#and i like that we've mostly been on our own on this one and experiencing things ourselves

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

We are heading into a bit of a quieter period for QL corner, with two shows ending now and another next week. At least we still have a true banger airing to sustain us through the drought. Smells Like Green Spirit is also now airing in Japan but has not yet been picked up for international distribution (pray for it to get to us soon). These shows are available for weekly streaming on Gaga unless otherwise noted.

Happy of the End

CWs: Blood and gore, child abandonment, child molestation, childhood sexual slavery, death, family rejection, heavy scarring, human trafficking, rape, sexual coercion and exploitation, suicidal ideation, suicide mention

This week was relatively lighter compared to last week's very rough episodes, but still so laced with sadness even in its happy moments. Haoren mourned his mother, and finally admitted to himself, and to Chihiro, that she was never protecting him. The show dug deeper into how this bond between them is giving them both a reason to shake off their apathy about survival, though that is definitely touch and go for both of them. The way Haoren experienced a few moments of happiness and immediately jumped to the conclusion that he would like to die now because he'll never top this feeling was telling, as was Chihiro casually laying down in the street and not moving until Haoren dragged him away. They don't have any real hope for a better life, but they each seem more invested in the other's survival than their own, and that is giving them something to cling to. It was nice to see them have some moments of trust and connection between them, and for Haoren to finally feel safe enough to strip himself bare, physically and emotionally. I'm bracing for a rough final week, with Haoren's former enslaver coming after Chihiro in a bid to destroy the source of Haoren's new happiness. I don't really know what to hope for in terms of an ending for these characters; I just hope the show can leave us with the sense that their relationship mattered and gave them something they can each hold onto.

Love is Like a Poison

This episode had me screaming with laughter and delight. Haruto can read his Ryo-kun like a book, and Shiba can't seem to figure out which way is up. I don't even want to describe all the hilarious gags and sexy tension and extremely unsubtle metaphors in this episode; I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Go watch!

Chaser Game W 2

Of all the great JQL we've gotten in the last year, why this one got picked up for a second season I could not tell you. I was less than impressed with season 1, and I don't have high hopes this next go round will be any better. Especially after watching the first ep of this new season, in which they unceremoniously undid the ending of the last in a laughably silly way only to introduce a new, more annoying conflict. They could have made something of a story about Fuyu trying to work out a way to manage her family life to be with Itsuki, but they'd rather hand wave that away via gay penguins in favor of a new love triangle. Whatever, show. Here we go again, I guess! I’ll be watching this one mostly to support the ratings.

Tagging @bengiyo to do our last anime update for the next little while, as Twilight Out of Focus has officially ended its run and there is no new animated ql on the horizon.

[captainlunaxmen]

Eyes

Bill Weasley x Fem!reader

This was a request, not for me, but I got permission to write it so... here it is.

The request: Hi! Can I request some Bill Weasley

x reader with prompts:

'If there was ever anybody meant for me, it's

you."

"The closest thing to love at first sight l've

ever experienced happened when I first laid

eyes on you.

Where reader is best friends with

the twins so they invite her to

spend the summer at the Burrow.

Bill is also there and when they met

he's instantly attracted to her, they

spend time together and he starts

to fall for her but he doesn't think

reader would like him because of

the scars, but obviously with fluffy

ending, please? Thanks!

I changed it just a little to fit. Hope the anon who asked this will read it and will like it.❤️❤️

I always loved it when the twins invited me over, whether it was for Christmas or summer.

It always feels like home.

When I was not at Hogwarts, I lived in an orphanage, so experiencing the Wealseys, experiencing a family, definitely felt good.

Maybe this is why they invite me so often, and I'm grateful for that. I usually spend time with Arthur, explaining the muggle world to him, or with the twins and their siblings playing Quidditch, or helping Molly cooking. Which is exactly what I'm doing now.

"Yes, exactly dear. Then you fold it towards you carefully." She instructs me as I knead the dough for the pie.

"Are you done stealing our friend, mom?" One of the twins asks as they both enter the kitchen, and I notice Molly playfully rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, mom, she is our friend." George agrees with his brother.

"She didn't steal me!" I defend, "I asked if I could help her."

"You don't need to do that." Fred tells me.

"Yeah, she already loves you." George adds, "probably more than she loves us."

"Oh shut up, you two." Molly laughs, waving them off.

"See? She is not denying it!" George feigns offence.

"I'm just spending time with my favourite assistant." Molly explains.

I smile at her as I finally finish my own pie.

"You're done." Fred notices, "C'mon, let's go."

"Why?" I ask, wiping my hands on a towel.

"You're our partner."

"And we have business to discuss."

I roll my eyes and look at Molly with an apologetic smile.

"Don't worry, dear. Humour them." She laughs again with that sweet motherly smile that always warms my heart.

"I'll come back later." I tell her.

I have no idea how I, mostly quiet and reserved, got friends with the loudest people at Hogwarts. But it happened, and now I basically help them run their shop in Diagon Alley.

Now, more than ever, I want to help them keep the shop open in this hard and dark time, that... after Dumbledore's death, will probably get worse.

I follow the twins to their room.

I take my seat next to Fred on his bed, and George sits on his.

"So... what was so urgent?" I ask.

"Oh nothing," Fred smiles proudly.

"I hate you." I say.

"You love us." George chimes in, "but we wanted to discuss the new products."

"Alright, alright. " I chuckle.

So we start to discuss what kind of things to start selling, at what price, how to organise the shelf and stands.

A good hour and a half, or a bit more, passes because Molly calls everyone down for dinner.

Finally, I'd say, I'm starving... especially for Molly's cooking.

"About time!" Fred exclaims.

"I'm starving!" George voices loudly, too.

"Same." I groan, following them down.

As we get down, I see the other Weasleys gathering around the table.

There's a new face, though, someone I've never seen before.

"Oh, look who finally decided to join us!" Fred says in his usual teasing tone.

"He's the missing one." George tells me, "you can finally say you've met the whole family."

"Uh?"

"Bill!" George calls the tall man.

"Hi, George." The guy named Bill turns to George with a playfully annoyed face, and I notice an earring with a fang dangling from his ear.

"Meet our friend." Fred chimes in, "she's met everyone except you... and we've been friends for years and years and years and years -"

"I get it, Freddie, thanks." Bill laughs.

"Come, Y/n." George calls.

As soon as his brown eyes meet mine, he freezes, I see him opening and closing his mouth without letting out a sound.

I'm quite confused.

"Hi." I gently wave at him, "I'm Y/n. It's nice to meet you."

I extend my hand towards him, and he watches it for a moment before taking it and shaking it.

"Likewise, I'm William... but, of course, you can call me Bill." He says, a little flustered.

"I like the earring." I tell him to maybe make him feel more at ease.

"Oh," he laughs, "Thank you. See, mom? It's appreciated."

"I give up." I hear Molly saying.

I stop for a second, noticing just now the scars on his face, and I wonder how he got them.

He notices me looking at them and quickly turns his head.

"Well, it was really nice to meet you, Y/n. I hope to see you around." He says before taking a seat at the table.

"Yeah, me too." I say quietly, sitting next to George.

I hope I didn't offend him...

-----------------

I sit outside, enjoying the early breeze, and I read a book. These moments are my favourite. After all these years, the Wealsey silently adopted me basically, which means I do have a family. But the first times I was invited, I would just sit here in the quiet of the mornings and pretend I belong here.

"I thought I was the only early riser." A chuckle snaps me out of my thoughts, Bill closes the door and wraps a small blanket around himself against the early cold.

"You thought wrong." I smile at him and move a little aside to let him sit.

"Aren't you cold?" He asks, sitting down.

"I'm fine, thank you." I say, I see him giving me a sceptical look and putting half of the blanket around me too.

"Sure." He says, and I laugh.

We stay in a comfortable silence for a while before he speaks up.

"Egypt?" He asks.

"Uh?" I turn to him, and he motion to my book, "Oh. Yeah, I always find it so fascinating, for some reason."

"It really is." He agrees, "I got the chance to explore it because of my job, and I have to say it deserves the appeal."

"Really? What kind of job?" I ask, genuinely curious. The twins never talk a lot about their siblings.

"Curse-breaker." He says with a shy smile.

"Oh wow..." I sigh, "that's really cool."

"Is it?" He laughs.

"Yes!" I reply, surprised he doesn't agree, "you don't like it?"

"No, no, it's not that." He says, "most thinks it's pretentious."

"Nah, don't listen to them. They must be idiots." I tell him.

"Fred and George mostly." He adds.

"Doesn't make my statement false." I kid, and he laughs.

"I can see why they like you so much." He chuckles.

"I wasn't like this when I first met them..." I start, "so I really don't understand why they wanted to be my friends in the first place."

"Like what? Funny?" He asks, "or cute?" He adds so quietly I could barely hear it.

"Uhm... I... I don't know..." I stutter out.

"Sorry... sorry, I didn't mean to... it just came out... I'm sorry." He shakes his head, "Uhm... but tell me... uh, how did you meet the two idiots?"

"Well..." I clear my throat, smiling shyly at him, "they kind of bumped into me... while running from Filch."

"Yeah... I can definitely see that." He laughs again, I'm glad he doesn't feel so awkward anymore.

"Then... I kind of helped them hide." I say.

"Well, now I'm surprised." He teases sweetly, making me feel warm inside... it's a new sensation and... weird, but in a good way.

"Yep." I chuckle, "later that week they found me in the library and just... wanted to thank me, so they just stuck around, and now we're here."

"Thankfully." He says, and I look up at him, "Uhm..." he quickly averts his eyes, "I mean, everyone seems to love you so much... and I'm sure mom's happy she gained another daughter."

"Well," I let out a small laugh, "I gained a mother so... it's a win-win situation."

He looks back at me, a confused smile on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"I live... well, lived in an orphanage... so no parents." I tell him with a shrug.

"Oh..." he softly sighs.

"Oh, please, no. I'm sorry... don't feel bad." I softly laugh to let him know it's not a big deal, "yeah, it was harder when I was younger, but now... now I'm fine. Really. Your family welcomed me with open arms. Wide open arms, actually."

I see him smiling, thankfully. The last thing I wanted was to make him feel uncomfortable... again.

"I'm glad they managed to make you feel at home, then." He says, "among the caos, I mean."

"Oh, trust me, the caos is part of the charm." I gently nudges his shoulder.

"Yeah, I have to agree." He nods, "when I spend so much time away, I do miss this caothic environment."

"I bet."

I look up at him, finding him already looking to me. His eyes are even more beautiful up close. As we start to naturally lean in towards each other, Molly's voice breaks the silence.

"Stop testing your products in my kitchen!" She yells to Fred and George... for sure.

Bill and I move away from each other. I clear my throat with an awkward chuckle and stand up.

"I should... I should probably help the twins with their things... so they won't burn the whole house down." I say.

"Yeah... of course." He avoids my eyes as he nods.

"I'll see you." I gently say and he nods once again so I just get back inside.

----------------

Later in the day more members of the Order arrive, with the intention of discussing the plan of moving Harry from his muggle house to the Wealsey's.

"That's the plan." Lupin says, once Moody stopped explaining the plan of having people drinking polyjuice potion to turn into Harry and confuse any deatheater in case there would be an attack.

"Sounds like fun." George comments.

"We're not asking you to participate, so if any of you isn't sure about it, can back down." Lupin explains with a heavy heart, "only whoever volunteers will drink the potion. And only if you're of age."

Everyone looks at each other, I catch eyes with the twins, I nod at them and they stand up.

"We're in." They say in unison.

"Me too." I stand, too.

"Of course we are too." Hermione says gesturing towards herself and Ron who nods.

I unconsciously search Bill's eyes across the room. He meets my gaze and I notice something in his look, he's worried. Of course he is... three of his brothers just volunteer for a very risky mission, but the way he looks at me with those brown eyes...

I mouth 'it's gonna be okay' and he nods, subtly, but his worried look remains.

"Mundungus too." Moody says, interrupting our silent conversation, and Fletcher just nods defeated.

"Let's pair up." Lupin claps his hands. "Each 'Potter' will be assigned to a protector."

"How would we do that?" I ask, curiosity taking the best of me.

"Using same old pieces of papers with names on." He smiles shrugging, "Everyone, write your name down."

"I want to be the one to bring Harry here. The real one." Hagrid chimes in, "it fair."

Lupin nods, he then takes two bowls, gently offered by Mrs Weasley.

"Here the Harrys," he brings up the bowl in his left hand, "and here the protectors." He lifts the one in the right one.

We all do as he instructed.

He then sits down and starts taking out names.

Each one is assigned and only four people are left.

"Hermione, you'll be assigned to... Kingslay." Remus announces.

I see Kingslay sending Hermione a reassuring nod and she gives one back.

"So that leaves Y/n and... oh, Bill." Lupin says.

"Okay, everyone knows their places, right? We're leaving in an hour." Moody announces, sternly.

Everyone scatter around to get ready, so I take the opportunity to just step outside and take a big breath.

I'm not sure how I got tangled in this whole magic war, but I'm glad I did... even though it's scary.

"Are you okay?" I hear Bill's voice getting closer.

"Yeah, of course." I nod.

"You don't have to do it, you know?" He tells me.

"I know." I smile at him, "I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared, so scared I'm surprised I can still move."

He softly laughs.

"You're really brave." He then tells me.

"I'm no braver then the others," I reply, shrugging.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, I think." He nudges my shoulder.

"Thank you." I say softly, "I'm glad I got paired up with you."

"Me too. I promise to bring you home safe and sound."

"I promise too."

His soft smile makes me almost melt, if it wasn't for the cold breeze, it makes me feel safe, feels like home.

"Did the Twins warn you about the wedding?" He then asks.

"Charlie's? Yes, they did." I nod, "I think... is there something I should know?"

"No, well... if you can, try to avoid aunt Muriel." He whispers, as if he's afraid she might be here to hear it.

"I'll just stick to your side, then, you're my protector after all." I kid and I see his face getting a bit red.

"Well.. uh... of course." He stutters, "I'd rather fight deatheaters than deal with her anyway."

I genuinely laugh, unconsciously I lean my head on his shoulder and I feel him tense.

"Sorry." I say and straighten up.

I just look up at him and he does the same.

"No worries," he swallows.

He seems nervous, but not uncomfortable.

I don't know why I feel this pull towards him everytime we talk, but it's a nice feeling. I just hope I'm not making him uneasy or anything.

I catch his eyes looking down at my lips and mine falls to his.

Suddenly, he moves back, bringing a hand up to cover his scars, I can't help but look at him confused.

"Sorry," he lets out a nervous chuckle and stands, "I..."

He doesn't say anything more and just gets back inside, leaving me dumbfounded.

--------------

The clouds don't help spotting the bunch of deatheaters chasing us, I try to keep as many eyes out as I can, so I can help Bill who also has to guide the thestral.

Suddenly, I spot three hooded figures flying towards us.

"There are three coming!" I warn Bill.

I cast spells like never before, trying to stop them from coming any closer.

Some deatheater manages to hit me, luckily it's nothing major, but I let out a scream nonetheless.

"Are you okay?" Bill asks, blindly reaching behind him to check on me.

"Yes, don't worry."

I look around, and I can vaguely see Madeye and Mundungus far from us.

I stare at them, ready to interfere in case they need it, when I see a dark figure appearing...

"Shit!" I exclaim.

"What?"

"He's here." I say.

"Fuck! Hold onto me." He says before turning the thestral around abruptly, but something catches my eyes.

"Wait!" I tell him.

"What's wrong?" He asks, breathless.

"Madeye he-" I start, but get interrupted by one more deatheater flying to us.

I got to cast one last spell to take down the last enemy I can see, before Bill starts to bring us down... ready to reach the portkey.

"What did you say?" Bill asks again, reaching behind again to be sure I'm still here.

"Madeye, I saw him falling from his broom." I tell him, tears already forming in my eyes.

"What? How?"

"I think, Mundungus tried to get away as soon as he saw him appearing... Madeye tried to keep him from going anywhere, but... you-know-who killed him." I say, trying to keep my breath as steady as I can, "I say a green light..."

"Ssh, sshh, it's okay." He tries to calm me down as we arrive to the portkey.

"I'm sorry.." I mutter.

"About what?" He asks, sadly turning to face me, "it wasn't your fault, you know?"

"What if I warned you earlier? What if I..." I lower my eyes to my hands.

"Hey, hey, look at me," he says, and I do, "it was no one's fault. We couldn't know."

"Yeah..."

He gently takes one of my hands and caress it gently.

"He wouldn't want you to cry for him, right?" He says, smiling in hope to make me smile too.

"He would probably scold me for it." I let out a weak laugh.

"Exactly." He kisses the back of my hand and then rides towards the portkey, that teleports us in front of the Burrow.

We see almost everyone else already here.

I can see Remus and Tonks close to each other, Harry, Ron and Hermione too. I spot Kingslay, I think I can see Hagrid inside, but there's something wrong.

I can't see Mr Weasley or Fred, maybe they're just not here yet... but Remus is here, so... where's George?

I get down from the magical horse and run into the house, as I do I lock eyes with Remus' guilty expression and I just run faster.

I rush into the house and spot Molly caressing George's hair, as I get close I notice the blood on him.

"George..?" I weakly call and Molly turns to me, she sends a sad smile towards me and I kneel in front of the sofa to take a better look at George.

"George." I call again.

"He's alive, dear... just a dark spell..." she reassures me.

"How?" I shakily ask, more to George than Molly.

I hear fast footsteps rushing in too and Fred is just beside me. This makes me feel so much better.

They're both still alive.

"How are feeling, Georgie?" Fred asks his twin.

George slowly open and closes his mouth before speaking.

"Saintlike..." he says, and I let out a relieved laugh, "I'm holey, I'm holey, Fred. You get it?"

"With the whole wide world of ear-related humour, you go for 'I'm holey'. Pathetic." Fred teases back, I notice he says this finally letting his shoulder relax.

"Well, Y/n still finds me the most handsome of the pair, I reckon." He subtly winks in my direction.

"I'm letting this one slide because you're hurt. And clearly brain damaged, if you make that joke of all you could choose from." I chuckle moving my hand out to caress his.

I notice now that everyone has gotten inside, i spot Bill's tense, yet relieved expression.

"Madeye is dead." He says and everybody looks at him.

"You-know-who killed him." I say. "Mundungus disappeared and he was caught off guard... I think."

I sense George's and Fred's hands on mine, for comfort and solidarity.

----------------

A wedding sounds absurd considering the times we're living, yet it seems exactly what we need.

A knock on the door catches my attention.

"Yes?"

"Are you decent?" Fred's teasing voice calls from the other side.

"Sure." I laugh and he comes in.

"Are you ready?" He asks.

"Yap." I say, turning to look at him, "oh, look at you, never seen you so cleaned up."

"I take offence in that." He feigns hurt, "take it back."

"Oh, you know you're always so stylish." I stick my tongue out to him.

"That's what I thought." He winks, "I'm the most handsome of the pair."

"Sure." I laugh and sit on the bed to put on my shoes. "Is everything ready downstairs?"

"Yap, all guests are here. The party is ready to begin." He declares.

"Nice." I nod.

"Are you okay?" He asks, I can hear a hint of worry in his voice.

"Yeah."

"C'mon," he says sitting next to me, "tell Freddie what's bothering you."

"It's nothing, Fred, really." I try to divert the subject.

"You don't fool me, young lady." He slightly glare at me.

I sigh.

"Plotting without me?" I look up to see George standing by the door, the bandages on his head as a reminder of the night before...

"We could never." I say.

"Our Y/n here has something on her mind." Fred is quick to say.

"I don't..." I say... not very convincing.

"Uh uh. Tell us." George sit on the other side of me.

"Do you think... uh... did I do something wrong to Bill?" I ask, quietly.

I can sense them sharing a look.

"Whatever do you mean, love?" George asks.

"It's just... sometimes it's like he wants to be anywhere else but near me... and maybe I did something to him... but I don't know what." I explain.

"Do you have a crush on our brother, L/n?" Fred asks teasingly.

"What? No, no... I just ... ugh!" I say laying back down on the bad covering my face with my arms. I hear them softly laughing.

"I'm sure you did nothing wrong." George says, "Bill's just... Bill."

"Yeah, whatever it is, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. Stop worrying your pretty little head." Fred nudges me.

I nod, understanding, not entirely convinced, but I appreciate their effort.

"And..." George's teasing tone makes me glare at him, already knowing what he wants to say, "if you have a crush on him, we could help you..."

"I'm sure we really should be going, you know, plus I'll see if Molly need any help." I say standing up and quickly make my way downstairs.

As I rush down the stairs I bump into someone.

"Oh, I'm so so sorry." I say.

"No worries." Bill says and I instantly look up at him, feeling a little embarrassed since I've been talking about him with the twins a few minutes ago.

"Uh... sorry" I repeat, looking away.

"It's no problem. Really." He smiles at me.

"I... I was looking for... for you mother..." I stutter out, "to see if she needed any help."

"Oh she was just outside, still congratulating Charlie and... crying too." He lets out a soft chuckle and I do too.

"Then I'll go congratulate him too, didn't get the chance yet." I smile at him and start walking out, looking for Charlie and Mrs Weasley and I find them right outside the big tent.

"Hey," I say as I near them, "congratulations, Charlie."

"Aahh, Y/n! Thank you!" He says cheerfully, once I'm close enough he brings me in for a big hug, which I reciprocate.

"I'm so happy for you." I tell him, "she seems like a sweet person... or... better a patient one." I tease.

"Alright, that's it." He says letting me go, "you're spending too much time with the twins. I'm adopting you."

"That's my duty," Molly chimes in, linking arms with me.

"Exactly, Charlie, stop stealing your mother's job." I jokingly glare at him, he smiles at me and then his eyes move to something behind me. I turn around seeing Bill walking to us.

"Congratulations, mate." Bill hugs Charlie and pat his back.

"Aah thank you! I'm so happy." Charlie has the biggest smile on his face right now, and it fills me with joy.

"You deserve it. I've never seen you so in love." Bill says.

"Well, I just hope you will experience it too, mate." Charlie sighs, "it's really the best feeling."

I smile at his words, he really loves his family... everyone in this family loves each other so much, it makes me feel at peace.

"Yeah... I can tell." I hear Bill say, I notice Charlie looking at me with a weird look.

"I'm sure you do," he then adds.

"Oh! Charles!" A voice calls from behind us, an old lady is walking towards us.

Molly is gone immediately, and Bill gently takes my arm to lead me away.

"That's... aunt Muriel." He whispers to me.

"Oh..." I chuckle, "thanks."

"No problem, I am your protector." He tells me and we enter the tent.

"Oh wow.." I say, "it looks really good."

"Yeah, I think despite the situation, Charlie got a great wedding anyway. Which makes me very happy." He tells me, and I notice just now he's sort of caressing my arm with his fingers.

"Yeah... I... I think he deserves it. You know, this is how I always wanted my wedding to look like, if I'm being honest." I say, "that... if I ever got married, that is."

"What do you mean 'if'?"

"Well, to get married you would need to find someone you love and someone who loves you" I explain with a shrug and a heavy heart.

"I'm sure.... I'm sure, you will have no problem in that." He tells me.

"I'm not so sure." I say, shrugging.

We reach a table and we both sit down, and I go back at looking around.

"It really is beautiful." I breath, "you all did a great job."

I turn to look at Bill, once again, already finding him looking at me.

"I think anyone would be lucky to marry you." He softly says, and it takes me a little off guard that my cheeks suddenly feel warm and I look away from him.

The music suddenly starts and we both turn to look at Charlie and his wife dancing for the first time as husband and wife. It's such a happy moment I don't want to miss one bit of it.

Soon enough more people join the happy couple and I too start to slightly move my feet to the rhythm. A hand is suddenly on top of mine, gaining my attention.

"Do you...do you want to d-dance?" Bill asks, stuttering a bit.

"Yes." I simply say.

We stand and walk towards the other people dancing, he carefully put his hands on my waist and I shyly put mine on his shoulders and we start moving with the music.

"This is my favourite parts of weddings." I casually say, to break the awkward silence.

"The dancing?"

"Yeah, everyone looks so happy, and it's the most peaceful part of it." I explain, "you know, everything coming before the 'yes' is like tense and uncertain. 'What if they change their mind?' Or 'what if something happens?', it's all about 'what ifs'. But the dancing... is when everything is settled and everyone is happy and can let out a sigh of relief. Does it make sense?" I chuckle.

"Makes complete sense. I kind of agree with you." He smiles, "I'll tell you a secret... Charlie was so nervous since he asked her."

"What? Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yeah!" He laughs, "he was so afraid she would change her mind any moment. There was one day I was visiting him, he told me he was actually waiting an owl to deliver him a letter saying she wouldn't marry him anymore. That's how tense he was."

"Oh, poor thing." I laugh, looking to Charlie dancing with his mother now, how happy he looks now.

"Yeah, took me several hours to convince him that was not the case." He tells me.

We laugh together for a moment before our eyes lock for the millionth time.

"Can..." I start, "can I ask you something?"

"Of course." He nods.

"Have I... have I made you uncomfortable in some ways?" I ask.

"What? No... of course not." He answers quickly.

"Are you sure?" I check, "I mean, you can tell me. Really it's no problem."

"I'm sure. You didn't do anything to make me feel uncomfortable." He replies, "I promise."

"Okay..." I nod, with small smile. "If I did something, though, I'm sorry."

"I promise, you have nothing to be sorry for." He reassuringly smiles at me, I smile back.

We stay in silence, looking at each other and, again, I feel the same pull towards I felt before, but this time, before anything could remotely happen, Kingslay's patronus appears.

It says the minister is dead and that the deatheaters are coming here...

The caos emerges as soon as the enemy arrives.

I look up at Bill.

"Stay close to me." He tells me and I nod.

We start fighting along the others, most guests disappear, most remains and fight.

I cast as many protection spells as I can while Bill and the other defends.

I can see Harry, Ron and Hermione disappear. Thankfully. But my attention is caught by another red-haired fighting far from me.

I rush to Ginny without even thinking and stand beside her, Lupin joins us soon.

A caos of "stupeficium" "expelliarmus" and "protego" surrounds us.

I spot someone aiming at a distracted Ginny, instinctively I step in between them, I try to yell, but too late.

I feel myself falling to the ground.

---------------

It's dark, I can hardly open my eyes, but I hear voices around me.

"She's gonna be fine." I hear someone says.

"Are you sure?" A pair of voices, this time, asks.

"Yes, I am."

I weakly open my eyes and move to sit up.

"Hey, hey, careful there." I recognise Bill's voice.

"What... what happened?" I ask, finally being able to look around. Noticing Fred and George too, I notice this is not a room I recognise.

"What happened?!" George asks shocked, "what happened she asks!"

"Unbelievable!" Fred agrees.

"So..?" I urge.

"You took a stunner for Ginny. A dark one." Bill explains.

"What were you thinking?!" Fred asks.

"I just saw him aiming at your sister and went on autopilot, I think." I say.

"What if it was a killing curse?" George basically yells.

"Could you not shout please?" I ask weakly.

They both sigh heavily and look at each other.

"You're okay." Bill chimes in from his place by the door, "that's important." He says this last bit more to the twins than to me.

"You scared the hell out of us." George says.

"Yeah, we thought we lost you." Fred nods.

"I'm sorry..." I mutter.

"No, we're sorry for yelling." Fred sighs, "we're thankful you're okay... and thank you for protecting Ginny."

I open my arms, asking them for a hug and they do, careful not to hurt me too much they wrap their arms around me.

"Where are we?" I ask, once they pulled away.

"Shell cottage." They both answer.

"In Cornwall." George keeps going, "it's by the sea."

"Oh... Nice."

"Yeah, we'll be using it as a refuge for a while." Freds explain.

"Especially until you feel better." Bill adds.

"We know you like the sea, so maybe it would help your recovery." George says, hopeful.

"I hope so." I smile at them.

"Let's leave her, boys, she need her rest not you two pestering her." Bill teases his brothers.

"We're not!" They both say, standing up and heading to the door.

"A little." I joke.

"You better rest well, young lady." Fred scolds me before following his brother out.

"I'll bring up some tea. Now rest." With this Bill exits and closes the door.

I lay back down, take a deep breath and close my eyes, hoping to get some sleep.

--------------

The sweet smell of the tea gently wakes me up.

I slowly open my eyes, noticing some rays of sun peaking through the windows.

I sit up, determined to stand up and walk downstairs. I put some clothes on and weakly walk out the room, holding onto the wall just in case.

I make my way downstairs, happy to hear voices coming from what I can imagine is the kitchen.

"Why don't you just tell her, mate?" Fred, I think, says.

"What do you mean why?" Bill asks back.

"What do you mean, what do we mean why?" George replies, "do you like her?"

"I..."

"Of course, he does!" Fred intervenes.

"Then why don't you freaking tell her?" George repeats the question.

Now, I can't help but eavesdrop. Curiosity taking the best of me.

"Have you seen me recently?" Bill snaps.

"Bill..." George starts, but he's interrupted.

"No, George." Bill's serious tone, makes my heart ache, "how could she like me back when I look like this? Uh?"

"Bill, do you think she cares?" Fred's tone got more gentle.

"We know her, mate." George tries to reassure him.

"No." Bill firmly states, "she deserves better. You should know it, she deserves someone who doesn't look like a freak, and most definitely she doesn't deserve a werewolf in her life. What if I hurt her? What if..." he chokes. I can't see him, but I can tell he's crying.

"You love her, don't you?" Fred asks... or rather, states.

"Of course, he does." George confirms, "look how scared he is!"

"Of course, I'm scared!" Bill snaps again, "The closest thing to love at first sight l've ever experienced happened when I first laid eyes on her... and it pains me how much I want to be with her, but knowing she doesn't deserve to end up with someone like me..."

That's enough, I walk up to them and their head turn up to look at me, Bill's eyes widening at my sight.

"I think that's up to me to decide." I tell him, looking him dead in the eyes.

"I..." He's at loss words.

"We'll leave you to it." The twins says and walk out.

I sit down, so I can face Bill, I slightly wince as I do.

"Careful..." he whispers, "you... you should be resting."

"You'll soon realise I don't usually do what I'm supposed to do." I smile at him.

We stay silent, none of us knowing what to say.

"Sorry." He then says.

"What for?" I ask.

"I..." he lets out a nervous chuckle, "I don't even know..."

"Was that true?" I finally ask.

"I'm afraid so..." he sighs.

"Then, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." I say, feeling bold enough to take his hand.

"I..." he look at our hands, "you mean...?"

"Yes..."

"But... you don't have to... I know you deserve something better than this." He tries to make me... reason I think, I softly laugh at this.

"Better than a hot, long-haired, curse-breaker with the kindest smile eyes I've ever seen? I'm not so sure about it." I grin at him, "what you felt the first time we met... I'm pretty sure I felt it too."

"Really?"

"Of course, I think if there was ever anybody meant for me, it's you."

He looks at me with the biggest smile, lets out a relieved laugh and comes closer to kiss me.

I'm a little taken aback, but I quickly kiss him back, my hand moves up to his cheek softly caressing his scars while his is in my hair gently playing with it.

Once we pull away we hear cheering from the other room, and we laugh watching Fred and George coming into view clapping their hands.

"Finally!"

"Good job!"

"Go away you two!" Bill scolds them.

"Hey!" They call, "no naughtinesses while we're here, alright!"

They go away and leave us officially alone.

I look at Bill and he does the same.

"I love you." He whispers, coming closer once again.

"I love you too" I say before kissing him again.

And again.

And again.

And... again.

[sasquapossum]

On my mind: why has there been such an increase in adulation and loyalty toward obviously defective people like Trump and Musk? Have people become more gullible than they were when I was younger? Seems unlikely. We internalized all sorts of stupid shit too, but it wasn't so focused on personalities. Then it struck me: the problem is that we've lost faith in institutions and personalities are what's left. Consider...

Politicians: believe it or not, we used to trust that they were at least sane and working generally for some vision of public good, even when we disagreed. Not since Nixon, Reagan, Dubya, etc.

Journalists: we used to trust them to report the facts in a reasonably objective way, even when that isn't necessarily what they were doing. Then came Fox and that all went out the window.

TV/radio media became all about engagement, a form of entertainment, not actual reporting. Now it's all podcasts and TikTok or YouTube, but basically same. There are some who believe one particular favorite speaks the truth, but few who would say these folks in general are trustworthy.

Print media failed in a different way, partly by being partisans for the establishment (e.g. NYT and the Iraq war) but mostly by totally missing the boat on going online. They could have agreed on a single shared subscription or micropayment system, but they each had to be greedy with their own paywalls etc. So their lunch got eaten by social media (who bear their own share of blame for eroding trust), and the press got even more unhinged about it.

Science, engineering, academe: we used to believe promises about new miracle materials, chemicals, drugs, etc. Even before anti-vaccine lunacy became a thing, a long string of disasters - microplastics, DDT, thalidomide - changed that.

Unions: they've experienced a resurgence very recently, but that's almost a "dead cat bounce" after being moribund for decades. Some people would blame Reagan and PATCO. I think the collapse of major union-heavy industries - auto, steel, mining - had more to do with it, but the result was the same.

I could go on - there's a whole other post I could write about the mixed role of churches in this context - but you get the idea. The fact that in many cases there were good reasons to withdraw our trust doesn't change the fact that such a general withdrawal creates a vacuum which we've filled with hero worship instead. That's where people like Musk and Trump come from.

Here's the kicker: it's not an accident. Undermining trust in institutions has been part of the authoritarian playbook since forever. Julius Caesar is the earliest example that most people would be familiar with, hence the silly illustration, but the phenomenon goes back much further than that. Creating that vacuum is central to authoritarian strategy. Remember Reagan's "nine most terrifying words"? Some people think of that as a libertarian statement but, with the so-called Moral Majority and various militia groups (then as now galvanized by immigration) behind him, that misses the mark. It was part of an authoritarian strategy, demeaning the administrative state and permanent civil service (i.e. institutions) in favor of raw executive power (i.e. personalities).

I'm all for unions, co-ops, mutual aid, etc. but they can't stand alone. Never have. Without a government enforcing rules (including against itself), anarchy will always evolve toward autocracy. If you think the role of government should be minimized, then congratulations, you're part of the Reagan Left ... or worse. A red hat with a hammer and sickle on it is still a red hat. You are effectively supporting authoritarianism whether you mean to or not. Also, since there's no significant left-authoritarian element in US politics - no Stalin or Mao and thank FSM for that - that means you're supporting right-authoritarians. You should stop, especially if you're a member of a group that would suffer most under such a regime.

[fallloverfic]

@tired-of-life-86 replied to your post "Thinking about how people assuming Seth isn’t into men is also a big reason why. . .":

I feel like Seth doesn't have too much interest in sexual relationships. He wants love more than anything and since lust is a form of love, he doesn't mind that too much either (if it's with the person he loves.) Seth has been hurt, betrayed, defiled, and tortured. He also has not been allowed to mourn. Since he hasn't mourned or focused on healing. His thought process and emotions are just messed up and jumbled. My poor baby, I just wanna see him happy! ❤

I've generally thought he doesn't have much active interest in sex, like I don't think he proactively seeks it out, but he doesn't mind it with partners he enjoys if they want it. He does very much want to just be loved, and he likes making his partners happy. The problem is that we don't have much of him being in a relationship he seeks out on his own. Just one panel of him kissing Nephthys in the past(?) in S01E18, and the time he spent with Horus in Abu Gorab in S02E70 onward. We don't know why or how he fell in love with Nephthys. We only know how he's fallen/falling in love with Horus, and that relationship hasn't been centered on sex, but involves physical intimacy (e.g., the kiss in S02E70). It involves sex, too, but Horus initiated it that time.

I also don't know that I'd agree that "lust is a form of love". Lust is a desire, and physicality can be a way to express love. But it doesn't have to be (e.g., Osiris, Kuentamen, Fenu). It's one reason people differentiate being "in love" and being "in lust" and a commonish-ish phrase is something like, "you're not in love, it's just lust". I again think Seth doesn't mind physicality with people he likes, particularly if it makes his partner happy.

CW: discussion of mental illness, mention of canon cannibalism

I'm not precisely sure what you mean by he's not allowed to mourn? What is he mourning? Do you mean losing Anubis (or at least the Anubis he knew)? Anubis isn't dead and he's working on getting Anubis back.

Or maybe mourning the brother/siblings he thought he knew, or losing his marriage? He hasn't been supported through the difficulties and trauma he's experienced. But I think he had plenty of time to mourn his siblings if he felt the need to during the hundreds of years of his being king (I think it's one major reason he treats Isis the way he does during the trial; her turning her back on him still hurts, but he's had years to deal with and accept it's just part of their relationship, even if he still hates it and feels hurt by it). He definitely still has issues processing his relationship with Nephthys, which he mostly handled through putting distance between them. His attempting to process/attempting to not process everything is likely part of why he was so focused on getting drunk and drugged out of his mind. I think he might have mourned the loss of who he was before he discovered what Osiris was, but what we've learned in recent episodes leads me to think he's used to giving up versions of himself (e.g., changing to a god of war) for what he believes is necessary (e.g., someone had to guard everyone and he wasn't good at anything else).

I also want to see him happy, which is why I'm glad we actually have in many recent episodes. In Abu Gorab when he and Horus were talking, with the kiss, and to a degree I think with Seth fighting the attacking men, and with Seth hanging out a bit with Anubis in Abu Gorab, and with the cat in Hermopolis. I think he's also been more comfortable with Horus in places. It's important to remember no one is happy all the time. It's just not how people work. We find what happiness we can in between the rougher parts of our lives. I don't think Seth will end up fully happy all the time, no matter how the story ends. I think he'll end up happy to a degree, at least, if not much happier than he's been for a lot of his life, particularly since he and Horus seem to be increasingly honest with each other in a way Seth seemingly wasn't with Nephthys, and it's something Seth values (he likes feeling seen).

I think this leads into an important point (that's not really what you're talking about, and apologies for the text spam, please ignore if you don't care, but I felt like going down the rabbit hole): the idea that Seth wasn't happy after the night of usurpation because that (and following events) messed him up, but that he potentially was happy before that, and that doesn't seem true, not just because of what I said about his being happy at points afterward, but also because of what we've seen of who he was and what he did before. We have a lot of evidence Seth wasn't happy even before the night of usurpation. Like yes, he was with Nephthys, they had a kid he loved, he was friends with Isis and got along with Osiris, and he was a very successful war god and had appreciation from the humans, as well as temples. But even when he was with his family, as Sekhmet notes in in S01E36, the four siblings acted "like they were the happiest family on the planet". How much of that was an act, at least on Seth's part, is up for debate. But even outside Sekhmet saying at least some of it was an act, Seth wasn't happy in his life.

The way Seth describes becoming a war god in S02E89, that it was his duty and there was no liking or disliking it, speaks to me of someone who doesn't have a particular interest in what he does for a living (outside being good at it). We're shown later on that he seems to take pride in his martial prowess and winning fights (e.g., in S01E56, in that panel of Seth catching Horus, I honestly think he's having fun), particularly during the trial, but part of that is his arrogance and bluster and trying to convince people he's an egomaniac who needs to be put down, along with his distaste in losing because Osiris told him that he's weak (e.g., how he reacts in S01E56 to Horus at the idea that it was due to Seth's weakness that Horus assaulted him). In S01E05, Seth tells Anubis that being the god of war is not respectable, and that war itself is awful, and he hopes Anubis doesn't become a god like him. This is reflected in how he talks about the horrors of war in S02E88-9 and how he mentions hearing the cries of humans who died in war calling to him in S01E48.

Seth looks so bitter, angry, and pained about this. Perhaps he was able to tolerate it because he had the love of Nephthys, Anubis, and his siblings to sustain him. Perhaps that's part of why he was so desperate they not forget him, because it's what got him through things. As he says in S01E05, "War is sometimes necessary when you need to protect your family, your land." He did all this out of necessity, not love or enjoyment. And he suffered through it. There's a manic gleam in his eye as he looks at Osiris while the dead are screaming for him in S01E48.

And we know at least part of the reason he doesn't like eating (particularly meat) is because his soldiers had to turn to cannibalism (S02E88). He saw a lot of horrible things in war long before Osiris assaulted him, and he just sort of lived with it, seemingly keeping it apart as much as possible from his life in Heliopolis and the people he cared about. Even Osiris seemingly doesn't know Seth can hear the dead calling to him, nor did potentially Isis.

He also doesn't seem to care about his followers at all (even before he starts slaughtering them en masse), and his awareness of them is quite distant, even before the night of usurpation (e.g., he had no idea who Kuentamen was, despite Kuentamen being the/one of Seth's high priests in Heliopolis, and gods having, allegedly, perfect memory/minds). They're convenient when he needs them, and an irritation when not. So while I imagine he appreciated being worshiped (and while he notably still expects humans to respect him), it wasn't that big a deal. As Seth says to FG in S02E85, "What do you mean, how will [humans] worship [gods]? Humans don't doubt us."

And of course we know that he was afraid of being forgotten, and that this is a fear he had that predated the night of usurpation.

As he explains to Osiris in S01E41, "I always just acted angry so that I wouldn't have to hear what [Nephthys] had to say. She was probably afraid of things ending up this way..." He had anxiety about his marriage - and his fatherhood - from numerous angles before he had confirmation that Anubis wasn't biologically his, and that Nephthys had sought out another man. It's not clear if he and Nephthys fought, or if he was verbally abusive, but he used anger to avoid talking to her directly. To avoid her admitting that she was moving past their relationship in some form. Their relationship was messy even before he knew why Nephthys had made it messy on her end.

So his marriage was a mess, he was at times distant from his son (their relationship is shown to be loving, but it had its complications), he didn't care much for his work, and he was distant if not uncaring to his followers, he had anxiety, he had some anger management issues, he had self-esteem issues, he wasn't communicating well with people, and he was prioritizing other folks in ways that were unhealthy for him all before the night of usurpation.

Isis describes the era before the four siblings ruled Egypt, before Seth became a god of war, as "a quiet, peaceful, beautiful era" in S02E80.

But we also know she was completely oblivious to Osiris' lust for Seth and his experiments and Nephthys seemingly being in love with Osiris at some point. Even in the peaceful era image, Osiris looks kind of upset/embarrassed. He might just be reacting to whatever Isis and Nephthys are laughing about, but I think it's notable he's behind her, where she can't see him. Perhaps for Isis it was beautiful. The question is if it was beautiful for Seth.

A lot of Seth's unhappiness seems to come from his being a god of war, and obviously things that came after that with Nephthys, Sekhmet, Osiris, Isis, Anubis, himself, etc. Perhaps he was happier in that time, before he became the god of war. We don't know. But what we do know is that Seth has been unhappy, in various ways, long before Osiris assaults him, and long before the events of the manhwa in present happen.

Why any of this matters: as someone who's dealt with depression and family members and friends with depression, it's very meaningful to me for various reasons that we have a character who might have some form of depression and/or other mental health problems and who also has happy moments, and I like to emphasize moments where he does find happiness. That not only is it possible for him but it also does happen. His being unhappy a lot does not negate the moments he is happy, or at least stable. A lot of folks in fandom look at Horuseth as it exists and are like, "well Seth's clearly not happy; he needs to not be around Horus to be happy." It's the main reason the Seth x Happiness "ship" exists. They expect him to always be happy, as if that's attainable and not kind of exhausting. As if no relationship ever has ups and downs (heck, even the purportedly "happy" relationship he had with Nephthys had downs from Seth's side due to his own insecurities and worries; love doesn't solve everything). But Horus has made him happy. Seth has reached out to him. Seth kissed him while being a bit overwhelmed by his own happiness at Horus seeing him. Seth finds joy in learning. He finds some joy in being good at fighting. He finds joy in protecting people and being useful.

He is happy in the manhwa, at least in moments. And I believe he'll be happier in future, too.

[doberbutts]

hey so feel free to delete this if its inappropriate/not the right time to share it

i’m a trans woman and (obviously) i can’t get pregnant, but i did get sexually assaulted by some guys trying to show was one of them. and also having an m marker has caused issues with trying to access resources and shit.

idk this isnt the same thing and all but my point is that im standing with u as some random trans woman with vaguely parallel experiences and im sorry to hear its somehow even worse & more likely for some of yall.

I wanr to preface this with a disclaimer, to get things out of the way first.

I am not trying to say that trans women do not experience devastating sexual assaults. They do. Quite often. Though to me, even once is too often. Rape and sexual assault are terrible, awful things. It's horrible that anyone has been made to go through this.

Nor am I trying to say that your M marker doesn't get in the way of things. When it comes to the domestic violence you experience, or the homelessness rates, or a determination of what prison you go to (esp since y'all are more likely to be wrongfully accused and arrested), or the various aspects of your own reproducive healthcare, your agab and gender marker is absolutely used as a weapon against you.

The question was asked for a unique example. Unfortunately, the conversation around reproductive rights is much different for me than it is for you. But it's also much different for me than for cis women and cis men as well. Those without a functional uterus cannot get pregnant. Those who cannot get pregnant are not forcibly married off to be raped until pregnant as a means of detransition and correction. This misogyny we share with cis women.

However an added aspect of that is that if this happens after we've changed our legal documents, an additional layer of transphobia occurs when insurances and doctors see our M or X markers and deny us care out of hand. Now we are stuck with a pregnancy we don't want and constant reminder of what happened to us, or a huge medical bill with devastating financial consequences.

And that's just for those who got out safety- for those who rely on shelters, again the choice becomes detransition for safety at a woman's shelter, or struggle in silence as a man. That, we share with you, though for different reasons.

A unique interection of transphobia and misogyny specifically experienced by trans men was asked for. That is what I provided. Much like how in Crenshaw's essays one could not provide a complete understanding of "because woman" or "because black" because neither would show the full picture of "because black woman", it is not possible to describe this fully as "because trans " or "because man" because the complete "because trans man" must be provided.

I am of the opinion that there is very little "unique" about oppression- mostly that the various points of intersection change its face. In other words, I think trans men share a lot with trans women, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I also think that doesn't disclude something from earning its own name or having its own place to be talked about.

I have hesitated to post those statistics because they can so easily be twisted to say "trans women don't experience these things" or "trans men have it worse". But, a look at the graphs say the first isn't true, it just happens at a statistically less rate. The second, well, I personally don't think it's useful to quantify who has it worse. I once was in that mindset, apologizing to my mentor (an older trans woman) for complaining about my problems because obviously she had it so much worse.

She told me she doesn't like to think about it like that. For her, she would rather be raped than killed. For me, I would rather be killed than raped. Who has it "worse" depends entirely on perspective. Murder and rape are both terrible crimes to be a victim of. Rather than weighing this violence in a scale, more effort should be put into stopping it from happening in the first place. I think she was very wise. I'm lucky to have known her.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I would like to reach across the table and take your hand, to walk forward into the future together. I think we are stronger when united in this world that hates us. You are my sister. We may fight like siblings, but you're still family.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

If the M6 had any mental disabilities (OCD, Autism, ADHD...) What do you think they would have?

Brainrot's Arcana Essays: M6's mental health conditions

@hewwo-its-floof .... this probably isn't where your ask was heading, but here's an essay! XD I've actually been turning this concept over in my head for several months now, so you'll see what I could see each of them having but you'll also see why I haven't unpacked it much ^.^

(cropped because this is long and addresses each character)

I'm going to be totally honest and say that I'm extremely hesitant to focus on diagnosing fictional characters beyond lighthearted headcanons. From my own experience of having multiple diagnoses at different times, people and characters tend to be fairly complex in the way their nature, nurture, and mental health interact with each other. So while it's really fun and in many ways healing and validating to see our experiences and habits reflected in a loveable character, it's easy to fall into a trap of confining ourselves or a character to the diagnoses we're focusing on.

Asra, Julian, Muriel, and Lucio, for example, all have the kind of lived experiences that you could fully expect would result in CPTSD. Asra's parents disappeared while they were a young child and they experienced the extended trauma of growing up homeless on the streets. Muriel experienced that same abandonment and homelessness, and then that gets layered with his experience in the Coliseum. Julian has clear memories of the trauma of being shipwrecked, losing his parents, and trying to care for his sister as a young boy, plus the apprenticing he did as a teen treating soldiers on active battlefields. Lucio has a similar traumatic background with the amount of time he's spent in combat and the kill-or-be-killed world he grew up in. Portia doesn't have any memories before the grandmothers at Nevivon, but that doesn't erase her body's memory or the chances of second hand trauma from her closeness to her brother. Nadia didn't exactly have an easy childhood, but we aren't aware of any traumatic incidents before adulthood.

All that to say, there's multiple ways to interpret behavior that reflects a mental condition that doesn't match what's considered "normal." Asra can seem ADHD coded - we've seen them fixate on curious puzzles, completely zone out and forget what they're doing, and turn their living space into a cozy state of chaos. That looks a lot like ADHD! But, that could also be the trauma coping mechanisms of someone who likes to live with the luxury of having a space covered in their things without fear of them being removed, or focusing solely on things that make their brain happy in an unpredictable world. Or maybe Asra's just a naturally curious person who finds chaos comforting and spends a lot of time in their own head. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above feeding into each other in different ways!

The same goes for the other three - does Muriel like a more isolated lifestyle because of the trauma from crowds in the Coliseum? Does he like to keep his own heavily guarded space and set routines from living on the streets? Or are those autistic traits, seeking out a space that isn't overstimulating and doesn't require masking? How much of that is natural introversion and a general preference for calm, ordered spaces? He could be a combination of some or all of those things, but he's still himself regardless. If we were to focus on just one, we'd risk leaving the rest to fade into the background.

Julian has one of the stories in which MC plays a very direct role in addressing his mental health. He depends on them heavily to help him find new purpose and a new way to live. You could almost say that MC helps "fix" him, but this doesn't involve losing a lot of the things that make him so messy - it mostly involves helping him dial it back enough so that it's no longer unhealthy. (for example - he drinks as a coping mechanism, but the solution isn't for him to never touch alcohol again. he still drinks and has a fun time, it's his need to self-isolate and self-destruct that really needed to be addressed) He can still be loud and flamboyant and entertaining without having to pin his worth on how much validation he gets from it. Could those super high highs and low lows be signs of bipolar disorder? Maybe, but whether it is or not, Julian's wide range of emotional expression is core to who he is.

Lucio is his own special case (I mean, the story starts out with him as the villain). The plot of his route is his transformation. It could be easy to read narcissism into a lot of his behavior, and if that's a diagnosis his character was built around, it would make sense! It could also be easy to argue that his tendency to idolize himself is a response to growing up in a world where he had no control and felt constantly unsupported and ignored. But the focus isn't on bashing how he sees himself as much as it is on teaching him accountability around what he does with that. Lucio at the end of his story still has a sizeable ego, still sees himself as a protagonist, and has no qualms about being good enough for MC. However, he's gained experience acknowledging his own flaws and mistakes and it's enabled him to seek out a fresh start.

We could unpack Portia and Nadia too - is Portia's super competence and hard working nature born out of the pressure to be strong and steady for her traumatized older brother? Did that cause the hyper responsibility that kept her adventurous spirit in Nevivon way past her childhood? Does her annoyance with her older brother's struggles come out of frustration at never being able to process her own difficulties in favor of playing therapist for everyone else? Are her loudly cheerful attitude, tendency to fill her day with work, and love of escaping into books all masking techniques for chronic depression? Maybe all of that is true, but it's accompanied by a conscious decision to be optimistic and a genuine love of caring for other people.

We could speculate about the source of Nadia's insecurities for hours - what did her old dynamic with Lucio look like? Where did her hesitance to get involved and try to fix a broken system come from? What caused someone with such a focused personality to make firm decisions and express deep doubts at the same time? Does her quest for influence come from a desire to implement improvements or a need for control? Maybe her love of precision, good omens, and controlled environments are a result of OCD, or maybe she's just discovered what it's like to have her confidence shaken and this is what it looks like to move forward.

I've processed my own share of eating and mental disorders, dysphoria, neurodivergence, disability, and trauma. Some of my diagnoses only lasted several months, others took decades to work past, and a few of them I know will be with me for the rest of my life. They help explain a lot of how I function, experience the world, and interact with others as a person. But those conditions and experiences are only part of the amalgamation that makes me who I am, who I've been, and who I'm becoming. I don't care to completely define myself by certain parts when the sum of who I am is what's going to decide my story, and I like extending that mindset to the stories, people, and characters I interact with as well.

I hope that makes sense, and sorry for the unexpected essay!!

Cheers, friend -

brainrot

[ghost-of-a-system]

sorry if this is kind of crossing a line, but how do you guys deal with thinking you're faking? ive been having more issues with it recently and its affecting my system,, i dont mean to but its an unfortunately common intrusive thought

no worries, it's definitely a common thought a lot of systems seem to get from time to time (at least from what we've seen)! i know we have, though for us it was usually less of an "i'm faking", and more of an "i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i have this, by acknowledging symptoms". we mostly got these thoughts in the first year or so of for-sure knowing about our system. while we met the criteria and general experiences of someone who has OSDD1, we found ourselves obsessively comparing our system to others we'd see online, or others that we knew. we saw systems who had things like inner worlds or extreme differences in skills & knowledge per alter. things that aren't specifically required to be one, but seemed so awfully common that we just thought they were unspoken guidelines we were missing. so, we were afraid we were "faking".

i don't know how much this can apply to others, but we can remember a good deal of indicators about having OSDD1 when we were younger, especially from the ages of 11-15 or so. (mainly, dissociative episodes, the presence of potential alters.) we obviously didn't know what it was then, nor did we really think it too out of the ordinary. but they were things that we were able to start connecting the dots with the more we learned about systems and ourselves later on.

looking back, our concerns kind of fizzled out with the more dots we connected. kinda hard to be gaslighting yourself into symptoms you don't even know are symptoms, right? the fact that we experienced these things for a long time prior to even learning about OSDD1 was usually enough to help us. but i can understand if it might not be safe for others to try to delve into their pasts like that. isn't really for me to say or speak much on.

this may also not apply to many others, but here's another way. ever since creating this account, actually, we've started to stop holding ourselves to these ridiculous standards in order to be a "normal system". we're learning to respect ourselves for the way we are, and we have noticed that since then, our life has gotten, clearer, almost? whereas before, i think our anxiety and paranoia about the way we functioned clouded a lot of our symptoms. we were always over-analyzing and overthinking everything, so much so that nothing felt genuine. and, like i stated at the beginning... basically all of our concerns over faking stemmed from comparing ourselves to others, personally.

i don't know if that makes sense, but we just stopped caring so much and acknowledged our symptoms as more of a passing thought rather than one we need to grab and study as soon as it occurs. i'm not too sure of the correlation, but i think our experiences/symptoms just. stopped feeling like something we were 'secretly, actively inducing', if that makes it any clearer? and, these things were happening on their own, and to degrees that simply could not be explained by anything other than OSDD1 or something similar. it's really hard to put into words so i'm sorry if that makes zero sense hah, but that's just what we've done. we haven't really had such thoughts ever since.

[cadmusfly]

New Year New Pinned Post

Hi! I'm Cad! It's most likely short for Cadmus (who was turned into a dragon) or Cadaeic (who ennumerates the digits of pi), but it could also be the Caddisfly (who weaves a cloak of trash), Cadmium (who paints in poisoned hues), or just Cad (the rogue and rascal).

I’m a semi-closeted transmasc Australian above the age of 25. I've been around on Tumblr for a while on and off with various blogs and sideblogs.

I'm a dilettante who dabbles in many fields like writing (AO3 account here), shitty drawing, programming, painting tiny miniatures, generative AI (I help run an ethical AI art group at @are-we-art-yet!), rambling and others.

I'm currently very into the Napoleonic Era and men in colourful uniforms and tight breeches holding muskets and sabres. You will see a lot of 26 Eight Year Olds Napoleon's marshals here, as well as fictional Englishmen on sailing ships.

Other interests include creative writing in general and theorycrafting on worldbuilding, literary analysis, tabletop roleplaying games and game design, bad computer science jokes, cats and more. I only really tag the things I’ve experienced or am interested in.

I will be yelling into the void about whatever I feel like, which includes creative writing projects like fanfic or original writing like SbS, an urban fantasy about a zoomer undergrad befriending a ghostly naval captain.

Like pretty much everyone on this website I’m a little shy and anxious, but feel free to say hi! And if we've chatted, feel free to ask for my Discord!

-

Sideblogs Of Note

@shippostinginabottle - aesthetic, inspiration and reference blog

@teuthisdreams - Generative AI sideblog, mostly AI art of melting rainbow sailing ships - all created under the code of ethics of the leftist AI art collective Art We Art Yet?

@mostshipshape - a highly experimental weekly Age of Sail roleplaying game that ran for six weeks from 13/06/2022 to 5/08/2022 with public participation for polls

@armagnac-army - joke ask/roleplay blog portraying a parodic exaggeration of Marshal Jean Lannes, loyal and loud best friend of Emperor Napoleon, with guest appearances from the surly Marshal Jean-de-Dieu Soult

@murillo-enthusiast - uh oh Soult got one too

-

Additional Links

List of Perchance Random Generators I’ve Made

List of Sci Fi Short Stories that Set My Brain on Fire

Archive Of Our Own Link

Simple Stable 2.0 Link (free and open source interface for ai image generation using google's servers that I maintain)

Previous Pinned Post

-

If I unfollow or unmutual you, it’s nothing personal! Feel free to unfollow or unmutual me as well if you’d like!

This post is also a disclaimer that I will post whatever I feel like on this blog, so you have been warned!

[sophieinwonderland]

Do systems have a personality outside of being a system? Seems like it’s all you ever talk or think about. What are you avoiding?

DID is part of a dissociative spectrum, the extreme end of it. It involves experiencing frequent distress that interferes with living your life. It isn’t fun. Alters aren’t separate personalities. They’re more akin to emotional states and then “normal” parts that allow for daily functioning. It isn’t anything at all the way media portrays it.

If you want to create a character or an alter ego, go for it. You’re probably super creative, and if that’s how you want to channel your creativity, that’s awesome. Nothing wrong with that.

(This is a draft from September.)

Of course we do! Some would say we have multiple!

Obviously, systems who run system blogs tend to talk a lot about system stuff on those system blogs. It's like how people who run political blogs will talk mostly about political stuff on those political blogs. That's pretty normal.

And naturally, things tend to get filtered through system lenses. "My host thinks X, where I think Y," so systemhood is obviously going to be a big part of our lives in that way.

Anyway, I'm a tulpa and we've never claimed to have DID.

BUT, we have read enough literature on the subject and I don't agree with your description of how it works exactly.

Alters are quite a bit more than the emotional states of singlets, to the point of barely even being comparable. They have their own memories, wants and desires, etc. They also have their own emotional states. (Which is why many papers refer to individual alters as subsystems.)

Alters are frequently reported with their own names and sense of self, their own genders, and even their own species. Fictives have been recorded in the literature, including in The Haunted Self where it was mentioned one patient system had alters from Star Trek.

Alters can communicate with each other and the current fronter through the generation of auditory hallucinations. (Usually in mind-voices.) And can cause other forms of hallucinations or pseudo-hallucinations.

While I think emotional states might be able to become alters or headmates if you compartmentalize them enough (see the Splinters in my Foundations post), I think most descriptions of alters line up much better with John Locke's definition of a person, being "a thinking intelligent Being, that has reason and reflection, and can consider it self as itself, the same thinking thing in different times and places" than a singlet's emotional states would.

And while DID does involve emotional distress, it's also worth noting that studies have shown a majority of voice hearers with DID report that they would miss their voices if they weren't there. Significant distress/impairment are criteria because they need to be present to some extent at the time of diagnosis. But that's not all the disorder is. It's much more complicated than that.

And I need to say this, because even though I don't have the disorder, I do see DID systems fakeclaimed all the time by people who decide that having a disorder means there can never be any positives and anyone who experiences happiness with DID must be lying. Which is just completely false.

Oh... thank you... I kind of had this whole draft written before this came in and don't want to let it go to waste. But I appreciate the apology and wish you the best. 💖

[hildyj]

Podcast Recs: History & Culture

In Our Time is a discussion programme on BBC Radio 4 that's been going for 25 years, where a host, Melvyn Bragg, and three researchers/lecturers/professors from various UK universities discuss and illuminate their specialist topic. Very informative and wide-reaching, but can become a bit dense at times. When it's at its pinnacle, it's like attending the best university lecture you've ever experienced.

Past Present Future is a fairly new podcast, but it's already very promising. It just finished a summer season where the host goes through various influential essays in the Western canon (from Montaigne and Thoreau to James Baldwin and Susan Sontag) and enters into a sort of essay of his own, placing them within their time but also making up a sort of dialogue between them, so that the great minds can communicate and discuss ideas across centuries. It's partnered with the London Review Of Books, so it's centering its discussion of ideas on both non-fiction and fiction books.

I understand the criticisms and I've heard the jokes, but I have to admit that The British Museum is one of my favourite museums in the world, mostly because it's a testament to the magnificence of the whole of humanity, of how inventive and how creative we can be, and how we've been like that since the beginnning. Listening to A History of the World in a 100 Objects is like a trip to the museum with a knowledgable guide. The host has chosen one object found in The British Museum and uses that for fiteen minutes to illuminate a small part of human history, going from the earliest tools found in Africa to a solar-powered lamp of today. It covers the entirety of the world and all ages, as much as that can be achieved in 100 fifteen-minute episodes. It's ambitious but it pulls it off.

You Must Remember This is just the thing if you want to learn more about Old Hollywood. It covers a wide range of topics from the history of the blacklisting of suspected communists in the film industry in the 1950s, to the feud between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, and a thorough history of the Manson Family Murders. The seasons are all extremely well-researched and professionally presented, and it's easy to pick and choose whatever sounds the most interesting to you. A personal favourite is "Dead Blondes", which is a history of Hollywood blonde sex symbols from the 1920s to the 1980s and their often tragic ends.

[felixfellowish]

My truthful, personal dog ownership story so far...

I've been wanting to write about this for a long time already but never seemed to find the right time for it. It's not a thing you can describe quite easily or just with a few words, but I decided to try my best just before going to bed. Enjoy :3

So, some background: I had wanted a dog for a loooong time. Ever since I was a kid, I had asked my parents if we could get a dog. We didn't, but we got a cat instead and I ended up growing up with the said cat and I loved him more than I could ever describe. But yeah, long story short, after we lost our cat and I had recovered from the most painful grieving stage, I started researching different dog breeds. Because shiba inus have cat-like quirks and my bf, who knows a loooot about dogs, encouraged me, it was the dog breed I settled on. And I waited around 5 years until my life situation allowed me to start the process to get a dog of my own.

As I said, I had waited around 5 years. I knew getting a dog was going to change my life, but I was ready for it. Because I had social anxiety, I thought having a dog would help me, even though it wasn't going to be pleasant at first. I was ready to love another animal again and create wonderful memories together. The moment I saw the photo of the the puppy I was going to get was wonderful and unforgettable. We drove to the breeder with my bf and brought the little baby home.

And then I got the most major puppy blues ever after my bf drove back home (we're in a long distance relationship.) Do I really know how to take care of the puppy? No one told me it was going to be this hard. Am I ever going to be able to have some alone time again? After experiencing lots of hardships in my life, I always felt like my home was a safe space for me - somewhere where I could hide from the world, and now there was this needy creature there distracting me 24/7. My mental health was killing me - I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't sleep, I was like a walking zombie and I felt like I had made a big, big mistake. I had to be honest to my folks and my bf: I don't know if I'm going to make it.

They could've been really nasty to me about the whole thing. After all, it was my own decision to get the dog and hell, why was I whining about it after waiting for so long. But no, everyone was very, very supportive towards me. I ended up travelling to my mom's place with Toru (the puppy), just so I could get some sleep. My mom promised to help however she could, and sometimes it's enough when you have someone by your side when you're feeling down.

Adjusting was hard, but I'm more than happy to say that I don't feel the puppy blues that much anymore. The word itself, "puppy blues", really doesn't describe how bad it can get, because I was having a full blown mental breakdown. Toru himself has been an easy puppy overall: he's smart and was mostly potty trained from the start. He started teething quite fast, and so me and my mom's ankles have suffered a looooot, but we've survived even that (thanks to my bf who has made lots of visits and helped me to become better at understanding dogs and different training methods). I'm still veeery stressed sometimes, but things are getting better day by day, and I know recovery doesn't isn't always - if ever - linear.

Having an animal in your life is not easy in my opinion. It's not easy to make space for them in your life and to love, because they end up meaning the world to you. And even though the beginning has been rough, I don't know, I'm extremely proud of myself for enduring everything.

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

Trigger warning, this post talks about death farther in. Hopefully I covered the tags.

Nope, turns out that we may be in a stable enough environment to go through our childhood trauma, but we're not stable enough to hold major fusions together. Life still kinda sucks enough to make it stressful enough for a single dramatic event to easily pull us back apart. It wasn't just Maxie, and of course me now, but also at least Galaco.

To use the astronomy metaphors again, it's also not as if black holes merge too easily, too. If some of us are 'faces', and those are like the center black holes of galaxies, of course it's going to take a lot more stability to fuse entirely. We've reached a general state of functional multiplicity, though it's still a bumpy road. There have been some...off things that happened and made us uncover the kinds of bullshit we very forcibly repressed in ourselves.

Seer is the responsible party for truly isolating most parts that were thrown into that state. He's a whole entire asshole, though it's technically not saying much since we're all some degree of asshole here. But Seer is a special kind of asshole among us. It makes sense that he's the one who allowed the coup to go through, and that Ash had to get him onboard. Of course, Ash kept it a point to build a relationship with him so he would stay on board (to the point of also recommending what was at the time a comforting new appearance: Xemnas). Looking back, that was absolutely key to building up to where we are now. His friendliness is undoubtedly what ensured him success, but also he was a lot smarter in books and logic than his source. Mom and Dad didn't call us Smart Cookie for nothing, after all.

The irony of the full mechanics of the role, then picking to look like Xemnas by the end of high school is not lost. Ash suggesting it to him before we played anything other than Days and even knew the full storyline of that specific game. I think Seer is just going to keep that appearance, mostly.

The part Maxie was calling Carol is somewhat confusing, as if we got a couple parts conflated. He didn't have a name before, and only identified with our legal name. I think some of the confusion was because of Seer, since he's known for muddying things between parts. There's another part that emerged after Seer, that was involved in expanding our dissociative barriers in an attempt to create more order. It appears that this part was taken and made into a living wall between realms and layers. For now, Seer is working with that part to remake our structures to function exclusively for stability.

He's also working with Circe on the littles that were kept in isolated serenity. Some were there to be kept safe, and others were put alone to keep the rest of us safe. Seer has been easy to work with, thankfully. It's like with the way Rhodes has experienced becoming more stable. This level of logic several of us have been working from lately just leaves it impossible for stubborn pride to take root too deeply. And part of Seer's whole thing is functioning on what's most logical.

With all that said, we've been able to uncover some more of the parts suppressed for our own safety. A few of us freaked out at that, though, because they were marked as threats to the self for good reason. We were not actually a happy child, even if we forced ourselves to be as nice and sweet as possible around others. My family kept me afloat at that time. And I managed to keep those parts mostly down for years.

Things began to slip after Mom died. She'd been my strongest anchor even when we were apart. But I can't brush over the effect that my cat's death had on me. I lost him less than a year and a half after Mom passed. I wasn't able to cry. I was drained by my constant pain. But he was also deeply special to me, and I wish I'd had the energy to start bawling. Instead, I just laid on the floor in front of my desk and stared at the ceiling.

I'd gotten him when I was in the fourth grade, shortly before Mom came home from the hospital having her first leg amputated. He was about thirteen and a half years in the end. He was a good kitty. Literally, so good for both me and Mom, like a little guardian angel.

After my first try at college turned out to be a hard fail, I started slipping faster. I don't know who it started with exactly, but it rippled out over time in waves. There were seldom ever actual specific thoughts on how, but I wanted to just...go away and never have to bother anyone else ever again. By late high school, I recognized what those feelings were representing. On the phone one night with both Mom and Dad, at night when Grandma was asleep and everyone else was gone, I brought up those feelings. They told me that they believed in me, and talking about it was a good sign that I'd be ok. I'm pretty sure that conversation was at the end of the eleventh grade.

I had been healing. Mom pushed us to get therapy and get help. Get back on medications. But I still hedged my sense of self on outside sources that I knew wouldn't be around forever. And because of that, when I lost both of those primary anchors in my life, I shattered and then shattered some more in extra dimensions.

Seer seems to have pulled all the stops to prevent the bad end from actually happening. At least, after the disaster with Melissa. He was, at that time, fully complicit with breaking ties in panic over our own safety. But when that actually left us doing worse, he pulled the last of our stops that barely careened us into New Age bullshit delusions. We kinda still wanted the world to end, but the absurd conditions placed on that at least ensured we carried on just a little bit more. Endlessly.

Then Dad told us to use spite when we had nothing else. Context of that was our family who basically hates us. Do it to spite them.

And Charles moved in with us, and actively worked on pulling me back into reality. He got me able to meet my girlfriend when she was in Maryland on a university summer work program. Which actually helped bring us both back to reality. At the time, we had only been enabling each other's delusions for years. The enabling eventually slowed to a stop after that. It got a lot easier to operate in the real world and get my life in any kind of order.

No one ever knew just how much I wanted to end everything. Not even my conscious self. There were instances where I said something so completely out of character to someone. I didn't even get it. It was always so strange. The depths of them were hidden and tucked away in the shadows of other things more benign.

There are still going to be rough times ahead with coping. There will be days where I'm so scared that all I can do is stay curled up in bed. There will be days that some internal wrangling is required to keep us safe. But the main difference now is that we function pretty cohesively as a team. And the team is expanding to cover things we couldn't before. We can handle what comes.

Seer was off about the intent of the drone not being about power. Yes, we wanted everyone to feel seen and represented. But we were also intentionally pooling our power as individual parts. It's just not about running the show with an iron fist. We're pooling our strengths to cover each other's weaknesses.

Pooling our power through the drone is what helps us wrestle back control before newly found parts can cause any true problems. The drone is ultimately about self control at this point. It's also why we don't have an outside controller or hive right now. We haven't been ready due to secrets and hidden triggers we knew were still left in our mind that we knew could be dangerous. We don't want to take such things into that kind of a community and relationship.

I'll probably make a post mostly about the drone later, to end this post on something positive. I want to talk about it some, but not in such a post as this.

-Caelienn 🌹😺

[gunsli-01]

Hey, so something's been bothering me since Yuno's second trial, and i've yet to see anyone point it out, i'm not sure if this is relevant or anything, but...

Who's the daddy?

Like, we've had two trials now, and almost no information on which client was the father. My best guess is Schoolgirl Yuno, and that's just because she actually seems to like that one? She's the only one that's never blue, she dissapears after the abortion is done, and the coat from t2 is hers

I love her, she's one of my faves, but i keep getting the sinking feeling that we missed something vital. And since the father is the only thing that hasn't been explained, i'm kind of fixating on it endlessly (contrary to her wishes, but we have a job to do babe, sorry)

I'm not sure where i was going with this, but... thoughts?

(sorry if this is a weird ask, honestly i'm just kind of losing it and i need someone to tell me if i'm focusing on the wrong thing. Also hi, this might actually be the first thing i've done on Tumblr. So, hi?)

Hi! It's definitely not a weird question to ask at all. I've discussed how a lot of things regarding Yuno were overlooked during her first and second trial. Mostly focusing on the very purposeful ignoring of her feelings regarding her crime and our verdict.

I feel like a lot of people neglected to look in the father of the child in favor of turning Yuno's case into a pro-choice vs anti-abortion debate. It was a politicization tactic that ended up working in Yuno's favor but something I very much believe she will dislike given her statements during her first interrogation,

In her first interrogation four minutes and thirty-four seconds into it she says this to Es after she says it's her belief Es won't be able to judge the prisoners.

"Ah! No that's not it. It's different from what you're thinking, prison guard."

"Then, could you let me hear about it in more detail."

"Well, this has been on mind ever since I first heard about the system... Prison guard, you decide who's guilty and innocent here, don't you?"

"That's right."

"Prison guard, that's nothing more than your likes and dislikes, right? I'm not super well read in it... But Japan's a nation where the rule of law prevails, right? Getting people to decide on what's good or bad outside of that will make them go all haywire, won't it?"

She then elaborates-

"For example, news outlets. They always make a big fuss about adultery, inappropriate comments, immodesty and so on... Right? Just to start criticizing the people who make appearances on there. Don't you think it's all so ridiculous? There's no end to how much people will punish one another outside of the law."

What happened during Yuno's second trial the reasoning people displayed fed into the same thing that Yuno herself admonishes during her first interrogation. The policization and scrutinizing of individuals lives outside the realm of the law. Something that rarely ever ends and extends the duration of pain that all parties may be experiencing.

This is in my opinion why the father of Yuno's child was conveniently overlooked. The political framing used to secure her innocent verdict isn't about the father but Yuno having the right to do whatever she chooses with her body. As it is her right and something she should be allowed to do regardless of anyone else's opinion.

Yet, it's not difficult for people to see how that framing conveniently ignores the fact that some random ass adult man may have gotten an eighteen-year-old pregnant. Or how that eighteen-year-old was to their own blatant admission a sex worker. Meaning that there were probably legal steps taken or put in place around all the work she'd been doing including contingencies in the case a pregnancy did occur. Something the new translation of Undercover alludes to-

"“UNDER” My cord’s being pulled but nothing’s ever enough Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE."

Along with lyrics in Umbilical,

"Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer What do you want to do? Please tell me."

"What type of girl do you like? I want to become like that, but that’s probably too hard for me."

I think a lot of people within the Milgram fandom are too young to understand sex work is work with legal restrictions and polices around it. Work that attracts many high-profile individuals as clientele. It can involve NDA's and contracts that the workers themselves have to sign. It can also lead to news scandals that can go on for months on end if those high value clientele are found to have met with sex workers at any point let alone are found out to have gotten one of those workers pregnant.

In Tear Drop it's alluded to that there are several possible options for the father of Yuno's child. The several different versions of her outside of the lingerie one being stand ins for her clientele. It seems to me that Yuno wanted this man to be the father given the lyrics that appear alongside these images,

"The wanted wanting the wanter. The overlap, isn’t that some sort of perfection? “Poor naive little girl”? So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd."

So, chances are the father of the child was one of her clients and taking into consideration how sex work can be her getting pregnant at all could be considered a breach of contract. If one of her clients could prove that she did it on purpose.

Hence the repeated line of "I messed up. I found out." as Yuno giggling can also be heard. I've discussed the whole concept of pregnancy entrapment before when it comes to Yuno mostly in regards to getting her a 50/50 because it was apparent to me being voted overwhelmingly innocent for the reasons people were stating would more than likely piss her off more.

Because it conveniently overlooks every other thing, she's been saying since the beginning in favor of just keeping what looks the best. Ultimately, though the father of the kid was more than likely one of her several clients who she represents as the version of herself she was while with them. Basically, the outfits she wore to match with them while out.

Q.28   How do you decide what clothes to wear for the day?

Haruka: I wear what’s there

Yuno: I pick something to match with the person I’ll be with.

Though since the guy with the watch is all we see in the second video he's probably the one Yuno liked back and possibly wanted to be with.

[darkenforcer]

permanent plotter / rship call !

YEAH OK... i'll finally post one of these!!!

give this a like and you'll be lawfully and contractually signing up for:

dms (more specifically an introductory one to ask if you have ideas, but it's totally fine if you don't have any yet! we can always figure it out as we go)

more ic ask memes! or dropping into your inbox for funsies

...just dash interactions in general

you can still like this post if we've already thrown ideas around abt our blorbos. bc ur epic

for types of relationships, you can find a handy-dandy list to get that creativity flowing below the cut:

friends. yuri can be an aloof dingus, but this is wayyy easier than one may think. whether or not he actually acknowledges it, he's on friendly terms with a lot of people since he likes good timez -- befriending him just comes with being the target of pranks and sass, that's all. join his ever-growing list of besties...... this can also extend to passing acquaintances, though! they can poke at each other like once a month & he'd be perfectly content.

found family. yuri has a habit of accidentally adopting rowdy kids (for better or worse, depending on who you ask). that is all. seriously, though, vespy heavily revolves arnd a found family, so of course i have a bias. it's common for him to take on a big brother role, but he's still on the younger side of adulthood and makes more than enough dumb decisions to deserve a scolding from older / more experienced folk.

mercenary-based stuff. since he's a sword-for-hire, it's totally possible for him to run into people during jobs! like an unlucky bystander, potential protégé, rival merc, employer, or even... the target!? *gasp*. anyway, the sky's the limit with this one, and it doesn't have to be limited to fight scenarios (murder-y stuff's the only thing off the table, like 99% of the time)! it could be fun.

enemies/rivals. having actual enemies takes wayyy too much energy, so he definitely won't be the one putting effort into making any (not on purpose, anyway). unless your muse is the one trying to beat him up, or if they're corrupt beyond saving, yuri'll probably just ignore them lol. rivalries are more likely, considering he's pretty darn competitive and battle-obsessed. not to mention all the teasing...

romance. hm. he'll flirt w/ ppl who seem interested and all that, but most of what he says comes from a place of banter. i have my own scientifically-based headcanons that make the idea of yuri + love messy as hell (sorry), though that's mostly because there haven't been any reasons for him to confront any of it yet. in other words, it's possible for a serious ship to happen, it'd just need planning and time. aside from that, go wild with the no-strings-attached stuff!

[openly-journaling]

Citlali - Saturday January 6 2024

It's funny I was just thinking about why we even have a diary or journal or whatever that we even write in. Especially when days have been so uneventful.

Ithaqua is now spending more and more time away from the front and with his now husband Alva (they got married in headspace on the 1st)

Fern/Smidge spends most of his time off with his boyfriend Sorrow and I am now with Fantasy.

Fantasy insists on getting time with his brother so I'm by myself mostly right now. Though Plague joined me at front awhile.

What is going on with our system one can only wonder. We formed Marshmallow recently to protect us over a few phrases that trigger us. So hopefully we can reduce the amount of stress and rapid switching when such phrases set us off.

Marshmallow also insists on almost completely reworking the system (helping people into groups, giving them better spaces, and finding out who's all where exactly since we hardly pay attention to each other outside of our own spaces in the headspace) good for him, he's keeping busy.

I suppose all this journaling is just good for keeping track of things but as far as we aren't concerned our memories aren't split and we remember it all anyway. Feels more like a vent post some days.

I've also caught myself in the midst of consistently having to reassure my bf (Fantasy) and others in the system when they're facing issues and I hope we can improve but it's so strange at times.

Kind of slipping back into Maladaptive daydreaming as well out of boredom while we wait to finally start college on the 11th.

Psychology. If we can get into that we can further study DID/OSDD and endo systems and hopefully uncover the truth once and for all. I would speak of this more in depth on our plans but at the same time there is a selfish part of us that doesn't fully want others nosing in on our research and how we plan to go about it. Thanks to a friend we've been given another approach even on how to study this that may not have been considered before.

We would need several volunteers from endo, endo neutral and anti endo communities and not just from our own perspective. We only know our experiences.

But something we've noticed talking with endos is that they tend to experience some things antis never speak about experiencing. I will not list them here. Still, if there's a chance to learn more, we wish to find out.

But first, I suppose, we start with basic steps. Basic learning. Hopefully it won't take too long for us to actually be allowed to do research and dedicate our life to further understanding this disorder that most other psychologists probably won't delve into.

We'd also like to understand psychiatry. Hopefully one day we'll have a breakthrough.

[dragon-at-dawn]

hi there ! im part of a system and have been wondering about therian things for a while now. specifically how that would apply to systems. we're questioning being a tiger therian right now because things are a bit confusing for us, we have one alter that's basically a tiger (demon, but anatomy is mostly tiger), like maybe 10 alters who have had species dysphoria stuff from time to time when they're in front (human bodies in system, but feel like tiger), and some who just don't get species dysphoria at all. we don't know much about therian stuff and the few therians we've asked on various sites haven't given us much to go off of so honestly i don't know if we can consider our system a therian, or if only some of us are therians, or what. sorry if this is a tough question but you seem super cool and very knowledgeable about this kind of stuff so i thought maybe you could help.

- argos, clover patch system

hello!! it's wonderful to meet you, and thank you for the kind words. i will preface my response by saying that while i do not consider myself plural, i will do my best to answer your question as it relates to me and my identity, and also my understanding of how plurality can relate to being nonhuman. perhaps there are systems who can chime in to assist and explain better than i can. when i began questioning my nonhumanity i did not necessarily have the words to describe how i was feeling - i could only go off of of what i was experiencing and how uncomfortable i was in my own body. for me, it took time. those feelings never went away, the dysphoria persisted, and it really was not until i was a bit older that i even found the right terminology. these persistent feelings and experiences solidified my identity as nonhuman (especially once i realized that the internet had quite a lot of information on the topic) and i continued to explore that part of myself well into adulthood. that is not to say that everybody's experience (including yours) is going to be the same. in regards to my understanding of plurality, i believe that it depends on the system how you may experience therianthropy. there are some systems where only one - or multiple - headmates are therian. there are also systems who collectively experience shifts or dysphoria as a whole and not individual headmates. or, systems with only certain members who consider themselves therians. from my understanding of what you have told me, it sounds like the dysphoria persists and sort of 'bleeds' over with some of the other members and perhaps is a strong collective experience from your tiger alter. would the other members of your system who have these feelings consider themselves nonhuman, or does only your tiger alter? labels exist simply to give us words to express how we feel - if you and other headmates do not consider yourself nonhuman but your tiger alter (and perhaps those who experience the dysphoria you are describing) do, it sounds like they might find comfort in therianthropy and perhaps would be willing to further explore how that manifests in themselves. i think that at the crux of understanding what therianthropy means to you and your system, whether it be your experience or an alter's, is (and always will be) an intensely personal experience. there is no one way to experience a life journey and nobody else (besides you and your system) is going to be able to see through the same lens you do - this is especially true with nonhumanity and why there are so many different interpretations and writings about it. i did not want to leave you without at least one resource - i think that @houseofchimeras does a wonderful job on both tumblr and with their website talking about their experience being both a plural system and a therianthrope. you will find a lot of resources there if you are not following them already, and find likeminded community. i do hope that i was helpful, and please remember to be kind to yourselves. i have only positive thoughts for your journey, and wish you and your alters all the best.