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ghostbeam · 6 months

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i want to know about the ozspike lore 💢💢💢‼️‼️‼️

I would die for all of u pls know this I’m gonna use this as like the general lore so pls bear with me I’m insane

SO spikeoz has a very long and complicated history lots of coming together and not seeing each other for a while and coming together again and also we are the song steamroller by Phoebe Bridgers okay thank u🫡

What u first must know about us is that Spike meets me before he meets any of the other members of the bebop (which strei asked how we met so I’m gonna go into that in a different ask ajsjsjsjsj) but this is kind of the reason our dynamic is the way it is because I meet him at a very big transition period in his life and he meets me when I am at a standstill

Another thing about Spike is that he is in love with Julia which is kind of why we are the slowest of burns she is a big thing for him and also something I don’t want to push aside and I also won’t let him push aside either. I want him to be completely moved on and not dwelling on his past when we finally get together which causes a lot of frustration for Spike.

I won’t go into the whole process of me joining the bebop in this ask but I basically get injured and Spike brings me back so that Jet can look at me and I end up having to recover on board which leads to me just moving in and no one really knows when it happened (much like the other members) but I’m there now and honestly I fucking love it I’ve never felt more at home ANYWHERE which is incredibly tragic if u know how bebop ends</3

So now I’m seeing Spike every day which is terrible for me (girl who has been in love with him since the moment I saw him and his stupid hair) but kind of great for him (guy who sort of can’t stop thinking of me and also needs to get over the woman who left him to run away by himself all those years ago) which yayyyy the dynamic is kind of not good™️ because why is spike thinking of me as some sort of rebound a little bit no!!! I will not have that!!!!

Spike has always been charming and flirty but he is sort of amping it up now that I live with him and I’ll be honest I am weak!!!!! The tension is too much our attraction is growing I can only resist for so long!!!! So obviously he finds me trying to find something to eat at 3am and sneaks up on me and makes me scream loud enough to wake everyone up except he covers my mouth and now I’m pressed against him and 😳😳😳 and spike is so cute in his pajamas and messy hair and he looks down at me like!!!!! Like he wants to eat me!!!!! And so we kiss in the middle of the night and then I run away and I don’t talk to him about it for like weeks and he keeps trying to get me alone but I won’t deal with it until Jet sends us off together to get info for a bounty and then we have to talk about it

And he is basically just like I want to be with u but I tell him we can’t until he lets go of Julia which honestly pisses him off because he really thinks he has but hasn’t and I know he’s not over her and he’s just like if u don’t want me u don’t have to make up an excuse just say it and like that kinda drives a wedge between us for a bit

But unfortunately I am right about him not being over her bc the events of Jupiter jazz parts 1 & 2 happen where Ed finds something w the code name “Julia” on her computer and Spike jumps up to chase after it immediately and so urgently that he doesn’t even think twice about it and when Jet and I follow him out to the hanger to argue w him about going and he and Jet get into that fight Jet storms off and Spike looks at me and he knows I was right about Julia but he doesn’t say anything and flies off and so the events of the episodes happen and Faye is found and everything and Spike isn’t any closer to finding Julia but the night he gets back he slips into my bed and is kind of just like pls just let me lay here with u and I’m a sucker so I obviously do

And we don’t talk about it but it starts a new habit of the two of us doing that staying the night in each others rooms and the lines of our relationship are more blurred than ever and honestly it scares the hell out of me which ends in me leaving the bebop and I’m on my own for a bit except spike has had Ed track me down for the months I’ve left so he knows exactly where I’ve been and I only return during the ep pierrot le fou bc Faye makes me come back bc spike goes after that dude alone and super injured and will probably die so I go w her to help and she’s one of the reasons I stay the second time bc Faye does not express any feeling of want or need towards anyone and she doesn’t really express it to me but she’s kind of just like this lunkhead keeps almost dying now that ur gone and ur the only one who can do my nails without getting polish all over the sides so I think u should move back

And so I do and god I can’t believe how long this is but U GUYS ASKED!!!!! So I come back and Spike kind of avoids me the first couple of weeks until he finally snaps and is just like this is fucking stupid I love u and u love me and that should be enough!!!! And at this point I cannot keep pushing me away because!!! He said he loves me!!! And he does!!!!! And so we do give it a shot and it’s really fucking good until. Until the real folk blues and he’s leaving to go end vicious and I’m like screaming at him trying to get him to stay and he’s kind of just like YOU said we weren’t gonna work until I let go of this but now he’s going somewhere that he most certainly will die and I’m selfish and I’m telling him that I don’t care about any of it anymore and he like cannot promise me he’ll come back for me even tho I’m begging him to because he knows he probably isn’t coming back alive and I’m defeated obviously cause he’s never gonna listen to me and so all I can do is hug him and tell him I’ll see him when he gets back🫶

#and does he come back??????? idk❤️I don’t fucking KNOW!!!!!#okay sorry this is so long like oh my god is she okay?? (no)#I’m just really obsessed w him and this show and I absolutely inserted myself in there #this is actually maybe one of the only selfships I have where I stick this closely to canon #bc I respect the story so much I can’t change things I CANT!!!!#okay thank u guys for asking I love u all so so much #ask #mutuals!#spikeoz

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irondeficiencyqueen · 1 month

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30 day thinspo challenge

but I do it all in one day as a distraction🌸

1. I’m 22yrs, 170cm, f, 63/64kg.

2. 170cm, no I feel too tall. Would love to be a tiny girl, but was cursed with long legs.

3. Nah too lazy but like her ➡️🩻💀

4. Losing hair or my period..

5. I’m doing it for 13 year old me who got teased at school for being bigger. I have always felt picked on because of it. Right now I am also preparing for a bikini fitness show so I have to hit 10% bodyfat.

6. Yes, because I get stressed. I have BED. Food has always been comfort for me ever since I was a kid.

7. They know, and they praised it for a bit, but now they want me to stop. They are worried<3 makes me feel so validated

8. 5 days a week I do strength training, and 7 days a week I do 1 hour of cardio.

9. YES.

«I can’t carry you you’re too fat»

«Are you really gonna eat that? I think you have had too much already»

«I can carry her, but you have to walk yourself, you’re too big»

«You eat so much»

«You always eat everything by yourself, why are you not saving any for me??»

«I’m worried about your weight» said my 40kg bestfriend😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

10. Well nothing because I fucking suck and binge and purge. And chew and spit. But on the days where I’m on track, I’m really missing chocolate and cookies.

11. None rn, bc I just hopped back on Tumblr this month.

12. Breakfast is yoghurt with berries, lunch/dinner is chicken and veggies, and for the evening we got yoghurt and berries again. Total of 1200-1300 cals ish

13. Unhealthy lol

14. 53kg. I want one of my gws (55kg) by 21st of September, so hopefully 28th?

15. Not vegan, not vegetarian. I was pescetarian for a couple months, but it is unsustainable for me. I need balance and meat.

16. It started when I was 13, and it got pretty bad up until like 15 or so.. Then I kinda recovered, still hated my body, just didn’t starve. And I’ve been on and off ana. Mia is back too this time.

17. No just a big fan of the community💀BRO WHAT DO U THINK HAGAGAHAH, yes.

18. Chocolate and cookies.

19. 9 hours ago. (Fasting rn)

20. Calorie deficit ahahah I don’t follow diets. I am a nutritionist, so I know how this works🤌

21. Eu sizes XS-S (36) in pants, S in tops.

22. My lw doesn’t count as I was still growing in puberty at the time, but then I was 55kg. Gained mainly bc of birth control pills, but also giving up ana.

23. I’m an influencer so, yeah🥹I am very self conscious of everything I post.

24. I don’t promote anything, and I want people to get better ofc. However, I think it’s nice that we all have this together, so we don’t feel so alone <3

25. Yes. Can’t remember my first time. Been a lot of times🥲but it used to be very painful.

26. Being HER 🤌The satisfaction of finally getting to my goal after years and years of pain. Being picked up without being embarassed. Looking classy, all clothes look good, people envy me, wondering how I did it.

27. Anxious and scared

28. Yes because it gets sweaty and I feel nasty when they rub together

29. Me when I hit 53kg. Like literally I’m not trying to come off as a narcissist or anything, but I KNOW, that I am so pretty. I just need to lose a bit of weight and I’ll be her.

30. Scared to drop too specific facts in case someone recognize me.. but I like pink! I want to move to a warm country like Thailand or Bali. I am a liar to the people closest to me, because of this ed and sa. I believe I am a good person for the most part and I have good intentions in my heart always, I’ll forever be a girls girl. I love animals. I love soft feminine music but also listen to heavy metal. I don’t know who I am. I feel like I have two people in my head who are two different personalities.

Thanks for reading <3

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cherriko-art · 6 months

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I just want to thank the Tumblr community from the bottom of my heart for helping me find joy in drawing again. For helping me find art a little less scary with every comment I get. And to remind people, once again, how much of an impact positive engagement has for creators, no matter how small or big.

Long, midnight ramble on my struggles with art below.

Late night thoughts, but lately my motivation for drawing has been rekindled as a way to release the brain rot on the fandoms and games I've loved recently. I lost my love for art for a really, really long time and for someone who's been drawing since I could pick up a pencil, and has identified as an artist my entire life, literally witnessing myself lose my love for art and drawing has been a really painful process. Especially since it happened over a relatively short period of time. Over 20 years of loving and creating art, only to be extinguished in just a small period of 2 years. When I came to a sudden realization that I hated drawing, I mourned over it for a really long time. I missed the joy I got from drawing, the pride in my art, the passion to learn and hone my skills. I used to think I could never imagine a future where I wasn't constantly thinking about the next thing I wanted to draw, but now I am living that future. Art is never on my mind anymore. I try to draw and I become filled with anxiety and dread. There's not a single thought about picking up my pencil and creating. The only things I had drawn in the last 4 years were for zines and it felt like work, not joy. Drawing felt like a job, and it stopped being the center of my universe. I stopped being active on social media, bc I was only on here for art. But even looking at other people's art left a bitter taste, and I didn't want to look at any of it anymore. Several times over the last few years I've tried to rekindle my love for art, tried starting small again. But it always fizzled out quickly, and I'd abandon it again. Sometimes I scroll through my Instagram and it hurts to look at, because I distinctly remember how much joy I got from drawing every single piece, what my thought process was, and how excited I felt in creating. It's been so long since I've felt happiness in drawing.

Lately, I've drawn some things bc my emotions for the brain rots in my head were Too Big and I couldn't think of releasing these big emotions in anything other than what I know. In art. I just drew something, didn't think too hard abt it, and posted them. Like barfing your overwhelming feelings on paper then throwing it away. But the engagement I've gotten on these emotional-dump drawings have been so wonderful, no matter how small or big, and it's made me so happy. Very specifically from Tumblr. Tumblr has reminded me what it's like to actually interact with fandoms again. Instagram/Twitter/etc has become such a competitive platform for content creators, that any sense of (the minimal) community and fandom interactions have been completely wiped out. But Tumblr has stayed true to it's roots through all these years and never have I been more grateful.

For the first time in years, I'm excited to draw again. I actually want to draw. I finished multiple drawings in the last 2 weeks, more than I have in years. Instead of feeling numb and exhausted after drawing like I had been, I'm actually filled with adrenaline and excitement to draw more. I'm excited to participate in fandoms again, engage in communities. This is all because other people's positive engagements on my little drawings have motivated me to draw more.

Drawing has become a very daunting, anxiety-filled, unpleasant experience for me. I lost my love for art years ago. But the positive engagement in my recent art has pushed away some of that anxiety, and it's becoming increasingly easier for me to pick up that pencil again. Drawing is starting to feel fun again. I don't know how long this will last, if it will fizzle out like it has time and time again. I don't know if art will turn back into the Big, Bad Monster again. But for now, I'm just relishing in the feeling of art feeling like freedom again. And I have the Tumblr community to thank for that.

So for everyone on here, thank you.

#cherry rambles #midnight thoughts #in ND terms art has been my special interest my whole life then some bad experiences ended up with art causing me a ton of anxiety and drea #since art became a trigger for negative emotions my brain switched off its interest in it #bc art was no longer a source of dopamine #then all of a sudden a life-long special interest fizzled out instantly into dust #anything related to art became dust in my mind #i had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever #and that hurt more than anything #bc no matter how hard I tried I couldn't rekindle that joy in drawing anymore #adhd peeps if ykyk #but after a few positive interactions on my recent art my brain has now latched on again it is SO happy #and now all I wanna do is draw??? bc its giving dopamine again??? all of a sudden my brain is like HELL YEAH ART!!#and god its like I can /breathe/ again for the first time in years #I feel like ME again - the person that loves art

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sasshomaru · 1 year

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it’s been a while since i’ve posted here but it’s bc i’ve been really stressed out and busy with doctor’s appointments. im completely fine, these appointments are so that i could get approved for breast reduction surgery. im so excited to have my surgery on the 21st 💜

more on my pure happiness and euphoria on getting my tig ol bitties chopped off~

i hit puberty when i was 9 and had to start wearing a bra. i got my first period a few weeks after my 10th birthday. i was unfortunately born with low density breasts, which means that instead of being fibrous or muscley, they’re just basically pure sacks of fat.(for more context, people lose breast density as they age, which is why old women have very saggy, flabby, and fatty breasts — compared with young women who have higher breast density and therefore perkier breasts. when i say that i “had to” wear a bra when i was 9, i mean that they would literally flop and bounce around like an anime girl’s boobs if i didn’t wear one.) this also means that no matter how much weight i lose, i will (genetically) ALWAYS have huge boobs, because i was basically genetically dispositioned to have saggy, fatty, and heavy breasts.

having huge boobs that hung past the bottom of my ribcage meant that i couldn’t do sports or even do cardio exercise even if i wanted to. hell, i couldn’t even jump once without feeling discomfort, not just physically, but wondering if someone was watching me and ogling or laughing at me. it meant that i would always wear baggy clothes because anytime i wore tight clothes — even if my shirt or dress wasn’t lowcut at all — because people, especially men, would stare at me. i’ve had to wear exclusively binders and sports bras even while just going out to lunch with my friends because my breasts are so fucking disproportionate that not only can i not fit into most clothes without some kind of binder, but also because of the unwanted attention mentioned above.

(TW for this paragraph: eating disorders, fat shaming, weight loss.) ~~~ this part could be a whole new post but… additionally, i was often pressured and even forced to diet starting when i was 9, right when i hit puberty. i was told constantly that i was fat and that i needed to lose weight “in order to be healthy.” the worst part is that i believed this: that i was fat, and therefore undesirable and ugly and not worthy of any attention or love. this led to very low self worth and eventually an eating disorder when i was 16. i’ve since started weight training and now i realize… i could lose maybe 20-30 pounds, but im not fat. what makes me look fatter than i really am is my chest. having breasts that hang down to my ribcage without a bra — or having them push out about the same distance with a bra on — means that i always look basically 20 lbs heavier than i really am. i’ve spoken with a personal trainer abt it who had breast implants years ago, and she said that she regrets having breast implants bc they make her look fatter than she really is. to think that i had so much emotional pain — starving myself, crying over how i couldn’t eat ice cream on my birthday, obsessing over calories and weight loss — was mostly because of my breasts is, paradoxically, infuriating and relieving at the same time. it’s infuriating to think that my parents and family shamed me over something i couldn’t control, but it’s a relief that now i DO have control, and i can remove this part of my body not for the sake of weight loss, but for my physical and mental health.

with my surgery less than 2 weeks away, i could cry with relief now. i know the surgery will be intense and that the recovery will be tough, but i will finally be able to be FREE. i will finally be able to jump, run, and start exercising (because i really cannot do any form of cardio rn unless it’s swimming, which would require access to a pool which i don’t have lol plus the horrors of putting on a swimsuit). i will be able to wear clothes that are the actual size of my body, not just the size of my chest.

im really nervous for surgery as i’ve never had surgery before and i don’t know fully what to expect, but im so excited to finally be able to LIVE. 💜💜💜

#ray ray cray cray

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brunchbitch · 2 years

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Update of sorts

Just got through my first week of classes (second to last semester!) and I’m not crazy about 2 out of 3 professors, but oh well. All of them seem like hard asses and tough graders so that’ll be interesting. I’m jealous that so many of my classmates are graduating in May but the trade off was a much more manageable fall schedule. Idk.

I’ve been doing well-ish with cutting down on weed. A couple weeks ago right after the new year I tried to go back to my schedule of no weed during the week (well… really just Tuesday through Thursday lmao) but I had AWFUL trauma dreams and it really affected my mood. So last week I didn’t do as well, though definitely less smoking in the week. This week I took edibles Tuesday night bc I wanted to make sure I would sleep well before my internship, but I didn’t have anything Wednesday or Thursday night. I had some fucked up weird dreams for sure BUT they weren’t directly trauma related so definitely easier to handle. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge but I’m hoping I’ll get used to this schedule and it’ll just become second nature.

Therapy with B is good - we’re now switching to every other week! NEVER thought I wouldn’t be in weekly therapy!! I was worried my behaviors would escalate bc I’m scared of “getting better” and being seen as not sick, but so far so good and it’s helpful to be aware of it.

My parents are coming out next weekend and my mom and I are going wedding dress shopping!!!! Crazy!!!! But we still have 554 days until the wedding so I have plenty of time. This will be more to get a sense of what styles/silhouettes I like. It’s gonna be surreal to look in the mirror with a wedding dress on. Hoping my mom isn’t too opinionated if we disagree lol.

I can’t remember if I have said this on here yet but A and I have decided to move to Seattle in august! I’m soooo excited but also nervous to be close to my family again. A also feels conflicted about it but we’ll take it one day at a time and it doesn’t necessarily need to be permanent. It feels a little silly career wise to leave Boston which is a city with such amazing hospitals and go to Seattle which has one level one trauma center, but I might want to work in a specialized outpatient clinic anyway. I would NOT want to work in an ED so maybe it doesn’t really matter. I think it would be really cool to be a medical social worker in an outpatient cancer clinic working with young adults, though I know that’s very specific and I’m not sure exactly what’s available out there. I’ve started to look at jobs just to get a sense, but obviously I’ll have to study for and pass my licensing exam first. I would love to take more Spanish classes while I’m working on that. I miss it!

Overall things are really good. I keep waiting for shit to hit the fan but idk… weed plus A plus a meaningful internship (last year too) has led to such a long period of stability (well long for me lol). A and I were talking about how at the end of this decade he will be 43 (!!!) and I’ll be 39. I started thinking about my life seven years ago at 24 and it feels like I was a completely different person. I would’ve laughed in your face if you told me I would be where I am today. Idk. It’s weird. I worry that one day I’ll relapse with my depression bc I genuinely feel… happy? So it’s kind of easier to not use behaviors. But if I felt depressed and hopeless, things might be very different. I guess I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time.

Edit: I also started on propranolol a couple months ago and WOW has it made a difference in my anxiety especially at my internship. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to work on the mental distortions, but the physical aspect of the anxiety has just been so tricky. After taking neurobiology last summer, I really am recognizing that trauma can have such long term effects on your body.

#update #personal #a #b #therapy #recovery #trauma recovery #bpd recovery #cptsd #cptsd recovery

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mayakern · 3 years

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I saw on your Twitter you play dnd! What kind of character do you play and what system? Also, do you do your own commissions of your characters or do you get it from other artists?

oh hell yeah i love dnd!!! i mostly just play 5E but my regular group did our second session in city of mists last night and it was SUPER fun (we play that instead of our ongoing game whenever our aussie players can’t make it)

i don’t usually reuse dnd characters because even tho i love my characters, they usually all end up with their own history and relationship to their games so adapting them feels weird, but here’s a run down of some of my favorite characters i’ve played! (and ye all this art is by me)

1. anenome (or nem for short)

she’s a water genasi arcane trickster rogue/divination wizard. she’s from a game where we started out playing kids (nem was 11) and then after a Big Event had an 11 year time skip where everyone in the party had to separate before a big reunion. she used to be a really shy and sweet and optimistic kid, but after everything fell apart and she became an accidental criminal, she stopped believing in any sort of fairness in the world and grew up super jaded and nihilistic, tho she still strives to protect that spark of optimism in others (not that she’d admit that). she is SUPER SUPER gay and is married to flare (fire genasi sorcerer). they have a bunch of history and i love them a lot!

2. nora

this is my city of mists character!! she’s a twitch streamer/cam girl/only fans model/l33t h4x0r. she’s clever and compassionate and very silly and a bit gross. part of her backstory is that when she was a relatively new twitch streamer, someone tried to cyberbully her by calling her a “garfield looking ass motherfucker” and so she immediately dyed her hair orange and made that her entire persona just to fuck with them (thus the custom garf headset).

3. hemlock

hemlock is an onomancy wizard! she was made for a storybook game — essentially all the characters lived on a bookshelf in someone’s home and can travel between books.

when characters travel into a new book, especially if it’s an “active” book (i.e. currently being read), they get assigned a role that is both available and closest to their archetype (so, as a wizard, if hemlock entered a book of king arthur’s tales she would likely be assigned as morrigan or merlin if available, or another magic user if not).

hemlock herself was from a story where her family (two sisters and her mother) were turned from good witches/princesses (it was unclear) into evil hags/witches and hemlock bartered her name (and right eye) to keep her mind/heart/goodness.

the onomancy wizard subclass is SUPER interesting and fun and is all about the naming of things and works super well with fairytale stuff (which i love). tbh i REALLY want to play hemlokc more. that game was insanely fun and ended prematurely due to scheduling difficulties. i just don’t think there is another game setting that would ever work for her bc she is so specific.

4. althea

my most recent character is althea! she’s an aasimar grave cleric. she woke up in a morgue about two weeks ago (in game time) and instantly fell in love with the mortician who discovered she was still(?) alive. she has no memories of her past (and tbh no real desire to go looking for them). she is smart but also a dumb ass, has 6 charisma and no sense of self preservation and is completely and utterly in love with rosemary (the mortician, now barkeep) and will literally do anything she wants, no questions asked (and will even do things she THINKS rosemary wants unasked... such as maybe yoinking a very obviously cursed goblet from a ritual circle of living corpses in literally the first game session just bc she thought rosemary would think it was cool).

5. penny

penny was my first long-term dnd character! she was my third dnd character ever but in a lot of ways i consider her my first because the other two were run primarily in 4E and didn’t meet often enough (or just enough period) for me to get a grasp on them or the game mechanics.

penny is a light domain cleric. she was made for a buddy cop game i joined randomly on roll20 because i couldn’t find a consistent group to meet with IRL. i was super nervous to join a random game with strangers but really wanted to play dnd so i gave it a shot and i am SO glad i did because i still play with that group! or.. what became of that group. it started out as a group of me and a bunch of strangers, but i quickly made friends with the DM and one of the other players, then devin joined a couple months in, and slowly original players left for various reasons and we invited other ppl in (a couple of my friends, the other longterm player’s gf, etc) and now that is the main group i still play with! (nem and nora and a bunch of my other characters are from games w that group)

when the game was open for player/character apps, we were asked to pitch what role our character would play in a buddy cop movie and i picked the straight man archetype (haha i know). penny is very sweet and shy and wholesome.

i have a bunch of other characters, most of which can be found on toyhouse, but this post is already way too long as is! whoops!

#ask #maya draws things #dnd #oc #long post #maya rambles

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darlington-v · 3 years

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I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

#asks #anon #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #dsmp meta #dream smp meta #my analysis #long post

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heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

Put A Ring On It

a/n: lmao tooru would actually beat your booty if you ever date kags

anon request: hii can i have a hc like the oikawa sister reader x iwa but now with kageyama?? like the reader is literally the princess of seijoh and never liked anyone until he met kags?? tysm! u make such a cute ff

requests open!!

he might not smile much but when he does, its the most beautiful smile I've ever seen

king and queen of the court??

lmao im getting chills

so since tooru went to kitagawa, it would be natural for him to want his baby sister to go there too right?

you are actually 2 years younger than tooru so that would make you about kags’ age

you are well-known throughout the school as oikawa tooru’s little sister and people also flocked to you since you got the good genes as well

but you were never interested in fear that they would take advantage of you for your brother or to just parade you as a trophy

anyways

you liked volleyball like your brother but you didnt want to play in a team so you just went to their practices to help the coaches

youve heard about this prodigy setter named kagayama tobio, who was also the grandson of a known volleyball couch

but youve only heard bad things about him

tooru lit rally comes home ranting and complaining about this new kid who is great at setting and you were just like, ‘okay and?’

‘y/n-chan! theres an outsider threatening to take your brother’s place! aren’t you worried for me?!’

‘nii-chan, its just volleyball’

‘just-just volley-! that’s it im disowning you’

while iwa just watches from the sidelines

oikawa just shouting and yelling in front of the fridge while you sit on the barstool while eating a banana, looking unbothered

keeping up with the oikawas part 2

you kinda knew him because kindaichi, who is your classmate, talked about kageyama, who was in kunimi’s class

‘tooru-nii never shuts up about him’

you complained to kindaichi one day

‘is he really that good?’

you knew the talent you brother had and the hard work he puts in volleyball as you were usually the one who woke up at night to help him with his knee pains

so you slightly understood his threatened feeling of this mysterious prodigy who just suddenly enters the team

‘he’s not terrible. maybe its because theyre the only setters in the team so oikawa-senpai is threatened about his position being taken’

‘but as long as he’s not a starting, then no foul done right?’

wrong

unfortunately, you were there to see tooru break down during practice when kageyama asked him how to serve

since you usually walked home with your brother and iwa-chan,

get yourself protective brothers

you were forced to wait until he was done with practice

captain duties and all that

and you were getting tired of just waiting in the cold so you go in the gym to tell off your nii-chan when you see him raise his hand at this tobio boy

‘iwa-chan!’

you shriek and he was able to stop tooru from hitting their underclassman

‘oi! oikawa tooru!’

kageyama looked horrified and was so scared that he dashed off

ngl, you felt bad for him and you knew that your brother was probably just overwhelmed w the incoming interhighs and he was just getting frustrated

so when iwa nodded at you that he got tooru, you went after kageyama, who was tossing the ball up in the air

he tossed it up once, expecting it to come back down but you snatched it right up

he turned to see a girl who looked exactly oikawa-san and he backed away

you saw him step back and you pouted

‘ehhh~? am i that scary to you, kage-chan?’

omg the way you even talk was like him

‘are you oikawa-senpai’s sister?’

hes heard little about you from kunimi

you nodded and gave him a smile before sticking a hand out

‘oikawa y/n, at your service’

‘ah, k-kageyama tori-bio’

you giggled at his flustered look

‘what is it? torio? tobio?’

ofc you already knew but he was so cute to tease

‘i-it’s tobio’

he was red at the embarrassment of messing up his own name but you thought he was so cute and a bean

you heard from kunimi that he wasnt very social and mostly keeps to himself or the volleyball team

‘sorry about my nii-chan, kage-chan. hes just stressed right now. dont worry, he’ll come around. i’ll make it up to you in his place, okay?’

your eyes scrunched up as you smiled to try and diffuse the situation and save your brother’s arse

he owes you

‘its okay. its also my fault for pestering him about it so i should apologize’

omg this boy is ADORABLE

DLKAFDKLJAFALSFEJISLKDJ

‘tobio-chan!’

you shrieked before hugging him and nuzzling your face into his shirt

‘youre so sweet! you dont have to do anything!’

he was actually taken aback by your expressive personality and wasnt used to being fawn upon, especially by a cute girl

he remained frozen on the spot and you worriedly let go, thinking he stopped breathing

‘tobio-chan? did you die?! tobio-chan!’

from then on, you just seemed to see him everywhere

for months you didnt even know this boy but suddenly, after the accident, you were just seeing him everywhere

from your classroom, you’d see him at the yard with kunimi and kindaichi as they toss the ball around

i will always think that this trio were initially friends at the beginning!

he seemed to be a very shy boy and was constantly trying to keep his emotions on check

but you saw the smiles whenever he thinks the two arent looking

that was probably why you absolutely had the biggest crush on this boy

but you didnt realize that you had a crush on him

you just wanted to help him come out of his shell and help him smile more bc it was so beautiful

so you cornered him by his locker one day and your cute smile made his cheeks go on fire

‘FIREEE~~~~ BULTORUNE!!’

‘tobio-chan! i want to be your friend!’

he was SHOOK

girls never really talked to him, much less his frightening captain’s cute sister

no words came from him as he just looked at you with wide eyes

‘o-oikawa-san?’

you pouted at the formal use of your name

‘haaa?! tobiio-chan! call me by some cute nickname too~!’

you crossed your arms and stomped your foot on the floor

omg no stop this at once little girl

he turned even redder and quickly stuffed his things in his bag before dashing off

‘eh?! tobio-chan!’

his days were filled with that

you were constantly yelling his nickname with a smile when you would see him and he would blush then run away

even during practice, you would basically act as their manager by giving them their towels and water

but it was obvious that you would pamper kageyama more

that irritated your brother

he dragged you home one day and was basically interrogating you

‘n/n-chan, youre not having a crush on that bastard kageyama are you?’

you glared at your brother, offended at the way he called tobio

‘don’t call him that, nii-chan! i will hit you!’

you shrieked and punched his gut

‘HES NOT GOOD FOR YOU, N/N-CHAN! HES A THIEF!’

tooru shouts and thus began the arguments between your fascination with kageyama

but you didnt care because you intend to uphold that promise and reach that goal through

all you wanted was to see tobio smile freely

one day, you were walking to school earlier than your brother when you saw kageyama at the intersection

your eyes lit up and you bounded up to him

‘tobio-chan!’

his eyes widened and he quickly turned around to walk away

ngl that hurted a bit

‘tobio-chan?’

that small voice made him stop and his head turned to look at your watering eyes

‘tobio-chan, do you not like me?’

you were so used to being liked and fawned over your entire life that the thought of somebody not liking you was so hurtful

maybe thats why you liked kageyama tobio though

he was focused on running away from you rather than going to you

for the first time, you would have to be the one who chased rather than being the one running

kags was worried bc his sister always told him to never make a girl cry and here he was, watching your eyes tear up

‘y/n-san, please dont cry’

you watched him walk to you and shakily wipe your tears away

a smile formed on your face at the touch of his fingertips and you hugged him

lmao we really bokuto 2.0

kags didnt know what to do bc if he hugged you back, that would give you a wrong impression of him wanting to be your friend

but he didnt want friends, he just wanted to play volleyball

but he smelled a faint strawberry scent from your hair and he unconsciously leans in, wrapping his arms around your body

at the feeling of him returning your affection, you giggled and tightened your arms around him while burying your face in his chest

‘do you want to be my friend now, tobio-chan?’

you were so insistent on being a friend that kageyama was touched at your efforts

he was just like

f it shes pretty and nice, its fine

he nodded

and thus began a cute friendship

well, more like a one-sided friendship since you were the more lively one than him

you would run to his classroom with kindaichi and eat with kags and kunimi

you would give him parts of your bento and you would hold his hand

thisgirl does not know personal space

one lunch period, you were all eating lunch when you were suddenly thirsty

you let go of kags and stood up, making the boys look at you

‘im thirsty so ill get something. want anything?’

they shrugged and told you to get whatever so you skipped to the vending machine

yall idontknow how to skip so i just kinda gallop

you got banana milk for you and random things for kindaichi and kunimi

but you didnt know what to get kags

you thought you would know since youve started being friends a few weeks ago but you really didnt know what drink he liked

so you chose the only blue thing they have

you went back to the classroom and gave their drinks but you sheepishly smiled when you gave kags his milk

‘i didnt really know what you liked so i got a blue carton because your eyes are blue and they reminded me of you’

kindaichi and kunimi gave you a disgusted look while kageyama blushed at the thought

this folks, is why kagellama tobiyolo is in love w that blue carton of milk

slowly but surely, kageyama has started opening up to you and you were so happy that he was starting to smile more around you

it took a few months but you were finally considered a friend

ofc tooru was deeply unhappy about this and always tried to foil plans between you and him but you were not having that

he was even harsher during practice but since youre always there, you would take a page from iwa’s book and yeet a ball to his face

‘i will hit you, nii-chan!’

it was a shock to the school that you were actually showing interest to someone since you rarely gave anybody else a second glance

and it was to this shy boy, kageyama tobio, no less!

when oikawa tooru has finally graduated, you breathed a sigh of relief

you were bumped up to best friend by kageyama and you always walked home with him

iwa-chan liked you (in a brotherly, platonic way) enough that he would even keep tooru in his house so you could hang out with kageyama longer

also, kags has finally came up with a nickname for you and has finally called you by something informal!!

imsoproudofhimohmygosh

‘n/n-chan, my mom’s cooking tonkatsu tonight. you wanna come?’

he asked you one night and you nodded eagerly, excited at the mention of your favorite food

‘yes! you dont even have to ask!’

you hummed as you skipped down the road, still holding his arm, and excited to meet his family

but to kags, this was a way more serious affair

youve never met his family before and hes worried that they might embarrass him in front of this cute girl

and he was right

when they stepped in, his sister, who was back from college, peaked and saw her little anti-social baby brother with a really really cute girl

‘mom! tobio brought a girl home!’

he shuts his eyes in frustration but you squeezed his hands

‘dont be nervous, tobio-chan. im right here, okay?’

oml he doesnt deserve you

his mom was so excited that he even had a friend and quickly finished dinner

you bowed in front of his parents and sister before introducing yourself

‘hello, my name is oikawa y/n. its really nice to meet you and thank you for inviting me to your lovely home’

‘omg oikawa-chan is so nice! dig in, everyone!’

kageyama met the eyes of his family and his heart swelled at their approval

it made him like you more

waitt, like?

like, as in, romantic?

like as in, i like you more than a best friend?

like, as in, i want to be your boyfriend?

he choked at that last thought and you hurriedly gave him his water, patting his back

‘daijobu, tobio-chan?’

no luv, life is not daijobu right now

he nodded before sighing in relief

one look at your face and all the thoughts started happening again and he turned even redder

dear god, he actually had a crush on you

nah, itll go away

right?

nope

this is a fanfiction kags, youre meant to fall in love with us

at the passing of his grandfather, tobio was an actual wreck

an emotional, mental, and physical wreck

he skipped school and constantly practiced at the backyard and refused to eat his meals, wanting to stay outside with his ball longer

at his second day of absence, you went straight to his house and when his mom opened the door, she gave you a sad smile and pointed to the back

you saw him trying to do a serve only for him to miss and hit his head before shouting curses

never have you seen him miss a serve

you studied his appearance and your hands trembled

his eyes were red with even more red around his eyes, chapped lips from the constant biting and the bruised knuckles from probably punching something

the last time you saw him was at the funeral after he asked you to go with him and you were so worried that he would turn out like this

‘tobio’

you softly called out and he paused, not moving to get the ball

he heaved a wheeze before choking out a sob

you ran straight to him and gathered him in your arms, cradling the back of his head to your shoulder

throughout your friendship, tobio has never been so affectionate

but right now, you were the only thing that made everything seem normal and he held on to you, so afraid that you might disappear too

as if knowing his concerns, you ran your hands through his hair

‘sshhh, it’s okay. im right here. im not going anywhere, tobio. im right here, okay?’

even you were hurting

everything started because you thought he was beautiful when he smiled so you made it your mission to keep that smile alive forever

but when hes sobbing and in pain, it gives more value to that smile because underneath all that, he was just a shy little boy who had a passion of volleyball

you didnt want to say anything to him but everyone knew that he wasnt exactly the same tobio

if anything, he was much harder with himself and trained even harder

he was staying later in the gym and he was starting to snap at everyone, even kindaichi and kunimi

they got into a massive fight during practice and everyone went home angry but he stayed after, putting his frustrations into doing jumping serves

you watched from the sidelines and when you saw him fall, you rushed over and gently patted his face to get rid of his sweat

‘tobio-chan, let’s go home’

he shook his head

‘no! i need to perfect this-!’

‘tobio-chan, lets go home’

your voice became stronger and firm so he hung his head low

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to be strong and i want to be the last standing on the court’

you flashed a crooked smile

‘did you forget who my brother is, tobio-chan? i suffered through it with nii-chan so im not going through it again, especially with you. so come on, lets go home’

everyone in the school became wary of the former shy boy who seems to glare at everything and everyone

you were even told, straight to your face, that you were wasting time being his friend

‘ne, y/n-chan. kageyama-kun is so mean so you should stay away from him, okay?’

you glared at them before slamming your book close

‘say one more word and i will shove this book down your throat so youll never be able to utter a single sound ever again’

go off sister!!

you stayed with kageyama, even if he got frustrated and got angry at you, but he was your best friend and youve been friends for years

and you still want to see his smile

tooru was practicing a lot again and your sister and takeru were at tokyo for a trip so you were home alone

so you texted kageyama that you were coming over and he didnt respond which you took as a sign of agreement

so at your trek to his house, you hummed as you swung the bag full of meat buns and cartons of milk when you saw your 3 friends

you were about to shout and raise your hand when you saw kindaichi harshly push kageyama back and kunimi separating the two

‘you-!’

kunimi saw you and hissed at the two

‘stop this right now. y/n-san is over there’

you shouldve known then that everything was falling apart

at this point, you were the only one he let in as his family was too afraid to push him too far

you should be happy, right?

he was smiling around you and only you

only you were able to see such a beautiful thing

but now,

you were not happy with the way he acted towards everybody

during that iconic game in his last year of middle school, he pushed you away too

the locker room was tense and kindaichi was about to yell at him when you knocked

‘tobio-chan, can we talk?’

he wordlessly threw the towel down and hefted his bag before going outside to follow you

omg im getting flashbacks from my shirabu ff from yesterday

you grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a hug

youve given him many hugs before but this time, it was so strong and different than the others

his arms were around your shoulders while yours was around his torso due to your height and your head was leaning against the place where his heart would be

‘im going to seijoh, tobio-chan’

you paused, gauging his reaction

he didnt say anything, just keeping you in his arms

not iwa-level-bara arms but a healthy-muscular-arms

‘tooru-nii wants me to spend one more year with him before he goes to college and theyre saying my grades are enough to keep me there. but if you dont want me to go, i wont’

‘what? why wont you? its a good school and you deserve it’

his grumbles were still frustrated but he was rather calm whenever he talks to you

‘you wont miss me then, tobio-chan~?’

he could feel you pouting and that made him smile

‘i wont since youll come over to my house everyday’

you pulled your head away with mock surprise

‘everyday?! tobio-chan~! youll really miss me~!’

so you went your separate ways

but you spent every day of the summer together

much to oikawa’s dismay

and during your first day, he was reluctant to let you go

for 3 years you walked together at the same direction to the same place

but now, youd have to part ways at the same intersection

you softly smiled and giggled when he refused to let go of your hand

im busting uwus just writing this yall

my fingers said ‘free reign!’

‘tobio-chan~! i’m going to be late~!’

you playfully whined and gently pulled your hand from his grasp

but he didnt let go, still holding your hand while the other was in his pants pocket

‘we should skip today, n/n. we can go get meat buns and popsicles and-’

you walked back to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, chin rested on his chest so you could look up to him

‘as much as i want to, my grades and attendance need to be high, tobio-chan~’

he scoffed, ruffling your hair

‘once i become a professional player, you wont need to work. i can support us by myself’

bruh hes already thinking they would get married or something

you scrunched your nose in distate

‘i want to make something of myself. i was given a life so im going to live it’

‘but that means spending less time with me and-’

‘tobio-chan, i know what youre doing. stop stalling and let me go to school already~!’

‘no!’

he refused and caged you in his arms while you wiggled and laughed

‘ill see you later! i promise! now i need to go or nii-chan will yell at you~!’

with great reluctance, he let you go to school, pouting and everything

that cute pout he has oml

as your figure became smaller the farther you walked, you turned around and saw him still standing there and when he saw you look at him, he raised a hand

you jumped and cupped your hands around your mouth

‘MISS YOU ALREADY TOBIO-CHAN!’

i reference my previous works constantly

pedestrians looked at you weirdly and looked at kageyama too causing him to get flustered and run to school, your laughter echoing behind him

seijoh was already expecting the arrival of oikawa’s cute little sister and once you appeared, woohoooo

you got your own fanclub of ladies and genitals

they flocked over to your desk after tooru and iwa dropped you off at your classroom during lunch

‘ne, oikawa-chan, do you see anyone cute today?’

‘iwaizumi-senpai is cute, dont you think?’

‘no! yahaba-senpai is cuter!’

‘matsukawa-senpai and hanamaki-senpai are not bad’

we have matsuhana rights in this household

but you remained quiet, focusing on your phone as kageyama complained to you about some tangerine looking fool

‘oikawa-chan!’

that caught your attention and you smiled gently

‘hm?’

they giggled at your rosy cheeks

‘she has a boyfriend, probably’

you shook your head

‘no. i dont’

‘well, do you have anyone you like?’

you thought about it and shrugged

‘ive never really liked anyone before. i dont care about having a boyfriend either since my brother and tobio are enough for me’

that traveled quickly and soon, everyone was trying their best to woo the little princess oikawa

from lunch suggestions to study dates,

they all wanted to be closer to you

but you always refused,

‘tooru-nii wants me to eat lunch with him’

‘im hanging out with tobio-chan after school’

‘iwa-chan doesnt like you so no’

lmao yes

you were famous around the school for the way everyone treated you and catered to your needs to gain your favor

exactly like a princess

the princess of aoba johsai

the princess of seijoh

she ruled the court alongside the Grand King Oikawa and everyone practically worshipped them

everyone wanted them to like them, just a little bit, but you remained closed off to romantic relationships

when tobio texted you about the upcoming seijoh practice match, you were bouncing on your heels in excitement as you waited for them in the gym

kindaichi and kunimi were rolling their eyes at you

the other members of the team knew of you and were confused at your behavior

‘her boyfriend’s on the karasuno team’

‘the king of the court’

‘eh?! boyfriend?!’

‘y/n-chan, can you hand me my bottle?’

he wasnt answered as you shrieked and sprinted straight to kageyama who appeared at the door

‘tobio-chan~!’

you launched yourself and latched yourself to him, tobio immediately supporting you

‘geez, n/n, not in front of everyone’

you giggled

‘i missed you so much, tobio-chan~!’

‘then transfer over’

‘i cant do that! you know that!’

everyone was S H O O K

‘is she,,,, your girlfriend, kageyama?’

daichi and suga asked but the boy turned red before shaking his head

‘my friend’

‘ehhh?! you have friends?!’

hinata shut up i swear-

you cheered him on despite being on the other team

you got even louder when you saw your brother playing and he complained about your loyalties

‘you cheer on for your boyfriend but not your brother?! what is the meaning of this n/n-chan?!’

you rushed to give him a towel when he motioned you to do it for him like you always did

‘i want a girlfriend too’

‘we’re not dating you idiots!’

kageyama shouted from the sidelines to the orange hair kid

‘but you act like,,, that’

you smiled

maybe dating tobio wouldnt be a bad idea

i mean, hes cute, adorable, talented, funny, nice

you could deal with it

‘so youre syaing, we act like it already?’

you questioned towards the grey-haired guy who nodded

‘whaddya say, tobio-chan? should we hurry up and put a ring on it?’

he spluttered, almost choking on his water

‘r-r-RING?!’

‘well, you said youd support us in the future, right?’

‘i mean-yea-but’

‘okay then its settled’

both teams gawked at you while kageyama was too busy trying to not have a nosebleed or a heart attack by how fast his heart was beating

you turned to your brother who was looking like his entire world was crumbling

‘OI TOORU-NII! TOBIO-CHAN AND I ARE NOW DATING AND WE’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED!’

oikawa screamed

yall this is so long im--

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forzalando · 4 years

Text

The Perfect Arrangement | George Weasley | Pt. 2

Pairing: George Weasley x F!Reader AU: Bridgerton!AU Word Count: 2.2k Warnings: Bridgerton spoilers, a gross man stepping into your personal space, definitely not historically accurate bc i never mention chaperones

Summary: As a woman in the early 19th century, you’ve been told all your life that marriage should be your ultimate goal, however, you do not share that sentiment. When the insufferable George Weasley devises a plan that may solve both your problems, how can you say no?

A/N: woohoo, part 2 is here!! not a whole lot of drama/interaction between George and the reader but some necessary developments. plus! Eloise! my favorite lady! as always, thank you so much for reading💛

“George, everyone is staring at us,” you whispered as you took his arm.

“Well, we are the most attractive couple promenading this morning, don’t you think?”

You stifled a laugh; partly because you didn’t want to draw more attention to yourself and partly because George’s ego was large enough without knowing you thought he was funny.

“Should I glare at the men staring at you? Let them know that they don’t have even an ounce of a chance?” George asked.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” you mused. “However, I don’t know how your sister would feel if every eligible man in the ton held disdain for her older brother.”

“Oh, please,” George scoffed. “You know as well as I do that Ginny is marrying Harry, it’s just a matter of time.”

You hummed in agreement, though slightly distracted by the way George held you so close. It was unnerving how comfortable you felt with him; most men had always made you uncomfortable, but never George. Even though he was incorrigible, garish, and irritatingly handsome, he never made you feel anything but at ease.

“Lord Beverly is approaching us,” George whispered, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Quick, say something funny and make me laugh, maybe he will turn around.”

“I’m not your jester, nor can I make you laugh on command. Comedy is derived from opportunity, and here, I have none, just your orders.”

“Now we’re quarreling, he’s walking even faster.”

“That’s your fault for acting like my sense of humor is at your beck and call!”

You turned sharply to face him; a scowl settled on your face and nostrils flaring. He was looking at you the same, with his eyes narrowed and a slight blush on his cheeks, whether it was from the summer heat or anger you couldn’t be sure. George opened his mouth to speak again, when someone interrupted him.

“Is this why you wouldn’t give me the honor of a dance at the Danbury ball, Miss Y/L/N?”

Lord Beverly was stood directly in your path, his hands clasped behind his back and a smarmy smile on his face. He may have been handsome, but Philip Beverly was as horrid as men came.

“I do apologize, Lord Beverly,” you retorted, sickly sweet. “Mr. Weasley has been the object of my affections for quite some time now and I simply could not bring myself to imagine myself with anyone but him all night.”

You looked up at George and smiled, staring into the warmth of his eyes and heaving a dramatic sigh; one you hoped was the sigh of a woman in love.

“Yes, I suppose I understand your trepidation,” Lord Beverly scowled. “However, I have been speaking with your father this morning and I believe Mr. Weasley has not yet proposed, is that correct? Lord Y/L/N made it quite clear he has not received any mentions of a proposal.”

“Why, yes, of course he hasn’t. He has barely begun courting me, the season only began a week or so ago.”

“You’ve known each other for years, surely you must know by now if you are to propose, Mr. Weasley?”

George looked to you for guidance, just as confused as you at the interrogation taking place between the two of you and Beverly.

“As Miss Y/L/N said before, we’ve barely begun courting. I have always had the intention of marrying her, ever since we were children, but I wanted to make sure we are comfortable as partners, not just friends.”

“I am quite wealthy, you know,” Beverly reminded. “My family has considerably higher standing than the Weasley’s and there is so much more I could offer you than he can, Y/N.”

Lord Beverly took a step towards you, completely ignoring George standing beside you, but before you could ask him to step away, George thrust himself in between the two of you.

“If you ever so much as look at my future wife again, I assure you that you will see just how much influence my family has, Lord Beverly,” George spat. “You flaunt your money, your perceived power, when I have friends in much higher places than you could ever dare to dream.”

Philip backed away; his ever present smirk still adorning his face but he could not hide the glint of fear in his eyes.

“Well, I suppose I’ll be on my way,” Beverly grimaced.

“Yes, you shall,” George responded with a glare that would frighten even the most courageous of men.

As soon as Lord Beverly was out of earshot, you breathed out deeply. There was something about that man that made your skin crawl, more so than the other slimy, rich men of the ton.

You laughed quietly, and kept laughing until you were in a fit of giggles, prompting George to look at you quizzically.

“Y/N, what could possibly be so funny about being accosted by that scum?”

“I’m not entirely sure, I just find it amusing how intimidating you can be when you really try. You should be an actor, you know.”

“An actor? Why do you think so?”

“You played the part of a jealous lover far better than I ever could. One might believe you’re actually in love with me,” you snickered.

If you had looked at George for even a moment after your joke, you would have seen the hurt expression flash across his face. He tried to keep it at bay, but the reminder of the nature of your relationship ate at him far more than he imagined.

He had convinced himself that in time, your feelings for him would grow; how could they not when he was so sure that you were soulmates? Destined to be together for the rest of your lives? In doing so, he never stopped to think of the consequences of his actions if you were to never return his affections.

George began to wonder if his heart could bear it, because every time he looked at you and saw your beautiful smile, he felt it breaking piece by piece.

“What do you say to that, Weasley?” you asked with a smile, breaking George from his thoughts.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I was distracted, what were you saying?”

“Pay attention, Georgie, otherwise you might lose your only current prospect for marriage.”

“You’re my only prospect, period, not just current,” he chuckled.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to believe the weight behind his words was truthful, that your courtship was real and true. You’d convinced yourself for years that you held George Weasley in no higher regard than an acquaintance, but at any given moment where you were in the same room you always found your way to each other; bantering back and forth that, to an outsider, must have looked like disdain, but in your heart you knew that you held him at arm’s length to keep yourself from falling.

It had only been a week since the Danbury ball, but spending every day in secret with George (the two of you weren’t quite ready to announce to the public yet until today) and getting to know him as more than just a friend had opened your heart to frightening feelings that you shoved aside.

George Weasley had always wanted to marry for love, an ideal that you never allowed yourself to believe in and now, he was to marry you only because the true object of his affection was not an option.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. Does that…does that bother you? Do you have any regrets about what you asked me?”

“I’m not sure yet,” George whispered, dropping your hand that he had held so tightly the entire morning.

No, you simply couldn’t allow yourself to entertain the foolish fantasy of feelings, not when you had the sole responsibility of taking care of your own heart.

“Walk me home, please, Mr. Weasley.”

“As you wish, Miss Y/L/N.”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” cried a familiar voice from across the street.

You turned with a smile to see Eloise making her way towards you, her journal in hand as always.

“Thank you for walking me home, George, you can be on your way. I’ll see you tomorrow evening for the Norrington soiree, correct?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. Have a lovely day, Miss Y/L/N.”

He quickly raised your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. Even though you were cross with him, you smiled shyly at the feeling of his lips on your hand, though it slowly faded away as you realized it was all a show for the audience on the street.

As Eloise hurried to you, you couldn’t help but watch George’s back as he walked down the cobblestones towards his own home.

“How dare you? I had to hear from gossiping mother hens this morning that George Weasley is formally courting you? Not only that, but he plans to propose to you? What happened to never marrying? Does your family know? The whole ton has been talking about it!”

“I – I don’t understand, this morning was our first outing together, I’ve just been spending time with him at his family’s home. How could anyone possibly know – ”

You paused, remembering your conversation with Lord Beverly earlier that morning.

“Oh, for goodness sake. Lord Beverly went to my father this morning while I was out with George, asking about proposing to me.”

“LORD BEVERLY?” Eloise shouted, interrupting your explanation.

“Yes, I know. A horrid man, but I don’t believe he will be bothering me any longer. George practically had him running away in fear but, as I was saying, Lord Beverly went to my father and of course I haven’t told my parents of our marriage plans yet, we’ve only just begun courting, so Papa told Beverly that I have no prospects. He approached George and I on our promenade, and practically interrogated us! One thing led to another and George expressed his desire to propose and, well, here we are. Beverly must have opened his mouth and now everyone in town knows.”

Eloise stared at you blankly, her wide eyes blinking rapidly trying to process all that you had just told her.

“Are you in love with George?”

“It appears so…”

You hated lying to her, but you and George hadn’t discussed if you would ever tell anyone and who you trusted to tell in the first place.

“Well, it’s about time!” Eloise yelled in your ear.

“I – excuse me?”

“Oh, you can’t possibly tell me you’ve been oblivious to his feelings all these years. And your own! It’s been painful watching you drone on and on about how you’ll never marry when he’s been right in front of you since we were children.”

“Eloise, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean, he’s courting you and is planning to propose, what is there to misunderstand?”

“Quite a lot, if I’m being honest.”

Eloise saw the guilty look on your face and immediately her jaw dropped, memories of her sister and the Duke clouding her thoughts.

“Of all the lousy schemes to get yourself involved in, Y/N, I cannot believe you. It’s all a ruse?! Is this a common theme with the prized debutante of the season, am I missing something?”

“Quiet yourself, Eloise! It’s quite simple, George cannot marry the woman he loves and I do not wish to marry. We get along fairly well and have things in common. We figured it would be to both of our advantages if we married each other and were able to live our lives as we please without people breathing down our necks about marriage.”

“You are truly oblivious, Y/N.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“George Weasley has loved you for years, I didn’t think it was a secret. The only issue is that you’re too stubborn to look past this aversion to happiness you’ve been harboring.”

“Education makes me happy. Traveling the world would make me happy. My own wants and desires make me happy. I don’t need a man or love to be happy, I thought you of all people would understand, Eloise.”

“I do understand, and because I do, doesn’t that make what I say all the more believable?”

Your reply got caught in your throat, the weight of Eloise’s words left a heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“I see the way you look at him, Y/N,” she continued. “You’ve convinced yourself so greatly that there isn’t a man who will love you for who you are that you’re blind to your own affections and the fact that there is a man who loves you exactly as you stand before me. You’re just afraid. I never thought I would call you a coward – ”

“That is quite enough, Eloise,” you snapped.

“I will relish in saying ‘I told you so,” she quipped back.

You watched her turn swiftly and did the same; stalking into the courtyard and up the stairs to your own home, all the while pondering the words you had shared with Eloise.

Secretly, in the depths of your heart where you never dared to venture, you hoped that she was right about George’s feelings for you, and that thought scared you more than anything.

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#george weasley x reader #george weasley au #george weasley #george weasley fic #bridgerton au #bridgerton x hp #george weasley series

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years

Text

One Chance (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era

Request: hey so i was thinking could you might do a regulus x reader where the reader is like sassy or maybe all cold hearted? i honestly love ur page but i cant never relate with the reader bc she is always too soft 😭 maybe like if they understood each others depression and then end up falling in love? idk how to explain

To the annon who requested this: I hope that you enjoy

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M

_____________

“Y/n, Regulus Black has been looking at you for the past 10 minutes.”

You didn’t bother looking up from your potions book when your friend Anastasia spoke. The last thing that you wanted to deal with was Regulus Black and his stupid good looks.

“He needs to look somewhere else.”

You commented. Regulus Black had been staring at you a lot lately and it was beginning to get under your skin. Before a few weeks ago Regulus had nothing to do with you. It didn’t matter that the two of you had always been in the same house for the past 6 years or that the two of you had friends in the same circle. In fact, he took extra measure to not speak to you.

The best that you could come up with was he was uncomfortable with you going on a date with his old brother. Your heart hurt thinking about that particular time in your life. That was when you were an innocent sweet 4th year. Sirius dated you for all of a week before dumping you for some pretty Ravenclaw with blond hair and big boobs.

This was also the time that your depression really started kicking in. You weren't quite sure how to deal with all of the feelings swirling through your head. From dealing with your first break up to all of these dark and intrusive thoughts...you didn’t know how to cope. None of your friends seemed to understand either. A few of them chose to ignore what you were going through. The rest didn’t know how to deal with constant sarcastic comments. Now you had a few that stuck with you because it was in their best interest. If someone bothered them, you would chew the miserable fuckers ass out that caused them grief. This was a healthier outlet than sinking a knife into your arm.

Being at home was no better. Your mum tried to constantly get you off of the couch to do things but she didn’t seem to understand that you wanted nothing to do with whatever she was doing. Her words of…

“Stop lying on the couch like a giant hairball and do something. Go enjoy the day.”

Apparently you mother didn’t understand that you definition of “enjoying the day” meant being left the fuck alone.

That is one of the reasons that you preferred being at school. You could find peaceful places to be left alone.

Anastasia spoke again, pulling you from your thoughts.

“He probably thinks that you are pretty, Y/n. You really are a lovely girl.”

“Go get your eyes checked. Anna, I have as much luck with boys as a turtle does crossing the road.”

You muttered as the bell rang.

Not a moment too soon.

You thought as you stood to gather up your things. You were getting away from Anastasia and her mind numbing questions. Walking to the door you ran into a hard body.

Looking up, Regulus Black had turned around to just who the fuck ran into him. He blinked a few times the moment that your eyes met.

“Watch where you are going, Black.”

You hissed. Regulus automatically frowned.

“You ran into me.”

“So, you aren’t moving fast enough?”

You replied, not missing a beat. Regulus seemed a bit surprised by your comment. He wasn’t for sure why you were hostile toward him. In all of the years that he had known you, with the exception of year 1 and 2, you acted like he had personally fucked you over.

Regulus couldn’t help admitting that you were a lovely girl but your sarcastic hostile nature was a bit off putting. He had decided the year before just to avoid you at all costs. This year, however, he understood more about you. You were as depressed as he was. Regulus never understood it until this year.

Over the summer, Sirius ran off to James Potter’s abandoning his family. Regulus didn’t know how to put into words how he felt about it either. There was sinking in the middle of his stomach that never seemed to go away. It was there when he went to sleep at night and was waiting when he awoke the next morning. Regulus honestly never thought that he would be happy again.

He figured that returning to school would soothe those feelings. Regulus would be back with his best friends and would have no reason to think of Sirius. Unfortunately, the moment that he stepped into the great hall and saw his brother sitting at the Gryffindor table smiling and laughing. There was clearly no sadness in Sirius over the events of the summer. This sent Regulus into a deeper depression. His brother didn’t miss him and never would.

“You know most people just say excuse me and go on about their business.”

Regulus replied.

“Just get out of my way.”

You hissed and moved to get around him. Regulus honestly didn’t deserve your venom. He, after all, had done absolutely nothing to you.

He hasn’t done anything to you but you have no reason to trust him. Regulus will probably be just like his brother. You’ll get attached and have your heart broken.

You thought. It wasn’t fair to compare Regulus to Sirius when they were obviously such different people but you couldn’t help it. Most guys, no matter the house, was the same.

As you walked down the hall, you wanted nothing more than to have some time alone. You decided to walk down to the lake. A free period was just what you needed!

Sitting down, you took out a book and quietly began to read. It wasn’t until you were on paragraph two did you realize that someone was standing in front of you. Looking up, again your eyes met Regulus Black’s.

“What now, Black?”

You questioned. He put his hands on his hips feeling a bit annoyed. After the exchange in the potions, he decided that it was time for both of you to have a little chat.

“You and I need to talk.”

“Whatever about?”

You questioned as he sat down.

“I want to know why you hate me so bad?”

“I never said that I hated you.”

Regulus chuckled.

“Sure could have fooled me. You are always glaring at me like I personally offended you.”

You put your book down.

“I just don't like being oogled by some guy who is going to screw me over.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t know me.”

“Yeah, I know your brother. All guys are the same so it doesn’t matter who you are.”

The response came out a little snipper than you planned. Standing up, you turned to storm back to the castle. Just who the fuck did Regulus think that he was? So what if he was a member of the Black family?

Woo-freaking-who.

“First, off you don’t know anything about me. I am nothing like my brother. If you would give me a bloody chance you would see that. I see what you are doing Y/n. I get it you use sarcasm and cold humor to cope. I do it too. As much as you want to come across as this tough girl who doesn’t need anyone, you're actually quite lonely…again I get it.”

You stopped before turning to face Regulus. He sat with his knees drawn to his chest. Dark eyes looked up at you with an intensity that you had never seen on his face before.

“I don’t like this, Regulus.”

He smirked.

“You don’t like someone figuring out who you are, Y/n. You don’t want people seeing that inside you are actually in pain. Again, I can relate.”

Regulus stood and walked down closer to the lake.

“My brother, who I know that you dated and I know he did you wrong, he abandoned our family over the summer. Now...everything is up to me. I am the only heir to the Black family. I have to do everything and I don’t fucking want to. I want to do whatever it is I want and there not be repercussions for my actions. However, that won’t be able to happen now.”

You frowned and watched him curiously.

“And why is that? Why can’t you just walk away? You’ll be an adult soon. Tell them to fuck off.”

Regulus laughed.

“If only it were that easy. You see my mother, she depends on me and I can’t let her down. If you knew my family, you would understand.”

You had heard plenty of rumors about the Black family. Regulus’ mother sounded like the typical pureblood mother. Maybe a bit darker than what your mother was but a pureblood mother all the same.

“I’m sure our families are very similar. Lovely bunch, purebloods.”

Regulus laughed bitterly at that. There wasn’t much that was lovely about being a pureblood when your mother was Walburga Black.

“Then you will understand why we have to do things that we don’t want to do. For example, being a death eater.”

“Regulus…”

He automatically pulled up his sleeve to show you the dark mark on his arm. Regulus wasn’t surprised when you made no facial expression. He had a feeling that you had seen your fair share of dark marks lately.

“My mother and father were okay with me doing it. Actually, they were quite proud that their son was doing the right thing...the just thing. I think I am too...at points. There are other times that I am not for sure. I see your face. You have the same expression. I bet you about 10 galleons, if you pull up your sleeves there are going to very similar cut marks...sometimes it gets too much.”

You looked down. For the first time, your tough exterior faded.

“You do it too...cut your wrists?”

Regulus nodded.

“Physical pain is better than mental pain, at times. Maybe we understand each other more than we thought?”

Your crossed arms slowly dropped to your sides.

“Maybe. We could also really hurt each other.”

Regulus’ hopeful smile fell.

“Or help each other. I don’t know what my brother did to you but I’m not him. Sirius and I have nothing in common except our last names. I mean, our last name is literally all that we have in common. You’ll get stupid bullshit with him. I’m on my A game. You wouldn’t have to guess what you were to me. All that you have to do is give me a chance. If it makes you feel better...I know where my brother is about this time of day and...well...sometimes Sirius isn’t so bright.”

You snorted.

“You could say that again. Fine, you have a chance. Don’t mess it up Regulus.”

Regulus held out his hand with a small smile. Something told you to be wary. The depressive side said, no but something deep inside of you said yes.

You reached out and wrapped your hand around Regulus’. He gave you a small smile before tugging in you with him.

“This is going to be funny.”

You slipped through quiet corridors behind Regulus as he checked for any “little eyes” that would get into his way. He finally stopped the moment that he saw Sirius and James standing in an empty hallway playing “exploding snap.”

Regulus lightly elbowed you in the side before grinning. He had his wand out and muttered something low. You weren’t able to make out what he said but it didn’t matter. It looked as if someone had a bucket of water and dumped it all over Sirius and James. Both boys jumped back looking around wildly as another explosion of water knocked them off of their feet. James hit the ground first. Sirius reached out to help his best friend only to get hit in the face with water for the third time. He was knocked off his feet and directly on top of James. His elbow crashing into James’ crotch. James howled in pain as Sirius started rubbing his head where he hit the stone floor.

“Pads, stop. You're killing me!”

James shrieked. Sirius was yelling about how truly sorry he was over and over.

You, meanwhile, had to hold back a fit of rare laughter. Regulus, himself, was grinning as he turned the floor to ice. Both James and Sirius were sliding all over the place all the while screaming curse words after curse words.

“Whoever you are! We are going to fuck you up!”

Sirius yelled as Regulus reached down and squeezed your hand.

“This is where we make our exit. They are going to be sliding around for a while.”

You ran after Regulus, until he pulled you into an empty classroom

“That was fun.”

He commented.

“Fucking brilliant. Watching them slide all over the place while looking like drowned ferrets was the best fun that I have had in awhile.”

Regulus smiled, giving you a cocky smile.

“That’s only the beginning. I have a lot better material...if you want to watch.”

You reached up and pulled the taller boy down by his tie. Regulus was clearly a bit surprised but leaned right into the kiss. When he pulled away, you tossed your hair over his shoulder.

“Watching is for babies. I want to help.”

______

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#Regulus Black #Regulus Black x Reader #Sirius Black #James Potter #marauders au #annon request #timothee chalamet as regulus black #ben barnes as sirius black #aaron johnson as james potter #young marauders #regulus x r eader #reader x regulus #regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #harry potter fan fiction #One Chance #Once Chance one shot #update

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army-of-mai-lovers · 4 years

Note

Re: misogyny in atla fandom post. I’m a butch/gnc woman and there’s so few representation for women like me. I really relate to toph and admire her for being androgynous and masculine but still being a woman. She shows that there’s no “wrong” way to be a woman and that you can reject gendered expectations and still be female. She’s the only character I’ve ever been able to relate to for this. I feel like it’s kind of misogynistic when people HC her as a trans guy or non binary with they/them pronouns. I’m all for HCing characters as trans, but with toph it feels weird.

She’s constrained by the expectations put upon her for being a girl in a patriarchal society and also being disabled, and how those two intersect. But her acceptance of being disabled & and a girl and breaking the stereotypes pushed upon her for those facets of her identity is the whole point! And as a disabled gnc woman, I feel like stripping her of her womanhood bc she’s masculine/androgynous is the same as stripping her of her disability because she’s strong. Idk

This is a really interesting perspective, anon! Outside of tumblr, I’m a prospective gender studies minor, and in my gender studies classes we have this practice called situating. Basically, I explain who I am, so you know where I’m coming from. Esp wrt things like race, gender, and sexuality, you can read and learn and listen to other people, but you’ll only ever truly know your own experience, and it’s important for people to know that’s where your perspective on a certain debate is coming from. So, hi, I’m Arthur, I’m an afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, my gender expression is very much in a period of flux because I don’t have the ability to socially or medically transition as much as I’d like, so, at least for right now, most people interpret me as a sometimes gnc cis woman. Because I’m most often interpreted as a cis girl, even though that is not who I am at all, I experience misogyny, and that is unfortunately part of my trans experience. That doesn’t give me the authority to speak over women at all, but I do think it was a large part of me noticing the misogyny in this fandom and deciding to write what I did (and I’m so glad it resonated with you!) All of that colors the way I view gnc characters, as well as trans/nonbinary characters, and misogyny, within fandom and without.

So, now that you understand where my thoughts are coming from, here they are. I definitely think it’s transphobic to hc Toph as a trans guy if you are not transmasc yourself. I’ve never seen trans guy hcs for Toph, but the idea of cis ppl equating this canonically cis girl character to someone who is unequivocally, indisputably, a guy, makes me super uncomfy. If there’s a trans guy out there who really relates to Toph and wants to create and develop that hc in a way that works for you, be my guest, but I do not have the authority or the desire to make trans guy Toph hcs.

As for the nonbinary thing... I will admit, they/them Toph hcs make me feel seen, probably the same way you feel seen by Toph as an unapologetically androgynous/masculine cis girl. I answered some asks a couple weeks ago about lesbian hcs, and in that I talked about how since both lesbians and bi girls are underrepresented in media, hcs that might make one group feel seen and valued are gonna make another group feel erased, and I’m not really sure how to resolve that. The same goes for hcs around androgynous afab characters: butch women and afab* nby folks have so little representation that hcs that make one group feel seen are going to make another group feel erased. As a afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, who has never connected with any concept of womanhood despite sometimes having a pretty femme gender expression, I do relate to Toph a whole lot. I’ve also had to navigate (and am still navigating!) a minefield of gendered expectations in a patriarchal society, and talking and listening to and reading about other trans people, it seems to be a pretty integral part of the trans experience (not that there is one sole trans experience, we’re all very different, but that’s a topic for another time). The gender binary is, after all, a central feature of Western white supremacist patriarchal constructions of gender, and if you deviate in any way, whether it’s through being gender nonconforming, or through being trans/nonbinary, you’re probably going to have to fight really hard to exist and survive and feel confident in your body and your expression, because society is constantly sending you the message that you are deviant and thus not worthy. And it’s nice to think of your favorite character as having some of the same experiences you do.

I will say, I see they/them Toph headcanons more often than I see they/them Katara or they/them Yue, and I’d encourage people to really dig deep and think about why they’re more comfortable hcing an androgynous character as being nonbinary than they would be a more obviously feminine character (especially since nonbinary folk come in all gender expressions). I also would just love to see more transfem hcs! People for whatever reason seem way more comfortable hcing male characters as trans guys than they do hcing female characters as trans girls (and the reason is transmisogyny--Mae @transtenzin made a post about this a couple months ago about how most transfem atla hcs are characters like Smellerbee, while transmasc hcs can center around more major characters like Zuko or Sokka--a wonderful post that I would link to if tumblr’s search function weren’t absolute shit.)

But at the end of the day, I am going to have to disagree with you on thinking of nonbinary Toph hcs as misogynistic, because I know as a disabled afab nonbinary person myself, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same struggles that Toph deals with in the show, and I’m sure there are a lot of other afab nonbinary folks who feel the same way. However, I understand feeling frustrated by people hcing a canonically androgynous female character as nonbinary. I hope what I’ve said here can offer you a little insight into the other side of this, and I so appreciate you offering me insight into your side.

Another thing to note: while I haven’t seen trans guy Toph hcs, I have seen people hc Toph as a he/him lesbian. He/him lesbians are of course a valued part of our community, and I applaud any and all he/him lesbian Toph hcs. Pronouns =/= gender.

Tl;dr don’t hc Toph as a trans guy unless you are a trans guy and even then I would tread lightly, gender and transness and representation is complicated and I’m not entirely sure how to resolve conflicts between different groups of marginalized people who are trying to find rep in opposing hcs of the same character, and imo hcing Toph as nonbinary is not misogynistic (but my opinion is not the final word on any subject!) Also, we stan he/him lesbians.

*amab nby folks of course also receive very little rep, probably even less than afab nby folks, and that is a very important conversation to have, but seeing as 1) this ask was about hcs for an afab character, and 2) I am not amab and therefore very unqualified to lead a conversation about hcing certain characters as amab or the larger field of amab nby rep, I thought it best to focus on afab nonbinary people in this post.

#technically I am gone but this ask tickled my gender philosophy bone so we're answering it #anons #replies #transphobia #transmisogyny #swearing tw #discourse

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lowkeyorloki · 3 years

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hi it's once again the author-name-ask anon, and you can call me cass if you'd like cuz judging by the shit that's gonna go down in the last act of asis... i will probably come crying and/or screaming in your inbox multiple times :)

speaking of the third act of asis, uhm excuse me ma'am I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS MUCH PAIN RIGHT OFF THE BAT? like that first bit about being a college freshman hit so so so close to home and then the part where loki knocks on y/n's door...my heart literally clenched at that. i was sitting in my math class reading the chapter and i knew it was gonna be angsty but omg i was not prepared for it to be THAT sad.

also me being both a dumbass and an ace thought 'skipping your period twice' at the end meant like a period in school but goddamn when it clicked in my brain i SCREECHED. it came as such a surprise but you also put enough clues pointing towards it that i had a mental-keyboard-smash moment

i originally was so sure the twist was gonna be about narvi telling people that y/n and loki are together (also pls tell me narvi's gonna be ok despite y/n and loki's situation, that kid deserves every good thing in the world) and now i really feel like that 'i connected the dots' 'you didn't connect shit' meme because i really didn't connect shit lol

wow do i have so many emotions about this chapter and i will never look towards anything as much as i look towards the next asis update. sorry for this long-ass ask lmao i'm just dshkushkshkhjkahahoeiui, you know?

omg hi cass it's so nice to meet you/put a name to the author-name-ask-anon :P i am SO excited for you to continue to scream in my inbox. never apologize for long asks because they literally make my day and that high keeps me going for WEEKS. i thrive off this type of thing so thank youuuuuuuu

okay, first: I AM KIND OF V E R Y nervous for y'all because everyone's reactions to the ~emotionalness~ of this chapter was much more intense than i thought. i figured everyone would focus on the cliffhanger, which did happen (like i wanted hehe) but i didn't think everyone would focus so much on the intensity and feelings. i am so glad those aspects are resonating with everyone though, because i did work hard on honing in on specific details and making it clear how messed up y/n is right now. that being said, with all ya'll's feelings about how painful/angsty this chapter was, i am very worried about the february 3rd update. even more so about the one after that. i wrote it (the update after the 3rd) a week or two ago, and just proofread it this afternoon and it's... wow. it is a lot even for me, and i 1) wrote it and 2) know how everything ends. it still knocked me off my feet for a couple minutes.

i'm also glad you liked that first scene. i think i said it in an ask earlier, but i actually changed it right before posting this morning. originally that scene was the reader reflecting on how much she hated getting laughing gas at the dentist, even though all her friends loved it. she didn't like it because it made her so foggy and able to comprehend the world around her, but not take any action. obviously i connected that to her feelings of apathy. i scrapped it because i felt like it was too niche or specific, and would be unrelatable (or worse, weird in a not fun or quirky way). glad my very last second decision paid off!!

i LOVE that you thought she missed her classes omg 😂that's so funny. but yes i have certainly written some sex scenes to be very obviously unprotected. i was surprised at how soon people forget the first time they didn't use a condom (right before the reader met narvi), but at the same time... i very intentionally followed that up with the introduction. it makes sense bc i moved on from that real quick so y'all could look back on it and the other FIVE OR SIX TIMES dramatically. take a shot everytime loki doesn't wrap it up you'll be drunk before you know it.

it's totally fair for you to have thought narvi would tell someone about them! loki + y/n are lucky, so far only the people they're closest to know. being found out is certainly the main conflict of most professor AUs, so i think that's a totally reasonable guess. and oh my gosh, i love how invested everyone is in narvi. we, the asis fandom, will do anything to make sure that kid comes out unscathed and i think that's awesome. also omg the "you didn't connect shit" meme is one of my all time favs cass you are so funny i hope you know that.

gahhhh i am just so excited for y'all to read the next update and also! to have a new friend!!

#cass #ask #asis #asis spoilers #also yeah loki stayed at the apartment for THREE hours that is such a long time #ouchie ouchie ouchie poor guy #also though: poor reader #she's not handling it well but whew i can't really blame her right now #thank you for the message <3333

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savrenim · 3 years

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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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