#aus on the other hand. someones gotta write em

[thatwasntlikeridingabikeuasshole]

wait all the sudden im writing the coffee shop au i started forever ago for no reason and have no plot or plans for other than vibes???? what the hell is wrong with me

[cosmerelists]

Attending a Party Thrown by Each Radiant Order

As requested by anon. :)

You've been invited to a party! Actually, ten parties. But the twist is that each party is thrown and attended only by a single Radiant order and also we're in some kind of quasi-modern AU. What would each party be like?

[Previously: Radiant Orders play boardgames, have sleepovers, and go to musicals]

1. The Lightweaver Party

The invitation is a glossy, stylized illustration of a hand holding a wine glass--a true work of art. You later find out that every invitation is unique; no two are the same. The invitation leads you to a large ballroom-esque hall. "What is your name tonight?" asks a masked figure at the door. "Uh...Fred?" you say. You had not planned this. "Welcome...Fred," they say and let you in. It is shadowy inside, perhaps because all of the light comes from fairy lights and electric candles. Everyone is masked--including you, as per the invitation. People glide about, talking and laughing in low voices. It's not unwelcoming exactly, but certainly...surreal.

2. The Windrunner Party

The invitation is a couple of dudes saying, "Hey, there's a thing. Wanna come?" when you run into them at the bar. "The thing" appears to be some kind of picnic at a local park: you were told it was a potluck, so you did bring a macaroni salad, but the focus seems to be the large pot of stew that one of the men is making. There's a lot of eating and laughter and sunshine, and frankly a lot of hot people in uniform. You have a good time. Even if the Captain is just a little bit glowery the whole time.

3. The Edgedancer Party

A roller skating rink! You haven't been to a roller skating rink in sooo long! You're honestly psyched. As you do your best to skate around, others glide smoothly past you, looking like they were born skating. When you take a break to eat a mediocre but nostalgic corndog, a couple of them sit with you and you get to chatting. You're just at a skating rink, eating a mediocre corndog, but somehow...you've never felt so heard. When you go back to skating, you're skating with maybe a tear in your eye.

4. The Stoneward Party

It's just a party at someone's house, where everyone brings a case of beer or a bottle of wine or a snack food, and everyone drinks out of red solo cups. But you know what the vibe is? Convivial. Like, people are waving you over to join their conversations and asking about your hobbies and at one point? Someone suggests a party game? And everyone plays? Like, it WAS a pretty competitive game of charades, but everyone seemed to be having fun the whole time.

5. The Truthwatcher Party

Their party was at a local bar and on trivia night. The party was immediately pretty boisterous--someone brings up politics, like, immediately, and then everyone is happily shouting their thoughts back and forth across the table. But when trivia time hits, the mood turns serious.

6. The Dustbringer Party

It's in the basement of a warehouse that you're pretty sure is due for demolition. Certainly, it does NOT feel particularly structurally sound and there IS a lot of, like, concrete dust and debris everywhere. But once you get downstairs--well, this is not just a party. This is a rager. There is music and alcohol and drugs if you want 'em, and people are shouting and dancing and generally having a good time. "When you're like us, you GOTTA let loose every once in a while or you go INSANE!" someone says to you at one point. "It's about release?" you say and everyone in a five-foot radius groans at the pun.

7. The Willshaper party

It's drugs. Lots of drugs. Some of them are illegal, some of them aren't, but the people here would definitely scoff if you tried to make that distinction.

8. The Elsecaller Party

Well, it certainly is a very correct party. You receive an RSVP, and it's clear that you are meant to respond. In writing. Which you do. The RSVP lets you know that the party is semiformal, and that the dinner course will begin at precisely 7pm, so you do not even try to do the whole "fashionably late" thing. You are there by 6:55. Good thing, too, because everyone else is already there. "Everyone" being Jasnah and one small, inky man. Have you ever had dinner with your dissertation advisor who is also your mom somehow? Well, then you know how this party went. You were SWEATING the whole time.

9. The Skybreaker Party

When they checked your ID at the entrance to the small event hall they had rented, you laughed and asked if they wanted to make sure you were over 21. Their expression in reply told you that this was not a joke. Inside, there is a cash bar, and some hors d'oeuvre being handed around on plates. The people inside are mostly talking about their recent accomplishments in a way that makes you feel that they are all very stressed and trying to prove something. "It's a test," says a bald man who appeared very suddenly next to you. "A test of what?" you ask, suddenly very afraid. But he is gone.

10. The Bondsmith Party

You're at a party, and it's just you and two other people. The two other people? Married. You feel like you're crashing a date. They're being very nice and you are being included in every conversation but you're also literally the third at a party with only two other people who are married. You can't help but think this would be WAY less awkward if there were just ONE more Bondsmith. But who knows if THAT will ever happen!

[rookiesbookies]

Seeing your hc of greek god!ghost made me think of how much of a disaster it'll be if he found someone he's into only for them to get cold easily and wears like 5+ layers everywhere they go

So I have bad circulation and a neurological condition that makes my extremities get very cold, which is why I believe I am qualified to write this. There’s nothing I love more than grabbing my partner with my cold fingers or touching him with my cold feet, my friends are also victims. As I write this one of my hands is ice cold and the other is a completely normal temp. Wish he was here so I could rub my hands over where he’s ticklish and make him shiver (im evil)

I had a lot of fun writing this ask, I do want to do more with this AU later so I love getting asks about it but I do need to clean up my master list😭

Fic under the cut

Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, don’t forget to leave me a comment or a request in my inbox to let me know what yall want to see!

Price was sent a younger maiden one other time. She had been just under the age he liked and he truthfully believed she would work better with someone else.

SO he delivered her to Simon’s doorstep in the underworld. Simon looked through the peep hole to see you holding a pie and a note from Price. When he opened the door and read the note (something along the lines of : she’s too young for me but seems more like your type) he tried to shut the door. Luckily for you, the future mother in law was there - Persephone was not having any of her son’s shit.

She quickly read the note herself and set you down, sending Simon to go make tea while she got a good look at you. Poor thing, so nervous, dropped on this doorstep, she wasn’t having any of it.

Then she noticed how cold your hands were and cursed her husband for giving their son such cold hands, he was always so clammy he just had to pass it on.

She quickly yelled for Simon who rushed in with the tea, telling him to start a fire.

You tried to tell her it wasn’t a problem with a nervous smile and laugh but she wouldn’t listen. So you told both you didn’t want to be a bother.

“Ya think yer cold?” Simon said sharply before grabbing your ankle with an ice cold hand from the floor where he was sitting trying to start the fire, the sudden chill made you let out a soft shriek. He giggled behind the mask.

Persephone saw that. She heard it too.

“I'm calling Hades and we’re planning the wedding!”

Simon’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“I can’t marry someone I’ve just met,” you awkwardly laughed between sips of tea.

“Well it takes time to plan a wedding, you’ll both know each other quite well by the time it comes around!”

Simon groaned, “just because you and Hades-”

“Shush!” And Simon shut up quickly.

And with that, Persephone fled the house.

“I would have thought because of how she was taken by Hades-”

“Stockholm syndrome, I'm sure of it,” Simon grumbled. Pulling off his fur cloak and throwing it over you. “I’ll sleep on the couch until I can sort this out.”

“Oh but I can’t take your bed from you-”

“Did I ask?”

You shake your head and quietly sip your tea.

Now lets time jump just a bit. Assume they both bond at some point and a month or so passes, they’re trying to cuddle, right?

There’s nothing that brings Simon more joy than torturing you with his cold hands. Making you whine and shove them under your arms to warm them.

“You’re colder than a dead body!”

“Why do ya think the lads call me Ghost, love?”

After more time, he chooses a new favorite place to warm his hands.

“Simon, we are at dinner! You can’t do that in front of others!” You hushly yelled at him.

“Come on, they’d be jealous that's all, not judgin ya!” He laughed.

“Simon this is so embarrassing,” you mumbled. His hands gently holding your tits. One hand over each.

“It’s my favorite place to warm em.” He shrugged then grumbled. “Plus Johnny made a comment about ya rack and I gotta remind him whose it is.”

You let out a whine, “your hands are so cold! I didn’t sign up for temperature play!”

He chuckles, “here, I’ll distract you. Two goldfish are in a tank-”

“You’ve told me this one so many times,” you giggled as he massaged your chest with his cold hands. You smacked his hand, “I'm only doing this to warm up your hands, this isn’t touchy time.”

He groaned in disappointment. “Price wouldn’t notice or care!”

“Oh he definitely would, especially if it was at his dinner table!”

“What are ya love birds whisperin on about?” Johnny holard from the other room.

“SHUT.” Was all Simon had to yell back.

[aquaquadrant]

Deciding to live write (react) (?) this as I'm reading this new chapter (two parts WOW, double the angst) (so part one out of two, hope that's cool). If something happens my therapist WILL be hearing about you.

The title already I'm sobbing /pos

I HATE THE WATCHERS SO MUCH OMMMGGGGG, leave them aLONE

It's very Jimmy to not like crying, I love to see it. I love when fanfic writers don't like him crying, ty.

Tango :( The RANCH, it was THEIRS, my HEART These Watchers ugghhHHHH Jimmy immediately defending Tango, please nothing else happen to them, PLEASE

Every time the watchers speak, my want to punch them grows The explanation paragraph, ugh something about it, how Jimmy doesn't immediately try to blame Tango, or just understands it well. Just bjhebwg

Bdubs being so worried for Tango, please, JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY

JIMMY DEFENDING TANGO NUMBER TWO, hate me them

Watchers ugghhe

HERMITCRAFTING BEING HIS HOME UGH IM JUST POINTING OUT EVERY LITTLE DETAIL BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SO

DELIGHTFUL, I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE SO MUCH

Okay, therapy time <3 (yes I did actually read this before my therapy appointment, this was /srs and not /j)

Therapy break over, BACK TO ANGST

Awww, Jimmy not believing Tango is evil. Love to see it.

UH OH, NOT THE TIMMY ALLUSION

Nvm not alright, Watchers need to Watch their mouths

"Pity is a suitor that won’t take a hint, no matter how many times Jimmy turns it away." Is SO good???? Excuse me??? Pity x Jimmy real ship of the htp au?? /j

Maybe I hate the watchers more than I hate Atlas, hm.

I like that they all still keep an air of lighthearted-ness about, even with Tango in such critical condition, they still are friends :)

Jimmy being okay with a scar to the face if it means Tango doesn't have to unnecessarily respawn :( /pos

This description of Tango has me thinking about that kinda old drawing that lunarcrown did of Tango back when he was chained up. Like, it's literally the first post that shows up when clicking on the chronological timeline, yeah that one, it reminds me of that one.

UGGGHHHH THE HAND ON THE CHIN GETTING A RESPONSE, NO, BAD AQUA, BAD. SOMETHINGS ARE BETTER LEFT OFF IN THE ASKS RESPONSES

WATCHERS ARE NOT HELPING (x2)

Still love Jimmy calling for SOS, like yes, smart move. I wish we could've seen what it was like for the other DL to see chat and immediately go "oh shit ???" and then see the SOS and go "OH SHIT ???"

I love Impulse <3

Ooooo, getting some more cases of this fantasy (racism? Bigotry? Bad stuff) worldbuilding

"I don’t believe that just being from there would automatically make someone evil." Nature vs nurture <3 Maybe all Bravo needed was two minutes with Impulse god DAMN

Sleepy time <3

Okay, don't like the Watchers, but the "Round two!" was funny, I'll give em that

"(You cannot sleep, there are monsters nearby.)" I- I- STOP I CAN'T LAUGH BUT OMFG

Rancher :((((((

HIS RANCHER

Let me at these Watchers, LET ME AT EM

Ugh, disassociation. As someone who's dealt with this during panic attacks, it totally tracks and breaks my heart :(

These Watchers gotTA BACK OFF, LEAVE TANGO ALONE GOD DAMN

No way Tango is tryna pull the "I'm fine" card rn, AFTER ALL THAT LMAO

Jimmy is very pretty TO ME

The collar dampening Tango's fire, metaphorically and literally, is just ugh. What's more is Jimmy likes Tango's fire, he likes the warmth Tango produces physically, and he likes the sparks of creativity and burning passion of Tango's metaphorically. And they took it away! Both ways to Sunday!!!

Na because crying on someone is such an intimate gesture. To let your heart pour out of you, no one does that to just anyone. What makes this even more important is how Jimmy cried on Tango's shoulder last chapter, and now Tango's crying on Jimmy's shoulder this chapter. They are each other's soulmate, they are their each other's ranchers. They are so important to one another and soo ughguew

Not gonna cuss this Watcher out, I'll let this sweet dreams comment slide for now.

Oooo, a peak into how they reacted to everyone joining. AND we get a look at Atlas' full username <3 Love it.

Wait Tyrannicide and Phantonym joined too?? Huh, thought as scientists they would've stayed behind. Cool to know!

I can see now why you needed all those usernames lol.

JOEL THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO LAUGH DAMNIT

Hmmm, love Scar immediately jumping into action. Oop and ofc the two scientists head out first lmao

ATLAS, WHEN I CATCH YOU ATLAS, NOT BIGB NOOOO

ATLAS, WHEN I CATCH YOU ATLAS, NOT PEARL NOOOOO

Actually really funny that ATLAS got the most kills from the Hels cast. Like, damn, pop off???? Man did more work than the ppl hired to actually do the dirty work lmao.

Wonder how difficult it was to keep up with all the names, who died then got back in, who killed who, etc.

Oop, Jimmy also noting Atlas is smarter than the average bear.

This whole paragraph talking about Bravo, yes Jimmy, drag that man. Loving how he immediately is like "dude is just like a hels player" and scoffing at the nerve of Bravo to claim to be his actual soulmate. Yes.

Head in hands, Watchers about to catch these hands.

Tango immediately wanting to get this all over with hurts. Damn, wonder if he just wants to get it over with cause he thinks they all want him gone.

"I mean, everyone knows I’m a vicious monster but I don’t have to look it, right?" UGH, Aqua you're lucky I already did my therapy time BEFORE this part, UGGGHHHHHH. I need to go back rq just to tell her this god DAMN

Welp, on to act two! Thank you so much for the wonderful reading material :)

TLDR: I hate the Watchers with a burning passion.

-🍌

what’s this?? a DETAILED LIVE BLOG of my writing for ME to read??? don’t mind if i do…

ok first off, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to write down ur thoughts and share them with me. it’s truly one of the greatest joys of being an author, and the closest i can get to experiencing my writing as if i wasn’t the one who wrote it. NOW let’s get into it…

the overarching watcher hate is so justified and hilarious, they really just exist to be the most obnoxious and toxic livestream chat ever. at least, the ones who hang around jimmy are LMAO

AHA i’m glad u liked the part abt jimmy not liking to cry, i’ve been told he’s got a bit of a prideful streak in other series that didn’t come thru as much in his double life run, so that was a little nod to it.

the ranch could not escape its destiny of being tragically burned down 🫡

(omg the therapy appointment interlude. i remember when i’ve had to pause while reading a fic to address real life business and now someone’s doing that for MY writing…. :’))) i hope the appt went well!)

this chapter was a lovely opportunity to really show jimmy stepping up for tango, with both verbal and physical reassurance. he may not know everything abt the hels situation but he knows he loves tango <3

AND YEAH YEAH THAT FIRST ART MEL DID. definitely throwing back to that w tango’s disassociated state and the collar. nice catch ;0

the chin-hand response was another throw back to old mel art, isn’t that fuuuun? ;000

IMPULSE WAS THE MVP OF THIS CHAPTER 💪😤👏

ok the watchers do get their funny moments in here and there HAH

phantonym and tyrannicide did come along! they might be scientists, but they’re as nasty as any hels player (dr l8r_h8r did, in fact, stay home to monitor the portal. he’s kinda over the whole ‘violence’ nonsense.) tango actually targeted them first bc of their lab coats.

and YUP i got a lotta good username ideas from those suggestions. and it WAS very difficult to keep track of them all thru the chat backlog. i don’t know how long i spent going thru each player’s sequence of events, one by one, JUST to make sure i hadn’t forgotten to have someone die for the last time, or show up again without a new join message.

and unfortunately for jimmy he made the classic error of “typo in the group chat.” joel did what he had to 🫡 (buuuut once he saw how serious the situation was, he decided not to push it anymore)

atlas is a clever bastard and i love that yall love to hate him 🙏 he saw a virtual ocean of wolves storming down the hill and was like “ok clearly i’m not dealing with that, so let’s see where my efforts can be better spent.” the hired grunts don’t possess that kind of critical thought 🎻

i’m SO glad you enjoyed it!! thank you again for this lovely feedback <3

[ohtobearandomftblog]

Any specific headcanons for the twin dragons of sabertooth?

i have two separate vibes/aus that change the headcanons for them but you dont get the family au that im still workin on bc im nowhere near sabertooth just yet so take this in whatever format happens as i write

birthdays literally 6 months apart to the DAY but ONLY on the years that have that extra day. leap year? they dont remember what its called

because of that and the "twin" in their duo name they just decided that fuck it that one day every like four years is their birthday. regardless that its a day after stings and six months (minus a day) before rogues

they genuinely dont remember whos older. its gotta be someone. they have no damn clue. one of them either looks older than they are or looks younger than they are and the people who bother commenting on it flip flop between em every time

yknow that dumbass "one room for opposite twins with one half all bright and bubbly and the other all dark and emo" trend? yeah thats their apartment

sting is the only one rogue cant really see much of with his shadows no matter how close or far he is. its cause o how fuckin bright he is.

rogue is the only one sting can hear without the hearing lacrima. sure its not crystal clear like his sight but he can sure understand what hes sayin eventually. he genuinely has no clue why

weisslogia and skiadrum lived really close to one another compared to all the other dragons and their slayers. whenever one loses sight of their slayer they just go to the other dragon and boom the kids are playin together in the forest

sting cant handle sleeping in pure darkness unless he sleeps next to rogue. rogue also cant handle sleeping in the light unless its right next to sting. theres a night light in their room on sting's side and rogue just pulls a hand towel over his face to block it out.

in a universe closer to canon, after jiemma nearly killed lector and sting killed jiemma, rogue tried to convince sting that maybe they should just join fairy tail at the soonest opportunity. minerva was just like jiemma and the only person who really showed they cared was yukino, who had been exiled earlier that fuckin week. sting was close to doing that after he got lector back, but then he became master instead of minerva, and suddenly they were too busy to think about joining fairy tail

after sting became master rufus and orga tried to be all buddy-buddy but rogue shot them down real fucking fast. it took many months before rufus and orga could earn the actual trust and respect of the dragon slayers and not just the "yeah i know them they joined same time as me. fuckin pompous pricks is what they are" that they always thought of them as

sting actually found frosch's egg and rogue found lector's. they were raised together but once the exceeds were able to start going on quests and were allowed out of the little hammock they slept in they had to swap primary parents. frosch was only comfortable in the dark and needed that pink frog onesie otherwise and lector was only comfortable in the light or hed get so anxious and have insomnia

sting and rogue have opposite personalities

everyone who never met them and had that as their only warning figured that oh the white dragon slayer was all bubbly and optimistic and the shadow dragon slayer was all emo and pessimistic

no

no no no no no its the EXACT opposite

sting is the one that talks about the macabre and is all "we're gonna die" 100% seriously about every little thing in a light voice and assumes the worst of everyone all the time

rogue is the one thats into shit like harajuku fashion and hello kitty and always says "of fun" to stings death talks in a serious voice and assumes the best of everyone all the time

lector. people assume hes either 100% sting or 100% rogue personality wise. no. he likes the macabre and dresses all jock n shit like sting but assumes the best of everyone like rogue

frosch is the opposite of lector. dresses all bright and bubbly but will say the most depressing shit youve ever heard

all four of them are siblings. they will beat the shit out of anyone who thinks sting and rogue are boyfriends

sting is like a toned down juvia but to natsu

rogue is like a toned down juvia but to gajeel

sting will say the most hypersexual shit to natsu half as a joke half seriously and natsu either doesnt realize it or is like "oh thats SO something i should say to lucy to make her pissed off". sting has accepted his position as the forever pining side character and he finds it hilarious

rogue will do everything he can to not speak to gajeel unless theyre both in a fight. not even to ask for a fuckin pen or somethin. the few times gajeel spoke to him (even to ask for a fuckin pen) short circuited him and he either stumbled his way to an answer or sting answered for him. hes also accepted his position as the forever pining side character but hes sad about it

after sting became master they kicked out so many assholes in sabertooth the guild was less than half of what it was in the gmg when they were done

honestly all of the new members still think rogue's the master. even when rogue specifically refers to sting as "master" so they can get in the habit of doing the same they still think people saying "master" means rogue and not sting.

sting makes fun of him for having ducklings

rogue makes fun of him for making him have ducklings since sting was the one that assigned him the position of "showing newbies around"

sting just laughs

[ddejavvu]

stop im thinking abt the transition between platonic to romantic puppy!steddie

like maybe they know from the start that they like u more than just platonically, but they can’t help but skip over the whole confession thingy and get straight onto doting over you (and each other)

like eddie’ll get too excited when kissing Steve one time and he shoves his tongue too far so Steve naturally just crawls to u for comfort bc he’s just spoiled by you at this point when he’s all pouty and fake annoyed, and Eddie - bless him - looks like a (forgive the expression) kicked puppy. so Steve’s in ur lap throwing a pity party hoping for some precious coddling from u and u reach over for eddie too and it’s like his eyes flash up with a golden ticket handed to him bc obviously this means that you finally worked up the courage to want his kisses even if Steve’s pouting over em. and he plants one on you so Steve’s like ?? THIS is part of the comfort package cmere cmere cmere and it’s all super sweet bc here you have two pretty pups just heart eyed and tails going 50 mph cus they got to give u a kissy (shutup shutup shutup if they think it’ll get you to be sweet and give them another kiss, they WILL call it a kissy).

the idea of kisses and what they think it shows could be such a sweet origin tho. like imagine they watch tv or see some mutual friends (in my eyes it has to be human nance and SOMEONE else that’s human) kiss and they think it’s the epitome of showing affection, and maybe they get a bit downtrodden or pouty sometimes when they notice you’ve never kissed them like that and through like, a show or smthn you all like watching, they realise that oh you gotta wait for a sign!! to be able to kiss like that!! love love love the idea that there have been like, almost kisses. almost kisses are so cute and it’s so obvious that you wanna kiss them too but it’s just.. ur platonic? :] right? :]

until eds needs to slobber into someone’s mouth and if steves being a baby abt it, and ur reaching for him, then he can kiss you!! <3

send me more poly!puppy!steddie thoughts!! / hybrid au faq

anon. the love of my life. sorry this took me a fair amount of time to answer, i got it the second you sent it and i haven't stopped re-reading it since!! it's sososososo sweet and i need it 😭 i def wanna write a fic on this now!!

--

no bc eddie is always too lovey for steve - he likes affection, he really does, but he likes gentle affection, and sometimes eddie's too excited for that - he'll let eddie drool all over him all he wants but sometimes he wants a sweet little kiss on the cheek so he mopes into your lap and looks up at you with sweet puppy eyes just begging for one. his face is all slobbery and drooly and you wipe it away and press a soft little kiss to his forehead :(

eddie's so distraught. you wiped away his kisses :( those were for steve :( but he sees that steve's all pouty and he gets considerably less pouty when you scatter little kisses all over his face - and so he thinks maybe he needs to start doing that too!

you offer him a hand and he's seeing heaven rn.. he's included? He s a part of this?? fuck yeah! he doesn't know which of you to kiss first, he's so excited. he goes for you, though, because clearly steve needs a break. man he lays the fattest kiss on you you swear you nearly pass out - you don't even have eddie's tongue out of your mouth before steve's trying to jam his in there too </3 he's tugging at the front of your shirt griping to eddie about sharing and suddenly your friends are not in your lap your boyfriends are in your lap and they are kissing the living daylights out of you <33333

i think you'd give eddie some kissing lessons! not makeout lessons, god knows he doesn't need to know anymore about that, he's got it down. but you have to make sure he knows that sometimes steve wants little pecks on the cheek and not a mouthful of drool - it consists of you and eddie sitting beside each other on the bed and steve sitting with one leg in each of your laps - he's sort of straddling the gap between you if you know what i mean? and you take turns pressing soft little kisses to his cheeks and he blushes so hard. he's got a dumb little smile on his face and eddie only bites his blushy cheeks a few times but eventually he gets the hang of containing his excitement to where steve'll lay in his lap now and he just bends over and smooches all over his face <3333

and yes!! if eddie's in the mood to be messy you and steve are his goal!! if steve isn't feeling it he'll plop himself right down in your lap and kiss away, tail going a million miles an hour especially if you scratch at his ears :'))

no i shit you not they see ronance kiss or maybe jonathan lays one on her before he leaves the room at a movie night and they look at each other like :0 later eddie goes for your lips 'cause he doesn't realize that it's not really casual like that (or at least, that you two are not intimate enough to do that) and you turn your head to the side so that he catches your cheek just because you think it's poor aim on his part </3 he's so sad!!!! genuinely mopes around for the rest of the night and you can't tell why but you dote on him while he's curled up pitifully at your side under the covers. it takes a lot of ear scratches and cheek kisses and face-smushes (exactly what they sound like. smush your face into his.) but eventually his tail thumps against the bed before he drifts off <3 luckily the next day steve catches a segment of a sitcom where a woman freaks out after her coworker kisses her and she basically spells it out for him and he runs to eddie like dude. we had it all wrong.

but that just means they're constantly striving to get to that point with you!! telling you how much they looove you, how pretty you are, how perfect the food you're making for them is: they turn into walking praise machines and it's only a matter of time until they butter you up enough to where you start wondering if they're still thinking of you as just their best friend <333

[gamerbearmira]

Alma...vampire...sad :(

GUYS WHAT IF. THR SAD AGAIN :((( no but uhhhh thus idea has been stuck in my head. Gotta do more for this au. Maybe some HB later, idk. Definitely working on writing and some art, its just taking a while 😭 Writing wise, I'm probably going to also post some Giant Siren (Alma and Antonio), and then some magical precure au because I found art that I just??? Hadn't shared i'm pretty sure.

Anyyywayyy. I love Alma but. Where's the fun and letting her be happy? Lets throw some more angst at her!!!!1!1!1!

LEA GEA IT

-----

Alma held Antonio, staring out the window. Her eyes were unfocused, glazed almost, as she sat in that chair, staring at the moon. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. She had lost track of time.

This was because of her. All of just like how Pedro's death was her fault. If she had been more careful if she hadn't been exposed...

Then maybe that stake wouldn't have pierced Pedro's heart. Maybe it would've pierced hers. They would've had a chance at a normal life.

And she thought she was careful. She helped lead the village, the one place she thought she and her children would be safe. And while none of them, and originally, none of her grandchildren had been affected...somehow someone found out. Someone spread rumors, spread lies. She wasn't a monster, at least...she wasn't trying to be. She was trying to survive in a cruel world that hated people, creatures, like her.

And Alma's family had suffered the consequences. It was her and her nietos now. And she would do anything to protect them. Just like how many others like her would do the same. And even if that meant changing them, taking those poor children, and turning them into monsters like her, then so be it. Whatever it took to keep them alive...or at least on this Earth with her. She just couldn't bear to see them suffer anymore than they had to.

Alma turned her head, looking towards the interior of the room. She had brought them to the room just above her own. It was the only safe place right now. Because not even the nursery was sade. Well, it probably was, but she couldn't leave them alone there. at least here she could watch them. Watch them with tears in her eyes as their cherubic faces contort in pain and suffering because of her. Their bodies curled in on themselves as they barely handled what was happening to them. But she had to. It was the only way.

The centuries-old woman heard gentle cooing, and she looked down at the baby in her arms. He was curled close, and his eyes began to open. His eyelids fluttered. Alma held back choked sobs as she looked at Antonio.

His eyes were red, a deep shade of red, rather than the dark brown they used to be. He blinked up curiously at his abuela, his tiny hand gripping her now shaky finger. He pouted for a moment, squirming in discomfort. She immediately knew what was wrong, she had expected it.

She a solemn laugh, and she held him closer, cooing gently. "Are you hungry mi vida?" Alma said softly and Antonio simply babbled softly, holding her finger a bit tighter. Alma stood, her black shawl draped over her shoulders as she practically glided across the room, her footsteps gentle and quiet. "Your siblings and primas will awaken soon. Let's go get them some bl-...em, food, and some for you too, hm?"

Antonio snuggled closer to Alma, ellicting a sad laugh from her. For the first time in a while, she left the room, though she couldn't help but glance back. Hopefully this time, she would be able to keep them safe this time. She wouldn't fail. She couldn't. Not a third time.

-----

You know what they say 3rd times a charm :DD I'm just kidding but seriously. The grandkids in this au are a little sheltered (as are a lot of other vampire kids, like Mariano). Not even cause of them sunburn, but because of what happened to Alma and the adults and. Her being paranoid for a while. At least until Antonio got a lil older.

Also??? Debating on whether to keep this in canon time (mid 1900s) or. Throw it back a few centuries for the sake of. ☆Fashion☆ and redesigns and wanting to make Alma really mf old. Idk, what do y'all think????

OKKKK MORE TOMORROW. OR LATER IN MY CASE ITS 12 AM <33

MY HEART WANTS ALMA AND THE MADRIGALS TO BE HAPPY. BUT PROMISE BY LAUFEY AND MY MIND SAYS NO.

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

I went to Meow Wolf in Denver today, and because it's themed on a station that leads you to a planet made up of four other planets that smashed into each other because of inter-dimensional whatnot, it got me thinking about some of my sci-fi based aus on this account.

And considering the first place you go to when you get off the elevator is into a local port that kinda reminds me of when Ten took Martha to New Earth, I decided to write something up for my au where the Doctor is traveling with Arthur from Passengers.

Warning: weird alien nonsense, it's not really a safe place but Ten and Arthur can defend themselves, stabbing, Arthur has cool robot spider legs because reasons (gr1d, I'm stealing from you)

On with the fic!

--

"Here we go!" The Doctor threw open the doors, grinning as he jumped out of the TARDIS. "Welcome to Port 8!"

Arthur slipped out of the TARDIS and frowned, glancing around at his surroundings. "It's... certainly different from what I'm used to."

The area around them was the complete opposite from Arthur's original home. It was filthy, grungy, someone's laundry was out on display on a clothes line, including a bra with multiple cups for it, and it smelled like something might have died while smoking something strong.

The Doctor shrugged. "It's got its charms! And the best place in all of the galaxy to get street tacos! Oooh, I am very excited to get some of those!"

"I don't eat." Arthur commented.

"I know, but still! And there's a bar I'd like to take you to, I'm sure you'll find it enjoyable to be a snob. Oh, don't look at me like that, Arthur, you know you love being superior."

Arthur did not reply to that, just straightened his bow tie and clicked his metal feet on the street as he walked past the Doctor. "Show me where to go."

The Doctor grinned and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking alongside the android as they passed people of all shapes, sizes, colors, flesh, and appendages. This was a very busy port, one that had quite the doozy of an incident centuries ago where it seemed to have been the subject of a universal one-of-a-kind phenomenon where several planets congealed together into a strange place that left you lost for hours but feeling like you were in a fun house.

And also making you a bit sick from all the neon colors.

Still, the Doctor liked coming here, you could find the most interesting things!

He walked past two aliens who looked oddly like Sularians, before suddenly being yanked into a strange room by the back of his jacket. That was the thing about this place, it had hidden doors all over and if you knew where they were, you knew where they were.

And if you didn't...

Well...

You end up in a situation like this.

The Doctor hissed as he was slammed into a wall, blinking past the paid to see a weird hallway, covered in what looked like thousands of posters and stickers and blinking lights. And red splatters of varying degrees of age.

There was an alien before him, tentacled and slimy, and reminding the Doctor way too much of a nasty one he and Donna had the misfortune of dealing with twice.

"Look, if you think you're gonna get money off me, it's pointless!" The Doctor shrugged. "I don't carry cash on me! Or credit sticks!"

He tried to smile, but that only angered the alien more. "Don't seem like the type not to have credits, or mems."

"Oooh, you can't exactly get those off me, way too many, way too hard to sort through, would upset some of my past selves if we did that." The Doctor completely forgot about mems, or memories, some of the locals used those as currency. It was not always a fun way to pay for things, but if you were low on credits, it helped.

"Someone paradin' around all snazzy in a suit's gotta have somethin' on 'em." The alien snarled, baring blunt teeth that looked like they'd break bones.

"I'm telling you, I- hey! Get your tentacles out of my pockets!" The Doctor shouted, letting out a squeak when he was suddenly grabbed by more tentacles, his arms locked in place, and one slapped across his mouth.

Uhg! Disgusting!

"Shut it, or you won't have ta add to the art here." The alien held up a nasty looking knife with another tentacle.

The Doctor squirmed, trying to free himself. He wondered if Arthur was aware that he was missing, he hoped that Arthur was looking for him. The tentacles in his pockets felt like they were going deeper and deeper, pocket dimension pockets were so helpful, but that still had him worried.

Then they attention was both drawn to the door, where there was a sound, and the Doctor watched as it seemed to move, like someone was trying to tear the secret door from the wall.

And then it was torn right from the wall, with Arthur standing there, and a few startled aliens behind him.

He threw the door out onto the street, getting shouts and warbled complaints from others out of view. He dusted his hands and put them in front of himself. "Excuse me, but what are you doing to my friend?"

"None of your business, get outta here!" The alien yelled.

The Doctor shouted from behind the tentacle, kicking and flailing his legs. The alien growled and turned, moving to stab at the Doctor with the knife.

But Arthur was fast, much faster on those new legs of his.

He was there just as the knife dropped, and struck him in the shoulder. The sound of metal scrapping metal was terrible and the alien hissed.

"How rude, this is my favorite jacket." Arthur huffed and grabbed the tentacle, gripping it tighter, and tighter, and...

The alien howled in pain as there was a horrible, wet sound, a nasty looking liquid spilled from between Arthur's fingers. He pulled away from Arthur and something purple and squirmy dropped to the ground, moving about on the ground.

With another hiss, one of anger and fear, the alien rushed away, down the other end of the hallway. Arthur looked bothered by the fluid on his hand and the Doctor, now free and wiping at his mouth with a handkerchief from his pocket, handed it over.

"Thank you." Arthur said as he cleaned up the mess, then looked up at the Doctor. "What happened?"

"Got grabbed and pulled into one of the many secret hallways and locations around here, was threatened for money."

"I see. You're lucky I noticed you vanished." He handed over the rag, which the Doctor pocketed it.

"And I'm grateful for that but... how'd you find me?"

Arthur sighed at the tear in his shoulder after he yanked out the knife and tossed it aside. "I may or may not have had the TARDIS put a tracking device on you so I could know where you wandered off to."

"Ah, I see." The Doctor nodded, then stopped, eyes wide. "You did what!?"

--

Look, Arthur seems like the type who would have the TARDIS do this because the Doctor may complain about the companions wandering off, but they're just as bad (if not worse).

The tentacled alien is based on one from an audio story (Time Reaver) and from a book (In The Blood).

A lot of the weird stuff I talked about, hidden doors and such, those were at Meow Wolf, lots of weird shit. I found a room full of bones and teeth in jars. And a terrifying pizza place.

[henrystars]

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💜

i barely have five steddie fics to my name at this point so i had to switch it up a bit and include some oooooold 1d babies that i’m still rather fond of 🫶🏼

1. I Know It’s Always Been You (Just Gotta Get Home Soon) 50k; steddie (stranger things)

aka the snapshot fic. a passion project many, many years in the making and (thus far) the longest thing i’ve written by a long shot. twenty one short chapters chronicling snapshot moments through steve and eddie’s relationship based on this tumblr post.

2. You’re Cold and I Burn 4k; steddie (stranger things)

a little thing that i wrote for @leftofus based on somebody else by the 1975. angsty as fuck with a deliciously sad beginning, middle and end. just how i like ‘em.

3. I Got a Feeling This Year’s for Me and You 12k; steddie (stranger things)

christmas fic that i wrote for lex’s winter fic challenge last year based on the prompt “i know you hate the holidays but…” also known as the short little thing that got wildly out of hand and turned out to be a bitch of a thing to write but was worth it in the end. nice and angsty to start with the sappiest ending known to man.

4. You Feel Like Home (You're Like a Dream Come True) 16k; narry (one direction)

wedding plus one fake dating au of my dreams that i wrote as a birthday present for someone i used to be friends with way back in my 1d days. also, the last 1d fic i ever wrote (rip). it was also, however, repurposed and tweaked into my first ever steddie fic.

5. Tangled Up In Blue 19k; larry (one direction)

childhood besties turned distant friends who are thrust back together in less than ideal circumstances when they end up holidaying together alone for a week in the same place they used to spend summers as kids. talks are had, feelings are shared and, as always, lovers made. also the fic that first made me think i was actually a good writer, despite it being one of the last i ever wrote before taking a huge break.

[meeludrawz]

It's not your baby - Part 1

My TMNT au doesn't have an actual name ANYWHO *Ahem* I was bored so I'm writing this little thing hereuh (I'm also writing it the way I imagined it in my head so don't u dare say I have bad grammar or shit like that, I know, I did it on purpose lmao) ------------------------------------------------------------

"I have good news but also bad news" Donnie walked out of his lab/room. "Which one do you want?" His brothers were all standing in the middle of the lair. Leo took some steps forward before Mikey could even open his mouth. "Bad news first" He answered Donnie while putting a hand on Mikey's shoulder to reassure him. "Elina needs a c-section as soon as possible-" "WHAT?!" Mikey interrupted Donnie by running to him and grabbing his shoulders. "IS SHE OKAY?! IS THE BABY OKAY?!" He shook his older purple brother before turning around. "What's a c-section?" "You've gotta be fucking stupid" Raph sighed in annoyance. "It's another way to get the baby out of the stomach, it's some kind of surgery" Leo explained as much as he could so Mikey could understand. "Not exactly that but yeah, I guess" Nodded Donnie as he thanked Leo, with a nod. "Anyways, as I was saying, Elina needs a c-section as soon as possible or else that will put both her and the baby in danger" "Then what are you waiting for? Save 'em" Raph added, raising a brow. The purple-masked turtle hesitated. "What's wrong?" Asked Leo after seeing the look on his brother's face.

"I can't just open her stomach like that! There are multiple procedures and I'm not an obstetrician!" "A what" Raph and Mikey asked simultaneously, confused. Donnie looked at their leader and even Leo looked confused so he facepalmed "It's the guy who does the surgery" he groaned.

"But- But dude you know lots!" Mikey started, trying to find some examples. "You saved Leo's life!" He couldn't find anything else. "You saved us so many times!" Facing Donatello, he looked down. "Can't you save them? For me?" "Mikey, it's dangerous! I could kill them both, I never did this before! I'm sorry Mikey but I just can't do anything to save them both"

Some tears started to form in Mikey's eyes. His older brothers instantly saw them. "Mike.." The orange-masked turtle raised his face towards Donnie. "Save both of them!!" He begged as he cried. "We're NINJAS Don!! We SAVE LIVES" "Ninjas are heroes Mikey!! Not doctors!!" The two of them got a little bit too close to each other. Luckily, Elina was under a sedative, their voices wouldn't wake her up.

"Doctors are heroes too!! They save lives too!! Why can't you do it?! Why can't you see that there is no difference?!" Mikey, out of rage, pushed Donnie. Raph and Leo gasped in worry. Donnie was also shocked but flames were burning in his eyes, he was pissed. "Okay that's enough" The leader tried to separate them before it was too late. But they didn't listen, Donnie pushed back his younger brother. "I said enough!" Once again, the younger brothers didn't listen and they started fighting each other. Leo threw a glance at Raph and they both immediately separated the younger two. "HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS?! THAT'S MY BABY IN THERE!!" Mikey screamed as the tears were flooding his face. "THAT'S NOT YOUR BABY!!" The room immediately fell silent. Mikey, Raph and Leo's eyes widened in shock. Raph and Leo let go of the younger ones and the orange-masked turtle stormed out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------- Who wants part 2? I want part 2, you'll get part 2 Also, it's not cuz Donnie doesn't wanna but because he's scared. He never "opened" someone's belly before, ya know? He knows that if he fucks up, he knows it'll affect Mikey. (Mostly if it kills Elina and her baby)

Elina Watson belongs to me and can be first seen >here&lt;

Also Leo, Raph and Donnie still don't get how the frick Mikey has a girlfriend AND a kid before any of them Raph didn't step in at first because damn, Mikey and Donnie fighting? 👁️👄👁️🍿  And Leo.. Well, he was shocked to even see his younger brother acting like an adult so he just kinda froze

@ackalice Might interest u? Idk sorry for the ping ^^''

[aceouttatime]

Hello, I have come with a few-- not too many just this list here-- questions about the man Sylvan, please please. <3

First, I would love to know just the basics of him and his situation. Age, height (if shrunk, before and after shrink would be lovely), job, general personality and things. What are his flaws/damages that he/the story wants to change or heal? Where do we really get to meet him in his story? What happened before that, did something major lead him here or is something major about to happen? Do you just kind of focus on the one story/life of Sylvan or do you have AUs? Would love to know a bit of the setting(s)!

I'll leave it there for now and then come back with more questions and/or follow ups whenever you have time to answer and I have time to send an ask again <3

Much love to ur face, Belle <3

Hello, dearie! Thank you for your, in all honesty, frighteningly intense interest in my blorbo, Sylvan--it both warms my heart and concerns me just a little haha <3

The Rundown "So, I'll start. My name is Sylvan Okeanoú, and I am a private investigator working for the NYCPD. As we've discussed, and is evident by the fact that I'm standing on your desk, I've been through hell and back in the past twelve hours." -Mr. S. Okeanoú, 2023 Sylvan (he, him, his) is ~31 years old, 6'1, and is probably too smart for his own good. To answer your question, yes, he does end up a bit shorter after a series of unfortunate mishaps that I'll definitely highlight when I actually get around to writing his story. Specifically, he ends up around 4 inches tall, and I can say with certainty that the lad will *not* have a good time with that (at least at first). So, yes, he ends up quite liddol :)))

Flaws n' General Aims of Story Ok, so Syl's most significant flaws are probably his independence and his ego, both of which stem from his upbringing (bits and pieces will probably be revealed throughout the story) and his intrinsic need to prove his worth. His job suits his perfectionism and feeds into his...sliiight...superiority complex. Even so, behind all that cold curtness and false bravado is a severely neglected, softer side riddled with anxiety and distrust that has led to a sense of belonging and loneliness. The story I plan to tell will focus mainly on him opening up and letting himself be okay with reliance on others. Perhaps he doesn't have to be the strong one all the time. It's been a struggle for him to be vulnerable throughout his life, and learning to trust someone in the face of forced vulnerability might bring out a new side of him. Gotta break that toxic machismo somehow--sorry, I don't make the rules, I just break 'em for story purposes XD

Story Framework Well, beyond it being a G/t story, the big, kind of *genre* it falls into is a modern-day detective plot. Okeanoú and his colleagues have been investigating a series of disappearances that have happened over the course of about a year now, consistently coming up empty-handed in terms of new leads. Things are tense, his reputation plummeting, and funding is drying up. If Syl doesn't pull something together soon, more people will get hurt, and all of his hard work will have been for nothing. That low point is where we meet him: desperate for a lead, drunk on lack of sleep, caffeine, and cheap spirits, and even more of a short-tempered prick than he is typical. He finds a strange note, however, that changes everything and kicks off what could be described as the worst month of his life. ;)

AU Shenanigans HMMM...alright, I'll let you in on a secret that's not really much of a secret. I have a University!AU that was originally going to be his main story, but I've since decided didn't have the stakes I was aiming for. It still exists in the recesses of my and @imvenusasaboy 's minds, and we talk about it occasionally. If you've heard me talk about Vir or Viri, that's the universe it was set in. I may do something more with it later, but for now, it's on the mental backburner. I have a good writing buddy that's helped me flesh out some of my ideas for the story, as well as a few very important characters--I'd give her a better shoutout, but she doesn't have a Tumblr, sadly. So, here, thank you fatraccoons for your lovely help! You're a saint <3 Other than that, he's not featured in much else. I do a bunch of artwork of him because I'm a goofball who enjoys pretty men with long hair.

Anywho, that's about it! Thank you bunches for your questions and just being a sweetheart in general! I love your work, and I love you loads, Belle <3 Your friendly-neighborhood-littleman, Alex P.S. Take this Sylvan painting as a lil sneak peak :)

[stormbreaker101]

The Contest of Champions (Intertwined AU)

The Magnificent Seven have all joined their new captain, Owen, in piracy. In their journeying across the Spiral, the Eagles of Aquila strike at their pride, calling them not real heroes. The Seven resolve to do whatever it takes to prove the Eagles wrong, and maybe relive their true glory days as a team and family again.

I started writing this for @destiny-moonforge a little over a month ago (Owen is their OC in their personal Pirate101/OCverse, the Intertwined AU). i finished it last night and couldn’t post it to tumblr because I was on the verge of passing out.

Content Warnings: Canon-typical violence, canon-atypical gore (descriptions of wounds, blood)

Word Count: 10332. Yea, it’s a doozy.

“CAPTAIN!” Billy the Kid’s voice burst from the docks of Nova Aquila. “THE EAGLES ARE SHITTALKIN’ YA!”

Owen put down their coil of rope and hopped from the ship’s deck. “THEY’RE WHAT!?” they shouted.

“SHITTALKIN’!” Billy repeated. He ran up to them, panting. “So, we’re in the tavern tellin’ the Eagles about our own escapades, y’know, trading stories from legend to legend an’ all that, and— get this— they say we weren’t any of us heroes! NONE!”

“No!” Owen gasped. They knew the Eagles of Aquila were rude, cocky, self-centered assholes, but this was a new low!

“YES!” Billy insisted. “You, me, us, Wyatt, none of us! All that we’d done here with their Trojan War, also nothin’! Why, if I weren’t with the others I’d whoop every one of ‘em turkeys for saying that!”

“They’d deserve it,” Owen muttered.

Billy closed his eyes and took a few breaths through gritted teeth. He was gettin’ too riled up about this. He’s gotta be a lil’ bit hinged if he wants to be a hero— and a good model t’ Owen and Timmy. “Wild Bill told me to get some fresh air so I didn’t direc’ly explode in the tavern. But the way I sees it, he’s gonna have to tell off Buffalo and Jane too. We’re all pissed! An’ rightly so. So! What’cha say we go an’ show those big-beaked ninnies what kinda heroes we really are?”

“You’re not thinking of starting a fight, are you?” Owen asked.

“HEAVENS no!” Billy burst. “I’m supposed ta’ be respectable. They already call us barbarians, we don’ need to be called taverntossers too! I’m jus’ thinkin’ the birds might listen to us more if all of us were there. Maybe they don’ believe we’re really the Magnificent Seven because in there we’re six- Five. We’re five cuz Wild told me to step out. God they’re gonna believe ‘em less now!” He stomped his hoof in frustration. Damn it, Wild! In tryin’ to diffuse the situation he only made it worse!

“Well let’s not waste a second!” Owen shouted. They grabbed Billy’s hand and rushed off to the tavern.

~

Billy kicked the door open. The rest of the Seven turned their heads at Billy’s loud entrance. The other taverngoers turned their heads as well.

“That’s the last of the Seven?” someone asked. “That’s hardly a child!”

Owen’s grip tightened in Billy’s hand. Gods dammit, they weren’t a child. They were sixteen and had hella babyface. Everyone’s judgemental gazes shot through Owen like bullets.

“I feel ya, bud,” Billy murmured, so just Owen would hear. They were crushin’ his hand now but Billy had come to understand the gesture as I need support. He wouldn’t deny Owen that support. He’s gotta be there for ‘em. He looked out to the rest of the Seven. Jane waved him over. Billy nodded. “Hey, let’s head over to the rest of ‘em, yea? I think Jane’s got an idea.”

Owen nodded.

The Seven were seated around a table in a small alcove. The tavengoers’ gazes burned at the back of Owen's head. “What’s going on?” they asked.

“Billy’s probably told you everything you need for context,” Wild Bill said.

“For obvious reasons, we can’t let their insults stand,” Buffalo Bill said. “Especially not that they insulted you to your face now! And they dare to call us the rude barbarians. Preposterity!”

“Nothing we say seems to convince them that we’re heroes, so there’s gotta be something we can do instead,” Jane said.

“But even helpin’ in Troy wasn’t good enough, remember?” Billy brought up to the group. “Their own damn happenings here in Aquila that we lent our hands to, and all the glory goes to one o’ their own instead!”

“It seems there’s no pleasing them,” Barklementizov worried. His mouth was in a strained little frown. He didn’t like leaving this unresolved, but he couldn’t see a solution himself.

Owen racked their head for an idea. “They refuse to listen… their standards too high… Why don’t we ask them what we could do to prove it? Get their standards right from them, and hold them to their word?”

The rest of the Seven looked at each other. Indeed, why hadn’t they tried to ask? It was such a simple solution, but one they all overlooked in the moment. Duck was the first to break the silence. “Why don’t we, indeed?” He stood on the table and cleared his throat. It was different from his usual coughs, louder and with more voice behind them, but he held his hand over his beak anyway. He spoke to the entire tavern. “Gentlemen, you’ve heard our tales-” koff- “and you deem us not heroic enough. Is there anything that we could do, so that-” koff koff- “my friends are heroic enough for y’all?” 

The tavern fell quieter than Owen imagined possible. Well, that’s their huckleberry alright. A skilled weaver with words, and gentle but sturdy in tone, even with his chronic coughs breaking up his sentences. An orator, that’s a word Owen’s heard floating around the marble and cobble central square of Nova Aquila.

“Well, there’s the Contest of Champions,” someone at a table Owen couldn’t see said.

Barkle gasped. “I’ve read of the Contest of Champions! It’s the peoples’ variant of the legendary Olympic Games,” he explained to the rest of the Seven.

“Are you kidding?” a second stranger’s voice asked. “There’s no way in Tartarus that Pindar will let them in!”

“And that’s the person we gotta talk to to get in,” Jane pieced together.

“The Contest starts at noon. It’s far too late for any new contestants to enroll!” a third Eagle added.

“It’s not noon yet, is it?” Billy asked the crowd.

“No, but-”

“So what you’re saying is there’s still time,” he finished up.

“Owen, do you want to do this?” Wild Bill asked. He didn’t want to force Owen into any sort of clout-chasing contest. He knew the Magnificent Seven were heroes enough; they didn’t need to prove themselves to people who wouldn’t appreciate them. But, he wouldn’t say no outright. Owen deserved to choose.

“Of course I do!” Owen answered. They appreciated Wild Bill checking in, but to suggest they wouldn’t want to prove how heroic their family was and to show these jerks up would be an insult to their character had it come from anyone else! “To Pindar we go!”

~

Pindar, an older Eagle with graying feathers and a heavier toga, was standing by the gates to Nova Aquila’s busy docks, looking out to the skyway.

Buffalo Bill called out to him, his voice running faster than the Magnificent Seven themselves. “PINDAR!”

Pindar turned around. He looked at the seven foreigners. “Yes? How can I help you, sirs?”

“We’d like to join the Contest of Champions!” Owen spoke up.

“The Contest of Champions?” Pindar repeated, tilting his head. “Oh, you haven’t missed it, yet. This year’s winners will be announced in but a few hours, and the play-by-play within the week. Partake in the city’s wonders in the meantime.”

“We’d like to join the Contest of Champions,” Wild Bill repeated. He emphasized the ‘to join’, in case Pindar’s ears were beginning to fail him in old age.

“What?” Pindar asked. He looked the group over. He saw them as a handful of birdfolk (though none Eagle), one person who seemed a blend of human and bug, a vampire immune to sunlight, and two particularly rude-looking people with fur instead of feathers. “Oh, you all must be quite new around here. Only the finest heroes of Aquilan blood, kin to the Immortals themselves, can compete in the Contest. They’re the only ones who would have any chance to win the Contest and bear its Prize. In fact, I suspect there’d be a rule against foreigners competing in the first place.”

“I see how it is. Hiding behind your uptight rules then, are we?” Buffalo Bill challenged.

“Why?” Billy goaded. “You scared we’d show you featherbrains up?”

“There should be a first time for everything, don’t’cha think?” asked Jane. “Why not let us try?”

“This Contest could be something extraordinary if we participate!” Barkle suggested. “Let us match our wits and hands against your best and brightest! It would be a spectacular thing to watch, a new marvel, perhaps on the level of the legendary Olympic Games!”

“And, if we fail as you think we’re destined to-” koff- “it would make your heroes shine even brighter in contrast,” Duck mentioned, appealing to Pindar’s preconceptions.

Pindar stroked his feathered beard. “I suppose exceptions could be made, rules could be bent, favors could be had.” He looked at the wax tablet in his hands. “Our victory wreaths are yet to be delivered from Sparta, I suspect the Vulture Raiders plundered them. If you could fetch them for us, it would be enough of a favor to let you in.”

“So we fetch your wreaths, and you let us compete?” Owen asked, to make extra sure they were hearing Pindar correctly.

“Yes,” Pindar agreed.

“Then it’s a deal,” Owen promised. “How many wreaths?”

Pindar read over his tablet. “Eight crates of them.”

“We’ll be right on it!”

~

The Magnificent Seven all went down to the docks, where Owen’s main ship, the Silver Moth, floated. “Can you tell the rest of the crew what’s up? Muster on the docks? I gotta find our other ship,” Owen asked as they climbed aboard.

A chorus of “Yes”s and “Sure thing”s and other agreements rang from the adults as Owen rushed to their cabin. The cabin was a bit of a mess, by most peoples’ standards, but it was a mess Owen could navigate as deftly as the many skyways they had sailed in. Eventually, they found the other ship, the Santo Oro, in its neat little bottle. Owen rarely used the Santo Oro for many reasons, but it was undeniably a good ship. If part of the crew ran the Santo Oro while the other part manned the Silver Moth, they could be twice as efficient in raiding the Vulture Raiders back. “Divide and conquer”, as the strategy’s called.

Ship bottle in hand, Owen flew out to the docks. The crew had all gathered, and though the Seven had told the rest of the pirates about what was up, they still waited for their captain’s word. There’s a situation, what’re the Silver Moths all gonna do about it?

Owen wasn’t the best at public speaking. They’d never be cut out for ambassador business; it’s a good thing they’re only a pirate captain. “So, we’ve gotta fight the Vulture raiders for something the Eagles want. It’ll let us get into the Contest of Champions. It might be quicker if we take both ships at the same time.” They held up the Santo Oro’s bottle, then tossed it down.

Subodai caught the glass bottle and handed it to Ratbeard in one quick motion. He didn’t even consider keeping the ship for himself. Owen knew why; Subodai's great at many things, but sailing wasn’t one of them.

Ratbeard popped the bottle’s cork and the skiff appeared next to the Silver Moth. “More grocery shoppin’ fer the blasted birds,” he kvetched.

“It’s either grocery shopping or not doing the contest entirely,” Wild Bill said. “And the second is hardly an option anymore.”

“Right, right, yer pride’s all been wounded, I get it,” Ratbeard said. He climbed aboard the Santo Oro. “But do ye really have to do this?! I say gettin’ the birds what they want’s more woundin’ than lyin’ down!”

“It’s been a while since we’ve done some good old raiding, Vermi,” Catbeard pointed out. “It’ll be fun pirating together again.” He hustled aboard the ship with Ratbeard.

“Yeah, yeah, th’only reason it’s been a while’s because we had to bust yer ass outta jail, kitty!” He rolled his eye at Catbeard and gave a crooked half-smile. So the banter was all in good fun, probably.

Jane nudged Billy in the side. “You know who they remind me of?”

“Who?” Billy asked.

“Duck and Big Bill.”

Billy made a face like he’d just eaten a lemon whole. “You’re kiddin’! They’re nothin’ like ‘em!”

Jane laughed. “Oh, they are, alright. Maybe you’ll see it when you’re older.” She patted him on the back. “C’mon, we’ve got work to do.”

~

The sun steadily climbed in the sky as the crew fought a handful of the vultures’ ships. Though the Silver Moths had just a fleet of two ships, their teamwork softened up the other ships like butter. Owen would board the other ships and ask to search for the crates of laurels. “That’s all I’m looking for. We can be chill,” they would assure. And when the vulture pirates decided to not be chill back and try to attack Owen, then the rest of the crew would get involved.

The crates soon began to stack up. By the time the eighth crate was recovered, the sun was firmly overhead. 

“That’s all of them,” Buffalo Bill confirmed, counting them up.

“Finally!” Billy exclaimed. “Let’s get ta’ competin’!”

“Say, Barkle, you seem to know more about the contest than the rest of us,” Wild Bill said. “D’you happen to know what’t’ll ask of us?”

Barklementizov shook his head. “I can’t remember. I only know the general layout; three events, and the competitors are scored on how well they do in them. The winner is the person with the best score after all three.”

“Three events under one Contest,” Duck realized. “We have signed up for more than we bargained for. Well-” koff- “let the games begin, I say.”

~

The Seven rushed to Pindar. Owen took the lead, their wings abuzz. Barklementizov and Buffalo Bill were right beside them, keeping up. Billy was right behind, constantly looking back at Calamity and Wild Bill (and Holliday too, as much as Billy still wanted to keep mental distance from ‘im) and telling them to keep up. The three slowpokes were reserving their energy; they’d need it for the coming events, why waste it on a short mad dash?

“PINDAR!” Owen called, waving their arm high so Pindar could see them from a distance. “We got the laurels! The rest of my family’s unloading them right now at the docks, if you wanna get 'em. It’s too much for us to carry to you directly.” As they spoke, they made it right up to Pindar himself. The rest of the Seven followed in 

Pindar nodded and checked off something on his tablet. “Well done. You lot may have the makings of a hero, after all.”

“More like the makings of your damn errandboys,” Billy scoffed, mostly to himself but still aloud.

“Billy, please,” Barkle asked. He understood that Billy was bitter and feeling disrespected, but he also knew that, as an outsider, standing up for oneself like that will only make one more hated. 

Billy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, but canned ‘imself.

Pindar looked up at the sun. It was past its zenith. “The contest has already begun. Are you sure you want to begin at a disadvantage?”

“Are you being polite, or going deaf?” Buffalo Bill asked. “We’ve said time and time again-”

“We will take on the contest and all the disadvantages,” Wild Bill cut in. Like Barkle, he knew civility had to take center-stage when talking with the Aquilans. They

“So be it,” Pindar said. He was beginning to have his doubts, letting all seven of these outsiders compete as one team. They couldn’t even control their sharpest tongues without reprimanding. But, they had done him a favor, so he had to let them in. “All heroes have to excel at defeating monsters. The first Contest is the Great Hunt. Report to Orion, in Calydonea. He will tell you more.”

~

Orion was easy enough to find. He stood on a rock outcropping in the fields of Calydonea, overlooking the gates to civilization in Achaean Sparta. He saw the Seven and some others approaching (Timmy wanted to come with the rest of the Seven, and Bonnie Anne volunteered to keep an eye on the kid while the Seven were doing… whatever it was they’d end up having to do), and waved them greetings and well-faring.

Owen waved back. “Hey! We’re here for the Contest!” they announced.

“The Contest, you say?” Orion asked. “I bid you beware, for I fear only the mightiest can hope to succeed.” He pointed to the cliffs, the caves within them, and the hills around them. “The monsters that haunt these hills are fearsome.”

“Do we look scared to you?” Calamity asked.

“We’ve seen our fair share of monsters,” Barkle assured. “No need to fear for us.”

Orion chuckled. “You are bold, outlanders, I’ll give you that. Very well, then! The first Contest is to hunt down a dread manticore. They lair in those very caves over there. When you’ve defeated one, take one of its claws to Pindar as a token of your victory.” He looked the crowd over. His gaze landed on Timmy and Owen. “I fear you may be doomed, but the Immortals favor the foolish, or so they say.”

Owen didn’t like that Orion was singling them and Timmy out.

“I’m not gonna be fighting,” Timmy said. “I’m just comin’ along for the ride!”

Orion gave the kid a gentle smile. “Well, youngster, you’d best listen to your… parents, alright?”

“I will!” Timmy chirped. “And miss Anne!” He took her hand.

The group set off through the fields. They made sure to give the monsters out and about plenty of space. If a pack of the manticores decided to pounce on them before they were ready…

Bonnie Anne noticed a set of tracks in the ground. The tracks matched the manticores’ paws, but were significantly bigger. “Look there,” she said, pointing the oversized tracks out. “I think those are the dread manticores’ prints. We can track ‘em from a distance to one of the caves.”

“Why thank you kindly, Anne,” Jane said, giving the fox a smile. “Lead on.”

Bonnie Anne took the lead. She kept her eyes trained on the tracks. They eventually led to a cave burrowing into the cliffs. “Here we are.”

Jane whistled a tense little tune as she looked into the cave. 

All of the Seven, save for Timmy and Owen, tensed. They knew their friend’s song well. If Calamity Jane Canary was whistling such a worried warble, that meant this cave was trouble.

“Welp. Here we go,” Billy said. “Don’t’cha worry, Tims, we’ll be fine.”

“If you need an extra musket, call for me,” Bonnie Anne asked. “Your safety’s more important than the Contest.”

“We’ll call if it gets to that,” Owen promised. They hoped it didn’t.

“Y’all got this!” Timmy encouraged.

Owen led the Seven into the cave. Some regular manticores and one oversized one (no doubt the dread manticore in question) slept in the cave.

“If we’re-” koff- “stealthy, perhaps we can-” Duck tried to suggest. A big old bout of coughing seized him. Caves, dank and dusty as they were, were never good for his lungs.

The dread manticore woke up. It pushed itself to its paws and unfurled its wings. It let out a guttural, cranky roar. The smaller manticores woke up as well, seven of them in total.

“You were saying, Duck?” Buffalo Bill sassed.

“Come on! We’ve got a pack of manticores to take down!” Owen butted in. Now was no time for infighting, even if it were maybe teasing and lighthearted (though they really couldn’t tell, Bill sounded genuinely pissed to them). They readied their knife and pistol.

The rest of the Seven readied their weapons too. Even Barklementizov, who had no held weapon of his own, gathered his wits and magic.

“If we focus on the little ones one at a time, we defeat them quicker, and have less of them attacking us at once!” Owen strategized.

It was a good enough plan for most of the Seven. However, Buffalo Bill and Billy went against the plan. “We’ll soften the others up while y’all take out that one,” Billy said.

Duck had a feeling they were avoiding aiming for the same monster he was shooting down for more reasons than just strategy. The li’l gunslinger wasn’t one to follow through with a strategy like that.

The manticores were quite the threat! Eight vs seven. The dread manticore was all but unharmed as the smaller ones went down. The fight went on for far longer than Owen would’ve liked. The manticores’ claws were sharp, their teeth bit hard, and their tails stung like whips. Their healing magic couldn’t keep up.

The dread manticore was the only one left. It towered over all of the Seven, even Buffalo Bill. It reared onto its hind legs, standing even taller now, claws unsheathed and fangs bared. It brought its paws down on the nearest target-

“DUCK!” Owen shouted. 

Duck couldn’t back away fast enough. The manticore cut a nasty set of gashes over his face. His left eye was clawed shut.

Panic peppered through Owen. They flew up and stabbed the dread manticore at the back of its throat. It whirled around in pain, its wings slapping Owen away. They lost their balance and fell, distant from everyone else.

“OWEN!” Barklementizov panicked. He flew after Owen, but the dread manticore bit at his wings. He fell down too.

Calamity ran towards the manticore. It’s distracted- oh fuck it’s distracted by Owen and Barkle- she can try and save Duck in the meantime!

Billy shot at the manticore as Calamity Jane made her daring move.

“Jane! Look out!” Wild Bill warned.

As Jane got close, the dread manticore hissed at her and tried to swat her aside. Its claws tore at her, but she was steady. She helped Duck up to his feet and hurried him to safety. “Duck, we gotcha. Bill, shield him. Billy, let’s raise hell. It’s after Owen and Barks!” She picked her musket back up. She and Billy then ran towards the dread manticore, guns blazing.

Wild Bill stepped in front of Duck. If the dread manticore dared to come back here, ideally it would target him and not Duck, being the closer and bigger and brighter of the two birds. Bill kept an eye and ear on Duck as well. “How bad is your eye?”

“Out of commission till it’s cleaned up,” Duck responded, coughing from fatigue. “I hope it’s not lost for good.”

Buffalo Bill had been trying to keep consistent fire trained on the dread manticore. It wasn’t enough to stop any of what’d just happened. It just took his hits and focused on the more vulnerable! He had no hope but to charge headlong! He tightened his musket’s bayonet and rushed to the manticore. “Get away from my calf!” he roared.

The dread manticore whipped its head to him. He plunged the bayonet into the manticore’s neck, piercing its throat. The beast’s blood burst from the wound. It flailed and flopped and fell in fury, only tearing its throat further open. It collapsed dead on the dusty cave floor.

Barklementizov ran to Owen as quickly as his legs could manage. He tried to help them sit up. “Are you alright?”

Owen, shaking, was not alright. They nodded anyway. “Any higher, and that fall might’ve done me in,” they said. They tried to laugh the pain away, but… god damn they were scared. They looked at the manticore’s corpse. Manticorpse. What if it wasn’t dead? What if it rose again?

Billy hung his sparklocks on his belt and dashed to Owen. He helped them stand. God. They were shiverin’ in his arms. “We gotcha, kid. That kitty ain’t so bad anymore.”

Owen felt something in them break. They held onto Billy’s hands and leaned against him. They looked around. Everyone was some sort of battered, bruised, or bloodied. Buffalo Bill was absolutely drenched. If Owen were any more emotionally sound they’d make a milk webkinz joke. Milk is just blood with extra steps. But no, they were in no state to do that right now. They couldn’t see Duck from where they were. “Where’s Duck?” they asked.

“I’m right here, peach,” Duck spoke up. He wiped the blood from his eye and made his way towards Owen. He glanced at Billy. Billy, one of the two who’d been so loud about his old blame on Duck. Billy, who’d never forgiven him before.

Billy looked back at Duck Holliday. He, god, he could’a been blinded. Or worse, killed. The Seven lost one already, years ago. They really can’t afford to lose another. Not even Duck.

Duck got a bit closer. 

Owen pulled him into the hug. They cried into his shoulder.

Bonnie Anne and Timmy ran around a corner into the cave. “We heard the fighting get bad, is everyone-” Bon’s words dried in her mouth as she saw the battlefield. Manticores dead, the Magnificent Seven wounded, her captain and friend crying in Duck’s and Billy’s arms. “Oh, god.”

“Wh- What happened?” Timmy asked. He’d never seen anybody so… hurt. Let alone the Magnificent Seven! His idols, his family!

“We’re worse for wear, but we’re well enough,” Big Bill promised. “Please disregard the fact that I’m covered in blood.”

Owen lifted their head from Duck’s shoulder. When did Timmy get here? They wiped away their tears. “Hey, don’t worry about us, okay?” They gently pulled themself away from the hug, and grabbed their weapons from the floor; apparently they’d dropped them when they were knocked down. Knife in hand, they approached the manticore. “Let’s get this claw back to Pindar. We’ve got more Contests to win…” 

~

While sailing back to Nova Aquila, everybody got themselves fixed up. Duck had to check in with Nurse Quinn for his eye (Quinn said he’d have to keep it shut while the skin healed, but thankfully he wasn’t going to lose it), and everybody needed their fair share of bandages, but everyone seemed to do well enough.

Owen needed some time away from everything, a bit of quiet to try and decompress. They lied in their hammock, letting the ship’s rocking calm them down. They held the dread manticore’s claw in their hands, turning it over and over like Duck and his poker chip. So much pain and frenzy for just one itty bitty claw. For one blasted contest.

Was it even worth it?

Owen’s right hand dropped to the brass badge pinned on their vest. Wyatt Chirp’s sheriff badge.

“Of course it’s gonna be worth it!” Owen argued with themself. “If we win the contest, the Aquilans will finally respect the Seven.” Their family’s reputation mattered most in this. If they backed out now… it’d probably reflect so badly on the Seven as a whole. They couldn’t do that; they would not besmirch the Seven by association.

Pindar awaited the Seven where he always was. He saw them coming up the hill, and the various bandages decorating their bodies. “Ah, you’ve returned,” he said. “Hard day?”

“Not in the slightest,” Duck answered, his voice level with cool confidence and his expression not holding the slightest bit of pain (well, besides the fresh cuts down his face). “We’ve got your manticore’s claw. Owen?”

Owen nodded and showed Pindar the claw.

“Oh!” Pindar gasped in surprise. “You actually did it! Unexpected, but well done. Though, I must warn you, there are two more contests left, and they’ll only grow more difficult.”

“Difficulty is our bread and butter,” Barkle assured. “You’ve no need to fear for us.”

“As you wish.” Pindar clacked his beak. “For the second Contest, bring back the Golden Laurel from Sparta. It’s the prize for the Archery contest.” He looked up at the sky. “You’re very late for it. I suggest you hurry.”

Barklementizov was starting to regret feigning such confidence. He couldn’t hold a bow at all, let alone fire one. And nobody else in the Seven was all too familiar with archery.

Buffalo Bill, however, was cooking up a little idea. “Oh, we’ll bring back that wreath,” he promised. He went down to the ship with a real hustle to his bustle, and everyone followed

After boarding the Silver Moth, Wild Bill decided to check in. “Now that we’re outta earshot… you seem to be planning something.”

Buffalo chuckled. “Pindar never said anything about us winning any competition. Just that we have to retrieve the prize.”

“But how are we gonna get the prize without, y’know, winning the contest for the prize?” Owen asked.

“Easy. We get the winner to put it up for a bet.”

“Is it really gonna be that easy?” Jane asked.

“Pride is the Eagles’ greatest failing,” Duck said. He twirled his little mustache and fidgeted with his favorite poker chip. “If we stroke their ego enough, it’ll blind them.”

“Ooh, it’s been a while since I swindled someone!” Billy chuckled, almost nostalgic for his old outlaw days. Almost. “This’ll be fun!”

~

The docks of Achaean Sparta had become more crowded than it had been when the Seven had left it after fighting the dread manticore. “Looks like they’re all still hangin’ around after the contest,” Jane said, watching the crowd from the deck of the ship.

“Splendiferous,” Buffalo Bill said. “Our wreath-bearer is likely still in there.”

“Let us not waste another minute, then!” Barkle said. He flew over towards Owen at the wheel. The ship suddenly lurched under him for a second, then studdered to a halt.

“SHIT-” Owen yelped. “Sorry, everyone! Meant to drop anchor, not hit the gas!”

Most of the crew on-deck tried to stand back up. Subodai could only lie on the deck. “You’re starting to sail like me, Owen!” he joked, his booming laughter bubbling up from him.

“Gods, I sure hope not!” Owen laughed back.

The Magnificent Seven all got off at the docks. Tims came with, holding Owen’s and Billy’s hands.

Big Bill led the way. The crowds parted around him to give him and the Seven enough space to walk. He caught sight of an Eagle wearing the Golden Laurel Wreath. Jackpot. “Yo!” he called to her. “You, miss, with the wreath!”

She caught sight of him as well. “Oh, a fresh face!” She saw the rest of the Seven come out from behind him. “Have you all come for the Archery contest?” she asked. “I’d heard there’d be a group of seven barbarians competing. You’re too late, though. I’ve won it.”

“Oh, well if that ain’t a shame,” Calamity Jane said, with a slight Western belle’s pout in her voice. Completely for the act’s sake. “Still, I reckon it were for the best. Archery ain’t really our kind of shooting, y’see.”

“I wouldn’t be able to hold a bow in the first place,” Barklementizov added.

“Our skillsets are likely so wildly different from each other,” Wild Bill began, “that it begs the question on who’s truly the best shootist.”

The Eagle’s cocky expression faltered. She gripped her bow tightly. “You doubt my prowess?”

“Certainly not,” Duck assured. “You’ve earned that laurel-” koff- “versus the many other archers, fair and square. But I-” koff- “I reckon, why not give us a… fighting chance as well?”

“It could be fun, too!” Timmy chirped.

“A fighting chance, you say?” the Eagle asked. “Fine then. Surely barbarians like yourselves can fight, at least. I’ll duel the best of you, then.”

“What, just one of us?” Billy goaded. “Are you scared you can’t take us all at once? Surely you and your high-falutin Aquilan training makes ya think you’re the best of the best, yea?”

“Of course I’m not scared!” the Eagle snapped. “If anything, dueling only one of you is for your sakes than mine. It’s less of an embarrassment to you if only one of your group loses to me, rather than all of you at once!” She forced out a haughty laugh. She took an arrow from her quiver and pointed it at the group. “I’ll tell you what! I’m so certain I could beat you, no matter your skills and numbers, that I’ll bet my wreath on it! I’ll give it to you- if you can beat me.”

Owen grabbed onto the arrow’s shaft. Their cue in all this was clear as day. “You bet!” They and the Eagle went into the shooting range. “For extra fairness’s sake, let’s give each other some space. Start back to back, ten seconds of walking from each other, then we go all out.”

“A formality,” the Eagle said. “I don’t see why not.” She went back to back with them.

Timmy climbed up onto the fence. Buffalo Bill held him steady. “I’ll do the countdown!” he volunteered from a distance.

Owen and the Eagle nodded.

Timmy counted loud and steadily. “ONE! TWO! THREE!”

Step, step, step.

“FOUR! FIVE! SIX!”

The Eagle archer notched the first arrow into her bow.

“SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!”

Owen gripped their pistol and knife.

“TEN PACES! FIRE!”

Owen turned on their heel and tried for some quick shots at the archer’s shoulder. She can’t shoot if her arm’s busted.

She dodged the shots nimbly enough and let her prepared arrow fly. It nicked Owen’s ear, missing their shoulder by a fair margin. So, she had the same strategy as them. Incapacitation over straight up murder. The eagle wasn’t trying to kill Owen.

“You got this, Owen!” Jane cheered.

The eagle shot some more arrows, aiming for Owen’s leg. The arrow stuck into them.

Owen leaned on their good leg. They aimed for her nearer arm.

The eagle flinched at the shot, scattering her arrows from her quiver.

Now’s their chance! Owen rushed in, knife at the ready. They stabbed her side. Again, steering clear of any vital organs. Not trying to kill. Just wound. Defeat. 

The eagle grabbed a cluster of the arrows and tried to backhand Owen as she scampered to her feet. Owen blocked the cluster with their knife’s blade. It cut through the arrows’ shafts.

The eagle dusted herself off and rushed away from Owen.

Owen shot the eagle’s leg. A bit of true grit from them, bearing the pain and returning it equal. It’s not like they could heal the wound. No doubt the eagles would call magic in a nonmagical duel cheating.

The eagle fell. “Why, you barbarian!” she spat.

“You did the same to me! Fair’s fair!” Owen called out.

“Yeah, you tell ‘er!” Billy shouted from the sidelines.

“Stay steady!” Duck advised.

Owen twirled the pistol around their triggerfinger, a trick Billy taught em, and shot once more at the Eagle. The shot burst from the barrel, flashy more than real damage.

The Eagle reached for another arrow in her quiver. Her eyes went wide as she realized something that she hoped the kid wouldn’t pick up on. She’s only got one arrow left. The rest of her arrows were either cut in half or still scattered on the ground from her first fall. She aimed for Owen’s chest, desperate to not lose like this.

Owen’s eyes went wide. They tried to dodge the arrow. It dug into their arm. Better that than any of their guts or lungs or heart! 

“She ran out of arrows, Owen!” Wild Bill called.

The Eagle gave Wild Bill a furious glare.

Owen walked up towards the Eagle, calming down from the fight. “Well, ain’t that quite a predicament?” they asked. They leaned into a bit of a Western accent for funsies. “Like, golly flippin’ gee willikers, it seems you can’t do much to attack me anymore.”

Timmy gasped. “SKILL ISSUE!” Uproarious laughter came from the rest of the Seven.

Owen brought their hand to their mouth to tamp down their laughter. They were still talking with their opponent, they can’t completely lose face. “Meanwhile, I could keep attacking. I won’t, cuz that’s not fair, but… I think it’s clear to me who wins, yea?”

“Fuck you,” the Eagle spat. “This damn duel, this was your intention from the start, wasn’t it!? You, and your barbarian friends.”

Owen raised their knife. “Hey now.” Their voice dropped. Their playfulness gave out. “Please don’t call my family barbarians. Now, can I kindly have that wreath of yours? You did bet on it.” They glanced at the rest of the Seven. Buffalo Bill gave them a giant thumbs up.

With a huff, the Eagle unceremoniously put her golden wreath on Owen’s outstretched arm.

Owen put their weapons away, put the wreath on their head, and gave the Eagle a bright smile with a few too many teeth (for good measure). “Thank you!~” They skipped over to the Seven. 

Buffalo Bill picked Owen up in the air. “You were outstanding out there!” he cheered. “What phenomenal pugilistic prowess! A stellar show! I daresay I’m running out of words!” He put them on his shoulders.

“If you’re running outta words, I guess that’s how I know it must’ve been great!” Owen laughed from the pure joy of it all. Oh, they felt they were on top of the world! And in a way, they were. They were on Big Bill’s shoulders. “And you all were great too!” They looked down at Timmy. “Quick question, Tims. Skill issue!?”

“Billy taught me that,” Timmy answered, pointing at him.

“I sure as hell did NOT teach you that!” Billy protested.

“Are you sure you didn’t just-” koff- “say it in front of him, at one point?” Duck asked.

Billy opened his mouth to retort, but, yeah no that totally sounded like him lol. He didn’t remember everythin’ he said, let alone everyone who was around when he said said everythin’.

“Come on, let’s get back to Pindar,” Jane said. “We’ve got one more contest to get over with!”

~

“PIIIIINDAAAAAAAR!” Owen hollered as they and the rest of the Magnificent Seven rushed to him. They held the golden wreath against their head so it wouldn’t fall off. “WEGOTTHEGOLDENWREATH!”

Pindar looked up at the Seven. “Pardon?” he asked. He had already gotten news of the winner of the archery contest, and it certainly wasn’t the Seven.

“We got the golden wreath!” Owen repeated themself.

“Now wait a moment,” Pindar said. “You did not win it from the archery contest. I’m afraid such fraud must disqualify you all.”

“But-” Owen started.

Buffalo Bill put his hand on Owen’s shoulder. “Allow me.” He stepped towards Pindar. The rest of the Seven took a step away from him. He lifted his musket and slammed the wooden end against the cobblestone path. “Now just one minute, Pindar,” he growled. He took a step closer to the Eagle, towering over him. “You never told us to win the archery contest. You only told us to bring back the golden wreath, and this we have done, by thunder!” He let his shout echo off into the distance before continuing. “Do you intend on keeping your word and playing this contest fairly, or do you only wish to bend over backwards so only Eagles can win!?”

 “I- er-” Pindar stuttered for an answer. Buffalo Bill was meaner than any man or beast he had ever seen before. “I-I suppose exceptions c-could be made, ag-again. Rules… bent. You all may n-not have the blood of Eagles, yes, but you are c-cunning as Ulysses himself. The terms of the Contest can still be honored.”

“There. Now was that so difficult?” Buffalo Bill asked, his demeanor becoming sunny as a paper daisy as if he hadn’t just been verbally storming over another man. He picked up his musket and held it safely by his side.

So this was what everyone meant when they said Buffalo Bill was meaner than a mountain lion, Owen realized. Holy crap. They had never seen that side of him before. Was that even another side to him? He seemed like an entirely different person. Not the Big Bill they knew and loved.

They didn’t ever want to see that side of him again.

“Certainly not-” Pindar gulped. He tried to “Anyway, the last Contest is a footrace all over Illios. Whoever can find the most golden apples scattered throughout the land by sunset wins.”

The Seven all looked at each other. Everyone except for Billy and Owen had a concerned look. They were old, and weren’t fit for something as strenuous as a race. Billy the Kid, however, just looked annoyed. “Oh bother,” he said, rolling his eyes. “This’ll be fun.”

“Indeed,” Duck wheezed before coughing for five seconds on end. Wild Bill gave him a few sturdy but gentle pats on his back. “I can hardly contain my glee…” Duck continued his thought. “Thanks, Bill.”

“‘Course.” Wild Bill took a breath. “We’re in this deep into the contest. I don’t think our prides will let us back out now.”

“I just hope there’s another way to finish it besides running,” Barkle said. He swung his small taloned legs. “My legs are far too small…”

“We’ll find a way,” Owen promised. The way they had in mind was doing the race themself (they didn’t mind, they like running :D), but maybe something will come up and there’ll be a way for everyone else to get involved without hurting themselves. Owen could only hope.

~

In Illios, the Magnificent Seven found Atalanta, the Eagle managing the final event. She had a bow slung over her shoulder, a quiver of arrows at her hip, and a wax tablet and stylus like Pindar in her hands. She was managing this final event in the Contest. 

“‘Scuse me!” Jane called, waving at Atalanta. “Miss Atalanta, was it? We’re here for the Contest of Champions!”

Atalanta looked up from her tablet. “Another pack of runners? You’re very late, I’m afraid. Most of the apples had been taken. Why, I doubt there are any left in the regular course at all.”

“That implies there are some apples left-” koff- “in more unconventional places,” Duck mentioned. “If we were to press on against all wisdom, where would we look?”

Atalanta brought a finger (feather?) to her chin. “The only other place where I’d find the golden apples are in the Ettin caves, to the north.” She pointed out the way. “You’d have to fight them for it, of course.”

“And just how many do we gotta collect to beat first place?” Billy asked.

“The current leader, Philipides, has… six apples,” Atalanta answered, checking her tablet. “The event officially ends at sundown. I don’t envy the task you’ve set for yourselves, but the Immortals favor the foolish, or so they say.”

“Or so we’ve heard,” Buffalo Bill said. “Thank you. We’ll be well on our way.”

As the Magnificent Seven went northward to the Ettin caves, Owen couldn’t help but chuckle to themselves at the funny little coincidence.

“What’s gotcha so giggly all of a sudden?” Billy asked.

“Oh, I was just thinking, we gotta get more than six apples, which means we gotta get seven. One for the each of us!” Owen explained.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Barklementizov admitted.

“Well, isn’t that a fun coincidence?” Wild Bill asked. He couldn’t help but chuckle along too.

“Almost feels like fate…” Buffalo Bill remarked. Seven apples for the Magnificent Seven, The Seven were together again, sailing all over the Spiral… but it didn’t feel quite as whole as before Wyatt’s death. And, indeed, that gaping emptiness was his fault. He kept the wound open, still staying distant from Holliday. Closing the gap between them would be too painful and take too much effort now. Bill had to reserve his energy for this confounded contest.

But were they not doing this contest for the entire Seven’s sake in the first place? Not just each member’s individual pride, but for their collective honor. For their history as a team. They were heroes together, and this damn contest was to prove it to the Eagles.

Maybe to prove it to themselves and each other, too.

The namesake ettins in the Ettin caves were nasty, big ol’ brutes, with double the heads and half the brain cells. “Hey, listen up, ya two-headed turkeys!” Billy shouted. “We need your golden apples! If you give ‘em nice an’ quiet like, there’ll be no trouble.”

“We’ll even give them back if you’re nice about it!” Owen interjected.

One of the ettins readied their club. “CRUSH THE LITTLE ONES! CRUSH THEM ALL!” their heads thundered.

“You tried,” Wild Bill assured Owen.

“Yeah, I did…” Owen shrugged. “Guess we gotta do it the hard way.” They readied their weapons, and hoped that these ettins wouldn’t be nearly as difficult as the dread manticore.

Owen’s hope came true. The ettins were tough to defeat, but often their two heads wanted to do different things at once, which only made them weaker. If one head wanted to attack Barkle and Owen flying around their heads and getting what melee hits they could, and another wanted to charge at the rest of the Seven firing at them from all around, the ettin would flounder around and accomplish neither.

The metaphor wasn’t lost on Buffalo Bill. He stood by Duck’s side, protecting his blind spot.

Duck turned his head and looked up at Bill. His behavior confounded him. He had to wonder, what was Bill up to, choosing to stand next to him in all this?

Bill caught Duck’s gaze, and then immediately glanced away. He wasn’t ready to be quite face-to-face with Duck Holliday yet. An ettin was conveniently in his new line of sight, an excuse.

The tension and bond between the two didn’t go unnoticed. Between shots, Jane nudged Billy the Kid in the side. “Y’see?” she asked.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Billy gasped. 

The hours ticked down, the orange light of the sunset outside pouring into the caves.. The apple count ticked up. Soon enough, everyone had a golden apple in their pocket (or, in Barkle’s case, his talons). “Finally!” he cheered. “That’s all seven apples. Let’s get our prize, before it’s too late!”

The Magnificent Seven rushed from the cave. The lights from Owen’s antennae started to brighten the area around them, as the day darkened. As they all approached the camp, Owen hollered, “ATALANTA!! WE GOT THE APPLES!”

Atalanta’s eyes widened. She looked at the setting sun. “You’re all just in time. I’m amazed! I won’t be able to send the news to Pindar faster than you can sail. Take the apples to him directly.”

“Sure!” Owen chirped. “Thank you!”

~

While on the ship, Owen realized something. “I promised to return the apples back to the ettins, didn’t I?” they asked.

“You said you’d return the apples if they were nice about giving them to you,” Wild Bill remembered. “And they weren’t.”

“Oh yea, I forgot I said that bit. Thanks. I don’t feel bad about it anymore.”

“Always.”

~

Miraculously for the entire Seven, Pindar hadn’t gone too far from his usual perch. Owen ran to him as fast as they could while holding all of the apples themself (they’d gotten worried at the last minute that if everyone held one apple, Pindar wouldn’t count it as seven apples collected, but just one for each). “PINDAR! WE WON!” they shouted.

Pindar blinked. “Pardon?”

“We’ve finished the final contest!” Barklementizov explained, flying past Owen.

“Seven apples, more than the previous leader,” Jane announced. Her voice shone with pride. Owen tried to hold the apples further up in their arms to really show them off. The light from their antennae reflected off the apples’ golden skin.

“Atalanta told us to report to you directly,” said Buffalo Bill.

“I cannot believe it,” Pindar gasped. “The contest is won by a pack of outlanders this year!”

“We told you it was possible,” Wild Bill said with a proud little smile.

“So, about that prize?” Billy asked

“Yeah, the prize!” Timmy chirped, bouncing up and down in excitement while holding onto Billy’s hand. “Give them the prize! They earned it!”

“Ah, yes, the prize.” Pindar cleared his throat. He looked to Owen. “Child. Owen, was it?”

“Uh- Yes, that’s me, hi,” Owen said. They were very confused.

“Because you have presented all of the tokens for the three Contests, Owen, you have won the right to climb the peaks of Achaea and sacrifice yourself to Typhon the Terror. Your virtuous death will keep Aquila safe for another year.”

“WHAT-” the Magnificent Seven all shouted. Owen dropped their apples. Timmy clung onto Owen’s side. Wild Bill put a hand on Owen’s shoulder and his tail feathers rustled up. Barklementizov put his wing in front of Owen. Duck gripped his poker chip so hard his knuckles went white. Billy pointed his sparklocks at Pindar. Jane slammed the wood end of her musket onto the cobblestone. Buffalo Bill’s voice thundered.

“The fuck you mean that’s the prize?!” Billy stormed.

“This is a joke, right? This has to be!” Barkle begged.

Pindar shook his head. “That is the prize. If you refuse, Owen, you’ll be reviled as a liar and a coward through the empire.”

Owen shook their head. They put one arm around Timmy and held him close. They stared up at Pindar. “No. I refuse both options. I’m not a coward, I’m not gonna drag my family into that reputation with me, and I’m not going to die. I’ll… fight Typhon myself if I have to!” It was an outrageously bold outburst. Owen had no idea how they were gonna fight Typhon, they just knew they had to say something.

“You won’t be alone, Owen,” Wild Bill promised.

“We’ll fight Typhon with you,” Jane insisted.

Pindar could not believe the Seven’s determination. “It’s impossible. Typhon is invincible,” he warned.

“We’ll see about that,” Duck vowed. 

“Perhaps the inventor, Daedalus, may have an idea to better our odds,” Buffalo Bill strategized. “We should go see him.”

Owen was relieved that their parents were there for them, and could keep a cooler head than they themself could ever. They noticed Timmy was still tense against them. “Hey, Timmy, let’s go back to the ship, yeah?” they offered him. “We can chill in my cabin. I’ll stay with you.”

Timmy nodded.

Owen nodded back. They then looked to the rest of the Seven. “When y’all have a plan, come find me?”

“We won’t come back ‘til we get a plan outta the ol’ bird,” Billy promised.

~

It wasn’t terribly long until the adults of the Magnificent Seven came back to the Silver Moth. Jane knocked on the door to Owen’s cabin. “You in there, darlin’?”

“Yeah, we’re here,” Owen called from inside. They and Timmy were sitting on the floor of the cabin. They had a ukulele in their lap, and Timmy was nestled under their arm. “The door’s unlocked.”

Jane stepped in. “We’ve got ourselves a gameplan. Daedalus mentioned a magic charm that’d protect us from Typhon’s magic.”

Owen smiled. “Great! Thanks so much.” They then looked down at Tims. “See? I told you they’d come up with a plan.”

“Yeah, you did say that, didn’t’ya?” Timmy asked.

“We’ll have to make a quick stop at Illios to get it,” Jane continued. “Are you gonna take the wheel, or should I find someone else?”

“Someone else! Please?” Timmy begged, looking up at Owen with the sweetest eyes known to birdkind.

Owen chuckled and nuzzled their head against his. They then looked up at Jane. “You simply must understand my predicament. There is a child nested in my arms. There’s no way I can sail.”

Jane chuckled as well. “Makes sense. I’ll come back when we’ve docked.” She closed the door.

~

Soon enough, the Silver Moth docked at Illios. Jane knocked on the door again. “Owen? We’re here.”

Owen finished strumming their song. “Give me a minute?” they asked. Timmy had fallen asleep in their arms. They didn’t want to wake him up. They put down their ukulele, picked Timmy up, and put him in their hammock. Once he was tucked in, they opened the door. “Timmy fell asleep. I had to put him in my hammock.”

“That’s alright. You all set to go?”

Owen nodded. They glanced back at their cabin. “Should I tell him that we’re going? If something goes wrong…”

Jane shook her head. “Let him sleep. We’ll be fine.”

Owen snuffed the magic lights around their cabin and got off the Silver Moth. The rest of the Seven had been waiting for Owen and Jane on the docks. “So,” Owen asked, “what exactly is the plan? Where do we get this charm from?”

“The last person to have the Aegis- the charm we need to find- was last known to be in a cave system here,” Barklementizov answered. “He and his legion hadn’t come out. I wouldn’t be surprised to find their undead spirits there.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Owen agreed. “Give me a sec, I gotta get some gear really quick.” They flew back onto their ship and silently went into their cabin. From a lockbox in their closet, they grabbed a few items that they’d once been given by their uncle Thanatos: a cloak, a helmet (“head protection is key for meat jenga towers like yourself” Thanatos would always say), and a scythe. They donned that reaper-gear and came back out. “Alright,” they said to the rest of the Seven. “I’m ready now.”

Duck chuckled. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises?”

“Let’s go,” Buffalo Bill suggested. “The quicker we get the Aegis, the quicker we can be finished with this Typhon tomfoolery.”

The Seven followed a map that Daedalus gave them. The caves were a bit of a trek away from the docks, deeper inland in Illios than the Ettin caves were. Soon, they all came upon the caves Cadmus had disappeared into.

Barklementizov took a deep breath. He hesitated outside the cave. “Here we go…” he murmured.

Owen tilted their head. They hadn’t heard him so… apprehensive? Tired? Emotions are hard to name. “What’s up?”

“I’m just tired of all the caves, don’t worry about me,” Barkle assured Owen.

Owen frowned. They absolutely will worry about him. They went in, and everyone else followed them. Their antennae lit the way.

The caves were teeming with shade remnants of Cadmus’s legion. Jane whistled in shock. “Well ain’t this the sorriest cave I’ve ever seen?”

“Not as sorry as those undead,” Wild Bill remarked.

“Right… let me,” Owen offered. They held their scythe at the ready and approached the legion. They gently touched the shoulders of every spirit they could with their scythe’s blade. “I spare you all from this cave. Move on. Be free, gentle souls…” The shades dissolved into nothingness. Owen sighed heavily.

“Dang, you make it look easy,” Billy quipped. They really didn’t, Billy could see the emotion mounting on their shoulders, but he wanted to help them feel calm and confident. “How’d ya even learn that magic?”

“Oh, uh, Thanatos is my uncle,” Owen explained. Their own shoulders relaxed. Billy was always lighthearted about everything, wasn’t he? “He had a water allergy, so he made me a reaper to help out in Celestia.”

Billy laughed. “A water allergy? I’m not even gonna begin to ask how that works.” 

Owen couldn’t help but laugh along with Billy. The idea of a water allergy was quite silly, now that Owen thought about it out of context. They smiled.

“I see Cadmus’s spirit around the bend,” Barklementizov butted in. He pointed the way with his wing.

“Great. Lead the way,” Owen invited.

Barkle led the rest of the Seven around the bend. The light from Owen’s antennae filled the chamber. Cadmus’s spirit stood, shield and spear at the ready. He glowered at the Seven.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to reap him as easily as the others,” Owen worried.

“We’ll keep his attention on us,” Duck offered. He drew his pistol and shot at Cadmus.

The shade turned his head to Duck. His red eyes glowed with hatred.

Duck glanced at the others. “What’s with the holdup? We’ve got a spirit to pester.”

The Magnificent Seven fanned out into a line, Duck in the center, Wild Bill, Jane, and Owen to his right, which left Buffalo Bill, Billy, and Barkle to his left. The five musketeers shot at Cadmus, trying to get his attention with the damage and the brightness of their shots. Barkle and Owen ran towards Cadmus, flanking him. 

“CADMUS! OVER HERE!” Barkle shouted. It felt weird for Barkle to shout in combat, but it was his best way to serve as a distraction since he couldn’t fire a gun himself.

Owen silently rushed to Cadmus as his head was turned and his focus was shattered. They slashed through his shadowy form. He vanished into mist and nothingness. A necklace dropped from where he stood.

“We’ve got the Aegis now,” Jane said. She picked it up. “Typhon, here we come!”

~

They sailed to Achaea and climbed the peaks to Typhon’s lair. It was the dead of night by now. Only by the peachy light from Owen’s antennae and the reflection off of Barkle’s silver eyes could the Seven navigate through the wilds.

If Owen had a nickel for every undead-filled cave they had to venture into in the past four hours, they would have two nickels, which wasn’t a lot, but it was concerning that it happened twice now.

“Mercy!” Buffalo Bill gasped as he saw the undead. He brought his free hand to his heart. “It’s Miranda all over again!”

“Typhon’s victims…” Owen realized.

“So many people sacrificed…” Barkle lamented.

“We’ve come this far,” Duck said.  “Let’s get this job done. Owen, can you do the honors?”

“Of course.” Owen stepped forward and reaped all of the souls they could. They were starting to grow tired. They couldn’t tell if the exhaustion was all emotional, or if the day was dragging on too long for them.

Owen shook themself out. They had to stay strong. It was nearly the end of the quest now. They could feel it. “We’re coming for you, Typhon!” they declared.

Typhon’s growls echoed off the walls of the caves.

“Ooh, he’s cranky!” Billy jeered.

“He’s almost as bad as Buffalo in the mornings,” Jane joked.

“Hey,” Buffalo Bill said.

“Come on! This way!” Barkle said, following the echoes of Typhon’s roars.

“Wait up!” Wild Bill called.

The Seven ran down the twisting caves to Typhon. The great serpent, father of all Aquilan monsters, with blood as hot as the Titans running in his veins. Typhon rose upright. He stared down the group: six mortals, and one child in Thanatos’s gear. “Child of Thanatos,” he hissed, focusing his gaze on Owen, “your interference is futile. This band of Aquila’s champions will die by my fires, not by your scythe.”

“Nobody is dying here,” Jane insisted.

“Nobody besides you, that is!” Billy shouted.

“Now hold still, Typhon, and this won’t hurt a bit,” Duck promised.

Typhon unsheathed his swords and unhinged his jaw. Fire gathered in his maw, bright and boiling.

“HUDDLE UP!” Jane shouted. The Magnificent Seven huddled together.

Typhon spat fire at the mortals. His fires bent around them. Damned Aegis, protecting them from his flames! He had other weapons at his disposal, at least. He slithered towards them at breakneck speeds.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Wild Bill shouted. He took some quick shots at Typhon, leaning to the side to not hit any of his friends.

Typhon raised his swords and slashed at the group. Buffalo Bill blocked one strike with his musket. He shoved the sword off to the side and rammed his bayonet into Typhon’s arm. The second strike cut into Billy’s arm.  Owen raised their scythe and hooked Typhon’s second arm down.

Typhon pulled his arm free from the scythe, but the pain kept eating into him.

“Now!” Duck called.

The Magnificent Seven tore into Typhon. Owen’s scythe, knife, and pistol. Duck’s revolver. Billy’s twin sparklocks. Jane’s musket. Buffalo Bill’s bayonet. Wild Bill’s rifle. Barklementizov’s magic.

Typhon was relentless, but the Seven overwhelmed him with their attacks. Mortal as they all were, they still chipped into him until eventually, he flinched away, unable to bear all the pain. “I yield! Damn you all!” he hissed.

Owen brought their scythe to Typhon’s shoulder. The blade curved around and behind his neck. “I’m gonna make one simple demand. Vow you’ll not take another sacrifice. Aquilans are rude jerks, but none of them deserve to die for your hunger or for Aquila’s ego.”

“FINE!” Typhon spat. “I swear upon the Gods I won’t take another sacrifice from their Contest of Champions.” He slithered out from Owen’s scythe and curled up into a disappointed coil. “Now get out of here, before I decide to kill you all for being here.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Billy teased.

“He would,” Wild Bill warned. “We should leave while we have the chance.”

The Magnificent Seven left Typhon’s cave and slowly trekked their way back to the Silver Moth. The sun began to rise, peachy pink above the Achean mountain range.

~

Ondeck, Owen asked the rest of the Seven, “Should we tell Pindar what we’ve done, or go to sleep?” 

“Eh, fuck Pindar,” Billy said.

“That Contest was-” koff- “bothersome, tiresome, and tedious. I will take any excuse to be done with it,” Duck admitted. 

“But, we did so much for it,” Owen said. They were confused. “Shouldn’t we get credit?”

“We don’t need their credit,” Barklementizov said. “It’s no use bending over backwards to gain the approval of people who try so hard to kick you down.”

“Wait, did y’all… not want to do the Contest?” Owen asked.

“We wanted to do it to salvage our own prides, but I think we all got something more important out of it,” Jane said. “I promise, it wasn’t a waste. We’re just tired.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pass out for sixteen hours,” Buffalo Bill said. As he went down to his cabin belowdeck, he raised a peace sign up. “Goodnight. Love y’all.”

[sohotthateveryonedied]

What It Takes to Survive

Whumptober Day 19: Bitten

(Yes I hate zombie apocalypse AUs because they’re sad, yes I’m writing one anyway. It’s okay when I do it)

Summary:

Jason: man i sure do love having two hands :)

Me, halfway through sawing his arm off: what

(Basically it's a zombie apocalypse AU and Jason gets bitten so Steph has to cut his arm off. Lots of fun for the whole family!)

Trigger Warnings: Amputation, Gore, uhhhh idk general blood and zombie stuff

“What about fish?” “What about ‘em?” “You know. The virus,” Steph says. She taps the end of her baseball bat against the pavement as she walks. “Could a fish turn?” Jason makes a face. “Who would wanna bite a fish?” He shoves aside an abandoned tire with his foot. They watch it trundle down the cracked sidewalk ahead of them before rolling to a stop and falling on its side. Steph shrugs, conceding the point. “I guess it’s more of a ‘science for the sake of science’ kind of experiment. Unless it was bitten by another fish in the wild, but that would still require someone to bite the first fish.” “I don’t think fish have teeth.” “Sure they do. They gotta chew those flakes somehow.” The street ahead of them is deserted, as is the street behind them. And in every other direction. Today it’s Steph and Jason’s turn to scavenge for supplies, which means it’s their turn to venture into the zombie-infested wasteland that used to be Gotham City. Usually they stick closer to their hideout than this, but Duke has been sick for over a week now. Dick is pretty sure it’s just an infection, but Duke won’t get better without antibiotics.

“Maybe it’s in the water supply,” Jason muses. “Y’know, a zombie decays in a lake, gets its germs in the water. Fish catch the virus…” He spreads his hands. “Zombie fish.” “I think it would be cool. Like keeping a pet shark, but smaller and more deadly.” Steph stops at the edge of the deserted parking lot. She holds a hand over her eyes, blocking them from the sun so she can read the unlit sign of the pharmacy. “You sure this place will have something?” “Nope,” Jason says. “Let’s go.” A few zombies mill mindlessly around the lot. Careful not to be spotted by the horde, Steph stands on top of a tipped-over shopping cart. She lifts up on her toes and scans the outside of the building. “There,” she says, pointing. “They won’t see us if we go in through there.” A window has been smashed at the northern side of the store, out of sight of any zombies who still have eyes. Jason lets out a curse when he follows her gaze to the broken window. “Hopefully the last scavengers left some stuff for us.” They sneak through the lot quietly, Steph gripping her baseball bat for dear life and Jason swinging his crowbar like he's already gearing up to start bashing skulls. They make it to the window without being noticed, mercifully. Steph gives Jason a boost. She grimaces at the smear of dirt his sneaker leaves on her palm. He peers in through the window. “Clear,” he whispers back to her. He climbs in, wriggling through the gap. In a way, it’s lucky that they’ve all been on the brink of starvation since the virus first hit, or this might have been difficult. Jason turns back to pull Stephanie up behind him. She lands soundlessly on the linoleum, instincts bared and at the ready. They stay silent, being wary of every dark corner and hidden nook where a zombie could be lurking. After a sweep of the place comes up without results, Steph lets out a breath. “I think we’re good.” Jason nods. “I’ll look for the meds. Try and scavenge whatever you can carry.” He heads for the pharmacy at the back of the store. The aisles have been just about picked clean of anything useful, but Steph makes do. Some expired-but-still-good gummy worms for Tim. A three-in-one puzzle set for Cass. Some nail polish for Dick and new crayons for Damian. Steph gets basic toiletries and food, along with some cheap novels that didn’t make the cut to be in a regular bookstore, but they’ll be enough to keep the group entertained on quiet nights. Absently, Steph wonders if any of the authors are still alive. If they are, do they still write? Is there a point to it if the majority of their audience is either zombiefied or dead? The end of the world makes even the little things seem pointless when she thinks about it too hard, so she doesn’t. Instead, Steph thinks about how relieved Dick will be when she and Jason return in one piece. She thinks about Duke’s smile and about teaching Tim how to do a cartwheel. She thinks about warm nights on a bare mattress with Damian on one side of her and Cass on the other. It’s enough to keep her moving. Steph is in the middle of ripping open a box of semi-stale crackers when she hears a crash at the back of the store. She stands from her crouch, the box slipping from her fingers. She waits. There is no telltale sound of zombies shuffling over from outside, drawn in by the noise, so she risks voicing a quiet, “Jay? Everything okay?” She tightens her grip on her bat. Then she hears it. Growling. “Jay!” Steph abandons her supplies and races for the back of the store, bat up and primed to swing. She bursts in on Jason grappling with a zombie outside the open door of what looks like a long-abandoned office. Two more stumble out—probably shut away in the office by the last survivors who came through here. Should’ve checked the office. Hesitation means death in this new world, so Steph doesn’t hesitate. She bashes her bat through the decaying skull of the zombie closest to Jason’s unprotected back. Brain matter splatters on the floor. Another one claws at Steph’s hair, yanking her back with its rotting fingers. She smashes

her bat into its chest to knock it back. “Any others I should know about?” she asks breathlessly. Jason doesn’t answer, too busy trying not to get bitten or gutted. His opponent snaps its jaws at him, perilously close to nipping skin. He shoves it back with his arms and jams a screwdriver through its eye. The zombie falls to the ground, lifeless for the second time. Steph takes hers out soon after. She wipes blood off her face with her sleeve, panting. There’s blood spatter on her purple hoodie. “We should really come up with a signal for next time one of us is getting attacked by zombies. I like ‘pumpernickel.’ Did you find the meds?” Jason doesn’t seem to hear her. He’s staring blankly at his arm, caught in a trance. His skin has gone ghostly pale. Steph’s stomach sinks down through her body, through the floor, down, down to the center of the earth and out the other side. “Jason?” His name comes out like a denial. He doesn’t answer. Steph reaches for him, but Jason stumbles back at once, flinging a hand out to stop her. “D-Don’t touch me, Steph.” His eyes are wild. Scared. Steph doesn’t want to look because she knows what she’ll find, and then there’s no going back. But she has to. The first thing she sees is the orange pill bottle clenched in his hand. Then the bite—bleeding and jagged and real. The zombie tore into a spot halfway down his forearm, tearing through the muscle and leaving a gaping wound in the shape of teeth. The skin on the edges of it is already turning a sickly red. “You—you need to get out of here,” Jason tells her. He holds his arm out almost like, if he keeps the bite far enough from his body, it can’t poison him. “No,” Steph says, her voice hoarse. “Steph.” “I said no. Maybe you’re still okay. Maybe it’s not—” She can’t finish. They both know it is. “We’re out of time,” Jason says. He tosses her the medicine and his bag of supplies. Lastly, he hands her the crowbar. “Go for the head, and then get the fuck out of here as fast as you can. Tell the others I’m sorry.” The crowbar feels enormous in Steph’s hands. Cold. Deadly. “I’m not killing you, Jason.” “Steph, please.” Jason’s voice breaks. He’s crying almost as much as she is. “I don’t want to be one of them.” Steph still doesn’t move, so Jason steps back, out of her reach. “Fine.” He takes the backup pistol from his waistband. “Then I’ll fucking do it.” He raises the gun to his head. “Jay, wait.” Steph seizes his wrist before he can pull the trigger. “Please, we can—there has to be something we can do.” “I’m bit, Steph. There’s no coming back from this.” “Bullshit.” She wrenches the gun from his hand. “It’s only been a few minutes. Maybe...maybe it hasn’t reached your bloodstream yet. Maybe we can still save you.” Every victim turns within four hours of being bitten. There’s no way to know when you’ve reached the point of no return, but Steph isn’t losing another family member. Not without a fight. “You don’t know it’ll work,” Jason says weakly. His arm trembles in her grasp. “Well, I’m not going back there to tell them all that you—” Steph chokes back a sob. She tightens her hold on his wrist like she can keep him tethered here in the land of the living through sheer will. “Just let me try. Please, Jason. We can’t lose you.” Jason is silent for a moment. His eyes are glossy, turquoise pools tainted with fear. “If I turn…” “I know. I will. Just let me try.” Jason bites his lip. Steph tries not to imagine those teeth biting through flesh, mindless and hungry. “You’ll need a knife. Something—something sturdy. It’s gotta cut through bone.” A shiver rattles down Steph’s spine. God. They’re really doing this. Steph tries to steady her wobbly nerves; she won’t be of any use to Jason if she’s a terrified mess. He needs her to be strong right now. “Sit down,” Steph says, jumping into action-mode. “I’m going to grab the rest of the supplies.” She stares him down, tucking his pistol into her own waistband. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Read as: Don’t try to kill yourself or I’ll drag you back from the dead

and skin you alive. She leaves Jason in the back office and goes to fetch her things. She makes quick work of it, grabbing whatever additional supplies she can get her hands on because once the arm is off, it’s going to be a race against the clock to make it back home before he bleeds out. Not to mention the very real possibility of him succumbing to infection on the way. Don’t think about it, Steph tells herself as she shoves as many ravioli cans into her bag as she can fit. Dick and Barbara will be able to handle everything from there. All she has to do is cut the arm off and get Jason to the hideout. She just needs to be strong until then. After she has everything packed, Steph locks and blocks every entrance. They can’t afford another attack now. She starts for the back of the store, then, as an afterthought, doubles back for the novelty bottles of booze by the gift section. She closes the office door behind her when she returns, relieved to find Jason sitting on the floor, still in one piece. The infection has already spread, turning the skin an inch around the wound pale green. Steph kneels beside him and dumps her spoils on the floor: peroxide, gauze, and her biggest knife. She eyes his bag full of pill bottles. “Painkillers?” Jason shakes his head. Steph doesn’t ask if that means he couldn’t find any, or if he’s unwilling to take drugs even now, when she’s about to… “I could knock you out,” Steph offers. “You can’t drag me back yourself.” Which is true, but Steph still feels awful that she can’t take away his pain. “Drink this,” she instructs, shoving the alcohol at him. Jason snorts. “S’not gonna do much.” But he unscrews the top of the first bottle and starts chugging. With trembling hands, Steph takes off her belt and cinches it tightly above Jason’s elbow. He winces. “I don’t know if I should pour the peroxide on before or after,” Steph admits. “After, I guess. Not much you can do for it now.” He means it jokingly, but Jason sounds as petrified as she is. “Could be worse,” Steph offers. “You could’ve been a lefty.” Jason doesn’t laugh. Steph tightens the tourniquet again. She’s stalling, she knows. She wants to go back to five minutes ago when the world was ruined but they were still okay. “Here, lie down.” She pushes gently on his shoulder so he’s lying on his back, the infected arm stretched out beside him. Steph takes a deep breath. She picks up the knife. “Wait, wait,” Jason says, grabbing her arm. His palm is slick with sweat. He’s shaking so badly it’s hard to get the words out. “Outside. They’ll hear.” He’s right. It’s unlikely that this place is soundproof, and the last thing they need is more zombies coming for them when Jason is already incapacitated. Steph takes the scarf she grabbed for Barbara and folds it up the best she can. “Bite down on this,” she instructs him. Jason hesitates. “Promise me you’ll do it if this doesn’t work.” “I promise.” Jason takes the fabric between his teeth and lies back, all of him shaking. Steph lifts the knife again. She can’t prolong this any longer. “Want me to count to three?” Jason shakes his head, closing his eyes. “Okay,” she says. She lays the knife against Jason’s arm, two inches above the bite. Jason flinches at the cold metal. They haven’t even reached the worst part yet. “I’m sorry,” Steph says. She presses down. Jason strains to keep himself quiet for all of five seconds. Even through the gag, his screams ring in Steph’s ears and echo around the small room. She saw faster, knowing it’s only a matter of time before the zombies outside hear and come to investigate. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” She doesn’t stop cutting, not even when she hits bone. Jason howls, tears streaming down his face. His legs kick out desperately. His other arm flails, nails scraping on the linoleum as they scramble for something to hold onto. This part is harder. Steph has to lean her full weight on the knife until, finally, there’s a resounding crack and Jason screams. “Okay, okay, it’s over,” Steph says when she’s made it all the way through.

Shit, there’s so much blood. How much blood loss is too much? She frantically pours on the peroxide, cursing her limited fourteen-year-old knowledge. Jason whines through the makeshift gag. Steph wraps layer after layer of gauze around the bloody stump. She has nothing to stitch it with and no way to cauterize it, so the tourniquet will have to hold until they get back to base and the others can take over. She finishes wrapping the wound the best she can. “Alright, I think—I think it’s done.” She shoves the bloody supplies into her bag. “C’mon, Jay, we need to go. You lost a lot of blood.” Jason doesn’t move. He’s breathing raggedly, fresh tears sliding down his sweaty cheeks. Steph tugs on his remaining arm, urging him to sit up. “Come on, Jason. Worst part’s over. We have to get back to the others.” “Just go,” Jason whimpers, his voice shuddering. Steph wants to scream at him. “No. Get up. We’re going back to the hideout, and you’re gonna be fine.” Whether you like it or not. Jason shakes his head. He’s too pale already. How much blood has he lost? How much does he have left? “Jason Peter Todd,” Steph snaps. She grabs the front of his bloodied shirt, trying to pull him upright. “You don’t get to do this. I’m not letting you lie down here and die. What about the others, huh? Dick and Cass and Damian, what about them? They need you, Jason. They need us to get back alive, but I can’t do that if you don’t get the fuck up.” She pulls harder, a sob punching its way out of her lungs. “Please.” Jason looks up at her, tears trailing down to his temples. Finally, he nods. Steph bullies him up to his feet, keeping a firm hold on him when he sways. She shrugs both of their bags over her shoulder and supports Jason’s weight on her other side. “See? We got this. You’re going to be fine. We’re both going to be fine.” Please, she sends up to the universe. Don’t let it all be for nothing. Steph makes an effort not to think about the severed arm on the floor as they shuffle out of the office, a tangled creature of boy and girl. It’ll probably be picked clean by zombies before morning, not unlike a chicken wing at a Superbowl party. Steph’s already unsteady gag reflex threatens to give, so she focuses on the task at hand. “It’s just three blocks. We can make it,” she says, more for herself than for Jason, whose eyelids droop dangerously as they walk. “We’ll make it.” It’s a long walk—longer than three blocks should be. But Jason is weak from pain and blood loss, so a slow stumble is already more than Steph can ask for. The gauze is staining through with red. Steph is the only thing keeping Jason’s barely conscious form upright at this point, but she doesn’t dare quit. She can’t.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thank god,” Tim says, throwing open the door of their disheveled excuse of a house, tucked in one of the few relatively safe areas of Gotham left. “I thought you two were—” That’s when Tim sees Jason’s arm, or lack thereof, and visibly pales. “Oh, crap.” “They’re back?” Dick appears behind Tim, nearly knocking the kid over in his haste. He’s grinning, but it quickly melts into horror. “Jason!” Dick rushes forward, supporting Jason’s other side. He helps Steph hobble him into the house. Jason’s head lolls forward dangerously. “What the hell happened?” “Bite,” is all Steph says. She can’t remember the last time she was so drained. “Had to cut it off. He’s lost a lot of blood.” “Jesus,” Dick breathes. He shouts into the house, “Barbara! Get the medical kit!” Everything after that happens in blurry, distorted flashes. Getting Jason to the room farthest from the rest, in case he still turns despite Steph’s efforts. Handing over the bag of pills to Barbara with a shaking hand that makes the bottles rattle like a thousand snakes. Backing out of the room while Dick and Barbara do their best to get the bleeding under control, preparing one of the bags of O-negative they scavenged from a fruitful run to the abandoned hospital last week. Steph doesn’t know how long she stands there outside the door, staring blankly at the cracked wood in front of her. “Steph?” Blue, blue eyes appear in front of hers, brimming with concern. “Are you…?” Tim’s eyes flick down to Steph’s shirt and hands. She’s covered in Jason’s blood. She feels it on her knees, crusted and sticky. She feels the rusty flakes between her fingers. Steph can’t hold in the sob that bursts through, having been held back for what feels like an eternity. She throws her arms around Tim’s neck and cries into his shoulder. He doesn’t complain about the blood that’s surely staining his own clothes. “It’s okay, Steph,” Tim tells her, holding her tight. “Barbara said he’ll be okay. You did the right thing. I know he won’t hold it against you.” Steph can’t respond, so she buries her face in his neck and cries harder instead.

[lunar-wandering]

“this house is a frickin’ nightmare”

so i. decided to write something for the ‘Sitcom’ AU, which is basically just the concept that post-canon, everyone lives in the same house.... its Fun.

Word Count: 2.7k

Read on Ao3

-

"Monkey King, get down from the fridge."

"No."

This exchange is what drew MK's attention to the fact that something was happening in the kitchen.

In MK's opinion, it was far too early for something to be happening in the kitchen.

"Wukong, I swear, if you don't get down from there-"

"What- you gonna stab me? Pigsy, you know full well that method is ineffective."

"What is going on?" MK asked, entering the kitchen and, well, seeing exactly what he had expected; Wukong crouched on top of the fridge, staring down at Pigsy, who was glaring up at him.

Still though. Just because he'd expected to see it didn't explain why it was happening.

"Oh hey, kid." Wukong said, taking notice of him. "Everything's fine, you can go back to your room, breakfast will be ready soon."

"It would be done already if you hadn't burned it." Pigsy said, gesturing to the charred remains of what supposedly had been breakfast. "Seriously, can't you follow simple instructions?? Now we've gotta start all over."

"It's not my fault I'm a visual learner." Wukong said, his tail swinging back and forth.

"It was three steps-"

"What's going on?"

MK barely kept himself from startling at the new voice behind him, turning around to see a very tired looking Red Son.

"Breakfast burned." MK said, catching Red Son up on the situation. Red Son hummed in contemplation, walking into the kitchen, picking up a piece of the unrecognizable charred food, and, ignoring the other's growing horror, he ate it.

"...Tastes fine to me." He said, going so far as to grab and nibble on another piece as he turned and left, presumably heading back to his room. The remaining three watched him go in shocked silence.

"....This house is a frickin' nightmare." Wukong deadpanned. Pigsy nodded in agreement.

"Aptly put. Now get off of the fridge."

"No."

MK decided to go back to bed.

-

It was commonly known, within the household, that somehow, Tang and Wukong continuously managed to get out of doing their fair share of the chores. No one was quite sure how they did it, as the two of them kept coming up with new methods every day.

Today's method was..... interesting, to say the least.

Somehow, someway, they had managed to remove their names from the Chore Roulette Wheel, without leaving any trace that their names had ever even been there. Which was, in fact, rather impressive, considering that the roulette wheel was literally a giant wooden roulette wheel, built by Sandy, and there were no empty spaces were their names used to be, they were just. Gone.

To be honest, MK would've never noticed if Mei hadn't pointed it out.

Now, there was a house-wide search for the two chore-shirkers.

"Found 'em yet?" MK yelled down the stairs into the basement. A few seconds passed, then a unanimous call of "No!" came. MK sighed. If the Spider-gang couldn't find Tang and Wukong down there, then they probably weren't there. (.....Probably. Wukong did have a lot of tricks up his sleeves, and MK didn't put it pass his mentor to use them for something like this.)

That checked off the majority of the house.... which only left-

An enraged scream (courtesy of Mei) from upstairs confirmed what MK had concluded.

They were on the roof.

MK rushed to the stairs, running up them-

Only to pause as he heard a yelp, and a flash of gold fell past the window, followed by a loud thud. MK leaned on the windowsill to look outside, just in time to see Tang fall past it. Wukong, a few branches and grass in his fur from his rough landing, summoned his cloud to catch Tang, before zooming away.

As MK would later find out, in the haste to escape Mei's wrath, Tang had actually pushed Wukong off the roof. Wukong, in return, had unceremoniously dropped Tang on the ground the first chance he got.

Both of their names were back on the roulette wheel by the next morning.

....They still managed to get out of doing their chores though.

-

"Oh, hey Macaque." MK mumbled, tiredly rubbing his eyes, and Macaque, mid-way through stealing a snack out of the fridge, froze like a deer in the headlights.

"Uh.....hey, bud." He said, slowly closing the fridge door, glancing at MK, who was obviously very tired, then looking at the clock on the wall.

2:43 AM. Okay, he could work with this.

"What are you doing up so late?" Macaque asked, leaning casually against the fridge in an attempt to hide his nervousness. If MK had been more awake, he would've noticed and called him out on it, but as it was....

"Just woke up.... wanted to get a snack." MK said, and Macaque quickly opened a nearby cupboard.

"Here, have this." He said, putting a cookie in MK's hands, before grabbing him by the shoulders, turning him around, and gently shoving him back towards his room. "Now go back to bed."

"G'night, Macaque." MK said, nibbling on his cookie.

"Goodnight, MK." Macaque sighed, waiting until he heard MK's bedroom door click closed again before melting back into the shadows.

The next morning, MK thought he had dreamt the whole thing. After all, Macaque had vehemently denied the invitation to live in the house with everyone else, surely if he had changed his mind and started to live with them, someone would've noticed.

....Right?

-

"Monkey King?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you always sleep on the roof?" Red Son asked, "I mean, you do have a room after all, why don't you use it?"

"I just like watching the stars." Wukong said, reclining on his cloud. Suddenly, Mei and MK also appeared beside Red Son, with their arms crossed, looking unimpressed.

"You told me that beds were uncomfortable." Mei said.

"And you told me that you liked the breeze." MK added. Wukong's tail bristled a little, but he still didn't look over at them.

"Well, I mean, all of those are true." Wukong said, "Figured I would just... switch my answers up from time to time, keep things entertaining you know?"

"That doesn't explain why you slept out there in the pouring rain." Mei said, "In fact, the only time we've seen you sleep inside is when we have blanket fort night."

"...The rain was nice?" Wukong said, sounding uncertain. The trio narrowed their eyes.

"Is there something wrong with your room?" Red Son asked, and Wukong flinched.

"No." He said, finally sitting up and looking at them. "Really, my room's perfectly fine, I don't know where you're getting the idea that something's wrong-"

"You're doing that nervous smile again." MK said, and Wukong slammed a hand over his mouth in an attempt to hide what the trio had already seen.

There was a moment of silence, and in that moment, each member of the traffic light trio came to a shared conclusion.

No matter the cost, they would get into Wukong's room.

Almost as though they had actually planned it, the trio took off towards the staircase, ignoring Wukong's yells for them to stop. Hurriedly, Wukong summoned two clones, then rushed after the trio.

Red on got caught on the stairs, the clone grabbing hold of the edge of his coat and dragging him down. It wouldn't be able to hold him for long of course, his fire could quickly burn the clone away, but it would still manage to slow him down.

Mei was captured in the hallway, the clone pushing off the wall to tackle her, accidentally knocking her right into Yin and Jin's room, pining her to the ground as the twins yelped in shock.

...Which just left MK.

Having trained with the Monkey King, MK found himself easily dodging Wukong's attempts to catch him. Slightly out of breath, he skidded to a stop in front of Wukong's door, turned the knob, and opened it.

"I don't really see what the problem is, the room looks fine to me-" MK said, stepping into the room.

"Kid, wait-" Wukong started to say, but it was too late.

MK tripped, tumbling into the room, dispelling the illusion Wukong had carefully crafted and placed over it.

Wukong's room was a mess, to put things lightly. There was stuff everywhere- books, clothes, antiques, food, you named it, it was probably there. It was to the point where there was no place to sleep, the bed being covered in stuff. Which, well, that explained the whole 'sleeping on the roof' thing, but still.

Wukong nervously shifted from foot to foot in the doorway. Red Son and Mei, who had succeeded in freeing themselves, as well as Yin and Jin, who had gotten curious from all the commotion, stared over Wukong's shoulders, taking in the state of the room.

MK sat there for a moment, looking at the mess (and sure, MK's room was messy too, but this-), before slowly turning around to look at his mentor, a serious expression on his face.

"Wukong." MK said, and Wukong stiffened, his nervous smile growing wider at the sound of MK saying his name instead of his title.

"...Yeah?" Wukong said, chuckling nervously as MK's look darkened.

"...I'm getting Sandy."

"Wait, no no no-"

The rest of the day was spent cleaning up Wukong's room, sorting through the piles upon piles of stuff.

Wukong, in a bout of spite, still slept on the roof anyways.

-

Yin and Jin stared in shock at the scene in front of them.

Everyone in the house knew that Wukong and Tang adamantly avoided doing their share of the chores. (The roof-pushing incident was still fresh in everyone's minds, after all).

So that's why seeing Wukong doing the laundry was very out of place.

"...What are you two staring at?" Wukong asked, snapping the twins out of their shocked reverie.

"It's just....weird to see you doing the laundry, that's all." Yin said, and that-

Well, surprisingly enough, that made Wukong actually pause.

"It is?" He asked, slowly setting the laundry basket down on the ground, subtly nudging it under a nearby table so that it was now out of view.

"Well, I mean, with how you and Mr. Tang utilize every method possible to avoid doing the chores, we never thought we'd actually see you doing one." Jin said.

"...I see." Wukong said, quietly. "Well, in that case. You two saw nothing."

"Wha-"

Not giving them a chance to respond, Wukong flashed a peace sign, then vanished, leaving the twins to sputter in disbelief.

(Later, Macaque returned to the laundry room to pick up the clothes he'd left behind.)

-

Syntax paused as he stared at the sight before him.

"...What is this?" He ased, drawing the attention of the occupants in the living room.

"A braid train!" MK replied, and honestly, that's what it was. MK sat on the floor, braiding Bai He's hair, Bai He braiding Red Son's, who was braiding Mei's hair. Mei pulled one hand out of Spider Queen's hair to give Syntax a little wave before returning to braiding the queen's hair. Spider Queen gently weaved Huntsman's hair into a braid that looked above professional level. Huntsman was twisted at an odd angle in order to put some braids in Sandy's beard. And Sandy carefully created some tiny braids in Wukong's fur."

"I....see." Syntax said, holding up his phone and taking a quick picture before any of the braid train participants could notice.

"Do you wanna join?" MK asked, "You can either braid my hair or get yours braided by Monkey King. Your choice."

Syntax took a moment to think about it.

He ended up braiding MK's hair.

-

There was someone in the shower.

Now, usually, this wouldn't be such a mind-boggling thing, but-

All of the house's occupants stared at the bathroom door in trepidation.

"You sure Wukong didn't just accidentally leave the shower on again?" Princess Iron Fan asked, prompting some indignant sputtering from Wukong, who was sitting on Demon Bull King's shoulder. MK shook his head in the negative.

"No, I'm sure I heard someone moving in there." He said, crossing his arms.

"Why don't you or Monkey King just use your true sight and get this whole mystery over with?" Jin asked.

"Yeah, we've already been waiting for like, 20 minutes." Yin said.

"They're in the shower." MK said, "I'm not just gonna invade their privacy like that, regardless of who they are."

The shower turned off, and everyone turned to stare at the door again, in silence. There was some rustling around, and then the door opened.

Macaque. It was Macaque. Who, upon realizing that literally the entire household was standing in front of him, froze.

And then immediately tried to turn and run.

"Oh no you don't." Wukong said, jumping off of Demon Bull King's shoulder, and outright tackling the other monkey to the ground. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I live here?" Macaque said, sitting up and shoving Wukong off of him.

"You turned down the invitation to come and live with us though...." Wukong said, slowly standing back up. ".....How long have you been here?"

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks?!" Everyone went into various states of shock.

"How could we not have noticed you?" MK asked.

"You- you did notice me though." Macaque said, "Like, we had a whole conversation in the kitchen at around 3 AM."

"You think I remember what happens at 3 am?!" MK said, holding his head in his hands, and Red Son comfortingly patted him on the back.

"What happens at 3 AM stays at 3 AM." Red Son said, sounding like he was saying some ancient wisdom despite the actual sentence being utter nonsense. Yin and Jin snapped their fingers as a look of realization appeared on their faces. 

"That's why we saw Wukong doing the laundry the other day." Yin said, "It was Macaque in disguise!"

"....Yeah, I figured you'd notice if I didn't do some chores, just to clean up after myself." Macaque sighed, and Pigsy turned to glare at Wukong and Tang.

"See? Even the ex-villain does more chores than you two." He said, and Wukong and Tang purposefully looked away, whistling innocently.

"Wait." Mei said, "If you've been here for two weeks, and we haven't seen you use any of the bedrooms... then where have you been sleeping?"

As it turned out, Macaque had been spending his nights in the storage closet, curled up in the darkest corner of the room with nothing other than a blanket and a small pillow. The others, of course, deemed this as unacceptable, and pretty much near shoved him into one of the leftover bed rooms.

...Which he didn't even end up using that night, as it ended up being a night where everyone ended up falling asleep in the living room, blankets and pillows strewn about everywhere.

The next morning, Macaque wasn't there when the others woke up, and there was a brief moment of panic over the monkey's whereabouts-

And then said monkey walked back into the room, using the shadows to help him carry some trays with breakfast on it.

He paused when he registered that everyone was staring at him.

"....What?" He asked, "I woke up first, that means I had breakfast duty, right?"

"I mean.....yeah." MK said, graciously accepting his plate of food. "But, to be honest. I kinda expected you to burn it like Monkey King did."

"Hey, I did that on purpose. For Red Son." Wukong said, "Cause, y'know. He likes charred food. Apparently."

"You did not do that on purpose and we all know it." Pigsy said, "You were just as unaware of Red Son's dietary habits as the rest of us."

"...I literally just woke up and I'm kinda feeling attacked." Red Son mumbled, sitting up. "Should I feel like I'm being attacked?"

"No, you're fine, we're just calling out Wukong again." Spider Queen whispered to him, and Red Son hummed before rolling back over, clearly intending on getting a few more minutes of rest despite the argument starting to occur in the room. Macaque, for his part, remained standing frozen, with MK standing beside him, nibbling at the food on his plate.

"....Should I be concerned about this?" Macaque asked, staring at the fight taking place. MK shrugged.

"Nah." He said, "This is just the same shit as always."

[nobodycallsmerae]

Hello, Hello!

Soo, a few days back, I had shared a post asking for some BBRae AU fanfiction recommendations, so, let's put the fact aside that it didn't really help... but now, I'm here to share some stories that I've read, and I recommend reading!

So, this list only consists of AU (Alternate Universe) stories where they aren't superheroes, so you can skip it if you want ^^

So... I won't rank them, because I think every story is amazing, (and I'm pretty easy to please,) so, I'm just assorting them as I keep collecting the links :) Also, I'll try my best to review the stories without giving away any spoilers...

Firstly, there are too many good fics to count, but here I am mentioning the ones which stood up in my mental folder. (Also, it only includes completed stories.)

This list includes all types of stories, high school, co-workers, roommates and all... the ratings are between T-M.

(Links lead to stories on Fanfiction.net.)

The Butterfly Effect -by Light NS | Rated M for semi-sexually explicit material and topics of depression and suicide.

This story definitely comes in my top-5 list blindly, and it deserves so much more! The story is about Gar and Raven, who are adults now... and let's just say there are far too many coincidences in this one! It's a lovely story with also a healthy amount of tension... because, I personally believe it can't be BBRae without some arguments *shruggs*. You should definitely check it out if you haven't already!!

Broken -by LightNS | Rated T

Oofff... okay, so this story is actually one of the first BBRae stories I've read and it's really close to my heart...

First of all, I want to say that the characters in this story are freakishly accurate. I mean, the personalities are on-point. In this story, the Titans are high schoolers, but this isn't exactly a high school romance kinda book. To be honest, this isn't exactly a romance book..(?) It's more like an action/thriller... And... it isn't heavily a BBRae book... I mean, yeah, it is based on those two characters, and Gar spends most of his time crushing on her... but, y'know, it's a book that shows both of them growing... and learning about each other -and themselves.

The writer does an amazing job to portray the character's feelings and personalities, and I'm sure her writing won't disappoint you.

The only drawback this story has is... well, it has a discontinued sequel named "Glass", so, it's kinda sad that, I mean, I've fallen in love with those characters... but, they don't really have a happy ending soo…

This writer is also on Tumblr, @lightns881 , so you can also visit her blog and support her!

By the way, there're also really great BBRae communities to be found on Fanfiction.net and you can check them out for more fun stuff to read. The ones I thoroughly recommend are:

"Best Of BBRae" which basically has all the goodness, IU and AU (but, it's a bit old so... you might not see newer fics there.); and

"Best Of BBRae AU's" which is a collection of one of the best AU stories.

Moving on...

Everything Has Changed -by Chibi 1309 | Rated M for Mature themes and language.

This story also comes in my beloved top-5 list!!

I don't really know what to say about this story without ruining it, but if you're on the lookout for an adult Titans BBRae fic, this is definitely your stop. Well, let me just say that, Gar and Rachel are best friends, a troupe I personally adore, and they live together in an apartment in Jump City.

This story has a lot... I mean, A LOT of feels, and the writer... *chef kiss* She really knows what she's doing. May it be the setting, the characters, the emotions... the author could deliver it wonderfully.

It also has a lot of other Titan members, so I like the fact that it also gives us an insight on what's going on in their lives too, rather than just Gar and Rachel.

Hands up in surrender, I won't say anything else, because I don't trust my mouth (or fingers), but this work is definitely a must read.

"Spy vs Spy" by Caitastrophe8499 | Rated M for mature themes, violence, and adult situations.

This... is a masterpiece people. You should definitely read it... like RIGHT NOW!

In this story, Gar and Rae are from rival agencies, Doom Patrol and Titans, and as fate has it, they're forced to work together. Neither of them are happy about it, because of each other's cocky and standoffish attitude and as both of them work best solo... and also... both of them hate each other... at first. This book, it includes lots of action, and if you knew me, you'll know that I am a sucker for crime and thriller. I mean, this story in itself is so great, it could be adapted into an ACTION MOVIE!! Or maybe a graphic novel to start with. :)

And what's best about it is, it doesn't only show two people romance each other, it shows a group of people working together to catch a deadly villain. I won't say much more to build suspense, but all I'll say is, it's entertaining, spicy, and the character dynamic fit perfectly with their relationship and situation, and if you haven't read it, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! CHECK IT OUT NOW!! This will probably be one of the best recommendations of your life.

Assuming -by magisterquinn | Rated T

This is a feel good, light-hearted BBRae story that I very much enjoyed. So, basically, it's about Raven (or is it Rachel, I forget), and how the (dashingly handsome and) annoying employee won't leave her alone. She also gets a series of mail that sparks her interest, and I don't trust myself to say more without spoiling it.

Magisterquinn, the author, has an amazing collection of the BBRae (AU) stories they've written, "Chivalry Isn't Dead", "Making Mr.Right" (a must read) and "In Paris" to name a few, so, I definitely recommend checking out their profile for amazing and clever reads.

The Malchior Widow -by beautifulpurpleflame | Rated M

...this story...all I wanna say is... if you haven't read it, you're missing out on something wonderful in your fangirl(/boy) life.

This story is based on my favorite troupe, which is where all Gar wants is for Raven to open up to him. It's like, Raven is a reserved, "untouchable" person, and Gar, being Gar... feels an urge to talk to her. After many, many attempts, when Gar finally talks to her, his friends are like, "How'd you get her to talk?" or "How's she open up to you?" and the response is, "No one's ever even tried before."

"The Malchior Widow" goes at a satisfying, feel-good pace... and it's one hell of a journey. I mean, as the title suggests, Raven's a widow, and she isn't exactly open to the possibility of loving... or trusting someone else yet. It shows not only both of them falling in love... but also understanding, knowing, and learning to trust each other.

Another good AU story by Beautifulpurpleflame is "The Beach House", so you can also read that.

Honorary mention::

"How To Save Her Life" (Rated T) by "Beautifulpurpleflame"

If you're looking for a wholesome, toe-curling good, filled with feels, amazing, awesome, family Titans BBRae story... this book will give you everything... or any of Beautifulpurpleflame's stories really...

I mean, that girl... is a legend... Her stories are so great.. just... I'm speechless

Don't forget to check 'em out.

You can also follow this amazing writer on Tumblr, @beautifulpurpleflame , and show her some love and support.

Okay, another story... Now this may be considered cheating, as I'm only including completed stories... but I couldn't stop myself from not mentioning this story...

Nevermore Records -by LilyTimbers | Rated T

According to the author, only one chapter and an epilogue is left... so, I guess we could wave it off with a yellow flag?

I, myself, can't go on a single day without music. And the idea of my favorite team of superheroes... being a Rock Band..? Boy, ya' don't gotta tell me twice!

This is a slow burn story, which includes Gar in his mid-twenties, along with the other Titans (except Raven), being a part of a Rock Band, which plays gigs at different places just as a side hobby. But, as they have real talent, they get a once in a life-time chance to be an officially labeled band, they're ought to be super hit. Here, we also see some other Titans, which is a real sight for sore eyes sometimes... But, just being good doesn't mean that everything's out for them in a gold platter. The team itself faces lots of challenges which is, truth be told, really entertaining. And the fact that Gar's love interest is his own manager? Oooh... you're up for a real good ride...

I'll keep the rest of the reading to you... and believe me, the story is waaay better than my small review.

The author is also an amazing artist, and has many beautiful BBRae fanarts on her Tumblr profile @lilytimbers , so you can follow her for updates! (though tbh I think you already do... but I felt like saying it, soo...)

If you're also a sucker for musical band based BBRae story, don't forget to check out

Harmony -by Kid Walker | Rated M

Here, Raven joins a singing group which does covers, and quite willingly, she can't seem to keep her eyes off of their leader/director, Gar Logan... and looks like he can't either. It's an amazing story, and I believe you'll really enjoy reading it!

(The story itself is complete, just some extra bonus chapters that the Author posts are yet to be updated, so I guess this story qualifies.)

.

There is also a huge collection of amazing BBRae AU stories on Wattpad, too many to count, but here are two stories that I remember... and had a good time reading...

(On Wattpad only: (and only completed ones.))

High School -by anssoftball94

Soo... as you might've guessed from the title, here Gar and Rae are high schoolers. They live together with Rick (Dick/Robin), Kory and Vic in the Tower. I guess we could call it a slow burn, and what I enjoy is it also has the other Titans in a satisfying amount.

What I love about this story is that Gar and Rae don't just jump into a romantic relationship (like most teens do, I'm just sayin'!) and start a romance, no. In this story, first, they understand each other... and in a subtle manner, fall for each other. It's a really sweet and practical story, and I really enjoyed it... (even though I had to wait for the ending for decades!!)

Just one thing that makes this story a bit weird is that instead of "Gar" or "Garfield", Beast Boy is mentioned as "Logan" throughout the whole story... so... it was a bit... y'know? *shruggs*. But otherwise it's a must read.

A+ -by NikolaDabrowska

This story, to be honest, will definitely qualify as a cliché high school romance, "popular basketball kid falls for introverted bookworm nerd", but I really enjoyed reading it.

I mean like, you know what they say about Disney Classics, right? Even though we've read Beauty and The Beast or Snow White, we still like to watch the movies..? This story's like that.

Even though the troupe is kinda cliché, the story itself is executed in a very engaging manner, with interesting character dynamics and some original plots, so, I would definitely recommend reading it. (I, myself, have read it more than five times...)

.

.

.

So, that was a list of the BBRae AU stories that I highly recommend! There are more amazing (and incomplete) stories out there to read, but these are just the ones I've thoroughly enjoyed (and remembered.)

Also, feel free to share your BBRae story, if you have written any, and I'll happily read and support your story!!

Happy Reading!

Quick endnote, if you've read this post till here, do me a favor and check out my stories too! ;)

On Fanfiction.net and Wattpad.

All of my stories are complete, instead of "Tease Is Just The Cover" on FF.net (which I don't think I'm gonna work on any time soon), so feel free to check 'em out!

Sorry for the advertising, but I also want an audience y'know?

THANK YOU! And I hope you have a good day/evening/night ahead!

[dancingazaleas]

zeke yeager | milc

okay ur literally gonna be like what’s a milc?

a milc is smth my old friend called me when we were talking about being parents and he said “mom i’d like to cherish” and it’s just stuck in my head. i wrote zeke for this cause i never write him and because i think it’d be interesting to see him in this scenario.

notes/warnings: fluff, cursing, reader is single mom, zeke and reader are like 23, modern AU

zeke feels stupid for not realizing that something was up the moment you gave him the spare key to your home.

he remembers what you told him; which was, “if i’m not home, use it. if i’m home, and not answering my phone then use it. just make sure you’re quiet.”

and now, he understands why.

zeke had forgotten his textbooks for the class the two of you had together at your house due to him hanging out and studying the previous night. normally, he would’ve been fine with you giving him to them the next morning. however, this time he needed them to study for the upcoming test you both had tomorrow.

when he decides to go retrieve his textbooks, it’s already 10:30 in the evening. you’re usually awake and free around this time, so he sees no issue with this and gets into his car to drive to your house. after parking by the curb, he goes up to your front door and stands next to it on his phone.

you: hey i’m outside ur door, i left my textbooks over here. let me in or i’m coming in on my own

you didn’t reply and zeke assumed that you were asleep. sighing in annoyance, he digs in his jacket pockets for his keys. the jingling of the metal echoed throughout the quiet neighborhood. his mind wondered to you; you must’ve been dead tired if you were asleep at 10 o’clock. you would usually stay up till at least 1 in the morning.

he walked in after he managed to unlock your door, and took a mental note to get you a keypad lock so he won’t stand outside your door for five minutes like an idiot. he had furrowed his eyebrows at the lack of light in your house. it was almost pitch black. you would usually keep on a lamp in your living room when he’d crash over at your place.

he walked quietly throughout your house after he toed off his shoes and turned on his phone flashlight. he swears quietly when he doesn’t see his textbooks on your kitchen table and the coffee table you have in your living room. they must be in your room.

as he walked, he stopped and stared at the door right across from your room. even though he was your boyfriend, you had let to let him inside the mysterious room. you would even avoid the conversation about it, and whenever his curiosity got the better of him and he tried opening it; it was locked. he didn’t try opening it again.

he assumed it was still locked, it had been all those other nights he’d crash there, and made his way to your room. when he saw your door opened a crack, he felt like his heart was in his stomach. you never kept your door open while you slept, no matter what.

he swung the door open, the doorknob knocking against the wall and making a huge bang. he immediately saw you had jumped awake—there was a small nightlight by your bed—and screamed. as soon as you did so, he saw someone else sit up beside you.

he watched you frantically reach over to turn your lamp on. your face paled whenever the lamp came on and you saw his face. he looked down towards your waist and saw a child staring back at him.

“zeke, wait—“

“is that YOUR kid?”

said kid, hid her face in your shirt when he gestured to her. you looked at her, eyebrows raised in both dear and concern and then looked back up at him. he was standing closer to you now.

“yes, she’s my kid,” you looked back at her as you uttered those words.

“oh my god, why the fuck did you decide not to tell me,” he slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration.

“cause i knew you’d be a dickwad, which you’re being at the moment,” you swung your legs over to where they hung off. your daughter scooted closer and whined when she saw you moving away.

“well, it’s probably because you never told me! when were you gonna tell me you had a daughter?” he hissed motioning to her.

before you could say anything, your daughter called your name.

“what is it, baby? are mommy and mommy’s friend scaring you,” you spoke softly and zeke shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and sat down in the chair at your desk.

the small girl nodded, and you pulled her in for a hug whilst cooing at her, “mommy’s so sorry. i’m gonna need to talk to my friend, which means you’re going to have to sleep in your bed for tonight. can you introduce yourself before you do?”

she pulled away and nodded with a pout as you wiped away her tears. when she turned to zeke, that’s when he noticed she looked almost exactly like you. same nose, same hair, same cheeks, same eyes.

“hi... my name is irma,” she said shyly, seeming to be in fear of zeke.

he responded with a soft smile, “hi. i’m your mommy’s good friend. my name is zeke.”

as he talked, she stared him down and suddenly lit up like a lightbulb. she started to tug on your shirt excitedly, chanting the word “mommy!”.

“yes,” you chuckled and patted her head.

she pointed to zeke, “that’s the man on your phone!!”

you responded by blushing in embarrassment and an awkward laugh while zeke raised his eyebrow, “yes, he is. and now that you’ve met mister zeke, it’s bed time.”

before irma could respond, you’re already carrying her to her room, the room right across from your’s. zeke huffs and flops back against the chair. this was a bit annoying.

you came back yawning, lazily shutting your bedroom door behind you.

“so, why didn’t you tell me,” zeke quirked an eyebrow while you flopped back down onto your bed.

“cause i was afraid you’d break up with me. most guys find that to be a turn-off. guys have dumped me before because of it,” you sighed and put your arm over your eyes.

zeke stayed silent, rubbing his jaw with his thumb and index finger.

“well,” you spoke, “you still ‘all in’ or not?”

zeke laughed a little at your joke, “i’m still all in.”

you shot back up with a gaping mouth, “really?!! why?!!”

“well one, i love you, believe it or not. two..... well... yeah, that’s all i got.”

“but you were so pissed earlier!”

zeke scoffed, “no shit sherlock, anyone would be. i wasn’t mad or turned off that you’ve gotta kid. i was mad cause you didn’t tell me from the beginning. sure, i might’ve been reluctant cause i’ve never really interacted with kids, but in the end i would’ve still gone out with you. i don’t think any less of you.”

“sorry. i used to do that whenever guys asked me out—tell them i mean—and they would all go wide eyed and say nevermind,” you were looking at your hands and picking at the skin around them anxiously.

“fuck em’. i understand that, but i promise ya that it’s way better to tell them straight off the bat,” you laughed at his honesty.

“yeah, fuck em’,” you repeated, “so, why did you slam my door open?”

“i saw it was cracked open. i know how stingy you are when it comes to sleeping with the door open,” he leaned a hand on his knee.

“aww,” you cooed at him, “you care~!”

zeke rolled his eyes and got out of his seat to sit next to you. he gave you a soft and endearing kiss on your lips. you pulled away, only to crack the stupidest fucking joke.

“does this make me a milf,” you bit your lip to contain the large grin that was starting to show up on your face.

“you stopped kissing me to make a fucking joke?” you nodded at his question.

“well, does it?”

zeke rolled his eyes and gave you another kiss on your cheek, “yeah, i guess it does. but it makes you a milc too.”

“the fuck is a ‘milc’,” you raised an eyebrow while he cupped your cheeks.

“mom i’d like to cherish,” he whispered, kissing you again before you could even react.