#and guess what its all the fucking same to me

[coqhee]

LOVELY RIVALRY ♡ NI-KI ONESHOT

♡ pairing ﹕ academic rival!niki x female!reader ︲genre ﹕ highschool au, fluff, enemies to lovers ︲warning ﹕ nicknames, teasing, cursing, grammar and spelling errors︲wc ﹕ 3.5k ︲a/n ﹕ this whole fic is super ironic considering he was literally everywhere but school.

back 2 shelf

─── ♡

“i have to study if i want to score higher than niki on this chemistry test! i love you guys but i don’t have time to hang out,” you stressed to your friends at lunch. you put your hand back to your forehead as you looked back down to your notebook on the table.

you spun your pencil in your free hand while revising your notes. the words, numbers, and diagrams on the paper slowly merging into one big jumble in your mind. the more you looked at it, the more you felt there was to forget. 

“how are you still studying dumbass? that shit was so easy,” said a voice behind you. that voice being easily recognizable, as it would be the one you bicker with every. single. day.

“fuck off, i was literally sick for 3 days,”

“okay? i probably could’ve been done with all that material and more in the same amount of time,” you turned your head back to look at the boy towering over you. you rolled your eyes upon seeing him smirk at you with a smug expression on his face.

there he was running his fingers through his styled hair pushing it backwards. you looked him up and down and saw him adjust his denim jacket zipping part of it up.

“you’re so immature, get out of my face dipshit,” you snort, not ready to deal with him. you had your final for chemistry next class and you couldn’t be wasting time for chit-chat. especially with niki of all people. 

he rolled his eyes at your response and walked off with his juice box in hand swiftly making his way towards his friends

─── ♡

you made your way to your locker whilst one of your karina, your best friend practice quizzed you using the flashcards you made for the test. you opened your locker to find your favorite candy and a note with your name on it.

“good luck on the test ____. i’m sure you’ll do great”

you read the note, then looked back at the candy. 

“what’s that?” karina called from behind you waiting for you.

“some random person dropped my favorite candy and a note in my locker,” you responded back examining the note and its handwriting. the writing was in pen and you could tell it was clearly written with lots of care.

“well it wasn’t me, cmon hurry up you’re going to miss your own final,” karina called out slowly starting to back away and towards the classroom door.

“yeah yeah im coming, dont leave me.”

you slowly closed your locker and shoved the candy into your backpack. you crumpled the note and shoved it into the back pocket of your pants hastily hoping no one would see it and assume stuff of you. 

─── ♡

“that’s gotta be the worst i’ve ever done on a final, let alone a chemistry final,” you sighed coming out of the classroom. 

“oh come on, you say that every single time and you score the highest. ‘i did the worst’ or ‘i bombed that test’,” your karina replied, mocking your distress, starting to walk down the hall at a slow pace waiting for you.

“is what it is i guess, what else can i really do,” you shrugged. 

“really bombed that test huh, even with all that studying. guess you’re really not all that,” a voice sneered behind you. you rolled your eyes upon hearing that familiar voice. 

you turned around to find the familiar boy towering above you with his arms crossed, his dark brown eyes staring down at you. his lips curled into a smirk seeing your distress firsthand.

“what now niki, come here to harass me and brag to me that you did better? cause jeez it’s like you want my attention or something so i’ll tell you what. i’ve run out of shits to give to you, or anyone for that matter, so why don’t you go fuck off and stop talking to me, because all you do is follow me around and berate me,” you snapped at him. you knew he was probably smart enough to score higher than you but you had too much pride to admit it. 

you watched as he scrunched his nose upon hearing your snappy response. you followed his eyes as they bounced from his folder in hand, to the clock, then to you.

you watched as he simply turned to walk away from the situation itself and away from you. something irked you about the way he didn’t respond to any of your rude distasteful comments and just stood there and took it.

“niki! wait please!” you shouted running after him after a good distance was built between the two of you.

he turned upon hearing your voice, “yeah?”

“im sorry that was really rude. im just stressed about the test, i shouldn’t have gotten pissed at you,” you looked down at the ground feeling guilty.

“i really want to score good this final, if I score about a 95% i can qualify for the chemistry scholarship and..” you continued, mumbling at the end.

you never saw him this up close, but from here you could see his dark brown eyes glowing with some sort of spark as he listened to you talk.

he suddenly reached out and brushed the strand of hair that fell in front of your face and tucked it behind your ear as you started to continue talking about the scholarship. 

“sorry it was just in your face, hope you don’t mind,”

you felt your face flush with pink from the gesture as you blinked a couple times taking in what had just happened. “i-i um, yeah no worries,” you managed to stutter out avoiding eye contact with the tall boy. 

he looked to his right at the clock, and finally spoke again, “you should probably get to lunch with your friends or something, or go back to studying for finals if you want valedictorian,” a soft smile fell on his face. an expression unfamiliar to you, especially on him. 

“even though you know I’ll score higher than you anyways,” he continued, the familiar smug smirk forming on his face. you rolled your eyes like always upon hearing him say something snarky or pretentious. 

you let off a small snort at his words and turned to take your leave. running to catch up to karina who looked annoyed at waiting for you so often.

“come on ____, you always take forever bickering with niki. hey why are you blushing like a school girl,”. you wanted to tell her your interaction with niki just now but decided to refrain, maybe it was just a one off thing. either way it’d be your little secret.

“nothing, just flustered from the test that’s all,” you said starting to walk to lunch. you took one look behind you to find niki staring at you. 

as you made eye contact, he mouthed something but unfortunately for you, you sucked at reading lips, especially from this far away. 

─── ♡

you bit your bottom lip in a nervous wreck. today would be the day you got your chemistry test back. unmotivated to go to class, you dragged your feet to your locker. karina rolled her eyes at this display tired of dealing with your shit.

“im sure you did fine, you couldn’t have bombed it that bad, for fucks sake you pulled an all nighter,” 

“yeah but you know she’s the toughest grader out of all the chem teachers,” you complained as you continued to chew on your bottom lip. 

you slowly clicked the numbers on your lock in order, pulling down the lock to open it. you swung the locker door open to grab your chemistry notebook. taking your notebook out, you found a note with a $20 bill clipped to it.

you furrowed your eyes in confusion. wiping the sleep out of your eyes just to make sure your eyes didn’t deceive you. you reached your right hand in to grab it holding your notebook on the left. 

“the same person left me free money and a note,” you called out to karina who stood behind you waiting. 

“yeah yeah that’s nice, now hurry up, the bell is gonna ring on us”

you swatted your hand at karina. “just go ahead i still need to lock my locker up,” karina nodded and ran off towards the classroom. 

you looked back at the note clipped to the $20 bill in confusion.

im sure you did well, treat yourself after school to something nice.

you looked around to see if anyone was around you as if the person who wrote the note was going to be right there. you looked right and left and saw the empty halls, indicated you probably should get to class.

“shouldn’t you be at class miss wannabe valedictorian,” a low voice rang behind you.

you whipped your head around to find the familiar face raising his eyebrows at your presence in the empty halls.

“yeah I would be but i have a secret admirer that decided to leave me $20 in my locker today,” you responded back with an annoyed tone. so much for a “nice” niki, you thought to yourself. maybe yesterday had just been a one off.

“you really think $20 and candy means you have a secret admirer,” he rolled his eyes. he looked at the ticking clock soon to ring. he crossed his arms raising one eyebrow at your ‘logic’.

“what else am I supposed to think?” you paused for a moment. “wait howd you know about the candy?” you asked. you furrowed your brows again looking up at the boy. 

you saw his eyes looking towards the ticking clock, and realized you should probably get to class. whatever you thought. hes probably just a creep who saw me take out candy yesterday. 

─── ♡

you walked into class and slid into your seat, once again feeling a wave of anxiety wash over you. you saw niki walk in through the door soon after not even sparing a glance towards you. no smug smile, not even sticking his tongue out at you in retaliation.

“class, i must say, i’m quite disappointed with your test scores this final, many of you will have to stay after class or take summer courses to earn credit for this class” your teacher started. this only amplified your stress but all you could do was sit there and watch as she handed out tests to the rest of your classmates.

you listened as she called your name up to get your test. you quickly got up to grab it and turned it over avoiding the red mark in the top right of your test with your score.

once she finished handing out tests she made her way to the front of the class.

“as always, i’d like to give attention to our top 3 scorers,”

you waited in anticipation as she grabbed a slip of paper from her desk. 

“our third highest scorer for this test was karina,” your friend held her hand to her mouth in shock. she turned to you with surprise as you cheered for her.

“our second highest scorer for this test was niki” your teacher stated plainly. you heard a holler from the back of the class from his friends.

“of course, our top scorer was  _____ with full marks and extra credit,” she announced. your eyes widened hearing this and you finally flipped your test over to find no red marks apart from a ‘100/100 +2 extra credit’ written on the front.

you clasped hands with karina in excitement. you turned around and locked eyes with niki. you stuck your tongue out to mock him as payback for how much he bragged to you, to which he shrugged.

─── ♡

later that day, you made your way to the student store to buy an ice cream with the $20 your secret admirer had given you.

the student managing the store, gave a second by mistake, stressed by the crowd at the store.

you looked around seeing if there was anyone you could give it to and there you saw niki. sitting alone. which was unusual considering this was the boy who was constantly crowded by people for his good looks, or athletic ability, or sometimes even academic ability.

you approached him with a soft smile. “thanks for motivating me to do better on the test. or at least to do better than you,” you said, holding out the second ice cream bar.

he looked up at you in confusion, then to the ice cream bar. he slowly reached out, taking the bar cautiously. 

“this isn’t poisoned or anything right?” he asked slowly unwrapping the bar. you rolled your eyes at the question which he took as a no.

“thanks for motivating me too. i guess.” he said, taking a bite into the cold stick of ice cream. you watched as he ate the bar quietly, his eyes falling to the floor while he ate.

“truce?” you asked. he looked up at you in confusion, blinked a couple times then nodded.

the two of you figured it was about time you exchanged numbers considering you’d spent all of your high school years competing with each other over grades, and now that it was over you wouldn’t really see each other.

─── ♡

over the course of the next few weeks, you found more and more gifts inside your locker whenever you opened it. it got to the point where you could practically expect to see something there.

you walked out of class your class to find niki standing outside waiting.

“why are you here?” you questioned. this was one of the few periods you had that you didn’t share with him. 

“dunno, I have free period so I figured i could walk you to class or something,” you looked him up and down and found his stance quite relaxed.

“as a thanks for the ice cream of course, don’t think too far into it,” he continued as if to justify his previous answer. he scratched the nape of his neck while looking off to the side . you blinked at him and replied with a short and simple “sure”. you couldn’t tell if you should be thankful or what of this gesture considering it was weeks ago that you gave him ice cream.

the two of you walked to your next class in silence too awkward to say anything. i mean, this was the same boy you bickered with every single day about grades and all of a sudden he wanted to walk you to class? how likely. 

the two of you arrived at your next class at what felt like the pace of a turtle. at the door niki grabbed you by the cuff of your sleeve to the side whilst you tried to enter your class.

“hey um. listen, i have a second ticket for a movie tonight at 7 and my friend canceled on me. i overheard you wanted to watch it with friends so i’m just asking to ask. don’t think im being nice it just kinda worked out this way,” he quickly blurted out. he ran his hand throw his hair, some strands falling in front of his eyes perfectly framing his face.

“yes niki, i’ll go with you, i know how desperately you wanted to go with me,” you joked with a chuckle, putting sarcastic emphasis on ‘desperately’. you could see the shock in his eyes to your response which he quickly masked. 

in honesty you found it cute seeing his expression to your response, the way his eyed fluttered open in shock, and a pink shade rose to his cheeks. wait. niki? cute? you thought to yourself.

“yeah that’s cool or whatever. i can pick you up if you need a ride,” he said.

“sure i’ll text you my address later”

you turned to make your way into class with an undeniable smile on your face.

─── ♡

later that night you heard the doorbell of your house ring and you saw niki standing beside the car door of an old beat up van. you smiled to yourself as you yelled out to your parents you were leaving. 

you made your way out to the car, if you could even call it that considering how beat up it was. 

“im not taking the nice car for you, you get the beat up one,” he quickly stated, rolling his eyes as you approached the car, knowing damn well it’s the only car he had. you laughed at his snappiness and opened the door for yourself.

on the drive to the theater the two of you entertained small talk, learning more about each other. you learned about his love for dancing in his free time, and how he had a dog named bisco.

at the theater, he ordered two popcorns, and shoved the second one into your arms and when you offered to pay him back he simply responded “don’t think too much into it” and shrugged. you smiled at the gesture.

after the movie ended he offered to drive you back which you gladly accepted as you wouldn’t have to bother your parents. 

the ride back was mostly the same, except this time you saw him in a new light. the way he smiled contently to himself, fully focused on the road ahead. the way the wind from the open window blew softly against his hair. 

when you arrived at your house, he unlocked the door. and walked you to your doorstep.

“thank you for tonight, niki. i really appreciate it.”

“yeah, yeah it’s nothing. you can tell me i’m the best now,” he said smugly, joking around. you rolled your eyes like you always would.

“genuinely though, it was really nice of you,” you reemphasized thanking him again to which he nodded. 

the two of you looked up at the full moon that night, the light radiating strongly. the moon illuminating the stars surrounding it.

“it looks pretty doesn’t it,” you said in awe of the moon, it’s light captivating you.

“you look pretty too,” he said under his breath. you turned to him and he seemed shocked of what came out of his mouth too, to which he sharply inhaled

“what’d you say?” you asked just to make sure you heard him right.

“i said you look shitty,” he said with a flustered expression, as he started to jog off to his car in a panic. 

you saw as he started the engine of his beat up van up and waved to him as he pulled out of your driveway.

“goodnight niki!” you shouted to which he shooed you off through the window. you giggled at the motion and made your way inside your house.

─── ♡

you were talking with karina as you made to your way to your locker. you opened the lock easily and grabbed your physics notebook to find another note.

“thats what im saying, we should totally go sometime,” you karina said behind you continuing your conversation from earlier.

“yeah for sure, why don’t you start heading to chemistry, i’ll be a bit,” you replied while unfolding the note. she sighed and made her way towards your chemistry class.

you looked down at the note while closing your locker. 

turn around 

you whipped around to find niki standing there. craning over you with a smug look.

“oh we’re back to this already aren’t we,” you said in an annoyed tone, maybe he hadn’t actually changed.

“oh come on, you read the note you should know someone would be behind you,” he said equally annoyed. 

“wait that’s from you? wait..” you questioned. you slowly put the pieces together in your head. he stared at you with a dumbfounded look.

“yeah yeah i’m you’re secret admirer or whatever let’s get that out of the way. ____ i really like you, i’d like to go out with you again tonight,” he confessed holding a bouquet of flowers. 

you looked around in the halls as if to see anyone ready to laugh if this was a joke.

“or tomorrow. or literally whenever you’re free, i’ll take the closest date,” he continued rambling. 

you finally looked up at the boy, his eyes glistening with genuity and a sense of gentleness. 

“tonight works.”

he smiled finally hearing you speak and handed you the flowers. you giggled at the gesture and took them, holding them close.

“cheesy,” you commented while smelling the flowers.

“don’t think too much into it,” he retorted, slinging an arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him. you blushed at the gesture and looked up at the boy you could now call your boyfriend. 

it was weird seeing the boy you bickered with every day for years and saw as your rival now holding you by his side smiling with pride. you could get used to it though you thought as you put your head on his shoulder with a satisfied smile.

@ coqhee 2024 - all rights reserved.

[auckie]

Neil gaiman is such a fucking hack. All he does is ride off Terry pratchets coattails, gets. I really hate the word cuck but idk how else to describe the Amanda Palmer situation. Cucked by women and regurgitates that into flat one dimensional characters. Queer baits and panders to trashy online YA level drivel types. He’s the definition of the word fandom. If men like his garbage they’re always the kind of guy who has a beard and lets you know he has a beard. He probably owns a kilt despite not being remotely Scottish. Funko pop owner for sure, has a mini tardis and probably that dr who scarf. A pentagram tattoo, maybe some runes.

And like. Neil gaiman is a capable writer do not get me wrong. But his idea of creative writing is theorizing about how the afterlife is all bureaucracy bc that’s never been done by a bitter atheist. It’s always secularly Christian too isn’t it? I mean i guess that’s what he knows.

So im saying this knowing that he’s not solely responsible for it, really, and having read the comics and not enjoyed them at all but continued to have done so out of some weird sense of obligation, I’m very angry to admit that I’m enjoying the stupid Netflix production of dead boy detectives. It is absolutely a mishmash of other similar cw-type shows, but that’s just the thing. I eat that shit up. Riverdale, Sabrina, teen dramas with obnoxious editing and low brow production value. I even liked the second season of good omens despite like, hating a solid 40% of the secondary character and plot direction. It’s sorta like eating little Debbie cakes yknow? Or binging reality tv.

DBDA is better than all that, like it’s a crust above but it’s wrapped in the trappings of really shitty things, and whenever it manages to be a bit better it’ll sink a smidge lower by referencing its ilk or doing exactly what you’d expect of it.

Whenever I see the ‘two skinny whitish boys with obvious sexual tension and an annoying women in the middle’ I stop and ask myself— does this writer have a track record of making the same dynamic.

An obnoxious woman is not a bad thing. She can be a good thing even, but if she’s a mirror image of a million other toxic characters that indicates two things: projection, or a formula. Especially when paired between two male characters that clearly interact in ways that urge the audience to say ‘they should kiss!’

Then she becomes an obstacle. It’s rare for a character in this role to rise above the narrative, and even rarer for authors to try and write one capable of that.

A lot of fans will see people hating on her and cry ‘misogyny!’ Instead of asking why she was written, and why hundreds of other past iterations and future clones of her continue to be written. A similar character is the empty lesbian who stands in both popular media and fanfiction to prove that the author is not just obsessing over gay men and throws a bone to the supposed lesbian audience as well.

And then you have the flat poc or other LBT, sometimes disabled characters who serve to act as a tick mark off a checklist. It’s lazy, it’s annoying. But that’s a whole different can of vaguely related worms

[scaly-freaks]

inmate 13453

okay don't get excited, i just felt like writing a bit of a drabble to feel out the atmosphere of a potential start to this au (clicking the tag will give up the other stuff i've posted for it btw)

btw check out the playlist and the pinterest board made by @theageofsilver and @allicentsallure bc they're fab

cw: kidnapping

Soft seventeen.

Bambi eyes, bambi legs.

There’s a certain edge to the way people describe the age she’s at. Not quite eighteen, not quite legal, tangible as cherry juice on greedy fingers. She isn’t sixteen, sweet and tender. It’s a soft first step into adulthood, skirting the border, the in between, the unknowable horrors that lie ahead.

She fucking hates being seventeen.

It’s a shit number first of all. Odd numbers make her want to spew. They feel like nails on a chalkboard, polyester static on leg hair. She can’t even dance, so whatever ABBA are singing about doesn’t apply.

Amara sticks out her tongue and tastes the air as the breeze blows west. She swears she can get a sense of the world when she does.

Her stepfather mocks her for it. That blue-eyed, blonde maniac with the ugly Buick Electra he treats like a brand-name Italian from the southern coasts of Europe. He used to treat her mother the same. Until he began to tell Amara you look just like her when she was young. He leaves his porn tabs open on his computer, as if he wants her to know. ‘Teen’, ‘Latina’, ‘Stepfather’, ‘Rough’, ‘Face-fucking’, ‘Breeding.’

She doesn’t have a drop of Hispanic blood in her.

She really wants to tell her mother, but there is a chance her mother will look right through her instead. She’s been doing that a lot more nowadays. They can’t afford her meds anymore. She just sits on the porch and watches and waits. For what, is anyone's guess.

>> can you pick me up?

>> its dark

>> pls

>> sorry ik its inconvienant

'Step-Daddy' always replies quickly when it’s her. He has a heart next to her name on his phone. She never agreed to that.

>> it’s spelled inconvenient

“Suck my dick,” Amara tells the screen and switches her phone off before he can message again.

She can walk.

The route back runs dangerously close to the edge of the forest. All kinds rot away in there, but she doesn’t like to think of them by name. They’ll become real if she does. She wishes her mother had found a man who lived in the wetlands, and not here at the cursed border between life and the realm beyond. Marshes are easier to understand. Forests are cursed.

Still, life is horribly simple here. Her high school is placid and filled with the dull-eyed children of dull-eyed adults. The gas station where she works didn’t bother to interview her. She walked in and the guy behind the counter stared at her breasts until he remembered she had a face. Her breasts aced the interview for her.

Can I work here? Just until I graduate.

Sure, grab a nametag.

Four months later, and she doesn’t mind it anymore. Her brain shuts off. Her customers are a ragtag mixture of suspicious, ferret-eyed locals and the occasionally buoyant hiker from out of state. If she doesn’t look like she belongs, she’s pretty, and that usually gives people like her a pass. At least until the sleazy comments become ethnically charged. But even then, Amara has a way of making her eyes go ‘dopey’ and just smiling like she’s too slow to understand. Displaying discomfort is what eggs them on (kind of a nasty realisation she opened her eyes to one day).

An engine growls some way down the road.

Old Chevy pickup, faded gold.

She recognises it from the parking lot at the station near the end of her shift.

A guy stepped out, young, early twenties, with a shock of hair that looked white until she realised it was just really, really blonde. She remembers thinking it was odd. The range of blondes in town runs from deep and dirty to the artificial bleach rattled out of holographic boxes of dye. No one has hair like his. She’d have noticed.

His eyebrows were a little darker, and his lashes were darker still. He had a funny way of walking, and he looked at her like she had the head of a fish and the body of a human being. Amara did her best dopey eyes. She asked him if he’d had a good day, pointed out the offers they had on pork rinds. He didn’t say a word. His skin had smears of black grease, glistening with sweat and bronzed by the sun.

Deep blue eyes.

Horribly deep.

Not the kind you’d want to swim in. She likes a softer blue, blue like chlorine, reminiscent of the safety of swimming pools. His were anything but.

She picks up her speed, and for some reason, puts her phone to her ear as if mid-conversation. Nothing about him said he was dangerous at the time. At least not from the way he’d barely said a word or looked down at her body. He was just there, and then he was gone.

And now here he is again.

The Chevy hits the horn. He is creeping closer. Amara turns and waves at him to go on. She doesn’t want a ride. Why isn’t he rolling down the window to offer one though?

It slows to a crawl. Her throat closes up. She has a feeling speeding up will give him what he wants. He’s obviously trying to be a prick. But if she goes back to talk to him, that would be exponentially worse. She switches her phone back on and sees her stepfather’s message telling her to get back home herself after she didn’t reply to tell him her location.

She quickly shoots him a message, and prays he’ll respond.

He doesn’t.

Fuck it.

She walks faster. The Chevy matches the increase. Sweat blooms on the back of her neck.

Every woman has that oh fuck moment. That I’m going to be on the evening news moment. The please god if he catches me let him kill me before he gets to raping me moment.

None of that goes through her head. She keeps thinking of her mother’s cooking. Her mother hasn’t cooked in a year and a half, not since her mind began to slip. But Amara can taste the spices on her tongue, the way the rice was perfectly simmered, the cinnamon in the back of her throat, the smell that clung to the walls, the heat of it.

I wanna come home, Momma.

Her mother’s face gathers into shape in her head, built with sand particles and saltwater. When the Chevy roars, she starts running. Her mother vanishes.

The lights of the truck blink across the tarmac. It’s a signal. But it isn’t for her.

She looks over her shoulder, and she can’t see him.

Run me over. Leave me like carrion on the road. Let the maggots eat me. Don’t cut me up first.

He slows when she starts to tire out. Picks up when she tries again. No other car has graced this road since she first turned onto it. A sign points her to the right, ushering her deeper into the backwoods. The town is to the left.

He figures out where she’s going when she suddenly makes a dash for the bend in the road.

There’s no time to dodge the pickup when it goes for her this time. The wheels skid as he yanks it at an angle and blocks her way. The door flies open and misses her by an inch. His arm grabs for her. She dodges, animal fear and rust on her tongue. He still doesn’t say a word.

A heavy fist connects with the small of her back and she drops like a stone.

The pain is electric. Air turns her lungs into taut balloons, but she can’t make a sound. She twists around and the bruise forming over her spine grates. Adrenaline quickly numbs it as she lashes out with her arms and legs. Kicking, punching, scratching, biting. Her teeth hit home. A mouthful of tattooed flesh, car oil and sweat. Still no sound from him.

She never sees the fist coming, just like last time.

A blow to the head and lights out, nancy.

[anti-endo-haven]

Heyy! Just a rant, i guess?

So we have multiple alters who use number names right? Now we're not a ramcoa system, but some have trauma related to numbers, and some alters just simply like using them.

That being said a server we're on, which is great other wise, has a lot of people who say that using number names if youre not ramcoa is bad right? They have 'if you use number names as a none ramcoa system dni' so i dont yk? I just avoid those ppl.

BUT THEN someone brings a screenshot into the server of them telling someone else to not use number names since they didn't go through ramcoa and its like,,, why?? Like first you assume or push someone to say wether they've been through it, which is invasive imo, and then you bring drama to another server (without scratching out ANY USER NAMES for privacy)

And now we're scared that if any of us use number names in that server someone's gonna ask if we went through ramcoa, which obviously we'll say is none of they're fucking business but still

idk, anyway here's some flowers!!!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 <- for you

The Fate Seers

This is one of the reasons I don't like number names being kept from people. It's very invasive and it shouldn't be up to someone to ask those questions to "make sure someone is in the right for using the number as a name."

Even with the invasive questions, it should not be up to someone else to tell someone, a random stranger mind you, if they're in the right or not for using a name. No one is owed any part of your identity or anything about your history, regardless of what that entails.

Keeping in mind with what we've said before, if ONLY RAMCOA systems were using number names in servers, that's extremely dangerous. It should not be on a stranger telling you if you are or aren't allowed to use that number as a name. That puts RAMCOA systems in more danger with a larger target on their back.

And, yes, even thinking that it's okay can be detrimental, but I'm not one to police if someone can or can't interact in servers.

Think of it this way:

A Discord server is filled with systems as it's a system space and the rule of only RAMCOA systems using number names is there. Someone recognizes that number. What happens then? People can be more likely to be harmed. Let alone asking someone if they've went through ramcoa.

I also really want to say, I (personally) have never seen another RAMCOA/TBMC system say "Only RAMCOA systems can use number names" because the majority of them don't want to be easy targets. I've seen more people that have not undergone it say it.

Yes, the numbers have significant trauma related to them. But if someone can use a name and be respectful, they can be the same towards numbers. It should not be discourse and it pisses me off to a large degree that it is.

And it is no one else's business to feel so entitled to knowing someone's personal things. No one owes anyone a trauma history. No one should have to fucking prove something just to make a Discord server filled with strangers happy just to be able to live. It's why I hate Discord and so many servers

The people that think they're helping ramcoa systems aren't helping them at all. It isn't someone else's place to try and become a knight in shining armor to not realize that their armor is horse shit and is just making it worse.

[softness-and-shattering]

.

Vent post

Wow i didnt realise there was a tag limit

[ratmans-notebooks]

everyone listen to me right now. trans men & transmascs are targets of misogyny. crazy idea i know but when youre seen as a woman and/or shoved into the woman category people will be misogynistic to you. it is fuckign crazy the amount of posts ive been seeing syaing stuff like "trans men think theyre exempt from being mras cause the dr said they were a girl once" or "having a pussy doesnt mean you cant be sexist" and its like. YEAH OBVIOUSLY having a pussy doesnt mean you cant be sexist but jesus christ the presumption that trans men are unaffected by their asab or that theyve never ever experienced anything like misogyny is wilddd!! not to mention why are we still referring to transmascs by their (assumed) genitals. like its obviously vile to reduce transfems & trans women to their genitals but the same people who realize this seem to have no problem doing it to transmascs

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.

HOWEVER.

It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.

People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?

Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?

And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:

HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.

Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.

And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.

You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly that's not the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.

[swordsonnet]

sorry but saying that the accessibility needs of mentally disabled people are just preferences or about "comfort" is blatantly incorrect. if i can't enter a building because the bright lights and loud noises would send me into a meltdown, then i can't enter the building, and that's not less important than me not being able to enter a building because it's not wheelchair accessible. if you genuinely think that mentally disabled people aren't really struggling, and that it's okay to mock their very real concerns, then that just shows that you've been refusing to listen to their experiences. do better or shut the fuck up.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[miraclemioart]

[szappan]

university.. university leave me alone

[narwhalandchill]

its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head

like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.

but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .

like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .

except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???

yeah . thought so.

so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .

and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How

(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)

anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

[valgeristik]

She will not come,

She was torn apart by dogs,

Her hands were not ready for a fight,

And she did not desire to win

I will now be

Instead of her

------------------------------------------------------

Hi, meet Noel (she/he), whom i decided would fit perfectly for my dark urge bg3 playtrough 🤭

The way I see it... the him before the nautiloid is dead, and the him after the nautiloid will make sure it Stays That Way.

She is here now, she won, she was the one to claw her way to the surface of the body they share, and she will maim anyone who threatens her newfound existence.

Resisting the urges not out of fear, but out of Spite💁‍♀️

and as always..............this was drawn with a song in mind:

[carcarrot]

do i really want to make individual drinks again

[astranauticus]

Do mechanites cry?