#bc i have no sense of emotional self preservation

[beescake]

yea i very much agree with ur take on sollux in his relation to older technology, u get it

please id love if youd share some more of ur analysis on his character (as well as ur art bc that shit is 👌👌👌)

either way, thanks for feeding my brain worms

im glad it resonated!! :') always happy to explore his character, he contains multitudes!!!

i think i may be out of sollux analysis for now, in the sense where i don't have anything new to add that hasn't already been covered in these posts? (please add if there's more...)

why i like sollux (lackadaisicallexicon, 2014)

comprehensive sollux status guide (syblatortue, 2016)

bioware machine (lime-bloods, 2016)

fridgestuck (LaureledEevees, 2017)

mary sue (3d-gla22e2, 2019)

favorite sollux trait (3d-gla22e2, 2020)

doom-bound static (gendertrickster, 2023)

however i will say there's another thing i really like abt him:

his Range!

he has a v flexible face.. even with his neutral expression, you cant help but read a tinge of melancholy/pensiveness to it.

he deters people from getting too comfortable with him by acting crude, but no matter how unapproachable he looks you can't help but wonder if he's ok. seems like he's never content with himself.

just like karkat, anger gives him purpose = something to care about & react to. without it he can appear aimless/uncertain.

it's especially interesting when you compare him to aradia, who despite having endured a lot of shit, ends up enjoying the freedom of expanding her worldview, riding the unpredictable tide of the narrative and observing the changes. sollux... doesn't.

he doesn't like watching major things progress in a way he can't predict. the lack of certainty actually overwhelms him.

and it's pretty clear why; imagine the only reassurance you get after unknowingly killing ur gf is that "it needed to happen". the only way to appease that sort of emotional turmoil is by intellectualizing those events as inevitable and out of your control.

(hs, A6I5)

when you’re just a tool for the author, trying to sit out is just feeble self-preservation until you’re needed again. if you’re not called on stage to help/assist in some way, it feels like your presence spells doom (either you or someone else will get hurt). so you avoid Events as best you can.

[razberrypuck]

I'm trying to put this into fancy words and proper character analysis but I NEED to publicly state that qcharlie's identity (or rather, lack thereof) is The Main Contributor for a LOT of his issues. he's always defined himself exclusively based off of the people around him. he has NEVER been just charlie. and the only time he's been alone for an extended period of time WASN'T to do some much needed soul-searching or healing, but to punish himself. and the combination of grief and self hatred and MONTHS of self-imposed isolation fucked him up so bad that he went into a period of total emotional shutdown (a state that everyone on the island found him more tolerable in. im never gonna get over that bit. its so fucked.) and now we're here, and he's losing himself all over again, and he doesn't have the self preservation skills to DO anything about it. and I don't have a proper conclusion to this post but I hope it makes sense bc I am losing my MIND over this fucking guy

[grendel-menz]

hi hi do u have more info abt ada? she’s so cool

Omg yeah!!

She’s one of my older OCs and belongs in The Sticks story. She’s Kamila’s younger sister by 3 years, and a big people person.

I wanted to put a spin on the ‘innocent/bright eyed/kinder than most’ little sister character type by having Ada be this person who’s too giving and kind due to a lack of self respect and preservation. She’s a doormat and is often treated as a pseudo-therapist or mother to others despite being one of the younger characters; taking on burden after burden with a smile only to stress in private.

Ada’s an optimist who has doubts about staying that way, and lives for others. Rashaad (her husband) and Trevor (her found family) are really the only ones who know her deeply enough and are around her often enough to really get the pressures she suffers from, internal and external. Her sister, Kamila, is too wrapped up in her own self loathing to see how large her sister’s is. Kamila is also just a lot less outwardly emotional than Ada and gets rattled when it comes to comfort or comforting. Kamila thinks she ruined Ada by being a bad sister and Ada thinks Kamila hung the sun and stars.

Also sorry it’s sadder gdgdgdgd. She’s pretty goofy outside of her funks, and has a sense of humor that’s very Facebook mom. She owns a lot of minions coffee mugs and mustache patterned clothes. Ada buys Rashaad a lot of frankly tasteless and corny shirts and dutifully he wears them all.

She’s definitely a character that’s tough to write, not because I don’t know her throughly bc honestly she’s one of the most fleshed I out characters I have, but because I’m an older sister and I stew. I love her sm.

[thieves-in-the-palace]

jumps into ur ask box hello. hi. what are ur ng+ time loop thoughtz

god i have. a lot of thoughts about ng+ time loops in general. in relation to this post tho i specifically have Some Thoughts about Akira going through the loops trying to figure out why he's stuck there, how to get out, etc and also having to contend with Akechi dying every time but also like…the inevitable emotional cycles that come with watching the same guy die over and over.

✧ "Who is more unlucky here? The one who will die every time but never remember? Or the one who will live every time and always remember?" –> "Me. I'm the more unlucky one. What's this dude's fucking problem" –> "What's MY fucking problem? Why does this keep happening to me? Why doesn't anyone else remember? Why can't I escape this? Why does Akechi have to die every time??" –> "What's this dude's FUCKING problem–"

✧ does it count as a parasocial relationship if you know the guy irl and also it's based on the weird sense of kinship that comes with being doomed to repeatedly live through the same year over and over while he's doomed to die every time. hand in hand they are BOTH doomed baybee

✧ You know how Akechi is often portrayed as having Death Note-esque internal monologues when interacting with Akira? That but Akira is having his own wildly different internal monologue that sounds a lot like "okay you shit idiot. what's it gonna take to keep you from dying"

✧ The rest of the Thieves are surprised when Akira doesn't seem to react to Akechi's death, but they figure he's trying to keep it together for the sake of the mission. Truly tho Akira is mentally cussing Akechi out and lamenting the fact they're gonna have to fight god again soon. rip lawboy you would've loved fighting ol' yaldy

✧ Futaba hacks Akira's phone (for enrichment) and sees his most recent google search "is it bad to stop feeling bad after the 15th time you watch the same person die or are you allowed to start getting annoyed about it" – maybe he's going through something similar to what she went through w/ her mom? She starts prodding him about his past, but it doesn't really get her anywhere…

(If u want to get even more into Game-Based Reality Nonsense u could even say that Futaba can't find anything on Akira aside from his criminal record. No hospital records, no school info, no nothing. It's like the guy didn't even exist before the day he got arrested. Akira might not have any answers either, which, u know, doesn't help with the mental strain caused by being stuck in a time loop. Does he even exist outside of the loop? If the loop ended, would he disappear with it? etc etc)

✧ At the beginning of each loop, Akira makes a list of things that might break the time loop, updating it as needed. "Akechi survives" is at the top of the list every time bc it's one of the only things that never happens.

✧ Akira just generally having a slightly shorter temper w/ Akechi bc truly. How do u go through this sort of ordeal w/o wanting to rattle him like a maraca after a point. He won't hesitate to call Akechi cringe when the guy leans too heavily on his Pleasant Lawboy™ persona.

They wind up sparring in Mementos more frequently bc this Akira is more willing to entertain Akechi's bloodlust; fighting is a good outlet for Akira's own frustrations. Akechi keeps getting more and more annoyed each time tho bc why tf can this attic trash keep up with him? How is he predicting Akechi's attacks so well? (Akechi's going to start spitting fire if he ever finds out Akira has been holding back during their fights lmao. Akira can easily trounce him in 1v1 since like…3 loops ago?)

✧ Akira spending so much time annoyed and even furious w/ Akechi for not having enough self-preservation to survive even one loop only to ultimately circle right back into The Guilt + Sorrow bc god, all this time and he still can't figure out how to keep this fuckhead alive?

And it IS guilt Akira feels, unfortunately. Makoto and Futaba were both antagonistic towards the Phantom Thieves at first, too. Just spending some time with them was enough to reveal how getting screwed over by adults guided their actions; it doesn't absolve them of threatening the group, but it makes them easier to forgive.

Akira wonders, sometimes, if he's too quick to forgive Akechi. He's killed people, and he claims to be perfectly okay with being a murderer so long as it means he can reach his goals. But Akechi is a liar all the way down, too, because a cold-hearted killer wouldn't sacrifice himself for his enemies. He wouldn't give up his only shot at vengeance so easily after going through years of hell to achieve it. Yet Akechi still dies in that boiler room every time. Akechi never truly hates Akira, and Akira can't quite bring himself to ever truly hate Akechi, either.

But then Akira sees Akechi alive and well and smiling for the camera in the next loop, and he gets the abrupt urge to lay the guy out.

✧ "I want you to live. I also never want to see you again."

✧ And all of this is w/o getting into P5R's third semester hijinks. Akira thinking he's finally escaped the time loop only to realize that something Worse is happening now.

And Akechi is still there, because of fucking course he is–

[keikakudom]

Lemme try and make sense of Vox's mindset, and correct me if I get anything wrong?

I think Vox in RR!au hardly actually thinks about suicide. He's too much of a busy man to do that, after all! Thinking about death is for people with too much time on their hands, who don't have to deal with a billion problems on the daily. And sure, maybe it wouldn't be a terrible accident if he was locked out on extermination day one year (not that there's exterminations anymore), but he'll never bother to actively seek it -- why would he? He has things to do. Empires to run/build. Deals to make. Resorts to run, residents to settle, princesses to talk to.

Really, everything would be just fine and dandy, as long as progress is being made, nothing goes wrong at the resort, heaven doesn't come down for no good reason, and that deer freak manage to not bother him for a single day. All dandy!

So what if he's been going through business ventures like someone going through Doritos at the back of the car? It's difficult to stay on top, in Hell, and he can't rely on tech or media forever, not when they cycle faster and faster(and he would know, of course, his whole body is made of it). He's doing what it takes, and if it's risky, what business isn't?

And re: Alastor, vox may have once had feelings for him, but now it's probably soured into maybe wishing that Alastor would just fuck off somewhere where he'll never be heard from again. I think Vox knows very well from years of companionship that Alastor considers him a source of amusement and entertainment rather than an equal, and that hasn't truly changed even after he left, and in a way that has to bite? That Alastor cannot leave it alone, has to make his opinions and disdain clear to all of hell every single day, and also make it clear that vox cannot do anything to stop him (that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence).

Like the way I interpret canon!vox's feelings re:alastor has a lot more insecurity and the desire to show he's stronger now, he's over it, he doesn't need him, than just being rejected romantically, and in contrast RR!vox grinned and bore it longer without letting on, and then at some point just gave up, by which time his feelings have soured so far past insecurity and bitterness into straight up nihilism. (Doomed yaoi my fav)

Ok I'm just rambling now but yeah I think vox in RR!au is really really interesting? Bc he's y'know not in the best place but also he's fine. He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

*drops my glass of milk* yea, this all. Checks out.

(that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence)

I think RR!Alastor is also chasing RR!Vox because he knows something is really wrong when Vox wants to cut something *fundamental to his functions* out from his life... If Alastor had any heat to his words, he could do some serious damage to Vox.

But Alastor was not able to reciprocate back then(or in general) the way Vox ever wanted him to. Alastor might think, "What's so wrong about being amusing to me? What's so wrong in being cared for that way?" But we know that Vox, even in canon, is pretty damn emotional. A confession was bound to happen, but since RR!Vox never did, he opt'd to shut them off. It started off with distractions, and those worked too well. Eventually he gave up trying to figure out his emotions and took the "easy" way out, nihilism--but like everything Vox dips his foot into, it's never enough. Only this time it's not only power(like I interpret canon!Vox to seek) that's growing/he's greedy for, it's this all-encompassing void.

Another interesting characterization to tack onto RR!AU Vox is his strong lack of self-preservation, I did mention it here when I had some thoughts on canon!Vox, but rather than "confidence", he does not care. And on occasion, he can go irrationally, batshit crazy for the same reason.

Let's set the stage in hmm, 1980s? He starts not to care about smaller allies, the people he stomps on, eating them up to become an overlord. Recruits Valentino, doesn't care that Val is immoral. At first it's "not his business", but it starts spreading. What is it that he's looking for? Power? Love? Entertainment? People to accept him?

Which is why RR!Vox decided to jump the gun a little bit and shoot for becoming a form of "GOD", aka the original reason for all his anguish in Hell(his religious roots as a human). It's kind of...an endpoint? It's not the most sane, or sensical route-- but he doesn't care that much. He's functioning on this tired/desensitized, pseudo-robotic, logical reasoning with a combo of "oh god I'm running out of interest"(in existing/running himself to the ground). So....hm, "fine" is a tragic word, indeed.

He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

Welllll, he did always want to go out with a bang. If he did. I don't know, something really big. Like becoming God! Yeah.....That'd do it.

IMO, the premise of RR!AU isn't in stasis-- the reason Vox picked up this project in particular is an aggressive move. He's no longer distributing the same amount of work to the other Vees either anymore, so there is....some urgency, is what I like to think....

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi rae!! The new chapter was like a punch in the gut and yes i say this after every chapter u can sue me

So yes. Sirius fades away every passing chapter i'm feeling so sad on his behalf my poor baby :(( him not accepting when remus offers to go to his place because he thinks he cannot bear that intimacy at the moment and also him not being able to feel a spark even when he was with his moony :((((

And remus not being able to bear the sight of s when he seemed hollow despite it was actually probably the highest point for s in a while... Like yes remus is the king of denial and he might pretend there's nothing substantial between them but he cares so much and it shows between his cracks and it's devastating

Like this part rly broke me a little, the way he turns to reg for support even though he doesn't like him, bc maybe he thinks reg is the only one who could understand and back him up? He risks the ultimate mission bc he saw sirius at his low™ and it only rly gets worse for sirius since they spend the night together. And he knows but he can't even do something about it. And to think that the sirius he's so worried about isn't even his sirius bc his sirius betrayed his trust when the trust in question took maybe years to build. His fight for his feelings, the contrast between his views and the things sirius has done, his final acceptance of sirius, his confession, all thrown away in a night. Also the irony that the betrayal of sirius came from a place of loyalty to the group and to the mission in a way, when the initial distrust of remus was bc he thought s was the opposite of these traits. In his eyes sirius finally changed, but also that change was the thing that split them apart <//3

And sirius accepted risking his life for the mission even though he can't really feel what he once felt for the group, he can't really understand (even if it makes sense to him that he would do the things he is shown doing) bc he has no recollection of actually living through the past years. And despite that he still risks his life because sacrificing himself for his brother and the people he might have loved seems alright to him? Even though he cannot remember loving those people? Even though he hasn't seen his assumed dead brother in years? It has always been loyalty for sirius and it's tearing me apart :((

So thank you for the new chapter it's great in an emotional torture-y kind of way so naturally i loved every second of reading it <33 hope life is being kind and delicate with you <3

hiiii love these little chats of ours xx

i love writing a character spiraling what can i say...especially love when it happens 2 s i want him dead inside etc...would apologize but i'm not very sorry am i xx

& literally was giggling & kicking my feet writing that scene w r lol i was like hehe s is gonna see a memory of him being devastated...they will never actually talk about it in person of course <3 perfect...

& yes u get it like. the irony of it all...s becoming a better person being both the thing that results in love & simultaneously erases it (literally!). i love when relationships r doomed sooo fun!! & yeah him accepting this mission now is like. partially that loyalty but at the same time coming from the fact that like. much of his past self-preservation has been eaten thru by his rapidly deteriorating emotional state...like before he was scared of dying but more scared of his loved ones dying. now he's still scared of his loved ones dying but is also like. well maybe it wouldn't even be so bad if i died...

anyway. u r welcome of course ty 4 the kind words etc <3 <3

[basilibino]

Season 8 was like 6 years ago(I feel old) and I know ppl have differing opinions on the Mr Echo thing (but it was intended, made it to storyboard and blocked animation and then dropped, soooo) but. I can see his recruitment p easily tbh. Bc the whole reason Dr J was in that lighthouse was because he was resurrected, forced there, and ordered to build Skulkin vehicles by Samukai. But Samukai in the flashback we see has already been deposed as leader of the Skulkin/Underworld. Which means the orders to do so most likely came from Garmadon.

And since Mr. E is one of the head honchos, he's likely an early arrival to the team, so I don't think Harumi has a whole lot figured out at this point, she's just got her Trauma and some Bad Influence Friends and an obsession with Lord Garmadon. So. Like. Plausible deniability road trip that she's just visiting important markers of Ninjago's recent past, all of which involve Lord Garmadon in some meaningful way; its sightseeing, its cathartic, and it gives her time to develop her dream Motorcycle Gang/Resurrection Cult. She's not looking for anyone at the Lighthouse, but she is looking for vehicle blueprints so she can be the Koolest leader on the block. But oops she looks in the basement and there's an Echo.

And she's flipping out bc??? A Ninja???? In the Lighthouse basement??? I mean it makes sense that it would be this one but???

Except this rusty old robot has no idea what she's talking about with this Ninja stuff, he's just waiting for his dad to come back.

And Harumi pauses.

Because how long has he been waiting? He's not sure, he had no proper way to measure time in the basement, and he doesn't have the best view of his clockwork heartpiece. But it was after his father saw a strange ship docking; Echo was worried it was the People who had locked up his father in the first place, but instead his dad sounded happy when he saw whoever was out there. It could have been a front, though, as clearly it was never safe to let Echo back out. Then Dr J popped down briefly, while everyone above was resting, to tell Echo he was desperately needed elsewhere, that it wasn't safe to bring Echo, but that he'd be back in no time.

And the pieces are fitting together for Harumi. And she's like. Your dad's dead, bro.

And he's like. What? Did he die doing what was needed of him?

And she's like. Oh, no. He died a few years later.

And he's like. Why didn't he come back for me????

And she's like. Probably because they kept him away.

And he's like. Who's they?

And she's like. The Ninja I was talking about earlier.

And it surely can't be hard in universe to find pictures of Zane and Dr J post s2-pre s3, so she pulls one up and shows Echo who is freaking out bc why is that one kind of like him and Harumi explains that that was the droid his father created first, that he became a Ninja, and that hes probably the one who took their father away and kept echo waiting for years.

But Echo has doubts, shocked as he is abt a new older brother, he wants to believe the good in the situation so he's unsure. But Harumi mentions that the Ninja's failures to uphold more than their self preservation/interests has led to uncountable losses and devastation in Ninjago time and time again, before delving into her own story. And she seems so kind, and so hurt, and I do think there's a genuine connection btwn these two that forms from this shared emotional torment that they decide came from the Ninja, and now Echo is more receptive.

And then Harumi gets to start her Garmadon pitch because wait! If Echo was made here, then that could only have happened because of Lord Garmadon. And she reiterates that he's the reason she and her city could have even survived The Great Devourer. And maybe Echo's family-by-creation left, maybe they were untrustworthy and lacking, but that's OK bc if you look at it all a certain way, Garmadon is more of a father to Echo than Dr J was. And Echo is a vulnerable, overwhelmed mess who just found out his dad fucked off for years without him and also died, and also he has a brother??? Who their dad clearly seems to have favored??? Did they even know about Echo??? Did they delight in their life free of him???

Basically. Kinda Spinel-core but getting abandoned and left completely alone does that to you. Especially when the first person to find you after being abandoned is a deeply hurt and misguided teen who is probably kinda desperate for someone, anyone else to see the Ninja the way she sees them.

[hekateinhell]

Louis/ Lestat/ Armand: “ I want to go home.” 

for the five sentences writing meme!

in my heart this takes place shortly post-BC ♥

It's nonsensical, Lestat knows this.

He was home.

Home at Auvergne, home in this castle with its stone walls. And yet the thought sprung unbidden into his mind with all the urgency and anguish of a lost child: "I want to go home..." Skittering like an insect in his skull, knocking the breath out of him, almost causing him to shatter in the pen gripped tightly in his hand. The instinct to flee from the intensity of emotion making every muscle in his body tense in expectation of an imaginary blow.

There's something though, some nagging and grudgingly formed sentiment of self-preservation that's guiding him now, urging him to his senses to hone in on the two hearts in the entire castle that mean the most to him.

His refuge, the two beings whom Lestat's hurt the most in his long immortal life and who have hurt him back just as much. The two who have loved him the most over the past two hundred years and whom Lestat has loved every bit in return.

It's a hypnotic sound, galvanizing him right out of his chair and down the corridors—a man in a trance, Sleeping Beauty to the spindle—the dual heartbeats of Louis and Armand pulsating in perfect sync and in close proximity.

He finds them in Louis's rooms, of course. Utterly nude and tucked up into a semblance of mortal slumber in the ornate four-post bed. Lilies in a vase on the bedside table lending a heady perfume to this lovers' tableau.

Lestat bit his lip.

Armand had always been more successful at getting Louis to shed his maddening façade of morality and decorum. But that was Armand's way, wasn't it? The expert seductor.

You're thinking much too loudly, Armand's soft telepathic voice cut through the turmoil in Lestat's weary head.

Am I, imp? there's no bite to it, the events of the past couple weeks having left Lestat feeling thoroughly declawed.

Join us, Lestat. The only thing stopping you is you. Armand batting his sooty lashes up at him from his prone position, a greedy tease.

Auburn hair splayed out over Louis's narrow chest, pale apple cheek pressing onto the dark hair there, bare thigh slung casually over Louis's hip, delicate fingers still clinging to inky curls at the nape of Louis's neck.

And Louis! How exquisitely did his beauty shine with a dark flush of blood highlighting the dramatic planes of his aristocratic face, long lashes casting shadows over angular cheekbones as he dreamt mortal dreams.

An electrifying thrill jolts through Lestat when he recognizes the source of the blood in him, making the connection between Armand's pallid little face and Louis's seemingly living one, blissed in repose.

His throat suddenly burning with the need to taste Louis and Armand as one, as if Lestat's never had a drink in his life. Hunger almost too much to bear because it's really a combination of the three of them that he's smelling: his powerful blood in Louis's veins now melded with Armand's to create the most intoxicating fusion.

He sees himself in Armand's mind as he crawls towards them on all fours like a starving panther, something feral and desperate. Pupils blown wide, mouth open and fangs peeking out in anticipation, delirious with indecision as to which one he will claim first, craving the fervent delight of the conquer.

Lestat's only thought, only idea, only discernable desire is to ravage them, devour them whole, make for Louis and Armand a home inside of himself so that he may never feel homesick again.

[some-murmurings]

so I've known I was system (unclear if I'm workin with OSDD 1-b or HC-DID) for ~2 years now, and I feel like I've gotten just about everything out of exploring it I can for the foreseeable future.

One of the things I've really struggled with is that so many systems are deeply invested in Fandom and I, bluntly, am not.

Not a judgment, just not something that appeals to me much for whatever reason(s). I bring this up because, when I was first exploring our system, I found there was way too much instability to identify/create concrete coherent "alters" in the common sense. My response to this obstacle was to use SimplyPlural as a shell for short-form poetry (generally prosaic bc formatting is hell on mobile) and engage with my 'selves' as closer to extremely distinct "modes of being" rather than full people.

Again, not a judgment, systems are different for the exact same reasons any people are different. I made just as many (if not more) totally subjective judgments about what my "self" and "selves" really were. I do, however, think the differences between me and the predominant system culture on Tumblr are EXTREMELY interesting and imply a bunch of cool stuff about the nature of our identities (and identity in general (but that's for later)).

For one: much of your "system" is utterly constructed. It's built. It's the result of an honest-to-god artistic process of deepset self-reflection, a series of creative social choices to present yourself(s) to others in the best way you know how. This is HOW any of this is real, not some "gotcha" that proves we're all fake or w/e.

For traumagenic systems, there's an underlying pathology that informs these choices in (as far as the medical discourse is concerned) that the neurological mechanisms which primarily influence self-identification are heavily disrupted, leading patients to actively create lenses they can view themselves through (or so the story goes, issues w/ this narrative imo).

I think it's extremely notable that many "endogenic" systems 1) have trauma disorders that disrupt their sense of self (e.g. OCD w/ psychotic symptoms) or 2) otherwise have environmental stressors that create similar emotional conditions to the "actual DID" systems among us (📮)

So, yeah, Endogenic systems ARE choosing to be like that. OSDDID systems are too. The self is always a social construct. This isn't news.

I do, however, see a common tendency (especially among 'bodily a minor' systems) to engage super carelessly with this artistic process.

This should be fun, it should be expressive, play is extremely important to human health, and you should totally be as imaginative as possible. The weirder you are, the better.

But. Shit like "bodily a minor"? Horrible idea. Really catastrophically bad idea, y'all, there are SO MANY different ways to explore the internal mechanics of your system that do not actively jeopardize your safety in the way and to the degree that misrepresenting your physical age does.

I think the feelings that the "mental age vs body age" dichotomy reflects are totally valid and SHOULD be expressed, I just don't think we're doing it smartly.

I respect age regression 100% but, psychologically, age regression is completely different from age advancement. Completely. It's a one way road.

So far, my best bet for expressing the "older" parts of us is to talk about parenthood instead. Caretaking. Or, responsibility, ethics. Sometimes we identify with eternal/timeless concepts, like "nighttime" or "love." That way the realities of age (and thus existing safety measures) are preserved while still allowing you to communicate effectively with other people.

I have more thoughts & critiques that I'll post more about later, for those interested, but if you want to see what I meant by "shell poetry" or "modes of being" my SP is:

the-murmuring-system

[horizon-verizon]

It feels that Alicent’s never truly growing as a character, it’s confusing to me to see the path they’re going making her remain the SAME from episode nine when season two Alicent is supposed to see her grandson being * in front of her, I thought she would change but apparently not. And I don’t mean like she can’t be sad ofc she can, her family is being torn apart, but like…not even a little bit of rage ? Is she really fighting her own sons, same ones she encouraged to take the throne for YEARS, telling them to just now stop and not act ? Doesn’t make sense.

the trailer shows her say that she doesn't want them to prevail "like this". so basically, again, the peacemaking and reduction of any possible violence. which on the face, yeah, reduce any possibility of violence or escalations to wars.

the thing is that SHE has has prepared her kids to see Rhaenyra as both their enemy and as a thief of their "birthright" in a world where such things/usurpations tend to be violent no matter how ill-prepared a side is AND practiced emotional violence against Rhaenyra and would have ruined her kids lives because Rhaenyra didn't conform to "duty and sacrifice". In other words, she has actually made the situation much worse than it could have been years ago.

This woman isn't as "peace-loving" and minded as some people think. The whole "women as peacekeepers for violent men" they have had going on since at least episode 8 to validate Rhaenyra's reserve in reaction to Aegon's coronation was always disengenuously used to futilized any ambition or self assertion these women could have had both before and at the moment of the war's beginning. Aside from Alicent's desire to make Rhaenyra recognize her as her superior as her "due" for her abuse that she herself doesn't fully understand as unfair but really part of "how things should be".

What Alicent wants is to justify the status quo's illusion of peace (that she has not really realized is an illusion, thus her constant attempts at moderation) when it's always really been about preserving itself. what she wants is the facade of the status quo's righteousness to be real.

when season two Alicent is supposed to see her grandson being * in front of her,

I don't know if bk!Alicent was even there when Jaehaerys was killed, because wouldn't we have heard her try to speak to the murderers along with Helaena or try to get those boys behind her or something? Just bc Helaena walked to Alicent's apartments with her kids for a vicit, doesn't mean Alicent was in them at the time.

Sure, we should wait for the actual season for how and why we are seeing the things we are seeing in all these trailers...but considering what we saw in season 1 be confirmed in these trailers AND if the writers wish to be consistent with their own inconsistencies of season 1, they'd have to continue with those things already critiqued...yeah, I just don't have the hope that the writing and how they will adapt the story/war's beginning will be very good. again, I'm excited for the dragons, Baela, Aegon being burned alive, and something I'm forgetting.

[andro-dino]

Hi sorry for the ask jumpscare. I've been craving some Nile angst recently and may you could provide some of that Nile angst. (bc I randomly remembered the unrequited love Nile/Kyouya clip a while back. But it doesn't have to be about that.)

oooouhhh Nile angst,,, I haven’t had any angst thoughts in a while.

I think Nile’s interesting bc despite what he goes through, he’s actually very levelheaded and calm about it most of the time. I think he’s a very logical person and able to kinda see a lot of situations two steps ahead already, so he’s able to keep cool (for the most part) in the present. I think there’s a lot you could do with that there. I think the most obvious one is the emotional repression angle, where he’s almost too far ahead to the point where he’s not really letting himself feel in the moment. Like, he’s surprisingly chill about Kyoya’s outburst and split off from the group in fury considering how close they are, and he justifies that knowing that that’s just the kind of person Kyoya is and he wouldn’t expect him to stay tied down to something for long, and yet there’s still something about it that makes his stomach turn. He knows Kyoya’s a free spirit and not necessarily the friendliest person, so this isn’t really that out of character for him, yet part of him still wanted Kyoya to consider him a little more. For how close he thought the two were, they weren’t really getting much time together, and now with this, it only made him feel less secure about their bond. It’s kind of a feeling of his rationalism clashing with his own feelings and attachments, yk?

Another route I actually remembered I have thought a bit about before is how much Nile worries over Kyoya. Nile cares for Kyoya a ton, more than Kyoya probably even realizes, but he also knows that Kyoya has NO sense of self preservation and just wishes he would stop being so goddamn stubborn and reckless all the time. This thought is kinda inspired by wild fang vs gan gan galaxy, where Kyoya is super beat up and in no shape to battle after his battle with Gingka, yet still insists on going out there, despite Nile’s protests. Again, Nile kinda just accepts this as part of Kyoya’s character, but it worries him so much. I can definitely see and argument breaking out about that, and I think it could be interesting if Nile argued in this case that it’s selfish of Kyoya to be so reckless because of how much it disregards everyone else around him. It’s selfish because every time he does it, Nile is worried sick about what might happen to him, and he doesn’t even take the time to think about how his actions are causing that and considering anyone’s feelings besides his own. Like, not to pull out the “Why can’t you take care of yourself, if not for yourself then for me?” right now but like basically that. I’ve thought about this idea more lightheartedly before (I have an old ass doodle somewhere of Nile bandaging Kyoya up while the two yell at each other, ala “THIS IS STUPID IM FINE CHRIST THAT HURTS” “WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERENT GOING AROUND OVEREXERTING YOURSELF AND THROWING YOURSELF INTO TORNADOES, NEITHER OF US WOULD BE IN THIS SITUATION”) but I think it’s a very easy concept to make more angsty if you add more heartache into it.

Nile in general strikes me as the kind of independent but lonely type. In my head at least, he has a kind of duality between being fine on his own, and even preferring it at most points, but so desperately craving human connection and care. I think that’s part of what lets he and Kyoya get along so well in the first place, both are very free spirited and independent, but are able to understand each other and mesh more comfortably because of that. And with that, since there is a degree of yearning and relishing in that connection once he gets it, it’s only all the more confusing and painful once it’s called into question. Him kinda being under the impression that their relationship was something they both enjoyed more than being complete loners most of the time, yet he’s so willing to separate and say he doesn’t need anyone at all. Nile kinda figured they both needed each other a bit, so it’s strange realizing that may have been more one sided than he initially realized.

[fagtainsparklez]

im writing an au that is supposed to include everyone in the dsmp. but i am a humble enjoyer and dont know about lots of characters, purpled included. can i get a guidebook to writing cpurpled? any tropes to avoid, motivations you see people getting wrong, etc?

okay so. purpled is Interesting bc there's a lot of depth to his character in the sense that he himself is not self-aware of his own actions/wants, making for there being three purpleds: the purpled that he shows to others, the purpled he feels he is, and the true purpled he himself isn't even fully aware of. and depending on how deep you wanna explore into his character, that third one likely won't even come into play, because that is more of an instance of a character study/purpled-centric piece, but i'll go over it anyways, just in case! splitting this into parts below the cut to make categorizing things a bit easier :]

first, the basics:

purpled has a very. unique way of talking. in serious moments, he's calm, collected, and intimidating, and will act like you'd expect a broody teenaged mercenary to. most of the time, though, his speech pattern is the world's most ungodly mixture of teenage boy and starving victorian orphan.

in fight or flight, he chooses fight 100% of the time, even if that fight is not immediate.

purpled only cares about a handful of things: self-preservation, his image, and money. this doesn't necessarily mean he won't do "good" things, just that his motives are less about saving people and more about advancing his own agenda. during the red banquet, for example, he only saved the attendants because he was paid to. eret called him a hero for it, but it was nothing more than a matter of who paid more. his morals are extremely skewed,

but he's not inherently malicious. he's indifferent. his actions are logical, not emotional, so despite harming others for his own gain, he typically holds no ill-will towards them. for example, the wiki cites that he and bad have a negative relationship for betraying the eggpire during the banquet, but in reality, purpled really doesn't see bad in anything but a neutral way. there are very few people he holds either positive or negative emotions towards, as his default state is indifferent, but willing to go along with the other person's emotions if they pay enough.

the only people he does feel a semblance of strong emotions towards are: hannah, boomer, ponk, tubbo, jack, and quackity. he has positive personal relationships with hannah, boomer, ponk, and tubbo, seeing them as genuine friends. additionally, ponk, tubbo, and jack are fellow businessmen, which he very much admires. quackity, of course, is the one person on the list he has overtly negative feelings towards, something that possibly extended towards slime after the ln finale, as well. he has an Odd relationship with tommy in the sense that they're somewhat rivals, but not in the usual fandom sense where "oh they secretly care about each other because they're sworn rivals". purpled would sell tommy to satan for a single cornchip and not even blink. there's also dogchamp, his dog, which is i think the one True attachment he's ever had on the server.

business is very important to him! purpled only really cares to talk to people who he sees on a similar intellectual level as him, and business is the closest way to his heart, as seen with his relationship with ponk.

anyone he doesn't see on his level is "lesser". this is specifically highlighted with his viewpoint on slime, as he sees slime as nothing but a child who can't fend for himself and has to rely on quackity for everything. this viewpoint is, obviously, extremely untrue, because purpled is an unreliable narrator in every sense of the word.

he's very smart and extremely capable. if he sets his mind to something, he Will accomplish it through any means necessary, even at the cost of others.

he is also. just sillie. at least around those he trusts or is pretending to allow to get close to him (like fundy in ln). he pulls stupid pranks for stupid prizes. he's just a boy that really loves his dog. he's the server's strongest warrior yet he runs screaming from boomer because they threatened to child-leash him. do not be afraid to make him a freak (because trust me he Is one)

some deeper stuff! all of these things are unspoken, and things he himself is not aware of. a dive into his subconscious thoughts, if you will. if you're writing something deeper with him, these are things i recommend alluding towards/highlighting, but in a sense that only the audience is aware of. they're not things that should be Explicitly Stated, at least not by him/his pov. purpled has little to no true self-awareness, and when he does have moments of introspection, he Still manages to fuck that up, which i'll be getting into

purpled does not really feel any negative emotions other than rage and spite. or, more accurately, he doesn't let himself feel anything other than rage or spite. when lamenting about his loneliness on the server, he immediately spins it into a revenge plot, believing it'll be solved as soon as he gets his just desserts. he does feel and process positive emotions, it's just negative ones he pushes aside for the sake of anger.

this is because, inherently, purpled does not believe he is in the wrong. ever. everything is always the fault of others, which is why he results to anger, because that's what happens when he pushes blame onto other people. he doesn't ever accept that his actions can be detrimental to himself, and that his issues are always the fault of others. for example, he believes that the reason his legacy on the server was "ruined" was because of quackity's intervention. while quackity's destruction of his ufo certainly didn't help, purpled's core issue was himself. his own self-isolation is what started the downfall of his legacy, and his continued isolation is what sealed its fate.

his inability to process his true emotions/wants makes him very prone to self-sabotage, although he believes the path he chooses is the right one. due to quackity's intervention, he believes that he wants a legacy to have power and to be remembered. when he laid out his issues, however, his biggest hang-up was that "if he asked people on the server to name three things about him, none of them could". deep down, what he wanted was a sense of connection, of building a legacy through the bonds formed with others, but he was unable to realize that.

he's so fucking stupid. all of this is me trying to say he's a fucking idiot. he has the emotional capacity of a pet rock with angry eyebrows drawn onto it. he's hypocritical and not even aware of it. i don't think he has the emotional ability to know what hypocrisy is.

the most important thing, though, is to not woobify him into the "manipulated minors" trope. purpled was not manipulated, and although his age plays into the tragedy of his character on a meta-level, it has no true importance to his actions/story. and although i gush about him a lot, and there are reasons to why he acts the way he does, he is not a good person. i can explain why he does what he does all i want, but at his core he is flawed and antagonistic. that's what makes him so good!! he is not a good person, he knows he's not a good person, and unless he's purposefully playing that role in order to deceive someone, he doesn't pretend to be one, and is up-front with others about that fact.

[starlit-hopes-and-dreams]

Whump Intro

Hi, hello! 

Um, I’ve been avoiding this intro bc I am a shy awkward hermit that usually just lurks and likes stuff, but that doesn’t really work on Tumblr so here I am! Plus I wanted to use Whumptober to force myself into sharing my writing and figured it might be useful to introduce myself first.

You can call me starlit, or anna, or hey you, I don’t really care lol. She/her pronouns. I love reading fantasy & fantasy romance, writing, and playing RPG video games when I have the time (usually fantasy based-are we sensing a theme here? 😂)

Before we get to more about me nonsense-

Acknowledgements!

Shout out to @i-can-even-burn-salad

For beta reading for me and then being brave enough to share her stories with me. And for sucking me into Tumbler lol. And for talking to me all the time and making me laugh. And for being such a great person. <3

I love her writing and stories so much. Please, please, check her writing out. It's worth it, I promise! Bring tissues though!!

Best internet friend ever trophy, where is it? I need to send it… oh, there it is. Here you go, Elli! 🏆🎉💜

I haven't had the opportunity to check out many other blogs yet, bc someone has such an extensive back catalog 👀 😂 but tagged below is the one I have read. I devoured Traces in one day because it was so good. Highly recommend!

Traces by @whumping-in-the-wings - Thanks for writing such a great story! Can't wait to see what happens next :)

(Obligatory disclaimer: heed the warnings. They are well-tagged.)

I've got my eye on several other blogs once I have a little more time. Hope ya'll like spam likes/reblogs/comments, bc I'm a bit enthusiastic 😂

Ok, back to me, I suppose. Under the cut 🤣

I tend to use emojis excessively, but don’t expect me to know the meaning of them beyond face-value expressions. I shamelessly claim elder millennial status as an excuse (which means I’m 18+, obviously).

I’m audhd (combo autistic/adhd), but I didn’t find that out until earlier this year, so I’m still very used to tiptoeing around people and holding myself back out of self-preservation. Working on that though, bc I’m tired of that shit. 

Erm, also… fuck is my favorite word. If you don’t like foul language, I might not be a great fit for you. 

I joined Tumblr about a month ago, so I am still learning and ask for your patience. (I will probably be learning for quite some time, tbh) If I’m doing something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it.

Asks are welcome, although not sure what you would ask me lol. With asks, keep in mind that I’m literal as fuck and context is everything :D

As is fairly common from what I’ve seen in this community, I’ve daydreamed whump for as long as I can remember, and it’s nice to:

1. know what to call it 🥲

2. find someplace where I don’t feel weird about getting it out of my head and putting it on digital paper. Well, not quite as weird haha.

I’m super nervous to post on here, but that’s what I’m here for, so… deep breaths 😶

Likes: 

*Fantasy whump 

Magic w/ consequences

Captivity

Torture/punishments 

Restraints

Dub/non-con 

Emotional whump/angst 

Defiant whumpee

Breaking whumpee to the point of hopeless despair before building them back up again

Revenge against whumper 

Creepy/intimate whumper 

Named characters 

Recovery arcs, bonus points for romance <3

Eventual Happy endings after copious amounts of suffering

I write what I like, btw. I have written explicit romance previously, but I’m not sure if I will here.

I will try to be diligent with my warnings, but as those are new for me as well, I may miss some. Please let me know if I do and I will fix it! (within reason, don't ask me to tag something like sadness. that's a typical emotion. extremes like depression, yes. sadness, no.)

* Disclaimer: I will only ever write fantasy. I prefer to read fantasy as well, but I have made exceptions when I get the tropes I want :D 

Squicks: 

I’m willing to try most anything once. 

In general though, I tend to avoid cannibalism, major character death, hard-core conditioning, whumper redemptions, bad caretakers 

I’m excited to join the community here and looking forward to participating in Whumptober! I have no idea how well I’ll keep up since I only decided to write for it 3 days before the event, but I’m willing to try 😅

Even if I can’t keep up during October's events, I do plan to finish the storyline and there will be a happy end :D  

Fuck, this got long. Sorry!!!

See you all around! 💜

[wawamouse]

Pacific Rim AU

(This tiny little post has been sitting in my draft for literal months but hasn't really gone anywhere. But I'm tired of it being in my drafts)

TBH I don't think anyone in Oz is actually really drift compatible and if I was going to be realistic about creating an AU (haha) (as we know, it's very serious business), I think it’d make more sense that the Oz characters would all be living in a kaiju infested world doing shit other than piloting (black market harvesting, for example), BUT that being said, I think it would be FUNNY if they were co-pilots anyway

Miguel and Chico as jaeger co-pilots

They would still be capable of being at each other's throats even though they're copilots; you'd think being in each other's heads would prevent fights but you'd be wrong—just bc they understand each other's viewpoints doesn't mean they agree with each other when they're not piloting

The fact that they're often squabbling is a strength as well as a weakness because it makes them more combative and they have a very ruthless and agile fighting style. I think it'd all be a little showy, too. Like moments of dramatic flair, purely to look cool on the news lol. It totally wasn't necessary

Miguel can totally see all the lewd thoughts Chico has when they share a headspace but as is the way, he lets most thoughts drift by without comment. If CHICO sees a lewd thought, it is totally coming up in conversation outside of the jaeger, though. It's really annoying.

To that point, I envision an AU where they meet in pilot training and are sort of rivals, sort of friends. Neither of them think they’d be a match but the compatibility tests say otherwise and they are eventually assigned together, they hook up just to get it out of the way or some other bizarre logic that just blurs the lines of their relationship right off the bat and ends with them becoming on-again off-again FWB over the years (the on-again off-again part is in regard to whether or not they consider each other friends lmao)

According to the creator of the concept, being drift compatible is a choice, and so I think they’d go through a stretch where their sync falls under sustainable levels and they can't pilot together until they get over whatever the hell is their problem this time. In many ways, such a non problem when then fate of the world is at stake (like get it together, come on), but that’s also what would make it so 👌🏼 to me. The self sabotage of it all... I could see the main thing they fall out about being that Chico always wants to take risks/only thinks about eliminating the kaijus. He's not like suicidal about it but he just doesn't believe anything will ever happen to them. Miguel is in charge of having the self preservation instinct, and maybe after a battle where they lose some colleagues (insert appropriate canon parallel) and come close to death themselves, Miguel starts pulling back a bit. He doesn't just not want to die himself, he doesn't want to see CHICO die, but he expresses it as like "You're stupid!!" lol. And they've had this balance of being just friends who Sometimes fuck, no biggie (they're stuck in each other's heads all the time, it's bound to happen now and again, right?) that to rock it by expressing any kind of deeper emotion out loud is a No-no. (even though they drift together so they already KNOW what the other means to them).

Somehow the stubbornness with not communicating and admitting to anything leads them to falling out of sync (i.e, they both refuse to engage with each other), which burns even more and leads to more resentment. It's all a little stupid bc they've fought kaijus side by side but yet the possibility of vulnerability scares them both (it's what makes and breaks them ffjfj)

The thing that would bring them together again would be some deus ex machina "You're our last hope so you have to make up and drift one last time" type deal

Do they die together? Why in every AU thing I write do I always end up considering the possibility that they both die at the end? (inward reflection needed no doubt)

Other thoughts

Pancamo & Morales as copilots: Their jaeger is like a fucking tank, first of all, and their fighting style would be really savage. Big big punches and tearing kaijus in half, etc.

I think if Said was a pilot he would change co-pilots pretty often. He would be like a hotshot who can drift with basically anyone because he brings nothing into the drift. But at the same time, he has epic emotional/personal issues despite his polished exterior and dedication to the cause of saving humanity, something that begins to reveal itself over time

Mukada as a scientist here anybody? jurassic park vibes Maybe he has a special interest in the kaiju hive mind stuff and philosophises a lot about what the existence of kaijus and the world they come from means about the universe. What it means about man's place in it, etc

Reimondo as the Tendo Choi of the AU. Put that lady in charge of things! Also I think her voice in ear of the pilots during missions would be nice.

McManus oversees pilot training after giving up the dream of actually being a pilot because he doesn't have a strong enough drift compatibility with anyone

The O'Reilys would probably be co-pilots up until some accident that leaves Cyril unable to drift anymore, after which Ryan would probably be retired or maybe become an instructor in pilot training. Or, he fucks up and gets involved with kaiju blackmarket stuff to make more money to pursue treatments for Cyril using kaiju like... brain chemicals or something idk. (maybe the pilot program loses funding and it fucks them over badly)

Burr Redding as the Hannibal Chau of this AU lol... Adebisi's there too

[mari--lace]

Going wild because I can’t restrain myself—3 and 16, 20 for Clairedevil, 20 for Matt/Jen, and 35 and 44 for ShinShi 😇

👀

3. One emotional aspect of a ship that always gets you

Not sure how to put it in words ghfhfjfjfjf like. When they understand each other in a unique way??? (Am I saying Shinichi and Shiho being the only ones—Mary doesn't count—going through having to fake being kids while they're in mortal danger makes their bind unique and beautiful? Yes yes I am) So like, I love when they have similar circumstances BUT are still pretty different. (I've mentioned Conan and Ai, I could go on about Matt and Natasha!! Matt and Elektra, too. Matt and Frank have very different pasts and motivations for their vigilantism but still somehow fit, if that makes sense!)

16. One thing one character likes about their partner(s).

Claire loves Matt's determination to save and help people 🥺 could probably do without all the guilt and lack of self preservation, but no one's perfect Ig

Matt also loves Claire's dedication to saving people, probably thinks she's so much better than him since she heals while he hurts and ghhhh I can't

20. Who’s the ship’s biggest in-universe supporter?

Foggy, hoping Claire can force some preservation instinct into his bestfriend lol and also really liking that she saved Matt's life.

20. Who’s the ship’s biggest in-universe supporter?

I'd say Jen's parents LOL her father took one look at Matt and went "it's expensive raising kids in LA" (Morris I love you but pls calm down)

35. Describe one date.

An escape room, with Shiho acting very annoyed and bored at first but then getting invested in the mystery and finding hints while Shinichi smirks not-so-subtly bc he was right (also they have to solve it faster than Hattori did)

44. Give each character a color.

Shinichi is very blue, Shiho gives me red/orange vibes. 👀

Thank you, this was fun 🧡

[88moofs]

actually im just gonna say it bc i feel like rambling abt tsukasa tenma hhhhhh but Pierrot and the circus fragment sekai forms from Tsukasa throwing away any sense of self preservation for the sake of not failing both himself (the show) and others (“i’ll live up to everyone’s support), and how he easily sets aside his own physical and mental health for it. It manifests very literally as himself, controlling what he only sees as something with a job rather than a person with their own feelings and limits. dehumanization moment (i’m especially reminded of how he only really looks at his negative feelings when they provide any utility towards his acting, both in dazzling and sky’s edge he touches on them for his acting but packs them right back up when he’s done.)

the circus itself is a fascinating setting too, i see it as like…a performance where even the actors can’t see the strings being pulled (rui’s card shows the same plushies as tsukasa, but without the strings, implying rui can’t see that tsukasa is piloting them). Like Tsukasa is covering up exactly what he’s doing to put on the show. While WxS knew of him starving himself Tsukasa never really let on to them just how desperate he was, bro was literally having a crisis in his room the last day he was fasting and when he went to meet wxs he just instantly switched; he forced himself down a mental spiral too just to connect with rio during his idol’s show and this guy would rather metaphorically jump off a cliff than show too much emotional vulnerability to his friends I HATE HIM

ok sorry i went off track there but yeah. Tsukasa keeps the show juuuust dark enough so ppl don’t see whats going on outside the result bc Tsukasa is arguably hurting himself physically and emotionally, bc he can’t stomach the idea of failing and not being enough (bro really expects to be on the level of his idol IMMEDIATELY despite being self taught and being on only his first year in a more professional setting). While method acting can be cathartic, how he’s doing it now ain’t it.

“moofs this isn’t how fragment sekais work” It isn’t!!!! and Idc hhhh