#and just understood me being trans without me explaining anything

[ghostickle]

Never in my life have I had a doctor call me the right name AND pronouns especially without me having to talk to them first I’m so happy

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: Response About Sensitivity Reader

[Some of you might not have heard of this happening, but I wanted to address it across the board]

Hey everyone,

I want to make a post about the screenshots of comments from one of our sensitivity readers. The situation is that neither me or Rose want people to feel uncomfortable with Our Life: Now & Forever, but Rose hasn’t done anything terribly wrong and isn’t going to be punished.

The comment about OL MCs wasn’t meant to be genuine hatred towards all male players/MCs of OL. Rose wrote a reply about it-

"Hi everyone! This is Rose, I want to address the male MC comment since it was taken wildly out of context and without the lengthy discussion that was after it. I don't hate male MCs, in fact far from it, male MCs are integral to the story in OL:NF as female and trans MCs are. I think the relationship they could potentially have with Qiu could be a great asset in my opinion as they figure out their gender alongside the MC. The discussion itself was about how I noticed players were sticking to heteronormative norms by shipping Tamarack with a man purely out of societal norms than it was genuine thought into the characters and how I personally wished there was more sapphic relationships with Tamarack or just Tamarack with trans characters as a sapphic trans person myself. I didn't mean to offend anyone by it as no one but my friends who understood what I legitimately meant behind my message and it definitely wasn't meant to be seen seriously. I am sorry regardless to anyone I have offended and I love your male MCs regardless."

And most of the comments were about me. I’ve seen screenshots of the full conversations and they’re not as harsh as the cropped snippets made them out to be. It was longer discussions about not including Derek in any base game Moments for no good reason and not having any plus-sized love interests in OL1 because I was afraid players wouldn’t accept it. That’s not a lie, it’s what I decided for the game I created, and it is ridiculous of me. I’m the one who should be feeling embarrassed over how OL1 will forever be that way, not the people who remember that I did that. I’m not perfect and Rose actually cares more about the players than making me feel like I am flawless.

I also don’t want to tone police an employee venting about their boss in private, on their own time. Both the OL games deal with personal, important topics. This is sensitive work, and it can bring up frustrations. Sometimes people do use harsh words among friends, but they wouldn’t ever say it to a person seriously and directly.

I understand if you wouldn’t want to see anyone speak badly of a dev you like, but I promise it’s not a point of contention between me and Rose. I don’t feel mistreated in anyway. Rose genuinely cares about the Our Life series, and that’s why they get fed up with me over certain parts of the game.

Rose has never been unkind or unreasonable to me when working on the project, and their advice is detailed and well-explained. They do care about the game and want it to avoid having content that upsets people because of my own ignorance/shortcomings.

This being shared publicly from a private server is targeting Rose and seems to be a continuation of things that have happened before this. I don’t want this to continue happening. If you do still have concerns over the one comment about the community, you can let me know. But again, I don’t want people being mistrustful of Rose on my behalf for comments about me in conversations with missing context.

Do not send angry messages to Rose about any of this. We’ll do our best so that OL2 will be better than I was before. Thank you to everyone who reads this and participates in the community!

[hadesoftheladies]

actually, I DID have gender dysphoria as a teenage girl without being exposed to anything about it on the internet, on top of "racial dysphoria" and body dysmorphia

there were points I DID want to kill myself because i wasn't, or bleach my skin or change my body, i would have done anything to be a white boy at one point

which is both sad and funny to me because i remember two of my then good friends explain being enby and transgender to me and me being like "that doesn't make any sense" and it's because of trans-discourse we eventually broke up. the closest i ever got to accepting trans-ideology was transmedicalism with weak support for "queer" culture. i did not understand pronouns, but i understood dysphoria. but i did not understand how one could be a man or woman without the sex characteristics.

how did i heal?

one, i left church. that was one of the places i was most scrutinized for my physical body. two, i distanced from my parents, especially my mom. who often made my ocd and body-image worse (not because she was mean, but because she was always fretting about "decency"). three, i focused on bettering my personal space. writing, reading, watching my comfort shows, getting the focus off me. four, i started eating better, and my body became less burdensome. i stopped getting horrible period pain. five, i surrounded myself with self-confident women and stopped trying to resurrect toxic friendships with girls and boys (especially boys). started eliminating each toxic friend and focusing my efforts on healthier relationships. six, i'd started educating myself on my own history, watching and listening to more black and African people. even when i didn't enjoy what they made or resonate with it, i found i appreciated the experience and could allow myself to hate or love whatever i found.

by the time i discovered radical feminism, this was like, the final step for me: consuming women-centric literature and media. this was HUGE. i'd see paintings and photography of women in all shapes, colors and sizes. i'd listen to master musicians, read women philosophers, anthropologists, etc. this started mending a lot of what caused initial disquiet when it came to my dysphoria or dysmorphia.

basically, i took myself out of bad environments (especially those which force you to scrutinize every detail about yourself, like social media, i took long breaks from that), drew boundaries with people i couldn't get rid of, learned about myself (ocd, dyscalculia, anxiety, female biology) so that i developed understanding and could empathize, stopped centering men and white people.

now, while there's still a hint or trace of dysmorphia and dysphoria, it doesn't plague my life. it's like the occasional itch. more of a mild temptation to go down a dark hole than an actual threat. and i've learned how to handle those.

i learned the root of things. not just my history, but the root of how society worked and how it affected me. and i'm still learning, and my life is still improving.

so yeah, girls and women going through this is normal and common. anyone who is used to who they are being shameful is more at risk (like gnc lgb kids), but you can recover. usually better if you get out of the places that are making you sick.

[jjkamochoso]

I just want to say thank you for always writing my silly little request! I was wondering if maybe you could write about Noritoshi comforting non-binary- reader about being trans/non-binary? Again thank you sm for putting up with all of my noritoshi ask ^_^

OF COURSE OMG ITS AN HONOR TO TAKE YOUR REQUESTS :'))))))) I love writing for Noritoshi (as you can all tell lmao) and you always have such cute ideas!!! I hope I was able to do the scenario justice here-- I kinda ended up going down a self conscious/uncomfortable in body route which I hope is okay but lmk if you'd like a different scenario!

Also, I wrote for a non-binary reader but if you'd like a transgender reader version I can definitely whip that up so just lmk <3 I'd love to take more of your requests when my inbox opens back up in a few days!! Much love to you <3 <3

I Love You for You

Fluff

Noritoshi Kamo x non-binary!reader

Warnings: negative self image

You know those days where everything just feels... off?

Your hair isn't going right, your outfit looks wrong, you have a weird, uncomfortable sensation flowing through your body at all times?

Yeah?

That's how you felt today.

There was no rhyme or reason for you to be experiencing such dread like this, but you were, and you absolutely hated it. You pulled down at the hem of your oversized sweatshirt, an outfit choice much too warm for the hot sun beaming down on you, but you couldn't bear to wear anything more revealing while you were in a state of self loathing. You finally slowed your jog to a walking pace, happy to be finished with today's brutal training. You made your way to a tree, relishing in the shade of the leaves, but it did little to cool you down. As you tried to catch your breath from your previous exercise, you spied Noritoshi on his way to you, a bottle of water in his hand.

"You're getting better at training every day, y/n. I'm proud of your hard work," he said, handing you the bottle with a hint of a smile on his lips. You eagerly downed the drink, grateful for the chance to cool your insides. Unfortunately, it didn't work all too well, and you were back to sweating up a storm.

"You can take your sweatshirt off, you know. It's not public indecency," your boyfriend joked, tugging at the cuff of your sleeve. You quickly yanked your arm away, avoiding eye contact with the man who was now frowning.

"I'm fine," you mumbled, looking off into the distance. "It's not that hot."

Noritoshi could tell immediately that something wasn't right with you, but he wasn't the pushy type. He understood that sometimes, people had things going on that they didn't want to talk about, and he respected that. However, he wasn't going to let you suffer in the blazing heat.

"C'mon." He nodded toward the dorm kitchen. "Let's grab something to eat."

"I'm not hungry. You go ahead."

Okay, he knew something was really wrong.

"Obviously I know something's bothering you and you don't have to tell me what, but could you please at least go inside? I don't want you to get heatstroke," he said, his gray eyes filled with worry.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," you said, not meeting his gaze, "and then I'm gonna take a nap. See you."

You hurried away from Noritoshi, not wanting him to look at you anymore. When you didn't feel comfortable in your own skin, you didn't want others to see you and any time you were with Noritoshi, it was like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and you weren't in the mood to explain all of your self doubts that he probably already guessed you were experiencing. When you got in the shower, you tried to scrub away all the feelings of self consciousness, but when you were drying off and spotted yourself in the mirror, they all came back. You ran back to your dorm as quick as you could, thankfully without running into anyone else you knew. With a sigh, you threw yourself on your bed and laid in silence, too upset to attempt to sleep like your original plan was. You stared at the ceiling, wishing you could just ignore these thoughts. For you, being nonbinary was the perfect way to express your identity, and most days, everything was fine and you were positively content with yourself. On the days you were plagued with self image issues, though, you found yourself wondering how you could look better, fit in more. Would people respect you if you dressed differently or if you aligned with a certain gender instead of rejecting that notion as a whole? You groaned.

If I changed all of that about me, then I wouldn't be me.

You were kicked out of your thoughts by a knock at the door. You ignored it, hoping the person would go away.

"I know you're in there and I know you're not napping. You can't sleep when you're upset."

Yep, Noritoshi knows you too well.

"Come in," you huffed, though you were secretly relieved he came to find you. If there was anyone who could lift your spirits, it was him. Your boyfriend walked over to your bed after setting a bag of food on the table. Your stomach growled in anticipation of the delicious meal he brought, making him laugh a bit.

"I also knew you were lying when you said you weren't hungry."

Noritoshi laid on the bed next to you, resting his chin in his hand and staring at you with a mix of fondness and concern. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I... no, it's dumb. I'll get over it."

"Do you want to get over it or work through it?"

You sat up, your eyebrows furrowing. "Are you always this profound?"

"Only around you, my love."

You playfully scoffed as he patiently continued to wait for you to speak your mind, because of course he knew you would when you were ready.

You took a deep breath. "It's about me. My body and my... identity."

That got his attention as he, too, sat up to show you he was taking you seriously.

"Today has been really, really, crappy for me in terms of accepting myself. I don't know why, but it was just impossible. Every time I looked at myself, I... didn't like what I saw. I didn't feel like I deserved to stand by your side as your partner and that's why I ran away earlier. Being nonbinary is great and it's how I want to express myself but today, it just... it didn't feel right."

He nodded solemnly. "Do you think you would feel better if you didn't use a label at all? Would that help ease some of these feelings? Maybe you wouldn't be so hard on yourself if you didn't feel pressured to fit in a certain group."

"I see where you're coming from, but nonbinary is still what feels right," you said. "It's just hard sometimes, you know?"

"Admittedly, I don't, but I do know what it's like to feel out of place or like you don't belong somewhere. But, y/n," he said, earnestly grabbing your hands in his own, "I don't ever want you to feel like that around me. I want to be that safe space where you feel totally, completely comfortable just being yourself. You're so kind, funny, and you have a heart of gold. I could list a million more different attributes that I find so wonderful about you. I'm honored to have you as a partner. I love you for you, and you should, too. Don't be afraid to show the world just how special you are."

Noritoshi gave your hands a squeeze before leaning in to give you a gentle kiss, his soft lips leaving you breathless. When you both pulled away, he kept his forehead against yours, noses brushing one another.

"There's nobody more attractive than you, no matter how you dress, do your hair, or otherwise present or label yourself. You're perfect the way you are." He pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead. "And I will tell you that as many times as it takes for you to believe it." Another kiss, this time on both of your cheeks. "Got it?"

"Mmm, maybe another kiss like that first one will make me remember," you teased, causing Noritoshi to blush. It felt great to know that no matter what you were going through, you had a wonderful person there by your side to support you the best he could.

[mikisspeak]

Different love

Luffy x Male! Reader (Fits for trans males too)

⛔️MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, YOU’LL BE BLOCKED⛔️

Cw: Mention of christian family(Reader), homo in denial, just a homo confession.

_•*•_

This wasn’t possible.

Neither correct.

How did this even happened?

A lot of questions ran over your head the last days.

You were a straw hat, you joined after Luffy, your handsome captain, saved your village from a strong crew of pirates, it was normal to be so devoted to him..Right? But something felt off; at start you thought you were just too thankful for Luffy saving the ones you loved and taking you like his new nakama, but with the time you realized it wasn’t that easy. Every time he smiled at you when you arrived the kitchen to eat with the crew, when he stretched his rubber arms to you and hug you tightly after being lost on the new island you guys arrived to, every little smile he gave you..Everything made your heart pound strongly on your chest; your cheeks heat up and your pressure raise.

But no.

It couldn’t be.

You liked women, it was always like that, or at least that was what your parents told you when you were little, men with women-women with men.

This was a sin, but you couldn’t help but think that if you had to choose between heaven and kissing him, you could burn in hell with happiness on your face.

There was a problem tho. He never liked no one. The most beautiful woman in the Grand Line, Boa Hancock, was head over heels for him and he just dared to leave her hanging as he did with every beautiful woman on the seas. What got you sure it would be different for you? Luffy was always so unaware of sexual and romantic attraction, he was probably aro-ace, so confessing to him was a probably loosing game.

But you couldn’t with the feeling anymore, that heavy weight on your chest every time he said you were friends..

“Just friends.” You thought when he mentioned it the first time.

You didn’t wanted to be friends with him, you wanted to hold him every night near of you, to be able to tell him how much you loved him whenever you wanted without being asked by the others. You had to do it.

“I like you, Luffy.”

You pronounced, you finally had the courage to tell him your feelings after seeing the opportunity when, after dinner, he happened to be alone on the upper deck.

Luffy looked confused at you, his head tilted slightly and his eyebrow went up while the other furrowed.

“Ya’ like me?” He asked rhetorically, his confusion turned into his usual and pretty smile.

“I like you too ___! You’re my best friend after all.”

Those words sank hard on your heart, did he understood it? Maybe he ignored it? You sighed and proceeded to explain better.

“No but..- Not as a friend! More like..I, uh.”

You breathed again inhaling and exhaling to calm down before gaining enough courage.

“Luffy. I love you. Not as a friend, neither a nakama. I love you like a couple would.”

His face froze, he stood in shock in front of you, turning everything really awkward. You looked down, his eyes were the thing you wanted to avoid right now. Then, while your sight was still down to the wood floor, you heard a chuckle.

Before you could get up your sight, a wild Luffy was already getting over you, wrapping you in his rubber arms and swinging you around with strength and a smile that could burn the sun.

“I love you too!” He said with a happy and loud tone, it was a miracle no one was hearing the conversation at this point.

Your face turned from confusion to happiness and a little giggle left your lips as you captured his cheeks on your hands and kissed him, the thing you wanted to do since the very first day was finally a chance. You wouldn’t change this moment for anything. At all.

“So? Then we’re a couple?!” He asked happily, a small coral-pink blush adorned his pretty face. He let you go and waited for an answer.

“Of course Luffy.”

Suddenly—and it shouldn’t have been a surprise— claps and cheers were heard from behind the mast of the deck, from there Zoro, Nami and Usopp came out. Cheering happily from what they already knew from a long time, but they could finally be able to presence.

Your face tinted red as you stared shyly at your crew mates, Luffy, so uninterested as always just received the cheers with a big smile.

But, on the inside, you were happy, did happiness actually existed for pirates? Could you really be happy with him? This was like a dream come true you never wanted to end. Now you knew it wasn’t a sin neither something bad, it was love, a pure love…

A different love.

A/N: Short but i loved it! Hope ya’ like it too. Remember I’m takin’ requests.

[gwemmieee]

If you prefer not to receive feedback or discussion, it might be helpful to consider how the spaces of tags for minority communities operate instead of attributing responses to being "watched" when you’ve initiated the conversation in our space.

I tried expressing appreciation (arguably even cheering) for your capability to learn, grow, and change as a person, that I'm willing to help bridge the understanding gap, and you think I'm not humanizing you?

As I mentioned, you've been asked to clarify your stance more than once. When you do, there is a tendency to either agree with the harmful points you initially denied, or focus on your trauma with the seeming expectation of consolation, which can be harmful in itself (majority fragility).

This isn’t about what you've said regarding just one group; it’s about how your continual focus on how difficult it is for /you/ to consider the possibility of saying something hurtful dominates the discussion, making the issue out to be that minorities are just being mean and bullying you.

"what you're so certain I believe" I’ve made two attempts to clarify that it is about how things are "taken as" and "how I see it," rather than being certain about your beliefs.

You don't have to imagine, as I am willing to explain how what is coming across is harmful, hopefully from another perspective that works this tim, as many have already tried explaining only to be met with trauma dumping (as you do not consider the harm in talking about how much masculinity has traumatized you [and that transmascs are a part of it], that trans women have "extra bonus oppression" on a post discussing how transmasc oppression is erased or otherwise minimized, a group who may struggle to accept, often due to punishment and demonization for, their masculinity)

You have so much to say about what I'm doing wrong, but you continue to ignore power imbalances in this situation.

Firstly, I feel deeply uncomfortable with your repeated decision to only communicate with me via anonymous asks, as it puts me in a position in which I cannot engage in this discussion without publicizing my every word. I'm not going to engage any further if this pattern continues.

If you want to insist that I've done something wrong, then have an ounce of consideration for the visibility and cruelty of online public conversations. We all know what I'm talking about. Say the wrong thing, and you're met with dogpiling and abuse. I've already been dogpiled once. Which is the entire reason why this has gone as poorly as it has, and created another power imbalance.

I'm literally afraid of not responding to you because you claim to speak for a collective, without any clear indication of who you are, and I've already been made to feel very backed into a corner. Every time you continue to ignore this and make claims of what I've said that I don't agree with, it constitutes what looks from my perspective like gaslighting, ostracization, and abuse. And the longer you make me fill my blog with these interactions, the more I worry that I'm going to be dropped by a lot of people and left behind in obscurity for being too "weird," too "dramatic," etc.

I began my entry into that discussion very deliberately practicing and showing consideration for everyone who I imagined might read it and how they might feel. As a fallible human, I didn't do a flawless job. What followed, however, was a total lack of consideration for my feelings. The longer you ignore the realities of dogpiling and what kind of deeply paranoid and torturous mental state it puts me and many others in, the more you prove that my own well-being is only worth anything to you if I can be made to perfectly believe exactly what you want me to.

Please either be considerate of these things, and stop being anonymous and making this even scarier and trickier for me, or leave me the fuck alone. There is nothing I have heard about the struggles of the trans masc community that I have not understood and agreed with. I'm not the dangerous transandrophobia denier that you seem to be afraid of. That post I made earlier that triggered this chain of asks from you was not for you. It was for me and everyone I can trust to treat me fairly.

I genuinely apologize for anything I've said that anyone feels was hurtful. Is that enough to make you either go away or engage with me in a fair and respectful way? Please?

[arromantica-lucha]

i got a lot of thoughts about loveless by alice oseman and if this post seems very one sided well thats just how it read to me. my opinion isnt the end-all and i value how everyone interpreted and was affected by this book. this isnt a closed topic lets talk about it

gripes with loveless by alice oseman

took a while to actually explain that ace and aro are two separate identities and still not that well. it makes aro seem like a subset of ace which is entirely false. its cool there was an aroallo character involved but still

the book title 'loveless' is a real term and identity and the entirety of the book kinda shits on it by enforcing the ideal that its still okay to be aspec cause platonic love can be experienced and any type of love is required or at least better than "not feeling anything and being alone forever"

it was weird for her friends to forgive her over gestures that had nothing to do with apologizing before georgia actually apologized and explained but that may just be more of a personal thing that i didnt like. likewise the story being about platonic love it kinda sucks her deepest connection is with her roommate and not the people shes known for years and wronged

kinda sex negative. i mean rooney says she doesnt dislike casual sex but then that whole thing becomes the reason she hates herself and a reason to cope with being "unloveable" and its kinda lame. you can tell that story without making it seem like casual sex is just a means of devaluing yourself. and you can be sex repulsed and still not do that. it just feels unfair to aroallo people especially who are told they are monsters for enjoying and only wanting casual sex when this book is supposed to be about aromanticism too

(can we also be done with harry potter references??? lets stop hurting trans and jewish people thanks)

basically particular identities' stories shouldnt come at the expense of others and other ways of life. its great and important to write different experiences because no one is gonna relate to them all but no one has to replace romantic love with ANY type of love to feel good about themselves and be human. loveless and aplatonic people shouldnt have to read something that uses rhetoric against their identities within a book about aspec people

things i like about loveless

i didnt relate to it personally but the experiences felt very genuine. internalized aphobia, being hounded by aphobic comments, finding it hard to portray love even in a fictional or artistic sense, etc.

I appreciate the references to race and intersectionality that come with being queer even if they were minimal. so few times is it actually acknowledged that there is privilege when it comes to being understood, coming out, being accepted, etc. the references to that were nice to see because too often intersectionality being brought up is brushed off and blatantly ignored or people pretend like they understand

it was written by someone who is aroace even if there are some things that can be less isolating within the aspec community with the language being used. someone being open about their identities and how they choose to define them in the mainstream world is how we get more peoples voices in there

it has helped people discover their own identity though id still recommend further research on the actual identities being named and ones not named. these stories are the first introduction of aspec identities in mainstream and that hopefully means itll start to expand to other identities within that community that have not yet had representation

this should be the start of developing more rep. the first takes are not gonna represent everyone and its a good thing it exists to tell a few peoples story. but that doesnt mean it should be free from any criticism because thats how we make them continuously better. i hope to see an aroallo character soon. i want the term loveless to be properly used in media and expressed for what it is. i want to stop pretending like ace is the umbrella term for all aspec identities. i want amatonormativity explained as the sociological term it is that harms all life not just aromantic and polyamorous people. i want a polyam aspec character and polyam characters in general. i want disabled and ethnic aspec characters where the intersectionality is just as important to the narrative. i want a whole lot more and to stop prentending like any of that should be unreasonable

[greenbergsays]

Okay but I’ve been in this body for forty four years and literally just in the last two months I think I’ve finally figured out my gender. Think being the key word, we’ll see if it sticks. I’m AFAB and just always kinda assumed I was cis cause well, I wasn’t trans. But I realized that I also don’t care about how I’m gendered or pronouned, it’s all eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to me, use what you want. Then I heard someone use the term “gender apathetic” and YES. That’s it, sounds perfect to me. So I’m not cis, trans or some secret third thing, I just don’t care 🤣

I don't really know what I am, except that I don't think I'm cisgendered hence why I've taken on nonbinary. It's a nice umbrella term, like "queer," that says, "who knows but Not That."

I don't even know why it matters to me to understand it at this stage in my life, because I've never actually cared before beyond the stubborn belief that what's between my legs shouldn't dictate anything about my life, including how I'm viewed or treated

[Side note: I have always intensely hated that men will not allow me, an AFAB/fem-presenting person, to hold the door open for them as a courtesy, and my mother has never really understood why I have such a problem with them refusing to walk through said door]

The only reason I can think of on why it matters is I've spent my whole life feeling Othered in one way or another and every time I find a label that explains why I feel a particular way, it settles that part of wounded-teenager-slash-inner-child that's convinced that I'm broken. Because if there's a label, that means a bunch of other people the same way and I'm not alone or weird.

That being said, I've spent more than half my life being Aunt [Dessie] and I can't see that changing to any other title. Like, weirdly, Aunt and Sister and even Daughter don't feel gendered to me, it's part of who I am and if I'm any of those things but my brain sort of slides sideways when I'm referred to as a girl/woman, then...well, then nothing is as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it out to be

idk man, the human brain is just super messy and complicated and the fact that we try to put everyone into boxes when those boxes never fit quite right is just weird and very, very sad

I wish it didn't matter and we could just BE without worrying about having to explain ourselves or face repercussions because we feel This Way instead of That Way

[polyamorouspunk]

Hi, just wanted to vent. I recently told me mum that I'm polyamorous and have another gf and I was just so disappointed in her reaction. She wasn't mean or unaccepting or anything so I feel so stupid for for feeling this way.

I gave her a letter via my sibling that still lives at home and when they told me they had given it to her I was super nervous all day. She took all day to reply to me (she is a self employed landlord so the fact she was too busy to get back to me straightaway is all self imposed) and even then it was my sibling who had to phone me in the end to have her talk to me. I poured my heart out to her in the letter, talking about how this was me involving her in my life and how anxious I was. And she just said something about how she didn't have a problem with it and it was really a "private matter" whatever that means. She also compared me to my cheating grandad (dad's side) and speculated on whether it ran in the family. She also doesn't seem that interested in my new gf (idk how else to refer to her) and only asks about the gf she previously knew about when on the phone.

I just wanted to have a real emotional conversation with me and she's clearly oblivious to that or doesn't care. She also will never approve of me telling my grandparents (her patents) and so won't give me any help with that which I know without asking because she won't tell them about my sibling being nonbinary.

It sounds pretty bad now that I've written it out so I feel less bad about being upset. Thank you if you take the time to read this

- 🐇💕

I never came out to my mom until my brother did first.

My brother was the first one to come out as gay, though as my mom says, he never had to, she ‘just knew’.

Me? I had to come out. And even when I came out I still got asked if I was allowed to call myself gay.

I never really outright told my mom I was “trans” either. She jokingly would call me “My boy!” And I would enjoy it, but then told me referring to me as a “son” was weird. But I agreed.

I never told my mom when I had other partners. To be honest, it just wasn’t worth it, just like it’s not worth it to argue with people over my pronouns or whatever or people assuming I’m cis or calling myself a lesbian without explaining that actually I like men too or whatever. It just wasn’t worth it.

But I hated myself for being polyam. I despised myself. I had so much internal shame that I had heard people talk about having for being gay or trans but had never understood in those regards.

I knew my brother’s dad had cheated on my mom and my dad had cheated on her, and I didn’t want to be compared to that.

My mom was fine with my brother being polyam, though, so I said I was too. But that’s all I’ve really said. I honestly don’t know the details of my brother’s dating situation anymore but it’s not any of my business.

She felt she was the one who had to tell my grandparents about my brother being gay, and probably me too.

My mom tells me about her ‘dating life’ which honestly I don’t really care to hear about, and I’m not really a fan of when she prys into mine.

While it’s not a “private” matter I think it’s a personal one, and one that’s to be disclosed at one’s discretion.

There will be people who understand parts of us but not others. I don’t think we can ever fully, truly understand someone else. How we support them- or I guess, don’t- is what matters.

And people come around sometimes. People change. Sometimes for better or for worse.

It can be hard to care for someone you see as… intruding… into what you know, even if it’s about someone else’s life. But I hope that maybe she can come to see them somewhat as equals. Not that one partner is more important than the other, that one matters and the other doesn’t. But just two seperate but equal entities.

[ihatepeoplesomuchuwu]

As a POC, CSA survivor, and both trans & queer - Tom should've educated himself. He had no right to step his foot into racism that /he/ has not experienced. I've had a genuine brick thrown in my face because I spoke Spanish. /Because I spoke Spanish./

GaG is nothing /but/ hate, and it worries me that the "let's agree to disagree" mentality is being spread here. It's dangerous. It's scary to think you guys would still want to support a creator - who's fandom had poc and was mainly LGBT - who looked down upon us. It's common sense, that he did not have. I don't wish death threats upon anyone, and I am so terribly sorry he experienced that. But I am happy he is gone. Let him learn and actually research before he steps his foot into issues he does not belong in.

His fandom that he created felt betrayed, hurt, and as if we were used for money. I still do. I do not support him. The only support he deserves, is therapy and actual learning. Not babying and coddling. People need to realize that just because you have freedom to like something, doesn't free you of consequence and opinion. I hope he stays gone, in all respect. And I hope all of his supporters that "he did nothing wrong" also grow up and get help. Listen to POC, queer, jew, and disabled voices.

I am so so sorry you went through that. I won't pretend by saying I understand how you're feeling, but just know that I'm so sorry you went through/go through all of that. You are very strong, and I hope one day things do get better, not just for you but any and everyone who has gone through that.

As for the GaG agree to disagree subject. The agree to disagree thing was for the Tom situation in general, not only for the GaG. I have been talking about them because I'm trying to educate myself on who they are as people and only recently learned about their actions. I can't speak for all of us, but some of us are just here to discuss stuff. Not all of us are or will continue to support Tom. You have people who love lurking for love, still do but don't want to buy anything or continuing to follow Tom if he comes back. You have others who will. You have others who don't. We all understand that here, and we shouldn't be telling others what to do in their lives. We can disagree and move on, of course, but yelling and being rude only drives people away faster.

Why drive him away, though? I didn't even agree with everything he said, but why couldn't we have had a conversation with him about it instead of telling him what was wrong with what was said? People mess up all the time. It happens, and we shouldn't be screaming insults at someone who had his own opinions and side of the story. Both sides were handled poorly, and I still stand by that this should have been handled privately like adults.

I understand. A lot of people were hurt, and no one here is looking down on those who were hurt. This is meant to be a place where people can talk from both sides about what happened without getting insulted, It doesn't matter if I or anyone agrees or not. This is a safe place for those who don't know where to go when they can't feel welcomed or safe to say, even ONE opinion. You want to call it babying and coddling, then fine, No one is stopping you. But sometimes, all someone needs to understand is someone to just hold their hand and explain. Especially when Tom even asked for proof of the comic artist being a Nazi and only 1 person helped him. People sometimes just need help to understand or get the whole picture. My dad never understood being trans. He even said transphobic things to my face, but all It took was time and explaining, and now he defends anyone who is trans and even when I came out to him.

I can not add on the racism part because I have never experienced racism. I'm not going to even pretend I do because racism is an awful to see and I can't even imagine how it must feel to experience it first hand. I am so sorry that you have and I'm sorry to anyone who has as well.

With everything being said, I hope you have a wonderful day or night, anon, and please remember to hydrate as well, okay? ^^

[theforesteldritch]

I hate how my choices when accessing certain types of medical care are either be vague and have them assume I’m a trans woman and face the transphobia and transmisogyny that comes with that, and also then having them think I’m something I’m not, or say that I’m intersex and face the intersexism, explain everything in detail to not be understood or even believed because they will ask really invasive unnecessary questions about my body and often just have them assume I’m a trans woman anyways, and not understand anything I say. There is no way for me to just get a bone mineral density scan without bullshit. Im not mad at being mistaken for a trans woman in general, trans women are awesome as fuck and it’s not an insult or anything, but it shows that no one is listening to me about my medical history and no one gives a shit to learn about intersex people in particular. And I’m also trans in the other direction. I literally said no when asked if I was on hormones or hormone blockers and then 5 minutes later the same radiology tech asked me how long I’ve been on androgen blockers. I’m not my body is just fucking like that!!!!

[possessionisamyth]

Every time I see the occasional floating SU post talking about how no one understood The Point, I both get it and immediately recognize that, due to the complex hate vortex created on tumblr during its run, people have selective memory for what legitimate and illegitimate criticisms were being made for the show. Heres a short list, do not add to it:

-the racism from outside and inside the house (human zoo full of brown people, entire bismuth plotline, white people saying garnet isn't black "shes an alien" which also happened for all of her fusions, blatant silencing of black teens written of as "the discourse" whenever they made decent talking points about anything, etc)

-people crucifying rebecca sugar for drawing illicit material as a minor (something a lot of ppl who do art or likes art makes or consumes when they get really into drawing or shipping)

-people shouting "rebecca sugar is jewish! she knows what she's doing" to any criticism at all to silence other people just engaging with the show and stating things they didn't like about certain episodes

-the reveal of rose quartz, the beautiful fat character we spent all this time learning bits and pieces about, being a skinny tall girl(pink diamond) in essentially a fat suit

-homophobic and transphobic people capitalizing on the discourse tags to shout louder and louder about small things that'd go under the radar of any other show further poisoning the cesspool (dumb shit like peridot being child coded)

-how the SU crew handled advertising when they really shouldn't have been doing any marketing ( the concrete reveal and immediate backtracking) and I do blame CN for not doing more actual marketing and trying to bank on social media clout with animators who are not equiped for this

-people asking for lowered stakes when it comes to the diamonds whole schtick because of the implications, and they could predict what the showrunners would do based on previous plotlines

-people upset because during a time where we were getting a fascism free sample(drump), the imaginary fascists get a handshake and a "okay, restorative justice time" moment

-severe lack of understanding that the show was cut short due to the ruby/sapphire wedding, and the movie and sequel series was an attempt to make up for it, and i can't say whether or not this was done well because I dropped out of SU before the movie dropped

In summary, I do think Steven Universe was important. It did do a lot of things well, and it helped open more doors for other creators to do more fun gay and trans stuff in their shows including handling difficult topics. Whether those other shows handle ALL those topics well isn't something I'm going to waste my breath on. If the writing captivates me then it captivates me, and now whether or not it's good is always second to whether or not I find it fun.

My little brother and I watched SU together like we did Gravity Falls and Adventure Time, and I was able to use the metaphor of Stevonnie to explain my nonbinary status to him without any issue. However, at some point for me, I stopped finding the show fun, and I know for a lot of people sucked into the tumblr hate vortex that meant they had to equate the show as Bad.

I don't know if I'll sit myself down and watch the movie or follow up series, but this isn't because I think they're bad. I simply have gotten back into actual adult fiction books and comics, so a lot of YA or kids content haven't been hitting those same brain spots with me like they used to when I was a minor or a young 20 something trying to figure out how to be a person.

There's more I could say about how lgbt+ writing and art is held under a tighter microscope than the most milquetoast cishet content, but there's already dozens of posts floating around that explain it better than I feel like doing at this hour.

What I will say though, is if you loved SU at first and you started to hate it, like genuinely hate it, maybe take the time to figure out when the hate started, what caused that hatred, and why you hated it, especially now that you don't have every other post on your feed talking about how SU sucks yelling in your ear.

[malocclusive]

Big queer gender rambling, just a lil vent. Not angry or sad, more just release I guess hah

H put on a video essay about queer horror and auhhhhhh

Everything boils down to the whole "am I trans enough" thing, but also my own relationship with gender. Idk man. I don't know how I feel, I just don't want my gender to be something taken into consideration when I'm perceived. I don't DISLIKE femininity, it just makes me uncomfortable with all the baggage it prescribes to me.

Listening to this sort of thing always makes me feel dizzy when I watch/listen to it with a cishet person. Ive obviously rarely been in that situation, but it's like this weird visceral pleading that they take something away from it and understand a little bit more? It's like a combo flight/fawn feeling with a yearning for understanding that is completely up to the other person. Haha typing that out physically relaxed me a little, which is weird. I guess journaling is good, thank Christ I got back on Tumblr. Having your existence cradled in someone else's hands is a weird feeling.

I kinda wish I had transitioned and all at the beginning of last year, since I changed schools, and didn't have a presence. I don't really get upset when referred to as my given name (dead name? Idk if I even wanna go by Mal, but I like it and it makes me happy when I hear it) or feel anything about it. Same thing with being referred to as "she" as opposed to "he/they" I was thinking about this while driving yesterday, and how to explain it to a cishet person, especially one I know. It's sort of like if you were to only refer to someone you know as "that person". It's a neutral statement, but it doesn't make you feel seen or understood. "yeah, that person is my coworker" is a lot more alienating than referring to them as how they're asking you to. It's not offensive, but it shows you don't care about how they view themselves or want to be seen. Hearing people refer to me by Mal and they/he just makes my ears perk up and my tail wag a little bit. That's just kinda what it feels like. I don't get upset or feel bad being referred to as I have been for the past 32 years, but that's just how it's been. I'm excited for what can be.

I think it's just the whole waiting process for gender affirming care is the hardest part. I'm ready to go, baby! But I understand that I have to rely on others and their schedules for my top surgery and all. I'm not upset, it's just a mildly disappointing fact and state of reality. I've never used a binder because of my extreme dislike of feeling my breasts sagging and being pressed against my ribcage. I barely can stand not wearing a bra/sports bra/built in bra cami because of that feeling. I don't like them being pressed down lower, and am blessed that they're "perky" especially for their size. They're also fucking massive, especially compared to my ribcage, and I know I couldn't really "pass" wearing a binder. I'd just look more cylindrical than anything. Never bothered trying because of that. Honestly, I'd rather exist as is than introducing further dysphoria in that way.

I also love that I'm constantly telling myself I don't experience dysphoria when I also realized in the past 7 years or so I just avoid looking at my body or photographing myself anywhere below my armpits. Originally I thought it was because I'd gained weight, but nah, that's not it. It's part of it, but honestly I just hate having tits hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Just 10 more days before I get my consultation. I hate waiting for things to happen, but I'm SO excited.

Just in general, I'm extremely desperate for my feelings to be validated. I (usually in all things) know how I feel, but need someone to say the same thing without much prompting for me to believe it. I'm 110% the type to decide not to drink, but then give in the second I'm offered something. I'm very easily swayed towards something I already want, but will abstain unless it's reinforced. I need to be told I'm a good person, and that I'm also correct in whatever I'm thinking. I think that's also the hardest part of all this transitioning stuff. There is no correct answer, and whether or not someone else thinks I'm whatever enough doesn't really matter. I just have a real hard time with it

I know I'm not alone in that, but there's that hahaha

I'm also SO excited to come out at school to my students. I have/interact with a good hunk of trans kids, and I think they'll be as excited as I am. Idk, just to feel seen, I would have loved that when I was their age.

Told a college friend of mine I was transitioning, and she was one of the first to say "I'm not surprised". I literally wore a suit to my junior prom, which my Gramma was so concerned about, she called my psych teacher (who was running the event) to know if I would get kicked out. I refer to myself as a dude (I can't tell you how obnoxious it is to say "I'm the king of _______" and some acquaintance/coworker goes "queen" as a correction. What the fuck? Did you think I don't know what I'm saying? That I forgot? I made a choice, dingus) all the fucking time around everyone, why is that dismissed? Like even close personal friends are like "oh, wow". Bro, you've been around since I tried referring to myself by gender neutral pronouns, I just didn't have a big coming out or constantly correct you. But I think that's just asking a lot of someone to keep tabs on when you bring something up and then get disappointed and stop bothering.

Hopefully being visually confusing will give folks enough cognitive dissonance to second guess and ask me.

Idk where I'm going with this any more.

[invisiblefoxfire]

Perfect Tuesday!

Been trying to do a weekly positivity thing called Perfect Tuesdays where I am determined to have a good day, no matter how I have to twist things in my mind to justify them being good. It's been pretty useful! I missed a couple weeks because I had some Tuesdays that really couldn't be salvaged (and hey, that happens sometimes), but this week I'm back on my bullshit, bitches.

Original post complete with disclaimers for what this is and isn't: https://invisiblefoxfire.tumblr.com/post/749823249934860288/im-initiating-a-new-weekly-tradition-called

And now for this week! 25th June 2024

Woke up nice and early! Been doing that for over a week actually, thanks to the help of some new medication. I have methylphenidate for my ADHD focus issues, but now I'm also taking a low dose of clonidine for the hyperactivity and emotional dysregulation. I'm astonished by how well it's working. I'm able to fall asleep at night with very little struggle, without a need for alcohol to settle my nerves, and then I'm able to wake up at a pretty decent hour, usually between 7 and 9, without any need for an alarm. (I work from home, so I don't have to get up at any specific time.) It's been amazing getting up, doing my morning routine, getting a bunch of stuff done, then realizing it's still only like 1 pm!

Saw the allergist after not being allowed antihistamines for 4 days so we could do a skin test. This allergist remains possibly my favorite doctor of all time. He is very autistic about his job, very kind and friendly, and has never once so much as suggested that even my weirdest, most invisible symptoms are anything other than real and, at worst, not yet understood.

Seriously, today I told him about a symptoms no one has ever heard of (some of my medications stopped working after I had covid) and instead of suggesting it's psychosomoatic or anxiety or whatever, he said someone should study me because I'm surely not the only one desperate for answers, however rare this thing might be.

Anyway, blood tests so far show no sign of MCAS, but he assured me that doesn't definitively mean I don't have it, it's just hard to test for and we'll keep checking. It did show signs of histamine intolerance, which might also explain a lot of my symptoms, so he's inviting me to try a low-histamine diet for a bit just to see if I feel better (and if so, it's up to me whether I want to keep that up long term or not).

Skin test confirmed grass pollen allergies are pretty serious, and while I'm not allergic to birch (which is why tree pollen blood tests have been negative), I am allergic to other trees in the spring. Dust mites only reacted a tiny bit, but he's letting me try dust mite allergy innoculation tablets anyway just to see if they help.

At the end of the appointment he gave me permission to start my antihistamines again, and I made a big show of immediately taking them out of my backpack and victoriously swallowing the pill without water, which made him laugh.

I stopped at a pet shop on the way home because the animals are cute! And bought my cat a fun new toy. I hope he likes it!

Also stopped on the way home at a medical supply shop which is apparently the only place you can buy PH test papers in this country. So now I finally have those! Will make it easier to check that my pickles are safe and good to eat.

Final stop was the greasy burger shop around the corner. Their lunch menu gives you a huge burger, a pile of the most delicious fries that have ever graced this earth, and a cup of their very nice homemade iced tea. It's so much food (and so delicious) that I typically eat the fries for lunch, am too full to continue, then eat the burger for dinner. (The fries aren't good later but the burger stays great, hence the split). Been trying to avoid eating there too much because my cholesterol is a little high, but sometimes you need a little treat! Delicious!

Today is injection day (hell yeah for HRT, trans rights forever) and I started preparing by taking my clonazepam (to chill me out) and putting some numbing cream on the injection site which takes an hour to work. It's still doing its thing right now. But the incredible thing is, the pill is actually working! I can feel it! This is one of the medications that hasn't worked properly since I had covid last year, and it's giving me hope that maybe others will finally start to work too! Absolutely life changing if I can rely on tramadol to help with pain when I really need it... (Please note I only use it on occasion and have no risk of dependence because I carefully track how much I take.)

It's really hot out but I got all my errands done before the temperature got out of hand, and now I'm inside and the fan is actually doing a pretty good job of keeping me from overheating. (We do not have air conditioning generally available in this country.) It's still not a comfortable temperature, but I'm appreciating how much worse it might otherwise have been if I hadn't mustered up the energy to dig out the fan from under the bed and put it together last week.

Had a really super stressful situation the last few days, looked at an apartment which seemed perfect but the location was awful and the owners were being a little pushy and kind of shady. Ultimately I decided not to take it, worried the whole time that I might be making a bad decision. But I'm feeling so much better today! I know it was the right decision. And now I'm finding a new appreciation for where I live now. There's a lot that sucks about living here, but there are shops and restaurants and fast food joints all very close by, people I know who live in the building, and several types of public transport that can take me anywhere in the city. I really could be living in a worse place. I still do want to move for a lot of reasons, but it's nice to take a moment now and then to focus on the good instead of the bad.

That's all for now! Might update later if I get the time. Still have plenty more day left!

Join me in sharing your Perfect Tuesday if you like! Tag it with #perfecttuesdays or #perfect tuesdays so I can see what you've been up to!

[femme-enby]

I’m gonna share my thoughts on something. A few things. All boiling down to one conclusion.

So, I’m sure most of us have seen some sort of discourse on who can and who can’t identify as a lesbian, what it means to be a lesbian, etc.

Well I some folks were fussin about a trans man identifying as a lesbian.

Here are my thoughts.

Firstly- “lesbian” has changed its commonly understood definition a multitude of times. From “woman with any sort of attraction to women in any degree” (meaning you could just be a REALLY big fan of how pretty women are, and cuddling them, but you were also romantically and sexually attracted to men as well, and you’d still have been considered a lesbian) to “non-man attracted to non-men exclusively” to “woman attracted to women only” and back to “non-man attracted to non-men.”

But here’s the thing… gender is fake. It is a social construct. It doesn’t exist as an actual thing. That doesn’t mean you aren’t the gender you identify as, but simply that… it’s even less of a “thing” than the concept of time and how we measure it. You still should respect others and their identity, your identity is still valid… but also the only truth is we are all humans.

Another thing is… for seemingly a large majority of trans men, there are certain experiences from when they identified as a girl/woman, from being perceived as a girl/woman, that has a significant impact on them. Us. It doesn’t matter if I become strong enough to lift someone who is 300lbs without breaking a sweat… I will always be listening attentively when walking around at night. I will always remember the things that happened to me, how I was treated, how those things changed who I would become and how my brain would develop and view the world. I will never be a man in the same exact way a cis man is.

IMO, “trans ____ are ____.” Is in reality just a severe simplification for something cisgender people will NEVER be TRULY capable of understanding. Because how can you get cisgender people, let alone cisgender HETEROSEXUAL people to truly grasp that while they should view and treat trans men/women AS men/women… there will always be that lived experience as the other.

Between the lived experience as both, or all, or however you view your PERSONAL experience with gender, that can impact how you see the world, how you experience attraction, and what label feels most accurate to who you are and how you feel.

ALSO, as much as some might not like to consider it… some transgender people will take their genitalia into account when considering what label best suits their sexuality.

So, again, for the sake of giving a PAINFULLY simplified example, imagine a person who lived up to say, 25 identifying or at least largely presenting as a woman. Going through all the bullshit that comes with that. Then they openly identify as a trans man. Maybe that dude is also still in touch with, enjoys expressing, whatever, femininity. Perhaps he doesn’t have plans to medically transition. Perhaps he doesn’t plan on bottom surgery.

That trans man also is exclusively attracted to women/non-men. He might feel as though “lesbian” best suits him, his experience, his attraction, better than anything else.

And in the end… so what? No one is saying YOU have to date or even ENGAGE with the trans men who identify as lesbians. How they identify has nothing to do with you, if you don’t want anything to do with them.

Aint that what we have BEEN trying to explain to cishet people?? That queer folks existing has nothing to do with them? That all we ask for is basic human decency and kindness?

Plus… gender and sexuality can be fluid. Why do some folks feel so entitled to weigh in on how someone identifies, when for all anyone knows they are trying shit out? They’re still workin on figuring out what labels best fit them?

Basically- someone’s labels have nothing to do with you. Folks testing out labels has nothin to do with you. Neither have any impact on who YOU are or why YOU feel YOUR choice in labels best suits YOU. The same way no one SHOULD have been telling YOU how to identify.

Infighting does nothing but make the community weaker which we have never and still cannot afford.

[brainbesplit]

i've never understood the sentiment of "i was born in the wrong body and therefore that is the experience of every trans person"

like. no. i don't believe that in the slightest. i am fine with my birth genitals and my lack of tits im just mad taht people took that and slapped "Tha Boy" on me without any second thought and now the idea of me being anything else is so unfathomable that i have to pretend I don't have it figured out yet until i can figure out how to explain it to them, just for them to say, once again, "i just see you as a very flamboyant gay man" (i am not even attracted to any men who aren't wildly feminine, like im talking fucking tiktok definition of "femboy" and i'm primarily attracted to women) "i can't see you as anything but that" (why don't you fucking try)