#because the last upload had a link with my account name on it

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret

chapter fifteen : two tea parties (RE-UPLOAD)

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 5.4k

summary : reader and din have a tea party, just not with each other

warnings, etc. : language, angst

A/N : i had to change accounts so this is a re-upload of my ongoing fic bks!!

“What did you do to her?”

Her voice breaks through his sleepy haze as he sits up properly. 

“Excuse me?” He can’t seem to remember her name as he struggles to his feet. She pokes a finger into his chest, for someone staring down a bounty hunter she sure seemed to have a lot of confidence in her ability to intimidate him.

“The princess. What did you do to her? She’s got bruises, she’s hardly eating, and she’s all melancholy in there. And I think you’ve got something to do with it.” 

Shit, shit, shit.

He has several responses forming in his mind right now, all of which would make him appear guiltless. Then his stupidly tired brain decides he’s taking too long so instead he blurts out the first words to force their way out.  

“I didn’t mean to hurt her.” 

He couldn’t be more of an idiot.

The woman grabs his arm and starts dragging him away from your door. He could easily resist but he’s so embarrassed by his own fuck up he doesn’t bother as she pulls him towards an unfamiliar part of the castle, descending staircase after staircase until they reach the servants quarters and she shoves him into a room. It’s about the size of the cabin, a small kitchen in one corner, a sofa in the other, a fireplace with small burning embers dimly illuminating the stone walls, and a twin bed in the back. He recognizes the girl currently snoring softly under the blankets as your other servant. 

“Sit.” The Togruta girl snaps at him, pointing at the wooden table. 

Of course this is where he decides to finally take a stand and he crosses his arms, staring at her. 

Doesn’t last for long as she starts setting things up at the stove.

“Sit or I’m not giving you any caf.” She doesn’t bother turning around and he doesn’t bother resisting further at the promise of caffeine as he sits at the table.

He doesn’t speak as she puts a pot on the stove to boil. He feels a bit like a child who’s about to be scolded. For several minutes the only sounds are the other girl's soft snores and the crackle of the fire as he tries to keep his eyes open. 

He must have fallen asleep for a second because he jolts upright as she slams a mug down in front of him. 

“Drink. You look like shit.” 

“You have no idea what I look like.” He mutters as his hand grips the mug. 

“I do. You look like shit and you look like you haven’t slept in days. Drink.”

She says as she walks over to the bed, facing the wall and blocking his view of the other girl. “Be quick about it.” She takes a sip from her own mug. “Tell me when you’re done.”

In any other scenario he would refuse, or at the very least protest but he hasn’t had caf in a long time, he misses the bitter taste, and he should probably have his wits about him for the conversation they’re about to have. So he releases the airlock and lifts his helmet, quickly swallowing down the mug. 

The fact that he’s a little intimidated by the woman has nothing to do with his sudden obedience. At least that’s what he tells himself as he locks his helmet back in place. 

“I’m finished.” He can feel the familiar buzz of the caffeine as it flows through his system as he temporarily gets to feel a bit more conscious. 

“Good.” She turns and walks over, taking a seat across from him as she stares at him expectantly. 

His hands get clammy and he can feel his palms sticking to the insides of his gloves. 

This must be what his bounties feel like when he interrogates them. 

“What did you do to her?” She finally breaks the silence, continuing to glare at him. 

That’s a good question. 

He had loved you. 

There isn’t a doubt in his mind about that. 

He had been limited to only showing it to you physically, and when you had shown him a glimmer of something outside of that realm he had turned that love into something ugly. 

And now, mere days later he has to wonder if he made the wrong choice. 

He can’t exactly backtrack. He said terrible things to you. His own words from that night echo around in his helmet, taunting him. 

What did he do to you?

He was starting to get a little worried that he might have broken you.

You had spent all day scribbling in the library like a woman possessed. Truly that could have nothing to do with him though, he’s certain he couldn’t have possibly meant that much to you. Enough to drive you mad.

The Togruta girl snaps her fingers in front of the helmet.

“Hey, shiny, snap out of it. I know you had something to do with it so start talking.” 

Okay, maybe he did have something to do with it. 

No, what does she know about what had happened between the two of you? Well apparently she has wickedly good intuition, and he did basically already confess. 

“I’m not sure.” He wishes his voice didn’t tremble slightly but he can’t help it. 

“You aren’t sure…?” She grumbles as she finishes her mug. “Why don’t you start at the beginning. Tell me what happened.” 

And there’s no rational reason to. 

Or at the very least, there’s no rational reason to tell her the truth. 

And maybe it’s because he’s so tired. 

Or maybe it’s because this girl reminds him of someone he once knew, before he took this job.

But he tells her.

He leaves out a lot of the gorey details but he gives her the gist, she sits quietly the entire time as he whispers the things that transpired. And when he’s done he expects her to maybe tell him he did the right thing by ending it, or offer him words of comfort for what’s happened but instead she squints her eyes as she stares him down.

“You’re an idiot.” She says matter of factly as she leans back in her chair. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me. You are dumb as shit.”

“I did what needed to be done. Things were getting out of hand.”

She scoffs.

“Out of hand? So you’re allowed to do nice things for her like buy her jewelry, and take her on little dates in the garden, but she isn’t allowed to do them for you? Seems pretty stupid to me. And your game is dumb, if you want to know things about her all you have to do is ask, the poor girl would talk to the walls if they’d talk back.” She takes the pot and pours herself another mug of caf, filling his as well. He doesn’t touch it. “And you say you don’t like her rules but it sounds to me like you’re the one who needed them, she didn’t break any rules you didn’t break first.” 

He crosses his arms in front of him, ready to retort but every response dies on his tongue.

She’s right. 

And he doesn’t want to have to ask her for advice but there’s no one else to ask.

“So what do I do? How do I fix this?” 

She chokes a bit on her caf.

“Fix it? Oh hon, you’ve done a lot of damage in a short amount of time.” 

If she could see through the steel she’d see the way his ears tinged pink in embarrassment. 

“So I shouldn’t do anything?” Even he knows he sounds way too sullen. 

She sighs and contemplates for a moment. 

“Look… normally I’d say yes. But I can’t deny that she seemed happier on days when things were okay with the two of you.”

“So what should I do?” He leans forward a bit in his seat. 

“I’d start with an apology, and you better make it good, especially after what you’ve put her through.” 

“Okay. Tomorrow I will try that.” 

He does, try, that is. The most he gets out is static, a crackle of his modulator before he shuts right up. He’s pretty sure you notice. 

“And then, no more lies. No more beating around the bush. If you’re going to put her through this again you need to be certain and you need to be honest. No more pretending it’s just physical, you tell her exactly what you want and exactly how you feel.”

He also tried that. After Kodo had struck you he had pulled together all of his resolve and told himself that he would just spit it out. Instead he had accidentally insulted you and threatened your husband. 

“Okay, I can do that. Umm… What about Kodo?” She takes another sip as he speaks.

“What about him?” 

“Should I not take into account the fact that she’s married?” 

She laughs, a genuine chuckle. 

“Have you seen them together? She looks at him like he’s some mud that she’s accidentally stepped in. Look, if they were happy together, or if I ever thought they could work it out then I might tell you to back off but trust me, those two will never make it work. He’s a pathetic excuse for a man.”

He’s a bit taken aback by her words. 

“Now go. I’m gonna get some shut-eye, I’d tell you to do the same but I know you won’t.” 

He stands, nodding at her. 

“And take the caf. You need it more than I do, if you’re gonna insist on not sleeping.” She sets hers down as she stretches her arms above her head. He takes his mug gratefully in his hands. 

“...Thank you.” 

She only nods in response, he opens the door of her quarters.

“Mandalorian.” 

His hand is on the doorknob as he turns to look back at the woman. 

“Don’t play with her. Either leave her alone or put in the effort.”

He hesitates for a moment before he leaves. 

✩

When your eyes flutter open the first thing you think is that your face should be hurting, your lip should be much more swollen. 

But when your fingers poke at your lip you find it to be mostly healed. 

You stand and leave the closet, walking over to the mirror and inspecting your wounds. There’s no trace of the red welt you would have thought you’d have. The only trace of the incident is a faint pink and white line through your lip. 

Finding the vial on the bed you carefully walk over to the mirror and apply another layer to the mark as Elaine and Lysa knock once as a warning before stepping into the room. You set the tube down on the vanity. 

It’s another hazy morning. 

They really are all blending together when you don’t have things to do. 

You’re dressed in a lacy orange gown. It’s flowy and cool, it seems like it would be perfect for a day in the gardens. Before you even realize what you’re doing you turn to Elaine. 

“Would you like to have tea with me today?” You have no idea what inspires you to ask such a question and you’re sure she’ll say no. That she’ll tell you it isn’t proper for a servant to do such a thing with you but instead she nods.

“That would be lovely, my lady. Where would you like to have it?” She wipes her hands on the front of her dress as she gives you a patient smile. 

“How about the gardens? There’s that gazebo by the water we could sit at.”

✩

You have no idea when she instructed someone to set it up but as the two of you walk towards the gardens there is miraculously already a table with chairs set up inside. A tray of tea steaming in the center of it all. 

You walk in silence, in all honestly it would probably be a comfortable silence if it weren’t for the looming presence of the Mandalorian behind you. Once the two of you step into the wooden structure, taking your seats you clear your throat, awkwardly, seeing him standing beside you in your peripherals. 

Elaine stares at him and the both of you sit, looking at each other uncomfortably until you finally turn and speak to him. 

“Can we have some privacy?” You shoot him a look as you say it and he takes a single, theatrical step back. 

Jackass. 

You’re about to just give up, he’s never wavered previously, why would he start now? But Elaine speaks up.

“I believe she asked for privacy.” 

You lean over towards her to tell her it’s useless, there’s no sense in arguing with him but your eyes go wide as he begins to walk away. You turn to stare at Elaine like she just performed an act of god. 

As the Mandalorian starts walking along the edge of the water you can’t seem to pick your jaw up off the floor, you have more questions than ever for her but none of them seem to flow, so she speaks first. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened at dinner last night?” She’s pouring tea into the mugs, mixing a generous amount of sugar and cream into yours. 

“You heard about that?” The nearly invisible mark on your face stings at the memory.

“Servants talk, I’m afraid it was inevitable that I would hear of it. Do you want to tell me what happened?” She hands you the mug and you take it in both your hands. 

She doesn’t ask if you’re okay. 

Like she knows you couldn’t possibly be. 

“Not really. There isn’t much to talk about, it all happened really fast.” You take a sip, it’s sweet just like the caf she makes you, it warms your tongue and puts you at ease. 

She hums softly, sipping her own, much darker tea. 

“He’s always had a temper that one, the king and queen did not keep a close enough eye on him growing up, and when no one ever says no it’s easy to quickly become a little monster.” She frowns as she speaks and you have to fight to keep the surprised look off your face, the servants never spoke ill of him.

You know this is probably a dangerous conversation but at this point you’re so lonely and things can’t possibly get worse. 

“Honestly, I’m just surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I knew with his pattern of behavior it was inevitable.” You mutter.

She has a breathy sad laugh. 

“Smart girl.” She raises her cup towards Mando. He looks like a kid being left out of a game on the playground as he kicks a stone into the lake. “He seems more upset about it than you.” She raises her eyebrows, now you’re really treading dangerous waters. 

“Mando? He doesn’t care, I think he just doesn’t want me getting banged up because it makes him look like he’s bad at his job.” Deep down you know that isn’t the case.

“Really? So he wasn’t the one who tore that book in half that I found in the hallway this morning?” She takes another sip as she stares at him out across the water, you choke on your tea.

“In half?” Your voice is a shocked whisper. It had been by no means a short book. It had been a hardcover, thick encyclopedia. 

“In half. Took Leo quite some time to pick up all that shredded paper.” She chuckles. Setting down her mug as she stares at you with an intensity you weren’t prepared for. 

She takes a deep breath that has you nervously tapping your nails against your cup. 

“I know that it’s hard, being in your position, to find people to confide in. But if you ever need to talk about something that’s bothering you, I am available, my lady. And I can be extremely discreet.” She folds her hands in her lap as you stare down at them. Unable to meet her gaze. 

What a breath of fresh air it would be, to have a friend, with no other complicated feelings. But you can’t just tell her what you’ve done. 

“I am not blind, princess. It’s my job to make sure you’re okay. And I know for a fact that you were doing more than okay for a few days and in an instant I saw all of that disappear.” She tilts her head down so she’s in your eyeline and you’re sure your face has a look of guilt on it. 

If it was just your life on the line you’d probably tell her everything. Just to get it out. But it’s not just your life, it’s his. You shudder as you imagine the things Kodo would do to him if he found out. 

But you could twist the truth. 

Tell her harmless details and maybe still find some comfort.

“He had been my friend. Briefly.” Your words are careful and deliberate. 

She nods, picking up her glass once more. Staying silent as an invitation for you to keep going. 

“At least… I thought he was my friend. Now I sort of think he might have just been messing with me.” You’re still being cautious with every detail you reveal. Keeping it simple and innocent. “And I guess he got bored. It’s confusing, I can’t keep up with him, it makes my head spin because he keeps changing.”

“Changing?”

She picks up the teapot, refilling your mugs. 

“It’s… hard to explain. It’s like, he’s a different person everyday. Some days he can’t stand me and some days he-“ You manage to catch yourself before you go one step too far. “Some days he cares for me. I’m starting to wonder if he just enjoys making me miserable.” You pour another spoonful of sugar into your mug. 

“I think he cares for you very much.” She says it so matter of factly that you almost roll your eyes at the notion.

“I doubt that. If that is the case he has a really fucked up way of showing it.”

“Look at him.” She nods out towards the lake and when you turn he’s crouched down next to the edge of the water. 

He’s deadly still for a moment and then he slowly reaches down and scoops something up from the surface of the water. Holding it close to his helmet as he stands. Completely focused on whatever is in his hand. 

He looks strangely domesticated. 

You watch as what you now realize is a frog, jumps out of his hand back into the lake. 

He stares at his empty palm for a long time. 

“He looks like a lost puppy without you. I have to wonder what he was doing before he took this job because it seems like he doesn't know what to do with himself when he isn’t wagging his tail and trailing behind you.” She chuckles and you can’t help but laugh softly with her. 

It feels good to laugh. 

It feels less good to blurt out your next question. 

“Have you ever, umm… talked to him?” You don’t want to ask it, it feels so childish but you can’t help it as you turn back to face her, hoping there isn’t any lingering jealousy in your tone. 

“A little bit. Enough to know that I’m right, he does care for you.” 

You cough awkwardly. 

“What did he say?”

You catch her smirk right before she takes another sip. 

“Mostly he seemed to have a lot of excuses. But I think his real issue is just that he’s scared.”

Huh. 

It’s difficult to picture him scared of anything. 

“Scared?”

“I think this is a conversation you should be having with him.”

“But he won’t talk to me, the first time he’s spoken to me all week was only because of what Kodo did.”

“It isn’t my place to tell you how to deal with him. I just know that you seemed happier when things were good between the two of you.” 

It’s quiet for a few minutes as the two if you drink and you come to terms with her words. She speaks first.

“He doesn’t sleep either.” 

“What?”

“The Mandalorian. He isn’t sleeping. He just sits in front of your door all night.”

You had suspected that to be the case but the confirmation makes your heart skip a beat. 

“He just sits there? What is he doing?”

“I only see him there in passing, I do a lot of my errands at night, I’m more productive when I’m the only one roaming the castle. It seems like he’s just waiting for you.” 

You frown. 

“Waiting for me to do what?”

She laughs. 

“He’s just waiting for you.”

There’s that ache in your chest. She leans forward to give you a sympathetic look, your pain must show on your face. 

“How about we talk about something else for a bit?” Her voice is soft and comforting as you nod. 

“What about you, do you have a special someone?” You laugh for a moment until you realize your slip up and the color drains from your face. “Like, a friend.”

Real smooth, dummy. 

She doesn’t seem fazed though as she grins. 

“Yeah, I’ve got a special friend.” She laughs to herself and you relax a bit. She looks towards the lake and back at you before raising her eyebrows. He’s walking back over as she changes the subject. “What are you planning on wearing tomorrow?”

You can’t help but laugh. 

“How should I know? You and Lysa always pick for me.” She rolls her eyes at your response. 

“I meant to the ball.”

The confusion must be apparent on your face because she sighs. 

“Of course no one told you. Maker, is anyone else in the castle capable of treating you like a person other than me?” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Kodo’s birthday is tomorrow. He makes a big deal of it every year, it’s a huge party, you of course will be expected to attend.”

You don’t bother stifling your groan.

“And I absolutely have to go to this?” 

She pats your knee as she leans back in her chair, eyeing the Mandalorian up and down as he walks into the gazebo, standing on the opposite side of it, away from the two of you. 

“I’m afraid you do, but don’t fret, he’s always so preoccupied during this thing that you won’t have to worry about staying for long. You’ll just need to make an appearance as his wife for a bit and you should be able to leave after a few hours if you'd like. It tends to get a bit rowdy as the night goes on so I suggest getting out once the opportunity presents itself.” 

You nod, this must be is what it feels like to have a friend. 

It makes you realize that you and the Mandalorian had never really been friends, that was completely different than what this was. With him there was always something more there, something demanding your attention that you always managed to ignore. With Elaine it’s easy to just talk without any other feelings lingering in the air. 

“I suppose I will wear whatever you decide is best.” You give her a grin.

“If that is what you wish.”

“But not blue.” She raises an eyebrow as you say that but she’s smirking.

“Excellent choice.”

Your eyes dart over to the Mandalorian, he’s facing away from the two of you, giving you a false sense of privacy as you look back to Elaine. 

“And not green.” 

“As you wish, my lady.” 

You don’t talk about much else of importance after that. She tells you that she wants to make dresses someday, and you tell her about some of the romance novels you’ve read. 

The Mandalorian stays in the gazebo, a reminder to keep things light. 

She tells you that Lysa is a rather talented piano player, and that Leodall dreams of one day becoming a lord or a duke. It’s nice, casual. You want to do it again at some point and when you tell her that, she happily agrees. 

Eventually she walks you back to the castle, he walks behind the two of you, always just out of reach until you make it back inside.

You can’t help it.

You hug her.

Mumbling a thank you, because you feel worlds better after having a conversation with someone with no tensions and no ulterior motives. 

She departs and you walk to the library, reading another cheesy romance novel at your drawing table until the sun has set. 

He still doesn’t speak, every so often he’ll pace the length of the room at one point you’re pretty sure he trips over nothing. How odd. You return to your quarters as always, ready to turn in for the night.

✩

Except you can’t.

You pace back and forth throughout your room. Your bare feet shuffling across the cool wood floors. 

He’s ruining your sleep again. 

Because now you can’t close your eyes without thinking about how he’s out there, waiting for you. 

You had wanted comfort and maybe even closure from Elaine but instead you’re more confused than ever. 

He wants you, he doesn’t want you, he hates you, he’s willing to die for you. None of it makes sense and he’s out there. 

Your chest hurts thinking about him all alone out there every night. Even if he hates you, and doesn’t want you. 

You’d feel better if he was at least sleeping out there. But no, he’s awake and aware and always there. 

Is he listening in? Has he turned up the helmet to listen to the soft patter of your footsteps? Why would he be doing that? He’s supposed to not care about you, to not want you. But according to Elaine that isn’t the case? Every single hour he gets more and more confusing, you want to scream at him. You want to punch him in his stupid Beskar face. (Mostly because you know it wouldn’t really hurt him all that bad.) You want to demand answers, demand he leave you alone, or demand he take it all back.

Could you forgive him?

You’re pretty sure you want to forgive him.

You just aren’t sure if you can. 

That is, of course, if he ever apologizes. 

Does he want to apologize?

Why would he have said all those things in the first place if he didn’t mean them?

You don’t remember opening the door. But right now you’re staring down at him and he’s staring up at you, so you must have at one point. He’s sitting with his legs out in front of him as you take a step back, leaving the door open. 

A silent invitation in. 

You’re worried for a moment that he isn’t going to accept it but he slowly gets to his feet. Stretching his arms back a bit with a groan as he takes a step in. 

You hadn’t seen it before but now you don’t know how you didn't realize how exhausted he looks. You don’t even know how he’s still standing as he stumbles into the room as you close the door, clicking the lock shut. 

His shoulders are slumped forward, his usual imposing posture is completely gone and his helmet keeps tilting downwards before jolting back up, like he’s barely keeping his eyes open. 

It’s torture, never being able to stay angry at him. 

You had no plan when you’d let him in. Maybe yell at him, demand answers, demand he free you of this curse that is wanting to be his. 

But you can’t do that. Not when he’s looking around like he doesn’t even know where he is. Maker, when was the last time he slept? 

Reaching forward you take his hand, leading him over to the bed and sitting him down. 

“Mando?” You say it like you’re speaking to a lost child who can’t find their parents. 

He hums softly in response, the helmet tilting up to look at you as you give his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“You’re gonna sleep here. The door is locked so you don’t have to worry about anyone taking off your helmet, okay?”

He nods and your heart stops as his hand comes up to your face. His thumb brushes over the nearly completely faded line on your lip. 

“M’sorry… ner sarad’ika. Bid ni ceta.” His voice is a warm sleepy drawl and you have to close your eyes so he doesn’t see the pained look you have when he starts speaking in that soft tone, the gentle one you feel like you haven’t heard in ages, the one that’s just for you. You can’t help but wonder if he’ll remember any of this tomorrow. 

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do this, remember? It was Kodo, not you.” You gingerly pull his hand from your face as you hold his arms, laying him down against the mattress. 

You shouldn’t, not when he’s clearly so vulnerable but you can’t help yourself as you run your knuckles against the cold steel of his helmet, trying to soothe him. 

“That’s not what I’m sorry about mesh’la.” His hands reach forward, asking for you, and you have to use all of your self control to not give in and just hold him. You settle for giving him your hands as you nod. 

You need this to end. It’s too much and you know it’ll be gone in the morning. Once he gets some sleep he’ll be gone again. Standing behind you, your shadow. Not like right now, where he’s in front of you, and needs you. You can’t lose this again, you won’t be able to take it so you start to walk away but he pulls you down so you’re sitting next to him and he’s so gentle about it. He’s so out of it right now, he should be in his default state right now, he’s a trained killer, he should naturally be rough and aggressive with you, but he isn’t. 

Even in this condition he makes a conscious choice to handle you like you might crumble to pieces if he isn’t careful. 

At this point you might. 

“I need to go to bed, Mando. I’ll be in the closet, right there if you need me.” 

His grip on your hands tightens ever so slightly. 

“Y’know that m’sorry, right? I need to know that you know.” His voice cracks on the last word and his voice is laced with a desperation you’ve never heard from him before. You even hear a little sniffle through the modulator.

Maker he must really be sleep deprived. 

It feels like drowning. He’s taking you out into open waters with these words and in the morning he’ll be gone and you’ll be left without a life jacket. 

“I know Mando.” His grip loosens enough for you to stand up. Your voice is strained. “I promise, I know, but I need you to get some sleep now, can you do that for me?”

He hesitates. Like he’s trying to make sure you understand. 

“Okay, sarad’ika.”

He nods as he releases your hands, his shoulders relax and he’s asleep in minutes. Once you’ve certain he’s out cold you go back to the closet, leaving the door cracked in case he needs something as you curl up in your blankets. 

Your hands fish around in the sheets and pillows until you find the book, pulling it out you open it and let the necklace he had given you fall out. Cradling it in your hands you trace the small charm with your fingers. 

Sarad’ika. 

He can’t do that to you. 

He can’t just call you that again after what he did. 

Bodyguard, rival, friend, protector, confidant, lover, nothing. 

He decided he wanted to be nothing. So why should he get to say sweet things in Mando’a to you with no repercussions? 

It makes your blood boil as you shove the necklace into one of the pillow cases, getting ready to go back out there and give him a piece of your mind but as you’re about to stand and pull yourself together you can hear rumbling, static snores from the other room.

And you can’t help but crack a smile. 

He sounds like a fucking Wookiee when he snores. 

Something about it makes you lay back down.

Like it reminds you that under all that perfect metal he is still only a man. 

He needs sleep.

So do you. 

Being angry with him can wait until tomorrow. 

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[katy-l-wood]

deviantART, Twitter, and the Death of the Social Media Subscription (And why tumblr might be getting it right.)

Okay, so I've been thinking about making this post for the last couple weeks since Twitter started melting down, and now deviantART is melting down as well which adds an interesting new twist. This post isn't going to discuss AI art directly, but I will touch on userbase feedback/administrative response in relation to what happened with dA.

Firstly, a little background on me: I grew up on dA. It was my first social media site and for a long time my only one. I started using it without an account when I was around 10/11 and made my first account when I was 12 in 2007 (which, of course, involved lying about my age). From then on I LIVED there. I uploaded art, I joined and ran contests, I became a volunteer for the forums in my mid teens, I alpha and beta tested new features, I wrote detailed write-ups of new feature launches, I watched the site launch multiple new versions of itself, I filled out feedback surveys, and I paid for years of subscriptions before I got seniority from being a former volunteer. Hell, they even offered me a job once, but I was 18 and no amount of money in the world would make me willingly move to Hollywood where they were based.

Point is, I was tuned in. Immensely. So what I'm talking about here? It's from that point of view.

dA has had subscriptions the entire time I was a member. They were always relatively affordable and offered you features that made the site better, but if you didn't have them the site was still perfectly usable. The subscriptions originally got you stuff like using journal skins, putting custom CSS on your page, access to private subscriber forums and chats, more storage room, etc.. Perks, but nothing you couldn't function without. Over the years other things were added, like being able to schedule uploads or change your username, but, again, these were PERKS. The site was still totally usable without those features. Your art still got seen, people could still find your content in the search, people could still leave comments.

But here's where Twitter and it's current nonsense comes in: as part of a dA subscription you got a special symbol in front of your name. These symbols changed over the years and originally were just standard keyboard symbols. For example, as a senior, before the symbols changed to what they are now, my username looked like this:

^Katy-L-Wood (which was affectionately referred to as the senior hat.)

If I was staff, my username would have looked like this:

$Katy-L-Wood

There were other symbols as well for things like volunteers, deactivated/banned users, and regular users. Everyone had their symbol and it worked so well. It let you know at a glance if a member was a trusted staff member that would give you real information about something, or a volunteer that could help you with harassment in the forums, or a senior member that likely knew all the ins and outs of the website.

To me, it feels like that's more in line with what Musk should have done with Twitter. He should have left verification as it was, and then introduced a new symbol to denote subscribed users. A blue plus sign or something. If you were verified AND subscribed you'd get, IDK, a blue check with a white outline around the blue. (And, even then, an additional symbol wouldn't have really been necessary, but everyone just likes neat little badges. They're like stickers. Everyone loves stickers.)

Then give the subscribed users special features that ENHANCE the site, but don't serve as a detriment if you don't have them. Give them a more robust inbuilt scheduling system. Give them security features like inbuilt auto-deleting of older tweets. Give them larger upload limits for images and videos. Give them more profile customization. Give them a longer bio with multiple links. Give them the newsletter feature. Give them the monetization features.

Because you know what? It is totally valid for a website to offer subscriptions, to try and monetize themselves. It costs money to run a big social media site, and advertising as we know it is dying. Websites need to figure out other ways to bring in money, and a good subscription model can do that.

But Twitter did not choose a good subscription model. They chose one that caused chaos to the tune of billions of dollars across multiple major industries. They choose one that would have made the site totally unusable without the subscription, due to how it was supposed to push subscribed users tweets onto the main feed.

Then we circle back to deviantART. I could talk about the downfall and now death of deviantART for HOURS. But we'll focus on subscriptions here. Because their subscriptions are no longer worth it. The majority of the fun perks are gone. There's levels to the subscriptions now, and those of us like myself who were supposed to have lifetime subscriptions as a thank you for helping moderate the site are not at the topmost level, which feels like a kick in the teeth.

And the limited features the subscriptions do have now? Many aren't perks. They are major functionality aspects. You want to get any sort of analytics for your page? Pay for them. You want to be able to take commissions via the website for more than $100? Pay for it. You want to customize your page to suit you and your work like you used to be able to do with a subscription? Well, you only get a couple choices now, and no custom CSS.

Then there's Fragments. IDK why, but deviantART seems obsessed with coming up with weird little currencies that cause a ton of harm. Their first one, Points, tanked the art market EVERYWHERE, even outside the website, in a way that still has an effect well over a decade later. Now they've gone and added a second one on top of the Points, which are still there as well. This new one is called Fragments. Fragments can be used to purchase little badges that you can award to deviations you like, comments you enjoy, etc.. There's three levels and the third one, the diamond badge, is the issue here.

See. As a senior member I get gifted 300 of these Fragments every week by dA, and I get to use them to purchase the badges. A diamond badge, specifically, costs 300 Fragments, and if I give someone a diamond badge (and they're not subscribed yet), it ALSO gives them a free month of the lowest level subscription. So every month I can, essentially, hand out a free month of subscription to anyone on the site.

I just checked my account and, as I've never used Fragments, they've just built up in my account. I have over 18,000 of them right now, which is enough to award 61 months of membership. A month normally costs $3.95, so all told that's about $250 worth of memberships that I can hand out using just over a year's worth of fragments.

Clearly, dA is banking on people getting a taste of subscription and then paying to continue it. But they're still essentially handing every subscribed user a $250 check every year. 10 users and that's $2,500 they're not getting. 100 users and it's $25,000. For a company hemorrhaging money and struggling to hold on to its userbase, there are a lot better ways to keep users around that don't involve trying to coerce them into paying using underhanded marketing techniques.

It doesn't matter, though, because ever since dA launched their new "Eclipse" version of the site, and now this fiasco with AI, there are no recovery options left. They're done. They have exhausted all goodwill anyone had for them. They took away tons of subscription features, they took away tons of site features overall, and time and time again since Eclipse launched they have 100% ignored user feedback. AI is not the first time they asked "hey, how do you feel about this?" a few months before launching a new feature, and then completely ignored every single thing the userbase said and launched the feature anyway. Then, this time with the AI, they not only did that, they were outright rude towards those who rightfully called them out. During the live meeting with the CEO and concerned artists the CEO repeatedly talked over those who were present, dismissed concerns, and just outright acted like. Well. An asshole CEO.

All of this is to say: a subscription model CAN be a great way to keep a website alive, to not be beholden to a world of dying advertisers, but you've gotta do it right and you've gotta do it consistently. Twitter did it wrong, and it'll kill them. deviantART started out doing right, did a 180, and now it's going to help kill them.

But tumblr. Ah tumblr. Our little blue hellsite. They've dipped their toes in the water of subscriptions and, so far, haven't really gotten those toes chewed off for doing it wrong. And why? Because they've made it fun to give them money in support of the website. It's fun to get crabs or a shitty horse on your dash (or inflict them on others), it's fun to mock the Twitter downfall with the special double blue checks, but the site is still totally usable without these things. (Er, well, as usable as tumblr ever is, lol.)

I, personally, would like to see tumblr build a more robust subscription/monetization system, because I think it could be what saves this site we love so much. But they have to keep it fun. They have to keep it optional. They have to keep the site usable without it. They have to make people want to subscribe, not force us to because there's no other way to use the site, or because we've been tricked into it.

(Putting the words "Long Post" here so they'll stay attached even in reblogs.)

[mushiemellows]

On Rivd and AI

So last night I made this post and said I'd elaborate more in the morning and when I had the time to do a bit of research. Upon doing said research, I realized that I had misunderstood the concerns being raised with the Rivd situation, but that isn't the case any more. However, some of my thoughts on ai still stand. Heads up, this is going to be a long post. Some actual proper blogging for once wow.

I'm going to discuss the Rivd phishing scam, what can be done for fic writers as ai begins to invade fan spaces, and my elaborated thoughts on Language Learning Models. Warning for transparency: I did utilize chat gpt for this post, NOT for the text itself but to provide examples of the current state of LLMs. Some articles I link to will also be ai generated, and their generated quality is part of what I'll be warning about. This is not a generated post and you can tell because I've got those nifty writing things called "voice" and "style."

ANYWAYS:

Okay so what was the Rivd situation? So two days ago this post was uploaded on tumblr, linking back to a twitter thread on the same topic. I saw it late last night because I was traveling. A reddit post was also uploaded 3 days ago. According to google trends, there was a slight uptick in search traffic the week of June 23rd, and a more severe uptick last week (June 30th-July 6th). That's all to say, this website did not exist until last week, caused a stir, and immediately was put down.

Rivd is not longer up. Enough people contacted its web hosting service Cloudflare and they took the site down. This happened yesterday, from the looks of it.

So, then, what was Rivd? And more importantly, what was the point of scraping a chunk of ao3 and re-uploading it? There seems to be 2 possible theories.

1) The more innocent of the two: they genuinely want to be an ao3 competitor. I can't look at the website any more, and very little positive results appear when googled, but I did find one ai-generated puff piece called "Exploring Rivd: The Premier Platform for Movie-Based Fanfiction" posted to Medium last week by one "Steffen Holzmann" (if that is your real name... x to doubt). This account appeared the same week that Rivd had that first little uptick in google queries, so it is undoubtedly made by the people running the website themselves to create an air of legitimacy. Medium appears to be a safe enough website that you can click that link if you really want to, but you shouldn't. It's a bad generated article, there's very little to glean from it. But it is a remnant source on what Rivd was claiming to be, before it was taken down. Here's the conclusion from the article, the only portion that gave any actual information (and it barely offers any):

Rivd is the ultimate platform for movie-based fanfiction, offering a diverse range of content, a supportive community, and robust interactive features. Whether you’re a writer looking to share your work or a reader seeking new adventures in your favorite movie universes, Rivd provides the perfect platform to engage with a passionate and creative community. Start your journey on Rivd today and immerse yourself in the world of fanfiction.

There's a second article by Holzmann titled "Mastering the Art of Fanfiction Writing in 2024" that's essentially similar ai bull, but trades explaining that fans can write Star Wars fic for explaining that you can make OC's and maybe get a beta (not that that's advice I've ever heeded. Beta? Not in this house we don't.) This was posted six days ago and similarly spends half the time jerking Rivd off. That's all to say, if they are to be believed at face value, this website wanted to just be a fic hosting site. Scraping Ao3 would have made it seem like there was already an active user base for anyone they were attempting to attract, like buying your first 50,000 instagram followers. Anyone actually looking to use this as a fic site would have quickly realized that there's no one on it and no actual fan engagement. There's already fan community spaces online. This website offers nothing ao3 or ffn or wattpad or livejournal or tumblr or reddit didn't already.

Similarly, it reeks of tech bro. Between the scraping and the ai articles, the alarms are already going off. According to that Reddit thread, they were based out of Panama, though that doesn't mean much other than an indicator that these are the type of people to generate puff articles and preemptively base their business off-shore. Holzmann, it should be mentioned, also only has 3 followers, which means my tiny ass blog already has more reach than him. Don't go following that guy. The two comments on the first article are also disparaging of Rivd. This plan didn't work and was seen right through immediately.

If fan communities, and those who write fic know anything, it's how to sniff out when someone isn't being genuine. People write fic for the love of the game, at least generally. It's a lot of work to do for free, and it's from a place of love. Ao3 is run on volunteers and donations. If this genuinely is meant to be a business bro website to out-compete ao3, then they will be sorely disappointed to learn that there's no money in this game. It would be short lived anyway. A website like this was never going to work, or if it was, it would need to ban all copyrighted and explicit materials. You know, the pillars of fic.

So then what was the point of all of this? Unless there was a more nefarious plan going on.

2) Rivd was a phishing scam. This is so so so much more likely. The mark for the scam isn't fic readers, it's fic writers. Here's how it works: they scrape a mass of ao3 accounts for their stories, you catch it, you enter a lengthy form with personal info like your full name and address etc. requesting they take your work down, they sell your data. Yes, a lot of personal info is required to take copyrighted materials down on other sites, too. That's what makes it a good scam. Fic already sits in a legal grey area (you have a copyright over your fic but none of the characters/settings/borrowed plot within it. You also CANNOT make money off of fic writing). So the site holds your works ransom, and you can't go to Marvel or Shueisha or fuck it the ghost of Ann Rice herself to deal with this on your behalf. Thankfully, enough people were able to submit valid DMCA's to Cloudflare to deal with the issue from the top.

Remember this resolution for the next time this situation arises (because of course there will be a next time). Go through higher means rather than the site itself. These scams are only getting more bold. Me personally? I'm not going to give that amount of personal info to a website that shady. Be aware of the warning signs for phishing attacks. Unfortunately, a lot of the resources online are still around text/email phishing. We live in a time where there's legal data harvesting and selling, and illegal data harvesting and selling, and the line in between the two is thin and blurry. Here's an FTC article on the signs of phishing scams, but again, it's more about emails.

I should note, I do not think that Rivd is connected to the ransomware virus of the same name that popped up two or three years ago [link is to Rivd page on PCrisk, a cypersecurity/anti-malware website]. It's probably just coincidence.... but even so. A new business priding itself on SEO and all that tech guy crap should know not to name itself the same thing as a literal virus meant to scam out out of a thousand dollars.

That's all to say, this was absolutely a scam meant to take personal info from ao3 writers. And that blows. To love art and writing and creation so much just to have your works held hostage over data feels really bad. Of course it does!

So, should you lock down your ao3 account?

That, to me, is a little trickier. You can do as you please, of course, and you should do what makes you feel safest. Me personally, though, I don't plan on it. I really, really like that guests can interact with my work from the outside. Ao3 still uses an invite system, so a lot of regular users still don't have accounts for any number of reasons. I read a lot of the time logged out anyways. I started writing again last year after all the info on the ao3 Language Learning Model training had already come out. Like I talked about in my last post, I set out to write things that a computer couldn't produce. (from here on out, I'm going to be using One Piece fic as an example, simply because that's what I write. It's also in a really prime position for a lot of ai discussion due to the size of the fandom and the size of the original work)

I'm going to be honest, I'm not all that afraid of my work being scraped for LLMs to train off of. Text generators have existed for a decade now, but they really popped off last year. LLM's are at a point, though, where the tech is sort of stagnating after the initial boom. The flaws of current ai chat bots are so baked into the flaws of ai itself that they won't be ironed out soon. They make up info, they're easily manipulated, they simply are not people. The flaw here is deep- you can trace it to the fact that we don't know enough about neuroscience itself, and even then neuroscientists don't make ai. Ai programers do. Complex info already has to make one synaptic jump without losing any understanding from person to person, and then it has to be perfectly abstracted for a machine to comprehend. It can't be done with the tools we currently have. I DO hate to admit it, but there are some decent uses for ai. if you are specifically a python programmer. The rest of us? Maybe not.

I don't like generated fic, I don't read it on principle. Checking on ao3, though, there's only 4 total generated op fics (3 in spanish, one in english, 3 xreader, 1 zosan but 2nd person zosan? and the author edited the framework the computer generated text. I still didn't enjoy the fic, tho.) But that breaks down to .005% of all op fics. I went into chat gpt and asked it to generate a drabble for me based on One Piece, and this is what it wrote:

[Image ID: A screenshot of chat GPT. The first line shows my prompt. It reads: You- write me a short 100 word fanfiction based on the manga One Piece. Next line, Chat GPT- "On the shores of an uncharted island, the Straw Hat Pirates stumbled upon a hidden treasure trove. Among the glittering gold and jewels, Luffy discovered an old, weathered journal. Inside, he found sketches and notes detailing the adventures of a legendary pirate who once roamed the Grand Line. Excited by the prospect of a new adventure, the crew set sail. following clues left in the journal. Along the way, they faced formidable foes and forged new alliances, unraveling the mysteries of the lost pirate's legacy. With each island they conquered, they grew closer to uncovering the ultimate treasure- a legacy that would shape their own journey." End ID]

Okay so like, this blows, yeah? 75,000 One Piece fics to train off of on ao3 and it still can't like, write a decent little story. This reads more like an episode summary or a book dust jacket blurb. Drabbles have an internal structure that make them interesting, much like a single sentence short story. You have to get very baby shoes never worn with them, yeah? Ai doesn't understand that, it just knows how many words it has to generate. It doesn't have any sense for creative language, metaphor, simile, poetry. I asked it to write me a poem and it wrote me the same poem with thesaurus replacements each time it re-generated one. A lot about dreams and stars and midnight and whispers, over and over again. The same rhyme scheme and cadence too.

It's also- vitally- so unhorny that it's almost a crime. For a test, I asked it to generate a story about a uhhhhh robot and an archeologist kissing. Just to see what it would give me. I ran 4 tests, a robot falling in love with an archeologist, a robot kissing an archeologist, an archeologist kissing a robot, and an archeologist falling in love with a robot. All 4 were incredibly chaste, quiet little drabbles about the innocence of discovery or whatever the fuck. Here's one of them:

[Image ID: A screenshot of chat GPT. The first line shows my prompt. It reads: You- write me a short 100 word story about an archeologist kissing a robot. Next line, Chat GPT- "Int he dimly lit chamber, Professor Evelyn Porter stared in awe at the ancient artifact- a remarkably lifelike robot buried for millennia. As she leaned closer to examine its intricacies, a surge of curiosity and admiration swept over her. In a moment of spontaneous fascination, she brushed her lips against the cool metal of its cheek, a gesture of reverence and connection across ages. The robot, dormant for eons, stirred faintly in response to the unexpected contact. It was fleeting, almost surreal exchange between past and future, bridging the gap between human exploration and technological marvels of ancient civilizations." End ID]

So like, some of these phrases gets to what's vaguely intriguing about this dynamic, sure. But at the end of the day it's still uhhhh chaste as hell. A reverent kiss??? Not what I want in my fic!!!! This is all to say, LLM's can scrape ao3 all they want, that doesn't mean they can USE what they're stealing. The training wheels have to stay on for corporate palatability. I'm stealing, I'm taking these dolls out of Shueisha's grubby hands and I'm making them sexy kiss for FREE.

In my opinion, the easiest way to keep your work out of the hands of ai is to write something they cannot use. If the grey area of copyright lies in how much is transformed, then motherfucking TRANSFORM it. Write incomprehensible smut. Build surreal worlds. Write poems and metaphors and flush out ideas that a computer could never dream of. Find niches. Get funky with it. Take it too far. and then take it even farther. Be a little freaking weirdo, you're already writing fic so then why be normal about it, you know? Even if they rob you, they can't use it. Like fiber in the diet, undigestible. Make art, make magic.

Even so, I don't mind if the computer keeps a little bit of my art. If you've ever read one of my fics, and then thought about it when you're doing something else or listening to a song or reading a book, that means something I made has stuck with you just a little bit. That;'s really cool to me, I don't know you but I live in your brain. I've made you laugh or cry or c** from my living room on the other side of the world without knowing it. It's part of why I love to write. In all honesty, I don't mind if a computer "reads" my work and a little bit of what I created sticks with it. Even if it's more in a technical way.

Art, community, fandom- they're all part of this big conversation about the world as we experience it. The way to stop websites like Rivd is how we stopped it this week. By talking to each other, by leaning on fan communities, by sending a mass of DMCA's to web host daddy. Participation in fandom spaces keeps the game going, reblogging stuff you like and sending asks and having fun and making art is what will save us. Not to sound like a sappy fuck, but really caring about people and the way we all experience the same art but interpret it differently, that's the heart of the whole thing. It's why we do this. It's meant to be fun. Love and empathy and understanding is the foundation. Build from there. Be confident in the things you make, it's the key to having your own style. You'll find your people. You aren't alone, but you have to also be willing to toss the ball back and forth with others. It takes all of us to play, even if we look a little foolish.

[chimkin-samich]

Lol, I'm doing this off anon Since you've seen me interact here and on tiktok with my blacklynx14 account.. But I think I might have accidentally just found out you were a technician? I listened to r/slash YouTube. He uploaded a story that had your comment about someone else's comment on r/true off my chest. And the only reason I guess that is because I guess your username is the same as this one.

I just wanted to say that I found it funny. Definitely didn't think of you on the platform since I don't have Reddit. But just hearing your name made me smile. I I'll link the video to you if you would like to see it, Or as a, just in case you want him to take down your comment since he's pretty respectable to people's wishes to remain anonymous:

https://youtu.be/7QlhIZ2W_TU?si=h-lUsb5qI4SXaUlg

I also loved the upload to your recent tiktok where I first got to see your newest Western au update. I loved son's response, He is simping HARD 😂❤️ I Love your guys's work and I hope you're both taking care of yourselves ❤️

Hi!

We are on Reddit for our personal uses but we don’t have the name chimken Samich we have other user names and feral mainly uses it to find Reddit stories from TikTok while I just lurk and sometimes comment here an there lol

So glad you enjoyed the last part of blood and oil 😭 Sun is a major simp, Tari could do anything and he would be on his hands and knees the only thing he wouldn’t like is her ignoring him but everything else is on the table skfkfk

And we’re doing our best to take care, especially with the heat kicking in full force but we’re surviving for now 😭 Mediterranean heat is no joke when the heat waves start

[tainted-liquor]

Hi! Important lil PSA for the road, cuz theres an increase in parasocial relationships w me and my friends.

TW; Immersion break, one-sided relationships, parasocial dynamics?? idk.

Alr hi, chances are if you're reading this rn you've been following me, or hate me dearly LOL. Im talia, and Im a tumblr creator that started in summer of last year writing for the ATSV community. During this time I've amassed about 900 followers and met some really cool folks ! But Ive been noticing there is a lack of respect for someones wishes to remain anonymous, so I wanna address something.

I love writing! I love my lil fanbase and I love all you silly lil guys in the miles community, but please remember. I am NOT your casual friend. I don't OWE you anything.

I am a teen girl (or boy) who doesn't really know any of you. Idk who you are, your interests, your personality, nothing. I am not going to "reveal" or entertain the idea of my identity behind the screen, because I have a social life with an amazing partner and great friends that I just dont want on this acc LOL ! Big shocker, this account embarrasses me ! I wouldnt want anyone at school finding it, so as a result, im not going to be doing any "age" nor "face" reveals for my safety lol

coming in my inbox and saying im starting drama when im not even talking to anybody rn is...weird. DMING me CHILD **RN is weird. I need you all to recognize that I dont see any of you as my classmates, my close friends, I recognize you as 1 of 2 things; people who like my work, or people I talk to on occassion.

Yes, I have a group of friends from tumblr that know my face, identity, age, living space, etc. But if that is not you, then I don't owe you...shit LOL. I will not be posting my passport, my ID, my school photos, NOTHING. Fruitlessly attempting to harass me over these things will get you nothing but embarrassment and a good laugh from my family and friends.

And this statement doesnt apply to just me, either. Ive had people in my friends inboxes and messages talk in a weirdly casual manner, and refer to them as their 'friend'. As in calling them by their name, and attempting to hold conversations like they link arms together and walk thru school hallways. THIS IS NOT...NORMAL LOL.

From some of my closest friends in the miles writing community,

STOP. ATTACHING. YOURSELF. TO. WRITERS!

im a normal ass black girl w problems of my own, and a job to attend...I have more maturity and sense of self and responsibilty than an unfortunate amount of people who are going to read this message and get offended. If I don't upload a 2nd part of your fav fic in time, dont take to my inbox to get upset. If we're not at LEAST mutuals, please don't talk to me or say things to me in the way you would talk to a wife, best friend, cousin, or casual.

[kanmom51]

JK's live 4 March 2023 1:47 am KST

Part 1

Cr./ to all the creators of the media used in this post.

This is a hard one for me.

It' took me time to sit myself down and watch the actual whole live, and I preferred to wait for the Weverse full translation before coming here to write my post.

I assume most of you read my post about JK's previous live, but to those of you who haven't:

JK coming back live more or less 24 hours after I posted that, still while discussing my thoughts I put down to paper in that post, that hit hard for me.

I know, as usual there were those wearing rose tinted glasses unwilling to see JK, not for real. Not in the last live and not now either.

I am glad many are taking to heart his honest words about being harassed by so called fans (he was so respectful even though these people deserve no respect what so ever, but that's JK for you in a nutshell), asking, pleading to be able to have the privacy he deserves.

And I saw many enjoyed the live, his singing, his dancing, Tae popping in, and it's alright. It's also alright if you can't see that not all is well. Even though it's screaming in our faces. Because even if you don't see it, just being there, showering him with positive love like many of you do is good enough. It's kind of the most that us fans can do in any case.

That and reporting, blocking accounts and people that are out to harass and hurt him and JM. Not share their disgusting crap. It's not about likes for our accounts, it's about trying to protect those two, make their lives a little easier, a little safer, allowing them a sense of security.

While writing these lines I came by the new postings from that deranged, supposedly not sasaeng that uploaded the clip of JK from the gym. Please do not follow this person. And if you come by her postings, please report them. Send to BH. I, for obvious reasons, will not share her vile posts, but she has to be gone, like yesterday.

Moving on.  I guess I'm here to talk about this over 2 hours and 20 minutes live right?

I’m not going to get into every single little thing that happened but I do want to touch on a few things.

First of all, the playlist. JK was singing his heart out during this live.  Like the first hour or so is mainly JK singing and dancing and going to get himself some water, and then some beer, and dancing some more and singing some more.

JK on a beer run.

He does some of that in the second half of the live too, but in that second half is where the interesting talk happens.  His plea for privacy, Tae showing up and JK talking to him, at him, not sure which.  Did I mention he inserted Tae's name into song lyrics too? Lol. 

The way he loves Army, I just cannot describe it.  We know he does, cause, and I’ve mentioned this before, he says it, writes it in letters to Army, writes songs for Army, cries for and with Army, and he does things for Army, to make them happy.

So, he sang Naatu Naatu and Indian Army were overjoyed.  He just wants to please us.  Make us happy.

I kind of think we should be doing the same.  As Army.  Sending him our love.  Showing him just how much we respect him.  See him for the person he is, the human being he is, and love him for it.  I know there is no IG now, but there is Weverse. And even for the smallest possibility that JK might see our messages, we need to keep sending them to him. You know #to_Jungkook.

Oh, and call out those that don’t respect him too. 

Sidetracked. 

That’s kind of my second name now days…

Anyways, here’s a link to the playlist from his live:

Ooh, and we got 10,000 hours again. You know, right?

That man is the cutest thing ever (well it’s a super close competition with his bf, but at the moment JK’s in the lead).  Oh, we also had JK farting, bless his heart (I feel like a mama with that joyous feeling after your baby burps and passed gas, lmao).  The way he waves his hand to get rid of the smell though.  And him excusing it with: a. he’s human (yes, he told us we fart too in Busan, we remember that); and b. it’s not his fault, it’s the gassy drink. 

Did I mention he was cute?  I mentioned he was cute, right? Lol

He kept doing these close ups to the camera, used the light from the live screen to check out where to put the batteries for his mic, lol.  Showing us his beer, showing us the candle, showing us himself.

We got JK and his ASMR candle (on and off during the live).

JK listened to Hobi’s song for the first time during this live.  Twice.  Going back to see the lyrics too.

Have we noticed by now that JK’s coat, JK’s stuff, seem to be laying on the sofa.  Like he just came in or is just going out or just doesn’t seem to give the ora of permanency?

This is a man that we know to be tidy.  I mean:

We know which suitcase was JK’s.  He literally showed us.

And he does have empty, lonely clothes rack just there, you know, waiting for his homey stuff to be hung up… unless, wait, this isn’t much of a home of his…

JK was talking with Army, checking comments, replying to them.  But he wasn’t playing the game, so to speak.  You know, the one where he seems to be available for them.  Do you know what I mean?

The three second or minute “we’re dating game”, he wasn’t up to it.

Someone asking to eat his cheeks (ewww, cringe), he wasn’t having it.

As I mentioned, and you all know by now, cause you know, no way the cult wouldn’t shut up about it, Tae commented during JK’s live.

JK’s reaction to Tae joining was nice.  Not overjoyed.  Not over interactive with him.  I mean, he did answer his questions, but was also that’s that.  He continued looking for songs to sing, then inserted Tae in the song he sang, went to see if Tae was still there, and he wasn’t, so his reaction was kind of “oh ok, he’s gone”, and moving on.

The comments above aren’t exactly in the order they were on the live…

Then he vocalizes - sings:  How fun, Tae Tae’s here…

JK’s asked to sing Lemon, and he’s going through the process of looking for the song, and just before the song starts this happens...

Tae comments about the beer drinking and gaining weight.  Yeah sure Tae, just the thing to say to the same person that was too skinny just a couple of weeks back and that his bf was overjoyed he was eating. 

But you see, JK doesn’t seem bothered by Tae’s comments, lol.

His answer is to the likes of “well, I have to finish off the beer in the house, don’t I?” – iron logic indeed, lol.

So he stops it a second to answer.

And once again he’s about to start when:

So, Tae goes on with “let’s have 50 bottles”.  This wasn’t him suggesting that JK drink 50 bottles.  Him saying there being 50 bottles (as in JK has to drink 50 bottles to get through them), to which JK answers that there aren’t even 10 can’s left.

I wonder if the cult paid attention to that chit chat.  Wouldn’t the bf they claim is living with him in that apartment kind of know how many beers are left in the fridge?  Ok then, not exact number, but seriously, there is a huge difference between 10 and 50, even for means of exaggeration.  Or if they are bottled or canned?  That is a bit of a difference in the fridge, which he supposedly shares, no?

Just one more of those little tiny winey things that disprove their shit.  Which they are full of.

And then JK proceeds to sing the song.

In which, at some point he inserts Taehyungie into his lyrics while looking at the monitor, checking the comments and says:

And continues to sing.

Anyways, once again one of those mate interactions they are so good at.  That’s them.  Good mates.  They are.  They spend time together, talk to each other, play games together, we’ve said it all before. 

But one thing they definitely are not, and that’s a loving romantic couple. 

Period.

To be continued in part 2, which I am going to post immediately after part 1 (Tumblr has become nasty again with the 30 image limit of theirs).

[bairdcrevan]

Writing Update January 2023

Your prodigal transformers fanfic writer is back at it lol or at least trying to be! I’ve got a lot of plans coming up and I’m using these periodic posts to keep myself accountable and let you know what I’m working on.

First is EarthSpark SoundStar:

Not Starved but Famished on Ao3 (EarthSpark Soundwave/Starscream)

Wrote this before the second half of Season 1, so I think some things will end up being wrong- but it was fun to write and think about. Soundwave and Starscream have a conversation after not seeing each other for some time.

Coming to you soon is Febuwhump: lol get excited, these babies hurt-

The long awaited next installment of:

Pacifcation Link on Ao3 Starscream/Shockwave and Starscream/Thundercracker/Skywarp

Chapter 42 is getting uploaded on Friday 1/27, even if it kills me.

Edit: I DID IT: Chapter 42 up and ready for you

It’s been almost written for more than six months, but a combination of health crap related to BITLET made writing awful. I don’t know how I got my big bang fic done, honestly when every square inch of my body was going through intense, incessant itching.

Had a great conversation with some friends about Paci and the direction I was always heading, but they helped me with some specifics that had been bothering me. I’m trying to overwrite chapters so that I can do weekly updates again- and you all deserve the closure. I have these presents I wrapped a while ago in the fic and it’s time to open them.

This fic is going on three years old (holy shit lmfao). Let’s get this baby to the finish line.

Another fic that needs to hit the finish line:

Link to Exchanging Fire on Ao3 Starscream/Skyfire, Starscream/Jetfire, Starscream/Starscream/Skyfire (and other permutations lol)

Target Fic finish date: February 2023

This one is fun because of IDW Shattered Glass’s comics renewing everyone’s love for SG. I’m excited for the final swell here too and we are close to the finale, so we just have to write what I have planned. This is another one approaching 3 years old, omfg.

And I will SERIOUSLY reconsider ever writing a “meet your doppleganger” fanfic when they share the same name again. It has been HARD lol

And the last one that is majorly on the docket:

Link to Queen on the Throne on Ao3 Starscream/Optimus

Target next chapter: February 2023

This one I am excited to write for you because of what happens next- and it is always on my mind. Recent IRL experiences definitely will color some of the next chapters and give you some LOVELY angst you get to consume lol. This one is quickly crawling up through my ranks of top fics- outpacing a lot of what I had already finished. So again, happy to update it and reach the next steps for you, because the reception has been so nice.

I think that’s enough lol and I will likely break ALL of this- but I like setting high goals for myself lol

[miothejelly]

My experience as plural / system :

so i know this account is dedicated to profile layouts and what not, but it is heavily system based in the content i upload, and i honestly just wanted to share this stuff. for people who can relate as a system, for singlets looking to educate, questioning plurals wanting some helpful content, or people just curious.

for context im an autistic 16 year old. i have no official DID diagnosis, nore any form of professional validation. i dont intend to get a diagnosis as its not something i beleive i need or will benefit me. im not a self diagnosed DID system, thats why i typically refer to the collection as 'plurality' instead of 'system' as im not sure where i stand in that plural sector.

so lets start with the beginnings. ive questioned plurality for years, long before i even knew what systems, DID, or plurality even was. as a child i would refer to myself as 'we' or 'us' but eventually changed to single terms when i started school. i was a kid that was very happy playing on my own, as all the friends i needed were in my head in alittle fantasy. i had many imaginary friends as a kid aswell.

as i got older, and reached the age of about 13, i started having these phases. id start with a phase such as being incredibly feminine, being drawn to feminine names, wearing skirts, dresses, enjoying games like animal crossing, having a softer and friendlier personality. that phase would last between a week to several months. i would then have a different phase. but it wasnt a phase, as it repeated. that exact same set of traits, would reapear later on, and do the same thing. then another phase would show. and then afew months later, that same first phase i mentioned would come back, the samw traits, personality, interests and style. like a whole new person.

i didnt have many memory gaps. i would remember events i went to, but there would be certain aspects like things that were said, or small parts we did that people would bring up and i wouldnt remember. but i payed no mind to it because i still remembered the event as a whole.

i was about 14 when i started to experiment with different names online. and these 'phases' started to be associated with a name that i liked during those phases. things like, my really girly phase was indicated when my socials all had the name 'Rayne'. other phases had names like 'Fern' and 'Sam' and so on. each one now had a name associated. so i started to establish separate beings now. different names, genders, age feeling and so on associated with these changing interests and styles. my online friends started saying 'oh, you're in your Fern phase' whenever my name would be set as Fern, and they knew that i would be a certain way when that name was being used.

i didnt see plurality as individual separate people. and i still dont see my plurality as individual beings. everyone in my collective isnt individual. i like to veiw my plurality as a tree. me as the base of the tree, and each being as a branch. these branches have different names, ages, genders, personalities, likes and interests and so forth, however are fundamentally me. every single one shares the same fundamental aspects of me. they're their own person, yet still me.

when it comes to introjects, they're not the source they follow. my introjects are beings who associate with a source. weither thats just having a similar personality, or a face claim as them, or just feel a strong link to that source. they're not the charecter. many dont have source memories. they just feel like they have some kind of connection to that source. which is why my sources change frequently as people loose connection and change about.

my system is very blurred, set fronts aren't a thing. i know whos fronting based on how i feel, how im dressed, what im interested in, and how i behave, but i dont have black outs or extreme memory gaps. i beleive thats because of how developed these people are. they're more so 'phases' then they are 'people'. i dont have an inner world, or any communication. these beings aren't developed enough to be separate entities and have full control. that might be a permanent state they stay in, or it might develop more with my age and further discovery of my plurality.

i dont intend to seek a diagnosis, because i function well. the fact im plural doesn't effect any aspects of my life. i can care for myself, submit assignments on time, attend events and appointments on time, and function in society unassisted. if there comes a point where the plurality begins to effect those aspects of me, then i will seek a diagnosis so i can receive support. but untill then i wont. i will probably, later on down the line, seek professional opinions. ask for validation on my mental state and settle for a simple 'no you're not plural' or 'yes you probably are plural' just for the sake of peice of mind, but that much is good for me.

obviously this is my own personal experience with plurality. not every system will feel this way or have this experience. this is just my first hand feelings of plurality and how it works for me. i do use apps like simply plural to track these things, most profiles are undetailed or not put together as im still a very blury person. and i continue to use the same collective name, pronouns, gender and identity. anyway, for those that read this, thank you for hearing out my experience <3

this hasnt been spell checked or re-read so i do apologise for any errors 😭

[invisibleraven]

20 questions for writers

So I was tagged by @stellarspecter last week (I am so behind on my dash) and @1mnobodywhoareyou today.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

132-92 of which are JatP

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1 853 063 (I’d say 1.5m is JatP) and I have a few ficlets to upload there from last week. We’re almost at 900 if you can believe that!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Julie and the Phantoms for the past three years and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

And giving yourself to me can never be wrong (251) My collection of smut prompt fills.

I Know Who I Want To Take Me Home (195) the first part of my Semisonic Sunset verse, and probably my claim to fame on this fandom.

But came the dawn (176) my favourite fic I’ve ever written. A PeterPatterLina soulmate AU that I will never top.

Better walk the line (129) my single dad Reggie PeterPatterLina fic.

Maybe this news can wait (126) The third (and only non smutty part) of the Semisonic Sunset verse.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Not anymore, it takes too many spoons.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Haunted by the moments of what we used to be the fic that mostly got me comments of how very dare you because it is such an angst fest.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think the last time I did this I said Yellow Wood but this time I’ll say So Close To Reaching That Famous Happy End-my PeterPatterLina Enchanted AU. I love it dearly, and hope that you do too if you read it!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

On my fics now no. A few concrit comments I could do without, and there’s the whole blacklist nonsense that still stings, but otherwise I’m pretty invisible.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have in the past yes, but it has been forever since I did so last. I have written M/M, F/F, M/F, and a bunch of multi partnered fics (though mostly M/M/F). Maybe I’ll add some to one of my many WiPs.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, and I never will. I hate crossover fics and will go out of my way to avoid them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. It was an unpleasant experience I hope not to repeat.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I’ve given blanket permission on my AO3 to do so as long as you credit me and send me a link. Same thing with podfics, and any other fanworks of my stories.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. If anyone wanted to, I think it would be fun!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I seriously could not pick just one. I am a multi-shipper, even within my current fandom, but gun to my head I prefer reading and writing Rulie more than anything, with PeterPatterLina being a very close second.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have far too many WiPs and it has been a hot second since I touched any of them. At this point my trope bingo fic is pretty much dead, but maybe I’ll come back to it one day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Endings apparently. It’s the thing I get complimented on the most.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar, spelling, and editing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Have done it before, and actually start doing Spanish in DuoLingo to be better about it, but I suck at conjugating verbs so that fell by the wayside. I mostly only use it for pet names.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Trigun, a very very bad smut fic. After that Teen Titans because I fell in love with the Raven/Beast Boy ship. Those fics all still exist on my ff.net account if you find it, and my fave TT fic is on my AO3.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

But came the dawn obviously. Also So Close, and Yellow Wood all hold a piece of my heart. But if I were to pick the fic of mine that I re-read the most it’s For better or for worse my accidentally married demisexual Rulie fic that is exceptionally smutty and the best example of idiots to lovers there is.

Thanks for the tags, sorry I took so long. Tagging anyone who wants to play!

[bloodgutsanengelskiss]

This is a part 2 / chapter 2

Link to chapter 1 :

https://www.tumblr.com/bloodgutsanengelskiss/753097199935717376/cherryvanillacola-archive-of-our?source=share

Ao3 account:

Scarlet Secrets

--

Fandom: Criminal minds

Relationships: Spencer Reid / Elle greenaway , Spencer Reid & Elle greenaway

Tags/ warnings : drugs | drug use | drug addictions ( not in this Chapter but main plot point ) | (drinking addiction in a later chapter too) | hurt Spencer Reid | hurt Elle greenaway | they both need hugs | sometimes they get them ,sometimes they don't | unsub team Elle and spencer | major Charecter death | graphic depictions of violence

Synopsis: Spencer Reid struggles with his addiction and isolation after being kidnapped and Elle is the only one looking out for him ( oh and she has a secret, a really big one )

A/N: This is my first ever uploaded multiple-chapter work and English isn't my first language so I'm extremely open to criticism, hope you enjoy it!!

--

Chapter 2 : unkown

A/N : sorry for the probably super boring short chapter ,I PROMISE the next 2 are so much better ,longer (like alot longer) and exciting!

--

Spencer walked into the FBI headquarters, heading towards the conference room a little too quickly and accidentally bumping into someone; Emily

He mumbled an apology under his breath and tried to move past her, but she blocked his path.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked in frustration and confusion.

"What's wrong with you, Spencer? You've been acting weird lately. I've never seen you like this," Emily asked out of genuine concern.

"Oh really, Emily? In all the months you've known me, you've never seen me act this way? No offense, but you really have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" His tone was sharp and defensive.

Emily stood there, shocked, but her expression quickly turned to one of pity and empathy. She knew something was wrong, but it wasn't the time to push him.

Spencer walked away and into the conference room, passing JJ, who stood at the door.

Emily and JJ exchanged a worried look as Emily followed him in.

"We have a new case," JJ announced once everyone had sat down.

"This is Jason Adams. He was found dead five months ago in a dumpster in an alley." She gestured towards the photos on the screen. "He was badly beaten with what looks like someone's bare hands and a bat. His genitals were mutilated as well."

"He was found in a bad area. Is he homeless or a drug addict ?" Hotch asked.

"No, that's the thing. He and two other victims, Brian Miller; found 2 months ago and Mark Davis; found yesterday, are extremely wealthy men. They were most likely killed at a secondary location or brought there," JJ explained.

"The public has done some of our work for us and figured out the motive. They've even given the killer a name: 'The Vengeful Vigilante,'" JJ continued.

"But they don't have criminal records," Garcia remarked.

"That's the thing. The public assumes that because these men were notoriously awful people with multiple lawsuits against them—lawsuits including rape and assault charges that were never followed up on—this much the local police figured out " JJ said.

"They obviously didn't get charged with anything," Spencer muttered.

"Yeah," JJ replied reluctantly.

"Our killer is also extremely smart, he crosses state lines, which is why we're only now being invited.

Though the last and first murders were in Quantico , so we'll be staying here"

"No wheels up this time," Hotch remarked

On the way back home, Spencer sat quietly in a taxi (of course he wouldn't let himself drive, even though the effects were mostly gone, he knew the drugs would still show up if tested) lost in thought, he didn't want to go back home.

--

Next chapter link :

[jassisass]

So this is my first time uploading a fic on here sorry if the formatting is off i’m figuring it out!

also it’s multiple chapters so idk how to do that shit on here either sorry gang

link to my ao3 account where i posted this as well xx

Spider Bites

by Jass is Ass

chapter 1

Alright, let’s do this one last time.

Your name is Arachne, and you were bitten by a radioactive spider, got superpowers, saved New York City a few times, and the world, and now you’re part of an elite group of spider-people trying to keep the multiverse in balance. You remember the day you were recruited.

The day you met him.

Miguel O’Hara. The man who brought all of you together. You aren’t sure if you really believe in love at first sight but from the first day you met him you wanted to fuck him. Of course, you couldn’t. Not just because he wanted to act all emo and broody all the time and almost never talks to anyone unless he’s yelling at them for something, but because of your powers. For a long time, you’ve seen them as a curse. Any bodily fluid you produce is deadly to anyone who comes into contact with it. Blood, saliva, sweat… among other things. All as a result of being bitten by a radioactive spider. You’re more okay with it now, or at least you’ve gotten used to it.

It only took one kiss to almost kill someone. Your last relationship didn’t last long, thankfully with no permanent effects.

That doesn’t stop your fantasies though, and you’ve had a lot of them. Seeing Miguel in passing was enough for you, but once you saw him in action, your attraction to him increased tenfold.

His fangs. Lord, his fangs. You’ve never seen anything like them. Long, sharp, retractable fangs that he uses to inject his venom into whoever he’s fighting. What wouldn’t you give for him to do that to you… minus the venom part of course. You’re also jealous, because you’re stuck with an uncontrollable defense mechanism while he can choose when to use his.

Well, you also have one controllable power. Mostly controllable, as long as you kept your emotions in church. For whatever reason, after getting bitten your natural pheromones had grown stronger. You’ve gotten reports from people saying they feel calm or stressed or happy when around you, all dependent on whatever emotion you’re feeling at the time. If the emotion is stronger, so is the scent.

A certain emotion you’ve been having struggles with is your horniness, especially around Miguel. You also think this is an effect of the spider bite. You doubt he’s noticed, since you’re rarely in close proximity, but other people have, though they don’t know it’s because of you. If anything, they just think you have a really interesting perfume. You keep the fact that you have pheromone powers to yourself, but… well it isn’t exactly hard to tell that it’s had an effect on others, though it is a subtle one.

Right now, you’re typing in a location on your watch where a villain has gotten mixed up into the wrong dimension again, and you’re assigned to the mission with Miguel. He said he would be meeting you there, so you take a deep breath and tell yourself to focus on the fight, and not your man.

You arrive at the location, an abandoned subway station, and you scan the area. It doesn’t take you long to spot the villain. It looks like a female Doc Ock, but her tentacles are… real. Four slimy green and blue octopus limbs writhe and suction themselves to the mosaic walls and tile floor. Her skin was a strange shade of grey and it looks like she has scaled as well. Miguel had given you orders to not engage until he arrives, but you decide to try talking it out first.

“You lost?”

The Doc Ock opens her mouth and unintelligible gurgling sounds come out. You wonder what dimension she’s from. An underwater one, perhaps, with a lab located just outside New Atlantis? She uses her tentacles to launch herself straight towards you.

“Not much of a conversationalist I see,” you quip, stepping to the side to dodge the attack.

Miguel isn’t there yet, but you figure this shouldn’t be a fight you can’t handle. Turns out real tentacles are a lot more difficult to battle than real ones. They’re slippery, and your webs don’t stick as easily. You need another strategy, and you need to come up with it quick as one of her tentacles is wrapping around you and squeezing you tighter by the second. It’s beginning to become difficult to breathe.

“Come on, can’t we talk this out?” your voice is barely able to escape, and you regret wasting your breath trying to speak to her.

No response. You doubt she can even understand what you’re saying.

Finally, Miguel arrives, and he rips through the tentacle that’s holding you with the blades that extend from his arms. You wiggle out of its grasp and gasp for ait, only allowing yourself to rest for a second since your target is making her escape.

“My webs aren’t sticking to her tentacles,” you call out to Miguel.

“I told you to wait until I got here,” he snaps back. He’s mad at you, but it kinda turns you on when he talks like that… for whatever reason.

“Shoulda told her that too.”

Miguel grumbles something under his breath as you chase Doc Ock and she bursts through the metal barriers and through the ground. She climbs up the nearest building with incredible speed even with only three tentacles, though her fourth one is quickly regrowing.

As you sling yourself upwards with your webs, you get a good view of the city. It’s futuristic, with hover cars and giant neon signs everywhere. It’s one of the most beautiful you’ve seen, but there’s no time to go sightseeing right now.

Miguel claws his way up the building, then sinks his talons into another one of her tentacles. She makes a sound of what you can only assume is one of pain, and part of you feels bad for her. Yes, she’s a villain, but it’s not her fault she ended up here, and now she’s literally getting ripped to shreds by Miguel. You decide it’s best to wrap this up as quickly as possible.

Instead of sticking your webs to her, you stick your webs to the buildings around her and begin wrapping her up. With Miguel subduing her tentacles, you’re able to string her up between two buildings with minimal damage to the city.

Once the fight is over, Miguel cages her and opens up a portal, pushing her through. He’s about to follow after her but you stop him.

“Wanna check the city out before we go?” You ask.

He turns his head, his eye marking on his mask narrowing. His voice is low when he speaks. “What?”

You debate continuing, knowing you might’ve just fucked up. Miguel was notorious for his explosive temper, and you’ve been at the receiving end of it, so you try to keep the conversation lighthearted.

“Yknow, sightseeing,” you say carefully. “Might be fun.”

“Fun?” he asks, fully turning to face you. Shit. “This isn’t supposed to be fun.”

You sigh through your nose, and he continues lecturing you in a mocking tone as he steps closer. “We’re not here to be cute little tourists, or explore this cute little city. We’re here to hold together the threads of the multiverse. Not to have fun.”

“Come on man,” you say, putting your hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean like… you gotta be stressed right? Why not take a little break? Working all the time isn’t good for you. That’s scientifically proven by the way, so you can’t get mad at me.”

He’s silent, but you can tell he’s still a little pissed at you for suggesting anything besides getting on with the next mission.

“Come on,” you say. “Ten minutes, and we’ll go back. Nobody’ll even miss us.”

Miguel groans dramatically and you almost laugh. “Five minutes.”

You smile, though he can’t see it through your mask, and back up a few steps until you’re standing on the edge of the building. You glance at your watch.

1:09 am.

“Try to keep up,” you say as you step over the edge.

You know that won’t be an issue for him, so you take the most difficult route possible towards the tallest building nearby. You dive between bright neon signs and weave between the flying cars as you swing through the city. Giant advertisements are projected onto buildings, and you do a backflip and cling to the side of the tall spire you had been aiming for before racing up to the top. Miguel makes it up before you do.

You sit down on the ledge and take off your mask, surveying the city below. You can hear music, and sirens and cars honking.

“They got a spider here?” you ask Miguel as he stands next to you.

“Thirteen year old girl,” he says. “Bitten three days ago. Her father is this universe’s Doc Ock, and it was being your kid to work day.”

“Man… that’s gonna be rough.”

Miguel stays silent, and you understand why. Being spider-man isn’t easy, and there’s nothing you can do to help. You close your eyes. A cool breeze caresses your face. You check your watch. It’s 1:15, and you debate saying anything.

You glance up at Miguel, whose mask was still on. His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s looking down at the cars and people below. Being alone with him makes you feel like a teenager with a crush on one of their classmates. It’s almost embarrassing that he makes you feel that way, but you can’t help it. You’re sitting, so he’s absolutely towering above you, but he does that even when you’re standing next to him.

“Five minutes are up,” you stand up. “You ready to go back, or..?”

Once again he says nothing. You roll your eyes. “Do you act all broody because it makes you cool and intimidating or something?”

“I don’t know,” he says, stepping foreword and leaning closer. “Are you intimidated?”

You lean back slightly, but when you step back you almost fall off the edge of the building.

“Careful,” He’s using that voice again. The one that’s commanding, but calm. It sends a shiver down your spine. You’re honestly very intimidated by him, but also very turned on. It was like you had a switch that only he could flip just by existing.

He steps back so you can regain your footing, and you both turn back to face the city. The wind changes direction and blows past you and towards him.

“Are you wearing perfume?” he asks suddenly.

“No,” you say, quickly trying to get a handle on your thoughts and feelings.

“You smell… sweet,” he says, turning towards you. He leans in again and you swallow, before his watch goes off. Thank god. Your scent has grown to the point where you can smell it on yourself. You need to upgrade your suit to hide or at least subdue it.

“We- we need to go,” he says, stepping away from you and opening the portal up again. He’s usually quite articulate, so hearing him stumble over his words, even a little bit, is odd.

You both dive through the portal and end up in his office. He begins talking to his assistant, who’s telling him about whatever villain had ended up in whatever dimension next.

“You have the rest of today off,” he says, back facing you as he waves you away.

“See ya,” you say, opening a portal back home.

“Arachne.”

You pause, just before you step through.

“Yeah?”

“Good work today.”

“Oh, thanks,” you say.

Praise from Miguel was rare, if not unheard of. Hearing him say that makes you wet. God, he has you wrapped around his finger and he doesn’t even realize it. You go through the portal and land in your city apartment.

You need a shower and to wash your suit after getting octopus slime all over it. You take it off, out on a bathrobe and walk to the bathroom. You toss the suit into your small washing machine, which you’re eternally grateful to have, and turn on the shower. You try to ignore the fact that you’re horny, being a superhero you weren’t sure if you had time to shower and masturbate.

But fuck, you’re horny. Too much to focus, and you don’t really want to wait it out, so you decide to kill two birds with one stone. You walk over to your bedside drawer to find your vibrator, thankful that waterproof toys existed. You step into the warm shower with it and sit down in the tub, and lean back, closing your eyes. Your hands shake slightly as you turn it on. It has been too long since you had gotten more than just a minute of alone time.

You trace the vibrator along your inner thigh, biting your lip. You’re not sure why you had been worried about time a moment before because it’s not going to take you long to finish. Not wanting to tease yourself for too long, you apply light pressure directly to your clit. Your breaths are shaking, and you can’t stop thinking about Miguel. As you pleasure yourself, you say his name softly once or twice. Your soft moans reverberate around the bathroom. You feel goosebumps prickle across your body as your legs begin to shake slightly. You circle the vibrator around your clit, applying more pressure as you go. Just as you predicted, it only takes a few minutes for you to orgasm, and while it’s good, you’re not quite satisfied. You want Miguel.

You turn off the vibrator and stay laying in the shower as you recover. Eventually, you clean yourself off and exit the shower. Once you’re dry, you put on some comfortable clothes and turn on your police radio. Everything’s quiet for now, so you catch up on the news to see what you missed.

Nothing important.

Funnily enough, even though you’ve been waiting for a day off, you’re bored. Sure, Miguel believes that being spider-man was a chore and never fun, but you like saving people. Yes, it’s hard sometimes, and sometimes you can’t save everyone, but it’s still fun.

You consider your vibrator again. Or just your hand right there on the couch.

Maybe not the best idea.

You open your fridge. It’s almost empty, so you order a pizza. Once you’ve gotten something to eat, and your suit is dry, you swing around the city to make sure everything’s okay.

A few small robberies and some teens bullying a kid, but besides that, nothing. It was almost suspicious how quiet it is, but there’s not much you can do unless a threat makes itself known.

You return home and sit on the edge of your bed, and decide it’s best to go to sleep.

“Fuck it,” you think, returning to your precious toy. Your suit and watch come off and rest in a pile on the ground.

This time, you’re even louder. Your release from before hadn’t done much to help you, and it almost seems like it’s made things worse. Once you start, you’re unable to stop. You make it through multiple rounds with minimal breaks besides hydration. It’s getting so bad that you don’t immediately notice that Miguel is yelling your name through your watch.

“Arachne! What are you doing?” He yells. “Your city is under attack!”

When you’re finally aware of what’s happening and what he’s saying you yelp and fumble to turn off the vibrator before just shoving it under your bedsheets.

“I’m coming!” You say, feeling your face flush. “Just-just hang up! I’ll be there in a minute!”

He hangs up the call and you turn off the vibrator. You wonder how much he heard. There’s no way he didn’t realize, but… well you respect his commitment regardless. You do think that the communication devices should require the receiver to decide to answer the call before it goes through. Or maybe you just need to keep it in another room, though that would make Miguel angry as well.

You slip your suit on and turn the police radio on, getting an address and you swing over as fast as you can.

Miguel had totally overstated the importance of your arrival, because this fight was one of the easiest you’ve had since he’s recruited you.

“You were late,” he says.

“Yeah, well I was busy,” you retort, regretting bringing up what you had been doing only minutes before.

“I could tell.”

As usual, it’s impossible to read him. It almost seems like he doesn’t care. You look him over carefully, looking for any signs that he felt anything other than mild annoyance towards you, even though he’s just mentioned something so sensitive.

“Maybe you should’ve just taken care of it yourself,” you say, turning away from him to swing back home. “You didn’t need me for this.”

Miguel grabs your shoulder tightly, stopping you in your tracks. His claws are out, and they’re digging into your flesh slightly but not quite enough to be painful. He forces you to turn and face him and he leans down so his face is just inches from yours. The eyes on his mask are narrow, and you know you’ve pissed him off again.

“Listen to me carefully,” he says slowly, claws digging farther into your shoulders. “I don’t care what you do in your personal time, but whatever it is cannot get in the way of your job. It is not my job to make sure this city is secure, it’s yours. You are under my command, and you are to follow my orders under all circumstances. Do you understand?”

You cross your arms over your chest and decide to push him a little more. “Or what?”

“Dios mío, you’ll be off the team!”

You can tell you’ve really gotten to him when the Spanish comes out, and you catch a whiff of that familiar sweet scent again as it pools off your body. Miguel lets go of you suddenly and begins muttering to himself in Spanish. You know you’re being a bit childish, but you’re also annoyed at him for blue balling you.

“Just— report to me in two days,” he says after taking a deep breath to calm himself. “And please, please try to take this seriously.”

Even though you’re attracted to Miguel, he gets on your nerves sometimes. Most of the time. Okay, all the time, but you can usually let it slide. Not this time though.

“I am taking this seriously!” you argue. “I get my first day off in god knows how long and it’s not even a full day! You’re lucky I even showed up.”

“Okay, okay, fine!” He says, throwing his hands up. “Go have fun on the rest of your day off and just throw away your responsibilities!”

Now you’re actually pissed off, and you notice there’s a crowd forming on the street below. Some people are recording. Miguel notices as well and grabs you by the shoulder once again and takes you away from the edge of the building.

“Nothing to see here guys,” you call to the crowd below before turning back to Miguel, whose mask is now off, and dropping your voice down to a harsh whisper. “I do not throw away my responsibilities. I take care of myself. Do you seriously never take a break?”

“No. I don’t.”

His eyes are narrow as he stares down at you, arms crossed.

You almost laugh. “That explains a lot.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that if you had a day off maybe wouldn’t be such a dick to everyone.”

Miguel’s eyes widen slightly.

“I am not a dick to everyone!” he argued.

You raise your eyebrows, saying nothing. It isn’t often that people challenge him like you are now, and when they do it doesn’t usually end well. He opens his mouth slightly, like he wants to say something more, but no words come out. You glance at his teeth. His fangs are there. He’d probably used them on the villain from earlier.

“God I wish he would bite me,” you think.

“Seems like it might fix your anger issues too,” you say. By this point you’ve already taken it way too far, so you decide to see exactly what Miguel’s breaking point is.

Miguel opens a portal, and grabs you, throwing you in before you can react. You hit a metal wall, and when you open your eyes you notice you’re in his… office? Headquarters? Whatever he calls this room. The one with his slow ass platform.

He walks through the portal as you stand, and he looks pissed.

“What the fuck is your problem?” you ask, taking your mask off.

“My problem? You’re my fucking problem! And I don’t have anger issues!” He turns away from you and slams his claws into the nearest wall and rips out a chunk of metal which he throws into the distance.

You laugh harshly. “Your little temper tantrum thing you got going on here says otherwise.”

Before you know it you’re pinned to the wall with Miguel’s arm pressed against your throat. You don’t make any attempts to escape. His lips are parted slightly, and he’s breathing heavily, and so are you. He’s so close that you can feel his breath on your skin. His eyes glance across your face, flicking down to your lips a few times. Neither of you said a word.

“What are y’all fighting about?” a woman asks.

You both turn and see Jessica Drew—Spiderwoman, standing in the doorway with one hand on her belly and the other on her hip. Even though she hadn’t given birth yet you can feel the motherly disappointment.

Miguel pulls back. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Okay,” Jessica says slowly. She doesn’t seem to believe him, but she knows better than to push it, unlike you.

“Both of you get out,” he says. “Now.”

Jessica waves you over, so you leave.

“I haven’t seen him that mad in a minute,” she says once you’re both out of earshot. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“No! Well… no,” You say. “He just… he was really pissing me off and I couldn’t just sit there and take it.”

Jessica raises an eyebrow as you both walk.

“I know, I know,” you say. “I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

“What did you tell him?” she asks.

“I told him that if he took a break he wouldn’t be such an asshole all the time,” you say.

Jessica laughs. “You’re not wrong.”

“And I told him he has anger issues…”

Jessica whistles. “Last guy who told him that got kicked out y'know.”

“Do you think he’ll kick me out?”

“Nah, you’re too valuable. Just… try not to push him too much okay? He might blow up for real.”

You laugh a little. “Yeah.”

“Look,” Jessica says, stopping. “I know he can be… difficult at times, but he’s doing the best he can. He’s been through a lot. We all have.”

“Yeah, I know,” you say. “I’ll try to be a little easier on him.”

Jessica smiles, and you smile back.

You decide at that moment that maybe you will try to not get on Miguel’s nerves.

Except you think about how he had you pinned against the wall earlier. There’s only one way you’re gonna be able get him to do that to you again. The only problem is if you push him too far, you’re never seeing him again.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

So I don't know how Tumblr feels about lost/recovered media, but I'm gonna make this post anyway.

A few days ago, whilst downloading music onto my iPod (yes, ipod. I'm living in 2008, fight me), I remembered a musician that I liked when I was in high school. So far as I could remember, guy only released one album. I have a piss poor memory, but I remembered the name: Jeb Cook.

So I go to Google trying to find out if the music still exists, because it isn't on YouTube. Spotify claimed to have it, but it turns out it had been removed. The Facebook for him didn't have anything but a cover photo, and no one following the page. Pandora claimed to have it, and low and behold, there it was! I only had to sort through a fuck ton of songs to collect all 11 from the album, but I finally have them all!

This isn't even a flex of pirating or some shit. I imagine the music was just made by some guy as a hobby, so I wouldn't mind paying for it in this circumstance. But it literally did not exist anywhere besides on Pandora. So I had to pirate it. Which was a fun time because how do you rip music when there's no link for it? Learning experience.

Anywho. I've uploaded the entire album to YouTube now so it can be preserved. Considering putting it on a physical CD just in case. I can't find shit about the guy who made it, and I haven't gotten a message back on Facebook so I assume he's inactive on that account, but I might have the only copy available off of Pandora.

I have no idea what the genre of this is. Progressive something maybe? Hipster indie shit that's too cool for me to comprehend the genre of? Who knows.

It's not even the best, vocally. It's more a nostalgia thing for me because I listened to these songs during my teen years. Still, I do like his unique dude's vocals are.

(I'm still waiting to upload 1. This is a side account of mine, so I'm never active on it and YouTube won't let me upload more than 10 videos a day. The last one will be out tomorrow, sometime)

[skzdarlings]

Do you have an AO3? Because I was scrolling that website last night and I found the Bodyguard Felix fic posted on their. I fell asleep soon after so I forgot the name, but I wasn’t sure if it was you (especially since it only had 3 chapters uploaded) so I figured I’d ask before I went to pull out the username & fic name again

thank you for the concern but yes that is me! i am darlindev on ao3, you will find the changbin story in my masterlist links to that account :) the bodyguard story only has 3 chapters on there because i post them in longer parts on ao3, combining a few sections into one.

thanks though! <333

[theflyingfeeling]

Hi!

It’s the annoying anon who constantly sends you Olli/Allu anons here! 👋🏻

I finally made a proper Tumblr account, so from now on I can send one of my favourite blogs (you) all my dumb headcanons and thoughts under my antibiotic-inspired name (if you don’t mind of course)! 💕

And I can also attach pictures, so I don’t need to flood the ask with links (like I did with the ’Olli missing Allu in a gig’ ask lmao) 😍

Anyway, just wanted to warn you that my chaotic screaming about ships (mainly Olli/Allu) and other nonsense will continue. Thank you, and hope you accept this pic I found as an apology:

HIIIIIIIII OMG I'm so happy you've made an account!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

First off, you're not annoying in the slightest, on the contrary your messages have been nothing but delightful and I don't mind you hanging around my askbox at all!! 💖💞💖💞💖 I am so looking forward to screaming chaotically about these two cuties together aaaaahhh!!

That picture??!??!! 😭😭😭😭 It reminds me of the dream I had last night of me finding a random video of Blind Channel running (excitedly) somewhere and Olli and Aleksi were trying to hold hands while running 😭💞 and I remember being annoyed because tumblr wouldn't let me upload the video 😂

Your messages make me smile so much, thank you for distracting me from my life with them 💕

[beingstalked]

Scumbag Continued:

Just a continuation of the Scumbag post because I reached the limit of photos I could attach to that post. Starting to think the tweets he made on the @whoknowsbitch1 about not having any friends was about himself, seeing as how he's stalked so many of mine.

*Image that's marked as 2* These are all the times he's tweeted about games HE has been actually playing. In the chat with Phil on messenger (I can provide screenshots if needed) around this time frame he talks to Phil about a couple of the games like God Of War, they had a lengthy discussion about that because Phil was basically helping him with how to defeat some areas and facts about the game. They also talk about Assassins Creed at some point, and he told Phil about him getting Jedi Fallen Order the last Xmas they ever spoke on messenger. Not to mention he always talks about Spiderman, he talked alot about Animal Crossing & the Pokemon games. This info is all on the accounts I came across AND his last Reddit account I found is a username dedicated to Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (CrimsonGuardianXCII) also Stacey plays The Sims game, she dedicated accounts to her playing the games and the characters she made.

*Image marked 3* Its super creepy a grown man is using a fake birth date, to follow women, (the one girl he follows and communicated with January 14th 2020 was 15!!!) his birth year is 1992. But its the fact he's targeted my friends to follow making himself seem younger than what he is. Super gross. Another thing is me & Phil whenever we're sus of an account we check back on it after a few days to see if Liam reacts, so what I mean by reacts is does he delete the account, which he's done a couple times, deletes posts, which he's done in the past before or changed the username. So as we predicted, even though we sent him no links to my tumblr, Phil blocked him and he must've gone to stalk Phils account or saw the link on my Reddit account. He's got rid of followers and some people he follows, he's deleted posts such as: Asking about putting Viagra in his luggage, tweets about Spotify and the Animal Crossing picture he used that was Stacey's character and the switch game. And his likes have gone down. This is a typical reaction once he's been found out, giving himself away even more.

*Image marked 4* This is YouTubes way of blocking a channel, if he left a comment, I won't see it, it essentially goes into a void. But anyway, I blocked both the ones that I know Liam has, Phil showed me the first one (they uploaded Uni projects on there, that's how Phil knew about it) when we realised Liam & Stacey were stalking. Phil wanted me to block as many accounts as possible so that I had no interaction with him, the second one was on his Twitch, that I blocked (which I found when blocking his twitter related to his Twitch) I have never interacted with Liam on there, I have never messaged him on there. I'm guessing the "Hi Kirsty👍🏻" is when he was stalking and realised I had blocked his account and him getting angry, that is how he exposes himself. But on his fake Twitter where he's pretending to be a female with a fake name, fake birth year and interacting with 15 year old girls, he's talking about ANOTHER youtube channel (none of the accounts I've blocked have numbers in the name) So this shows the extent that whatever platform he is on, he has made numerous accounts. What is this obsession with me? Because the latest findings with that Twitter account truly shows he is a crazy freak, not to mention the many questions as to why a 27 year old man (at the time) was interacting with a 15 year old. Its gross.

I think its safe to say, I've provided enough evidence (don't worry there's lots more still to come) but from the evidence provided, the only person here who's been actively watching is Liam. From the fake Reddit accounts, fake twitter accounts, fake YouTube accounts, fake Instagram accounts and possibly he has fake Facebook accounts, the extent he has gone to constantly have an eye on what me or my husband Phil is doing is borderline crazy. I think he wanted to stay relevant because truthfully he's a loner, I think he's miserable with his own life, so therefore stalking his former mates wife and when he's caught out he likes to think he's the one that's being stalked. When in reality he's blocked and that's that. He's pretended to be a female twice, all whilst stalking my friends, which is so creepy. A 32 year Old man pretending to be younger than 30 to stalk women, it sounds as crazy as he is. The whole thing of "I'm a man no one believes me" is simply because he is full of shit. The only thing he's got screenshots of is stalking our accounts AFTER we've blocked his main account and even then it was us retweeting cheating quotes and narcissist posts, meaning he's using fake accounts. I've never followed his friends, I have mutual friends of his yes, but I never followed them first. They added me on Facebook, followed me on Instagram/Twitter first. He thinks he's someone special when really he's a nobody. It took us to June 2020 to realise he was doing anything because we didn't care about him. That's how much we cared about him, as soon as he was blocked, we didn't give a flying fuck about his existence. But this person who's boasted about his shit sex life, needing viagra, not cleaning his arse properly, bad mouthed his wife numerous times and has endless health issues, wanted to stay relevant, he wanted us to give him attention because its what he craved. The great thing is, if he's gone chatting crap to anyone and they approach me, I can simply send them the link to this tumblr which will reveal everything. If they looked at my Facebook, they'll see evidence and the link on my Facebook. The great thing is, him being so miserable is karma. He will be found out eventually by all those around him, and that will be karma, for providing so much evidence, for not moving on with his life when he was first blocked and for ever thinking he was smart enough to pull this off.