.

You get sick, your kid gets sick, you get a flat tire, your mental illness flares up, you lose/forget something important, someone you were relying on doesn’t pull through, your hormones or brain chemistry gets out of whack, the world tumbles into a fucking three year pandemic, and that’s just off the top of my head.

So much of your life is out of your control. This can be terrifying or, conversely, it can be a huge relief.

You have a finite amount of mental and physical energy to expend every day. If life throws you a curveball (as it does on a near daily basis) and takes up some of that precious energy, you’re not making excuses if you don’t accomplish something, you have a valid reason.

I’m not saying don’t make plans, set goals, build habits, etc. Of course not. The key is to learn to adjust, be flexible, and for the love of god don’t make plans that are only executable under perfect conditions in the first place. Allow for generous wiggle room.

Then you can feel proud and accomplished for rolling with this crazy little thing called life, instead of berating yourself and feeling like a failure.

[welcome-to-green-hills]

hey Sonic, can you spare some good vibes? I just don't want to live anymore...

Hey there, buddy... I'm terribly sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I promise you that it’ll okay. I need you to take a deep breath with me, okay? In through your nose and out through your mouth slowly.

I can wholeheartedly understand where you’re coming from. And I can completely understand the feelings that you have in your heart. Your emotions are valid. Never let anyone tell you that they’re not. I promise you're going to be okay, even if you can't believe it right now. Sometimes all the little problems and pile up and overwhelm us. It can make us feel like we're not strong enough to keep going, but we are strong. You are strong. Don’t ever forget that. And if it’s a concept that is unbelievable to hold in mind, know that I have of no trouble reminding you.

I want you to know that you are perfect the way that you are. You are! I’m serious! Your entire person is enough. And it matters to me. You are, and always will be, enough for me. You don’t need to alter yourself in any shape or form to get approval from me. And you most certainly don’t need to feel like tweaking is necessary. I love you the way that you are. You’re enough to me. You are perfect the way that you are. It might feel practically impossible to feel loved, but I would like for you know that the thought is not true. You are worthy of love just like everyone else and you’re worthy of self love. You're enough, no matter what anyone says, okay? Your feeling matters. You matter.

I want you to know that I’m so, so proud of you. I’m not joking. It may feel like you haven’t accomplished something now, but I promise that you did. You’re here now. You’re talking to me. You survived the events of today to stop by and see me. You’ve survived the events that you’ve faced in the past and made it here to see me today. That is a major accomplishment! The path that you’ve taken may have been harsh, but I can tell that you’re a fighter. Your heart is pure and you laugh in the face of danger. You’ve accomplished much and I’m so proud of you for making it here today. It’s wonderful to see you here with me today.

I may not know what you feel in your heart and mind right now, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need me. It may feel like your world is closing in and a bit suffocating for now, but I would like for you to know that it is okay. It will get better. This may sound like a lie. It’s not. I believe that everything will be okay. Do you know why? Because you’re a fighter. You’re much more stronger than what you give yourself credit for. You have conquered much more than what you believe and you’ve survived. You are a fighter with courage. We all go our own path, we all go on our own journey to get to your desired destination. Whether your strides are massive or small, know that it’s a stride forward. I encourage you to keep going at the pace that you are comfortable with.

I want you to know that your life is worth living for. It may not feel like that now, but I promise you that it is. There are people who care deeply about you and will do whatever it takes to help, myself included. You matter to me and you always will. I hear you, I see you, and I know that you exist. And I am so happy to know that you exist.

[ltcolonelcarter]

I don’t even know if there’s any LEFT IN THAT WRITER ASK. So I’m making up my own questions.

Has there been a particular theme or part of one of your stories that you wished got more attention? Like a one-liner that has you !!!! inside every time you reread it?

If you had an OC crossover, which would it be and why?

If you could will the vibes from any of your stories into real life, which one are you most likely to do? And why is it last call?

I LOVE YOU BABE!!! ♥️🧡💛💚💙💜I’ve got my knife ready, just waiting for you😌

send me a fanfic ask

OH YOU.

I got inundated in the BEST way. I had such a good time yelling about writing last night oh my gooood. I was a bit dizzy by the end of it. I owe so many people messy kisses. anyway

Has there been a particular theme or part of one of your stories that you wished got more attention? Like a one-liner that has you !!!! inside every time you reread it?

you’re gonna be able to predict this, but the themes in a question of time are jUST. I work so hard on it. the themes are so self-referential in places: it feels a little ridiculous to write sometimes but it’s like it’s spiralling in on itself. that was the feeling I wanted to capture.

I’m not sure the full picture of what I’m trying to do in aqot is even visible yet, really, because… you won’t see the view until I’ve published chapter 8. I have SO many references to previous events, a few new bits of information that… change… what’s already happened. I wanted to create that sense (in multiple places) of the world shifting in response to new information - that moment where you see stuff DIFFERENTLY and can’t go back. from the perspective of the writer it’s hard to measure how successful I’ve been so far, but… there should be another drop coming. I’m excited to see what everyone thinks.

There’s a few lines of dialogue I’ve written that just made me want to punch something in joy bc they captured the essence of a character, or the vibe that I wanted, really really well. I always forget them until I reread, so I’ll just give you a smattering of my favourites.

This moment in aqot stands out:

Connor didn’t validate the question with a response, which only inspired a white-hot fury in Sixty. “You deviated, Connor!” Sixty screamed. “You failed!” “No.” Despite the circumstances, Connor’s voice was low. Gentle. “I didn’t fail. My mission changed.”

I can see Sixty in this moment SO CLEARLY. I love the moment a character breaks, and this is that: he’s done this too much, failed too many times, it’s just the raw nerves left. he’s barrelling towards rock bottom and he still doesn’t understand. sigh. especially bc (spoiler) sixty has _such_ a habit of following in Connor’s footsteps

two, from let him hear:

“Well, he could be looking at me. How could I blame him when the view’s this good?” You shoot Sixty a look, aiming for withering. By the flash of teeth, you know you weren’t convincing. “But I doubt it.”

listen, I’m not too proud to tell you I laughed myself stupid when I wrote that. Literally like: yep, that’s Sixty, no editing required

You don’t need to look at Sixty’s face. His grin is unmistakable in every word. “Oh, I’ve definitely seen her.”

This one I had written when I was working on the PREMISE, before I’d even started the fic. I could HEAR him saying it, that slight laugh in his voice. still tickles me.

from last call I could honestly pick a lot, bc I worked on showing a lot of emotion in hopefully subtle ways, but these stand out:

He bows his head closer to you when he speaks in reply, voice quieter, almost lost to the noise of the room. “I will attempt to satisfy you.” You don’t have an answer for that.

he surprised me with that one

“A cure for curiosity,” he smiles at you, conspiratorial, and you pin him with a questioning stare. “At least, a temporary one.”

@staticl0ve pointed this one out in her LOVELY comment, but I was SO SO HAPPY with this line. it sounds so much like Connor to me.

He keeps you company until you’re feeling like yourself. When the rain starts falling heavily and you jolt away from the spray of cold droplets, he steps back into the rain to give you back your space; surprised, you watch him, the raindrops that trail down his face, through the soft strands of his hair, and notice he’s prioritising you over himself again.

You reach out and pull him back under the shelter until you’re standing, shoulder to shoulder, listening to the rain.

SIGH I live the quiet moments of character growth. this is her admitting to herself for the first time that she’s attached, but more than that, that she’d rather keep him close than keep her barriers up. that he’s worth being seen. I’m going to smash something I just need a minute

OH also: honourable mention to any time I use the title in-fic. It’s PURELY self indulgent. I fucking love that shit. if I was still publishing under anon I’m p sure it’d give me away.

I could probably five seventy more little moments I've written that I'm really, really happy with, but I've been gratuitously self indulgent already, so i'll finish with one last part: there are a lot of little moments in the echoes and reflections prologue that will (eventually) hold a lot more significance than they do at the moment. I have a lot of plans for that fic: it's not going to be happy barely at all, but I'm so so excited about the exploration of character. they're all going to such a dark place. shout out to @dattebae not only for writing the middle ground, the au on which this au is based, but for letting me play with her iteration of sixty. I am so utterly full of love and bewilderment at the trust. give me an hour I simply must kiss my wife

If you had an OC crossover, which would it be and why?

OC CROSSOVER ASGAJAGAGSHA okay sO for starters I need them all in a room together, immediately, and if it’s the bar from last call I will Not complain. I have a few upcoming OCs I have not introduced…..but I’m very excited about them. unbruised has one arriving imminently, as you WELL know, and she’s my new favourite, I think: I think she’d be my pick for crossover bc she’s just SO irascible. I love her dearly.

it would be fun to see Ali in Let Him Hear. he can argue with the best of them. he'd love that environment (and the free drinks).

also Jo. I don’t need to explain that one. you get it. who DOESN'T love a giant carebear-ass IDIOT. no-one. obviously.

If you could will the vibes from any of your stories into real life, which one are you most likely to do? And why is it last call?

okay so this one made me snort out LOUD raya. I cannot believe you. this is absurd. stop it immediately.

you're fucking right, which is more annoying. I think last call is such a mundane setting, and it's so tangible, and what I didn't realise when I was writing it is that every part of it takes place in one location. it's a fucking bottle episode.

but I think that lends it something: by the second scene you know the place, have the feel of it, so it's so so easy to feel the place. I love that so much about it. rereading it feels like it felt when I'd walk through it in my head. it's a place I've visited. I could almost touch it.

honorable mention is let him hear, actually: the busy social scene in the yawning winter, bright streetlight in frosty air, the hum and swell of voices, and the thrill of meeting someone new and interesting who, despite the odds, sees you. there's something precious in that, I think.

[elis-corner]

I was offline for a lot of June and July, and didn’t get to say anything for pride month, so take this as my very late contribution.

Looking at all the incredible people in my life that are part of the community, meeting so many awesome people online, reading and watching things in the media... The amount of sadness it gives me. How can people look at others being so in love or happy in their bodies and call it wrong is heart-breaking. The fact that I used to look at them and call it sinful. I was scared of media indoctrination, but in reality the only indoctrinating I was getting was from the people I’d grown up around. I tried to shun my closest friends because I was taught to think that they were damning themselves to hell. It just never made sense to me how someone so sinful could be so kind and wonderful.

Now I’m proud of my friends. I’m comfortable being me. I don’t know a lot of things, but I don’t need to. I know now that I just need to be myself instead of trying to pray the gay away (a legitimate thing I did in year five).

To everyone who is closeted, struggling, in a dangerous situation: you are valid. You are loved and cared for. You are who you are and nothing will change that. You can be who you are and not be damned for eternity. You don’t need to drop religion because you’re an outcast; your god(s) love you no matter what humans will try and tell you.

Y’all go out there with your heads held high, body parts added or compressed, names changed, makeup done, and be your awesome self.

You are incredible. Never forget it.

[alterin]

My thoughts about Hyde, Sakura and all these rumors we are interested in

Well, I know my page is not Hyde related, but I wanted to share my thoughts anyway.

Disclaimer: it’s all based on different interviews I read and saw, and on Hyde’s book. I’m not sure if I could provide valid proofs, it’s your choice to agree or disagree.

Let’s start.

Hyde is a person who doesn’t lie. He considers it as a weakness. And that’s probably the reason why he doesn’t debunk rumors about his orientation and family. Hyde reads (or used to read) them and he simply asked people to stop and that’s all. Probably he just doesn’t want to lie. 

Hyde is a conservative person when it comes to family and children. He wanted to have a family like his parents had. He got married because he thought it was right (hello, internal homophobia), had a child and his expectations were not met. Whether he is divorced or not, he said “his family has plans for the future”, so he didn’t confirm rumors. Such an abstract answer, but again, Hyde is not a lier.

About Sakura - I think there definetely was something between them. I wouldn’t say that they dated, most likely there were a lot of misunderstandings. Sakura and Hyde have a lot of similarities and, at the same moment, they are very different. After the drug situation Hyde he locked himself at home and didn't talk to anyone for 2 monthes. Hyde had dreams about him everyday. He said he liked Sakura very much and he believed he would eventually came back. It wasn’t his decision to find a new drummer and for me it seems suspicious (I think Tetsu planned it). Hyde said he still has a wound on his heart. 

My absolutely insane thoughts on Sakuhai history:

1. 1993 - Sakura moves to Osaka, hangs out with Hyde a lot and lives with him. Don’t forget when he said that he was proud/happy to go out with Hyde, because he looked feminine and people thought Sakura was with a beautiful girl (just casual bros behaviour). Hyde was clueless about that and probably dated some girls.

2. Interview when Sakura was on a leash?? Excuse me???

3. The ring as a gift from Sakura? And Hyde literally didn’t take it off???

4. The interview when members were asked who would you marry from the group and both Sakura and Hyde called each other.

5. Entire I’m so happy song. No comments needed.

6. May 23, 2009. Concert in Fukuoka. Sakura and Hyde accidentally met after live. Sakura said he came for someone birthday and decided to show up on concert, but he was late. It reminds me cliche from bl, when person A comes to person’s B house without them knowing, braves himself to go into and then person B suddenly appears and asks “long time no see, what are you doing here?”. Person A says some stupid shit like “my friend from school lives here, came to meet them” and then says goodbye. Ah, misunderstandings again.

Well, basically I think something intimate happened between them, but Hyde decided to act like nothing happened, because he wanted to have a “normal” family after that. Sakura fell first and was happy just to be close and make music together. Then, after _something_, Sakura started to feel left out, did drugs, Hyde realized how wrong he was, after being locked at home he wanted to confess his feelings, but Sakura was restricted to go out in public. Then meeting with Megumi, Hyde believed he loved her, so then he could be normal, but it didn’t work in fact. I don’t think it was staged, I think Hyde truly believed in that. I’m homosexual myself, but I used to date men and even planned a marriage, and only several years after I realized my feelings to the person in school, but it was too late.

Thank you for reading that self-indulgent confession. Would be happy to learn more rumors that fit my perception of them <3

[ehezemaszeretetedre]

read this please

Dear person whoever reads this, Hey, you, yes, I am talking right to you. I hope you will see yourself with the eyes I see you one day, because I can tell you have some awesome music taste :) You’re such a beautiful human being and worth and enough. I hope you know that you do only need yourself to be happy, I know society build up the standard that whenever you’re alone you’re not living a happy live. But in fact that is not true, if you start to realize that you actually deserve all the good things happening to you, you will treat yourself a lot  nicer. I hope you let yourself rest, don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes, over regret, and over everything your mind wants to destroy you. I wish I could remove all those demons inside of your head because you deserve to feel happy. If you ever feel lonely then watch the sky, because you know, someone, at the same time is watching the sky too, maybe feeling the same way..I am glad you exist and I hope you won’t ever remove your own spot in this world, maybe you don’t feel like you belong here but, Angel, then build your home here. I don’t want you to leave this world unhappy. I want you to live every little second, I want you to feel alive, I don’t want you to see yourself just existing. You deserve it. Whatever happened, it’s not your fault, the demons in your head recognize that you have a beautiful heart, they want to take it because they have never seen such beautiful heart as yours, so why let them win over you? . You’re not selfish for isolating yourself, but you deserve to talk to someone. If you’re reading this than please never forget to breath and smile.

Don’t live up to other standards! It’s your story and not theirs.

Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one.

I love you and send you hugs.  You’re so strong, you’re still here, and I am proud of you.

YOU ARE NOT USELESS. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE LOVED. READ THAT AGAIN. 

I AM GLAD YOU EXIST. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE NOT A PROBLEM. YOU ARE HUMAN AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. READ THAT AGAIN. 

You’re not a burden to anyone, don’t be afraid to talk, to use your voice. You’re beautiful inside out. 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. READ THAT AGAIN. I WISH I COULD HUGH YOU RIGHT NOW, SO A VIRTUAL HUG WILL DO. 

It hurts me to see you’re in pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. 

I love u I love u I love u I love u I love u please don’t go. I am sorry that no one is hearing you, I am sorry no one is noticing that you have lost yourself.

I wish I could take your pain away, it hurts me to see the pain in your eyes.  I love you trough my words and I mean it. I just want you to stay, hold on a little longer okay? Please? For me.??

I hope you have an awesome day/ morning/ evening/ night.

If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you.

If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. 

If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re stronger than you think, I know you will make it :) All I want for you is to stay and feel alive. 

Now wipe those tears away and smile for me, you really don’t know much a smile can brighten someone’s day, do you? 

I hope one day yours will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive.  

You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. I need you here with me :). 

Remember crying is not weakness, let it out as much as you can but don’t let the emotion control you by giving up. It’s okay, you’re here, you’re safe, you can let it out. 

Did anyone asked you, how you are feeling today? If not, how are you really? I don’t think you’re doing good, but you will feel good at one point. Don’t give yourself up. And anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). 

Enough with beating up yourself for today, okay?

 - The stranger that cares about you more than anything. I hope this is enough for you to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. I hope you can stay.

This is your sign to stay and treat yourself with love, you deserve it. I hope you will remember my words.

Credits:Becho:)

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

NSFW Headcanons~ Stu Macher

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Stu is a whore. A blatant, wanton little whore. He’s been around and he’s rather proud of it. So yes, you’re dealing with someone who has a lot of experience under their belt.

- Stu is shameless, he’s lewd and he’s dirty minded, so don’t be surprised if he’s constantly making innuendos, hand/tongue gestures, and trying to get you into bed with him.

- Choosing to only give this boy head takes Olympian levels of self control because he does not make it easy. The sounds, the faces, the flush on his cheeks: he’s the type of guy who’s willing to let go and let you see how much he’s enjoying what you’re doing and that in itself is enough of a turn on; and an ego boost.

- Besides being a loudmouth with no filter, Stu’s also an exceptional pussy eater: a skill that he’s incredibly fond of demonstrating. Just try not to show the extent of which your legs are shaking after he’s finished because he’s already too cocky about it and you don’t need to give him another reason to flash his tongue at you.

- How he reacts to foreplay really just depends on the day. Sometimes he’s fully willing to sit and makeout for an hour; getting drunk on your affection, other times he’s whining and trying to get you to stop slapping his hands away so he can finally take your clothes off and touch you.

- He wouldn’t want anyone; besides you, to know it but he definitely enjoys being submissive. He doesn’t want you tying him up and whipping him but he does enjoy it when pretty girls take control of him; probably because he’s a tall boy with self worth issues.

- Depending on the day, Stu is either a hyper puppy who wants to move fast and ravage you, or a needy sub who wants you to go slow and torture him; regardless of how much he’ll whine and complain.

- You usually wind up riding him but you’ll occasionally find yourself bent over a counter as he presses kisses to your neck and squeezes the skin of your hips.

- Praise kink. Stu’s sort of used to being treated like shit and for a sensitive boy like him, that’s really rough, so he really enjoys when you compliment and validate him.

- Before you were dating, he definitely had one of those typical wet dreams where the love interest; in this case you, is sort of just there in lingerie for some reason, entering the persons bedroom and saying how they’ve always liked them as they climb into bed with them. He deserves to get bullied for how cliche his fantasies are.

- Needy, jealous sex. Sometimes he just really wants your attention on him.

- Please be nice to him. Touch him, hold his face, treat him gently. He deserves it; when he isn’t being a little shit.

- Prior to meeting you, Stu was used to and perfectly fine with normal, horny teenager sex; and to an extent he still is, but there was at least one point in your relationship where you took things slow and acted really sweet and loving with him and he hasn’t been able to get it out of his head. You left him in a tired, flustered pile and he will never forget that day.

- Lots of touching and kissing on his part. Stu is terrible at keeping his hands off of you.

- Pet names. He loves using them in general so it’s no surprise when they show up in the bedroom.

- Stu is obviously not a very serious person so having sex with him usually isn’t going to be very serious either. The two of you wind up smiling and giggling through half of it most of the time.

- Fooling around at parties and having somewhat tipsy sex.

- He definitely throws you over his shoulder and carries you off to bed when it’s obvious that you’re willing to get down and dirty.

- Threesomes with Billy; though your boyfriend might get a little jealous from time to time if you pay more attention to his crush friend.

- He’s probably turned on by intelligence. He doesn’t even like half of the shit you talk about but the fact that you’ve memorized it and can explain it to him like you came up with it leaves him hot and bothered.

- He kinda likes when you get loud on him. It really boosts his ego.

- Shout out to your tits because they are never going to be left alone when he’s around you. And shout out to you because half the time he pays more attention to them than whatever you’re trying to say.

- Every time you do anything even mildly related to what you may or may not do in the bedroom; like putting your hair up in a ponytail, earns you a shit eating grin; as though he’s going to get action in the middle of you doing your homework. Sometimes you’ll do said things just to “be cruel” and prove a point.

- Stu comes from a pretty wealthy family and you cannot convince me that he’s never tried to momentarily become your sugar daddy. Like he’ll offer to get you something while grinning and saying “but you’ll have to do something for me”.

- Logistically speaking here, Stu has to have a big dick. I mean come on, look at him: he’s a lanky boy who’s over six foot tall. Even his tongue looks longer than normal.

- He tends to either just pull out or, if you prefer it, he’ll finish in your mouth. But condoms are obviously also an option; he might complain a little at first but he isn’t about to pass up sex because of a little latex.

- He’s such a sweetheart after the two of you finish. Aftercare is honestly probably more important to him than it is to you. He lives for all the cuddling and loving touches, and all the sweet nothings and praise that the two of you say to each other.

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.🤍

[thefanficmonster]

Fated

Karl Heisenberg x Autistic, Sound-sensitive Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Noise sensitivity

Genre: Romance, Comfort

Summary: Not everyone could love a man like Heisenberg. But Y/N isn’t everyone, nor is she just anyone. She loves him as the whole package he is: murderous intentions, human experiments and all.

Requested by @phoenixofthevalley Hi dear! Here you go - the first fic I’ve ever written for Karl Heisenberg (first of many) and thank you so much for being my first ever Resident Evil 8 requester! Hope you enjoy the read! Feel free to correct me if I’ve described anything incorrectly or in an accidentally offensive manner. I have no intention of spreading hate or any type of misconception so I’d really appreciate the correction. Love, Vy ❤

Watching Karl get so excited over this grand plan of his - the destroying of Mother Miranda, his revenge - it all makes me feel uneasy. I can’t explain the feeling, mostly cause I’ve never felt it before, and I can’t quite describe it either. I don’t connect to people easily and I’ve always been told I’m the problem but I guess it took the right person to make me feel things I haven’t felt for no one else all my life.

“The weren’t worthy of your emotions, darling.“ Karl told me on one of the rare occasions when I opened up my mind to him. I felt his words wrap around me like a comforting embrace. For the first time in my life, I felt understood.

I think that’s what took me the longest to get used to - being understood, seen and validated. My opinions had never before been taken into account seriously, my personal boundaries were rarely respected by others and people always had a hard time dealing with how distant I can be. But what bothers me above all is how people refer to me as dramatic because of my sound sensitivity - something no one took seriously when I’d tell them about it.

Karl did though, surprising me to no end.

He respects that I like my personal space and prefer not being shown much affection, especially not physical. He understands that I have a hard time showing people affection myself. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m ok with whatever it is he’s doing, saying or suggesting. And I’m sure that if I were to ever tell someone about this, they wouldn’t believe me. That’s most definitely due to his rough exterior and intimidating appearance. Also probably because he comes off as downright selfish and rude when you first meet him, but getting to know him was a journey worth taking because I now know the real him. A trust me, his rough exterior and the softness of his true self have nothing in common. Although, he does claim that softness is only reserved for me.

With all that laid out, it’s completely understandable that I don’t want him going up against Mother Miranda. Thanks to Karl I’ve never had the displeasure of running into her, but I’ve heard countless stories of how powerful and downright terrifying that witch is. Bottom line: I don’t want Karl walking into something that’s the equivalent of suicide.

And I’ve finally decided to let him know exactly how I feel about it.

I’ve been sitting here, searching for my voice as I observe Karl in his deepest thinking space. He’s constantly in it, if you ask me - constantly thinking, looking for ways to make his innovations better, stronger, more powerful to add to his chances of victory against the sadistic ruler of this village. He was already at his desk when I walked in, hunched over dozens of drawings drawn with cut-edge precision yet in his mind they are probably not near good enough. In his mind, all he does is never good enough. He prides himself on this factory and what he’s produced thus far but he cannot stay proud of himself for very long, he constantly feels the need to better himself in order to remain worthy in his eyes. I wish I could change his mindset on those grounds but I know that my tries would be futile and pointless.

“Karl?“ I suddenly speak up, surprising both him and myself. I don’t know what I was thinking opening my mouth when I still have no idea how to go about this without making it seem like I don’t believe in him. That is in no way the case. I believe he can defeat her, if he cannot do it himself, his robo-army most certainly can. But I don’t want defeating her to cost him his life cause without him in mine I’m not sure what will be left of me.

He straightens up from where he’s been hunched over for the past God knows how many hours, rolling his shoulders and stretching his arms as her turns to look at me, his sunglasses capturing the white neon light in the office as he does so.

“What is it, darling? Something wrong?“ he takes a step towards me as I stand up and go to approach him.

“Actually...“ Suddenly, that thing he keeps in a safety cell just below this room starts going off with that annoying loud sound it makes. It’s always disturbed me, ever since it came to exist which was not so long ago considering it’s been his latest project. It not only terrifies me but triggers my sound sensitivity as do most of the machines in this forsaken factory.

I close my eyes tightly shut as I cover my ears with my hands, praying for the sound to go away as soon as possible because I can’t take it. It almost makes me physically nauseous and gives me vertigo, bringing me to the brink of tears because of its loudness and intensity, like it’s drilling right into my brain.

I can’t quite pinpoint the exact moment the sound went away because when faced with such a pain-inducing experience, my senses tend to tune out while I still remain conscious, but when my hearing returns I the only thing I’m able to hear is a steady heartbeat and a steady breathing. 

“It’s ok, darling. You’re ok.“ I hear Karl’s quiet whisper, giving me peace and coaxing me into opening my eyes.

When I do so, I come to realize why the rest of the world has gone quiet. Why I’m suddenly so flooded with comfort like no one is able to bring me. No one but him.  One of my ears is pressed up to his chest while the other is covered by his warm hand which travels up to move a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ear as he repeats his soothing words like a chant, slowly starting to let go of me out of fear that he’s crossing a line. He’s always so wary about that and I’ll forever be grateful to him for it.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?“ His hands gently cup my cheeks, tilting my head so I can look him in the eyes - directly in the eyes, for he has ridden himself of his glasses. I’ve found he does that often when around me - removes his glasses. I once asked him why that is but the answer he gave me was vague, all the while a small smile played on his face. Guess he’s a bigger secret-keeper than I primarily thought. It doesn’t bother me really, I know the only secrets he keeps are the ones that would be a hazard for my safety if he exposed me to them, so I allow him his secrets and I keep some of my own to myself. It’s only fair, after all.

I nod, blinking up at him, “Yes, I’m ok. But...“ Now or never, girl. Now or never. “But if you want me to be honest, I will be.”

He looks baffled by my answer but he doesn’t falter, quickly regaining his composure before he replies, “Of course, dear. I always want you to be honest with me. What’s on your mind, what’s bothering you?“

Now “I haven’t been really ok for a while now.” I take his hands in mine, removing them from my cheeks but holding them firmly between us - a gesture that surprises me just as much as it shocks him. Never have I felt the need to be so close to someone. It may be momentary and temporary, but I refuse to dwell on that as I push forward with my argument, “I haven’t been ok since you told me about your plane. The whole thing with Mother Miranda and all that...” Not the time to be leaving me, words. I started this, I’ll finish it. “Look, Karl, I know you and your army can bring that witch to her demise but...”

“But what, Y/N? Tell me.“ He encourages me softly, his hands subtly tightening their hold on mine as if to keep me grounded, remind me he’s listening closely to every word I’m saying. Like he always does.

“But what if it doesn’t go as planned?“ I blurt out, biting my bottom lip nervously. It makes me anxious, being so honest and emotionally exposed. That’s so rare for me I doubt I’ll ever get used to it, but that’s the only way I have at least a fragment of a chance of convincing Karl to drop this. “What if things go south and you end up killed or turned into a monster or something else?“

The concern on his face washes away when he hears my words, getting replaced by a soft, consoling smile. I quickly look away, feeling that confession on my part was quite odd. I feel out of place but not uncomfortable, I don’t know how to explain it. It almost feels like relief, like I’ve finally gotten a huge boulder off my chest and I can finally breathe properly. But I can’t, not until I hear his reply. That smile should probably tell me something but it doesn’t - I won’t believe anything until I hear it come out of his mouth with my own two ears.

“Oh Y/N, darling, you won’t lose me. Ever.“ His thumb swipes across my knuckles soothingly, drawing abstract patterns on the skin of the back of my hand, “You never need to worry about me, hun, I ain’t going anywhere. No one can take me away from you or you away from me. Anyone who dares to try, well, bad things will happen to ‘em.“ He chuckles, easing the tension enough for me to able to look up at him again. When our eyes meet again, I see something I can’t name nor describe. All I know is that what he’s telling me is genuine and comes, “I’ll always be here, by your side, Y/N. I will always be here to shield you from anything and anyone. Any rogue lycan or any loud sound, I’ll be there to prevent it from reaching you. Never forget that. Ok?“

That urge to be have him close takes over me again. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I see a clock ticking down, counting down the numbered hours we have together before he inevitably carries out his plan. As scary as that is, I think I can do nothing but accept it.

And so, that’s exactly what I do.

Wrapping my arms around him tenderly, enveloping him in the first hug I’ve ever given him - probably the first hug anyone has given him - I accept our fate, silently hoping it changes somewhere along the lines.

“Ok.“

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 7

Sorry this took so long y'all. This chapter was difficult to write. Hannibal invites Theresa for dinner and y/n finally confronts her.

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, child sex abuse; graphic descriptions of violence; confronting an abuser; body-shaming

The stitches in your cut hadn't even dissolved before Theresa intruded on your life again. Before you stormed out, Hannibal did in fact invite her to dinner. Polite society would rule the invitation null and void after that confrontation, but Theresa felt herself exempt from the laws of politeness. Like Evangelicals or craisins, Theresa loved to insert herself where she was clearly not wanted.

Of course, you were peeved at Hannibal for upholding the invitation when she called. But you could tell he had something planned. He was intrigued by her audacity and wanted to see how far it would take her. You couldn't begrudge him professional curiosity, as you too wondered what the fuck her problem was.

In truth, you saw what he did to your grandma, and you wanted to see him do it to Theresa. You wanted her subject to the same psychological torment that she put you through. And that, you realized, was why he honored that invitation. He wanted to vindicate you. And that was the sexiest damn thing you could possibly imagine.

Theresa showed up alone. That was her first mistake.

"Thank you for having me, Dr. Lecter." Theresa greeted, shedding her long coat and dropping it to the ground. "Will [F/N] be joining us?"

"[F/N] will most certainly be joining us." Hannibal said, his voice hardening. He noticed her coat in a pile on the floor and something in his head clicked.

"I hope I'm not overdressed." Theresa tossed her hair over her shoulders. 

She was. And you knew even before she showed up that she'd wear that green evening dress with the plunging neckline. It was the same one she wore to prom. She kept it as a memento all these years to memorialize the day she completely fucked you over. 

She was here to make history repeat itself. 

"Not all, Ms. [L/N]," Hannibal grinned, glancing at the staircase. "[F/N] is just touching up her makeup.”

“That sounds like [F/N].” Theresa laughed. “She always took the most time getting ready in the morning. And she was always the ugliest. It was quite sad, really.”  

Hannibal reminded himself what he had in store for Theresa before letting himself get angry. “If you could join me in the kitchen, I could use a little help with the appetizers.” 

Theresa took the bait and followed him through the threshold into the massive kitchen. 

“Could I trouble you for some psychological advice, Doctor Lecter?” She said, leaning against the island.

“That depends.” He answered, though the tone of his voice connoted a firm ‘no’. “Are you going to be honest with me?” 

Theresa mounted herself on top of the island and crossed her legs. “I’ve just been having quite a bit of trouble in my marriage.”

"Please get off my counter." Hannibal politely demanded. "I just sterilized it this morning."

“My husband just isn’t so excited by me anymore.” She pouted like a child. “He just doesn’t seem interested in... well, any of the things I have to offer him.” 

“Have you considered the possibility that you have nothing to offer?” You said. You approached them with purpose, the skirt of your purple dress fluttering behind you. Your favorite pair of strappy heels clacked against the tile and echoed through the room with every step. 

“[F/N] makes a valid point.” Hannibal agreed, taking you under his arm. “You’re an abusive narcissist, a serial adulterer, and you’re quite horrible at flirting. I certainly don’t understand what you could possibly have to offer.” 

“Nice to see you again, [F/N].” Theresa said, resigned to her defeat. “I didn’t want to say anything at the wedding, but you look like you’ve gained a few pounds.” 

You almost laughed. Growing up, Grandma had subjected you to every form of body-shaming known to man. Nothing Theresa could say would have any effect on you. 

“Really? Because I’ve never felt better in my life.” You smiled, knowing it to be true. “Hannibal is an amazing cook. You’d probably gain weight too if you were eating so well.” 

"Well, I have appearances to keep up." She refuted. "Gideon and I both have very busy schedules. Besides, he finds the kitchen more of a woman's domain."

"Unfortunate for you." Hannibal threw a dish towel over his shoulder and picked up a wine bottle by the neck. He kept his hands busy by pouring three glasses of wine. "That Gideon does not put in the time to keep you well-fed and fulfilled. Might I suggest not molesting children as a remedy?"

You snickered as he handed you a glass. You migrated to the dining table, where the trial was set to take place.

"Did you invite me here just to gang up on me?" Theresa leaned back in her chair. "Because if so, that's really mature."

"Of course not." You said, Hannibal pulling your chair out for you. You placed your napkin in your lap. "Well, maybe a little."

Theresa took a long sip of wine. "You're not going to get an apology if that's what you're after."

"Oh no." You shook your head. "I've stopped expecting basic human decency from you years ago."

"Good." Theresa huffed. "Since that's clearly what you want me to be, that's what I'll be."

"Don't give me that shit." You sighed. "I know what gaslighting is and you're not as good at it as you think."

"Y'know I never asked to be a parent figure to you and Anna." She crossed her arms.

"You may not have asked for it but you sure as hell enjoyed it." You countered, furrowing your brow. "Don't act like you weren't the dictator's right-hand man. You sucked up to grandma and always got preferential treatment."

"I was a kid." She shrugged. "You're really gonna blame me for the shit I did before my skull fully hardened?"

"Well, it exposes a way larger pattern of behavior." You explained. "You're a megalomaniac that wants power without responsibility. So you attach yourself to someone with power, probably another narcissist who's too self-involved to see what a leech you really are. It's what you did with grandma and it's what you're doing with Gideon."

Dressing Theresa down like that gave you a rush. It made you feel alive. But more importantly, it made her look small. It stripped her of her power.

"Well done, Sherlock." Theresa taunted. "But you're forgetting one thing. If I were a megalomaniac, why would I waste my time beating up on you? Some nobody with no power to speak of?"

"Because I'm a living reminder of your past." You narrowed your eyes. "I remind you that you can't just beat everyone into submission."

"Ladies," Hannibal interrupted, holding three bowls. He placed one in front of you, the savory broth enticing your nose. "This is pot-au-feu. It is a simple French stew made from beef, vegetables and potatoes. I added a marrow-bone for extra richness. It's the perfect combination of simplicity and substance."

You couldn't even wait for Hannibal to sit down. You'd been so hungry all day. Smelling the meat slowly braise over the course of the day was torturous. You went straight for the marrow, which was a recent favorite of yours.

Theresa picked the bone up between two fingers and dropped it onto the table, her face wrapped with disgust. "I think I'll pass. I'm not a dog."

"You are not." Hannibal said, spearing a piece of meat on his fork. "I find dogs much better company."

Theresa tented her fingers and glared at Hannibal. "So you're just going to let her rip into me? Aren't you supposed to be the professional here?"

"Don't discount [F/N]'s analysis just because she is a student." Hannibal glared back at her. "From what I know about you, she's dead on."

"Isn't this entire interaction a professional conflict of interest?" Theresa folded her arms. "I don't trust her to analyze me because she hates me."

Hannibal put his utensils down. Anger flashed across his face. "I don't think you quite understand what this interaction is. You are not owed an unbiased psychological profile, especially not from me. You are not my patient. You are [F/N]'s abuser."

Theresa narrowed her eyes and leaned over the table. "So if you understand that, why am I here?"

"You think very highly of your intelligence, Theresa." Hannibal glanced down at his dish. "Perhaps you can figure that one out yourself."

You coughed, narrowly avoiding choking on your food.

"Darling, please pace yourself." Hannibal instructed, though he seemed pleased with how enthusiastically you inhaled your meal. "You're going to make yourself sick if you eat too fast."

"I'm sorry." You said after taking a long sip of water. "I don't know why, I'm just so hungry today."

Hannibal dropped his eyebrows, looking worried. "Did you take your medicine this morning?"

"I think so." You nodded.

Theresa smiled and reached for her phone. The movement caught Hannibal's attention, and he could tell what she was up to right away.

"Theresa, it's very rude to text at the dinner table." He scolded, taking a sip of wine. "Surely, anything you're saying to your grandmother and Anna, you can say to us."

Theresa, too proud to back down, slipped her phone into her purse and met your eyes. "You're pregnant."

"Brilliant fucking deductive reasoning." You rolled your eyes. "A woman gains a little weight and has a healthy appetite? That's the only logical conclusion I would draw."

"Well, aren’t we defensive?" Theresa taunted. "Congratulations, by the way."

"Theresa, stop it." You gritted your teeth, trying not to convey how pissed you were.

"You're going to need to drop out of school to take care of the baby full time." Theresa sneered.

You knew exactly where she was taking this and you wanted more than anything to just disappear. You reached for the wine bottle and refilled your glass. "Shut up, Theresa. Shut the fuck up before you say something you'll regret."

Her face lit up from the satisfaction of finally making you angry. "And someday you'll blow your brains out just like your mother!"

This time, she would regret it. You chucked the empty wine bottle across the table. It hit her directly in the face with a deafening crunch before ricocheting off the table and shattering on the ground.

Theresa brought her finger to her nose, noticing the stream of blood trickling from her nostril. She stood up, stabilizing herself with the back of the chair.

"I didn't think you had it in you." She jabbed before collapsing to the ground.

You went silent, too afraid to look at Hannibal.

"For what it's worth, darling." Hannibal piped up. "I always knew that you did."

[nep2unes]

✧ overarching theme: “do you hear the tunes of your soul? they’re calling to you. persistently singing to you in waves, begging for you to make a change. are you going to listen and answer or will you sit in despair?” 

 CHANNELED PLAYLIST— shuffle 4 times for a message! or feel free to just let it play and see what comes up. 

✧ signs channeled: rainbows, sunshine, jhene aiko, butterflies, candy, sweet tooth, red roses, smelling sweet scents out of no where, inner child healing, releasing, crows, blue, yellow, 222, 32, lot’s of 2′s and 3′s, fire energy, air energy, researching archangels, archangel michael, archangel azriel, blushing, akon, 2000′s throwback playlist, clubbing, partying, golf, mushrooms, hot flashes on certain parts of your body, long hair, rose quartz, clear quartz

boundaries are needed at this time. you do not need anyone in your life that will question these things. they’re simply not meant to be in your life so keep it pushing dawg! 

stop seeking instant gratification through technology my love. when you start having anxiety. do something you used to love to do as a child! you’ll feel wayyyy lighter! 

please stop going back and forth on your intuition. it’s correct. don’t second guess yourself. that’s self-doubt and there’s no room for it when you’re trying to create this new life for yourself. 

whatever makes you uncomfortable and anxious, chase it. that's where change and peace lies. 

a good chunk of y’all have some secret admirers. they’re watching you at the moment. they’re drawn to you heavily but also very nervous to approach you so give 'em a break!  if you know who this is, focus your energy on yourself and your responsibilities. they’re going to come forward as soon as you practice detachment. 

decisions, decisions, decisions! use discernment and allow your intuition to guide you. 10 times out of 10, you already know what you need to do. the answers are already within you. ALSO don’t allow any outside influences affect these choices you have to make because these are divinely aligned opportunities (life-changing)! 

please take care of yourself. you’re taking on a lot at this time and burden is getting a little too heavy for you. it’s not because you can’t handle it, it’s just cause you’re neglecting yourself. do something fun! let loose! get some rest! anything that will lift your spirits up.

if any situations trigger you, work through it by using healthy alternatives. hint: this so called “healthy alternative” has crossed your mind but you’re just a stubborn mfer and ignored it. but do it! it’s worth the try, if it doesn't work then there's a plethora of other options out there for you. 

reach out to your loved ones. the support is there for a reason and it doesn’t make you weak. they’ll understand. in fact, this is gonna help you more than anything. 

balance is key. tap into your intuition but stay grounded as well. it’s easy to lose yourself in one thing. 

for those who want confirmation, yes, you passed the test! congrats my love. take this time to celebrate with yourself and your guides. you came a long way. you deserve this. 

validate your feelings! your guides are proud that you are finally acknowledging all your thoughts; the good AND the icky ones BUT don't just analyze them. allow yourself to feel them as well. 

it’s ok to stand your ground. you’re protected regardless. you got a whole army of people on earth as well as in the spiritual realm that got your back. you're never alone. 

practice gratitude at this time because this will raise your vibration heavily and allow you to manifest easier. you're a master manifestor, just don’t forget to give back. 

remember that being the truest version of yourself is key to healing yourself and others. 

influence the energy in the room rather than absorbing it.

recognize your strength. you’ve powered through before so do it again but this time through the change because it is simply inevitable.

FINAL ADVICE: the cycle that you’re in now, it’s time to end. it’s time to clean house and let go of anything that isn’t benefiting you at the moment. blessings lie ahead. that’s why you’re so uncomfortable. a new chapter awaits and it’s full of abundance, opportunities, offers, etc. that are going to benefit you long term. so leave it all behind. this clean slate is necessary. you’re holding back because you’re scared of leaving your comfort zone but trust me when i say this, this new cycle is going to change your life forever. only if you allow it. you have the upper hand so believe it, let go, and don’t look back. 

MUCH LOVE, NEP2UNES <3

[mcyt-sh1t]

Dear person whoever reads this,

Hey, you, yes, I am talking right to you. I hope you will see yourself with the eyes I see you one day, because I can tell you have some awesome music taste :) You’re such a beautiful human being and worth and enough. I hope you know that you do only need yourself to be happy, I know society build up the standard that whenever you’re alone you’re not living a happy live. But in fact that is not true, if you start to realize that you actually deserve all the good things happening to you, you will treat yourself a lot nicer. I hope you let yourself rest, don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes, over regret, and over everything your mind wants to destroy you. I wish I could remove all those demons inside of your head because you deserve to feel happy. If you ever feel lonely then watch the sky, because you know, someone, at the same time is watching the sky too, maybe feeling the same way.. I am glad you exist and I hope you won’t ever remove your own spot in this world, maybe you don’t feel like you belong here but, Angel, then build your home here. I don’t want you to leave this world unhappy. I want you to live every little second, I want you to feel alive, I don’t want you to see yourself just existing. You deserve it. Whatever happened, it’s not your fault, the demons in your head recognize that you have a beautiful heart, they want to take it because they have never seen such beautiful heart as yours, so why let them win over you? . You’re not selfish for isolating yourself, but you deserve to talk to someone. If you’re reading this than please never forget to breath and smile.

Don’t live up to other standards! It’s your story and not theirs.

Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. I love you and send you hugs. You’re so strong, you’re still here, and I am proud of you.

YOU ARE NOT USELESS. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE LOVED. READ THAT AGAIN.

I AM GLAD YOU EXIST. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE NOT A PROBLEM.

YOU ARE HUMAN AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE NOT BEING DRAMATIC.

You’re not a burden to anyone, don’t be afraid to talk, to use your voice.

You’re beautiful inside out. Your body is beautiful the way it is.

Please don’t starve yourself. Please eat, I know it’s hard but you deserve food. You deserve to eat and drink.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. READ THAT AGAIN.

I WISH I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW, SO A VIRTUAL HUG WILL DO.

It hurts me to see you’re in pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. I love u I love u I love u I love u I love u please don’t go.

I am sorry that no one is hearing you, I am sorry no one is noticing that you have lost yourself. I wish I could take your pain away, it hurts me to see the pain in your eyes. I love you trough my words and I mean it. I just want you to stay, hold on a little longer okay? Please? For me.??

I hope you have an awesome day/ morning/ evening/ night.

If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you.

If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits.

If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re stronger than you think, I know you will make it :)

Now wipe those tears away and smile for me, you really don’t know much a smile can brighten someone’s day, do you? I hope one day yours will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world.

Remember crying is not weakness, let it out as much as you can but don’t let the emotion control you by giving up. It’s okay, you’re here, you’re safe, you can let it out.

Did anyone ask you, how you are feeling today? If not, how are you really? I don’t think you’re doing good, but you will feel good at one point. Don’t give yourself up.

I am sorry you feel misunderstood.

But anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :).

Enough with beating up yourself for today, okay?!

- The stranger that cares about you more than anything :))

[skeletal-kitt]

Here’s a list of PJO and HoO things that I ignore or change to fit my own version of it in my head

Hazel is 15 instead of 13

Leo and Calypso breakup before the get back to Camp Half-Blood, they both realize neither of them need to be in a relationship at the time. Calypso wants to explore the world and Leo still has some growing up to do so they go they’re separate ways. But they’re great freinds and will always be special to each other in the way that you never forget your first love.

Nico and Will don’t start dating until right before Tower of Nero. In The Hidden Oracle theyre best freinds who secretly like each other but Nico is not ready to be in a relationship so soon after everything he’s been though. Nico gets some real therapy from Dionysus sooner too.

Nico still visits the underworld at least once a week.

Nico senses Jason’s death and has a nightmare and sees the whole thing a day before it happens. He only tells Chiron and Dionysus. The days after Jason dies they break the news to the camp.

A couple days after that, Nico senses the proper burial rights for Jason have been done at camp Jupiter somehow and that means Jason will now be in Elysium so Nico pays him a visit and gets the whole story about Apollo’s quest. (Also to say goodbye to another good friend) 

Nico tells Chiron, Dionysus, and Apollo cabin everything he learned from Jason. When Apollo comes to camp in the Tower of Nero he’s confused how everyone already knows the first half of his quest.

I just don’t see Piper dating anyone so soon after Jason died. I know they broke up cause Piper wanted to know who she really was and that’s totally valid I’m actually kinda glad they broke up but she also said Jason was the closest and best friend she ever had and told Jason literally everything even things she didn’t tell Annabeth. If I had a friend like that I wouldn’t be dating anyone for a couple years while I’m mourning they’re death. I would like to have Apollo state its like two years later after the trials that he went to visit Piper and she has had time to mourn her best freinds death and been through the whole self journey thing and has a girlfriend now.

Clarrise is bi and Silena is pan and they secretly dated for a time but broke up because Silena wanted to go public with the relationship and show off her gf but Clarrise was still battling a lot of internalized biphobia and just wasn’t ready to come all the way out of the closet so they ended up going their separate ways but we’re still freinds. Silena started dating Beckendorf and Clarrise started dating Chris but they remained best friends.

Between HoO and ToA before Clarrise goes to college she officially comes out as bi. She feels kinda guilty for keeping it a secret for so long, felt like she was lying to her freinds and family for years but everyone supports her and tells her they’re proud of her and how brave she is. Clarrise could sswear she felt Silena smiling down at her.

Clarrise coming out also helps Nico a little. Everyone’s positive and supporting reactions show Nico that this is a safe place for people like him and he doesn’t feel like as much of an outcast.

I don’t know how this turned into a short story/headcannon post but my phones about to die so I’m posting this now