#autism is killing me please

[onesaltybagel]

I CANT TAKE IT

SPOILER BUT THE SEASON 5 TRAILER CAME OUT‼️‼️‼️

THE ANIMATION IS SO WEIRD AND IS DRIVING MY AUTISM HATE OF CHANGE CRAZY BUT I DONT CARE ANYMORE IM GOING TO EXPLODE!!! IM GOING TO IMPLODE!! THEY PUT THE CIRCLET BACK?!?!?!? NOOO! NO!!! NEZHA??,!? MONKIE FORM CONFIRMED!!! SANDY LOSING HIS COOL?!?! WHAT MADE HIM ANGRY PLEASE NO!!!

This season is going to DESTROY ME. Like, this season is going to tear. Me. Apart. I can't do it!!! I CANT IM GOING TO HAVE A BREAKDOWN!!

Ahgagsfhsfstaghsgahsvajgahsvsgsjislskkshahgshagshsghsgshsghsgshsgjsgjsgjsgsjsgsjgsjsgsjgshsgshshsjhsjsidkjehshhsusgegshgsjsyshsuhshshshsghsgshshshshhshs

[crabussy]

turned in my psychology essay with the adrenaline levels of a recently retired racing greyhound who just accidentally ingested a bathtub of black coffee but its okay I survived. thank god I don't have unmedicated adhd or anything like that which would cause me to have this experience every single time I have to complete work. wouldn't that be funny. it would be funny. it would. be so funny if that was the case I'm so relieved that its not the case

[deadandphilgames]

crying at this thread 😭

[soullessjack]

it genuinely kills me very slowly to think that some people can only ever think of jack as the destiel kid and not like an actual person with a myriad of maladjustments or silly funny personality quirks. like he has a whole special red and white fleece lined Christmas jacket and is canonically acknowledged as looking like a stupid hot white boy without any thoughts behind his eyes. He killed a whole fucking archangel and then decided that he really wanted to try making some friends like a week later. they wanna be normal and nice so bad and pretend to be some normal small town boy next door all the time but they were literally so angry once that it took three gunshots fired in the back to make him calm and reasonable.

he stress eats and stays in their room for weeks on end when they’re depressed or upset. they line their shoes up and fold their shirts and wear bright yellow vans and red hi-tops. he’s narratively paralleled to Anakin but his favorite character is Ahsoka. he pretended to be a coke addict and pretended to be a pretty new boy next door again to flirt with a hopelessly romantic girl. women want him and he’s absolutely clueless about it. women and men and probably fish fear him too. he dresses like a combination between an elderly man and a 70’s sitcom hippie. he was literally called Bieber and Suite Life. they like stripe patterns and Hawaiian pizza and movies and computers.

they’re literally an autistic person who just explodes shit when they get overstimulated. They watch riverdale and constantly sweep their hair back in a specific stylistic choice bc he likes looking like that. he fucking decapitated a whole Gorgon and then stole the guy’s snake as a trophy. he says shut up when he’s mad and calls things stupid and says they suck. he’s a teenage girl. he’s. A Teenage boy. He’s non-binary. He sat on the throne of god in grass stained jeans and clunky grandpa sneakers and left it all behind without even blinking as soon as his shitty bunker home called out to him. He sticks his tongue out when he’s focused on something and his left eye pulls up into a squint when he smiles reallt wide and his smile is crooked and he has sleepy eyelids . They decided to defy death herself just to rescue someone he mildly remembered caring about once and then blackmailed a reaper into helping with said rescue plan.

He got turned into the tiniest ugliest dog ever and got a thermometer shoved up his ass in the same episode where he’s narratively symbolized by the ouroboros symbol and makes the deliberate choice of destroying his soul just to selfishly keep his family bc he legitimately cannot handle thinking about losing them without going insane. his nicknames are sweetheart and darling boy and pal and buddy and Jackie Boy and slugger and he apologized to a girl for upsetting her like two episodes after ripping a man’s heart out and eating it raw. He literally actively wants to be a silly little guy that everyone likes but he’s so insane and unwell at the same time. he’s the best character ever and I need the entire world to understand this and to see him as more than just the destiel baby or I will also explode. .

[fortunatefires]

[i-eat-homeless-people]

why did they write me so autism coded?

[gender-goth]

DETECTIVE ID PACK

self - indulgent.

[PT: Detective ID Pack. self-indulgent /end PT]

Names

[PT: Names. /end PT]

Dean, Dee, Tec, Clu, Myst, Noir(e), Sher(lock), Watson, Holmes, Dex, Conan, Cleo, Vera, Vesta, Vesper, Indigo, Selma, Velma, Daphne, Dot / Dottie, Iris, Verity, Sylvia, Sylvi, Silver, Zero, Neil, Elmer, Adler, Scarlet, Locke, Harper, Sam, Blythe, Harley, Quinn, Jules, River(s), Darcie / Darcy, Nancy, Duncan, Augustus / Augustine, Darwin, Blanc, Columbus, Poe, Poirot

Pronouns

[PT: Pronouns. /end PT]

detect/detective, case/cases, file/files, evidence/evidences, myst/mystery, sleu/sleuth or sleuth/sleuths, noir(e)/noir(e)s, magni/magnifying, magnifying/glass, glass/glasses, clue/clues, invest/investigate, hypo/hypothesis, murder/murders, crime/crimes, scene/scenes, crime/scene, tape/tapes, solve/solves, stole/stolen, rob/robs, rob/robbery, private/privates, watch/watches, eye/eyes, see/sees, stake/stakes, stake/out

Titles

[PT: Titles. /end PT]

The Sly Detective, The Detective Of The Night, The Detective Who Works Hard To Solve Cases, The Detective Of Many Files, [Prn] Who Has Many Files On [Prns] Desk, The Coffee-Addicted Detective, [Prn] Who Stays Up All Night To Solve The Case, The Mystery Cracker, The Ace Detective, The Sluggish Detective, The Detective Who Dare Not Pass Up A Case, The Crime-Fighting Detective, The One Who Solves A Cold Case, The Prince Detective, The (In)Famous Detective, The Shadow Detective, The Two-Faced Detective, The Shady Detective, The Sinister Detective, [Prn] Who Slacks On Cases, The Seductive Detective, The Lady Detective, The Detective Who Works Quick, [Prn] Who Will Catch The Culprit, [Prn] Who Vows To Catch The Culprit, The Detective Who Wraps Up Loose Ends

Labels

Detectivegender, Noirfilmic, Detectivic, Deceptective, Detectiveprince, Detectilasleepic, Detectivix, Columbogender, Sleuthlexic, Nonniumgender, Thiex, Detectimysteric, Magnificoric, Detective Transmasc, Detective Femme, Detective Butch, Detective Aroace, Conanic, Happydetectic, Notecramic / Detectivey, Detectlita

*any titles with detective can be replaced with Investigator, Sleuth, Private, etc!

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Help. Pls seal a competent doctor in an envelope and send them to me.

OK. I'm in danger. Ha. Still fighting to stay alive with what I have, but... uh... Two out of three doctors are confirmed incompetent and the third hasn't acquitted himself too well, but I'm not positive he's lacking information I need to live and resistant to learn it. The other two are definitely like that, and that's not good for the ol' complicated health problems. I'm not easy to treat and BOY DO THEY ALL HATE THAT!

Today was the gynecologist. I hate that. I hate having one of those. I hate having to navigate all this gendered shit that's phrased like people like me don't exist. Forget "nonbinary," I have to keep saying "total hysterectomy" over and over and OVER. I hate that this person sees me as NOTHING BUT my gendered body parts and she's REAPEATEDLY refused to engage with anything going on in the rest of my body. I go to this person's office and I become tits and a vagina. Mainly the vagina. With people intermittently forgetting I don't have the other standard equipment.

I didn't know how to prepare for today. I had a week. I made a phone appointment in order to beg for an in-person appointment to lay out all my complicated shit, and she tried to take care of it over the phone anyway. I had not prepared for that. I mentioned that my hair was falling out, as a persistent menopause symptom that was not being addressed, and she focused on that, interrupted me, and went off on how she could not regrow my hair. And, OK. But that wasn't what I meant and she didn't give me room to explain what I DID mean. I did manage to be annoying enough to get the in-person appointment. And then I didn't know what I ought to take with me.

I spent all week going in circles, wondering what she needed to know, and how to say it so she'd understand. I do have the neurodivergent inclination to, you know, explain things when I'm not understood. And I don't know how else to make a doctor understand the type of healthcare I need! Shouldn't they listen to me? I have ample evidence that they don't, but I don't know how they expect to treat me otherwise.

Over the phone, she hit me out of left field with the fact that she's been dragging her feet on my estrogen dose because I had a bad reaction to ONE MEDICATION, ONE TIME. I don't even know if it was the estrogen, it could've been a binding agent or some shit. She decided that for me, she also decided my breast pain was from too much estrogen (even though my dose is at post-menopausal levels) and she's been prescribing me medicine based on that story she told herself.

I told her my experience is that I've never had more breast pain with a higher hormone dose, it's always gotten better... and I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe me. Like, I said that, and she reiterated later that more estrogen causes breast pain. I reiterated, that wasn't my experience and I do have anecdotal evidence at least of women who have breast pain from low estrogen too. She basically went, "OK, here's some higher estrogen. Whatever."

Then I said I was also willing to use the injectable kind, or an implant. Oral estrogen hurt my liver earlier, so I agree with her that something other than that would be safer. I thought she would know about these other methods. I did not research their existence. I mean, estrogen injections? I'm active in trans circles, that's just... That's shit's not special. That's just Tuesday.

She said, "What is that? I've never heard of that." She didn't even know enough about it to think, for a second, "Hmm, maybe I should know about that. Maybe I shouldn't admit I don't know that." Nope. I'm asking for weird medication and the burden is on me to explain this craziness.

What I wanted to say was, "Don't you know even one transwoman? Aren't you in women's health??" But I didn't know what the hell that was gonna get me. I sputtered for a bit and finally managed, "That's... pretty basic gender clinic stuff..."

She said, "Do you want me to refer you to a gender clinic?" right away. Fuck, I should've just said, "YES! I WANT THAT SO MUCH! LET ME GO!" But I was so baffled and confused at that point that I was shaking.

The spouse found a name of an injectable estrogen brand and offered it to her. She had a look at his phone and said, "I don't know what that is and I'm not going to prescribe it if I don't know what it is." She offered a referral to another doctor that does, "Off-label stuff, the crazy stuff the rest of us don't want to deal with." Ha-ha, okay. Cool. Yeah. That's me!

So I have a new patch with more estrogen in it and GOD HELP ME if I have a bad reaction to it. I've never been on this particular type of estradiol before, but I wasn't getting any traction when I asserted there are different kinds of estrogen that I may tolerate better or not as well. No acknowledgement. No engagement. More irrelevant information from the special snowflake who looks things up on the internet and thinks they're smarter than a doctor. Fucking hell, BUT I KNOW WHAT ESTROGEN INJECTIONS ARE.

Oh, and because we waited over an hour past our appointment time to get in, the garage where we parked our car closed before we could get out. We had to beg to be let in. While I was melting down and feeling like I was gonna pass out.

I got a soda and some nuggets, I'm fine. I lived. I got home and looked up injectable estrogen + Canada, because, deep down, I do doubt myself and wonder if I'm insane. Maybe Canadian transwoman suck their hormones out of the mighty moose, fuck if I know. But, uh, no. It's a thing. Yeah. Pretty basic thing. Once weekly injections. No public option for it, though. Trans folks pay extra to be who they are!

Here's the kicker, while we were waiting for the nuggets and soda, the spouse said, "While she was saying that she didn't know what it was, the poster behind her, with the birth control options? Estrogen injection is the third one on there."

"God, why didn't you just point to it?"

"I didn't know what she'd do."

That's... Probably pretty wise, yeah. I don't think she would've done anything GOOD.

I'm not being allowed to participate in my own healthcare as an equal partner. People are just... making decisions for me and never telling me. And they fight me when I say it's not helping and I try to give them some reasons why. They want me to take what they give me and shut up. But that'll KILL me. It HAS BEEN KILLING ME.

The family doctor is at the root of this, he's in charge of everything. I can't get rid of him. I'm trying, but it's not set up so I can get rid of him. There isn't another doctor available who I can switch to. Clinics are filling the gaps, but I can't shitcan my actual doctor to get care on random from a clinic. They won't let me. I'm not familiar with this system. I know someone who knows it better and they're willing to help. We're going to have to get back in touch with them, and I hope they know what to do.

At the moment... I'm not safe. I'm not getting good care. I'm getting bullying, gaslighting and apathy. So much that I worry about posting this stuff on the internet. Like all y'all aren't going to believe me either. Surely, I must be exaggerating. This is... This reads like warmed-over Kafka, or Catch-22. This is my life. For now. While I'm able to fight for it.

[milo-the-professional-yapper]

Working through Penumbra season one and oh god fuck I forgot about the kissing.

As someone who’s aroace and hates the sound of literally anyone kissing, this is my personal hell.

[saintseiya-thoughts]

Bronze Saints positions if they were in a kpop group or something this came to me in a fever dream (reminder for non kpop stans, position go main > lead > sub)

Visual is like, the pretty one, and maknae is the youngest, it's not exactly a position I like Seiya being the youngest ‼️

Also I tried to go with the vibe, tbf I have no idea what I'm doing except having fun...I don't even know if it's an actual AU or anything. I say kpop but idol group is probably more accurate idk ??? Do other idols group have positions like this ?? There's this french group with big inspirations from kpop but isn't actually a kpop group who has positions like this so idk I guess it's something like this !!! 😭 this is just a silly post...

Seiya - Main vocalist, sub rapper, maknae

Shiryu - Main dancer, lead rapper, leader because let my have my leader Shiryu dreams

Hyôga - Lead dancer, lead rapper, maybe sub vocalist ?? Idk, but he gives an all rounder vibe kinda

Shun - Visual, lead vocalist, sub dancer

(Ikki would be a manager sorry, no way you'll see him dance and sing on scene he's not giving idol AT ALL)

[ame-chan-unoffical]

i wanna like use a wooden spear to rip my veins out of my arms like its noodles out an instant noodles cup

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating

it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It

it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this

[jayzzu]

tbhfication of puss. thats all

[soullessjack]

having favorite characters from media with vastly different ideas on morality or like anything ever is so much fun. here’s blorbo bingus who actively kills everyone he doesn’t like and here’s grongo buppy who believes in the magic of friendship and forgiveness and they’re best friends to me

[angelkeitai]

me watching a random admin call me hardheaded and threaten to suspend me because i wouldnt go inside the Loud Area due to me having SevereSensoryIssues (im killing her in my mind

[ask-frater-imperator]

// uh.. hi? I saw a post similar to what I wanted to say now- if anyone is going to the ghovie showing at Cinemark Egyptian 24 and XD near Hanover MD on the 20th at around 7, I SHOULD be there around 5 if anyone would like to say hi! <333

And now a few rules if I may

Please don't take pictures of me or be creepy or anything. Please don't try and stalk me either, I know I don't have many followers here, but... yeah- (I WILL BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. THAT ALSO INCLUDES THEM.)

I'll most likely be posting my outfit for the ghovie as well!! So uh- yeah!-

The 'Rules' are for my safety and others, not trying to be rude or mean at all!! I'm fine if anyone wants to say hi or talk for a bit, I'm mainly only posting this bc I'll be there for a while and probably bored