#but I feel like I need more for a like. feelings just starting to develop scene.

[alostwanderernotfound]

HIV and COVID

A major barrier to preventing the spread of HIV is accurate test results.

There is a high chance there are many people with HIV that have it and do not know. We do not know how long this undetected time period is (lentiviruses are often associated with long periods of time of virus activity that goes undetected- 5 to 10 years or more), but there is a chance many individuals with HIV go undiagnosed for many years. Individuals during this time before an HIV diagnosis complain of fatigue and many undiagnosed disabling symptoms during that time period. HIV is able to cause changes to immune cells that prevent HIV tests from finding the infection. Some people get negative HIV tests when they are HIV positive. This means you could be HIV negative, but still have HIV in your blood and can spread HIV to other individuals.

Getting a COVID vaccination (and sometimes other vaccinations like the flu vaccination) can help the body identify HIV hiding in the body. This allows earlier treatment and intervention. Once HIV has been identified, it also reduces the risk for all individuals in our population to be exposed to more severe infections.

Getting tested regularly for HIV used to be part of our federal public health recommendations.

This just further emphasizes why this information is so important to know and healthcare needs to start testing for more diseases in more people and do these tests more often.

People often assume their infection came from an unfaithful partner, but in reality HIV has been spreading unknowingly to many in the medical community and still in the public sphere no one is talking about it like the huge deal it is.

This potential means people could be raped as a child, never have sex again, never encounter drugs, and then be miserable & living with an active HIV infection into their early 20s and they would never know. Once they got a positive test result they would have no idea where the infection even came from.

Our entire understanding of these types of diseases has to change and the seriousness of this topic has to be addressed by the world. This was theorized as a mechanism of HIV spread due to how many people were getting diagnosed but had no identifiable cause of their HIV, but now it’s proven and right in front of us. This is disastrous.

To everyone that told the truth about how they didn’t know how they got these types of diseases & how they had no idea where they got it from then faced judgement from others and even the medical community- you aren’t crazy.

On behalf of everything these types of diseases did to destroy families, relationships, and your body, I’m going to apologize right now for all the individuals that I know won’t ever give you an apology for what they did and what they said.

I believe you. I always did.

Without you telling your truth , we never would have been able to figure this out about HIV.

HIV is spreading in “HIV negative” individuals to other individuals as some researchers theorized.

The mRNA vaccination technology developed is now the foundation for the next generation of HIV treatment and disease control. We must continue to push and advocate for improving the lives of all people with disease and we all just took a huge step forward.

You do not have to be sexually active to develop HIV. Your sexual trauma doesn’t have to define your life for the rest of your life- you are stronger than you know and braver than you feel.

Find a place to get tested for HIV here:

I still recommend getting a NAT or “viral load” test done as the first test to see if you have HIV.

I think considering what we know about HIV and in consideration of all the things we still don’t know that this is the safest option. Any other test for this condition available today has too high of a chance of producing a wrong result. I find it extremely uncomfortable we still use the other types of tests in the hospital and doctor office settings.

If you choose to order a test through an online service be aware some tests only tell you about either HIV-1 or HIV-2 and will not always provide you information related to type 1 and type 2.

For example, here:

This will provide you information related to ordering a test that looks for both types of HIV instead of just one strain of HIV.

Stay safe.

[alpaca-clouds]

BG3 fans, we gotta talk CPTSD

Okay, I have spend about a week considering writing this blog, but I really gotta say, that it is something people really need to understand. See, I mostly see this issue with Astarion and his depiction in fandom. However, I would argue that it is a thing that affects literally all characters that play some sort of bigger in this entire game. Including many NPCs.

But let me start with Astarion. See, I wrote the blog two weeks ago about people being judgy on people, who do not want to have graveyard sex with him. Mostly people will argue how Astarion should be allowed to have his agency in that moment - while I argued that whoever the player is playing should have also agency in that scene. Including the agency to say "no" for whatever reason. I also included that my Tav absolutely denied Astarion, because he was not trusting that Astarion in the scene really was ready for it, for a variety of reasons. Which is very much a valid reason for someone not to want to sleep with someone else. (Literally every reason is a good reason for that, mind you.)

And obviously there came the comment, that went basically: "As someone who was raped I am very appalled by you saying that raped people cannot consent." Which is very much not what I said.

What I said was, that my Tav did not consent. Yes, he did not consent because he thought Astarion was not ready for it - but he is the one not consenting. It does not matter for this whether his assumption about Astarion is true or not. Tav does not feel comfortable in the scene, so Tav does not want sex right there.

However... If you consider the drow orgy scene, Tav is also very much right. If you do that scene after defeating Cazador, Astarion is enthusiastically consenting to that orgy, but he still ends up dissociating during the scene. (And in that scene, even if your character notices it, you cannot go "Stop!" Which I hate.)

Here is the thing. If you are in the BDSM scene, you might actually have encountered a scenario in real life where someone was enthusiastically consenting to something - only to them realize, that they were not into it at all. And people can withdraw their consent IRL at this point. Only that in this game, obviously you can't. So within the game choices I will just start out with "no" for this character.

Still, that is actually not what I mainly wanted to talk about. No.

What I wanted to talk about is the other thing. I absolutely know that for a variety of reasons a lot of SA survivors do identify with Astarion, and I do not want to take that from anyone. I think it is amazing that we got a character with whom we see this issue portrayed seriously. And let's face it. Especially in tumblr fandom circles, we will have a lot of SA survivors, because the userbase of this website is majority afab, and many are queer. And we know from statistics that queer afab people are even more likely than non-queer afab people to experience SA at some point in there life. So, yes, Astarion is going to be embraced by this community makes sense - even without his dashing looks.

But here we get to the actual meat of the issue: Astarion was not just raped. Astarion was abused in a variety of ways - some of them sexual - over the course of 200 years. He went not through a single traumatic event, but an ongoing trauma that, again, lasted for 200 years.

Or to put different: Astarion does not have PTSD. He has C-PTSD. Complex trauma. The kind of trauma that develops when the trauma lasts over a long, long time, without the survivor getting a chance to ever really properly ever relax. Something that was very true for Astarion's time under Cazador. He was under constant threat of rape, torture, and other forms of violence.

While CPTSD is a form of PTSD, it has some differing symptoms - and additional symptoms from plain old PTSD.

I found this graphic on this blog here, and found it fairly good in the depictions. (If you google CPTSD you will find several graphics like this.) It shows very well the additional symptoms, compared to normal trauma.

Generally speaking, CPTSD brings a lot stronger issues with self-worth, interpersonal problems, and emotional regulation. CPTSD folks are often prone to emotional outbursts (this graphic names anger, but technically it can be all other kinds of emotional outbursts - which is why at times CPTSD gets confused with BPD).

And Astarion is written like this. He shows very much all the symptoms of CPTSD. And let's be honest: That is an issue he will have to deal with for a long, long while.

But... As I said, the same is actually true for pretty much all the characters.

If you look at the companions, it is obvious.

Gale spent at least a year in constant fear of blowing up. While Mystra's abusiveness towards him within the relationship prior the orb is more fanon than canon (though the relationship was defnitely not an easy one), the "one year in constant fear of death" is very likely going to instill some form of CPTSD in him.

Karlach was a slave for 10 years, forced to fight in the hells. While she will also probably suffer from certain forms of PTSD more common in soldiers. Additionally I would argue that she also has some CPTSD from tiefling-racism. While she does not bring it up often... She does seem to have a thing there.

With Wyll it is a bit more complicated. Yes, for him I would see the kind of CPTSD I have - parental abuse related. Ulder was not openly abusive, but neither was my mother, and guess what fucked me most up in my childhood, despite experiencing some really bad violence elsewhere.

Shadowheart was abused by Viconia and midwashed and tortured and was forced to kill her fucking pet mouse. Bonus points that a lot of it happened during her childhood. She very much is gonna suffer the consequences.

Lae'zel... Do I really need to say something about her upbringing among the Gith?

Then we have Halsin. We know fairly little about his background, given that he is very coy in talking about it. But his "three years as a drow slave" definitely make it likely that he has developed some form of CPTSD.

And then we have Jaheira and Minsc. For whom just the... Well, look folks, the adventuring lifestyle would logically also leave you with CPTSD of some sort.

Even if you play a Tav who entered the game after having a very untraumatic life... They will spent what has to be at least two months with a tadpole in their head threatening to kill them - while half of Baldur's Gate is trying to do the same. They'll have PTSD after this at the very least, if not CPTSD. (Even though, let's face it, chances are we all gave our Tavs more than enough background trauma to go along with it, right?)

And same goes for so many other characters. The tiefling refugees. Our main villains (especially Gortash and Orin). Cazador. The other vampire spawn (duh). The list goes on.

So, what am I trying to say here?

Well, for once I just want to make sure folks understand that CPTSD is a thing that exists and while being similar to normal PTSD differs in some points. Including the fact that people with CPTSD have a high likelihood to make very rash decisions driven by instable emotional states, that might be harmful to them on the long run.

And mind you. In real life most people with CPTSD have it because either they were bullied for a long time, or were in an abusive relationship of some sort. (Abusive parents, abusive partners, abusive friends/roommates.) But even in those heightened scenarios the game represents for the most part - the issues are gonna be still mainly the same.

[rainbowsky]

Hey RBS.. Wishing you a wonderful week ahead. Do you think Globalfever fansite is being managed directly by someone from GG/DD’s team. Many a times I wonder how that site able to get tickets to all of our boys events and capture such close up candid shots of GGDD unless she is part of their inner circle?

Example today - https://weibo.com/7320958826/OydEkDN0w

not sure if it’s original or edited.. from that video it looks like XZ acknowledged her words of Jiayou and bye bye

Hi Natashayishan, thanks! I hope you're well, and that you have a wonderful week too! 😊

Here's the video for those who don't have access to Weibo.

To answer this question I'm going to start by explaining a bit of background about what I know about fansites and how they function (I'm by no means an expert, but here's what I do know).

Part 1 - Fansites in General

There has been a lot of talk about fansites over the years, and some have faced accusations, criticisms, confusion, suspicions, theories both positive and negative for a very long time. I think they're largely misunderstood by a lot of fans.

For example, it's not uncommon for people to believe fansites are stalkers, or that they shamelessly profit from the unauthorized use of a star's image or footage, or that they're organizations that exist for the purpose of exploiting stars.

This isn't really how it works at all. In general, a fansite is just one fan who follows a star's career and enjoys sharing photos and videos they take of that star. Plain and simple. Some fansites involve more than one person, but most are just made up of individuals.

Yes, they sometimes make money selling photo books and other merch, but that money tends to go back into supporting the star -buying endorsement products, arranging events and giveaways, buying or upgrading equipment needed to create fansite content (cameras, computer equipment, software), paying for tickets (many of which are overpriced reseller tickets) and travel/accommodations to attend events, etc.

It might seem glamorous - and there's undeniably a glamorous aspect to it - but to me it looks very stressful, like a huge headache. These fans generally have their own lives and careers outside of fandom, so coordinating everything, waiting in lines, standing in the rain outside appearances and events, not to mention the pressure to attend events and post regular updates, and all the haters and antis they are constantly dealing with, the amount of stress and frustration they deal with must be immense.

It's a lot of work, and for this reason, fansites don't always stay fansites. Some retire as their real life interests and obligations shift. One of my favorite GGDD fansites - Midnight Dream - retired a few years ago. 😢

Fansites are an important part of any celebrity's support system. While no - they aren't part of a celebrity's team or on their payroll, they do play a huge part in helping to bring attention to a star and build buzz around them, their projects, their appearances, events and other activities.

If you want an analogy that might help it make more sense to you, just look at some of the sports fans across the globe who will follow all the matches, follow team developments, team picks, managers and training, and share all that info on blogs, podcasts or dedicated sports fan sites.

This is very similar. They're just really dedicated fans who build a following by being where we can't be, and sharing their experiences so that we can feel like we were there, too.

And they provide the fans and the stars an immense, immeasurable service IMHO, despite what we might agree or disagree with about the way fandom culture works. The content they capture and share is almost always far more intimate (generally without being invasive), and of a far higher quality than that of the professionals hired to cover these events on behalf of media agencies and management.

Fansites do get some official support from time to time. For example, there are events where fansites can get approval - almost like a press pass or a security pass - to attend and be in certain locations within or near facilities to take photographs, video, etc., but they are not hired or compensated by the star or their team.

A lot of how everything works is also largely unknown/unknowable, so it's hard to be sure of the details. There are always going to be rumors and claims. For example, there have been claims that during SDOC Yibo was allowed to invite 4 fansites to come to the finale, and of the 4, he chose 3 BXG fansites and only one solo site. I haven't seen proof of that, but the claim was making the rounds a lot at the time.

One thing we do know - he chose a fansite photo to give to Yangkai when he was courting him to join his team in season 4. (Of course, solos made a huge stink and Youku ended up editing the footage to remove the photo, but we saw what we saw).

There are other examples of GG and DD interacting with or showing acceptance of their BXG fansites. I started looking for some references and then realized it was not something I have time for or interest in. I'm not here to give a comprehensive analysis anyway, I'm just here to give a simple-ish answer to your question. If others want to discuss that in the notes, that's fine.

So, hopefully some of that background info will have answered parts of your question, and gives you more tools to evaluate things on your own moving forward.

Part 2 - Global Fever

As for Global Fever specifically, well... Global Fever is one of the most treasured BXG in the entire fandom. This dedicated fan has been following GG and DD BOTH, since they debuted. She is more than just a CP fan, she's been a supporter of their individual careers since day 1.

Yes, since back when Yibo was still the White Peony.

She became a CP fan in the natural way - by seeing her faves work together on The Untamed, by watching them interact and by following them and their careers. No, she doesn't work for their teams (they both have dedicated teams of their own, and they don't need to pay fansites who - after all - will do this stuff for free). It's just that she's recognizable to GG and DD because she's been a fixture in their lives for so many years.

And this is something solos need to get their heads around: BXG are fans too. I think there's this conceit among solos that THEY'RE GG and DD's fans and BXG are something else, but in reality (and, no doubt, in the eyes of GG and DD) BXG are their fans too.

Never could that be more apparent than when a dedicated fan like Global Fever jiejie is calling 'Zhanzhan, jiayou!' and 'byebye!' as he's boarding an elevator on the way to the stage. Of course GG recognized her and smiled at her. Of course.

[albertasunrise]

Work Wife - Two

Masterlist

Summary: Working as a Secretary and Miller & Sons c”Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?

Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (So here’s the first chapter as promised! I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what y’all think ♥️… I wrote half of this on my iPad so sorry for mistakes 😅)

Series Masterlist - One

After two days of you being frosty towards Joel and Joel desperately trying to make up for whatever he had done to upset you, you decided that it was pointless to be upset with him. He hadn't known your reasoning for going to his house so the fact he had a girl there wasn't really a valid reason to be angry at him.

If you were being honest you were more angry at yourself. Your pride had been wounded and that was something that you needed to work through on your own. So by Wednesday, you were somewhat back to being smiley and sweet but there was still a tension there that you knew would take time to dissipate. You just hoped that your date with Simon would take your mind off what had happened.

Your second date with Simon went even better than the first. He was sweet, taking you to a restaurant he remembered you mentioning you loved, and after, he took you for a few drinks at a new gin bar that had opened up. So inevitably, two dates turned into three.

It felt like with each interaction you shared with Simon, the less seeing Joel every day, and knowing that he didn't return your feelings, hurt you. What you didn't realise was that your budding new relationship with Simon was tearing Joel apart. Simon couldn't help but gush to the other contractors about how special you were or how amazingly things were going.

How he was starting to think that you might be the one.

That statement made Joel want to find a remote canyon so that he could lob Simon into it. Yet he knew he had no right to feel jealous. It's not like he'd ever had the guts to go for it. It was his own fault that he was suffering now. Yet that didn't make him hate Simon any less. What he hated more was you talking to him about the dates that his 'so-called' friend was taking you on.

It was killing him.

"Oh Joel, you would have loved the walk Simon and I went on over the weekend." You gushed as you sipped at your coffee "I would show you some pictures but I'm still waiting for them to come back from the developers so…"

"That's fine." Joel replied, trying to keep his tone from sounding as pained as he felt.

"Perhaps you could take Eliza there sometime." You continued, completely oblivious to his torment "It's so romantic and-"

"Eliza and I are just casual." Joel interrupted and you couldn't help but snort.

"Please." You rasped "She's practically living with you now. Fuck buddies don't spend most nights together."

"We're just hanging out."

"And I'm the Queen of England." You rolled your eyes and how oblivious he was to what was going on straight in front of him "If you're just looking for casual then perhaps you need to tell her that."

"I did! I have…" He argued, his hip cocking to one side as he rested his on it.

"Well, perhaps you need to have that conversation with her again because from an outsider's point of view. You and her seem pretty serious."

Joel's stomach twisted at the thought that he was leading Eliza on. She was sweet and he liked her but he wasn't looking to settle down. Not yet.

"Talk to her Joel." you said sweetly as you placed your hand on his "Don't lead her on."

So talk to her he did.

…

Eliza was in the kitchen when he returned that evening. There was already a tense atmosphere hanging over the house as he entered but he didn't have time to ponder why. Not when he needed to get things out in the open.

"Hey." He said gingerly as he stepped into the kitchen and Eliza turned to greet him.

"You're back late." She stated as she placed a plate of food down in front of him before sitting on the chair across from him, her arms crossed.

"Meeting with the wood supplier ran late." He replied and Eliza nodded.

"Eat up." She said, watching him then as he nervously pushed his food around his plate, little appetite when he had an anvil hanging over his head.

"What's the matter with you this evening?"

"I don't think we should do this anymore?" He stated simply, eyes drifting from his plate to Eliza.

"Can I ask why?"

"When we started 'this' up, I told you that I wasn't looking for anything serious and well… it's been brought to my attention that it kinda has and that I need to be honest with you… Make sure I'm not stringing you along."

"And who said that you are?" She demanded and Joel shook his head.

"It doesn't matter… what matters is that I don't want to-"

"Was Pip wasn't it?" Eliza growled "You know she has feelings for you right? Only reason she's seeing shit that's not there."

"Eliza… Pip, doesn't have feelings for me. This is just about us and I-"

"You really are blind aren't you." Eliza cackled and Joel stopped in his tracks.

"Blind to what?"

"Pip is head over heels for you… She told me so herself back when we went for those work drinks and I-"

"She told you that?" Joel interrupted and Eliza huffed before nodding "She told you she was in love with me?"

"Well, her exact words were that she was crazy about you but she knew you didn't feel the same and so she's never told you." Eliza waved off the statement like she wasn't telling Joel everything he'd ever wanted to hear.

Were you crazy about him?

"Look, I told you that I didn't want anything serious either and I still don't." Eliza stated as she shrugged "If this has gotten a little too cosy then we can cool it."

Joel wasn't really sure what to say. The information that you possibly feel the same way for him is running laps around his head.

"Joel?"

"Right… yeah… sorry." He said and he shook his head and returned to reality "Look I still think it's best that we just call it quits." He stated plainly, wincing at the growl it pulled from Eliza.

"Fine." She practically spat at him, getting up abruptly and grabbing her stuff as she went "I'll see myself out."

Joel didn't even get a chance to speak before she was slamming the door behind her. Leaving him to ponder over the events that had just transpired. What should he do?

Should he talk to you about it?

Is that what you had come here to talk to him about all those weeks ago?

It would explain your reaction to Eliza being there.

He knew he couldn't, not, talk to you about this. He needed to know whether or not you still felt something for him, because if you did he wanted to fight for you. For with you, he wanted something real.

…

Months went by before Joel plucked up the courage to talk to you. Each time he decided it was time, he talked himself out of it. Whether it was a story that you or Simon had told him about your latest adventures as the world's most perfect couple or just him watching the two of you together. But, finally, he had decided that enough was enough… He needed to be honest with you and lay his cards out on the table. He had thought long and hard about what it was he wanted to say and so had arranged for the two of you to meet up for a coffee on Saturday. This wasn't a conversation that he wanted to have with you in the office.

He still had to labour through an afternoon of Simon gushing to the guys about how things were going with the two of you and up until now it had been fairly easy to drone it out.

"So you two finally did the deed huh?" Piped up a voice, grabbing Joel's attention.

Joel had known that you and Simon hadn't been intimate yet. You had confided in him about how you had never been with anyone and that you wanted to save yourself for the right guy. Obviously, you had decided that Simon was that guy.

"Fuck did we." Simon practically growled "Was so worth the wait… Girl's so hot… we-"

"Let's not discuss such personal matters at work, hey chaps?" Joel tried to sound calm but his stomach was twisting in knots.

The knowledge that you and Simon had been intimate was tearing him up inside. Had Eliza been wrong about your feelings for him? Had she lied? Either way, he wasn't sure what to do with the knowledge that you and Simon were now sleeping together.

"Come on boss…" Teased Rick, one of Joel's youngest employees "Just 'cus ya jealous."

"What?" Joel growled as he turned to face the younger man.

"Well, the guys all told me how you're sweet on Si's girl. It's not his fault you missed your shot."

Joel felt his anger start to boil over as he said "Keep it professional Rick or you'll be looking for new employment." Walking away then to cool down.

…

You were just clearing the dishes away whilst Simon wiped down the sides, always the gentleman. 8 months had shot by in the blink of an eye and it felt like he'd blended so perfectly into your home life. It was like the two of you had always done this. Things were so seamless.

"So Joel threatened to fire Rick today." He stated as he wiped his hands dry with a dishcloth.

"Really?" You asked and your brows shot up in surprise "Why?"

"We were talking about you and me and Rick kinda ribbed Joel a bit." Simon replied, shrugging.

"Ribbed him how?"

"We were just talking about how you and I had… well you know and Joel got pissed. Rick kinda teased him about how he's sweet on you and how he missed out on his chance with you."

"One, I'd rather you didn't discuss our sex life with my colleagues… Two, Joel's not sweet on me he's with Eliza and three… even if he was, that's a pretty dickish thing to do." You admonished and Simon chuckled as he replied.

"Joel is still very much sweet on you and he and Eliza broke up."

"What?" You were shocked to learn this information and hurt that Joel hadn't told you.

"Yeah, been like 6 or 7 months now… guys probably got blue balls." Simon chuckled as he tossed the dishcloth in his hands onto the counter.

You'd always talked about everything Joel and so to learn that he had broken things off with Eliza and he hadn't talked to you about it stung a little. Had things between you really become that strained? They hadn't been the same since you'd gone to his house to talk to him about how you felt. They certainly hadn't been since you had started dating Simon.

"You're not sweet on him are you?" Asked Simon, pulling you from your thoughts.

"Hmm?" You hummed as you looked at your boyfriend who was watching you closely, analysing every expression that crossed your face.

"Joel, you aren't sweet on him too are you?"

The colour drained from your face as your mouth moved to answer him but no words left your lips. The longer you took to respond, the more frustrated Simon grew.

"You are, aren't you?"

"Simon…"

"No, don't try and spin me any bullshit." He growled out and you flinched at his tone "Are you in love with Joel… Yes or no?"

"Yes… but-"

"I need to leave." Simon choked as he threw his hands up when you tried to reach for him "I can't be around you right now."

"Simon please…" You pleaded but he was having none of it.

He just grabbed his stuff and left.

Leaving you sobbing in his wake. \

…

You sat in the cafe you and Joel had arranged to meet at, your eyes red raw from crying all night and most of this morning. You were sipping on an overly sweet latte. Needing the sugar to try and boost your mood. Joel was already ten minutes late but that wasn't unusual for them man. No doubt he'd be stumbling through the cafe doors in a few moments, huffing and puffing whilst he rambled on about what it was that had delayed him.

Only after half an hour… he still wasn't there.

You were on your second sugary coffee and coming to the painful realisation that Joel had stood you up. Who gets stood up by their best friend? Well, it would seem that you do and you wondered if it was because of what Simon had told you yesterday. How Rick had teased Joel about missing out with you when he'd learned you'd lost your virginity to the man you'd been going steady with for almost 9 months. That thought made you go from sad to plain pissed.

Was he seriously going to stand you up because he was jealous that you had slept with Simon?

Finishing your coffee you stomped out the door and towards your car. You weren't going to let him get away with this. Not after everything you had been through in the last 12 hours.

You don't recall the drive to Joel's house but you feel your anger flare when you see his truck on his drive. You pull up behind him, get out of the car, then make a point of slamming the door in the hope that he'll hear you coming.

You were pounding on the door, not caring if you were attracting attention. You wanted answers and you wanted them now. An exhausted Joel opened the door and you felt anger flare at the thought that he'd stood you up because he'd slept it.

"Pip this isn't-"

"A good time?" You growled, "It never is Joel."

"Please, I'm sorry I stood you up but-"

"No, I'm going to speak." Venom dropped from your words as you poked his chest "Simon told me what happened yesterday and I just can't believe that you would stand me up because I slept with the man I had been dating for over half a year!"

"That's not… I didn't stand you up on purpose I-"

"You what? You overslept? Your latest conquest only just left?" You barged past him with a strength you didn't know you possessed as you started to look around the house.

"Pip-"

"Where is she… where is the reason you decided to stand me up the morning after Simon broke up with me." You choked as your hurt started to slip through the cracks.

"Simon dumped you?" Joel asked and you nodded "Why?"

"Because I'm in love with you Joel… and I-"

"Do you want to scream any louder?" Growled Joel's mother as she walked down the stairs with a bundle in her arms "You're lucky she's so milk drunk. Not even the apocalypse would wake her right now." She said as she handed Joel what you could now see was a newborn with a gorgeous caramel complexion.

"Oh, Pip sweetheart, so lovely to see you." Said Mrs Miller as she pulled your stunned body into an awkward hug "It's been a bit of a mad house for the past 12 hours." She chuckled as she walked over to Joel to give him a kiss on the cheek before pecking the baby's brow. "I'll let Joel catch you up, I need to get diapers and formula. Will be as quick as I can sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mum." He said, smiling at her as she waved at you all and left.

Finally leaving you and Joel alone with this tiny baby you had just learned about.

"You… You have a baby." It wasn't a question.

Joel nodded as he looked down at the tiny person in his arms, a sweet smile gracing his lips as he brought her brow to his lips.

"I have a baby." He confirmed and you let out a shaky breath as you continued to stare at her.

"Is she…?"

"Eliza's?" He finished for you and you nodded "Yeah." He replied as he walked towards his couch and carefully sat himself down, watching as you followed him and sat down beside him "She came by last night. Dumped her in my arms and said she was mine and that she wanted nothing to do with being a mother."

Your eyes snapped to his at this statement and found him looking at you with a tearful expression "Left me enough formula to last me till tonight. No cot, clothes, nothing."

"How could she just leave her?" You sobbed as you looked at the perfect little girl in his arms and Joel just shook his head.

"She said she didn't want to be a mum." He replied "After we broke up she moved back to Austin. Had no idea she was pregnant. Not even Gloria did… then last night she just turned up at my door with her."

"Oh, Joel."

"I'm not ready to be a dad am I?" He asked as he looked at you again, his expression indicating just how scared he was.

"You're going to be the best father to this little girl." You said as you cupped his cheek and moved his face so that he looked you in the eye "You aren't going to be alone in this." You promised him "I will be here whenever you need me to be… day or night I will be here."

Joel nodded. Knocking a few tears loose and you watched as they rolled down his slightly stubbled cheek.

"Thank you, Pip." He breathed, giving you a small smile before he looked down at his little girl again "Her name's Sarah." He said after a short pause and you smiled sweetly at her.

"Hi, Sarah." You said softly as you leaned in to look at her better "Well aren't you just perfect."

"Would you like to hold her?" He asked and you nodded eagerly before carefully taking her off of him and settling into the plush cushions at your back.

You gazed at her sleeping form for what felt like an age. Her perfect little button nose and long black lashes making you swooning.

"I'll let you off." You piped up after a while and Joel hummed he as looked at you in confusion "For standing me up… She's a pretty good excuse."

Joel chuckled as he rested his head on your shoulder, you both continuing to gaze at her.

"We'll get through this…" He said and you nodded.

"Together."

Next

For updates follow @albertasunrise-ficsblog

[marloree]

ᑎEᗯ ᗷOOKS ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎEᗯ ᗩᑕᑫᑌᗩIᑎTᗩᑎᑕES

Pairing: Librarian! Soobin × Bookworm! Reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: this has been dusting in my drafts for months, but I finally got to finish it! Hopefully the effort was worth it. 🥹

You, quite literally, never seemed to get your nose out of a book. No matter what you would be doing, a book was an essential. Eating, traveling somewhere, waiting for the next class - you always had a book in hand. Even if you were not reading at the moment, you for sure would still carry a book or two in your bag.

Books were your bread and water, your oxygen and sun. You wouldn’t lie if you said they were almost everything to you. Having developed a liking to fairytales in your childhood, it turned into something much, much greater as years passed. The little feeling of contentment you would feel when your mother read to you at a younger age turned into joy and excitement of seeking knowledge and getting to learn about worlds, lives and situations you never got to experience yourself.

Fairytales got replaced with books of a more serious nature, soon you replaced your mother in reading to you and read on your own. However, the thrill you felt while gulping a page after page didn’t go anywhere. If possible, it got only stronger. 

Reading was your favorite pastime and it wouldn’t be so difficult to guess what your favorite place to spend your time was, besides your room, of course.

That’s right - the library, the home of so many books. And, in a way, yours, too. It was like your second home. You could spend hours there, taking in the numerous beautiful covers that looked at you from all the bookshelves. Well, this is just what you usually would do: waking up early on the weekends just to go visit the local, oh so dear to you, library.

Having spent so many hours there, you were sure you have taken a look at every book and have talked to every librarian there. Or, so you thought. 

It was such a beautiful summer morning, beautiful and peaceful. The heat hadn’t reached its peak, the city hadn’t fully woken up yet, only the rare birds would chirp here and there. Just like the birds, you, too, were up at this early hour. You just finished your book yesterday night and couldn’t wait to read the continuation. But, for that, you had to wait until the library would open and you could finally take the needed copy. Anticipating the moment with every fiber of your body, you sat on the bed, dreaming of all the possible ways the story could take a turn to, while also not forgetting to glance at the clock every now and then. Of course you started preparing earlier than you should, taking an earlier bus as well: the excitement was running through your veins, replacing its natural content, no less.

A solid 10 minutes earlier than the most punctual librarian would open the door for visitors you stood at the entrance. Your feet tapped a beat only known to them, the book getting traveled from one of your hands to the other in a rather impatient manner. It felt like eternity passed when you finally heard the door being opened from the inside. You immediately turned to the direction of the noise, unwilling to lose even a second. Another moment passed and the door was finally open widely, welcoming the early visitor.

But, to your surprise, it wasn’t the usual librarian that greeted you, but a completely new and unfamiliar face. 

“Uh, good morning”, you muttered, looking up at the stranger, as if both perplexed and curious to see a new face.

The smile on the guy’s face grew wider, although he clearly was a bit nervous: it was his first work day here, or in a library at all, for that matter.

“Good morning, good morning!” He stepped aside, letting you enter the building.

In a moment, the curiosity towards a new face was long gone and forgotten as you laid your eyes on the needed cover, the second part of the book you’ve been longing to read. With a swift gesture, the book traveled into your hands, as you looked at it fondly, lovingly almost.

Your expression hadn’t gone unnoticed by the new librarian: he was taking quick curious glances at you every now and then, you were his first visitor, the first person he had to assist as a librarian. But, even so, his eyes sparkled almost as brightly as yours once he read the title on the cover. It was the name of his favourite series, too. In a few seconds, he walked closer to you, almost overwhelmed with excitement.

“Hey, I see you’ve read the first book, am I right? Did you like it?” The tone of his voice carried a hint of warning of a possible trouble: him exploding from his excitement. But how else could one feel when he, after months if not years, have finally found a fellow series reader?

“Yes, yes, I have!” You turned to him, your smile telling a similar story, "and I absolutely loved it!!"

The next thing you knew, you two started bombarding each other with questions regarding the series and other books of the author. Your enthusiasm was contagious, but no less was his. You kept on interrupting each other, speaking like you could never get tired. Surely, you could spend hours just talking about the thing you both loved - books.

You haven’t met many people who shared such a great amount of love towards reading, so you were more than happy to come across such a person. Your lively conversation went on and on, not seeming to be coming to an end at all. You talked and talked, trying to express all of the thoughts and emotions that got to be buried deep inside your brains for so, so long. Once you two finally shared everything you wanted about the book, your chatter quite abruptly came to a halt.

“Oh, I’m Soobin, by the way”, the librarian smiled with a hint of awkwardness, just now realizing he never introduced himself.

“It's so nice to meet someone who’s just as passionate about the series as I am”, your enthusiasm was over the roof, making you too occupied to notice the sudden feeling of awkwardness or to even remember to introduce yourself back. In your defense, Soobin hadn’t noticed he never got your name either.

“Wait, do you know N.N. too?” You suddenly hit Soobin with another question, remembering your second favorite author.

“Yes, yes, I do!” The awkwardness swiped off the guy's face once the conversation was once again turned to the topic he was so passionate about.

After rambling and rambling without seeming to ever stop or even take a breath, you finally shared everything you wanted - for the moment, at least - and, seemingly, Soobin didn’t have much to say as well.

“It's so nice knowing we share the same interest and even favor similar authors”, you sighed contently, “wait, we just have to get to know each other better.”

“Oh, you think so?” Soobin’s more shy and quiet nature immediately showed up once his favorite topic was taken away from him, “honestly, I’d love to, but I’ve been really busy lately, trying to balance my studies and work, and it doesn’t leave much time for anything else, you know,” his sigh was equivalent to how every student who ever had to take up both fields at once has felt.

“Hm”, you hummed, quickly coming up with a solution, “I don’t have much work on me currently, I could visit the library even daily!” You were so happy to finally find an eager book lover that you were forgetting you were talking to an almost absolute stranger. “If that’s okay with you, of course,” you quickly added.

A wide smile appeared on Soobin's face in an instant after your suggestion. “Of course, of course, I’d be so happy if you would! I doubt I’ll have much work during these first days, so it would be really nice of you if you’d come around.”

“Then I’ll surely come tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, too!”, your smile reached all the way from one ear to the other, “and I’ll definitely bring you a list of my most favorite books!”

“I will as well, then, and I’d definitely be looking forward to tomorrow!”

As you walked out of the library that day, the sun was shining so brightly and the birds were singing even more cheerfully than in the morning, nature seemed to be just as happy as you were. You were so excited about your future conversations, it felt like you've found a perfect, if not soul mate, then a book mate, for sure.

You carried the copy in hand, anticipating tomorrow. But, at the moment, your focus was slowly shifting towards the book. To read it, as always, turned into the main goal of the day. Overnight, preferably.

Meanwhile, among Soobin's daydreams, the realization that he still didn’t know your name crept and grew stronger. Well, he surely would ask you tomorrow. Unless the excitement lets it slip his mind once again, that is.

[kentuckyfriedmegumi]

i’m PISSED about the way gege handled megumi’s character and i wrote an entire 1k-word analysis/rant on it

i think what makes me especially mad in the way that gege has handled megumi’s character is just in how much set up we were being given. yes, megumi was taken over and suppressed for 50 chapters, but we see how he haunts the narrative.

yuji is CONSTANTLY fighting, working to get him back, it is his MAIN focus in this entire fight. yes, he wants to kill sukuna, but it’s BECAUSE he wants megumi back.

“wake up, fushiguro.” (chapter 251)

i’ll do it as many times as it takes! “wake up, fushiguro!” (chapter 263)

in addition to the long, drawn-out “save megumi” arc, we had megumi’s growth as a character before then. he starts off as someone who does not see value in his life. he would rather sacrifice himself to save his friends bc he believes that their lives are worth more than his.

we see this in how willing he is to throw away his life and summon mahoraga. he’s NOT suicidal, it’s just that he would rather that HE be the one to die than anyone else that he cares about when it comes to a deadly situation (sukuna, finger bearer, etc.)

haruta is an entirely different thing, he was already dying. people who think he was stupid for summoning mahoraga on haruta don’t realize he was literally on the verge of death when haruta pulls up and slashes him from behind.

megumi’s mindset is also PERFECTLY defined in the baseball episode and in his flashback talk with gojo in the OoBO. he’d rather play support and sacrifice himself than have someone else sacrifice themselves for him. he needs to learn to be more selfish, greedier, if he ever wants to grow as a sorcerer.

but that contradicts with how he wants to live. he’s living for tsumiki, he’s a socercer for tsumiki. he doesn’t care about getting strong or being the best, he just wants to do what he can to support her, so he doesn’t mind if he’s the sacrifice play.

until yuji. yuji comes in and he dies in the detention center, and we see meg slowly morph into this desire to become stronger. he wants to be strong so he can save people, which is something that he never really cared about doing before, but he doesn’t know how.

then we get to the exchange event, the fight with hanami, and him getting taken out by the bud curse, and he realizes that he NEEDS to be stronger so he can save people like yuji and tsumiki. this is the start of his arc and after his fight in OoBO, he never summons maho again til shibuya

after shibuya (bc there wasn’t a TON of meg development-focused stuff in that arc), we see he’s had a MAJOR growth in his abilities and CT. he’s a lot more confident in how he fights, he’s very dynamic and cunning, and he’s using the shadows in a new way.

but on the other side of it all, he’s struggling a lot internally. tsumiki is awake, but she’s been roped into the CG. he’s wavering and he needs support. he’s stronger now, but he’s not strong enough. he wants to save tsumiki, but he doesn’t know how.

“so start by saving me, itadori!” (chapter 143)

after megumi is taken over sukuna, we see him fight back. he does originally and he suppresses sukuna’s technique in order to protect yuji. however, sukuna acts specifically in a way to sink his soul and submerges him in darkness.

this is the lowest point on megumi’s character. it leads directly into chapter 251 where megumi has entirely given up. he sees no purpose in living, his entire reason for being a sorcerer is dead. yuji tries to pick him up but sukuna cuts them off and we’re left with megumi no longer wanting to live.

this makes his recovery THAT MUCH more important. this makes his character arc SO MUCH more impactful. this is why whenever we get to ch. 266, and yuji and megumi FINALLY talk, it’s a beautiful convergence of their emotions as they talk about their loss and why they feel the way that they do.

this is why it entirely pisses me OFF that after we finally, FINALLY get megumi back, he is immediately sidelined with the rest of the B cast. we don’t get any post-battle discussions, we don’t get a continuation of “i’ll be lonely without you,” we don’t even get a proper conversation between him and yuji.

all of this buildup, this setup, this constant tension between megumi and yuji saving each other and yuji doing literally anything and everything to get megumi back, it all comes to a boiling point, it’s about to spill over the pot, and then it just… ????

i actually get so SO mad thinking about the way that megumi’s character has been concluded. unless this final chapter really does touch on him, his outlook on life, and his motivations now, megumi’s character was just entirely wasted and thrown to the side of the sake of other conclusions and new plot introductions.

we don’t even get a further explanation of “i’ll try to live for someone else.” we know it’s for yuji, we know he comes back because yuji tells him he’ll be lonely. but megumi deciding to live for another person is just putting him back at square one. UNLESS we learn that it’s different.

maybe meg is living for yuji but without the self-expectation and pressure he had when he was living for tsumiki. maybe he realized that even a simple life is worth living, so he will use yuji as a crutch as he finds his purpose again again.

something. ANYTHING. any sort of convo that indicates that megumi has NOT retracted into his old self. it probably is the case where he chooses to live for yuji, but is determined to live for himself, but JESUS can we not get a convo about that????

in conclusion, megumi’s character has been so BEAUTIFULLY written. he is so tragic with so many complex motivations and ideas. and we get all this converging together at the very end and it just… disappears. it’s immediately sidelined. how fucking frustrating is that.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hi!! I just read your answer about Harry s treatment at the Dursley s... How do you think did he manage to grow up as a kind and mentally stable boy despite it (not that he was happy, this influenced his development a lot, but it could have gone so much worse )?

Or was it just necessary for the story that he does?

Well, people can react to trauma and abuse in a lot of different ways. Some lash out, some try and be kind and helpful, and some want to keep as far away from people as they can. Humans are varied and react to a lot of different things in a lot of different ways. There is no universal "right way" to respond to trauma and abuse. Yes, Harry could've been worse, but then he wouldn't be Harry. There's a discussion of nature and nurture here that I won't go much into, but Harry's nature, and who Harry is outside of his trauma and abuse affected how he responded to it. And Harry is an incredibly strong-willed person, so his response to trauma innately isn't to break — it's to fight. We see it often in the books, and I think the reason he turned out the way he is, is because this aspect is part of his nature. Enough part of his nature that he could resist the Imperius on his first try.

Besides, Harry has behaviors that are a result of his abuse, they're just more subtle. But they are definitely there. Harry doesn't trust easily, and when it comes to adults and people of authority who should keep his interest, he trusts even less. He knows he can't count on them. This is why he takes so much responsibility for himself, the adults in his life could never be trusted. He is incredibly feisty, always guarded and ready for something to come at him. This constant vigilance is a result of his abuse. You see the years of the Dursleys in how protective he is of his friends, of how desperate he is to fit in in first year that he changes his behavior to be more similar to what everyone else is doing — so he won't be a freak. How unwilling he is to hear that he's special, because at the Dursleys — special was bad. How Harry doesn't let Umbridge see he's in pain when she makes him use the blood quill because he knows that's what Vernon and Dudley wanted to see and he isn't giving them the satisfaction. How quiet Harry is. Because Harry doesn't actually talk a lot when compared to other characters, his voice was never something the Dursleys wanted to hear and he's good at pretending he doesn't exist.

Harry's anger (which I adore) is a defense mechanism. His anger issues are likely the result of being constantly in this hypervigilant state and constantly feeling under threat. Harry is ready to fight at the drop of a hat because he's constantly in fight or flight mode. This is a trauma response. Reaction to abuse and trauma doesn't need to be obvious and glaring and what you expect. It could be a lot of little things. and Harry's reactions and behavior all show signs of him having experienced trauma that he didn't quite unpack. He can come off as okay because he's trying very hard to appear that way, it's part of his defensive mechanism. Acting like everyone else so he won't be called a freak — but it also hides his abuse and his responses to it. Only in books 4 and 5, do we start to see Harry being more vocal in his sass to people other than Ron and Hermione and inside his own head. Like, he overcame things within himself, he had a small, subtle arc, but that's a lot of times how these things are. Subtle.

I think his compassion is an inherent part of him. Like, I mentioned nature versus nurture, and I think a good chunk of his compassion is a result of Harry's nature. But, his nurture (that is, the Dursleys' abuse), I think, did exasperate it in a certain way. While abuse and trauma can make someone less sympathetic, it could also make them more so. In Harry's case, I think a lot of his compassion comes from a place of sympathy. Of being able to see himself in someone else's shows because he knows what it's like to be treated like you are worthless. So, he'd never treat someone else in the same way. Even when Harry hates someone, his hate comes with some, well, I'd call it base-level respect. Even people he hates are people in his eyes. He is willing to kill them and hurt them if he deems it necessary, but he never forgets they are people. Even if they're house elves or goblins.

As for if it was necessary for the story, I mean, Harry Potter wouldn't be Harry Potter without the cupboard under the stairs. So, yes, him having a good childhood would change the books, but would he be kind and compassionate without years of abuse? Probably.

[marvelstars]

I was thinking about the worst part when it comes to Obi-Wan and Anakin´s relationship issues wasn´t the tragic end in ROTS but those seeds planted at the start of their story where Obi-Wan resented Qui-Gon´s attention for Anakin while he felt the boy wasn´t much to look at and a future issue for his master with the Council in the long run which made Obi-Wan worried for his master reputation and how this would be affected while he could care less about Anakin´s well being or his pov or even his feelings on the matter.

The worst part is that Anakin didn´t just listen to Obi-Wan´s words, he could feel all of this from Obi-Wan as sensible as he was with the force and he could deal with Obi-Wan seeing him as a problem as long as Qui-Gon was alive and seemed to genuinely care for him even if nobody else at the Jedi Temple seemed to care but when Qui-Gon died he should have felt very lonely with a new guardian grieving his master who saw him more like a promise to his master legacy than a person.

Imagine all those times 9 year old Anakin missed his Mom or cried himself to sleep thinking about her, wondering if she was alright while other padawans teased him about his former slave status, his lack of formal education or his difficulty understanding concepts they have been told since they were babies, while not having any close relationship for the mere fact he didn´t grow up with them and his master more or less agreed with them even if he didn´t openly said it.

Anakin didn´t even have someone to have his back while he was growing up at the temple, because from their perspective those were issues he had to get over, no need for someone to support him emotinally or simply showed him some empathy, those were the same issues Obi-Wan had with Anakin since the moment they meet and while Anakin certainly did his best to grow into his potential, stydying hard and doing well on his studies, he was hardly recognized by his master, when his efforts were seen as arrogance instead of efforts to get the approval of his master and his peers.

Imagine that level of loneliness that your only company during your development years were the droids who helped you remember home and your Mom while at the same time feeling guilty for not feeling welcome at the temple because you were free and feed while your mother and friends were slaves and often lacked food and no one in the area could even begin to understand how Anakin felt and why except "Palpatine" but instead of helping Anakin he used this to manipulate him, get his trust and later make him fall to madness and the darkside.

The Sith Lord master understood better than anybody else at the Jedi temple that Anakin needed a father figure, not a master or a cold envoirment because that was familiar to him, that gave him emotional strenght and stability and more importantly, that make Anakin trust them and give his loyalty, no wonder he decided leaving Anakin to train as a Jedi in such circunstances were proper eteps towards becoming his sith apprentice and that irony probably didn´t escape him or Vader once he fell to the darkside but I don´t think Obi-Wan quite got that understanding until later when he saw Luke grow up with the Lars family but certainly not in the first few years post ROTS, he probably just reflected on where did he go wrong with Anakin.

[rupturedtaleblog]

Hi everyone, Tile here, under more ideal circumstances, you would have gotten everything I wanted to do for the anniversary all at once, but due to my personal life becoming far more busy than I'd like, the content for this year is going to be spread out over the rest of the month.

The following is mostly going to be a few thoughts of mine, over the history of this project, and about a few personal anecdotes. If you don't care about that, feel free to just look at the art up there, it was made by VeggieUTDR.

I would like to start things off by thanking those of you who have decided to still follow this project. What started out as a stupid joke made to spite someone had transformed into a project that is incredibly personal to me. One that I, come hell or high water, will see through it to its completion, one way or another.

8 years feels like an incredible amount of time. A lot of things happened to me, and some things stayed relatively the same. It's part of why I've decided to never really cancel this. By the time Rupturedtale started, it was during the boom of Undertale AU Sprite Comics, it was a project among many of those, and one that would surely fade just like a good chunk of them.

That never really happened, though, as I'm currently talking to you. As corny as this may sound, there is a part of me inside of this thing. And it's a part of me I cannot bring myself to hurt. This whole story is about hurt, really, it'd be cruel to put it out of its misery when it can become something truly beautiful.

If you're wondering why it's taken so long, besides my life in general being busy, it's because I've spent a lot of time developing some personal projects with some good friends of mine. Ones that for the time being aren't really meant for the public eye. Creating those memories is important to me, and they will also shape how some of the things in this project are going to be.

You might get to catch a glimpse at one of them.

There isn't anything of major substance that I can show right now, the Date itself has things that will be better off being shown in their proper context. And its overall script needs to undergo revision before it can be put into game form. In the event of complete and utter catastrophic failure, you can expect it to come out in comic form instead.

In general, for the projects that are made by my hand (and the very lovely people who help said hand), I will be publishing a roadmap of what to expect in the future. There are a lot of things that I want to do, and I'm very eager to show them to you. I just need to get to them first.

Again, I'm incredibly grateful for your patience, there's not a lot of you out there, I'm aware, but for the ones that still are, I promise you're gonna get what you've been looking for.

If there is anything I've learned the past few years, is that my love for this game will never truly die, I will be thinking about it for the rest of my life.

Though, that doesn't mean I will only create under its own shadow.

You can't just play with the same toy over and over again, you know.

You'd want something new.

Eventually.

[bicheetopuff]

You ever think about what was going through izuku's head whenever he saw katsuki warming upto the other students in 1-A (particularly Kirishima), respecting their abilities, and accepting them as friends (before his own relationship with katsuki started to develop)

I know obviously he would have been happy that katsuki is making true friends, but a part of him must have felt so insecure about himself and wondered why katsuki didn't want to accept him.

I also feel like the moment during the final exams when katsuki said he'd rather lose than work with deku must have hurt izuku atleast a little because he saw katsuki working with others during the cavalry battle or during the usj incident. He even acknowledges that kirishima has become katsuki's friend.

I’m sure he’s glad that Katsuki is making friends, but at the same time I think a part of him is kind of feeling left out about it, considering how he doesn’t acknowledge it until it’s absolutely dire while still making it clear that he noticed. I feel like it could a similar case as Ochako’s, feeling silently jealous and hating the feeling because he wants to be happy for him. I feel like that’s somewhat confirmed by this interview that he did in 2019 when Heroes Rising was about to come out.

(This translation is different than the one I linked, but are essentially saying the same thing)

And considering the way he was drawn in the panel where he made this choice, I’d say yeah, he definitely feels some sort of insecurity.

He takes both Katsuki and Uraraka’s words as “he doesn’t want to be rescued by *me* specifically” which is sad because I feel like it’s clear that that isn’t what Katsuki intended when he said what he said. Like, yes he probably wouldn’t have liked to have been Izuku to reach out to him again, but I doubt he’d let his petty grudge let him stay in All Mights way in a situation like that. I think he wanted him to not follow him because Deku was already in a fucked up state and would’ve been made a liability fairly quickly, especially considering how Deku had already been targeted by the league of villains specifically before this. Katsuki is brash, but he’s not dumb.

In the case of their final exam, I actually don’t think Izuku was hurt because Katsuki would rather work with other people, I think he was more hurt that Katsuki was willing to lose at all, under any circumstance, because that’s just not the Katsuki he knows.

(Some of these panels are edited together, so if they don’t feel like they’re in order, that’s why)

Deku has always had this unfaltering faith in Katsuki. Faith that ran so deep, that Katsuki saying something otherwise, legitimately pissed him off enough to punch him in the face and lecture him. He doesn’t want to hear it because he doesn’t want to believe it. It has nothing to do with how Katsuki feels about him but more how Katsuki maintains his own values, so that he can continue to look up to him without regret. You know why?

All Might is the worlds Symbol of Peace, but…

Katsuki is Izuku’s Symbol of Victory.

And I think Katsuki started to treat his urge to win differently, especially after his and Izuku’s final exam. It seemed like he was more willing to act like Izuku when he needed to, just like Izuku acted like him when he knew it’d benefit him. Willing to work as a team with people and sacrifice himself a little more. Because he literally can’t let Izuku one up him in anything. Hence why he died for no other reason than to prove a point. That he’s willing to do anything to win even if that means breaking himself.

(There’s like three panels I want to put here but I can’t cuz I’m running out of space and want to keep space for the last point I wanna make.

Basically, just reread the end of DvK2, Class A v Class b joint training arc, and the PLW arc. If you care that much lmao.)

It almost seemed like that even though he wanted to keep winning to Deku, he didn’t really want Deku to lose him at the same time. Which is why we never saw them fight again. Neither of them wanted to win or lose, which was why their training was always basically just Deku letting Katsuki get the best of him, because let’s be real… Izuku could’ve beaten Katsuki physically, easily. But he can’t stand seeing Katsuki lose, so he never let him. And I’m pretty sure Katsuki was aware of that, considering how his internal monologue in the PLW arc was saying.

Anyways…

Katsuki has to win, but also, Deku can’t lose. That’s basically the conclusion they came to terms with silently.

Literally the definition of “Person A fell first, but Person B fell harder,” but y’know… they’re just being silly. What they want for themselves are contradictory from what they want for each other, and it makes it so that they simultaneously want both of them to be the best version of themselves.

It also kind of mind fucks you when you think about how Katsuki strived to be the hero that Deku already saw him as, while Deku did the same thing, but both were kind of in the opposite direction/a direction neither of them really wanted the other to take… Katsuki believed that Deku’s urge to save was his biggest strength while simultaneously being the reason for his lack in success because he stopped taking himself into account if it meant saving someone, which is true, while Deku believed Katsuki’s biggest strength was his urge to win while also simultaneously believing that it was the reason for Katsuki’s downfall in some cases because it inflated his ego too much and he’d be willing to do anything to win just to protect that ego… which is also true… ugh they hurt my brain

This post ended up being a lot longer than I intended, oops

[melonteee]

ok im anon about nami. firstly, im actually really sorry for spoiling you. i did not know about how you only read them while streaming them and i only saw streaming posts about anime episodes. it was not my intention, im sorry!! secondly, i understand everyone's arguments about similar instances pre-timeskips, nami opening up more and who wouldn't be scared of bugs, etc. i didnt mean to make it sound rude esp about sakura, it was just an emotional response bc i love nami sm. yes girls can be silly but its just one of those "vibes/feelings" grievances that when put to words doesnt make sense. yes nami previously ran away scared just like now but its just the way she does it now since timeskip feels so weird? like it felt almost comically stereotypical the way her face was and her being on the floor like that? i cant explain it well, yes nami would cry and run but the way she would is so different. "waah save me" doesnt feel like nami even an opened up one. and its not about a woman not being able to be scared, im not asking her to solo giant bugs. this is just one instance, ive felt weird about her post-timeskip, she feels more hollow. i want more genius navigation nami, in general, than "weak person of the group that always needs help" nami which is why i loved that scene in fishman island of her being complimented. i think this is more of a agree to disagree cause i cant shake the feeling. anyways sorry to everyone again!

sorry anon I didn't mean to be rude I was just frustrated since I quite publicly read the officials when they come out (livestreams and such) but yes I'd say it's an agree to disagree situation.

As someone who read through/watched all of One Piece in the span of 3 months (with no nostalgia for the original ig) I didn't notice a decline in Nami's character at all - all it feels like is she's just gotten more comfortable with the Strawhats. I seem to be one of the rare few who likes her ts version more than her pre-ts version and it's because, as I've said, she feels happier and more comfortable with her crew WHILE still navigating the seas AND being the witch that she is - as we saw with her laughtale discovery and her navigation at the beginning of Egghead.

I think it's a shame to think a character developing into a warmer person through the love they're receiving means they've become lesser of a character, while I'm not saying you do that anon, this exact same thing happens to Robin in the ts as well. Design aside (and yes I totally understand that issue) Robin's ts character is a lot softer and a lot sweeter because she's HAPPIER! Watching/reading One Piece from start to finish all in one go is how you can truly feel the joy in these character's hearts becoming something more imo

[curio-queries]

I saw Jungkook's documentary this weekend and have just a few thoughts. If you're avoiding spoilers, don't click the cut!

The Hybe Documentary Format

So...as a reminder to you all, I do not have professional expertise in the film industry. I'm just a very discerning consumer. I also haven't seen Hobi's documentary and I watched Road to D-Day while I was quite ill last year so I only vaguely remember some bits. (I'll definitely be getting back to those sooner rather than later though as research for a series of posts I'm developing.) That being said, I think we have enough data points to state that Hybe has absolutely no interest in filmmaking techniques outside of music videos.

I did mostly enjoy my experience seeing this film yesterday and I'm always grateful for any amount of footage the members are willing to share with us but this 'documentary ' was worse than Jimin's Production Diary. Any of you that managed to make it through my rambling review will know how dissatisfied I was with that.

I Am Still is not a documentary, it's a mixture of showcase footage and behind-the-scenes clips, most of which has already been divulged in the various episodes and shooting sketches on YouTube. Honestly, if you're not able to see the film, just go rewatch all of the bangtantv content for JKs solo period and the showcase and you'll be up to speed with 85% of what was in the documentary.

There are definitely some expansions to the storylines featured in the bangtantv content; mostly being anything that wasn't overtly optimistic. For example, we learn a little bit more about just how sick JK was during the Seven/3D promotions. That content likely was pulled from the bangtantv edit because it would have put a damper on the promotions and given certain 'fans' a focus to fixate their vitriol. But overall, it feels more like an extended version of existing content rather than a new work. At least JPD didn't continually feed us footage we'd seen before.

I'm someone who gets completely bothered by previews spoiling content so I didn't watch any of the promos until after I saw it and I am so glad I skipped them because most of the 'original' scenes of the film were featured in least one of them. Alas, that's a separate issue of which I'm definitely in the minority.

Was There No Structure?

Kinda. Like JPD, there is a semblance of a structure: Attempting to follow the chronology of release activities for JKs GOLDEN album through the lens of JKs staement trying to prove that he is still worthy of everything he was being hailed as during the BTS group activities but I don't feel this was successfully executed. It jumps round enough and isn't very successful in explaining the events if you didn't already know about them. The film starts with the SEVEN performance at GMA and footage that we've already seen of JK recording SEVEN, not mentioning anything about the music video or really how JK got involved with the song in the first place. The rest of the story beats have similar missing points.

They have a vague narrative with the 'I Am Still' points but that's mostly carried by subs and a couple of moments that JK mentions himself. I'm not saying it's not true or wasn't top-of-mind for JK during this process but it's not the main point of many of the moment/messages he shared with us during this time period so it feels a little disingenuous since everything else jn this film really only makes sense if you've already seen quite a lot of behind-the-scenes content.

Honestly, it makes me question the intended audience. Obviously, they know that ARMY will shell out whatever we need to when there's new content from our members but most of us will have already seen all of the bangtantv content so we are already familiar with the most of the footage in this film. I genuinely don't think this was produced in such a way to be palatable for audiences not familiar with BTS so who does that leave? Our friends and family that are peripherally aware of the content but haven't learned the basics of JKs album? ARMY with short term memories only?

But again, it seems this film was compiled by an editing team and not lead by a director with experience in crafting a documentary. The only new footage that Ican guarantee was captured with the express purpose of being included in this film was the few clips of JK talking in the practice room with the albums displayed by him. But we all know that's where all of the promo clips were gathered as well. I have issues with that approach as well but I'll leave this point alone for now unless anyone is interested.

Suffice it to say, all of these suppositions over the past year about how JKs documentary was getting special treatment or even questioning about investment in a project up front are dead. This was a product assembled with bits of what they already had completely in-house which was sold for distribution.

So, Did We Learn NOTHING?

No, there are a few Golden nuggets (see what I did there?). I can't recall everything having only seen it once (and having a rather disruptive audience - I swear there were only dozen or so ppl in my theater but I forget how obnoxious teenagers can be. I'm glad they're enjoying and supporting but we really didn't need light sticks flashing during a film and how many times does one person need to get up to answer their phone during this runtime? Three according to the row in front of mine.)

Anyway, something I thought was interesting to learn was that Standing Next To You was initially recorded the day after JK heard it for the first time. And hearing a little more about how JK yearned to perform that song definitelygot me thinking a little more about it. We can't reach any conclusions just with this little nugget but it does open the door to some theories. Like perhaps they were initially planning to have JK record two separate albums? SEVEN and 3D would be the singles of the first and JK would perform them as we saw but perhaps STNY was originally planned to be the single of the 2nd album that would release while he was in the military and thus be unable to perform it? Maybe JK loved STNY so much that everything was grouped into one album and Never Let Go was the only track held back for ms? Definitely some theorizing space to be had now.

Final thoughts?

Similar to my thoughts on the GCF: Budapest (which I feel would have had a much better reception if it had been labeled as a bangtan episode rather than a GCF), I AM Still should not have purported to be a documentary. It was much more similar to the annual Memories compilations. But the general public would not have shelled out the $25 to go to a theater to watch a Memories DVD so alas, we have our content packaged as a ~documentary~...

Did my view on the music change at all? Not because of the documentary. We're coming up on the year anniversary of GOLDEN and it's still definitely not my favorite. I completely understand why some people like it but it's just not to my taste. The overall impact falls a little flat for me. Too much breadth and not enough depth. I came into my musical soul during the 00s emo phase and will always be a sucker for music that absolutely drips in an emotional way rather than catchy songs vaguely referencing heartache and love. Again, just a matter of viewpoint.

I do think most of these songs stand much better being shuffled amongst other artists in a Playlist and several of them are significantly better when JK sang them live but I still won't be listening to them regularly. I wholeheartedly believe JK completed his task of proving himself as an extremely dedicated and versatile singer and performer. He's definitely got some solid points added to his resume after this project.

[moonliched]

*biting you like a squeaky toy*

HELLO FRIEND I MISS YOU!! TELL ME SOME RANDOM BENEFITS FIC FACTS PLEASE

AAAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAHH!! (the last thing i see before deerbot Gets Me⬇️)

hi hi hiiii🥰✨ i miss u too!

(🩵✨i'm writing the below as of chapter 16✨🩵)

✨ Sun and Moon are omnivores and cook their food, with a few exceptions. however, Moon has developed a taste for some raw foods, which Sun thinks is gross and bad manners - he doesn't like to eat his food freshly killed and still twitching😅 (he's secretly worried they'll both backslide into savagery in their mutual isolation)

✨ in chapter 16, after Eclipse dropped Meryn multiple times he fled mostly out of embarrassment and spent the rest of the night curled up somewhere quiet, cringing at himself

✨ Meryn would have found a way to quietly get back at Vanessa or treated her more harshly by now if BON-BON wasn't their friend. because he spoke about Vanessa in a dangerous way from the start, Meryn feels the need to run interference in case BON-BON accidentally exposes himself. initially they were also worried that he could genuinely harm Vanessa without understanding the gravity of it, but they trust him not to do that now

✨ Freddy speaks to BON-BON so naturally and casually that it lowers his guard. as a result, BON-BON frequently almost slips up and responds which privately really freaks him out

✨ there's an area of Sun and Moon's warm environment that has hot sand and stones, and pools of bubbling heated water fed from deep thermal vents. Moon doesn't mind a dip from time to time, but Sun absolutely loves to bask. sometimes he burrows into the warm sand and falls asleep with only the tips of his spinal fins visible

✨ Something Is Living In The Facility Vents

✨ it hasn't happened yet, but when Sun and Moon are offered bready type foods, they'll be repulsed by it because of the springy, fuzzy texture. it reminds them of fungi

✨ Chica's species of anthropomorphic aliens also has a set of teeth at the opening of the throat

✨ Meryn has fed Moon and now Sun so much food without asking for any in exchange, that Sun insists they need to return the favour. he keeps experimenting with meals and asking Moon what Meryn would like to eat, and getting annoyed that Moon has no answers other than "uhhh apple. uhhhhhh." Moon is just now realising that he has no idea what Meryn would prefer and suspects (correctly) that they've only started carrying food that he would like. he feels shamefully flustered over it

✨ out of the two, Sun is the one you need to be wary of enraging

✨ Roxy is so cold towards Vanessa because she initially didn't like her, and they had to work to earn each other's respect and friendship. so Roxy sees Vanessa's recent behaviour as a backslide into old bad habits, and feels hurt and betrayed by it

✨ during bad nights when they feel especially alone, Sun and Moon will both softly light up their fins and sing together until they fall asleep. they sleep with their tails curled together

[joedirtymadre]

Villain Attack

SHOTA AIZAWA X READER! FLUFF! SMUT! (Pretty please send more requests)

You let out a sigh of relief as you stretched back into your seat, finally done grading exams. You heard a knock on your office door, you looked over to see Aizawa standing in the doorway. “Done grading?” He asked. “Yeah, I was afraid I wouldn’t finish before the end of the day,” you smiled. “I see, well… would you like to go grab dinner together? To celebrate completing the first semester?” He asked. “D-Dinner?” Your voice cracked. “Yes! I mean, yes… dinner sounds nice. Just give me 10 minutes to collect my things,” you said. “I will wait for you in the front of the school,” he said as he walked out. “Ok,” you called out.

You stared blankly at your desk. “He invited me to dinner…? He invited me out to dinner!” You squealed as you jumped up and began rushing to collect your things. “He never invited people out! I’m so excited!” you grinned. You’ve developed a small crush since starting here at UA High, but as each day passes it’s been getting harder to keep these feelings at bay. Especially since you’ve found yourself running into him more recently. But either way, this crush will stay a crush there’s no way you’ll jeopardize this friendship. You immediately grabbed your belongings, throwing them in your bag and racing out your office towards the front of the school.

“Hey!” You waved as you ran up to Aizawa. “Did you wait long?” You asked. “No, I just got here a few minutes ago. Had to grab some files to take home,” he explained. “Alright, so where did you plan on having dinner?” You asked as you both began heading towards the gate. “I was in the mood for some cold soba, especially in this heat,” he mentioned. “Sounds like a plan, lead the way!” You smiled. “Sure, mind if we take an alley as a shortcut? I found it a while back,” he said. You shook your head and followed him.

You both slowly walked through the dark alley, “I didn’t realize how late it was,” you mentioned. “Yeah, it’s almost 8. The sun has already set,” he replied. You looked around at the dark and unsettling alley, you tried to keep your composure, but jumped a little when you saw a rat run across the street. “You really walk through here? There’s so many rats…” you said nervously, watching your step. “I don’t usually pass through here this late, I’ve found a few strange characters here while pass-“ his words were cut off.

“Shota~~” someone cooed. You both turned back quickly and noticed a pale woman standing a few feet away from you. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?” Aizawa asked as he clutched onto his scarf. “You don’t know who I am? How can you say that to me? We're lovers! You know that!” The woman yelled. “H-Huh?” You were confused by the situation in front of you. Lovers?? Aizawa and her? You were brought out of your thoughts. 

“I’ve never seen you before,” Aizawa said, but you noticed his posture swayed a little. You shook your head and stood beside Aizawa, of course he wouldn’t lie about something like this. You’ve known him long enough to trust his words. “And you dare let this bitch stand by you? I can’t believe you can betray me so easily!” She cried. You squinted as you noticed her tattered dress, untamed hair, scarred skin. “Who are you?” You called out. 

“Don’t you dare speak to me! I’m obviously his wife, the love of his life! And you’re trying to get in between us!” She growled as she pulled out a dagger from behind her back. You glanced over to Aizawa who now had a hand placed over his temples. “Aizawa?!” You asked nervously. You watched as your friend struggled to stand, his body shook, and his breath hitched. “There’s something wrong with me,” his voice cracked. 

“What did you do to him?” You called out. “Oh that? It’s just his way of showing how much he loves me. My quirk is sort of like an aphrodisiac, only works on men… but that’s fine with me. If it’ll help my sweet Shota realize how much he needs me that’s fine with me,” she cooed. “You’re sick,” you narrowed your eyes.

“Now get away from him! He’s mine! Everything was supposed to go smoothly, but you just had to be here with him! I’ve planned this for weeks!” She stomped. You stared in disgust as you watched her cry. You definitely had to help Aizawa and yourself get out of here and away from this weirdo. 

“I’m warning you now, drop the weapon and put your hands in the air before you get hurt,” you said as you slowly pulled Aizawa’s scarf off of him. He seemed not to notice or care. “Ha! What are you, the police? Get out of the way before I mess up that face of yours,” she grinned. 

You slowly pulled out a chapstick from your bag. “What are you doing?!” The woman cried out as she charged towards you. You jumped out of the way, dodging her blade. Knowing you have little time before she attacks again you tossed the chapstick towards her. “A chapstick?” She asked confused as she stared at the flying object. You snapped your fingers and replaced spots with the chapstick, teleporting in front of the woman.

“Ah!” The woman screamed as she fell back in surprise and used her arms to shield herself. With her being distracted you whipped you then swung your leg around and kicked her as hard as you could, knocking her out. With Aizawa’s scarf you immediately ran over to her to tie her up.

(Quick Quirk Intro: Object Teleportation- (Y/N) can use personal objects to help her teleport across the map, but as long as there’s a personal object left behind, ready to be switched with.)

“Thank god,” you sighed as you rushed over to tie her up with the scarf. Once you finished tying her up you heard footsteps running towards you. “Hey! Are you ok? I saw sparks coming from-“ you looked over to see a hero running over. He froze as he noticed you tying up a woman. “Hey, we’re fine, we got attacked by her and her strange quirk. Make sure you take her in before she wakes up and is able to activate her quirk again,” you said as you stood up. 

“W-What about you and your- oh god we need an ambulance your friend is down!” He said worriedly. “I’ll take him, I’m fine!” You reassured him. “I’m an instructor at UA, we’ll be fine. Just go take her to the police,” you instructed. “I-I understand. Thank you,” he said as he carried off the woman.

You quickly turned towards Aizawa who was now on his knees, shaking uncontrollably. “Aizawa,” you called out, you were about to reach out to him, but… “Stop!” He yelled. You quickly retracted your hand. “Please… don’t touch me right now… It feels strange, I can’t think,” he gasped. “A-Aizawa… then l-let me call an ambulance! Or call back that hero!” You said. “No… just let me… ride it out… I’m fine, please…” he said softly. 

You knelt down beside him, using every nerve in your body to not reach out and help him. “W-What do I do?” You whispered to yourself. You hated seeing him this way… seeing him suffer and all you can do is just sit next to him and watch. Suddenly an idea came to you, “A-Aizawa… we both know this is from that woman’s quirk. The a-aphrodisiac,” you stuttered. “Mm…” he replied. “Well… I-I can help. The effect should w-wear off if I… help…” you felt your ears burn. 

“What are you… trying to… say?” He panted. “Hear me out. I just hate seeing you suffer and you’re under the effects of an aphrodisiac… and I don’t know, but as long as I can help just a little…,” you bit your lip. Regretting everything coming out of your mouth, but also wanting to do everything in your power to help him. “Do you even know what you are saying?” He asked. 

“I d-do…” you blushed. You noticed Aizawa slowly rise up. You watched as he turned to you, his eyes having a dark haze over them. His cheeks have a slight pink hue, his lips bleeding from biting. “W-We’re still near the school… as long as y-you’re ok wi-“ you were cut off by a pair of warm lips smashing against yours. 

Your eyes widened as his lips hungrily took over yours. His hands moving straight to your behind, you gasped, surprised by the sudden touch. “Fuck,” he groaned as he pushed you to a wall, placing both hands on each side of you preventing you from escaping. You took this moment to catch your breath, watching Aizawa as he stared. 

“Are you sure you want to continue?” He asked in a low voice. You bit your lip, too late to back out now. You threw your arms around him, and quickly snapped your fingers. Immediately teleporting you two back home. 

Shota looked around and realized where you two were. “L-Let’s continue?” You asked. He immediately pushed you onto your bed. Then pulling you into a passionate kiss, you gasped as you felt his hands roam across your body. “God you’re making me go crazy,” he said, as he reached for your blouse. “H-Hold-“ but it was too late, he ripped your top apart. 

Leaving you exposed, you immediately moved your hands over your breast. “No bra?” He smirked as he tugged on your locked arms. “My costume has a b-built in o-one,” you blushed. “Ahh,” he smiled slyly. You avoided his dark eyes, but still felt his intense gaze. “Not gonna let me see?” He asked. “U-Umm…” you glanced over and stared at his top. “I see, you don’t want to be alone in the spotlight…” he trailed off. You watched as he quickly pulled off his sweater, causing your mouth to dry. 

You stared at his chest, he’s quite lean, but built. “Never knew you had a staring problem,” he smirked. “I-I don’t!” You squeaked. He chuckled at your reaction, and again pulled on your arms. You slowly removed your arms, leaving your top exposed. A second later his hands moved towards your chest, fondling and kissing them. You bit your lip, not wanting to make too much noise.

He then moved upwards to your neck as he kept his hands busy. Nibbling and sucking at your skin as your hands reached up to his untamed hair. “Shota y-you’re teasing me t-too much,” you whined. “I’m sorry… I was hoping this would be enough… but it’s not,” he whispered into your ear. You felt his fingers glide along the hem of your bottoms, you lifted your hips slightly and helped him remove them. You blushed as you realized how wet you were. 

You let out a squeak as you felt his fingers brush against your folds. “I was afraid we’d need lube, but looks like you’re more than ready,” he smirked as he slowly removed his belt and dropped his pants. Your eyes widened as you saw the sight in front of you. You were definitely going to have to call out tomorrow… 

You moaned as you felt his tip rub up and down your folds. “Fuck…” he whispered. You bit your lip as he slowly thrusted into you. Your nails dug into his arms and arms and you wrapped your legs around him. “Good?” He asked. You took a few more deep breaths before nodding your head. 

You felt his cock slowly pull out before slamming back inside. You threw your head back, shaking from the sudden thrust. This pattern continued, before you knew it you couldn’t hold back your moans any more. “Ha~ Shota~” you let out. All you would hear in response were his rough grunts as he continued to mess up your insides. His arms were covered in scratches. 

His pace quickened, you felt your core heat up. “W-Wait! Wait!” You begged as you tried to push against his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. You soon felt a wave of pleasure rock through your body. “Already?” He grunted. “Slow down! I’m r-really sensitive!” You cried out. “I can tell, you won’t stop squeezing me,” he smirked. He continued to quicken his pace, you felt your body burning with ecstasy with each thrust.

“Fuck… I’m…” you heard him, causing you to wrap your legs tighter around him. “(Y/N),” his breath hitched as he did one final thrust deep inside you. You were then pulled into another passionate kiss, this time more gentle. 

Shota then slowly pulled himself out, leaving you empty. You laid on top of your desk, trying to catch your breath. “Can you walk?” He asked softly. “I-I think so, but give me a second. I’m j-just a bit lightheaded,” you replied. “Let me help you,” he said softly. “H-Huh?” you stuttered as you were lifted into his arms. “Where’s your bathroom?” He asked. You directed him to the restroom and was carried out of the room. 

Later

You both sat in the bath, luckily the tub was large enough for you two to fit. You sat nervously in front of Aizawa, too nervous to lean back into him. “I’m sorry,” you heard, bringing you out of your thoughts. “Huh?” you asked as you turned your head back to face him. “If I was more careful I wouldn't have been caught by that user’s quirk… and I wouldn’t have had to force you into that situation,” he said softly, avoiding your eyes. 

“Shota… did you really think you forced me into that situation?” You asked softly. “Well you said you wanted to help me… if I wasn’t in that position you wouldn’t have offered to do something so drastic,” he replied. You huffed as you flipped your head back around, “I-I wasn’t forced… I- well I mean… I’ve always liked you so… it wasn’t such a bad thing for either of us right?” you asked nervously, feeling your ears burn red. “What?” He asked. “I-I’ve always had… feelings for you… so I wasn’t forced into anything… In fact, it was like… a fantasy came true,” you blushed. “I see…” he trailed off. You flinched as you felt a pair of lips graze your neck, “So you were happy that you got to help me in that sort of way?” He asked.

You could feel his smirk against your skin, “I g-guess…” you replied. “Then in a way I guess my fantasies came true too,” he said softly as he gently kissed your nape. “R-Really?” You asked. “Mmm… maybe that villain’s quirk wasn’t the worst thing to happen,” she said. “I guess not,” you smiled softly as you leaned into him. “Please take care of me from now on,” he said softly as he placed a hand on your chin, causing you to look at him. “Mm-hmm, I will,” you smiled before being pulled into another kiss.

[albertasunrise]

Work Wife - Two (Preview)

Masterlist

64.media.tumblr.com

Series Masterlist - One

Wow... so what a reception this fic has received already! So happy that you all are loving it so far!

Chapter two is well under way as I had already started writing it but had decided to split what I had. Obviously needs a little more tweaking but thought you'd all like a taster of what's to come 🥰

Enjoy!

It felt like with each interaction you shared with Simon, the less seeing Joel every day, and knowing that he didn't return your feelings, hurt you. What you didn't realise was that your budding new relationship with Simon was tearing Joel apart. Simon couldn't help but gush to the other contractors about how special you were or how amazingly things were going. How he was starting to think that you might be the one. That statement made Joel want to find a remote canyon so that he could lob Simon into it. Yet he knew he had no right to feel jealous. It's not like he'd ever had the guts to go for it. It was his own fault that he was suffering now. Yet that didn't make him hate Simon any less. What he hated more was you talking to him about the dates that his 'so-called' friend was taking you on. It was killing him. "Oh Joel, you would have loved the walk Simon and I went on over the weekend." You gushed as you sipped at your coffee "I would show you some pictures but I'm still waiting for them to come back from the developers so…" "That's fine." Joel replied, trying to keep his tone from sounding as pained as he felt. "Perhaps you could take Eliza there sometime." You continued, completely oblivious to his torment "It's so romantic and-" "Eliza and I are just casual." Joel interrupted and you couldn't help but snort. "Please." You rasped "She's practically living with you now. Fuck buddies don't spend most nights together." "We're just hanging out." "And I'm the Queen of England." You rolled your eyes and how oblivious he was to what was going on straight in front of him "If you're just looking for casual then perhaps you need to tell her that." "I did! I have…" He argued, his hip cocking to one side as he rested his on it. "Well, perhaps you need to have that conversation with her again because from an outsider's point of view. You and her seem pretty serious." Joel's stomach twisted at the thought that he was leading Eliza on. She was sweet and he liked her but he wasn't looking to settle down. Not yet. "Talk to her Joel." you said sweetly as you placed your hand on his "Don't lead her on." So talk to her he did.

For updates follow @albertasunrise-ficsblog

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

two weeks of peak season down, thirteen to go! due to some fortuitously timed cancellations i actually did hit my dream of being a week ahead on prep work (well, at least on answer key making) on tuesday of this past week. it didn’t last long lol (partly due to i was being Insane which seems to have calmed down some knock on wood) but i’ve caught up some more and i’m pretty sure i should be able to get back to a week ahead tomorrow morning while catching up on industry.

this past week i worked about 35 hours, which does remain on the high end for me. i have also tutored every day since last sunday which is not my favorite although both my incredibly far friday night student (i’m talking bay ridge… back to queens that is a commute the length of a feature length movie…) & my saturday kid are taking this week off, which is a huge relief lol. meanwhile the content development side gig continues slowly wrapping up, which is the main reason i am still mostly ignoring everything outside of work i can ignore - i’m basically racing the other active developer for claiming the last few available sets, of which there are 6, although i am not racing very fast because i don’t actually have that much time to work on them and i also am trying not to push my brain into the burnout zone… last fall when i was really actively trying to get on more even financial footing i was very ungenerous about giving my brain time off and it led me to feeling very bad inside all the time for a long while! this year i feel like my goal is really just to get through the season without feeling bad. do what i need to do and not freak out about it, which also entails not putting pressure on myself about things i don’t need to do. perhaps next year my goal will be to do that and also stay in touch with my hobbies and bigger picture goals and such lol. but in the meantime i am being very relaxed with myself about if i want to just read people on reddit talking about john mulaney’s ex-wife’s book everybody hates or whatever, although this week i do want to finish the patrick radden keefe book about human smuggling in chinatown i have on ebook hold.

i played mario kart with some friends & acquaintances this week, i didn’t bail on opening free store even though i kinda wanted to. i have not updated my little habit tracker in A While but i worked out 5 times again this week & hit my step goal; i had to take an extra rest day yesterday due to silent migraine keeping me in sitting jail but today’s was a bodyweight routine so hopefully i can go straight into the one i was set to do tomorrow, since i do really like the friday/sunday rest schedule. i am very stressed about two of my kids’ score trajectories lol but the one whose mom made me do a phone call (why) to be like “yes i have seen students in his position improve no i can’t really promise more than that” just kicked ass on a practice test which was a relief. even though i am spending so much time Highlighting and Content Developing and Admin Doing (my least favorite work task that no one makes me do but me is updating their little homework google docs… but like so often i end a session being like well ok i will see if i can find a worksheet to link you on circle graphs….) i still am actively getting a kick out of my cozy fall routine where i can sleep late and do work in bed while drinking coffee until i’m awake enough to work out. my room is still very messy but it’s literally whatever. if this is the week things start feeling crazy it will only be 13 weeks of craziness which is quite survivable! but also i don’t think it will be (although, like, famous last words, so knock wood!).