#and like. i dont say this to shame or blame anyone. this is obviously my choice. ive decided to do both of these things when i could have i

[the-kipsabian]

.

[lucy4-ever]

bill kaulitz x male reader

!NSFW!

Emo Boy

i met bill when i was 16, at this time we were only fucking. his twin brother was as handsome as him, which by the way, made me question things about myself. bill used to be an one night stand fucker, but he met me. im a 16yo boy who's in a romantic relationship with bill kaulitz, a famous german singer in the Tokio Hotel band. as you probably know, bill always says in interviews how much he's a love at first sight believer.

bullshit. 

im not shaming him though, he's just a liar, a hot liar. when bill was about 17, he started acting like tom, fucking with anyone who was near, and minor. he was acting like this because of alchool, then because he wanted to. i mean, i cant blame him, alchool does make me horny, which is how we met, well, not exactly.

i was in a bar, in paris, minding my own business, when a really hot and drunk emo boy came to me asking if i was gay. i wasnt in the mood to fuck, to be honest, he just looked irrestible. i said yeah and we went to a hotel room. when we arrived i started getting excited since he was flirting with me as we walked to the hotel. bill was really drunk, i asked him why would he drink so much, between his sentences talking about my dick.

"i dont know, i guess i just love avoiding problems by drinking them away, whatever, i really wanna suck your cock right now", ive gotta say i kinda felt bad because i was feeling like taking advantage of him. so we didnt do anything. when we arrived he jumped on the bed, arching his back, okay now he was testing my patience and hornyness for sure. i told him i didnt have any condoms or lube. he just kissed me, heavy, wet and long, asking for more kissed me. i really didnt wanna fuck him, knowing im a sober teenager and he was a drunk, famous teenager. even though, i could have fucked him. but i respected him too much to do this when he was dead drunk. i decided to take it easy, because he was starting to complain.

"how are we gonna do it, fuck"

he had this adorable german accent too.

"look i feel like youre not in your complete mind to do this, we dont even know eachother"

"how come boys teenagers dont have hormones?" he said smirking. he was really hot.

"listen i can suck you off if you want, but nothing more, it'll feel too wrong"

"alright, then make me cum" his eyes were so pretty, his nose, his smile too. jesus christ, that boy really excited me.

i obviously, started sucking him, and just when i touched the top of it with my tongue, he started moaning like crazy, in english, in german. tired moans though. he was actually driving me crazy. "oh fuuuck, please, please, aah, fuckk, fuckkk *german sounds*

he ended up sucking me too. then he fell asleep on my chest. i gotta say, that was one of my best fuck, even though we just sucked off eachother. bill was just so, so hot.

finally, the next morning, i was kinda suprised he was still here, sleeping in my arms. he was so pretty too. sun came across his face, lighting his smoked eyeliner. i checked the time, it was 4pm. damn.

when he woke up, he started blurring out apologies. i gotta say i didnt quite understood why.

"im so sorry, i really shouldnt have forced you"

"i gotta say you were completly gone, haha" i answered, chuckling.

"well, im kinda awkward to ask this, but, would it be possible to get your number?", he was blushing sooo hard. or maybe i was the one blushing very hard. not only my face was bright red, hardly flushing. my dick was too.

so yeah, we fucked, for good this time.

we ended up giving eachother numbers and bill kept talking about how good i was in bed and how handsome i was. i kept saying "you too" though.

we were hooking up almost every two days. he felt really good to be honest (still is).

we determined our relationship as casual hookups.

yet he always came to my house, and after fucking we were having so much fun, watching movies and stuff. so we decided to get together, as a couple. the way we did was pretty cute.

we were at my house, bill called me to ask my opinion about an outfit he wanted to wear, i told him he looked better naked. so we started to flirt in a very sexual way. "oh yeah, you think so?" he answered, "im actually kinda insecure about my naked body, cause like im so skinny".

"twinks are the hottest" i said. he laughs. i actually kept what he said in mind, i didnt know he was insecure, i mean when we fucked he was pretty confident actually. i also felt good that he trusted me enough to tell me about his insecurities. we continued flirting until he said somthing like "gött, pretty sure im hard, thanks to you", he chuckled, with his adorable laugh making me feel butterflies in my stomach.

"anyways, im coming over" he said.

"im impatienly waiting for you love" i answered.

he made a gasp sound, "did you just call me love"

"what, you don't like it? sorry, i didnt mean to grt you inconforatable"

"no, no it's alright, pretty sure i liked it."

then bill came to my house, the second he ranged the bell, i litteraly jumped onto him, kissing him with the least respect for myself. he kissed me back with his heavy tongue, exploring my mouth.

i held him by the waist (he, on purpose, arched it so i was getting a great look on his ass, such a whore) while he gripped to my neck, thrusting his nails into my skin, while dominating the kiss, and moaning some german words.

we finally moved to my bedroom, i took his hand and pushed him onto the bed, telling him he shouldnt act like a masochist slut with me. he answered "i know you secretly liked it, dont you, honey?"

dang it, that german accent was doing things to me.

i was about to undress when he pulled my arm and forced me to sit on the bed. emo boy stood up and looked at me with those desiring eyes. i knew what he wanted, and i was gonna give it to him.

he got on his knees, and kissed my used lips. he started lowing his kisses, from my chin, to my neck, while he held it with his hands, then my torso, touching my back sensually, then he just touched my up body, lifting up my shirt. i finally started whining and moaning. bill took off my shirt and started unbottoning my jeans. he was holding it, even with my underwear on. he grabbed it, and just touched the top of it throught thd fabric. he started moving his fingers up and down. emo boy took off his pants too, even thought i wanted to be the one doing this job. he did it just so i could his back arch whild sucking me off. he just kept moving with it in his mouth. i felt myself exciting real much. i kept giving looks to his ass, how was he arching his back that much. he started moaning too, german moans only.

what was really hot too was his full mouth moans, it was reallllly attractive.

i wanted to realise it, the hot white liquid fulling my cock. but bill decided otherwise, so he told me right in the eyes that if i came i wont fuck him up. so i didn't. now i was really horny and vulnerable right now, the only thing i wanted was to feel my dick in him.

author's note : i decided to do a bill x m reader cause i've only seen like 2 posts about a gay relationship with bill. like? he's so fruity 😮‍💨

i'm sorry i'm cliffhangering you guys 😞

i just didn't have the energy to keep writing. so don't worry i'll make a part2 😙

love yaaaa!! 💕💕

[dearreader]

yk my biggest gripe with joe (right now) is he knew full well what he was getting into, and i dont mean this in a victim-blaming way. she's been writing songs about her life for a living since before he even hit puberty, it's her biggest defining feature as an artist and im pretty sure even behind the scene, she prob told him that there would be songs written about you, if that bothers you gtfo, and he didn't. For 6 whole years he had no problem with it when it painted him in a good light and she showered him with utter adoration, which honestly was just her doing what she always does - writing songs about her life & feelings. now, she's doing the same thing, but when it no longer benefits him, he wants to act like she's blindsiding him or sth. it's so fucking low, which is ironic considering i wouldnt have set the bar so high for him if it weren't for taylor praising his integrity in the first place.

i think this a good way to explain it. (sorry for the late response). but so much of our perception of joe and who he is is based on her songs, that’s a literal fact. he has been annoyed in interviews because he doesn’t want to talk his personal life and was always annoyed when anyone brought up his girlfriend of many years.

so we got one side of him from the media, which we assumed was because he didn’t like the media and thought it was invasive. but taylor gave us a different view of him as a person and that’s what the general public latched onto. but honestly… listening back to a lot of the songs it’s more about taylor’s feelings on the relationship rather than HIM, but we all assumed that she was happy because of their songs.

but… yeah. like even if he didn’t care about her public image when they met, he would still know it. especially since he was there at the worst. we even have a quote from a reputation photos that says “how would you feel having a song written about you?” that’s is a literal quote. so they obviously discussed it and worked out their relationship with it. but now that she’s doing the same thing, writing songs about her love life, the thing she’s been shamed over by the media for years, he is claiming it’s shady.

it’s just very… telling. like there’s something that happened that he is worried about being revealed. and the thing about relationships is they get messy and you say things you regret in heat of the moment, lord knows i have, so that’s a thing that happens and can be worked through depending on the situation. but if there’s something he’s worried about being revealed and tied to him… idk it’s saying a lot. he could’ve waited it out and it might’ve died down, he’s been quiet for 7 years, but him making an official statement says a lot.

[lolotheparagon]

Who is your favorite Sofia the First character

Sofia, obviously. She's just the sunniest child and I love how despite being an all-loving hero, she's surprisingly good at manipulating people, even if its always for a good cause. Which is something you rarely see in a pre-school show protagonist. She can strike deals, stroke people's egos and assert herself when needed to. She looks like the most precious baby but will fucking slaughter you with her words and I love that kind of energy. This kid can take down Satan with just an angry pout and sheer willpower.

Also her instant urge to help people and make everyone happy, even to her own detriment, is fascinating cos she's still a little kid who gets jealous and selfish like anyone. I love characters who have chronic hero syndrome where they feel the need to help others but they really dont want to and just for once look after themselves. Its a great way to display the importance of self-care. I just hate how the show made her into a walking moral compass for the writers and made her into the fucking Avatar of the EverRealm, when she's like 8. It doesnt help that the Mystic Isles and the Secret Library were some of the most boring stories the show ever made.

Also Sofia's got detective skills that'll put Batman to shame. This kid will become a powerful queen one day.

I like Amber as well for being patient zero on how to write a lovable alpha bitch without making her a bitch, she does get a lot of aesop amnesia where she flits back and forth between a snarky yet kind hearted diva to Disney's Regina George. But I blame the writers, not the character. I love her relationship with her sister Sofia and how the two become best friends. Amber going big sister mode whenever someone's out to get Sofia's amulet or just bullying Sofia in general is always nice to see. I also like the little intricacies the show gives her, like her interests in astronomy and architecture, it gives her a lot more dimension than her just being the fun diva character. I kinda wish there were more episodes about her relationship with her twin brother James, but what are ya gonna do?

Cedric is fun. I like his friendship with Sofia, its very wholesome and I like how he's a great example of how to write a sympathetic villain, by making him as threatening as a kitten and have him completely incapable of hurting a child's feelings. And Im just gonna leave this here cos saying you like Cedric as a character on Tumblr is like saying Bloody Mary in front of a mirror.

AND CAN WE GIVE A SHOUT OUT FOR MIRANDA PLEASE. COS SHE IS A LITERAL AND METAPHORICAL QUEEN AND I LOVE HER?! SHE'S KIND, SMART, QUICK-THINKING AND ALWAYS THERE FOR SOFIA, AMBER AND JAMES WHENEVER THEY SHE IS SUCH A LOVING MOTHER AND OH MY GOD WHY DOES SOFIA NEED THE DISNEY PRINCESSES FOR ADVICE WHEN HER MOTHER IS RIGHT THERE?!

[minheeskitten]

Some of my opinions on kpop.fandoms and general fandoms as well:

-You can't call yourself the parent of a fandom if only a few people call you that. Don't force it. No one can say you are part of any family without you consenting to it.

-Fanwars are stupid and have no place in kpop. And fanwars in other fandoms make people who are in multiple fandoms feel bad. Stop starting fanwars. They're useless.

-Making idols act like you are family is gross and creepy Especially if you try to get them to call you 'mom' or 'dad'

-People who collect album versions instead of photocards deserve just as much a chance to show off.

-Fatshaming any idol is wrong. Even Sh*nd*ng. No matter how much you hate anyone. Do. Not. Fatshame.

-Titles mean nothing. "It girl" and "It boy" are useless terms. This isn't high school.

-Anyone under 18 is a child. Don't make *any* sexual comments about them. Its gross.

-"S/Hes so fine' Is a sexual comment. As is anything of the sort. If you think otherwise, block me.

-If an idol says they're uncomfortable with something, a specific photo set or something else. Stop using it, and spread the word.

-Stop asking idols to marry you. They *can't*. And they likely don't want to.

-If you're creepy/ making an idol uncomfortable in a fancall you should get banned from fancalls with them.

-If you call anyone in their 20s 'old' you are factually incorrect as well as obviously a young teen or preteen, and you shouldn't be interacting in fandom until you learn to interact. Fandom has no age limit, but there shouldn't be any age shaming.

-No amount of bullying is okay. Don't be ableist, or rude. Or racist. Kpop has no space for that. Fandom in general has no space for it.

-You shouldn't be ableist. Fans have disabilities, and you not allowing those fans into fandoms, is why you're toxic. Not everyone who is disabled has a 'visible' disability.

-Dont make fancams, if you don't want people to use them. Fancams are gonna be used. If you don't want others to use them, don't make them.

-If an idol wants to ruin their reputation by doing stupid things, then let them learn it the hard way. Trying to teach an idol who doesn't want to learn is stupid.

-If an idol wants to ruin their reputation by doing stupid things, then let them learn it the hard way. Trying to teach an idol who doesn't want to learn is stupid.

-Defending islamophobic idols is stupid. And it only proves you yourself are islamophobic (if you are, gtfo my page.)

-Stop making every little thing a scandal so quickly. It's pointless and just gets more unrightful hate.

-Stop blaming groups for things when the company is the one in the wrong. Most of the time, it is the company in the wrong, not the idol

-Hold your idols and companies accountable for their mistakes.

-If you see a scandal or issue, do your research and look into it, instead of just spreading it around.

-Don't overreact to scandals or problems. It's pointless and just becomes hysteria.

-Idols shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of needing glasses to see. Or any sort of aid like that.

-Purposely ignoring a boycott of a group is wrong, and oftentimes will make the groups situation worse. (i am begging you, boycott e'last rn)

-Calling any group a 'flop' is rude. It's even more rude when they clearly aren't.

-Stop acting like you know the idol personally. You're a fan to them. Yeah they want to know fans, but there's no way you'd know them personally from fancalls.

-If you say an idol is being problematic. Show us your source. Where did you hear it from. Tell us.

-Don't tell people who are using a fancam to source the fancam. They're not always going to source it. It's only appropriate if you're asking so you can use it as well. And do it nicely.

-If you are incapable of basic human decency, you shouldn't be interacting with idols or other big figures in your fandom.

-Don't shame someone based on how many albums or photocards they have. Their worth as a fan is not based on those things.

-You don't need everything an idol ever suggests they like. Don't waste your money on something you won't use.

-You don't need any merch or anything at all, to call yourself a fan of someone or something. Saying otherwise, is rude and classist.

-Don't bash fan creators. They're doing this for free. This includes, editors, artists and fic writers. Even if you don't like the content, don't bash the creative behind it. Block them and move on with your day, it's that simple.

-Stop being so fucking judgmental. Not everyone is going to be like you, accept that.

-Every fandom has toxic people. No fandom is free of it. Stop focusing on outcasting other fandoms for having toxic people and start outcasting those who are toxic within your own fandoms.

[humblefryingpan]

Can I just like Taylor Swift without people either on the internet or irl being a dick?

⚠️ Minor tw for mentioned pedophilia, car crashes and home invasion. Also I talk about harassment (sexual and regular) and referenced slut shaming. And some swearing.

This is a really long (like 12 paragraphs) and pretty negative post btw, if you choose to read it then it's on you

"I'm existed to listen to Taylor's new album! I like this song!"

The internet: have you considered you're just a white supremacist? (I'm not joking I actually just saw a post calling swifties white supremacists)

Ffs let me like things, it doesn't affect you in any way. I like her as a person and I love her music. You don't have to.

You don't like Taylor's music? Don't listen to her. You think she's annoying? Okay, I clearly dont, stop trying to make me upset over something that doesn't affect you. Notice how I keep my mouth shut when you rant about basic singer boy #7? It's pretty easy.

There are so many things I don't like that other people do and unless someone actually asks my opinion I will shut my mouth and let them enjoy it because it's none of my business.

Once someone I know saw me listening to music (with headphones!) and asked if I was listening to Taylor Swift bc they knew I like her. I was so I was like "yeah I'm listening to __ by Taylor :)" and then suddenly I couldn't listen in peace because they spent the next 40 minutes bitching about her. In no point during this did I make them or even suggest getting them to listen with me. I was literally just doing my work while listening to a song a like.

And the argument that she is single-handedly destroying the environment? Really? Yeah she has a private jet which isn't good for the environment but if she took public transport do you realize how much harassment she'd get? Say she just goes in a car, so many people have intentionally caused car crashes when around celebrities in an attempt to meet them or hurt them. Several people have tried to break into her house obviously she wouldn't be safe in public transport.

Even without the safety hazard you'd see how fast it goes from "taylor is polluting the air!" to "taylor is causing traffic on purpose!" or "taylor wastes loads of petrol/energy in her car!" Because she literally can't leave her house without getting blamed for something. She goes to see her boyfriend play football? She's ruining football. She dates someone? Slut. She breaks up with someone? Player/whore.

It's none of your business what she does. She makes people happy and she didn't hurt anyone intentionally, what about that is so awful that you need to yell at any random person that likes her? Sure some people take being a swiftie too far but even then, most of the time you don't know their life and even if there isn't more to it, it's not an excuse to judge an entire fan base for the minority of problematic people.

Imagine if I said every single singer is a pedophile because I found two singers that actually are. Would that be fair? What if I said every man harasses people just because some men do? Would I get yelled at?

People need to stop taking "I like this" as an excuse to make someone feel bad. Stop looking for excuses to be a prick because most of the time if you stop looking for reasons to be mad, your life gets a lot happier.

At the end of the day if I like Taylor Swift then there's another thing that makes me happy. If you don't then you should just not listen to her and let the people that do enjoy themselves because your misery shouldn't hurt other people.

Sorry for the angry/sad and long post but holy fuck it feels so necessary at this point

[unstabull]

TW victim blaming, mis-gendering in screenshot

TW personal mentions of my own abuse /trauma

warning for a long post

So I was going to just block and move on but considering @bcbdrums decided to post a screen shot with my username and tag the whole soul eater fandom in an attempt to, I dunno, shame me? I feel I need to at least say SOMETHING on my own behalf. I am trying to learn I matter and can stand up for myself and I think this is a good time to practice that.

So when the original post was made, in my head I was thinking to myself "I didn't tag or say who said the thing, I simply made it known the thing was said, so I could give my own opinion" and although I was a bit nervous in the end I decided this is my blog and I am allowed to have and even share an opinion.

I am a nervous mentally ill trauma survivor myself hence why I love Crona in the first place, so when I first even noticed the comment on my original post I was filled with immediate fear, because I had already openly disagreed with this person before. Now after some hours of panic and my mate waking up, so they could tell me what the comment said in the first place, (I was too frozen with fear to even go on the app), they suggested I not delete my post (which was my immediate reaction) and instead just block and remove the comment.

I did this because one I wasn't looking for an argument or a discussion, if I was I'd of reblogged the original post where the original thing was said. Two the reply itself was talking about how "the quote in that book meant adult child relationship-" I literally addressed this first thing by saying that no adults, in the universe in which we are discussing, are offering that help. So by starting with that they were ignoring what I already said. Three if you innately hate Crona why are you even near my blog? Personally I hate soul x maka and I could go comment on everything to do with it, but guess what? I don't, because I don't need to.

Now, when I was shown parts of a post, you ask why no one will talk to you about this ship, and instead they block or ignore you. From just a small search from back at our first interaction, I found many posts proving it would of been pointless to try discussing anything with you. One of the most concerning to me was this one:

you clearly hate Crona (and misgender them). In this post, you victim blame an abused child saying that they're willing in their actions? "Dont care if (their) mom was horrible that's no excuse" You are blaming an abused teen for doing what their abuser tells them they must, this kid is 15 and been groomed since day one of its life, and you're calling them cold blooded and willing? meaning they feel nothing no remorse and want to do these things? that's literally not true you are just insanely bias by your hate. If you actually understood what abused kids go through and feel you would know Crona had no options and deeply truly felt it had no choice. Even Maka understood this.

Now I'm not gonna continue about that or even go out of my way to pull any "evidence" for you on why Crona was clearly unwilling, because of posts like this:

"Crona should have died" like why the hell should anyone even attempt talking to you about this subject, when you're saying stuff like this? "It would have made Crona's story meaningful" you've obviously made up your mind that Crona is some heartless monster undeserving of forgiveness, and will forever be guilty in your eyes, so the idea you really believe you are capable of discussing this topic is ridiculous. And I'd like to stress again, you are talking about a mentally ill, abused 15 year old in the above post... fictional or not, I find your hate towards this abused teen disturbing. I really can't even imagine how you would view and treat real victims of abuse. I mean again even if it's fiction, you openly think a teenager deserves to die because in your eyes its the only way they can, what? "repent"? Like honestly that's pretty ableist in my opinion. The fact you can't accept that Crona is worth helping and deserves to be saved shows just how little you got out of this series.

Now I am going to discuss more personal topics and down to why I felt I truly needed to say something in the first place.

As previously stated I am an abuse and trauma survivor myself, I have been through a lot, and my first abuser was my older brother, and therefore I could not get away from him. Having a family member abuse you from day one and constantly be in power of you, and above you, and stronger than you, is extremely detrimental. I had him bullying me almost 24/7 growing up until I was finally about 11 or 12 when he went to live with my bio father. I was SO relieved he was leaving I cried with relief and couldn't wait till he left. And It wasn't until a couple of years later when I was about 14 that he came back. I was terrified. Now here's where people assume I should have said something or done something or perhaps even isolated completely to get away from my abuser (I did that near the end).

Well as a survivor of abuse I tend to always blame myself by default, and back then I had no confidence, I was pretending to be cishet, and also hiding that I wasn't "normal". So when my brother came home I was subservient to him almost immediately. I kept his secrets, I played the role assigned, I was his punchline, I was his errand boy.

Like Crona I felt I had no options and my best choice was to protect myself and to do whatever my abuser wanted and keep them appeased. Even if that meant hiding everything and pretending we were close. Yes Crona is fictional but their character means a lot to people who have been through or are going through abuse like that especially familial. And your comments that Crona is a willing participant and guilty because they do what their abuser says, really is insensitive to people who have been in a situation or are still in a situation in which they must do what an abuser wishes, or believe they must do it.

Now another point you keep bringing up is how "Crona needs therapy" an argument that is moot because no one in the universe in which this character lives is offering such help. And even if they were openly offering therapy to Crona it's still not the only thing mentally ill abused people need. Especially ones that have gone through childhood trauma and continued abuse.

I first went to therapy when I was about 15 or 16, because I was young I was treated as if I had no need to depressed or struggling in the first place. My first counselor not only taught me that masking was best so that I didn't make others uncomfortable, she also would talk about other cases she was working on. I decided to find another. Again because I was young I was not taken as seriously, and because I had learned to mask so well from my last counselor my new one didn't recognize any signs and after a year she "graduated" me. I've tried a few others throughout the years and all to no avail. It took me a bit more than decade from my first counselor to finally find one that knows what they're doing, has been through trauma, and is actually helping me.

"Go to therapy" isn't the magical fix neurotypicals think it is. And asking us to completely open up to strangers in a system that could possibly lock us up and harm us for our thoughts and feelings is such a ridiculous request. Most mental health providers I have met are not trust worthy.

Now that doesn't mean I have said anywhere that therapy doesn't work, or should be avoided or disregarded. But I am also not going to pretend like it's all we need either. I am a mentally ill, trauma survivor and I am so tired of people telling me what I experienced, and what I need. I know exactly what I needed, I was there. And I know what it's like asking adults for help and looking to adults for help and getting none. I don't need to have someone come at me on my private blog trying to convince me that I'm wrong and that I don't know what I'm talking about when I have literally been through a lot of what I discuss. Also I don't need someone framing it like me posting on my personal blog about a book on trauma and a fictional character is "spreading misinformation" that's ridiculous. I have done nothing wrong.

As someone with experience being abused and being through trauma I know for a fact if I had, had someone near me, near my age to befriend me, and that I could trust, that would have done me a lot of good. Not because they would have "fixed" me but because I would have gradually started to learn that I am capable of being loved, and that I deserve good things. A very important step for those of us with trauma.

And in conclusion I want to say this whole thing has been quite ridiculous. The fact there was even a need to publicly post the screen shot with my username included in the first place, along with adding the tags to the main fandom to, again I can only assume, try to shame me? is just weird to me in general, and all this because I blocked someone for my own wellbeing. This is all I have to say on the matter, I felt I should stand up for myself, and after seeing a screen shot of this person saying they "really want it to be explained to them" I decided to give the reasons why I don't bother discussing topics with people like that, and people who think in the ways shown in the above screen shots, there is nothing to be said, because they are never going to listen. I hope this marks the end of whatever this has been, I have said what I feel I not only have a right to say but honestly should say.

I want to thank whoever reached the end of this post I appreciate your time, and if you agree with either of the screenshots above we should now part ways.

[glennis-hate-blog]

If not Dennis though then who?

if you're asking something other than who would i hate if not dennis, sorry for answering wrong (though the amount that i wrote should qualify my answer as wrong no matter what). i did three reading comprehension tasks total throughout my entire education, and received feedback on none of them. i went completely off the rails so skip to blue, bold text if you just want the real answer

THE ANSWER:

-must of course be contextualised with the fact that when it comes to dennis, i am untethered and my rage knows no bounds. no amount of hate for any other person would substantiate. the runner-up for my-most-hated would compare to dennis as athlete's foot compares to gangrene. having established this, we can move on to establishing why i am dragging my answer out so much. it is because i crave human contact, yet i seem to dislike anyone close to me. the internet provides me with scraps of impersonal human contact that leave me oblivious to the real person, the human behind that interaction. this allows me to feel comfortable enjoying an interaction without convincing myself that i hate the other person. how can i hate someone i do not know? excellent setup! i feast like a starving lion. i suppose that with this in mind, i might claim that if not dennis, i could hate myself the most. but im assuming that we're talking sunny characters here.

it's hard to understand how i feel about the other characters, because i hold my affections about them while aware that they are obviously horrible people.

my mind jumped to dee first, seeing as she shares a lot of the same qualities that make me hate dennis. the most glaring example being that they are rapists. seeing a pattern of this trait in TWINS makes me a little sad though. it shows that what caused this probably had something to do with their parents. the fact that dennis is worse than dee can probably be attributed to his getting raped by the school librarian or whatever it was, as well as how differently their parents treated him on account of his being male. i think some patriarchally motivated power issues stem from that treatment, you can see how he acts out around women in this way (as if i have to explain). anyway dee would make sense as a solid contender. by default ill add her parents to the ring since im blaming them for making her the way that she is.

... im not a huge cricket fan. sure he has his funny moments which i adore, but that is much the same as the reynolds twins. i didnt love him before his decline/the development of his drug addiction, weakness and catholicism repulse me. (HALF JOKE. SORRY. sorry.) i say that he is weak due to his susceptibility to manipulation (a trait he shares with dennis- a man who was tricked into digging up his dead mother 'for gold')- by dee. she wasnt even in her milf era at the time and he left the whole church without even seeing a ring... ok :|. girlie travelled to a bar full of people who bullied and sexually assaulted him to check out a water stain :/ PLEASE. anyway then there's the drug abuse which was actually fairly slay i dont take issue with that. he got better and more acceptable after that in my mind.

third and final person ill seriously consider will be gail the fucking snail. ive seen gail apologists... no... shes not even that bad it's just that shes a caricature of REAL PEOPLE i have to deal with, i totally sympathise with the twins over hating and salting her. idc if she just wants to hang out. she should learn what fuck off means and start trying to find herself, rather than continually finding other people to latch onto obsessively and dissolving into a radioactive puddle of self-pity and non-committal, performative 'shame' every time she is rejected before restarting her circuit of the same 3 people she harasses. oh my god i dont think im talking about snail anymore. whatever. it's what she represents IT DOESNT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE OK THIS IS ABOUT THE PEEPEEPOOPOO SHOW.

scrolling back through all ive written over a simple six-word question, i can see that it is my fucking bedtime. i will be concluding now. ok so i think it's fair to eliminate cricket here, since she redeemed herself by learning parkour and being funny. while i hate gail and everything she represents, she isnt a rapist. she just needs to stop asking for my address and suggesting we have sleepovers and asking whether im a top or a bottom. fucking snail. that would make Dee Reynolds my second-most-hated sunny character! i couldnt hate her with the same fiery rage that i hate dennis, but if there were no dennis, there may very well have existed a dee hate blog.

yip-fucking-ee im so sorry to anyone who thought it was worth investing the time to read any of that, especially the second two body paragraphs. im going to bed now have a fantastic day

[ratrap]

God, I'm so so glad you've been able to tell this shit to your therapist and she's helping you because yeah, I've said it a billion times but it really isn't okay. You know you don't enjoy it and we both know that's a normal response to what he's doing (also actually stress can make you either gain weight OR drop it it's 50/50, you're gaining it because he's Massively Fucking Overfeeding You and he knows it and now the freak's trying to blame it on your emotions because he knows damn well what he's doing is some horror movie shit!) If you can try to talk your way out of at least some of the birthday stuff, maybe make it seem like you're gonna throw up assuming he's not into that too, then please try (but only as much as you're able without him retaliating of course), but above all trust your feelings here. Like, I wanna say 'what, does he really expect you to have no contact with anyone outside him' but it's seeming like he genuinely does, so keep fighting like hell to see your therapist (tell her about that next time, state clearly you only want to do in-person and if that changes you've been forced, her getting an advocate in on this would be some major backup) and get that little bit of time away from him until hopefully someday it's forever. And don't apologize for talking and feeling, you need to keep in touch with yourself and what bits of the normal world you can get when he's trying to straightup gaslight you and completely remove your ability to set boundaries, if he wants this fulltime 'dynamic' he should at least have found someone who's actually into it too and not just intimidated into playing along because ~he says~ no one'll help when I'm pretty sure at least half of this is illegal and the other half's some of the most blatantly manipulative bullshit disguised under 'kink' I've ever heard of. I truly hope this all works out.

I dont know, I'll try but I dont want him to get pissed off with me so I'll probably just have to do it. Hes been wanting to stuff me and force me to eat more and more regularly lately. And ive got punished a lot more too some of it im too embarrassed to repeat so i should probably just do it as he wants. but before he just let me eat what i want whenever with like some encouragement now and then so im always pretty full.cause i already was fat and lazy and obviously already have problems with food and overeating as it is. Now im always full as soon as im not close to throwing up i have to eat.and he gets kind of mean sometimes when hes drunk or something and says all of this is my fault for being so fat and lazy in the first place and i need to accept it and how i dont have friends. I do accept I'll always be fat but I dont want to get any bigger. it's like he shames me or like manipulates me into doing what he wants and feel like i have to or like i should just accept this is my life. cause i have a lot of . trauma about shit like this so it's very, idek the word, just really traumatising. Im glad im talking to my therapist more about it it too rather than talking about it vaguely bc it's getting really hard for me. Im trying to write something out to send to my aunt but im so worried about it. Thank you as always for your nice words

[lauraharrier]

i think .... people (myself included) need to start focusing on actual lgbt artists instead of like .... praising artists who are only allies as far as we know ....... like ...... idk i feel like i see more people putting artists like harry and ariana on a pedestal for making vague comments about their sexuality that aren’t explicitly coming out and i never hear about artists who are openly gay or trans

[zed-36]

@ 18: the questions weren't actually that strict! you could interpret them however you liked :) that said, im curious what you would add to the story? i love reading ur ideas and interpretations of the characters n stuff!

oh no prob, i did enjoy thinking of what i could change without adding anything new (i will talk too much if i dont contain myself) BUT since you have asked...

ill share these ideas as a general change to the series as a whole (WR and Acceleracers- also i will call Acceleracers AC for short if i need to).

There is a lot i feel needs to change- but two major points are lore (and direction of it in the story) and characters.

The lore of the series is all weird due to what changed between WR and AC, but its also too surface level. its for kids, its probably why its not so expansive. but it does leave a lot of confusion to me and while i would have to spend much more time to fully “rebuild” the world, i will give some ideas on what i would see changed.

One, at least making it make sense all the way through. i think Acceleracers had the best ideas but it shouldve been expanded on in WR- WR barely touched on actual Acceleron lore. Overall i would like to see the Accelerons 100% remade from the ground up. i LOVE aliens and alien society but i feel all we know of them is they race. and thats its. and sadly AC wasnt seen through to where we may have seen a bit more. but they need to be redone, with lore also point to exactly why the drones woke up when they did, what their drive is, etc. Why is Gelorum the way she is too, very important lor aside from characters. I wouldnt want the series to become a huge Lore Dump but there are moments where they intended to drop lore and they just. dont really do that, at least not well. Imagining the series with more extensive lore would obviously see it being longer than what it is, which i think makes sense. in the end if i was to properly write out all lore it would be a huge rebuild of 1) the Accelerons as an alien society, in depth 2) the full origins of the Drones/Gelorums (how they ended up where they did, what makes them how they are now and 3) a more cohesive plotting of events that would lead to lore revealed. also developing what “Scrim” and “clyp” were, along with the actual depth of Silencerz and how far back they go has been on my mind a lot. scrim and clyp just vanish from lore but in my headcanon backstory for Gelorum, i mention how those things existed too. if anyone has more specific questions on lore tho i can answer those individually! its just a lot to go over lol.

The characters though, oh god where do i start. not gonna touch on every individual (feel free to ask about someone and how i would rewrite them/change them), but theres a lot i would want to see different.

Theres some good ideas in the series that are just not explored much, or the actions dont feel like they have impacts. And many characters have literally zero backstory to go off of... Everyone needs at least some kinda origin in mind, doesnt have to be said but knowing where they come from is one key detail that i think is nice to drop some times. characters referncing locations, where they went, etc... its little but its good to have. In the WR comics, most of these characters do have origins! but theyre completely forgotten in the movies it seems. it would have been cool it WR tied together some of these ‘really good drivers’ and maybe they were in the same races together or something. there are 35 people and none of them seem to know each other at least not in detail- other than Vert and Alec who are clearly friends. Kurt Wylde was written to have done some “illegal” modifications in a race, what is someone there knew him? what if it brought up tension/suspicions? Things like that, its all part of where they come from and its a shame the movies just dont connect them very well.

I think theres some specific characters i will give examples to ‘rewrtiting’ and most of it is AC focused!

Kurt & Markie..... i love them, really do! but after WR i just did not like where they went. i get it, kinda ironic for Markie to become such an opposite. buuuut it was a bit much to me. first off, i would actually expand on the “crime” and that would 100% change the outcome of the two. the period between WR and AC shouldve gone different and in turn, i think wouldve changed up MM and Teku completely! i want to imagine Kurt is trying to get away from bad habits after WR but, perhaps has a really good deal with someone who had also gotten him into illegal car part business in the past. he is tempted and ropes Markie in with the idea they could do so more secretly but are caught, and while Markie is nervous and young he spills all the beans, but none of that evidence goes to Kurt and he stays silent, managing to get out of it. However instead of Kurt going to Teku and Markie going to MM.... Kurt tries to join Teku in the idea of joining a less rowdy gang, but Vert believes full Kurt let his brother take all the blame- so they dont allow him in. He goes for MM, which takes him easily but this team’s energy really doesnt help him. In turn, Markie leaves jail and Vert is swift to allow Markie into Teku because theyre friends! and it helps keep Markie in a better place, not wanting to get back into bad stuff. The important thing is tho, this switch up wouldnt result in super harcore, asshole Kurt. i feel like instead, he would be in an awkward place of wanting to improve himself but MM’s rebellious attitude coaxes him into worse attitudes. AND... very much an oppurtunity for Gelorum to manipulate him once more, as the accelechargers are much more important to acquire, with multiple, we’d loop back again. in the end though! i could imagine the story would still bring in the same scenario- Markie gets taken by drones, Kurt saves him, they rekindle and Kurt also comes to realize he shouldnt give in to the ways he used to practice.

i think for AC, in order to find more interest in the characters,  a switch up with the teams would be neat. Markie and Kur swapping was always on my mind, but i have thought about Teku!Taro. I think it would’ve been cool to throw in an background guy from WR into MM... like Harrison Lau. some more familiar faces would bring interesting dyanmics considering their backgrounds. and it think it wouldve fleshed out the teams a bit more in places they lacked.

Another thing i think is clear is there is lots of unexplored potential. Like dyanmics i express with Markie, characters like Lani, Karma, Tork, etc... oh there is so much i would add for them. Karma has a weird thing with being mentioned to look like Gelorum, and her prefectionism too but it was never touched on. What if it caused conflict? What if it made her question their morals? Or with Tork- i would honestly just rewrite how he tackles Tone’s death and the resolution, that whole thing in movie was weird and messy and made no sense to me imo. Lanu had something going for her but she felt so disconnected from the WR characters in AC, which is a shame! oh there are so many to go over lol. i hope to tackle some of these loose ends in the fics i have in mind but yeah... there is so much to say about changing these characters!!

[mrobrotzly]

sometimes it feels like a blessing

for @geraskierhalloween

Magic + 5+1 + Knotting - 11k

Or 5 times Jaskier and Geralt could see the effect of magic on them and 1 time it took them a little to realize it.

One day, in the middle of spring, Geralt had a contract for some unknown creature and, obviously, failed to convince Jaskier to stay at the inn, it had been a decade since they met and Geralt was never good at getting the troubadour to obey any of his commands - even if they're to keep him out of harm's way.

Fortunately, the creature wasn't dangerous, a hybrid of several animals, but - 'cause it attacked him and almost hurt Jaskier (which was what most infuriated Geralt, if the creature hadn't come close to the bard, it would probably be alive now, but he would never say it out loud, obviously, it wasn't like he cared, was it?) - it's no longer breathing at the moment.

The problem was - and seriously, Geralt should have thought of it earlier - that hybrids don't just exist freely, they're created. And they're usually created by people who're mostly crazy and who're, even worse, mages.

"My poor Delilah!" the sorceress was in front of both of them, eyes shining with anger and unshed tears, she prepared to release her chaos, but Geralt drew his sword quickly, making her hesitate.

“You killed her! My own creation!" Geralt watched her carefully, she was clearly not someone with a sane mind "Do you know what it's like to love something, Witcher?” she spat out the last word, making a face of disgust "I don't think you know, shame!" she laughed a bitter and hysterical laugh "I would love to destroy everything you love."

Her growl made him clench his fist in the sword's hilt, unconsciously taking a step to the side, hiding the bard behind his body.

She raised her eyebrows, tilting her head to the side, watching him for a few seconds and smiling, a smile that made the Witcher felt an unpleasant feeling grow in his body.

"Pretty little thing you’ve there, uh?!" she purred and Geralt felt a growl rumbling in his chest “A bard? Would you play for me, dear?”

Jaskier stuttered, Geralt didn't need to look at him to know that his blue eyes were wide.

"Leave him out of this" he said firmly, his voice lower than usual.

She gave a cynical laugh.

"Why, Witcher?" and she tentatively took a step forward, Geralt clenched his teeth, his knuckles white for gripping the sword's hilt “Your pet for mine. It seems like a fair exchange…” she tried to move again, Geralt's body moved together to stop her “The things I would do to him…”

This time he snarled and the sorceress narrowed her eyes, anger returning to her face.

"Let's do it in the difficult way then."

And she raised her hands, sending a pulse of magic at the same time that Geralt casted Quen, protecting him and Jaskier, he could hear the bard's surprised gasp and the sorceress' disgruntled noise for not having succeeded in the spell.

He pushed Jaskier aside, behind the nearest tree, as he went towards the woman, she was good at dodging, but not attacking and her magic wasn’t powerful enough to hurt him badly - probably the power she has was only for breeding creatures and hybrids, not for battles.

She danced - and had no better word to describe what she was doing - around him and even without causing significant damage, he felt her chaos tiring him every time it came in contact with his skin, making him even more irritated 'cause it's delaying his movements.

She laughed, dodging a blow from the sword and snapping her fingers "In a moment the magic will fully affect you, Witcher, and you'll no longer be able to move."

"Not if I kill you first" he grunted and, honestly, he didn't want to have to kill anyone that day, he only accepted the contract 'cause it seemed easy, but of course Destiny would laugh at his face.

He dodged a spell, one of the weakest he has ever seen or feel and he would have laughed at it had it not been for the yelp he heard coming from behind him, the spell had chipped a piece of the wood.

"Jaskier!" he called, without taking his eyes off the enemy.

"I'm fine!" was the answer, but he didn't have time to feel relieved 'cause the sorceress moved her hands again, this time deliberately missing Geralt, trying to hit the tree protecting the bard.

"Your fight is with me!" Geralt grunted, sword passing very close to the woman's chest.

"I don’t think so" she laughed and moved quickly, now closer to where Jaskier was "Let's see if you'll like to feel what I'm feeling."

As she raised her arms he heard Jaskier choking, as if trying to breathe while someone tightened their hands around his neck and he felt his whole body go cold, memories of the moment when he saw the bard spitting blood, his purple and swollen throat and Geralt being unable to do anything to help him...

The only thing that kept him from being still and unable to react was the years of training on Kaer Morhen, the woman was focused on the spell, frowning and the Witcher realized it was a difficult spell for her, so it would be the perfect time for he to attack.

When she realized he was approaching it was too late, he already had half the blade of his sword buried in her stomach.

"You" she said, widening her eyes as he pushed the sword deeper, her arms falling limp beside his body "One day, Witcher, you'll lose everything" she whispered to him, laughing and looking at him hysterically “They're going to leave. And you'll be alone like you truly deserve” she tried to spat blood on his face before falling forward when he pulled the sword out of her body.

And on the ground, meters from where her creature was, the sorceress stayed.

"Are you alright?" a soft voice asked, Geralt turned, seeing Jaskier behind him, looking at him with concern.

"I should be the one asking you that" he said.

"I'm. Thanks to you” the bard smiled at him and something in Geralt's chest calmed down, he felt a wave of relief relaxing every part of his body as he looked at Jaskier.

That was until the bard widened his eyes and opened his mouth as if something was very wrong.

"What?" the grip on the sword's hilt tightened, he looked around.

"Geralt!" he exclaimed taking a step forward "Look at me."

The Witcher looked at the troubadour, frowning in confusion, the feeling getting worse when he saw a smile spread across Jaskier's face. Did some magic hit the bard and he's going crazy? Geralt frowned, feeling concern wash over him.

"Okay, this is amazing!" Jaskier laughed, delighted with something, his face lighting up in a way that made Geralt's chest warm and he didn't want to understand why.

"Bard" he said warningly.

"Oh, no, don't bard me" Jaskier pointed a finger at him, but was still smiling "This is fantastic, Geralt."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he started to get annoyed, Jaskier not going straight to the point getting on his nerves.

"Okay, okay" he raised his arms in surrender "No need to be angry."

"I'm not" maybe a little.

"Yes, you're, it's on your face" he gestured with his hand "literally, Geralt, your eyes are red."

He blinked, staring at Jaskier to make sure it wasn't a prank, if that was true it meant that magic had affected him in other ways besides physical tiredness. Was this the only side effect? Or would there be others?

“They're turning orange now... Look, I learned a lot at Oxenfurt and I'm very wise in several subjects, but, unfortunately, not the meaning of colors, so you've to tell me: what are you feeling, Geralt?”

"I don’t-"

"Don't what? Have feelings?” the bard laughed wryly "Come on, Geralt, I've known you for a decade! I know very well that you feel and how much you feel, well Yennefer is a proof of that.”

The Witcher pressed his lips at the mention of the sorceress, refusing to look away from Jaskier, the bard raised his eyebrows.

"Black?" he brought his face close and Geralt held his breath. "It wasn't what I was expecting when I mentioned her."

He felt the irritation build up again.

"I'm not an experiment for your fun, bard" He practically spat, turning and starting to walk towards the camp, sword, still stained with blood, in his hands. Jaskier sighed.

"Okay, I admit, it wasn't fair" he followed Geralt and maybe, just maybe, the Witcher was walking more slowly so the troubadour could catch up "But you can't blame me for being curious, I'm a bard, Geralt!"

He didn't answer either that or the dozens of other things Jaskier said before they got to the camp.

And it was a little uncomfortable to sit on the forest floor and clean his swords while the bard stared at him like that.

"How long do you think the spell will last?" he asked.

"I don't know, she wasn't a very good witch."

Jaskier laughed and he felt the sound melting all his annoyance, he frowned at it while cleaning the iron blade with a cloth.

"Don't you want to see?" Jaskier asked "You know... your eyes."

“Why would I? I can feel the magic, I don't need to see it to know it's here.”

The bard shrugged.

"I dont know. I always wanted to know what I would look like if my eyes were a different color, maybe green or brown.”

Geralt stopped what he was doing, lifting his head and looking at Jaskier's face. The first thing he thought was "why?"

Why change such beautiful blue? Blue that he adores to look at, that seemed to shine every time the bard smiled or performed in places where his music was appreciated, blue like an ocean that want to pull him, drown him and he knew he wouldn't try to resist these waves. Eyes so beautiful that with one look the bard have him in the palm of his hands. Eyes that, for some reason, now stared at him with delight.

"That's a beautiful color..." Jaskier whispered so sincerely, smiling in such a way that Geralt had to bend his head and watch his dim reflection on the blade.

And he saw pink, a light and soft pink.

He swallowed, suddenly wanting to run away from there.

The truth was that he knew the meaning of colors, he'd read about it in one of the books he found in Vesemir's personal collection when he was a boy and, thanks to whatever made his memory flawless, he remembered it very well.

He stood up turning his face away, hiding it from Jaskier and looking towards the forest.

"I'm going to get us dinner."

And left without waiting for an answer. Ignoring not only the confused look the bard had on his face, but also the felling that growed up in his chest, this would be just one more thing he would bury and try to forget.

(Continue to read on AO3)

♡ if you enjoy my work, you can support me & buy me a coffee ☕️

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Geralt x reader We're Married? Part 1

Hey guys, thank you so much for all the love for my other story! I was so nervous posting it and you guys were just the best💕 this story was harder to write and I'm not sure it's as good as the other one but I'm gonna post it anyway. 

This can be read as a part 3 to the injured reader story:)

Part 2 here

Pairing: Geralt x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, blood, mentions of death, mentions of past sexual abuse.

*********************

Out of all the places you'd traveled too with the witcher, this had to be one of the nicest.

As you walked through the kingdom known as Servia you couldn't help but stare at everything around you. Vendors lined the streets selling everything you could possibly imagine, shining jewelry, beautifully woven fabrics, and oooooooh well well well what do we have here!!!

You made a beeline for the tray of freshly baked pastries, a seductive look on your face,

"Well hello boys...which one of you wants to come home with me hehehe, or perhaps I should take you all home? Oooh your so bad hehe, well if you insist hahahahaha".

From afar Geralt sighed and Jaskier just looked on with disturbing confusion, "Geralt? What exactly is she doing?" His face twisted uncomfortablely as you continued talking and giggling like a maniac.

"She has a thing about....desserts" Geralt closed his eyes and shuddered as he remembered the one time he left you alone in an inn and you used up all of his coin to order one of literally everything on the menu. He practically had to roll you away afterwards.

"My God geralt shes scaring the baker now".

Jaskier scrunched his mouth as he watched you continue to whisper to the pastries, completely unaware of the weird looks people were giving you." I swear brothel whores are more subtle.."

Geralt grunted and made his way over to you, "We'll uh...take however much this will get us" he placed a coin in the bakers hand and watched your eyes glint like a maniac when he handed you the box.

"There now that you have your sweets, can we please hurry! We can't be late!" Jaskier pleaded pushing you in the correct path again.

"Alright alright no more stops I promise....wait does anyone else smell chocolate?" You look around frantically.

"NO" the both of them shout in unison and drag you forward.

"Ugh ok, I was just asking geez.."you pout.

"Remind me again who we're meeting?" You questioned, looking up at Jaskier who rolled his eyes back at you.

"Ugh how many times do I have to tell you?!"

"His name is Yavert, hes the advisor of the royal family here and he also happens to be the man who requested our help".

You nodded your head, "oh yes I remember now" ok you actually had no idea what he was talking about but whatever, you'll figure it out.

Some time later you found yourselves gawking at the massive architecture that was the Castle de Servia. Calling it massive would be doing it a disservice. The structure went higher than your eyes could see and wider than any other castle you've been to. "Holy fuck.." Jaskier whispered in awe.

Geralt shook his head as if he was already fed up with it all, "let's go"

The guards led you through the castle and into a small side room. Red carpets lined the floors along with a beautiful mahogany table. The walls had several portraits, obviously of the royal family. You saw an older man, a woman, and a young girl about your age all ornately painted. Hmm why do people always look so upset in portraits. Couldn't the artist just add a smile?

A creak at the door gained everyone's attention. A man, probably in his mid fifties, entered. He was balding and on the fluffier side, dressed in a puffy sleeved shirt, with a velvet red vest over it.

"Welcome, please, have a seat, you all must be tired from your jouney" he said gesturing to the chairs.

"You have no idea what a relief it is to have you here Geralt of Rivia" a look of exhaustion fell over face.

"So what's the job" Geralt asked, straight to the point as usual.

The man looked uncomfortable for a moment before he scooted closer and leaned in as if he was telling a secret,

"Well..our...problem, began a few weeks ago when the alliance between Targeris and our own kingdom was official. Since then there have been several banquets of celebration, as there are still many things being discussed and processed. One of those being the upcoming wedding of our Princess Annora and their Prince Edgrin. Hence the big celebration we are having this evening, an engagement party of sorts."

"And the problem?" Geralt cocked a brow.

The man swallowed before continuing, "Well..since the alliance, there have been disappearances..."

"Dissapearances?" You echoed interested.

"Important Servia officials have suddenly been going missing..the first on the night the kings signed the peace agreement, the second when the marriage was announced.. and then.." he looked around wearily and lowered his voice even more, "things have gotten much worse.."

"How exactly did they get worse" Geralt inquired, suspicious of how Yavert was acting.

"At the last party, about a week ago, one of our ambassadors was found dead.."

Geralt narrowed his eyes, "what aren't you saying.."

The man gulped, " it was the way he died, no man could have..." he paused closing his eyes, obvious memories making him shudder. "No man could have done it, it had to be a monster".

"How can you be so sure?" You asked leaning in now intrigued.

"The body..was so mangled we could barely identify the man. His innards were ripped out and his eyes...they were gone. Clearly it was the work of a beast."

Geralt narrowed his brows, "I have never encountered a monster before that hand picks their pray." You nodded in agreement.

All the monsters you'd faced just destroyed everything in their path. And why would a monster suddenly decide to start targeting officials from Servia? It just doesnt make any sense.

"Please witcher, help us with finding and slaying the creature and we will pay whatever means necessary" he placed a large pouch in front of us.

"Hmm" geralt thought for a few moments, then turned to you wordlessly asking your opinion. A new habit that did make you feel more like partners.

You shrugged your shoulders in a "why not?" Sort of way.

"Alright what the hell.." he grabbed the pouch and stood up.

"Wait, theres a few more things you need to know.." Geralt sat back down with a grunt.

"It is important that you are discreet, no one can know who you or your companions are, not even the king and queen themselves.."

"What?!" Your eyes widened.

"They dont know?" Geralt asked completely bewildered.

"I have advised the king and queen since they first began their reign many years ago. They trust me with their lives I would never lie to them...except..." he sighed and continued, "we have been at odds with targeris for so long, and finally peace is withing our grasp.

But if the king catches wind of what's going on, he will no doubt blame Targeris. Our king is good, but his fault lies with his hate for Targeris. It took much convincing from everyone to finally have the king agree to peace. But he would quickly jump to accuse them. I have no doubt a war would begin if this were to happen...for the sake of peace, they cannot know.." he looked down in shame.

"And the king just doesn't notice all these officials have gone missing?" Geralt shook his head in disbelief.

"Well...we have done our best to cover them up...but the king is getting suspicious, which is why we need to figure out what exactly is going on before anything else happens."

Everything about this job just seemed off. A monster who hand picks their prey, disappearing officials, and the king hasnt even the slightest idea?

"How are we supposed to find this monster without having our identities revealed?" You cocked your head in question.

"Ah yes well, I have prepared an airtight alias for the both of you, after all if you're going to fool people, you will need real identities"

"Fool people? Why cant we just stay in the shadows until something pops up?". Monster hunting in your experience was much easier when there weren't people around. Probably monster hunting rule #1.

"Unfortunately you would not be able to as the king has eyes and ears everywhere, it would not be long before youd be questioned and ultimately found out." Yavert explains.

"Alright.." you say hesitantly, "So how are we supposed to track the monster then?

"So far all the accidents have occurred during nightfall. By blending in as elite members of society, no one will question you as you move about, not even the royal family."

God this just keeps getting more confusing..

"So not only do we have to worry about finding a seemingly brilliant monster, but also worry about being found out?" Jaskier piped in for the first time this entire conversation.

"Yes that's correct.." he nodded slowly.

"Unfortunately I was only able to manage 2 identities, you will be known as Sir and Lady Trestin. A well known name, although the couple is known for not socializing so the risk of someone recognizing that you're not them is extremely low, here are your official invitations you will have to present at the door." He slid some documents our way.

"Wait I'm sorry did you say couple? As in couple of friends? Couple of siblings? Couple of cousins??" Surely he didnt mean-

"The lady and sir Tristan and husband and wife..is that a problem?" He questioned eyebrow raised.

"No of course not.." Um maybe a little! Sure I've fantasized about it before *cough* but now to actually act it out?? This was going to be an adventure for sure..

"What about me?" Jaskier pipes in again.

"You can be our dog" Geralt says not missing a beat.

"Oh that's low geralt" he recoils dramatically.

"How about servant boy?" You offer with a shrug.

"Do I have to?" He gives a puppy dog look to Yavert.

"I'm afraid it's the only way" Yavert smiled slightly.

"Alright, now then, this is the address you will go to for preperation my lady and for the sirs, you'll come with me" you all stood up and parted ways.

Geralt as your husband? This could actually be fun..

‐------------------------------------------------

"OUCH" you yelled for the thousandth time at the stupid woman who's mission was to tighten your corset until your eyes popped out.

"I'm sorry my lady but this must be done.." you sighed holding the wall for support.

"Especially a lady as...." she trailed off.

"Curvy as you.." did this bitch just?!?!

"You're job is to get me ready not tell me I've eaten too many sweets in my day" you rolled your eyes.

"Besides its nearing winter, I need the extra fluff for survival purposes"

"Well I think a little extra meat on a girl is highly attractive" a new voice chimed in.

"Jaskier? When did you get here?" You couldn't help out the small laugh when you truly got a good look at him. He wore the typical servants garb but his hair had been slicked back. He looked like a boiled egg.

"Don't you laugh too! I swear you and Geralt are so mean to me" he dejectedly sprawled himself out on a cushioned chair.

"Speaking of.." you looked at the door, "Where is he?"

"Hes still getting ready, a sir takes much longer than a mere servant." You laughed at his miserable tone.

"Oh lighten up Jaskier, servant boys have plenty of fun at these parties too, I'm sure some lady will see your puppy face and take you in" you smirked.

"Let's hope so.." another girl came in this time holding a few brightly colored dresses in her arms.

"Turn around boy" the older woman scolded.

"And you, arms up!" You complied as she slid the softest fabric you've ever felt over your body.

Your turned to look at the mirror, "Eww gross no way, Jaskier look! I'm a pineapple!" You both laughed annoying the girls. "Alright next!"

*insert shopping montage with corny music here*

"This one?"

Nods head

Next!

Both nod heads

Maybe? Actually nevermind..

No

No

No

Next

Eww what even is this color barf in the spring??

No

WAIT! HELL YES!

Jaskier nods in agreement.

*Montage ends*

An hour later you were ready, the beautuful _____ colored gown was the perfect shape on your body. It wasnt like most of the boring dresses you had tried on. And you decided to ditch the corset..

"It isnt proper!" One scolded.

"But you have to admit, it's a hell of alot sexier.." Jaskier nodded looking over me.

"Plus I can actually breathe!" And besides how were you supposed to fight monsters if you couldn't move? You left that part out obviously.

The girls just shook their heads in exasperation and finished up your hair and make up in another room.

"There now you're ready" the ladies smiled in satisfaction and left. You thanked them and made your way out to where Jaskier was.

His eyes lit up when he saw you, "Y/n! You look amazing! Although you always look beautiful" he smirked taking your arm.

"Thank you Jaskier, after everything those ladies put me through I better look like a fucking goddess" you both laughed remembering how he had to hold you down while they waxed your legs.

Together you left the shop and you swore for a moment you forgot how to breathe. Now Geralt in full body armor is one thing, but princely Geralt? Well your dreams were Surely going to be wild tonight. Never had you seen the witcher so finely pressed before. It was very...refreshing.

His gaze rose as he finally noticed the two of you. You forgot how to breathe when he looked over you. "Well? What do you think?" You asked a little embarrassed.

"Well...no one will be questioning who you are when you're looking like that" the corner of his lips rose slighty and he stepped to the side, gesturing us into the waiting carriage.

That was a compliment right?? He meant like because you look so beautiful so one is going to ask questions right? Not, well you look like a snooty aristocrat so no one will question???? Ok I'm going with the first one. Stop overthinking geez.

The ride to the castle was quick and soon you were arm in arm with your "husband".

"Come along boy, don't dawdle" geralt teased behind him.

"Dont be mean" you lightly shoved him but couldn't help but laugh as well.

"What great friends I have.."he mumbled....

******************

Ok so that's part 1, lemme know if it's any good. Also I'm kinda new to this so I don’t know the tagging etiquette lol so I just tagged whoever asked. Also part 2 will be uploaded tonight too as soon as I finish editing xoxo 

@marvels-gurl @shane-isa-shame @waitingtobeimpressed @viking-raider @dream-alittlebiggerdarling

[literalbuzzkill]

Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[fairycosmos]

I want to say....ive been the most lonely this year after my closest family member died and then my closest friend left me after. Ive been beyond strong and forcing myself to stay active and involved in others lives....but it feels like im wedging myself in. They have partners. They have best friends. They have family. Im just there when i nag them enough to spend time with me. Dunno how to ever feel better about that but i guess it beats feeling lonely AND being alone.

oh god i’m so sorry to hear that love, it really goes beyond imagination or comprehension 😔 it seems like you’ve been through so much and the fact that you were able to maintain relationships with others to any extent is something you should be so proud of. you’re right, you’ve been unbelievably resilient, and it speaks to your character to the highest degree. obviously i have a very distant and one dimensional view of you and your life, and i have no idea what it’s like to be in in your shoes, so i’m just thinking out loud here, but...it seems to me, based on this, that you’re still (understandably) in quite a strong state of grief. you can’t quite wrap your head around the hole that has been left in your life and so you feel empty when other cant fill that void. at least that’s just the initial impression i got, i could be totally wrong. but it’s true that when we’re going through such high levels of emotional turmoil we often want to find any excuse to isolate ourselves so we can just say fuck it, and i feel as though your brain may be trying to do that to you right now. it wants you to feel meaningless so it feeds you this false narrative about how ‘unwanted’ you are, despite evidence of the contrary. try to recenter yourself and hold onto a sense of rationality when possible. the presence of best friends/partners/family in other peoples lives doesn’t mean that they don’t treasure what you specifically bring to the table. no one can take your place. it doesn’t mean they don’t carry love for you too, you know? it’d be easy to believe otherwise - if you push them away, you can’t get hurt. but i really want to urge you to examine where this feeling of exclusion is coming from, whether it’s from within or an actual external source. has anyone in your life done or said anything which indicated that they don’t want to spend time with you? or could it possibly be a projection born from your own fear and insecurities? if that is the case, by the way, i want to make it clear that i’m not blaming you for it at all. i mean, i’m exactly the same way. i just think it’s a good first step to be able to identify that that is what’s going on. it’s kind of a general rule that ppl wouldn’t choose to be around you if they didn’t want to be, and the pain you’re feeling right now doesn’t change that fact. i understand wanting to come first to somebody and wanting to feel like a priority. it’s a very human desire and you absolutely deserve to experience that. and i dont doubt that you will, over and over again in your future. it’s really not as impossible it seems in this moment. you’re more than worthy. but i think it’s still healthy to be able to appreciate all of the different dynamics you have with those in your life, and all of the different ways that they show you appreciation and affection. cause even if it’s not overt, it’s still there. you still matter, more than you know. have you been able to seek any support for dealing with the loss of your family member? i know we’re all in quarantine right now, and things aren’t exactly ideal, but i really want you to know that you’re not alone. and that you don’t have to try to handle this as if you are. there are a lot of counselors, therapists and mental health professionals who are still offering online appointments, and if you’re worried about money they’re usually open to negotiating a price. there are also a lot of online communities that can offer you suggestions in terms of how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, and detailed accounts of other peoples experiences. if that feels like too much - there’s even the option of calling a mental health hotline and just working through your options with them so you have an idea of where to go from here. death is one of the hardest things in the world to come to terms with and there’s no rule book or deadline, so it’s normal to need help in processing the denial, the anger, the acceptance etc. maybe focusing on taking care of that part of you will enable you to get to a place where you can be more vulnerable with the ppl around you. in turn, making you feel closer to them. it really seems like you’re in a difficult place right now so i appreciate that this all probably seems far fetched or overwhelming, but i’m just asking you to start with yourself and your own needs first and foremost, as it’ll likely have a domino effect on how you feel about others. it’s ok to talk about what’s going on in your head. it’s ok to admit to the shame/hurt/sadness because then you can start examining where it’s coming from and whether or not your emotions are truthful. whether that’s to a friend, your doctor, a family member, even just to a diary at first - it all counts. you’re making so much more progress than you can see, i promise. not every day has to be a good one, but simply surviving and keeping in contact with those you love and care for is going to do wonders for your future self, seriously. i’m so sorry the world has been so cruel to you and i really hope you know that you’re supposed to be here and you’re supposed to be loved. if you can’t believe that right now, it’s not because it’s not true, it’s cause you’re hurting too much to see it. if you need a friend or if you want to discuss this more openly, i’ll be here. i’m sending you so much love and strength. take care.