I like the general fandom trend to just take the plot of Hyrule Warriors as a loose guideline at best and just use the whole concept as a good excuse to get blorbos to interact across timelines, BUT I'm very disappointed that everyone is missing the comedic potential of a very specific squad of characters:
Young Link (aka Mask), who walks out of the nightmare of Majora's Mask and immediately gets portal kidnapped into a temporal war, takes one look at the whole mess and decides that you could not fucking pay him to admit to being the resident expert on Time Shenanigans. He introduces himself with the title of Hero of Termina, and definitely doesn't have any other ones, that would be crazy. Hero of Time? Never heard of him.
Tetra, who is a kickass pirate captain with zero patience for people trying to shove her into the Designated Princess role, and realizes immediately that Oh Fuck, this Hyrule has a lot of Ideas about how the Hero and the Princess are supposed to properly play their parts, the second they realize she's technically a Zelda they're gonna shove her in a goddamn dress and damsel her again, that's not happening. So she's definitely just a really cool pirate captain, nothing else going on here at all, definitely not the heir of the Hylian royal family in her time, that'd be crazy.
Ravio, who is literally just a palette swapped Link, meaning that the second his hood comes off, things are gonna get Awkward. There's no way in hell he's dealing with all that Hero baggage, that's Link work, so that giant bunny hood/mask is practically superglued to his head, and he's not taking it off for love or money.
Spirit Tracks Zelda, who is just in the Phantom Armour the whole time, and passing herself off as just a friendly ghost posessing a suit of armour to help the Hero of Spirits. Of course she isn't Princess Zelda, that's ridiculous, if she were a Zelda then people would start getting really weird about her technically being dead, and boy does that ever sound like a whole Thing she doesn't want to deal with, so she can't possibly be Zelda, she's just a nice ghost knight. Also, her teenage grandma is here, and that's kinda weird, so it's easier to just not admit to being royalty and avoid that awkward conversation.
Finally there's Sheik, who is not the Princess Zelda of the era straight up abandoning her war torn country for months at a time so she can risk her life in extreme cosplay for no clear reason, but is instead the actual Sheik from Ocarina of Time, who just beat Ganondorf like a month ago and is still trying to process what the fuck to do now. Also, he's been pretending to be a boy since he was ten, and is realizing there's a pretty good chance that he isn't pretending anymore, so that's a whole other can of worms. But for the last seven years of his life, being Princess Zelda meant certain death, so he's not really inclined to introduce himself like when in a new and stressful situation (not to mention he might actually just not be a girl named Zelda anymore), so he automatically introduces himself as just Sheik the spooky ninja man, and fuck he's in too deep to back out now, looks like he's committing to the bit. If you think you sense the Triforce of Wisdom on him, no you don't.
Cue shenanigans as the five of them attempt to hide that they're all actually kind of A Big Deal. The group motto is "Nobody says shit", which is usually delivered as a frantic hiss whenever someone slips up. Just the reunion between Sheik and Mask alone would be absolutely buckwild given how they parted, and how they're both frantically pretending to Not be involved with each other. For added hilarity and/or drama, Sheik gives his semi-bullshit cover story of having just been a friend of the Hero of Time, then runs into said Hero of Time and they both have to desperately pretend not to know each other, because if anyone picks up on the mountain of baggage between them then Mask is busted, and he won't hesitate to drag Sheik down with him out of sheer spite. Not to mention the weird balance of Sheik being used to this Link being a teenager that's actually a small child, and now has to adjust to Link who is a small child that's actually a teenager.
Also, i really feel like we're all missing out on the comedy potential of Ganondorf recognizing Young Link on sight and the two of them immediately launching into a grudge match with some extremely personal and specific insults on both sides. Meanwhile literally everybody else is just standing there watching, trying to process the fact that out of every single person that's been pulled out of time, Ganondorf only has personal beef with a literal nine year old.
I just feel like we're all really sleeping on the potential for Shenanigans here. The whole thing is an absurd mess, why not have some fun with it?
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and just like clockwork twitter and tiktok “swifties” are already doing the 2 things they always do when a new re-recording comes out
1. “she didn’t breathe the same here in (any song) i’m just going to stream the stolen 😡😡”
2. “there’s no way she wrote (any vault track) back in (insert year) she has to have written them post midnights and is lying 🙄”
it literally was never about “improving” or “botching” the album it’s about her owning her work hasn’t she made it clear enough…?
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okay so i was thinking of a joke earlier about how in DPDC Amity Park's slogan "a great place to live" is not only city propaganda but also the city lording it over the rest of America for being normal. But then I remembered that, despite how many DCU Cities with heroes in it there are, the amount of cities in America without heroes still far outnumber the amount of cities in America WITH heroes.
So I did a little digging so the joke would still land. Something most heroes have in common is that they operate in major cities. What makes a major city? I found that the general consensus is that the population is roughly over or around a million. THEN I looked up the populations of cities in the DCU that I thought of off the top of my head. So Gotham, Metropolis, Starling City, Central City, Jump City. All of them ranked up to millions in population (most of them were in the tens of millions).
Amity Park's wikipedia describes it as being similar to specifically Philadelphia, Chicago, and San Francisco.
Philadelphia's Population: 1.576 million as of 2021
Chicago's Population: 2.697 million as of 2021
San Francisco: 815,201 as of 2021
Whiiich means that Amity Park if we take that from canon, is probably a major city. There are approximately 19,000 cities in America with probably less than a hundred that are major cities. Adding the DCU major cities wouldn't skew the data too much.
Which MEANS that I can make the joke that Amity Park's "great place to live" is not only just typical city propaganda, but also its Amity Park lording it over the other major cities for being one of the only major cities that doesn't have problems bad enough to warrant a superhero or a vigilante. Cue stage left the Fentons and Phantom :)
Amity Parkers were probably SO proud that they didn't need a superhero. They didn't have to worry about things like 'world ending threats' and 'super-powered individuals' and 'staggering property damage'. And then enter Fentons.
It also could be used as an excuse for why nobody took notice to Amity Park getting ghosts if folks like me aren't huge fans of the notion of a media blackout via Tucker, Technus, or the US Government. Or if you want to keep Amity Park as its urban city self. Amity Park's news on ghosts gets drowned out in a week because there's news on more popular, well-known cities going on every other day. The shit going on in Amity Park is every other major city's regular Tuesday and it gets filtered as such.
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au where hypno is a demon!
the human xb summons him not to sell his soul but with a business deal, see, demonic deals work that its a soul in exchange for whatever you want, not necessarily your own soul, but a soul. hypno cannot interact with people except his summoner, but xb can run a business where he asks for “harmless” IOUs from people, getting them to sign a piece of paper which is actually a contract for possession of your soul. since xb is a regular human, it would mean nothing, but with hypno’s help it’s magically binding and they enter a mutually beneficial deal where hypno gets a ridiculous amount of souls and xb is given what he wants by hypno.
their partnership starts off solely as a business one, but as time goes on, they grow closer and also begin to care about the business that was just supposed to be a front for them to gain souls, and once xb gets the power and wealth he originally wanted, they focus their efforts on growing Horsehead Farms as a company. they advertise themselves as a “safer” alternative than dealing directly with demons, giving people whatever they want in exchange for an IOU - not a real soul (it is their real soul, but they don’t tell them that). they manage to become a major competitor to all of hell. since it has a human head of the company, people assume it is more trustworthy. xb and hypno engage in all sorts of evil capitalistic ventures
eventually hypno gets kicked out of hell, a feat no-one thought possible, for ruining every other demons’ livelihood, and is reincarnated into a regular human. xb is investigated by officials due to the scammy and dangerous nature of Horsehead Farms, and in an epic car chase where xb tries to escape, he crashes and dies. for all the human lives he’s ruined by stealing souls, he is sent to hell and becomes a demon. they find eachother, and seeing how there’s still one human and one demon overall, they see no reason to not start their business again
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Randomly because I’m thinking about it, one thing I think is interesting about the Ancients’ designs is that Golden Cheese, Dark Cacao and Hollyberry all have eye colors that match the colors of their Soul Jam. Meanwhile, White Lily’s don’t reflect her Soul Jam’s color, and she ended up becoming Dark Enchantress
But then we have Pure Vanilla, who has one eye that matches his Soul Jam, and one that doesn’t
I’d argue that this could have a meaning of him being somewhere in the middle, or having to struggle between, but I’m pretty sure nothing like this will end up actually happening with him
But I mean, it’s an interesting detail
Actually you know what, while we’re speaking of Pure Vanilla’s design, he’s weird from the other Ancients in other ways too
Most obviously, his color scheme doesn’t match his Soul Jam whatsoever, unlike the rest of the Ancients. I mean sure, Dark Cacao’s color scheme has a lot of greys, but they’re purple tinted greys, and he does still have purples in his cape. But Pure Vanilla is made up predominantly of yellows with some white and brown, while his Soul Jam is blue
Granted I don’t think that’s an intentional character thing. I think it’s just because they had two Ancients with predominantly yellow color schemes, both of which couldn’t really change too much since that’s what their ingredients typically are, so one of them had to get a different colored gem if they wanted all the Soul Jams to be distinct in color. And you can’t really make blue the predominant color in a vanilla based Cookie, that just wouldn’t make sense. I mean sure, cacao isn’t really purple, but Dark Cacao has the black hair, and his purple leans more on the warm color side, which cacao usually is, so it isn’t as ludicrous a difference
I mean maybe they could have made his Soul Jam a reddish brown or white like Mystic Flour’s, but that’d break with the color schemes of the other Soul Jams, which are all bright, vibrant colors
And then aside from his color scheme, another thing I noticed is that the shape of his Soul Jam doesn’t really feature anywhere else in his design. Everyone else has this to some extent, with Dark Cacao’s diamond shoulder pads and crown, Hollyberry and Golden Cheese’s heart and triangle patterns, and even White Lily in that her dress is like an upside down fleur de lis. Pure Vanilla meanwhile, doesn’t really have the club anywhere
I can’t really give an explanation as to why, other than maybe the club symbol being hard to incorporate, but they were able to put White Lily’s symbol at least somewhere else on her design
Sorry, this pivoted after the first point, but I just wanted to add on more observations I made
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