#and how worthless you are. like ok. at least you knew to go away

[bellowbear]

My Random Analysis about Muteki Song Meaning (Part 1)

Part 2 Part 3

Yeah 3 parts because I'm lazy as fuck.

Warning : MANGA SPOLERS, My grammar is bad, My Japanese is also bad, don't trust my analysis perfectly, typos

Oke, soo. Let's analysis the title song first

無敵 (Muteki)

To make this short, it's literally this (I already told you guys I'm not good at grammar and Japanese right?)

Invincible; unrivaled; unrivaled

無 (mu)

From Romanjidesu (English - Japanese dictionary)

(Mu) is clearly means as :

nothing; naught; nought; nil; zero

un-; non-

Meanwhile,

敵 (teki) means as :

opponent; rival; adversary

menace; danger; threat; enemy

So, if we put together, 無敵 (muteki) means Invincible. This honestly makes sense to Sakura's character, he is invincible, he so strong that he almost becomes undefeatable. Wtf am I saying?

Btw, the kanji have another meaning, because you know... hiragana etc.

“I'm other half (fragment) like a light I'll protect you”

Back to the topic, and then we go to the first lyrics.

This can be interpreted as how Sakura sees Furin, his friends, and the people at Makochi (Furin territory). 

“I'm invincible My heart hurts so much that it breaks”

From chapter 145 Sakura says “It’s because of them… that I started wanting… to be here. It’s warm, it smells so nice. … I’ve never been to a place… where I could stand so easily before. That’s why… I wanted to protect it.”

Sakura wants to protect the fragment of light he has. But, we know that Sakura is invincible, that ‘invincible’ also makes him suffer, it also makes his heart hurt. From what we know (from the anime and the manga) Sakura is always alone before he meets Furin and the others. 

“I don’t want it, don’t come near me, even though you pretend to understand”

From my interpretation, Sakura doesn’t want to be ‘invincible’, he becomes what he is because of the past itselft. Because of the rejection he got, it broke his heart, but he tried to hide it. And so, this makes sense to the next lyrics.

Son, the anime did a good job for showing Nirei in the first part, and then Suo for the next part (I know they also show Tsugeura, but it's not the main point okay).

“I brushed away the hand you reached out because I’m a devil”

We know that Nirei always wants to be helpful for Sakura, for showing Sakura the way to the top. 

“So, at the very least, I hope that when he’s lost, or when he’s in trouble…I can help him. I… want to be helpful to him! at least a little!” Nirei to Suo at chapter 57.

Nirei and Suo may not know what Sakura's past is, but they don’t pretend to understand. They are confused, yes, but they still want to understand Sakura, and want Sakura to rely on them more.

But, to protect himself, Sakura rejected it. Because he doesn't know how to handle it. This is literally what Suo said to Nirei after visiting sick Sakura.

“If you're given something you don’t know how to use when you’re in bind… it’s just going to make things worse, right?”

“As for Sakura-kun, I don’t think he even knew about smartphones… let alone know how to use one. This also applies… to friendship too, I think.” Suo to Nirei at chapter 57.

“If you smile for me, even my unbearable past”

Sakura views himself as a ‘devil’ because of what people think he is, what people say about him, once again just because of his appearance. (Why the fuck men). Sakura refuses to admit that he can’t do this alone, he is scared of once again being rejected.

“I’ll think it’s all worthless”

“Alone, I crouched down”

“I won’t forget that you pulled out my heart”

“As long as you smile for me, I can overcome my shameful past”

At first I’m confused about what these lyrics meant, so I searched for another translation, and I found this.

“I don’t think everything is worth it”

“Alone, I crouched down”

And I go back to chapter 58, when Sakura asks Kaji how to rely more on his friends. And I found this interesting, in the manga when Sakura monologues about not supposed to care about what the others see about him. 

“I’ll never forget you pulling out my heart”

But, all of his classmates are smiling at him (minus Sugishita), they’re seeing Sakura as who he is, and accepting who Sakura is. 

Because of that, the ‘shameful or the unbearable past’ manages Sakura to overcome it, even though Sakura thinks it’s all worthless (because once again, he still ‘scared for no reason’ just like what Kaji said to him).

“... not a single one of them… chose… to reject you.” Kaji to Sakura at chapter 59.

(God damn… I’m very happy for this boy :’’’))

So, when he ‘crouched down alone’ in the darkness, he could never forget everyone who ‘pulled out his heart’. This literally means Sakura who is always alone, scared of being rejected, scared to accept everyone, scared for seeing who they’re, but now he finally can jump out from the tightrope.

Anyway... end of part 1

I want to eat my oranges now

Bye :)

[dirt-str1der]

Thinking nonstop and reflecting on my past and the people i have talked with whom i now hate. Badly

[differenteagletragedy]

Baxter thought that going back to Golden Grove after so many years away might have been a good experience. Healing, in a way. He at least believed that he wouldn't feel like a walking open wound like he did when he'd left.

But, like so many times before, he was wrong.

Being back in his old hometown left him with a particular kind of ache, one that he was hardly expecting. He'd wanted to reclaim it in a way, walk you down the streets he use to ride his bike on when he was a kid, show you everything -- only his happiest memories. But every single place looked dark now without the hazy happy light of youth to blur it into something better.

He thought that when he saw the old convenience store that he'd think of the boys club, picking out snacks with Qiu and Ren, sustenance for adventures. He'd always reminisced on his own, it had always been a sad thing, but he wanted to desperately for it to turn happy with you. Instead, he pictured the last time he and his old friends came there together, how distant things felt and how hard he tried to hold onto them, how frustrated he was that he just couldn't seem to do it.

Moments like that kept happening -- you wanted to see his dance studio, see the place where that passion was born, but driving by hurt so much that Baxter made an excuse as to why you couldn't stop. When the car passed by the diner, you suggested the two of you pop in for lunch, and his hands clenched the steering wheel so hard they hurt.

After a few times, he stopped making excuses. Not because he was adapting, but because you stopped asking.

That night in the hotel, he felt so incredibly on edge in a way that he hadn't in a long time. He thought he'd been gone from this place long enough to have put all his old hurts behind him, or that at least he'd buried them down deep enough that they wouldn't pop up again, but he was wrong. Being back here, being reminded of how broken he'd been here, was a nightmare. He was scared.

And when he got scared, he pushed people away.

"It's ok," you told him softly, kneeling on the bed behind him as he sat on the edge, wrapping your arms around him. "It's ok to be sad."

Baxter wanted nothing more in that moment than to be the kind of person who could easily accept that kindness, but in Golden Grove, he'd morphed back into that pitiful little boy he was then -- cold, distant, pushing the best parts of himself down so they didn't get hurt. He pried your arms off of his shoulders and let them drop.

You were sweet -- you were always too sweet to him. You put your hands back on his shoulders, gave him a kiss on the cheek, tried to console him. Every tender touch drove home the thought -- the fact -- that he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve you.

He stood, walking to the window. From there, he could see so much of the town. The backdrop to his beginnings, the place where he'd grown and been taught how worthless he was. He still remembered the whispered remarks he heard about himself, the dirty looks, every one of them well-earned.

Golden Grove felt like a black hole then, one that was quickly swallowing him up. He knew he wouldn't be there forever, it would be just a few short days until he was back in sunny California, but at that moment, he didn't feel like this feeling would ever leave him.

So he left you.

Baxter heard himself distantly telling you his thoughts -- a carefully calm version of them, anyway. It was reminiscent of the way he'd broken up with you years ago after the summer you spent together in Sunset Bird, with him assuring you that you wouldn't miss him, not really, and that he wouldn't bother you again. He blocked out your tears as best he could, and your pleas for him to just stop and talk about things. He'd already made up his mind.

It was easy enough, logistically, he thought. You didn't live together, and you didn't even live in Prism Vista -- it was a long distance relationship you'd formed since Jude and Scott's wedding, and he could make that distance work in his favor now. And before he ran the risk of letting himself be swayed by you, he started putting the distance in place right away by grabbing his bag, still unpacked, and leaving the room.

He wouldn't make this mistake again, he thought to himself. Because that's what you'd been, a mistake, he was sure of it. A beautiful, warm, life-changing mistake that he'd never make again.

You'd be all right, Baxter knew that. You'd find someone soon enough, someone who could give you everything he couldn't.

And as for him, he wouldn't be foolish enough to love someone again. Not ever.

[wolfoftheblackflames]

Had this adorable thought in my head. Basically, imagine this scenario. (Post Episode 6 too since I felt like it, also first time writing something like this, enjoy!)

Vaggie and Charlie are going on a nice little walk since the two could use a break from the hotel, plus date night. As they're walking, Vaggie continues to hear the annoying assholes disrespecting her girl and gets rightfully pissed. Charlie, not wanting to cause a scene, tells her, "It's OK" and that "She's used to it" which in turn prompts Vaggie to get even more pissed swearing in Spanish. She then starts cussing at the assholes branding her spear at them. Charlie tries to stop her girlfriend's rampage but fails. Touched her girlfriend got mad on her behalf, but annoyed because some jerks ruined their outing, Charlie manages to scoop up Vaggie in her arms before it gets too out of control.

She then carries the fuming woman back to the hotel, walking past some curious on lookers in Angel Dust and Husk. The boys noticed a bit of blood on Vaggie's spear and winced with Husk saying, "Who pissed that one off?" And Angel replying with "Some shmuck who probably pushed her buttons too far."

Upstairs in their room, Charlie sets Vaggie on the bed and crosses her arms, but her expression from annoyed softens when she sees Vaggie rubbing her neck and looking away. She tries to hide her embarrassment and hears Charlie's footsteps moving away but only to come back with a basin of water and a cloth. "Look, hon, I'm sorry I lost my temper, but those assholes.." She begins but blinks, feeling that soft loving hand touch her cheek. Charlie then gently wipes away some blood smeared on her girlfriend's face replying with a soft "I know, thank you for doing that but also what if you got hurt?"

Vaggie would lightly blush, remembering how they met, and then holds Charlie's hand to her face, kissing her princess's palm. "I'm a lot sturdier than I look, baby, but thanks for worrying about me." To which Charlie chuckles and replies."What did I do to get such a wonderful person as my girlfriend?"

With that Charlie nuzzles Vaggie smiling as her little moth has a darker shade of blush tinting her dusky cheeks. "That's what I should be asking you." With that Vaggie plants a warm kiss on Charlie's lips but a part of her couldn't help but think "If you only knew what I did and who I was, would you still want me around?"

As if on cue, Charlie knew the sadness and scooped up her girlfriend again, carrying the smaller woman and shifting their bodies to where Vaggie could just rest comfortably against the princess, letting the doubts fade for a moment. Surprised Vaggie looked stunned but then her eyes started to close as she just nuzzles into Charlie's chest listening to her hellborn's heartbeat, it was the one sound she loved to listen to when her mind was clouded with thoughts of worthlessness, because it made her feel like she was worth something, at least to her beloved Charlie, who in turn just held Vaggie close as the two drifted off for a small nap.

However it was short as an explosion and cussing awoke the two causing them to rush out and peer over the railings. Angel Dust with an annoyed look while holding burnt food, Alastor smiling like a mad man amused, Nifty trying to clean up the mess, Sir Pentious looking concerned replying with a "I guessss you're not cut out for cooking Angel Dusssst." And Husk just chuckling at the softie. "Hey I'm a pornstar, my food gets served to me on a silver platter, so excuse me for not being able to cook!" The spider replied annoyed but then blinks hearing the girls on the railing laughing at his little antic. "You're banned from the kitchen Angel, at least until you stop blowing it up." Vaggie stated as she smirked with a playful grin.

It was a fun note to end a shitty day on, but damn it what was suppose to be pizza turned out to be a huge charred mess that pretty much broke apart as soon as you tried to pick it up.

[melloween-candie]

Teenage pregnancy [C.G]

A Carl Gallagher x Fem Reader fic

Summary

You only started dating Carl for about 2 months. That was right around the time when he and Dom broke up. Deep down, you knew you couldn't compete with her. He would always choose her before you. Yet you were only 16 years old when you discovered he got you pregnant. This news terrified you so much. You didn't want to lose him, and you knew he was already going through so much shit stuff with his family and his "business." Better yet, you were scared about how your family would react, let alone his. At least you have Debbie, your best friend, who's also pregnant with you.

A/n - Ok, so listen, I'm not the greatest at slang dialog, sooo don't hate on me, please lol I'm sorry, I tried, ok! Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this. Since it was one of the ones I really enjoyed writing. Not to mention it took me forever only to end up putting this story into parts instead...

Warning! Teen pregnancy, Cussing, Small spoilers, Mention of virginity loss, Small mention of rape, Insecurities, Mention of paranoia, Depression, Lying, Traumatic event

Note! If any of that makes you uncomfortable- DON'T READ THE STORY!

Word count: 1,405

[Angst/Fluff]

PART 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (Completed)

Shameless Masterlist

Fandom Masterlists

/"Talking"//Thinking//Muttering-Whispering/

***Y/n's Pov***

How could this have happened?! That stupid pill is worthless!

You were currently sitting on your bathroom toilet, panicking over the pregnancy test you just took. This was the fifth test you've taken this week, giving you the same answer yet again. You couldn't believe it. You only did it once!

You swore to your family that you wouldn't get pregnant as a teenager. You promised your mother you would avoid making the same mistake she and your two older sisters made. Yet it seems like everyone in your family either got pregnant or impregnated someone at a young age, no matter what they did. 

This can't be happening! What the he*l am I gonna tell Carl?!

Knock, Knock~

"Yo, you almost done in there?" Your older brother, B/n, yelled from behind the door. "I need to take a pi*s!"

"Ye-yeah... Give me a second!" You panicked. Scrambling around the tiny bathroom, trying to hide the evidence.

"If you don't hurry up, I'm gonna come in!" He spat, jiggling the doorknob.

"Just wait! Would ya, please! God." You opened the door. "There! Jesus."

"What the he*l were you doing in there? And why do you have that? It's not even that full."

You were holding a plastic bag. Filled with bathroom trash along with your secret.

"So?! Why do you care whether it's full or not?" You spat.

"Jesus, what got you so moody?" Your brother gave you an annoyed look. "You pregnant or something?"

Although he said it with sarcasm, you couldn't stop your heart from bursting with fear when you heard him say that. You about froze in place as he gave you a questioning look. Then he proceeded into the bathroom.

Fu*k me... You started tearing up from the stress. Not again. You whipped away your tears once again as you left for school. Stupid hormones.

Time skip!~

You were walking up towards the school doors until you saw your best friend Debbie running towards you with a massive smile on her face.

"Y/NNN!" Debbie yelled across the schoolyard. "I-huff huh-huff..." When she got to you, she was practically a wheezing mess.

She inhaled a loaded bunch of air before screaming, "I'M PREGNANT!!!"

Her screaming caused some unwanted attention to occur.

"WHA-WHAT!?!?" Your face dropped. "Since when?!"

You draped your arm on Debbie's shoulder as you both walked down the school corridors.

"Since a week ago? I don't know; I took a test today and am pregnant!" Debbie was so excited she squealed. "Remember how I told you about Derek, my boyfriend?"

"Yeah-"

"Yeah, well, we did it, like- two weeks ago!"

"Wha-what?!" Now your heart dropped. "Why didn't you tell me you- did it with your boyfriend? Did you tell anyone else? Or like- did you tell him that you're p-pregnant!?" You whispered-yelled the last part.

You were panicking. You couldn't believe the situation you were in. What are the odds that you and your best friend got knocked up together simultaneously without planning anything? Well, even if you knew Debbie wanted to get pregnant, you didn't think she would actually act upon it.

"Come down! It's ok. The s*x was mutual this time, and I did tell him. He was ok with it, but Fiona, on the other hand- not so much."

"Oh, ok, well, what are you going to do?"

"What kind of question is that; keep it, obviously!"

"Right, right, I know that. I mean- I-." You paused. Looking her in her eyes. "Aren't you scared? Y-you know... about what others might think-?"

"Peff- No." She gave you a deadpan look. "I couldn't give two sh*ts about what others think of MY choices. I wanted this! Besides, my boyfriend wants this too."

"Are you sure he wanted this?"

"No- well, maybe? I don't know-"

Ring! The bell rang.

"Well, got to go. Can't be late for history- again. Byeee!"

Debbie left you by your classroom door.

What am I gonna do...? How is she not panicking about this!? I mean, knowing her family's circumstances... what am I going to do- my parents are going to kill me...

Time skip!~

You've been avoiding Carl all day. You didn't want to face him. You didn't want to tell him. You couldn't.

Throughout the day, you've been in this paranoid state. Falling into deep thought only to jump out of it whenever someone said something to you or made a loud noise. It became so noticeable that one of your teachers pulled you aside in between classes to ask you if everything was okay. You told them you were fine when really you were a mess.

At some point, Carl finally managed to grab ahold of you. It was during lunch when he asked you-

"Yo!" Carl grabbed your upper arm and turned you around. "What's goin on? Why have you been avoiding me all day?!"

"Carl- uh..." You gave a nervous giggle. "Everything's fine."

"Ya sure? Cause I've been tryin to get ahold of ya all day, and it just seemed like you were completely outta it." Carl gave you that bruff look.

"Sorry, I just got a lot on my mind at the moment."

"Yeah, we can tell, so what's up?" He asked, joining you at your lunch table.

"Well, nothing much. Uhh… I heard that Debbie got pregnant." You said, trying to change the topic.

"Oh yeah- she told ya, huh. Figures." Carl looked at you, agitated. "Ok, whaddya know?!"

"What do you mean?"

"You're tryina change the subject; why?"

You were never one to lie. It just wasn't in your nature. You were terrible at it, so no matter what you said, everyone eventually finds the truth.

You sighed. "Carl- what would you do in their situation? Hmm?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean... If you got me pregna-"

"Woah, woah, woah! I GOT YOU PREGNANT!"

"NO! And keep your voice down!" You whispered-yelled at him.

"Oh, okay then, why ask?!" He asked in that slang accent of his.

"It's just-" You looked down at your food. Poking it with your plastic spork. "I need to know what you would do... If you and I were in the same situation as Derek and Debbie..."

"That's a weird question..." Carl looked into your eyes. He saw a hit of sadness in them. He took a pause the said- "Okay, fine."

Carl laid his hand on top of yours on the table. He leaned in, looking into your eyes, and said, in his regular voice- "If I got you pregnant, I'd try my hardest to be the best father, role model, and partner. I'll do everything I can so our future fam can live in luxury." He smirked.

You stopped looking into Carl's eyes and drifted down to your knees. Carl saw that your eyes were getting misty, so he leaned in and gave you a sweet kiss.

"Listen, babe. You don't need to worry about that stuff. If you're worried it might happen, we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with." Carl cupped your cheek. "I swear, even if it did happen, I would never abandon you. I love you."

You looked into Carl's eyes once again and closed the remaining gap between the two of you. Sharing a sweet kiss for only a moment when you ended it. Pushing him inches away, you said, "Carl, I'm pregnant."

Ring! The bell ranged. People started to get up, throwing away their trash.

"YOU'RE WHAT!?" Carl yelled out of nowhere, causing a few people to look at him. Instantly he pulled back. Jumping up from his seat. "How! We-" Carl only stopped when he saw your face drop morbidly fast.

You started hiccupping as tears rolled down your face. The whole lunchroom was quiet by that point. Instinctively out of embarrassment, you quickly tried to cover your face with your hands.

Now people were really staring.

"Wait, baby, please don't cry. I didn't mean it like that." Carl tried to grab your hands away from your face. But you refused instead; you instantly got up and ran away. Before he could even get up, Nick quickly grabbed his shoulder, stopping him from chasing you…

Carl watched you leave the lunchroom. All eyes turned to him. He stood there feeling guilty and angry. Carl swatted Nick's hand off his shoulder. "What the he*l, man! Why'd ya stop me!"

"She needed space."

A/n

That was Part 1 of a somewhat long story. This story was originally going to be a one-shot, but it was just too long for my liking. It's taken me about like 4 weeks now. With the grammar checking, editing, and organizing... It was a lot, and I really wanted to publish something. Just so you guys know, I'm not dead, lol. Anyways yes, this was the post that got delayed. :( But I'm working on getting everything out! :)

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: @katkitkats and I talked about this about a week ago. I'm sorry this took me so long, Kat. I know it's a lot shorter than what I was anticipating. Ha, isn't that some shit. I DIDN'T write something freakishly long. Jesus. How weird. Anyway, I hope you like it, Kat. <3 As always, thanks for discussing your ideas with me

C/W ::: Timeskip Hanma x depressed F.reader, talk of feeling worthless, mention of leaving - I don't mean suicide, I just mean like, literally going away/leaving.

Hanma is uncharacteristically sweet and compassionate in this piece. Do I think he could ever be capable of such feelings? Honestly? I can see it happening but he's got a lot of growing up to do first.

WC ::: 1,284

Cry Until You Laugh

For Kat

The light from outside was an assault on your eyes that you would not soon forget. Or forgive, for that matter. Hanma pulled back the blackout curtains in favor of the light yellow embroidered sheers to filter the world from your sensitive disposition.

"It looks like it's going to be a warm day. What do you think about going for a rid-" You met his question with a loud groan and rolled over, pulling his pillow over your face. "Ok. So no ride along the coast. Noted. But you know you should at least-" He started again.

"Try to get outside. Yes, Shuji. I know. Thank you." You said softly, despite interrupting him. You knew that he was only trying to do his best for you. For the both of you. "But I think I'd like to stay in. You know how I feel about that fiery fucking thing in the sky. I hate it."

That drew a soft laugh from him. "Hana, what am I going to do with you." You knew what he meant but you just couldn't help yourself.

"It's recycling day, is it not? Just put something decent on me and sit me at the curb. Let the city handle the rest."

"Han- hana. Don't talk like that. Please? I'm never going to ... to do whatever the fuck you're talking about. Now come please. I have to get you up and running and then we’re going out. What sounds good for breakfast?"

You pulled the pillow the rest of the way from your face and flipped it behind your head, sitting at a comfortable incline. The look on Hanma's face was absolutely heartbreaking. He shouldn't have to be dealing with this shit. With you. It made you feel bad, knowing you were such a burden on everyone that has stuck by you up to this point.

Normally, you'd make some offhand comment about how a bowl of shredded glass and bleach would be all you'd need for the morning. But there was a noticeable sadness that was almost heavier in Hanma's eyes than in your own. It made you want to cry. But then that would only make him feel bad. And that was just one more thing you never wanted for him. You were sad enough for the both of you.

"Hana ... please? I know you feel like there are better things to do, but it's important to take care of yourself, baby. Don't you want to show the world how beautiful you are." He chuckles as he says the last part. "Eh, I know you don't care. I know you don't."

Hanma helps you up off of the bed and helps you walk to the bathroom. He lifts you up and sets you on top of the counter and pulls out the brush to run it through your hair. It's been hard for him, this experience with you. He loves you with every piece of himself. But sometimes he doesn't know how to act around you. You're a loose canon sometimes and if he says or does something that can set you off, there's no telling how long you'll be on that downward spiral.

"Hey... Look at me. It's going to be okay. We'll take some time just for us today." He tips your face up so you're looking at him. His amber eyes are glowing in the morning sunlight.

How, you wonder, can one person be everything when you are nothing.

He manages to take care of things and makes sure you do the bare minimum on top of everything else. It's so fucking exhausting being you.

Sometimes you play the "If I just left" game. But you would never leave him like that. You don't think, anyway.

"Look at me." His tone shifted from soft to commanding. "I mornings are hard for you. I know this morning is hard for you." As he notices you're not responding, he brings his face close, and caresses your cheeks, to make you see him as he stares at you sharply. 

His reassurances are your downfall. You can tell him no over and over again. Tell him to fuck off until you're blue in the face. But he'd only tell you that blue looks really pretty on you.

"I love you." You break down in tears.

He holds you tightly, shushing you softly. "I'm here. I'm here, baby. I'm not leaving. I promise. I'll stay as long as you want me to stay. I'm not going anywhere." He whispers softly to you as he gently runs his fingers through your hair. "It's going to be okay."

You feel so stupid and vulnerable right now. You just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. But Hanma won't let that happen.

He helps you get ready for the day and takes you to the kitchen for breakfast. You hate it when he cooks for you. It makes you feel like a child. But he insists and you're just too fucking tired to argue.

After you eat, he helps you put on your shoes and a light jacket before grabbing his keys and wallet. He opens the front door and lets you walk out first before following behind you.

The sunlight was damn near blinding. You hadn't been outside in weeks and the fresh air felt foreign.

Hanma takes your hand and leads you to his car. You can already feel the anxiety starting to shake loose in your chest. It's been so long since you've been out in public. You just hope that no one you know sees you.

The ride to the park is a quiet one. You're still upset and you're trying not to cry again.

When you finally reach the park, Hanma parks the car and comes around to open your door. He offers his hand and you take it.

You walk in silence through the park. The only sound is the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet.

As you're walking, you notice Hanma taking pictures of you. You don't like it but you don't say anything. You know he's just trying to make you feel better.

You both stop at a bench and sit down. Hanma wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you close. "How are you feeling, hana? It's been some time since you've been out like this." He says softly.

"I'm alright." You respond quietly.

"You don't have to pretend with me, baby." He says as he caresses your cheek. "It's okay to not be okay."

"I just... I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand how I feel like this. I hate that I'm not able to be normal anymore." You sigh as you lean into his touch.

"You're doing the best you can, sweetheart. You're so brave and so beautiful." He presses a soft kiss to your temple.

"You don't have to keep doing this, you know." You say quietly. "You don't have to keep putting up with me. You can leave if you want."

"I'm not going anywhere, hana. I'm here for you. I love you and I'm not leaving you."

You lean against him as tears start to well up in your eyes. "I don't deserve you."

He stretched his arms above his head. "I know." He whispers as he gently strokes your hair. "Everything in the world, hana. You're worth it. I'll never leave you."

You sniffle as you try to hold back the tears. "I just want to be normal again."

Hanma sighs softly. "I know, hana. But what's the fun in that?"

He looks down and smiles at you.

And for the first time in a long time, you smile.

Really smile.

Taglist ::: @darkstarlight82 @viburnt @arlerts-angel @kazutora-kurokawa

[cuervolyx]

🧡 for Hyeonsik. \(^^ )

🧡- Your Oc has retired. Do they talk about their experience or leave it behind perfusely?

(Note: My tablet is acting up again and got rid of my drawings. So, pencil sketches for now until I figure out what is going on with it)

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Ring... Ring... Ring...

No response. Aera placed the telephone handset back onto the cradle. This is the third time this week she has tried to call Hyeonsik. The third time since that her calls have yet to be answered. It's been two months of silence. What was Hyeonsik doing that he could never answer her calls? I have to visit his house! I don't care how far away it is from the mountains! She stood up and walked into the new Deputy Chief's office to inform her of her absence in the future.

The southern parts of Nisara were an interesting part of the country. It goes from a Piedmont landform to a coastal plains landform. Aera had always wanted to visit the coastal plains, and she was a bit lucky that she would visit the area since Hyeonsik is from this part of the island or at least lives here. She could see the damage the war had done as she drove through the Southern region. Many villages were still burnt to the ground, and many families were still trying to salvage what was left of their homes. It broke her heart to see this. Sadly, it's the consequence of war. She passed some security checkpoints and entered a small village.

The village began rebuilding itself, but many parts were still damaged. Aera walked through the town and watched as many families walked around. Aera pursed her lips. Hyeonsik hates being around families. And for a good reason. Aera finally found a small house, and the address on the envelope matched the address. She knocked on the door. She was not expecting a response, but the door opened.

"Aera? What are you doing all the way down here?" Hyeonsik asked. He let his friend into his home. Aera smiled. Finally, after two months, she can see her dear friend. She gave him a quick hug.

"You haven't answered my calls! I've been calling for two months straight. And no, don't you try to tell me that your phone isn't working. I know it is!" Aera explained. Hyeonsik pursed his lips. Aera was like a mother, constantly nagging and cutting off any arguments he could make. Hyeonsik sighed.

"I-I just want to forget it all. My service meant nothing. It was worthless like me," Hyeonsik said quietly. Hyeonsik looked away from Aera. He knew Aera was going to be on him for this. "Just forget it. You've traveled from the mountains. Why don't I get you something to eat?"

"...Ok," Aera said. She knows more than anything that Hyeonsik hates being questioned. So, she will do her best to get him to open up again. The last time he opened up was the third year of their service in the military police, which was many years ago. So, it was rare for him to allow himself to be vulnerable.

Aera and Hyeonsik sat on the porch in silence. They watched as the ocean tide moved. It was honestly a refreshing day if you forget about the war and deaths. Aera quickly noticed that Hyeonsik had not grabbed anything to eat for himself. It made Aera feel awkward about eating. However, she can tell that Hyeonsik was waiting for her to eat. So, she did. Oh! I brought that stew from the mountain. I'm sure he'll eat that, at least! Aera grabbed her bag and pulled out the bowl.

"Y-You don't have to. I'm not hungry right now," Hyeonsik said as he saw the bowl. He really wasn't feeling hungry. Aera shook her head as she handed the bowl to him.

"You need to eat. I know you've always avoided eating back on base. But you're at home. You need to learn to eat more," Aera explained. She still remembers the day he had fainted due to a lack of nutrients. And she still remembers watching him avoid food at all costs. If she was honest with herself, she was scared watching him basically starve himself. Hyeonsik pursed his lips, but he finally took the bowl from her.

The stew was surprisingly still warm. However, the smell of it was too strong. Hyeonsik felt a bit sick from it. He didn't want to eat it but knew Aera would nag on him for not eating. He sighed. He might try to eat a little. With some hesitation, he finally placed the spoon in his mouth. He felt like he was going to throw up already. Hyeonsik had to cover his mouth to prevent spitting the food out. He chewed on one part of the vegetables as long as he could until he felt it was mushy. Hyeonsik pushed the harder, unchewed vegetables to the front of his mouth as he began to try to swallow the chewed vegetables. As he tried to swallow, he felt his throat constricting. He gagged and lurched forward as he pushed the chewed vegetables back to the front of his mouth. He couldn't do it. He can't swallow it! He'll choke if he tries again!

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked over to see Aera handing him a cup of water. He took it and drank it all. Luckily, it helped him swallow the food. The wind soon began to pick up. Neither of them noticed.

"You're still having trouble to eat? Have you thought of going to the doctor for that?" Aera asked. Hyeonsik shook his head. He hadn't tried because it didn't matter. "Hyeonsik! Why won't you go? This is so unhealthy! You'll get sick if this keeps up!" Aera already knew Hyeonsik was a bit sick, but at this rate, he may end up in the hospital or worse.

"Shut it. Why do you even care?" Hyeonsik hissed. Aera blinked, but Hyeonsik could tell she was mad.

"Because you're my friend! We've been through hell and back together! I won't lose you because you won't eat! Why can't you eat?" Aera shouted. Hyeonsik was taken aback by the shouting, but he wouldn't sit there and take it.

"Why should I? Huh? My family can't eat then how can-" He stopped. He didn't mean to bring that up. Aera knew everything that happened in his past, so she knew what he was going on about. He could feel his chest tighten. He began to shake. After all that work of getting rid of his emotions, why was he now losing control of his feelings?

"Hyeonsik..." Aera whispered. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't to blame for his wife and child's death. But she wasn't there. She didn't even know him during that time. What could she say to comfort her friend? What could she do to help him? All she could do was stay silent.

"I just can't anymore. Ever since I left, I don't have anything to distract myself. I just keep reliving that moment. I keep dreaming about it. I can't even cook because I'm scared of the flames. Why can't I just forget it all! Why do I always have to be reminded?" Hyeonsik said. At this point, he didn't know what he was saying. He just spat out whatever words came into his thoughts.

"Hyeonsik, breathe! Please!"

Hyeonsik stopped talking. He took a deep breath. He looked up to see Aera confused but relieved. He gave a small smile.

"Thanks," he said. He didn't even notice that he was even breathing correctly. He keeps breathing in and out. He failed to notice Aera becoming even more confused. And he failed to see that the voice who shouted did not belong to her either.

"Thanks? I didn't do or say anything?" Aera said. Hyeonsik seemed too busy breathing to notice what she said. She wondered what he meant when she thanked her, but she decided to not question it. He was calming down, which was more important than getting an answer.

The two sat silently as the roaring wind settled into a gentle breeze. The flowers swayed, and the tides slowly pushed onto the shore and retreated. Yet, the sun began to be covered by the moving clouds. Was anything even accomplished today?

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Thanks for the ask!

I hope this ask was responded to properly. I ended up writing so much that I am bit concerned for the length of it. My writing skills is not the best, but I loved responding to this ask (and hopefully it makes sense). This has to be my favorite response! Especially since I got the explore the relationship between Aera and Hyeonsik. Didn't expect myself to traumatize Hyeonsik to this extent...

[it-snotam]

red string - chapter 1

changkyun x (fem) emily

angst, smut, fluff, mostly angst tho

The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break.

1.4k word count

warnings: mentions of not wanting to live, mentions of ED a/n: i wrote this so long ago, so the songs at the beginning are quite old. let me know if you want me to tag you when i post another chapter :) ---------------------------------------------------

I'm a ghost of a girl

That I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl

That I used to know well

the lonely – christina perri

At some point in life, I wasn’t quite sure when, but everything started to go wrong in my life, even when it sounds dramatic, that’s exactly how I felt. The feel of staying in bed and sleeping was the only thing keeping me alive. I didn’t want to do much, just sleep, and dream, dream about a life in which I was happier, I was just the opposite of how I’ve been feeling lately.  

Ok, I know I have a thing for the drama, my brother kept telling me that when I was little, and I think it never went away, but got bigger while I was getting bigger. I knew there were people going through hardest things that I could ever imagined, I also knew that nothing out of the extraordinary was going on in my life, it was just boring, I didn’t quite felt like waking up into another day, that would be the repetition of the day before, and so on, it didn’t feel worth it, just living for living a live without passion without love or friends.

Talking about friends, I had started to get away from them again, they were used to it by now, they didn’t care, and they wouldn’t put an effort in reaching out after the first few couple of weeks, because they know it was worthless. I wouldn’t say I didn’t feel sad knowing that my friends, or so called friends weren’t reaching out, cause deep, deep inside my heart? I didn’t were, but I was hoping they would notice, that I wasn’t ok, but at the same time, I just didn’t want to interact with another human being, I could barely tolerate myself sometimes.  

The days in which I enjoyed going out where buried in the past, I could remember liking doing a lot of things, lot of things I had stopped doing, I remember I used to play the guitar, but I’m not sure of having one anymore, or if I’m still capable of playing a musical instrument at all.

At this point, I’d been stuck in my room for two full days, I haven’t been out of bed unless it was totally necessary, I didn’t remember when it was the last time, I had eaten, I remember maybe drinking a bit of water, there was a glass on my night table so I guess I did. All my room was a complete mess, the curtains were closed, since I didn’t want to make the effort to open them, so the darkness of the room was saddening, and not matter how hard I tried, the heaviness that was over my chest wouldn’t go away.

Being in bed, with a dark room, didn’t quite tell me what time of the day it was, my phone’s battery was almost dead on the night table and I couldn’t bring myself to move and grab it to look at the time, nor did I worry about having it turned on, it was weird that someone would call or text me. The only person that I’d say that wanted to call me, was my brother, but it wasn’t too often that he would do so, it was only when he remembered he had a sister.

I could hear in the distance, not so far away cause it was just beside me, that my phone had started to ring, or at least vibrate with an upcoming call, I could see the lighting of the screen, but I couldn’t or wanted to move and grab it, cause I was too comfy, it’s been a while since I’ve been this comfy in bed, and I didn’t want to mess it up to pick up a call that I knew was gonna make me even more upset that I was right now. I knew it was Hyunwoo, talking with him was not on the books right now, he would made me feel like a burden cause he would worry and I was supposed to be an adult, and an adult is supposed to figure things out on their own, so I didn’t have to go and worry my older brother with my stupid little things.

The call finished, but not long after, another call started, the screen showed his face again. I knew that I had to answer now, and I would do, at some point, I would find the strength, knowing my brother as I know him, he is right now starting to freak out and is about to call the police to start the search all around town. And I also knew that he would end up coming here, and I know he was completely capable of kicking out the door in the process.

I didn’t care about the door, thought, and I wouldn’t say I care about much of things nowadays. So, thinking about my options, the best one was to ignore him, until he gives up and stop calling, cause he’d realize, I didn’t want to talk to him, and I wanted to enjoy time by myself, I wanted to go back to sleep to cause I didn’t want to start thinking, my thoughts were driving me insane. I just wanted to go to dreamland where everything was possible.

At some point I think I fell asleep, maybe it was the lack of food I had eaten, or maybe it was sleep time, I think my phone finally ran out of battery completely so no calls woke me up. I don’t exactly know for how long I was asleep, but I opened my eyes, and I wasn’t fully conscious about being really awake or if it was a dream, I wasn’t sure if I had slept for real or if I was just imagining it. The sky seemed to have gotten dark, since I couldn’t see no sun streaks in the room, even if it was morning or night, I was completely lost in time, and I didn’t know about what day it was or the month. The only thing I was sure of, I was in my room, and I was comfortable enough not to move anymore, and the worse thing is that I didn’t know if I could move if I wanted to.

Even after sleeping or sort of sleeping for long hours, I was still feeling tired, really exhausted, my eyes were heavy and I couldn’t control them, so they were closing down and I lost consciousness once again, I could only hear a noise which seemed so far away.

Maybe I should be worried about someone walking into the house, and steal everything from me, but my energy level was at its lowest and I couldn’t really care. The sound I could hear was getting louder, and I could almost hear a voice calling my name.

I believed to know who it was, and I just wanted him to leave already, I didn’t want to see him, I thought it was obvious that I didn’t want to talk to him when I didn’t answer his calls, but my brother was insisting and stubborn, and he wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep with all the noise he was making, I couldn’t open my eyes either, it was like I was stuck in my body, and I felt so tired.

The noise stopped and I thought he had left, but I was more than wrong since a louder noise followed and my heart almost ran out of my body, but I didn’t feel like moving from my safe place.

I could head Hyun Woo’s steps inside the apartment, and even when my eyes were closed, I could feel his gaze on me when he finally walked into the room. I could picture him there standing, arms closed, messy hair, heavy breathing and totally pissed.

—Go away — I said as I hid even more under my blankets, uncomfortable under his strong gaze.

—Get out of there, you need to shower. —he said as he moved the blankets out of my body, and away so I couldn’t grab them and hide under them anymore.

—Go away, I want to sleep.

—I won’t go until you get your ass out of that bed.

—Fuck off Hyunwoo —I said as I sat up quickly enough, I had all the intention to kick his ass out of the apartment so I could go back to my peace.

But as soon as I moved, the room started to move around me, I knew I didn’t have to move, I knew I was ok lying down. I tried talking and curse at my brother again, but before opening my lips, everything turned black.

-

—Emily —Hyunwoo said as he grabbed his sister’s body, she had fainted, and he got to caught her just before she would fall down. She seemed to have been stuck in bed for a really long time.

He was really worried, she had stopped answering and haven’t showed any signal of being alive since the past weekend, and today was Thursday. Something which was rather common in Emily, but this time it was different, she seemed even more tired than usual the last time he has seen her.

In less than a minute he was driving her to the hospital. He knew her too well, and it hurts him to see her like this.

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next chapter

[aldakat31415]

Hitoshi Shinsou x reader comfort

So.. guess who finally got off their ass and started writing again? And of course with one of my all time favorite Bnha characters... (drum roll please) Hitoshi shinsou!

This is my first time doing story summaries or content warnings, I'm not entirely sure how they work. Bear with me while we work this out over the course of the next few fics.

genre: fluff (comfort)

Summary: You are starting to feel depressed as of late and started to push Shinsou away. Our boy ain't having that though and is showing you the love and affection you deserve.

Content warning(s): No clue.. Not smut or lime and has no overall bad things in it.. umm depressed mc and sad vibes? Don't read if your fanfic reading time isn't about the sad? Happy ending though.

boop.. gif

Soft touches, warm smiles, the secret love in the middle of the night. You knew he loved you. Hitoshi was someone you found that could make all the bad things go away. Or at least he used to be.

It's only natural for those rose tinted glasses to fall off eventually, but you found that this was something more. Well, you longed for more. You couldn't help, but feel like something was missing in your heart, inside you deeply. As much as you loved Shinsou it seemed his care wasn't enough for you.

You felt selfish, you felt unworthy. He did so much for you to what? Lay on the ground pitying yourself? Of course you felt empty, what piece of shit doesn't notice their own misery. As well as wallow in it.

You were worthless.

Back pressed up against the door, hoping that he would just ignore you and leave you be. You didn't want to face him right now. Not like this. Not when you looked like shit, and felt like shit, and were pretty sure that you just were shit. Shinsou would be nice, but you knew better than to think he'd wanna see that. You needed to be ok, for him. You couldn't be a burden..

The sound of bags hitting the kitchen table echoed outside your door. He had gone shopping, you could hear him humming to himself as he put the groceries up. Softly whispering the cheesiest love song you had ever heard, the one you had shown him.

You slumped down on the floor, your face burying into your knees as you waited for him to finish and leave. He had patrol tonight, he wouldn't be home for very long. If you went and spoke to him you'd only be putting him behind schedule, he wouldn't want that. You wouldn't want that.

The mere minutes felt like centuries as you sat there. Each strand of your soul slowly snapping as you held back the urge to run and jump into his arms. He was too sweet, too nice. He would sit there with you until he had minutes to make it the agency, and you knew it. You had no right to hold him from his job, his passion. His selflessness would be his ruin, you couldn't take advantage of him.

A knock on the door. You cursed under your breath. "Y/n?" he asked softly. "Are you in there?"

"No.." you replied, leaning against the already locked door as extra defense against him. "They're not here, go away.."

You heard a gentle sigh and another knock. "Are you sure they're not there? Cause I'm pretty sure they texted me they were in here just a moment ago."

Another cuss word spilled from your lips as you didn't reply. You had made him suspicious, he wouldn't leave now.

"Go to work."

He took a step back from the door, his feet grazing the carpet, genuinely surprised. "...no."

You heard him slide across the floor again, slumping against the door. "You wanna tell me what's wrong? I promise I'm not using my powers."

You debated trusting him for a moment, but knowing Shinsou, if it wasn't too serious he wasn't likely to lie about it. "No I don't.. i want you to go to work."

Another sigh."Love.. Please?"

You didn't respond this time, stubborn annoyance directing your melancholy masked as anger.

A swift motion, one step, two. The door opening and Shinsou looking down on you disappointing and a little ticked off.

"I don't have work today, in case you forgot." He replied, taking a deep breath in before pulling you up towards him.

"How did yo-"

He held up an Allen wrench in his hand "Comes in handy." He replies, a little snark in his tone, his eyes sadden a second later. "..You've been so.. distant lately. Are you sure there's nothing going on?"

You sigh and look up at him, purple locks strewn across his handsome face. You can't keep this up around him, and your will was starting to falter looking him in the eyes. "...I don't know." You gave, unable to come up with an answer.

He sat on you bed, guiding you along with him as you sat on his lap. Your head neatly tucked on his shoulder and fingers locked with yours. "We can start by just talking. Is there anything going on today, any feelings, problems?" He asks, his eyes focused on you. He seemed so effortless in how he spoke, but his shaking hand gave him away.

A gulp from your end of things. The room started to become hot. Averting his gaze you tried to think. "I think.. I'm just sad is all." You said, melancholy dripping in your voice.

He thought for a moment. "Sad? This seems a bit more than sad love.. You won't even meet my eyes for very long."

"I told you that I don't know.." Your voice faltered. "I just feel.. empty. Without meaning.. Dead inside."

He lifted your gaze to meet his, only love and understanding filling them. "I.. feel that way too sometimes.. You know that. If you start feeling like that too you shouldn't hole yourself up in here. You should come to me for help, or at least talk to someone if not me. I can't stand to see you like this.. I thought giving you space would help but it clearly hasn't. Don't do this alone..I would never wish that upon anyone.. especially not you."

"I-i thought that's what you wanted.. you never brought it up or cared so I-I.." You started crying, Hitoshi wiping tears out of your eyes as he held a sorrowful gaze.

"And I was an idiot not to. I'm sorry, I noticed but I thought it was just stress. I was really caught up with work, but I had planned to take you out tonight. I've realized that's not enough, I'm sorry." Shinsou brought your hand to his lips, lightly tough the skin on the back in a gentle kiss and apology.

"You wanted to take me out tonight?" You inquired, looking on at him confused.

"Yeah.. I planned a whole date night cause I wanted to get you away from the stress of work. It's a rooftop, I thought we could stay up there star gazing and in the morning I would wake you for the sunrise. It's one of my favorite spots during patrol, and since it's run by the lady who sponsors my agency they usually don't mind me going up there. I don't think they'd mind you either.. but.. I don't think that matters right now. None of my silly plans do. I'm here for you in whatever way you want, baby.. I just want you to be happy." He looked at you like you were the most important thing in his life, and you were. What else could you be?

You leaned against his chest, the exhaustion from crying slowly starting to take over your body."That all sounds nice Toshi, but I'm tired.. maybe we can see it in the morning?"

He laughed quietly, resting his hand on the bottom of your chin. "For you love? The world."

[takamishinko]

could I pls request the bakusquad with a close FTM friend . their friend is pretty insecure about his chest . he’s also insecure about what people would think of him being trans . how would the bakusquad react if someone Mineta said something nasty to him ? if you’re uncomfortable w/ this request , feel free to ignore it , I don’t want to make you uncomfortable

have a wonderful day / noon / night 💞

sure u can! hope u have a wonderful day/noon/night too :)

perfect

a/n: this is my writing content for ftm readers i hope i don't offend anyone!

pronouns: he/him, ftm!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of pre-transition, transphobic phrases, sexual harassment, and mineta

_____

you were pretty close friends with the whole bakusquad, close enough to the point where they would not hesitate to throw hands if someone messed with you. they know about your situation and they completely accept you for it. 

they all took the news better than you expected. mina was super excited when you first came out to her and even though she had a big mouth she kept yours a secret because she knew how important this was to you, plus you might have not been comfortable about others knowing about it yet. sero was super chill about it and kirishima called you manly right after you came out to him. kaminari on the other hand was having an internal war with himself since he thought you were both pretty and handsome before and after. last but not least, bakugou hit you with a "ha? i don’t care as long as you’re still strong." after you told him.

all the reassuring comments your friends gave you made you feel a lot better about yourself. you had also told some of your other friends in the class like midoriya, uraraka, iida, and asui. they all supported you and since class 1A is pretty open about subjects like this you had nothing to worry about. 

however, just because most people have reassured it didn’t mean that you’d just suddenly  feel better right away. in a way you still felt different. you were still insecure about what other people around you would think about you, especially your chest area since your hero costume made them very obvious that they've gone through transition before. harsh comments from insensitive bastards still scar your mind deeply. their hurtful words pierced through your heart and mind.

"you'll never be a real boy."

"you're not normal." 

words like this break you down bit by bit and destroy your self esteem until you're left feeling worthless and defeated. people like this played a big role in why you never confided anyone in your secret. you feared that they would repeat these words, especially your dear classmates.

after school,  sero, kaminari, kirishima, and bakugou had left to do some training while you, mina, and some other people had stayed behind to help clean up and chill in the classroom. it was a nice way to ease yourself. mina was cheerful and funny teasing uraraka about deku, while you and tsuyu were chattering about the test that you took and guessing what mark you both received. 

you decided to stay behind a little in class after everyone returned to the dorms. you hummed while watching the sunset. it was a good environment to do some studying in, quiet and peaceful, seeing as there was an important test coming up.

you were just about to start packing up after finishing the last question on the review page until you saw a short purple figure pop up next to the door. it was mineta, the class pervert that everyone tried to stay away from. you didn't like mineta obviously, no one did. you didn’t exactly want to talk to him but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he wasn’t here to be grotesque.

why was he just standing there eyeing you up and down? an uncomfortable pricking sensation washed over you so while packing up, you decided to speak to break the awkward silence. "hello mineta, can i help you?" 

mineta wore a smug look before the corner of his lips lifted into a snide grin.

"hey~ d/nnn." he mocked, holding the last letter of your previous name.

what..?

your heart fell into your stomach at his words. why the hell was he bringing up your deadname? you balled your shaking fists and tried to calm down before you mauled the smug grape with your quirk.

"it's y/n, and if you don't have anything to say i wanna go back to the dorms." you speak with feigned courtesy as you finished backing up, scooting out of your chair.

"alright alright y/n whatever. say~ what are you doing by yourself all alone in the classroom at this time. perhaps you were waiting for someone?" mineta sing-songed while walking closer to you.

"i was just trying to get some homework finished,” you grit out. “do you mind moving? i would like to leave-" 

before you could even finish your sentence you see drool coming out of minetas mouth and his hands doing the signature grabby grabby while his eyes practically drowned in your chest area.

"you’ve probably got a nice pair of boobs huh? even if they’re flat." 

mineta mentioning that certain body part broke you. the tears immediately started to accumulate under your eyes, on the edge of spilling. you could've easily pushed mineta away due to how much smaller he was than you, but you didn't have the strength to. you felt even weaker than him and didn't have the will to fight back, your limbs being reduced to jelly. you felt helpless.

mineta on the other hand felt powerful, someone like you with a strong quirk being reduced to something akin to a quivering rabbit gave him a sick sense of pleasure. just when mineta was about to place his hands on you a certain spiky haired blonde rushed into the room and lifted mineta away from you.

"OI SMALL FRY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR HANDS GOING HUH??" bakugou snarled at the midget followed with a strong blast.

kirishima, kaminari, and sero quickly ran into the room. mr. aizawa followed up upon hearing the commotion. his eyes scanned over your distressed form before looking over at a shaken mineta. he assessed the situation and let out a sigh, hands pinching the bridge of his nose.

"mineta, my office, right now." he spoke, voice lacking any sort of amusement.

"b-but" mineta stuttered out.

"now."

mineta froze at the tone of mr. aizawa's voice and left the room with him, his head down. before aizawa left he gave you an apologetic look and told you he'd come back later to talk to you. kaminari followed them out to listen in.

kirishima grabbed your arm gently and sat you down on the chair. "y/n you okay man? he didn't touch you anywhere right?" he questioned worriedly.

"i’m gonna turn that guy into a cocoon, i swear." sero followed up.

you were incredibly surprised at what just almost happened. you almost got harassed by a midget grape but thank goodness your friends were there to save you from him.

"thanks guys." you muttered out while wiping away stray tears.

"of course man! we're always here for you, bakugou heard mineta all the way from across the hall when we came back to grab our stuff and immediately rushed over! you should've seen him, it was like he was running for his life!" kirishima said, chuckling. 

bakugou rolled his eyes. "shut up shitty hair, he's in need, of course i’m gonna sprint over. if he ever says that shit to you again, i’ll beat that little fucker up again. 

"well you won't have to worry about that anymore because i went to eavesdrop and mr. aizawa said he’s under house arrest for a long time for attempting to sexually harass a classmate." denki’s cheery voice rings out as he walks into the classroom while pointing finger guns at all of you. 

your eyes lit up from hearing the good news.

"hey y/n if anyone messes with you be sure to let us know ok?" sero smiles as he puts a hand on your shoulder.

"you're like a brother to us and we won't hesitate to fight anyone who dares to do something like what mineta just did." kirishima spoke, grinning.

"you're perfect just the way you are y/n, and we love you for that! who the hell cares about what others think of you. just be yourself and everyone else will love ya." denki followed up with a smirk.

"dunce face is right, don't worry ‘bout anyone else, not even us if you don't want to. if you're still feeling down i can blast dunce face if you want." bakugou said while chuckling evilly. 

the room filled with laughter at kaminari’s protests.  thanked your friends for being there for you. you couldn't have asked for a better friend group than them. after a while, the five of you walk back to the dorms. you smile to yourself while the other four bicker and laugh, you wished to live in this moment forever.

[danielxricciardo]

Can you do one with Max, with 46 and 55 from angst list?

Summary: You are suffering from depression and Max tries to be by your side

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of suicide, depression

Word count: 3.6k+

46. “I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

55. “You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay.”

Depression feels like a lot of things.

It feels like sadness, which is what everyone will tell you. It's a pretty common thread.

"I'm worthless."

"Everyone thinks I'm a horrible burden."

So on and so forth.

Everyone in the world is happy but you, and in the end, you are a worthless piece of shit that doesn't belong in this otherwise glorious and happy place. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you are lying there on your bed in the same unlaundered pair of pajamas, wondering why you are even allowed to keep living any longer. Some meteor strikes or lightning bolts should be reserved for people like you because you are taking up space and oxygen and food and other resources that real, happy, productive people need.

It feels like emptiness. You have all these possibilities and none of them seem interesting. You could do some art, or play some music, but that just doesn't feel right. There's no joy in it. You could have sex with your significant other, but you can't muster up the desire. You could play video games, or read a book. But what's the point? There's no real benefit to all of it but passing the time. You could get up and make lunch. But no, you're not that hungry, and if you close your eyes, time will pass a little faster. You can lie there. That works. It doesn't require active effort to do something fruitless. Everything is as empty and fruitless as lying and staring out your window at the clouds and the shifting shadows of tree branches, and so why do anything else?

It feels like fatigue. Standing up out of your bed requires the same amount of bodily effort as climbing several flights of stairs. Managing to get dressed and walk outside is like running a race. Heaven helps you if you try to go to the store or a friend's house -- that may as well be on the other side of the continent. Every step is heavy. Every muscle motion requires ten times the work it used to. Exercise becomes difficult, and control over your body expires quickly. You become clumsier, so heavy lifting is right out. You daze out randomly, daydreaming, even dozing, so biking or running is hard. You feel most at home when you are entirely relaxed, so you lie down...and don't get up again until something like your bladder compels you.

It feels like a loss of control. You have no idea why your brain and body are doing this. You don't want to feel sad. Nobody wants to feel shitty and tired and empty all the time. People will look at you and say, "It's like you don't want to get better." Those people are idiots. You truly, deeply, from the bottom of your soul, have no idea why this has happened or what to do. It's not logical. It makes no sense. You woke up like this, or it crept in overtime or something like that. It's like a fog, a force of nature that sweeps in, occludes everything, and there's not one thing you can do about it from where you stand. Trying feels like taking a paper fan outside and trying to blow away the morning mist. Someone has tied puppet strings to your brain and is playing this hideous dance with it, and you don't have the scissors to cut them away. The dance doesn't make sense; it's arbitrary and rhythmless. If you had any sort of reasoning behind it, you could take control. But you don't.

It feels like desperation. You can't find a way out. You lie there at night, keening into your pillow like a wounded animal, making all sorts of noises that no human being should be able to make. You claw and scratch at the sheets, or at yourself, as the pain wrings itself out through bodily expression. The tears won't stop. You don't know why. All you know is that it hurts, it really and truly hurts, and you think if it goes on any longer, you're going to die. Right there. Bleed out on the floor. So you grab up your phone, and you call someone at 4 AM, and you beg them to please just make it stop. You bury yourself in books and movies because at least then you can imagine something else than yourself. You read nonstop. You have to have your fix. It's like an addiction, no, more like a life support machine. Otherworlds, fantasies of happiness, and real experiences that aren't your horrible existence become the iron lung keeping air flowing in and out. You are alive because you can stop thinking for a while. Your friends come over to comfort you. Their stories keep you sane and well, like dialysis for all the toxins in you. Your mind has failed at being independent, and now it relies on a thousand little machines to keep itself running. You rely on one machine until another comes to save you. You read books until your friends come by. You stretch out your time with friends until you have to bury yourself in a movie again just to keep the thought of real-life away.

It feels like untamed anger. Your friends can't keep this up forever. You fall further and further, and you eventually start dropping commitments. You have become That Person, the flake that everyone knows will back out. People start getting annoyed at you, annoyed at how they have to spend so much time just keeping you afloat, annoyed at how often you're causing them trouble by constantly disappearing and backing out of appointments, and so on. Your workplace gets annoyed at your lack of productivity. And then you can't take it anymore, and you want to scream at them, grab them by the throat and shake them because IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You start having twisted fantasies, the ones where you walk up to that person who keeps telling you he can't do this anymore, you're just too unreliable, putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. Just to make him know, for once, that FUCK HIM, your problems are REAL, DAMMIT, REAL, and he better FUCKING RESPECT that. And when you're gone, he'll fall to his knees and cry, and he'll say, he wishes he had understood, that he didn't mean to be so unkind, and the scar on his heart from his own failure will remain fresh and knotted for eternity. And then you shake yourself out of the daydream, and you wonder why you have turned into such a horrible person, someone who even considers ending their own life just to spite another human being. Then it creeps back in, the knowledge that the world is getting fed up with you...and the cycle begins again. You start thriving off these daydreams, because at the very least if you can't be happy, you can throw caution to the wind and get the petty, oddly satisfying revenge buried under all those layers of morality that are becoming worn and flaking away. It's just a fantasy, right? And it helps pass the time...

It feels like forever. You have forgotten what it's like to truly be joyful. You can imagine it, but it's not really you in those thoughts. This is who you are. This is your life. This is you.

It feels like you have only one thing truly under your power: your existence. You cannot choose what life throws at you. Your brain and body have betrayed you. Your friends have worn away, and you've fled from your job and any commitments you have.

It feels empowering. You can jump whenever you want.

But he accepted you the way you are. He never reproached you for negatively influencing his mentality or life, even though you knew he felt it too. He always listened to you, he was with you even at 2 in the morning when you were crying on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chest, and you knew it wasn't right. It wasn't right for him to go through, basically, what you were going through. But no matter how much you told him you could do it without his help, Max was coming back more insistently than ever.

He came up with the idea to start therapy. "You have to find out why you feel this way. Go at least once, see how it is, if you don't like it or feel that it doesn't help you, you will give up, okay?" That was a year and a half ago.

The psychologist gave you a diagnosis from the first session: Major Depressive Disorder. Sure you knew what the three words meant, but you didn't know what it meant to have a label on your condition.

"A major depressive disorder is characterized by one or more of these depressive episodes. the diagnosis of major depressive disorder requires depressed mood or anhedonia which is the loss of interest in pleasure and five or more signs or symptoms for the SIGECAPS mnemonic for a 2-week period. (SIGECAPS) Sleep Disturbance, loss of Interest, feeling Guilty, feeling fatigued and low in Energy, having decreased Concentration, decreased or increased Appetite and been agitated and slow and having Suicidal ideation."

It sounds incredible to you. Suicidal thoughts? Not everyone has a thought, somewhere, behind their mind 'What if I disappeared?'

You were prescribed Prozac and Zoloft and it helped. You weren't always sad anymore, you could go to the races with Max and support him as a normal girlfriend does. You apologized to my friends who tried to help me and whose lives you made impossible and you managed to get back to work, from home anyway. Sure, you still had moments when you felt like you weren't 100% yourself but not like before. You did therapy twice a week and the psychologist was happy with your evolution.

But being the stupid ass that you are, you stopped taking the medication. You took the last pill on Friday. Because you were fine. You felt ok, everyone around you told you you were better, you were doing amazing, so you were cured, right? Or so you thought. Saturday was normal. Sunday was not. Your mood and energy were very low. You woke up at like 2 in the afternoon. That is not unusual for you. You’re used to it. You were sad. You were exhausted. You knew that feeling like this was “no excuse” so you tried to force yourself to do it anyway. Typical of your life. You feel like you had already taken so much off work because of the triple-header, you were for three weeks attached to the hips with Max.

The only thing you thought of was dying. And that terrified you. And Max senses something was wrong. But he didn't want to tell something and ending up being wrong and you being upset by his misinterpretation. But, yes, he sensed that you were becoming your old self.

"Hey, babe," he snapped you out of your daydreaming. A tragic one, where you were finally at peace and Max was crying for you. You were on the verge of crying yourself at the mere image of Max in your head. But you pushed it far from your mind, somewhere in a dark corner for you to find it at an appropriate time to fantasize about your dying. "How about we go to a picnic? It's sunny outside."

Yes, the wheater was amazing. It was finally summer and you could go outside and spend some time with Max. But your brain literally is tricking you into thinking you don't deserve to enjoy the sunny day. Why? You don't have an answer.

"I'm not really in the mood, Max. Sorry."

You are not in the mood. That was his affirmation. You are not ok.

"You feeling good?"

"Yeah. Just tired I guess."

"But you just woke up."

You shrugged. He was right. You just woke up, so why do you feel like you were carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders? You couldn't walk. You almost felt like 18 months ago. And that is when it hit you. And Max, at the same time.

"Still taking your meds, I hope."

Silence. Your mind was like overcrowded and you couldn’t take it anymore. You grabbed your head and pulled your hair because you wanted it to stop. You were thinking that you didn’t know what to think. You didn’t know how to think. You didn’t know how you felt. You were like anxious-depressed-angry-miserable-irritable all in one. Your head was spinning with thoughts. Thoughts were talking over thoughts. So fast that you couldn’t even make out one complete sentence. It was just too much for you to handle. You just wanted someone to kill you.

Max came to you and he hugged you so hard you thought he could crush your bones right there and then. You calmed down eventually. But now you were embarrassed. Because Max saw you, again, at your lowest. Because you promised you'll get better, and for a while, you were better, but now you are fucked and back into square one. All those money on therapy and your pills, for what? For you to stop taking them because you thought you were feeling better? Well, you definitely were not ok, nor you'll be. So, yeah, being fucked sounded good.

Max brought you the medicine and a glass of water. Taking the pills again? For what? The pills only fuel the feeling that everything is fine and that you are a normal person. Nothing was good and you were not a normal person.

But you took the pills. And you looked Max in the eyes and you wanted to die. He seemed crushed. He was sad, devastated, maybe angry but definitely disappointed. In you. Because maybe you don't realize this, but while you were doing good, he was doing great. He knew you could be on your own so he stopped worrying that much, and that could also be seen in his driving. He was winning more races, he was at his best and now he was at his lowest. Because you were at your lowest; co-dependency and shit.

"I'm sorry, baby. I thought I was doing well enough to stop taking the meds," you say in a broken voice but the tears are yet to appear. He stroked your hair and kissed you on your forehead.

"You should have told me. You don't have to go thru this alone. I am here."

"Yeah, you are here. But you don't have to be!" you snapped. Irritability, one thing your depression came with. "I am just a burden for you. And no, this does not come from the fact I stopped taking my pills. You took care of me like I was a child, and, fuck it, you don't deserve this."

"Stop talking like this, alright? If I would suffer from depression you would have done the same thing. You would have taken care of me. Or am I wrong?"

"You are not wrong. To be honest, I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you, but I don't want you to be. It's obvious that I would never get better. This is me. I am fucked in the head, half wishing I was dead and I am just bringing you down."

"Don't tell me this is a fucking break up, Y/N." he narrows his brows and looks at your features to make sure you were being serious.

“I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this a break-up or a suicidal vocal note?"

You broke down. Crying can be cathartic and healthy, but if it goes on too long it can lock your body in a feeling of despair. Even if your mind works through the problem that caused the crying, because your body is still feeling the physical effects it will cause your mind to revert to the negative state. It's not sadness. It's dread and paralysis. You had a certain feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.

“You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay,” you say between sobs.

"You want me to find you a reason to stay alive or to stay in this relationship? To be frank, I can name a thousand reasons, but it all depends on you."

Max hugs you from behind and you lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was stronger than ever. You allowed yourself to inhale Max's scent, a soothing scent you could get drunk on.

"I want to believe you love me. I mean, I love you and I consider you the love of my life, you know? We are so young and I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, I'm gonna marry you someday, even if right now you don't think you're gonna make it till tomorrow. So, yeah, this is reason number one," he said and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "This is not the worst you have been through in life. Remember where you were 18 months ago; you had no idea what was wrong with you. Now you know and you know you can be better. I know you get sick of those pills, but maybe, in the future, you won't need them. Isn't that exciting? This was reason number two," he said and pressed another kiss to your cheek. He was going to do that every time he would give you a reason. "Have you been to all the beautiful places around the world? Sure, you came to a few Grand Prix, but you never saw Great Ocean Road in Australia, you know Daniel promised he would take us there someday. You never saw Pamukkale in Turkey or Japan in Cherry Blossom season or the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. There are many places you need to visit, baby. So, yeah, this was reason number three. I don't know if you want me to continue but I can give you one more reason. Reason number four. Do it for you, baby. You deserve to live and be happy. I know you can be happy and I promise you I will do my best to help you. You just have to take it one step at a time. You just have to let me in. Let me help you, baby."

You turn around, facing him now. You loved him, with all of your heart. You love him for who he is. You love him because he literally came into your life as your lifeline. You love him because he helped you crawl up the deep bottomless abyss of depression. You love him because he had the patience and the audacity to bear with your depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, your phobias, your mood swings, your temperamental and short-tempered nature, your overthinking, your being overprotectiveness, and possessiveness. You love him because never once he thought of giving up on you in your hard times. You love him because he stands by you like a rock of unwavering support and he’s someone you can fall back on. You love him because he listens to you talking non-stop about your past, your pains, your fears, and your losses without complaining even once. You love him because he rediscovered you and helped you find yourself again when you were lost in darkness. You love him because he filled you with confidence and hope and strength and belief and determination. You love him because he believes you are the best when you set your mind on something and no one can stop you from achieving your goals. You love him because he is protective, caring, understanding, loving, and easy to be with while never being too suffocating or taking up your space. You love him because sooner or later he does everything you ask of him and does with his whole attention. You love him because whatever endeavor he engages in, he likes to give his 100% and hates doing half-hearted things. You love him because he can decode the nuances in your voice and judge your mood just perfectly. You love him because he read you like an open book and he can hear your silence. You love him because he never doubts your loyalty, your intentions, your hard work, and your million issues. You love him because no matter how busy he might get he never forgets that you are waiting for his message or his call. You love him because he keeps you in his priorities. You love him because he gave you a passion you never knew you had. You love him because he very strongly believes that you deserve the best of everything. You love him because he is empathic, kind, magnanimous, thoughtful, and down to Earth. You love him because he has eyes for no one but you. You love him because he wants to see you healthy, wealthy, prosperous, famous and he wants you to hold back at nothing, for no one, he wants you to be a Go-Getter. And most importantly you love him because no one ever loved you like he did.

"I will let you in," you say and you kiss him hard. "I'm sorry for the scene I caused."

"Don't be. It happens."

[thefanficmonster]

Tell Me It’s Not Too Late

(Sequel to Switchblade)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: When is it considered ‘too late’ when it comes to expressing feelings? Is there even a time limit? Is the chance only momentary - is it a second that passes you by with no possibility of returning? All Corpse can do is hope that’s not the case. Cause if it is.....he’d rather not think about that.

Requested - sort of, but not in a typical way. Thank you to all the readers of ‘Switchblade’ that wanted to see the story have an ending that’d lead to a new start. Here it is, guys! Hope it lives up to what you expected. Love you all to the moon and back. 💖💖💖

I end my stream after almost three hours of constant scares. I sigh, slipping the headset off my ears so it’s hanging around my neck. I don’t feel that fulfilling feeling that I’m always met with upon ending a stream. I look at the countless scratches and little holes on the surface of my desk - evidence of the fear and frustration I experience while playing certain games. Not all of them are caused by that, however - Coming home after possibly the most humiliating night of my life, that desk and a few other pieces of furniture suffered my wrath and are now decorated with stab wounds that were a result of uncontrollable rage, hurt, self-hatred and self-pity. It took me a while to put an end to my hazardous, switchblade wielding rampage throughout my house, but the tears didn’t stop until the early morning hours.

I didn’t care that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. That was and is the least of my troubles. The most amount of hurt comes from the fact that I ruined something wonderful for myself. Corpse is the only person I’ve felt this close to all my life and now, due to my own poor decision making, I no longer have him. He no longer wants to be a part of the shit-show that is my life. Especially not now that he knows how messy things get when I show my forever-hidden feelings. I can’t blame him. I know I’d be running for the hills if I were him. He deserves a person who knows what’s going on in their life. Who has themselves and their surroundings figured out. Not someone who has an irregular streaming schedule and catches feelings for her best friend, ruining the friendship altogether in the process.

As I stand up from my chair, accidentally hitting the handle of the switchblade on the edge of my desk. I look down at it and how tightly I’m holding it. I seem to not be able to let go of it. Almost like I see it as my last bit of link to Corpse. The remnants of the connection I felt between us.

Maybe I should return it.

No, that’d be weird. I’d either have to go over there and give it back or send it via mail which is worse. It just feels like a harsh gesture - mailing something so meaningful as though it’s as worthless as the bills people get in the mail. I can’t send it through others, I don’t want anyone else getting involved. The more people know, the more real it is.

I’m aware I’m being both overdramatic and irrational, but you have to understand how much pain I’m in. I can’t guarantee the pain will go away or even lessen if I let this switchblade go, but it’s the only thing I haven’t tried.

Only problem is - I can’t let it go. I can’t find it in me to destroy it or throw it away. A part of me is willing to take the suffering of keeping it just cause it wants to hold on to that little connection it resembles. It’s evidence it existed to begin with. I believe it’s worth the pain. The hurt will go away eventually, but the memories are forever. I’ll look back at the time I had an amazing person such as Corpse to call ‘best friend’ and I’ll have something to prove to myself that it wasn’t a fever dream.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.“ I mumble as I finally uncurl my fingers from around the damn thing and put in down on my desk.

I take the headset off and proceed to head out onto the balcony to light what I call a ‘stress cigarette’. I’m not a regular smoker, but when everything just caves, I prefer to resort to a quick puff rather than grabbing a drink. I can say no to a second cigarette but not to a second drink. That second will then turn into a third and so on. And I don’t trust myself when drunk. I don’t personally know, but I’ve been told I’m rather unpredictable.

For the first few seconds while I’m standing there I don’t notice the pouring rain by some strange miracle. I can only focus on the chill of the breeze and the fresh breath that’s finally entering my lungs. I take a moment to breathe in the cool air before I start mixing it with the cigarette smoke. 

With my eyes closed, I hear more than I feel the rain on me. Storm noises always distract me from the actual storm, they calm me down. However, the sudden loud thunder causes me to open my eyes in a matter of milliseconds. I frown, slightly upset that I didn’t catch glimpse of the lightning that the thunder probably followed.

I’m not upset for too long, though. A lightning flashes right opposite me, creating the most mesmerizing of pattern you can see in the night sky during a storm. It’s so bright, it allows me to see my whole, usually unlit garden perfectly in that second or two it graces the sky. 

Wait

My balcony has a clear view of my entire front yard and all it takes a glance to the left to be able to see the front doorstep. 

Don’t freak yourself out, it’s just a trick of the light

I stay quiet and as still as a statue as I await another flash of lightning, my heart speeding past the point of a healthy pulse and into the realm of a near heart attack. The storm seems to be on my side because maybe a minute later another lightning bolt cuts through the black of the night. 

Sure enough, there’s a person standing outside my front door.

Fuck, what do I do?!

The person doesn’t appear to be moving. They are standing just as still as I am, facing towards the house.

I thank the universe the lights inside the house are off. I turned them off cause I wanted the ultimate scary experience playing that game. The only light is the faint glow of my computer screen which is, thankfully, barely visible. I slowly start backing up towards the sliding glass door, never taking my eyes off the figure that I can just barely make out now that my surroundings have fallen into darkness again. If it weren’t for the lightning I would’ve never been able to see them.

I manage to get back inside, soaked as though I just got out of a pool, without making a single sound. Just to be safe, I shut my monitor off. I grab my phone to use as a flashlight in one hand and the switchblade just finds its way into the other, my fingers curling around it tightly, more on instinct than to use as a weapon. I know I probably won’t be able to stab whoever’s out there.

I tiptoe my way down the stairs where all the lights are also off. I flick the blade out as I hesitantly and shakily make my way to the door to look through the peephole. I let out an unsteady exhale as I look at the the figure who is now standing further away and seems to have one arm in the air, curled at the elbow.

Just as I’m about to pull away from the door to dial 911 another flash of lightning illuminates the yard, the figure along with it. 

Can we go back to it being an intruder?

It’s no intruder, surprisingly - to my dismay. 

I turn my phone’s flash off and reach for the switch next to the door, flicking the light on before opening the door and walking out. 

“I NEARLY STABBED YOU WITH YOUR OWN BLADE!“ I yell in a desperate attempt to be heard over the waterfall of rain.

I can finally see him properly thanks to the light in my hallway. He looks like he hasn’t slept in years. He has his hood up but his black locks are sticking out in every direction from under the soaked material, not being protected from the droplets whatsoever. I read the shock in his eyes, almost like he didn’t know I lived there. He doesn’t make an attempt to approach or walk away from me so we just stand there, in the rain, staring at each other as though it’s the first time we’ve seen one another.

I snap out of the trance he has put me in, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the situation as I step towards him, grabbing onto his wrist, “Come on, we look like drowned rats.” I don’t give him time to react as I drag him inside, closing the door once we enter. “OK, from the top now: Why were you embracing your inner serial killer on my front porch?” I keep blabbering, diverting my gaze to anything but him. “Fucking hell, I could’ve stabbed you! You could’ve gotten really badly hurt! I -...”

“You know, I wish you stabbed me.“ He finally puts an end to my sorry excuse for frustration, I’m aware I look and sound miserable. His voice drags my eyes straight to his, fixing them there. “I know you can’t kill a cockroach on your own, and I know you most definitely wouldn’t even scratch a person, but I wish you had hurt me. Inflict fifty stab wounds on me and you still won’t hurt me as much as I hurt you.“ His hand swiftly pushes the hood off his head, grabbing onto his drenched locks as an expression of pain paints itself on his face. He’s the one diverting his gaze now, “I know what you mistook my silence for and I want you to get that out of your head.“

I wince at the pang in my chest, barely restraining my hand from flying up to rest over my heart, “Don’t humor me, Corpse! I’m not a child and this is not a game!”

“I’m not humoring you. I’m telling you...“ he makes a step towards me, grabbing hold of my ice cold hands, “I’m telling you I’m an asshole that freezes up when it’s least acceptable. I’m telling you I’m the worst at expressing how I feel. I’m telling you I can’t open foil. But you already knew all that. And you still liked me.“ He breaths in, refilling his lungs before continuing his rant, “I know you can be very chaotic. A real handful. A fucking tornado. But I love you. I love you as every natural disaster you represent. And if you could humor me...“ One of his hands releases mine, coming up to push a strand of hair away from my face, resting his hand on my cheek. “...by giving me one more chance. You always let me try multiple times when I stumble over what I’m trying to say. Can you do that, for me? For us?“

I let out a dramatic sigh, rolling my eyes. “If I say yes will you stop showing up like that on my doorstep?“ Of course, my primal instinct is to act tough and cool when my heart rate is once again going at the speed from back at the balcony. The skin of face and neck is red and burning hot. My eyes are rimmed with tears, I hope he doesn’t notice.

“Yeah. I’ll start coming in through the chimney instead.“ He visibly relaxes, a smile dancing at the corner of his lips. He lifts the hand that’s still holding the switchblade, prying it out of my grasp. “No sharp objects, please.”

He drops it in the pocket of his hoodie, finally leaning down to erase any last bit of doubt I have left. This kiss teaches me a lot of things.

Love isn’t linear - nothing about it is linear. Not falling in nor falling out of it. Feelings aren’t digital or binary - it’s not always as black and white as we might want to believe. Feelings don’t just come and go. They are always present, but it depends on us weather they’re suppressed or expressed. We fear the latter cause we fear vulnerability and change. But we also crave the positive outcome we have a 50% chance of getting. It’s a fifty-fifty game, but here’s the thing: if you never express your feelings it’s a zero-a hundred chance that you won’t receive the outcome you’d like.

I took the fifty over the zero chance and regretted it for a day or two. It gave me closure if nothing more. It let me stand under the spotlight and carry my pride on my shoulders despite the tears in my eyes.

My feelings being reciprocated is just another benefit. But no longer being able to call Corpse ‘best friend’ cause he’s now got a bigger and better title is the positive outcome I have been dreaming of. 

He makes it all worth it. He is worth all of it. 

And if I had to go through all that again, you can bet your ass I would.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis

[dilfwaynes]

hi!! can i request a hc of the batfam reaction of their eastasian!reader gf  experiencing racism? thank you <33

just a reminder if you took place in any involvement of asian hate block me rn bitch :)

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this anon, i tried to make it accurate without stepping over any boundaries since im not asian myself. if anyone finds any sort of this offensive pls dm me !!

warning ; racism, batfam beating hoes, mention of blood

parings : bruce wayne x asian!reader, jason tood x asian!reader, dick grayson x asian!reader, stephanie brown x asian!reader, tim drake x asian!reader, damian wayne x asian!reader

BRUCE WAYNE:

it’ll honestly take a minute for bruce to realize what happened

when first entering the store he took notice of the man glaring but brushed it off thinking it was directed towards him as bruce wayne

you however didnt really pay attention to the dirty looks being thrown at you

with bruce excusing himself to the restroom and makes a promise of a quick return, you wander around the area by yourself

it was all fine until a man approaches you, giving a fast glance at him before turning away. there was definitely something up with him

“you don’t belong here”

your head shot up at his words, looking around you to make sure he was talking to you

“excuse me?” you lift an eyebrow at him, knowing what he was hinting at

“you fucking heard me, you don’t belong here. go back to your country.”

you inch away as he steps closer,”you better back the fuck away..”

he simply gives a smug face only coming closer,”or what?” you tighten your jaw when he loosely lets out a slur, your fists clenched.

“or i dislocate your arm.”bruce’s voice rings out, deep in anger as his eyes flicker to you and scanning to see if you were ok physically.

the ugly bitch’s face pales when he realizes who’s your boyfriend. without hesitation bruce yanks him away from you, slamming him to the wall

demanding for a first and last name,  squeezing his neck when the guy stays quiet

shaking he gives in and tells, flinching when bruce slams him against the wall one last time before dropping him

“i guaranteed whatever poor status you do contain i’ll tear it completely, say goodbye to your job.” he grabs for your hand and brings you into him as you both walk away.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have left you alone, my fault,”he presses a kiss to your temple.”and please don’t think any worth of that garbage’s words.”

you shake your head,”he was just some lowlife, not worth thinking about.” you reply leaning into him.

he looked at you and could tell no matter what those words still hurt somewhat and it angered him to no end

no one deserved to hear that disgusting shit, especially not his girlfriend.

his eyes hardens but doesn’t push further to make you anymore uncomfortable than you probably already are

giving another kiss to the side of your head he makes a quiet promise to himself not to leave you alone anymore in public with disgusting people like that around

jason todd:

as soon as the slur leaves the guy’s lips jason’s fist collides to his jaw, no doubt   shattering it

you and jason were grabbing lunch at some restaurant slash bar since it was the first time in a few days jason was free

everything was okay until you got up to go to the bathroom and some guy bumped into you

jason watched with hardening eyes as you apologize instead of the guy who slammed into you

“watch where the fuck you’re going at.”

you fall shock at the word, staying in place

while jason is on his feet in no time, swinging to the asshole’s face

screams were heard as well as the sound of bones breaking from his fist impact, the guy stumbling to the floor

“you racist fucking prick that’s my girlfriend you ugly fuck,”lifting him by his shirt he grabs his face and turns him to you.”apologize to her before i break your fucking face.”

he quickly rambles apologizes, crying in fear or pain. most likely a mix of both

jaaon lets him go and gives him another punch, this time to the nose. finding satisfaction at the pool of blood now seeping out

jason grabs your hand and starts to lead you outside,”let’s go eat somewhere else and forget about this shithole.”

you barely had time to give a reaction to anything as everything happened so fast

“hey look at me, don’t listen to that worthless fuck and his fucked up mindset. i dont know what to say to comfort you since i never experienced anything like this.” he stops at the car, placing his hands onto your shoulders

you nod sighing lightly, you only wanted a simple lunch with your boyfriend but instead got hate crime for simply  breathing.

“it’s nothing i haven’t gone through before,”he shakes his head blue eyes filling up with rage.

“no one’s gonna be doing that anymore, or at least getting away with it while i’m around

DICK GRAYSON:

he was completely taken by surmise at the slur being thrown at you, as well as the fault of you being the root of the covid 19

but before he had any time to react you were already on your feet glaring,”the fuck you just called me you piece shit.”

before he could reply you already kneed him and punched him between the eyes, dick laughing at the cries of pain

“you want me to take over or you wanna handle it babe?”

even how badly he wanted to beat the shit out of the pos the choice was yours

you denied and wanted to handle this on your own

but everytime the guy tried to get up dick would just shake his head and tell him to stay down, or simply push him back down

eventually if you start going too far richards would pull you away and tell you hes not worth it

he understands your anger but he doesn’t want you to past a line you won’t recover from bc of some worthless grime

“c’mon, he’s not worth anymore of our time. lets go eat pizza.”

DAMIAN WAYNE:

swing first talk later

he’ll just look at guy for a few seconds with a blank face

then he’s literally knocking them out

will probably kick him into the wall or ground

u dont know if you wanna pull him away because you already the tabloids, or if you wanna let him continue to beating the guy

damian probably wouldn’t realize how much he beat the guy to a pulp until you’re tugging him away

nudging his neck with to your nose to try and calm him down

he’ll end the fight with spitting on him tbh

your face reddens with anger when your eyes met the racist bitch, enjoying the view of his blood on the floor

“racist piece of shit,” he hisses before finally turning his back brow still frowning with anger

unlike the others (mentioned) he also knows and experienced racism and understands your point view way more

and know bow to comfort you better tbh

afterwards he’ll talk to you and comfort you, as well as opening up about his racist encounters, as well as his mothers.

if you’re still upset about what happened some hours later he 100% offers to beat up the guy again

you laugh it off cos hes serious about doing detective work, finding the guy and beating him to a pulp

you thank him but deny his offer and settle to confiding into him and just telling him how your feelings

STEPHANIE BROWN:

“are you fucking serious right now bitch?”

steph deadpans staring at the girl who called you the slur with ease, going on about how you were the cause of corona and to go back to your country

shocked at the words, hearing all of this before but it still doesn’t fail everytime you hear them

turning to you and seeing the hurt on your face from the word, she quickly turns to seeing red

without a second thought she grabs the collar of the woman’s shirt

“you’re gonna fucking apologize to my girlfriend right now or i’m gonna slam your face into the floor and break it

you stay still, pleased at watching the girl shake in fear under steph as she chokes out a mesh of a shit rushed apologizes

stephanie throws her down to the ground after her third apologize

“are you okay?” she knew you weren’t but asking the question would lead into the stage of comforting you

you nod but go on to tell her that this isn’t the first or last time this will happen, but it still never fails to shock you

she frowns at your experiences and doesn’t quite know what to do to help since she never went thru anything like that

she offers to take you to your favorite restaurant and end the day in wayne manor watching whatever you wanted

smiling when you accept, pulling you in her and pressing a kiss on-top of your head

“dont worry i’ll beat any jackass that pulls any racist shit.”

TIM DRAKE:

i think he’ll be the less  violent one out of everyone

he would honestly be so disgusted and gross out at humanity and how the woman thinks shes superior just because she’s white

if it was a guy saying what was said, then he would probably hit them ngl

but he takes the higher road with the woman, belittling and ending her with his vocabulary

and you’re pretty sure that his words hurt her more than an actual punch would 

you laugh when he compares her built to a buffalo

he then goes on to a more education lean, explaining how skin tone has nothing to do with a person, and she should adapt to modern times and stop being a racist cunt

after he ends it he goes on to find out who she is and email/call her workplace to inform what kind of employee they have

probably also goes on to make sure she wont be hired anywhere else

comforts you alot and and will get you anything you want

prob gets you both milkshakes as you vent to him about today and other racist things said to you

hates how you have to go thru any of this for simply existing

the  incident opens his eyes and he starts talking to bruce about opening a charity for ‘stop asian hate’

would shy away from the press and say you both came up with the fund

u’ll dismiss that rq and tell everyone it was all tim’s idea

all the money goes people got assaulted and paying for any hospital bills or anything needed

[angeloroki]

something more — s. todoroki

you wanted to stop this relationship of friends with benefits, with shoto. before your feelings towards him destroyed you.

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x gn!reader

— request ; @tyunsworld angst college au where shoto and yn used to be friends with benefits but yn is trying to stol this fwb but shoto refuses (no smut pls just some indications)

— genre ; angst, au college

— warnings ; suggestive content, curses

— a/n ; i decided to change the ending a bit, i hope it's ok for you and that you like it anyway :)

you were sitting on your bed, in the room you shared with your roommate. she wasn't there, gone to her weekly dance class.

every thursday and tuesday, at 6pm until 8pm sharp. your friend was very punctual, and that suited you perfectly.

because usually, at that time, during those two short hours that you shoto would come and spend some time with you in that room.

it was never anything serious, just a good time that the two of you would give each other. kisses that were worthless, soft caresses yet devoid of feeling, sighs and i love you's that were deprived of love echoed and echoed between the walls of the university room.

it had started only 6 months ago, at a mutual friend's party. todoroki was the rich boy in business school. classy, elegant, handsome, and a smooth talker, he had absolutely every girl on campus at his feet.

so, you could say you were slightly surprised when you saw him accost you in the kitchen, where you were trying to relax a bit. you had hooked up, the discussion was not forced, one thing led to another - and especially under the effect of the euphoria felt at the very moment - you had ended up in bed together. you could remember that it was the best sex of your life. and yet you had had quite a few.

a bitter taste stuck in your mouth.

the day after that night, he had found your number and offered to continue. nothing serious of course, just something where you would both enjoy each other. no empty feelings. he had used a phrase,... friends with benefits, that's the term he had used.

stupidly, you didn't hesitate. because after all, you were young, and you needed to unwind with classes and all. and it's not like you could fall in love with a guy like that.

only you were so wrong.

you slowly came out of your thoughts to look at the time. 6:01 p.m. Your friend had gone out ten minutes ago, so Shoto should be back any minute.

a sigh escaped your lips at the scenario that was about to unfold.

and yet you were the only one to blame, or rather your stupid heart. or maybe your stupid ease of attachment to people who couldn't care less about you.

you lay down and stared at the ceiling.

you knew his weaknesses, what he liked to do on a sunday afternoon, the things that made him angry, just as you knew every inch of his body.

and how the fuck could you not fall in love with him?

a salty taste comes to your lips, tears. you bite your upper lip, silently. and yet you knew it wouldn't be mutual. and it never would be. because he was simply shoto todoroki.

« you spend a lot of time with that boy, what's his name again ? your roommate yells at you from the bathroom. is there something going on between you or something ? »

the heat came flooding in on your cheeks.

« no... no! it's just that we have mutual friends, that's all. »

« yeah sure ! but be careful though, he's known to break hearts this guy [..]. »

that talk you had three months ago echoed ironically in your head. breaking hearts. and yours, by the way.

you go over the plan in your head. before things get hot, you tell him. all at once, well almost all. you just tell him you want out of this relationship.

and so you say everything without pauses, at the risk of crying in front of him. the best thing is that you remain insensitive.

someone knocked on the door. 6:12 pm, he's here.

« y/n, it's me. » he said in his deep voice, which always made you shiver.

you got up and opened the door for him. a small smile lit up his usually stoic face. as you spent more time together, shoto had managed to get more and more comfortable with you, and that could only warm your heart.

« sorry for the delay, the traffic was heavy. »

he went to sit on your bed after taking off his shoes. a worried expression grew on his face when he saw that you said nothing.

« if you're tired, we can meet again next week. i know it's tiring with exams right now. » he said in a kind voice.

could he stop being an angel, just thirty seconds, you said to yourself silently. in just a few steps, you crossed the room and placed a long passionate kiss on his lips, and it was with great pleasure that you felt him respond with the same ardor. you had to feel it one more time before you put an end to this whole mess.

his lips tasted minty, and they were angelically sweet. addictive, that's what his kisses were like. you felt his tongue asking for permission to find yours. and for a few seconds, a feverish waltz settled between your two mouths.

you felt as if long hours had already passed. and you still wanted more to be added, or for time to stand still. but you wouldn't let him go.

and yet.

you shifted from him. he was a mess, his hair untidy from your hands that had to find a support, his face was a dark red.

a small laugh escaped his lips.

« what's this ? a goodbye kiss ? »

you looked away from him. and that's how he understood.

« what ? tell me something. »

« i want to stop this. I'm not interested in our evenings together anymore. »

you didn't need to see him to understand that he was sad now.

« did i do something wrong ? »

his hand came to yours, its warmth melting you.

« no, not at all. i just want to stop this. »

you knew him now, and you knew he'd try to figure out what the problem was. you just needed him to be angry with you, so your feelings for him, the first to be touched, could surely fade. at least you hoped so.

« it's gotten boring with you. you faced him, your gaze now cold. i've grown tired of you, so find someone else to satisfy you. »

his eyes reflected a melancholy that you had never seen in him before.

« y/n, i didn't stay 6 months with you just for sex... i like talking to you. »

your heart skipped a beat. of course, shoto, as a friend.

« that's not my case, todoroki. you were a good lay in bed, and you helped me forget the stress of college. but that's over now, get your shoes and get out. »

despite your command, he didn't make a move. his eyes analyzed you carefully, before his sigh echoed in the room.

« you found someone, didn't you ? you thought you could hear a little regret in his voice, but why ? sorry, i won't bother you anymore then. i'm happy for you. »

he got up and walked to the entrance, where his shoes were.

« i- no... »

how could he not see that you only had eyes for him ? that the other people who were just accosting you, were immediately raked ? a sincere anger went through your body now. you were angry at him now that he didn't notice your love for him.

« i love you. » you said in a quiet voice.

you saw him stop, his back was to you. fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

« i don't want to see you anymore because i love you. because i know it will never be reciprocated. so please leave. »

he turned around just enough for you to meet his eyes, full of sorrow. a stranger might have thought it was you who had just broken his heart. or maybe you had really broken it ? you'll never know.

« no, y/n. i can try, we can try. it doesn't have to end like this. you're not like the others, i don't want to let you go. »

« i know you can't love me like i love you. don't make promises to me. »

« but i don't want to leave yo- »

the fact that he refused to leave you, to end the relationship, only gave you false hope.

« get the fuck out ! »

your sudden irritation startled him slightly. but he knew you were right.

« i-... i'm sorry y/n.- »

« stop apologizing, it's not your fault. »

« i wish it had ended differently. »

and silently he left your room, leaving you alone with your tears.

your old discussion with your roommate came back to you

« [...] he's known to break hearts this guy. but i have to admit that he's charming, anyway i care too much about my heart and my feelings to make love to him. » said your friend from the bathroom.

« i don't fall so easily, f/n. and stop it, you sound like my parents. you say laughing. »

i wish you would have told me i love you too, shoto todoroki.

[fanficshiddles]

Stitching The Wounds, Chapter 2

Leona was getting irritated at herself. She couldn’t stop thinking about the two Alphas. That she reluctantly found incredibly attractive…

She had felt a spark as soon as they had trapped her against the wall. But she was trying to ignore it. While she had never felt a spark like that before, she had tried being an omega for quite a few Alphas.

But they had all gone wrong.

She just didn’t want to submit to any of them. She liked things being more exciting in regards to sex, more of a challenge. She liked a properly dominant Alpha. One to take full control and take charge, subdue her. But one that would also look after her.

The Alphas previously had given up too easily, or didn’t bother correcting her. She enjoyed being bratty, she couldn’t help it. She liked being overpowered, put in her place... She needed it, even if she didn’t quite realise that yet. Most of the time when she opened her mouth, too much sass came out that would get her in trouble. Even if she didn’t mean to.

There had been one Alpha that was violent towards her. While she expected a firm hand and spankings, she would be disappointed if there wasn’t, being smacked in the face and punched was not something she had been expecting at all. She had high-tailed it away from that Alpha so fast, it put her off finding another Alpha. Plus, the previous experiences hadn’t helped either.

Along with not being able to have children, she just decided she was unlovable. No Alpha would want her. She was a pathetic excuse for an omega.

But the firm, yet gentle actions of Loki and Kilgrave had surprised her slightly. It had knocked her off her game completely when they took her to the pub and fed her. Not to mention the strong grip they had on her arms…

Trying to push them out of her mind, she entered the abandoned church through the back window and went through to the back room, where she had made her home. There was running water, granted it was cold, but it was better than nothing so she could at least shower. And at least she had a roof over her head.

She had been staying there since her parents chucked her out a few years ago, after learning she couldn’t have children of her own. They claimed she wasn’t a proper omega and no Alpha could love her… Well, they were right. She thought.

-

Loki and Kilgrave pulled up in Loki’s car at the address Mrs Stanton had given them.

‘This can’t be right.’ Kilgrave said as he looked at the old church they stopped at.

The Alphas got out their car and looked at the building that was falling apart. Loki sniffed the air and something caught his scent.

‘She’s definitely here.’ He said as he continued sniffing the air.

Kilgrave did too and he could smell the sweet scent of the omega as well. They followed their noses round the back of the church and were able to climb in through the broken window.

After looking around briefly, they followed their noses to the back room and stopped dead at the sight before them. Leona was sleeping on a small, old mattress on the floor, curled up and snoring softly. There were empty sandwich and crisp packets around her and bottles of water. There was some loose change on a table behind her and a small pile of clothes at her side.

Loki looked at Kilgrave, both of them sharing the same thoughts.

They saw the omega there, so vulnerable and alone. Their instincts were screaming at them to protect her. That’s how they knew that she was quite possibly the one for them. How they were going to share an omega, they had no idea, they would need to work it out. If that would be possible.

If she even wanted one of them, or both, that was. They didn’t know if she had felt a spark too or not. But they knew one thing, no matter what she felt towards them, they weren’t going to just leave her there.

Kilgrave walked over to her and crouched down, he reached out and gently shook her shoulder. ‘Leona.’ He spoke softly.

She started to stir slightly, grumbling. But when she opened her eyes and realised there was someone in her space, she panicked at first. She scrambled away from Kilgrave, knocking into the small table behind her.

‘It’s ok, it’s just us.’ Kilgrave said as he put his hands out and slowly stood up. ‘I didn’t mean to startle you.’

Leona quickly recovered and knowing it was those two Alphas, she knew she wasn’t in harms way. So relaxed a little.

‘What are you doing here?’ She huffed and got up to her feet.

‘We came to find you.’ Loki said as he looked around the room, hands in his pocket.

‘Well, now you’ve found me. You can leave. I was sleeping.’ She folded her arms over her chest and glared at the two Alphas.

‘Clearly.’ Loki said as he raised an eyebrow at her.

‘How did you find me?’

‘We went to city hall and managed to get this address.’ Kilgrave said.

Leona rolled her eyes. ‘Typical. Let me guess, Mrs Stanton?’

Loki and Kilgrave both nodded.

‘Don’t you have a home, your parents?’ Loki asked.

She sighed and leaned back against the table. ‘Alright. Look. I was chucked out from my parents home a few years ago, even though I hadn’t found an Alpha. I can’t have children, so they deemed me a worthless omega that no Alpha would ever want. And it seems they’re right. So please, just leave me alone.’

Loki and Kilgrave’s face fell sadly.

‘Mrs Stanton did tell us about an accident when you were younger.’ Kilgrave hummed.

‘So why did you both come looking for me? If you know I’m a useless omega anyway. Not that it matters, you couldn’t handle me.’ She said cockily.

Loki chuckled. ‘Oh, we could easily handle you, doll. It’s clear you need a firm hand.’ Loki said firmly and started walking towards her, so did Kilgrave.

‘You’ve gotten away with far too much for far too long.’ Kilgrave growled.

They stopped a few feet from her, but it was enough for her to have to crane her neck to look up at them properly. She stuck her chin out and tried not to feel the effects the Alphas were having on her…

‘We are taking you home with us.’ Loki said decisively.

Leona’s eyes widened, she laughed nervously. ‘Uhm, no. I don’t think so.’

‘You will have food, hot water, a comfy bed, clean clothes. Why wouldn’t you want to come with us?’ Kilgrave asked, folding his arms over his chest.

‘I’m not stupid, I’m an unmated omega. You two are clearly unmated too… if I go with you it’s probably just because you want me in your bed.’ She hissed.

‘You can’t stay here for the rest of your life. We felt a spark, and I think you did too. Would it be so bad if you did end up in our beds?’ Loki smirked and moved in a bit closer to her.

Leona rolled her eyes. She kept trying to look unaffected, but the scents from both Alphas were starting to cloud her mind. Making her feel a little fuzzy, something she hadn’t felt before. ‘I am not being your omega. Either of you!’

Loki and Kilgrave chuckled at the same time.

‘The smell of arousal that you are giving off would say otherwise, pet.’ Kilgrave said as he licked his lips and grinned.

Her eyes widened and she tried to stop giving off her scent, but it was impossible to do so.

‘We will not standby and leave you here, when there is a perfectly good spare room at mine. Food and warmth. Come back with us, spend some time with the two of us. You might even learn that some Alphas are not as bad as you think.’ Loki said softly.

Leona sighed and closed her eyes for a moment to contemplate her options.

‘Neither of you will try and claim me?’ She asked when she opened her eyes again.

A smirk spread across Loki’s face, he leaned in and she felt his breath dance across her ear. ‘Trust me, doll. You will be the one begging for us to claim you sooner than you think.’

She swallowed hard. ‘Yeah, sure I will.’ She scoffed.

‘There’s a beef stew brewing in the slow cooker, it will be ready by the time we get home. So, are you coming?’ Kilgrave asked as he and Loki slowly walked away from her and stopped to wait for her answer by the door.

Leona took a moment before answering. ‘Fine… Just for a day or two.’

Loki and Kilgrave smiled brightly. They waited for her to pack up the small amount of belongings she had, then they all headed out to Loki’s car.

She was about to get in the front passenger side, but Kilgrave put his hand on her shoulder and guided her to the back door. ‘Ah, ah. Alphas ride up front.’ He opened the back door for her and she grumbled at him before getting in.

‘So are you two like, a couple, or something?’ Leona asked on the drive back to Loki’s.

The two Alphas chuckled.

‘No. We’ve been friends since we were children. I was working abroad for a few years, just returned and I’m between jobs, so staying with Loki until I find something and get my own place.’ Kilgrave explained.

‘What do you do?’

‘I’m a doctor, I specialise in neurology.’ He said proudly.

‘Oh, that’s quite impressive.’ Leona said in surprise as she looked out of the window. Then she looked at the back of Loki’s head. ‘What about you?’

Loki grinned and looked at her in the mirror. ‘I’m a teacher, I specialise in Biology.’

‘Of course you’d both have high authoritative jobs.’ She sighed.

But her insides were clenching at the thought. They were both clearly very intelligent, they would have to be anyway for the jobs they had. But there was something about these two Alphas that were drawing her in more compared to any she had been with previously.

Their scents made her feel safe. It was very strange for her.

Leona wasn’t sure what she had been expecting of Loki’s home. But when they pulled up outside the rather large and fancy looking house, it was certainly not anything like that. She was in awe as she gawped up at it.

Loki opened the door for her and put his hand out towards her.

‘Welcome home.’ He smiled and waited expectantly for her to take his hand.

After slight hesitation, she took his large hand and he helped her out of the car, then guided her into their home.

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end