#are we seeing how much i wrote

[agustdiv1ne]

so... ORIGINALLY i was thinking about perv!lifeguard!swim teacher!beomgyu cause of that one thing w soobin a while back, but then i decided I want to write that so you get:

(my mind actually went blank here so i looked at txt wet hair pics for inspo) (and then used my life as inspo too) (so if you don't mind...) (YES IM MANIFESTING THIS IRL W POOL BOY (yes ik his real name sjbdj) BUT WTV 🙏)

perv!yeonjun who goes to the same pool you do, on the same regular basis as you, and when you tell your friends how cute you think he is, you think it's just a coincidence 🤭 little do you know he's practically obsessed with you and the way you move through the water so effortlessly, curves and rolls and dimpled thighs on full display <3 and when he found you go to the pool on a similar schedule as him, well, he wouldn't pass that up for anything... brushing past you in the pool just to get a chance to feel your skin against his, imagine his surprise when he finds out he has a personal connection to you... friend's friend's sister, and best of all, you're both headed to a party together the next week... 🤭

OH MY GOD YEAH,,, perv!jjun x chubby!reader 🔛🔝

yeonjun remembers the very first moment that he saw you, the way your curves spilled out the sides of your swimsuit, your ass and tits barely hidden by the thin fabric — god, you're an image to behold, and he sure as hell wants a taste...little does he know, you have similar thoughts about him, how his strong arms would feel around you, how his hard chest would feel pressed against your back as he takes you from behind....

he's pleasantly surprised to learn that you're not a complete stranger that he'll never see again when he sees you at a party the next weekend, short denim shorts and crop top leaving little to the imagination,, and when you strip down to your bikini right in front of him to get into the house's pool?? fuck, he feels himself getting hard. how innocent you seem, unknowing just how much power you hold over him — but you're not that innocent, not really. you've been catching him eyeing you all night, even your friends have confirmed your suspicions, and perhaps you're feeling a little bold,, you go up to him as he stands alone, just observing the party, bikini clinging to your wet skin, and introduce yourself

it doesn't take long for the two of you to move somewhere more..private, especially after he sat you in his lap as you got to know each other better, his half-hard cock pressing against your sensitive pussy and you grinding back into him, ever a tease,,, he pushes you into vacant bathroom inside the house, bending you over the counter as he shoves his shorts and boxers down and your bikini bottoms to the side, exposing your cute lil cunt, all wet and ready for him...with little prep, he bottoms out rolls and wastes no time in pounding into you, reveling in your loud cries that he's sure everyone outside can hear,,holds you by your hair to keep you from burying your face in your arms, loving how ruined you look in the mirror for him, your body jiggling with every harsh roll of his hips,, and don't think he isn't going to tell you how pretty you look, how well you take his cock, slapping your ass just to watch it quake against his hand,, pulls out to cum onto the pretty rolls of your back, painting your skin with white ropes of cum — and before you can even think, he's on his knees behind you, nosing your entrance and breathing in your delicious scent before his tongue is ravaging your pussy til you cry <3333

...yeah, he's gonna have a lot of fun with you this summer 😵‍💫

[ruporas]

i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.

[laniemae]

The sexualisation of Mikoto, stalking, and how the fandom is repeating this.

CW: Stalking, sexual harassment, fanservice, murder

I’ve been thinking a lot about Double’s thumbnail, and especially the stalking theory. And if you think about it a lot basically everything fits up and that his victim was likely his stalker. Although a lot about what happened I never really have seen discussion on the why or how it’s been happening, so I just want to give my thoughts and theories on this all before Double.

The fanservice in MeMe:

The fanservice in MeMe has always felt really off to me. Milgram never has any fanservice-y stuff, minus Yuno in Tear Drop, but it’s only just her revealing outfit and nothing to do with strange camera angles or whatnot, and it’s very important to her character. For me and what I’ve think the consensus in the fandom has been, is it’s nothing more than that. That the fanservice is only there to appeal to thirsty fans or whatever. But I’ve been thinking a lot, and with the music videos extracted from prisoners minds, everything has a meaning in one way or the other. So for the creators to just throw a bunch of fanservice scenes in MeMe with no meaning apart from just plain fanservice feels really counter intuitive to the whole point of the MVs. And especially how this has never happened before makes it really strange to me. And with this idea in mind and going back to the stalking theory I mentioned earlier, I think it’s disgustingly clear what has happened to Mikoto.

Mikoto being watched:

I think what’s going on is that Mikoto was stalked for sexual reasons. The constant scenes of him in embarrassing moments (taking of his shirt, having a shower, having a bath) is what the stalker has been seeing and this subconsciously put itself into MeMe from Mikoto’s POV. Camera imagery in MeMe is very prevalent, from at the beginning him grabbing the camera and at the end him picking it up and punching it. I think this is supposed to represent him realising he’s being stalked and trying to hunt down who’s been doing it, and the destruction of the camera at the end to represent him killing the person. 

Also around the middle of the song, we see security cam footage of him entering his apartment and crying on his couch, with Mikoto hyperventilating and gasping in the background. I feel like with everything I’ve said before this scene makes it extremely clear, that someone put up a bunch of camera around his house to catch him in those moments, if we’re taking that scene literally.

Then it cuts to him laughing at the screen in darkness, and the aforementioned fanservice scene right after this sequence of events really makes things scary to what was happening in his house. And also like I said before about the hyperventilating during this scene. I could mean multiple things such as him having a panic attack, being actually attacked or worse.

And the imagery of being watched doesn’t stop at just the camera stuff. At the beginning of MeMe in the scene at the train station, the camera moves around from behind a wall to reveal Mikoto sitting there holding a bat, like someone is watching him directly. To further back this up there’s a vignette around the edge of the camera and wee see it blink, like from a POV shot. And after the blink Mikoto disappears, and then we see him outside swinging a bat at the POV (just want to note this is outside and is probably in a different place than the train station, but I don’t know what to make of that right now, and how also the vignette I pointed out before isn’t present here). Then it cuts back to the scene in the train station, now with Mikoto holding a bat and walking towards someone on the ground, attacking them. Noticeably the vignette is still here in this scene, so the person Mikoto was attacking likely wasn’t his stalker, perhaps he just thought they were.

Wait I suddenly just got a theory from this. I just mentioned how the vignette in the scene I just mentioned likely means that Mikoto attacked someone else and the stalker was watching on. Me and basically everyone else has assumed that guy was his victim, but then what about the stalker? I’ve always strongly believed that Mikoto only killed one person but now I’m just starting to doubt that. If MeMe is to be taken in chronological order in this part, he probably killed that guy then realised that he was continuing being stalked. And as I said at the beginning of my analysis I mentioned that Mikoto punching the camera at the end could be representative of him killing the stalker and ending it (also to mention he gets the death card right before hand). And I didn’t think of it when I wrote that but what if he did actually kill multiple people in an attempt to kill his stalker. Hmm.

And going back to what I was talking about before, he probably entered his apartment afterwards and switched to Bluekoto after it was assumed everything was safe now. (Just saying I’m using Mikoto interchangeably to refer to all of the alters as it’s not clear who’s doing what, but this takes the theory of that blue was the murderer and not the other/s into account, because there’s a part of me that feels it wasn’t him attacking those people as red/green has a strong desire to protect blue and hide him from the traumatic events taking place).

I feel like I’ve gone way off track with what I’ve been saying here because while writing this I just keep noticing more and more stuff to write down and I just thought of someone thing again.

Every time it appears that Mikoto killed someone (the train scene, the garbage scene although the bag doesn’t look like a human body just saying), it cuts to a fanservice-y scene right after, maybe implying that the person he killed wasn’t the stalker, and he’s still being watched afterwards. Although this makes the bath scene kinda out of place as it doesn’t take place after a murder I think, and someone mentioned it was before the shower scene which kinda debunks this but I just wanted to mention this because why not.

Mikoto’s mindscape in MeMe:

Another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is every character’s “mindscapes” as I call them. Yuno has an empty pink void with a tower, Fuuta has a fantasy land, Mahiru has a room inside a birdcage ect. And all of these places represent an aspect of their characters. Yuno’s representing her feelings of emptiness, Fuuta feeling that everything he’s doing is for justice and that he’s a cool hero, Mahiru being trapped and sheltered in an ideal concept of love and stuff like that. I’m going to make a theory on this in the future as it’s very interesting to me but Mikoto’s mindscape is always something that’s confused me.

Mikoto’s mindscape is a parallel of his apartment. Down to the couches, tables and everything, but lacking the bookcase and tv being buried in the water for whatever reason.

(Also I just noticed but there’s a blue thing behind the couch that Mikoto laid his head down on before which could be a bed or whatever. But in the mindscape and this other shot we don’t see it???)

(Actually maybe we do if we squint, oh well)

Okay, okay back to what I was actually going to say. The furniture from the apartment appearing in the mindscape makes sense, but what about everything else? The broken, tiled walls, the mirror, how everything is covered in a thin layer of water, the clear blue sky. There’s a bunch of this stuff I could analyse in my future post about mindscapes but I’ll just say the stuff that relates to what I was talking about earlier. But to say it right now, I think all that other stuff is supposed to be the bathroom we see him in.

Notice here the tiles are exactly the same, and we even see the same mirror he looks at himself in, in real life then Mikoto in the mindscape.

Also to point out how the Mikoto we see looking into the mirror here is wearing a sleeve and likely in the mindscape and as someone mentioned, since the ahoge is backwards it’s likely a reflection. Although it’s strange that it has the same green filter both ways.

After this we see bluekoto (presumably) fall backwards into the water. And another strange thing I noticed is that this mirror is behind the couch, but when he falls down the couch is tipped over.

Don’t know what it make of this but again I’m just constantly pointing stuff out I notice as writing this.

So basically I think the mindscape is a mix of the living room and the bathroom. The furniture from the living room and the water, mirror and tiles from the bathroom. But this makes things confusing, why the bathroom? Why would Mikoto project imagery of his bathroom into his own mindscape? This brings me to what I was saying before. The walls in the mindscape are completely collapsed, providing no closure or privacy to this “room”. The sky is also out, so his mindscape feels very exposed. And what I said earlier about my staking theory. It’s likely that someone placed cameras up in/around his bathroom to record him naked, a complete breach of privacy and that’s why this mindscape is so exposed and has elements from there. Even in this world that he created, he still doesn’t feel safe at all.

The audience and the repeating of Mikoto’s trauma:

Basically to sum it up from what I’ve said. Mikoto was being stalked and sexualised by someone. Cameras were placed up around his house to record him in embarrassing situations and he figured out, and attempted to kill the stalker.

But here’s one thing, that story we likely see in MeMe is happening again. But with the audience.

When MeMe came out everyone went ballistic. Lots of people were very surprised in how violent it was, how compared to the calm preview we saw it instantly started off with death metal and destroyed every idea we had about him, and kept switching between being calm and violent. But what I want to walk about right now is the reaction to the fanservice.

As we all know, when MeMe released a horde of thirsty tiktokers came over and started absolutely obsessing over Mikoto and all the fanservice scenes we see. Things got so out of control that people tried to vote him innocent just because he was hot and even jackalope bought this up. But thinking about this, it’s getting dangerously close to what I think happened in his story. Being filmed in embarrassing moments without consent, and having people obsess and sexualise you for that. The music videos are representative of the prisoner’s minds, and in no way would have Mikoto known how he was shown naked and shirtless for a huge chunk of MeMe. Same as him being stalked and recorded in his story if I’m right.

The fandom here is doing exactly what his perpetrator did to him down to a T. It’s almost like what happened with Amane when people tried to reverse her brainwashing by showing her tough love by not forgiving her, exactly like what the cult did to her to try and make her obey them more. This thing is happening to Mikoto as well as Amane and repeating their traumas. And also to mention how Mikoto has DID which is a result of repeated childhood abuse so it’s likely this has been happening to him alot and just can’t escape from this reality. And for the alters to take in all the trauma and leave the host blissfully unaware of everything’s that’s happening.

This brings into account how the guilty prisoners can hear the voices of the audience judging them. Fuuta completely broke down as he was constantly harassed with strange voices judging him and denying his actions. And he’s mentioned a lot of times how he can’t stand this feeling of being watched and this manifests through the eyes in Backdraft. And with Mikoto from everything I’ve been saying before it’s very likely he has trauma from this. And now feeling like he’s being watched and hearing the voices of the audience, who we know constantly sexualises him. It’s likely he’ll have to relive his trauma once again that he thought he finally escaped…

Conclusion / TL;DR

To sum this whole theory up I believe that fanservice in MeMe actually has importance besides just fanservice. And it’s likely Mikoto was being stalked by someone and recorded in those situations, and he ended up hunting the person down and killing them. And now because of the audience’s constant thirsting over him and how the guilty prisoners can hear everything we say about them, Mikoto will have to relive his suffering again.

Other things I’d like to briefly mention but didn’t have any space to put in, Is how since Mikoto rides a bike instead of a train to work as he said but we see lots of train imagery. And I think what happened is that he was probably being harassed on the train and switched to going to work alone. And the thumbnail in Double we see him looking depressed, on a train surrounded by destroyed mannequins.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important

[whumpasaurus101]

“It’s alright,” Villain whispered against Hero’s ear, ensuring SuperVillain couldn’t hear, “I know you’re hurting, you don’t have to be strong for me.”

[lolhex12]

we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

[javelinbk]

Paul: We got down to Miami, which was... well, I mean that was just like paradise. Because, I mean, we'd never been to anywhere where there was palm trees. And we took a lot of photos, you know... we were like tourists, and we had our Pentax cameras Paul: We had a great time there. We stayed in a hotel most of the time and sort of looked down on the sand where the kids, the fans, would write 'I love John' on the sand, you know, so you could read it from your hotel room Ringo: This was just the most brilliant place I'd ever been to, and people were lending us yachts, or anything we wanted. This family lent us their boat, and they let me drive... about a sixty-foot yacht, a speedboat... which I proceeded to bring in to port, head-on (laughs)... not really knowing much about driving speedboats... and so, you know, they have those pretty rails on the front, hanging off... well, this was (crashing sound)... just bent the bugger all over the place. But they didn't seem to mind, you know, they were just happy.

Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr talking about the Beatles trip to Miami (13th-21st February 1964). The Beatles Anthology (1995)

[sohaoying]

unfinished business

[tricksterlatte]

There's something absolutely ironic and even compelling to me about the domino effect regarding Akechi and Sae's interactions. Akechi had to deceive everyone, including his coworkers. Sae in particular was closely tied to the investigations of the crimes he was committing, so of course appearing as non-threatening or even annoying as possible to her was in his best interests.

However, his petty but arguably feeble masquerade is what led to his cognitive self in Sae's brain presumably being easy for the Phantom Thieves to tie up? He was too good at deception and it led to Sae's perception of him being sopping wet cat, which was easy for the Thieves to subdue, so the threatening, real Akechi wouldn't stumble upon Sae's cognition of him as he went to murder Joker.

I know people usually discuss Shido's cognitive Akechi and the implications regarding Akechi's presentation of himself and his layers of deception, but Sae's is the direct contrast to Shido's, and it's very interesting to look at how being a petty little asshole to your stressed out hot lady coworker about her skincare routine can also contribute to her thinking of you a a nuisance at best (until it was almost too late for everyone involved, but hey, it worked out for the best? I think).

I love the layers of Akechi's deception because he was cunning to a fault. Sometimes I wish we could have seen how the Thieves interacted with Sae's cognition of him, because both Sae and Shido had a very biased perception of him, and it makes me wonder who really knew Akechi at all. I'm rambling here, but it's been on my mind for ages. I would love to see if her cognitive Akechi changed after 11/20, considering he went from annoying junior detective to a dangerous murderer in just one day for her, and she doesn't remember any of third semester or even 12/24 when he was there.

[fictionadventurer]

I know I just said that we shouldn't categorize people in history, but when it comes to the presidential podcast, I do find myself sorting presidents into "good" and "garbage" piles based on how they treated their wife.

Good

Ulysses S. Grant gets top marks here. I'm not crazy about his wife, but he was, and they're cute together. She was sunny and upbeat enough to boost him through a lot of years of struggle, and he was devoted to both her and the children.

Theodore Roosevelt was a loving husband to both his wives and a ridiculously devoted father to all his children.

James Garfield starts out in the garbage pile because he married her without love and had an affair, but the way they both overcame that to fall deeply in love is a pretty beautiful redemption.

Woodrow Wilson seems to have had a pretty good relationship with his wife. I know less about them so this is a tentative classification, but she was willing to basically help run the country after his stroke, so it suggests there was something good there.

Garbage

Warren Harding reigns in the garbage can. Multiple unrepentant affairs with long-term mistresses.

FDR was already on pretty shaky ground in my mind, but once I learned he had an affair with Eleanor's secretary, and then Eleanor stayed with him through polio, and then at his death he was with this same secretary while Eleanor was away, he lost a lot of points.

Middle Ground

Lincoln and his wife had a pretty rocky relationship, but from what I can tell they tried to make it work and were planning on taking steps to improve things before his death.

Chester Arthur's wife hated that he was constantly away on political business, which gives him a lot of bad husband points, but also she did want that high-class, high-status lifestyle, and from what I can tell he did love her and had a lot of regrets after she died.

[kekaki-cupcakes]

PJO RANT FOR THE ONE PERSON WHO ASKED :D

@seeking-further-illumination here you go, lol.

I think that the expectations of the show were for exactly what everyone wanted, because of Rick's involvement and the budget, but everyone imagined the books differently, so not everyone could ever be happy with it.

There's that, and it is marketed towards a younger audience and I'm not making any assumptions but most of the fans who aren't happy [from what I can see] are a bit older then the target audience [not that there's anything wrong with that, obviously, don't come at me], and if you re read the first book it's literally written for children.

There's literally backlash for everything ever made because for some reason people just can't chill [???] but I think the reason the Percy Jackson show had such a large amount of people unhappy with it is because we haven't had anything like it before. I don't know how to explain it but we've all created our own little versions of the show and made our own content for the fandom cause we were left to our devices for so long, so now that we have something, viewers already have these empires in their heads that they want to see on screen.

I'll just put it like this, if the show came out, like, a few years after the og book series, there would be less people unhappy with it.

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[hitmeupaep]

Little Post 15x18 Thing I Wrote

On a table etched with the names of loved ones lost, Sam finds Dean passed out, surrounded by beer bottles and a closed laptop. If there was one thing Sam knew for certain, it was that Dean would drink himself away first, save the world second.

“Jesus Dean, you're a mess,” Sam says shaking Dean awake and throwing away bottles “I have a lead on what to do about Chuck”

“Forget it” Dean murmurs as he awakes, eyes swollen and burned by blue light and tears

Sam pauses in shock and looks at Dean, he can't place it but whatever is going on with him feels different than their usual dread and defeat 

“Forget it? Are you insane?” He watches as Dean gets up and walks away, putting his hand to his eyes, “I get this is hard but we don't have time for one of your week-long binges” Sam spits out

Dean, back to Sam, replies “I said forget it Sam, this isn't a binge. We lost, just take it and move on” 

“Move on? the entire world is ending Dean get your head out of your ass” 

Dean turns to face Sam, eyes wet and face red with rage “It already did Sam” he yells “It ended 30 years ago when Chuck killed Mom and started all of this, it ended when he killed Jess to bring you back into this hellhole and he ended it again when he took Cas, so please tell me what the fuck you are still fighting for?” Dean spits out, chest heaving and body tense 

Sam sees Dean's rage and returns it without missing a beat “I'm fighting for us. I'm fighting for everything we lost, all those people that died because of us, I'm fighting for Cas and Mom and Jack and Eillen, what the fuck are you doing?

“Don't be an idiot Sam, none of that is real” Dean admits from a defeated come-down of rage. Rage turning to pain in seconds “All of it, everything we are and all the people we have loved are because of Chuck”

“Not Cas” Sam whispers into the silent room

Dean tenses at the name, turning away from his brother again

“He was real. You two were real”

Dean puts his hands to his head, trying to breathe in whatever alcohol he has left in his system so he doesn't have to think about this all again

“You owe it to him to fight, he saved you once, now it’s your turn”

Dammit, if only Dean knew how, he would charge into the empty and fix this

“What did he tell you when he first saved you? Good things do happen? Well than prove him right” Sam shouts, moving himself closer to Dean “What the fuck are you so afraid of?”

“Losing dammit” Dean screams out kicking the table leg

Sam stumbles back

“You say all of this and it sounds great but than what? We beat god? Not fucking likely”

Deans words sound like anger but Sam knows his brother well enough to know they come from something much darker “We have to try or else everything we did, everything Cas did, was for nothing”

“Don’t” Dean demands, pointing his fingers at Sam, like a threat

Sam doesn't back down, there's only one way to fix this and its both of them beating Chuck “You know it’s true dean, he saved you cause he knew you could stop chuck”

Sam's words lose their venom, and instead return to a little brother pleading to be heard

“He saved me cause he loves me” Dean confesses like it's the hardest secret he has ever kept 

Sam watches Dean go from angry to sad to angry to broken all in the matter of seconds “what?”

Dean exhales like a suicide note “He loved me. and i fucked up, so there’s no fight anymore Sam. we lost” 

“Losing Cas can’t be the end Dean” Sam says reaching for his brother

“Well it is. We lost our big win, the ace in our sleeves whatever you wanna call it, and know we have no shot beating chuck, so just drop it” Dean says grabbing the closest bottle and walking off into the bunker.

Followed only by the shadow of a grinning God

[corpsentry]

have you played the newest loz game?? your fics for the series are my favourite ever

so here's the deal. i bought totk the day it released. i got it. i started playing it but then we went on our long awaited planned it for 3 years 1 week vacation and less then 48 hours after i'd returned from that BAM, i was in australia. and what was there to do now? we played taiko, dog, so much taiko, we lived together, 3 college kids in an apartment with a balcony with a view of the city skyline. it was the craziest thing i'd ever done. i loved and cried and fought and learned and grew and got so mf good at taiko and learned that there was still more to do and cooked and cut onions and ate obscene amounts of yogurt and then when it was over it was already august and we were standing at the airport sobbing into each other's shirts not wanting to let go but eventually we did we got on our planes home and then, only then, did i find the space in my heart and schedule and hands to play totk. three weeks later, i was in america

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the real problem at the heart of this affair is that i still haven't found my motherfucking glider. where the fuck is it. i've combed the map north to south east to west i've found every goddamn character in the game but purah. purah you selfish selfish lady. where are you? where are you??????

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and so it was that they would not finish totk not for another several months not for possibly years. which is not to say that i don't want to, i miss writing fanfiction, i missed the drama and the scope of our ambitions and the burning need to write write write but i was also madly depressed and anxious and not doing well and that's where the writing came from, yknow dog? it existed because there was nothing else i could do. it saved my life. and now i am no longer in need of saving, now i've saved myself, i've been searching for years and years for the place where i can have my friends and lovers and stories and also have this. i still haven't found it. but i'll let you know when i do

[crescentfool]

i really love the rivalry that forms between two e-liters on different teams in splatoon. something about this matchup is inherently fun to me; it's a very unique experience that comes from playing the weapon with the longest range in the game.

you're unreachable. you're a dominating presence, the anchor to keep your teammates afloat. the battlefield is yours to watch over. your laser sight line sees all, aiding your teammates from a place of safety.

even as you snipe the frontliners who challenge you and your teammates, there's always one person who remains. they're just like you. another who pressures the enemy from afar, intimidating those who dare to push further. they're always within your sight, as are you to them.

your teammates want them splatted. and so do you. the rivalry begins.

it's about the refusal to get in range of them. the refusal to give up the space you control to the other e-liter. the dedication to staying alive for your team.

in spite of all these reasons to live, there's an undeniable temptation to throw yourselves at them. to try and surprise them with your superior range in a way your teammates can't. it's the ego of believing that you can get a good shot at them.

and so it becomes a dance, with your pride on the line. a dance to stay out of range of the other, alternating shots at each other as you rotate around the map. peeking out of cover, jumping behind blocks at the chance to splat them. any minute now, they'll slip up.

but you know that it's not that easy. after all, they know your tricks, and practiced the same techniques themselves.

they've splatted you. it's a death more embarrassing than letting a frontliner slip into your perch unnoticed. you overstepped. and yet, you can't help but respect them. their aim was just better than yours in that moment.

you're back behind cover. you find an opening, and jump over the block to shoot your shot. you've splatted them. more than any other opponent, you've watched and studied their positioning like a hawk, all for this moment.

and the cycle begins again. (until you pick a different weapon on the weapon select screen.)

[broflovski-brah]

left brain right brain but it’s kyle and kenny