#and like…. look i get it. im the first to say the wc fandom is misogynistic.

[yuridovewing]

if i may be a little mean… i think the reason spottedleaf’s feelings come across as a “retcon” is because the erins didn’t care enough about her on her own to outright have her say “yes i love fireheart back”

[ilguna]

im sorry, i know you are looking for some request from other fandoms, but this one just seemed so perfect :(

from piano sessions, my tears ricochet by taylor swift with finnick?

i promise i will send another request with a different fandom, and it's totally ok if you don't want to write this ❤️ and of course, CONGRATULATIONS!

☼ my tears ricochet pt1 (Finnick Odair) ☼

warnings; swearing, death mention.

wc; 2.5k

prompt; Piano Sessions: songfic, my tears ricochet by taylor swift.

part two.

—

When you briefly met Commander Paylor in District Two before the Capitol invasion, she struck you as more of a leader than President Coin. Which was odd, considering that Paylor was a textile worker, burdened with the responsibility of organizing rebel attacks.

She’s a polite person to be around, confident in the way she holds herself, speaking with unwavering authority. You didn’t feel the need to lower your voice in her presence, because she wanted to know what you had to say. It was a nice change from where you’d been under Coin in District Thirteen.

There, you felt like if you breathed too loudly, it would get back to her. The amount of times she called you into Command simply because you were badmouthing her to the former residents of District Twelve was a little ridiculous. You aren’t entirely sure who heard you and reported it, or why Coin cared so damn much.

She must’ve assumed that you had an influence on the people, which she was wrong about. The only times you brought up her flaws was when someone else asked you what you thought of her. Oftentimes, it was because they were too afraid to be the one to say it first.

You could see right through her, like a sheet of tracing paper. The steps she’d taken in order to preserve her own self-image were done out of insecurity. She was afraid that if someone rose too high, they’d sweep the power right from underneath her. That’s why she was so willing to let Katniss go into danger.

All she had to do was win the rebellion, and she’d get control over Panem. And once she did, she showed her true colors. You knew the moment she suggested a symbolic Hunger Games that she wasn’t the right person to be in that chair. Even if a few of the others agreed to letting her do that, you knew they were resentful that she wanted to punish the Capitol in the same way they’d punished the districts for seventy-five years.

She missed one important factor, though. There was a reason why you were following behind Katniss Everdeen and not her. You trusted Katniss to make the right choices, and she never failed you. That’s why you knew that she wouldn’t let Coin announce the proposition.

That same evening, Snow’s execution was to take place. Instead, she found herself humiliated, with an arrow through her cold heart. Katniss took out the only evil left in a position of power, knowing full well that she could’ve gotten killed by the rebels for it. 

Chaos followed this, an emergency election took place, where Paylor was given the position of President. In the weeks that followed, there was a televised trial, where everyone that was close to Katniss, was called to the stand to give statements on her character.

During this time, you weren’t allowed to go home to visit. You were forced to stay in the Capitol, because they could call for you to speak at any moment. And even worse, they’d placed you in a room with Finnick, because they were still under the assumption that you were together.

You weren’t. You and Finnick had been broken up for at least two and a half weeks, since the day that Boggs had died in the apartment complex courtyard. 

The argument wouldn’t come until hours later, when you’d made it several blocks down the street, holed up inside of a different apartment to catch your breath and sort out a plan. After you watched the Peacekeepers destroy the building on live television, announcing you all dead, Finnick said that he wanted to take a walk to get some fresh air.

You went with him, mostly for safety in numbers, but also because you knew he secretly wanted the company. You went halfway around the block without an issue, but when you were about to turn the corner, the armed vehicle pulled up beside you, and the Peacekeepers started flooding out. 

As you’d begun to curse the idea, Finnick started talking to the Peacekeepers, calmly, hands raised in the air. He told them that it would be a bad idea to kill you two on the street, because it would alert the others, and they’d run. However, he told them that if they tried to take you two by force, they’d find themselves in the same position.

You were morbidly curious on how Finnick would charm his way out of this one, when you realized that he wasn’t going to. He was giving them the information on how to catch you. He told them that the squad had off-handedly mentioned going into the sewers to evade the Pods. The best way to catch you guys would be, then. 

And as long as the Peacekeepers let you two go, and didn’t interfere between the time you got to the apartment and into the sewers, he wouldn’t tell the squad about this encounter. To your surprise, the Peacekeepers agreed, letting you go.

The way back to the apartment was quiet. You were too stunned to say anything, wondering how Finnick had gone from the person to sacrifice himself, to doing the opposite. He knew your silence wasn’t anything good, which is why he told you that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. 

You weren’t upset by that. You weren’t scared that the Capitol was going to throw everything at you to either kill or capture you. You knew that when it came down to it, you’d keep yourself alive. It was the part after, when he told you not to say anything to the squad, did you finally crack.

You broke up with Finnick on the street.

To his credit, he upheld his promise of keeping you safe. The issue is that courtesy wasn’t given to any of the other squad members. Half of them died. Messalla, Jackson, Leeg, Castor and Homes were lost in the sewers. Something that didn’t need to happen, if he’d let you two get taken.

Whether or not he wanted to admit it out loud, Finnick was terrified that the topic would somehow get brought up in court. It was all he ever talked about when he got the chance. That there was a chance that the people you’d trusted for the past year could find out he betrayed them.

And against your better judgement, you told Finnick that what happened with the Peacekeepers would stay between the two of you. If it meant that he would stop worrying about it, you’d never breathe a word. Besides, if it did get out, it would destroy the both of you, not just him. 

He’d get it because he’s the one that told the Peacekeepers, and ensured that you all went into the sewers. You would go down because you didn’t say anything about it, despite having a whole hour to do so.

You should never have told him this, because it’s what sparked the idea for his stupid decision in the first place.

Finnick got questioned before you did. It was simple, straight-forward. They wanted to know Katniss’s mindset during your journey through the Capitol, if there was anything out of the ordinary. When he got to the part of the story after Boggs had died and you holed up in the apartment, he tried to completely skip over your walk outside.

The man that was asking the questions, didn’t let this slide. He knew the two of you had taken a walk. You think he was trying to make smalltalk, now that you’re looking back at it. But Finnick must’ve panicked, because he let everything spill, the same way he had when he exposed Snow for the victor prostitution.

The issue is that he spun the story.

Finnick turned the blame around entirely, and he did so effortlessly, as if he’d been rehearsing it for days in a row. He told the court that yes, you had gone on a walk together so he could clear his head. However, a Peacekeeper truck pulled up, and that’s when you talked your way out of getting captured, by offering Katniss up as a sacrifice.

The entire courtroom filled with silence when that word left his mouth. Dozens of pairs of eyes landed on you, but you were looking at Finnick. There was only one word that chanted through your mind, getting louder as the seconds ticked on.

Wrong.

Even the man that was questioning him was confused, asking him to elaborate. That’s when Finnick repeated the events, twisting the truth to put you in the hot seat. You were the one that calmly spoke to them with your hands raised. You were the one that told the Peacekeepers about the sewers. You were the one that threatened Finnick if he spoke about it.

He was the one that broke up with you out of fear.

“Wrong.” You breathed, getting to your feet. “You’re the one that did all of that, Finnick!”

The judge had you removed from the courtroom, while they wrapped up the trial without your statement. You were supposed to go on stand that same day, but they ruled you out, because you were too emotionally unstable to be seen.

Reasonably so, because it was only thirty minutes later, did you realize that the entirety of Panem had just watched Finnick lie straight through his perfectly white teeth. And you’d never get the chance to explain yourself to anybody, because they wouldn’t see you.

Finnick was removed from your mansion bedroom, leaving you here alone. No one saw you for several days on end, except to leave food at your door. You were stuck watching the trial from the television, and it ended yesterday, with the conclusion that Katniss was under so much pressure the day that she killed Coin, that she was deemed not mentally sound. 

And of course, you’ve received blame for that, too. If she hadn’t witnessed so many people get murdered in the sewers because of your actions to sell the squad out, she would’ve been able to think straight during the execution. In this situation, you’re the monster, and Finnick has been deemed the hero for coming forward with the truth.

You think that you can come back from this, though. The people around you just need time away, to cool down from the trial. Once it’s been a few months, you’ll come back with a proper explanation, appeal to Paylor, because she’s the level-headed one, after all.

Right now, you want to get home.

There’s a hovercraft waiting in the City Circle for the victors. It’ll be a long trip as you drop off the others on the way to District Four, but you don’t mind. You’ve been craving your bed ever since you got to District Thirteen. It’s been months since you’ve had proper time to relax.

Paylor is waiting in front of the front door with a couple of rebel guards. Once you get close enough, they move to block the way. Your eyes switch between them and her, confused.

“What’s happening?” You ask.

“I regret to inform you that you will not be able to go back to District Four.” Paylor tells you in a measured voice. “There were quite a few complaints regarding your actions, and the general consensus is that they wouldn’t feel safe if you were to arrive in District Four and choose to stay there.”

“They wouldn’t feel safe?” You ask, face contorting. “How many times do I have to tell you that Finnick is the one that told the Peacekeepers about the sewers?”

She closes her eyes. “We have no proof that you weren’t the one that told them. They want to be safe, rather than sorry.”

You side step, trying to see over the guard’s shoulders. You find that Finnick has stepped foot off the hovercraft, standing at the bottom of the ramp, hands in his pockets. You begin to shake your head at him.

“I want to speak to him.” You tell her, ignoring what she’s said. “I want to speak to Finnick before he gets to go home and I don’t.”

“Step back.” She orders you.

You listen to her, watching as she slips through the gap between the guard and the door. She walks down the runway, with Finnick meeting her in the middle. The two of them talk for a brief moment, where it ends with him nodding. Paylor motions to tell the guards to let you through.

They move aside, you go down the steps, heading straight for Finnick. He doesn’t move, allowing you to go to him. Paylor leaves to go back to the mansion, allowing you to speak privately.

“Finnick.” You snap, slamming your hands against his chest, hands gripping on the front of his shirt. You pull him forward. “You set me up. You son of a bitch. They’re not letting me get on!”

Finnick presses his hands to your shoulders, pushing you away. “I know.”

“Tell them you lied.” You shake him. “You don’t have to tell them it was you, just tell them you fucking lied.”

“I’m not.” He tells you. “This is your own fault, (Y/n).”

“How is this my fault?” You demand. “I promised you!”

“You broke up with me.” He’s calm, which is making you agitated. “After I made sure you got out of the sewers safely, you didn’t think to apologize. It was the right move to make.”

“Why would I?” You hiss. “Your actions murdered people.”

He makes a face. “Let go of me.”

“Everything I have is in District Four. My home, my pictures, my belongings. My entire life is there, and you’re the only thing standing in the way of me going. Just tell them you lied, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Finnick pulls your hands off of his shirt. “You have District Two, didn’t Paylor tell you? They said that they’d take you and Gale in.”

Gale, a bitter name in your mouth.

“I don’t belong there, and you know it.” You say.

“It doesn’t have to be there. You can go anywhere you want, (Y/n).”

“Anywhere I want.” You echo, as if it’s a cruel joke, blood boiling. “Just not home.”

“Maybe they’ll let you back sometime in the future.” Finnick begins to back up toward the hovercraft. “I can’t promise you that your house will be there. I heard from Annie that they set it on fire the same night I told them the truth. You’ll be lucky if there’s still ashes.”

“You’re going to regret this, Finnick.” You don’t move from where you stand. “This is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. Each time you look at the other side of the street, it’ll kill you knowing that you did this to me.”

“We’ll see about that.”

--

this was part of my 3k celebration! thank you anon!!

[wolfvmin]

House of Cards: Final

pairing: chishiya shuntarou x fem!reader genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love (but is it really), pining wc: 30.8k (i know, i’m sorry) warnings: violence, niragi, spontaneously written at 2am and under the influence, chishiya is emotionally constipated, violence, mentions of sex, making out, mentions of murder, suicidal themes, slightly obsessive banda, season 2episode 7, reader is reckless, mentions of torture, daddy issues, smut, dry humping, nipple play, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it >:(), multiple orgasms, a little choking, doggy style, missionary  summary: the final games of borderland are upon you. it’s up to you and chishiya to navigate where you stand in this world and to each other.  a/n: IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG,, and thank you for 515 followers!! <333 ily ily :((( i’m sad this is the last part. also i think the aib fandom has been thinning lately </333. i took too long in writing damn. if anyone wants drabbles of the hoc couple i’d be down to write them! i really enjoyed writing this story. thank u for reading it! 

AO3 link ; Part 2 (Previous Part)

You still weren’t sure if you’d died in the Queen of Clubs game and hallucinated last night’s events. Neither of you was clear about what that kiss meant. Was it just in the heat of the moment? Was it Chishiya acting on his apology? Or perhaps a reciprocation of what you feel for him? You don’t know and you were too scared to ask. 

The kisses ended as the song ended. Chishiya pulled away as soon as that record stopped spinning. Then he smiled at you. A small one where the corners of his lips were slightly turned upward. It was a smile that could mean many things if we were talking about that white-haired guy. To make matters worse, that motherfucker turns around and leaves you alone in the living room, confused and somewhat turned on, without saying anything.

The light seeps through your closed lids and you try to block it with your right hand, scrunching your forehead in annoyance. Your other hand glides over the other side of the bed, searching for the man who slept beside you last night. The material of his shirt is soft against your palms, indicating that he’s still next to you in bed.

With your eyes open now, you see Chishiya who is still sleeping beside you. He looks so peaceful like this. Although it’s not the first time that you’ve woken up beside Chishiya, it’s somewhat different to find something familiar in the real world. 

You were sure you’d never see him again when you found yourself in this world. You’ve lost all hope to get back to your previous life. But he’s here. He’s real and beside you. Somehow, you don’t know if you’re lucky or misfortunate for this. Sometimes, you wish you never found him at The Beach. 

“Get back to sleep.”

He still had his eyes closed, forehead scrunching while he said that. You chuckle, his morning voice ten times more attractive to you. Suddenly, the tip of his nose is the next thing you fixate on. Using your index finger, you booped it, making his nose scrunch up and catching your hand with his. 

His eyes finally flutter open, staring at you intently. The only light in the room is from the sunlight seeping through the windows, you can see the reflection of it in his eyes. From this close distance, you can see his dark eyes’ irises in hazel brown. His skin looks a little bit rougher and his lips are drier than they did in the real world. Despite this, his lips still looked like it was beckoning you, whispering to be tasted as they did last night.

You turn on your stomach, leaning unto your elbows for support as you shift your body closer to his. The action was not easy, your body sore from all the fighting you’d done in the last game. His face is about an inch away from yours, so close that you can hear each other breathing. There’s a weight that is put onto the back of your neck and you quickly realize that Chishiya’s hand is there. 

He doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t push your head down to finally close the distance. He doesn’t even move his fingers. His hand just stays still there as you slightly hover over him. 

“Hey, Shuntarou. Will you marry me?” 

A wide grin spreads across your face when you ask him. In answer, the man’s face drops into a frown, his eyes unamused. “What? You kissed me last night. You have to marry me now.”

“I don’t think that’s what that usually entails,” he replies with his raspy voice, lips tugged to an amused smirk. 

“Can I kiss you again?” You ask, ignoring his sassy remark to your unserious question. Your gaze fell onto his lips once more. You were too scared of his answer to meet his eyes. So you wait.

Just like that, he finally uses his hand on your nape to push your head down, smashing your lips against his. Last night’s kiss was unexpected and serene. It was your first kiss with Chishiya and to you, it was perfect. However, this one right now is needy—like he couldn’t get enough of you. 

You weren’t a prude. You've shared a bed with men even if your heart was Chishiya’s. It was mostly due to curiosity, loneliness, and simply fulfillment of needs. And if you were being honest, you don’t know if Chishiya was even interested in matters of sex. You never really indulged each other in your sensual lives. And to be frank, you’d rather not think about Chishiya being intimate with someone else.

However, as he kisses you right now and how he gently pushes your shoulder with his other hand to lay your head on the pillow, you know that Chishiya knows a thing or two about pleasing his partner. His body hovers over you as his knee is between your legs and his hand beside your head. Your hands clung to his shirt as if to prove to yourself that yes, Chishiya Shuntarou, the love of your life and the man of your dreams, is melting you in a heated kiss on a bed you shared. 

You register the plumpness of his lips as you’re still in a bit of shock. Chishiya’s free hand slides to your waist and gives you a squeeze in order for you to fall back into the rhythm of his kisses. These lips that would often frown and smirk at you, how long have you imagined what they would feel like? They were warm, contrasting his cold exterior. Even warmer is his tongue as he darts it out to lick at your lips, asking for entrance. You let him in, pulling him even closer to you by grasping his shirt down. 

It’s just so Chishiya to do things with ease and perfection. It seemed calculated and somehow erotic like he was communicating every word that he couldn’t say through his kisses. When he pulls away, it elicits a breathy gasp from you. Your eyes were wide open, blown out, and staring at him with glossy eyes. 

You’ve only felt this way a few times in your life, a number you can count with your fingers. Happiness, is it? 

It’s not high. It wasn’t addicting. You’ve experienced that a lot with fighting. But this… this feeling is so pleasing that it almost brings you to tears. This was the kind of happiness that brings you to disbelief. It makes you think, “Do I deserve to be this happy?” 

“More,” you plead, begging like you were an addict.

Chishiya hums, his deep voice sending you straight to heaven right there and then. He doesn’t lean in. Instead, he taps your cheeks with three fingers. Twice in a fast motion. 

To your disappointment, Chishiya removes himself from you and gets off the bed. He exits the bedroom and you were left on the bed, thirsty like a fish out of the water. 

You’ve put on new gym clothes. It was a black sports bra and active jogger pants. Chishiya was in the living room, reading a book he found somewhere lying around. It seemed he found something too. “I’m going for a jog,” you inform him, already stretching to start. 

Chishiya doesn’t even look at you. Typical. But you know he heard you and he wants you to be safe. It’s dangerous for both of you to keep going like this. Communication is much needed in every relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is. You’re not sure if those kisses have changed anything in yours and you should really talk about it. However, what you really need right now is to sweat it out and gain some confidence to ask him.

Yesterday, you and Chishiya took the chance of having a long visa to lounge around all day. He never kissed you again and acted like how he was before. What he did do was not let you out of the bed, insisting that you should rest your injuries away for the day. You obliged. When have you not?

Now, it’s early in the morning and the sun has not even reached its highest. The apartment was near trees, you’ve gone just away from the center as much as possible. Chishiya said that after you join the next game, it’d be best to move out of there. He assumes that since the games would be going down one by one, the King of Spades would go around the edges of Tokyo to push everyone back into the center. 

As you were running along the sidewalks, you remember having morning jogs and stretching like this with Usagi, bringing Usagi and Arisu into your thoughts once again. They should be fine. Kuina too. Still, you can’t help but worry for them.

You’ve gone a bit far from the apartment, jogging by a short tunnel under a bridge. Before completely going in, you stop in your tracks, hearing something other than the wind whistling and leaves rustling. You focused on listening, hiding on the side and pulling a dagger from a strap on your leg. 

It was breathing. Difficult breathing. And sobs. Someone is crying. 

You’ve become careful with your steps, readying for anything as you approach the sound. Slowly, you reach the voice. It was one man, leaning against the wall of the tunnel. It was dark but you could see the gunshot wound on his head and the gun in his hand. He could barely move his mouth, dark red blood all over it. When he sees you, his sobs get louder. 

You stand near him but not approaching him closely. He raises his empty hand and points at something. You follow his gaze to your hand. He was pointing at your dagger.

Oh.

Your eyes darkened at what he was insinuating—what he was asking of you. 

“P-Please… end it.” 

This stranger was asking you to mercy kill him. Why? He was done for what he’d done. Why would he kill himself? You’re not sure he could even reply if you ask him.

His bloodshot eyes plead with you as tears and blood fall from them. You walk closer to the man, your hands slightly trembling. You wish you brought a gun with you. That way you wouldn’t have to use your hands for what you’ll do. You think about it first. Not if you’ll do it but how you’ll do it. You have a dagger. That’s all you have. You’ve brought it for emergencies but you didn’t think you’d actually have to use it. 

It would have to be the most painless way possible. 

“Lean forward,” you instruct the man in a low voice, completely dreading what you’re supposed to do.

The man, with all his strength left, removed himself from the wall. If you stab him repeatedly in the chest, he’d have to bleed out and die painfully longer. You have to strike somewhere else. His back was free for you to stab into. No matter how many deaths you’ve seen, it just doesn’t get easier. Especially if you’re the one to cause it. 

This is the first kill. A mercy kill. You’re doing this man a favor but making a burden to yourself. You know that if you do this, you’ll have to remember him for the rest of your life and somehow regret it. You weren’t a monster. You have darkness inkling inside of you that you don’t understand but you were still human. 

“T-thank you,” he was able to say as he spluttered blood onto the pavement. Tears well up in your eyes and your nostrils flare up as you take a deep breath.

Blocking your thoughts away, you strike your blade unto his back, just above his shoulder blade, severing the spinal cord. You remember this one lecture in med school where someone asked where would be the most painless way to stab someone to death out of sheer curiosity. This was the answer. 

You watch as his body falls sideways when you pull out your dagger, his blood painting the cemented ground and your hand. You wipe your hunting blade on his clothes and put it back on the strap of your leg. 

When death comes to collect him, his hands relax and their contents fall. Something scrunched up fell out of the hand without the gun, the one he pointed your dagger with. You pick it up and straighten it. It was a picture of him and a child. He was a father. 

Does that mean that child is dead? A father wouldn’t kill himself knowing he has a daughter back home. But would he? It’s possible. You don’t even know the name of this man. You don’t know what kind of person he is, much less a father. Sighing, you pick up his gun next. It was a Pistol. You could keep it but it was useless. Where would you get—

Oh.

For the second time in a few minutes, you were dumbstruck. Even if it was pointless, you couldn’t help but check the gun just to be sure. And you were glad you did. This gun… still had bullets, meaning you didn’t have to do it yourself. 

Your grip on the gun tightened, feeling a bit betrayed by this man. He hadn’t asked you to kill him because he was incapable and out of bullets. He asked you to do it because he was a coward to finish it himself.

Feeling a bit drained because of the revelations, you decide to head back to the apartment, carrying the gun in your hand.You push open the door, knowing you’ve left it unlocked. 

“I’m back,” you announced to not alarm your companion in the house. Chishiya was already in your line of sight, sitting on the couch which can be seen directly from the door. He wasn’t sitting there earlier. Was he waiting for you? 

Lifting his head from the book, he takes in your appearance. There was blood that splattered over you. Not to mention your hand that was still covered in blood and holding a loaded gun. He raises a brow as if waiting for an explanation. You shake your head, not wanting to talk about it. 

“It’s nothing I couldn’t handle,” you press and head to the room to clean yourself. 

When you’ve cleaned yourself and changed your clothes, you stare at the gun on your bedside table. You sat down on the side of the bed, slouching, and then completely lying down and staring at the ceiling. You shouldn’t feel this way. You still helped the man. But still, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed. Maybe that’s just how it is. This is how people are. In the end, he chose to die no matter who did it or how it happened. It’s fine to feel upset. But what happened already happened. 

Chishiya strides into the room, standing beside you and looking down at you. You groan, turning to your side to not see him.  “Go away,” you order weakly.  

You’d rather not tell him what happened. This will go away in a few days. But for now, your heart is too heavy to do anything else. So, for now, you hope Chishiya leaves it alone.

“I’ll join a Diamonds game.”

You scoff. “I said I’m fine—wait, what?” You sat up on the bed in disbelief. That’s what he was going to say? He wasn’t even going to check up on you? 

“You’re staying here. You need more rest,” he adds. 

You shake your head. “What? Are you kidding? No!”

He stares at you, giving you that nonchalant expression again. This was non-negotiable. He really didn’t want you anywhere near the Diamonds game. 

“I’ve won a Diamonds game once.” It was true. Your first game was a Diamond. You were capable of a Diamonds game. Just because you threw away medicine doesn’t mean you were not smart. “What if only one survives? That’s not limited to a Hearts game, you know?” 

You couldn’t answer. 

“I’ll go,” he repeats. “Stay here.”

“When?” You ask him, lips jutting out almost into a pout. Your frown and scrunched-up forehead should tell him that you still don’t agree with this. “Tomorrow.” 

You put your head down. If he’s going to join a game, you couldn’t just wait around here for him to come home. It’s going to make you officially go insane, being alone here in Borderlands. 

You’ve never been alone since you met Usagi. Ever since you met her, you couldn’t believe you found an actual pure person here. She was a good friend and just like she’s done for Arisu, she’s the reason why you’re still alive and fighting for yourself.

It was time to join a game by yourself again. 

“Fine,” you say without looking at him, fronting how you’re just agreeing with him but already decided that you’ll leave once he’s out of sight.

He doesn’t say anything and just walks out of the room, finishing the conversation. 

You gave Chishiya the silent treatment the whole night. Were you sulking? Maybe. But you can’t really blame him. You were just upset. Was that a crime? You can be upset right? A person doesn’t have to be understanding every time. When you woke up, he was still beside you, staring at you with those deep brown eyes. Why is he looking at you like this? 

“What?” you deadpanned. 

“I’ll come back.” It wasn’t to assure you. It wasn’t a promise. It was simply a statement. He’ll come back. He’s sure of it. You trust him, yes. But maybe the reason you’re upset was because of something else. Worry? But not just for him. For him and yourself. 

What if you don’t come back from the game you’re joining? That would be a shame. He won’t even know and just find you gone. But he won’t allow you. So if you don’t allow him now, you’d be a hypocrite. 

“I know,” you answer softly, laying your armor down, and giving up the fight. He sits up on the bed, tugging on his white jacket that was folded by his bedside table and wearing it. It was cute to you how he still wears it. 

“We have many days left on our visa. Does it have to be today?” You ask him, sitting up too.

“I want to clear the games as fast as possible,” he answers. 

You understand that he wants to clear the Diamond games himself. What for? Absolutely nothing but curiosity and interest. He finds them fun and challenging even if his life was on the line. Sometimes, you think you worry more about his life than he does. 

He knows he’s clever. You know that too. But sometimes, he really needs to realize that he isn’t immortal or anything. You sigh. “A game could take days. What do I do here?”

“Rest. Did you forget you have an injured leg?” He was putting on his shoes now, turning his head for a second to give you a look. 

“No. But it’s fine now.” You really did feel better about your leg. “I want to look for the others.” 

“When I come back.” He refuses again and stands up, ready for his day. You poked your cheek with your tongue. He really doesn’t want you out of this house, does he?

The rest of the day goes by quietly. He planned to leave in the afternoon. So, you still had a meal with him before he left. Chishiya leaving was uneventful. He didn’t kiss you goodbye or offer you any words of assurance. He just… left. However, he did remind you to rest. 

But rest, you didn’t. 

You gave Chishiya 30 minutes before you left. It was 30 minutes for him to get far enough for you not to see him outside. It was getting dark and cold. You’ve decided to put on a hoodie, covering your sports bra. You slung the sword Kuina gave you over your shoulder and put your dagger back in its sheath that was attached to a wrap over your leggings. You figured that the gun might come in handy to you if you ever come face to face with the King of Spades. So, you took that too, putting it inside your small belt bag.

You head over to the nearest Spades game, knowing it will be a long walk. 

You were about 45 minutes away from the apartment and looking for a working car. However, you were failing. Every car out here is trashed. Plus, you weren’t very knowledgeable about fixing them up. 

So you had no choice but to walk.

Getting a bit tired, you decide to sit down on the sidewalk. 

However, not even five minutes of your resting have passed, you hear a scream. And then gunshots. Not just any gunshots. Rifles. 

You immediately stand up, hearing that dreadful sound could only mean one thing. 

And then you see the woman screaming, running with a few people behind her. 

The King of Spades was here.

You get on your feet, hearing and seeing his blimp in the sky. Your sneaker-clad feet pounded against the cemented ground, breathing steadily as your lungs pumped. Fuck. You can’t face him alone. 

You just ran, always choosing the safest option of direction while avoiding the gunshots. One direction led you to another then another, until you lost sight of the Spades game’s blimp. You were forced to go the other direction to another game. 

You ran and ran until you didn’t hear the gunshots anymore. Then you see it. A blimp for another game that wasn’t a Spades or Diamonds. It wasn’t your target but it also wasn’t Chishiya’s. 

Can you do it?

You don’t know which is more depressing: you ending up in a Hearts game or the grey walls of Teio Prison. 

PUT ON A COLLAR AND GO UPSTAIRS TO THE CENTRAL GUARDROOM

There were two collars left on the table. Shit. It’s the exploding kind of Heart game, huh? 

With a frown, you get one of the collars and clasp it around your neck. It makes a blip sound and some kind of shuffling sound. What could that be? Whatever it is, you know it’s no good.

Sighing, you make your way to the central guardroom, taking all your time in the world and observing the dark penitentiary. It’s giving you the creeps. You thought about what might have you waiting here. A Hearts game in prison? You really should’ve joined a Spade game. Man, fuck the King of Spades. This is all his fault. You just hope that Chishiya is doing well at a Diamon—

Chishiya?

As soon as you lift your head from looking at the stairs you were climbing, your line of sight catches that damned white jacket and white hair. What was he doing here? Didn’t he say he’d join a Diamonds game?

You didn’t let the shock show through your movements or countenance. Instead, you turn to your right and lock your eyes with him as you stand over the nearest wall from the stairs. 

Everyone was reserved and kept themselves at a distance from others. It wouldn’t look good if you just walked over to him like old buddies at a fair. It’s better to be strangers. But oh, he was mad. 

With the way his brows were slightly furrowed and his jaw was clenched, you try not to avoid his gaze and cower right there and then. Beside him, the agitated man in overalls follows Chishiya’s gaze over to you and then he whispers something to him. This made you look away, afraid he’ll know of your relations. While you busy yourself with observing the other players, you’re sure Chishiya made up a lie about you. 

You hear soft steps on the staircase and you know that the game is about to start. You notice that their feet were intentionally light. There was only one collar left downstairs. The person going up should be the last player.

He stops right at the end of the stairs, looking around at all the players who were avoiding his gaze. Well, except you and Chishiya. Lastly, his gaze lands on you who was right beside him. The corner of his lips curled up into a subtle sinister smirk. You raise a brow, tilting your head to the side. You already don’t like this guy. You poked your cheek with your tongue and crossed your arms, about to address his condescending stare when the screen attached to the wall lights up, indicating the game is starting. 

DIFFICULTY LEVEL Jack of Hearts 

The odd man’s eyes stray from yours when the automated voice is heard. You both look at the screen and listen attentively.

GAME SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Rules:

Guess the card suit that appears on the back of your collar. However, you may not look at the symbol yourself. This game is about how much you can trust one another.

The time limit is one hour per round.

In the final five minutes, enter the cell and state your symbol. 

When the time limit reaches zero, your collar will reset and change for each round. 

Beware that your opponent, the Jack of Hearts is hidden among you.

Looking at your symbol through reflection is not allowed.

Players may not use weapons or violence to kill fellow players.

GAME OVER If you do not guess your correct symbol, your collar will explode.

GAME CLEAR You win when the Jack of Hearts dies.

As the other players react to the rules and other details of the game, you are left to think for yourself. There’s no limit of hours to this game which means that betrayal is inevitable if we want to get out of these depressing walls. Someone has to lie to the Jack, kill him, and clear this game. Anyone could be the Jack, even Chishiya.

The game will now commence.  ROUND ONE

It’s complete silence as the buzzer rings throughout the penitentiary, indicating the start of the timer for an hour. The players are eyeing each and every one, probably looking for a trustworthy face to dictate their suits and fate. At least, now you know that Chishiya wouldn’t lie to you about your suit. Should you just go ahead and partner up with him? It shouldn’t look suspicious, right? 

Some players began to partner up as you still stand like a wallflower, watching as they form groups. 

“So, the 20 of us need to eliminate each other until we somehow figure out who the Jack of Hearts is.” A tall man in corporate attire speaks out loud, speaking to no one in particular beside the first two guys who decided to partner up. “What makes you think that anyone is trustworthy?”

The two guys who were just eager to tell each other’s suit began to grow wary, stepping away from each other hastily. Your brow furrows at this man. He was right but his aura exudes something dark and clouded, just like the man beside you who last joined the game. Could either of them be the jack? 

An arrogant-looking bald guy in chains that previously stood in the middle of the guardroom makes his way in your direction. Your senses are heightened, alert for any cause of disturbance. However, he shifts his way to your right, heading to the nervous-looking man in a blue checkered shirt with a smirk. 

He corners him, no doubt going to pressure him into telling him his suit. He’s a bully that found a mouse to play around with. That’s a wrong move. You watch from your peripheral as the man quivers and shakes from the bald man. “Tsk,” you couldn’t help but react distastefully. Thankfully, the bald man didn’t notice. It was taking everything in you not to intervene. 

The man beside you, however, hears your displeased reaction. Unfortunately, this puts his attention back on you. So you speak, gathering it’d be better to speak to someone, at least. If he was Jack, then he’d want to hear your next words.

“This game…” you utter in a low voice, wanting him to be the only one who hears. “Isn’t going to be cleared through shit like that.” 

The other players began to form a large group with the girl in a blue dress leading it. From the looks of it, this girl is also not to be trusted. Getting involved with a large group offers a far larger chance of betrayal. Especially with one person leading it and others blindly following whatever this person’s decision may be. 

“Forcing,” you refer to the bald man who was still bullying the blue-checkered shirt guy into telling him his suit. “Control,” you refer to the girl who has now gathered most of the players. She’s only put herself more at risk now that she aimed for control. Things could easily turn around if they don’t like the way how she handles things. And you could already tell. From here, she reeks of being fake and two-faced. That group should be the last choice for you. 

“This game is about trust.” You sigh. It seemed fairly easy but you could already tell that this game is going to be a messy representation of humanity. It seemed so fitting—a Hearts game of this difficulty being a face card. 

It’s a clever game, you have to admit. By now, every player in Borderland knows that you should never willingly enter a Hearts game with someone you want to get out of this world with. But this one puts you in a position of needing to have that someone with you in order to survive this game. No matter what, as long as you have one player you have here who you know you can trust, you’ll be able to walk out of here. 

You walk off, not waiting for the guy’s response. There was one hour for each round. You’re sure you can find a partner a little later if Chishiya won’t agree. It’s only the first round and you don’t think even the Jack of Hearts would start killing now. 

For now, you really need to see the food supply they were so proud of. As you head downstairs, you realize that the guy beside you followed you as you register his footsteps when you snapped out of your deep thoughts about the game. You stop in your tracks, waiting for the man to address what the hell is he after. Did he want to be partners? Well, you don’t really think that that’s a good idea for you.

“You’re that L/N.”

You turn around, looking at the source of the voice and the person who seems to know of your heritage. Without the thought of Chishiya startling you, you’re able to focus clearly on the man in front of you. He looked not older than you and Chishiya, a little taller than the both of you too. He was wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt with an inner white shirt. His hair is dark and his eyes were tired, bags under them, and yet he did not look as tired. Instead, his eyes glimmer of malice and unexplainable darkness as he gives you a smirk.

“And who are you?” You question the man in front of you. You can’t quite put your finger on it but the man looked familiar—like you’ve seen him before Borderland. 

“Banda Sunato.” Again, familiar. You’ve heard of it, you’re sure. Was he famous for something? A family friend? A rich person? You really should've paid attention to the television more. 

Something tells you not to trust this man. This was a Hearts game, after all. No one could be trusted. Yet, if you partner yourself with Chishiya, who knows where that will lead? It’s unsafe and he’s a little mad right now. Truthfully, you are too. What can you say? You both are a stubborn bunch. 

“Banda? It’s familiar,” you truthfully ask him for some reason.

“Should be. I was in the news for a while.” The smirk hasn’t been wiped off his face. From then on, you were sure. Just like Niragi, this man is bad news. 

So you turn around again, ready to walk off and head to the food supply. However, a hand on your shoulder stops you. A glimpse of white flashes your eyes from above and you look up for a few seconds, meeting Chishiya’s eyes who were watching you from the floor above, leaning against a wall beside the man dressed in a yellow striped shirt and denim overalls. His jaw is clenched, lips tight, and even from his crossed arms, you see the tight fists forming from his hands. My, he’s almost making a frown too.

You don’t turn around to face Banda again but you break eye contact with Chishiya. You wait for him to speak and look at his frail hands on your shoulder. His hands are gentle, the perfect way to lure you in. You can see from the way his hands looked rough yet delicate—this man cannot fight. Worst comes to worst, you can take him down. But that didn’t matter. This is a Hearts game which means that most of these players are Hearts specialists, no doubt him being one too. You have to be smart about this. You can’t punch your way out of this one.

“I’m a serial killer,” he adds. 

You raise a brow, slowly turning your whole body to face him again. How could he just throw that out of nowhere like it’s a well-sought and respected occupation? And then you remember. Banda Sunato. It was what? One or two weeks? He was all that the news held. He was known to have murdered about four people, specifically women. A real psychopath heading for death row. It gives you the chills, having a real-life murderer standing in front of you and taking an interest in you. 

Does this man scare you? Maybe a little. Should you partner up with him? The normal and sane response would be no but there’s this irrational thought that keeps persuading you that maybe you can actually get through the game with this criminal. 

If what Asaki said in the Queen of Clubs game was real then it really is up to the citizens to design games. A serial killer designing a game inside Teio Prison. It seemed to fit like a puzzle that he would be the Jack of Hearts. 

That’s how you know that it’s possible that he might not be it. It was too easy and too obvious. 

“Are you asking me to partner up with you?” You ask with a poker face, jutting your chin up to compensate for the height difference. It’s funny how a murderer was asking you to trust him. It has to be the most stupid insinuation you have heard in your life. 

“I agree with what you said back there.” He answers, referring to what you said before walking off. “So I’m telling you who I am. It’s your choice, hospital princess. Will you trust a serial killer in this world?” 

Right now, you badly wanted to look up at Chishiya who is no doubt watching from the floor above. You want him to give you some kind of advice or answer for you. But you know he won’t. You’re on your own for this one. You sigh, mirroring his smirk and tilting your head. Don’t let him think he bothers you. “Can I think about it? I’m really hungry.”

“Of course,” he replies. And with one nod, you walk away from him, still feeling the serial killer’s eyes on you until you get away from the center of the lower floor. 

The cafeteria was indeed filled with shelves of food and drinks. As you stare at a wall of food, you are overwhelmed with the choices, not being used to seeing multiple foods that are actually still edible and you didn’t have to check their expiration date. You roam your eyes around, looking for something good to eat.

And then you spot that yellow bag of biscuits. Chishiya’s favorite. Seeing it made you grin to yourself. Oh, he’s gonna be so happy. Too bad you didn’t really like those cookies.

There were ramen cups and instant rice too but you figure that a snack would suffice so you grab yourself a packed strawberry cake roll and a chocolate drink. You missed sweets so much. You’re tired of eating instant noodles and whatever canned goods you could find in convenience stores.

There were a few people in the cafeteria. You didn’t like any of them as you stared at them. They stare at you too, probably working out if you were the Jack of Hearts. You give them a smile, one that is confident. Then you give them a nod, one that is out of respect. And then you leave the cafeteria.

You ate the sliced cake roll while walking around the penitentiary, observing the people and keeping the chocolate drink in your hoodie’s pocket. 

No one seemed like a safe option. The big group, the bald man and his mouse, the couple in business attire, Chishiya, and Banda. These are your options. 

And finally, you approach Chishiya and his partner who awfully reminds you of Minions because of his outfit. “Hey,” you talk to the overalls guy, purposefully ignoring Chishiya. “Do you guys have room for one more?”

The guy stutters, looking over to Chishiya for some kind of confirmation. Wow, he already trusts him this much? 

“We’re part of this group already,” Chishiya answers for him and points at the blue-dress girl. So they joined the big group? Huh. You wonder why. You know he knows that big groups are dangerous. Once one person’s trust is lost, they’ll go down like dominoes. 

It doesn’t matter, then. You only need Chishiya’s trust. But it seems that he doesn’t want you to join him here.

“Huh,” your reply now was for Chishiya. It’s crazy. He’s driving you insane. Is he still mad that you joined a game? If he cares so much about you then why won’t he just tell you your suit and—you don’t know, keep you alive? 

You place the last roll of cake in your mouth, chewing in front of the two guys. You give a nod at Chishiya who stares at you with curled-up lips, anticipating your next move.

This is dangerous, what you’ve decided to do. 

You could ask Chishiya again or his partner what your suit was and join their big group. But you don’t want to. 

You take a step back and Chishiya’s smirk drops. He wasn’t expecting that. He thought you’d try and persuade him to let you join his partnership with Ippei.

A strange feeling tugs your heart as you walk away from Chishiya. His presence is comforting. It calms you down in this game. And yet, you are walking away from him—from both your safety.

You aim to find the Jack of Hearts yourself. And you won’t be able to do that hiding from Chishiya’s back. 

As if on cue, Banda walks into the central guardroom with another guy behind him. He was tall and had this fringe covering almost half of his face. So he already found a partner after all.

“Replaced me so quickly?” You ask with a smirk as you punch your straw in the chocolate drink. 

“So you’ve decided.” His voice is as sinister as his whole being. It scares you. A lot. But you think you can trust him. You think.

“They all seemed… boring,” you answer truthfully. 

The man behind him watches you carefully and you give him a slight wave. “What’s up? I’m Y/N.”

“Matsushita,” he replies simply. 

You turn around, pulling off your hoodie and hair away from your nape. 

“Heart.” It was Banda who answered, then it was confirmed by Matsushita. 

You ask them if you need to tell them theirs but they said there was no need. You shrug, they must’ve already told each other. 

And so you were in Banda’s group. This is gonna be hella interesting.

You sit by the two guys as the hour passes, watching the other players interact and talk to each other. You don’t doubt that Banda told you your real suit. The killings won’t start yet. Not in the first round. 

“Are you not going to doubt me?” Banda asks you as you sit next to each other against a wall. Matsushita stands beside you, no doubt listening to your conversation now. 

This Matsushita—you don’t like him. He seemed quietly arrogant. Those are the worst kind of assholes. 

“No,” you admit. “You’re not going to lie to me yet.” 

“You still don’t trust me?” He asks but he knows the answer to that. “Then why would you join me? Your life is in my hands now.”

Your mind brings you back to a certain blonde-haired man. His smirks and his clever words. “I like my men a little deranged,” you answer with a shrug.

There was silence between you for a few seconds. The sound of your drinking is the only thing heard. Although you’ve long strayed your eyes from Banda, you still feel his eyes on you. He was thinking deeply, calculating you like a math problem. 

“You don’t like your life outside Borderlands,” he concluded. You pause, turning your head to look at the psychopath. What was he saying? “You’re reckless but smart. You know what you’re doing here. And yet you still paired up with me knowing I’ve murdered for nothing but pleasure. What makes you think I won’t kill you?” 

You scoff. “You won’t kill me in the first round. There needs to be some kind of push before the killing starts. Like a hand triggering dominos.” He listens to you and doesn’t answer for a while, thinking while a sinister smile spreads on his face. You know you’re right. 

“Just as I thought,” he answers before standing up.

The timer turns zero as he stands up and the voice of the game speaks again. 

“It is time to give your answer. Please enter a solitary confinement of your choosing.”

You walked side by side with Banda, stopping at a door next to his. From your peripheral, you could see that Chishiya chose a door two doors down from yours. You’re pretty sure you’re safe for the first round but you can’t help but panic. 

You enter a cell. It’s small and even more depressing than the outside. 

“Please give your answer.”

The speed of your heart beating rises, constricting the air in your lungs. An exploding neck should be one of the most gruesome ways to die in Borderlands. 

You calmly close your eyes, tuning out the panicked thoughts in your head. 

“Heart.”

Silence. 

A rush of relief passes you. Just as you thought. No one is dying in the first hour. 

You step out of the cell at the same time as everybody else does. Banda’s eyes were already on you when you looked at him, giving you the same sinister stare. You wink at him in return before walking off to follow the other players, not even staying to see his reaction.

“Round 2 begins now.”

In the center guardroom, the big group began to thank each other for being honest. You sat on your spot before, in the middle of a sitting Banda and a standing Matsushita. 

“I wonder how long is this going to go on for?”

Matsushita verbalizes the question in your mind. If there’s no trigger, the real game wouldn’t start. But it has to be soon. If not and all the players really are going to be honest with each other, then soon we’d be stuck in this prison in an endless cycle. Even if the food supply is abundant, each round lasts an hour. It’d be exhausting. One can’t get much sleep in an hour. We’d go insane in these dry walls.

“Either the Jack will start to kill or someone afraid of the Jack will start to kill. As Y/N said earlier, until a trigger happens, this will never end.” Banda’s the one who answered Matsushita’s question. 

Before you could give your thoughts, a body slams to the floor next to Banda. It was the boy in the blue-checkered shirt, being thrown off by the bald man in chains. 

“I told you to give me the answer!” The arrogant man screams in frustration. Everyone goes quiet as they watch the situation unfolds. This man couldn’t be more stupid, thinking he would win by using his fists over his partner. 

He was about to attack the man with a kick but you move faster than light, standing and throwing a kick to the man’s stomach before he could hurt the boy, sending him flying and landing on his bottom and away from you. You don’t know why you did it. You couldn’t stop yourself from saving him. Maybe it has become all too pathetic or too painful to watch. At times like these, you really miss Arisu and Usagi. You know they would’ve done the same. Maybe even better than you. 

“What the fuck?!” The man reacts, staring at you with glaring wide eyes. 

From behind you, Banda moves to the boy on the floor, whispering in his ear. You hear it all clearly. While he was asking if the boy was alright, he whispers that he should tell him his suit is a Club.

It was the wrong answer.

The man quickly stands up, glaring at you along the way. He heads for the boy again and you wanted to interrupt if it weren’t for you catching Chishiya’s gaze of disapproval and Banda holding your arm. You glance at Banda's hand on your arm and he lets go, walking back to his spot while the bald man begins holding the boy by his hair.

Don’t get involved, you could almost hear Chishiya’s voice in your head. It’s what he would say to you in this situation.

“Looks to me that you want another beating.” He punches the boy in the face and you put your head down. 

“Give me the answer!” He raises his fist, threatening to throw another punch if the boy doesn’t speak.

“C-club!” The boy stuttered out an answer.

“Huh?!” The man wants him to repeat it louder.

“Club!” he answers, firmer this time yet he still closes his eyes, readying himself for another punch.  

The fist doesn’t come. Instead, the man taps his face like he’s a good dog. “Don’t wait so long next time.” And he lets go of the boy’s hair roughly, making the boy lean on his palms to support himself again on the floor. Then he collapses his body on the floor, curling up and turning into a sobbing mess.

The man passed by Chishiya and his partner, walking through the other players and all of you could see clearly. 

The bald man’s symbol is a Diamond.

“It’s the trigger,” Banda whispers in your ear, making the hair at the back of your head rise. Ah. That’s why he manipulated the boy into saying the false suit. It was to finally start the game.

It didn’t matter now. All is said and done. The boy lied in front of everybody by choice. The wall of trust is broken. 

The game is finally starting… and you couldn’t help but think that it’s your doing.

Just as expected, the lies and mischief started when the bald man’s neck blew up. Everyone is scared, wondering if they’re going to be next.

To make matters worse, the big group recruited the boy who first lied. You can tell that Urumi, the girl in the blue dress, wanted to eliminate him in case he was the Jack. Having such a mischievous leader, that group is going to end up in flames.

“You’re no princess, after all.” You don’t know if Banda is talking about your eating habits or show of skill in the previous round. 

Still, you glare at Banda as you eat potato chips this time around, craving something salty. There was silence as you two sat side by side in the central guardroom. Matsushita has gone to the cafeteria to get some snacks of his own. 

You wonder what Chishiya was doing right now. He’s in the cafeteria with the big group. You’re incredibly bored.

“Underground fighter,” you suddenly say. Banda doesn’t answer but you know he’s intrigued and listening.

“I’m an underground fighter,” you finish your sentence. 

“I see,” he replies as if that answers a lot of questions for him. “Blood, sweat, and glory. It appeals to you.” 

You nod. “I’m a Spades player.”

“Then you’ve definitely fought harder here than back there in the real world.” 

He was right. You thought back to the games you were in—all the games where you had to fight for yourself. It was life or death and yet it gave you that feeling of rush. To put your life on the line gives you an unexplainable feeling that you loved and craved.

“You crave death.” His sudden words make you freeze. “You’re not afraid of being hurt because you want it. You like it more when it’s about to kill you. Because you want it, don’t you? The reason you’re so reckless is that you have nothing to lose. It doesn’t matter if you die today or tomorrow. It’s why you partnered up with me. Because you’re more at risk with me.” 

His face has become awfully close to yours, inches away. He hadn’t put on a smirk this time. Instead, he stares at your soul like he’s known you all your life or he can read you like an open book. Unlike Chishiya, you found nothing but an abyss in his soulless eyes. 

Was it true? Is the reason why you loved fighting so much… because you’re suicidal? You thought about it a lot. That maybe one night, you might just meet your match and finally die in that ring. No one will know. You’ll just disappear into thin air. That was how the underground worked. It was a thought that scared you but somehow calmed you.

If this doesn’t work today, then you’ll just die. But every night, you prove yourself wrong. You win. Was it just a battle with yourself that you deserve to win with the risk of dying?

“What shall you do?” He tilts his head to the side. “I think I plan to keep you alive until the end.” 

The shake in your eyes is probably noticeable now. So you furrow your brows. This man is not the Jack of Hearts. He wants to win this as much as you do. But why? You assume that this is just fun for him, seeing so many deaths. 

Fine, you’ll play the game.

“I want to live,” you firmly say. 

“Why?” He asks. “Why do you want to live?” 

It was almost the same question Chishiya asked you back at The Beach. While Chishiya asked you what was so valuable about your life in the real world, Banda asked you why you want to live. It’s just two questions—two questions that are somehow related to each other. Unfortunately, you don’t have the answer to that yet. Life has never appealed to you. It brought you more bad than good and yet you want to live. Do you deserve to? Probably not. But you don’t care. As long as you can, you will fight to live. 

“So I can live freely. Here.” A lie. But you sensed that that’s what he wanted to hear. It wasn’t much of a secret. If you’re a criminal on trial, which is a better world to be in? A boring, stupid world where you’re on death row or a cruel one where people die every day? Where everyone is equal? Where it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are or what you’ve done or what you haven’t done? Where all that matters is you play the game and survive? You… what would you choose?

He seemed satisfied with your answer, pulling away and looking ahead with his hands on his knees again. “I think… this world is a perfect one.” 

You couldn’t believe it. Did you just agree to an invitation to live in Borderlands? Maybe that’s really how this all ends. When you win the games, maybe it will just be your turn to make them. And then what? Maybe this is really Hell and you’re supposed to die here. 

If you’re a citizen, then you would probably work on the Spades games. Banda would definitely be in charge of Hearts. What about Chishiya? He’ll be in Diamonds, for sure. Is it really possible? A world where you and Chishiya could rule and be free? 

You shake the thoughts away. No. This can’t be it. If that were to happen, then you’re not free. You won’t ever be. Not here. You thought back to that man in the tunnel and what he made you do. You don’t want any of that any more than necessary. You won’t have blood on your hands anymore.

And just like that, an agreement is made between you and the serial killer. 

You’ll work together to know more about the citizens. Meaning, you have to catch the Jack of Hearts and interrogate him into telling you more.

For the next round, the boy in the blue-checkered shirt did not survive the lies of the big group. As expected, he isn’t the Jack of Hearts. 

You were getting some snacks in the cafeteria with Matsushita, even getting some food for Banda. You haven’t seen him eat at all the whole game. Are psychopaths incapable of knowing when to eat too?

You notice Matsushita getting the same brand of biscuits that he has been getting each round. Were those really good? You know you’ve tried them once before and there wasn’t really anything special about it. Nah. There was something off about it. How could he just keep getting the same snacks?

Chishiya’s group is mostly at the cafeteria during the rounds. Though, instead of sitting with them, he’s usually at a table beside them with the minion guy whose name you learned is Ippei. He’s just there, eating away his damned biscuits. Sometimes, he would even put four pieces into his mouth while staring into your eyes. Damn, he really missed them, huh?

From what you’ve eavesdropped on, things are starting to get messy with the big group. The blue-dressed girl is starting to turn on her members one by one. Now, you realize that the sole purpose of her making the group is to gain control over who dies first. As if she could get the Jack that way.

For the next few rounds, they fall like dominos. Their pictures are blacked out on the screen as if they’re players on a game show. They were visibly and loudly stressed, the members of the big group. Soon, they’ll be out like a light.

By round nine, you noticed that Chishiya and Ippei were somewhat separated from the group but are still there, opting to not include themselves in their arguments. He really just needs Ippei, you think. 

Banda has been keeping you alive so far. And you don’t think he’s been lying to you so far in any of your conversations alone with him. However, it’s Matsushita that has been suspicious. 

You have a feeling that he’s planning to eliminate Banda somehow. But you aren’t sure how. Does he think Banda’s the Jack of Hearts? 

And those biscuits. You’ve figured it out by round six. He’s communicating with the girl in office attire, the one with the boyfriend who was keeping her away from all the other players for protection. Yaba and Kotoko are their names if you remember them right from the screen. 

If the girl’s communicating with Matsushita then that means that she doesn’t trust her partner. From afar, Matsushita and Kotoko looked awfully submissive to their partners, Yaba and Banda. So, they’ve been scheming, acting like they’re being controlled.

Then it was just seven of you. You, Banda, Matsushita, Yaba, Kotoko, Chishiya, and Ippei. 

Ippei has been distressed the whole game. Unlike the people here who have been tainted by the games, he was pure. You’re glad Chishiya found a partner like him. 

But he’s wavering. And not in the way the others wavered into lying to save themselves. In fact, the boy looked disgusted with all the lies and killing. Just how did he survive all those games before?

“Y/N.” 

An agitated beckoning whisper pulls you back from your worry for Chishiya’s well-being and partner. It was Matsushita, looking around like he was wary of someone.

Huh. He’s going to try and eliminate me.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, feigning worry.

“Did you know that Banda’s a serial killer?” He asks like it’s new information.

You raise your brows and freeze from getting a snack on the shelf, turning your head to the man acting like you are in pure shock. “W-what?” 

“Before Borderlands. In the real world, he’s a serial killer. I think we should eliminate him. He may be the Jack of Hearts.” He explains distraught. 

Before you can react to his acting, Banda strides into the cafeteria. You shift and give the entering man a smirk. 

“Got that thing you brought me last time?”

You nod and reach for the snack and throw it in his direction. He catches it with ease as it lands on his stomach. 

“Let’s go back to the guardroom,” Banda says to both of you, taking a swift glance at Chishiya and his partner who was sitting on one of the tables as well. 

You follow Banda closely, wanting so badly to take a glance at the man in the white jacket when you feel his burning gaze following you and Banda. 

Chishiya’s all alone for the next round. You gathered that maybe Ippei couldn’t handle the mental pressure and eliminated himself because you don’t think that Chishiya would’ve given him the wrong answer when he needed him so much. He’s probably in the cafeteria all alone right now. Matsushita’s heading there right now to get his biscuits, leaving you alone with Banda just right outside the hall of the cafeteria. 

You don’t know why but you feel like this is the final round. 

Oddly, Banda’s keeping a close eye on you. You wonder if it’s because of him seeing you and Matsushita talking. 

He put a hand in front of you when you wanted to follow Matsushita into the cafeteria. You hope that he doesn’t think you don’t trust him anymore. 

“It’s him, isn’t it?” 

You break the silence with a mutter. And then he smirks, confirming your question. Matsushita’s the Jack of Hearts. He was right there beside you all along. 

You don’t say anything more, knowing that Matsushita’s about to come back any minute. You notice that Yaba gave Banda a glance when he passed. Either he finds Banda suspicious or they’ve been communicating too. 

By now, it’s you who’s not sure if you can still trust him.

“I won’t lie to you.” Banda is the one who speaks now, still not looking at you. “You don’t have to worry.” 

It was oddly comforting that you almost forgot that you were talking to a psychopath who kills women, of all people. However, you stayed quiet and nodded. 

Matsushita’s taking a bit long taking his biscuits and you know that Chishiya must’ve spoken to him in there somehow. He doesn’t have a partner, after all. Someone has to tell him about his suit. You want to do it for him but Banda’s keeping an eye on you.

When Matsushita appears again, Banda asks him what happened.

He fidgets on his biscuits packet and then answers. “The Jack of Hearts. I think that it’s that guy.” Then he points to Chishiya’s picture on the screen.

“I thought he was suspicious too,” Banda replies while looking up at the screen. 

“Hm. He did seem quiet through all of this.” You add. There was no point in denying Chishiya being suspicious. You nod at Matsushita as if complimenting him on his observance. But honestly, you want to punch his stupid fringe away from his eye. 

“Well, don’t worry.” He looks at you and Banda proudly. “He’ll die this round. I promise you that.” 

“Good,” you tell him and give him a smile but your blood was boiling deep inside. You wanted to punch him. He definitely lied to Chishiya about his suit back there. 

Fuck. How will you save him? How will you protect him? Think. I have to get out of Banda’s sight.

“Let’s tell each other’s symbol then,” you suggest. “I’ll go first.”

You turn around, lowering your hood and parting your hair from the back. Again, it’s Banda who first speaks up.

“Club.” 

When it was confirmed by Matsushita, he turned around. With Matsushita’s back turned to you and Banda, Banda gives you a glance and smirks. It was time. 

“Spade,” Banda says. 

You nod even if Matsushita couldn’t see it. “Spade,” you agree.

Then it was Banda’s turn. 

This time, Matsushita’s the one giving you a look.

“Spade,” Matsushita claims. 

You nod at Matsushita. “Spade.” 

Banda turns around and looks at the two of you as if assessing your faces. 

“Hm,” he hums. “I’m going to the restroom.” 

Finally, you’re free of this psychopath. 

“I’m going to get some snacks while you’re at it,” you reply. 

You watch as Banda walks away and turns into a corner. Just as you were about to walk off, Matsushita pulled you to the side.

“You’re a Heart. Banda lied to you.” He whispers in your ear. 

So his plan is to kill all of you here.

You nod and thank him. “Good. Thanks.” You whisper back and head to the cafeteria. 

However, just as you were about to leave the guardroom where Matsushita also is, Chishiya walks in. Fuck. How were you going to tell him his suit if he wasn’t there anymore?

You’re sure he still doesn’t know it. Matsushita lied to him and you’re sure Kotoko wouldn’t tell him anything. It’s up to you to give him some kind of sign. 

You take a swift glance at his nape. Diamond. How fitting for him. 

In the cafeteria, you got yourself some sweets and a chocolate drink again. There has to be some kind of sign you could give him. You look through the different kinds of snacks, wondering if you could sneak a tiny piece of paper into them. But that’d be too obvious. And you’d have to give him the snack. 

Then Matsushita’s biscuits catch your eye. 

Hm. You’re sure Chishiya would’ve noticed it too, right?

Hastily, you grab the pack of biscuits with the color of the wrap corresponding to his symbol and exchange it with your cake. Just as Matsushita and Kotoko have been doing.

Walking into the central guardroom, you munch on the cookies loudly and everyone turns their head to you, Chishiya included.

Please get it. 

Banda’s already there beside Matsushita and he was staring at you like a hawk. When you approach them, you wave the biscuits in front of Matsushita’s face.

“Yo, I tried your biscuits and I can see why you can’t get enough of them,” you say and bring another piece into your mouth. “Hey Banda, do you think we can get some of these supplies if we win?” 

“Maybe,” Banda actually replies to the stupid question. 

You hum, nodding while you chew your food. 

Your palms were cold inside the pockets of your jacket as you stand in front of the cell’s door. You’re a Club. Not a heart. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. 

Banda gives you one last glance with his dark eyes before opening his cell door and getting in. When he’s out of your view, Matsushita takes your line of sight. He gives you a nod as if you’re really partners and has deceived Banda. 

You noticed that he hasn’t even held his cell’s knob, waiting for you to get in. You sigh internally. You wanted to be the last one to get in and tell Chishiya his suit verbally. 

However, Chishiya has already opened his cell and gone in. You close your eyes and lick your lips, suddenly anxious. The lights inside this penitentiary are starting to hurt your eyes. The walls are dim as the lights are. No doubt prisoners go insane. 

Sighing, you open your cell and go in. 

“Please give your answer.”

Who do you trust? Banda or Matsushita? The Jack of Hearts or a serial killer?

Well, if you die then you die. 

“Club.”

A loud explosion is heard across the cells and your hands shot up to your neck. When it hits you that your neck is untouched and still very much attached to your body, you lean your back on the wall of the cell in relief. You’re alive. Banda hasn’t lied to you. Not even once. 

Then who died?

Anxiously, you wait inside your cell as you hear a cell door creak open. You’re not getting out there yet. Not without knowing who’s out there. 

A sinister laugh echoes through the halls and the cells. Matsushita. The Jack of Hearts. Has he thought he won? 

Then another door opens. You wait patiently, hoping it’s Chishiya. 

And then you hear that voice.

“I had a feeling you were the Jack of Hearts.”

Glee and relief rush through your veins and you smile with your head down. He’s alive, after all. That’s good.

“How did you—“ Matsushita is probably confused, thinking he successfully deceived everyone and won his own game. 

“You teamed up with Banda from the start and he’s a murderer so it just made sense,” Chishiya continues. 

“But Y/N teamed up with Banda too and she died,” he even tries to argue, thinking he really got you with his plan.

“Maybe. But Banda approached her first. You, however, approached him first and were moved by his little monologue. Still, I know you didn’t trust him. Not that fast.”

Then another cell opens. “Most people won’t even talk to a guy like me but you wanted to kill me. I could sense that in you right away.” It was Banda as you expected. “So I wanted to see if you were smart or just stupid or whether you were a true psychopath.”

“You mean…” You could sense the frightened tone in Matsushita’s voice, probably in disbelief. Still leaning against the wall and listening, you cross your arms and put a foot against the wall. You don’t want to come out yet. For some reason, it feels safer to be in isolation from those men.

“You thought you were controlling me this whole time but I was manipulating you into thinking that way. Ultimately, it was your huge superiority complex that gave you away.” 

Banda’s voice got clearer by the last sentence which means he’s right outside your door. 

“That kind of self-importance usually comes from being put into a special position—something that made you untouchable. In this case, it’s being chosen as the Jack,” Chishiya explains further.

And then your door opens, revealing you to the three men. You raise your head, finding that it was Banda who opened your cell. Banda gives you a proud look as you step out of your cell. Matsushita’s eyes widen at the sight of you alive and well. Behind him, Chishiya gives you a little wave. 

“Sorry. We already exchanged symbols before the three of us did.” You tell Matsushita. Betrayal doesn’t feel so great now, doesn’t it?

“You guys are wrong. Banda’s the Jack of Hearts!” Matsushita points at Banda, looking stressed and agitated.  

“Sorry, kid. It’s not Banda.” Yaba claims as he walks into the hall with his hands in his pockets. He must’ve slipped out of his cell as soon as the timer ended. 

Matsushita’s lips tremble at the sight of another player he failed to kill. “You and Kotoko were communicating. I told Kotoko her symbol and yet she still died. Which meant that Kotoko was being manipulated by someone other than me.” 

“Well then,” Matsushita nods, then points at Chishiya. “You should be accusing this guy.” 

“Whenever I went to the cafeteria, you and Kotoko would be there, getting snacks at the same time.” Chishiya is quick to counterpoint. A smile spreads across your face. So he did notice. “And every time, you’d get the exact same kind of snack. You and Kotoko were secretly communicating in the cafeteria.” 

“Both of you were just pretending that you were being controlled,” Chishiya concludes. 

“There were four different flavors of the snack,” you add, inserting your hands inside your jacket pockets and pulling out the empty packet of the biscuits you’ve eaten for Chishiya. “You would confirm your symbols by checking the packaging, using those snacks as a code with each other.”

You shifted your gaze from Matsushita to Chishiya and smiled sweetly, waving the empty packet. “I knew you’d caught on pretty quickly, Shuntaro.” 

Chishiya smiles back at you, raising a brow. “Yes. That’s how I got to know my symbol for this round. Thank you, Y/N.” 

“W-what? You two knew each other?” Matsushita is yet again shocked at another deception. Even Banda raises his brow, gazing from Chishiya to you.

“Kinda. It’s complicated.” You answer with a smirk and then shrug, tilting your head. 

Before the Jack of Hearts or Chishiya could react, Yaba speaks up again, reminding you to go back to the topic. “And then you told Kotoko to give me the wrong symbol. I really did trust her.” Yaba sighs. “Except at the end,” he finishes. He seemed really disappointed about it. Wow, he really planned to protect her till the end. It’s such a shame. But you understand Kotoko. You’d hate it too, the feeling of being controlled. 

Matsushita is short of breath because of his anger. “When did the four of you start working together?” 

“Well, the very first announcement said that this game is about how much we can trust one another. So we simply followed that principle.” As Yaba says that, Banda still has his eyes on you. 

“In order to gain someone’s trust, you can’t control, manipulate, or guide them in any way. You can’t brainwash them or hypnotize them, lie to them, or instill fear.” Yaba states what you basically said to Banda at the beginning of the game as he walks and stops beside you and Banda.

“It’s called equality,” he finishes his monologue.

“Wait a second, how can you be sure that it’s me? The Jack of Hearts could easily be any of you guys.” He looks at each and every one of you. However, nobody listens to his attempt to save himself. 

“Okay, maybe I did try to blame everything on you by setting you up, but look! That’s not enough. You don’t have proof that I’m the Jack of Hearts!”

“You sure about that?” Chishiya teases. 

“Huh?” Banda bites his teasing, confused.

“Just think about it. If they suspected that you were the Jack, then why did you survive the last round? Why didn’t Banda and Y/N lie? Tell you the wrong thing? The reason that you’re still alive is that you’re the Jack.” As he explains, Chishiya walks closer to him. Matsushita’s eyes were drowning in realization.

“These guys planned to keep you alive because they decided they wanna get information out of you,” he whispers but it’s still loud enough for all of you to hear. 

Matsushita turns to face the three of you in horror. Banda and Yaba begin to approach him. With Chishiya on his back and the two approaching him like predators targeting their prey, he was cornered. 

“Round 14. Start.”

Stupidly though, he decides to run. He turns and pushes Chishiya out of the way, running in the opposite direction. It made Chishiya stumble but he was able to balance himself and stay on his feet. Banda looks over at you and you sigh. 

You were obviously faster than the lanky arrogant guy, catching up with him before he could even get to half of the hall. You leap into the air and kick his back, sending his face to the floor. As he grunts in pain, you lift his head through his hair. 

You drag him across the floor as he panics and screams. Pushing one of the cell doors open, you throw him inside, his body hitting the ground with a loud thud. 

Yaba enters the cells first, taking off his coat and you stand on the side. Matsushita looks up at him, scared and weakened. Banda enters next, holding a shaver and a knife. You try not to react knowing what will happen next.

Banda gives you a smirk as you stand against the wall of the small confinement. “Thank you, darling.” He tilts his head while saying it and your face heats up, both a little frightened and surprised at the nickname.

“What are you doing?!” Matsushita cries.

Yaba began to tell him the reason why they were going to torture him. It was suddenly too crowded for four of you in one cell. Oh god. This is going to be gruesome. Do you have to stay here with them?

“Y/N,” Chishiya calls out your name from outside the cell. “Let’s go.” 

You look at him and his face doesn’t look like it’s going to accept any answer other than yes. You look over to Matsushita who was shaking in fear. His eyes met yours and they were pleading for you to help him. You huff and look away. 

“I’m sorry that we won’t be able to kill you.” Banda crouches down to become face-to-face with Matsushita. “But there are other ways to have fun.” 

As Bands holds the blade against his face, you take it as an opportunity to slip out of the cell. Matsushita’s screams fill the halls of the penitentiary. You and Chishiya stood side by side outside the cell, listening to whatever information Banda and Yaba were getting out of him.

The splurts of blood and the scream for help by Matsushita made you squirm as you sat on the floor against the wall with Chishiya standing by your side. They didn’t get much out of him. 

The torture lasted for an hour. 

When it was time to give his symbol, Matsushita immediately said the wrong answer. Then, the game was cleared. 

You and Chishiya walk together outside of the penitentiary, already having retrieved your weapons. It’s already morning. The two of you look up to the sky to see the Jack of Hearts’ blimp explode. This is the second game you’ve been in. How the hell did you even survive that without Chishiya telling you your suits? 

Banda and Yaba were walking out of the penitentiary side by side before you and Chishiya could even get far from the prison. 

Banda still had his eyes on you as he left Yaba and walked over in your direction. You stop, waiting for the serial killer, and see what he has to say. You grip the strap of the Katana’s sheath tighter to brace yourself for any attack, though you doubt that he would be able to attack you.

“My offer still stands.” 

You don’t know what it is that makes you so intriguing to Banda but you were grateful that it kept you alive throughout the game. However, no matter how odd it may sound, you don’t trust Banda as much as you did inside the game. Outside the game, he still looked like a serial killer who would kill you in the middle of the day. He also said that he only planned to keep you alive till the end of the game. So what about after that?

It did not appeal to you, the invitation to rule this world along with him. He wanted to be a citizen. You feel like Yaba does too. But you? You know you don’t want to. But what if Chishiya wants to? 

Before you could answer, Chishiya does it for you.

“No.” 

You whip your head to the guy behind you, with his chin up and hands inside his pockets. “She’s with me.” 

Banda doesn’t even look at him. His eyes are still on you. “She told me she likes her guys a little deranged.” 

“Exactly,” Chishiya answers again. “Key word: Little.” 

“And I’m assuming that’s you?” Banda finally looks at Chishiya, subtly sizing him up with his dark eyes and smirk. You don’t know what’s happening but you’re not a fan of it.

You step up in front of Chishiya, putting yourself in Banda’s line of sight. He shifts his eyes to you. You glare up at him through your lashes, brows furrowed and frowning like a lioness protecting her cub. It was a poisonous stare that made Banda’s lips curl up in amusement, the same strange gleam in his eyes sparkling like before.

There were no words you had to say as your eyes bore into his, fronting every confidence you have to make him get away from you and Chishiya without a fight. 

“Such a shame,” Banda says. “If you change your mind, or if anything happens and you’re alone, I’m sure we’ll find each other.”

You nod, doing anything for him to get out of your sight even with his frightening last statement. He leaves with Yaba. It seemed he made a companion for the rest of the games anyway. 

When you can no longer see their silhouette, you turn around to face Chishiya, he gives you an unamused look. You frown, already knowing what he’s thinking.

“You didn’t listen,” he scolded.

“You asked me to stay put!” You complain, throwing your arms around. “I can’t just do that.”

“So you go ahead and join a Hearts game? Really?” He starts to turn around and walk while speaking. You follow him hastily, grunting.

“I was supposed to go to a Spades game but the King of Spades showed up. You? What’s your excuse?” You cross your arms as you now walk side by side. 

Chishiya had his hands in his jacket’s pockets. You sigh when you hear his answer. “The King of Spades too, huh? He really doesn’t rest.” 

“Right. Do you think I can take him on?” You ask this time. If there weren’t guns involved. You think you could do it. Maybe. You don’t know. You’ve fought war veterans back in the underground. He seemed to be one of them. 

“No.” Chishiya didn’t even sugarcoat it.

“Then, we have to find Arisu and the others. It’d be better to try and take him down with numbers.” You think out loud.

“Just leave it to them, won’t you?” Chishiya suggests. This makes you frown once again. You really didn’t want to do that.

“No. I want to try and face him. The King of Spades.” You declared. 

Chishiya doesn’t answer anymore but you know he disapproves of it. You two were both doing it lately, just doing whatever the hell you wanted without caring about what the other might think. You’re starting to think that Borderlands is rubbing off on you.

And then you remember the game. 

“Hey, you asshole. You didn’t even try to partner up with me during the game. What if Banda lied to me?” You huff.

He sighs. “I did try to tell you every round. It was how many cookies I ate.”

Oh… Oh! That’s why he was eating four pieces at a time. 

“I slipped the meaning of each count in one of your favorite snacks and you took it. I thought you saw what I wrote. Idiot.” 

“What the…” you were in disbelief, a hand over your mouth. You stop in your tracks, pressing your lips together dramatically and lifting your head as if you were preventing yourself from crying. 

You point to Chishiya. “You’re telling me… I trusted Banda all throughout the game when I could have known my suit every round?”

Chishiya kept walking, not even bothering to look at your dramatic acting. However, you hear him mutter the word idiot one more time. 

You can’t believe this. He still looked out for you. How much of a dumbass are you to not see that fucking note he left in your snack?

“What was the offer Banda made you?” 

You know he’d grow curious about it. He was probably itching to ask about it the moment the murderer walked away. You’ll have to congratulate him for only asking about it now that you’ve found another place to stay at.

It was closer to the center of Tokyo. Now that you know that the King of Spades was roaming around the outskirts of the city, it’s safer for you to be here. Chishiya was right about his hunch as usual. If only you expected it to happen sooner.

“Banda… he wants to be a citizen.”

The thought of the psychopath still gives you goosebumps. He was scary. He’s the kind of man you’d rather avoid than beat up. You wonder what game he went to next. Did he go with Yaba? They seemed to get along after the game.

“And?” Chishiya presses.

“He thinks that I should be one too. He wanted me to join him in staying here. He said I was just like him.” It was funny. How could a psychopath compare himself to you? Somehow, it makes you think. Are you really just like him in some way?

“What a load of crap,” Chishiya muttered as he leaned on the wall of the room, arms crossed with his hood down. You’re currently staying at a condominium. Specifically, your home. 

You were curious if it was still here. Surprisingly, it was. So is this world really just a mirror of the real world, just abandoned? 

“What?” You barely heard what he said so you asked in case you heard it wrong. 

You’ve just finished cleaning it to be habitable to the best of your abilities. You’re just staying here for one night anyway. You just wanted to see it for a while.

“Why are we here?” Chishiya answers your question with another. 

You give him a glare before jumping on your bed. Your back hits the soft mattress, the exhaustion catching up with you. It just hit you that you were awake all night because of the game. “I missed my bed too much.”

“You can go back to your bed once you get back to the real world.” 

When I’m back in the real world, huh? To be honest, your time with Banda is on your mind. What if… There really is no end to this? You need to keep your mind open and have no expectations. You need to prepare yourself for anything.

“How optimistic of you, Shuntarou.”

“How the tables have turned.” Chishiya chuckles in a low voice. “Tell me, has Banda gotten into your head?” 

You scoff but let your silence answer his question. This made Chishiya sigh out loud. As you stare up at the ceiling, you feel the edge of the mattress sink, indicating Chishiya sat down with his back turned to you. 

“It’s just… What if this is really it? What if we can’t go back? What if this really ends when we die? Like Asaki and Matsushita?” You were thinking out loud and indulging Chishiya in it. You’re sure he’s listening. He always was. Even if sometimes you didn’t feel like he was. 

“He asked me why I want to live so much.” You were still staring up at the ceiling, your eyes focused on absolutely nothing. “And you asked me what was so valuable back in my life that I want to go back.”

You pause and think. 

Let’s say that somehow, you are able to go back and finally leave Borderlands? What happens when you’re back in the real world? It’ll be the same. High heels, full-course meals, boring meetings, attending parties, drinking wine. Then, once in a while, you’ll risk your life in underground fights. When you win, you’re back at the hospital, chasing around a guy that you’re not even sure if he wants you. 

And then there’s your father. 

Knowing that piece of shit, he most probably doesn’t care that you’re gone. He never wanted you anyway. You were just a product of an unwanted pregnancy with a whore who chased him around. Well, that’s what he told you multiple times. 

Your mother wasn’t a whore. She was just a girl in love. She loved him and he loved her too. However, he didn’t see a future with her because of her status. She was a nurse and he wanted someone better, someone more powerful. So, when he learned she was pregnant, he pushed her away. 

It broke her heart so much that it killed her months after you were born.

Your father regretted it so much that he loathed you. You were only a reminder of what he lost—of his mistakes. Still, your father never married and you don’t know why when he would insult you and your mother any time he could. You wish he just did so he could look at something else other than you. He took you in, gave you a roof over your head, and fed you but never raised you. You were raised by maids, tutors, and your grandparents who were just as cold but at least they cared more. 

There was never a person you could say that was your own just because they are. You never really felt alive. You had no family. Your friends never really felt like your friends. The money you spend away is never really something you earned. And the person that makes your heart race… was with you because he was after something else. 

Maybe Borderlands is better.

Here, Chishiya is something else. He was still the same, cruel and selfish. But here, you tasted his lips. You don’t know if that’s just him being affected by the apocalyptic situation you’re in but you were still happy it happened. 

You’re happy here because the people around you here, they’re reaching for you—actually you. They wanted you. They weren’t reaching for their past lover that birthed you, weren’t reaching for a few paid bottles of alcohol or food, weren’t reaching for social connections, weren’t reaching for wealth, weren’t reaching for a punching bag—weren’t reaching for anything at all but for some reason, their hands found you first. 

And so they settled. 

But here, you found Arisu and Usagi who relied on you and you relied on them. Here, you can feel that Chishiya cares about you. Here, he wore the jacket you gave him.

“Chishiya…” A tear fell out of your eye. You didn’t even realize that you were on the verge of crying. “I think I can accept it. If this is the end for me.” 

Ice-cold skin collides with your laid out hand on the bed and you almost jump in shock because of the temperature. 

Chishiya who still had his back turned to you, reached out for your hand… and held it. 

You can’t see his face, not when he wasn’t letting you. Chishiya never liked skinship. He was always eager to push you away whenever you tried to initiate it. You respected it though. You would always annoy him only with your words but you always remembered to keep your boundaries. 

But here he was, with his hand on top of yours. 

Honestly, it was more awkward than comforting. Your hand is frozen in place, unsure of what’s happening. The room was dim and you don’t have a clue what his face looked like right now. Never has Chishiya ever shown you empathy in words or in actions. This is the first time he has ever touched you like this.

“Shuntarou?” It was a whisper, calling out his attention and at the same time asking him why he was holding your hand. “What’s wrong?”

Like a feather, his touch is soft and fleeting. Within seconds after your question, his hand lifts off of you as if it was never really there. 

Before you know it, your bed dips on each side and you realize that Chishiya is now hovering over you with his hands on either side of your head and knees on either side of your legs. 

Your breath hitches and heat immediately rushes to your face at the intimate position. The air is suddenly heavier as the atmosphere changes. You see his face through the moonlight coming from the window. Up close, Chishiya’s face is clearer like you can memorize every detail and be able to draw it like a portrait artist with a photographic memory. 

His brow was slightly furrowed and his lips were parted slightly. He was staring you down right in the eye like he was trying to say something. They were blazing as if he was raging, his mind boggled into a million words but he couldn't speak of it.

You blink, confused as your gaze fleets to his lips, remembering your previous kisses. 

And then his gaze finally softens and a hand that was digging the mattress beside you moves to your face. It caresses your cheek and you involuntarily lean into his hold. Then, it moves up to your head, pushing your hair back away from your face so he could see it more clearly.

Your eyes sparkle in front of him. The untied lower half of his white hair is falling in your direction. You always loved the length of his hair. Sometimes, you would crave to run your hands through them. However, that was just a fantasy before.

Longing. Comfort. Lust. Which one of these three is he trying to say to you? 

His hand stops on your cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. Then, his hand moves to your lips, thumb pressing into the soft parted flesh, caressing it. It stops in the middle and presses further. 

You decide to take things further, the hell with whatever he was trying to do. You parted your lips and encircled his thumb with your mouth as you stared up at him intensely. Your wrapped lips suck him in and you see his brows rise and eyes darken. You let your tongue run through his finger, sucking like you would another part of him. And finally, with a loud pop, you let his thumb go. 

For a few seconds, all you could do is stare at each other with overwhelming lust in your eyes. Whatever the conversation was earlier, long forgotten. Right now, the need for each other is heightened, your core being awakened. His mouth finds yours immediately, smashing one another with a burning passion. His hips lower and you feel the hardening of his center on your abdomen. You lift your hips up as you gasp into the kiss, feeling the pressure of his clothed cock against your pulsing heat. Wanting to feel more of him, you grind yourself up to him once more. 

As you do that, Chishiya pulls away from your mouth, buries his head on your neck, and moans. Oh, you were going to be addicted to that sound. You want to hear more of it. 

“Do you want me, Shuntarou?” He was still littering kisses on your neck as you asked that question. This a bold question. What are you going to do if he says no? 

And yet he doesn’t answer. He continues licking and biting your neck. However, his hand rises to your cheek and then he does it. Two taps with three fingers. The same as he did that one morning after sharing your first kiss. You hadn’t minded it then, thinking it was just some cute gesture that he’d do instead of showing affection to you. Well, it is. But it’s more than that. Specifically, you don’t know what it means. But it seemed like a yes. You just had to be sure.

“Tell me.” You hold his hand that was holding your face.

He lifts his head that was buried in your neck, finally looking at you in the eyes. “Yes.”

Then he closes the distance between you once again. You surrendered yourself to him completely, with him pulling you in with his hands beside your face. You grasp the sides of his shirt, crumpling it as you try to pull it up, wanting to feel his bare skin. He smirks against your lips, pulling away and kneeling on the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his lean body to you. 

You sit up, immediately drawn to his body. He lets you eye himself, picking up your hand and placing it on his chest. You look up at him through your lashes with enlarged pupils, pulse racing, and mouth agape. He looks down at you with equally as much emotion. You know this through the feeling of his heart beating in his chest. Chishiya wasn’t much one to show off his body. You admit that he wasn’t the most athletic but he did exercise as much as he needed. He wasn’t as fit but he was healthy.

You feel his body through your hands, running them up and down his chest and stomach, memorizing the feeling of his skin against your palms. You rarely see him topless so you wanted to remember this. He bends down to capture your lips again, caressing your cheek gently then down to your neck, to your shoulders, and then your waist. 

You gasp against his lips as he lifts and spins you around, sitting you on his lap. You’re on top of him this time, legs folded on his sides while your heat directly sits on his crotch. 

His lips are back on your neck, sucking and marking them. You rest your hands on his shoulders as he continues his attacks of kisses on your neck. His hands on your waist go lower and under the fabric, goosebumps forming from his touch. His hands roam around your skin under the shirt, inches away from the underside of your breasts. When he finally feels them, he freezes.

He pulls away from your neck and with a frown, he asks. “You aren’t wearing a bra?” He seemed a little pissed.

“Who the hell wears a bra to sleep?” You ask, dumbfounded and confused as to why this is relevant. 

“You should always be ready to run.” He complains like an idiot, brows furrowed. “Do you always sleep like this here?” He raises a brow. 

“Of course not, you idiot. Only with you.” 

After you said that, the corner of his lips tug into a satisfied tight-lipped smile. You smirk back, hands on the hem of your shirt. You pull the clothing off of you, exposing your braless breasts to him. The cold air hitting your skin hardens your nipples instantly, catching Chishiya’s eye in the process. 

Most of the time, you feel comfortable with your body. You like to think you looked sexy with your well-built body. Then again, Chishiya has never looked at you like this—not in this context. 

It made you feel a bit insecure, not being one of the girls with perfect, unbruised skin and thin delicate bodies. 

You cower in his gaze, not quite covering yourself but looking away to avoid seeing his reaction further. He notices this and uses two fingers on your chin to bring your face back in his direction. 

“Look at me,” he orders. With glossy eyes filled with want and lust, you stare at his eyes, the beauty mark under his right eye, and his delicate lips. “Only look at me.” He repeats himself. 

You nod, holding his gaze for a while before he leans to pepper kisses on your chest, not quite reaching where you want him most. His hands were on your ribs, thumbs tracing the underside of your breasts. Then his lips finally circle the curve of your breasts, sucking the skin and marking them as he did with your neck. 

“Shuntarou.” You were pleading, whining, and asking him to place his mouth or even just his hands where you really wanted him to. You jolt when his hand comes up to pinch your nipple, earning a moan from you. 

“Patience,” he reminds you.

He continued licking your skin, kissing your neck and chest alternately while holding one of your boobs in hand, massaging them. Your sensitive nipples were aching to be touched. You badly wanted to take his head in your hands and bury his face in your chest so he could smother them with his mouth.

When his tongue licks one nipple like a kitten as if testing the waters, you shudder. A soft whine slips from your mouth, not being able to control yourself and place a hand on the back of his hair as he fully envelopes his lips on your nipple, sucking it ferociously. 

Throwing your head back in pleasure, you grind your crotch on his hardening one. The friction of your clothed regions goes directly to your clit and now you were sure that you were soaked. Deciding you absolutely wanted more, you place both your hands on his shoulder and ground yourself on his clothed cock repeatedly while he flicks, licks, and sucks your hardened buds. He was eager to taste every inch of your chest and you were drowning in absolute bliss.

Hands shot down to your torso, stopping you from your back-and-forth motion. You frown as he pulls away and stares at you with a smirk.

Before you can protest, he flips you over again, earning a squeal from you. He captures your lips again in a desiring kiss and your arms instantly wrap around his neck, making him press an arm to the mattress by the side of your head. 

His other hand is still at your hips, thumb circling the skin just above the band of your shorts. It inches closer and closer until a finger is hooked under the soft material, teasing but not pulling it down quite yet. His hand goes under the material, feeling your underwear with his palm. You involuntarily clench as his palm goes directly to your clothed clit.

You feel him smirk in between the kiss as he feels your wetness, encouraging him to nibble on your lips. You were in dire need of him. You needed him to touch you, to mark you, to fuck you. 

“Please,” you plead, breaking the kiss and looking up at him with hazy lustful eyes. 

“Are you sure?” He asks, his hand going still under your shorts. You nod almost immediately and vocalize your consent. 

He doesn’t wait for a second after he hears it and slides your shorts and panties down your legs. You slightly shiver when the cold air hits your bare center, feeling the wetness dripping from it. His hands parted your legs so he could see more of you, making you feel a little more conscious than usual with a rose tint on your cheeks. You were completely bare in front of him while he was still clothed from the waist down. You should be a little shy but you weren’t, something about the dynamic feels more erotic.

Chishiya’s hands are moving slowly from your thighs but not quite getting where you want them. Instead, his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs, massaging them with a purpose: to tease you and make you wetter.

When he is satisfied, he bends downwards. Oh. You didn’t expect this.

He licks one languid stripe from your hole to your clit, gathering the wetness on his tongue to which he swallows with a hum, his cat-like eyes fluttering open after. You swallow the lump in your throat as you stare at him in the eye, wide-eyed at the erotic scene that Chishiya played out for you. 

“Delicious,” he comments before diving in for more. Your hands immediately shoot down to make a home in his white hair as his head is buried between your legs, your back arching in pleasure as you gasp. 

He presses open-mouth kisses to your clit and you don’t know what to do with yourself, feeling lost in the immense pleasure he was giving you. You tug at the strands of his hair but he doesn’t seem to mind, his ministrations to your cunt the only thing he’s focusing on. 

Chishiya was like a man who suffered drought for years with the way he was eating your pussy. Half of his face is probably covered with your juices. You were only seeing the mop of hair between your legs but you can definitely feel his face mold against your heat. 

He hums as he eats you out, sending vibrations and shock waves to your spine. You love Chishiya and you admit you thought about him naked from time to time. You also fantasized about this happening once or twice but hell, you didn’t know that it’d be the first thing he’d do and be so good at it. 

He begins to catch on soon that it was clit stimulation that sends you closer and closer to that aimed high. The pressure begins to build in your abdomen, making you mewl and moan out his name to continue with whatever he was doing. It was a bit embarrassing how fast he could make you reach this point in only a few minutes. Was it because he was really good or was it because you held feelings for him that you hadn’t for anyone else? 

The sound filling the room is obscene, his tongue lapping your wetness echoing your bedroom walls. Your clit is throbbing underneath his tongue. 

The tension building up in your stomach rises with every flick of his tongue on your bundle of nerves and you feel it closer than ever to your most wanted high. 

“Chishiya,” you sob, fingers tugging his hair. “Baby, please…”

The nickname slipped out in the midst of your begging. What’s funny is you don’t even know what you’re begging for. For him to not stop or for him to make you come already? Maybe it was both.

“I know,” Chishiya murmurs against your cunt and gives your clit one extended suck before practically lifting your bottom half from the bed and digging his head further into your pussy.

He’s quicker than ever and you can’t not appreciate seeing Chishiya’s blatant display of eagerness and lust. His nose is pressed against your pelvis, lapping up your cunt as if it’s the last thing he’ll do. Your wetness is dripping down your thighs, pussy providing more for him like a water source. 

“Oh, ngghh… Shuntaro… Yes. Fuck!” You moaned incoherently while your hips involuntarily grind against his face. He doesn’t mind, his hot appendage flicking his tongue against your swollen clit and heating you up further.

You’re going insane, not knowing where to put your hands. They went from his hair to grasping the sheets, to feeling every inch of your naked skin, to groping your tits and pinching your nipples, to pulling your hair, and then back to his mop of hair between your legs. You were an absolute mess and it was all because of Chishiya’s mouth on your pussy.

You were a mess and your mind is blank, void of any thoughts except of the knowledge that you were about to cum. Your stomach is unwinding at a breakneck speed, your breathing heavy as Chishiya is working endlessly to get you there. He pushes and pushes until—

And then you came.

Your legs clasped around Chishiya’s head as you came, your moans in the form of screams. You can’t hear anything, too indulged in the sinking pleasure and gasping for air. He was still there with you, continuing to eat your pussy like you weren’t cumming messily under him.

You were trying to catch your breath when it subsided, finally releasing Chishiya from your legs by parting them. He gazes up at you to admire your face which was cherry red and wet with tears you didn’t even know were there.

You give him a lopsided smile, eyes content and chest warm. 

You pull him from below you and he lets himself be carried to your face, lips meeting in a soft kiss. It’s a sight to behold, half of his face covered in your juices. It is seldom that Chishiya is caught in a mess and right now, it was all because of you.

His fingers are on your core again, not even letting your sensitivity subside. You don’t complain though, excited with what more he could give you.

He spreads your wetness around your pussy, careful enough to go around your sensitive clit to not hurt you. Your tongue explores his mouth, tasting yourself in the process. 

His finger is prodding your hole, teasing the tip in and out or circling it. When he finally enters you with a finger, you gasp. He was already knuckle deep, not pulling it out but curling that finger until the pad of his finger felt that spongy spot inside you. 

You grasp the bicep of the arm that was beside your head. He leans down to suck your nipple again, making you arch your back again. He adds another finger, navigating your pussy as if wanting to learn every crevice of your cunt. 

He pistons his fingers in your pussy while overstimulating your sensitive nipples. The pleasure was immense and you abruptly sat up when his pace went faster, hitting that certain spot inside you that’s an instant gateway to your edge. 

Contrasting your loud moans and constant citing of Chishiya’s name, your partner is not as audible as you expected. Unlike your other partners before, he’s more on actions than words, making sure you were enjoying, checking every sign of your pleasure or discomfort in your face. 

He wraps an arm around your back, supporting your upper body slightly closer to his as his other hand is knuckles deep inside your cunt. 

You were mumbling incoherencies as his fingers repeatedly hit that spot while his mouth worked expertly on your tits. 

“Again,” he orders. “Cum for me again.”

He inserts another finger as he says that and the stretch burns so good. You often dreamed about his hands. God, his hands. Delicate and well-controlled. He was a doctor, after all. You don’t forget how in med school, you’d watch his hands as he demonstrates something and your mind would trail off somewhere. Now, those same fingers are where you want them to be. 

What else could you do but comply?

Your orgasm gushes out and takes you off guard. His fingers don't stop, each thrust of his fingers making your cunt squelch. The sound is lewd and you don’t think you’ve been pleasured like this your whole life. It was so unfair. How is Chishiya handsome, intelligent, and good at sex? 

You were panting when you came down from your high, staring at Chishiya with spent and glossy eyes.

“W-what the fuck,” you breathed out, unbelieving what just happened. He just made you cum two times and you haven’t even seen his dick. 

“Are you tired? We can stop here.” He asks you out of concern. You’re already vigorously shaking your head as an answer. 

“No. I want to feel you,” you say while palming his erection over his pants. “Want to taste you too.” 

“You don’t have to.” He was serious about it, eyes soft and genuine. Men would often want a reciprocation when it comes to oral sex, that is, if they even gave one in the first place. But Chishiya, this man right here, the man you adored since the first day, he was different.

“I want to,” you say before wrapping your arms around him and pressing your lips against his. You pushed his body to lay down on his back and you trail your kisses from his lips to his neck to his chest and down to his pants. His legs spread, lying comfortably on the mattress.

Unlike Chishiya who liked to take it slow, you were impatient, tugging down his pants and briefs in one motion before completely removing them and throwing them somewhere on the floor. His cock springs out and it was already hard and leaking at the tip. You look at it with anticipation, basically salivating as you were eager to taste him.

You wrap your hand around the base and licked the tip with your tongue, making him hiss. You were sure to taste him first before anything else then you moaned as he did when he first tasted you, looking up at him dirtily through your lashes.

His eyes were shut close and his jaw was clenched, basking in the second of pleasure. You wanted more from him—to make him a mess under you as he did you.

You spread his pre-cum with your thumb and then spat, using both as lube as you slide your hand up and down his shaft. His face contorts into pleasure and hums. 

Finally, you wrap your lips around his tip, swirling and sucking it as if it’s the last meal you’ll have. Chishiya was of decent length but the girth—oh god, the girth. It suddenly made sense why he used three fingers on you earlier. 

You push your head down on him, taking him little by little. If he was good at it, then you’ll show him how great you can be at it too. You bobbed your head back and forth, taking more and more of him at every thrust. Your hands massage his balls as you suck his cock. 

Chishiya’s head is thrown back when you glance up, his beautiful neck on display for you. This only motivates you more, fastening your pace, not minding as lewd sounds come out of you as you choke and gag on his cock.

Your eyes stay on him, waiting for his eyes to meet yours again. And it does. He glances down at you, teeth clenched together in an attempt to strain a groan from him. “Fuck,” he hissed.

You were probably a messy sight to behold. Tears on your blushing face, saliva leaking out of the corner of your mouth, and all high on pleasure and lust. Despite this, he looks at you in pure adoration in contrast to the sinful situation. 

Freeing his cock from your mouth with a little ‘pop’, you breathe and give him a smile before sticking out a flattened tongue and running your tongue from the base to the tip. You take him in your mouth again, humming to create vibrations as you swirl your tongue and bob your head ferociously. 

And then you hear it. He moans and mumbles your name. 

You didn’t know that he wanted you to stop, taking the sinful sounds coming out from him as motivation to make him come. It was turning you on so much, having such a man writhing with the way you suck his cock. He practically pulls your head away from his cock for you to realize. “Need to be inside you,” he explains in a rush. Once again, he flips the two of you over. There was no warning, no second to prepare.

In one swift motion, his cock enters you, taking his cock inch for inch. You were so wet that he entered with ease, making you gasp and hold onto his shoulders for support. He doesn’t move for the first few seconds, taking in your warmth and tightness. His eyes are closed and his brows are furrowed when his entire length is inside you.

“Shuntarou,” you mewl. Just as you thought, he was on the thicker side, filling your cunt so well. 

“Feel so good,” he mumbles against your neck.

The warmth goes straight to your chest, an unfamiliar feeling during sex. His cock is nestled inside your warmth but you wanted him to move so you grind yourself against him. The sudden friction makes him groan, digging his arms into the mattress as he raises himself just above your face. And then he starts to move.

He pulls out until just the tip of his cock is inside then he slams it back inside again, your sensitivity from previous orgasms doubling the pleasure and making you moan out curses. He starts building the pace, cock thrusting in and out of your heat. It stretches your cunt, every pound hitting your g-spot which he found with ease. Your body jostles with every snap of his hips.

You wanted to keep your eyes open and see every slight change on his face. The way his brows furrow, the way creases form on his forehead, the way his lips part slightly, and the way he pants. But it was all too good.

“Fuck! Oh shit. Please don’t stop!” You plead with shut eyes, tears leaking out of the sides of them as you clench your pussy just as he grinds his cock right at the spongy area of your cunt.

“All mine,” he grunts. “You’re all mine.” It was so lewd and vulgar. You were so wet and loud that you were sure that even the mattress is now soaked with your wetness, your sheets forever ruined. 

“Yes,” you croak. “Only yours.” Your words give him some kind of encouragement, his pace going faster than ever. You’ve never seen Chishiya this energetic. He’s pounding into you with reckless abandon, his cock hitting all your nerves as you wail in ecstasy. 

You both were chasing your high like madmen, you thrusting up your hips to meet his rhythm. Your cunt was clenching around his length and he let out a guttural growl every time you did it. 

“On your knees,” he commands as he pulls out of you.

You get on your knees, hands digging into the mattress to support yourself. He hisses behind you, cock entering you once again in one swift motion. Your back instantly arches and his hands fly down to your shoulder and waist. The hand on your shoulder slides to your neck and then to your throat, wrapping around it lightly. You turn your head to him, catching his smirk as he looks at you while squeezing your hips. He starts moving his hips, cock hitting deeper than ever. He has you rolling your eyes to the back of your head, his hand gripping the sides of your neck and adding to the haziness of your brain. 

You turn your head again, watching as he captivatingly watches his cock move in and out of you. It was good. So good. But it was painstakingly slow.

“Faster,” you beg, voice a little coarse. He complies, grip on your hip and throat tightening to anchor himself as he rams his hips into you faster and deeper, fucking you silly. 

“Fuck!” You scream out, starting to get high on the bliss the sex was giving you. Your back curves to him as he finds his rhythm and thrusts in fast motion. 

The hand on your hips slides down to your pussy, his finger stroking your clit in swift circles. You scream, his dick hitting that sweet spot inside your and his fingers overstimulating your bundle of nerves.

“Chishiya, I’m—“ Your voice hitches, putting all your strength on keeping you steady even if your whole body is turning into jelly. You were completely engulfed in his touches.

“Come,” he commands for the second time. For the third time that day, the coil inside you snaps, your orgasm coming down at you in full force. Loud and messy. Just as you are. 

The fuzzy feeling rushes through your body, making your cunt tighten at your orgasm. Chishiya pounds harder to chase his own. Both of his hands snap back to your hips to avoid hurting you with overstimulation. His hips were stuttering, a sign that he was close too as your pussy cages him. 

“Where?” He asked out loud while you were still coming down from your high. Your mind was hazy but it was clear enough to know what you wanted. “Inside,” you blubber. “I have an IUD.” 

Just like that, he spills inside of you. Underneath him, you were a sobbing mess, sensitive to having three consecutive orgasms. 

You take a glance at the man, his brows were knitted in pleasure, a few strands of his white hair sticking to his face. He was incredibly beautiful. Chishiya was a ravishing man and he just unveiled you. You wouldn’t want more for a while.

“Fuck,” he pants. His hands fall down from your hips and to his sides. He keeps his cock inside you for a few seconds after he comes down from his high before pulling out. Immediately, your body collapses on the mattress, your mixed juices spilling out of your pussy as your muscles all come loose. 

With your head turned to the side and buried in the pillows, you can’t see Chishiya behind you. However, you do feel his hands come down to your ass as he spreads them apart, most probably watching his cum inside you. He collects them with his fingers, the tips of them brushing your sensitive clit in the process and making you shudder. Then his fingers enter your cunt again, pushing your mixed cum into you again. It was so erotic and vulgar, his fingers just ruining your oversensitive cunt. You squirm, the pleasure all too much. 

“Ah…” you moan weakly. Chishiya chuckles and pulls his fingers out of you, the dip of his knees on the bed disappearing and you hear his steps on the floor. You were too tired to look at him but you do hear the water running in the bathroom for a few seconds before his steps return to the bed.

You jolt at the cold and damp towel meeting the skin of your thighs. He wipes you gently, hands working in favor of your sensitivity. He was so gentle that it almost felt relaxing. You let him do what he was doing and close your already droopy eyes.

When he’s done, you feel the bed dip beside you. Your hands immediately find his chest even with your eyes already closed, pulling yourself closer to him as you let yourself finally fall asleep.

When you woke up, Chishiya was gone. It made you nervous, finding the side of his bed cold and another canned food on the top of your bedside table. You reach for it, sighing and reading the label before putting it back down again.

You sat up, your blanket falling down from your body and exposing your naked breasts. It suddenly felt too cold and you notice the clean folded clothes sitting by your blanket-clad feet. 

You get out of bed and decide to shower first. After cleaning yourself, you went back to your bedroom and started dressing up. Starting with the fresh underwear, you slip the panties on first and then the sports bra after. As the band below the sports bra snaps to your skin, you hear Chishiya speak.

“You’re awake,” he walks into the room and sits casually on the chair in front of your desk as if you weren’t half naked—as if you haven’t just had sex. 

“Where were you?” You snapped, not looking at him and taking the yoga pants in your hands. You start slipping your legs into it as you wait for an answer. 

“The King of Diamonds. Registration will start later.” You froze.

The two of you just survived a game together, and now he still wants to join another? Well, he is Chishiya after all. What were you thinking? Just because you two had sex, he’ll magically change overnight? You sigh, pulling the pants to your waist. “Okay,” you reply. 

“Okay?” His voice sounded intrigued. He didn’t expect you to just agree like that.

“Okay,” you repeat, still not looking at him.

You sigh, grabbing the black dry-fit shirt. You pull it over your head as you speak. “I can’t really stop you, can I?” Besides, he hasn’t played a Diamonds game and you know he wanted to. 

You pull the hem of the shirt, all done and dressed up. You know he didn’t want you coming to that game. And to be frank, you were all done with it. You had plenty of days on your visa and there were only a few games left. You have to put your trust in Chishiya. And if you will, a Diamonds game is where you trust him the most. He can do it, right?

“I’ll wait for you here,” you continue. “But only if you promise you’ll come back.” 

You finally meet his eyes, staring at you intently. He was wearing his favorite white jacket, an oversized shirt, and pants. He was all ready. It made you sick how he did it all while you were sleeping soundly. He was to leave you. Did he fuck you because of this? 

He stands up from his seat, walks over to you, and shortens the distance between you. He was inches away from you, pushing your hair to the back of your ear. 

“I promise,” he answers.

You nod with a hard stare. “I won’t join any more games if I don’t have to and if you don’t come back, I’ll leave and start looking for the others. Deal?” You ask him, brows raising.

He was quiet for a few seconds as if he was contemplating an answer or if there was something else behind your words. But he answers anyway. “Deal.”

When you were content, you sat back down on the bed. “You haven’t eaten,” Chishiya observes as he stares at the untouched food beside you. “Not in the mood,” you reply blankly. 

He hums, unconvinced by your answer. He sits down beside you on the bed. “Is this because of last night?” He asks you. So now he brings up what happened?

“No,” you lied through your teeth, aware that you were convincing no one but yourself. His kisses and now sex. Was this just how Chishiya did it? Just hook up and then go on as if nothing happened? Maybe that worked for any random person he did it with but he couldn’t do that to you. Not you. 

He sighs, putting his hands in his pockets. He most likely knows that you were lying. “I didn’t have any motive if that’s what you’re thinking.” He takes a glance at you while he says that then looks in the other direction again. 

“It’s hard to be sure with you,” you reply with a straight face but it comes out sadder than you intended.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, thinking. “I know,” he says. “I know.” His voice equals your saddened tone. 

“Can’t we just be sure? I need you to be sure about me.” Chasing him around, you didn’t get tired of that. You always expected to get nothing in return. You thought that if you do someday get a reaction from him, you’d be content but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Him reciprocating your feelings without actually confirming anything, it hurts more than anything. 

He doesn’t answer and tears well up in your eyes. You hold out your hand, the back of it touching your thighs. “This is hard for me too, you know?” You are your mother’s daughter, you realized. Loving a man that doesn’t even want you. You liked to think that Chishiya isn’t like your father but who knows? It’s hard for you to love too. But you’re trying. It just so happened that your heart chose him. It’s unfortunate but you’re hopeful. 

“I know,” he answers the same thing. 

“You know an awful lot of things,” you snort. 

“I do,” he replies quickly.

You turn your head away from him even if you weren’t previously looking at him to express your aggravation. You don’t say anything else, sitting with him in silence and letting your anger marinate into something else.

“I do know a lot of things,” he continues a little later than a conversation should. “I know everything about you. More than anyone else I know. Your every habit. Your every favorite thing. Your thoughts. Your likes. Your dislikes. I know all of them. It’s not because I’m simply smart. I wouldn’t remember if it’s anyone else.”

A hand on your chin gently moves your face towards him, making you come face to face with him, faces only inches away from each other. His eyes were sparkling in the most expressive way they could be, boring into yours with a purpose.

“I know,” he says again. “I know because it’s you.”

A tear falls from your eye. Then from the other. Then another. Then another until they fall like waterfalls. He captures your lips into a kiss while holding your face, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

“Stop crying,” he whispers when he pulls away. “You look ugly when you cry.” But like a child, you cry harder, hands covering your face. Chishiya chuckles, pulling your hands away from your face and you let him. 

You wrap your arms around him. Words were still unsaid between the two of you, those three words that hang around your heart for years. You wanted to say them in case you don’t see each other again but you were scared. Why? You don’t even know.

“I—“ you stutter. “I have something to say to you when you come back.” He hums again and you feel the vibration of his throat in your touching bodies. 

“So come back, okay?” You sniff.  Chishiya exhales, bringing a hand on your back to tap it two times. “I will,” he promises again. “But don’t go out. Just wait for me. I’ll come back.” 

What else were to do but trust him? 

Chishiya didn’t come back. 

The King of Diamonds blimp had fallen but there was no sight of the white-haired man. Agitated and feeling your body waste away inside the waste of a room he left you in, you worry for your acquaintance. Has he really lost the game? 

No, impossible. It can’t be, right? This is Chishiya we’re talking about. Will he really lose a game—a diamond game out of all suits? This is unfair. You’ve kept your promise. You didn’t join any games and thankfully, there wasn’t any sign of the King of Spades. So why isn’t he back yet?

Your mind goes back and forth. Will you look for him and go outside or will you stay here, patiently waiting for him to come back? If you do go out, you’re breaking his promise and your trust in him but if you don’t go out, you think you’ll go insane out of worry. And what if the worst thing has already happened? Will you just waste away here in this room?

You decided that you won’t wait for him anymore. 

Going outside, you mindlessly walk the streets of London without any destination, occasionally stopping by some places where you can loot some supplies and avoiding any people that come into view if you don’t know them. 

As you are nearing Shibuya, an alarming sound pierces your ears.

Gunshot? But that’s just one. If it were the King of Spades, it should be much louder and followed by more running and bullets. You were near the main roads so maybe more people are there?

What if it’s Chishiya? or Arisu? Usagi? Anyone at this point. Just so you weren’t alone. You groan. You won’t allow yourself to be seen. If it’s no one you know, you can just walk away and run in another direction. 

After you’ve decided, you begin to stealthily walk in the direction of the fire. As you hide from car to car, more gunshots come followed by a little bit of shouting. There were arguments, maybe. Really? In the middle of having only two games left? Are they really going to kill themselves when we’re so near our goal? Sighing, you pick up your handgun and prepare to use it.  

Then it was quiet again as you neared Shibuya crossing. You were maybe two or three blocks away. Who could they be? You hope it’s not anyone you know. Wait, is that? 

That shaggy hair and lanky tall build. That’s Arisu holding a shotgun. And who’s that on top of a car wrapped up like an onigiri—oh. That’s fucking Niragi. He’s aiming at someone. If Arisu is here then that means? Your eyes trail to where the gun is pointed and you spot the short-haired girl in a red athletic tank top. Your eyes watered in shock and happiness. You finally found them. 

However, that bastard Niragi is just a pain in the ass until the end, isn’t he? That fucking asshole. Speeding up your pace, you raise your gun without being heard. Your eyes were focused on Niragi and how his finger is on the trigger. He’s gonna shoot. You’re gonna have to do it fir—.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

It was his shot that rang first. Then yours. Then Arisu’s that sent him flying off the car. Aware of another shot that wasn’t coming from him but his back, Arisu turns around hastily with his gun pointed at you. You immediately raise your hands, showing your defenselessness in order for him to stand down his guard.

His eyes immediately softened when they saw you, putting down his gun and exclaiming your name in relief. “Y/N!”

You run towards him and pat his shoulder before screaming Usagi’s name and running in her direction.But when your eyes shift to where she was, Usagi was still on the floor, and in front of her was… what? Where did he come from? Why are there blood stains on his white jacket? In two different areas, too? What? No. What’s going on? 

“Chishiya!” Usagi’s scream was piercing as his body falls on the road. Arisu goes over to them and Usagi presses a hand on his wound in order to control the bleeding. “Why?!”

You, however, stood frozen in place, just a few steps away from the three. Usagi began asking him why he saved her. It was indeed odd. Even you know that it’s out of character for him. You’d never thought you’d see the day that Chishiya would take a bullet for someone. He always argued that if a person could take a bullet for someone, they would have enough time to move away from the shot. 

Whatever they were talking about, you tune out. You couldn’t hear anything. You feel like your brain shut down and all you could feel inside your body is raging fire. Your heart has stopped taking in anything, overflowing with exuding unexplainable emotion. 

You had shut down.

“I wanted to do something that was a bit out of character.” Chishiya chuckles as he sputters out the words behind the pain. He sighs. “I know it’s thanks to Y/N and the people I met here. Like Kuzuryu. Arisu, too.”

Usagi and Arisu were worried and Arisu even took a glance at you, wanting to check on you as you stared down at Chishiya with a lifeless expression. There were no tears in your eyes, only an unmatchable coldness burning them. No emotions. Your shoulders were relaxed and the lids of your eyes looked as if they were too heavy to keep open.

However, he focuses back on the man dying in front of him. “Hey. What were you gonna say before?!” He asks, pertaining to a few minutes before Niragi went and interrupted them.

Chishiya takes his time to take a breather before answering. “Honest people always seemed pretty stupid to me. I always loved messing with people who try too hard at life. I hated selflessness.” He pauses to breathe again, his voice raspier as his eyes stare up at the sky. “It’s probably because I was jealous. They all had something I was missing.”

He stares at Arisu for a second before looking straight ahead again. “It was like they could always see what a pathetic and small-minded person I really was.” Then his head turns to you who wasn’t even looking at him. You were gone inside yourself. “I was always afraid.” That I wouldn’t be enough for her too, is what he thought as he saw you. 

“I understand you,” Arisu responds, genuinely with a nod. He doesn’t say it just because the man lying down on the ground is in a critical condition. He does understand what he’s saying and what he means. “I thought you would,” Chishiya replies with a bittersweet tone. 

Usagi and Arisu look down at Chishiya with pity and understanding. They were betrayed by this man. He used and manipulated them in his favor. He had hurt Y/N a lot. But this man… is just a flawed human being. While that doesn’t excuse his actions, they do understand him a little bit better. They wished that somehow and one day, he can change and be a better man. 

Usagi looks up at the woman standing quietly in front of them, her eyes widening at her lifeless state. “Y/N?” Arisu follows Usagi’s eyes and hurries to his feet, about to check on their friend who looked terribly off. They’d never seen her like this before. Hell, Chishiya has never seen her like this before.

“I guess hunting rifles aren’t as deadly as you thought.” Grunting at hearing the voice of his enemy, Arisu rushes to where he fell, ready to shoot him once again if he makes a wrong move. However, a hand on his chest stops him and he looks at the person with wide eyes. 

Your eyes were still lifeless and blank. You didn’t even look at him, staring at Niragi’s body who was sprawled on the cement road next to the car. He was still laughing, his breathing uneven with all his injuries and shots. 

“Whatever you do, don’t make me out to be the villain.” The man was dying, it was clear to anyone. But you didn’t seem convinced. “If there were seven billion of me, you guys would all be villains too. You’re pretty lucky you know. You guys are the majority.” 

Arisu lowered his gun, knowing that the man had forfeited. His bloodied burnt face and the bullets in his body are enough for him to not be able to move. However, as Arisu looked at you, you didn’t look like you cared. “Y/N!” He couldn’t do anything but scream your name as you rush to Niragi, kicking his body, and sending him rolling on the ground. 

Niragi coughs out blood. Plenty of it. He doesn’t even try to move or run. He couldn’t possibly do it. He was too weak and injured. You pick up the man by his hair, lifting his body off the ground. With blaring eyes, you throw a powerful punch across his face. His body falls to the ground again. 

“What’s your pr—,” he tries to ask but you weren’t hearing anything. You pick him up by his hair again. But this time, you punch the other side of his jaw. He falls to the ground again and sputters out blood, spitting crimson red and a tooth.

Arisu and Usagi were too stunned to move or speak. You were merciless as you beat up Niragi, punching him multiple times and kicking his wounds repeatedly as Niragi cries out in pain. You weren’t hearing any of his protests. You were completely out of it. Arisu could see that something was wrong. He has never seen you like this before.

From the ground, Chishiya looks up at Usagi who was still pressing down his gun wound. “She’ll kill him,” he tells her, implying that the pair should stop you.

It’s not that he didn’t want Niragi to die. He wasn’t the judge of that, he learned. He also didn’t say that Niragi doesn’t deserve to be beaten by you. He most understandably deserved it. However, he knows that if you killed him, it'll leave a mark on you. You were a fighter but never a killer. 

Usagi and Arisu pull you away from a curled up on the floor Niragi despite your protests and attempts to pull yourself free from their holding. You began screaming, grunting, and raging like a bull. 

“Y/N! Get a hold of yourself! Please!” 

Usagi pleads as she holds your arm tightly. Arisu holds your other one as they both struggle to pull you back. 

“YN, stop!” It was Arisu who screams, having a much more difficult time than Usagi.

As the pair is still trying to hold you back, the familiar sound of rumbling puts them to a halt, frozen over what they know follows. This puts an urgency on Usagi, pushing Arisu from you and moving in front of you. She stops you by holding both of your shoulders in place, planting all her weight on the ground. 

“Y/N!” 

“Y/N!” 

Usagi was in front of you, in distress as she squeezes your shoulders. She was holding on to you with maximum effort, her feet gripping the ground tightly and the force on your shoulders was vehement. Your face relaxes, releasing the tension that was once on it. 

“U-Usagi?”

What was happening? Why is Usagi on the verge of tears? Why can’t you remember anything? Your knuckles are clenched and wet? You look down, seeing the blood and bruises forming on it. What’s the last thing you remember? 

You feel Usagi’s hold loosen as you think. 

You try to retrace your steps. You heard gunshots. You followed them. It was at the Shibuya crossing. You saw Arisu. Then Niragi. Then Usagi. Niragi was about to shoot Usagi. But Chishiya was shot instead. 

Chishiya was shot. Fatally. 

Your face morphs into a horrified one as you remember. You look up, finally processing what has happened and what was happening. The rumbling sound followed by a whistle indicated a blimp was near. Chishiya was shot and the King of Spades was about to come. 

Snapping out of it, you turn around and run to where you know Chishiya is. Dropping to your knees beside him, tears began to sting your eyes as you try to press your bruised hand on his wounds.

He was fatal. There were two shots, one below the rib and another on the chest. You know you can’t carry him away to a safe shelter. He was too exhausted and he was losing too much blood. And you have to run now, quickly. 

With your touch, Chishiya’s eyes open again but with struggle. He looks up at your face that had worry and devastation written all over it. 

“H-hey,” he greets you with a corner of his lips curled up. He could barely keep his eyes open.

You broke into a sob, tears flowing down your cheek as you stared at the bloody mess in front of you. “Shuntarou. T-tell me what to do. Please. We can stop the blood. I can carry you to the nearest drugsto—“

He shakes his head, not even listening to your cries in an attempt to help him. “I-No. The jacket. I’m sorry.” 

Your brows furrowed as you scrunch your forehead in confusion. “What?” 

A hand lifts to the blood on his jacket. Was he trying to say sorry about ruining his goddamn jacket?

“Are you fucking serious? That doesn’t matter right now!” You scold him, fist slamming the concrete below you.

The man dying in front of you had the audacity to smirk in his condition. “T-the plant too.” 

Your mouth drops open at his words, momentarily halting your sobs as tears continue to fall from your eyes. The plant? Could it be? 

That’s when you realize that this man bleeding in front of you, unmoving and on the verge of death, is the same man who you met when you were a kid. This is the same man who would ignore you endlessly. This is the same man who pushed you away. 

But this man… has always cared about you. 

You wondered why he hadn’t gotten rid of it all this time. Back at the beach, you saw him wearing it. He had taken it off only one time—when you chose Usagi and Arisu over him. Then he mysteriously has it again when the games started. Had he always cared this much over that damn Nike jacket? Because of you?

You were about to speak again but a loud scream from afar interrupts you, indicating that the King of Spades is near. 

“We have to go!” Arisu screams and runs to you and Chishiya. “We’ll hide them under the cars,” he says and you nod, wiping away your tears. 

Arisu, Usagi, and you dragged Niragi and Chishiya behind the cars. However, you know that wouldn’t do much. But you have to run or be shot to death by the King of Spades right here with them. 

“Come on!” Arisu beckons as he drops Niragi beside the car. You were still beside Chishiya, kneeling beside him and looking at him breathing and alive despite his exhausted and lifeless eyes. You place your hand on top of his and hold it, gripping it so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

You look at Arisu and then back at Chishiya, thinking about what could be the stupidest decision in your life. From the look on your face, Arisu begins to understand what you were thinking. 

“Y/N, we need you.” Arisu pleads with you. You both know that if it ever comes down to taking down the King of Spades, three is better than one. Especially with your combat skills. 

However, you stay on your ground, eyes focused on Chishiya who was now looking at you with confused eyes. “I want to be next to him. If I die, it’ll be next to him.” 

Arisu and Usagi look at each other as if they’re communicating with their eyes. 

Chishiya turns his head, looking away from your focused stare. “Just go,” he tells you, his hand that was in your hold pushes yours away. 

You shake your head in protest. “No.”

The shouts got a lot clearer and the gunshots were louder. The King of Spades is nearing and you were giving Arisu and Usagi no chance to convince you to come with them. But you’re choosing Chishiya this time. As you always had. 

Arisu places a hand on your shoulder and you finally look up at him with tears in your eyes. You give him one last nod and he gives you a stare and nods back. It wasn’t a look of pity but a look of worry and respect. This might be the last time you’ll see him and Usagi. Not all of you might actually survive this time. 

“Be safe, Y/N.” Usagi crouches beside you to hug you.

You nod, patting her back. “Go. Now.” Usagi gives you one last look of determination and stands up in sharpness when you hear the screams and guns fired again. 

And so you watch as Usagi and Arisu scramble away from you. 

You finally plop yourself beside Chishiya, head down low in silence at the realization of what you’ve done. You don’t breathe or make a sound, only staying by his side as the shooting and running take place behind you. 

Minutes passed by and there were still people screaming and being shot but a further distance. You were frozen there, not doing anything but sitting while everyone you meet here is dying. 

Chishiya is breathing slowly but he’s alive. You can feel him looking at you in your peripheral vision but you don’t look back. 

“Is this really what you want?” His voice was weak and soft, unlike the Chishiya you used to know. You don’t answer him, only staring ahead at the ruined buildings of Shibuya. 

You remember walking here like it’s a chore. You remember seeing these streets alive with diverse people. Workers, students, tourists, and residents. It was a busy street. Now, what used to be a place that was never empty and filled with people, is littered with dead bodies. 

“Y/N,” Chishiya continues in a warning tone, trying to catch your attention as your mind is drifting away. 

You shake your head, headstrong on your decision. “No, I’m not leaving you.” 

He sighs. “You’re so stubborn.”

You raise a brow, glaring at him. “And you’re fucking stupid. Look at where you’re shot.” 

Why is it that the moment he turns things around he has to be in the line of fire?

He chuckles breathily, staring down at his wounds with raised brows. You frown when he literally does what he’s told. How can he be so sarcastic when he’s dying?

“What does my doctor think?” Chishiya raises a brow at you. You huff, looking away in annoyance. 

“That you should shut up,” you snap. “Can you sit up? Let’s at least try to control the bleeding.” 

“It’s no use.” You both know he’s right. Still, you’re not one to give up. You try to pull his arm but he winces, making you let go as you’ve accidentally touched a hot stove. You sigh, no choice but to sit in silence again.

It’s kind of odd how the King of Spades didn’t reach you behind the cars. The gunshots seem to have gone further away. Perhaps most players have decided to end the King of Spades now with Shibuya as his first and final arena. You thought about Banda and Yaba, were they in Shibuya too?

A cough pushes you out of your thoughts. You turn your head to your right and once again, your blood boils when your eyes meet Niragi’s who was barely leaning in front of a car. Sometimes, you really hate Arisu’s moral compass. He should’ve left Niragi for dead in the middle of the street for him to be shot dead and sure.

“What?” You spat. 

He doesn’t even have the energy to answer. His face was all bloodied, having been beaten up. His burns haven’t been healing properly and he was shot twice by you and Arisu. He was in a more critical stage than Chishiya. You hope that he'll die soon. 

Well, maybe not. 

“Don’t die,” you tell the deranged man. 

The corner of his blooded mouth curls up in the tiniest bit and you continue with a soulless voice. “Don’t die and let’s go back to the real world. When we’re back, just wait. I’ll find you and make you suffer so that you’ll wish you never lived and died here. I can atone for my sins in hell but you… I won’t let you. I want to be the one to punish you.” 

You know a million thoughts are running through his head. He may be wanting to curse you or taunt you, or in the slightest of chance, regret all of what he’s done here. It doesn’t matter anyway. He was too injured to move his mouth.

You turn your back to him and face Chishiya again. He was staring at you with amused eyes, probably shocked at your cruel words for his enemy. 

“What? I promised.” You defend yourself. “To protect you.”

“Why?” 

“You know why,” you argue, brows furrowing.

If Chishiya isn’t answering because of his injury or simply because he didn’t have anything to say, you weren’t sure. You do know, however, that there is one thing weighing on your mind. There was no time to ask but now.

You open your mouth to speak and close it again, hesitating a little before finally speaking. 

“Why didn’t you come back?” Your voice cracked. “I waited for you and watched the blimp crash. You didn’t come back.” 

He stays silent for a moment, not even staring at you. His face looks troubled. It almost looks like he’s on the verge of crying. You’ve never seen him look like this. What exactly happened in his game?

“I—“ He finally answers, stuttering as if he’s unsure. “I don’t know.” 

“You told me you will,” you bark. Were you angry? Maybe a little. Nobody wanted what happened to him to happen. It wasn’t his fault. Yet, you couldn’t not feel angry. If he just came back to you, would this have happened? 

Sometimes, you wish you could get inside Chishiya’s mind just once. Just so you could be sure of what he thinks of you—of where you stand in his life. 

“I know.” He chuckled bitterly. “And you told me you wanted to face the King of Spades.” 

“Then I guess our words never really meant anything to each other.” 

“So? Are you really going to stay here until they clear all the games?” 

“Yes.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“How is this ridiculous, Chishiya? You know how much I—“

“I know,” he pauses. “I know.” 

“Why won’t you let me tell you that I lo—“

“Not here. Not now.”

“What if we never get the chance again? Say I do go out there and join them? What if I die?”

“Walk it off. Win the game and crawl. Then say it.” He presses on every word harshly. You frown, upset that he was pushing you away this way. 

What now? He really wants you to leave him, huh?

“Listen, Y/N. I’m okay. I won’t be able to join the last game but I can stay here and be alive until it’s been cleared. You can go. I’ll wait for you here.”

You close your eyes, sighing as you rest your elbows on your folded knees. You place your head on your hands, frustrated. 

Of course, you wanted to help Arisu and the others. You weren’t selfish. You wanted to help with the King of Spades. But Chishiya is always your dealbreaker. He’s always the priority for you. 

The sooner the King of Spades is cleared, the sooner the Queen of Hearts could be entered. If you go now, maybe you can still find and help Arisu and Usagi. You sigh. It’s been a while since they left and the sound of gunshots and crashes has dwindled into a few now. Where will you find them?

“Shuntarou.” 

Your tone was serious, venom dripping from your voice. Your head was still on your hands, covering your face. 

“If I don’t make it—if I don’t make my way back to you, you’ll go back to the real world and try. Live better. I don’t know how you’ll do it.” As you ask the question, you turn your face to him. “Just try, okay?” 

You don’t wait for him to answer, taking his face in your hands and smashing your lips against his. He kisses back almost immediately, taking a hand and placing it over your hair. 

You pull away earlier than you wanted to, still holding his face. His eyes softened, half-lidded as they realize what was happening even if he was the one that pushed it. 

“I’m gonna go.”

You rise to your feet, crouching. As you turn to leave, Chishiya’s hand tugs your hand back to him. Your eyes widened as your lips met his once again. This time, it was softer and moist, and you realize that it was because tears began falling from your eyes and had saltied your kisses. The softness of his kiss contradicted the harsh truth of the situation while the intensity of it matched it quite perfectly.  His insistent mouth was parting your lips, palm now back at the back of your head, pressing you further to his face. He groaned softly, low in his throat and you felt it against your mouth. You chuckle against his lips, finding the irony in the situation. 

“I promise,” he says when you two finally part. 

Determined, you gave him a smile and a nod. 

“Go.” His voice was hoarse from both his injuries and the kiss. 

Then you turn around again, taking one last glance at your man before running off in the direction of where the King of Spades went. 

Ruins welcomed you as you walked further, finally putting a visual to the people you heard were being shot as you hid with Chishiya. Against your will, you take a look at each and one of them, crouching and hiding once in a while and hoping that one of them wasn’t people you know. 

You hear multiple gunshots from what looked like it came from an alley. Hastily, you run in that direction. 

As you get nearer, you hear the familiar voices. However, they weren’t speaking, they were screaming in agony. 

You readied your gun, cocking it, and stealthily walked into the alley. Usagi was shouting in pain. Kuina too. You walk faster, the lightest you could possibly go knowing that the King of Spades may know you’re coming. 

You lean on the wall as you reach a turning point, slowly peeking further into the alley where you’re sure that’s where they are. 

It was An you see first.

Her unmoving body sprawled out on the floor, her white shirt covered with blood. Next to her, was a crying Kuina, bleeding from what looked like multiple stab wounds. 

Usagi was on the King of Spades’ back, trying her best to choke him but he brought out a knife, plunging it into her knees multiple times. They were moving too often and you cursed to yourself because you were not a great shot. 

It was Usagi’s screams of pain that put you in overwhelming urgency. You take a deep breath, aim, and shoot.

Bang!

You press the trigger at the same time as the King of Spades throws Usagi from his back and onto the ground. You keep on shooting, revealing yourself from your hiding place at the edge of the alley and marching to him. 

The bullets hit and some don’t, having been avoided by the skilled man. A veteran. Or maybe someone like Aguni. You can see his face unlike before and there were no longer multiple pieces of armor adorning his body. 

He heads on straight to you and before he reaches you, you throw the gun far behind him. He only has a knife and you can’t risk him having a gun. It has to be this way for you to beat him. 

You hear Kuina or Usagi mumbling your name as they realize that you were here.

Your opponent lunges at you with his blade and you run to tackle him, putting both your fists forward. As he swings his fist holding the knife, you misdirect him with what supposedly looked like a tackle and swiftly shift to the right and smack his face with your right fist while holding his left arm with your left. The impact makes him stumble to his right and you jump, kicking his waist with both feet to make him lose his balance entirely.

He didn’t. It didn’t work.

He stayed standing on the ground like a statue, putting all his weight on his feet. This made you clench your legs to his body to steady your hold on the arm with the knife. 

He uses the opportunity to grab your leg and keep it there. You repeatedly slam his head with your fists while he, like a bull, runs and slams your back to the nearest wall. You grunt in pain, your other leg that he wasn’t holding falling and you use that leg’s foot and slam it against the wall so you won’t be pressed further. 

You put all your strength into preventing him from using the blade and take the pressure of you against the wall to steady yourself. You smash your fist on his eyes repeatedly and repeatedly until his head is thrown back. 

He growls. The hold that was on your leg tightens enough to hurt the muscle and you scream in pain while still slamming your fists into his face. The pressure of his hold was enough for him to lift you again and then throw your body on the ground. 

You were quick to go back on your feet and he was already lunging at you but you spin, unsheathing the Katana on your back and pointing it at him. You put yourself in the traditional Kendo stance with both your hands on the grip, left foot behind the right, and hips straightforward. 

This makes him step back enough but still hold the knife in his hands with conviction, ready to attack or counter at any given moment. 

To be honest, you’re never very well versed in playing around with swords but… you’ve been carrying it around all this time, won’t it be a waste to not use it?

You attack first, swinging the sword which he blocks with his small blade. You swing to the other side and he blocks that again. 

You back away again and thrust forward which he avoids by jumping to his right. He rushes with his knife and knowing you can’t block it with your long blade, you bend backward and go under his arm. Successfully, you avoid his attack then spin and turn to face him again, slashing your sword onto his back, creating a huge gash on his shirt, his bulletproof vest, and his skin. 

Your eyes are wide as blood drips from your blade. 

Wow, these things are really sharp, you think. 

You attack again as he turns around, swinging the blade again and he backs away to the wall to avoid it. 

You expected him to dodge but he didn’t. What he did catches you off guard as he quite literally holds the blade of your sword in hand and not minding as the skin on his palm is sliced open. Brows furrowed and eyes blazed, he holds the sword in place and then uses the blade in his other hand to stab you in the stomach.

The blade pierces your skin in one swift motion and your jaw drops, not even having the chance to scream in pain. He stabs you again. And again. And again. Harder and deeper at every thrust.

You grip the hand with the knife, pushing all your strength into both hands. He was so strong that you could barely keep his hand away from your stomach. You wanted to slam his hand on the wall but he was far too strong like a rock. 

Tears well up in your eyes. You still have to go back to Chishiya. 

But this was starting to look like a losing game. 

From your peripheral, you see Aguni crawling in the direction of where you threw your gun. So he was still alive. Even if you lose, he can win. And where was Arisu? You doubt he left Usagi alone.

And then it hits you.

They have a plan.

You scream and push with all your might, overpowering the King of Spades’ hand and slamming the knife against the wall. You slam your head from under his chin while repeatedly slamming his fist against the wall until his grip on the knife loosens.

However, him losing the blade causes his hand to be free from anything and he uses it to overpower you again, slamming his fist against your face in one big punch. His fist was heavy and his punch was nothing like you ever received before. It caused your head to throb and everything felt blurry for a few seconds.

You realized that you were thrown on the ground from the impact and your sword was no longer in your hand. Your vision was still a bit fuzzy as you see him holding the sword but then hear it hit the ground from far away. 

Seeing from your eyes opening and closing out of consciousness, his silhouette was picking something up and then he was on top of you. 

Why can’t you move? Everything feels so strange. Will you really lose this time? 

You felt a weight on your torso and a black figure hovering over you. He raises his fist, slamming it across your jaw. Fuck. Was that fucking personal? 

Your hand shoots up to stop the King of Spades’ other hand from stabbing you again. You don’t know when you’ve reached for your hunting knife strapped to your leg but you somehow did and plunged it right into his side and drew it back.

His free hand that punched you gripped your hand hard, slamming it on the cemented ground. You grunt, tears forming in your eyes as you try and get out of his hold or under him. 

You push yourself up as he keeps on pressing you down to the ground. You wrap your legs around him and scream with all your might to turn yourself, putting all your weight on him and turning him over. 

His wounded back slams on the ground and you stare at his deadly eyes, seeing the hatred and the urge to kill in his eyes. It scared you, to be honest. You’ve encountered lots of fighters. Strong, weak, arrogant, psychopaths, assholes, whatever they are, they always got a reason to fight no matter how pathetic it may be. 

This man right here, he has a reason too. And from the looks of it, it’s not because he simply wants to win the game. There has to be something like a personal agenda. That made him a lot scarier. 

You’re not stupid. You know you’re not a match for this man.

But if by wounding him a little, you’re helping the others, then you’ll gladly give your life. You just have to go back to Chishiya after. 

Maybe Banda was right after all.

Your eyes catch Aguni who was getting near the gun. You sigh and when you look back down, the King of Spades slams his forehead against yours, knocking you back distracted and he plunges his knife again into you multiple times, blood spurting out of your mouth as he does so.

You could no longer move, the force of the blade wrecking you back and forth, making you fall back on the ground with wide eyes. You even hear Usagi crying for you.

The King of Spades doesn’t stop assaulting you when you fall on the ground because you don’t stop fighting back. You scream and scream, kicking him repeatedly however you can. He pulls one of your legs and stabs the knife in your thigh, specifically where your previous gun wound is. This made you stop fighting, wailing in pain but you catch yourself quickly, stabbing the knife in your hand on his foot and on his leg. He kicks your knife out of your hand and steps on your palm. You scream as you hear and feel your bones break. He doesn’t stop, kicking your stomach and letting your bleeding out pace faster. 

Eventually, you become unresponsive to his hits, having everything feel numb that you can’t move. Your hand was broken, there were about ten stab wounds on your body, and your leg was wrecked. 

You didn’t realize you ended up beside Usagi who was holding out her hand to you while barely conscious. 

You hear two gunshots and you don’t even know if that is Aguni or the King of Spades. 

You were crying, face wet with blood, sweat, and tears. You have to get back to him. You have to tell him. 

“Usagi… help me. Chishiya,” you plead with a hoarse voice. “H-have to go back.” 

And then everything turned black.

Arisu screams Usagi’s name as she falls on the ground with you, her injured legs and the weight of you was too much to support. Usagi could no longer scream for the pain and you were completely out of it. 

You were crying, face wet with tears. The sight was breaking Arisu’s heart. The two girls who saved him when he was dying inside himself—those two girls who always seemed strong, who always saved him, he was watching as you both crumbled on the ground, beaten up, and weakened. 

He picked up Usagi first, seeing as she was the one still conscious or at least in the right mind to talk to him. He cradled her face in his hands, tapping it as she was being pulled and pushed from consciousness.

“Arisu…” It was barely a whisper, slipping past her dry lips. She calls for him, forehead scrunched as she tries to tell him something more but her body fails her. Arisu could only make out your name. 

He looks over at you, sprawled out on the ground and bleeding from multiple stab wounds on your body. You were hysteric and sobbing, trying to crawl the ground and away from them as he heard that the registration for the Queen of Hearts game was starting. It was obvious what you were trying to do. 

He doesn’t know whether to pity or admire your love for Chishiya. 

Helping Usagi up, he let her stand on her own for a few seconds before reaching over to you and picking you up, hooking your arm over his shoulders and his hands on your back and under your thighs. 

You groaned in pain at Arisu’s sudden hold, tears pouring down your face as Arisu’s shirt is soaked with your blood. Once he stabled his footing, he let Usagi hold his arm for guidance as she struggled to walk with her injured knees. 

The two of them walk in the direction of the Queen of Hearts game with you in his arms. Thankfully, Chishiya was on the way to the game. 

It was like a death march. Arisu seemed to be the only man standing to enter the game. If it was up to him, he’d rather join the game alone. But from the determination on Usagi’s face, it seemed that she wouldn’t have that at all.

He only wished that no one has to die any more after the last game. He wishes to finish the game as fast as possible, hoping that he could save everyone who tried their best so far and are still trying to keep alive. You, Aguni, Kuina, Chishiya, An, Heiya, and everyone who was still breathing here in Tokyo. No one should die anymore. 

“Shun…” It doesn’t even seem like you were still conscious anymore. He doesn’t know if you know he’s carrying you to him. It’s like you’re only dreaming of him. 

“It’s okay, we’re near Chishiya. Hang on, Y/N. Just hang on.” Arisu assures you but as he says this, your eyes finally shut close and your body goes limp against his hold.

As that rusted car came into view, Usagi and Arisu went quiet, dreading the news that they were about to deliver to the white-haired man. 

They pass the trunk of the car, catching the attention of the injured man in the bloodied white jacket leaning on the car door. He turns his head, spotting Arisu first and then the person he was holding. There you are, eyes closed, beaten, and bloodied. 

The hand resting on his lap drops to his side and he tries his best to sit up straight. Usagi lets go of Arisu’s arm and lean on the car’s trunk. Arisu carefully placed your body next to his. 

Whatever Chishiya was feeling was incomprehensible as he stared at your color-drained face.

Arisu couldn’t even say anything to the man. He wanted to say sorry but what would that do? He wanted to tell him why he brought you here but he’s sure he already knows the answer. What he could do, however, is to finish the last game quickly. 

Chishiya didn’t even notice as Arisu and Usagi left, still looking at you, breathing slowly and watching as your chest would barely rise and fall. 

He always liked being right. It gave him a sense of security that he was doing things well. You were the only thing that never made him feel secure as you were always pushing yourself into danger. He knew from the moment he saw him that the King of Spades was far too strong for you. When he said to you that you were no match for the King of Spades, he wasn’t lying. 

And yet when he pushed you to fight the King of Spades, he also believed in you. 

He could only wish as the blimp crashed that you were still alive. 

And here you are, lying beside him… and he is so proud of you.

He never understood why you liked fighting. He didn’t understand what rush you were feeling from blood and sweat. But you’d never understand how his intelligence excited him either. He guesses that you two were both different and the same that way. 

Ever since he figured out that you went underground, he’d secretly sneak into every one of your fights. There were times when an opponent with an established name in the underground would come and challenge you. When those assholes of an audience would turn their back on you and bet against you even when they know what you’re capable of, he would still bet your name. Those were the only times in his life that he allowed himself to not be critical. 

You never lost once. 

He was kind of hoping that it’d happen one more time. But you did win. The King of Spades went down, didn’t they? But why does it feel like Chishiya lost instead?

“Focus.” Chishiya pushed the book you’ve pushed away in front of you. You glared at him and put down your phone.

He easily snatches the phone from the table and put it in his pocket. “Read,” he commands, eyeing the book the professor assigned for reading. 

“But it isn’t due next week,” you mumbled angrily as you leaned your head on your palm while looking down at the book’s pages. Chishiya hears this but ignores you, all too familiar with your whining.

You began reading as he wished but after five minutes of learning about anatomy, your brain starts flying away from you and your eyes start to get droopy. Your head starts getting heavy and soon starts slipping from your palm.

Chishiya sighs and without even looking up from his book, he uses the end of his pen to push your forehead up.

“Ahh,” you groan as he forbids you to fall asleep inside the library again. How could you not? It was very cozy, cold, and quiet.

“If you’re not going to study just go home.” 

He knows you don’t want to go home, finding nothing but an empty house there. You’ll definitely stay.

“But it’s boring.” You whine in a whisper. 

He sighs, still not looking at you. “Not my problem.”

This time, it was your turn to sigh. “Why do you even want to be a doctor? And don’t give me that to save lives bullshit, Shun. We both know you’re lying.” 

He shrugs. “Just because.” 

“Because?” You press further. 

He finally looks at you with a glare and repeats. “Just because.”

“Because your father was one?” You ask, tilting your head. 

It was the reason. There wasn’t a particular humane reason why. He just wanted to see what was so great about it—saving lives. He had more than enough intelligence to do it and it was the same thing his father devoted his life to, so why not?

“Do you not have a reason?” You ask again, this time more seriously. He doesn’t answer this time. 

You smiled, looking at your book now. “I think I’m too weak to be a doctor,” you admit, lips twitching. 

“I mean, I’m physically strong but mentally, I don’t think I have it. But you, I think you’ll be a great doctor, Shuntarou. You’ll save a lot of lives and help a lot of people.”

You used to have so much hope in him. You still do. But whatever slight confidence he had in himself that he’ll understand and care for people once he becomes a doctor, he lost it when he actually started to practice medicine. It wasn’t all about saving lives. It was a profession driven by greed and power. 

He thought that he could just ignore it. That if he just focused on his job, he won’t be included in their greed. It was pathetic of him to think that. 

A man like him who came from his father and followed his father will eventually become his father. 

Ever since realizing that, he didn’t have the guts to face you. Still, you kept on cheering him on, believing he was purely saving lives. You kept on visiting him in the hospital and gave him gifts. You didn’t know he basically killed Hayato and many more people. 

It was just the way it worked for him. To be honest, he envied you. You were living a double life but you were happy with that. You had a breather. He didn’t. 

If you married him, you’d be tied up to a man like your father and his father. You wouldn’t want to live like that. He didn’t want you to live like that. He used to say that you’d just be a burden to him but now he knows that he just wanted better for you.

He wasn’t enough for you. 

He was always afraid that one day, you’ll see how much of a pathetic man he is and pack your bags.

After the King of Diamonds game, he couldn’t escape the heavy feeling on his chest and the boggling of his mind. He didn’t feel well enough to see you. He had to figure out what it all meant. 

And so this happened.

“Chi…”

He wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating because he could barely hear it. But it did come from you. Even in your state, you were still mumbling his name. 

“Y/N?”

He called your name, desperate to hear your voice again. Don’t you have something to say to him? 

“I…” 

“Y/N.” His voice softened. You need to hear his voice to let you know he’s beside you. That way, you can tell him. 

Your face was pale and dried of both sweat and tears, dust and dirt all over it. Chishiya’s jaw clenched, turning his body to yours to face you. He held the gunshot in his chest as it ached when he moved again. 

“Shunta…” 

This time, you say it with a frown and a scrunched forehead, indicating that you were maybe getting a bit of consciousness. 

“I’m here.” 

Chishiya’s expression hardened, brows furrowing as he held your hand tightly. 

“I’m here,” he repeated. He felt a finger twitch against his hold. He held his breath, not blinking as he stared at your face. The few seconds that he was waiting felt a hell lot longer. 

And then you smiled. 

You smiled. 

You smiled and then your face relaxed.

The color drained out of Chishiya’s face as he realized what was happening—what he knows is happening but his mind, letting itself be controlled by emotions for the third time that day, was hoping for a different outcome. 

He hoped you weren’t just hallucinating before your last breath. 

“I…” It was coming from his mouth this time.

“I love you too.”

The skies turned dark and time was a concept that Chishiya lost track of. He was still holding your hand as they turned pale. 

He had his eyes on the Queen of Hearts blimp the whole time, silently wishing that Arisu and Usagi would win the game soon. He had all hopes for him. He knows that Arisu could make it. 

Congratulations.

All of the games have now been cleared. 

The first explosion of the blimp made him realize that he was not breathing well the whole time as if anticipating something. He let out a sigh of relief as the explosion was followed by another and another as fireworks scattered the sky. 

The whole of Tokyo is surrounded by fireworks and he stares at your face illuminated by them. It was done. What now? What makes the two of you?

All surviving players will be presented with two choices. Players must now decide whether to accept permanent residence in this country or decline it. Once again, players must now decide whether to accept permanent residency or decline it. 

What do you know… you do get a choice. 

His hand holding yours tightens. With his other hand, he pushes away the hair that got on your face, ignoring the searing pain from his wounds. 

“We’re gonna have to decline… I think.” 

You have to go back with him. And when you do, he promises to himself that he won’t let anyone hurt the two of you anymore. Not himself, not yourself, not your father nor his father. No one else. 

It will be just the two of you. 

The last thing he remembers is he was on his way to your date. It was the last thing he wanted to do that day. He’d rather work on some patient’s case. But it was his day off and he didn’t really have anything better to do other than work. 

He was walking along Shibuya when something that looked awfully like a meteor passed in the sky. Everyone looked up in awe until they realized that it was coming straight near. 

And then he woke up here on the hospital bed. 

The man beside him had burns all over his body. The side of his face was also burnt, Chishiya assumes as half of his face is also bandaged. He was throwing a coughing fit. 

“What do you want?” The man groans as Chishiya stares at him. 

“It looks to me like you’ve experienced a cardiac arrest,” Chishiya answers, vocalizing his opinion as a doctor. 

“What are you, a doctor?” The stranger asks. 

“Well, I did too.” He answers instead, not really wanting to tell the truth for some reason. The doctor did tell him that his heart stopped for a whole minute when he woke up so it wasn’t really a lie.

“What a coincidence.” 

“So we both almost died.” Chishiya raises both his brows before asking a question that relates to him as well. “You feel any different now?” 

The stranger sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I look a lot worse. What about you?” 

Chishiya takes his eyes away from the man. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, the choices I had to make. Pretty sure I’m gonna be turning my life around.”

With the way he lived his life, he felt like he shouldn’t be one of the people lying here on the hospital beds. There were people much better than him—people that deserved to survive more…people like you.

“Or something like that.” He continues. 

He was alone when the meteor hit. But he was on his way to meet you. He couldn’t help but wonder about you. Were you okay? Were you already in the area when the meteor hit? It was the first time in his life that he actually felt scared for you. He didn’t want you to be one of the casualties of the tragedy.

“You were a piece of shit too, huh? You fucked up?” 

He thought back to his life choices, the way he is as a doctor, as a son, and as a friend to you. He did fuck up. He forgot why he was doing all of these in the first place. Him being here alive, it felt like he was being given another chance. He wanted to be better. To himself and to you.

“I did.”

Niragi scoffs and sighs, halting the conversation and letting the room fall into silence again, only the light vibrating sound of the air conditioner being heard.

Chishiya asked for your name when the nurse came in. There was a lot in need of medical care but she clearly remembered your name. When he saw the familiarity in her eyes, Chishiya knew that there could only be two reasons and one certainty. 

The only certainty was you were definitely here and the reasons being one, your name was well known in the medical community in Japan, and two, you were in a critical condition. Doctors and Nurses at times of tragedies like this often have a hard time remembering their patients’ names unless they’re at the top of the list of people who need immediate help.

“Ms. Y/N L/N. Do you know her?” 

“Yes.” 

Chishiya pauses before continuing. 

“She’s my fiancée.”

The doctor agreed to let Chishiya leave the room but not before realizing who he was. On a wheelchair, Chishiya wheels himself to the ICU where he was told you are. 

He has only seen you a few days before but to him, it felt like there were missing pieces that he can’t seem to figure out. He had never craved to see you like this before. He had to see you. 

Chishiya pushed the wheel to turn with his palms, slowly walking the hallway of the hospital, and observing the other patients he was passing by. 

He stops by a man that catches his eye. His condition looked bad and seemed to be in a coma. He sighs, at least he was lucky with what he got.

Pushing his chair again, Chishiya realizes that one of the wheels is stuck. 

“Fuck,” Chishiya curses, looking down at the wheel while trying to lean his body towards the floor without opening his stitches.

“Something stuck. Here, let me help you.”

Dreadlocks come into Chishiya’s view first as she leans down and grabs something from under his chair. “There we go,” she mumbles and lifts her head, giving him a warm smile. 

Chishiya raises a brow, staring at the woman’s face. Her brows rise and her smile drops in return, slightly bewildered at his ungrateful expression. It wasn’t that he wasn’t thankful. It’s just that her face looked awfully familiar and he couldn’t quite think why. It’s unsettling how he feels this way since the tragedy. 

“Thank you.” He quickly drops his face back to a nonchalant one and thanks her. She rises to her feet, throwing what looked like a small piece of crumpled cardboard in the nearest trash can with ease. 

“Meteor too, huh?” She asks, scratching the back of her head. Chishiya nodded, looking at her from head to toe. It doesn’t seem like she’s in a bad condition seeing as she can still walk with her two feet.

“Yeah, it’s not that bad for me.” She quickly notices what Chishiya meant by his look. “Although they said my heart stopped for like a minute. I’m Kuina, by the way.” 

“Chishiya,” he introduces himself. “They told me my heart stopped too. So did the one I’m sharing my room with.” 

“Huh. That’s weird.” Kuina pursed her lips, crossing her arms. “So, ‘ya know anyone here?”

Chishiya nodded, a bit confused as to why he was keeping a conversation with a complete stranger yet he answers. “Yeah. I’m looking for my fiancée.” 

Kuina evidently pauses, a little shocked by the information. That could only mean that his fiancée is in critical condition if she’s on this floor. She nods and asks. “Do you need help? I can wheel you to them.”

Oddly enough, Chishiya lets her. His new acquaintance pushes his wheelchair slowly as he eyes the names on the doors of the single-bed ICUs. The hospital they were in was quite large and no doubt owned by your father. He’s quite surprised you weren’t transferred to a VIP one yet. Was your condition that bad? 

“Wait.” He stops Kuina as he sees that familiar name on the side of the sliding glass door. 

Y/N L/N

“She’s here.” 

He could see clearly from outside. You were there, on the bed enclosed by protective transparent curtains. A weirder feeling settles on his chest and then he finally feels it. He finally finds what he lost along the way—what he craved to feel again.

Care. Despair. Agony. He finally understands as a tear falls from his eye. 

He loves you.

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only in ao3 under the name vantantae. thank you.

[vxmpyree]

HELLO first if all I LOVE UR WRITING ... UR NIKTO FICS MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM INTO A PILLOW (/very pos)

ive never requested anything ever so im shy n gonna use anon teehee. ANYWAYS ik you said you write for pretty much anyone but i'm still gonna ask: do you write for keegan? if you do..... could i ask for a sick fic?🙏🙏 or any type of fluff rlly. with a male reader :3 (theres barely any for him 💔) THANK YOU FOR UR SERVICE IN THIS FANDOM BTW RAHHHH🫡🫡🫡💖💖‼️‼️‼️‼️

ofc!! i dont know much about cod ghosts so sorry for any errors. thisll be my first plot fic :)) ♡ not beta read,,

[im the devil - clams casino] [0.7k wc]

when keegan returns from deployment, he finds you ill, and not just with a bit of a sniffle and cough. no, he can hear how your lungs shudder with every breath and feel how your skin is hot to the touch.

being his husband isn’t an easy job. he’s always out for one reason or another. you’ll be at home watching a film together, only for his boss to call and say that they need his help. he’s too much of a workaholic and empath to say no, i’m busy. keegan is always worrying about you, always thinking about the slight pout of your lips when he comes out of his bedroom in uniform again. 

so, seeing you like this doesn’t do any good for his anxiety. 

“you’re burning up,” he mutters, pulling a thermometer out of your mouth. 

the curtains are drawn, letting in only traces of sunlight tinted by the lavender linen. more light would only give you a headache. 

he pulls off his gloves before reaching out to touch you, not wanting to touch you with the same cloth that clutches his rifle. his rough palms move to cup your cheeks, swollen from fever and sweat. you can hardly even keep your eyes open.

“did you eat today?”

he grumbles as you shake your head. you must’ve been too sick to get out of bed, only able to helplessly roll over and try to sleep through hunger pangs. at times like this, he wishes he hadn’t chosen an occupation of aiming sniper rifles and long months of waiting in bushes or on tall buildings. then, he’d be able to take care of you. 

“do you want to eat? we’ve got… hm… soup and crackers. or bread,” he presses.

you shake your head again. you don’t want to eat!

keegan sinks into the edge of the bed and furrows his brow, considering you. he has the air conditioner unit on for your feverish top half, and keeps the sheets over your shivering legs. he’s taken your temperature and wiped you down. he gave you some tylenol, which should’ve gone with a cold glass of water, but you gulped it down before he came back with something to drink.

something is missing. there’s more that he could do for you, but he just can’t put his finger on it. 

when he lifts his head to check on you, keegan finds that you’re already staring at him. he has to stifle a smile. you are what makes him feel at home-- your accepting stares, and the slight curl of your lips. it would’ve been impossible not to wish for something more when you’re so welcoming, so warm. 

you motion with one hand for him to come closer. for a moment, he wants to say no, that his face is still covered in grease and he’s clad in heavy armor. but what’s the use in saying no to a face like yours? before he can even start stripping himself of his gear first, he’s already slipping into the sheets.

there’s the low hum of the air conditioner unit and the occasional car rolling down your quiet street. everything seems so small when he’s here with you, tucked away from the world. all he can think of is the smell of your shampoo and the slow rise and fall of your chest.

"...did you just miss me?” he whispers.

you only smile and watch him silently, looking at the bump in his nose and cheeks starting to droop with age. he’s getting older and so are you. it feels like you two only just settled down. the years have slipped through his fingers like sand. maybe it’s time for him to retire. then, he could spend all the time with you in the world.

keegan leans closer to you, and wonders if he smells like gunpowder and sweat. but he waves his worries away in favor of gathering you in his arms. his palm rubs slow circles into your back, wrinkling your old t-shirt. 

you cough into his chest and furrow your fingers into the back of his heavy jacket. your hands claw helplessly like it’ll ameliorate the itch at the back of your throat or your heavy cough. if he could, he’d do away with this sick spell. he can do things most men can’t, from scaling towering buildings to gutting men, but he can’t fix his poor husband’s fever and runny nose.

he pats your back until you settle down, becoming jelly in his arms. 

will he be sick tomorrow? definitely, but he wouldn’t mind spending a day hidden away with his husband, even if the two of you can only lie in bed and kiss each other’s warm faces.

[writing-havoc]

could you do Tolya Yul-Bataar x fem!reader

you were going to gala, you felt bit nervous as you walks around and you bump to someone and it was Tolya, he hold your waist to be careful, you apologize, you two look each other, he asked to take you for walk, you two talk about his homeland, you really like to know him more *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

The Gala

♡ Summary: Tolya catches you before you fall at a gala, and offers to take you on a walk to calm your nerves. You find he's a rather interesting man.

♡ Pairing: Tolya Yul-Bataar x Fem!Reader (ambiguous, please read indented)

♡ Fandom: King of Scars, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): None

♡ WC: 2.1k

Hello!! Thank you for your request!

I wrote this one ambiguous on purpose. It could either be taken romantically or platonically. I personally think Tolya is aromantic due to a line he says in the KoS series, but I know other people don't take it that way. So feel free to take this however you wish <3

Hope you enjoy it and that you have a good day as well!!

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

To make a long story short, you feel incredibly grateful and attractive. Which is perfect to mask the sheer anxiety you feel.

King Nikolai was in attendance at this gala. And while you had no intention of meeting him, fate could have other plans for you.

It could send you tripping over your own silk gown and into him, his guards mistaking you for an assailant and killing you on the spot. You could make someone else bump into him, throwing the imported wine all over his first army garb. Hell, he could even choose to make conversation with you, to which you'd embarrass yourself by rambling about the intricacies of jewelry making and metalsmithing.

Saints, you need to calm down.

If you're not mistaken, there's a table around here with finger foods and drinks that could help.

The crowd, however, is incredibly unforgiving. People remain where they stand, almost as if they're completely unaware you're trying to make it last them. You put hands on shoulders and backs, apologize when you have to tilt your body to squeeze between groups of people, and all you get are glares and judgemental up-and-down looks.

People really need to be kinder, more considerate. They're not the only people that exist in this room. How are the servers supposed to go around and serve the alcohol? What if there was an emergency? Is it really that hard to consider moving one step to the left?

Your annoyance makes you distracted. You step on someone's shoe, throwing you completely off balance and sending you falling to the floor.

The only thing that could make this more humiliating is falling into someone. Which you do.

You feel yourself flush, embarrassment rushing through your brain as you try and correct yourself.

"Oh saints, please forgive me!" It takes a moment to realize just how big the man who caught you was. His arms are rather large, but he's also just plain tall. He easily stands a good couple centimeters above every person in this room. "I really have to be more careful."

You realize now he's one of the Kings guards, but its more or less irrelevant seeing as he's so far away from said King. The stoic look on his face cracks a little, a small smile forming on his angled face.

"It's alright, It's only right I apologize as well. Forgive me for bumping into you." He slips his arm away from your waist once you get yourself balanced within your heels. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

You fix the gloves around your wrists. "Oh, no. Not at all. For as big as you are you're incredibly gentle."

"That's good to hear."

It takes you a moment to realize the words that slipped past your tongue. Mortification pummels through your system.

"I didnt mean- im so sorry once again. That wasnt the best choice of words."

This is just so wrong. This isn't how anything was supposed to go. And now you feel so hot, face even prickling at the increase in your internal temperature. The man eyes you, squinting when you begin to fan yourself.

"Truly, I dont take offense. Would you like to go on a walk? Its much cooler outside."

It's definitely not a smart to follow a man you just met to a secondary location. But with the way he's dressed, and the way he carries himself, he isn't all that threatening. The Soldat Sol tattoo on his arms also does well to quell any lasting fears.

"That would be lovely, thank you."

He walks through the crowd with you trailing very close behind. People part to make room for him, and make a look of disdain when they see you trailing behind like a duckling.

But the moment that fresh cool evening air reaches your skin, it feels worth it. Like you can breathe.

You allow yourself to walk to the edge of the wrap around patio that surrounds this whole place. The garden has plants beginning to close, no longer needing to open their petals now that the sun is setting.

The flowers are red, and butterflies are making their last rounds to the buds that are still open.

"There's a flower, in Shu Han, that looks similar to this." He takes a step off the porch and approaches the flower.

He's incredibly gentle, fingertips barely grazing the petals and slotting the stem between his fingers. He encourages it up towards his face as he bends down to smell it, a smile adorning this face.

"What's it called?" You ask, picking up your dress and stepping down to join him.

"The one in Shu Han is called Datura Meloxia. It's incredibly poisonous. This one... I'm not sure."

You hook a finger around one of the stems, bringing it toward you.

It seems tropical, which is strange given that summers aren't all that hot here and Ravka has a winter season. The stigma reaches far out beyond the confines of the petals, and almost seems to have a cloud of surrounding the end.

"Do you know a lot about Shu Han?" You ask.

He let's out a chortle. "I should hope so. It's where I grew up."

"Listen, people are everywhere these days. I didn't want to assume you knew everything about there just because you look like you're from there."

"Thats very open minded of you."

You shrug. "Doesnt do us any good to be close minded, does it?"

He let's go of the flower, putting his hands back behind his back. "No. It doesn't."

The air feels a bit tense, weighing on your shoulders. The way he keeps his eyes trained on the flowers makes you feel as if you may have made him uncomfortable.

"Do you know anything about Shu Han you specifically enjoy?"

If there's anything you know about people, is that broad questions are usually the way to go. From there they can get as specific as they want or stay broad.

"Poetry." He says, going specific. "Epic Poetry, specifically. There's quite a few poems from both Ravka and Shu that are quite interesting."

That, ironically, piques your interest. "Like what?"

And it's like you opened up a dam, water spilling out in the form of languages you don't understand but find incredibly alluring. He's like an encyclopedia, citing poems that date back hundreds of years and reciting the lines as of he has the material right in front of him.

In a way you think he does. His eyes will get glossy and it's almost like he's turning the page when he talks with his hands, staring far into the distance at something you can only hope to see.

He does his best to translate the text, but you can tell it pains him that there isn't a direct translation that will allow you to appreciate the beauty of the poem.

But he does his best all the same, and you give as much encouragement as possible, smiling wide when he says something particularly grand. He even cites romance every once in a while, and you feel yourself cataloging the lines to digest later.

Because it really was interesting. You've thought about poetry maybe three, four times in your entire life when your mom brought home a book filled with them for her entertainment. But never did you think it could be this interesting.

Or maybe it's just because he makes it interesting, adding bits of history from both Ravka and Shu Han when he can.

It's also nice to see his face light up just a smidgen when you express your own knowledge, telling him you do actually know about that piece of history and jump into your own session of info dumping.

But as all good things do, they come to an end.

He's in the middle of explaining a poem from liturgical Ravkan (who /knows/ that?) when he becomes distracted.

"Everything alright?" You ask, raising on your toes but staying off the side as you try and capture his attention again.

"I'm fine, yes. However, it's time for us to part ways."

When he looks at you, you swear you see his lips turn down just a bit.

"Ah." You don't bother to hide your sadness. "That's alright. Would you like to pick this up a different day?"

He hums. "Only if you live near the Palace."

"Actually, I do." That gets his attention again. "I work at this little shop in the city just outside the gates in Os Alta in the market area. Its-"

"The bookbinding shop." He interrupts. "I remember now. I see you almost everytime I walk by there with the King."

You smile, wide and feeling better than before. "Yeah. We make journals and restore books."

He's silent for a moment, eyes flickering back and forth between you and whatever has his attention.

When his eyes settle on you, he's kind. Which isn't saying a lot since during this entire interaction he has been nothing but, but still. He's kind. "When I have a moment to spare, I will visit you again."

You clap your hands together, then hold your hand out for him to take. "Ill see you then."

His rough and warm hand shakes your own. And with a nod, he's gone.

You watch him leave, walking briskly past hoards of people who part for him like he's dangerous or purposefully bump into him.

Once he's out of eyesight, you allow yourself to calm your heart.

It's mostly leftover anxiety from before he caught you. When you look at the shadows on the ground you realize you and him hadn't actually talked for that long. You just don't want to make a lasting horrible impression on anyone, and you hope you didn't make him feel awkward talking with you.

But, you think he enjoyed it. He relaxed a little while talking to you, yet still kept to his duty as the Kings guard and never looked away from the mansion.

You feel satisfied.

"Hello there."

A woman's voice gets your attention. She looks similar to Tolya, and you remember she's also a part of the Kings personal guard. Perhaps they're taking turns? That would make sense.

"Hello. How are you?" You ask.

"Splendid. My names Tamar." She wraps an arm around your shoulder, which you immediately grab to steady yourself. "Im Tolya's older sister. I just wanted to take a look at the girl thats got my brother in such a good mood."

You perk up immediately. "Oh, how lovely! Tolya mentioned you a few times while he was talking about poetry."

Immediately she groans, which gets a giggle out of you. "I beg your forgiveness. Once he starts you have to kind of yell at him to get him to stop."

"Oh, don't apologize!" You slip out of her grasp, folding your hands neatly in front of you. "I quite enjoyed our talk. I never knew how much history could be stored in something as simple as a poem."

Her eyebrows nearly shoot into her hair, a look almost like incredulousness passes over her face. She snorts.

"You may just be the only person who can handle that."

That, you have to admit, makes you happy.

"What else are you interested in?"

Tamar was a little harder to talk to for the rest of the night. She's not as straight forward as her brother, but you can find the little similarities that make her feel almost familiar.

Once you have to part ways, the King possibly getting what he came here for, you waved goodbye to Tamar, and began to head to your carriage yourself.

Tonight was remarkably eventful. And as you watch Tolya and Tamar head off into the distance with their King in tow, you hoped that every once in a while they would stop by.

If only to get to know them more.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell @venomsvl @milkshake0

[qiangweirosa]

I don't share a lot of fandoms with you, but i do like your writing so I’m going through your fics like a middle aged dad being introduced to his child’s blorbos. I wouldn't be opposed to reading some x readers from you if you wanted to entertain my request in the future, but i also won't push you to write sth you don't want to. If you don't want to do that, then could i humbly ask for some Chie x Yukiko? I love them sm i just want the girlies to get to be silly together without any murders in the background, they deserve that

-★🐶

routine

relationships: yukiko/chie tws: none wc: 617 (its a short drabble, my apologies) extra: ty for the request!! thats so sweet of you, im really glad you like my writing that much. i've never written for persona 4 before despite it being my favorite persona game, so i hope i did these two justice! not beta'd so there might be mistakes

Life in Inaba could be so boring.

It was always the same routine: wake up, go to school, sit through class, hang out around town and go back home. And Chie hated boring routines.

Sure, it wasn’t all that bad. She liked being with her friends at school, even though she sometimes wished Yosuke would never open his mouth again - still, she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed their company. Unfortunately, she didn’t enjoy it enough for boredom to spare her.

Chie kicked the ground with her shoe. Her hands played with her jacket, stuffed in its pockets as she aimlessly walked around town. She didn’t really know where she was heading - honestly, anywhere would’ve been better than doing nothing. She really hated doing nothing.

She had thought about texting Yu to come hang out, but he unfortunately bailed on her to hang out with another one of his countless friends - seriously, how many friends did he have? - so Chie was stuck on her own.

She walked for what seemed like an eternity; she had probably gone all through the town by now. Every now and then she spotted someone she knew, yet nobody seemed to be free enough to quell her boredom. When she finally stopped, she found herself in front of a building; raising her head, she recognized the Amagi Inn at first glance.

…Well, she had considered calling up Yukiko to hang out. She just wasn’t sure if she was working today and didn’t want to bother.

But Yukiko wouldn’t mind if she showed up, right? Of course not!

And with that assurance in mind, Chie walked up to the door and rang the bell. The door was soon opened by one of the Inn’s houseworkers - her eyes lit up in recognition when she saw Chie, and she quickly ushered her in.

Chie was left in the entrance as the house worker rushed to get Yukiko. She awkwardly looked around, waiting patiently - as patiently as Chie could. Still, Yukiko came speed walking soon enough, throwing her arms around Chie’s neck in a tackling hug. Chie stumbled from the sudden force and fell on the ground with a yelp, Yukiko still on top of her.

“Wha- Yukiko, you can’t just jump on me like that!”

Her girlfriend laughed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I was so happy to see you here, I couldn’t stop myself!”

Chie blushed. She couldn’t possibly stay mad when Yukiko said stuff like that, especially with that huge smile on her face. She sighed in defeat, returning the hug until Yukiko decided to get back up.

Yukiko dusted off her clothes before looking back at Chie - her casual clothes, by the way. So she wasn’t working today. She smiled; Chie smiled back, the reaction coming naturally.

“What brings you here today?”

Chie shrugged, her gaze wandering around as she danced on one foot.

“Oh, not much, really… I was bored, and, uh, I guess I just ended up walking here instinctively? What I mean to say is- I wanted to see you.”

She mumbled the last part, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment. Hearing Yukiko giggle only heightened her blush, and she looked away, trying to hide her face from the girl who was currently definitely laughing at “how cute she was”.

“Oh Chie, you’re so cute!”

Knew it.

“Stop it, don’t say that…”

She heard more giggles, before Yukiko approached her and grabbed her arm, effectively pulling her after her.

“Come on, let’s do something together then.”

Yeah, Chie hated the routine that came with living in Inaba. But hanging out with Yukiko could never end up as a routine to her; she always appreciated every moment spent in her company.

[sirenemale]

WARRIOR CATSSSSSSSSS LETS GOOOOOOOOO ❓️💢

I was hoping someone would ask for theseee YAY

❓️ : fav total background character (im not talking minor characters like say. whitewing or moonlight, i mean cats with like...3 lines tops)

This is sooo hard actually. I think most of mine still fall into minor adjacent cause they get some focus and lines. But I've always really liked Ashfoot, literally one of the only wc map parts I've made was about her. I always thought the windclan family dynamic of her being related to onestar was really fun. She just seems very together and competent and idk, I like that she and her husband were both deputies with a foot suffix.

I also always really liked breezepelt's kids, idk what they ever really got up to in canon but Smokehaze, brindlewing, appleshine and woodsong are such cute names. There's probably a lot to explore with how he'd approach parenting with how he grew up. I also think it's really cute that the older sisters ended up mentoring their younger siblings.

Also not super minor, but I guess semi-minor in terms of how often I see fan stuff for them. Pretty much every side or minor character in Graystripe's vow i really liked. Gremlin, Fury, all of warriorclan. Petunia especially, I think all of them you can draw some really fun parallels with first arc characters, I almost wish we'd gotten some kinda soft reset where we start following them instead of the kinda giant extended never ending conflict we have in the main clans. Fury is the antagonist obviously but I don't think she made any kinda impact on the fandom really, I just think she's fun. At the end when she's mostly defeated and bleeding out she crawls to the top of the high rocks in thunderclan camp and I was hoping soooo fucking bad she'd be deranged enough to just stand up there boasting until she died. Not what happened but it's what happened in my heart, not deep at all as a character I just liked that she got to be kinda crazy.

OTHER than thattt. I can only think of Red from Skyclan's destiny. There was a rogue camp and she had drama with her dad bc she had a boyfriend, then her dad Stick tries to kill that guy and she jumps in front first and dies and everyone regrets it lmao.

💢 : what scene made you the most irrationally angry upon first reading

The entirety of Squirrelflight's hope for 1. It was such a viscerally deeply upsetting book to me.

The scenes of Bramblestar demoting squirrelflight to children's tasks, not letting her leave the camp without telling him because she Challenged him, taking her autonomy away, guilt tripping her, telling her she's selfish for not wanting to kill pregnant woman who is going to leave in Less than a MONTH anyway. The whole book just made me feel crazy. It's crazy how uncharacteristically sadistic every character becomes JUST so squirrelflight can be made to look inconsiderate for Embarrassing her husband in public by telling him they can just Wait for them to leave. And it's worse because it does completely break her down, Bramblestar completely shatters her sense of confidence, her sense of safety and personality ALL for the book to treat it like it was two-sided, all for her to apologize to him for speaking up and then the book ends. I don't think warrior cats has ever written anything more vile than this genuinely.

I remember that scene where she brought one of the sisters, who was dying, into camp for Leafpool to treat. and bramblestar threatened leafpool, his sister-in law and their DOCTOR not to heal an outsider. when squirrelflight argues and protects leafpool, fights for sunrise, bramblestar asks Why are you doing this to me. Guilting her and forcing her to choose between saving a woman's life, protecting her sister, AND listening to him beyond all reason. Choosing anything else except him is Hurting him. That's the framing. And it's crazy bc this isn't normal for warrior cats either, again it's uncharacteristically sadistic, it goes against the code, and it's all so they could write this scene, so bramble could say that, So it would Hurt squirrelflight, and punish her narratively.

You'd think it's intentional writing but then you remember this is the last book he's meant to be Good, because the next arc he's possessed by ashfur and is meant to actually be abusive and possessive and terrifying, which he is. But it's just fucking mortifying that the writer's idea of Bramblestar at his best, at the point where everyone missed him, is this. That they consistently do believe their relationship is healthiest and most equal when she is completely submitting to him.

ANYWAY that;s not even the actual last scene that broke me irt actually reading warrior cats myself LMAO.

it was similar though it was the way they handled shadowsight in the broken code. Similar thing of a character who is being so outrageously abused, other characters around him are suddenly far more sadistic and cruel than they've been before just to further beat him down While also having it be narratively justified.

Anyway it's the scene where Shadowsight, mothwing (i think), lionblaze and willowshine are trying to access the dark forest or starclan to get bramble's spirit back. No one trusts shadowsight, they all literally hate him, especially Lionblaze. Shadowsight offers to go to the dark forest, knowing there's a good chance he'll die there. He does this because he's basically suicidal at this point, so wracked with guilt over unknowingly creating this situation and having everyone Blame him for it that he's like Let me make it right. Lionblaze refuses because he doesn't trust him, so Willowshine offers instead. Willow lies down and closes her eyes so she can dream herself into the dark forest and in one of the fucking rawest scenes they've had in a MINUTE she dies on the spot. Ashfur killed her spirit in the darkforest so fast that barely a minute after she closes her eyes her physical body DIES. Lionblaze immediatelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy blames shadowsight for this and is like it should have been you why did you let this happen. And at that point i was really like. if i keep reading this series I am Actually going to smash my head into a walllllllllll. I think I did finish the book a while later and idk.

It's hard knowing so much of this could be really hard hitting writing about abuse and complex situations. I think the meta of warriors is really interesting, the way the authors misogyny and absurd hate for abuse victims literally warps the world and character morals book by book. The way it literally gets worse as the books continue. I can't stomach reading it myself anymore LMAO. But I also have permanent brain worms for warriors so I still keep up with the character drama in the new books, there's stuff that's really interesting to me. Looking at curlfeather, frostpaw and splashtail's stuff. But yeah

[himbos-hotline]

Top 5 albums that you think changed your life forever (my favorite question to ask everyone)

I can tell that these are gonna be very sappy and very sentimental and I am gonna feel so many emotions about it.

1 The sound of music.

It was the first musical my nan took me too when I was four years old. I cried so hard that I nearly threw up and some random stranger brought me an ice cream. I remember skipping home singing do rai me. Its what got me into musicals, which then lead to me getting into singing and acting and that now is what I wanna do in life. I met wonderful friends because of musicals and I don't think I would be the person I am today if my nan didnt take to see it. The theatre she took me too is still around and I really should go to get tickets to see something.

2 Handwritten [delux version]

My big sibling sent me one of the songs [handwritten] when I think I was sixteen and honestly at the worse point in my life. I adored the song and the band and now its in every playlist I make. I refuse to skip the song whenever it plays. My big sibling has supported me through fandoms, gender crisis, nights where everything feels wrong, panic attacks. They were on the phone after my first doctors appointment coming out as trans, were on the phone when I tried on my binder for the first time. Every important moment in my life they've been there. I honestly wouldnt be here if they didnt exist. I would not be writing, I would not be making characters or drawing or doing anything I find love in. I wouldnt feel so comfident in myself.

@itsnoosetome I know we don't do emotions because ew gross, bad icky. But I honestly just wanna say thank you for being so supportive to me. I love you so much, you've helped shape me into the boy I am and im not scared of things to come because I know that you will always be there. I am so thankful that we met and I am so fucking happy that we're friends, im happy that were still writing together and you listen to my writing. I am so happy to call you my big sibling and I love you so much. You're such a good person and I just love you a lot.

*poke* there no more emotions heh.

3. The black parade

I was once an angry 14 year old who used loud music to block out the voices in my head [Look, DiD is a weird fucking thing] It would block out the shitty thoughts and sometimes I still lsiten through the songs and theyre nice to yell in the park or when im home alone and need to scream my emotions away. I think a lot of MCR's like lyrics and the way they write them leads itself to my flowery language I gues. I dont know I just feel like if I didnt fuck my ears forever I wouldnt be here writing stupid flowery sentences and using abstract concepts that I hope make sense.

4. Anything julie andrews

My great grandma had dementia and used to listen to her songs over and over again. I remember sitting with her about a week or two before she died singing along ot somewhere over the rainbow. The memory still hurts because I don't think she knew who I was. Sometimes I wish that I spent more time with her or at least remembered their voices. I miss her and my great grandpa and my uncle. Theres a lot of good painful memorys when I listen to her voice. My great grandma taught me to love the little parts of music and in this, is what also spurred me on to sing.

5. Anything from the simpsons and/or queen

My great uncle and I used to watch the simpsons together whenever my nan and I would visit. I remeber sitting surrounded by cats watching who shot mister burns. I still sit and listen to homers barbershop quartet and remember singing along at aged nine.

Queen is my grandpas favourite band. I grew up listening to their music and it shaped my music taste today. I remember being a little kid and telling my nan I wanted to be Freddy Mercury. I grew up listening to music and its such an important part of who I am both as a person and as a system.

______

WC: 2,128 words FIC: unnamed fic This ask motivated me to write 685 new words

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I’m laughing so hard I can’t wait to read this officially in reos version!! Omg wait is it time to play guess the wc again…haven’t done this since the first quarter of Karasu bfb….hmmmmmm

STOP these pics alone are giving Reo conversion moment….im convinced you just sprinkle some sort of magic character propaganda dust into ur writing atp

LMAOOO FR omg imagine kdrama nagi….40min eps weekly I would fr eat that shit up

NO FR JJK audios are always insane (Gojo taking over daddy’s home will forever be an insane phenomenon)

FRRRRRRRRR THE S2 HYPE IS SOO REAL I bet we’re gonna see a bit of Karasu in action first ep too!!!

Poor chigiri he deserves compensation for that fr….but LMAOO nah fr hollyhock otoya >> regular otoya jkjk we love goofy otoya too but he would SO say that (yet again proving Karasu supremacy…)

BROOOOOOOOOOO THIS SLAPS???????? Im crying yuki tweaking out the moment you started the sentence I already imagined him just like that like “NO we CANNOT this is literally the OPPOSITE of what we were paid to do???” Ok but wait….what if…..what if this was the long fic…..here we have a yotd bllk crossover they kidnap her and then they’re like welp guess we gotta run from our boss…yotd spinoff plot…ok but anyways maybe im just enamored by the fact that karasus got his own little crow SHEJSHSS

Im CRYJNG THE SONG yet another product of your crazy rizz…ok but is the song good though….

Also im crying WTF is that yuki face on the right LMAOOOOO I’m ngl angry yuki lowk kinda….but wtf is the one on the right I’m sorry it’s like Shidou possessed him

- Karasu anon

HAHAHA OMG ON THE TOPIC OF THE OAEU I LITERALLY FOUND THE EXACT VIDEO TO DESCRIBE THE UBERS DYNAMIC IN IT i’m crying…just need to finish sae’s version and then things are abt to go crazy fr (also barou looks so handsome in this video bro i need him)

i’m literally converting myself tbh 😭 reo is just so perfect nagi is lucky i make him outdo himself in this fic because normal fandom fanon nagi could never compare w peregrine reo (tbh canon nagi lowkey might not be able to either LMAOAOA only men that can beat peregrine reo are peregrine nagi and bfb karasu)

okay wait speaking of nagi and dramas i think it’s so funny that he apparently likes watching dramas?? i think at one point (maybe second selection w barou) isagi’s like “i could’ve watched two episodes of an anime in this time” and nagi’s like “yeah or one episode of a drama 😒☝🏻” HAHAHA bro plays fps games you’d think he’d be into heavy shounen guns and violence type of stuff but honestly besides his video games he kinda has very cutie pie chill interests 🥹 like even his favorite song i listened once and it’s so calm??? truly a man of many contradictions

YESSS KARASU FIRST EP ego’s def going to announce the top six so we’ll get tabieitaken and nagi (and rin + shidou but who gaf abt them) although i wouldn’t be surprised if the first ep starts off with a flashback of reo and kunigami losing to shidou since that game is what kinda builds the hype for shidou and sets him up to be more “villainous” than even karasu and otoya (who are the third selection antagonists) as well as setting him apart from the rest of the bllkers which foreshadows him going to the u20s

somebody save chigiri fr 😭🙏🏻 honestly i think it’s funny when you actually watch bllk or read the manga besides the haircare chigiri is actually one of the most boyish characters??? idk how to put it but especially in the anime he just gives such strong BOY energy tbh fanon chigiri is closer to bachira than anything 😩 but FR hollyhock otoya lowkey does gag regular otoya i’m afraid (but tbf hollyhock otoya would be so proud that regular otoya is the way he is FJSKDJS) and YESS karasu supremacy he truly has such “me and my girl don’t argue she tells me to shut up and i do” energy like that man would be so delighted that someone wants him he’s not questioning ANYTHING

HAHAHA FREE YUKIMIYA only one with an ounce of sense between the three of them…ofc otoya’s like “😨 baddie alert 🚨‼️” so HE’S not saying anything 😭 and karasu’s just a softie he can’t kill her when he realizes she’s like. younger than him. it’s not by a ton probably a couple of years or so but still he’s used to killing like corrupt people or people who have wronged their clients meanwhile reader is just a girl she literally knows nothing…like when he’s about to kill her she wakes up and immediately calls for ness (unfortunately there is a brief ness era in the beginning) and karasu feels soooo bad because she’s like terrified and plus he knows ness was deadass INVOLVED in the plot against her life 😭 karasu number one gentleman fr 🤩 not killing a girl because she offers her half-brother’s life in exchange: LAME (@ otoya) not killing a girl because she’s crying and tells you she’s scared: WHAT A MANNN MAYBE CHIVALRY ISN’T DEAD

i fear this was meant to be my long fic (i came up w the idea a WHILEE ago) but i was never satisfied with how it turned out + i was annoyed by the mc’s lack of agency (crow and cackle karasu >> hollyhock otoya BUT hollyhock y/n >>>>>>> crow and cackle y/n) when i tried writing it especially in the beginning so alas it will remain a fond memory for us all 😩🙏🏻 HAHA karasu’s pet crow is so cuteee though i think it’s so funny to imagine when karasu pulls up w reader yukimiya’s just like bro stop adopting random creatures 😒 BUT a mutual of mine inadvertently reminded of this crazy detailed outline for a pokémon au i have in my drafts so perhaps i will revisit that after the oaeu and see if there’s anything salvageable from it or if it’s another doomed plot (lowkey it’s sad asf though icl the angst is real)

hmm the song is pretty good!! i wouldn’t say it’s my favorite but it’s not bad by any means…unfortunately i just cannot listen without remembering our crazy memories (this is the guy who i only texted about demon slayer and specifically akaza…like i would just send him paragraphs about how hot i found akaza even though me and akaza were never locked in like that but i found it funny that it pissed him off SO BAD and at the time i didn’t know why 😭 then he asked me out and i was like ??? you’re not akaza ??? LMAOAOA jkjk i was much nicer abt it but truly it’s proof that nothing can stop a man when he’s determined to ask you out NOTHING)

i fear this may be the one thing we disagree on i think he looks so fine on the right 🙏🏻 idk he just looks kinda cocky and sassy which is more in line w his mc vs bm match self but i honestly like the splash of personality it gives him LSFJJSJS

[softstuffs]

If relationships like Onestar x Whitetail, Thornclaw x Blossomfal, Ferncloud x Dustpelt, stormtail x moonflower, and Pinestar x Leopardfoot ((and god knows what others im forgetting)) were one-off occurrances they wouldnt be so bad. But, especially after the Erin's piss poor writing/handling of the themes in Spottedleaf's heart, the decision to continue to write these kinds of relationships is UNQUESTIONABLY weird. The Erin's are no strangers to retcons. They had an unlimited amount of opprotunities to change Whitetail to a.) Not get together with Onestar b.) Not make her his apprentice or c.) Not have such a massive timeskip that we don't learn about Whitetail being Onestars apprentice and Onestar having the hots for her *in the same line* They could have done anything. The fact that they framed the relationship that way was a choice. I dont think the Erin's are trying, on purpose, to make Onestar's relalationship creepy. I don't think they are trying to make "Spottedleaf 2".

But I do think that this is reflective of the problem Wc's has had since the first series, these writers do not check their work and neither does their publishing company. Little mistakes like Greystripe claiming Mistyfoot and Stonefur as his own and Heavystep dying 3x over are funny but also exemplify this series biggest problem. Nobody on the team is paying attention to what theyre writing. Warrior Cats books seem to be written quickly and for series books they seem to be written 3 in advance. I assume this is the reason why the books are littered with so many errors and mistakes, the authors have tunnel vision and are writing the books to get to the conclusion as fast as possible without taking the time to really disect what theyre doing.

And just as the authors miss small mistakes like namedropping Mistlekit and never mentioning them again, they make big ones. I remember awhile ago an author responded to the criticism of Bramblestar being an abusive partner that she had literally no idea, and had always imagined him as being strong and noble. This is a very common theme in the Erins' response to criticism. They had no idea that Spottedleaf's heart sends the wrong message to groomed kids, they had no idea that the tribe cats were racist. They still have utterly no idea that Frecklewish going to the darkforest was wrong, and think that Onestar going to Starclan is right. They have no idea how sexist their writing is. They have no idea how abelist their writing is.

I think the writers are completely ignorant, to be honest. And honestly? After the way Vicky responded in her followup post on Spottedleaf's Heart? I dont think that they care. I dont think theyll change as long as fans still buy their books and their merch and promote their name. They dont seem to think it matters. The Erin's dont look at their biases and try to fix their writing because they dont think its important. They say they listen to criticism and change their actions but they dont. They never have. And if you are writing a book series for children, YOU CANT DO THAT!! Because kids are smart! And they will absorb the lessons you teach to them!! Can you imagine this criticism in another fandom?? How completely rancid it would be for just ONE of those kinds of plotlines to show up?? Were so desensitized to it! These books are in elementary school libraries!

As much as I love the worldbuilding of this series and its been a special interest of mine for a lot of years, i would never in my life recommend this book for children. The writers are just too irresponsible. They dont care at all.

[estrel]

Empty Bottles, Broken Time

15x19 coda | destiel | angst; apparently i can't stop thinking about dean praying to cas. wc: ~850

[READ ON AO3]

There was a lot to fix.

For a week after they’d left Chuck in the dirt, Dean couldn’t be bothered to actually make himself start.

Sam was around. He was more energetic than Dean was, at any rate, going from room to room collecting books, magical objects, food, whatever—whenever Dean looked, there was always something in his hands. And maybe it was because Sam had his hands full that Dean thought it was okay for his to be empty.

A lot felt empty these days.

His beer bottles, for one. They were always drained before Dean could realize where the alcohol had gone, before he could snap back and see that he’d been sitting in the same spot for hours, staring at nothing and thinking of less.

They’d gone on a few hunts, since Chuck. It was funny how freedom meant repetition, how the days melted together like a run on sentence. Dean didn’t know where one hunt ended and the other began—vampires became ghosts and witches and back again. He didn’t care. He couldn’t care.

Dean just wanted his family back.

He actually gets the idea from Sam.

Dean’s back in the kitchen one night, eyes half closed as he tries squinting through a migraine to retrieve another beer from the refrigerator, when he stops before he can walk through the doorway.

“I know you’re, uh, busy, buddy. I’m–I can’t even imagine,” Sam huffs out a breath of laughter.

Dean frowns down at the watch on his wrist, tilting it to get a better look at the time. He’d been sure it was past Sam’s usual bedtime, which was why he’d snuck out of his room in the first place. Dean thinks he can make out ‘2:30 am’ from the thin little hands, one of which ticks away much slower than the rate he thinks seconds actually pass.

He thinks maybe that it’s broken, which wouldn’t be surprising considering the amount of times it’s smashed into things on hunts. He sighs at the irony.

Time. Broken.

“I just…want you to know that you—you’ve always got a room here, Jack. And we…um. We miss you.”

Dean understands, then. Sam’s praying. His breath hitches and he backs away, beer forgotten, to hightail it back to his room.

By the time Dean presses his back to the inside of his door, his brain feels close to rupturing from how fast he had retreated out of there. Prayers were private, and hearing Sam talk to their kid like that was like a taking a blow to the head.

Even his sight had muddled black from the number it had done on his brain, but Dean’s vision does eventually clear, and the room comes into view. And then, for the first time in weeks, Dean sees it—he sees the disgusting mess of it, of all the bottles piled up, the clothes lying everywhere, the discarded trash thrown wherever he could find a place for it at the time.

He sucks in a breath, steeling himself for it, and pushes himself off of the door and towards the first pile.

After about an hour straight with no distractions, Dean’s room is half better. It was easier with tunes on, easier to find motivation in the lyrics of Thunderstruck, and for that hour Dean felt more like himself than he had since…well, since he was last himself. He couldn’t exactly remember when that was, but he figures it was a long time ago. Back when…

Dean takes a seat on his bed—which he had somehow managed to clear completely—and lets his fingers intertwine together on his lap.

The music had stopped playing a while ago. It was quiet now.

“I hope you can hear me,” Dean starts. He’s said those words before. He thinks this time won’t be like the last, that he’s not lucky enough for this to end with an embrace, with a sigh of relief.

“But if—if you can, ah, I want you to know something.”

He closes his eyes.

“I want you to know that the thing—what you thought you couldn’t have…you were wrong about that. Because Cas, you—” he stops, shakes his head a little to keep his voice steady for this. He needs to say it.

“You can have it. All you have to do is come back to me, like you always do, and you can have it. I…I promise I won’t screw this up this time. I’ll do better.

I’ll stop you from leaving whenever I say something wrong. I’ll—I’ll make sure you know, man. I’ll make sure you know how much I—how much you mean to me. Because this…” He unlaces his fingers to gesture a hand at the room.

”I can’t do this without you. Never could, never will. Not since you touched me in hell, when you saw me broken and put me back together again. Cas, it’s—it’s always been you. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before, I’m sorry it took this long. I hope you can forgive me, and," Dean grips his hand into a fist, "I hope my plan works.

‘Cause I’m getting you out of there, you son of a bitch. If it’s the last thing I do.”

-

tag list (ask to be added/removed) @castiels-a-lamp @jellydeans @writtenmemxries @cestladean @randomblabbling @fluffiestlou @dreamnovak @weird-dorky-little-d @depressivedemonnightmaredean @jackleslongcon @friedchickenangelwings @galaxycastiel @the-empty-destiel67-y-yo-a-ti @destielle @dickspeightjrs @on-a-bender @organicpurplepants @casbelieves @samuelswinchester @spacegirlstuff @seffersonjtarship @winchester-novak @professorerudite @squintingg @holmesemrys @imnotrevealingmyname @mishha @good-things-do-happen-dean @angxlsgrxce @casandeans @castielscrookedtrenchcoat @destiel-in-its-natural-habitat @gracelesschoice @superduckbatrebel @iheardyourprayer @top13zepptraxx @that-one-fandom-chick @scoobydean @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh @maxguevra @cursed-or-not @i-think-im-humanbut-cant-besure @fitinmypoems

[actualbird]

22?

eyyo anon :DDD

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

my organizational skills

are bad

they are bad.

they are very bad everywhere, and that includes in writing.

i primarily use googdrive and googdocs and at first glance, my fanfic folder looks aight. it’s color coded per fandom (archive downloads r works of mine downloaded the pdf for as a backup)

but once u go into the folder, it’s no man’s land. heres the tot folder, zoomed out VERY MUCH to see a glimpse

i have over 100+ docs in the tot folder and uh

this is cuz whenever i have Any Idea, i make first a preliminary doc for it. that prelim doc, if i develop it enough, eventually becomes the outline doc as well. for the actual fic, i create a new doc so i can have the outline doc and the actual fic doc open in different windows, split screen, as i write

but when fics get long, i have the tendency to split each chapter into a separate doc

and if u can see, some docs are blank. those are Actual Fic docs i made as a placeholder cuz i developed the outline doc but have yet to do the actual writing bit

additionally, INSIDE every outline doc is a mess. bcuz im an insane person who can only write w a detailed skeleton first, so my outline docs usually end up as half the wc of the actual finished fic. my outline for the shovel talk fic, for example, is 5k words long. and that doc isnt just arranged like CHAPTER 1, CHAPTER 2, noooo, it’s also arranged with subheaders that say “STUFF I WANT TO HAPPEN, USE THIS AT SOME POINT” and “DONT FORGET THESE THEMES” 

additionally additionally, i have a discord server that only has me in it and i use the channels just for keeping info. i have an entire channel just for dumping fic ideas that popped into my head, fic ideas that have only gone through 0.000005 development

the fic ideas in there span from just a paragraph of description or it’s just a link to a twt thread i did at some point, leaving me completely clueless as to where it goes

basically what ive done to myself is create endless labyrinths upon labyrinths of words. hilariously, this is the only way i know how to function JHVKJSHFVKJSHDFJ

thank u for the ask, anon :DDD

[writing-havoc]

im so glad u take request for inej! i had two scenarios in mind choose whatever you wish with the dialogues u see fit. truthfully i love your writing so i want u to not restrict yourself to my ideas and just write what flows in your mind 🥰

enemies to lovers/friends with the prompts ❝there are some things worse than death. would you like to see them?❞ and ❝i’ve seen what ‘bad’ looks like. you’re one of the good ones, trust me.❞

a scenario where inej and reader are doing a mission together ❝i got blood on my dress. i really like that dress.❞ and ❝i killed him but, now there’s a mess. ❞

Promise

♡ Summary: You find a way to be there for Inej after a job goes sideways

♡ Pairing: Inej Ghafa x reader

♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse

♡ Warning: Blood, Death, says the word cock once

♡ WC: 2.7k

Hi hi hi! Sorry this took a while. I had to go back and reread some of Inej's chapters to get a better feel for her character.

This turned out to be less so enemies to friends and more so annoyances to friends? I hope that's okay! I went along the lines of the first prompt you gave me <3

Please excuse and spelling or grammar errors.

Hope you like it <3

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

The sudden whistling of a Ravkan tune nearly sent Inej's soul hurtling into the arms of her saints. The pitch was nowhere near close to the actual song, the notes either too high or ridiculoudly low. She's surprised she even recognized it against the chaos.

"We're supposed to be watching silently," she hissed, eyes flickering to your figure, "not alerting them to our very position."

"Yeah but it's too quiet up here." You sigh, voice low compared to your brash tune. "Gives me the creeps."

She gritted her teeth. 'The creeps' her ass. That's the entire point. You have to watch and gather information and you can't do that if you're being loud and telling them they're being spied on. Being quiet is Inejs skill, and if that gives you the creeps then you ought to just leave now.

She tells you just as much, to which you respond with. "I'd rather not deal with Kaz" before whistling the tune again, only this time significantly quieter but just that much more inaccurate.

Inej reflects on her life to try and pinpoint the exact moment that she was sent barreling in this direction, doomed to die of annoyance by your bored hand. Every choice effects how you will lead your life, there must have been at least one that landed her here.

Maybe it's a test sent by her saints. If she can just tolerate you for a little longer without sewing your mouth physically shut, then that's a win on her part, a reassurance that she has a chance of taking her place among them by the time her death rolls around.

She begins counting, but it doesn't help as it only makes her more aware that the tune you're now humming is incredibly off beat.

The target she was searching for made himself known, skittering by the windows in almost a rush. He wasn't frantic, no, just a little jittery. He was probably high, now that she watches him wipe at his nose aggressively and click his jaw around. Makes this all the more easier.

"Be quiet. Do we need to go over the plan again?" She asks, well aware of how she sounds. But you just always seem to get under her skin.

You rolled your eyes. "No. I remember." The knife at your hip makes a dull and satisfying scrape sound as you take it out of his sheath. "I take the window you take the emergency roof exit."

"No, I take the window, you take the roof."

"That's what I said." Before she can say anything, you push off the edge of the roof with a force she would like to think is humanely impossible, and you send yourself to the roof. She hears only a singular pebble become displaced before your advancing in a low run to the door.

Why do you have to be like that?

Inej doesn't have a problem with you as a whole, per se. You just always somehow find a way to say exactly what she needs to hear to make her body start boiling. Getting the plan wrong is a serious threat to her safety and yours.

She knows you're joking. You would have asked for further clarification if you were really confused. You're no idiot. But still, why?

Settling herself just to the left of the window, she peeks around and starts cataloging.

The target is behind his desk, lanterns lit in pretty much every corner of the room that it's a wonder there's any shadows at all. The door to the hallway is wife open, and a bathroom directly across from where Inej is sitting is cracked faintly.

Her fingers feel along the bottom of the window. They're unlocked.

Stupid man.

She waits, listening harder than she probably ever has before, for the telling sound of a door opening. Faintly, she hears something unlock, and then rusty gears grind open for no more than a moment before they're shutting again.

The man behind the desk doesn't notice anything amiss, even though the emergency hatch had to have echoed inside the house, and just keeps pacing. He looks a little thin. His cheeks were beginning to sink in and his eyes had very dark bags underneath them. If he opened his mouth his teeth were probably one good tug away from coming out.

Inej waits three, four, five seconds, and then thrusts the window open. At that exact moment you bound in the room soundless, closing the door behind you.

The man is startled shirtless, a scream nearly escaping his throat until she runs up and clamps a hand over her mouth, dagger poking his throat.

"Not a sound." She hisses.

You draw the curtains to the windows, turning down a few of the lanterns to avoid shadows. A few of the windows have drop down blinds that you quickly make use of.

"Do you understand me?"

The man nods, very shaky.

She slowly removes her hand, but keeps the point of the knife directly touching his neck, right over his pulse point. His hands are out to his sides, his boney fingers decorated in rings fit over his knuckles but don't hold to the meat of them

"Wh-whatever you want. Take it. It's all yours. I-I won't tell a soul if you please just let me-" he whimpers as you come up behind him, your own knife dancing along his waist. His suit jacket is tailored for what his body once was, and his button down is puffy at the seam of his pants.

"Oh, we'll take. Don't you worry. But we want some answers as well."

His eyes widened at that, adams apple bobbing as he swallowed his own saliva. "Answers?"

"Your slaves." Inej growled. "Where do you keep them?"

That got him squirming. You moved out of the way, Inej walking forward forcing him into his own office chair. Every breath he exhaled felt like it clung to her skin, creating a layer of filth she'll never wash off. You stroll around the room, sifting through various documents and trinkets.

Kaz has you looking for something while Inej is here for matters a little more personal, but no less important to Kaz. She's thankful that he's as understanding as he is about this.

The man doesn't talk, just breathes heavily with a sort of fearful resignation behind his eyes. She grits her teeth, then pushes her knee into the meat of the man's inner thigh, next to his grossly hard cock. She refuses to touch it, and drives the point of her knee deeper and deeper until he squirms and yells with pain.

She reaches up, holding the man's shoulder down with one hand, driving her thumb into the space above his collarbone and between his shoulder and neck. He winces further, and yelps when her dagger makes a shallow cut across his cheek.

"There are some things worse than death." Her voice is deep and thick with anger. She releases her hold on his neck as she places the dagger back to his artery, and takes out another and holds it just barely against his pants. "Would you like to see them?"

Tears escape his eyes as he begins to cry. "Please. Please! I dont want to die!"

"And these girls and boys don't want to be sold to whoever has the most kruge." She pits just a fraction more pressure on his pants. And he grits his teeth, hands gripping the arms of his chair. "Where, are you keeping them?"

At that moment you find what you're looking for, making a small noise of triumph as you take something made of metal and something made of paper and stow them away.

You walk up to her, and whisper in just barely above the sound of a bees wing flap and say, "Might want to get the answer a little faster. I dont know for how much longer his guests will stay passed out."

When you pull away, there's a cheeky grin on your lips. She gives one back, keeping up the act.

As annoying as you can be, Inej trusts you and your judgement. If you say hurry up, then she ought to do just that.

"Times running out. Tell me the location, or several of your extremities will be taken with me as a prize."

As she says the words she's not sure if they're an empty threat or not.

It's a little scary how his eyes begin to widen, taking on a bit of a mad look. Something in him shifts entirely, and he begins talking with a conviction she hasn't seen in a long time.

"I do as Ghezen wills it, it is within my right under his hand that I satisfy him in whatever way possible. These people are lucky to be serving him, and I will not take away that gift from them!"

He reaches up, grabbing her arm. She goes to push against his neck harder, but not puncture. But, he follows the momentum, and drives the dagger right into his neck.

Shock takes over, as he sinks it just a bit further, and then rips it out. Blood shoots from his neck, spraying her clothes and making crimson freckles across your face.

Chaos ensues, several pairs of footsteps bounding up the hallway and banging on the door. The man grabs at his throat, tearing the hole wider till it pours out of his body in waves.

"Inej, we have to go." You tug at her, helping her as she stumbles for merely a moment before she kicks herself into gear.

She sprint out of the window, feeling as you tail behind her. The sound of wood breaking apart and spraying across the floor resonates in her ears, horrified gasps and shouting following after.

By the time she truly comes to and processes what happened, shes back at Slat, your eyes never leaving her until she drops out of eyesight.

--------

Death is a funny thing. Not actually, but it can become funny when you take into account how people did it.

She recalls stories of how people were killed whilst on the toilet, shit still in the bowl. That's kind of funny. There was this one about a merchant who slipped on the peel of a fruit and cracked his skull open. That's comical, and was something she's sure she's seen in children's stories without the death part. And there's another one about a man who was convinced he could swallow an entire live mouse, and choked on it as it tried to claw its way up his throat. That one's not as funny, but it does give her a disbelieving grin everytime it pops up.

This? Was not funny.

Inej has killed before, obviously, and everytime she does she gets that little voice in the back of her mind that tells her she's never going to take her place with her saints. That she'll never make her penance in time before it's time for her saints to make final judgement on her soul.

The little voice, of course, is always pushed down and away. It has placed its fear rightfully, and that knowledge becomes dangerous if dwelled on for too long.

Tonight? It was louder than ever.

She was used. She was seen as a weapon and used as one, a slaver using the blade in her own hand- no, using the hand that held her blade to slit his own throat.

The smell of blood is still caked to her clothes and skin, the feeling of his filthy breath still plaguing her body even after a thorough wash. She scrubbed her skin until it was angry and red and yet. Yet.

"Hey."

Inej looked behind her, and almost let out an exhausted sob when she saw it was you. She turned her body forward again, electing to ignore you.

She doesn't know why she's acting this way. It's unnecessary and is only going to create conflict but you're just so... you.

You make her want to leap at you and put her hands around your throat. You make her want to braid your hair because it's just so damn messy sometimes and pat down the lose strands with water and pins. You make her want to throw herself off the tallest bridge in Ketterdam and look up to see if you'll smile or follow.

You take a seat next to her, keeping at least a foot of distance. Surprisingly, you say nothing, and just wing your feet.

The smell of blood is strong on you as well. Your skin still has a slight red tint in a few places were the blood splatters had dried and couldn't be taken out off without vigorous scrubbing.

She wants to take a wet rag and wipe you down.

"How are you feeling right now?" You ask.

She takes in a deep breath, hating that you asked that instead of "are you okay?" because now she actually has to think. Has to find a way to put it all together into something that's fluid and measurable.

In the mean time, she hums, staring in front of her at the lights decorating the colorful city. The bell struck twelve not too long ago.

"I feel... conflicted."

You take a moment, and then lean forward. Your elbows touch your knees and you stare at her for answers.

"I made my peace with taking lives a long time ago. Often, it is a necessity. This time its..." She searches the horizon. "It wasnt. And now I dont know where those girls and boys are anymore than I did yesterday."

"He is not the only slaver in Ketterdam. He sure to have a list of suppliers and buyers within his office that could tell us where he keeps them." You lean back a bit, shifting to get a better look at her. "He was a very naïve man, I'm sure someone knows something."

"That's the dilemma. He deserved what came to him. But I didn't do it. And yet my hand was used to achieve his goal. It feels..."

Irredeemable. Like she can't make any sort of penance because she didn't commit the act, yet her hand is drenched in his blood.

She feels a soft poke in her arm, and she turns to you to see the barest of smiles on your cheeks. "I don't know if it's what you need to hear. But I've seen what 'bad' looks like. You're one of the good ones, trust me. Not everyone would have courage to do exactly what it is that you're doing now. Bad people dont care the way that you do."

Courage. What she lacks is not courage but the mental tools required for this.

She was entirely unprepared for his reasoning and the devotion that which he showed. How he fully believed he was giving the kids the ultimate gift.

It's sickening. Truly.

Yet, she cannot help but be a little comforted by your words. Your past is no prettier than anyone's in The Dregs. There's enough bad to go around for three lifetimes and still have some left over.

She wants to give her thanks. She reaches out and touches her pinky to yours.

You truly thought that she was only doing good, and it's hard to think otherwise when you look at her the way you do.

"You will get them all, Inej Ghafa, and I hope to be there the day that this world is rid of a certain kind of evil and can breathe a little bit easier." You curl your pinky around hers, and she does the same.

"I'll be watching for you."

"You won't have to look very far."

And by all the saints above, she believed you.

[thefutureduchessmarie]

Do you mind if I ask why you dont post about Eric anymore?

I do feel like saying that I still do. Just not as much anymore. But I get what you’re saying, and the short answer is that I outgrew it a bit. The long answer (that kinda doubles up as my Tumblr Origin story too) is that I knew Eric had found success in the Premier League & England NT after he left Sporting, but I had no idea that he was one of the most popular players, and half of one of the most popular ships on Tumblr’s football fandom. Hell, I didnt even know such a fandom existed. So when I first found out about it, I became instantly obsessed. Our Eric? A fangirl’s dream? Seemed crazy and not like the type of thing that happens to players who leave our Academy.  So I dig deep into his and Deledier’s tags. I started following blogs. I liked all the posts, so that I could look at them over and over. Until one day I decided to reactivate this blog and slowly but surely join this fandom. This was all post WC 2018, when the Premier League fandom was thriving, but Eric not so much. I learned about most of his interviews and adventures after they had happened, as he recovered from many injuries and illnesses. I became very emotionally invested in his recovery and I overall, I think the whole thing consumed me before I even had time to ask myself why Eric Dier was even my favorite.

Because the truth is, while there’s a looooooooot of things I like and admire about him, objectively speaking I don’t think he’s my number one at any of them. He’s not my favorite player or former Sporting player; not my favorite leader; not the one I admire the most off pitch; not even the one I find the most attractive. And the the thing is, being in the fandom, meant that I found others who did fill those categories for me. Players and leaders I admired more, players whose interviews and life off the pitch I was more captivated by.  I remember talking about this with @manuelmueller, who assured me that our faves find us, and not the other way around. And while that made sense to me at the time, I guess the realization always stayed with me...  Simultaneously, 3 things happened: 1) I progressively stopped caring about Spurs after Poch left

2) I started to realize that I dint really relate or felt connected to Dele outside of the jokes and banter he shared with Eric. Nothing against, just nothing particularly “pro” either. So I unfollowed him on social media, stopped keeping up with his life and blogging about him so much. 

3) Over the summer the Deledier fandom became the center of a lot of drama that I just didnt vibe with and I decided I needed to step away from all of that. I unfollowed most Deledier blogs, stopped sharing Deledier content, and even deleted the “Deledier in 2020″ posts I had on my drafts, as a follow-up to the retrospective I’d done in 2019 (sorry to anyone who liked and supported those, btw). Now, why am I mentioning Deledier, you ask? Because like I stated above, Eric and Deledier had always gone hand in hand for me, when it comes to fandom. So I think when I stepped away from one, it unconsciously led me to step away from the other a bit as well. If nothing else, because I started seeing less Eric content  after that unfollowing spree.  I still see his face almost everyday on my dash, and some times I still feel the urge to hit the reblog button. But that initial hyper fixation, that need to reblog everything little thing about him, sometimes multiples times, is definitely gone. I do still love him and admire the way he lives his life, his sense of style, how close to his family he is, his weird Portuguese accent, how eloquent he can be, how he makes an effort to learn, what a good leader he is, etc.. And Im so happy to see him healthy and fit and thriving. But most of the time Im happy to feel all these things at a distance these days.  These things happen with fandom. Sometimes its hard to keep the hyperfixation for too long, so eventually we move on to other things that catch out attention more. And this has basically been a very, very long way of saying that Anyway, thanks for asking. If you miss Eric content, there’s still plenty of lovely logs gushing about him on a daily basis 

[ladybugsfanfics]

Seven Days [6/7] | Loki

→ Pairing: prince!Loki Odinson x pirate!reader

(eventually prince!Loki x pirate!Steve Rogers x pirate!reader)

→ WC:  1.4k

→ Warnings: SMUT!!!, some blood gore, idk, awkwardness, nightmares, (countless) sexual innuendos

→ Summary: Prince Loki has run sick of not feeling welcome at the palace and asks to join you and your life forever. You give him seven days to try the new life, seven days to realize how much he loves you. And in those seven days, he learns to know you, and himself (and the first mate) a little better… In the end, he only has one question left to answer. Will he stay?

A/N: THIS PART AS SMUT! IT IS NOT THAT RELEVANT TO THE PLOT SO YOU CAN SKIP IT, BUT IT’S VERY LIGHT SMUT SO, AND DESPITE EVERYTHING IM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS PART. IT IS MY FAVE OF THE WHOLE STORY. YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ THE PREVIOUS PARTS EITHER BECAUSE THERE ISN’T REALLY ANYTHING PLOT RELATED TO THIS! enjoy ^_^

series Masterlist | Masterlist

You drag a hand through your hair and ruffle it. Loki trails his eyes over your bare chest and the untied pants you quickly dragged on when someone knocked on your door. Your shirt still lies discarded somewhere in the cabin―Loki can’t remember exactly where it went when he dragged it off―and as you tie a knot on the pants, you walk around to try and find it.

“You don’t have to get dressed,” he says, eyes dancing over your back. It’s ridden with scars, scars he has traced many times during long nights in the dark, though he has never gotten the story behind any.

“And who are you to judge that?” you ask him and turn around, shirt in hand and a smile playing on your lips.

Loki rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “The best one, knowing that the day can be spent in here, just you and me, having fun.” He turns his head and gives you a mischievous smile.

You pull the shirt over your head. “Don’t worry, darling, I won’t be long.” The smile you send him has him press his lips together, which makes you laugh. “I could give you a little somethin’.” You walk over to him, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

He hums, searches your sparkling eyes for that something.

Your hand traces up his exposed leg as you place another kiss against his lips. “Don’t―worry―about―it,” you mumble in between kisses.

His heart beats faster as you stop tracing his leg up the inside of his thigh. Your lips trace a way to his ear, and with a voice you’ve used many times before that always has the same reaction, you whisper, “I have a surprise for you.”

And then your warmth leaves his body. He watches as you leave, eyes trained on your butt and loving the sight, but his heart stings as you open the cabin door, leaving him to sulk in solitude.

You wink and blow him a kiss as you walk out. To Loki’s surprise, you don’t close the door. It’s not that much of a surprise when Steve arrives in the doorway, stoic expression on his face as he walks in, closes the door and takes in the view in front of him.

Steve’s eyes roam the visual of Loki’s body; bare chest, long legs stretched out over the sheet covering his private parts. Loki smirks at the little hiccup he can see in Steve’s expression, the man’s eyes still roaming his body.

“Are you my surprise?” he asks.

Steve’s eyes shoot up to meet Loki’s, and he gulps. “You look happy?” It’s formed more as a question than a statement, but Loki suspects it has to do with the nervousness in Steve’s voice rather than being an actual question.

Loki nods. “You’re a pretty handsome surprise, but aesthetically speaking, there are more handsome men than you on this ship.”

Steve frowns and parts his lips as if speaking but he keeps them shut.

“Yet, of all the men on this ship, you are the only one that has piqued my interest.” He smiles at Steve, pulling his hands to rest behind his head and visibly enjoying the look on the first mate’s face; a mix of surprise, nervousness and interest.

“So, you don’t feel this is anything wrong?”

Loki’s brows crease together. “Wrong? She has been with you, hasn’t she? Possibly others even?” He holds the man’s eyes. “And if I’m not wrong, she sent you here?”

Steve nods. “She did. Because I asked.” He takes a step closer. “I didn’t expect her to say yes, but I did expect her to ask you.”

The smirk Loki had is replaced by an amused smile. “Oh, I believe she knew my answer already.”

And that has Steve relax. His tense shoulders slump, his nervous expression is replaced by a smile, and he moves to sit down on the small bed. “We have a lot of time before she comes back, want to make the most of it?”

“Very much.”

---

Loki’s back is to the door when he hears it creak open. His lips locked with Steve’s, and he smiles as he turns his head a little to find you smiling amusedly at the scene in front of you.

“Having fun?” you ask as you close the door.

An arm snakes around Loki’s torso, turning him so he falls into the crook of Steve’s arm. Steve smiles up at you. “Care to join?”

“You sure you want me intruding? I know of plenty of things I can do that does not include interrupting your alone time.” Despite your words, the smile plays on your lips and your pants are off in one swift moment. Loki licks his lips and in his peripheral vision he can see Steve take a deep breath. You drag your shirt over your head. “But I guess I can stay, if you insist.”

Laughter erupts from all three of you, and space is made for you on the little bed between the two men. Loki guides your lips to his as you’ve laid down, because no matter how much he’s enjoyed Steve, he’s missed you.

You smile into the kiss, tucking your hand into the long strands of his hair and lightly tugging on them―years of knowing one another gives way for easy pleasure. Loki makes a low sound at the feel and creates a little opening for you to slip your tongue in.

His body greets the action by arching closer to you. Your tongue in his mouth feeling like the water he’d been longing for in the past five days, as if you filled up the thirst that had gotten him close to dehydration. Loki’s heart pounds, his body growing with warmth at the closeness to you and his nose fills with the salt-water smell that comes off of you.

Disappointment shows on his face when you draw away, but the shine in your eyes make up for it. Your hand still tugs at the strands of his hair, still creates a deep rumbling feeling in the lower part of his gut. He turns his gaze up to Steve, whose peppering your neck with kisses, hand tracing along the curves of your body. You bend your neck to give the man better access, and Loki smiles at the sight.

And, in another attempt at dominance, takes Steve’s chin in his and guides their lips close. He lets the man take control of the kiss, feeling the difference between you and the first man. Where you’re soft, demanding and submissive to his steering, Steve is rough, dominant and urgent. Steve’s kisses are far hungrier than yours, and there’s something Loki likes about both of them that he may compare but he would never know which he likes better.

As Steve takes a hold of the back of Loki’s head, changing your slender fingers for his rougher ones, Loki lets his hands roam Steve’s chest. His hands glides down, across and stops where the lining of his pants would be if the man had been wearing any. Steve’s breath hitch at the graceful touch, unlocking their lips to give Loki half a glare at the teasing.

Loki laughs and finds your hand, guiding it to where his had been. Steve tenses at the sensation, his mind gone from the kiss he’d shared with Loki. But there’s a glint in your eyes as you lean up and put a chaste kiss to the first mate’s lips. Your hands continue to tease, never going further than a little touch here and there, until you trace kisses down the man’s chest.

Even Loki arches his body when you grace Steve’s dick with your tongue; there has been few times you haven’t teased him in the same way. A moan comes from Steve, and as you keep your teasing, only licking around with a smirk, Loki traces kisses over Steve’s body, meeting his lips when the man places a hand at the back of Loki’s neck and demands it.

There are definite perks to a pirate ship. Definite pleasure to find few places elsewhere. Every decision Loki’s ever made has led to this moment, a moment that defines you, Steve and him, and that he will cherish forever.

A moment he hopes lasts, and that repeats itself.

Because there is nothing he wants more than to please the two people that have come to mean the most to him. To please you in every way he can, to please Steve in every way he can, and to receive the pleasure you both bring.

The taste of Steve on his lips as you kiss him, the taste of you on his lips as Steve kisses him, and the taste of himself from both of you, is more than he could ever ask for.

He’s made his choice.

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective @gamillian @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @heartislubbingdubbing @wiczer @chillcan @geeksareunique @fandom-imagines1

loki tags: @iamverity​ @satanskatze @timetravelingsociopathicwalker

seven days tags: @marvelc00kie35​ @southernhoney21​  @senpaiweird​ @britkane-shsl-librarian​ @sociallyawkwardbeanwhowrites​ @rinthehufflepuff

[razzmatazzzzzzzzzz]

hi there and welcome to im having a

break down

at 12 am

theres a bunch of triggers revolving around invalidation so dont read if you can’t handle those

i was drawing

as i often do

and i suddenly remember the only person i currently have in my blocklist.

a panphobe.

they’ve been in there for about a week now, and only now have I given it thought.

I’ve always hated blocking people.

On deviantart I have a few people blocked.

some weird pedo is the first to come to mind

and the only other one i can think of off the top of my head is someone who came at me for even considering to use he/him and then promptly shat on my gender identity as a whole, said that he/him lesbians were weird, said that d*** and f***** weren’t offensive, and that neither was the n-word. He was caucasian. He then verbally abused on of my best friends on discord according to someone else. That whole fiasco honestly didn’t affect me as much as this is.

right now.

-

The person in my tumblr blocklist is a warrior cat artist that I SO want to do a call-out post on because I took a look at their blog and they still have supporters. It’s sickening. But I won’t because I simply do not have the heart for that.

They drew what I believe was their wc sona holding a bi-battle axe, and then they got an ask asking if they were a panphobe. They responded with an affirmative.

I considered just unfollowing them, but I honestly didn’t want them anywhere near me, ever, so I ended up blocking them.

Now we’re here tonight, where I’m fucking crying because,,

we

as a fandom

managed to get a terf off the writing team

but somehow we haven’t ‘cancelled’ a panphobic blog that most likely has about 300 followers.

I remember reading their asnwer to the ask and if I’m correct they said that they hated pans bcs of a ‘past experience’ and like, no? fuck you?

that’s the equivalent of “oh well, i met this one little girl that hated my guts, so therefore all little girls do,” that is SO fucked up and

oh my god i can’t even type anymore

im going to sleep

im not going to say who this is. if you know, you know, if you dont, you dont

im sorry for throwing my breakdown at y’all