#and this one is not! her and ahab are friends and their relationship is very mutual. love and light

[mossy-rainfrog]

[Several drawings of Ahab, Starbuck, and Fedallah from Moby Dick reimagined as women. More detailed ID in ALT.]

hi everyone today i bring you. more women :)

a continuation of this last post, Ahab openly presents as a woman aboard her ship because she has enough job security at this point to do whatever she wants and her gender identity is essentially "call me sir, but beyond that who cares". Starbuck is still bigender as usual, so she initially went "undercover" as a man to get into the industry and then stuck with the disguise long term because she likes the way it feels to be Nathaniel. Meanwhile Fedallah is free balling tbh, she's under Ahab's protection on the Pequod and everyone's an asshole to her anyways so she truly could not give less of a fuck. All three use she/her, except for when Starbuck is undercover.

also *said through tears* ahab and fedallah are FRIENDS btw. they LOVE each other and she's FINE. melville when i GET you

also, side note because I don't think I ever mentioned it, but Starbuck is ID'd as "middle aged" in my art because (s)he is based on @pocketsizedquasar 's adaptation, where Starbuck's age has been interpreted to be around 40. <3 aging :)

anyways GIRLS! I've heard of them 👀

[youthofpandas]

Call Her Ishmael (or: a trans reading of one of my favorite Limbus characters)

Hi, I have been thinking about writing something like this since Canto V first released and today I finally felt inspired to actually make this... A compilation of the parts of Ishmael's story that lead me to reading her as trans <3 and why I think that understanding her character though that lens works so well

We begin with a woman stuck in the mundane. No plans for the future, no dreams of a life beyond the one she is currently living in, and that life is one she has long grown tired of. And she decides she would rather quit living that life, even if it would kill her. Everyone told her not to do this, but she wanted (needed) to do something new with her life.

She finds Ahab here, when she is at this low where she is unsure of where to go from here now that she has cast her old life away. She looks at Ahab and sees a woman with goals, determination, serious plans for the future she is willing to commit to. And she wants to be just like that woman. She wants to be a woman who will choose what her destiny is, choose what life she has.

"I hoped to be like her one day. To be someone who will face the destiny of her own choosing. To have something I could give it my all with conviction and without a moment of hesitation."

And when she gets on that boat and starts this new chapter in her life, well. There she meets Queequeg, and is asked for her name...

Queequeg asking her name, something that surprises Ishmael, and complimenting her hair is a defining moment in Ishmael's life and in their relationship. And not only is it the first conversation they have, it is the also last thing Queequeg asks of her. To hear Ishmael's name one more time is something that will bring not only herself comfort, but she knows will stabilize Ishmael as well in this moment. That it will bring her back to when they had first met, to the fond memories of a good friend who had asked for her name. Ishmael's name, her identity, the one she forged on that boat even through great difficulty is what shaped her into being herself... That is how their relationship begins and ends...

There is also a recurring theme of being reborn, of happiness being found in another life that is kinder to them both. Ishmael dreams of a life where they can break out of their cocoons. She wants to bury her past and had no dreams of the future before joining the Pequod, before meeting Queequeg and finding someone she wants a future with. Through Queequeg, through the woman who thinks her hair is the brilliant color of sunset and asked for her name, Ishmael is capable of imagining a destiny of her own choosing just like she had wanted when she met Ahab. (She isn't able to chase after it, not yet, because of Ahab's influence over the Pequod, but she for the first time can at least dream of a future where she is happy)

When tragedy strikes, she is left as, in her mind, the sole survivor of the crew, she has lost Queequeg, lost Ahab, lost her chance at finding happiness and purpose. It's then that she takes Queequeg's rope (the thing that kept her alive! Queequeg throughout their time knowing each other is always there to save her and help her keep on living) and makes it into a headband, attaches cute bows to it, a bit of femininity that is intrinsically attached to the woman who helped save her. She grows out her hair, her beautiful sunset colored hair, and it is so heart warming. For a long time I assumed that her not cutting her hair was done out of mourning, out of an unwillingness to move on from the life she had on that ship, but instead it was because Queequeg had loved her and she had loved her friend in kind.

In conclusion I love Ishmael very much and I like to rotate her around. Everything from her metaphors of being stuck in a cocoon and wanting to break free, her envy of Ahab's ability to find purpose so easily, her relationship with Queequeg that helped inspire her to dream for more to dream of a future where she is happy,, it is all very good and to me reading her as trans strengthens the themes of her story. I've watched the final part of the Canto V dungeon several times over when my friends arrive at that part of the story, and the Call Me Ishmael line always makes me start tearing up.

Ishmael starts as an unhappy office worker with no future and it is a life she cannot continue living, she meets an older woman who has the drive and passion to chase after her goals and wants to be like her when she is older, she has a life defining moment where another woman asks for her name and wants to be good friends with her, that woman will save her in so many ways and she will love that woman so deeply for how she helped influence her life, she sees herself trapped in a cocoon and wants to break free, she dreams of her and that woman will persevere, how they will live out the rest of their days, countless mirror worlds of happiness spent at each other's side. She starts the game proper with her hair grown long, ribbons attached to a rope that helped save her that represents the woman who had saved her before. She ends her chapter finding a new adventure to go on, one will she get to explore the world she lives in, she has found a compass in Dante who will help her chart her path forward.

Also I know we all make jokes about how inconsistent the art is when it comes to her chest but like... Come on look at the difference here.... I'm correct about this. But I mostly wanted to make this post to point out that her narrative arc is also trans and it goes so much deeper than just art inconsistencies.

Okay that's all I can think of now, thank you for reading, I hope you all also love her <3

[cluescorner]

Thoughts on Canto V

Spoilers ahead. Also, disclaimer that I did not play it but instead watched it because I really like the story but I don't play the game anymore. I do not think playing it through would have impacted my experience, but do keep that fact in mind and let me know if you think my feelings would change if I had played it.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I REALLY LIKED IT! The characters were solid (though there are some problems), the theme of hoping for the future and allowing yourself to discover it for yourself rather than holding onto the past, and there were some incredible fucking moments.

Firstly, Ishmael. She was pretty stellar throughout. Watching her slowly degrade into becoming a mirror of the very woman she sought to destroy was heartbreaking, I felt like she actually had a real arc this canto that helped her become a less burdened person, and some of her deepening bonds with the other sinners were awesome. I particularly liked watching her interactions with Outis because Moby Dick and the Odyssey/Illiad are the two literary works from Limbus that I know well, and based on that info it makes sense that they would both understand and annoy each other. The moments with Heathcliff were also incredible because they've always had a really cool dynamic. Ishmael's relationships with her crew were also interesting and I feel like that could have easily been the best part of this cant, but ultimately that didn't end up happening (more on that later). I felt like the sudden character development 'Oh the other characters are my friends and they are my compass' thing was a BIG JUMP especially for Ishmael, but it's not a bad idea. I think it just needed more time in the oven, let Ishmael interact with the other sinners inside the dungeon and have her work together with them to get through things. Fortunately, Ishmael's VA + the Mili song really carried that ending so I still wound up getting caught up in the moment regardless. Speaking of Ishmael's VA...HOLY SHIT WHATEVER THEY ARE GETTING PAID IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!! Singlehandedly made me like this Canto so much more than I otherwise would have. An incredible performance all around, stand out moments include but are not limited to: Her ranting at the pirates about them not knowing what shame is, the euphoric hatred in her voice as she fantasizes about finding and killing Ahab, the grief as she discusses Queequeg and the hope as she sees Queequeg again, and OF COURSE WHEN SHE GOES AHAB MODE! Bravo Jang Ye-na, you carried this Canto through its weaker moments and helped the best ones become my favorite moments in this game.

Next, Ahab. I liked her a lot, fucking awful captain woman who reminds me of my old pastors. GOOD JOB MAKING THIS A FUCKING HORROR GAME THIS BITCH SCARES ME! I wish we could have seen more of her (and maybe we will in the future) because what we got was incredible. I was expecting a shitty boss but instead got another fucking cult leader. Her design is also a solid mirror to Ishmael's, further emphasizing the point that they are becoming more alike as this stuff goes on AND making the moment where Ishmael breaks the cycle of hatred more impactful. She is an incredible mirror of what happens where you allow hatred to consume you entirely, and the VA really reflects that. The only complaint I kinda have is that she probably should have been a lot more morally grey than she was. I feel like we just kinda got Kromer version 2 in terms of the role she played in the story and in Ishmael's life, granted that might change in the future so I will be very happy to be wrong if that's the case. But after Dongrang, I was expecting something a little more sympathetic or at least nuanced than 'evil cult leader captain lady hates that fucking whale and will kill her crew and makes that abundantly clear'. Again, I do like what we got so I can't complain too much but still.

I LOVE THAT BIG FUCKING WHALE! SCARY FUCKING BIG WHALE COMETH! ELDRITCH WHALE!

The Indigo Elder is so fucking cool. I wish he were here for more than 3 minutes and actually had something to do. They really introduced a man by having him tear the arm off the guy who we were struggling to survive against, said he was a Color and that he killed another Calamity, teased this really cool plan, and then...he's just waiting outside presumably 1v1-ing the whale but we get to neither see nor hear about it at all. I hope he comes back and we can see him do cool shit, because we had an incredible set-up with mediocre pay-off.

Ishmael's crew...I loved them so much I wish they were in the Canto for more than 1 level. They should have been introduced MUCH EARLIER in order to have their deaths have more of an impact. We should have been in the whale for longer, even if it meant shortening other parts of the chapter, just for the crew. Because those are Ishmael's ties and these are the people who Ahab's hatred is robbing the world of. What we did get of them was very strong, but Starbuck and Pip got nothing in terms of character moment and time. Queequeg got a little bit more (by the way I love that Queequeg actually looked like the design team at least LOOKED at a Polynesian person, I'm so jaded from other gacha games that I'm thrilled somebody actually looks like they're from the culture they're inspired from. She looks like a buffer, female version of one of my Polynesian neighbors it's great.) and it made her feel a lot more developed. She was a solid adaptation of Queequeg and her relationship with Ishmael was so sweet. The moments we got of them together were some of the highlights and it made me really want them to manage to escape together. Of course that was never gonna happen, but still. I also don't like how we don't even see Queequeg and Starbuck die. Are we supposed to assume Ahab killed them to manifest the ego? Did we kill them? I see some criticism around the fact that they stood by Ahab's side at the end and wondering why they did that. And I get that criticism because it is weird, but also that's just kinda what cult leaders can do especially when they're the only reason you've been alive for however long + you're slowly being overtaken by BAD WHALE JUICE. I 100% buy that they chose to follow the Captain because the Captain is always right and even when She does horrible things Her understanding is elevated above ours. And if Her fight is our fight, then surely it is ok for us to die here.

I feel like this is also a criticism that only I care about but why is the story suddenly like 'oh revenge is bad don't do revenge'? Like, I get it revenge is bad and that was kinda the point of Moby Dick. BUT WE HAVE LITERALLY DONE SO MUCH REVENGE AND REVENGE WAS KINDA SINCLAIR'S WHOLE THING AND IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE HEATHCLIFF'S! Why is revenge suddenly bad and 'oh no it makes you just like the other person' no it does not Sinclair did not suddenly become genocidal because he kept trying to murder Kromer. Is revenge only bad when it's successful? IDK, I just hate narrative inconsistency and this immediately jumped out at me.

Overall, I really liked this Canto! I have my problems with it, but they are relatively minor compared to all it does well.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Could Bella/Victoria work

Congratulations, anon, you have stumbled upon one of the very few Twilight pairings that I will actually say "yes", to. Of course, as always, there are caveats, but we're not in my usual land of "AH HA HA HA HA NO".

Why The Hell Do I Think This Could Work?

Bella and Victoria both live lives of misery in part at the hands of men. For Victoria, I could see Bella having very easily been her redemption arc. (Which, of course, would lead to instead the madness of Edward, but that's another story.)

What do I mean?

About Victoria

Victoria's tale is a rather sad one. She started life impoverished and destitute in England centuries ago. She lived in a brothel and by some miracle, mostly her older sister's hard work, was able to avoid prostitution and starvation.

Then, one day, her sister disappears. Victoria's survival and well being relies upon making herself scarce, disappearing when someone comes looking for her, but things start getting desperate.

Then, not long later, her sister returns. Only, her sister has changed, is impossibly beautiful, with marble skin, and is barely recognizable. Victoria begs Anne to take her with her, Anne realizing Victoria will die in this place otherwise, takes the risk and turns her sister. Victoria joins Hilda's uber feminist coven (Anne's sire who seems to turn primarily marginalized women).

Well, Hilda likely turned too many vampires, and eating from densely populated areas they caught Volturi notice. All of the coven but Victoria (who escaped) and Heidi (who was recruited for her gift) were killed by the Volturi.

Victoria loses everything in one moment: her sister, her coven, her way of life. She wanders as a solitary, miserable, nomad who expects death now at every turn.

During this, James starts hunting her, intent on murdering her for sport. Victoria escapes him at every turn, which intrigues him further, and this eventually devolves into the toxic relationship we see between the pair of them in canon. They also at some point pick Laurent up.

Deep down, Victoria knows James is simply using her, that she's not even truly a part of his games but just a chess piece that he can use to hunt these women. But this is the end of her rope. This is all that she has, and she embraces it with all she has left.

And then James is murdered and it all falls apart.

Bella Swan is now Victoria's white whale, Victoria channeling both Ahab and Hamlet at every moment. Bella Swan in herself is a symbol, means nothing, but if Victoria can destroy her then she can avenge James and something in her miserable existence will have meaning. This one thing will have meaning.

And then, of course, Victoria fails at this at every turn, the Volturi come for her again, and now there is no way out. As Edward taunts her, she falls on her sword, choosing death.

(Victoria's tale is peak bleak and I'm honestly a little upset that we got Twilight instead of this.)

About Bella

Bella has a very different story, but she's also at her lowest point. She was hunted by James for what amounts to no reason at all, was used and dropped by Edward during the New Moon period as if she was nothing more than a toy he could cast aside, and is now going to be murdered in vengeance when her lover isn't even there to witness it.

All of this is about Edward, and yet, Edward is in Rio.

There is something so tragic in all of this that Victoria never sees in her blind pursuit of revenge.

So, Where Am I Going With This?

Say that Victoria catches up to Bella. Perhaps only Sam is a wolf, perhaps Bella goes to Florida and Victoria pursues her there. Rather than kill her immediately, Victoria waits.

She at first waits for the Cullens to show up, as surely, they can't have left her completely unguarded. This is a ruse and a lure to get her out of hiding. They never show up.

She then waits for some hint that they'll actually be witness to Bella's demise. Bella swears she has no address, Victoria has no address except the Denali, and she could send a video tape to them but...

What Bella says is worrying.

Bella isn't concerned about her life at all. She freely admits that Edward will never come, never witness this, and more damningly he doesn't care. Bella is a mortal mayfly to him, he got bored, and said as much himself.

James died for nothing and Bella will die for nothing: one day Victoria will realize this.

This might give Victoria significant pause. Of course, this could be a ploy, but if it is then Bella has balls of steel (which she does but this would be a bit much even for Bella). And the longer Edward doesn't show up... Victoria begins to think this is true: Edward truly doesn't care.

Now, either out of a sense of pity/rejuvinated purpose, to become what Hilda was for Victoria or else out of a new angle of vengence (Victoria clues into what Edward wants least of all), Victoria could very well turn Bella.

Victoria's probably still a paranoid wreck, still has Riley and his instructions to turn an army, which likely gets out of control in the worst of ways. But they may make their way out of this, or, rather, there's a chance Victoria gets to Bella early enough to avoid this.

There's a mess to deal with with Riley, of course, who is in part so loyal because he believes Victoria loves him. But I can see Victoria and Bella becoming genuinely close, good friends, and in time lovers.

So, yes, for once you get the "Muffin Approved" stamp, anon.

[bigskydreaming]

thehollowprince said: And I also stand by the opinion that they could have just done a solo run of the O5 X-Men starting a new timeline with the information they got from the future.

thehollowprince said: Its not like Marvel doesn’t constantly do AUs and retcons

OMG Josh you have no idea how bad I wanted this. They could’ve done SO MUCH with that concept. Letting the 05 keep their foreknowledge and the world they could have created with that?

They could’ve averted the initial Krakoan mission and saved Darwin, Gabe, Petra and Sway in the first place. They could have all been X-Men from their Day One, Scott and Alex would have actually gotten to KNOW their brother and Gabe quite possibly would never have gone full Dark Side despite the writers apparently now seeming obsessed with the idea there’s just something innately bad within Gabe that’s always destined to bear fruit at some point, ugh, whatever, like who do you think you are, Kant?

They could’ve recruited the Giant Size X-Men lineup earlier, and saved John Proudstar, who side by side with his brother Jamie, are a force to be reckoned with. 

They could have convinced Pietro and Wanda to join them instead of the Avengers and been like no but seriously that way lies nothing but shitty storylines and bad decisions that will be blamed on you by your teammates despite the fact that any and all of the bad decisions that were ACTUALLY yours could have been averted if any of your teammates were capable of functioning as an actual support system. Come join us. We have actual support systems, except for the times when we don’t, but we recruited Deadpool to break the fourth wall and he and Logan are currently cutting through the ranks of every writer who would write as hating and fighting each other instead of being a loving fucking family goddammit.

Jean could have faced the Phoenix head-on when the time for that came, using her knowledge of the future not to fear an inevitable death, but rather to know she had nothing TO fear, that the power to not control this force, but just be ONE with it, with no NEED to control it or be controlled by it, a symbiotic union, two beings in harmony deciding on courses of action together. The Phoenix’s innate powers and prerogative of rebirth and destruction tempered by Jean’s mercy, aimed and focused by Jean’s reason, the double-edged sword that is fire capable of warming homes or destroying them completely combined with Jean’s conscience guiding it to use its power for the former rather than the latter.

They could have stopped the Legacy Virus from getting out and killing millions as well as spared us from migraines induced by an AIDS metaphor so shitty at being a metaphor most people forget it was literally written to be an AIDS metaphor.

The body swap would never have happened and Kwannon could have joined the X-Men as a full member from the time she was introduced, rather than dragged along in the wake of Betsy’s tangled storylines for a couple decades.

They could have stopped Fitzroy from killing the Hellions. Hell, if they train Illyana early enough and have her mentored by Wanda who is perfectly fucking competent when left to her own devices, then like, maybe they can even take a jaunt to the future to save Fitzroy from dying in the first place and being resurrected with no soul. Not gonna lie, ever since then I’ve kinda been seriously interested in what the hell would a hero version of Trevor freaking Fitzroy even BE like, y’know? Call it morbid fascination, but like. I kinda want it, guys. LOL.

Add to that note, they could have taken another jaunt to the future and rescued Rachel from being made into a Hound by Ahab. Through the power of some convoluted plot tangle I just made up for convenience, Scott still ends up in a relationship with Maddy briefly, in one of those self-fulfilling prophecy type things where he went into it with the full intention of just averting the future and saving Maddy from her fate as the Goblyn Queen, but somehow ended up in a love triangle with a very alive Jean and Maddy who is fully informed of Sinister’s shenanigans and quite displeased with that asshole, and look, I don’t know how all of this goes exactly, but let’s cut to the chase, my only real endgame with this is making sure that Nate’s born properly, saved from Apocalypse and the techno-virus by the combined efforts of Scott, Maddy and Jean as well as Uncles Warren, Bobby and Hank, and Jean calls up the Phoenix through some psychic bond or whatever and is like hey girl, can I hit you up for a loan real quick? Got some losers that need toasting. 

And in this AU the Phoenix totally has her back, and one brief cosmic power-up and gratuitous Sailor Moon transformation later, Jean glows and intones some epic one-liners with appropriate gravitas, and then just punts both Apocalypse and Sinister to the far side of the universe, never to be seen or heard from again. They like, hit a black hole on the way there I guess. It was very sad. Violin strings may commence with the requiem. Okay that’s enough, they can stop now.

So then through the plot contrivances of fuck you, I said so, Scott and Maddy ultimately part amicably and Scott and Jean get back together and the three of them civilly co-parent both baby Nate and Rachel, as Maddy keeps the healing powers she gained as Anodine and stays with the X-Men for her own reasons.

The telepaths are all better trained by the expertise Jean gained in her powers while in the future, so the next time the Shadow King comes bumming around looking to cause chaos, Betsy, Emma and Jean just look at each other and laugh and say nuh-uh before psychically squishing him into a marble.

Warren never becomes Archangel. Onslaught isn’t a thing. They make nice with Magneto and say okay you may have a couple points, let’s discuss. Bishop arrives in the past for reasons totally unrelated to his original story, has no traitor to seek out among the X-Men, and thus he and Gambit end up besties in complete defiance of that stupid fucking story and because I just think they’re neat together. Yes I said neat. Gambit and Bishop are just neat. Deal with it. 

Bishop still hates that Fitzroy guy though, he’s like, I don’t even know what it is about that guy, he just rubs me the wrong way, even though Fitzroy is not evil here and has always done good with his powers, which are channeled through a device Forge made him that lets him just absorb life force from a wide range around him, spread out and diluted enough that its like, the grass feels weird for a second, like whoa what even was that, and then its over. Actually, y’know what, scratch that. Fitzroy’s powers are stupid and unnecessary the way they are now anyway, so fuck it, this Fitzroy doesn’t need life force or whatever, he’s just a dude who makes time portals. He’s like Illyana with green hair and that ugly goatee. Hey I said this Fitzroy was non-evil, not that he was perfect.

Bobby’s out and proud since he was sixteen, and with actual competence and proficiency with his powers, which make him a Literal Unkillable Gay Icon, he’s an inspiration to LGBTQ+ teens everywhere and inspires other gay, bi and trans heroes to come out. He’s a big brother figure to all the baby gays that later join the X-Men, like, Rictor comes to him for advice back during the time equivalent to early X-Factor, when Rictor’s a trying-too-hard sixteen year old who thought college age Bobby was like the coolest, which is valid, because X-Factor Bobby was like A+ Bobby characterization and deserves more reads. 

So Rictor comes out earlier as well, and by the time they even meet Shatterstar, instead of a slow burn friends to roommates to lovers scenario, Rictor takes one look at the love of his life and wastes no time coming out swinging with an absolutely terrible pick up line. Look, I said his big brother figure Bobby was out and proud in this AU, not that he magically had a better sense of humor. Some things just don’t change, y’know? Luckily, Shatterstar is a weirdo, and thus he finds terrible pick-up lines charming. At least when its Rictor saying them. They walk off for a first date, already practically hand in hand, voices fading into the distance as Rictor asks “By the way, have you met Dazzler yet? According to Bobby, apparently she’s your mom. That Longshot dude with the mullet over there is your dad I guess. We should go say hi.”

Hank gets an assistant hand-picked by the rest of the original X-Men, and who has one job and one job only. To follow him around and observe all his experiments, and he has veto power over experiments that People With IQs As High As Yours Should Know Better But I Guess You’ve Got Reed Richards Syndrome.

Hank’s like, “Hmm, if I built a time machine I could go back to the Jurassic Period and observe whether my theory of - “

Hank’s assistant: “Veto.”

“Damn. Okay I was also thinking of making a deep space communicator that can reach into the farthest reaches of space beyond any known civilization and just say hi, y’know? See if anyone’s out there.”

“Veto.”

“If I combine these genetically modified antibodies here with this strain of of DNA from - “

“Veto.”

“Well Forge built this device that does this to mutant powers but I think I can make it do - “

“Veto.”

“These nanobots I - “

“VETO,”

“Honestly, at this point I think you’re just saying that just because you like saying it.”

“Dr. McCoy, I promise you, I’m really, really not.”

Logan finds out about his future clan of stabby children, and seeks them out. He rescues Daken from Romulus, somebody stabs that loser with the immortal-killing sword, I don’t even care who, and after a few tense months of Logan trying too hard, he and Daken eventually bond over how hockey just isn’t violent enough. If you’re going to make a sport all about hitting each other, just really go for it or don’t even bother, y’know? Logan claps him on the shoulder and sniffs. That’s my boy. Then they find and rescue Laura and Gabby and take a road trip to Earth 1610 to pick up Jimmy. They have a house on campus, and new students walking by it are used to hearing loud growling and even howls. They were assured during orientation that that’s nothing to worry about, it just means the House of Snikt are watching a game and are rooting for opposing sides. 

Emma’s recruited practically the day they get back. She’s only just started at the Hellfire Club and has only done a tiny bit of Evil when Warren schedules an appointment with her, and then he, Scott and Jean make a better pitch than Shaw and his ilk could ever match. They’ve been to the future. Come join with us and we’ll give you an all access pass to memories detailing exactly what’s going to happen in these particular areas and many more. All you have to do is ask. Oh and also please don’t seduce any married teammates. Its bad form. To be honest, I don’t think it’ll be an issue because Deadpool assures us Morrison has been taken care of, and don’t worry if that makes no sense to you, its a head-scratcher for us to. Just roll with it. 

Nate ages normally here so its not like he ends up besties with forty year old Wade, but the latter having his own plot-contrived knowledge of the future because He’s Just Like That, decides that he won’t be denied at least SOME kind of bond with The Bestie That Wasn’t. He becomes Nate’s official babysitter. Well, not official, seeing as how Scott, Jean and Maddy don’t hire him and are very clear that their son is not to be left alone with this man at any time, he is a terrible influence and he keeps giving our kid guns. But then Wade just shows up anytime they’re out because he just has a sixth sense for Making Trouble, and he terrifies away whatever babysitter’s there and greets the returning and exasperated parents with a cheery wave. 

“I know what you’re going to say, but don’t worry, we didn’t do anything dangerous or against the law. All we did today was I taught him to make bombs, but we were very careful, we wore safety goggles and really, they were very little bombs. Not even anything atomic. I honestly don’t think any of them could have even blown up this whole house, and I’ve been meaning to say, I’m not impressed with the structural integrity of this place. Couldn’t you have picked something with a sturdier foundation? Its like you don’t even expect random space mercenaries to attack your place out of the blue every other month. Have any of you even read a single issue of your own comics?”

Scott’s jaw twitches Ominously. Wade starts gathering up his things. Jean rubs her forehead wearily.

“Wade, what do you even think ‘dangerous’ means?”

Wade pauses and cocks his head. Gives it a solid twenty seconds of thought. Then he shrugs. 

“I don’t know actually. Don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. I always figured it was just one of those things people just say. Like, ‘oh, it looks like rain today,’ even if they’re not a forecaster and have no real meteorological credentials to speak of. ‘Oh, this mission will be dangerous,’ and I don’t even have to use up all my ammo and I only get shot twice. Y’know?”

“Leave,” Scott says. More like intones. House shakes a little bit but that might just be Wade’s imagination. Its very active.

“Leaving!” He says hastily. He jumps through the closed window and then teleports away amid the falling shower of broken glass. Why didn’t he do that while he was still inside the room? No one knows. Not even Wade knows. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the fuck cares, now is it Original Recipe or Crispy?

Scott, Jean and Maddy search the house while Nate angelically claims they won’t find anything, Wade doesn’t even bring him cool stuff anymore cuz he knows you’ll just take it.

Maddy finds a high-tech laser space gun under a floorboard in the closet. She holds it up with one eyebrow raised pointedly. Scott and Jean flank her and their own eyebrows raise in solidarity. Well Jean’s does. Scott’s probably does but its hard to tell sometimes. Depends on what glasses or visor he’s wearing.

“That was already there,” Nate tries. Most powerful telepath and telekinetic in the world, but the kid can’t lie for shit. There’s not much point in trying when one of your moms is the freaking Phoenix, and that’s a skill that takes practice he just doesn’t have. 

The three sets of parental eyebrows make a V, judgingly.

“One month of no video games or TV?” Okay, so terrible liar but quick on his feet. At least he knows when he’s beat and jumps straight to trying to shape his own punishment proactively.

“Two months. And no flying lessons either,” Jean says. “And don’t pout at me, young man. You know the rules. No weapons inside the house unless your grandpa Corsair is visitng and we’re too tired to fight him on keeping knives under his pillow. This is a Do As We Say, Not As We Do house. Deal with it. Now, this is going with the others and you can have it back when you’re eighteen.”

It would have been three months, but Jean and Maddy caught a telepathic sniff from Scott. He’s just so proud of his kid thinking so tactically. He’s growing up so fast. Both women mentally roll their eyes. Why is he like this.

“I don’t see what the big deal is anyway,” Nate sulks. “Its just a stupid laser gun. I mean, Uncle Gabe blew up our last house with his brain.” 

“Yes and it was an accident and he feels absolutely terrible about that which is why we’re not going to bring it up when he and Armando come visit this weekend, right?”

“You can have my full compliance for two weeks off my sentence.”

“Or we can have your full compliance or two weeks will be added to your sentence,” Maddy says.

“You guys suck,” declares the ten year old vessel of near unlimited psychic might. He goes to his room, stomping all the way up the stairs so his grievances can be heard even by the House of Snikt next door. Course, they’ve already been listening to the whole thing with their enhanced hearing. There was nothing good on TV. Jimmy made popcorn and chewed with his mouth open just to piss off Daken. 

‘The second Father leaves the room, I am going to stab you in such a slow healing place you’ll still be bleeding at bed time.’ Daken mouths at his little brother from another universe. Jimmy scrunches his face in confusion. 

‘What?’ He mouths back. He’s terrible at reading lips. Or anything that isn’t skateboarding, really. And yet Father’s so happy that ‘at least one of my kids is content with stupid normal stuff and doesn’t go around drawing cover fire just because a mission is going so well its boring and they haven’t even gotten to pop their claws out yet.’

“That’s only because you’ve coddled him. He’s barely ever even been shot at. Just the one time on vacation in Majipoor and he wasn’t even the target, the assassin was aiming for me. If you would just let me take him on a proper outing to gain some real experience - “

“Not gonna happen.” Logan shuts that down real quick.

“Really Father, just look at him. He has zero situational awareness. I’ve been glaring a hole in the back of his head for a full minute now and he has no idea. That could just as easily be an actual laser scope, you know. He’s a disgrace to the whole family.”

“Daken, we’ve been over this,” Logan says firmly. “You have your sisters to bond with over gratuitous violence. Leave your brother alone. I don’t want anyone traumatizing him until trauma finds him all on its own. It’ll happen sooner or later, he’s as much a part of this family as anyone and that means its as good as done already, so there’s no need to hurry it along. If later on he decides he’s got a taste for it, you can take him on all the outings to get shot at that you want. But he’s gotta figure it out for himself first, and he doesn’t need his big brother being the one who introduces him to all that. He idolizes you, you know.”

Daken scoffs. He can’t even get the brat to chew with his mouth closed.

“He cut his hair from that style he liked so much, just because you hated it so much,” Logan says obliviously. Daken nods like he’s conceding the argument and hastens from the room while he can still keep his mouth shut. It won’t benefit anyone at this point to tell their father that Jimmy really only cut his hair because Daken told him he would set it on fire if he didn’t. 

Ugh, families are the worst. Don’t even get him started on Laura stealing some of his clothes to wear without asking. And then has the gall to yell back at him when he yells “Silk! Its the finest cut of silk! Does that mean nothing to you?” at her.

“Oh get over it. Its not like I asked for killer robots to interrupt my date.”

“Of course they were going to interrupt your date with that Julian boy. I keep telling you, he’s a magnet for trouble. I can tell. I’m one too, remember?”

“Fine, whatever, you’re right and I should just expect every date with Julian from now until the end of time to end with fire and disaster.”

“Well now you’re being melodramatic. There’s no way that boy makes it past twenty five. He doesn’t even have a healing factor.”

“Why do you hate him so much anyway? If you’d just give him a chance - “

“What are you talking about? I give him a chance every single time he’s here and I don’t kill him.”

“Ugh, I can’t even talk to you when you’re like this. You always do this, you just decide on something and then you commit to that like the fate of the world depends on you standing firm on what’s usually a completely arbitrary decision in the first place!”

Daken sniffs. “I can assure you, there’s absolutely nothing arbitrary about my disdain for the Keller boy.”

“His name is Julian,” Laura enunciates with a glare.

“I don’t care,” Daken enunciates with an expression of lofty superiority.

“You two are so dumb,” Gabby says from the end of the hallway. They both turn identical glares on her. They’d noticed her arrive several minutes ago but they weren’t about to be distracted from their battle of wills. “Laura, you know Daken isn’t actually going to kill Julian. He doesn’t do that anymore except for really bad people sometimes and he just talks about stabbing people or killing them cuz he thinks he’s funny and then he gets all pissy because nobody ever gets that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t even hate Julian and he used to be fine with him before he started dating you, its just he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.”

Daken frowns at the petite would-be peacemaker. Meddlesome toddler. “What are you even babbling about? None of that is remotely true.”

Gabby rolls her eyes up at her brother from her much lower height. She taps the side of her nose with emphasis. “You do know we all have the same abilities to smell and analyze scents as you do, right? And you know everything you can tell from peoples’ scent, right? Of course I’m right, I can smell it as clear as anything and so can Jimmy and Dad and we actually all know this and talk about it all the time, and its why Dad never actually gets mad at you for talking about killing people because he can smell you’re saying it just cuz you’re used to saying it but really you’re too marshmallowy on the inside now to do half the stuff you claim you’re gonna do. Hate to break it to you bro, but you’re a closet softie and you’ve been made. The nose doesn’t lie. Only reason Laura doesn’t know it is because you piss her off like its your favorite hobby and its probably impossible for her to smell anything beyond her own scent of Royally Pissed Off.”

Ugh. Meddlesome insightful toddler. Who asked for her intervention anyway? Daken crosses his arms in a way that’s decidedly aloof and not at all sulking.

Laura’s staring at their sister assessingly. “That’s really what you think is going on? And Jimmy and Dad think so too? You’re not just saying all that?”

Gabby bats her eyes up at them. “Would I lie to you?”

“Yes,” Laura says without missing a beat.

“Without a shadow of a doubt,” Daken says dryly, right on her heels.

“For the sake of a candy bar,” Laura adds, because that really did happen.

“Or just boredom, because god forbid you pick up another hobby that isn’t just Chaos.”

“This from the guy who only has fun when there’s blood and bullets flying about,” Gabby fires back from a position of petite petulance.

Daken smirks down at her. “Didn’t you just say I don’t really mean it when I say all of that?”

Gabby narrows her eyes. “Touché. My own words thrown back at me. I am undone.”

“Yes, well - “

Daken’s cut off as Jimmy chooses that moment to walk past them down the hallway to the bathroom. He’s laughing and shaking his head.

“You guys are both so dumb. She plays you like this all the time, and you never see it.”

“Silence, mortal!” Gabby thunders at their brother menacingly. The effect is somewhat diminished by the fact that she can’t hit a baritone note to save her life.

“No, I’m interested in hearing what he has to say,” Daken says coolly. “For once. This is a moment without precedent and one unlikely to occur again, so let’s explore it a bit.”

Jimmy sighs and shakes his head without ever losing that amused smirk. “Had to tack on that last part, didn’t you. Just couldn’t help yourself.”

“I am a faithful student of the Truth,” Daken says, matching his brother smirk for smirk.

“The point, Jimmy?” Laura prods aggressively before that can erupt into a wholly separate thing she wants no part of.

“Oh, right.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Its kinda her thing with you two when you get like this. You pick a fight with Laura, Laura gets pissed off and succumbs to the family curse of Tunnel Vision at the Worst Possible Time, and you both go back and forth endlessly and like you have all the time in the world for your stupid tete a tete, because on account of you both being practically unkillable and immortal, you kinda do and you know it. And then whenever she gets bored of listening to you two, Gabby swoops in and draws both of your attention until you’re both so focused on being annoyed with her you don’t even realize you’re actually side by side agreeing with each other, and she keeps it up just long enough til she’s sure she can just say she’s bored now and just leave the room, leaving you both annoyed and frustrated by a fight you can’t even claim to have won because she really just kinda...left, in the middle of it, and you’re so focused on that, you’ve totally forgotten to be pissed at each other. And by the time you do remember, like, the moment has passed and peace has been returned to the kingdom. Or at least as peaceful as this place ever gets.”

Daken stares at his mistake of a brother in the hopes that if he stalled long enough, his senses would arrive at a different conclusion. But nope. Scents don’t lie, unlike baby sis, apparently. He’s telling the truth. And Daken really does not....care for that conclusion.

Gabby stamps her foot and glares up at their brother.

“You are such a tattletale. I am providing a service, by keeping this family free of these two constantly at each others throats, and how is that service repaid? With betrayal! I hate you, you’re dead to me. Never speak to me again or at least not until I’ve stopped being mad at you, but that could be like ten years or something, I don’t even know right now.”

She draws up to her full height and squares her shoulders as she thunders this Mighty Mouse style at the still laughing Jimmy. Then, seeing she’d yet to make a dent in his armor of amusement and he was failing to take her pronouncement seriously, she punctuated her declaration by spitting on their brother’s shoe. Daken’s eyebrows shoot up again, this time in amusement of his own. Gabby then spins around on her heel and stalks off down the hallway, muttering more dire threats under her breath as she goes, the sound of them nonetheless carrying clearly to three siblings with enhanced hearing of their own. And apparently, little sis could be quite creative. Who knew she’d been hiding such talent?

Jimmy barely even notices; he’s still staring down at his shoe.

“Dude, you spit on me! That’s so not cool.”

“Some things need to be expressed so strongly, mere words will not suffice,” Daken says loftily, savoring a slightly renewed sense of superiority.

One quickly dashed, of course, because apparently he just can’t have anything.

“Bold words from the seventy year old who needed the sixteen year old to clue him in he’s being regularly manipulated by the twelve year old,” Jimmy fires back. As a return volley, its obnoxiously effective, and Daken’s still grinding his teeth and searching for an adequate rejoinder as Jimmy just grins even wider and then strolls off down the hallway as well. Whistling either an absolutely hideous song or else proof that he’s absolutely hideous at whistling. Tough call. With him it could be either.

Daken and Laura both stare after him in silence as he rounds the corner and disappears, leaving only the lingering scent of smugness in his wake. Daken hates the scent of smugness. It has a particularly....cloying feel to it. Well not his of course. But everyone else’s, especially little brothers? Acrid is the only word adequate for that.

“Sometimes I really do want to stab him. Just a little bit. And I’m not even lying,” Daken says. Laura just nods, her own nose scrunched up in distaste as well.

“Honestly? Me too.”

Brother and sister enjoy the rare moment of solidarity.

“You know what’s really bugging me?” Laura says suddenly, still staring off down the hallway. Daken turns an inquiring eye on her, prompting elucidation. She frowns.

“Where the hell did he learn a phrase like tete a tete? I mean. Its Jimmy.”

Daken does know what she means, and frowns as the nagging awareness of that leaps from his sister to himself like memetic chain lightning.

“And he used it correctly. That’s....unexpected.”

“Sometimes I wonder if maybe he’s not as completely airheaded as he pretends, and the fact that he’s got everyone so convinced of that actually means he’s running circles around the rest of us,” Laura says. She shrugs. “Of course, then I have to question everything and who has that kind of time and also the very idea of genius mastermind Jimmy disturbs me on a deeply visceral level. So then I just. Stop doing that.”

Daken nods and sighs. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

“Okay, this is annoying. I kinda still want to fight, but now fighting with you feels kinda anticlimactic. Ugh, siblings are the worst,” Laura declares with a glower. “They ruin everything.”

“On that, we can agree. With allowances for temporary occasions of some of them being bearable,” Daken says. “Some.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve never said to me, big brother,” Laura says lightly. Daken swiftly scowls but she holds up a hand to forestall any rebuttal. “Sorry, don’t mean to ruin the moment. I’m thinking about how else we can put all that frustrated energy to good use. Wanna go pick a fight with the Summers’ kids?”

A slow smile spreads across Daken’s face. “Well now. Finally, a family outing I can get behind. I believe that’s precisely what we need right now. Care to lead the way?”

He still hates her boyfriend, of course, but he supposes he can let that be. 

For now, at least.

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

Seeks Positions Of Influence

“Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, and I will strike her children dead. …All the churches will know that I am He who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works.” Revelation 2:22-23ESV

Have you figured out what has been working to overcome the American nation and the American church yet? A demon named Jezebel. From 1Kings 16:31 through 1Kings 21:25 the woman Jezebel puppet-mastered King Ahab of Israel, (not Judah,) and worshiped Baal, (an evil spirit idol). She had a man murdered to obtain a vineyard her husband wanted; killed God’s prophets, etc. For millennials her demon spirit has ruled over men, destroying lives, churches and governments. Evil spirits don’t die, they evolve from one body to make their home in another person, after death. All evil spirits do likewise.

I’ve watched Jezebel at work in different churches— —Once Jezebel came in a beautiful young girl trying to seduce the pastor. He avoided her. She set her sights on a newly saved man with a call to preach; became impregnated. What a mess. — Another Jezebel became the pastor’s greatest supporter and the youth leader. The youth group grew to almost 100. She gained influence with the young married class. Making her move— she twisted the pastor’s intents; seducing people to follow her. End result ten young married couples and 50 youth left the church. Everyone seduced have left Christianity. — One Jezebel, a wealthy man, sat on a church board. This beleaguered pastor was thwarted at every turn. Pitted against Jezebel spirit, he finally left the church  with none of the Lord’s goals accomplished. Jezebel was too ensconced in family ties and money. — Jezebel wormed her way into deep friendship with a lady pastor. She began showing desires of sexual intimacy with this lady pastor. My friend was able to sidestep Jezebel and put her out, but pastor’s husband wasn’t able to overcome her. He succumbed to her chasing wiles. End result: a destroyed marriage, husband lost his relationship with God and almost totally lost his children.

Jezebel always seeks positions of influence, board member or wife, worship leader, youth leader, young marrieds leader. Then she begins to twist, turn and take control.

With our nation under the control of Jezebel, from President 46 to school board members all across the land, what we need is a Jehu, Trump tried very hard to push Jezebel out the window to her death, (see 2King 9). The church failed Trump, succumbing to old Jezzy. Hopefully, the segment of the church which has fallen under Jezebel’s seductive powers will awaken quickly, repent, and pray against this foul spirit.

We’re seeing a male-Jezebel try to become a dictator, and destroy this nation, I love. Our children have been seduced by Jezebel through the demonic teachings in the schools and universities. Parents didn’t realize what was going on.

For those who will rise up and overcome Jezebel comes monumental promises— “But to the rest of you… who do not hold this teaching, who have not learned …the deep things of satan, to you I say, …Only hold fast what you have until I come. The one who conquers and who keeps My works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations, …he will rule them with a rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken in pieces, even as I myself have received authority from My Father…” Revelation 2:24-28ESV.

Have you succumbed? Are you one of us who understands the truth? God wants us all to overcome. Will you? It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Father forgive those of us who fell prey. Restore Your church. Empower us to overcome in Jesus Christ’s name I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2021 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional as author. Thank you.

[killian-whump]

Can they be angsty questions? Cause I've been thinking about how Old Hook had left everything behind, his ship, his crew/friends, his fame, to care for his daughter... and there must have been so many lonely days until Alice would be old enough to play and/or talk with him. I'm thinking whether he tried to "push" negative thoughts away in order to focus on raising Alice, but when he was separated from her, they all came back crushing down on him and that's why he ended up the way he did.

Awwww... Now I’m sad :( Thanks! XD

I think Wish Hook had to have done a lot of evolving up in that tower. A lot of introspection. A lot of self-discovery. A lot of trial-and-error, and a lot of learning. About himself, and about the world in general. He learned to keep house. He learned to cook. He learned to paint. He learned to braid hair. He learned to play chess. He likely read countless books.

And I think, more so than being swamped by loneliness and sadness... I think maybe he learned to deal with his emotions. His grief, his sorrow, his loneliness, his anger... That’s what allowed him to turn to Rumplestiltskin for help when it came to freeing Alice from the tower. He still hated the guy, yeah, still would’ve liked to have seen him dead... but he was able to deal with those feelings and do what needed to be done for his daughter’s sake.

So... actually... I think Wish Hook was in a pretty good place, emotionally, when he was raising Alice for those first ten years or so. He had his priorities right. He was seeing the bigger picture. He was bettering himself and using his time wisely. I think, all things considered, those were probably the happiest ten years that Wish Hook had in his entire life.

Ah, but then that asshole Ahab had to show up and hit him in the one place he hadn’t evolved: His pride. Because he was so isolated in that tower, he didn’t really have to deal with the way other people saw him. The only person he spent a lot of time with was Alice, and she adored him. He clearly kept a very low profile during those years, as none of his enemies ever found the tower. Smee obviously wouldn’t have given up Hook’s secrets, and Wish Regina was in hiding, herself. The ultimate fate of Captain Hook would’ve been a mystery to everyone, and everyone loves a mystery!

But a mystery is only a mystery so long as it stays unknown. And a legendary pirate whose whereabouts and fate are unknown is only revered until he shows up in a pub with gray hair and laugh lines and a kid. And while Wish Hook had developed a tough enough skin to approach Rumple for help and to put Alice first (in almost everything), he was simply unable to handle the fact that now his fate was known and... he was being laughed off as a failure of a pirate.

It’s easy to say that he put his pride before Alice’s well-being, and that’s true, but I think something ought to be said for the fact that he consciously chose to put Alice’s happiness and well-being over everything else in his life for the ten years preceding this event. He only failed at doing so when he was confronted with something he hadn’t had to deal with before and wasn’t prepared to deal with. His baser instincts, his human foibles, won out briefly - and it was only a brief lapse, as It’s clear once he wins that duel that he knows exactly what he’s done wrong, and precisely why it was a terrible choice... and he consciously rejects his own behavior.

And that’s what ultimately broke him. He had evolved so much, learned so much, opened his heart and mind so much... that he knew he had made a wrong decision. He was ashamed of it, and angry with himself... but determined to set it right and learn from the experience, to better himself.

Except he wasn’t allowed to. That single mistake cost him his daughter, the one relationship he had and the very reason for him becoming the man he was. I think if Gothel had just shown up and cursed them for no reason, Wish Hook wouldn’t have become the shell of a man that we saw in 6x11 and 7x02. Because he would clearly be blameless in the event. He would fight and claw and scramble for a cure just as diligently... but he wouldn’t have hated himself more and more with every second that passed without one.

And really... that self-hatred, that self-mockery of the fearless pirate he once was and foolishly lost his daughter trying to still be, is what we see when we look at Old Hook. He’s become the very laughing stock that he feared Ahab would turn him into. More than that, even. And perhaps, on some level, he even chose that precise path as a fitting penance for that brief moment that he valued his legacy as Captain Hook over his daughter’s well-being. He’s destroyed that legacy, destroyed himself, ensuring he can never make that mistake again.

And it was only when Emma proved to him that he was worthy of a second chance that he forgave himself and did what he should’ve been allowed to do from the very beginning - learn from his mistake and evolve.

[luminescentlyricist]

♊ Two, One, Zero ♒

BEYOND BLACK ERISOL

~~~~~

Sollux Captor was tired of dying. He'd done it so many times, too many for his liking. Prospit, Derse, half, half again, resurrection, death, whatever. He had lost track of how many times he'd met his demise. It was a privelege that he and his dancestor alone had, possessing two dream selves. It'd all just been thrown to the winds. The fate of the dream moons was unfortunate, and he'd never really had a good night's sleep in the first place, what with the cacophony of voices in his ears. He'd adjusted to it in time, but that didn't make it any better.

He - and the rest of the trolls - really owed their lives to Feferi, however ironic it was that they were technically dead. An existence in the dream bubbles was enough, and he craved her company as well. She was just... bright and bubbly, and kept them all positive even through the hardest of times. As a Mage of Doom, he was quite the pessimist, but a smile forced itself onto his lips whenever she did her best to cheer them up. He thought of the Condesce for a moment, and wondered how it was possible that she was descended from such a tyrant.

His eyes, hollowed and blackened unlike those of his friends and fellow trolls, swept across the landscape in front of him. The deadened white that the others' held made for staring as vacant as his own had been. He knew that his real eyes - the dichotomy of red and blue, the colours that had dictated his life beyond the yellow of his blood - had made him rather blank-looking, as they didn't let in emotion as much as normal ones would. He hated that, and didn't want to come off as cold as he was.  

Sollux was a bit of an asshole at times, and he wasn't going to attempt to deny that. It was a blatant fact, really, especially when it came to a certain violetblood. Eridan got on his nerves, and it wasn't just because of the fact he'd been knocked out at one point in a 'very poorly executed a22a22iinatiion attempt' by the seadweller. The amount of times he had been asked to fill Eridan's black quadrant was yet another thing he couldn't keep track of in his head. He held off, simply because he knew it'd hurt Eridan more than filling it.

The troll was friends with Karkat, though, and so his eyes finally landed on the disguised mutantblood after a while of searching. It was a relief to see a familiar face in the crowd, and one that looked mildly disgruntled was better than none. Karkat could be rather brash at times, he knew that much, and he was relieved to see that the other hadn't died. As harsh as that sounded, it was the truth. He wanted silence, not that he ever got it, but as much silence as was possible, so he waited for someone to approach him to talk rather than the other way around.

His mind began to wander when no one approached him for a few minutes, and his thoughts strayed to those about his hive, and how he had left it, for all he knew, abandoned. Sollux didn't know if he'd ever get back there, especially because of the looming threat of death in its finality, as strange and as novel as that seemed to someone like him. He was like a cat, but with not quite as many lives to spare. He had no idea if the workers in his beehouses were dead or not. Although he no longer needed the mind honey to feed his Biclops lusus, it still worried him.

His lusus had been an extremely important part of his life for as long as he could remember. Sure, he had to feed it the mind honey to keep him from being as much of an idiot as he would normally feel inclined to be. It had been quite the task to get the mind honey to him, and in some ways Sollux was almost glad to be free of him. Additionally, it made for two extra heads to feed. As a lowblood, Sollux had often encountered problems to do with money, or gaining things in a more general sense. Though not a big problem, it was irritating.

He hated that he was belittled because of the colour of his blood, even if he wasn't as low as Karkat - who proved to be one of his best friends - or Tavros, who suffered even more due to his movement issues. He could sympathise with those lower than him on the dreaded hemospectrum as much as he liked. That didn't change that he was rather well off regardless of being mustardblooded.  He was a largely gifted psionics user, and had hacking skills that were unparalleled in the whole of Alternia.

He waved to Karkat, though wasn't exactly sure whether or not the Knight of Blood had seen him do so. His thoughts whirled even though the voices were quieter, and he wanted some kind of a distraction. The droning in his ears had become all but a nuisance, as they didn't bother him any more. He was busy enough to block them out mostly, though they were louder and louder and became impossible to ignore most of the time, however much he tried. It was just an inevitability, and an eventuality.

When Eridan approached Sollux instead, the man's obnoxious, loud voice carrying all the way to his ears, he tensed. He was on the other side of the room, and even though that put a considerable amount of space between them, that was hardly enough. Not thii2 guy. Plea2e, II don't want to deal wiith hiim. He thought this immediately afterwards, a small frown coming to his lips. Though they were just thoughts, he would have liked to express them. He thought it best not to in case the Ampora or any of the royal's friends overheard.

"Pii22 off, Eriidan."

He muttered these three simple words loud enough for only Eridan to hear, delighted to see that the seadweller's otherwise confident stride had faltered for a few moments. He didn't want Eridan to be anywhere near him, and he intended to make that clear enough that even the stupidest troll could understand it - one similar to Eridan in Sollux's eyes. Sure, it was unbecoming of the two to interact in the first place, as each had their role, but they were clearly black for each other to some degree.

Sollux hated Eridan beyond kismesitude some days, but he didn't want to say this at all, lest he was forced to actually fill a quadrant with the other. His relationships weren't to be wasted, especially since he was an incredibly doomed individual, and he did consider Eridan a complete waste of space, time and energy. For this reason, he didn't say or react any more to the seadweller, deeming that the best course of action. He instead left, going as far away from the other as possible.

He hadn't known what Eridan was doing after that, and just how sensitive the seadweller had been to his short but unquestionably harsh comment. Unbeknownst to Sollux, the troll had been armed to the teeth as always, but he had even gone so far this time as to employ methods beyond his 'WWhite Sciences'. Though deadly in their own right, and believed to have been bestowed to him by the fearsome 'angels' of his land, they were hardly enough to deal with what he desired, in his eyes clouded by a violet-coloured rage.

He pulled out his bicoloured husktop, humming happily to himself as he opened Trollian. He wanted to get his friend's attention, as Karkat had never responded to his waving or other gestures, and he needed to glean some kind of relief from the mutantblood's familiar presence. Even if 'kk' talked his ears off or made him go entirely deaf - as well as his fated blindness - it remained so much better than being around Eridan for any sort of extended period of time. Over time, his hatred only grew.

However fast Sollux could have typed, it wouldn't be fast enough. And he typed fast, due to the immense length of some of the codes that he made or typed out. His speed was especially owing to the ~ATH codes that he, and only he, had the expertise and control to use. The bright blue-white beam of Ahab's Crosshairs arced through the barely-lit room, streaking past every other bewildered troll to reach its true target. Karkat hadn't had the time to even run over to his mustardblooded friend before the laser hit Sollux square in the chest.

Sollux Captor was tired of dying, and he'd finally be laid to rest.

[sadlittletiger]

Hey friend. Do you enjoy anyone with Arias?

Heyyyyyyyy. I like Arias! I wish we could have gotten him in a game.

So, I had a chapter planned for our semi-abandoned story “To Be of Use”, in which Wesker considers... letting go of his business partner, Excella, and bringing on brand new pharma-terrorist, Glenn Arias. Glenn climbs aboard Wesker’s yacht just before the events of RE5, and a wild, evil threesome ensues. So I guess I could pair Glenn with whoever?

Here’s a little bit of that:

April 2008.

It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon when Jill met the man who should have killed Albert Wesker.

She was laying on her stomach, dozing in and out of dreams, under the brilliant Tunisian sun.  Sea birds called and turquoise water lapped at the hull of the yacht.  She shaded her eyes and watched a large fish bob up and down in the gentle waves, it’s great mouth gulping at a piece of driftwood.  It was an idyllic Mediterranean day - the warm breeze fairly humming with a lazy kind of possibility.

A motor approached - she heard it before she could see it.  It was a speedboat coming out to them from the distant, hazy coast.  She sat up, tying the straps of her bikini top behind her neck.  Her breasts felt heavy and hot, throbbing in protest at being pressed beneath her and now restrained by the bathing suit.  She looked down past the red scarab, past the blinding diamond necklace, and studied her deep cleavage, frowning at the latticework of thick blue veins that ran like a ghost highway under her skin.  She would need him soon.

As the boat drew nearer, Wesker emerged from the cabin below, his open shirt billowing in the breeze, his feet bare and bronzed on the gleaming white deck.  His hands moved to the pockets of his sailing shorts, and he nodded to his majini who gathered at the railing on the side of his boat, ready to help their esteemed guest aboard.

She watched Wesker.  He was every bit the fateful captain, staring off at the horizon on the helm of a beautiful yacht.  

He was Ahab… chasing his own murderous whale.

Only the whale’s name wasn’t Moby Dick.

It was Glenn Arias.

——-

Mr. Arias was a rising star in the world of bioterrorism.  His reputation for cruelty almost surpassed Wesker’s, which was impressive to say the least, and he was rumored to be developing a multi-stage virus that would effectively put the rest of the major players in bioengineered warfare out of business.  Forever.

At 35, almost fifteen years Wesker’s junior, he was thought to be worth something just shy of a billion US dollars, and his list of clients might have included a few first world governmental bodies.

Regardless of whether any of it was true, he had enough of an aura to pique Wesker’s interest, and that alone struck fear into her.  Wesker himself had grown quite restless in the past few months, imagining that his partner, Excella Gionne, was actively plotting his downfall.  Jill hadn’t noticed much of a shift in Ms. Gionne’s behavior or her cool temperament towards Wesker, even after the diamond incident.

But perhaps she was planning his demise.

Good for her, Jill thought.

In the meantime, Wesker was quietly seeking a new business relationship, one that might be looser with its purse strings, one that might be more forward-thinking than an old guard like Tricell… one that lacked any semblance of a moral code.

He hoped to find what he was looking for in Glenn Arias.

______

“Beautiful rig.”

It was the first thing Jill heard Arias say.  He had a bright, confident voice, not in the least villainous - nothing like Wesker’s cultivated rumble.

She watched as an athletic man jumped off the speedboat, pulled himself up the steps to the yacht, his hand out.  At the top, Wesker shook it, one quick, professional pump and then a well-practiced release.  

But Arias… oddly enough… pulled him into a hug.  He thumped his back twice, as if they were old friends meeting after a long absence.  

Jill held her breath, the corners of her mouth threatening to turn up in a smile.  

Wesker stood very still, his spine rigid with shock.  “Thank you,” he managed.  

———-

Despite the presence of company, she found herself in the usual position at Wesker’s feet.  The handcuff around her right wrist jingled against the leg of his stately chair.  She felt Arias’s heated gaze on her every time it made a sound.  She stared at the golden tassels that decorated the edge of the velvet pillow she reclined on.

Wesker had at least had the decency to put her in a lacy chemise at the dinner table.  She reminded herself, bitterly, to be grateful for any allowances, no matter how small.  Just months earlier, Wesker would never have granted her clothing during leisure.  Her… emotional acquiesce was paying off in increments.

Arias studied her, his chin in his hand.  “Do you mind if I speak to… ?” he asked from the other end of the table, his lips turning up into a sly smile.  He gestured, as if he was unsure of the appropriateness of using a pronoun on Wesker’s pet girl.

Her jaw clenched.

“Of course not,” Wesker replied.

The fire in the glass hearth flickered and cracked behind Arias.  “Hello, sweetheart,” he greeted her directly for the first time since he’d boarded the boat.  Condescending, but warm.

She took a deep breath and raised her gaze to meet their guest’s.

“My God… those sad beautiful eyes…,” Arias said in a hushed voice.

Jill glanced up in time to see Wesker smiling mildly, almost proudly, at her.  He reached down and gently adjusted the diamond necklace.  It felt like a dog chain around her throat.

“Does she talk?” Arias asked.

“Yes.”  They answered in unison.  

Arias raised his eyebrows.  “And you two… communicate, through the device on her chest?”

“Something like that,” Wesker said, leaning back in his chair.

“I’m sorry to pry… but this is just… so fascinating,” Arias continued, almost excitedly. “The whole thing.  So you hear his voice?  In your head?”

She regarded Arias, unblinking and cold.  “Yes.”

“But you have free will?”

She lowered her eyes.

Wesker waited a moment before he spoke for her.  “She has… negotiated free will.”

“Negotiated free will.”  Arias turned the words over slowly.  “No disrespect meant, of course, but what good is a slave —“

“She’s not a slave,” Wesker interrupted him.  She felt herself start at his words.  Her body, of its own accord, seemed to draw closer to his legs.  He looked down at her, his hand coming to stroke her face.  He cradled her jaw.

Arias rubbed his mouth, silenced.

“Absolute obedience was never the goal… not at all,” Wesker went on carefully, and he stared at her as if he was speaking only to her, only for her.  “There will always be… parts of her I cannot reach.  I will try though.  And we will suffer passionately in two separate bodies, for eternity.”

[raulsparza]

Moby Dick: A Musical Reckoning: 1.2.2020 ~Thoughts~

Alright so I loved it. There were parts I felt unsure about throughout, and there are parts I would alter or cut, but it felt like a malloysical and I was captivated the entire time. I was a little worried it would drag because 3 ½ hours is a good hour longer than any other show I’ve seen but it definitely didn’t. I would have happily sat in that theater for another two hours. Unfortunately, my biggest gripe was with the microphones. I feel like I missed a fair amount of what the cast was saying and I’m glad I had my knowledge from reading the book to fall back on.

Bullet point thoughts for each part under the cut, because this became too long 

Prologue:

-        Opening with the Jonah and the whale story rocks. We are all in the belly of the whale. Made the audience part of the show immediately. Let’s get on the Pequod together why don’t we.

-        Manik Choksi stepped onstage, wearing a baggy water-splashed jacket, and I was hooked. He was the perfect Ishmael and I had that thought no less than 30 times throughout the show. Perfect casting. Perfect man.

-        First we got a little introduction into the history of the theater and the book itself. The show broke the fourth wall often, critiquing both Herman Melville’s writing and the state of the world as it stands today. Sometimes this felt a little on-the-nose (my friend reflected she would have liked more show-don’t-tell tactics) but it’s also an interesting way to be a critical consumer of media while still enjoying the original story. The Melville bust and the physical book Moby Dick were both on stage the entire show.

Part 1:

-        And then, “Call me Ishmael” – chills. It’s a damp drizzly November in his soul and we are heading off to sea.

-        Starbuck, Stubb, and Flask had this wonderful repeating joke where each of them had to say the other two names any time they all interacted and it was good fun. Each shipmate got introduced, perhaps a little quickly but they all did develop further later. Queequeg even said he would get his own song in a bit.

-        Queequeg’s own song really did not work for me. It was a bit too campy. It followed Ishmael’s strong desire to not share a bed with a cannibal in the book, but it was still goofy. I keep going back and forth on how goofy I am comfortable with the first half of the show being, to really contrast it with the darker later half, but this song was a bit much for me. It ended with some great cuddling, and I would have liked some quiet dialogue between Ishmael and Queequeg while they were holding each other in bed.

-        Tom Nelis as Ahab KILLED IT. (well the show, not the whale). He looked like an absolute corpse of a man in respectable captain garb. The physical acting he did to walk and sit with his ivory leg was astounding.

-  ��     I honestly just really loved the casting for this show. I could make a separate point for everyone. But Starr Busby as Starbuck really needs her own point. She was commanding and human and torn and excellent.

-        DEATH TO MOBY DICK! Intense green lights and music as Ahab touched the lances and then poured shots into the harpoons. It was exciting! It was only border-line concerning. We are descending, but we have not yet descended.

Five minute pause:

-        Manik made eye contact with me

-        He picked volunteers for part 2. I was not picked to be a volunteer but he sure did pick the guy right next to me and told him he could “tell your friend all about it!” so Manik also talked about me

Part 2:

-        Audience volunteers were ushered onto the stage and adorned in red ponchos as they were warned of a splash zone.

-        Cetology was perfect. I unironically enjoyed this notoriously terrible book chapter so you bet your ass I shared Ishmael’s child-like excitement as he named all the whales that cast members brought out in puppet-form. This song could have been longer. It could have been much longer. It became a running joke to cut Ishmael off when he was about to go on a tangent and I just want to live in a world where Manik is given the time and space to infodump eight hours of whale anatomy to me and me alone.

-        Then four little boats on wheels came up out of the stage and the audience volunteers were each rounded up by a cast member and put in a boat. This took a bit of time (honestly, as fun as the volunteers are, I could see this being where the show would be shortened first) but I had a stupid grin on my face the whole time and the boats went around the stage, commanded by the crew with harpoons at the ready.

-        Stubb killed a whale and the use of puppetry here was my favorite in the show. A whale made of crumpled plastic water bottles was brought to center stage and took it’s last shuddering breaths. Someone crouched inside the puppet to make it breathe shallow and raspy, and to spray some ‘blood’ in the direction of the audience volunteers.

-        Fedallah broke the fourth wall and gave a wonderful critique of the Melville’s inability to give this character any depth. Again, this teetered between good exploration and on-the-nose preaching for me. It’s clear we are not just watching a Moby Dick adaptation, but we are also part of an important literary critique. Would all of the critique have been better off in the prologue, or is it useful to interrupt the flow of the story for this sort of discussion? I’m still not sure. The more I think about it, the more I liked it woven in the story because it’s reflective of how we end up consuming media, but it caught me off guard at first because it’s unusual in a setting where characters are delivering a story. Again, maybe that’s a good thing.

-        The whale as a dish was stupidly fun. Lots of props for whale parts and buckets of blood and a very enthusiastic Stubb. Kalyn West was bouncy and limber and was very adept at dealing with her pipe the whole time. Another example of a goofy song to contrast the darkness later. I enjoyed it a lot.

-        Cast and volunteers then all sat in a circle around the stage and squeezed some sperm. Queequeg waved Ishmael over to sit next to him and they shot each other cute glances during the song.

-        The Pequod met the Bachelor and the sailors danced on the platform right next to me. Dawn Troupe shook my hand at the end of it bless

-        Tashtego and Daggoo sat up in the crow’s nest and interpreted whale song. Some of their dialogue felt stilted but Tash had a beautiful song.

-        Starbuck confronting Ahab and then Ahab pulling a gun on Starbuck…INTENSE. Man, Starbuck really shined for me here.

Intermission:

-        Shout out to the crew members that have to mop up whale blood for this 15 minute chunk of time

Part 3:

-        We’re in Pip hours babey. Maybe I would have liked Pip’s character to have been developed more before this part. It was developed retrospectively throughout part 3 but some sprinkling of Pip in 1 and 2 could have worked for me.

-        I’ve seen better analyses of tambourine than I could write rn so I’m not gonna get too deep into it. But, I agree that the race elements could have been handled different? Better? Get Dave a co-writer maybe? The thing about gender was odd to me. I’m also curious about the cast’s thoughts on this one. I ALSO agree that this song slaps. It’s been the one most consistently stuck in my head. And Morgan Siobhan Green’s acting/dancing/writhing really stood out to me.

-        Loved Pip in the whaleboat while the rest of the cast billowed a big blue sheet in the middle of the stage. The song about Pip being left behind in the water was haunting.

Part 4:

-        Part 4 was by far my favorite. Holy shit. This part felt the most uniform and really solidified the show for me as Good Theater. If there was a way to preserve some of the goofiness from part 2 but also develop the characters throughout in the way they were treated in part 4, that would be ideal. Like I REALLY loved part 4.

-        Got some good Queequeg and Ishamel moments here. I am disappointed their relationship wasn’t highlighted even more. Other than their songs, they held hands center stage together at one point (during Fedallah’s prophecy I think?). Which like, fine, but also Melville married them so that could have happened too.

-        “No one grew into anything new, we just became the worst of what we were.” Well dAMN. Excellent summation of the story right there. Ishmael kept repeating this haunting line, and then it kept repeating in my head till the end. Perfect.

-        Sextet rocked so hard everyone had a different conflict they were working out and different musical themes and Starbuck shined because Starbuck shined the whole time but wow I loved it. Ahab is all focused on a new leg and harpoon, meanwhile Queequeg is sick and only Ishmael is helping him. And Stubb and Flash hanging off the crow’s nest saying in dissonant unison “shall we lower Mr. Starbuck” really highlighted Starbuck’s great desire to not lower. *Chef’s kiss*

-        And y’all. When they chased Moby Dick. Three ropes came out of the front of the stage that they all pulled on and big BRIGHT lights (think Anatole in great comet) shown into the audience. There was slow motion rope pulling as the cast swayed and struggled. It was so visually beautiful and it worked so well.

-        And then I wanted to hug Ishmael but I want to do that a lot.

Bottom line, this was not a favorite of mine and I think it still needs some restructuring and rewriting to really be coherent and final, but I enjoyed it a lot. The pit and crew and cast and design team all worked incredibly hard. This must have been a marathon for the performers! I have a lot more thoughts that are still developing, which I also like. I want to leave a theater and continuing thinking about the show. I’m excited to see how this musical reckoning might change over time.

[ajoraverse]

Does anyone care? Nah ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . But this meme crossed my main dash so I’m gonna answer it here because I know no one would actually play memes with me anymore. This is the Beta AU post; FFV will be separate.

What OC has the biggest family? How do they get along? I mean, Alfredot has been creating gems for thousands of years by the time she stopped. She generally gets along well with them, for how little time she’s able to spend with them before they get shipped out.

What OC has/is a mentor? Alfredot both had a mentor and has been one. And in better years, she was a fair one. It’s just been in the past 5000 years that she broke and became that one jerk teacher no one likes but is the only one who teaches Advanced Exogeology.

What OC has a huge group of friends? I’m not sure if Skinny/Twig counts because she’s based on a bit canon character, but definitely her. She tends to get along with everyone.

What OC has a small, close group of friends? Mist never makes friends easily, and a lot of that is because of trauma, but she sticks to them when she can.

What OC has, like, one friend? Alfredot used to have a larger pool, but all her friends are either dead or have been driven away by 5000 years of her being a bitter asshole. 

What OC is the Mom Friend? Twig

What OC really needs the Mom Friend around? Bear could honestly really use a friend, given her difficulties, but not a lot of people want to make the effort to slow down for her.

Which OCs are an old married couple (literally or figuratively)? Alfredot and Mist, if they ever reunite

What is your favorite platonic relationship between  your OCs? Twig and Mouse, easily. They’re both so laid back that they can shoot the breeze for years and not get annoyed with each other.

What is your favorite familial relationship between your OCs? Look, Prasiolite was Alfredot’s daughter and I’m sorry I never got to really explore that.

What is your favorite romantic relationship between your OCs? I really love exploring taboo and complicated relationships, so it was always gonna be Alfredot and Mist.

Which two OCs are the most different from each other? Oh, goodness, Twig and Copper are as different as night and day. Up until Twig gets all Ahab, anyway.

Which OCs complement each other the best? This is a good question and I think Twig would be good for helping Burgundy and Copper to step down on the intensity a bit.

Which OCs get along the best with each other? Oh, gosh, probably Sunstone and Twig, if they ever met. Twig would find Sunstone’s genuine desire to do good to be refreshing, and Sunstone would look up to Twig’s unwillingness to let anything get to her.

Whch OCs get along the worst with each other? Copper and Albite (who may or may not be one and the same, opinion pending) would, ironically, find Sunstone’s optimism and goodwill aggravating.

Which OCs don’t know each other, but would get along great if they did? Despite Albite’s disapproval with how pearls are made, she would approve of Copper’s attempts at revolution--mostly what she hates is inaction and compliance. She would also be more approving of Alfredot’s efforts at fueling and informing Copper’s revolution if she had any idea Alfredot would eventually grow a spine. And oh, goodness would Albite love Bismuth and Pearl.

Which OCs don’t know each other, but would hate each other if they did? Sunstone and Star Sapphire do actually know of each other, and Star Sapphire does manipulate Sunstone, but Sunstone would loathe the way Star Sapphire plays behind the scenes (despite, well, doing her own manipulations--Star Sapphire operates out of a necessary distance because she’s ancient beyond belief, Sunstone is still young enough and well-meaning enough to believe the best of people).

Which OCs would make the worst couple? Oh god I cannot see Albite with anyone, she’s too dedicated to her movement and it occupied her every thought. Likewise with Copper.

What’s the strangest way two (or more) OCs have met? Mist might have made a very loud wark when meeting Twig, who was the first of her gems to have met her.

Which non-related OCs have known each other the longest? Star Sapphire and Alfredot.

Which OCs knew each other the shortest time before becoming close friends? Look, Twig will befriend everyone at a moment’s notice.

Which OCs spend the most time together? Stoneshaper is actually the gem who spends the most time with Mist post-corruption, because she likes a captive audience and Mist doesn’t mind her making things in front of her.

Which OCs have fought with each other the most? The triplets fight with everyone, tbh. They’re soldiers without purpose and need a guide.

Do any OCs have friends they haven’t met in person? Not really. Most of them have met at least once. Moonstone had acquaintances she only met through the network, but as she is so detached from everything due to sheer age, she doesn’t grow close to anyone.

Do any OCs have imaginary friends? Nope

Does OC have a hard or easy time making friends? Alfredot has a harder time making friends the older she gets.

How did OC meet their best friend? Peach Pearl was just dropped in Sunstone’s lap one day. And it was a rocky start (haha), but they do get to be close friends.

How did OC meet their worst enemy? Well, see, Lapis dragged Jasper under the sea and forced a fusion for months and Twig hated her since.

How did OC meet their significant other? If OC does not have a SO, do they want one? Sunstone being genuinely ace, she’s just as happy to be bffs with someone.

How does OC get along with their parents? Alfredot got on very well with her maker. Well enough to be apprenticed to her.

Does OC have siblings? Do they get along if they do? Do they wish they had some if they don’t? Twig has plenty of siblings, some she gets along with better than others. But it’s with Jasper that she has the most sibling-like relationship.

Does OC have or want kids? Twig has so many human kids, you guys.

Is OC/Would OC be a good parent? Twig is the best parent. She will drop everything for the kids, even if none of them came from her body. They were her wives’ kids, so they’re her kids too.

What is something unusual OC has bonded with someone over? It’s not been explored at all, but Alfredot started bonding with Albite over ship building and maintenance.

What is the most important relationship in OC’s life? I actually want to say Albite and Alfredot, if just because Albite’s movement and eventual death ended up influencing Alfredot’s life up until she ended up freeing Mist, shuttling freed pearls to the pearl enclave on the first colony, and enabling Copper’s revolution.

How has OC been affected by their friendships? They’ve all been influenced by friendships.

How has OC been affected by their family relationships? Twig is the biggest family girl because of her relationships with other Beta gems

How has OC been affected by their romantic relationship(s) or lack thereof? Losing Mist may have made Alfredot bitter and wholly unlikeable to everyone who has to take her exogeology classes, but Mist was sort of the final element to push Alfredot into her revolutionary support role.

Who does OC consider they have learned their most important life lesson from? Albite sort of set up the scaffolding for Alfredot’s life lessons, but Mist pulled her back enough to see that the scaffolding was there all along.

Who motivates OC? So many things motivate Alfredot, but primarily Albite and Mist.

Who would OC do anything for? Look, Alfredot will give everything to have Mist back.

Who would OC do anything to not have to deal with? If Alfredot never has to deal with Blue Diamond again and not also betray the gems she made, she’ll go rogue at a moment’s notice.

How does OC meet most people? Alfredot mostly meets people through work.

How long does it take OC to open up to people? Alfredot? centuries. Sunstone? minutes, but she always keeps Heliodor to herself.

How much do OC’s friends know about their private life? Most of my OCs are very private people, due in large part to living in an oppressive society in which the walls actually have eyes and ears

How does OC act differently after they know someone better? Alfredot gets a lot less forbidding if she approves of someone.

Who is OC’s favorite person? Alfredot was nice to Sunstone and treated her like an equal, so Sunstone looks up to her a lot and this always mystifies Alfredot.

Who is OC’s least favorite person? The amount of hate Alfredot has for Blue Diamond can be measured on galactic scales, but she would never actually acknowledge it.

Is there anyone OC used to be very close to, but no longer is? Star Sapphire actually does know Moonstone, and they were friends once upon a time. But as they are both old on the scale of nearly a million years, they’ve drifted apart.

What aspects of OC have, consciously or unconsciously, come from someone else? Alfredot kinda gets up the courage to do more than just mourn her losses from Mist.

[fourteenacross]

moby-dick thoughts at last

Okay, I’m going to see Moby-Dick one last time tomorrow and I still really want to get my broader thoughts down. I wrote the following as emails to a couple friends who saw it and wanted to chat about it, so I’m just going to put it here for posterity and maybe add more tomorrow night?

I'm still all over the place, though, so I'm going to answer this in no particular order, heh.

First off, some things I love:

Everything about part two is just like candy for me. The audience participation, the anachronistic theme park announcement, the silliness, the way that Choksi pulls out that pointer and keeps collapsing it to make one more comment, then pulls it out again, then collapses it again to make ONE MORE COMMENT. I love the puppets and the puppet show aspect of it. I love how much fun the cast seems to be having! Watching it is fucking delightful, it’s the reason that I’m a member of the ART and the reason I love Malloy’s weirdness and the reason I love weird regional theatre.

The performances are stellar, of course, and there’s a lot of emotion, especially in part four. Starr Busby as Starbuck blows the fucking doors off the place and while I am usually fairly femme4femme, that fucking costume she wears is A LOT for my tiny gay heart to handle, okay? Choksi is brilliant, of course--perfect perfect PERFECT, I cannot imagine a single other person in this role. It’s so weird, I was watching some old Comet clips a couple weeks ago and it’s CRAZY how the beard and the attitude turn him into an entirely different person. (I know, that’s how acting works, but still.) I don’t particularly care about Ahab, but I love basically everyone else? Tashtego and Daggoo’s little asides throughout were particularly good. I loved the use of Dawn Troupe as everyone who’s NOT on the Pequod and her costumes were stellar and that bit where she’s the Rachel in part four is INCREDIBLE. 

The music is also incredible. I’m not like, smart about music, but it manages to keep incorporating like, melodies and refrains again and again to bring the different sections together and it was....good. He musiced good, that Dave Malloy. Good on him.

“The Pacific.” Oh god. That song alone could kill me.

The costumes were great, the set is amazing, and overall it’s just...fun. I had a good time! It’s a 3.5 hour musical and the only parts where I thought, “Oh god, this is long” were a couple of Ahab’s songs. I was never bored! It is a wild, sprawling work, but even though parts of it didn’t work for me, nothing turned me off entirely, which is saying a lot for something that long and intricate.

(Also, to be clear, I haven’t read the book! I saw a few review on the internets where people were like, “If you haven’t read the book, you won’t be able to follow it at all!” which I have to say is untrue. I read a couple of the first chapters in a class in college, fifteen (!!!!!) years ago, but I didn’t so much as wikipedia the thing over the entire course of preparing for this show. I meant to, but I never got around to it. And despite that, I had no problem following it or enjoying it?)

Anyway, onto the criticisms.

So, I agree with a lot of what you said. Some of it is def intentional--I remember either Rachel or Malloy saying in an interview that most adaptations are focused entirely on Ahab, when he largely exists more as sort of this weird, menacing figure who occasionally drops in to be obsessed and then disappears again. But there's def a lot of messiness that I think is the result of trying to do too many things in a very limited amount of time. I would have LOVED to see the seven hour version for comparison's sake. I think the tonal shift is intentional as well, but I don't know that it 100% works for me? Like, I get that Pip's section of the book is fascinating and I get that he wanted to draw the parallels to Pip and the lost boys and Ishmael in part four, but I honestly think a lot of that could stand to be cut. It could be a great stand alone piece, but the things it sets up don't justify the length of it. If they used that time instead to set up some of the despair in part four, I think the tonal shift wouldn't feel so abrupt as well.

The framing device is also a weird choice to me. Like, I love Choksi's performance of it, and I would hate to lose some of those bits, but I feel like, to justify it being in there, you need a follow-up after act four? It would space out three "character" breaks--the prologue, the Fedallah monologue, and then something like an afterword--and do a better job of actually "framing" the show. But also, honestly, I think it would work just as well to take it out all together. It feels like kind of a foreword? And I think that would be better served as like, a note in the program ahead of the bibliography. It's such a fucking weird choice to open out of character and then never really return to that? Like, you can have Ishmael address the audience and break the fourth wall and be anachronistic and not need that weird set up, I promise, Malloy.

(I love reading the bibliographies in playbills at Malloy shows. That has nothing to do with anything, it's just a dumb thing I like, haha)

I would have loved to see some more time devoted to developing Starbuck and developing the relationship between Ishmael and Queequeg, which, again, I feel like there would have been space to do if they got rid of some of the Pip stuff. Especially because Starbuck carries so much of part four, and I would die for Starr Busby and she can definitely shoulder that weight, but the narrative needs to shoulder some of it too. I'm glad that he made Ishmael and Queequeg explicitly a queer couple, but I feel like there's a line between "this is quietly happening in the background and not of importance to the narrative" and "this happened almost entirely off-screen and people who need 'explicit' confirmation of things aren't going to understand it, entirely." I feel like the average cis het folks seeing this show would very easily be like, "Oh, they're slow dancing and holding each other like friends do!!! :)" not out of any malice, but because it wouldn't even occur to them to look at it any other way.

To answer your last question: this is definitely NOT going to broadway any time soon, if at all. It's def still in the development stages and I don't think he has his eye on broadway for it. It's too long and too weird and too much, and I think he knows that. So I feel like it's important to not hold it up to the same metric as the out of town tryouts that the ART normally does? Like, it's not going to compare to Waitress or JLP or even Comet, which had very inventive staging but was a very simple story and fairly well hammered out by the time it was in Cambridge? Which doesn't give it a free pass or anything--it's def still very messy. But I feel like it's mess is different as a piece in development than it would be as an out of town, you know? And I really like that there's a place in regional theatre for weird, messy, experimental things that aren't necessarily aiming for that level of commercial success.

So my tl;dr is that I agree with a lot of your criticisms and think it needs a whole lot of work going forward, but also I kind of loved it for what it was, warts and all, and I'm going back to see it again tomorrow, SO XD

[serahsanguine]

School, Sex and Subterfuge NC-17

Chapter 6 of?

part one, part Two,  part 3, part 4, part 5,  AO3

tagging @today-in-fic @skullsmuldon @foxystarbucks

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Chapter 6;  Situations

Mulder walked towards the Lone Gunman, as they called themselves, which was on the other side of campus. He finally arrived at their newspaper office and knocked on the door, hearing a faint come in. He walked into the office looking around seeing only Frohike there.

Frohike turned in his swivel office chair, turning away from the computer.

“Mulder my man, how are you?”

“I’m good Frohike. Are the other two in lectures?”

“Yeah man, I’m just writing this week's article. What brings you down here anyway? That little redhead causing you trouble?”

“No, she fine,”  Mulder face lit up on thinking about Scully.

“Oh man, you’ve got it bad. Not that blame you, she is pretty hot.” Mulder gave him a hard glair. Frohike laughed. “You know I won’t touch her. If this gets serious, though, promise you will bring her around.”

“You know that won’t happen. Rule one: don’t get emotionally involved.”

Frohikie gave him a sceptical look and thought ‘yeah, we will see how far that gets you’. Instead, he said nothing more on the subject and took the conversation in another direction.

“How’s Sam?”

“She’s good as far as I know.” I really should call her. “Do you mind if I stay for an hour or so until my next lecture?”

“Sure, you know what to do.”

Mulder walked in and went to one of the spare computers, he got to work and carried on chatting away to Frohike.

**********************************************************

Scully checked the time, she had about 30 minutes to grab some lunch before she had to go to her next lecture. She made quick haste to the small cafeteria as she had no time to go to her usual spot today. Grabbing a small salad and a bottle of water she went to meet Serah by the water fountain.

10 minutes later Scully was walking there expecting to see Serah hanging around with her friends. Instead, she spotted her alone in the shade, wearing a long sleeve jumper. She thought it was a bit odd but decided not to question her friend’s clothing choice. Scully looked again: she had to admit her friend did look quite beautiful. It wasn't necessarily the pose that her friend was in; but about how causal she seemed, her defences were down, she looked at peace. The leaves were scattered around her feet, the mix of green, brown, yellow and orange, contrasting against the green grass as well as Serah’s black jeans. She quickly got out her mobile opening the camera app and took a quick photo.

She walked over to Serah, lightly tapping her on the shoulder, which made Serah jump.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” Scully said apologetically and sat down next to her, kneeling as best she could wearing the skirt she had picked, which as of today had become one of her favourites.  

“It’s okay Dana. I was reading some biography on Van Gogh, quite fascinating actually.”

“I’m sure it is.” Scully was smiling to herself, suddenly not paying attention. Warm memories of her escape that happened no less than an hour before flooded her brain.

“Well someone got laid this morning,” Serah said with a smirk and lightness to her voice.

“Umm, what was that?”

“Nothing,” Serah started laughing. “That’s a nice cologne you’re wearing,” and started laughing even harder when her friend turned a bright red.

Damn my Irish skin and also, shit! Do I smell of him? Do I smell of sex?

Serah started hiccuping, she was laughing so hard. When she finally managed to calm herself down she could see the worried expression on Scully’s face.

“Dana don’t worry I can’t smell him on you,” she leant towards her friend and smelled her skin. “Also you don’t smell of sex either, you have done a very good job with your perfume.”

Scully faced Serah and gave her a sceptical look: “How did you know then?”

“You were smiling. I haven’t seen you generally smile like that unless you’re thinking about a certain professor of ours,” the last part was a whisper so no one could hear her.

“Well yes, something did happen and I’m not going to discuss it so out in the open. While we are on the subject, I have the document for you to sign.”

“Thank you,” she looked at her watch “Dana, we must get going or we’re both going to be late for our lectures.”

Scully put away what she had of her lunch, and Serah put away her book amongst other things and both headed towards their lectures.

//  

A few weeks passed. Serah had indeed signed the document which leads to more sex which pleased them both. They were both enjoying their routine of Scully either being called to Mulder's office or her randomly turning up. Neither one were complaining, she was getting the best orgasms of her life and so was he. They enjoyed each other’s company but neither one was ready to admit to it. She was getting straight A’s and being true to his word she was not failing in his class.

Thanksgiving was just around the corner. Scully was looking forward to the welcome break away from school. It would be nice to see Mellissa again. She promised she would make it back from her trip in time and stay way past winter break.

On the flip side, Mulder was looking forward to seeing his sister again. She was making her way back from San Francisco for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and staying with him, first of all in the house he owned nearby and then in their father's old house in the Vineyard. Since both the parents died, he hadn’t had the heart to sell it, he instead rented it out for months at a time. That was why Sam was his whole world, they were all each other had.

*****************************************************

Scully had arrived at her mother's house. Dumping her bags by her side she gave her mum a long hug. She had missed her terribly.

“I thought I was going to pick you up from the airport Dana?”

“You were Mom, but I got an early flight. Is Ahab here?”

“Yes, he just went to the grocery store to pick up the fresh fruit and veg for tomorrow. Pick up your bags and put them in your room and if you want a small nap there are fresh sheets on the bed.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Scully picked up her bags and walked up the stairs. Dumping them at the foot of the bed, taking off her jacket, she laid down and went for a small nap. It had been a long flight and an even longer day.

She woke up. The smell of a home cooked dinner mixing in with the smell of one of Melissa incenses. One thing was for certain: she had missed being home and spending time with the family.  

She wandered downstairs and peered through to the kitchen: mom and Ahab were putting the finishing touches on dinner. Bill, Melissa and Charlie were already sat at the table.

“Hey Starbuck, go sit down, dinner’s nearly ready,” her dad said before wandering back into the kitchen.

Scully peeked around the corner to see him hug her mom around the hips and kissing her on the cheek. She smiled. Maybe someday I will have a relationship like this.  

She walked back through to the dining room and Missy looked up and jolted away from the table the chair scraping slightly on the wood floor hugging her sister fiercely.

“Missy I can’t breathe!”

“Sorry.” She let go of her sister and sat back down.

“You need to tell me all about Europe.”

“And you need to tell me all about that guy,” Missy said a bit to loudly.

Bill instantly stopped talking to Charlie and looked in Scully’s eyes with a fierceness “What guy, Dana?”  

“There is no guy , Bill ” She put emphasis on both the guy and his name.

She matched his look with one of her own. And it turned into a staring contest. No more than 5 minutes later the spell was broken with the sound of their parents walking in and setting the food on the table.

“What is it, Mom? It smells amazing,” asked Charlie in such a young voice. Barely 15 and the only one left still living at home.  

“Nanna’s family recipe for beef stew, with some fresh carrots potatoes and broccoli.”

All the family smiled, it was one of everyone’s favourites.

//

An hour later, the beef stew eaten, no one had room for dessert. Charlie had gone into his room, and Bill into his. The girls had sat down in theirs after helping clean up. They kept talking about the visits away from home.

“Europe was amazing, so many different cultures. Such beautiful architecture. I brought so many new crystals and learnt so much more over there than I ever would have over here.”

“Sound’s amazing Missy. Are you going back?”

No, I don't think so. I have an art placement at the museum, working on restoring old paintings.”

“Are you staying in Maryland?”

“Actually I have been thinking of getting a flat in Washington and that way it means less commute.”

“Congratulations.”

She was happy for Missy, she would be able to call whenever she wanted and always have her to fall back on if she ever got in trouble. Which she could not have done if she was still in Europe.

“Enough about me. How’s School?”  

“School’s fine I'm doing well, making good friends, the usual.” She shrugged, her shoulders trying to deflect the conversation away from her. Missy was having none of it.

“You meet any cute guys?”

“No.”

Scully was a little too quick with her reply.

“Ok good. Well, then I’m going to go ahead and set you up on that date.”

“Wait, what date?”

“Just a date with a guy I knew from high school.”

“No Missy, please don’t,” she pleaded with her sister.

“Why? Have you got some hot date waiting for you back at school?”

Missy was teasing her and she knew it but she still squirmed under her sister scrutiny and she could also tell Missy was enjoying every minute of it.

“No!”

Missy picked up her mobile, and mock dialled a number.

“Ok, I have someone,” Scully finally admitted.

“Go on.”

“Well, he is older than me, he’s in my Psych class. He has kind hazel eyes, mousey brown hair. A body to die for.” She trailed off and smiled thinking about Mulder.  

“Well, well, well. It sounds like you are quite acquainted with this person’s anatomy by the glint in your eyes and that big old cheesy grin you have.”

Scully turned bright red in front of her sister and she knew she was gone.

“What’s his name?”

“I’m not saying,” Scully didn’t want to break the contract by revealing her relationship with Mulder.

“You love him,” Missy stated.

“I do not.”

She was sharp and fast with the reaction to her sister’s statement. But the truth was she didn’t know what she was feeling for him. She knew there was an attraction but not how far her feelings ran.

“It would be breaking the rules anyway, no attachments and that way we can both walk away.”

“If you say so, Dana. But I can tell these things and I’m certain he feels the same way.”

“Shut up Missy, you know I don’t believe in that new age shit.”

“Oh Dana, that language. Does Daddy know you talk that way?”

“Who do you think I learnt it from?”

They both fell into a fit of giggles and laughs, Mellissa dropping the subject for now. Until the time felt right to bring it up again.

*********************************************

Samantha had arrived in the wee hours of the morning. Mulder had picked her up not trusting the cab drivers that early in the morning with his baby sister. He let her sleep most of the day while he graded papers and daydreamed about a certain redhead. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice his sister walk in the room.

“Fox, who’s got you all dreamy eyed?”

“Humm, no one.”

He placed the last assignment in front of him. Turning to look at his sister in her ¾ trousers and vest top, hair in two braids. He smiled and watched her walk through to the kitchen turning on the coffee machine leaning against the side. She turned around to look at him.

“I know you’re lying big brother, wait till I have had some coffee. Once I wake up and we’re going to discuss this.”

“Nothing to discuss Sam.”

She threw him a look that said everything that needed to be said and he reluctantly knew he was going to have to talk to her about Scully.

Sam made her coffee and sat down opposite Mulder on the sofa. She took a few sips: he could tell she instantly felt better.

“So, Fox, I see you broke the biggest rule.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“You’re going for plausible deniability, interesting.” She sat back on her seat, crossing her legs in front of her, nursing her still steaming cup of coffee. She was smirking at him.

“Sam, I haven’t broken any rule,” he said slightly aggravated now.

“Who is she? I know you can’t tell me her name because that would make two rules on broken.”

He couldn’t help but notice the slight comment but decided to ignore it for now.

“She has fiery red hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. The kind you get lost in. She’s sweet, kind, passionate about her studies and loves to challenge me.”

“So she is the perfect woman for you,” she said mockingly.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”  She drank the last sip of her coffee, placing the empty mug on the coffee table.

“I love you, Sam, but you’re reading too much into this. Yes, she is a good student and a wonderful woman, but that’s as far as it goes”

“We shall see, won’t we?” She picked up her cup and proceeded to the kitchen, leaving him to his thoughts.

Did his feelings run deeper than he wanted to admit to himself? Did he see himself spending a future with Scully? But Sam was right: that was breaking the most precious rule he had set out. Never fall in love with the person you’re sleeping with. Never let your guard down. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Sam talk to him.

“You order the pizza and I will put on Silence of the lambs.”

****************************************

Thanksgiving was a good experience on both parts. They each enjoyed spending time with family. Melissa didn’t bring up the guy situation again. And Sam didn’t bring up the situation of Mulder falling for his student.

They had been back in School for about a week now. They hadn’t really had time to speak to each other. They said their quick hello’s in the gym each morning. He was busy with his lectures and she was busy making sure she had all of her assignments in and to a good standard.

He had found time on Friday’s lunch break to send her an email.

From: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

To: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Your Assignment.

Dear Scully, I would like to meet you in my office at 6.30pm to discuss the assignment that is due next week.

Yours Faithfully, Mulder.

Scully was at lunch when she received the email. Serah had just finished her club sandwich, and she was twirling her salad around with a fork. She read the email and her face lit up. She had missed him a little more than she liked to admit but this would probably be the last time they would meet up before they all went on winter break.

She wanted to tell him about her sister’s notorious idea of trying to get her on a date. They talked about Mellissa in the past and how she was the wild and free one and Scully herself was the shy one. Mulder had simply disagreed saying she was very wild in a certain department just remembering that statement made her blush all over again.

“Oh, loverboy messaging you again?” Serah said teasingly

“No, why would you say that?”

“You just get a look on your face that screams ‘I’m having great sex’”

“I do not.” Scully pushed herself away from the table crossing her arms around her chest.

“Yeah, you do.” There was a short pause and Serah turned to her friend and studied her. Dana’s body was tense: she definitely wasn’t amused and in complete denial. “Ok if you do not have any feeling more than just a casual sex relationship you should come to the party tonight. I’m betting there’re lots of young impressionable men and women that you could take advantage off.”

“You know I don’t swing that way,” Scully sharply replied.

“Whatever floats your boat, Dana. Are you coming or not?” she asked a little impatiently.  

“Humph, we will see.”

“Will you text me when you have decided either way?”

“I will do, promise. Now we really should be heading to class,”  she started putting her things in her bag and stood up.

“Sometimes Dana you can be a right stick in the mud” Serah also stood up and got pushed in the shoulder for the remark. “Ow.”

“Oh, poor baby” Scully replied sarcastically even putting on a mock pouty face.

“Shut up” she teasingly said back in the same manner.  

They both broke up into a fit of laughs and giggles walking back to the classes for the day.

//

Mulder had been pacing his office for the last hour. He was nervous; he knew he shouldn’t be, but there was that little nagging feeling that he had in the back of his mind ever since Thanksgiving when Sam pointed out certain things to him. There was soon a femine knock on the door. He turned on his heels and looked up at the clock. There was only one person that could be knocking at the door this time of day but the shadow of the woman was too tall to be Scully.

He walked up to his office door and opened it to find Vice Principal Fowley at his door.

“Good Evening Vice Principal Fowley. What can I do for you this evening?” He said with a sarcastic cheer.  

She walked into his office barging past him.

“Come straight in, why don’t you?” He muttered under his breath.  

“Fox, what are you doing this evening?” Mulder opened his mouth but before he could even get a word out she spoke again. “It doesn't matter, I want to take you to dinner since you’ll free.”

“Well, actually... Diana, I am not free, I have a student coming around. She needs help with her last assignment.”

She leaned close to him, his back flush with the door frame. Her fingers started walking seductively up his chest while whispering in his ear “But Fox I remember how much fun we used to have at dinner and after it.”  It physically made his skin crawl under her touch.

He placed his hand on her upper arms pushing her back slightly and looking her in the eye.

“Maybe once Diana, but that was a long time ago, and never again.”

He was still standing with his back against the door when he heard a woman’s cough from behind him. He turned seeing Scully standing there, her big blue eyes staring at him. God, she looked beautiful, her hair in two low pigtails, her face free of makeup, wearing jean shorts and a black tank top. He licked his lips feeling his heart hammer against his chest.  

“Miss Scully, do come in. Vice Principle Fowley was just leaving.”

Mulder watched Diana take a glance at Scully and her face soured like she had sucked a lemon. Scully smiled at Diana and walked into his office and if he didn’t know any better she put a little extra wiggle in her hips.

“Maybe another time Fox, good evening Miss Scully.”

Diana walked out of the office and out of sight. He instantly breathed a sigh of relief shutting the door behind him giving his full attention to the beautiful fiery redhead standing in his office.  

“So, professor, you have been busy”

He looked at her and her face was blank. They stared at each other and he watched her lips curl up at the corners and a full grin broke and a very girly laugh filled the room.

“Sit down Scully tell me how seeing your family went.”

They walked through to his private office and she sat on the sofa. He watched her, and couldn’t help staring at her ass, licking his lips again as those shorts left little to the imagination. He sat down next to her, his jeans touching the bare skin of her knees. Her hand resting on his leg just above where their knees touched.

“Thanksgiving was nice, Missy was back from Europe and she told me her stories about how exotic the men were there.”

He started kissing her neck, biting, nipping, licking up and down from her ear to the clavicle. His hand moved underneath the hem of her tank top making slow circles with his fingers.

“There’s a funny story, actually, do you want to hear it?”

He stopped kissing her neck and answered in a hoarse whisper.

“Yes”

He moved his hand up her stomach making small horizontal lines underneath her breast feeling her heartbeat underneath his hand. Her breathing was fast and small droplets of sweat were forming on her brow.

"Well while I was down visiting my family, Missy….. Oh, God."

He lifted up her top, so it was now sitting just over her breasts. He took a nipple within his mouth biting down hard, making her back arch away from the sofa and more into him. He greedily took more breast into his mouth and sucked vigorously.

He moved his hand down her stomach and underneath both her jeans and underwear finding her soaking wet for him. He glided his fingers through her wet folds before finding her clit. He played with it and gently flicked it with his fingers before making small circles in it. His mouth started working on her other breast giving it the same attention.

"She tried to set me up on a date," she blurted out.

Upon hearing this something clicked inside him. He couldn't place the sudden feeling within him but there was one emotion overruling them all. He felt anger towards her for the first time since they had met, the prospect of her going out and having sex with someone else made him angry.

He was brought back to reality when he heard Scully moan his name. With his mouth still on her breast his fingers still on her clit he wanted to cum and make her cum hard. He thrashed his fingers in her clit and bit down as hard as he could without drawing blood. He soon felt her body convulse and twitch under him. He smirked in satisfaction and removed his fingers and went and sat back on the chair across from her.

He sat there and watched her come out of the post orgasmic bliss and her realisation that he was sitting across from her. His anger bubbling inside of him.

"Did you agree on the date?" He said with a venomous sneer.

"No, why would I?" He watched the look of confusion come across her face.

"You're a beautiful young woman," he said it more as a statement than an answer.

"That may be true, but I didn't want to."

"Why? It's not like the contract says you can't sleep with anyone else."

"Wait, who said I was sleeping with anyone? It was just a date," she spat back angrily, she placed her top back where it was meant to be and stood up.

"Well you sleep with me, don't you? So I wouldn't be  surprised that a 'date' would turn into sex?" He was fuming with anger now. If there could be steam coming out of his ear there would be.

"Fuck you Mulder! I have no idea what has gotten into you but I am not your personal punching bag."

"We have done that several times."

"Maybe you should go sleep with Diana. Every student knows how well that went down." She walked out of his office and slammed the door behind her leaving him still seated staring at the door.

//

She walked down the hall ready to punch and scream at anything that got in her way. Why had he treated her like that after just giving her one of the best orgasms of her life? She hated him so much right now. She got her mobile out of her bag and punched number two on her speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Serah, are you still going to the party?"

"Yes, why?"

"Is the offer still open?"

"Of course! Does that mean you going?" Scully heard the change in her friend's voice; she went from sounding bored too very excited in 30 seconds flat.

"Yes. When are you leaving?"

"I was going to leave in 30 minutes, but now I need to help you with an outfit and makeup and hair."

"Thank you, I will be there in about ten."

"See ya then!"

Scully heard the dial tone and put the phone back in her bag. She was kind of glad Serah didn't ask about Mulder. She didn't want to get into it right now with anyone. She wanted to get drunk and forget about it.

1 Hour and 30 minutes later

Frat house

9.30pm

Serah and Scully were walking up towards the frat house with its disco light shining out of the windows illuminating the dark sky. The music could be heard from a mile away, and the vibrations could be felt while getting closer. They stood outside with drunk couples kissing and fornicating on the front punch. There were even a few people already passed out drunk sleeping on the grass.

Scully was wearing a slimline short lace dress with a sweetheart neckline. It wasn’t the dress she was comfortable in, and it was certainly not a dress she would ever buy. But as Serah pointed out, she wouldn’t care as soon as the alcohol kicked in, and she was right. She also pointed out that this dress would catch anyone's eye whether they were male or female.  She wore black stiletto heels making her seem a little bit taller and her slim legs longer. Her hair was wavy curling framing her face, her make up smooth with a smokey eye, and a deep red lipstick making her cheekbones and smile define her face.

Serah was wearing a spaghetti strapped crop corset with high waisted black leather look trouser with simple strappy heels. Sometimes she wished she had Serah’s confidence. But tonight wasn’t about sad thoughts it was about forgetting them entirely.

They walked arm in arm passed the people fornicating, passed the people asleep into the house in search for drinks to knock them senseless.

A few hours later

Scully was sitting on a brick wall, her heels next to her. Her feet freely swinging in the air. She was staring into the dark sky, watching the darkness floating, disappearing, swirling around the twinkling of the city lights. Her body was buzzing from all the alcohol consumed. She was lost in thought when she felt a warm feminine shoulder touch her shoulder and glide across her shoulder blade. She turned to see Serah sitting down next to her in someone's jacket.

“What are you staring at?”

“Nothing, just thinking.”

“No thinking tonight, you promised,” Serah pouted lightly pushing Scully’s shoulder.

“I know. Jesus, Serah, how many have you had?”

Serah swayed slightly before answering “Oh I lost count after the third or fourth shot,”  she placed her hand on top of Scully’s. “Why did you decide to come?”

“Mulder acting like he doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone. And best of all, he had the Vice principal with him.”

“He didn’t! That bastard...”

“Oh god, I’m too drunk to even think about this right now.”

Scully was momentarily taken back when Serah placed her lips against her own. Soft and succulent, so completely different than kissing a man. But this wasn’t right; this was her friend, her best friend. She is a woman, I don’t have feelings for her, do I? It’s just the booze. Isn’t it? She pulled back.

“Shit, Dana, I’m sorry.”

“I... I... can’t do this.”

“Dana!”

But she didn't listen to the rest of what Serah was saying, she picked up her shoes and went back inside.

Why is today going so wrong? First, it was Mulder, now it is Serah. Fuck this shit! I need a shot or two.

With many more shots consumed it was the early hours of the morning, around 3 o’clock, with what she could work out. Many of the party goes had passed out drunk or gone home. She wanted to go to her room but she didn’t want to see Serah. She started walking not knowing her destination.

This was all Mulder’s fault. She would have never got angry, got drunk, kissed Serah, fell out with her best friend, drank more, got hit on a couple more men...

She pulled out her mobile and started going through her contacts searching for professor Mulder’s name in her phone book. It’s a bad idea but I don’t care. I need to tell him how I feel. She punched dial and put the phone up to her ear listening to the ringing and eventually Mulder’s voice at the other end of the line.

"Hello."

"Prrrofessssoorr Mulderr," she noticed her Ss and Rs rolling, she couldn't help it.

"Scully?"

"No, it'sss your sssex ssslave." She tried to sound seductive but it wasn't working.

"Scully?"

"It'sss all your fault, Mulderrr."  She pouted, as if he could see her. She felt her legs starting to get sore, maybe even already sore. She wasn't really sure anymore. She sat down on the floor, cold and bumpy "If I didn't have feelingsss for you, thisss would neverrr have happened, and I would be getting laid rrright now"

"Scully are you drunk? Are you ok? Where are you?" He sounded aggravated now. Good, now we're getting somewhere.

"Ssshut up Mulderrr, was Diana good company? Or yet, even better, was your hand?" She let out giggle she couldn't help it.

"Scully where are you?" He still sounded angry.

"I'm sitting down, where are you?" She noticed herself starting to sober a little.

"I'm at home. Now, Dana where are you?" Now there was confusion in his voice.

"I'm on Frat Street at the end. I think."

"Stay there, I'm coming to get you."

She didn't even get a reply as she heard the dial tone.

//

Mulder hung up the phone and drove 5-10 minutes to find Scully standing up, holding her heels in one hand, with a frat boy hunting off her hip.

What was she thinking? Getting drunk flaunting herself. Damn it if I will let her get herself into any trouble. He sat for a couple of seconds as the man’s hand went up her dress and lent in to kiss her. She pulled away but he pulled her back.

He stepped out of the car. Making his presence known by fake coughing. Now he was closer he could tell it was a Med student he knew, as Daniel Waterston.

"Miss Scully, are you ok?" he said sternly.

"No, Professor Mulder, but Daniel was just leaving..." her voice wavered.

"Yes, I was just leaving..." and he snuck back into the shadows like a mole burning its way to the earth.

"Dana," he walked up to her.

"I think I'm gonna—"

And she fell and he caught her. He moved her into a better position. She barely weighed anything in his arms. He placed her laying across the back seat of his car making sure she was safe and secure before moving back to the pavement picking up her shoes and placing them in the passenger side of the car next to him. He sat in the driver’s side contemplating where to take her. He soon made the decision and drove her to his apartment.

******************************

Quick note;

 there is a scene in this chapter where Scully and Serah could get it on. Would you like to see this as an alternate scene? or maybe even a future chapter? or not at all? please let me know in the comments. I will also be posting a poll on twitter.

Thank you for Reading I appreciate your feedback good or bad.

[lilydalexf]

👽 X-Files Casefile Fic Recs

There are so many great casefile fics! Here's just a small collection of ones I very much recommend. Also, some authors have written a lot of quality casefile fics too numerous to mention, like all the X-File stories by Joann Humby and Syntax6. For @joelyjo and @frangipanidownunder who asked. After the Ship and The Glimmering Girl by Tesla After Mulder comes back to life. / Mulder works a child abduction with Frank Black, while Scully is away for the weekend, but very much on Mulder’s mind. Antidote by Rachel Howard and Karen Rasch Strange doings in a tiny western town bring Mulder and Scully out to investigate. Once there, they uncover a deadly experiment that may cost both of them their lives. The Ballgame by @dksculder Scully takes a case in her hometown, an old flame causing mixed emotions for her and Mulder. Cold Cuts by Joann Humby When Kersh adds Mulder and Scully to the hunt for a serial killer, everyone’s life gets a little more complicated. Friends, allies and enemies can make for a dangerous team. Confrontation by Jennifer Lyon Mulder and Scully have a Close Encounter of the Third Kind that becomes a deadly race for survival. The Current Temperature in Downtown Washington by Sarah Segretti Unseasonably warm temperatures lure a depressed Mulder and a bored Scully, both still on probation and off the X-files, into an unauthorized road trip that doesn’t turn out the way they’d expected. Not that that’s such a bad thing. The Dreaming Sea by Revely A spectacular sighting in a seaside town brings Scully and Mulder face-to-face with a salt-water surprise. Energy and Light by Oracle Four girls have vanished, each one on a different night. Each one by the light of a full moon. Is it just a coincidence? The Favor by Meredith Mulder and Scully unofficially investigate a case of human experimentation in the 1970s and clear up a few lingering issues between themselves. Set immediately before Leonard Betts. Strong 4th season UST. Finding Rokovoko by Prufrock's Love A case in the Florida Everglades takes Mulder and Scully on a terrifying journey nowhere. The air conditioning and the laws of physics won’t work. She wants dinner and not to die. He dreams of a boy on the beach and not being Captain Ahab. A love story of absolute evil and existential doubt and truth that isn’t found on the free map from the Visitor Center. Gazzaniga by nevdull The mind is a terrible thing to split. Grand Gestures by Revely Disappearing jocks, soaring temperatures and a sweaty Mulder and Scully. All of this and still safe for the underage! Gypsy by Rachel Howard While the agents are investigating a possible UFO sighting in Colorado, Mulder makes a decision about his priorities. Haunted House by Analise Mulder and Scully find themselves taking shelter from a storm in a storybook haunted house. Hide and Seek by SpearmntXP Scully’s inexplicable and sudden departure forces Mulder to make a decision. The Humming Meadow by dbkate Wrapping his arms around her helps and there’s nothing surrounding them except this humming meadow, alive beneath the sun. Indiana Filth by Lasped_Scholar And thus was she consigned to hiking in Indiana in March. She supposes that there are some days when hiking in Indiana in March might actually be pleasant. Mobius by L.A. Ward While investigating the disappearance of a physicist, Scully finds someone she didn’t expect–Mulder. No Greater Love by Karen Rasch Mulder and Scully travel to a small town in Missouri to investigate a series of deaths involving a faith healer. Along the way, questions are raised concerning their relationship and their feelings towards matters of the spirit. Out of Our Minds by Sarah Segretti and haphazard method Two very private people suffer through the ultimate invasion of privacy: Mulder’s new and unwanted sixth sense. oyster by jordan Scully gets laid, but it’s actually integral to the plot. A Path of Salt by Analise Mulder ditches Scully yet again to help an old friend in the Park Service. But Scully has never been one to sit and wait. Rags by Jill Selby Skepticism is put to the ultimate test when Mulder and Scully investigate some bizarre and seemingly unrelated events in a small town. Seeds of Synchronicity by mountainphile Six years after the events of “Aubrey,” Scully and Mulder revisit the Missouri town to confront old demons and lay new ones to rest. Snow in Alabama by Tesla and MaybeAmanda Season 6 MSR Silence, Sea and Sky by Anonymous Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of a young girl who may be the fourth victim of a serial killer and complications ensue when Mulder believes that the girl’s sister has psychic abilities. Skeleton by @lilydalexf A skeleton’s talking, and Mulder and Scully are investigating. As far as casefiles go, this one is on the fluffy side since our agents are pretty busy paying attention to each other. Smoke on the Water by Miss Elise While on a case that takes them to Louisiana, Scully considers the men she has loved in her life. Solving the murder of Ophelia Washington will take all the strength Scully has. Sparks Fly Upward by Vehemently We all know the friction is there. I just gave it tinder to work with. Speechless and Perfect by Anjou A road trip with Mulder and Scully; a trip inside their heads and hearts. While on assignment to A.D. Kersh on a seemingly innocuous case in Nebraska, Mulder and Scully reflect on their relationship and its progress. Tam Lin by Pequod When your local young men disappear, only to turn up dead a year later, sometimes it helps to have friends in high places. Myth and murder combine in a remote Scottish village, and Mulder and Scully investigate. The Fairy Queen is out to revenge the loss of her most prized knight, Tam Lin. Mulder believes but Scully’s not so sure, until Mulder takes a walk in the woods. Theory and Practice by Nascent Scully and Mulder investigate mysterious deaths at a biotechnology company and quickly find themselves at odds over a working hypothesis. Oh yeah, and Scully has cancer. Wing and Prayer by Revely Season 7 casefile set after "En Ami"

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

Scully deals with the aftermath of Mulder’s death.

This is Chapter 11. To go back to the beginning click here.

DEVASTATION

(post This Is Not Happening)

SCULLY

The last time she felt this way was when Ahab died. He was the center of her world, he was everything to her, and right when Mulder began to take over that role in her life her father up and died on her, leaving a hole in her heart she knew she’d never quite be able to fill.

She didn’t blame Mulder for that, obviously. But at the time she blamed herself for feeling that way. She feared she failed her father, that she never lived up to what she believed he’d expected of her. She is at peace with this now, she knows he was her father and loved her no matter what.

But then… then. It had been awful. The pain in her mother’s eyes, her siblings, her own whenever she happened to pass by a mirror.

Mulder had been there for her. He hadn’t yet dealt with the loss of a parent, but his own loss of his sister had been just as devastating. Over the years as they lost family members one by one, loss was something that they shared, leaning upon each other, giving and receiving each other’s pain.

Now, she has no one to share her pain with anymore.

She remembers a similar feeling, multiple times in the past, when she thought she might have lost him. That buried train car in New Mexico. When he’d gotten shot in that bank robbery. The tobacco beetles. The field in North Carolina, which was only a hallucination but the pain she’d felt was very real.

Now she’s lost him forever. She failed him utterly, completely. She wasn’t able to save him. She can barely bring herself to think it, let alone say it. She can’t breathe, can’t function, doesn’t even want to get out of bed anymore.

But she does. She has to, because she still has part of him inside her. The tiny life growing there that against any possible logic or sense somehow has taken hold and thrived.

A miracle. Their miracle.

It’s been weeks now since she buried him. She’d debated performing an autopsy to ascertain his precise cause of death, but the coroner was satisfied that the external damage was sufficient explanation. The FBI certainly wanted to clean their hands of the entire thing, Scully frankly wouldn’t trust another soul to do it, and could never have done it herself. It was indeed a quandary. In hindsight perhaps she’d have made a different decision, but she was in no state at the time. And if she was being honest, she felt nothing she could possibly have turned up would have mattered.

It couldn’t bring him back. Nothing would.

She convinces herself of this in times when she wishes she had more answers; answers she knows would only make her feel worse, not better.

She enters his apartment for what feels like the hundredth time since he went missing. She’s been sleeping here more and more. She knows it’s silly to keep paying his rent but he’s left everything he owns to her in his will and she simply hasn’t been able to face it.

So she delays. Delays removing this place from her life completely. Delays sifting through his memories, most of which will only further break her broken heart. Delays moving on, surviving him.

She doesn’t know how to do that.

The only source of comfort she’s had has been her mother, and there’s only so much she can really share with her. Maggie cared for Mulder unquestioningly over the years, and while Scully hadn’t really confided the complex nature of their relationship to her, she suspected her mother had known the truth of it all along.

She wishes she had someone, anyone to confide in. All her friends from over the years had fallen away as she moved deeper and deeper into Mulder. He had become her rock, her everything, at the expense of all else, and now he’s gone.

She places her hands on her belly, finally beginning to swell, while waiting in the office of her therapist.

Dr. Karen Kosseff had always been a comfort to her in times of stress or need. She hasn’t been to see her in years, and wonders if the doctor will remember anything about her. She does know it’s the only thing she can think of to do; the only person she can think to talk to.

“Dana,” the doctor opens her office door and greets her with a friendly handshake, holding Scully’s hand and gently covering it with her own. She looks just the same, eyes stern but filled with warmth, her short hair cropped a bit closer now.

“Hello, Doctor.” Scully maneuvers herself into the soft couch, and sinks down a bit. Down, down, down, as if she can get any lower.

“I was very sorry to hear about Agent Mulder, Dana. Losing a partner can be just as difficult as losing a family member.”

Scully knows she’s here to talk, but suddenly she can’t. The tears are already welling in her eyes. She just wants to cry and cry and know Dr. Kosseff will not judge or pity or do any of the things most of the people in her life are doing. Maybe that’s the reason she’s here: to cry.

So she does. Her forehead crinkles and she doubles over, heaving and sobbing in a way she hasn’t allowed herself to in front of another soul. Dr. Kosseff moves to the chair beside her and rubs her back.

After a minute or so her cries subside. Her breath hitching, she reaches for the tissues on the table.

“Thank you.” Her voice is small but grateful. She finally looks into the therapist’s eyes and sees something she’s needed to see for weeks: complete and utter understanding.

“How is your new partner dealing with this, with you?” Dr. Kosseff asks.

“Agent Doggett has been supportive, as much as I’ll allow him to be.”

“Will you … allow him to talk to you about Agent Mulder?”

Shaking her head, Scully sighs. “No. We are friendly, but… no.”

“I know you’ve had problems in the past, letting your partner in. Letting him worry, letting him care. Are you having these problems with Agent Doggett?”

Scully looks at her lap. “It’s... different. It’s a completely different situation.”

Dr. Kosseff eyes her, and slowly sits back into her chair. “Dana, I hope you don’t think you need to keep the nature of your relationship with Agent Mulder hidden from me. Anything you say to me is in the strictest confidence.”

Scully looks up, surprised.

“I’ve been listening to you for years, Dana. I’m taking a leap here but I can tell you need someone to talk to about him, and I can’t help you if you aren’t honest with me.”

Scully sighs and looks down again. She supposes there’s little point in hiding the nature of their relationship from the Bureau anymore anyway. “We never told anyone. Although I’m sure AD Skinner knew.”

Dr. Kosseff looks at her sadly. “So... he was your family.”

Scully nods. “It happened so gradually, I hardly noticed it. I’m not used to being so reliant on another person. But he was part of me, and now that he’s gone… I feel like part of me is gone, too.” She laughs softly to herself. “That sounds so cliché, I know.” Dr. Kosseff waits, knowing she has more to say.

“After he disappeared I found out he was very sick. He was actually dying. He’d known for awhile and never told me. I can’t even tell you how upset that made me. I mean… it was me. He’d gone to so many other doctors but never confided in me. Why? Why would he do that?”

Dr. Kosseff looks thoughtful. “Do you think it’s possible he was just afraid to tell you? That he didn’t want to hurt you? That it hurt him to have to tell you something like that?”

Scully considers this. “You may be right, but I can’t help but feel like… like he stole that time from me, from both of us. I thought about back when I was suffering from my cancer. At the time I didn’t realize how lucky I’d been for my family to have that time with me. It was such a strange feeling, knowing I was dying and taking stock. Appreciating the moments we had together. It was a blessing.” She shakes her head. “That slow death knell was actually a blessing.”

She leans forward to take the box of tissues on the table in front of her, still looking at her lap.

“But this? This is absolute torture. This… sudden loss, like a candle has been extinguished and you’re left completely alone in the dark. I know the reason he died had nothing to do with his disease, but the outcome would have been the same if he’d never told me.” She looks down at her hands. “He kept me in the dark, and I hated that feeling. I hated when he did that. I’ve been in the dark as long as I’ve known Mulder. But he was always the one who brought me light. He was always there with me. Whenever things were hard, at least we were always together.”

Dr. Kosseff is silent, listening.

“We didn’t get the slow death knell. We didn’t get to take stock. I would have done things differently if he had told me he was dying. If I knew I’d only have a short time with him, I’d have done so many things differently.”

“What things?”

She finally looks up at the doctor. “I would have told him that I loved him. I would have stopped being afraid. Maybe it would have changed a lot of things. I should have been braver.”

Dr. Kosseff smiles a bit. “It’s funny, isn’t it? How we only think we can be brave when we have a reason to be.”

Scully ponders that. Her mind drifts to the night she went to him in his bedroom and tore down their walls for no reason at all, only because she wanted to. How good it had felt, how it had changed everything.

“Are you still upset, Dana? About Agent Mulder’s decision to not tell you about his illness?” Dr. Kosseff asks.

She shakes her head. “Of course not. How can I be, now? It just makes me question so much.”

“Like what?”

Scully pauses for a moment, thinking. She knows fear hadn’t been the only thing holding her back from telling him she loved him. Truth was, she’d wanted him to say it first.

“Like how he really felt about me.”

Dr. Kosseff raises an eyebrow. “Dana, how could you possibly question that? You know how much he cared about you.”

“I know that, I know he did. I guess it’s just painful now, realizing I don’t know how much. I’ll never know, not really.” Her hands go to her belly. “I wish he’d known. I wish we’d both known before he left. Maybe things would have been different.”

The doctor leans forward a bit. “You mean... about the baby?”

Scully nods. She needed to tell someone. She feels a sense of relief. The doctor sits back again and regards Scully.

“I can only imagine how hard this must be, but Dana, this baby is an incredible gift. Especially considering all you’ve been through. It’s something he left behind that will always be a part of you.”

“I know, I know that.” She looks away, feeling the tears well up again. “And I'm so grateful. But I hate feeling this way, feeling like I missed my chance to tell him how I felt about him. Maybe if I had, he wouldn’t have left. Maybe he'd still be alive, and we would still be together.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Agent Mulder.”

“But I do. I do blame myself. I… I failed him.”

“Dana, no one could have predicted this. Especially you. Nothing you did caused this to happen.”

Scully feels a pain in her heart, something like regret. She stares blankly into space, not really talking to the doctor anymore, but talking to herself. A realization that completely guts her. “He’s dead and he never even knew I loved him. He never knew.”

Dr. Kosseff leans forward to take Scully’s hands in hers, and offers her a final piece of wisdom.

“I believe he knew.”

***

Closing the door behind her, Scully looks around. She sees Mulder’s fish tank, bubbling softly, the spaceship inside quietly ascending, descending. She sees his couch, the leather worn in one spot where he slept alone all those years.

She goes to his closet and starts pulling out clothes, slowly. It’s time to do this. One at a time, his shirts come out as she lays them on the bed. Some she can remember him wearing certain places, some she can’t. Then the ties. Then the pants.

As she starts to remove a black pair, something makes her pause. She runs her fingers along the fabric, and as they drift downward across the pocket she hears a crackling noise.

Confused, she reaches her hand inside and pulls out a small piece of paper folded in half.

Dear Dana

Dearest Dana

Scully,

I don’t know where to start. I

She stares at the writing, his writing. He’d certainly tried to tell her something. He had been trying. There were things that remained unsaid.

She closes her eyes. Why had it been so hard for them to talk to each other, really talk to each other? They were so good at talking about everything else but their feelings. For so long they had been afraid, fear holding them back from the truth. All they sought was truth and it had been right there for them both, right in front of them. They’d wasted so much time and now it was all over for them.

When her father had died, she'd known without a doubt that he'd loved her, and she knew he'd known she had loved him. Now, with Mulder, all she can feel is regret.

She takes the note, folds it, puts it in her pocket. She cannot face this today after all. She will try again tomorrow.

***

Scully stands at the gravesite. She doesn’t know what to say, how to say it, and what to do afterwards. Getting here was a struggle.

She’s believed in God for most of her life but today is one of those days she’s less than certain. She knows she should pray but she wants to curse God for taking him away from her.

She wants to talk to Mulder more.

I never imagined having to do this, Mulder. I should have, considering our line of work. I just… didn’t want to face it, I guess.

I should never have let you go without me. I should have told you I needed to come with you. Together we could have prevented this, I know it. We could have done anything together. We could have taken on the world together. Now we don’t even get to try.

I’m not sure how to move on from this. I need you to help me, and you aren’t here.

Do you remember that night at the Liberty Bell when we talked about the afterlife? I’ve been thinking about that night a lot. I’m not sure what I think about ghosts, or an afterlife, not anymore. But I hope to God it’s true. I hope you can hear me because I need to tell you how much I loved you. I need you to know that you were my whole world.

I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to let you know that. I should have told you every day how I couldn’t live without you. Then maybe I wouldn’t be trying and failing to do just that right now.

SKINNER

(DeadAlive)

Assistant Director Walter Skinner peers through the window of Mulder’s hospital room and sees a familiar sight: Agent Scully sitting at his bedside, holding his hand. He doesn’t like the idea that he’s imposing upon a private moment, but the image of the two of them together is arresting. He marvels at her dedication.

It’s always been this way with them. One missing, or injured, or in trouble, and the other stopping at nothing to help. He’s never seen two people more fiercely devoted to one another in his life. Every person Skinner has ever encountered has had some failing, some drawback when it comes to protecting the people they love. A point where they falter, or give up.

Not Scully or Mulder. Never on each other.

Back when he was in the Marines, Skinner knew from loyalty. He witnessed it every day. Men and women relying on each other with their very lives, in constant danger. He’s never seen a pair forced to rely on each other in that way outside the battlefield.

At times he feels guilty, like he should have been more of a rock for the two of them. He’s tried, he really has.

Skinner has watched Scully and Mulder grow over the years from a vantage point no one else has been able to. He’s seen it all, the good, bad and the ugliest of ugly. Every single time they’ve been there for one another. He’d be envious if he wasn’t in such damn awe.

When that… spacecraft? Whatever it was, he can hardly believe himself at this point… took Mulder away, his thoughts immediately went to Scully. It was as if his mind couldn’t separate them. He was her, she was him, they were like a single entity. All he could think of was how he would tell her. How he somehow got into this position where he would have to watch her break.

Now, to see Scully like this… it’s awful. It’s unfathomable. She’s lost her partner, her best friend, and although she may be unaware he knows, more than even that.

It’s strange seeing this new Scully, this broken Scully. He never expected her to need anyone to take care of her. Losing Mulder had an effect on her he’d never wished to see, and he hadn’t anticipated this shift into being one of her only real sources of support. He wants to be there for her, he just has no idea how.

He’s about to enter the room when he notices her take Mulder’s hand and place it over her pregnant belly.

He knew already, he really did. How could he not? But seeing this simple act of love has taken his breath away. The tragedy before him is staggering. How could anyone possibly understand what these two have had to go through? And now to see it all end like this? It’s beyond words.

He knocks quietly and enters. “Can I come in?”

”Yes,” she replies, quickly moving their hands from her stomach to the bed.

“Any news?” he asks. After he’d taken Mulder off life support, the virus in his body had stopped thriving. It looked very possible he could survive, but for now it was a waiting game. He wasn’t about to get his hopes up, not yet.

She shakes her head. “We wait.”

He crosses the room and sits in a chair at the other side. Mulder looks much better, he has to admit. The tubes are out and he seems to be breathing on his own.

“I don’t know if I ever thanked you for doing what you did,” Scully says. “For pushing for the exhumation. This wouldn’t even be possible if it weren’t for you.”

“It wouldn’t have happened in the first place if it weren’t for me,” he says sadly.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” Scully quickly says. She wasn’t there, but he appreciates that she knows this much must be true.

“I need to tell you something, Dana.”

“What is it?”

He hedges a bit. “I told you there was a vaccine for Mulder, but I didn’t tell you the entire story.”

“So, tell me now.”

“Alex Krycek had the vaccine.”

Her brow knits in confusion. “Krycek? How is he involved in all this?”

“I’m not sure. I just know that he-“ he stops. “He wanted to kill your baby.”

Her hand lets go of Mulder’s and goes to her belly.

“My baby? Why? What does he have to do with my baby?”

“I don’t know. But I needed you to know that somehow he knew... about it.”

He watches her thinking for a moment, processing all this. He hasn’t the slightest idea what all this is about. Until Krycek showed up, he’d assumed there was nothing unusual about this situation. Scully turning up pregnant with Mulder's baby seemed like an inevitability somehow.

“Is there… something you need to talk about, Dana? Because I can be here for you, you know, if you need somebody to talk about this with.”

She sighs deeply. “I would, if I had any clue where to start.”

A horrible thought takes hold in his gut. He can’t explain it, he can’t understand it, but he feels compelled to speak it.

“Could the smoking man know about it too?”

She looks confused for a moment, then looks thoughtful, then closes her eyes. “That fucking fucker.”

He’s clearly hit a nerve but cannot disagree.

She opens her eyes and says “I can’t rule it out. I hate even thinking about that but I can’t.”

“I see,” he says. Even though he doesn’t see, not at all. She doesn’t seem to want to elaborate and he doesn’t push. He’s well aware of her history and abduction experiences and knows all the horrible things that have been done to her over the years. He can only imagine how easy it would have been for that fucking fucker to know everything about her, even to do something to her. He doesn’t want to think about it, either.

“I’m going to leave you two alone, okay? Please call me if there’s any news.” He walks over to her and squeezes her shoulder.

She briefly puts her hand over his. “Thank you, sir.”

He leaves the room and closes the door. He can’t help but glance through the window to watch them again, and his mind drifts to one of his last conversations with Mulder.

They’re sitting next to each other on the flight to Oregon. He knows they both know what he’s just seen. He has to ask, he has to.

“So… you and Agent Scully, huh?”

Mulder turns his head and looks at his boss. “I guess I can’t say no, after what you saw.”

Skinner grins, and faces forward. “I’m happy for you. She’s been through a lot, you both have.” He stares at the back of the seat in front of him. “I’m happy for you both.”

They are quiet a minute, only the loud hum of the plane in both their ears. Skinner has only one more question.

“How long…?”

“Not long enough,” Mulder answers without missing a beat.

Thanks for reading! See you back here tomorrow. Things will get better ( for a while, at least)

[notbang]

on pretence, palm trees, perceived happiness and the promise of change

So I’ve been meaning to write this meta for awhile, but I was holding out because I had an inkling we were headed for another interior design shift this season, either in the form of Heather or Rebecca herself moving out and, lo and behold, here we are! It’s Rebecca’s mural meta time!

When Dr Phil appears in 1x07 “because [Rebecca’s] depressed mind invited [him] in”, one of the first things he comments on is the state of her apartment, asking her if she’s ever considered “hanging a little art”. Later in the episode, buzzed on the pill she took off Dr Akopian’s bathroom floor, she does exactly that, and we get our first glimpse of mural number one—the sunset. In its initial iteration, Rebecca’s in the midst of a manic phase and it’s only partway put up, still peeling down the wall. But we get the picture; it’s a nice choice for her otherwise currently spartan apartment—it’s bright, it’s colourful, it’s tropical, it’s fun—and after all, she moved to West Covina to be two hours from near the beach. What’s always interested me in particular, though, is the way in which it sort of harkens back to this:

It’s no great revelation that when it comes to Rebecca’s obsession with Josh Chan, all roads lead back to summer camp. Our very first introduction to Rebecca Bunch as audience members is, as we soon come to learn, apparently the last time she was truly happy (thanks, weirdly specific butter commercial!)—up on stage, singing chorus in an amateur production of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s South Pacific, the set for which is comprised simply of some painted backdrops featuring palm trees dotted along a beach. So it makes a strange kind of sense that Rebecca—whom in the midst of a nervous breakdown fixates on a childhood infatuation as a link back to this moment of true happiness—upon being confronted with an apartment about as empty as how she’s feeling inside and being called upon to fill it, would subconsciously seek inspiration from the exact same source. The shift to sunset, though, gives it a distinctly romantic skew—in much the same way Rebecca is so often desperate to use romance to fill her void.

Rebecca’s romantic aspirations with Greg and Josh crash and burn quite literally in 2x04 when she inadvertently sets her house on fire disposing of their things, and it is from the ashes of her failed relationships that our first change in scenery arises. Rebecca’s got a new house, a new housemate, and she’s accessorising them with a brand new mural!

Mural number two isn’t hugely different from its predecessor—it’s mostly just a change in lighting. It’s bright, it’s sunny, it’s summer, it’s the light of a new day. It’s also a lot more visually similar to that scenic art from South Pacific. 

Summer comes with the connotations of heat, repression, stagnation, and youth, and season 2-3 Rebecca’s got all of ‘em in spades.

Though distinctly more slanted towards sexual fantasy than romantic in the case of We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now and its callback in 3x10, with the help of a little mood lighting both murals provide a fitting backdrop to Rebecca’s musical state of mind. And the contrast between the two works here, too:

In 2x01, Rebecca’s scrambling to get a lockdown on her romantic standing with Josh. Despite being intent on pursuing her feelings for Greg in the season one finale, crushed expectations and a newly single Josh quickly have her redirecting her eyes back to her original prize. Josh is being somewhat understandably withholding after the revelation that she did, indeed, move to West Covina for him, but Rebecca is quick to reframe and refocus that particular roadblock to their relationship—what’s keeping them apart is what’s left unresolved with Greg, and it’s a test of their self control, it’s sexy, and it deserves a sultry, saxophone-fuelled number. The closing shot of the song is Rebecca’s similarly palm-tree emblazoned beach towel, beckoning Welcome to West Covina, framed above her bedhead, leading into her romantic victory for the episode—finally succeeding in having Josh sleep beside her for the night.

3x10 Rebecca, on the other hand, isn’t interested in romance, but revenge. Equally hung-up and hotheaded, she and Nathaniel are channeling their passion into loathing, which inevitably manifests itself as sexual heat. Just as the mural is different, though, so too is Rebecca’s response; pumped full of hormones as she prepares to donate an egg, she and Nathaniel definitely should not have sex right now and, almost impressively, they don’t. When they do eventually give in weeks later, it’s after an open, honest conversation, free of facade—but with that same Welcome to West Covina beach towel hanging in the background. She’s still navigating her narrative, and now that Rebecca’s romantic misadventures have relocated to the workplace, it’s only fitting that in some way, the palm trees have followed her there, too.

If the mural is just another way in which Rebecca is inadvertently clinging to her ever-elusive illusion of happiness, how appropriate that in organising her wedding to the metaphorical man of her dreams, it’s quite literally the surface on which she hinges the plans for all these dreams supposedly come true. So enmeshed in her vision of happily ever after is the palm-lined beach, it seems, that it’s even the location she chooses for Josh and her to exchange their vows.

There’s also arguably a distinct vacation vibe here, and it’s an undeniable precedent within the show that when Rebecca wants to run away from her problems, she has a tendency to take to travel. Cross country move to West Covina aside, she flees to New York on not one but two occasions, is ready to ride off into the sunset with Nathaniel to Rome and is offered a similar escape route by him in 4x01. Whilst holidaying in Hawaii after recently being released from jail isn’t as immediately problematic as the previous examples, it only gives more weight to the progress Rebecca has made when this time, she turns him down.

Season four has been thematically framed as being about renewal and rebirth, but if we’re talking about the weather, it’s not spring that follows summer. And if summer is representative of youth, it’s time to do some growing up—which brings us to our most recent reinvention of Rebecca’s humble abode.

The progression here is a dramatic one, and it’s incredibly apropos; what’s shifted isn’t merely the light, this time, but both season and setting, and much like Rebecca, we’ve ended up in a completely different place to where we started out. Rebecca remarks at the start of 4x07 that’s she’s “ready to see some fall foliage”, and autumn is indeed the season of change. It represents balance, maturity and letting go (as well as a prelude to an end, which is also depressingly befitting, but we’ll ignore that part for now!).

While on a personal level I couldn’t help but cringe at the idea of making such a drastic change to someone’s decor without consulting them first, from a narrative standpoint, I appreciate the direct involvement of Josh Chan in this transformation. It kind of makes sense that the personification of Rebecca’s fantasy, now removed from ideal, plays a part in clearing out its remnants. There’s also something nice to be said for the fact that unlike mural number one, half-plastered in a panic by Rebecca, manic and alone, mural number three comes to her in the form of a thoughtful gift from a friend (she has friends, she definitely has friends!).

It’s poetic that this new sense of maturity extends to the person responsible for the mural, too—Josh, arguably one of the characters most obviously trapped in a state of arrested development, made significant strides in 4x07 when he finally put an end to his cohabitation with Hector’s mom (who is, as we know, coincidentally, an autumn). 

Just as nicely as it applies to the broader sweep of Rebecca’s life right now, it’s also the perfect backdrop to the shift in the dynamic we start to see between Rebecca and Josh. Rebecca has changed, and as a result, similarly have her perceptions. It’s not about Josh, and it never was, but season four Rebecca is in now in a place where Josh can comfortably exist as an entity outside of an escape mechanism (Ahab can’t you see, Josh is no longer a metaphor!).

Josh Chan is irrelevant to Rebecca’s sense of self and her happiness, but that’s not the same as being irrelevant to her life. And now that she knows more about who she is and what she wants, there’s something so exciting and delightfully hopeful in that she gets to delve into the messiness of what that really means, and for her other relationships, too. Whether that’s through friendship, romance, or otherwise doesn’t really matter—it’s the promise that she’s secure enough in herself now that we can feel confident in her capacity to try.