#and im very smart and capable which means i seem like i should be better at these things

[againstpollutions]

I <3 being bad at my job and always late for everything

[mbti-notes]

Im ISTP dude and I like this INFJ girl. Shes my friend but I like her more than that. I told her already and asked her out. She didn't reject me but thing is her answer is vague as hell. First she asked why I like her and I told her honestly that shes pretty and smart but she didnt react more than a nod. Then when I ask if she wanna be my girlfriend she said 'okay but can it be a trial period first'. I assumed its a yes so we started going out but its very weird. (1)

[con’t: It gets even more difficult to understand her and shes start asking me questions about my perspective on love and start warning me about her loving differently than other people and I might not like it and stuff like that. She also seems to be assessing me somehow? I dont know. Like shes trying to judge something about me. I dont think shes playing me or anything cause we always do things fair. She insists we split the bills on everything when we go out and she never demand anything so thats cool. We also spend time together like before. Its just very weird cause she seems more guarded around me and more jumpy and colder than usual even though shes still nice to me and all. Is this normal for INFJs? Maybe she doesnt actually like me? But then why did she agree? I mean we have same interests and we seem to have fun together so I dont understand whats wrong. Should I continue this or just go back to being friends? I like her a lot but I dont wanna waste time on relationship that goes nowhere.]

Note that you can’t improve the quality of a relationship until both people are equally committed to the task. Relationships flourish through skillful communication:

1) Self-Awareness: Be fully aware of your needs, wants, and criteria for relationships. Take full responsibility for your end, so that you do everything in your power to promote relationship success, and then the rest is up to her. It’s important that you are able to communicate clearly and honestly about what’s happening with you, including what you think is going wrong for you and why. If you can’t even make your needs and problems known to your partner, then you’ll never really know each other well enough to get any needs met.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re putting the whole situation onto her shoulders, as though you have no say in the matter. Whether you stay or leave is your decision to make, based on your evaluation of the relationship and whether it’s what you really want. If a relationship makes you unhappy/dissatisfied, why stay? You’re the one feeling the problem, which means that it’s up to you to instigate a process of resolution. 

People usually stick it out through the down times in a relationship because they have a hopeful vision of what the relationship could become. You have a hopeful vision because you’re talking about how the current situation isn’t meeting your expectations. But what are your expectations? You say that you have fun together, why isn’t that enough? What’s missing for you exactly? Without enough awareness of yourself and being able to verbalize the problem that you’re experiencing, it’s hard to find a solution.

2) Intimacy: A relationship grows deeper over time through honest, attentive, and respectful communication. Talk about what you like, dislike, desire, hope for, etc, with each other, often. Gradually, you both become a better partner as you learn how to adjust your behavior to better suit the other’s needs. The process of becoming more intimately acquainted requires time and energy to learn new things and apply the ideas successfully. You have to be patient and put in the effort to have difficult conversations whenever necessary to grow your knowledge and understanding of each other.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re making assumptions rather than communicating. You’re merely guessing that she’s trying to do this or that, and you end up whipping yourself into paranoia. “Assuming”, aka trying to be a mindreader, is very destructive to relationships because it causes misunderstanding. Relationships require trust, so take people at their word, and when you can’t, talk about why you can’t and solve the problem through communication. Don’t stew in negative feelings and allow them to turn into ugly conspiracy theories.

By saying that she wants a trial period, she’s basically telling you that she’s interested but not ready for a full commitment. If you’re not happy with her position, then you have a choice to make: Either respect that her pace is slower than yours and be patient, or decide that you want something faster/different and leave for greener pastures. She’s already been honest and upfront with you, the ball is now in your court about whether you accept the terms she’s proposed. If you accept, then FULLY accept.

By asking plenty of questions about your perspective, she is making an effort to get to know you better, specifically, to understand why you want to be in the relationship and whether you two are ultimately compatible. You hardly know each other at the start of a relationship, so she is indeed trying to size you up, such that she can make a well-informed decision once the trial period ends. If you don’t like people getting to know you in depth, then you’re never going to get far in any relationship. She obviously is the kind of person that needs to prepare and study situations carefully before diving in. If you don’t like that, then you are free to choose someone who doesn’t require as much preparation and observation time (this is a common J vs P difference).

3) Collaboration: Whenever either party feels unhappy or dissatisfied with something in the relationship, it is their responsibility to bring it up with the partner. When your partner brings a problem to you, it is your responsibility to listen carefully to what it is they need from you. Only then can you resolve problems maturely, together. If it is determined that your partner is capable of better meeting your needs, then make a reasonable request of them to do so. Talk openly about what should be changed in the relationship to make it more fulfilling for both parties, and implement a plan to make those changes. Keep tabs on progress made over time.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re not being upfront about your negative experience of the relationship and what more you need from it. This means that you’re not giving her the opportunity to collaborate with you. If you don’t talk about how you feel, she’ll never know, and the change that you want won’t happen.

By talking about the way that she “loves differently”, she’s communicating something about her needs and expectations. She’s giving you an opportunity to know her better, such that you can collaborate with her to fulfill her needs. If she’s inexperienced, she may not yet know every little thing that she’s looking for in a relationship. But the most important thing is that she’s trying to communicate about it, which means it’s up to you to listen and respond appropriately. If you have no interest in getting to know her and what kind of partner she’s looking for, then there’s no reciprocity in the relationship. Are you only in it for yourself?

By asking you why you like her, she may be signalling some self-esteem issues (”I don’t know if I can do this”) and/or self-worth issues (”Maybe I don’t deserve this attention/love”). Healthy Fs are sensitive people, which means that they feel things very deeply. The deeper they feel, the more deeply they will be hurt, if things don’t work out. Therefore, it is likely that she is hesitant to dive in because she’s trying to stay in control and protect herself from getting hurt (this is typical of FJs). Forcing someone to leave their comfort zone before they are ready to is a recipe for drama and conflict. The most you can do is encourage her to open up, by providing an emotionally supportive, cooperative, and non-judgmental atmosphere to express how she really feels. Without a positive social atmosphere, FJs won’t open up. She’s moving at a pace that’s comfortable for her, which includes pulling back whenever she feels uncomfortable. Be sure to clarify whether it’s her own issue or whether you’re doing something to make her uncomfortable - don’t just assume. If you don’t like her “guarded” approach, then you are free to choose someone who is more open and carefree (you are navigating a common J vs P difference).

If you like someone a lot, it means that you’re willing to put in effort for them? You have every right to decide how much effort you’re willing to put in. The relationship is still in its early stages and you won’t lose much by ending it now. However, don’t forget that there’s a lot you can do to be better at relationships, mainly by addressing any behavior that hurts rather than helps relationships to progress.

[lesbiancarat]

Haha its fine! Im book anon for a reason so take all the time you need! Before I start, I wanna apologize for the possible asks you got about the merch and hybe in general. I didn't intend to cause stress and need to be careful bdjahdsj so slap me with a fish!

Onto the ask! But agreed, I mean before the big kpop boom we saw, this was very common. Build a decent fanbase and then move to Japan or China. (Of course sometimes you see INSTANT movement in other countries but that depends on the company and such but you know what I mean) but since we do have the more global kpop era, we may see more companies do America which isn't a bad thing. It makes sense buisness wise so they will jump on it after debut or something. Thus I don't see it a bad thing for kpop groups to promote in America because hey, if in Korea they do sell western artist music who also tour there, kpop groups can also do the same ya know?

Now onto the hybe comment, I will try not to speak too much on it so I will try to summarize. I think my theory is due with merch from their main artist, they think maybe it could work with svt which maybe could but svt has a different fanbase so throwing on random merch won't make fans really want to buy (not saying some won't which kudos to you! As a fan you are allowed to consume what you please except not be a bad apple about it) so thus like the infamous water bottles which was done for bts, they thought why not do it for svt because bts fans sold it out apparently for a 2nd wave of it being sold again. (Which to this day idk why someone in the hybe team thought this was smart. Like...this is just in bad taste imo) I do wanna agree that it appears that hybe doesn't seem to have a proper art team for svt because while sometimes wild, I do know for their main artist they do have thoughtful merch based around say an album concept I recall. Kf course they will make mistakes i.e. the water bottles. I do wish it can improve because even though it is capitalism, I think fans do want decent merch. We have seen interesting ideas like svt making their own magazine and selling it lol. Of course it is hard to please because some fans want subtle merch ideas while others don't mind the vibrant pastel colors we got or some want wild ideas like svt figurines or something. Overall I hope I didn't drag this too much as I just wanted to respond back to you, I agree with many points you said so yeah cx I say let's also wait as this is barely what, a year or even less of svt being under hybe properly. Especially when hybe had its rebranding and expanding so things are being changed, I know fans are worried about this which is valid but let's not panic just yet. Let's come back in a year to this and see what has improved and what hasn't. (OK but peldis sold the boys rings!? :o since when!? I haven't heard of this actually, when did this happen if I may ask?)

Oof yeah sadly with streaming, many view "oh you don't stream it means you aren't a fan" when isn't the case (which is why I personally don't like when certain companies also do "listening parties" which seems a bit ???) I do remember this popped up big in 2017 but many fans called it out so it quiet down a bit. Like we didn't see it so often where fans were causing problems over it so idk why this returned nor what the cause of it was.

But thank you!! It really was a nice closing chapter, I think when I have personal stuff settled I will try maybe get a new bunny? And oohh congrats on the album! (Note to hybe or pledis. Please make the us store a more common thing, it makes things so much easier! Am happy it was at your place quick so kudos to the us store. Oohh wonderful choices! I think for many fans anyone or heaven's cloud seems to be the popular picks? For me, I may have to say game boi or heaven's cloud as well! Those songs make me just so happy? Like game boy is just so creative with the way it was made. As a video game nerd, it is perfection. I could make an essay about this song lol and heaven's cloud is just...wow. I feel so at ease with the song, comfortable and soothed. Like you are on a cloud lol. Also that is totally fine! Rtl was a grower for me (I blame the mv, it didn't do the song jusitice) but it is a bop and can't stop humming the chorus at random moments. Overall a great summer album. Just imagine any of these songs performed live ndjansns

lol don't feel too bad about it! honestly they weren't that bad + i can always delete asks if i really don't want to answer them, i just always get a bit paranoid that things will get out of hand so i may end up getting more serious in those situations OTL

and yeah i agree! i don't think it's a bad thing for groups to promote in the US, as you said, it's similar to groups expanding their fanbase by promoting in china or Japan or other asian counties, it makes sense from a business standpoint and there's nothing wrong with promoting in different countries. i just wish that some kpop stans understood that western and/or global popularity is a bonus and not a requirement for success. while they do have a global appeal, at the end of the day kpop's main audience is korea, and groups that achieve popularity in Korea have already achieved what they set out to do. but there's unfortunately a decent chunk of international fans that prioritize western popularity over anything and can't fathom that a group can be successful without being popular in the US. or they just talk as if their groups western achievements are more valuable than their Korean ones and to me that starts to look like xenophobia... (sorry if I'm repeating anything i said before in regards to this, i feel like i am but I'm too lazy to go back and check OTL)

since you sent this ask hybe released the caratland merch which was actually really nice, and today they also announced that there will be birthday merch for cheol (and presumably all members from here on out). we don't know what the bday merch is yet but some carats are already a bit miffed that hybe is even thinking to capitalize off the boys' birthdays... i bring both of these up bc i feel like the caratland merch proves your point that hybe is capable of designing good and thoughtful merch, and honestly this does reassure me a bit. but on the other hand them trying to capitalize off the boys' birthdays also proves that they still don't fully understand carats wants and priorities as a fanbase. which, if the future of seventeens merch is gonna be quality merch with some shitty cash grabs in between, i can live with that. I'm not gonna like the shitty cash grabs and i think it would be in our best interest as a fandom to not go crazy buying those shitty cash grabs, because if we don't then hybe will hopefully stop wasting their time and put more effort into /quality/. but if we get quality merch for important events like concerts and fanmeetings, i can live with it. as you said too, it can take time for these things to change, and we should all recognize that. but at the same time merch specifically is market driven, so i don't think it's a bad thing if people like @ hybe on twt about any bad merch that comes out in order to drive that change dhfkfj

but also on a maybe more fun note in regards to the merch... with some carats being upset about the bday merch i was thinking about what hybe could do for merch instead that would fill the niche of being at intervals throughout the year that could still be limited time drops but that carats wouldn't be mad at them capitalizing on and then i was like duh! they could literally just make merch off of going seventeen! honestly I'm surprised they haven't yet. maybe not merch for every episode, but they could have a line of permanent gose merch w a basic logo or something and then release limited time merch themed around some of the more popular episodes at various points during the year. I'm actually kind of obsessed with this idea now and for once I'm like hybe/pledis please capitalize off of this!! dhfkgjg

they never actually sold them, but for seventeens 3rd anniversary, pledis planned to sell replicas of seventeens rings. after it was announced carats were understandably upset since the boys worked so hard for those. luckily pledis heard carats concerns and put out an apology and didn't manufacture them in the end. I'm glad that at least they listened to carats even though it would have been better if they had never considered the idea in the first place :(

oh yeah listening parties are definitely just another marketing technique to boost streams. i think like with a lot of marketing techniques, it just depends on the execution. imo if they're done well it can be a good way for fans to connect while listening to an artists music, which is mutually beneficial for the company, but i can totally see a situation where companies get greedy and push it too hard. i don't know anything about what happened with them back in the day, but if you're curious why SVT had listening parties leading up to your choice, they were set up by UMG, the American distributor that SVT worked with for this cb. in this case the listening parties weren't just for boosting streams, but also likely for UMG to gauge interest. SVT isn't officially signed to a US label yet, but UMG's data from the listening parties could be used to show US labels whether or not there's enough interest for them to be signed. which if that happens we'd almost definitely see a more permanent US shop!

ahh yes, once you're ready I'm sure it would be great to have another bunny companion 🥺

yes! heavens cloud and gam3 bo1 are both such feel good songs! my sister actually added heavens cloud to their Spotify after i made them listen to the album in the car dhfkf it's now one of 6 kpop songs they have saved (4 of which are SVT... my influence 💅 DHFJFH) I'm certain we'll see some of the songs from your choice at caratland this year, hopefully it's all of them but I'd especially like to see heavens cloud and wave 👀 I'm also still crossing my fingers for an i wish live performance bc i can't believe my favorite SVT b-side is one of the TWO tracks they haven't performed live not including the new album (the other one being network love, which i would also like to see live!)

[skruttet]

below is some nonsense about snorkmaiden and then a little about her brother at the end idk it doesn’t make much sense probably im sorry i had a clearer idea of what i wanted to say when i started out but then i just forgot it all i think xD

I've always admired Snorkmaiden for her cleverness; she's incredibly brilliant, though she's also incredibly compassionate, so often she'll follow her heart over her head which can end up with her acting or doing something "stupid" (and in all honesty she does possess a level of dumbassery, just as all Moomin characters do! She does tend to be smarter than most, though). 

Similarly, she often allows others to take the credit for her own achievements because she knows it will make them feel better - and these "others" are pretty much always male, specifically Moomintroll and the Snork.

She lets the latter take the majority of the credit for catching the Mameluke in Finn Family Moomintroll, when really they never would have caught it if it weren't for her cunning and inventiveness (a trait often prescribed only to her brother yet I wholeheartedly believe she is equally as inventive, just usually on a more immediate-solutions-to-everyday-problems level), and she hands over the credit for her solutions & discoveries to Moomintroll multiple times in the comic strips, and even in Moominvalley, like when she suggests they should make their own bonfire but almost patronisingly calls him “my clever Moomintroll” when he remarks how the bonfire has helped them.

She does all this to indulge their egos and avoid wounding their pride... which to a modern feminist like myself I dislike and it makes me upset that she won’t take rightful pride in her own accomplishments and in doing so help them realise how capable she - and by extension, women - can be.

But on the other hand, she does do this out of her compassion and love for them. She’s avoiding any conflict or argument, and acting very similarly to how Moominmamma often does; offhandedly agreeing with the prideful male whilst clearly secretly knowing the truth of the matter.

Then on the... other other hand, we know that Snorkmaiden wants to make extraordinary achievements and be recognised for them; she wants to do “something tremendous, all on my own,” and is subsequently very proud when she presents the Wooden Queen to Moomintroll, even recalling it when she gazes at the King’s Ruby. So maybe she just doesn’t believe that her achievements are big or important enough?

On top of all this, Snorkmaiden appears to be a character who is very much affected by society’s views and expectations of women (particularly in the comics which play around with gender roles a lot; usually to make fun of them and point out how silly they are, though oftentimes in Lars’ case I do feel he can just play into & perpetuate them) and she does seem to value being perceived as a stereotypical young woman (weak; attractive; airheaded; etc.) over allowing people to see her brains and bravery. Whether or not this is a good thing, I can’t really say. Part of her appeal as a female character is that she is girly and attractive and graceful - as well as being smart and capable and brave, so maybe I’d just prefer her to value all aspects of herself equally?? (and of course there are many times where she uses her stereotypical qualities in clever ways in order to get what she wants).

ANYWAY I’ve lost where I was going with this now ummm I guess for Moominvalley season 3 I just want Snorkmaiden to start becoming more sure of herself. I mean, it’s tricky cause she’s already SO confident, but having that extra sense of self-worth to not let the boys outshine her achievements would be great. And it’ll be super interesting seeing what they’ll do with Snork; I wrote a post ages ago talking about how he kind of enhances your empathy for Snorkmaiden because he can be so sexist and belittles her but we’ll see if Moominvalley even includes that in his personality. It would make for a great arc for him if they do to some extent; like his sister, he too is very much affected by society’s misogynistic views of women (as well as the stereotypes of men needing to be logical and unemotional) and so he spouts some nonsense that I honestly don’t think he genuinely believes but he was just brought up hearing people say, and he also clearly doesn’t feel comfortable expressing his love for his sister so instead lashes out at her or acts annoyed when really he’s just flustered and is actually very proud of her and loves her very much. So it’d be nice to see him overcome this barrier he’s built and learn to express his emotions more clearly and gently, especially in regards to his sister.

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

I was wondering if you could post all the results? If not thats cool I just like reading all the other results too esp if they seem written well

sure! pasting them under a cut bc i feel like im clogging peoples dashes today

gerard-coded gerard-girl

ok gerard kinnie. hows that martyr complex working out for you? im sure youre a lot of fun but have you considered listening instead of talking at least every ONCE in a while? sexy tho.

gerard-coded mikey-girl

this is an interesting one. arguably you share this with gerard himself. you can take a little weight off your shoulders and allow yourself to just like ... chill, you know? and i mean chill - not hide away from the world or spend time with people while staring into the distance and never interacting. youre super funny and interesting, and once you start talking about something you care about, youre impossible to shut up - but everybody is so endeared by your passion that nobody wants you to be quiet anyhow.

gerard-coded ray-girl

JESUS CHRIST youre a hard worker. a little bit off your rocker, which you know and are a little bit unnerved by - but you have drive. not only do you have drive, you have the tools to make it happen. i promise. everything you find yourself coveting in other people is inside you. you just gotta let it shine through.

gerard-coded frank-girl

(lol you got frera[GUNSHOT]) anyhow. youre a FORCE of nature. you have a vision and youre gonna make it happen - whether its through careful planning or just through luck and dedication. youre funny, charming as hell whether you know it or not, and an absolute sweetheart. maybe stop worrying about divine timing and the microscopic details of life and go live instead. its okay. you can.

mikey-coded mikey-girl

lmao okay mikey kinnie. im begging you to express an opinion that is solely your own ONCE. you seem like you would be fun to hang out with at a party, even if its just so i can talk your ear off while we smoke outside. maybe eat a vegetable.

mikey-coded gerard-girl

rguably this is the result mikey would get. you like to lay low, just outside of the spotlight. but the spotlight belongs to you too. seriously, it does. you dont have to wait for somebody to give you the opportunity you want - whether its because youre scared to take it for yourself, or know it would be easier. go and get it. its waiting. people love you because you are whip smart and kind as fuck, but you dont take an prisoners.

mikey-coded ray-girl

stop people watching and pay attention to me, first of all. you dont need to have a carefully formulated plan of action to move through this world - you can just move through it. its waiting for you to move through it. whatever it is youre biding your time about - stop it and start moving. i dont care if its not perfect yet, and i dont care that you want it to be perfect. nothing is perfect. just dive in, its good for you. youre too clever for your own good, and love people fiercely.

mikey-coded frank-girl

we should be friends. youre like the puppy dog frat-dude whos the only person in sigma-gamma-apple-pi who is actually nice and good to spend time with. you got a lot going on under the surface that you dont always choose to share with other people - especially not people who you dont consider close friends or family. but that well of emotion and thought has to go somewhere. youre earnest, clever, and protective of your inner circle, and you love with your whole heart.

ray-coded ray-girl

lmao ray kinnie. unclench. please. just take a deep breath and stop trying to control the very fabric of reality. and give yourself a fucking BREAK. you are, however, a sweetheart and definitely have a super pleasant and grounding energy.

ray-coded gerard-girl

tell me youre scared to express yourself without telling me youre scared to express yourself. you think youre not good enough to do what it is you want to do so youre waiting for somebody else to do it for you, or for it to fall in your lap. stop it. you are capable of doing any and everything that you want. everybody is rooting for you, because you are a delight to be around. naturally, i mean. whatever face you feel like you gotta put on for people is unnecessary. who you are at your core is lovely and loveable in its purest form. stop hiding.

ray-coded mikey-girl

youre kind of an enigma. you know that though, its on purpose. but the mask isnt necessary. go be your fucking self and take what you want. its all within your grasp. your cool exterior is trying to hide a big, big heart - and honestly, its not doing a great job. everybody can see how much passion you have, how much you want the things you want, and thats not a bad thing. go kick ass.

ray-coded frank-girl

you wanna hang out? youre the last resort parent-friend. like sure, you'll step up to the plate and make sure everybody is doing good and taking care of themselves when the actual parent-friend needs a break, but most of the time you wanna go buck wild with everybody else. and you should let yourself. youre enamoured with people who live with their heart on their sleeve, and dont try to make sure everything is perfect and beyond critique. unclench and let yourself live a little. you deserve it.

frank-coded frank-girl

lmao frank kinnie. bro take it from one frank-coded frank-girl to another ... its not that deep, and WE'RE not that deep. you arent like. inherently evil or somebody who breaks everything they touch or whatever. feel your emotions like a normal person and then move on. you are however SUPER fun to be around and always down to clown, and you care a lot, and the people around you know and appreciate that.

frank-coded gerard-girl

(lol you got frera[GUNSHOT]) anyhow. whats it like being the sexiest bitch in the room and always knowing it? you are so smart, so talented, and everybody you come across thinks youre bees motherfucking knees. dont get all bashful on me. its true. but you gotta stop expecting the worst, and trying to plan around it. the world isnt holding a knife to your back, waiting to strike. it wants the best for you. take a deep breath and go get what you want. you are MORE than capable of it.

frank-coded mikey-girl

you try to keep everything moving smoothly, but you know when you have to intervene. you are so so loving, smart, and talented (YES, YOU ARE TALENTED - ACCEPT IT) even if you wish you could keep your emotions a little more underwraps. thats not necessary. you have a big old heart and you gotta accept that. stop wishing for shit and go get it. its there for you.

frank-coded ray-girl

breathe. right now. five seconds in, hold for four, out for seven. okay good. now listen: YOURE GOOD ENOUGH FOR WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT TO DO. you got all these feelings that you try to channel solely into work, and im telling you that sometimes you can just let them be, or better yet, express them with your words to another person and then move on. you want to be the best version of yourself - but you already are. life isnt a game you gotta keep leveling up in. youre smart as fuck, talented as fuck, and a big big softie. own that.

im SO sorry if this doesnt cut correctly this is so long

[planetjisungie]

lucky charms- h.rj

characters; ravenclaw! renjun x hufflepuff! reader ft. gryffindor! mark and gryffindor! jeno (sigh)

summary; with the exams coming up, you need a little help with your charms. well you dont, you just needed an excuse to talk to your long time crush, huang renjun

an; i literally changed this on the spot 🤡 plot holes here i come- (also id like to think jeno is more of a hufflepuff but idk man)

sigh okay this is a long boi

end of year exams were in just a few weeks

yay, your absolute favourite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarcasm

now, charms

in room 99, classroom 2E in the south tower

i did my research

you were pretty good at charms, not nearly as good as you were in the care of magical creatures and herbology though

still above averagely good

you know who else was good at charms?

huang renjun

the star ravenclaw prince boy, the pride of the house and a very beautiful boy

best boi renjun

if jeno was being quite honest he was SICK AND TIRED of hearing you two pine over eachother

jeno met you in first year, and you quickly became best friends and even ended up in the same house as eachother

despite having different friend groups (your friend group consisted of you and eunji), you stayed best friends until now aka 5th year

just go with it okay

so as he was saying before i digressed, jeno physically is pained as he watched the longing glances both you and renjun throw when the other isnt looking

but it isnt his business to meddle with your lack of relationship problems

best boi part 2

BUT! but! he will give you both a tiny! eensy! little! minuscule! nudge

that nudge being forming a plan with you

you were slightly reluctant when jenos very enthusiastic face greeted you at the table saying he had ‘a totally brilliant, spectacular, show stopping, wonderful, flawless plan’

this was jeno we were talking about

the same boy who planned the failed midnight snack run a few weeks before

and as soon as he mentioned renjun your eyes narrowed

"proceed."

the plan was for jeno to ask renjun to tutor his friend who was falling behind in charms

said friend was you

and you were ahead of the class

bUT!! you agreed because he wasnt in your class, so there was no way he could know that right?

wrong.

who was in your class?

mark lee. one of renjuns best friends.

also the boyfriend of eunji and the reason you wanted to gauge your eyeballs out everytime you turned around to talk to them

thats right eunji ditched you to sit next to her little markie. bitch.

nonetheless, you agreed because your dumb, spontaneous ass forgot that renjun even knew mark, because if someone said ‘whos mark?’ you would go ‘eunjis boyfriend’

so of course, when all the students were making their way to their class, jeno caught up with renjun seeing as they both had muggle studdies

"hey man, i have a favour to ask"

stage one of operation: stop the oblivious fuckers from pining over eachother (that name may need some revamping) was a-go

"depends what said favour is"

smart boi™️

"is it possible to tutor one of my friends in charms for the upcoming OWLs?"

oh? this piqued china pretty boys interest

"i mean, sure, i could do with some revision too. tell them to meet me at the library after school"

and so jeno walked away with a smug smirk, victorious

and when jeno told you he had agreed later in potions, you were yet you werent surprised

so of you trotted after last period, kinda nervous because youre about to be in the literal breathing proximity of renjun

like obviously youve talked to him before but this time it was just you and him

alone

no get those thoughts out of your head

n e ways u perv

renjun sat at the back table, textbooks and notebooks with his neat writing in both chinese and korean all over the pages

smart boi part 2

so seeing him not looking at you

attention whore

wow why am i so mean today

you sat down and cleared your throat, placing your blank notebooks on the table so the boy wouldnt get suspicious

you had to pray to whatever gods were listening for your cheeks not to flare up the colour of the strawberries you had for breakfast

healthy girl™️

and the gods apparently answered your prayers

because as soon as renjun looked up and into your eyes you swore you were too distracted for your blood cells to even think about moving towards your face

and renjun nearly had a heart attack (by aoa)

poor boy

jeno had NOT told him that he would be tutoring you

he was going to be choked later

"sorry im late"

renjun was nearly offended that you would even apologise to him for being late by

2 minutes and 48 seconds

"no no its okay i havent been here long"

that was a lie he had study period last and has been sat in the same goddamn chair for an hour already but your presence made his ass cheeks ache less

so he started teaching you, but ???

you seemed to fully grasp the concepts

confused boi

excuse me ma’am/sir/señor/señorita whatever you prefer to go by-

you need to brush up on your acting skills dude

appalling smh your drama teacher back from your muggle school would be completely distraught

so for the next hour renjun ‘tutored’ you

things you already knew but this was a dream-

and actually he was a funny guy

he was also muggle born, so you could both relate over things you experienced as a kid

this lead to a raging debate over dora the explorer

that bitch was shaded in said debate, fully annihilated

hola soy dora your asshole

but,, it was fun. because jeno was pureblood and grew up knowing about all his magicky stuff so he was kinda boring sometimes

no tea no shade

but you ended the session with smiles on both your faces, cheeks literally aching with how hard youd been laughing and smiling

so lads

the next day at breakfast renjun was all happy, plonking himself next to mark at the gryffindor table because

man does not give a SHIT about the looks he was getting. he is huang renjun.

"why are you so smiley this morning? and why didn’t you come to my common room last night"

the gryffindor common room was the dreamie hang out

no one dared tell THE mark lee to go somewhere else with his friends

"sorry, last night i was tutoring y/n in charms" smiley boy still

mark seagull eyebrows: activated

excuse him?? charms?? you?? the one who got an outstanding in your report card??

something smells fishy here

"renjun... y/n got an outstanding on her charms"

eunji who had magically appeared next to mark basically said what he was just thinking

confused boi part ??

"wait what?"

but later on he didnt question you about it

he silently observed you

he told himself that anyway

quite honestly if you were spending time with him he was not about to complain

he was staring at you, simply put

my leng bby (thats you, youre my leng bby)

so for the next 2 weeks every day after school you would meet up to ‘catch up’ on your charms

that being said it literally always, every time, ended up with you two talking about something unrelated

like the 5th day you had a conversation about which series of power rangers was better

"SPD, obviously"

AM I THAT OLD?? on god i hate it here

"no, y/n, we all know that dino force is better"

i agree with y/n on this one pal

on the 7th day you talked about muggle sports that you both enjoyed

"i played a lot of cricket"

"cricket? okay tory"

"i am NOT a tory"

on the last day when you should have been, you know, LEARNING

you were having a lovely old chinwag about the x factor

"simon cowell is a king"

"i agree"

legend behaviour if you ask me

wait does chinwag exist in other countries??? translation: chat

so of course the exams came up

but you were dreading them for a different reason

this meant the end of tutoring with renjun

this was super bittersweet, you wanted to spend more time with eachother

you literally could it wasn’t that deep both of you are so dumb smh aint nothing stopping you

jeno agrees with me too, mans pulling out his hair still as you had somehow not gotten together yet

it was like watching snails race, incredibly frustrating but you know that there is the finish line somwhere over the horizon

so you took your exams and both of you passed with flying colours, obviously

smart kids

and you ran right to renjun to celebrate

seeing as he had

not really helped you but you thought that he thought he helped you

oh no honey he knew that you didnt need help

but he didnt know whether to confront you about it?

rip your guilty conscience

so after a long discussion with mark, our china boy decided to ask why the heck you wanted his help when you were absolutely fully capable

unlike mark

and when you saw him approach you first in the halls your heart went

NYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

that was the sound of a fast motorbike

"hi y/n"

‘damn renjun, couldnt have thought of anything better than that?’

"uhh hi renjun"

awkward silence by stray kids

"i just wanted to know why you asked for my help"

okay where is the nearest shovel and what is the most efficient way to dig a large hole-

as if renjun sensed your panic radiating off you in waves

which he did

"not that it was an issue! i enjoyed spending time with you, it was just, you didnt really need help"

he was a pure boy

so you puffed your cheeks and decided to just come clean

somewhere, jeno felt his senses tingling

"genuinely i just wanted to spend some time with you because i really like you"

renjun froze and wanted to smack his head into a wall

bruh

you noticed his expression and panicked yet again

stop panicking man its okay i gotchu

"it was jenos idea"

blame jeno is always a fool-proof plan b

unless you get pregnant, that would not be a good idea

so i guess its not fool proof

BUT I DIGRESS

renjun face palms and groans

"youre kidding me! all this time we wasted doing boringass charms work when we couldve gone on dates"

confusion™️

but?? you felt hopeful??

"i dont think im on the same wavelength"

"i like you too dumbass"

oH so YOURE the dumbass??

yes, yes you are renjun is best boi, accept the L which is really a W bc renjun likes you back

jeno who had found his way to you, listening from around the corner sighed in happiness

"fucking finally!!"

[tx-thoughts]

before i start this i am SCREAMING at taehyun's juno oh my god

An estimation and evaluation of Kang Taehyuns chart

-aqua sun, scorp moon. he's truly an ambitious person and he's always keeping it 100% real, maybe even to the point of being incredibly blunt. once he has his mind set to something he is GOING to do it, and you bet that he's going to find an unconventional but clever way to do it better than anyone else. honestly can be a little mean depending on his other placements 💀💀 but definitely very respectful and sweet to the people he feels deserve it. knows how to put himself first(as anyone should!) and is always striving for a personal happiness.

-gemini rising. the reason i think taehyun is a gemini rising is because he has a smart and witty exterior, and the way he socializes with those around him is always Observant at first and then he acts accordingly. this combines with his scorpio moon- he knows how to talk to people and get on their good side easily. tends to talk with his hands a little. and though he isnt talkative like a gem rising usually is (though, not all of them are) he definitely has the wit for it. gem risings are generally good at most things they do, and have a quick mind thats always in gear.

now before we talk about any other planets i just wanna point out that tyun's venus, mc, sun, lilith, uranus and one more asteroid are OPPOSITE juno which most likely signifies a wildly complicated or non existent love life 💀💀💀 not that its impossible but he's got a lot of other priorities over love. Nothing wrong with that! But if you wanted to know why it took me so long to do his chart this is why bc it nearly gave me an aneurysm every time i so much as thought about it.

-merc in cap in the 9th house. ive read that these people like to "compartmentalize" things. theyre also pretty careful thinkers and eloquent speakers too. people greatly recognize them for their poised and collected way of talking and they usually dont seem to frayed by anything. hes usually feeding his thirst for knowledge too in any way that he can !

-venus in aquarius in the 10th house. truly..... does not care for romance lol. in facts hes probably really cold about his love life and prefers to keep it that way. the fact that its in aquarius too is wild because venus in aquarius ppl strike me as people who cant really be "tied down." i feel like romantic commitment just kinda scares them? imo. and then its right next to his lilith meaning that he probably has a lot to learn about relationships in general. not just with lovers, but i feel like with friends and family he tends to act a bit cold without meaning to and i think thats really just his natural disposition lol. but the fact that his venus is opposite juno makes me believe that he struggles to find out what he wants and how to act in a relationship for a super long time. it might be a karma thing for him

mars in aries in the 11th house. WOW okay so when hes angry youll know it. he might be prone to short and quick bursts of temper if u push him and im sure that hes pretty sharp with his words. but i don't think his anger lasts for long. he can also be pretty passionate about things he cares for a lot. its in his 11th house so hes seen as a super capable person with talent, and he might thrive a bit off knowing that hes made someone happy like i feel that he might be a people pleaser even when he doesnt quite show it.

jupiter in cancer in 2nd house. everyone is pretty aware of how talented he is and this aspect just highlights that. this placement might give him a lucky streak in life, and i think bc its in the 2nd house it signifies great wealth and fortune

saturn in gemini in the 12th house has a good sense of direction and a very good leader. because its in gemini he knows how to bring out better qualities in other people and he knows how to communicate with his team. very smart! but also might focus on waayy too many things at a time and it might leave him a little scatterbrained from time to time. he might feel a little reserved when expressing hightened emotion, especially if its positive, so hes good at containing himself. now because its in his 12th house im... a little concerned? taehyun might need a hug

neptune in aquarius in the 9th house. doesnt really favor being contained. needs freedom or else he'll be unhappy. tries to make sense of a lot of things, so it frustrated him when he cant quite comprehend how things exactly work

uranus in 10th house in pisces ppl are sorta off in their own little world sometimes. like hes really usually stuck in his own thoughts. hes most likely to daydream a lot.

pluto in sag in the 7th house. good at problem solving. adventurous. exciting as a person in general. and since pluto is in his 7th house, forging relationships might be difficult for him. also i think he might have a thing fir scorpio dominant ppl

[bellamygateoldblog]

So, I read a lot of your personal posts and I'm just really curious about you. You seem very stressed out and tired all the time. Are you a college student? Are you just in a financial situation that necessitates that you work all the time? I just feel bad because It seems that you do not absorb joy very much. Like, I have seen that you recently started watching that show The 100. You seem very pissed off about it and yet keep watching it? You confuse and intrigue me. Explain?

"it seems that you do not absorb joy very much" has been playing on my mind ever since i read this. It hit something close to my heart.

I know i’m not obligated to explain anything and i don’t tend to put my life online (i don’t have any social media, so that should give you an idea of how secretive i usually am) but i literally stayed awake for 30 hours straight before sleeping for 15 hours straight and of course i don’t feel very well after that lol. I feel like i need to talk through some things that i’ve been keeping to myself for a long time. Get it out of my head, stop carrying it around, maybe gain some control over it.

I never intend to make anyone feel bad though, but i don’t have anyone to talk to so i guess i sometimes make those posts as a substitute for someone listening. Or for me being pissed about the 100, i think that’s my mood translating into what i end up posting in general.

Anyways this is A Lot. I obviously don’t mind if you read it. Advice would be nice, if anyone has any.

I’m a 2nd year university student. Due to severe mental illness (often making me physically sick and exhausted) these last 2 years have been extremely difficult so that's left me in a very intense situation essentially just trying to ensure i pass the year. That means handing in all the assignments i deferred basically all at the same time, after not attending the year at all. Like no lectures, no workshops, no lessons, nothing past the first month of semester 1. It's really not an ideal situation and my condition isn't improving the way i thought it would (you know when you think ‘this is the worst it can possibly get’ and then it gets worse?), and i can't focus. I’m resourceful and naturally decently smart, so i’m able to still pass a year of uni without...going. I’ve become less capable over time but because of other life experience i don’t place value on academic excellence anymore and because of covid there is a benchmark anyway, where my grade can’t drop below a 2:2, so basically i’m good as long as i don’t recieve a fail grade on anything. But that being said it’s still really hard to get things done anyway despite this? especially with depression and concentration issues, because uni in general just makes me really unhappy and disrupts my entire life, and i’d rather do literally anything else.

I can’t function whenever thinking about school in general. If im stressed about something i can’t think about anything else and it ends up seeping into other things im doing.

I have a really clear idea of what i want for the next step in my life and university is the only route available to get to so that’s why i’m still going through all of this when i could technically just ‘stop’. I’ve explored other ideas already and it appears even more stressful and complicated to make a huge change now. Even though i know 3rd year will be harder (which is also a source of stress, anxiety over what’s to come when im already struggling...).

I've been talking to my uni the whole time and while they've been understanding and accommodating (psychology department...like...they Know lol), there's only so much they can do to help me. Everyone i’ve spoken to is genuienly amazed i am where i am, but imo my resilience is bourne out of pure spite not to let my life fall apart along with myself LMAO. I have one assignment deadline left which is tomorrow. It’s the hardest one yet, i haven’t started and i’m filled with dread, and i’m so burned out i have no idea how i’m going to get it done.

To give some context about the whole ‘i can’t help myself when i’m under stress’ thing: I’m a really feminine girl. I have health and beauty routines that i like to stick to, but i can’t stick to them right now so i don’t feel like myself. There is nothing more to my life than stress and depression. I’m pretty sure i experienced dissociation for a few days last week. It was like i didn’t exist.

Just so happens that when i thought i could finally have a break from the extreme stress there are exams coming up on the 11th, which my uni has for some reason decided to make harder!?!? And i need to tell you that because it’s been bugging me ever since i recieved the email. They've completely changed the exams from being 1 hour long multiple choice tests (multiple choice is so easy smh) to basically a group of short answer questions we have 24 hours (each!) to write and submit and it’s seeming like i’ve got another 5 assignments to do after already writing 7 in the past month. It’s open book while the January exams were closed but it still seems to me like the students who didn’t defer (who did the exams back in January) got an unfair advantage over those of us taking them now due to our own circumstances. So I’m confused and upset about that, and about the thought that i probably won’t even get a break before 3rd year begins.

My living situation doesn’t make it better. It’s a really negative and emotionally draining space for me to be in. Just adding to my being drawn to negativity, and my own sensitivity. And covid has made everything that much more complicated, with everything changing and being closed etc. I’m completely alone btw, there is no one i can lean on.

As for the 100, that’s really tricky. I actually stopped “watching” it last year and now mostly consume it through fandom tumblr. I'm just not in the right headspace to sit alone and watch such a heavy show (clearly LMAO). But I’m so comfortable in this circle of fandom & love my mutuals, so i stay. I am actually liking a lot about the final season, like they’re delivering everything i wanted them to lol, but it’s so flawed and easy to complain about when you have a predisposition to be a Negative Nancy all the time so here we are.

I think i don’t really talk so extensively about shows I really love because i feel like i don’t have anything substancial to say about them besides ‘i love it’? Like i just sit there and happily watch and the farthest i go is commenting gibberish love confessions in the tags of a gifset i reblog. So most of my posts end up being me being petty or something. I do want to focus more on shows i love but like i said...it’s so hard for me sometimes to be all-positive and pretend i’m not completely crushed?

I really just want to not be so stressed and exhausted all the time. I want to do something besides worry about and/or do work. I’d love to clean my space & take a shower & read a book without a nagging anxiety in the back of my head. But i have to wait it out, and then wait it out, and continue waiting it out because it feels like things are going to be this way forever or get even worse.

I’ve had a lot of good luck lately though, and i don’t know what your beliefs are but i think someone is watching over me.

[wtfzodiacsigns]

My Experience With the Signs (Reprise)

Aquarius: They have a commanding presence to them that to some is intimidating but not to me. You stick to your “one way of doing things” far too much. they act emotionally detached even when everyone knows they’re the most sentimental person in the room. some of them get on my nerves with their one track mind, but for the most part we get along. they’re the type to say eww guiltlessly when you say you like something really lame (if they dont then they’re the lame one). don’t really get irony for some reason either. they dont understand how you can be ironically into something really stupid, like saying you ironically listen to journey or hall and oats sometimes.

Pisces: its a 50/50. Either I love you or I can’t stand you theres no in between. they all have high morals and will really push them on people. this isnt a big problem unless their logic makes absolutely no sense which happens. they can be very intelligent but this can lead some to become overzealous. they’re smart, empathic and very compassionate. they are equal parts capable of being my favorite person or me just wanting to kill them due to some of their know-it-all natures and ridiculous logic. they’re the type where you can chain smoke talking about every topic under the sun with for 7 hours. so long as you don’t offend them which can happen pretty easily. make one innocuous joke or comment and all hell will break loose.

Aries: we would be cool except you make every issue about you. I admire your ability to stay positive, almost to a level where i fear you’re actually just ignorant of the problem completely. they’re good at making light of other peoples situations, but if something happens to them that they don’t like, its as if the whole world has to go on hold for them to figure it out. they can be really exhausting this way and come off as being super self absorbed. these are the type to call you at 4am saying “guess what just happened to me.”

Taurus: honestly not much has changed. you are still lazy and still prefer netflix and your bag of cheetos to hanging out. but regardless, they’re level headed and easy to talk to. they love to use the blame game to explain away their problems so they dont have to put work into adjusting their behavior. they have sound logic and ideas and can be that friend that you make a meaningful glance to across the room when the person you’re talking to is full of shit. nothing phases these people. until something does. then all hell breaks loose and they are insane.

Gemini: (i dont know many so im sorry if this is an unfair bias) out of all the ones I’ve known, they’ve all sucked. they manipulate and lie to get what they want from people. usually control. every picture on their facebook page is of themselves. they think they’re really talented and special when really they’re just a methhead trying to pick up underage girls with their guitar at a party they weren’t invited to.

Cancer: they’re all super sweet honestly. prone to being down on themselves and making their poor self esteem painfully obvious. they can get defensive and close themselves off even though you really just wanna hug them. tend to make poor relationship choices though they usually dont figure that out til later. really just fun to be around and drink half a bottle of tequila with. you can really tell them anything and they won’t judge you. a wholesome bean.

Leo: the person who cuts into a conversation because you haven’t said their name in five minutes. these are a bit of a mixed bag. the ones who dont have any control of their ego are unbearable: naiive, arrogant, selfish, self centered, etc. but the ones who are aware of their own egos are typically nihilists who like really weird anime and rip on themselves to make them laugh. the self aware ones have this “dead inside” air to them but not in a depressing gloomy way just in a confident “life is meaningless so fuck it” way. also I’ve never met a female leo who wasn’t gay so theres that masculine sign bringin the gay.

Virgo: they overanalyze too much and it makes them anxiety ridden but they dont do anything about it. they can be critical, but trust me they criticize themselves the most. they can be pretty blunt, and its a good trait only about half the time. they are secretly very emotional though most will never know that. they are dying inside but are super good at faking it and turning it into a joke. range from being overbearing to overly detached in about half a second. people don’t really perceive them the way they should in both directions good and bad. they stick to their ways but not in an aquarius or taurus way, but more of a “I am at a loss I dont know what else to do” way. typically very understanding and kind but not at first. it takes time to get through that prickly cynical exterior. they’re moody and typically get way too caught up and drown in tragedies. if something bad happens they never forget and they let it follow them to their grave. they’re the kind of person where you can lay on the hood of their car at night listening to beach house talking about how cool space is. (true story)

Libra: another 50/50. they both make me the angriest most miserable person on earth and also happy to the max. they love passionately when they’re actually in love but are prone to cheaty behavior which they never address. They get caught up in what people think of them without realizing it and it makes them act irrationally. they have a habit of trying to get someones attention or respect by covering up their true selves and adopting all the interests and hobbies of the person they admire, basically a chameleon. this makes them seem fake. i wish they would just embrace who they are and be themselves because literally everyone on earth would prefer that. some, usually the men, can be extremely arrogant and think they’re the greatest thing ever at everything with no evidence. they can be incredibly insecure and have all sorts of weird ways of covering it up. can be manipulative. very flirtatious which is great if you’re interested in one and really not great while you’re dating them. don’t really understand the concept of emotional cheating, probably because they do it so much and dont want to look at themselves as cheaters but they are.  if you find a loyal self aware libra with integrity and self respect though, my god they could rule the world through their ability for kindness and love.

Scorpio: I can be good friends with them but dating them is always a poor choice. they can be pretty oblivious and a lot of them get caught up in trying to look cool. its not because they care what people think its for some weird unknown self serving reason. these people can surprise you in all kinds of ways. because they keep themselves pretty low profile you never really know what they’re capable of. they’re unpredictable that way. they are pretty slutty in frivolous relationships, but once they commit they’re pretty attached. almost to an unhealthy degree. like they could get beat up, cheated on and abandoned by their partner and still love them (true story. like 3 of them). honestly though, usually just dorky memelords who wanna argue with you about politics and music using alien conspiracies as supporting evidence.

Sagittarius: oh you fiery eyed beauties. the independent ones are the best ones. they can talk all kinds of shit and not give a fuck better than anyone and its amazing so long as you’re not on the receiving end of it. the lazier ones are usually more clingy and unsure of themselves and usually use that fiery energy on their loved ones and themselves which isnt as fun. they are the greatest best friends. they know exactly what to say and when and they are the type of person where if you tell them you got cheated on they’ll go find the bastard and light their car on fire. essentially, a punk rock sagittarius can’t be topped by anyone. just stay away from the alcohol because you are so prone to being an alcoholic like please stop we love you.

Capricorn: usually very sweet. like to the point where you wonder if they’re “okay.” they will put up with some ridiculous shit from people. if you need emotional support though ask a capricorn because they will be there. usually like to keep in charge of themselves and accomplish their goals in their own kind of strange ways. usually neat and clean and smell good. they’ll buy you pizza and not ask to pay it back. if you upset one enough to leave your life then you’ve fucked up big time because they will put up with just about anything.they are precious keep them close and protected. I only met one i didnt like and they literally ended up the person i dislike most out of the whole human race that I’ve met. so i guess this means they’re just as capable of being complete asswipes as they are being squishy marshmallows.

Source: nanothestrange

[liquidstar]

whenever you are ready, I would LOVE to hear about why each roommate pair was chosen :3c

im SO SORRY this is like a week late but when it comes to typing long stuff it can take me a while to jump past that bridge even if i REALLY want to, its just the adhdyslexic way... BUT i finally typed it all and im glad i did :) im going to put it under the cut of course

 I should preface this by also saying something I didn’t say before, the roommate pair system likes to follow a pretty strong “opposites attract” type model, it plays into the theme of duality and completion and “other halves” especially in regards to Iris and Crocus (The former of which having founded the school and set this system to begin with lol) so that’s something you’re gonna see a lot here. Anyway,

Amary and Rue are kind of a special case because since Amary was admitted into the school late and Rue was the only person without a roommate there was no one else to pair her with to begin with. But Rue is also special here, because there’s hardly ever been a student without a roommate from the get-go (Some people might drop out) but the crystal ball was ADAMANT about not pairing her up with anyone. At first Plumeria assumed it was because she’d be some type of problem child given her whole punk-rock thing, but in reality the crystal ball just knew that Amary would be admitted into the school later on. It can tell the future, it was looking ahead. Amary and Rue both needed each other to force the other to be better whether they wanted to or not.

Sorrel and Aloe also force the good out of each other, but rather than rivalry it’s the fact that both of them have a really strong genuine desire to become better people for each other and both feel a sense of obligation and protection to the other, so they really do help each other out a lot. They’re not perfect at it by any means because they’re still both dumb teenage boys but they make each other want to try

Carnation and Pine were paired together because their magic types are complementary and so are their ways of approaching them, they need to learn from each other. While Pine’s magic is all about innovation and the future, Carnation’s is very rooted in tradition and is seemingly set in stone. Carnation needs to adapt Pine’s sense of innovation to make something new with her magic, something only she can do. And in order for Pine to find constant inspiration sometimes they have to look back on the past. 

Geran and Fennel seem to have opposite problems that could cancel each other out if they actually cooperated. Geran doesn’t let himself express his feelings while Fennel is overemotional, basically they just need to learn a middle ground from each other and become… A stable current. That’s a water pun AND electricity pun.

Musk and Gallica should seem obvious, beyond being siblings and they literally need to be touching in some way to use their magic in major ways. Not pairing them up together would have just been a dumb move. Not to mention the fact that the only reason Gallica was even admitted into the school to begin with is because of Musk.

Daisy and Protea were just both good fits for each other, their magic types seem unrelated but compliment each other well, one is incredibly passive and the other very active, which also reflects their personalities. They basically have what the other lacks in that regard, but unlike certain others they both get along incredibly well.

Maggie and Tam are childhood friends, so like Gallica and Musk it’s pretty much a no-brainer that they got paired together. But aside from that they can both be pretty hard to have as roommates for one reason or another, but since they’ve already known each other so long they already work really well together and make an incredibly dynamic team. 

Hyacinth and Holly got paired together because no matter what Hyacinth says, Holly will always try to push them to be better, and no matter what Holly says Hyacinth will always stop her from doing something stupid. Together they can be competent wizards against their own wills.

Sun and Moon also got paired up together because the fact that they’ve known each other for so long makes them a better team, but also because they would have probably been too resistant to other roommates.

Cherry and Camellia got paired up together because Cherry has literally not felt fear in years so she’d have no problem rooming with someone who has basically ghost magic, and Camellia needs Cherry around as an example of how to be nicer and less gloomy all the time.

Zinnia and Pansy absolutely need each other to encourage the others jackassery, this MIGHT sound like a bad thing on paper but if you take their magic types into consideration it’s actually something that’ll help them both improve. That being said though, Pansy is the more responsible one with more chill vibes that wouldn’t let things to TOO far, and Zinnia needs that.

Bluebell and Heliotrope are partners because even though Heliotrope is very smart and capable, they’re also kind of an airhead that doesn’t work all too hard. So they need Bluebell there to boss them around and make them do work, and Bluebell needs Heliotrope around to show him how to relax for a bit and not burn out.

Fungus and Cactus got paired up together because Cactus has the most sort of parental personality, basically a “mom friend”, and that something Fungus needs since he’s younger and more socially isolated than most of his classmates, and Cactus is the other person who can look past his weirdness and just kind of laugh at it.

Violet and Cori are roommates for a similar reason, Cori can be very nice and supportive side, but she’s also a lot more laid back and it was important for Violet to have someone like that with her who isn’t completely overbearing like her brother. 

Almond and Primrose got paired up together because Almond sort of lacks creativity while Primrose has an abundance of it, and stuff like that can be important when you’re a wizard and really affect the way you use magic, he basically has to follow her lead until he gets it himself. Meanwhile he’s also around to talk her out of her overly eccentric or complex ideas, sometimes simple problems need simple solutions. 

Jonquil and Lavender got paired up together because Jonquil is easily a lot more athletic while Lavender is a lot smarter, they basically both have those qualities the other lacks. Jonquil isn’t the smartest and outside of his magic Lavender isn’t the most physical guy, in fact his magic requires very minimal movement despite being active, but they’re also both incredibly willing to help the other out. 

Lotus and Bamboo are a good fit because Bamboo is someone who is simultaneously very active and vigorous but still very soft in nature, she’d need a roommate that can match that tempo, while at the same time Lotus needs a roommate who’d inspire him to be more active himself instead of just thinking: being a healer=being passive

Celosia and Heather were paired up because Celosia is pretty much one of the only people who wouldn’t give into Heather’s bossyness no matter what but still wouldn’t care enough to actually start any serious drama. She’s just indifferent, which is good for Celosia and also good for Heather, because she needs someone like that to keep her from getting a big head.

Delphi and Lisia were paired up together because Delphi really needs a partner who would keep her from going too far while also having strong enough magic to stop her if she does. And Lisia needs someone who will force her to be more assertive if needed, even if the need to be assertive stemmed from them. 

Clove and Hazel are partners because Clove is someone who can talk Hazel down from being too eccentric about stuff while still not being too soft or too shy to deal with their antics, and Hazel is someone who can put Clove in situations that he hasn’t been in before, good and bad.

Nep and Buttercup are roommates because Buttercup has a need to be a “one of a kind” while Nep is a straight-up copycat, they basically are both incredibly annoyed with the other because of this but Nep has to learn that she’s her own person and Buttercup has to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her, they just both force each other into that.

Cowslip and Ginger were a very obvious choice because they compliment each other very very well, both have southern themes and animal-related magic, they’re both two people that can just relate to each other and build functioning teamwork off that. 

Viscaria and Arum are paired up together because Arum can help Viscaria take it easy while Viscaria can help Arum have more energy, both pumping each other up and calming each other down depending on what the situation entails. 

Mint and Snowdrop are partners because both of their problems cancel each other out. Mint is overly paranoid and Snowdrop is kind of a jerk at first, neither of them would get along with ANY roommate. But because Mint steers clear of Snowdrop, Snowdrop leaves him alone, which in turn makes Mint less paranoid. They both have to learn to overcome these issues if they want to be a real team though. 

[pinkykitten]

Dressed Up

Marvel 

Yon-Rogg x female! reader

Warning: curse words, reader being cringy 

Specifics: comedy, fluff, romance, pictures, one-shot, self-conscious reader, insecure reader, race neutral reader

People: yon-rogg, carol danvers

Words: 1,835

Requested: By anon Hello! It's the au anon here again lol. I wasn't aware of that so thanks for replying! <3. Then could you write one where reader likes Yon-rogg but isn't aware that he likes her too bc he's like a god (in her eyes) and there's no way someone like him would even notice smn like her. Thank you <3

Authors Note: again sorry i dont do au’s and sorry for taking a lifetime to write this. i feel like im always saying that but i mean it everytime. i am grateful for you guys being patient it means a lot and just thank you guys for still supporting my blog and reading my trash. so enjoy some sarcastic carol and a shopping spree nobody asked for. 

You stared from afar from your side of the training base. Your head leaning against your palms, daydreaming. Wishing. Just wishing he could take one glance your way. 

You all had just finished another lesson. Another lesson to which you stumbled a little at your teacher, Yon-Rogg, but only because he placed his hands on your waist to teach you a move. 

“Whats wrong little lady?” Vers stopped by, your best friend sitting beside you sweating. “You seem out of it today.”

“Its nothing, really.” As you said this your eyes made contact to Yon-Rogg bending down to pick up his towel. You bit your lip and did not blink once!

Vers hummed to herself, “oooooooooooooooh I see.”

“See what?”

“His as*! No I’m just playing with you. No I see that you like the man.”

You didn’t even try to fight. You shrugged and shook your head, “yeah Vers but think about it. This godly delicious creature of a man even looking at moi! I don’t think so...at all. He’s him and I’m,” you gulped and took a glance at yourself. “Well you get the picture.”

“Y/n don’t worry, the best thing about being in a relationship is being yourself. You have to be truthful.”

“I can’t Vers, I just can’t. I mean I want to be truthful but with him its just different.”

Vers took a hold of your hand, “no woman should have to disguise themselves to deserve love. You are beautiful enough, you are smart enough, you are enough.”

You chuckled, “thanks...my hero.”

Vers giggled and jokingly wiped non existent tears, “girl, I am flattered. Just keep the compliments going, we got time.”

“-But I need to do this another way.”

Vers mentally slapped herself on the face, “so what, all that pep talk went straight through one ear and entered out the other?”

“Yep, and I’m gonna need your help!”

Vers gave a face of disgust. “Oh shi* I don’t like the sound of that.”

You and Vers entered your room, tired, worn out from all the-

“I can’t believe you just dragged me to go on a shopping spree with you,” Vers whined as she dropped herself on your bed. 

You hauled all the bags on your table and slumped on your chair, “I can’t believe I wasted that much money.” You and Vers laughed hard. 

“Well I see that this is my leave so good luck in all your sexiness and yeah-”

Clutching onto her sleeve you gave her a death glare as you glanced up, “I am not done with you yet.”

“God okay woman. What else do you want me to do? Wipe your as*.”

“Haha very funny,” you sarcastically answered. “No I need help with my outfit.”

It felt like it took forever! Your makeup was glamorous, making you look like a model, no a goddess! You put on jewelry, keeping it simple but sexy. The hoop earrings dangled lightly atop your shoulders, just grazing the skin from time to time as they twirled from your movement. You added a blinged up choker, it wasn’t too tight but just enough to look almost attached to your skin. You slipped on your tight outfit and had some skin showing. Last but not least you applied some lip gloss on your lips. The shimmer making your lips irresistible. You put your heels on and called out to Vers, “okay I’m finished...close your eyes.”

You peeked and saw she was listening to orders, “good.” You jumped out and yelled, “ta-da!”

Vers opened her eyes and gasped, “oh my god! Y/n you look super hot! Yes, get it girl! You got this!”

You twirled around and looked at yourself in the mirror. 

You enjoyed what you saw in the reflection but you wondered if Yon-Rogg would like what he sees.

“So you like it?”

Vers hugged you and nodded, “I do, but I always like the real you more, but its nice for a change. And also who said it was bad for a woman to wear makeup? I mean men can get all hot and whatever from time to time, well then so can us girls!”

You smiled and thanked Vers walking out to go see Yon-Rogg. 

He was by himself in the cafeteria, writing and just focused. Seeing that there was no one there you felt nervous and was about to dart back to your room when your heels alarmed him and he called out to you.

“Hi there, sorry if you’re doing something, I can come back another time,” you bashfully looked away from him. He wasn’t saying a word and thats when you peered at his face, you could see he was speechless. His mouth was opened just a bit. 

“Sorry,” he apologized blushing a little. “Please if you would like to, you could sit here.” He pointed to the seat in front of him. You nodded and almost ran to the chair but kept your cool. 

Now Yon-Rogg got a really good look at you. “May I just say, you look exquisite this evening y/n.”

“Thank you, Commander.” 

“Please call me Yon-Rogg...I bet it sounds way better coming out of your lips.”

You laced your fingers together, feeling the aura heating up. The setting becoming a flirtatious one, “alright then, Yon-Rogg.”

He giggles and nods, “well, I was right.”

“So what are you writing?” You asked as you motioned your head to the paper that sat in front of him. 

“Its a summary of how everyone today did in their training. Things they need to work on, progression.”

You slumped in your chair out of frustration, “oh that is not good.”

“What?”

“Oh I was talking about me. I did kinda fail today.”

Yon-Rogg focuses on you instead of the paper and grabs your hands, “let me ask you something y/n, did you try today?”

You were quick with an answer, “of course Comman- I mean Yon-Rogg. Of course I tried, I always try.”

Yon-Rogg leaned back in his seat, “see there, thats all you can do. Try. Thats all that matters to me, when I look at you all I want to observe is that you are trying. And thats what I always see with you.”

“Well its all thanks to you, I mean if you hadn’t shown us what a incredible leader you are and encouraged me then we probably would be having a different conversation right now but you only teach me good qualities.”

Yon-Rogg gave a charming smile, “may I ask, why are you so dressed up today?”

You almost choked on air and gripped tightly the table. “Um I was just going for a walk.”

Yon-Rogg looks below the table and sees your high heels, “in those?”

You changed your composure quickly, knowing you sounded dumb. You tried to show more of your physique. Displaying your breasts and popping out your butt. You puffed your lips out more and nodded, “yeah these shoes help tone the legs real nice for you, you tough man.”

You were losing control of yourself. You were trying to flirt but it was not working, flirting was not in your DNA. Yon-Rogg gave a look of curious. 

Next, you tried to grab his pen and put it in your mouth but you dropped it and as you were picking it up you bumped your head against the table. 

“Are you alright?” Yon-Rogg asked very worried.

You touched your head and only winced lightly, “yeah I’m fine...baby.” You tried to bite his pen sexy but you ended up gnawing it leaving a dent. 

You were just done. You were embarrassing yourself and you could tell by Yon-Rogg’s face that he was weirded out as well.

“I’m sorry this was a mistake.” You tried to stand up quickly but wearing your heels made you trip and fall into Yon-Rogg’s arms. He was there to catch you. You held onto his biceps for support and looked up to be so close to his handsome face. 

“H-hi there,” you stuttered as you were so bashful at the moment.

“Tell me the truth y/n. Why did you dress up like this tonight?”

“Fine, I wanted to impress you. Well not only that, there is like a long list so you might be here for a while its just, I like you a lot Comm- gosh sorry I keep doing that I mean Yon-Rogg. I like you a lot but not as in a way of friends or like wow you are my leader I like you a lot even though yes thats true I just don’t like you as a friend, I mean I do but-” You took a huge breath and calmed your nerves. “Let me start over. I want to see if you would like to go on a date, that offer still stands but I knew you probably did not like the other me. The less glamorous me. I mean you have made such an impact on not just me but to all of Kree. How could someone like that date someone like me? I just wanted to be better for you, but I ruined it.” You looked down ashamed and disappointed with yourself. 

Yon-Rogg was silent but lifted your face with his forefinger and thumb. “None of those things you said about yourself is true. You did not have to do anything to prove your worth to me. Don’t get me wrong I love this look but I also love who you really are. You are more than what you think. I ask myself how could someone so beautiful, so daring, so amazing go out with a guy so serious and who keeps his emotions hidden. I tried to do that with you y/n, but you are truly something else. I can’t keep what I feel for you hidden anymore. I love you y/n. I truly mean that, and you don’t have to show me you are capable of great things I can already see it when I look at you.”

You crashed your lips against his and laced your fingers into his hair. “Thank you Yon-Rogg.”

“Never gets old.”

You two were about to walk side by side together as now a couple when he stopped you. “Before we move any further can we please get rid of these wretched shoes. I mean they are sexy on you but these guys are a bit rough.” 

You let go of the breath you were holding in, “oh my gosh yes please I thought you would never say that.” You took your shoes off and held them in your hand. 

“But I do like this on you,” Yon-Rogg said about your outfit, feeling over the material and tracing his hands on your butt. “Can you wear this more often please?”

You laughed as you walked hand in hand with him, “I don’t know, I have to think about it.”

“Oh you naughty girl, I see you like to play dirty. Fine two can play that game.”

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[thegeminisage]

i have deep and conflicting thots about the gilli episode (3.11)

they’re long (they’re LONG!!!) so here’s a cut. you’re welcome

good things:

this is the ANTITHESIS to everything i was complaining about last night. this is what i was CRAVING. this show did me so good (and yet, so bad - more on that in a sec)

there was a touch of outside pov here (my weakness) since we got to see who merlin was from gilli’s point of view

and when i say we got to see who merlin was i mean we really for real got to SEE WHO HE WAS oh babey

something gilli said in this episode was that merlin has been pretending so long he forgot who he was and i think similarly he pretends so well that we the audience (me anyway) also kind of forget who he is because we see it SO rarely

but we saw it here! in this episode merlin was SMART?? those aren’t two words i’d normally use in the same sentence without sticking a “is not” between them but he WAS - he cottoned on right away that gilli was using magic, he confronted him immediately and in a way that didn’t invoke hostility (and what a nice little flip, what a TREAT to see someone else freaking out and covering their ass while merlin is keeping his cool), (some of) his normal little jabs at arthur were a tad wryer/slyer on the delivery, and he figured out, ON HIS OWN, how to save both gilli and uther, and used his magic in front of ALL THOSE PEOPLE without getting caught

and speaking of that, merlin being like “he’s braver than me, using magic in front of all those people” and gaisu going “brave or stupid” like... ok, at first my reaction was: come on, merlin uses magic in front of people ALL THE TIME...but when i think about it, my very own self was complaining just yesterday that he was keeping his shit buttoned up way too tightly. and i did notice merlin himself waiting until backs were turned more often, incantating aloud less often...he ACTUALLY HAS gotten less stupid, JUST a smidgen. i didn’t even realize

merlin seemed more grown-up and serious in this episode than he has in the entire series. maybe it’s the fact that he had someone younger and dumber to play off of (and i don’t think gilli was a strong enough character to carry an episode, but maybe it was enough to give us an excuse to develop merlin so much) but he did in fact seem WISE, and he seemed TIRED, which is a thing grownups usually are... the way he talked to the other characters seemed different too - he spoke to the dragon as an equal (last dragon & last dragonlord), not as some dumbass in over his head asking for help (very nice also that he didn’t go to gaius for advice but someone more on “his level”). he gave arthur clear and frank advice on how to go about fighting his dad, he STUCK UP FOR GILLI AGAINST GAIUS (backbone! compassion!) and then STUCK UP FOR HIMSELF against gilli!!!!!

(i like a slightly more serious merlin because while quirky dumbass country hick merlin IS charming and endearing that charm can only carry him so far without more meat involved, especially after some of the terrible things we’ve seen him suffer through and all the experiences he’s had to grow and change)

i have mixed feelings about merlin showing his magic to this particular person at this particular time, but i do also like that he was willing to open up about WHO HE IS if it could potentially save a life. that shows backbone. and it shows integrity. two things i was sorely missing from merlin before now

speaking of merlin’s integrity, we finally got to cover why he keeps saving uther, who he should hate and despise and want dead, which i have been DYING for

merlin and gilli have a sort of professor x/magneto stance about uther, by which i mean one of them argues that they should change things from within the system to court goodwill and avoid violence because acting violently would just make their detractors’ point for them, and the other argues that the system should be destroyed entirely through any means necessary because violence is the only language the oppressor understands

on a rewatch what really stands out to me is merlin chastising gilli at the end by saying “you’re better than that.” it makes me think of season 1 when merlin had the chance to let morgana’s allies assassinate uther and he asks gwen what he should do - gwen, who also has every reason to hate and despise uther, tells merlin that to allow him to die through inaction would be just as bad as murdering him directly, and that that would make merlin as bad uther is

i don’t want to give the people who fucked morgana over so thoroughly too much credit but it makes me wonder if that wasn’t when merlin decided that he was going to be the bigger man

he says it himself in this episode, near tears - it is LONELY, being what he is, and doing what he does. he could kill a man with a thought and he spends all his time mucking stables and polishing armor and when he gets a break from that it’s to save someone’s life without endangering his own. it is dangerous, tireless work for which he believes he will NEVER get any thanks. and what i was so frustrated about before was not understanding WHY - did he care THAT much about arthur’s feelings, that he couldn’t stand to watch arthur lose a father? was he just THAT afraid of uther and what uther would do to him if he found out?

but i get it now - it’s because he CHOOSES to. not to protect arthur or to protect himself but because he wholly believes that he’s playing the long game and he’s on the correct path to seeing a future where what he is is no longer outlawed - god, his FACE when he says “when that day arrives, we WILL be free” 

again not to overcredit the writers bc i DON’T think they were smart enough to do this on purpose but like in my heart he decided all the way back in season 1 that he wasn’t going to take the easy way out and just let uther die because THAT’S NOT WHAT MAGIC IS FOR. he’s stronger than everyone else around him and HE CHOOSES to keep his head down and wait it out because in his OWN WORDS “magic is not meant to bring you glory.” even gilli agrees - when used for personal gain, it is very easy for the power of the magic to corrupt. i thought merlin was weak, to have saved uther’s life so many times - but to resist that kind of temptation and corruption over and over, he’s actually the opposite. he doesn’t try so hard to protect the monarchy because he lacks self-respect or integrity, he protects the monarchy BECAUSE OF his self-respect and integrity. all along, he’s been fighting for a better future too - just in his way, not the way gilli or morgana would

and speaking of morgana...here’s the bad:

i. am. LIVID!!!!!

that merlin would tell this boy he BARELY KNOWS his secret in order to maybe possibly save this kid’s life and NOT TELL MORGANA in her worst hour of need when she most needed a friend

merlin got a whole lot more respect from me today but the fact remains that he’s a LYING LIAR WHO LIES and he has tried to kill morgana two and a half times (the poison, the bump on the head, knocking her off her horse) and as of the end of season 3 also MURDERED HER SISTER THAT IS APPARENTLY ALSO LOWKEY HER GIRLFRIEND (i know)

which really clashes with his whole deal that i just described above, of using his magic for good and not evil purposes, for trying to win over hearts instead of win battles. and it’s funny that it’s ONLY morgana that merlin acts out of character for...i think it’s because! and this is a crazy concept! the writers hate morgana!

morgana in season 1 and most of season 2 was a kind and loving person. she was a true ally to gwen and often used her status as the king’s ward to stand up for gwen when gwen was in trouble. the first time she tried to have uther killed it was because of what happened to gwen’s father. she was more than capable of feeling love and knowing right from wrong and doing what she believed was right at any cost as evidenced by her helping to sneak the little druid kid out of the castle at risk to herself

morgana in season 3 does nothing but smirk evilly. and while it’s a good look on her and she’s MORE than valid in wanting to fuck up merlin and uther and maybe even arthur too from a certain viewpoint her aggression against gwen is ENTIRELY unwarranted

even trying my BEST to be sympathetic towards her and remember what she’s gone through and that her bad characterization is the fault of the writers and not morgana herself it is VERY hard not to hate her when you see her delighting in gwen’s misery and watching her PANIC about gwen’s future as the queen was FAR more satisfying than it should have been because i was then delighting in MORGANA’S misery and that is NOT a feeling im comfy with

in fact! im furious! the fact that this gilli kid got a more sympathetic portrayal than morgana ever will makes me SEE RED!!! imagine if the professor x/magneto vibe had been played out with merlin and morgana throughout the entirety of season 3! imagine morgana still had feelings other than ~edgy evulz~ and kept trying to kill uther BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED IT WAS RIGHT but had no quarrel with people like gwen who had always loved her! imagine her being conflicted when there was every chance that gwen would die during the takeover! imagine how her feelings could have become even more complicated when she found out she had living family - a father and brother, one of whom she is plotting to kill! imagine her NOT wanting harm to come to gwen or arthur and trying to persuade them to her side with good yet flawed arguments! imagine uther having to face the fact that the daughter he dotes on is also the thing he hates! people talk about arthur’s conflict if he realizes merlin is magic, but he’s known merlin a lot less time than he’s known morgana and merlin’s not his sister, imagine arthur had to deal with that conflict of interests! we could have HAD IT ALL in season 3 and instead season 3 MOSTLY SUCKS

what if morgana had remembered how fucked up arthur was about learning about the true circumstances of his birth? what if she had persuaded him that uther’s stance against magic was wrong? what if she knew merlin had magic but she hated him so she blackmailed him with it? he could have told her and then spent the ENTIRETY of season 3 shitting himself about it and it would have TOTALLY JUSTIFIED how shifty he got later after gaius taught him how to lie.what if he had SEEN what choosing to hurt other people had wrought in morgana and truly felt remorse and it informed his character for the rest of the show and that’s why he’s always choosing the moral high ground! there were SO MANY possibilities that could have opened up by having morgana be even just a little bit 3-dimensional!!!

which brings me to my next complaint: as good as this episode was, as much as i loved it, as glad as i am to finally understand merlin or at the very least have an interpretation of him i’m happy with, i should not have had to wait ALL SEASON to get there. i know what kind of show this is but they could have slipped some of this stuff in WAY EARLIER so i didn’t have to spent the entirety of season 3 and quite a lot of season 2 thinking merlin was just some spineless fuckup

also i will say it again, gilli was NOT strong enough to have carried this episode. the work on merlin’s character was INCREDIBLE and it was fun enough to see gilli mirror who he was in early season 1 but imagine how much better it could have been if he’d gotten to play off of someone like morgana - gilli’s a one-off character, and he has to tell us about his history and struggles, but morgana’s struggle is something we’ve witnessed firsthand. when she makes her own arguments about how hard it is to be magic under uther’s rule it comes from a place of deep pain that could have and should have resonated with merlin just as deeply as gilli’s.

morgana works MUCH better as a foil to merlin because all the way back in season 1 when they were both angry on gwen’s behalf and both wanted uther to pay for what he’d done so that no more innocent people would die it was MORGANA who chose the magneto route and merlin who decided to go professor x. they had the potential to make something REALLY COOL out of that AND THEY DIDN’T and what makes me so mad about this episode is that the sheer CONCEPT of this was good enough to have carried the entire season and yet they crammed it into a single 45-minute block

here end my thots i guess, in conclusion morgana deserved better

[supercasey]

“You know it would never go in our favor, right hun? That you ‘n Skout ain’t gonna stand a chance ‘gainst El Rey?”

“... I know.”

NoN Twins AU: Separation (Story Below Cut)

It’s late October; the trees outside are shedding their leaves, and despite the omnipotence of magic in their little briar, Annabeth can’t help but worry that the leaves might not grow back this time. Shaking the thought away, she looks to her two children, the three year old twins playing together in the wooden playpen their father built. Speaking of which... Anna looks up just in time to see Benjamin enter the room, the wizard immediately taking a seat at the table with her. Together, they watch the twins for a few minutes, enjoying the momentary calm while they can. After all, even with one twin being mute, the two toddlers are still quite rambunctious.

“Hunny, ‘ook!” As if demonstrating this, Skout picks up a stray Critter, shaking the tiny rock like a rattle. “Hee hee hee! ‘Ook at ‘em wiggle!”

“Skout, sweetie, please put him down. Critters don’t like to be shook.” Anna explains, though she refrains from raising her voice. After all, the kid is only three, so it’s not like she knows better.

Skout pouts but obliges, setting the rock Critter down. The poor thing sways and walks like a drunk man, much to Skout’s amusement. Even Hunter moves his shoulders in an obvious laugh, eyes crinkled at the corners to show his happiness. Smiling, Anna looks to Benjamin to see his reaction, only for her grin to dissipate at a moment’s notice. Instead of chuckling at the antics of his beloved children, Benjamin has the most concerned, fearful look on his face, tears trailing down his face. Once he notices Anna looking his way, he tries wiping the evidence away, but it’s no use.

“Ben? What’s wrong, hun?” Annabeth keeps her voice down when she speaks, as to not draw too much attention from her children. Not that it matters, as they’re too busy toying with their dolls to notice the mood shift.

“Nothin’, babe,” Benjamin assures, using his poncho to clean off his face. Upon earning an unimpressed look, the wizard gives a weak chuckle, shaking his head. “Aw, there ain’t gettin’ nothin’ past you, angel... suppose I’m just concerned for ‘em, that’s all.”

“Concerned? Concerned how?” Annabeth has a feeling she knows the answer already, but considering how secretive her husband can be, she figures asking for clarification is better than assuming the worst.

“Well... honey, Hunter’s already showin’ signs ‘a magic. Jus’ last week we caught ‘im bringin’ his bottle to life! But Skout... she ain’t showin’ the same signs, babe. I’m startin’ to think dat... she might not have The Gift. She’s still plenty smart- that much is obvious- but we can’t be certain dat she’s magic.” Benjamin is very careful with his wording, not wishing to make it sound like his daughter is weak or anything of that nature.

“Magic ain’t everythin’,” Anna points out. Her husband might have grown up reliant on his abilities, but Anna knows that such things are a rare gift, and can’t be guaranteed. Not even through blood. “‘Sides, maybe she’s a late bloomer?” Still, she wouldn’t exactly mind if Skout had powers... magic seems a hell of a lot more fun than Benjamin makes it out to be.

“She might be... but what if she ain’t? You know, I never wanted to talk ‘bout it much, but... magic attracts magic. Enough of it in one place, and El Rey... he might catch the scent, ‘spite my best efforts,” Benjamin looks deeply into Annabeth’s eyes, not even fighting it as tears trail down his face. “Normal weapons won’t work ‘gainst a man like him; only magic stands a chance. Dat means... dat means you ‘n Skout ‘re vulnerable to ‘im. If he managed ta find us ‘n tried to come after me ‘n Hunter, you two could get hurt.”

“Benny... what ‘re you sayin’?” Anna begins crying prematurely, more than capable of connecting the dots, but again, she can’t afford to assume anything when it comes to her husband.

Benjamin offers her the weakest of smiles, trying to comfort her, but it doesn’t work at all. “... Got the feelin’ you already know, baby.”

Annabeth breathes- in and out, in and out- before bowing her head, sobbing as reality hits her like a freight train. Thankfully the twins don’t hear it, as they’re fast asleep, tuckered out by their playing and curled up together on the play mat. Benjamin stands up, circling around the table. He stops in front of Anna, merely holding out his arms to the woman. Anna practically tackles him in a desperate hug, sobbing even harder at the thought that this might be their last embrace. Benjamin nods his head to nothing, rubbing his wife’s back as he mutters under his breath in a different language.

“I know, I know,” Benjamin says in common this time, ditching the use of his native tongue. “It’s gonna be alright, dear. I’ll pack ya ‘nough money ‘n gear ta last ya a lifetime... you’ll be alright.”

“Not without you I won’t,” Anna mutters in a matter-of-fact tone, eyes downcast and still streaming out tears. “I can’t lose you, Benny... you’re the best worst thing that’s ever happened to me. If it weren’t fer you, I’d still be livin’ with my folks, or worse, I coulda been married off... I don’t wanna be alone out there.”

“You won’t be alone; you’ll have Skout,” Benjamin offers, but it doesn’t do much to comfort her. There’s a long, pregnant pause, before the wizard tries again, this time going for a bit of questionable reasoning. He hates to scare her- scaring his loved ones is one of Benjamin’s worst fears- but he’ll resort to it if he has no other choice. “You know it would never go in our favor, right hun? That you ‘n Skout ain’t gonna stand a chance ‘gainst El Rey?”

“... I know.” Annabeth admits, forcing herself to wipe away her tears. “So... when should I leave with ‘er?”

“We’ve got some time. Could wait a whole ‘nother year, but not much longer than that,” Benjamin explains, the grief in his tone heartbroken, yet determined. “After all, we’re gonna want the twins separated ‘fore they’re old ‘nough to remember anything... can’t have one ‘a them gettin’ themselves killed lookin’ fer the other.”

“They’re gonna grow up feeling like a piece ‘a them’s missin’,” Annabeth points out, feeling her heart grow heavy at the sight of the twins still cuddled up together, their arms wrapped around each other’s torsos. “You really think we should be doin’ this? Could always jus’... stay on the run. Can’t track us if we ain’t keepin’ still.”

“That ain’t no life fer our kids, honey,” Benjamin shakes his head, not seeing any other options. “‘Sides, if we’re on the move, we’re bound to get noticed, and that’s a surefire way ta get killed... you ‘n Skout don’t look nothin’ like me, so yer able to have a life outside of this; me ‘n Hunter don’t got that luxury,” Again, he hugs Anna to his chest, petting her hair as he sways a little in place, as if he wants to dance with her one last time, but can’t bring himself to go through with it. “Like I said, you ain’t gotta go jus’ yet... still got a few months left, maybe even a year, but the sooner yer out, the safer yer gonna end up bein’.”

“And if Skout starts havin’ powers? What then? I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout teachin’ her magic, much less how ta suppress it!” Annabeth can’t help but worry; she’s still half convinced that her daughter might just be a late bloomer.

“If she starts showin’, come on back home. It’s gonna be hard as shit, but we’ll figure it out.” Benjamin assures, unable to hide a small smile at the thought. Deep down, he almost hopes that’s the case. After all, it’s not like he wants his daughter to be taken away.

“Shit.”

The couple look to the crib, finding that Skout’s woken up, the redheaded toddler standing up in the playpen, giving her parents an adoring grin. “Shit!” She repeats, amused by the word.

“Now, come on, baby girl,” Benjamin scolds lightly, walking over and scooping the little girl up. He playfully ruffles her hair, grinning at his young daughter. “We don’t say that word, alright? Can’t have you as foul mouthed as yer daddy!” The wizard pauses, sharing a glance with Annabeth. “So, um... we’ll talk ‘bout this some more later, alright? Don’t gotta worry ‘bout it too much right now.”

“Yeah, we can... do that,” Anna agrees, already dreading the conversation. She wishes Benjamin had never even brought this up with her, but she knows it couldn’t be helped. Catching sight of Hunter yawning awake, she quickly scoops the boy up, to which Hunter begins to wiggle and huff. “Aw, ‘nough ‘a that, squirt,” The mother teases, amused by her son’s behavior. “You fussy right now? You even fussier after yer nap?”

Hunter scowls- at least, he scowls as much as he can- patting his mouth with his palm. “Oh, yer hungry? That it, son?” Benjamin asks, recognizing the nonverbal request.

Hunter claps excitedly in a definite ‘yes’, which causes one of the dolls in the playpen to come alive. Before anyone can stop it, the doll climbs out of the playpen and leaps to the ground, running off to God knows where. Annabeth bursts out laughing at the sight, while Benjamin panics. “Oh, goddammit!” He mutters, handing Skout to Anna. “Hold on, I’ll git ‘em!” He assures, taking off after the toy. “Come back ‘ere, ya little varmint!” The wizard orders, although he goes ignored by the newly born Critter.

Anna shakes her head, giving her son a small smirk. “’Spite not sayin’ much, you sure do know how ta cause trouble,” She observes, before making for the kitchen. “You kids wanna help Mama make dinner? Got a feelin’ Daddy’s gonna be-” She’s interrupted by a loud ‘boom’, as if something exploded. “... busy.”

Benjamin comes back a few minutes later, holding up the doll Critter by one of it’s legs. “Um... got ‘em?” He offers his wife a sheepish grin, clearly having broken something. “Don’t go outside... at least fer a few hours.”

Annabeth sighs, again shaking her head at her husband’s antics. “Whatever’s broken better be fixed by sundown, or you ‘n me ‘re gonna have a problem, mister. I do not wanna have ta replant our garden... again.”

Skout and Hunter just giggle at this, amused that their father is in trouble for once. Secretly, both Benjamin and Anna are comforted by their children’s laughter, just glad that their kids aren’t aware of how dangerous their living situation really is, and this just proves it; magic is loud and sometimes dysfunctional, even for experienced users, and it’s for this reason that non-magic users are in so much danger around those with ‘The Gift’... it’s just not safe. Come a few weeks, and Annabeth will leave, taking Skout with her in order to keep at least one of her children safe. But for now, she and Benjamin can pretend that everything is fine, and that nothing will ever take their kids away... not even themselves.

A/N: Somewhat of a spontaneous fic (wrote it all today) but I’ve had this drawing done on my laptop for almost three months, and I only just now got around to writing a short fic for it. Kinda really liked doing this tbh, so I might do something like this again in the future (possibly a part 2 to this fic in particular, or the “Hunter meets El Rey” scenario I keep wanting to write)! Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it enough to reblog/comment!

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[closetcasefabray]

ccf rereads loso /7

chapter thirteen: the adopt-a-skaikru program

Some of the older Sekons joined in Monty and Jasper’s impromptu drinking game. A group of gonas started teaching some of the 100 the words for a dirty song in Trigedasleng. A Skaikru girl started flirting with one of the TonDC youths who was part of the wrestling competition going on and their groups of friends began talking. It was a look at how the world could be this time, hopefully. It was just… nice.

i LIVE for drunk arkers & grounders at a bonfire. LIVE FOR IT! it’s just beautiful.

/

Lexa simply orders her gonas to shof op when they complain: Clarke doesn’t have that option. So she’s spent the whole day helping to settle minor quarrels and mentally cursing everyone for speaking too loudly.

hungover clexa shouldn’t be this damn endearing. like since heda never shows weakness, peacetime post-loso hungover lexa must’ve been so dramatic & extra in front of clarke. “go on without me! leave me” / “lexa, im gonna get you water & if you have to puke there’s a bowl next to the bed.”

(it would’ve been with azgeda villages bc their fayowada would be strong bc they drink regularly in the cold climate & they kept offering her more & more in appreciation of her generosity & how she’s helped them survive in comfort, and wanting to be courteous lexa couldn’t say no & that’s how lexa got fucking hammered so much so clarke laughed & put lexa to bed & just loved seeing lexa be something like the young person she is)

/

Once they’re in Polis Lexa steers her into her old ambassador room, and tucks her into the bed in a way that’s not at all Commander-like. “Sleep, Clarke,” she murmurs in her soft voice. “Get some rest.”

the softest fucking lexa. tucking sleepy clarke into bed. i just can’t.

/

She tries to get out of bed but instead just manages to roll onto the floor (well done, Clarke) and calls out “Come in” anyway because she knows it’s Lexa and she doesn’t have to be too dignified with Lexa.

It’s not Lexa.

Gustus bows his head for a second, then raises it again and looks at her in a way that’s not at all as docile as the gesture of respect made him seem. “Good morning, Clarke kom Skaikru.”

😂 clarke is just a beautiful, graceful sky princess

/

Lexa moves into view. She looks far more awake than Clarke as well.

Clarke wonders if it’s being a Nightblood, or being used to very little sleep after years of being the Commander, or if it’s just one of Lexa’s personality traits. Then, when Lexa gives her a slightly-too-amused look at her dishevelled appearance, she stops wondering and just focuses on glaring at Lexa.

why is this the sexiest cutest thing????

/

She’s not sure who she could sell the idea of being a sanitation worker or something to (though the thought of forcing Murphy to do it is kind of enjoyable. And since his nose is still broken, the smell wouldn’t bother him).

i forgot to mention i loved clarke kicking murphy’s ass: i loved clarke kicking murphy’s ass.

/

When I die, the Commander spirit will pass on,” Lexa answers her. “It will choose one of the Natblidas, as it once chose me. One will be the new Heda.”

“Which won’t be for a very long time,” Clarke says, a little too harshly, and makes herself calm down. She forces a smile. “I need your spirit right where it is.”

Lexa’s amusement shows in her eyes. “After all, I may be heartless, but at least I’m smart?” You can tell from her voice she’s quoting.

Octavia’s looking at them oddly. Clarke coughs and looks away from Lexa. “Something like that.”

you smitten idiots. octavia is observant af. also quoting past shit in a sweet way is my favorite thing. also generally a sucker for distinct canon quotes appearing in fics.

/

“Well that was weird,” Octavia says, as soon as Lexa’s gone.

see? O suspects. also is a hilariously annoying assistant & i love it

//

chapter fourteen: polis brutality

Lexa knows there will never be a day they owe nothing more to their people – this is a beautiful fiction. However, there will be minutes, hours, even days she can steal for herself. She would not have stolen so much time from her duties in the previous world, but when she lay dying there she did not think of her people. She thought of Clarke.

hahahahahahaha fUCK ME UP SMORE JFC

/

But now the Trikru see them as children, barely capable, and this means the strangeness of their ways is seen as funny instead of something to be feared.

And the Skaikru seem to be dealing well too – Lexa has waited outside for most of the checks, but has still seen a boy named Miller scowling in concentration as he learns how to perform a basic punch. She has seen a girl named Monroe kneading bread like it personally offends her. She has seen a girl named Harper examining a basic hunting bow as if it is something rare, a boy named Jones sharpening a blade like it's something precious. They seem to desperately want to learn, to be useful, to contribute. This is not a view she has had of the Sky People before.

crying bc this is everything i wanted for the delinquents & it’s beautiful

/

- bellamy teaching seven-yr-olds english is the gentlest thing & wonderful in contrast to the monster the show made him.

/

Lexa nearly jumps when she feels Clarke’s hand clasp hers. Octavia is watching Bellamy, and the guards look outward, but she still did not expect Clarke to show affection in public. As always, Clarke's touch burns her a little, makes her overly warm, makes her lighter. “Look at this,” Clarke whispers in her ear, sounding so happy that it nearly makes Lexa smile as well. “We did something good. Whatever else happens, this is something good.”

omg this just makes me think of them as parents. so so proud. but also awwww hand-holding is just perfect. i want all the clexa touches!

/

“But there will not be blood,” Lexa interrupts. She dislikes fighting with Clarke, but she cannot back down on this one. “If punishments for crimes are to be lessened, it must be decided on for all people, and announced so that they know. I cannot just begin handing out lighter punishments to your friends.”

“Hardly her friend, she broke his nose the other day,” mutters Octavia, and Lexa feels a swell of pride in her fierce Clarke.

lexa’s right. the punishment is harsh but for polis to not see her bend to skaikru is important.

lol same, lexa.

/

“So your people do not punish this harshly for theft?” Lexa asks, honestly curious.

There’s an awkward pause. Octavia coughs and looks to the side. It is all the answer Lexa needs. Clarke hesitates, looking faintly guilty, then opens her mouth, no doubt to begin explaining that whatever the Ark does, they should be striving to be better down here.

At this moment, Lexa is in no mood for it. She has been doing nothing but striving for better in the past week, and this has involved cutting out and sidelining her own people, people she cares for. In fact, it has also involved giving unearned trust to people she knows to be dangerous, simply because Clarke cares for them. “I see,” she says, voice arctic. “Like always, you expect more of my people than you do of your own.”

She turns and leaves. Before she closes the door behind her, she hears Octavia say, “What does she mean, like always?”

while i don’t like them fighting, this is hugely important. god this conversation should have happened in the show. it’s important not just to suture the divide between arkers & grounders, but clexa as leaders. jfc this fic is just so impressive & why i’m rereading it.

[starrymarktuan]

The Depth of Silence

» Pairing: Mark Tuan x Reader

» Genre: Fluuuuff

» Word Count: 4,904

» Description: Of all the jock-gods, Mark Tuan is the strong and silent one. He’s been your lab partner for most of the year, with almost no words passing between about anything other than Bio Chem. But - add a whole lot of alcohol and a varsity jacket, and things begin to unravel. 

» Part of the Varsity Jacket Series

The group of jock-gods was lingering near the refreshments table, distributing red solo cups and laughing at an inside joke. Once everyone was properly armed with alcohol, they dispersed.

Im Jaebum walked over to the screen door, stepping outside to greet his girlfriend and kissing her lightly on the lips. BamBam and Kim Yugyeom walked deeper into the living room and stole the karaoke mics from unsuspecting partiers, beginning to sing randomly and at the top of their lungs. Choi Youngjae wandered into the kitchen where his crush was munching on stale potato chips and talking animatedly with a friend. And Jackson Wang sauntered outside, where he’d spotted his latest fuck-buddy shivering in the cold.

Mark Tuan followed Park Jinyoung over to the dining room table, where a heated game of beer pong had already begun. They both put their name in for next turn before Jinyoung moved to talk to one of his classmates, leaving Mark alone. He leaned against the wall and watched the current competitors, chuckling at the pure excited energy that seemed to buzz around you as you played.

You looked strangely yellow under the mediocre dining room lights, and it flattened the color of your hair considerably. Somewhere along the line, your lipstick had smeared (presumably against the rim of a solo cup) and there was a berry color crossing the line of your lip and down a little onto your chin. You were grinning hugely, your hair frizzy and flying about.

You were completely hammered. Already.

Mark watched for another minute more but realized that this round wasn’t close to winding down yet. So he left to refill his cup and ended up being gone for twenty minutes, having to force an intoxicated Jackson into an Uber. By the time he returned to the beer pong table, Jinyoung was already playing, having replaced you.

“Mark Tuan!” you cheered, spotting him. You tripped over your own feet as you walked around the table, stumbling towards him and eventually falling directly into his arms.

Mark, surprised by this sudden attack, fumbled with his solo cup and eventually let it slip. The now warm beer spilled down the front of your top. You pouted, your eyes hazy and unconcentrated from the intoxication.

“Just because you don’t like me very much,” you whined, “Doesn’t mean you have to ruin my clothes!” You stamped your foot obnoxiously until you seemingly forgot why it was you were stomping. You paused and looked up at him, grinning cutely at him suddenly. You took his jaw in your hand and squeezed, so his lips puckered together, you shook his head about roughly, “You’re so cute!” you squealed. You let go of his chin and twisted into his still outstretched arms, your back fitting snugly against his chest, “All the girls in Bio Chem are jealous of me! Because you’re my lab partner! They don’t know you’re a jerk! Who hates me,” you pouted again.

Mark chuckled at this turn of events, pushing upwards to try and get you standing upright, “I don’t hate you.”

“Yes you do,” you whined, standing up and facing him again, hitting his chest weakly with your palm, “You never talk to me,” your voice became high pitched and desperate, “I’m a really nice person! And I’m smart! I’m a great lab partner to have.”

“I know all that,” he said, taken aback at how his actions (or lack thereof) had been perceived, “You’re a great lab partner...perfect, even.”

“Well if you love me so much!” you shot back, a whiny tone infecting your voice, “Take me home.”

“Okay,” he sighed. Mark hooked an arm beneath yours to hold you upright. He waved at Jinyoung in a form of goodbye and started carrying you through the party, slowly. If he remembered correctly, your dorm was not too far from here, you could walk there. Plus, the fresh air would do you good.

The front door swung open and you took a step outside; the cool night air felt like a slap in the face and you shivered instantly. Mark squeezed your waist to hold you tighter as you descended the porch steps, ““How did I end up with all the drunk people tonight?” Mark said, thinking back to Jackson and all the rum he’d had.

“You’re just lucky that way,” you said snarkily, your head lolling to rest on his shoulder as you walked down the sidewalk towards the main campus. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him, a perfect view of his sharp jawline and perfect, dark hair, “Are you going to take advantage of me, Mark Tuan?”

“Not tonight,” he said, grinning down at you.

You giggled at his joke, your laughter quickly turning to a shiver as goosebumps appeared on your arms. Mark stopped walking and stood in front of you to get a better look, “Shit, you’ll get hypothermia in this weather,” he scowled. He slipped out of the varsity jacket he was wearing and held it out for you, “Put this on.”

Instead of taking the jacket you raised your arms, “Clothe me servant!” you commanded, giggling again. Mark rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless. He walked towards you and maneuvered your arms into the jacket, before buttoning it up around you.

You felt an immediate sense of comfort and warmth. You closed your eyes and smiled at the sensation, the sleeves falling past your hands. You cuddled into it further and said, “This is a powerful jacket.”

“Hmm?” Mark said, falling into stride next to you again. You were still drunk, but you seemed more capable of walking, but Mark didn’t want to let go, so he kept his arm around you.

“This is a panty-dropping jacket,” you said seriously, pursing your lips together. Mark laughed loudly and said -

“Why? Have you dropped yours?”

You snorted, “Pft! Yes. Like the first day we were paired up together,” you said honestly, too drunk to care, “You were wearing this jacket,” you poked yourself in the chest to demonstrate, “And those black skinny jeans that are super hot. And some vans, because cool kids wear vans.” The whole time you were deadly serious, but Mark found the whole thing hilarious. He was going to have to get your drunk again. You stopped walking and turned to look at him, inspecting him for a moment before saying, “And your hair was doing this perfect flippy thing.” You stood on your tiptoes and ran your fingers through his hair in an attempt to get it to do “the flippy thing.”

You leaned against him, your hand moving from his hair to his shoulder to steady yourself. You stayed in this position longer than necessary, staring at his lips for a long moment before looking into his eyes. You laughed softly, “If you kissed me right now, I would let you,” and then you closed your eyes and leaned in.

Mark watched you for a moment, his heart pounding. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. Your lips were right there and you were offering them to him. But...your first kiss with him needed to be memorable. And like he’d said, this was not the night he was going to be taking advantage of you.

“Not tonight,” he whispered, putting his hands on your shoulders and forcing you to stand fully on your feet.

“You do hate me,” you whined, a sick looking capturing your face. Mark was about to respond but he paused when he saw you. You covered your mouth with your hand before turning and bending double and vomiting all over the grass.

Mark paused for a long moment, before shaking his head in slight amusement and saying, “Let’s get you home.”

When you woke up the next day, it was mid-afternoon and it felt like an oven in your dorm room. You blinked awake and the action caused pain to vibrate through your head. When you changed your position in bed to avoid the light, a pool of drool that had accumulated on your pillow touched your cheek.

“Oh, gross,” you whined, sitting up and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Yes,” Jennie, your roommate, said, “Sleep well?”

Jennie was sitting at her desk with a pencil in her hand, watching you with amusement. You squinted at her and pulled your hair into a bun on top of your head. As you did so, you caught sight of something. A long sleeve in your school colors.

You put your hands down and examined your clothing - a varsity jacket. You covered your mouth with your hand, “Oh my god.”

“If you’re going to vomit, I’m going to leave.”

“No,” you said, shaking your head and smiling at your best friend’s snide comments, “This jacket.”

“Yup. Which of the jock-gods did you hook up with?” Jennie smirked, chewing on the end of her pencil.

You closed your eyes and massaged your temples, trying to move your headache aside long enough to remember anything about last night. God, you’d had so much to drink. Beside you, there was a faint shuffle, and you opened your eyes to find a water bottle and three aspirin on your nightstand.

“This might help,” Jennie said, sitting across from you on her own bed. You downed the aspirin with some water and started to retrace your steps last night -

“I was playing beer pong,” you said, “And losing...and then...Mark Tuan.”

“You screwed Mark Tuan!” Jennie squealed, “That’s so weird! He never sleeps around. It’s like he’s not interested in girls at all, I kinda thought he was gay…”

You sighed, the memories coming back, “He still might be. Nothing happened. Although...I may have asked him to kiss me. Ugh,” you groaned, collapsing onto your bed and covering your face with your hands in embarrassment.

“Well, I guess you have to give it back,” Jennie said, looking at the jacket as if it could bite her, “I’m starved. Want food?”

“Please.”

“Be back soon,” but before she’d closed the door she stuck her head back in the room and added, “Also, you should really text him, let him know you have his jacket,” she winked and the door clicked shut behind her.

You looked down at the jacket and contemplated your options. You thought about going to Mark’s practice to return the jacket but decided against it. The rumors of just carrying it around campus on Thursday before your lab would be enough of a hassle, you couldn’t deal with all of the cheerleaders and basketball players direct attention. But, in the meantime...you could still wear it, couldn’t you?

So, you kept it on as you pulled up Mark’s name in your messages. Your eyes scanned through your previous conversations and found the interactions lacking. The longest conversation was when you both had a project due in Bio Chem and were trying to work out details. And all of the messages had been short and to the point.

On the first day that you’d been assigned as Mark’s lab partner, you’d tried to be nice. You introduced yourself and tried to chat and make friends, but he’d sort of...shut you down. He didn’t really respond, and when he did his answers were clipped. You gave up trying after about a week, realizing that he must just not like you. As hard as that was to cope with, you decided just to push through until the end of the year.

Basically, typing this message...was entirely new ground.

Y/N

3:52PM: So...I have your jacket.

Your heart was racing as the little bloop sound signaled the message being sent. You pulled the sleeves of Mark’s jacket around your hands and crossed your arms over your chest. You watched your phone for any sign of a response, before registering the smell. It was the smell of the jacket - Mark’s smell. You’d never gotten close enough to him before now, but this had to be it.

It was a sharp cinnamon smell that seemed to wake you up, and alert all your senses. You inhaled it again, relishing in the delicious scent of cinnamon and something that must be pure Mark.

“What are you doing?”

The door clicked shut behind Jennie loudly, and you heard her place the bag on the desk. You opened your eyes slowly, raising your head from the inside of the jacket, where it had sunk in to smell it.

“Smelling…?”

“Oh my god,” Jennie said, rolling her eyes and handing you the food she’d gotten. You were about to take the offering, but instead, you jumped in surprise when your phone buzzed suddenly.

Mark Tuan

3:55PM: I know.

Y/N

3:56PM: I’ll just give it to you during lab on Thursday ?

Mark Tuan

3:57PM: Yeah

3:57PM: Unless

Y/N

3:57PM: Unless?

Mark Tuan

3:58PM: We could hang out…

3:58PM: Study? On Tuesday? After practice…

“Did he just ask you on a date?”

“No,” you said in disbelief, “He’s barely talked to me all semester.”

“Well say yes already!” Jennie swiped your phone from you as you fingers hesitated over the buttons, she typed a quick response and threw it back on the bed, “You’re welcome.”

Y/N

3:59PM: Yes! Pick me up at my dorm at 7!

“Jennie,” you groaned, horrified. She sank onto her bed with a burger in her hand, munching on it with a self-satisfied expression. She raised her eyebrows when another notification lit up your screen -

Mark Tuan

3:59PM: See you then :)

“He sent a smiley,” you said, astonished as you dug around the paper bag for your french fries. Jennie burst out laughing into her burger -

“He’s so awkward!”

Across campus, in the gym, sitting on the bench with a towel around his neck, Mark looked pensive as he stared at his phone. He’d debated sending the smiley and had ultimately chosen to do so. Yugyeom peeked over his shoulder and started chuckling.

Mark winced, grabbing the towel from around his neck and hitting the maknae with it, “Shut up.”

“You’re the most awkward person in the world.”

“Don’t I know it,” Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Tuesday morning was dark and overcast, clouds invading the sky in clumps of grey cotton candy. You eyed the varsity jacket hanging off the back of your chair warily. You’d stopped wearing it because it no longer smelled of cinnamon and Mark Tuan.

“Well, you know,” Jennie said, standing behind you suddenly, “Staring at it will make it disappear.”

“Shut up,” you said, pushing past her with a half smile to go to class.

But you were finished with class at one, which left you six hours to get ready. That was far too many hours, simply because it allowed the space for thoughts to invade. Lots and lots of thoughts. Would he try to kiss you? Would he try to do more? What were you going to do? What was he expecting? Was it going to be just as quiet as in class? Should you wear the jacket or just carry it with you?

“Wear the jacket,” Jennie said. She was laying on her stomach on her bed, a textbook open in front of her and her fuzzy-slippered feet in the air. She twirled the pink highlighter she was using in her fingers and said, “Definitely wear the jacket. It’s much...flirtier,” she said definitively, looking back down at her book and highlighting something.

You frowned at her and then you frowned at the jacket, which was still hanging off the back of your chair with a vengeance. You glanced at the clock, it was already 6:30 - time flies when you’re freaking out. You examined your appearance in the mirror again, tugging on the hem of the dress Jennie had picked out anxiously.

“Why are you so nervous anyway?” Jennie wondered, looking up at you again, “One, you look hot, mostly in thanks to me,” you rolled your eyes, “And two, it’s not like you haven’t gone out with guys before. This won’t be any different.”

“Feels different,” you muttered, sitting next to her on the bed.

“Why? Because he’s a ‘jock-god’?” she made air quotes around the popularly used phrase on campus.

“Maybe?” you wondered, feeling defeated, “I don’t know. He’s just...it’s just...I don’t know how to describe it. It feels different.” You looked at her hopelessly, opening your mouth to add something more, when a sudden clap of thunder scared you both. Jennie held a hand to her chest in fright, looking out the window to see a streak of lightning blaze the sky.

Jennie looked back at you with her eyebrows raised, “Wear the jacket because it’s cold and raining.”

Mark parked his car outside of your dorm and cursed himself for not bringing an umbrella. There was a steady drizzle out, and he suspected that it was nowhere near ready to let up. He got out of the car and sat against the hood, texting you quickly that he was out front.

You appeared two minutes later, toting your heavy school bag and...wearing his varsity jacket. You blushed immediately upon seeing him, fidgeting with the article nervously. He hadn’t had a chance the other night, what with trying to keep you vertical, to really see you in his jacket.

Now though...Mark was astonished. His heart thumped heavily against his rib cage, and despite the cool temperature outside his palms were sweating. You were beautiful, of course, you always were, but wearing his clothes...you were downright sexy.

Mark remembered your drunken words the other night, “Are you going to take advantage of me?”

“Not tonight,” he’d responded. But boy, if he could choose a moment…

“Hi,” you blushed, tucking your hair behind your ear and looking away from him. Mark closed his gaping mouth and stuttered -

“Oh, um, here,” he walked to the passenger side and opened the door for you. You slid into the seat gracefully, holding your book bag in your lap and waiting. But Mark stood awkwardly in the door for a second, in awe that this was actually happening and that you looked this good and that you were wearing his varsity jacket.

But he finally willed his legs to move and slipped into the driver’s seat with ease. He started the car and almost as soon as he did so rain began pelting the windows of the car with heavy thumps. You both listened to the sound for a moment before you changed the subject - 

“So where are you taking me?” 

“Um,” he stuttered, avoiding your gaze, “It’s a surprise.” 

The ride to the restaurant was awkward and tense, the echo of the rain hitting the car windows the only sound. You were so nervous you thought you could vomit. You thought back to your conversation with Jennie - why was this any different from the other guys you’d gone out with? After all, you were just meant to be studying, maybe nothing was going to happen at all!

But...glancing over at Mark, his profile lit by the light from the passing buildings and street lamps...it wasn’t the same. Of course, you’d been nervous when going out generally but this was Mark Tuan. And it wasn’t because he was a ‘jock-god,’ although he was, it was so much more than that.

You’d watched him in class, and at the games. He was more than just the strong and silent one of the jock-god posse. He was funny, hilarious, at games he was always joking around with his teammates. And if you remember correctly, drunk though you were, at the party he’d been sarcastic and entertaining. In class, he was focused and committed. He had to work hard for his grades, but you admired his dedication. And he was nice. Jennie was right when she said that he didn’t sleep around, but he wasn’t cold or rude or cruel, he let people down gently, you sensed that he didn’t like disappointing people. You got the feeling that his silence masked millions of thoughts.

And just like that, you realized, this felt different because over the course of the semester...you’d talked yourself into falling in love with Mark Tuan, despite the cold shoulder he’d been giving you.

If at all possible, the car ride became more awkward and the rain poured even harder.

Mark was tense, muscles-rigid-and-stiff tense. His knuckles were white from his grip on the steering wheel, and he could not bring himself to look away from the road. Not even to turn on the radio, which might have eased things a bit.

The whole time he was telling himself to cut it out: She already thinks you don’t like her. That you hate her. You have to talk! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But there were too many things he wanted to say. So instead...he didn’t. He couldn’t even imagine where to begin, because how do you tell someone, on the first date no less, that you’d basically fallen in love with them?

Silent as he was, Mark was attentive, especially when it came to things he was passionate about. And if he was passionate about anything, it was you. Well...you and basketball. He knew about your friends, and your hobbies, and your favorite foods. He knew that you couldn’t study with music on because you found it too distracting. He knew that when you tapped your fingers on the table you were bored, but when you tapped your pencil you were frustrated. He even knew what it looked like when something would click for you in class - this sudden brightness on your face, like an exploding star.

Mark got so caught up in the little details over the semester, that he’d basically become this hopeless, sappy mess who pined after you day and night. It was very pathetic. Mostly because the opportunity had arisen for him to do something and he couldn’t fucking speak.

You pulled up to this dinky little hole-in-the-wall, with a fading neon sign advertising Chinese food. You raised your eyebrows at his choice, surprised because you loved dinky little hole-in-the-wall restaurants. They usually had the best food.

“Here we are,” he said, almost absently as he took the key out of the ignition, He drummed his hands against the steering wheel, and glanced outside at the raining pouring down. He offered an explanation, “This is my favorite place to study. Plus, we can wait out the rain here.” 

“Oh,” you said, quiet but pleased. Mark sat back in his chair, still drumming his fingers against the wheel, consumed with thoughts about whether or not he should open your door for you.

You both sat there for another few moments before you finally spoke again, “I guess...we should get out?”

“Yup.”

You both grabbed your study materials and used them to protect your heads as you went inside. A bell dinged as you opened the door, the waitress and chef looking up from their respective tasks and smiling hugely at Mark. They waved and started speaking rapidly in excited Chinese. You didn’t understand a word of it, but you gathered that Mark was a regular customer.

You sat down and put your bag on the chair next to you, “You know Chinese?”

Mark nodded, sliding the menu they’d given him to the side of the table without even glancing at it, “My parents are from Taiwan.”

“Oh,” you said, focusing on the menu. Already you’d discovered something you hadn’t already known about him. Not that you knew all that much to begin with - besides the whole jock-god thing.

“What’s good?” you wondered, looking up at him desperately. He smiled at you so that his pointy canine teeth peeked out. It was very endearing, his smile. You thought, absently, that you’d do pretty much anything to see it again.

“Can I order for you?”

“Please,” you grinned, “Take the pressure off.”

Mark called politely to the waitress in Chinese and spoke quickly to her about your orders, she seemed to already know what he was getting and the whole conversation took less than a minute. You gaped at him the whole time, entirely impressed at this new found language skill.

“So you come here often?” you joked, following his example and pulling out your Bio Chem textbook and your notebook. Mark shrugged absently, leafing through the pages to find the assignment for Thursday.

“I come here to study sometimes, it’s quiet,” he said, “And good food,” he smiled again, and again your heart sort of flopped over and gave in to him. He tapped his pencil against the table and added, “Plus, it reminds me of my parents.”

“They don’t live here?” you wondered, eyebrows raising in shock.

“No,” he shook his head, his hair falling on his face and covering his eyes in an artful rendition of vulnerable. If possible, your feelings only grew. He explained, “My parents live in LA. I only see them during breaks and away games.”

“Oh,” you said, “That sucks.”

He chuckled at your response, looking back down at his book, “So what did you get for number 12? I feel like I did it wrong…”

It went on this way for most of the night. It felt very...natural. Nothing about the interaction was forced, despite the tension there’d been in the car. When the food came, you pushed aside your books and talk about Bio-Chem, and you just...shared.

You told Mark about Jennie and why you’d chosen to go to school here and your parents and what you were studying and your thoughts on Justin Bieber...anything and everything that came to mind.

The waitress had swiped your empty dishes without either of you noticing, and when she finally peeked her head out of the kitchen and called out to Mark in soft Chinese, Mark glanced at his watch and said, “Damn. It’s almost midnight,” he glanced out the window, “Oh, and the rain has stopped.”

You glanced at the front door and noticed that the Open sign had been turned off, “We stayed past close?”

Mark shrugged, standing to collect his books and things, “She lets me sometimes, as long as I don’t get in her way and I don’t make a mess.”

You laughed and packed up your things, watching him as he walked over to the kitchen to talk to the waitress. He squeezed her arm and shook hands with the chef, talking quietly with them for a few minutes. He was so relaxed and at ease here, and you realized that this was really the first time you were witnessing that. This was home for him, at least a little, and you realized how deep beneath the surface all of this was, how deep beneath his silence. And how lucky you were to have seen it.

At school, he was the jock-god, the strong and silent one. Here he was relaxed and funny and chatty. He was open and warm. This was definitely different than the other dates.

When he dropped you off at the dorm, he got out of the car to walk you to the entrance. You stood at the foot of the front steps, toeing your shoe into the ground and waiting. He had to kiss you. If he didn’t kiss you’d basically die.

“This was...fun,” he said, smiling and scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” you grinned.

“I hope you know now that I don’t hate you,” he smirked.

“Hate you?” your brow furrowed in confusion, “I never said-” you stopped short, suddenly remembering what you’d said to him at the party that night.

“You also said that if I wanted to kiss you,” he stepped forward, so that his lips hovered over yours, “You’d let me.”

“I would,” you whispered, tilting your head up.

“Good,” he whispered, pressing his lips to yours in a soft, passionate kiss. You moved your head for more access and he tangled a hand in your hair, pulling you closer.

His tongue had just poked your bottom lip teasingly, waiting for an invitation, when a sharp wolf-whistle shattered the atmosphere. You pulled apart, blushing and looking away from each other, as the other students passed.

“So,” you grinned, high from the amazing kiss, “We should do this again,” you walked backward up the stairs.

Mark grinned again, watching you happily as you ascended the stairs goofily. But his expression turned serious suddenly, he pointed to you and said, “You’re still wearing it.” He couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his lips.

You looked down in shock. You’d been wearing the jacket all night? That had not been the plan. You’d planned on giving it to him the moment you saw him…oops.

“As amazing as you look in it,” Mark said, eyeing your figure up and down, “There’s a pep rally tomorrow and JB will kill me if I don’t wear it.”

“Of course,” you blushed, walking back down the steps and undoing the jacket. You took it off and handed it to him.

“Good night,” he whispered, leaning down to press his lips to yours again. You giggled happily, like a child, before returning the sentiment. Mark watched you go back up the stairs with a contented smile before you turned around and said -

“You just wanted to kiss me again, huh?”

Mark’s smiled widened to a happy grin, “Maybe.”

“Good.”

a/n: tbh mark is my bias which is probs why this one is so good~~