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moonpool-system · 8 months

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Plurality in Slay the Princess: Part 1

[pt: Plurality in Slay the Princess: Part 1]

Imagine you're standing facing the unknown, and then a little internal voice begins narrating everything you see.

[The Narrator] "You're on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path, is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin, is a princess. You're here to slay her; if you don't, it will be the end of the world."

He seems pretty biased.

One of the best indie games to come out in 2023 was Slay the Princess, an indie horror/romance visual novel featuring your player character and the being he's meant to slay, known simply as The Princess. However, you're not alone, in more ways than one- both your player character and the Princess display clear aspects of plurality - aka, multiple identities residing within/utilizing a singular physical body. This can take many forms in real life, from disordered to non-disordered variants, and a good few of them are prominently recognized in this visceral narrative experience.

After the read-more will be some spoilers from the various choices you can make throughout the early game- so while this is part 1, there will be no endgame spoilers yet! It'll start off with Chapter 1 and go deeper from there. If you're intending on playing the game, we HIGHLY recommend you play only after reading Chapter 1 information, or only after this part 1 at most! It's best experienced blind as possible, and trigger warnings are present upon opening the game. This analysis took a while to write, so please consider reblogging if you enjoy!

...

Right from the beginning, the plural undertones of the story are clearly apparent. Once the Narrator stops speaking, you as the one controlling the body are able to communicate by asking various questions directly to the Narrator to press upon, enthuse over, or counter his point. The Narrator is speaking to you mentally, but is not you.

If you continue on the path to the cabin, you're presented with someone else speaking to you internally, titled as "The Voice of the Hero". The Narrator quickly responds with "Ignore him. He doesn't know what he's talking about." This situation tells us a lot of interesting things! First off, the Hero defers to the pronoun "we" - as he's clearly responding to the Narrator's direction, the other individual in this situation must be the controller of the body. The Narrator reinforces this concept by talking directly to you, telling you to ignore the Hero. So right off the bat, there are three people in this body- the Host, whom is being controlled by the player, the Narrator, and the Voice of the Hero. They stay with you throughout (most of) the entire game, so even without much happening, the main character is very blatantly plural. The only thing we can tell about them so far is that they're a polyconscious system, wherein each member displays their own individual consciousnesses rather than sharing one, and can all perceive the world using separate streams of thought.

Let's say you head to the cabin, speak to the Princess, and don't even bother taking the pristine blade meant to slay her, as you're intent on saving her. You speak to her with options using "quotation marks" to indicate vocal speech rather than how you've been thinking to the other members of your system, and you free her from her bindings. Just as you're walking up the stairs, the Narrator decides to try and impose his decision instead, and save the world by using the arm of the body to raise the blade to her. Being in control of the body as a plural/system is called fronting, and oftentimes in intense circumstances, one member can "take" the front from another. This is what we see in the desperate Narrator, and the fact that the Hero expresses his frustration at the Narrator's actions at the same time indicates once again that the members of this system are polyconscious.

You resist the Narrator and warn the Princess, and she also notices and addresses the sudden shift in motivation. She then takes the blade, and uses it haplessly against you in self defense. Such is this end of Chapter 1; everything goes dark, and you die.

!!! CHAPTER 2+ SPOILERS BEGIN HERE !!!

[pt: !!! Chapter 2+ spoilers begin here !!!]

Chapter 2 is titled "The Damsel". When everything loads, you're back where you were before- the Narrator doesn't seem to remember you or what happened, but you and the Hero clearly do.

Not only that, but another character has joined the mix since your supposed death- The Voice of the Smitten loudly proclaims his love for the Princess and hatred for the Narrator. Plus, he says something unique- he mentioned "the four of us" foiling the Narrator's "assassination attempts". This four includes the Princess, the Smitten, the Hero, and the Host/player, establishing how everyone here perceives the others as separate entities. Plus, now that naming consistency with the others established, the Narrator, not labeled as a "voice", starts to stand out as something... Different, from the rest of you all.

But it's not just you that's changed; everything within the cabin looks different, and it's not only that.

The Princess has metamorphosized; the Damsel wears a new dress and crown, has a much more gentle and delicate disposition, and her voice sounds significantly higher pitched and kinder. Not only that, but her bone structure is physically thinner, as is addressed later in the route. She has inarguably become different in not only personality but appearance too. Additionally, while she recognizes you and your earlier confrontation, she uses the pronoun "I" to refer to both herself as the Damsel and herself as the Princess before. This is indicative of monoconscious systems, where members share an individual consciousness/train of thought and switching involves the feeling of one member "becoming" another in a smooth transition, and median systems, where members often feel like facets of an overarching identity rather than completely separate entities. We see more evidence to medianhood after the two of you escape, and the Damsel seems to be taken away by... Something. You find yourself presented with the Entity holding her gingerly.

"Something finds me in the Long Quiet and brings me the gift of a fragile vessel."

She cradles her and describes the vessels as "nerves and fibers to feel the worlds beyond. Perspectives to make my own", and the Damsel as "soft and delicate. You molded her to love you, and she'll make for a gentle heart." She words it as if they are the same, and yet different at the same time. You ask if she is the Princess, and she says this;

upon pressuring, she states that you're speaking in circles. "Does it matter where one thing begins and another ends?" This once again supports the fluid concept of median plurality. She is different, and yet she is the same. It's hard to tell the lines between one and the other, even though they both still distinctly exist. She asks you to "bring [her] more perspectives so [she] may be whole", wishing for the facets of herself to be returned to her via completing different routes of the game. Interestingly enough, it seems the Entity displays polyconsciousness during these segments, unlike the in-loop Princesses. In another route she mentions the Princess having a will pushing against her own, and at the end of your conversation she mentions one last thing;

You're flung back to the beginning, with only the Hero and the Narrator at your side, and not a single memory ingame of what happened. You can't re-access old routes, so you have to choose to do something different the next time, to bring different parts of herself home to her.

There are many different routes you can end up on, and the Princess will change in many different ways depending on your decisions. Let's go over some interesting notes on how the two's plurality presents over the course of the time loops.

- The Princess seems to be completely monoconscious when within the loops, sometimes acknowledging herself as different but never referring to her other facets as a separate perspective ("I/me", never "she" like the Entity refers to her vessels.) This rule is only broken by the Stranger route whom, where due to the world literally fracturing, had multiple perspectives shoved into a single one, and she refers to herselves as "we".

- The origin of new facets of the Princess seems to correlate directly with the reset of the world they're in, and we never see her looping forms change otherwise, meaning we can likely assume this to be their origin. While time loops aren't recorded to have happened in this universe, we can safely attribute some sort of metagenic origin to the Princess's median facets. The only other time we see her "change" other than after a reset is her disposition & voice upon the first time meeting her, depending on whether or not we take the pristine blade. This displays that the player character's actions directly affect the Princess's facets as well, however delving into that would get into endgame spoilers, so it'll be touched on in part 2.

- Due to the lack of evident amnesia, distress, or disorder expressed to be caused by her plurality (aside from the Stranger) it's safe to assume the Princess falls under the category of systems/plurals without a dissociative disorder such as DID, P-DID, OSDD1, and UDD.

- On the flipside, the Player's system shows quite a lot of distress and disorder, from the Broken and the Smitten attempting to kill the body to the Cold eager to harm it, as well as many different system members with specific jobs meant to help counteract or ease the negative circumstances of the previous loop. Additionally, during the Moment of Clarity chapter, the Host explicitly experiences amnesia of traumatic memories the other members remember everyone experiencing, displaying dissociative amnesia. It's likely this system falls under the category of plurals with a dissociative disorder such as DID, P-DID, OSDD1, and UDD.

- Many speculate the members of the Player character's system to be your past lives or iterations of you after your death, since for the most part, a new one appears every time the body dies. This would be known as a fenigenic/phoenigenic origin. However, there are a couple instances where this theory falls apart- for example, in the No Way Out route, the Player, Hero, Narrator, and Cheated are joined by both the Voice of the Contrarian and the Voice of the Broken at the same time; right after, the Hero states that this is your third time, meaning if the past life theory is true, there should be only two new members, not three. (The line between alive and dead gets fuzzy later in the route, but this one is cut and dry.) Instead, I propose the Player's system to be an adaptive system, ending up with new members whenever they must adapt their mindset drastically to the situation. The new members often tend to be a reflection of the body's actions during the last loop, which supports this concept as well.

- Routes such as No Way Out and The Adversary complicate these assessments. In No Way Out, every time you die you try something different, which results in a new system member every time. In The Adversary, you fight over and over again with the same determination, and The Stubborn remains as the only new member from the beginning the entire time. However, in both of these routes, the Princess stops changing form at all. Evidence once again shows itself that the Player Character's perception not only affects what the Princess will be, but what the results of his own changes will be as well.

- Another differentiation between you, the "voices", and the Narrator, aside from his lack of memory between loops and insistence that he's not the same person as other versions of him, is how they both treat and experience the Mirror. The Narrator is notably distinct in that he cannot see it during regular gameplay, and that once the world is replaced with it at the end of a route, he's no longer existent to perceive it. The ones labeled "voices" are able to see it and fear it instinctively- while they're different from the Narrator, even they disappear when you look in the mirror and speak to the Entity. Hypothetically, this could mean that you are to the Voices' perspectives as the Entity is to the Princess's. The Entity mentions that nothing but you and her come to the space where you speak.

- Upon meeting the Entity after the third time you bring her a vessel, she greets you with this line; "I am a growing chorus of contradiction. A mass of tides ebbing and flowing all at once in more directions than my attention can bear to hold. To look at any one is to shift them all into something new, and to look away is to reshape them yet again. All of me is changing, and yet the rest is still the same." This is an interesting perspective into her relationship with the vessels and how her overarching identity is affected by her medianhood.

- A case that deserves special mentioning is the route of the Spectre, after killing the Princess without hesitation in chapter 1 and then proceeding to kill yourself after. In Chapter 2, you're then presented with the option to let the Spectre possess you temporarily, giving her not only access to your body, but to your mind. For a brief while, she can hear and interact with all the others currently present with you- at the time, the Narrator, the Voice of the Hero, and the Voice of the Cold. Once she's within you, the Narrator can't even get out a full sentence before she comments, "So this is what it's like to be you, huh? Disembodied voice narrating your every move?" She addresses the Voices differently than the Narrator; "All these shards of broken glass on the floor... Are they also supposed to be you?" The Hero takes initial offense at this, saying that "I'm me, is what I am." The conversation continues to the Hero questioning the Narrator's existence, to which he responds, "You don't need to know what I am. You just need to know that I'm different than you. More important."

To this, the Princess answers, "So you're the one that pulled the strings and made me dead. I can tell you don't belong here. You're barely even there. Like the shape of something left behind. You're more of a... Memory, than a person." And then, "You're kind of like me, actually." What does she mean by that? Is he like a ghost? Something else? It'll be addressed in part 2, but clearly he's different from the rest.

- One of the most affirming dialogue options you can have with the Entity is after the fourth time you bring a Vessel to her, where you both speak about how your systems operate. You can ask her, "When you send me back, I'm not alone. There are voices that speak to me. Some of them are me, but one of them is something else. I call him The Narrator, and he wants me to kill you. Do you have a Narrator? Have the Vessels had one?" This is yet another hint that the Narrator is fundamentally different than the rest of the Player's system, making it clear that together they make up a mixed origin system. In response to your question, the Entity responds with this:

From this we get a few things. For one, the Princesses are referred to in the plural sense ("their minds"), enforcing the separation between them. However, she goes on to describe them existing and constantly metamorphosising into something new, basically confirming the concept of monoconsciousness within the Princesses themselves.

....

From all this, we've drawn a lot of conclusions about the plurality of the Player character and the Princess/Entity from Slay the Princess! Such depth of plural experiences is extremely rare in any media, and this one exemplifies it very well, balancing both personhood and parts-based conceptualizations in its depiction. In part 2 we'll go over how the endgame and its philosophy applies to these concepts, as well as the revelations about the characters involved. It's wonderful to have such vibrant and unique plural representation in a video game; thank you for reading this disambiguation!

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loseremzo · 3 months

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Ats completely ruined Spike as a serious character. Because as someone who loves Spike, and loved him in ats, I believe he was purely brought in to please fans and get them (btvs lovers who never watched or cared for ats) to watch ats. In the process completely destroying any amount of character he had. They got rid of the depths and multitudes in Spikes character and use him as a motivator and obstacle for Angel. Rarely do we ever see his vulnerability or his overall thoughts or feelings on things that happen to him in btvs+ats. And by rarely I mean only when he was with Fred, which ended when he became corporeal because I swear they never really had scenes together after that.

In btvs one could break down Spike’s character into two parts (simply. he is a character of layers), fighter and lover. Demon and Man, Vampire and Poet, Fighter and Lover. And in season seven he is trying to learn where the line is because before the soul there was no line. The fighter part of him and the lover part of him overlapped and hence the unhealthy love he has for Buffy. In the beginning of season seven we see that the line is now drawn but instead of towing that line he stands straight on the lover side and this is addressed by Buffy in S7E15 Get It Done, when he doesn’t fight the demon for Anya and Buffy tells him to stop being a pussy bitch and get his shit together. He has stopped relishing the fight, ignoring the fighter/demon in him because of the past chaos and bloodshed. Then he finds his coat (another thing taken away in ats) risks his mental wellbeing by going to the school basement where he went insane due to The First, a powerful being that still has some control over him with the trigger and he had just gotten out of the grasps of. He starts relying on the fighter side of him because that’s what Buffy wanted, until S7E20 Touched where he comforts her, explains his love for her, and holds her. Then in the next episode when they confront each other about it he tells her to forget it. That it was a malfunction, trying to reassure her that the fighter is still there, that he can still fight by her side. He found the line and walks along it, choosing which moments to let out the fighter or the lover. And that is gone in ats. Watching season seven of btvs compared to season five of ats, that characters are different in the sense that Spike has been dumbed down to the stereotypical sarcastic comedic relief whom annoys the main character and causes problems.

I loved that he was brought back (probably because when he died I’m pretty sure I like snapped, and almost collapsed in my kitchen and shit. so biased) But they should have kept the noncoporeal storyline but after that let him go be with Buffy. Which obviously would have never happened because Whedon was a dick and hated Spike and women, and wanted Angel to still have some hope with Buffy and keep fans on the edge with the love triangle.

#spuffy #btvs #buffy summers #buffy the vampire slayer #angel the series #buffyverse #btvs discourse #spike btvs

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ellievickstar · 1 year

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Final Choice

A/N: So, I saw your guys making up ideas for this part…I must say. Some were happy, some just wanted Azriel to suffer…which one did I go with? Well…read to find out :) Also the beginning of this fic is in Rhys’s POV since Azzy and our dearest Y/N are kind unconscious

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Self-hate. Mostly written in Rhys's POV I thought it would be funny to see his monologue of things. confessions. Heartache.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

This was…unexpected. Not that it wasn’t out of character for Azriel or Y/N to end up sabotaging themselves instead of talking through their issues like normal adult faeries or witches. I shook my head as Nesta helped to break the shield around Y/N. Thankfully, for that spell to work, the witch casting it had to be able to stay awake the whole time, if not, the safety measure — that had been weaved into the ritual by Y/N’s mother — would kick in and stop all magic completely.

Both were alive and I breathed out a sigh of exasperation. Couldn’t they have waited until the morning to do something so extreme? I was pretty sure I was still hungover from drinking with Cassian and Azriel to distract one from worrying over the fact his mate hadn’t come home. He could feel her alive and well across the bond, but I suspected she needed space, so we made sure we drank him into literal oblivion.

If only I had known this was what she was doing….

I shook my head. No, this wasn’t my fault. Feyre had already been telling me to stop blaming myself for everything that happened to our friends, but hell, if I had let Azriel go after her then maybe they’d work through their feelings, if I had ordered him away from Elain when I first suspected that he was starting to hurt Y/N, maybe things would be different.

I heard my mate come up behind me, she glanced at the pair, shaking her head disappointed. it reminded me of my mother when she caught me trying to sneak out for a flight around Moonstone palace. Wrapping a wing around Feyre, I pulled her closer to me, making sure to drape an arm around her waist.

“Nyx is asleep again, he had quite a fright from all the screaming, but he’s alright now,” She murmured. I hummed as I watched Madja — her eyes looked as if she was going to kill both witch and Illyrian once they awoke — with the help of Nesta and Cassian, drag both unconscious bodies to separate rooms.

“Azriel is…a dumbass,” Amren said from beside us, Varian nodding from beside her. I had no clue where the latter had come from, but it was anyone’s guess what the two had been up to when the events earlier transpired. Feyre agreed with Amren, but I had a small inkling that she was being biased towards the witch she considered a sister. Smiling to myself, I let go of Feyre if only to pick up the worn out leather book that had been beside the symbol-spell-ritual, whatever the witches called it.

Flipping through the pages, I noted that there was no name on the book, but I was sure that this was a diary. There were personal accounts of someone’s life, while a few pages here and there were sketches of spells or instructions on witch magic. That’s when I came across a familiar name. This entry said:

‘Y/N is only five now. But, I can sense the war is coming…soon. I don’t know if I will survive. My Magic is growing weaker, Y/N is feeding off of it, but who could blame her? Especially…when she’s more powerful then any other witch in history. I don’t quite remember what her father was…but his name. I will never forget his name. My love. I miss my lover.

So this was her mother’s diary. Interesting indeed. I hummed carefully as I closed the book, all the information I needed was inside. All I needed to do now was get a hold of that sand that was used in Y/N’s rituals. “Feyre darling, how would you like to speak to the dead?”

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N’s POV

“Why do you love him, Y/N?” You closed your eyes as the question rang through you. “In all of my lonely nights, when I was a ghost inside, he was there for me. Whenever I drank too much, whenever my eyes cried floods, he would be there for me, he’d listen. He made my demons go away, he would clear the darkness, he was there for me. He was there when I lost faith, he was there through every heartbreak. And I’d do the same for him,” You admitted.

Your ancestor smiled at you. “My dearest child, you can’t see it can you?” “See what? I love him. I love him I love him I love him. But I don’t understand if he loves me? When I look at him and her I can’t help but wonder ‘what about us’? what about all the times we spent together? What about all the times he said he would have the answer for me? What about all the moments we shared, what about all the disastrous pranks, plating footsie under the table, laughing together under the night sky during Starfall? What about love? What about trust, what about us?” Tears began to fill your eyes. You didn’t understand anymore. You were so sure that breaking the mating bond was the answer, but when you did you felt it, that love for you, but you also felt that love he had for her. Her.

You couldn’t put it into words. How you felt that roar of love for you, but there was that spark, there was something that kept him from loving your completely. And you didn’t understand. What happened to promises of forever, what happened to ‘whatever end’? What happened to the both of you. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him, wanted to let this pain, this confusion out. You couldn’t help but feel so alone. What happened to the times you stuck around with him even when everyone blamed him for something went wrong. What happened to the times you would listen to him for hours as he croie down because of nightmares? What happened to the times you’d soothe him, even if it was the latest hours?

Your heart was breaking and there was nothing you could do about it. You had no way of knowing whether he truly loved you. How could you believe anything he said? After all the times you had to watch as he fell over himself because of Morrigan. After all the times he practically ogled at the youngest Archeron. Would there ever be a day you would find piece within your relationship? Your heart was bleeding and no amount of stitches or bandaids could stop it. You bit the back of you closed fist as you sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore…please,”

“I will always be here for you, you may summon me whenever you wish, not just in your dreams, child. But even if there are times you can’t bring yourself to call me, just look to the moon. It will shine the same wherever you are, and I’ll be here as you search for the light,” She bent to your height as she gently took your hands. Her fingers lightly brushed against your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what he decides, in the end, you are still the most powerful queen of witches there has ever been,” You nodded, but something in you wanted to know more. But before you could ask anything, she had already disappeared, leaving you alone in the endless darkness of your own mind.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

Getting ahold of the sand as a fae, was hard. We visited six different merchants all selling witch’s tools before finally we met a merchant that could sell us the sand. Feyre had gasped when she hear the price, but to me it felt like I had barely scratched the surface of my account, Feyre called me entitled when I said that to her. (A/N: we love rich Rhys)

Okay…so the book says to pour the sand on the ground in this shape. Feyre held out a hand and I was confused at first before she rolled her eyes and said, “You’ll get it wrong, plus, I paint, so I have steadier hands then you,” I wanted to scoff but she was right. She was better suited doing this. Especially with those hands that were basically built for painting and good artwork.

After the...spell? Ritual? Magic Shape? - I'll have to ask Y/N - was complete, I opened the diary and chanted the words that was written. Light magic seemed to burst from the sand was it began to glow. Feyre squinted her eyes against te bright light while poor me had to keep on reading the book.

And as the light finally began to dull down I looked up, and smiled.

"Your majesty," I purred as I bowed to the hooded figure before me. Feyre looked confused at first, but as the woman lifted her head and smiled down at us, she froze and curtsied.

"No need for that High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, though, I did wonder when you would finally call. It seems my daughter has gotten into a bit of trouble, hasn't she?" I nodded, rising to face her. She was as elegant as I remember, clad in white as flowers were weaved through her thick curls. Unlike Y/N's near-straight brown hair, hers was dark and black as a crow's feathers. She held her head high with an air of grace as her crown signalled to all who she truly was, the hood she had previously cloaked herself with melting away.

The late Queen of Witches. Y/N's mother.

"Well to be quite clear, your daughter is an absolute joy and she will make a wonderful king. But unfortunately, we do have a few questions, concerning the spell that breaks the mating bond," She nodded, wanting me to continue. "I can sense it...I can still smell the connection between them and even as they shut me out of their minds their souls still seemed to be intertwined. So if that spell didn't break the bond, what exactly did it do?"

She hummed, considering my question carefully, thinking silently to herself before nodding as if agreeing to something. "I cannot tell you much, High Lord, but what I can tell you, is that what is that both of them are the key to what holds them back. Not one, but both," I wanted to ask her more. Beg her for answers if it meant saving my two friends, but without a word she had vanished, the spell had given out. I had no skill of my own to be able to maintain the line of communication between us and the afterlife, I couldn't redo the spell. I didn't know how to save my friends from themselves.

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N POV

Blinking away the darkness you were greeted to a warm sight, with shadows creeping across the ceiling, and a shadow singer sitting close to your bed, his arms crossed, fury was clear as day, stricken across his face.

"Why would you do that?" you sat up, trying to understand his question. All you remembered was the pain...the ritual...the mating bond! You reached out to that tether you used to feel and as I realised it was still there my heart sank. "I- I didn't think you truly wanted me as a mate," You blurted out as you silently arose from your bed.

"What must I do to make you understand? I want to be with you!" He tried to approach you, but you raised a hand and he stopped. "Why? Because of this- this cauldron forsaken mating bond? Because you feel some nobility some honour saying that you chose to be with your mate!? You didn't even want to be with me. Even before, you were going to leave me, now the only difference is that your soul is bound to me and even then everything you do is just-" He let go of an exasperated breath as he listened to you rattle on.

"What can I do? I told you I love you but it seems everything I do is some scheme or because I feel pity for you. Have I hurt you so much that you cannot bring yourself to believe that every single thing I do is insincere," He paused, breathing heavily as he stepped towards you. "I don't know what else to say, what to do. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish I could take everything back. But don't walk away from me. Hit me, tear me apart, give me new scares to carry the shame for the rest of my life. Break my heart, break it a thousand times over, it was only yours to break anyways. But stay with me. Please," You didn't know what to do, and as his hands finally reached you, red hot magic seemed to burn between you as you gasped and he hissed, pulling away.

What in the name of the mother? You blinked as the red print of magic from his had seemed to fade away slowly from my skin. That was...how. Looking back at Azriel you tried to recall what you had read about the ritual. When it failed it would create a shield between both mates so that the ritual would not be tried again. The only way to break this spell was...you shook your head and sobbed into the back of your fist as you made a terrible realisation.

"The book- 'This wall shall only be destroyed if both souls accept their own and each others truest emotions for each other. Only then will they come together.'" Tears streamed down your face, you had been so stupid. So, so stupid. And now it was hurting Azriel. You felt so stupid, and angry.

You tried to sit back down, but you completely missed the bed and tumbled to the floor, Azriel unable to do anything as he stared at his own hands, shock still written in his features.

This was bad.

"I see you both have finally awoken. And now we know what the little spell did," Rhysand spoke up. You whipped your head to the door and there he stood. Feyre smiling as she waved to you, happy that you hadn't killed yourself on accident yet. "The spell shouldn't exist. I have accepted that Azriel will never love me, and he has accepted that I will always love him, even if it tears me apart inside, even if it has nearly killed me...several times," You said. Azriel shook his head as he buried his face in his hands, and Rhys seemed to frown.

The High Lord and High Lady said nothing in response, only opting to pat Azriel on the back as they left. You didn't understand. You had to be right. There was no way that Azriel loved you, right?

No. These hopeful thoughts would only harm you. You mustn't think too much of what ifs. That's when Azriel finally spoke. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my time here making up for everything I did. I can't excuse how I've hurt you, but I will try to fix this. I will court you how I should have, love you until you can see, and I will wait for you, everyday," Gazing up into his brown eyes, ones that were usually piercing and intimidating now soft and sincere. You smiled as a small piece of you heart began to believe that maybe, this could be real, allowing you to make, this final choice.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I decided to stop torturing you guys. I love all of you <3333 my bestest babes. I will be doing bonuses if anyone has any requests, but this marks the end of the choice series. I know this is abit rushed but it's been dragged on for so long and I didn't want the series to be long either. Also because I think you guys kinda deserve a happy ending. I love you <33

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64 @goldenmagnolias @tobifeemo @readerworld22 @cyrygher @shisingh @txzii @antisentimentalus @t0uch-starved-h0e

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T if you want to be tagged please specify in the replies <3)

#Azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acotar fandom #acosf #a court of silver flames #azriel shadowsinger #a court of mist and fury #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x reader #rhysand #azriel fluff #azriel x you #azriel imagine #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #feyre acotar

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michanvalentine · 6 months

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Things about Vincent Valentine that I read around and piss me off. Vol.2

"Vincent was too shy and passive. He is an idiot."

Usually in reference to his attitude towards Lucrecia after the breakup. As if he could somehow save his relationship with her (and thus prevent everything else). I say yes, perhaps he could have sought further clarification, but for me the situation has never been so simple and linear.

Ok, let's start from the beginning. First of all, Vincent is a sensitive and intelligent person, with an above-average education. A person who thinks a lot, even too much. So calling him an idiot, especially in such a context, is really having a superficial reading of the character. Honestly, this statement bothers me a lot even when it is extended to the other part: Lucrecia. But that's another story... Secondly, let's remember that the two had a real relationship. In DoC Vincent was never a sort of stalker fixated on Lucrecia despite the unrequited love, as he might have appeared in the OG (unless the remake wants to tell yet another story.) Even Hojo was aware of their love story, in fact when Lucrecia pronounces the fateful "Yes, doctor" he says: "So you've come to your senses and chosen me." And I don't think Hojo was exactly the type to care about gossip.

That said, I would add my interpretation on Vincent's "passivity". A while ago I read a comment, something like: Lucrecia went with Hojo to gauge how much Vincent cared about her, since she thought he hated her due to the Grimoire's death. So she was waiting for Vincent to react and take her away from Hojo, but Vincent was just too shy and passive to do something so outrageous. I couldn't help but respond to this comment like this: This would be a really sick way of demanding attention. In this case Lucrecia would be truly mentally ill and Vincent would simply be a sane person who behaves properly. I believe there are several biases in this regard. First and foremost, the old-fashioned concept of Prince Charming rescuing the damsel in distress. Which I hate. Secondly I don't think Lucrecia left Vincent because she thought he despised her for the Grimoire incident. Otherwise she wouldn't have needed to push him away, because in that case Vincent himself would have been the one to leave her. No, the reasons are different:

Feelings of guilt led her to think she couldn't be by his side. As if Vincent didn't deserve someone as bad as her in his life.

Every time she looked at Vincent, given the extreme similarity, she saw Grimoire again and remembered the event that had traumatized her.

Obviously Lucrecia didn't put Vincent to the test, she was determined to put as much distance as possible between her and Vincent because she felt it was right for him and too painful for her to continue. Stop. The relationship with Hojo is an addition, but also desired for other reasons. She neither expected nor wanted to be saved. Not to mention that Vincent is not Lucrecia's father and had neither the responsibility nor the duty to do so. She is an adult. Certainly, by breaking off their relationship, Lucrecia has also made a decision for Vincent. He didn't object, he passively accepted and stepped aside. But are we sure he could have done otherwise? Are we sure he could change Lucrecia's mind? How exactly? Young Vincent was naive and introverted, but Vincent's passivity in this case was also determined by other factors. Maybe he could have made his feelings about Grimoire's death and about Lucrecia more clear. But at the same time I think it wasn't necessary, because they were obvious. It's Lucrecia who no longer knows what her true feelings are. And she will only be able to clarify them for herself later, in fact at the end of DoC she will confess to Vincent: "I finally realized my true feelings. Even if you may never understand them".

But let's analyze the facts and see how they unfolded. Given the above, at first Lucrecia was so focused on herself due to guilt that she was numb to everything else. Even to Vincent. In DoC, when Vincent discovers the file on Grimoire, Lucrecia yells at him to "stop it". She doesn't want to listen and at the same time she doesn't give him a chance to express himself. Likewise, after apologizing to him, she ran away without giving him a chance to reply. And let's remember that out of the blue he was left by the love of his life for no valid reason, at least from his point of view. Not to mention that Grimoire's death must have been painful for him too. Reacting is not easy when you are confused, grieving and heartbroken. From that moment on, Vincent Valentine was completely cut out of Lucrecia's life. Lucrecia keeps him at a distance, due to points 1 and 2 above, and as a final barrier she puts Hojo in the middle (of course, the scientist is there too for other reasons). In the scene around the table, when Vincent asks her "if she's sure", Hojo really seems like a wall between the two that still prevents direct confrontation. And Lucrecia appears clearly angry that he has come forward with objections. At the Shinra Mansion Vincent Valentine seems to have no say in anything. Lucrecia doesn't give him the chance to argue, Hojo first rudely silences him because he's just a Turk and then definitively closes his mouth with a bullet. But even if silenced, Vincent's feelings and intentions remain evident. Even Hojo knew them, in fact when he discovers that Lucrecia is experimenting on Vincent's body he says: "How happy this fellow must be. Helping his beloved even after he's begun rotting away." Lucrecia herself, through her data, at a certain point in DoC will say: "I pushed you away, but… now I realize, I never wanted to lose you." And again later: "I made so many mistakes. And I hurt you so, so much. Why did I do what I did?" Deep down Lucrecia knew she had pushed him away for her own personal reasons, and not because he despised her or anything. She knew she had made a mistake, of having been blinded by fear and guilt, that she had mortified his feelings and that she had made him suffer for it, especially because the breakup had been practically forced on him. So I repeat: should he continue to chase Lucrecia, proclaiming his love like a crazy in the hope of changing her mind? Let's pretend he had the opportunity (always excluding kidnappings or ambushes). He could have to, yes, but in addition to reiterating the obvious and saying things already known even to the person concerned (after all, if there is something imperishable, capable of overcoming pain, time and even death, it is the love that Vincent Valentine feels for Lucrecia), she probably wouldn't have listened to him anyway. Because, as Vincent would say, "she was always like that, only believing what she wanted to."

#vincent valentine #ff7 #ff7 rebirth #ffvii #ffvii rebirth #final fantasy rebirth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 #lucrecia crescent #final fantasy 7 rebirth

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bestworstcase · 1 month

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Your thoughts about Salem possibly intentionally ascending to be what is essentially a Grimm Faunus makes me think:

I wonder if Salem chose to ascend to become a Grimm because she believed Grimm were endless beings that could endure her current nightmare better than anything else. Instead, the end result of that ascension was finding out that the Grimm weren't just eternal manifestations of evil like she and many others were led to believe by the God of Light, but rather independent living creatures with their own unique morality system who could live and die like anything else. I'd imagine such a revelation would only further sour her on the God of Light, because she'd basically realize that the Grimm were just another victim of the God of Light's existential crisis.

oh i don’t think she On Purpose set out to turn herself into a grimm. for one thing, the lost fable is an unreliable narrative in a really specific way: jinn answer’s ruby’s question exactly, this is information ozpin knows or believes to be true and actively chose to hide from the kids. none of it is new information to oz—so how does he know what salem did during the parts when he wasn’t there?

salem told him.

thus, any factual incorrectness during these parts of the story must be the result of either:

salem outright lying to him, or

ozma misinterpreting what she said, or

ozma making baseless assumptions to fill in the gaps of what was (given how long ago it all was and how long she was alone) quite likely an incoherent story.

now generally speaking i believe that salem hesitated for some time before telling him of her involvement in the rebellion but otherwise told ozma the truth, because the text supports this (she “blamed the end of the world on the gods,” rightly), because she has no reason to lie about what the gods did, and because the thematic narrative requires that the lost fable be a biased account of real events, not a complete fabrication.

anyway, the point is:

If the fountain of life granted her immortality, then surely, the pools of Grimm will finally take it away… She was wrong. This force of pure destruction could not destroy a being of infinite life, so it created a being of infinite life with a desire for pure destruction.

jinn ascribes a specific motivation to salem’s choice to drown herself in the pool of grimm, and states that salem’s reasoning proved to be wrong. this passage, like the rest of the lost fable, articulates what ozpin believes—but i think this is his misinterpretation of something salem told him when she recounted this part of her story.

she says, “the fountain gave me infinite life. i thought the pool of grimm would take it from me.” he hears, “i was trying to kill myself.”

but what i think she meant was, “i thought the death in the pool and the life in my soul would mix together. maybe it would kill me, i didn’t know or care, but isn’t that how the brothers made us? darkness brought you back to life, and he called that creation, and i wasn’t thinking clearly because i was going insane from isolation but i thought that maybe if i sacrificed myself i could bring everyone back.”

she says, “i didn’t expect to become this, but of course one can’t destroy creation, so it changed me.” and he hears “i was mistaken, and now i’m cursed.”

because the thing is, as i’ve noted before, if you take away from an infinite quantity, an infinite quantity remains – because ‘infinite’ does not mean incomprehensibly big number, it means numberless, countless, boundless. so was salem suicidal, or was she doing math?

what happens if you take some life from infinite life? where does what is taken go?

she returned to the place where, millions of years ago, she’d seen the fearsome god of destruction claim the powers of creation as his own after bringing a dead man back to life. and then she poured INFINITE LIFE into the dark well of that god’s power which still, she’d seen, continued to birth living creatures long after the gods had gone.

what was she trying to do?

just die?

…or claim the powers of her creators in order to bring the world back to life?

the results being her own transformation plus animal people is probably not what she expected to happen, exactly, but – certainly it is an improvement over her previous circumstances and so i doubt she had any complaints, until humans proliferated and began to persecute the faunus.

the question of whether salem, in the grimm pool, did or didn’t experience ascension in the literal sense – as in, meeting the blacksmith and being given the choice to “choose for yourself one who could leave your burdens behind, or choose one who’ll be enough to bear them” – is a secondary but also interesting question.

i’m inclined to think that she did, and that’s interesting, because if true that implies salem had the chance to escape her curse – shed her old identity, leave all her memories behind, and be reborn new – and actively chose not to take it. and that’s so compelling because – why? what inspired her to refuse? to keep going? think about everything salem’s said about hope, that even the smallest spark can ignite change, breathe fire into the hearts of the weary, that hope is mankind’s greatest strength; think about how that hits if—

—these are the same picture.

and then there’s ‘the shallow sea’:

“They didn’t do anything to us,” the people on the shore called. “The water hasn’t changed us. It has washed away the lies to reveal what we’ve always been, just under the surface. Our old forms were just a shallow disguise. This is who we are.” A few dozen more people on the boat were convinced. They dropped into the ocean, and though they transformed more slowly, by the time they stepped out of the water, they, too, had become their true selves and were welcomed onto the island.

like, think about what it says about salem for this to be how she sees herself, how she conceives of her transformation – that in becoming grimm she became more herself. true, we haven’t yet gotten hard confirmation that ‘the shallow sea’ is an allegorical account of salem’s metamorphosis, but the writing is on the wall. lol.

she’s the same person as before but she isn’t human, doesn’t feel human anymore, doesn’t want to be human. certainly there is a degree of trauma and isolation and dehumanization at work here, but at the heart of it – and this is why, i think, she chose to return as herself, if she found the blacksmith in the grimm pool – is this idea that her human-self was a ‘lie.’

the brothers made humans and made certain promises to humankind – light especially presented himself as a benevolent adjudicator who invited people to come before him, pray to him, worship him. they made salem. she believed in them. trusted them.

and in the end, they destroyed the whole world to spite her. the last thing either of them said to her was to blame her for the massacre they committed (light) and mock her for “still demanding things of [her] creators” (dark) – so why would she ever consider herself human again? why would she do them the courtesy of calling herself their creation?

cause here’s the thing – notionally, they made humankind to settle their differences. to make peace with each other. humans were the symbol and seal of the brothers’ harmonious coexistence, and salem proved the lie, and then she went ‘fuck you both’ and created herself: a person, a grimm, the living breathing combination of the waters of life and death, light and darkness, that the brothers refused to intermingle. she proved them wrong.

salem is not the one who sowed division between them.

they separated creation from destruction and enforced that dividing line with horrific violence. salem is the one who, left behind in the ruin of their world, brought the sundered halves of destruction-and-creation back together to create herself, and in doing so created a new world.

she isn’t the flawed human who disrupted the delicate balance and ruined the world forever. she’s not the divider. salem is the balance. the unity of opposites. the very embodiment of what mankind was meant for!

and they hated her for it! the god of light intends to wipe out remnant from existence to punish her because she saw through his lies about how the world was meant to be and revealed the truth he’s afraid of.

and yeah grasping that the grimm are not ontologically evil is a part of that (and i have no doubt also factors in her hatred of the huntsman academies because she knows humans and grimm can coexist with each other – evernight itself is proof of that.) but i think it’s less significant than the union she achieved, exposing the lie that creation and destruction are not one and the same.

#shakes her.#i hope she gets another soliloquy in v10

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laurellerual · 9 months

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Arya and Sansa storyswap: an exercise in imagination

Premise: I tried to speculate what might happen if Sansa manages to escape King's Landing and Arya gets stuck in the capital. I collected my thoughts on this scenario trying to make logical, credible choices that respected the characterization of the characters and the timeline of the books (the wiki was very usefull for this). I discarded all the scenarios that end in "…and then she dies horribly" because they're boring. I write with assumption that they would still remain POV characters and therefore mantain a minimum of plot armor. Like everyone, I have my biases so it's not perfect, but I tried to put myself in the most neutral mindset possible. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts. Part 2, Part 3

Part 1/3: Sansa

A Game of Thrones

I believe Sansa's story would remain mostly the same until the end of Sansa III (AGOT). The only thing I feel like adding is an exchange with Arya. During breakfast Sansa notices Arya's bruises and her sister tells her about the secret passage with dragon skulls that she found, and how she got out of the Red Keep. Sansa clearly doesn't believe her and she thinks it's just Arya being weird.

At the end of Sansa III they receive the news that they will be leaving King's Landing soon, and she runs away crying and barricades herself in her room. In Sansa IV she is locked in Maegor's Holdfast and we find out that she went to Cersei to tell her about Ned's plan to leave. There's a narrative hole between these two chapters that can be exploited to make little changes. What happened that night after Sansa locked herself in her room? It has to be something that makes her change her mind about going to the queen or at least something that stops her from doing so. Personally I choose septa Mordane, you could expand her character and make her a little more similar to how she is in the show where she is shown genuinely loyal to House Stark.

The septa is present when Sansa escapes to her room so it's not unrealistic that she would decide to follow her. Sansa has been behaving "almost as wicked as Arya" lately so Mordane decides to follow her to lecture her or console her. Maybe she reaches her before she can barricade the door and make her see reason. Or perhaps seeing the girl so out of it she goes to Lord Eddard to talk, and she persuades him to talk again to his daughter and help her to calm down. Here you could write a scene parallel to the one in which Ned talks to Arya about Needle.

Sansa is not happy with her father's plans, and she begs him to go to the queen, to discuss this further and find another solution, to make her stay. To reassure her, Ned tells her that he already intends to go to Cersei (as he will do in Eddard XII), but he does not reveal the real reason why he wants to talk to her.

However he fears that the girl might take the initiative and do it herself. To be safe he assigns her a guard and ask him and the septa to prevent his daughter from interacting with Cersei before the departure. (I would like the guard to be Alyn but at this point he has already left for the Riverlands).

Cersei has less informations and when the moment of Ned's arrest arrives, Sansa is with her protectors that have already been warned to keep the Lannisters away from her. When the Lannister men arrive for her, the Stark guard slows them down and septa Mordane drags her away. First the two try to look for Ned, but they soon realize that the Tower of the Hand is under attack. The septa drags Sansa into the servants' quarters (into the kitchens? in the pantry?) idk.

The Septa shoves her in a dark niche, under a cupboard, throws a tablecloth over her and tells her to stay hidden. Mordane tries to think of a plan, but the Lannister men burst in. They recognize her as one of the Stark servants but when she does not provide useful information on the Stark girls they kill her. Sansa remains there all night, lying in the dust. She tries not to make any noise, she is terrified, and from her hiding place she can see the septa's corpse lying on the ground.

The first light of dawn comes in through a little window. Sansa tries to gather courage, she has to leave before the servants start working. The idea disgusts her, but she sees only one way to go unnoticed: she undresses Mordane, covers the silk dress with the septa's habit and hides the face with her veil. Then she wraps the woman in the tablecloth, as if it were a shroud and hides her in that same niche. She tries not to attract attention and find a way out. Sansa doesn't fully understand what happened, she would like to go to the queen or her father, but she is too afraid of the Lannister men after seeing them kill Mordane.

She hasn't eaten in a whole day so before leaving the kitchens she steals some food, like she did with Jeyne. The thought saddens her, who knows where her friend is? She hasn't seen her since she had breakfast with her and Arya. 'Arya...' Sansa remembers the secret passage her sister told her about and decides to try to reach it. With a little luck she makes it, no one pays attention to an anonymous septa. Thanks to the tunnel she manages to reach Flea Bottom.

Here she lives for a few days, trying to listen conversations to find out something about her father. Obv Sansa doesn't try to kill pigeons, she has to stoop to pilfering some food, and even eat trash. She mostly frequents the surroundings of the The Great Sept of Baelor and prays. She sings religious hymns and people take her for a begging septa and throw her some crumbs. One day the sept square fills with people, they are here for the execution of the traitor Eddard Stark. Sansa tries to climb up to not be crushed by the crowd. She sees her beloved Joffrey give the order! She screams, but her voice is drowned out by the noise.

The show is over, the people disperse again. She looks around desperately searching for something, she hopes for a friendly face. it is then that she recognizes a man dressed in black: it's Yoren. Sansa had seen him a few days earlier in the throne room, while he was asking father for men to recruit in the Night's Watch (in Sansa III). He's going away, but Sansa follows him. Now it's clear to her that King's Landing is no longer a safe place and this may be her only chance to return in the North, to home, to safety.

Yoren realizes he's being followed and try to scare her away. Sansa lifts her veil to show herself, she reveals her identity, She begs him to take her out of the city with him, she try to appeal to the ancient friendship between the Starks and the Night's Watch. Yoren looks at her face and recognizes a certain resemblance to Catelyn Stark. He chooses to believe her, so he cuts her hair, dresses her up as a boy and throws her in with the other recruits.

A Clash of Kings

I find it very funny that Sansa's boy name could be Sandor. Anyway, she tries to act nice and compliant to not put herself at risk, but mostly gets people to walk all over her. The younger recruits bully her because she “looks like a female (derogatory)” and she's an easy target. On the other hand, she doesn't have a sword to steal so Hot Pie and Lommy don't try to rob her, they just think she's a loser. Sansa keeps to herself, she doesn't go near Jaqen's cage, she doesn't catch a rabbit to share with Gendry, she doesn't manage to establish a particular relationship with anyone in the group. The commonfolk sucks, Yoren is kind I guess but he stinks. It will take a long time before she can start thinking about social injustice, for now she's just shocked by their miserable living conditions.

The Golden cloaks come looking for Gendry, but Sansa stays hidden because she thinks they are looking for her. Why would the queen want that rude guy? For a moment she thinks that he vaguely resemble Lord Renly… but no, that's nonsense. And even if it was, he's still a bastard. Yoren tells them that if the golden cloaks return they must escape.

One night the group go to sleep, but soon they are attacked by Amory Lorch. Sansa doesn't want to fight, she tries to hide, but in the chaos she ends up showing a soldier down from the tower, killing a man for the first time. She does everything she can to reach the trapdoor and escape. There's no way she'll go back to free Jaqen, but she decides to grab Weasel in the escape.

The small group of survivors, led by Gendry, arrive near an abandoned village. The Bull decides to explore it and takes Hot Pie with him. Sansa doesn't know it, but Gendry wants to abandon her and the others because he thinks they are just slowing them down. He has decided to propose the escape to Hot Pie because he is the second "less useless" choice after Arya. As per canon, Gendry and Hot Pie are captured by the Mountain's men (and probably die in Harrenhal).

Now here is an important change. Arya was captured and taken to Harrenhal because she returned to the village and try to save Gendry, but I don't think Sansa would do the same so she would not be captured at this point in the story. When Sansa and Weasel hear the sound of men in armor approaching, they run away to hide and leaves Lommy there to his fate.

The two girls now find themselves in the forest alone and without supplies in a land of burned villages, they're severely malnourished. Sansa would definitely think about trying to reach Riverrun, but she has no way of orienting herself. If we want to give her any hope of survival I'd say the only solution is for the two of them to be lucky enough to walk in the right direction. In this way the two get closer to the territory frequented by the Brotherhood without Banners and with a bit of luck the outlaws finds them before they die of starvation.

A Storm of Swords

The Brotherhood takes the orphans with them and feeds them. Weasel is probably left at the first inn/orphanage (where she will live a long and happy life), while Sansa meets Harwin, she is recognized and taken hostage. She learns that Winterfell has been conquered by Theon and that Bran and Rickon are dead.

She stark using women's clothes again because she prefers them. And also because every day she manages to hide the fact that she is a girl less and less. She has no intention of cutting her hair a second time, and now that she started eating regularly again she got her first period too. Coarse as they are, it is a relief to be surrounded by people who recognize her as a noble lady. Lady Ravella is a breath of fresh air and Tom is an acceptable singer. She enjoys Edric Dayne's company and thinks he's cute, but she doesn't understand why he wants to talk about Jon Snow.

Sansa is taken to Lord Beric who promises to reunite her with her mother. The sight of the undead man repulses her, but his behavior is chivalrous enough. She certainly doesn't try to escape, she just hopes that he respects his oath.

One day a prisoner with a familiar and unmistakable face is brought to the Hollow Hill: it's the Hound.

#sansa stark #arya stark #asoiaf #asoiaf fanfiction #<sort of #more a summary than a story

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kcwriter-blog · 8 months

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Another Take on Solas' Conversation About the Dalish and Other Things

I know I’m preaching to the choir, but I’ve been seeing enough negative takes on Solavellan and Solasmancers in general on my dash that I feel the need to vent a little. I realize that most negative takes boil down to “I hate this ship and there is something very wrong with you if you like it” and I mostly ignore them but this time I have a few thoughts to share under the cut.

As far as I can tell, the dislike starts with the conversation between Solas and the Inquisitor about the Dalish. Apparently, this comes off as condescending? I’m pretty sure the people that use that word don’t know what it means. The way Vivienne speaks to the Inquisitor is condescending. Solas is just angry and bitter.

If he were being condescending, the conversation would be more along the lines of “My dear, I understand that having grown up among the Dalish, you are going to be a bit biased, but really you can’t possibly believe that the Dalish know everything there is to know about their history.” Condescension is being simultaneously polite and catty. It’s The Game.

Back to the conversation. Solas tells Lavellan on the way to the Temple of Ashes that his dealings with the Dalish did not go well. He tried to tell them about their history, they didn’t like what he had to say because it contradicted their beliefs, and they tossed him out on his “flat” ears. He also says that the Dalish did not believe he was one of them.

He’s understandably bitter but not entirely for the reasons we think. Yes, part of it is about ego, but mostly it’s about how closed-minded the Dalish are. Solas hates closed mindedness. He values curiosity and he is willing to debate ideas. He went to the Dalish because as the self-proclaimed keepers of elvish lore and the people searching to reclaim their lost history, he thought they would not only listen but be excited to learn more. They weren’t.

When Lavellan asks about his views on elven culture, he lashes out. Not because he thinks she’s stupid but because he expects her to be as closed-minded as the Dalish he has already met.

Lavellan for her part can react in several different ways. People that don’t like the romance assume that the top option where she calls him ha’ren is her agreeing with him. It isn’t.

I used to work in human resources back in the dinosaur age. My job was to listen to employee complaints and keep them from suing the company. I was taught how to make an employee think I was on their side without actually agreeing with them. That’s what I think the top response is. She needs his expertise. She needs him to be on her side. Antagonizing him doesn’t help her so she decides to diffuse the situation.

She addresses him respectfully. Then she says, “If the Dalish have done you a disservice.” She isn’t saying, “Yeah dude they were jerks.” She is saying If (a conditional) which roughly translates to “I wasn’t there. I don’t know what happened, but you seem pretty upset.” She isn’t agreeing just acknowledging his feelings.

She continues with “I would make that right.” She knows he’s upset because they didn’t listen to him. It costs her nothing to say, “I’m willing to listen and keep an open mind.” That’s all she is saying. She doesn’t say she is going to believe him. She is not going to go out among the Dalish and preach the gospel of Solas. She’s just willing to listen.

She then turns it back on him. She asks a question. “What course would you set for them?” Again, she’s not agreeing with him. She’s simply asking him to stop bitching and figure out how the Dalish could do what he is suggesting.

The end result is that Solas apologizes, recognizes that there isn’t a way for the Dalish to do what he wants them to do and settles down. Is he still salty? Sure. He also recognizes he shouldn’t take that out on Lavellan.

Most of Solas’ conversations with Lavellan run along the same lines. He tells her about the pre-Veil world, she says “It sounds like it would be wonderful.” Again, not agreeing that it was, just that the way he describes it sounds wonderful. There are a lot of other examples.

Basically, Lavellan is smart and canny. She can meet Solas as an equal on his own ground. She is willing to admit he knows stuff she doesn’t and to take his advice if it seems sound. She doesn’t have to, and yeah, he can be salty about that, but the only reason we don’t know if your other advisors disapprove of you disagreeing with them is that their approval system is hidden.

You can disagree with him and still gain enough approval to trigger the romance etc. All you have to do is ask questions, keep an open mind, help other people and be merciful when you sit in judgement. It’s not that hard.

I’ve heard it said that he treats her like a child who doesn’t know anything. Hello? Is there another Fade expert in the house? Does your Lavellan know everything there is to know about The Fade, spirits and demons? No. No more than she knows about spying, the nobility or directing an army. No one thinks what Cullen tells the Inquisitor is condescending or treating her like she is a child or an idiot. Also Solas does know a lot of things she doesn‘t because he was there. He is sharing that info. He won’t share it if you don’t ask him questions about it.

Another charge. Solas is cold. He is certainly aloof but in his post-Fade kiss conversation with Lavellan he is almost playful. He is concerned about where it might lead but he is almost happy. He admits he isn’t usually thrown by things that happen in dreams, but he is “reasonably certain we are awake, now and he would enjoy talking.” That’s not someone cold and aloof. That is someone reaching out.

Another charge. Solas makes Lavellan chase him. Nope. As attracted as Solas is to Lavellan he would much rather she focus her attentions elsewhere. That’s why he asks for time to think. He’s hoping she will wander off and flirt with someone else. Lavellan drives the relationship. He gives in against his better judgement. It isn’t a game to him.

Another comment is that you have to work hard and break down a lot of barriers to romance him. Um, yes? He is constantly saying he has trust issues. If Lavellan wants to pursue a relationship knowing that, then she only has herself to blame for the outcome.

I’ll just end by saying I was in a truly toxic, emotionally abusive relationship. Not the kind of relationship where you get a drink with friends and say “Yeah he was totally toxic.” The kind of relationship where you need professional therapy to deal with it. If anyone is going to be triggered by that romance it would be me. I’m not. I know what it is like to be condescended to, to have someone constantly say or imply that you are incompetent and worthless. Solas doesn’t do those things. He is impressed by her, he admires her, he thinks she is competent enough to go to when he needs help. He tells her that. Trust me, an emotional abuser does none of those things.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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coldinternetllama · 10 months

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My take on the epilogue of LN 5

Spoilers until the prologue of LN 6!

So I have been thinking about the choking scene at the end of volume 5 of TAD, as it has been bothering me a lot, since it seemed too OOC for Jinshi, at least in my opinion. I mean, sure, he does have some borderline toxic tendencies, but that was a bit too much, even for him. I have tried to think of an explanation that would fit him, but all of my theories didn't quite fit in with the story and the characters. That is, until another user pointed out how frustrating it is that Maomao sees herself as completely expendable and is even convinced that Jinshi would kill her, if he saw fit. We (and Jinshi) are aware of that ever since the time she requested to be killed with poison. Generally, this is part of her apathy towards her own life, as she always goes with the flow and tries not to stand out too much. A core part of her character, and yet one that frustrates Jinshi more than anything.

To explain what I mean, it has always appeared to me that Jinshi wants Maomao to make her own choices and, basically, take charge of her life. For example, after the incident with Fengming, he let Maomao go, because he thought that was what she wanted, and he wanted to respect her wish. The same goes for the time he refused to let Lakan visit her, as his name made her visibly upset. Jinshi does obviously care for what she wants.

On the other hand, her passiveness upsets him. The fact that she sees so little value in her life and assumes he does as well angered him a lot during her request to be executed with poison. Her lack of any (!) reaction to his advances later in the novels also upsets him in the same way. So I have been thinking, what if the choking was him trying to see how much he has to push her for her to retaliate, to try and fight for her own life, which she sees as so expendable. A reminder, but Jinshi also said he didn't want her to poison herself for her experiments. Maybe he was hoping that she would push him away and finally understand that she indeed has a choice regarding how her life and her relationship with him goes. Of course, Maomao being Maomao interprets this as some sort of punishment. And maybe she is right, we never get to see much about Jinshi's thought process during this particular scene. Obviously, it was wrong, and I am not excusing him, however he himself obviously does not know how to express himself or his emotions correctly, and thus his actions gain a possessive, even scary twist. And this is also how I would classify the choking: a twisted attempt to push her to actively participate in their relationship. To me, it definitely sounds more likely than a petty "punishment" out of jealousy. At least that is what makes sense to me and what I want to believe for the sake of him being one of my favourite characters (yeah, I might be biased).

To reiterate, he was probably trying to show her what could happen if she continued letting people decide for her. If we think about it, even her dance with Rikuson was not something she actively wanted to participate in. Maomao's passive behaviour might be alright for a commoner servant (and she loves to see herself as just that), however at this point of the story she is seen by everyone else as part of noble society and feigning ignorance the way she does it is extremely dangerous for a noble. Granted, Jinshi should have tried telling her with words and not violence, but she is also notorious for not listening to people, especially when she doesn't like the topic, so I can see why he might have thought this was the only way.

Anyways, thanks for reading, if you made it that far, and do let me know if all that makes sense to you.

#the apothecary diaries #jinshi #maomao #kusuriya no hitorigoto #I might be delusional

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marineduo · 1 year

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Cobymeppo / Kobymeppo Fic Recs!

Here's a list of Koby / Helmeppo fics that I personally recommend, for @klausbens and anyone else just getting into Kobymeppo from the Live Action! Putting them under a read more because this is going to be a long. Fics will be linked in the fic titles! They are ordered in oldest to newest.

General Recs

This Modest Paradise - Eloarei

Coby and Helmeppo run into Morgan while shopping.

This one is my all-time favorite Cobymeppo fic. It was one of the first I found and it's one I still think about and revisit often

Grow - Eloarei

Helmeppo is able to take care of himself, but when his father returns home with a promotion, he finds he suddenly doesn't have to anymore, and that's the weirdest part about moving to the Marine base in Shells town. Without any responsibilities, he becomes bored, and any of the positive attitude his mother might have left him with goes straight out the window.

This is a really sweet fic about Helmeppo's initial time in the Marines. Not as overtly Cobymeppo, but the last little bit always gets me right in the feels.

The Way of Monsters - Eloarei

Coby was used to monsters. After years under Alvida he thought he understood them. But escaping out into the world shows him that there's a lot he doesn't know. What makes a monster? And what redeems one?

This one's very fun. It has werewolves, and is a bit of a Beauty and the Beast kind of tale. Highly Recommend.

Building Desks For Dummies - thecayenneknight

Koby and Helmeppo must face their greatest mission yet: assembling a single piece of furniture.

Short and sweet and super cute.

Dance With Me - RedPen1992

Soon after the conclusion of the Paramount War, the Marines have to face their next greatest challenge, The Marine Gala.

This one's more focused on Akainu/Kizaru, but the Coby/Helmeppo stuff in there is really good. Overall a great read.

Anniversary - altokiwi

Ready to go party, Hina demands they tell her all about last year's Halloween Night, first. Holding Helmeppo's hand tight, Coby tells the story about the scariest —but also the happiest— night of his life.

This is a really good one. I may be biased since it was an exchange gift for me, but it's a wonderful blend of silly and a little spooky <3

To Come Back - merricat

Coby and Helmeppo's close-knit circle of Marines is holding a celebration at none other than Shells Town, which forces Helmeppo to confront demons past and present.

I'm also biased towards this one (another exchange gift), but man it's so good. Lots of Helmeppo looking back on things, and them just being so sweet with each other.

Daydreams - hamstercheese7

Coby just cannot concentrate on paperwork. And who could blame him, with a view like that?

This one's so silly sweet I love it. Has both Coby/Drake and Coby/Helmeppo.

Coby/Helmeppo Oneshots - ShadowoftheLightningPack

Ok this one's a doozy at 109 chapters but there are a lot of good ones in there. If nothing else I think it's really worth at least browsing to see if anything catches your attention! (That being said, read chapter 93 it's fun)

Against Change (You Can Wander Through the Ruins) - owlboxes

“I don’t want to pry,” Coby murmurs, quiet so as not to startle Helmeppo, who already looks seconds away from crumbling. “But…I want you to know I also want to listen, if you want someone to talk to.” “I have to get my hair cut in the morning,” Helmeppo says, his voice trembling, as he tugs at the strands that have grown longer, almost to his chin now. “…but what if I don’t want to?”

I'm a sucker for Cobymeppo Fics that center around Helmeppo's hair and this checks all the boxes.

My Fic Recs

(These are all ones I wrote myself that I think are worth a read)

Over the Edge

When Helmeppo ends up letting go in a precarious situation, Coby is forced to consider life without his other half, if only for a little while.

Diaries of Coby-Meppo

I particularly recommend Scissors.

Bloodsoaked

When things go south on a solo mission, Helmeppo takes things to the extreme.

Masquerade

Coby and Helmeppo attend the year's big masquerade ball at Mariejois and the night goes far better than Coby had ever expected.

A Haunted Base

“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” Helmeppo looked down from his perch on a ceiling beam, watching as Tashigi came in with a huff and slammed a box down on the operating table he’d stolen from the base earlier. “Because Smoker had better things to do, and nobody gets out of Vice Admiral Dahlia’s plans?”

Day on the Edge

Coby enjoys a peaceful morning with his partner, but something leaves him feeling uneasy.

SPICY Fic Recs

Saved and Earned - Tonko

Integrity is a hard road, but Helmeppo is trying.

I don't even know what to say about this fic. You know that pic of the stick figure on all fours shaking something violently in its mouth? That's how crazy this fic makes me.

Guilty Pleasures - me

When Coby witnesses the carnage his friend and partner is capable of, in the moment he's not sure how he'll get past it. But the jokes on him, because he's into that shit.

I wrote this to be similar to Bloodsoaked, but more spicy.

Searching for the Words - 2Farky2Furious

“Helmeppo.” He shook himself from his thoughts. “Huh?” “It’s just me. You know you can tell me anything, right?” “I—” Helmeppo met the soft, familiar warmth of Coby’s gaze and blurted into the scant space between them. “I want to kiss you again.”

A little angsty at first, which makes the semi-public sex even better.

Helping Hands - leghair

What had started as a rare bartering chip back when they themselves were new recruits and every drill had left them quaking like newborn deer had shifted into a standard IOU or repaid-favour, and from there, eventually, had simply become… habit. After their midnight training sessions left them fatigued, they would crawl back to their barracks, where Helmeppo would scratch Coby’s back and Coby scratched his - quite literally. That’s just how they got through it. It had been a while, though, come to think of it. Their schedules had grown to be quite different since Coby’s promotion. He still got the occasional remedial massage from medical, but it just wasn’t quite the same as someone who knew his body as well as Meppo did.

Very good fic, but also I think of the tag 'formal apology to the one (1) cobymeppo shipper with an appetite for toes reading this with dismay' at least once a week.

Coby/Helmeppo Smut Oneshots - ShadowoftheLightingPack

If you don't read any of the others (though you should), at least read chapter 8. It's very good.

#helmeppo #coby #op koby #cobymeppo #kobymeppo #lmk if any of the links don't work #also some are locked so you might have to sign in to see them

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jackoshadows · 10 months

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No doubt Tyrion Lannister is a morally grey character, especially with regards to his treatment of women. Nevertheless, when I come across some posts, it hits me how so much of the hate/critique directed towards the character is because of ableism, just like in the books.

Brienne of Tarth maybe at the top of a morally good scale, but even she is susceptible to bigoted propaganda like every other character in the world of Westeros. It's up to us as impartial and enlightened readers to parse through her thoughts and opinions and agree or disagree with her instead of just accepting that she is right because she is good.

Lady Catelyn had said that Sansa was a gentle soul who loved lemon cakes, silken gowns, and songs of chivalry, yet the girl had seen her father's head lopped off and been forced to marry one of his killers afterward. If half the tales were true, the dwarf was the cruelest Lannister of all. If she did poison King Joffrey, the Imp surely forced her hand. She was alone and friendless at that court. In King's Landing, Brienne had hunted down a certain Brella, who had been one of Sansa's maids. The woman told her that there was little warmth between Sansa and the dwarf. Perhaps she had been fleeing him as well as Joffrey's murder. - Brienne, AFfC

IMO, Brienne is wrong because on a scale of Lannister cruelty (Tywin, Cersei, Jaime, Joffrey) Tyrion has in actuality been the least cruel Lannister of them all - especially towards the Stark kids, including bastard Jon and disabled Bran. And yet a consistent theme in the books is that Tyrion gets the most hate from the people because of his disability.

Even Brienne's last point of Sansa specifically fleeing from Tyrion stands out because we see from Sansa's own POV in the vale that she considers Tyrion an option to escape to if he had been alive.

The man Brienne loves and defends - Jaime Lannister - has tried to murder one Stark child, attempted to maim and cut off the hand of another Stark child and forced himself on Cersei. If Jaime had been in KL instead of being taken prisoner, he would have continued being Cersei's henchman and supported his sister and their son while they abused Sansa as opposed to Tyrion stepping in and putting an end to the beatings. Jaime has been verbally abusive and cruel to Brienne herself.

Hell, even when they are parting, Jaime tells Brienne to not save the poor child being send off to marry Ramsay Bolton.

"With a sword at my throat, but never mind. Lady Catelyn's dead. I could not give her back her daughters even if I had them. And the girl my father sent with Steelshanks was not Arya Stark." "Not Arya Stark?" "You heard me. My lord father found some skinny northern girl more or less the same age with more or less the same coloring. He dressed her up in white and grey, gave her a silver wolf to pin her cloak, and sent her off to wed Bolton's bastard." He lifted his stump to point at her. "I wanted to tell you that before you went galloping off to rescue her and got yourself killed for no good purpose. You're not half bad with a sword, but you're not good enough to take on two hundred men by yourself." - Jaime, ASoS

Despite all this, while Brienne thinks positively of Jaime because he's beautiful and saved her, Tyrion is the worst of all the Lannisters because everyone says so. Brienne feels pity for poor Sansa being forced to marry the imp but what of the poor girl the Lannisters - Jaime included - are sending off to marry Ramsay Bolton. We all know what poor Jeyne Poole has been through.

Not defending Tyrion's marriage to Sansa here because that was wrong. However, the fact that Brienne thinks Tyrion was even crueler than Cersei and Joffrey towards Sansa and that it was Tyrion who forced poor, gentle Sansa to murder Joffrey should tell us that even Brienne is not without her biases and unquestioningly accepts Westerosi bigotry.

Let's take the character of Jon Snow. One could argue that he is a character closer to Brienne on a morality scale, as one of the good guys. However, the fun aspect here is that if one puts Brienne of Tarth and Jon Snow together they would end up disagreeing on Catelyn Stark and Tyrion Lannister.

This is not a point to argue which character is good or bad except that characters form relationships based on their personal interactions and experiences rather than whether characters are good or bad and this is why GRRM argues all his characters are morally grey.

The Old Bear shrugged. "A boy king … I imagine he'll listen to his mother. A pity the dwarf isn't with them. He's the lad's uncle, and he saw our need when he visited us. It was a bad thing, your lady mother taking him captive—" "Lady Stark is not my mother," Jon reminded him sharply. Tyrion Lannister had been a friend to him. If Lord Eddard was killed, she would be as much to blame as the queen. " - Jon VII, AGoT

Here is Jon defending Tyrion and assigning equal blame to Catelyn and Cersei if any harm befell Ned Stark. Keep in mind that even after knowing Sansa and Tyrion are married, Jon does not show an iota of the concern Brienne shows for Sansa. Instead his thoughts are for Tyrion, finding it hard to imagine the man he shook hands with and called friend as a kinslayer.

"It is not my intent to choose any side," said Jon, "but I am not as certain of the outcome of this war as you seem to be, my lord. Not with Lord Tywin dead." If the tales coming up the kingsroad could be believed, the King's Hand had been murdered by his dwarf son whilst sitting on a privy. Jon had known Tyrion Lannister, briefly. He took my hand and named me friend. It was hard to believe the little man had it in him to murder his own sire, but the fact of Lord Tywin's demise seemed to be beyond doubt. "The lion in King's Landing is a cub, and the Iron Throne has been known to cut grown men to ribbons." - Jon, ADwD

Jon's personal experiences define his opinions just as Brienne's personal experiences define hers. Brienne's admiration for Lady Catelyn means that she agrees with all of Cat's opinions and has sympathy for Catelyn's daughter. In fact if Catelyn had talked of Jon Snow, Brienne would think of Jon as a treacherous bastard out to steal the Stark birthright like Catelyn warned Robb that Jon or Jon's children would do.

Remember when the Blackfish casts aspersions on Jon Snow's character because his sister has told him that the bastard was not to be trusted? We would see Brienne think the same way because she has never met Jon Snow and would trust in Catelyn's opinions of him.

Would we then unquestionably accept Brienne's opinions of Jon Snow because she's a good person? I doubt it. Brienne's opinions of Tyrion as the cruelest Lannister - when Cersei and Jaime are right there - should similarly not be taken at face value and instead attributed to the bigotry that has surrounded Tyrion for as long as he has lived.

#Tyrion Lannister #Brienne of Tarth #Jon Snow

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cxhleel108 · 6 months

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LITG S8 Thots for this week: Very bad day for loyal girlies…

(Making this while still slightly baked from getting high last night so just know you’re getting ruthless Cahleel today😍)

• So ngl first impressions of the boys…Oakley outsold them all. Call me biased I really dgaf.

• Not even 10 seconds in and Luna already babbling about Jin omg just kill me now.

• Oh bitch I’m officially making it canon that him and my S6 MC fucked around at one point like what? Fusebox stop copying our shit!!!

• Max is Jin 2.0 I literally have nothing else to say about him.

• Kyle not serving to me sorry. I know all y’all going crazy over him and like his body is tea but girl he’s just…no😭😭😭 Also he has a scorpion tattoo which means the Scorpio of the season has been recognized and I care about my MC so I am NOT putting her through that pain.

• And here I thought Oakley was going to end up being the “Gary” of this season…

• Kyle fancies me the most…great! Now leave me alone after I reject you the first time!

• Luna’s going after Jin’s replacement- I MEAN Max! How surprising…

• God I hate you already.

• I can’t stand when they do this. Last time I checked none of these names belong to a 6’3, Ghanaian firefighter with a fat ass and a slutty waist so as far as I’m concerned my eyes are firmly CLOSED.

• Outfit time!

• The other look was boring sorry but I LOOOOVE this one.

• Luna being mad about Jin part 2 omg PLEASE KILLLLLLL MEEEE.

• Ugh yasss we can sleep by ourselves. Y’all will not trap me!

• Bea telling me about this other chick that Oakley went on a date with like I care, ok.

• But you was just mad cuz Jin winked at somebody…girl go to HELLLLLL.

• Outfit time!

• Come on Arabian Nights tease!

• Kyle and Liam been fucking on the low omg?

• Time to suffer through meaningless chats.

• I’m making my girl sound like the most boring person ever trying to ignore these dudes help😭😭😭

• Oh that’s not…

• Luna you are literally only interested in Shawn because you know he’s the only one I’ve given the time of day…does it not hurt being this much of a loser?????

• Outfit time!

• Cute…that’s about it tho.

• Kyle saying he did a tattoo for a celebrity and then the said celebrity being Gabi of all people like wow nobody moved.

• WHERE IS THE FIGHT OPTION??? WHERE IS IT??? LET ME HIT HER!!!

• Liam had us form a whole dance circle around him just for him to start seizing ok.

• Shawn you’re sooooo cute but I really don’t want you baby just stop trying❤️

• This whole conversation with Bea chile I can’t. Oakley went on a date with another girl…ok and??? He called her a head turner…did he say she was turning HIS head??? They connected…OVER FUCKING BAKING. Oakley literally said he was in love with us and was planning on making us his girlfriend it literally makes no sense whatsoever. Fusebox y’all are getting too predictable bruh like obviously y'all are not gonna make our OG LI cheat on us so what is the point of the gossip other than to get US to cheat on THEM?

• And this shit oh brotherrrrr😭 I can’t wait for next week when we find out that Luna was screaming because Shawn gave her a great foot rub like fuck out my face with that. Also even if they are fucking I DO NOT CAREEEEE! I DO NOT WANT HIM!!!!

#guys they’re losing me #bring our men back #litg #love island the game #litg tempting fate #litg s8 #litg season 8

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luxurystark-jackson · 3 months

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marauders era characters as kpop stans

idk i randomly thought of this making it up as we go along

james:

stray kids and ateez stan (CLOSETED TWICE STAN FIGHT ME)

his favourite song is hoodie season because it’s cute and it reminds him of regulus

as a Rich Friend™️ he buys concert tickets

jeongin biased because he reminds him of regulus (me, a delusional jegulus shipper)

sirius:

full on stray kids stan

also day6 and txt

insult changbin or hyunjin in front of him and you’ll end up in the hospital wing

exists on 3racha’s soundcloud

as another Rich Friend™️ he is the number one profit source for JYPE

he puts his posters up ALL over his room and walburga absolutely despises it

he goes feral (changes into padfoot starts howling fucking nuts) if he pulls a changbin pc

remus:

ateez and txt ults but also stray kids

the marauders all stan skz let’s be real

he also listens to bts and seventeen (he’s such a simp for shua change my mind)

biases yeosang and taehyun

sirius buys him albums all the time (my dream omg) like 15 minutes after he mentions he might get an album it’s on his desk

has playlists for certain moods

fanfic reader™️ secret tumblr account for his recs and ao3 is bookmarked (we do not speak of wattpad but he has one of those too)

peter:

exo shinee and bts ults

low-key nct stan (especially nct 127) plus superm

anyone who tells you peter isn’t a 3rd gen stan is LYING

the only thing he can afford is spotify premium and he lives off of it

sirius and james try to buy him albums and he’s just like Absolutely Not i Refuse to listen to you tiny 4th gen stans

when he has some money he goes all out every single exo album he can get his hands on

he believes in growl supremacy also save me like if he could inject it into his bloodstream he would (don’t do drugs kids only bts)

he likes to dabble in producing he has a secret wip he’s been working on for like three years it’s coming out next month

regulus:

txt (certified beomgyu simp) stray kids and xdinary heroes

his favourite song is 9 and 3/4 because it’s the first txt song he listened to (plus like the magic references obviously he’s convinced txt are secretly wizards)

he buys albums obviously but he also buys those seasons greetings (as in those £70 bitches) and has a collection of them

touch his pcs and it’s St Mungo’s for you

he says stream good boy gone bad

that one time he asked lucius if he’s ever met stray kids because i.n did an impression of dobby-

lily:

twice and itzy stan. the hugest itzy stan.

ryujin/yeji bias i'd think probably both

will not shut up when itzy have a comeback

absolutely peer pressures (gently) everyone around her to listen to itzy songs

she has absolutely dragged all of the marauders to a concert with her. sirius agrees that ryujin is cool and their bonding mechanism is going to concerts together 100%

alice:

twice and bts and txt stan

huening kai biased. i feel it in my soul

she's the type to go on twitter and be the mediator in fan arguments

collects pcs and probably runs a tiktok account where she does deco for her pcs

she seems like the type to write jyp and hitman bang fanfiction but not say any part of it is satirical

pandora:

dreamcatcher and txt stan

she runs a lore account on twt/tiktok

probably has a corkboard where she notes down all the txt lore she can decipher and tries to work it out

she's also obsessed with ryujin even though she doesn't stan itzy. like. who isnt lets be real

she gets into in depth discussions with remus about the plausibility of certain theories they have about mvs

barty:

xdinary heroes day6 enhypen txt and wayv stan. dont ask

he would die for o.de he has said this many times. and sunoo probably

he would start the fanwars alice breaks up (90% of them are where he says something about hyunjin to piss off sirius completely on purpose)

anytime he sees a man with long hair he feels immense gender thoughts

absolutely the hugest thirster in the set. cannot resist a man with thick biceps at all

very obsessed with enha's vampire concept. very very obsessed with it

he would willingly learn how to do cosplays and makeup without magic so he can authentically create costumes based around idols in specific mvs

evan:

was roped into xdh by barty and skz by regulus but discovered nct on his own

he watches cringe tiktok compilations all the time

has met mark lee before. dont ask me how. he just has.

he is the most indifferent person when he gets albums but is loony when it comes to lightsticks

no1 sticker defender. probably would set up a prank of some kind where sticker just plays on repeat in potions to piss off slughorn

professional at pirating unreleased songs guy

PUKU PUKU POW POW 💥

narcissa:

closeted twice itzy and blackpink stan

she is crazy about lisa and jeongyeon

absolutely no one knows about her interest in kpop except lily

secret kpop specific twitter

participates in fanwars to put gasoline on the flames but mostly just here for the music

secretly learns choreographies and has a popular instagram account where she posts fan art (secretly)

#this has been in my drafts for millenia and honestly. i was so right about this.#this is the peak of my indulgency #marauders era #marauders #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #regulus black #lily evans #alice longbottom #pandora lovegood #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #narcissa black #headcanon #marauders headcanon #kpop

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bellaxgiornata · 1 year

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Falling For the Devil [Part twenty-six: "The Big Win"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Nelson, Murdock, and Page obtain a big win on a court case that makes the news. You were planning to go out and celebrate with everyone at Josie’s until you unexpectedly overhear something that keeps you at home and in tears.

Your mind mentally spirals telling you that you’re not good enough for Matt.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 4.3k

a/n: This is a light angst installment with some comfort at the end! I am still steadily trying to bring all 75 (soon to be 76) installments over to tumblr but there are SO many. You can find the list of installments that are on tumblr for this series here. Also, always feel free to chat and leave some love, it is always much appreciated!

Eyes scanning the menu above the register as you waited in line, you tried to decide what you wanted to grab for dinner. You'd stopped inside a Vietnamese restaurant near The Bulletin after you got off work, starving and in a hurry.

Matt had invited you out to celebrate at Josie’s tonight with Karen, Foggy, and Marci. Their firm had won a huge case yesterday–so big of a win that it had made the front page of most print and digital news outlets in the city. Bianca was the one who'd written the piece for The Bulletin, Ellison claiming you were a little too close and therefore too biased to write the article. But you'd smiled at the front page this morning, eyes focused on the image of Matt’s smiling face next to Foggy and Karen on the courthouse steps.

When you'd spoken to him on the phone at lunch he'd been so excited. He had been talking animatedly to you about all the calls their office had received today as you listened with a large smile on your face. You were proud of him and eager to share in his excitement tonight.

Which was why you'd decided to swing by the restaurant to grab some takeout. Your plan was to rush home and eat before changing into something less business casual and just plain casual before celebrating with your friends. And thankfully it was a Friday night, which meant you all didn't need to hold back with your celebrations.

As you were very much considering ordering some beef pho to eat and warm you up before your walk to Josie’s later, your eye caught sight of Matt’s face on the woman's phone in front of you. Smiling, you saw it was the article about their firm and pride flooded you again.

But it quickly left you when the young woman gasped loudly and shook her friend's arm, drawing her attention to the image.

"Oh my God," she hissed, her finger pointing at Matt’s face. "That's the sexy lawyer I told you about!"

You saw her friend glance over at the phone screen, her brows quickly rising high on her forehead at the sight of Matt’s picture. Your stomach felt like it sunk to your knees, a strange feeling washing over you. You knew you shouldn't be eavesdropping, but with what came next, you couldn't stop.

" That's the hot blind lawyer you fucked?" the friend asked in awe.

It felt like time had slowed down just as someone punched you in the gut. She slept with Matt? Your Matt?

"Yeah, a couple of years ago when their firm just opened. I see him around the courthouse sometimes when I'm there," she continued. "Seriously, that man's tongue is magic . And his stamina is insane."

You flinched, a sick feeling swirling in your stomach. Jaw tightening, you tried to fight back the nauseous feeling in your gut thinking about her hands on Matt’s body and his hands on hers–the same hands he tenderly touched you with.

"I actually saw him the other week," the woman continued on, entirely oblivious to your world falling apart behind her. "Was hoping to get another night with him. I mean, no one has compared since that night I had with him. And he somehow looks even more fit now under those dress shirts. But apparently he has a girlfriend? Says he's not like that anymore."

"Well whoever she is, she sounds like a lucky bitch," the friend said, eyeing the photo of Matt appreciatively again.

Yeah, you definitely felt like you were going to be sick.

"That man is wasted on one woman," the other woman grumbled. "There's no way he's satisfied with her. Unless she's like, some sort of sex goddess rolled into a model's body."

Flinching again, you involuntarily took a step back from the pair of them. You did not want to hear this. You did not want to think about this.

"Why would that matter? It's not like he could see her," the friend pointed out.

The other woman laughed as if Matt’s blindness was some sort of joke. The sound grated on your nerves, your teeth grinding together. Suddenly you found yourself no longer even remotely hungry.

Turning on your heel, you sidestepped the person behind you and headed straight for the exit. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you pushed out of the restaurant door, tugging at the collar of your coat and your blouse. For a moment, all your brain could conjure up was the sound of that woman's irritating voice moaning Matt's name.

Tears stung at your eyes and you roughly wiped the heel of your palm over them, exhaling a rough breath and heading in the direction of your apartment.

You just wouldn't eat dinner before going out tonight–not the end of the world.

But as you walked back to your building, you couldn't shake that gross feeling in your stomach. It was churning and twisting and at one point you were positive you were going to dart down an alley and throw up.

You told yourself the reaction you were having was ridiculous. It's not as if Matt cheated–he had slept with that woman before he'd even known you. Years ago. And when she'd apparently propositioned him recently, the thought making you cringe, he'd turned her down. Which was good. That was not something to be upset about.

And it's not like you didn't know Matt had a past. You'd sure as hell watched the flirting on the sidelines for the year you'd been pining for him. Foggy sure as shit had made enough comments about Matt ever since you'd known them about how Matt had been a huge flirt since his college days. Hell, you only had to look at Matt to know he attracted attention.

It's not like you didn't have a past, either. Matt sure wasn't your first relationship or the first person you'd ever slept with. Sure, the number difference between the two of you was probably vast and you'd never had the nerve–or maybe it was also the lack of charm–to have one night stands, but you had a past, too. So it shouldn't even matter.

Though none of that logic remotely quelled the jealous and insecure beast rearing its head inside of you. Because knowing all of that didn't change the fact that you'd just had to see one of the women Matt had slept with and then hear her talk about just how great in bed he was. Your Matt. The one who held your hand and would walk you home from Josie’s, or who clung half-naked to you on an almost nightly basis. The one who you had been slowly stepping out of your comfort zone with, who made you feel safe and secure.

As you entered your apartment building, you wondered just how you were supposed to go out to Josie’s tonight and look Matt in the face without picturing him between that woman's legs. Without thinking about that beautiful mouth–the same one you'd spent so long dreaming about kissing and now actually being able to kiss whenever you wanted for the past few months–kissing her .

You rubbed the heel of your hand over your eyes again, wiping the dampness away.

No, this was stupid. You weren't going to think about that. You loved Matt and you were happy for him and you wanted to go out and celebrate him and your friends' success.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you made your way into the elevator. As you waited for it to ascend to your floor, you told yourself you'd stop thinking about it.

…but you did often find yourself worrying lately that you weren't enough for Matt. He had slept around a lot before you came into the picture, clearly he had never been satisfied with just one woman. So what made you think Matt was really going to be content to just settle for you? You weren't like those confident women he always went for, which certainly translated in the bedroom. You weren't as timid with him as you used to be, but you were sure he never had to reassure those other women he had slept with. Was it just something different for him, sleeping with the shy, awkward chick? Getting you to let loose and then eventually losing interest in you when you weren't as nervous?

Your heart ached at the thought, your chest feeling like it was constricting as you unlocked your apartment door.

No, Matt wouldn't do that.

…but maybe it wasn't intentional. Maybe he didn't realize that's why he'd been drawn to you in the first place and when you were no longer so damn nervous and timid in the bedroom he wouldn't find you as appealing. Maybe he'd go back to the confident women he was always getting hit on by. Or maybe he'd find another awkward woman.

You were crying by the time you locked your door behind you, tears steadily streaming down your face as your mind continued to spiral. You couldn't make the thoughts and fears stop once they'd started coming. There was no way you could go out to Josie’s tonight, not like this. You'd ruin everyone's night.

Rushing forward you flung yourself on your couch, burying your face in the cushions and crying. Your mind kept telling you this was ridiculous, that you were drastically overreacting to what had happened, but then it would moments later throw wave after wave of insecurity at you. You almost hadn’t heard your phone ringing with how hard you’d been crying into your couch cushions.

Sniffling and trying to control your sobs, your head rose from the cushions. You noted the obvious darkened and damp spot your tears had created on the gray fabric before your attention shifted to your ringtone loudly cutting through the silence in your apartment. Sliding your phone out of your dress pants pocket, you glanced down at the screen. You were grateful that it was Karen’s name you saw instead of Matt’s; you didn’t think you could manage a conversation with him right now. Clearing your throat, you tried to will the tears to stop.

“Hey Karen,” you nervously greeted, your voice cracking ever so faintly.

“Hey!” she greeted back excitedly. “Just calling to let you know I’m on my way to Josie’s, but Matt is finishing something up at the office for a minute. Foggy went to stop by Marci’s work and grab her before they headed over. Just didn’t want you to be alone wondering where everyone is at.”

“Oh, uh,” you answered hesitantly, the lie coming out of you before you knew what was happening, “I have a lead I need to follow up with tonight. For a–a story.” You hoped she didn’t catch the way your voice had broken as you spoke.

“Oh, I…thought Matt said you were coming out?” she said slowly.

You heard the phone shift as Karen called back to Matt, who was most likely in his office. A moment later there was more shifting before you heard Matt on Karen’s phone.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Matt began, your eyes closing and fighting down another surge of tears, “I thought you were coming out to celebrate with us? Did something happen?”

“No,” you answered, voice barely audible. Clearing your throat again, you tried to sound normal. “Something just–just came up at the last minute. I need to–to follow a lead. For a story. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll make it.”

Fuck, you felt like a huge asshole, especially with the dejected sigh you heard over the line.

“Oh, okay,” he said slowly. “I’ll stop by after Josie’s then? I won’t stay late.”

“No!” you answered quickly, cringing when you did. “No, you just celebrate with your friends. Have fun, okay? I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later.”

You had to hang up, tears already starting to pour back down your cheeks again. You were a monumental asshole lying to Matt like that. A shitty girlfriend for not going out and celebrating a huge win for him and a shitty friend for not celebrating your friends.

It was better off this way, though. You would certainly bring everyone down tonight if you came out. There’s no way you wouldn’t break down at just the sight of Matt, thinking about all those other women he slept with. Thinking about how you’d never be good enough. How you’d just plain never be enough for him.

No. You needed the night in to cry out your insecurities and get your head on straight before you saw him again. You wouldn’t ruin everyone’s night, just your own.

Pulling yourself up off of the couch, still softly sobbing like a pathetic mess, you made your way to your bedroom. You changed quickly into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a large, comfortable shirt before turning your phone on vibrate and tossing it onto your nightstand. Then you proceeded to draw back the sheets of your bed, forgoing dinner and everything else as you buried your face in your pillow and cried.

_______

Something was buzzing near your head and you groaned, rolling over on the mattress. You had a killer headache and as you opened your eyes to the darkened room, you realized your eyes were burning, too.

From crying yourself pathetically to sleep, you remembered a moment later. Another groan left you as all of your stupid thoughts came rushing to the surface now that you were conscious again.

Realizing your phone was vibrating on your nightstand, you threw a hand out and grabbed it. It was barely ten at night, you’d passed out in your bed for a couple of hours apparently.

And of course it was Matt that was calling you. That insecure feeling swirled and twisted uncomfortably in your stomach at the sight of his name on the screen. With a sigh, you answered the call, pulling the phone up to your ear.

“Matt?” you asked, voice a little thick with sleep. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah,” he answered briskly. “Why were you lying to me?”

Your eyes narrowed at his question. How did he know?

“What?” you asked him.

“You sounded off but I tried to ignore it,” he explained quickly. “Figured you were busy and distracted. So I went out to Josie’s, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I thought I’d stop by and see if you were back from following your lead–but you’re asleep. I’ve been knocking on your door for the past five minutes. Did you even have work?”

Biting your lip, you knew you couldn’t lie. He was outside your front door after all, he’d certainly be able to hear your heartbeat.

“No,” you whispered.

There was a sharp exhale from Matt over the line before his tone softened into something timid. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked next.

“No,” you answered quickly. “No, you didn’t.”

There was a long pause, one that only grew that uncomfortable feeling in your gut. You felt nauseous waiting for Matt to respond, your palm sweating against the phone.

“You know I can hear your heart, right?" he told you. "That wasn’t entirely true." He paused a moment as your brows furrowed. "What did I do wrong, sweetheart?" he asked nervously.

"Matt, you didn't do anything," you answered firmly.

Throwing your sheets off of you, you climbed out of your bed and headed down the hall. He was silent on the line as you moved, probably more focused on you making your way through your apartment towards the front door.

Quickly unlocking it, you swung it open to reveal Matt before you. His glasses were hiding his eyes but you could see the downturn of his mouth. You both lowered the phone from your ears, hanging up. Stepping aside, you let Matt into your apartment. You really felt like you were going to be sick now with him standing in front of you and closing the door behind himself.

"Why did you lie?" he asked, his cane gripped tighter in his hands as he gazed down at you. "What happened? Why did you–"

He abruptly paused mid-sentence, head tilting to the side. Your own head cocked to the side, wondering what had interrupted him. As you watched him, you saw his hands grip the cane even tighter, his lips pressing firmly together like he was fighting something down. His head shifted back towards you, his expression still partially hidden behind the glasses.

"Sweetheart, why were you crying?" he asked slowly.

You blinked hard a few times. How the fuck could he know that?

"I can taste it in the air," he answered as if he could read your mind. "Tell me the truth, what happened? What did I do?"

"I told you, you didn't do anything," you answered, voice wavering. You could feel the tears starting again.

Matt raised a hand and pulled his glasses off his face. The sight of him only had your tears spilling back out of your eyes. He looked so pained . His bottom lip was starting to tremble as he gazed down at you, his own eyes beginning to glisten with tears.

"Talk to me," he begged. "Please."

"It's–it's stupid," you muttered.

Matt shook his head roughly, taking a step towards you. "No it's not. You're clearly upset," he said.

"I–" you broke off before you even began.

What the hell were you supposed to tell him? That you couldn't stop mentally picturing him with other women? That you felt less than? That you were afraid he was going to break your heart and leave you?

"Hey," he said, tentatively brushing his fingers along your shoulder almost as if he was too afraid to touch you. "Don't get lost in your head. Talk to me. You can always talk to me."

Wiping your hands across your eyes, you turned, making your way to your couch and sitting down. Matt hesitated a moment before he followed, leaving a bit of space between the two of you that you most certainly noticed.

"Are you–" he began nervously, clearing his throat and glancing down at his fidgeting hands, "–thinking about ending…things?"

Your eyes went wide, jaw dropping at his question. "No!" you shot out. "No, that's not it."

He glanced back up at you, his expression still tortured, his own eyes still watering. "Then what?" he asked.

You grimaced, your gaze dropping down to your lap, hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants. "I was planning to grab something to eat before meeting you all at Josie’s," you mumbled. "And there were these two women in front of me, and one of them recognized you from that picture in the article."

You swallowed hard, recalling what she'd said. Those mental images fought to resurface with him sitting beside you and your eyes snapped shut.

"Recognized me?" he prompted.

"From when you…slept with her," you whispered.

Matt shifted on the couch, moving more towards you. "Sweetheart, I didn't–"

You shook your head quickly, cutting him off. "No, I know. She meant a while ago. Before we even knew each other. But I had to listen to her talk about how great in bed you were," you said with a cringe. "How she tried to sleep with you again the other week. And when she said that you had told her you were with someone, she made a comment that you'd–you'd never be satisfied with one person."

"What?" he asked, brows creasing together.

"And I knew it was stupid, and I tried to leave and forget about that even happening," you continued, a few tears still sliding down your cheeks, "but I couldn't stop picturing you with her. And then I was thinking about what she said, and I worry that she's right. That you won't be satisfied with me." Your voice picked up speed as you began blurting your fears out. "That you'll get bored of me. Or that you'll miss sleeping with someone new whenever you want. Or that you'll get tired of having to reassure me–in and out of the bedroom. Or maybe I won't be as timid in the bedroom and I'll lose whatever novelty I had for you and–"

"Stop," Matt said, firmly cutting you off. "Just stop, sweetheart. Take a breath."

Your heart was hammering away in your chest, your hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants even faster between your fingers.

"I'm sorry you had to overhear that," he began after a moment. "I certainly wouldn't have wanted to hear someone talk like that about you, either. But sweetheart, I love you. You're not some novelty. You're not boring. And you are more than enough."

His hands reached out, grabbing your shoulders in a tight grip. You glanced up at him, taking in the earnest expression on his face as his eyes fixed along your left cheek.

"I slept around because I was lonely and young and I liked the attention," he admitted. "But ever since you've been in my life, especially as my girlfriend, I have been far from lonely. I don't want anyone else. I just want you." One of his hands reached up, cupping your cheek gently. "I love you. I've told you before but I'll say it again–I have wanted you since the night your friend who's far too interested in my ass told me to buy you a drink at Josie’s. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't want to lose you."

You swallowed hard, a light laugh falling out of you at his comment about Katy. Matt's thumb gently wiped the tears off of your cheek, the rough pad stroking your skin. His words had soothed that jealous, insecure beast in your gut, but now you just felt guilty for letting those fears cloud your mind this evening.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "It was stupid, I told you it was stupid. And I should have come out but I didn't want to ruin everyone's night. I figured if I stayed in I could just wallow and maybe push it all down and tomorrow I’d be fine."

"Sweetie, don't push those feelings down," he urged. "Because that's when it comes out like this; you shove it down and then push me away instead of just talking to me."

"I'm sorry," you whispered again, shame burning in you now. "I shouldn't have. My mind just started spiraling and I couldn’t make it stop."

Matt's hands pulled you in towards him, wrapping you in his strong arms. Immediately you buried your face in his dress shirt, eyes closing as you inhaled the comforting scent of him. Your own arms hesitantly wrapped themselves around Matt’s waist in return.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night, Matt,” you apologized again into his shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t come out and that I lied and–”

“Shh,” he shushed you, one of his hands stroking down your hair. “Stop apologizing. Just next time something like this starts growing in your mind, tell me. Please?”

You nodded against him, the tears finally stopping. Shifting above you, you felt him slowly draw you away from his chest, both of his hands coming up to hold your face gingerly in his large palms, tilting it up towards his. He smiled warmly at you, his eyes creased at the corners and filled with so much affection that you felt even more stupid for your earlier thoughts.

“I don’t regret buying you that drink at Josie’s,” he murmured. His forehead lowered to yours, his gaze almost meeting your own. “There’s not a number far enough away from one, remember?”

Your smile grew at the little saying you’d both steadily picked up over the past few weeks about how neither of you regretted that situation Katy had practically forced on the pair of you.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back.

Closing the distance, he brought his soft lips to yours. He kissed you with so much feeling in the way his mouth moved, it was as if he wanted you to never question his love for you again. Your hands that were still on his back gripped his dress shirt tight and pulled him in further towards you, closing that little distance there had been between you on the couch. His hands still held your face firmly to his, even as he gradually and almost reluctantly broke away from your mouth. He rested his forehead against yours, a small smile on his lips.

“Did you eat dinner yet?” you asked.

He huffed out a laugh, lightly shaking his head against yours. “That is definitely not what I thought you were going to say,” he told you. “But no.”

You grinned, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips. “I can’t celebrate with Foggy and Karen, but I can try to make it up to you. I’ll order us dinner and we can celebrate here,” you offered.

Matt straightened beside you, that smile growing on his mouth. "I'd like that," he replied. "But only if I get to reassure you after dinner one more time." He shot you a wink that had you giggling. "Or maybe two more times."

Still laughing lightly, you slid a hand out from behind his back and grabbed Matt by the back of his neck, drawing him into you for another kiss. His own hands quickly dropped to your hips, pulling you onto his lap and causing you to quickly catch your balance, both legs now straddling his lap.

"And maybe–" he mumbled against your mouth between a kiss, "–one time–" his mouth landed back on yours, "–before dinner."

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x fem reader #matt murdock fic #matt murdock series #matt murdock fanfic #daredevil x female reader #daredevil x reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock angst #fftd

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stellisketches · 1 year

Text

I think the fight between Aphmau and Garroth at the end of season 2 reads a lot better if you don’t look at it from a “who’s right and whose wrong” perspective and just absorb it as a natural consequence of the narrative.

These two had gone through the emotional ringer leading up to the confrontation, and one way or another something was bound blow over. As a side note, I don’t think either of them were that out of character during the scene either, which I’ve seen some people argue.

Two of Aphmau's main character flaws is that she a) wants everyone around her to be happy all the time and b) she forgets to consider the full consequences of her actions. Part B is obvious in this situation, and as for part A, she had plenty of chances to tell Garroth she was pregnant before the whole invasion but chose not to because she didn’t want to make him unhappy (this was confirmed by Katelyn). She’d honestly prefer to tell Garroth bad news when he’s already upset and make him feel worse rather than tell him when he was happy/content and interrupt the peace (though I doubt she’s consciously aware of it).

And we’ve seen that Garroth is fully capable of being cold and snapping when he’s upset, though he seems to reserve it for people he genuinely dislikes or is deeply upset with. We’ve just never seen him reach that point with Aphmau (arguably save for end of s1, but I still chock that up to magick-fuckery). Because she was the one person who kept him grounded, and he did not ever want for her to see him in an uncaring light.

Was it morally right of Garroth to yell at her after being told? No. Did he come off as manipulative when he questioned if she had ever cared about him? Yeah. Was he acting as though she betrayed him when he knew they were never officially together? Pretty much.

Was it understandable that Garroth would be outwardly upset after being told the woman he loves is having another man’s child after weeks of building stress? Yes. Directly after finding out his mother was about to be executed and his home had been laid to siege? Double yes. Was him questioning his entire relationship with her a natural, instinctual response after realizing she had kept it from him for a substantial amount of time? I’d say yes.

Was it morally wrong for Aphmau to sleep with Aaron? No. Was she obligated to tell anyone about her intimate relationships? No. Was she responsible for the way Garroth acted? No.

Was it incredibly stupid for her to have told Garroth right after he found out his mother was going to be executed? Yes. Should she have anticipated that it was probably a bad time to announce she was pregnant? Yes. Was Aphmau toeing the line at feeling sorry for herself and playing the victim in order to initiate sympathy from Garroth throughout that conversation? Personally, I’d say yes.

They both acted in a way that was manipulative, as is what happens when two people are upset and in conflict. You want the other person to feel a certain way, and you say and do things that aren’t necessarily fair in order to make them feel it. It’s not about right and wrong, its just about making yourself and your misery heard. It is natural, and nature does not have a moral compass.

I’ve seen a TON of arguments on a ton of different platforms arguing about whether it was Aphmau or Garroth who was being manipulative towards the other and it all totals up to be pretty 50-50, and tbh I think that is the best seal I can get for my claim. People usually side with whoever they think is most morally correct, and everyone has opinions and biases they’ve settled into that impact who they side with. With a score that even, you know it really comes down to a personal moral standpoint.

Thing is, this wasn’t a moral argument. it was simply a well of building emotions that hit its limit and flooded way over capacity.

It’s not about who deserved to get yelled at. It’s not about who deserved to get rejected. When it comes down to it, it is about two people at their own personal breaking points who spiral into reverberating their anguish on one another. They were neither entirely justified or condemnable for feeling the way they did or for the way they spoke to one another.

And that is why it makes it so frustrating and uncomfortable to the audience.

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grievedeeply · 2 years

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ok, i have a VERY weirdly specific scenario i thought of which i thought would make a great imagine.

hear me out, maybe the reader has a sort of scenario the same as arisu after the queen of hearts game where he’s in the bar with karube and chota, except maybe its the reader saying her last goodbyes to karube who she dated before the games?

idk if that’s not what type of request you’re looking for, just a weird scenario i thought of!

this has me shaking and crying and punching the air. karube has been one of, if not my favorite character, in the entire show, so this punched me in the gut 😭 thanks for the request and for breaking my heart anon.

if you want extra heartbreak listen to this playlist i listened to on repeat while i wrote this. it's my own so i'm biased but i think it fits with this :"( edit. i wrote this entire thing and then tumblr deleted it soooo forgive me if this is bad

gn!reader | tags: @hawkins-hs @energeticsirens @fiona782 | join my taglist!!!

tws: a lot of angst. main character death, bittersweet ending. no pronouns used but reader has long hair and karube says beautiful

your happy ending — karube daikichi

your heart had felt empty for a long time.

though, you would be lying if you said that you didn't let out a sigh of relief when mira died. not because you wanted her to. no matter how cruel she was.. no one deserved a death like that. not even her. a part of you felt like she was a victim too. if you were honest with yourself.. she probably was. even though it felt good to be free of the hell you found yourself in for so long, you thought of her. kyuma, too.

you remembered chishiya, who had gotten shot twice trying to protect the people he cared about. he wouldn't have done that before. he was so.. different. things had changed within him. he was becoming even more difficult to read.

you thought of arisu, who stood shakily next to you, holding usagi's hand in his own. the two of them deserved their own happy ending— and you were certain that they would get it now.

a happy ending.. right.

you wouldn't be getting one of those.

you were unlucky. you knew that. you felt it from the moment you had your first coherent thought.

but he was.. he was lucky.

he was your good luck charm. your sweetheart. he was your everything, and now he was gone. you could only picture his beautiful face in your mind. his smile and his generous heart lived on only in your memories.

you wouldn't get your happy ending with him.

the world was cruel. you were well aware of that fact, too. the universe always took the kindest people first, and you wished that it were you instead of him that had died that day.

you looked towards arisu, and somehow, you could tell he was thinking about him too. karube and chota, both. they were his closest, most trusted friends. they died.. and he lived. he would have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. no matter how many times you reassured him that it wasn't on him, he wouldn't listen. he was too stubborn.

"now, all surviving players will be given a choice." the voice had sounded like nails on a chalkboard now, but still, you looked towards the sky and paid attention. "please select whether you will accept permanent residence in this land, or if you will not." the voice rang through your mind, and you let out yet another sigh of relief.

"i.. don't think i'm going to." you spoke up, turning your head to look at arisu and usagi. his grip on her hand tightened and you felt a pang in your heart. you could only wish that things were different.

"i.. don't want permanent residence." usagi breathed out, a warm and gentle smile on her lips as she stared at arisu. he repeated her sentence back to her, with an expression on his face that you could only assume was similar to hers.

you felt as though time had stopped for a moment.. and you closed your eyes.

"are you sleeping?"

you blinked a few times, trying to force your eyes open. you recognized where you sat. it was karube's couch. one you found yourself visiting more often than you'd like to admit. his apartment was a safe haven for you. he had told you once to come whenever you like, and you took his words literally, even if he probably didn't mean it at the time.

your eyes focused, and you looked around. everything was the same. the tv that sat in front of you, the messy kitchen in the corner of your eye. what was happening?

you turned your head, expecting to be met with the door that had led to the balcony, but you were greeted with something much better.

your boyfriend's face.

he had a playful smile etched across his face, and your expression softened. your eyes widened. you felt the urge to reach out for him. was it a dream? was he still with you? "come on, i don't have you speechless already, do i?" your boyfriend's voice rang out as clear as day in your ears, and you let out a shaky breath. was this a dream? a nightmare? a game to physiologically torture you?

"daikichi?" you finally uttered his name, and he nodded. he was just as beautiful as the last time you'd seen him though.. this time he had something of an ethereal glow. you were probably imagining it, too focused on his presence to care about things that didn't make sense.

"oh, daikichi.." you hummed, gathering the courage to reach out for his hand. your fingers didn't move right through him, no. you were met with skin. he was really there, sitting in front of you with that same grin he wore on his face every day.

you could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of him, the realization of him being real sinking in after a few moments. "i've missed you so much." you lifted his hand to your lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it gently. it felt as though he would break. "mm. don't want blurry vision." he chuckled, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs, "i missed you too." he chuckled, quickly taking you into his arms after looking into your eyes for a few seconds.

you sank into his touch, your arms easily wrapping around his neck as they had done so many times before. this couldn't be a game, you told yourself. he was really there in front of you. you pulled away from the hug after a few moments of sitting in silence, your eyes closed as you took him in.

your gaze flickered back and forth between his lips, and he raised an eyebrow, "come on. kiss me."

you leaned towards him suddenly, pushing him back against the couch. you pushed yourself up, your hands resting on either side of his head. you admired him, taking in every detail of his face. his smile, his eyes.. everything. after another few seconds, you pressed your lips to his. his hands rested on your waist, holding you tight. it was almost as though this would be your last kiss. you didn't think about that. he was real, and you would enjoy the moment. he squeezed your sides, humming contently against your lips.

he pulled away first, easily slipping his hand to your face. he brushed your hair behind your ear, "so beautiful." he hummed, looking to be in a daze as he stared up at you. you only laughed, nudging him playfully as you sat back up. you pulled him up with you, enjoying his touch for as long as you could.

"i don't want this to end." you told him, and suddenly the smile on his face was replaced with a frown. small, yet noticeable. "what's that look for?" you asked after a moment, and he pursed his lips.

"you have to let me go." he spoke, his eyes meeting yours. "what are you talking about?" you laughed breathlessly, furrowing your eyebrows. "you know." karube replied without missing a beat, gesturing to his neck. "no.. no." you whispered out to him, your throat feeling dry. "it was over, daikichi.. it was over." you continued, shaking your head.

"i know, baby," he muttered, taking one of your hands in his as a way to attempt to comfort you. "but you have to let me go." he spoke again, and you shook your head. "i can't. i can't.. i can't just let you go. i can't do it." you countered, and he let out a sigh, squeezing your hand.

"you remember our first date?" he asked, seemingly out of nowhere as he noticed the tears forming in your eyes. you nodded, blinking a few times. why would he bring it up now? "remember i took you to the movies.. i even did that stereotypical movie date move," he chuckled, removing his hand from yours to wrap it around your shoulders, repeating what he had done on your first date together.

"you were so into it that you accepted my offer for a second date." he laughed to himself, squeezing your shoulder with his hand, pulling you closer to his chest. "and i remember this time.. i was so nervous. i never went to fancy restaurants so, i.. i remember putting on that suit and staring at myself in the mirror, telling myself i looked really stupid in that suit." he continued, his voice lowering to a soft whisper.

"then i got there and your eyes nearly popped out of your skull." he nuzzled his head against your own, and you rolled your eyes. "no, they did not. i just said you looked good." he laughed at your words, but shook his head. "you should've seen your face, baby. i swear, your eyes were so far out of your head. your jaw was on the floor."

"oh, come on." you muttered, forgetting entirely about what had happened before. "it was not. you just have a massive ego."

"one that you fueled with that expression." he shrugged, lips pressed together in a smile. you rolled your eyes, and you fell silent.

"i don't.. want to let you go, daikichi."

"i know you don't." he took in a shaky breath. "if it were up to me.. i'd keep you here forever and we'd live in our own little world."

"why can't we do that?" you asked, a frown forming on your face as you looked up into his eyes. the look in your eyes was nearly enough for him to start crying himself.

"it's not your time yet." he replied. "you have a whole life to live. and.. when it's over, i'll be right here." he hummed as though his words were some that were spoken every day, and you pulled yourself out of his grip to look at his face.

"i can't just let you go. i can't do it."

"i'm not asking you to forget about me. about us," he said, "the live we could've had." he looked away from you and out the window, reaching into his pocket.

he pulled out a small box, and you furrowed your eyebrows. he turned his attention back to you after a few seconds of contemplation.

"i had everything planned out," he whispered, opening it with a bittersweet smile. inside was a ring.. a beautiful one, one that you assume he'd picked out himself. "i had this entire proposal planned. it was gonna be at the bar. obviously." he shrugged. "where we first met. i had a speech. i was ready and willing to confess my love to you in front of all of those people." he laughed breathlessly, blinking a few times.

"the marriage? i had the perfect image in my mind. i would've had two best men.. because i knew i wouldn't be able to pick between chota and arisu," he laughed, "and i would be wearing that same suit that i wore when you fell in love with me."

"oh, please."

"what?" he chuckled.

"i didn't fall in love with you when you were wearing that suit."

"when did you, then?"

"right when i met you," it was your turn to shrug, "i saw you behind the bar and thought to myself.. i have to try. i have to get his number or something. you asked me for mine first, so i didn't have to." you laughed at the memory.

you remembered how he looked that day. you remembered his smile as you walked into the bar, directed right at you. you could feel your heart skip a beat at the sight of him.. and it was then, you knew.

"you really wanted to marry me?" you spoke up again after the room fell silent. "of course i did." karube replied without hesitation. "you were the only one for me. and you still are."

"but you still have to let me go," he continued with his previous conversation. "i don't want you to forget all of that. i always want you to think of me and get all flustered.. have that same silly grin on your face like you always did when you saw me." he chuckled.

"i want you to feel okay moving on. you deserve to.. to live a happy life with someone else. you don't need a dead boyfriend holding you back from that happiness."

you had nothing to say to that.

"you promise me that you'll at least try? i want you to be okay with someone else other than me." karube continued even with your lack of a response, and you nodded wordlessly.

"good," he pulled you close to press a kiss to your forehead. "and when the time's right.. i'll be right here waiting for you." he reassured you with a smile, and you found the strength to return it.

were you foolish for believing he was alive, even if it was for a split second?

"you'll have your happy ever after." he whispered, taking your face in his hands. "i promise." he chuckled, noticing your worried expression. "i'll find you again, baby. i will." karube reassured you with a gentle smile, and all you could do is nod.

you took his hands in yours, leaning forwards to kiss him again. he met you in the middle, his eyes closing as soon as your lips touched his. you melded together perfectly.. in every way. he was your soulmate. there was no erasing that.

you wouldn't ever be as happy with anyone else as you were with him. you knew that. but he wanted you to feel okay moving on, and you knew that, at some point, you would be.

he pulled away and looked into your eyes.

"i love you." he whispered.

"i love you more."

your entire body was sore. you noticed that as soon as you opened your eyes and were met with the blinding lights of the hospital room you laid in.

the silhouette of a nurse stood next to you, and she greeted you with a warm smile. "how are you feeling?" she asked you politely, looking up at the screen in front of her to check your heart rate before returning her eyes to you. "everything hurts." you mutter, and you earn a laugh from her. "we can take care of relieving some of the pain but.. for now," her smile turned into a bittersweet expression.

"i am sorry for your loss."

you felt a pang in your heart at your words, and you finally looked into her eyes. you felt so weak. so.. frail.

"he had this," she held a small box in her hand out to you, "in his pocket. the paramedics insisted you have it." she whispered out to you. "he seemed like a kind young man."

"he was." you cut her off before she could say anything else, taking the box out of her grip after a few seconds of staring at it.

"i'll.. leave you alone. press this button if you need anything, okay?" her voice was kind, and you managed to send a small smile her way before she shut the door to your room behind her.

you knew what it was. you had seen it..

you opened the box and the same ring karube had shown you was inside. you couldn't help but to laugh, letting your head fall back on the pillow for a moment. you forced yourself up again, taking it completely out of the box.

"yes." you whispered to the sky, slipping the ring onto your finger with a bittersweet smile.

"yes."

#alice in borderland x you #alice in borderland x reader #alice in borderland #aib x you #aib x reader #aib #karube daikichi #karube x reader #karube alice in borderland #aib karube #karube daikichi x reader

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