#au of leap of faith... which is an au

[erinwantstowrite]

so catwoman au has stray!tim now in case no one knew that

[edorazzi]

Page 57 of my Miraculous Mentor AU comic A Matter of Trust! In which Ladybug faces her own leap of faith... and Richard might just have proven himself worthy! 🐞🦋

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[vinelark]

Hi! I love you, your blog (wifeposting supremacy) and your writing and I hope you are doing well. I was rereading bbts, as one does, and I was wondering if you'd read fics where Tim also calls for Kon the way one would Supes? I don't know if it's a proper trope or not but I need to see it more... anyway, no worries if not and sending lots of love :)

thank you! wifeposting supremacy indeed! i’ve been slacking on my posting this month because fifteen thousand different things have been going on, but at least some of those have been good wife things. earlier today i noticed she added my last name to one of her social media accounts and i had to just collapse into the pile of clean laundry i was folding and stare at the ceiling being gay about that for like ten minutes. yes we’ve been married over a year yes i was still like “omg that’s my wife.”

and re: fics where tim calls for kon: yes for sure! i also adore it, to no surprise. i know there are way more than i have listed here, but these are ones i thought of off the top of my head:

Orientation by @smilebackwards, which is probably one of the first iterations of this trope that i read, and the moment tim shouts for kon never fails to delight me every time i reread it.

Wing Beats in Reverse by firefright, a reverse robins au with (excellent) jason pov, so timkon are technically background—but they’re still absolutely gut-wrenching, especially when the fic employs this specific trope.

speaking of reverse robins, i always love to rec Detours by miyaji_08, which has both identity shenanigans and tim (quietly) calling for kon in the middle of a Real Tense Situation.

Sore Loser by @hayleyhearts is (as always with this author) sharp and funny and a bit angsty and def has Tim calling Kon for a rescue, with a little twist that matches the rest of the story.

and i for sure have to include leap of faith by @funkylittlebidiot, which 1) is a fun and fast-paced oneshot centered around tim calling for kon, and 2) is the reason bbts has “(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)” which is such an honor to have on my fic.

and a bonus one where tim can’t call for help, but it’s okay because kon shows up anyway: midnight sun by @mamawasatesttube, which has both brilliant + kickass ttk usage and also tim saying “eep!”

[valardohaeriss]

Can you do a modern Cregan x reader. In which the reader is the pediatrician for his kid (cregan single dad) and he tries to get her to go out with him but she is not sure if she wants to go in a relationship with a man that has kids already thinking it was going to be a messing relationship with the mother. But she falls for him and is not until she finds out the mom is out of the picture that she allows her self to be with him ? Something along those lines

Hello! For sure, let’s try it.

Pairing: modern Cregan au! x reader

Warnings: mentions of death in Childbirth

____________

“Cmon, bud” Cregan says to Rickon as he carries him out of the car and into the pediatric office. Rickon was sick as a dog and it’s gone on for far too long. After waiting about 15 minutes, they finally called Rickon back to your office. Sitting with Rickon on the office bed, Cregan looked up at you when you walked in. Wow. I mean, he was truly lost for words.

“Hi! I’m Dr. (y/l/n). I understand we have a sick pup on our hands yeah?” You ask as you feel Rickons head. Rickon responded with a nasty cough and you nodded your head. “Sounds like he has a little bit of that Winter crud. Can I take a listen, buddy?” You ask as you put the Stethoscope to his back. Yeah, he definitely caught a flu of sorts.

Cregan was speechless the entire time looking at you. Such beauty, and brains. “How long has he had this cough?” You ask him, snapping him out of his trance. Cregan stands, showing his full height and stature. He can’t help but slightly blush when you look at him. God he was helpless at the helm of your beauty. He felt like a child himself. “He’s been coughing for about a week. We’ve tried over the counter and nothing seems to be helping.” He admits

You smile back at his sheepishness and look back at Rickon. “Alright, buddy, I’m gonna write you up some medicine and you have to take it every day okay? Then you and dad can come see me in about two weeks and tell me how you feel, sound good?” You ask Rickon and hand him a wolf sticker.

Rickon smiles and sticks it on the front of his hand and proudly shows his dad. Cregan smiles with such joy at his son and then back at you. “Thank you Dr-“ and you cut him off with your first name. He smiles and corrects himself. “Yeah thanks, Dr. y/n” Rickon repeats.

-

Two weeks roll by and it’s time for Rickon’s check up. Cregan had the bright idea to bring a small vase of flowers the time. Waiting in the room, Cregan bounces his leg and waits impatiently. You come in and Rickon smile and hands you the flowers. “Oh what is this for?” You smile and scruff his hair a little. “Daddy brought him for you. He thinks you’re pretty.”

Cregan felt himself hide inside, scared of the embarrassment. You chuckle and accept the flowers, setting them on the counter. “Thank you, buddy. How do you feel after the medicine?”

“It was disgusting.” He was honest. Just like his father. It wasn’t every day that you were hit on by your patient’s dad. But Cregan was a very handsome man. However, Rickon was your patient, and you didn’t know the family dynamic either. It was a lot.

“Well I say that you’re looking better and everything worked. I’m glad to see you better, buddy” you smiled at him. Before you could get up and go, Cregan stood next to you and handed you a sticky note with his number on it. “I was wondering if maybe, I could take you to dinner this weekend? Saturday?” He offered.

It was a leap of faith, but if he didn’t jump then, he wouldn’t have at all. Looking at him and then back at Rickon you sigh. “I’d love to, but I’m the doctor and-“ Cregan quickly chimed in with alternative options like finding another doctor. You look back at Rickon, Cregan’s little wingman, with a big smile and two thumbs up.

“I’ll text you.” You smile at him one last time and leave the room.

—-

Saturday was here and Cregan was so excited you accepted his date. “He goes to bed at 8” he tells his sister Sarah and kisses Rickon on the head before heading over to you.

He stood at your door with flowers in his hand. He was such a gift giver. You smile at him and put them in a vase before heading walks you to the car arm in arm.

The place he brought you was very much out of his element, but he wanted to surprise you, woo you, impress you. You could tell he was nervous. You were too. It was eating you alive and you couldn’t help but to blurt out at the question that are you alive. “Is his mother okay with this? I just don’t want to rock the boat and ruin any relationships.”

Cregan put his fork and knife down and wiped his face. The question of it still hurt to this day, no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. “His mom died in childbirth. We try to tell him stories of her and show him pictures, but yeah.” He trails off. You felt bad for even asking. You instinctively respond by grabbing his hand to tell him you’re sorry and you’ll be there for him.

“I’m sorry. Maybe we shouldn’t-“ he started. You got up and stopped him from walking off. You hugged him tight. It took him a second, but he hugged you back. “Let’s go somewhere more lax than this. It’s a beautiful gesture, but I want real.” You smile. He puts enough to cover the bill down on the table and walks out with you arm in arm.

You didn’t expect this to be the way you met anybody for you. But you weren’t complaining either. This was just the first step towards something new.

——

Hope this was good enough!

[burntheedges]

Summer Stuff-My-Inbox Fic Rec List (Part 2)

I can't believe it's already September? What the hell, honestly. Thank you all for sending me your fics again!

Remember to check out Part 1, too.

The list has 57 more Pedro-character fics posted since June 1, organized by character and then alphabetically by author. Mind all tags and warnings! I've noted word count (we've got a range!), whether it's part of a series, and pairings. Let's get reading and reblogging!

Characters in this rec list: Dave York, Dieter Bravo, Din Djarin, Ezra (Prospect), Frankie Morales, Javier Gutierrez, Javier Peña, Joel Miller, Marcus Acacius, Marcus Moreno, Marcus Pike, Pero Tovar, Tim Rockford

...

Dave York

melt by @sizzlingcloudmentality | 960 words | Dave x f!reader summary: wine drunk and with fresh croissants from the bakery you're having French breakfast and sex with Dave. | Daphne mentioned being proud of this one particulary because of the smut!! 😏

Dieter Bravo

Eros & Psyche by @schnarfer | ~16k, complete | Dieter x f!reader summary: Dieter is a modern day Greek God Eros. We’re going full existential dread rom-com, actually. | I can't wait to read this!

Golden Girl by @whocaresstillthelouvre | 2.9k | Dieter x f!reader summary: What happens when you discover your husband has been cheating on you? You call his best friend to help comfort you.

Starlet by whocaresstillthelouvre | 3.7k | Dieter x f!reader summary: Your husband has a big movie premiere, sure he looks great, but his co-star looks even better.

Din Djarin

Fifteen Weeks by whocaresstillthelouvre | 5k | Din x f!reader summary: It's been fifteen weeks since Din Djarin first entered your life, now you can't imagine it without him. You take a leap of faith in your relationship and visit him at his farm. | this is part 2! Don't miss part 1!

Oath Broken and Soul Bound by @whxtedreams | 1.8k, wip | Din x OFC Witch hunter!Din x OFC!Witch, from Flora: It's a Witch AU, fantasy and forbidden love. It's very new, only one chapter out but I have very big plans. I have pretty much the entire fic mapped out. It also has Ezra, Frankie and Joel as characters. You can learn more about their characters here in the character study i did for them. This is my passion project, I have so much love for them and I can’t wait to share my story in more detail!

Touchstone by @sawymredfox | 2.6k | Din x f!reader summary: Things are not always what they seem. They have a meaning. They have a reason behind them, private and cherished.

Ezra (Prospect)

There are Other Fish in the Sea by @beefrobeefcal | 4 parts | Frankie x f!reader, Ezra x f!reader summary: an alternate ending (and continuation) of another of Beefro's fics, where Frankie messes up and Ezra comes along.

Joel x Ezra

who knows where the time goes by @sixhours | 11k | Joel x Ezra (Prospect) summary: It's New Year's 2027 and the dads are going through it. An i know you by heart one-shot.

Frankie Morales

Like the Rain by @jennaispunk | 2.9k | Frankie x f!reader summary: Frankie has something to say….will you listen? | Jenna said this one is her first Frankie fic!! and a challenge because it has more spice, which is fun!

There are Other Fish in the Sea by @beefrobeefcal | 4 parts | Frankie x f!reader, Ezra x f!reader summary: an alternate ending (and continuation) of another of Beefro's fics, where Frankie messes up and Ezra comes along.

Tide by whocaresstillthelouvre | 1.2k | Frankie x f!reader summary: Frankie Morales is capable of almost anything… except not cumming in his jeans when he thinks about you, the pretty clerk at the grocery store he always buys his giant jugs of laundry detergent at.

Javier Gutierrez

KEPT by @beefrobeefcal | 5.3k | Javi x f!reader summary: You might just have bitten off more than you can chew by possibly becoming Javi G's sugar baby.

Rhapsody in Blue by @maggiemayhemnj | 5.5k | Javi x f!reader summary: Javi G takes you to the Oscars. Takes you to the Vanity Fair party. Takes you back to the Chateau Marmont. Then just takes you. | Maggie said this one took her out of her comfort zone, and she ahd fun delving into more spice!

Javier Peña

An End to Drought by @almostfoxglove | 5.4k | Javi x f!reader summary: The future of your family's homestead hangs in the balance as Javier Peña comes home in the middle of a drought.

Dispose of Me by whocaresstillthelouvre | 1.8k | Javi x f!reader summary: Javier Peña needs you… and you're moving away in two weeks.

Dusk by @the-orange-tabby-cat | 8.7k | Javi x f!reader summary: Javier sees you again years after the end of your love affair. Torn between the memories of what happened then and what is now, you both face the weight of your actions from Bogotá to Madrid.

Hold my hand by @milla-frenchy | 4.1k | Javi x f!reader summary: a stranger saves your life. Or your and Javi’s love story.

I'll Carry You by almostfoxglove | 2 of 3 parts, 13.6k | Javi x f!reader summary: You reunite with your childhood best friend when he arrives home from Colombia. Javier's sudden return to your life exhumes buried heartbreak, but he longs to set things right.

Scathed by @dancingtotuyo | 41k, wip | Javi x OFC summary: Javier and Emily experienced the drug war on different fronts in very different ways. Maybe, they’re what the other needs to heal.

Joel Miller

Joel & Ellie, no pairing

happy birthday, baby girl by sixhours | wip | Joel and Ellie summary: Ellie has never had a birthday. Joel can fix that.

Joel x Ezra

who knows where the time goes by sixhours | 11k | Joel x Ezra (Prospect) summary: It's New Year's 2027 and the dads are going through it. An i know you by heart one-shot.

x reader or x OFC

A summer with the Millers by @milla-frenchy | 4.2k, wip | Joel x f!reader x Tommy summary: you come back to your father's house for summer vacation and want to get closer to your crush and dad's best friend, Tommy Miller. His brother Joel is gonna help you to reach your goal.

Always in my Heart by @mermaidgirl30 | 1.2k | Joel x f!reader

summary: Losing a pet is never easy, but you’re not alone because Joel is right there with you, keeping you afloat.

BDSMaid by @mountainsandmayhem | wip | Joel x f!reader summary: After recently graduating from university, your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. It’s only temporary and a good way to save money for when you go back to get your law degree. That’s what you’re promised at least. Easy. Simple. Mundane. That is, until one of your clients is home and everything that you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love.

Cover Me Up by almostfoxglove | 97.7k, finished | Joel x f!reader summary: After you spare the lives of two kids who break into your isolated cabin in the woods, they lead you back to their settlement. You intend to get in, trade for valuable supplies, and get out, but end up staying. Four years later, you're a solitary but respected pillar of Jackson's close-knit community when Joel Miller shows up, kid in tow. You think nothing of him or the kid. You like your quiet life. Too bad it won't stay quiet for long. Or: Joel and Ellie make you human again. | Freya's first series!

Dark Shades of Innocence Lost by mermaidgirl30 | finished | Joel x f!reader summary: After your friends drag you out to Club Inferno on a Friday night, you meet an unexpected man with dark brown eyes. That man is Joel Miller, who turns out to be the owner of the club. The menace that will turn your life upside down. After not dating for a couple of years, Joel finds out and strikes up a proposition for you. Keep coming back and he’ll make sure you experience pleasure like you’ve never felt before.

Fragile State by @galway-girlatwork | 2.5k | Joel x OFC Tara summary: The aftermath of a traumatic car accident leaves a family struggling with fear and uncertainty. The emotional toll weighing them all down as they try to find some normalcy which they all know is impossible until he wakes up. Vulnerability and desperate needs for the man who is the center of their lives to remember who they are and the life he had with them. | the author mentioned this way of writing a story was new, which is very fun!

Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites | ch 16, 110k so far | Joel x f!reader summary: When your life falls apart, you find yourself back in your hometown of Austin, Texas for the first time in more than a decade. Eager to make your own way after a rough divorce, you reconnect with your high school best friend Joel Miller - a man you never thought would be in your life again. Things have changed since your falling out just before you left for college but friendship with Joel comes easy. His life isn't in any better shape than your own and the two of you make a vow to get your acts together - personal, professional and romantic - in the span of a year. But will your burgeoning connection make it so you can figure everything out or will your history together get in the way?

Her by milla-frenchy | 3.2k | Joel x f!reader summary: after Joel confides one of his fantasies to you one day, you make it come true. | her first kinda sub!Joel with Joel realizing a fantasy. 😏

In Need of a Top Up by @tateypots | 1.5k | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel likes calling you his wife and you like hearing it.

In pain and heartache. In comfort and love. by whxtedreams | 2.5k | Joel x f!reader summary: They were so desperate to hold each other after tasting life without one another.

It Tastes of Magic by sawymredfox | 12k | Joel x f!reader summary: Your grandmother always told you the same thing. Have always salt in handy to spill over your left shoulder. Knock on wood to keep away the bad luck. Don't forget that mint likes to have her space to grow. Actions always speak louder than words. And love as much as you can, because even when it hurts, it makes you stronger. Will she still be right?

Lock the Gate by almostfoxglove | 23k+, wip | Joel x f!reader summary: You're less than enthusiastic when your uncle's partner Frank invites two strangers from the Boston QZ to your compound to trade. Joel Miller proves just as callous as you and brutishly stubborn—but after a cutting first impression, a bloody inconvenience, and a long walk through infested woods, you're not sure if the fire you carry for him is actually hate.

Push it by milla-frenchy | 3.4k | Joel x f!reader summary: you have a secret “relationship” with Joel, your dad's best friend. You know you can't have more, but you can’t resist the idea to provoke him a little.

See How She Rides by @arcanefox207 | 4.4k | Joel x f!reader summary: BoatMechanic!Joel Miller is just doing his job when you show up unannounced to soak up some summer sun. | Ally said she had a lot of fun writing this one and I think we're going to have a lot of fun reading it!!

spin me around by @ace-turned-confused | 2.4k | Joel x f!reader summary: you find a vintage record store full of rare finds, the man behind the counter the rarest of them all. | for the Secret Springs challenge!

Stranger in a Bar by justagalwhowrites | 17.3k | part 2, finished | Joel x f!reader summary: You meet a stranger in a bar, one who is fun and sexy and makes you wonder if the single life is all it's cracked up to be. But there's one big problem: you probably shouldn't be fucking your dad's best friend.

Teach Me How to Play Coach Miller by whocaresstillthelouvre | 3.2k | Joel x f!reader summary: You're home alone, relishing a lazy day when your hot neighbor knocks on your door. Seems his TV is out and he really wants to watch the Rangers game. You know nothing about baseball… maybe he can teach you a thing or two?

Tear You Apart by mermaidgirl30 | wip | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel comes for you late at night. He always does. Always stalks, chases, and prowls after you like a starving wolf. And when he catches you, he devours you, feeds on you like the animal he is. Will you run and hide or will you give into the temptation that calls you into the forest?

Tenacity by whocaresstillthelouvre | 2.3k | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel Miller will never allow himself to take what he wants and you know that. How can a broken shower make him realize it's too late and he's already fallen for you? (Or Joel fucks you on his beat up couch in the QZ.)

The Fallen Warrior by @bluestar22x | 6.7k, wip | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel Miller, once the great archangel named Jaoel, fell from grace many centuries ago. After his brethren take everything from him, he immerses himself in human culture. Careful not to get too close to anyone new, everything changes when Joel finds a nephal (nephilim plural) living on the streets in Austin - the first since his fall. A trusted co-worker (reader) ends up adopting her. But just as the street kid, Ellie Williams, is settling into her new home Heaven’s angels come to town searching for her. They have a plan to use her blood in their battle against Hell, then dispose of her after. Joel can’t allow that. He won’t.

The green flannel shirt by milla-frenchy | 817 words | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel comes back home from work and finds you asleep wearing his shirt.

The Savage and the Sanctuary by justagalwhowrites | 8.3k, wip | Joel x f!reader summary: After the death of his daughter, Joel Miller fell apart. But when searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle and within his own rage doesn't fix it, he resigns himself to working for his brother in private security. It's a job that starts him down the path to stability and a semblance of a life, even if it's not one he particularly wants. At least it does until you show up. The biggest movie star in the world with your newly adopted niece in tow, you throw everything about Joel's life into flux. Is he capable of letting himself feel something again while protecting the only things left in the world that matter?

untitled by @idioticcatss | ~1.5k | Joel x reader sophie mentioned being proud of getting out of a writing slump with this fluffy, smutty fic! some tags: love marks, age gap, pet names, smut

Wings of the Dawn by the-orange-tabby-cat | 49k, wip | Joel x f!reader summary: You are Jackson’s librarian, a doll with good heart, that has your life changed when a handsome man and his kid decides to start again in your small town. Having a hard time ignoring Joel’s dark brown eyes, you found yourself wishing to have him closer as you both navigate through love triangles, teenage drama, city gossip and ghosts from both your pasts.

Woman by dancingtotuyo | 74.6k, finished! | Joel x f!reader summary: Joel Miller returns to Jackson bringing back memories and feelings from 20 years ago, but you refuse fall into the universe’s trap again. Your table is at capacity. Adding another chair will only kill you when they get taken away. | also Em just starting posting a no-outbreak AU of this fic!!

Yearling by justagalwhowrites | 306k, finished! | Joel x f!reader summary: After years of surviving in the wilds of Wyoming after the cordyceps outbreak, you find yourself in Jackson. It's a town filled with friendly faces and the kind of world you hardly remember, let alone can connect with or understand. But one man - Joel Miller, another loner, like you - makes you think that trying to find your place in society again might be worth it.

Yearling No-Outbreak AU by justagalwhowrites | 4.1k, wip | Joel x f!reader summary: When Ellie sees you riding at a rodeo, she knows you have to teach her. A no-outbreak AU of Yearling, where you and Joel find each other in every timeline. Can be read independently as a no-outbreak AU fic.

Marcus Acacius

Legionary by whocaresstillthelouvre | 3.4k | Marcus x Lucius x f!reader summary: Marcus returns to his hometown while traveling with his young soldier who's eager to learn from him. Good thing he knows your domus is always open to him.

mould me for ruin by ace-turned-confused | 4.6k | Marcus x f!reader summary: after years of watching general acacius, you long to wield a sword of your own — an opportunity arises for your dreams to come true, in more ways than one.

proud to be yours by ace-turned-confused | 2.7k | Marcus x f!reader summary: it's the first time you've seen acacius since he took your virginity, and he has plans for a different kind of training.

Marcus Moreno

(Some) Bodies by galway-girlatwork | 3.1k | Marcus x OFC Priestly summary: In the shadows of the ancient city, a dark romance blossoms between a healer and a sinner. It is a connection of light and dark, life and death. Can he accept her past? Can she believe there is redemption for what she’s done? Can carefully guarded secrets stay that way?

Marcus Pike

Code name: Hephaestus by @604to647 | 3.2k | Marcus x f!reader summary: Marcus requests a change to his FBI Agent code name. | Emily wrote this for Kel's Pedro Pantheon challenge and really challenged herself!! I'm excited to read. 🧡

next year by me! | 18.3k | Marcus x gn!reader summary: You expected your vacation to go like it always did -- a week of reading, relaxing, and so much alone time you'd be almost happy to see your coworkers when you got back. You'd spend time on the beach and walk around town and generally do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, just like you did every year. But when you locked eyes from across the sand with the handsome man renting the house next door, something told you this year would be different.

Pero Tovar

Maple by @sawymredfox | 2k | Pero x f!reader summary: A fox, a rifle, and two strangers in a forest. What could go wrong?

Tim Rockford

The detective by @milla-frenchy | 2.6k | Tim x f!reader summary: being a suspect in a theft case, you get interrogated by a handsome and dominant personal investigator.

...

happy reading and reblogging! 🧡

[killerlookz]

i hope this doesn’t put any pressure on you because its not meant to at all but can u give us a preview of anything in your drafts 🥲

yes! absolutely i can <3 here's an extra long preview bc i haven't published anything in a hot min:

preview of the heartbeat!au "honeymoon phase" fic:

warnings: rpf below, do not proceed if you dont fw that but this is in rpf tags so why were you even here to begin with

The light of your phone sears into your eyes, a start contrast from the dark of your bedroom. By now your circadian rhythm undoubtedly in deep disarray. However bad you knew staying up way into the early hours of the morning was, you couldn't seem to rip yourself from the distraction of the blue light, perfectly coded algorithms keeping your anxieties at bay.

For the last week of your life your usual peaceful sleep had been ripped through by horrific nightmares, leading you to prefer to just skip sleeping all together. Of course, you knew that wasn't exactly possible, but maybe if you could just avoid falling asleep until the sun came up you could finally be freed of those dreaded night terrors.

The mattress dips beside you, a groan falling from Joost's lips, peacefully asleep next to you. It had been hours since you had said goodnight to each other, since he kissed you with the promise that you two would soon would be deep in slumber. You hadn't bothered to tell him about your nightmare issue, it had felt so childish. You had only been together for a few months now, your relationship seeming far too fresh to deal out what you had deemed "embarrassing" information. Besides, what was he to do about that? It wasn't like he had the power to change the workings of your subconscious mind.

The comforter slips from Joost's shoulders as he shuffles in his sleep, rolling from one side to another, now facing you. You finally pull yourself from your endless scrolling, turning your head to get a look at Joost. He's illuminated just right by the sliver moonlight that peaks through your curtains. The corners of your mouth peak in a slight smile, a rush a warmth running through you as your eyes finally settle on him.

You couldn't believe your luck with him, desperate for friends outside of your classmates after making the leap of faith to transfer schools and move to a different country for your final year of university. You'd been working as a waitress in Amsterdam, which, all things considered wasn't an ideal position for you, given your less than stellar Dutch, but locals were usually sympathetic to your situation, and tourists hardly spoke Dutch anyway. The day you had met Joost had started as what you had postulated to be the worst shift of your life. Hungover during a rush that seemed to last for hours, constantly seated with the most impossible to please customers. Once you were out of the weeds you had been seated with what you were promised to be your last table of the night, trying your best to suppress a groan and an eye roll as you walked up to the table, your eyes immediately falling to Joost, who had been there with what you would eventually learn were his closest friends.

You had thought you known the type, unruly hair, and scattered tattoos, dressed head-to-toe in Supreme, a cocky smile pressed to his lips. Attractive no doubt, but a type. The type that was undoubtably too interested in the Soundcloud rap scene, probably attempting to make it in that space too as a cheap rip-off of Lil Peep. The type to blow all his money on what streams his mediocre raps did get on box-logo shirts and supreme branded underwear. You could already hear the surface-level introspection of his lyrics, writing about how sad and heartbroken he'd been left by all the girls in his life when in reality he was nothing more than a fuckboy with a shitty nail polish job.

Being young and living in a city you had seen the type before, served the type more than a handful of times since you had started your job. They were always the same, traveled in large groups, like that was their "entourage", usually loud, demanding, and obnoxious, thinking their 2,000 Soundcloud streams, hundred dollar T-shirts and knock-off designer shoes made them a celebrity. They'd flirt with you and act aghast when you dared not to flirt back with them.

You had thought you known the type. But when you had gone up to begin helping his table, your previous perceptions had immediately been shattered- immediately becoming even more attractive upon your realization that he wasn't the worst. There was a quiet flirting underneath his goofy- yet reserved demeanor, the type of flirting you didn't mind and eventually reciprocated when he'd become a regular.

It was apparent that you had gotten the fuckboy thing all wrong. When he had finally got the courage to ask you out he hadn't even seen particularly in a hurry to sleep with you, though that wouldn't stop you from giving it up that night.

As Joost softly snores from beside you, you can't help but want nothing more than to be fitted snuggly between his arms, head pressed to his chest- listening to his heartbeat as you fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. But your current aversion to sleeping aside, you can't bring yourself to potentially wake him to do so.

You take your eyes from him, focusing back on the harsh light that burns into your retinas, continuing your scrolling, barely distracted by another long groan leaving Joost's lips.

"Ga slapen," (go to sleep) His voice surprises you, slow and thick with sleep- you hadn't expected him to be awake.

"Hmm?" You hum, pretending to not have heard him, you set your phone down on the bedside table and focus your attention to Joost.

"Hoe lat is het?" (What time is it?) He yawns, struggling to open his eyes.

You don't want to answer, knowing he'll question you on why you're up so late.

"Go back to sleep," You coo, hoping he'll be tired enough to listen without any resistance. You reach out a hand, slowly carding your fingers through his hair. You lift some pieces that had gotten stuck to his forehead with sweat, Joost was the type to overheat in his sleep, furiously kicking the blankets off of the two of you in the middle of the night, or perhaps worse rolling over onto you while he slept, causing you to suffocate in his humid body heat.

"Nhn, nhn." He tuts, his eyes finally opening entirely, "Je kan niet zomaar (You can't just)- Nhn, You can't just rub my head back to sleep." English finally coming back to him as he sits himself up against the pillows, his head now at your shoulder height in your upright position.

"I tried," A small smile pokes at your lips.

"Why are you awake?" His questioning isn't interrogative, still clearly very sleepy as he nuzzles his head into the pillow, "What time is it?" He asks again.

"I don't know," You mumble, your voice dipping out, answering more-so the latter question.

"You can't lie to me," Joost presses his forehead to your arm, snuggling in to you. How true that was. It surprised you how fast he was able to learn you- the subtleties of your mannerisms, able to pick up on your true emotions from the smallest tells.

"It's late," You simply respond, "I'll go to bed soon." Trying to avoid any further questioning.

"Not soon," Joost whines, his voice stifled by where his lips touch your skin. He throws an arm around the front of you, "Now."

You can't do much besides sigh in response, fidgeting under the comforter to sink down to his level. Your face is right in front of Joost's now, the warmth of his slow breaths ghosting over your skin.

"Sleep now," Joost tightens the arm he had slung around you, using it to pull you closer to him. He's unbearably warm, but you melt into him anyway, turning on your side to press your chest into his.

"I can't."

"Not tired?" Joost asks, "Why not?"

"So tired."

"Then sleep." Joost puckers his lips, barely stretching out his head to press a kiss to your forehead. It's so simple to him just sleep, if only it was that easy for you.

"Can't Joost."

"Why not?" He asks again, pushing harder this time.

"Dunno," You hum, pausing for a moment trying to formulate the least embarrassing way to describe your situation, "Bad dreams I guess, I dunno." You speak quickly, hoping maybe he won't catch all of it, the processes of his brain slowed by sleep.

Joost suddenly becomes more aware, more awake, like you've said some sort of sleeper phrase to activate something in him.

"Could have just told me that, schatje." He coos, it's reassuring, and you suddenly feel so stupid for holding that in. "Could have told me that before I feel asleep without you."

"Seemed stupid." You sigh, pushing your face further into the pillow.

"Not stupid." Joost assures, "What are they about?"

"Don't know. Just- bad."

"I'm sorry." Joost frowns. You feel the arm that he holds around you sneak under the comforter, coming to snake around your torso, his hand pushing into your back to press your body closer to him. The front of your T-shirt no longer just grazing the bare skin of his chest, but rather the two of you have molded into each other. "What can I do?" His lips now pressed against your shoulder from this closer position.

"Nothing,"

"No?" He places a small kiss to your shoulder through the fabric of your shirt.

"Not unless you can go into my brain and control my subconscious and make me dream of like puppies and rainbows." You follow with a dry laughter, any real humor stifled by your exhaustion.

"Mmm, if I could I would liefje."

[btsmosphere]

Supercharged | JJK

Chapter 10: Is This Not Control?

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🗲summary: It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won't be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens? 🗲this chapter: You're forced to come to terms with the danger – and the beauty – in the way your powers burn.

🗲pairing: jungkook x female reader 🗲word count: 4.7k 🗲genre: angst, action, eventual fluff, enemies to lovers, slow burn, superheroes/villains au, found family 🗲rating: pg15 🗲warnings: violence with superpowers, swearing, near-injury, arguing, skipping a meal, nightmares containing death (this is brief)

a/n: THIS is the chapter that made me keep going with this fic. I read it back after a looong break, and realised I wanted to finish after reading some of this where our main pair are so.... close... to revealing something. especially Jungkook... what is going through his head?

“You’re getting too good at this!”

The shriek came from Hobi, currently several metres in the air.

Laughing, you let him come down to you, where he landed with ease befitting a villain. You really ought to work on that yourself – which was precisely why you were here. He had asked you to train with him, bringing you the chance to work on something more athletic, and him to add even more danger into his death-defying stunts.

Smirking, you flipped your hair.

“Maybe next time I’ll really try, then you’ll have another think coming,” you goaded.

Grin wide, he scoffed.

“You really are as bad as Kook. He was always insufferable when we did this too!”

“You’ve trained like this with Jungkook?” you asked, “in that case, I don’t know why I’ve been going so easy on you.”

That joyous laugh of his filled the training space, already raring to go again.

“Let’s see what you got then!”

Just like that, he took off, eyes igniting yellow before he was springing from the floor and kicking off a higher block to rejoin the array of obstacles.

“Can’t fly, my ass,” you muttered, turning to take the long way up.

Even if Hobi claimed his power to be purely athletic, you still couldn’t fathom the way he navigated the skies with such ease unless some sort of gravity fuckery was involved. With a leap, you pulled yourself onto a platform, finding him already streaking ahead.

Beginning to run, you aimed your first shot at the same time as you launched over the next gap.

Blue cut through the air, Hobi’s laughter ringing out as it hit the floor he had just been standing on. By now, he was swinging away on suspended ropes.

Spyng another opening, you fired a longer bolt this time, forming a glowing barrier in the air. Kicking his legs up, Hope managed to swing and arc over it. Impressed, you cut off the attack, heart only stopping for a second as he landed hard against a ladder protruding from the wall. Though you had full faith in his abilities, it never got less jarring to see what he could pull off.

The two of you continued like that, a cat-and-mouse around the obstacles. It certainly kept you both on your toes.

As you went, settling into the movements, you took a few more risks. When in the training room, it was fun to test it out. Not to mention, knowing Hobi was this capable also boosted your confidence in having each other’s backs in a real situation.

Exhilarated from the rush of movement, you pushed yourself, sprinting and leaping over gaps and vaulting corners, an equal amount of focus on your electric offensive.

As much as you had joked with Hobi, you couldn’t bring yourself to aim with everything you had. Besides, aiming your shots to only brush the air beside him would improve your accuracy more, if anything.

In true Hope fashion, he stayed constantly ahead of you, practically running loops around the ceiling while you tried to keep up.

He leapt overhead as you pulled yourself onto a platform, making you spin to follow his change in direction. But you could predict the path he would take. Stopping for a moment, you raised your arm, lining it up to graze the soles of his trainers as he leapt towards a series of steps.

Pulling himself out of the way in time, his momentum continued his path while your bolts chased him, blue splashes in his wake.

Grinning, you finally followed him, jumping up a level and letting another shot go at the same time.

But as you landed, your feet slipped with the force, arms instinctively shooting out to correct your balance. The training room floor wobbled too far below you, teetering for a heart-stopping second at the edge.

Safely righted, you turned back to find Hobi.

Your chest tightened, heart seizing once more.

The dazzling, dangerous blue sizzled through the air, not hitting the mark you had intended. Time slowed down as Hope jerked away from it, only to fumble his footing on the next landing, only a thin ledge high on the wall.

His body slammed against it, his arms grappling for the edge he had just slipped from.

Blue collided, scorching the dark wall above him, but you could only watch in petrified terror as he started to fall. It was too fast, while your body was left frozen, powerless as he plummeted.

Somehow, he twisted, trying to kick off the wall on his way down, as you had seen him do so often. His path changed a little, velocity easing as he grasped a rope, but it escaped his fingers, unable to catch on with the speed of his fall.

He reached the floor. Rolled, half-colliding with the base of one of the scaffoldings you had just been racing around.

“Hobi!” you breathed, lungs only just beginning to cooperate.

With the newfound movement returning to you, you unthinkingly stepped off the side of your own platform, shooting blue lightning to the ground to support your descent. It wasn’t a skill you had practised much, and with the way your arms were shaking, you didn’t make it smoothly, but you stumbled onto the ground, just managing not to fall on your face.

You were already tripping over yourself to get to Hobi’s side.

He was sitting up – how, you had no idea. Somehow, you seemed the most stricken of the two as you practically collapsed at his side while he grinned around at you, rubbing his head. Was he hurt?

“Oh my goodness, Hobi, I’m so- I didn’t mean to actually-”

“Hey, don’t worry-” he tried to say, a bit breathless but still smiling. You barely heard him, though, hands quickly coming to his head where he was clutching it.

“Shit, I wasn’t looking, I shouldn’t have shot…”

Your panicked apologies accompanied you kneeling up, trying to get a look at him. Neither of you noticed the figure passing the doorway, stopping as he saw you two knelt together.

“Y/N!”

Hobi succeeded in getting your attention only by catching your wrists, stopping your hands as they fussed over him. Looking up at you, he fixed you with a firmer gaze than you were used to from him. Checking he had your attention, he placed your hands away from him and relaxed.

“I’m fine,” he emphasised, “you think you’re going to knock me down so easily? Imagine, ‘feared villain falls over in training, defeated.’”

Heart still pounding a little too much, you huffed a bewildered laugh.

Dropping your hands entirely, he sat back. You kept them there, some of the frantic energy fizzling from your body.

Grin taking up residence on his face once again, Hope leaned in conspirationally.

“I thought you would be pleased to get the one-up on me,” he teased, “you literally said you weren’t going to go easy.”

Your real challenge had been to aim near enough but not too close, but of course Hoseok didn’t know that. The precision practice you had been going for had failed, you hadn’t won!

Swallowing all that down, you half-heartedly tried to smile. You stayed kneeling opposite him, still too shaken to stand.

“Are you sure your head’s ok?” you asked weakly.

To your surprise, he laughed brightly. But then again, that was a signature Hobi response.

“Yeah, I just hadn’t bargained on a free haircut!”

Bringing his hand up back to the spot you had noticed him grabbing earlier, he pulled on a chunk of his hair, showing it to you. The lock was shorter than the rest of his hair which flopped around his head; it had been chopped off roughly, the ends singed and blackened.

You gaped, staring at it even as he let it fall back among his hair.

“See, it was only my hair, and it needs a chop,” he elbowed you, “no black hole through my heart!”

That certainly wasn’t an image you wanted. Any reminder of how close you had been to hurting your friend was unbearable, the black splotch in his hair bad enough.

You blanched, but didn’t get any further into apologising.

“Looks like she tried hard enough, though.”

Instantly, you tensed at Jungkook’s voice.

Hobi’s grin slipped a little, glancing past you. You, too, turned, finding Jungkook advancing, fists clenched at his sides. He had clearly come from working out: in his gym clothes, hair tied back but falling loose from movement. Except, in place of the animalistic vigour you knew training infused in him, his glare towards you was hard and shut-off.

It scared you more than what you had seen there before. Normally his fury burned, but now it was cold.

“Get away from him,” he ordered.

For once, nothing in you fought to argue. With the heavy weight of your mistake sitting in your stomach, you could only agree, and silently complied.

As you stood, Hobi shot to his feet quicker.

“Kook, leave it. We were training, this shit happens-”

“You were training with her?!” Jungkook exclaimed, “that was bound to end badly.”

“Then it’s my fault!” Hope pressed. He stepped towards Jungkook, but you only shrunk back from the two of them. “I asked her to join me!”

“You weren’t the one who shot you out of the air.”

“That’s hardly what-” Hobi sighed, “Kook, you’re being dense, there’s no problem. I trust Y/N.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” the younger ground back, before turning a glinting eye on you, “maybe you shouldn’t.”

You sucked in a breath at his words, feeling them lodge deep inside you like bullets. But it was your own guilt that dug them in there, the reason they didn’t deflect. He was right.

That didn’t make it sting any less.

Feeling nothing but his gaze fixed on you, you longed to escape it. Run free of the reminders of what you did, what you almost caused, and how that hurt him as well.

And so you did.

At least you kept yourself from breaking into a full sprint. After a charged moment, the tension not allowing you to breathe, you stepped desperately away, rushing for the door.

You paid no mind to Hope’s crestfallen call of your name.

Leaving them behind you, trying not to feel worse at the fact that you couldn’t even stand to face your guilt head-on, you simply blundered your way to your room. You knew some others would be in the kitchen, and didn’t want to alert them, so you forwent slamming your door.

The tension stayed crammed into your arms as you shut the door forcefully, yet painfully slowly. Your hands hovered, shaking, inches away from the wood as you stared at it, breathing heavily.

You breathed in, in, in, gasping like water was rising about your head.

And then, everything spilled out. A tide of air left your lungs, forehead falling forward against the wood, hands dropping despondently to your sides.

Among the whirlwind your life had become, you had focussed so hard on using your powers, building them, trying to prove something. Falling in and out with Jungkook, on top of this – but he had been right all along, hadn’t he? How had you forgotten the real danger this magic brought with it?

You didn’t blame Jungkook for not wanting you around the others. Gone from your mind were all the times you had shared with him and the others, head only filled with his stare. You couldn’t shake him.

That evening, you stayed in your room, not particularly feeling hungry. Or willing to face the others, more like.

You had only winced when Hoseok knocked on your door. Why should he be the one coming to you, after what you had done to him? It should be the other way around.

For tonight, you let yourself be a coward. At least you hoped the boys wouldn’t push; they never wanted to overstep. So you stayed silent, waited after he asked if you were there without giving any response. Waited until his footsteps left again.

Jimin also came past and said goodnight to your closed door, but he didn’t stop long.

Sleep didn’t come easily, and didn’t stay long. You simply seemed to get lost between the darkness in your room and your head. At some point, you thought another set of footsteps came to stop outside your door. But no one spoke.

Somewhere along the way, you must have fallen away from reality, but even then it kept knocking. You had no way of knowing just how deep into the night it was when you startled awake, throwing the tangled covers off you to escape.

You were left alone, panting and staring into the unforgiving shadows. They did nothing to erase your nightmare.

Blue shot from your hands, missing the mark. Hoseok fell, fell, body motionless. You had scrambled back, screaming, at the sight of his bloodied and pale face. The gaping black hole where his heart should have been glared at you.

Blue surrounded you, scorching through your limbs. The stench of burning filled your nostrils as sparks filled the air.

As you writhed on the floor, a row of your friends stood watching on. They didn’t move, frowning down at you. And you couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop the power that forced itself from your body, striking them one by one, black burns streaked across their skin.

Last of all, Jungkook fell at your feet.

That had woken you up alright.

Itching to move, you finally decided to give up on sleep and got to your feet, throwing on a warmer sweater. Opening the door cautiously, you found only more darkness welcomed you from the rest of the house.

Still, you knew that with 8 people in one place, meeting someone was not out of the question.

You turned away from the communal kitchen, slipping out quietly towards the staircase which you followed down. On your way, you hugged your arms around you, some ridiculous fear possessing you that your powers could break free, like in your nightmares.

They hadn’t stirred, however, your control well practised. But that didn’t stop the phantom itching, memories of the ugliness your powers held.

The pain they had wrought on you when they first emerged – the pain they must have inflicted on countless others, who had never been as lucky to tell the tale like you. Were they your powers at all, not Bolt’s? But Bolt was a hero. Maybe it was you that made these powers so perilous-

Your feet hit the cool floor of the training hall.

Stilling, you stood and stared across the vast space. Cavernous in its emptiness, it sorely missed the life it usually had when the boys trained, filling it with colour.

Not really having an aim, you slowly walked to one of the adjoining spaces where you felt more apart from the world. Away from your friends. Your limbs moved like you were still sleeping, wrapped up in your head as you were.

You crossed the threshold and sighed. Then you sat, slowly sliding down the wall beside the doorway and curling into it. Retreating.

For a while, you simply breathed in the silence.

You tried to ignore the warring images in your mind. The sudden and unpredictable night when Bolt had changed your life. Back then, this power had been nothing but pain; it had tried to kill you.

But then, you couldn’t help but think of the people who had come to you when you lay alone on a dark road, burning up in Bolt’s wake. The man who the city thought was their hero had sent you off the edge of that building, not saved you. It had been a different group of heroes that came for you.

Mind wrestling with itself, you tried to reconcile the home you had been given, the safety and family that filled it, with this ugly, gnawing worry. Your group were powerful, had nothing to fear as you stood aside from the world.

But what if they should have been looking for a threat within?

You lowered your head to your hands, fingers threading through your hair and stretching, restless from this conflict.

The power that ran through these hands…

How had you grown to love it?

Staring at the floor as this thought struck you, you felt the thoughts grind to a stop. You blinked, relaxed your hands.

With an exhale, you sat straighter, bringing your palms in front of your face.

You had grown to love your power. If you threw your panic aside, you could feel…

Nothing.

No threat, no disobedience, no burn.

These were your powers. You wouldn’t let the thoughts of Bolt chase you away from them. You were in control.

Slowly, you breathed, feeling the flame in your chest ignite like sparks you were blowing to life. In no rush, you let the embers trace their way down your arms, collect in your palms and hover. Blue twined together in the air there. It wasn’t a callous beam of lightning, not aimed at anything, or anyone. Occasionally, a tendril of static would stray from its edges.

Sitting back, finally feeling some tension ease away, you gazed into the light. Neon and shadow swirled together in a globe.

This was what your friends had given you. The ability to control what could be dangerous – could. Instead, they had made it beautiful.

Your mind strayed against your will, thinking of the one person among them who had helped you shape this the most.

“I always knew you were reckless.”

Despite his words, Jungkook’s voice wasn’t harsh. Among the silence, his voice was low, flat rather than accusatory. You hadn’t heard him arrive, but his appearance seemed to come straight from your thoughts, and as such you didn’t even flinch.

You were pulled from your reverie, however.

Blinking at your still swirling orb of blue, it took a moment to catch up with reality before you turned slightly to see him standing in the doorway, looking down at you. His face was lit in pale blue, a light frown thrown into relief by this, the only light among the blackness.

His eyes bore into yours for a moment before he diverted them to the bundle of power you held in your hands, making a foreign lick of blue dance in his irises. The reflection was jarring, and you realised just how used to his warm, golden power you were.

“Reckless?” you repeated.

You saw the moment you took back his attention, his scrutinising eyes returning to you. He stepped into the space, hands buried in his pockets as he walked steadily around you.

“Do you know how much power it takes to kill? A hell of a lot less than you have right there.”

His feet fell evenly, barely audible. It was as if he fell into a short orbit of your globe, focussed intently on its presence where it hovered, its crackling surface and the light it emanated.

Then, he was opposite you, and his eyes flicked upwards. Locked with your own over the fizzing lightning.

“You had a good enough shot at it today.”

The instant his words hit, you bit down on your tongue. But you absorbed their impact, only needing to remind yourself of the energy, harmless in your palm, and the paths your mind had already been down tonight.

“That’s not what this is about,” you spoke softly.

It seemed to startle him, and he considered you for a moment. His keen gaze didn’t waver when he finally decided to press.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not shooting it at you, am I?”

His frown deepened.

“It’s not something that’s there just to look pretty. You- you need to control it.”

“Is this not control?”

He blinked. In the blue light, you saw for the first time complete surprise in his eyes, like such a thought had never crossed his mind. Always, he seemed to be steps ahead of you, but here he was stumped, lost…

Watching his mouth grapple with the ghosts of words, his eyes searching the sphere as if it would give him the answers he could understand, you softened. Instead of preparing to push back at him, you sighed.

And explained.

“It scared me. I don’t want to hurt Hope, of course I don’t. But where will it get me if I fear these… powers?”

You were aware of Jungkook’s eyes intently trained on you, but you let your powers magnetise your gaze. Staring into them, you lost yourself in their depths again.

“This could hurt someone, you’re right. It could kill you – well, maybe not you – but someone, if I wanted right now. But… I don’t. They’re mine. And… they’re beautiful.”

You sighed your last word. Maybe in a more awake state, you would have the presence of mind not to admit this all so readily to Jungkook, of all people. But just speaking the words gave you more confidence in them. You held the light steady.

Meanwhile, Jungkook had drawn closer. He looked down at you with an odd expression, more awkward with the steeper angle now he stopped beside you.

Realising his presence, you snapped away from the hypnotic light, turning to look questioningly at him.

He pressed his lips together, before making a stunted gesture with his arm.

“Can I-”

You stared blankly. A short huff left him, his frustrated gaze tearing away from you before he tried again, fixing you with a glare, as if it was your fault he was desperately embarrassed.

“Can I join you?”

“Sure,” you shrugged. His question had caught you off-guard, in honesty, though you tried not to show it.

He sat in a hurry, as if it would shake off the previous moment. In his haste, his shoulder brushed your own, and he shifted away a moment later, though the distance was still small enough to feel his warmth.

Neither of you spoke for a while.

The ball of light you had formed continued to roil in mid-air, almost proving your earlier words. You were in control, and it made no attempt to break away, to destroy.

Slowly, you lowered your hand, the light dimming with it.

You didn’t dare turn around or make any move nearer to Jungkook, still staring into the semi-darkness. But as your light faded, you caught a motion of his hand. He had turned it over, and flexed his fingers in a jerky way, but as he moved them a couple more times it became almost delicate.

Refusing to turn your head, you kept your eyes on it nonetheless. Jungkook must not have realised you were watching, as he turned his hand over contemplatively a couple of times.

All of a sudden, he seemed to give up, letting it drop. For a moment there, you had expected a warm golden light to join the weak blue that remained of yours. Not about to leave the pair of you in total darkness, you let a cool light simmer from your palms, but they rested on your knees rather than raising to illuminate the space.

It only extended so far as to surround you and Jungkook. A spotlight in the otherwise sleeping house.

You heard Jungkook’s head hit the wall with a soft thud. You heard his breath in, the way it screamed of having something to say. Something he was breathing in the courage for.

But then he breathed out.

While your mind had settled considerably, the reminder of just who you were next to put you on edge again. You would never have envisaged sitting peacefully side by side with Jungkook, yet here you were.

If he was stewing on how to break the silence, however, you were expectant.

Another breath in, followed by a moment where it was held. You did the same, almost tempted enough to turn to him.

The air left him.

“Bolt’s powers aren’t beautiful,” he blurted out. His sharp words landed a blunt blow to the silence.

You let the impact dissipate, breathing in.

“No,” you replied, “they aren’t.”

It was certainly true for you, who had felt their impact. But there was something of that same pain in Jungkook’s voice, the way he spat out the supposed hero’s name.

Beside you, Jungkook shifted.

“How can you say that?”

His words were hard, but you sensed he wasn’t butting his head against you for an argument. It was a genuine question, a lingering curiosity behind his bull-headed disguise.

“Because my powers aren’t Bolt’s,” you said softly, “not anymore. He may be the reason I got them, ours may be the same colour… but they’re in me. That’s got to be as a big a part of it as the lightning itself. The power would be nothing without me, but that’s not true the other way around. I’m more than them.”

“Yeah, well, people don’t see it like that.”

The bitterness in Jungkook’s words surprised you. Brow creasing, you finally looked around at him. He, too, was frowning, but it was directed at the floor, his head bent.

In the meagre light, the slope of his cheeks were washed in your blue, the slant of his slightly downturned lips outlined in shadow.

“Do you?”

At last, his eyes turned to you. A few of his dishevelled strands fell into them, but they still reflected back that blue in their troubled depths.

It took him too long to form an answer, or maybe it just dragged out as you stayed stuck in his gaze.

“Of course not,” he muttered, all in a hurry.

He diverted his eyes, reminding himself of his surroundings, the fact he was staring just as much as you.

But they betrayed him. They darted back to you once, twice.

He dropped his shoulders, before resolutely turning to you once more. Perhaps he had more to say on that strange noncommittal answer? You could only wait as he inhaled again, steeling himself for the words to come.

“…did it hurt?”

What?

You hadn’t expected that.

Nor did you expect the sudden weakness underlying his tone. The kind that made him sound as scared as you had been today, rather than the affront of anger you were used to. The kind you knew you were only hearing because it was the middle of the night, alone.

You searched his gaze, trying to puzzle out his question.

“Did what hurt?” you asked carefully.

His gaze didn’t falter, almost pleading, as if he could dredge the answers just from looking into your eyes.

“Bolt.”

You inhaled shallowly. You hadn’t needed the nightmare to remind you of just how excruciating it had been, your memory could tell you easily enough. That kind of experience couldn’t be forgotten so simply.

“Yes,” you forced out, honest and flat.

In his desperation, Jungkook must have leaned closer. Why he had such a need to drink in your answer was beyond you; he had never brought this up before.

You had no idea what more you could say, and were quickly getting distracted, your mind pushed off track by the inescapable eyes locked on yours. Around them, his face shifted at your words, falling almost imperceptibly. But you were busy drowning, engulfed in the dark irises lit with your own blue light.

Suddenly, he pulled away, leaving you reeling back to your surroundings, feeling like you had resurfaced, gasping, from a lake.

Refocussing, you breathed deeply, calming the powers. You had felt a small spark leap further from the contained glow in your hand.

Jungkook was hunched over, his elbows on his knees and head bowed once more, thoroughly defending his face from your sight. You had no idea where the tension that wracked his frame had come from.

There was no time granted for you to find out, however. He pushed himself up, only sparing a sideways glance for the blue radiating from your hands, before he stormed away as if he had never come.

Thank you for reading! If you liked it let me know! See you next Sunday💜💜

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[nucleo-bang-tan]

wife's bsf au where reader is wife and she sees her bsf coming into their bedroom at night and fucking her husband right beside her while reader is crying but she stills observe everything

You didn't specify which member you wanted me to write. I was assuming it was Taehyung? But I'm sorry I had to do Jk.

Grayscale Pt.1 | JJK

Pairing/s: Jungkook X Reader

Genre: Cheating AU, highschool sweethearts, first love

Rating/s: No detailed explicit content, but wouldn't recommend it for minors.

Warning/s: Major heartbreak (duh), sweet love story, Jungkook is literally a liar and a dirty, dirty cheat (not irl, he's an angel), mentions of sex with another woman, not really a satisfying end? and I guess the ask says the rest, lmk if I'm forgetting anything.

A/N: Please leave comments, I would love to hear from you guys. Critique my writing and tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, really appreciate it.

I'm also extremely sleepy while writing this, let me know if I made some mistakes or if my writing isn't as good as you expected (anon, you can send another ask if you would like me to write it once more)

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The memory of the precise moment you fell for Jungkook remains vivid in every corner of your mind. How could you not, honestly?

He was a year older than you in high school. Typically exuding a reserved and shy demeanor, the sophmore was exceptionally good at basketball and other sports. Not that you were far behind; you could effortlessly win against majority of the students in any given sport. Everyone but Jungkook it seemed. 

The pretty boy had throngs of admirers. You honestly understood them but you could feel yourself groan with annoyance everytime he beat you at a sport you practiced for days. Yes, he annoyed you, a sentiment he was well too aware of.

The boy didn't attend school as often, he had his future laid out in front of him, his father being a huge businessman in Busan.

You couldn't say that you hadn't heard of his father's reputation but you certainly could tell that Jungkook was pretty intimidated by him.

"Maybe she just likes you!" His friend answered much too loudly when Jungkook asked about why you disliked him.

He just laughed, "I wish. But I have a rough feeling that it has something to do with the fact that I demolish her at every game."

They were sitting together in the gymnasium during their lunch break, stealing glances at your direction, Jungkook wasn't the only one with admirers, you had your fair share of them.

Jungkook couldn't admit it openly but he had a crush on you. His feelings were shared only to the ones closest to him.

"You should really tell her, you know." His friend suggested.

"And-"

"And risk your father knowing? Man, just try it. You can brush it off as a rumor if it gets out."

Jungkook sighed, his desire for you practically consumed him.

He looked at you yet again. He knew it was a huge risk, but fuck. The way you laughed with your friends, the way your eyes glistened with purity, everything made him want to hug you and whisper the cheesiest of words into your ear. You were pretty, so pretty.

He couldn't risk it, right? But maybe he could give it a shot.

Jungkook's friend invited you to a local park that same evening since Jungkook couldn't muster up enough courage to do it himself. He picked one where the public consisted mostly the elderly to reduce the chances of him being noticed.

"Namjoon-hyung, you sure this jacket looks good?" Jungkook panicked. "I have to be there in 15 minutes."

His older friend sighed, "You could just tell us you're going on a date; it's obvious. We won't be that mad you know."

"It's not a date, I'm just meeting a....friend."

"Sure you are, that's why you got the biggest bouquet."

As Jungkook hurriedly made his way to the park, his mind raced with anticipation and nerves. The weight of the bouquet in his hands served as a constant reminder of the leap of faith he was about to take.

Despite his attempts to brush off Namjoon's teasing, the truth was undeniable: he was about to meet you for what felt like the most important moment of his life.

There you were, squatting down near the pup of an elderly couple. Your hair catching the golden sunlight and framing your face ever so beautifully.

This was the first time he saw you outside of school and without the uniform or gym clothes. You were wearing a simple skirt and a jacket to protect from the chilly weather, the soft hues blending perfectly with your complexion. He made a mental note of how good your sense of clothing was.

But that moment sparked a certain sense of determination in the teenage boy's head. He had to have you. It was that exact moment when he decided that he'll marry you and only you one day, keep you close to him forever.

Maybe you'd decline his proposal to take you out on a date, maybe you'd slap him for being delusional, but he simply didn't care then.

He approached you, and squatted beside you softly petting the dog.

"Jungkook?" You furrowed your eyebrows, attention shifting from the puppy to him.

"Y/N?"

"You're late, you know?" You huffed, feigning annoyance. Getting up, you started walking around the serene lake, Jungkook walking beside you.

"I know, I'm sorry." He cleared his throat, it being way too dry for his liking. You looked at the flowers in his hands and figured they were for you.

"So, why did you invite me here? Oh well, technically your friend did."

Jungkook needed water and was hoping he could dive into the lake. But the way you looked at him made him question if that would be enough to hydrate him.

"I- uh- was thinking..."

"You're awfully confident while playing, you know. You should really bring that over into your actual personality."

He remembered what his hyung, Namjoon taught him, 'Question, joke and complement.'

"Uh- do you come here often?" That was dumb, Jungkook realised as soon as it came out of his mouth.

"No, not really. I wish I did, my parents don't really allow me to go out that often."

"Oh, why is that?"

"What if someone, like you, kidnaps me?" You laughed, "Wouldn't be be a pretty situation, right?"

Jungkook relaxed a bit, your attitude didn't seem inapproachable at all. He had talked to you multiple times, but all after you lost a game against him. To be fair, he'd be annoyed too.

It was the complement stage, and Jungkook meant it when he said, "Your hair, it's really pretty- like you."

You blushed uncontrollably. This was the first time someone had called you pretty. Now it was your turn to shy away from him.

Jungkook thought it was so unbearable, that he couldn't hold it in anymore. He had to ask you. He had to get your answer. Seeing you blush made him even more infatuated with you.

"I uh- invited you here today to ask you something." He started.

You looked up at him with those bewitching eyes that had him at a loss for words. But he still managed to say, "Go out with me?"

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A week after you rejected Jungkook, you were very unfortunately invited to watch the boys' basketball game. Ofcourse, Jungkook was going to be there, the thought made you want to crawl into your bed and hibernate till it was all over.

Jungkook was a great person, handsome, smart, and at times more shy than he should be. He was the typical high school crush and so much more.

Jungkook asking you out, despite the fact you had a slight distaste towards him, felt like a dream. But dreams are called dreams because they are too good to be true, right?

Jungkook was not the problem, never was. It was your strict parents. Telling them that you had a boyfriend was a suicide mission in itself.

After your refusal to date him, Jungkook had a huge mental breakdown and decided it'd be best if followed the path made for him by his father.

"You know, you're staring." Gaeul nudged your arm. Her remark made you quickly come out of your daze.

"At Jungkook? No way, I was just looking at the uh-"

"I think he knows you're staring."

"Fuck, should we leave?" You asked.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You didn't leave but stayed longer than anyone. The court was empty at this point except for the janitors who exchanged looks that probably translated, 'When's this one leaving?'

You felt a presence sit a foot next to you on the bleachers.

"Hey." He said. Jungkook was all showered and fresh. Hair still damp from it and skin smelling like soap.

"I should leave, shouldn't I?" You chuckled.

"Y/n, can I ask you something?"

You nodded.

"Why do you care what your parents think?"

"What?" You looked at him surprised.

"Are you sure you rejected me because you don't like me?"

"Jungkook, I-"

"Your friend, Gaeul told me how your parents will practically skin you alive if you date someone."

"I'm sorry but I can't go against them."

"Do you like me?" He shifted closer to you on the bench.

"I can't, Jungkook. Why don't you understand?"

"Do you like me?" He simply asked.

"I do, a lot."

With that he put an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his body. The heat he radiated was overwhelming. You had never been this close to a boy before. Your stomach did a flip seeing how close his face was.

"That day, when I saw you, I realised, that I can't imagine taking a single step without you. I have no idea what happened to me, but I'm glad it did."

"Jungkook, I can't." You whispered.

"You don't seem like you mean it, say what you want."

You knew neither of your parents would approve of this but fuck, the pretty boy's eyes did something to your heart. It made you want to cry, something about him pulled you, and it was significant.

This was the exact moment you fell for him.

"I want to be your girlfriend."

Pulling you closer than humanly possible, he kissed you.

There goes your first kiss.

You felt so soft, your cocoa butter lip balm smelling ever so sweet, he wondered if it would taste like cocoa butter too, spoiler: it did.

Jungkook held you so delicately, kissing you like you were a fragile sculpture bound to crumble.

"Hey, get your asses out of here!" one of the janitors yelled.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Y/n! What is the meaning of this?" Your father yells at you.

"Dad, this is..." You tried to explain who the boy with his arm around your waist was.

You were in the final year of high school and Jungkook was already in college. This was the first time you brought Jungkook home to introduce him to your parents.

"Young woman, get yourself upstairs to your bedroom, I'll get rid of this... guy" His voice still holding lots of anger and disappointment.

You sigh, "Dad, this is Jungkook. He's... my boyfriend."

Your dad was speechless, and the disappointment was through the roof.

"We've been together for 3 years now." I gulp.

"That's enough!" He yells. "This is not what we expected from you. 3 years? You've been hiding this for 3 years now?"

Jungkook decided to speak up, "Sir, I love your daughter and she loves me. I promise you, she's the girl I'll marry. I hope you'll understand that" His grip on my waist tightens reassuringly.

You look at Jungkook, he had said these words a million times but now, in front of your father? This was something entirely different.

You take a deep breath, "Dad, I don't care if you give your blessings to our relationship or not, I just wanted you to know that I have him, I have Jungkook."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You had somehow managed to get into the same prestigious university as your boyfriend and decided that you'll finally live together.

Your father couldn't say no to your relationship even if he wanted to. He cared more for your happiness and though he wasn't sure about Jungkook, he decided it would be the best to let you be your own person.

"Jungkook?" You look over your shoulder, hearing the sound of the door opening.

"You stayed up? I told you not to." Jungkook, sits beside you on the couch. He leans in and kisses your forehead.

"I couldn't sleep without you. You know how much I love your warmth." You rest your head on his chest.

Looking back, you should've placed the familiar scent that didn't smell like Jungkook which lingered on his shirt.

He pulled you closer to him, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" You look up at his face, he was on the verge of tearing up.

"I-"

"Jungkook, hey." You cup his face and place a small peck on his lips. "You can tell me anything." You place your forehead against his.

"I don't know, I'm sorry for everything." He sobbed.

"What do you mean?" You peck his forehead, his nose, his cheek, everything you can you show him how much you loved him.

"I promise you, I love you."

"I know, Jungkook. I love you too. I promise. More than anything."

Jungkook cried in your arms, muttering around a hundred sorry's. He never said why he was apologising.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Just close your eyes." Your best friend, Gaeul urged you. You were highly suspicious of what was going to happen.

You were 22, fresh out of college and currently on a vacation with your closest friends and ofcourse, the love of your life, Jungkook.

"Gaeul, can you atleast tell me where we are going?" You feel the cold sand under your feet. A mix of chilly and windy was perfect to describe the evening.

"And now, open them." She quickly lets go of you and giggles as she leaves you in the middle of the beach.

But it wasn't dark like you had anticipated it to be, instead the perimeter was decorated with fairy lights and candles, which surprisingly didn't go out.

But something that shined brighter than any light on that beach was Jungkook.

He walked towards you and got down on one knee. His heart pounded with a mixture of nerves and excitement. He took your hand in his, feeling the warmth of your touch against his skin, grounding him in this moment of pure love and vulnerability.

You immediately knew what this was, "J-Jungkook..."

The air is filled with the scent of saltwater and the sound of seagulls in the distance, creating a serene backdrop for what is about to unfold.

"My dearest Y/N," he began, his voice quivering with emotion, "From the very first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that my life would never be the same. You've been my guiding light, my source of strength, my reason to smile even on the darkest of days."

You smiled, the love was evident in every action of his.

"Do you remember our first kiss? Or hell, our first date at the old people park? Looking at you that day, I realised, you were the only one I've ever wanted in my life. The love that you gave me, I have only strived to return it to you."

He pulls out a small purple velvet box from his pocket.

"So, you let me be your first kiss, but would you let me be your last? Will you... Kim Y/n, marry me?"

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"I'll be late again, don't stay up." Jungkook said through the phone.

"I know, but I was hoping to help you relieve some stress today." You bite your lip.

He chuckled, "I'll be fine, I promise. Now be a good girl and go to sleep, yeah?"

"Alright, just be safe. Love you."

Jungkook had been coming awfully late for the past few months. Something about his dad's company being passed down to him. But when he did come home at 4 in the morning, he held a particular scent which seemed really familiar to you.

You weren't a fool afterall, it was a perfume, a ladies' perfume. But you knew, Jungkook had a sensitive nose, he preferred women's perfumes more than men's strong colognes.

And you knew, Jungkook did not have a single female in his life except his mother and his cousins.

So you didn't think much or pay much attention to your husband sneaking inside the covers at 2 in the morning, holding that familiar scent again. You were half asleep, your back to him, when he came anyways.

But you did pay attention to the bedroom door opening and realising that Jungkook was still in bed with you, but you hoped you were dreaming.

You could hear the smirk in Jungkook's voice when he whispered, "Such a whore, followed me home, did you?"

"Couldn't get enough of you." Someone else whispered back.

Alright now you were on high alert. There was someone in your bedroom who was a woman.

You could feel the bed dip more when you assumed the woman climbed onto the bed.

"You didn't fuck me enough." The voice, which sounded so, so familiar, whispered. It was so familiar that you didn't want to recognise it.

"Come on now, Gaeul." Jungkook's words made your breath and heartbeat all stop at once. "Coming to my home like this?"

"Please?" Gaeul whispered.

"What if Y/n wakes up? You need to get out, you know." Jungkook sounded way too calm for your liking.

"What about it?" Gaeul whispered back.

You couldn't even process anything. The shuffling, the wet sounds, the whimpers. All seemed like a dream. But why would it hurt so much if it was a dream?

Amidst all the whispers and sighs, you only heard, or well, could fathom one thing.

"Why are you with this bitch anyways?" Gaeul panted, whispering long out the window.

The sounds, the smell, the lies, everything was too much for you. You felt as if you were under a bus. The metaphorical bus being 11 years of lies worth.

The realisation that Gaeul was the one who helped you with Jungkook in the first place. Jungkook never showed a single sign that they might be involved with each other more than how they were supposed to be.

The tears you shed during this entire ordeal were enough to drench the entirety of your pillow, your hair and the sheets under you.

The disbelief overtook your sadness and disappointment. You wanted to scream but you couldn't.

You could still hear the pants and the skin slapping when Jungkook said, "Don't know, she's a really good fuck."

[cherrycola27]

A Favor Among Friends

Series Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption, historical inaccuracies. Regency era men and ideals. Eventual Smut. RegencyEra!AU Banner Credit @thedroneranger

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

...........................................

Chapter 2: The Offer

Your heart leaped in your chest when Bradley walked into the room. He brought your daisies, your favorite flower. He brought some lilacs for your mother and a bottle of wine from his travels for your father.

Sitting with him in the drawing room, talking felt so easy, so natural. You knew that he was the one for you. If you had it your way, by the end of the season, you'd be his Viscountess. You were giddy at the thought.

Bradley was just about to leave when your brother and his wife walked in. Eddie immediately asked to speak to Bradley in the study to catch up, you presumed. So, you excused yourself and took your sister-in-law by the hand and led her to the sewing room so you could show her the latest embroidery piece you'd been working on. Once you were married, you'd be able to join her sewing circle.

"Edmund! It's so good to see you!" Bradley exclaimed as he walked into the study. "What are you doing here, Bradshaw?" Your brother asked him harshly. Bradley looked at him puzzled.

"I'm calling on your sister. I intend to court her and take her as my wife." Bradley said as if it was the most obvious thing.

"No." Eddie deadpanned. "No? What do you mean, no?" Bradley asked him. "No, you cannot court, my sister, and you most certainly cannot take her as your wife. I will not allow it!" Edmund state.

"I don't believe that is your choice, Mister Beaumont. I believe the say is your father's, Lord Beaumont. Bradley narrowed his eyes.

"She is my sister! My baby sister! And I am your best friend. You have known her all of her life, and she was like a sister to you! Which is why I don't understand why you would want to court her. And as far as having her marry someone I know, I'd much rather her marry a stranger than my best friend whom I know all about. I know every triste and affair you have had Bradshaw. And my sister deserves an honorable man. Someone who will be faithful to her." Your brother exasperated.

"I have my father's ear. He will listen to me." Eddie bit back. "Why can I not court Ducky? She is a wonderful woman who is well accomplished in many talents and has been a friend to me my whole life! Surely you would rather her marry someone you know than someone you don't?" Bradley asked your brother.

"You think I am not honorable? I am a gentleman, and unlike many men of the Ton, I have no bastard children. And I would be faithful to Ducky." Bradley argues back.

"Bradley," your brother sighs, "you are a rake. You have been since we were six-and-ten, when your mother passed. I am not saying that you are a bad person. But I know that it is not a lifestyle you will be able to give up. I know I am being harsh, but you are not good enough for my sister, and you will only break her heart. So please. As your friend, I am asking you not to call on her again." Eddie finished.

Bradley clenched his jaw. "Fine." He walked to the door and paused. "I'll be taking my leave now. Bid your family a good day for me." He said before storming out.

..............

You were saddened that you didn't get to give Bradley a proper goodbye, but hopefully, you would see him again.

Rainy weather kept everyone inside for a week, but on a fine Wednesday morning, the sun broke through the clouds and brought new life back to the Ton.

That afternoon, your mother insisted that you go to Market Square and promenade with her and your brother and hopefully find a suitor.

You looked and saw that Eddie and your mother had stopped for a refreshment, so you quickly walked over and looped your arm with Bradley's.

You wore a golden yellow dress with fine beadwork, some white lace gloves, and your hair swept up away from your face. You were walking slightly ahead of your brother and mother when you spotted Lord Harrington coming down the path towards you. You curled your nose at the thought of promonading with him and quickly looked around for a way out. Just across the path, you spotted a familiar frame.

He was startled to see you. "Ducky? What are you doing?" He asked you.

"Lord Harrington was about to come ask me to promenade with him, and I would rather jump in the pond. Which is quite the risk because I cannot swim." You giggle.

Bradley laughed at you before escorting you to your family.

"Lady Beaumont, Mister Beaumont," Bradley nodded to them. "I was hoping I could escort Miss Beaumont through Market Square this afternoon. Would that be alright?" He asked.

"Of course!" Your mother cheered and smiled at him. Eddie smiled too, but you couldn't help but notice how pained he looked.

"Thank you." You whisper to Bradley. "Lord Harrington is determined to have me has his third wife and refuse to be it." You say. "You are not someone's third wife. You are someone's first and only wife." Bradley said to you. You smiled and turned away from him, fearing the blush in your cheeks would give away the crush you had on him.

"You know, we have to stop meeting like this, Lord Bradshaw." You chuckle as you curl your arm tighter around his.

"What ever do you mean, Ducky?" He asks you, still using that nickname he gave you all those years ago. You turn slightly to see your mother and brother walking a few feet behind you.

"I mean," you drop your voice to a whisper, "I swept you into to promenading with me through Market Square to avoid a suitor, just like you swept me onto the dance floor at the first ball of the season."

"I didn't hear any complaining from you when I did. However, if you'd like, I could always find someone else." Bradley chuckled and lifted his hand as if he was going to pull away. "No!" You said hastily, clapping your hand down over his. He let out a chuckle and shook his head. He enjoyed spending time with you, truly.

He turned back for a moment to see your brother shooting daggers at him. Bradley shook his head. You were the one who pursued him this time, but your brother didn't know that.

...........

Three months. It had been three months since the first ball of the season, and you had yet to secure a proposal from Bradley. He hadn't called on on you since the first ball, but he'd danced with you and each one since then. Always two dances. One quatrain, one waltz.

Each time was always magical, yet he'd neglected to call in you again. Unfortunately, Lord Harrington had called on you three other times. Each one worse than the prior visit.

However, as you sat at your vanity, you hoped that Bradley's mind had changed. He promised you that he would be at your home this week and your parents had told you to wear something "elegant" because they had news for you this afternoon.

You donned a beautiful emerald green dress with pearl adornments your mother loaned to you. As you descended the stairs, you heard voices and in the drawing room. They seemed to be in high spirits.

You took a deep breath and plastered a huge smile on your face as you walked in the room, only for it to drop at who you saw sitting with your parents.

"Lord Harrington." You grimaced. "Miss Beaumont, wonderful to see you again. Forgive me for not being able to stay longer, but I must leave." He said the moment you walked in.

"It's quite alright." You half smiled as he took his hat and kissed your hand to bid you goodbye.

"Darling, come sit." Your mother said. "We have some news, Y/N." Your father said as you sat down. "Lord Harrington has ask for your hand. He has made quite the offer."

"What? Have you accepted it? You told me I had until the end of the season, and we are only halfway through!" You shouted, smacking your hand on the table.

"Darling," your mother began, "we have not accepted his offer, but it is the only offer we have had all season. And, there is no telling how long it will be available. So, your father and I have decided that if you do not secure a match in two weeks, your betrothal to Lord Harrington will be official."

"No, no! He is old enough to be my father. How could you allow that. He has a lesser statis than we do!" You protested.

"He has a sizable estate and is willing to talk a dowry significantly smaller than your sister's was. The decision is final." Your father said before dismissing you from the room.

Tears stung your eyes as you stormed up the stairs. You couldn't believe this. Your parents were so desperate to get rid of you that they were willing to marry you off to someone twice your age that looked like he was one day away from going in the crypt.

You were so angry. You refused to be sold off like some prized heifer. You'd seen the girls who were placed into marriages like this by their parents. You had to find a way out.

You paced around your room, searching for something, anything to help. Your eyes landed on your globe.

"America, I could go to America." You whispered. There was just one problem. You needed money. Your family had money, but you'd never be able to take the amount you needed to start a new life in America without getting caught. You needed help.

"Marisol!" You called for your lady's maid. "Yes?" She asked you. "Have the stable prepare my horse. I'm going for a ride." You said. She nodded and took off.

An hour later, you had your cloak pulled up around your face as you road your mare through the pastures to your brother's estate. You were disheveled by the time you made it.

"I need your help." You demanded we the two of you were alone in his study. "With what, my dear sister?" He asked you.

"Mother and Father intend to marry me off to Lord Harrington if I do not find another suitor in two weeks. I cannot be his wife, Eddie. I will not." You say.

"So, I'm going to America. Aunt Johanna lives in North Carolina. I can reside with her until I find a more permanent place to live. But I need money to do that. Can you help me?" You beg your brother.

"Y/N, this is a crazy idea." He tells you. "Eddie, I do not care if you think I am making a rash decision. I will not be trapped in a loveless marriage to a man forty years my senior. Will you help me or not?!" You shout at him.

He sighs. "How much do you need?"

"Three thousand pounds. Enough to start over and support myself until I can find work." You say. "I know you must speak to your wife about this, but Eddie, just know, I will find a way there with or without your help."

"Give me a couple of days to get the funds together. And to arrange for me to travel with you. I will not let you make the journey alone. It's far too dangerous." Your brother tells you.

"Thank you, Edmund. Truly." You say as you hug him. "I must leave now, Mother and Father do not know I am here. I will have my things packed and find out how quickly we can leave." You say before bolting out of the room.

"You're not actually going to let her go to America, are you?" Your sister-in-law, Clarissa, spoke as she emerged from behind a bookcase.

"Of course not, I just needed to pacify her for a few days." Eddie spoke as he settled into a chair and rubbed his face. Clarissa settled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"She said that she had two weeks to find another match. Do you think it's possible. Has anyone else tried to court her?" Clarissa asked him.

"Sir, Mister Edmund Beaumont is here to see you." A valet said to Bradley as he sat in his study looking over his ledgers. "Send him in." He half mumbled.

Your brother sighed before jolting up. "My god, Rissa, you're a genius!" I need the carriage at once. I have an idea!" Your brother exclaimed before running out of the room

................

"Bradley!" Eddie practically shouted as he strode in the room. "What, Eddie?" Bradley rolled his eyes, still annoyed at the conversation from a few months ago.

"I need you to do something for me as a favor among friends." Eddie said seriously. Bradley sat up straighter, noticing his friends tone, and his flushed his face was.

"What do you need, Eddie?" Bradley asked him. "I need you to marry my sister." Edmund stated.

The laugh that Bradley let out was boisterous and echoed off the walls of his study. He subsided after a few minutes and noticed that your brother was still standing there.

"Oh. You were serious, " Bradley said. "Yes, I am!" Eddie shouted. "Didn't you tell me a few months ago that I had to stop courting your sister?" Bradley said as he leaned back in his chair.

"Yes, but things have changed. My parents are going to betroth her to Lord Harrington in two weeks if she doesn't have another suitor by then, and Ducky said she refuses to marry him. So, she's planning on running away to America so she doesn't have to marry him. She came and asked me for money so she could! Do you realize how crazy that is and how dangerous it is?! Bradley! She said she would go with or without my help!" Edmund shouts.

"Eddie, if I go to your parents and ask for her hand, they are going to think I'm crazy. I called on her once!" Bradley shouted.

"Yes, but you promonaded with her at Market Square, and you've danced with her at every ball. It will not seem out of the realm of possibility." Eddie counters.

"Fine. But she already has an offer. Why would they accept mine?" Bradley asks him.

There is a long pause between the two men. Your brother can see that Bradley is weighing his options. After what seems like an eternity, he breaks his silence.

"You are a Viscount. You have a higher rank and a larger estate than Lord Harrington, and if you agree to take a smaller dowry, they will surely accept your offer. But, fear not. I will make up for the lack of dowry from my own purse. I will give you three times that of what my father does. Please, Bradley. We both know how head strong Ducky is. She will run away, and if she does, we will never see her again. I cannot lose my sister. I am sorry for the things I said before. I will never doubt your honor again if you do this for me." Edmund begs him.

"Thank you!" Eddie almost weeps as he moves to hug his friend. "You're welcome, Edmund. I know how much she means to you." Bradley says.

"Alright. I will marry her. I will go in the morning to your parents. But I do not wish for a dowry from you. Knowing that Ducky is safe is more than enough." Bradley finally says.

"She means the world to me." Edmund smiles. "I have one request, though. You must promise me that you will be faithful to her. No affairs, no mistresses." Edmund tells him. "I promise." Bradley assures your brother as he shakes his hand, and escorts him out.

Once he's gone, Bradley walks over to a painting on the wall and removes it, revealing a small safe hidden behind it.

Bradley pulled the key from his pocket and turned the lock. He opened the small door and pulled out a small blue box. Inside what his mother's betrothal ring. A stunning arrangement of sapphires and diamonds set in silver. He placed it on his desk, and tomorrow, he would place it on your hand when he asked you to be his Viscountess.

Bradley wished the situation was different. He'd wished that you were accepting his proposal out of love, not out of need. But he would be a good husband to you. He would take care of you.

..........

Convincing your parents to accept his offer was much easier than Bradley thought. He guessed that the idea of them not having to give a dowry out weighed any other reservations they had.

Your smile almost seemed genuine when he asked you for your hand. You played the part of a dutiful fiancée so well as you gushed over your ring, which was a perfect fit. It was almost as if you actually loved him, but Bradley knew that it wasn't true. And no matter how big the smile on his face was, his heart was broken.

Tagging those who might be interested: @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @desert-fern @roosterforme @daggerspare-standingby @dakotakazansky @startrekfangirl2233 @na-ta-sh-aa @katieshook02 @beyondthesefourwalls @je-suis-prest-rachel @soulmates8 @horseshoegirl @djs8891 @roosters-girl @rosiahills22 @dempy @callsign-magnolia @gretagerwigsmuse @mshistorylover @seitmai @kmc1989 @bcarolinablr @waywardhunter95 @whatislovevavy @inkandarsenic @dingochef @princess76179 @schoollover @cheyrenee @angelbabyyy99 @bobfloydsbabe @sunlightmurdock @sebsxphia @atarmychick007 @queenlmno @sweetwhispersofchaos @mamaskillerqueen @withahappyrefrain @pwficrecs @blackwidownat2814 @carolineesnell @inky-sun @hrlzy @berrypockets

[akystaracer22]

Distrust Fall:

A leap of faith gone wrong, an eternal promise kept eternally. No matter how long it has been some things never truly change.

Notes

How to fail a trust fall: Step one

Vaggie's relationship with Adam is very complicated, but at the moment there is a lot of animosity and it shows.

Adam is of the opinion that Sorry doesn’t mean jack shit if you make the mistake again, so he just doesn’t apologise because he thinks he’ll just fuck up again so there’s no point.

The hotel needs a licensed therapist at this point dear lord.

Alastor still isn’t over the whole “Radio is fucking dead” thing.

If there is one thing that Adam knows off by heart, it’s the names of animals scientific or otherwise. That was the guys job once upon a time and assuming he doesn’t know that stuff is the true quickest way to piss him off. He’s also really good with animals which pisses off Anthony because Fat Nuggets *likes* Adam and it drives the sinner up a wall.

Alastor and Lucifer are on the ground. Angel, Husk, Charlie, Vaggie, and Adam are on the roof.

Alastor was going to let him get a cm from the ground before catching him dw.

Lucifer used to be friends with Adam in the garden because I live for that sweet sweet friends to enemies tragedy.

Adam really does not like people staring at his face, it’s a mild form of scopophobia caused by his time in heaven with people always giving him shit for how he looked, particularly his facial features (Yes I drew on everyone calling him ugly and average on twitter and shit). He used the mask to get around it, that way people couldn’t actually see what he looked like.

This was originally 1260 but then I got an idea that blew this out by 500 words lol.

The graveyard with be elaborated on in a future connected one shot.

This is officially a fully fledged AU

Regarding Adam's claws, they're gold to combat the greyness of his palette, but also as a nod to Midas, the arrogant king who's touched turned everything to gold. Angelic blood is also gold so if you want you can interpret it as having blood on his hands.

Fingerless gloves because I thing they're neat.

I based Lucifer's wings off of duck wings!

Also Lucifer's angelic appearance was based on space. I heard Sera call Charlie "Daughter of the Morning Star" and I went feral.

He has a full shifting night sky in his wings, clothes, and hat.

Angels have white pupils now I don't make the rules.

References saved my life.

Word count: 1725

(Comic and fic under the cut! Click for better quality)

@irregular-child

Adam leaned away from the edge as the wind drifted through his wings, keenly aware of the fact that his wings wouldn’t break his fall and he did not in fact trust jack shit in hell to break it except the ground.

“Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“I’m with princess perfect this is a fucking death sentence,” Adam agreed, a little reluctantly because it was still the princess of hell, “You’re trying to fucking kill me.”

Vaggie smirked, because of course she did because she was trying to kill him, he wasn’t that dense, and just shrugged, “I mean, worked for me didn’t it?”

“That wasn’t even a fucking trust fall that was to get you to fucking fly and you know it! Fucking bitch,” The first man scowled and tried to step away from the edge, the crack whore of an arachnid immediately shoving him back up, “Would you fuck off?!”

“Would you stop being a dick?”

“Would you stop sucking them?”

The white jumping spider stared at him for a long moment and Vaggie stepped away from him for once, great! Cool! One person was leaving him alone and soon a second one will!

Great! About fucking time they got the message-

-------]

Lucifer paced nervously around Dazzle’s statue; this was a terrible idea. Having Adam go through a trust fall this early was going to end in disaster one way or another.

The main issue being nobody liked Adam and wouldn’t care if he fell. Hell, Charlies girlfriend has already tried to kill Adam off for good multiple times since he got here!

This was going to be a mess; Alastor was supposed to be catching Adam but he was just standing there looking completely unprepared and-

“Are you going to get ready or not.” Lucifer snapped at the radio demon, wings flicking out behind him in agitation.

“Oh, I have no intention of catching him.”

Lucifer froze, his tail stilling before lashing behind him as he turned on the deer-eared sinner, “What.”

“You heard me.”

“Oh, I heard you alright, and I think you should try that again.”

“And why are you getting so worked up, hm?” The sinner hummed, sneering down at the king, “Last I checked, the first man was your enemy after he tried to kill your own daughter.”

“I-” Lucifer paused, then scowled because Alastor was right. Why was he getting so worked up over this. This was Adam they were talking about. Adam who was crass and rude and cold to everyone. Adam, who would rather sit in his room all day than even look at any of them. Adam who was…

“…Luci, do they all hate me?”

…

“I can see why they left me for you.”

…

“It is good to see you again my friend! Come, much has changed since your last visit!”

… Adam who was so much more than who he was now. Who was probably the only person left in hell that remembered Eden.

Damnit.

“That’s none of your business you son of a bitch,” The fallen angel snapped at the cannibal, eliciting nothing more than a growing grin from the bastard.

Not a day went by in hell where Lucifer wished that this wasn’t his circus and that the sinners weren’t his monkeys.

Someone screamed above him.

The seraphim whipped his head up, eyes widening as he registered Adam twisting the air as he was shoved off the roof by Angel Dust.

Fear struck his heart like an exorcists blade when the first man tried to use his wings to glide, only for a single wing beat to send him into a spiral hurtling towards the ground.

He caught Adams eye for a single moment before it was obscured by his good wing, the man was terrified. He didn’t know sinners reformed after death and despite it all. Lucifer would never wish someone to experience falling from their death after quite literally falling from heaven.

Not even on Adam.

Something in his heart spurred the king into action, kicking off the ground as his wings snapped open to catch the air. A single beat of his wings and he was already well off the ground.

Lucifer reached a hand up for Adam as the fallen angel reached out to him in kind, panic written across both their faces at the idea of a horrible accident.

Lucifer’s wings moved the air one more time and-

“And… you will catch me?”

Lucifer laughed softly, a gentle chiming sound from where he stood behind Gods first man. He was trying to show him a game Lucifer and his kin would play from time to time amongst the spires of heaven.

The game was simple, one angel was to stand up high with their wings folded and fall. Then the other angel was to catch them. It was supposed to build trust, not to mention it was a delight in and of itself.

Standing amongst the grasses of Eden, Lucifer saw no reason not to share this game with Adam. He’s already grown fond of the way that Gods creation would go out of his way to show the angel what he’d been up to since his last visit.

“Be not afraid my friend!” Lucifer’s wings spread quietly to punctuate his point, divine magic threading his words, The Voice ensuring that the first man would hear and believe him.

“No matter how far you fall, I shall always be there to catch you.”

Lucifer wrapped his arms securely around the fallen angel as his wings curled around wing and man alike, bracing himself as the added weight as they both fell together.

It’s funny, it reminded him of when Adam first fell, a fiery ball that could have almost been mistaken as a shooting star had Lucifer not known better.

They hid the ground with a slam and the fallen seraphim had to bite back a shriek as his wings took the brunt of the force. They’d be left aching for a while.

Lucifer grunted as he pushed Adam off of him, sitting up and folding his wings in, allowing them to slip out of existence while they healed, he definitely didn’t want to do that again.

He slowly got to his feet while the first man got his bearings, dusting himself off and rubbing his shoulders to try and alleviate the pain.

“Why the fuck did you save me?”

Lucifer jerked and looked down at Adam from where he was glaring up at him, a note of confusion held carefully in his gaze before it dropped.

“I-”

“Well, isn’t this quite a surprise!”

Lucifer’s expression shot into a scowl as he rounded on the radio demon very blatantly interrupting the moment. The bastard just grinned and stared down at the both of them.

From the corner of his eyes Lucifer noted Adam’s good wing hitching up instinctively to cover his face from the demons gaze before dropping.

Lucifer turned his attention back to the radio demon with a glare that could melt steel, “You were going to let him fall,”

“I was going to do no such thing,”

“You just said-!”

“I said nothing you just assumed I was going to do nothing at all!”

“Listen here you!” Lucifer was just off again by the main doors opening and the other’s all barrelling out at the commotion.

Lost in the sudden onslaught of attention and having to field Alastor’s snarky comments, Anthony’s suggestive remarks, and Charlie’s concern, he didn’t see Adam flee the scene.

It wasn’t until much later that he was able to recognize the first man’s absence, searching the hotel to see if Adam was okay.

He found him at the graveyard, sitting among the many tombstones for the exorcists slain in the battle that caused Adam to fall.

Lucifer paused at the entrance to the burial ground, watching Adam sit there facing away from him for what felt like an eternity.

Despite the dead being gone, the king of hell still felt like the exorcists weapons were pointed at him, a warning that if he made one wrong move they would rise from their graves to protect their leader, to avenge him, to strike Lucifer down in an instant.

The once-angel of the morning star carefully stepped away from the cemetery, making sure he didn’t break the silence. Even if Adam wanted to be disturbed, he wasn’t the right person to do it, not in this place.

Besides, he still had his own thoughts to sort through, like why in the name of the divine he saved Adam when he would have survived regardless. He would have been fine even if he did hit the ground unimpeded so why-

Lucifer grimaced as the answer stuck to him like a parasite, he knew damn well why he saved him. It was the same stupid reason he preened Adams wings for him, the same reason he treats the first man’s wing rot and the exact same reason he made that deal with Adam after he fell.

He was attached.

Stupids horribly foolishly, Lucifer still cared for Adam even after everything.

By the stars he beat Adam within an inch of his life! Adam tried to kill his daughter!

But emotions were hardly logical. They weren’t logical when he fell for Lilith in the garden and taught her and Adam both The Voice, they weren’t logical when he freed Eve, and they weren’t logical now.

Lucifer cared for Adam, even if by all logic he should hate the man.

“Dad?”

Lucifer looked up to meet his daughters eyes, a small smile letting her know he was okay, “Hey there Duckie.”

Charlie’s expression softened at the nickname even if he still looked concerned, “Dad… are you sure you’re okay?”

“If I’m not now, I will be, so stop worrying about little old me Char-char,” Lucifer chuckled, “However… Adams in the graveyard if you want to talk to him, he seems like he needs some company right now.”

He made his exit quickly after that, he knew what Charlie would do, it was in her nature to help people, it was what made her so special.

But Lucifer, he helped people once, and now… he had a new person he could help again.

And he might just know where to start.

[erinwantstowrite]

every time i start panicking about the small details (like how i don't know near as much marvel lore as i do DC, etc) i remind myself that LoF wasn't supposed to get super popular and im just having fun and practicing writing for my own books and suddenly that anxiety goes away. like it's not gonna be perfect and it was born out of me and my friend being goofy

[scuderiasundays]

a promise is a promise

summary: sliding into a stranger's dm's, nostalgia for your first date, and a promise sealed with a kiss + a little insta au at the end 💙

words: 1,071

a/n: my first time writing for mr. leclerc! thank you for the req, @headinthecloudssblog 🫶🏼 tagging @vamossainz55, @sainzcaleruega, @monzabee, @formulaforza, @thatsdemko, and @diorleclerc because i trust you all deeply. feedback is much appreciated as always. hugs and kisses!

Charles loved Adele and he sure wasn't shy about it. While the other racing drivers were hyping themselves up with rock, EDM, or rap, the Monegasque’s AirPods (which he often lost) were blaring “Someone Like You.” You, yourself, wondered how the powerful yet melancholy ballad could put him in the right headspace to drive at breathtaking speeds of up to 362 km/h. 

You were nothing short of euphoric when it was announced that she would be extending her exclusive residency in Las Vegas. It would be a dream come true if you could see her live during the weekend of the Las Vegas Grand Prix. However, a bitter reality crept in when you discovered the final show was scheduled for November 4, a mere two weeks before the two of you would arrive stateside. Charles would be racing at Interlagos, while you would be stuck at a clinical genetics conference in St Andrews.

“I was going to get us tickets to thank you for your service in the Great War!” You huffed as you watched Charles tie the laces of his Puma running shoes, visibly let down by the news. All of your friends thought the racing driver had used his F1 connections to get you those coveted floor seats, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. Your boyfriend had spent 18 hours in a virtual queue on one of his few days off, using multiple of his sim racing monitors to secure tickets to the Eras Tour. Arthur had mocked his older brother about how “whipped” he was, joking that he was relieved someone else’s screen time was as horrific as his own.

With a light kiss on your neck, Charles wrapped his arms around you from behind, his voice filled with affection. "It’s like this, ma chérie. I'm going for a run with Andrea," he whispered. As he headed towards the door, his shoulders slumped and his AirPods in, it became clear today's run would be more of a recovery run, a moment for him to recharge physically but more so emotionally.

Determined to bring Charles closer to his idol, you swiftly grabbed your phone from the kitchen island and opened Adele's Instagram profile. Sliding into someone's DMs had never been your style, let alone that of a Grammy-winning artist, but you figured there was nothing to lose.

"Hi, this is Y/N. I know it's unlikely that you'll ever see this, but I'm taking a leap of faith for my boyfriend Charles, who is undoubtedly your biggest fan. Our first date perfectly encapsulates his essence," you began typing, a wave of nostalgia washing over you. "He took me on the most gorgeous twilight yacht ride, accompanied by a meticulously curated playlist of his favorite songs. Upbeat songs like 'A Sky Full of Stars,' 'Pepas,' and 'Feel So Close' filled the air. But then, out of nowhere, a hauntingly beautiful piano melody began to play."

Pausing for a moment, a reminiscent smile graced your face as the memory came roaring back to life. "'Is this Adele?'" you had asked, a glass of rosé in your hand. Charles looked so at peace compared to the tense expression he sometimes wore during race weekends. He had offered you his blue Ferrari sweatshirt to ward off the evening chill and confirmed that it was indeed Adele. Charles shared that he, unlike most, found comfort in what he deemed “depressive music.”

Since that fateful evening, the British songstress' music had become an integral part of your relationship. It served as the soundtrack to your road trips, where you took turns belting ‘Rolling in the Deep.’ It sparked heated debates about whether Adele’s ‘Daydreamer’ or Sade’s ‘By Your Side’ should be your first dance song. It even led to late nights, downing espresso shots just so you could listen to her latest album the second it dropped.

You reached for your phone once again. "That night ended with Charles’ hand resting on my thigh as he drove me home to 'Make You Feel My Love.’ Your music has been the soundtrack to so many of our most intimate moments, and it would mean the world if you could find some time to perform for him," you typed, pouring your heart into the message. You added, "I know this is a long shot, but I..." before eagerly hitting the "Send" button. With a growing sense of accomplishment, you decided to run to the grocery store to pick up some fresh salmon for dinner.

Unable to keep a secret to save your life, you shared what you’d been up to with Charles. "You DM'd the queen? Je t'aime, ma belle, but I highly doubt she'll reply," he playfully teased, rolling his eyes as he wiped the dish you had just handed him.

"What if she does?" you retorted, a hint of hope in your voice. "You know how I treasure you so much I don’t even trust myself to take you on a hot lap? We’ll do it in Las Vegas if and only if Adele responds." His devilish Leclerc wink accompanied the mischievous remark, leaving you to wonder how this crazy turn of events would unfold.

Weeks passed, and with each passing day, the likelihood of a reply dwindled. Charles was away in Qatar when the doorbell unexpectedly rang. A courier stood before you, holding a grand bouquet of white roses along with a message card. Assuming it was from him, your hands trembled as you read the sign-off on the ivory white card. There it was, unmistakably etched in the most elegant script. Five letters. Adele.

You snatched the card eagerly and read it over countless times, overcome with disbelief. It turned out that Adele's devoted fan base had made her very much aware of Charles' fanboying. She expressed her delight and confirmed that she would be more than happy to sing a few songs for you over dinner so long as she could score some “cool mom points” and bring her son Angelo to the race.

Your hands trembled with sheer excitement as you shared the spectacular news with Charles. He blamed his nonexistent allergies as tears welled up in his eyes, but you saw right through his lies.

"So, you'll be taking me on that hot lap, Leclerc?" you grinned, blissed out seeing him so happy. "Bah oui, une promesse est une promesse," he replied, sealing his vow with a well-earned kiss.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, and 61,616 others

yourusername: weekends with adele (and charles) 🎰🍸❤️

fan1: “it’s true that, after a bad day, if you listen to that, you cry. you don’t feel any better. but i like it. i like the mood of depressive music.” - chuck leclerc

charles_leclerc: i have the best girlfriend in the world! tu est simplement la meilleure ❤️

adele: she’s one of a kind! thank you for letting me bear witness to your love x

yourusername: you, sir, are the love of my life. thanks for tolerating my impulsivity!

fan2: i need a charles and adele collab and i need it NOW 😤

joris_trouche: he’ll never shut up about this

charles_leclerc: prepare to be sick of me! wait, you and @andferrari007 already are 🫣

scuderiaferrari: c² music challenge but adele songs only?

carlossainz55: why play when i don’t even stand a chance 🤨

[timeclipsed]

Hello hello hello to all my mutuals, and to all the ones I haven't followed back too! The last few days have been so hectic that I haven't had the chance to sit down and properly articulate my thoughts until now, so I hope you can forgive me for missing the mark a little here.

With this bummer of a year finally coming to an end, I know a lot of people are scrambling to find something hopeful to hear to give them faith for 2025. Reassurance, acknowledgement, kindness— anything to at least put a pretty bow on top of everything. Maybe some of you received that of which you were looking for, maybe some of you didn't and were saddened by it.

If I could, I would send every single one of you a personalized message telling you how much you mean and how happy I am that you are here with me. I suppose something more generalized doesn't have the exact same sentiment, but regardless I want to tell you that I see you, and that I care for you. Even if nobody else in the world has made you feel valued or seen, I promise that I do. You are so real, and so, so rare.

In the short time I've been here, this silly little community has become a home to me. It's always fun when things get chaotic, or when we're sharing promos, or talking about the same topics. Every single presence on my dashboard matters to me, because it creates an entirely new verse in this big, endless orchestral song we're all performing together. And every time we get a new player, with their own new instrument, I get so happy! No matter how minimal or fickle you think your contributions are, I hope you know that I appreciate them. You are beautifully articulate writers with intricately wonderful portrayals and uniquely valuable concepts/ideas. And you, in your own little ways, help to cultivate this community and make it into the exciting, welcoming place it is now! Whether you're an AU writer, or you're so canon divergent that sometimes your character doesn't even seem like the original thing, or you're entirely about OCs, or even all of the above, everything you do here is great! Thank you for being brave enough to share your thoughts with the world; with us, with me!

I may not know any of you very well, or have an idea of what you face in your real lives day-to-day, but beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that you're so brave for waking up every morning to face it and even still having the motivation to come online everyday and show us your most creative thoughts and visions! You're tenacious, resilient, and best of all you're you! You can take whatever this wacked out life throws at you and still stand tall to come back for more!

You know the craziest part? You faced that uphill battle head-on, a conflict you can only take one day at a time, and you won. Every single fight this year threw at you, you overcame. I am so proud of you! So, so extremely proud! Maybe you had days that didn't feel great or nights where you made mistakes that you regret, but those are leaps and bounds away now! Because you're still growing every single day! And now you're here, in the future!

Well, I could go on, but I won't take up any more of your time. I don't know if this is anything, or if it will matter much in the long run... but I do hope you all recognize that the sentiment is here, and that it's not going away any time soon (much like you, heheh, go you go!).

Thank you for being here, and for being you. Happy 2025!

[spnfanficpond]

July 2024 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Nominated by @heavenssexiestangel

A Stairway to Nowhere by all_the_kings_ham (AO3)

Everyone knows there is a lack of some good Ducifer fics out there, due to it being a rarepair. This one is still one of my faves and I love the humanity and trauma shown in some scenes. It's truly worth a read.

Apple Pie and the Apocalypse by @ladyknightskye

I'm still reading it but I've read quite a few new chapters and I'm absolutely loving it. There are some hilarious scenes and some more serious ones (sometimes they're together...) and I really can't wait to see how it ends

Like an Open Book by @butiaintgonnaloveem

I am trying to get into x Reader fics and there truly is a lack of Ketch oh my G-d. Anyway. Although here the reader is... Way too dominant to be me lol... I love Ketch showing his softer side and reader helping him to relax. I shall leave nsfw thoughts untold 😫

Nominated by @annahmiraculousmillenium

Let's pretend I'm dead by evitably (AO3)

I love possession fic.

Nominated by @charliethealpaccaso

Woof by morrezela (AO3)

I tend to hunt down all sorts of transformation based fics of all kinds if it peaks my interest and this one caught my interest at the start. I want to make sure more people check out the tag or get some ideas. For this fic what if jensen got turned into a dalmatian. How is he going to deal with his new form and does he ever get back to his human self that is up to you to figure out

Like The Fairy Tales by Icefire149 (AO3)

As the one trying to seek out some great animal transformation fics we got this one where sam is turned into a frog. I thought this was a cute fic and worth a read if you like to check it out.

Regarding Sam by AllHallowsEve (AO3)

For me Regarding Dean was a great spn ep and when I found this I wanted to see what would happen for Sam. The story for the ep plays the same with some added bits more leaning on the Sam side of it all along with his relationship with Dean.

Home For a Stray by 3oclockrock (AO3)

This one was a hard read for me with the topics but it did peak my interest a bit in its concepts. If your interested in a strange read with more mature topics dealing with struggle and recovery check out this fic.

Faithful Companion by brokenlittleboy (AO3)

I'm still hunting down as much transformation fics that peak my interest and this was one I thought was a great read. Sam's powers go out of control causing him to change into a dog and Dean take a bit of an advantage on him giving him a pink collar.

Nominated by @glygriffe

Did You Hear? by cacholady (AO3)

This is a sweet outsider (mostly school related) POV on Dean. He might not be a dad, but he sure has a way with children! And I love that Bobby John Campbell was a part of this story.

Nominated by harrypotterfanatic1 (AO3)

amoralism by @artyandink

I'm nominating this because it's just caught my eye. It's an AU, based in the world of the FBI and the smut is just AAHH and the sexual tension and all of it is so damn GOOD! There's also a plot around a crime syndicate which includes as many major characters as possible and it's overall a read which I would recommend everyone to check out and leave their feedback on as there's so much to go. Aah, can't stop talking about it! It's the characterization as well, all the characters leap off the page and are so accurate. Definitely felt I should nominate this.

Nominated by @leatafandom

Wingman by cas---2y5 (AO3)

I love Sam's fascination with wings and Gabe helping him organize the bunker. I love how their relationship changes and the how Sam just can't help himself. Plus it's also just so steamy.

we sons of hell and heaven by @gay-destiel

This was such a great read! I love the word usage and descriptions so much! It was so enthralling and the relationships were amazing to watch bloom.

Nominated by @masoena

Living in a Haze by @girlsvmonsters

The story has well thought out plot, smoking hot smut, lots of Dean whump and a red thread of humor that compliments the trauma, angst and comfort perfectly. It is also polyamorous and A/B/O.

Nominated by @rainythursdaynight

Crashing In by @followyourenergy

I'm an angst girl through and through, but sometimes I just really need some fluff and comfort. That's what this fic is, hot chocolate on a (not 2024) cold winter's day, snowed in with a good book. Single parent Cas and kid Jack fics are always so lovely, as are the fics where Dean comes in when Cas needs it most. Even if in this fic it's a literal crash into them, it's fluffy and sweet and heart warming and cozy and everything you could ever want out of a read.

And This, Your Living Kiss by @asecretvice

I'm a sucker for well written stories about well written in-story works. Poet/Writer Dean has some beautiful works sprinkled throughout this fic that the author does so much justice to, his story is heart wrenching in the leave-your-chest-aching-despite-knowing-the-outcome-is-okay-kind-of-way, and I love me a fic about hidden identities. The tension, the prose, the energy: this fic is beautiful, if I only could describe it in one word it'd be that: Beautiful.

Heroes for Ghosts by @pantheonofdiscord

I think I haven't felt such deep yearning as I have felt conveyed through this fic. It reads so tense, like you're waiting for a small crack to let out some of the building up pressure and anxiety but still waiting, and waiting, and aching the way Cas does. And then when that pressure is finally relieved, god is it worth it. The waiting was worth it in the end. This fic is also a masterclass in writing interactions that aren't direct, none of TFW can speak to each other or see each other, but they still move and talk like they can, even if its out of desperation. It acknowledges the empty spaces in each of their lives during the fic, and reminds you in equal parts that they are connected even if the thread is invisible.

The Benjamin Franklin Key-and-Kite Experiment by @deanology101

I'm a sucker for not only time travel, but pre-season 4 deancas meetups. This one hit all the marks. It was tense with mystery, with energy, with passion and secrecy. It left the reader and the characters in equal levels of dark as to why things were happening in the way they were. And it kept characters alive that the show couldn't bother to, and gave the Winchesters some meaningful friendships to boot. This setting IS if Faith Healer had an extended cut, rainy and dreary and electric, but with occasional bouts of light peeking through the clouds. And Dean's Journal Entries? His little doodles? His analogies? Dean's voice was PHENOMENAL in this fic, I highly recommend it to any Dean fans, period.

The Sinking Ship by @crack--attack

I'll offer the note that I wrote down when I bookmarked this fic the first time. "Like bearing a part of my soul open and shining sunlight on it. I ache, but there are new flowers here. There are new flowers and a gentle breeze." This is a story about sacrifice, and love so intense it shakes the planes of the world. It's about story telling and eternity and history inundated by loss and a ticking clock and forgiveness and moving on and love. It's everything I could ever want in a piece of literature. Please, if you have even the slightest interest in Deancas, give this story a read. I read this not even acknowledging some of the ships in this fic but found myself pleasantly surprised by them. Even if you don't like or are impartial to deancas, or sam/rowena/gabe, or claire/maggie, please please PLEASE give this fic a shot. I'm so so glad I did.

The Neighboring Perspective by aileenrose (AO3)

A story about loss, grief, and healing. About loving unconventionally but loving fiercely and fully. About opening old closets and airing them out with hope. It's a shorty so I won't write much, just that if you're interested in moving on from loss, in finding new family, in learning how to love again, give this fic a shot. Plus baby!Ben Braedon is adorable throughout!

Out of the Deep by @riseofthefallenone

This is a behemoth of a fic, and popular if the hits are anything to go by. However, if you haven't read this yet and you're into heavy Mermaid lore, I highly recommend giving it a try! It's heavy at times. Cas is caged and sometimes no matter what they try to do, things don't work out for the protagonists. But they try again, and again, and again and the payoff is very much worth it in the end. Plus there's a whole lot of cathartic payback and BAMF Cas, Dean, Sam, and Jess that makes the high action points of this story edge-of-your-seat fun! And the calmer points much more magical, mystical, and hopeful. I loved it for its found family, for it's incredible lore, and it's fierceness. And when I have the time, I know I'll go back in for a second read.

Nominated by @samanddean76

My Brother's Keeper, My Father's Prisoner by @xpurdyglambertx

An Omegaverse story that starts dark with Dean being trapped by his duties and obligations. It follows him as he struggles to break away from those that are more intent on hurting him, than helping him to grow. With help, he does escape. And he goes on to find a relationship with an OC that you will love and adore. They grow together, while Dean works through all of the pain and trauma that was inflicted upon him by the one that should have protected him. It concludes with happy endings all around, and the possibility of hope for the rest of his days.

Nominated by @sardonic-the-writer

B-Clean by EliDeetz (AO3)

i'm nominating this story mostly because the descriptive nature had me hooked, as did the accurate characterization of gabriel, and the relationship between him and the reader was really enjoyable without feeling forced

Nominated by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

The Cherry Pie Club by zation (AO3)

>.< It’s so hard to explain. It’s a great story with angst, fluff, a bit of violence that is an after the fact type description so not too bad imo, and a hopeless romantic story. Zation does it again, ok? They’re an amazing writer and destiel is just *chef’s kiss* for them. I have yet to read a story of theirs that I haven’t enjoyed. I swear! Did I mention a bunch of well written kinky smut that also shows the developing relationship between the main characters and Dean coming to happy terms (with loving support) with his sexuality too. I highly recommend reading!

Stars in Your Eyes by Cigarettes_and_Valentines (AO3)

It is so, so good! It’s perfect. It’s perfect and I love it. Relaxed, Endverse-like Castiel is an amazing Alpha for Omega Dean Winchester, a career-focused man that loves his job. ❤️💙💚

Stars Above, Earth Below by @hellhoundsprey

It’s a love story that is technically a slow burn. It’s so sweet and well done. I love how the author gets Jensen and Jared finally together. It has a lot of A/O vibes imo, which might be why I love it so much. The secrets that come out and how it ends up actually helping in the long run, shows just how dedicated they are to each other. There is some angst but a good amount of smut that is actually necessary for the story. Pay attention to the details or you’ll miss it. 😊

For Appearances Only by @lotus820

It’s an amazing amalgam of urban fantasy, billionaire romance, one-sided enemy to lovers with a decent slow burn, and then everything gets fun, sexy, and dangerous. The love that Castiel has for Dean just keeps showing and showing so easily. Dean can’t help but falling for the being that is Castiel. I love this! This is a new comfort fic. It is amazing. You gotta read it. The title is half the story. 😊

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

The Fear That Remains by @stusbunker

This fic is nearly 4yrs old, and I've read it multiple times because the characterization is perfect (as Stu is wont to do) and it feels like I'm in the room, whether as a spectator or as the female reader. It's sumptuous and heartfelt, sexy and so, so Dean.

(Divider by @glygriffe)

THANK YOU ALL, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @heavenssexiestangel, and @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes!

[jurijurijurious]

"With a deep breath, he ceded to Grievous and, casting aside his former station as both Count and Jedi Master, dropped to his knees before the General."

Don't mind me, just over here excavating more 20-year-old fanfic notes from my old Revenge of the Sith AU plot bunny, where Anakin spares Dooku and Grievous then saves and escapes with the Count.

And here's another new sketch. (Dedicated to @charmwasjess - I'm glad we've stumbled across one another again after so many years!)

“Master!” a voice called.

Dooku opened his eyes but then recoiled at the brightness of the light and was forced to shadow his brow with a hand as he then squinted cautiously ahead.  “Qui-Gon?” he asked.

The light softened a little as Dooku’s eyes became more accustomed to it and it was then that he could see the tall form of his former protégé stood on a ledge across a gaping gulf.  A faint smile played about Qui-Gon’s lips and a small light twinkled in his kindly eyes, a light which had never in Jinn’s life seemed to have gone out.

Dooku swallowed and peered down.  Like Qui-Gon, he was stood on a rocky outcropping, his feet having little purchase; it was little comfort that, over the edge, the ground at the foot of this canyon was invisible, swallowed up in a thick mist.

“Come on, master,” Jinn shouted, gesturing for Dooku to leap across to him.

Dooku scoffed and shook his head.  “Don’t be absurd.  The distance is too great!”

Jinn looked disappointed though not disheartened.  He gave his mentor a warm smile, which was hidden intermittently by the wild tresses of his hair, blown about his face by the wind.  He then reached a hand across the chasm.  “Have faith, master,” he said.

Dooku baulked, placing his hands flat against the rock-face behind him.  The gap across the canyon seemed to get wider every time he considered it, to the point now that Qui-Gon appeared half a mile away.  “I’m sorry,” Dooku shouted.  “I cannot do it!”

Jinn settled back against his own wall, alarmingly at ease on the precipice upon which he seemed intent on remaining.  “Of course you can.  I’ll wait for you.”

And then Dooku woke up for real and realised that he had wandered rather too deep into the recesses of his mind.  He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back before he got to his feet from his kneeling position and flexed his stiff, metallic fingers.  Grievous stood before him with a quizzical look in his golden eyes.

“Were you asleep?” the cyborg asked.

Dooku held the creature’s gaze before he shook his head.  “No, I was not.”

Grievous reached up to unclasp his cloak, which tumbled to the floor in an untidy heap.  “But you were not conscious, Count.”

“Lack of consciousness is not indicative of sleep,” Dooku rallied.

Grievous regarded him for another moment before he said, with a deliberate slowness, “I am well aware of that.  Thus you owe me an explanation.  Such behaviour is strange to me.”

Dooku nodded.  Grievous had a point, after all.  “I fell into the throes of the Force.  There is little other explanation to give.”

Grievous chuckled.  “Then you may as well have said not a word for that means nothing to me.” He paused before he asked, “Are you ready to begin?”

Dooku looked at the droid general as the cyborg loomed over him in all his cybernetic glory, a creature more machine than flesh, and the Count wondered what it felt like to be him; how much of Grievous was still left?  Was all that made a person unique their mind, not their body?  Could one be nothing but a brain in a jar and still be oneself?

With a sigh, the Count then reached to his belt and tried to clutch his lightsabre.  His hands felt clumsy, unnatural… they weren’t there to feel, and though they reacted to his nerve impulses, fingers flexing and contracting, the sheer lack of sensation meant that Dooku may as well have been trying to catch flies in the dark.

Frustration began to build up quickly in the Count’s mind.  Here was the theoretical chasm which he was unable to cross.  He tried time and again, clouting the sabre this way and that, making it swing to and fro on his belt, before he knocked it from its hook and it fell to the floor.

With uncanny precision, Grievous caught it with his foot before it hit the floor, then raised it back up to Dooku’s eye level.

Dooku stared at it, then looked into Grievous’ eyes with a mixture of bitterness and apathy.

“No one can run before they can walk,” the General stated plainly.  “Even you.”

Dooku’s gaze tightened, resentment flaring in the depths of his pupils, before he nodded sullenly and asked, “Then how should I proceed?”

Grievous thought on this for a moment before he bade the old man follow him with a wave of his hand and, passing Dooku’s sabre from his foot to his belt, then led the Count away.

The pair of them walked through the empty halls and winding passages of the great Utapaun city, which was built into the side of a deep rocky sinkhole, until they arrived at Grievous’ makeshift quarters.

A medic droid tilted its head in acknowledgment as they entered this dark, cavernous chamber and Dooku allowed his eyes to briefly traverse the selection of spare parts, hypodermic needles, and jars of blood which decorated the shelves across the walls.  It was rather stomach churning and the Count hoped, deep down, that he would never walk into his own rooms to find this; an array of spare parts to keep him going.  Grievous had made many sacrifices in order to keep his life and become something arguably greater than what he had been before.

“Impressive,” Dooku murmured, brow arching.  “Might I ask what occasion is so great as to warrant my presence here?”

Grievous ignored the Count momentarily and marched with his great, birdlike gait to one of many shelves, and began to rummage through the myriad of instruments and containers set upon it. 

Dooku’s brow knit in confusion and he took a deep breath and began to peer around the room again with morbid curiosity.  It was then that he noticed the medic droid’s apt attention on him.

“What is it, droid?” he rumbled.

A small light on the droid’s long face blinked in response, and the robot replied in its monotone, “I am pleased to see the operation was a success.”

Dooku was momentarily puzzled before he realised that here was his surgeon.  “Ah,” he said, at a loss for words.  He was in truth not altogether pleased by this revelation.  The medical droid was old and clumsy-looking.  And yet this must also be the robot which maintained Grievous‘ vast system of blood and oil, flesh and metal, and not could be no mean feat.  Perhaps, Dooku thought, he should be glad that Grievous had trusted his life to the same entity which safeguarded the general’s wellbeing.

“We shall start from the beginning,” Grievous murmured from his shelf at last, turning to face Dooku again with something small clutched between his claws.

Dooku frowned, squinting to see what Grievous had in his grip, but was unable to make it out even as the General came ever closer.

“What have you there?” the Count questioned at last.

Grievous laughed under his breath and dropped the item to the floor.  It tinkled as it hit the metal panels covering the ground, rolling a short distance before it came to a halt.  When Dooku finally managed to trace the item with his eyes, he realised it was a small bolt, one of Grievous’ tiny spare parts.

Dooku looked back toward the General, unimpressed.  “Now what?” he pressed.

Grievous lowered his head to Dooku’s level.  “Pick it up.  With your hands.”

The Count felt the beast within tense at this blatantly simple challenge.  Still sore and wounded, the creature backed up into its den, hackles raised, and defended itself vigorously from the challenge which was now prodding its flank and inviting it to rise and face it.

“Do not insult me,” Dooku hissed between his teeth.  The air about him rumbled, the dark side clouding his thoughts, stroking the beast and whispering honey-coated lies into his ears.  ‘You don’t have to stand for this‘, it said; ‘remember who you are, what you can do.  You are too great to be trifled with by this general, who is only alive because of your mercy.’

But as he glared into Grievous’ eyes and considered choking the arrogant cyborg with the power he commanded, Grievous snapped him out of his self-indulgent rage with a few simple words.  “Be a coward then, Count.  Kill me for this small challenge.  You will not long survive without me.”

The beast within cowered and Dooku realised what a fool he was becoming.  If he destroyed Grievous, he would have no one else; if he threw Qui-Gon off the gorge, there would be no one to rescue him.  He could cross this gulf - it would take time and patience, but he would make it.  He had to learn to crawl now, walk later, and at the end of the day, he would run again.

With a deep breath, he ceded to Grievous and, casting aside his former station as both Count and Jedi Master, dropped to his knees before the General.  He then reached a clumsy, ponderous hand towards the bolt and began the long, hard task of picking it up.  It wasn’t about the bolt at all, of course - it was about learning to use his new appendages, about self control, fortitude and enduring the pain.

Across the gaping gulf, Qui-Gon smiled and nodded.

[candyspandemonium]

The 2024 Wrap Up

Aaaaaaand she's back. It's been a *year* but I wanted to do a post for the end of it, showing how many stories I've written and what type of project I did.

Writing :

9-1-1

To Forget Or Not Forget

When Christopher asks Buck for help when he's supposed to stay with Ana for the night, Eddie has to think about what he really wants to do with his romantic life.

Baby Whisperer

Athena and Hen open the door quickly and they look relieved to see them. “Buckaroo,” Athena sighs. “Thank God you’re here.” “This is a rescue mission,” Hen whispers. “We need your help.” “What’s going on?” Buck asks, his voice full of confusion. (...) “Baby whisperer!” Chimney calls. “Good. Tag, you’re it. Margaret, please give Jee to Bu – Evan.”

Another Side Of You

“Am I in trouble?” Chris asks as soon as he sees their faces. “No, Superman.” Buck smiles. “We just want to talk to you about something important,” Eddie says. Chris sits at the table, with Buck and Eddie across from him. “Are you and Buck going to date?” Chris asks. Eddie almost chokes on thin air, not expecting the question. Buck passes a nervous hand through his hair.

Child Whisperer

Or after Eddie and Buck get officially together, the 118 kids make sure that Eddie knows he can't mess with their Buck.

To Have A Home

After their break up, Taylor announces that she's pregnant. Buck must decide whether he wants to be a father. A story of the importance of family and of how to build a home.

Howling Love

Or the one where Eddie and Chris are werewolves and just cuddle with Buck.

Howling Protection

Or the Buckley parents are in town and Eddie loses his mind a bit.

Loving You Without Losing You

A 7x04 reaction. Buck goes on his date with Tommy. Eddie and Buck finally talk about their feelings.

Leap Of Faith

Eddie has to deal with the consequences of telling Buck to date Tommy until they're both ready to finally do something about their relationship.

I Think I Wanna Marry You

“Eddie,” Buck whispers-shout. “Do you remember last night?” He watches as Eddie looks down, sees the moment he notices the band around his finger, and can tell the exact moment the memories hit him. Buck looks at his own hand. Fuck. Yeah it’s real. “We – we got married.”

Bingpot

Or Buck, Eddie, Chimney, and Hen plan a heist to settle the debate of "who is the best duo of the 118". Buck and Eddie find love in the process. Bobby just wants to have some peace. A Brooklyn 99 inspired one shot for @gremlinsdiaz.

Raise Me Up

Or Buck and Eddie use a MMO to get Christopher to come back home, and maybe they get more than they planned.

500 Days Of Buck

Or 500 days of Eddie Diaz pining after his best friend.

Crossovers

Clarity a 911/RWRB crossover

Or while in Texas, Eddie confronts his own feelings with the help of his cousin and the Prince of England.

Tales of Lizards and Love a 911 Lone Star/RWRB crossover

 in which Carlos and Alex were high school friends and talk about their boyfriends after their engagement.

Red White & Royal Blue

Maps

In which a failing mask is the cause of Alex and Henry's friendship. As time passes, they learn to navigate life but mostly love. It's a long, messy road ahead but they have each other, right?

Scratch Me (To Sleep)

Or Alex listens to FoxyAsmr to fall asleep. What he doesn't know is that his new roommate isn't as much of a stranger as he thought.

Made For Love

Ice-Dancing AU! Where Henry and June are partners and Alex is just a mess.

Pick You Up (And Put You Back On Your Feet)

He doesn’t really know what they’re supposed to do now, uncharted territories and all of that but he’s hit with another memory from years ago. A stupid mistake, a challenge Alex had thrown Henry while he was drunk out of his mind. Can you carry me? Boy, had Henry delivered. Of course he had.

Weather Boy

“Hi,” Henry smiles despite himself. “What has the grass done to you?” Alex asks. “Nothing. It’s the rain.” Henry mumbles. “You’re bothered by the rain?” There’s amusement in his voice and Henry wants to – wants to what? Groan? He can’t when Alex is nuzzling his neck and is all warm and soft from sleep behind him. He lets himself fall deeper in his embrace, puts his hands on his arm, and squeezes, enjoying the way he can feel the muscles below his fingers. “I had plans,” Henry mutters. “Now the plan is ruined because of the bloody rain.”

Knitting / Crochet :

I got back to knitting this year and made three scarves for friends.

I also finally managed to start my crochet journey, making six hats (four of those were minis for little figurines a friend of mine has) so we'll see what 2025 brings!

I might post pictures later on if anybody is interested.

That's pretty much it. If you've made it this far, congratulations <3

I'm wishing everybody a happy end of the year!

If you want to share YOUR projects, don't hesitate <3