#anyway we’re chasing after this dude who has information on my sibling and it turns out he’s Made Of Bugs

[sharkieboi]

made a deal with an aberration thing in DnD tonight and I don’t think either the DM or the other players were expecting my character to accept so that was fun on all fronts

[feralphoenix]

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

sup hollow knight fandom, i’m back with the picante takes again after having Noticed A Thing.

as with my previous essays i’ll put this guy up on dreamwidth later for accessibility purposes, since my layout text may be too small for high-res pc users. i will attach that in a reblog at a later point.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay discusses canon-typical body horror and bodily boundary violations, with some side mentions of colonialism.

all game screencaps are mine. the screencap of the wiki is from the “developer notes” (style guide) section of the “cut content” page.

ALSO: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of this particular part of hollow knight worldbuilding/lore is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

We understand more or less how the Pale King’s plan was supposed to work. Stuff Radiance into a no-thoughts-head-empty and silent Pure Vessel to trap, isolate, and silence her, both putting an end to the Infection and killing her for good. Stick that vessel in the Black Egg, which harnesses Void BS to both keep the vessel alive indefinitely and to cover Hallownest (and its neighbors) in a time-defying stasis so that the Pale King could successfully hoard his favorite shiny FOREVER, threatened by nothing. Then put a seal on the Black Egg to prevent anyone from getting inside and harming said vessel while it’s strung up and helpless. And THEN, put protective seals on the anchors (the Dreamers) to the Black Egg seal to protect them from any external harm: The stasis means the Dreamers won't die of old age or starvation.

All in all, a pretty foolproof plan!

...except that the Dreamers are still vulnerable to having their minds breached with the moths’ magic... and the Pale King failed to take into account that his Pure Vessel was a person actually and the amount of toxic stress his training/upbringing put on them made them REALLY POORLY SUITED FOR THEIR JOB... and also that killing 99% of his million children and turning the Abyss into a landfill for baby corpses would take enough of an emotional toll on his wife and #1 enabler the White Lady that she would walk out on him, ensuring he’d only ever have one shot at this whole deal...

Basically it’s the sort of plan that an emotionally constipated, low-empathy sort of guy who pours all his points into INT and has a big fat zero for WIS might think is foolproof. It has big holes in it that the Pale King did not consider to be big holes until he got owned by the various consequences of his actions and fell down said big holes, making the shocked pikachu face all the while. Rip in die, my guy.

Anyway, there’s a lot of incidental information scattered about the game that gives us more insight into the stages of TPK’s plan. Looking at Monomon’s notes in the Archive suggests that she was probably involved in designing the Black Egg; the hidden room in the Weavers’ den points to their being the ones to blueprint the Dreamer seal; the White Palace’s hidden rooms reveal both TPK’s morbid fascination with the Void and his mea culpa wrt his motives and the Path of Pain is certainly suggestive of a lot of things. The White Lady tells us straight out that she walked out on the Pale King because she wanted no part in a second vessel batch, but how TPK didn’t handle that is only revealed via map design and some incidental dialogue from the Old Stag.

This stuff presents us with, if not a full picture, then at least a decent connect-the-dots of certain aspects of crater politics and Pale Court drama at the time, and how exactly TPK’s plan came together.

But there is still one glaring question that these cookie crumbs do not provide us an answer to:

Who shall bell the cat?

How did TPK et al manage to stuff Radiance into Hollow in the first place?

This is the subject of a lot of memes and jokes within the fandom because it's so absurd. Radiance fuckin hates that dude! She’s probably gonna be pretty wary of him considering how he stole her people in the first place! And considering the anti-colonialism slant of the writing - beyond the general sympathetic view Team Cherry gives of each indigenous bug society, Seer makes it very clear that Radiance has very good reason to take violent action against Hallownest - the answer is probably not something like “she’s just that stupid” or “she rolled a crit fail”.

Well... I have an idea of how TPK managed to get Radiance in there. It raises about as many questions as it answers, mind, but it may be someplace to start.

[desc: the hollow knight's entry in the hunter’s journal. top text/ghost’s comment reads: “Fully grown Vessel, carrying the plague’s heart within its body.” bottom text/hunter’s comment says: “The old King of Hallownest... he must have been desperate to save his crumbling little world. The sacrifices he imposed on others... all for nothing.”]

Here we have Hollow’s bestiary entry. Most of what we’re concerned with here is the top text, which says the seal has literally trapped Radiance inside their body. (First of all, ew, TPK.)

We already knew Radiance is literally actually inside Hollow, though: The Infection is leaking out of their body, and to get to fight Radiance, Ghost has to go traipsing into their sibling’s mind. So what’s significant about that here?

[desc: screencap of the outside of the black egg temple, post-infected crossroads. there are large infection blobs in the foreground and background, connected to each other by veins that come from inside the temple.]

The infection blobs are weird and get weirder if you kill enough Lightseeds for the Hunter to tell you their origin story, i.e. that the literal actual sun has been having a very long bad day and cried a lot, and some of the liquid coalesced into living flesh, and some of that living flesh took on a mind of its own to become Lightseeds. (Hollow Knight is a WILD place.)

Lightseeds are Radiance’s accidental children and share a lot of her traits: They are harmless creatures that try to avoid conflict if possible but if pushed will get creative and find ways to fight regardless of their physical limitations. (For the Lightseeds this involves hiding inside Broken Vessel’s corpse and puppeting it around to try to stab you.) They even have her same distinctive yell. And according to the Hunter, they’re born from the infection blobs. These enemies only ever appear in the Ancient Basin, which both Radiance and the Void have ransacked, and in the Infected Crossroads.

The infection blobs are connected to and sort of a weird extension of Radiance because the Infection itself is sort of a weird extension of Radiance. In the game’s internal style guide Team Cherry explains that the Infection started as an accident, not her original intention but what happened when Hallownest tried to block her out.

[desc: screencap from the wiki of style notes attached to seer that describe a sketch of radiance’s finalized backstory. text reads: “The moth tribe were (perhaps) descended from Radiance. However, the King convinced them somehow to seal Radiance away. I guess so he could rule Hallownest with his singular vision, as a god/monarch with no other gods. The moths sealed Radiance away by forgetting about her. Hallownest was born and flourished. However, the memory of Radiance lingered (eg [sic] the statue at hallownest’s crown) and soon she began to reappear in dreams and starting [sic] exerting influence. The King and the bugs of Hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the Infection. Thus the first attempt to seal Radiance failed, and the King had to try another method - the Vessel.” emphasis mine.]

Some fans have posited the blobs as deposits of pupa juice, but given Team Cherry's description of the Infection’s origins I don’t know how likely that is. Since the Void also sticks its squamous tentacles into things via veiny looking things and the Nightmare’s Heart has similar veiny nonsense in the Nightmare Realm, I wonder if it isn’t just a Meddly God Shit thing in general.

Whatever the case, the blobs are very much connected to/a part of Radiance.

And when you’re hanging around them, you will notice two things: They pulse like they’re part of a circulatory system, and you can hear Radiance's heartbeat emanating from them.

[desc: screencap of the game’s title screen with the infected menu theme in use: a glowing orange ball at the center of a lot of black tendony webbing.]

Let’s also think of the Infected menu theme, which you unlock after getting either of the endings where Ghost takes over from Hollow and absorbs Radiance out of them. Ghost is infected and then sealed inside the Black Egg in Hollow's place. It’s suggested by the animation’s staging that Radiance briefly struggles to get out of Ghost after absorbed but is ultimately stuck in them, at which point the seal is reestablished.

If you haven’t used the Infected menu theme yourself, the... interesting thing about it is that it moves organically. The light ball expands and contracts - y’know, sort of like a living organ - and so does the black webby stuff around it.

Also, Radiance’s heartbeat is included in the theme's ambiance.

[desc: hollow’s bestiary entry again]

To cut to the chase, this part of Hollow’s bestiary entry that says “the plague’s heart”? I don’t think that’s just Ghost/Team Cherry being poetic. I think there’s a good chance it’s LITERAL.

I think TPK is the sort of person who could cram a native woman’s literal living beating heart inside his own child’s body so they can use it as... say, a focus to absorb and trap her mind/spirit inside their body, too. Mr. No Cost Too Great is capable of a lot in the name of keeping other people’s claws off his Big Shiny kingdom. This is kind of his whole brand.

But also, like, yuck.

This fits the worldbuilding too; generally speaking Hollow Knight is Body Horror City. Also there’s the case of Grimm: While he and Radiance are loose counterparts at best with WILDLY disparate outlooks and ethoses, his existence serves as precedent that a Higher Being’s heart specifically can be separate from the rest of them.

As I said before, though, this DOES raise as many questions as it answers. If this is another piece in the puzzle of how TPK belled the cat, we’re now left wondering how he got Radiance’s heart to use as Hollow's focus to begin with.

We know he has access to the Dream Realm because that’s ultimately where he hid when Hollow’s seal failed, but who did he send to do the stealing and how did they get away with it? (TPK certainly wouldn’t have gone; his own life’s the one cost too great for him to willingly pay.) Was Radiance’s heart separate from her like the Nightmare’s Heart, or was it a part of her body? (I think the latter is more likely just from her personality; Grimm’s hidden heart makes sense because of how he keeps even his own servants at arm’s length emotionally, whereas Radiance is all heart all the time. I think this makes more sense with their equal opposites schtick too. But this would make for a WAY riskier mission.)

I can imagine all kinds of possibilities. None of them are definitive, but the thing they have in common is that they are all Awful... and how on-brand that is for Hollow Knight as a whole is, maybe, the most persuasive argument for It’s Literally Actually Her Real Physical Heart there could be.

[shaineybainey]

“Noble Intentions”

Lab Rats [T]

The Lab Rats and Mighty Med teams face off with the greatest threat to humanity yet: The Incapacitator, a supervillain bent on becoming the most powerful in the planet. …Which makes things super awkward for Leo, considering that their newest nemesis is his father. AU. Lab Rats vs Mighty Med redux.

** DISCLAIMER: SEE CHAPTER ONE FOR DISCLAIMER **

XII: Blank

“Leo!”

Leo steps back as Bree and Adam excitedly come in for a hug. He holds his hands out, hoping to slow them down.

Thankfully, they heed his warning and slow to a puzzled stop. “Broken ribs. It still kind of hurts,” he tells them.

“So, no hugs?” Adam asks sadly.

“Yes hugs, but a very, very gentle one.”

Adam grins at that. Then, he carefully embraces his younger brother, Bree following him soon after.

Behind them, Donald and Tasha exchange warm albeit weary smiles.

“We were so worried about you,” Bree tells Leo as they disengage. “Douglas couldn’t find you, and I was worried that you’ve gotten hurt.”

“Actually, we were kind of worried that you’ve been offed.”

“Adam.”

Leo chuckles half-heartedly. During his check-up, his parents filled him in on what his siblings have learned. They also told him that they’re confused, a little hurt that he didn’t say anything about his father, but in general they’re more concerned about him.

“He won’t hurt me,” Leo assures them. “I know he’s supposed to be a bad guy, but at least with me he won’t do anything like that. Actually, he saved—”

“What happened to you?” Bree asks, eyeing the brace wrapped around his torso. “That looks horrible. He didn’t do that to you. Did he?”

Leo scoffs impatiently, the smile on his face lifting. “Incapacitator is my dad. I know you know,” he says, bridling impatience. “You can just ask that. You don’t have to keep calling him ‘he.’ Just ask if my dad hurt me.”

“Oh. Uh…” Bree looks at their parents, and it wakes Leo up to how tired he has gotten. He’s snappy because he’s been awake for way too long.

He guesses he’s running on about four hours of sleep. It’s just right after lunch now, about 1 PM, so he’d been up for nearly half a day without so much a nap or breakfast or a break from worrying about his father.

Leo sighs. “I’m sorry, Bree. I don’t mean to be mean. I’m just - I’m tired.” He tries to smile. “Thanks for worrying about me. I’m safe now, though. It’s probably better if we worry about Chase.”

Bree nods hesitantly. She wants to ask a question, but eventually thinks the better of it. “Okay.”

“The superheroes won’t tell us what happened,” Adam says. “We only found out from the guy with the big head that they found you when he told Mr. Davenport and Tasha you were here.”

“Adam, it’s not very nice to describe Philip that way,” Bree says.

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about Philip. I was talking about the first one that came here, the one with the white lab coat on. You know, the one that you’ve been flirting with?”

“Stop,” Bree tells him as he smirks. “Oliver doesn’t have a big head.”

“Yes he does. He’s cocky, just like Chase.”

Bree’s frown turns thoughtful. Then, her features wrinkle in disgust. She swats Adam’s arm. “Gross! He is nothing like Chase.”

“He is too like Chase.”

“Okay, it may not be a good idea to argue in front of your brother right now, especially when his life is still hanging on the balance?” Donald chimes in.

Leo looks, and on the hospital bed he finds his older brother still unconscious. Their parents told him that they still haven’t found a solution to wake Chase up – and they’re running out of time. “I promise, I didn’t know he was coming to the island either,” he unknowingly mutters to Chase.

“We know.”

Leo turns towards his family, confused.

Bree smiles sadly. “Douglas showed us the text messages.”

“Yeah,” Adam adds. “Plus, it just won’t make sense for you to be working with a villain – even if he is your dad.”

“Wait. You went through my phone?”

Eyes widen. Bree and Adam, surprised, turn to their parents for help.

Tasha’s shoulder sags as she sighs. “We had to, honey. We couldn’t find you.”

“Right. You told the superhero world who I was, too.”

“I didn’t know Joel—” Tasha pauses to regather her thoughts. “I didn’t know your father was a bad guy, okay? I didn’t even know you knew him and kept in contact with him all these years. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because he told me not to tell you. Because I liked the idea that I’m not that kid anymore who didn’t have a dad, the kid who would have no one to show up for him when there are school things.”

His mother stares at him, stuck in the weird fence of hurt and frustrated.

Like the look he saw from Bree earlier, Leo doesn’t like this either. This time, though, he can’t blame the exhaustion. “I know I should have told you, but I liked having him around,” he adds. “And I know to the superheroes, he’s a terrible person, but he had never gotten me involved in any of it. He’s been a good dad, mom. A weird guy sometimes for sure, but a good dad.”

Tasha seems torn for the longest. She takes his countenance in, as she always does when she’s weighing whether a person or a situation is a danger to him, before gesturing to him. “You still haven’t answered Bree’s question about what happened to you.”

“Uh, we were caught in a rumble.”

“A rumble?” Adam asks.

“Yeah. What the superheroes and villains call a fight with more than two fighters.”

“Oh!”

“Somebody put out a hit on Dad.” Leo catches the flicker of worry in his mother’s face and oddly finds it comforting. He looks at his stepfather. “The Incapacitator was the first to get to the energy transponder, but he isn’t the only one who wants it. Slither, Sonic Shriek, The Ambusher, and this guy who looked like a mobster came to take it away from Dad. I even heard about someone named Mr. Terror. She wants it too.”

“Dude,” Adam says, an excited grin forming on his mouth. “You know other super villains too?”

“I mean, Incapacitator I understand why he would want it,” Donald says, frowning thoughtfully. “He told me – us. But why do the other people want it?”

“I don’t know. Sonic Shriek said he wants to see it because he considers your invention a rip-off of his invention...”

“It is not!”

“...but the others I’m not sure. All I know is that they were all willing to eliminate us for it.”

“I’m sorry to ask this,” says Bree, “but what happened to your dad? Where is he?”

Leo takes a deep breath, the anxiety that ebbed far enough earlier reaching back for him again. “He…He left—”

“He left you in the middle of a fight?!” Tasha screeches.

Leo fights the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes.” And I’m worried about why he did that. “I don’t know if he still has the transponder, though. It was a war zone at Nana’s and Pop’s house when Tecton and the rest of the League took me. “

“Nana’s and Pop’s?” Donald repeats. “You were at your grandparents’ house?”

“Yeah.” He looks at his mom and adds, “He always talked about his parents. They’ve been long gone, but he’d been taking care of their house because it was important to him.”

It takes a little longer, but the anger in his mother’s eyes slowly softened.

“At least, he tried to. The house is probably in shreds,” he sighs. His eyes narrow. “None of them ever really said who put out a hit on us. Dad suspected Mr. Terror, but her minion said it’s not her.”

“Mr. Terror is involved?”

The family turns to the door. There, Tecton, Gamma Girl, and Skylar Storm stand.

Leo glances at his parents first, unsure how to answer. “Tecton. You look well-rested.”

“I am.”

“Nice. That makes one of us.”

“You mentioned Mr. Terror,” Tecton prompts again. “Gamma Girl and Blue Tornado saw his main lackey at the scene. Did he want the transponder, too?”

Leo nods slowly as he tries to recall. “Yeah, my dad thinks so.” He chuckles. “Although, Mr. Terror is a woman. She wants the transponder.”

“No, we have Mr. Terror on record as a man,” Gamma Girl corrects. “A spy had been on the phone with him before.”

“That’s true! In the comics, he’s a man!”

The wall of superheroes awkwardly parts as the two teenage doctors wiggle their way into the room. Kaz, the first one in, grins back at the trio. “I’m sorry, Tecton, Gamma Girl – we gotta check in on our patient.”

“What Kaz said is right,” Oliver tells Leo. “Mr. Terror is a man. Everyone in the superhero world knows that.”

“Well, apparently the superhero world is behind,” Leo says. “My dad may be on the bad side, but one thing he’s not bad at is doing detective work. Joel Jones is thorough. If he says Mr. Terror is a woman, she’s a woman.”

“Why does he have information on her?” Gamma Girl asks.

Leo shrugs. “Like I said, he doesn’t tell me anything. He leaves me out of his plans because he knows I don’t want to know.” Then, he frowns.

“What?” says Adam.

Leo gauges the room first. He’s learned that even the most insignificant-seeming piece of information can turn an outcome around. It appeared harmless at the time, but…

Knowing that suspicion is starting to mount, he turns towards Chase’s doctors. “When is Chase going to wake up? He should be okay now.”

Kaz and Oliver exchange confused glances. “Uh, we’re still trying to find a cure,” Oliver says. “To his condition.”

“His condition.”

“Yeah…?”

Leo frowns. They’re qualified for the job, aren’t they? Mighty Med’s never been one to hire on doctors that lack the skill and the knowledge for the job.

Still, the deer caught in the headlights look on their eyes diminishes his confidence in the hospital a little.

“I get it. It’d been better if Chase was awake,” he says anyway. “The only person who can solve a Chase problem is Chase.”

“Leo, we need to talk to you,” Gamma Girl tells him.

Leo doesn’t have to ask why; he already knows.

“He hasn’t had time to rest,” Tasha comes to his rescue. “He hasn’t slept, hasn’t eaten. Can’t this wait?”

“We won’t take long, we promise,” Tecton says. The look he gives Leo weighs heavy with desperation. “If the same people that showed up at the house find your father again, there might be another rumble. Thankfully, no one was hurt from the one this morning. We can’t guarantee the next one.”

Leo knows what he has to do. Still, it holds him back – the one worry he’s been carrying since he left Kansas earlier. “Dad said he’s in a line of work where people make him retire. If I help you, won’t I be helping you in that? My dad, I don’t want him to...retire.”

A somber expression comes over Gamma Girl’s face. Meanwhile, Skylar only looks up to Tecton for the next move.

Tecton thinks about it a moment. Then, he cases the room and determines quickly that there are too many eyes and too many ears for this kind of conversation. “It’s probably better if we talk about this in private,” he says.

Leo debates it. When he was just assisting his stepsiblings, he doesn’t have to think too far ahead to know what’s the right thing to do. Thankfully, they’re still beginners in this game, and while things can get a little complicated, they’re not that tangled.

But the world of superheroes and super villains is a different world entirely. It’s a game of chess, where every player’s very rarely inept at the game.

It sends a nervous energy all throughout his body. All over again, it makes him hurt. It also scares him, because he’s not as good as this as his father.

But something in him moves him to try. It’s the only thing to do at this point.

He nods. “I’ll be right back,” he tells his parents.

Though puzzled, they nod.

With every limb in his body weighing heavier with every step, he follows the superheroes to wherever they plan on taking him. He still remembers his father giving him a kiss on the forehead and telling him everything will be alright and that he loves him.

Where are you, Dad? Leo wonders. I need you right now. Where are you?

[tarithenurse]

Orphan - 4

Starring:  Fem!Reader and MCU characters! Contents: Spoilers for Endgame!! Cussing (as usual, take that for granted), some fluff, some angst, confusion, sadness, loss, good intentions, awkwardness, flashbacks. Feels...there are feels. A/N: So this is getting a surge. PREVIOUS CHAPTERS can be found on the masterlist. I’ve added more names to the tag list (because no one ever tells me they want in but still “like” anyways…so HA!). As per usual. Thanks for likes and reblogs and comments and tears…cheers! I mean cheers! ;)

4. Foster Care for Adults

…   Reader   …

You’ve had no energy to protest, but if you’d had then it’s likely nothing would’ve changed the mind of the grim mohawk-dude. Clint Barton, archer extraordinaire and known as Hawkeye, who (after squaring it with the wife) has opened his home to you and herded you onto a little dangerous-looking plane together with his family. The two older kids, Lila and Cooper, don’t say much if anything to you. Well, the little one doesn’t either, but at least he’s staring openly rather than pretending to be busy with the phones or each other.

“Mo-om?” Nathaniel’s clear voice cuts over the sound of the engine. “Is she gonna be my sisther?”

In a flash you’re back to the childhood where terms like siblings and parents were used too loosely or as a means to hurt you, keep you separate from other kids at school. Even within the foster home, there were kids who wielded those kinds of words as weapons, cutting deep reminders into your heart to make sure you never forget what you’d lost. As if that was possible.

In the same flash, the little kid should have fallen over dead from the glared his siblings send him. Turned into dust. Of course, he doesn’t notice, but looks at his mom for an answer she hardly can give.

“Listen guys.” Clint pushes a few buttons before turning the pilot entire seat to face everyone. “I know this is a…surprise. [Y/N] came back from the Blip too and she has nowhere to stay…” Nathaniel merrily begins to hum a song under his breath made up entirely of bleeps. “She’s gonna be a guest until things are sorted out, okay?”

It’s toe-cringing to listen to the Avenger give The Speech™. He means well. Facts are you’re an adult who can talk for yourself, and you don’t have as much of a choice in coming as Clint makes it sound.

 Sitting on the bed of the motel, you didn’t know which hero to look at - none of them were the one you needed to get answers because Stark was dead and with him the hope of a better explanation than the documents and files on the tiny drive provided. Facts. The facts were there…but it wasn’t enough.

“How did you find out about the fu-“ Rhodes had to take a deep breath before continuing, “about the funeral?”

He already knew more about you than you liked, such as your (now delayed) university degree in Medicine and Technology where you’d been working on cutting edge ways to deliver medicine to the right place in the body with biodegradable nano-bots. Tony Stark and his old-time pal had kept track of you ever since you were born and your father decided to split…as if that somehow should compensate for the absence. Still, Rhodes and his buddies were questioning you for more information.

Glaring at the furrowed brows, you decided you already were royally fucked. “Watched the news, put two-n-two together, hacked a phone.”

“What do you want from Pepper ‘nd Morgan?” There it was – the protectiveness.

“Nothin’, I just…the Blue Group chick already asked me this!”

On and on they had gone, never relenting despite the circles you were talking in. In the end, only the talking raccoon was stubborn enough to continue (though both the coloured women had offered assistance by torture).

 A shiver runs down your spine at the memory. Yeah, it’s a good thing Clint Barton decided to bring you along even if it’s just to keep an eye on you rather than help. You send Laura a shadow of a smile before unbuckling from the seat to make your way over to the pilot’s seat. The domed sky is intense, partially coloured with the drama of sunset but also much darker above the plane than you’d expected. It stretches towards the curve of the horizon, dotted with fluffy clouds. Far underneath are the rolling fields smaller than a fingernail, roads like grey thread cutting through a landscape until it finds a glowing pearl, a town where the lights are starting to shine.

“Not a bad view, huh?” The comment is so relaxed that you almost think it’s your imagination until the archer sends you a shy smile.

Maybe he’s not that bad. “Yeah…’s pretty.” There’s a silence between the two of you – less forced, somehow. “It’s umm nice of you to…y’know, let me stay. Better than a motel with a raccoon and a blue assassin.”

…

I’m gonna die! Clint Barton has landed the plane in the middle of fucking nowhere and you’ve never been further from civilization as you are now. Even in the darkness, you can feel the forest sighing, long branches creaking in the autumn wind as they try to reach you and the Bartons (who are completely unfazed by it). Give me streetlights! Anything! Flashes on phones light up the ground, granting your wish to a certain point.

At least they lead you away from the trees, and while it’s still night with no moon the darkness isn’t quite as dense out in the open. Tall grass catch on your salvaged boots and there’s a very distinct feeling of something chasing you…but nothing when you turn to look. For a second, you whish you were in Nathaniel’s place: he’s sound asleep on Laura’s arm, drool wetting her shoulder each time his head bounces from the steps she takes.

The house appears from the dark as a huge, even darker mass before the lights reach far enough to illuminate the wooden steps of the porch. Lila’s ahead, skipping up the steps and reaching the screen door where she flips a switch. Suddenly, stringed lights spread their glow and the house feels wonderfully real and safe even if it’s still dark inside.

 …   Clint   …

The house still smells musty after years of misuse and there’s a ton of things for him to fix. The boiler works, though, and Laura and the kids have been busy cleaning the last few days while Clint took care of the leaks in the roof and the stock of firewood. Mostly, he’d walked in a daze simply to look at them, touch their hair, pull them into awkward hugs in the hopes it wouldn’t just be a dream.

I didn’t think I’d be back to live here. Clint had tried at first to be on his own, but it was wrong – an empty house full of the ghosts of his family and memories that threatened with eluding him even if the smallest item or scent brought them crashing down on him with a force that’d knock his legs away. That was why he went to stay with Nat at the Compound. She dealt by doing things, trying to clean up the mess one crime or fucked up situation at a time because there weren’t enough cops, no military strong enough. The remnants of the Avengers was needed and the two of them teamed up with others…and nothing was right anyways.

“Baby?” A soft hand curls around his elbow before stroking his triceps. Laura. “We’re here, honey, we’re with you again.”

She understands him better than anyone. The five years felt like seconds for Laura, but she understands how fucked up it was for him and how afraid he is that they’ll suddenly be gone again. Pulling her tight, Clint buries the nose in her dark hair to maybe memorize the scent, at least to have her inside and out.

“You’re the best wife I could ever want,” he mumbles.

Laura smiles against the collar of his t-shirt, making his heart flutter. “Oh, I know,” she smirks, “any other wife would’ve lost it after coming home to such a mess!”

It’s a joke and it does make him laugh…but it hurts too because now he’s added to the mess that’s their lives. “…or taken in a stranger.”

“Hm.” It’s almost a tiny scoff. “She needs a home and we have that. I just…it’s a horrible way to find out about your heritage. She must be so confused?”

 …   Reader   …

Fed, watered, and teeth brushed? Done.

Bed, check.

Borrowed pyjama that’s only a little bit musty, check.

Settling down under the thick covers, it’s impossible not to enjoy having an entire guest room for yourself rather than the dorm at the hostel where ten other people snore and fart all night long. Tonight you’re going to sleep great, you decide as you turn off the bed side lamp. Your eyelids are heavy. It’s so dark, you can’t tell if you already have closed the eyes or not. Silence and sleep, here I come.

The wind outside the window picks up in strength, finding a gap between two boards to whistle with when the gusts hit just right. Somewhere in the house a floorboard creaks – maybe Clint is tugging his kids in? And then it might be his wife who’s using the water, making the pipes gurgle inside the wall. Whenever one sound ends another takes over, all unexpected and unfamiliar enough that they startle you awake. Burrowing deeper under the duvet, you try to cover the ears but then it’s your own heartbeat you can hear instead, thumping away with a constant rush of blood that mingles with the sighs of the wind.​

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 13

The last part of the Chapter ! Some important informations about Liam’s past here. There is also some big revelation for the main plot :)

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Tuesday March 5, in France

It was some sort of joke. Yeah, someone was messing around with him. Why on earth was he doing the shrink for the baboon and his friend all day, all time ? I have others things to do. Like having sex, sex and sex again. After the fatty roommate who fell into the water and the midget who made a little break-down, it was Liam's turn to be depressed. What with this mood ? They can't be happy and healthy like everyone else ? His boyfriend was a real ghost. Not only he was avoiding the Dean's grandson, but he also looked completely elsewhere. I'm not being ignored by him. No way, I'll not tolerate this. My humiliation has gone too far already. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was seriously pissed when he entered his boyfriend's bedroom. He looked at Nate, Nick and Colton angrily.

"You three. Out, now."

He truly didn't care if the Good Samaritan guessed their relationship. He probably already did. They obeyed quietly, and he faced Liam.

"Baboon. I'm pissed. I'm furious. No, I'm raging mad at you. Stop dreamin' and look at me."

The chestnut freshman did as he told him. He had puppy's eyes, but Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey did his best to ignore it.

"What is wrong with you ?! You told me you would call me for help ! You put this damned condition ! You asked me to be there for you. And when here I am, you don't talk ! This is not fair ! How am I supposed to help if I don't know what is going on ?! Answer, now."

A short blank followed. Finally, Liam came closer.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "It's... I don't want to lose you. Please, don't be mad."

Too late. But Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was already simmering down. He couldn't resent this baboon. I hate myself for being so weak.

"Just talk to me." he grumbled. "I don't want to be laid aside only because it concern your ex."

Besides, I already know the story. Barbara told me months ago. Liam took place on the bed and asked him to do the same. Then, he took a deep breath.

"I started to date Kilian around april in 11th grade. He was my first male partner, and I didn't really know where we were going." he related. "But Kilian's parents are strongly homophobic, and they used to beat him because of that. We were a secret, and we managed to remain like this during ten months. It was a great time... But eventually, they found out. His father was so angry, so mad... I though they would kill him, and me by the same occasion."

Liam made a break. Until now, nothing scary. Stupid peole with stupid habits. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey held his comment.

"So I suggested we could run away. Kilian and me, together. I know this is a terrible idea, but at the time, it seemed logical. And so we tried. I tried. But it quickly degenerated. We were lacking of everything after only two days. I was so deseperate to be with him. I thought he was the love of my life..."

Again, a break. Liam was making a real effort to talk. It's not shyness nor idiocy. He hates himself for what happened.

"I proposed to steal some supplies. I know, this is even worst than my first idea but... Anyway, I went in this grocery and... I got caught, we ran. We ran so fast, we were so scared. There was a thunderstorm going on. I'm so stupid. So so stupid. It's all my fault."

"Liam. Look at me."

The baboon obeyed. Damn, stop crying already. He looked so desesperate.

"We were crossing a road and I pushed him ahead, to go faster." he finally said. "A car knocked him over. It wasn't going that fast, and Kilian had only minor injuries but... Still, I almost killed him. His parents sued me for manslaughter. My family went true hell. And they called my father. He came back. He took everything from my mother because of me. Because of my judicial situation. I lost everything. I made my mother lose everything. My siblings, Kilian and his relatives... All our friends... Everyone hates me now..."

He couldn't continue. He cried in Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey's arms. He was so vulnerable. The junior gently patted him, quiet. In what mess I went with these boys ? Liam, Nate, Nick... Do I want to spend my times with them and their problems ? His heart was pounding in his chest. He wasn't good to feel emotions. He had zero empathy since his own heart had been broken. I'm a god among the hunter, I don't do feelings.

"I don't hate you." he whispered. "And I'm not mad anymore."

His boyfriend's grasp became stronger.

"I'm not boyfriend material Liam, you know that. I suck at all this stupid foolishness."

Why tho ? Why am I so bad ?

"But I love you."

He said it. I said it.

"I can't explain it." he added. "But it feels comfortable with you around. Your body, your insane personality, your delirium and your incredible appetite, I love all that. I don't know why, and I don't care. So please, don't hate yourself and let me love you."

I'm done. It's enough for now. He hugged his boyfriend in the silent of the night, and just waited.

Liam Wednesday March 6, in France

He was surrounded. They were everywhere, chasing him. He could not escape them. With strenght, one of them grabbed him. Liam ended face to face with his hunter, a truly gigantic baboon. This one yelled :

"I love you ! I love you ! I love you !"

The chesnut lad suddenly woke up. Eyes wide open, he looked his surroundings. He was cozily lying underneath his sheets. The warm feeling got the best of him. He moaned with pleasure. He smelled a sweet flavor. Pancake, this is pancake. Did he die ? Was it Paradise ? (It was a logical theory : a wonderful bed, a restorative sleep and pancakes, he couldn't ask for more.).

"Hey, are you awake ?" asked Dami.

Slowly, Liam stood up and looked at his boyfriend. He was wearing an apron and a chef's hat. I never noticed how cute he's. Dami wasn't tall nor ripped, but he had a graceful body. (Now he couldn't ask for more).

"I... We did a breakfast." he announced. "Your friends were worried, so I let them help with the preparation. They're completely duffer but well, at least they think they did something nice. "

Where did they manage to cook ? (Well, Dami was more than capable to have requested the hotel's kitchen). (A true hero.). Anyway, Colton, Nate and Nick entered in the room with trays full of foods.

"I know you like to eat." mumbled Liam's boyfriend. "I thought it would cheer you up to have a taste of my own pancakes."

"It will." quickly answered the chesnut lad.

He rushed Dami and kissed him. (He didn't care about the secret anymore). (Okay, he forgot they were not completely official yet).

"Thank you. All of you."

Without any hesitation, he took a pancake and started to eat. It was so good. Yeah, he definitely was in Paradise.

"Dude, how I am supposed to watch my figure with this amazing food ?"

Liam shrugged. His hands were diligently rubbing his belly. Next to him, Dami was texting, but he was resting his head on Liam's shoulder. It was the best love gesture is was ready to do for now, Liam guessed. Nick, who just complained, was sat in the chair next to them. He was overstuffed. His belly pressured his too tight shirt. The buttons were about to pop. Nate and Colton were cleaning the trays. Best breakfast ever. The chestnut lad could have eat more, but he was satisfied. After all, he had just devoured a dozen of gigantic pancake.

"Your belly is making weird noise." mumbled Dami.

Their friends were leaving to bring back the dishes downstair. Liam's boyfriend took the occasion to rub the bloated stomach himself.

"Thank you Dami. It really hit the spot."

"Well, my cooking is made for that."

They remained silent for a bit. Liam couldn't describe how happy he was, even if it was only for a moment. (It was like the first time he had met the unicorns.) (When magical horses come to you, you sure are amazed.).

"After this week, I'll have to hit the gym." he finally admitted. "I'm gorging myself so much here."

"Don't worry. You'll be back to your silly routine in no time."

Again, the silent came. Liam watched his boyfriend rubbing his belly with dedication. How can I describe it ? It has been a long time since I felt this way. He had noticed his boyfriend was rather reluctant to show any affection, especially when the others were here. But man, he knew how to rub a belly. (Dami had so many talents...).

"Before all." said suddenly Dami. "Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you but... Nate told me you have a meeting with Kilian tonight."

"I'll make everything clear with him." affirmed Liam.

"Which means ?"

"I'm in a new relationship. I'm with you. I'll tell him I'm sorry for the past, and we'll be friends because he's on the good side. The force of evils will lose this time."

"You're so weird."

To be honest, Liam was only pretending. It was so easy to appear brave in front of his loved one. But in truth ? Could the unicorns send help ? A massive disaster, a flue, anything which would prevent him to meet Kilian ? But no, the evening came anyway. They had made great progress for their group project, despite Rebecca and Barbara's rudeness. And now here he was, right in front of Kilian, at a terrace in town.

"You look nice today." smiled his ex.

Liam quickly drank his orange juice. (Yes he was still using the straw, so what ?).

"So... It's nice to see you're still friend with Nate. You two are really soulmate."

"Yeah."

Liam was sweating. He looked right in front of him. He pictured an angry Dami telling him to man up, but it only made him chuckle. Kilian looked at him, a bit confused.

"And you're in the same university than Barbara. That's cool." he continued. "She told you why she left in 11th grade ?"

"What ? No. We're not talking these days. She blames me for... you know, stuff."

Oh my god, I'm ridiculous. (Yes, he was often ridiculous, he didn't have pride anymore but still).

"You're not friends ?" wondered his ex. "I thought though. Anyway, Liam, I have something important to tell you."

Don't kill me please. (Yes, it was a bit overestimated, but Liam was still convinced his ex resented him for everything). (And yes, he was very scared : Kilian became so tall and strong ! He looked just like his father now...).

"I missed you." confessed the blond lad. "I... I still love you. Barbara told me some creepy guy were using you but I can be there ! I can come back to America with you."

Not what I planned. Not at all. Send help. Was it a tricky joke of the unicorns ?

"I'm not being used." Liam replied. "Dami is my boyfriend. Sorry I didn't say it earlier..."

"Your what ? He was sleeping with my cousin not two night ago ! Liam please, I can tell he's not sane. Don't fall for it ! He's a psycho who will hurt you. I can go to the United State with you ! I can..."

"Kilian stop."

Liam's tone surprised both of them. It was more serious, more mature than everything he ever did. Now I'm here, so let's go for it...

"You do have a special place in my heart." he admitted. "And I thank you for everything. For the ten months we spent together, for your kindness and even for this two days with you around. I deeply respect you, and I want the best for you. But Dami isn't a psycho. He had done so much for me, I won't let you disrespect him. You're right, he has his own problems but... look at us and tell me : are we saner than him ?"

His ex remained silent for a while. He lowered his eyes, seemingly disappointed.

"You really love him right ? Well, so I guess I don't stand a chance ?"

"I'm sorry..." whispered Liam. "But I spent a very long time trying to move on and now I feel I've finally succeeded thanks to Dami. I can't go back."

"In that case, I honestly hope everything will work between you two. I want the best for you too Liam."

"Thank you."

Barbara Thursday March 7, in France LAST PART

Now she started to get pissed. She had worked for years in order to be perfect. Grades, sports, reputation, family, she had mastered everything. So why all her plans were failing anyway ? Why this vulgar king and his pathetic queen were always beating her ? Kilian was supposed to make a move, but nothing happened yet. And here she was, in this stupid group for a stupid project.

"I think we should insist on their labors relations." announced Colton next to her. "It's very known French people have a different connection to work than us american."

"Yeah, that's right." approved Nick. "Everyone agrees ?"

Rebecca and Liam nodded. But the short girl ignored them. Her ally wasn't much useful anymore. Nick had been humiliated, and some people continued to tease him, but it wasn't much. At deseperate time, deseperate moves. She had read in a war manual that it was sometimes necessary to take huge risk for a huge profit. The same applied for economy, and for human's relations. I'll end all of this myself.

She waited until the end of their meeting. Then, she followed Colton while he was going to the restaurant. She hailed him when they were alone.

"Hey hon', I think we need to talk."

He followed her, a bit surprised. You're right, this is not an silly conversation between friends.

"Look, I have right here a video of our first time when you moaned Leila's name instead of mine." she claimed. "You have two choices. Either you do everything I demand, either I post it on internet and everyone will discover you pathetic secret. Your call."

Colton looked at her, stunned.

"I never did such a gross thing..." he whispered. "Why are you so... so... Why are you doing that ? What happened since last year ? I've always been nice to you, havn't I ? But you broke my heart and... and now that ? I don't understant what I've done wrong ?"

"Don't look down on me." she retorted. "Nothing special happened, I just want to be a the top. You can't be perfect without sacrifice. Now, will you listen to me ?"

He didn't hesitate long. Apparently, he was really scared for his reputation. You're such a lame.

"What do you want ?"

"Now I must be fuckin' dreamin'." swore a voice she immediately recognized. "You must be kiddin' me. What a bunch of retards."

Slowly, Barbara turned towards Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey, surprised to see him here. He wasn't supposed to show up. Dismayed, she noticed Matthew right next to him. The sophomore was smiling from ear to ear.

"Little roach, what did I just hear ? You were about to blackmail the guy ? For fuckin' real ?"

"And what ? Don't tell me you had never been dirty ?"

"You jackass. I'm only having sex idiotic moron. And with consenting people, dumbass. Yeah maybe I'm hurting some feelings in the process, but I'm not doing any illegal stuff you cunt."

The blonde girl understood something wasn't right. Why Matthew brought him here in the first place ? The swimmer was so proud of himself. It hid something.

"Doll Man, come here. You don't have to listen to this idiotic bitch."

"One second Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." she said. "What is all this ?"

For a second, everyone remained silent. Then, a voice came through the Dean's grandson phone.

"Barbara Henrion ? Hi. I'm D.R. The head of the women defensor club, and also the head of the hunters."

The what ?! The freshman froze, astounded. Tell me that's not true.

"By trying to blackmail a student of the university, you contravened to the rules of the college, and also the hunting code. We also made some investigations about you."

"What ? Wait a second. Who are you ?"

"She's the so-called queen you were so eager to replace, stupid." explained Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. "Now hurry up, I don't have the whole night to lose."

"Sure thing, sorry." D.R continued. "So, we found out you and Roberto Rios had deliberately damaged the university's facilities. You realise you could be expelled for this ? We could call the police straight away."

Barbara didn't reply. She didn't know what to do. I'm in a real mess. What went wrong ? How did they know all that ?

"However, this is your first misdemeanor, so I'll be merciful." decided D.R. "I'm speaking in the name of the Dean. You are dismissed from all your responsabilities in the student union. You'll be placed under the surveillance of Matthew Davos. I'll send you two the detail. Are we clear ?"

Is it even possible ? Was I wrong all along ? She fighted Summer with so much application. All that for nothing ?

"I repeat, is that clear ?"

"I... I understand perfectly well." Barbara finally spilled.

She wasn't stupid. She could recognise when the war was lost. And her defeat was complete.

To be continued in Chapter 4

So much in one chapter !

Damian said the three words. He admitted his feelings for Liam. And that’s good news ! Plus, they finally get rid of Barbara, who met the infamous head of the hunter, D.R !

So yeah, Liam was naive when he was young. He tried to run away, and it failed. But considering how dangerous are Kilian’s parents, that’s not so surprising. Let’s hope things will be better with Damian. At least this one provides food ;)

[thewriterwithnoplan]

Hell and Back (Part 1)

Summary: Y/N Winchester is an enigma wrapped in a riddle. The half-sibling of the famed brothers and she was there through it all. Until now. After Jack’s birth she made a deal with Batman himself. His money for her expertise. She can pay for a real school and some online classes for her and Jack. All she has to do is enlighten the Team about her world. Easy peasy, right? Pairing: Supernatural x Reader x Young Justice Word Count: 1912 Warnings: None.

A/N: Might not do a second part. Not sure how I feel about this?

"What's this about a new member?" Wally all but sped into the lounge of Mount Justice. The team were splayed casually across the room. Robin lifted his head from his laptop, frowning at the speedster and tilting his head. "Did anyone even know? Batman just brought some girl through, talking about how she'd fit right in."

Artemis sat up quickly from where she'd been splayed on an armchair sharpening her arrows. M'gann's head snapped up in confusion. It seemed they hadn't known and by the others expressions they hadn't been enlightened either. Even Kaldur looked surprised, which was more that concerning considering he was the Team leader.

"Bats hasn't mentioned anything," Robin furrowed his eyebrows. He was quiet for a moment as if stuck in a deep thought. "Though he has made an unusual amount of business trips to Lebanon, Kansas. Does the girl look like this?"

The boy wonder turned his computer, showing the team - some of whom had to lean in comically to see - a photo. The girl was about Artemis' age, H/L H/C hair and E/C eyes. She was pretty if they were being honest but threatening. Her expression was hard and her eyes were set in a partial glare as if that was her default look. Wally gave a nod, causing half the team to deflate in annoyance. How was it fair for her to just be permitted onto the team. M'gann grinned at the picture, obviously happy to have another girl on the team - intense stare or no.

"What do you know of her?" Robin shrugged at Kaldur's question. Wally super sped over to his friend, snatching the computer to look at whatever the boy had open. It was a file on the girl and three other men. Robin gave an indignant cry chasing after the boy as he read the information to the team, all the while dodging the angered bird.

"Says here her names Y/N Winchester," Wally side stepped Robin with a smug grin. "Age 16, daughter of Dean Winchester-"

"What?" Conner raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Keep going, what else?"

"That's it." The room paused, even Robin stopped jumping for the machine, if only for a moment. "No medical records, no criminal records, no nothing."

Someone coughed loudly, tearing everyones gaze from Wally to the person. With the distraction Robin apprehended his computer and scurried back to his seat. Batman pegged them all with the famed Bat-glare™. Behind him a girl stood, hands on her hips and a wide smirk on her face. She wore a red plaid shirt unbuttoned over a white top and a pair of denim shorts. The team stared at the girl who looked nothing like her photo. Where it depicted a teen ready to murder the next person she met, this girl looked just as prepared to charm them to death.

She looked up at Batman and gave him a sincere smile. "I can handle it from here Batsy, thanks for the tour. Be sure to keep up your end of the bargain and I think we can do some good work here."

The bat merely grunted but a soft curve of his lips betrayed him as he flourished his cape and left. Y/N grinned at the assembled team and with a fluid few steps she slumped herself into the only empty armchair. Some of the members simply stared at the girl who dared to speak to the Batman like that. Better yet to demand something like a deal from him. The girl looked up meeting their looks before shifting into a proper sitting form.

Y/N opened her mouth as if to introduce herself but instead she decided on, "That informations wrong you know."

Robin gave an indignant grunt that was almost the spitting image of Batman's. It was Wally who spoke up for the Boy Wonder, "It's a Federal Record how is it wrong?"

"Because Wallace West," A pointed use of his identity that the group noticed. Though there was humour in the girl's voice, "Dean Winchester is my brother, I'm 15 and have a Criminal Record that runs for days."

"Ex-Villain then?" Artemis sat up to rest her arms against her legs. "Yeah we get those."

"Hardly," She snorted. "You civilians don't really call us anything, especially not Villain."

Aqualad rather uncharacteristically spat out his drink at the title. Had Y/N, this girl they'd just met, called them Civilians? Kaldur gave her an incredulous look. "We do not appreciate name-calling on this Team Miss Winchester. If you wish to be integrated into the group I would advise you refrain from it in future."

"Oh, I'm just here for the money," She grinned upside down at him as he once again spat out his drink. Money? Conner asked as much, his threatening tone not giving the woman a moment of pause. "You guys need me so Batsy is paying me to help."

"Are you mental?" Wally asked, nearly sincere. "We don't need someone like you. Saving people isn't some way to make money, it's-"

"The Family Business!" She leapt from her seat and stalked to the speedster, shoving a finger to his chest giving it a firm jab. "Saving People," Jab. "Hunting Things," Jab. "The Family Business." Jab. Jab. "Trust me I know, I've been in it since I was four. But you do need me, like it or not Kid Flash."

"So what?" The red head grunted. "You've been at it longer than we have? From my guess you're not Meta, maybe trained but by your not built as well as most of us. What's so special about you?"

"I'm an expert in the field that your all about to enter." A sly grin grew over the girls face. Wally opened his mouth to shoot something back but she beat him to it, "Did you know Wally that the only way to kill a vampire is beheading? Or that demons have to be killed with a one of a kind knife that I own? Or that the scruffy Chuck forsaken mutt in the foyer is half hellhound?"

The room burst into hysterical laughter that boomed off the walls. A few fell from seats or keeled over to clutch at their stomachs. Someone gave a howl of amusement, M'gann clutched at Conner's shoulder. Artemis was all but rolling on the floor, mouthing the words to herself just to curl up in a fit again. Wally was trying - and horribly failing - to hold it in. Robin huffed out something about having any proof between coughing fits. Once they'd calmed down Y/N deigned to answer.

"Round three years ago, the sun dimmed." She raised an eyebrow waiting for them to acknowledge her statement with a round of nods. "That was my brothers and I loosing a fight to God's sister, Amara. Four years before some biblical shit went down. Mass killings, plague of locusts, entire towns eating themselves to death, weather surges. That was the apocalypse. Beginning of this year power in half the country went out? Antichrist's birth, his name is Jack."

Some more hysteria, some wiping tears from their eyes. She supposed it would sound insane. Y/N had never had to explain it, that was Sam's job. And that was usually after a civilian had seen something supernatural already. The group began to quiet when Y/N rolled her eyes and marched into the centre of the room. Falling to her knees on the carpet she pressed her palms together and waited for utter silence.

"Hey Jack," She tilted her head back further, eyes closed reverently. "I know you and the boys are usually busy with the whole Michael thing but I could use a second opinion. I'm not hurt but I could use a hand."

Y/N opened her eyes and waited as the group barely surpassed snickers. Some muttering about religion loonies and she sent a glare in their direction. A signature whoosh of wind shut them all up. They turned slowly to the source as Y/N's eyes light up and she sprung up. Jack was standing with an adorably cute confused look on his face. He tilted his head at her in that way of his.

"Who are they N/N?" He waved at the group with a small smile.

"Well Jack-a-boy," She skipped to his side and ruffled his hair - though he looked quite a bit older and was a head taller. "This is the team I told you about. You know that hero team, their leader is giving us money so we can go to school. Cool right?"

The team blinked at the pair in confusion. School? Y/N was doing this so she could go to school when her friend was able to just teleport here? When she'd proved that the supernatural was real. Jack's eyes light up delighted and he grinned spinning the small woman round. She looked several years younger - in fact he seemed of legal age - and yet he was more of a child. Some gave her a pitiful look when she and Jack stopped spinning.

"So that blonde one is Artemis, then Wally, Kaldur, Conner and Megan." She pointed to each making them flinch with each name drop. "You can just call that one Robin. Team this is Jack Kline, he's Lucifer's son."

Jack screwed up his face at that, "Biologically. The Winchester's are my real family."

"Dude how old are you?" Wally muttered, though Jack had picked it up with his intense Celestial hearing.

"One year, four months, eight days and three hours." He told them seriously, they mostly just stared. "So N/N what did you need help with?"

"So I'm going to have to stay here a while Jacky." He pouted playfully at his least favourite nickname. "Anyway, with so many angels all over from the fall and the demons thinking we're still trying to shut hell, I need to put some warding up. I thought you could give me hand, I know Sammy's had you reading up on it at the bunker."

Wally gave Y/N a doe eyed look, "You live in a bunker and don't go to school? How much do you need this money?"

"Jeez dude, not that much." She huffed, giving Jack an encouraging smile. The nephilim nodded and snapped his fingers, eyes glowing golden as the walls shimmered. Runes splattered themselves up the wall.

"Is that needed?" Robin stared almost horrified at the marked wall, even as the symbols turned invisible.

"It is if you want Y/N here," Jack nodded thoughtfully. "She's a walking talking supernatural magnet. Not every human has been to hell and back, let alone heaven and purgatory. Anyway Y/N I've gotta head back, I think we caught a vamp nest up north."

"Have fun!" She pecked his cheek and waved as he flurried off in a tumble of shadow wings.

"Hell and back." Someone repeated as she turned back to the team. They were staring at her, as their worlds crashed around them. Y/N gave a nod, slumping back into her self-claimed armchair. They stared blankly at her.

The room erupted in questions.

[bluepenguinstories]

Happiness Overload Chapter Forty

Never mind all that bullshit, here's where the REAL story begins:

So as we all know, Conrad and Velvet are assholes who should never be trusted. Unless it's trusting them to be untrustworthy, and in that case, yeah! They're super fucking trustworthy! We also know that the police aren't to be trusted. Never have been, never will. But me, being an idiot, thought that those two double-crossing snakes were in some kind of danger, and thinking (again, like a fucking moron) that some no-good cops would save them.

No, instead, I got punched in the face, then I found myself on the run from them, with gunfire out in the streets. Man, this city's really gone to shit. I didn't wanna believe it, but ain't no denyin' it now.

So that's where we're at. Any questions? No? Good. So, anyway...

I was still being chased when I turned the corner and ran into an alleyway and tried to hide behind a dumpster. I sat down and tried to catch my breath.

“Damn...asthma...”

Me, a total dumbass, forgot to take my inhaler with me when I left Conrad's little hideout.

“Shit. Maybe I should go back there?”

I peeked out from behind the dumpster to see cops still running by. None of them bothered to check the alleyway where I was at.

“Ha! Those pigs are total idiots!”

I then coughed and wheezed. Oh yeah. The breathing thing.

“Well, well, well. If it isn't ol' K-Rog,” came a baritone (not sure if that's the right description, but what I'm getting at is that it was deep) voice. What I saw in front of me was this tall man with a baseball cap and a sinister smile. In other words, stranger danger.

“I don't know how you know me, but I should inform you that the police are currently after me, so if you try any funny business, they'll probably shoot you too.”

“This is a lovely alleyway,” he responded. Or didn't respond? It sure didn't sound like a reply.

“Yeah, yeah, that's what a predator would say.”

“You'll soon get to know me,” he lunged at me, but I jumped out of the way and ran out from the dumpster. My lungs were still on fire. Now, logic would dictate that I would be safe, but no. Mr. Predator Man grabbed me by the back of my shirt just as I started to run and lifted me up.

“Hey! Let me go!”

He ran out into the streets, and I tried to struggle free, but damn, he had a tight grip.

Anyway, although I was quite the fighter, I don't always end up a winner. After like an hour, I ended up in some spooky warehouse building. Man, I really didn't like the way things were going.

“Name's Marco, kiddo.”

“And I give a fuck why?”

“Oh, you will. Mm...yes. My head is clear today. Just like the skies. You cannot see them because we're indoors, but trust me. It's beautiful.”

“Yeah, well maybe I prefer the indoors, anyway.”

“Let's cut to the chase, buddy: I want you to join my hacktivist group, Lilypad.”

I gasped.

“I heard of you guys! I thought your group was so cool!”

He laughed.

“So you'll join? I didn't think it would be that easy.”

“Yeah, over my cold, dead, body. I liked you guys back when I was like 10 and just learning to DDoS. You guys are cringe now, though. Like, what do you even do?”

He looked taken aback.

“Our goal is to make the world a better place for frogkind and we need your help. The Flashbulb, an organization that we're sure Conrad has told you all about, is threatening to cause the extinction of amphibians everywhere, but with you --”

“Pass.”

“What?”

“Look, sure, I'm a hacker, but you and I are totally different. I only hack to do noble things, like order figurines online without having to pay any money. I can't get behind your cause.”

Dude looked floored.

“In the end, I won't force you, but I think you should get all the facts, first. Besides, there are no places to run. Even if you manage to leave this place, I have connections all around the city. Now...”

He pressed a button on a small remote and the doors to the warehouse opened up. His mistake, since as soon as they started opening up, I bolted for it.

“...I should have considered this would happen,” I could hear him say. Too little, too late, my not-friend.

Outside, I found myself at a dock, but that didn't matter much to me. I ran up some stairs and once I saw the main road, I knew how to get to my parent's place from here.

Now I'm on the run from not only the cops, but also a creeper.

The whole way home, I checked behind me to see if I was being chased. Even when I couldn't see any signs of a pursuer, I continued running, only stopping probably, like, a thousand times to catch my breath.

As sad as it may have been to admit, my parents weren't the best people. I hadn't seen them in, I don't know, weeks? Months? A year? Well, I had to cut my losses eventually and just try to seek refuge somewhere. So when I went up the stairs and knocked on the door to the apartment, of course this is what my mom said to me:

“Kelly Roger? Is that you? Oh my god! I missed you so much! We've been worried sick about you! I remember filing a missing persons report on you over a year ago, but nothing ever came of it! Please, come in! Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, yeah. You guys have Wi-Fi?” I barged into the apartment, went into the room that was once my bedroom and grabbed a spare laptop and an old backpack.

My dad appeared in frame and shook his head. “We're terrible sorry, money's been tight. We've been struggling just to pay rent.”

How shocking. I couldn't believe what I heard.

“Well, it was nice seeing you guys. No Wi-Fi, no stay.”

I walked back down the stairs and my mom called for me. “Wait! Where are you going?”

“Somewhere with Wi-Fi,” I replied, my words bitter and filled with sorrow.

Yes, sometimes families aren't the best, and sometimes, you just had to go your own way, and that is just what I did.

“Can you believe that, Polo?!”

“Polo.”

“I know, right?!”

“Polo.”

“Now what are we going to do? Kelly Roger was integral to our...” I lost my train of thought due to having another thought. Of me. In another time. “Oh yeah. I was already succeeded once.”

I began laughing.

“Now why do I need the world when I've already got the city under my thumb?”

I laughed harder. My sister was right there, probably not very amused.

“Oh, Polo, dear sister. Don't worry. We will get you a girlfrog yet. Girlfrog? Frogfriend? Let's settle on girlfriend for now. It's simple and easy to remember.”

“Polo!”

“Yes. Gay frogs are the future.”

Kelly Roger not being a part of our little family put a dent in things, but it was not the end of the world. That wouldn't come for at least another three years. For the time being, I would need to continue building my empire.

“Come, sister. We must see how our gay siblings are doing back at the base.”

Hand in hand, Polo and I took to our froggy destination.

Bitter didn't even cut it; I was sipping on some strong coffee.

No, I wasn't where I wanted to be. Neither in life, nor physically. Where I was was some overrated coffee shop where Wi-Fi was for “customers only”. Like, who did they think they were? This was a public utility. People should have rioted, but instead they all just ordered their overpriced coffee.

Then there was me: hypocrite of the year. No complaints, just ordered the darkest roast they had and ordered that dark roast black. As I stared into the cup, I reflected on my situation.

No friends, no home, no trust. Enemies around every corner. Cops scavenging for my scent, their pocket lined by whoever it was they worked for. Conrad would have said some light bulb people, but me? I knew corruption when I smelled it. There was work at play that delusional snake couldn't even imagine.

...But I could, because I was the best at digging up dirt.

I looked up and noticed a security camera in the corner of the ceiling. I lowered my cap (well, I found it on the ground in an alleyway on the way to the coffee shop. For all I knew, it could have belonged to that Markov guy or whatever his name was, but it was mine now) so the camera couldn't catch my face.

I stared back at my laptop and tried to plan out my next line of attack. My stomach growled, which wasn't good, but not much I could do about that. I needed money. Not just to eat, but to survive in this dog-eat-dogshit world. Luckily, I found a five dollar bill on my way to the coffee shop, but now that was gone, used up to pay for this bitter reminder of my situation.

What I need is a job. It's probably not that hard to fake a social security card.

There was one time when I just got out of high school when I worked a job. Papa Dad's Pizza or something like that. Don't mean to brag or nothin', but I was too good for those losers. So, of course, the manager conspired to get rid of me. One day, he gave me a call to break the news:

“Kelly Roger, why aren't you at work?”

“Sorry, boss, but an emergency situation came up and I had to stay home.”

“You should have called in!”

“Yeah, but the new Fire Emblem game just came out and it's taken up all my attention.”

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah, crazy, right? Apparently they added a gay romance option and I've been trying to pursue Byleth, but dude's hard to woo!”

“You're not at work 'cause of some VIDEO GAME?”

“It be like that sometimes, boss.”

“You're fired!”

The call ended without me able to plead my case. All I could do was go back to tending to royal pretty boys. Real tragic gamer moment.

Ah, but that was then. I've grown since then. I wasn't about to let something like 'being fired' stop me from working. I knew my worth and I knew I was worth more than some shitty pizza joint.

All it took was seconds, and I found a place. I went ahead and sent them an email:

Dear assholes,

Your computer repair shop looks dope as fuck, but you really ought to hire someone who knows their shits. I just defaced your website and put porn on the front page. Now, if you hire me, I can remove it, and keep your site secure so shit like that doesn't happen. Attached is my resume. There's nothing on it because I think my skills speak for themselves.

Sincerely,

K.R.

If I just gave out my name, that'd be self-incriminating. Only a complete moron would do that. Too many wandering eyes out there to do something so moronic. Initials, on the other hand? That could mean anything. Smarts right there.

Within minutes, I got my reply:

Dear KR,

Thank you for applying to RAM It In, your one-stop shop for all your computer repair needs. After reviewing your resume, we have decided to move on with other applicants at this time. Furthermore, we are not currently looking for a web designer. We wish you the best in your future endeavors and invite you to apply again once you've had more experience.

'Experience'? Really? As if someone like me needed 'experience'. Didn't they know who I was? I've got a whole-ass reputation.

My stomach growled once again.

Fine. Maybe I know my worth, but I also gotta eat. Sometimes, you gotta degrade yourself just to get by.

I stood up from my seat and went up to the front counter.

“Hey, you're gonna give me a job.”

“Uh, that's not really how that works,” the barista informed me, some acne ridden brunette teenager.

I felt bad for that poor kid. Probably 16, first job, didn't know how cutthroat the world could truly be. So naive. I was a teenager once. Just a couple years ago, in fact. But I've grown since then.

“Listen, Karen,” I set the record straight. It wasn't like I knew her name, but I had to sound authoritative. “Get your manager out here and we'll talk turkey. Or tofurkey, if that's how things roll around here.”

“I think you would be the Karen in this situation...”

“Manager. Now.”

She scurried off into the back. After a solid thirty seconds, the manager appeared. Some guy with one of those hipster-beards and hipster-glasses and that 'realer than thou' attitude. I wasn't about to learn that guy's name.

“Hey, boss man. You're gonna give me a job.”

“Yeah...” he didn't sound so pleased with me. Was I going to have to step up my assertiveness? “...That's not really how any of that works. See, first you fill out an application online, then maybe I'll call you for an interview, and then maybe after the interview, you might get the job.”

“Yeah, screw all those unnecessary steps. I already know how to make coffee. You just press some buttons and shit.”

“You also have to have good customer service skills.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally. I can do that no problem. Here, want me to prove it?”

There was some soccer mom walking by. I stopped her.

“Hey asshole, you want some coffee? Of course you do, you junkie!”

“Excuse me?” With her Pomeranian-type haircut, I could tell she would be a formidable foe. One of those types whose bark was not only worse than her bite, but a bite in of itself. Sure enough, she turned to the manager who was surely about to hire me.

“This young man...ma'am? This young...hooligan is harassing me! If you don't remove them from the store, I'm gonna sue!”

The manager raised an eyebrow. Probably the more obscure eyebrow of the two he had.

“Yeah, I'll have to ask you to leave. We can't be having you causing a scene.”

“Fine!” I huffed. “What's this place called, anyway?” I squinted my eyes. Their sign was so hard to read. Pretty sure I needed a new prescription. “Starbutts? Yeah, I never liked your shitty coffee, anyway! I'm off to bigger and better things.”

I stormed off, picking up my laptop and backpack on the way out. If it wasn't obvious, I was too good for that place, anyway. That establishment wouldn't survive long without the likes of me in their ranks. If anything, they needed me, not the other way around. But it was too late for them. They made their beds.

Speaking of bed making, I had no idea what I was going to do in terms of sleeping arrangements. Although the sun hadn't even come down yet, I was feeling pretty exhausted, so I found the nearest alleyway (a common occurrence by now) and dug through a dumpster. Inside was a large cardboard box. I folded it up and got inside.

If Solid Snake could do it, I should have no problem.

My eyes grew heavy. Real amazing how under the right conditions, the human body could sleep through anything.

As luck would have it, rain poured down.

Man, work was so boring. Lemme tell you, I just stare at a screen all day. There's not even ever anything good on. Now, saying all that, people probably would have gotten the wrong idea. So lemme set the record straight: life is peachy. Why wouldn't it be? I've had a great job, I was hired on to a company with great benefits, and all I had to do was spy on people.

What? You ask? You've heard all that before? No, that can't be right. First off, that redhead named Velvet was as good as dead. Besides, my hair is a normal brunette. I take my job seriously and I'm loyal to my company. She's got nothin' on me.

What? You've heard all that before, too? No, that can't be right, I'm--

“Celia V, are you lost in thought again?”

“HEY! FUCK YOU! I WAS NARRATING!”

Never mind that just now. That was just my boss. You know, head of the ETNA Corporation. Yeah, like I really needed to keep that a secret. Get real. We're, like, hidden behind seven layers of security, and just like Dante's Inferno, I'm on the sixth layer.

“Are you paying attention? Your observation on the one known as 'Kelly Roger' is vital.”

“Yeah, yeah. It's just so boring. I don't get why I'm doing this. Why not Conrad? Or Velvet? Or even the one that got away? What was their name again? Brawny? Yeah, lemme observe a roll of paper towels.”

“I have my reasons for my orders.”

I puffed my cheeks.

“Sure you do, but all's I'm saying is this kid's a loser. If you're that concerned, couldn't you just get a cop or a Prinny to kill them?”

“If you really must know, I have reason to believe that Kelly Roger poses no threat. However, I still wish to keep a close eye on them. Conrad must have had a reason to recruit Kelly Roger.”

“Hey doc, has it ever occurred to you that Conrad's an idiot, too?”

“Yes. Most are of low intelligence when compared to one such as I.”

“Not what I meant. I just mean, maybe there wasn't a very good reason. Maybe Conrad just figured three's company.”

I stroked my chin. I didn't have a beard or nothin', just thought that's what all the cool people did when they were in the middle of deep thought.

“Actually, now that you mention it, yeah. You may have a point, there. That's why you're the boss, huh?”

Yes...maybe there was some master plan that we didn't know about. Something that had gone under our noses the whole time. Maybe, just maybe, Kelly Roger was the key to it all.

When I woke up, the sun was shining and my clothes were damp and stuck to my skin, making me itch everywhere.

I did get a pretty nice rest, though. Maybe sleeping outside ain't so bad.

That's when I began to panic. It rained. That wasn't very cash money!

Just to be on the safe side, I checked my backpack. The outside was soaked, but inside, my laptop was still dry. What a relief.

Another relief was that I made it through an entire night without being mugged, robbed, beat up, or worse. Wasn't sure what could be worse, but another encounter with that Macaroni (that was his name, wasn't it?) man didn't sound pleasant.

“Now, my next course of action, should be...” I got up. I needed some plan. Just because a badass like me could survive a night in the streets didn't mean it would be a good idea to run into everything blind. Food, water, shelter. Basic human needs. If I was a basic human. “Nah, I'm no normie. What I need is my body pillow! How am I supposed to sleep without my waifu, in pillow form, to hug?”

Yes. All who were cultured knew the importance of having a husbando and/or waifu. Someone to hold. Someone two-dimensional. Without someone like that, well...the world would be cold.

When I last saw my waifu, who at the time, was the great and esteemed Palutena, she was locked away underground in the bunker. While I originally had no intention of ever going back there, some things were just too important. Not only did I leave my waifu, but also hard drives filled with hundreds of anime series and a handful of hentai, too. Those things were too precious to leave behind.

But didn't the base get raided, or something?

There my mind went, going straight to the negatives. Bad mind!

Maybe my room's still intact, at the very least. If it is, maybe I could go back, and sleep there. I would have a shelter and –

Spoilers: that didn't happen. When I got to the university, there was a large crowd. After shoving past everyone, seeing the yellow tape, I fell to the ground.

“My...waifu...”

Indeed, the university had all been reduced to rubble.

I looked around. There were cops. That was no good. They could have recognized me (and my brilliance, let's be honest here). I needed to bounce.

As I made my way through the crowd, I thought I was in the clear. That was, until some lady with a brown pony tail stopped me. She wore both a police uniform as well as a fake mustache. Very suspicious.

“Hey! You there!”

Shit. Okay, Kelly Roger. Act like a Normie. Be cool.

“Did you attend this school?”

“What's it to you?” I groaned.

“Just answer the question.” She tapped a baton against her hand. I gulped.

“Yeah.”

“What was your major?”

“Hentai studies.”

“BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK? THAT'S NOT A REAL MAJOR!”

I flinched and stood back.

“Ugh. What's it to you, anyway?”

“If you don't answer truthfully, I will make your life a living hell, you got that?”

“Hey, look over there! Someone's existing while poor!”

“Huh?” She turned around. That was my cue. I bolted.

Damn, I can't believe that worked. I really am a genius, aren't I?

Hate to admit it, but Kelly Roger was good. To think they could really fool me with something like that. They were definitely hiding something, and now that I met Kelly Roger in person, I knew why Dr. Etna sent me to spy on them.

“Back to HQ I go. This just got interesting.”

Pretty sure I lost track of that police lady. Good. I peeked out from the corner of the building I hid behind, just in case.

No sign of her.

Now, I would have let out a sigh of relief, if my breathing wasn't all out of whack. What I needed was an inhaler.

“Or...some...plushies...”

Could I even do that? Could I hack my way into ordering plushies online without having to pay? The answer would have been a resounding yes, but there was one problem: what address would I have sent it to?

I shook my head. After a good while, my breathing got normal again. Long while, but normal breathing, nonetheless.

That lady was not normal. That much was obvious. My best guess was that she wasn't any old police officer. Not that any of the police officers were good, they were all under the control of something. Between that lady, the corrupt cops, and that strange frog guy, there was something going on in my city, and I wouldn't let it persist. It was time to step up, and if no one else was going to uncover the truth, then I would.

Besides, maybe I'd be paid lots of money for my detective work.

“You there!” At first I thought the fake cop lady had found me. No, instead it was some grubby looking man in tattered clothing. What a relief. “Gimme all your money! I've got a knife!”

Gimme a break. I'm not interested in being mugged right now.

“Oh, sure. Lemme just get it out of my backpack.” I should be careful, if he sees my laptop, he could steal it and bring it to a pawn shop or something and get cash from it. My laptop's worth way more than whatever they'd give him at a fuckin' pawn shop!

After I pulled out just what he needed, I got up.

“Lookie here, I got a knife, too!” Ah, my trusty knife. Not to brag or anything, but my knife was much prettier and much sharper. Longer, too. So glad I didn't leave it at the bunker. “Now, what you got on you?”

“Uhh...I got a phone.”

“Give it here,” I grunted. “No funny business, either.”

He brought a phone out of his pocket and handed it over.

“Good, good. Now run, before I make a rare steak outta you!”

He ran for it, dropping his knife on the ground. His was just some flimsy pocket knife. I took that too, for good measure. Once he was out of sight, I blinked.

“Wow. I can't believe that actually worked.”

Now that I had a cell phone (even if, as it would turn out, it was one of those pay-as-you-go phones), I was ready to take on whatever sinister forces lurked under the surface.

[thatyanderecritic]

Deathless

Title: Deathless

Media: Book, Author: Catherynne Valente

Yandere(s): Koschei the Deathless (Or as Julie and I like to call him: “Kosher”)

Yandere Scale: 1/5 (Julie: 0/5)

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

Before we begin, Julie and I have two different views on this book. To keep things clean, I did the review while Julie did an analysis; which you can read here.

The Review:

Sigh… Kai here, back with another review. This time I’ll be reviewing the confusing and difficult to follow novel: Deathless. Bear with me as we go down this rabbit hole of a review.

Now booting Kai 2.0 … Version: Salty

Deathless is a story about… uh… Deathless is a tale about a girl named Marya (Mary? Maria? Idk how to pronounce any of these Russian names if it’s not Ivan or Dimitri.) who get whisked away by the tsar of life: Kosher- I mean Koschei and become his wife. In the beginning of the book, Marya was seduced by Koshei and his magical lifestyle. After succeeding in the three tasked made by Baba Yaga (yeah, IDFK. Apparently the Baba Yaga and Koschei are siblings), Baba Yaga gives her blessing to Marya and Koschei’s wedding. But Marya was warned that she would leave Koschei in the future and fall in love with a man named Ivan. Marya swears that’ll never happen; she’ll kill Ivan and eat his heart. Immediately starting in part 2, Marya falls in love with Ivan in the middle of fighting a war with Koschei’s brother (IDFK man, this shit is hard to follow). Marya runs away with Ivan and together they suffer in hunger and poverty. Koschei goes running to Marya and begs for her to take him back. Marya locks Koschei up in her basement (fuck man, I’m so lost) and had Ivan promise to never look in the basement. For a time, things seem to be well with Marya fucking Koschei in the day and banging Ivan at night. But Ivan, being a nosy motherfucker, looks in the basement and discovers Koschei. After Koschei tricks Ivan to give him some water to drink, Koschei regain his magic and kidnaps Marya. Now in part 3 (the final part), Marya and Koschei are living a happy married life in a small Russian town with happy villagers. Things are going swimmingly till Marya gives birth to a little girl… that little girl being the embodiment of Koschei’s death. Koschei died and Marya is freed. Turns out that Koschei had the two of them trapped in a peaceful dream within an egg. But the thing is, Koschei’s death is hidden within an egg… which is why he died (Don’t look at me, I’m fucking tripping as it is as I’m recalling the story). Now back in the real world, Marya looks for Ivan; who was dying from old age. After watching Ivan die, Marya moves on and discovers a town like the town in the dream. There, all her fairytale friends are living there as humans.Only the Baba Yaga recalls Marya and explains how Koschei’s brother won the war and turn all the mystical into the normal. Koschei is still alive in the village and Marya decided to visit him to see if he remembers her… I guess. The ending is ambiguous.

Anyways… what the fuck did I just read? Well… Julie and I technically didn’t read the full novel. Our knowledge comes from a combination of: an 11 hour audiobook of Deathless (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck), the wikipedia summary, two reviews on Deathless, and the actual hard copy of the actual book (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck). Let me just complain here and say this book is damn near unreadable and almost unintelligible. First, people talk as if they’re the goddamn Riddler from Batman. Characters were unable to straight up say what they mean, phrases have double meaning, and it was like reading the writings of Dr. Seuss’s less talented brother. Descriptions were just a fucking pain in the ass to comprehend. Everything about this book was a fucking mental gymnastics. Julie and I had to stop every five minutes to decode what the hell is going on.

You see that? All that flowery words bullshit? Marya is just throwing up. JUST SAY SHE’S THROWING UP AND MOVE ON. CHRIST. It took Julie and I three minutes to figure out what this description was suppose to be about. And this was one of the easier descriptions. It doesn’t even help that the story itself is just plain nonsensical. It felt like I was reading the words of the author after she puked out alphabet soup. Already, Deathless was basis on a Russian folktale that was already wild. With the combination of awful dialogue and confusing description, it was just a maze of a book to traverse.

I get some people will argue with me that this is a good book. For one, I probably just don’t understand it because it’s not my culture. Sure, you might be right. But so is the author… Catherynne is an American. Not Russian. Besides, the original folktale that Deathless is based on was easier to follow than this crap. Next argument some might have is that “Deathless is too sophisticated for your simple mind to handle.” No. It’s not. It’s ridiculously complicated for no reason. Complicated does not mean well written. There is nothing wrong with writing something simpler… you’re trying to create a novel that all adults regardless of age can understand. Truth be told, the writing in Deathless reminds me of the stuff you’ll find in creative writing class. This sort of story would get notes everywhere saying “Less description. More action” or “What do you mean? Clarify.” You're not the next Da Vinci code but a storyteller. Can’t tell a story if it ain’t readable. To compare this book, I would compare it to those research papers you would read in college. Lots of information but written by someone who’s trying to sound smart.

Moving on from my bitching, let’s talk about the one thing people care about the most: the yandere and characters. Based on what Julie and I were able to figure out, Koschie is the supposive yandere here. First let’s talk about him. Besides talking like the chester cat from Alice in Wonderland, Koschie was a surprisingly passionate guy who really cares about Marya. The best scenes with Koschie are the scenes when he isn’t talking and just physically showing his physical affections for Marya (lol). You know the phrase: “You look better with your mouth closed”? That fits perfectly for Koschie. Koschie’s physical interactions with Marya is the only straightforward thing with this entire novel.It was the rain in a desert. Anyways… even though Koschie was a passionate guy, it doesn’t make him a yandere. He breaks many of our rules… but the biggest one he broke was that Koschie still fucks other women besides Marya and keeps a collection of his past wives in a factory. I know the anon explains that these wives were actually Marya in another cycle? But honestly, it doesn’t change anything for us. Btw, anon, you’re seriously a champion for figuring that out. Julie and I did not know at all that this was supposed to be a cycle at all. Shit… I feel like we’re a part of game theory for trying to figure out what this author even means. Spoiler alert: If you have to do a conspiracy theory on your novel, your book ain’t that great.  

Sorry… back to Koschie. Anyways, Koschie says some pretty words here and there. He sounds pretty yandere on paper… I guess. But Koschie bangs other chicks and lets Marya bang other dudes too on the side. Sure, I guess this is a progressive poly relationship. Good for them. But poly relationship plus yandere? It just doesn’t mix. This ain’t it chief. Koschie skims on the edge of being a yandere and being not a yandere. Sure he kidnaps Marya, kill some dudes that have the name Ivan, and say some possessive shit to her, but the actions just doesn’t line up. I don’t know… with the cycle theory in play here, I just see Koschie as a broken man who’s trying to reclaim control over his life. Not exactly a yandere per say. Like imagine: getting cuckold by some normal human, over and over again. Shit, I would go crazy too. I feel really bad for Koschie for falling in love with/having a wife like Marya. Apparently, Koschie and Marya are the same type of people but idk man… Marya is kinda of a crazy bitch too.

I’ll just briefly talk about Marya now. As we all know, a female lead defines a yandere. And Marya? Yikes man. I don’t know where to start with her. First off, Marya somehow managed to be both smart and stupid at the same time. We see that she’s clever enough to solve Baba Yaga’s tasks but she so goddamn stupid. Because of her curiosity, she’s extremely meddlesome and got Koschie almost killed even though he told her not to fuck with the egg… yet she fucks with the egg anyways. Then we jump to part two where Marya is more jaded and blames Koschie for all her misfortune (Idk). It’s not like he did anything bad to her. Honestly, reading their interactions, Koschie has been nothing but a gentleman to her. Besides the fact he bangs other women and like to do some weird power play on Marya, he’s pretty chill. If anything, she brought her own misfortune herself. She chased after Koschie because she’s fascinated by magic and wanted to be part of that world. Now that she’s part of that world, she doesn’t want to bare the burden of it anymore and return back with the humans; with Ivan. Btw, Marya wanted to sort of “keep” both Ivan and Koschie at the same time (because she’s thirsty). I mean… I get the sentiment, but Koschie literally stated that he wasn’t comfortable with that but Marya had her bitchy mode where she scratched Koschie and told him not to talk to her in that way (Weird flex but okay?). Ivan wasn’t cool with the arrangement either, hence why Marya left with Ivan. But oh the irony. Marya left with Koschie to avoid suffering, hunger, and fascination for magic but now with Ivan, Marya returned back to a life of suffering, hunger, and the normal. Again, more irony, Marya and Ivan have a fight because of their lifestyle. This is the part where Koschie comes begging at her door. And Marya, only being able to think with her vagina now, bangs Koschie and locks him in her basement. Just like how Koschie did a weird power play over Marya, Marya now does a power play over Koschie. One of the more fucked up lines Marya said to Koschie was along the lines of, “Lol. Look at you. Trapped in my basement… waiting for my attention while you abandon the war outside.” Like mega yikes my dude. I know Julie and I asked for a twisted female protagonist, but we asked for a relatable twisted female protagonist. Not… this. I guess Marya is strong? But… weird. Honestly… I lost any relatability with Marya the minute she started bouncing between Ivan and Koschie. And with how… sadistic she became towards the end, I don’t blame Koschie’s action. That’s a broken man with possible stockholm syndrome at this point.

Anyways… to summarize… I don’t know what I just read. Story is confusing. Characters are weird. I just have a bunch of puzzle pieces in my hand and a couple of yandere like lines. I suppose I can appreciate Koschie as an aesthetic. He says some pretty neat things, physically sounds sexy, and does some yandere like actions. So… I give him one yandere pity point for the attempt.... He might have shine better if the story was actually good.

Overall score: 1/10