#and i dont even get the weight loss it's fucked up

[kaibaswifey-old]

Fucked up that chronic digestion issues arent taken seriously as a disability. "lol u gotta take a shit" Um yeah and i can end up on the toilet for half an hour, doesnt matter where or what I'm doing. Sometimes i gotta use the bathroom multiple times in the same hour. I get nauseous for seemingly no reason and throw up. I eat "too much" (read: a normal portion) and i throw up. It interferes with my life and it sucks ass.

[timeisacephalopod]

Every once and awhile I like to burst my mom's bubble on something and right now I'm in the process of bursting her bubble on Dr Phil, Dr oz, and Oprah and thankfully these people documentedly suck so hard it's not actually difficult for me to pull up details I remember that if looked up absolutely can be corroborated.

Anyway it's kind of a fun hobby of mine, mostly because I already burst my own bubble on these people (except Dr oz I never liked that asshole I HATED how much he constantly talked about dieting and weight loss, my LEAST favorite topic even now tbh) and it's taken me like 3 years of hint dropping to get here ok. It's been a long time coming 😂😂😭

[maletomboy]

the thing about being literally malnourished when ur still fat is doctors wont give a single fuck

[yoshistory]

its also interesting cause Hope always had a chronic vomiting issue her whole life which vets could not figure out and basically said "sometimes cats are just vomiters" and when i first moved in with my roommate, she got a LOT better (1nce a month vomit instead of daily), but it came back overtime. now that my roommate's gone... she's literally only vomited once this week

[007reid]

hi aine! i love how you write spencer sooo much so i have a short request

i would looove sub/virgin spence where he’s been touch starved so he’s really sensitive and whiny but reader praises him and guides him through it

-🌹

hi rose 🌹 for one of my favorite asks ive ever gotten, i did a horrible job on this one so im so sorry ml 💔and sorry for the wait too...hope this is somewhat worth it😭enjoooyy!!

virgin. spencer reid

pairing: sub virgin!spencer reid x experienced fem!reader. 1k

summary: exactly what the req says

warnings: whining, loss of virginity, riding, creampie, nun too extravagant. yu like the picture?😏😏

"y/n...y/n!" spencer's crying, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes but he's moaning, humming his whines into your neck.

"easy, baby boy," you croon, slipping out of him and slowly lowering yourself on his cock again. spencer's pawing at you desperately, like he's never felt such a thing before.

it's because he hasn't. it’s exciting, being in a relationship with spencer; it’s exciting touching him and seeing him jump or freeze and then melt into your touch. he’s pristine, like a shiny trophy, untouched—touch starved and so unfamiliar to the idea of physical touch or intimacy.

"'s too much," he whimpers pathetically, voice halfway stuck in his throat. "can't, can't--"

"relax, spence," you murmur, pushing back the pieces of hair, damp with sweat from his face. spencer's eyes are squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed like he's in pain or he's deep thought. you're not to sure which one. your hips continue snapping into his. "look at me baby." it takes a while, but spencer slowly peels his eyes open. they're glossy and his eyelashes are wet, and you're listening out for the word from him to stop but it never comes.

"y/n--" he gasps, right as your pussy clenches tightly around him. his eyes close again. spencer's breathing heavily, little hng, hng, hng's falling out his puffy lips. the sloppy sound of skin slapping against skin and spencer's whines and your quiet moans and the smell of sex clouds the room.

"you're okay," you reassure him, voice shaky trying to soothe spencer's nerves while trying to soothe your own. spencer's big and he practically splits you in half, the tip hitting the little button inside you that makes you want to scream without any maneuvering. he's not even trying, propped up against the bedpost as you ride him, hands pliant at your hips, the little slick of your wetness every time you lift yourself from him absolutely filthy. you lift his chin and he falls forward, planting a miss-aimed kiss at your jaw.

"you feel so good," he bambles. "so warm. i love you. feels so good but so much y/n, i--" he moans, cock pulsating inside you. his thumb flicks at your perky nipples.

"'m so full of you," you say, burying your face in his hair and wrapping your arms around him, trying to get as close as possible. "fuck. make me feel so good. my best boy,"

"best boy," spencer repeats eagerly with a soft little hitch of his voice. the tears resume. "y/n i can't it hurts, stomach hurts y/n please--"

you immediately know what he meant, and fasten your pace, hands on the base of his cock to make sure he won't slip out of you. spencer slides into you easily, your pussy stretched and wet for him and his fingers dig deep into both sides of your waist. spencer's moans cease and his hips starts bucking up to you, arms wrapping around your torso and he wouldn't stop talking. "gonna, think im gonna cum, yn please dont stop it feels so good, fuck!"

"cum in me," you coo, feeling that familiar buzz at the pit of your stomach too. "you got it. cum in me spence, so good for me, such a good boy,"

spencer's sobbing as he cums, warmness blooming at your core as he unloads his cum inside you. you follow suit, pressing at the sensitive nerves bundles at your clit, thighs shaking from the weight of your orgasm. spencer's shaking too, tears shiny on his rosy cheeks and you ride the both of you off your orgasms, the sweat on your skin cooling.

spencer's cum leaks outside the puffy walls of your pussy and down your ass when you pull off of him, pressing yourself at spencer's side and curling your body towards him. his chest is rising and his lips are parted. you watch your boy carefully, how his eyelids starts drooping as his breathing mellowed out. you should've saw it coming that spencer reid is the kind of man to get sleepy after sex.

but you've known him for long enough to know that spencer's mind never stops running, not when he's sleepy, not when he's asleep, not ever. "penny for your thoughts?"

he turn to you, smile debauched and eyes like marbles. he throws the sheets over the both of you and find your hand underneath the blanket, bringing it to his lips. "'m so grateful for you yn," he whispers like he's telling a secret. you strain your ear to listen. "so grateful. luckiest man alive. i love you. love you," spencer takes a long blink, and you know he's drifting off. you smile widely, so endeared. he weaves your fingers together. "i'll make it up to you. swear. after this. i swear."

spencer never speaks in choppy sentences, never speaks unless he's got the entire sentence planned out in his head and now he's babbling on like someone whose speech he would correct. amused, you reach out, smoothing down his hair with gentle fingers. "sleep, spencer," you say affectionately. he never needs to be told twice either, apparently, because his eyes flutter shut and he's out like a light, but fingers still tightly intertwined in yours underneath your blanket.

you'll just have to wash the sheets tomorrow.

[icarusredwings]

This has been on my mind for NO Fucking reason so to make it shut up, lets talk about it.

"Why doesn't Wade just do chemotherapy?"

In this essay, I will explain the answer to that question, looking at Germ cancer cells and testicular cancer rates to decide-

Can Wade have biological kids?

Let's start with the basic facts.

What a germ cell tumor?

A germ cell tumor is a mass made of reproductive cells, also called germ cells. “Germ” is short for “germinate,” which means to mature. For men and people assigned male at birth (AMAB), germ cells mature into sperm. Related, germ cell tumors most often form where eggs get made (ovaries) and where sperm gets made (testicles).

[ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23505-germ-cell-tumor]

Testicular cancer.

Most testicular cancers start in cells known as germ cells and are called germ cell tumours. Germ cells in men produce sperm. Testicular germ cell tumours can develop from germ cell neoplasia in situ (GCNIS). GCNIS means that there are abnormal cells in the testicle.

[https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/testicular-cancer/types#:~:text=Most%20testicular%20cancers%20start%20in,abnormal%20cells%20in%20the%20testicle.]

More than 90% of testicular cancer start in the germ cells, which are cells in the testicles and develop into sperm. This type of cancer is known as testicular germ cell cancer. Testicular germ cell cancer can be classified as either seminomas or nonseminomas, which may be identified by microscopy.

[https://www.cancer.gov/ccg/research/genome-sequencing/tcga/studied-cancers/testicular-germ-cell-study ]

Treatments.

At the moment there is not a lot of options, the most common are:

Chemotherapy

Radiation

Surgery

Chemotherapy.

Chemotherapy works by stopping or slowing the growth of cancer cells, which grow and divide quickly. Because of his healing factor, this would probably not work and if anything cause Wade more illness seeing as Chemo causes

Fatigue

Hair loss

Easy bruising and bleeding

Infection

Anemia (low red blood cell counts)

Nausea and vomiting

Appetite changes

Constipation

Diarrhea

Mouth, tongue, and throat problems such as sores and pain with swallowing

Peripheral neuropathy or other nerve problems, such as numbness, tingling, and pain

Skin and nail changes such as dry skin and color change

Urine and bladder changes and kidney problems

Weight changes

Chemo brain, which can affect concentration and focus (serve mind fog)

Mood changes

Changes in libido and sexual function

And last but not least Fertility problems

[https://www.cancer.org/cancer/managing-cancer/treatment-types/chemotherapy/chemotherapy-side-effects.html ]

Radiation.

At high doses, radiation therapy kills cancer cells or slows their growth by damaging their DNA. Cancer cells whose DNA is damaged beyond repair stop dividing or die. When the damaged cells die, they are broken down and removed by the body. In theory this would work a little bit, for about 12 minutes and then he immediately would have all of those dead cells back because while the radiology killed one spot, cancer spreads. Quickly. With his healing factor its MUCH quicker too. All that pain for nothing.

Fatigue

Hair loss

Memory or concentration problems

Throat problems, such as trouble swallowing

Cough

Shortness of breath

Taste changes

Skin changes (such as burning and peeling)

Less active thyroid gland

Sexual problems

Fertility problems

Urinary and bladder problems

[https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/types/radiation-therapy]

Surgery.

I dont even need any sources for this. We saw what happened to his legs when ripped off. They just grew back. And if removing cancer cells makes newer cancer cells? That's useless.

Summary.

Wades entire body is cancerous. Yes. His ENTIRE body. Every arm, toe, and fingernail on this man is cancerous. His healing factor is literally just having rapid cancer growth (amongst other things)

Chemotherapy and radiation will not work on him. Chemotherapy works by killing cancerous cells in order to grow healtheir ones. Except Wade can only produce cancerous cells. Yes, while they are new and much more likely in the very early stages, it's still cancerous.

This being said, there is no cure or treatment for Wades Cancer (that we know of at this time) Its quite physically the only thing keeping him with super hero powers yet still remains even after his powers are taken.

Hate to say it.

I hate to say it but statistically removing older, more advanced cells to replace with newer, less progressive cells (aka removing or ripping off his limbs/ parts of his body so they can grow back as new and fresh) is probably the best 'treatment' Wade has right now. Radiology would work the same, right?

Yes, but A. Not as B. Too many side effects that he he'll have to deal with MORE making him even more crazy and sick. Why would he do that when he can just tease Logan into slicing a hurt leg off and go from there?

Will the treatment help him be fertile?

Realistically, without his powers, he probably would be dead in a week, perhaps less due to just HOW much cancer this man truly has.

Chemo would also make it worse. So much worse, in fact. Both pain wise and his chances at ever biologically having a child.

Result(s) Before the cancer was diagnosed, (66%) 79/120 couples who attempted to conceive succeeded within 1 year. After (Cancer) treatment, (43%) 38/88 couples conceived within 1 year.

[https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(03)00335-2/fulltext]

Testical Germ Cell Tumors are associated with semen abnormalities before orchiectomy. This review shows an increase in abnormal semen parameters among men with TGCT even outside the treatment effects of orchiectomy, radiation, or chemotherapy.

[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4270136/ ]

The way that TGCT affects the sperm is that it's very common for not only lower sperm count (obviously, it's hard to produce when you're fighting an entire body illness) but also changes the shape of the sperm which makes it very difficult to reach the egg. Sperm with crooked tails, double tails, double heads, or even broken sperm have a very hard time reaching the egg (think of it like natural selection) and die off before they get anywhere. If you already have low countage and most of them can't make it?

Well that's much lower chances of fertility.

In the comics.

In the comics, Wade has a daughter named Eleanor Camacho in which he was unaware of because her mother saw his face and ran away in terror. The entire thing is that her mother thought she was going to die and decided fuck it, if im gonna die Im gonna die happy so decided to spend these last moments with wade (who she literally just met- if that aint weird in itself idk what is).

She only ever found him to demand child support, and he refused to believe such a beautiful child could he his given his stance of insecurity and well- Just utter shock anyway, I think. He is right. Eleanor is gorgeous as a baby and as an adult.

(There's actually a whole comic where he's trying to fight death so his daughter doesn't die before him because he "couldn't bear the thought of living without her" so they activate a bomb "with the power of a black hole" and comit death together. It's very sweet)

TLDR

In conclusion.

Yes, Wade can have children, but he has a better chance at being successful if he removes his lower half and regrows it so that its *less* cancerous than before cells, therefore hes more likely to have normal shaped sperm and probably more of it during the process.

No, chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery would not be effective. Unfortunately, the most effective thing for him is ripping his limbs off sometimes.

"Forest- why the fuck did you write this?"

You know... I really don't know. I wanted to become a bio geneticist, and here I am. Writing about some bald guys' balls on the Internet. Siiigghh... anyway. Use this. however you want, I don't even care at this point.

[goatedgreen]

Okay lets analyse this one for realsies. Im gonna go through each character in this tweet and go through reasons why i think they either would or would not be crying first, then im gonna put them in order of who survives the roast sesh.... join me on this wonderous journey.

Let's start with Atsumu.... where to even fucking begin. sorry to the Atsumu haters but i truly believe he would not be crying first. First of all he has known Osamu since he was born and while Osamu is the "nice twin" the bar is truly in hell and that motherfucker is mean to one person and one person only and that person is his twin brother Atsumu. This mfer has been conditioned since birth to roast and be roasted. Not only that but this guy was CANONICALLY hated by everyone in his middle school, and his only reaction to that information was "So?" HE DOES NOT CARREEEE. And, I will say, while the other characters shown here are bitchy, they usually target people in petty ways that make fun of their skills (with the exception of Daisho who would probs call Atsumu a single loser but he'd likely just get annoyed by that not cry) and Atsumu knows that his skills are too good for anything they say to hold weight., He has the ego the size of the fucking gym. he's fine.

TSUKISHIMA on the other hand.... dare i say it not the strongest contender ... I dont think FIRST. but this guy is wayyyy more sensitive to criticism than people generally give him credit for. LIKE YES BEFORE YOU JUMP DOWN MY THROAT, he absolutely has the whole "keep booing me it only makes me stronger" thing going on in the Inarizaki game BUT YOU FORGET SO QUICKLY how absolutely insecure this guy is. until yamaguchi kicked his ass into gear in the training camp, he was of the impression that trying to get better at something he enjoyed was fruitless because there was always going to be someone better than him. Someone insightful like Oikawa or Atsumu would def be able to pick up on that insecurity and target him for it. I think his strongest talent is of course provoking people so much that they cant see how much they're affecting him, so he gets a lot of points for pettiness that would keep him from crying first because theres no way he's gonna LOSEEEE to someone like Daisho or Oikawa. BONUS POINTS on his behalf though is he was the only one on the team at the end of season one who WASNT CRYING about their loss. And i think the only one on karasuno who we havent seen cry (as far as i can remember).

Now listen.... fanon Oikawa is for sure crying first because for some bizzare reason people characterise him as a pushover twink. Canon Oikawa told USHIJIMA to remember his worthless pride so he could crush him in the future. like... he's kind of taking names a little. i'll allow him a small slay for his efforts of being a bitch to Ushijima. Oikawa is SMARTTTT and has a lot of emotional intelligence, so can for sure target people's insecurities with pinpoint accuracy. He doesnt get SUPER easily riled up when he's "in the zone" and only lashes out when he's backed into a corner. he hangs out with what is probably a team of people scientifically designed in a lab to HUMBLE HIM DAILY, so he has built up somewhat immunity to being insulted and targeted for bully behaviour. LOSES TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF POINTS for being kind of a sore loser and someone who FOR SURE cries when angry or frustrated.

Daisho.... why is he even here (sorry to those who love him). Listen... this guy is petty, and he lowkey cheats, and he takes immense joy in riling people up for shits and gigs... BUT WHYYY IS HE HERE LMAOOOO. to be honest, i dont think he would cry first purely for the fact that he doesnt know these other guys well enough to really gaf about what theyre saying to him. on the other hand, that makes him kind of an easy target because he's so irrelevant to these other guys lives that they could probably make him feel like shit for that reason only. he gets bonus points for being the only one in a canonical relationship (oikawas girlfriend we never meet that he broke up with doesnt count, in fact it loses him points).

WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID. the final order i think is, Oikawa goes out crying first, not because he's upset but because he got sooo fucking mad at Atsumu's unbothered behaviour he had to leave and he was angry crying while doing it. Daisho is next because Tsukishima said some shit like "bro who even are you lmaooo irrelevant ass" and he remembered he sucks at volleyball and got upset, he's okay tho bc his gf is there to comfort him. Atsumu cries next but not because of anything Tsukishima says, he just gets so fucking bored of Tsukishima not giving him interesting reactions to his jabs that he starts doing weird shit like standing on his head and he ends up hurting himself and crying because he is a big baby. Tsukishima is the last one standing .

...

That is of course assuming that Oikawa doesnt kill them all first with his Super Triple Homo Spin Serve that killed all of Karasuno. People forget so quickly that he is the most diabolical anime villain of all time...

[artdcnaldson]

some gross nasty here for u (hope ur feeling ok btw, lmk if theres anything i can do)

dom art. and i dont mean like, sweet dom art, im talking ab mean art! like it's a mutually destrictive situation - he's married, you're his fucking babysitter for fuckssake - but tashis cheated on him again, and he’s pent-up and hes angry and hes stressed. and right now, the only place he has any semblance of control over his own life is the bedroom. his own dirty little secret. and you're drowning in college debt and more than stressed, yourself, and it feels so, so good to give up and give someone else the reins for a while, to throw up your hands and say, im off. just you and art. well, his cock, anyway. and if he slides you a little more money here and there to help with the bills, well, it's not like him or his wife will miss it !

art manages to keep it secret from tashi. somehow. in fact, when you're alone with him in the hotel, cross-legged on the floor watching 'encanto' for the hundredth time with lily and singing along, he can almost pretend it's you he's married to, you he wakes up to in the morning, you who raises his baby girl. but that's ridiculous, because try as he might to feel anything other than lust for you, he can't. his heart belongs to tashi, belongs to the heavy metal band on his finger. and all those sweet domestic fantasies inevitably give way to his true desires - you he bends over the kitchen counter, you who kneels before him after practice, you who he fills up with hot cum whenever he needs. and he knows you don't feel anything remotely sweet for him, either, because sometimes you're unavailable because you're on a date, and because to you, art donaldson is a risque fantasy, a way to get your rocks off, and a fat check.

and that was fine. its was totally okay.

until fucking patrick came back. and suddenly, after new rochelle, patrick's swinging around all the time and you two can't just sneak off like you used to because while tashi can be preoccupied with brand deals and press tours and media circuts, patrick has nothing better to do than to follow art around all day. you don’t care, you're just salty about the loss of your dick appointment and the pay.

once, you get close to catching them. you can hear it - patricks short, staccato breaths, the low rumble of his groans, and art. art, unlike anything you've ever heard before, art, undone in a way you didn't totally suspect was possible. art, whining into his pillows, practically begging for it-- you pull away from the door. take your hand off the knob. step away, and send a stray toy of lily's rolling. clattering. you freeze. the sounds stop.

then, art, cool as ever, the commanding tone you're painfully familiar with, "come on in, baby, i know you're out there."

it's how you end up between them. it's how patrick finds out about arts dominant streak (he thinks it's hot, even if hes much more of a brat than you are, and art enjoys knocking him down a peg). more accurately, it's how you end up beneath them, begging for them to just take you both. art orchestrating the whole thing, telling patrick when to put his dick in you, where and when patrick is allowed to cum, that he can't finish until you have, at least twice. on his face/fingers, then on his dick. patrick has to wear a condom though. even if it doesn't mean much, you're still art's.

-kit ♡♡♡

You ate <3 Soemthing is soooo yummy about being used by Art and using him back <3 Nothing more than a paycheck and a dick for you to play with <3

You’re so sexually pent up by the time you walk in on them that you’d have gotten on your knees and begged to join if Art hadn’t instructed you to. It’s annoying, how domineering and commanding he can still be while taking Patrick Zweig’s dick in his ass.

That first time, you’re beneath Art— you let him bury himself in your pussy. Each time Patrick thrusts, it sends Art pushing deeper into you. It’s heavy and hot beneath Art’s body weight, and you just lay there and take it. Watching Patrick from over Art’s shoulder, smirking at him as he reduces Art to fucked-out moans and whimpers as he gets closer and closer. You think it’s crazy— you never get Art like that, you get Art all possessive and intense, not malleable and needy.

When Art cums, you have to finish yourself off— it was more about him than you. Patrick watches your fingers move between your thighs, rubbing at your clit as he continues to fuck into Art and chase his finish. You cum first, and you look so fucking pretty that he can’t help it.

Patrick likes you. Art likes you. Art likes Patrick. Patrick likes Art. But Art isn’t going to let you and Patrick be together alone. He’s no crazy, you’re his plaything, his employee. So he directs Patrick’s fingers, mouth, cock, all with the express purpose of pleasuring you.

There are no secret whispers, no chemistry he can’t see. Just Patrick listening to Art’s commands and you falling apart on the brunet’s tongue, on his cock. When you finish, you go and curl up against Art and thank him like he’d done it. You tell him you’ve missed him and he smiles affectionately, like he would smile at a cute pet doing a trick for him.

@gamesetart

[stevie-petey]

I HAVE A BLURB IN MY BRAIN

Steve having a dream about him and bug being together. Like they're being cute and lovey towards each other then just as they're about to kiss he wakes up😭 it doesn't matter which season!

oh this is SO season 3 steve coded its insane

enjoy <3

"youre going to get me in trouble." steve whispers against your ear, and he grins when he feels you shiver at the sensation. he hums, pulls you into his chest, encases you into his arms.

"but im cold," you manage to breathe out, sliding your hands underneath steves uniform and giggling when he winces and jumps away. "warm me up, honey."

youre smiling up at steve with the glint in your eyes that makes his knees weak. he was supposed to clock in ten minutes ago, but you had tugged at his shirt and demanded he stay with you. now your nails dig slightly into his skin and his stomach burns intimately at the sensation.

and yet you smile up at him innocently, completely aware of what youre doing to him, and steve has never been so in love before.

"angel," he drags you back into his arms and buries his face into your hair, groaning. "robin will kill me if im late again."

"are you denying your girlfriend the warmth of your body?"

"its june!"

you tilt your head up at steve, eyebrows scrunched together despite how much youre enjoying this. steve is like putty in your hands right now, he knows that with one single scrape of your nail, you could make him beg for you, and he loves that you know this, too. with a pout, you stand on your tip toes so that your nose presses against his. "still cold."

steve bites his lip to stop himself from biting yours. "angel-"

"please, honey?" you bat your eyelashes at him, and hes so intoxicated with you.

looking over at the cash register, steve doesnt see robin, so he risks sliding his hand down to the curve of your lower back, just above your ass, and presses your hips against his. you gasp at the sensation, there isnt an inch of space between your bodies, and yet steve wishes he could be closer to you still. "is this better?"

"i dont know," you press all your weight against the boy, steve relishes in the way your legs intertwine with his. you remove one of your hands from under steves shirt and bring it to his face, now skimming a nail from the crest of his cheek down to his lip. "my lips are still feeling pretty cold."

steve bites back a moan, youre going to be the death of him. using the pad of your finger, you tug at his bottom lip, and all steve can think of right now is how to draw your hips even deeper into his.

seeing his reaction, you giggle. "still with me, honey?"

"yes," steve manages to rasp out, his throat suddenly dry. he slides his hand further down, now resting it on the curve of your ass, and he smirks when you let out your own small pleased sigh. "im right here."

"then kiss me."

the frustration in your voice is adorable, and steve cant help but chuckle at it. he cups your face with his hand and tilts your head up once more. your eyes meet his, theyre blissed out and he can see the love you have for him within them, and steve cant believe youre his.

he leans in, he takes his time as he slowly takes you in. when steves lips are finally, finally about to capture yours between them, a loud ringing infiltrates his head.

"fuck!" steve is ripped from his dream, cruelly and suddenly. in his moment of dazed confusion, he kicks wildly and almost sends you flying off the bed.

its only when he frantically catches you that he realizes it had all been a dream. he fell asleep in your bed last night after comforting you, and now hes holding you by your leg as you dangle off of your bed, and steve wants to scream.

your lips still burn his.

"fuck! sorry!" but steve doesnt have time to mourn the loss of them, he has to get to work and youre half asleep next to him and havent thrown him out yet.

for now, steve can only hope that he'll dream about the kiss again tonight. like he has every night for the last two months now.

[dollwritesarchive]

Dio's definitely the type to be like "just the tip" and then it straight up turns into noncon because hes a meanie like that. His excuse will probably be something along the lines of "you're just too cute I couldn't resist" 😳

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!joestar!reader, noncon, stepcest ( kinda ? adopt-cest?? if there’s a better term for this let me know? ), dio calls reader baby sister and little sister, loss of virginity, mean!dio, size kink, suggested abuse ( emotional and physical ), blackmailing, all characters featured are 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ IF I DONT WRITE FOR DIO AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH I WILL PERISH. do not repost or translate. please reblog && leave feedback. thanks for reading < 3

“Dio, don’t—“

it was all you could manage to blurt out before his large hand clamps over your mouth, muffling your protest to being bent over the dining room table. now, you could hear nothing but his heavy breathing in your ear, and the clinking of tea cups against their saucers as you struggled and pulled at the tablecloth. you’d knocked one over already, and stare at the steaming, amber liquid staining the pristine, white cloth. you would be in trouble for that later.

“Shhh, shh, sh.” Dio squeezed his fingers tight against your lips, but his other hand was grasping wildly at your skirt, wrenching it and your slip up to toss the flowy fabric against the small of your back before grabbing a fistful of your cotton panties. “Didn’t I say that I’d be nice if you were good?” he had said that, however Dio’s definition of nice simply meant that he wouldn’t twist your arms behind your back, so tight that he might break them, until you gave in and kissed him even though you would beg and beg him not to. or, that he wouldn’t sit on your chest, pinning you to the ground with all of his weight so he could fuck his fist and cum on your face while you cried.

it wasn’t a one time thing, no matter how many times you told him you didn’t want to do this with him, Dio was much bigger, much stronger, and much more cruel than you. he’d do and say anything to keep you as his little toy, even going so far as to threaten to tell your father and brother that you were sleeping with him. on the days he blackmailed you, you were always relatively compliant. you let him use your hands like his own, or let him grope at your ass while he did it himself, and you tried not to cry too loud, lest he get annoyed and get rougher with you.

instead of jerking the lingerie off of you, his thumb presses against the fabric, prodding your netherlips to part around the pad. “What I needed was a little help from my baby sister, I was suffering. Couldn’t you tell?” Dio croons when you blindly stomp at his feet— even if you managed to clip his toes under your heels, you weren’t strong enough to do any real damage against him. “I told you what I needed, no? It wasn’t that hard, just ‘drop down on your knees, close your eyes, and open that pretty mouth of yours. I’ll do all the work.’”

bucking back against him in hopes to wriggle free, you’re reminded of just how solid he was; big and immobile. it was like slamming yourself back against a brick wall, one that pushed itself into your shove and forced you back on to the table. “But you couldn’t even take the whole head in your mouth, could you? Crying to me that it was too big and you were too nervous. You didn’t want to choke on it, did you?” you shook your head, trying to scream against his palm that you didn’t want to do this— it was wrong, but your words were so muffled and jumbled that even if he was listening, he wouldn’t be able to decipher them. “You didn’t want to get caught sucking my cock, either, right? Well, don’t worry, little sister, nobody’s going to see you suck cock.” he pulls you up by the grip on your face, until his breath is heavy against your cheek, his other hand pulling your panties halfway down your trembling thighs. “If any of the kitchen staff happen to be eavesdropping, or if your father and JoJo return home early from their trip, they’re going to see me stretching your little cunt over me instead.”

both hands immediately flee to claw at the one he has clamped over your mouth, desperate for a chance to speak, a chance to plead with him. Dio knew you were a virgin, and he liked that. a lot. deep down, maybe you always expected something like this to happen, but now you were facing it, and you were terrified. if you knew Dio as well as you did, he wasn’t going to be gentle. guiding the crown of your head back against his pectoral, your eyelashes fluttered as you realize you’re screwed into a position perfect for looking up into those devil ruby eyes of his. just like he wanted. “There, stay right here and look up at me. I wanna see those pretty eyes get big and watery when I put it in—“ you squeal in opposition, shaking your head back and forth, trying to grip the skin of his palm in your teeth.

Dio shoved his lower body against yours harder, using his hips to pin you in place against the table so you couldn’t squirm too much while his hand flees from your panties to blindly undo his trousers, scoffing when you get even louder, even more restless and dig your nails into his arm, “Don’t be such a crybaby,” he purrs, grasping his cock at the base once he’s shimmied his pants down enough, and guides himself to rub his tip against your folds. you were slick and warm, and he groans, worming the head inside against your body’s resistance, “I’ll just give you the tip, nice and easy. I promise. Now, stay still and let me stretch that cunt.”

his lips find your forehead, smirking against it as he forces your body to stretch open around the swollen head of his cock, and your eyes widen and well up with tears just like he predicted, one helpless whimper reverberating in his hand. “Ahh,” Dio moans against your temple, letting go of himself once he was inside, grasping a handful of your ass instead, “How does that feel, little sister? Doesn’t it feel good to take your first cock?”

you squint as you look up at him and whine, pressing your wet and clumped lashes together to keep your tears from escaping your eyes— it wasn’t that it was incredibly painful. Dio was sizable, but if you’d been more prepared with foreplay, this might’ve even felt good. you knew that, but you also knew that Dio didn’t care. he never cared if you liked it, only that he did.

but his eyes are fixed on yours, reading all the hate and fear in them, and it only turned him on more. it only made him want to hurt you more. his grip on your ass tightened, nails digging in until you’re squirming, and he pushes his hips forward, breaking his lousy promise by shoving the remaining inches into you. you should’ve never believed that he would have so much self control, but the overload of cock has you screaming against his hand, your thighs vibrating when he bottoms out. “I’m sorry, baby sister,” he pants, dragging his open lips over your forehead, “but you’re just too tight. You look too cute trying to handle the tip, you’re making me want to fill you up and watch you break. I can’t resist,” Dio pulls back only to ram himself back into you, hilt deep, over and over again, falling into a mercilessly deep and hard rhythm that had you sobbing, knocking dishes off the table as you scramble for something to hold on to. “you’ve made me this ravenous. This rough. You’ll just have to be a good girl and take it until I cum, won’t you?”

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[funsize-cenobites]

Mihawk-Brain-Eating-Syndrome has seized me with such a gorilla grip I am losing my fucking mind so I guess we're doing this.

The post that started this whole train of thought came from @manofbeskar who's Mihawk thoughts, Mishanks heartwrenchers, and absolutely gorgeous art are so inspiring I feel chewing-on-the-doorframe feral every time I check their blog.

So.. thoughts of the day that Im just tossing into the void to get it out of me because otherwise it will fester inside me and make me ill:

Mihawk has a complicated relationship with vivre cards. Despite his best efforts to keep the world and everyone in it at arm and Yoru length he does manage to keep collecting bits of them though.

Not many nowadays of course, its a rather intimate affair after all; to have someone give you a literal piece of their life so that you may always find them no matter where in the wide seas you may be and that you'll be the first to know should they leave that world entirely. Far too intimate. It feels too obvious, too heavy handed, too much like handing him your heart and asking him to carry it. Such a thing is heavier than any blade and all the bloody deeds he can never truly wipe from the steel.

Its gentle and vulnerable and human, all the things hes convinced he can play at but never truly be again.

But I imagine at the start of his journey he was a touch more open, perhaps accepting his first from a mentor as a parting of ways. Though he didn't yet have one of his own to offer in return. Strange how a simple piece of card in his palm could feel like an open door. Always there, inviting him home. Always there, until it wasn't.

He will never forget the first time he felt one burning away into nothing in his hands. It went up so quick.. he had no idea it could take less than a minute to burn a home.

Then perhaps he found a crew, a more tangible place to nest and he suddenly had more vivre cards than he could tuck away on his person in a timely manner. Perhaps it became a ritual of sorts each morning, a part of his routine to tuck each one away. The captain, vice captain, and the rest of the specialists lining the inner band of his hat while the rest of the crew were individually squirreled away. A meditation, grounding and quiet. He would use it to remind himself of his role as the crew's swordsman, as their protector.

How could he forget the sharp sear of each individual card burning away, stuck close to his skin by waterlogged clothing as he dragged himself ashore gasping and choking on sea and blood and smoke. Having been left by marines that assumed he would drown because- perhaps pointed out by one that had deceived him, made Mihawk believe they were his friend to be led back to his family:

"No freak like that could exist without having eaten the devil's fruit."

How could he forget the embers escaping, dancing in the evening gloam like fireflies swarming around him? There were so many.. now there are none and gods he's been so empty since. How could such a small piece of paper take so much of him? To kill a man with a blade, even butchering him inelegantly, would be a greater mercy so long as he was dead.

Nowadays Mihawk knows better. Knows better than to trust or be trusted. That blades might chip and tarnish but they dont burn, never completely.

Yoru hums and sings in his hands as he wields her and she does not feel like home.. but she feels solid and eternal and cold. She will never burn. Her weight is bearable.

Impersonal.

Professional.

Yoru makes death an art in his hands. She is the brush not the paper, spattering fireflies over a night sky.

. . .

For years after, he kept far from others. Deciding to never get so close to anyone ever again. Safe in the knowledge he would never feel the burning sting of loss nor the cold cut of betrayal so acutely. Trust was a double edged blade, perhaps the only one he truly couldn't handle.

He was no protector.. so he wouldn't try to be.

Instead Mihawk would hunt. Chasing the marines mercilessly. Cutting a bloody path through their ranks and burning their fucking fortresses to the ground. At first they spoke of him as an insane lone swordsman, then a one man army, then a monster, a demon. The relentless yellow eyed freak that stalked the seas and nightmares of future vice admirals.

He systematically killed all those that harmed him. A shadow over the shore, a rogue wave swallowing their ships, a curse of vengeance come to reap. He destroyed all the records of his crew that he could get his hands on. If he must be cursed to slowly forget them over time, then the world government didnt deserve their memory either.

And so on it went for a time. Long enough for the hunt to lose its luster. Slaughtering sheep by the herd in search of a rare wolf.

Mihawk had almost forcibly forgotten about Vivre cards as a concept. His own remained untouched, never moving from where he hid it. He had no friends, no family, no nakama. Only a dwindling list of worthy foes to test himself against.

Until the day the king of pirates died. Until their golden age truly began.

Until he met Shanks, who held out a hand and asked him to step out of the monochrome past and into a thousand possible vibrant futures. Ones of lush reds and glittering golds, of polished onyx black and the purest, deepest blue.

.

"Here," Shanks said suddenly one night, holding out a small scrap of paper. The both of them were perched atop the ruins of a high sea wall on some remote island, enjoying the cold breeze from the north after a hard fought duel.

Mihawk, for all his composure, blanched. "What is that?" He knew and he did not take it.

"What do you think it is? Its a piece of my card." He said it so simply. Like it barely occured to him how precious such a thing was. Shanks didn't drop his arm, even as the silence stretched out between them.

"No."

"Come on, Takanome- Dont be like that! We're nak--"

"Rivals." He cut the younger man off abruptly. His chest felt too hot and too tight, burning and burning and, "We are rivals, Akagami."

Shanks must've been pouting, he could hear it in his voice, "Even more reason for you to take it. We could duel every day if you could always find me~ Come on.. Please? I want you to have it."

"...."

Hawkeyes glanced at his best friend rival and immediately regretted it. Shank's face was always full of so much hope, so much faith in... something.. It made Mihawk's heart catch in his throat every time to see those big earnest eyes staring at him almost as if, for a moment, it was faith in him.

"I don't know if I can give you mine.." He murmured. Shanks smiled soft, a little sad, and infuriatingly understanding without needing to know anything.

"I dont need it. I know you'll always find me." He pressed his heart, his home the scrap into Mihawk's palm and closed the swordsman's fingers over it. "And if I need to find you.. I'll just ask the wind."

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIIII FINALLY BACK THINKING ABT. GRAYSCALE WIBBY.!!!!!!!!

actually i'm. more gonna b thinkign abt like canon wiwi in worm terms bc i hav.e. fucking. NO clue how grayscale arc will translate and i'm genuinely thinking i gotta revamp his entire powerset maybe but we'll see!! i'm SO so so so excited to get ur essay on it………

anyway. new haven wards at least a 7 or so!!!!!!!!! they could fucking kill people very very very easily!!!!! they are genuinely terrifying & they r teenagers!!! clingy sad teenagers who it would take several other capes and a ton of armed soldiers and maybe like a tank to bring down!!!! a big part of my reasoning for this & them being insanely fucking op is like… they're the heirs to the triumvirate-equivalent!!! they're out here being hand picked & groomed for the roles of shit like "level cities" and "throw yourself into leviathan" and "fight the slaughterhouse 9"-- they have to be. so scary and have so much on their shoulders & also be fucked up teenagers. to me. i feel incredibly normal about this btw. also i'm sure they all feel so normal about this i'm sure grayscale wiwi sees so much protocol being enacted because of him & feels normal about it!!! im sure people love having his powers used on him and think he's cool and great and not a sick twisted fuck!!! im sure everyone's reactions to him r awesome and have a good effect on his psyche!!!! (also i have. thoughts. on like. vigilante or rogue nhw. head in hands.)

anyway anyway anyway. BACK TO WIWI. I AM PUTTING HIM AT A 9 OR 10. THIS IS. MMM. DEFINITELY WEIGHTED WITH A CONSIDERATION TO THE PANIC AND COLLATERAL DAMAGE VARIABLE. it is genuinely fucking insane to me that william wisp can create perfect simulacra of people that are such close and perfect imitations people Can Not Tell Them Apart. and also that he can create and control MANY SIMULTANEOUSLY. WHILE BEING A DISTANCE AWAY FROM THEM. and they can ATTACK YOU. even more fucking insane is that he can do it with the environment too & can create illusions that massive without anyone even noticing??………. like. just. think about it for a second. grayscale arc is literally already worm world but think about the fucking shit someone could do when they could create such visually perfect copies that no one can tell unless they touch them or he fucks up somehow. think about the shit he could do by faking an entire environment or explosions or anything else perfectly. literally going insane thinking about this & how well it's used in grayscale arc & fucking imagine if that's just. what he did every day!!! god. anyway everything u say about wibby causes me such immense pain i cannot stop fucking thinking about "what do u think he'd do if he saw civilians being evacuated because of him". head in hands. this is literally so incoherent btw sorry but like. wiwi................

GOD. DUDE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY IN REGARDS TO WIBBY BUT I CANT TELL YOU YET. GOD. i feel really normal about wibby and david. they have a normal and healthy sibling relationship (<< me when i lie)

i would suggest . not . totally overhauling your ideas for wibbys powers yet. maybe altering them a little but . keep them as is for now. smile. i have some ideas. im like. on the CUSP of learning more about cauldron and the artificial powers i think though so on the basis that i dont want to sound silly about my mutuals favorite piece of media i think i will hold off on that for juuuust a little longer. side note unrelated question. i know hatchet face's power was. like. cancelling out other capes powers. is there something in worm that like. temporarily or permanently removes someones powers. that would be so fucked up! but i am Thinking. how would we go about wibby power loss arc. WOULD we even need to do this. many thoughts head full.

um . hi. roswell my beautiful friend and mutual. "groomed for roles such as 'level cities' and 'throw yourself at leviathan' or 'fight the slaughterhouse 9'" do you want me to die? do you want me to die. also thats got me thinking- do you think part of the reason they chose dakota was his anger for the s9 and what they did to his parents. actually on that note would that be his trigger event???????? i dont remember if we've talked about trigger events for nhw yet. speaking of which i think wibby getting the smoke powers should be a secondary trigger event for him. i still think about that moment a lot and it hurts me so bad. mallard conway im going to kick your ass. would the smoke powers be classified as Master since theyre like... controlling minions or whatever?????? you are the worm master (<< awesome title i just came up with) id love ur thoughts on power mechanics.

im so fucking tempted to give u a little bit of the wibby david essay here but theres a specific scene in grey i need you to hear before i go full tilt into that. for now i will just say. remember the "i thought you were the first good thing to come out of deadwood. the first thing that wasnt sick and twisted" line? yeah. god. uhhhhh finding out the older sibling youve looked up to for basically your whole life is actually a horrible piece of shit person and would throw you to the wolves if it benefited him in some way. but instead he turns you into the wolf and sets you loose on people who you used to think were your friends and you dont even realize it until its too late (yes i used the wolf metaphor on purpose be so proud of me)

ANYWAY. UM. YEAH. greyscale wibby fucking. stalking through a building and all of davids hired guards see the shit hes doing and decide its better to abandon their orders and face davids wrath later than to stick around for this horrifying cape shit theyre not equipped to deal with in the slightest. wibby starts hearing radio calls of hired hands telling each other to get the fuck out of there and he realizes the reason they sound so scared is because of him. and yet. he has to keep going he HAS TO or else this will all be for nothing and hes already done so much damage he CANT let it be for nothing. but all these people are afraid of him now

[bloodyknucklesforme]

❝  i’m staying.  end of discussion.  you gotta learn to let people take care of you.  ❞ with Simon "I-dont-need-anyone Ghost" Riley for the sleeping prompts pls 🥺

Tags: blood, fluff, mentions of sex

He was normally quiet coming in this late. He struggled with the key so much you thought at first it was a drunken neighbour trying to get in the wrong flat. He stumbled in eventually. Kicked off boots hitting the door of the hall closet.

He was making so much fucking noise even as he collapsed on top of you crushing your lips with his. The mask had been discarded in the hallway with the boots.

"Need you. Right now." He growled. There was something off. The arm by your head was shaking under his weight. His breathing was heavy.

"Simon..." You put both hands on his chest and pushed him back. "Stop."

He closed his eyes and sighed. His shirt was wet. You pressed against the fabric and he winced.

"Are you bleeding?" You sat up, grabbing your phone and turning on the flashlight. His grey shirt had a wet red stain towards the side of his ribs. "Simon, what the fuck?"

He gave you an angry look and pushed himself off the bed, tripping over his own feet.

"I'm not dealing with this right now," He grumbled. He looked towards the door.

"You're not leaving." You snapped. You got out of bed and turned on a light. He was pale, well paler. "Bathroom now!"

You had to grab his arm and pull him back. It wasn't hard. He almost fell on top of you. You guided him back towards your bathroom and planted him on the toilet.

He pushed your hands away as you went to take off his shirt.

"I'm fine!" He barked. It was the most coherent he sounded all night. "I don't need your fucking help."

"Was your plan to just bleed out while inside me then?" You couldn't overpower him but you wouldn't let him leave without a fight. "Let me look."

You forced his shirt up, taking the excess and pulling it over his face.

"I don't want to look at you right now." You watched his fists clench. It might have been mean.

It was mean.

He wasn't about to ruin your bed linens though. He had stitches, shitty in-the-field stitches, between two of his ribs. Two had ripped open.

You dug your first aid kit out from under the sink. He moved his shirt back down and saw you grab a bottle of disinfectant.

"I'm leaving. I'll call you tomorrow." He stood up and you pushed him right back down.

"You're staying. End of discussion. You have to learn to let people take care of you." You gathered up the disinfectant and bandages. "Did you do these yourself? They look like shite."

"I don't need-"

"Shut the fuck up or you're never fucking me again." You pointed a pair of bandage scissors at him. He huffed angrily but he stayed seated.

"You held my guts in my stomach, let me help you just once," You said softly. "Have you taken anything for the pain?"

"No." He groaned as you cleaned the blood from around his wound.

"So it's just blood loss making you act stupid." You rolled your eyes. He chuckled and followed it up with a wince.

You weren't a medic. You'd honestly received less than great training but you could take care of him. He just needed to let you do it.

You cleaned his wound and wrapped the bandages around his chest. He was lucky you had large ones.

"Please go to hospital tomorrow and get real stitches. I can't believe they let you leave with those."

"What they don't know." He shrugged.

"You're a twat sometimes. Really, you are." He was too nonchalant about the whole thing. It pissed you off. "Why would you come here like this?"

"Didn't realize I'd torn em."

"Do you get extra horny when you're bleeding or did you just want to piss me off one last time before dying."

"If this had killed me think I would have been more pissed than you." He looked at you with tired eyes. The stains from his makeup only exacerbated the dark undereyes. He never slept enough even with you. He was always up before you no matter how many rounds he went or how exhausted he was. "Was thinking about you all week. Blood loss mighta got to me. Just wanted to see you."

He reached out to brush his fingers against your thigh. You were washing the blood from your hands. You wouldn't dare to say you understood him or what went out in either skull of his. You just knew he left most things unsaid and let his eyes or hands explain. You stepped sideways so he could touch you, leaning his head against your waist.

"Thank you. Sorry if I bled everywhere."

"You were very good at keeping it contained but it better not be on the walls outside. If it is, you're cleaning it."

"Fair deal."

"Come on, let's get you to bed." You pulled him up to his feet and let him lean against you. You dropped him on his usual side of the bed and helped him get under the covers.

You fetched him water and over-the-counter painkillers. He left them sitting but drank down the water. You made sure he was comfortable before getting back in bed.

He laid his hand on your thigh, coasting it upwards. You pushed it away.

"Not tonight. I'm not dealing with more torn stitches."

"Who said I would tear more?"

"I've been underneath you before. I know how you are."

He laughed before cursing.

"Goodnight Simon."

"Goodnight, love."

He was still asleep when you woke up the next morning. Despite the pain, there was a content smile playing at the edges of his lips.

[kateisgonnabeperfect]

@ me, please read this at points throughout the day and night; its a cruel reminder but its needed. dont let yourself feel like this again. please no matter what youre thinking or how youre feeling for a split second.

i woke up this morning and all i could think about is how dirty and fat i feel. how terrible it felt to eat last night. how fucking scary food and eatinf really is. on my walk this morning i could feel the fat jiggle on my body and thats all because of food. how shitty i feel after eating almost anything. how scary most foods truly are. all i can think is hunger isnt the enemy but i most certainly will deny it if i dont NEED to eat. not even just for weight loss, obviously i still want to lose weight but thinking about it just as weight loss is like saying ok just dont eat for now then eat like no, dont be a pig. no matter what at the end of the day i will never let myself truly want to eat. its scary. it’s disgusting. i want you guys to keep me in this mind-space so i can free myself from the fat on this body; remind me how shitty it feels to eat. how scary it is to eat. please. i dont want to be fat and gross anymore or ever again. ill take the pain of hunger or the split sadness of missing out on a food rather than being fat or the total disgust and regret after eating. remind me to always say no to food. never let me think food and eating is “okay” even if im genuinely hungry. dont let me get back into that fat mindset please. i never want to go back to that mindset it ruined me.

i also never wanna purge n shit either i jus want to not eat and be able to just say no and be reminded of what i said here anytime i go to eat and think “do i really need this” “is it really worth it, how much have you eaten today” n shit like that

plus ive been on both sides of the spectrum and being thinner is so much better, people are so much nicer to you and actually listen to you and care about what you have to say. and they want to take care of you and help you. being thinner is so much better so why would i ever cave into the mindset that food is okay. ive had to deal with a food addiction and BED and i cant even risk lettinf myself slip back into that ever. ever. genuinely the lowesr point in my life.

[grocerystoreanxiety]

I honestly I think I’m in my adult-age HW rn (can’t say abt like the years before when I wasn’t checking my weight but I was like a teen back then), but fuck, it’s 56.4kg today (bmi 21.5) and idk if my metabolism suddenly just stopped bc it feels like it did. I eat abt 1000-1200kcal and the weight moves nowhere (sometimes under 1000kcal, but I try to keep it above to avoid bingeing & muscle loss). It’s sure not that low of a limit, but honestly like that’s no one’s maintenance calories no matter how short & how little they’d move (and I’m 5”4 and try to at least get the 10k steps a day if nothing else). Yeah gotta be patient, been back at this just like 2 weeks after my stupid dumb month of ”i dont care” and sometimes it takes more time.

But it’s weird bc I was recovered for like a year before relapsing this spring, and even then I didn’t gain to this level, and it was a way longer time of eating than just a month and I was steadily 52-54kg the whole time. (I still dont know tho if I can count it as recovery time when I never rly stopped working out or counting my cals; I was just eating my maintenance calories pretty much, some days a little more, and I think I maybe just got into the orthorexia side for a year)

Also I know metabolism gets worse as you age and ppl say it’s around ur mid-20s but does that rly kick in suddenly in one fucking month???? I doubt it (Could be the stress, like I’m waking up to anxiety attacks etc, so it’s not low levels of that rn, and ik stress does a number on you)

Anyways, this is all to say that I’m fucking getting back to it istg like I feel so bad rn in my body. My fucking shorts I’ve worn just this summer aren’t fitting right like dude that’s insane, how did that happen over the course of like a month. No more of this ’’well im too tired to work out today’’ or ’’a liiittle bit of sugar wont kill me’’ garbage; back to all or nothing babeyyy (bad mindset but works the best for me)