#and i cant say ive truly let that go either

[pending-trans-action-2]

I FUCKED UP THE ASTARION ROMANCE I CANT HAVE THE TRAUMATISED VAMPIRE ;-;

[rotturn]

every day on this trip is worse

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[sakura-hayashii]

03.03.24 - 3:48 pm

tell me something, anything. tell me that you want me, or tell me if you dont. give it to me straight, i promise that i can handle it, so just stop confusing me. if you truly want me– if you genuinely want to be with me, then im all in. i am willing to give you everything i have. just say it, say anything, please. you dont even have to tell me if you love me, and you dont need to promise me forever. but just tell me that you want to try, just tell me if there is an ‘us’ or even a possibility of a ‘us’... tell me if its ‘you and me’... just tell me. because if you cant, then let me go. and dont even try to put me somewhere in between. you either want me or you dont, its that simple. tell me. please.

- S.H. // things ive never said #21 (via 2amthoughts)

[ultimateloserboy]

i cant go to sleep until i release the thoughts so here they are. im sorry if this is a bit more nonsensical or rambleish than my other ones, im very very tired but anyway

this is going to be a bit upsetting for the lovey-dovey sunshine and rainbows crowd but people give red guy and duck WAYY too much credit when it comes to their relationship (or at least how it used to be) like they DID NOT //start out// functional AT. ALL. they used to go together like a car and a tree. and honestly this makes them even more interesting

They’re both insecure in different areas, and they react differently to these insecurities as well. from what ive gathered, red guy dislikes how “odd” he is. he tries to act bitter and uncaring about everything and everyone, either to fit in with the other red things, or to keep himself distracted or distanced from the world hes stuck in. he distances himself from his friends as well. this is a horrible contrast with ducks outward and open love of his friends (despite how horribly he treats them lmao but i digress) duck reveals in the family episode that despite loving himself, he wants other people to love him too. duck is not necessarily insecure in himself, hes the best one after all, but he does feel very lonely. he feels like nobody loves him as much as he loves himself, like the only person he truly has is himself because nobody else is willing to love him. this obviously makes him feel very alone. this is why red guys denial and dismissal of his friends hits ducks insecurities harshly and directly, even if its not intentional.

once i got to the fridge scene during my first watchthrough i was very confused. firstly because i was utterly flabbergasted that they were gay for some reason (i had never even considered it), and secondly because ducks reply caught me off guard. duck is a very full-of-himself character. so why would he be surprised to find out someone likes looking at him? shouldnt he reply with something like “well yeah duh you big stupid idiot im the prettiest and the best etc etc”?? well i understand now why duck reacted that way. he doesnt get many compliments from anyone but himself, probably talking in the mirror. and he ESPECIALLY hadnt gotten many compliments from red guy at this point. red guy denied being his friend very adamantly. EVEN AT HIS FUNERAL. HIS FUNERAL!!! and yes red guy does realize he misses duck eventually, but duck isnt even there to see it, and when he comes back he finds himself literally replaced?? (like.. red guy ur fumbling so hard right now. fumbling straight into a divorce. and ur not even married yet man. but anyway, back on topic)

slowly throughout the series red guy starts being more open, and whether he realizes it or not his whole uncaring act isnt that good to begin with. my favorite small detail during the funeral is that red guy calls the plates “our plates” without even realizing it, right in the middle of denying his best-friendship with duck. like dude who do you think youre fooling other than yourself!?

with all of this considered, despite red guys poor performance of denial, it’s perfectly understandable for duck to be surprised when red guy openly confesses his honest emotions. an up-front confession of feelings is not something red guy ever wants or allows himself to do, so duck was probably confused as hell.

my favorite part of this scene is how red guy is looking away when he says it, still clearly embarrassed but saying it anyway. this is a HUGE deal for his character. it was a character development that had been slowly growing throughout the tv series, and by episode six i think it was as close to completion as its ever been. he does pull the whole “its fine just ignore it” thing with duck earlier in the episode, but he does it more to calm him down in this context. the fridge scene confirms to me that red guy has almost stopped running, not necessarily from the house, but from his friends. he has finally let himself love them. hes finally let himself admit not just to himself, but to duck, that hes important to him.

this is why i think theyre so interesting, because these two characters are cynical assholes. that’s how becky and joe have described them at times. these characters are not the best of people, theyre both messed up people in a messed up and confusing world, so of course they wont be perfect. but thats the beauty of it. they dont want to hurt eachother, so they try their best to change. they try their best to fight against the cruelty of their minds and surroundings and let themselves love eachother even if only for a second, even if in the end it wont really matter

ok im going to sleep now goodnight

[serenequeenofeverything]

Daily pull-a-card reading

Daily pull-a-card, is a daily tarot reading in which ill pull one card for every group.

Disclaimer: sometimes i might pull an extra card or two that i wont mention but will definitely take into consideration.

Lots of grammar mistakes ahead bc fuck english.

For September 8-9th 2023

Group i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi

i

The high priestess

U seem to be very connected and in touch with ur emotions, you are at ur peak intuition-wise but why do i see you doubting urself? Why are u so unsure? Almost ur not giving urself the benefit of the doubt, actually quite the opposite. You are not sure of urself whatsoever, but im here to tell what the universe (god, the angels or whatever u believe in) wants you to know : you are on the right path. U are exactly where u r meant to be. U are as connected to ur higher purpose as one can be. There is nothing to fear. You are on the right path. Your own path. Trust yourself a bit more.

A song recommendation (which i reallllllllly urge to listen to bc u cant imagine how strongly this came through, U MUST LISTEN TO IT) :

ii

Ten of wands (r)

Let go of it. The burden you are carrying is not worth it, i don't exactly know what it is, it might or might not be important but here's the thing love, you are more important. U r really precious, u truly don't deserve to carry this baggage, it is just weighing you down. So free yourself, love. I know u can do it, you too know too. My bird of paradise, fly.

A song recommendation that i really wish u to listen to:

iii

The world

My god, you are the girl. Darling you ARE THE GIRL. honestly i dont even need to advice u, all im gonna say, you are the girl. you are the one, i truly truly love your energy. Baddest bitch in the game lmaoo.

I said im not gonna advice you, but i cant stop me, so here it goes, STOP LOOKING INTO THE PAST. What's past is past. Fuck him, fuck them, they didnt deserve you. Look ahead so much is waiting for you, somewhere is waiting for you. And this time, they will deserve you. U will watch it begin again, only better.

A song recommendation that i NEED you to listen to (make sure u listen to taylor's version only tho 🔪🔪)

iv

9 of swords

Hey love, listen to me very carefully, YOU CANT BALANCE IT ALL. whatever you are trying to balance, is taking a toll on you. It's too much work and it's fucking you up mentally. It's too much and read to this even more carefully YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Ur only human. Either give one of it up, or just free yourself from both( i suggest this). Life is much more than this situation that you are in. And there's better days to come. But you take this decision. U need to take this decision.

A song recommendation that im certain you already know but i think would a good awakening for u :

v

Knight of cups

He is very close. Nearly here. And my god, ur night in his shinning armor is one hell of a night ( THE BEST INTENTIONS LITERALLY ) . Idk girl what u have been manifesting, but that shit is CLOSE, very freaking close. My advice? Just keep doing whatever ur doing. U r doing good, and u will do even better.

Song recommendation(huh... interesting, idk i got this song, but it came very strongly, so listen u never know what's in it for u) / interestedly three things came on strong 1. "Combat" 2. " they see right through me, can you see right through me" 3. "Cause all my enemies started off as friends"

vi

Page of wands

Oh my god, this was like the messiest group everrr! Here's the thing lmao u got many cards, but it just kept going back and forth but one thing im certain about is the page of wands energy all over you. So this group are just very young compared to the rest, or just not in control of their life whatsoever.

For some i see patents getting divorced, families arguing, not very good home environment. And then there's u, amidst all this mess, the shinning one. U have many goals, you are a seeker and a dreamer, u want more. Im hearing " an art deco, Shining like gun metal" and u want more. U want more for you, u want the light, the fame and everything else too. A hungry soul.

" i want my cake and i wanna eat it too"

My advice? It dont matter. U will do as u wish, no one can stop u nor change you. U remind me too much of myself, i know ur ache.

Your song recommendation? Art deco. That song describes you perfectly.

Anyways now that's over, y'all better follow me, i mean who will do u better than i?

Alsooo u can always submit what u want me to do a reading on next by simply commenting ur subject of interest ( no private readings bro i aint got no time for that)

Anyways peace out, bye.

[quodekash]

ITS ABAAB EP 7 TIME and i am sorry 

warning: lots of happiness, too much happiness. take a shot of water every time i say any variation of ‘HAPPY’. stay hydrated, folks. 

wait what happened to cher? did i miss something? 

i dont remember how the last episode ended so its very possible that i missed something 

awh 🥺

thE BED IS STILL ON AN ANGLE WHY IS THE BED ON AN ANGLE SOMEONE FIX THIS IM BEGGING YOU, ITS GOTTA BE A SAFETY HAZARD 

pls they look so comfy 

it looks like theyve been married for a thousand lifetimes 

so comfyyyyy

rIGHT, THEIR GROUP HAD A FIGHT, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO CHER, I REMEMBER NOW 

YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEAH BEACH EPISODE = PURE HAPPINESS AND DOPAMINE 

THREEZO AT THE BEACH 

WE’RE GONNA GET THREEZO AT THE BEACH 

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO CRY IN ANTICIPATION OF BEACH

i know i already said it like four times BUT THIS LOOKS SO FREAKING COMFY WHAT THE HELL 

THREEZO THREEZO THREEZO

HELLO MY LOVELIES HOW ARE YOU TODAY 

theyre literally in the middle of the frame omg 

little babby 

i love him 

he’s tall but he’s smol 

his HAIR 

LOOK AT IT 

THE HAIR IS SO FLUFFY 

i think my favourite things about this series are jack’s hair and threezo

and theyre both tied for first place 

three’s apology to jack is so freaking sweet omg 

i love him too much 

he struggles with words and communicating but he wants everyone to be happy and he doesnt want conflict and he feels responsible for everything and he is perfection and also he’s either adhd or asd or both, i dont make the rules 

HAPPY

omg his awkward laugh is so cute why was that so cute 

his sweet little ‘hah hah’ 

HIS FACE MAKES ME HAPPY 

HAPPYYYYY 

(damn i did gun/force dirty on that screenshot) 

his freaking face

its making me happy 

this is a happiness overload 

im not used to this much joy in my system 

what do i do with it 

HAPPYYYYYYYYY

dads. 

everyone can see you btw. just letting you know. you’re just standing there, holding hands 

i mean that’s great, good job, not being scared is funky (but its also funky to be scared), it’s just that. you know. if your friends ask questions later and you dont want them to suspect anything then like. it’s your fault. 

altho maybe they dont care if their friends find out, idk at this point 

ignore me

HAPPY

everyone ganging up to push gun in the water. that’s what friendship truly is 

HAPPY

they teleported 

three was next to zo, jack was between cher and zo. they switched. 

hOW?

HAPPYYYYY

THE HAIR

LOOK AT THE HAIR 

they always figure out a way to squeeze it in 

OMG

SOBBING

IM SOBBING

THATS SO CUTE 

HELP

DAMN RIGHT 

his hair is a mess lmao

bRO

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING 

ZOGUN FRIENDSHIP BONDING SCENE OMG HAPPINESS 

he’s known from the very freaking beginning 

before cher even knew 

the gaydar is strong bro 

HIS FREAKING FACE 

HAPPY

HE HAPPY 

PFFFFFFT

i love their friendship so much omg 

(that screenshot looks like hes about to punch him lmao) 

“zo, what is love?” i can feel it, im about to punch a wall or smth bc something threezo is coming 

“what is love for you?” “three.” yUP I KNEW IT OMG IM GONNA FREAKING CRY 

HAIR

FLUFFY FLUFFY FLUFFY ITS SO FLUFFY 

i think i love this man (and his hair) a little too much but its fine 

GJK3BERKJGBVRKEBGR

GUN WHAT THE HELL 

AGAIN, THEY LOOK SO FREAKING COMFY 

well shoot. thoop is mad at cher for being involved with gun. 

good news is: i dont think its homophobia 

it’s just that he doesnt want cher to move on from tian (thoop himself cant move on from tian) and he doesnt want cher to find a relationship because that means, in thoop’s eyes, he’s letting tian go, and thoop cant really deal with that because he’s ✨mentally ill✨

get some sleep my man 

I LOVE HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS 

HES SO FREAKING CARING 

HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIS FRIENDS 

HED PROBABLY NEVER ADMIT IT BUT HE’S A REAL FREAKING SOFTY ON THE INSIDE 

1. ive never seen more serious finger guns 

2. you’re not bi, sir, why are you doing finger guns 

3. finger GUNs 

that is all 

FINAL THOUGHTS: 

if they dont give us a threezo kiss by the end of this show i will scream. 

[violentviolette]

My bad if you've already answered this, but how do you go about not masking around those you consider/want to be truly important people? Like, it seems in my head difficult to go from "polite friendly person who is clearly mentally average and a nice chap" to "Hi names JoeBob, actually I literally cannot properly care about anyone you care about to the extent I know you want, and honestly can't quite care about you to that extent either, wanna be homies? Oh also I've faked like 90 percent of any emotion of showed you, have fun reassessing everything," ya dig?

generally speaking, i dont mask socially in environments where i might make friends in order to just avoid this issue entirely. so like, i mask at work and at family functions, but if i go to hangout with new people or to an event and the intention is to make actual friends, i just dont mask from the start. i feel that helps mitigate a lot of annoyance and also helps to quickly identify people who i know will understand and respect my limitations but if ur in a situation where u met someone while masking but now want to get closer to them and unmask, then its easiest to do it gradually and just be very upfront but not rude. like i think a lot of people underestimate how much word choice can help make a situation less awkward. cause like saying "i cant and will never care about u but lets be friends" is obviously never going to go over well and isnt even very true or accurate in the first place. but phrasing it not so hostile or aggressively is a lot more reasonable, something like "im not a very emotional or emotive person by nature, but people dont really react kindly to that so i tend to overperform emotions when i first meet someone. but once im more comfortable with ppl i tend to mellow out and show way less. it doesnt mean i suddenly hate u, im just getting more comfortable and being more true to my actual self" or stuff like "i dont really have the capacity to care deeply about people i dont know, and even ones i do know and care about, my feelings never reach as deep a place as other peoples. that doesnt mean i dont respect and like u or that i'll suddenly start treating u poorly. its just that my care is going to look very differently from a nuerotypical person"

its really just dozens and dozens of small conversations about urself where u dont lie about it. its an ongoing conversation. usually these kinda come up naturally when ur getting closer to people and learning more about eachother. but u can also sit someone down and have a more formal conversation. like "hey so ive got some stuff going on with my brain, heres how it works and what i am and am not capable of. i like to be upfront about it with people i wanna get closer to so there arent misunderstandings or hurt feelings when i dont react or respond the way ppl expect. i think ur really cool/fun/ect. and i wanna get closer and become better friends so i wanted to have this conversation so we could understand eachother better and i can be more authentic with u going forward"

the biggest thing imo is to frame it from a positive place because it is a positive thing. u respect and like this person, theyre important to u and u want to be genuine with them so that u can get closer in a real and healthy way. but u also need to be true to urself and ur own limitations in order to do that. and so coming at the conversations from that place usually helps a lot. and if the other person is chill and a geuine friend, usually they understand and they work with u. they respect where ur boundaries are and understand what u cant give, while appreciating and enjoying what u can together.

[pumpkinrootbeer]

I am DYING to talk about Alastor. He’s absolutely my favorite, I love sassy little shits, especially when they’re otherwise the picture of manners.

I do think he made a deal with Lilith. They were gone for the same amount of time, he clearly isn’t at full power (wings clipped! Mouth sewn!!) and he at first didn’t seem to like Charlie at all. Sure, she’s powerful, but nobody knew that, especially not her. She annoyed him, but grew on him for sure and how he wants to protect her but can’t since he’s not able to summon his full power yet. Charlie may be able to get him out of his deal, or maybe he thinks she can use her relationship with her mom to convince her to let him go. Hence the favor!

My theory is Lilith asked him to watch over the hotel and possibly to kill Lucifer. She had to get into heaven somehow, and what better way than to betray the man she left Adam for? She sewed his mouth shut so that he couldn’t tell anyone and sent him to help build her daughter’s dream. Possibly also to sabotage it? Although we don’t see him doing this beyond the first episode. Husk clearly knows something, because when he comes back Al specifically turns to Husk in warning before turning to Charlie’s hug.

ANYWAY would love to hear your thoughts!!

I LOVE ALASTOR genuinely its really fun to see an ace character who isn't a robot, or emotionless, or comically innocent. super fun time for me specifically. also quick sidebar, how they went about showing his depth by him literally loosing it was so satisfying and works so well for his character. hazbin baby im so sorry i doubted your writing so onto the theories! i do 100% think lilith and alastor are connected, and i dont think it would be stretch to say she's the one who owns his soul. the reinforced detail of 7 years obviously is a big piece of evidence, along with his hate of lucifer, but her being in heaven reinforces it more for me honestly because of Zestial's line in episode 3 "Some hath spun wild tales of you falling to... holy arms?". imo its either lilith or a character we havent meant yet. (ive seen people throw eve's name around 🤔) now weather or not she wants him to protect charlie and/or the hotel is another matter. its gonna be pretty hard to predict what exactly the terms are and what she wants from him (if anything!) until we get more content. i dont think its really much of a stretch to come to that conclusion and im not not saying i believe it, but im not really sold on it. if it turns out canon i woudnt be surprised tho lol

him hanging around charlie could be her mom wants him to protect her, hence the annoyance he holds towards her at first, or it could be she has status! sure they dont know how strong she is but shes the princess of hell, and everyone respects that to some degree. her side is the winning side! (another side bar alastor actually truly believing in her makes me so so emotionally ill 😭 like he didnt doubt shed be able to rally people. and he lowkey encouraged her with his little shit talk pep talk. mi amor... babito....)

the stitches across his mouth, the way he dances around his 7 year absence, the way he completely switches up with husk when his deal is mentioned could all be unrelated but hazbin doesn't exactly do coincidences. the details are all very purposeful, ever since the pilot, so i do think he cant talk about it.

i also am inclined to believe that he didnt make the deal for his power and the deal is actively restricting it. for one, its more interesting imo. two, the line "once i figure out how to unclip my wings, then i'll be pulling all the strings" he clearly thinks he'll be stronger out of the deal, which sure, could be his arrogance. or the reason why hes so arrogant is because he used to be able to back up his talk 100%. i mean the kind of sheer confidence he has is absurd, he wasnt scared of adam, he wasnt scared of lucifer. he acts like someone who is just not used to being weaker than anyone. part of the reason hed be so desperate for freedom is because the deal is literally a threat on his life. he almost died for them!

tbh not sure if husk knows the specifics of the deal or not, because that scene in the finale could just be alastor being alastor. "haha bitch u thought" type beat. either way!! im pretty pumped for s2 and seeing alastors inevitable downward spiral. beat him up again. also maybe he makes some more friends pretty please

[validmindset]

Unrequited| J.P

Summary: Maybe loving James was a mistake, so you gave up. But he realizes at the worst time.

word count; 554

a/n: This is kind of sloppy, and its my first writing on this account. But i hope you enjoy!

============================================================

He was beautiful, both inside and out. He treated you with so much respect and he was always cared enough to comfort you on your worst days. But he could never see you the way the way you see him. You dont have the read hair that shines in the sun, or the skin that glows all the time, you dont have the outstanding grades or the confidence. You aren't Lily Evans, and James could never love you like you love him. You watched from afar, glad you were in his life but upset at the same time. "you need to move on y/n, you're only going to hurt yourself more." Remus' voice pulled you out of your trance. "i just dont know how to move on, ive loved him for so long." Remus fidgeted with his rings, always a sign he was thinking. "maybe just distance yourself from him for awhile, itll be hard, but you can do it." "you're right, thank you."

The next day you prepared yourself, it was going to be a long day. During breakfast you sat with Remus and Sirius, ditching your spot next to James who was extremely confused. But it wasnt a problem, Lily took over your spot. In fact she took over your seat in every class you all had together. By the end of the day James was more confused than ever. He tried to rack up any reason you could be ignoring him, but he couldn't think of anything. This went on for weeks, and he was finally fed up, it was hurting him. He found you in the library, studying with Remus. Was something going on between the two of you? Why didn't you tell him? Why were you ignoring him?

"What in the hell is going on? Why are you ignoring me? Are you two fucking around? What did i do wrong?" You let out a nervous laugh as he stormed up to your table. "y/n im being serious. Why are you laughing at me?" There was no running away from this conversation, it was bound to happen. "James, its not you, its me. I've been in love with you for years now, but i understand that im not pretty, or smart, or even good enough for you. Im not Lily and i know that. But i cant keep killing myself trying to love you knowing you dont love me back. I am truly sorry that ive hurt you but i had to put myself first." Remus sat in shock, watching the whole thing unravel in front of him. "Im sorry y/n but ive never seen you as more than a little sibling to me. I dont think i can be your friend, or even around you knowing you see me any different than i see you, especially while im with Lily." Tears threatened to slip from your eyes. Why are you so upset? You saw this coming. "Goodbye James."

                                                  5 YEARS LATER James stared at the invitation. He wasn't with Lily anymore and he hasn't spoken to you since the day in the library . Either way he went to your wedding. You looked ethereal, and he wished he was the one saying "I do." But instead he was left wondering why he never gave you a chance.

[thelastkaj]

[thesherrinfordfacility]

The people expecting the Derringer thing to come back and be relevant are the funniest people to me bc if you knew anything about Derringers you'd know that they probably SPECIFICALLY picked that one for Aziraphale because Derringers are absolutely useless. No one with an ounce of common sense would own one, because you'd have to be standing RIGHT in front of your target to have any chance of actually hitting it. And even then you only get like. Two shots. They just look cool to have and can be easily concealed.

Short disclaimer that I've never used a gun in my life, I just know how physics work, I've listened to my grandfather talk about them, and I learned about them in class when we covered Lincoln's assassination. Because the only way Booth was able to actually do any damage with the Derringer was by standing literally directly behind him.

hi anon!!!✨ okay ive stewed on this a while, and let's get into it. ultimately - no, i have no idea how the Derringer thing will play into s3, either!!! i have some knowledge of firearms, but tbh my mental Derringer file doesn't go beyond what you've already said.

now, neil did say in an ask that he imagines that aziraphale picked up a hollow book at an estate sale and found something to put in it (ie a gun, bc of course, why not), or accidentally bought the gun inside the book already, and later got the license to legitimise it. the line that is more intriguing for me however, is "...in case i get into a scrape". this could support that aziraphale either kept the gun for protection, or bought the gun for protection. either way, a deliberate decision was made to keep it when - let's face it - he doesn't bloody need it.

the thing that's bugging me is that i cant think of, nor find, a single literary reference to a book safe/hollowed book for a gun in literature that would predate 1941 - someone may know of one, come shout at me! - that aziraphale would take inspiration from. crowley even says, "you read too many books!" so, if he did come across a hollowed book, why would his mind jump to filling it with a gun? based on this, i think it's more likely he probably accidentally bought the whole thing as a set, and just resolved to keep it and get a license.

aziraphale has so many opportunities to crack out the gun if he truly needed it; the novel mentions the shady people that kept turning up to try forcing him to sell the bookshop, then you have the lockdown video that mentions the burglars (tho, personally i don't fully hold the video as canon... but i know some do), then presumably glozier and harmony came into the bookshop to recruit aziraphale... of course, all instances where the gun was arguably not warranted, but regardless, it literally isn't - he doesn't need a gun to protect himself. ✨it's the aesthetic✨ but actually, isn't it arguably more crowley's aesthetic than his?

another question for me is which book it could be; aziraphale (pointedly?) doesn't say which one. the trope, from what i can recall of other recent literary/screen examples, sometimes will use the bible - it's particularly droll because characters will comedically refer to it as protection, and aha, there's a gun inside! it's used in much the same way that someone will get shot, especially any clergymen, in a film and the reason they survive is because the round is caught embedded in a tiny, concealed bible, or its buried in a crucifix necklace, etc.

so essentially, at the end of all that rambling, im personally no clearer. one thing we do know is that muriel is now custodian of the bookshop, and may likely find it buried away somewhere. it could be very comedic that they might bring a gun to a... miracle? fight, and it basically be utterly useless, but funny for the "you need a license for that!" or similar line. but that's hardly a chekhov's gun of any meaning, right? someone came up with, somewhere, a very funny hc that aziraphale might swap out the BOL with the book containing the gun, which also has potential to be very funny, but im not sure that the BOL is in fact a book.

tldr: i have no idea on where the gun thing could go. anyone else have any ideas?✨

[hella1975]

idk how valuable this is because maybe you showcase your personality differently on the internet than real life etc etc but I meant it when I said you're really passionate and I can tell how much you love things and people and the world and you are funny and kind and I have never once thought you to be cold or unfeeling or uncaring it is very much the opposite to me and some of my happiest moments on tumblr are talking to you<33 don't let your mom and her issues drag you down. she is likely projecting her own feelings onto you and she doesn't know what's going to drive your friends away because she is your mom not one of us. as your friend I can confidently say your personality is awesome I am not being driven away!! love you<3333

i appreciate you saying this <3 like this is really touching for the same reason it's one of the things that frustrates me most about this whole thing, bc the way i am on tumblr with the weird fixations and the rambling and the writing and the humour etc etc - that's ME. that's who i am and people love me on here for it. like even i can acknowledge that somehow im decently popular and it's for the realest version of me ive ever given anyone. like you guys know shit about me that my mum or closest friends dont even know. that's pretty fucking cool! that's so reassuring to know that at the end of the day, the me buried under all this mess is LIKEABLE. but then how do i get out of the mess. in real life i cant get the words out. affection sits on my tongue and it's like i physically cannot spit it out. it makes me uncomfortable, awkward, mean. that isn't likeable. it isn't me either, and that's why when i get written off as unfeeling im just. so so upset becuase im NOT. i KNOW im not. it's only bad days where i truly question it but most of the time i know im not an unfeeling person! im very fucking passionate! i feel everything too much! but no one fucking sees it and it's taking me too long to learn to translate it so im just. stuck here until it clicks one day and it's so so annoying

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

[idealspawn]

throughout my journey on growing as a person somehow the only thing i still havent managed to resolve or find the deepest true cause for is my insecurity regarding my intelligence. every single evidence from outside authorities is screaming in praise and approval of my level of knowledge yet i am filled with such anxiety. i dont know how to not let my high standards lower my self-confidence. i think its good that i do have high standards too in a way but not the anxious perfectionism that comes with it. ive thought maybe im unsure about my competence because i feel like i dont belong. in university since ive had an unconventional route, i sort of lack like a group of coursemates (ive changed universities and now im in like an exchange programme so i havent had and dont have the same curriculum as anyone). so i dont know what i should know and what i shouldnt. like what prior knowledge others have. i dont know where i place in the context. i dont know what is stupid to bring up and what isnt. google also told me that maybe its like the dunning-kruger effect where the more you know the more you become painfully aware of how little you know. i guess thats true. i also in general am like programmed to seek for irregularities (i study philosophy and have a background of doing a lot of things requiring close analysis and pattern recognition) so maybe thats why i only see whats wrong in my work or opinions even if that actually forms a small portion regarding the whole. usually my professors dont even pick up on those things i think are massive logical fallacies and am afraid will fail. i literally only get praise and they are so so so credible too, its not that i get approval from people who dont know any better. i dont know. i have all these explanations in my head but not one of those hits the nail on the head. ive gathered that what relieves my anxiety regarding.. well anything.. is just acknowledgeing it. like cracking the code as to whats the underlying deeper cause that projects itself in this belief, insecurity. but i cant seem to ever get it. i wonder is this too small of a problem to go to a psychologist. right now its not too bad but i actually get like weird intense uncontrollable nervous anxiety twitches and breakdowns from the pure thought of how little i know and what others think of me. im most afraid that they think that i think im smart when in reality im so painfully aware that im speaking on matters i feel i dont have proper knowledge of (yet i must because its an assignment). though i think its pretty apparent that im insecure, at least during presentations or speaking in seminars because of the way i speak (hesitantly). i know that to wait until i truly know sth before i speak is a lost cause. you cant ever fully know anything. and its like. so what if im wrong. nothing happens if im wrong but im so terrified of it. i guess ive tied my intelligence to my identity quite a bit but i dont know if that is it either. i guess you could say i should care less abt what other ppl think but in other areas im so confident and sure of myself i dont know why this is manifest only here. i know im actually quite capable at least compared to some people and there are periods where i do get my feedback on an essay or task and i feel really sure of myself but its a very very small slice of the time. i know comparison isnt proper but its also so necessary and inevitable in my field of study, i cant seem to avoid it. ive genuinely resorted to paying a lot of attention to my looks and makeup that makes me look cute and kind in order to hopefully cause the halo effect that when im silent or say something stupid i get the benefit of the doubt.......... its stupid. but im that afraid :/ of coming across narrow-minded.

[safetycar-restart]

🏍 anon here ive been mia sorry about that. So lots happened in that motogp trippple header, not even sure where to begin

Enea returned! So we've talked dom au with him, after enea truly had a race again did he and his dom just celebrate in a really soft so to say way considering what injuries he still probably had? Like sure sex was most definitly had but can also see post race shower where the dom washes his hair and then after takes care of the hair and pets it? Just happy enea with so much trust?

Bezz is mostly just chilling with his fellow alpha and being a emotional support alpha that he is. He's done very well so perhaps the academy organises a night away for bezz and his love?

Fabio and Marc is both pretty much ouch. Like im not even sure what to write but in a dom au there dom would be telling the respective team to not contact them until next race in like a month and just take care of them. So much softness and comfort and def some sex. Cant remember if we've explored bondage for either, but think it could fit here.

Hope youre having a fabuloys time and give a shout if its any motogp rider i miss on asking about that you want to talk about

I received this ask as i about to write a post reminding everyone that i write for motogp so this timing was fucking PERFECT. I love all these thoughts and you discussed everyone i love talking about!!

ENEA:

I definitely agree that the celebrations would be more soft than anything else. Honestly i think he would mostly just be relieved he's still able to ride? Part of him believed that he'd simply not be able to ride again, and no amount of reassurance could help him with that.

So yeah, it's very soft.

We also said how shocked Enea would be that you actually came back with him and stayed with him throughout his rehab. He thought he would only get to be with his team dom when he's riding again.

This meant that by the time he did get back to motogp, you two are a proper team. He loves and trusts you so so much and he's so thankful so have a dom this kind and caring.

You're so soft with him after races, especially because he's so tired and sore. You mostly just hold him close, sometimes soft sex and always lots and lots of head pats.

I think enea loves being able to switch off after a race? In fact he likes to do that at the end of every day at race weekends? He just falls into you and lets you take care of him, nice and soft.

(Harder scenes do happen too of course, but never on race weekends)

BEZZ:

I NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT OUR POLY!VR46!! For anyone new or needing a reminder: we said that Marco is basically the emotional support alpha of the Academy riders as the rest are all omegas. He helps them through heats and joins nests and he's just so so loved.

But then he meets you, another alpha, and fuck he loves you? He doesn't care that you're an alpha too, he's just so happy. And when the academy meet you, rather than being jealous about you taking bezz from them, they all collectively go 'mine' and now they have TWO emotional support alphas. (i love this verse please send me more on it)

Anyway, Bezz did so well this triple header!! Naturally he gets all the kisses and cuddles from the entire pack. And of course you're there too! I definitely think that the day of his podiums, the entire pack is there because their emotional support alpha did well and so he must be cuddled!!

But then the next day, they absolutely leave you and bezz alone and insist that you two spend some time together. And because they're all little shits, they make you two a nest in your hotel room and leave snacks and condoms on the bedside table.

FABIO:

I'm gonna do the d/s au here.

Firstly, Yamaha fears for their life. They are fucking terrified of you. All of them wince whenever you walk past because they know you're sub is sad because of them.

I think you just had to be very soft with Fabio during the triple header because he was on the brink of a meltdown and literally ANY form of disapproval from you would have sent him over the edge. You just needed to be there for him, offering him praise and cuddles and comfort.

So the moment the summer break starts, you just take Fabio away from it all. I think you'd do a lot of intense scenes with him? Bondage and edging and long term denial and pain play. He spends entire days in subspace, letting you handle everything and finally properly resting.

Maybe you let him wear his collar 24/7, not just in scenes? And when the break is over... he just wants to carry on wearing the collar.

MARC:

I think for marc it's about letting him have fun during the break? Like actual, real fun? Movie nights and picnics and road trips and beach days and so much more.

You kept up a strict regime of intense scenes throughout the triple header, because marc functions SO much better when he's regularly in a deep subspace but now it's the summer break and while he of course still needs his dom, he also needs to be reminded that things can just be enjoyable?