#and now the sequel just looks ehhhh. you know

[carcarrot]

old man yells at cloud about constant sequels

[who-do-i-know-this-man]

OKOKOKOKOK NEVERHOOD PROPAGANDA the neverhood is a point and click game from 1996, made entirely out of clay! every single setting, character, item, even text is made out of clay. the animation has SO much personality its unbelievably, its just pouring with so much love and dedication. ALSO the lore is Fucking Gigantic, at the beginning of the game it just throws this giant hallway at you containing the entirety of the game’s bible, which takes 5 minutes to just walk to the end of the hallway (warning bertbert’s sections is Very gross and also has the r slur so if you plan on reading the hall of records you should skip that part, but other than that the whole thing is extremely interesting and fascinating) ALSO the music is fucking FANTASTIC and so unique. it was made by terry scott taylor, and can be described as some man mumbling nonsense in your ear while strumming his banjo in the most charming way possible. the songs that dont fit that description just go hard as fuck.

ok now anti-propaganda the gameplay itself is, Eh. puzzles in it were bad and frustrating even for 1996, which is why it didnt get that popular in the first place. if u wanna play it you ABSOLUTELY need a walkthrough or just watch someone else play it, it’ll save a ton of frustration. the game itself sometimes just purposefully wants to fuck with the player, shown by how it gives them a 5 minute long hallway theyre Forced to walk through to progress, and how some puzzles are just so confusing and insufferable. also the creator, doug tennapel, fucking sucks so much its unbelievable (hardcore bigoted christian is the shortest explanation). when looking at neverhood’s lore it’s obvious how much inspiration it takes from stories from the bible and just overall religious shit, which is upsetting once you know what the creator is like

there was also a sequel made of it in 1998, skullmonkeys! it follows the story directly after the neverhood, but instead of being point n click, its a platformer! the game again imo wasnt too great, the devs forgot to add music to the final and most climactic fight of the game and the gameplay was ehhhh, but it had the exact charm of the neverhood - being the charming animation and music. there was also a game called “klaymen gun hockey” released in japan bc NH was extremely popular there, and though it doesnt follow with the story at all and wasnt even made by the og devs, its Technically canon bc iirc dreamworks licensed the game? which i think is just a funny little fact. heres klaymen and fin fin :o)

^

[vickyvicarious]

Thanks to y'all I finished the Marsh Masterpiece and you weren't exaggerating and, as you had pointed out, it sucks at depicting the aftermaths of assault (among the things that made my Syrian ass sigh as much as every other anti-middle eastern propaganda shit out there) bc it handles trauma so bizarrely? Holt is tortured by the caricature, and upon seeing Paul L who he admired react with terror about that same caricature, he proceeds to lose respect for him for being unmasculine. Paul proceeds to care about his kidnapped fiancee's state of purity above all. Marjorie is attacked by the bug in her own bed and her reaction to Holt's fear of the same bug is contempt. There was a rife opportunity there for exploration, like how shared trauma between lovers affects their relationship. Look at how the once meek and scared Harker forsakes his soul if his love is forsaken, how he called the vampires devils of the pit and now chooses to share a bed with a devil, or how the once bubbly and confident in her goodness Mina asks him to vow to brutalize her and internalizes her Fallen state as deserving. Boom, cause and effect- the villain has irreversibly changed them and their relationship and we see how they deal with that. With the Beetle, what was even the point?

The saddest thing about this is that it reminds me of how much HAS NOT changed in media depicting assault. It's for so many times JUST for shock value and/or demonization of a group of people. Modern police dramas and fantasy series are notoriously bad about this, though not just them. But yeah, great to know that people always loved sexplotation crap...

First of all: I sincerely apologize for my part in getting you to read the entirety of this book. (said jokingly, but also a little bit not, haha)

And YEAH, everything you said is so right. There's not just a weird handling of trauma, but this bizarre disconnect between all the characters. None of them have empathy for one another, even when the source of their fear/trauma is literally the exact same person (though 'caricature' is in many ways a better word, not like the Beetle gets much personality outside of a bunch of racist stereotypes in a trenchcoat), most of the time even via them acting in the same ways. And so the result is this story where none of the characters really connect with one another in a meaningful way. That's definitely not the only problem, but - as I saw in a meta from @animate-mush earlier today - in The Beetle, things just seem to happen to the characters, and the horror is more about their helplessness. In Dracula, the characters feel and do things all the time! Often, those aren't the right feelings or actions, or the characters wind up feeling like they're participating in the evil, thus fostering that horror of complicity. But in this book, our ongoing jokes that nothing anyone does affects the plot at all are... not really jokes, they're pretty true. If all the POV characters had done nothing at all, the Beetle still would have hypnotized someone else to steal Paul Lessingham's letters, still would have terrorized/kidnapped Marjorie, and still would have died in the train crash (setting aside the sequel-bait "or did they live after all...?" moment). Not only did they do very little in the first place, what they did was irrelevant. I guess you can say that ties into the theme of the horror, but, ehhhh.

And again, you are absolutely correct about the missed opportunity for conflict/growth between the couple. They spend almost no time together outside of flashbacks, and don't confide in one another at all, let alone explore their changed relationship. But also, to zoom out from just them... for a novel which is at least 70% people telling one another stories about what happened to them, no one actually reacts to those stories very much. In Dracula, Jonathan's diary provokes strong reactions in everyone who reads it, and directly/very importantly informs their next actions. Mina's account of Whitby gives Van Helsing the push to start the hunt for vamped!Lucy, and Seward's records give the clue that Renfield is connected to Dracula in some way. Even the Captain of the Demeter's log, read after his death, gives added context to the hunt and helps set them on their box chase which is of vital importance. The characters not only tell each other their stories - and write letters, and look up records - but they are changed and brought closer by the sharing of their experiences. The whole process is a unifying one.

The Beetle doesn't do any of that. After hearing Holt's account, Marjorie and Sydney unsympathetically take him to revisit the source of his trauma. Sydney, despite knowing she's telling the truth, tries to dismiss Marjorie the entire time she's talking to him. Champnell privately judges Paul Lessingham throughout his story. Marjorie and Paul don't really talk at all! Even when all of the characters come together for the final chase, they spend half the time talking over/insulting/arguing with one another. Both because they haven't all shared information fully in the first place, and because none of them have been changed or emotionally affected too much by one another's stories. The whole book reminds me of this excerpt from a critical essay about Dracula where the author claimed that there's a horrible bitter rivalry between all the suitors and their proclamations of love and friendship are lies. It's the worst bad faith interpretation of the text... and one Richard Marsh, seemingly, would have looked at and went "let's make that canon!"

Finally... it really is sadly true how little some things have changed. I mean, certainly, you can find a lot of much better depictions of trauma and aftermath (and companionship and less racism and better writing and-) nowadays. But equally, you can find plenty, scads upon scads, of the same kind of awful tropes as Marsh used (I can easily come up with some common ones in police detective shows especially). Maybe the worst part is that they can normalize terrible associations/expectations in a casual audience without them even realizing. And even in more nuanced stories, lots of people have very reductive interpretations. (See: the above mentioned Dracula essay. Or any of the many Dracula adaptations that claim to be more feminist or something while playing into just as bad and in some cases worse tropes as the original.) In a lot of ways, many of our modern tropes and interpretations around race/sex/gender/etc. are often not any more enlightened than Victorian ones were. Not always, of course! But more than enough.

[chiefsurgeon-trapperjohn]

i'm reading MASH goes to Maine right now, i was wondering if there are any of the books you recommend more than others and why

Aw I'm glad you turned to me! :) The book I recommend above all others is, of course, the first one. The only story that actually takes place during the Korean War, and is the (shaky) foundation of the TV show so many know and love... it's also a riot, I think it's probably the funniest book and definitely the most engaging, and anyone only familiar with the show or movie will recognize the most faces here.

None of the other books take place in Korea or wartime at all, it's mostly just the gang cavorting around until they get to the place in the title and then the plot somewhat halts. Most of the beloved characters from the first book don't appear in any of the sequels. So keep that in mind while reading - could you really call it MASH if it doesn't take place in a MASH unit? Well, maybe... ehhhh... that's a question for another day.

But M*A*S*H goes to Maine definitely isn't a bad followup, I did enjoy reading it, although I found it a bit hard to get into the new characters and that's true for the rest of the books as well.

Other MASH books I recommend... well, all of them are relatively brief and make for some good laughs, if their plots aren't the strongest. To me, they become a bit interchangeable and blend together. M*A*S*H goes to San Francisco isn't bad, you should give that one a look. (That's the one I finished most recently so it's the most prominent in my brain, though.) I don't think there's much chronological order to the books so you don't necessarily have to read any except the first to understand what's going on.

Sorry this took so long to get to! Happy reading!

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[azulsartdump]

A Rose for a Rose

A little sequel to a scenario that @r0setarts write a while back. You can find that post right here featuring Trey, Riddle, and Cater visiting the Valley of Thorns for a renaissance faire with our OC’s Azul, Marsella, and @tri3tri ’s OC Mirabelle! 

This time.

This time Marsella’s plan was going to work out.

After the disaster of the last summer festival she attended, Marsella had been plotting for the day she’d have the chance to put her matchmaking skills to work once again. No longer would she be foiled by accidentally eating faery fruit or drunkenly starting bar fights. She was a more informed woman now, and her scheme to couple up her friends was going to come to fruition this time.

Trey and Mirabelle had gone off on their own to enjoy the festival. Riddle and Azul were really starting to enjoy themselves as the faery shot down another prize from the booth’s game, and there wasn’t a fruit stall in sight. Everything was going so smoothly. That was until Sebek had come running toward them, fully suited up in armor, and loudly shouting that he needed Azul’s help.

“Lady Attwood!” the half-fae’s voice boomed across the walkway, clear as day despite the bustling noises of the festival’s crowds. After pushing through the sea of people, he saluted the group before voicing his request. “Some of the knights are having trouble with their armor. Do you think you could spare some time to help us?”

Much to Marsella’s dismay, the older woman eagerly agreed.

“Of course, Seb-chan!” Azul began leading Sebek back the way he came, calling over her shoulder as they left. “You guys can go ahead and enjoy the festival without me for a bit! I’ll come find you once I’m done!” 

Once they were out of view, Marsella clicked her tongue. Of course Sebek would sweep in out of nowhere and ruin her plans, the party pooper. 

“Hey, I heard that the jousting tournament is going to start soon. We should probably make our way over there if we want to see it.” Cater seemed to sense Marsella’s displeasure, and was quick to suggest an activity to take her mind off the unexpected bump in the road.

“Jousting tournament?” Marsella had read about them in books, but she’d never witnessed one in person. The loudmouthed half-fae may have ruined her scheme, but she was going to at least enjoy looking at the dashing knights of the Valley of Thorns Azul always told her about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marsella’s tantrum successfully avoided, the group made their way to the main stage, a small section was fenced off in the center where a jousting ring had been set up. The trio found a section of the fencing that wasn’t already occupied as the trumpets signaling the start of the competition sounded. The crowd around them muttered excitedly as one of the festival workers loudly read the tournament’s rules.

“Oh, is that?” One of the festival attendees nearby pointed to a particular knight. Unlike the usual black and green armor that most knights wore, this one in particular donned their black armor with accents of red and a long blue plume atop their helmet. 

“Ehhhh, it’s been a while since that lady knight participated.”

“What? The lady knight is going to be jousting today?”

“Hurry! It’s been forever since we’ve seen the lady knight joust!”

All around them, people began to gather to see the knight in black and red. Marsella knew that the Valley of Thorns didn’t necessarily bar females from becoming knights, but it was indeed rather rare for one to prove themselves worthy of representing a noble family in an official competition. If the murmurs among the crowd were anything to base her assumptions off of as well, this lady seemed to be rather established amongst the regular festival attendees as well.

The first few rounds progressed smoothly. The sound of horses galloping, wooden lances breaking, and metal clanging loudly against the ground resonated through the square as cheers and whistles sounded from the audience.

“Knight of Bloodworth,” the announcer gestured to the red knight as she trotted up to the jousting barrier. Marsella couldn’t quite put her finger on where, but she had heard that name before. Bloodworth.

As the bell sounded, the horses charged toward each other, the crack of a shattered lance and the clanging of metal on the ground brought the round to a close. The red knight sat proudly upon her steed as her opponent quickly righted himself, another two knights making their way over to help him off the ground.

“16 points to Bloodworth for a shattered lance and an unhorsing!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the tournament proceeded similarly. At some point, they had spotted Sebek, waving to him as he removed his helmet after his rounds were completed. As the tournament finished and the judges began to tally the points, a lull in the excitement had given the group a chance to chat.

“Bloodworth...” Marsella repeated the name once again.

“The female knight, right?” Riddle asked. “Do you know her?”

“I’ve definitely heard the name before,” Marsella held the bridge of her nose as she contemplated, hoping if she concentrated enough, an epiphany would wash over her. “I just don’t remember where.”

The announcer made his way onto the main stage again, drawing the attention of the crowed back to him with the sound of the trumpet. 

“Thank you for your patience!” the man unrolled a small scroll and cleared his throat. “After tallying the results and factoring in penalties, I’d be a great honor to announce the results of today’s jousting tournament!”

The crowd waited with baited breath as a small parade of drummers built up anticipation. 

“The winner of this year’s jousting tournament is the Knight of Bloodworth!”

The crowd cheered as the knight in red made her way to the stage. 

“Allow me to congratulate you for bringing honor to the Bloodworth name once again!” The announcer took the knight’s hand to shake. “And to present you with the prize for this tournament, a rose to give to a fair maiden of your choosing!”

As the knight took the rose, she looked around the crowd, scanning as if she were searching for someone. Marsella couldn’t make out her face under the helmet, but the knight’s gaze seemed to land on her before starting to approach. Marsella started to panic a bit. It’d be rude to reject a gift in front of so many people, especially after such a display of skill and strength to win the aforementioned gift. She was sure that Malleus would be upset if he heard she accepted a rose from a knight, though, and that was the last thing Marsella wanted to happen.

The knight stopped in front of her and Marsella held her breath, mind still racing as she contemplated weather to accept or reject the flower. Before she could say anything, though, the knight instead held the rose out to the short red-headed boy beside her. 

“Eh?” The brunette looked between the pair, unable to decide if she was relieved or offended through her confusion.

“Uhhh.. I- Um. What- Wh..?” Riddle stumbled over his words before managing to collect himself and accepting the flower. “Thank you. May I have your name?”

The sound of familiar bright laughter echoed from within the helmet.

“Whaaaaat? I only left you for a little while and you forgot about me already?” the knight reached up to remove her helmet, revealing that the helmet’s blue plume was not actually a decoration, but was in fact a ponytail. A ponytail belonging to a very familiar female faery.

“Eh? But your last name is Attwood, isn’t it Zu-chan?” Cater’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “The guy said Bloodworth.” As Marsella stared at Azul in her armor, it finally clicked.

“Ah! I remember!” she shouted as she pointed toward the older woman. “Bloodworth is your mother’s name!”

“Y-Yeah. I thought you knew.” Azul blinked in surprise at the exclaimed statement. “Did you not realize I was participating until just now?”

“Ahahaha... Yeah,” Marsella embarrassingly twirled as strand of hair around her finger. “For a second, I thought some random knight was about to declare their love for me with a rose. You know, like in all the stories you used to tell me about these festivals.”

The faery let a loud whoop of laughter escape her, wiping a tear away with her sleeve. 

“Oh darling,” Azul began to calm herself as she spoke again. “I normally would have given it to you. But since Riddle was here, I thought it’d be more fitting. A rose for a Rosehearts, you know?”

Marsella proudly gazed upon the red-faced Riddle as he spoke to the older fae before him. Even if things didn’t go exactly as she planned, she had to admit she was quite satisfied with the result. She didn’t think she’d ever do this, but she’d have to thank Sebek for his help later.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

My Green Signal Samurai Girlfriend ~ Miles Edgeworth/Mitsurugi Reiji

(( This GIF was called WAIFU and this cracks me up so much- ))

(( Also, this is going to be part of a 2 parts series, the other one, a Sequel, being called My Green Signal Samurai Fiancee, that I’ll hopefully write...And finish soon enough~! Edgey deserves some love ~ <3 ))

“Ehhhh?! Sis, you never told me you were friends with Nick!! How come?! When?!” Maya jumped up an down in shock, her big, sparkly eyes boring into her elder sister’s amused eyes. “Really? Phoenix never bothered to mention me? At all? Nix, I’m hurt, what about this?!” the elder girl mocked being hurt and taking out the Green Signal Samurai keychain. “What’s with that thing and why do you all seem to have it?” she asked again, admiring it closely. “A-Ahhh...W-Well, I’m sorry, Y/N, I guess it didn’t cross my mind that Maya didn’t know about our friendship. We’ve been friends since we were little, in school. Larry and Miles have one too, it’s a symbol of our friendship. Y/N had green, I had blue, Larry yellow and Miles red.” Phoenix explained, taking out the keychain from his drawer. “You keep it hidden away in a drawer, while I’ve had it attached to my keys since then. You truly are cruel, Nix!” she laughed, ruffling his spiky hair. “How did you become friends anyway? You 4 are so different...It sounds so weird!” Maya asks again, sitting on the opposite arm rest of the sofa her sister was on, while Phoenix sat in the middle, a nostalgic smile on his face. “Well, you see...It all started one day...” and so, Nix began narrating the story of the 4 Signal Samurais.

It was a normal school day like any other, with Miles studying, Y/N doodling and passing notes with Larry, who fell asleep mid-class, and Phoenix who looked cluelessly at the blackboard, since math was never his subject, so he had to ask the girl for help all the time.

That day, however, Phoenix wasn’t feeling well, so he skipped P.E., preferring to do some homework in class, which is when he found an envelope that was supposed to have money in it...But it was empty.

As he was holding the envelope, looking at it curiously, realising that the owner must be missing it, the door suddenly got opened, and a girly gasp was heard, which created chaos among all the other kids coming in.

Phoenix Wright was accused of being a thief.

The teacher made everyone get in a half-circle around him, making them point their fingers accusatory at him, saying ‘THIEF!’, while the teacher was watching with an almost satisfied expression on her face, seeing the kid cry, not being able to defend himself.

“Tell the truth, Phoenix.” she’d say, not even caring to hear his end of the story. “But I didn’t do it!” he tried to say, which made the teacher sigh and shake her head. “Now, Phoenix, apologise to Miles.” she said again, which made one of the girls that leaned on the wall, away from the commotion, get out of the shadows, standing in a defending T-pose in front of her friend. “THAT’S ENOUGH! If Nix said he didn’t do it, then he didn’t do it! Look at him, he’s a whiny cry-baby, do you really think he’s capable of thievery?! You should all be ashamed of you for being such bullies! SHAME ON YOU!” she screamed at everyone, even the teacher, not caring about any repercussion. “OBJECTION!” a loud and stern voice boomed from behind them, just as Larry was about to get up. “Miles...!” the girl’s eyes widened in shock and appreciation as she saw the boy point at the wave of kids with a determined and firm expression on his face. “Edgeworth...?” Phoenix’s bottom lip quivered as he clenched the back of the girl’s Tshirt, watching the boy shine. “It’s as Fey said. It wasn’t you who stole my money, was it?” Miles asked, as the boy was merely able to nod. “Then hold your head high. Everyone’s been shouting that you did it, but no one has any proof.” he continued, looking sure of himself. “Wh-What are you saying?!” one of the boys asked in confusion. “It was your money that was stolen.” another girl pointed out. “We don’t need proof.” a new boy shrugged uncaringly. “In a court of law, evidence tells all.” Miles slammed his hands on a desk, as if he was a true lawyer, like his dad. “Before you have the pretension to hold a class trial, at least realise that!” he scolded everyone. “Yeah, knock it of already! He said he didn’t do it!” Larry stepped on the desk, yelling at the others. “Larry...!” Phoenix looked at the chestnut haired boy with shock. “This is always how it is, everybody ganging up picking on one person. Aren’t you guys ashamed of yourselves?” Larry continued defending his friend. “The defendant has pled not guilty. Without evidence to prove his guilt...Your Honor, this boy is innocent! I rest my case. This trial is over. Court is adjourned!” Miles ended this whole charade, and the teacher could only agree and dismiss the class.

Phoenix ran after Miles, and Larry ran after them, which made Y/N rush to get to them as well, grinning at how cool that was, as the brunet boy thanked all of them.

“Always help the ones in need! That’s the Signal Samurai’s signal motto.” Larry said walking ahead, holding a bag of dog food in his arms. “Oh, you like Signal Samurai too?! I watch it every week!” Phoenix gasped in glee. “I’m totally Yellow!” Larry grinned, turning around to look at the others. “And I’m Blue!” Nix counted in. “Good choice, that guy is sharp!” Larry praised his choice. “Oh, oh, can I be Green?! Pretty please?!” the girl smiled timidly, clasping her hands together. “Ah, yes, of course! That gal is so cool!” Larry nodded his head vigorously. “Ultimate Move: Sally Forth!” Nix got the Blue Samurai’s pose. “What about you, Miles?” the girl asked the boy who seemed so confused. “Why are you three getting worked up? You aren’t kids.” the boy in cause rolled his eyes, as if he was an adult. “But we are kids!” Phoenix grinned at him.

Then, Miles asked about the dog and why Larry had dog food on him, and as soon as the girl looked down, she started squealing and picked up the puppy, cuddling and nuzzling her face in its extra fluffy fur, as the pup started licking her face.

As soon as it was done with licking her face, it started looking intently at Miles, struggling a bit to get the boy to pet it. That’s when they found out that Larry found the pup in an adoption carton box, which pissed off the girl big time.

But then...They realised that nobody could keep it, so they started looking for the owner, and thankfully, Miles was smart enough to deduce the place from the almost erased address on the cardboard box.

During the walk there, the dog kept trying to get Miles to acknowledge its presence, as the boy only did the Hansel and Gretel trick, but with dog treats instead...

And every time to puppy would make a cute sound, the girl would squeal at how adorable it was, hugging it more.

“Like I said, I’ve never seen this dog before.” the woman from apartment 2202 said. “Really? Because he’s so happy to see you!” the girl gave her a suspicious look. “Look, we don’t care anymore.” the woman scoffed in annoyance. “Abandoning small animals is a crime. If you’re reported, not only will you be investigated, you may also be fined.” Miles spoke in an almost business-like tone. “Oh? Let’s see you try! I’ll pay as much as it takes!” the woman yelled at them, scaring Miles. “So you have the money to pay for fines, but not for taking care of a small dog? Why did you even get it in the first place, huh? How can you be so cruel and abandon a living being who loves you more than it loves itself?! Are you sure you even have a heart at all, you stone cold heartless bitch?!” the got in the woman’s face, yelling at her loudly. “Who do you think you are?! A little snotty brat, threatening an adult?!” the woman glared down at Y/N. “Don’t you feel any ounce of sadness or pity for him?! Would you throw your own child on the streets when you get bored of him too?!” the girl refuted instantly. “Sh-Shut up already! G-Give it a rest, or I’ll call the cops!” the woman started stuttering, realising how much of a jerk she was. “Forget it! This dog deserves better! It deserves a place where people genuinely love him and show him affection, not this...This! Not you! You don’t deserve any kind of love for being so cruel!” the girl had tears welling up in her eyes, as she picked up the dog and rushed away from there, not wanting to let those tears spill.

As soon as she got down from the building, walking in the park, she quickly wiped her tears with the sleeve of her dress and hugged the dog, kissing his head and nose.

“You were so cool, Y/N!” Larry praised the girl, who only looked down. “I just...Can’t stand injustice against animals who can’t speak or defend themselves...” she muttered softly. “All right, but didn’t you say you couldn’t keep that animal?” Miles asked in curiosity. “...That’s right. I’ll...I’ll...I’ll try to buy him food...And I’ll make a little bed for him from my old clothes...And I’ll try to train him to stay in front of the house so I can take care of him....” she spoke, not even once raising her head to meet their eyes. “Then I shall take him. You can come help me raise him, if you want. I shall ask my father.” he spoke nonchalantly. “R-Really?! You’re the best, Miles! Promise I’ll come every day to help!” the girl threw her arms around the boy, the dog in between them, licking his face, as he couldn’t help but blush like crazy. “You’re so cool, Miles!” Phoenix grinned at him. “You’re kind of a bro, Edgey!” Larry fist pumped the air. “D-Don’t be so ridiculous! And y-you’re too close! ...Let’s just go home.” he started walking ahead of everyone, revealing the trick he made as the dog started following the treats, and when they got to the crossroads, everyone convinced the red clothed boy to watch Signal Samurai.

Of course, his dad was incredibly understanding, no matter how stiff he appeared, and thus, blossomed a beautiful friendship that would last for ages in their hearts...

- - -

“EHHHHH?! Nick, you can’t be serious! Y/N sounds much too excitable than now!! Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?!” Maya gasped, shaking Phoenix by his shoulders. “H-Hey, Maya, I was a kid too, you know?” her elder sister sweat dropped. “At least we know Larry didn’t change too much, huh?” Nix chuckled in amusement as he turned on the TV...

And saw that Miles Edgeworth was accused of murder.

Fantastic.

The girl gasped and rushed out of the place before anyone could even blink, and go to the Detention Center, asking to see Miles in the Visitor’s room.

“You’re the last person I was expecting to see.” he said, not daring to look at the woman in front of him. “What in the world happened, Miley? I know you are not a murderer...So...Please tell me the truth.” she finally managed to take a deep breath and sit down in the chair opposite of him, on the other end of the glass. “Don’t call me that, we’re not 9 anymore.” he scoffed, a faint blush of embarrassment on his face. “The blush on your face says otherwise. Besides...You will always be my dear Miley, no matter what you say.” she smiled softly at him. “Give it a rest. I have no way of getting out of it, even though I didn’t do it. There’s too much evidence that points against me.” he shook his head, crossing his arms and leaning back on the chair. “That doesn’t mean that you did it! Justice always prevails, Miles Edgeworth! Don’t think that I or Nix are going to let you be taken away from us again!” the girl smirked in a cruel and dead-set determination. “What does Wright have to do with anything?” Miles tried to ask, but the door was slammed open, revealing the person in cause, along with the woman’s younger sister. “I’ve never seen you run so fast, Y/N.” Nix panted, catching his breath. “I only run like that when in danger or when responsibilities are chasing me.” she giggled in amusement. “What are you doing here?” Miles asked with a condescending voice. “Edgeworth, tell us what happened.” Phoenix demanded in a strict voice. “What are you going to do about it?” he shot back. “Let me defend you.” the lawyer said, but the prosecutor chuckled in mock amusement. “Defend me? You? Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a novice who’s only been in 3 trials. Yes, you’ve got lucky and won all 3, but your luck’s bound to run out some day. You need real skill. Experience. And regardless, I don’t want either of you involved in this. Leave.” Miles got up to leave, which made the woman shot up from her chair, making it fall from the sudden burst. “Are you crazy, Miles Edgeworth?! You think that after all this time, I’m going to allow you to walk away from me...From us...Again? Let us help you for once, damn it! You’re not alone in this world!” the h/c woman slammed her hands on the table in front of her, making the man stop dead in his tracks, not saying anything. “Let me just ask you one thing, Edgeworth. You didn’t do it, right? Right?” Phoenix asked again, but Miles only hung his head. “Stay out of this case.” he muttered, before leaving completely. “...I’m gonna kill this guy. I’ll go investigate some place...And I’ll try to get him to accept your defense. See you later.” the woman’s voice was dry, almost deadpan, which confused her younger sister. “Why is Y/N so upset over this thing with Edgeworth? Isn’t he a total jerk?” she asked, which made Nix look down with a small smile. “Miles Edgeworth and Y/N Fey hold a...Much stronger bond than we ever did, and I’ll leave it at that. Let’s go investigate too, Maya.” he explained, leaving the girl more confused than ever.

There were many places to investigate in just a few mere hours, but when they were done, they all returned to the same place, yet this time, Phoenix and Maya got there faster than Y/N.

“Hmmm....? Phoenix, don’t try to steal Miley from me.” she tried to stifle her laugh with her hand. “Wh-What?! N-No, Y/N, this is not-” Nix’s eyes widened with panic, as Edgey could only look away with a soft blush. “So, on a grim note, if Phoenix is here, I’m sure this means he realised this relates to the DL-6 incident, huh? Did you get over the details, Miles?” she asked, leaning on Phoenix, who was sitting. “You’re incurable, Y/N Fey, but you’re not wrong, of course. That night, Hammond asked to see me for the first time in 15 years. He said he had something to tell me about the case. We set out by boat, but before he told me anything, I heard gunfire, and the next thing I knew, I was alone on the boat.” Miles explained what happened. “Any clue who shot?” she asked, paying attention to every word. “No, I didn’t see anyone. I picked up the pistol without thinking...I really...Don’t want you involved in this case. It’s my problem and mine alone.” Miles looked down again, making the woman tsk in annoyance. “Yours and yours alone? First of all, what about my mother, Misty Fey, who disappeared after people started threatening her and calling her a fraud? I’m sure that I and Maya deserve to know the truth behind the DL-6 incident. And...Honestly, Miles? I said it once, and I’m going to say it again, for the last time. I’m not letting you face your problems alone anymore.” she glared down at him with fire in her eyes. “It’s exactly as my sister said...No matter how painful it is, we have to know the truth! And not only that, but Y/N, Nick and Gumtree believe in you from the bottom of their hearts! So please, place your faith in us, too! Let Nick defend you and let Y/N support you!” Maya raised her voice to get Miles to accept. “Very well. It pains me to ask this now, but...Would you please defend me?” he asked, almost embarrassed. “Say no more. We were going to defend you, even if you didn’t accept.” Y/N shrugged with an obvious smirk on her face. “You can count on us!” Nix smiled at his friend. “Who could have guessed this day would come?” Miles closed his eyes in disdain. “This is my chance to finally repay you." Nix spoke with enthusiasm. “Repay me...?” Edgey blinked in confusion. “Never mind. It’s okay if you’ve forgotten.” Nix shook his head dismissively. “This is going to be an uphill battle.” Miles warns them. “Yes, I know-” Nix tries to agree, but is quickly cut off. “No, you don’t. You don’t know how terrifying the God of prosecutors, Manfred von Karma, is.” Miles says, making all of them gasp in disbelief. “Karma’s going against you?!” Y/N bit her lip in worry. “In his 40 year career, he has not lost a single case. He is truly a miracle prosecutor. Manfred von Karma...A frightening man who will do anything and everything it takes to win.” Miles muttered, his voice holding a tint of worry. “...And we have the Miracle of Christmas on our side. And the Four Signal Samurais. Not even Hurricane Karma can go against us.” Y/N scoffed condescendingly, making the man in cause chuckle softly. “Hurricane Y/N, rather.” Edgeworth chuckled softly, barely audible, making the girl grin widely. “That’s the Miley I know and love!” Y/N almost seemed to be glowing with determination and fire.

The next day, they had to walk to the courtroom, and everyone seemed nervous...Anxious for the trial to come.

“Manfred von Karma is 10 times as vicious as I.” Miles gave Phoenix a heads up, and he seemed to gulp. “They say that the biggest threat in the world is a scorned woman. Karma won’t know what hit him.” she smirked, flipping her long hair back. “Don’t take him lightly, Y/N.” the silver haired man gave her a warning look.

But before she could reply, they noticed Karma waiting in the middle of the corridor, no doubt waiting for them, just so he could shame his adoptive son.

Giving the elderly man the stink eye, before taking Edgeworth by the arm and guiding him to the court room, not before giving his hand a reassuring squeeze and winking at him.

                            December 26, 10 AM                     District Court - Courtroom No. 3

Prosecutor: Manfred von Karma

“Court is now in session.” the judge hit his hammer to make everyone silent. “The defense is ready, Your Honour.” Phoenix spoke out, loud and clear. “Is the prosecution ready?” the judge asked Karma, but he sketched no gesture.  “Uhh...Prosecutor Karma?” the judge pressed on, only for the lawyer to snap his finger and point one of them towards us, the defense, with a patronosing look on his face. “Fool! You seriously think I would stand here, were I not completely prepared?” Karma snapped his head. “R-Right, my apologies!” the judge hid his face behind the hammer. “What a pushover!” the Fey sisters, along with Phoenix, were jaw-dropped at how stupid the judge is.

And so, Karma called the first witness to stand before us and testify.

Witness: District Police - Detective Dick Gumshoe

“This is a map of Gourd Lake, the crime scene. At 12:10 AM, a woman heard a gunshot and looked at the lake, where she saw 2 men on a boat. The next instant, another gunshot rang out, and one of the men fell into the lake. The night of the murder, the lake was covered by fog-” the detective explained in detail, until he was rudely interrupted by the prosecutor. “That’s enough! Next, testify to the court about your arrest.” Karma ordered the policeman. “Actually, I’m the one who’s supposed to handle these proceedings...” the judge tried to say, but was once again stopped by the jerk. “Wrong. There is only one thing you need to do here. You will slam down your gravel and say the world “Guilty”.” he pointed towards the judge, who once again, hid behind his judge hammer. “Don’t get too hasty, throwing such accusations, unless the trial is over! You’re going to influence the jury and the judge!” Y/N yelled accusatory at the prosecutor, who only smirked at her in victory. “The police got a call after 12:30 AM and arrived at the scene 5 minutes later and apprehended Mr. Edgeworth, whom they found nearby.” GumDick explained further. “Did they find anything at the time?” Karma asked professionally. “Yes, sir. The pistol thought to be the murder weapon...” the detective said, looking a bit unsure. “Were there any fingerprints on it?” Karma pressed the policeman, until it was confirmed that Miles’s fingerprints were on the gun. “The next morning, a man’s body was found in the lake. Estimated time of death was around midnight. He was shot once through the heart...Fatally.” Gumtree continued his testimony.

After that, Karma brought forth the bullet and had the detective confirm it was the matching bullet...

Only to have Nix stupidly asked again what “ballistic markings” means, which made both Fey sisters and the detective fall to the ground at the idiotic question.

Then, we found out that Mr. Hammond summoned Edgeworth to the scene...And since Miles refused to explain why he was summoned...

Karma used all the evidence provided so far to use them to proclaim Miles as the culprit...

And called the next witness, who heard the gunfire, and he asked her to describe what she saw on the night of the murder.

Witness: Self-Proclaimed Journalist - Lotta Hart

“It was Christmas Eve, just after midnight, I reckon. I was asleep in my tent, when I heard this bang comin’ from the lake. I looked toward the lake and faintly saw two gents in the fog. Then, there was another bang.” Lotta explained in a very dramatic way. “She happened to take a photo of the moment.” Karma snapped his fingers, showing a picture of tho people standing in a boat. “It was the victim and the defendant on the boat, ergo, it couldn’t have been anyone but Miles Edgeworth who fired! There we have it, this trial is over.” Karma pointed accusatory towards Phoenix, making him hit his back on the wood wall behind him. “OBJECTION! That picture is clearly much too foggy to be certain that one of the person is surely Miles, while the other is surely the victim! You can’t give a verdict so soon! The defense hasn’t even cross-examined your statement!” the girl glared, slamming her hands on the table in front of her. “Very well. You may ask one, and only one, question.” Karma scoffed condescendingly. “You have no right to asses limits to our question limits!” she refuted immediately. “If it changes nothing, we will proceed to the verdict.” the prosecutor smirked at us. “The judge gas already found the prosecution’s evidence decisive. We have no choice but to accept his terms.” Miles frowned, closing his eyes, accepting his fate. “To hell with that, Miles Edgeworth! I’m not leaving this place until we’ve declared you innocent! Karma, we accept your conditions. Phoenix, I’m sure you realised the plot hole in Lotta’s testimony!” the girl spoke with such a strong sense of justice that it made Miles snap his eyes open, looking at her in awe. “Plot hole...? Hmm....Hmmmmm....Ah! Yes, you’re right, Y/N! Ms. Hart, when you heard the second...” Nix began, making the woman continue. “There was a loud bang, and then another.” she turned around, throwing her arms in the air. “Did you clearly see the boat or the two men?” Nix asked, making the girl sweat drop awkwardly. “J-Just look at the photo. Clear enough for you?” she tried to defend her testimony. “I wasn’t asking about the photo, I was asking if you saw-” Phoenix corrected her, only to be interrupted by Karma, which in turn made the judge end the cross-examination. “Then give your verdict, judge!” Karma smirked in victory, only for the woman to yell at him. “OBJECTION! Lotta, your testimony isn’t 100% true as you claim it is. I clearly said before, but it seems nobody wants to listen, being prejudiced against Miles Edgeworth. The fog makes the photograph unclear, so nobody can be certain who the two people actually are. In addition, you refuse to elaborate whether you saw the two man or not, which makes me believe you didn’t, which is why you’re trying to evade this question. Tell us the truth, Lotta Hart! This is a matter of life or death! We are talking about the innocence of a man here, this is not just some game or a silly journalistic sensation you put in a newspaper! It’s the life and future of a person!” Y/N L/N had tears welling up in her eyes, her heart hurting so much, that she was afraid it would burst...Miles Edgeworth...Miley...He didn’t deserve something so cruel. “Why’re you makin’ me out to be the bad guy?! I-I saw him! I clearly saw Edgeworth!” Lotta stuttered, pointing towards Miles, who couldn’t keep his eyes away from the woman defending him so fiercely. “Judge! Declare the defense in contempt of court.” Karma pointed towards the defending table. “Escord Mr. Wright out of the court-” the judge cleared his throat, making the woman sigh and hang her head. “Wait! I was the one who made the outburst and spoke out of line. Phoenix Wright did nothing improper. It should be me taken out of here, not him. I’m not a lawyer, I���m a doctor, and I act on emotions and try to bring justice and save the people I care about. If you want to give a punishment, I’ll take it, but Phoenix Wright is innocent...However, did you hear what Lotta Hart said? She said she clearly saw Miles Edgeworth. THAT was not in the testimony!” the woman pointed towards the witness, only to make the prosecutor growl in irritation, obviously feeling called out. “Judge, throw this woman out of the court!” Karma accused her, making several policemen burst in and escort Y/N outside of the place. “I have faith in you, Phoenix! Save Miles, I know you and Maya can do it!” were her last words before being thrown out of the courtroom.

Miles couldn’t even concentrate on his own case - His eyes were fixated on the door, the very door through which Y/N was dragged out, just because she had too much fire wanting to defend him.

His thoughts...Y/N...Why would she go through so much trouble just for him? 

She was never one to want to stand out or embarrass herself...She was always a shy and cute kid, not wanting to bother anyone...

And yet, this is just as before, when she defended Phoenix.

It was then and only then...And that time with the puppy...That he ever saw her so angry, so thirsty for justice...

She was always passive when it came to anyone else but the people around her.

No, it wasn’t the people around her...

It was the people dear to her.

There weren’t many - It was only him, Phoenix, Larry and any animal on this world.

She truly had a heart of gold...

And cared for him endlessly.

More than he ever deserved.

Y/N L/N was Miles Edgeworth’s angel, his light in the darkness, the one being that would remind him of his humanity...

And he didn’t deserve her in the least.

That is not to say, however, that he wouldn’t bail her out of the courtroom jail...After all, her intentions were purely addressed to him.

Miles truly accrued an unpayable, infinite debt towards this girl.

He couldn’t understand why was she chasing after him, a mere shadow, so much, almost as if clinging to dear life.

She’s not after his money, power or glory...

So what is she seeking so dearly?

What does he hold that she needs so much?

Of course...Miles Edgeworth knew...He wasn’t stupid and nor was he blind...

But he didn’t deserve her, and she doesn’t deserve all the hurt he put her through, nor the one that he could potentially bestow upon her by merely being around her.

For the rest of the day, Phoenix, Maya and Y/N went to the lake to investigate, and the things they found out were to be taken into account...

Especially the parrot reminding the old man about the DL-6 incident...

---

Witness - ???

The witness was kinda sleeping - Is he narcoleptic?!

Karma brought him here...Why, they wondered? It’s a great mystery...

The witness, the old man, allegedly doesn’t remember his name, nor anything beyond the last few years...And yet, he runs a noodle shop and rents boats by the lake.

The woman could only wonder how the parrot is going to come into the equation and if the old man was truly as amnesiac as he claims to be.

“It was the night of the 24th, just after midnight, ayup. I was lying down in my room when I heard a loud bang. When I ooked out of the window, I saw a boat just a’floating on the lake, then I heard another bang. A while later, the boat returned to shore, and a man walked by my window. That’s about all I saw.” the witness explained everything he saw. “Defense, you may begin your cross-examination.” the judge expressed. “Are you sure you heard the gunshots after midnight?” the man had to be awakened, just to throw a semi-certain answer. “But when I spoke to you yesterday, you said you didn’t remember. How are you so sure about it now?” Nix asked, needing clarity. “I remembered it while talking to the prosecutor.” the witness declared nonchalantly. “Wouldn’t that mean Mr. Von Karma manipulated your testimony?” Nix asked, raising an eyebrow. “Objection! That is a baseless accusation, kid.” Karma growled at him. “Then, I’ll change my question.” Nix nodded in understanding. “From the lake, when I heard a bang, I looked out the window and saw the shape of a boat. And then I heard another bang.” the witness explained again. “It was the sound of gunfire, correct?” Karma asked, which the witness confirmed. “Who was in the boat at the time?” Nix asked, and after some amnesiac-idiocy from the old man, he answered properly. “Well, it was pretty far away and it was all covered in fog.” the old man stated, making Nix ask the fated question...But the answer was surprising. “Later, someone passed by the window of the boat shack?” Karma asked, making the old man claim it was the murderer...Miles. He saw Miles.

As soon as he mentioned Miles’s name, he fell asleep...And on the floor.

Y/N slapped her hand to her mouth in desperation, trying to clear her head to think properly. She knew Miles wasn’t a killer, so what was she missing?!

“The testimony just now is decisive evidence that prove the defendant’s guilt-” the judge was about to pass the verdict, only for Phoenix to jump in. “Wait a second! We already proved that my client didn’t fire that gun! The murderer fired with his left hand, but the fingerprints on the gun were from the defendant’s right hand!” Phoenix objected the statement. “That’s easy to explain! He could have worn gloves during the act and carelessly left his prints on it later.That is probably what happened. Everything is crystal clear now. The defendant is guilty! In a court of law, the evidence tells all! Haven’t you realised that, you damned amateur?! Judge, I demand you declare the verdict!” Karma pointed towards the judge. “Therefore, I shall pass the verdict towards Mr. Miles Edgeworth.”

                                       G U I L T Y

What?

Guilty?

Are you kidding?

This judge is such a moronic pushover...!

But just as Y/N was about to throw another rage fit, The Yellow Signal Samurai, Larry, jumped from the jury seats to stay by his friends’ side.

“That’s right! You were there on the night of the murder!” Y/N gaped at her stupid friend. “Yeeees! The murder occurred on Christmas Eve, right? I was there, and I heard it. I heard the gunshot. The old man’s testimony didn’t quite sit right with me, so I can’t just sit here and let you call Edgey a murderer.” Larry spoke loud and clear. “The verdict has been decided already. I call for adjournment.” Karma frowned, seeing his plans being ruined, and the judge on their side. “This is it, Nick! Larry’s given us one final chance at this!” Maya tried to cheer Phoenix up. “Your Honour, if there is another witness, it is our duty to hear him speak!” Nix spoke out. “In all court proceedings, it is our duty to prevent an inaccurate verdict, therefore, we must examine every piece of evidence and listen to each witness! I withdraw my previous verdict of GUILTY! Now, testify to the court about what you saw on the night of the murder.” the judge hit the gravel to let Larry speak. “Finally, some sense to this trial.” Y/N muttered, stealing a glance at The Red Signal Samurai from the corner of her eyes.

“That night, I was in a boat out on the lake, I was looking for the Steel Samurai.” this made the judge confused, making Nix explain what happened with the mascot. “So I went, uh, looking for it. I finally found it and returned the boat at the dock. That’s when I heard this BANG. Naturally, I looked out over the lake, but I didn’t see a boat. After that, I dragged the Steel Samurai back to the stall.” was Larry’s testimony, which let the defense begin the cross-examination. “When did you hear the noise?” Phoenix asked his friend. “Oh, it was around 11:00 PM when I went out in the boat and I was out searching for about an hour. I guess I heard the gunshot at around midnight.” Larry answered, which made Karma avert his attention to them. “That matches the other witness testimonies. This is pointless.” Karma flicked his fingers towards Larry, making him fall to the ground, silent. “But when he heard the shot, there wasn’t a boat with the victim and the defendant on the lake. Isn’t that right, Larry?” Phoenix asked, making Maya speak out. “Besides, you only heard one shot, right?” she asked, making Larry agree again. “Two witnesses have already testified that they heard 2 gunshots. This man’s testimony is hogwash!” but before Larry could yell at him, Karma flicked him again effortlessly. “Larry, you sure you only heard one shot that night?” but a little friendly feud came between them, making Y/N slam her head on the table in exasperation on their antics. “I’m not sure...You know I always listen to the radio at night! Headphones on, I was listening to Auralia’s Midnight Lovey-Dovey Rendez-vous! Hey, it’s almost Christmas! All you lone wolves, your aural lover, Auralia, wishes you a Merry Christmas!” Larry spoke enthusiastically. “Wait, so that was barely before Midnight, but everyone else mentioned hearing 2 gunshots AFTER midnight. That means there was a total of 3 gunshots that night?!” Y/N’s head shot up in realisation. “When this picture was taken, it was 12:10 AM on December 25th.” the judge nodded. “That means the other photograph that Lotta Hart’s camera took, it was the first gunshot that Larry heard! Sure, there is nothing but fog and water depicted, but look at the time on the back. December 24th, 11:50 PM. This confirms Larry’s testimony!” Y/N smirked, knowing they had the upper hand, for once. “Mr. Butz heard it 20 minutes before the other witnesses Ms. Hart’s camera too the other picture at 12:10Am...That means Y/N’s deduction is correct, 3 shots were fired that night. One at 11:50 PM and Two at 12:10 AM.” Phoenix explained in further detail for the judge and jury. “Oh, please, that man probably sneezed and triggered the camera.” Karma accused Larry. “Yeah, a sneeze as loud as a gunshot, huh?” Y/N rolled her eyes in disgust. “I did not!...But I did yawn and fart.” Larry admitted, making the woman facepalm. “Regardless, this evidence isn’t enough to overturn the verdict. End these proceedings at once!” Karma yelled at the judge, only for him to ask the defense if they have any objections. “Miles Edgeworth is innocent and this whole case was meant to frame him and throw him in jail. Everything is much clearer now...Phoenix, explain the case, you are his official lawyer. Be The Blue Signal Samurai you’re supposed to be.” Y/N crossed her arms, leaning on the wood wall behind her, listening to the story. “10 minutes after midnight, gunshots were heard from the boat on the lake. One shot. And another. And then, the victim fell into the lake, leaving the defendant, Miles Edgeworth, alone on the boat.” Phoenix explained the beginning. “The victim was shot from a meter or so away. Only the defendant could have done it!” Karma defended his case. “But what if that wasn’t the time the victim was shot?” Y/N butted in. “What if the shot that actually took Hammond’s life was the one from 11:50 PM, that Larry Butz heard?” she continued in a cheeky tone. “Don’t be stupid! This photo doesn’t even show a boat on a lake!” Karma shouted accusatory. “Yes, that means Hammond was murdered somewhere else.” Phoenix explained. “Which means the two people from the boat were Miles Edgeworth and the actual culprit who framed him, who faked being the victim and then jumped in the lake!” Y/N explained, making everyone gasp and talk between themselves. “Framed? Explain!” the judge hit the gravel, making everyone silent. “After the murderer killed Hammon at 11:50 PM, he wore his coat and assumed his guise to meet the defendant whom he’d summoned to the lake beforehand. The two of them set out on a boat...And then, the murderer fired 2 shots on the boat. The first was to make anyone near the lake to look at the boat. He probably fired into the water. Once he grabbed their attention, he fired the second shot. Due to the fog, anyone looking at a distance wouldn’t be able to tell who’d fired. That means the shooter wasn’t Miles Edgeworth, but the real murderer, disguised as the victim!” Phoenix explain in great detail everything that happened. “It’s just as I stated previously. The murderer pretended to be shot and jumped into the lake. To someone watching from the shore, it would appear that a murder had taken place before them. They would think they saw Miles Edgeworth who’d been left on the boat, murder the man with him. The murderer then swam back to the shore, put the coat on the corpse and threw it into the lake. It was all done to frame Miles Edgeworth for murder!” Y/N spoke confidently and loud, being clearly heard by everyone.

Miles could only look at her dazzling smirk, that confident expression that only appeared whenever she was 100% certain of herself and her deductions.

She was a doctor after all, not just a mere kind soul, and it was moments like this one that reminded him that he was, after all, just a human.

Because his heart was beating faster than ever whenever she was around him...

And that scared him..And more than than, it scared his past self so much that he felt the need to run away for the first time in his life.

Now, Miles Edgeworth realised that he had no reason to run away, and that her aura was a pure and benevolent, and it was all addressed to him.

He was a fool for running away from her.

But now, a greater crisis arose for Miles Edgeworth.

Who was he anyway?!

“If you are this confident, then I assume you know the murderer’s name?” Karma chimed in with a gremlin smirk. “No, I don’t know his name. I don’t know...Because he never told us. Please bring forward to the stand the caretaker of the boat shop!” Phoenix told the judge, whose bottom lip quivered in realisation.

But as if on cue, a policeman burst through the doors, saying that the very man in cause disappeared without a any notice.

The old man fled.

That was guilt.

The court was adjourned and the trial will continue the tomorrow.

That night, back in the cell, Miles looked out of little window and pondered about his past.

Long ago, before his father died, and he wanted to become a defense prosecutor...And yet, there he is, a filthy, evil prosecutor, just like the man who took him under his wing.

How vile, and yet, there’s no turning back from that.

He cannot atone for the way he treated his only friends so long ago...Fifteen years ago...Has it really been that long? It must be.

And yet, somehow, he stumbled into the girl once, when he had to take Pocky to the vet, and she was working there as a Vet student. He can still remember so vividly her beautiful eyes, filled with so much shock and emotions once he told her his name to write in the register and the pen fell from her hands.

He didn’t understand it at first, until she rose up and stared into his eyes.

There was no more need for words, for he remembered. And more, she showed him the Green Signal Samurai keychain she had attached to her keys. He couldn’t believe his eyes...

Y/N was right there, in front of him, and he had the chance to rekindle their relationship, after so long.

He could do that. He really wanted to. His heart was yelling at him to ask for her phone number, to give him her address, to at least let him take her out for dinner or walk her home - At least as a thank you pretext for taking care of his dog...THEIR dog...

But he couldn’t.

Inside, he was still a broken man who was afraid to approach the people he cared so much about.

But she was brave, and he knew she missed him endlessly, and she did the first step to ask for HIS phone number and ask him to accompany her to lunch for some ramen and sushi.

The ‘date’ was really great, and they had fun, they laughed and shared old memories, as well as recent things happening...And he was happy.

He truly was happy around her, he knew that, and yet...He didn’t deserve this happiness, and he didn’t want to taint her angel heart, so after this, he decided to ghost her, step by step, no matter how much his own heart was breaking, and he knew hers was as well.

Miles Edgeworth, you god damn jerk, you are vile. You are the worst of the worst. How could you be such a terrible terrible jackass with someone who cares so much about you, even after all these years? Why do you have to hide behind that invisible wall of loneliness you created because of your pent up emotions and unresolved family issues? Why can’t you just accept that you are a human and have emotions? Why can’t you just accept people in your life and learn how to live again?

You truly are a fool, Miles Edgeworth.

He regret the day he met her again, and more, he regretted that he left her...Abandoned her...Just like that old hag abandoned Pocky before. 

He truly was the worst, without a doubt.

So why...Why...Is she still here, heart and soul, completely sold, working night and day along with Phoenix and her little sister to get him out of this mess that he created?

He doesn’t deserve it...But she deserves better. No matter what he does, he only brings her misfortune and pain.

But one thing alone was certain, and for that, he knew that his sinoatrial node was still continuing to make his heart pump at a rapid pace, thanks to his ridiculous sympathetic system that hasn’t worked properly since 15 years ago.

Miles Edgeworth was completely enamoured with Y/N Fey.

- - -

Detective Gumdick managed to capture the fleeing suspect again and confirmed that no crime happened on the boat, the real crime most likely having happened  in the old rental shack, and with the help of Polly the Parrot, they managed to open the safe.

1228

And a letter was there, with no sender.

“Get revenge on Miles Edgeworth. This is your last chance. Now is the time to get revenge on the two men who ruined your life.”

This message was obviously the plan to murder Hammond and frame poor Miley...But the mastermind...The sender...And how is this connected to DL-6...?

Her suspicions have always been Karma, otherwise she couldn’t understand why in the world would he want to incriminate his own adoptive son...With such hatred and condescence nonetheless.

The DL-6 incident...When Miles, a poor little kid stuck in an elevator with his father and a stranger... And he shot his own father in an attempt to protect him. How stupid of him. He shouldn’t get out of this mess...

- - -

                                   December 28, 10 AM                         District Court - Courtroom No. 3

“Court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Miles Edgeworth. Your opening statement, Mr. von Karma.” the judge declared, making everyone stay silent so we could begin.

And so, Karma got the old man to testify once again...This should be interesting.

Witness - ???

“Er, I’m really sorry about just leaving yesterday like I did. I, uh, went to buy Polly some food, see. My partner, you see.” the witness said, which made me raise by eyebrow in confusion, while Karma clarified it was a parrot.

But...Polly is a girl name...Albeit, also a very popular Parrot name...And yet, the way he referred to the Parrot as a partner...Could it be he named his pet after a potential old girlfriend of his?!

“Yesterday, you claimed that you’ve lost your memory. Is that true?” Nix asked the old man, who defended himself quickly. “What’s with that scary face, Keith? You’re making Dad very sad.” he claimed, making the girl roll her eyes at his absurd behaviour. “If we consider that you killed Hammond, you should remember committing the murder!” Nix accused the man, with a more serious face. “Objection! That is a baseless accusation! If you say the witness does, in fact, remember his past, then show us proof of it!” Karma smirked triumphantly, making the elder girl match his expression. “I was waiting for you to say that! You want proof, have this!” she chuckled, taking out the letter and presenting it as evidence. “This is a letter we found in his room, inside the safe! This letter has detailed instructions on how to exact that revenge.” the girl continued her explanation to the judge, who nodded in understanding. “Dear me...It details the exact same process the defense explained yesterday.” the judge rubbed his beard like an old wizard. “The witness carried out this plan and tried to frame my client. That means he had a motive to seek revenge! And this letter is irrefutable proof of his guilt!” Phoenix explained the evidence he held. “Then, let me ask you a question. That letter does not contain the names of the sender or recipient, does it? It is a mere scrap that anyone could have sent to anyone. We can hardly call it proof. The defense’s claims are still only unfounded speculations. In the first place, nothing links this witness to the defendant!” the prosecutor thought he won it all, but clearly, he was 1 step behind the defense. “Objection! The victim, Hammond, and Edgeworth shared a connection. The DL--6 incident! The case in which the defendant’s father was murdered. And Hammond was the one who defended the suspect!” Phoenix looked at the judge with a fierce expression. “Clearly, the DL-6 incident, which occurred 15 years ago, is at the root of this murder. There is one man who knows what happened back then.” the elder Fey girl sat on the defense table with her legs crossed, wearing a knowing smirk. “The defense would like to call Marvin Grossberg to testify!” her and Phoenix called out at the same time with perfect sync.

Witness - Marvin Grossberg

“I am Marvin Grossberg, an attorney. The victim in this trial, Hammond, once worked for me. The DL-6 incident happened 15 years ago, on December 28th. Coincidentally, that is also today’s date. It occurred here, in the district courthouse. That day, there was a majour blackout and 3 people were trapped in an elevator. Hours later, when the rescue team got in, they found Gregory Edgeworth dead inside. He had died instantly after being shot through the heart. There were two others in the elevator with him - Miles, who was 10 years old at the time, and a court bailiff...Yanni Yogi, I think his name was. At first, it was considered an open-and-shut case, that Yogi had shot the victim in a panic. However, he plead not guilty. The investigation hit a dead end, and the police turned to a spirit medium for help. The victim’s spirit said that Yogi killed him. The medium’s name was Misty Fey. Her overwhelming power left all who witnessed it speechless. The defense admitted that he might have fired the gun, but added that, due to severe lack of oxygen, in the elevator, Yogi hadn’t been of sound mind and couldn’t be held responsible. With that claim, Hammond forced a verdict of not guilty. Because of that, despite his acquittal, Yogi was socially vilified.” the attorney explained in detail everything that happened so long ago. “So an acquittal wasn’t enough to truly save Yogi?” Nix asked for confirmation. “Due to Hammond’s defense, he lost everything - His work and his family. One year after the trial, Yogi’s fiancee committed suicide.” this statement made the girl ponder for a few seconds...

Yogi’s fiancee...Could that have been...Polly? It would make sense...And it would mean why Yogi would hate Hammond - And if he truly was innocent, which she doubted, he must also resent Miles’s dad’s spirit for accusing him of murder.

Phoenix then accused the old man of being Yanni Yogi, saying he could compare the fingertips, but surprise surprise, he burned his fingers in an ‘accident’ years ago. What a pleasant coincidence.

It was obvious that the defense attorney was thinking over and over how he could prove the witness was Yanni, making the girl scoff.

“The defense would like to cross-examine the witness’s pet parrot, Polly. If my theory is correct, based on the word-slip of the old man, who claimed Polly is his ‘Partner’, perhaps he named the Parrot after his deceased fiancee. Who else would he trust with the combination of the same that held such an incriminatory letter in his own shack?” the Fey girl snapped her fingers with a knowing smirk towards the judge.

Witness - Polly

“Sis, I’m counting on you. Polly loves you more than she loves us.” she chuckled at her sister, tilting her head for her to go ahead.

Maya began with a simple question, asking the parrot what its name is, and it answered clearly - Polly - Amazing the judge. Then, Maya asked for the combination to the safe, and just as easily, came the answer - 1228 Next, she asked if there was anything we’ve forgotten...Which was met with silence as an answer...

Karma clearly expected this...But Phoenix took out the DL-6 file, and searching through it, Y/N found Yanni’s profile, and there, “Polly Jenkins” was written as his fiancee’s name.

“Ha! Karma, you think you’ve bested us? You are wrong! Your Honour, look what’s written here! Polly Jenkins, Yanni Yogi’s fiance! The parrot is clearly named after his fiancee, as I suspected! And if we look into it, the cobination for the safe! 1228...12-28! December 28th! That is the date of the DL-6 incident!” the Fey girl jumped from the defense table and showed the judge Yanni’s profile so he could be convinced as well. “Judge, get rid of this bird already! These are mere coincidences!” Karma tried to desperately get rid of the important witness, but Y/N was pissed off. “No! A wise man once said - In a crime case there is no room for coincidences! If there are, it’s clearly a pattern, not a mistake! That means that you, witness - Your name is truly Yanni Yogi, isn’t it?! Stop hiding and reveal the truth already!” Fey shouted at the man who was feigning his sleep.

The courtroom became a huge calamity with everyone screaming, until the witness yelled for everyone to shut the hell up and raised to his feet, his expression no longer lost, but sharp and sure of himself.

“Enough. I’ve accomplished what I wanted. I’m done. As the defense said, my name is Yanni Yogi. I used to serve as a bailiff in this very court.” the old man admitted, after so long. “Th-Then...You admit to killing Hammond and trying to frame Miles Edgeworth?” the judge gaped at the change in behaviour. “Yes, I admit it. Fifteen years ago, that attorney paid absolutely no heed to my words. I didn’t shoot that man, however, that attorney made me admit to it, saying it was the only way to acquit me...But my release didn’t change a thing. Everyone continued to treat me like a murderer...I couldn’t do a thing...And Polly...She said she was sick and tired of it all...Ever since, I’ve lived my life away from the public eye, dreaming of the day I’d get my revenge!” the old man had tears in his eyes, and rightfully so. “I understand your motive for wanting revenge. It is humane...However...Why did you have to go to the lengths of framing Miles, who was a mere 10 year old at the time, and the child of the murdered person? He went through enough trauma as it is, you didn’t have to add more, y’know?” the Fey girl crossed her arms, looking at the man with slight pity, but also anger in her eyes. “Why don’t you ask him?” Yanni muttered, looking at her with a sharp expression, which made her widen her eyes in realisation at the implication of his words. “Your Honour! The boat shop owner, Yanni Yogi,has just confessed to the crime! The defense asks that you declare the defendant not guilty!” Phoenix shouted to the judge with fire in his voice. “What do you say, prosecutor von Karma?” the judge asked, waiting to see if there was any more refuting from his side. “I suppose he is innocent...In this case, at least.” Karma scoffed, looking away with a devilish expression...This isn’t over...Not even close... “I shall hereby hand down the verdict for Mr. Miles Edgeworth.”

                                          NOT GUILTY

“YES! Finally, we did it, Nix! Miles is safe!” the elder Fey girl jumped happily in her spot, only for the man who was once so silent to speak up, loud enough to silence everyone.

“OBJECTION! Your Honour...I confess my guilt. The true culprit in the DL-6 incident...It was I!” Miles admitted, and it felt like the sky fell on the girl.

Why...? How...?!

Even if that was the truth, who cares? You were a kid trying to protect your dad, Miley, stop with this idiocy!

“For 15 years, I have had a recurring dream. I’m in the dark, and it’s hard to breathe...Eventually, I hear a gunshot and a terrible scream. A blood-curdling scream that I still hear to this day. It’s only a nightmare - That is what I’ve always told myself - But if Yogi didn’t actually kill my father, the nightmare points to a horrifying truth, that I was the one who killed my father that day!” Miles’s confession came, and the judge asked for a 15 minute recess to think things over.

Miles, along with Phoenix and the two Fey sisters went to the lounge to look over the files, but the elder girl was pacing left and right, trying to calm down her unstoppable running thoughts from her already overthinking brain.

She was never a violent person, but she knew that, despite the stoic facade she always kept, her heart was soft and overly-emotional, and now, she was barely restraining herself from breaking down to weep and punch the silver haired man repeatedly.

“I’m sorry Wright, I’ve just wasted all your efforts.” the man in cause spoke from the corner of the room. “Is that truly what you should be saying right now, Miles Edgeworth?” the girl’s voice was sharp, dripping with acid, as she glared at him harshly. “I am sorry, Y/N. I know you wanted nothing more but to get me out of there, but-” he kept speaking, but his voice only grated the girl’s mind. “Shut the hell up, Edgeworth. Your voice pisses me off. Me sensible for once, read the fucking room. You’re an idiot, and I’m never, in this life, or any life, going to forgive you for the stupidity you just pulled there. If you wanted to confess, you could have gone to a priest, not a judge! But of course, you are Miles Fucking Edgeworth, and you HAVE to be extra and cause everyone around you an exorbitant amount of problems! Do me a favour and stop opening that mouth of yours before I break it for you.” he was shocked, he had to admit, since he never thought she would snap like that at him, but by Phoenix’s reaction, and Maya’s alike, they were expecting that. “Leave her alone, Edgeworth. If you annoy Y/N when she’s already stressed, nothing good will come out of it.” Nix muttered, still focused on his files.

the silver haired man nodded, not daring to say anything anymore, and just watched with sad eyes as the girl he loved kept having her heart stabbed continuously by his own selfish actions.

Looking out of the window, he pondered to that horrible night when Karma came to pick him up from home, and Karma threw the Red Signal Samurai keychain on the trash bin cap, before getting him inside the car, accompanied by his daughter.

Before he stepped into the car, Y/N, Phoenix and Larry ran to him, calling out his name, so they could at least have a proper goodbye... But he just left, without a word.

He wasn’t sure, for many years, what happened while he was gone, until he met that day with Y/N and she told him everything in precise detail.

Larry was pissed off when he found the Red Signal Samurai keychain on the trash cap, threw it on the ground, wanting to stomp on it, but Y/N threw herself at him, making the both of them fall to the ground, while Phoenix put his hands over the keychain to protect it.  Then, the former threw his own Yellow keychain to the ground, saying their friendship is no more, and then left.

On the way to his new home, Miles did the Hansel and Gretel trick, just like before, and let dog food on the ground, so he could return and get his keychain. She told Miles that she knew he wasn’t a jerk and the keychain left there was a sign he will return, and so, she was the first to notice the dog good on the ground. When he returned, however, he wasn’t greeted by his keychain, but by Y/N and Phoenix, wearing soft smiles on their faces.

“How did you know I would return?” Miles asked, his face so innocent and shocked. “I just knew. When I saw the keychain there, I started looking for dog food, and when I did...Well, here we are, waiting for you. You’re a smart boy, and you deeply care about our friendship...So, here, this is yours.” Y/N grinned at him, putting his red keychain in his palm, holding his clenched fist in her hands. “We knew you’d never throw it away. We’re gonna be friends forever! Take care, Edgeworth.” Nix shook Miles’s hand, which made the girl giggle. “I will miss you, Miley. I hope we will meet each other again very soon!” she smiled softly, and it seemed like the rain and dark clouds were illuminated by a Goddess, if not, only by a split second. “...Y-Yes...I hope so too...Fey.” he muttered, looking down, embarrassed. “Call me Y/N, silly! We are friends, and Pocky’s parents!” she giggled, hugging him and kissing his cheek, which made his face erupt in a violent blush. “D-Don’t do that...I-It’s improper...” the poor boy stumbled over his words, which only made the girl laugh at how cute he was being.

At that exact moment, Pocky started barking oh-so-cutely and Larry, carrying three umbrellas, cleared his throat awkwardly, came in, feigning to look for something.

“Where could it be? I dropped something around here, too...” Larry spoke, not daring to look at them yet. “You’re such a dork, Larry!” the girl chuckled, holding Miles’s arm. “I’ve got it right here, Larry! Look, your Yellow Signal Samurai!” Nix handed him his keychain, making him cheer in glee. “Why do you have three umbrellas?” Nix asked in confusion. “Oh, uh, you know...Y/N always shares with Miles...B-But the rain already stopped...” he played it off cool, making the rest chuckle at his great intentions. “Anyway, Edgey...From what I can see, he ate all your markers. How are you gonna get back?” 

This simple statement was enough to make the whole gang laugh at the funny mistake, and put their keychains together, as a way to show that their friendship will truly last forever.

But he screwed up...He was the first to screw up. Things could have been so different. Maybe he could have actually been a nice Defense Attorney like his dad was...Maybe this friendship would have helped him heal, and having Y/N by his side would have mellowed his heart that got frozen by Karma so cruelly.

His life was filled with unanswerable questions, dilemmas and uncertainties, but at least he knew that there was a weird sense of security whenever he saw her smile.

He felt the warmth of home, and he didn’t want to lose it again.

If he got his life back, he wanted to let in the past all those uncertainties, the guilt, the hatred and everything that had him stuck in the past, and try, with help, to move into the present and learn how to live life once again.

But then...He was disturbed from his thoughts by Maya, who told him Phoenix’s reason for becoming an attorney - It was him - He wanted to find out what happened to him, and why he became the abominable, heartless wretch in front of him.

Miles knew that - Yes - he stepped on his dreams, he was blinded by revenge and hatred, and chose the path of the Prosecutor, of Karma, because he hated defense attorneys. He hated Hammond and his shady acquittal. It was Karma who taught him that justice should be perfect and cold-hearted. A merciless hammer to be used upon all. He wanted to make as many criminals as he could atone for his sins.

“Who the hell do you think you are? Ma’at? Anubis? You are just a human with too much imagination who got swept off by guilt and manipulated by that bastard. I’m a doctor, I know my stuff, and listen to me. You think you became a prosecutor to escape the in you committed? But...You did nothing. You keep talking about that nightmare, how you killed your dad, but you were 10 years old! You’ve been living in trauma all this life, and from your guilt formed that nightmare. You are trying to justify a reality that never happened, just so you could have some sort of answer. You, Miles Edgeworth, are a damned idiot, that’s what you are.” Y/N shook her head at him, which made him, once again, widen his eyes in shock and ponder over her words. “...But we’ve got this far...And I’m not giving up on you. You deserve being given up upon! You really do! I’m pissed off at you, you understand that, right? Even so, my pride as a doctor doesn’t allow me to give up, especially not on you. You’re more helpless than you believe, no matter how much power you think you have.” she scoffed looking out of the window.

What if what she said was true? What if that nightmare was what he believed happened? A fabricated answer to an unsolvable riddle? A fake answer that trauma created over the years.

Did he just destroy his future because of guilt? Is he still the innocent and scared little boy from that elevator, even now?

“But I’ve admitted by guilt! I’ve admitted that I was the one who killed my father, Gregory Edgeworth! There’s no way to back down from my confession.” Miles replied to her, his face betraying the hopelessness he harboured in his heart. “Do you remember the 31st episode of the Signal Samurais?” Y/N asked in a low voice, her nails digging into her arms, trying to contain the smirk threatening to creep on her face. “Huh...? What’s this about...?” Miles raised his eyebrow in confusion. “Ah, I know! It’s the episode where the Red Signal Samurai gets kidnapped, and the Green Signal Samurai Goes to rescue him, while the Blue and Yellow help her out, right?!” Phoenix raised to his feet, speaking a bit too loudly, for it caused the girl to burst into that gorgeous, confident, condescending smirk of hers. “Yes, Nix, you’ve got that right! Miles’ nightmare is bullshit, and even if he doesn’t believe in his innocence, I do! I, the Green Signal Samurai, am going to save the idiotic Red Signal Samurai from his demise!” she took out her keys, letting her keychain dangle proudly, leaving the man in front of her jaw dropped.

He was so in love with her. God damn it, his chest hurt so much, and all he wanted was to hold her tightly to his chest and cry out all his emotions for the rest of the day.

But he couldn’t.

He had to stay strong and fight for his freedom. He owed her at least that much.

“Phoenix, look at this picture. There’s this bullet hole here...And there is the corpse here...Then, that means...!” were the girl’s last words of wonder before they were summoned back to the court.

                               December 28, 3:30 PM                       District Court - Courtroom No. 3

The judge recapped what happened, allowing the defense to begin the cross-examination.  The reason for Miles being there was to observe his dad’s trials. He didn’t remember what the case involved, only that, coincidentally, he was against Karma.

That clears up a lot of things... Karma was afraid of the competition, not wanting to tarnish his perfect record, and killed the best Defense attorney. What a joke...

Help didn’t come for hours, and gradually, the air within the elevator began to thin, making Yogi panic and attack Miles’s dad. From then, his memories are jumbled, and all he remembers is a shot and a terrible scream, just like in his nightmare. He lost consciousness and when he woke up, he was in a hospital bed.

“There’s no room for doubt.” Karma smirked victoriously. “I wouldn’t be so hasty saying that, Karma. Look at this photograph of the crime scene. It contradicts Miles’s testimony. There is a bullet hole in the door, but Miles said he only heard one single gunshot. But in the picture, there are two bullet holes! One in the body and one in the door!” the girl went to the TV, pointing to the obvious contradiction. “The bullet that killed the victim could have pierced his body and hit the door.” Karma snapped his fingers confidently. “You’re wrong. The data from the files say the pistol was fired twice. The evidence contradicts Miles’s testimony.” the girl clapped her hands together, shrugging nonchalantly. “But there’s no proof that the second shot was fired at the time of the murder.” Karma wagged his finger at her to deny her statement. “The pistol was fired twice, and there were two bullet holes at the crime scene. It’s natural to assume these facts are related. The defendant was still a child back then, and he lost consciousness after the first shot, which means, the someone else was at the crime scene to shoot the second shot! The actual murderer!” she shouted, and for Miles, it seemed as if she was enveloped in a divine aura of justice and light. “OBJECTION! Unfortunately, there’s something you seem to have overlooked! Look at the file, only one bullet was found at the crime scene! The bullet that claimed the victim’s life was lodged in his body. No other bullets were found at the scene! That means the second shot was never fired. Ergo, your claims are unfounded!” Karma refuted with a perfect argument, making the defense frown in panic, trying to think of what happened.

In the background, Maya was trying to channel the spirit of her sister, while the judge was confirming whether or not Miles truly threw the pistol in an attempt to save his father, which then resulted in an unexpected tragedy, that the idiotic prosecutor confirmed without a second of doubt.

Thanks to Mia Fey’s guiding words, Phoenix was able to regain his confidence and stop the verdict from being spoken.

“A second shot really was fired at the scene that day! The second bullet disappeared, and there is but one possible reason why! The murderer took it from the scene!” Phoenix spoke, continuing his trail of thoughts. “Objections! Why would he do something so pointless?” Karma sniggered at the defense attorney. “The only possibility is that the other bullet hit the murderer! If the murderer was also shot at the time of the crime, he would’ve been forced to take the bullet, which is why there is no second bullet at the scene of the crime!” the elder Fey girl spoke up in a firm tone, trying to lead the conversation towards her own deductions. “OBJECTIONS! There is no record of anyone else shot at the courthouse that day! So long as we have no suspect, we are finished here!” Karma snapped his fingers at the judge, making the girl gasp, then laugh. “HA! I knew it! I KNEW it! Karma, you are wrong! There is one suspect and one suspect alone! Marvin Grossberg claims that after Gregory Edgeworth’s death, you took a day off, out of respect for your rival, is that correct? The ONLY day off in your entire career! What if that day off was, in fact, for you to heal, not because of respect? You have respect for no one! Fifteen years ago, the murderer who took a bullet before killing the victim and vanishing from the scene was YOU, Karma!” Y/N shouted loudly, her voice dripping with righteousness and rage, but above all, she was smug and confident - Miles realised then that she suspected Karma all along, and she was right, once again.

Her explanation was so powerful that it shook Karma, hitting him on the jury stand behind him, making him glare at her with an almost demonic look.

“How dare you?! Do you think you’ll get away with such an outrageous claim?!” Karma yelled at the girl, who could only smirk and cross her arms in victory. “It’s as Y/N said. On that day, fifteen years ago, you took on Gregory Edgeworth in court. You won, but your victory wasn’t a perfect one, for you’d submitted falsified evidence. You’re a prosecutor who strives for perfection, and Gregory Edgeworth tainted your perfect record. That could have been your motive for murder!” Phoenix continued the girl’s argument, and they were truly in sync. “Judge, stop them from spouting any more baseless slander!” Karma growled at the judge. “You’d think it was from the shock of having his rival murdered, but think otherwise, what if he was forced to take the day off? The ONLY day off in his 40 year career? Perhaps...To extract the bullet that hit him during the murder?” the girl pressed on assertively. “But it’s impossible to recover from surgery to extract a bullet in one day.” the  judge pointed out, making the girl nod. “Obviously, I know that, I’m a doctor, which is why I present you with another possibility. The murderer never took out the bullet from his body. And to see if that’s correct or not...Maya, give me that metal detector.” Y/N took the metal detector from her little sister’s hands and went to Karma. “It’s the moment of truth! The defense requests permission to examine Karma’s body!” the girl shouted, smirking with intense confidence at the elder man in front of her. “Ridiculous! I refuse!” Karma growled, gripping his right shoulder. “But if you’re innocent, you should have no reason to refuse.” the judge said something good, for the first time in the whole trial. 

And so, the girl approached the metal detector to the prosecutor’s shoulder, and as soon as it reached the bullet, it started beeping loudly, the meter going to maximum, making the girl yell in satisfaction.

“This makes it clear! The bullet fired fifteen years ago still rests in Karma’s shoulder!” Phoenix pointed towards the evil prosecutor, only for him to laugh cruelly, pointing right back and snapping his fingers. “Indeed, there is a bullet in my shoulder, I will admit that much, but it has nothing to do with this incident. A few years ago, I accidentally shot myself while examining a pistol to be used as evidence.” he spoke so innocently with the tongue of the devil. “Stop bullshitting, it’s getting annoying! Admit to your sins, Karma!” the girl gritted her teeth at him in rage. “Can you prove it?” the older man provoked the girl, who nodded nonchalantly. “Let’s compare the ballistic makings of the two bullets.” the girl opened the box in which the bullet was resting...”WHAT?! H-How did you...?!” a wave of dread and panic splashed the girl away from this reality as she realised nothing good was going to come out of this mess. “It appears this is as far as your delusions go! Now, end this trial!” Karma shouted, looking at the Judge.

No...This can’t be happening...They were so close to the truth...How could he let it slip past his fingers like that?  They worked too much for this to be over, in vain...SHE threw away her heart and soul for him, and this happens now...? No...No way...He had to do something...Something flashy, that will attract attention and will give them some time off to think... And he knew just what. Fake a heart attack.

He gripped tightly at his shirt, falling over the table and grunting in pain, earning gasps from everyone, yet only the girl in cause had quick reactions, as any doctor would, and ran to him in a split-second, checking on him.

“Judge, we need a time off! He’s having a possible heart attack!” the girl shouted frantically, and with the help of Phoenix, they carried him into the lobby, laying him down on the red couch. “That was close...” Miles muttered, opening his eyes as soon as he knew they were safe. “Can you PLEASE stop making me worry about you for just ONE SINGLE FUCKING SECOND?! I don’t know how much more my heart can take, damn it.” the glared at him, and his heart melted, realising she was barely keeping her facade on. “It was the only way to stop the verdict.” he spoke, looking down. “...You really are something else, Miley...What can we do, though? The data is gone...” she pouted, looking down. “Detective Gumshoe. If the data is gone, there’s only one thing we can do. Someone has to sneak into Karma’s office. He always hides disadvantageous evidence in his office. Listening to your defense finally made me realise that I...I want to believe in myself. I will accompany you partway. Only prosecutors can enter the offices. The doors use retinal identification. ” Miles began to explain the plan, making the girl giggle at him. “You’re more trouble than you’re worth, Miley. Let’s get this clown fiesta started.” the elder Fey smirked mischievously, rubbing her palms together, imitating a generic villain from cartoons. I will accompany you partway. Only prosecutors can enter the offices. The doors use retinal identification. “You look like the villain from the Signal Samurai show.” the silver haired man pointed out, with a hint of a smile on his face, making the girl chuckle and nod in approval. “Yes, indeed. After all, I am going to do something rather villainous, aren’t I?” she winked, walking to the Prosecutors’ Office.

Since the recess was only 5 minutes, and Miles would be back in 10, the plan was to fool everyone by dressing up Larry as Miles. Flawless plan.

                                  December 28, 3:55 PM                                Public Prosecutors’ Office

“Leave the rest to me and rush to the court.” the girl spoke boldly, in a shushed voice, holding eye contact to reassure him. “I’m...I’m very sorry to make you do this...And everything...For me, Y/N. I swear I will make it up to you.” he spoke in a gentle, yet guilty voice. “You’re taking me out on a date once this is over, clear? Now go back...My faith in Larry is close to null.” the girl winked at him, pushing him away. “Crystal clear.” with a faint smile, Miles left back to the courtroom, leaving the girl on her villainous plight.

Of course, in the courtroom, nobody was fooled by Larry’s terrible impersonation, but in Karma’s office, the girl managed to find the secret button to unlock the locked shelf, and she found the pistol and bullet right there, as Miles predicted, and quickly took them.

She wasn’t expecting to get tasered and to fall unconscious for a split second by some corrupt bailiff who worked for Karma, but the idiot didn’t bother taking the bullet too, only the pistol, so she snatched it and quickly ran back to the court, thanking whatever deity above from having enough stamina and speed, while also wearing light sneakers, as she arrived fairly quickly to the courtroom, with a flashy entrance.

“OBJECTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!” she panted for air, holding the bag with the bullet up, in the air, for everyone to see. “Karma, you’re a true shitbag! I have the defense’s fresh evidence!” she yelled triumphantly, feeling incredibly satisfied seeing Karma’s crestfallen expression. “This is the bullet that killed Miles’s dad! To think you would go to such lengths to hide this, along with the pistol, in your office, and more, to have some bailiff bribed to taser anyone who got in! You are a true criminal, Karma!” she shouted loud and clear, glaring with confidence at the man, her power making him completely drop his prosecutor facade. “Extract the bullet in Mr. von Karma’s shoulder at once and compare the ballistic markings of the two bulets!” Phoenix also pointed towards the villain, yelling with righteousness. “If they match, that will mean they were fired from the same pistol...” Miles continued the trio incrimination monologue. “AND PROVE THAT YOU WERE AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME! PERFECTLY!” the trio shouted sternly, in perfect synchronisation, making the prosecutor glare and grit his teeth, realising there was no getting out of this, and let out a shrill shriek, that Miles recognised as the scream from his nightmares. “Miles Edgeworth! You and your father are my curse! You both dare defy me?!” he tried to snap his fingers, but it was useless, just like him. “You will be judged by the law. That is all there is to it.” Miles spoke, regaining his composure and confidence, making the girl look at him with pride. “That day, 15 years ago, I was in the court records room. The elevators had ceased functioning due to the blackout. That’s when it happened - I felt a horrible, burning pain in my shoulder. Just then, the elevator door opened before my eyes and I saw three people inside, lying unconscious, one of them being Gregory Edgeworth, the attorney who had tainted my perfect record. A pistol lay at my feet and I knew then that it was destiny! Yes, he died, never knowing who had shot him!” the jerk explained, almost hysterical. “So wonder his spirit said Yogi shot him. And to think it’s all your fault for everything that’s been happening so far...Miles’s dad’s death and his childhood ruined, my, Maya’s and Mia’s mother fleeing the village because of all the backlash and us never knowing what and why our world was turned upside down...Phoenix and Larry losing their best friend...You truly are the worst, Karma. And your name suits you well, as a reminder, that if you do bad, you will receive bad.” the elder Fey girl glared at him with disgust. “I never imagined the bulled from the past would pierce me a second time. Is that also destiny?” the villain muttered in desperation. “It wasn’t the bullet that shot you, Karma. It was truth and justice brought upon you by a scorned woman!” Y/N yelled at him, and this time, his cane broke, making him fall to the knees truly defeated. 

And with that, Karma was sent to jail, and the 5 friends went to the lobby to recover from all the mess that happened in the courtroom.

“I’M SO STOOOKED! You guys are seriously the greatest!” Larry cheered loudly, flailing his arms randomly into the air. “I always believed you were innocent, Mr. Edgeworth!” Dickgum spoke, crying rivers. “We did it, Y/N, Nick! Oh, and, thank you! That was from my sister!” Maya yapped cheerfully, as always. “Wright...” Miles got his attention, as he grabbed his arm and looked away with slight embarrassment, just like when he was young. “So, it’s finally over, Edgeworth.” Nix smiled at his friend, turning to him and pushing Larry away. “You have my gratitude...Uhmmm...Thank you for all your help.” Miles smiled at him, and they shook hands, as a sign of solidarity and friendship. “Finally, something good happened. About time.” the girl chuckled, looking away to hide the happiness on her face. “Hey, you’re being so gracious today! Nice, nice!” Larry grinned widely. “I hope with this I managed to repay you a little.” Nix spoke, confusing Miles. “Repay...?” he muttered, raising his eyebrow questioningly. “I know, I know! The case of the missing lunch money, right?” Maya butted in, making her sister smirk. “Yes. You defended me that day. That made me who I am, it’s why I’m here now.” Nix explained, making his friend blink. “When is my turn to be repaid, hmmm~? After all, I was the first one to step in and defend you, riiiight, Nix~?” the girl leaned forward, teasing her old friend. “Ahhhhh, I thought- But, I- W-Wait, Y/N - !” Nix stumbled over his words, making the girl chuckle mockingly. “You’re so easy to tease, Blue Signal Samurai! I have to say, the Green Signal Samurai truly was the best character from the show!” the girl boasted, taking out her keys and rotating them with her finger in the keychain. “Remember this?” Nix asked, taking out his own keychain. “You guys truly still have that? I have no idea where it went.” he gaped, seeing the two samurais. “Shut up, you still have yours too. I’m sure that, if it’s not at your keys, it’s somewhere on your desk.” the girl teased her crush, making him close his eyes and blush. “I wonder who really stole the money though...” Maya pondered softly. “Yeah, that’s a good question.” Gumtree nodded in agreement, only for Larry to look away and hand Miles some money. “The lunch money was 38 dollars, right?” Larry asked sheepishly. “U-Uh...Larry...?” Maya blinked at him in disbelief. “You didn’t...” Miles sweat-dropped, frowning slightly. “You must be kidding me-” the elder Fey girl’s jaw dropped, looking at him with a crestfallen expression. “LARRY, IT WAS YOU?!” Phoenix yelled in irritation at his best friend. “Y-YOU’VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!!!” Larry tried vehemently to defend himself. “I had a good reason for what I did!!” “I’LL SUE YOU AND PUT YOU ON TRIAL!! I’ll become a prosecutor to make perfectly sure you’re punished!” Phoenix pointed angrily at his friend. “I WILL SUE YOU FOR MALPRACTICE AND LONG-TERM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!” Y/N shouted at him with the same fire as her friend. “EDGEY, YOU DEFEND ME!” Larry shouted, pleading for his friend’s help. “Well...I suppose I’ll have to.” Miles looked away with a smile, joining in the chaos. “You’re the victim! Why would you defend the culprit?!” Phoenix yelled at Miles while him and Larry were pulling on each other’s ears. “...You guys are truly hopeless.” the girl got over the shock of the news, allowing herself to enjoy this rare moment of peace together. “We’re having a party tonight! Yaaaaay!!” Maya cheered, jumping up and down, making her sister and Miles share a look. “Perhaps we can leave that for another time.” he muttered, looking away and stepping towards the exit. “Ehhhhhh?! Why don’t you want to celebrate your innocence?!” Maya gaped at him, only for him to blush furiously. “Ohhhhh! About time!” Phoenix grinned at his two best friend, as the girl winked at him. “Tell me about it.” Y/N chuckled, going to take Miles’s arm and waving at her friends. “Laters~!”

The two went to the same restaurant as before, where they got some ramen and sushi, but it was clear the man was still clinging to his past regrets.

“Doesn’t this scene look pretty familiar?” the girl jabbed at him playfully with a maki sushi between her chopsticks. “A bit.” he muttered, biting his lip. “Is it going to be followed by the same outcome?” she asked, taking a bite of the maki, watching him attentively. “No, it won’t. I promised I’ll make it up to you, and I will keep that promise.” he shook his head, daring to hold her hand. “Good. I was getting pretty tired of chasing ghosts.” she smiled, intertwining her fingers with his. “Since I saw you again, I kept thinking about you...About us. I kept thinking what I should do to break the shackles holding me in the past...And I think I need a to go on a journey of self-recognition. To discover again who I am, because clearly, I’ve forgotten everything I used to stand for. The person I’ve become isn’t the Miles Edgeworth that deserves you, and I want to become again that person.” he spoke, squeezing her hand gently. “And I will be there to support and cheer on you with every step you take, holding your hand and encouraging you, just as I’ve always done. Because you’re not alone in this world, Miley. You have all of us. We all love you, and that will never change. Don’t forget that this time too, okay?” she winked at him with a smug, kitten-like smile. “I promise I won’t make the same mistakes I’ve done before. Would you...Would you...Join me? I know it’s a lot to ask, that your life is here, and I would be taking you away from your career and passion...But...I would love it if you were by my side.” he asked in a low, timid tone, making the girl smile at how sweet he was being. “Bold of you to assume I would temporarily leave everything I’ve build to be with you...” she teased him, grinning at his solemn face. “And bold of me to even insinuate that I wouldn’t join you. I’ve been waiting for you for 15 years, Miley. There’s nothing in this world, except for yourself, that could keep me away from you. So...This time, when you leave, you better tell me so I can walk by your side. To the Moon and back.” she confessed softly, turning on her chair to look at him with a gentle expression. “Just like my love for you. The Moon and back. I promise you won’t regret it.” he caressed her face with the back of his hand, before boldly cupping her face and leaning in to kiss her, all the pent up love and emotions that were once caged inside their hearts bursting out, released into this act of intimacy they’ve been craving for ages. “I will never regret choosing you, Miley. I love you more than you can even dream of.” she chuckled softly looking at him with content and peace. “Thank you, my dear Y/N. I’m happy. I truly am.”

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the June 2021 Edition

I have read a lot of books this month. That should be stated upfront. Just an absolute metric ton of books. Some real good, some not-so good, some inadvertently hysterical. Also, I made that BINGO board. Because, like, you ever have a total crisis of writing-confidence and ignore that potential freakout and the tendency of your coworkers to miss deadlines by reading every free Amazon sports romance you can find? And several full YA series? In one month? No? My experiences are not universal, I understand. Anyway, there’s thoughts and opinions and spoilers under the cut. Everyone read the Once Upon a Con series, I’m begging you.

READ THIS SERIES! PLEASE! EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! EVERYONE IN EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! THE FANDOM STUFF DID NOT GIVE ME SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT!

Geekerella by Ashley Poston Part romance, part love letter to nerd culture, and all totally adorbs, Geekerella is a fairy tale for anyone who believes in the magic of fandom. Geek girl Elle Wittimer lives and breathes Starfield, the classic sci-fi series she grew up watching with her late father. So when she sees a cosplay contest for a new Starfield movie, she has to enter. The prize? An invitation to the ExcelsiCon Cosplay Ball, and a meet-and-greet with the actor slated to play Federation Prince Carmindor in the reboot. With savings from her gig at the Magic Pumpkin food truck (and her dad’s old costume), Elle’s determined to win…unless her stepsisters get there first. Teen actor Darien Freeman used to live for cons—before he was famous. Now they’re nothing but autographs and awkward meet-and-greets. Playing Carmindor is all he’s ever wanted, but the Starfield fandom has written him off as just another dumb heartthrob. As ExcelsiCon draws near, Darien feels more and more like a fake—until he meets a girl who shows him otherwise. 

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: to save her favorite Starfield character, Princess Amara, from being killed off. On the other hand, the actress who plays Amara wouldn’t mind being axed. Jessica Stone doesn’t even like being part of the Starfield franchise—and she’s desperate to leave the intense scrutiny of fandom behind. Though Imogen and Jess have nothing in common, they do look strangely similar to one another—and a case of mistaken identity at ExcelsiCon sets off a chain of events that will change both of their lives. When the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, with all signs pointing to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. The deal: Imogen will play Jess at her signings and panels, and Jess will help Imogen’s best friend run their booth. But as these “princesses” race to find the script leaker—in each other’s shoes—they’re up against more than they bargained for. From the darker side of fandom to unexpected crushes, Imogen and Jess must find a way to rescue themselves from their own expectations...and redefine what it means to live happily ever after. 

Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston In this third book of the Once Upon a Con series, Rosie Thorne is feeling stuck—on her college application essays, in her small town, and on that mysterious General Sond cosplayer she met at ExcelsiCon. Most of all, she’s stuck in her grief over her mother’s death. Her only solace was her late mother’s library of rare Starfield novels, but even that disappeared when they sold it to pay off hospital bills. On the other hand, Vance Reigns has been Hollywood royalty for as long as he can remember—with all the privilege and scrutiny that entails. When a tabloid scandal catches up to him, he’s forced to hide out somewhere the paparazzi would never expect to find him: Small Town USA. At least there’s a library in the house. Too bad he doesn’t read. When Vance’s and Rosie’s paths collide, sparks do not fly. But as they begrudgingly get to know each other, their careful masks come off—and they may just find that there’s more risk in shutting each other out than in opening their hearts.

— I cannot possibly overstate what an absolute delight this series was. Cute and sweet and adorable. Like rot your teeth sweet with romances that my high-school self would have swooned over. (I would have been so in love with Darien Freeman as a 16 year old, it’s not even funny. Also, I would have been obsessed with Starfield.) Let’s be honest, my current self swooned quite a lot. Reading these books genuinely felt like a love letter to fandom. To the good and bad and trashy parts of it, and it made my heart swell thinking about these fictional kids and the community they found and how much they learned and then they FELL IN LOVE and, like, not to sound like an after-school special, but: THE REP IN THESE BOOKS?!?? HOLY S H I T. So good. So goddamn good. And not, like, shoved to the side. Like, Jess falls in love with a girl. And it gets its swoon-worthy moment as much as anyone else. Plus, bi-librarian dad who wears suspenders??? Sign. Me. Up. Twisting the fairy tales into the stories also worked really well in my opinion. Honestly my only gripe was that Darien found a cell phone number in the white pages, but, like, everything else was a joy. Please read these books. I promise they will make you smile.

IN WHICH I CAN NEVER TURN DOWN A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge Betrothed to the evil ruler of her kingdom, Nyx has always known that her fate was to marry him, kill him, and free her people from his tyranny. But on her seventeenth birthday when she moves into his castle high on the kingdom's mountaintop, nothing is what she expected—particularly her charming and beguiling new husband. Nyx knows she must save her homeland at all costs, yet she can't resist the pull of her sworn enemy—who's gotten in her way by stealing her heart.

— Yo. YO. Everyone in this book was horrible! And it was wonderful! I figured out the twist approximately point two seconds after the potential for a twist was possibly introduced and it did not diminish my enjoyment of this book for one second. I am such a sucker for any Beauty and the Beast AU, but this was way different than anything I’d read before and Nyx was a blood-thirsty terror and I loved her. The magic and the world building was fascinating in that I really did not expect Greek gods and goddess, but it was also a welcome turn in a weird, huh, that’s interesting sort of way. And the banter was a-plus, top tier. Even when they were snarking at each other. Especially when they were snarking at each other. (Still a pretty quick turn from enemies to lovers, but I’m willing to overlook that based almost solely on the snark.) Plus, the castle was fascinating. And there were more twists aside from the main twist, none of which I figured out. All of which I gasped over. The end was like—chef’s kiss, fantastic. I would like a novel-length sequel to tell me how everything worked out.

...BUT THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD ONE WASN’T AS GOOD

Crimson Bound by Rosamund Hodge When Rachelle was fifteen she was good—apprenticed to her aunt and in training to protect her village from dark magic. But she was also reckless—straying from the forest path in search of a way to free her world from the threat of eternal darkness. After an illicit meeting goes dreadfully wrong, Rachelle is forced to make a terrible choice that binds her to the very evil she had hoped to defeat.Three years later, Rachelle has given her life to serving the realm, fighting deadly creatures in a vain effort to atone. When the king orders her to guard his son Armand—the man she hates most—Rachelle forces Armand to help her hunt for the legendary sword that might save their world. Together, they navigate the opulent world of the courtly elite, where beauty and power reign and no one can be trusted. And as the two become unexpected allies, they discover far-reaching conspiracies, hidden magic . . . and a love that may be their undoing. Within a palace built on unbelievable wealth and dangerous secrets, can Rachelle discover the truth and stop the fall of endless night?

— As much as I loved Cruel Beauty, I was like ehhhh on this one. Which is part Little Red Riding Hood (although that seems like a stretch, honestly) and part The Girl With No Hands, which is a fairy tale I have literally never heard of before. Rachelle was just—sorta whiny? Which, y’know, she was cursed and had fucked up her entire life, so fair, but also...annoying. I kept reading mostly to try and understand what the FUCK was going on with the magic. I like to consider myself a relatively intelligent person who can understand most YA novels, but this one was tough to keep track of. Like, sure, the imagery of the Dark Forest was cool, but also what is a Gladspring? I’m still not sure I know. Also, this kind of dragged in some places. Lots of patrolling the palace (whining about life) and not enough magic-fighting or establishing any sort of relationship between Rachelle and Armand. Which just sort of happened? Amidst, approximately, twenty-four different twists that were admittedly cool, but also felt like they came out of nowhere. Everything that happened in Cruel Beauty made sense. Most of what happened here felt like it was shoehorned in for shock value.

YOU WANT MORAL AMBIGUITY? BOY HAVE I GOT MORAL AMBIGUITY FOR YOU. IN GODDAMN SPADES.

The Firebird Series by Claudia Gray Marguerite Caine's physicist parents are known for their groundbreaking achievements. Their most astonishing invention, called the Firebird, allows users to jump into multiple universes—and promises to revolutionize science forever. But then Marguerite's father is murdered, and the killer—her parent's handsome, enigmatic assistant Paul— escapes into another dimension before the law can touch him.Marguerite refuses to let the man who destroyed her family go free. So she races after Paul through different universes, always leaping into another version of herself. But she also meets alternate versions of the people she knows—including Paul, whose life entangles with hers in increasingly familiar ways. Before long she begins to question Paul's guilt—as well as her own heart. And soon she discovers the truth behind her father's death is far more sinister than she expected.

— Guys. GUYS. These books, oh my G O D. Little known fact about me, but I am trash for cross-dimensional soulmates. The concept of “we’ll find each other anywhere” is one of my favorites, so I was so psyched about these books. And for awhile that’s what I thought I was going to get out of them. But. BUT! What I actually got was something, not totally different, but not entirely great, either. The problem here was that when anyone used one of the Firebird devices to jump dimensions they TOOK OVER THE BODY THEY JUMPED INTO. So, like, that consciousness got shoved to the side while whatever prime!person just took over. Living that body’s life. In a different dimension. And that’s kinda fucked up, right??? Brings in all sorts of questions about consent and morality and let me tell you, guys, this YA series DID NOT ADDRESS A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Which is also super fucked up!! So, like, Marguerite is just bouncing around dimensions taking over people’s bodies and lives and leaving this, frankly, trail of destruction in her wake. And as if that wasn’t enough!!! In the second book Paul’s soul gets, like, split and she’s got to round up the pieces through dimensions, meeting all sorts of Pauls who are occasionally kind of shit people and he eventually just, like, CANNOT COPE. Seriously, I could not stop reading these. Partially for the moral ambiguity. Partially because I could not figure out why Paul loved Marguerite. Also, capitalism was the ultimate villain. AS IT SHOULD BE, REALLY.

CREEPY FAE WERE KIND OF CREEPY AND THAT’S NOT BAD, BUT LIKE MAYBE THIS WASN’T A GOOD BOOK?

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson Isobel is an artistic prodigy with a dangerous set of clients: the sinister fair folk, immortal creatures who cannot bake bread or put a pen to paper without crumbling to dust. They crave human Craft with a terrible thirst, and Isobel’s paintings are highly prized. But when she receives her first royal patron—Rook, the autumn prince—she makes a terrible mistake. She paints mortal sorrow in his eyes—a weakness that could cost him his life. Furious, Rook spirits her away to his kingdom to stand trial for her crime. But something is seriously wrong in his world, and they are attacked from every side. With Isobel and Rook depending on each other for survival, their alliance blossoms into trust, then love—and that love violates the fair folks’ ruthless laws. Now both of their lives are forfeit, unless Isobel can use her skill as an artist to fight the fairy courts. Because secretly, her Craft represents a threat the fair folk have never faced in all the millennia of their unchanging lives: for the first time, her portraits have the power to make them feel.

— I’ve seen this book mentioned a lot. As good. And it wasn’t not good, but Isobel was pretty goddamn annoying and kind of dumb and a little self-important and I was mostly here for the creepy fae. That was fun. More fae should have antlers and stuff. Everything in this story happened ridiculously fast. I couldn’t believe it was over when it was over.

THE PROSE WAS VERY PRETTY. I’M NOT SURE WHY THE DRAGON HAD TO BE SUCH A MONUMENTAL DICK.

Uprooted  by Naomi Novik Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life. Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood. The next choosing is fast approaching, and Agnieszka is afraid. She knows—everyone knows—that the Dragon will take Kasia: beautiful, graceful, brave Kasia, all the things Agnieszka isn’t, and her dearest friend in the world. And there is no way to save her. But Agnieszka fears the wrong things. For when the Dragon comes, it is not Kasia he will choose.

— Let me just say first off, that this should have been two books. Everything happened so quickly, I swear I got whiplash. That being said, as a heroine, I liked Agnieszka a lot. She was understandably freaked by everything that happened, but once she kind of settled, she didn’t take The Dragon’s shit and that was good because The Dragon was kind of shitty. This is why it should have been two books. Because everything The Dragon did felt like it needed some kind of explanation. Or at least some sort of reasoning for why he was such a monumental bastard. Which is why I was a little confused that Agnieszka was in love with him? He was such a dick, honestly. The last third or so of this book was the best because Novik really does know how to write action and the magic itself was pretty fascinating. (I wish it went into more depth, but I think I’m spoiled by fic and that’s not actually how the publishing world works.) Kasia might have been the most interesting person in this story. Girl went through it and just became a total badass. I loved her.

MARAUDER FEELINGS! MARAUDER FEELINGS! SO! MANY! MARAUDER! FEELINGS!

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater All her life, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love's death. She doesn't believe in true love and never thought this would be a problem, but as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she's not so sure anymore.

— RICHARD GANSEY, MY BELOVED. What a dweeb. A self-sacrificing, sorta sad dweeb. When he wrapped his jacket around Blue, my heart exploded. I think I spent the last fifteen or so chapters with disconcertingly wide eyes and possibly my hand over my mouth. Still not entirely sure why a Welsh king was in Virginia, but I loved it. Was real glad he was there. As promised by that one book rec list I read months ago, the Marauders vibes of these books were off the charts. It was a weird story with lots of weird things and I hope Mr. Grey gets to be happy one day and that Ronan and Adam make out some more eventually. I think they’ll both feel a lot better if they do. Like, about the world as a whole. Has anyone read the Ronan spinoff series? Should I read the Ronan spinoff series?

OK, THIS WASN’T THAT BAD, ACTUALLY

To Love Jason Thorn by Ella Maise Jason Thorn... My brother's childhood friend. Oh, how stupidly in love with that boy I was. He was the first boy that made me blush, my first official crush. Sounds beautiful so far, right? That excitement that bubbles up inside you, those famous butterflies you feel for the very first time--he was the reason for them all. But, you only get to live in that fairytale world until they crush your hopes and dreams and then stomp on your heart for good measure. And boy did he crush my little heart into pieces. After the stomping part he became the boy I did my best to stay away from--and let me tell you, it was pretty hard to do when he slept in the room right across from mine. When tragedy struck his family and they moved away, I was ready to forget he ever existed. Now he is a movie star, the one who makes women of all ages go into a screaming frenzy, the one who makes everyone swoon with that dimpled smile of his. Do you think that's dreamy? I certainly don't think so. How about me coming face to face with him? Nope still not dreamy. Not when I can't even manage to look him in the eye. Me? I'm Olive, a new writer. Actually, I'm THE writer of the book that inspired the movie he is about to star in on the big screen. As of late, I am also referred to as the oh-so-very-lucky girl who is about to become the wife of Jason Thorn. Maybe you're thinking yet again that this is all so dreamy? Nope, nothing dreamy going on here. Not even close.

— Ignoring the fact that this was almost blatant self-insert, this was a mostly good, occasionally trashy book with brother’s best friend and the one who got away tropes. Which, as we know, are my life’s blood. (Plus, surprise, fake marriage that isn’t really fake?!? Ok. OK!) My only eeek moment was when Olive got super drunk and wanted Jason to like—consummate the marriage and he was like, No Olive, you’re drunk. And then they ended up doing everything except having full-on sex, which felt a little creep and a lot sketch and then it was never mentioned again. Also, Olive needs to find some better friends, God.

EMERSON COD VOICE: HE’S STAAAAAALKING YOU

Marriage For One by Ella Maise Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own.

— Ok, ok, ok, so I enjoyed the Jason Thorn book, right? Was, like, how bad could this other book be? And it wasn’t bad, but it was patently ridiculous. Let me explain what happened. Not entirely sorry for the spoilers. Jack the lawyer sees that Rose is only going to get the space for her coffee shop from her uncle’s will if she marries someone. She WAS engaged, but the guy split. For reasons no one can understand, especially Rose. She’s sad. She’s spent so much money on espresso machines! Enter Jack the lawyer who one random afternoon is like: HEY ROSE, YOU’RE MOSTLY A STRANGER, BUT I ALSO NEED TO GET MARRIED FOR REASONS I’LL ONLY SORTA EXPLAIN, LETS DO THAT. So they do???? And Jack the lawyer continues to be kinda weird and a little shady, but Rose has got the coffee shop and things are going well. Until! She’s got a leaky brain!!! That’s not a joke. Not a typo. Out of goddamn LEFT FIELD, Rose has got some horrible medical condition, so thank God she got married because Jack the lawyer’s got great health insurance. (this is ROMANTIC) and she’s got to have an operation and he stays with her and sleeps in the hospital chair and her coffee shop is somehow still going strong??? On Madison Avenue??? What sit-down coffee shop on Madison Avenue do you guys know that would succeed? None because it’s not downtown. I digress. Anyway, Rose makes a miraculous recovery, she and Jack the lawyer are now almost in love? At least having a shit ton of sex. They’re mostly happily married. Until, part two! The ex-fiance shows up and is like JACK THE LAWYER PAID ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. To which Rose is understandably flabbergasted. She confronts Jack the lawyer who fesses that he’s been seriously crushing on her since they met at her uncle’s Christmas party. She doesn’t remember this. He does. BECAUSE HE’S A STALKER. So, he knew about the will stipulation with marriage BACK THEN, which is why he used FIRM RESOURCES to investigate the ex-fiance and found out he was a con man, using Rose with plans to basically steal all her money. This infuriated Jack the lawyer because he thought Rose deserved better and then proceeded to basically con her himself, just in a different way. With marriage! He told her he needed to get married to show he was a family man to make partner. THAT WAS A LIE. He didn’t need it at all. He just—wanted to marry her??? To help her??? What a psycho. She leaves. He continues to lurk outside the coffee shop. They make up. No one mentions the stalking. The end.

I KEEP GIVING HELENA SECOND CHANCES AND SHE KEEPS...NOT DESERVING THEM

All In Series by Helena Hunting Sometimes I need an escape from the demands, the puck bunnies, and the notoriety that come with being an NHL team captain. I just want to be a normal guy for a few weeks. So when I leave Chicago for some peace and quiet, the last thing I expect is for a gorgeous woman to literally fall into my lap on a flight to Alaska. Even better, she has absolutely no idea who I am.Lainey is the perfect escape from my life. My plan for seclusion becomes a monthlong sex fest punctuated with domestic bliss. But it ends just as abruptly as it began. When I’m called away on a family emergency, I realize too late that I have no way to contact Lainey.A year later, a chance encounter throws Lainey and me together again. But I still have a lie hanging over my head, and Lainey’s keeping secrets of her own. With more than lust at stake, the truth may be our game changer.

— Last year I read a hockey romance by Helena Hunting that was very cute and traditionally published and she’s got a bunch more free Amazon books that, for some reason, I keep downloading and reading and they continue to be absolutely ridiculous. That first one was a not-so-secret accidental pregnancy (as previously discussed ONE TIME without a condom mention and bam pregnant) but the second one with Rook’s sister was actually pretty cute. I’m not sure why they all called him Rook. Almost all these series have at least one book with someone recovering from an injury and they inevitably fall in love with their physical therapist. So, that one was pretty ok. None of these, however, were quite as entertaining as (wait for it) QUEENIE AND KINGSTON. WHOSE FRIENDS AND TEAMMATES ALL CALL HIM KING. QUEENIE. AND. KING. Gag. I read it anyway. At least 99% of that decision was based solely on the fact that the story started just after King found out his sister was actually his mom. How am I supposed to stop reading THAT?!? I ask you. Highlights of Queenie and King’s romance included: him calling his mom/sister MOMSTER, Queenie being secretly married this whole time, WITHOUT KNOWING IT, his strawberry allergy that flared up because she’d had a strawberry milkshake and then GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB, her dad finding out they were dating because he was the GM of the team and saw that his starting goalie was having a MASSIVE allergic reaction, Queenie’s eventual ex-husband getting engaged to someone who previously tried to self-inseminate to trap Rook into a relationship (I am not making this up, I swear) and then when he found out that his fiancee’s kid wasn’t actually his, he got into a massive fight and earned a 20-game suspension. THAT’S A QUARTER OF AN NHL SEASON. Tom Wilson got fined five thousand dollars for practically killing Artemi Panarin on the ice! I did not read the last book in this series because it was MORE ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY and because it was Queenie’s dad and King’s mom and that meant they’d share a sibling. Which is where I draw the line, guys.

THERE WERE SEVEN BOOKS IN THIS SERIES! EVERY SINGLE ONE HAD TO HAVE A SCENE WHERE THE DUDE UNDERSTOOD THAT PERIODS WERE A THING???? LIKE THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE SOMEHOW?!?!

Hot Jocks Series by Kendall Ryan I've never been so stupid in my entire life. My teammate's incredibly sweet and gorgeous younger sister should have been off-limits, but my hockey stick didn't get that memo. After our team won the championship, and plenty of alcohol, our flirting turned physical and I took her to bed. Shame sent her running the next morning from our catastrophic mistake. She thinks I don't remember that night—but every detail is burned into my brain so deeply, I’ll never forget. The feel of her in my arms, the soft whimpers of pleasure I coaxed from her perfect lips…And now I’ve spent three months trying to get her out of my head. Which has been futile, because I’m starting to understand she’s the only girl I’ll ever want. I have one shot to show her I can be exactly what she needs, but Elise won’t be easily convinced. That’s okay, because I’m good under pressure, and this time, I’m playing for keeps.

—I read all of these. All. Of. Them. They were exceptionally quick reads. Every single one had a copious amount of sex in it and a very weird, apparently required scene, where the dude had to be like I’M NOT SQUICKED OUT BY PERIODS AM I NOT THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF MASCULINITY?? My favorite one was Grant and Ana’s, though, because it was so goddamn absurd I cannot believe someone wrote it. Basic gist was that Ana was dating someone on Grant’s team (he’s the captain, natch) but the guy was a dick and abusive and so one night Ana decides to leave, but she needs someone to help her and WHO DOES SHE TURN TO??? That’s right, reclusive captain Grant. Who’s spent the last few years watching his teammates marry-up and start families and he’s so jealous, but he can’t say anything because he’s a stoic MAN™. So he takes Ana and her dog (of course she’s got a dog) back to his super swanky bachelor pad and she just sort of...stays there? Video of the boyfriend accosting her at her job gets leaked and the boyfriend gets sent to the AHL which is not really how it would work, but fine. Naturally, Grant and Ana hook up. It’s emotional. Vaguely romantic. There’s no GODDAMN CONDOM. So, she gets pregnant. But, of course. Except! She doesn’t know if it’s dick boyfriend’s or Grant’s. Because he’s the male lead in a free sports romance on Amazon, Grant is the MOST understanding. He wants to help Ana. He would like to continue having sex with Ana. This is ready-made happily ever after. Only Ana’s like...eh?? She doesn’t want it to look like she bounced from one hockey player to the next, but also she sorta did and she kept telling Grant she just wanted to be friends, only to have sex, like, three chapters later. Then she just moved out! Just moved out. Seven months pregnant. Moving out. With her dog. Of course, this is a free sports romance on Amazon, so eventually she moved back in with Grant. Once she realized independence wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And because he left practice to be there when she had the baby. Oh! And she got a DNA test after. To see whose kid it was. Grant ripped that ‘ish up. Just ripped it up. Which is cool, I guess. But, like, you didn’t want to double check? What if that kid has to go to the hospital? Did she put Grant’s name on the birth certificate? What are his parental rights?? Anyway, they’re all set to live HEA when....THE DICK BOYFRIEND DIES. Straight up. No explanation. Nothing. Just Grant tells Ana he’s dead, she’s like, oh wow that’s sad, they send some flowers to the funeral and that’s THAT. I assume this was to close any potential plot holes on the father of this baby, but it was hysterical and I cannot stop thinking about it. Strangely enough, the one where the couple made a secret sex tape in college and then got back together because it got released may have been the healthiest relationship in this series.

[wyrorn]

Yeah, The Rise of Skywalker thing..

I’ve just watched TROS and I’ve never been so pissed after watching a SW movie. Even the Phantom Menace looks more acceptable than…THIS. I am a huge fan of Star Wars, alright? I love the new trilogy as I love the OT and PT, I love almost everything related to SW, but what I just saw in the cinema isn’t okay AT ALL. I understand that JJ wanted to give the audience what it wanted, but at what cost? And what the hell was that plot? Like really, did I just watch the adaptation of some sort of bad fanfiction or what? Recreation of Reddit theories?

I can’t believe what they’ve done to character development, it’s so messed up. Rey in TROS is a freakin’ terminator while Kylo Ren is just Rey’s punching bag. Their dialogs were so weird and almost the same in each scene when they are together. A lot of characters felt like decorations. Movie feels so rushed and 2 hours is definitely not enough for JJ to create a good movie and put a lot of plot elements at the same time.

So. Many. Unnecessary. Characters.

-SPOILERS ALERT- . . . . First of all, what the hell is wrong to Knights of Ren?! They are doing literally nothing but just walking around and “trying to look badass”. Come on, they didn’t even do anything in this film. Just a bunch of walking decorations. I really was hoping to see how they are gonna beat Rey or at least be a real threat to her and her friends. But nah, they didn’t even injure anyone in this film except Kylo

Secondly, so much is going on on the screen, I can’t even catch up. Can’t count how many awkward moments happened in this movie, but a lot of them made me laugh. Also, that Hux death was so out of place. Plot twists were so predictable..

Thirdly, I don’t know what they’ve done to Kylo Ren’s character but he looks like a helpless little boy, who can’t fight back without Rey’s help. He’s just running around, looking for scavenger and very gently asking her to join him in EVERY SCENE like bruh. He could at least try for once to do that by force, by defeating her (I know something similar was in film but..ehhhh, did he even defeat her there?). He came back to the Light Side WAY too quickly. Leia just had to say “Ben” for once and that’s it, Kylo Ren is dead. Like wtf, why she didn’t do that earlier? And why she did that in the most crucial moment for the Resistance? There is no conflict going on inside Kylo Ren’s head, he came back to the Light Side almost immediately. It looked like “Hey I just wanted to become an emperor of the whole galaxy 2 mins ago but now I’m a good guy, let’s destroy everything I’ve just achieved :))” He didn’t even doubt his actions. In the final battle he was SO useless. I was expecting him and Rey to team up but it just ended up with…Rey defeating Palpatine on her own, while Kylo was chilling in the pit for the whole battle and doing absolutely nothing, huh. I wanted to see THE BALANCE, when the Dark and the Light join up to defeat the greatest evil, to show that the Force is stronger when the Light and the Dark are together, that you can use both sides to get the advantage. I also was expecting a very big battle between Kylo x Rey vs Paplatine. They’ve lost such a good opportunity to show us the most epic lightsaber fight in the whole saga. When Palpatine took their energy to become stronger he could also ignite his lightsaber against them and give a pretty good fight with all these lightings and Force abilities. JJ also should have brought at least a couple of Force ghosts to help Kylo and Rey to defeat the greatest sith of all time, I highly doubt Rey could do that on her own even tho she has a blood of Palpatine. But nah, what the hell is the balance? What are you talking about? Let’s make them all Jedi again. I’d be okay with Ben’s death if he actually gave a decent fight to Palpatine, but we all know where he was during the fight. I’m pretty much okay with Reylo but I saw no romantic chemistry between them (in this episode) until the scene where Rey dies, the only thing they had just some sort of really weird connection, where both trying to kill each other but hesitate. I saw almost no progress in their relationship (in 9 ep). I think the ending would be MUCH MORE tragic and satisfying if both Kylo and Rey sacrifice their lives in order to defeat Palpatine and save the whole galaxy, like the dark side and the light side users. Like the Grey Jedi.

Fourth, Mary Sue moments. Tons of them. Won’t even explain this part.

Okay, you’ve killed Ben Solo. Rey happily came back to her friends and decided to live on Tatooine like nothing happened . But what the hell JJ? Why we don’t see Ben’s Force Ghost? Where the f is he? The ending itself looks pretty open and like..Rey just came back to life of scavenger. Is she happy now? Did she get what she wanted? Is she going to spend the rest of her days like outsider? Also, not bringing Anakin Skywalker at least as Force Ghost was unacceptable. His sacrifice was for nothing..

The only things I liked about new episode is character development of Finn and Poe and some visual effects. That’s all. Also Adam Drivers acting was incredible as always

The rest of the episode I just want to wipe out from my memory and consider this non-canon. Kylo Ren was my fav sequel character and I just can’t believe what they’ve done to him and his character

I’m extremely interested in fan-remake of the movie. Looking forward to make a TROS comic series or even a 2D movie, these things need to be fixed, at least I will have my own canon.

I’m still a huge fan of Star Wars, but I’m very afraid of what Disney might do to another trilogy.

I have spoken.

[retro-roulette]

Retro Roulette #99: Ballz (SNES, 1994)

Nothing truly encapsulates the 16-bet era more than, well, balls.

Sorry - ballz. My mistake. Ballz, or Ballz 3D as it’s sometimes known, was released for 16-bit consoles in 1994, to the joy of at least one juvenile advertising person, who was having the time of his or her life:

The mid-90s were interesting times. As we’ve discussed several times before, it was also a time when every studio was making a weird fighting game, to hypothetically cash in on the craze fueled by Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat and so on. One of the more heavily marketed titles of the era was Ballz, a game by PF Magic and Accolade. Accolade are also the folks that brought us Bubsy, so I guess keep that in mind.

Anyway, Ballz is a 2D-ish fighting game that did a remarkable job of pushing the graphical envelope while still daring to look super dumb. You have a weird cast of characters made from balls, including a clown, a ballerina, a caveman, and a rhinoceros. Your nemesis is a jester, who is also made from balls. Did I mention that there are balls?

Okay, yes, there are plenty of “balls” jokes to be made here, but ultimately is the game any good? Ehhhh, not especially. In most resepcts, Ballz struggles to offer much in the way of reliability or variety. There aren’t a lot of game modes, the hit boxes are weird, there isn’t an enormous amount of variety between the game’s characters, and the pacing of any particular fight feels awkward. The result is a rather clunky product that’s somewhat functional, but just isn’t well executed.

Still, I can’t resist giving it some minor points for being so weird. As you may have noticed, there’s a video screen in the background in every arena that just spits out weird phrases to punctuate how much “action” you’re “enjoying” with your “balls.” Balls!

I guess there’s something to be said for being so goofy that it somehow becomes endearing? Kind of? Anyway, as with a lot of games of the era that had even marginally objectionable content, Ballz is censored a bit on the SNES. Where as the Genesis version uses the original tag line, “You gotta have Ballz!,” the SNES version says this instead:

Now this is just a travesty - it’s not enough to play Ballz, you’ve gotta have them, too! I like to think that by being so dumb, this phrase is what made Nintendo change its mind about this sort of thing and not, say, Mortal Kombat’s sales numbers.

Ultimately, while it’s not without its charms, Ballz is a game that relies a bit too much on its uniqueness and not enough on being a quality experience. I can’t fully recommend this one, but if you simply must have a quality 16-bit balls experience, let me introduce you to this fellow:

Now here are some balls of a different color!

Here’s something I definitely didn’t know until writing this week’s article - remember the “Petz” series, which included Catz and Dogz and...this?!

This means that Petz Hamsterz did well enough to get a sequel! That says a lot about our society. Anyway, some of the tech used to make Ballz went into these games - if it weren’t for Ballz, the entire Petz Hamsterz franchise wouldn’t exist. What a time to be alive.

Speaking of which, next week’s game is the 100th in the Retro Roulette series! It’s a good one, too - one of my 8-bit faves. Until then, let me know your favorite balls-related games, and remember to have your Petz zpayed or zneutered.

[pixelgrotto]

A 24 Year Trial of Mana

Last month, the skies parted and pretty much every Western retro game enthusiast who dabbled in emulation in the early 2000s received a gift of mana from heaven - an OFFICIAL LOCALIZATION of Seiken Densetsu 3, the beloved sequel to Super Nintendo classic Secret of Mana that was never released outside of Japan. Finally presented to the rest of the world a whopping 24 years after its Japanese release in 1995, the game was christened with a brand new English title…Trials of Mana.

Anyone who was following me on Twitter at the time of the announcement knows that I lost my shit, especially when it was also revealed that Seiken Densetsu 3 - sorry, Trials of Mana - will be receiving a fancy AAA remake sometime next year. I’ll lose my shit all over again when I actually play that remake, and will surely cover it on this blog, but let’s talk about the original game first. Trials of Mana was, for so long, a lost gem of the Super Nintendo that was originally advertised in international magazines as a hot upcoming cartridge dubbed “Secret of Mana 2.” But it was never translated into English for nebulous reasons possibly related to a few bugs in the Japanese release, the death of the Super Nintendo and the oncoming trend of 32-bit consoles. Western RPG fans who had read those mags and dreamed of experiencing this oh-so-incredible-looking game (because ghatdang, is this game the epitome of SNES spritework or what) were left with nothing but sadness.

Until some time passed and the emulation scene began picking up steam, that is. In 2000, five years after the Japanese release of Trials of Mana, a group of talented ROM hackers banded together to release an English fan translation of the game. (The most famous of ‘em, Neill Corlett, now apparently works at Google in NYC.) The translation used the original Japanese name of Seiken Densetsu 3 and quickly became the only way to experience the game for an entire generation of kids.

I was one of those kids. I can’t remember when I first played the Trials of Mana/Seiken Densetsu 3 translation - or as we used to abbreviate it back then, “SD3″ - but I think it was in 2001. I was diving headfirst into the world of emulation, experiencing all of the rad games that I had missed out on because my old man had refused to buy me any 16-bit consoles, and I’d mightily enjoyed Secret of Mana. But SD3 blew its predecessor out of the water, at least in my eyes. There were six playable characters, multiple branching paths, a class system, a fantastic soundtrack, tons of giant bosses to defeat…and best of all, there was the feeling of being part of a secret, “underground” community experiencing a game that was only playable via a concerted fan effort.

Time passed, and the Mana series went through its ups and downs for more than two decades, eventually fading from prevalence but always maintaining fond memories in the minds of many, especially those who’d played the SD3 fan translation. One thing remained for sure, though - the original game was getting older with every passing year, and any hope for a re-release was now lost to the winds of time, withering like the Mana Tree. 

Or so we thought.

And that brings us to today. No longer confined to the niche corridors of the interwebs, an officially sanctioned translation of Trials of Mana is a thing, released via a collaboration between Square Enix and Nintendo as part of the Collection of Mana anthology. I’ve played and beaten it, and it felt something like revisiting an old friend’s house, marveling at the changed interior design, but then snuggling up on the sofa with a warm cup of hot cocoa. The new translation is some good stuff - it’s presented via a slightly squished font that looks like something from an old DOS interface, but once you get used to it, the huge differences between a script translated by professionals and one pieced together by kids on the internet becomes apparent. Everything is wordier, but in a good way, and certain names have been translated to be more in line with Heroes of Mana, the not bad 2007 strategy game that served as a prequel for Trials. Some of these names are ehhhh - for instance, the giant turtle who ferries you between islands will ALWAYS be Booskaboo, as he was called in the fan translation, and NEVER Vuscav, which is his totally boring name in the official one. Others, such as calling the God-Beasts the Benevedons, work just fine.

Elevated translation aside, Trials of Mana is just as solid as it ever was back when all of us were exclusively calling it by its Japanese name. Some may argue that the game does contain a little too much grinding, which is a fair criticism, especially near its ending where you’re forced to spend extra hours farming for item drops to achieve the final classes of each character. Others may point out that predecessor Secret of Mana had the more compelling battle system, since all the characters in that one weren’t limited to a single weapon. These foibles aside, however, I still believe that Trials of Mana is one of the finest examples of the classic JRPG setup - that of a plucky group of teenagers running across the world to stop collectives of colorful villains from causing its destruction - and something about meandering through its vibrant towns and whacking away at its cuddly baddies is just comforting.

You should absolutely play Trials of Mana if you have any interest in this sort of JRPG, and while the OG fan translation will never die, I’d say that the new one is the way to go if you can get a copy of it. Sadly, it was only released for the Switch due to Square having to contact Nintendo for assistance with the game’s source code - a fine example of how big companies suck at video game preservation - but since the new translation is actually a hacked ROM, those in the know can probaaably find a version of it floating online…which can even be run on real hardware. If you go that route, though, then at the very least buy the upcoming remake of the game, which looks like an incredible example of a modern Mana title finally getting a big budget. Because efforts to dig up and re-release gaming history like this in an accessible form should be rewarded and supported…and gosh darn it, despite all odds, retro gaming fans received mana from heaven. After 24 flippin’ years.

All screenshots taken by me.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 108

Garlic Junior Saga!     No last-episode-recap this time.    It’s a brand new arc, and we’re gonna jump right into it.   

And we start with our first three civilian casualties.    Garlic Junior doesn’t waste any time.   He’s only got nine episodes to work with here.

I never really caught on to why Garlic and his henchmen were killing these people, probably because Funimation didn’t seem to get it either.    In the dub, the frightened humans are like “We didn’t do anything!”  and the bad guys are like “We never said you did!”    The implication is that they just felt like killing some random people.  

But this time around, I’ve seen Dead Zone recently enough that I finally recognize the scenery.   This is the ruins of Garlic Junior’s castle from his movie.    The throne, the big tree, and the fruit he’s eating are all from Dead Zone. 

So I guess the people they just killed were squatters?  I’m kind of surprised that regular people just stumbled across Garlic Junior’s fantabulous evil stronghold one day.    I don’t blame them for wanting to move in, though.    That place looks awesome.   I’m pretty sure it’s a long drive to the store, though.

Also, the narrator helpfully informs us that it’s been about ten months since Goku defeated Frieza.    The Dragon Ball Wiki says that this happened on Christmas Eve, which would put the Garlic Junior Saga somewhere in mid October, I guess.   Perfect for Halloween.

And here’s a nice shot of Goku’s house.    Wow, he lives right on the edge of a cliff, huh?   

All right, we got a lot to cover, so I’m putting it behind a cut.  

I was a filthy casual when DBZ first aired on Toonami in the late 90′s.   Consequently, I didn’t see the Garlic Junior Episodes until January 1, 2001, when Toonami ran the episodes as a marathon for New Year’s Day.   I always assumed that they had purposely held back those episodes just for this occasion, because in 1999-2000 I only knew the Frieza saga had ended and the Trunks/Androids/Cell stuff had begun.   Much later, I found out that the Garlic Junior episodes had been aired on Toonami in order.    I probably just missed the entire thing because I wasn’t paying that much attention to the show.  

So for me, I kind of have a soft spot for this arc, because with the way I first viewed it, it felt like a hidden stash of “secret” episodes, telling a side-story of what happened while Goku was away.    This has alaways been my approach with writing fanfiction.    I prefer to find a lull in the canon story and write a side-story set during that.   That’s basically what Katsuyuki Sumisawa did with this arc, although he was just creating filler episodes to allow the manga to pull further ahead of the anime.   

To give you an idea of the real-world motives behind this arc, Episode 108 aired in Japan on September 18, 1991.   A few days later, Chapter 342 of the manga was published, which featured Goku getting beaten by Android 19, which roughly corresponds with Episode 128.   Now that may seem like a pretty safe cushion, but remember that more than half of the twenty episodes in between are filler.   

108-117: Garlic Junior Saga

118: Mostly filler featuring Gohan and Mr. Shu

119-123: Adapts the Trunks chapters from the manga, mostly.

124: The Z-Warriors training

125: The Driver’s Ed Episode.

126-128: Mostly adapts the early Androids chapters, featuring Marron.

If not for all those filler scenes, the Goku vs. 19 fight would probably end up airing only four or five weeks after it saw print.   Thanks to the Garlic Junior Saga, Toei managed to push it all the way out into February of 1992.  

I’m not sure how things got to that point.   I suppose Toei was struggling with adapting the later portions of the Frieza battle, since there wasn’t a lot of room for filler scenes.    To be sure, they stretched it out as much as they could, but probably not as much as they would have liked.    The Saiyan and Namek arcs made it a lot easier to add filler, because they had longer time frames and more characters in play.     The whole Frieza battle takes place in maybe under an hour’s time, with the climax featuring two guys fighting alone for less than five minutes.    Toei managed to stretch that into six episodes, but they probably needed sixteen to facilitate their production schedule.

And that’s where the Garlic Junior Saga comes in.    This is the first story arc to be all-filler, and so it’s far and away the longest stretch of filler episodes.   You can skip it and not miss a thing.   Indeed, Dragon Ball Kai does exactly that.   I dig that, because a lot of younger fans got into the show by watching Kai, and for them, the Garlic Junior arc is a hidden stash of secret episodes, just like it was for me eighteen years ago.   Are they any good?   Ehhhh, not really.  I like ‘em though. 

I’m not sure why they went with the plot they did.    My guess is that they went to Katsuyuki Sumisawa and told him to write a ten episode filler arc.    Well, who are they gonna fight?    Toriyama clearly had other plans for Frieza and Vegeta, and they were the two main villains.   The Androids were off-limits because they hadn’t been introduced yet.  Piccolo’s a good guy, Tien’s a good guy, Pilaf is a joke, and all the other villains are dead.   

I suppose they might have decided to invent a new character to be the villain, except they already had with the DBZ movies.  By this point, you had five: Garlic, Dr. Wheelo, Turles, Lord Slug, and Cooler.  The middle three on that list were killed pretty convincingly in their movies.  Maybe Cooler might have been up for consideration, since he ended up returning in Movie 6, but Cooler would be a little too much for the good guys without Goku to back them up.  

So that leaves Garlic Junior, the one bad guy that never got killed, because he wished for immortality.  

There’s two problems with bringing back Garlic, though.  First, his movie never fit into continuity in the first place.   Dead Zone features Goku and Piccolo teaming up to rescue Gohan, as a sort of alternate version of the Raditz episodes of DBZ.    So it doesn’t really make much sense as an even that takes place concurrent with the Raditz adventure.   In both stories, Goku acts like joining forces with Piccolo is unprecedented.    Dead Zone can’t have taken place after the Raditz episodes, because they end with Goku getting killed.   They can’t take place before the Raditz episodes because none of Goku’s friends are supposed to know about Goku’s son until Episode 2. 

Katsuyuki Sumisawa’s answer to that is to sort of handwave it and hope no one looks at these episodes too closely (ha!).   Basically, Garlic jumps from the movie to the anime like it’s no big deal, and all of the other characters remember him and the stuff he did.    As long as no one brings up Raditz, it works, and let’s face it, Raditz has been long-forgotten by this point.  

If you’re a hardcore continuity nerd like me, it’s probably easier to think of the Garlic Junior Saga as a made-for-TV movie sequel to “Dead Zone”.   Call it Movie 5.5: Dead Zone II.   Or you can do like me and try to pretend that some alternate version of Movie 1 fits into canon as a prequel to DBZ.   But that probably doesn’t work well either.  

The second problem is that Garlic only survived his first appearance because he was trapped in the Dead Zone, supposedly forever.   The whole point of the movie’s conclusion was that Garlic managed to become immortal, only to end up trapped in place where death was the only escape.    So how did he get out?  Well, we’ll cover that in a later episode. 

So let me get on with recapping the episode properly.   Krillin goes to meet Gohan and he’s dressed in fancy clothes and he has a swank car.

He’s also got a girlfriend.  For some reason he leaves her in the car while he goes to talk to Gohan, and then when Gohan asks him to join him for a swim, he starts stripping down like it’s no big deal.  

His whole purpose for this trip is to invite Gohan over to Kame House for a get-together.   Apparently the gang hasn’t met since they wished Tien and Chiaotzu back to life.   Also not appearing in this episode: Tien and Chiaotzu.   Of course, Gohan has to ask his mother first, because he’s babby.  

Gohan finally realizes after they leave that Marron is Krillin’s girlfriend, and he gets all excited for Goku coming back to find out about this.   Then we see a cloud that looks just like Goku.   Drink it in, because this is the most we’ll see of Goku for the next several episodes.

Meanwhile, Kami pays a visit to Piccolo and offers to install Piccolo as the new Kami.   This makes absolutely no sense to me.    Even if Piccolo were a worthy successor (he was a villain less than two years ago), he can only live as long as Kami, because when one of them dies the other dies too.    So the only way this works is if Kami’s planning to retire and Piccolo can find another successor before Kami dies of old age.   

Piccolo angrily refuses the offer, and warns Kami to pay attention to his job, since the Demon Clan has been becoming more active lately.    In the dub, Piccolo warns of “disturbing images” in his meditations, which he suspects may be insights into the future.  I find this a little easier to swallow than “The Demon Clan has been becoming more active lately.”   How does Piccolo even know this?

While Kami is away, Garlic Junior invades the Lookout and captures Mr. Popo.    He introduces his new henchmen as the “demonic Four Monarchs”.   The dub calls them the “Spice Boys”, because they wrote the dub in 1999 and the Spice Girls were a thing, you see.   And their leader is named “Spice”, so that kind of works.  

At Kame House, the gang meets Marron, although they really don’t find out much about her except that she’s a huge ditz.  

When Krillin is reluctant to call them a full-on couple, she starts flirting with Yamcha instead.   Geez.

Master Roshi wants to touch Marron’s boobs.    What pisses me off about Roshi is how he will absolutely be that direct about it, but first he has to set it up with this long build up before he does the line.    As if there could be any other punchline.  

Roshi: Hmmmm..... Krillin, I’m being very serious right now.   Very serious.

Krllin: Okay.    I ought to know better, but I’m listening.  

Roshi: ......................................................................................................

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

............................................................................................TITS.

It’s not even funny when Bulma hits him, because I’ve seen it so many times.   Of course she hit him.  

Anyway, Gohan’s not there because his mom won’t let him go.    Can you really blame her?   Roshi’s literally being a jackass right now.   Besides, the last time she let Gohan go to Kame House, Goku got killed and she didn’t see him again for a year.     This is what they call in parenting circles a “no-brainer.”

Meanwhile, Kami finally gets back to the Lookout, and the bad guys capture him too.  

Garlic hates Kami, but he won’t kill him just yet because he plans to use the Dragon Balls...

... to revive Garlic Senior, who was Kami’s old enemy from long ago.    I’ll touch on this later, because this post is pretty long already, but mostly I want to point this out because I always thought reviving Senior was a dub-ism.    Surely, I thought, Toei understood the rule that you can’t wish people back after they’ve been dead for over a year.  Then Resurrection F came out and I realized that this rule probably never really existed.   Kami told King Kai in the Frieza Saga that Shenron could only revive Frieza’s victims going back one year, but apparently for resurrecting a single individual it’s not as big a deal.  

Of course, Garlic Senior’s been dead for a long time, I think.  Maybe it really is impossible for Shenron, and Kami is just keeping that to himself, since it’s the only thing keeping him alive right now.

Meanwhile, Gohan sneaks out of the house with Icarus, aka Haiya Dragon.  Yeah, so Icarus is a character from Movies 3, 4, and 5, who has never appeared in the anime until now.  I guess Toei figured they were already using movie characters, so one more wouldn’t hurt.   It’d be kind of neat if Garlic had recruited some disfigured henchmen from some of the other movies.   Dr. Cohin, Neiz, and some of Turles’ guys were probably still in somewhat decent condition.    Garlic could have turned them into demonic monsters or something.

Back on the Lookout, Garlic has declared himself the new Kami, and he leads his team inside to rummage through Kami’s attic.   There, he finds his father’s secret weapon, which was confiscated by Kami a long time ago.   

Ugggggghhhhhhhh....

In the dub, they call it the Black Water Mist.   I never quite understood the name, since calling it “water” and “mist” seems redundant.    Turns out, this was an embellishment on the Japanese name, which is literally just “Aquamist”.    Not a translation.     Garlic’s voice actor says “Akua Misuto”.   I’m guessing Funi just added “Black” to it so there’d be an extra syllable to support the lip flaps.    That, or they recognized that “Aquamist” and “Water Mist” are stupid names for an evil potion.

Also, it’s black, so why not call it the Black Water Mist.    I think “Black Mist” would be more direct, but I do like the way “Black Water Mist” sounds.     Anyway, the deal with this stuff is that it turns people into demons when they breathe it.     Well, the word “demon” gets stretched pretty thin in Dragon Ball, but we’ll cover that later.   Suffiice to say, the BWM will turn everyone evil, which works pretty well for Garlic Junior’s scheme to conquer the world.    It kind of makes me wonder why Kami held on to the bottle all this time.   Maybe there just wasn’t a safe way to dispose of it.   

I love the visuals of this episode.   The Garlic Junior Saga isn’t exactly Shakespeare, but it does offer some high-quality cartoonish supervillainy.   Garlic stormed the Lookout, deposed Kami, and now he’s dumped Evil Gas all over the world.    Big shots like King Piccolo, Frieza, and Vegeta would talk a lot about what they would do in the future, but Garlic’s already doing it.    He wished for immortality in his first appearance, and now it’s his second appearance he’s already conquered the world.   To be sure, his evil scheme really kind of goes downhill from this point, but the sheer amibition on this guy is a think to behold.   We don’t get to see just how his new world order was supposed to look, but we do get a bigger taste of it than most of the other villains ever did.   Just look at all that Bad Guy Juice just spilling off the Lookout.    The Lookout, that was once the vaguard for peace on Earth.   

Meanwhile, the good guys are all.. having a party, completely unaware that anything is wrong.   Oh, and Bulma’s red pants are back.   Enjoy it while it lasts, Bulma.   Enjoy it while it lasts. 

[destressjournal]

DCOM Rankings #60: Twitches

Yeahhh our country is effed up. Let’s review a movie!

So I loved this movie and it’s sequel as a kid. I forget which one I liked more so I guess we’ll have to see what happens when I get there.

The big question: does it hold up? Ehhhh kinda. The charm is definitely still there! But the logic and reason....no that kinda flew out the window. But we’ll get there!

As always: let’s talk about the flaws first:

- the biggest flaw in this movie is the establishment of the backstory and basic premise. The movie doesn’t have a strong foundation. Okay, there’s this magical dimension called Coventry and there’s this evil thing called “the darkness” (so original), that’s been threatening the main castle. Okay, fine, whatever. Then two twin sisters were born, princesses, and their caretakers sought to get them out of there as fast as possible and into a dimension where they would be safe. Great! I like it. But I don’t like the fact that they reiterated that the babies defeated the darkness before they were taken away. Ummmm, the babies won. Why are you taking them away from their home? They just defeated the monster! It would have been a lot more interesting if either the father sacrificed himself to save the daughters (which he kinda did but not really), or if Thantos had taken the babies away himself or at least orchestrated that plan because he knew how powerful the girls were. Basically the premise and backstory just weren’t thought through all the way. Like iliana and carsh knew where they were the whole time! And they never bothered to tell the mom?!? Wtf.

-the first half hour is waaayyy too fast. Honestly, maybe the entire movie is too fast. The whole thing takes place over the course of one day! ONE DAY. That’s just not enough time to establish the setting, characters, and the plot all at once. I’m impressed how much they were able to achieve but it’s definitely not perfect, especially at the beginning when the sisters meet.

-the villain. Not strong enough. He’s just an evil cloud...ooooo so scary. But I’m not gonna lie, I was scared of the evil cloud as a kid lol. Only at the end where the face popped out. Nowadays I’ve seen all the classic horror films and jump scares soooo a dark cloud just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I don’t need something that’s just scary, I need something that’s compelling and story-driven.

-the rest of the flaws are just logic-based, and are likely related to the first big flaw, so I won’t get into those.

Now, the good things:

-Tia and Tamara are always amazing. All the actors in this movie are great! AND Jocelyn from schitts creek is in this movie!! (she’s not in the second one tho). They definitely casted a lot of Canadian actors for these roles. But they do in every DCOM.

- while the backstory and premise are deeply flawed. The movie itself tries to make up for that as much as it can. It’s charming and cute and i love watching these sisters learn about each other and how to use their powers. I love the sun/moon vibe going on too. And how it reflects in their personalities. I thought that was a neat touch.

-Coventry may not be as fleshed out as Halloweentown but I think it has its own charm to it and I’m glad the second movie took some time to explore that world too. It’s at least intriguing enough that it’s something I would like to learn more about. I’m just glad there was a decent explanation and worldbuilding as to why they have powers (I’m looking at you “now you see it”)

Overall, I think nostagia probably won a bit here, but it’s definitely not A+ level. I’m moving it down to a B+, but probably on the higher end of that B+ list. I feel like I should say more but the only thing I can think of is that, okay, the main characters are 21, umm if this is set in America or even Canada, I’m PRETTY sure there would be a lot of booze at this birthday party. Obviously, it’s a DCOM and they can’t show people drinking alcohol, I just thought that was funny watching this as a 25-year-old and thinking about my own 21st birthday party. But also....I’m surprised the characters still live at home at that age, in a movie, and I think that’s pretty realistic nowadays. Heck, I still live at home. I’d like to move out sometime this year but we’ll see how that goes....

Next movie is the big one....and I know for a fact that nostalgia is going to keep me from being objective on this one. And I’m fine with that! Bring it on!!

[clownkiwi]

Ruby’s Thoughts on the Super Mario Bros 35th Anniversary Direct Earlier This Morning

ok!!! let’s talk about those silly mario announcements today, because, if ya know me, i love me my marios so much. in fact, some of my favorite games of all time include super mario world 2: yoshi’s island, super paper mario, super mario galaxy, mario & luigi: bowser’s inside story, super mario rpg, & super mario odyssey; it’s safe to say ive been a mario fan for a long time, and i love him alot.

and considering its marios big year (shhhhhh, hes turning 35 this year!!!), you’d expect a lot of big things. and, like i said, we got a bunch of mario announcements!!! some of them huge!!! and some of them i’m mixed about, but we’ll get to that once we start talking about them. so, let’s start with the very first announcement down below!!!

1) Game & Watch: Super Mario Bros

So like, as the first announcement, ummmmmm. This doesn’t look too bad. and I know this was made as a collectors item for like the most extreme Mario fans & game collectors/”historians”. And I’m one of those, a huge Mario fan. So like, I really really want it, even though it’s just a Game & Watch with Mario 1, The Lost Levels, a clock, & a Game & Watch game, priced for $50. And I’m on the fence. Like, ehhhh??? Should I pay $50 for games I could easily emulate on my laptop for free??? But also, this is a collectors item, and I know Nintendo fans will buy these in bulk and sell them for a higher price on Amazon & eBay, so like. Maybe I will get this. Just to see all the Mario stuff on there!!! And I’ll keep the box as well as the thing itself, and yea, I might actually get it for Christmas. yay :)

2) Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

Now this was definitely an exciting announcement!! We all knew this was happening, from all the rumors, just to the fact that this was inevitable. I’m very glad Mario 3D World will get another chance on the Nintendo Switch!! If you’ve heard from many Mario fans & Wii U owners, it has to be one of Mario’s most underrated adventures in recent years; and that’s coming from someone who’s favorite underrated classics happen to be Super Mario Land 2 & Super Mario Galaxy 2! So it’s very exciting that we got one of the best Wii U games ported on the Switch! And this time it’ll have online multiplayer, but I don’t think that’s what I’m excited for the most. What I’m really interested in has to be Bowser’s Fury. What is that? Will it be harder levels, will it just be more of what we already loved from the game, or will it be a whole new campaign/story after beating the main campaign? Nintendo has been very vague about it, and we can only really know once it get’s close to coming out next year. So I’m very excited to see what that’s about!!

And yes, I should warn you, this is the only bit of new Mario content to come out that I can actually play. Everything else will be pure nostalgia bait, for both good and bad reasons. We’ll talk about that later, but all things considered: I’m very excited for this game, and I can’t wait for it to come out on Switch :)

3) Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit

OK, so like. If I was 7-11, I would be very excited for this, and I’d be begging my parents to get this. This would be something fun to play with if I was younger. But not only am I not in the age group appropriate for this, our house is messy as fuck. If I wanted to properly play this, I’d have to clean everything up our house, which will take a lot of work. So, this will be one I will pass on. Not to say it isn’t cool as fuck and I’d love to get it, I just won’t be able to play it ever in my house. Plus, it can only be played indoors, meaning I can’t make cool as fuck courses outside. This’ll be one of those Nintendo Labo things to me personally, where I’ll see it, go “Wow!! Cool as fuck, wish I had that,” I won’t get it, and I don’t think my life will be personally too affected. Still really cool though, I’ll admit that.

4) Super Mario Bros 35

OK OK, so this was another one of those “WOAH, WACKY NINTENDO COMING AT US FROM LEFT FIELD” things that like, seemed so obvious. Why hasn’t Nintendo conceived a Mario Battle Royale? Well, only because they were holding it for Mario’s 35th Anniversary, and, I love it!!! This seems like a game I’ll play alot, and I’ll have to play as much as I can, because compared to these other games, this one will be limited!!

Yea, would you believe it?? If you have a Nintendo Switch with Nintendo Switch Online, you can only play this from October 10th to March 31st. Which seems very dumb!!! Why would you get everybody excited over a cool game that alot of people might love, only to take it away from us, like, barely six months after it came out? This makes no sense! But trust me, we’ll go more in-depth on this soon. Before we talk about that, let’s talk about the other stuff!

5) The other stuff

I wanna get those cute new Mario overalls. I also wanna get those Splatfest keychains when they come out, as well as those Mario pins!! Sadly, you have to buy one of the new $60 Mario games when they come out, which sucks! Because I don’t have much money on my Nintendo account, and I don’t even have a job, so I can’t get it right away. Also seems real greedy to give out something for free when you also have to buy something in order to obtain it. But trust me, this is only a setback; I will get those pins if it’s the last I do.

But, of course, it’s time to talk about the most controversial announcement that was made today. The final announcement Nintendo made today regarding Mario’s 35th Anniversary, and that’s

6) Super Mario 3D All-Stars

That’s right! The highly rumored, highly hyped up, highly exciting announcement yet! The one everyone has been talking about, the one we’ve all been getting excited over! And even though I was first excited by this, I was also a little bit disappointed. Now, however, I’m even more mixed on this one!!

Let’s talk about the Pros & the Cons about this one.

Pros

Mario 64, Sunshine, & Galaxy are finally on Switch!!! Wow, that is very exciting!!!

Wow, Mario Sunshine looks so beautiful in HD!! Probably because of the widescreen thing, but that makes it better!!!

The Music Player is cool, I’m glad I’m now able to listen to the whole soundtrack of Mario 64, Sunshine, & Galaxy on the comfort of my Switch!! :)!!!

I’m glad they’re all together in one collection!! That’s super cool too!!

And hey, it’s coming out real soon too, that’s cool!!

OK, that’s all I have on the Pros, let’s move onto the Joycons. Cons, I mean.

Cons

OKAYYYYYY, where can I even start??? The title is very misleading. It is called “Super Mario 3D All-Stars” right?? Why didn’t these games get beautiful HD remastered graphics, or better yet, full on remakes?? With updated graphics, stuff missing from the original prototypes added in there (like playable Luigi in Mario 64), or, hell, even stuff added from the DS remake onto the Switch remake?? Playing Super Mario 64 on the Nintendo Switch in an All-Stars-esque package should mean a total upgrade!! All we’re really getting is like, “Higher Resolutions” (even though fans have been able to port Mario 64 onto PC at 60 FPS & in 4K widescreen resolution, and the way the game looks on Switch just seems to be barely emulating, but whatever) and updated controls for the Switch. Now, it’s not to say that the novelty isn’t cool. I’m glad we’re able to play Mario 64 & Sunshine on Switch, but like, if these are just straight up ports of the original games with nothing added to it, why even release physical copies of it when you could just release them seperately through Virtual Console, or, ya know, just separate releases on eShop?? It didn’t seem too hard to just port them on Switch, why not rerelease them on the platform for a cheaper price? And speaking of,

The price of this. How are you able to justify 3 games that are all more than a decade old for $60 if you’re not even gonna add in any new content besides a music player?? This kinda seems very cheap and reeks of Nintendo trying to make as much of quick bucks as possible from this. You gave the fans what we wanted, you did the bare minimum, and now you will earn in the reapings. And I wouldn’t even harshly complain about this!! Yea, sure, fans are making more beautiful upscalings to Mario 64 on PC for free, but suuuuuure, make your loyal fans pay $20 for a 25 year old game you can easily emulate on your PC. And that’s not even my biggest complaint.

Oh yea, before I go to my biggest complaint: why didn’t you include Mario Galaxy 2?? I know Galaxy is a pretty long game, but at the very least the $60 would’ve felt a lil bit more justified (not totally justified, btw!!! $60 still feels too much to play 4 games that are all a decade old at least). And as it is now, it feels very bare bones. You can’t just rerelease Mario Galaxy onto the Switch without it’s sequel,,, and again, these would’ve been my biggest and only complaints, if not for this one,,,

Nintendo’s “Vault”

Limited Release. Not just limited physical release, but limited digital release too. You can only legally purchase this game when it comes out on September 18th, 2020 til March 31st, 2021. After March 31st, 2021, you won’t be able to legally purchase this game ever again. And this isn’t just a weird thing for the United States. The whole world will get affected by this too. You aren’t safe if you’re in Britain, Japan, Europe, or anywhere else where this game is legally sold.

Out of all of Nintendo’s anti-consumer practices they’ve done in the past half-decade, out of every greedy way Nintendo tried to make money off of your nostalgia, this has to be the most greediest and the most uncharacteristic ever. And I am absolutely anti-capitalist, all of yinz should know this by this point! But even then, this just seems incredibly shady.

Why would you hype up your fanbase over the anticipated rereleases of fan favorite games onto your console, ones that could rank in fans old and new, and only release it for a limited amount of time, before putting it back into a hypothetical “vault”, never to be legally released for an unknown period of time?

And why, as a company trying to heavily protect their image, take down ROMs & ISOs & emulators, but not even clearly release your classics onto modern consoles without doing something weird about it?

You all know what I’m talking about: stuff like “Nintendo Switch Online Nintendo Entertainment System” and “SNES Classic Edition”!!!! Like, limited edition stuff like NES Classic or SNES Classic are at the very least justifiable because they were made to make a quick profit for Christmas by nostalgia-baiting your audience!! Sure, that kinda makes sense. But this is moment that Nintendo seriously crossed the line.

The one chance, the one chance Nintendo could get every Mario fan happy & excited, and they did the bare minimum, in the most cheapest way possible, in the least consumer-friendly way possible, in order to make up for potential losses during this pandemic.

And honestly, we could’ve gotten something better. You could either chalk this to Nintendo’s results from being terribly impacted by a pandemic that forced everyone way from each other, or Nintendo was really planning this all along. And they could easily do this again as well if this game sells well.

Compared to Disney, which tons of people made comparisons to, I can’t currently pirate these Mario games! I lost important buttons from my keyboard for the D-Pad, and the PS4 controller I borrowed from my bro won’t work on my laptop anymore because I lost the proper cord, and other cords I tried using won’t work as well. So, I can’t really boycott this game. Mario is very close and dear to my heart, and I’m willing to buy this game.

However, what scares me the most is that Nintendo could do this again. Zelda’s 35th happens to be next year. What happens if they released the Zelda 64 games for a limited amount of time on Switch as well??? Or what if they released the Gamecube & Wii Zelda games as ports for the Switch in a collection for a limited amount of time as well??? I’ve seen someone predict that Nintendo could possibly do this again, and I can’t really stop it because I want to play Mario Sunshine on my Switch, I want to play Mario Galaxy on my Switch! But I absolutely despised the way Nintendo went along to do this. And I’m gonna hate it even more when they do it again, thinking they could easily fool us again just because it has the “Mario” name on it, or the “Zelda” name on it.

And that’s what I’m more scared and excited for all at the same time.

At the very least, more people are starting to notice.

[zephfair]

Writing Meme

I was tagged by the lovely @desperatlytryingtowriteabook (and how was I not following you before???!) with this writing meme.

Rules: Answer the questions for your work. You can use different fics, and even WIPs. Don’t hesitate to link your stuff for the curious ones :) And tag writer friends to play along!

1/ Which scene/paragraph/sentence are you the most proud of?

I’m weirdly proud of parts of Sailing Off Anchor because I tried so hard, repeatedly, to make the language and rhythm of the story fit the mood I was trying to convey. I don’t normally try to change my writing style to fit a story, or maybe I should say that I tell whatever story I’m telling in my own voice. But I put a lot of effort into trying to make Sailing a little different and more in keeping with how I think Riario thinks as well as showing his confusion and desperation. If that makes sense...

And I’m still immaturely proud of this scene in Thick as Thieves where I basically copy/pasted an ode to the character:

Leo’s fingers flexed, not wanting to engage but wishing for his pencils to draw the figure before him.

His eyes were immediately drawn to the slope of Riario’s neck as he worked out. Riario was always so fully dressed, looked Puritanical and proper in dark suits, dress shirts and ties. The only bare flesh Leo had seen was his cock. It felt illicit now to watch the back of his neck, glimpsing more skin as his shirt moved with his kicks.

His musculature was beautiful, yes, but there was something more about seeing the unseen, the usually covered, and Leo finally understood why Victorian gentlemen got all hot and bothered by women’s ankles, because they were modestly hidden all the time. He watched Riario’s neck, wishing the T-shirt’s neck was wider, until Riario stopped the bag and knelt down to pick up a towel. Leo could see his back flex under the shirt, and he wanted it.

I totally have an obsession with his back and you can tell I wrote this right after the cornfield scene aired and we FINALLY saw Riario shirtless. ;D

2/ For which work/piece of work do you get comments telling how marvelous it is, while you’re not that enthralled by that piece yourself?

I’m picking Creature Comforts, a ridiculous Teen Wolf one-shot that proved weirdly popular and I’m not sure why because it’s very, very gen. I got a huge number of comments for me, and so many requests for a sequel that I actually started one before I gave up. The story was supposed to be a 1,000 word, one-off crack fic, and I had the final paragraph joke set-up from the very beginning, but instead it ballooned into 10,000 words and got a ton of kudos. I had fun writing it, and I’m kind of proud of the way it turned out, but I never expected it to be my most “popular” fic by the numbers.

3/ Which character highjacked the story they’re in?

Anytime I write anything Teen Wolf, Stiles just takes over. In Da Vinci’s Demons, it’s usually Riario. He tends to dominate any story, even if he’s only in the background or offscreen.

4/ Which sentence/kind of sentence do you overuse?

I think I write the same description for kissing pretty much every time. I’ll catch myself using the same phrases or words over and over and then make myself change them, but there’s only so many ways to describe a kiss, I guess.

5/ Which work of yours would you be dying to get fanart for?

Any of them! I do think that Creature Comforts with wolf!Derek would make for some awesome fanart though. Or little Outlaw Cloud.

6/ Which work would you rather forget?

Any of my PWP smut fics. I don’t think I’m good at writing smut, and it’s the hardest (no pun intended) thing for me to write.

7/ Do you have a project you never got the nerves/guts to write?

I’ve lost the nerve to post anything I write! All I’ve been interested in lately is fluff and comedy, and I’ve written five or six things but not finished or posted them because I feel like I’m a burden to the few people who still read my junk. And I don’t want to make them read such crap; it feels like a cry for attention (or help). So until I gain courage or write something worthwhile, Imma just keep it to myself.

ALSO, my Da Vinci’s Demons long epic that I’ve mused over and plotted and outlined but ehhhh I’m not going to write 100,000 words that only three of us will read. I’m such a hypocrite because I always preach that we should write for ourselves first, and I do believe that, but I also know when I’m beaten. lol

8/ For which fandom have you written the most? (can be original fic, say if you count in terms of words, chapters or fics)

Oh, Tokio Hotel bandom, you were a hot mess! I have 29 stories of every pairing and rating for them. Then Da Vinci’s Demons. My original stuff is all over the place and unfinished. Right now, I have stuff going for FFVII, Da Vinci’s Demons, Teen Wolf, Kobi no Kyoujin and, please help me because I swore I wouldn’t, Will. But whether I actually post any of them, I don’t know.

This was fun! You should definitely make more memes, even if they’re just distractions for the time! ;D

[kingsofeverything]

Lauren don't stress yourself too much, you'll get it done and enjoy the process 💕

so i’m sure that people have heard me say this before, but i’m new to this whole writing thing. that includes all of it. so like.... everything i’ve written has sort of just tumbled out of me. not even kidding:

my first fic? i bought some lamps. at an antique store. and decided to write a fic because why not? i thought it would be the only one i’d ever write, so i filled it will every larry/1d cliche i could think of.

second fic? (running over thoughts) i wanted to see what it was like to write in present tense. also we were in the middle of a hurricane and i was bored. also i live at the beach. also i may or may not have pulled a lot of that stuff from my actual life. also one day i’d like to write a sailboat fic, which that one actually started as (more irl stuff)

3rd fic (messtival) i wanted to see if i could write from someone else’s prompt and not have smut

4th fic (yours in fractions) was talking in my gc about tropes and asked for them to throw some out at me. amanda @alarrylarrie said bed sharing. there ya go. NOW, this is the first time that i struggled with writing. i split it up into sections as i was writing it, i mean maybe you could call them chapters, idk. but i got to the last section and I HATED IT. so i decided to do nanowrimo. yeah. so i dropped YIF and left it alone for 30 days while i wrote:

my 5th fic, but the fic that i held onto until big bang. (how fast you fall) when we were tossing around ideas and tropes before YIF, one of amanda’s ideas was a love actually xmas au based on the porn actor stand ins. i thought it was fucking hilarious and there ya go. i wrote my ass off for the entire month of november and let me tell you, that fic was a mess. A MESS. this was the first time i tried outlining or even coming up with a plot at all before i wrote anything. it was weird, but basically it was just some words in a list that i went back and added to as i was writing. and it really did take like 6 months to edit. 

OKAY so then i went back and fixed the end of YIF and i’m happy with it now. but so i had to take an entire month away from it to be able to look at it and find a way to fix it.

my 6th fic! so my real 6th fic is actually a fic that i don’t think i’ll ever finish. it’s a really sad fic and basically i went into it thinking “i want to try to write something that is angsty and emotional but with a happy ending” and that was the first week of december. we all know what happened that week and i’d rather not discuss it, but basically, i just dropped it and couldn’t write anything for a like 10 days. which brings us to my actual 6th fic

6- (going to set himself on fire) it’s very short. 2k. wrote it in a couple of hours. just needed something funny, light, pwp, just........... something to take my mind off of things and there it is.

7- my most popular fic by far - (fall at my door) - i started it the day after xmas and i think it took me like... 2 weeks to write. and all i started with was the idea that i wanted to write a famous/famous fic. i got like halfway through the first part (louis’ pov) and started thinking “ohhh i should show harry’s pov” BUT i didn’t start planning his pov or anything? ugh i’m a mess. seriously. going back and lining shit up was such a clusterfuck. but it was fun!

8- (collide) found out a drabble is supposed to be 100 words exactly, thought i’d try it out.

9- (mercedes boy) @louandhazaf nic’s bday fic. sometime around nye i decided to write bday fics for my gc. i think it was right after i posted a scene from famd for @nottooldforthisship b’s bday. and lol ash @unintentionalarry was like my bday is in 4 days lolllll so she got a scene from famd too! lol 

10- ok so right after famd i signed up for the hp1d exchange - my first exchange! and omg i hated the first like month and a half of it because i didn’t like what i was writing AT ALL. i ended up scrapping an entire fic. but i uploaded my 10th fic (the oldest magic word) in the end of march.

11 & 12 (with a word) and (possessing all of me) are pretty much pwp sequels to famd and mercedes boy. both are bday fics. for @someonethatsfunny and @fratboylouie 

13- (it had to be you) the when harry met sally au. really the first “idea” i’d ever had for a fic. like when i first read larry fic, i was like oooh this movie would be cool as a fic. and then i forgot about it. and then i was watching gifs of billy crystal with the boys when they were on corden and i was like... i should write this now. so i did.

14- (one of many) a pwp bday fic for @theonewiththebluemic :D

15- my vegas fic (stranded in a dream) - written because i was told we weren’t welcome so :P

16- (soft wings) - bday fic for @alarrylarrie and ngl i struggled with it. this whole writing “difficulty” started after the vegas fic. idk.

17- my summer exchange fic, which i finished like.... idk a while back. before it had to be you, i think? maybe right after? can’t remember. 

in between all of this i’ve started like..... idk how many fics that i’ve (temporarily) abandoned. a puppy trainer fic. the sad fic. an exes to lovers fic that takes place during a hurricane. a restaurant au fwb hate to love fic. the other hp1d fic. a soulmate fic. a drunken leg wrestling fic (idk? i’m sorry?). a praise kink fic. 

my current wips that i haven’t abandoned abandoned are my robot fic, maybe that exes to lovers fic, a camper famous/not famous fic....... i think that’s it? idk. 

ANYWAY, OMG ANON I’M SO SORRY.  i’ve just rambled and rambled. i just haven’t been motivated to write at all. and when i have i’ve felt very ehhhh about it. whereas everything else that i’ve written above, i’ve really had fun writing. so basically.... if it’s not fun, i’m not into it. and i think that’s really lazy of me. so there’s like this weird cycle where i’m like “but it’s a hobby so it shoud be fun, but if i don’t write i won’t write, and i should make myself write because sometimes it’s hard.........” blah. but also irl stress and bullshit and maybe that’s what’s bothering me. idk.