#and yeah write for yourself and all that but thats never been something i've been interested in

[triannel]

HI!!! I adore how you write bill, an my own birthday is tomorrow an im ✨Terrified✨✨,, n was wondering ifff. You could do a sorta angst-fluff where its the readers birthday, but every single one of his birthdays has been awful. And like, now that bills here with the reader he feels like maybe he wont have to Just survive his birthday? That even with his god awful family, it might be ok. Like yeah the meds help, but it doesnt fix anything if the people youre with are why youre fucked yknow? IDK and maybe bill decides to take it upon himself to remove the readers family😋 cant be a neglected middle child w all the responsibilities of the eldest if youre an orphan/J AN I DONT MIND HOW CLOSE YOU STAY TO THIS I LOVE YOUR WRITING ANYWAYS!!

(,,,o n also the reader maybe be a grungey scene kid kinda guy? Lots of piercings, an is more feminine than his parents think he should be, especially as a trans guy, So thats smth. Love bones n bugs and shinies an is like if a dog n crow were a guy,, n supr srry if this is a bad req!! Im jus excited cus i love bill, and im also stressy out cus of my burthdayy >_<“) SO NO PRESSURE TO RESPOND ESPECIALLY IF THIS IS TOO LONG OR ANYTHIMG!!!/gen

-🌙

Hello and Happy Birthday 🌙 anon! I've managed to whip this up and I hope it gives you at least some sort of comfort for today. I really do hope you're situation gets better soon, take care of yourself and have a great day! (Also, don't worry, I never really do mind long asks.)

BirthDate

Oneshot | Bill Cipher x Reader | Fluff/Comfort?

Warnings: Mention of Death, Implied Abuse, Implied Trauma, Implied Bad Birthdays, Bill Cipher lol

Quickly stepping upstairs, you lock yourself in your bedroom, blocking all the noise emenating from downstairs. Exhaling, you drop to your bed, letting yourself relax into comfort of the soft mattress and fluffy pillows.

Only needing rest by this point, you close your eyes. Wanting nothing more than to leave this place behind.

"WHOA, DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU SO EARLY!" A voice suddenly spoke, booming loudly for you to hear.

Ah yes, there he is. You can't exactly say he's your best pal, but right this moment, you truly do feel more at ease with him than being back there.

"It's honestly been a long day so..." You shrugged for a moment before continuing, "Does it bother you?" You ask, giving a lighthearted smile.

"NOT AT ALL, I WOULDN'T BLAME ANYONE BY WANTING TO MEET YOURS TRULY," he spoke, blinking slowly in a dramatic way to show off his 'impressive looks'.

You chuckle slightly, shaking your head, "I mean, I don't think I'm exactly the one to choose to be here..." speaking your thought aloud just to perhaps tease him a little as you glance at him for a moment before slightly chuckling once more.

You never really did know how you even get to meet him to be honest, he somewhat always manages to show up in your dreams, so overtime you guessed that he might be the one approaching you...That, or it might be because of something else entirely.

For a moment, you thought you saw him become nervous for a second, but maybe it didn't happen at all as you only saw it for less than a second.

"WELL, JUST WANTED TO CHECK HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH KNOWING YOU'RE ONE YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH," he flatly said, in a weird, eerie way. He always did love being weird so this type of behaviour wouldn't be uncommon by this point.

"Right... Well, what's the agenda for this time then? Or are you busy?" You ask, avoiding your 'birthday' in question. You'd much rather not talk about your birthday at all to be honest. Not a single one ever went well...

Adjusting his bowtie, he started to speak, "WELL..."

Snapping his fingers, your surroundings completely change.

The rest of your 'dream' went on a relatively good note. Having a cup of tea, playing chess, you both did the usual activities you both would do when meeting in your subconscious mind. But the only thing is that, he seemed to be more...well a bit more charming and noticeably, but only slightly more open to your suggestions on what else to spend time on.

He'd usually take the wheel and drag you through any activity he wants, but this time though, this time he was a bit more...considerate.

Now playing a board game with him, you take the dice and roll it. Getting one, Bill chuckles slightly at your misfortune for a second before taking the dice from you.

He might be treating you like this because it's your birthday, but you'd doubt it... Well at least for now-

"EY, IT'S YOUR TURN TOOTS," he snapped his finger a few times in front of your face.

Chuckling, you mutter an apology before taking the dice. Rolling it in your hands, you then let it go. As the dice lands on the floor, it lands on a six, letting you be the winner for the match.

"Yess, I won!" You raise your arms, smiling back at him.

"CHECK AGAIN." Bill spoke, pointing at your piece. Looking down at the board, you see a newly added tile in front of your piece, moving the finish line out of reach. You raise your eyebrow, giving him the side eye.

"WHAT? I DON'T MAKE THE RULES," he raised his shoulders, smiling mischievously with his eye.

Shaking your head, you chuckled at his silly banter while giving him the dice for his turn.

It's unexpected but, this dorito triangle man truly has made a significance on making your birthday much more bearable. Be it his choice to do it or not, you're honestly just glad to at least have some semblance of joy sprout on this day.

I haven't been able to post for a week because unfortunately I became rlly busy at the moment and it isn't helping that I do tend to procrastinate at times. I'll post more regularly later, but for now at least, I'll post this here. Once again, happy birthday 🌙 anon!

[gentil-minou]

I can't imagine anyone is getting as much engagement on Twitter as they did pre-Musk, with the exception of anybody who was getting no engagement on Twitter until Musk unbanned them

thats definitely true but also tumblr is being a mess too and im at a point where i don't want to be a lurker anymore so where do i go, if all the sites are trying to basically out do the other in terms of making themselves awful? where does that leave me?

[miikapie]

"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)

Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!

Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.

/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!

Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.

"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."

Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.

"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."

Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.

" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"

Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size

"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."

Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)

[moonstruckme]

I've never requested before so I'm quite nervous but may I request something with a reader thats like usually very chatty when coming home from work but maybe someone at their job said something rude or they just feel to tired to talk? preferably with poly!marauders but i dont mind any characters, i love your writing and i hope you have a wonderful day :] no pressure to write this ofc

Thank you for requesting lovely and hope you have a wonderful day as well! <3

Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 677 words

Eddie’s van is idling at the curb when your shift ends. He grins as you get in, swapping his cherry coke to the hand already holding his cigarette to wrap the one closest to you around your thigh. It’s a favored spot. You’re always thinking you ought to trace an outline of his fingers and get it tattooed with “Eddie’s place” inside as a lark, but he’d definitely enjoy it way too much. 

“Hey there,” he drawls, voice saccharine sweet and expectant as he leans across the console toward you. You peck him on the lips. 

���Hi,” you say back. “You taste like cherries.” 

His grin is crooked, goofy in that unabashedly lovesick way that makes your heart stutter. He holds up his cherry coke like he’s making a toast. “T’was the point. You want a sip?” 

“Yes, please.” You take it from him, letting the cool fizziness wash over your sandpaper tongue. You’ve been craving a drink since halfway through your shift, when you’re fairly sure you’d willed all the water out of your body so you wouldn’t cry in the break room. Poor forethought. 

The syrupy sweetness is comforting, familiar like Eddie and summer days and the lake. It makes you feel a bit more normal. You have to stop yourself from gulping it all down, dropping it in the cup coaster as Eddie stubs out his cigarette and puts the van into gear. 

It takes until the first stoplight for you to realize he’s not headed towards home. “Where’re we going?” you ask. 

“To the arcade. We’re meeting Dustin and them there, remember?” 

“Oh. Right.” You’d totally forgotten. At least Robin should be there. 

Eddie gives you a sidelong glance. “Work was good?” 

If you’re being honest with yourself, about 70% of it was totally fine. “Mhm.” 

He hums back at you, short and low. “Okay. What’s wrong?” 

“Hm?” you hum again, unable to help it. “Nothing, why?”

“Don’t play dumb.” He squeezes your thigh meanly, metal rings biting into your skin. “You always want to gossip after work. Something happened, yeah?” 

You toy with your bottom lip, looking out the window. You’re quiet long enough that Eddie gives your leg another warning squeeze. 

“Talk.” 

“It wasn’t really anything,” you say, honestly but forcing a bit more offhandedness into your tone than maybe you really feel. “A customer got all pissy with me because he thought something should be on sale and it wasn’t, but I’m not, like, still sad about it.” 

Eddie doesn’t take his eyes from the road, but his lips purse unhappily. “But you were, huh?” 

“I was,” you allow. “But I’m not anymore. I guess it just tired me out.” 

He glances your way, as if to be sure you’re telling the truth, and hums. “M’sorry, baby. Still down for the arcade, or do you just wanna go home?” 

“No, I’m good.” You wrap your hand around his forearm, running a path from his wrist to the crook of his elbow and back again. “I wanna see Robin. I can rally.” 

Eddie nods contemplatively. The steady rumbling of the van is the only sound for a few seconds, and then he says, “On a scale of one to ten, where are you right now?” 

You think about it for a few moments. “A four,” you decide. 

He nods again. “Okay. By the time we leave the arcade, we’re gonna have you at a six.” 

You grin at him. It’s already easier. Eddie sees out of the corner of his eye, quirking a brow like you’re being a dork but then slipping his hand from your thigh to intertwine your fingers from his. He brings the back of your hand to his mouth, kissing it wetly. You know he's content to sit in silence as long as you need, but you have one more thing to say.

“I feel like finishing off your coke would bring me up to a solid four-point-five,” you suggest hopefully. 

Eddie rolls his eyes, but the corner of his mouth kicks up. “It’s all yours, sweet thing.”

[girlbloggersfolly]

DELTA DAWN - part 2// Bee in your bonnet

Pairing: camp counselour!joel miller x camp lifeguard!afab!reader

Rating: E!!!!! 18+ MDNI

Word count: 4.8k

Summary: (1979 summer camp AU) Things go south one morning after a particularly catty argument between Joel and our lifeguard in Joel's boat shed/self proclaimed 'man cave'. - Pictures in the moodboard are simply to get the imagination racing and for me to spill my pinterest all over your screens, the reader is at no point described!

Chapter warnings: age gap (20 + 49), enemies to loves - i mean it, mean!joel, lowkey mean!reader but we love them both, slight vouyerism, cigarette smoking, talk of pornographic magazines, complicated relationship (billy and reader dw), oral (fem receiving), semi-public sex (door open but thats it, degrading, pet names (kiddo, sweetie, doll - the good stuff ykyk), fingering idk, slow burn, fem!masturbation dirty talk, no descriptors of reader except she has hair and is a similar height to joel cause im tired of the lack of tall girl representation in fics, sorry... if that ruins it for you just imagine i never said that), NO USE OF Y/N.

a/n: eekkkk ok you can probably tell from his horrific piece of writing that ive never done proper smut and i went a little overboard but i'm sure you'll like it anyway. i've probably got one or two more parts of their story left in me, depending on how happy i want the ending to be. Id love to get requests if anyone has any bright ideas! I love the 3 people who are reading this, it really makes me blush and you don't even know it.... also lmk if you want to be on the taglist for any future writings xxxx

-----

You were up in the chair early. Waking especially to sit and watch as the sun rose higher over the lake and above the pines, hoping to get there before Joel, just so you had time to ground yourself. You toyed with the cigarette between your fingers, a habit of yours that had really been getting you through the last agonising couple of days of avoiding Joel Miller, but there was no putting it off this morning. 

Kayaking. Something you’d never really specialised in and were not convinced you'd know how to deal with if things were to go south.However, as always, you kept your doubts to yourself. Joel was taking the kids today, he was good with them and obviously knew what he was doing on the water. You hoped that meant no accidents.

“No smoking in the chair, cupcake.” Here we go again.

“Good morning to you too, cupcake.” You rolled your eyes, not bothering to turn around to see the one thing on your frazzled mind, not bothering to put out the cigarette either, 

“Kids’ll be here soon, Lou’s bringin’em” He said coldly in reply, standing beside your chair, his face level with your hips as he looked out to the water.

 Even being raised above him like this you still felt vulnerable, what was it about him? He turned to look up at you with his big arms crossed against his torso, “so, be a doll and put that thing out f’me will’ya?” The chair rocked slightly as he patted it, condescending as ever. 

You rolled your eyes yet again and dropped the cigarette down beside his feet, raising your eyebrows. It was bratty and yeah probably a little crueller than required, but it felt damn good. “Happy?” you were pushing it, really pushing it, you could see it in Joel's hard expression. his impressive profile was only defined by the hot mid-morning sun as he glared up at you through narrowed eyes. He put on his ray-bans and turned away. =

The kids hung onto every word he said as he stood in front of you explaining to them how to kayak, in a way they never did with Billy or Abel, or even Sharon. You tried to listen, tried to look out at the lake, tried to do something that wasn't blatantly staring at his tight ass, the muscles in his back under his t-shirt. It was torture, adjusting in your chair, shifting around like a bitch in heat. 

“Eyes on the water, lifeguard,” He taunted you from the deck, you’d really needed to remember your sunglasses next time. 

If you thought the other day was bad, this was worse, sitting there melting into your lifeguard chair watching Joel being the hottest man alive and not caring how it might make you feel. The kids were playing capture the flag in the woods by the light of the setting sun, giving you a minute to cool off against a tree, the cigarettes lighting themselves at this point. 

Your skin was lit up by the orange light that dotted through the trees as it sunk below the horizon. It was the first moment of mercy you’d gotten from this god-awful day of Joel Miller and his stupid tanned skin, the little sweat droplets on the back of his neck, his salt and pepper scruff, the thought of how it would feel against your inner-

“Found you,” You smelt Billy before you saw him, his freckled arms embracing you from behind, knocking you out of your dreamy state. 

“You know this thing? It's called a shower, real cool I hear?” You chuckled, trying to laugh a little to disguise it as a joke, the last thing it was.

“Haha, very funny,” Billy smirked, planting wet kisses across your neck from behind, the moustache he’d been trying to grow tickling your jaw. 

“Quit it,” You raised your hands, your shoulders tensing like an alarmed cat as he grinds messily against you, “There's kids around you little shit.”

Billy murmured a chuckle against your skin, his tongue tracing against it, a sensation that had the hairs on your arms standing up. “I’ll make it quick,” Now there was something you could count on. 

“I said quit,” you turned abruptly to look at him, brushing yourself off, realising the harsh tone of voice you’d used. He looked pained, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes darting around your face quizzically. 

“You know what,” Billy folded his arms, looking you up and down bitterly, “Im tired of you being a fuckin’ prude the whole time,” His voice was raised, whiny, trying to sound like his father. 

You scoffed, putting your head in your hands and shaking your head in disbelief, this kid was insane. “Its not my duty to fuck you whenever you so wish, christ, you really are an entitled son of a gun,” 

Billy stamped out his cigarette onto the ground, “Nasty bitch,” he shook his head, spitting on the floor, charming. “Don’t know why I even bother.” He marched off, back to his cabin probably, off to write another song about how much he hates women you’d have the pleasure of hearing at his next gig.

The day was dragging, it seemed unceasing, like this spiralling, horny, angry mess that was your body. The forest was quiet again without Billy’s cursing, often you’d hear a distant shout from a kid who’d been caught or a group of them running around, but it was hard to differentiate from a bird call, or the wind in the trees.

“Trouble in paradise.” Great. 

“Look, I am not in the mood, so be a sweetie and kindly fuck the fuck off.” 

That earnt an impressed chuckle from behind you, another pair of broad shoulders leaning beside you on the tree. “S’ my darn woods, ‘do whatever the hell i like, thank you missy,”

“Joel I'm serious, whatever witty little jabs you're cooking up, save them for another day,” You looked to him, it was hard to look away whenever you did. 

“Wasn’t,” He shrugged, there was that gruff, southern nonchalance yet again, christ how it got to you, the complete opposite of Billy’s incessant bitching. You almost wished he cared enough to go off on you the way Billy tried to. 

“Well…” you paused, eyes darting over his face, the strong profile, low set brows, those pouty lips you’d gotten pretty damn used to this week. “Dont,” you concluded.

“You really do have a bee in your bonnet don't you, kiddo,” there it was, just as you’d predicted, calm and collected and making you want to blow his brains out.

You shrugged. “Its Billy,” You shook your head, well that was only one of the bees in your very buzzy bonnet, Joels fucking face was the other. “You heard?” 

He nodded, “I heard enough,” you both stood in the ambience of the evening, kids whooping, birds sounding from the trees. “Billy’s a dick you know that, ‘don’t know a single fucker from here to Timbuktu that dont know that,”  

You couldn't help but chuckle, relaxing further against the tree, your shoulders untensing for the first time in weeks, forgetting who the enemy was. “You know fuckers in Timbuktu?” 

“I bet I do,” he nodded, crossing his arms against his broad chest, the camp staff t-shirt barely accommodating his largeness. 

Joel sighed, looking over at you, “got one of them cancer sticks you're always suckin’ on?” you had a whole pack of them in your back pocket. 

He thanked you and lit one with the janky lighter you'd stolen from Abel, smoke muddying your view of him. There was a lull. “I don't know why you lead that bastard on,” he said through the smoke. 

“Im hardly leading him on,” You scoffed, lighting a cigarette for yourself. “He was the one who wanted to keep this to strictly fuck-buddies,” Lucky for you, imagine being Billies girlfriend, jeepers.

“Sounds like you can’t even do that?” he smirked, and there he was again. 

“You know, as I find myself repeating these days, s’really none of your business,” you laughed, turning to him, sighing through the familiar heat in your abdomen, the butterflies that felt more like horse flies in your stomach back and buzzing harder than ever. 

“You're makin’ it my business, havin’ your lover's spat in my earshot.” he retaliated calmly.

you opened your mouth to bite back with something that attempted to match his condescension, but that was an impossible task. “You know what,” you settled on, again grasping for something to finish that sentence. “Fuck,” again you were gotten the better of.

“I’m stuck with him for the next three weeks, so, gotta keep sweet for that long I guess, maybe put out a couple times.” 

He nodded, stamping out his cigarette next to billies, “S’a damn shame,” The eye contact felt like glass in your eyes, felt a big hand twisting your throat till it turned blue, it was those eyes of his in that permanent, laboured squint which you assumed came with age, they killed you. A damn shame. The words played on repeat like a song on Sharon's broken radio, the static soiling his voice in your mind. A damn shame. He was right, it was a damn shame. 

“Would you make sure to deal with those kayaks tomorrow morning’, lifeguard? Just gotta pile em’ up in the shed,” He said over his shoulder as he turned to saunter away. 

Before you could get your bearings, you were alone again, admittedly less grateful for it too. 

Morning, kayaks, shed. Sounded like a relatively agreeable task that wasn't asking too much right? Wrong. You were lucky your body had gotten into the rhythm of waking up at sunrise cause this was a goliath task. Hauling 15 kayaks from one side of the lake to the other wasn't something you’d factored into your morning of rest and relaxation. You’d planned to take a secret dip, maybe grab a coffee, take a shower if you had time. But no, you were out sweating under the morning sun, huffing like a workhorse.

When the last kayak was hauled into the dirty little shed you reclined on the desk, all dusty and grotty but it didn’t even matter. Heck, you weren't even perturbed by the smug house spider that was perched close to your palm, not even giving a second thought to the porn magazine discarded beside your head. All you could think about was how this wasn't what you’d bargained for when you agreed to go on this little jaunt up to the northwest, oh yeah, and how much you hated Joel Miller. 

After a couple of minutes of huffing and puffing, grumbling to yourself about how you were meant to be in LA by now, living a rich and famous life as some kind of starlet, a model, an actress maybe. The shed was a mess, every surface littered with junk. There was fishing equipment, books, more beer cans than you could count, the whole thing screamed Joel. 

Soon, without even meaning to, your nimble fingers were straightening objects, tossing the cans into the bin, dusting, flicking through boxes, you even took the spider outside. 

“Hey,” You heard a jumpy voice from behind you, clearly receiving the same fright you’d got from the sound of his voice. “What are you-” It was Joel, an accusatory expression all over his knitted brow. He saw the small desk bin behind your back, the cans in it, he saw the neat shelves and dusted desk with all his papers stacked orderly. 

“Hey hey hey, I have a system..” Joel bolted over to where you stood, snatching the bin out of your hands, his knuckles grazing yours, you were in deep if such a small gesture made your heart drop so far down. “There's a system,” he repeated, running a hand through his hair and leaning back on his uncluttered desk, looking… pained, addled by the whole thing. 

You scoffed, enjoying seeing Joel off guard, it was always you getting snuck up on, getting caught in a vulnerable situation. “Is the system complete chaos, cause wow Joel, im impressed,” you put your hands on your hips, your little red shorts riding dangerously high. 

“No one asked you to go messing in my affairs,” he tutted, rubbing his brow, god he was a drama queen. 

“Your affairs?” you laughed maniacally, “By your affairs do you mean a few dozen beer bottles, some dusty kayaks and your crusty spank bank mag?” 

He scoffed, looking down at the magazine down on the desk. He'd been got, he’d give you that. “Just clear off, don’t need your bitchin,” He turned his back on you, tampering with your neat new order on his desk, “too damn early,”

You were furious, not even a thank you? If not for drastically improving his workspace, at least for stacking the kayaks, a lot of work if you did say so yourself. “Are you kidding,” you whined, walking up to stand behind him, trying to get his attention. 

“I’ve been doing hard fucking labour, sleepy head, what were you doing? Jerking it into a porn mag I'm guessing?” he chuckled at this, turning over his shoulder to look at your exasperated expression. “Hard labour?” he murmured, audibly amused by your claim.

“Oh you poor thing,” he mocked, turning round fully to look at you, “Doll, you ain’t done a day of hard labour in your pretty little life.” He smirked wildly.

“You don’t know a thing about my life Miller,” you said, sounding like some cheesy cowboy movie, his accent rubbing off on her a little. This caused a full belly laugh to erupt from him, it caught you off guard.

“Your life ain't nothin’ but sunshine and rainbows, sugar, maybe a day’a ‘hard labour’ would do you some good.” He chuckled, walking across the room and correcting the ‘mess’ you made of his ‘system’. “Fuck you,” you bellowed, crossing your arms, your eyes wide and full of fury as you watched him in all his casual, condescending glory. 

“You are maybe the most infuriating motherfuck on this damn earth,” you said through your teeth, so mad, so hot, so done with it all. He just chuckled again, raising his eyebrows, you were starting to just want his attention, wanting him to reciprocate your anger, not caring how you got there. 

“And by the way, I don't care how you see it, I've been up all morning slaving away at something I am certainly not paid for and I don't even get a thank you?” You blurted out, the words falling out of you, you convinced yourself you felt sweat actually drip from your chin. 

He turned to you, annoyingly amused, but there was something else, an underlying rage that really disrupted the usual sedate presence he provided. “Thank you?” He smirked, quirking an eyebrow. 

You paused, never had you ever felt so damn angry at a man. “Listen up-” you began with a huff before being interrupted by Joel stalking over to you with a hostile smirk on his face. Towering over you even though you were a similar height, you backed up against his desk very slightly, trying to keep your chin raised cockily. 

“Are you always this fuckin’ cranky?” he shook his head in amused disbelief and let out an exasperated scoff at the stuttering look on your face. 

You could feel your heart beating like that of a hamster, hammering against your chest. He was so close you could smell him, old spice deodorant, campfires, the slightest tang of sweat and lake water, also the musty dust smell of the shack, you thought you might faint like some Victorian chick. 

He was close, too close for comfort, his muscular frame, the threat of a non-sedate Joel wasn't something that settled you. You gazed into those eyes of his, narrow and all-seeing under a thick, heavy brow. “How’re we gonna cheer you up, huh kiddo?” He raised his eyebrows in mock concern, your mouth was left agape, eyes so wide they might pop. Joel was closer now, looking down at her very slightly, his breath fanned over her face. Holy fuck.

“Can’t have you all bitchy after doin’ me one little task, now can we?” He said after a beat, placing his hand on your jaw, wiping away a caked bit of dirt, probably from all that ‘hard labour,’ his big thumb moved from your jaw to swipe across your lips softly, gently feeling the plush, pillowy skin, freshly chapstick-ed from the Carmex in your pocket. “Can we, sugar?” he repeated the rhetorical question down at you. She shook her head lightly, the obedience hitting her like a 10 foot wave. 

“That's better, that's it, that's better,” He said softly, like he was talking to a jumpy animal. “Not so hard being a nice girl is it now? Not so bad?” he cocked his head and raised her brow, she shook her head absentmindedly once more, completely entranced by whatever was happening to her right here against Joel's desk. 

He nodded, his hand darting between your teeth, his other fingers holding your jaw still underneath. The other hand rested precariously on your thigh, leaning closer so you were sat up on the desk, right beside the dirty mag. 

He let his hand trace drowsy circled under the hem of your shorts, his eyes following, “Think you're cute?” he smirked, his eyes told a different story, taunting, stormy. “walkin' round in those little damn shorts, all prissy, like you own the place?” He said darkly, almost to yourself, holding your eyes with his, his thumb swiping between your teeth, pressing the pad against your tongue. “Suck,” You did it straight away, hollowing your cheeks out and letting whatever this was happen.

You convinced yourself it was some kind of gross fever dream, being out in the heat for the last few days had given you hallucinations, but it felt real, the taste was real on your tongue, his taste. you lapped it up like medicine. 

He clenched his jaw and gazed at your lips wrapping around his thick thumb, fuck. His fingers grazed the seam of your bikini bottoms under your shorts, he could already feel how warm you were down there, how much this was getting to you. He held eye contact with you as he pulled your shorts off, motioning for you to lift your ass, you were feeling compliant, a rare feeling. 

Your bikini bottoms followed, leaving you bare on the desk, the lifeguard top riding up your midriff revealing your glistening (very 70s (interpret that however you like)) cunt to the daylight that streamed in through the open door - a risk Joel seemed to be taking, or something he probably hadn't even considered. 

He rolled his neck, his hands on his hips, he seemed to be considering his options, weighing up the consequences. You pushed your knees together, hoping for a little modesty, the answer was no as Joel's big hands reached down and parted your legs once again. 

“Ah, ah, baby,” he smirked wildly, truly a man starved. He reached down and dragged his finger between your folds, holding the wet digit to the light. It was all achingly slow, he sucked his finger clean, his eyes on yours as he tasted you, letting out a gruff, guttural groan. 

“This gonna keep you sweet?” he said with an icy smirk, her skin was like a furnace; a sweaty, wet, flustered, confused puddle on this desk, dripping everywhere. “Keep you outta my way for a couple days maybe, kiddo?” He chuckled, looking at her domineeringly. “How’s that sound?” 

You nodded eagerly, your expression desperate, whiny, you needed this bad. “When you touch yourself, whadd’ya think 'bout?” he taunted, leaning a hand either side of your hips on the desk, “You,” you gave in, it was just too easy when he talked to you like that. 

“Show me,” He smirked, his words almost a growl, you raised your eyebrows. “Your a pretty little idiot aren'cha?” Now he was just being mean. “Touch yourself the way you do when you're in your cabin, up in your bunk, squirmin’ around,” 

It was so easy, to let him order you around, to succumb to it. The heat, all the bantering, it had melted you into putty in his hands, it’d get to anyone. So there you were, on Joel Miller's desk, bare on the bottom half, your hand drawing tight circles around your aching clit. 

“Fuck,” you bit down on your lip, it was all overwhelming, the feeling of an orgasm coiling around your spine, the blistering, green-house-type heat that had you all rosy and sweaty, the fact that Joel was stood right there, crossing his arms, watching you like a hawk. You knew he’d be a voyeur. 

You watched as his wire snapped and he’d had enough of just watching, adjusting the tent in his shorts. He knelt down in front of you, his eyes looking bigger than usual from this angle, wilder almost feral. he pulled at your hips violently, hoisting you around so your back was flat against the desk, your head leant up against the wall so you could watch exactly what he was going to do to you. 

His mouth was hot against you, licking a stripe up your seam. You could’ve sworn you heard him moan at the taste, felt the vibrations against your core. “This cunt is wasted on Keenan,” He chuckled, not even pulling away from you to lay his jab at Billy, he never could resist the chance. 

You moaned loudly, your hair flying into his hair, feeling the chocolatey, salt and pepper ends in your fingers and you pulled hard, close now. “Don’t fucking stop,” you whimpered, grinding your hips against his face, nose deep in your pussy. 

“Fuck, does he kiss it this good, doll?” He murmured, the vibrations of his baritone drawl against your aching clit were enough to make you toss your head back in sheer ecstasy, that coil winding uncomfortably tight, threatening to snap. 

“He doesn't.” you chuckled through moans, Billy had never ever eaten you out, no matter how many killer blowies you’d served to him on a silver platter. This seemed to appal Joel, who only licked deeper, slower against you, it was agonisingly good, toe curling. He scoffed down there, his thick index finger working at your hole now, dipping in easily despite how tight you were.

 “Poor thing, thas’ why you're so wound up,” He mewled from below, his voice patronising, taunting, but it touched you, “haven’t had someone take care of this pretty cunt in too long hmm? shit, I’d be mean too.” He said with a wet smirk, pulling away to slot another finger in, but you wouldn't give. “Won’t be able to take my cock if you can take two fingers down here,” He chuckled, taunting you further.

“Please don't stop Joel,” you squealed, pulling his hair painfully tight between your fingers, his condescending words only making you hotter, you weren’t usually into that, but shit, Joel could be wearing a fucking tutu and you’d be into it, come to think of it… 

He was grinning smugly as he pushed his fingers into you at a gruelling pace, the desk shook underneath you, your head thrown back against the wall. “Billy hasn't done me any damn favours down here, you're tight as a virgin, baby,” you could see the smirk on his stupid face even with your eyes clenched shut. 

Your release hit harder than it ever had before, your leg shook hard, a string of ‘fuck’s and ‘holy shit’s, laced with a fair pinch of ‘Joel’s and ‘baby’s, blurted out of your lips, you felt your abdomen clench and moaned incoherently, but Joel wasn't quitting, still kitten licking at your inflamed core, fingers curling up and into you, finding a new depth with every push. 

“Joel stop, it-its,” you panted, not even recognising your own voice now, your vision blurred. Overstimulated didn't even sum it up, that shit hurt. 

He didn't care, lost in your taste, lost in the feeling of you clenching around his digits. “Cocky little lifeguard, you're the bane of my life, you know that sweetie?” He said against your wetness, not giving a flying fuck how uncomfortable this was getting, knowing soon you’d ride it into another earth-eating orgasm. 

“Really shouldn't be doin’ this with’ya, Can’t be,” He said over your moans as the discomfort bled into insatiable pleasure, the desk hard against your clammy ass, your release leaking down your thigh and pooling below you. “Holy fuck-” you squealed, your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from collapsing, the other interwined in his thick hair, that must’ve hurt. 

“How old even are you?” he asked with a mischievous chuckle, pulling his face away and slowing his hand movements, no no no no no. Your brain was fuzzy, all you could process was that Joel had stopped and that felt like death. “20,” She said quickly, needing him to continue. He knew what he was doing, taking a moment to process, watching the way you were squirming, so desperate for him yet again. 

“You're too young for me, kiddo,” He said as he dove back into your crotch, a very contradictory statement when reflected against his actions so far this morning, i know. “I am not,” you bit back through a whimper, pouting, your eyes fluttering shut once again.

 “How old’re you anyways,” you panted, your words all broken and high pitched, too fucked-out to feel humiliated. “76?” You chuckled, feeling your second orgasm of the morning chasing after you. 

He bit down ever so slightly on your clit, causing you to wince and buck your hips, it didn't cause any damage or hurt, just hard enough to shut your bratty ass up. “49, missy,” he replied coldly from below you. “Watch it,” 

“You wanna take my 76 year old cock next? think you can take it?” He smirked, pulling away to focus on his hand movements, in and out, hitting that spongy part of you, deeper than you could ever get. You nodded, words almost escaping you for the first time in your smart-ass life. He chuckled deeply at this, a hearty sound you were starting to crave like a meth-head. “She’s a trooper, ain’t she?” He breathed in your ear, planting a small, firm kiss on your neck, his fingers gaining a bruising pace, loud wails escaping your quivering lips.

“Fuck j-joel,” you stammered, your hot breath fanning against his neck, “want, need your cock,” you were getting needy, washed up by the incoming wave of your orgasm, ready to hit just as hard as before, if that was physically possible. “Don't get greedy now,” He smirked down at you, eyes wild. Hot tears were rolling down your cheeks, salty and stinging, your body shaking, giving way to another tortuous release. 

He pulled his hand away and sucked eagerly at his drenched fingers, watching as you came apart on the desk, moaning and whining for him. 

He sat you up, grabbing a coke from his outdoor refrigerator and leaning against it as he opened it, muscles flexing he clicked it open, tossing the bottle opener to the side and handing it to you. You grasped it with clammy palms, your vision slowly coming back, your body still fucked-out and trembling, cock-dumb for a cock you hadn't even had. 

“Welp,” He put his hands on his hips, like some suburban dad done with a barbecue, “that was real nice, weren't it?” He patted you on the shoulder, ignoring the bewildered expression on your face. 

“Duty calls, kids’ll be down here in an hour or so,” he slapped his thighs and raised his eyebrows, it was as if he’d just given you a friendly handshake, not eaten you out and made you cum twice. 

“Aren’t you going to..” you stopped yourself, you’d been awaiting the next round, (even if you weren't sure you could take another round) the one he’d talked about with that same smug look on his face as he finger-fucked you. 

He grinned down at her, ruffling your hair, “another time hey kiddo?” he said kindly, but it was perhaps the furthest thing from kind you’d ever seen. You glared up at him in disbelief, mouth agape, cheeks rosy, skin glassy from tears of pleasure, you didn't even know that was a thing. He patted you on the shoulder, smiling earnestly, that glint of mischief turned to one of absolute cruelty in his eyes. 

“Atta’ girl.” 

And he was gone. Joel was out the door as quickly as he’d entered, leaving you panting, bottomless and flushed and sweaty, your shorts half way across the room, the coke bottle dampening your fingers.

 He’d really done a number on you, gotten you all needy and riled up, then done something to you that no one had ever bothered with. Then he’d just left, like it wasn't the best you’d ever felt, like you hadn't been imagining how many babies you were going to give him, what colour flowers’d be in your bouquet at the wedding.

 It was embarrassing; being humiliated yet a-fucking-gain by a man well over twice your age, legs trembling on the soaked desk, the model on the front of his porno magazine beside you grinning up at you smugly, fucking bitch. 

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

4/8/2024 eclipse notes

Overall it was a hopeful day for me despite the ever-looming sense of mourning. but the eclipse made it feel special. this eclipse was so mathematically rare because of the exact EXACT chiron conjunction. down to the minute. never experienced something so precise in my 15 yrs observing astrology.. i lit a candle for sammy & spent a while praying then did yoga n journalled outside as the eclipse waned. u couldnt see the full thing here but i saw a little ^.^

i've talked about chiron on the blog b4 but if ur not sure basically it's a major asteroid named after chiron the centaur, "The Wounded Healer". i feel that nickname sums up wat chiron's about, it's your deepest pain, isolation, rejection, & it's where your greatest potential to heal others (+yourself) can be brought forth. so chiron was turbo-activated today. it's digging up a lot of sh** for me truly. like this is rly crazy. but what i realized today is that i'm in the best place i've ever been to grieve, that was my eclipse revelation i spose.

and this is the most painful loss i have experienced in a loooong long time bcus this was someone i spoke to basically every day for the past year. but even then, i feel sm more equipped to get thru it , even if i feel rly quiet rn & not like myself, i kno it'll pass & i'll feel like i can be normal again. dnt feel much like posting rn but i'll get back to it eventually cus sammy rly loved my blog like sincerely i never felt embarrassed that he read my posts. although i do feel this is causing me another minor crisis over internet usage & how to exist online, i know i have to keep posting for sammy P..

yeah ahh the sadness comes in waves but im really glad i am where i am rn to process it all. it's weird to know this will impact my whole life going forward. it makes me think back to sain;t's death and how that changed the course of everything. except back then i was in the WORST environment to cope with it. it's so different now. saint's full name was saint chiron too !! so i always think of them when new chiron sky theatrics are happening. i'm like Awww Saint Wouldve loved writing a 10 paragraph introspective post about this ...They trained me in this manner :>

couldnt resist a late night ramble as i am ever so restless. tomorrow i have therapy for the first time since the day before denji ate a ziploc bag and got emergency surgery. i think that was like 3? weeks ago?? so basically i'm convinced time isnt real anymore because there's no way it hasn't been 3 months. rapid fire trauma lol o_o like please wonderful lord in heaven can we just pick, a struggle , one single struggle is enough. tysm. thats all for now.. trying not to scroll the dash because everything make me feel too crazy rn so pls dont think im ignoring u everyone Ok ilu.. gn

[crabonfire]

Hi! Loved your TF2 “one bed tropes” part 1! So glad you’re back writing too! Your ability to really capture each of the guys’ personalities is fabulously uncanny. You really make them come to life.

I was wondering how you think the mercs would react to their s/o being insecure/jealous that someone out of their age range is flirting with them. That is to say, the s/o is the same age as the merc and the ‘flirter’ is either younger (in the case of Spy or Medic, etc) or older (as for Scout). I hope that made sense!

Thank you!

YOOOOO THANK U SO MUCH 😭😭😭 I APPRICIATE IT thats very nice ahshshdh 😋😋😋 I'm smiling so hard rn ty :)

but yeah totally! I love this idea

Mercs reacting to an upset reader because merc was getting flirted on by someone not their age.

characters: all mercenaries

warnings: none

note: reader gender is not specified!!!

situaaation

You and Merc were at a gathering, just hanging out. You go to get drinks for the both of you, but when you come back you see thay they're being flirted with by a random person. You get a bit upset, and the insecurities start getting to you :(

♡Scout♡

• doesn't catch onto the flirting, because he is not interested in them at all so he just thinks the person flirting is just a real nice person.

• he gets lost in the convo with the person and doesn't even notice you see them together. you don't know what it is but your heart swells, your hands are gripping the glasses but you calm yourself down.

'Man, jealousy is not my colour.'

They talk for a bit until the person has to leave, when you come over and hand him the drink he notices how dry your being.

"Yo, you good toots? Sum' happen?"

"Oh no, I'm uh...good."

He can read you like a book. You never get quiet with him unless something happened.

"Yeah, no, we're not doin' this. C'mon."

He takes you by the hand and leads you both somewhere quieter, his gaze on you is one of concern.

"What happened? Did I do sum'?"

"No no! It's just...I don't know."

He gives you a moment to speak,

"You know that...lady you spoke to a bit ago? I don't know why but, the way she spoke to you just sorta made me feel...jealous."

"Jealous? Aw babe, its cute that your jealous but you have nothin' to be jealous of."

"Yeah but...I don't know. She was so confident with you, she was...real pretty too. I just got kinda...worried you know? Like, she could replace me easily. It's stupid- just ignore I said anything."

You smile wearily and awkwardly laugh to move on from the situation and looks away. He frowns, he can feel his heart shattering at your words. He cups your cheek to make you focus on him.

"Y/N, yer the coolest most amazing and awesome person I have ever met. Yer cute, handsome, real pretty too. I'd never even think of replacin' you, got that? Your stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you."

Tears well up in your eyes as you melt into his touch and hold his hand with yours, kissing his palm and smiling softly.

"God, I love you Jer. Thank you, your also the coolest, most awesome, and amazing person I've ever met."

He leans in to kiss your forehead, letting go of your cheek and tightening his hold on your hand.

"You wanna go home and watch some movies at my place?"

"Hell yeah. This place is frickin' boring."

♡Soldier♡

• I know soldier is dense and all, but I can't really see him to be dense towards flirting.

• so you probably don't need to be jealous? Because the moment another person goes up to him to flirt with him he will get very angry.

• "ILL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM TAKEN BY A VERY LOVELY PERSON! AND I AM NOT LOOKING TO BE WITH ANYBODY ELSE OTHER THAN THEM! DO NOT BOTHER ME AGAIN, OR I WILL MAKE YOU GO THROUGH HELL!"

• so..no he's not really someone you need to be jealous of. But, if there were to be a scenario where someone was going over his head and you got jealous, I think he'd find your jealousy quite...attractive?

• he's always been the rough and leader type, so when you take initiative by talking to him later alone about how you felt so aggravated by the person who was flirting with him and how you felt upset, he felt bad but also kind of think its sweet.

of course he will tell you that he belongs to you and only you, going as far as creating you a fake certificate that says your his and he's yours. (it's so sweet) but he will also tell you how cute you are when your jealous. He loves that possessiveness to you!

• I can't say much about jealousy when it comes to the either of you, he doesn't get jealous often.

♡Pyro♡

• he doesn't see the signs of the flirting. because like...boy has major self esteem issues and is taking any form of flirting as a sign of friendship, its a sad way to think but it's also because of the fact he wouldn't think anyone would flirt with him now that he's taken.

• so when he notices you gripping the cups your holding and having a slight frown to your face, he instantly gets worried and ignores the person entirely. He's very attentive to small details, so he knows somethings up.

"Mmhud hhuuhhdhmmahd? Mmhhud hhuuh mmhhuhahh?" (What happened? Are you okay?)

"Yeah-sorry I just...I don't know. That person's flirting with you, ya know?"

"HUUH." (OH.)

he deadass didn't know LMFAOOO like yeah like I said, good at reading tones but he genuinely didn't have any interest in the person so he didn't pay much attention.

"It's silly but...I don't know-forget it. Here, I got us our drinks."

"Hhhuhhh..mmmhuhda." (Oh..okay.)

For the rest of the party he notices your mood has changed from the happy go lucky one before, so when the party gets quiet he leads you over and sits with you outside.

He asks whats wrong and he frowns when he realises that you were upset because you thought he'd leave you for said person. He gives you a tight hug, and pats your back.

"Hhuhda, Hhuhd mmhuhhda mmmhff mmhuhh mmhhuhd huuhm huuud huuhch."

(Y/N, I'd never leave you for some side bitch.)

That made you chuckle a bit, he continued on explaining about how much you mean to him. It was...tooth rottening shit, I'm talking the shit you cry at from Disney movies.

He's honestly confused on why you'd be jealous because in reality HES SCARED of you leaving him. He's never felt such a connection with someone so understanding and sweet like you, it honestly hurts him that you'd even think this way and it stings even more that you don't realise how your perfect for him.

You two go home early and just spend the night cuddling, he let's you talk more about it and that night you two learn more about yourselves.

♡Demoman♡

• this man is not dense. just like soldier, he knows when someone is tryna get with him.

• so I genuinely don't know any scenarios where you'd be jealous because...this man clings onto you like a fucking KOALA.

• he's the one taking the drinks for you, actually.

• I genuinely cannot see you ever needing to be jealous over him, as hard as I try to write nothing comes up in my head LMFAOOO

• he's not easily jealous either, so yall don't really need to worry about anything.

• if someone tries to ask him out, he'd just sling his arm over your shoulder while he talks to them about another topic. Giving them a smug look and even kissing you on the cheek when you have to go and get something.

♡Heavy♡

• When he notices how quiet you get when this random lady in front of the both of you starts flirting and egging him on, he immediately just shuts her up.

• He politely tells her that he is happily taken, holding your hand and asking her to respect that. If she understands and backs away it's fine, but if she starts to side eye you...hold him down cause he'll beat her ass.

• "Are you okay, lisichka?"

"I guess."

He doesn't know why your being quiet, and instead feels like he's the one to blame...like he did something wrong. He's a mature man, so he wouldn't beat around the bush about it.

"Please be honest with me, did I do something Y/N?"

"Oh-no no sorry...its just-" You sigh "I don't know, I sometimes wonder why your with me. Like...you could do better. You know?"

He let's you vent to him for a bit but truth be told he can't help but shake his head in disagreement and grip your hand when he does.

"You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. No words can describe how much I care for you, moya lyubov. Whatever it is you are thinking, I am sorry. But I love you, and not anybody else. If there is person who make you feel like this, I will crush their tiny head. Da?"

"...yea. I... thanks babe."

"Of course. Do not worry, Heavy will never leave your side, lisichka."

• he holds your hand the entire night and glares at anybody who even tries to get close to you, or him.

♡Engineer♡

• like demo, he's not dense in any sense. But I have a feeling for some reason, he'd like to see you jealous. In fact, he'd find it quite cute.

• but at this moment he was enjoying himself too much to realise that the person who was listening to him ramble was actually trying to flirt with him.

• it was a junior engineer, you saw how he smiled at them and something in you sortve broke. They looked so calm, collected, and smart. Honestly speaking, you don't understand much of what Engie usually talks about but you still like hearing about it. But seeing someone who does know, with their stupidly good hair and stupidly attractive self...that made you feel a bit upset.

• Engie had noticed you coming back with the drinks, having that same usual soft smile on his face when he greets you. But he can tell by your strained smile that something is bothering you, how you lightly grip the glass in your hands, he can tell you know, he's not dumb.

It clicks in his head, he takes the drink from you and excuses himself from the junior engineer, asking you if you want to be somewhere quieter. You agree, letting him take the both of you outside.

• "Sugar, are you alright?"

He doesn't even waste time, because he knows you. He knows how easily you downgrade yourself in the face of other people, he knows. You don't say it, but he's been with you long enough to understand what those hating glances you throw at yourself in the mirror mean.

"I...man."

The both if you sit in silence for a bit.

"You don't hafta tell me if ya don't wanna honey bee, I'm not forcin you to."

"Yeah...I'm-I just...I guess I feel a bit weird? I don't know how to explain it. Like, the person you talked to...they were so smart. So...soft spoken, so dignified...It makes me wonder why be with me when you have people like that approaching you."

He frowns, you look away but he keeps that worried stare on you.

"Like-why me? I'm such a dork and there's so much people out there who are better compared to me. I'm just some pathetic person you just so happened to meet."

"Hey-no, don't you dare say that about yourself."

Your attention is back on him now, his face is stern.

"Darlin' you are the sweetest and kindest soul I have ever laid my eyes on. You are perfect in every single aspect, and I could give less of a damn to the people around me. You got that?"

• His tone gets a bit rough, but he means well. You know he does, he always does. You can't help the tears that start to form in your eyes, he quickly notices and wipes them away, cupping your cheek and giving you a caring smile.

"Dontcha ever worry about that ever again alright? I love you, so so much. Nothing anyone says or do will ever change how I think about you. You are perfect."

He hugs you tightly, rubbing circles on your back as he let's you cry.

brb gonna sob I wish he was real

♡Medic♡

• I don't think medic would be the type to like social gatherings (unless its a topic he likes), so he tends to be at quieter places. While your out getting drinks, he sits by a quiet part of the room by himself, waiting for you patiently.

• a girl sits by him, giving him a smile. He returns one too, to be polite of course.

"You come here often?"

Oh boy. Not this.

He didn't wanna be here in the first place and now he has to TALK to people? Cmon Y/N where are you.

"No! Zhis is a social gathering...and it is my first time being here."

"Ah, it's my first time too. My names Angela, you?"

"My coworkers call me Medic."

"Pleasure to meet you Medic."

The convo just goes on, but honestly medic isn't even paying attention at this point. He just wants OUT of this conversation.

• When he sees you back with the drinks in your hand he instantly lights up, getting up from the chair and going to greet you.

"There you are! Sorry it took a while, the ball room is CROWDED."

"Ah, it is alright mein liebe. Now, let's go."

"HUH? Go where?"

He doesn't even say anything else and just walks away with you outside, not even giving you a chance to look at Angela's pissed off face.

• when you both are finally alone, he sighs and chugs the glass of champagne you got him.

"Woahhh there buddy, slow down."

"Zhat was HORRIBLE. Zhe woman I was talking to was so incredibly boring, she went on and ooonnnnn about how she's making a new...'makeup line' the ingredients she told me about are NOT skin friendly. It honestly bothers me how so many morons are at zhis gathering."

He just goes on and on, you have to stop him from breaking the glass of champagne from how much he's gripping it.

"Woah okay okay-lets just go home okay? The people here are kinda annoying. One guy kept on trying to ask for my number even though I told him I was taken."

He stops

"Oh really? And, where is this gentleman?"

"...nevermind. forget I said anything."

"No no, tell me. I just want to meet them."

"Yeah let's get back. It's late."

♡Sniper♡

• nope. no.

• he sees someone walking up to him? Automatically just runs away.

• he is also clinging onto you the entire time, or staying outside to wait for you. No fucking way is he having HUMAN CONVERSATIONS. FUCK THAT SHIT.

• yeah, sorry. He'd probably get jealous of you pretty easily though!

♡Spy♡

• oh now this is interesting.

• this mf would ACTIVELY make you jealous. Like the asshole he is.

• now sadly, this asshole is being a bigger asshole than usual, because he doesn't take into consideration that you are insecure.

• so when he sees you having tears in your eyes, gripping the glasses and having a slight frown when he's jokingly flirting with another person, automatically just drops everything.

• he grabs you by the waist and kisses you, wiping your tears away and cupping your cheek.

"I'm so sorry mon couer, it seems I have went over line. I would never love anyone else, it was merely a terrible joke." He will literally just take you out that night and make out with you. Buying you gifts and taking you to cafes, and repeatedly apologising whenever you think about it.

He doesn't quite understand why your insecure, but he will listen to your rants anyways.

"Ma belle, you are as radiant as the sun, as sweet as sugar, and as delightful as the night sky. I would not trade you for anything or anyone. Nothing can ever separate us, because I have fallen for you. I am forever yours, and you are mine."

corny ahh mf (I want him inside of me)

hi!!

I'm so sorry for...not writing for like a month or more HAHHAHAHAHAHHA shit has been so rough lately. Anyways WOO I'm writing again.

[fictionalmenxyn]

Your writing is lovely! Would you do something like reader being prone to nosebleeds?(I've had a few nasty incidents of getting them when I'm stressed and it makes me super self-concious lol)

Of course I can do this for you! :)

Tw: Blood

Ghost

He was sat on a chair around a table with Soap and Price

You were walking into the break room after writing a stressful load of paper work

You had already been really stressed from meetings and decision making as your also a Lt

You wanted to grab a water so you could stop the headache you currently have

So going over to the fridge you grabbed a water from a mini fridge

And as you were about to open it you felt a droplet on your hand

Looking down to see the blood you huffed hating that it would always happen

You turned around as you grabbed some paper towels

Ghost saw you walking over with you holding a paper towels on your face

He obviously raise an eyebrow and asked “you alright, love?”

You spoke “yeah, just a nose bleed thats all” Ghost was concerned and asked “did anyone hurt you?” You replied “no, I get them when I’m stressed all the time”

He’s so confused as he’s never seen them that much but come to think about it he doesn’t see you that stressed often

Soap

You and him were out on a walk having a somewhat nicer day than this morning. It was a stressful start to the day but it somewhat got better

As you were both walking you had decided that taking a hike on the hillside closest to base was a nice idea to have a fresh start after the busyness of this morning

You had spotted a cool looking building in the distance and spoke “Soap look” as you pointed out you had felt something drop onto your hand

Soap was looking at the area you had pointed to while you were looking at the blood on your hand

You quickly asked “hey, do you have any tissues?” He turned to you thinking you were about to see until he spotted your nose bleeding

He panicked slightly and asked “how did that happen?” You spoke “I get them often, don’t panic” he was still confused but searched his bag and luckily he had some tissues in there

Later that walk you explained how if you were stressed and your body couldn’t take anymore stress it would give you a nose bleed as a ‘sign’ that you need a break

Gaz

You were walking from the board office after a presentation you had just presented in front of new recruits

It was somewhat stressful as you weren’t a fan of presenting anyways but Laswell told you it would help her and Price out

You left the boarding office and walked towards the brake room to grab some food and a drink for yourself

But as you were walking you felt something drip onto your shirt, you thought it was a leak cause someone the other day mentioned there was a leak somewhere in the base

So you look up to see nothing, no patchy ceiling nor water marks

You looked at your shirt and pulled it out a bit then you saw a few drops of blood on your shirt

Then you felt it on your lip so you touched just under your nose and saw blood on your fingers

You looked around and saw “Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick” on a door

You rushed over and knocked the door, you could hear his boots and then watched as he revealed himself behind the door

He noticed the blood on you instantly and moved to the side while asking “you alright babe? No one hit you have they?” You shook your head

Rushing into the bathroom you grabbed some toilet paper, placing it in your nose you washed your hands

Gaz came over and placed a hand on the small of your back and asked “how did this happen? Eh?” You replied “got over stressed, this happens a lot when I’m stressed”

Gaz nodded and spoke “I’ll get you a shirt” he went over and grabbed one of his shorts and gave it to you

Price

He was in his office at the time this happened

You were in the break room finishing off your paper work to hand over to Price

Once you had finished you headed straight to his office

Walking over to the door you had knocked and peaked your head through and spoke “hey love?”

He replied “hey, come in” you let yourself in and he raised an eyebrow

You asked “what’s wrong?” He stood up and spoke “come here a second” you walked over a little nervous thinking you’ve done something wrong

Then he placed his index (pointing) finger under your chin and lifted your head so he could see better and then he spoke “you have a nose bleed”

You wiped it and spoke “oh” he asked “what caused it?” You replied “over worked myself” Price spoke “alright, here… have some tissues” he handed you a box and you grabbed one

He asked “so me a favour” you nodded as you wiped the blood

He replied “don’t over work yourself, alright love?” You nodded

He gave you a famous smile and a kiss on the cheek and spoke “go to my room and get yourself a clean shirt” you nodded and left

Alejandro

You were in the living room while he was in the kitchen cooking you both dinner

You had been working for a solid two hours on your military prep and corse work for the new recruits

You were stressing so much since the deadline was tomorrow and you were about the third of the way done

You felt as if you had a cold so you wiped your nose with your hand and then saw the red smeared across you hand

You rolled your eyes and headed over to the kitchen to grab some kitchen roll

Walking in you spoke “hey dear, is there any kitchen roll?” He turned and spoke “yeah, over on the dining table” you thanked him and then he spoke “did you spill you coffee?”

You replied “nah, I got a nose bleed” he turned around and looked sorrowful for you

You smiled and spoke “don’t need to look so pitiful at me Ale, I get them all the time it’s no different” he raised an eyebrow then you explained it to him

Rudy

You were both watching tv, it was a nice day so you wore some shorts

You were sat next to Rudy as you watched (your favourite show/movie) and you were enjoying this peaceful time before your big and important meeting with Laswell and some other important people

You had been worrying for the past two days and it’s starting to get the better of you

You were watching the movie until you felt something drip onto your leg

Looking down you spotted a droplet of blood, you knew that you had worried yourself too much

So you tapped your lip and saw some blood on your finger tip

You looked over to Rudy and asked “do you have any tissues on you?” He looked over and instantly got worried “omg what happened?”

You replied “I got a nose bleed for making myself worry about later” he nodded and left the room and came back with tissues

He handed them to you and then asked “do you get them often?” You nodded and he asked “because you worry?” You spoke “yeah had them since I was young, so no need to worry really”

He nodded and gave you a hug then spoke “don’t worry about that meeting my love, you’ll do just fine”

Hope you enjoyed:)

Have a good day/night!

Requests are open! May take time but it is open :)

[alisria]

i know i am just smad because im tired and in pain and havent eaten in 12 hours and have no plans to but

i think as i approach 30 i am really starting to lose my mind a little bit about how ive spent 27 years putting my life on hold until X. like oh i will go out and do new things when i have X. i cant enjoy travelling until i have X. i cant be happy until i have X. and like. X doesnt seem possible anymore. i dont have the willpower to make it happen. i dont care enough. because i never gave myself anything to care about because that was something that would come after X. well what the fuck do i do when X never comes? feel like this forever? because ive certainly been dealing with that reality my entire life. and i can look at my friends and see they dont need X to be happy and thats fine and im so glad for them and i dont WANT them to need X but i do.

and it's like. okay well if X is my obstacle, what are the steps i need to take to get X? okay well join your support groups. go to your doctor. get more doctors. beg for help with X from them. from your family. and then the support groups say "you dont want it enough", the doctors say "you shouldnt want X at all", and your family doesnt answer your pleas because what you want doesn't matter, you dont want it enough, you should be doing other things, etc. and it's like. all my life i have felt like an absolutely massive part of me is missing. and the only thing that will fix it is X. doctor will give you vyvanse. doctor will give you all the hormones you can dream of without you even fucking asking. doctor will offer gender affirming surgery you dont even want. but you beg for X, you beg for help just getting closer to X, you write out a page of reasons why X would get you closer to finally feeling like a real person, like yourself, a self you havent even fucking met yet at nearly 30 years old, and doctor goes "ehhh well you need to learn to be happy without X. because you can't have it." and its like well girl what the FUCK do i do because thats the only thing ive literally ever wanted and i've structured my entire life over the pipe dream of maybe having it someday and i CANT have anything else until i have X and they kind of shrug and give you another doctor that goes yeah no you dont get a diagnosis and nothing is wrong with you and i wont help you get X so no more appointments call me if you need me but doctor i am fucking pagliacci.

and there's that nagging thought, that if i get X, nothing will change. the support groups tell you this. nothing will change. you will still be socially inept, you will still be mentally ill with agoraphobia, you will still struggle every fucking day of your life with choices that tear you apart. and i can hear that for 10 years and still feel incomplete without it. i am defective goods and i need a part installed and people either say "well you dont need that part to work!" "you can be happy without the part!" "you can never have the part, even if you get it installed it will never work so why even bother?" and this is supposed to feel like support. this is supposed to be positivity. but it's not. maybe it is for other people. but it isnt for me. but i can have hormones if i want!!!!! here you can transition wont that make you feel better!!!!! wont that make you hate yourself less!!!!! have as many hormones as you want!!!!!!!

and on tuesday im going to go to the doctor and smile and say everythings great im fine physiotherapy is working the meds are working everything is perfect see you in 3 months when i am quite literally rotting inside and there is no cure

im going to bed

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

ooo can I hear about the bap crew?

OF COURSE <333 i loveeee talking about the bap crew thank youuuu

okay so first off general warnings for the podcasts and all my posts about it for the most part <3 there are mentions of cults, death/murder, religion (and the like) and i think thats it mostly? (as a general) but sometimes it can be a lot, take care of yourself yall <33 and the rest is under the cut there is a lot <3

with that out of the way i guess if you didn't know already lol !! they are my podcast ocs !!! i'm in the works of creating a horror <3 podcast that takes place in an amusement park with 5 main characters and a god <3

so this post here explains a lot about the main characters personalities and stuff and the tags #brickwoods and #bap on my tumblr have some other posts related to the crew <3 recently i've been doing some extra stuff for fleshing out their families who will eventually be showing up in podcast and i can do a quick over view of them here tho <3

oh and not necessarily crew related but the length of podcast <333 imma ramble about that for a sec <3 so season 1 is going to be all amusement park stuff and the last episode of that season will be a major plot point/death (sorta setting the darker/more dramatic scene for s2) s2 is also amusement park shenanigans however now that the stakes have been raised the rest of the cast is pretty scared now yk. but they have still their motivations for wanting to get out and so <3

s3 is going to be after our final girl rebecca escapes the park and tries to a) sorta solve why that happened in the first place (why them. who is the god etc etc) and b) try to give closure to the others families so yeah. plus some other plots things yk <3

and then s4 will most likely be rebecca trying to stop/take down the cult because she doesn't want something like this to happen again and the ending is in workshop <33 (aka i can't decide between like. a couple possible endings i have planned but main plot won't change despite which one i eventually choose :))

okay so back to the crew lol <33 since that other post explains a lot of basic stuff about them feel free to ask specific questions about them now that you have info about them <3 but for now family time !!!

(specific warnings for this area some bad parents mentioned)

so david <3 ae is an only child with 2 moms, they are very sweet and amazing and extremely Extremely heartbroken when david never comes home after the park and stuff. they definitely had like plans for college visits and they had a car ready for when david was going to get aer license. the two of them are going to be pretty sad to write for in s3 i think but also i love them as characters (i was posting about them like last week lol they are very cute and fun when they arent sad </3)

hmm sophia's family <3 so her dad was born into the cult when it was a bit less strict (he was 'home-schooled' by the cult but also was allowed out bc his family is a main influential family) and her mom married in. they aren't the nicest parents by a long shot, and they only respect sophia because she became the leader. sophia does have a sibling however she doesn't know about them bc their parents kept them separate in order not to 'taint' sophia's godly touch

rebecca's family doesn't have too much going on, it is also an only child and her parents have been active in her life, not as great/caring as davids parents yet not uncaring either. rebecca really just lived with them her whole life and doesn't totally feel like it connected with its parents in any important way tbh

sunni ! so sunni grew up with only his mom and his sister and after the incident with carter (wait did i tell yall that was her name yet. thats the mutual best friends name in case i Didnt say that already <3) sunni's sister Mary ended up moving out with a friend and not keeping in touch with sunni or their mom again. she also changed her last name as soon as she legally could. but yeah so sunni doesn't have a very close relationship with his mom either and he has no relationship with his sister anymore which upests him a lot but he also keeps this close to him

and blair <3 so blair has 2 brothers (twins age 10 (i think)) named ben and bruno (named by My twin siblings so) and their parents are pretty bad. blair is very protective of their younger brothers and has been trying for a while to save up enough to move all of them out but hasn't quite yet. they fight really hard in the park to try and get out because they do not want to leave their brothers with out someone else to help and be there with them.

and i think thats it for a basic run over of all their families and the characters in general a bit <3 :)) feel free to ask any questions based on this post, the last post or like. literally anything <33 they are my passion project and i love BAP sooo very much <3

[turvuren]

cAN I CAN I CANICANICANIIIII

CAN I ASK YOU TO WRITE SOMETHING #WHUMP ABOUT MOON!PHOSPHOPHYLLITE/LITTLE VERS!PHOSPHOPHYLLITE????

and at the same time I’ll share my thoughts on this topic, like, you can ignore them but I just wanted to share so yeah

Maybe Moon / Phos M/F uhoh

I think Phos barely knows Moon...Like, she saw him a couple of times but that was all🤔

Moon is damn tall. Imean...5'8-5'9"??????? And Phos, on the contrary, is a rather short huh, small cute and fragile >:з

I think they would have a small age difference, about a year..

In general, that's all I would like to say, lol, bro. You don’t have to include thoughts in general in the post if you do write something, but it would be great if they were in the post :0

lol i usually write rutile centric stuff 😭😭 I'm pretty indifferent towards phos but I'll try OK SO ive had this idea for a while... sibling phoses. i couldnt think of a way to write them with diff names without it sounding corny in eng, i liked genki phos anyways. like imagine his literal name being winter or moon... or by god, joy. lol

name should be self explanatory. genki - happy, so its the og phos. tsuki - winter. winter phos. tsuki - moon. thats it

cw incest sorry not sorry.

"What the hell is that fucker's problem?..." "What?" Phos shakes her head, gesturing at the man with the weird bucket hair and that weird prosthetic eye. Because no way in hell there's anyone with a natural white iris, right? And heterochromia doesn't work that way. Never does. Her roommate, some weird girl Phos doesn't even bother remembering the name of, just shrugs. "That's just how he usually acts. I think he's a third year." "Still a goddamn weirdo." Phos is messing with the vending machine when he comes across her again, and she just about screams in shock - until she gets a nice, long look at that stupid face. "...brother..?" "Hiya. Long time no see?"

There are 3 Phos's - at least in this small little town. The youngest, Genki, the middle child, Fuyuki, and the eldest half brother to Genki and Fuyuki - Tsuki.

See, Tsuki was a little bit of a brat. And a troublemaker. Genki had never met him, only told stories of him - don't ever turn out like your brother, yadayada, he had been a little bit more than just a handful after - "You're a murderer," Genki says, getting a bit scared now. "How...? Aren't you supposed to be in prison?" Tsuki laughs. "Parole, kid. Anyways, never really seen you in person. What's your name again...? Gen...?" "Genki. You're..." "Tsuki. Your beloved big brother-" "Hell no!" Genki backs away. "Look. Get the hell away from me. I've seen you, watching me these past few... everything! What do you want?" Tsuki laughs again, grating, grating sound against her ears. "What? Can't even look at my own little sister?" "Absolutely not. Go fuck yourself." "What? We just met and you're telling me off?" Genki shakes her head. "You're a damn criminal. I will NOT associate myself with the likes of you - now if you'll excuse me, I have CLASS-" He grabs her by the shoulder and presses his lips against hers. For a moment, Genki is a stunned, unable to react, but as her thoughts return she pushes him away. "What the fuck-?" "I'll make this quick," Tsuki cuts her off. "I'm single. Lonely. You don't wanna see your big brother-" "Cut it out with that big brother crap! You're not my brother, I only have one, and that's-" "Fuyuki? Oh, he's much more pliant compared to you, isn't he? But that's what makes me... endear you. You're so much more feisty, more personality." "I-" "Back to the point. Nobody likes me around here." "And what makes you think I do?!" "Well? We're family. You share my blood. My dirty, murderer blood." "That's not true. We're not even-" "Fully related? That's true. I guess you're only half murderer." "Cut it out!" "No." Genki grits her teeth. What an infuriating bastard. Not even anyone else comes close to this level of... of... "Look, Gen," Tsuki sighs. "I just want someone to spend time with little ol me. Don't you pity me?" Genki narrows her eyes. Maybe... maybe. He's... kind of making her feel bad. "Fine. What do you want?" Oh, but how wrong a decision that is.

Genki buries her face in her hands as Tsuki pulls away, cigarette smoke filling the hotel room. Bite marks over her exposed shoulders where the covers can't hide her shame. "Well? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Dirty. So dirty. This murderer ... and her. "You did a great job there, sis. Don't mope about it. Poison isn't so bad. At least he died quickly. Painlessly." "Painlessly? Really?" They're not so different, are they?

[keysmashhhhhhhh]

15 Q 15 FRIENDS

OMG I've missed tag games!! thank you so much @fernandoalonzoo for that tag!!! :))))

Are you named after anyone? my first name no but my middle name is the name of my my mum's sister who died before i was born :)

When was the last you cried? today, yikes its been...a day for sure, from my boss being a dick, to my work friend accidently spoiling the race results for me and another friend calling me up only to talk about herself, yeah its been a time but im feeling better now i'm on tumblr :)

Do you have kids? omg no, i barely take care of myself however i did buy a colindar and a cheese grater for uni yesterday and that felt very adult and responsible.

What sports do you play/have you played? i used to do swimming, netball and cricket as a kid but nothing serious

Do you use sarcasm? its in my dna

What is the first thing you notice about people? HAIR OMG ALWAYS HAIR i dont know how to explain it i can just read people by their hair

What is your eye color? blueeeeee

Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings always :)

Any talents? speedy reading and writing skills, also just an uncanny knack for hunting things down (sort of rainbolt style if anyone gets that reference) like give me an obscure piece of information or a blurry photo and i see it as a challenge to find it. comes in very handy during research projects

Where were you born? nearly on tower bridge (see photo) in london

basically, my mum went into labour and the hospital was on the other side of the bridge to where we lived and then whilst in labour the bridge went up and my mum was stuck waiting for the boat to pass so she could drive but yeah she did make it to the hospital on time yay - i was born in the same room as Paul McCartney's daughter and also Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin from Coldplay, their kid was also born in the same place. its like less than a minute away from Abby Road - so all in all a cool place to be born :)

What are your hobbies? reading books, watching tv, going on lots of long walks, plotting routes across the world that ill never travel - f1 of course and generally tumblring it up with my mutuals :)

Do you have any pets? no :( my dad is allergic to just about everything

How tall are you? i actually dont know haha, kind of medium height i guess

Favorite subject at school? history for sure best subject

Dream job? something where i get to talk about things im passionate about, journalist perhaps??? im not sure

this was so much fun!! sorry for recounting such a long explanation of where i was born its just such a fun story :)

tagging: @fandomchaosposts @love4lando @formulapisces @sof1shticated @multiseb21 @481boxboxbaby

i have many more people id love to tag but i've got to run for a train so thats it but if you see this consider yourself tagged!! also if you're tagged but have already been tagged/dont feel up to it, dont worry!!!!! anyways hope everyone is having a lovely day :)))

[hosticaaa]

Questions for muns of canon muses

@novinare 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖉 ; Do you have any controversial headcanons that go against what is generally accepted by the fandom? Do you incorporate this into writing your muse or keep it to yourself? What is an aspect of your muse’s canon material or canon existence that you never had the opportunity to explore but really want to?

Ohh, yes !! I think I have something that fits for both questions for Al right off the bat kinda. If I could make art of the stuff in my brain it'd be over but since I can't, yeah, I'll have to just talk about it. I really imagine Alastor's true demon form to be something grotesque and horrifying, more so than what we see in the show since I don't imagine that as his complete true form. My Alastor's true form would be a nightmarish amalgamation of the creature in Antlers, the Xenomorph Queen and a hint of the gaping dragon in Dark Souls.

He has monstrous features of a huge, "rotting" stag and something more crocodilian because another, I guess, "unique" feature of my take on Alastor is that his deer aesthetic is very off putting, this is very much in the realms of the "not deer" rather than an actual deer and I personally also relate him to a crocodile more than a deer internally so thats kind of a dual/hidden motif for him. This is kinda the supernatural representation of Alastor appearing to be a kind, charming gentleman but actually being a savage, unnatural killer underneath that.

Tbh, I've gone back and forth on it because I think the fanon of Al having a little deer tail is super cute but I don't think mine has one. His true form has a tail, but its long and reptilian and not deer-like. So I guess if I give my Al a little hidden tail it would more reflect this and instead of being a cute deer tail it'd be more like a velvety nub, so not cute and fluffy like the way the fandom depicts it.

It also kinda ties to Al's swamp aesthetic and I personally have an idea that Al's "serial killer name" or at least one of the nicknames that the public gave the supposed perpetrator of his killings was "the bayou beast." So yeah, that all kinda ties and links together for me but since this is my first time getting to actively write Alastor I haven't been able to really explore any of that too much until hopefully now ! Something I'd like to also go into is the esoteric / occult aspects of him but I'm sort of waiting to see what the canons gonna do with this first.

Also, as far as Dabi's concerned I tend to go against fanon with him pretty hard in general, and yeah, no, I'm def someone who likes to make this clear and obvious as possible. I understand a lot of it got popular before the major background reveals but to be honest as someone who watched and read the series with no spoilers my headcanons and thoughts about him developed pretty early on so I'm still kinda left baffled as to where and why fanon developed certain ways for him, like, outside of people just being wildy horny, kinda stereotyping alternative people in a grossly negative way and just sort of lacking narrative awareness in general, I guess ? So actually I guess I'm not baffled, more just irritated by it, actually. While Dabi IS alt, and I portray him as majorly a crust punk personally, the fandoms take of Dabi's altness is very shallow/inauthentic and focuses on shit that has nothing to do with punk/alt subculture or no more to do with it than mainstream culture ( Like being a junkie/drug addict and a sex fiend fuck boy ). So yeah, I pretty much headcanon Dabi as the complete opposite of what is popular and expected of him in fanon.

As for things to explore ? I'd love more Todoroki fam stuff !! And more stuff with the LoV, like just general stuff honestly but this can kinda tricky because both the LoV and the Todoroki family outside of Shoto can be hard to find as muses. The threads I have with the Todo fam rn are so special to me, I love them so much but I do hope the fandom livens up in May maybe.

[hyunsvngs]

idk if i should be called dream anon or what since i keep coming back to talk about dreams, but! i come back with another one about chan.

in my dream we were working on a song together but i was literally utterly distracted bc god damn he's so pretty. but chan didn't realize what was distracting me, he was like ???? thats not like you at all whats got you with writers block

and feeling like im caught like oh its hard to write a song when i dont have some experience to base it off of bc its supposed to be like... sexy.

and chans like oh thats it, i know that feeling.

and im like yeah sure you do you literally write songs about desire and sex but then you explain them to fans like someone who literally can't navigate it. just teasing him and all that, cause channies so cute when he's flustered.

and of course chans like "oh" clearly embarrassed at my call out. but then hes like "is that why you dont write normal love songs cause you've never been with anyone." and im like listen, "its hard for people to even want you when you look like an amorphous dented over boiled potato"

and so chan says "is that how you see yourself?" but i dont wanna talk about it so i go back to writing, but then hes like "thats not true you look good the way you are, you're fine, you know that."

but i roll my eyes and just keep explaining that "yes i see myself that way, and that's fine because no one usually wants me. but its fine. i just can't write songs like that then."

and chan isnt having it and like, spins me around in his studio chair to make me look at him bc i keep avoiding the topic

and then he said something about whatever we were supposed to be working on, about how the lyrics were supposed to be about something i tried to say i didn't worry about, and yet i was struggling.

and he gets this really hot mad look, and i mean like, god he's so hot when he's mad. he says something along the lines of how i shouldn't say that about myself that i am desirable.

so i retort with "that's easy to say when all you have to do is post a selfie and thousands of people want to suck your dick on the spot."

and his eyes get all dark and suddenly he's leaning over me while i'm still sitting in his studio chair. and im like, ranting about the whole thing being like i know hes got confidence issues but theres people out there to tell him how hot he is every day and blah blah blah so its completely lost on me for a second what he says while i'm talking.

cause chan's like "well the person i'm after doesn't really want that on the spot, so, yknow."

so when i finally catch up i'm like what the fuck do you mean there's someone out there that doesn't immediately want to do that-

and then i realize he literally means me bc honestly the thought of sucking a dick kinda makes me nauseous but also i look at this man and think man i'd try it at least once.

but then he pauses and i pause and there's this insane tension and then bam i'm making out with bang chan in my dream and at one point he hauled my ass out of that chair like i weighed nothing,,,

anyways that's dream time with me again! i'm trying to find dreams i've documented bc ive been sleeping all weird lately and not had many

WHATTTT THE FUCK?!?! THEI IS ISNANE AND SO SDXY

[mondaychildsworld]

I know the end - Joel x Reader

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Part Three / ?

Rating: M

Word Count: 5.3K

Chapter summary: In search of a vehicle you stumble upon some infected and learn some new things about each other. Reader patches Joel up and ✨✨✨!!

Warnings: Infected, (small) mention of drugs, swearing, some violence I guess, and some tiny tiny tiny amount of fluff (?!?!) (idek if thats a warning but here we go)

A/N: Sorry for taking soooo long! I've had two weeks of travel during the summer, started a full time job AND moving at the same time... Let's just say there hasn't been any time left for writing. I'm already sleep deprived lol. I've done some sporadically writing while I've had time to kill at airports and I've finally tied it all together! Enjoy!! It's definitely worth reading and you'll experience some feelings at the end, aaaah!!!

And here's my tiny taglist: @boofy1998

November 21st 2023

“Okay, so it shouldn’t be too long now!” Joel shouts as you find yourself and your companions on an old dirt road. Everything you see is still covered in white. It’s been better weather for a couple of days. The sun is shining and you’re in a better mood. 

“Yeah? You think we’ll be there today?” You ask and squint your eyes, raising your hand to your head to bring your eyes some shade from the sun. 

“Sure.” Joel simply says, but he doesn’t give you a look back. So kind of him. 

You’ve been hiking to Cheyenne for the last couple of days. It’s been going alright, despite everything. You’ve accepted the pain and the loss. It still feels like there’s a big hole in your heart. A piece of the puzzle to your soul is missing. But you’ve accepted that there’s no other option than keep going. It scares you even more to give up. You might not have anyone left to live for, but there’s got to be some sort of reason why you’re still here. Your time is not up. You know that this is not the end for you. 

Ellie puts on a mischievous smile and pulls up the book ‘No pun intended: Volume Too’. You let a small chuckle slip past your lips. Joel, who walks in front of the two of you, looks back and sees Ellie browse through the pages. 

”Oh, Ellie…” Joel starts with a sigh. The 14-year old has been reading from the pun book non stop, or kept asking questions only a FEDRA teenager would ask. She’s clearly smart, but there’s a lot about the world she doesn’t know about. She keeps being fascinated by just the smallest things. For example, could she not stop asking about how cool it was that you could go to the cinema, once you’ve stated that you often used to visit the movies. ‘You could buy popcorn?! Damn, what’s that like? I’ve never had popcorn’ she could say, and then tell you about the shitty movie night they sometimes could have at the FEDRA school on special occasions. You felt sorry for her, a kid not being able to grow up as one. 

“Who is the penguin’s favorite aunt?” she asks the both of you as she ignores Joel’s small protest. Her eyes darted between the two of you eagerly waiting for any of you to come up with the answer. 

“Oh I don’t know Ellie.” You say and your eyes and stare at the man in front of you, now walking backwards, waiting for the second half of the pun. He raises his hands as a way of surrendering to the question, he glimpses over to you and your eyes meet. You think you could see some sort of smile behind the scruffy beard and bushy eyebrows. He actually enjoys this, you think. He really doesn’t mind the puns, if you could guess. He tries to not show it though.

“Aunt-Arctica!” Ellie says with a big smile, laughs a bit and clutches the book to her chest. “That one’s good, right?”

Joel gives Ellie a quick, almost pained smile and hums something inaudible. He then looks at you again, for just a couple of seconds. It looks like he suddenly regrets resting his eyes on you and quickly looks back to Ellie again. 

“Next one Ellie?” You request another pun to keep your mind and eyes occupied on anything else than him. Because, of course, you have been looking at him, always walking in front of you. Not like there’s much else to do out here. He’s just a bit older than you, but surely still looks good. You’d guess he was very handsome when he was younger. Now he’s hiding all of that under a stern, unfriendly approach, very much directed towards you.

“Your wish is my command.” She says jokingly “So, how do you make holy water?”

You don’t know that one. Instead Joel’s face lights up, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“You know it?!” Ellie giggles loudly. 

“Yep, not gonna say it though.” He answers. 

“Oh no, no, no.” Ellie points at him with the book. “You gotta answer, because if I reveal the answer, you’ll only lie and tell me you knew it”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Joel says, jokingly defensive.

“Yes you would!” Ellie bites back. “Just say it!”

They continue to bicker about who’s going to reveal the answer to the pun as the dirt road makes a slight turn to the right and just there, in the far distance, you see it. You gasp for a second and then nervously look around y0u. They haven’t noticed. The city unveils itself in front of you. Far away, you can spot buildings and roads belonging to the city of Cheyenne.

“Guys!” You excitedly say as you try to gain their attention. But they’re in deep arguments about the pun. 

“Hey!” You try again. But with no response you reach out and lightly push Joel by his shoulder. He gives you that look again, but also looks a bit startled as to why you’re touching him. 

“Look.” You quietly say, now that you’ve gained his attention. He looks down at your hand, still on his shoulder. You quickly drop it and take a step back as he turns around to see what you’re wanting his attention for. 

“Well I’ll be damned.” He mutters and looks back at Ellie. “Welcome to Cheyenne.” 

After some time spent on foot towards the city you’re finally standing at the outskirts of the town. There’s abandoned cars all the way down Route 85 you just walked by. The whole way over here Joel had been holding a firm grip on his rifle. The lighthearted laughs and the kind gaze was completely gone. He’s now in a whole other mood. He’s on a mission, and his focus is now 100% on the plan of action for the town in front of you. 

“Hey, remember what I said?” Joel says to the group, and it seems more like a statement than a question. 

“Go through, be quiet, find a car and get out of here.” Ellie answers, pleased to show Joel that she’s able to listen, before she adds, ”Please can I use my gun?” 

Joel steps over a pile of metal trash that’s blocking your way into entering the town. Both you and Ellie follow. You can see that he considers Ellie’s request for a moment, and quickly settles for a positive answer, if you’d ask Ellie herself. 

“Sure.” He says as he reaches out a hand for you to grab, as you make your way down from the old scrap pile. “But only when I say so.”

You just give him a glare back, and let the silence speak for itself. You don’t need help over this little obstacle. Joel sighs and offers his hand to Ellie, instead of you. Ellie, who apparently liked you, takes up on your way of refusing help and jumps down from the pile by herself. There’s an awful lot of noise when little pieces of old junk follow her on the way down, metal slamming into the concrete ground. 

Joel squeezes his eyes shut and draws his hand back, now raking through his hair. Definitely annoyed. 

“Ellie! What did I just say!” He hisses before he looks around for any kind of movement from the silent city. 

“Sorry…” Ellie apologizes.

The silence is almost eerie. It’s like it’s too quiet. There’s no way this city is empty. If there aren't any humans that made up a safe camp in any nearby building, you wouldn’t be surprised to stumble upon one or two infected. You kind of hoped for the later, humans often meant more trouble. And you can’t always shoot your way out of trouble. Like last time. 

Of course, it’s also the humans who bring the silence. Not the other way around. Many of the infected can make an awful lot of noise. 

But this time you seem to be safe, as you slowly make your way into the city. The open view you had over the landscape slowly disappears as you make your way into the heart of the city, away from the interstates. You tightly cling to your gun. You’re nervous. But you would never confess it. 

Your eyes roam the streets for a car that isn’t burned out, has a flat tire or just looks like complete junk.

Joel leads the group further into the center of the town. You jump over the guardrail and start to miss the wide open space you just left behind. 

You glimpse over your shoulder and see Ellie walking as if you were out on a high school field trip. The nervous feeling in your belly does not give you the same easy going appearance. Maybe it’s because you’ve been out here for longer than her, or it is because you remember what cities like this might’ve looked like before. 

Cheyenne is that kind of city that isn’t huge, but still pretty large. You pass a couple of motels at the outskirts of the town. They look worn down and you don’t even want to know what could be hiding inside. You know all too well that places like that look very inviting when you’re tired, hungry and on the run from the mess that this world turned out to be. 

About half an hour later you’re way further into the town than you’re actually comfortable with. You’ve passed many vehicles by now, only to find most of them out of gas or with a flat tire, which doesn’t feel like a good sign. 

“I’m not feeling great about this.” You say after you checked another vehicle, which turned out to have a dead battery. 

“I know.” Joel mumbles. “But we need that car.”

There’s a wrinkle in between his brows. Worried. 

“Let’s have a look in here, maybe?” Ellie asks and gestures towards the supermarket on the next block. 

“You won’t find anything in there.” Joel says. 

“Especially not a car.” You add. 

You look up at the sky. The sun is going to set soon. This time of the year doesn’t bring you that much daylight. 

“I’m hungry.” Ellie simply states. 

Joel nods silently towards Ellie and then looks over to you. 

“If you want to, you can try out the rest of the cars down the street, and I’ll see if I can find her something to eat.”

You hesitate at his words, suggesting leaving you alone on the street. He must’ve seen how the idea he just proposed made you uneasy. 

“We’ll be in for just a few minutes, there’s probably not anything left anyway.” He speaks quietly, calmly. 

You nod, and watch them walk toward the supermarket while you continue to try out the cars on the street. 

The next couple of cars turn out to be a disappointment. Flat tire. Flat tire. Crashed. Broken windshield. Totally burnt out. Flat tire. 

But then you see a car a couple of vehicles away that actually looks promising. You look around, keeping a steady hand on the trigger as you slowly walk up to the truck and open the door. You take a few steps back and aim into the truck. 

Empty. 

You sigh with relief. The car looks way too good to have been standing here since the outbreak. Someone must’ve left it here not too long ago. 

You jump into the car seat and immediately start working on hot-wiring the car. 

You hear the engine kicking to life and you let out a happy shriek in the car, you’re just about to turn around and get out of the car to go get Joel and Ellie when you hear a loud crash. 

The smile on your lips suddenly fades away and is now turned into a frown. You turn your head towards the sound. At the same time you see shatters of glass on the ground, just outside the supermarket. And a body. There’s a body on the ground. 

“No!” You yell and throw yourself out of the car. It can’t be Ellie. It’s too big. Your heart sinks as you realize that it could be Joel’s body laying there lifeless on the street. That means that Ellie could be left alone inside. But not totally alone. Alone with a threat, even worse. 

You sprint up to the body and yell for Ellie at the same time. You draw your gun and as you are just a few steps away from the body, you realize it’s not Joel. It’s an infected. Shot in the head, blood pooling around the fungi covered body. 

You hear your name being yelled and look through the broken supermarket window. 

Your eyes meet Joel’s. 

There’s panic and fear at the same time as they’re determined. 

“Get the car!” He yells at you, and as you turn around and run towards the truck there’s gunshots. 

So much happens at the same time. Your pulse has skyrocketed in just a few seconds. You jump into the car and quickly reverse it back towards the supermarket. You need to get to safety. All of you. 

As you reverse back you keep looking into the rearview window. When you’re about halfway you see two people running out from the supermarket. Joel and Ellie… tightly followed by a bunch of infected. You don’t have time to count them, but it seems to be around half a dozen of them. 

Just as you slow down to let them into the truck, when they’re just a few meters behind, it happens. You feel something graze your shoulder. You turn your head and see how an infected is leaning into the car through the open window of the passenger seat. 

Panic sets in your body at once and you scream as you push the break down. The jaw of what once seemed to be a teenage boy clatters violently after your skin and flesh. You reach for your gun with shaky hands. 

“Help!” You scream as you accidentally drop your gun to the floor. You don’t have time to search for it now. The infected boy keeps crawling into the car through the window and you try to shove it back without getting bitten as you’re now pressed up against the door of the car.

A couple of seconds later the door opens abruptly. You nearly fall out but your back lands against something warm and firm. You see a rifle above your head as you try to grasp anything to hold onto. A second later the infected is shot and dead and you’re being roughly pulled up by strong arms. 

Soon you realize what’s happening. Joel pushes you back into the seat. He shot the infected and saved you. 

“Than-“ You start to thank him, but are abruptly interrupted by a gasp and some cursing from behind Joel. 

He turns around to face Ellie, who stumbles up behind him, white as a sheet. 

He raises his rifle and shoots off the infected that has now gotten uncomfortably close to Ellie. 

He gives her a worried look and tells her to get in the truck. She jumps into the backseat as he rushes to the passenger seat, still shooting at the infected closing up to the car. 

As soon as Joel has dragged the dead body out of the car and you all have taken a seat you press down on the gas pedal as hard as you can. The car speeds away quickly and you leave the scene behind. 

“What the hell happened in there?!” You exclaim and look up into the mirror, back at Ellie. She stays quiet, fumbles with the hem of her shirt and gives Joel a worrying look. She ignores your question and the looks you give through the mirror. 

You try and navigate your way out of the city, without stumbling upon even more surprises. That was a close call, for all of you. 

“Joel…” Ellie quietly says. You give them a quick glance through the mirror. He’s already leaning back to Ellie in the passenger seat. 

You make a quick turn to the left. The pressing silence in the car is obvious. You just escaped death yet another time, this wasn’t the end either. 

At the same moment you steer the car straight up the street you just turned to, you catch a glimpse of Ellie in the backseat. It’s for just a second, before she pulls her sleeve down again. But you see it. The bite mark. 

You freeze in your seat. Your knuckles turn white as your grip on the steering wheel tightens. Fuck.

“You’re infected.” You say with a shaky voice. “I’m so sorry Ellie, I’m so sorry but we can’t-“

Your voice breaks. You feel tears approaching and you swallow and try to gather your thoughts. Ellie is just a girl and her days are counted. 

“No.”

It’s Joel who speaks up. 

“Yes. You know how this will end.” You answer. 

“You don’t understand.”

“Yes I do. I’ve seen people getting bit before.”

He calmly observes you for a second. It’s frustrating how he doesn’t seem to even give Ellie some sort of reaction towards her new death sentence. 

“There’s no way out of this.” You continue. 

“Just drive.” He says sternly before leaning back again to Ellie. “You’ okay?”

His tone changes completely as soon as he speaks to her instead of you. They continue to mumble with each other for a minute. That’s when you decide that you’ve had enough. You’ve driven a couple of blocks away from the group of infected and decide that you’re at a safe distance. You push the break. 

“What are you doing?!” Ellie asks, frightened, holding onto Joel’s headrest as the car stops abruptly. 

“You’re infected and you two can’t continue to ignore that fact.” You say and cross your arms. “What the fuck is this?”

“Jesus, just-“ Joel says and rakes his fingers through his silver sprained hair. “Just move the fucking car and we’ll sort this out.”

“Please enlighten me, how do we ‘sort this out’ now?” You ask as you grab the steering wheel again. “She’s infected.”

“I’m not.” A quiet voice says from behind. 

“Ellie.” Joel warns her. 

You reluctantly start to drive the truck again, through the streets like they’re a maze to get out of this town. You did get a car, at least. Mission complete. In one way. 

“What do you mean Ellie?” You sigh. “I saw the bite mark.” 

“We should just tell her, Joel.” 

“Ellie! You agreed not to-“

“Yeah, I know.” She says. “But what if she just decides to, I don’t know, kill me in my sleep now?!” 

“She won’t.” He says and makes a distressed grimace before he covers his face with his large hands. “You know what, fuck it.”

He sighs and turns to you. 

“She’s immune.”

“Joel, that’s impossible.”

“It’s not.” He says. “I’ve… I’ve seen it.”

“What do you mean?”

Ellie leans forwards and pops her head between the two of you. She props her arms up on your seats. 

“I’ve been bitten before, but I’ve never turned.” She says and looks over to Joel. “He wanted to shoot me at first too but here we are, on this road trip towa-“

“That’s enough.” Joel chimes in.

Ellie puts her arm between the two of you, over the gear shift. It’s the opposite arm from what you saw in the mirror just a couple of minutes ago. She pulls her sleeve up and you glance down. It’s obviously a bite mark. It’s definitely cordyceps, but totally healed. Ellie’s left with only a scar. 

“Oh.” You say. That’s the only thing you can say. You’re shocked, confused and still a bit stressed out from the incident. Ellie rolls her sleeve down again and a silence falls over all of you as you drive your way out of town.

About an hour later you’re far away from Cheyenne. You had driven west, trying to stay away from the big roads. Ellie has fallen asleep in the backseat, mouth slightly open. 

There’s been nothing but silence between you and Joel since you found out about Ellie’s immunity. He’s been reading the map and pointing out which way to go. But other than that, you hadn’t spoken. 

“Joel…” You start, silently, to not wake Ellie up. You glance into the mirror but she hasn’t moved an inch. 

You get a grumpy humming sound as a response. 

“Why are you here?”

“What?” He answers, and sounds tired. 

“Why are you and Ellie here?” You ask. “It’s pretty weird, you’ve just showed up in the middle of the woods, with an immune kid?”

He’s quiet. 

“You show up with a teenage girl, who’s apparently immune? I know you well enough to know that this is not your style. You’ve given me such a hard time this week. So what am I supposed to do? Don’t you understand that I’m freaking out here?”

 Your rambling trails off. There are a few more seconds of silence before he speaks. 

“Don’t act like you know me.”

“Oh, so you’re still going to give me the cold shoulder? It’s not like I expected a warm welcome from you, but this? You’re just so unfriendly for no reason at all. I left my sister for dead about a week ago and you just shut me out, it’s like you have no empathy left in your soul.”

“I-“ He starts but stops himself, taking a couple of seconds to decide what to say or not. “I don’t… it’s complicated and I never asked for this.” 

“Yeah?” You ask. “Fucking complicated, no doubt about that.” 

He doesn’t give a proper answer, but you hear him grunt something you really can’t make out.

It’s dark outside. All you see is the stars scattered over the dark blue sky and the small road in front of you. Your eyes have been on the hunt for a good place to camp. At least you can sleep in the car now, as a backup plan.  

Your stomach rumbles a bit. You haven’t eaten since yesterday, since the supermarket visit hadn’t gone as planned. Joel looks out the passenger window. You’re stuck here together in the car, so you suppose that’s all he can do as he tries to ignore you again. He’s slowly scratching his beard with his hand. 

Suddenly he pauses and raises his hand up to the window. He points out in the dark at the same time as he finally speaks up. 

“Drive over there.” The tiredness in his tone is changed into something else, something more hopeful. “Old cabin.”

You slow down and turn to the right, into an overgrown dirt road. Once, it might’ve been covered by gravel. Now it’s barely visible. 

Now you see the small cabin too. It’s not big, but it looks sturdy, after all these years left abandoned. You pull up next to it and Joel looks back at Ellie, still asleep, before grabbing his rifle. 

“Wait here.” He says and his dark eyes meet yours. You just nod and feel the breeze of cold air finding its way into the car as he opens the door and leaves. You feel like shit.

He’s gone for a couple of minutes and you sit there frozen, the whole time. This whole situation is fucked up. You’re left in the car with a possibly, or possibly not, infected kid in the middle of nowhere. 

Soon Joel comes back and opens the backseat door next to Ellie but pauses and looks over at you for a second. He nods back towards the house to say ‘all good, let’s go’. Carefully he grips her shoulder and shakes her slightly.

You hear her mumble and shuffle out from the truck, with Joel’s arm around her shoulders as they make their way into the cabin. You sit silently in the car for a moment before you turn the engine off. The lights turn off and the backs of your two companions disappear just like your source of light. It takes a couple of seconds to get your eyes used to the dark. You take a deep breath and open the driver's door and step out onto the frozen ground. The flashlight blinks a bit as you click the power button and you need to firmly hit it against the palm of your hand before the flickering stops. The solid stream of light leads you up to the cabin, backpack slung over your shoulder. Your breath creates a frozen cloud in front of you as you exhale deeply before you enter the cabin. 

Once you’re inside, you can see that the cabin's layout is basically just one big room. The small kitchen is located in the right corner. It’s small and full of stuffed animals on the wall, hunting trophies. You suppose this cabin must’ve been an old hunting cabin. The room is sparsely furnished. A couch is placed in the middle of the room, with a small and dusty coffee table in front. Ellie is already fast asleep on the couch. On the wall next to the kitchen, a big fireplace dominates most of the wall, with a big head of a deer hanging right over it. 

In front of the fireplace you find a hunched down figure, which is Joel, trying to get a fire going.

You nervously look out of the windows, trying to make sure that no one, or nothing, followed you out here. You close the curtains and take a look in the cabinets of the kitchen but with no luck. They’re all empty of anything edible, but are stashed with some outdoor equipment, some plates, and a first aid kit, but it looks pretty beat up so you just suppose there isn’t anything of use in there. You sigh and awkwardly turn around to face the room. In front of the fireplace, in the cabin's only armchair, Joel  sits slumped down with his head down, focusing on his hands.

There’s no other comfortable place to sit, other than the floor. You consider going back out to sleep in the car, even if that’s an option you’re not too keen on.

Joel noticed your awkward stance in the kitchen and you caught his stare. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes look tired. He blinks a couple of times and then pulls out his sleeping bag from his backpack next to him, as if he could read your mind. 

“Take it.” He says and holds the sleeping bag out towards you, like a peace offering. 

You slowly walk towards him and the fireplace, not breaking eye contact. As soon as you reach out and grab the sleeping bag his attention goes back to his other hand. You glance down and see that he’s hurt. There’s a cut in the soft flesh between his thumb and index finger, and his knuckles are bruised. 

“Hey, let me help you.” You say as you bend down and try to grab his hand but he shoves your hand away and mutters something.

You take a step back and remember the first aid kit in the kitchen cabinet. You walk over there and open the door, grab the small back and start to dig through its contents. It’s mostly empty, but - bingo! - a roll of gauze bandage. 

Joel looks reluctantly at you as you bend down on the sleeping bag in front of him again. You give him a look and he sighs as he slowly places his hand in yours, which is already reached out for his. 

You take your bottle of water and start cleaning the wound and Joel hisses and drags his hand back a bit.

“I know something better.” He breathes out in pain. 

“There’s this bar cart…” He gestures behind him and you nod and walk behind the armchair. Against the wall there is indeed a small bar cart, mostly covered in old boxes for ammunition, a dirty old whiskey glass and some dusty old gloves, but on the lower shelf there are a couple of almost empty bottles. You grab a glass bottle with a clear liquid and open it. You sniff carefully and it’s clearly still pretty strong after all these years in solitude.

You walk back to Joel and bend down in front of him, again. This time you grab his hand and you pause for a second. This almost feels too intimate. You hesitate to continue and you’re once again faced with that awkward feeling you had in the kitchen before. Joel places his other hand on yours, and holds it tight with both hands. You look up and meet his gaze. You must look terrified, like a deer in the headlights. How did you allow yourself to get this close to Joel? How did he even allow it?! The man who’s been more hostile than gracious towards you - is now holding your hand in a way you’d never imagine. You wish you had gone back to sleep in the truck, or that your stash of pills wasn’t long gone. You wanted to remove yourself from the situation, or at least numb the anxiety in your chest. 

“It’s okay.” Joel assures and slowly lets go of your hand so you’re left with only the injured one, resting heavily in yours. 

You slowly start to dab the cut on his hands clean with the alcohol that you found. You clean his knuckles and can’t help but study his hands even more. They’re big, rugged and firm in contrast to yours - which are rather the opposite to yours. They might not be as smooth and pretty as they used to be, but now, compared to his, it doesn’t look like you’ve been through an apocalypse at all. 

“Fuck.” He grits his teeth and tries to stay quiet to not wake up the sleeping teenager on the couch. The alcohol must sting in the cut. 

You start to wrap the gauze around his hand and the cut once everything looks clean.

“How did you…?” You mumble as you secure the gauze, but you don’t let go of his hand. He doesn’t move either. You feel your pulse rise. 

“The glass door of the supermarket.” He mumbles and starts to stroke your hand with his thumb. The movement makes your skin tingle. But for him, it must hurt. Despite that, he keeps going. “Or the window, I don’t know.”

You just nod. You don’t know what to say. Or if you even can say anything. You’re terrified and totally consumed by his skin brushing against yours, and his honest, almost vulnerable gaze. 

“Look, I…” He starts but trials off just as Ellie mumbles something.

You both draw your hands back and your eyes quickly dart over to the couch. Ellie smacks her lips slowly and her mouth stays open just a bit, before she starts to snore.

The spot Joel’s thumb kept brushing at your hand suddenly feels cold. You shiver a little bit and almost feel caught in the act of something… Something you weren’t supposed to do. No, that was nothing. That was only an act of gratitude for patching him up. Nothing else. You didn’t even want it to be anything else, you tried to tell yourself. But somehow something had shifted in the air between the two of you. You had told him he had given you the cold shoulder, that he’d been nothing but unfriendly to you and maybe he felt ashamed of his bad behavior. You didn’t need to be friends, but maybe he realized that you at least could be equals.

You quietly slipped into his sleeping bag between Joel and the fireplace. You didn’t want to continue the conversation he started, didn’t want to hear what he had to say. You didn’t want to ruin this moment. You placed your backpack on the floor to use a pillow and slowly sank down, making yourself comfortable. You could hear the cracking of the fire and Joel’s steady breaths as you drifted off to sleep. The sleeping bag smells like dust, wood and Joel.

[noobette-little-box]

talkin about minecraft

hey hi it's me noobette hello!!

im gonna try writing something that longer than what i normally post because im kinda bored right now and kinda wanna talk alot about minecraft

so yea

minecraft!

you know it

if you don't what minecraft is somehow

what rock do you live under, and can i join you so you're not lonely

big 3d sandbox game about blocks that released in 2009, created by Notch, a guy i don't feel like talking about much.

i've never actually beat minecraft at all

i've been playing for like

6-8 years at this point

i've only ever played minecraft pocket edition and minecraft ps4 edition

it was the only game i played like a month after i got my tonsils taken out

back when i was like 5 or 6 i played ps3 edition but didnt understand the controls lol

anyways, minecraft has been in my life for over a third of it, and yet i have not beaten it

and i don't really know why

sure it could be that i prefer the calm of a creative world to the chaotic nature of survival

but if that's the case, then why would i create all these survival worlds

i don't think the issue is how i like to play the game, but how the game is played, if that makes sense.

this is more of an issue with newer versions of minecraft, which is a sentence that has been said hundreds of times, but it's true! new minecraft just removes the fun!!

back in the older days of minecraft you just needed diamonds, blaze rods, ender pearls, and about a stack of dirt, and you could go beat the ender dragon

it's mostly the same in the new version too but now everything is made more complicated

like early stages are mostly the same, punch tree, get wood, get stone, go mine, simple

but now instead of building a little mineshaft to dig down, you wanna fine a cave, and hope it goes all the way down to deepslate, if you ever want hope of finding diamonds

then if you want enchantments, you don't want to get an enchantment table, no, you want about 15 librarian villagers to get the stuff you want, which turns villagers into pretty much a necessity instead of a "ooh hehe im gonna build a little village for the little villagers teehee"

then for the nether

here, you now can get material better than diamonds! this is not a bad thing by itself, but it's so hard to get that there's no real reason to get it! you need to go collect a smithing template from one of the bastions in order to upgrade 1 piece of armor!

considering it's an achievement to upgrade a diamond hoe to netherite, and you will mostly want to upgrade the rest of your tools, thats 9 smithing templates and 9 netherite ingots!!

and to get one netherite ingot you need 4 ancient scraps!! which means you need to find 36 ancient debris blocks, which are really hard to find!!! so it's really not worth it to get netherite at all!! and with all the new biomes and structures, the fortresses are harder to find, making it harder to get the blaze rods!!

once you have the blaze rods theres 3 different ways to get ender pearls now. you can either hunt down endermen, barter with piglins, or trade with villagers!! the ones that are easiest are villagers or piglins!! this means villagers are even more of a "god i really fuckin need it" thing!

once you get the eyes of ender the end game is mostly just the same

im probably just being stupid, but i preferred it when you had to get stuff by yourself instead of just buying it from a villager

i know it's not necessary at all but if you're playing with other people they're going to be way ahead compared to you

in my opinion the most recent update that i've liked had been the aquatic update because it didn't make progression any easier or harder

all of this is probably why i've never really beaten minecraft. maybe i should go and make a world just to try playing it the way i want to and see if i can beat the game

if i do i will update you guys on this

okay yeah it was not that long but eh