#and if i dont regularly force myself to do People Things then i feel WAY more awkward and uncomfortable the next time i try

[grimrester]

as someone who has to actively practice socializing as a skill, i get so genuinely irritated with people online who wont interact with people irl bc its hard and treat it like its a funny personality quirk and not, like, a serious mental health problem. like im really sorry youve atrophied your social skills (ive been there!) but it does not make you interesting or cute and its absolutely a factor in why you feel miserable all the time. and the only way to get better is to do it anyway even though it is awful and awkward and humiliating

[mrfoox]

Uuuuh, how to manage the bare minimum without struggling so bad?

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

[tannieastrology]

Capricorn Venus-Learning To Love, Love🤎🧸

☕️ How I imagine a love for Capricorn Venuses one day- Something REAL. Something that warms your heart. Someone to just come home to.

Kinda a personal story<3

☕️🧸First off people who have Capricorn Venus or Venus aspecting Saturn how did yall meet yalls partner and how would you describe your experience in dating? Let me know your experiences down in the comments!

☕️🧸Some common themes- unrequited love, being unable to catch feelings, work/school focused, unsatisfying relationships, liking people for years, low self worth, having to go through many obstacles, strong souls, gracefully age.

☕️🧸My Venus is in Capricorn in the 3rd house conjunct Jupiter, Pluto, and POF and trines my Virgo Saturn in the 11th. All of my friends are older and I actually met my friendgroup because of my older sister and find it difficult to make friends regularly. I also mostly hangout with older people but when it comes down to dating I am very inexperienced even though I know im only 16.

☕️🧸Like ive never talked to anyone and when I like someone ive had a pattern of liking them for like 2-3 years( my venus being in the 8th degree of scorpio). I also dont get approached alot and while I do have guys approaching me here and there theyre never my type.

☕️🧸Like I LOVE classy men but guys my age just arent like that it kinda bums me out. Watching people easily get into relationships ever since I was a kid and being able to attract anything they want in love matters made me really think I was ugly for the longest time.

☕️🧸For one I literally was a ugly duckling from elementary to middle school and I didnt really go to a school where indian features were appreciated(a majority of my school is hispanic and black). I always kept quiet about my crushes because I always thought no way they could like me?

☕️🧸It wasnt really until this year(my sophmore year) where I realized I have grown sooo much as a person. Beauty wise and personality wise. The way my Venus has impacted me the most was friends because of the relationship of my 3rd and 11th house. I lost friends, was lied to, and backstabbed and eventually made me realize that I wasnt the problem. The people around me are just vain. This made me go into depression for a while but also made me reflect on my relationships.

☕️🧸Eventually I thought why do I deserve any less? And yall dont understand this was such a turning point for me because it made me cut off so many unnecessary people in my life along with raising my standards within my relationships which is EXACTLY what Capricorn Venus should learn to do if they feel theyre relationships arent satisfying. Not just friends but in romantic interests too. Like I actually have boundries for myself but I will say that I lost alot of my innocence when it comes to love. The biggest thing for me personally is that I grew into myself but it took a longer time for that to happen for me compared to my peers but man sometimes people be hyping me up and I just dont know how to deal with it because I grew up ugly LMFAO.

☕️🧸Saturn here will force you to be patient and learn alot of valuable lessons for not only romantic love, but also friendships and familial relationships. Because one thing ive noticed is that these people are very sweet, soft hearted, and always wanted to fall in love, but as they got older they had unsatisfactory in those experiences and come to take the stereotype of being “cold” when in reality you just come to realize that people are disappointing. With time ive noticed we age well and we meet more serious people as we get older but you just have to deal with immaturity for a little while until that happens. All in all Capricorn Venuses will get what they deserve and I PROMISE you will be fine asf when u get old so hang in there.😘

If I were to give you a love based on a movie itd be this one<3

I really hope yall enjoyed this I wanted to give my insight on it so here I came🥰

[cali]

im a different anon but im just curious what advice you would give to someone whos been pillbugging it for um. over a year now

mmm i cant really answer how to stop having depression which im guessing is what u mean + i dont know how ur head works but ive been living mostly NEET-ly for more than 2 yrs now and everyday im getting a better curve at dealing with it so i can tell u what works for me.

half the time when im pillbugging hard im paralyzed by a nontangible fear and the only thing that could stop it is adressing wherever the fear is coming from but the confrontation of the topic, trying to figure out where its even coming from, is terrifying too so i dont do it and stay swimming in tar. theres a sentence people keep saying when they explain why they watch 2 hour video essays "it makes my head go quiet". thats the enemy, the thought, not the person saying it. long term i mean. when its short term anguish that can be bridged by pillbugging its fine i think but if ur "making ur head quiet" for more than a month i urge u to make it go really loud again but thats hard. the only times i can try and confront those thoughts is when i feel otherwise nice, if i got externally forced to have a fun day, hike with my papa, date day with my girlfriend, sometimes just got myself to make a nice meal and it helped, when u feel better its a little less scary and u can maybe try and think out of it a little better. also i think on those days youre generally more positively charged so u got more hope outlook. COOL. i think this is why some people do meditation. im not good at it so i dont really know but i think its a brave pasttime of tackling unpleasant ideas. i used to try and dope my way out of it with lsd cuz everytime i used it it kind of forced me to confront whatever trouble i had but ive forbad myself that cuz i didnt want to rely on it as crutch + it was just unpleasant to get hit over the head everytime. now i only do it when i feel good already (havent done it in half a year lol). sorry, drug tangent. also weed is synonymous with pillbugging 4 me.

otherwise, rituals.... mmmmm..... when therapists and whoevers say stuff like take daily walks daily exercise take daily shower i think all of those are like half about the direct benefits they give and half just about doing anything regularly. cuz it helps. during pillbug hours the point for me is kind of to have time pass as fast as possible so the timeframe to hurt is reduced which is counterproductive cuz if it flows u by rlly hard u cant really grasp onto anything to get off the ride easily. and its never going to come really easy theres no probable single action or event that is going to singlehandedly pull u out of the mire, no rapture, no healing vitamin, its always going to be slow and tedious and boring and stupid but a routine is a nice framework to start that. brushing ur teeth is nice. and when u do something daily the days start becoming more tangible again and u will be able to tell how many days ago tuesday was. maybe u can think abotu what factors motivate u and twist them to do your biddinggg. shame and dissapointment works really well for me if i tell someone i will have this done by then and i dont it usually overpowers the malaise or whatever other reason has been making me not do it prior. but this requires social bonds and i cant guarantee u have those. in summer i started doing therapy cuz in germany i need it for transgenderism and shes also a good beacon for that, if she says do something until next time we meet i dont want to dissapoint her. other than that, um idk, everyting else is just kind of part of that. take walks even if u dont want to think about things even if its scary. be brave like childrens book illustration of knight slaying dragon. and then maybe u get a princess kiss

[melloneah]

this is all for the writer ask!!! :3 hope it's not too much >_<" answer the ones you're comfortable answering and don't force yourself to answer all of them if you don't want to! <3

🌵🥤🌻🍄📚 🍬🔪🥐🏜🦋🐝🧩

EHEHEHEHEHHE NEVER TOO MUCH THANK U SMMMMMM 🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

i dont really listen to premade playlists, so ill link mine >:333 this is a playlist i made for a roadtrip to berlin, including all the songs i was listening to at the time, and ive since been adding new ones actively, so it's literally just a huge list of everything i love :D 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

first of all gonna plug my besties ofc @levi-dayne writes sick ass fics for death note @uriekukistan writes amazing itafushi angst (and not only :33) SENDING BOTH OF THEM SMOOCHES GO READ THEIR STUFF! and a fic that id read recently and LOVEDDD was all about love by fullvoid (@casgore on here :3) the yuuji characterisation broke my heart - it was a gutwrenchingly real way of depicting mental illness, and i loved seeing how different he acted around people vs alone. and it was super cool seeing a healed megumi helping yuuji rather than the other way around!!! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!!

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis FIRST OF ALL U!!!!!! i love the mutual interactions THANK U FOR BEING HERE!!!! @alonelystargazer is very sweet and i interact with her pretty regularly i feel :3 THANK U FOR INTERACTING WINNIE!!!!<3 cant think of anymore rn but if i do i WILL edit this post TRUST 🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

megumi likes penne but yuuji hates it so they always disagree over pasta shape if theyre making it for dinner. yuuji always wins bc his favourite is spaghetti and obviously everyone likes spaghetti so megumi doesnt bother fighting him on it 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

HEHEHEHEH nervous. lets see "what kinda gay shit goes on around here when im not around" LMAO the choso x todo wip in action. what a quote thank u past me. you'll find out the context once i post it sjdhfgsjhfks

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hmmmmm from random shit i think like. 1980s window designs in england lmaooo

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

answered here :333

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ARRGRHRG ANY COMMENT. i get so excited u cant even imagine. i sometimes type 'AO3' in my gmail just to delude myself that i got a comment and get that little pang of joy seeing the notif 😭 my favvvv must be ones that quote certain lines tho bc then im like HEY!!!! I WROTE THAT!!!! U LIKED THAT??? DUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS I WROTE IT

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i feel like an everpresent topic ive had on my mind especially often for the last year is kindness. there's a multitude of things i could say, whether that's bashing people for lacking it, or get all teary over how beautiful it is (which!! it is!!!) but i think what ive recently discovered is that it's my only constant :3 when everything else goes wrong, that's all i have, and im really happy it's second nature to me (altho im still actively working on making myself better!!!!)

yeah, maybe everything sucks right now, but i know i can make someone else's day better :3 and often it makes things a little more okay to me too

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

RAHHGHG BESTIES. question for the bestiessss

@levi-dayne is so dear to my heart!!! such a sweet and kind person, who truly and deeply cares about others!!!! makes music, writes well AND ALSO DRAWS??!!! amazing and super talented person with super high ambitions too!!! SO SLAYFUL. what did i do to deserve such a slayful friend<333

@uriekukistan is one of the most naturally talented ppl i know!!!!! they write amazing fics, can DANCE super well, and took up drawing like 3 seconds ago and are already churning out really cool stuff on a fucking TOUCHPAD. ON THEIR LAPTOP. gofundme for rin graphic art kit when?? also ofc. a really good friend and very kind person :3333 <333

ILYSM BESTIESSSS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

from a writing style perspective: first person and tense switches

from a content perspective: anything fucked up like noncon or incest....how tf are they often not tagged like??? or putting that at the bottom of the warnings list 😭 oh yea im far more concerned about swearing and underage drinking......

something im picky abt that sometimes annoys me enough to click off but i feel like it's just a weird personal preference is the overuse of alternatives to a characters name. so using "the brunette" like 5 times. just say his name!!!!! it's ok!!!!!

RAHHHHHH i usually reread my answers before i post but not this time. adios fuckers i dont remember what bullshit i wrote here but ur left with the consequences. if u wanna deal with even more of my terrible takes ASK ME STUFF

[tlendeth]

one thing that really hit me earlier today is how HUGE of a difference it can make how your friends/social circle treat attraction to men. (lots of rambling under cut)

Like, in my "old" friendgroup (we still get along, see each other when I'm back in my hometown, and text, but obvi less than when we all lived in the same town) attraction to men was (mostly) treated as a thing of "oh, men are gross, but unfortunately I am attracted to them", "how could anyone just be into men? that musst be such a miserable life", "people need to decenter men, wanting to be with a man is kinda gross" and "I wish I could recover from being attracted to men". And while I dont think that was something that was meant explicitly homophobic it does a great job at forbidding those of us who are just attracted to men to be happy about it, to be unappologetically gay, to love men and celebrate it.

And honestly? Looking back that certainly was one of the things that kept me in the closet for the 2 years roughly it took me to come out as gay instead of bisexual, because it made me feel like I was failing them somehow, and like I should be grossed out by myself and my attraction to men. I *want* to be with a man, and while my boyfriend and I have been together for way longer than that, and I love him dearly, those sentiments about men also kept me from seeinf that relationship as queer, because I felt like seeing the relationship as a mlm one rather than the "bi alt girly with a gamer bf" stereotype (sort of the only thing that got made fun of, but not called gross semi regularly), even with me being transmasc would be treason to them.

Which didnt permanently keep me from coming out, and after starting T last year I finally admitted being gay to myself and others (as then it had become very obvious to me that I was trying to force attraction where there was none, and with being on T I felt like I now might not be "appropriating the term" too much (internalized transphobia as well as transphobia in the gay community be thanked for that one-.-), but like I said, delayed it for 2 years. And I'm going to be honest: allowing myself to just be attracted to men, and only men has been one of the most diffcult "desicions" I made, yet so incredibly freeing. And I'm gonna be honest: I do honestly think it dampered my connection to some of them for a little while.

Meanwhile in the friendgroup I have from uni (who admittedly only know me as gay) there are jokes along the lines of "boobs are great on me n others, and clearly the best", but like... Never in a "ew men are gross, how could someone?!" way, and probably equally as many "no thanks, dont like 'em, neither on me nor others (and I tried the former xD)". And that, as well as becoming good friends with another gay guy has been so fcking amazing. I think this really healed something in me, by now I honestly just love being gay. I love being attracted to men, I love my boyfriend, I love just being *allowed* to be gay and myself, and be happy about it at the same time.

So basically tl;dr: be carefull with all your "men are gross and get well soon if you like them/only them" type "jokes", it can cause a lot more harm in some of us than u might think

[webnovel-liker]

Hiiiii mutuals reading this.

So. This Thursday, I've come to accept a fact that i was unwilling to accept for a year. That is: I'm aplatonic. More specifically, nonfriending and apothiplatonic. (Also loveless too)

And that's means i don't want to have friends nor I'm comfortable in being perceived as a friend.

Due to my pushover ass personality that I'm working on, even when i felt uncomfortable and repulsed, i wouldn't say anything about the whole "mutuals are friends" thing that is pretty common here on tumblr and would even join the posts. Yall dont need to feel guilty tho, thats on me, honestly.

I'm saying this just to clear things out, especially if i casually mention being aplatonic, and i dont want to let you guys wondering "so??? Lio doesn't like me??" And also boundaries is good. Setting boundaries is my favorite hobby.

Thing is: i do like you guys, but not as friends. I know this can be pretty hurtful to read since the majority of you guys are prob allopl and also "i dont want to be friends" is more socially frowend upon than saying "i dont want to be partners".....for some reason. But like, if you ever got rejected by someone you wouldn't think "oh this person is the worst for saying that" but rather, "Oh ok. Sad but that happens!" (I think at least).

I am allosocial, which means that i do like and need to talk with people and have acquaintances, and at least for me, "mutualship" falls under the scope of "social relationships". Not necessarily friends, but is accepted to regularly interact with each other without the expectation of turning into friends. I interact and ruin the dash cough i mean, joke around bc i like it! Heck, if possible, i want to interact and talk more with you guys. So dont think i was predenting or forcing myself. If possible I'd want to continue the interactions i have been doing, but if anyone don't like it, its understandable as well.

I hope its fine with yall that i want to remain a mutual but not be seen as a friend. I dont want to label mutualship as friendship, i dont want to be seen as a friend, nor do i want the commitment and expectations that come from friendships. None of it. If you feel that you cant do that, well that's fair but then i will unfollow you. No hard feelings so dw

As i also mentioned in the beginning of the post, i'm also loveless so if possible, don't tell me that you love me or anything like that. It does make uncomfortable, even more than being called friend.

Anddd that's it! Feel free to ask any questions! Idk any way to end this better....

[wuhei]

i have been thinking about this for a couple of weeks ..

i think i am going to be only shipping with people that i talk to regularly on discord. when i ship with someone, i want it to actually feel like we're both enjoying it..

with that being said, i'm dropping most ships aside from ones with rei, terios, nine, vex and shieda. these people are ones that i actively write with and talk to on discord so i'm naturally a lot more comfy with them.

there are a few characters that i know moze really likes ( felix's jy + spur's elodie ), so i'll be keeping those, too.

this isn't a "i'll never ship with our characters again" post, just a .. i need more development than just blindly jumping into ships. :') i haven't posted anything about this because i've been waiting around to see if interest would .. idk become more clear ?

but instead, the time has made me realize that i'd rather have a couple of ship partners that i actually develop things with over random ships that i write once in a while with little depth.

moze is also the kind of person that needs a relationship to have build up behind it. which is done through writing + plotting.

anyway, that is all. thank u for reading. and i am sorry if i am hurting anyone ? but i just don't wanna force moze or myself to write things that neither of us are passionate about.

again. passions can easily change. and if more development happens between our characters and they feel a way about each other, i'm happy to go back to shipping together. asdlakjalf

if you want to become mutuals on discord and we write together here, let me know. please only request to be added if you will actually talk to me as i do clean outs.

and as a little side note, i only make servers for people that i write with here and plot with on discord laksjdal i don't want 20 servers lmao for obvious reasons

i'm rambling rn , brain is all fried from today's date, and i really don't want to make people feel bad for dropping ships, but i'd much rather do this than get burnt out from moze and not write at all, so. here's to cleaning out our spaces.

though i dont think anyone here would do this ... pls don't message me and guilt trip me over my choice, btw. :') that really won't make me wanna ship with you.

[nerves-nebula]

so you're a strange person who won't leave the house yet you have friends and a gf

weirdly accusatory ask for someone who doesn't know anything about me aside from what I share anonymously online, but alright! I love talking about myself, so I'll just take this opportunity :)

for the record, I dont have a girlfriend, and i'd say i have about two irl friends who i meet up with somewhat regularly, and one of them is my roommate who i see every day. i also speak to 3 of my siblings semi-regularly. and though i am friendly with all my classmates and might call them friends sometimes as shorthand, we don't really hang out or text or anything outside of class.

anyway you guys know last summer when i got really into wizard101? yea well i mostly became a Night Being and that's when I'd play w101, from like 3 AM until 9AM because i couldn't leave the house so why even bother being awake during the day. I was always in the apartment and the only times i left were to get groceries with my roommate or that once or twice i went to therapy. I tried twice to go to this local meet up thing but I couldn't get myself out of bed for it. I don't leave the house unless I have to, but i do have to for school, so I'm on the bus every day now.

one fun thing about me is that i got agoraphobia and anxiety and i got MADDDD avoidant personality disorder and all these things get worse or better with exposure. over the summer is when you see what I'm like when I am not FORCED to leave the house for work or school and it is truly abysmal. I feel like shit all the time because I'm stagnating but I don't want to leave the house because it's unfamiliar territory. it feels insurmountable, the idea of even putting shoes on feels like it'll take an hour and not be worth it. i don't like leaving, but i know it's good for me, because even if i just started going on walks or something I'd probably feel way less stagnant and bored. so I'm gonna try to do it more this summer anyway, even if i failed last time.

even if i was totally normal and didn't have trouble with all that stuff anymore, I still spent the majority of my childhood in my house/bedroom. No school until i was 13, hating any outside activity my parents forced me to do and failing basically every social interaction I'd ever had, and then retreating to our house as soon as possible. my only friends were my siblings. So that would still have negatively affected me enough for me to consider myself a strange person who doesn't leave the house.

and aside from the leaving the house stuff- being strange doesn't mean i don't ever speak to people ??? I literally met my current roommate online ???

[midnightsandmadness]

hi, i just read your post about your experience with aphantasia and how you focused on relationships between people. i struggle immensely with the part before anything: conceptualizing. i describe it as aphantasia but with concepts/coming up with them. i cannot conceptualize anything without for example, reading prompts until one makes me go "oh!". if you asked me to "reimagine" a fairy tale, i wouldnt be able to do it, it just causes me immense pain. being unable to conceptualize as an artist, brings me actual physical and mental pain. ive taken writing classes, ive listened to how writers do their own conceptions, but none of it clicks, you know? it feels distant. like i HEAR their words and it makes sense in theory but putting into practice i will sit there for hours not being able to do anything. i dont understand it, and i feel like im alone in this. i wonder if this is something you might relate to or have heard anyone else describe.

So I'd really like more context if you could? Like is it that you have trouble coming up with ideas on your own? Without something posing a question? Or that your ideas don't feel original? Or does it feel like a mental block for coming up with ideas? Is it just the concept you have trouble with? (For example, I want to write a story about witches but you can't get past that?)

For now, I'm going to talk about my own history with struggling to conceptualize a novel idea or other project. What that means to me when I hear it.

I stopped writing for years. And almost blocked that part of myself off, and when I tried coming back it felt like trying to swim through glue.

Ideas felt forced and contrived and sooo difficult to come up with. It did feel painful trying to do anything of the sort. For the most part, I think this took a lot of time and constant attempts at creating something to start passing. I've been back at trying to write for the last few years. And it only feels like the last little while that things feel like they flow a little more naturally.

I really do think creativity is like a muscle. You have to be trying to work with it in some capacity regularly to make progress, to keep it active and healthy. You have to feed it the right nutrients, which I'd call other stories or media or music or whatever inspires you.

And it can take time, but all you can do it keep trying.

In the meantime though, I wanted to say there is nothing wrong with writing prompts. Or anything else that gets you writing. Maybe it's not the great novel you want to write someday, but you have to start somewhere. The idea for that great project is going to come to you one day, you just have to keep trying.

People act like passion is some magical thing you just feel light you up. And maybe it is like that for some people all the time. But it's not like that for me, writing can feel like work. It can be hard and scary and sometimes I feel like I'll never create something worth anyone else's time. Maybe right now I even feel like that most of the time.

But it doesn't always feel that way. What is it you love about creating? Find that and hold on to it.

(I hope you message again. I'm not sure I entirely understood what you're trying to get at, but I hope something here helped anyway. Good luck and dm me if you wanna talk!)

[enden-k]

Gosh. Ive been following you for a minute because your art is simply stunning and your ideas are out of this world, but the latest Kaeya drawing blew my breath away. Its so so pretty, i keep starring at it and absorbing every little detail. I was also overcame with extreme urge to learn how to draw. Do you have some favourite tutorials or people that or your inspirations? Or maybe just tips you learned the hardway?

I still cant from your art. I wanna hang it on my wall and bow down to it ever morning. So pretty 😭

AJKSBKJCASB youre too kind!! thank u

idk if im the right person to ask for tips or advice, im a bit of a mess of an artist who just does whatever and i dont have like, professional advice akjsbckj

i dont follow tutorials or look up guides. i draw everything from observation, i can really recommend that. i observe a lot of stuff irl or look up and study photographies to get an understanding of shapes, angles, postures, colors, light, texture etc

i also use my own body as reference a lot! it may sound weird but your body is the best reference for specific hand gestures or stuff. just observe the way your fingers bend when you hold smth, how prominent the veins are if you stress your hand, how your knuckles align if you make a fist

get an understanding of basic anatomy. you dont have to study it thoroughly, the basics are just fine. i think there are plenty of artists who teach for free

also i recommend to flip your canvas regularly while you draw or immediately draw with a window mirrored on the side

big tip of mine bc i used to forget a lot: take breaks. dont force yourself to be productive if you have a really bad day, no matter how long. start again once you feel like you can do it. i often forced myself to keep going and really hating everything i made and getting more depressed. now whenever i take breaks, once i feel im not happy, i come back all refreshed and liking my art

also, practice. but with this↑ in mind, dont force yourself

idk if this is of any help or what you were asking about, i just listed some things i think are useful (they are for me at least) sorry if it isnt. maybe you should ask someone else 💦

just try out, nothing will be perfect and it doesnt have to be. dont put any stress on yourself and good luck!!

[sharpilu]

there's been a weird development in art community culture i've noticed lately. i think it spawned on tiktok? likely due to the mass amounts of leftist extremists on there.

either way, i'm referring to the strange amount of entitlement people have started to have over other peoples art. believe it or not, you don't get to choose what people draw! and if you dont want to see the things they draw, block them. no one is forcing you to look at their art if you don't want too.

the reason i attribute this to leftist extremists is because i always see it with people harassing or just simply getting mad at artists for not drawing certain underrepresented or minority groups. usually black people or plus-sized people, from what i've observed.

so i'll say it again, you do not have the right to another persons artwork. it isn't yours. get over it.

you will not see yourself in every corner of the internet, and that isn't a problem. not everyone will like everything and not everyone will get along, that's just natural. it doesn't make someone racist or fatphobic or ableist or whatever to simply not draw a certain type of person.

some people only draw chubby characters, and they have the right to do that. some people only draw skinny characters, and they have the right to do that. some people only draw disabled characters, etc etc. the point is that people draw what they want to and they have the right to.

another thing is that i think alot of people, including myself, avoid drawing certain groups of people because we know those same people asking for it will harass or just get mad at us for not doing it perfectly. you may have noticed that despite currently being mostly a human/humanoid artist, i don't tend to draw any black characters.

this is because of two reasons. 1, it's mostly mcyt and i don't watch any black creators regularly at the moment, and 2, i don't want to get yelled at for learning. there is only one way to learn in art, and that is to practice, and you practice by drawing, but i don't want to draw something if it means getting harassed or yelled at over dumb shit.

i want to learn. alot of people do. i will need to learn one day as i intend to go into art as a profession. but with this behavior running rampant and encouraged, i just don't feel it's worth it. i draw because i like to make things and i like showing people what i make, and drawing something without the intention of posting it or showing it to anyone usually ends with me feeling little to nothing about it. so i can't really just practice it and not post it, because that just...doesn't work for me. i can't speak on behalf of anyone else, but i'm sure i'm not the only person like this.

my end point i guess is: if you wanna see something, do it yourself.

everyone has the right to their own art, and that includes you. fuck, if you want people to learn, make a tutorial! artists eat that shit up! getting hostile is only going to discourage people from learning, and getting hostile is only needed when the person isn't willing to learn. but starting off by being aggressive or antagonistic will only make people less willing to listen. if you want people to learn, teach.

[orbees]

2022 overview 

this year... where do i even Start with this year. it went by fast but also felt like an eternity. in terms of just Bullshit the universe threw my way, it was by far one of the roughest. struggled with literally Every aspect of life this year. but also the fact this Isnt the worst year of my life... i think ive come a long way w/ coping and i am proud of myself for hanging in there despite Everything 

and for all the shitty, awful things that happened, there was a lot of good stuff too. i finished my practicum, which sucked ass, but i also finished the first half of my internship which was HARD but went much better. its kinda Hard to put into words but i rly struggle a lot w/ feeling incapable of well... Anything, and this goes Beyond disability tho it certainly plays a role. its more like i just feel myself Inherently Inadequate, due to Personal Flaws. but time and time again, i prove myself wrong, and are able to do much more than i thought i could.

and at the same time i dont wanna make it seem like Grinding myself into a paste was a good thing. i shouldnt have to Be so resilient, but i can admire the strength i have in doing so. its like i often contend a lot w/ feeling like this World doesnt want someone like me. it often feels like i am trying to jam a square piece into a triangle shaped hole. its like the hole shouldnt be so hard to get thru to begin with, but i am proud of myself for Trying despite

a lot of growing pains this year, a lot of putting myself into new and uncomfortable situations. getting my first job basically thru my internship, leaving the house regularly, interacting with people Daily... i am The autistic hermit so adjusting to this was. Difficult in ways that word cant even begin to describe but i did it regardless.

i even have began taking steps to live More authentically. the Autism is a big force in my day to day, and i burn myself out trying to Mask so ive rly just wanted to start letting myself Be. i still have a hard time with this but ive taken some pretty big steps. i told my supervisor that i am autistic which i NEVER thought i’d be able to do, and i am still very very proud of myself for doing that. i want to be able to create a space where i dont feel the Need to hide so much of everything that i am and i feel like i was able to lay out a lot of the framework for making that possible. i am proud of myself for working so hard to create a better life for myself Despite everything trying to pull me down

in general ive just done A lot of work on myself this year. contended with a lot of personal truths. i gained a better sense of who i am, what i am, what i can do, and what i WANT to do. ive faced off against a lot of my demons this year, and still have plenty more fighting left to do, but i feel proud of the person i am becoming. i feel more complete & whole, and have a better understanding of what i am worth. i am excited about my growth going into 2023! its gonna be a wild year for me i just know it LOL

my resolutions:

1. read more

2. create more just in general

3. take my big scary exams 

4. graduate

5. learn how to drive >:(

6. in learning how to Juggle the everything i noticed i started isolating myself a bit and this is something i wanna Change

7. be kinder to myself

i also cant rly Find a way to work this into all i wrote above in a Pretty Way but i rly wanted to take a moment too to talk about my friends. i struggle a lot w/ feeling Alone, have my entire life, but i feel as if it is Getting better. like i have a better sense of who my people are, and where i belong <3 its hard to find the words that convey my sincerity without sounding trite but: ive received sm love and support this year, as i do every year ofc but with this year being So Hard for me, its really meant a lot. i am very thankful for my friends and love them a lot. thank u all sm for everything. here’s to a good 2023 i am manifesting this for all of us 😤😤😤

[savethepinecones]

✨💖Positivity chain! List 5 to 10 things that make you smile and explain why! Then send this to others to let them know they make you smile✨💖

aww thanks for sending this!

1: my cat. he actively tries to spend time with me all the time and hes so comfortable around me it makes me want to cry happy tears when i think about how much he trusts me

2: thunderstorms. theyre just so. vivid. like i can see the lightning and hear the thunder and feel the rain and the wind and smell the petrichor. i never feel more grounded than i do when i go out and stand in the rain

3: my cousins. ive changed a lot in the past ten years and i worry that most of my family (very religious) arent very happy with where ive ended up and mostly pretend that im still the person i was pretending to be as a kid. but i have younger cousins who dont remember much about that person and when i go to family events they actively seek me out and want to talk to me and it means a lot to me that i can be myself and still be welcomed by my relatives

3: my mutuals. i dont talk to any of them much so they might not be aware of this but it makes me so so happy to see familiar icons in my notes regularly. if you interact with my blog on a regular basis i guarantee that ive noticed you and i appreciate your presence

4: my sister. we really didnt get along as kids but weve come such a long way since then and sometimes well be talking about something mundane and itll just hit me how much progress weve made. shes my main support system and one of very few people that i trust implicitly and im so so proud of both of us for getting to where we are now

5: reading. whenever im bored my go to solution is to read something. whether its scrolling through text posts on tumblr or checking out ao3 or holding an actual physical book. most of the time if im not paying attention to multiple things at once (like playing a game on my phone while i watch tv or listening to a podcast while i play video games) but when im reading i dont need distractions. i think im probably relaxed the most when i have my nose in a book

6: math. i like having a clear problem that i can solve and knowing the specific steps i need to take in order to find the solution. i tend to second guess myself a lot generally but with math i feel like i really know what im doing

7: camping. it forces me away from my phone and reminds me to appreciate the world around me. my favorite place in the world is in the mountains looking up at the stars while sitting in front of a crackling fire. bonus points if someone is playing the guitar nearby

8: singing. ive been on t for a few months now and every time i hit a note that used to be too low for me i feel such a rush of gender euphoria. yeah im gonna miss my soprano but im already in love with my lower range

im gonna cut it off here because i need to go to sleep soon but thanks again! i always enjoy receiving asks and i think today was a good day for me to really remind myself about the positive things in my life. <3

[mintyvoid]

so i bought and have now recived my anti planner, and while i imagine a bunch of the tools wont do anything- im hoping something helps. And ill try to speak up if anything does.

For some context i suppose if you dont regularly read my depressed rants, i was diagnosised autistic in 2020 but had been in therapy on and off since 2010 for anxiety and depression. I found a majority of resources not helpful or treading over ground ive already done years into- when I started researching 'okay so im autistic what the fuck do i do now, how do i get better'.

(I just keep ranting how shit doesnt seem to want to work for me below)

Most likely cause of all the years ive done work on myself, i am very self aware and quite good at communicating how im feeling. But found that none of the tools I learned helped long term or even enough to better my quality of life(now knowing this was because all those tools help people without a neuro disability, they simply were never going to work).

I've also found that a lot of the resources out there, include this book, are catered towards those with adhd, which while having a lot of simularities to autism- they are not the same. And though I had previously thought i was adhd, im like pretty sure this isnt the case(like in terms of a duo adhd n autism diag). So a lot of the stuff i end up finding /also/ doesn't work.

Though i cant reaally tell if its due to the autism or depression. A good example is the 'trick your brain' angle i see abundantly. To do things like 'set a timer to create a deadline or force panic' or similar time constrainted things simply dont work. I can feel incredible stress to complete something from a deadline or disappointed friend or angry manager and it do little to nothing to motivate me to do the actual thing. If i dont want to do something(or even if i want to do something but my brain for whatever reason doesnt let me), it doesnt happen- concequnce be damned.

I can break tasks into smaller chunks for days, but if i cant get up or move my arm to start said small task then it doesnt really matter does it? The one thing i can do is organize lol, but its the one thing that i see the most as advice- which is totally understandable as its not something taught so a majority would lack the skill. I was really lucky to seek help when i did and to then get actually good advice. It's probs been the only moment where help and support did actually help my quality of life.

Most likely I wont see any improvement in my life till I either go back therapy(actually find someone who can help someone like me, probs needs to be on meds again too) or can afford to create an environment thats supportive of my needs...or more than likely a combo of the two lol. Neither of which i see happening as both need money and i cant work nor get much from my disability program and cant work enough on online stuff to make that my income.

As an aside, i do know that many if not most, have it worse than i do. And i often feel that i simply cant complain about my own situation because im have a loving family that supports me as much as they can, im no where near homelessness, im not bipoc or a trans person, i could technically work but i would only be able to just work(aka id have to give up doing what i ant for a living and went to school for and actually am passionate about, and honestly typical work stresses and sucks so much energy out of me ugh id probs just burn out again n quit). I dont feel i can ask for money or support when there are others i feel need it way more than i do.

And i absolutely hate that what i have isnt enough, and that fact is also why i feel i cant vent. Srry this kinda went off the deep end.