#and she did lol and then when i had to move I'd been there 6 years and asked to go remote and they were like yeah nbd

[whatimdoing-here]

Forgot my 10 year anniversary at work was Saturday. My first big kid job after college stuck, thankfully. Helped along by progressing in my career, enjoying the people I work with and the work.

annnnd being scared to leave. Only 80% kidding.

Gonna go pick out my reward.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Hi!! I loved your post about Leo's sons sneaking out lol! I'd love to see how the other brothers would react to their kids!!

Children Of Raphael (Fluff)

Bayverse!Raphael x reader

A/N: My nap did wonders, and I managed to write this! Anyway, I’m glad you liked it❤️ This time it’s Raph’s turn! Joan, Minerva and Ragnar out trouble making behind you and Raph’s backs❤️

-------------

Warnings: Spelling, you and Raphael’s kids being sneaky and cute❤️

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It had been Joan and Minerva’s idea, because of course it had. Who else would come with an idea that surely their mother and father wouldn’t like. And little unsure Ragnar did not like what he overheard his sisters talk about. They would go topside without their father and mother knowing, and see the city of New York for themselves, and maybe even get some pizza. Something you and Raph’s two oldest kids always had wanted to do. But not your youngest. He was so young and did not like it. The thought of his sisters leaving the lair without his parent’s knowledge, made him jump uneasily on the spot. To 6 year old Ragnar, everything outside the lair was big and dangerous, and therefore the world above was a scary place. But his sisters had made their minds up. They were leaving tonight when you and Raph had gone to bed, whether or not Ragnar was coming along.

So that night, after Raph had gone out on patrol and you had tucked Ragnar into bed and kissed him goodnight, the young boy did something he never had done before. He changed the time on his alarm clock, just like he had heard his sisters say that they would do. And just to be sure, he added an extra alarm, should he accidentally sleep over the first one.

A few hours later, Ragner woke up to the sound of his first alarm, quickly turning it off before you would be able to hear it. He quickly gets into his clothes, before hurrying out into the big open living area, where both Joan and Mini stood, waiting just to see if their little brother would come along.

“Great”, 13 year Joan said, uncrossing her arms and letting them rest on her hips. “Now that we’re all here, let’s go”.

Mini jumped with a smile at her sister’s words, skipping towards the exit. But Ragnar on the other hand, still wasn’t too sure about their plan.

“I still don’t know if it’s a good idea”, Ragnar said, playing with the hem of his oversized sweatshirt.

Joan sighed loudly and frustrated, exercising her oldest sibling's power to the fullest. “Did you just wake up only to tell us that?”

“No…”, the small boy muttered.

“Then shut it, and let’s go”, she said, turning towards the exit. But Ragnar did not shut it, like his sister had told him to.

“But what if mom and dad notice we’re gone?...”

“You see this?”, Joan said, turning towards her little brother in a sharp swing, one hand in the air, moving like a mouth, the other pointing to the moving hand. “This is your mouth, and it keeps jabbering. Now shut up and get moving, or keep it jabbering and stay here”.

Joan turned and started walking toward the exit once more. Ragnar placed his hands on his hips, crossed his eyes, and moved his lips in an animated way, mucking his big sister’s words. Mini saw this and giggled.

“You coming?”, Mini asked, reaching out a hand. Ragnar nodded at her, still somewhat unsure of the whole situation. So his took his sister’s hand and followed Joan out of the exit, finding her waiting with a soft smile just beyond the doorway. Sure, she could be harsh on her siblings sometimes, but she would always come around, making sure that they were okay.

The three half human, half turtle kids wandered through the tunnels of the sewer, following the path their father had taken so many times, before he had the uncles would start their patrol. Mini led the way, remembering the route for all the times you had brought her to wave goodbye to Raph, hoping that it would calm her childhood temper tantrums down whenever Raph left.

Ragnar now clung to the arm of Joan, watching every shadow around him with worried eyes. In his young mind, they all looked like monsters lurking in the shadows, ready to jump at them at a moment's notice. Ragnar thought of his father taking this route to the topside almost everyday, and how brave he had to be to do so. There was no doubt in Ragnar’s mind. His dad was one of the bravest men alive.

Finally, the three kids of you and Raphael came to the ladder that led to the world above. To Ragnar, it had seemed like several hours through the dark sewers, but in actuality, it may have taken less than a few minutes. But with all those shadows and monsters that continuously caught Ragnar’s attention, it felt like forever.

“It is this way", Mini said, pointing up the ladder. “I’ve seen dad go this way each time”.

Ragnar stared up the ladder, feeling a new fear wash over him. “That’s a long way up”, he said, mouth agape.

“It’s not that far”, Joan said, sending her brother over to Mini, before grabbing a hold on the ladder steps in order to start climbing.

As Joan climbed to the top of the ladder, pushing the cover of the manhole off, Ragnar stood uneasily and looked around. It was like watching something he wasn’t allowed to see. And even as Mini wrapped an arm around him, he still didn't feel fully safe.

Once the cover was off, Joan called down to Mini, asking her to send Ragnar up first, not wishing for him to be alone in the sewer. Though Joan sometimes found her siblings to be whiny, she did not like to make them feel more unsafe than necessary, which was the reason why she stood over the hole, smiling at Ragnar as he made his way upwards, Mini following closely behind.

Once at the surface, Ragnar looked around with wide eyes. He had never been in an alleyway before, nor had he ever heard the constant noise of the city at night. The blaring sirens somewhere beyond the low rise apartment buildings, and the occasional hunk of a car horn. For a moment Ragnar wondered if this was how his father felt whenever he crawled to the surface, in order to help the NYPD catch the many criminals Ragnar so often heard about. But it was the thought of his father that suddenly caused the boy to look around in fear.

“What if dad sees us?”, Ragnar asked as Joan pulled the cover back over the manhole.

“He’s on patrol for the next few hours”, Joan said, dusting off her hands. “The city is big, so the chances of him being around are less than small. We will be home before him and before mom wakes up. They won’t notice a thing”.

“But dad is a policeman”, Ragnar muttered. “He will notice”.

“Dad is not a policeman”, Mini said, giving Ragnar a sudden nuggie over his bald head. “He’s a ninja. That’s different”.

“Doesn’t matter”, Joan said. “We’re not here to discuss dad’s profession but to see the city. Come on!”

The three kids hurried to the mouth of the alley, watching the street from a hiding spot in the shadows. They watched people walk up and down the street. Business men and women on their phones, walking with hurried steps, stressed over the conversation about money. Teenagers was laughing on the street corner, and a couple stood under the street light with their arms around each other. Mini wondered if that was what you and Raph used to do before you had kids. Just standing out in the open or on the roof with your arms around each other, looking deeply into each other.

“Where do you think dad is?”, Mini suddenly asked, looking up towards the roof at the thought of you and him in your young years.

“Right here”.

Joan almost pushed over a trash can at the sound of her father’s voice. Mini felt her soul leave her body and a shiver run down her spine. But Ragnar felt relief, running to his father with his arms open, hugging the lower half of his torso, even if Raph looked furious.

“Daddy!”, the young boy shrieked, hiding his face against Raph’s hip. Raph placed a hand on his son’s head in a comforting gesture, but his expression did not change, his other hand on his hip.

“How did you know we were out?”, Joan asked almost in disbelief.

“Your mother texted me”, Raph said. “Someone forgot to turn off their second alarm. It kept beeping until she went in to turn it off”.

Ragnar’s eyes widened. He looked up to find his father looking down at him, his sisters realizing what Raph had just said. The sound of Joan’s facepalm echoed in the alley.

“Ups”, Ragnar smiled sheepishly.

“Ups indeed”, Raph said.

Mini moved some dirt on the pavement with her foot, playing nervously with her hands. “Are we in trouble, dad?”

“Oh, yes you are”, Raph said. “All of you are grounded”.

Mini and Joan complained loudly, asking their father if he was serious. Ragnar, still too young to feel or understand the frustration of being grounded, continued to bury his face against Raph, a content smile spreading over his face.

“No complaining. Masks, now”, Raph said, holding out his hand. With a sigh the girls relented, handing their bandanas to their father. Ragnar, who was still glued to Raph’s side, did not fight nor complain when Raph took his bandana off.

Lifting Ragnar up in his arms, letting the boy hug him around his neck, Raph went to the manhole and pulled over the cover with one hand, turning to the two girls as he pointed down the black hole with a snap of his fingers. “Lair”, he said, watching as Joan and Mini dragged themselves towards the ladder, knowing fully well that you were waiting back home. Ragnar on the other hand was happy. He was going home to his mother while being carried in his father’s arms, and nothing bad had happened. At least nothing bad in Ragnar’s eyes.

[allamericansbitch]

an update ♥️

as some of you may have noticed, I deactivated my inbox a few weeks ago. I had been thinking about doing it for some time but getting this constructive and respectful message showed me that what I was already feeling was affecting other people in the same ways it was affecting me. As I touched on in my response to that message, I didn't like how my own blog was making me feel. I knew that if Taylor did anything, I would get 50+ messages about it and I felt a responsibility to answer every single one to make people feel heard, many of you have been so sweet in letting me know that this blog helped you through something and was a safe space to vent, I never wanted to betray that. But with answering every message comes extensive amounts of repetition and turning a small side note into a major talking point. answering all the messages would make innocent personal complaints look like huge issues when it was never that serious.

One of my lapses in judgment was forgetting that this is a public platform, I know that sounds stupid but answering your messages felt like discussing and shit-talking at a sleepover and I forgot that, instead, it was actually basically out in public into a megaphone for everyone to hear and deal with. That mistake on my part is what inevitably led me to finally close my inbox because, while I myself was dealing with feeling drained and tired of discussing the same topics, I didn't realize that the weight of negativity was spreading to others as well.

Having my inbox closed for a couple weeks was incredibly refreshing for me. Then of course that moment of peace could only last so long lol, 6 different blogs seemed to vocalize their issues with me (some subtly, some not) within a couple of hours so I decided to take a brief hiatus.

Now that I am back, I wanna talk about the changes I'm making to this blog moving forward. I will not be responding to every message I get. Of course this is still a place for y'all to vent and I will be complaining about certain things (once a hater always a hater <3) but the volume at which those things occur will be lesser. Once I've said what I need to say I won't continue to speak on it, and I'll ignore asks that don't add anything to the conversation and just be more selective. I would like to move past constantly talking about Taylor (specifically the details of her personal life/people caring way too much about it), I know it'll be inevitable sometimes but I don't want my blog to erupt with messages every time she does something, like we're holding an emergency press conference about people being weird online. It's just draining and I need to keep it contained because that dam could break very easily. So please don't come to my inbox to just to have me comment on everything, I'd appreciate it.

If you read all of this, ily thank you for taking the time to do so. 🥰

[aninkwellofnectar]

Author Questionnaire Tag Game

Tagged by @tryingtimi and figured I'd give this gauntlet a go, lol.

About Me

When did you start writing?

Very, very young. I'd say about 6. I used to get on the computer and type out storylines similar to the animated movies I was watching (some mixture of Disney stuff lol) so they were kind of fairytale-oriented then I later moved into Neopets territory and then outright fanfic. I started writing seriously in my late teens to early 20s. Before that it was exclusively something I did for fun.

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

I used to read a lot of contemporary fiction though I've started reading a lot more fantasy in order to write it better. But my background in reading is very heavily oriented towards contemporary fiction and classics. It's weird now because I find I can't... get into contemp as much anymore. Part of that might be to do with how much I feel alienated and disenchanted with the real world, idk. Indie has gotten me into more things I otherwise wouldn't have touched like romance and horror (the latter I'm not opposed to on principle it's just not something I would pick up on its own) and I'm grateful for the expansion.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

Before I read Patricia McKillip I would say no but she absolutely has what I want in one package. I admire her greatly. I wouldn't say I've ever been compared to an author but I'm open to comparisons if anyone has any.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

I do a lot of my writing at my desk with my desktop or on my laptop in my bed. I also write on my phone (blasphemy) but I suppose my desk is my "writing space" as it were and it's very cluttered ever since I start publishing with an array of stuff I use to run a business out of my bedroom.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Reading excerpts of books that have inspired me or re-watching scenes on Youtube of dialogue and characterisation that strikes the mood I want to bring to my own scenes. I find this helps overcome the "empathy gap" because I'm not a very emotive person. I'm very rational and what some people call "repressed".

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

I suppose the family dynamics I write but I never really considered it until other people started talking about it in terms of "oh, it'd be nice if some families weren't dysfunctional" to me it's the normal families that are weird, even growing up with my childhood friends it was very abnormal for anyone to have like a stable two-parent dynamic. Perhaps this is just a class/background kind of thing but I write what feels emotionally true and familiar to me.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Self vs society, power vs love, escaping the constraints of a toxic community to seek liberation. And it's not really a surprise why that would crop up continually because it relates to things that I've continually had to grapple with in my own life.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

Laila Rose. She's the protagonist of my fantasy series and I love her to pieces. We've been through a lot together and even when I eventually stop writing her I will probably always love her the best and the most and want to continue her journey. Working up the courage to say goodbye to her has been immensely difficult, more than I anticipated. It's like trying to part ways with my soulmate. I feel like I've spoken at length on why I love her and I don't really want to repeat myself so please read The Essence of the Equinox and I hope you'll come to love her too.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

I'd definitely befriend Lyra, she'd be a riot honestly. Laila I'd be too intimidated by in real life to even think of approaching. Maybe I'd befriend Sabina as well, I could fix her, but not many of the others.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

Dominus. He's pretty much like... everything I hate rolled into one package.

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

I often get inspired by favourites in media and I pluck pieces of them and fit them together like a little puzzle until it becomes one definable template and then I sort of keep expanding that puzzle piece by adding little bits here and there. Dialogue, voice, ways of moving and emoting, until they become real to me.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

A lot of them are not very "likeable" people. They're not underdogs. They're not bastions of purity and goodness. They fuck up a lot. They hurt people, even and including those they love, they can have unchecked bigotry, they lie and cheat and scheme. But they're all very real and human in a way that, again, feels true to me. For me a character is defined more by their flaws than by their virtues.

How do you picture your characters?

Some are more vivid than others but once I get a face claim something clicks in my mind and it's like I'm seeing them even clearer than before.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

It's just a part of me. It's like asking me why I eat or sleep. It's a compulsion and it makes me feel useful, accomplished, grounded. The fact that all of my current friendships stem from me writing doesn't feel like a coincidence because it connects me to the world in a way I wouldn't bother indulging if I didn't write.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I don't get many comments from readers but my closest friends reached that level by showing that they spent a lot of time truly thinking and dissecting and ruminating on what I write and why I choose to write it that way. When I get a lengthy comment from them showing that they've truly turned something over in their head or pointed out themes or little hints I've tried to pepper through... it makes me feel seen and appreciated.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I want to be seen as talented, of course, I want to be seen as someone who is skilled in my craft and meticulous with detail. I want to be seen as an accomplished wordsmith. And I work very hard to try and attain that standard for myself.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think it's being very visually-oriented. I really feel like I can paint a scene with my words in a small amount of them, especially when I discover that right combination.

What have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

People have said it's crafting immersive imagery, whether that's with food or settings or even when it comes to eroticism and sex. I'm very sensory-driven as a writer and I want to really transport you somewhere else when you read.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I think that I'm good but that I can be much better and that's always the mindset that I carry into my work. I internalise criticism a lot although I'm also very good at pushing back against it if I don't fully agree but whenever I sit down to write something I always think "how can I make this much better than the last piece I've written" and I do think I've accomplished that.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yes, because honestly my writing isn't nearly so dependent on external validation as I thought it was. I used to think the thing I wanted most to be read and adored and while I do long for recognition it's more about being awarded for merit and being acclaimed for hard work, talent, and vision. I do sometimes get sad when people don't love my work and I took it quite hard when I first published When the Stars Alight, I will admit that. But I've found that I've come to terms with being constantly at odds with the world, having less popular tastes and interests and viewpoints, and I feel like my writing is just an extension of that. So rejection was not only to be expected but accepted. I myself will still always love my stories deeply and think that they're great stories worth being shared with the world regardless of what anyone else thinks.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

Before I published? Absolutely not. But as a businesswoman I have to be a bit more shrewd. I never write entirely to market tastes because it'll stifle my authentic voice and I don't really think I could do a paint-by-numbers job without my lack of passion showing. But I do weigh up a lot of my ideas based on what I've seen work commercially a lot more than I did before going indie. At the end of the day I'm a pragmatic creature who will do what needs to be done.

tagging: @laufire @words-after-midnight @pinespittinink @ladyniniane @rose-bookblood @i-m-p-a-v-i-d-u-s @sometimesraven @jazmine-here @zmwrites

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

diamond dust chronology

so as promised, i figured i'd type this out and keep it together in one post just to refer to myself and for anyone who might be interested. again, this is mostly speculation that a particular japanese fan had on twitter.

diamond dust closes out the school festival their first year of high school (this is canon and is explicitly told to us by momoka in episode 4)

the shot we get of momoka's smartphone in episode 4 shows a few articles on a music news website about diamond dust. the 2nd of those articles specifically states that industry insiders are looking into when diamond dust will make their major label debut because of the success they've had. it mentions how they closed out their school festival, but it's unclear if that means they also did it their second year of high school or if this is still referring to their first year

in episode 6 we're told by the serbian night owner that right before they moved to tokyo, diamond dust had 10,000 followers. keep this in mind for the rest of the timeline because this fan's theory is they had 10K followers by the time they played at their second year school festival (doesn't make too much of a different in my opinion though)

in the summer of their third and final year of high school, when momoka is 17, is when they decide to drop out because an agency has reached out to them. we can confirm for sure that it's their 3rd year because in episode 1 momoka tells nina she was 17 when she dropped out and they're in their summer uniforms in episode 8

so starting from here is when things get a bit more speculative

their indie album debut was most likely recorded that summer given that they're wearing their summer uniforms on the cover. it's worth noting here that this already kinda tells us that the girls likely got scouted by some less than scrupulous agency because they're using their being high school girls as a selling point by making them wear their high school uniforms on the cover of their debut indie album lol

at some point between summer and fall of their third year of high school, they move to tokyo and that indie album releases

the outfits they wear on the DD poster that was up at serbian night kinda seem to be clothes more suited for the fall so this fan thinks at least the photoshoot itself took place during the fall. another thing to note in terms of the skeeviness of the agency they'd signed on to, we have momoka talking at the beginning of episode 8 about how they'll move to tokyo and the poster itself even says "Diamond Dust in Tokyo". serbian night is not located in tokyo lol but kawasaki

an important point to make about the serbian night performance, we can speculate momoka was already 18 years old since the serbian night owner says it hasnt even been 2 yrs since he last saw her and in episode 5 momoka is now 20 years old. it's also right before june when shin kawasaki (temp) performs at serbian night (their show is on june 6), so the old DD show must have taken place around summer when momoka was 18 perhaps?

also something to note is that that first poster never got replaced with a newer one UNTIL New Diamond Dust is finally making their debut with hina at the tokyo dome. could it be that their serbian night show didnt do well? maybe that whole DD in tokyo tour didnt do well and talks of becoming an idol band started after that?

so essentially, a whole year passes by from when they first moved to toyko/kawasaki(?) and the serbian night performance from the old DD poster

by the time we're shown flashbacks of diamond dust being forced into the idol outfits, it looks like it might be winter to early spring given their outfits, so momoka is likely 19 already here

one more thing that i've seen various fans across the board speculate is that void may have been written around this time. winter-spring of momoka being 19 would line up with nina just about starting her 2nd year of high school and the entirety of nina's bullying took place during her 2nd year

random aside they brought up is how depressing this must have been for momoka once they got forced into the idol outfits because we already see the other DD members go right along with the change. ai, for example, had already dyed her hair. looks like rin may have as well if that blueish tint to the ends of her hair arent a weird coloration error in this shot

and from here we make it to the summer when momoka was 19 years old where presumably diamond dust was going on tour and nina had bought a ticket to go see them

the tour's canceled and most likely it's because momoka quit around this time so DD had no vocalist and the search for their new vocalist begins

at some point between that summer and well before march of when she's 20 and the show begins, momoka manages to record her own solo album, a copy of which she sells to nina for 100 yen in episode 1

so what was she doing from summer to march of the following year? aside from trying to make it on her own i guess? she barely made it a year before just completely giving up

i want a side manga of what she was up to that whole time so bad lol

[narujenreacts]

MURDER DRONES E7 ANALYZATIONS/THEORIES

Since we're getting MD news today and it will most likely be either another teaser trailer or full trailer for E7 and it will probably reveal some things, I figured I'd list what I've noticed and my theories before then. I would've made a Things I Noticed video on it, but since I'm still finishing up the one for E5 I won't be able to do that. I'll still make it after, but for now, this will have to do! (Note: I posted this on Twitter and YouTube before Glitch posted the new teaser for E7, but forgot to post it here. Whoops lol)

IF YOU WANT TO WAIT UNTIL I COME OUT WITH THE VIDEO DO NOT READ BELOW THIS!!

~E7&8 Teaser~

1. The goopy fleshy covered entrance has most likely been foreshadowed since E4. There was a drawing of it among others with the dead drone that Uzi found under the floor.

2. The yellow light by the box is not a piece of V or a Disassembly Drone. It's just a lantern.

3. Theory: The scenes of N and Uzi going to hug each other and then Uzi hugging N and crying are two separate moments. The first one is going to be more comedic. N and Uzi hear something that scares them and their automatic reaction is to hug each other. Like something out of Scooby Doo. For the second moment N appears to be stiff. Unmoving. Almost as if he's in a trance, shut down, etc. Remember that Uzi has admin control of him and V, so if she wanted to she could most likely put him in SLEEP MODE or the like. Why would she do that? Because she's about to face Cyn/the Absolute Solver (her standing alone in that teaser GiF lends to that) and she doesn't want him to get hurt or worse, so she makes him stay behind. Before she leaves though she gives him one last hug good bye. Hence the crying.

4. N being dragged away. Some have said it looks like what he grabs is Uzi's beanie. From what I can tell, that's not the case. It's just a rock that N accidentally grabs in a panic. If it was Uzi's beanie I believe they would've had him look at it in desperation. As for who he's being dragged by, there's multiple choices. Cyn, Eldritch V, Nori or Yeva. It could even be Uzi. Also, I believe he's being dragged into the same opening that we see in the beginning. The one covered in the goopy flesh stuff. Because I can see part of the same box on the left side and I think the rock is even there on the floor.

5. The shot of the Sentinels chained up. We know Nori treated the Sentinels like "pets", so it wouldn't surprise me that they're hers. This could even be what leads to the teaser image of Nori and Yeva standing in the entrance of the Cathedral.

6. I've seen some say it's the manor from E5. No, it is not. It's a cathedral. The design is completely different from the manor.

7. If you look on the right written in blood are the words "THE END" and "NULL" and there's a drawing of what looks like a corpse spire. You can see these best when the lightning flashes.

8. Nori's locker being closed. The one closing it is Tessa. I can tell not just by her hand, but her bow enters the frame briefly.

9. The moment of N and Uzi turning to look at something. Uzi's left hand light is yellow, which is the same one she breaks/snaps N's hand with in the next shot. This could be after that moment, and this shows she was under the Solver's influence. What also leads me to believe those two shots are connected is the red lighting and their expressions as well as body language. For the lighting, in the first shot Uzi's back is to it. In the second shot, it's N's back. Why the swap? Because between those moments I believe more happens and they move around. Then Uzi snaps out of it, realizes what she did to N's hand and starts apologizing to him. N looks scared of her, because he is, which would make Uzi feel even worse. Guilty. In fact, what if she feels so guilty this is the moment that leads to her making the decision that she needs to face Cyn/the Solver on her own? That shot of Uzi hugging N also has red lighting, and who's back is facing it? Uzi's.

10. The cross Uzi is holding. There was that moment in E5 when Louisa (Tessa's mom) called Cyn "little anti-Christ". Why I think Uzi is holding the cross is because N remembered what Louisa said and tells Uzi to hold it. Or gives it to her. All in the hopes it'll help hold back the Solver's corruption.

~Nori and Yeva Teaser Image~

Not too much to say about this one. We never did see Yeva or Nori actually die. Just Yeva's body in E3 and Khan's comment of "And to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Drones got to her with that nanite acid," in the pilot, so I wasn't too surprised to see they were still alive. However, what does strike me as odd is Yeva's stance and expression. Until this image Yeva has always looked terrified/horrified, so why does she look almost bored in the image? It's odd. Unless she's changed since then. Or...here's a random thought...what if Uzi swapped sentience with her? Lol highly doubt it, but it'd be funny.

~Uzi Standing Alone GiF~

1. Uzi is holding something in her left hand and it shimmers in the light, so it's gotta be something reflective. To me it looks like a necklace. Nori's? Yeva's? Or both?

2. The lights flickering in the background are candles. Who lit them?

3. The thing hanging from the ceiling in the background looks like it's either a lantern or one of those medieval cages.

4. Between Uzi's stance and her possibly holding her mom's necklace, I can see her thinking to herself, 'Don't worry, everyone. I'm going to put an end to this. No matter what.'

~Extra Things~

Cyn's eyes are going to have two small x's for eyes instead of the usual single large X we've seen, which might be a reference to Liam's previous work, Internecion Cube.

I believe current Tessa is either not human or at least not 100% human. Possibly a mix of organic and machine. After all the Solver has consumed human flesh.

[myloveforhergoeson]

i really think one of the craziest parts of btrtv was their school situation like. yeah we never see them in school after the second season but in theory they were getting an education and i simply think the writers handled it in the only way they could. let me explain.

typically young people in the entertainment industry are schooled either through the company they work for or through their parents. obviously, since btrtv was aimed at a younger audience they couldn't just not have the boys go to school - what kind of example would that set for the viewers? moving to hollywood equals never having to learn again?

while i was thinking about this topic earlier i was trying to come up with some different ways the show could have gone about this but managed only a few examples:

jennifer could homeschool them. but when? she's barely at the apartment as is and would have to juggle two different curriculums, one for the boys and one for katie. we already know thanks to bt school of rocque she also isn't caught up on modern schooling practices. plus i feel like, though she is their mother in many ways, she'd have difficulty controlling those 5 for 4 straight hours. i feel like they'd always be able to convince her to run off on a tangent instead of actually teaching them anything. next!

the boys could have been enrolled in regular high school. in theory, this would work for maybe a few months. until their first tour at the very least but after that i believe it would likely be dangerous for them to leave the sanctity of the palm woods or rocque records and venture out into the real world. while this could open up plotlines like people only wanting to be friends with them for their fame, crazy fans finding out where they learn, the boys being in trouble for being a genuine safety risk to other students when the paps follow them to school... seemed like more trouble than it's worth! also pretty similar to the plot of jonas which was airing at the same time on disney channel. next!

school at rocque records... had potential i believe. if gustavo had put the proper amount of funding to a quality space and quality teachers, i think the boys would have (aside from generally hating school) been alright there. while not ideal, it could have served it's purpose for the whole four hours they'd have to spend in school. it's very similar to how most industry kids learn now. in addition, they could have worked hard to graduate early, as many industry kids do, but i also believe this would have been a hard plot point to achieve. overall, i'd rank this option pretty high for the guys - it could have had everything they needed, except for the socialization they so desperately craved. next!

online school? in the early 2000's? yeah right. next!

this brings us to what i see as the final option, being of course, school at the palm woods. while not ideal, it does serve all of the boys needs to the best of the writers abilities. i do, however, feel the need to speak on the quality of education they are being granted. no shade to miss collins, i know that poor woman is doing her best and juggling probably six or seven grades worth of curriculum in her classroom, but as someone who was in a split grade class (4/5 when i was in 4th grade, 5/6 when i was in 5th grade!) i can assure you she was not giving her full attention to any of the grade levels she was trying to teach. i'm so sorry they set you up for failure queen.

while this probably worked out in the end for the guys (logan can snatch all A's and look amazing on college/med school applications and his friends could just coast by on the grades they need to pass) i think the episode in which they come back from tour and earn their final grades speaks the most to the education they're afforded. no way they (logan really) did weeks worth of work in one afternoon and earned straight c's lol. hope the band lasts forever and ever and ever after btrtv ends because if not... yikes.

but at the same time... i think this was the best option for schooling both from a writers perspective and the band's needs! socialization, check! normal school events like dancing, check! adequate enough education (how much do they really learn in four hours anyway?), check! it always fits into their working schedules. and it's union-approved! while not ideal, at the very least it's something.

in all, good luck boys! hope miss collins offers some office hours if you ever have questions... maybe there's a reason we never got to see them graduate <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my best friend I basically want to spend the rest of my life with her?

(This is long, I'm sorry, I'm incapable of shortly summarizing things)

Ok. So. I (26NB/FTM) am not in love with my best friend (25F), I'm ace and either aro or demiromantic (honestly not sure anymore). But I do love her as much as I can love anyone, probably. To the extent that I would want to be in a committed relationship (qpr I guess) with her and genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with her.

The thing is, she's neither aro nor ace and has only recently (last year) started overcoming fears and anxiety enough that she's gone on dates and wants to try having a relationship. It wasn't easy for her to get to this point and her anxiety is still a major thing she deals with, especially now trying to have a relationship. I know she doesn't love me romantically (not that I would particularly want her to) bc I'm firmly in the friend category and she's said that she can't fall in love with friends (though, again, I don't… want her to be in love me? Since I'm not in love with her either).

I want her to have these experiences. We're both still young and while I just don't need or want anything in that regard, I know it's different for her and in a way it's her finally being able to be herself, live for herself and do what she wants (she had a rough childhood and was basically the one raising her little brother). So, I really do want her to have these experiences and I'm not really jealous either bc I know I'm still more important to her ("bros before hoes" and all that, even if the hoes are guys lol). Though I have to admit it's recently been getting harder being genuinely happy for her when things go well with dates and I suppose I'm a little worried how things will be a few years down the line.

But we're very close. We've been friends for 8 years and best friends for almost as long. We tell each other everything. She's the most important person in my life and I'm the most important person in hers. We get mistaken for a couple constantly, at this point I'm pretty sure everyone in our families has at some point thought we're together. My mum basically treats her like a daughter; she's spent the last 3 Christmases with my family. Besides her brother, I'm the only person she truly cares about who she doesn't get anxious about. The reason I'm going to be moving back home after uni is because she still lives in the area; if she lived somewhere else I'd move there (that's not me being one-sidedly codependent btw, she would absolutely do the same). The jokes about how we need to die at the same time bc neither of us would want to live on alone are really only partly jokes.

Now, here's (finally) where I might be an asshole: When we were in school our friend group consisted of four guys, me and her. All the guys had a crush on her, though some she only found out about later. My best friend, at the time, identified as a lesbian (it's bi probably now). The guys knew that. Now this one guy she only found out about last year at a class reunion (I wasn't there) and he was being all weird about how he'd seen all the times they went to the movies together as dates etc. She thought they were jokingly calling those 'dates', we all did. Again, he knew she identified as gay and never actually said anything about being in love with her. He was also giving off incel-y vibes when she talked with him at the class reunion, so there's that.

We talked about that and well, I kinda admitted that there'd been a moment yeaaaaars ago (like 5?6?) where I felt myself fall in love with her and mentally went 'nope, nope, nope, not doing that (falling in love my best friend) again' and then… it didn't happen. Don't know how that worked. Either way, she made me promise if I ever did actually fall in love with her, that I would tell her. We were laughing about it but I know she was serious about that.

I don't plan on telling her though. I meaaaan I'm not in love with her, technically, which yes, I know, she would probably mean this too. But I know that, at least at this point in time, she doesn't want the same things I want and I want her to have these experiences of dating guys and being in a (allo) relationship etc. I don't want our relationship right now to change either and I know she would try to be considerate and I don't need or want that. I don't want her to overthink what she can or can't tell me, I don't mind hearing her talk about the guys she's dating and I want her to still come to me with everything. I know how she works, I've been basically managing her anxiety for years (genuinely do not mind that before anyone comes talking to me about boundaries) and I know I'm one of the few people in her life who try to let her come to her own conclusions/decisions instead of telling her what they think is right and/or what she should do (she's very easily influenced unfortunately and while I do tell her my opinions if she asks for them, I always try to let her come to her own conclusions first). I don't want her to lose all that. I don't want her to suddenly be anxious about me either, that is genuinely the last thing I would ever want.

TLDR: My best friend made me promise her that I would tell her if I fell in love with her, which I'm technically not, but I do want to spend the rest of my life with her & would want to be in a (queerplatonic) committed relationship with her. I don't want to tell her bc I know it's not what she wants, at least right now, and I want her to make her own experiences and I don't want our relationship to change with this.

AITA for not telling her I would want to be in a (queerplatonic) relationship with her?

What are these acronyms?

[xplrvibes]

some people on twitter are getting really mad at colby for apparently ‘ditching’ shea for his new girl saying shit like oh he led shea on and now he’s pushed her away lol

they’re fully acting like he’s committed an awful crime like why are they cancelling him 😭

(side note - i’m actually, whole heartedly convinced that half of the fandom genuinely hates colby and everything he does fills them with rage lmfao)

This is going to be a one and done, on this topic. I don't like Shea, don't like what she's doing. Never did like her, as you all know, because she has been an absolutely awful and manipulative bully and generally trash person over the years and I don't want her taking up too much space on my blog because of it.

But I felt the need to just put this out there before I move on, so here we go, behind a cut for anyone who doesn't want to hear it lol.

You know, I find this whole "taking Shea on her word all of a sudden" thing interesting.

According to Shea, they had a 10 year (even though he was still living in Kansas 10 years ago) "on-again, off-again thing" that was "mostly just talking" and was "never official," although it was "almost dating, but not official" for 2 years (even though there hasn't been a 2 year period where Colby hasn't been at least seeing someone, if not hooking up).

She doesn't seem to know any of his friends and not a single one of them follow her on socials - in fact, most of them unfollowed her several years back. Of particular note is the fact that Sam, after all these years of her being Colby's future wife, still hasn't followed her back...but has followed several of the other girls Colby's been linked to over the years, including M.

She never seems to have a clue about what is going on in his life and has been promising (and not delivering) fans content with Colby for years now - including her telling everyone that her and Colby were going somewhere to film a documentary in January of this year when Colby had already told everyone on xplrclub that he and Sam were going to be in Vegas or in Texas filming in all of Jan and then in Australia for most of Feb. She promised to have him on one her streams on a day when he was actually in Hawaii, then another day when he was actually in Kansas visiting family.

She hasn't been invited to a single party or group gathering of theirs since 2019, save for one time when she visited Colby and Sam in Las Vegas - which came across as very awkward, given the above.

She complained about never getting invited to snc's Halloween parties - you know, the ones that have 500-1,000 invitees and snc have claimed include an invite to every single person they know and are friends with? Yet Colby's soul mate gets left on the list somehow, 6 years running?? (One year he had four different past flings there at once. But the future Mrs. Shea Brock just didn't make the cut somehow)

Oh, bonus: she once told a gc full of her fans that Colby asked her out, but she turned him down because she valued the friendship too much. Funny how those turns tabled.

Colby meanwhile, has never hidden that he considers himself single, does not think he's met "the one," uses Raya to find dates, hooks up and has flings....he's not just pretending to be single, he IS single.

So. to recap: They have had a 10 year friendship and emotional bond that Shea deluded herself into thinking was more. Colby comes around her again after having had a cancer that could've easily rendered him unable to have children, and her grand idea is to tell this guy she freely admits she was never even dating that she wants to cash in on some vague promise he may or may not have actually made to her about getting married and having CHILDREN???

I'd have left her ass, too.

But sure. He's the bad guy. By the way, to hear Shea tell it, Colby did the same thing to her that Sam did to Kat. But all the people trashing Colby were the first ones in line to defend Sam from big bad mean Kat and her hurtful words because "he wasn't ready" and wah wah wah. Isn't that funny...and on par.

So yes, lol. Most of the people pissed about this are using any excuse put in front of them to trash Colby cause that is the only enjoyment they get out of life. Trust me when I say they are backing the wrong horse with Shea. She's not the hero victim y/n sainted good girl she pretends to be.

[hikennosabo]

trimax vol 10 random thoughts (ch 5-8)

part 1 here.

okay, time for part 2. i don't want to do this, i have a pit in my stomach.

chapter 5:

destroying razlo's punishers... a good strategy!

getting leverage to jump by stepping on his leg, i love it

you could say he. he was. *wheeze*... i guess you could say he was... ...disarmed... [a comically large hook drags me off the stage]

wolfwood and razlo just met today (not technically but y'know), but he can read razlo so well already, taunting him like this.

THIS FIGHT...!!! it's reminding me of vash vs knives in the finale of the 98 anime! one black gun and one white gun, and them being on even ground, making the same moves...

they're an even match when they're just whaling on each other, but wolfwood has tactics that razlo doesn't. also this is an insanely cool move.

chapter 6:

^ how it feels to read trigun maximum (said again)

^ how it feels to read trigun maximum (said for a third time)

he knows wolfwood is dying. we know wolfwood is dying. he can't do anything to stop it. we can't do anything to stop it. (except for refusing to keep turning the pages, i guess)

THEY HAVE NAMES?

vash can't do anything to stop wolfwood from dying, but he can help wolfwood go out on his own terms...

PLEASE, HE'S ALREADY DYING, WE DON'T NEED YET ANOTHER DEATH FAKEOUT FOR THE BOOKS.

livio interfering... i'm not an expert but this is not how DID works. but sure. the drama carries it.

WHY AND HOW IS CHAPEL STILL ALIVE FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

razlo realizes very fast that chapel never cared. despite his verbal denial, i think he was realizing way before this.

DESERVED!!! YES.... KILL!!!!!!

of course razlo can only attack. attack, like how he killed livio's parents. not that chapel doesn't deserve it, but this is the only thing razlo knows how to do.

ough. livio apologizing... "i'm okay now"...

so is razlo just gone now? like i said, i'm not a DID expert, i know re-integration(? not sure if that's the correct term sorry) is possible, but i don't know if this is how it works...

honestly, i feel bad for razlo. he only knew a life of violence, he was manipulated and indoctrinated by chapel, all he wanted was to be needed but his last experiences are finding out that chapel didn't care about him and then livio telling him he doesn't need him anymore. poor guy.

chapter 7:

oh, no, i don't want to read this chapter again. don't make me read this chapter again.

the difference between this and tristamp... stamp had the orphanage much more directly tied to EoM, and a bunch of guys in suits came to pick wolfwood up. this scene is a lot more "normal," a lot less obviously suspicious. idk if i'd go so far as to say stamp!melanie was in on the whole thing, but she doesn't look happy about wolfwood leaving... i do wonder how stampede will handle all this... ANYWAY!

"six years"... lmao. now i understand what people meant when they said the timeline is confusing. it's killing me and i hate it, actually?! nightow ALL you had to do was NOT specify a number!!!

the coins... i constantly forget about them and i find it funny whenever they're brought up... they were so clearly meant to set the ghg up as a shonen battle enemy-of-the-month type thing but then that got thrown off the rails when the magazine ceased publication and everything got turned upside down. yet the coins persist. what are they all for in the end.

also i'm sad. this is wolfwood's paltry attempt at pushing vash away. (also he's been carrying rai-dei's coin this whole time?! lol?! that's also sad... just waiting to give it to vash i guess...)

"this is the way you want it? are you sure?" i'm just fucking inconsolable at this point.

of course this attempt at sincere emotion is deflected. you boys are so, so, so, so, so stupid.

i can't do this man. i can't review the couch scene. i'm crying too much.

the prayer. this especially is getting to me. we've seen wolfwood pray a few times, but now it's vash's turn to pray. we've never seen him do that. and while vash was there to answer wolfwood's prayer... there is no one to answer vash.

what if i climbed into the microwave right fucking now.

ourgh. out of all the images in this chapter, this is the one that stuck with me the most. even more than the couch images. ugh, i can't even fucking write.

chapter 8:

i don't know where else to say this...? lol but livio's personality is different, he's cute now. is this because he broke out of the EoM brainwashing or because he integrated with(???) razlo? (once again: IS this how this works???) or is it both? either way he's a lot more expressive than he was before...

other people have already talked about how we didn't see the burial. i'm also thinking about everything else we didn't see. vash buried wolfwood, and he also cleaned up outside, brought livio in and laid him down, gathered ingredients and started cooking...

how long did he sit on that couch for before he moved. how much and how hard did he cry. we didn't see that either. we don't need to.

knives. he's smearing blood on his face again.

his laughter... i don't think he finds this funny like "haha funny" necessarily, i think he's just losing it.

vash defends the orphanage and knives doesn't even push it. he just moves on. hmm, i'm trying to articulate this... vash's display of power used up more of his life, which knives noticed obviously, and vash is willing to go that far to protect the orphanage... knives still doesn't want vash to die, and... he's laughing out of disbelief, or something like that. i don't know.

vash and livio sharing a meal together is... it's nice. but vash is still clearly very angry. with livio, with razlo, with himself too probably.

i don't know. i'm not angry with livio or razlo at all. they were both victims of chapel same as wolfwood. this is all chapel's fault in my mind, lol.

oh.

we're gonna see this in stampede too, aren't we. wolfwood will die for a third time and we're gonna see vash holding the punisher.

the fact that this volume doesn't even have the goofy author extra... we're just forced to sit with this. man. the book club wasn't kidding, it's so much worse the second time around. the first time i cried a little but i was mostly just taking it all in. the second time i was like actually heaving and sobbing. reading this volume twice within a few days was a BAD IDEA.

AND WE STILL HAVE FOUR VOLUMES LEFT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ON AFTER THIS. four entire volumes without wolfwood...

[snowandwolves]

hihihihihhi it's lengthy ask anon i am running off of too little sleep (nightmares still ugh) but also good news which is a danger combination lol

so part of how i've been dealing with my sleeplessness is rereading some of the lighthouse au until i finally feel fine enough to go back to sleep. so! questions. that you don't have to answer. really!

why did Bea never know she talks in her sleep? also, does Ava ever try to have a full on conversation with her?

Cam and Ava talk about the benefits of hugging a tree and with all the pine reference i have to know: has Ava ever hugged a pine tree??

when Mary almost asks Ava about moving in with Bea, do you think Bea had talked about it with her friends beforehand? like a am-i-being-too-lesbian worry?

what's something Bea and Ava eventually fight about? (and do they follow that "order" for making up)

do you think Chanel ever designs something for Jillian? how about Ava?

from last time - how you handled the main plot and subplots was amazing - did you have one of those (*virtual?) murder board-esque things to help visualize things? (*i'd never thought of using notion for fiction work!!)

i think i've reached my caffeine limit for the day i hope you are getting better sleep than i am! here's to having the crispiest vegetable of your preference! (i.e. not celery lol)

I’M ALIVE AND STILL EMPLOYED IDK HOW BUT OK 💀 hi hello, lengthy ask anon. how’s the nightmares? i hope they’ve left you alone? am i gonna have to have a Serious Talk with whichever god’s in charge of that? 😤 pls lemme know. but! i sincerely hope you’ve been sleeping since you sent this 🥺

and now (finally, idk how long it’s been), answers!

1. this… is a good question LMAO maybe no one brought it up to her cos she might get embarrassed? OR bea wakes up too early for anyone to catch her in the act 😂 and yes, i’d think ava would definitely try to have a full conversation with her like “bea, bea, what’s the weather like” and bea just randomly spouts temperature numbers and sea condition. or like “bea what’s your favorite sex position?”, which ends up with bea having a rather scandalous dream, much to ava’s amusement 😂

2. i’d say yes!!! except she hugs the smaller ones and ends up with pine needles everywhere. bea’s exasperated but ava just shrugs and says, “worth it.” on that note, hug a tree people. it’s fucking soul-healing.

3. oh, definitely. camila gives her twinkle eyes, mary’s like “what the fuck does that even mean, too lesbian”, and lilith doesn’t even dignify it all with a response 😂 which is to say… her friends weren’t any help at all.

4. i think it’d be something simple cos they’re good at talking to each other about their feelings. so stuff like ava leaving her shoes a mess by the front door, which means beatrice keeps tripping on them, or bea’s tendency to overpack, which almost makes them late for their trips. they’d snipe at each other because they’re human (bea: “what’s so difficult about putting your shoes away, ava?” and ava: “what the hell would you need a sewing kit for, bea?”) and probably get too irritated until one of them realizes it’s a ridiculous thing to fight about. probably won’t always make up through sex because bea got a concussion the last time she tripped on ava’s shoes and there was no time for even a quickie when they almost missed their flight, but someone will make a joke and they’ll laugh about it at least. (this… got unintentionally soft 😂)

5. omg, yes!!! what if they attend a gala and ava’s whole fam is wearing chanel’s clothes? literally A+++ publicity and just about launches chanel in the spotlight 😌 jillian in a suit and ava in a dangerous dress, what more can you ask for 🔥

6. lengthy ask anon, i had notion and phone notes and paper charts and i even tried using this free mind mapping thing just to keep track of everything 😂 i went full-on type A on this thing. i even had a mood board. and a playlist. and 2847293 drafts. i have so much content idk what to do with these now 💀

lettuce! i’ve been having so much lettuce! but omg pls, i really hope you’re sleeping well now 🥺 as always, thank you so, so much for this! literally the best thing to do after somehow crawling out of hell LMAO

[tinygumdrops]

Hey I wanted to say how much i love your fics. Kagehina is my go to pairing and your fics have a quality maybe like what one anon said abt Ghibli. I keep longing to read something like tht, a setting that steals your heart like a book cover that intrigues you and you want to be sucked into the verse. There's the melancholy to it, then a feeling akin to reading haikyuu itself. As nostalgic, refreshing and that you achieved something in life. Your Brazil shoyo is something imprinted in my heart. It's a blessing u write for kagehina. Ik u don't ship them and some anon even implied abt how annoying kghn fans were lol still I'd love to say hah but she gets their dynamics so good or yayyy she writes for kagehina. Your recent nyc fic blew my mind away. I got chills reading the last part abt hinata like YOU GET HIM. How do you nail characters WITH setting so well?? The environment we grow up in is so important to shape our views Like nyc Brazil Japan literally you are amazing! Also do you have any hc for Kageyama in Italy👀

Also if you ever right og fiction, I'm ur number one fan. You will have so many fans with your content! Sorry for long ask sjshjjshhjjj

Take care.

Hello, anon!!! And *sobs* thank you!!!! My fics are just a drop in the incredibly immense ocean of works in the fandom, but I'm glad my stories found you and resonated with you so much. It's such a huge accomplishment ;-; ;-; ;-;

AHHHH you want me to share my headcanons of Kageyama in Italy? Well, DON'T MIND IF I DO :D

Kageyama lived with Ali Roma's assistant coach (I've always liked the name Gino, so let's go with that) for his first year in Serie A to help him integrate better. Gino's eldest son moved away to Antwerp for university so he had the spare room. A portion of Kageyama's starting salary was supposed to go to Coach Gino for his living expenses, but Gino insisted for Kageyama to use that money to buy stuff for himself instead since he brought so little when he came to Italy. In return, Kageyama helped with mowing the lawn and walking the dogs and washing the dishes. Gino had two other boys, Elio (7) and Dino (6), and they took turns harassing Kageyama into playing football with them in their backyard. Kageyama usually acquiesced if they played volleyball with him afterwards.

When he became more comfortable with the language and the people, Kageyama moved out of Gino's home during his second year, much to the family's dismay. Especially Elio and Dino---they were buzzing around Kageyama like wasps when he was straightening his luggage at the doorstep ("Are you leaving us because I kept stealing your team jackets?" Dino asked mournfully. "No," Kageyama said, totally bewildered at the children's tear-streaked faces). Little did they know that Kageyama rented an apartment so comically close to their home, just three blocks away from theirs.

One time during a match against Perugia, Kageyama had this disconcerting feeling that something was wrong with his vision. He consulted with the team's doctor, who referred him to an ophthalmologist. He found out he had a mild case of myopia (nearsightedness); it wasn't serious and he didn't need any corrective lenses, but Kageyama badgered the poor doctor with questions that the consult lasted for an hour and a half. The doctor gave him an extensive list on how to prevent it from getting worse: diet, exercise, less screentime, and loads and loads of sunshine. So now, Kageyama spent most of his free time outdoors: cycling, running, mountain climbing, reading sports monthly magazines at the park, playing pick-up games with his teammates, or walking Gino's dogs around the neighborhood. Whenever Kageyama's parents called to check on him, he was always out and about. It surprised them at first; they hadn't known their son to be the outdoor-sy type, but it did put their mind at ease. Kageyama had always been noticeably more cheerful when he's under the sun.

Beat reporters found Kageyama particularly frustrating to interview, though they weren't sure if it was a matter of his personality, his nationality, him being media-trained af by the team's comms department, or all three. Talented and an exciting player on the orange court, for sure, but outside of it he rarely had anything interesting to say. Always calm, always poised, always with the cliché responses. He was once ambushed in a family restaurant by a sports podcaster who asked for his opinion about the sudden spike in female Ali Roma fans, and Kageyama answered with a cool, "Volleyball is the greatest sport in the world. I'm glad more people are realizing that now and tuning in to our games. I'm grateful for any support the sport and our team gets, wherever it's coming from". ("Gah, he's so unaffected!" the podcaster grieved. "No girls, no scandalous rendezvous, no skeevy thoughts, no openings, nada. Zero. Zilch. Like what the hell? Is he a cyborg? It's always volleyball 100%.").

But one journalist sniffed around Kageyama's early career happenings and she managed to find something that'd generate a reaction. Compare Kageyama's stats to a certain undersized Japanese player in Brazil's Superlega, and you'd find unassailable proof that Kageyama Tobio is, indeed, human ("Yeah? And how many service aces and solo blocks does he have?" Kageyama scoffed when the reporter said his longtime rival held São Paolo's team lead in kills and total swings. "Not that many, I'm sure. Not that I watch his games anyway.").

[nonbinaryvee]

1. How long have you been into hypnosis?

Over 20 years im 35, aol chat and latch key kid lol

2. Describe your first experience with hypnosis

A child therapist when I was 6 or 7

3. Are there any TV shows/movies/books you liked when you were younger that you think got you into hypnosis?

Multiple - one early memory is of the droopy cartoon and Elvira brainwashes him, also the schooby do ghoul school movie brainwashing bat headphones, the snake in jungle book iant a hard hitting memory.

4. Are you primarily a hypnotist or a subject?

Subject but am adapt as a tist

5. Are you primarily a dom/me or a sub?

Super duper submissive lol like it's embarrassing

6. What do you love about being hypnotised?

The loss of anxiety, my brain being "off", and the submission relates to it.

7. What do you love about hypnotising people?

I actually really enjoy training or coaching, so Im not dominant but love helping someone achieve thier goals. I see it a lot like a service.

8. How do you feel when hypnotised?

When I'm really deep I'm absent like totally disassociation. Like floating in water almost with the reverberation of the water

9. How do you feel when you hypnotise someone else?

Like when I zone out playing a video game, I need to hit the right buttons to win the game. So I get self tranced kinda.

10. Are you a difficult subject?

Yes and no. Im super easy to drop, enjoy, and play with. However my subconscious is pretty wild, and hard to pin down into a focused direction. So long term results may very lol..

11. What’s your ‘signature move’ as a hypnotist?

Doing what the subject wants, staying very in limits, and leaving the subject with a deep enjoyment of water. Actually enjoying the taste of possible...cause it's almost sadistic to make anti hydrating people hydrate lol

12. What’s your favourite kind of hypnotic induction?

Consented to conversational hypnosis that leads into Ericksonian themed guidance.

13. Do you like visual fixation (on spirals, eyes, swinging objects etc.) for hypnosis?

I love it lol. But sometimes it's better for bdsm rp hypnosis and less for getting good results.

14. What are your favourite kinds of hypnosis play?

I really enjoy fetish creation and accidental self help for others. For me...well, I like hard kinks cnc addition, memory play, corruption, if I had irl hypno dom ild be pretty free use..

15. What other kinks do you like to incorporate into your hypno play?

Pet play, equipment, feminization, toilet play,.identity play, all sorts. It could literally make any scene more fun for me. It's my number one kink.

16. For you, is the appeal of hypnosis primarily sexual or not?

It's both relaxing, a hobby, and sexual. It's kinda just my favorite thing lol

17. What are some post-hypnotic suggestions you particularly enjoy (for others or yourself)?

I love simple pleasure triggers. .good girl is so classic, good boy, good pet , those are just the best.

18. Describe your best experience involving hypnosis

My long term enjoyment of Bambi files.

19. Describe a bad experience you had involving hypnosis? Why was it bad? Why did it go wrong?

I worked with a subject over the course of months, experimenting with hypnosis capabilities, we decided to try and have their hair color change through natural causes. What ended up happening was that their subconscious took over, made them go into what.thwy described as "drone mode" even tho that had never been a theme we used. And purchased hair dye, almost got kicked out of their home as they were just 19 and parents hadn't accepted them as fem. It was pretty scary and not meant to ever become unsafe for them, we took a few days to de program her entirely after that. And then she ghosted me. I understand why, even though it was all consented to, I learned a lot about the limits of hypnosis.

20. What’s one tip you have for other hypnotists/subjects?

Every one's sensations are hyper individualistic as a newer subject. The one thing I'd want both sets to know, is that new subjects should not be directed to feel anything like heavy or light or floaty. Just say trance or hypnosis, then identify the feeling they associate to trance. This is the number issue i see, new subjects feel like failures because they're sensations don't line up with the guides suggestions this loosing faith and trust in the trancing process. And for hypnotists it's probably just because of troupes and the average trance script as those things in them.

21. Do you have any tips for how to negotiate hypnosis play?

It has to be consented to before scene starts.period. consent is sexy. Even if it's premising cnc. Communication is key to any relationship, and kinky dynamics are just that personified. Having an understanding of what the subjects long term wants are important with hypnosis play, also it has to be stared that deep real hypnosis is a R.A.C.K practice if done right. If the subject is blanking an entire trance, that's akin to needing a trip nanny while using hallucinating on illicit things. Like asphyxiation play, public humiliation, and a few others hypnosis can have out-of-the-scenes consequences. Hence why knowing your subjects over all goals for interaction is sooo important. Do they want an escape? Or do they want to loose human rights(in a kinky consenting way for 24/7 pets).

22. Do you like your hypnosis to involve power exchange, or not?

I enjoy it when I'm the subject but avoid it as the hypnotist

23. For you, how does hypnosis fit into a relationship? Just in the bedroom, or as part of BDSM relationship?

It can be both. Or one or the other. It's such a dynamic activity I would personally hate to limit it.

24. Are you interested in a 24/7 hypnotic enslavement relationship?

Yes. Way more than a healthy amount lol.

25. Have you ever experienced strong, sudden feelings for a hypnotist/subject? How did you deal with that?

Yes. It's kinda normal for me for anyone who's nice to me, for me to immediately dive deep. I just roll with it when it's not reciprocated as it's the sop at this point lol

26. Are you interested in hypnotising/being hypnotised by people of a gender you are not attracted to?

So as a pansexual... n/a lol. But I do prefer feme people so getting tranced by masq people? Still yes lol

27. What’s your favourite work of hypnosis erotica?

There was a omniscient therapy story that was great lol but don't get to read much

28. What’s your favourite spiral?

The ones in my DMs lol is there a bad one?

29. What’s your favourite hypno-themed image/caption/piece of art?

I really enjoy the indie artists that just randomly have hypno smut plastered online. They all deserve oral for their valiant efforts to keep the masses under hypnotic horny controls

30. What’s your favourite audio file/audio file producer?

Hmmm 🤔 platinum puppets is winning right now .

31. What’s your favourite book/movie/TV show that includes hypnosis?

Hmmm anime lol

32. Describe your biggest fantasy involving hypnosis?

The hole 10 yards honestly, life take over. For me, getting actually kidnapped and changed to their liking

33. Do you have any fantasies about non-consensual hypnosis? Describe them

...yes...waking up to pictures getting taken of me then blanking out again, waking up in a pink room and not being able to.focus, then it starts again. Then getting shown all the porn I've been made into while not in trance. Simple private messages with no description, hypnosis files linked and told to listen with no knowledge of the script. So many ways to give my mind away 🤤

34. What’s one fictional character you’ve fantasised about hypnotising/being hypnotised by?

Poison ivy

35. Do you like intelligence loss/bimbofication hypnosis? Why?

Probably my favorite. I can't stop thinking. About things wildly out of my control. Also choices give me anxiety. You know who doesn't do that? Dumb bimbos

36. Do you like amnesia play? Why?

Yes, it's just an intense rush being unaware of my own actions..a loss of control able to be identified internally. It's like the control is inside me. And it's lovely

37. Do you like freeze triggers? Why?

Yes and no .they just don't really feeze my body.

38. Do you like pleasure triggers? Why?

Mmmmmmmm yeah. For one good girl is a trigger I cant stop. At all. It happens 100%. No choice so it s just fun. But who doesn't want pleasure??? Like obvious

39. Do you like alternate personalities created through hypnosis? Why?

Not really. I don't wish my natural state on any one. It's hard

40. Do you like feminization hypnosis? Why?

Yes. Its such a nice thing for trans fems. And honestly it just a great way to do forced.fem link scenes

41. Have you ever experienced a “hands-free” orgasm as a result of hypnosis?

No, 😔😔😔 but the amount of leaking and throbbing without touching is wild

42. Which famous person do you think has the most hypnotic voice?

Tom Hiddleston

43. If you make hypnosis content, what’s your favourite piece of content you’ve made?

I don't yet but plan on it

44. Have you ever used hypnotic conditioning to help you or someone else with a part of your/their life?

Bambi files helped me accept myself as non binary trans fem. And have helped many people get better healthy lifestyles myself

45. Have you ever been to a hypnosis convention? Did you enjoy it, or not? Why?

I have not..but wow does that sound fun.

46. How has being involved with hypnosis/the hypno community improved your life?

Out of all the communities online, hypnosis is the most accepting of extreme thoughts that don't translate to extreme actions. Being able to express things and explore in a safe community has been life saving for me multiple times over the years.

47. What is one thing about the hypnosis community you think could change for the better?

Hhmmm I wish hypno therapy practicers were more willing to help the hypno kink community be ethical and just ban hammer it so much from open discussion.

48. Who is one person in the hypno community you really admire?

Mind Mistress. Old but gold. And her team in the 2000s was just the best thing ever

49. What is your favourite hypnosis-themed blog on tumblr?

Neural Nets and pretty patterns is solid. I dont know much about the creators. But the content is on point.

[legacyshenanigans]

I was bored and I found a

"Questions nobody asks"

Thing on the Internet, and I wanna do it 🤣 could consider it as a "get to know me" thing, I guess, haha. Gonna undercut though, because its kinda long. 🤍

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Who the fuck goes to sleep with their closet doors open?! 🤣

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Ew no haha, because they tend to be shitty shampoos and conditioners. I'm very particular with what I put on my hair.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Out, I would feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable if my sheets were tucked in, I move around a lot in bed hahaha.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

Not a street sign no, I stole one of those big umbrellas from outside a pub once though🤣

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

Not really. No reason to.

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

Nope.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

I'm terrified of bees and wasps and shit like that hahaha, but I reckon my chance of survival would be higher with a swarm of bees?

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

I do, under my makeup haha.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Nope. 🤣

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

People trying to talk to me when I have earphones in. A VERY quick way to get on my fuckin nerves.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

No? 🤣

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

Yes. 🤣

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

.....Yes. 😅 (while camping in the middle of nowhere, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go)

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERE’S NO MUSIC PLAYING?

All the time. 🤣

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

I used to. Not so much these days.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Well, I'm in a monogamous relationship, sooooo. One, lol.

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

King.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Helicopter Girl - Satan's Seventh Bride.

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Yeah? Sure? Why not?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

Yesssss.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

I can't even remember the name of it! Me and my mum are big horror fans, and we hunt for horror films together, and it was your standard, stereotypical folk move into a house. House is spooky. Spooky things happen ect. ect. ect. But it was FUCKING SHITE! 🤣 So THAT hahaha.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE, IF YOU HAD SOME?

Near a tree in a woods, then I'd leave a vague note just saying "Its under a tree in *name of woods* " 🤣 That's ALOT of ground to search, hahaha.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

Depends on what I'm eating.

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

I'm a Tommy K gal. 🤣

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

I fucking LOVE Kinder Buenos.

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

The HP films.

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

My fella.

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

I went to Rainbows when I was a little kid, then I went to Brownies (similar kinda thing as Scouts) but I ended up leaving brownies after only going twice because I HATED one of the brownie leader women 🤣

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

Sure, why not? Haha.

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

It's been a lonnnnng time since I've written a letter to someone. Phones exist now, haha.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

Yeah.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Nope.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

Nope.

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Sandwiches in general are top tier scran, but I like meaty big ones 🤣

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

A can of redbull and a cigarette. 🤣

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

Depends on my sleeping pattern, sometimes a good 10/11pm sometimes 5/6am. 🤣🤣

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Yes. Ain't even gonna lie lmao.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

I mentioned above that my mum likes horror, so she would dress me as things like Vampires, Werewolves, The Devil, general monsters haha, which is funny to me because we'd usually all go trick or treating together with my friends and their mums, and my friends would always be things like princess's lmao.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Is that the same as Zodiac? I believe I'm the Rooster.

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

Two.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

In 2023? No lol.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

Wtf are lincoln logs?! Hahaha. Legos.

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

Absolutely.

44. WHO IS BETTER: KIMMEL OR FALLON?

Who?

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

Nah.

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

Nah I'm pretty good with heights.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

Every damn time. 🤣

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

I don't actually haha, hum maybe, but not sing.

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

As a passenger, yeah, sometimes.

50. EVER USED A GUN?

Yeah.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

At my last day of HS party (Prom basically)

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

I just HATE musicals tbh. 🤣

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Not really.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

What? 🤣

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Cherry!

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Honestly, I can't remember 😅

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

100%, I've seen one, don't expect people to believe me, but I know what I saw.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

All the time!!

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

No, but I probably should lmao.

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

Fuckin love a good pair of slippers.

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATHROBE?

Yeah.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Depends on the weather.

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Nickelback 😅 (DON'T JUDGE ME!)

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR AMAZON?

Well, can't lie, 2 outta 3 of those we don't have in my country haha.

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

Adidas.

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Cheetos because I dunno wtf Fritos are haha.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

Peanuts!

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP BLACK PINK?

Nope.

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

Nope.

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

It was never something I thought about, infact when I first met my fella I had no idea what he did for work, and never asked because it wasn't important to me 🤣 turned out he had a very good job and I was just like "Oh OK cool" haha.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Yeah.

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

I've never competed in one.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

Yessss 🤣

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

Like Vinyl? I do actually haha, some Iron Maiden ones.

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

My mum and Dad did. I don't.

76. DO YOU REGULARLY DIFFUSE OILS?

Yeah, daily, I love that shit haha.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yeah :)

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

Honestly, I don't really know, too many haha.

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

It's been a while, but I went to a rock and blues weekend festival thing last year.

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

Neither.

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Neither.

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Don't know what either of those are 🤣 but Snickerdoodles sound DELICIOUS haha.

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

Yeah I'm pretty decent.

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Yeah.

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

NOOOOO 🤣

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

Band.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

Yeah a few in my time haha.

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

Define plastic surgery haha. I've had lip fillers a few times? Nothing crazy. Is that classed as PS though?

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

NEITHER 🤮🤮 URGH.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

I used to be able to, been a long time since I have.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

The living room.

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Yeeeeah one day, but we're chill. I'm engaged.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

I'm not, yet.

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

Oh my god, there was this lad called Jordan in my HS...He would like, tease me all the time though, I would call it "Soft bullying" 🤣 and I LOVED him LMFAO! 😅 I think thats why I like guys who can be abit of a bastard haha.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

Not really. But I'm a very "Babyyyyyyy? Can I get this?" Kinda gal, to get what I want 😅😅

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Not yet.

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

I'd like to yeah.

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Purple.

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

Not really.

~

[thisnightissparkling089]

What are your biggest hopes for season 6?

Ahh, so many that I fear I'm asking for too much and setting my expectations too high and thus, setting myself up for disappointment. But it's been sooo long since we had new scenes. Alas, here are my hopes.

-Sharing your view in Jenna's pregnancy not being brought into the show. Between Alyssa and Mekia, we've had three unexpected pregnancies in 2.5 seasons. It's to be expected when you have married women in their 30's on a show, but it's been a lot. And quite honestly, I don't think a Bailan pregnancy would make sense. Nolan and Jess broke up because he was so on the fence about having another kid and starting over. He's even older now and I personally think he and Bailey enjoy a child free life evidenced by the episode where the power goes out and everyone comes to stay at their place and they sneak off to the Four Seasons. I am thrilled for Jenna and Steve, but personally I hope they film around this.

-Finally getting to see the big bad explained!

-I REALLY (and here's where I think I'm setting myself up for disappointment) want more scenes shown rather than told when it comes to "sexy time". There are ways to shoot/alude to sex that are tasteful. We saw it in the scene the first Tim and Lucy start to hook up. The laundry room, the whole "I was going to tell you, but then you got in the shower, and then I got in the shower", the awkward hugs, it just doesn't feel natural and it bugs me. I don't know what's causing it, but I do hope for more romance this season.

-I want Aaron to live, I think that's a given!

-As much as Elijah annoys the crap out of me, I do want to see where things lead between him and Oscar. Oscar's a downright sociopath and he did stab Wesley, but he and Nolan are pretty chummy, and I wonder if it'll be like one of those situations where Oscar becomes territorial. IE those are my people and only I can fuck with them.

-I know it's not likely to happen, but man, I miss Silas. He was so sweet and had a great sense of humor!

-I'd love to see Vanessa Chen make another appearance, especially now that Lucy's dating Tim.

-Tamara in whatever scenes, as long as she's not getting between Tim and Lucy😅

-Tim acknowledging and admitting that he, Lucy, and Tamara are a family and live together, lol.

-And, I'm going to add here basically everything you said, because it's all what I want too! The I love you, moving in together, my boy kojo (because where has he been??) Genny finally naming her second kid, and just allowing Celina and Aaron to be platonic bffs because we just don't see enough of that on tv.

Thanks for asking!

[avocate-assia-dazai]

Day 6: Waking up next to a dead body

Author's note: It's been truly long since i write anything. It's just an old text i finally end up (yeap i m going to continue my writtober's list). Who know maybe i'll post a bit more~

Synopsis: I think everything is in the title. The protagonist wake up next to a dead body under a beautiful night.

Number of words: a bit more then 1k (i write less? I'm surprise, but honestly vocabulary feel missing in this langage lol)

One inspiration, then another. I was breathing dead and suffocating alive. It was as if for me everything was meaningless, life was nothing but emptiness and despair. The only break here was pain and suffering. Death was the redemption i was chasing. Nothing should have happened this way. But everything did happened this way. Sometimes I have to tilt, and this time I bow. Even something as simple as death must not want me. The blood was cold, yet it had been boiling a second ago. I wondered if everyone had such cold, viscous blood, and yet so pleasant almost comforting.

I gazed up at the moon above me, looking straight into my eyes, the only witness to my agonizing desire. If she could speak, she'd probably laugh at my incompetence, or perhaps show some sympathy, some pity? But who am I to expect the Moon to take even the slightest interest in my miserable existence? I cut short this contact to turn away from this one-way exchange of eyes contact.

Feeling the blood stick to my skin as I rolled onto my side, the breeze cooling my envelope. The smell I hadn't noticed until now filled my nostrils. A metallic air, complex to describe, I'd never smelled anything like it, yet I couldn't escape the sent that surrounded me. This icy, nauseating air made me smile. Just a moment before I'd felt it as soft and warm. I decided to look at her, and delicately stretched out my fingers to touch her cold cheek.

She loved life so much. She did everything she could to make me contemplate the beauty behind what was my torment. All to make me stay by her side a little longer. But I loved death so much that I did everything to achieve my deliverance. To leave her as soon as possible. Finally, despite all her efforts, the heart of the one who wanted to live had stopped moving. As for the one who wanted to die, hers had never beaten so hard.

My gaze slid over the hole in her chest. Would the inside of my body resemble to that too? Could someone so alive hide the same emptiness as someone already dead? If I were to open myself in two, wouldn't I discover that behind this skin, already hammered by my desires, lies an even more putrid flesh that hides nothing human, nothing alive? I lifted my face just enough to take a closer look at the abyss, where the burgundy liquid had stopped pouring out.

"Why did you take that bullet, even though I was the one holding the gun?”

I wasn't waiting for an answer, I already knew it perfectly well. The answer that made me cringe at the mere thought of it: "Don't you think there are lots of beautiful things you haven't seen yet?” It was stupid, ridiculous, wasn't there just a lot of horrible things I hadn't suffered from yet? That single bullet I'd struggled so hard to find, she'd snatched it from me, stolen it from me, hoping to make me feel guilty. It was my dream she had snatched away, plunging me into her nightmare.

I tried to run away, to believe, to understand. But there was nothing to understand, nothing to try, nothing good to expect. For me, nothing had value. When I was surrounded by those I loved, paranoia cut off all breath. I never felt more alone than when I was laughing alongside them, unable to follow any conversation. But I hated being without company just as much, left with the person I loved and hated most: myself. I don't know what was worse than myself. Only suffering was powerful enough to occupy my mind enough to make me forget how detestably me I was.

Suffering, even it fled from me, leaving me alone to face reality. When I was about to fire that bullet, the only person with whom I could allow myself to be as much me as I wanted without risking a look of incomprehension, had snatched my deliverance.

I wish I'd disappeared right afterwards, that someone would come and rescue me, that someone would help me breathe. If humans are meant to live, then someone so inhuman is meant to perish. This simple wish, which I pursued as the only possible redemption, continued to elude me like sand one would try to collect with an open hand.

But when I pulled the trigger, the smell of gunpowder filling my lungs, which were still breathing perfectly, made me understand. There was no impact, and my gaze fell on an inert corpse lying in almost black grass, the night making me think I was delirious in my last moments.

Her lips were blue, and red had tinted her hair, the moonlight making her look like a fallen angel. I thought unfairly that it was my fault, but far too much her fault, and that somehow the most important thing was how I was going to end it for good. Or should I stay here? Waiting for someone to find me lying next to this dead body. I'd probably get locked up. Maybe by depriving myself of freedom to atone for a crimes who isn’t my crimes at all. I'd be able to die in peace, without having to wonder if life really have any worth, or if anyone will ever give me even a semblance of it.

No one's coming, whether to save me from myself, or to punish me for what she did.

I took an icy breath, filling my lungs with as much air as I could, before releasing it in a long, painful exhale. If this was a dream, make sure I never wake up; if it's a nightmare, make sure I'm someone else when I wake up; if it's reality, make sure my heart stops on the spot, without pain or agony, because my life has been one long, poignant one.

The more I looked at her mortified face, the more I prayed to be able to disappear at her side. Don't make this life even more painful by separating me from her, let me go in the embrace of this liquid that was hers, let me disappear with her gesture of love as my last memory, probably the only thing that proves I had any value, any shred of humanity.

I closed my eyes, let my muscles relax, and perhaps my beating heart, the only proof of life inside me, would eventually stop, and allow me never to suffer from being me again.

hope you enjoyed~ Every comment or critic is welcom!