#and im not feeling as trapped today thankfully

[littlecutiexox]

Feeling a little better today 🥺

[sucktacular]

⚠️HANDSOME GUY ALERT⚠️

[tokischaaaaa]

“ascensor roto ;  broken elevator”

WARNING!! Contains smut, all that nasty stuff, freaky deaky shi

!hamzah x latina!reader

summary: a sudden storm traps two neighbors in one elevator, and their previously unspoken attraction rapidly escalates into a night of passion as they find comfort and excitement in each other's arms.

muy important!! : this is my first imagine or oneshot for hamzah, so take time with me pls lol. also there are some words in spanish/slang so here are the translations for yall <3,

toto → vagina, punani, clit, pum pum, etc

coño → dammit/shit 

casi algo → “maybe something”,  refers to a person you are having a situationship/unlabeled relationship with, “es mi casi algo”

fantastica → “fantastic”

sucia → “dirty”

   

fue mejor - kali uchis ft. sza

⇄              ◁◁  I I  ▷▷          ↻

00:35 ━━●━━━━━━━━ 03:51

** im too tired to proof read mb gang

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It's been a few weeks since your boyfriend broke up with you. Just yesterday your friends stopped by to try to help you get back on your feet. It was somewhat successful because today you went out to get some groceries.

As you are getting out of your car to enter your apartment you see a familiar face entering the apartment building, it's a guy you've seen here and there, he's wearing a gray shirt and some black sweats. As you stop staring at him you look for your key card, which allows the elevator to lead you to your floor, you're stumped, you forgot your key.

"Shit," you mumble to yourself, you start walking faster towards him so maybe you can use his key as a way to get to your floor. As you start walking faster toward the door of your apartment building but you hear thunder and water starts pouring very hard on you. "So much for trying to fix my hair today," you sigh. You start running towards the door and to the elevator.

Thankfully he's still there, as the elevator is about to shut he puts his hand out to keep it open. You run towards the elevator and breathe out, "Thanks a lot!" you're out of breath from the little side quest you just completed. 

He looks back at you, you feel your heart stop as he looks at you to respond. "No problem, ma." He says with a deep tone. You can't help but blush and chuckle at his response. As you get situated he slowly puts his card to the elevator, the light turns green. 

Next thing you know there's a big shove all around you and everything goes black. "Shit!" You cuss, you grab your phone and turn on the flash, you see your groceries everywhere, and the kind stranger on the floor. you extend a hand to him, he takes it. "That wasn't very hot of me," He says in a horrible rendition of Paris Hilton voice.

"Yeah, but now what? Do we call the police?" You ask, "Well, I could press the red button that calls the cops and lets them know," The stranger says before he's interrupted by a speaker supposedly in the elevator. "Residents of this apartment building, stay calm, there has been a power outage due to the storm. The power will be restored in approximately 1 hour."

"Damn, bro I just got new groceries they're gonna be fucked now." You say rubbing your fingers towards your temple. "Damn, you're loss, should've gone earlier." The stranger snarks. "Bruh, where are you even coming from, especially at like 10 in the night? You ask raising your eyebrows at the snarky stranger.

"None of your business, that's where." He says now facing you. The flash on your phone is now pointed towards his chest, he slowly gets closer to you. A familiar feeling is in your stomach and toto. "Mhm sure buddy." You say eyeing him down.

He huffs, then pushes you towards the elevator wall. your phone is now on the floor, there's no more flash, everything is based on your sense of taste and touch. 

He crashes his lips onto yours, one of his hands wraps around your waist, "take this off." he says pulling on your shirt. you quickly rip your shirt off and motion for him to do the same, he follows. You both continue to get closer, you begin to grind against his c0ck, you start to go faster and faster, getting off on his grip on your waist and the wrestle going on in your mouth with his tongue and yours. 

As the grinding gets progressively faster and faster, he stops you, you can only assume he's taking off his sweats, before you can ask why he stopped, you're turned around, now holding onto the railing of the elevator wall. He spreads your legs and slaps your ass. A loud moan escapes your mouth, and as a result, he shoves his c0ck into your toto. "How's that princessa? " he asks , leaning into your ear.

"Fantastica," you gasp, adjusting to his size. He lowers his head and starts kissing the back of your neck, his kisses getting deeper as his lips touch your skin. Before you can groan at him to start again, he slaps your ass once again and harder than before. He continues thrusting into you, every few thrusts he continues to give you back kisses. His pace begins to slow down, as he's about to pull out to cum, you grab his hand and thrust it back into you.

"Into me papi." You groan taking in all of this stranger, who knows if y'all will be casi algos or even talk again but you don't care. He's matched your freak, and you've matched his, so why not fulfill the feeling for both? 

As he finishes inside of you, you pant in exhaustion, he pulls out and gently faces you towards him. You hear him bending down and grabbing something, he places your phone and clothes in your arms gently. All that flows through your mind is, wow. You quickly put on your clothes, you can only assume he is doing the same. Before you take your phone to face the phone towards the floor to pick up the groceries all across the floor due to your sucia behavior, you feel deep kisses on your neck.

You cave in and kiss his neck too, before you step back. "What happened ma?" He asks, "What's your name bebé?" you ask him, "Oh, Hamzah. And yours?", You tell him your name, he stays silent for a few more seconds before he continues to kiss all over you. He stops once again and takes his hands into yours and positions the both of you to be sitting down, "Hamzah, you gonna tell me what you were doing out at 10 now?" You smirk holding his hand. "Nah, but if you come back to my apartment with me then maybe I'll tell you." 

Just as he said that the energy had been restored in the building. You squint your eyes getting used to the lights. As you looked down you saw your groceries everywhere, you tried to pick them up once again before Hamzah started to help you pick up the groceries scattered throughout the elevator. He placed the items in your bags, he began to hold them, "Hamzah, give them to me I can carry them." You groan, "Naaah." He smirks. Soon the elevator doors open, and Hamzah sprints towards his apartment. You have no choice but to chase him into his apartment to obtain your groceries and maybe something else...

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tokischaaa hablas!

so that was something, anyway umm lmk whta to do now. umm yeah. also to all my latina readers I LOVE YALL <3, love all yall tho too <333

also, listen to my playlist (i used it while making dis 😈)

[inncubus-honey]

treating wounds with skz

a/n: hey sorry for being mia, but im back with an ot8 post before the next royal fic. these scenarios are not connected in any way and are written in different aus for each boy

tw: talks of open wounds, blood, gunshots and graphic death in jeongins part(let me know if i missed anything)

ot8 x gn!reader

Word Count: 3.7k

bang chan- night after a full moon (werewolf au):

bruises were lightning down his back, mainly focused on his shoulder blades. darker than the rest, while others just blotted around.

"are they as bad as last time?" his eyes met mine as i came around to his front, his normally deep voice that echoed just barely came out as a whisper this time, it was more hoarse than normal. i dabbed cream to the corner of his lips; he always has some cuts on or around lips after a transformation. 

after chan transforms back, he always comes home with new bruises and scars. thankfully, they're not as bad as last time. in the woods, there were hunter traps set up. chan thankfully only got caught in a net trap, but when one hunter cut the rope, he had bruised ribs for a week.

"no. just those bruises on your back and scratches here and there." he gave a slight hiss as i started rubbing in the cream on his lip. so i placed a gentle kiss onto his jaw; one hand came up my cheek to which chan then buried himself into my neck.

chan just rested himself on my neck. i dont blame him, i would do the same if once a month my body contorted in the most extreme ways a human body can. now chan is just bearing with me as i fix him up, but its better than going to bed now and waiting till morning to clean him up.

"wanna go to bed early, wolfie?" my hand came up this time and i played his soft curls as they faded into a dull blue. 

"please..." he pleaded softly into my skin. giving him another kiss on his forehead, i laid chan down on his side of the bed. making sure his wounds didnt hurt as he moved or that he wasnt lying on them. leaving the room, i went to the kitchen and got some water and pain pills for the morning.

changing into my pjs of choice, i gently climbed into bed and hugged chans back. then we were brought into the sweet arms of sleep.

minho- kitchen accident:

it did feel a little bad to laugh at minho as he pouted next to me. his glare looked like a cat getting a bath, just staring down the members.

"minho hyung, we're sorry! please forgive us!" han and hyunjin crowded minho. their faces contorted into worry as i bandaged his hand.

hyunjin and han decided to pop confetti cannons for minho because they thought he was so cute as mc today.

bad part was minho was cutting vegetables which caused him to slice his palm. thankfully it's not deep nor requires stitches which is why i am bandaging it now.

"minho hyung say something please! even if you yell at us, just say something!" hyunjin pleaded at his feet, han coping the action, their hands in the prayer position.

"...next time make sure no one is holding a sharp object before you let confetti cannons, you idiots." his voice was stern, but he didnt sound too angry with the boys. 

i gave a slight chuckle at what i was watching go down, minho turned to me with a slight glare. i focused back down on his hand and put a safety pin in to keep the wrap together.

"we're so sorry again, hyung! we'll be super duper careful next time!" then like the kids they are, they ran off do whatever now.

"you're like a grumpy uncle to them whenever chans not here." he brought his hand into his lap as i went to the kitchen and cleaned what mess was left there.

"does that make you a cute and sweet aunt to them?" i could hear the smirk in his voice as i washed the cutting board. looking back, he did have his signature smirk which made my cheeks hotter than before.

"i suppose so, uncle."

his non-injured hand came around my waist as he left little kisses to the nape of my neck.

i got the vegetables out and started cutting them again.

"i suppose so, aunty."

changbin- after a battle:

his armor sat on the chair, his claymore standing tall against it. i brought the pitcher from the dresser over the bowl on the nightstand. changbin rested on his back, thankfully no major injuries there.

diagonally across his chest from the valley of pecks ending below his left peck by two or three inches. 

"has the medicine helped at all?" dipping a rag into the warm water, ringing it out and dabbing it gently across the wound it went from stark white to a pick tint.

changbin hissed and gave a muffled groan at the contact. he looked over my eyes and held contact as i cleaned his wound.

"better, not by much...but seeing my love after weeks without their beautiful eyes, warm smile or comforting touch i would never need any medicine again..."

fluttering smiles came along with avoided eye contact, changbin always knew how to bring my heart into my throat. i moved with light movements to clean his wound, changbin letting out hisses and groans every now and then. 

i gave him my free hand to hold as i finished up with cleaning.

"i'm almost done, my dear. but soon then i'll have to start on stitches..." changbin gave my hand a hard squeeze as i moved to get the needles and thread.

"can i get a kiss after every stitch, darling?" 

leaning over, i pressed my lips to his slightly dry ones. his callused hand cupped my jaw, bringing me closer to him; as much he could with his wound between us.

"your wish is my command, love." 

hyunjin- after a surgery:

"y/n-this is the worst part...." walking with a bowl of warm water and a little bit of soap, hyunjin starting groaning and tried moving away from it as much as he could without hurting himself.

"i know, love. its only a couple of days until the doctor allows you to take a shower fully." sitting next to him, hyunjin grumbled to himself on his phone as i started moving the blanket and his shirt away from the stitches.

ringing out the cloth given to us by the doctor for the stitches, i lightly dabbed the area to keep it clean. glancing between hyunjin and my hand as i cleaned, i made sure not to make any rough movements on the stitching and causing more discomfort for hyunjin. 

“i must look so gross for you, huh?” hyunjin rubbed his face with a whine. i felt myself frown at his discomfort because of his situation, i would feel the same way if i had to wait a week for a shower. when i got an idea to help him with this feeling. i told him i’ll be right back and went to the bathroom and brought in a chair for him to sit on as i would wash hair and face without getting his wound wet.

“hyunjin, lovebug, do you think you can stand up for me?” 

“um yeah, but what for, y/n?” i grabbed his hands and gently pulled him up as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed while being mindful of his wound as he bent over on it.

“i think i have a way to wash your hair and face without getting your wound wet.” i wrapped plastic wrap around the incision to keep it dry. i got to work on cleaning his hair and face for him, hums of content as he has not been able to lift his arms above his head in a week.

10 minutes later, hyujins upper body is clean and hes back in bed now with a clean wound and clean hair.

han- falling off a skateboard:

“babe, this trick is for you!” han pointed towards me as i sat on the bench with seungmin. looking over at him, he got a running start towards the quarter and half pipe with changbin and chan cheering him on behind him. it was an autumn night in seoul; han, i and his friends were at an empty skatepark. 

han grabs his board and pulls a cool 1260 flip of it and i felt a slight blush as he winked at me, i heard seungmin fake gag to my right. but upon landing his flipped underneath him shooting him forward and he rolled a couple feet. 

“hannie!” jumping to my feet, i start racing towards him with changbin and chan coming from the other side, dropping their boards. carefully, i placed a hand on his shoulder as he sat up from his tumble.

“han, are you okay? that was a nasty fall…” chan also looked at han as he held his face in hands. he looked up and slowly removed his hands to only show the bottom half of his face covered in blood.

“oh shit, thats a lot of blood. hold on, bubs i have napkins in my bag.” quickly i ran over to where i was sitting, bringing it back with me over to the boys. chan and changbin did their best to control his bleeding as I dug around my clustered bag.

“found them! gently press them against your nose and tilt your head forward baby.” han slowly moved his hands, some blood dripping onto the concrete as he made sure not to get anymore on his clothes. a little bit had gotten on his shirt when he initially sat up, one i had given to him for his birthday and i think he felt bad.

“i have water in my car, ill help him clean up over there.” chan and changbin nodded, helping me stand han up. when we get over to my car, i grabbed my water bottle and poured it over the blood staining his cheeks and mouth. 

“are you okay, hannie?” he could finally talk now that he had no blood in his mouth. he took some napkins and dried off his mouth.

“did you like my trick tho?” stopping in my tracks, i looked up at han with wide eyes as his puppy eyes glanced back at me.

“babe, you just busted your nose and had what looked like half a liter of blood on your face and thats what you’re worried about?” his eyes got bigger before answering with a pout pursing his lips.

“yes! i was only worried you thought that it sucked cause i busted up my face…” he mumbled as he peered up at me through his hair. letting out a soft chuckle and carefully moving the hair from his eyes, i pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“i thought it was cute that you dedicated a trick to me, but i hate seeing you hurt. i know its your not fault you got hurt, but i still get worried.” i cupped his adorable quokka cheeks in my hands as he gave a toothy grin at my words. 

“i love you, y/n..” it came out as a whisper. 

gently i kissed him busted lips.

“i love you, han..”

felix- scraped knee:

“hurry up y/n, you slowpoke!” felix dragged on my arm as we walked towards the arcade, an iced americano in one hand while his other was in mine. i held my drink in my other free hand at a slow pace to his favorite place. 

“luvs, its around the block, we’re in no rush to play games.” he huffed, making duck lips with a pout and reluctantly came back into my side. i hooked my elbow through his as we made our way down the sidewalk.

“plus, its so pretty outside today. we have a nice walk to the arcade before we have a day of playing games until the sun goes down, bokkie.” a little nudge of my arm into his caused me to sigh and nod into my shoulder.

“Is there anything you’re looking forward to playing when we get there?” his chest rumbled against my shoulder as i thought about it.

“either ddr or crane games. i hope i can get at least one stuffed animal before we leave.” felix rolled his eyes and groaned, jokingly, as i elbowed him in his ribs.

“well, you always play beat saber or shooting games, mr. bokkie.” felix let go of my arm and let out a gasp at my accusation. putting his hand over chest in a dramatic way then moving them to his hip.

“i dont always play beat saber or shooting games y/n…i also the driving games.” he stated then took a sip of his drink. covering my mouth as i laughed at his dramatic actions. rounding the corner with felix was on the side towards the street. he would never let be on the streetside cause he would always say ‘then i would push you out the way and we could have our kdrama moment.’ then i would just roll my eyes at his cheesiness. 

but as we turned, felix tripped causing his drink to spill, but also he was wearing shorts as it was spring his knees were all scraped up now.

“felix, are you okay luvs?” he hopped up onto the bench behind him as i looked for napkins in my bag. a few blood trails traveled down his legs as we both looked at them, his drink long forgotten melting into the sidewalk.

“yeah, just a scrape. but i spilled my drink…” he mumbled while looking at his knees. looking around for a cafe where i can grab napkins real quick.

“ill buy you another drink in a bit, but i want to get this cleaned up first. im gonna quickly get some napkins, dont move babe.” 

jogging back to where felix was, i gently pressed them to his knees and used the water i had in my bag to clean up the dried blood. standing up from the ground, i held my hand to felix. confused, he looked up back to me.

“lets you another drink then go to the arcade, luvs.” a smirk appeared on his face and took his hand in mine as we walked to the cafe i got the napkins from.

“thank you, y/n. even though its just some scrapes on my knees, thank you. i love you.” he pecked my cheek as we entered.

“no problem, bokkie. i know you would do it for me as well.” 

seungmin- escaping the enemy (fantasy au):

seungmins tight grip on my hand pulled through the burning fields. his other hand held his sword out in front of him to defeat anyone in front of us. wind whipped past my ears as his ebony locks flew off his forehead showing his stern, but boyish face that sent my heart skipping beats.

“this way, y/n! into the forest, we’ll lose them there!” he guided us to the treeline, my legs were screaming for break, but they were right on our tail. i couldn’t slow seungmin down and risk us getting caught, so i had to push forward and ignore the pain in my legs and lungs. arrows raining into the ground as they just barely missed us upon the emerald painting of trees. 

the field was painted like a sunset with the fire that was roaring from the enemies arrows. gods, we didn’t even have a minute to process what happened; we had to keep moving to the castle.

“seungmin! seungie, i can’t breathe…” it was either from the smoke or from running for so long and far, i couldn’t tell. coughing into my arm caused seungmin to look back and for us to finally slow down.

“j-just a minute, please…i think we lost them anyway.” taking deep breaths to control it better, i finally got a good look at seungmin and how he was faring in all of this. his left arm was bleeding at the shoulder and seeping into the white fabric of his shirt. 

“seungmin, you’re bleeding! we need to treat this before it gets in-!” cutting me off was seungmin pulling me into a bush and clamping a gloved hand over my mouth. he pressed me into his chest as we saw an enemy rider wander past our hiding spot.

i felt seungmins heart beat violently against his ribs as he sandwiched us together. soon the rider left our spot and disappeared behind the flames which lead seungmin to let out a breath.

“s-seungmin..you c-can let go now..” i whispered, not daring to speak normally at this moment. seungmin locked our eyes back together. i think i saw the apples of his cheeks dust with a pink before he slowly released his grip on my body to his.

“forgive me, my liege.” tearing his gaze from mine to the forest floor. looking back at his left arm, it looked like it was still bleeding. so i grabbed the dagger hidden in my boot and took it to the bottom of my flowy shirt, cutting a strip.

“y/n, what are you doing? you’ll ruin-” seungmin reached his arm out to stop, but i was done before he could stop me.

“its just a shirt, seungmin. i can get a hundred more like it if i asked father.” i pulled seungmin closer by his outstretched arm and went to his left arm.

“its a scratch, y/n. i can worry-” he stopped himself when i tightened it around the wound.

“but you are injured. i dont like seeing you injured, seungmin.” glancing at him through my lashes, i saw the same dusting back and i fought back a smile at this moment.

“now lets worry about finding a way back to the castle.” seungmin only nodded and gave my hand a squeeze; he started leading us through the woods with smiles etched into our faces.

jeongin- pistol whipped (cod/military au):

gabes men held the boys and i by our arms as he spoke with a stupid smirk on his face, guns pointed into everyones backs. one false move and you're dead. 

“the world will only benefit from the mission going wrong! you're all either against me or with me! if you are with me, step forward and you will forgiven for your transgressions!” we all shared looks between each other as no one moved. 

“your stupid plan isnt going to work, gabe! the only one benefitting from your plan is you. you've just conned these poor soldiers into doing your dirty work.” all our eyes moved to jeongin as he spoke up before anyone else could. gabe glared hard at the youngest boy, nodding towards the man behind him. 

jeongin was brought forward to gabes feet, chan and I gave each other panicked looks as he pulled a gun on jeongin. shouts and cries came from the other boys as we all tried to rush to his side.

“no don't! gabe if you fucking touch him-” 

“if i touch him, you’ll do nothing cause then i’ll actually kill him y/n.” jeongin looked back at me, worry shown in his eyes but also gave a nod showing that it was okay. standing down from gabe, jeongin turned back to him only to be met with his pistol.

jeongin jerked to the side from the force, gabe forced him back to look at him with a tight grip on his jaw with blood splattered across the side of a truck as he pulled away. i saw blood dripping from the barrel of gabes gun as he raised it again to hit the other side of jeongins jaw, slightly moving forward only to be pulled back by the man holding me.

“its for the greater good that you all be stopped! so i can bring-!” a bullet entered his head before he could finish; blood moved down his face and soaked into his gear as the gun dropped from his grasp. his body dropped like a sack of flour as everyone trained their eyes to the direction of the bullet.

changbin held out a handgun with the man that was holding him dead behind him on the ground. this shot everyone into action and started fighting the remaining gabes men. i head-butted the man holding my wrist and grabbed his gun from the hostler, shooting him in the chest twice before rushing over to jeongin who held his head down.

“are you okay, jeongin? is anything broken?” gently, i cupped his jaw and moved his face to look up at me. blood pooled onto my hands from his jaw, coughing up blood into his hands before fully looking at me. his big brown eyes gazing into mine which made my heart flatter a bit at the bit.

“im fine, lune. are you? they didn't hurt you too badly, did they?” carefully, i looked at his nose to make sure its not broken. thankfully, it was not broken and i pulled out my handkerchief for his nose. 

“no, im fine. i just got so scared for you when gabe pulled out the gun on you. don’t sacrifice yourself in the future or else i’ll kill you myself, you stupid fox.” pulling jeongin off the ground and into a jeep with the boys. jeongin chuckled at my statement which made me pout.

“noted, my lune. also that adorable pout of yours makes me really if you really are a cold, hearted sniper.” he nibbled at the shell of my ear. i gave a light punch to the shoulder as i pulled out the med kit from the back of the jeep and go to work on properly cleaning up jeongin.

“but for real, don’t be a hero and always put yourself in harms way. i-we need you; the boys would miss their youngest member.” i cleaned up the blood around his mouth, his eyes bore into mine as the car jumped and threw us around.

“i’ll try not to in the future, lune. i know how much you miss me.” he smirked at the slip up i made earlier.

leaning down, he pressed a kiss softly to my lips and I kissed back. chan drove us to the next meeting spot where captain price was waiting for us to figure out what was going on.

[frecklystars]

Every now and again I’ll see your vent posts and just feel this….surge of empathy and understanding. I don’t have ptsd, but I do have GAD and Panic Disorder. I know what it’s like to go days without sleeping because your brain just WILL NOT relax. I know the feeling of spiraling, of all the negative thoughts and physical feelings becoming the only thing you feel, and feeling like you’re alone in your little universe. I know what it’s like to have to force yourself to chew and swallow every bite of food, because you’re so anxious that you’re not hungry, and eating makes you nauseous. I know the crushing, DEBILITATING frustration at yourself and your brain, and the thoughts of “why can’t I just be normal?? why can’t I be happy??”.

I also know the giddiness and joy from realizing you just enjoyed a hobby! You slept a full 8 hours! You went out with friends and enjoyed yourself! You ate food and loved it! You engaged in your special interest!

Mental health issues are a series of ups and downs. I know it’s easy to get frustrated with yourself for having a bad mental health day (or week, or weeks), or for not enjoying things you should, or for getting triggered, but getting frustrated at yourself will only make it worse. You can only control how you care for yourself during these times. Be kind to yourself, coddle your brain. It’s going to be ok. Do whatever you need to ride the wave and get through it.

Your followers love you, and Barbie and Ken love you too!

We’re always here for you!

You sent this at the perfect time... I just spiraled for an hour after jolting awake from a nightmare. I haven't gotten any peace in almost 2 years now and it just feels like it's never going to end. I have been laying in bed crying and feeling so hopeless, like I'm just never going to feel safe ever again. I typed up a vent post, deleted it before I could post it. Typed it up again. Deleted it. Did this about three more times and spiraled over how I don't even feel safe making a vent post on my own blog... but then I opened my inbox, saw this was just sent to me today, and felt a little bit of comfort/relief ;-;

I'm so sorry that you go through this too, even if it's not ptsd, GAD and panic disorder is definitely in the same field, since ptsd is an anxiety disorder after all... wait -- uh, well, apparently according to the internet, it is "no longer classified as an anxiety disorder and is now a trauma/stress disorder" but whatever y'know what my anxiety is heightened 24/7 at all times so i feel in my heart it is also an Anxiety Disorder™. it feels like a bad dream you can't wake up from when your brain just Will Not Turn Off. i wont go into TOO much detail bc im not sure if im in a safe position to do so, but i have had incidents happening every other month regarding my situation with my cptsd and the person who gave me cptsd, and i had a really... fucking horrific online situation a few months ago where someone pretended to be my friend for almost a year. the intentions were malicious. it was not someone being genuinely friendly. it was a trap. long story of how, but i caught onto it, and thankfully i never gave this person access to my dms/discord, i only answered their inbox messages once in a while when i had energy, but i found out it was all faked. they even drew pictures for me! who tf wastes THAT much time and energy pretending to be someone's friend just to gain their trust? my god. exhausting.

the last few months, ive been worrying that my F/Os would do the same thing to me. if someone dedicated themselves for a year to be on my side, when secretly they had malicious intentions, then...??? what would be stopping my F/Os from doing the same? if complete strangers can be so easily manipulated into trying to harm me, what is stopping my F/Os from being manipulated to turn against me? are my F/Os just pretending to love me? that's why self shipping has felt impossible lately. that's why i've been asking for so many reassuring posts that barbie/ken/whoever wouldn't be turned against me and would still be on my side and, like. aren't secretly out to get me or whatever. and it hurts because i have so many people on this hellsite i want to be friends with, but i don't allow access to my dms and i try not to get too close, just in case if it's another trap. i shouldn't have to worry about shit like that, y'know :c

anyway im so sorry that you go through similar shit, because this sucks. not being able to sleep for DAYS sucks, and i feel like -- people who hear that dont really hear that. going without sleep for a few hours sucks, but going without sleep for DAYS bc youre so panicked and overwhelmed?? dude it's awful. it's hell. not being able to eat is so hard too, im sorry you go through that as well. i have been unable to keep half of my meals down for the last couple of years because im so anxious and the nightmares/flashbacks just bring it back up. i wish you didnt have to go through that either, feeling too nauseous/anxious to eat and literally having to force yourself to take one bite at a time. i want you to know i am very proud of you for still trying to eat and sleep even though it's extremely hard. i see you striving.

I teared up reading your message. you seem like you really understand ;-; I think you're the first person to acknowledge "hey you felt joy, even for a moment, that's good!" because most of the time when I post "hey I think i felt okay right now in this moment for just a few minutes. look at this screenshot of an F/O i love them very much and feel good with them rn!" some people might misinterpret it as "I am cured!!!" and I always feel weird/like i've misled people unintentionally when I go back to making a vent post because some people say "oh no, you were doing better!" and I feel like... I wasn't doing... better, I was just... experiencing momentary relief. and yeah in a way that WAS me doing better, in a sense! but I am in a position where I only feel moments of joy/relief/safety every once in a while, and just hoping beyond hope that those moments finally turn into hours or days or weeks, and that I eventually will go back to "I feel okay most of the time, and only have bad days sometimes". i try to tell myself i didnt feel THIS bad a few months ago, i just... ive felt really bad the last few months bc of the most recent incident. and im reminded of that, when you said its possible to have a bad mental health day, or week, or even months. i think im having a bad mental health... months.

anyway god yeah you get it. sleeping a full 8 hours!! eating a whole meal and enjoying it!! enjoying a hobby, engaging in a special interest!!! we gotta hold onto these things and document them. i write down every good dream i have because it's so rare now that i ever have a good dream. i try to write down when i feel good with an F/O and put it in my Love Notes tag. i made an AU with Officer K from blade runner, and indulged in it, and i messaged a friend on discord today all about my AU because i want to tell myself "hey, look, you ENJOYED this AU you made. you are thinking of an F/O. you feel good with this F/O right now, even if it was just for ten minutes." i took pictures of the heart-shaped cookies i baked and tried to tell myself i felt good posing my dolls with those cookies. the actual act of baking and decorating the cookies didn't make me feel anything whatsoever, but putting my dolls next to them and decorating everything with my flowers and my photos... that felt good. i want to remember that felt good. i queued those photos to post on tuesday because i want to look back on my love notes tag and remember "hey, even during the worst fucking time of my life, i still felt some joy, maybe that joy will happen again"

that's why i want to get back into the habit of blogging again, of self shipping again. i want to document that joy really does happen. when im drawing myself with my F/Os, right now, i feel nothing, but if i keep doing it over and over again, maybe i will get back into the habit of it, and it'll make my brain remember "oh yeah, this is supposed to feel good!" re-working that mental muscle. or, like... when i saw those Barbie and Ken campfire dolls for preorder, i gasped and i felt so genuinely excited. and then i felt so unbearably sad again. BUT the excitement was THERE!!! it EXISTED!!! it was momentary!! but that means im capable of feeling joy. it's just overshadowed by the trauma and the constant stress. when that trauma and stress is dealt with, when i finally someday figure out how to get better, then i should be able to feel joy again. just like when you are able to have your good days and get a handle on your anxiety, you feel joy too. and over time it will build up and we will have more good moments that turn into good days.

i believe in us. holding your hand through it, i am on your side and i got your back. keep trying to eat and sleep and socialize and go out and do fun things, even though your anxiety is making it super hard. i am rooting for you. every time you try to eat, you can think of me cheering you on. when youre awake at night and cannot sleep for the life of you, i would bet money that i am awake too. you can think of me. mentally laying on the carpet next to you and staring at the ceiling with you. we're both not sleeping together. and on nights (or days, depending on your sleep schedule, personally i have been sleeping roughly from 10am to 3pm these days) if you DO get sleep, i want you to know i am so happy for you and so proud of you. picture me throwing confetti in the air for you!! multicolored confetti, with those little pastel star stickers... hell yeah. i am always in your corner and i am rooting for you, anon. whoever you are, wherever you are, there is a girl on the internet in some corner of this huge universe who is on your side (that's me!) and if you ever feel alone you can always think "well hey, frecklystars/keri feels this way too, we are in this together"

thank you for reassuring me that this is normal, for our circumstances at least, this is normal for us. i wanna get better so bad dude. im sorry my response to you is during a time when i just had a really bad meltdown and cried my eyes out, so. i . am not as positive as i could be and i think my reply was all over the place. but i am hugging you so hard. i really really really appreciate you reaching out to me. it has been so unbearable for so so so long now and i am so tired of feeling so bad. i think if the current situation im stuck in would just end already, i would be able to heal properly. i have not fully gotten out of my situation yet and i dont know how i'll be able to leave it. but. i keep hoping beyond hope i will be able to fully separate myself from the danger, and then ill be able to heal properly. and honestly, even if i never separate myself from it, i think there will come a day where i will feel annoyed instead of fear. like a new Thing will happen to me and i'll just chuckle and say "wow how pathetic. this again?" and then move on. but until then, it is kind messages from people like you that keep me going. i mean it, i am deadly serious, i rely so much on the kind words of others to keep me sane through all this. i feel like i am constantly on the edge of a precipice barely clinging for my life and the encouragement from kind people telling me "don't worry!!! it will get better!!! you will finally find peace one day" or "hey i know how you feel, it's okay to feel this way, i feel this way too and i'm empathizing with you" always helps me hang on a little longer. i love you thank you. it's 7am i'm gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling now. giving you hugs and sending you little stars 🌟✨

[pantwolf]

Healing is great, and I'm making good progress

But old bones get dug up.

I'm remembering things that I locked away

Things safer to ignore.

I feel old wounds opening up, scars dissolve

So new flesh can grow.

Emotional neglect, a little here, a little there

A timer of sand.

I'm not the victim of a major crime, my cuts are small

But many makes mighty.

Each grain finds their friends against the wind

Making a mighty shifting dune.

Sometimes I feel trapped trapped by society

And me.

I feel like the last of my kind - alone

Extinct.

Even in the company of kin, I feel alien

Incomplete.

But running kept me alive and going

A sprint on all fours.

Filled my time with work and school

Ignored the flame in my soul.

I was lost in the woods. No luminous moon glow.

But it turns out I wasn't alone.

In the end, I found my pack.

And they found me.

Our old new wounds will close

And we will be free.

Now we howl and play in Moon's soft glow,

And my heart beats with renewed fervor.

Yet I mourn the life I thought I had,

How could a pup have known any better?

"Healing"

- Felix

(Commentary under the cut)

This is about trauma, healing, and found family. Werewolves, nature, and instinct. Autism, ADHD, and unmasking.

And journies.

I have spent a very long time under the haze of dissociation, I think. I'm coming to realize that I haven't been able to actually address some of the traumatic events in my life, because they were small (but consistent) patterns, instead of a single, obvious tragedy. More importantly, they were normal. I didn't know I was hiding my fears, shame, and sadness.

I was a bullied kid. I was an outcast; I felt like there were miles between my peers and I (shoutout to my childhood friends, y'all were the Real Ones). I don't think I was actually despised by my peers, but the bullying did its job; I assumed I wasn't welcome, so I kept myself small.

My dad had cancer since I was 6, on and off for 20 years. Thankfully, it was a mildly-aggressive and very treatable cancer. It was just the background radiation of our family until COVID got him in 2020. He was as old as my peers' grandparents. Add in the chemo, and he was always tired and dozing off. But he never complained about feeling sick.

With that radiation (the radiation metaphor has like 3 levels at this point), my parents relationship strained. I was kept awake many nights by my mom yelling at my dad, them fighting about something. My mom made it sound like he was abusive or neglectful, and that he didn't treat her right. I believed her. I mostly remember my dad as detached and emotionally distant, uninvolved. One time, I told my mom that I felt like dad didn't love me. I'm sure she used that as ammo to try to get him to Step Up or Be Better or something. Either way, you can only really deliver a bullet with a gun. If she did tell him that at some point, I'm sure it killed him on the spot. I really wanted to rebuild a relationship with him. I never got the chance.

Fast forward to today, and I have little to no sense of identity. I'm in my third try at college, the first two were nonstarters. I work retail, all I've ever known. I feel lost and stuck. I don't feel welcome in the common culture.

But im starting to open my eyes. I'm starting to feel again. I'm becoming more confident, I feel better, I'm expressing myself, and I feel like I actually have agency to become who I want to be. I've been in a dark tunnel for so long that I forgot what it was like to be content and happy.

If you, dear reader, take away anything from this poem and my tale, let it be that it will get better.

[poems-of-a-lover]

This is in regards to that post you made today, about anon messages. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't really know where to turn.

Basically, I was born into a very controlling religion, probably borderline cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They believe they have the "truth", and that they need to remain separate from the "world" as Jesus supposedly commanded because the end/apocalypse could come at any time and they need to stay away from Satan.

I'm 17 now, about to start my last year of high school this fall and I'm a gay trans man (very much not to the knowledge of my family). My best friend since sixth grade is also trans, and I'm surrounded by lots of queer people (I live in a more accepting area/state). Thankfully, my parents were not in the position to homeschool my siblings and I, even though they had been considering it.

However, all these details lead me to a fork in the road.

A principle of this religion's foundation is preaching the "good news", from the youngest age a person is at any sort able to participate, spending their Saturday mornings every week going around neighborhoods and attempting to convert any and everyone they can.

I've been struggling along for the last 5-7 years or so since I mentally fell out of the religion's traps. However, once I turn 18 I have to commit myself to the religion, which I am in no favor of doing so.

Counting down the months, I find myself stuck in what direction to go, come out to my family (not in the queer sense yet, but rather just saying I don't believe in it anymore) and risk losing them entirely, or stay stuck in a place that is making every attempt to subdue and oppress me into a pretty, feminine, docile girl. I'll lose my mind if I have to stay in here any longer than I absolutely have to, but I don't know how to leave.

I'll turn 18 before I graduate, and I don't know what will happen past then. How do I take care of legal documents, doctors, college, those sorts of things (that part is largely rhetorical). My best friend has offered to take me in if/when I need it, and I think he said his parents/living-in family was alright with it (he's told them about me and my living situation), but I don't want to burden him cause he has his own issues--that's the same reason I'm writing this to you rather than asking him for help/advice again.

I hope you can find it in you read all of that, I'm sorry its so long but I felt it was necessary to fully explain it all. Also I wanted to thank you for your blog, I know there's not really any point to that but it's nice to read and see when I'm feeling down, it helps me feel validated in my identity. Have a good day/night/whatever's going on.

first off, im so, sorry that ur stuck in a position like this. u shouldn't have to be stuck in that type of position with those outcomes and those losses, and i really hope ur able to get out of there safely soon. i know it seems like it might be a burden on ur friend to take up his offer, like ur imposing or taking advantage or whatever reason, but if that's the safest option, i definitely recommend it. at least until ur able to come up with a more permanent/long term plan, it's good to have a safe place with people who respect u. ofc i don't know what it's like to be in a religious family like that, so my advice is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know it firsthand, but i feel like forcing urself to ignore ur identity for the sake of someone else's beliefs and comfortability will just cause more harm than good. i do hope ur able to live ur life the way u want, without having to water down or oppress ur identity for the sake of others. it will get better, maybe not now or soon, but eventually. if u ever need to talk about anything else, my inbox is always available for things like this!! and im so glad u find comfort in my blog, ive gotten that from a few ppl actually, that seeing queerness and loving men in a positive and safe light is helpful. again, if u ever need anything, my inbox is open <3

[scythepalace]

I know I am going through it when I start listening to classical music. I feel as if the more I try to crawl out of the hole I am in it forcefully gets deeper. I literally feel like this picture from the undercover 06 collection... trapped, suffocated, blank, just overall fucking numb. I love that when I have the epiphany that being optimistic isnt a bad thing, it becomes more challenging to be optimistic... I literally adore that for me!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I do wish life wasn't as hard as it is. I dont think it makes me weak, just my natural reaction of an onslaught of nonstop ordeals making me think about a less complex life. I think about the days during quarantine, which were definitely bitter sweet, but damn were those sweet moments cavity giving. I wish the world could just stop like that again, but I doubt it ever will. I was talking to one of my friends, and they said how they have been lost since they were 12 and I was "lucky that I had something figured out." which from face value and by dictionary definition, I DO! but it still somehow feels like I am missing something. I dont know, it's almost like maybe the thing I am reaching for isnt what I actually need? Maybe I don't need a family, maybe I am telling myself these things. or am I just feeling doubtful at the moment? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two. I really admire people who keep themselves together.. cause fuck life can be intoxicating, it can be hell, this is what adults talk about when I was younger.. it is now my reality, and not just filler conversation in the background while im running around the field, imaging whole scenarios, thinking about how I have P.E the next day. It is now what I have to live, my every day I sink deeper, and deeper into this thing called life, and I am just hoping I don't drown. I honestly have to survive for this next month and a half... If I can do that, well then shit I might actually amount to something, because I could IMAGINE anything more difficult than these last two months. I applaud myself for surviving this long, but hell is it getting exhausting. being vulnerable and honest with myself, I feel myself cracking more and more every day, and I dont think anyone around me notices, or even cares to notice because they need me for their problems. I feel like I am a life force for the people around me, not being acknowledged for the hardships ive been dealing with, maybe I should applaud myself for making this shit look too easy... or maybe I should distance myself from everyone until I am looked at as an actual human that is trying to survive. thankfully I got something from my job today so I can have some type of breakfast tomorrow morning. I literally had my first bite to eat today at 3:30pm, and boy did that shit feel horrible. I cant really help it though, I dont like eating at peoples houses when I don't live there, it feels like I am taking, rather than it just me fulfilling my human needs. I also have to get rid of my cat more than likely... he has no where to go and it pains me to have to give him to another family.. I would love to avoid it but I have no choice. Hopefully the next family doesn't fail him like I did. I promise there is an ongoing pattern of just not being enough that I seem to encounter. like damn I cant even be enough to keep a damn feline! I feel like shit about that and it slowly starts to eat away at my mental conscious. I am trying my best to keep my integrity. I cant fold, I literally can NOT! if I lose my integrity I will literally have nothing to my name... at that point I would just want to end this shit. Which is such a painful thought, feeling like the only thing left of me is integrity... no cat, no car, fuck not even this job I hate working at, just integrity.... but hey if its kept me alive for this long maybe it means something more than it does just looking at it from face value. I hope to find peace of mind sometime next week, if I have to get rid of my cat..... I hope to find peace of mind within the next 6 months hahahahahaha #iwantokillmyself

Tuesday May 16th, 2023

[xian-1502]

Topical post: I’ve been really thinking about arrive now that it’s approaching y’know. Im afraid. i want to kiss him. he’s hot and cool and i’m happy to be around and here from him. But i’m still antsy as fuck and afraid that when i go in to kiss him he’ll be like “oh what the fuck man” and just be blown away. Or like the physical experience of my personality pushes him away. More insecurities but i’ve been thinking of them double time lately since it’s literally almost here practically tomorrow after a shift length flight, and then i’m in philly and from there we are lip locked (metaphorically, no shot we spend all of our time lip to lip. that’s actually ridiculous). i hope i’m a comforting presence for her. Or at least my own wake instills comfort in him. Or that i hold him with the right amount of squeeze in the right places. As well as hoping that we’re cute together in our kuromi pajamas. I’m siper psyched for this trip and icl, work tomorrow is gonna feel double long as a result probably, but i’m so ready for it to get here so we can be there together. I want to be there at with him after all. As well as wanting her to be in ky arms/vice versa.

Aside from the trip, thinking about the downer vibe i give. It’s become increasingly apparent with this song i’ve been listening to non stop. After listening, the lyrics are VERY on the nose, and it’s not like i relate entirely but sometimes i go “real mr ross. real.” Realizing if some one hears the music i listen to and paid attention the the lyrics i would look depraved as hell

“anything i can do to feel unalive”- unalive, braden ross

“i’m so sick i wake up i hate it”- sidelines, juno (julian norton)

“my tears were glowing just to muffle the screaming”- brakence, venus fly trap

“hands on my mouth trying not to cry too loud”- fisheye rouri 404

yikes indeed. But they go crazy, and honestly they’re pretty good brain off gaming songs imo. or rather, i do pretty well listening to them. And i like the melodies within said songs and how they allow me to use my voice when i sing them. Despite how depraved they may seem. Incongruent beats to each song imo.

With friendsgiving tomorrow i see friends and know we have a hard talk. Our friend is in the IDF since she’s a citizen, and the law there mandates to keep it she must serve two years. Her second year was almost finished and this conflict started and now it’s like. We don’t know. We haven’t talked to her much, she’s not deployed from what we hear. But it’s just really hard to talk to someone who is in the IDF and has also had opinions in favor of israel in past contexts, albeit i can’t blame her fully as she was born and raised there just to come here until she graduated. So it’s unlikely she would have differing opinions if she not only is in an immigrant family, but also regularly engaged in jewish/israeli activities and such while here such as bbyo and other jewish camps and clubs. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow(minutes.)

He asked me about lube and condoms recently and it dawned on me at the time i never got my std/sti/blood test results at that time and he also never asked me. Got them today at noon but i had notifications off in my medical app so i didn’t see. Anyway all clean thankfully but it just like clicked to me how like real all that is. Not that im not cool with getting to and through it all. in fact i look forward to it and hope i do good since i really wanna please him yknow. I want to him to know what it’s like to feel good like that by someone else’s actions rather than a self serve thing. That sounds nice. And idk fulfill scenarios he fantasizes about or hopes to experience within my range of action. Hoping to be walked through what he knows he likes within his grasp at least mc, that way i have a good baseline to jump from and fiddle with. Also as mentioned before. Notable wannabe munch so do with that what you will.

I was trying on my clothes today again and man do they look lame on me. But maybe cause i see them all the time and fold them and wear them. I was agonizing over my outfits cause i don’t want to wear anything like not good over it since i take pride in my fashion or at least, to some degrees. Going on a trip with mid fits sounds awful. Unfortunately i will have to finish my laundry another day(tomorrow). My aunt decided “actually i’m doing laundry today too” like she didn’t have 2 weeks in advance to pick a day. And while someone can say “xian! you could’ve done the same!” i’ve literally ran the numbers on this. She NEVER does laundry in thursdays. Monday wednesday and friday? maybe. NO tuesday and thursday. So that decision was just an unnecessary bottle neck for no reason. Considering it was also THANKSGIVING and there were people she invited otw. Regardless i’m all set on that front. I just have to pack my bathroom bag the night before after i use it. And then i’ll be outta here on saturday (should the plane gods not want hell for me)

Work tomorrow, not looking forward to it. On casual days it’s as lame as is, managers asking for crazy things and just making the environment unpleasant. Like my manager asked me to get 5 cards and memberships in a day once. Let’s be so fucking for real. Not only have i never seen him with more than 2 of at least one or a mix of them in one day. But even on good days, from what i’ve gleamed not even our best salespeople get those numbers so why are you pulling me aside to talk to me about this?? go to hell. Also customers suck dick. Some people should just never buy electronics cause they simply will not grasp it however you tell them. Why on EARTH was i arguing with this lady for 45 minutes about printer cables. I work there. I know. I’ve seen them and had these talks. Why are you gonna tell me IM wrong when you don’t even know what printer uiu have or what cable it takes outside of a note from the repair man you refuse to follow. Get real. But yeah just that 8 hour and i’ll be free for a week. Hopefully in bliss.

With black friday i’m no longer sure if i should shop at all. The only thing i would buy are games,clothes, or components for my computer. and while i have t been buying too much of the former lately, the latter has had me perturbed. With the current boycott i do not want to be buying electronics that have components confusing blood metals, despite the extreme discount and convenience since at that point i could just wait and buy them when they’re discounted after the newer models come out.But also with companies deciding to keep component composition as a trade secret, it’s pretty uncool imo. Now i just would rather not buy more stuff for my pc despite the “need” (quote un quote) for an upgrade if it comes at these costs.

Back to important stuff. With the oncoming trip i’ve got a lot saved in the calendar. But without a doubt tuesday is the scariest day. I don’t know why to expect meeting his family. How i should compose myself, how to ac, all that jazz. What to do if her mom tries to start anything with him/ make jabs or anything. Do i get involved? is this family business. Unsure. But i’m also wary on why she wants to be there so bad after uninviting him from today. seems super wishy washy and uncool . Also just unsure if i want to meet his mom at all. Like i’m even thinking about if i want to shake the hands and be cordial with someone who’s done what i’ve heard about but respect them i shall. As for siblings, i hope they’re cool, and i’m especially hopefully that they get to have a heart to heart maybe. Probably the greatest opportunity for it to some degree if it can happen. Albeit, mega awkward for me if i’m with the other 3. But i’ll go through it for that if it occurs. much more important imo.

Anyway, that concludes the list of 11/24/23

xian out

i was gonna say “see you there” but maybe actually smooch you there. Cause we will. For sure. I guarantee it. If it’s cool least.

aforementioned downer music

“We’re all frauds, aint no contest. I’m no god, just a complex.

It no fun, to be broken. Burning sun, i’m unchosen 💚☀️”

- Braden ross, unalive

2:07

(Fyi, written lyrics not accurately sequential)

[keatposting]

Venting here bc its the only safe place i can.

My father went on a bender this weekend while i was at alexs & my step mom was in texas. I cane back home from surgery to him drunk & the house a mess. My step mom & siblings came home to the same thing. My siblings are thankfully at our grandparents today.

I truly feel one day my dad will eventually end up all alone. I pray to whatever is out there that my step mom wisens up and divorces him (she probably wont bc Christianity is a hell of a drug) but a man can dream. I want my father to face the consequences of his actions in a brutal way. Perhaps its a craving for catharsis. Perhaps its hoping for mercy for my siblings. Im just tired of feeling trapped observing this insane cycle of abuse repeat itself in my life. Im so tired of suffering it too.

[insane-but-still-alive]

So I got an abortion yesterday..

I’ll start from the beginning. I got pregnant. Lol duh

But no for real, I was a dumbass and got pregnant. I thought I had some problem with my uterus cause my body was acting like I was on my period but I wasn’t bleeding. I was cramping so bad I was hyperventilating, throwing up and sobbing on the bathroom floor. It was excruciating. Went to planned parenthood and turns out I’m pregnant. The first words out of my mouth were “you gotta be fucking kidding me”. I was so upset. I immediately asked for an abortion; hoping I’d get to do the pill one. It was caught early enough to do the pill thankfully. So I took it. The pamphlet they gave me was pretty scary. It said I’d have blood clots the size of a lemon coming out of me. I knew this was going to be painful. I got myself all set up and shoved the 4 pills up my vagina. Then I watched dance moms on edibles and waited. It was a few moments of uncomfortable cramps but nothing like how my period normally is or my pregnancy cramps. It was like 10% of what I was used to cramp wise. I was shocked and grateful it wasn’t awful for me. Now I’m on day two and still bleeding of course. Except today it’s kinda hitting me. I really just did that. I’m a woman who purposely killed her baby. It isn’t natural and doesn’t feel natural. It had to happen though. There was no option to birth this child for me. I always knew this is what I’d have to do if I got pregnant. Im writing this now to help me process everything. A part of me is sad. But it’s not the kinda sad you’d expect. Im not looking off into the distance wondering what kind of person my kid would’ve been. It’s harder to describe. It’s a subtle ache in my chest. It’s a tiredness in my body I’ve never felt before. It’s knowing you just went through a self inflicted trauma even tho it didn’t feel that bad. It’s the guilt. Not guilt I’ve given myself but the guilt of all the women out there that can’t have kids. The mothers that felt like/didn’t have a choice but to birth their child. The mothers that felt like/didn’t have a choice but to abort their child. All the women out there that were trapped in a bad situation and couldn’t escape. I was able to make my choice freely and I will be endlessly grateful for that until the day I die. I’m still trying to process how I’m feeling about everything but this helped a bit.

[terezis]

this is unrelated to today’s episode of imbalance i just thought it’d be funny

Lup comes home to the mouth-watering smell of garlic sautéing on the stove. It's fucking delightful. She loves having a body again. Not enough people appreciate having a working nose; for a long moment, it's all she can do to stand in the hallway and inhale. Mmm. Fuck yeah, that's the good stuff. 

Then she kicks off her shoes and heads on into the kitchen, because after twelve years trapped inside an umbrella and several months as a lich, Lup also greatly enjoys having legs. It's the little things, you know? Taako's standing by stove, and when she enters, he glances back and waves her over to the counter.

"Oh, good, you're just in time," he says. "Come grate this parm. Where’s Barold?"

Lup rolls her eyes, but pads over and pulls a box grater out of the drawer. "What, no hello? Barry’s still filling out paperwork, he told me to go on ahead. What's cookin’?"

Taako sticks his tongue out and reaches past her for a bowl of diced tomatoes. "Pasta puttanesca," he says. The tomatoes sizzle finely as they're added to the pan. Lup watches as he stirs, then lowers the heat to let them simmer. "How was day one of Reaper school? You gank some ghouls yet? Slurp up any souls?"

"Nah, no soul slurping," Lup says. "That's day two." She eyes the skillet, then his mise en place. "You never add enough red pepper." She reaches for the little bowl.

Taako slaps at her hand. "Don't you fuckin' dare,” he says. “If you add it now it'll burn."

"Um, excuse you, it'll be nicely toasted." Lup elbows him back, then picks up the block of cheese and resolves to try again when he's not looking. "Orientation was good, though," she says. "Pretty standard onboarding. It reminded me of the IPRE a little, actually. Krav made us do icebreakers."

"What, like two truths and a lie?” Taako snorts and reaches for the salt. “’Course he did."

"I like him, though. He's a good egg."

"Who, Kravitz?"

"Yeah, he's a huge dork," she says, nibbling on a bit of cheese. "Like I almost feel bad about trying to kill him that one time. Did you know he collects board games?"

Taako thinks he's slick, but Lup catches the little smile on his face as he goes to taste the sauce. "Ch'yeah, I went over to his place after our third date, but instead of getting nasty—”

"Taako, gross!"

"—instead of getting nasty, we sat on the floor and played Fantasy Pokémon cards for three hours."

That startles a laugh out of her. "What?"

Taako shrugs. "Well, he kept demanding rematches. Took ‘im a while to realize I was transmuting the cards into fruit leather and eating them when he wasn't looking." He passes her the spoon. "Try this. More salt?"

"Too much salt. Also, oh my gods."

Taako purses his lips but thankfully puts down the salt shaker. "You shoulda seen the look on his face,” he says. “Fucking priceless. Ch’boy spent fuckin’ hours afterwards looking for a replacement deck, but like, totally worth it.”

Lup looks over at him, brows raised. Taako's still watching the sauce, but when he feels her eyes on him he glances up at her, frowning suspiciously. “What?”

“No, just—you did all that? Like you didn't blackmail Angus into scoping out the hobby shops for you? You went yourself?”

That gets him. Taako stiffens and he turns away again. “So what if I did?”

Lup whistles. "Damn, son. you got it bad, huh?"

Taako’s face reddens, and not from the heat of the stovetop. "I—no. Shut up!"

"Aw, I think it's sweet! Reminds me of me an' Bear."

Oh, he's definitely blushing. This is great. He tries to cover for it by stirring the olives and capers into the skillet, but jokes on him; Lup has eyes, and she can see the way his ears twitch. Taako says, "That's worse. You see how that's worse for me, your brother, right?"

Lup laughs. "I mean it! I'm glad. Today I watched your boy hold a conversation with a raven for thirty minutes. It wasn't even like, a familiar. It was just a regular bird."

"Yeah, he does that."

Lup nods decisively. "He's a keeper. You gotta be nice to him, you hear? Or I'll fill your socks with fruit punch. I will burn holes in all your favorite hats if you ever break this boy's heart. Lup's on Team Kravitz now. I’m gonna make t-shirts."

"Jokes on you, goofus, there are already holes in my hats. It's a fashion statement," Taako says. There's a pause, then he looks up, frowning. "Wait. Is this a shovel talk? You’re not—are you giving me a shovel talk right now?"

Lup grins.

"I’m your brother! Shouldn't you be giving Kravitz a shovel talk?" 

"Nah, everybody knows Krav's a sweetheart," Lup says. She hip checks him out of the way and sprinkles a little pepper into the sauce, while he’s distracted; some oregano, too, while she’s at it. "You, on the other hand..."

Taako brandishes his spoon at her, probably for emphasis. "I am your heart!" Mostly he’s emphasizing the way he just flicked sauce all over the wall.

"Give me that! I’m kidding. Mostly."

"Mostly," Taako scoffs.

Lup snatches the spoon away from him. "I'm just saying, he's sensitive! The other day Magnus jumped out at him from behind the couch and it scared him so bad he was all bones and no boy for like twenty minutes. You gotta be nice."

"I’m very nice!"

Lup raises a brow.

"I’m nice to Kravitz," Taako says, after a beat.

"Good!" Lup covers the skillet and leaves it to thicken. "Kravitz deserves a nice boy. Not a boy who eats his toys when he's not looking."

"I didn't eat the rare ones," Taako grumbles.

Lup laughs. "Is he coming over for dinner? He didn't say."

Taako dares a glance at her, eyes narrowed in suspicion like this is a trick. "Yeah. I've got a tart chilling in the ice box. He goes nutso for that shit, you’d think he’d never had a dessert before.”

Lup feels a little bad, because she was trying to offer him an olive branch, but Taako just makes it too easy for her. "Oh, you made his favorite, huh?"

Taako summons a Mage Hand to push her bodily out the door. “And we’re done! Out! Get out of my kitchen. You’re dead to me, goodbye!"

“Aw, since when is being dead a problem for you? Kravitz will be so sad!”

Taako’s outrage is music to her ears.

[everseeking]

Hi! Is it okay to ask for a Levi smutxfluff where he's benched from injuring his leg but it's getting a lot better. His fem! S/o is part of his squad and he gets the report that she was in a life threatening situation but she made it safe and he's waiting for the scouts to return. He waits for them and doesn't know what to feel fjejfjs im sorry this is hella long!!! Also no manga spoilers/references please

 - hello !! thank you so much for requesting ! that’s totally okay and don’t apologize for the length, it helped me out having details :) there aren’t any manga spoilers or references, but there are season 2 spoilers in case anyone hasn’t finished it yet. i hope you enjoy and thank you again for requesting <3

relief

- levi ackerman x reader

- warnings: season two spoilers, nsfw contains smut; hand job, oral (giving), fingering, cream pie, slight overstimulation but not much, AFAB!reader

once again, levi injured his damn leg.

after being temporarily handicapped from his leg injury when he initially fought the female titan, he made a personal vow to never let an injury like that happen to him again. it was a major setback and seriously hindered his abilities. but unfortunately, titans makes no promises.

it was during an expedition, of course, and things were taking a turn for the worst. levi was unaware that his squad would be needed on an expedition the next day, so he kept them up late the night before to polish their skills as much as possible. during the mission, it was clear they could barely keep their eyes open.

levi was extremely stressed out, worrying about his team as well as what he was going to say to erwin later when he yelled at the commander for such a late notice on the mission. for now, the captain had to make up for much of his team's slack. as much as the kids wanted to put up an argument when he flew in and stole their prey, they kept their mouths shut. there was no way they could’ve finished the job on their own and knew their protests weren't worth it, as it felt kind of wrong to argue with someone who was saving their lives.

it was brutal work since he too was bordering onto exhaustion, but levi pushed through and helped his team clean up the last hoard of titans. just when he thought he was in the clear, a titan came up on sasha and tried to grab her. if he had gone any slower to finding her, he wouldn’t have been able to save her. but thankfully, levi was able to use the last bit of his gas all at once to throw himself forward and push her out of the way.

he seriously couldn’t catch a break as this resulted in him getting himself caught in the titan's grip. his blades weren't drawn prior to being grabbed so cutting himself out was impossible. the giant had levi's entire lower half engulfed in its hand. if his second in command hadn’t been there he would have for sure been a goner.

it was y/n’s turn to play hero, as she flew in and swiftly sliced the titan's nape, freeing not only her captain but also her partner from definite doom.

levi wished he could say it was a clean save, but he couldn't deny the bone crunching he heard below him. they arrived back home in one piece with only levi's broken leg to report.

so not only had he injured his leg again, but it was worse than his sprained ankle from the forest. the captain was even more upset when the medics informed him that he had to be benched for six weeks. that meant no physical activity for six weeks. yes, that includes sex.

over the course of his healing, there were many times when he claimed to be okay so he could accompany his team on expeditions, only to be rushed back to bed by his colleagues. many people even urged y/n to nail down the door to her and levi’s shared room in order to keep him trapped in there. y/n laughed off the idea, not even considering it because she knew levi would only feel more tempted to break out. a few nails wouldn’t stop him. the only thing he could say he enjoyed about his time off was having y/n as his "personal nurse," when she wasn’t off with the rest of the team. she still had to stop things from getting too heated every now and then.

“doctor’s orders !” she’d always say as she stopped a heated make out session or after he had tried to pull her into his lap.

when it came to more domestic care, levi hated having her watch after him. he definitely appreciated it, but the last thing he wanted was to be a burden to her. he wasn’t just burdening her with his personal care, but also the burden of the entire team since she would be his replacement for the time being. many times he tried to wave off his partner and tell her he could manage on his own before he finally told her he didn’t want to have to rely on her. he was surprised when she brushed back the hair in front of his forehead to kiss his forehead, whispering that she wanted to take care of him and help him. 

finally, he had reached the sixth week and was ready to hit the sky again. the morning of the latest mission, y/n noticed levi had a bit of a pep in his step as he prepared to venture outside the walls for the first time in a few weeks. she giggled at his poor attempts to get excited since he wasn't the best at expressing his emotions, but she felt a little guilty since she didn't have the heart to tell him that he was once again sitting this one out.

hanji had pulled y/n aside the night before and broken the news to her. she explained that although his road to recovery had been going well, he needed to take one more week to ensure that he was completely healed. it hurt y/n’s heart a little bit to hear this. over the last few weeks she watched her partner practically counting down the days until his return, so she made sure to tell hanji that she wouldn't be the one breaking the news to him.

hanji also knew how restless her friend was and wasn't sure if she would comeback alive after telling him the news, so she waited until the last possible second to tell him. literally, word got around that it was time to make the final preparations before heading off when she pulled him aside and told him.

he was enraged to say the least. he grabbed the front of hanji's shirt and pulled her down to his level as he began to chew her out in front of everyone. the soldiers awkwardly shuffled past the two, definitely not wanting to get involved. it wasn't until y/n came and informed the two of them that it was time to go when he finally let go of her. hanji laughed nervously and decided to give the couple one last minute of alone time as she headed back to her squad.

there was a lot they wanted to say to each other, levi wanting to tell y/n to be careful and y/n wanting to apologize for not telling him sooner, but they both knew this wasn't the time for a conversation. y/n put on a determined face and told him that she would do her best to lead the team in his place, offering him a salute, then headed over to join the others.

levi was super bummed. he waited behind and watched as the horses left to make their way towards the outer walls before he sulked to himself and retreated back to his quarters to finish the less exciting side of his job; paperwork.

it had been a few hours since the cadets had left that morning, so the golden sunlight that was now pouring through levi's windows notified him that they should be back any minute now. he stood up from his small desk and stretched his back that had started to stiffen up from sitting in his chair for the last few hours. many nights had been spent sleeping in the same chair, but he swore it was more comfortable sleeping in it than doing paperwork it in.

he took a look around the room and saw the rays of sun illuminated the dust particles floating through the air. it annoyed him to say the least, as he had yet to find a way to clean the air. for now, he would settle for sweeping the room one last time. just as he was pulling a broom out of the closet, a hard knock came from his door.

"captain levi ?" a young soldier called from the other side. levi was slightly annoyed that he was being interrupted, but he managed to keep the ‘this better be important,’ thoughts to himself.

he placed the broom back in the closet and made his way to the door. upon opening it, he saw the distressed look on the soldier's face.

"what is it ?" levi pryed, not really sure what to expect at this point.

the soldier straightened up and cleared his throat. "the first group from today's expedition has arrived with a report. the rest of the scouts are on their way back now, but i was told to hand you the part of the report that regards the condition of your team." the boy held out the paper in his hand for his superior to take.

levi practically ripped the paper out of the soldier’s hand, causing him to flinch a little, but it was understandable. a million scenarios were playing through levi’s mind about what could have happened. he feared that once again he had lost his entire squad and had to start all over again. it was a pain he never wanted to live through again, especially since his lover was apart of his team this time.

his eyes quickly scanned the clearly hastily scribbled words, searching for words like death, killed, and eaten. the was almost at the end of the page when he realized he hadn’t heard anything terrible yet. eren ended up not needing the use his titan form, mikasa had another impressive kill streak, armin and connie were in a bit of a predicament but got out fine, and jean and sasha were safe too. the only one that had been yet to mentioned was y/n.

in an attempt to distract a group of titans from one of her fellow soldiers whose ODM gear was malfunctioning, y/n l/n used herself as bait. she was successful in saving the soldiers life, but one of the titans caught ahold of one of her gear’s cables and she was thrown to the ground. l/n was found unconscious by armin arlert and she is currently being watched until the group arrives and she can be transported to the infirmary for a full check up.

levi’s heart sank deeper and deeper into his stomach with every word he read. y/n was always putting others first regardless of how dangerous a situation was. she was selfless to a fault. he warned her many times that something like this would happen, but she never listened. her heart would never let her not help someone in need. it was one of the things he loved about her the most.

the awkward shuffling of the messenger soldier’s feet brought levi back to reality. before waving him off, levi asked if there was any more information than what was shared in the report, but he shook his head.

the soldier finally left, leaving levi frozen in the middle of his room. the report was too vague for him to know what to think or do. 

how high was she from the ground when she fell ? did she just get knocked out ? or did she hit her head hard enough to cause internal bleeding ? 

the thought that her current condition could be much different from the report also crossed his mind. y/n was stated to only be unconscious, but she could have gotten worse since. 

there’s no point in pondering the what-ifs, he reminded himself, but it was easier said than done. he moved over to his neatly tucked bed and sat down on the edge of it, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands.

he didn’t know what he would do if he lost her. what the team would do if they lost her. before he could fall back into his dark thoughts about his partner’s condition, a large commotion came from outside alerting him that the cadets were back.

with a small stumble as he jumped up from his bed, levi sprinted out of his room to go outside. there were already a lot of people crowding around the carts and horses, so he did his best to slip past them all. the people in the way that had managed to see his face instantly moved aside, not wanting to anger the captain after seeing the intense look on his face.

after making his way to the front of the crowd, levi scanned the area in search of y/n, having no luck until he heard a familiar voice yelling ‘captain.’

his eyes met with eren’s who was waving frantically in order to flag down his captain who was now quickly making his way over to the group.

“she’s alright,” the titan shifter called out over the other voices in the crowd. levi didn’t want to get his hopes up as he wasn’t sure how accurate eren’s words were, but regardless, a wave of relief came over him.

as he pulled up next to the cart they were sitting in, levi also met armin, who nodded in agreement with what eren was saying. the blond opened his mouth to add onto what his friend had said, when he was interrupted.

“where’s levi ?”

hearing his partner’s voice almost brought levi to his knees. the weight of not knowing her condition finally fell off his shoulders. he peered over the side of the cart to see y/n laying on the ground on her back with a white bandage wrapped around her entire head. her face instantly lit up when she saw him.

the girl jumped up and threw herself onto the captain, wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight hug. if this were any other situation he would’ve told her to get off of him, but right now he allowed himself to wrap one arm around her back and placed his free hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer to him.

levi couldnt bring himself to scold her for being too rough while she was injured. instead, he sighed and hugged her tighter.

“thank god you’re okay,” he breathed out against her hair. he felt her smile widen as she nuzzled her head deeper into the crook of his neck.

after the two finally pulled apart from each other, levi immediately took y/n to the infirmary where they confirmed she only had a minor concussion.

the moment they entered their shared room for the night, levi pulled y/n in for another hug. she graciously accepted, wrapping her tired arms around his middle.

he pulled back and brought up a hand to brush her hair away from her face so he could place a soft kiss on her forehead where her bandages previously were.

y/n placed her hands on levi’s cheeks and gently pulled his face down so she could plant a kiss on his lips. levi eagerly kissed back and began taking careful steps backwards to lead her onto the bed.

they now sat on the edge of the bed and kiss turned more passionate, with y/n opening her mouth to swipe her tongue across levi's lower lip asking for entrance into his mouth. he eagerly accepted, greeting her tongue with his own as they made out.

without breaking the kiss, y/n carefully straddled herself onto levi's lap taking extra care to not put too much pressure on his healing leg. however, her plans became a lost cause when he grabbed her hips to meet his. her eyes widened as she felt his bulge between her legs. tension built up in her core as she instinctively rolled her hips forward to grind herself against his clothed crotch.

it was levi's turn for his eyes to widen as a wave of pleasure swept across his body. he broke the kiss to meet his partner's lustful eyes as she recoiled her hips back once again to bring herself more pleasure. he sharply inhaled before kissing her deeply one last time before throwing her off his lap.

y/n flopped down on the bed next to him, laughing, but she took the hint and started undressing herself like he did. once their clothes were in a messy heap on the floor, levi took a moment to pull her head close to him so he could kiss the side of it, worried he had only made her concussion worse when he threw her off of him moments ago.

“are you okay ?” he pressed, lips still against her head.

y/n laughed and placed her hand on top of his that was on the side of her head. “i told you a million times that im okay, my love.”

“and i’ll ask you a million more times just to be sure,” he replied, pulling back.

as he moved away, y/n grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him in for another deep kiss. one of the captain's hands placed itself on the small of her back to pull her closer while the other felt around behind her looking for the bed. once he gripped the sheets, he brought the hand up to the other side of her back and took a step to turn his own back towards the bed, then fell onto it, pulling y/n down with him so she would land on top of him.

he cringed as he remembered her concussion and quickly asked if she was okay, only for her to laugh once again and reassure him she was fine. before levi could ask anymore questions or make anymore quips, she returned her lips to his. their tongues explored each other’s mouths, searching every inch of each other’s caverns.

she pulled her lips away from his to smile at him while she slowed her breathing. the sight alone was enough to make levi fall in love all over again. her messy h/c hair fell perfectly, combined with her eyes filled with pure adoration from looking at him and the goofy smile that was on her lips. no one had ever looked at him the way she had. his eyes tore apart from hers and trailed down to see the rest of her body.

"you're absolutely perfect," he whispered, just loud enough for y/n to hear as he took in every curve on her body. levi thanked the stars that the moon was bright enough tonight to let him see the soft pink hue that spread across her cheeks as he complimented her.

she leaned in close to his ear and whispered "as are you," back to him. each movement of her lips tickled against his earlobe. it sent a shiver down his spine. y/n shifted her body weight so that she was now sitting up and straddling his lap once again. her right hand met his strong chest, then dragging down to his toned abdomen followed by his lower stomach.

y/n scooted back so she could get a full view of  his hardened cock. her index finger traced a straight line from the base of his member to the tip. it took a lot of self control for levi keep himself from shuddering as her nail softly grazed the side of his cock.

levi propped himself up with his elbows. to get a good look at what she was doing. he watched as her hand went back to the base of his shaft and her fingers wrapped around it. she started slowly pumping him, resulting in his breaths becoming deeper. he closed his eyes for a mere second when a new wave of pleasure swept across him that made his eyes roll back in his head.

y/n had lowered her face and began sucking on just the head of his cock while her hand's pace quickened. her cheeks hollowed out from the pressure of sucking his tip and he fisted one of his hands into her hair. he didn't push her head down, rather, he gripped it to stimulate pleasure for her as well as to let her know he was enjoying what she was doing.

she hummed against him and started to incorporate her tongue as she swirled it around his head, which sent yet another wave of pleasure throughout his body. when y/n added her free hand to the mix, using it to fondle his balls, the stimulation almost became too much for levi to stand. he used the fist in her hair to pull her off him and up to his face.

a small dribble of spit leaked out of the corner of her mouth. before y/n had a chance to wipe it, levi was pulling her forward and swiping his tongue against her mouth to lick it off, then planted open mouth kisses down her face and up her jawline until he reached her neck where began to suck her skin and create a few hickeys. she slowly leaned her head back to give him better access to her neck.

she said a silent thank you when she realized the marks were placed just low enough to be hidden by the collar of her white shirt so no one would know a thing the next day. everyone already freaked out enough when they found out y/n and levi were a couple.

without removing his lips from her neck, levi lifted y/n from her hips then moved one of his hands to feel the folds of her pussy. she was soaking wet, so all her had to do was cover his index and middle fingers with his slick before he slowly slid them both inside of her. a low moan came from y/n’s parted lips as levi’s fingers went deeper inside of her. 

he pumped them slowly, reaching deeper each time until he was knuckles deep into her core. when he curled his fingers to hit her g-spot, she had had enough.

“inside of me...i need you inside of me levi,” y/n moaned, digging her nails into his back. levi laughed to himself at how desperate his lover had become from just his fingers. it was clear to him that he needed to avoid any injuries that could put a halt to his sex life at all costs from now on. 

he pulled his wet fingers out of her and gripped his cock, making sure to cover it with her juices that were still on his fingers so it would be easier to push inside of her, then positioned himself with her entrance. y/n moaned once again as his tip rubbed against her folds before sliding into her. she sharply inhaled as his head entered her. levi gave her a moment to signal that she was ready before thrusting deeper inside of her. after a few weeks of abstinence, y/n needed a bit longer to get adjusted.

after about a minute, levi was able to thrust his hips up and push his full length inside of her as she dug her nails deeper into his back. he knew it was payback for him marking up her neck when she broke her hazy gaze to give him a smirk. just for that, he pulled himself almost completely out of her, then thrusted balls deep back into her, hard.

y/n’s hand flew off her partner’s back and onto her mouth to stifle the loud moan that almost escaped. she shot him a fake glare and he returned the smirk she had given him earlier. levi wanted nothing more than to hear her call out his name loudly, but it wasn’t worth the harassment he’d face from his colleagues the next day.

after she had composed herself, y/n removed her hand from her mouth and placed it on her partner’s bicep. he stopped thrusting into her, knowing she wanted to take over. just like he had thought, y/n started to rock her hips so she was grinding on him much like she had done whilst they were still clothed.

the pleasure was much more enjoyable now that he was inside her. each time she rolled her hips forward, his cock hit her cervix. now it was levi’s turn to stifle a moan, as y/n road him into ecstasy. his grip on her hips increased which most definitely left yet another mark on her skin.

the fact that y/n was biting her lower lip also didn’t go unnoticed by the captain. whenever she did this it was a sure fire way of telling him she was close to her release. he wrapped one arm around her back and in a swift motion flippped both of them over so that y/n was on her back and he was hovering over her.

she let out a small squeal at his sudden shift and wanted to scold him for not being careful with his leg, but her words were lost as he snapped his hips against hers. she once again went to cover her mouth to avoid her moans escaping, but levi’s hands interlocking with her own prevented her from doing so. he gave both her hands a quick squeeze before going back to thrusting himself into her. her eyes stayed trained on his, while his watched the way she engulfed his cock. it drove him so crazy she could feel him twitch inside of her. he high was near, but there was no way he was going to let himself finish before his partner.

he focused more on his thrusts, moving his hips better so he would hit her g-spot harder with each thrust. the way he rolled his hips to meet her core finally sent her over the edge. he kissed her deeply as she moaned against his lips while he continued to ride out her climax. even after she had come down from her high, levi kept thrusting into her, chasing his own release.

the overstimulation was enough to send her over the edge again, this time being joined by his own release. he let out a low grunt as he finished inside of her painting her inner walls with his cum.

levi pumped into y/n three more times before he stopped and fell onto her chest, not even bothering to pull out. after six weeks of no sex, their orgasms were both super intense.

“maybe we should wait another six weeks before our next round if it’s gonna be that good again,” y/n teased.

levi’s head shot up so he could see her face. y/n bust out laughing when he finally realized she was kidding. levi rolled his eyes and pushed himself off her so he could slide out of her.

the mix of their juices that escaped her as he unsheathed his cock from her made his member twitch back to life, becoming hard again.

“or i guess we could go again right now,” y/n added after sitting up herself and seeing his hard on.

levi smiled and pushed her back down gently then hovered over top of her once again.

“that’s more like it.”

[kqiji]

mkay. i was thinking??? yaku sleeping on ur lap or smthn under the trees GADK19EKSG SO CUTE

ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ?!??!??!??!?!? THIS IS SO CUTE IM HLLERINH. OF COURZ ANYTHING FOR YAKU.

pairing ★ yaku x gn!reader. warnings ★ pet name use, i love yaku.

you gazed out your window, looking at the fallen leaves and off into the distance. you can feel your heart long for stepping into the warm, crispy, autumn weather.

you picked up your phone quickly, unlocking it and opening the phone app in a hurry, trying to call a certain someone.

" hello? "

" i miss you, meet me at the park? " you absently state, playing with your own fingers and fiddling while waiting for a response from the male on the other side of the line.

" sure, see you in 10 baby. i miss you too."

you sighed contently, hanging up the line and putting the phone down. truth is, you've been wanting to experience the fall with your boyfriend.

exploring those small events happening in town, watch a movie outdoors since the weather is better, enjoy a picnic and jump in some leaves, carve pumpkins, there was just so much for you both to do.

but, despite the demand from school, your boyfriend was trapped with volleyball.

you weren't mad—oh no, not at all—it was quite the opposite. you were proud of yaku, he was pushing through so many challenges and was improving every day!

yet because of that, you both barely had time to see each other if not on the weekends. you missed him, the leave of his presence taking a toll on you.

but alas, the school had given the third years a 2 week autumn vacation to appreciate their hard work. which, thankfully, you and your boyfriend have been using and making the most out of it despite only being 2 days in.

so that leads you to where you are, walking through the park in search for a spot to sit at.

your eyes land on the perfect spot, right under a tree.

the grass under the tree was padded with fallen, warm leaves, the branches were scattered enough to soften the sunlight hitting the area, it looked like a scene out of a disney movie.

you walked towards it in a hurry, the sound of leaves crunching under your feet satisfying your ears. today seemed like it was your lucky day!

seating yourself on the ground, you couldn't help but relax, staring into the distance and taking in the beautiful scenery.

the comfort of the site, warmed by the constant sun, is a place to take in the beauty of the park, the beauty of a happy community at play with all the couples present.

the park told the story of the seasons, one new page each day, thanks to the beautiful trees.

this place was a haven for your spirit during those trying times, as well as a place where you and your boyfriend enjoyed some of your fondest memories.

the aroma of the warm weather flooding your senses, it reminded you of—

" weather's beautiful, huh? " your train of thought interrupted, the shadow of a standing figure hovering over you.

tilting your head up, you couldn't help but smile. a soft and small " hey. " escaping you lips as your eyes glazed over the bright smile plastered onto the blond male.

" hey. " he replied in a soft tone, mimicking your own. he stepped to your side and sat down, the dark leaves crunching as he placed himself next to you.

turning your head, you were greeting by an already staring face. " no kiss? " you ask, smiling teasingly as you crossed your arms and faked being upset.

yaku playfully rolled his eyes, " so needy. "

he looked up at you, staring at your orbs as he felt himself get sucked into the galaxies that were placed into your eyes. time felt like it had stopped when yaku had suddenly cupped your face gently and leaned down, closing his eyes and anticipating what would happen next.

he leaned all the way in until your lips met. soft and warm, sweet, with a taste of ramen? did he really eat ramen without you >:(. his hand was still on your face, and that warmth slowly took over the coolness of your skin.

he gently pulled away, mouth opening to speak, " i love you, thank you for being patient with me. i know i've been busy, but i'll make it up to you. "

you couldn't help but giggle at how he sweet he was, " gosh you're so sappy, i love you too though. " you spoke gently as he dropped his hand from your face—

" do you mind if i lay in your lap? "

now that, caught you by surprise, causing a blush to creep up your neck and stain your face as you nodded.

yaku smiled appreciatively, turning his body so his back was facing you before leaning back, resting his head onto your lap and looking straight up at you, pure love staining his brown eyes.

you couldn't help but awe softly as you watched how he picked up your hand, placing it in his hair, " play with my hair. " he instructed, turning to face your way, his back facing the public, as sleep slowly took over him.

" and i'm needy, huh? " you joked in s low voice, entangling your fingers in his short and soft blond hair, rolling the strands between your fingers and alternating with massaging his scalp.

a sigh of content escaped both of your lips,

so this is love?

THANK YOU FOR SUGGESTING THIS ANON ILYSM THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY TO WRITE I LOVE YAKU SO MUCH :( &lt;;/3

hey there ! join my taglist &lt;3

taglist :@wispycecilia , @ctactus

[arminty7]

𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘞𝘪𝘯𝘦

Mermaid!Jungkook x Reader [Part 3]

Trapped in this life of expensive wine and judgemental eyes Y/N met an unusual lady who offered her a job at an aquarium a few towns away. Despite being hesitant and uncertain for the future she decided to take the offer as it was her only way out, not knowing that many dangers might come her way.

Jungkook swam his way through the small tunnel in wonder. He didn’t realise what he was ‘walking’ into as he took the entire night to explore a tunnel. He thought it might lead to you, how naive. It is only when he heard the piercing sound of drilling from the small tunnel entrance did he know what was happening, he was trapped. With that, his instincts took over.

Chapter: #3 Swimming in Wine

Words: 4843

Warnings: Mild Swearing // Fluff // Eventual Smut? Idk maybe depends // Jungkook obsessive // Evil Namjoon (im sorry guys) // It might be a little messed up.

AN - It's been a while. I know. 

© arminty7 2020 - All rights reserved.

This work shall not be copied, reproduced, translated and/or modified in any way without my permission. In a case where this might happen, legal action will be taken as it would be a criminal act under the law and breaching these terms. Upon reading my work you are acknowledging that this work is mine and that you know the consequences if this work is copied, reproduced, translated and/or modified in any way without my permission.

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It was early in the morning when the sun started to creep its way into the room. You were sitting on your bed and surprisingly enough, you were already awake. You never used to be such an early bird, but throughout these past few nights, you would wake up drenched in sweat. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't stop thinking about the incident on the cliff. Upon sleeping, you could almost feel the arms of the creature wrapped around you, like its haunting touch has placed a permanent mark on you. When thinking about it more deeply, it felt human to you. The arms of a human, but its touch too deeply pressed on your skin: the coldness you felt, reached down to your bones. It was like death was clinging onto you, with you as its life source.  

 "Hey Y/N? You up?" You heard a whisper and you saw Julie poking her head through the door as she opened it slightly. You look over at her with a relaxed expression and a soft smile.  

"Yeah, I'm already up. Did you want to go and get a coffee near the waterfront before dropping me off to work?" You stand up from your bed and start fixing the blankets and pillows. 

 "Yeah that sounds like a good idea, let me go get my bag and we can leave soon." She spoke as she left the room, closing the door but not all the way. 

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Looking out onto the ocean, it felt calm today. Although the tranquillity that you felt while looking out onto the shore exhibited a chaotic kind of peace. The calm before the storm. You could feel it, the anger of the waves crashing down and the freeing nature of the water wanting to come out. But it held restraint, it couldn't do anything even if it tried. Something was missing but you didn't know what. All you knew was that the feeling you had felt when looking out towards the ocean, changed somehow. The calm waters seemed too good to be true.

 You sat there at the coffee shop across from the beach near where you work. The smell of sea-salt and fish mixed with coffee seemed like a horrible combination, but the locals were used to it. You found comfort in the idea that you might get used to it too. The coffee that you held in your hands was hot against the cool air. You sipped your coffee while waiting for Julie to come back with her usual morning cravings of insatiable sweet pastries. 

 “So, tell me. Have you made any work friends? Any of them cute?” Julie sat down across from you, taking you away from your thoughts. You looked over at her and chuckled, rolling your eyes.

“I have made some friends, not many but hopefully that will change in time” You smiled slightly looking out at the ocean again, feeling yourself get distracted but not with anything in particular. "Well it’s your first day today so make sure to stay on your toes, but don't overwork yourself," Julie spoke while her mouth is full of sweet dough-like pastries, more focused on the icing coating the top of her lips, not realising that you have been spacing out this entire time. 

Thankfully you're good at multi-tasking and you chuckle at her comment, "It’s funny, people keep forgetting that I have worked at an aquarium before you know? It's not that much of a big deal." You sip your coffee but immediately placed it back down on the table, it was too sweet.

You look at your watch, realising its time to go. Plus, you would rather be at work than trying to have a normal conversation with her, you know she's trying but she's not your caretaker or mother, she doesn't need to try so hard.

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As you walk through the entrance of the Aquarium you could immediately feel the difference in atmosphere from the other day. The busy environment that you knew so well back home at the aquarium suddenly felt familiar. The buzzing sounds of life engulfed the reception as many families and residents were chatting away while waiting in line. Kids nagging at their parents and young couples looking at each other lovingly while waiting in line.  There were not many people though as it was early, and it wasn't officially open for another 30 minutes. 

You walked past them towards the reception and saw Seokjin who looked busy talking to the people in line. He glanced over at you and he made an expression as if he remembered something.

"Ah Y/N, Jimin told me to tell you to wait for him at the food court at the bar. You'll be working with him today. Taehyung is meant to be here, but he called in sick". You nodded, silently chuckling to yourself as Taehyung probably just called in sick because he was "too busy" or had some "emergency". While in reality, he's probably watching a new season of a drama he recently got addicted to. 

You head your way to the food court after you say goodbye to Seokjin. It seemed quiet in the food court but simultaneously busy as workers prepared for the day. You could see some workers running around in their little cafes or tourist shops as you walk towards the main bar. You could hear your heels hit the glassy floor, echoing as it bounced off the wall of the gigantic room. 

The bar had no one in it. You suppose it didn't open till later in the day. It was weird to you, you have never seen an Aquarium that had a bar before. Mind you, you never really travelled anywhere so you wouldn't know if it's a common thing to have at Aquariums. 

You sat on the stool, looking at the giant tank circling the entire food court, acting as a wall around the large room. You tried to look through it to see how far it went but all you could see was the light blue ocean that seemed almost endless. Some small school fish could also be seen swimming in the tank. It felt as though you were in the middle of the ocean. All alone. 

In contrast to the light blue colour that is seen throughout the rest of the room, the small tank that was built into the wall behind the bar looked darker and overgrown. It was a very small square tank that resembled a small window. You could barely see through it, a thick layer of algae covering the glass, it looked so dark in there. Maybe it was connected to another section of the aquarium, perhaps it even descended underground?

You shivered and looked around the food court, were you being watched? You could feel the sudden nervousness tingling throughout your body.

It was a weird feeling that came upon you, an icy cold feeling of loneliness like the air had suddenly shifted. The voices of the other workers in the food court were drifting away and you were slowly slipping away from reality. An alluring voice crept into your ear, singing an enchanting but hypnotising harmony. Somehow you could sense that it wasn't one of the workers for the voice sounded too angelic, too sweet to even be real. Your bones were chilled as you sensed the familiar feeling of cold strong arms enveloping around your waistline and chest as if you were reliving the moment by the cliff. You could physically feel it, its touch… his touch. Closing your eyes, you could feel the cold sharp wind from that moment above the water as it brushed against your cheeks. The creature’s hot breath giving you some type of warmth in the moment, yet it felt unknown to you. Mortality was clutching you in its hands, but you felt so safe. Like it was saving you despite drowning you at the same time. 

You shook your head, awaking from the trance that you were in. Glancing back over at the tank behind the bar and you saw a dark figure in the water. It stayed there looking through the algae ridden glass. You could only see a face, black and blue scales on its cheekbones and jaw. It looked human, but at the same time, you knew it wasn't. Its alluring golden eyes, shining in the water, staring into your own. Its eyes were soulless. 

By the time you blinked, it was gone.

You stood up, wanting to go closer to the small tank behind the bar. Making your way behind the bar, you were stopped by a strong hand pulling your shoulder back. "What are you doing here?" You turned to see a man who held your shoulder with a firm grip, his eyes staring straight into yours.

Oh, if looks could kill.

"I uhh.." Your mind went blank as you stepped back a bit, away from the man. He looked annoyed while you struggled to let the words out. By this time, you forgot what just happened moments ago.

"Answer my question" He spoke quietly but sternly, letting go of your shoulder but moving a step closer to make sure you can't run away. 

"I was waiting for-" 

"Yoongi-Hyung, what are you doing?? Leave the poor girl alone, you'll give her a heart attack" You sighed in relief as you saw Jimin walk up to the bar. 

'You know this girl?" He spoke in a serious tone, you remembered what Taehyung said earlier about the Bartender, I guess this is him.

Jimin nodded, leaning on the bar. "Her name is Y/N, she's the new recruit Hoseok was telling us about" Jimin looks over at you with a charming smile while you take the opportunity to escape the bar and onto Jimin's side. 

Yoongi looked at you and then back at Jimin, "well get outta here will you, the aquarium opens up soon”.  

You nodded and Jimin just smirks before looking over at you "Come on Y/N, we have a busy day ahead of us" He stands up, grabbing your hand, giving you his signature smile before leading you out of the food court and down the hall.

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Third Person POV

"I can't believe we are opening up the aquarium a day after we caught it, what if it escapes?!" Hoseok looked down at the ground continuously tapping his foot on the ground as he leaned on the bookshelf in the office. Namjoon sat there in the chair in front of him. 

"Don't worry, it can't escape" Namjoon reassured him and then continued. 

"We have reason to believe it got stuck in an old tunnel filled with water that was built throughout the aquarium. We constructed the tunnel ages ago for the public and we were going to add glass windows to it, so you can look through the tunnel. However, the construction wasn't going as planned and we halted the idea." 

"So, it's just swimming in a small tunnel throughout the aquarium walls with no way out? Like a maze? In pitch-black darkness?" Hoseok widened his eyes, he never heard of such a thing. 

"You have nothing to worry about, the tunnel that he swam through to get in the aquarium was connected to the ocean, but we blocked it off as soon as we found out he swam in it. He's stuck in there." 

"Are you certain? Have you swum through the tunnel yourself? How do you know there's no other way he can reach the other aquariums for the public to see?" Hoseok said, his voice raised. He walked up to the front of the desk, his hands crossed, Namjoon could sense his doubt radiating off of him. 

"Before this place was opened to the public, I got some divers to check it out, it has no pockets or windows. It's pitch black down there" he tried to reassure Hoseok again. Namjoon looked up at Hoseok and he nodded, uncrossing his arms. 

"Let's hope he doesn't go too crazy down there, we'll have to get him out soon." He continued, "Oh, by the way, Jackson called. He said yes to the deal." Hoseok 

"Good. We will prepare the creature for transport soon".  

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It was a busy day. 

You sat off to the side as Jimin stood in his wetsuit on the platform of the dolphin's tank. He had a big smile stretched across his face as he instructed the dolphins while the crowd watched from the bleachers. With every flick of his hand, the dolphins would jump up in the air and the echoes of cheering would fill the small arena. You had a bucket of fish with you and you watched as each dolphin would come up to you after doing a trick. You sat on the side of the tank, you were visible to the public eye, but they weren't paying attention to you. It was sad really, you knew what went on in aquariums. How ironic that you want to be free yourself when working at an establishment that rejects freedom. You looked at the next dolphin that swam your way, it seemed weaker than the others. You went closer to the tank and sat on the edge. It slowly swam up to you, it was at that very moment that you saw a gash stretched out on its back. It wasn't bleeding, and you could easily see that it’s been there for a while.

You looked up at Jimin in worry although he didn't take notice. He held the microphone as he catered to the audience. You looked back at the dolphin and reached a fish from the bucket. Perhaps it was self-inflicted somehow. You heard that stuff can happen in aquariums. You watched the dolphin gently swim away, back down into the water, following the strict routine that was given to them before the show. 

After the show ended, you still couldn't get that dolphin out of your head. Its empty expression in its eyes is still burned in your mind. All the hope and optimism you once associated with dolphins was now gone. 

You stood there in the tiny tin room out the back of the aquarium near the dolphin tank, cleaning buckets of fish that were now empty. Jimin left you and went to go help another co-worker and gave you the task of cleaning out buckets that radiated the smell of decaying fish. You remember the innocent smile he gave you when he asked you for this little favour. It was your job, you couldn't say no - and he knew that. 

"Thanks, Y/N! I owe you" Jimin yelled out, waving his hand as he ran off. 

It was around 4 pm when you finished cleaning. Your body felt tired from the long day and you and Jimin were headed to the bar.

As you stepped into the food court the feeling you had before suddenly crept through your body. You shivered, and a sudden feeling of dread came upon you. It was weird, you didn't even think about the incident after it happened. Like you suddenly forgot about it. But now, as you slowly walk up towards the bar, you felt a chill encompassed around your bones. 

Jimin sat down on the stool on the bar and placed a hand under his chin. He looked up at Yoongi with a smirk, "So, how's business?". Yoongi took a glance up at the both of you and looked back down again, wiping the bar down. 

"It was pretty slow today. It was weird, I expected more people to come" Yoongi said quietly. You sat down next to Jimin and crossed your arms over the bar, letting your head rest gently on your arms. 

"Hey, I just cleaned that" Yoongi looked over at you but after the day you had, you couldn't care less. You replied with a monotone "sorry" but stayed in your current position. He could tell that you were tired and surprisingly enough, he didn't push it. 

"So, you remember that key I gave to you right? The one I found?" Jimin straightened up at Yoongi's words and looked over at you for a split second. 

"Yeah I remember, what about it?" Yoongi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well I need it back" Jimin looked confused, "but I thought you found it, that it had no meaning to you. That's why you gave it to me in the first place"

Yoongi sighed, "To be honest it was actually Hoseok's. I was curious to know what it's for, so I gave it to you. I didn't realise you wouldn't tell me after you found out. Still, after all these years, you haven't told me! To think, I was the one who gave you the key in the first place". Yoongi grabbed a glass from under the bar and shoved some ice in it before filling it up with apple juice. He passed it to you as if to tell you that he still remembers that you're here.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "Yeah, you gave me the key because you were too lazy to figure it out on your own". 

"The point is, I need it. Where is it?" Yoongi looked somewhat anxious as he wiped down the bar for the third time. 

Jimin shrugs, reaching his arm over to take your drink from the table that you haven't touched.

It’s too sweet. He sipped it casually and looked over at you before landing his eyes towards Yoongi again. "I don't know, I threw it away, I found no use for it". 

Yoongi crossed his arms frowned, "that's bullshit, you are lying, and you know it, you've always been a bad liar". Yoongi then looks at you, your arms still crossed as you lay your head there, if they didn't know any better, they would have assumed you were asleep. Except you laid there, silently listening. 

Jimin then also frowns, "look I don't know what to tell you, it's been years since you gave me that thing. The truth is, I lost it." Jimin looks up at Yoongi but Yoongi scoffs. 

"So, you threw it away or lost it? Come on Jimin, just give it to me, I know you have it". Yoongi looked right through Jimin's eyes, you looked over at both of them, you could tell there was tension in the air. 

Jimin was silent and Yoongi sighed grabbing the drink that you obviously weren’t going to finish and pouring it into the sink before placing the glass in the dishwasher under the bar. 

Yoongi spoke quietly but you could tell that his words held a lot of weight, "Promise me". 

Jimin looked up, "I don't get why you are so obsessed with this key, I don't even have it!" 

"Promise me that you don't have it" Yoongi looked at him, his facial expression was the look of hurt more than anything. You could tell that there was more to this than what Yoongi was letting on. You sat there next to them, waiting for Jimin to spill the beans about giving the key to you.

Jimin was hesitant for a second before strongly responding, "I promise I don't have it." Yoongi stood there silent before nodding, mumbling a soft "sorry" under his lips before going back to cleaning the bar, even though he already finished. 

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"I can't believe you lied for me," You spoke as you walked around the dolphin tank outside, Jimin walking beside you.

"I didn't lie. I don't have it. You do." Jimin smiled at you brightly, although you could tell that something was bothering him. You both kept walking before Jimin looked at his watch, "I'm sorry I got to go, feel free to stay here as long as you want, Namjoon doesn't mind us staying after hours. Although you do realise our shift ended an hour ago, right?" Jimin smiled brightly as he looked down at you, his eyes shining in the moonlight. 

You chuckled, "Yes I knew, I just like your company. Thanks for being there for me. I haven't known you long, but you made me feel comfortable on my first day" You smiled, it seemed like you and Jimin were going to become really good friends. 

"I'll always be here Y/N... Anyways I'll see you at work tomorrow yeah? Have a nice night" Jimin waved goodbye and walked away. 

You sighed, reaching for the key from your pocket. 

"Might as well check it out while I still can?" You thought. 

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It was late, really late and you found yourself questioning Jimin's earlier statement about being allowed here after hours. You wandered through the halls of the aquarium, following the directions Jimin and Taehyung showed you last time, careful not to make any loud noises to gain any attention. 

The halls were cold, and you could hear were the sounds of your heels tapping against the hard floor. While walking, you felt your chest become heavy, looking around you started to hear weird sounds coming from the walls. You shrugged it off however, you've been in aquariums long enough to know that it could be anything and that it's never completely quiet. 

Finally reaching your destination you head down the metal steps. You've never been to this part of the building apart from when Jimin and Taehyung took you, you suppose it's for private personnel only. Continuing down the steps you reach the door to the moonpool, the sounds of water can be heard dripping and sloshing from behind. Inserting the keys and turning the metal handle you slowly walked inside. It was darker than the last time you saw it. What was surprising was the glow worms on the roof of the moonpool illuminating the moonpool and stone walls that surrounded it. You didn't see them during the day. They were beautiful.

Walking along the gravel towards the moonpool, you took off shoes your socks and placed your backpack next to the moonpool. You sat on the edge, dipping your legs in as you rolled up your pants, so they don't get wet. You closed your eyes, feeling the water reach up to your kneecaps. The water was lukewarm, and the smell of sea salt radiating off of it. 

What a long day. 

If you were being honest, all of this was too much for you. You never thought you would say this, but you miss home. You miss Marina's cooking and weirdly enough, you miss your mother. She hasn't called, even texted since you left. You felt like you thought this would be different, the people here are nice but every so often you get reminded about the flaws of this world, the treatment of animals, – the dolphin – the uneasiness you felt about Julie and her intentions. Even Jimin and Yoongi, you didn’t want to cause a fight between them because of some stupid key.

The water had suddenly started to turn cold, starting from your feet you feel a rush of icy water spread to your knees, eliminating any prior warmth you felt. The dripping stopped, the sloshing of the water halted. You opened your eyes curiously to see a figure from the other side of the moonpool staring right at you. You looked right in its eyes. Time stopped, and you could barely see anything else but the wide golden piercing gaze of the creature. You sat there frozen in place. You don't know how long you stayed like this for, but it took a while to realise what was happening. It didn't say a word, but you could tell by its knowing facial expression that it somehow knows who you are. Looking down in the now murky water you could see an outline of a human’s body, his muscles and broad shoulders prominent underneath the dark blue scales that stretched over its torso. You continued to examine the long outline of a tale - a big tale at that - with the front looking slimy however you could guess that the back of the tale was sharp enough to cut through any piece of flesh that it would encounter. One aspect of the creature that seemed almost beautiful were some parts of his scales that were brighter than others, acting as a highlighter around his cheekbones and arms. 

You didn't want to make any sudden movements, frightened that the creature would drag you under. Eat you. Kill you. You decided that it was now or never and spoke quietly under your breath, looking back up at its eyes that never left yours. "Hi, my name is Y/N". Your breath was shaky, and your lips were dry. 

"It probably can't even understand you," You thought to yourself. 

The creature stopped staring into your eyes and lowered its focus to your legs that were swaying in the water. You shivered, the cold air getting to you. Goosebumps appeared on your legs and arms and you could have sworn you sore the remnant of a smirk that appeared on its lips. 

You suddenly had an idea. 

Carefully, you looked up at the creature, "I'm just going to grab something out from my backpack, okay?" Slowly you stretched your arm out towards your backpack while maintaining eye contact with the creature. The creature stayed still, however you knocked something metal in your bag and it made a loud noise that echoed throughout the moonpool. The creature’s facial expression turned darker and it went full force towards you, grabbing your calves as it didn't let you go. It was close to your face, its golden eyes peering into yours as you could feel its grip and claws on your legs tighten, its body between your thighs leaning in on you. You breathed in slowly, feeling almost petrified, but somehow you knew the creature didn't mean any harm. It looked over at your hand that was inside your backpack. You waited a few seconds before slowly, lifting your hand out of the bag, to reveal a container of prawns that was meant to be your lunch today. 

The creature's grip loosened from your calves as it watched you open the container, taking a prawn before slowly reaching over to the creature's lips. One of its hands let go of your calf as it held your hand, guiding it towards its lips before it opened its mouth biting the prawns head off. You looked at the creature, a little startled. Its teeth were sharper than a normal human, like razors. In fact, you looked closely at the details of the creature's face, noticing the similarities to that of a human. Everything was the same except for the scales on the sides of his face, neck and on his cheekbones. The outline of his eyes was darker though, making his golden eyes brighter than usual. It had brown locks of hair, wet but you could see it was starting to dry. He resembled a male in his 20s.

He finished the prawn quickly and looked back at the container, wanting more. You spoke softly, "have more if you would like". 

He looked down at your hand and then back up at you as if it was asking you to feed him again. His grip on one of your calves was softer and you could feel his thumb running circles over your calf. You grabbed another prawn, reaching over to his lips as he was careful not to cut your fingers with his teeth as he ate the prawn. 

You sat there, feeding him the rest as he grew more comfortable around you. His hand reached out of the water towards the gravel next to your thigh as he spelled out the words "Jungkook" on the gravel. 

"Jungkook?" You questioned, "is that your name?". Jungkook looked up at you before placing his hand on your thigh. 

"Yes", he answered. Your eyes widen in shock, you didn't think he could understand you. You frowned and asked him curiously, "could you understand me this whole time?". 

He smirked slightly, "I'm not the best at this human language but yes, yes I could" He looked up at you, his eyes shining. You frowned, feeling a little messed around with since he could have at least answered you the many times you spoke to him. But then again you understood, he doesn't know you, and you don't know him. 

His grip on your calf and thigh tightened as he started to pull you in the water. You freaked, holding on to the edge of the moonpool. "Wait, wait, wait! I can't get these clothes wet and I uhh, have to get going soon..." Jungkook frowned but stopped pulling. He let go of you. 

"Promise me you'll come back?" He looked at you with a sad expression, lowering himself in the water. 

You looked down at him as you took your legs out of the water and grabbed your bag with your shoes and socks.

"I promise"

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AN: I know I haven’t updated, but I do really wanna update more. I feel like this chapter was a good one, give me some feedback? :)

tags:  @mjlock​

[emeraldiis]

Cross Country Love Affair // Illinois

A/N: good fucking god does life get in the way of my writing. please accept part as an apology, im so sorry

CCLA Masterlist

AO3 Link

Tag List (send an ask to be added!):  @mantarini-i, @luxoree, @boofy1998 @yallimobsessed

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary:  Bucky makes your blood boil like no other man can. In a twisted turn of events, the two of you are stuck on a road trip from hell. This fic follows Bucky and the reader from Florida all the way to Washington state. Nothing like being trapped in a car for fifty hours to break the ice. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or something like that.

Warnings:  canon typical violence, enemies to lovers, eventual smut, alcohol use

You awoke to a plastic bag being waved in your face. A shout of surprise was expelled from your lips as you jolted up, ready to fight. Bucky snickered and snatched the bag away from you, leaving you sitting up in bed, fists raised with a bewildered expression. “Rise and shine, lemon,” Bucky said in a sing-song voice.

Your lips curled into a sneer. Half-awake and pissed off, you ran a hand through your tangled hair in an attempt to calm yourself down. “Why did you call me ‘lemon?’”

Bucky grinned. “Because you’re too sour to be a peach.”

The look you gave him in response was downright lethal. “I’m sure you’re real proud of yourself for that one,” you muttered, rolling out of your nest of blankets. Your bare feet made contact with the carpet and you suppressed a shiver. It had gotten chilly while you slept. A loud groan caught your attention, and you side eyed Bucky. He was stretching as obnoxiously as possible, making noises like the hundred year old man that he was. And his shirt rising up to give you a peek of his stomach just had to be intentional. You narrowed your eyes and yanked them away from his magnetic pull.

“Stop objectifying me and get packed,” Bucky called over his shoulder as he meandered towards the bathroom. From what you could tell, he’d been up for a while. Great, now he’d be waiting on you, which meant if you didn’t hurry, you’d earn more sass.

You rolled your eyes and began to gather what few things you had. “You’re just full of jokes today,” you said, raising your voice to be heard through the bathroom door that Bucky had just shut. You heard a faint peal of laughter, sending your eyes even further into your skull as you rolled them again. In all honesty, his playfulness was welcome after the sour mood of last night. You were grateful that things were back into the rhythm of your usual banter.

As you quickly changed back into your (now clean) day clothes, you let your mind wander back to Bucky’s little performance. You had gotten a nice peek at the dark hair leading down into his pants, and it made your mouth water. If only you could run your hands down that cute little treasure trail and make him groan for an entirely different reason.

It was time to accept that yes, you were very much attracted to Bucky. Just because you didn’t like him didn’t mean that he wasn’t devastatingly sexy, and as long as you kept your pining to yourself, you could daydream all you wanted.

Thankfully, you managed to be packed and ready by the time Bucky emerged from the bathroom. Just one less thing for him to give you shit for. “Let’s go, slowpoke,” you teased as he took his sweet time in lacing up his boots. He looked up and glared at you through soft brown curls of hair, and you found yourself turning around to avoid those piercing eyes. You couldn’t look him in the face, not after giving yourself permission to thirst after him all you wanted. “Um, I’m going to get the car started,” you mumbled, suddenly feeling shy. Feeling this bashful around a man was new territory for you, and it was freaking you the hell out. It was better to escape to the car to collect your thoughts before you put your foot in your mouth.

The stale air of the motel gave way to a refreshing chill as you stepped out the door. Distant sounds of cars passing by intermingled with the chirp of birds coming from the surrounding forest, and you took a much-needed breath. You let your gaze drift over the skyline, pausing to marvel at the mountains. Even with your limited knowledge of geography, you could recognize them as the outskirts of the blue ridge. Too bad you’d be waving them goodbye in just a few short hours. You tore your eyes from your surroundings and swung your bag over your shoulder to cross the parking lot.

Thankfully, Bucky hadn’t parked too far away, and you reached the car almost immediately. Not wanting to waste anymore time, you opened the door, tossed your bag into the backseat, and settled into the driver’s seat. Your head fell back against the drab leather and you sighed. You were fucking sick of looking at the world through a windshield. With nearly thirty five hours of driving to go, a sick feeling was sinking into your stomach. As much of a relief as the motel was, you still wanted to kick and scream and tear your hair out in frustration. Thirty five hours of leg cramps and sore asscheeks. Thirty five hours of long highways. Thirty five hours of bickering. Thirty five hours of being stuck next to a gorgeous supersoldier who made you want to claw your own eyes out in anger.

The motel door opening caught your attention, and your eyes followed Bucky’s hulking form as he stalked towards the office to return the key. Did he always have to walk like he was out for blood? You shook your head and cranked the van up. It rumbled to life under you. Before Bucky could return and snatch it from you, you plugged the AUX cord into your phone and set it to a random playlist. Your fingers tapped on the steering wheel to the music as you waited.

You didn’t have to wait long. Bucky’s long legs--with those sweet ass thighs--ensured that he could cross the lot in like three steps. He nearly yanked the door off its hinges as he climbed in. “Pull the door a little harder, why don’t you?” You asked. He shrugged and reached for the AUX. “Absolutely not,” you cried, holding it out of his reach and taking care not to yank it out of your phone.

Bucky groaned. “We are not listening to whatever girl music you have on right now.”

You sneered at him as you backed out of your parking space. “Taylor Swift is not ‘girl’ music, thank you very much. She’s for people with taste.”

That one earned you another groan, but thankfully Bucky gave up on attempting to steal the cord. “You get two hours, and then it’s my turn.”

As if. You didn't say that out loud, wanting to halt the bickering so you could pay attention as you found your way back to the highway. The opening notes to one of your favorite Taylor songs rang out through the radio, and you cranked up the volume despite Bucky’s protests. Actually, it was a pretty fitting song for your current situation. You belted out the lyrics without shame as you merged back onto the interstate.

“You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk.

You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong.”

Honestly, your voice wasn’t half bad. You’d done a little bit of choir while you were still in school, and discovered that singing was an excellent way to pass the time when you were bored. Bucky would just have to suck it up.

“You’re so gorgeous. I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face.

And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way.”

The Illinois state sign whizzed by, but you weren’t even paying attention. The only things running through your mind were the music, and how much you hated Bucky’s stupid gorgeous face. A quick glance to the right showed that Bucky was staring at you with a quizzical expression. He was most likely judging your singing, so you made a point to sing even louder.

“Ocean blue eyes lookin’ in mine.

I feel like I might sink and drown and die.”

The song carried on for another minute or so, and when the final lyrics faded out, you were left panting with a grin on your face. “I’ll be here all week, folks,” you breathed out, bowing to a make believe audience.

“Don’t crash,” Bucky said, his voice surprisingly quiet. You squinted at him.

“I’m not going to crash.”

A smirk slowly crept across his face. “You were pretty into that song, huh?”

Your brow furrowed in confusion, but you kept your eyes on the road. “Is it a crime to enjoy music now?”

“Not at all,” Bucky said, shaking his head. That fucking smirk was still there. Even though you weren’t looking, you could feel it. “I just wish you would’ve told me earlier.”

Uh oh. Your heart skipped four beats, and your hands tightened on the wheel. “Told you what?”

“That you think I’m gorgeous.”

“BUCKY!”