#as if he isn't in that team for the very specific reason of his experience and he is absolutely delivering on that end

[rickybaby]

LB: Slightly trickier start for Daniel ...

PB: Trickier start in terms of race result. Amazing start as a team member. He has been helping us to find weaknesses with the car and especially, when it comes to set-up and the relation between aero-balance and technical balance - he's been very helpful. And actually Yuki is benefitting from that, but also at the same time, we see the speed that Daniel has. He's been doing really well, he just needs to put the lap together. And we above all, as a team, we need to help him and not mess up the pitstop as we did in Jeddah and then sending him out in full traffic. It's so tight in the midfield now and if you end up in that traffic, that's it. It's down to us to give him the car to deliver.

[shakingparadigm]

what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?

It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:

During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.

Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.

I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:

I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.

The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.

This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.

The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.

I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.

[arthenaa]

ikaw at ikaw (only you) — mizu x f!reader

synopsis: 4 times your team lead chose you and 1 time you chose her.

content: modern!au, office romance, you and mizu are creatives, specifically in the character and concept design department in a very very famous gaming company (take a guess), she is your creative director and lead designer and you are the concept artist, 4+1 format, FLUFF, work relations, dynamic, and position might not be accurate, forgive me, this is basically just me projecting yet again.

a/n: this is requested by @andieperrie18 ! the answer shit isn't letting me edit my answer so ill be @-ing you here. TYSM FOR ENJOYING MY WORKS !! means a lot ... u also chose pasilyo 🥹🥹🥹🥹 sunkissed lola is the best

1.

Being part of the creatives team was a nightmare.

To tell you the truth, the position for a Concept Artist with a specialty in 2D design wasn't actually all that bad. The monthly benefits and wage were something you're quite lucky to receive considering the constant side eye other departments have with the admin's treatment of the artist employees. This was also your dream job—having had to play their games, specifically, VALORANT, left you in awe and gearing to apply once you were ready for an Internship. After your OJT course, you were accepted for a position in Character and Concept Design and are considered one of the team's most beloved artists (Your followers on Twitter reckon so).

In short, the work environment was great. A solid 15/10 experience—I mean how can you beat a company that caters not only to you as an artist but also as a player? Nothing can beat that feeling of satisfaction once you see your work displayed on various monitors all around the world.

It was more of ... the relationships and interactions with that work space environment that left you grasping at a chance to breathe.

People think you're overreacting but you think it's completely reasonable.

"Yes, you are overreacting."

Your face falls at Taigen's words—watching as he plays a round of unrated in the company's leisure space decked with state of the art PC builds that could definitely beat your poor touchscreen fridge with just a move of its mouse. You could hear the familiar voicelines of Jett from VALORANT as he uses the character's abilities to swiftly enter the site and take a hold of the defenders' positions.

Taigen is part of the Gaming Development Department in the VALORANT Team. He often does routine user gameplay checks and one of its perks is that you literally just have to play the game and get paid for it. You think its unfair but then again, its Taigen. He's always unfair.

"I think you're just saying that to be mean," You frowned, eyes trained on his face—the lights reflecting back on his stupid, stupid, clear-skinned face. Taigen rolls his eyes but not an ounce of his focus leaves the game.

"Being honest equals to being mean, got it." Taigen's voice comes out in a sarcastic tone. You kick a speck of dust on the cement floor, twirling in the gaming chair you're seated on.

"I just think its a reasonable thing to complain about!" You throw your hands in the air in an attempt to get him to look at your side of things. "You're completely unfazed because your team lead has the patience of a mother with 7 kids."

You hear the familiar cue of an ACE kill as Taigen hits a headshot on the last player. The game's interface shifts to the winner screen and finally, he turns to you, pulling his headphones off and giving his best deadpan stare.

"You're freaking out over Mizu sighing over your concept design proposal for Neon and overanalyzed even the way she drank her coffee because you're obsessed with her like that." Taigen arches his eyebrow to make the situation all the more ridiculous. Your mouth closes and opens like a fish out of water. "Am I right? Wait no, don't answer that. I know I am."

"What the fuck?" Your voice comes out in a desperate attempt of self-defence but it ultimately just sounds defeated. Taigen chuckles as he turns back to his monitor to take a look at the game stats.

"Look," Taigen tries to be empathetic but you're pretty sure this is just to get you off his back. The queue for competitive is already up and running. "As your friend, I say this with the love that I have for you and your works but please, Mizu is just one woman. If my mind process went like yours, I would've assumed Akemi hated my very existence and this is coming from someone who IS dating Akemi."

You purse your lips in thought as he raises his eyebrows in exaggeration. You're not exactly sure why you approached Taigen with this problem but he was the only familiar face that you saw after walking out of the meeting room in a hurry.

But then the question in this situation is who exactly is Mizu?

Well, there were a lot of things you could associate with the familiar blue-eyed director. Mizu is your boss—the creative director for Concept and Character design for the VALORANT team. She oversees character ideas, map visuals, detailing, and the final approval for character and asset ideation before it's sent for building in the 3D and VFX departments. She is your employer but you can also consider her your friend, albeit a highly respected one (she did the character design for Jett and Yoru).

It's not that you were obsessed—Taigen is wrong, he's always wrong—it was definitely because you respected her very much. Being a Riot Design Lead is basically fucking God. You create and give life to ideas. She's part of the original team that worked on the pre-release of VALORANT during its early stages and got to see the whole thing unfold. Something you wished to see back then but glad that you were able to become part of the journey despite being a few patches late.

You respected her enough to always want to be on her good side. I mean, who wouldn't? She's talented and very... youthful-looking and one of Riot's youngest leads, you honestly think that being worried over her approval like this is just a matter of respect and definitely NOT obsession.

"You're doing that thing where you space out and I have to assume that it's probably because of Mizu, yeah?" Taigen's voice intercepts your reprieve and suddenly, a curl of your eyebrows creates a look of annoyance on your face.

"I am not obssesed with Mizu," You reiterate, but this time with your mouth. "I just... respect her."

Taigen leans back on his gaming chair, nodding as if you just told him that he didn't need to double double-click everything.

"That's the most unbelievable shit I've heard today," Taigen finally replies with a scrunch of his nose. Your jaw falls open.

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"Do fucking not—Stop it."

Taigen purses his lips, and makes a motion of zipping his mouth and shaking his head. You huff in anger. Taigen was never going to believe you.

Just as you were about to chastise him again for being mistaken, a knock on the glass doors notifies you of a new presence. You turn by instinct and your eyes widen in shock and probably, dread—who knows.

"There you are," Mizu's voice filters through your ears like classical music on a good Friday evening. You stammer slightly as she enters the area, eyes trained on you through those tinted orange specs. Mizu momentarily greets Taigen who only raises his hand in greeting before turning towards the screen (only you can see through your peripheral vision that this motherfucker is laughing). "I've been looking for you."

"You did?" Your voice comes off quiet. Mizu furrows her eyebrows.

"Uh, yeah?" She replies with a confused tone. "I had your concept design for Neon approved, it was more direct compared to Matt's. I wanted to tell you in person since you just bolted from the meeting room."

You fall silent at her words. She looks a bit concerned as you try to make sense of the information.

"You seem in shock—Are you okay?" Mizu asks, eyes glancing towards Taigen who looks at her before shrugging.

You feel your heart speed up. You momentarily calm yourself before finally responding. "Y-Yeah, sorry. Just didn't think that you'd approve it."

Mizu tilts her head like a fucking cat and you're quite sure you would drop dead then and there. "Why not? It's your work."

You're not sure what she means by that but a sudden shiver runs through your veins at her praise and suddenly your cheeks are flushing.

"Ah," You're voice fills in the silence, awkward and quiet. "Thank you?"

There's a pause of silence before Mizu chuckles. She heaves a breath before pulling the glass door open.

"I'll see you at my office, Y/N." She smiles. "Great work."

The silence further pushes you into the void as you and Taigen watch her exit and disappear into another hallway through the glass windows. Just as you were a few minutes ago, you lean forward to slouch over your knees, hands on your face as you meltdown from what just happened. You hear Taigen chuckle beside you.

"Give it a few more months and she'll give you a ring on your finger with a bent knee on the ground."

You sob into your hands as Taigen erupts in heaps of laughter.

Oh my fucking God.

2.

The release for Neon was a hit. An all-time new duelist originating from the Philippines, your concept design took off without a hitch. It's safe to say that your hard work paid off as you stood over the central common room—leisure areas decked with your coworkers trying out and celebrating the release. A sense of satisfaction fills you.

"I hear you spearheaded the design concept for Neon," A voice infiltrates your sense like a lure. You can't help but smile at its familiarity. Akemi wraps her arms around your waist, chin on your shoulder as she continues. "Marketing was thrilled with the positive response. Good job."

You turn around, her arms loosely accommodating you. "Akemi," you coo.

The girl grins wide and pulls you into a hug. You return the affection in a grander gesture of squeezing her tight against you.

Akemi's part of the Marketing Department for Riot. While she often creates publication material for VALORANT, she also has cross work with League of Legends for its various strategic releases (ie. KDA).

"I just want to say that I already predicted Neon would be a sure hit, it's your work after all," Akemi pulls away from the hug with a smug smile. She grabs your hands in hers, swinging them slowly. "Marketing it was like a breeze in the park."

You laugh softly at her enthusiasm. "You give me way too much credit."

Akemi rolls her eyes affectionately. "Humility is a disease—live a little."

You shake your head at her quips, opting to smile in response. A member of your team passes by, eyes widening in recognition of you before giving you a thumbs up. Akemi watches the interaction—eyes trained on that person's figure as they walked towards Mizu who was busy talking to other creative team leads. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion at her prolonged silence.

"Who are you—?" Your words trail off as you turn to look at what she's so focused on before turning back at the sight of Mizu. "Nevermind."

Akemi raises her eyebrow with an amused look on her face. "Taigen always has a penchant for exaggerating but I didn't think it was this bad?"

Your face falls at the information. "Taigen told you?"

Akemi gives you a 'duh' look—eyebrows raised and eyes half-lidded. "Taigen's a loose lock if you pry hard enough. He basically can never keep a secret."

You give her a deadpan stare before shifting in your position. Akemi crosses her arms over her chest as she eyes you up and down—filled to the brim with amusement. "I'm fine, stop making a big deal out of it."

"Uh huh," Akemi squints her eyes playfully. You could only glare back in response.

The loud cheering at the front catches your attention as resident workers, interns, and newbies alike begin to tune in at the commotion. Akemi and you move to the sidelines, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you tried to find out what's happening.

"What's happening?" You ask the person to your front. He turns, eyes beaming with excitement.

"The creative director for C&C got pulled in a 1v1. They're playing against Beckham."

Your breath hitches at the information. Akemi nudges you with her elbow, overhearing the conversation. The two of you move to the side, finally getting a glimpse of the two team leads focused on a custom game of VALORANT. Your eyes zone in on familiar raven locks seated on the right monitor.

A live stream of their game is projected on the monitor up front and suddenly you feel sick from the amount of butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

She's playing Neon. The character you designed.

Oh God. You watched her take kill after kill, headshot after headshot as she sprinted across the map—zapping characters with Neon's electric abilities. You've never seen someone look so fucking hot playing an FPS game before. It's doing things to your brain.

Just as you expected, the winning banner appears on Mizu's screen and the C&C Team erupts in cheers. You become entranced at the sight—a few of your co-workers patting her on the back before she erupts in smiles and laughs. This is not healthy for your heart.

And just as you think the night couldn't get any better, one of the people from the Marketing departments begins stirring up an interview.

"What made you choose Neon on the character pick? You usually go for Sentinels, no?"

Your eyes meet and suddenly you could feel your heart skip a few beats. Mizu chuckles.

"Wanted to do a duelist around for a spin," Mizu replies. "The design and character visuals for Neon was amazing and I ought to pay the artist who did it a homage."

Suddenly all eyes are on you—some of them even "ooh-ing" for being praised by Mizu. You pale at the attention before doing a hesitant bow in gratitude.

Mizu pulls the headphones off her head and smiles. "Congrats, Y/N. Hope you liked the win."

You feel Akemi stir up beside you, chuckling at the interaction.

You're going to die. You can feel it and its all because of your boss.

3.

Okay, maybe admitting that you were a little bit obsessed and crushing over your employer was a bit overdue. You weren't exactly the type to parade your feelings around the office but if people were to zone in on you acting sheepish and awkward around Mizu, there was a 55% chance that you could tell based on that alone.

It wasn't like your admiration for Mizu started on a whim. As said countless and countless times, it had a foundation of respect until Mizu started trying to get to know and interact with you and those same feelings of admiration started to change. What else were you supposed to do? Mizu is a fucking all-in-one holiday basket—you didn't have it in you to resist the charms.

It also didn't help that over the past few days, Mizu seems to have her undivided attention on you. Showering you with praises, asking if you wanna spearhead a certain project, revel in your work—all that shit. It's messing with your productivity and mindset and that's not a good idea.

The Head Director for the VALORANT Team had decided to call a night out for drinking to reward the team for the positive feedback for the latest patch. You were quite thankful for the opportunity as this was a way for you to get a moment of rest from Mizu's constant attention. Not that you were complaining, it's just a little... too much.

You were seated at the far right booth of the restaurant, keeping to yourself as you watched Ringo and Taigen begin to have a debate about team composition. Akemi grumbles beside you, clearly not enjoying whatever the fuck these two were talking about.

"Look," Taigen holds his hands out in front of him, trying to make a point. "All I'm saying is if you keep putting DPS builds on your team comp, how in the hell will you be able to maximize their kit? Supports are there for a reason."

Ringo rolls his eyes. "It's called enjoying the game, Taigen. So what if I want to put dick 1, dick 2, and dick 3, together?"

Taigen's jaw drops. "Do you know how much skill point dependent they are? I'm even surprised you could bust a skill out." The raven haired man pauses before continuing with a face contorted in disgust. "And stop calling them dick 1,2,3? It's Dan Heng, Blade, and Jing Yuan."

"Of course you'd police that as well. You look like that fucking emoji." Ringo raises his prosthetic hand, imitating pushing up a pair of glasses. "Um, actually—"

"You are as annoying as my grandmother, do you know that?" Taigen snarls, eyes pulled into a glare. Your tall huggable co-worker only grins and bats his eyelashes.

You begin to tune out the two as Akemi excuses herself to take a cigarette break—already having enough of their banter. You eye the glass of beer in front of you, watching as the liquid sloshes around with each twirl of your wrist.

You had hoped to end the night with silence but alas, you can never get everything that you wanted. You feel a pair of eyes on you—direct and unashamed. Already having a feeling on who this was, you looked up and met the reflection of the ocean.

'You okay?' She mouths, concern overflowing her features. It's subtle enough for people to not notice her sudden shift of attention but enough for you to understand her. Your cheeks flush as you nod back with the same softness that she had thrown your way.

She nods in understanding, sending a soft smile your way before turning back towards her conversation with the Head. You hang your head down, wishing that the night would end faster so that you can finally have the moment of peace you have been wanting ever since this morning.

It was as if the world decided to cast hell upon you and revoked you of your rights to peace at the arrival of yet another problem.

"L/N!" The Head Director's voice encompassed the whole area—eyes turning towards him then at you in amusement. "You're one of the star employees and yet you haven't touched a single speck on that glass of yours!"

His hearty laughter follows—giggles and cheering from you co-workers following suite. You sweat drop, eyes darting to Taigen and Ringo who both looked away at your glare before turning towards the window where Akemi sends you a gracious thumbs up, a cigarette hanging from her lips. You groan.

"I-I'm fine," You wave your hand, laughing it off. Your eyes connect with Mizu, an unreadable look on her face as she takes a sip of her chosen beverage.

God decides to punish you more as the team lead beside Mizu chimes in. "Oh c'mon! You're a great asset to the company! I suggest drink up!"

One of your team members passes a full pint of beer as the others begin to urge you to drink up. You hadn't felt the intensity of peer pressure ever since your dance recital on 10th grade and that wasn't even as half bad as this. You weren't feeling on drinking yourself to death as well so trying to down a full pint of beer was a ticket for you to the afterlife (ie. you on your bed with puke all over the floors). The previous pint you had was enough.

You tried to decline as humbly as you could, afraid that this might be the instance that you could finally be fired off from Riot. You knew that if they kept pushing a 3rd more of their attempts that you'd probably give in for the sake of never doing this again but while the need hasn't yet arisen, you'll try fighting off the urge to be a people-pleaser.

Just as you finally begin to decline for the nth time, a hand emerges to your right—pushing the pint of beer in your co-worker's hands. The table falls silent. Your breath falters as the familiar scent of lavender and probably a hint of sunlight begins to seep in from behind you.

"Stop pressuring her like that," Mizu's voice sounds so close —your heart hammering off your chest. Your co-worker gives Mizu a sheepish smile.

"C'mon Mizu, let your team live a little!" The Head laughs once more before leaning forward with a smug smirk. "Unless you'll save this one yet again?"

There's a pause of silence as your co-workers darted between them—back and forth. You feel Mizu sigh behind you before her arms encase you against the table, one arm placed on the beside you each. Your breath hitches.

"Sorry," She mutters as she reaches for the pint. You stammer, turning towards her as you reach out to her wrist by instinct. Mizu blinks with her eyes wide open, suddenly surprised by your actions.

"Y-you don't have to!" You murmured, trying to keep your voice low. Mizu's eyes are unreadable. "You don't drink—!"

The woman chuckles before patting your hand and gently pulling herself off your grasp. "It's okay." She says.

You watch with stammering breath as she gulps the pint in one go, others cheering as she did. The Head claps.

"Didn't expect to see Mizu downing a beer today but here we are," The man bellows in laughter. Mizu chuckles, wiping the residue off her lips. You could only stare at her in shock.

Mizu glances down at you with a smile before patting your head then walking off. Your gaze trails on her and somehow the hammering within you becomes all the more intense.

Oh, Lord.

4.

It was supposed to just be a little game—a past time that the others decided to force you along. You really had no qualms joining games like this but if it concerns the people around you, especially in your work place, somehow you feel the risk of being outed for liking someone in you work space.

"If you guys wanted to date someone in the office, who'd you pick?" Ise leans forward, eyes squinted as she gives you and Akemi a smirk. The three of you were currently lounging in the cafeteria during you lunch break. There weren't many people present due an event going on in one of the building's sectors, so having a conversation like this somehow was less anxiety inducing.

"Taigen, unfortunately," Akemi deadpans. Ise rolls her eyes.

"I mean! Besides him," Ise whispers excitedly. "There's a newbie from marketing that looks cute but kinda quiet, maybe he's nice."

"You mean Takayoshi?" Akemi raises an eyebrow as she takes a sip of her tea. You glance back and forth between them.

"Is that his name?" Ise watches Akemi nod in response. "Well, I'll just have to go get his number then."

Akemi shakes her head at Ise's musings and you had hoped that the conversation would end there, but Ise suddenly turns to you with that mischievous look in her eye.

"What?" You whisper out, eyebrows furrowed in innocence. Akemi side glances you, the corners of her lips upturned in a smile. God, she was enjoying this too.

"What about you, Y/N?" Ise props her arm on the table, placing her cheek on her palm. "Got someone you're interested in?"

You avoid eye contact. "No."

Ise leans forward with a gasp. "You do!"

"I don't!" You reiterate with urgency. You turn to Akemi with a frantic stare. "Tell her I don't."

Ise turns to Akemi who smiles. "She doesn't."

"Bullshit." Ise deadpans. "The moment I'd believe Akemi with a smile on her face is the moment I'd die," Akemi flashes her middle finger at her to which Ise returns generously. Finally, the girl turns to you—chair scooted over to your right as she flashes you her doe eyes. "So? Who is it?"

You Akemi chuckle against her cup as you stammer in front of Ise. "I don't really like someone though?"

"Lies," Ise declares. "We might not be that close but you got that twitch in your eye that already tells me something. Who is it?"

"Ise," You plead, eyes darting around the space. Somehow, saying it out loud meant that you're solidifying the fact that you liked Mizu—an occurrence you'd like to keep to yourself as much as possible. You loved Ise, you really do. You worked with her hand in hand in bringing Neon to life (You worked on her design while she worked on the 3D build) and have become tremendously grateful for her critique and contributions to your work. But this, this was something else. You could feel your heart speed up as she started listing some names.

"Is it Beckham? That piece of shit always too full himself." Ise places a hand on her chin in thought. "Or Ringo? Nah, he's way too focused on content map-building."

There's a pause of silence before an 'aha!' look spreads through her face. You prayed that she would get it wrong but this is Ise we're talking about.

"Is it perhaps," Ise pauses, eyes darting all over your face. "Mizu—"

"What about me?"

The three of you tense, eyes darting behind you as you turn to find the familiar stance of your boss. She leans forward, a hand on the back of your chair as she gives the three of you a curious glance. You hadn't heard her at all, and something about Ise's frantic glance towards you says she didn't expect the same thing as well.

"W-we we're just listing people we found attractive," Ise laughs uncomfortably under Mizu's stare. The creative director glances at Akemi who raises an eyebrow at her. Somehow there was a silent conversation going on between the two that left you confused.

"Really?" Mizu asks, the ends of her words trailing off as she glances back at Ise. "Who said I was attractive?"

"It was Y/—"

"NO ONE!" You exclaimed, cutting Ise off with a jump. You flush under Mizu's wide gazed, surprised at your interference. Somehow, the way you said it implied that no one found her attractive at all, and that was way too wrong so you caught yourself before you delved into a pit of despair. "I mean, w-we haven't started and was just listing people off."

Mizu nods slowly in understanding, eyes examining your face for any slip-ups. You looked away from the intensity.

Ise finally saves your ass. "Yeah. What she said."

"What about you, Director?" Akemi chimes in from your left and both you and Ise turn to her with wide gazes. She simply smiles over her cup, face contorted in a mischievous look. You couldn't read Mizu at all. You had expected Akemi to drop it—after all, she wasn't even joining in on Ise's incessant need to know everything about everyone. "Who do you find the most attractive in this office, hm?"

You can feel Mizu shifting behind you before a chuckle pulls out from her lips. You turn towards her in curiosity as she flashes a smile towards you.

"I'd pick Y/N, of course,"

Huh?

Akemi rolls her eyes, somehow already expecting the answer. Your jaw drops at her response as Mizu turns to Ise who already has a knowing look on her face.

"She's just that reliable," Mizu looks back down towards you, those shades of blue peeking from her tinted glasses. She pinches your cheek in a flash before pulling away. "Cute too."

You turn away, afraid that the flush on your cheeks might've given you away.

"Anyways, I just dropped by to see what's happening outside the event," Mizu sighs, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "I'll see you girls around."

Your interactions always end up one sided somehow. She gives and then leaves—resulting in you malfunctioning from whatever she's left for you to deal with.

Ise turns to you with a mischievous grin when Mizu finally turns the corner. "You and the Director huh?"

"Shut up, oh my God."

+1

"Why do you always do stuff like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're not leaving me any room to process the shit you do?"

Mizu lets out quiet laughs from beside you. 10:47 pm. Normally, work hours in the office end at about 9 but you've learned that staying late is where the good things happen.

"I literally just told you 'good job' the other day and you malfunctioned in front of me," Mizu giggles, leaning forward as she tapped you on the nose with the pen to her digital tablet. "And I heard everything by the way. Quite adorable of you to deny everything."

You flush under her affectionate gaze. "Everyone's so gossipy. You can't blame me."

Mizu turns her chair towards you, arms reach out to take a hold of your own before pulling them close to her side. You lean back at her sudden proximity.

"Well you can't blame me either when you're this adorable," Mizu grins. You furrow your eyebrows, finally leaning close as you cupped her cheeks within your palms.

"You even drank beer," You whisper, tone apologetic. "You don't even like alcohol."

Mizu leans into your touch. "And you don't like being pressured into something you don't want to do. I can sacrifice a little bit of something I don't like just for you."

You melt at her words, eyes darting over her softened features. "Thank you," You whisper, grateful.

"Anything for my girlfriend," Mizu teases. You roll your eyes before pulling her into a soft kiss. She kisses back instantly, hands gripping the arm chair as you take lead of the kiss. After a few pecks and chaste kisses here and there, you finally pull back—reveling in the soft flush across Mizu's cheeks.

"Also," You chime in. Mizu raises an eyebrow. "I was the one who pursued, not you. Correct that when they catch on."

Mizu chuckles at your words. "Right on. Akemi threatened me the other day, saying something like, 'I forbid you from dating Y/N Y/L/N, Mizu Tagawa!' Funniest shit, I've heard. If only she knew."

You pinch her cheeks, giggling at her words. "Of course, she's say that."

There's a pause of silence before Mizu turns to her work, a sketch of VALORANT's newest agent displayed on screen.

"Want to help me with the new guy?" She nudges towards the screen. "Heard he's French."

You turn to her monitor, dozens of details sketched on the edges with a version of her idea of the new agent. You grin, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"You could've just asked me to marry you." You tease. "Also, sure."

You turn towards the table and pulled her tablet towards you. Mizu scoffs as you take over her work.

"And if I actually did?"

"Sure, Mizu, sure."

"I'm serious!"

a/n: hey guys!!! this was so fun to write and honestly i was just inspired to do this request bc ive been drafting an office romance for mizu after the roommate thing. hope yall enjoyed ! if yall arent familiar with valorant, here are the agents mentioned or referenced (neon & chamber (french guy)). also mizu's last name is derived from master eiji's va! cary-hiroyuki tagawa!

[dhorrl]

NSFW Alphabet-Feitan Portor

I never write headcanons really, but this is a great way to me to workshop information for my Janitor AI characters as well. Enjoy! Trigger Warnings: It's Feitan, is his own trigger warning. Mentions of blood, torture, etc...

A = Aftercare

At first, when Feitan just pays for sex, he doesn't bother with aftercare. In his mind, that's already been taken care of by the transaction. But when he meets you and realizes you have more needs than just physical, he begins to pay attention to your well-being. He starts by checking your body for any injuries or cuts and making sure they are taken care of. If necessary, he will bandage them up. Afterwards, he'll carry you to the bath and make sure all traces of blood and fluids are washed away. For less intense encounters without any kink involved, it takes a while but he eventually learns to enjoy having his arm around you and nuzzling into the back of your neck. He's not one for talking much, but this is his way of showing that he's there for you if you need anything.

B = Body Part

Feitan doesn't spend much time admiring his own appearance, so it's hard to say if he has a favorite body part. But on you, he loves your legs. From your thighs to your calves to the curve of your ass, he will mark every inch of them with his teeth or knife. Most likely both... definitely both.

C = Cum

Feitan may have a fit body, but that doesn't necessarily mean he eats great. Don't expect the taste to be great. It's quite watery, but there will definitely be a decent amount. He enjoys cumming inside you, but has no desire for baby-making, so his go-to options are either finishing on your face or your backside. It's clear this man has a thing for marking his territory.

D = Dirty Secret

I don’t think he has any secrets per se (well, maybe that’s not entirely accurate; he definitely HAS secrets), but scandalous secrets? He’d be transparent if you asked him about his history, and he’s probably been with both men and women. Maybe once or twice, Feitan and Phinks have tag-teamed someone – that's just the type of friends they are.

E = Experience

People tend to assume that Feitan is inexperienced or a virgin, but I believe the opposite is true. However, he has never been in a traditional relationship. In my opinion, both him and Phinks prefer to seek paid companionship when they feel the need, for their own personal reasons. It's simpler and faster, without having to deal with emotions. Feitan has specific "preference" and it's easiest for him to pay someone who is willing to indulge in his frustrations and kinks.

F = Favorite Position

It's hard to say what he wants more. On one hand, he loves seeing your face during sex – the way your expression changes when you climax or when he brings out his blade. But above all else, he just wants to make sure you're okay. He reads your body language and facial expressions, especially if you've taken on an intense scene. He has a safe word, of course, but he'll also stop if he senses that you're not using it properly.

On the other hand, sometimes he just wants to bend you over any available surface and fuck you until both of you are exhausted. These quickies usually happen when he's feeling particularly worked up or just needs a release. He'll grab your hair, push your face into whatever is nearby, and pull down your pants as he takes you from behind.

G = Goofy

Contrary to popular belief, Feitan is not as serious as he appears. While he may have a stoic demeanor, it does not mean he lacks a sense of humor. In the bedroom, his behavior can vary. When he takes on the role of Dom, he is completely focused and aware to avoid unleashing too much of his torture skills on you. However, during more casual moments like a quick morning romp, he may crack a smile and playfully nip at your skin in an attempt to make you laugh.

H = Hair

Feitan isn't a very hairy person, with smooth skin all over his body. He has a slight trail of hair that leads down to a small patch of black hair. While it may not be perfectly groomed, it doesn't bother him much. When it comes to his partner, the amount or style of hair they have is of no concern to Feitan; he enjoys them regardless.

I = Intimacy

If Feitan is transitioning from paying for sex to pursuing a relationship with you, congratulations - you have reached an intimate level. For him, this is already a huge step, so if there is anything specific you want, you may need to communicate it clearly. As his feelings for you deepen over time, he may start to appreciate the softer moments between you, even though he might never say so out loud.

J = Jack Off

I don't think he masturbates frequently. It's not because he lacks interest, but rather because he is very self-aware and in control of his body. However, if you were to ask him to do it or even let you do it for him while he lays back on the bed and watches, he would absolutely be up for it.

K = Kink

It goes without saying, we all know he's a dominant, but not in the conventional sense. He craves control and isn't afraid to use restraints. But for Feitan, it's about more than just physical pleasure. He wants to leave his mark on you, carve his symbol into your skin, use ropes that bite into your flesh. The feeling of your blood on his skin is intoxicating to him, and he would savor the opportunity to cut you open and bathe in it. It would be even more thrilling if you possessed a Nen ability with enhanced healing capabilities. He enjoys blood but is not interested in any other bodily fluids. His marking kink would involve carving his name or number onto your skin; in my imagination, you have a "2" engraved somewhere on you.

L = Location

Feitan is not one to hold back; when he wants you, he takes you. However, his preference would be in a bed or a special room akin to the one he uses for his victims, where he can unleash without worry of making a mess.

M = Motivation

Before you came into his life, he would only get in the mood after a demanding job or if it had been a while since his last encounter. But with you around, even simple activities like washing dishes or reading a book can make Feitan ready to go. Just one look from you and he's all fired up.

N = No

I don't believe he has any interest in anything involving feces or urine; it's just not his type of kink. It's not that he finds it disgusting, it's just not something he enjoys. But with almost anything else, even things he initially may not like, I feel like if you persist enough, he'll eventually give in and try it.

O = Oral

He's a giver, through and through. He will bury his face between your thighs, losing himself in the moment until he's dizzy and gasping for breath. Even then, he won't pull away. He'll lick, suck, and maybe even bite if he feels like it. By the time he's finished, every inch of his face will be slick, and his eyes will be wild and primal as he looks at you. And if you try to tell him to stop, it will only fuel his fire. Keep that in mind before you ask him to ease up.

P = Pace

It's always a 50/50 gamble with him. I wouldn't say it's sensual, but he definitely likes to take his time. If you agree to a rougher scene, where he can let loose and show off all his skills, be prepared to be tied up and at his mercy for hours. He may even leave you there, tied up and sweating, before coming back to start the whole thing over again.

But all of this is just the warm-up before he even enters you. When he's finally ready for the final round, he will take you hard. The bed will shake on its rails and the headboard will slam against the walls. And it's absolutely incredible.

Q = Quickie

Feitan doesn't mind a quickie, especially when you're in the middle of a mission and there isn't enough time for a longer session. He has impressive self-control, so if you're not feeling up for it, he's okay with that. However, he also knows that you can't resist him when he asks.

R = Risk

Risk? Feitan doesn't even comprehend the concept, especially when it comes to sex. So what if the other Troupe members might overhear or walk in? Who cares if they fuck during a job and the target might catch them in the act? Feitan would simply eliminate any witnesses and continue as he pleases.

S = Stamina

Oh dear, your body is in for a rough time. When Feitan gets riled up, you'll be in for an extended bout of physical activity. Thanks to his rigorous Nen training and natural stamina, he doesn't tire easily. You'll probably lose consciousness long before he's finished, but even then, he'll likely continue on without missing a beat.

T = Toy

If by toys you're referring to the collection of knives, ropes, and gags he uses for his regular torturing sessions, then yes, those are his "toys." However, I have a feeling that once you explore his kinky side with him, he would have a separate set of these items just for personal use. Some people headcanon that he's dirty or gross, but in reality, he's canonically a germaphobe. He wouldn't want any blood or fluids from his victims to touch you. In fact, I bet he would even invest in a high-quality vibrator for other types of "torture."

U = Unfair

This is Feitan's domain. He takes pleasure in teasing you in every possible manner. He considers himself a master of all forms of torture and you are his favorite subject for experimentation. You better not cum without his permission, or there will be consequences. I can't help but wonder if there's a hint of masochism in him, deliberately prolonging his own orgasm until it becomes unbearable.

V = Volume

Feitan's voice is naturally soft, so he doesn't make much noise during sex. But that doesn't mean he's silent; his words are like whispers in your ear, filled with degrading comments and descriptions of what he plans to do next. He watches closely for your reactions to his words, using them to gauge your pleasure.

W = Wild Card

Feitan may not even realize it, but he’s a tsundere with yandere tendencies. He is fixated on you and will go to great lengths to gather information about you. He sees it as a way to bond with you. Your past and relationships with others hold little importance to him unless he can use them to manipulate you. He pays close attention to every detail about you for his own gratification. While this can lead to unexpected surprises, there is a fine line between showing affection and being overly possessive.

X = X-Ray

Let me begin by saying that size isn't always the most important thing. However, that doesn't mean Feitan is lacking in that department. He may not impress when flaccid with a modest 2 inches, but he definitely makes up for it with a solid 5 inches when fully aroused. "Size not matter in fight… or in bed."

Y = Yearning

Feitan has an above average drive and libido, but an even higher level of self-control. He can easily suppress any desires he may have, but when the opportunity arises, be prepared for him to let loose. After finishing a job, it's best to take a few days off because you won't be able to walk afterwards.

Z = ZZZ

I can hardly imagine him getting any sleep at all. I'm sure he does, but as a long time Spider, he has likely trained his body to function on minimal rest. Those rare moments after sex, when everything is calm and still, may be the only times where he truly lets himself relax, though. Even then, it's probably only momentary.

[toomanybrainrots]

hello everything is fine? Can I request headcanons for Transformers Prime? for predaking, shockwave, optimus and megatron meeting an original predacon female reader who survived thousands of years during war and isn't that a shockwave experience? (if you can, just predaking sees the femme reader as a romantic partner)

Now this is an interesting request. I haven't actually written tfp Predaking not much, if at all, so this is gonna be new for me.

Warning(s): Femme Predacon Reader, Reader is referred to as 'my queen' by Predaking

Predaking, Shockwave, Optimus and Megatron with a Femme Reader that's an original Predacon

Predaking

Predaking had no idea any original predacons were still here

And he didn't expect them to be more...big.

You absolutely towered over him, easily dwarfing him. You barely even fit into the Nemesis with how big you are

It was the first time Predaking ever felt...small. You easily picked him up and carried him wherever you went, despite his protests

Overtime, he started to not mind it, in fact he kinda liked it? Well, he liked you more specifically

"My queen-!" His protests fell on deaf audials as you picked him up again, craddling him in your arms as you walked down the hallways of the Nemesis.

"My queen, please put me down..." He said, trying to convince you to no avail. He should've known better than to try that, you didn't take orders from anyone, not even Megatron.

He thought he was going to be the one to court you.

He thought wrong cause you ended up being the one courting him. Using old predacon courting methods: bringing him prey you caught yourself, never leaving his side, snarling at anyone that dared to look at him wrong even for a moment

Of course, he did the same to you. Most of the prey he brought were tiny for you, but you loved the gesture nonetheless.

Safe to say, you trated and spoiled him like a King. In turn, he spoiled you like the queen you were.

Shockwave

Shockwave was fascinated to see you, an actual original predacon living and breathing, hidden away in your cave from the war

He wanted to examine you up close, asking all sorts of questions. How did you survive and escaped the fate that had befallen your bretheren? How long have you been here on Earth?

You ignored him. It was annoying and you definitely did not have the patience to answer

You let out a huff annoyance as you tuned out Shockwave, rambling about how 'fascinating' and how 'scientifically illogical' it was for you to be here.

"How did you survive this long with him, my King?" You asked Predaking, leaning down to whisper to him. "I just tune out half of what he says. It is very useful." Predaking answered, glancing back at Shockwave. "Just half?" You repeated, having slight respect for your soon to be mate for dealing with the scientist.

The only reason you let him examine you was because of Predaking and because you knew he wouldn't stop bothering you otherwise

It was very long and tedious for you. Atleast Shockwave didn't bother you much after that

Still, you respected the scientist. He was good at what he did, despite his...strange mannerisms.

Optimus

You slammed Optimus into a wall the first time you met

To be fair, you thought he was an intruder when he and his team had ventured into your cave

He had never, in his life, had expected to meet an actual, breathing and living original predacon. He's met a predacon in the form of Predaking but this was very different

He was relieved when you decided to join their side, though he wouldn't admit it

It puts a smile on his face when he sees you act very familial to the kids of the team(Smokescreen and Bumblebee) and makes a chuckle escape his vocalizer when you pick them by the neck guard

"Come on, put me down!" Smokescreen protested, squirming as you held him by his neck guard, his protests falling on deaf audials

The team looked at you two in amusement as Smokescreen eventually fell limp, giving up and succumbing to his fate. You let out a pleased hum at his defeat.

A chuckle escaped Optimus' voice box as he watched the scene unfold before him. Sometimes, he wished these peaceful moments would last longer. Where no war could touch them.

You often exchanged stories with him, talking about ye olden days™ and how it was like back then

He told you stories of the modern age, telling what has happened since then and telling you stories that had popped up

You both talked to each other for hours on hours, until Ratchet had to remind the two of you to recharge(not like he was any better)

You respected him as leader and friend, and he respected you as teammate and friend

Megatron

Megatron had thought you were going to be a new subordinate for him, a new pawn for him to use

That immediately shattered after he saw you in actual form, and he had to crane his head up to actually look at you

You made it very clear you didn't want to submit, and that you did not heed to anyone

(I couldn't make or think of a scenario but basically, you kicked the shit out of him(im so sorry my brain juice is out at this point))

So yeah, not very good first impressions

It didn't grow any better, as you kept being passive aggressive with each other

Just a lot of passive aggressiveness

He did have a begrudging respect for you, due to your immense power and skills. He thought you respected him too

You didn't. You just thought of him as a bucket head that looked high 24/7

[plutoslvr]

Okay so in my last Kevin post, I mentioned I have analysis' on how Kevin isn't a coward and how his trauma still affects him and you guys wanted to read it so here!

Why Kevin Day Isn’t a Coward: 

Essentially this comes down to 3 specific points in the fandom and even in the books since people are very adamant about the whole coward thing. The two things that people (in book and fandom-wise) use to argue that Kevin is a coward are: 

Kevin is still afraid/ doesn’t stand up to Riko 

That he left Jean behind in the nest.

Starting off with the first point. Kevin is still afraid and doesn’t stand up to Riko for the majority of the books. Firstly, we need to understand that Kevin has been abused from an extremely young age in the Nest and was conditioned into thinking that kind of behaviour was normal. And by that I mean specifically Riko’s abuse but before that, it was Coach Moriyama that abused both of them. 

He was stuck in the Nest for over a decade where his only role was “property” the entire time. That was all he would ever be to them and additionally to that, he wasn’t even allowed to be better than Riko. His entire life from the very start has been about exy but it was only after his mothers death where it became life or death. 

During tfc when Neil finds out how Kevin’s hand really broke Wymack says “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."

He wasn’t raised to have anything else, exy is quite literally his everything, and without it, he has nothing and nobody. In this same scene, Wymack says, “Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away.”

We never find out in detail what exactly happened to Kevin in the Nest but in TRK when Neil goes there we can see how deluded and obsessed Riko is with Kevin.

Neil moved up alongside him and regretted it almost immediately. Postcards of faraway cities both foreign and domestic were taped to the walls. Beneath each one were scraps of paper. Kevin's now-familiar scrawl listed dates and explanations for the travels. Most of them were games. Some indicated photo shoots and interviews. Books lined the shelves built into the headboard and Neil knew from skimming the spines they were Kevin's. Kevin was majoring in history for reasons Neil couldn't understand; these dry titles were the sorts of things he would find fascinating. It gave Neil chills to see his space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he'd transferred to another team entirely.

Riko is so sure that Kevin is going to come back to him because he’s instituted such fear into him, he doesn’t think Kevin has the strength to stand up to him. Which he does, but people don’t seem to realise you can’t undo over a decade's worth of trauma overnight. 

Anyway, during Neil’s time in the Nest, he’s treated very similarly to how Kevin would be considering he was in his place but also not as harsh because they had to send Neil back to the Foxes inevitably.

"I am going to love hurting you," Riko said, "like I loved hurting Kevin."

What follows this is Riko tying Neil down and torturing him with a switchblade. By the time Neil leaves the Nest he doesn’t remember anything from the experience- he was so traumatised by it that he doesn’t remember it at all. (It also kinda sucks how Neil gets more sympathy for being in the nest for 2 weeks than Kev did for being there for over a decade.)

Putting this into perspective, Kevin went through that for so much longer and doesn’t get nearly enough of the same sympathy Neil did. Neil returned and Kevin got punched for letting him go even though he tried persuading Neil not to. Kevin has always had Neil’s best interest at heart. 

Kevin shook his head and bulled on when Neil started to argue. "The master wants to salvage you. He's going to sign you to the Raven lineup in spring. So long as you keep quiet and keep your head down he won't tell the main family he's found you." "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be." "Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive."

Kevin was willing to sacrifice the only chance he had to prove his autonomy to the Moriyamas if it meant Neil would be safe. Without Neil, they wouldn’t have enough players to qualify and they wouldn’t be able to play at all. (Again: “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it.")

Not to mention the whole “Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation.

And even after that, he promised to teach Neil, because at the end of the day, Neil was still Neil and he never gave up on him once.

And Neil understood that being on the run for 8 years was more preferable to the Nest. 

“But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life 

too.”

Sorry I kinda went off track there anyway we can also see how much Riko’s presence still affects Kevin especially in scenes like the Kathy Ferdinand show. 

“Any animosity Neil felt toward Kevin for forcing him onto this show evaporated. He couldn't be angry when Riko was here, not when Riko was to Kevin what Neil's father was to him. Petty anger had nothing on this full-fledged terror.”

Obviously, we all know what a dickhead Neil’s dad was to him so Neil comparing the fear of his father being similar to Kevin’s fear of Riko is so important because it just puts into perspective how afraid Kevin is here face-to-face with his abuser the first time since said abuser permanently disabled him.

But what I don’t think is that Kevin has been standing upto Riko since the start because right after this when they were backstage, Kevin physically stopped Riko from hurting Neil even if it meant getting hurt by Riko again.

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and unrecognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat.

This scene is probably the best to describe how downright afraid Kevin is of Riko but there are others when Kevin has multiple panic attacks at just the thought of Riko or being in the same vicinity as him and rightfully so! Riko abused him, manipulated him and then took away the only thing he had. And Kevin was just forced to think this was okay. 

And a lot of characters and fans see his fear as cowardice instead of a normal trauma response. This is also because Neil tends to speak out more against Riko than Kevin (You know I get it…) but unlike Neil, Kevin has had direct repercussions towards him for the “mistake” of talking back to Riko which of course makes him hesitant. 

He knows the Moriyamas could drag him back at any moment and he's terrified of that happening.

Which leads to the second bit of “Kevin doesn’t stand up to Riko.” when many times, he has.

The most prominent example is in TRK, just after the foxes lost their first match to the ravens.

“You have fallen so far, Kevin. You should have stayed down and saved us the trouble of forcing you back to your knees." "I'm satisfied," Kevin said. It was the last response any of the Foxes expected from him. They forgot about Riko in favor of gaping at Kevin. "Not with their score or performance, but with their spirit. I was right. There's more than enough here for me to work with."

Kevin chose the foxes over the ravens- over Riko. He doesn’t allow their loss to become something Riko can use against him but instead something to affirm his current standing with them. This is also the first game Andrew played without his meds meaning he’s crashed by the end of it.

Kevin distracted the Ravens from Andrew's unsteadiness by facing them.

Kevin willingly turned to talk to his ex-abuser and his team if it meant Andrew wouldn’t be under fire. Most people only see Kevin and Andrew as Andrew protecting Kevin but Kevin protected Andrew just as much.

And of course we have the whole tattoo removal and the last exy match against the foxes but I need everyone to understand that those are so so so important. Kevin spent the entire series save the last quarter of the last book viewing himself as Riko’s property. Riko refers to him as such and even without Riko near him, his control is still strong over Kevin.

So Kevin removing his tattoo and replacing it with something with a higher hierarchical structure than Riko’s status as king is so detrimental, it’s a turning point for him because he’s viewing himself as his own person now. And Kevin scoring the winning goal brings us full circle because the last time he did that with Riko, he ended up disabled and shunned.

This brings me to my second point about Kevin running away from the nest. Alot of people see Kevin escpaing from the nest and leaving behind Jean as an act of cowardice. This bit gets a bit complicated because in no way shape or form am I trying to compare trauma’s or anything like that.

But to continue on. The ravens had a very strict policy that we got to see during Neil's experience one of which being that no matter how injured they were, they were still expected to show up to practice. The more mistakes they made the more punishment they'd find themselves in. Not showing was practically a death wish.

Now Kevin having his hand fucking broken would mean thay either he doesn't practise and get punished or practise with his fucked up hand and further damage it. If he stayed I wholeheartedly believe he would've died.

He ran away to save his life and that will never be cowardice not once. He didn't go to Wymack immediately when he found out because he knew what kind of target he'd paint on Wymacks back.

"He was trying to protect him," Neil said. "If Coach knew Kevin was his son, he'd have tried to take him from Edgar Allan." Nicky grimaced. "They'd have never let Kevin go." 

He only left when he had no other option. He had nothing left, the one thing he did have was taken away from him, he had no purpose and for once Riko didn't care enough about him to pay attention. And he used that to run.

Leaving Jean behind was something he always regretted, but it was a game of survival. Jean was a gift to the Moriyamas, he was also property to them and couldn't leave. And if the roles were reversed I strongly believe Jean would've done the same thing.

Also Kevin finds a place for him layer with the trojans because he knew that being a fox wouldn't be good for him.

"He isn't safe with us," Kevin said. "I won't give him false hope."

Staying in the nest would've been suicide for Kevin. He's one of the biggest victims in the series but nobody talks about it enough I fear and there's so much to learn about him via context clues etc.

And the saddest thing in my opinion is that Kevin knew was it was like to be loved, he was raised by his mother for a few years before going to the Moriyamas. 

ANYWAY to conclude, I suck at essays and I hope I've worded everything well and what I'm trying to say gets across. Kevin is not a coward, never has been a coward and never will be. He's survived through such a damaging and abusive environment only to get moved to a separate environment where everyone just ridicules his defense tactics and he has no real sense of support. 

His reasons for what he does always stems from the fact the he doesn't want to go back to being under Riko and Coach Moriyamas "care" and that he's afraid. And most of the time it's things he can't shake from the nest.

Like when he pushes the foxes its so they're always at their best and so none of them get hurt or punished for mistakes. He pushed himself the hardest because he doesn't want to directly affect his teammates. 

Or the celebrity persona he was forced to develop.

Or how he makes sure everyone is staying healthy and that they don't force themselves to play when sick or injured because he knows what it's like to be forced to play like that day after day. 

AND IVE GONE OFF COURSE AGAIN yeah I kinda mashed together both analysis' of how Kevin's trauma from the nest affects him and how he's not a coward into one thing AND THIS IS SUPER LONG so if ur still here thank you very much for reading I really hope this makes sense

[reel-fear]

Bendy And The Power Of Representation

So those graphic novel pages huh? Seems I posted my cover post at just the right time because literally minutes after I was informed the preview pages came out and uh. This is Buddy and Norman!

Oh dear... I'll put the full graphic novel pages down below but I have so much to say on how awful this is it'll need several posts. However, right now I want to mostly talk about representation and briefly touch on why it's so damn important + inform others about the current shit Mike and Meatly are saying about the books n such.

Now note: All the things I'm saying below are based on my personal experience, maybe some people don't care about seeing the representation of their identities in the media they consume. Maybe some will think I'm merely being dramatic and I might be but I'm not lying when I say I personally believe being represented and seen in the media you consume can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

Look I'm not here to argue with people who think that Norman in particular was never meant to be a person of color, I would argue he is very coded but the points I'm making here are not about how Norman particularly had to be black. The point I want to make is the lack of diversity in our cast in general and how Norman's design has heavily dwindled it considering most people [including myself] rightfully assumed he was at least one of three black characters in our cast. Not according to this though and looking at the the rest of the pages our chances of seeing any kind of decent diverse character designs dwindle more.

So firstly... Buddy a character who has been said to experience discrimination for being Jewish, lacks any kind of ethnic features at all. That's... Cool but yeah I think this shows a rather grim future for the character designs as a whole.

Also, Norman... As I mentioned he was largely assumed to be black due to his southern dialect, his voice, and other factors. But nope, he's a generic white guy. With... Gross looking hair tbh...

Sadly this is not the first time the topic of poor representation has come up concerning Bendy either.

[note how he disregarded the other mentioned minorities and specifically cites LGBTQ+ characters]

This sucks as a response but sadly considering Mike's recent behavior it seems to fall in line with the Bendy team's general lack of care towards representing anyone who isn't straight and white.

So how did Mike respond to all of this? Well...

TDLR - "Who cares if the Graphic Novel we're selling to our fans for full price sucks, we now no longer consider the books canon."

This is horrible, I know Mike and Meatly are only really in this for the money, the fact BATIM is in the state that it is proved that, but they really couldn't have been less obvious about it?

So basically when it benefited them, AKA when it meant people would have to buy the books to understand important lore like Boris' identity... [the character you spend all of chapter 4 trying to rescue] They were considered canon... At least the author sure thought so.

Hell even in the tweet Meatly made here he doesn't say the books aren't canon, he just says they're not needed to understand Bendy's world. Now Mike is using that as a shield instead of doing the right thing and saying "You're right, the poc in our fanbase deserve better we'll have it fixed right away!" Like most reasonable people would considering how his studio has literally been accused of bigotry, poor rep, and general lack of diversity before. Why risk making more people avoid this franchise?

Also just... Imagine how insulting it would be to be an author who helps flesh out so much of this world and gives its characters depth like NONE of the games have managed to do, filling in plot holes, creating a timeline for events, etc... Then because they couldn't bother to change the graphic novel for ur story to be better they instead throw out all ur writing and declare it non-canon.

If I were her to put it bluntly I'd feel insulted and horrible. Why make her do all the work of making sure her works align with the timeline and game's canon if they're not part of it?

I can't speak for her obviously but Meatly and Mike know of her account, so speaking out against this could very much risk her being fired or at least not allowed to work on Bendy anymore... So I would take all her tweets on this situation with a grain of salt. She very much is not in a position where she could be honest if she was against this.

So with all that history now, the question I'm sure many are wondering is... Why does this even matter? Who cares how diverse the characters are when it doesn't affect the story?

Well for one thing, if you think like that consider having more empathy for your fellow human beings but also it does affect the story. One of DCTL's themes is about the bigotry of the period it is set in.

Now the Bendy team has managed to make the discussion of this book centering around their bigotry which is ironic in a way I almost find funny... Though this entire thing is just a bit too hurtful and upsetting to find any humor in, at least for me...

But another thing is representation can bring people such joy when it's done with care. It really shouldn't be understated how far it can go to make people feel more comfortable in their own sense of self to have a franchise choose to represent them and their experiences. I know this from personal experience.

Now if you've been following me for a while, you know I'm a big fan of Transformers. I no longer engage with it much due to baggage from the fandom's awful treatment of me, but before I left I remember being able to witness the release of Transformers: Earthspark first few episodes.

These introduced the Maltos the family who meets the Transformers and serve as our protagonists and guess what?

It's a family of Filipinos!

Now look I'm not Filipino, but I am half Mexican and I have a lot of love for that part of me. So seeing the representation of any Spanish culture in this franchise I loved made me so happy! I remember just watching the first episode I was happily telling my partner how fun it was to see people like me and my family in a world I love!!

But it didn't end with the Maltos in fact... There was another character who spoke to me, their name was Nightshade. Their pronouns are They/Them and they spoke about it on the show! Not just mentioning it and moving on but actually sitting down to speak about their experiences...

This clip in particular really turned them into an absolute favorite among fans and well... I'll let you see it for yourself.

This scene... Fills me with a joy I cannot describe. It is the creators of a franchise I love telling me they see people like me and find the stories of people like me important enough to include in this series. There really is nothing like being able to say there are Non-Binary characters in a franchise I have so much love for. I was far from the only one too.

This is amazing, this is wonderful, this clip and character were moving to so so many people and...

This is a joy the Bendy creators have no interest in giving their audience. They don't care how you feel as a queer and/or black person, which... Hurts...

I... Discovered I was trans while in the Bendy community... It was where I learned the word Non-Binary and started using it for myself. To me Bendy will always have that connection... But the devs themselves seem to hate the idea of being forced to actually represent that in their games... And I still haven't really gotten over that pain or betrayal if I'm being honest.

So...

With Norman now being portrayed as white here, we are down to two black characters. Thomas [who Meatly has claimed is white in the past] based on a vague conversation with Sammy in DCTL they could easily ignore... And Jacob.... A book exclusive character which according to Mike means he is non-canon.

If we don't count Thomas' vague talk with Sammy about disrespect as confirmation he's black [which the devs don't seem to think so] then we have one black character in all of Bendy... And he recently got retconned into non-existence. Great.

Look... The Bendy fanbase has always been full of wonderfully diverse designs for the staff and even more diverse people creating them. Bendy's fandom was built with the work of queer people from all kinds of places.

If the Bendy team continues to show how little they care for anyone who isn't straight or white... I wonder who they are counting on to buy this book or in general financially support their franchise?

I know right now, I am furious, I am hurt and I most certainly don't feel like buying a book that's currently just a massive fuck you to the fans and I hope I've expressed why I feel this way in an easy-to-understand way here...

Either way, I will not be forgetting this anytime soon and I hope the fanbase does the same. Maybe just maybe, if there's enough backlash to this series of horrible decisions they'll learn better.

Right now, it's kinda of our only hope for a better future, and if you know any poc who are into Bendy right now... Maybe consider making sure they're feeling okay.

I know from experience how much this sort of thing hurts, to have the creators of a world you love straight up tell you they don't intend to fix the fact no one in their stories represents your identity or life...

What I'm trying to say is...

This is a really low point for Bendy and its fans... Even more for the poc who have to witness such ignorant and careless attitudes from Mike and Meatly towards their feelings.

Please don't forget them when you discuss these tweets or this situation. That's exactly what Mike and Meatly want right now.

For them to be unrepresented and therefore... Unheard.

[highlordofkrypton]

I'm not into comics that much but why do Batman and Superman beef with each other? Like if you two don't kiss each other right now instead of fighting-

Like fuck beating the other to a pulp, just fuck each other already😑

Hi!

It really depends on what media you're following. They don't actually hate each other except in specific works. They're best friends, colleagues and at the very least, consider each other family. Even with the variety of universes in comics, Batman and Superman hating each other is very rare and in specific circumstances with reasons behind it.

Long story short: they don't (beef). They disagree and argue, sure. They're rivals, but in a manner that conveys the utmost respect for one another. Their friendship can turn toxic, too, but it's never out of hate.

Yes, there is initial friction when they start working together. Both come with a different set of values and methods to uphold justice, which is what makes their friendship so compelling. After everything, even when they don't see eye to eye, they support one another and they are there for one another. They show deep compassion and understanding for one another, even without necessarily speaking. Batman is highly observant, and Superman is endlessly compassionate.

I'm too tired to find the examples right now, but a couple of bullet points:

Batman is Superman's hero - Superman has unwavering faith in Batman even if his plans are batshit crazy. I can't find the panels rn, but there was even an arc where Batman had a plan that involved Clark slowly killing himself for a 1% chance (or something ridic like that) of saving the universe. It was horrible, but Clark trusted him no matter what.

When Bruce got engaged with Selina, there was an entire sidestory where they went on a double date with Clark and Lois, and both men went into great depth of why they admire one another and how important they are to each other. The respect between them is immeasurable.

Batman's first Robin (Dick Grayson) was a huge Superman fan, and Superman was an important part of his life. To the point that once he stopped being Robin and became Nightwing, his hero name 'Nightwing' actually comes from a Kryptonian story Superman told him.

Both Superman and Batman's respective families are closely knit, each 'bat' has a 'super' that is associated with them, either on a team with them or as friends. If they hated each other, I don't think their families would be this close-knit.

Superman knows the sound of Bruce's heartbeat and listens for it often.

Batman has a voice tone, or grunts, that is reserved for Clark only. Fun fact, the JL unanimously agrees that Clark is the best at doing the Batman voice.

They founded the Justice League together, along with Wonder Woman and other team variations (usually with the Flash and the Green Lantern).

Even in AUs where they hate each other, or they've grown apart, they still respect one another.

They have multiple comic runs as a duo/partners: World's Finest and Superman/Batman.

In one of the runs above, Superman's cousin crashes to earth and both Batman and Superman become parental figures and argue about raising her until Wonder Woman intervenes. Again, they disagree, but it was more on execution of integrating Kara onto earth.

Anyway, the idea that these heroes hate each other isn't really, at least in my experience with other comic fans, common? Mass media (such as films and video games) has a weird attachment to turning Superman into a villain to fight the allegations that he's boring, but he's actually a compelling character if you (general you, me @ the WB execs.) can get past the weird power-obsession and enjoy characters for their depth.

That said, while I do ship superbats, I have a deep appreciation for the women in their lives, especially Selina (who is able to recognize her feelings for Bruce and how they may not be good for one another) and Lois (who is such a fierce character on her own). They add so much to Batman and Superman respectively, so I whenever I talk about Superman and Batman, I make sure to mention this too.

It's important to me, especially in this ship to emphasize that it's not just about kissing the pain away, but understanding the depth and the history that comes with this relationship. Also, not erasing women for the sake of the ship, too.

Final disclaimer: comics have so many different versions, timelines and resets that someone can easily swoop in and prove me wrong, so please take everything above as my way of enjoying the comics.

If I have the energy, I will try to find the panels, but I am so tired 😭

[respectthepetty]

as a major fan of your Thai BL list, I shall now ask about your Korean BLs! 🤩

I think I can actually trust you 😌😌

Anon Two, thanks for tag-teaming this with the previous Anon, so y'all could squeeze another list out of me. To recap, I've already given y'all:

Top GMMTV Actors

Top GMMTV Pairs

Top Five Taiwanese BLs

Top Ten Thai BLs

So what's one more? @lachikapercebe also asked for this list, but requested only my top five; however, since I already started the list without a specific target number from Anon Two, and Korea gives some of the best confessions in the genre mixed with color coding, I can't reduce the list now. It's too late for me to trim it. I am attached to each pick. They are my children, and I can't desert them, so . . .

Top Ten Korean BLs

Rising Star - Love Tractor

I don't trust Korean BLs. A majority are too short, so either the beginning is confusing or the ending is flat, but unless Love Tractor completely fumbles the second half (which it could because . . . Korea), this will be a yearly top and even possibly an overall top for its country and all BLs. It's that good to me. It's hitting all the normal K-drama notes while being oh-so-very-gay. And as a rural queer, it pleases my soul to see country life presented in such a kind and beautiful way.

#10 - Roommates of Poongduck 304

Mr. Petty Peter Jae Yoon independently earned a spot on this list. Ho Joon was a jerk and a true nemesis when the show began, but Jae Yoon started effing up Ho Joon's home life the more Ho Joon kept messing up his work life, so it was a beautiful tit-for-tat the first few episodes; then, Ho Joon lost focus and wanted a consensual workplace relationship. His father appreciating his new attitude and rejection of his ladies' man ways was a delight to witness since we all knew it was due to him falling in love with a man. And oh boy did he fall in love. That entire conversation of Jae Yoon saying it's impossible for two men to fall in love, only for Ho Joon to respond that it was impossible for him NOT to fall in love with Jae Yoon is a top tier confession for me.

#9 - Blueming

I have issues with Blueming solely due to its ending because I was just as pissed as Siwon was at Daun. Maybe even more so. All was going well; then, the end of episode nine pulled a Thai episode eleven, and DAUN TOLD HIS MOM TO PICK THE FILM! I understand men in love do dumb shit, but that was a bold choice, and a very, very, VERY wrong one. As the youths say, "that was not the move." However, the cinematography was delicious like their silhouettes with that bewitching blue backdrop and their first kiss was realistic. Pretty kisses are cool and all, but the awkwardness of desperately wanting someone yet not knowing how to physically perform is true to many people's experiences and should be spotlighted more.

#8 - Choco Milk Shake

I only trust two entities with poly: Thai director Jojo, and Korea's Strongberry, so the fact that Strongberry did not give me poly when it was so clearly laid out is the reason this show isn't in the top three. It had a supernatural plot, great characters who were all well cast, and a happy ending, so WHY NOT POLY? I don't care if the rest of the world is ready or not. I'M READY! We are getting a second season, so if I if get a kiss AND a vocal acknowledgement of Milk and Choco's love for each other when their love for Jung Woo was well established in season one, this will cement its place in my heart and on this list forever.

#7 - Light on Me

Sixteen episodes with most running about thirty minutes?! A love triangle where I could root for both love interests?! A straight boy who earned his spot at the queer table?! Light on Me had it all and then some! Looking at my various lists, it's clear I am not fond of high school dramas, yet I was seated twice a week to see how our neurodivergent baby boy, Tae Kyung, fared that week in his adventure through social norms and annoyances, like trying to help a fellow peer by giving him back the dildo he dropped in the hallway, but getting yelled at instead. I was not Team Shin Woo until that cellphone confession, and then all I could see was Shin Woo. I'm telling y'all, Korea understands how to confess its unwavering love. Gets me every time!

#6 - The New Employee

As the BL fandom continues to evolve and expand, we will get more BLs geared toward adults and workplace dramas, but hopefully, they take the approach that The New Employee (and Thailand's Step by Step) did and make the work environment part of the drama. Working adults, sadly, spend a majority of their time at work, so finding love at one's job seems reasonable, but if anyone has experienced coworkers breaking up, that shit can get rough, real quick. So having to navigate a relationship with someone you work with, especially someone of a higher authority position, ON TOP OF being queer can be stressful, and is something I want more BLs to explore. There are levels to being out, and for most queers, being out at the job is not a possibility, but finding love anywhere is always a possibility, particularly for our late 20-something virgins.

#5 - Semantic Error

The fact that this came out in 2022 is beyond my understanding only because it seems like I have appreciated it for at least five years. This has become a comfort watch when it first started as a "nothing else is on" watch. I have never cared so much about honorifics in my life as I did watching the slow transition of Sang Woo’s emotional walls crumbling under Jae Young’s affection through language. As much as I hated the idea of forced collaboration (aka group projects), seeing the way Jae Young squirmed his way into Sang Woo’s every waking thought and had him seeing red to the point that Sang Woo was saving screenshots of Jae Young’s Instagram posts was a delight and one of the major reasons I keep returning to it. But the layered confession about Sang Woo finding Jae Young, a man, attractive which lead to Jae Young's countdown kiss is, once again, the reason Korean BLs win in the confession department.

#4 - The Eighth Sense

I'm still really bothered by some of the discourse that came out of this show about how it was better than everything else ever because the comments were reductive about the BL genre, yet some of the comments resonated with elements I loved about the series, mainly its look at mental health and trauma. It was a beautiful show, but the message it carried throughout about depression being isolating and taking the light out of people's lives hit me in a way that if this was the Thai list, I would have left it off because it felt like a personal attack. Wanting someone to save you from yourself, but terrified to drag them down with you was not the plot I wanted, but was the story a lot of us needed to see. We also needed to witness someone actively going to therapy. Let's continue this trend!

#3 - Our Dating Sim

"Have you been well . . . without me?" - Put this on my tombstone because I died and came back to life from this utterance alone. Episode four was already killing me, but once Eddy snapped and allowed all his emotions to spill out in front of Ian, the show came for all my past lives and future ones too. Deceased. I wrote this about the show while it was airing, but no other show has done the leave-him-because-I-love-him plot as well as Our Dating Sim. This show nailed it then made a billboard to boast about it because it was perfection. Ian's reasons for leaving were valid, but the show really shined by allowing Eddy to voice his anger at being ghosted for seven years by his best friend and someone he loved. It even touched on the trust issues that stem from someone saying he loves you only to abandon you. Just know I have NOT been well since this ended.

#2 - To My Star 1 & 2

The first season was almost perfect. The cat/dog energy, the "If it's hard for you, I'll come to you" confession, and the budding kink of Ji Woo kissing a tiny bloody wound on Seo Joon all served in a quick nine episodes gave me everything I needed, so I thought this would be my #1 the second season two was announced, but understand the sequel hurt me. The foundation was great: everyone came back, it had more episodes, the episodes were longer, and the conflict always existed in the first series, so a last-minute twist wasn’t invented. Yet, every single episode hurt. Much like I Told Sunset About You, it was realistic to the point that I expected it to end with pain. If season two was its own show and not a sequel to one of my favorites, it would have ranked higher because it was beautiful, but knowing the magic the first series possessed, and having to be a bystander to all the angst for EVERY EPISODE WITH NO RELIEF was tough. But, somehow, here I am secretly hoping we get blessed with a third series. That’s the power of the Star.

#1 - Long Time No See

Small flex - I've been involved with an international queer film festival for over a decade. I've seen easily over 1,000 pieces of queer media including feature films, short films, and documentaries through the screening process, which only adds to my always growing personal watched list. Long Time No See was one of those films. It didn't make it into the festival because I think it was already available on a streaming platform (maybe?), but it was a top for me then, and it's still a top for me now. Is it a BL? Not really. Is it a show? No, it's more like a two-part movie. So why am I allowing it to reign at the top of this list? BECAUSE IT IS AMAZING! In 2017, we were still getting the bury your gays trope shoved down our throats, so a film about two assassins getting a happy ending was a miracle. I read comments from some who did not like the portrayal of "toxic love" but were probably fine with Mr. and Mrs. Smith beating each other with cooking utensils for all the world's children to see, so God forbid, the queers do anything like want to kill AND fuck each other. Niña, Pinta, and Santa María, LET THE GAYS DO CRIMES TOO! Oh, and it's Strongberry, so because of this film - In Strongberry I trust.

[getvalentined]

I thought I posted this here ages ago, but I couldn't find it to link in another post I'm working on, so I'm posting it now!

Regardless of everything else surrounding the First SOLDIER battle royale game, I'm always going to be delighted that the timeline established in its opening cutscene indicates that Hojo and Lucrecia were experimenting on Vincent for around seven years before Lucy ran off and Hojo put him in the box.

See, the thing that's always bothered me about the known timeline of Vincent's life as it existed up until this cutscene dropped is that it kind of implied that Hojo did all his scientific body horror work in about two months, and then Lucrecia took over and spent a couple months on her part. This is...utterly ridiculous, for so many reasons, not the least of which is Shalua being aware of Lucrecia's work with Chaos having subjects, which it didn't prior to Grimoire's death—this project wouldn't have been ongoing long enough for Shalua to refer to "subjects" in Dirge if it was only a couple months of work.

The implication with the timeline shown in the FF7FS opening is that Lucrecia and Hojo both moved to Project 0 after their part of Project S was complete, presumably leaving Gast with Sephiroth while they tried to make superhumans that would be deployable sooner than a literal baby. We know it's post-Jenova Project, because Hollander is there but Gillian isn't, so she's already in Banora with baby Angeal. The team is shown working on Project 0 until around 1984, with Lucrecia present.

Hojo working on Vincent for a year or two while Lucrecia first gives birth to Sephiroth and then recovers from that whole ordeal makes sense. Him going back and forth between Midgar and Nibelheim trying shit on Vincent that he thinks might work on Project 0 also makes sense, given that we know Hojo's work on Vincent was eventually repurposed for a couple of the Tsviets, who are the current iteration of what Project 0 originally was.

When Vincent's body finally gives out, Hojo just kinda leaves him there, changing his focus entirely to Project 0, while Gast still has Sephiroth. Lucrecia comes back to Nibelheim at that point, for whatever reason, and picks up where Hojo left off, trying desperately to do something to keep from being responsible for killing both Valentines.

Gast leaves the company in 1984, whereupon Sephiroth is moved into Hojo's care—not Lucrecia's—and we can assume that Project 0 as a whole is shuffled.

This is the point where Lucrecia reaches the end of her rope. She's never going to get to meet her son, she's never going to get anywhere in this damn company, she's still so sick from the Jenova infection she contracted during her pregnancy. She can't do this anymore. So she dresses Vincent up like his dad (because his eyes look just like his father's), puts on a wedding dress she never got to wear, and leaves forever.

Hojo comes back to Nibelheim, possibly looking for Lucrecia—he either finds her "dead," or he only finds Vincent. Either way, Lucrecia ends up in the Nibel Mountains and Vincent ends up in the basement. With nothing left to lose and nothing holding him back, Hojo proceeds to track across the planet to find Gast and shoot him in the face.

This is a much better story.

This also explains why the official Dirge guide says that Vincent was asleep in the basement for, very specifically, 23 years, and why all Ultimania material cites that he was in the coffin for "over 20 years" even though he was shot to death 30 years ago. It's not a retcon. It never was. It's a clarification.

Vincent was killed in 1977, 30 years before Cloud found him during the Crisis. But he was under the knife and in the tubes for seven years after that, until the two equally brilliant psychopaths trying for opposing reasons to make him into Something Else finally gave up and put him in a box.

That's fantastic.

[absolutebl]

Hi!

As I have been watching Century of Love and Sunset x Vibes I started to wonder why DaouOffroad and MosBank don't use Hia. I know it's not a must and it absolutely depends on the person but it just got me thinking.

My question is if you could name some couples and/or series (I know of ZeeNeunew and BounPrem) where Hia is used.

I enjoyed reading your blog btw and I hope you have a good day/night!

Hia is only used on those who (are male) and have (or who's character's have) Chinese ancestry.

I don't really consume content rgr the actor's off screen (as branded pairs) BTS but in my experience in Thailand, hia is by invitation only IRL. It's comparatively rare to hear in use around and about. Even for promo I've only really heard ZeeNunew use it. I can't remember if BounPrem do. It's been so long...

You asked specifically about:

MosBank

So Bank is the elder and he's Thai/French/American, no Chinese ancestry that I know of. So I don't see how hia would come into play for them. I don't even know how they manage phi/nong, since couples who mostly portray age flipped age dynamics usually come to some kind of complex negotiation around pronouns when branding in public.

In Big Dragon I am assuming Mos's character had Chinese ancestry but they were age mates so... no hia.

IRL I have no idea on Mos's heritage, but like I said, he's the younger one so hia isn't an option. And if they were to get fuzzy with their pronouns like OhmFluke do, I suspect they would only fuck around with Phi. Hia's a bit more... untouchable? I guess that's how I'd put it.

I talk all about this kind of negotiation here (including ZeeNunew):

DaouOffroad

Okay this is a lot more complicated because these two belonged to a survivor show boy group together LAZ1 (Daou won 1st) before they started doing BLs as a pair.

Daou is Thai and of Teochew Chinese descent. He's also older so technically Offroad could indeed call him hia. But hia is kinda household intimate and a little more complicated than Phi.

Do they use it on circuit? I don't know. But my feeling is Daou would have to make it explicitly welcome, including to any publicity team (model, sponsor, actor, singer). It might even need to be discussed under that context with a whole team (including Offraod's people) because of the greater implications when balanced against a music career and family dynamics.

If I were them I'd settle on phi and avoid the whole messy business.

As for in the show, Century of Love?

Daou's character is A LOT older and def has Chinese ancestry. Offroad's character is calling him phi out the gate (cheeky).

I would expect (and be grumpy if it doesn't happen) this pair to have a linguistic negotiation at some point. We shall see if hia comes into play but rao/ter or something even more old fashioned is more likely. Hia could happen, but it just doesn't feel right for these characters.

More on Thai pronoun use in BL:

In general, like gu/mueng, hia is something you mostly only hear in Thai on screens. But for entirely different reasons.

Hope that helps.

I should add, a foreigner should never use hia unless it's explicitly offered. It's an honorific, but that still would be quite rude. ALSO if you use the wrong tone, it's a VERY bad word.

[yarameijer]

Hi again 👋,I am here after reading chapter 42 of accidental reverse and it's epic,it was definitely worth the long wait,I am a sucker for tenma&shuu and tenma& shindou friendship,so,I can't wait for the next one, How's recovery going,well I hope. love from Hana

So,one thing that really bothers me about inazuma eleven is that they gloss over relationships that are important.I get this anime mostly focuses on soccer,but still,I thought about and tenma got betrayed 4 times in the series,4 Times,That's insane

First,shuu: I don't like that they completely glossed over this in the movie,I get that they didn't know each other for long,but tenma trusted him and shuu clearly knew they'd be playing against each other,being part of the team that beat raimon up, completely disregarding tenma's reaction,not patting an eye at tenma's best friend being locked in a cage like an animal.no matter how you look at it, that's a betrayal,I know the "fixed things"at the end of the movie,bit, tenma must've been hurt that someone he trusted betrayed him from the very beginning but shuu didn't apologize and I hate that.

Next, taiyou :I talked about this one in my previous post,What Taiyou did even without telling gouenji about anything interesting tenma told him(because that's not canon),what he did is a huge betrayal,Not telling tenma when he knew of his involvement in the revolution,acting cold and rude during their match,lying to his friend's face, completely disregarding his friend's feelings.That's a huge betrayal and I wish they payed attention to it,it was overshadowed by shindou breaking his leg and again tenma must've been hurt.

Next,Fei: this one's self explanatory,He apologized and I guess he betrayed all of raimon,but again,He and tenma were definitely the closest and he was hurt.

Next,The one that hurt him the most, tsurugi:I don't think I have to explain this and my hand's tired.

Not to mention that tge team treated him horribly in the beginning,like,shindou literally beat a junior up and I know he was upset,I know he was angry,but that doesn't excuse it,He's older and he should've taken it easy on a newbie who helped them before.and he never apologized.

Kurama was definitely the worst,He was rude,cold and blamed tenma for literally everything wrong in the club which is ridiculous and he never apologized.

The rest of the team, basically stood by and watched,The only ones on tenma's side from the very beginning are shinsuke and Aoi,which is why I love this trio and I think it should get more love.

So,my point is that everyone treated tenma horribly,no one apologized except for Fei and those betrayals must've hurt.

I want these guys to realize they messed up when they see tenma being hesitant to tell them something or see him more comfortably sharing things with, let's say,earth eleven more than them, specifically Taiyou and shuu.

Could you write a drabble about it.

Sorry,this is so long.I read A.R chapter 42 and came to vent.

Love you ❣️

Oh boy do I have feelings about this.

Through the years of writing stories, as I grew older, I started looking deeper into the characters' mindsets, to try and give them a more realistic and individual representation. This means it isn't always in line with what is shown in the anime, but I don't really mind. Tenma's character is pretty interesting to me because of three reasons: his cheerful attitude, his insecurities, and being allowed to move miles away from home at age eight.

The first two are quite well known in the fandom already and more people have experimented with it, but it's the third one I rarely see. Someone even told me it wasn't a big deal.

Is it really, though? What would such a thing do to a child? What kind of family situation would it be for parents to allow their eight-year-old kid to move several hundred miles away, for years? I get that he wanted to play at Raimon and that they were supporting him - but he started that school at age 12/13, so why would he be sent to Inazuma Town four years before he could even attend Raimon? It doesn't mean Tenma's parents are bad or abusive, but it does imply there's a more complicated situation, one that could actually explain quite a lot of Tenma's insecurities. It's just something that's been keeping my mind occupied lately, and I'm planning to use it in my stories more. 

All in all, I feel like Tenma's character can be quite complicated, without a ridiculously complicated and tragic backstory. It just doesn't fit, y'know? And it's a bit too cliché for me. Putting that aside for now, there's also one more specific characteristic I've given the Tenma in my stories: he has a hard time opening up, which means I'm not sure whether the issues you mentioned are ones he would just talk about. The Tenma I'm writing is much more likely to try to deflect a topic so I don't think I can fully 'finish' this? The issue won't be resolved by the end of the drabble because healing takes time, and I think I might build on this idea in future chapters more. I'll try my best though! And I didn't include Earth Eleven cuz they didn't seem right for this role. Instead Aoi gets some more love XD

So, just a warning, I have an idea for the start of this drabble but beyond that, my mind is blank. I have no idea what I'm about to write so bear with me here, and let's hope it's not too messy.

------------

Tenma has never had a lot of friends.

He told his yearmates, once, when they were hanging out at his house. Kariya and Hikaru had been talking about the team, about how much fun every day was, about how they weren't used to it. Tenma, relaxed and content and safe, agreed.

They'd been surprised, a little disbelieving. They were nice about it! But Kariya's, "For real? Could've fooled me!" had stuck with him, no matter how teasing it had sounded.

It's the truth, though. Before Raimon he'd had Aoi, and one or two people he would sit with during lunch at school, but that was about it.

He loves Inazuma Town, now more than ever - but making the switch from his relatively small seaside hometown to this busy Tokyo district was hard, harder than he'd admitted to anyone but himself. It's not that he didn't want to, but... Aki always got so sad when Tenma was sad and he could see her brightening whenever he said he was happy (and he was!) and okay. He didn't understand it fully back then, but he thinks he's starting to. Aki had been so young.

(Sometimes he's guilty, for putting more weight on her shoulders. For making her look after him when she was barely in her twenties.

Sometimes he's angry at his parents for putting such a burden on her. For ever getting it in their minds to ask their young cousin to be responsible for an eight-year-old child.

Sometimes he's angry at them for allowing him to go in the first place.

Most often, though, he's angry at them for making him want to.)

Tenma was in a new town, living with a relative he barely knew, and painfully shy. His soccer obsession didn't exactly help - everyone likes soccer, of course, how could they not when seeing all those hissatsu? But they don't live and breathe it like he does, like his teammates do. When the kids in his neighborhood found out that soccer was all he ever focused on, they lost interest in him pretty quickly.

(Most of them, at least, and the ones who didn’t - well, their interest wasn’t exactly a good thing.)

Aoi was an exception. But, Tenma has long since realized, Aoi is absolutely crazy in her own, hidden way (she'd have to be, to put up with their team's shenanigans).

Anyway.

Tenma isn't very experienced in the friends department, as surprising as many people seem to find it. He's never really cared, to be honest. He'd had Aoi and Aki and Sasuke and he found out early on that a lot of people just don't care. Fighting that never worked out for him, so why bother?

"Tenma!"

The sudden call has him looking up, brought back to the present.

Shindou has twisted around in his seat. He looks vaguely annoyed. "Finally. What's got you so distracted?"

Tenma blinks. "I'm sorry, senpai," he responds automatically, surprised by his own absentmindedness. He didn't expect to be so caught up in his daydreams with his entire team around him - the noise level in the bus is, as usual with them, high, and the air is filled with a familiar excitement at the prospect of a match, especially after so long.

"It's fine," the strategist sighs, a smile finally pulling at his lips that Tenma would almost call fond. "Just don't zone out all day, alright? We can't afford that when facing Arakumo Academy."

"Right," the captain agrees easily.

He expects that to be the end of it because Shindou is turning around in his seat again, leaving Tenma to his thoughts once more - but it isn’t.

"This is the second time you're distracted when we're playing against Arakumo," someone else drawls - Tsurugi, who's seated on the opposite side of the bus aisle, arms crossed and lounging in his chair like a king. "I'm starting to suspect a pattern."

Tenma, for lack of a better reaction, smiles and shrugs. He doesn't know what to say to that, because it's true.

Their last, and first, match against Arakumo wasn't his finest moment, he’ll readily admit.

Thankfully Tsurugi doesn't care much for his lack of reaction, focusing once more on the book he was reading. Tenma watches him for a moment, and then looks out of the window again.

He knows it's bound to get his mind wandering again, and he's not in the mood for another scolding, but there's not much else to do. Shinsuke next to him is playing a game on his phone, Hayami and Hamano in the row in front of him are discussing homework. Everyone else is either caught up in their own conversations or seated too far away to comfortably converse with.

Tenma starts tapping a mindless rhythm on his knee to keep himself in the present. He's restless. Hopefully the match will get him out of his head - he's not even sure why he's so distracted.

(That's a lie.)

He should be fine, right?

Everything's fine.

It all worked out.

School has started again after the summer holidays - of which he spent the first half in space. It still feels unreal to him, despite over a month having passed.

Not much else happened during the holidays. He'd caught a plane to Okinawa and stayed there pretty much until school started again, only returning to Tokyo a day and a half before. It had been nice to be back home, spending most of his time on the beach or exploring the familiar streets or practicing soccer by himself. He’s gotten sufficiently tanned, as well, and it was pretty funny to see Tsurugi’s annoyance at that once he got back.

This is their first match after the break - school's been in for only a week - and beneath the excitement, there's some nervous energy too. Arakumo is one of their most challenging opponents and they all know it.

At least it's only a friendly match instead of anything tournament-related, so the usual pressure of winning (especially when trying to lead a revolution against a deluded tyrant organization) is absent. Maybe, Tenma muses, that's why he's so distracted.

The fact that this is the first time he'll be playing against Taiyou since their argument doesn't exactly help. They've talked about it at length, and they've tentatively been texting and even hung out once over the summer, but there's a sense of discomfort that they're still trying to get past. Tenma, if only in his own mind, can admit he's worried about how any competitive interaction will affect them.

He doesn't want to lose Taiyou's friendship, but…

The brunet sighs and shakes his head. At this rate he's just going to keep on being distracted, and inevitably disappoint his team. He doesn't want to take that risk for their first match after such a long break.

Or, any match, really.

Especially not after-

Well.

After.

(He still cannot help but feel a bit jumpy, after all the arguments with Shindou during the Grand Celesta Galaxy, after Tsurugi’s kidnapping, after, after, after.

It had felt like he'd been on thin ice when he first joined the team, but that sensation had slowly but surely faded as he found his place.

Now, after, he hates that he's once more double-checking his every action. Hates that he's lost the sense of security in where he stands that had been near unshakable before the Grand Celesta Galaxy.)

Tenma is, once again, brought back to the present, this time because their bus is slowing to a stop. A glance out of the window tells him all he needs to know, and he hides a grimace.

Seems like they have arrived at Arakumo Academy.

------------

Raimon reaches their destination right on schedule, Shindou is glad to note. They'd left early so they'd have enough time to get ready and go over their strategy before the game starts, as they usually do, but Arakumo is a challenging enough opponent that any extra time is welcome.

They're guided over the campus in the direction of the soccer stadium and Shindou takes in the sights with mild interest. It's been a while since he's visited Arakumo - their previous match had been in one of Fifth Sector's stadiums. The prestigious academy hasn't changed much. It certainly lives up to its reputation, not quite as large as Teikoku's buildings, but nothing to look down on either. It's got a more serious appearance than Raimon, with red-toned walls and roofs with cloud patterns.

However, Raimon is here for a match, not to play tourist, and soon they find themselves in their assigned dressing room to get ready for the match. It's as the team is entering the room, getting ready to change out of their training suits, that a ringtone disrupts the usual chatter.

It's uncommon enough that Shindou finds himself glancing up, involuntarily raising his eyebrows as Tenma scrambles for his phone. He catches the captain's gaze and Tenma shoots him an apologetic look while he answers the call. “Hello?”

Shindou turns away and smiles at Kirino on his other side as he reaches for his bag, but despite his wish to give his captain some privacy, they’re right next to each other. It’s impossible not to overhear the one-sided conversation.

“I apologize, this isn't really the right time,” he hears Tenma say, sounding genuinely sorry and surprisingly formal. “I'm playing a match in-”

The brunet falls silent for several moments after the, assumed, interruption. Shindou unzips the jacket of his training suit and shrugs it off his shoulders. He's already wearing his uniform underneath the track suit, so he won't take long changing.

Next to him, Tenma starts talking again. “I understand, but I,” and falls silent yet again. Shindou frowns.

Something about the way his captain keeps on halting in the middle of his sentences seems a little odd. Shindou finds himself halting his movements, unable to keep himself from looking over at his young friend. It's not on purpose, but he's always believed in the worth of information, and something about the increasing tension in Tenma's voice raises his guard.

‘’Yes, I do understand, but is it really not possible?’’ The brunet in question is clutching his phone, lips pulled into a frown while his other hand holds on tightly to the edge of the bench. Whatever he's being told clearly affects him, and whatever reply he receives has his shoulders drooping visibly as he says, ‘’I know, but it was scheduled months ago…’’

It takes Shindou a second to classify the tone in Tenma's voice - not disappointed, but… resigned?

Whatever this conversation is that Tenma is now being forced to share with the entire team, it doesn't reassure Shindou in the slightest.

And it's clear he's not the only one. Although they're trying to hide it, the strategist notices several of his friends shooting worried glances at their captain, and the usual rambunctious chatter is muted. It’s by accident that Shindou and Tsurugi lock eyes over Tenma’s head, but it’s clear to both - they’re equally confused.

Tenma hasn’t hinted at any issue to either of them, and Shindou doesn’t quite know how to feel about that realization. He doesn’t mean to assume, but… well, as far as he knows, the brunet is an open book.

Especially to him and Tsurugi, or so Shindou had thought.

(Tenma respects him, he knows. It's clear the young brunet values his opinion, but he's also comfortable enough to approach Shindou with his issues and insecurities. To ask for help. To let himself be vulnerable.

Shindou appreciates that, could even say he's honored by the faith the brunet puts in him.

So to find out there's apparently something - a situation that seems to be the norm rather than the exception, based on Tenma's reaction - that has such an impact on the brunet, which he hasn't even hinted at towards Shindou nor Tsurugi…

Well, it throws him off more than he thought it would.)

The captain doesn't seem to have noticed the slowly increasing attention on him, too focused on whatever conversation he's having. One that's clearly not going well. “Are you certain?” he asks, sounding dull, and Shindou grimaces. That sounds very different from the Tenma he's used to, and it feels wrong.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to complain.’’

That is…

Shindou has to look away from Tenma then. He can’t stand the sight of him so muted, so wrong, and he gets the feeling he is intruding on something he has no right to know about.

Instead he exchanges a look with Kirino next to him, the defender appearing just as startled as the strategist imagines he himself looks.

‘’Alright. I understand.’’ The words are mumbles but where they would otherwise have gone unheard, now the team has become silent enough for it to be picked up. ‘’Right. Goodbye, then.”

Tenma hangs up and drops his phone carelessly in his bag. Then he sighs softly, staring at the ground for several seconds before getting to his feet with the intent to get changed.

Shindou debates saying something, thoroughly unsettled because he's seen Tenma worried, sad and even angry a few times, but this… this is somehow worse. Clearly upset about something and yet shrugging it off completely at the same time. He's got no idea how to handle this new side of his friend, and he doesn't like it one bit.

He doesn’t seem to be the only one doubting themselves, something hesitant in the air as the team waits - for what, Shindou can’t quite tell. For Tenma to explain? The captain doesn’t even seem to notice their focus on him as he pulls off his suit jacket, but the strategist can’t help but wonder if that’s really the case. Either the brunet is so lost in his own thoughts he doesn’t notice the unusual quiet in the changing room, or he’s pretending.

It’s Tsurugi who breaks first, and Shindou feels a little relieved. Whatever issue Tenma may be facing, his guess is that he'll most easily open up to either Shinsuke, Tsurugi, or Shindou himself. He's never asked for the details but he knows Tenma and Tsurugi share a lot - Tsurugi about his brother and his time as a Seed, and Tenma about his insecurities.

“What was that all about?” the striker mumbles from the brunet’s other side, a quiet offer to talk about it.

Tenma stills in the midst of securing the captain's band around his arm.

He doesn't even look at his best friend and there's a sudden, horrid feeling of dread in the pit of Shindou's stomach that he doesn't know the origin of.

“Nothing to concern yourself with,” Tenma says evenly, and that's it. He goes back to changing like nothing happened. Like his team didn't just watch him act more cautious and restrained than he did while they traveled to the future.

He hadn't even hesitated.

Hadn't even seemed to consider talking to his team - and sure, that might not be considered odd if it were anyone else, but this is Raimon. They are arguably closer than any other team, after everything they've faced together. It's their whole thing, their never ending support of each other and their strong bonds, the reason they've made it this far, and if there's anyone who enforces that stereotype, it's Tenma.

And yet he hadn't even spared Tsurugi a single glance as he'd answered.

Shindou doesn't know what to think.

With the sudden, painful, and most importantly unusual sense of awkwardness in the air, Raimon finishes getting changed. Coach Endou shows up not long after, as bright and enthusiastic as he always is, and at least that manages to lighten the mood a little. He repeats their strategy once more, supported by Haruna refreshing the most important data on the Arakumo team, and the boys listen intently to his advice until he dismisses them with a few minutes to spare.

There's chatter in the changing room again, the excitement at the prospect of a match against a team as challenging as Arakumo resurfacing, and yet Shindou still finds himself watching his captain.

The brunet doesn't join in on any conversations, lips thin and shoulders still a bit tense.

He approaches Aoi.

The girl looks up from where she's preparing towels for the boys for later, her smile fading the moment she catches sight of him in favor of a frown. “Are you okay?” she asks.

Tenma mutely shakes his head, eyes downcast.

Aoi reaches out for him, catching him by the shoulder. She seems worried, but there's something in the way she approaches the brunet that seems to speak of experience.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Tenma, finally, cracks a smile. “Later,” he tells her. “Wanna join Aki-nee and I for dinner?”

The girl immediately brightens, both at the offer and the prospect of supporting her childhood friend. “I'd love to. I'll let my parents know, do I need to text Aki-san for you?”

“Please.”

The whole interaction speaks of familiarity and care. Shindou, objectively, knew they were friends, childhood friends. Knew they live in the same neighborhood, knew they hang out together often.

Knowing is different from seeing.

The way Aoi had immediately seen something was up, the way she'd known exactly how to react. How Tenma talks to her so easily when he'd seemed painfully uncomfortable with the team, had, in fact, approached her himself because he wanted to talk. The easy invitation for dinner, something they're apparently both so used to that they hadn't even considered that either Aoi's parents or Tenma's guardian could have any problem with the sudden change of plans.

There's a trust there. A trust that, until ten minutes ago, Shindou had believed to extend to the rest of the team.

As the two first-years keep talking, Tenma smiling once more, the strategist is suddenly struck with the feeling he just intruded on something private yet again. He turns away sharply.

And catches Tsurugi's gaze once more.

Seems like he wasn't the only one keeping an eye on Raimon's wayward captain - and from the frown pulling at Tsurugi's lips, it's clear the striker recognized the same thing he did.

Tsurugi is far too good at masking his emotions, but for once Shindou can make out the confusion - and dare he say the hurt - in his eyes.

Though neither of them says a word, there's a quiet understanding between them.

For all that Tenma seems to depend on them, in the span of a single phone call it has become painfully clear that there’s a boundary that neither of them had been aware of before.

And Shindou can’t help but wonder why that doesn’t surprise him as much as he thought it would.

------------

Okay, so I tried to include Taiyou like you asked, but he didn’t want to be written. Neither did Raimon really realize they ‘messed up’, as you said, rather it’s a slow suspicion creeping up on them. This is sort of the start of the process in which Raimon realizes, ‘oh, wait, something isn’t exactly right here’.

That’s also because I’ve got some more things planned for them. Tenma has issues, but he’s also not the person to acknowledge them, or blame Raimon for their actions - but it still bothers him unconsciously and I’m hoping to build on that. Rather than outright telling Raimon, or even showing there’s a problem, he’d prefer to ignore his own feelings on the matter. He’s just not the type of person to keep grudges or blame others.

And then there's the rest of the team to consider - there's other people who still have opinions on what happened at the start of the year, but simply haven't brought it up while they were dealing with evil organizations and time traveling. Midori, for example, won't stay silent forever, and she's certainly no fan of how Tenma and Shinsuke were treated in the beginning.

Also, that phone call is actually important, but in the AR timeline is also something Tenma only faces during the third-year, AKA two years from this point in time. Very slow-going, basically, which is again why this drabble doesn't really solve anything.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed (despite the long wait, sorry about that)!

[reds-skull]

Post script on Not Alive, Nor Dead

Like I mentioned yesterday, I have a lot to say about the fic now that it's done.

The TLDR is that I'm leaving an option for a sequel. No promises though.

Leaving the rest of it under the cut because idk how long it will end up.

Okay, so first thing I gotta admit is that I didn't plan shit lmao. I had the start very clearly in my head, which were the scenes I talked about in the first post I made about revenant AU. But the entire plot line with Graves being a secret revenant? Hell, even the whole 'revenants and non-revs are getting kidnapped around the world' was not planned.

The scene in chapter 4 with the PMC was the introduction for the anonymous PMC, but I didn't think of making Graves and in extension Shadow Company all the work of a revenant. I was debating even making him a revenant at all, up until I wrote the chapter introducing him.

This approach, of not planning shit, is what made me excited to sit down and write every day. It felt like I was discovering the story myself.

It's also a fucking miracle the story is coherent in any shape or form.

Now, I did write a few things before starting. They were a small overview of the character arcs I want the 141 to go through, and a brief about each revenant's powers, because those things need to be consistent.

The arc overview isn't accurate anymore, it has a version of Gaz's storyline that I didn't manage to fit in, where he has a fear of heights, and overcomes it throughout the fic. The only one really left unchanged was Soap, who had the whole "my powers are too destructive" thing ongoing for most of the story.

Speaking of Soap, the Konchar mystery? I was figuring it out while writing the 3 chapters before introducing 'Konchar'. There are some inconsistencies because of that, specifically in a line where Soap says something along the lines of "I did something on my Reaping, something that if I could replicate, I might've not been let on the team." which kinda makes sense but kinda doesn't, considering all that Ghost has done.

Ghost's struggles with Limbo were something I added after wanting to give him a parallel to Soap. Originally, Ghost's role was to be the guy that has already gone through what Soap is going through, already knowing everything and having as much control on Limbo as he can. But making Limbo this uncontrollable realm was more interesting... also having it reflect Ghost's mind and emotions was cool.

One of the most pleasant surprises was how Price's powers interacted with everyone else's. I think it was the best power to personality match I made, he's not as scary as the others at first glance, but the ability to bore into the minds of his enemies, the way no one can keep secrets from him? Makes him terrifying. It's not made clear in the fic, but the reason it took Price so long to figure Graves out is their previous encounters. Graves knew how to divert his thoughts away from his Shadows, and stop Price from finding out.

What made Price realize Grave's Shadows aren't human is he tried to read their mind, only to find a list of commands. Graves tried to keep them away as much as he can, but it was inevitable. Shepherd knew it, which is why he ordered Price to keep his mouth shut almost instantly.

Since the way revenants get their powers must be linked to the way they died, some revs were easier to find powers for than others. Obviously the 141 was first, some at the time I started thinking about how they died didn't have a canon near-death experience, like Price and Soap.

I took Ghost's og backstory, and the idea of Limbo was gotten from the fact he died in a coffin, in a state of in between life and death. What Limbo does to people was just 'scariest thing I could imagine' type of situation. In the end, I don't know if Limbo is scarier when Ghost couldn't control it, or when both he and Soap could.

With Soap, I knew I wanted something with explosions, so it was a no-brainer to make him die from one. I mentioned in another post, but revenant AU was originally at the very beginning just a thing of 'what if I put mw characters in my original magic system?', and in that scenario, Soap was the only one with powers, which were control over anti matter, meaning anything he touches or touches him explodes. The only scene from that one is of Soap pushing Ghost away and getting shot to high hell, only to go and explode the people that tried to kill him - which is chapter 8.

I chose to use Gaz's iconic hanging out of a chopper scene, because I found it funny tbh lol. Later, when I thought of how exactly he died, it became more serious.

Price's were just kinda random tbh. I figured telepathy is a good ability for a Captain.

Rudy obviously dies in the house fire he almost did in the campaign. Alejandro was harder, but I thought of how Graves locked him up in the black site prison alone, so I went for something similar.

It's not mentioned in the fic, but Farah was the youngest to die from all of them. The house collapse in the start of her flashbacks in mwi, where her father pulled her out of the rubble? She didn't survive it. She's a very rare revenant, to be Reaped when she was a kid.

Farah and Ghost's og backstory have a lot of similarities, in my mind they're parallels to each other. What Farah had that Ghost didn't, however, is other people, a community. I think that's why she didn't lose herself the way Ghost did.

Alex's was difficult, because his canon near-death experience was being exploded, like Soap. I used the fact he's ex CIA, to figure he probably took part of many covert operations, and one went wrong. He was caught, so now he can go invisible. This was the thing I failed to make clear the most in the fic, I think, since a few people asked, more than anything else.

Thomas Anderson, the revenant with underwater breathing abilities, was originally made just for Ghost to roast him. When chapter 8 rolled around, and I needed a random revenant to kill there, I thought using the one established would make sense.

Accidental foreshadowing like this was what carried the fic, tbh. It was like a huge session of 'yes, and'ing myself. A little bit of bullshitting confidently, sometimes it felt like that lmao.

The wedding vows in chapter 31 were, again, unplanned. Ghost said "till death do us apart, Johnny?", so I started looking up Christian wedding vows in English because I don't fully remember them. Later I thought "wait, Soap is Catholic, maybe they have a different version." and then I thought, "shit, he's fuckin' Scottish, he won't use fucking American Catholic vows." (maybe he would idk).

Anyway, I found the Celtic vows present in the fic, which sounded like a metaphor, so perfect I couldn't use them just for the original joke they were meant for. So Soap ends up reciting literal wedding vows at the man.

[here's a link to the website I found the vows at]

Last thing is the whole Makarov tie in to Konchar. I was thinking about how we never really dove deep into why Konchar did what he did, besides having his Reaper tell him "you have to kill Soap before he kills you". I heard an advice somewhere, that in world building you have to dive in two questions for it to be believable.

So, let's take Konchar for example. First question is, "how did Soap killing Konchar not bring on an international incident between Kastovia and the UK?". The answer is, "Konchar was an army deserter." Second question is, "why did Konchar desert the army?", and the second answer is, "because he left to work with Makarov."

We don't need to know why he left, not at the point I left the fic at. Those two answers would be enough for readers to not feel like there's a plot hole there, at least according to that advice I've heard.

NOW, with all of that out of the way, I wanted to post the notes I've made on each revenant's powers, because I thought it could be interesting for someone. AND! I kept some deleted scenes, and it would be a shame to just let them rot in the Google Doc lol.

First up, list of revenants and their powers:

[These aren't 100% accurate anymore, as they were written before I started writing the fic, and I only added stuff to them]

Ghost - limbo: is able to send a circle around him into “limbo”, a space between life and death, that no one can escape. Filled with his enemies. Only way to survive is if ghost brings you to the eye of the storm, where he keeps himself safe of his own powers. Ghost can be killed by any means if taken by surprise and doesnt activate his powers.

If stands still too long, inky hands start grasping at him from the ground. Prefers to sleep elevated.

Died in a coffin.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield to withstand fire in his right hand.

Soap - explosion: cant be killed by explosions, and can explode anything he touches. Any injury with the root cause being explosion (fall from high building, debris scratches, etc.) will be healed, but he does feel pain from it. Gunshots cant kill him (the bullets shoot with explosions). Can be killed by any melee attack, poison, electricity.

Fire burns from his fingertips, hard to put out. Spreads when agitated. Hot to the touch.

Died from a fall because of an explosion.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield the protective light in his left hand in Limbo.

Gaz - gravity: can manipulate gravity of himself and objects he touches. Cant die from falling. Can be killed by any means, but hard to catch and aim at while at motion.

Usually floats a couple inches off ground.

Died in a helicopter accident.

Price - telepathy: can talk and transmit simple ideas to other around him. Can feel emotions of others. Can be killed by any means, but Price can manipulate the enemies thoughts and distract them.

His thoughts can “leak” if left unguarded.

Died after being abandoned and without comms.

Alejandro - phase: can phase through solid objects, including bullets. Can be killed by any means if caught by surprise.

Sometimes accidentally phases through things.

Died in captivity.

Rodolfo - ice: can lower the temperature of anything he touches rapidly. Can freeze and jam guns. Can inflict ice burns. Can be killed by any means beside fire.

Breath always visible, cold to the touch.

Died in a fire.

Farah - steelskin: can deflect any attack to her body. Bullets, knives, rockets. Can be killed by poison easily, as needles cant pierce her skin and therefore medical administration is hard to give.

Skin shines oddly.

Died from a stab wound. [changed to what I explained above]

Youngest to become a revenant.

Alex - invisibility: can become invisible. Otherwise can be killed by any means, hard to spot.

Skin sometimes flickers.

Died when got caught.

Graves - shadow company: can create “shadows”, puppets he controls. Can be killed by any means, but hard to get through his shadows.

Doesnt have a shadow of his own, eyes become milky and vacant, leaking after a while.

Died from betrayal.

[I didn't manage to find a place to add this - yes, Graves died after his squad betrayed him. His powers are a replacement for the whole army. His last line, "Me? I am the army." was what he boiled down to. Limbo's victims marking him a traitor was two fold. He betrayed the 141, Vaqueros, the UFL and basically everyone around him, but he also betrayed his own Reaper, who gave him powers to not go through that very thing. It's also another reason why chapter 30 is called 'Die As You Live'.]

Kirill “Konchar” Bogomolov - telekinesis: can move objects with his mind. Can protect himself from any physical attack, and redirect them towards the attacker. Is a revenant of the Pull, like Gaz.  (name means “Lord” and “devotionalist”) First death from RPG, second death by Soap.

Now, for the cut content. Most of these are one scene, usually one that didn't fit the emotinal arc of the characters, or the direction was going somewhere I didn't like. There's one that is a page and a half long, and that chapter was one of the hardest to write, so I practically restarted it at one point.

I'll try to add the context they were originally in if I remember.

[Context: the scene in Chapter 5, where Ghost watches the night sky out of a window, unable to sleep, and Soap comes to speak with him for the first time since they fought about Soap's tendenticy to let himself get hurt. Soap says he heard rumors about Ghost, and Ghost asks what they said.]

“ (rumors) That you murder our soldiers.”

Something akin to fear rang through his chest. So he knows… He supposes it was meant to happen eventually.

Soap’s face, for some reason, doesn’t lose its newfound cheerfulness.

“And what do you think about those rumors?” Hell knows why he wants to keep hearing him talk.

“Well, that makes the two of us.”

… What.

“What?” Ghost intelligently mutters.

Soap’s eyes widen, face not unlike a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

[Reason to cut: Soap wasn't supposed to admit that yet. He also wouldn't have done it in such a non-chalant way, with how heavy the guilt weighs on him.]

[Context: Chapter 10, where Ghost was showing his powers to the Vaqueros and Graves.]

The Captain’s voice fills his head, “field’s clear, go ahead Lieutenant.”

Ghost glances one last time at Soap’s figure, no more than a small speck, far, far away from him.

He closes his eyes. The warm air of Las Almas dissipates into the chill of Limbo.

He opens them, confused. The void is quiet, the residents of Limbo looking at the distance, calm and still. It reminds him of… before.

Ghost frowns, narrowing his eyes to try and see what caught their attention. There, a far away point flickers.

A small, white flame. Where… Soap was standing. 

Ghost blinks and stumbles back. Price instantly sounds in his mind, “Simon, what’s going on?!”

“I saw something there…” He makes eye contact with the Captain, who is now jogging towards him, Gaz and Soap behind him. “Light… from Johnny.”

It can’t be… how is Soap able to affect Limbo? Every single spiritulogist he met agreed on the fact he’s a sort of master over Limbo, that the realm is a manifestation he’s inseparably linked to.

The only thing others can do there, is die.

“What do you mean light?” Price urges on.

“A small flame. Where Soap was. The victims were all staring at it.”

The 141 members reach him, Johnny rushing to him, “are you alright?”

Ghost gapes at him, “you’re different. I’ve… changed you.”

Soap frowns, “what are ye on about?” he steps closer.

Ghost takes a step back, “stop.”

The Sergeant stills, a hurt expression flashing on his face before he schools his features.

Price invades his mind, “Simon, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down?! I fucked up Soap! I need to-”

The ladder patterns. Ghost turns around.

“SIMON RILEY”

“Reaper”, he exhales shakily.

“YOU’VE DOOMED YOURSELF. IT IS TOO LATE.”

“What are you talking about?!” Ghost screams, “you keep saying I’m gonna die, while Johnny keeps suffering!”

“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER REVENANTS, SIMON.”

The Reaper leans in to shriek in his ears, Ghost clutching his head uselessly.

“YOU ARE INTERTWINED.” 

Ghost cries from the pain. His Reaper does not falter.

“KILL HIM FIRST.”

His vision fades along with the Reaper’s words.

“Ghost! Fuck, someone get a medic” Someone shouts above him.

Another voice interjects, “he’s not injured, Sergeant. He’s with his Reaper.”

“From my experience, that doesn’t make me holler and pass out!”

A third person joins the conversation, “shut it! He’s waking up.”

Ghost groans and makes a move to rub his eyes, only to be stopped by his hard-shell mask. “Simon? You alright son?” Price asks, bringing the smell of fresh flowers and a soft bed to him.

He gets up (when did he lay down?) and mutters, “fine”. His voice hoarse from screaming. He takes in his team, the three of them concernedly crouch beside him, except Soap, who’s pacing around.

The Sergeant stops and eyes him warily. 

“My Reaper’s mad.” he says in lieu of explanation to the others.

Soap stops, and looks down at him, still avoiding his stare, “it’s because of me, isn’t it?”

He sighs, “when those arms started grabbing ye I thought it was gonna-”

“What arms?” Ghost gets up.

“The dark arms from the ground, don’t tell me you didn’t noti-”

Ghost grabs the front of Soap’s shirt, “you fuckin’ see them?!”

The Sergeant struggles against his iron tight grasp, “aye! Thought I was hallucinating last night, fuckers made a pass at me-”

Ghost pushes him away, “fuckin’ hell”. 

What the fuck is going on?! Nobody can see the victims outside of Limbo. It’s almost like…

“He has some of my powers…” Ghost whispers to himself.

But that’s not possible? 

[Reason to cut: chapter wasn't working out for me. Characters not reacting in character. Reaper not supposed to show up just yet, and what it says kinda repeats previous encounters.]

[Context: chapter 13, instantly after Rudy and Gaz confront Ghost on his relationship with Soap.]

What, do they think he and Soap are sleeping side by side every night, comfortably tangled under the thin sheets? That he warms himself on his Sergeant’s eternal flame, that Johnny brushes his charred, calloused fingers over his arms, his shoulders, his neck, chasing away the cold, inky grasp Limbo always has on him? That Ghost reciprocates, that he holds Johnny’s face softly, bringing them closer and closer until-

[Reason to cut: out of character. Ghost doesn't think about affectionate actions, he jsut does them. Too early in the story for him to express such wants.]

[Context: I don't remember honestly. Entire scene was cut. Might be later in chapter 13, before Graves threatens Ghost.]

He catches Alejandro pacing around the base one day, frowning and arguing with Rudy in Spanish. From what Ghost can pick up, it’s something about an American. He’s pretty damn certain which one.

“Vargas, any issues?” he stops him before the man pops a blood vessel.

Alejandro glances at him, scanning their surroundings for eavesdropping ears. “Come with me.”

The three enter the Vaquero Commander’s office, Rudy locking it behind them, “it’s about Graves.” Alejandro starts pacing again, “fucking gringo is ordering his shadows to collect intel on us.”

“What?” that’s a huge fucking development.

Rudy is quick to correct him, “we can’t prove anything. But yes… Graves knows more than he should.”

“He knows about secret tunnels we have under the base, and weapon stashes that not even Price knows about. We got fucking Shepherd trying to get us to use locations for the mission he shouldn’t even know exist.”

Ghost feels the tension climb up his spine, “what the fuck do you think he’s playing at?”

Alejandro exhales loudly, “whatever it is, [I didn't finish the sentence]

[Reason to cut: Decided that Vaqueros wounldn't suspect Graves, and he wouldn't risk his powers found by using Shadows to spy on them. Didn't like where the scene was directing the story.]

[Context: chapter 19, when Ghost asks Gaz for help with showing emotions with Soap. Gaz asks why can't he now.]

Garrick nods thoughtfully, “and what is it that stops you? Fear?”

Ghost clenches his teeth, this conversation feels like pulling them out one by one, “I’m not afraid of him.”

“Wasn’t saying that sir”, Gaz thrums on his boot, “could be rejection, or… shit. Of course.” he stares at Ghost, eyes soft.

“The fuck’s it?” he glares back.

Gaz releases his powers, standing up in front of him, “you need to get over your fear of feeling.”

[Reason to cut: out of character. Wouldn't confront emotions head on. Unnatural for Gaz to just state that, rather have it implied. Not where I wanted Ghost's mentality to go.]

[Context: no idea. Probably after Ghost sent Soap to Limbo, and he gained an immunity to it.]

“We don’t have to be afraid, Simon. You can’t hurt me anymore.” Johnny whispers

[Reason to cut: don't remember.]

Tumblr is starting to lag, which means this post is huge lmao. Again, thank you to each and every one of you! The response to the fic was amazing, I never expected my little revenant AU to turn into something this big!

I loved the experience of writing Not Alive, Nor Dead. You can certainly expect more from me in the future!

For now, I have to focus on uni, and after that I have a few ideas for comics I wanna do. Might make a few oneshots in between, but no big projects like this one just yet!

[bibibbon]

lately i’ve seen some ppl talking abt how the scene where shiggy and compress cut off overhauls arms is pointless.

i 100% don’t think so because it shows that the lov have motivations outside of destruction and dismantling society.

(you could say that their personal motivations already show that but they all relate to destruction or dismantling society in one way or another.)

ppl say that it was just to get overhaul out of the way and yeah maybe it was but my point still stands.

they intercepted the convoy not to try and take overhaul or anything like that, but simply for revenge.

(yes ik they killed a pro hero but that was just a symptom of their goal, and im more specifically talking abt the taking of overhauls arms anyway.)

the need for justice or revenge is probably one of the most human things someone can experience.

the feeling of being wronged and no one doing anything about it so you feel the need to take things into your own hands. it’s something that everyone has or will probably experience at least once in their life.

compress takes overhauls left arm as revenge for taking his own. and shigaraki takes his right arm as revenge for killing magne.

the hero’s and basically anyone who’s not in the league don’t know how much they care about one another.

they’re a family, a very strange family, but a family nonetheless.

but no one understands that, they don’t understand why they go to such lengths to save each other. because they don’t think villains are capable of feelings other than hate and anger.

so that scene shows that they cared enough about someone to get revenge on her killer. that they didn’t just see her as a random co-worker. she was their big sis, she was their friend.

tl;dr the scene (probably unintentionally knowing isayama) very subtly show the lov’s humanity. it also makes me wanna cry and throw up aggressively.

anyway thanks for listening to my rant

I can't help but think that a reason as to why overhaul was taken out by the leauge was also to get him out of the plot so he wouldn't be too op but I do actually agree and see your point.

No I don't think that the scene was useless but I do actually have some problems with the build up to that scene.

Overhaul losing his arms is ironic especially after he made compress lose an arm. Compress and the league got revenge and like you fantastically worded revenge and anger are very human emotions. The problem I have is that there isn't much material we have on magne. Her death didn't evoke much on the readers and it wasn't a huge talking point within the league. I get the point that her death was supposed to serve but I just wish that we have more material of her before she died.

Magne's death is also supposed to be the first death we see on screen so it does end up being a bit underwhelming since we're still so distant from the character.

Sure there is like one scene that shows that the league were close with magne which is when toga and twice correct overhaul when he misgenders her but then again my point stands that we needed more material before and after her death to really drive the point home.

The overhaul arc is the first true dark arc of MHA. This is the first arc where shigaraki asserts his role as leader and the parallels between overhaul and shigaraki drive that clear. At the end shigaraki is presented to be the much more caring leader whereas overhaul would do anything for his goal shigaraki actually cares for his team.

Shigarakis actions do matter because by doing what he did he shows the leauge that he cares for them and that anyone that harms them would be punished. This helps shigaraki build trust with the league, trust that he maybe lost after the training camp arc and magne's death.

Ironically this scene manages to humanise the lov in more ways than one. Yes, the league of villains are humanised by their feelings of anger and wanting to get revenge for what happend to compress and magne but we as the audience are also aware of just how much of a bad person overhaul is. We as the audience are aware of what Eri had to go through and we're also aware of overhauls hypocrisy so we look at the scene in a way which the leauge are serving both revenge and justice and we also end up feeling satisfied and joyful when we see what the league does to overhaul rendering him completely useless.

[charles-leclerc-official]

hi!! New fan here, i was wondering, how do you know which stats and data to look for in terms of fairly comparing the performances of drivers? and just in general tips on race analysis :') like figuring out if they did the right strategy, the data you need to look for, anything else you find significant? thank you so much! i'd like to be more objective tbh bc the emotions are vv strong during a race and they tend to overpower my rational side.

Well there is a lot that can go into this. Some of it is very much a learned skill that you get better at over time.

General good rules of thumb for comparison and analysis:

1.The same car/teammates: comparing teammates is usually very helpful in understanding a car and also where the two drivers differ. Since they are in the same machinery we can see what some general characteristics are of a specific car. And then we can also see where there are differences that can be attributed to a driver specifically. Comparing teammates is always useful, and helpful in understanding a team overall because you know that team is constantly comparing their driver's performances.

2. Max(or whoever is the current #1): having Max as a benchmark of the current top driver is always helpful because he's obviously the one to beat. Also since he is so good he delivers amazing data on tracks. So if I want to see where the SF-24 or Charles need to improve comparing to Max is a good way to do it. It would not be as helpful to compare Charles to say Fernando, who while a great driver, the car he's in and his standing right now just isn't going to offer many valuable insights.

3. Race strategy: this is a very complicated topic, it is way more like chess than people realize. Seeing who starts where, the places they can likely gain from there, the timing that needs to happen to gain those places etc. Those are all factors. You really get a sense of it after you watch for a while. This is an extremely complex area that is a constantly evolving logic problem (which is why teams are so focused during races) This is the area where I have the fewest tips because it is really one of those things that just comes from experience and observation. One thing to do would be read interviews about what your team is saying about their strategy and the thinking that went into it. Spatial reasoning and logic are a big part of race strategy, and then once the lights go out those things get affected by time and random events (ex a driver DNFing) So race strategy is a combination of spatial logic and being able to do it dynamically as time progresses over a race. So thinking of it like chess that changes every lap is a good way to think about it.

4. Race specific battles: pay attention during races who is really battling (ex Lewis and Oscar in Jeddah, or Lando and Carlos in Suzuka or Lando and Charles in Melbourne) then you can look at the data for some insights into why the battle played out the way it did. Another example would be if you wanted to understand why Mclaren made Oscar and Lando switch in Australia, you can go look at the data and the answer it pretty clear. So these kinds of comparisons can give a lot of insight into why a team made certain strategy calls.

5. DRS: DRS is always something I look at when talking about speed, because while it's great for speed it's more of a luck right place at the right time thing, and so if I want to be fair in pace or speed comparisons I try to find laps where either both drivers got DRS or neither did (sometimes this isn't possible but it's a good factor to keep in mind)

6. Same tyres: comparing pace and speed on tyres it's important to keep the compound in mind. Comparing a fast lap one driver did on a medium tyre to one another driver did on hards isn't really in good faith. Now sometimes doing cross compound comparison can be useful, (ex a driver setting the same times on hards as another driver on mediums is interesting and worth digging into) But if you are wanting to do a direct comparison and want to eliminate this as a variable always compare on the same compound (sometimes this isn't possible so keep that in mind) Comparing across compounds is helpful too, but you should be very clear about why and the logic behind it.

7. Field placement: Comparing a midfield car to a top car isn't super helpful. Max isn't Logan's competition, other midfield drivers are Logan's competition. So it's important to look at who is actually competing with who. You could do a Logan to Max comparison but it likely wouldn't offer much insight into either drivers' strengths or weaknesses. Comparing Logan to Alex(his teammate) or Zhou(someone else in the midfield) is going to be way more useful.

8. Weather/Temperature: this can be a massive compounding factor for performance and should always be considered. Was it raining? Was it windy? Was there notable heat? How was that affecting drivers? etc

9. Mechanical issues: always note them and take them into account, this sounds like a no-brainer but not everyone does this and it leads to a lot of bad faith representations of a driver or a race.

10. Team Radio: if you want to understand what a driver and a team were thinking during the race and want answers for why things played out the way they did (good or bad) then team radio usually has a lot of answers. A good example of this would be listening to Charles' radios in Suzuka, you can listen to him talking about which strategy to go with and then the team figuring that out with him. Radios are very informative. I always listen to Charles', so if you have a driver/team you are focused on I highly recommend doing that.

11. Sometimes there is no way to do a fair comparison: this is something that is important to keep in mind(and again a lot of people forget this). For example in Bahrain when Charles had that massive brake temperature imbalance issue, no one else had it. So we cannot really compare his pace or performance to anyone and account for that. We can still compare his say fastest lap to Carlos' to see what he was able to do in less than optimal circumstances. But this is another very important thing to remember. Sometimes conditions do not allow for a totally fair comparison, and that is always worth noting. This is a very important fallacy to be aware of, and it's a trap a lot of people fall into, making it appear as though there is a fair comparison in a situation when there is not. So always keep this in mind. Sometimes the fact no fair comparison can be made is informative in itself.

A lot of analysis is also what I feel like just falls under plain old common sense and logical reasoning. Races are big logical puzzles, so just like with any logic based game it takes practice to get the hang of it. This just comes with watching races and paying attention to the details.

Also analysis doesn't get rid of the emotional reactions(at least not for me) I watch live and have all kinds of emotions. I just do that in private and wait to look at the data. And that is totally normal for the record. This is why I recommend re-watching a race for analysis for 2 reasons. 1. You will probably catch a lot of things you didn't notice the first time, and 2. You won't be as emotional and will probably be able to view what happened more objectively.

Hopefully this answers your question <3

[3416]

the thing is, i wouldn't be nearly as bothered about mitch not being on the top line if it wasn't being treated as some kind of proof that he's never been good enough to play there and that it hurts the team or drags auston down when he does. i don't care about domi ultimately, he's an effective player (when he's not taking boneheaded penalties) and obviously it helps to spread out our best guys to make each line that little bit harder to play against by forcing the other team to decide how to matchup. whatever. i don't agree with keefe's choices there but i get the intent.

what i do care about is one of the best players this franchise has ever seen being treated like some kind of anchor holding the team (and auston specifically) back from achieving greatness and using domi's success with auston (BECAUSE of auston tyvm) to paint him as some selfish jealous (genuinely wtf @ this fanfiction in particular coming from an actual media guy) brat pouting over being ~demoted~ when he's never not done what has been asked of him (which is literally fucking everything) and has always been fully on board any time he's been paired with johnny!! or anyone else!! like these are all mitch's guys!!! he loves them and this team /so much/!!!! like i genuinely can't imagine the list of things he loves more than being a leaf is very long

i'm just so tired of so many (non-tumblr) fanspaces being dominated by people who have made an entire personality out of treating him like one of the worst things that's ever happened to the leafs (and, again, auston specifically) because idk they hate his dumb dad (welcome to the club weirdos!!!) and/or can't "forgive" him for his contract. even the critique of him in the playoffs is overblown in comparison to the rest of the team and the goalposts for what it means to be a ~playoff performer~ always seem to find a way to shift as needed to single him out as some kind of unique failure among the group which.. rme for all time

anyway sorry for venting lmao it's just such a bummer but WHATEVER here's to mitchell daniel marner having the best damn playoffs of his damn life!!!!!!!! go leafs go

ohhh anon. so many things i can (and will) say here, but you and i are totally on the same wavelength, lol. that's what has made this stretch so much worse imo... auston on a hot streak with two mid guys and workable chemistry (for now) all around, and we try spreading out the "offense" but actually... for the leafs... i think spreading the offense is less what we're doing w 1634 and more... shifting defensive responsibility off of our 'top' line and giving them easier matchups by putting the tougher ones with the mcmann-jt-marner line bc mitch is there now to take on some more defensive responsibility that isn't doable by players like willy/whoever else plays rw there. (which annoys me in it's own way bc it makes the 'top' line look more impressive stat wise while not even dealing with the most dangerous 'top' line on the other team, lol but.. it's still gonna require auston to be On Top of it all the time bc he's by himself defensively.. only reason it annoys me is the discourse afterward too like anyway). mitch and auston are our best all around players by quite a bit, lol, so i get WHY splitting them up works well too, but when people get mad that they're together so much... when they've proven to work better and be more dangerous year after year as a duo... i mean, peoples anger should be at the rest of the lineup that sometimes doesn't pull their own weight in that regard, lol. i get the experiment we're running rn. i'm not confident it will work, but we will see. i don't care if it does or doesn't... doesn't change the fact that ultimately, i know they want to play together the most and that hasn't changed bc of some randos that came in this year so. i genuinely think auston requests to play with mitch often after not being allowed to for a couple years, and this year he's sucking it up for the playoffs and trying something different for the sake of the team.

as for the way a lot of people treat mitch as expendable... it's so frustrating to me too... just the double standards abt him vs anyone else are insane. even tonight, seeing people lose their fucking minds over max reposting a fan's hype video without credit and assuming he made it (?? lol) and drooling all over themselves about how he "has the passion", but like... mitch had a video made last year and people were telling him to get off social media and perform better in the playoffs in the exact same spaces like. if he even comes on social media near the playoffs, it's always just hateful. honestly.... so many leaf fans don't deserve him and don't deserve to see a cup in their entire lifetimes either, lol. it makes my relationship with this team so much more complicated to have such a hate for the fanbase like that. like . this year, i just care so much less about the team as a whole too. i'm less connected to the overall results, lmao. i love the leafs and want my guys specifically to be able to win the cup in their lifetime more than anything, but i realllyyy don't care about some of these ppl on our team and i hate how the worst fans in this fanbase feel so vindicated over the dumbest ugliest shit. like i'd give anything to not have to see braindead opinions for a single day. as much as i'm rooting for them, if this isn't the year... well. we move, lol. i wouldn't die! (which is exactly why they'll prob do it this year lol) i'll feel competitive while watching the playoffs, esp vs the bruins, but like... whatever happens happens man. my men will be coming back and i hope some other ones won't, regardless of playoff results. sometimes it's even less about the player himself and more about the idiots attached.

all i literally care about this year is mitch's performance since we're going into a contract year for him. nothing he could possibly do would get people off his back but that, and somehow his points never seem to matter in the playoffs bc they're in games we're already winning ?? but yeah. the willy is our best playoff performer narrative makes me fucking laugh man........ like people will lower their standards and move their goalposts and do ANYTHING to make it seem like mitch is cancerous and the reason we keep losing and everyone else steps up when he doesn't and it's just a fucking lie. morgan is the only one with visible elevation in the playoffs imo, and . idk. maybe the way the team's structured rn and shifting players to different lines will work. maybe it won't. we won a round not doing it last year, so it's not like that's THE make or break thing and we haven't even seen this lineup play a single meaningful game in the last month fnlkdsjf or a singular playoff game so. it's all a LOT of big talk. at the end of the day.. if the leafs ever make it to the cup.. itll be 1634 passing it to each other and their names next to each other and that's all i want for them, honestly. leafs duo of all time regardless of the dumbasses the 23-24 season has emboldened.