#and probably lived through the hype when they were younger

[birdmenmanga]

I dreamt that there was this popular disco elysium headcanon that Kim Kitsuragi had twice's Feel Special as his ringtone (my subconscious is a fake ass de fan who doesn't know they don't have cell phones) and I woke up furiously thinking “he would NOT. years of acquaintances expecting him to be into the J- and K-pop scene simply because he is Seolite has driven him far away from the genre, to the point he probably even holds a mild disdain for it"

[violetsiren90]

The Light of Your Eyes

Pairing: best friend's younger brother!Changbin x f!Reader

Genre: one-shot; friends to lovers; smut and fluff; hurt/comfort

Summary: Can the gentle touch of an unexpected pair of hands on your body heal the wounds of your soul?

Content warnings: 18+ (minors, dni), age gap romance (consenting adults); mentions of break-up and unhealthy past relationship dynamics; depression and anxiety symptoms (mild); MC has self esteem struggles, some are body-image related; the ex was low-key emotionally abusive tbh 😒; depictions of alcohol consumption (no drunkenness); depictions of food and eating (MC has a moment of negative thought patterns in regards to food consumption); gaming/watching movies; emotional breakdowns; kissing (so much kissing, guys); Fluffy fluffy FLUFF 💕; making out; interrupted shenanigans; cuddling; shirtless Binnie 👀; strong and gentle Binnie 🥺💘 ; working through FEELINGS 😅 ; breast play; nudity; oral sex (f. receiving); feedbag position; confessions and new beginnings.

Word Count: ~9300

Author's Note: Well, here it is - my first Binnie fic! I wanted to make it as sweet and sexy as he is...which, I know, is impossible, so I gave it my best shot! Hopefully, it's something worthy of his face-claim. I'm not going to make any judgements as to whether I feel it fits the bill, but rather like the man himself, tell you to be the judge of your own opinions! Jutdae!! 😂💗 But in all seriousness, if you decide to read this story, thank you! I hope it brings you something warm and fuzzy!

*The poem at the beginning is an original, and is what inspired this story!

Acknowledgements: I cannot thank @moni-logues enough for beta reading this for me, and for all her hype and humor and general human decency - this story wouldn't be what it is without her! 💖

As always, if no one has told you today, please know that you're loved, and worthy of love! 🧜‍♀️💜

    

the

Bright color of my laughter and the

Melody of the curve of my hips and the

Soft velvet of my irises

     seemed

To have taken their first breath,

Opening gently - like flowers perfuming my soul

- When bathed in the light of your eyes.

"Changbin? What are you doing here?"

     "I could ask you the same question," he says with a little smirk, whipping a dish towel over his shoulder as he shuffles back to let you in.

     Fair enough, you suppose. You are showing up without notice. Not that you ever need to give his sister any notice - as your best friend, there's a key with all the others in your purse that unlocks the door you're closing behind you. You wouldn't have even knocked had his car not been parked in the driveway.

     "Where's Nari?" you ask, glancing at the gaming console hooked up to the massive flat-screen, and a bullet blender cup half filled with something thick, pale and probably protein-packed sitting on the coffee table.

     "She went out of town for the weekend," he calls, heading back toward the dining area. "Last minute work thing." 

     Damn. 

     Your apartment is boring and barren and lonely. You wanted to hang out. You've been coming around more than usual – almost as often as when you were in grad school together. But Nari had her own life, you understood. You had your own life too.

     And then three months ago, on New Years Eve, your long-term boyfriend called it quits. It wasn't as if you were heartbroken. Not really. The relationship had been sick and slowly dying. But returning to a life lived in solitude was proving a difficult adjustment – especially navigating the new and constant stillness which left you the mental space and dexterity to run up against the shadows of wounds unhealed. And you didn't feel like growing into your EQ. You felt like distracting yourself. So you ended up at your bestie's place more often than not, these days.

     You sigh, trailing toward the kitchen. You won't stay long - if her younger brother is house sitting, he'll probably have people coming over. It's Friday night, after all, and he's twenty-four years young.

    The sound of running water, and music from a little speaker playing a catchy beat laced with fast-paced rap draws you into the warmly-lit, open kitchen. You recognize the voice on the track.

     "This new?" you ask, dropping your bag on a barstool and rounding the island to where Changbin is up to his elbows in suds at the sink. He's in a black band tee and bright blue joggers, his curly dark hair unstyled.

    He looks over his shoulder and nods.

    "What do you think? Wait, no, lemme start it over..."

     You smile to yourself as he hastily dries his hands and whips out his phone, pulling the track back to the beginning. He braces himself against the edge of the sink, gnawing on his bottom lip as he bobs his head with the lyrical punches and runs. 

     You smile to yourself, leaning your back against the counter beside him.

     "This is good, Bin," you nod earnestly. 

     "Yeah?" he asks, returning to his soapy task.

     "It really is. Hyunjin's pretty damn fast. Not as fast as you, but who is?" 

You grin, bumping your hip into his side.

     He smirks down into the bubbles.

     He's wanted to make music for as long as you've known him, and even fifteen years ago he could spit out a diss track that would have you wetting yourself laughing. He and his buddy, Hyunjin, met in high school and started messing around with music senior year. They committed to the dream, and both worked full-time gigs - Hyunjin as a tattoo artist and Changbin as a personal trainer - while promoting their artistry in their spare time. Production was a tough road to take when they were counting on nothing but raw talent and guts, but you'd always been an unflinching supporter.

     "We've got a gig next Saturday...at The Eight Ball," he remarks, looking over at you as a proud smile presses a tiny dimple into his bread cheek.

     "What?!" you squeal, turning to smack him on the arm. "Dude, that's fantastic! Oh my god, congratulations!"

     "Thanks, and ouch!" he replies, rubbing his arm with a pout that you ignore. It couldn't possibly have hurt him, not with those biceps.

     He moves to the fridge, a grin still plastered on his face.

     "You should come!" he urges over his shoulder as he appraises his sister's stash before grabbing an energy drink. "I know the boyfriend isn't into rap, but you could come with Nari..."

     You scoff softly.

     "Doesn't really matter what he likes anymore," you mumble bitterly.

     Changbin freezes as he's about to crack open the beverage in his hand.

     "Wait, what? Did you guys...is that over?"

     You purse your lips and nod. Changbin looks completely taken off guard in a way that surprises you. 

“When did that happen?”

You reach back to clutch at the cold tile of the countertop.

“Beginning of the year.”

He scratches his head.

“Nari didn’t…why didn’t you say something?”

You shrug, your eyes falling. For reasons you'd never considered, you’d rarely brought your ex around or even brought him up to Changbin. 

He turns to the still open fridge and swaps out his energy drink for two beers, opening both and sliding one across the island between you.

     "How you holding up?" he asks in earnest concern, a little furrow appearing between his dark brows.

     You want to tell him that you're fine - it's what you've been telling everyone else - but from the way he holds your gaze before letting his eyes search your face, he's looking for a real answer. You pull your lip between your teeth. You're not ready to form the words that spell the truth. He sees it.

    "Ah," he waves dismissively, "Fuck that guy. You're too good for him anyway. What an idiot."

      You blink, a little smirk tugging at your lips.

     "You don't have to hate on him just because we're-"

     "I'm hating on him because I hate him," he stares at you unflinchingly, taking another swig of his beer. "He wasn't good to you, didn't make you happy. I'm glad he's gone. Seriously, fuck him."

     You didn't expect that sort of reaction out of Changbin. Not that you expected anything, but the strong, certain tone he took in regards to your ex's unworthiness has a tiny little warmth glowing in your chest. It was like him to feel strongly and take a stand, but to have his conviction aimed at you...

     "Thanks, Bin," you murmur softly, hiding your smile behind your beer.

     The young man nods, and his lips part as if to speak when his phone buzzes in his pocket. As he answers the call - clearly, from the nature of his greeting, one of his buddies - you're reminded that you’re trespassing on his Friday night. Draining your beer, you grab your bag and slip out of the kitchen. 

     You huff a little sigh as you pull on your shoes, lingering listlessly for a moment before pulling open the door. The thought of going home has your stomach churning. You can't go back and be alone there. 

You can't.

     You have to.

     How pathetic could you possibly get? you consider sickly, staring out into the darkness. Your self-loathing and mounting anxiety battle for dominance as you will yourself to take the step over the threshold that will carry you to your car…

     Click.

     The door swishes shut, and you blink in confusion before you note a bulky arm stretched over your shoulder, hand pressed to the wooden frame below the peephole.

     You turn into Changbin's frame and he jostles backwards, hand dropping to your shoulder.

     "Where do you think you're going?" he asks, a little smirk playing on his lips.

     You try to get your bearings as you resurface from the flash flood of inner turmoil, blinking up at him in confusion.

     "Uuhh...home?" you answer, jerking a thumb back toward your intended exit.

     Changbin shakes his head. 

     "You just got here."

     "Well...I came to see Nari but she's gone, so..." 

     When the faintest shadow of hurt seems to flicker over his features at your words, you stammer to clarify.

     "Bin, it's Friday, I- you've got plans, right? I don't want to be in the way...Like, it's really nice seeing you don't get me wrong, but, it would suck to have one of your sister's random friends underfoot if you're...if..."

     You trail off. He's watching you in amusement now, arms crossed and bottom lip pulled between his teeth, one eyebrow cocked just a little higher than the other.

     "What?" you press him, now a bit self-conscious at your rambling and still on edge from the surging anxiety of moments ago. 

     Damn, what was with you? You'd been a mess lately, and now you couldn't even get your words out with Nari's kid brother?

     "I do have plans."

     Changbin's words interrupt your muddled self-assessment. You glance up at him.

     What? Okay, that's what you had been trying to...

     "I plan to kick your ass at Super Smash Bros Brawl," he quips, turning to round the couch and settle in front of it before reaching for the blue controller discarded on the coffee table.

     Huh?

     You watch him start up the game and move through selections. Shuffling toward the back of the couch, you place your hands on it. He wants to hang out? Now that he found out you'd been dumped. Nari's away, so he's falling into stride, you think to yourself. You sigh. You should be grateful. Instead, you feel like a burden.

     "Um, Bin..." you murmur, "You don't have to do this..."

     "Do what?" he asks without looking back. "I'm not going easy on you, if that's what you mean. And I'm using Kirby - nonnegotiable."

     Your heart melts a little as your eyes rest on him. He's always been a good guy, and it was like him to do this sort of thing - look out for someone when they were feeling low. Leaving simply because you don't feel worthy of his care and attention risks hurting him more than you.

     You slowly slip out of your shoes and cross into the living room, retrieving a red controller from atop the console before sinking onto the carpet beside him. You toggle through your choices before landing on Link. Changbin glances over at you disparagingly. 

     "Link sucks."

     "Kirby sucks."

     "Hey!" Changbin, practically shouts in your ear, "Don't insult my widdle cutie guy..."

     You grimace theatrically at the baby talk.

     "Don't ever do that again."

     "Or what?" Changbin challenges as he immediately unleashes a combo move that has your character hurtling toward the edge of the battle stage.

     You hop around, avoiding him and trying out different button combos. It's been forever since you played this game. Your ex had been a Halo enthusiast. You were never big on first person shooters, but you tried to get into it for his sake. He hadn't the patience to help you learn, though, and after a couple of sessions of grimaces and apologies on your behalf mumbled into his headset, he'd stopped taking you up on your offers to join him. 

��    Kirby darts back and forth across the screen after you on stubby pink legs. Eventually you get the hang of things and are returning his attacks, though he easily bests you in an embarrassingly short sequence of moves.

     "Sorry, I'm no good at video games," you mumble apologetically. 

     The smug look falls from Changbin's face.

     "Why are you sorry?" he raises a brow, dropping his controller into his lap, a little smile still playing on his lips.

     You shrug. His smile fades.

     "Who says you're no good?"

     Shit.

     You shift your focus to the screen and toggle for a new character.

     "Best two out of three."

     You can feel his eyes still on you as you opt for Princess Peach.  

     Two out of three turns into five out of eight, and around eleven out of twenty, the doorbell rings. When Changbin turns in surprise toward the sound, you take the opportunity to deliver a critical blow, winning your first match of the night. He rolls his eyes as you giggle wickedly and moves to answer the door.

     You pull your phone from your pocket reflexively to check the socials you've deleted, before sighing and tossing it across the room to land on the carpet with a thud.

     "Did you just throw your phone?" 

     Glancing over your shoulder, you catch him shooting you a quizzical look over a stack of pizza boxes tall enough to feed a small army. Clambering to your feet you trail after him into the kitchen.

     "You do have plans, you liar!" you elbow him as he opens the top box and pulls out a slice, hissing as the melted cheesy overflow burns the tips of his fingers.

     "Ow!" he snaps up a napkin and cradles it under the steaming piece of pizza, shaking his other hand before holding up his fingers in front of you.

     "Blow on 'em," he whines.

     You raise your eyebrows.

     "You're joking."

     He pouts and you want to laugh. This big, grown man is seriously going to give you the lip right now?

     "That's what you get for having no patience, Bin..." you tsk disapprovingly. 

     He lets out a little disappointed sigh.

     "Meanie..." he grumbles, and lets his hand fall.

     You return your focus to the obscene amount of food now stacked on Nari's kitchen table. 

     "So, I'm sure people are going to start showing up, so I'm just gonna..."

     Changbin hands you a paper plate with two slices of pizza and heads to the fridge where he fishes out two more beers. You stare at the plate in your hand.

     "I...Bin..." 

     "What, you don't like sweet potato?" he asks with a smirk, cracking open a can and handing it to you. 

     You blink at him in confusion. 

     "Please enjoy this meal compliments of Han Jisung, who never remembers to update the address on his delivery app. Now, load up on pizza and let’s get back to it because I'm not trying to let you act like you came out on top from winning that last match on a fluke."

     You scoff at his last remark. Watching him pile several slices onto his plate, you take a bite of yours. It tastes good, and you realize as it hits your stomach that you haven't eaten all day. When was the last time you ate a real meal? When was the last time you wanted one? 

     "Noona?" 

     Changbin's voice makes you realize you had zoned out and when you blink up at him, there's just nine inches of disposable dinnerware between you. His lips are pursed and his eyes trace your features, their gaze gentle but searching. 

    "You alright?" he asks.

     There it is again; the concern. He isn't just checking in. His voice is soft and low, like his eyes. As a rule, Changbin's voice is strong, resonant - saying everything from his chest without even trying. So when he's gentle, when he pulls himself back...

    "Do you miss that guy?" he murmurs.

     "No!" 

You say it so quickly.

     Changbin nods.

     "I'm just..." Fuck, why are you suddenly so emotional? "I think I'm...adjusting. Y'know?"

     He nods again slowly. Then he reaches up and touches your face, dragging his thumb over the side of your mouth and suddenly your brain waves flat-line. Your eyes widen and your lips part, but before you can even process what's happening, he drops his hand to swipe it on a napkin.

     "Had sauce on your face," he mumbles, and you can't read his.

     His mouth is tugged up in a small smile but somehow it looks sad, and his eyes look like they're still asking a question that was never really answered. Before you can consider any further, he picks up his plate and heads back toward the living room.

     You follow him, still half in your head.

     When you sit down next to him, there's something hanging unspoken in the foot and a half of space between your bodies. Something has shifted, gone taut. 

     Shit, had you made him uncomfortable? Why had you stared at him like a weirdo when he...wait, he touched you...

     Your eyes shift over to where he sits beside you. He runs a hand through the wavy hair over his ear. Has he always been so beautiful? He turns quick enough to catch you staring and you put your plate out of your lap. The pizza smells so good but suddenly you can't touch it.

     Changbin initiates another round, which you lose in record time. Your stomach grumbles.

     "You better eat if you're going to have any hope of beating me again," he goads, finishing off his third slice to abandon the crust with the others on his plate before launching another game.

     "I had enough," you deflect, pushing your plate toward him.

     "You took two bites."

     "I need to cut back."

     "Like...go on a diet?"

     "Yeah."

     His brows furrow and his tongue slips between his lips as he sends Kirby into a hammer flip that lands as a critical hit and you wince.

"What have you eaten today?"

"What?"

     "You heard me."

     "I...I don't know. I..."

     Your stomach twists. The hunger is there, but so is the anxiety. The fear of being judged for eating too much or too quickly or...

     The game pauses. Your plate slides back toward you over the carpet.

     "The rest of that piece. Or whatever else you want. But something." 

     His voice is gentle but firm. You sigh.

     "Fine," you murmur, grabbing the half-eaten slice.

     You take a bite, and slowly raise your eyes to his as they regard you patiently.

     "Sorry," you mumble, covering your mouth, shifting away from him.

     "Why now?"

     "I make gross noises when I eat."

     "What? No you d-" 

     A hand tugs at your elbow. When you look back toward him his handsome face holds so many things, and you watch as they take turns seizing his features. Horror...pity...anger.

     "Who told you that?" he asks lowly, but it doesn't sound like a question. "Noona..."

     He squeezes your elbow.

     You feel everything you've been shoving down in your chest begin to well up. 

Fuck, no! 

Your lip trembles.

He's shifting to face you.

You shake your head and press your eyes shut.

Your hand is encompassed in a larger one.

     "It's lies, all of it," Changbin whispers with desperate conviction...and your dam breaks.

     He pulls you into his arms as you sob with abandon. One of his hands encircles your waist tugging you against his broad, warm chest, and the other slips to brush tenderly over your nape as you tuck your face into his neck. 

     "He's a liar...shhhh...he's a lying piece of shit," he insists earnestly, into your hair. "You're perfect. He's the one who needs to fix himself. You're so, so perfect." 

     Perfect? You let your heart hold the word in its palm for one precious moment before pushing it away. Your heart had never been one to accept gifts it didn't think it deserved.

     You weep and weep in his strong arms until you run out of tears, and then he holds you while you breathe. As the catharsis of your breakdown begins to settle in, you wonder at the comedown - a softer, warmer one than you've ever known – and you consider the loveliness that has broken your fall.

     Soft and firm, everywhere he touches you. And warm. So warm. Not just the heat radiating from his body like a furnace – the velvet rasp of his voice, the absolute and unfaltering nature of his embrace.

     Your hands move tentatively against his back. Soft cotton stretches and bunches between your fingers over his sturdy frame. Where your face is pressed to his collar every breath draws in a comforting combination of detergent and cologne. When you close your eyes and sigh, letting your weight sink against him further, you feel his arms tighten in response. 

     "Sorry," you croak feebly.

     "Stop," he implores you, "Every time you apologize, I want to sock that guy in the face."

     "I...I'm so stupid, I didn't even really realize..."

     "No," his arms squeeze you again, "He had your trust. It was his job to protect you."

     Protected. That's how you feel right now. Safe. So, so safe. Letting him hold you and reassure you felt good...it felt right. But yet again, the voice in your mind that liked to remind you how much of a burden you always were speaks up in a sickly whisper.

     You pull yourself slowly from his arms and off his lap. Drawing yourself up to stand, you wipe your hot cheeks, puffy red eyes finding his like the needle of a compass. Unprepared for what awaits you in his gaze, your knees nearly give out beneath you.

     Changbin is looking up from where he kneels before you, the yearning in his eyes unchecked as they burn with  an unasked question and an unspoken promise.

     "I should go," you whisper, barely able to form the words.

     "Don't," he says, standing.

     "If I stay I'll just wreck your night," you mumble.

     "You could never," he insists, lips tugging into a little smile. His eyes are still pleading.

     "Changbin..." you breathe, suddenly drowning again in the fizzy serotonin his words ignite in your chest. "You don't want..."

     "You let me be the judge of what I want."

     His hands find your arms and he pulls you in. There are centimeters between you. His eyes rest on your lips. Your heart hammers in your ears as your brain begins to malfunction the way it had when he touched your face...

     "D-do I have something on my-"

     Mouth? His.

    The whole of your being floods with something beautiful and ineffable at the touch of his lips and no voice, no doubt, no force in the world could be stronger than the one that pulls you into him. Your arms fly up to wrap around his neck and tug yourself impossibly closer. His hands drop to your waist, pressing desperately in kind, and your bodies mold together. You flush with heat, sparks igniting in your belly and skittering through your veins as his lips move against yours. He stumbles back, pulling you with him as his knees buckle at the edge of the couch, and your body spills over his lap.

Your fingers card into his hair.

His hands drop to the back of your hips.

Your tongue brushes his bottom lip.

He moans.

     At the gorgeous, deep sound from his chest, you pull back, fighting the smile that pulls at the corners of your mouth. What the fuck is happening right now? You don't get much time to consider as his head falls against the backrest and his eyes flutter open.

     "Sorry," he grins bashfully. The tips of his ears burn pink.

     "Now who's apologizing for no reason?" you tease, pressing your hands to his chest.

     He smiles so sweetly in return you feel you might physically melt. And then the smile fades and the lids of his eyes grow heavy and he leans up to claim your mouth.

     His lips taste the same as a moment ago, but their press is slower, hungrier. His hands are powerful and assertive as they hook under your thighs and pull your hips flush against his own in a single tug. You gasp softly against his lips and you feel his smirk. You feel his smirk and something else - something beginning to press up into your ass through your jeans.

     Licking into his mouth, you push down, grinding your hips over his in a slow, deliberate undulation. The groan that falls from his lips unlocks something inside of you that needs to know every sound he makes and how to elicit them. Your mouth drops to his neck.

     Suddenly, he's gripping your waist and pivoting to lay you on the cushions, slotting himself between your legs. You're still dizzy from the sudden rush of movement, when your legs curl around his hips and over his ass and–

     A loud buzzing from the coffee table has you mourning the press of Changbin's lips to your throat as he glances at the caller ID. 

     "Shit!" he scrambles to sit up, hand still gripping your thigh above your knee when he presses the phone to his ear.

     "Hey," he runs a hand through his hair. "What? Nothing. No, I didn't forget. I will, I will."

     You recognize his tone of voice. There could only be one person on the other end of the line. You sit up, your head beginning to clear as the reality of the situation washes over you.

     "Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Be safe. Love you." 

Changbin presses the end-call button and tosses the phone onto the cushion beside him. He leans back against the couch and claps his hand against your leg with a sigh.

     "She really knows how to wreck a moment for me."

     You crack a wry smile.

     "I mean, it's probably for the best that we don't desecrate your sister's couch."

     His eyes widen as horror, disgust, and amusement wage war across his features. You burst into a fit of giggles. He feigns a gag. You laugh so hard that you snort.

     "S-sorry," you clap your hand over your mouth, still tittering while your ears heat in embarrassment.

     Changbin's face softens again. He reaches for your hand and pulls it from your face, threading his fingers through yours.

     "Cut it out."

     "What? I can't be embarrassed about snorting like a pig?"

     "No. It's cute," he smirks.

     "It is not!"

     "Mhm. Everything you do is cute."

     He glances over at you, a lopsided smirk on his perfect lips, his eyes sparkling. He means it.

     You fluster, gaze dropping to your enjoined hands, and concentrate on tracing little patterns on the back of his with your thumb. He sighs.

     "Wanna watch a movie?"

     The request takes you by surprise and your heart squeezes. If it was any other guy, the night would have been over. For the fourth time tonight, you had been about to head for the door, and for the fourth time, Changbin makes you feel wanted. So you stay.

     You grab a big, fluffy blanket from the basket in Nari's room, and when you return, Changbin has the lights dimmed and Your Name ready to go on the TV. You smile as you settle in beside him, tossing half the blanket over his widespread legs.

     "We don't have to watch this just because it's my favorite, you know," you insist, but he shakes his head.

     "Taki's ma' boy," he smirks, shooting you a glance as he presses play on the remote.

     You're not quite sure what it means, but you feel your heart skip a beat just the same.

You love this movie. You love that you've seen it enough times that you can talk through it. You love that Changbin is more than willing to talk over the film himself. You're not certain when it happened, but by halfway through the movie his arm is stretched out behind your shoulders and your head rests on his bicep.

     "Do you remember seeing this together in the theater?" he asks suddenly, tilting his head toward yours.

     You grin.

     "You cried and Nari gave you shit about it," you recall.

     "You bailed me out. Told her all the sniffling was you. Never even teased me about it either."

     Changbin smiles down at you, his eyes sentimental.

     Butterflies flutter their delicate wings in your ribcage. How does he make you feel this way?

Your eyes dip to his lips for a moment. Sighing, you nuzzle into his shoulder, hiding your face as much as seeking his warmth. His arm slips off the back of the couch to curl around your shoulders and pull you into his side. The movie plays on.

     When the credits roll, Changbin stretches and yawns, and watching him it dawns on you that, working at a fitness center, he's an especially early riser.

     "We should call it a night," you offer, standing and stretching yourself, but you're tugged back down into Changbin's lap, yelping as you topple onto him.

     His arms encircle your hips as he regards you with a sleepy grin.

     "What, do I live here now?" you tease.

     "Stay the night," he urges, tightening his arms around you. "You really want to drive back now?"

     You chew your lip, eyes tracing over his face. This is all more than a bit unreal, and you haven't given yourself even one second to process what's happening, lest you utterly panic. All you know right now is that your little ship had been sinking and he had hauled you into a lifeboat. Everything outside of him seems like a raging sea.

     You nod.

     "Okay," you whisper, combing his hair away from his forehead. “I’ll stay.” 

     His eyes dip shut at your touch and the butterflies flutter gently once more.

     A few minutes later, you take Nari's room and slip into a pair of her cotton shorts, which do basically nothing to contain your ass, and tug on a plain white tee that stretches snugly over your torso. How a big guy like Changbin could have emerged from the same genetic pool as his teeny tiny sister was beyond you. As you glance in the mirror, your heart sinks. You don't like how the tight fit is pressing you out everywhere you're most self-conscious. But, they are just pajamas, and they're all you have at your disposal.

     As you're about to head into the master bathroom to finish your nightly routine, you remember that the toothbrush and toiletries you keep on hand at Nari's are in the little half-bath attached to the guest room. You groan, glancing at yourself again in the mirror, and pull a blanket around yourself before crossing the hall.

     Hoping Changbin hasn’t yet fallen asleep, you knock hesitantly on the door. You hear the bed creak before the door opens to reveal a head of mussed hair and hands scrubbing over bleary eyes. But it's not what you notice. Your apology for rousing him dies on your lips as your eyes glue themselves to his bare chest. Blinking dumbly, your eyes climb from his soft stomach subtly rippling with the presence of strong abdominals up to a pair of impressive pecs with wide-set, dusky nipples. His flannel pajama pants settle at his hips, accentuating how his body broadens as it rises from his waist to his full chest and wide shoulders flanked by bulging biceps. Thick. He's so fucking thick you could bi-

     "...Noona?" he rumbles, his voice husky from sleep. "What's wrong?"

     "Nothing...sorry..." you rush out, ripping your gaze up to his. "My toothbrush is in your room – I mean! in your bathroom. That's where I usually stay, so...but I didn't think you'd be asleep. Sorry, I can just..." 

     He rubs over one of his eyes with his palm as he steps aside.

     "You can grab it."

     Right. You shuffle in awkwardly, trying not to step on the blanket dragging around your feet. As you cross the dark room, you try not to dwell on the rumpled sheets of the bed that speak of his body having lain between them, or the soft smell of his cologne hanging in the air. You quickly retrieve the little toiletry bag and, as you move to squeeze past Changbin at the door, he eyes the fluffy shroud you're clutching to your chest.

     He raises a sleepy eyebrow.

     "I'm sure Nari has pants you could..."

     "I'm wearing pants!" you bluster, "They just...don't fit."

      You move out of the doorway to make your way back to your room, but a hand cups the side of your face and turns it as soft lips meet your forehead. 

     "Good night, noona," he murmurs with a little smile before retreating back into his room.

     You stand in the hall, staring at his door, the butterflies absolutely aflurry.

     Despite your best efforts, you can't sleep. Your mind is full of the last five hours. Full of Changbin.

     He had kissed you. You had kissed him back. And it had felt...

     You roll from your side to your back, sighing up at the dark ceiling. You chew on your lip as you remember breaking down and his arms around you. You would usually feel regretful and ashamed after baring yourself like that to someone. You despised moments of weakness. But you couldn't bring yourself to hate the moments in his arms. You didn't regret them. In fact, you wanted him to hold you again. You wanted to feel vulnerable in his hands, and you wanted him to keep you safe.

     You feel heat rush up from your neck as you recognize these feelings.

     You must be absolutely shameless, you conclude in wonder. You should be freaking out right now - this was Changbin, for Christ's sake – Nari's brother! You should be wondering what happens next, and what all of it means...but even so you can’t bring yourself to care. All your mind can focus on is how his arms felt like waking up after a nightmare to song birds and soft sunlight.

     After an hour or so of tossing and turning, the salty pizza from dinner has you parched and slipping out to the kitchen for a drink. You pull a glass from the cupboard and fill it at the fridge, gulping down the contents to refill it again. Suddenly, you feel two strong arms snake around your waist and you start, sloshing your water and smacking the back of your head into the man holding you. You hastily set your glass down and turn in his arms as he lets out a groan, one of his hands releasing you as it flies up to cup the front of his face in pain.

     "Bin, oh my god! Are you okay? You scared me!" you chide with a chuckle as you reach up to push his hand away and brush the tips of your fingers across his nose. 

    He pouts down at you and you smile.

     "Did I wake you?"

     He huffs.

     "Yeah. To get your toothbrush. Then I couldn't go back to sleep."

     "Sorry," you groan, still stroking over where you had struck his face. "Does it hurt?" 

     He nods.

     "Kiss it better," he mumbles cutely.

     You roll your eyes, but lift your lips to comply when suddenly he interrupts the motion with the soft press of his mouth to yours. It's slow and sweet, and you're struck all over again with how quickly you melt at his touch - a sensation you cannot imagine ever growing accustomed to, but to which you are fairly certain you are in danger of growing entirely addicted.

     "Bin..." you whisper against his lips, "Bin, what are we-"

     "Liar," he murmurs, pulling back.

     Your mouth parts in confusion as you stare up at him, still drunk on his lips.

     "You said the clothes didn't fit. You should wear this all the time," he smirks as he squeezes low on your waist.

     Your cheeks heat as you remember what you're wearing, but you don't have long to be anxious over it as he presses his lips to your nose...the corner of your mouth...your jaw. You tremble as you lean into him, fingers splaying over his warm, bare chest.

     "Let me show you," he whispers against your skin.

     "Sh-show me...what...?"

     He draws back, pressing his forehead to yours.

     "How perfect you are."

     You still, eyes flicking up to his. They're dark and tender and pleading. You let out a little shuddering breath.

     "I...you don't have t-"

     His arms hold you closer, gentle but insistent.

     "Let me," he whispers, the tip of his handsome nose brushing over the dip of your cupid's bow. "Please. I want to."

     You swallow, eyes dropping to his lips. You want it too, you find. You want his hands and lips and eyes all over you, bringing warmth everywhere they meet your aching body. You nod and take his lips again with yours. 

     "Yeah?" he murmurs against them.

     "Yeah," you breathe, slipping a hand up the back of his neck and into his hair.

     He groans in response, deepening the kiss as he licks at your parted lips and when your tongues brush, sparks burst in your belly. You feel it all slipping, the masks, the walls - every barrier you hold up to shield yourself from not being enough. His arms are strong and his lips are tender and you can't focus on anything but the perfection of being so utterly held.

     His mouth moves to caress your jaw, under your ear, down the column of your neck, and suddenly you feel the edge of the counter pressing into the small of your back. His hands grip your waist and he hitches you onto the tiled surface with ease. It's cold against your bare legs, but you don't have more than a second to register the discomfort as Changbin nudges his way between your knees. He runs his hands over your thighs as his eyes trail from your panting lips to your lightly heaving chest.

     You feel your nipples pebble under his gaze and a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, his eyes glinting with mischief as he runs a hand up your side, over your shirt, to rest under the swell of your breast. He flicks a thumb over the hardened bud and you whimper and jump. He laughs softly, his smirk spreading into a full smile as he squeezes your breast and brings his eyes to yours.

     "Your pretty body likes me, noona," he puffs proudly, massaging you deftly through the soft cotton of the tee.

     You don't have a witty retort. Your body likes him so much that it frightens you. And with the deep affection you already feel, have long felt, for him...

     You reach to gently tangle your hand again in his coarse, dark curls. He glances up, a sweet little smirk tugging at his pretty lips again. 

     "Bin..." you sigh.

     "Hmm?" he hums as he slips his hands to your bottom and tugs you forward so that you're flush against him.

     You dip your head and your lips ghost his.

     "Nothing," you whisper, and you kiss him again. Again and again.

     His hands slide from your ass to slip beneath your shirt at your lower waist and he kneads the soft flesh above your hips.

     "So soft. Feels so good," he groans into your mouth.

     You moan as the walls of your pussy contract. You're beginning to ache, beginning to drip – and his words seem to affect you as intensely as his touch.

     He moves his lips to latch onto the soft skin of your neck and suck, his hands bunching your shirt up and up until his mouth pops free from your skin and he's pulling the thin garment over your head and tossing it aside. The cool air pricks your skin and you become keenly aware, for the briefest moment, that you are sitting on your best friend's kitchen counter, stripped down to her sleep shorts, with her brother between your thighs. As your brain races to decide whether to find that incredibly arousing or absolutely panic-inducing, Changbin's cherry lips rewire your neurological pathways in favor of the former when they close around your right nipple. Your head lolls back, colliding with the cabinet door and it clatters. 

     "Shit..." you hiss softly, threading your hands into his hair and gripping it by the roots.

     Your eyes slip shut and you focus on the sensation of his warm tongue slipping over the peaks of your breasts, his strong, smooth palms cupping and caressing. And then you feel his little puffs of breath and the nudge of his nose at the valley of your chest as he groans and smushes your tits up to meet his face. 

     "I fucking live here now," he mumbles into the globe of your breast, and despite the heat of the moment, you softly laugh. You laugh and you feel his smile pressed to your skin.

     Then suddenly he's pulling you into his arms in a bridal carry. You know he's strong, as you wrap your arms around his neck, but can't push away a pang of self-consciousness as he bears your weight. 

     "Bin, I'm so heavy..."

     "You're not."

     "I don't want you to..."

     "Stop it," comes his voice in a soft, deep command as he halts in his tracks to kiss you.

     He kisses you and kisses you until you believe that he could carry you until the end of time, and then he takes you into the guest bedroom and sits you gently on the bed. The bed with the mussed sheets that smell like him. The sheets that he's leaning you into as you push yourself to the middle of the bed while he hovers over the top of your body, his lips never leaving yours.

     As he sinks down over you, the weight of his body pressing you into the mattress has warmth licking through your veins. You move your hands to caress over his broad back, feeling his muscles ripple beneath your fingers as he shifts to prop himself up on his elbow. You use the free space to trace your hand down his chest and abdomen until you reach the waistband of his pants. If he'd just push himself a few inches up you could...

     He pulls away, just barely breathless, and his eyes find yours. He reaches down with his right hand to pull yours gently from between your bodies and to his lips, before threading his fingers through yours and pressing your joined hands into the sheets beside your head.

     "I want to eat you out."

     He says it so simply, so confidently, and you can feel more arousal gush to join what's already begun to paint your inner thighs. 

     "Fuck..." you breathe, your fingers trembling in his grasp.

     "Can I?" he asks, kissing your lips softly again.

     For a moment you're afraid of what saying yes will mean, of the intimacy of it all, of the possibility that you won't measure up, someway, somehow, or maybe...that you will - and what in the world you would do with that level of acceptance...

     You let out a shaky sigh, as you hold his gaze. It arrests you and washes over you. You remember his eyes as he knelt on the living room floor, and all they pleaded with you to disbelieve, to unlearn. 

     Yes. Yes...If it's him, you want it, whatever it means.

     You surge forward, pressing your lips to his, your hands weaving through his hair, pulling him in. He lets out a tiny whimper as you devour him, kissing him with determined abandon until you have to come up for air.

     "Yes, Bin, yes," you shudder into his mouth as he pants over you. “Yes I want you to.”

In answer, he presses one last tender kiss to your lips before moving to kiss down your body. He moves slowly, but with purpose, pressing an adoring mouth to every part of you that’s bared. He kisses your ear, your neck, your collarbones…he moves over your shoulders and down your right arm to the tip of each finger. He kisses your breasts and down your stomach. He kisses your belly button, and over your hips and down your left thigh. He kisses the inside of your knee, and bends your leg to kiss over your calf and down to your ankle. 

You can barely watch him, as he brushes his lips over you, but he flicks his eyes up to yours so often you don’t dare look away. There is something flickering in his gaze, something like a challenge - daring you to contradict, to doubt what he seeks to impress upon you - and you begin to feel something strange and new. Something you’d never found at the touch of a lover, blooming in your chest and unfurling like a proud little flower under the sun: the strong, heady beauty of esteeming yourself worthy of his desire. It terrifies you a bit, and the ugly voice that has heckled you so often tries to cast doubt, but Changbin’s lips and hands are too persistent and assured for the harbinger in your mind to linger long. And the tidal wave of lovely feelings crashing over you threatens to destroy the shabby prison your heart has lingered in for so long.

Changbin lays his head on your thigh as he brings his hand off the other to cup your pussy over the softness of your shorts. His groan is nearly as loud as yours when he rubs over your mound, and it makes you impossibly wetter. He’s so unabashed and liberal with reacting to what he enjoys, and he is clearly enjoying you as much as he ever has anything.

He moves to bring his face to your clothed cunt, hovering over you for a nanosecond to catch your eyes as he mouths down over you. Your jaw drops open, and when his teeth scrape dully over your clit, your hips jerk and you fist the sheets. Changbin pulls back with a smirk, and sits back on his knees between your legs. He pulls one of your legs up to lean against his shoulder as his hands instinctively knead over the muscles of your calf and thigh.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, with a little smile.

You nod with one of your own.

“I’m gonna lift you, okay? You can hold onto my legs, but I’ll have you, so don’t worry.”

You bite your lip and nod, suddenly a little shy. Look at him. Where did he get all this confidence?

He drops your leg briefly to tug off your shorts and panties, cursing at how wet you are, and gently slipping two fingers to brush between your glistening lips and over your clit. You gasp at the sensation - his fingers deft, his touch soft but firm where you ache for him. And then, suddenly, he is sliding your legs back up to rest against his chest and shoulders. His hands slip down to your hips and he effortlessly tugs your ass over the incline of his thighs and flush with his abdomen. Your heart starts to thrum in your chest. His body is warm and sturdy against the soft plush of your ass. Heat floods your cheeks when you sense a slickness against him where your arousal has begun to smear against his stomach. He, however, is far less bashful. Widening the gap between your thighs, he dips his head down, inhaling deeply.

"Fuck…" he murmurs, squeezing your legs where he holds them. 

When he raises his eyes to yours again, they’re unlike you’ve ever seen. They’re dark and hungry and hooded in a way that nearly intimidates you. His expression is full of heat, and manly in its sudden gravity. He watches you as he slips his thumbs under your waist and, slowly with strong hands, pulls your hips up beneath his chin. Your legs bend at the knees and drape around the crown of his head. Your spine curves where your upper back is flush with his thighs, your arm on either side of his kneeling form, and as he embraces you tightly around the hips and waist, you feel nearly every ounce of your weight suspended in his hold. The blood rushes to your head where it lays against the mattress, your neck curving just shy of his knees, offering a clear view of his gorgeous face as he wastes no time in pressing his open mouth to your labia. 

Your core muscles flex in response, hips pressing higher against him as you feel ripples of exquisite pleasure trickle through your body from above. The smooth muscle of his tongue slips past your entrance and begins fucking into you. Your head swims, the slightest dizzying restriction of oxygen dampening your ability to focus on anything but the bliss of his hot, wet mouth. Being tasted has never felt this intense. You whimper, your hands reaching around his body to find purchase on his muscular ass. You feel the press of his throbbing erection into your back as his tongue fucks unhurriedly into you. He’s rock hard, and all for you. From the sight of your naked body, the feel of you in his hands, the taste of you on his tongue. From the sounds pouring off of your lips as he worships your sex. 

Your legs begin to shake. You’re so totally in his hands. He holds you, lavishes you, consumes you. Nothing stands between you and ecstasy, and you can feel your climax fast approaching as pleasure ebbs and flows like a crashing tide on the rhythm of his firm, languid strokes.

"Ch-Changbin! Nhhh!" you mewl, you voice throaty and muffled from your position. 

He growls against you and you nearly cum then. One of his hands drops to squeeze the soft mound of your right breast. Your cheeks burn, sweat beginning to bead on your forehead and neck. You can feel your pussy throbbing - hot and sticky and swollen with stimulation - as he devours it like the flesh of ripened fruit. His lips encircle your clit and suckle as the tip of his tongue flicks over the erect peak of your bud.

And then it all goes white. You lose all sense but feeling as you rock your hips up to meet him, the tension in your abdominals adding sinfully to the fluttering pulsating of your pussy. There’s nothing but you and him and his arms around you and his mouth against the most intimate parts of you as your orgasm washes over you in electrifying slow-motion, pulling you under a tidal wave of bliss for what seems like an eternity. Your lips part in a silent scream of his name, your eyes pressed shut, as he works you through the longest and most intense climax your body has ever experienced.

You feel him place one last sweet, gentle kiss to your cunt before moving the hand on your breast to one of your thighs as he guides you back down onto the bed. You’re panting and boneless as you watch him draw an arm over his cum-slicked chin and cheeks. For a moment he simply looks down at you, a victorious air about him as his eyes trace your sated features and his gorgeous chest heaves with labored breath, then he crawls forward on the bed, stretching himself out on his side next to you, his body flush with your own. He slips his hand over the soft skin of your belly and rubs it soothingly as he watches you with a little grin.

“You good?” he asks in a raspy murmur.

You reach for his face, bringing it to yours as you kiss him with what wherewithal you have. You pull away, still breathless.

“Am I good? Seo Changbin, I think I could fly.”

His answering smile is so filled with joy and pride and affection that you think you truly may have sprouted wings. You roll to your side to press yourself against him, your hand tugging at the waistband of his pajamas, but he takes your hand again in his.

“Not tonight.”

“Why?”

“Tonight is yours.”

“Bin…”

“I’m yours.”

You blink up at him, his head resting on his hand, his eyes sparkling and soft.

“If you’ll have me,” he raises your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles. “You don’t have to answer right now. I know you’re going through a lot, and this is all…new.” 

He smiles again, glancing down as his features take on a boyish shyness.

  “But I care for you. And, however things work out,” his eyes lock with yours again, “I’ll always protect you.” 

Your heart stands still. There are things that are too deeply lovely for words to be wasted on them. Any words but three - three that are already deeply true, but which have begun to mean something beautiful and different tonight, burying themselves like a little seed in your heart that needs time to grow. So for now you let yourself cry tears that fall like raindrops in the sunlight, and drift to sleep with the steady beat of Changbin’s heart.

“Ay!” Nari’s voice cuts through the din of chatter as her hand shoots out to narrowly prevent a fellow patron from snagging the chair beside her. “Sorry, seats are taken.”

She takes a sip of her beer and stretches her short legs as far as they will reach across the two empty chairs beside her.

“The guys are gonna have to hustle if they’re gonna sit with us,” she says reproachfully, dark brows rising as her eyes scan the venue for the bodies that belong in the seats you have been desperately attempting to reserve for the last hour.

The Eight Ball is crowded to bursting, and you scan the stage for signs of the evening’s openers. Checking your phone, you find that it’s nearly eight. You also find a text that brings a smirk to your lips.

“What?”

You glance up at Nari, who’s staring at you suspiciously.

“Nothing…” you mumble, flipping your phone back over onto the table. You sip your cocktail through a straw.

“Are you texting him?”

You nearly choke on your drink.

“What? Who?”

“You know who,” Nari mocks, narrowing her eyes at you. “The jerkwad.”

“Oh my god, Nari, no!” you sigh, as your phone buzzes again. 

She glances at it.

“Then what was with the look? Who are you…”

“Are these for us?” a voice belonging to a smiling, dimpled young man in a black hoodie with a matching beanie pulled over his head saves you from further explanation.

“Jesus, Chris, finally,” Nari admonishes as he takes the seat next to you, pulling her legs off the remaining chairs to free them up for the other two men that follow behind him. 

The freckled blond pulls Nari into a side hug which she returns, booping his nose before leaning across him to peer menacingly at his friend.

“Yo, Jisung,” she barks, “If you’re gonna order several hundred pizzas, how about taking some with you next time? My fridge is still stuffed.”

The young man blinks wide, surprised eyes at her before his brain catches up with her scolding.

“Sorry, but it wasn’t my fault!” he insists poutingly. “I ordered them because Changbin asked me to and then he canceled gaming weekend ‘cause he had a girl over.” he grumbles, causing the other two to snicker.

“Nice,” Chris giggles.

This time you do choke.

Your eyes fly to your best friend, watching the barrage of questions bubbling up on her face when a voice cuts through the din, silencing the crowd and unknowingly saving himself for the time being.

“Good evening, Eight Ballers!” Changbin rasps into his mic as Hyunjin waves, as ridiculously beautiful as ever, beside him.

You look at Changbin’s eyes.

They’re bright and confident and determined. You smile and cheer when he finishes introductions. As the band hits the first few notes of the opening number, his gaze finds yours, and it’s full of so many things.

His eyes sparkle with seven days worth of secrets – of waking up to your eyes and arms, of a weekend of nothing but bare bodies and hearts, of weeknight phone calls until the wee hours of the morning…of a new way of caring for each other that you’ll eventually tell the others, but that is just yours for now.

As you look at him, so full of adoration, you hope you can offer him even a fraction of the new world he’s only just begun to share with you – and the reflection you see a little more beautifully each day in the light of his eyes.

-Fin-

[meechlamajor]

IF YOU WERE ON UCONN’S WOMENS BASKETBALL TEAM: HEADCANONS

*For this headcanon, we’ll call you Danica*

You’re in your sophomore year, and having a great one so far.

And even though you’re on the younger side, the team often jokes that you’re the mom. Whenever you guys hang out you have everything they could ever need on hand.

Imagine the team is walking around the mall doing some shopping after practice. You straggle behind the group, occupied with your surroundings. Some may call it weird, but you liked to people watch sometimes and they team knew it. That’s just how you were.

You overheard a little of the conversation they were making, it going one in and out the other until you heard Ice complaining about some.

She kissed her teeth, “this tag keep scratching the back of my neck.”

“Here let me pull it off,” KK beamed.

“No”, Ice rolled her eyes, but you chirped up. You carry a tote bag that you’d gotten from a thrift store and you had all sorts of things in there.

“I have some scissors in my bag,” you chimed, catching up with the group. You dug through your bag, and motioning for Ice to lean over so that you could the tag.

“Dani to the rescue,” Nika smiled, nudging your shoulder.

Your walk-out song on First Night would be something to get the crowd hyped up.

Lol if it were me, these would be my top songs:

Shining - DK Khaled (feat. Beyoncé and Jay Z)

Views - Drake (started at 30 seconds)

The beat drop is just too good.

5500 Degrees - EST Gee

HiTek Tek - Future

Handsome and Wealthy - Migos

You and KK are literally besties!

You’ll always make a TikTok with her or get on live. You’re pretty introverted and her goofy personality really brings you out of your shell.

“Dani,” she waved you over. “Come do this TikTok with me.”

You threw your phone down on the couch and got up, pulling your shorts down in the process. “What is it?”

She angled her phone in your direction so that you could see: (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLMe72Hw/)

It took you maybe 7 minutes to learn, but something as simple as a TikTok was one of your favorite pastimes with KK.

What kind of player are you?

You’re an aggressive player and tough. You’ve never been afraid to show dominance on the court and you love it especially because people tend to underestimate you. You move with grace, elegance, and tenacity, but that’s easy when you’ve been playing for as long as you have. Thanks to your high IQ, you adapt well. Your speed and reflexes are some of your best attributes.

You’re good on the defensive side, but your offense could use some work for sure (despite that you have great court awareness). You’re brilliant at staying low, your footwork is tight, but you don’t get too stiff, and you have active hands.

You’re not an arguer, but you’re not a pushover either. If a call doesn’t feel right to you, then you make it known.

Side note: when you celebrate, you mimic a plane, your arms being the wings.

Your room at the athletic dorms

You take the neutral route, so I think you’d have cream, beige, black, or gray sheets and blankets on your bed. All of your decor would probably follow a similar theme and I can picture a few low maintenance plants in there so you don’t have to worry while on the road. You take pride in your plant babies, trust me. I can see pops of color in there as well. You’ll have a few posters, too. Your bed will have plenty of stuffed animals!

(I love those Murakami flower pillows lol)

The inspiration behind your jersey number

It would definitely be something sentimental, it’s supposed to represent you on the court! Or, maybe it’s just your favorite number.

What your interviews are like

Fans have noticed that you’re really attentive and a good listener. If someone if having trouble with articulating a question of some sort, you try to catch on make sure you’re on the same wavelength. You can almost talk forever if someone really gets you started and you make little jokes to take the edge off. Fans have noticed that sometimes you make little slick comments after a tough loss, especially ones about the refs.

Because you’re being spoken to directly, people get a real glimpse into your personality and your spirit as a person, not just a ball player. Fans also love to watch you interact with Ashlynn (literally my boo i love her sm). You’re interviewed a lot together because you’re magic on the court.

AUTHOR’S NOTE!

i hope u guys liked this! i admire the teams dynamic so much so this one was fun to write. excuse any inaccuracies or errors for this one, i understand basketball at the basic level lol (both of my brothers played d1 though so it’s a shame 💀).

[babygirlispunk]

Summer Fling - PART ONE

Pedro Pascal X f!Reader

Summary: living in a completely different hemisphere, you didn’t expect to bump into Pedro Pascal at a music festival.

Warnings: 18+, mentions of alcohol

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: Reader is not physically or ethnically described but is Australian. Honestly inspired by my own summer romance I experienced when I was younger with a guy who happened to be Latino lol. This is just quickly written to get over my jitters and get confidence to post other stuff SO ITS PROBALY A BIT MESSY SORRY.

MASTERLIST - NEXT

The ground is vibrating beneath you feet, your ears are ringing from hours of listening to loud music for days. The temperature has cooled down from the summer sun with the night sky. Bodies glisten with sweat, dancing in the crowded space as you're all harmoniously vibing and singing to RUFUS. Everyone's either drunk or high, sloppily hanging off one another or shouting aloud enthusiastically.

It's New Years Eve, 10 or so minutes from midnight. You can't believe your seeing one of your favourite bands live and an absolute banger of a song is playing right now and you can't help but raise your hands into the air and dance your heart out, shouting the lyrics not caring how scratchy your voice is from singing along with different singers and bands for the past 3 days.

You manage to hear your name being called out next to you. It's your best friend Syria. You two managed to lose the rest of your group when squeezing your way further to the front wanting to get into the heart of the crowd and the vibe.

She leans in closer so you can hear her over the pounding music. "I reckon we should get to the very front before midnight hits."

"Why don't we ask someone if we can sit on their shoulders?" you yell back.

You both look around to find any guy or girl that would be willing to hold you and Syria up but most people are already paired up or in groups leaving the creepy looking ones left that would probably feel you up.

Bodies keep dancing around you as you duck and weave your way through to the front. You quickly make it, motivated by the words 'You were right' booming from the speakers and the singer announcing that New Years is drawing in. As you emerge to your new spot you bump with some guy passing a quick sorry and turning your attention to the stage. Both happy with how close you are, you wrap your arm around Syria's shoulder and she wraps hers around your waist. You scream-sing, jumping up and down together getting hyped, probably sounding like squealing pigs, when you just hear a laugh next to you.

(Highly recommend listening to You Were Right - RUFUS DU SOL for the next part, for the vibe)

You look where it came from and connect with gorgeous chocolate brown eyes accessorised by glasses, paired with a wide cheesy grin framed by a scruffy, patchy beard and unkempt curly hair. He must've been the guy you bumped... Being polite, you smile back and turn back to the stage singing with Syria.

But it hits you like a brick wall and you double take. You look back to see the guy talking to their friend, up close as they talk into each others ears. Colourful lights bounce off him from the stage and you focus on his face, confirming who it is.

"Syria!" You hiss into her ear but she's too entranced by the music to notice so you give her a shake under your arm and gives you a 'what' face.

"You would not believe who is next to me!" She gives you a confused look then peeks in front of you to look at him, returning to face you with eyes as big as an owl.

Without wasting a breath she shoves you into his direction and you trip over yourself and bump into him again, basically landing on him but he ever so gracefully catches you, hooking his hands underneath your armpits.

"Woah there, had a bit too much to drink have we?" he chimes out loud.

You're embarrassed and can only blurt out a no.

"Sorry about that, those guys next to us knocked us over." Syria covers for you.

"Assholes." he looks at you, still held in his strong hands, smiling sweetly.

He brings you back to your feet and you turn around to say your thanks but your close. Really close. Face to face. Your eyes flicker at every point of his face, really soaking in every detail your buzzed out brain can retain till you land on his eyes. They're looking down at you're lips before they flick up and lock with yours. They're so deep and gorgeous, you could just dive and swim in them

"Thanks." you manage to say despite your heart is beating violently inside your ribcage. He winks back with a cheeky grin making you blush as you turn back to face the stage. The song keeps pumping around you and Syria is dancing and singing her little heart out.

He stands right besides you now and you can feel his hand brushing against your arm as you both dance on the spot. You can feel the goosebumps travelling up your arm as he keeps touching and nudging you. You can't help yourself but steal a glance at him only to see him doing the same, biting your lip, saving yourself from giggling like a little girl. That damn smile hasn't left his face.

The massive crowd surrounding you start screaming out the minute countdown and you join in trying to distract yourself from the closing proximity between the two of you. Try as you might, you still keep looking at him in the corner of your eye only to see him doing the same.

30 seconds left.

A hand gently glides around your waist followed by a body pressing against to your side sending a chill through your body and the butterflies are released, fluttering wildly in your stomach.

20 seconds left.

You look up at him, he's looking forward at the stage bobbing his head pretending like he isn't pulling your body towards him right now. He's clearly showing his interest, there's no point chickening out now.

You snake your hand underneath his loose tee and wrap your arm along his back, placing your hand on his hip using your thumb to caress the skin on his back.

He turns his gaze to you with a smirk on his face and squeezes his hand holding your waist making you gulp down.

10 seconds left.

He bends down so that his mouth grazes your ear ever so softly.

"I was wondering if you would be my new years kiss?"

He moves his face in front of yours, just a breath away, waiting for your answer.

5.

"Are you sure?" was all you could manage.

4.

"Why not start the year kissing a gorgeous girl?" he inches closer to you, nose tips brushing.

3.

You're both breathing heavy, both of your eyes fliting between each others eyes and mouth. Breaths brushing each others skin.

2.

You turn your bodies to face one another. Moving your arms around his neck, his hands not losing contact with your waist, squeezing your lower half closer to his, pelvis' coming in contact inciting a flutter down there.

1.

The song drops and lips crash into one another, the impact cushioned by his plush lips, you feel euphoric. This all surreal even with Syria screaming her lungs out behind you along with cheers from the masses.

You feel the heat of fireworks and sparklers set off from the stage as everyone celebrates the new year but it doesn't compare to the fire burning inside you as he pulls you in tighter making your chests rub against each other as you two are hungrily trying to taste one another. He swipes his tongue along your lips as an invitation to deepen the kiss and you let him in immediately. As your tongues dance together, tasting each others choice of alcohol, you feel his nose tickle against your cheek.

Not wanting to pull away, you inhale and exhale through your nose and you are enveloped by his smell, his sweet musky smell. He is like a damn drug and you're already addicted. Wanting more you tangle your fingers through his hair, desperately trying to bring him in closer, deeper than physically possible.

You're becoming overwhelmed by it all that a moan slips out of you, passing though and exchanged to his lips. You try not to over think it but you feel a slight smile form on his lips as he devour you, returning the moan back for you to inhale. His hand drops to your ass, kneading them in his fists and pulling you even closer than you thought possible letting you grind up his hard rump forming underneath his thick jeans and your core slickens fast.

Not wanting let go but starving for oxygen, you eventually pull back, not letting go of your bodies. He is also out of breath, shoulders rising and falling rapidly.

“What’s your name?”

You say your name through shallow breaths and he repeats it after you. You feel excitement hearing him say it out aloud, making your own name sound like liquid gold oozing from his mouth. Still getting your breath back, be gently nudges his nose on yours, pecking you and not wanting to lose the space between you, eyes never leaving yours.

“Would you come back to my tent* with me? Get away from this crowd and prying eyes…” he says almost desperately asking as his lips keep pecking yours, knowing exactly what he’s really asking.

You nod in agreement and he smiles that sickly sweet smile. Moving his hands from your ass, he threads his hands into yours and turns to his small friend group speaking with each other. You then realise they had watched the little show you two had put on. Then you feel like something is missing.

Syria.

You look all around in the surrounding crowd of singing and dancing bodies but you can’t find her. She’s missing. Letting go of his hand, you continue looking around getting on your top toes, jumping to look over peoples heads. You call out her name but she’s no where to be seen. Every worse case scenario runs through your head. Your group made one rule to follow during this festival.

Never ditch your buddy.

A wide hand grips around your wrist, giving you a slight fright till you remember who it was connected to, following his body till your met with his puppy dog eyes.

“My friend is missing, I need to find her, make sure she’s okay.” You say frantically.

“Let me help you.”

“No no it’s okay.” There was no way you were going to drag an A-list celeb around massive festival grounds swarmed with thousands of people that could horde him, away from the safety of his own friends.

“Are you sure?” He brings you in closer wrapping his arms around your waist as if locking you to him and you hold onto his arms, getting a good feel of how toned they are. You look at his lips, swollen from your kiss, hungry for more but you had priorities…

Giving him one last kiss, you keep it sweet and simple, lingering there for a moment fighting the urge the stay. “It was nice meeting you Pedro.”

As you pull away he give you a sad smile to pair with his puppy eyes. Turning away, shattered your moment was cut short, you weave through the crowd looking for Syria.

You circle round the crazy crowd, desperately looking for Syria but to no avail. You whip out your phone fumbling fingers on the screen trying to call her. Reception on its last bar unsurprisingly but by some miracle she answers. You hear your name from the other side but it’s staticky and broken, repeating over and over again as you try to call her name on your end.

Barely making out the words over the static and loud music pounding around you before it eventually hangs up. You look at your screen, call failed.

You growl in frustration, till a hand grabs your shoulder. Twisting around hoping to see his face, you’re sadly met with your friend Joey.

“Hey we’ve been looking for you!” He yells over the music.

“I’ve been looking for Syria!” You yell back.

He rolls his eyes and grabs your hand and leads you.

Once you’ve reach the back of the crowd, the music is less rattling and people are more spread out, laying on the grass, too drunk or too high, you spot of friend group with Syria.

“There you are! I thought you were kidnapped or something.” You give her a big hug, relieved.

“Oh my God no! I spotted some of the group in the crowd and went to get them so they could witness you getting with your celeb crush!”

“I still don’t believe it. Could be a look alike” Huffs Joey.

“Well luckily I took a pic.” Syria proudly unlocks her phone and shows everyone the photo.

It’s blurry and all you can see is your back facing the camera with the top of Pedro’s head next to yours. The butterflies from before flutter again as you see he’s arm wrapped tight around your waist and his hand gripping your ass.

“Can’t see shit Syria.” Someone else says.

“Fuck off.” Syria shoves the person and turns her attention to you. “I’m sorry I ditched you. Didn’t mean to scare you and ruin your moment. Literally the one time it really mattered. Now you probably won't see him again.”

You give her a big hug knowing she didn’t ditch intentionally. “All good. Just glad knowing you're alive and not kidnapped by weirdos.”

“You hot bitch, you hooked up with Pedro fucking Pascal!” She squeals his name and jumping like an energized puppy, overly excited for you.

You laugh out loud, still not quite comprehending it actually happened despite your skin still hot from his touch, the tingle lingering below and your lips swollen from your intense pash. You bite your bottom lip, reminiscing.

“What a way to start the year.”

MASTERLIST - NEXT

check out my recs list for stories written by people with actual talent ♡

A/N: Multiple day festivals in Australia, typically, people camp at the festival site with tents, camper vans etc. and depending on the festival, they sometimes have the VIP tents with working facilities that cost an extra pretty penny AKA glampin' so he’s chilling in that 👍🏼

[xoxoavenger]

I Only Need Ten

pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, BestFriend!Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

summary: when Eddie decided to go no contact with Y/N after a drunk night, his worst nightmares come to life at a party (based on scene from Daisy Jones and the Six)

word count: 2896

warnings: drug use (cocaine), over dose, terrible boyfriend (the oc not eddie), a small mention of murder and killing (deserved tho), near death experience

masterlist

"I think you're delusional." Steve says as him and Y/N walked up to the party, Robin practically running ahead to get there quicker. It was her first time at a party that was barred from high schoolers, meaning it would probably have hard drugs. Parties weren't usually her scene, but she was ready tonight. Y/N had been hyping it up for ages, begging Robin for years to go - since the younger got out of high school.

"Do you ever let anything go?" Y/N asked, already slurring her words. Steve rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bottle from her hands, one of his own wrapping around her arm when she stumbled a bit. "God, I mean, I think if Eddie liked me he would have said something." Of course they were arguing about Y/N's new boyfriend, her rebound from Eddie after they drunkenly made out and passed out with each other's hands halfway down their pants. Eddie made it very clear he wasn't interested after he slipped out before she woke up and avoided her like the plague, not answering any of her calls and leaving her to talk to Wayne awkwardly.

"Maybe he's afraid." Steve said, wincing as he took a long swig of the hard liquor she had procured; he already felt the hangover. Unfortunately the massive amounts of partying he had done in high school did not help as he got older. Just smelling alcohol aged him ten years.

"Please," Y/N snorted, walking through the people that were in the lawn, music blaring even outside. On the patio table someone was cutting cocaine, and before Steve could stop her she was breathing it in and throwing her head back in a laugh.

"Alright," Steve grabbed her and pulled her into the house, hoping she would only do one line. When Y/N was heart broken, she tended to go a little overboard. Her boyfriend wasn't very good at stopping her, and Steve didn't trust him.

"Steve, come on! Don't act like you're such aaaa," She trailed off, not knowing what to say. "I don't have a good comeback." She laughed loudly, and Steve took another swig of the drink. This was gonna be a long night.

~

"You are such an idiot." Dustin magically appeared at Eddie's side, holding a beer in hand like he did this every night. The two were leaning against a counter in the kitchen, where you could see everyone going in and out.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Eddie yanked the beer away, spilling half of it as Dustin protested, "C'mon, man! I'm seventeen now!"

"And what if Steve sees you?" Eddie knew it was a trump card, since last month Steve had been forced to pick up the kids from a party after it was busted and Will threw up in the roses out front. He hadn't said anything that night, picking them up and taking them to his house, calling Mike's mom to tell her they were all safe and had crashed at his place after meeting up with Eddie. He held El's hair back when she threw up, multiple times, and got them orange juice in the morning while Dustin lived in the bathroom. And then lectured them for an hour and told them that while he would always pick them up when they needed, he was going to tell their parents and let them deal with that next time.

"Steve's gonna be here?" Dustin looked around, but he didn't see Steve. Eddie wasn't even sure how Dustin got into this party; he has seen high schoolers get kicked out at least four times in the last fifteen minutes of him standing in the kitchen and looking for Y/N.

"Yeah, I think he's coming with Robin and Y/N." Eddie tried not to seem weird when he said her name, but Dustin was a perceptive little shit.

"We all know you two have a thing going on." While they all knew that Y/N and Eddie did in fact have some tension, the teenagers were not aware of exactly what had transpired a couple weeks prior.

"You don't know shit." Eddie chugged Dustin's beer, grabbing his arm as he tried to leave before he could go get a new one.

"I know plenty of shit." Dustin rolled his eyes, shrugging Eddie off and walking away, definitely going to grab another beer. Seems Steve's threats didn't work very well.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" Eddie shouted, leaning against the counter and drinking out of his own cup filled with something a little bit harder.

He wanted to get wasted.

~

"Where's Blake?" Y/N slurred as she looked around. Her eye caught more coke on a corner counter, and when she lit up Steve felt himself tense.

"Have a cig," Steve pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, hoping it would distract Y/N enough that she would temporarily forget about the cocaine that she definitely did not need. He was just about to light it for her when he saw Dustin walk by with a beer in his hand.

That little punk.

"Dustin!" Steve yelled, mind filling with rage at the fact that Dustin had not learned at all from him. "Hey, come here, you little shit!" Steve was off, looking over heads to track Dustin as he snaked through the crowd.

Y/N immediately forgot about the unlit cigarette as soon as Steve was gone.

"Babe!" Blake threw an arm around Y/N as she came up from snorting a line, not even giving her time to breathe before putting a cold hand to her face and kissing her breathless.

Eddie watched the whole thing, watched as Blake threw back his drink and took a hit in one breath, watched the couple laugh and kiss messily. He couldn't take it, seeing her with him. He knew he had fucked up, that knowing her rejection would have been better than this.

He walked away, going to help Steve corral the other little shits that had snuck into the party before they got into serious trouble.

~

Y/N wasn't sure what she was laughing at. All she really knew was Blake had just pushed her off the bed they were jumping on, but her head was fuzzy and her body was heavy, so maybe he was doing her a favor. She liked laying on the floor, breathing deeply.

"Do you ever stop laughing!" Blake yelled at her, making her head spin even more. Suddenly, she felt less of the fun fuzzy feeling and more unclear and in the dark. What was going on?

She could barely breathe, she didn't feel in control of her own body. She could feel her brain shutting down as she closed her eyes. The panic set in when she was unable to open them more than slits, but it was quickly replaced by nothingness.

Across the party, El was screaming.

She was yelling incoherently at Eddie, who felt way too sober for everything. Max and Will and Mike were at her sides, trying to get her to calm down, but she was hitting the older man, grabbing his jacket and pointing up the stairs. He almost put her over his shoulder to walk out, thinking she was clearly wasted, when he heard something he knew was actually English.

"It's Y/N!" That got Eddie moving, running to the last bedroom he had seen Y/N go into. He had kept an eye on her, had watched her get progressively more unhinged and high, but he thought Blake had it. He is her boyfriend after all, and the last thing Eddie wanted to do was intrude.

How could he have been so stupid?

Steve marched behind him, the kids bee-lining to follow. Once Eddie got to the door and found it locked, he pounded on it so hard it rattled the walls.

"Blake? You motherfucker, you better get out of there before I break this goddamn door down!" Eddie's voice was deep and loud, making the kids shiver. They had never heard him sound like this. Blake unlocked the door to stick his head out.

"Go the fuck away, freak." Blake said, but he seemed out of breath and his voice was too high.

"Where's Y/N?" Eddie demanded, trying to push through the door.

"She's fine. Everything's fine. Just go." He rushed out, still trying to shut the door on Eddie. "Go, please." He begged, setting off warning bells all throughout Eddie's head.

"Open the door." Eddie seethed, tilting his head in anger.

"No," Blake started, shaking his head and pushing.

"Open the fucking door." Eddie pounded once more against the half open door, red hot rage engulfing him as he could think of nothing else but Y/N. The way Blake had said that she was fine so quickly, wanting him to leave, it didn't sit right with Eddie.

"She's not your's, man! You had a chance," Before he could finish his sentence Steve and Lucas were helping Eddie open the door; it was overkill, and Blake lost the fight quickly.

"Y/N?" He called looking around. It didn't take long to find her on the ground, unmoving. She looked uncomfortable laying there, not right.

Eddie's heart dropped so far it cracked the carpet.

"Oh my fuck," He ran to her, hands cupping her face. "Y/N? Y/N." He repeated her name over and over again as he lightly slapped her face, waiting for her to open her eyes. When she didn't he pressed his head to her chest, but he felt no movement.

"Holy shit," Dustin muttered as Eddie let out a quiet sob, the younger man stepping back slightly as he took in the scene.

"Steve!" Eddie called, not daring to look away from Y/N. "She's not breathing, man!" He could barely get the words out, his throat constricting in time with his wildly beating heart.

"No, no," Max's hands went to her mouth, feeling Lucas behind her. She turned into him and he cradled her head to his shoulder, making sure she wouldn't see the scene in front of them.

"Y/N? All right, all right, all right." He was convincing himself that she was fine, that any second now she was gonna gasp for air and laugh and he would kiss her senseless. He had been stupid to not talk to her, to not hear her out. Now, as he maneuvered her into his arms, he felt sick at the thought that he had lost time with her. "It's okay, I'm here, Y/N." He pulled her around and made sure her head was tilted up, not realizing how much he was shaking. He tried to calm himself by rocking back and forth.

"Dustin, go find a phone, call the cops, don't give any names. If we can't get her awake, they'll help." Steve ordered, taking charge of everyone before they could continue freaking out. "Will, go with him. El and Mike, go find Nancy. Tell her Y/N overdosed, that she's nonresponsive. The rest of you, tell Nancy to give you her keys and go to her car. Keep your heads down, we don't have time to bail any of you out of jail." The kids moved quickly, leaving him, Blake, Y/N and Eddie in the room.

"Y/N? Y/N." He was still repeating her name, smacking her lightly with the arm wrapped around her head, knowing he would do anything to see her chest move again, hear her heart beat.

"It's gonna be okay," Steve said, but Eddie wasn't listening.

"C'mon." Eddie begged, only looking up when Steve yelled out at someone. He saw Blake moving to the door, halfway out of it. "What the fuck are you doing?" Eddie yelled, head melting at the fact that here he was, holding Blake's girlfriend as she died while Blake was leaving.

"I'm sorry, I, I can't be here, so, um, I'll, I'm sorry," And with that stuttering mess Blake ran out the door, leaving Steve and Eddie alone with Y/N. The two didn't have time to be angry at Blake, too focused on Y/N.

"Steve?" Someone called from the hallway.

"In here!" Steve yelled back, and Eddie was relieved to see it was Nancy holding a white cloth.

"Put this here," Nancy slid to her knees in front of Y/N and Eddie, Robin and Jonathan trailing behind her with horror-stricken looks. Nancy pressed the cloth, which smelled strongly of alcohol, onto Y/N's nose as Eddie held her head up, tears beginning to run down his face.

"All right, stay with me. Stay with me." He begged, not letting himself think about what would happen if this didn't work. "Wake up. Wake up." He gripped her tighter, tears falling off his face and onto hers.

"Hold on," Nancy muttered, because this wasn't working. Y/N still lay unmoving in Eddie's arms.

"Please. Please, please, please, please." He had never begged for something this hard in his life, had never wanted so badly to be able to go back in time and change everything. He felt the guilt of this. He knew it was his fault. If he hadn't pushed her away, too afraid to face his fears, he would have been with her tonight. "Please don't, please don't." Someone was rubbing his back, telling him to breathe, but all he could think was that he wasn't the one that needed help. He felt the air draw out of him, the room closing in as more time passed without Y/N opening her eyes.

Eddie pulled her as close to his chest as possible, pressing kisses to her forehead in between muttered prayers and pleas for her to just stay with him, to breathe and open her eyes.

"Please," He muttered once more, raising his head to the ceiling and calling on anyone who was listening to help him. When he looked down again, Y/N's eyes were open - hooded and dilated, but she was responsive.

"It's you." She whispered, looking at him for a moment longer as he put his hand to her cheek before she closed her eyes once more, this time still breathing.

"The cops are here!" Robin called from the window, and everyone started moving. Steve and Eddie picked Y/N up, who's eyes are closing an opening at the rate of a turtle's.

"C'mon, we gotta go," Steve encourages, and Eddie has never been so grateful for someone who knew what to do. Usually, he likes to be in charge, likes to take control of situations, but right now he can't think. He's straining his ears as if he could hear her heartbeat somehow.

"She's not conscious." Eddie tells Steve, who silently leans down to help Y/N up. They had her arms over their shoulders, her feet dragging on the floor as the two boys carry her out.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Steve mutters as they get to Nancy's car, people running around and creating the perfect cover.

"I'm getting to him first." Eddie isn't seeing red yet, because he has to get Y/N to safety, but he knows as soon as she's okay he's going to go insane.

It takes three seconds for Y/N to be placed into the care of Robin, who looks up and expects Eddie and Steve to climb in.

"Make sure she's okay." Eddie says. He's already imagining every way he's going to hurt Blake.

"What?" Robin barely says before Steve is slamming the door shut and walking back into the house.

The men are lit by red and blue police lights as they make their way back into the house.

"Hey!" A hand on Eddie's shoulder stops him, which should top them off that they know this person because they went for Eddie's shoulder knowing Steve would wait. Eddie would not have had Steve been the one who was stopped. "What the hell are you two doing?" Hopper is standing there when they turn, arms crossed.

"I have to go kill someone." Eddie says, as if he isn't talking to the chief of police.

"Can I ask why?" Hopper doesn't seem very concerned, but he's sure Eddie is telling the truth by how angry he looks.

"You don't wanna know, Hop." Steve starts, knowing that Y/N won't get in trouble from him but not sure he wants to expose her.

"Are the kids okay?" Hopper asks, concerned.

"We got them out." Steve can tell Eddie is itching to break some bones, and he's not sure how happy Hopper would be about that.

"What happened to Y/N?" Hopper knows that the only reason Steve and Eddie would be marching into a party together is her.

"Hop," Steve starts, knowing that if they tell Hopper he'll probably tell them to leave so he can arrest the jackass. He needs to pummel Blake's face himself. He needs to let Eddie almost kill him and pull him back before any murdering actually occurs.

"She ODed and he pushed her off the bed before he left her not breathing on the ground." Eddie is about to turn around when Hopper grabs his arm. "You're gonna have to arrest me to keep me off of him, and if you're gonna do it you better do it now."

"Listen to me," Hopper says quietly, looking around to make sure the other officers are all doing something else. "I will keep them away from you. Whatever happens in the next fifteen minutes, I don't know about it. When I find him, it better look like a fight gone wrong and not a homicide. Got it?" His voice scared Steve, but invigorated Eddie.

"I only need ten." 

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @one-sweet-gubler @sadbitchfangirl @gloryekaterina @alexshaff2002 @m-rae23 @icequeen1371 @mcueveryday @xxhellfiregirlxx @parkershoco @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @peculiarwren

[koskela-knights]

Random Koskela HCs

Headcanons partially based on what I've seen in the game so far, which includes some of the manuscript pages & the commercials (*Some spoilers ahead thus*)

Ilmo is the younger twin with an age difference of 3 solid minutes

Ilmo's entrepreneur & creative spirit is balanced out by Jaakko's no-nonsense attitude.

However, I like to think that Jaakko has had his share of wacky, wild ideas but happily gives Ilmo the credit for them since most residents already view Jaakko as the less quirky brother.

It was actually Jaakko who came up with the floats they can't show on television.

The Koskelas are inseparable from each other and also from their baseball cap and beanie.

They probably lived in Watery their whole life.

Ilmo looks up to his brother, even though he doesn't always say this out loud.

The brothers have a bunch of tapes with bloopers from their commercials that they watch when drinking beers together after a long day of work.

Every now and then, when the weather's good, they like to race each other on their motorcycles. It got them in trouble more than once with the deputies, but fuck the government and police!

They also like to make long tours on their bikes, taking in the views of the landscape.

Extended Family

Jaakko met his wife who was a tourist visiting Bright Falls. They had kids but in the end it didn't work out with them because his wife was a city woman, plus Jaakko's involvement with so many Koskela businesses left him with little to no time for her.

Still, he has an okay bond with his ex and a good relationship with his kids. They mainly keep contact through e-mail and occasional phone calls. During some holidays, the kids visit Jaakko in Watery.

When the kids were young, Jaakko's built them some toys and mini attractions (like a mini moose spring rider)

Ilmo tried his best to be The Cool Uncle but didn't always succeed where he wanted to. Being a smalltown resident, he was often out of touch with the big city customs and cultures.

Other random stuff

Although the local government isn't always too happy about so many things being owned by the Koskelas, it gives the town their fair share of income and it helps locals get jobs and keep a community feel.

Ilmo took evening classes to become an entrepreneur

He had to grow into his more extroverted persona.

Ilmo hates it when tourists pronounce or write his name wrong. No his name is not Elmo and he doesn't know who that furry red thing is. (There have been instances where Jaakko told naive tourists that 'Elmo' is the correct English version they could use instead)

Ilmo once considered doing tour guides on his motorcycle but Jaakko talked him out of it.

Angsty

Ilmo sometimes feels he has to overcompensate in his achievements. Since he looks up to Jaakko, who is his business partner and has a family, Ilmo fears he will fall behind.

Jaakko wishes his kids would stay in Watery, but knowing how shady the place is, he is glad they live far away from their hometown.

Jaakko was initially afraid to become a dad, but Ilmo hyped him up and supported him through the process.

No matter how many Taken they've killed, it hurts each time. Especially if they've known the person who got transformed.

Jaakko was the first one to kill a Taken, which he did after Ilmo initially hesitated which almost got him heavily injured.

Ilmo isn't superstitious, but there always remained a lingering fear that one day he would turn out like the historical figure Illmari. After the events of AW2, he blames himself heavily for Jaakko's death.

Ilmo has survivor's guilt.

After Jaakko's death, Ilmo can't immediately grieve, because there is still an evil to defeat, plus he still has all his responsibilities for the multiple businesses he runs. But keeping up a facade isn't easy.

Ilmo doesn't know what to tell Jaako's kids. How is he supposed to explain what happened to their father? The only "consolation" is that Jaakko's death was quick, he didn't have to bleed out or anything. Still, it was super messed up and Ilmo has nightmares.

[offscreendeath]

I finally watched Across the Spiderverse after months of putting it off and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

There's few movies, in my opinion, that live up to their hype and this is one of them. I'm not going to bother comparing it to the first in the series -- there's already plenty of that going on. But beyond the appealing art direction, score, humor and easter eggs, one of the things that really stuck out in my mind was the theme of "acceptance", in so many words.

In the film, we are treated to the classic Spider-Man themes of great power = great responsibility, having to balance home life and a superhero career, yadda yadda, we know the drill, been there, done that, nothing we haven't seen before.

What I didn't expect was to see this theme turned on its head. Sometimes that responsibility is incredibly unfair, and we often don't have enough power to deal with it on our own, at least through conventional, socially acceptable means.

The big speech Rio gives Miles isn't like the rest of the other speeches we've seen various Spider-Men being given. Rio affirms that Miles is loved and cherished, that he belongs where he is, that his presence isn't, as Miguel later states, "a mistake". This resonated with me, as I'm sure it did other people, particularly younger black kids. I'll explain why.

Miles is from New York City, Brooklyn to be exact -- an area that has rapidly become gentrified over the course of a generation, but particularly in the last few decades.

This means, among other things, higher prices for housing and other necessities, displacement of historic residents of the community and homeless populations, as well as a cultural clash between wealthy yuppies and natives.

None of this is explicitly explored in the film, which takes place in a fictional version of NYC, but it is relevant context nonetheless. Black youth are routinely criminalized, brutalized, surveilled and killed by law enforcement, and made scapegoats for "crime" by racist "concerned citizens" and vigilantes.

When everything from hostile urban infrastructure and officers from abusive, corrupt institutions (and ninja vampire spider-men) are telling you that you "don't belong", someone telling you that you're accepted and matter, can make a huge difference and go a long way in helping to build your self-esteem. It's this expression of unconditional love that, I believe, gives Miles the confidence to finally confess and reveal his hidden identity to (a version of) Rio towards the movie's finale, regardless of the warnings Gwen gave prior to this happening.

The difference between Miles & Gwen is that Gwen's father discovered her secret totally by accident. She was forced to reveal her identity rather than voluntarily offering that information. Before she had a chance to explain her motivations for keeping this hidden life to herself, it was too late. Miles, on the other hand, at least has a chance to come clean -- though it remains to be seen whether The Spot will interfere with this.

The Spot also craves acceptance, in his own way -- feeling that he's a joke, he's desperate to gain enough power to prove that he's a formidable opponent. His conditions has left him unable to easily re-assimilate into society -- permanently disfigured and incapable of living a "normal" life, he doesn't have the family that Miles has, nor a society of others with similar experiences to provide mentorship or community. He is totally alone, angry, sad, and probably scared.

Like Miles, Spot was in the wrong place at the right time. The accident leading to Spot's new body only granted him great power -- but no responsibility except to himself. It's hard to not feel sympathetic to Spot. Like most villains on Spider-Man's roster, his story is a tragic one. Perhaps if there were someone in his life like Rio, who could've told him that he's not a "mistake", he wouldn't feel so rejected and alone. Also like Miles, Spot is himself a scientist, not lacking in any brilliance -- only healthy, loving relationships and the respect that comes with it.

Miles is also actively undergoing puberty, a process that involves physical change as much as social and psychological ones. It is an awkward time for most, and with the additional stress of having to go to school and be the city's only Spider-Man, the struggle is definitely real and palpable.

Dealing with the weight of his parent's expectations, and the expectations of a city in need, as well as a whole multiverse of other Spider-People, it makes sense that Miles would feel constantly out of place, outclassed and overwhelmed by the many changes in his life, desperately attempting to spin multiple plates at once. Rio's words offer comfort and reassurance, but it is Gwen, Hobie, and Peter whose actions ultimately prove that he doesn't have to endure this struggle alone.

Managing to outwit and evade the entirety of Spider-Society with no outside help, Miles has proven he has the technical skill and experience to be Spider-Man. He's far from an amateur, regardless of Miguel's scathing, callous criticism. Miguel's insults are brushed off as Miles once again slips through his fingers and defies his orders to merely stand by as his father dies.

It is perhaps true, though, that Miles is naive to the threat of the canon being broken, that he is ignorant of the scale of the problem and that the risk is simply too high to alter the timeline, but it is not in his character to refuse a call to action, especially when it is someone he loves who is in danger.

Miguel seems to be using Miles' existence as a scapegoat for his internalized anger and grief regarding his own mistake in breaking the canon and its consequences. Losing everyone he once loved, as well as condemning the rest of the universe to erasure in the process, Miguel isn't wrong to worry about what Miles' actions could mean for everyone unless he is stopped. Rather than work with Miles to find a solution, he instead opts to prevent him from having even the opportunity to explore solutions to the problem.

Even with amazing futuristic technology and an entire veritable army of superpowered beings (mostly, with the exception of Hobie,) at his command, I think it's bizarre that Miguel isn't even willing to hear out Miles' concerns and desires. Instead, his first instinct is to capture him while his father dies alone, in an entirely different dimension than his own.

Perhaps Miguel is like Spot -- desperately needing someone to reassure him that his mistake was honest in nature, albeit a bit selfish, but that doesn't mean he should suffer with the resulting trauma and mental anguish indefinitely for it.

Everyone, save for a few, seem scared of Miguel, and for good reason. He has great power, for certain, but perhaps bears too much responsibility, which has warped his morals and led to him becoming a dogmatic quasi-authoritarian -- or, in Hobie's words, a "self-mythologizing, narcissistic autocrat!" Miguel is fully aware that he isn't the only Spider-Man who has dealt with the pain of losing loved ones, but he has made it his duty to lead a team dedicated to making sure that this collective trauma unfolds without a hitch. Though this doesn't make him a villain, necessarily, he is certainly an antagonist.

Upon my first of many viewings, I was certain that Gwen's father, Ex-Captain Stacy, would become another antagonist. Willing to draw a gun on and consider arresting his own daughter, I didn't have much faith in his development as a character, until it was revealed that he quit -- choosing his relationship with Gwen above his responsibilities as a cop. Perhaps Miguel could learn something from him, specifically that our futures are perhaps not written in stone, or at least that we have some degree of control over our fates, even if it isn't total control.

Finally accepted and free of the burden of concealing her secret, Gwen's relationship with her father is restored. Though initially hostile and obviously shaken by the realization, Gwen's father proves that parents and other authority figures still have an opportunity to grow, learning to accept others for who they are, provided they have enough time and self-reflection, and perhaps a few well-crafted persuasive words.

Ex-Captain Stacy is not alone. Earlier in the film, Jeff questions his merit as a father and worries about his changing relationship with Miles, fearing that he's become too distant or has somehow failed Miles in a crucial way. Perhaps Jeff has his own expectations he must grapple with.

Miles and Jeff don't have much in the way of a heartfelt speech together. Miles misses Jeff's speech at the party celebrating his promotion. The talk they do have together happens without Jeff's knowledge, though his respect for Spider-Man obviously has an impression on him, with Jeff suggesting to Rio later in the film that they should take his advice in dealing with Miles (aka, himself), giving him more space and trust as he matures into a young adult.

Though I want to work out how Hobie's character fits into this theme, this post has already gotten too lengthy and he deserves a post of his own -- not to mention we don't really get much of a serious exploration into his background or character to draw many conclusions from.

Suffice it to say, however, Hobie's ethos and actions would suggest that it's not only possible, but desirable and good to carve a niche for yourself, and seeming out of place or being underestimated can actually work to our advantage. Throughout the film Hobie constantly questions the actions and motivations of others, particularly Miles. This isn't done to make Miles insecure, only to encourage him to act on his own authority and be a free thinker, an essential component to being Spider-Man, not to mention an adult.

Well true believers, that's it for now. Thanks for reading. Until next time.

To be continued...

(By the way, why is "marvel mcu" a hashtag? the "M" stands for Marvel! You wouldn't say "DC Comics".

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @contemporarybardess, @realmackross TIMING: Sometime in the spring SUMMARY: Elora & Mack have a Twilight themed date night where some secrets are revealed... WARNINGS: Just a soft thread with a sire and a zombie! ♥

It had been a while since Mackenzie had gotten to do anything just fun and cute with Elora. In fact, it had felt like it had been months. And she knew it probably had to do something with the fact that the two still didn’t live together, but Mack just wasn’t ready. The one year anniversary of Brody’s death had literally just passed, and she still couldn’t bring herself to fully commit every part of her life to Elora; though she clearly wasn’t going to tell Elora that. She loved the woman with most of her heart, but moving on still felt wrong.

However, tonight, she was going to make it a point to spend time with her girlfriend, and she knew just the place to go…

“I really hope you like sparkly vampires. It’s the only thing showing, and I thought that if we got bored of seeing Robert Pattison’s sparkling peeled potato skin, we could just make out.” Mackenzie looked over at Elora with a hopeful grin as she shut off the engine on her Mini Cooper. The first movie hadn’t quite started yet, so there was still time for concessions, bathroom breaks, and finding a spot in the grass up front with the blankets she brought, if Elora didn’t want to stay in the car the whole time.

—

Finally, just a cozy date night watching a cheesy vampire movie with her girlfriend. No violence. No cosmic bullshit cutting in. Just Elora and Mackenzie…and the other people watching the Twilight marathon, of course. While she always got butterflies whenever she saw her still, quality alone time that wasn’t interrupted was rare. They both had very…busy and eventful lives after all. 

“Well I used to have a crush on that sparkly potato skin when I was younger. But I’d never turn down a makeout session, you know that.” It was a bit embarrassing to admit she was a recovering Twihard, but she also knew pretty much every girl went through that phase at one point or another. 

“Y’know, I was expecting a better turnout” she said, looking out at the crowd of people. The turnout seemed decent, but definitely didn’t seem to match the fervor the online petition had implied would be present. “I guess not everyone can tough it out through all the movies, eh? Can’t blame them, I’m not so sure we’ll make it either.” She was hoping that they’d get too tired to give Mack an excuse to spend the night at Elora’s place. Or for Elora to spend the night at Mack’s. Either way, they hadn’t had much time co-habitating and she definitely wanted to make it happen. It just felt more cozy and couple-y.

—

When Mack had heard that Elora had a crush on Edward Cullen, a wide grin spread across her cheeks, “Wait…what? Were you a Twihard, Elora Spiros?” Mackenzie had never really gotten the appeal of the movies, at least not when they had first released, considering she was only ten years old. But by the time she had turned thirteen, it was all she could talk about. She had caught the tail end of the obsession, but it didn’t matter. The pasty sparkly vampires and werewolf who wore jorts had their hooks in her heart, and she wanted more. It would take another year or so for her to actually grow out of it, but rumor has it, there’s still some of Mackenzie Ross’s (TwihardGirlie98) fanfic still floating around the internet today.

“I…Okay, I’ll admit it. I was a Twihard, too. But like at the tailend of the hype, because I was ten when the first movie came out, and my parents wouldn’t let me read the books until I was a little older…” If she could blush, she would, “Who was your favorite character?” This date was already so telling, but she loved it. It made her feel so much closer to Elora. Something she needed out of fear that they might have been drifting apart.

“You know, I’m surprised too, but it’s probably because everyone and their mother and brother own all the movies and don’t want to be bothered by sitting in a car for three years just to see Edward Cullen sparkle and brood on the big screen.” Mack laughed softly. “Besides, I would rather us not make it…if you catch my drift…” She grinned coyly at Elora.

—

With mock embarrassment, Elora put her hands up and said “Guilty as charged! Me and pretty much everyone else I went to middle school with.” She then caught herself, as she technically didn’t go to school with any of them. “Well, the girls who were the same age as me, I should say. It was like some hive mind virus that targeted tween girls specifically. It was sort of some weird fever dream we all woke up out of years later.” All of her Twilight merch was long gone now, burned up with pretty much everything else, but she hung on to a lot of her New Moon T-shirts until well after her teenage years. Those times were fun to look back on, even if they did make her cringe more than anything. 

“I knew it! You totally seem like the type! No offense, of course. Nobody’s immune from the Twilight phenomenon, not even the infallible Ms. Mackenzie Ross.” She thought about Mack’s question for a little while. There were so many characters, but not many that were particularly good or likable. “I like the dad. What was his name? Charlie? He had a good head on his shoulders and only wanted what was best for Bella. Took the whole existence of vampires and werewolves surprisingly well. I mean, mildly freaked out of course, but didn’t get hung up on it too much! The real question is…Team Jacob or Team Edward?”

“I wouldn’t mind cutting out early either” Elora said, knowing fully well what her girlfriend had in mind. It had been a while since they had a chill night just to themselves, and while watching bad vampire romance was a good date night it wasn’t quite what Elora had wanted. “Let’s at least make it to the baseball scene from the first movie. After that everything goes downhill anyway”.

—

Mack laughed at Elora. She knew exactly what the other woman was talking about though, because she had witnessed its phenomena, even growing up on movie sets. She could remember the adults on set talking about it and trying to ask them what they were talking about. Even some of her younger co-stars had been allowed to bask in the glory of its success, but Mack had been left on the sidelines, until she wasn’t anymore and her room was plastered from head-to-toe. But the real height of her obsession came, when she was allowed to attend the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 premiere. She hadn’t recalled the memory until now, sitting next to her girlfriend while having this conversation, and she honestly wasn’t quite sure if she had wanted to admit it out of the fear of being teased for eternity by Elora, “Yeah, yeah…the dad was cool. Nice guy in real life too. And you’re right. He did keep a pretty level head. You know…he kind of reminds me of Kaden. Have you two met? He wouldn’t get the reference, but if you ever meet him, tell me he doesn’t remind you of Charlie.”

Mackenzie was trying to stall, but it was getting harder and harder, because even she wanted to laugh at herself and the situation, “Oh come on…why did you have to ask me that?” She paused thinking, before finally giving the redhead an answer, “So I was Team Edward all the way growing up, but there is some bias because I had worked on a movie with Robert before, but now that I’m an actual member of the undead, I’m gonna have to go Team Jacob. Who wouldn’t love a nice, warm fuzzy werewolf to snuggle up to on cold, winter nights. Any chance you might be able to grow some fur? Perpetually cold dead girl over here.” She let out a snort, before playfully nudging her girlfriend to let her know she was kidding.

“Totally fine with waiting for the baseball scene. It’s like the best part of the movie, but I have a tiny bit of embarrassing information to share, and I don’t know if it will make you want to cut out sooner or not leave at all…” Mackenzie forced down the nerves that had formed in her throat as she pulled out her phone and searched online for something. When she finally found it, she quickly handed off her phone to Elora and turned away from the window. It was a video of a little Mackenzie at the Breaking Dawn Part 1 premiere answering everybody’s favorite question – the one Elora had just asked. And as she heard her voice fill the car, she couldn’t help but put her head down in embarrassment.

—

She wasn’t sure why, but Elora’s eyes widened a bit when Mack mentioned Charlie being a nice guy in real life as well as on screen. Sure, she was a major celebrity who had met pretty much all of the huge A-listers already, but did she really mean to tell her she’d met the Charlie Swan?

“Man, I’ll never get over you just knowing people. It must be so cool to know what people are like off camera. Well…the ones who are nice at least” She had heard talk of a Kaden in town, but had never gotten the pleasure of actually meeting him. “Nah, I’ve never met him. Nice guy then, I’m assuming? It’s nice to see decent guys around here, they aren’t super common.” It was true. There a lot of shady folks hanging around here, so knowing who was friend or foe was very important information to have. 

“Well I’m glad you finally came around to the side of reason! Jacob was so much better for her, I can’t believe she went with the crusty vampire man instead.” She laughed a bit at the fur comment, knowing that feathers just wouldn’t fill the same purpose for her. “I mean, there technically is a way I can make myself warm, it would just be very painful for me and probably burn you to a crisp. So…sorry but your dreams of a furnace girlfriend are going to have to be put on the back burner.”

She couldn’t help but crack a smile as she saw a young Mack, fully human and full of life, giving her interview. She was so young then, she always found it interesting seeing people she met as adults when they were children. “That’s adorable! You were so excited for the sparkly man! Also…really puts into perspective how long you’ve been a star for. I guess being a fan girl is a little different when you know the people personally, huh?”

—

Mackenzie had learned early on that celebrities were just people. It had come after an embarrassing moment on one of the first sets she had worked on, when she had gotten so nervous to be around one of the leading stars that she started to cry. It had stopped production, but the person she was working with had been patient with her and had spoken to her in a way that reassured her that everything was okay, and to remember that even the biggest Hollywood stars were just people and this was just a job, and at the end of the day they were all just friends having fun together. Of course, that worked until Mack grew older and started to realize that not all actors felt the same way; some who thought they hung the moon. But at the end of the day, Mack had learned to be kind and humble, and whenever there was someone feeling nervous, she was going to treat them with the same respect she had learned as a child, “At the end of the day, they’re all just people. Even the ones who think they’re God’s greatest gift to man.” She smiled warmly at Elora, before changing the subject to Kaden, “But yeah, if you want me to introduce you to him sometime, just let me know.”

Elora’s comment about Edward and Jacob made Mack laugh, “Crusty vampire man. That’s so accurate it hurts though. That’s why there’s fanfiction. So all your literary and movie dreams come true, when the plot doesn’t go the way you want it to.” She couldn’t believe she had just admitted that either. This trip to Twilight was proving to be more embarrassing for Mack than anything else, but she wouldn’t have it any other way, “You know, that's a shame though that you’d burn me to a crisp. I guess I’ll just stick with my fifteen heated blankets.” She was being serious too. “You heard me.”

It was a relief when the video was over, and Mack could put her phone away. If Elora wanted more, she could google it for herself, “Yeah…mention that, and I’ll disown you, Elora Spiros.” She was joking of course. “I mean, I’ll be honest – despite what I told you earlier, I still bragged to the few friends that I had that I knew Edward Cullen. I couldn’t help myself though. I was young and dumb.”

Looking up, Mackenzie noticed the movie was about to start, “Did you want anything, before this thing starts?” She was honestly looking forward more to the makeout sesh and what might follow then watching a movie about sparkly vampires.

—

“Yeah, everyone’s just another person. It’s just that some people need to be reminded that they’re only people.” Elora knew all too well what some members of the rich and powerful thought of themselves. Some people thought themselves to be gods of some degree, and demanded they be treated as such. “I’d like that. The more friends the better in this town, that’s for sure.” 

Elora knew about fanfiction all too well. She had written some herself, mostly when she was a teenager through her early 20s. It’s not a phase of her life she’s proud of, but if Mack was willing to show an embarrassing moment from her past then Elora figured she should be too. “Well, since we’re sharing. I know quite a bit about fanfiction and writing the ending I want. I actually used to post on AO3 a lot…I kind of had a problem actually. I just had a lot of my own ideas on what the canon should be so I wrote it into existence!” She knew there were a lot of fanfiction writers out there so saying she wrote wasn’t the most embarrassing thing in the world. However, she would fight tooth and nail to stop Mack from actually reading what she wrote. Her screenname wasn’t exactly easy to guess. 

“How could you NOT brag?! I don’t care how famous you are, every girl that age had the hots for Mr. Pattinson. And now he’s off being Batman, times really have changed.” She thought, thinking about how his acting skills really did have a huge glow up after the Twilight movies wrapped. He was a good actor when he wasn’t sparkling like a diamond. 

“We can just share some popcorn. I don’t want to eat too much, especially if we have…y’know…plans for after this.” The baseball scene couldn’t come fast enough. Although Elora had to admit she’d probably genuinely enjoy watching the movie up until that point.

—

“I’m not like that am I?” Mackenzie looked at Elora. She had come to this town hoping and praying she wouldn’t be recognized, but knew she probably would. Of course, the mansion out on World’s End Isle probably didn’t make her seem very humble or down-to-Earth, but Mackenzie tried to be. She really did. “I just…I don’t want to be perceived as an asshole.” Now, she was paranoid. Did Elora ever think of her that way?

Mack’s smile had dropped as she worried, until Elora had brought up AO3 and fanfiction, “Wait…what?! You wrote fanfiction? I want to read it! I showed you my embarrassing red carpet video, and look, I’ll even tell you my screenname, because I’m sure my stuff is still out there, if you tell me yours or at least share some of your fanfiction!” Her sad face turned to one of a puppy dog pout, she wanted to see this fanfiction dammit!

“I mean, I guess you have a point, and he really did glow up, didn’t he. Now, he’s got a kid. Good for him, you know? But if you think this is going to take my mind off of you admitting that you wrote fanfiction, you’re wrong.” It was hard talking about anything else now. “Look, I’ll go get the popcorn and soda…” She paused thinking on Elora’s words with a grin, “And nothing else…and while I’m gone, you can pull up AO3…accidentally leave your phone on the dash, and I can be all…whoops! What is this?!” Mackenzie put the puppy dog pout on and stared at her girlfriend.

—

 Elora felt her heart stop for a moment at Mack’s question. In truth, she was one of the realest and most down to earth people she had ever met. “Not at all!” She blurted out quickly. “Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve met some fairly well recognized bands and artists and there’s just so many pompous douches in the entertainment industry.” She then grabbed hold of Mack’s hand and looked into her eyes. “But not you. Never you.” 

Elora’s panic soon gave way to embarrassment as it seemed Mack wouldn’t let her off the hook about her fanfic days. She wouldn’t mind sharing if it was any good. But making a fic where the Cullen clan enter the World Series of Poker and titling it “High Stakes” isn’t exactly the peak of literature. Still, Mack did have a point. If she could see a mildly embarrassing red carpet video, they could cringe at some bad fics together

“Fiiine, you win. But be nice! I was a teenager. I think…maybe early 20s. Either way, I’m a much better writer now!” She begrudgingly opened up to her old screenname on AO3 and set her phone on the dash, resigning herself to her fate. If she can love me after reading these she’ll love me through anything, she thought to herself with a smirk. She was starting to get peckish and hoped she’d come back with their popcorn soon.

—

Mackenzie had immediately felt relief at Elora’s words in regards to her fame and the way she had treated people. There had easily been the exceptions, like Jade. But even with Jade, Mack had originally tried to be nice. But the loving grip Elora had on Mack’s hand solidified just how right she had gotten it when she had chosen to start falling in love with this woman. Someone who had chosen to see the real Mackenzie Ross for more than just a celebrity.

A giddiness had taken over the young actress though when Elora finally agreed to let Mack see the fanfic, and like a child excited on Christmas morning, Mackenzie hurried off to get the popcorn.

And just like that she was back in a flash and right back in her seat next to Elora, “Here’s your popcorn. Now gimme gimme gimme!” She was impatient like a child until she noticed the phone sitting on the dash, and quickly pulled it back. For the next hour, Mackenzie was going to sit and read the beautiful works of art that her girlfriend had gifted to the world, while the inspiration for such works played in the background.

—

As her girlfriend scrolled through some of the worst fanfiction she can remember reading in a very long time, Elora simply tried to focus on the movie. It actually wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be, there were some genuine sweet and entertaining moments. Nevertheless, it was still Twilight. The cheesiness would always be there to stop it from being more than just a guilty pleasure watch. 

At long last the fated baseball scene ran its course, and the pair shot each other a knowing look as their deadline had finally arrived. 

“Well,” Elora began, “Shall we head back to my place for a little night cap? Maybe we can do something less embarrassing than reading my old fics.”

—

Mackenzie had squealed with delight, throwing Elora a glance of genuine enjoyment every now and then, sometimes just stopping to catch the redhead in a moment of intrigue. God, she’s beautiful. The way the light from the screen accented the silhouette of her face and more had easily made Mackenzie ready to leave, and when the time had finally come, and Elora spoke, the zombie was in full agreement with the idea, “Babe, I might take inspiration from your old fics.”

Leaning over to give Elora her phone back, Mackenzie snuck in a quick kiss, before starting the engine of her Mini Cooper. Giving Edward and his ragtag team of vampires one last look, she peeled out of the parking lot with her girlfriend ready to go home and make a little magic of their own and the fifty things of glitter Mackenzie kept stashed in her bathroom for special occasions.

[cartoon-lovers-world]

Hiya! Have chapter one of my Found family Kismet fanfic!

This takes place after the escape, to clear things up

Enjoy!

That boy is odd

Branch trekked through the forest, searching for more food in case he had to stay in his semi-bunker for the rest of the week. He didn't mind his new life, as long as it kept him safe. He would wake up, search for food and water, collect wood, then go back to complete building his hideout Bergen-proof, survival bunker. Though he would mostly fall asleep on the incomplete pile of dirt

Not his usual smile painting his face, but a dark, emotionless expression plastered on the gray skin.

His face, once lively and animated, now pale and sweat-drenched from working day and night. His entire body, for that matter, was getting thin and weak from the lack of proper nourishment, and the gray look wasn't helping cover it up.

He stumbled upon another stick. Thin, he thought. But he didn't have a choice. Winter was at the doors, and he still needed to find more provisions and secure his shelter if he wanted to survive. He picked it up and placed it in his lap with the others.

He was doing great in surviving so far. Everything was good.

He was fine.

He totally loved himself.

Himself.

He stopped in his tracks, repeating the word. The one who pushed his brothers away.

And the same one who made his grandma meet her fate, leaving him grieving for the life cut short. It was his fault. He ruined everything.

He hated himself. Every part of it.

But he couldn't dwell on the past now. He wasn't allowed to. He had to survive and build his bunker, he had to wait for his brothers– they could be dead, too.

Why hasn't he thought of that?

Chills ran down his spines at the thought, hands unconsciously reaching out to hug himself. The wood was still in his grip, scratching at his skin as the tips of his fingers marked on his arms, but he didn't seem to notice. Crimson red mixed with the colorless sweat as the wood dug its way deeper into his body, doing so little to numb the pain haunting him since that day.

Or even snap him out of his trance-like state.

He longed for someone to sing him to sleep, any sweet melody to softly rock him as he sat in his bed.

But even he cringed at his own voice.

It cracked and hoarsened even when he was simply talking, no longer the angelic one his grandma used to say he had.

He sobbed. It racked his entire being, and his eyes were wide with terror. He wanted to go home, to hide under the makeshift, temporary shelter. So why couldn't he move?

"Are you okay?"

Branch blinked, frantically checking his face. It was dry. He wasn't crying, not yet, and that's when he noticed the blood trickling down his arms.

"Do you need to go to the doctor?"

Branch shook his head, looking up to see the source of the voice. A total contrast of him.

There stood a troll, the usual smile that painted his kind's face filled with concern as he looked at the boy in front of him. He was blue, glittering. He was one of those glitter trolls, Branch figured. They always hurt his eyes when he looked at them. The dull troll eyed the other for a few seconds, a bit mesmerized by the colorful aura he emitted. He was once like that.

"I'm fine," he finally answered.

"You're bleeding," the blue troll insisted, ignoring the orange one pulling at his sleeve.

"I'm fine, thanks," Branch repeated and turned away to leave, the whispers he assumed were about him fading into the background as he disappeared through the forest.

The glitter troll frowned, offering a small goodbye wave before looking at the younger. "Trickee, what's wrong with you?! He probably felt offended!"

"Hype, they say it's contagious!" another yellow, glitter like his friend, troll chimed.

"You really think being gray is contagious, Boom?"

Trickee crossed his arms confidently. "Enlighten us, Mr. Ablaze."

Hype sighed. "It happens when a troll loses the happiness inside of him. It's not contagious, dummies."

"So he's, like, emo?"

Ablaze rolled his eyes, not bothering to hide his smile. "Yes, 'Rick, he's emo."

"Cool-"

"Actually, that means he went through a lot." Hype's gaze shifted to the direction where the mysterious troll had faded, an unsettling sensation rising in his chest. The image of the troll's terrified face kept repeating itself inside his head. "That's not right…"

—------------

Hype sat at his desk, cheek pressed against one hand and the other sitting in front of him, drawing random shapes onto the lyrics he was working on. He's heard about that troll before, how he has, in the span of twenty four hours, transformed to the dull, gray troll everyone was now familiar with. But he never thought he would actually interact with him, or semi-interact. It was mostly him talking.

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and staring into the ceiling.

Rumors.

Rumors spread like dandelions in a windy field about that troll.

Sad, some people said. Crazy, others assumed. Bad luck, also on the list. And you can never tell for sure. Huge, scary titles were given to such a small, fragile creature. Yet it seemed no one had enough courage to state any of them. Gray, was the color Trolls feared the most, after Bergens. It was never a good sign for a troll to turn gray. Even worse when the troll in mention was a child, expected to shine with colors like no other.

But he didn't. He was dull, devoid of any signs of happiness, and, to logically justify it, the tribe had laid hands on the 'contagious' theory, their carefree minds refusing to believe that the world wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows - as he heard him say under his breath before he left.

A knock was what dragged Hype out of his head, and the person didn't even wait for a 'come in' before barging in the room.

"Dinner's ready." The blue troll turned to see the second in command leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, thanks, 'Blaze," he mumbled, forcing a smile in return. The other's faded.

"What's on your mind?"

"Is it that obvious?"

His brother nodded. "At least to me, brother."

A sigh. "You don't think he's contagious, do you…?"

"Well, he is young… younger than Boom and Trickee, even." Ablaze paused. "It's just weird, I guess."

Hype looked deep in thought. "What if he went through a tough time? Lost his family, maybe?"

"We all lost our families, Hype," his brother said. It came out darker than he had anticipated. "Maybe he just didn't deal well with it."

"Maybe…"

[br1ghtestlight]

my thoughts on what happened w/ the (many many) absent father figures on bob's burgers

mr frond was the result of a very short relationship between his mom and dad. was raised by his single mom and never even met his dad (dad might not even know frond exists) which led to a lot of attachment issues as a kid that followed him into his adulthood. scared of having children bcuz he's worried that he would abandon them in the same way his dad abandoned him and he doesn't want them to grow up without a father

teddy's dad was around when he was a kid but he was pretty abusive and terrible and didn't like teddy all that much. he wasn't the son his dad wanted. he was abusive towards teddy's mom and sister too and teddy found himself w/ responsibility to defend them and be the peacekeeper in the family. they finally got divorced when teddy and his sister were adults and in college/navy and teddy didnt really keep contact with his dad after that. his dad died when he was in his late 30s which brought up some COMPLICATED emotions he simply does not have time to unpack. he also has mother issues but its easier to ignore those and have a relationship with her

mort's dad went on long business trips for most of his childhood so he didn't really see his dad all that much and they didn't have a great relationship. basically raised by a single mom w/ financial support from his dad who would visit every few months and bring him like a Keychain or something but he didn't really care to get to know his son or his interests. when mort was a teenager it came out that his dad had been cheating on his mom with other women throughout his childhood so they got seperated and his dad moved out (not that he really lived with them to begin with) and probably got into a relationship with a younger woman or something idk. he died when mort was in his 30s or 40s but they barely kept in contact so it wasn't a huge emotional thing for mort. his dad DID request that mort do his funeral service and cremation in his will which was kinda his way of showing his support and love for his son and his passion/job. mort did the service and it was Not awkward at all (lying)

bosco's dad was around for his childhood and was very strict and generally kinda terrible and miserable (as was his mom. and so is bosco tbh) like a real asshole who punished his kids for the tiniest mistakes and never said i love you or ANYTHING. alcoholic. fought with bosco's mom all the damn time and made life miserable for him and gary even though gary was obviously their parents favorite. refused to get divorced even though they made each other miserable in that 80s sitcom type of way and when bosco was in his early 20s and going through school and everything his dad had a medical emergency and died before he had grandkids etc. bosco has a very weird complicated relationship with his dad and his memory and considers him both somebody he never wanted to become and also his biggest inspiration in life who he wanted to impress. always hyped grandpa up to his kids but also resents him for his fucked up childhood and emotional state. god help him

[makigorogoro]

disorganized thoughts on fionna and cake eps 5 and 6

(Spoilers!!)

ok ive only seen the eps once each and im going off of memory so a lot of this is probably gonna be paraphrased and mixed up but whatever . also this post is really fucking long lol sorry

-OK FIRST OFF THESE WERE SO GOOD RAAAAAH

-obviously we are in the farmworld, not surprised but very happy!!!

-also not very surprised fionna and cake immediately went along with simon’s plan

-the whole time they were talking about where to find a crown i was like lol. simon don’t look behind you

-cake bringing fionna a dead rat was really funny

-the versucci gag or whatever was also really good

-but what made me die was fionna talking abt how she’s played a lot of post apocalyptic rpgs and then it pans over to “man who has actually lived through the apocalypse”

-was really cool to see how the farmworld has developed after what happened with ice finn, i think it’s interesting how they’re more technologically advanced since the first time an ice age happened in this world they pretty much reverted to medieval times (does that make sense. you know what i mean)

-i was SO convinced jay was farmworld finn’s little sibling so when he said dad my heart stopped

-the name jay didn’t immediately click until bonnie was revealed to be one of his other kid’s name and i was like HOLY SHIT PUHOY???

-veeeery interesting since assumingely golb destroyed/erased the pillow world

-i guess you could just chalk it up to finn would have named his kids the same thing in any universe?

-but i mean speaking of his kids GOD he got busy with huntress wizard

-i mean it has to be huntress wizard. one of them looks just like human hunter wizard

-sucks that she died though

-simon’s ship of theseus thing was so fucking funny oh my god he’s just like me fr (i started talking about the ship of theseus in one of my assignments a few days ago and i was like. is this too nerdy.)

-i haven’t really talked about farmworld finn yet. a little sad he turned out so cold (pun not intended oops 😭) because of what happened to him when he was younger

-good on him for saying simon was a damn fool or whatever for wanting to put the crown on lol

-i wish they actually had a talk though

-cake saying fionna should kiss him while knowing he’s just an alternate version of her??????? girl

-also farmworld jake still being alive was crazy

-so it did turn out the crown was destroyed in this world, i honestly wasn’t sure since the crown from the main world survived direct contact with a comet lol

-the romeo and juliet style romance going on between finn’s kid and big destiny’s kid was really good

-finn showing up with bartram lmao!!!!!

-dude i love bartram, the bit in finn the human where finn’s mom says that they have to sell the mule and then bartram’s head peaks out from the bed in the corner is unironically one of my favorite jokes in adventure time

-i kinda forgot what happens between here and the end

-so did farmworld finn fucking die????

-idk what happened there i sure hope not

-i really don’t know if we’re going to revisit these worlds in any capacity considering the amount of time left but i hope we do now!! i feel like we need to see what happens lmao

-now for ep 6

-wasn’t really expecting it to open on “fionna world” as they started calling it

-i was wondering how they were gonna balance gumball and marshall yaoi with what’s going on with the main trio

-they did it really well though i think

-i also wasn’t really expecting to be introduced to winter king right away once we got back to the main plot

-he definitely gave me weird vibes right from the start im gonna be honest lol

-blaah i don’t really remember what happens between that and the winter wonder world sequence

-so ill just talk about that. holy fuck

-every review i read before the show came out was really hyping this scene up and i get why now

-was really cool to see the beyond the grotto animation again and the song was so good it’s still stuck in my head

-but the moment the winter king said he overcame the crown with sheer will i was like. um. im calling bs

-i was just thinking however it did happen though i have a bad feeling about! felt really bad for simon and when he said that he sucked i was like. oh no ☹️ dude

-the moment i saw little ice marcy pretty much cemented it for me i was like oh no something fucked up is happening here. tbh i still can’t really figure out what happened with that but given what the winter king said about making an ice betty. uhhhhhhhhhh

-OH YEAH cake once again saying simon and the winter king should kiss . GIRL WHAT ARE YOU ON

-i looooved crazy pb

-i remember when people were saying she was a marcy pb child lmao.

-simon saying that he wanted to “fix her” while the winter king just wanted to kill her was really interesting. im trying to figure out what it means lol. like we know that simon wants to be the ice king again but also now knowing he would want to fix and save someone from that madness…idk

-her song was really good

-her playing those ominous notes on her keyboard made me laugh

-i haven’t really talked about gumball (im not calling him gary im sorry) and marshall. i thought they were really cute!!! could definitely see marcy and pb meeting in a similar way

-the juxtaposition between gumball talking about his creations to fionna fighting the fucked up versions of them was really cool

-i hope gumball doesn’t take what the lemoncarbs said to heart . they’re just like that

-ok so. I was honestly more shocked that fionna kissed (a version of) simon than him disintegrating seconds after lmaooooo

-i have to wonder why he immediately died here when in betty (the episode) he was dying relatively slowly without the crown’s magic

-ive been writing down a bunch of crack theories and the first thing ive gotten right was the winter king transferring his craziness to pb lol lets goooo

-i was thinking that simon might’ve transferred it himself but then i was like nooo he wouldn’t do that….apparently he would do that

-idk despite how he seemed i think the winter king was still a little insane in the membrane.

-maybe the crown was still influencing him in some way? and that’s the message here? idk

-i can’t believe bi fionna is real

-back to gumball and marshall. gumball describing slumber party panic……oh my jod 🥺🥺🥺

-the baby world was so cute

-“and i’ll be cursed the right way” simon do you fucking hear yourself

Ok that’s definitely not all i have to say but this post is long enough lmao ,, god this show is SO GOOD i can’t believe it’s real. ok that’s all

[claireelizabethsblog]

~May's Books Reviewed~

May saw some highs and lows in my enjoyment of books! I largely was still making my way through some old books I hadn't had the opportunity to read, but I also read a couple of newer ones. I was also on holiday for a week in May which meant that I had a couple of easier books thrown into the mix too. All in all, I've been enjoying my reading, especially as the weather has been nice and I'm able to read outside more!

Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Li

(369 pages)

I actually started this book at the end of April, but I finished it at the start of May so in this post it goes! I really really enjoyed this book! I picked it up at the book shop because I have an unapologetic love for heist films, but had never actually read a proper heist book that I could think of. This fulfilled everything u wanted it to be as a heist book though. It was light and fun and a fairly easy read. It completely held my attention and remained believable (bizarrely!) while being compelling. It brought about the same feelings of investment and fun that I get while watching heist films and I would highly recommend it to people.

I gave this book 4.5 stars ⭐⭐️⭐️⭐️🌗

The MouseTrap (70th anniversary edition) by Agatha Christie (arranged and introduced by Sophie Hannah)

(245 pages)

This is a bit of an odd one to include, however I saw the play (finally!) and absolutely loved it so felt I had to locate the book now that I was part of the secret! Obviously seeing it was indescribably better, however it is still a fun story and I enjoyed all the behind the scenes bits and history that this book went in to. I cannot recommend going to see the play enough and would in fact not recommend reading this until after you already know the story so that you can enjoy the plot twists and mystery in real time with the rest of the audience.

I gave this book 3.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️🌗 (but as a play it was 5!)

The Book of Dust by Philip Pullman

(546 pages - this was a hardback)

I had owned this book for several years, having got it when it first came out with every intention of reading it, only to never get around to it! I loved the His Dark Materials trilogy when I was younger which is why I was really wanting to read another book from the same universe. That being said, while I enjoyed this book, it did not quite live up to the original trilogy (at least not in my memory). This was probably mostly due to a lack of nostalgia and attachment to the characters considering it is set like a prequel to the original books. The world and the writing remains incredible so I would highly recommend all Philip Pullman books, including this one to anyone who is perhaps a younger reader and wanting to get into a good fantasy world.

I gave this book 3.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️🌗

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John LeCarré

(367 pages)

So I read this primarily for its reputation as this incredible espionage book.... I have to admit, I do not get the hype. I honestly could not tell you anything that happened in this book, it kept my interest that little that I have already forgotten genuinely everything. I found that there were too many characters and the plot and language was long winded, meandering and unnecessarily complex. It's supposedly a classic, but unfortunately I'm still not sure what I even actually read. I therefore did not exactly enjoy it. It's definitely not the worst book I've ever read, but I doubt I'll find myself reaching for any more LeCarré.

I gave this book 2 stars ⭐️⭐️

The Help by Kathryn Stochett

(451 pages)

Very different from the other books that I rated this highly, but no less enjoyable. It took me a surprisingly long time to read for the number of pages it is, but this was in no correlation to the writing, which was simple and effective, but rather down to the content I think. The book deals with a lot of heavy themes around racism in particular, especially as it aims to by historically accurate and so it would have felt disrespectful almost to have read it much quicker. The writing and story were addictive and despite the heavy themes, I genuinely enjoyed reading this book and at no point felt weighed down by the responsibility of it. I would really recommend this book.

I gave this book 4.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌗

Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty

(434 pages)

This was the start of my holiday reading and it was indeed a total "airport book", ironically enough about an airport book author! I did strangely enjoy this book and was definitely desperate to finish it and find out what was going on the whole time. Although, that being said, the ending was a little anticlimactic and sudden in my opinion which did drag the rating down a little. I would also say that there does need to be a bit of a content warning here for eating disorders and very casual references and descriptions of them at that. It is set at a wellness retreat so a lot of the characters internal monologue does end up focusing a fair amount on body image and dieting.

I gave this book 3 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

(461 pages)

The second of my holiday books! I mean.... it's been read before, and it holds up as being exactly what it says on the tin - a classic teen coming of age book that while horribly cringy at points is still generally enjoyable. I loved this book when I first read it (almost 10 years ago!!) and I still loved it this time through, even if it was no longer quite as relatable! I have not much else to say about this one other than I would recommend it, but know that this is not the highbrow literature but simply fun and light and easy.

I gave this book 4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Icebreaker by R.L. Graziadei

(314 pages)

The last of my holiday reads. My kindle recommended this one to me based off other books I have read I suppose and I have to admit that unfortunately I was a little disappointed, especially by the end.it felt like it was just beginning to pick up and get interesting, only for all the resolutions etc to happen and feel kinda rushed and kinda unrealistically unsatisfactory. That being said, it was still a mindless holiday read and I really did enjoy the representation, both of multiple sexualities and relationship types; and more so perhaps of various mental health struggles.

I gave this book 3 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

(382 pages)

I really really enjoyed this book, was definitely a high to finish the month on! I found it highly engaging as I was so desperate to find out what had happened through out. The protagonist/speaker was incredibly unique and well written, with her trauma and experiences clearly affecting her thought patterns. This made it really interesting and cool to be reading from such a clearly unreliable narrators perspective, but also to watch with front row view as she herself slowly unpacks what has happened to her and come to terms with what other people see and how she could be living her life. The ending was perhaps a tiny bit too abrupt for my liking, but I really would recommend this book to people.

I gave this book 4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[kingkatsuki]

I didn't really know who to send this to and was just going to let it rot in my brain, but you commented on the lurker situation and it got me into a weird rabbit hole and made me kinda realize something a little tangential but I think still relevant. Maybe I'm old, but it seems like the attitude around fandom has shifted in the past decade or so from a collective of like minded people sharing and creating together, to a creator/consumer relationship that mirrors influencer culture. It's all transactional now. And that makes me sad tbh. Like participating in a community is so much fun and lurkers or those who just consume without engaging are really missing out, but also I hate seeing fan work creators getting treated like content farms. If you write or create art, nowadays that seems to define your fandom identity, it becomes your (unfair) barrier for participation and validation, and you're ostracized or forgotten and replaced if you can't continue to clear that hurdle for whatever reason. There never used to be this huge gulf between fandom creators and the other members, in my experience at least. It's like people now think they only have 2 options: be a creative person and provide a steady stream of free content (for an audience that expects/demands it from you) or mindlessly consume and only ever watch to the sidelines. But it's not true! Participate! Be a hype man! Curate your favorite fan content! Do something! Fandom is supposed to be more socialism, not capitalism! And maybe try to see the writers/artists as fellow fandom members first and content creators second. Like, you'd probably be frustrated too if people who you thought were your friends expected you to always be the only one to put in any effort to the relationship and then just ignore you if you asked for anything in return. It feels bad.

Nah, in a way I kinda feel the same. Sometimes I think I must be old because when I was younger and writing was primarily on quizilla/ff.net/LJ fics always used to have lots of comments, people would comment on each individual chapter and there were always bookmarks/faves etc.

In a way I want to say the shift in fandom has meant that people are more inclined to be lurkers now, or sites like tiktok/twt have made it easier for people to lurk. Or it could be that because there are more websites and years worth of content that it’s now easier to find fics and consume them mindlessly without worrying where you’re going to get your next fix.

But then there are sites like wattpad, and I know that everyone seems to hate wattpad for various reasons, but honestly I feel like the way their site works is ingenious. It gives people who read fics the ability to comment on each paragraph of the fic, enabling them to almost “live react” as they read through. And then you can still leave a little comment at the end or discuss in the comments with other readers/the author. And if you go on there now, you’ll see the sheer number of comments some fics have.

I also think that if you’re in a smaller/niche fandom you’re more likely to get more meaningful responses/engagement for your content. I used to write for Z Nation for example, which is an extremely small community and I got maybe 10-50 notes on a fic but more than half would be people commenting or simply interacting with me? Because people were grateful to find fics for their fave fandom? Whereas Bakugou there’s a million Bakugou fics so why should someone bother interacting with anyone when they can just scroll to the next one?

So it’s websites like that which make me think it’s partly that fandoms and the way we receive content has shifted, but I also think it’s people being selfish and ungrateful too. Because they just want to mindlessly consume and they don’t think about the living, breathing person behind the screen.

But for me personally, I’ve made some of my best friends by commenting on/reblogging their fics or just talking to them? So it’s like why wouldn’t you want to interact with people who are the same as you? Who enjoy the same things? Or why wouldn’t you want to do something so simple (and free) that could make someone’s day?

[annonniiiiieeeee]

i need raph and donnie clashing like katniss and gale did, their different ideologies and beliefs and views of the capitol were so so so important and i love brotherly angst

Donnie grew up in an oppressive society. While his dad tried to keep things light and the brothers grew up in a loving home they also trained as fighters.

Seeing as in cannon they grew up in a sewer knowing that if they get seen they will probably be captured and experimented on or killed, they grew up pretty oppressed in cannon.

I don’t think Donnie has Gales hatred for the capital in the beginning. He doesn’t like them and he’s angry that he can’t invent the way he wants to. He keeps the machines in town running but with limited electricity and his fathers own discouragement he can’t make the grand creations he dreams of.

Splinter is terrified that if Donnie gets caught making anything to high tech he will be killed as a rebel or taken to the capital to be a worker and never seen again. It’s not that he thinks Donnie isn’t talented or that his skills are useless it’s the opposite. Donnie is too talented and skilled. If he is found Splinter will lose him. Letting him fix the machines around towns is already to much of a risk.

His brothers are supportive of him and Donnie does everything he can to make their lives easier. Leo is his biggest hype man. Mikey is supportive as well and instantly gets swept up in Leo and Donnie’s excitement. Raph is more wary more aware of the risks his brothers are at but he is still supportive. They have made their little corner of the world as safe as they could.

This all changes when Leo gets reaped. Raph has to grab Donnie to stop him from volunteering for his twin. Leo is his younger twin. He shouldn’t be going to the death arena. He should only have protected him. But Raph and Leo have a deal and Donnie is to helpful to the district.

He watched it all. The chariot parade. The training scores (he was thrilled that Leo scored an 11) The interviews.

The games. He had to watch his brother try to survive. Watch his twin morn the death of a child. What him hunt down the careers. Watched as they flooded the arena.

He waited anxiously until Leo’s victory interview. The first time the public saw him after the games. And then Leo came home and his brothers wouldn’t let him go.

But things changed. Leo hid a lot of what being a victor was like from his family. But he was different. Everyone kept telling Donnie his brother just needed time to heal. Time and support. But the capital won’t give him that. They pulled him away from the family again to go on his dumb dumb victory tour. And he was worst when he got back. He put on a good show, but they could tell. He was pulling away from them. He was different.

And he’d need to go back to the capital every year. Every year to watch two new tributes die. Every year to relive his own trauma.

Donnie had always been angry. When they took Leo he started to truly hate the capital. It’s Leo’s return that shows him that even when you win you still lose and he despises them.

Then it’s Mikey. His baby brother who’s reaped and before he can even process or move Raph’s gone taking his place. And Donnie is stuck watching from the sidelines again. He already knew watching this years tributes would distort Leo but now it’s Raph and he’s so scared for both of them and he doesn’t know how to express this. He can’t make anything to help them or save them, he has to sit at home and watch once again as one of his brothers fights for his life in the ring.

When Raph AND Mona return victorious, he can see a change in all three of them. Raph (and Mona) is shaken but not as badly as Leo was. And Leo seems to be doing better to. (All three of them have some one to talk to that understand what they went through) Leo is, for the first time, talking about their experience. He talks about the other victors as if they are friends (Donnie can accept this after all they understand what Leo went though and it sounds like they helped keep Raph alive) but he also talks about people from the capital. Big Mama and Sunita.

Donnie can’t wrap his head around it. These people put not just Leo but Raph as well up for slaughter, how can Leo see them as good people! Let’s only see them as friends!

This lead to a lot of harsh words from Donnie and Leo is hurt. Raph steps in. Big Mama and Sunita help him and Mona survive. They helped Leo survive the previous year. They were Leo’s support system when Raph was in the games. Just because they are capital doesn’t mean they are bad people.

There’s a lot of fighting about this. Leo tried to explain but Donnie’s angry and Raph’s defensive, and Leo’s hurt to.

When they do the victory tour Donnie is even angrier (upset) that Sunita and Big Mama will be joining them (and he can’t)

Argument continue when they come home.

Then the Quarter Quell happens.

Donnie. Is. Enraged!

He starts looking for ways to help or just take down the capital on his own.

When the escape happens some district 13 members come to get the family (Draxum has made them well aware the brothers won’t help them if their family is in danger) and Donnie can suddenly invent whatever he wants. Donnie has no limits. He can protect his family.

And his brothers have been rescued!! Their coming here! They’re safe!

He and Mikey rush to meet the hover craft. They are so excited to see Leo and Raph again.

Only Raph steps off.

Leo is in the capital.

Donnie’s going lethal. He’s burning the whole capital to the ground.

Raph and Donnie continue to argue. It’s worst now. Raph thinks there are still innocents in the capital he doesn’t want to kill anyone unless it is necessary. Donnie wants blood. He’s doing what they need to free their country. To free Leo.

Donnie’s inventions turn the tide in their favor. But he goes to far some times.

And one time it’s a delayed bomb. A delayed bomb that goes off with Mikey nearby.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

94. Take Your Breath Away by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Just like a lot of other Barclay books, this one was a lot of fun! I loved the mystery and hope behind this one--I believe it was truly the latter that kept this story intriguing for me. I wanted to know what had really happened and if this story would get an interestingly happy-ish ending.

Much like his other stories, Barclay fills TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY with a bunch of red herrings and potential suspects. There were some good characters who you wanted to strangle, and some evil characters you wanted to know more about.

I'm excited to keep reading his books because Barclay has a way of grasping your attention as you read, keeping you hooked on the mystery and suspense.

I also felt really bad for the MC and how he had to go about things about the disappearance of his wife. I disliked his girlfriend, but what can you do LOL.

Onto the next one!

___

95. Find You First by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, this is the one. This is my favourite one by Barclay, so far. When I first started reading this and got a better grasp of the concept (I don't read the synopsis, as some of you might know), I thought, "Okay, this is cool and I know I'm going to love it."

I was right.

I love this idea of finding people before professional killers do. It's so deadly and so much fun, especially when you're getting to know these characters and hoping that they somehow survive the odds.

Another thing that I loved about this book, which comes as no surprise because I've mentioned it in other reviews of Barclay books--the red herrings and how everything connects blew my mind. I remember reading one POV and wondering how it would all connect.

This book was a blast and I honestly already have more audiobooks on hold from the library for his books.

___

96. Killer Pizza by Greg Taylor--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had so much fun reading KILLER PIZZA, probably more than I thought I would when I first found it at the Goodwill by my house!

First, let's show some appreciation for the cover. In person, the hardcover has a sleeve that looks oily because of the stains you'd see on a pizza box. It's so cool and I honestly love those little details. Also, there's a recipe for a spicy pizza in the book, so I mean, you can't go wrong with that.

The story itself was unique and so absurd at times that I couldn't help but giggle. A perfect example of this is the name of the monsters--it was hilariously ridiculous.

I loved the dynamic between the characters and how the MC grew as the story progressed. His self-confidence grew so much and by the end of the book, he was barely recognizable. I loved that for him because I think if a young reader gets their hands on this book, they could see a little of themself in this character.

While this is clearly a YA novel, it reads both a little older in the monster hunting and consequences, but younger in the way the characters behave. I this is the kind of fun summer adventure that everyone of all ages might enjoy, but I know some adults might find this to feel too young. But you know, just imagine that you're a teenager again living your best life through these characters.

I enjoyed seeing the stories through various perspectives because it's a thing I like, also because it helps a story feel like it's more rounded.

I'm sad this didn't get a lot of hype when it first came out--to the point where the third book is only available as an ebook. I'm currently reading the second and will eventually get my hands on the third book!

I highly recommend this for people who want quickly paced summer horror and monster stories that are just pure fun.

___

97. Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This. Book.

Phewwwwww.

A friend of mine read this book a while back and she mentioned that it was intense, maybe I should have listened to her. But you know what, I'm glad I underestimated it, because it means that it jarred me even more as I read it.

CHAIN-GANG ALL-STARS by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah was a RIDE. While it was definitely a story meant to put an emphasis on the systematic racism facing our society regarding the incarceration crisis, it also touched on society's obsession with sports and the televised (or via cellphones) murders we have increasingly been witnesses to--so many people share the morbid curiosity of seeing and/or filming that next viral video, no matter the chaos and troubling aspects of it. Consequences be damned.

CGAS felt like a hyper-form of this trend we are seeing more and more of on things like the clock app and YT.

I also loved how, thrown into the novel in intervals, we see advertisements and trademarks that literally thrive off being associated with these gladiator-style prisoners (who are predominantly Black).

And as the violence increases and takes us to a surprising conclusion, we meet a vast variety of characters and their backstories. We see crimes of various forms that beg the morality question of: Are their crimes worth their televised deaths, or future murders? At what point is a crime a justifiable reason for such a bloody sport? It definitely makes the reader put their morals into question. That's one of the reasons why I think this book can have readers who contemplate a world like this, and others who say "What the actual fuck is this?"

We also meet our main characters who help give this story even more life, especially when we meet two lovers who have vastly different approaches to their situations. One is a stoic and jaded woman who refuses to give her jailers the freedom of her voice, while the other is a woman who plays to what the audience wants because even though the hand they've been dealt is shit, she has to make the best of it--and if that means being the ray of hope in a bloody field, then so it shall be.

Needless to say, this book was amazing. It held so many interesting perspectives and offered such intriguing arguments. It showcased humanity and the deepest levels of its depravity. Often times an exploration of the crisis happening in North America, CGAS isn't a novel for everyone, but I think it's a darkly important read. Being faced with the horrors of what could be (and seeing even the boldest of supporters start questioning who they are) might be just what some people need to see how far society has fallen.

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98. The Power of Six by Pittacus Lore--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read June 2023:

I forgot how fun this series is, but also how annoyed I was with one of the characters in this book. I had these mild memories coming in of the betrayal and I thought it was just a vivid dream, but no dice.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, especially because of the split perspective! I loved seeing the adventures of the FMC in Spain. That was a lot of fun and a nice escape from the MMC's misadventures in the States.

I will definitely be listening to the third book soon!

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99. Pageboy by Elliot Page--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Elliot Page's PAGEBOY was such an eye-opening experience, in the best possible way. This was my first time reading a memoir about a person before and after their transition. It was a difficult read, since Page is very candid about his emotional distress as he spent years trying to find out why he felt so empty. Plus, the bigotry of Hollywood and its obsession about keeping him in the closet during his career must have been such an emotionally taxing experience.

One of the things that Page does in his memoir, which I've already mentioned, is just how candid his writing is. It felt like I was a friend that he was telling his life story. From who he slept with (sometimes with in-depth details), to how traumatizing his childhood was with his father and stepmother. He touched on so many Millennial touchstones, all while reminding us that all of this is happening in the background of his growing Hollywood career.

Surprisingly short, but with a hell of a punch, Page shares with us his deepest experiences and his deepest aches. I loved the moment where he finally found who he truly was, because while he faced even more difficulties, he was finally finding that inner piece he'd wanted for so long.

I highly recommend PAGEBOY--even if you don't know Elliot Page, I think it's an important read. You can't help but feel so much empathy for Page's struggle and honestly, I wish I could give him a big hug (with his consent of course). Be prepared to experience varying levels of emotions as one man shares with us his path to a better life.

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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

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Happy reading!

[stellaluna33]

Ya know what’s funny, is that we’ve basically gotten to see Jess and Rory in almost every stage of their lives (through fanfic in regards to younger them specifically) but something I never noticed is that I’ve never read or heard about their pre-teen years like 12-14 and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Like in some alternate universe out there where they met where they were younger, what was pre-teen them like together?? Separately?? I’m too curious now. 😭😂

Hmmm! I think a lot might depend on whether they'd met when they were younger or not. What I remember from my own childhood (and observing other kids) is that younger kids are more open-minded and willing to make friends with just about anybody, but I definitely went through a period (roughly from age 10 to about 14) where it felt like people were more insular and I didn't want to associate with boys because they were "annoying" (to be fair, they totally were at that age. 😂). I don't know how common that is, but my mom (a psychologist) says it's a pretty common stage of "child development" or whatever, so apparently it's common enough for that... And then in highschool I became more open to making friends with a wider variety of people again.

So... I guess what I'm saying is that I could see Rory and Lane (because they're inseparable!) being friends with Jess at that age if they'd already been friends for a while, but if Jess was only just moving to Stars Hollow? I could totally see them maybe having a bit of a vague crush on each other from a distance, but they'd probably never talk to each other and attempt to seem disinterested and aloof if they ever had to interact at school (but secretly find each other fascinating and/or terrifying). 😂 I have a definite headcanon that Jess went through a "skater boy" phase around this time, so I can picture him doing skateboard tricks to "show off," but then be completely incapable of stringing two words together if Rory ever tries to speak to him and just stares awkwardly, haha. She probably thinks he doesn't like her. 😂 He would definitely punch Chuck Presby in the nose if he made fun of Rory, though! Let's see... I read a fic once (I forget which one!) where Jess and Dave Rygalski were on the same Little League team and became best friends while sitting on the bench together because neither of them have any athletic ability. 😂. Isn't that ADORABLE?! I immediately adopted it as my official headcanon (for a universe in which Jess moved to SH as a kid), so Jess and Dave are definitely best friends. They're probably JUST starting to really get into music at this point, and it's a mutual obsession. But they also both used to listen to a lot of Weird Al and They Might Be Giants when they were younger, because they're NERDS!

Rory and Lane are an inseparable unit at this point. They don't need anyone but each other. 😌. They are ALSO just starting to really get into music now (aided and abetted by Lorelai, of course), but that doesn’t mean they talk to Jess about it, or are even aware that it’s something they have in common, because he’s a stupid BOY and they don’t talk to him. (And also they don’t talk to anyone but each other...) They turn up their noses at his stupid skateboard tricks and clownery, because they are much too dignified and mature to pay attention to such antics.  As if!  (Rory was the only person in their 5th grade class who knew that Clueless was an Emma adaptation, and she rants indignantly to Lane about it.) Ok, maybe he’s a little cute, but we don’t talk about that (except maybe as a slumber party confession, hyped up on too much sugar and too little sleep. There is much giggling.), and this is all the more reason why we must give every indication that he is Beneath Us.

ETA. Because I forgot about school! Rory is Not Amused by Jess's class disruptions and lack of participation. She thinks it's annoying, and is also confused and frustrated by it, because she sees him reading all the time! But whatever. She just glares at him sternly from time to time, and studiously ignores him the rest of the time. Jess just stares at her shiny hair over the top of his book from the back of the class and hopes no one notices.