#and ive been practicing this human thing for like 2 months

[snowberai]

Curiosity..

HELLOO!

crappy and lazy comic thingy that gets progressively even lazier was brought to you by me! And my rotting brain!

I have no idea how to make comics or scenarios, but like THREE of them has popped up in my brain and wont freaking leave my thinking property unless i drew at least ONE of those three scenarios. It’s like making a deal with the devil with how my brain works sometimes.

anyway,

GRUMPY SECLUDED ARCTIC Y/N SUPREMACY

i loved the idea of this little goober with tons of warm fluff living in the arctic/tundra with no social tolerance whatsoever, imagine their frustration if they ever interact with Endermoon. (Spoiler alert: He only knows how to speak/write Enderman, HAHAHA)

Idk if this counts as a WIP, but i guess it’ll just be a crappy thing in my blog now, hope y’all like-y and hope it tickles your brain at least a LITTLE bit. (/j)

[yourmoonie]

Hello! I love your blog! Ive been trying (I know we dont try but that's the word I can think of for this rn) to manifest but I'm having a little but of an issue. I know a lot of people say think in your favor, embody the person in imagination and dismiss the 3d. And I've been but I havent received my manifestation in the 3d for months. Ive also heard people say to feel the wish fulfilled but I've been on strong medication so I can't really "feel" in a sense. I know I can manifest, I practice witchcraft but a part of me is still doubting the law. 😭 I know that's a lot and I'm sorry I was just really hoping I'd have my desires before the new year.

Hey darling

Thank you for the question

I mean, if you want to check the 3D, it's your right, but do we really have to remind ourselves every 2 seconds that we have got slippers at home? (Just an example), No! we don't, because we know we have them, even if you are 2 hours away from home and have different shoes on you still are IN THE KNOWING that you have got those slippers.

Can you remember my cat example? If not, here is the link

When we talk about a feeling we don't mean an emotion

Emotion is the byproduct

Emotions are neither good nor bad

Emotions are just there

But FEELING is different

Feeling = inner knowing

You don't need to have billions in your account to walk in this world as a wealthy person (everything starts from inner knowing)

Because wealth is a mindset it's not about money

Nobody is holding you from entering a specific building and feeling like you own the building

Nobody is holding you back from experiencing whatever you want within

Also about the 3D:

- You are free to acknowledge what's going on in the 3D, don't put your human wants and needs on hold "just because you are ' manifesting' " live your life. You aren't going to "ignore" the 3D. What you are going to do is "become indifferent towards the said circumstances." this means that you are simply not going to "identify" with them or let them get in your and your desires' way.

- also just be in the present moment. That's all that you can truly do, be in the present moment, and know that you and your desires are ONE. You wouldn't be "desiring" something if it wasn't "meant" for you

- You aren't "ignoring" you are just "choosing" to see things differently and well according to your awareness things shift

- When you order a coffee, do you go up to the barista every 2 seconds and ask where your coffee is? I am pretty sure you don't

Your assumptions about yourself and your reality shift your character and your world

So it's like, "If you see and treat yourself like a queen, that's how you are going to be perceived" like is there anything else you need to do ? No because being a queen is a STATE of mind/ a state of being

It's simple

Neville has 3 really powerful sayings about this topic:

1. Doubt is the only force capable of disturbing the seed or impression; to avoid a miscarriage of so wonderful a child, walk in secrecy through the necessary interval of time that it will take the impression to become an expression. Tell no man of your spiritual romance. Lock your secret within you in joy, confident, and happy that someday you will bear the son of your lover by expressing and possessing the nature of your impression. Then will you know the mystery of “God said, Let us make man in our image.

2. So go out wisely today – go out determined to become more selective, more discreet in your choice of ideas you will entertain and single out the idea that would bless an individual and produce in yourself the emotional response that you have witnessed that state in his world, and know at that moment of response, you planted for that individual, and he is rooted in you, there is no such thing as he will not be found in your world for he is rooted in you. Everyone is rooted in you – therefore you will not lose them. It is planted relative to that being, and that being is going to harvest it, and you will know the harvest when it appears in his world. You simply plant and let the harvest take care of itself.

3. This is a reminder for you to realise that it is done. Once pregnant, you don’t need to wonder how you just need to know that you have been impregnated by your wish fulfilled. Once the seed is planted, we must let it grow in the darkness of the soil. It cannot see the sun and the darkness around it shows a reality of not being a beautiful flower but surely enough if you let it grow with the assumption of being that flower even in the darkness then it shall see the sun and bloom ever so brightly. When you stop digging up the seed after planting it, then it will have time to grow. You seek validation of how and when too often, and if you remained faithful, then you will give birth to your wish fulfilled in this physical reality. No longer will your wish fulfill miscarriage or never sprout. You will bloom in full awareness of your wish fulfilled as if it was so natural you didn’t even know it was your own creation. It was meant to be. So let it be. Your reality may be dark now, but as you remain faithful to your wish fulfilled, you shall know inside yourself that you already are that flower and that you already have given birth. When you experience it in your mind, you have already experienced it in your mind you have already experienced in your reality. When you feel it real with the sense, then it must be real in this physical world. You are God, and this is your world pushed out. A private dream for you to express yourself. Your awareness is the answer to all of your questions. As you walk through life, you are constantly dropping seeds into the soil that you walk upon. Which ones do you water with your awareness and let be? And which ones do you keep digging up?

[dejaroze]

Big fat rant about nothing, just me yapping about TOH’s ending under the cut🦟

Okay so obviously I have massive witterot but like it’s so severe like I’m so ill about 2 fictional dead guys and one has committed serval acts of genocide but HES HOT SO HEAR ME OUT

I wish we got more content regrading the trio ( Caleb,Philip, and Evelyn ) because all we got were the pictures in hollow mind, and even that wasn’t much. Like yeah, we know what happened, partially. And that’s only Philips POV too, so this part of the fandom is literally just living off of scraps

Call me crazy but, I think TOH would’ve been better if there wasn’t a happy ending. I am so tired of happy endings in shows, like if they’re executed well then I enjoy them, but if TOH was for a slightly older age group and didn’t end in sunshine and rainbows, I would’ve been so happy. Please let the villain win for once, that’s all I ask.

That’s not even me being biased about Belos and stuff, just genuinely, how did this man with centuries of experience get overthrown by a 15 year old girl who didn’t even have to do that much to earn it? Luz found out about glyphs like a week into the demon realm?! Excuse me?! Like I do sort of understand since Eda is a wild witch n all, she might’ve practiced this stuff before hand or May have books about it, but it’s clearly stated in s1 ep4 that she doesn’t know how witches used to do magic?

And even then that raises questions, did Belos completely erase the existence of glyphs from the public eye? Are there no books about this stuff? Did he just destroy all records of this stuff? And how did he do that? Was it before or after he became emperor? Because all we know is that he’s been in power for a little over 50 years out of the maybe 350-400 he tried to recruit people to his cause. How do people not question how this man stays alive?! We don’t know for sure how long witches live, and even if they do live that long in the sense they don’t questions Belos’s age, then wouldn’t some people from the 1600-1700s still be alive to call him out on his bs?

This is why if we had info on how long witches live, it would help plan the timeline out so much more.

Witches seem to age like humans do though, so I assume they would live 80 years on average like humans? Because Edas mom, depending on how old she was when she had Lilith, is actually the age most people would be when their kids are 40 or so.

ive had this in my head for awhile, I might be overanalyzing this quote but in s1 ep13, Principal Bump says “Only 300 years till retirement” but in the finale, 4 years later, he’s seen being retired. So maybe time runs differently in the demon realm? Or that quote could’ve been a joke, but still, that’s a thing.

Back to Luz’s magic development though, in the matter of like 2 months, she learned all 4 of the main glyphs meanwhile Philip learned them way later. Now yes, I know Philip did say “it’s almost as if the Titan wanted to keep them hidden from me.” BUT this raises another question!

Did Philip only start learning glyphs AFTER CALEBS DEATH? Because we know the Titan can look over the isles through the middle realm, and maybe he knew Philips intentions weren’t pure so he hid the glyphs, but also how does he still have the power to do that if he’s assumably been dead for thousands of years? I mean clearly it didn’t work, but it still hid them to some extent.

And when did Philip change his identity? We can assume it’s after he met the collector, but did the collector tell him to do all of that? HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN PLANNING THIS? Has he been planning this even before Caleb’s death? You would assume so.

My god this whole timeline is fucked

[alyx-the-witch]

Its sunday✨ lets talk about apollo!

I’ve been worshipping him for just over a year, and i made my pledge to him about 6 or 7 months ago. ill admit he isnt my patron, that spot is saved for Hestia, but he is fun to worship and work with.

ive found that he really loves yellow. almost everything i have on his altar is yellow. He also likes citrine, sunstone, and honeycomb calcite. for his altar i have a small crow figurine, a pack of cards i use for divination, an offering bowl, a honeycomb calcite necklace, a small instrument i forgot the name of, a citrine tree, and 2 candles, one is yellow and scentless, and the other is orange and smells like citrus.

he feels very warm and fun, and loves to mess around. ive found hes forgiving, and understands that sometimes as humans we falter, and thats ok.

Ways i worship:

🌻wearing yellow

🌻watching the sunrise and sunset

🌻growing sunflowers

🌻singing

🌻dancing

🌻playing instruments and reading music

🌻supporting the lgbtq+ community (im part of that community so this one isn’t hard)

🌻praying to him

🌻practicing my divination and trusting my intuition

🌻drinking citrus juices

🌻offering the best part of my meal to him

🌻lighting a candle and providing a space for him on my altar

As always, keep in mind you need nothing material to worship the gods. i am very privileged to be able to give the gods material things, but its okay if you cant. you can worship with nothing but your thoughts. Also, everyone’s practice is different, and i would love to hear about yours! feel free to ask me questions, tell me about your practice, or even just tell me about you! have a fantastic sunday and tomorrow i will talk about Apollo’s twin, Artemis!

[tunawithsoysauce]

Stuff you might wanna know :3

about ~me~

Name: Finn/Todd Henriksson

Age: 13 (2011)

Swedish, third generation Finnish

Weird

Transboy

Bisexual

👆 the main stuff. Scroll for a bit more detailed bullshit.

▪︎I LOVE MUSIC!!! I go to a music highschool, my parents are musicians and I love singing and playing french horn. Fun thing, right!?

▪︎I'M TRANS (wow!) I'm transmasc, and have been as long as I can remember (I came out at eight, I believe?) And my pronouns are he/him! I'm a boy. Only boy.

▪︎I USUALLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING (wha) I don't know what im doing. Most of the time. Id like to believe im kind and try to be good, but you know. It is what it is.

▪︎HAIR DYE AND ROCKS! (lmao what) i love dying my hair. And rocks. Not cool rocks. Just... rocks.

▪︎ART!!!! (YIPPIE !) I love drawing and writing and stuff like that. Very fun. Its like the only thing I do haha

▪︎NERD!!! (OFc) I love fixating on stuff. Which leads me to our next segment...

▪︎Interests (online)

The main ones AREEEE: *drumroll*

1. Doctor who! (My sister used to love it. She showed me it all and now im as big a nerd as she is.)

2. Sherlock holmes! (Or Sherlock & co. Both. Mostly just the novels. The BBC show if you make me.)

3. Good omens! Or Neil gaiman in general! (He's very cool)

Eeeeh otherwise im very obsessed with loads of stuffs. Just. Ask me if ive seen something, ill probably have.

Family!

▪︎Mum & dad! (My mum's mean sometimes. Not all the time. She can be good. She’s just... she has a diffrent way of loving.) (Dad! He's amazing. I love him.)

▪︎ main siblings! (I have two fully bio siblings. Otto, and Ruben. Otto is 6 and Ruben is 14. Otto is silly, my big brother is amazing. He's my true rolemodel :))

▪︎ half siblings (I DONT ACTUALLY CALL THEM HALF SIBLINGS)

A) -Anna!! She's the one im closest to. She’s the youngest (26) and has a cat and a fiancee (Jim.) Jim's cool. Very silly. He's also sort of a role model, for me. He's been in my life for all of it, I think? My sister had a boyfriend before that. He was very quiet. Anna is very nice and I love having sleepovers with her. She was also the one who introduced me to Doctor who!! We always have so much fun. She really likes the beatles. Don't know why I put that there. She just really likes them. Felt important.

B) Malin!! My middle big sister. She’s awesome, and She’s got a whole family. A husband (He's amazing and so so so smart i literally think he's so cool) which i think is very rad, and my neice !!! He's called Einar. He's 3. He calls me "uncle Todd" (AJSKSJJDKD)

C) My biggest brother Mattias. He's quiet, but also very awesome. His girlfriend is very nice too. She has green hairdye in her hair. :3)

▪︎FRIENDS!!!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

This includes:

1. Leija! We met in the beginning of fourth grade. She’s weird like me. And awesome. I love her.

2. Elsa!!! She's been my best friend all my life. Our mums know eachother. She’s kind and beautiful and always makes me happy.

3. Elvira!!! My mandatory lesbian friend. That's a joke. She’s cool. And very nice. She never speaks ill of anyone. She’s truly the kindest human ever.

4. Sofie!!! A non-binary chaos machine. I love them. They're always a joy to be around.

5. Max!!! My absolute best friend. He's amazing even though we barely met even a year ago. I visit him frequently.

5. Jack!!! (Love interest? Kind of dating?)

Side characters (wtf)

▪︎My therapist!! She's called Emma. Uh.

▪︎My father figure!!! Otto. Not to be confused with my little brother.

▪︎ My Swedish teacher!! I just think she's awesome. She’s also called Anna. Not to be confused with my sister.

▪︎ All my finnish friends! Jesus christ if I named all of the finnish blokes ive befriended id die typing.

▪︎ this random dude I met on reddit i haven't talked to for two months :D

▪︎Sofia!! A lady at my school. She’s awesome. She’s practically my step mum. She’s held me while I cried in the nurses office more than I can think.

▪︎ uhm

Hobbies!!

Mondays: french horn B)

Tuesdays: dancing!! (With Elvira:))

Wednesdays: orchestra!! (French horn)

Thursdays: TSS!! (A place you can hang out at)

Fridays: bugging my music teacher and playing drums with my bassist friend until I get kicked out!

School

As previously mentioned i go to a music school. We have music everyday. Its awesome.

I love swedish, music, art, english, french, and history.

I hate P.E, math, science and homeroom.

Bye :33

[ppnuggie]

𝙑𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙀

　　『　female human reader + tailgate 』

　　— chapter 2

　　— getting to see some more interactions going on👀👀 also another thing ive noticed when reading mtmte fics ,, ppl dont take in the different times that happen on different planets ,, like on one planet it could be that every minute is 50 years on earth or smt 🥴

　　＜　one , two , four , five ＞

so far it was nice. interesting ,, to say the least. a lot has happened already in the past few months according to swerve. he was one of the minicons on the ship ,, and apparently was running a bar without the captains knowing. he talked quite a lot though ,, yet it didnt bother you for a minute unlike others. he was also apparently a big fan of humans ,, or had a big obsession with them.

        you didnt get it ,, why he liked humans so much. there wasnt anything special ,, other than the fact that theyre smaller and organic ,, compared to the metal titans of the ship. there were three other minicons you'd come across. rewind ,, tailgate ,, and pipes were their names ,, and they were said to be quite old. older than your own planet that is.

        pipes was quite generous ,, always offering to give you a lift to different places after and before meetings. he was good company ,, always listening and giving some actual good advice unlike others.

        though they treated you well ,, better than some mechs on board that is. rodimus kept calling you 'that human' or 'little guy' ,, and more than once has a mech mistaken you for a pet. it was degrading to say the least ,, so knowing that theres a few that treated like an actual being made it a little better. those four weren't the only ones you'd seen or come across.

        you've made good progress becoming somewhat of an acquaintance to some others on the ship. those bots being rung ,, skids ,, blaster ,, and ratchet. rung was the psychiatrist of the ship ,, a therapist if you will. skids was someone suffering with amnesia and blaster was the life of a party. a bit passive aggressive to some ,, but he waa quite nice towards you. he did say he's met humans before ,, interacted with them ,, befriended them. hes chill if anything ,, more of the type to just go with the flow.

and ratchet ,, hes old and seen it all. hes been through hell and back ,, seen more than you would from a snuff film. or multiple snuff films at that. hes really the only medic on board ,, working his aft off from day to night. you pity the poor mech ,, though he already scolded you about that.

you've met others on board. cyclonus ,, trailcutter ,, whirl unfortunately ,, chromedome ,, and brainstorm. percepter as well ,, but you rarely see the mech. hes usually locked up in his lab digging his nose in god knows what. or hes usually chasing brainstorm out of his lab. it reminded you of how siblings would act ,, not that you had siblings but you've definitely witnessed their relationships before.

        whirl and you had a run in at swerve's bar ,, the mech practically storming in and cussing everyone out. then he had saw you and now you've practically become the one person whom he solemnly seeks out for god knows what. it's different everyday. " lets blow up perceptor's lab ." or " lets scratch a spike onto ultra magnus's desk ." were the latest ones this past week.

        you'd like to think you and chromedome are somewhat acquainted or well ,, you know him somewhat. especially considering how often you hang out with rewind and how often chromedome is attached to the minicon. he doesnt talk too much ,, nor does he really do much. youve got a basic understanding of him so far. a mnemosurgen who doesnt stop what he does ,, despite his many promises towards rewind.

        poor minicon always rants about it to you ,, how he could easily end up dead one day from it all. or how its bad for him ,, the memories and the nightmares he gets. you feel bad ,, yet there wasnt a thing you could really even do.

        cyclonus you met through tailgate. he also didn't talk much ,, just giving a gruff or a nod every now and then. when he did speak ,, his voice was deep and gruff ,, yet calming as though he were about to sing a lullaby. his face reminded you of a skeleton ,, a human skeleton. how his cheeks had that sharp look to them ,, and the sharp edges of his chin didnt help either. yet it also seemed like his armor was similar to that of a samurai.

        trailcutter you've seen at swerve's bar ,, usually drowning in his sorrows and always going about his forcefields and whatnot. hes usually seen hanging around with skids. you've given him a greeting or two when you did have the time. he always talked about how this 'hound' guy would love to meet you ,, the mech apparently having a fascination with humans and earth itself.

        thinking back on it ,, you did make good progress being aboard the lost light. made a few friends and some soon to be friends. no enemies yet ,, thankfully ,, or that would pretty much ruin the 'human-cybertronian' relationship you were working towards for your 'bosses' on earth. you tried as often as you could to send them reports and updates ,, trying to keep on top of your work. yet time worked differently in space and different places.

        right at the spot youre in right now ,, every day is a hour on earth. you were somewhat struggling to keep up with work ,, yet it was becoming a bit overbearing. rung has offered to help you with the stress ,, as he was a psychiatrist and it was his job to help those in need ,, whether he was on duty or not. the more you thought about visiting the orange mech ,, the more you wanted to send a message.

        the datapad stared at you ,, words meaningless the more you stared. with a huff ,, you gave into temptations ,, setting aside the datapad and giving a quick message to rung ,, saying you'd drop by real quick for a small chat. he wasnt busy as of the moment anyways ,, probably pondering his little ships or something nerdy.

the walk wasnt too far either ,, so you didnt bother asking pipes for a lift. he was probably at swerve's around this time anyways ,, laughing it up with some of the other bots on board.

stopping right in front of rung's office ,, you looked up at the tall door and stepped in front of it. the door slid open slowly ,, revealing the inside. all neat and organized ,, not a single mess in sight ,, with the mech himself observing on his ark ships on his desk. his helm popped up ,, before a smile had danced across his derma. he stood up from his desk and made his way towards you.

" (y/n) ,, how nice to see you ,," he greeted ,, opening his hand for you to stand on. you gave a brief nod ,, climbing on and watching as he made his way towards his previous spot. " its nice to see you as well ,, i hope you dont mind that ive stopped here for a moment ?" you tilted your head to the side.

" not at all ! ive grown quite fond of out little conversations ,, in fact . what brings you here today ?" his smile was soft ,, eyes shining under the light. his glasses were set aside on the desk ,, letting you see his face fully. " nothing much ,, just got tired of doing work is all ." you gave a small shrug. he hummed ,, before giving a response. " you're not overworking yourself again are you ?"

you shook your head and hands quickly ,, " no no ! ive been taking breaks and eating my meals !" rung nodded ,, giving a chuckle ,, " good ,, i wouldnt want to have to report you to ratchet again ."

" please no ,," you fake pleaded ,, " not again ,, one time was enough !" you laughed quietly at the memory. it wasnt too long ago rung found out you had been overworking yourself to near death. he was fast to report it to ratchet ,, who in turn ,, stole all your datapads and pushed food packed with vitamins and calories at you. he said he wouldnt give your datapds back unless you had eaten and taken proper care of yourself.

it took a while ,, but ratchet finally gave your datapads back. that was the last time you would show or tell someone you were being overworked. whilst it felt nice ,, having someone fret and worry over you. yet it made you behind on work ,, and proved bothersome. these little lies of you not being overworked wont hurt anyone though ,, so long as you kept a positive attitude and showed up to things.

your conversation with rung seemed to fly by ,, having talked about his latest findings to things about the past or new human songs he's come across. he is quite fond of them ,, and the literature. hes more into the older authors ,, ones from more than a few years ago. from his recent choices ,, you'd have to introduce him to osamu dazai one day.

though rung had a patient coming soon ,, and with that you left his office ,, feeling much better than before. your relationship with him was growing more ,, maybe even becoming one of his few actual friends on the ship. instead of some who only acknowledge him by his job ,, instead of the mech outside of being a psychiatrist.

with a final goodbye ,, you sauntered out of the office and casted your gaze to the window. a galaxy ,, one you werent sure of ,, was passing by. you could see the sun in it ,, a super giant ,, almost blindingly bright it was. the planets orbiting nonetheless beautiful. there werent many ,, only five of them. yet ,, they were all unique. with a small smile ,, you took a quick photo and headed back towards your habsuite.

[quimbionics]

hellllo i would like to learn about iris ,,,, she seems very cool

OH MY GOD HI. HELLO. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

OK THERE IS SO. much. abt her that i don't think i can condense into a single post but here are the basics:

art credits : 1. 2. 3.

" Hey. I know this sounds sort of silly, but.. do you believe in fate? "

" Quiet, calculative, and pacifistic – Iris Williams can only be described as an exceptionally timid girl. Riddled with social anxiety and constant self-doubt, Iris shies away from all instances that involve human interaction, no matter how brief or inconsequential; instead, she is drawn to seclusion, preferring to keep to herself on most occasions as to not disrupt others with her awkward and, according to her – largely insignificant presence. She struggles to view herself as anything particularly valuable in comparison to others around her, having been used to being treated as a miniscule priority practically her entire life.

Despite her aversion to people, she possesses a particularly strange penchant for love – falling for nearly any individual that crosses her path. "

. ♡  .

on a surface level, she's your typical shy girl archetype! up there ^ is a slightly-edited excerpt from her personality doc, which is honestly sort of outdated but serves fine as a synopsis i think

she has a special connection to romance in particular, and not only is she obsessed with the romance genre, she's internalized so much of the idealized over the years that she falls in love easily as a result. as for her role in mighty med, she's essentially the third addition to the kaz & oliver duo – landing a job at the hospital not long after meeting them, as her instant infatuation for kaz and desire to share interests spurred her on to start reading comics.

i'm still working out when exactly she'd be introduced into the timeline, but my general idea for her is that she comes in around mid-s1 and starts a character arc mid-s2 that bleeds into elite force abt how meeting k&o basically changed her life! and speaking of elite force..

. ♡  .

art credits : @sketchycc

" From saving the people who save people to becoming the people who save people.. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd wind up here. I thought I could never hope to call myself a hero – but you.. you proved me wrong. Thank you, for everything. "

aside from the first half of season 1, iris was present for everything. which means, just like k&o, she obtained superpowers from the arcturion! her main ability is electrokinesis, but you can find a complete list of all of her current powers here.

. ♡  .

other miscellaneous trivia that i couldnt quite fit anywhere else are as follows:

adores cute things! she wears all kinds of cutesy pins on her doctor's coat that change every episode – sometimes they even foreshadow the episode itself, similar to leo's graphic tee's

collects all kinds of plushies. she has a mountain of them on her bed

dots her i's with hearts

has a v blatant heart motif in general

she's autistic, but is in huge denial abt it due to being undiagnosed and unknowingly masking her entire life. chase has ripped out an alarming amount of hair trying to explain this her

she loves sweaters – she's never seen without one, even in the warmer months. they're a huge comfort for her and the bulk of her paychecks go exclusively to her sweater collection

loves animals, especially cats

she has a diary. kaz goes through people's personal belongings. iris knows this. and so, in a brilliant move, she changes kaz's name to chaz whenever she writes about her crush on him, and for awhile it works – so well, in fact, that it backfires catastrophically when an actual chaz saunters into the hospital

her backstory doc + face claim are available here. all trigger warnings are labeled accordingly, but as the subject matter is rather heavy, i still advise you that you proceed with caution

[just-nothing-forever]

okay im high right now and i always have the most profound thoughts when im high and this time im writing them down so i can actually fucking REMEMBER and DO SOME THING ABOUT IT

so im in this kinda intensive therapy thing, it’s 5 days a week, 5 hours a day. Ive been in it for like 2 months now

and im trying to get better, im trying to get back on track but its so hard when you dont really see a future. like, im not totally “the world is gonna end anymoment” like i was back when i was really depressed, but i still can’t really see any kinda future for me

im talking to this career advisor at the place, just kinda discussing options

but thats not the most important part

i just thought, i need to make this using substances not part of my daily routine..it should be a little “treat myself” things. I need to get out of here a start trying to make a life for myself. I have so much time that a waste to just feeling good. Who knows when the end of the world will happen, could be 50 years from now. I know the pandemic was kinda a sign but, human life is short compared to mother nature. She could take a 100 years to make us go extinct. I do kinda believe the pandemic was the first wave but,,, who knows how long the next thing will appear to wipe out millions of us

kind of a pessimistic view point i know but, its the thing thats keeping me alive for now. we watched a ted talk or some kinda documentary in one of the groups and there was a lady who got her face smashed in by a car, she lived but her face was damaged forever, she had to have many surgeries for it. she said during that time she said “just give it 6 months and then i’ll kill myself.” and she waited and in 6 months things got better and she didn’t wanna kill herself anymre so,,, gotta give yourself a reason to live i guess?

i still dont know exactly what my purpose is either, we talked about that in therapy too. I dont know if i wanna get in the animation or gaming industry. But that’s what i have a degree in. My parents told me that its okay, i got a degree in general and thats whats important. Maybe i should just go where the wind takes me i guess i dont know. maybe do what rylee’s doing and work at a pet shelter lol.

i just need to get out of here, set up my own routiene, do fucking HEALTHY THINGS like i’m NOT doing right now. I could be doing so many things in my spare time. I want more skills, i should practice them. if animation makes me wanna cry, then i should do other stuff right? practicce ukulele more, painting, coding, learn a language, other thee things i used to enjoy. even exercise. blugh. itss easy said than done tho, everything is so tempting. like all the bad stuff. i said in therapy im addicted to my depression and thats true. but how can i escape that? how do you say no to something that’s literally a part of your brain? idk. okay i think im done, for now.

[wildlycuriouswanderercj]

sports

i am very into sports

all kinds of sports

i think its a nature of the human body and spirit

i like to excel n things especailly sports

i started tennis in my junior year in hs

and i made it into the tennis team

well i was competent enough 

i wasnt very consistant

but i did practice my serve alot

and my serve is fast

but not consistant

i got to a college level in 2 years

my driving has been almost 1 year

ive made improvements over the recent months hitting a 19.517 around 1 month or 2 ago after coming back from mexico

so i think  in a year or 2 my driving can get to a advance level

right now

to be modest

it be at a inermediate level 

prob more than mid way past half intermediate

i am getting close to advance despite how little driving i  actually do

think iam about 3- 6 race away from getting a 19.4 or 19.3

and maybe 30-60 race away from a 19.2 and 19.19ish

and about 300 races away from 19.0 - 18.9s

if i do 3 races a week

if i do 10 races a week

i need 30 weeks to do 300

i need 3-6 weeks i need about 36 weeks of doing 10 races a day to get to pro level

to get past advance

and into expert

expert is 19.1-18.9 level

were teagan and brian and juan is

juan maybe on the edge of expert

and zain is in advance

i am close to geting advnace

isaac is well in the intermiediate

and people getting 20s like kevin demioron, and even adam are in the amaterur level

not beginner

id said isaac just pasted amatuer and into intermediate

dont think isaac well get to advance level 19.2-6

newbie 22.0 and up

beginner 21.0-22.0

amateur 20.0 -20.9

intermediate 19.6 , 19.7, 19.8, 19.9

advance 19.3, 19.4 , 19.5

expert 19.1, 19.2 

master 19.0, 18.9

pro 18.8

[ask-a-vetblr]

Hey. So i work at an animal shelter. We frequently get stray cats in with ear mites or ringworm. Our vet, on off site private practice, wont spay/neuter our cats that have ear mites or ringworm. Is there any reason for this that you can think of? Ive tried to ask my boss why but she just says she doesnt know and then never asks the vet. And i dont ever have contact with the vet so i cant really ask.

In some cases its been troublesome so to speak. We had a kitten come in at 8 weeks old covered in ringworm. It was really bad. They wouldnt fix her till the ringworm was gone which wasnt until she was somewhere around 6 months old. Normally kittens get fixed around 3 months w us. This kitten went through her first heat before she could get fixed. And right now we have a cat with ear mites that might be pregnant. She was scheduled to get fixed 2 weeks ago and we didnt know she was pregnant then so it was probably early enough to abort. But they checked her ears and said they wouldnt fix her till the ear mites were gone. Now shes looking rounder than before and we're suspicious but she still has ear mites.

Is there a reason our vet wont fix them? Is it like for sanitation purposes? Bc if so, that doesnt make sense to me, shouldnt they be sanitizing the tables after every surgery and wearing protective gear regardless of any contagions an animal may have??

Thanks in advance.

vet-and-wild here.

I can't speak for exactly what this doctor is thinking but my guess is that it is related to how contagious these diseases are. It'd be really easy to have an outbreak if something becomes contaminated. They may not have the facilities to house contagious cats separately from non-contagious cats so it would be really easy to pass things back and forth. Ringworm is also zoonotic (contagious to humans) so there's a risk there too. Neither of these are a particular anesthetic risk but they are a huge hygiene risk. It's one thing in a shelter that already has these animals coming in frequently but a private practice has owned animals that are generally gonna take priority over shelter animals. Proper biosecurity can reduce the risk of transmission but I can see a GP not wanting to risk exposing their owned patients to disease. We do clean after each surgery but we're not doing a full scrub down of every area an animal touched. For ringworm we would have to, and that's a lot of time and labor that may not be able to be spared. If something started spreading through an animal hospital it would be really bad and potentially really hard to stop.

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 8) PREVIEW

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→a/n: so i’m not finished with pt 8 yet, since it’s such a climactic chapter it’s taking a bit longer than i anticipated unfortunately BUT i dont want u guys to think ive forgotten about it!!! i know u all are waiting so patiently, and i cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart <3 i hope this preview keeps you excited for what’s to come!

Jungkook could never face Y/N again.

God, how could he, knowing that he’d not only finished in five minutes like a pubescent teenager, but also in his pants while she was on top of him?

Embarrassment didn’t even begin to describe the mortification he felt. He’d never wanted the earth to swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. Sure, he was aware of his slight social anxiety, the way he was constantly looking to bolt from uncomfortable situations—but this was different entirely. This was new territory for him; he’d never done anything remotely sexual with someone else, period, much less with the girl who hung the stars, moon, and sun in his eyes. What was he supposed to do? There was nowhere to escape to in his own bedroom, no running away from his problems that made him uncomfortable. No, he had to stand there with his head down and his crotch dripping wet while he practically begged her to leave. He had never been so ashamed of himself. He had never felt so pathetic.

But then Y/N surprised him like she never failed to do: she’d given him reassurance, another kiss even, while telling him that she actually enjoyed the experience—went so far as to say it was the best in her life. Now he knew she was lying to spare his feelings. Of all the men Y/N had been with, there was no way a virgin cumming untouched in his pants was the best of them. She was cruel to make him believe otherwise, to give him false hope.

He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt.

Which was why he made it his mission to avoid her at all costs—something he’d gotten very good at over the past few months, and the past few weeks, specifically.

But in the same way he’d learned from the patterns of her daily routine and used them as a means to remain hidden, she’d also learned his and utilized them to her advantage as well. It was the only explanation as to how he was turning a corner inside the art building (about to take the rear exit, since she usually waited for him out front) and suddenly she was standing right in front of him.

He instantly skidded to a halt, heart rate shooting to astronomical levels and eyes widening on their own accord. “Y-Y/N,” he stuttered out involuntarily, the sight of her causing every single detail of their time spent together to come rushing back to him like a tidal wave ready to wipe him out.

As if he needed another excuse to think about the moment they shared that had changed him forever, about the way her moans sounded in his ear and her body felt on his lap and the way she touched his cheek, his neck, the way her lips felt on his skin, god help him—

Already he could feel the beginnings of a blush start to rise to his suddenly hot cheeks, and he cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep from springing yet another boner in front of her.

He slid his books in front of his waist, just in case.

While she usually approached him with the natural ease of self-confidence and charm, today she seemed worried, unsure. She chewed at her lower lip—something he didn’t think she really ever did, as he would certainly remember the way it stirred within him—and looked up at him beneath delicate lashes that framed her eyes.

He didn’t have it in him to keep from outright staring at her beauty.

“I… I missed you,” she finally murmured, and he felt the breath physically whoosh from his lungs to join his butterfly-filled stomach all the way at the floor.

It had been a few days since he’d last seen her, since she’d been in his room that night where they opened up about their past and confessed how they truly felt about one another and shared the most life-altering moment he’d ever experienced. He missed her too, god he missed her. He missed everything about her the moment she left his side—would picture her face in his mind as soon as she left his field of vision. But for some reason unknown to him, she was too kind to him, spared his feelings despite knowing what little experience he had. There was no way he’d be able to satisfy a girl—mentally, physically, emotionally—who could have anyone she wanted. Perhaps she pitied him. Either way, if she wouldn’t put a stop to it, then he would.

Or so he’d try, but alas, nothing ever went according to his plans where Y/N was concerned. And here she was, three simple words mumbled into existence and he couldn’t even remember his own name, much less why he’d been trying to fight this.

She seemed to expect he would say nothing—either that or she’d grown used to his silence—because before he had enough sense in him to even think about responding, she was speaking again. “How have you been?”

The question was asked with deliberate, genuine curiosity and concern; she really wanted to know if he was okay, how he was handling things after what had transpired between them. And no matter how hard Jungkook tried to fight this, fight her, fight himself, he was only human.

And so he stopped fighting.

“I– I missed you too,” he breathed out, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and relocated to his gut. He tensed at his confession, mentally berated himself for his words even though she’d been the one to say them first. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, what with the way his throat locked up.

Though the second he witnessed the smile that sprang to her tantalizing lips, he felt as light as a feather floating in the breeze.

“You did?” Her eyes lit up, sparkled under the fluorescent hallway lights that still managed to capture all of her beauty despite the unflattering lighting. He didn’t think it was possible for any scenery, not even that of a dull and stuffy university building, to make her appear any less breathtaking than she always was.

“I was so worried after I left last week,” she continued without prompt. The mention of his premature finish had him stiffening in dread, though she didn’t let enough silence fester between her words for the anxiety to claw its way up his throat. “I didn’t want you to beat yourself up. I’ve noticed you tend to be too hard on yourself sometimes.” She glanced up at him with the hint of a sheepish grin dancing on her lips.

Her expression said it all: that’s an understatement.

And this shocked him to his core, because she was absolutely right.

Just how well had she gotten to know him in their time spent together over the last few months? And how? And why?

The last question would always boggle him until the end of time; he would never understand why she was interested in him. Why was he the one she had feelings for, when she claimed she never had feelings for anybody? Though he supposed he could ask himself the same thing: why did he feel things for Y/N that he had never felt for anyone else in his life? And the answer was quite simple, really: because it was her.

He didn’t know what about himself was so special to make him stand out in her mind, and as a result he still couldn’t help but be skeptical, even after her confession. But it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter on what to do with that skepticism—not when his heart kept leading him back to her.

At some point after her accurate description of the inner turmoil that’s been plaguing his mind, his mouth had fallen open slightly. He couldn’t hide the surprise from his face even if he tried; he was speechless.

Y/N gazed up at him, not seeming in any hurry to rush the conversation along, and for that he was grateful. He’d never met somebody so patient and understanding before—just another reason to make Jungkook’s heart flutter with endearment. And it was no secret to himself anymore that he yearned to be in Y/N’s presence for as long as possible whether he was aware of it or not.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know,” she continued as if she could read his mind, and that was when he realized the way his eyes avoided hers and the fact that his skin was the color of tomatoes must’ve been dead giveaways. “I meant it when I said that was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Jungkook balked, practically choking on his spit at her forward, shameless words. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way she spoke her mind so openly without any fear holding her back. She’d gone through so much in her childhood, in her life—Jungkook not even knowing the half of it, he’s sure—and yet she was still so strong and brave and everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but admire the person she was today, despite all the prejudice and judgment he’d held for her when they first met.

He realized now that he was too quick to judge her, to write her off based on rumors and first impressions. He realized now that he was too quick to do that to a lot of people. Just how long had he closed himself off from others based on his skewed, morally righteous perspective? His whole life, if he had to say.

The epiphany that she was physically prying open his third eye with a crowbar, that he was now self aware and changing for the better for her—for himself—hit him all at once.

It was the most frightening sensation of his life, the introvert in him wanting to crawl back into his shell where it was safe and comfortable and dull. But deep down he knew it was also for the best.

“W-why?” He heard himself asking before he knew what he was doing. “Why do you keep saying that?”

He had to know why she insisted on standing by her statement that his mishap was not only hot, but the hottest ever. Why did she insist on lying to him, on giving him false hope? She spoke her mind in every other situation, or at least that’s what he assumed; why did she insist on sparing his feelings in this incident? Was he really that pathetic? Did she pity him that much?

She simply blinked at him once, twice, before: “Because I really like you, Jungkook.”

As if in slow motion, you could visibly see his eyes expand to the size of saucers at your words.

You would’ve found the sight comical had the situation been any different. But the way he continued to disbelieve that you could have feelings for him, that you could be attracted to everything about him despite who he was, despite his inexperience—it made your heart break in your chest. You now knew from where this inferiority complex stemmed—he’d told you himself about his family situation—and if anything, it made you want to rebuild his confidence that much more. He needed to see himself the way you saw him.

But you also didn’t want to overwhelm him, either. And you were more than willing to walk that fine line with Jungkook no matter how long it took.

“So are we on for a study sesh tonight?” You continued nonchalantly, wanting to return things to normalcy for him as much as possible before he ran away mid-conversation as he’d done so many times before. You wanted to ease his self-doubt so he’d stop avoiding you—like he’d been doing the past few days—as much as possible.

Jungkook blinked as if trying to adjust from the whiplash of your subject-change. “U–uh… if you want?”

“Of course I want to,” you replied without missing a beat, not caring how desperate you seemed so long as he didn’t question where you stood. You took a step forward, unable to help the intangible, magnetic draw you felt to him as you gazed up at him beneath your lashes. “That is… if you want to.”

You watched in agony as a gulp slowly raked its way down his throat.

“I–” his voice was hoarse before he cleared his throat. “I uh, can’t tonight. I have to study for math.”

You weren’t even sure how one studied for math, but you weren’t about to question the expert. “That’s fine! We could… do it tomorrow?”

Jungkook chewed at his bottom lip, an action he always did when he was internally struggling with something before he finally nodded his head yes in a slow, hesitant manner. “N–not in my room though,” he added as an afterthought, and when your gaze snapped to his he had a pleading expression in his eyes.

A mix of emotions rolled through you. On one hand, you were horrified at the possibility that he thought the only reason you wanted to study again was so that you could get in his pants. Which—okay, you’re not going to lie, you would love to have a repeat of last week—but that definitely wasn’t why you wanted to see him. He meant more to you than just a means to get off, which was what you’d thought of flings in the past. You didn’t want him to be just a fling, though.

You didn’t want to think of the meaning behind that fact right now, either.

But on another hand, you understood where Jungkook was coming from. Maybe it was because you’d studied him enough over the past few months to learn some of his behavior (for once you finally saw the appeal of studying), so you knew that level of intimacy was probably extremely overwhelming for Jungkook and he needed a moment to step back. Hell, it was even overwhelming for you, and that was saying something. Never had your senses, your heart, your body, your soul been attacked like that with such an abundance of emotional pleasure, and you hoped with all your might that Jungkook was feeling the same—that that was the reason he needed a breather from being alone with you, and not the fact that he just didn’t want to be intimate with you.

Unless…

Oh god, had you misread the situation entirely? Had Jungkook hated everything about that night?

Suddenly you were feeling sick to your stomach. The thought of you misunderstanding his confession—or worse, him changing his mind completely—made you want to escape to a dark and desolate stairwell and cry in the hidden nooks of the windowsill again; the irony that not only would you be pulling a Jungkook by escaping mid-conversation, but that the stairwell was also the place the two of you had your first real conversation, wasn’t lost on you.

“M–my roommate is staying in, studying for finals.” The sound of Jungkook’s voice was like a breath of fresh air whooshing into your lungs after almost drowning underwater. You blinked out of your inner turmoil, focusing on him. “So he’ll be there, i–in my room, this whole week.”

And suddenly your heart was warming with relief, hope, appreciation, like flowers blooming in the spring after a torrential downpour. Just when you thought you had him figured out, this enigma of a boy continued to surprise you. It was usually easy for you to hide your emotions—you’d been doing so for years, always wore a mask around others so that they couldn’t see the real you—and yet somehow, Jungkook must’ve sensed them anyway. He sensed the doubt, the pain, the fear that you vowed never to cage you crawling up your throat and threatening to consume you whole, and he eased it. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him. He wanted to reassure you.

If anything, that was just a testament to how Jungkook had broken down your walls—how much you had let him in, how well he was able to read the emotions you wanted to keep hidden. Your mask had begun to break, the real you showing through the cracks, and Jungkook was still standing here. He hadn’t run away.

You fought the urge to grab him and slam your lips onto his.

“Not in your room, then,” is all you managed to breathe out beneath a fluttering smile.

[amor-immortalem]

Looking For a Different Way

Cross posted on AO3

Summary: Lucifer calls Mammon to his office to talk about the improvement of his grades. Seeking to keep his brother on the right path to success, the first-born gives Mammon an item that may make it easier.

Genre: fluff

A/N: So I, like some of you, totally believe Mammon to have ADHD which is why he does so poorly at RAD. That being said I’m writing from my own experience as an individual with a severe combined presentation of ADHD.

———————————————————————-

The Avatar of Greed had been spending his afternoon hitting the books while on a video call with his girlfriend. He needed someone to talk to while he studied in case he had questions. He wouldn’t dare bother his brothers for fear that they would call him an idiot if they deemed the question to be too ridiculous.

“Its been amazin’. Hon. It seems like they’re really tryin ta change their ways after that talk a few weeks ago… I mean there have been a few slip ups but they apologize as soon as they realize it.” he smiled excitedly. “Its still hard with ya havin’ ta go back ta the human world though…” he says with a small pout. “It feels like things are harder to get done when ya ain’t around ta keep me on track.”

“I know, Love, but as much as I wish I could stay down there with you, my body does need the sun to function properly. A sun lamp and supplements are only a temporary fix. It won’t be much longer. I’ll be back before exams.”

“Huh? That’s like two months away! I’ll never make it.”

“More like two weeks, Baby.” Arella chuckled as a timer went off in the background. “Alright times up, let’s have a look at your work.”

“That’s still too long.” Another pout, “…..I mss you….”

Unbeknownst to the two of them, Lucifer had been listening in. Mostly interested in how Arella was helping his brother with his course work as he had been searching for ways to better help him improve as a student. After enough listening, the Avatar of Pride called out to his brother.

“Mammon, a word please?” Lucifer says, making his presence known. He doesn’t miss the way his younger brother tenses.

They had only been a few weeks removed from Arella’s revelation that the second-born had been considering ending his own life. Considering how their interactions often ended up, the eldest couldn’t blame his brother for having this type of reaction.

“You’re not in trouble, I promise.”

I… I’ll call ya back later, Babe.” At that, Mammon followed after the demon. If he wasn’t in trouble, he was curious to find out what it could be about.

Once they were in his office, Lucifer ushered his brother over to a chair sat in front of the desk.

“You’re glasses came in today along with mine so I picked them up for you,” he remarks as he passes his younger brother the case they sat in. Mammon opens it and puts them on. “That’s not what I what I wanted to talk about, though.”

“What is it then?” The white haired demon watches as his brother shuffles some papers around on his desk before placing a sheet of paper in front of him. “My grades?”

“Yes. Ever since I talked with Diavolo to amend RAD’s dress code allowing you could wear your sunglasses in class, they’ve gone up one whole letter grade. I always thought you just had a problem with applying yourself to your studies but it turns out I was wrong. I’m very proud of you for doing this much in such a short amount of time.” A rare, prideful smile crossed his face which in-turn caused Mammon to beam at the praise he received from his brother.

“See, I told ya I can do it! You should have more faith in the Great Mammon! By the end of the term, I’ll have my grades up to a C!”

“Wonderful, and to help you reach that goal, Ive been doing some research. I’ve been watching you in the classes we share together. I’ve started to notice in classes that don’t have practical sessions, you’re constantly bouncing your leg or fidgeting with the rings on your fingers. Why is that?”

“Honestly,” Mammon started, “I dunno. I guess it just helps me pay attention better. Sometimes I just have too much energy and its hard to sit still and focus unless some part of me is movin’, ya know?”

“I can’t say that I do, but let’s try using this….” The Avatar of Pride opens a drawer in his desk and pulls out a palm sized cube with buttons, switches, and even a little ball one could roll their thumb over. “Arella sent this to me from the human world for you. Apparently, it’s a device humans with certain difficulties use to help them in their classes.” He turned the cube in his hand as he studied it. “Not sure how,” he handed it over to his brother who immediately started to roll the cube in his hand before gripping it and running his thumb over the small metal ball.

“Me neither but hey, if it could help, it ain’t gonna hurt to try…. I really like it actually….” He continued to fiddle with the cube idly.

“We’ll see if it helps for the time being. That’s all I wanted to see you for. You’re free to go.”

Mammon nodded as he got up to leave, off to continue the math homework he’d been working on before this.

———————————————————————-

Masterlist 2

[flowersofjannah]

idk sis but it's crushing me. i've literally been on the bathroom floor crying wondering why i let my heart do this to me. then i wonder that why did Allah even put him there more and more each day as my feelings grew? Only Allah knows but given that he was unavailable anyway it doesnt make sense to me. like today i saw him many times and the thing happened and i. sis i just feel so helpless and hopeless. like i said ive always been so shy and keep feelings to myself. i feel pathetic for letting myself hope after the uni guy. i shouldve shut the possibility of even meeting somoeone just a few months later. i feel so stupid and embarrassed. the 2 sisters from work that helped me find this out - i dont know them well and mashAllah theyre such lovely sisters - without them i woulve embarrassed myself asking him so alhamdullilah that that didnt end up happening but they probably feel pity for me too. idk again i hope (and know) that these intense feelings of sadness and confusion will pass but i honestly just feel like closing my heart up. i do understand that Allah can make anything possible and knows what's best for us but. idk i just feel so overwhelmed and upset for hoping. like he genuinely seemed like a private guy, focused etc mA. similar to uni guy. it seems that most of the good guys get married rlly quickly and idk. and like i said in my first post to u when mentioning the uni guy - families dont even consider me because my younger sisters (mainly my 16 yr old sis) seems prettier and older etc (im shorter than them etc). i honeslty never expected any of this to happen. i remember being younger and having hope that id one day find someone who i could trust and have a family with and a private life with centred around Allah. as i get older, i feel so helpless. all i have left now are online means and arranged marriage - but half og my family isnt even practicing and theyre not looking and the people they find are so liberal but not in their eyes. i feel like taking my heart out idk sis my heart just aches so much that this is happening again. it took me so much courage to get past the uni guy. it's worse in some ways with the work guy i guess. idk sis, i really dont know anymore... i cant even tell my family, only my younger sis knows and i have to act fine and all but ... sighh

You will look back someday and you will know exactly why this happened to you and how it made you grow. Trust me when I say this, you will definitely come across the realization later in life. Allah does things we don't understand at the moment but we understand later on.

There is absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed or stupid for. It is not embarrassing or stupid, you are a human being with a heart and feelings. We are all this way sis.

Protect your heart sis but don't let it go hopeless. It's hard to do but this is the best way.

"all i have left now are online means and arranged marriage" Allah works in mysterious ways sis, He provides for us from places we don't expect. Make dua for what you want, do what you can, and leave it to Allah. I know many masajid also have services to help you find a partner, maybe look into that? If you don't mind out of state, there is a local masjid near me where they have an excel sheet of potentials you can sign up for. I can link it to you if you would like.

"it took me so much courage to get past the uni guy." And you have the courage to get past this guy too alhumdulilah, Allah does not burden us beyond what we can bear. He knows you can get past this, thus He allowed it. I know at times you may feel "but I can't deal with this burden, it's too much for me." Allah knows what you are capable of, we underestimate ourselves.

Don't beat yourself up sis, you are only human. Every human being is like this, we develop feelings for people and things we get hurt by. And then do it again, and again, and again. All of us are stupid and embarrassing then if you feel what you did was stupid and embarrassing.

Don't be so consumed with the marriage aspect, live your life and when the time comes, your spouse will come. I'm 27 and unmarried sis, I mean I should be crying my eyeballs out every day then. We have similar struggles sis, don't be so hard on yourself and don't lose hope.

[gospelofme]

Super Nova

Chapter 2: The Offer

A year after that encounter with Master Tarrek, Sayriel would find herself on a transport leaving the atmosphere of Yavin IV, all of her possessions fit into a backpack. She didn’t have much, so it didn’t take her but minutes to pack.

A grand total of 15 years had passed since that encounter now. A 32 year old Sayriel stood under a stream of hot water, the steam of her shower fogging up the refresher. She had been too tired to shower the night before, so she made a point to get up early and wash up. Dried blood and dirt flowed off her body and swirled down the drain. She had found herself thinking back to that conversation with Master Tarrek. She still had issues with meditation, but it was most likely because she didn’t practice it much anymore. There were some thoughts she didn’t want to confront and areas of her mind that she refused to explore. She briefly wondered if she had made the right decision regarding leaving the sect on Yavin IV. They were pushing you out more and more every day. They wanted you to leave, they were practically showing you to the door. She reminded herself as she turned off the water. She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her now clean body. She bent over the sink and twisted excess water out of her long, dark brown hair.

After finishing her morning routine, Sayriel got dressed and checked her datapad for any messages. She frowned when she noticed one new notification. She didn’t really feel like seeing him today, but he was often associated with credits, which she did feel like accumulating more of. She already had a job she needed to complete today, so his message would need to wait. She dressed in dark grey pants and a white shirt. She paired this with black boots that hugged her mid-calf securely. They had seen better days but they were sturdy and still did their job. The thick soles protected her from broken glass to semi-molten metals. Plus they were fun to kick people with when she needed to. She secured her blaster to the holster on her thigh and her lightsaber was securely hidden in a pocket on her pant leg. After downing some caf for breakfast, and left her small apartment. Corellia was still largely asleep, but some businesses were starting to open up. The sun was just beginning to show itself at the horizon.

She walked in the direction of the landing pads where her ship was parked and hopefully awaiting the shipment of it’s cargo. She passed a few businesses on her way, some still securely locked up and others being set up for the customers that would eventually arrive. She knew a couple of the shop owners, a few of the market vendors, and the guy who ran the shipyard she used, but that was it. She didn’t want to be too known. Besides, she didn’t know how long she’d call Corellia home. Once at the shipyard, she typed in her access code and the gate slide open slowly. She found her ship on pad D4 and sure enough there was a Twi’lek male waiting for her with a stack of crates and a service droid. Sayriel smirked, at least he was on time this morning.

“Is this my shipment of Burra fish?” She inquired once she was closer in range.

“Yup, packed with the industrial ice packs as requested.” The Twi’lek responded. “I just need you to sign for them and I’ll have my droid load them onto your ship.” The vendor gestured to her Allanar N3 freighter, The Revenge. Sayriel took the datapad he held out for her and inspected the manifest and then opened one of the crates. Sure enough the fillets lay neatly wrapped surrounded by plenty of the industrial-grade ice packs. She checked all 10 crates and was pleased with all of them. She signed for the shipment and the Twi’lek’s droid set to work loading them onto her ship.

“So where are all these crates going?” The Twi’lek asked, making small talk. Sayriel hated small talk.

“Somewhere.” She replied with a “that’s all you need to know” smile. The man took the hint and didn’t try to continue the conversation.

Once the crates were securely loaded, Sayriel settled herself into the pilot’s seat and started her ship up. Within moments she was soaring through the atmosphere of Corellia and soon after that she was out among the stars. It was her favorite place to be truthfully. After a few calculations, she jumped to hyperspace and settled in for the two hour journey. She decided to try her hand at meditation again, closing her eyes and slowing her breathing. A quick series of beeps jolted her awake, it was time to drop out of hyperspace. She must’ve fallen asleep during her attempted meditation. Honestly that wouldn’t be the first time that has happened. Nar Shaddaa loomed in her viewport and Sayr piloted her way through the atmosphere to Wormstew Town. She had always wondered how that place got its name, but felt that she didn’t want to truly know the answer.

“This is Nova, I’m in route to Wormstew with your shipment of Burra fillets.” She commed her contact’s frequency. There was a crackle of static and then a reply for her to land on platform C5. She did as instructed and disembarked once she landed. She was met by a human male and a Rodian with a datapad. The Rodian scanned the cargo once it was unloaded and gave a nod to his human counterpart

“Looks like everything is in order,” the man said, lifting the lids on each crate and inspecting the contents. He pulled out of the ice packs and held it between his hands. “The hospital will be most pleased with this generous donation from your benefactor. Now if you come with me, I’ll get your delivery fee sorted.” He added, gesturing for Sayr to follow him to a small building near the platforms. The man tossed the industrial-grade ice pack from hand to hand casually.

Upon entering the small building, which was essentially 4 walls, a ceiling, and a desk, Sayr was greeted by a female Twi’lek. She was dressed in hospital garb, but Sayr could spot the outline of a blaster under her white coat. The man handed the woman the ice pack, who then carefully opened it along one edge. She took a test strip out of her coat pocket and dipped it into the substance that was starting to soften. The test strip emerged blue and the woman smiled.

“The bacta is still viable. This will help immensely. The Hutts have cornered the market on this stuff and are charging much more than we can ever afford.” The woman explained. Sayr found it disgusting how one life form could withhold live-saving equipment or substances from another. Bacta was an essential hospital tool and to charge an insane amount of credits for it just because they can was monstrous. This shipment of about 240 total frozen Bacta packs wasn’t a lot but at least they’ll be able to have some at the hospital here and send some to the smaller clinics they were affiliated with. She felt good participating with these causes, as she felt it helped balance out the unpleasant ones that also found their way into her calendar.

The credit transfer took place and Sayr took her leave of the pair, passing by the crates on their way to the hospital. She noted a male Zabrak leaning against the edge of her ship, she knew who he was. As she got closer she could make out the stupid smile on his stupid face. She had hoped he would’ve waited for her to answer his earlier message, but no. He felt the need to follow her here instead.

“What do you want Varex?” She asked with a weary tone. The Zabrak pushed himself off the side of her ship and scrambled up onto the loading ramp to block her way. Sayr tried to side-step him and he moved to match her. She stopped and gave him a glare.

“I just want 15 minutes of your time. I have an offer that I think you’ll be interested in.” Varex said, he sounded excited but that could just be a ploy to get her to agree.

“And what if I say no?” She countered, trying to side step him. He moved to still block her.

“Then I’ll follow you until you say yes.” He replied, Sayr knew he was serious and gave a weary sigh. She didn’t have any other job lined up right now anyways. She didn’t have to say anything, the look she gave the Zabrak pirate told him she agreed.

“Great!” He jumped off the edge of the landing ramp and back onto the platform. Sayriel made sure her ship was secured tightly and followed the pirate into town.

She followed him to a cantina fittingly dubbed The Wormhole. They walked through the small crowd at the front and settled in a back booth. A waitress came over and gave them both menus and said she’d be back in a bit to take their orders. Sayr folded her arms on the table top in front of her as Varex made himself comfortable in the seat across from her.

“So, it’s been a couple months.” He noted, Sayriel smirked.

“Is this a business proposition or a catching up meeting? Because time started when we walked through that door. You have 12 minutes left.” Sayr responded, sitting back and crossing her arms across her chest. She wasn’t interested in talking about the “old days” or what she had “been up to”. The Zabrak raises his hands in mock surrender and was about to get down to business when the waitress returned. Varex ordered the house-made Ale and Sayr got herself a Sparkling Stardust. Their drinks arrived quickly and Sayr took a sip of the sweet glittery drink. Varex shook his head amusedly.

“What?” Sayriel asked with a raised eyebrow, “a woman like myself can’t enjoy a girly drink?” She added with a teasing smirk.

“It’s just odd to see a woman like you sipping a glittery drink, I’ve seen you do some very unladylike things.” Varex explained, Sayriel shrugged in acknowledgement. The Zabrak then got down to the reason why he had followed her to Nar Shaddaa.

“A collector on Coruscant contacted me with a very intriguing job opportunity. He is a purveyor of ancient artifacts and has heard of some items of a Force-like nature hidden in caches on a few different planets.” Varex began. Sayr narrowed her eyes at the term “Force-like”. She had a feeling she knew why Varex had contacted her.

“What are these items of a Force-like nature?” She asked, eyes still narrowed at Varex. The Zabrak looked around to make sure no one was paying too much attention.

“I can’t say here, but I can tell you that they’re very old and very valuable.” Varex said, leaning forward. Sayriel stayed with her back against her booth seat. She wore an unimpressed expression on her face.

“What are they? Master Yoda’s bedtime slippers?” Sayriel asked sarcastically. Varex gave her a confused look in return.

“I don’t know who that is…but you can’t wear these I don’t think.” Varex replied, Sayriel rolled her eyes and leaned forward.

“So are you asking me because you value my company and think I make a wonderful work partner? Or is it because I have some tricks that will make these things very easy for you to find?” Varex didn’t hesitate with this reply.

“Both, but mainly the second thing.” Sayriel frowned and leaned back in her booth again, Varex quickly adding, “but also the first thing. You are a delight to have on the ship.” Sayriel held his gaze for a couple beats more and then turned her attention to her drink. She did appreciate his honesty and she did find his offer interesting. He drank his ale quickly and waited for her to finish her drink, which didn’t take long. Sparkling Stardust was always served in a small, delicate, wide-rimmed glass. But it was worth it.

“Okay fine, what the kriff. You were right, this sounds interesting.” She answered, Varex smiling in relief. Her joining his crew, even if on a temp basis, would make this mission so much easier. The two left the cantina, Varex paying for Sayriel’s drink on the way out. Varex gave Sayriel the coordinates to the current safe house. They both then parted ways and Sayriel found herself back out in space, surrounded by stars and silence.

Tag list

@jgvfhl @nelba @leias-left-hair-bun

@baby-queen-zen @halzore @escapedthesarlacc

[words-for-holland]

The Songs In Our Life: A New Friend

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary : A simple city girl with a new job crosses paths with a thriving celebrity who’s extremely late for an important press interview

A/N: The long awaited first chapter. Sorry it took so long. First chapters are always hard for me and the writer’s block was real with this.

Inspired by: Friend - Kaitlyn Harner & Best Day of my Life - Robert Palmer

Album Description | Track 1 |

I’ll never forget the day I met Tom. My life had been so simple before him but the moment he stepped into my life, my world was filled with excitement and color. It was the day when my story had it just begun.

I had left my quiet hometown for the busy city life in New York, where I had just started my new job at Marvel Entertainment’s corporate office. It had always felt like a fever dream, never in a million years, thinking I would ever get the chance to work there as a lead developer for their website. Any other human being would be nervous, but I was terrfied from the start. A new job, a new home, everything was unfamiliar and the only thing keeping close to home was my best friend Kaitlyn.

Few months of adjusting to the New had passed, and life seemed to settle down, remaining static until that faithful day. I made it to doors of the Marvel Office, always arriving at the same time like clock work. A crowd of fangirls surrounded the area, which only meant that a press event was taking place at the office.

I paid no attention and headed straight to the I.T. Department, where I worked my ass for the next 5 hours, coding and testing new features. Eventually, I took a break and decided to walk around the halls. My thoughts started clouding around me, as I wondered who was coming to visit this time. Surely it had to be one of the actors from the MCU, but who?

“Oh..Im so sorry darling. Are you okay?” A frantic voice asked, steading my body with their hands. I looked up at the person I had just collided with, my eyes widening at the realization of who I just bumped into. Tom Holland. Of course, it all makes sense now as to why a fan girl army was barricading the doors of the office.

I shook my head and kept myself together. “Y-yeah. Im fine. Sorry it’s my fault I should have watched where I was going.” I smiled at him, smoothing down my plaid shirt, making very little eye contact.

“No, dont apologize.” Tom chucked to himself as he looked down as well. “I..uh..Im running a but late for an interview and well I wasnt watching myself.” He looked right back at me, smiling. I never found him that attractive before. I always thought that he was over hyped, but in this small moment he wasnt too bad. It was definitely the eyes..those dark brown eyes and that charming smile, but why did he make me feel so nervous?

“No, it’s fine. Are you lost?” I asked without thinking. The moment the words escaped my lips, I mentally smacked myself. Of course he’s not lost. The British dude probably has a whole team of people, making sure his life is in order. Why would he need someone from IT to help find his room?

“Actually I am” Tom chuckled, his cheeks showing of a tint of pink. “I wouldn’t mind a bit of company.”

I briefly look at the clock to make sure I had time before my break ended, and I thanked the Lord I did. “Yeah I’ve got time. Follow me.”

The walk to the conference room was silent, at least for the first few minutes. Our body language mirroring the other, hands pocketed, heads facing straight ahead. I tried to get myself to say something...anything but I didn’t know what sounded less stupid. “So...what do you do around here?” His voice snapped me out of my overthinking, breaking the awkwardness.

“Oh..I work as a developer. You know writing codes, fixing things people break, asking others if they tried turning their computer off and on?” I explain to Tom, giggling at my own joke. God, he probably didnt think it was funny because he doesnt know your job.

He looks my way, feeling his eyes on me. “That sounds lovely.” Tom responds laughing along. He nervously adds “In..in a good way. Im sure you’re fantastic at it.”

I looked at him with curiosity. Ive never seen him so nervous. Technically I’ve never seen him in any emotional state in person till now, or any man in general showing a sign of nervousness talking to me. Guess, I never earned that charm. “I’d like to think so. Probably not as success as you at your job. You’re practically a God around here.” Oh no..Im over did it.

“Lies.” He laughs. “Im sure you’ve just mistaken me for Robert Downey Jr.”

“You play Spiderman, don’t you?”

“One of many roles I’m known for.” He smiles, cheekily.

“Then Im pretty sure I know who you are.” I chuckle at my response as I lead him to the door. My heart drops a little as I lead him the door, knowing that Ill probably wont see him again after this. But why would I care it wasnt like I wad really that into him in the first place anyway. “And this is you’re stop.” I open up the door for Tom to enter.

“Ah...right.” His smiled drops as he reached the door. Was he just as let down as I was that our conversation was coming to a close? Tom looked to me and showed of that charming smile of his again. “Thank you.....” he prolonged his sentence, realizing he never caught my name.

“Y/N” I say confidently, only because I was 99.9% sure I couldnt mess that part up. “It was nice talking to you Tom.”

“Ah so she does know my name.” Tom joked around prolonging the moment.

“Yeah..well I have to get back and I dont want you to be any later than you need to be, so I’ll see ya —”

“Will I get to see you again?” He asked quickly, eyes filled with anticipation.

I was suprised by his response, my mouth dropping. “Uh...you want to see me...again? Like after this?”

“Yeah.” He said, assuming it was obvious. “I think you’re pretty cool and I’d love to hang out and learn more about you. Plus couldnt hurt to have someone show me some really good places to eat in the city.” Tom kept rambling, but I quickly took out a pen and impulsively wrote my number on his wrist.

“Im free tonight after work. We can meet back here if you want.” I smile as I quickly dash back to the IT wing.

“Can’t wait...Y/N.” Tom mumbles, trying hard to supress his excited.

Proceed to Track 2.

Taglist (Send an ask or message to be added):

@horanxholland @peterspideyy @stan-ish230403 @averyfosterthoughts @eridanuswave @greatpizzascissorstaco

[swampgallows]

im nowhere near ready to upload another chapter of salt the roads, it’s been a pretty slow go with my mental health being in the pits these last few months, but with the news about ao3 i’m not sure if i should upload it there at all. i dont have much confirmation outside that one post as to whether or not that policy is real as it is, but as an adult survivor of child sexual abuse and a survivor of adults creating sexual “fan” content of real life me (drawings, stories, memes [though they were called ‘macros’ back then], photoshop) i dont want my work to share a space with people who cater to pedophiles, nor do i want it on a platform that excuses, or even facilitates, catering to pedophiliac interests. 

ao3′s layout looks better than ffn in my opinion, and it seems to be the go-to for most fanfic, but ive noticed even in my own trawling through the WoW tags that the majority of fics are porn, and a lot of it is full of “taboo” or fringe kinks. 

it even affected my overall trajectory of writing salt the roads: i was so anxious that nobody would read my story unless i put sexual content in it that i put a disclaimer at the beginning that there would be some, in hopes that people would click it and give it a try anyway. i wrote two sex scenes for str, one of which “fades to black”, and one that is more explicit. the explicit scene i wrote genuinely as a practice of my own writing ability: i wanted to challenge myself to write a scene where the partner’s genitals remained ambiguous to avoid breaking the Reader’s immersion. 

this has been one of my goals for STR the entire way, which is why i do my best not to describe any physical traits of the reader beyond the injuries, and to carefully word referential dialogue so that i don’t use any pronouns. “it” is used only in the most derogatory manner, chiefly when the orcs are discussing the human as an object or animal (rather than a thing without a gender). i also didnt want to use the “they/them” shortcut, as 1. some people are quite uncomfortable with they/them as “default” pronouns and 2. it can be a little confusing in text imo, especially when referring to different individuals within a group, and in avoiding physical descriptions too i didnt want it to be like “the human xyz” over and over. there’s already quite a bit of that as it is.

part of the reason this next chapter is taking so long is because it had a sex scene in it which i have, so far, entirely gutted. i wrote it back in 2016 so the tone of the work has changed, as well as the pacing, and i wasn’t really happy with it anyway. but the intention was also polluted, as i felt i needed to inject sex into my story to make it worth the ao3 audience’s time. the remaining sex scene will stay for the reasons above, but it’s ultimately a “skippable cutscene”. ive considered even uploading it as its own chapter so that it’s entirely skippable, and even writing an author’s note at the bottom that says "this is the only sex scene. if that’s why youre here you can stop reading now” LOL. i figure people just open it up, hit “entire work”, ctrl+F for a bunch of synonyms for penis and then leave anyway. 

im going to back up the work as it is on ao3 regardless, as i consider that the ‘finalized/published’ version. since i write in notepad i do have some html tags here and there but everything else is raw-encoded on ao3 at the time of upload. my end of the year project i guess can be mirroring the upload to FFN (wattpad seems to have a much younger crowd, and my work is not intended for audiences under 18). 

while i appreciate all the good ao3 does... even 4chan removed its lolicon board within its first year of operation. it didn’t prevent cp from being uploaded, not by a long shot, but its rules at least condemned pedophiles from using it as a base of operations. hopefully ao3 will consider updating its policies but in the meantime i will work on mirroring salt the roads on ffn. whether i upload the new chapter to ao3 will depend on whether or not the policy has changed by the time it’s done.