#anyway i cry about them. enjoyyy

[draculings]

an incredibly sensitive instrument.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Love Needs No Voice (Part 2)

Part 1

Summary: He is not what she thought he would be.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: eheheh be warned children, id warned you before, and im warning you now, this fic goes on to be angst and sadness with no happy ending. obviously, i love you all, thats why im writing this in the first place 😇

im an angel arent i 🥰

anyways, enjoyyy!!! and cry

•○🌑○•

Y/n had skipped school for two days after the popular guy found out about her muteness, and she was sure everyone in the university knew by now.

Y/n hated when anyone who she did not trust found out about her muteness, her past experience making her always keep her guard up.

She'ds had to change her schools multiple times because almost everytime someone found out about her lack of voice, they would either make fun of her or pity her, and Y/n despised either option.

But then Y/n met Nesta in high school, and since then they'd been inseparable. Nesta had gone as far as to change her schools so that Y/n would always have a familiar face to rely on.

Her teachers were always notified of her problem, and they never made Y/n do anything that might have her speak, but they also did not stop other kids from bullying her.

"Y/n? You coming today?" Nesta called out as she walked into Y/n's room, and Y/n winced, turning away from the mirror she was staring at herself in.

She nodded, signing to her friend. You go. I'll be with you in a minute. I need to grab some things.

Nesta gave Y/n a thumbs up, walking out of the door. Y/n sighed, looking around at the mess in her room, wondering if she really should start cleaning it up a bit more. The clothes lay haphazardly around the room, on her bed and on her chair, an empty cup discarded on her bedside table.

She decided not being late to her classes was a priority, and that she could chide herself after she returned.

With a final glance around the room, Y/n went to grab her bag from next to her door. She slung her backpack over her shoulder, then paused when her eyes landed on a shiny, expensive looking pen.

His pen.

Two days ago when Y/n had practically run away from Rhysand, she had accidentally shoved his pen into her bag along with her own belongings, uncaring as getting away was the only thing on her mind.

Y/n stared at it a moment longer, then grabbed it, holding it in her hands as she walked over to where Nesta was waiting for her next to the door.

Nesta eyed the pen with disdain before meeting Y/n's eyes. "Do you want me to return it for you?"

Y/n shook her head.

"Okay. But if anytime you change your mind, let me know. I'll stick the thing right up his expensive arse."

That made Y/n smile, and she stepped forward to grab Nesta's elbow as she slid the pen into the pocket of her jacket.

"I'm not kidding. I really will."

Yeah yeah whatever you say. Y/n signed.

Nesta huffed, turning to lock the door once the two of them stepped out.

•○🌑○•

Y/n had hoped to put his pen on his desk when he was not sitting on it and then quickly leave. Easy, right?

Wrong.

Y/n mentally kicked herself as she stared into glittering violet eyes, the owner of them grinning.

"Hey." He murmured, having snuck up behind her, catching her trying to be sneaky.

Y/n gave him a small nod, her eyes narrowing at the excitement that rolled off him in waves. She wondered what had him so happy.

He took a deep breath, glanced around, making sure no one was near or watching, then lifted his hands.

Ever so slowly, he began moving them, the grin on his face melting off as a furrow of concentration appeared on his brow.

Y/n watched, her breath hitching.

"How are you doing?" He signed.

Y/n could do nothing but look at him, frozen in place as she realised that maybe, just maybe, this guy was not the asshole she was hoping him to be.

And for some reason, that scared her.

He glanced up, his eyes hopeful. When Y/n simply stared at him, wide eyed, he faltered.

"Did I do something wrong?" Rhysand tugged on his bag's strap that hung over one of his shoulders, his lips turning down into a frown as he mumbled to himself. "I knew I should have found someone better."

Y/n shook her head slowly, then raised her hands, eyes never leaving his.

"I'm good. How are you?"

The happy gleam returned to his eyes. "I'm perfect."

Y/n smiled softly, because she was getting the feeling that he really was perfect.

HIs eyes tracked the movement, swallowing as he straightened. He looked back down to his hands.

"So... now we can be friends?"

He glanced up at her his eyes questioning whether he had done the signing right. Y/n smile widened, nodding.

"Did you always know sign language?"

Rhysand blinked at Y/n, confused. Y/n cocked her head.

"You haven't learned that yet?"

Rhys shook his head.

Y/n thought for a moment, then grabbed the pen she had been about to return and pulled out a paper from her bag. She wrote down her question and gave him the paper.

"Oh. No. I started learning it two days ago."

Y/n nodded, glancing behind him to find the professor Christina, who taught them english literature, entering the classroom.

Y/n nodded her head to Rhysand to tell him that the teacher had arrived before walking to her seat, her heart fluttering.

Her heart fluttered so much that she began to wonder if she was going to die.

Only time will tell.

•○🌑○•

LNNV Taglist: @natashachelsea @cumuluscranium @annaaaaa88 @eerievixen @astarlitsoul @thesnugglingduck @oucereeng

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @sweetcarolina-24

[ellieslittleburrow]

Geralt Headcanons

Painrings : Geralt of rivia x daughter/ Geralt x platonic! Reader

Warnings : none

A/N : hello peeps, i tried my best to make them broader and not just limit them to father daughter stuff, we can turn one of them into a little ficcie if desired. Alsoo Comments are much much appreciated. Enjoyyy 🥀

-----

You and Geralt had found each other on destiny's commands. It wasn't easy, suddenly being under somebody's wing, having to trust them and listen to them.

Whenever danger was felt, Geralt would place a hand on your shoulder, his own little protective move, prepared for whatever's about to come.

When you're out in a market or somewhere he deems to be dangerous, he makes sure to always be somewhere behind you. No matter how far you get away, he's always somewhere close watching over you.

After a few of your nightly freakouts, Geralt offered up a little spot beside him every night. He doesn't order you to come over. He doesn't ask if you want to come over. He just settles down on whatever bed he's sleeping on and puffs up a little pillow he keeps beside him. If it's a whole seperate room. Then the same line is growled :"I'll keep my door open in case i am needed."

A boy smiles at you and the witcher is there to smile back. Not in a possessive way. Not in a she is untouchable kind of way. Just a simple smile, to assert his threatening presence. A smile that says if she is hurt, you're fucked.

Mornings are your least favorite time of the day. Geralt is always at the foot of your bed, gently swinging your foot left and right, in an attempt to wake you up. It surely annoys you but it's not until he grabs your wrist and pulls it upwards that you start getting annoyed. And then comes the full pull, when he grabs you from under the armpits and drags you out. You groan in unpleasentness but let go anyways.

Late nights are for sure your favorites, though. Just a grumpy old guy running after you and pleading for you to go to sleep. You dodge his reaching arm, giggling at his frowning features. He growls your name and sighs, giving up. And you just stand awkwardly, triumph radiating out of you.

What you reeeally dislike, though, is those little fights you and Geralt have about your future and your training. Him not wanting you to get in harm's way. You doing everything possible to get in harm's way. He yells at you. You never ended up crying or anything like that. You just bottled it up and sat in your little corner, getting slowly eaten up by the deafening silence that reigns the space. But then one of you breaks it. And everything slowly goes back to normal.

All in all, life with the witcher is not easy. But how could you deny the warmth that coated your broken heart, the warmth that filled it with love. The warmth that filled it with the father, brother, protector that you never had.

-------

End of poem. I could never use such methodology for my own school work, goddammit. Anyway, i hope yall like this ❤️❤️❤️🥀🥀🥀

[jhynka]

- from here on out

part 1 part 2 part 3

genre: fluff, angst with and without comfort, series

pairing: suguru niragi x reader

sypnosis: you enter the borderlands with your 4-year-old son, Hotaru, the only goal you have is to find your husband and brother except who knows how they've changed and what they've done while you were gone.

CW: unedited

AN: hello hello!!!! another fic back at you again (two fics in two days?? Impossible!) anyway here's a fic where chishiya is ur brother , you're married to niragi and you both have a son named hotaru! now its GUARANTEED that you will get a part 2 since i already have it and i just need to polish it. anyway yuh hope you enjoyyy happy reading!

Entering the borderlands with your 4-year-old son wasn't easy. The both of you were at the pediatrician for his regular checkups while your husband was outside waiting with your take-outs. Birds chirped outside the hospital window with the amazing sight of Shibuya down below, citizens resembled little ants of differing colors, walking diagonally across the streets and collecting together in small groups at entrances of establishments.

The doctor spoke while measuring Hotaru’s height, “How are you these days Mrs.Niragi?’ she said still focused on the tiny numbers on the scale, smiling at your son. “Hotaru grew 3 inches since his last appointment! he's growing quite fast for his age, also starting to look a bit more like his father.” she teased, turning to face you as you gaze out the window.

You look back at her and Hotaru. “We’ve been great lately, Hotaru’s getting straight A’s at school, my husband recently got promoted, and my brother is about to graduate med school! Thankfully, everything just seems to have fit into place for the family.’ You replied, reminiscing on the past few weeks with a smile.

Your smile didn't last for long however, a glowing object suddenly appeared in the sky, causing the three of you in the room to acknowledge it. It grew larger and larger in the sky till you realized it was a missile-like object. Fireworks appeared confusing all of you. The three of you panicked and ran to the lower floors for protection. A loud bang was all that was heard until it was just a black void of darkness. You could only hope your family was safe and sound.

You awoke as Hotaru shook your body for any sign of life. Your surroundings were silent, eerie, and covered with the scent of gasoline in the air. “Mommy, Mommy! Everyone’s gone, I cant find Daddy or the doctor!” Hotaru said crying. You cupped his cheeks and assured him that everything would be alright.

The both of you walked around the abandoned, wrecked streets, trying to find another human being, and trying to escape. Eventually, a middle-aged man came running toward the two of you, his face planted with fright.

“Woman, it's not safe for you and your son here. Take these, the Beach will find a use for these when you get there. You both will be safe there. There's no time left for me.” the man said, handing you a few playing cards. Two of hearts, 4 of clubs, 7 of spades, and 6 of diamonds. He ran away again but stopped when a red laser from the sky shot him dead middle. The traumatizing sight for both of you sent shivers down your spine.

The two of you found a building with electricity and entered, still wondering what ‘the Beach’ was or where it is. You saw a small group of people, all of them looking like they know each other.

“Hello,” You said weakly. “do you guys know where everyone went?”. They all looked at you with pity, a woman in sunglasses couldn't even bother.

“A child,” A young girl with dreadlocks approached you. “I’m Kuina, I didn't know a child could be transported into the borderlands. Did you just arrive?” You nodded in response. The conversation was interrupted by a speaker suddenly bursting at full volume, with water suddenly cascading around you.

GAME RESGESTRATION CLOSED. THERE ARE NINE PARTICIPANTS. THE GAME IS ABOUT TO COMMENCE. DIFFICULTY: 4 OF DIAMONDS. GAME: LIGHT BULB.

The speaker continued to explain the rules of the game set before you. The words went from one ear to the other with the panic you felt, yet you only understood that you just have to figure out which switch opened the bulb inside the smaller room in the setting. The water flowed in quicker, causing you to have to carry Hotaru.

“I have an idea.” you blurted shakily. “Since we can only try one switch while the door is open, lets test a random one now. If it doesn't turn on, let's close the door and open another one for a while, then we touch the bulb for heat to see if it is switched on or not. If it's hot, then the answer is the switch we just pulled. If it's cold, then the answer is the final remaining switch.” You explained in a hurry, wanting to get out of the drowning water around you.

The 7 other people executed the plan successfully, leaving all but one woman who touched the wire on her own alive. Hotaru clung to you for safety, being frightened by the sharp wires around him. Kuina helped both of you exit, and offered you a ride to a sanctuary together with the rest of the players.

In the car, the other players introduced themselves kindly, except for the woman in the sunglasses called ‘An’ by the players.

“My name is YN Niragi, it's a pleasure to meet you all,” You said, “Hotaru, introduce yourself to the others” you guided your son in a whisper. “Hello, I’m Hotaru Niragi, I'm happy to meet you all.” He said blankly, tired of everything he’s been through for the day.

“Niragi?” An questioned, looking at Tatta and Kuina with glances you aren't sure what the meanings are. “You must be married I assume? If so, what's your maiden name?” She followed, looking at the front mirror to see you.

“Yes, I am. My name used to be Chishiya, why do you ask?” You said, with your head still low. An glanced at the Kuina and Tatta who had frightened faces, and Arisu who remained confused and quiet. “Things are going to get juicy at the Beach.” she replied smugly.

You arrived at a resort still holding onto your son, the only family you seem to have left. Kuina stayed with you, bringing you to someone she said ‘you might want to meet’. The three of you walked to the back of the resort, overhearing party music and people shouting from the inside, Hotaru was about to fall asleep when you see someone in the distance. Your brother?

[threepointseven]

HIII LOVE YOUR POSTS:DD anyways can i request comfort fic with kaeya and childe x reader (separate) where reader is rlly smart and pretty, but they're extremely insecure bc of past bullying, so they always doubt themselves to point where they think they're worst and dont deserve them?? xoxo

When your insecure due to past bullying

🌺summary!🌺- your practically a local celebrity, your beauty and intelligence is no less than perfect but why cant you stop yourself from crying in front of that stupid mirror?

Type- scenario 🍄/ fic 🌻 (not proofread!)

Flowers included!🌼= kaeya x gn! Reader, childe x gn! Reader

Note🍀= HEY HEY WELL IM KINDA LAZY AND I HAD TO FORXE MYSELF THEOUGH THIS SO KAEYA IS KINDA OOC BUT WHATSVER ENJOYYY TY FOR LIKING MY WORK MWAH MWAH🥺

🥀Flower toxins!🥀- self-deprecation, mentions of family being mean, body shaming from a small group of people, bullying, violence(a tiny bit)

Genshin masterlist

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

Childe

A hoard of eyes was immediately glued to your frame as you walked through the fatui’s HQ, smiling awkwardly as you tried to find your boyfriend's office. The whispers chanting praise on how you moved, your hair, your body, they all went unnoticed as the fear of judgment crept its way into your mind. Are they looking at me? Is there something off about my outfit? Is it maybe cause I look bad? Ugly? Why are they staring? Your pace fastened as the worry kept growing and growing with each stare.

“Childe!” Your shaky voice slightly echoed through his office as you caught his attention with the jingles of your jewelry. “There you are! You took way too long!” In a singy song voice, he raced to you and pulled you into a playful hug while you sighed at the flashbacks of the spotlight on you at that moment. “The entire fatui HQ was staring at me.. is there something wrong with my outfit..?”

“Your outfit…? Pfft- of course not! God, you should listen to how much the agents talk about you, they’re all over you! It's like they forgot you’re the partner of the eleventh fatui harbinger or something” Maybe its the way he worded it, but those words soared into your mind with the idea that they were talking about you because you looked so terrible.

“Anyways…. Uhm Yun jin actually asked me to act in one of her operas this morning, I came her to tell you..” You nervously muttered out the news you had been waiting to tell your boyfriend, shame burned onto your throat as each and every inch of your being refused to think you're worthy of being in such an important show, “Seriously! Archons that's amazing baby!” The cheer and joy in his voice stung you even more before you looked into the long golden framed mirror in the office. “I-im declining.”

The statement seemed to surprise the man with auburn hair as he stood with a puzzled expression. “I mean… the opera is a big thing, id hate to ruin it with such unsightly looks. She probably asked me as a last resort anyways.. Im not exactly attractive or intelligent enough to act in an opera don’t you think…?” Each movement of your mouth swirled with self-deprecation as you traced each curve of your body with that consistent curse in your head shouting “You’re hideous, unworthy, stupid” and every insult in the book

Your mind flashed to your bullies in the past, they’d scream and curse at you, kick you onto the concrete with malice in their eyes as they pointed out each insecurity, and even led you to have more. You traced your hips, a section that had a scar due to the harassment, it was agonizing. Every day was just another day filled with the air filled with insults at your body. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was a genuine annoyance but to others, it was just another group of people jealous of someone better than them. “Hey hey, what makes you think that?! You are practically the most gorgeous person in the entire nation and half of Liyue is In love with you!” “Well… some people in the past…” You needn’t say no more as he already knew it was a couple of horrible bullies, most likely driven by envy. “They would scream and point my flaws out, and I guess I now realize that they’re right about them-“

“Do me a favor and never say anything like that again darling? A couple of annoyances that are jealous of you shouldn’t get to your head. There's always gonna be someone who resents you. But trust me this once and go act with Yun Jin in that opera..? Look away from the people insulting you for once and focus on the people that are screaming and shouting your name at how elegant and beautiful you look on that stage!” The man starts imitating operatic moves as he showers you in praise, it made your heart warmer than ever. “Your the most attractive most amazing person I’ve ever seen, your curves, your eyes, your arms, your hair, your thighs, your stomach, your personality, you as a person.. every inch of you is what keeps me smiling every day even as a horrible crude harbinger! So don’t bring your worth down like that alright?”

You hesitantly nodded as your eyes glossed, you were gonna show those jealous little immature kids that you were more than attractive and intelligent enough for an opera, for anything. And you bet your ass your little harbinger boyfriend was going to be watching you move in that opera the entire time with a loving smile on his face.

Kaeya

A gem you were, to others, you seemed no less than perfect. Each curve and each inch of skin on your body was flawless as if the archons themselves carved you with their bare hands. The saturation of your eyes to the color of your hair, it all complimented your appearance ever so perfectly. And your intelligence never betrayed your appearance, you were known in mondstat not only for looking so heavenly, but being incredibly intelligent too.

But the whispers and the praise failed to make you less insecure, as rather distasteful words from the past were drilled into your head. Even after weeks of having to deal with love letters, you can't help but stand in front of the mirror with an expression of disgust. You look at the outfit you were assigned to wear for a ball of Mondstat executives, some of the most well-known people in the nation. You being you, of course, you were invited to it, along with your boyfriend the infamous Calvary captain Kaeya.

“Another day of love letters I see? Your even more popular than me… I fear my own partner might be stolen away” He looks at the 3 envelopes with drawn-on pink hearts you accepted during the day. “Very funny, now go get ready the ball is in like an hour!”

You said it so confidently, your tone so sure you thought you looked gorgeous, yet when you looked into the mirror once more you could barely convince yourself you even look presentable! Maybe it was the hair? Was it too messy? Is it my chest? My stomach? My face? whatever it is, you just couldn’t build the confidence to think you look remotely attractive. Unknowing to you Kaeya was watching you as you stared with pure disappointment at your reflection. What could you even be seeing? The thought, the outfit was beautiful, elegant, everything about it screamed flawless, and with you wearing it? It brought hearts to his eyes.

Quickly taking notice of the insecurity that crept up on you he quickly slung his arms around your waist from behind, digging his head into your shoulder as he smiled. “Hmm? You're supposed to be getting ready this is super important you kno-!” Your thought was cut by the sudden squeeze of his arms on your waist followed by a giggle, “Why is it that your insecure sweetheart? You have the entirety of mondstat fawning over you?”

The silence was suffocating as your head flashed to moments where your family members would take no hesitation in poking at every insecurity, every imperfect piece of your body and mind. Maybe it was your stomach, maybe it was because you got a B in a test of yours, but each and every single flaw they found in you they would emphasize it to the point it would lead to nights of crying, days of studying so your test scores were painted in A+’s and gold stars.

All thee fights about your weight, your intelligence. Those words could never disappear from your mind. “Well, my dear kaeya- You should’ve seen what my parents said whenever they found something to insult me on..” You rolled your eyes, the playful tone in the sentence couldn't hide your eyes starting to brim with tears at the sudden flashback.

“You're perfect to me and to everyone in this nation Y/N, don’t let the mirror and your parents fool you. If anything theyre really just jealous of their kid looks 100 times better than them.” You chuckle at his sudden act of comfort before he turns your face towards him, looking at the stray tears. “Your a pretty crier but I hate knowing these tears are cause the mirror twists how you look at yourself so much.” You chuckle softly as he wipes you’re tears away with his thumb.

“Im sure this ball will let you realize how beautiful you are. And if that doesn’t work…I guess ill just have to break that mirror into millions of pieces and let you use me as a mirror.”

“Now how in the world would that work-“

“The point is, you’re more than smart enough and beautiful enough to go dancing around in that ball full of executives, you’re more than enough to be practically a celebrity in mondstat, And when you’re slow dancing with me, I promise you we’re gonna look 10 times sexier-“

[archies-litterbox]

of poison, forest floors, and terrified wizards

Summary: Out all alone on what was meant to be a simple errand, collecting herbs for Merlin, Douxie is downed when some pickpocket throws a fistful of black powder in his face - a magic surpressant and poison to wizards, he comes to find out the hard way. Unable to move or use his magic, as attempts to do both cause nothing but agony, the moppet has no choice but to rely on the slim hope of someone finding him before the poison overtakes him.

A/N: This is my first toa fic! I’ve spent the past year mostly just doing fic for witcher, so this is a nice change of pace :) I had fun with this! I thought about what would happen if there was some sort of substance in TOA that acted as a poison/magic surpressant to wizards... and ofc it turned into douxie whump (but it’s moppet!douxie which is even more painful :( ). Enjoyyy!

[CW: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Poisoning/Sickness, Temporary Paralysis, blood mention (but no bleeding)]

---

All Douxie had been sent out to do was collect some herbs for Merlin. It wasn’t even in the uncertain ground like the Wild Wood, but a patch of forest he’d been sent to fetch ingredients from countless times. It should have been a simple enough task for the moppet, which is why he hadn’t woken Archie from his afternoon nap - which he was taking on Douxie’s bed - to have his familiar accompany him. And truly, the task itself was simple; it didn’t take Douxie very long at all to go into the woods and find a patch of the plants Merlin told him to fetch - something about a potion ingredient, the apprentice vaguely recollected.

Indeed, he found it without any trouble, but when he felt a figure speed past his back and steal away the little pouch of herbs he’d collected before speeding off into the woods, that was when the trouble started.

The rational part of him (which said exactly what he’d reckoned Archie would be telling him right now) told him just to pick more, but it was overshadowed by how downright insulting this woodland pickpocket was! Before he’d been taken in by Merlin, conning and using slight-of-hand to his advantage was one of his only means of survival, so to not only be stolen from, but in a way so lacking in cunning? The audacity!

It was the principal of the matter that sent him running after the thief, darting this way and that until he was lost in the thick of the woods, focused only on tailing the pickpocket.

“Hey! Stop!” Douxie panted, “You’re stealing from a master wizard!”

That didn’t seem to entice the thief to stop.

“Well… his apprentice, anyway!” he added for reasons unsure to even himself. Maybe honesty would help?

Well, thanks to his trusty, gangly legs, he caught up to the thief and got close enough to grab their wrist, and he thought it would be smooth sailing after that.

Yeah! Alright! I’ll just get my herbs back and deal with this thief and -

The thief turned around and threw a handful of black powder in his face.

Fuzzbuckets.

Douxie squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he felt them sting, coughing into his elbow to hack up the charcoal tasting powder that flew into his mouth and nose. That little trick stopped him in his tracks, but he wasn’t deterred. Not mentally. He still wanted to try to catch up… 

...but his legs wouldn’t move.

No matter how badly he wanted - demanded his legs to obey him, they remained tense, frozen in that position of one in front of the other.

What?

One terrifying moment later, they did move. But not into the sprint he wanted to take - no, to do something worse: to buckle underneath him and send him falling onto his side against the forest floor. 

And he couldn’t get up.

No matter how much he willed his body to do it, he couldn’t get up.

It was like when he’d have nightmares and he’d realize he was having a nightmare; it took forcing his body to toss and turn and shift from side to side as much as he could to rouse him back to the realm of the fully conscious.

But he couldn’t even do that. He couldn’t rouse himself from this nightmare because he couldn’t push himself up.

Wait.

No.

He couldn’t move.

Nearing complete panic, he internally begged and pleaded to find some sort of mobility, but his limbs grew numb by the second, and wherever he still had feeling, it ached - utterly, reprehensibly ached. Not only that, but it was cold. So, so cold, despite the warm atmosphere of the summer afternoon that hung around him so tauntingly.

He’d never felt more scared in his life. Not even being threatened at swordpoint by Sir Galahad and his men, knowing that he’d be killed for something like a measly alley trick, was as terrifying as this - not even that made his blood run cold (literally, it felt like, as well as figuratively) like this did.

And he was sure that was clear to the thief he’d tried to catch. They stood over him, and he couldn’t see their face from where his head lay on the ground, cheek against the grass, but with his glassy, wide eyes flickering between straining to look at his poisoner - because that’s what this was, a poison -  and darting around wherever they could look without him moving his head - because he couldn’t even do that - as black strands of hair lay loose on his cheek because he couldn’t lift a hand to move them, he was sure looked every bit as terrified as he felt.

The thief laughed. Laughed.

“A master wizard’s apprentice, eh?” they spoke, their voice dripping with mock fascination that made Douxie wish that someone, anyone would come to help him, “And your great master never told you to pick your battles? He must not have, if you felt so inclined as to chase me all through the woods for a plant you could have just picked a little more of. It was right in front of you, after all.”

The realization which dawned on Douxie would have made his blood run cold if it didn’t feel like it already was. They’d pickpocketed him because they counted on him pursuing them, even to the point of ending up in the thick of the woods, far away from where Merlin or Archie expected him to be - far away from where they’d know to look for him.

Douxie finally tried to shout for help, but his throat was just as tense - as frozen as the rest of his muscles, and his jaw was too tight to open as much as he’d need to scream. All he could do was gasp and force shuddering breaths in and out of his lungs, which was still a trying ordeal - too trying for something like breathing to have been.

“Trying to scream? Really?” the poisoner-thief asked as if it was an absurd thing to do in the moppet’s position (which it wasn’t), “Next thing you know, you’ll try mustering a spell.”

Against his better judgement, for trying a spell couldn’t have been a good idea if his own assailant was suggesting it, he tried to force a little magic to his fingertips.

It burned. Oh, sweet heart of Avalon, it burned. His hand hadn’t even hurt this badly after he’d botched a lightning spell and scarred his wrist in the process.

Douxie wheezed at the sensation, and the thief laughed again.

“Oh, this is rich!” they exclaimed, “this has already paralyzed you hand and foot, and you thought some conjuring would help? What do you think this was made to diminish, Apprentice of Ambrosius?

Douxie couldn’t even think of a swear worthy of this (“fuzzbuckets” was too tame), his mind still flooded with fear and his hand still aching from his botched magic attempt. How had they already known he was Merlin’s apprentice? Sure, he’d mentioned being an apprentice to a master wizard, but he wasn’t that specific.

But he wasn’t worried about that as much as what this implied about his magic, and what this - whatever it had been - was doing to it.

“This,” His assailant bent down and held up their fingertips to his face, showing him the black powder on them. “Seeps away your magic. Or poisons it, or diminishes it, or eats away at it - I’m not a poet, and apt synonyms aren’t my strong suit.”

They stood back up all the way, and Douxie wanted to plead, but the words wouldn’t come out. They wouldn’t even form. This - he couldn’t lose his magic. Not on something as measly as an herb collection.

“All of this-”

They gestured to his paralyzed, twitching form.

“Is just a side effect. A byproduct of attacking your magic.”

Douxie tried curling his hand into a fist. Not only were his muscles so weak that he could only curl his fingers for a second in what looked more like a spasm than a conscious movement, but grabbing the wrong end of a knife would have hurt less.

The powder-tosser winced mock-sympathetically.

“Shame, really. I hoped the master wizard you served could be the one to deal with this.”

For a moment, in his agony, he wished he was. Douxie squandered the thought as quickly as it came up, hating himself for conceiving it. He couldn’t wish this on anyone, least of all the wizard who saved him, who plucked him off the streets.

But why couldn’t he save him now?

“Ah, well.” They reached down to Douxie’s face and put a strand of hair behind his ear.

Douxie wanted to cry.

“S’pose you’ll do. It’ll be a kick in the teeth for him anyway, when you don’t come back from your little errand after hours and hours, and by the time they send out a search party…”

The smugness and certainty in their tone made Douxie whimper, the first vocal noise he’d been able to make in all of this, after naught but wheezing and gasping. Where was he going to get dragged off to? The Wild Wood? Were they in league with trolls, hoping to get an edge on King Arthur? Or were they a bandit, hoping to take all his goods off of him (which weren’t much, unless they counted the black cat fur on his vest) and keep him in some rackety shack until a ransom note made its way to Merlin?

(Would he even pay it, considering Douxie’s incompetence?)

“Well, they’ll find you right here, I’m sure, but…”

Douxie could hear them mock-wince again, and their implication was worse than anything he’d assumed in the moments before. He couldn’t hear the rest of their sentence over his own panic that, combined with the poison, made his head swim.

He wasn’t going to be taken anywhere.

He was going to be left here, to - to - to - 

His panic pushed him to try his magic again on impulse alone, and it felt like both his hands were on fire. His throat, as tight as it was, finally let him groan through his teeth.

“An exercise in futility, little wizard.” his attacker taunted, “In fact…”

They took his bracelet - only three fingers wide at this point in his training - right off his wrist, which made him squeak as he tried, tried, tried to shake his head, and threw it into a bush in what was both further assurance of his powerlessness and an insult to injury.

“I would say you should try to get comfortable…” 

They stood up and took a few steps back, leaving the little field of vision Douxie had from where his head lay on the ground.

“...But I suppose that would be another exercise in futility.”

He heard the poisoner-thief run off, their footfalls fading as the pounding of his racing heart, which drummed against his ears in sync with their steps, drowned out the noise until they were out of earshot.

He was alone.

He couldn’t move, some poison was seeping away his magic - his very lifeforce - and tensed his body up so rigidly that he couldn’t even scream, and he was alone.

If he could’ve, he would have curled up into a ball as small as he could make himself in hopes that the dangers of the woods and the dire circumstances of his situation would pass him by.

If he could’ve, he would have screamed, even though he knew he was far away from the earshot of anyone who might have come looking for him by that patch of herbs where he said he’d go, and he knew that Archie, who could have tracked his scent here, was still sleeping because, in his arrogance, he hadn’t thought to wake him.

If he could’ve, he would have dragged himself to his gauntlet, wherever it had been thrown, because even if it wouldn’t have done anything to get him out of this, at least he wouldn’t have felt so helpless, even though helpless was exactly what he was.

But he couldn’t.

All he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and feel his tears run down the bridge of his nose as his lips contorted into a grimace, the only two things he could do with his body where the movement itself didn’t outweigh how badly he wanted - needed to do it.

All he could hope for, against hope itself, was that he’d be found here.

Before all that could be found was his body.

---

He wished he could just sleep.

The grassy ground underneath him was soft enough, and his position on his side could have been comfortable enough. Maybe it would have helped pass the time until the poison ran its course, whatever that entailed.

But whatever this was, it didn’t even grant him that luxury. Whether it was an effect of the poison or a product of his own adrenaline and terror, Douxie was wide awake.

Not only that, but after what might have been an hour or two (judging by the sunlight’s reflection off the dewey grass), his body would periodically twitch because of the poison. Sometimes his leg would kick out like a dog, or his shoulder would seize up to the point where it touched his ear, or his hand would ball into a fist.

But his poisoned body didn’t care which of his movements were voluntary or otherwise - it stung all the same. Not like the horrific burning that came with his attempts at magic, but a grating, awful ache right down to his bones. The spontaneous twitches never let him even come close to unconsciousness, and maybe that was a good thing - every breath was more or less of a laborious gasp, a conscious effort of his, and if he’d lost consciousness and stopped forcing them in and out of his lungs… he didn’t want to imagine it.

He wished his panic would quiet enough for him to get bored laying here - he would have preferred it to this, and it would have made sense, considering that he was stuck staring at the same blades of grass and patch of trees that he’d been staring at for the past hour.

And they weren’t even particularly interesting trees or blades of grass, not that they would have distracted him very well if they were.

He wondered if anyone had started looking for him by now. Maybe Merlin was growing impatient without the ingredients he asked for, and maybe Morgana had started to wonder why “Little Douxie” hadn’t come back to the castle.

He wondered if Archie had woken up from his nap and noticed Douxie’s absence yet. If anyone could insist that someone go out and search for him, it would be his familiar. He didn’t want to delude himself by thinking it would help though.

He wondered the importance of those herbs he was collecting before. Were they really that important to whatever Merlin had been working on? Were they worth chasing that thief down? Were they worth all of this?

He was pulled from his thoughts when a shadow cast over the grass he’d been staring at - the shadow of a creature flying overhead and hovering above him.

If he could’ve curled into himself, just to look as small as possible, he would have. What if it was a vulture, waiting to scavenge him? What if it was a monster, or a winged troll, here to carry him off to some trollish nest in the Wild Wood? None of the thoughts that came to mind were soothing by any means. As the creature swooped down, all Douxie could do was squeeze his eyes shut and hope he wouldn’t be harmed any further.

Even when the figure landed in front of him and stepped closer and closer, he didn’t look at it. It wasn’t until he could feel it’s breath on his face, one of the only sensations of the past few hours that didn’t hurt, that he opened his eyes.

A face of black fur greeted him.

And yellow eyes.

And a round pair of glasses.

Archie!

He couldn’t even say the word, but a sob escaped his throat - a sob of relief? A sob of terror that this might have been the start of an onslaught of hallucinations, the first of which being a sign of rescue? He wasn’t sure. Either way, all he wanted to do was reach up and pet the cat-dragon familiar, or hug him and not let go, but he couldn’t. His arm felt like it weighed half a ton, just like the rest of his limbs.

So, he sobbed. It was all he could do.

“Douxie!” Archie cried.

Merlin’s apprentice could hear the worry in his voice as he stepped back a few paces, his ears back and his wings to his side. Of course, he’d shifted into his dragon form - he must have been able to track Douxie’s scent like that. But Douxie hated the thought of his familiar being in danger because he’d flown here. He was already suspicious enough as a black cat, since they carried the notion of being bad omens. What if he’d gotten taken down? He wasn’t worth that!

Douxie was too relieved - yes, he chose relief, not terror, because that’s all he could afford - to think about all of that though.

“Douxie, I’ve been looking for you! What’s happened to you?” Archie asked, “Merlin expected you back hours ago!”

The first thing that came to mind, despite everything, was an apology for his absence - an apology he couldn’t even say. He couldn’t even say what happened to him, not like -

A spasm cut off from his speeding, scrambled thoughts - a large one in his left arm (his right was still mostly underneath him) that reached all the way from his fingertips to his shoulderblade, forcing his hand to ball into a fist, his arm to fold so tightly that his fist touched his shoulder, and his shoulder to tighten so much that his shoulder pressed to his ear.

The sound of agony ripped from his throat was the closest to a scream he’d gotten yet.

Archie looked horrified, and Douxie could only imagine what the sight of him was like - black strands loose from his bun strewn over his face, his eyes puffy and tear-ringed, his lips contorted in a pained grimace. He imagined he looked as pitiful and helpless as he felt.

(In fact, he didn’t have to imagine it. He could faintly see his reflection in the lenses of Archie’s glasses, and he was right in what he pictured, save for the addition of smudges and speckles of that powder still on his face, the black splotches of dust contrasting his color-drained skin, pale as death.)

His arm relaxed again after a few agonizing moments, letting his hand fall in front of his face and leaving a throbbing ache down to his bones, and Douxie tried to collect himself. He had to tell Archie what was wrong. He had to try. If Archie knew, he could fix it. He could get Merlin to fix it. Right? Right.

“P-” he started, trying his absolute best to form words despite the constriction in his throat and lungs that barely let him breathe at all, “puh- poi-”

His own wheezing cough cut him off.

“Poison?” Archie asked, getting it right much to the little relief that Douxie could manage. He nodded - at least, as close to the motion as he could accomplish - and tried to hum a “mhm” of affirmation, since trying to talk hadn’t exactly worked. Far from it.

Archie stepped forward and sniffed his face. He immediately recoiled, his big eyes widening, and Douxie was proven wrong for thinking he couldn’t be more terrified.

“Oh, dear.” His eyes glanced to what must have been a few more clumps and speckles of dust on the ground, “Ohhh, not good. Not good at all.”

No. Archie couldn’t be scared. If Archie was scared for him, then this was so, so much worse than he thought. How could it possibly be worse?

Douxie squeaked out a whimper in fear, and Archie’s attention snapped back to him (as if it could have been anywhere else).

“Douxie, don’t worry.” he said, “You’ll be alright.”

Archie was never a good liar, much to Douxie’s dismay. If Archie was going to hide the truth to soothe him, he at least would’ve liked it to work. His immediately telling Douxie not to worry had the opposite effect of what was intended; it showed him his worry - his terror - was entirely warranted, which was the exact thing he didn’t want to know. Even if all he said was “You’ll be alright.”, the fear that seemed to bristle through his fur was indication enough of the contrary.

Archie’s eyebrows, indicated by the grey patches in the fur above his eyes, upturned as if in dread.

“...But I need to go.”

NO!

If Douxie could have screamed the word and reached out to hold Archie, he would have done it right at that moment, but all he could do was whine like a kicked puppy, his eyebrows raising as his head shook - an unconscious movement, minute despite his desperation.

“Douxie, Douxie, listen.” Archie said, softening his voice, “I can’t carry you back to the castle. I wouldn't be able to fly carrying you anyway, but especially not with your-”

Archie got cut off by another one of Douxie’s spasms - this one made his left leg curl up so tight that his thigh touched his torso, causing the apprentice to nearly involuntarily hit Archie with his knee, which the cat-dragon barely dodged.

“-that." Archie said, "Not with that.”

Douxie saw the sense in that, despite his panic. He did, he did, he did.

But - 

He sobbed again.

-But he didn’t want to be alone.

Sweet heart of Avalon, he didn’t want to be alone. 

The worst of his pain and terror wasn’t from the paralysis, or the aching, or the random twitches, or the burning that came from trying to use his magic, or even the tightness in his throat and lungs that robbed him of speaking or even screaming; it came from being alone in this - from wondering if anyone would come for him, or find his body; it came from knowing that there was nothing he could do but lay there, at the mercy of nature, the poison wracking his body with every beat of his heart, and the determination (or lack thereof) of someone else to find him.

And when he opened his eyes to find Archie there, all of that went away - all of that fear that told him he’d die alone here. He didn’t want it to come back. He would’ve rather the poison take him right now.

“I just need to go back to the castle and bring Merlin here. He’ll know what to do.”

Archie put his paw in Douxie’s limp, open palm. All Douxie wanted to do was hold it, and he so desperately hoped the next twitch would be in his hand so he could.

“I won’t be long. I promise.”

But what if it was too long, even if he hurried?

What if Merlin was too late, even if he hurried?

What if it took too long to convince his master to come here? Would the fact that he’d been poisoned and needed help be enough, or would Merlin refuse because it served Douxie right for his insolence?

(No, no, he wouldn’t do that. Merlin said that mastery over magic was mastery over life, and he had to learn how to live. He couldn’t learn to live if he died here in the woods.)

What if… 

What if this killed him before Archie came back?

...No.

It wasn’t the same this time. Douxie wasn’t lost here, hoping against hope that someone would find him. This was hope - someone knew where he was, and help would come. He could handle a little bit more fear for that hope, he knew.

So, fighting the grating, awful ache in his bones, Douxie closed his hand around Archie’s paw and put on as brave a face he found himself able to muster, nodding as much as he could while causing as little pain to himself as possible.

He didn’t trust much in this - not even his own body to keep fighting the poison - but he trusted Archie, and he trusted his promise.

His familiar gently pulled his paw away before slipping it under the side of Douxie’s head, lifting it a little off the ground. The little apprentice was confused for a moment, until Archie reached behind Douxie’s head with his mouth. He could hear the sounds of the woods stifle as fabric came over his ears, warding off the now-coolness of the woodsy air around his head as Archie pulled the hood of his vest over his head and gingerly laid it back down.

Ah, he got it now - it was a little comfort, a little shelter from the world.

And of course he took it, hoping his eyes conveyed his gratitude.

He kept up his brave front as Archie turned away from him, something Douxie could tell he’d done reluctantly, and flew off. It wasn’t until he couldn’t see his familiar anymore - until the sight of the cat-dragon vanished behind the treetops - that he let it fall and shatter.

He just had to keep waiting. That’s all he had to do - wait and trust Archie to come back with Merlin. He knew that.

But he could still feel new tears come down his face.

---

Douxie wished he could see the sunset from where he lay. It would have been beautiful, he knew.

The spasms subsided a little while after Archie flew back, leaving Douxie limp on the ground - still unable to move without hurting himself or try to use his magic without thrusting himself into agony - with a lingering pins-and-needles sensation in his hands and feet that felt like it was crawling up from his ankles and wrists.

(Honestly, Douxie still wasn’t sure if the spasms had truly subsided for good, or if this was just a rather long interval between them. He hoped it was the former. The spasms never hurt any less as they went on, and he was so, so tired of the pain.)

Archie still hadn’t come back with Merlin yet, obviously, and at this point, it seemed like Douxie was fighting off his doubt more than the poison. At least he knew what the poison was doing to him - he could feel it every waking moment. But Archie… Douxie didn’t know what had happened to him, and he wouldn’t unless he came back.

(No, until he came back. Douxie had to keep that certainty alive in his mind.)

But how was he supposed to know that his familiar hadn’t taken a tumble? That he hadn’t been brought down by some witch hunter’s net? What if Merlin was being stubborn about coming for him? What if he’d been busy in another row with King Arthur?

...Indeed, he would have loved to see the sunset - to at least try to let it distract him from the tornado of worst case scenarios in his mind.

But he couldn’t.

For a bit, he tried distracting himself by thinking about how Merlin might’ve reacted to him being in danger - to hearing that he’d been poisoned. He sort of liked imagining how scared he’d be, for he preferred fear to indifference. The mental image of his master dropping whatever book he’d been flipping through and rushing to follow Archie… it was a comforting one, as strange as it might sound. That fear meant he mattered.

But Douxie soon grew tired even of that. He hoped he might’ve ran into a patch frequented by fireflies. Those would at least come low enough to dip into his line of sight, and they were always so beautiful, like stars visiting earth for a night before going back to the sky…

Douxie grew cold again at some point. Not just cold, but damp. Since it hadn’t started raining, fortunately, he rightly assumed that it was sweat. Perhaps he was finally sweating this out, like a fever, but that was too good, too fortunate to figure. This was another progression of the poison, he was sure. Just like…

Douxie noticed something in his left hand that lay in front of his face, something wrong…

Oh, sweet heart of Avalon.

His veins were black. 

Hoping, begging, praying to be wrong, he pushed through that dreadful ache in his arm so he could pull it closer, but it only confirmed his suspicions - his dread - his terrors.

The veins in his wrist, in the creases of his knuckles - they weren’t deep blue anymore, just barely visible underneath his skin, but as black as that powder that got blown in his face. Ink could be coursing through them right now, and he’d have been none the wiser.

In that moment, Douxie was proven wrong once again for thinking he couldn’t be more terrified.

He gasped as much as his throat and lungs let him, and he didn’t stop gasping. But then his chest -

No no NO!

-his chest started to seize up.

He fought the growing tightness in his chest with every breath, forcing each one in and out like a wheeze, but it wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t tell if it was from poison or panic, but it wouldn’t go away. He’d even started coughing, which was inevitable, but the black splotch that splattered into his hand terrified him all the more.

This was it. He was going to die here. He was going to succumb to this. He’d never come back to the castle - to Archie, to Morgana, to Merlin - from a trivial herb picking. Archie would come back here, but all he’d find was - was - was -

“HISIRDOUX!”

Douxie burst into tears.

He could recognize the voice of his master - his father - anywhere, but he was so, so scared that it was a hallucination. The fear in his voice already sounded so foreign, coming from the great and powerful Merlin Ambrosius, and if the sound of his voice and his footsteps coming near him came only from his desperate imagination, then he’d - he’d -

A hand gripped his shoulder and turned him onto his back. Finally, he could look up at the sky, aglow with sunset, but his glassy eyes only saw Merlin kneeling down at his side, and Archie flying above him.

The terror in Merlin’s eyes was the exact opposite of comforting, but Douxie didn’t get to see it for long before Merlin conjured a damp cloth and wiped off his face what had to have been the rest of that poisonous powder. He hadn’t realized how flushed he’d been until that moment, when that rag felt so cold against his cheeks.

Merlin finished wiping off Douxie’s face and made the cloth disappear. Douxie missed the coolness on his face. He wanted it back.

“Hisirdoux, say something!” he demanded. But Douxie couldn’t - didn’t Merlin think he would’ve already been screaming his lungs out if he could?

“D-” he choked, “Da-”

He hacked up another throatful of black phlegm, whimpering as the violence of his cough made his torso curl up. Merlin dodged the cough, but put an arm under Douxie’s back before he could fall back.

An apology lay at the back of his throat - one he didn’t know the reason for, even if he could’ve said it.

Merlin brought his other arm behind Douxie’s knees and lifted him like he weighed nothing (and he probably didn’t weigh much to Merlin, being the gangly moppet he was). The edges of the plating of the master wizard’s armor dug against him uncomfortably, but it was the least discomforting thing about this, overshadowed near-completely by the comfort that came just by being held. But he was still scared - if more of that powder was on him, and Merlin touched it by holding him, then -

He stifled a cough, and his leg kicked out unconsciously like a thumping rabbit’s foot. He didn’t realize how badly he’d been tremoring until it was contrasted with the steadiness of Merlin holding him.

Yes… steadiness, safety - two things he’d wanted to cling to more than anything since all this had started. And now, he had them. He had his familiar, and he had his father.

His head, still covered with the hood of his vest, lolled back uncomfortably without any support, but he felt something soft push against the back of it- it was actually Archie, though Douxie couldn’t see it - until the side of his head lay against one of the shoulderpieces of Merlin’s armor, cushioned by the cloth of his hood.

He sighed as much as his tightened chest would allow.

He was so scared.

Douxie was still so, so terrified that Merlin couldn’t save him after all; that he’d die tonight; that he’d never use his magic again; that he’d never get to become a master wizard or get his own staff to wield; that he’d never again get to go back down to the marketplace and talk to that pretty girl who frequented the shops.

(What was her name? Zelda? Zona? Zola? Zo-)

He felt something warm settle on his abdomen - Archie had turned back into a cat and curled up on his tummy, purring as he nestled where Douxie’s legs curled.

At least, despite everything else he feared, he didn’t have to be terrified of being alone anymore.

---

Douxie wasn’t sure if Merlin used a portal, or the relief of being found by his master had finally let him lull out of consciousness for the length of the time it took to be carried back, but the next thing he knew, he was in Merlin’s study. Despite the fluttering of his eyelids, he could recognize the shelves, the desk, and the stained glass window letting in the last light of day.

Home.

He was home.

No matter what happened next, he was home.

“Douxie!” He could hear Morgana’s voice shouting his name in worry, followed immediately by her fast-approaching footsteps.

“Mmh…” Douxie whimpered. It wasn’t clear whether or not the noise was just a pained whine or an attempt to try saying her name - not even to Douxie himself. He couldn’t see her very well, but he could tell when she’d come to them, stepping to the side as Merlin walked forward to his desk.

“Is he alive?” she asked.

“Somehow, yes.” Merlin answered. Douxie hated that “somehow” and the fear it brought, but it was just a little more to add to the onslaught of the past hours. He could just add it to the pile, he supposed.

In the middle of the room, Merlin’s big desk was empty, so the wizard laid him down on the surface, having him lay flat on his back with his hands at his sides, his legs straightened out, and his head facing up. Now, he could fully see Morgana, the sorceress he’d come to see as something of a big sister just as he came to see Merlin as a father, looking down at him. Her face was upside-down from where she stood over him, but he could still see her upturned brows and glistening eyes, and the way she clasped her hands close to her chest so they didn’t even touch him. He hated that look of worry on her face. Seeing Morgana - always fearless, always grasping for more from the world than what others had permitted, always steadfast in her ruthless ambition - look so scared for him… 

...It was worse, if such a thing was possible, than when he saw how scared Merlin was for him, and there was so much he wanted to say, but he was still just focused on trying to breathe as deeply as he could.

Archie got off his abdomen and sat next to his head, gently headbutting his temple before putting a paw on his forehead. It was a little comforting, almost enough to distract Douxie from realizing that Merlin wasn’t at his side anymore.

Almost, though. Not enough.

Douxie tried turning his head to the side, but Archie gently kept it still with his paw.

“He’s just finding a spellbook, Douxie.” he assured, immediately knowing what the apprentice was trying to turn his head for, “He’ll be right back.”

Morgana looked down on the little scene and closed her eyes for a moment, as if to quell her tears, before opening them again.

“You shouldn’t have held him.” she warned, turning her head to wherever Merlin stood now, “You know what that can-”

“I’m well aware.” Merlin interrupted from wherever he still was, “And you know I’ve little concern for that.”

Douxie didn’t understand. There was still so little he understood about whatever was doing this to him, and he didn’t know how to ask about it - he couldn’t.

But apparently, his upturned brows and whimpers of confusion were enough to indicate - at least to Archie - how lost he was.

“Douxie, that powder - it’s called Draining Dust.” Archie explained, “It’s a magic suppressant, and… a poison, as you know by now.”

“Witch hunters would put this in shackles.” Morgana said, finally speaking to him, “To nullify wizards’ and witches’ magic on their way to the gallows. Or the stakes.”

“Trace amounts, yes.” Merlin came back into his view, an open spellbook floating near him with a signature green aura around it, “Pinches of it, cast in the metal. It would suppress the wearer’s magic as long as it was on their body, with a few side effects. Fatigue, headaches, nausea…” he started listing as he flipped through the pages.

Douxie remembered the handful of the stuff that had been thrown in his face. That was far from a few pinches. And those side effects he’d started listing - they sounded tame, menial compared to what was happening to him now.

“But direct contact with raw powder…” Archie started. Douxie knew he was hesitant to finish that sentence, and it wasn’t hard to assume why (but it was terrifying).

“It’s deadly.” Morgana said, “Few wizards have ever survived inhaling or digesting it. More sadistic witchfinders have used that to-”

“Morgana!” Merlin snapped, urging her to leave off. But she didn’t.

“He should know!” she snapped back, “It’s already in his bloodstream, old man. It’s killing him, and he deserves to-”

Douxie started crying again at Morgana’s brutal honesty, as if this all weren’t brutal enough. His eyes squeezed shut as tears streamed down his temples, but when he opened them again, it was darker, like he was looking through a veil. The sight made him want to cry even harder.

It was in his tears.

Oh, sweet heart of Avalon, the poison was in his tears.

It made sense now, why Morgana was so scared to touch him. His own body fluids - his blood, his tears, probably his sweat soon enough - were turning poisonous from this. The only reason Archie was still touching him was probably because he wasn’t a wizard, but a familiar, and this wouldn’t affect him so badly.

(It actually very well could have affected Archie for the worse, but watching Douxie endure this without any comfort would have been worse than any poison.)

“It’s not killing him.” Merlin denied as if he was trying to convince both Morgana and himself, “His death is not certain. If it were, I would have already placed a sleeping spell on him by now.”

Douxie clung to that little hope and tried to watch Merlin scan for the spell he’d been looking for. Merlin had a way to fix this, of course he did; it’s as he said - he would have already put Douxie to sleep to grant him some peace if he didn’t.

Douxie watched his master’s page flipping stall as his eyes scanned over one particular page. His face fell - a minute, near-unnoticeable change in expression, but one that made Douxie’s pounding heart sink.

“Merlin?” Archie asked, “Have you found something?”

Merlin said nothing at first, only taking his place by stepping right to the table’s edge, coming right to Douxie’s side.

“I’ve found a spell to expel the poison and it’s remnants,” he explained, still only scanning the book, “But purging it from his body when it’s progressed this far will be…”

His eyes fell on Douxie’s.

“...quite excruciating.”

But Douxie was already so, so tired.

Not physically - the combined force of the poison and his own adrenaline warded off any chance of fatigue - but in his heart. He was so tired of being scared. Of being in so much pain. He didn’t want to do it - he didn’t think he could…

...But he remembered something Merlin said to him before.

“If there is a universal truth in this world, it is that struggle is the flame which forges one’s soul into steel.”

Well, if there was something tougher than steel, that’s what his soul would become.

Because wizards were strong. Brave. Unrelenting to pain or fear. That’s how Merlin was, that’s how Morgana was, and that’s how he would be.

He put on a brave face - as brave as he could possibly muster in the face of what he’d endure - and nodded. He could do this. He had to do this.

And he would.

The green aura around the spellbook faded as Merlin set it down. Archie lifted his paw from Douxie’s head and stepped back a few paces.

“Morgana, keep him still.” Merlin said, “His thrashing may cause him to injure himself.”

Morgana nodded and brought her hands up, an unsaid apology in her eyes. Seconds later, Douxie felt warm, gentle heat around his wrists and ankles. It didn’t hurt, but it was unrelenting. He didn’t test the bonds, lacking the strength or any actual will to do so. Still under a sort of paralysis, he wasn’t scared of being pinned down, for he knew it was just a precaution; he was just scared of how bad the pain would be in order for restraining him like this to be necessary.

The precaution was far from unwarranted, he came to realize in the coming moments.

Merlin hovered one hand over Douxie’s chest and the other over his abdomen. Douxie watched him say some incantation, but he didn’t catch the words. He was too busy bracing himself for the pain as he saw the green aura of his master’s magic out of the corner of his eye, glowing above his torso.

Before Merlin even got to take a breath after the incantation, the pain started.

And no amount of bracing could have prepared Douxie enough.

The sudden agony in his torso ripped the breath from his lungs. He thought - hoped it would start small and get worse and worse, like a simmer that got hotter and hotter, but instead it was like a pot of scalding water got poured over his chest. No, even that would have hurt less. This… it started at the surface, but it bled deeper and deeper under his skin, and then -

Oh, sweet heart of Avalon.

-then it started to spread.

In moments, as if searing agony itself coursed through his veins, there was nowhere on his body that didn’t burn, not even his fingertips or the tip of his pinky toes. If he could feel it, it hurt, and it hurt unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

As the agony overrode his paralysis, he thrashed against Morgana’s magic that kept his wrists and ankles in place, arching his back one moment and curling forward the next.

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to try to open his eyes. It hurt to keep them squeezed shut. It hurt to try to hear the voices of those around him - Morgana trying to tell him to be strong, Archie trying to soothe him, Merlin repeating the incantation. It hurt even to think - the pain, blinding and deafening, flooded out all other thoughts.

For a moment, like a fire burning so hot it feels cold for a fleeting beat, he stopped feeling the searing, searing agony.

But the moment was too, too fleeting before it wracked him again.

Finally, finally, he screamed.

It was a raw, shrill, agonized thing. He felt it come up from the base of his throat, and when Douxie realized, through his hysteria, that he was actually screaming, not wheezing or whimpering or anything he’d had to settle for tonight, he couldn’t stop. He screamed for all the torture of the day, all the fear of being alone, all the panic and terror and despair that he couldn’t let out in the woods, tense and spasming and paralyzed. 

All the screams that couldn’t come out before, when his throat was so tight that it barely let him breathe, came out right now, bursting at the seams of his pain-delirious mind.

He didn’t stop screaming until he finally felt Merlin’s magic let off.

Even then, his screams settled only into groans and wails until the burning across his body finally cooled; until the pain weakened from a searing sensation all over him, like the most brazen of fires, to a low ache, like the embers of a dying camp flame.

Once he fully stilled, which took a few more moments, Morgana’s magic came off his wrists and ankles.

Finally, he came back to his senses and see Merlin, Morgana, and Archie still around him. Archie looked relieved and nuzzled the side of Douxie’s head. Morgana smiled a shaky, hesitant smile - still so foreign to see from her.

And Merlin…

Well, he seemed as difficult to read as usual, but at least he no longer had the expression on his face of a man watching his apprentice die. Traces of relief lay there, and Douxie gladly took them.

So… was it over?

Douxie groaned and lifted his arm. It didn’t hurt to do anymore - well, it did, but more like a soreness left in the wake of heavy lifting, a residue of what happened than a symptom of it. He brought it up to his face so he could see his wrist.

His veins were blue again.

Sighing, he let his hand fall on his face and wiped away some tears - lifting it to see they were purely clear, like before - before letting it slide off his cheek and fall limp next to his head.

“Master…” his voice was so little, so hoarse, “‘s it gone?”

“Every bit, Hisirdoux.” Merlin said, putting his hand on Douxie’s shoulder, “It's over.”

He sounded weary. Douxie hoped that spell didn't take too much from him.

“Mm… my magic… 's it gone too?”

Merlin’s eyes said he wasn’t sure himself.

Douxie sought to answer the question on his own and willed forth his magic. He felt his fingertips thrum with the life of his sorcery. Lifting his hand again, he saw little specks of light, blue and true. It didn’t burn anymore, but it felt warm and gentle, like a heartbeat. His heartbeat. Exactly as it always felt.

He sighed. Not shaky, not fighting to keep his breathing level - a tired, relieved sigh. Despite how sore even the muscles in his face felt, he smiled a little smile.

“Thank you…” he said, “If you all hadn’t… I’d be-”

Merlin moved his hand from Douxie’s shoulder to his forehead.

“Don’t pay that scenario any mind, Hisirdoux.” Merlin urged, “You’ve survived, and although you and your magic have been weakened, both will fully recover.”

Douxie’s little smile fell.

“Wha… what about the poison? It couldn’t just be gone.”

“That it can.” Merlin assured, taking his hand off Douxie’s head, “As brutal as it is to the wizard affected, an unaffected wizard with strong magic can eradicate it from their body and return it to it’s untarnished condition.”

...Well, that was that, and Douxie wouldn’t question it. Besides, he remembered something.

“Mmmy bracelet… I lost it. That - they took it off. It’s in a bush out there.”

“I can see that. That’s alright.” Merlin said, “It can be retrieved.”

“And… and I'm sorry.” He said to Merlin’s subtle but obvious surprise, indicated by a little raise in his eyebrows.

“What for?”

“I… the herbs.” he answered, “I couldn’t bring them back. They got stolen.”

“It’s alright,” Merlin said, “They aren’t a rarity, you know.”

...Douxie sniffled.

“That… they only snatched those plants so I’d follow them deeper into the woods. So I’d get lost. So they could throw that dust in my face and - and leave me there, knowing I’d gone further into the forest than… than anyone would’ve looked, and I wouldn’t be found.” 

“But you were found, Douxie.” Archie said, “They weren’t counting on you having a dragon that could track scents for a familiar.”

Douxie’s voice started to break.

“I should have left it alone - I knew I should have left it alone. There was more right there, I should’ve-”

“Hisirdoux, cease this.” Merlin said in a tone that left no room for insistence, “You must grant yourself some relief in you and your magic’s survival. I won’t have you fret over something as menial as a handful of herbs, so-”

“But Master-”

“-Don’t “But Master” me.”

Douxie sighed. That statement didn’t leave any room for argument. It never did.

Finally, a little normalcy tonight.

Morgana put her hands to the sides of Douxie’s head. After she’d been so scared to touch him this whole time, the feeling of her fingers against his temples, brushing his hair away from his face, was a final, true assurance that the poison had been well and truly purged.

“Sleep, Little Douxie.” she soothed, “I promise you’ll wake.”

He couldn’t tell if she cast a sleep spell in that moment, or if this was from his own fatigue, but he obeyed without hesitance as he was finally lulled away from the realm of the conscious and fell into slumber.

---

Merlin looked down at the boy lying asleep on his desk, the color slowly trickling back into his face as his chest rose and fell in deep, steady breaths. 

“He’s a brave little moppet.” Morgana said as she kept her fingers against the sides of his head, her voice hushed despite the fact that the boy’s exhaustion had lulled him into a deep slumber, and he’d sleep like a stone until morning no matter what.

“...No, he’s not.” Merlin denied, “Not for this.”

Morgana snapped her head up.

“He’s just gone through more torment from that powder in one day than either of us have in all our lives!” Morgana she contested, “Not even you have endured effects that brutal from Draining Dust.”

“To be brave requires a choice - being faced with the ultimatum to either run and give up, or face your fight.” Merlin said, too proverbial and righteous-sounding as he stood over Douxie, “A choice was the exact thing he didn’t have in this. Perhaps if he’d been withholding something from that assailant, even with the threat of this, then it might be different. But as it is, even if he’d wanted to succumb to this before Archie had found him, his adrenaline hadn’t let him.”

“Maybe so,” Archie started, “but when I found him there in the forest, and I told him I’d have to come back with help, he was terrified of being left alone again. I could tell. But he put on as brave a face he could have. He chose that for himself, at least.”

“He did the same thing moments ago, when you told him how much that spell would hurt.” Morgana added, “He may not have had a choice in enduring this, but he did choose to steel his nerves when faced with every reason not to, and there’s bravery in that, old man.” She crossed her arms. “Even you have to admit that.”

Merlin almost found it endearing, seeing them both try to defend his apprentice’s honor when they felt it threatened, and maybe he could’ve seen the bravery they saw, if he’d been looking at anyone else.

But as he looked down at Hisirdoux… that’s all he saw. Hisirdoux. His apprentice. His son. His gangly little moppet who tended to cause more messes than he cleaned up, but smiled like the embodiment of joy itself.

If daylight decided to make itself corporeal and walk among humans for a while, Merlin wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if it took the form of Hisirdoux Casperan.

So, the sorcerer didn’t see bravery when he found Hisirdoux writhing and gasping on the ground in those woods, he didn’t feel bravery when the boy trembled in his arms, and he most certainly didn’t hear bravery when the boy wailed and screamed his lungs out as that poison was taken out of him, black tears streaming down his face until they became clear again.

No, if Douxie had been brave, pride in that laid nowhere in Merlin’s mind. 

After all, when fear for his son’s life flooded his mind, and hatred for whoever did this to him flooded out that fear, where, pray tell, could pride reside?

Morgana kept looking down at Douxie as he slept.

“How could you risk that?” she asked Merlin.

“Risk what, Morgana?” he asked, “Be specific.”

She snapped her head back up.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Morgana almost shouted, stifling her volume so the sleeping moppet wouldn’t hear, ““Eradicate” my foot, old man. I know the spell you used. You didn’t use a spell of eradication, you used a spell of transference!”

Arhcie had been staring down at his own sleeping familiar, but he snapped up when he heard that word, “transference”. First he looked to Morgana, then to Merlin.

“You told him it got destroyed, but you just - all you did was soak it up like a sponge!”

“Merlin… is that true?” Archie asked, obviously afraid that after all of this, Douxie would wake up without his mentor - his father - because he’d taken the poison for him. The little apprentice left without a master would never stop blaming himself, no matter how hard Morgana and Archie tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault.

Merlin sighed, an affirmation without words or nods.

“I spent the years since it’s conception,” he started, “building an immunity to the dust and its properties. It was too big a risk, potentially having a weakness to something so daunting - something I’d seen subdue and poison countless wizards. Too high a risk - a threat to the greater good.”

“So… the poison’s not having any affect on you?” Archie asked, stepping around Douxie to approach Merlin, “It’s not… he couldn’t have gone through all of this just to lose you.”

“And he won’t.” Merlin assured in confidence, “Much more than a handful of that powder would have had to be thrown at him to have any severe affect on me. No, this won’t need more than a night of rest to fix. Besides, what’s the good in spending all that time building up an immunity to Draining Dust if not to make use of it? A waste of time and tolerance built.”

“You couldn’t have known it wouldn’t...” Morgana said, “You couldn’t have possibly known you’d survive taking all of it like that!”

“I didn’t.” Merlin snapped.

Morgana’s eyes widened, as if everything about what the boy meant to him fell into place.

Because he hadn’t worried about his survival - the matter didn’t even cross his mind, not when he could still hear Douxie whimpering in pain with each page of that spellbook he skimmed. No, he only concerned himself with the likelihood that it would save the boy, his only worry being about how badly it would hurt Douxie when he’d already had to go through so much senseless, ludicrous torture.

Merlin always prioritized the “greater good”, some vast, staggering, intangible concept that encapsulated so much - the lives of thousands, the wellbeing of millions, the good of humanity.

But when he found his son writhing, hurting, suffocating, dying, he found he couldn’t spare any more regard to the “greater good” in that moment than he would a layer of dust on one of his books. If saving Hisirdoux’s life meant casting aside the greater good, then there was no question about it - he’d let the greater good rot.

It didn’t matter to him if his magic would’ve been permanently diminished by extracting the poison, or even if it killed him. Cast the greater good aside - the greatest good was the life in Hisirdoux’s eyes, and by all the heavens, he’d protect it.

And thankfully, he did just that tonight, at the cost of neither his life, his health, or his own magic. And that was the greatest good he could have asked for.

With another sigh, relieved that Morgana chose not to pry, Merlin looked down at the boy, still sound asleep, laid out on his desk. He put one arm under Douxie’s back and the other behind his knees, picking him up just like he did when he found him in those woods.

But this time, instead of trembling in his hold, Douxie made a little noise and unconsciously put his arm over Merlin’s shoulder, snuggling closer, if it were possible, to the master wizard.

Yes. he thought. There’s no greater good than this.

Morgana put her hands over her mouth and looked at the two of them as if the sight was something adorable, and Merlin huffed. Archie took his same spot curled up on Douxie’s abdomen.

“I’m taking him to his room.” he said, hushing his voice even though he knew the moppet wouldn’t wake, “And I’ll let him sleep in tomorrow morning. He needs to rest.”

The sun had set sometime during the painstaking ordeal, but torchlight along the walls of the castle made it easy to take his sleeping apprentice back to his room even once night has fallen. After using a simple spell to swing the door open while his arms were in use carrying the boy, Merlin walked in and used another little spell. The green aura of his magic glowed around the blanket on Douxie’s bed as he folded part of it over using his magic, providing room to lay Douxie down on his bed with head nestled right in his pillow’s usual dent. Once Archie stepped out of the way, Merlin reached over and laid the blanket back over him.

Douxie stirred a little, but only to turn from his back onto his side, his back to the wall and his front facing Merlin. Once the boy settled again, Merlin tentatively reached behind his head and let his bun loose so it wouldn’t get tangled if he moved around too much in his sleep. He doubted it would, considering the exhaustion and soreness in his muscles would probably enticement enough to stay still, even unconscious, but the gesture couldn’t hurt.

Archie crawled right underneath one of Douxie’s arms and nestled against his chest, and the moppet unconsciously held the bespectacled cat a little tighter.

And that was Merlin’s unspoken cue to leave Hisirdoux to rest for the night, so that’s what he did. He needed rest too, after all - his built-up immunity may have saved his life, but the poison, like everything else in the onslaught of the evening, left him weary.

Tomorrow, a search would begin.

Tomorrow, Merlin would find out who was behind this.

Tomorrow, the greatest and most powerful wizard in Camelot would not relent until he found the monster, human or trollish, who almost killed his son.

But tonight, Hisirdoux lay curled up in his bed, sound asleep as he kept his familiar close. Tonight, his life was saved.

And tonight, that was enough.

[streetlight11]

Dystopia pt 8 (FINALE)

Summary: You were an Amity born. You were taught to value kindness and harmony. But you also valued bravery and knowledge. After the test to see which faction best suited you, you were given the choice to either stay in your faction or leave. When you chose to leave your faction for another, your whole life changed and you wondered if it was the right decision. You pondered over it at first, all until you met him.

Theme: Divergent au, strangers to lovers

Genre: mild action [I tried], angst, fluff, slowburn

Warnings: mentions of blood and violence

WC: 3.6k

Pairing: Trainer!Jungkook x Initiate!FemReader

Tips: In this whole series, Y/N is a few years younger than JK. Those who were initiates like Y/N that just ended the Choosing Ceremony, are all the same age. None of these characters portray who the mentioned people are in real life whatsoever! It's just a fictional character!

a/n: Hello! Guess what? You made it to the end! I know this is a short series but I'm more than thankful if you have made it this far. Although it's quite short for a finale, I hope I didn't disappoint you too much! But anyways, here's the final part for this series :) Enjoyyy

~~~

With hurried steps, all three of them quickly hollered their way through the facility in hopes that they would reach the dorms in time. Jungkook’s heart was beating so fast against his chest, unsure if he could even calm himself down knowing something bad had happened to you. That was the last thing he wanted. From the day he saw you a few weeks back, he knew he would like you.

He knew there was something about you that leaves him being all clammy and nervous despite his amazing skill at hiding his emotions. Jungkook never knew he would manage to get close to you, thinking it was impossible considering he was a trainer and you were an initiate.

However, it looks like fate has a different plan for you and him when he saw you training by yourself in the middle of the night. That was when he first got to have a close interaction with you.

Even though it was just him teaching you basic tips on how to improve your skills for each of the different skill sets, he still got to talk to you and also earn your trust after a while. And as the days gradually went by, it was needless to say that Jungkook had grown so fond of you and even had a crush on you.

Yes, a Dauntless Trainer having a crush on a Dauntless Initiate.

How cute.

Ultimately, it all goes downhill for him as he finally arrives at the shared dormitory, only to find the rest of the initiates crowding around at one spot. The minute Jungkook and Changkyun pushed through the crowd, their hearts stopped for a millisecond upon seeing what the fuss was about.

There you were, cradled in Hyunjae’s arms as Gahyeon was crying with her hands desperately pressing what looks to be a completely blood soaked towel against your throat.

Your throat has been slit, not too deep to kill you but just enough to render you voiceless.

You were just turning around on your bed when you peeked your eyes open out of instinct, feeling as though you were being watched. Except, you weren’t expecting for it to be legit. Because the minute you opened your eyes, there was a hooded figure looming over you with a hand raised to their head level with what looks to be a knife from the Training Room.

Fuck!

Before your mind could react, your body seemed to move faster as your arms swiveled to a cross position over your face right when the person launched his attack to your head.

With the tip of its blade just barely missing your right eye socket.

You used all your energy to shove their hand away using your arms, only to kick their stomach harshly. They stumbled back a little before lunging back at you. However, you quickly rolled out of bed to your left, falling to the ground with a soft thud just as they plunged the blade into the mattress right where your chest would’ve been.

You rushed to your feet, making a break for it to the open toilet but your steps faltered when you felt a sharp stab to your calf.

“Ah! Fuck!” You loudly hissed to yourself.

The blade got pulled out of your leg harshly, only for you to flip around on the ground.

The person kneeled over you as they tried to stab you in the face again but you managed to grab their wrist with both hands. They were strong. A little too strong if you say so yourself. However, for some reason, you felt like you knew this person.

You were struggling. You were struggling hard to push their hand away. Mustering whatever strength you had left, you used all your power to push them back.

For a moment, you were glad that they nearly fell off you.

However, you weren’t mentally and physically ready for what he was about to do next. And that was for him to make one swift swing of his arm. It all happened so fast, you didn’t even realize what he did until you felt something wet trickle down your neck. You tried to curse at them but instead you were shocked when nothing came out of your mouth.

That wasn’t until one of your hands reached up for your throat and you felt it.

The open slit, the feeling of wet liquid, your nostrils filling with the strong smell of copper, and finally, bringing your fingers up to see your fingers coated in your own red crimson blood.

Your mouth hung agape as you tried to speak but there was nothing. Tears welled up in your eyes as the person got up and smirked down at you.

“Goodnight loser. I hope you rot in hell.”

They soon took off running, leaving you there helpless with no voice to scream for help, to tell people who did it. But of course, you weren’t stupid. Despite the lack of light, only an idiot couldn’t catch on easily. For there is only one person who calls you ‘Loser’ right from the start. Your doubts were confirmed the minute that nickname left their lips.

Dumb move Yeonjun.

Since you couldn’t scream for help, you slowly began to drag yourself across the room, leaving a long trail of blood behind your leg where you got stabbed only to reach the end of Gahyeon’s bed.

With one swift grasp, you managed to hold onto her shirt and that was enough to wake her.

It took her a second to realize what happened until she saw the trail of blood on the floor and your bleeding throat that you were desperately putting pressure on. She let out a shrilling scream before yelling for help from the others. Everyone began to panic at the gruesome scene, making Hyunjae cradle you while Yunho rushed out to get help.

Jungkook carried you to the hospital wing, with Gahyeon, Hyunjae, Yunho and Changkyun tagging along. One of the nurses inspected your injury, seeing that you’ve lost quite a bit of blood. She mentioned that they had to give you some blood in order to save you and they have to be the same blood type as yours. After much inspection, it was clear that only Jungkook and Hyunjae shared the same blood type as you.

Both of them offered to donate some of their blood to you to save your life. While the two were being drawn of their blood, Changkyun went ahead and brought the other two back to their dormitory to rest. You were already laying there on the medical bed unconscious which means you couldn’t feel the way Gahyeon gently gave your blood coated hands a small squeeze.

“Please be okay, Y/N.” She whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. Yunho comforted the girl before they both left with Changkyun.

A few minutes later, the nurse managed to collect as much blood as you probably needed after losing them quite a bit. She placed a bandaid over the spots where she injected the tube in their arms. After she was done, she dismissed the two boys but Jungkook asked if he could stay.

She nodded, setting up the equipment so that the blood she collected from the two gentlemen could be transferred into your body through the IV in your hand.

Hyunjae left after caressing the top of your head, wishing you a speedy recovery.

The nurse went ahead and disinfected your wounds before suturing the open cuts and wrapping them with bandages. Once she was done, she excused herself, leaving you alone with Jungkook as the male went over to scoot his chair closer to your side. Jungkook carefully reaches for your hand that didn’t have the needle attached. He brings it up to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry this happened to you Y/N. You truly don’t deserve this…” Jungkook whispered as he stood up to plant a gentle kiss on your forehead.

He felt sorry. He felt sick. He felt confused. But more importantly, he felt furious at whoever did this to you. Of course he didn’t know who but you knew.

You woke up to a sharp pain in your throat, feeling it get itchy like an unusual sore throat. The prickling pain in your right calf made your leg jolt as you shot your tired eyes open. The morning sun filled the room. You carefully looked around to find you alone in the room which looks to be the hospital wing.

Memories from last night suddenly came flashing into your mind like a tsunami, and yet, you still couldn’t wrap your mind around it.

Did that really happen?

Was it all a dream?

You almost didn’t want to believe it until your hands reached up to your throat and you felt the soft material of the bandage taped onto your neck. Of course, your stubbornness was trying to make you think otherwise so you opened your mouth to speak.

Truth be told, nothing comes out of your mouth. Absolutely nothing. Not even a sound.

Your thoughts were swirling, a million things running across your head at that very moment. From the incident last night to the final evaluation test you were supposed to have today. The test was supposed to determine your final results of your initiation. It was supposed to determine whether you get to stay in Dauntless or you get kicked out and become Factionless.

Of course, there are two ways of getting that second option. First is by failing Stage 3, and second is of course by not attending the final test at all.

How wonderful.

As your mind was swirling with these complications, you completely missed the figure that was making their way to you. It wasn’t until they were a few feet from you that you looked up only to lock eyes with Jungkook.

Immediately, a whole swarm of emotions came rushing through you as you began to cry. Jungkook rushed over to you, only to hush you.

“Shh… Shh… Don’t cry. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re fine. I’m here.” Jungkook cooed as he held you in his arms, feeling the way your arms wrapped around his waist tightly like you were afraid he might disappear if you let go. His heart swelled upon feeling his shirt get soaked from your tears.

Your silent cries only made his heart drop even more. Jungkook caressed the back of your head lovingly, making sure to give you small reassuring kisses to the side of your head as a way to hopefully calm you down.

You both stayed like that for a bit before he sang you a sweet song in your ear.

Jungkook felt your body relax in his touch, happy that his singing made you calmer. After a while, he pulled away slowly to look you in the eye. How is it possible that you are just sitting there crying your eyes out and yet you still looked beautiful? Or maybe it’s just him.

Who knows.

Nevertheless, he wipes your tears with his thumbs and soon smiles down at you.

“You’re so strong. You’re a strong girl Y/N. And I really admire you for that.” He whispered. You couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile when you felt him boop your nose with his own. You had so much to say to him. So much you wanted to share with him. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on your side today. Just then, Jungkook’s smile faltered and it made you curious.

You reached for his wrist where his hand was just cupping your face softly, to catch his attention. You silently asked him what’s wrong through your worried eyes, hoping he could read your mind.

Thankfully, he did.

“The final stage… It starts in 5 minutes. I talked to the leaders about your current condition. I tried my best to change their mind, Changkyun did try too… Unfortunately, the leaders made an agreement to… disqualify you, which means… y-you…” Jungkook paused as he struggled to convey the message to you but you already knew what it meant.

You violently shook your head at him. You had to redeem yourself. You didn’t plan for this to happen. You were forced to be in this damn medical bed out of your own will. Oh if only they saw who did this to you, would they gladly throw him to the Factionless.

“Decision has been made. Since you can’t physically be there, you’re immediately disqualified.” Jungkook said as you shook your head again. There must be something about the way you were staring at him because at that very moment, it was as though you sent him a message through telepathy.

“Wait a minute… For the final test, you don’t need to talk. You… just need to be physically there for the simulation.” Jungkook said in realization as your eyes lit up.

“Does that mean… she’s immediately disqualified?” Gahyeon asked sadly, only for Hyunjae to nod.

“I mean, technically according to the rules, you are supposed to be here physically for the final test… So, I guess that’s true then…” Hyunjae said.

The rest of them who were gathered by the side of the hall where the final stage would take place, shared mostly the same emotions about you not being able to join them which would render you as Factionless by default even after all your hard work.

However, it looks like someone couldn’t care less about you not making it.

“Who cares? She doesn't belong in Dauntless anyway.” Yeonjun rolls his eyes as he walks to the front, leaning against one of the pillars. Your friends exchanged a few glances to one another, not feeling good about the way he said that. A few minutes passed, and they had just finished the test with the third person on the list. All the initiates were anxious as they waited for their turn. Soon enough, the Dauntless leader calls out the next name to be on stage.

“Y/F/N.”

With that, the room fell silent as the initiates looked at each other with deep frowns on their faces. A few beats of silences went by, not a single sign of you anywhere. Meanwhile, Yeonjun had that devilish smirk on his face as he felt satisfied with your lack of presence.

Unfortunately, just as the leader was about to call out the next person on the list, Jungkook’s voice echoed around the hall from the opposite end of where the initiates were gathered. That’s when Jungkook emerged through the double doors with you beside him.

He had one arm wrapped around your waist as you limped your way to the platform where the chair was waiting for you. Your friends cheered for your arrival as they shouted a string of goodlucks to you. Yeonjun growled, totally not expecting to find you still alive.

Maybe he didn’t cut you deep enough.

You immediately recognized the lady who was prepping the tools to put you into simulation, to be the same lady you met on your Initiation test.

After you sat down, Jungkook gave your waist a little squeeze before he smiled down at you and whispered, “Goodluck.”

He soon left your side as the lady asked you if you were ready. You gave her a small nod, letting her inject the needle into your neck right below your ear.

Once the serum had been injected into your system, it took effect right away, bringing you to your first simulation. It was the same simulations you went through during your Stage 2. They were all of your fears connecting one simulation to the other. You managed to remember what Jungkook taught you during the past few weeks and how to properly handle each situation like a fellow Dauntless.

The minute your last simulation ended, you woke up calmly only for the lady to smile.

“You did well.” She complimented you as she helped you sit up. Jungkook came to your side and very gently led you off the platform.

“Good job. Looks like my tips worked huh?” Jungkook asked, to which you smiled, feeling shy all of a sudden. He guided you to the side only for your friends to rush over to you.

“Sweetie! You’re okay! How are you?” Gahyeon asked as she hugged you, making you return her hug. You showed an ‘okay’ sign with your hand before Yunho ruffled your hair. “Of course you are, you’re a beast Y/N.” His comment made some of them laugh, including you. Just then, your eyes drifted to your left only to meet Yeonjun’s fiery eyes.

All you wanted to do was throw him in The Pit. The last thing you wanted was to see his competitive ass everyday from now on.

However, you weren’t going to kill him despite all the pain he’s caused you.

After letting you meet up with your friends, Jungkook brought you back to his penthouse to let you rest. He carefully laid you down on his bed, pulling his blanket up to your chest while you snuggled into his side with your head resting on his chest. Jungkook chuckled as he caressed your hair, tucking them behind your ear, making sure to let his fingers softly trace the side of your face as he did so.

“No matter what the results are, I’m never leaving your side. That, I can promise you.” Jungkook said softly as you tilted your head up to look at him. You wished you could speak. You wished you could verbally say this to him outloud. Unfortunately you couldn’t.

In the end, you opted for the saying ‘Actions speak louder than words’ and so, with that being said, you lifted your head up and used your left elbow to prop your body up on the mattress.

Jungkook watched you carefully as you slowly leaned in only to press your lips softly on his. Almost instantly, he wrapped one arm around your waist while the other allowed his fingers to tangle into your soft locks. You reached a hand up to cup his cheek, letting your thumb trace the scar he had on his left cheekbone. You felt him smile against your lips as he pulled away for a breath.

His eyes fluttered open to find your cute ones staring back at him. Jungkook couldn’t help but chuckle as he gently massaged your scalp in a calming manner.

“If that is your way of telling me what I think it is, then I’ll be the one to confirm verbally that I feel the same way too…” Jungkook’s voice was smooth and sultry in your ears, it almost made you melt into a puddle. Almost.

So with one more kiss from him, your heart raced in your chest as he pulled away to let his lips hover over yours before he said the words you’ve been meaning to tell him.

“I love you Y/N.”

Prologue

6 months had passed, you ended up staying in Dauntless together with Gahyeon, Hyunjae and Yunho. Right after the final stage, you gave Jungkook the weapon Yeonjun used to attack you the night before the final stage. After investigating the weapon and finding evidence that confirms Yeonjun was indeed the attacker, he was immediately thrown out of Dauntless. Rendering him Factionless.

Yes, that jerk deserved it.

Yunho was given the role of a guard due to his unfortunate ranking but hey, at least he wasn’t Factionless.

Gahyeon was a trainer for Dauntless-born initiates while you and Hyunjae were trainers for faction transfers. Although, you only started becoming one after the 3rd month when you were starting to be able to talk again.

And how was your relationship with Jungkook, might I ask?

Well, just splendid.

Your relationship with him only grew stronger each day as he took care of you during the first few months when you still had difficulties to talk. He was always there for you when you needed someone to back you up in heated arguments.

Jungkook took you to visit your parents the day after the final stage. No doubt your parents got upset over what happened to their daughter, they were more than thankful that you were still alive and that Jungkook was there to keep you sane. As the months go by, Jungkook’s feelings for you bloomed.

Today was another day of training for you and your initiates where you managed to guide the new initiates along with Hyunjae’s help.

You were just standing off to the side, letting Hyunjae take over for the knife throwing session when you suddenly felt a pair of strong arms wrapping itself around your waist. You giggled as you turned your head to find Jungkook’s face just mere inches away from yours.

“Not here, love… We’re in the middle of training.” You whispered, earning a soft chuckle from him before he peppered your cheek with kisses.

“Can’t I just give my beautiful girlfriend some loving kisses before I go to my meeting?” Jungkook teased, making you giggle.

“Aren’t you being needy?” You laughed.

“Only when I miss you…”

“We literally saw each other an hour ago, Kook.”

“I know.” Jungkook grinned cutely at you only for you to push his face away gently while you laughed.

“Hmm, needy indeed.”

“Hey…” He pouted at you. Of course your heart couldn’t bear to see his sad pout so you turned to face him completely. Reaching up with both hands to hold his face, you pressed your lips on his before pulling away to see his silly smile on his face.

“I love you.” You whispered as you felt him hug you.

“I love you more.”

That was the last thing you heard as Changkyun’s voice beckons your boyfriend over from a few feet behind Jungkook. “Come on lovebird, we gotta go… See you later Y/N.” Changkyun chuckled as he wiggled his index finger towards Jungkook. Your boyfriend gives you one last kiss before he jogs over to his older friend.

Maybe joining Dauntless wasn’t as bad as you thought after all.

~~~

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a/n: Thank you for reading this series! Do check out my other fics if you're interested to read more of my writings! ❤️

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𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟐𝟎.𝟐𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭

A/N: Thank you so incredibly much to each one of you angels who voted for ST in the 1D Craft Awards 🥺 You continue to take my breath away with all your kindness, support and love 🐚🌊✨ ENJOYYY CHAPTER 7! x

Saturday, 25 July

The phone vibrated against the wooden table, jolting Y/N out of her focus. She blinked a few times, looking over at Fatima who turned the timer off and looked at Y/N with expectant eyes. Y/N shook her head and Fatima’s face visibly fell.

“What you mean?”

“I didn’t finish, did I?” Y/N groaned, running her hands over her face, hiding it from view for a few seconds before she sat back in her chair and looked at her laptop in front of her. The two were sitting at Olive’s Café on Island Square, seated on lime green chairs outside, the morning sun beating down on them as each of them tried to do work; Fatima looking through the curriculum she was going to teach this coming year, and Y/N doing her UCAT work. Fatima was a teacher for fourth graders, so she knew how to make things easy to understand, how to pull things apart and study properly. When Fatima had suggested that the two of them take a day together to just study, Y/N had jumped at the opportunity. Now, they had met to do exactly this a few days in a row and Y/N was really starting to feel the effects.

The thought of the UCAT exam coming closer and closer made her want to hurl. September 10th didn’t seem that far away anymore, something that absolutely terrified Y/N. Not only did she need to be out of St Ives by then, leaving her entire life and friends here behind, but she didn’t know where she’d even be. Would she even have enough money? Would she still be in Cornwall? Would she have crawled with her tail between her legs back to Winchester, asking for forgiveness for leaving them all behind?

Fatima pursed her lips, tapping her pen against the top of Y/N’s laptop. “Is it ‘cause you’re stressing too much?”

“Probs.”

“It’s hard not to when it’s important to you.”

Y/N sighed heavily, nodding her head in agreement. “This practice exam… well, it was hard.”

“They usually are, the practice exams,” Fatima explained. “Not necessarily so to scare you, more so that you’ll be aware that this will be hard, but the actual exam isn’t that bad. They never are.”

Y/N gave Fatima a little smile. “Taken the UCAT before?”

“Obvs, I’m the smartest bitch in all of the UK, if not Europe.”

Y/N laughed, quickly sighing again as she looked down at her laptop again. This was the first practice exam she had ever taken; Fatima had timed her to see if she’d make it in the estimated time it took to complete the UCAT, but Y/N hadn’t managed to. She supposed she still had a lot of time to study and prepare herself, but it still made her feel like all her studying had been for absolutely nothing. One failure, even if it didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, always seemed like the most important thing in the world. How had the world not shifted? How was not everyone around her crying like she felt she should be doing?

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Y/N. I promise you’ll be fine.”

She nodded, knowing deep down that Fatima was right. The universe would balance itself out eventually, everything would be alright in the end even if her current world was crumbling right before her eyes. Maybe she was just being dramatic, maybe it wasn’t that deep and she had just not been focused enough, but Y/N felt like giving up now.

“When I feel like I’m failing at life,” Fatima started, sitting up a bit straighter in her seat. “I pick up a pillow and I just scream into it.”

Y/N blinked.

Fatima grinned.

“You just scream? How?”

“Just like you’d normally scream,” Fatima chuckled, demonstrating by pretending to pick up a pillow, burying her face in it, and silently screaming. “And after that, I feel better.”

“Like a proper scream?”

“Like you’re being chased down the street by a man in a clown costume holding an axe.”

Y/N smiled, shaking her head some. “I’ll do that when I get back to the Inn. Immediately.”

Fatima laughed just as someone came up beside them, asking the man sitting beside them if the chair opposite him was taken. When the tiny, short-haired blonde sat down beside them, she beamed from ear to ear. There was something about Ellie’s presence that just made everything better. She was so round, so small, so joyous all the time that it felt wrong to be in a sulky mood when she was around.

“I heard you’re studying,” Ellie said, perching her yellow sunglasses on the top of her head. “And by the looks of it-“ Ellie mimicked what Fatima had just done with the scream. “-It’s not going so well.”

“Y/N’s studying for that dentist test and she tried one of them practice exams, didn’t go so well.”

“Aww.” Ellie pouted. “I’ll buy you a cupcake to cheer you up. I always eat tons when I’m sad, especially sweets. Especially, especially cupcakes.”

“Thanks for the offer, but-“

“-Ima, you want a cupcake as well?” Ellie put her purse down on her chair as she got up, holding onto her card. “Or a new iced latte?”

Fatima brought a hand to her chin, pretending to think about it, making exaggerated thinking noises till Ellie blurted a “today!” that made Fatima chuckle and say, “Both please, babe.”

Ellie smiled. “Girls, you know what I think we should do after this?” She waited for a few seconds for either of them to say something, but when they didn’t Ellie went on. “Go to the beach! You can’t be sad when you’re at the beach! We’ll sunbathe, have a bit of a swim, and then go for a Cheeky V at the pub after.”

Fatima smiled a little, looking at Y/N to see if she’d be into that.

Though all Y/N wanted to do was go back to the Inn and scream into her pillow, she smiled up at Ellie. “Yeah, why not? Have a bit of a girls day.”

“Oh, my gosh, that’s exactly what it is as well,” Ellie gasped, grinning from ear to ear. “BRB, ladies, I’m getting us something sweet.” Ellie was off into Olive’s Café greeting an acquaintance loudly before she went over to talk to them. Fatima only shook her head some, turning back to the book in front of her.

“You’ll figure it out, Y/N.”

“The UCAT?” she asked, looking at her laptop again, feeling her stomach drop at the sight of the practice exam again.

“Everything,” Fatima answered with so much conviction that for a moment, Y/N almost believed her.

“Alright, crew,” Dax called as they pulled into the farm, its lush and green landscape opening up around them. “Just warning you now, I’m gonna absolutely crush you tonight. I go for the title of champion even if it means I’m gonna have to lose some friends.”

“Sad, that,” Fatima sighed. “Seeing as you’ve never won before, what makes you think you’re gonna win this year?”

Amir turned to look at them from where he sat shotgun. “Dax, you may try to win, but we all know the former singer and frontman of Astronaut Lions will go home champion tonight.”

“You are a terrible singer, Amir. Dunno why we let you even sing,” Jo groaned.

“’Cause I’ve got a silky-smooth, delicious, fantastic-“

“-Shut up, mate!” Ellie groaned, making Jo laugh and give her a high five.

Harry stopped his van, killing the engine before Dax got up and opened the door for everything in the backseats. Y/N made sure no one could see her bum as she descended from the car, keeping her hands by her buttocks to keep her pleated lilac skirt from showing too much of her skin. She put her purse on her shoulder, letting it hang over her white crop cardigan. Music could be heard from the large barn, some awful singing streamed out from the open entrance as people walked out, laughing and carrying empty plates. The farm was just as beautiful as Y/N remembered it, now smelling of delicious barbeque and sounding of hens, chatter, and the occasional failed high-note. The karaoke night seemed to be under full way, the courtyard brimming with people, the same went for the inside of the barn it seemed.

Y/N, Fatima and Ellie fell into step beside one another as they walked over to the gate, Harry opening it for the rest, gesturing for them to walk in before him. When Y/N reached him last he gave her a little smile, eyes falling to the gravel under his feet.

“Harry!” Grace yelled, running from the grill where Uncle Tim, Jessa, and lolo stood looking at the food. “Harry, Harry, Harry!”

“There she is!” Harry bent down as Grace came running, wrapping his arms around her and spinning her around, her feet dangling in the air.

“Alright, Mr Flores?” Dax asked as he walked up to the grill, putting a hand on lolo’s shoulder. Lolo grinned up at Dax, saying something that Y/N didn’t catch as Amir let out a loud groan hitting his chest with both hands.

“Let’s go! Gonna belt Material Girl in approximately five minutes, everyone come watch to have your life changed!” Amir ran into the barn, shouting something as he met a few familiar faces inside.

“After a few pints he’ll try Gentleman,” Fatima sighed. “Someone should cover Gracie’s ears then.”

“That SL song?” Jo asked. “Nah, he better do Wiley Flow, or else I’m gonna have to challenge him to a rap battle.”

“Amir’s got no chance of keeping up with any of Stormzy’s songs,” Ellie pointed out matter-of-factly, scrunching up her nose. “Anyway,” Ellie stopped Jo before they started talking. “We’re doing Sugababes, yeah? About You Now?”

“Obvs!” Fatima exclaimed, offended that Ellie might’ve thought otherwise. “And Y/N’s joining us.”

“Oh!” Y/N raised her eyebrows, chuckling a little as Fatima wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard a Sugababes song.”

“They’re immense, aren’t they?” Ellie grinned. “I used to listen to Push The Button on repeat when I was like 12.”

“Was more of a Too Lost in You type of girl,” Y/N said, making Fatima gasp and Ellie bring a hand up to her chest.

“We’re doing Too Lost in You!” Ellie clapped her hands frantically. “Oh, my life! Legendary!”

“Of course,” Fatima smiled. “You wanna sing, yeah?”

“Let me down three ciders and I’ll be good to go.”

Jo laughed, gesturing for Y/N to follow them over to the main house where the four of them helped themselves to something to drink. Y/N glanced out of the kitchen window at the Styles-Flores family where they stood by the grill, sipping her cider. Grace sat on Harry’s shoulders, hands in his hair as she giggled at something. Harry had both his hands wrapped around his little sister’s ankles, holding her in place. Jessa was grinning at the two while Uncle Tim stood talking by the grill, asking lolo if what he was doing was alright, not having grilled this specific type of Filipino dish before. Dax stood chatting to one of Harry’s aunts, if it was Rachel or Abby, Y/N could not for the life of herself remember, but she noticed Harry’s aunt’s kids running around the grill, shouting at one another and laughing.

Y/N had never experienced a dynamic like this before. This family was so welcome, so big, so loving, and it made her happy to just watch them and know that, for a split second in time, she had been part of it. Maybe not a real part of it because this was not her family after all, but she had been touched by their warmth and been their guest for a time being. She would forever be grateful for that. Love tasted like Jessa’s lumpia, radiated like lolo’s approving smile, smelled like Grace’s hair after she had been out plucking wildflowers, and felt like Harry’s arms wrapped around her. Nothing would ever be quite like this.

“Let’s go to the barn,” Ellie said.

“I’ll just go say hi to Jessa,” Y/N announced, giving them all a smile before she walked outside and over to the grill where everyone was standing.

“Y/N!” Jessa exclaimed, opening her arms for her. Y/N grinned, walking over and doing the mano po on both Jessa and lolo. “How have you been? Don’t feel like I’ve seen you in ages.” Jessa swatted Harry’s arm, making him flinch away. “He’s keeping you all to himself, isn’t he?”

“I’ve been busy, nanay!” Harry said, furrowing his brows at his step-mum.

“Karaoke is huge in the Philippines,” Jessa explained, as she linked her arm with Y/N’s bringing her over to the grill where lolo and Tim were standing. “It is an understatement to say that Filipinos love karaoke, I daresay. Almost every Filipino home has a karaoke machine, Harry’s dad bought ours when we first moved here, but we put it out in the barn ‘cause we don’t really use it unless there’s a karaoke night, like tonight.”

“How nice, this is a tradition then? Each summer?”

“Yeah, we have a karaoke barbeque night every summer, everyone’s invited!” Jessa beamed. “It’s a fantastic way to just relax, forget about everything for a little while, belt your heart out to some of your favourite songs.”

Y/N smiled, eyes landing on the grill.

“Alright, Y/N?” Tim asked, smiling at her. “We made some tempeh for you, some Filipino barbeque sauce on it that’s out of this world. Not surprised, though, when Jessa made it.”

“Oh!” Jessa waved her hand as if to dismiss the compliment, but squeezed his shoulder. “I’m excited to see what you think. It was either tempeh or baos, thought you might like this a bit more.”

Y/N took a plate and a fork and watched as Tim put some food on her plate, thanking him once it was done. She picked up the tempeh and blew on it before she took a bite out of it, chewing it thoroughly and smiling at Jessa after swallowing.

“That’s brilliant.”

“Ahh! You think?” Jessa grinned, looking from Tim and back to Y/N, then at lolo. “Amá, Y/N liked the tempeh we made.”

Lolo smiled at Y/N and looked at her plate, nodding slowly. “You have to come and make some food with us once. You are part of the family now; we can show you our secret recipes.”

Y/N chuckled some before swallowing her bite of tempeh. “Wouldn’t say I’m part of the family, but thank you-“

“-Nonsense!” Jessa exclaimed, shaking her head furiously. “You are here, you’re making Harry happy, and since you’ve come to St Ives, the world’s been a brighter place. You’re where you need to be.”

For some reason, Y/N couldn’t quite believe what Jessa was saying. She knew it was coming from a good place, that she meant that it was nice to have Y/N there, but her family was in Winchester, she couldn’t possibly come into a new one and then ruin that one as well. This family she was visiting in St Ives would do just fine without her when she left in August. No one would miss her once she had been gone for a week, that was just a fact. Y/N was so bloody lost, she did not know what to do once her and Harry “broke up”, but she knew she would not disappoint and make any of the people around her sad, she refused.

Instead, Y/N smiled as she took the last bite of the tempeh, chewing and swallowing before she said. “Harry said something about an end of summer party.”

“Yes! I wanted to talk to you about that! Because, on the topic of food,” Jessa smiled back. “If you could give me some of your favourite vegetarian dishes, I’d love to make them for you! It would be amazing for many others to try something new as well.”

“I’d be more than happy to help out,” Y/N said, looking over at Grace as she sat on Dax’s back, the blonde man running around in circles as Harry ran after them, growling and acting like a disformed monster of sorts. She smiled a little at the sight, he looked absolutely ridiculous. How was he still cute? “I’ll bring the veggie food and I’ll show you how to make those, and then you show me how to make some Filipino dishes as well.”

Jessa placed a hand over her heart, beaming at Y/N. “You are an absolute treasure, me lover.”

Y/N smiled, eating some more of the tempeh. “When should I come and help out?”

“Are you free Tuesday?”

“Yeah, I don’t have any plans as of now.”

“Great! Harry will drive you here then. It’ll just be me, amá, Gracie, and Harry, and now you.” Jessa put her hand on Y/N’s arm, squeezing her lovingly before she turned to answer a question Tim asked her about the food he was currently grilling.

Y/N looked in the direction of Harry, Dax and Grace again, now walking towards the house. Jessa must have noticed Y/N staring in their direction because she linked her arm through Y/N’s and the two walked in the direction of the house as well.

“There’s more food inside,” she explained, grinning from ear to ear. “We do grill a lot, but Tim’s not really the best with the grill and he always insists on grilling at these gatherings, I don’t really have the heart to tell him no.” Jessa led Y/N into the dining room where she remembered all the food had been served at Grace’s birthday party. Again, casserole upon casserole stood spread over the dining table, covering it completely. Most of the dishes were all dug into, some almost completely wiped from the casseroles.

“Here,” Jessa said as she led Y/N over to the table. “I made your lumpia, there’s a few other vegetarian options as well.”

The fact that Jessa thought of this, thought of Y/N’s preference and made life a little easier for her, was so greatly appreciated that it nearly brought tears to Y/N’s eyes.

“This is biko,” Jessa explained, pointing to a casserole filled with banana leaves, a brown dish resting in it. “It’s a rice cake made from malagkit, or sticky rice, coconut milk, and brown sugar. Like other rice cakes, it is referred to as kakanin, taken from the word kanin which means rice, and is often eaten as a dessert or meryenda, meaning a mid-afternoon snack.”

“It looks lovely,” Y/N said, reaching for the spoon to get herself a slice before it was all eaten up. “Know we’re probably not set for dessert just yet, but I might just need some.”

Jessa laughed, smiling as Y/N took a bite of the biko. “What do you reckon, darling?”

“Heavenly, Jessa.”

Jessa clapped her hands together in delight, grinning from ear to ear as Y/N went in for another bite. “You have to try the buko pie next.”

“Which one’s that?”

Jessa pointed to a golden pie, not waiting for any sort of reply before cutting Y/N a small piece, placing it on Y/N’s plate. “It’s a sweet and rich pie made from young coconut meat.”

“Oh?”

“Buko pies are mostly sold in southern parts of Luzon in the Philippines. There’s this specific store down there called Collette’s that serves the best buko pie. I will never be able to replicate it, but I will try my hardest, every time I make a buko pie,” Jessa smiled. “We need to take you to Luzon, Y/N, you’d love it. Once we’ve saved up and all that.”

“This is the best buko pie I’ve ever tasted at least,” Y/N said, and Jessa laughed again looking out through the window only to sigh deeply.

“I need to go out there, it seems Tim is struggling and amá cannot be asked to help him out.” Jessa sprinted out, shouting something at Tim that Y/N didn’t catch but by the look on all the relatives standing around and Tim’s face, it couldn’t have been good. Y/N smiled a little, eating the rest of her pie before she realised she heard music. This wasn’t the type streaming out from the barn, this was coming from inside the house. And it was coming from the piano.

Y/N walked into the kitchen and placed her now empty plate on the kitchen counter before walking over to the dining room again, walking over to the doorway leading into the living room. With Grace on his lap, Harry was sitting by the piano, playing a tune Y/N had never heard before. It was both hopeful and very sad, unlike anything Y/N had ever heard before. There was no note sheet in front of him as he played, his eyes were only on the keys in front of him. Grace sometimes leaned forward and pressed a key she wasn’t supposed to, looking up at Harry while she giggled before leaning into him again, listening to the rest of the song.

“Can you play that other one?” Grace asked as Harry continued to play.

“What other one? There are quite a few, Gracie.”

“She means the one about me,” Dax grinned, standing beside the piano with his arms crossed, a massive grin on his face. “Go on, Hazza. Play that one inspired by Sexy Back.”

“Watch your mouth,” Harry hissed through gritted teeth, making his best friend laugh.

“Noooo!” Grace laughed. “The one you wrote after you, me and Y/N went to St Austell. The one about that trip.”

“Ahh, haven’t heard that one before,” Dax said, walking over to sit on the sofa beside the piano, watching the two siblings as they settled in again. Grace pressed one of the keys, looking up at Harry who smiled down at her and shook his head. He took her hand, bringing her finger over to the correct starting note, pressing it down for a long while so she’d get the feel of it. Then, he brought her to the next one, slowly playing the melody out before Grace motioned for Harry to take over for her.

What Harry produced just pressing a couple of keys at just the right moment was so breath-taking that Y/N almost felt dizzy. There was something to this melody that words weren’t ready to properly convey yet, something that was too powerful for a simple human brain to comprehend. Y/N understood why Harry wrote songs now. This melody captured that day perfectly. Her heart knew that melody. It had played that melody itself that day; it had been there with Harry while he came up with it as well.

She was thrown back to walking along St Austell, spending the day in the sunshine with two people that she had come to care so incredibly much for. Thrown back to standing side by side with Harry, talking about music, walking along the market, eating ice cream, laughing till her sides hurt. A lump suddenly appeared in her throat.

“What the fuc-“

“-Dax,” Harry said, stopping immediately. “No.”

“I’ve heard that word before, Harry,” Grace said.

“What, when?!”

“Harry, that was insane,” Dax said, grinning as he stood up from the sofa again. Before Y/N could be noticed, she stepped away from the doorway and walked outside again, feeling every inch of her chest hurting.

“Y/N!” Jo called. “Come in here!” They stood by the grill with a plate filled with food, waving her over so the two of them could walk in together.

She grinned over at Jo as she made her way over, them walking in the direction of the barn together. She waved at people she recognised – Florence from Bessie’s knitting club and Dax’s mum, was one of them. The inside of the barn was decorated with plenty of fairylights, giving the old interior a yellowish and homely glow resembling candlelight. There were small tables and chairs all around so people could sit down to eat, drink, and chat, while a huge screen was positioned by the furthest wall, two microphones attached to what looked to be a high quality karaoke machine of sorts. Jo showed the way and they sat down with the rest, it didn’t take long for Harry, Dax, and Grace to join them. Y/N got out of her chair and tapped Grace on the shoulder.

“Haven’t gotten a hug yet,” Y/N said and Grace jumped off the ground, throwing her arms around Y/N’s neck. She laughed, hugging the little girl to her for a few heavenly seconds before she stepped away. “You look nice today.”

“Nanay told me not to spill anything on it,” Grace said as she gestured at her pink, sparkly dress. “I told her I can’t promise that.”

Y/N chuckled. “You’re doing well so far, I’d say.”

“Thank you!” Grace beamed. “Anyway, Harry’s drinking that drink that makes his breath smell awful.”

“Gracie,” Harry warned from where he now sat beside Ellie, but the little girl did not appear to want to hear what he had to say.

“How can you kiss someone with bad breath, Y/N?” Grace asked and Y/N’s heart dropped at little as she thought about kissing Harry again. How they weren’t going to kiss again. How she wanted to kiss him, but not because they were fake dating. It took everything in Y/N not to look in Harry’s direction, because, judging by his little utterance of his sister’s name before, she knew he must’ve heard this as well.

“You don’t care if they’ve got bad breath if you really want to kiss them,” Y/N answered, giving Grace a smile.

Grace grimaced. “I would never kiss someone if their breath stank.”

“Don’t talk about kissing, you’re seven,” Harry said, sipping his pint.

Y/N raised her eyebrows at Grace and Grace did the same back. At Grace’s instructions, Y/N sat down in her seat so Grace could sit in her lap. Grace watched the people singing intently, sometimes singing along and nodding her head along to the music like she couldn’t help it. It was impossible not to smile at the sight of it, Y/N simply cared for this little creature so much it was hard for her to fully comprehend it. Grace, though young and Harry’s little sister, was the closest thing Y/N had ever come to a sister. They didn’t have a deep connection through thoughtful conversation, but they just understood and went along. There was an emotional and meaningful connection that, though not talked about, had appeared because they enjoyed and appreciated each other’s company.

Grace ran over to a nearby table to get herself some water, leaving Y/N sitting in the chair alone, her lap feeling oddly cold. On the other side of the table, Amir was talking loudly over the karaoke battle that had just begun.

“When I go back up to London for work in two weeks’ time, I feel like I’m just gonna make a right fool of myself, yeah? Normally takes a week for me to turn my weird off after I’ve been home.”

“Gonna be weird when you and Jo are off again,” Ellie said. “Why do you two have to work in London? Why can’t you just stay in St Ives?”

“Bit liberating to leave this place for another one every once in a while, not gonna lie,” Jo admitted, sipping their beer.

“Makes you realise all you’ve missed,” Fatima nodded. “Was the same when I came home for uni breaks, now I’m just really happy I ended up here. Might be underpaid as a teacher, but-“ Fatima shrugged her shoulders. “-I love living and working here, it’s home, after all.”

Y/N hated that she had never experienced that feeling; of coming back to something you had missed. Of coming home.

“Bum that,” Dax said. “I want my mates home at all times! I don’t care you’ve got a job!”

Y/N chuckled, the conversation around them commencing as she looked down at the table, picking at a stain on the table. Grace came back just then, but she didn’t get to sit down before Dax said her name.

“Wanna go up and sing your heart out?”

Grace squealed and took Harry’s hand. Harry downed the rest of his beer and stood up, walking with Grace, Dax, and Amir up to the karaoke machine. Y/N rested her chin in her hand, smiling as she watched the four of them discuss what song to do. It had to be an easy one that Grace already knew, it might be hard to find the correct one. They took some time to decide, but suddenly, the drums to a song Y/N recognised from Harry’s favourite’s playlist started playing. She remembered how Grace really loved that playlist.

“Uptown girl,” Grace sang into the microphone as she perched on Harry’s hip, sharing microphone’s with him. “She’s been living in her uptown world.”

Dax and Amir joined in as well, singing along with Grace who was still unsure of the lyrics but tried to read them as best she could on the screen in front of them. Harry moved them to the music, Dax throwing an arm around Amir’s shoulders as they started singing their hearts out. It was simply impossible not to smile as you watched the four of them, dancing and singing along to Billy Joel’s song.

“God,” Fatima sighed as she scooched her chair closer to Y/N’s. “I wish someone looked at me the way Harry looks at you.”

Y/N halted a little at Fatima’s words, looking in her direction as Amir, Dax, and Grace sang “And now she’s looking for her downtown man, that’s what I am”.

“Pardon?”

Fatima grinned. “Oh, you know-“ She placed her chin in her head, looking off into the distance with exaggerated doe eyes, a dreamy look on her face. For a split second, Y/N’s heart seemed to lurch out of her chest. Harry… Harry looked at her like that? He glanced at her? Surely, Fatima was not being serious and she had simply caught Harry smiling at Grace when she sat in Y/N’s lap.

Y/N laughed. “You’re taking the mick, that’s not how he looks at me.”

“Wouldn’t know, would you? Always happens when you’re not looking.”

“Harry,” Grace said, not even bothering to hold the microphone away as she spoke to him in the middle of the song. “You need to sing, the song’s for Y/N, remember?”

Y/N glanced beyond Fatima and at the group in front of the screen, a rush of adrenaline streaming through her veins. Laughter could be heard throughout the room at Grace’s words, many turning in Y/N’s direction to look at her, all with smiles and curious looks on their faces. At once, Y/N’s face seemed to be too hot for its own good. She bit her bottom lip, continued to watch the gang, ignoring the heat in her cheeks.

Harry seemed to take a deep breath before he started singing with Amir and Dax, both of them doing a miserable job of doing the song any sort of justice. Neither were impressive singers, but Y/N knew Harry was.

“Uptown girl, you know I can’t afford to buy her pearls,” Harry sang, voice so effortlessly breath-taking that Y/N felt like she was doing a pretty good job of imitating the dreamy look Fatima had demonstrated earlier. “But maybe someday when my ship comes in, she’ll understand what kind of guy I’ve been, and then I’ll win.”

Grace joined in then, wrapping her arm around Harry’s shoulder and leaning her head against his. They all continued to sing along to the song, Y/N not paying any sort of attention to the conversation between Fatima, Ellie, and Jo. She watched as the four of them cheered once they were done singing, bowing to the small applause they got before returning to the table.

“I need to go tell nanay!” Grace shouted, running off outside to Jessa and the rest of the family.

Y/N smiled at Harry as he came back, getting a tight-lipped smile back before he picked up his, Dax’s, Amir’s and Jo’s empty beer cans, walking over to get them all a new round. Grace came back with Halo Halo, placing herself on Y/N’s lap as the two ate, talking non-stop. The little one disappeared after a little while, Y/N suspected it was because it was getting rather late. As the night went on, Y/N realised that the only two that would be able to stand by the end of the night were her and Fatima. The others got very drunk, talking loudly about everything insignificant and nothing they would remember in the morning. Harry kept looking at the watch on his wrist, clearly making sure that they got back to his at a good hour so he could report at 3am. When Harry’s speech got a bit more slurred and his eyes a wee hooded, Y/N started looking out for him. Using the time on her phone, she kept an eye out, making sure that Harry returned to his cottage before then so he could sleep off most of his intoxication.

Talking amongst themselves as the rest chatted loudly, Fatima and Y/N agreed that Fatima would be the one to drive everyone home. It would be easier to drop Harry off last as this was his van, and Fatima didn’t live too far away from the lighthouse, the two then decided Y/N would sleep at her place that night, it would be nice just being the two of them. She loved how closed she was getting to Fatima and Ellie. There hadn’t really been a time before when she had made proper good friends, but everyone around that table were currently climbing very fast and very high up on her list of favourite people in the entire world. She genuinely appreciated Fatima’s help with the UCAT reading earlier that week, it had really helped her along, even though the result hadn’t been the best. That was Y/N’s fault though, not Fatima’s teaching skills.

At one point, Dax got all of them up from the table, bringing them over to the screen, telling them over and over again how they needed to do this. Y/N was unsure if they really did, but she didn’t bother telling a very drunk Dax that as he handed out microphones, telling people to share. Y/N scooted up next to Ellie, watching Harry as he put an arm around Jo’s shoulder, patting them as the two of them along with Amir watched Dax search for the song.

“We need to know what song we’re gonna embarrass ourselves to,” Amir exclaimed as Dax was taking his time typing.

“I’m not about to do a Union J song, mate,” Ellie said.

“Alright, I liked one of their songs ten years ago, Ellie!” Dax looked over his shoulder at her, a deep furrow to his brow. “Carry You is a belter!”

“It’s not.”

“Jo, back me up here,” Dax said, turning back to write something into the laptop standing there.

“Dax… don’t make us sing Union J or The Wanted or JLS or anything like that, we don’t need that,” Jo sighed.

“The fact you’re embarrassed about our boyband period in 2013 hurts.” Dax glared at Jo.

“Right, then, what’s the song we’re singing?” Harry shot in, nodding at the laptop again. “We’re just standing here lookin’ stupid now.”

“Looking stupid?” Amir tutted, shaking his head. “Couldn’t be me, mate. Model material, this is. Look like I’m straight off the runway.” He gestured at his body and Fatima feigned throwing up, making the five drunks howl with laughter.

“Ultraviolet, Stiff Dylans.”

Y/N gasped at Dax’s words, bringing her hand up to her chest as the others around just looked at her, afraid something had happened. She grinned at Dax. “That used to be my favourite song!”

This seemed to be shocking news to absolutely everyone.

“What?” Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging was revolutionary.”

“Too right,” Harry said. “But… were you…” He blinked a few times. “Were you even allowed to watch it? Not a film I reckon would’ve been allowed in your house.”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say, I used to be a rebel.”

“Yes, Y/N!” Dax grinned, giving Y/N a high five. “Now, bum God Save the Queen, this is Britain’s national anthem! Someone record this, history in the making!”

The familiar music started up and Y/N was taken back to a time when she had a massive crush on Aaron Taylor-Johnson, hiding her obsession with this film from her parents, and listening to this song on repeat. The whole gang started singing, Amir doing a horrible job of keeping up with everyone else, but it was fun to watch him get annoyed with himself for not getting it right. Involuntarily, Y/N’s eyes fell on Harry. He was singing his heart out, sounding better than everyone else, but in his drunken state he seemed to have forgotten some of the lyrics. However, everyone knew the song and it felt very good to be with people she adored, singing a song all of them knew and loved, together. She felt part of something bigger than herself in that moment.

Maybe that was why she did it. Because, looking back, Y/N did not quite know what came over her in that moment, but she loved herself for it. As the song started nearing the end, Y/N took the microphone out of Ellie’s hands and started singing at the top of her lungs, taking absolutely everyone by surprise but she did not care. Ellie started laughing and the rest joined in again towards the end, matching Y/N’s volume.

As she turned around after the song, grinning from ear to ear as she glanced at her friends, basking in their applause and cheers, she caught Harry’s eye. That crooked smile of his was on his face along with a look she wasn’t sure she had ever really seen before, maybe only once. Amusement tangled up with adoration, forming a sort of emotion that had yet to be given a word; someone on the cusp of surrendering themselves completely to the overpowering concept of love, yet still holding back in fear of the unrequited. As soon as their eyes met, Harry looked away, scratching at the back of his neck as he walked back over to their table, everyone following suit.

The time came for them all to leave and Harry gave Y/N the car keys, claiming that he was not fit to drive, though she had not needed him to tell her that. Y/N gave them over to Fatima and all of them made their way over to the van. The night sky was black, brimming with glinting stars and the moon hanging big and yellow over Cornwall, wishing them all a good night. Y/N walked over to Jessa and thanked her for her hospitality, asking her where lolo and Grace were. She explained they’d gone to bed a long time ago, lolo had probably read Grace a bedtime story and fallen asleep himself, he sometimes did that when he stayed the night at the farm.

Y/N ran over to the van, opening the passenger door to see Amir sitting there, a bag in front of him in case he should throw up on the way home. He gave Y/N a peace sign before she closed the door and opened the door into the backseats.

“There you are,” Jo said through a yawn. “Let’s go, Ima.”

“Y/N!” Harry called from further back in the van, making Dax groan and mumble a “shut up, mate” that Harry did not hear. “Y/N! My flower! Come back here, I saved us the whole back backseat!”

Y/N glanced in Fatima’s direction, only to see her friend raise her eyebrows at her, nodding her head. “He made a big fuss.”

“Y/N, come here, I want to tell you something,” Harry said, words slurring a bit. Y/N stepped into the van properly, closing the door behind her before she walked back to Harry, sitting down in the seat right beside him by the window, even though there were three seats in the far back of the car. The car jolted a little as Fatima started driving, steering the car up the gravel round and towards the centre of St Ives.

“What’d you wanna say?” Y/N asked Harry in a hushed voice, hoping he’d mimic her.

“I… I wanted to say something that’s been on my mind for a while now,” he said, whispering back to her, his face mere centimetres from her own. She felt hot all over, adoring their close proximity but also remembering the rule they had made some days ago. As they drove by the white fluorescent streetlights, Harry’s face lit up for a few seconds, making him appear almost angelic. “I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Okay.”

“It’s got to do with you.”

“Figured as much.”

Harry giggled, looking down at his hands where they rested between his legs, sliding his thumb along his other. “You’re very smart.”

“Thank you.”

“Smartest person I know.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. “I doubt that.”

He pursed his lips as he thought. “You do that a lot.”

“What?”

“Doubt yourself.” He stared back at her, moving a little closer so their sides were flush against one another. “I think you’re great. I’ve never doubted you.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say as the world around them seemed to disappear completely. For a single moment, it looked like he was going to tilt his head to the side, almost as if he were getting ready to study her like he had done at Porthgwidden. He stopped himself, staring back at his hands.

“I don’t have any cucumber left,” Harry mumbled, this made Y/N giggle a little. “This ain’t gonna end well for me tonight if I don’t get that cucumber.”

Y/N giggled some more, bringing her hand to her mouth as Harry looked at her again, his crooked smile appearing on his face, dimple showing.

“What?”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re talking about a cucumber when you say it like that,” she said.

“What then?”

“Well… what’s kind of shaped like a cucumber?”

Harry furrowed his brows, thinking hard.

“You have it, I don’t.”

“A cock?” Harry mouthed, looking absolutely gobsmacked that Y/N would suggest such a thing, which made Y/N laugh again.

“Yeah, dildo or summat.”

“Y/N Bernadette Angelica McKay,” Harry gasped, shaking his head as his eyes fell on the road through the window beyond Y/N. “Saucy git.”

“You started it.”

“Well, you made it sexual.” Harry crossed his arms, pretending to roll his eyes to make Y/N laugh, which worked effortlessly. “Wouldn’t mind a dildo, not gonna lie.”

“Harry!”

“What?! It’s the truth!”

Y/N laughed again, watching as Ellie and Jo jumped out of the car once Fatima stopped it, waving at everyone before they started walking in the same direction. Fatima started the car over again just as Jo stumbled and almost face planted, making everyone in the van – including the two outside – crack up. Y/N settled into her own seat, looking down at her thighs as they drove off again, giggling a little to herself as she replayed Jo’s near-death experience in her head.

“I…” Harry started, and when she glanced up at him, he was smiling that very small smile back at her. It was barely there, making his dimples show ever so slightly, and it made every single butterfly in Y/N’s tummy flutter their wings madly. “I love the sound of your laughter.”

Y/N felt her heart skip a beat.

“It makes me happy.”

She knew that if she continued to look at Harry and he continued to look at her, she would just start feeling more for him. Though she knew it was inevitable, she would fall in love with him sooner or later, she wanted to slow the process out so that she didn’t end up spending too much time with him while she loved him.

“When you said you watched Angus, Thongs earlier, it kinda shocked me a bit,” Harry admitted, talking as if it was all part of his stream of consciousness. “Not that I think you’re innocent or anything like that, you don’t seem innocent- and when I say it like that it sounds weird.”

Y/N bit her lips together, trying not to laugh.

“From what I’ve heard your parents were very strict so…” Harry shrugged his shoulder, looking away from her again. He tilted his head a little to the side as he caught eye of Amir in the front. “Amir! Oi! If you throw up in my van I’m gonna murder you!”

“Shut up, Haz,” Dax groaned. “Y/N, why the fuck is your boyfriend so loud when he’s plastered? Bloody hell.”

“I’m not loud, I’m passionate.”

“About Amir not throwing up in your car?” Dax rolled his eyes. “Brilliant.”

Fatima stopped the car, shouting at Dax to get out and help Amir home. Dax slowly walked around the car and took Amir’s arm over their shoulder, the two walking off as Amir started singing a song that had been sung right before they left the farm. Fatima sat there and watched the two walk up the street, making sure they got inside Amir’s place where Dax would kip before she started driving towards the lighthouse.

The three were quiet for the last part of the drive, Harry seemingly about to doze off all of a sudden, humming Ultraviolet under his breath as they started driving up the gravel path to the lighthouse. Y/N just barely saw the light of the lighthouse before it disappeared, but did not pay any more notice to it as Harry leaned over her, glancing out the window as if to see his house. Once Fatima stopped the car, Harry reached for the seat buckle, fumbling for it in the dark before he finally got free.

“Help me inside?” he asked Y/N, making her lose her words a bit at first in surprise, but she quickly loosened her own seatbelt as Fatima turned around, about to jump out of the van as well.

“Just gonna help him get to bed, it’ll take five minutes,” Y/N told Fatima as Harry slid the backdoor open, getting out of the car.

“Ten if can force a cuddle out of her,” Harry said, chuckling a little to himself as he watched Y/N get out of the car and close the door behind her. She only raised her eyebrows at him, holding her hand out for his keys, which he gave her eagerly. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle him for ten minutes, she’d take cuddles for one minute if that’s all she got, but she knew he was only saying it in front of Fatima to make her believe them even more. He took his time walking to the front door, as if to drag the time out, while Y/N walked on inside, turning the lights on for him. It took some time for him to get his shoes off and while he did that, Y/N looked through his fridge, not seeing any cucumbers but a few tomatoes could maybe do as post-party food.

Harry put his rucksack with his camera down by the sofa, strolling over to the bathroom to do whatever he needed to do. Y/N put the tomato on the counter, making Harry a glass of water like he had made her last time and putting that along with the tomato on the dining table. Once he walked out of the bathroom, he rubbed at his eyes, giving Y/N a smile as their eyes met.

“Are you staying?”

“No, I… I’m going home with Fatima.”

Harry nodded. “You two…?”

Y/N chuckled some, feeling her cheeks get a little hot as she shook her head. “No, we’re friends. I’m kipping at hers.”

“Okay, good.” Harry nodded, biting the corner of his upper lip as he said, “I don’t like it when you’re alone.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what you said about your dad, that he was a bad man and all that.”

Y/N felt a sort of panic rise in her chest and she looked out the still open door, seeing Fatima sit by the stone fence circling the lighthouse, watching its lights. Harry yawned, lying down in his bed and glancing over at Y/N, his eyes trailing down her body. She felt herself blushing, both because Harry was staring at her like that and she did not want to talk about her dad, especially not while Harry was drunk.

“Can you stay?” His voice was soft, speaking with a meaning that went beyond the cottage and tonight.

“I’m going with Fatima.”

“I want you to stay, flower.”

She wanted to lay down next to him, slide her hand through his hair and watch as he closed his eyes, smiling ever so slightly and humming in total and utter contentment. Fall asleep next to him, feel his breath on her skin again, know that he was there to protect her if anything were to happen. She suddenly remembered how safe she had felt waking up here, how she had never slept as good as she did that single night she spent at Harry’s cottage. Never again would she feel like that, Y/N realised. Once she left St Ives in a couple of weeks, all the safeness and the sense of belonging would be ripped away from her. It would surely be like someone ripping off her arm.

Harry sat up in his bed as if he sensed a shift in the air around them, looking up at Y/N with slight worry but also a sort of desperation, silently asking her to please consider his offer. God, in that very second, it was very hard to resist him. Because when he looked at her like that, so attentive, so devoted to everything she did, she simply wanted to do nothing but lay down next to him and do what he asked. But she couldn’t, and with each passing second where they just looked at one another, the tension between them grew and she felt goosebumps up her back. She cleared her throat some.

“You wanted to tell me something earlier, was that it?” Y/N asked, wanting to get them talking about something else.

“What?”

“In the van, when I entered it, you said you had something to say, what did you have to say?”

“Oh,” Harry said as if suddenly remembering. He glanced away suddenly, scratching at the back of his neck. “No, it was… I wanted to tell you that… I know we haven’t spent much time together since the whole… since Terraland… last Saturday- so like, a week ago…”

She nodded, encouraging him to keep going.

“I’m sorry for that. I don’t… The last thing I’d ever do is hurt your feelings or make you uncomfortable.”

“I know, Harry.”

“I just…” He watched her, taking in every single one of her movements as if he would forget what she looked like when she left. “You and me, you know… we were sitting there together and… you were so pretty when we sat there at Porthgwidden, I couldn’t… I had to kiss you. Spur of the moment kind thing, I suppose.”

Y/N did not want to look at him, did not want to hear him say anything else. Had all the nice things he had said at the beach also been just “spur of the moment” then? So nothing was real? Not that she had thought it was, but that kind of just underlined it, didn’t it? She didn’t know what to think anymore, everything was so blurry, nothing seemed to really make sense. Everything was for the fake relationship, it always was.

“Y/N!” Fatima called from outside, Y/N glanced at her. “Say goodbye so we can leave!”

When she glanced back at Harry, Harry seemed to get a little desperate, not wanting her to leave just yet. But Y/N couldn’t stay.

“Y/N,” Harry said, maybe realising that what he’d said might’ve been a bit much. “I-I didn’t mean it like that.”

She gave him a smile. “We’ll talk soon, yeah?”

Harry just nodded, and she walked out the door and toward Fatima who was smiling at her. With one last glance over her shoulder, she saw Harry in the window over his dining table, looking out after Y/N and Fatima as they walked along the gravel path toward town. His hand was resting by the tomato she had laid there for him, hoping that it could somehow be a good second to his usual cucumber tradition after nights out. Y/N crossed her arms over her chest as a slight cold breeze blew past them and Fatima audibly shivered.

“Yeah, would you look at that,” Fatima said as Y/N glanced her way. “Left me out in the wind, you did. Now I’m freezing.”

Y/N laughed, nudging Fatima’s shoulder with her own. The two friends went on back to Fatima’s place, acting as two old friends would.

Monday, 3 August

This was the first time Y/N had ever witnessed rain in St Ives since she arrived in June. It was not pouring down as one would assume after a long drought, a slight pitter-patter fell onto the grass around her as she walked along the gravel path, falling onto the hood of the yellow rain coat she was wearing. The sky was a dull grey, not something one should be worrying about, but there were a few darker clouds hovering somewhere in the horizon and she was sure that with this high of a temperature and the promise of pouring rain later on, lightning would occur as well.

Once she reached the lightkeeper residence, she knocked three times, waited a minute for Harry to open, then peeked her head in when he didn’t. Harry was sat by the dining table, looking through an instruction manual in front of him, frowning down at the pages as if he was reading a language he did not understand. At the sound of the door opening, he looked in Y/N’s direction, giving her a little smile.

“Saw you approach just now,” he said before looking down at the manual before him again.

“So you didn’t bother opening the door for me?” she asked, smiling over at him, but Harry did not answer. This was what she had been afraid of.

Ever since the karaoke and barbeque night at the farm, Harry had not met her gaze. Whenever she had come over to study, he wouldn’t spend too long in the cottage with her and he would rarely make her tea as he usually did. There was something not subtly cold, but different. He still welcomed her to sit in his windowsill and would still talk to her, but he wouldn’t look at her, wouldn’t stay around for long enough so they could talk properly. Y/N had tried, even suggested they go down to the Bakery to buy a pasty and walk around St Ives, go to the Candy Shoppe, or to the pub to have a few pints, but Harry had turned down all her offers, told her they could do it another time. He never really gave an explanation for why he didn’t want to hang out and Y/N was afraid of asking for one. But they had to talk. She didn’t want to go on like this, especially when Harry had come to mean so much to her.

“What’re you up to, then?” She took her coat and boots off, walking over to where Harry was seated by the dining table.

“I’m about to change the bulbs before it starts getting dark out and the lamp’s turned on,” he explained, furrowing his brows as he ran his finger over the page, concentrating on reading a specific line. Y/N stayed silent as not to disturb anything. He got up from the chair, sipping the last of his tea before he shoved the manual down in the back pocket of his denim shorts. He slipped his red knitted jumper over his Elton John tee shirt, the same one he had given to Y/N to wear after Dax’s birthday party when she slept over for the first time.

“Can I help?” she asked, giving him a smile she hoped he’d lay his eyes on her to see.

And he did, lips parting a little as if he was surprised by the suggestion. This puzzled Y/N as she had always expressed her willingness to help him, no matter what.

“Go on, then.” Harry nodded. “Just needed a cuppa before I started, it’s well past 6 after all.”

“You’re going to bed soon?”

“Yeah, and the lamp gets turned on in about an hour.”

Y/N smiled as he walked past her. “You’ve been procrastinating all day, have you?”

“Not all day.”

She laughed and she thought she saw the flicker of a smile on Harry’s lips at the sound.

“I’ve done other things as well, but I need this done now and quickly.”

Y/N nodded, putting her rain boots back on as Harry got his trainers on, the two then jogging in the direction of the lighthouse as not to get soaked in the rain that was starting to fall harder around them. Harry held the door open for her, then locked it once they were both inside. They started their ascent, Harry leading them past his little office floor, past the bedroom like room, up and up and up, till they finally reached the bell room. Even though Y/N was wearing a short white sundress with her green oversized boxy high-neck jumper along with her mid-calf black rain boots, she walked up the ladder leading to the bell room. She remembered how she had been reluctant to walk up wearing a dress that first time, but now she didn’t really care. Harry needed to change the bulbs and she said she was going to help.

Along the way, Harry had brought a toolbox with him, placing it up on the floor of the bell room before he walked up the ladder, letting Y/N go on up after him. For some reason it shocked Y/N when she came up to see that the lamp – the only thing inside the bell room – was not moving. She had imagined that the light in lighthouses moved around, and though Harry had explained what offshore and shore-based lighthouses were, the pattern of a lighthouse and the like, he hadn’t really explained how the lamp worked.

“It doesn’t rotate,” she said, walking up to the relatively small lamp in the middle of the room.

Harry was rummaging through his toolbox, stopping momentarily as he glanced over his shoulder at Y/N, unsure what she was referring to first, then let his eyes fall to the lens. “It flashes.”

Y/N furrowed her brows, walking around the lens to get a good look at it, studying the ridges and different colours of it, blank and red. “flashes?”

Harry pulled a screwdriver out of the toolbox and started working on the screws around the lamp. “It’s to identify it when it’s dark out, sailors can’t make out the white lighthouse when it’s night-time.”

“Makes sense.”

“Most lighthouses, especially shore-based ones like Clodgy, rhythmically flash or eclipse their lights to provide an identification signal. The particular pattern of flashes or eclipses is known as the character of the light, and the interval at which it repeats itself is called the period.” Harry tipped the plastic lens to reveal the five lightbulbs under it; Y/N was surprised to see it wasn’t made of glass. She supposed it was more convenient. “Essentially, a lighthouse may display a single flash, regularly repeated at perhaps 5-, 10-, or 15- seconds intervals. This is known as a flashing light. Clodgy is one of them.”

“What are these then?” Y/N asked, pointing to the red streaks.

“Basically, if someone is on sea and they are driving in the direction of sharp rocks or land, they’ll see a red light flashing instead of a normal, yellow one.”

“Danger, danger.”

Harry reached into his pocket, pulling out a box and putting it on the little space underneath the lamp.

“How many bulbs are there?” Y/N asked, looking at the different ones all attached to a round object in the middle of the lens.

“Five, they usually don’t have to be changed out. You gotta do so every 15-25 years, depending. This little thing-“ Harry pointed to the small bulb between them. “Lights up 15 miles using these lenses. It’s incredible.”

Y/N looked up at Harry, seeing a tiny and amused smile on his face as he talked. This was the most she had heard him talk in over a week; it made her heart do a silly fluttery thing.

“When one of these five bulbs go out, the apparatus knows that the bulb no longer works and it will rotate and-“ Harry placed his finger on the side of the bulb, rotating it to the right so that the apparatus turned, clicking as another bulb fit into place at the top. “-Click to a new bowl, it’s on automation and all that. So, we rarely change the bulbs.”

She bit her bottom lip as she watched him, not able to help herself. It was just so endearing to watch him like this, so amazing to hear him talking so unfiltered to her again. Right then, talking about bulbs and apparatuses and what not, he was so engulfed, so eager to tell her everything, that he did not care how he sounded. He was comfortable. She could tell.

He must’ve noticed how he rambled off, because he cleared his throat and stood up straight again, running a hand through his hair as a slight pink colour appeared in his cheeks. He quickly started to change the first bulb, putting a new on in its stead. Y/N just watched him, finding the sound of Harry working, the slight clicks, the quiet patter of the rain against the windows surrounding them, very relaxing. He seemed to be relaxed as well, so she thought this might be the best time as any.

Inhaling slowly, she leaned her hands on either side of the slight counter the lamp was standing on. She looked over it at Harry, his bottom lip between his teeth as he put the second bulb in its new place.

“Harry, we…” she started, swallowing thickly. “We need to talk about… things.”

Harry sighed. “Yes. Yes, we do.”

Knowing he felt the same way about that made it easier to breathe for a reason. At least she wasn’t going into this the same way she had been going into the Emilia situation after Dax’s birthday.

He started on the third bulb as he started talking, beating Y/N to it. “I, uhm… I want to tell you about my dad.”

This came as a shock to Y/N who was left raising her eyebrows at him for a second or two before saying, “Yeah, alright.”

He glanced up at her over the lightbulb. “You didn’t see it coming?”

“We’ll talk about your dad first,” Y/N gave him a reassuring smile. “We have time. We’ll always have time.”

“But that’s the thing…” Harry trailed off, switching out the fourth bulb, not meeting her eyes. “We don’t. If there’s one thing we won’t always have, it’s time. There won’t ever be enough time spent with your loved ones, there just won’t. No matter how much time you spend or how much time you spent with someone, you’ll always want more time. Always. What you got is never enough.”

The rain outside fell a little harder against the windows of the bell room, the wind a little harsher.

“Two years ago, my dad went on a fishing trip. He usually did this, took a few of his mates and then set off out wherever. They were never gone for more than a day tops, they always returned at night with tons of fish and I remember how Jessa would be so delighted and then invite our whole family over for barbecues and the like.” He paused as he started on the fifth and last bulb. “One day, September 4th to be exact, he didn’t return. Jessa and I sat up for hours waiting for signs of him. She started calling the spouses of the others on the boat, no one else had returned either.”

Y/N absolutely hated that she knew where this was going but she hadn’t told Harry that yet.

“Dax ended up sleeping at the lightkeeper house with me for a month and some after that, just didn’t want me to be alone, you know? He’s sound like that.” Once he was done putting the bulb in place, he reached for the lens and put it back where it belonged. “I think most of my mates and the people in my family’s life tried to keep our minds off it, ‘cause the more days went by, the more likely it was that… you know… he was dead.”

Harry sighed, reaching for the screwdriver, taking a little pause in talking as he screwed everything back into place. Y/N took a few steps back, watching him do his job and make himself ready to talk again.

“The boat was found October 14th, no one and nothing was in it.” Harry still wouldn’t look at her, put the screwdriver back in the toolbox and kept his back to her for a few seconds before turning around again. The bell room was starting to get relatively dark; she supposed the light would turn on soon, and she could barely make out the slight glassy expression in Harry’s eyes.

“I went absolutely mad. There are big chunks of time that I don’t even remember from that time, my brain has just… erased it from my memory, it was the darkest period of my life. They didn’t find any of the passengers’ bodies, there were three of them as well. It had been a turbulent and stormy night, so a sea storm took them out, drowned them all. But I… I…” Harry inhaled hugely, breathing shakily. “I didn’t… I still kinda don’t want… want to believe it. My dad is laying somewhere, far away from me, far away from Jessa, Gracie, from… from home…” He looked down at the ground, blinking rapidly. “It doesn’t fucking feel real. It’s not supposed to happen. This… He was a good sailor; he didn’t drown at sea.”

Y/N felt something starting to sting behind her eyes, she bit her bottom lip to stop it from wobbling. The storm outside seemed to pick up, sounding rougher than a minute before.

“I took over after him because I thought… I thought that, if no one else could, I could help him find the way home. I could shine that light; I’d take care of the lighthouse till he came back home. I’d show him the way, I’d light up the path for him, and he’d come home to me again. Where he belonged, where he should’ve been all along.” He took a deep breath, slowly looking up again, eyes falling to the lamp in the middle of the room. “It was a way for me to ignore the fact that he was truly dead. He wouldn’t come back. I didn’t really… I didn’t realise how… I didn’t realise how true it was that my dad, my constant, was gone, until Emilia left as well.”

Y/N furrowed her brows, a sort of rage filling her again. She had never been this angry before. There was something burning inside her, a sort of desire to protect Harry from everything evil in the world. No one deserved to hurt, but Harry least of everyone.

“I met Emilia at one of Astronaut Lions’ gigs the year before. I remember standing at the bar and she came up to me, asked me if I was Amos’ son – that’s my dad’s name, by the way - to which I said yes, and she told me her dad used to lend my dad and his mates his fishing boat sometimes. My dad and hers knew each other. So, we got talking, and, I want to say it’s ‘cause our dads knew each other, we got pretty close, pretty fast.”

Talking about Emilia brought Y/N’s gagging reflex into full force, but she composed herself.

“When my dad died, she was around, but not as often as Dax, Amir, Jo, Fatima, Ellie, or my family. She visited and stuff, kept me occupied, but the gang spent a lot of time at my place, occasionally rotating. It was nice, I didn’t want to be alone. I love being alone, but I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts then.”

Harry leaned against the window, eyes falling to the floor. Y/N continued to stand where she had, watching Harry carefully.

“We had been together for a year and some then. We hadn’t really fought much, I don’t really like confrontation, it makes me very uncomfortable, so I usually just let her say what she wanted to say if she was annoyed with me and didn’t bother arguing. Fatima kept telling me how unfair it was on her and our relationship, and also on myself, that I never really stood up for myself when we fought. It’s, like… I wanted it to work out so much that I wanted to ignore the things that didn’t. I didn’t want to do something that might cause us to break up.” He sighed heavily. “We were good for each other, we did have some good times, and she was my first ever proper girlfriend that broke my heart, but… but these last few weeks I’ve come to realise that she never really wanted what was best for me the way all my mates did.”

Y/N wanted to walk over to him and hug him. She wanted to console him; tell him she was there if he needed anything.

“I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about that part of my life, you know? I’m aware that breaking up with someone ‘cause they’re bad for your mental health is valid, but what she did really affected me. It made the grieving process worse. I had never really felt truly alone till then.” He furrowed his brows some. “I didn’t have dad; I didn’t have Emilia… I knew I had my mates, but… Emilia and dad meant so much to me, losing them both in such a short period of time… broke me.”

Y/N swallowed a lump in her throat, hoping he couldn’t hear how sad his story made her. “Harry, you don’t have to elaborate if it’s hard for you.”

“No, you deserve to know. Emilia’s back, you’re my… my supposed girlfriend and you… I want you to know.”

Y/N nodded, clutching at the hem of her jumper.

“I know it was a naff move on my part when I went with her to get her that cup, I know I should have understood why you were rightfully upset right away, I know I shouldn’t have been too friendly when she came to Terraland…” Trailing off, he balled his hands into fists at his sides. “The reason why I’ve been so reluctant to push her out of my life is… I know it’s fucking mental; I know I sound right mad, yeah? But… I figured that if she could return, then maybe… then maybe dad…” Harry didn’t finish, but he didn’t have to.

Y/N shook her head as the only thing in the bell room that was audible was the sound of the rain and wind outside, sounding eerie and strong against the top of the lighthouse. “It’s not mental. It’s a very valid and normal reaction to grief, clinging onto the last shred you have of someone, hoping that one day they might come back to you.”

Harry looked at her feet, not ready to meet her eyes yet.

“My dad and I have never been close. I used to love being around him when I was little, I remember associating him with goodness and warmth. He would play with me and make me laugh, do things that my mum hated him for.”

“Like?”

“Throw me in the air, let me jump from a bunk bed and onto the mattress on the floor below, that sort of thing.” Y/N almost smiled at the memory. She hadn’t thought about that in ages. “However, as I grew up, my dad just got colder. He was still nice to me, was still protective and a dad, but he wasn’t the same.”

Y/N could tell by the slight breath Harry inhaled that he wanted to ask what changed but stopped himself. She was grateful he did. She could not go that far just yet.

“But… though it’s not the same as you, I respected my dad’s wishes to stay in Winchester and do as my mum; become a stay-at-home mum who didn’t need education or anything like that. He wanted me to marry well and learn how to be a mum; learn how to be safe at home and mostly indoors at all times.” She furrowed her brows some. “I believed him when he told me I wouldn’t be fit to become a dentist.” She paused for a moment. “You know when you’re scared, and you believe every word your parents say to you ‘cause you don’t know what else to do? They’re older, wiser, got more experience, so of course they know better than you, they know the best thing to do in any given situation.”

Harry nodded slightly.

“Before… Before I came to St Ives, I hadn’t really parted from my family at all. It wasn’t really like I had a choice. They were just always there, and I was expected to be there, too. I was terrified when I left; not only didn’t my parents know I was leaving, but I had just disappointed them in every way possible anyway, so I… I couldn’t stay there.” Her eyes fell on the lamp that yet hadn’t turned on.

Harry cleared his throat, eyes still on the lens in the middle of the room. “Your parents don’t know you’re here?”

“They do now.”

“You told them?”

Y/N felt her heart pick up its speed, she swallowed thickly, continuing to avoid Harry’s eyes. “What I’m trying to get at is that I haven’t, and probably won’t, tell them about the UCAT, or the fact that I’m trying to become a dentist. Part of me wishes that I did, but I know the reaction I’m gonna get… And the other part of me… That part is longing for that loving and warm father to return, the one that helped me fly when I was little.” She leaned against the window. “It’s not the same as you by any means, but it’s-“

“-It’s just as valid, Y/N.”

She shook her head some, looking out at the tall waves below. “You ever get the feeling that, no matter what, you won’t really be good enough, and you settle down with that thought? It’s not this hopeless feeling, but rather you’re just… content with that. You’re average so you’ll get average back.”

“You’re not average.”

She looked over at him, and for what seemed like the first time that day, their eyes met.

“Did your parents make you feel that horrible about yourself?”

Y/N crossed her arms. “In what way?”

“That you were average? Not destined for good things? That you didn’t deserve proper happiness?”

“I was satisfied with life in Winchester.”

“Satisfaction and happiness are two vastly different things.”

It seemed like he wanted to take a step forward but stopped himself, taking a deep breath before settling against the window again. Y/N pushed slightly away from the wall, standing closer to the light.

“It’s like the whole thing with me and Emilia again, innit? There were times when I was happy with her, but I think that’s more to do with the fact that I knew she was there. I could always rely on her. But bottom line is that being with her didn’t bring me instant and constant happiness like-“ He stopped himself, as if remembering there were things he wasn’t supposed to say. “She didn’t make me happy like she should’ve. I was satisfied.”

“Isn’t being at peace good? If someone or something brings you peace, isn’t that good?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders some. “There are different kinds, though. Your life and the people in it should be able to make you feel something, you know? Not being excited to see someone or to be somewhere or to do something, it does nothing. You don’t grow if you’re satisfied ‘cause you’re not moving, you’re not evolving.”

“Being happy isn’t a constant, though. You can’t always be happy, sometimes you’re just… not.”

“How boring would life be if you felt the same way, did the same things, saw the same people every single day? How boring would it be without change?”

Y/N felt herself smiling. “You’re a lighthouse keeper, you do the same things every single day.”

“I don’t, though,” he said. “I might be stuck here in St Ives most of the time, but I never do the same thing every single day. And besides…” He trailed off, biting his bottom lip some. “Besides life’s been anything but ordinary lately.”

Y/N glanced at her arms in front of her. “I… I hated change.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“To a degree,” she said. “I’m happy with the decision I made to leave my old life behind, but now… now I don’t really know what to do. I’m going to apply for University, but what if I’m too old? I’m 25, way older than everyone else there will be, and I… I dunno. I feel like I have to figure myself out all over again now that I don’t have my parents around me anymore, it’s like I don’t know who I am. Once this summer is over and I leave St Ives – ‘cause St Ives, you, and everyone here, are genuinely what’s keeping me together right now – I… I dunno how I’m going to survive. Will I have myself when I don’t even know who I am? Is it too late for me to get a fresh start? Who- Who will be there to help guide me in the right direction if I have no one in my life?”

There was no trace of hesitation as Harry said, voice deep and low, “You’ll always have someone.”

“Will I? I feel lost, Harry.” She blinked a few times, hoping to prevent possible tears from falling. “I’m so lost. Where do I even go from here? I don’t and can’t go back to how life used to be, where do I go?”

“Don’t go.”

She glanced up at him, the lamp beside them suddenly coming to life with a massive blink. Though the suddenness of the light had scared her, Harry’s words had been what got her heart racing. The light blinked in the direction of the sea, the other side from where they stood so Y/N couldn’t see it directly, only the dark back that was facing the mainland. However, she could not care less for the light as Harry stared back at her, right into her eyes, for the first time in what seemed like forever. She felt herself relax at the sight of him, but his words still reverberated through her head, making it spin slightly.

“What?”

“Don’t go,” he repeated, stepping away from the window. “Stay.”

Her arms fell to her sides. “You… You want me to stay in St Ives?”

It took a few seconds, as if he was building up the courage to say something he thought was obvious, but, seemingly, not so obvious to Y/N. “Yes.”

“But I…” She trailed off, blinking a few times as if she were trying to regain composure. “You’ve never said.”

“’Cause I’ve always been afraid of your reaction.”

“My… my reaction?”

“If it would scare you.”

“Why would that scare me?”

“’Cause someone telling you they care for you more than… more than they care for anyone else, and you not feeling the same way… I don’t want to scare you.”

Y/N was sure she had not heard him right. And if she had, she must have misinterpreted his statement, because surely he had not just said what she thought he said. The light blinked its usual pattern, lighting up the darkening bell room as the two just stood staring at one another.

“I thought you only felt like that for Emilia.”

Harry frowned, shaking his head as if what he’d just heard was absurd. “Emilia?”

“Well, then… then that you used to feel like that for her, that you two used to be close. I’ve been jealous of that, after all.”

“You’ve been jealous?” Harry’s eyes were wide, intently staring at Y/N as she continued to explain. “How do you mean?”

“Dunno…” Y/N said, knowing that she probably sounded like an absolute plonker. “You’ve always seemed pretty caught up on her. That you still have feelings for her.”

He studied her, mouth falling shut as he let his eyes scan her face, saying a soft, “I don’t.”

“But- But why do you blush when she’s around, then?”

At the mention of him blushing, a red colour appeared in his cheeks and he glanced away for a few seconds, running his hands through his hair. Y/N could not help a small smile on her lips, biting at the corner of her mouth to stop herself from doing so.

“I get flustered, don’t I? It’s not like I can help it,” Harry explained, gesturing at his face as he took a few steps forward. “She’s my ex, it’s weird being around her.”

“You act so shy, though. Isn’t that how you are around people you’re nervous in front of?”

“I acted like that with you as well, did you notice?”

Y/N felt a breath hitch in her throat, something about Harry admitting this made her entire body hot. Part of her did not believe this could be true, it was just too good, while the other urged her to keep going, see what happened next. She shook her head slightly. “I-I dunno.”

“I was so bloody nervous,” Harry said, chuckling a little to himself. “It was genuinely hard for me to form sentences ‘cause I didn’t want to make a right twit of myself, yeah? I just… I wanted to impress you so bad, but it was so hard.”

She pressed her lips together, heart hammering hard, hands feeling clammy with anticipation.

“I’m not nervous around you anymore, though.”

“You’re not?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I feel safe with you now. I don’t care that I make a fool of myself ‘cause you won’t mind.”

She smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He gestured around him with a soft jerk of his chin. “You’re a light room.”

Y/N wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but stopped herself when their eyes met again. She wanted to walk to him, to be near him.

“It’s like…” Harry started, pausing for a few seconds before he went on. “It’s weird being around someone you thought meant a lot to you and you realise they didn’t. But with you… that’s…” He glanced at the ground again, tugging at the hem of his red jumper. “It’s different.”

She continued to just look at him, afraid that if she said anything he would stop.

“It’s… it’s like I… like-“ He cleared his throat, suddenly blushing uncontrollably, and it was as if he knew how ridiculous he must look because he let out a small laugh. “You were the prettiest woman I’d ever seen and I wanted to impress you, I didn’t want to embarrass myself and have you not want to be around me anymore.”

His eyes fell to her feet, moving up over her bare legs, landing on her tummy as he continued to find the words lost somewhere within him. He took a deep breath.

“I’m not good with words, so explaining how much you mean to me is hard, but I know that I… that you…” He drifted off again, meeting her eyes. “You were the person I wanted to be in the arms of at Terraland, when I was all shaken up ‘cause of that ride, not Emilia, no one else but you. And you’re the only person I want to be in the arms of right now, tomorrow, and probably every single day after that. I like it when you hold me, when you’re around. That’s all I know.” His eyes fell to her lips for a second, meeting her eyes as if he remembered that was forbidden territory. She had said as much. “I like it when we touch, everything seems at once much simpler but also so much more important and grander because of you.”

Biting her bottom lip, Y/N walked closer to Harry, and at the sight, he took two more steps closer as well, meeting right beside the lamp that was still occasionally lighting up the bell tower and the entire coast along with it. Standing right there in front of one another, something that could only resemble magic passed between them and circled around them, drawing them closer to one another. They were meant to be close, meant to be right here, with one another. It was wrong to be anywhere else than with Harry. She didn’t feel as lost when he was here; there was a sense of reason, of purpose, when they were together that was so great to the point of invention, there was no other way of explaining it. This, what was between then, was beyond anything. Limitless, unfathomable, immeasurable; infinite.

“I want to touch you,” Y/N said, her voice almost a whisper as she, once again, glanced at his lips.

“Touch me. Please.”

Slowly and gentler than she had ever been before, she placed her hand to his cheek, thumb stroking over the slight stubble before she slid the tips of her fingers to the back of his jaw and then forth again. He closed his eyes, leaning into her.

“Please, touch me,” he repeated, the breath of his pleading words falling against her hot wrist. “Never stop.”

She studied his face, loving the calming effect she had on him because it matched the one he had on her. Though he made her heart race and had her overthinking everything, he calmed her down and made her feel at peace. Exhilarated her and confused her; overwhelmed her and elated her. He made her feel everything all at once, and Y/N thought at last, wasn't that what love really was? When you felt like the feelings inside your body transcended everything, made you see everything around you in a new light? When it changed your world for the better?

Y/N’s hand slid down Harry’s cheek and his neck, and at the change, he opened his eyes to look at her again. She took another step forward, leading him toward her as her eyes fell to his lips, meeting his eyes as they hovered dangerously close to one another. The light blinked on and Y/N pressed her lips against Harry’s. They melted into each other instantly. Harry placed one of his hands to her neck and the other one to her hip, bringing her closer. She breathed against him, the rest of the world around them disappearing completely as they drew out the kiss.

His tongue traced her bottom lip, making a shiver run up her spine. Gently, she slipped her tongue into his mouth, making sure she did not overwhelm him, that it was okay. He instantly complied, stroking his against hers, swirling his around hers sensually, lighting Y/N on fire. She moaned into him, gripping at the hair at the back of his neck as their mouths opened wider, welcoming more of the other to enter and entrance them completely. She ran her other hand over his chest, wrapping it around him, while Harry’s slid down along her back, stopping just before he reached her bum, squeezing her a little as if he wasn’t mentally ready to go down there just yet tonight. The bell room continued to illuminate up, shining its guiding light out across the ocean, helping sailors home and to their final destinations. However, neither Y/N nor Harry could even remember where they really were as they continued to kiss one another. She felt his moan on her tongue, a slight whimper that he had not been able to hold back as they deepened the kiss. They instantly got more frantic; desperate, harder. She pushed against him more forcefully, wanting to taste and feel all of him.

For an instant, and what felt like for the first time since they had known each other, Harry took control. He pressed her against the bar with the lamp, keeping one hand on her neck, thumb at her chin, and the other on her waist. She gasped at the suddenness, her entire body aflame as Harry kissed along her jaw, tilting her head as to get better access. She could not help the contented sigh that left her lips, pushing him even closer to her, wrapping her left leg around his right one as to ensure he did not step away from her.

He whispered her name against her neck, leaving wet kisses along the skin that was exposed and that he could reach without removing the high neck of her jumper. He kissed the tip of her jaw, sucking lightly, and she could not hold back her whimper. It seemed to have had an effect on him that she herself had not anticipated, yet absolutely adored. Between them, pressed against her tummy, she could feel him. It seemed to have startled him as well, maybe not having anticipated it to happen that quickly, but he kissed along her neck again, seemingly not really caring anymore. He wanted her to know just how much power she held over him. He came back to her face, lips hovering above hers. They panted against one another, not letting each other go as the rain outside picked up, thunder rumbling in the distance, and the light that Y/N was pressed up again kept lighting up the ocean ahead.

“I, uhm…” Harry stared down, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry ‘bout… that.”

Y/N smiled, shaking her head slightly. “Don’t apologise for that.” She brought her leg further up, twining it more around him to bring him closer. As if it was instinctual, Harry reached for her thigh, helping her bring it up to his waist. She let out another sigh, loving how he drew closer to her in the process of yanking her leg up higher. Their eyes met again, and she leaned her forehead against his.

“I thought we agreed on a ‘no kissing rule’,” Harry mumbled, lips brushing against hers as he spoke. “I thought you didn’t want to kiss me.”

“I want to kiss you; I just don’t want it to be part of our fake relationship.”

“This has nothing to do with that.” He moved to kiss her again and spoke against her lips. “I need to ask you, though, before anything more happens.”

She watched him, the sight of him slightly blurry but she did not care.

“There’s… There’s a bed… downstairs if you'd be interested in… you know…”

She smiled.

“In what?”

Harry smiled, giggling a little as he leaned his forehead against hers again. “I don’t want there to be mixed signals, so I’m just… I’m just gonna fucking say it.”

“Say it.”

He gripped her knee tighter. “Do you want to have sex with me? ‘Cause I… I mean, it’s not the sexiest way to go about it, just asking like that, but I… it’s very obvious that I would like- very much like to… you know, if you’d like. I don’t want to-“

She chuckled and Harry stopped talking, smiling at her. “I think asking is very sexy. Mixed signals aren’t sexy.”

“You’re right.”

She leaned in, pressing a light kiss to his lips.

“Flower,” he mumbled, voice rasping ever so slightly, making heat instantly pool between her thighs. “Would you let me make you feel good?”

“Do you think you can?”

Harry met her eyes, a crooked smile coming to his lips. “I’ve had no complaints before.”

“No complaints from Emilia?”

A slight furrow appeared between his brows before it lifted, his smile came back and it got wider. “You really were jealous of her.”

“She got to be close to you.”

“Well,” Harry said, eyes fluttering to her lips. “You’re close to me now. You’re closer to me than anyone’s ever been before.”

Y/N squeezed him closer, biting her lip before she said, “Yes.”

“You… you want to go downstairs?”

“Yes.”

Harry’s smile grew so wide it was hard for him to fight just how giddy he was getting at her words. He stepped away from her, taking her hand in his. They left the blinking bell room, climbing down the ladder, Harry securing the hatch before he turned to face Y/N again. Once they were in the near darkness of that room, they kissed again, desperate to feel one another again. This happened almost on every single floor – pressing each other up against a wall, needy to feel, to taste, to be close – as they could simply not help themselves.

Once they reached the floor, Y/N instantly recognised the door and where they were headed. On her first trip to the lighthouse, she had seen a bed in that room, the door had been half open, but Harry had closed it on their way down. Now, Harry opened it for her, letting her inside. It was tiny. A twin bed stood at the far end, its white sheets made neatly over it, while the desk – which stood perched right under a small window that was being attacked by harsh rain - was filled with photographs of Harry’s family. Him, Amos, Jessa, and Grace. There was a dresser with a vase on top, a bouquet of dead flowers in it that it seemed Harry had forgotten completely about.

Harry closed the door behind them. “This used to be my dad’s room. When it was stormy, he’d stay in here. The door sometimes opens on its own, logically I know it’s just a draught, but…” He shrugged his shoulders and Y/N knew what he meant.

Instead of focusing on that – because they could talk about this in the morning – Y/N said, “Kiss me.”

Harry wasted no time. He marched over to her, pressing his lips hard against hers as he started walking her backwards toward the bed. He let her lay down first, taking her rain boots off before she wiggled up to the top, watching as Harry crawled his way up to her, hovering his lips over hers as to tempt her. She tried to lean up to kiss him since he was taking too long, but he moved further away.

“Twat.”

He chuckled, grinning down at her. “How long do you think you can stand not kissing me?”

She brought her hand up to his neck, bringing him down towards her lips. They kissed again – finally. She felt Harry smile against her lips.

“Needy.”

“You were taking too long.”

“You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”

She wanted to roll her eyes at him, but he was correct. She wrapped her legs around him, bringing his core down onto hers. Harry groaned into her; his erecting cock pressed against her heat. He melted into her instantly, burying his hands in her hair.

“Neither can you,” she whispered back, making Harry let out a breathy chuckle.

“I also just want to make it clear,” he said against her lips. “If anything I do is not working, doesn’t do anything for you, doesn’t feel good, or if you want to try something new, a new position or anything like that, tell me, yeah?”

She smiled, nodding her head as they kept kissing. “Yeah. Same goes for you.”

“Do you have a favourite position?”

Y/N froze a little, thinking to herself and blushing when Harry looked down at her.

“What?” he asked.

“I’ve… only ever really done two.”

“Two… positions?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s fine, did you enjoy them?”

“Yeah, I did. Sex was never really been about enjoyment as much as it was about closeness.”

Harry furrowed his brows. “You should enjoy sex, Y/N.”

“I know, I know. I just… I used to set fire to myself to keep others warm. I realised that was not what I should be doing, which is why I ended up in St Ives. With you. Here.”

Harry leaned down again, pressing a lingering and deep kiss to her lips. “You will enjoy yourself and feel real fucking good tonight, yeah? We’ll find something that works for both of us.”

She smiled. “Time will tell.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’ll feel real fucking good.”

Harry halted a little as he heard that word slip from her lips. He had never heard it before. She felt the effect it had on him against her. “I’ll show you, flower.”

He reached down to the hem of her jumper and the two got it off her, throwing it to the floor before they started kissing again. She wrapped her legs around him again, resting her heels at the top of his bum, urging him closer to her. Slowly and deliberately, Harry grinded against her, revealing them both of a small fraction of pleasure, increasing the anticipation that was building in the air around them. Hard against her most delicate spot. She felt a desperate need to reach for him, to feel him right there, as ready for her as she was for him, but she liked this much better. Feeling him moan against her, the slow waves of his hips as he stroked his growing erection against the heat between her legs that was aching. His promise lingered in the back of her head, making her nipples perk at the thought. You will enjoy yourself and feel real fucking good tonight.

Harry’s hand slipped down the front of her white summer dress, lingering over her breast where he felt her already hard nipple. He squeezed her breast, bringing what he could of the nipple between his index and middle finger, squeezing lightly as he started kissing down her jaw. An uncontrollable moan left her mouth as he kissed her neck, chest, between her covered breasts. She felt hot all over as he kissed his way down, leaving no spot untouched by his swollen lips. He reached her thighs, kissing up her right one, leaving wet spots that got cold in the crisp air of the lightkeeper room.

“Turn over,” he said, sitting up on his knees to make the process easier for her.

She did as he told her to without hesitation. Again, he leaned over her, nose nuzzling her hair as he kissed her exposed shoulder. Each one of the kisses he trailed down her shoulder place, and back felt like a declaration of love; felt like a promise of forever, of safe keeping. Right in that moment, she realised she had never felt more appreciated or more turned on. She felt so seen, so important, as Harry kept kissing her back, sucking on her skin, humming moans of absolute delight into her that made goosebumps appear all over her. He reached for the zipper of her dress, kissing her shoulder before he whispered, “Okay if I undress you?”

“Please.”

Harry unzipped her dress, leaving a lingering kiss to her shoulder as he shoved both the straps off her shoulders. She took them off, letting the dress hang loosely over her breasts. Just because she felt like it, she lifted her arse off the bed, pressing it against Harry’s hard-on. It took him off guard and he gasped a little into her ear, but quickly took a grip around her waist. He pressed down hard on her, parting her bumcheeks as his protruding cock could now be seen, and felt, outside his denim shorts.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he grinded against her. His hands slipped down further, hovering over her centre, laying a slight pressure on her over her dress and knickers that was exactly what Y/N needed right then.

“Harry,” she whimpered, feeling him moan at her utterance.

“Dreamed about you saying my name like that,” he mumbled, kissing her shoulder again. “Sound even fucking better than I could’ve imagined.”

He placed more pressure on her, making her gasp and throw her head back slightly, leaning it against Harry’s beside her. They grinded against one another, absolutely lost in this seductive dance that they would have no problem doing forever. Panting a little, Harry kissed her shoulder again, knowing that they could not go on like that, no matter how much they wanted, because he would surely not be able to handle much of it before finishing. The heat between Y/N’s legs was excruciating, she could barely take it as Harry pulled her dress completely off her, exposing her naked back to him.

“On your knees.”

She did as he demanded, getting on her knees in the bed as Harry positioned himself right behind her. He ran his hands over her wet knickers, wanting to properly feel all of her now that he finally had her there. It sent a lightening up her spine, making her moan as he reached her bud, flicking it slowly. He kissed the outside of her knickers before he ran his tongue over her, the hot wetness of him on her made her gasp, sweet torture that she both welcomed and hated. Hooking his fingers under the hem of her knickers, he slid them over her bum and down her legs, and. Again, she felt cold as her wet skin was exposed to the chill room they were in, Harry’s ragged breaths didn’t exactly make it better. She whimpered slightly as she felt his breath go from cold to hot, she could feel the heat of his body radiating against her cunt and bum. With help of her hands, she raised, looking over her shoulder at him to see him there, only his eyes visible as he hovered in front of her.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he whispered, planting a kiss to her bum before he went back to the place she had just been. “I’ll make you come, flower.”

“Actions speak louder than words,” she said, panting slightly in anticipation.

Harry smiled at her, she thought she saw a slight wink before he hovered back over her centre. She was about to tell him to just get on with it when she felt his tongue, hot and wet and hard, between her folds. She gasped again, closing her eyes at the impact. He licked up between her folds first, making sure to taste every last bit of her as he had thought about this for so long. He started off with a light pressure on her clit, licking around it, sometimes over it, driving Y/N absolutely insane. He slowly built up the pressure, making sure he did not overwhelm her, staying focused on the clit the entire time. He wrapped his lips around it, sucking lightly, something that made Y/N throw her head back, letting go of a loud moan that had Harry humming into her.

“Yes,” she gasped, fists buried in the white sheets under her.

He let go of her bud, licking up around the clit again, then over it, flicking it quickly while tipping his head to the side. She bit her bottom lip, looking over her shoulder at Harry as he continued to eat her out, eyes closed as if he was eating the feast of his life. Once again, he wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking lightly at first and building his pressure. Whimpering and panting, Y/N kept looking at Harry, the sight of him behind her like that, doing everything in his power to make her feel good – and succeeding – was so bloody hot.

When she had made her way up here today in the rain, she had never in her wildest dream this was where she would end up. On all fours, Harry seated behind her, eating her out. She had thrown away any hope of him even feeling a smudge of what she felt for him, but tonight, up in the light room, everything changed. Everything they said, and how they opened up to one another. She felt quite literally euphoric; static with adoration and completely engrossed in everything he did.

Harry moved up, slipping his tongue inside her hole, hands sliding down her thighs as he penetrated her. She swallowed thickly, biting at her bottom lip before she met his eyes.

“Doesn’t do anything.”

“Hm?” He moved up, eyes wide as he licked around his lips. “My tongue in you?”

“Yeah. Feels like you’re mushing mash into me.”

Harry laughed, resting his forehead against her bum as he shook, she chuckled as well.

“Don’t hold back,” he said.

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m glad you told me, flower.”

“Also,” she said as he started licking her again, she gasped slightly. “Can we switch? I want to watch you properly.”

Harry blinked slowly, smiling at her as he emerged. “Gladly.”

She turned around, placing herself on her back, Harry stopped to take her in, eyes gliding over her naked body in front of him. He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her deeply as he ran his hands over her tits, squeezing them just hard enough before he lowered them and himself. He positioned himself exactly where he’d been, spreading her legs wider for him.

He sucked on her clit again, this time pushing a finger into her. She instantly moaned loudly, burying her hands in his hair. Harry wrapped an arm around her thigh, holding her in place as he continued to lick at her clit, curving his finger ever so slightly as to make her feel the best she possibly could. She squirmed under him, her orgasm coming on much faster in this position than the last, streaming down her legs, her torso, towards the centre between her thighs where Harry was sucking at her most sensitive spot, pounding his finger into her. She tugged at his hair as she could feel it coming on closer.

“Harry,” she moaned and at once he reached up outside her thigh, cupping her breast in his large hand.

He ran a thumb over her nipples as he flicked at her clit, finger still buried inside her, watching as she started moving and panting and whimpering more and more. He moved his finger faster and sucked her bud, which was exactly what Y/N needed, she cried out, moving her hips with Harry’s fingers. He squeezed her breast, and she met his eyes, seeing his dark green eyes under his long lashes, drinking in the sight of her. He suddenly hit a spot that had fires erupt in her lower tummy. Y/N gasped and let out another loud moan, whimpering under Harry as he licked and fucked her through her orgasm. She did not take her eyes off him and he did not look away from her, ordering her to keep watching till she was completely down from her euphoria.

Y/N was sprawled out panting, smiling as Harry came up to hover above her. She took a grip of his neck, kissing him deeply. He tasted of her.

“I’ll go get a condom in the cottage,” he mumbled. “I-If that’s alright with you, of course. We don’t have-“

“-I want to.”

“Alright. Brilliant.” He stumbled as he got up from the bed in a hurry. “I’ll-I’ll be right back, yeah? Don’t move! I’ll-“ He looked over his shoulder as he stood in the open doorway, a huge sigh leaving his lips as his eyes wandered over her naked body. He shook his head slightly, letting out a chuckle of disbelief. “Fuckin’ hell,” he mumbled before running down the stairs and out of the lighthouse.

It did not take long for him to come back, condom in hand and panting as if he’d been sprinting back and forth. He closed the door again, placing the condom on the corner of the desk beside the bed, crawling back over her again.

“Been away from this for too long,” he mumbled, running a hand over her curves. “And your tits are bloody fantastic, by the way.”

She laughed at him, swatting his shoulder as he reached for the hem of his jumper and tee shirt, bringing both over the top of his head and throwing them to the floor.

“I’d been looking forward to doing that,” Y/N said.

“What, undress me?”

“Yes.”

His eyes seemed to darken a bit. “Take off the rest.”

And she did. Keeping eye contact, she reached for the front of his denim shorts, undoing the button and unzipping him. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the slight pressure and caress of her fingers against his anticipating and hard prick seemed to do more to him than she thought it would. She hooked her finger around the band of his shorts and boxers, wiggling them down his hips till they were far enough down for him to do the rest. One hand supporting his weight, he used the other one to help her take his clothes off, but her eyes fell to his cock immediately.

It wasn’t like she had thought of it before. Yes, she might’ve had some dreams and daydreams involving Harry and her doing some very filthy things, but she hadn’t really let herself think about his prick. But there it was, and she felt absolutely giddy with anticipation now. She wanted to have proper sex with him; she wanted it so, so bad.

Harry reached for the condom, tearing it open and putting it on, hand sliding down his shaft and to the pubic hair at the very bottom. Seeing the slight trail from his navel and down to it made her mouth water.

“You alright?” Harry asked, that crooked smile on his lips making Y/N’s cheeks heat up. She was already flustered all over, she did not need him looking at her like that. He knew she had been looking and now he was taking the piss. As usual.

“How do you want me?” he asked, voice husky.

She bit her bottom lip, cocking her head to the side. “I dunno.”

He groaned, hovering closer to her lips. She felt him against her sensitive spot, making her gasp. “What can I have?”

She tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. “I want to be on top.”

That crooked smile came forth again, his dimples deepening. “Yes, ma’am.”

Taking a grip of her waist, he rolled around, making her lay on top of him. His head was on the pillow, right where hers had just been, so Y/N sat up. She took a grip of him, making Harry’s lips part at the impact. He gripped her thighs that were straddling either side of his hips, squeezing her lightly as encouragement. She sat up, bringing him to her, sliding him over the wetness he had caused. He let out a shaky breath, looking to be just as nervous as Y/N felt. She slid down onto him slowly, Harry’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Fuck,” he hissed, and Y/N gasped again.

“Harry,” she said, a little breathless already. “I’ve… I’ve never been on top before.”

He smiled. “That’s fine, here-“ He placed his hands on her hips, urging her to move. She followed his lead, biting her bottom lip hard as her clit rubbed against his pelvic area. “That’s it.”

She continued to grind against him, moving her hips as he was instructing her. Placing her hands on his chest for support, she started moving a little hard, with a little more purpose, Harry’s hands on her thighs a grounding and intense pressure.

“Keep doing that,” he encouraged, letting a moan slip from between his swollen lips. She rolled her hips, loving the filthy sounds they made as the rain kept on crashing against the window. They continued to look into each other’s eyes, not daring to look away as if it would bring them back to reality. Because this was too good to be true. Never before in her life had Y/N felt like this. She felt powerful as she rode Harry, felt a sort of strength in her that had never been present before. It had never been like this with Dominic; it had never been this intense. He hadn’t demanded she order him around, hadn’t been willing or suggested to try new things, hadn’t really done it like this. Harry looked at her as if the world revolved around her alone. As if the centre of the solar system was right here, and he was watching the sun about to eclipse, watching one of the most beautiful and magnificent moments in time. He gripped into her with feverish hands, coming with suggestions every once in a while, always letting her know just how good she was making him feel.

“That’s right,” he moaned as she moved her hips in circles. “Right there. Don’t stop.”

That might just have been the sexiest thing she had ever heard along with his moans. She continued doing exactly what she was doing, feeling her entire body heating up as she could sense her second orgasm that evening. Thinking about it, she wasn’t sure she had ever come twice in one night before. Maybe it was Harry, maybe it was the moment, maybe it was the fact that her and Harry were finally letting their guard down, admitting that there was something else between them besides their fake relationship. People who fake dated each other did not kiss like that, they did not have sex, they did not look at each other like it was all they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. No, this was more than what they had let on. Way more.

Harry sat up, making Y/N fall against his chest as he bent his knees ever so slightly. He placed one hand on her bum and the other on the mattress behind him as to help him move more swiftly. With each stroke over him, Harry thrusted back into her, rubbing at her bud each time and making everything around her seem much more colourful.

“Like that do you?” Harry asked, mouth parted as he panted into her wet lips.

She nodded her head, taking a grip of his shoulders to better move her hips. They moved together, looking into each other’s eyes as the rest of the world disappeared completely around them. The rain, the thunder, the buzzing of the light from upstairs turning on and turning off, it was all tuned out. Harry leaned down, placing one of his hands on her left breast to kneed it seductively. He kissed from her collarbone and down to her breast, sucking and nibbling lightly on her skin as he made his way to her nipple. Sucking it lightly, he looked up at Y/N who was squeezing his shoulders, telling him to keep going. Electricity shot from her tits and down her spine, heating up the fire that was building in her core. He closed his eyes as he sucked and kissed her tits, humming into her and making her moan time and time again. It felt so fucking good. Though she moved a little awkwardly, though they made some sounds together that made both of them laugh and heat up, though they were still trying to figure out what the other liked, this was still the best either had ever had.

As he was closing in on his finish, Harry wrapped both arms around her, bringing her closer to him. They kissed, desperate pleads and whimpers left each of their mouths as everything started setting on fire. Harry moved his hips with her, she tried to continue to move hers along with him, her hips shaking a little with the effort. Harry’s lips parted completely all of a sudden, a furrow appearing between his brows, and she felt it. He twitched against her and she continued to grind her hips, moving him through his orgasm. Looking deep into her eyes, he seemed to completely melt away when she kissed his bottom lip, sighing against him as she herself started getting closer to her second orgasm as well.

“I’ll help you,” Harry said. “I’ll use my hand, if you want?”

“Yes, please.”

He removed his cock from inside her, meeting her eyes as his thumb circled her clit again. Y/N gasped, gripping both sides of Harry’s neck. His lips parted at the pressure, grinning up at her. He brought his other hand forward, slipping his index and ring finger into her while his other thumb continued to flick at her clit. At once she moaned, looking into his eyes as this brought her closer to her climax, fast. She moved with his hand, moaning louder and louder as the fire inside her tummy intensified, feeling even greater than the time before. Harry curled his finger just as he leaned down, sucking on her nipple again, looking up at her through hooded eyes.

Everything exploded and she threw her head back, unable to stop herself. The sound of Harry pounding into her at a fast speed, wet and filthy, echoed through the room with her exclamation of euphoria. Harry continued till she was completely done, watching her as she closed her eyes, breathing heavily above him. Gently, he removed his fingers from inside her, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them clean just as she opened her eyes again.

Y/N felt at peace. Her heart was still thundering away inside her chest, her soul was still intermingled with Harry’s, and they would not let go of one another. They didn’t need that lamp, they didn’t need a lighthouse, they could light up everything on their own. She was sure that at some point tonight, while their bodies grinded together and worked toward climax, they had lit up like the sun. What was going on between them, the cellular reaction, the emotional connection, the physical attraction, it all equated to something. It had to. What this was, was greater than either of them individually. This would forever be marked on their souls. Meeting Harry, spending this summer with him, it had shaped her into a brand-new person. That was, Y/N reminded herself, what love was all about after all. Change for the better.

Harry got a cloth not long after, helping clean Y/N up before they both slipped under the duvet in the lightkeeper room, squished together as the bed was way smaller than what they were used to. Harry ran his hand from Y/N’s cheek and up to her shoulder, his eyes following his hand’s movement.

“I fucking worship you, Y/N,” Harry mumbled, the rain still pouring outside. He caressed his fingers gently over her jawline.

She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. They both closed their eyes and Y/N felt sleep coming closer. She felt so incredibly content, cuddled up to Harry and with the storm raging outside. A couple a seconds away from falling asleep, Harry started whispering against her forehead.

“Play fair with my heart, yeah?” It seemed like he thought she was asleep. That it was safe to say this. “’Cause I’m gonna fall in love with you. You don’t have to love me back, but I’m telling you now, ‘cause it’s inevitable, at one point, I’ll love you. Madly, truly, completely. Just… please… break my heart gently.”

Before she was able to form any sort of reply, she fell asleep.

A/N: If you wonder what the melody Harry wrote for that day spent in St Austell with Y/N and Gracie sounds like, I imagine it goes something like this 🥰

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 25 October, 9PM GMT!

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A HUGE thank you to my amazing and beautiful beta readers! 🌊 @aileenacoustic​​​ 🌊 @bopbopstyles​​​ 🌊 @fromyourstrulyh​​​ 🌊 @harrys-shrooms 🌊 @honeydearly​ 🌊 @summerfeelng 🌊 @watermelonsuger​​​​ 🌊  @withallthelove-a​​​​ 🌊

[adezahnae]

Family Affair (Part 4)

A/N: Hi! I have to say that this is the last part for Family Affair🥺 I know it’s sad knowing that he is in the military now and I’m ending this series😭 there will be another one of him soon💕💕 enjoyyy!!

Warnings: None, betrayal, secrets are revealed, cursing, angst, etc..

Tagged People: @ahgasearmyfan @whoreforshuaaa @wooya1224

Wedding Day...

Your POV

I breathed out as I was in my hotel room and fixing my dress. I put the flower pin in my hair and grabbed the bouquet of flowers I have to hold. I looked in the mirror at my outfit and lightly smiled. I ran my hand over my stomach and giggled a little.

I heard a knock at the door and I went to see who it was. I opened the door and seen that it was Baekhyun. I opened the door and pulled him inside. He smiled and kissed me on the lips. “Good Morning my love.” He said. I smiled. “Good Morning.” I said back.

He kneeled down to my stomach and placed a kiss on it. “Good Morning my baby..” He mumbled. I giggled. He stood back up. “How do you feel?” He asked. “I’m fine! I’m just hungry..” I said. He laughed. “It’s only the baby. You barely like to eat in the mornings.” He said. “Can I get McDonalds? I want some nuggets..” I pouted.

He shook his head with a smile. “Sure. We got about 30 minutes until the wedding starts.” He said pulling out his keys. We walked downstairs from the hotel and went to his car. When I got in, I seen all of his stuff in suit cases and in boxes. “Wow.. you’re serious about this aren’t you?” I asked. “Yeah, I can’t live with our parents forever.” He laughed. I lightly laughed and looked out the window.

He placed a hand on my thigh in a comforting manner and kissed me. “Like I said..I got us..” He whispered. I nodded. “Okay.” I said. He smiled and started the car, pulling off. We drove down to McDonalds and went in the drive through for my nuggets. We drove out the line and made our way to the wedding set which was at a church near a river so when they leave, they are got on a cruise for their honeymoon. There was slow drivers and Baekhyun was getting impatient.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Could you all hurry the fuck up!?” He exclaimed beeping the horn. I giggled and stuffed a nugget in his mouth. “Calm down baby..” I said. He smiled and ate the nugget. “Okay. I’m sorry.” He said. We finally made it there with five minutes left to spare. We got out of the car and went inside. “Give me these.” He said taking the box of nuggets from me. I pouted. “But there’s only three left.” I said stomping my feet. “You can ear them later..” He said. “No, NOW!” I said. “Okay okay! Fine...” He said. I grabbed the last three nuggets and ate them. I took my lip gloss and mirror out of my purse and put it on.

As I was fixing the rest of my makeup, I felt something go around my neck and a gold shine. I looked in the reflection of the mirror and seen Baekhyun behind me, putting my necklace on. I gasped and turned around. “It complements the white dress.” He mumbled. I smiled and kissed him on his lips. “Thank you, Baek.” I said. He smiled and took my hand and gave me the bouquet of flowers I had to hold. “Let’s go.” He said as we walked into the church.

The wedding music began to play as my grandfather and my mom walked down the aisle. She had the brightest smile on her face and returned when she looked at me. I shed a tear of happiness and looked over at Baekhyun. He smiled as well.

My mom was now at the altar and Mr. Byun helped her up the stairs. He pulled the veil away from her face and smiled. The priest began. “Friends and family, we are all gathered here today to welcome these two beautiful creatures as one. Today Byun and Kim with come together as one. We all want to say a prayer over these two people here. Everyone please bow your heads.” The priest began to prey over the family and my mom and Mr. Byun.

Afterwards the preyer was done and they began to say their wedding vows. After the long wedding vows, it was time for the ‘I Do’ part. Me and Baekhyun walked up to our parents with the rings and waited. “Now, Carrie Kim, do you take this man to be your lovely wedded husband?” The priest asked. She shed a tear. “I do..” She said. “And do you take her as your lovely wedded wife?” He asked Mr. Byun. “I do..” he replied.

They took the rings and put them on one another’s fingers. “I pronounced you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The Priest said. Just when they were about to lean in and kiss, everyone in church gasped and exclaimed. “WHAT IS THIS?!” A lady yelled. Just then I heard moans..my moans... “Baekhyun, fuck!” I heard myself say. I heard him groan. I looked up at the projector to see me and Baekhyun having sex in the bathroom at the engagement party. I gasped and covered my mouth.

“ITS THEM TWO!! THE DAUGHTER AND THE SON!!” A lady yelled. Our parents turned to us in shock and looked at the projector as well. “WHAT THE HELL?!” My mom yelled. I looked at her with tear stained eyes. “Mom, please..” I said. “WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO HUH?! ARE YOU BOTH SICK?!” She yelled. I began to cry. “MOM IM SORRY!!” I said.

She came up to be a landed a smack to my face. I gasped and everyone stopped. “You dare to do this to me?! How dare you sleep around with your brother?! You are terrible! A whore!” She yelled at me. “THIS BOY IS TWENTY YEARS OLD! YOU ARE SEVENTEEN!! HOW DARE YOU SLEEP WITH A MAN LIKE THIS HUH?! YOU KNOW HE’S GOING TO PRISON RIGHT?!” She yelled. I gasped and grabbed onto her dress. “Mom please! Don’t send him away! I-I need him!” I cried harshly. “FOR WHAT?! SEX?! TRY AND GET THAT WHEN I SEND HIM AWAY!” She yelled turning away from me.

“NO MOM!! IM PREGNANT!!” I yelled. “WHAT?!” She yelled. I nodded. “I’m sorry mommy please!!” She scoffed and began to cry. “Why would you do this to me huh? Why would you go and get pregnant by a 20 year old man?!” She asked. “You put a baby in this girl, Baek?!” Mr. Byun asked. “Yes I did.” He admitted. His dad turned away from him. “SHAMEFUL!! BOTH OF YOU ARE SHAMFUL!” He yelled. I cried on the floor, shaking of fear.

Baekhyun came up behind me. “Come here baby..” He said. “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!” My mom yelled. Baekhyun ignored her and helped me up anyways. “Who could have done such a thing? Who put this in the photo arrangements?!” The wedding planner exclaimed. “Shut the hell up Mary. I’m sick of your shit.” Baekhyun said. Everyone gasped. “WATCH YOUR MOUTH!” Mr. Byun said. “What?! How dare you talk back to me?!” Mary exclaimed walking up to Baekhyun. “You and your whore must’ve did this..” She gritted.

“As in whore, you mean yourself?” He asked. “What?!” She exclaimed. “I put a little video in there myself if you pay attention..” Baekhyun smirked. Everyone looked up at the projector again and seen Mary and my mom. “I need to go...” I heard my mom say, drugged. “Shh..let me do all the work..” Mary said as she leaned my mom back. My mom tried to push Mary off of her but she passed out and Mary smirked. She undressed my mom and began to kiss on her body. She took my mom’s shorts and shirt off and began to have her way with her, pulling down her underwear and her bra straps.

I gasped and looked at Mary. She was astonished and frozen. “And another about our little video, Y/n is 18, not 17.” Baekhyun said. Mary looked at him. “The time was 12:14 at midnight when we went inside the bathroom. The day after the engagement party was her birthday. So technically she wasn’t underaged when he had sex. So I CAN’T go to prison if she allowed it and was of age.” Baekhyun explained while he turned my mom. “You on the other hand can go because you drugged Ms. Kim and forced yourself on her.” Baekhyun smirked.

“Why did you do this?” My mom asked. “Because she wanted my dad to call off the wedding and you could go to her. Poor and terrible move Mary.” Baekhyun shrugged. My mom walked up to Mary and punched her in the face. “Rot in hell you evil bitch..” She growled. The police picked up Mary to take her out. She grabbed a gun from the officer and began to shoot. Baekhyun pulled me down and covered over me. The police dragged her out as she screamed. I began to cry of fear. “Shhh it’s okay..” He whispered. I turned back to see my mom and Mr. Byun just fine.

We stood up and was rushed out of the church. We got outside and watched the police put Mary in the police car. I hugged Baekhyun and cried. “It’s all over..It’s over.” He mumbled as he held me close. I looked up at him and he smiled. “It’s all over..” He repeated to me. “I got you..” He said. I nodded and hugged him again.

“Let’s go back home and we can get your things..” He said. “Okay.” I said. As we were walking off, I heard my mom call me. “Y/N! DON’T YOU LEAVE WITH THIS MAN!!” She said. I shook my head and got in the car slamming the door behind me. He started the car and pulled off. The care ride was silent. “How did you know that?” “What?” He replied. “That she..drugged my mom..” I said. He smirked.

“She’s not the only one who’s sneaky. I put a secret camera in her living room when we visited her that one time.” He said. I laughed. “What a smart boy...But what about the company? Since your dad knows about us, won’t he keep it?” I asked. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “He already signed it away to me. It belongs to me now. He can’t get it back unless I give it back.” He said. I nodded.

We made it to our house and I began to pack the rest of my clothes. He helped me with the things in the car and we left. “Where are we going now?” I asked putting on my seatbelt. He smiled. “Home.” I smiled and leaned over and kissed him. The drive there was 30 minutes and I fell asleep. He woke me when we arrived. “We’re here..” He said. I smiled and jumped out the car. He laughed and helped me with my bags. We went inside the complex and made it to an elevator. He hit the top floor. I gasped. “The sixth floor?!” I exclaimed. He hummed. I squealed and kissed him.

He walked me down the halls and pulled out the keys. He opened the door and I gasped. “Baekhyun...this is beautiful..” I said. I seen that it already had furniture in the living room and everywhere else. I walked down the hall to our bedroom to see a king sized bed. He sat our bags down and smiled as I ran to the bed and snuggled into it. “Is it great?” He asked. I got up and hugged him. “Perfect..” I whispered.

🎀9 months later...12:35pm🎀

Our babies cooed in our arms. “They both look like you..” I said. Baekhyun smiled. “My beautiful girls...” He hummed as he kissed their forehead. They began to open their eyes and smile a little. “Hi Bella! Hi Belen!” Baekhyun gasped while smiling at them. He picked up Belen and held her close along with Bella. “Daddy loves you girls.” He whispered softly. “And I love you too Y/N, don’t forget that.” He said. He laid them back down on my chest and watched them sleep again. “Is it great?” I asked Baekhyun. He smiled and kissed my forehead. “Perfect..” He whispered.

[kiwibirbs-library]

So, we all know deep down that Todoroki is touched starved asf, but what if he had a s/o with an absorption quirk? And he couldn’t touch them without their quirk activating (since it’s always active). How would he deal with not being able to touch his s/o!? thank you so much!!

Oh my- OH MY GOD DONT MAKE ME FREAKING CRY 😭😭😭😢 ok ok hold on ahhh

This made me smile and cry inside so ya anyways this is actually really interesting so I hope you enjoyyy❤️

Pairing: todoroki x g/n reader

Warning: so this is agnst to fluff but like not real angst sooo (also did this on my phone and it’s not read through very well)

Shoto always thought he was fine without any physical attention

He never got any really as a kid so why did that need to change

He was fine as is

Then he got a s/o

He insight on touch went 🧍🚶bye

And was replaced by how much he wanted you to pet him

Like seriously this boy would subconsciously scoot closer to you without actually touching you

He honestly what confused at first by how much he actually wanted to hold you hand

He didn’t care for like a week then Mina brought up how you do that with people you like and just

Light switch

On

“I wanna do that too can I”

“No sho I’m sorry I don’t want my new boyfriend to die”

“Ok but like what if I don’t”

“Sho...”

And that’s when it started

The game of how close can I get without getting a warning

He made it to the point his hand almost got to brush yours before you had to side glance him

It hurt you so much to do it but seriously

You didn’t want him to go poof and not be there anymore

So as much as you hated it you did it anyways

Of course there were times that you thought he had snapped

I mean

There was one time he showed up to your dorm in a hazmat suit

Just to hug you

Like bruh

You had to explain that it would work and it would get absorbed with him

He got so sad

Eventually they were able to make you a pair of gloves that canceled out your quirk (kinda like shiggs gloves)

He was so happy

Like he was still 😐 but inside he was allllll

❤️😭😏💋💋💋😏❤️😫💋❤️ idk

Anywayssss

You pet his head and ruffle his hair a lot

He is always holding your hand with those gloves

They are his savior

When you all get older and you finally are able to learn you to shut it off for a bit he is always on you

Yes out in public he’s subtle about it

A hand hold here

A hand on your lower back there

In private thoughhh ohhhhh nahhh

He is your weighted blanked that will never leave

Like you know how people say a storm of kisses

When I say a storm of kisses randomly

I freaking mean it

It is semi rare but still

Not to mention when ever you just run your hands over him

He melts

Melts

And you having that kind of quirk are pretty touch starved yourself so like

You’re not any better so

A lot of people comment how cute it is watching the two of you and how your always slightly touching

You really don’t have the heart to say that you had to shut him down everytime he trued anything for almost a year and a half

But that’s ok

It’ll make a good story for the two of you later

a/n: OMG THIS WAS MY FIRST ASK ok I need to breath. Sorry I got so excited opening this. Also I think I might have gone a bit ooc with him but I still hope you liked anon!!👁3👁❤️

[ranposlittle]

Hi! I can’t see anything that says requests are closed but I’m sorry if I’m mistaken! Could you do a Dazai and (female) reader smut with lots of dirty talk and foreplay? I can’t find anything that really suits my... style of horny... I like when he’s kinda possessive and dominate so yeah... sorry if this is too detailed or just straight up weird 😖 and I have no sense of dignity so I’m not even going to do this anonymously lmao

Genre: NSFW

Tags: First time together, Dirty talking, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Foreplay

{ A/N: I gotcha, misty-mochiii~ 😉 haha I'm sorry, I know this is long overdue! I hope you can forgive me. I hope the foreplay and dirty talking is up to your liking~ my skills in the dirty talking department is really questionable so I hope it didn't reflected on my work very much haha! Anyway, feel free to request again! Thank you for your endless support! Enjoyyy! 💗🥰 }

˚ * . ⊹ • ꒰꒱ • ⊹. * ˚

The warmth of Dazai’s hand on yours battles the cold wind of this fateful evening but it's nothing compared to the coldness of your sweating palm. The street you are strutting down on is dim but perfectly alive and busy regardless of the hour. Neon signs flash everywhere, tantalizing promises are written on them for every lovers passing by.

Your throat is dry and your head is pounding from the sound of your own heartbeat. Despite being in this part of the city before, it’s the first time to share a night with the man who’s holding you right now. Expectations failed to form and any attempt to think of one quickly bubbles up and evaporates out of your mind.

Dazai looked back and flashed you a familiar comforting smile and you smiled back, but the concern on your crooked eyebrows is not easy to hide.

Finally, you stopped at the love hotel by the end of the street. Your knees shook slightly as you step inside and the banging of your heart just became louder once a room key was dropped on Dazai’s hand. The whirring of the elevator and the footsteps you took towards your assigned room drowned out of your head. You’re nervous, excited. Feelings stirred and clashed with each second passed.

The click of the door as it opened pulled you back on earth. The room smelled of flowers and the air conditioning hummed softly in the background. Dazai walked in nonchalantly while you tremble. He guided you on to the bed, the soft hues of colorful lights almost making you dizzy. He sat down beside you, caressing your flushed cheek with one hand.

“You’re scared, aren’t you?” He asked in a hushed voice while your own is stuck somewhere inside your sandy throat.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? Or have I read your signals all wrong?” Dazai spoke as he leaned forward to place a kiss at the tip of your nose. 

You gathered your thoughts together to reply hastily in fear of the possibility that you might never get this opportunity again.

“No, I-” you drew a deep breath. “This is what I want. I want this.”

He hummed. “Good. I thought I had to stop when I’m already so hungry for you.”

You restrained a yip when Dazai pushed your body down the springy mattress. Not a second was wasted as he claimed control over you in an instant, pressing your wrists down while his lips ravaged yours.

Months of teasing and sexual tension between the two of you snapped in a blink of time. The fire that has been burning in the furnace of your core, now blazing brightly as it consumes the entirety of your being. You can barely feel the cold air circulating the room from Dazai’s hot breath fanning on your neck as he liberally taste every spot he could latch on. One of his hand eventually reached down to palm the building arousal on your sex, letting out your first loud moan of the night.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Dazai chuckled. His husky voice making its way to the inner corners of your ear. “Was I being too fast? That won’t do. This is our first night. I ought to do it right, don’t you think?”

A pleading look on your eyes was your only response.

“Don’t worry, my darling.” His lips made its way down on your neck once again. “I will kiss every inch of you before I fuck you.”

The sentence made you clenched. Your flesh ached more for him. Your skin turned paper thin, responding eagerly to every feathery touch.

“You wouldn’t mind if I remove your shirt now, would you? It’s in my way.” He threw you a smirk. There, you were left speechless. Only managing to watch as his fingers hooked and pushed your shirt up.

His hands stopped on the underside of your breasts. The cold breeze started to infect your exposed stomach before Dazai's sloppy kisses awoke the butterflies resting within.

Your head planted down on the soft pillow underneath you from the unexpected sensation. His tongue dragged its way up to the valley of your breasts, teasingly pulled your shirt completely off of you and ogled the dark lingerie you have underneath.

"You wore this especially for me, huh?" He asked, gently palming the thin lace covering, thumbs brushing innocently on your perked up nubs. "How thoughtful of you. And because of that, I'll be kind in return by not ripping them off."

True to his words, Dazai just pushed the fabric aside to come in skin to skin contact with your breasts. He kept his lustful gaze locked on yours as he went down and licked one of your nipples.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been wanting to do this?" An almost innocent smile was drawn on his lips as he continued. "I've always wondered what you're hiding under those clothes and I'm truly not disappointed. Such nice pair of tits you got here."

Dazai chuckled lightly, proceeding to knead and suck on your breasts, moving from one to another without a moment of pause. Your moans joined in with his, your head spinning from the sensation he keeps on building up inside of you. Dazai's hand found its way past your skirt and down to your underwear, running his middle finger up and down your slit.

"What's this? You're this wet already? Do you like getting your tits sucked this much?" Dazai asked rhetorically. Of course, you like it. No, you love it. Especially that it's him who's doing it to you. "What an erotic woman. I bet you already want my finger inside you, don't you?"

"Yes," you whispered. "I do. Please, I'm so wet, I might die if you don't do something about it now. Like, right now."

An amused laugh left Dazai. "Well, how can I say no to that?"

He shifted his hand from its current spot to slip underneath your panties. You inhaled sharply as his fingers slithered their way into your core, where everything is just slick and soaked.

"Besides," he added. "Good girls who knows how to ask get what they want."

A finger promptly entered you as you scream in delight. You peeped open your eyes to see Dazai devilishly watching you writhe beneath him as he fiddled with you like a toy.

"You're so tight down here. Seems like you haven't had a cock in you for a while now, hmm?"

You nodded weakly.

"Good thing I planned to use mine on you tonight, then. Such a tight pussy deserves to be stretched out every once in awhile, don't you agree?"

Another weak nod.

"And would you like me to do that for you? Do you want my cock inside you?"

This time, a much more enthusiastic nod.

"Hmm, and do you think you can handle it? Once I put it in, there's no way I'm going to stop fucking you. Think you can do it?"

"Yes," you gasped. "Oh, yes. God, yes. That's exactly what I want."

"That's the spirit," he smiled. "In that case, let's put one more."

Along came another scream from you. Your walls burned and stinged from the stretch but Dazai's fingers aren't faltering from driving in and out of you.

"And another one."

A third finger was carelessly shoved and your eyes shot wide open. You grabbed on to Dazai's shirt, hoping to keep yourself steady from the merciless assault. Through your dazed mind, you can hear nothing but your own trembling moans and the squelching sounds from your own sex. One more push and your climax came unraveling like yarn on Dazai's hand. Your face was nuzzled on his chest as your body spasmed and shook uncontrollably. It ended as soon as it started and you were left weak, holding on to him for dear life. His chest quaked from a dark snicker.

"Look how wet you are," he said, holding up the three fingers that from your frenzy, you didn't even noticed he's pulled out. "My fingers are totally soaked, they almost pruned. Amazing."

"Let me grab a tissue for you," you offered but Dazai was quick to pin you back down.

"Don't you even think that I'm already done with you, my darling. The night is still young," he uttered with a honeyed voice. "And since I've been good, I think it's time you let me have a taste of you."

"Dazai, wait! I'm still sensitive down there!"

The thought of being stimulated after such an orgasm was arousing, but also terrifying. Dazai paid no heed, just smirking before wetting his lips.

Any of your further protests fell on deaf ears as Dazai continued to pull your panties off before spreading your legs apart. You gulped thickly as he once more locked eyes with you, placing his hold on your thighs and gently licked you up. You legs trembled and your head fell backwards, the warmth and softness of Dazai's tongue was already bringing you another piece of paradise.

"Your pussy tastes so sweet," he commented in between the busyness of his mouth.

Fireworks seemed to crackle and pop all at once in the back of your eyelids when Dazai's mouth enclosed on your clit and the fast sucking motion sent your mind floating on the milky way. He moaned against your flesh as you grab a fistful of his hair and your hips bucked up, inadvertently burying his face deeper into you. Dazai's tongue was reaching places nobody has ever done before and it was when that the tip of his tongue probed your entrance, that got you crying out his name like a hopeless prayer towards the heavens. He suckled and slurped on your sore flesh until your legs quivered and your head went numb. You let yourself absolutely lost on the explosion of sensations below you when Dazai all of a sudden stopped to hover above you. The next thing you know, you're tasting yourself on his lips.

"You look so good spread open like this just for me," he said. "Would you prefer coming on my tongue or on my cock this time?"

There was a skip on your racing heartbeat as you hear the offer you've been waiting for all night. Despite your trembling jaws, you mustered what's left of your coarse voice and answered: "Your cock. Please."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Dazai smirked as he reached down to fumble with his pants. "Your moans turned me on so much. I might just come right when I enter you."

A gleeful laugh was in contrast of his voice– dark and husky in desire. Dazai made his point as you feel his rock hard erection rubbing on you clit. You gasped and he groaned; both of your bodies tingling in anticipation.

"Just look at what you did to me." He kept grinding on you and you can practically feel the excited twitches of his cock. "At this rate, I don't think I can hold myself back anymore."

With one calculated push of his hips, the swollen head of his cock slipped inside you. A long drawn out moan vibrated on your vocal chords as Dazai pushed the rest of his length within you, fanning the flames of your desire to its fullest extent. Your muscles stretched and clenched as he fills you up. Breathless whispers of how good you're making him feel drifted around your floating thoughts. Time seemingly slowed down, pleasure taking over and nothing mattered but the throbbing of your arousal against his.

"I'll make sure that after I'm done, you'll crave for my cock and my cock only."

One rough thrust started the rally of his animalistic pace. Your nails digged deep into his bandaged arm like you're holding on at the edge of a cliff. Guttural moans timed with every forceful push of his hips; he's aiming to make a mess out of you.

"After tonight, you won't be able to cum with anyone else than me," said a raspy whisper on your ear as slender fingers pressed on your hips, keeping you in place despite the unkind slapping of his skin on yours.

"You'll think of me even if you're with another man," he continued. "Everytime you touch yourself, every fantasy, every wet dream– you'll always think of me. Because no other man got a cock that feels this good on your little pussy, am I right?"

Stuttering curses, you answered. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes."

It greatly amused him. How helpless yet so lovely you look right now, sobbing and crying just from the way he pounds you. So, he decided to give you more. He promised himself that he'll wreck you in the most pleasant way, and he will accomplish that mission.

His cock plunged deep within your canal, the tip kissing the opening of your cervix. There was a change in his pace, hips bucking tightly, reaching a bundle of nerves that made you see the entire universe in a flash. Everything is getting all too much for you to come up with anything creative to say other than his name, some pleas for mercy and broken curses. But with utter cruelty, Dazai's lips connected with your nipple once again, sucking sharply and letting it loll around his tongue. With an arched back and legs locked around his waist, you screamed out your pleasure. You're now somewhere in the ether, riding a cloud between your legs. You've never been this high before but your body's still asking for more.

"Can I cum in you?" He whispered. He can see how much you're out of it so he continued, leaning closer. "I want to see my cum spilling out of you and right now, I'm ready to dump it all inside of you. You'd like that, don't you?"

An absent-minded hum of approval was all Dazai needed to straighten himself up, sling your legs over his shoulders and use you as he desired. A rough thrust after another, until you're shaking, warm muscles convulsing against his cock, your mouth opened to a big-o, and you were gone. Only throaty groans left your chapped lips, as one bomb sets off another, making waves and pulses all over your sensitized body.

The scene made Dazai beyond ecstatic, pushing his own orgasm to its peak. The composure he worked hard to keep up slipped in an instant. Random pulses of his hips gave it away, and once his semen began spurting out of his cock, he bit down on a soft spot on your calf, masking his low growls.

Dazai bottomed out on you, every stream of his warm cum collected inside your walls. You felt how it streamed down and filled you, a memory that you might save for any lonely nights in the future. You savored the moment of watching Dazai ascended and descended from his high, kissing his bite mark and smiling at you.

His erection was still mighty and solid inside of you despite the obvious exhaustion of the man who wields it. A weight pressed down on your body as he lay on top of you, heaving and panting just as hard.

With the promise of another round after a few moments, you closed your eyes and hoped that you'll wake up with his lips intertwining with yours.

[lady-grace-pens]

Hey! You!

Here’s a little excerpt from my wip for no reason other than to help you keep ignoring the soul crushing realities of daily life as you’re endlessly scrolling, enjoyyy!

— — — — —

“Hey,” he speaks with as much ease as his eyes show. “It’s okay. Today’s over with. Tomorrow will be better.”

My head drifts onto its side. My eyes are locked on my feet. He’s about to say it, I know he is.

“We’ve made it through another year without him, and look at us. We’re still alive.” There it is, his usual feeble attempt at making me feel better every time this happens. I can’t see why he still does it, it absolutely never works. He knows it doesn’t.

“Yes,” I sigh, “but whether we’re living is another question entirely.”

I glance over at Preston and see a sympathetic smile on his face. All I do is sigh.

“You’re a broken record Preston.”

“Well that’s all I have for you tonight I’m afraid.”

“Mm,” I hum, bringing us into a silence once again, this one more comfortable than the last. I’m much more at ease with him here, I’ll admit. I always am. But even now, with both of us content, my mind can’t help but to wonder.

“Say, there’s a question that’s been plaguing my mind recently.”

“Ask me. I could have your answer.”

“I hope you could. Now I know how you deal with grief...”

“Mmhm,” he encourages me to continue, voice humming low, showing a seriousness I haven’t seen in him tonight.

“... and, I know how busy we’ve been lately. But, you seem oddly content. Almost... happy, even. Why is that?”

As I ask that question, I shift my gaze to him. I want to see his face as he answers. All I see first, though, is his head falling to his lap. He then brings it back up in a slow nod and leans back, extending his arms back to support him. His eyes drift to the sea, and he looks like he’s pondering hard about something. His lips part as he searches for the right words.

“Well, I-” he begins, only to pause, then purse his lips shut. He leans forward, folding his arms. His lips part once again, and this time they speak.

“I don't really know, to tell you the truth. I mean, it’s been eight years since then. And to be honest, every year it gets a little easier for me. Don’t get me wrong, it is still hard sometimes, but it’s just... overall it gets a little bit easier for me each year. I hurt less. And all the memories, they - they make me smile now. Genuinely smile, and joy! They bring me a type of joy that’s not laced with sadness! Especially...” only now does he have the courage to meet my eyes. “Especially the memories that you still claim hurt you the most.”

I - I don’t know what to say. I don't even know what to think. There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t seem to swallow, and... and I ache. In my heart there’s a tug, an ache. A tug that aches. It’s almost like... like my heart’s trying to tear at my ribcage, trying to break itself free. But what for? Where does it have to go? I’ve no idea. I’m not even sure if it knows.

Preston continues, once again gazing back at the sea. “So I guess I’ve just, sort of... started to make peace with it over the years.”

My mouth parts, then closes. I’m forced to my lap. My eyes burn, so I shut them. Yet, they... water. I try to blink it away before he can see, if he even has the guts to look at me now anyway. And I-

“Allister,” he calls, and I see his eyes in my peripheral.

“Hm?” I try to sound as apathetic as I possibly can, starting with a simple hum.

“You alright?”

“Yeah I’m - I’m fine,” nevermind the break in my voice there. “Why?”

“Because...” he states matter-of-factly, “you almost started crying.”

“Tch. As if. At least I’m not the one at dinner, crying over a silly little compliment my butler gave me.”

“Please. I’m surprised you didn’t cry, actually.”

“Me? Over that? No way.”

“You’ve cried over dumber things before. We both know you have so don’t even try.”

I dot my eyes at him, hand over my heart, acting offended. “Preston, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Preston gets a smirk as he shakes his head at me. “Asshole.”

“Thank you,” I joke. Then our attention returns to the scene before us.

[randomscaryhumanbeing]

Harm and Care

Enjoyy

I am feeling pretty crap rn. I am writing an angsty story but most likely with fluff at the end, because everyone needs and loves a happy ending. Anyway enough talking (or rather typing) Let's begin!

⚠️TW⚠️

Self harm

Cutting

Angst

Swearing

Platonic LAMP +R(emus)

3rd person PIV

"One last time" he whispers to himself.

He grips the rim of the porcelain sink, trying to steady his hands.

One. Last. Time

Virgil looked back up at the mirror and saw his face.

The bags under his coffee coloured eyes, pale vampire like skin with freckles, usually covered by foundation, dotted around his cheeks and nose. Virgil hissed at the sight. The anxious side reaches for his pocket knife. Again rolling up his sleeves. Already he had done 19 cuts, one for each of his failures today, his "punishment". This last one was for yelling at Roman. The blood was seeping out of the edges and to be completely honest Virgil was beginning to feel a bit faint. He shook that thought away, and steadied the knife.

Slice

The last one was deeper, it stung. Virgil reaches out to turn on the tap and wash his cuts, when a wave washes over him. The emo fell to his knees, slowly loosing conscious.

Deceits POV

I walk up to Virgil's room, I was going to surprise him with a movie night. Filled with his two favourite things snuggles and snacks! I knock on his door, in the special way that I have. All the sides have a different knocking style so most of the time you can tell who it is. No one answers the door, not even a grunt. I jiggle the doorknob and realise it's locked. Panic set in.

"V-Virgil?! Open the door! Right now, please!?"

I felt a bad feeling settle over me.

"Fuck it" I mumble. I kick down the door and since at the thud it makes. I look around the room.

Empty. I glance over at his bathroom and see that it's closed. I ran over and open the door, I shriek. By now all the sides have heard the noise I've been making but I don't care.

There, right in front of me, is Virgil. In a pool of his own blood.

3rd person POV because it's easier

Patton hears a shriek sound from upstairs, he bounds up there and goes into Virgil's room. Then he saw it. Deceit hugging a dying Virgil, sobbing into his chest. Virgil blood leaking from his slit and messed up wrists. Eyes closed. Patton let out a blood curdling scream, which made everyone in the house immediately come running. Logan had to hold Patton back, as he could not control himself. Roman slumped by the door crying into his sash, Remus next to him tears wetting his no longer twitching moustache. Logan usually the most stoic of them all, was shaking form the force of the tears coming out of his eyes. This all happened within 5 minutes. Then Deceits logic set in, he lifted his head up.

"Call 911" his voice was broken, and no longer lying.

Logan released one hand from Patton to take his phone out of his pocket. His fingers pressed the buttons 9-1-1.

Deceit never left Virgil's side in the hospital, even when Remus tried to get him to leave and eat. For a whole week he was like this, Virgil not responding to a single thing Dee did. And today was looking like it wasn't going any differently.

"Hey Virgi. You're hair's getting long. We might have to cut it soon." He laced his fingers with Virgil's, having to move the IV tube out of the way. Patton walked into the room and handed Deceit a cup of coffee. He mumbled a thankyou. As the lying side took a sip from his cup, he squeezed Virgil's hand. To his surprise he felt a squeeze back. Dee looked up from his coffee and saw Virgil's beautiful eyes looking at him.

"Dee?" His voice was coarse. Deceit felt tears of joy in his eyes. Virgil weakly lifted his hand up and soothed Deceits smooth scaled on the left side of his face. Patton jumped up from his seat and ran to his emo sons side.

"Patt." Hearing another voice in the room Logan, Roman and Remus curiously peeked in and saw Virgil with his eyes open, weakly talking to the two sides. All of them stayed by Virgil's side.

"Sorry" Deceit shook his head.

"You're okay, you're breathing, you're awake and talking to us. That's all we wanted" Deceit placed a small kiss on Virgil's forehead. Soothing and loving.

So, I hope you like it??? It's pretty shit. Also changed from present tense to past tense halfway through xp Sorry about that. Enjoyyy

[miraclealignersv]

Sway (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: after being in a relationship for a while, y/n and Bucky realize how much they love each other.

Warnings: fluff

A/N: okay so this came to me in a dream and I woke up crying so now I wrote it and I don’t think I captured the emotion as well as it was in the dream. Anyway enjoyyy.

*

The soft music played through the open space in the venue, it was dark out. The fairy lights that dangled on the trees and across the small dance floor were the only thing that was lighting the space. The guests were leaving, but some stayed behind and danced. Others sat at the tables and drank the fancy wine provided by Tony and Pepper for the toast.

Bucky and y/n were one of the few couples on the dance floor. Slowly swaying, her arms around his shoulders and his hands on her waist. They followed the soft tune, to and fro- slowly. Y/n smiled contently, as if they were the only ones in that moment. As if time stood still and they were the only ones that mattered right then and there. Swaying so closely together, their heart beats belong with the soft hum on the song.

Her eyes and his staring into each other’s, adoration, love and lust intertwined. Bucky felt her shift in his hold, she brought her arms down from his neck and wrapped them around his torso. Her head placed on his chest, her ear pressed right where his head would be. She loved this, all she could hear was his heart beat. The flutter and his breath. Bucky smiled softly as he placed a kiss on the top of her head as they continued to sway.

Y/n closed her eyes and thought about times like these, how she wanted more of this. More time, more moments of stillness where only they mattered with him in the future. She wanted to love him unconditionally, all for herself. As the song switched to another slow tune she glanced up and looked into his eyes before clearing her throat.

“Babe?” She asked, Bucky felt warm inside whenever y/n called him. He responded with a soft hum as they continued to sway, slower this time. He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t know how to word it probably. She struggled a bit but found the courage. “I love you” she whispered, her eyes never leaving his.

Bucky’s face lit up, a smile tugging at his lips with a small chuckle. He had said it multiple times in their relationship, and he waited for her to say the words back. He felt his heart beat quicken, and the only response to her confession was to pull her into a kiss. Their lips met, her soft delicate ones with his. Slowly moving in sync, as he grabbed her face his his hand, and she reached for his arms. She pulled away for some air and smiled waiting for him to say something.

They stayed like that for a minute, standing close to each other in fear either would let go. Their gazed focused on each other, their breathes settling. Bucky saw her smile, he had to do it. He had to ask her what was burning at him. He pulled her into him and lowered his head right where her ear was. Before he did or said anything, all of the memories they had shared together came to him. First date, when they moved in together, losses, pain, laughter, intimate moments. All of that came to mind and how he wanted more of that, for the rest of his life.

They both started to sway again, soon y/n realized that there were less people on the dance floor. She closed her eyes contently as she held him close to her. He let out a shaky sigh and held on to her by the waist, his breath fanning over her ear which sent chills down her spine. She loved this moment, never wanting to let go.

With enough courage Bucky finally gathered the words he wanted to say. There they both stood in the dance floor, swaying. Holding each other so close, neither wanting to let go. What they both felt now, they wanted more in the future.

“Marry me”

[jae-yoonie]

Nothing More - Doyoung (M)

A/N: so like.... this is the first fic i’ve written in a while first of all... so please dont like sh*t on it ok... ima cry jk i wont... but yeahhh... this is also the first one-shot angst ive ever written so like.. i really didn’t know how to end it lmao, maybe i should read more angsts but yeah just a heads up for if you get to the end and youre like wtf is this :)))))))) ok thats all enjoyyy

SCENARIO: For a while you’d been friends with benefits with Doyoung and eventually, you started developing some feelings for him. After a few weeks of emotional torture, you decided it was finally time to let him know.

Pairing: Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst - SEXUAL CONTENT

Word Count: 2,414

You stared up at the blank ceiling above you, dreadfully waiting for the clock to finally hit 5. It was only 3:30, but Doyoung’s practice ended at 5:00 and you were planning to text him and invite him over as soon as he finished.

Today was an important day; you were planning to finally confess to him after being friends with benefits with him for over a year. It was a little nerve wracking considering you were “breaking the rules and conditions” of how friends with benefits works… but you just couldn’t help but develop feeling for him; aside from sex he was actually a really amazing person and it was too difficult for you to overlook. You were just staying hopeful that maybe he had developed some feelings for you too… but until then, you needed to find a way to pass the time. Still having an hour and a half to spare, you decided to just clean up your house so everything was nice and presentable when he finally came over.

“It’s five!” you chimed to yourself, catching a glimpse of the clock just as you finished tidying the last of your things. You reached for your phone as fast as you could, barely even thinking as you typed up your message.

You [5:00 PM]: Hey Doyoung! Can you come over today?

Doyoung [5:01 PM]: Yeah sure! I just finished practice so I’m gonna change and then I’ll head over

You [5:01 PM]: Okay, see you soon!

Doyoung [5:02 PM]: See you!

You could feel your heart pounding while you texted him, the anticipation making you excited but nervous at the same time. Every second dragged as you waited anxiously for his arrival, thoughts about what was about to happen racing through your head. It worried you knowing things may or may not go the way you wanted, but you were staying hopeful… it seemed like he liked you back anyways.

The moment the doorbell rang, you immediately stopped what you were doing and ran to the door, opening it as fast as you could.

“Hey,” you greeted nervously, your heart skipping a beat the moment his eyes met yours.

“Hey,” he replied, a warm smile on his face as he stepped inside.

“How was practice?”

“Other than being tiring, it went really well.”

“That’s good.”

“So… did you miss me?” he smirked, pulling you into him.

“Possibly…” you answered as your gaze fell to the floor, too shy to make eye contact with him.

“Possibly? Well if you don’t need me… I guess I could leave-”

“No!” you yelped, hugging him before he could leave.

“Mhm, that’s what I thought. So where shall we, hm? Your room or are you feeling adventurous today?”

“I was thinking… maybe you’d wanna have a nice shower after practice?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Grabbing him by the hand, you hastily led him to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it once the two of you were inside. Without any hesitation he pressed his lips against yours, his hands sliding past your hips and down to your ass, gently groping it before giving it a firm slap.

“Doyoung…” you whined, a smirk curving onto his lips as he resumed his groping.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it,” he remarked brashly, biting his lip as he smacked your ass again.

“I’m not…” you muttered as you stepped away from him, tugging at his shirt to let him know you wanted it off.

He complied quickly, tossing his shirt aside as his intense gaze demanded you do the same; so you did. It wasn’t long before the rest of your clothes were discarded, the two of you finally stepping into the shower.

As the warm water cascaded over the two of you, he connected your lips once again, his bold hands carelessly exploring every inch of your bare body. The captivating sensation sent chills down your spine, the need to feel him between your legs skyrocketing in only a matter of seconds. It amazed you how easily he could read your mind, his fingers quickly finding your dripping core and teasing it.

“Wet already?” he smirked as he continued toying with your folds.

“I-it’s because of the shower,” you joked in attempt to hide your embarrassment.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow, his fixed gaze unfaltering as he slowly slipped a finger past your entrance, “What about this, hm?”

“... Okay, you win,” you whined, the way his slender finger curled inside of you turning your legs into jelly. Pushing you up against the cold tile wall, he held your hip with one hand to support your weakening body while his other continued to play with you.

“Does it feel good, baby girl?” he mumbled into your neck as he snuck another finger past your lower lips.

“Mhm…” you barely managed to get out whilst struggling to hold back your moans.

Before you had time to even process what was happening, Doyoung dropped down in front of you, slinging one of your legs over his shoulder as he took your swollen clit between his lips. Once you felt his tongue flicking against the sensitive area, you knew you wouldn’t be able to last much longer. Your fingers found their way into his hair instinctively, fisting at the drenched, tangled mess of strands as he continued to push you past your limit. You could feel your body starting to shake as your climax approached, the moans you were trying so hard to hold in effortlessly slipping out in just a matter of seconds. Barely another moment passed when you finally lost it, throwing your head back as his name fell from your lips, an intense feeling of pleasure rushing through your body.

Once you finally came down from your high, Doyoung stood back up to meet your lips, desperately caressing them with his own, his arms finding their way around your waist and pulling you into him. The feeling of his erection pressing against you made you moan, his tongue taking the opportunity to quickly slide past your lips and into your mouth. He swirled it around for a bit before he separated you lips and began to trail kisses from you jaw down the length of your neck, stopping at the base to suck on the thin, delicate skin.

“Doyoung,” you moaned, your hand sliding down to stroke him, “Please?”

“Please what?” he groaned, pulling away so that he could look you in the eyes.

“Please fuck me,” you pleaded.

“I’d love to.”

Wrapping one of your legs around his waist, he guided his member to your entrance, briefly teasing your folds with the tip before slowly easily himself in. You moaned at the pleasantly familiar feeling, his firm length filling you up to the brim, the perfect amount to drive you toward the ecstasy you so desperately seeked. He started with slow, sensual movements, his hips brushing up against yours with every stroke, your arms mindlessly finding their way around his neck.

“Harder,” you groaned breathily, knowing that he was only exerting a small fraction of what he potentially could.

“Already?” he teased, his lips curving into a smirk, “We only just started.”

“Yes, I want it,” you whined.

“Alright, if you insist.”

In just the blink of an eye, he had your wrists pinned and was bucking his hips into you like a wild animal, every snap of his hips hitting the deepest depth in your core. You could barely even breathe as his powerful thrusts continuously pounded you into the wall.

“How’s this?” he grunted, his intense pace not even slowing down for a second.

“So good… don’t stop,” you moaned breathily.

You already felt so close, like you could burst at any second, but you didn’t want it to end; it felt too good. As hard as you tried to contain yourself, it only  worked for a short amount of time before you couldn’t take it anymore, the tangled mess of nerves in your core steadily unravelling to its end. In an instant you were hit with the white hot feeling of pure bliss rushing through your body, a much more intense version of what you’d felt earlier. Burying your face into the crook of his neck, your moans vibrated against his wet skin, your legs unintentionally squeezing his waist as your orgasm finished running its course. He came shortly after you, the feeling of your walls clenching around his girth bringing him to his end, spilling his hot seed into your confines. Weakly, he pulled out, the two of you taking a moment to regain yourselves and catch your breath.

“That was… amazing…” you sighed, the water still running as the two of you stood there, residing in the activities that had just taken place.

“Yes, yes it was,” Doyoung replied in a raspy, exhausted voice, “We should actually shower now though, so that we can hang out after.”

“Okay,” you agreed, forcing yourself to finally move and wash yourself.

The two of you finished up quickly and threw on some comfortable clothes before making your way to the kitchen to cook up something for dinner. Unfortunately, your kitchen didn’t have the biggest variety of groceries to cook up a nice meal, so the two of you just settled for ramen, typical.

As the two of you ate, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach started to reappear, the realization that you should confess soon suddenly hitting you when you got a glimpse of the time. Doyoung would probably be leaving in an hour or so and you definitely didn’t want to miss your chance to tell him.

“Uh, hey, Doyoung?” you started, swallowing thickly as you mentally prepared yourself for what you would say next.

“Yeah?” he replied, turning his full attention to you.

“Um… there’s something I want to tell you… So, as you know, we’ve been friends with benefits for a while and well, it’s been great… but-”

“You want to end it?” he interrupted bluntly.

“No! No… I uh… well sort of… but it's because… I like you.”

For a moment the room was silent, the look on Doyoung’s face showing that he was obviously surprised.

“Oh… I see…” was all he said when he finally spoke up.

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest as you stared at him with pleading eyes, hoping he was going to say what you wanted to hear… but he didn’t.

“So?...” you asked, desperately trying to get something out of him.

“Um…” he started, taking a breath before continuing, “I’ve actually been talking to someone and well… I’m interested in her so I was actually planning to break this off sometime soon… I didn’t know you felt that way about me, I’m sorry.”

Your heart dropped at his words, a lump forming in your throat as your eyes burned, welling with tears. You’d like to think you were prepared for this to happen, knowing that this was one of the possible outcomes of your confession, but being prepared in your head is nothing compared to being prepared in real life. As hard as you tried to stop the tears from falling, you couldn’t, the ache in your heart too unbearable to conceal. You didn’t even know what to say at that point, you were really hoping that it wasn’t going to come down to this.

“Please don’t cry,” Doyoung pleaded, scooting closer to you and trying his best to comfort you, “You’re an amazing person, it’s not like I don’t like you…”

“But you don’t feel the same,” you barely managed to say, turning away from him so he couldn’t see your face, “I think you should leave… I can’t do this.”

Standing up from the couch, you walked straight to your room and shut the door, collapsing onto your bed as soon as soon as you could and for the next hour or so you just cried until you finally fell sleep.

The next morning, you could barely open your eyes, your lids swollen from having cried so much last night. After washing your face, you went downstairs to grab your phone, remembering you’d left it out since you went straight to your room after your incident with Doyoung. Picking it up, you checked the time and discovered that he had sent you a text message; as much as your head told you you didn’t want to read it, your heart still wanted to know what he had to say… so you opened it.

Doyoung [1:27 AM]: Hey, Y/n… I’m really sorry about what happened last night… I really feel bad for not knowing that you liked me and that I should’ve been paying better attention or something… I hope you can forgive me. You’re a really great person and despite our differences I hope you wouldn’t mind being friends still, but if not I completely understand… Once again I’m sorry, I know that friendship isn’t what you wanted from me, but for now it’s all I can give, I hope you understand. Honestly, if things don’t work out with this girl, I’d love to give us a chance if you’re okay with it. You have my number so please don’t be afraid to text or call me and let me know what you think… If possible I’d really like to stay in touch with you. Take your time though, and don’t force yourself to talk to me until you’re ready, I hate to see you upset. Hope you feel better soon!

You could feel your eyes starting to burn again as you read his message, an overwhelming amount of emotions crashing over you at once. It was hard for you to feel happy, but it was also hard for you to feel sad, seeing that he still cared a lot for you and said he would give you a chance if he could… there was a lot to think about for sure, but you were thankful that at least you didn’t end up with the worst case scenario. As tears continued to stream down your face, you reminded yourself that you shouldn’t be too upset about the outcome, considering you did break the number one rule of having a friends with benefits, but you were eternally thankful that Doyoung saved you from complete misery and having to learn your lesson the hard way.

[lunarsaga]

EPISODE 4: A Secret Long Kept

WARNING: THE ART IN THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN BLOOD (as well as an artistic interpretation of demonic possession. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

As a side note, the art in this chapter might be a little mismatched, as it was kind of put together from a couple tiny scenes. (and I didn't wanna redraw/color all of it ^^;) HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR LUNA'S TRAGIC BACKSTORY!! ENJOYYY~

Chapter 5 is already up on my Patreon! Hopefully I'll finish Chapter 6 soon, but my patrons will see it first!

The nightmares were over. Kagome, Miroku, Sango and Shippo were able to overcome Garamaru’s cocoons, and the nightmares he tried to trap them in, and it was all thanks to Inuyasha. As they gathered together, they watched as the Forest of Sorrow disappeared around them.

“Is everyone okay?” Kagome asked as she joined back up with the rest of them.

“We’re all fine now,” Sango answered, but… she was a little unsure. She glanced to the side, and Kagome followed her gaze to her sister, who was standing apart from the rest of them.

“Luna?” Kagome called to her. “You okay?”

“She seems rather distressed by what she saw,” Miroku said.

“I wonder what it was…” Sango uttered.

"I hope she's okay..." Shippo worried.

“Tche,” Inuyasha scoffed. “It’s not like it matters.”

For a second, Luna didn’t answer; she barely registered Kagome and her friends talking behind her. With her back turned to the rest of them, she was zoned out. Hazel-brown eyes stared blankly at the beat up little polaroid photograph in her hand, but her gaze was thousands of miles away, and hundreds of years in the future.

It may as well have been a relic from a different time. In the photo were two blissfully happy teenagers. One, a girl with fluffy black hair that fell in waves just above her shoulders. The other was a boy with strawberry-blonde hair, eyes so blue the sea would be jealous of their sparkle, and cheeks sprayed with freckles. He held the girl in his arms, grinning as his lips hovered close to her temple, ready to press a kiss there.

Kagome turned to Inuyasha, chastising: “Inuyasha! Why would you say that?!”

Defensively, Inuyasha’s volume only increased. “What?! You all had nightmares, if she doesn’t wanna talk about it, then it ain’t our business anyway!”

He's right, the little voice inside Luna's head whispered. It doesn't matter. It's not their burden to bear. Only yours. A burden you'll carry until the day you die...

"I love you, Lu."

You shouldn't have.

"I'll follow you anywhere."

You shouldn't have.

"I trust you... You can do this."

No, I couldn't. And now...

Worried about her sister’s lack of a response, Kagome went over to her, reaching for her shoulder. “Luna…?”

As she heard her sister step up behind her, Luna quickly hid the photo in the pocket of her flannel shirt. “I’m fine, you guys,” She said, loud enough for everyone else to hear. “Don’t worry about it.” She felt a single, solitary tear sliding down her face, and quickly wiped it as she turned back around.

“You’re my sister, Luna,” Kagome said softly, “I’ll always worry about you.”

“I promise it’s fine. Not like I’ve never had nightmares like that before.” Blinking back more tears, she patted her sister on the back and moved back toward the group. “Anyone else ready to get the hell outta here?”

“Forgive me, Luna, but you look like you were crying just now.” Miroku said.

“Must be allergies,” Luna quickly lied, “Never took well to insects, and that cocoon was nasty.”

“No surprise there,” Inuyasha, dense as ever, turned and started leading them away. “C’mon! We can’t waste time going after Naraku.”

Kagome hesitated, then reached out to grab her sister’s hand, holding her back. “Luna, you know you can talk to me, right? You’d tell me if something was bothering you?”

Luna didn’t look at her. “It was just a bad dream, Kags. I have a lot of them—kinda comes with the job.”

Kagome didn’t believe her, but she didn’t have a choice other than to let it go. One of these days, you’ll have to open up, Luna. And I promise I’ll be there for you when you do.

~~~

Luna wasn’t sure where exactly she took a wrong turn, but here she was in the middle of the damn forest, with no way to tell which way was up.

The others had stopped to make camp for the night, but Luna couldn’t get that nightmare out of her head, so she told them she was gonna take a walk to shake it off. It was just a memory, one that played in her head so often she should be used to it by now, but… something was different about it this time.

In all the similar nightmares she’d had before, usually, she had no hands. No mouth. No voice. When she moved, it was like she was moving through jell-o. She saw him—those sea-blue eyes and hair like strawberry honey, freckles like constellations and a smile from Heaven itself—saw him say the things he’d said back then:

“I love you,” He whispered, holding her close as the night sky above them exploded with fireworks. She saw the trails sparkle in his eyes just before he leaned in and they shared their first kiss.

Then, it was months later, as the autumn leaves crunched under her boots and her shotgun felt heavier in her hand. But even as she revealed her secret life—one of monsters and magic and danger—he was unwavering. Resolute. “I’ll follow you anywhere,” he said as he took her hand.

The last part… she couldn’t bear to think about, but this was what changed the most with her new nightmare.

Usually, she just saw him offering her encouragement, even though he was the one bleeding from his eyes: “I trust you… you can do this.” Then, she would scream, but no sound would come out, she’d spiral down into darkness and wake in a cold sweat.

But this time, it was different.

After he’d pledged to follow her anywhere, she was taken back to the place it all ended—a little overgrown shack, hidden out in the woods about half a mile from her house. It was their special place; a secret clubhouse of sorts. Polaroids hung on a string on the wall, and the small tree growing in the corner bore their initials: L.H. + J.D.. Shadows danced on the walls, and she couldn’t see more than three or four feet in every direction.

In her previous dreams, she could never speak or move like she could in the waking world, but this time, she felt almost fully conscious. She stood where she always had, facing him down—the same man. The one she fell in love with.

But it wasn’t him.

His sea-blue eyes had been completely overtaken by pitch black. His hands had been too, like they were made of pure shadow; shadow that curled down his forearms. His teeth were just as she remembered; stained red from choking on his own blood.

“You did this.” It wasn’t his voice. It was the creature that had taken him. “You killed him, little moonchild.”

She couldn’t argue. Her voice would work if she tried, but… even then, as she faced down the most lucid dream she’d had since the incident… she couldn’t speak.

“Nothing to say?” The demon taunted. “The eldest of the Mighty Higurashi family has nothing to say?”

“Shut up!” She’d finally said. She could feel the wetness of tears on her cheeks, but this had still been a dream. They floated around her like there was no gravity. “Is that all you have to say?!”

The demon seemed a little surprised of her response, so she kept going:

“I know! I fucked up! I brought him into a world he should never have been a part of, and I never should have in the first place! I put him in danger and I am the reason why he got killed!” The tears flowed freely, and even within the dream, she could feel her body shake with anger. “You can’t do shit to me, you greasy little fuck—anything you think you can say to me is shit I’ve already said to myself! You can’t hurt me!”

Maybe that was what shattered the dream; she didn’t remember anything after that. But that was never something she would share with anyone else.

No one else had to know about Jack. She was going to take her damning mistake to the grave.

And… now she was lost. Again.

“I gotta find a way to make a medieval GPS tracker or some shit…” she grumbled, cursing herself for having forgotten her compass in her backpack.

But then came a voice, one she recognized.

“Miss Luna!”

Around the bend of a large tree sat the little girl she’d helped out her first night in the Feudal Era; Rin. It’d been, what? A week or two since? And no sign of “Lord Sesshomaru”.

“Hey kid, you get left behind again?”

“This woman again?” That was the little imp Jaken; the somewhat irritating second hand to Rin’s guardian. Luna merely arched an eyebrow at him. At least Rin wasn’t completely alone.

“It’s okay!” Rin assured her, “Lord Sesshomaru will be back! Come and sit with us, I’m glad to see you again!”

“Don’t just invite random humans over!” Jaken protested.

“I don’t think your friend here agrees,” Luna chuckled.

“Don’t worry about Master Jaken!” Rin giggled, much to the chagrin of the tiny demon. “I would like to know more about you!”

Luna glanced away, hazel eyes locked in a thousand-yard stare. “...more about me, huh?”

“Yes,” the little girl nodded. “The last time we met, you said you were Miss Kagome’s older sister… are you a priestess like her?”

Luna chewed her lip, not sure how to answer. Pretty sure I don’t have powers like her... “I don’t think so. I’m more of… a demon slayer, I guess?”

That was only the first of many questions the little girl had for her. Why did she dress so strange? Where was she from? What was it like? Were there demons there too? Luna could barely keep up with answering all these questions.

“You talk way too much, Rin!” Jaken barked at one point. Luna watched the smile on Rin’s face falter, and glared at the little demon. “Hey, leave her be. I don’t mind.” She turned back to Rin, nudging her shoulder. “Why not tell me about you now, huh? How long have you been traveling with these two?”

When Luna had first met Rin, she had no idea that the “Lord Sesshomaru” the girl wanted to return to was actually Inuyasha’s cold, murderous older half-brother Kagome had described. Imagine her confusion when she had to reconcile the “evil, human-hating demon” with the guy this little girl trailed along behind so faithfully.

“Just a little while now!” Rin answered, “But it’s better than living around humans!”

Luna laughed. “You got that right… any reason why?”

“Well… I was alone… My family…” Rin’s face fell—the poor girl looked almost hollowly into the fire, hugging her knees to her chest as she recounted her past: “My parents and brothers… They were killed by bandits, then… after being on my own a while, I was attacked by wolves…”

There wasn’t a full moment of quiet before she perked back up again, grinning at Luna. “But Lord Sesshomaru saved me! And I’ve traveled with him and Master Jaken ever since! That’s why I don’t want to live with humans… humans are awful...”

Luna shrugged, sympathetic. “They can be, yeah. But you feel safe with these two, right?”

Rin nodded, grinning still. “Yes!”

“That’s the most important part.” She reached forward to ruffle the girl’s hair. “I was practically raised by a cat demon, you know.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. She’s protected my father’s family for three generations now—and she is hands down my best friend.”

“I don’t think I have a best friend…” Rin turned to Jaken, “Master Jaken, are we friends?”

“What?!” The little demon shouted, “No way! Why would a demon like me be friends with a human brat like you?!”

“Miss Luna’s best friend is a demon!” The girl pouted, and Luna swore she felt her heart melt.

“I’ll be your friend, kid.” She offered.

Seeing the little angel’s face light up like it did was absolutely everything. “Really?!”

“Yeah, really.” Suddenly, Luna got a weird little feeling in her gut. Like a disturbance in the Force, she joked to herself. Maybe it was just… the start of something bigger, something she wouldn’t know the full consequences of until much later.

“Actually…” She mumbled to herself. The gears turned in her head a little, and she turned back to look at Rin again. “You just gave me an idea.”