#but I’ve also been thinking about other identity stuff as of late too. not just gender n sexuality

[squuote]

realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many

[scholarschism]

it’s self-pity posting hours in the tags pls feel free to look away

[mysterycitrus]

i know you've been talking about jason lately so i'll ask about smth different... robin jason (sorry)

idk idk lately i've been wanting to take a peek at his robin comics for the sake of writing fic (ofc...) but i'd like to hear what u think before that, a summary of sorts if u may (i also wanna contrast what u say with what i get out of it so yeah)

i feel like his robin days are so muddled by his identity as red hood later on, and even before that it was his death. u had people constantly blaming jason for dying in text (or else they'd have to admit bruce can make mistakes and everyone in dc is allergic to doing that) and painting him like someone reckless and violent (classist editorial u need to DIE), and then people in fanon painting him like a sweet fella who would do nothing wrong and as well as being bruce's Only Actual Son etc etc for the sake of making the situation around him all the more sadder (yeah yeah pathetic meow meow we've all seen it)

and i'm just curious bc i rlly wonder what the actual comics say about him, most likely something in the middle of this? exams are killing me but my god i'll come back to life after im done just to read jason robin's days... have a good day !!!

the difficulty with reading about jason as robin is that there are three primary periods that all differ fairly dramatically from each other — pre-crisis jason todd is a strawberry blond acrobat who’s almost adopted by dick grayson before becoming robin; post-crisis jason todd is a kid from crime alley who steals the wheels off the batmobile before becoming robin; and post-crisis, post-utrh jason todd is a very angry, very violent kid who becomes a cautionary tale after he gets himself killed (something he is often blamed for).

we can walk the line here. pre-crisis jason isn’t particularly relevant because so much of robin!jason’s stories depend on his reinvention after the reboot. all the crucial factors leading up to death in the family — growing up in the alley, both his mothers, his relationship with the robin mantle, his developing relationship with dick grayson, his slow schism from bruce, his relative isolation from other superheroes — are all crucial to who he is, especially after his death.

fanon about jason is annoying because there are valid criticisms that can be made about how he’s written with regressive, classist stereotypes, but as always it pivots way too far in one direction. jason wasn’t the “happy” or “angry” robin in the same way that dick wasn’t the happy or angry robin — they’re both characters that possess more than a single emotion. it’s true that jason was later written to be more explicitly violent (to contrast him with dick) but also like… they’re both pretty similar characters that differ in interesting ways. dick created robin to be a symbol of hope and joy. jason carried that on when he took up the mantle. they can both be angry at stuff without the world falling apart. it’s not that serious.

the dialogue about dick being a child soldier but jason being the true son makes me want to tear my hair out. jason became robin because bruce missed dick and was afraid of being alone. they’re both his gd kids. acting as though bruce wayne doesn’t love dick grayson so much that extra-dimensional beings can clock it is so fucking stupid. it once again ties into fanon’s obsession with each character only getting to be “one” thing. tim is smart, which means he’s the smartest. jason said robin made him magic, which means he’s happy all the time. dick chased after zucco in a grief spiral, which means he’s the violently angry one, with no other character traits. dick can’t have been nice to jason because he’s nice to tim, etc. seems a little silly, no?

i think i’ve only read jason’s brief run as robin once, though ive gone through a death in the family + a lonely place of dying a bunch of times, so ig my advice for reading him is to keep in mind the context in which he was created. dc comics was reeling from losing dick grayson as robin, and were really throwing anything at the wall to get something to stick. many, many negative tropes are baked into his introduction, and thanks to writers like jeph loeb and scott lobdell they have compounded over time. jason’s updated backstory is, with actual critical intent by the writer, a really good examination of how poverty and class will affect how someone views the world. his death was not his fault — and removing sheila haywood from that warehouse purposely makes his story less tragic. he was a good kid! and he was angry for a good reason. if jason had lived, i believe he would’ve carried on the robin tradition and left bruce behind once their differences became insurmountable.

[incorrect-spideytorch]

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about spideytorch lately (as I am one to do) and a question popped into my head:

What is the most important spideytorch comic panel?

There’s a ton of great options in my opinion, but I think there also is an answer (at least for me) so now I am going to subject all of you to my thought process. Get ready for a way to long post breaking this down.

The most obvious starting point has to be this classic

Johnny Storm is going full house husband for Peter Parker, I mean c’mon! add in the fact that he’s in his undies and the way that he’s leaning over peter… yeah this is a classic. This might be the most famous spideytorch panel out there, but I don’t think it’s the most important one.

Another classic (but more antagonistic?) one takes place, of course, at the usual place.

To me this is peak identity shenanigans and the stuff that fanfics are made of. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the complications that go into the conflicting way these two view identity, oh boy I could talk about that shit for hours, but as an individual moment, it doesn’t really crack most important for me, it needs a bit more affection (they’re very bad at affection sometimes).

Another panel that came to mind very quickly for me is this set.

Johnny literally only had to say his name and Peter knew exactly what he meant and what he needed. This is top tier levels of communication, both between them and from the creators to us. I think this is another one that I could talk about for hours. That being said, it doesn’t feel important enough to me.

A friend in the spideytorch discord server posed this panel as the most important spideytorch moment in the comics.

I’m just gonna put their quote in cause it’s great. “I think this is one of my favorite panels cause Johnny was just speaking generally and Peter was like ‘oh my god! Actual wise words form johnny’ but also, I love that this was a more important moment for Peter than Johnny.” I must say, this entry is extremely important to spideytorch and gave my choice a run for its money. I don’t have a huge reason for not making this one the most important, other than personal taste. For their relationship, this is a key moment and sets them on the path to actually being friends (at least on Peter’s end), but idk it just wasn’t doing it for me.

Another panel I was reminded of thanks to this submission was this moment.

It’s not quite as impactful as the past one by a long shot but I do think it’s important. After being rivals for so long, to see Johnny give a genuine heartfelt compliment to Peter is fantastic (haha). This feels like the other half of the previous set of panels. There we had Johnny encouraging a stranger and here he’s encouraging his friend.

Some other friends in the discord server suggested the moment that Johnny invites Peter over to watch his sex tape (yes this is canon).

(Not pictured, Peter swinging away and saying he needs to take a cold shower). Now I’m not saying that the most important spideytorch moment needs to be serious, but I think this moment might be too unserious to claim that title. This moment was huge for the fanbase because holy shit did, he actually say that, but for their relationship, I just don’t think it was as important as it was to us.

Now I do want to knock out a few honorable mentions that I would hate to miss.

First, this look given to Spidey by Johnny, I mean yeah, he’s in love.

And to balance the lovesick flirty scales I must expose Peter as well.

Next, this heartbreaking moment that basically admits to the audience that Peter’s world becomes chaos when he loses Johnny. That shit hits.

Of course, the moment that gave us the ship name.

A panel that lives in my head rent-free because honestly marvel what were you attempting to convey here other than the fact that Peter really wants to have hate sex with Johnny Storm?

To take us outside of our duo, this quote from Ben Grimm (EDIT: it’s was Peter’s clone Ben Reilly, which honestly only adds more drama), because honestly same.

And of course, I have to include the panel which showed us the first time (on page) that Peter told Johnny he loved him AND gave us canon proof that these two have “date night,” many a fic writer was fed well.

And how could we forget! THE USUAL PLACE! Literally any panel mentioning this is top tier because its so good, like the core of the fandom honestly.

Lastly, before moving on to my own more serious contenders I have to share this parallel that @sciderman shared because I love it.

Now to my serious contenders for the title of most important spideytorch panel (please remember this is all my opinion and I mean no shade). This will be a top 5, but just know some of these rankings are pretty flexible (even flexible with some panels from the beginning), and this question should not be taken as seriously as I am taking it, I am fully aware of that.

Number 5!

So, I know that I discounted the sex tape scene earlier because I didn’t think it was serious enough and it didn’t do enough for their actual relationship, but I had to include this one I’m sorry. A lot of this is personal taste but the implications here are *chefs kiss* The first time I saw this panel was actually on Pinterest with the caption “wait a second, did spider-man and the human torch have sex?” which says it all for me.

Beyond that, this moment also shows how they reach out to each other when they have problems. Strange children show up in Peter’s life and the first person he calls about it is Johnny. Again, this is not the most serious, but I love it. This moment shows the banter of their relationship, how they care about and rely on each other, and also potentially reveals that they’ve had sex. There’s a lot to take in.

Number 4!

I will be honest with you all, this moment is here almost entirely because Ben’s quote lives in my head rent-free. Everyone around them sees how they feel about each other besides them. When they were rivals others could tell they actually liked each other and when they became friends others could tell that it was deeper than that. I think I especially love this panel because it conforms that we’re not crazy for thinking there’s something there but also because Ben specifically cites the way Johnny looks at peter. That is very specific and says a lot. I can’t imagine Ben would say this if the looks Johnny gave Peter were purely platonic, and just ahhhh, there’s so much said here just in one line from Ben. There was of course the Ben moment earlier, which I also love, but something about this one, the more specific phrasing of it I think just shoots it up my rankings a lot.

Number 3!

If you’ve been following me for a while I don’t think this is a surprise at all, I have already done a very in depth post about this panel so I’ll keep my thoughts brief. Red Skull knows that hurting Johnny will hurt Peter, Peter’s Spidey senses go off FOR JOHNNY, and we are given so much angst potential, I love it.

Number 2!

This one is probably a more popular choice than my number one, and I totally get it. The excitement and joy bursting out of Peter when he finally realizes that Johnny is here, he’s real, and he’s alive really gets me. Plus, the added context to the uniform comment being that Johnny literally left Peter his family and his spot on the team in his will. The amount of pure love in this moment and its larger context is abundant, platonic or romantic, it’s there. I feel like everything I could say about this panel has probably been said before, but it is definitely worthy of being the most important spideytorch moment, even if I have one that beats it for me.

Number 1!

For those of you who don’t know, this panel comes from Peter visiting Gwen’s grave and talking to her. That fact alone breaks me in half but then the things he says to her shatter me. Every spider-man fan knows how much Gwen’s death broke Peter, it destroyed him to lose her. Just the fact that Peter admits Johnny brings part of him back is amazing (haha) because that is a hug feat. But then he shatters me even more with his final sentences. After Gwen’s death, we often get a peter who spends too much time as Spidey in order to avoid having to cope with Gwen’s death as Peter, but also as a way to cope with the loss (he’s a complicate man). Spideypool also gets a lot from that arc because of Wade’s reaction to Spider-Man not holding back as much and becoming less of a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and that’s true. The fact that Peter feels like he’s becoming who Spidey is supposed to be again when he’s around johnny is huge! But then! He corrects himself. He’s not Spidey again, he’s Peter. The real person, the man behind the mask, comes back. And then you get the final correction. He’s not just peter again, he’s *Gwen’s* peter again. He is the him that existed with Gwen when he’s with Johnny. That speaks volumes and breaks whatever parts of me are left. How am I expected to read this and not think that Johnny and Peter are soulmates?

Now, I will acknowledge that this is much more of a peter moment than a joint spideytorch moment, much like the moment suggested by discord friend earlier. If that disqualifies it for you as the most important spideytorch panel, I get it. However, for me that doesn’t matter mainly for one key reason. So many classic spideytorch moments show a lot of Johnny having feelings for Peter or making a move on Peter. There have been a lot of times when I’m trying to get a friend into spideytorch, and I feel like I have to clarify that its not as one sided as it seems. Johnny is much more out there with who he is and doesn’t hide his feelings very well (except maybe from himself). So, when we get any spideytorch moment that hones in on peter’s feelings and love for Johnny, that feels so huge to me. This moment alone proves that it isn’t one sided, Peter has deep feelings for Johnny, even if he’s not sure what they are yet, he knows that what they have is special, he wouldn’t be telling Gwen about it otherwise. While it may not be as famous of a spideytorch moment, its an important one, and for me it’s probably the most important one.

Anyway, this has been a way too long post about this topic but if you made it to the end thank you so much! I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this topic so feel free to share those. Also, just a reminder that these are my opinions, and I am not in charge at all so don’t take it too seriously (unless you want to).

If you’re interested in hearing me, go more in depth on any of these panels (or any other spideytorch panels) shoot me an ask because I could honestly talk in depth for a while about most of these panels and I would love to do so. Thank you again for reading this way to long post and good night spideytorch nation.

[gin-juice-tonic]

I've been thinking a lot about gender identity and stuff lately, but to my shame I’m not the most educated person when it comes to lgbt related stuff. Every time I try to search it to learn more I end up freaking out and clearing my browsing history because of the feeling of being watched. I know I’m being unreasonable, but it’s stronger than me. I don’t have anyone to ask about this kind of stuff. Everyone around me is negative about lgbt, I grew up among this negativity. I’m afraid to ask my online friends because I don’t want to seem ignorant or stupid. What have I decided to do? Send an anonymous ask to a stranger about my concerns (sorry about that), whose blog helped me to accept the fact that I might not be who I though I was at the first place. It feels more safe. Back to the point.

As a teen I used she/they pronouns and a different gender-neutral name online for years. I still do it as an adult and now I realise that “she” was more like a compromise for me because it was what I used to be referred as for my whole life, but didn’t feel quite comfortable with. So it’s they/them for me, I guess. Okay. I’ve always preferred to not be related to any gender, but now I see that there’s more to it. I might be a nonbinary, but what if I’m actually an agender? I also consider the possibility of being a genderfluid because one moment I wear a dress and think that it looks good, and the other moment I cry in front of a mirror because of the idea of wearing it. So yeah, it depends on my mood. I don’t know how it works. I’m just so confused. The only thing I know that I’m not comfortable with being referred to as a female anymore. I’ve never really been.

Admittedly, as someone who is binary trans, I do not have a lot of knowledge in this area. I do know what it’s like to not know what you’re “supposed to be” though. And I know it can be frustrating and scary to be lost in trying to figure out your own identity. 

I asked some of my friends, who are nonbinary and genderfluid themselves, and the first thing we all have to say is you should allow yourself more kindness. I am sorry that you grew up around so much negativity. But I want you to know that it’s both okay to feel afraid but also okay to not know everything. If a friend is going to treat you badly for asking questions, they’re not a very good friend. 

One of my friends says the part you said about “making compromises” resonated a lot with them a lot, so you aren’t alone there. As for how you feel in a dress, clothes do not equal gender. You can like how you look in a dress without any of it having to do with girl-ishness. I suggest you try to think about why you like it when you do, and why you don’t when you don’t. My friends also suggested trying other clothes you can express yourself with. Think about why you like them, or why you don’t like them. (Of course, sometimes the answer has nothing to do with gender. I like athletic clothing because they make me look sporty, which is a neutral thing. But it’s good to know what parts aren’t related to gender at all too.) That extends beyond clothes too, any part of your presentation that you think you can play with without getting yourself into danger, you should. 

It’s tempting to feel like you have to scramble to figure out a label. Especially when advice and other people you can talk to can feel sort of “grouped” under them. And there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained that way for sure. But there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained just in figuring out what you do and don’t like. What makes you feel bad, what makes you feel at ease, what makes you super excited. You‘ve got it nailed down that you don’t like being called a female, that’s not a bad start! 

If your friends are people you think are good and kind, I would suggest reaching out to them so that you can explore things a little more with them, considering they know you better than I would. I know it's scary, but there's nothing wrong with not knowing things, and I hope they'd be aware of that too. And even if you call yourself something now and explore more into it, there's no harm if in the future it doesn't fit so good. There's no wrong way to be a gender, and more importantly there's no wrong way to be you.

[ladytauria]

“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.” chose your ship >:)

i went with jaysteph, 'cause i haven't written for them yet & they've been on my mind lately <3

i hope i wrote steph okay; i'm still feeling out her characterization ^^;

“So,” Steph says, perching on the arm of the couch like there aren’t two open seats right there in front of her. “Here’s how this is gonna work. I’m gonna ask you how you are, and you’re gonna answer me honestly.”

Jason crosses his arms. “You boss Tim around like this too?”

“Sure do,” she says breezily. “You’ve seen me do it.”

Jason purses his mouth. He isn’t pouting—though the look Steph gives him insinuates she feels otherwise. His arms twitch. He barely stops himself from crossing them over his chest, or slumping back into the couch. All of which would only further her—mistaken—impression.

When he doesn’t say anything else, Steph says, “So… Jason. How are you?”

“Peachy,” he bites.

Steph crosses her wrists and mimics the sound of an incorrect buzzer. “Nuh-uh, buddy, try again.”

“Oh my god,” Jason says. His head falls back against the couch.

“Look, I know emotional constipation is like—our whole thing, but… a little honesty here isn’t going to kill you,” Steph says. “I mean— Do you want me to bring up the B-word? ‘Cause I’ll do it, if it means we can bypass all… this.” She gestures vaguely.

Jason grimaces at the ceiling. “Please tell me the B-word is breakfast. As in, you want breakfast for dinner and will let this go if I agree to make you waffles.”

She doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. Which—yeah. Fair. If Steph wants waffles for dinner, Steph gets waffles for dinner, no bribery required. He’s easy like that. (It’s that thousand-watt smile—the way it leaves him weak at the knees, stomach fluttering. All that romance novel shit he never thought he’d actually have.)

Jason sighs, throwing an arm over his face. He loves that she cares. Really—he does. But he still hates talking about it. Like—okay. Some of it is easy. He can talk about how pissed he is that the Joker is still alive any day of the week. But when you get down to the other shit, the personal shit…

It’s harder. The words stick in his throat, like he’s swallowed a big glob of peanut butter, or like he’s got the worst flu of his life.

But Steph is asking—and. He’s trying to be honest with her. Even about the shit he doesn’t want to talk about.

Also, she’s serious about bringing up Bruce. So. There’s that.

 “How am I?” he repeats, as he picks through the snarled up briar patch growing in his chest. “I’m— not great.” Understatement. He feels like he’s unraveling at the seams, lately. Like, if he isn’t careful, eventually he’s going to unwind completely. “Everything has just been… a lot.” 

Steph slips off the arm of the couch; tucking herself up beside him. He can smell the honey of her body wash; the coconut of her shampoo. It’s nice. Almost as nice as the warmth of her, or the fingers that find his hair, toying gently with his curls.

“A lot?” she repeats, softer now.

“Yeah.” He drops his arm, twisting his torso so he’s curled toward her. He rests his hand on her hip, stroking it with his thumb over her shirt. “I don’t— I can’t point to one thing,” he says quietly. “It’s Bruce, a little bit.” It’s always Bruce, and often more than just ‘a little bit.’ “The city, too. Feels like—like nothing I’m doing, nothing we’re doing is helping. Changing anything. An’ I know that’s not true. I’ve seen the people we’ve helped. But— the bad shit just keeps happening, and. It just. Feels hopeless, sometimes. A lot of the time.” He pauses.

“An’... I’ve been thinking again. About all the stuff I missed out on. An’ I know it’s not too late for all of it, I know I can still— I can go to college. We can make an identity for me, somethin’ I can live in. But, I just. I think about balancing that with everything else, and it just— It’s a lot. I see you do it, and you— Baby, you do it amazingly, and— I want that too, but—”

Steph quiets him with a gentle finger to his mouth. She lays that hand on his chest, tracing the fading graphic on his tee. The other hand stays in his hair. “It is a lot,” she says quietly. “But it’s also nice, to have that break. That connection. Reminds you that all the shit we see isn’t everywhere. It might help.” Her mouth quirks, a little. “And as for B. I’ve hit him once. I’ll do it again, if it’ll make you feel better.”

Jason can’t help his grin. “Only if I can watch.”

Steph winks. “I’ll be watching for opportunities,” she says. Her expression gentles again; and she’s looking at him with an expression so fond that it makes mouth dry up, his eyes sting. “Until then— What do you say we take the night off, yeah? Turn the living room into a blanket fort, order pizza, and watch all those movies we’ve been wanting to see.”

“That—” He has to cut himself off; swallow and start again, when his mouth isn’t desert-dry. “That sounds great, babe.”

She kisses him, brief and fleeting. “Of course it does. I have the best ideas. Now, get moving, Jaybabe. You start on the supports, I’ll call the pizza place. The usual?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, rising to his feet.

He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, but he’s not about to question it. He’ll just have to make sure he never forgets.

[gatoraid]

Anime recs for The Radiant Emperor enjoyers

I was watching the new Ooku anime on Netflix some weeks ago and I thought it hit that ”court drama dealing with gender roles and making me cry” spot that He Who Drowned the World has been occupying in my heart lately (even if it engages with some of these themes very differently).

Somehow that got me thinking about other anime that might align with the vibes and themes in The Radiant Emperor book series and eventually came up with this list.

Some of those themes include gender roles, queerness, disability, politics, oppression, rebellion, revenge, impossible and messy relationships and tragedy. Darker themes like war, violence, sexual assault etc are also often present. Please lmk if you agree or disagree with these choices and feel free to add more!

Dororo (2019)

Historical fantasy based on Osamu Tezuka’s manga classic from the 1960s.

An orphan who hides her gender in order to survive meets a young man who fights demons to claim back his body parts that his father traded away in a demonic pact. There’s tons of pain and tough moral questions and complicated family relationships, and the way Hyakkimaru deals with having lost and then slowly regaining parts of himself is super interesting.

24 episodes. Stream on Prime Video, Hidive

The Heike Story (2022)

Retelling of the historical epic Heike monogatari through the eyes of an orphan girl who gains the ability to see supernatural things after her father’s passing. Inevitability of fate, the impermanence of all existence, praying for your loved ones’ happiness in the next life, all of these things are beautifully woven in this visually stunning story. The story also hits different when you know that Heike monogatari was traditionally performed by blind musicians and singers.

11 episodes. Stream on Cruncyroll, Apple TV

Inu-oh (2022)

Historical fantasy. Two outcasts find each other and change the history with their music in this story that also pays respect to the Heike monogatari’s origin as a singing tradition. Focus on things like identity, disability, nonconformity, ghosts. Yes, the ghosts part is important. Also, the gender expressions and the bond between the two main characters is something I’ve seen a lot of queer/trans ppl relate to and Inu-oh is voiced by none other than the trans icon Avu-chan.

Movie. Stream on Hulu

Ōoku: The Inner Chambers (2023)

Alternate history where most men in Japan have been wiped out by a mysterious disease. Very much a court drama centered in the Tokugawa shogun’s residence where men serve the woman shogun as concubines (and sometimes have relationships with each other). Also, one of the main characters is a monk who ends up giving up his vows! Based on Fumi Yoshinaga’s acclaimed manga that has also been adapted to various live action movies and drama series.

10 episodes. Stream on Netflix

Toward the Terra (2007)

Scifi classic with two main characters who are at the opposing sides but feel inexplicably connected. There’s just so many insane relationships and emotions here, I still have not recovered from the ”I want to kill you but I will also protect you with my own life” thing…… Based on the 1970s manga by Keiko Takemiya. Not to be confused with the movie from 1980.

24 episodes. Available on DVD

Devilman Crybaby (2018)

Apocalyptic fantasy with demons and stuff. Based on the classic 1970s manga by Go Nagai.

I don’t even know how to describe the story, it’s just the tragedy, the queer yearning, the ”I killed the one I loved and then it was too late”, the ”things will get bad and then they will get worse” vibe that I think is very fitting. This one has the most extreme violent and sexual content out of the series on this list.

10 episodes. Stream on Netflix

Banana Fish (2018)

Gang wars, mystery drugs and complicated emotions set in New York. Based on the iconic 1980s manga by Akemi Yoshida. Deals heavily with trauma and CSA.

You guessed right, this one is also a tragedy. If you love Ouyang and/or Baoxiang, you’re probably going to love Lee Yut-Lung. That’s all I’m going to say.

24 episodes. Stream on Amazon Prime

[kz-i-co]

Don’t Fall In Love: Part 2

Summary: You are one of the most popular bloggers on your campus, telling enriching stories of your personal heartbreaks anonymously. But your readers are not ready to handle the newest heartbreak of finding out your best friend dating your ex.

Pairing: Lee Haechan (Donghyuk) x f!reader

Genre: college au | angst (eventual fluff x smutt)

Warnings: story may contain strong language, mentions of drugs and alcohol - sexual references - reader discretion advise.

Words: 4.6k

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Masterlist | Nct 127 Masterlist | Nct Dream Masterlist

Taglist: @lovingvoidgoatee, @lunaryoongie, @matchahyuck, @yixingtion, @mosviqu, @ohmyhuenings, @nctzennikki09​

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #51 Please understand that my short hiatus was necessary as I can firmly say....I'm going through hell. And those of you still accusing me for bullshitting fake news....then shame on you - but also honored you think my creativity is this impressive, thanks I guess. I will gladly get to your questions as my DM box is officially full - also thanks again....I guess - but please let me vent on my own because this is all too real and once again....NOT okay with it. I never seen this coming. It's bad enough I had to confront my oh so famous ex on the matter and thought I was crazy to split up his new found relationship. The jerk didn't take it well since he brought up my relationship with J - his best friend. Oops did I forget to mention that? Call me slut or hypocrite - what ever floats your boat but I as well was under a lack of information and I would take it back if I could. I have more regrets than I would like to admit and people reading who are close to me will probably connect the dots eventually and my identity will soon be blown but as of right now I'm venting and this is the only place I can comfortably do it. I will get to my session on D soon but right now I'm pissed and rather not talk about it. Thanks for being here anyway. Xoxo peace :::

"(Y/N), help me hang this." Minjeong asked letting one side of the banner dangle. It's been a few days since you've found out about Donghyuck and Minjeong and you still couldn't deal with it, but at least you played nice.

"Why are we doing this?" You sounded uninterested.

"Jimin's birthday." She sounded offended.

"I know that.....she said not to make a big deal out of it." You shrugged taping the other side.

"That's the best part." She smiled once again. "You okay? You seem down lately."

"I'm just drowning in school work, exhausted." You lied.

"You need more sleep and to stop partying."

"I've only been to two this week." You made your way to the kitchen and pulled out a can of soda.

"And stripped in front of the whole fraternity." She giggled. "And can't forget trashing your ex's."

"Must we keep talking about this? I was drunk and stupid and I said I was sorry."

"Alright." She began, following you. "Actually....can I ask you for dating advice?" She said, changing the subject.

"Trouble with catfish already?" You tried not to smile.

"It's not that....and stop calling him that." She smiled sarcastically. "How long did you date Jaemin until you guys started.....you know, sleeping together."

You didn't lie that the question alone caused your stomach to sink. "Well, first of all, he was a fuck buddy so the first date technically."

"Well then, your other ex...."

You sighed avoiding her question. "Min, you just started dating this guy and you want him to fuck you already." Your eyebrows furrowed.

You can tell she was uncomfortable. "I'm just getting impatient and I thought guys in college dived right into that stuff."

"I mean you ain't wrong. College guys are horn dogs." You giggled. "But I don't know, maybe he's a gentleman."

You chuckled to yourself because you knew that was the farthest from the truth. Donghyuck was no gentleman, at least not anymore....or maybe this was somehow an act to look innocent to get girl to fall for boy faster - what an evil genius.

"So am I wrong to worry? All we've done is kiss and hold hands. I want more." She sounded defeated and you as her best friend would feel bad and want this douche to pay but this was Donghyuck we're talking about, you didn't want happiness for him. Cruel yes but maybe he deserved it.

"Break up with him." You said nonchalantly.

"Not this again (Y/N). You act like you don't like him but you met him once, can't you try a little harder."

You heard a knock on the door ending your conversation thankfully. "I hope that's not Riri, I told her to distract Jimin, we're not done." She panicked as she opened the door.

"Speak of the devil." She squealed hugging the person on the other side and of course it had to be none other than your ex himself. "You came early to help?"

"Of course." He spoke and you couldn't help but laugh to yourself in the kitchen. His tone sounding unfamiliar.

"(Y/N) be nice." She warned as she passed you in the kitchen. "I have some balloons here that need to be filled up and I still have the punch that needs to be made and oh the snacks."

You and Donghyuck both shook your head at Minjeong's pacing as she needed everything to be perfect.

"I'll stay here with the snacks." You offered, already grabbing the bowls from the cabinets.

"Okay great. I'll blow up balloons." She grabbed the bag. "Oh shit, I left the cake in the car." She panicked and made her way to the door. "Channie, can you make the punch, you do it the best."

"A-huh." He nodded feeling overwhelmed and as soon as she left he sighed.

"Channie." You mocked as soon as he made his way over. "I love you Channie....you're so cute Channie."

"Please shut up." He grabbed the bowl, not caring he basically pushed you out of the way.

"What's wrong, no love in paradise?" You teased.

He just glared at you as you continued your fun. "I'm surprised you haven't told her yet....seems unlike you."

"Like I said, you tend to ruin relationships all on your own." You shrugged pouring the chips in the bowl.

"Yep, that was all me." He said sarcastically.

"I'm surprised you haven't slept with her yet, come on Hyukie, you're better than that.....have you lost your touch?"

"How do you even know what we've done."

"Did you forget Minjeong is my best friend? She tells me things....and she is upset."

"Upset huh?" He turned towards you with a smirk. "She really wants me that bad?.....I was waiting for her to beg.....virgin's especially can't wait long enough."

"You're sick. Maybe she's just desperate."

"You let me know when you hear next door." He remarked as Minjeong opened the door cutting off your conversation.

You crumbled the rest of the chip bag and threw it aggressively in the trash.

"Cakes fine." She smiled and sensed the awkward tension. "How's the snacks coming."

"Everything is dandy." You smiled and Donghyuck nodded and continued his punch.

You grabbed the completed bowls and made your way to the living room to place on the coffee table. You really tried not to show your disturbed emotion as you turned to grab more bowls seeing the two embraced in a sweet kiss and giggling together.

It hurt....it hurt because that was you once.

"Um....can I add liquor to this?" Donghyuck was quick to pull away, wiping off his smile as he saw you grabbing another bowl close by.

"This isn't that kind of party." Minjeong giggled.

"Not a lot, just enough to take off some edge." You knew he met you but you didn't turn around to show you were listening. You were done listening.

"Half a bottle." She said and made her way to the living room blowing up balloons.

Then you finally looked back as he gave you a rueful smile and then suddenly emptying the whole bottle causing you to softly giggle. Not a party if Donghyuck isn't spiking the punch, typical.

....

"Guys, they're gonna be here any minute." Minjeong announced as the talking started to die down.

"Isn't that your ex?" Yetak spoke next to you as Donghyuck was practically hiding in the kitchen, engaged in a conversation with Mark and Renjun. You could tell he was anxious to even be in this situation that you so happened to make worse by lying to everyone.

"Nope, they just look alike." She looked at you puzzled and then back at him. "I'll explain later but for now just pretend you don't know him okay?"

"Shhhh....she's coming." Minjeong had everyone quiet and as as the door opened....

"Surprise!" Everyone cheered as soon as Jimin and Riri walked through the door. You didn't invite a lot of people to your apartment, just some close friends and of course Minjeong allowed Donghyuck to invite some of his friends and bless your soul Jeno and Jaemin decided not to come saving you a night of disaster.

"Oh wow....thank you everyone." She smiled and leaned next to Minjeong. "I said no party."

"It's not a party....it's a gathering." She smiled cutely.

"It's a party." She smiled but you could sense the anxiety in her.

"It's not even big enough to be a party.....I only invited a few people." She remarked. "We have drinks and food....just a hang out - you only turn 23 once."

She nodded looking at you for help. "If you're really concerned Channie made some special punch if you need to relax."

"Or Mark bought some drinks, since we're all adults." He spoke up and Jimin locked eyes with him and immediately looked to you causing you to shake your head.

"Some of us." You smirked trying to get rid of any suspicion.

"Oh Jimin.....I didn't introduce you yet." Minjeong dragged him closer and he couldn't help but fake a smile as Jimin was already set up to cause disaster. "Jimin this is Haechan."

"You're the catfish?" She spoke and you combed through your hair panicked.

"Catfish?" He questioned.

"Don't take it personal Hy-Haechan.....we knew Min met you online and you know it's hard to trust anyone. Most of them lie and cheat and hide who they really are."

He glared towards you but quickly pulled off a fake laugh. "You're right....there's a bunch of crazy people on those sites, lucky Minjeong didn't meet one."

"Nope I didn't." She held his arm leaning closer.

Jimin locked eyes with you again shrewdly. "Nice to meet you."

"Do you mind if I get dressed real quick, Min?" She made a beeline through to her room. "(Y/N), Riri.....help me." She signaled and you were quick to follow.

"Can you be any more suspicious." You shouted in a hushed whisper.

"What the fuck is going on? Why is he here?"

You sighed. "That's Minjeong's new boyfriend."

"Very funny." Riri laughed.

"I'm not lying, it's been him all along -the catfish."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jimin practically yelled.

"Keep your voice down. Can you see why I've been so pissy lately."

"Oh my god, she don't know? You didn't tell her?"

"How am I suppose to tell her. She liked him before I even knew who he really was. I can't do that to her."

"But you're gonna let her do this to you?" Riri spoke up.

"It's not her fault, she never met "my ex" before." You shrugged defeated.

"So what is this? Is this his way of getting back at you." Jimin asked.

"He swears he didn't know she was our friend."

"Bullshit." She shook her head.

"Well, he seemed pretty startled when he first met me."

"And you just played it off like you didn't know him?"

"What was I suppose to do Ri....say hey ummm you know this is my ex that broke my heart into a million pieces."

"Yes."

Jimin looked more angry than you. "I don't know who I should be more pissed at...you or her or him."

"Trust me I'm pissed at myself as it is." You put your hands on your hips, taking a deep breath.

"And he's not in anyway consider breaking it off with her?"

"I tried.....he doesn't care about me anymore."

"You have to tell her." Jimin said with more sympathy.

"Let her be happy with that jerk."

"I don't mean for her, for you. This is not healthy (Y/N)....not after what he put your through - is still putting you through."

"Well, it's too late.....she's already sunk in deep."

"I don't care. She deserves to know, unless you're gonna keep lying to her."

"Besides - if she knew she was doing this to you, she would be upset." Riri spoke up after Jimin.

"Okay fine, but not yet."

"Sooner is better than later, she can't fall farther than she already has."

"I know, I'll handle it. I mean.....if she still wants to date him after then it's whatever."

"Why would you do that when you're still in love with him?"

"I'm not still in love- I'm not." You could tell they didn't believe you. "I'm fine - I promise."

"Guys. Everything alright?" Minjeong opened the door and Jimin quickly changed her shirt, avoiding suspension.

"Everythings great, I love the party."

Minjeong rolled her eyes playfully. "I know I know, I just want your birthday to be special."

"It is, thank you." She gave a genuine smile as you all looted back to the rest of the apartment.

"Drinks you say?" Jimin grabbed you and headed towards the kitchen. "Nice to see you again Hyuck- oops I mean Haechan." She smirked and you couldn't help but giggle as you both grabbed some drinks off the counter.

He gave a look of annoyance. "Hmm, what did she tell you?"

"Oh nothing.....I just think that if neither of you are gonna tell Minjeong than I will." She warned causing you both to look at each other timidly.

"Go ahead, I already told (Y/N) to tell her.......I did nothing wrong here."

"That's priceless." She laughed.

"What did she tell you about us.....I'm dying to know." He leaned on the counter.

"More than enough."

"I bet my life it wasn't the truth." He said causing you to laugh causing the attention of Minjeong from across the room.

"Let's not do this here....it's Minjeongs party after all." You said and Jimin took a sip in agreement.

"Have the punch it's stronger." Donghyuck smirked before walking away.

"Still in love huh?" She asked as she walked away as well. You took a deep breath grabbing a cup of his poisoned punch.

He definitely put more than one bottle in here. And it showed after three cups, but at least you weren't the only one.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #52 I wouldn't say I'm a messy drunk but you may be fooled once you're a witness. I tried to contain my emotions, I tried to contain my actions but when your love life is this much of a mess than wouldn't you agree I deserve it - a little medicine to forget my past and apparently my present. It hurts and booze is all I have. Relax - it doesn't mean I'm turning myself into an alcoholic but every now and then I need something to ease the pain. Let's just hope I don't say anything I regret the next day. :::

"I'm so curious yeah.....sajin sok niga!!!!" You sang along drunkenly with Minjeong. "Georeo nawa wae!"

"Psst.....how long are you going to let this go on?" Mark spoke next to Donghyuck as he watched you and Minjeong sing and Dance to the music.

"You want to turn the music off?" He took a sip of his  drink.

"I mean this girlfriend - ex girlfriend thing."

"(Y/N) is gonna tell her anyway, so I'll just wait it out."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know her."

"I need a refill." Minjeong made her way to the kitchen. "I love your punch Channie.....I can't get enough."

"Oh but you will." He pulled her away as she practically collapsed into his arms.

"But it's so good." She whined.

"You can have more tomorrow." He said sweetly as he guided her to her room.

The party was pretty much cleared out by this point. "It's getting late I guess we'll head out." Renjun spoke as he stood up.

"You guys can't go yet. We're not done singing." You slurred your words. "Oof, it's hot." You started taking off your shirt.

"She has a habit of stripping when she's drunk." Jimin laughed and Donghyuck combed his fingers through his hair in annoyance as soon as he stepped out of Minjeong's room.

"I'll put her to bed, you can go." Jimin offered as Mark and Renjun approached the door.

"Thank you for inviting us, happy birthday Jimin." Mark spoke before making an exit.

"We didn't even sing happy birth-" You puked before finishing your sentence.

"You guys go, I'll meet you back." Donghyuck said to Mark and Renjun and he grabbed you gently, guiding you to the bathroom.

He leaned over the tub, turning on the shower to warm. He started unzipping your puke filled jeans helping you out of them as you just stared at him apologetic. "I'm sorry."

"Maybe I should of listened to Minjeong and only put half a bottle." He showed a slight smile.

"I'm sorry for ruining our relationship." He was caught off guard from your statement. You always accused him first for ruining the relationship but now it was the other way around. What changed with you and when did you feel this way?

"What do you mean (Y/N)." He looked at you puzzled.

"I'm sorry I was a horrible girlfriend to make you cheat." You teared and he sighed taking a moment to comprehend your confession.

"You weren't a horrible girlfriend (Y/N)."

"I bet Minjeong is better than me." You looked up at him. "Does she make you happy?"

"Let's just get you cleaned up, okay." He turned you around and unclipped your bra and guide you to the shower, closing the curtain as he faced away from you respectfully. Even though he's seen all of you before, he knew it wasn't his right anymore.

Once you were done, he handed you a towel and helped you to your room picking out some simple sweats, getting you ready for bed.

"Drink this whole glass before falling asleep." You nodded taking the water as he headed towards your door.

"Hyuck."

"Yeah?" He turned around.

"Can you stay with me?" You begged softly.

"You know I can't do that." It was his turn to look at you apologetic.

"Oh....yeah." You said quietly. "Well, thank you for taking care of me."

"Sure." He smiled softly. "Goodnight (Y/N)."

"Happy birthday to me." Jimin spoke as she got up from cleaning the puke off the floor.

"Well technically..." He pulled out his phone. "It's 1:47.....it's not your birthday anymore."

"Har har......thanks old friend." She threw the rag at him.

"Ew." He dodged.

"It's your ex's puke." She laughed. "So.....about that."

"I don't want to talk about it." He started towards the door. "She's a mess."

"Well, can you blame her?" She started making the mood more tense.

"I didn't cheat on her Jimin, I don't know what she told you but she caught something and she took it way out of proportion."

"Then why don't you explain that to her."

"I tried, she won't listen to me."

"Well, maybe she's willing to listen now." She crossed her arms.

"It's too late now.....I moved on, now it's her turn." He opened the door. "I really didn't know about Minjeong if she believes that or not but I can't lose sleep over this. I'm sorry."

"It's not just that." Jimin spoke as he took his hand off the door knob, alerting his attention back. "She's not over you, can't you see that?"

He shrugged. "What do you want me to do.....she broke up with me."

"I think the answer is pretty simple." She said softly.

"It's not my fault she didn't tell her, she's the one that lied."

"But it doesn't make it right." He sighed at her answer.

"Look, I don't owe her anything, she decided to push me out. If she chooses to tell her the truth than fine, but for now I'm going to continue on with my life and she needs to do the same."

"Alright....I get it, it's none of my business - I just care about my friends that's all. But she will know eventually and I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Have any of you considered that it's not just (Y/N) that is hurt?" He confessed before walking out the door. "Happy Birthday Jimin."

She softly smiled in return and let out a long groan as soon as she locked the door behind him.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #52 Okay so I admit....I fucked up. Pretending I didn't know my best friends new boyfriend is probably the dumbest decision I have ever made but what can I say - I panicked. I saw him and my mind went blank.....because the truth be told.....I'm not over you D - there I said it. Most of you called it anyway. Why do I even bother hiding anything. Those two damn years we have spent together was the best two damn years of my life - even if I still think it was wasted. D was the one I was so sure I wanted to marry, to eventually have kids with, to grow old with - my everything. But what changed? I know you guys are still dying to know.....but I'm just not ready. I got drunk last night and poured my heart out just to be shot down. Regrets regrets regrets - now he knows how I feel, I showed him weakness and now he's probably gloating in his victory. Probably even telling J of how much of a mess I am at this very moment. I'm in for a treat that's for sure. Well I guess that's all for now. Xoxo peace :::

-

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He arched his eyebrows in confusion as you were the one knocking on his door.

"I don't want to be rude (Y/N) but I'm leaving soon to meet up with Minjeong."

"I know, it will just be a second." Your tone was serious and he opened his door to let you in. Mark was nowhere to be seen, leaving you and Donghyuck alone for your disliking.

"So what's up?" He sat down on his wheelie chair, gently rocking back and fourth. You couldn't help but admire his comfy state - hair slightly a mess - slight dark circles forming under his eyes from his lack of sleep caused by late night video games and - sweats to top it all off. You missed that.

What were you doing? This is your ex you are thinking about. He wasn't yours anymore - stop staring at him like that. "(Y/N)? Are you still hungover?"

"Um- yes definitely hungover." He smirked at your stumble. "I just wanted you to know that, that wasn't me last night.....I was clearly drunk and I said some thing's I didn't mean and I'm sorry."

"You didn't say anything upsetting." He grew confused.

"Yeah but I still said some things I regret....I don't remember every little piece but I do know you helped me to bed and I just wanted to thank you."

"Sure but for you sake, let's not do it again." He leaned forward resting on his knees. "You made poor Jimin clean up your vomit on her birthday."

"I threw up?"

"All over the place.....even on yourself."

Your eyes grew wide trying to recall the events that happened. He cleaned you up? Does that mean he undressed you?

"I know what you're thinking." He stood up. "I had no intention of seeing you naked so get those dirty thoughts out of your head. I just helped you in the shower."

"How am I suppose to believe you when I was drunk."

His expression turned sour. "You should know me better than that.....and besides it's not like I haven't seen you before."

"But you don't have that right anymore." You snickered. "Who am I kidding, it wouldn't be the first time looking at other women when you're in a relationship."

He sighed clenching his teeth. "This is what I get for helping you?......Why don't you do everyone a favor and don't get wasted anymore because no one is going to help you."

"I didn't ask for you to help me."

"Why are you even here if you were just gonna harass me?"

"I just wanted to tell you to forget last night even happened."

"Forgotten." He held open the door and you walked out, you turned around thinking more words were going to be said but instead - a door slammed in your face.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #53 Transferring was becoming more and more clear as I live day to day. I am just making everything worse.....aren't I. Every time I open my mouth I find myself regretting what comes pouring out - drunk or sober. I don't know what to do by this point. My heart is like a balloon - slowly being deflated. :::

"What's wrong with you?" Jimin said as you burst through the door and collapsed on the couch.

"I hate everything."

"What happened now?"

"I went over to thank Hyuck for helping me last night but it turned into an argument like always."

"You went over to his dorm?" She asked.

"Yeah." You shrugged nonchalantly.

"Minjeong is on her way over there now, what if she saw you?"

"He said he was meeting her - never mind, I don't care.....I didn't see her it's fine."

"If you're gonna hold up this secret of yours, you need to be more careful because what if she thinks you two are hooking up behind her back, that would be worse than lying."

"That wouldn't happen." You shook your head.

"Why because you're gonna tell her the truth?" She forced.

"No because every time we're together we argue. No love connection what's-so-ever." She glared at you. "I'll tell her jeez, no worries I'm just waiting for the right time."

"There's never a good time, that's why you should just get it over with."

"I know." You sighed finally sitting up right, turning on the tv. "I've literally been rehearsing what I'm going to say."

"Just make it short and simple. Haechan is Donghyuck and you're having a hard time accepting them together."

"I'm not having a hard time-"

"Stop bullshitting (Y/N).....you can lie to yourself all you want but you're not fooling the rest of us."

You rolled your eyes but you knew she was right. "I'm just gonna go drown myself in alcohol."

"(Y/N), no more drinking." She laughed.

"Honestly I'm done talking about this right now." You snipped. "I just want to forget about him for one damn second."

"So....we ordering food, then."

"Yes please." You faked whined causing each other to laugh breaking the tension.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #53 Yep.....I should have most definitely kept my mouth shut, because I might have pissed him off worse than I thought. But I should have learned that if you mess with a snake, you're gonna get bit but I flinched and now the venom is traveling down to take me out for good this time. :::

"(Y/N) get dressed." Minjeong burst through the door being dramatically over excited.

"Why?" You groaned not wanting to get up.

"You and I are going on a double date." She said and Jimin sucked in her lips trying to not say anything.

"Huh?" You leaned up.

"Come on.......it will be fun. Dancing and dinner - hot sexy date."

"With who?" You were beyond puzzled.

"Okay so maybe I'm not really sure.....but Haechan says he has this friend that wants to hang out and he's single so...." She shrugged.

Donghyuck selecting a date for you? This can't be good. You pissed him off this morning and now he is in some way, taking revenge. Who could it be? Maybe he payed some desperate nerd to hook you up with. The thought just made your skin crawl. He was definitely up to no good.

"I'm sick."

"(Y/N) please...let's have fun." She pouted.

"Okay but the second I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving." You'll be surprised if you last the first 5 minutes, to be honest.

.....

"Will you stop pacing, they will be here any minute."

"I thought this place was a lounge not a club."

"It is a lounge, I guess they are just packed tonight." She shrugged.

"I swear if he brings some creep to hit on me-"

"Look they're here." You glanced over seeing Donghyuck entered first and you already hated him for looking the way he did. He may be the type to wear sweats all day if he wanted to but when it came down to business, he knew how to dress nicely and you grew angry from just how attractive he is.

He glanced at you but by the way he eyed you up and down made your question what he was really thinking. He almost seemed speechless. You just hoped he wasn't thinking anything negative.

He did love me once?.....

You tried to shake off the thought of him, looking behind to see who he thought would distract you for the night on this oh so exciting double and you almost thought your eyes deceived you. What an asshole! You knew he was out for revenge and he couldn't sink any lower.

"Hey (Y/N)."

"Hey Jaemin."

-

>> Next Part

©property.of.kz-i-co

[yamayuandadu]

What is your opinion on the article "Mesopotamian or Iranian? A New Investigation on the Origin of the Goddess Anāhitā" by Alireza Qaderi?

He proposes that Anahita is possibly the syncretism of an Iranian Water goddess with Annunitum, and while it largely makes a lot of sense to me, especially with how it points out that we can't treat the Avesta as we know it as identical to the Avesta in Zarathustra's time, it also assumes the Central Asian goddess Ardokhsho comes from Aredvi Sura instead of Arti, and everything else I've seen just says Ardokhsho comes from Arti, although I haven't seen much literature on either deity tbh

Sorry it took me a few days to answer this ask even though it’s basically laser focused on my interests. I had some other stuff to read and unpleasant work duties to perform and couldn’t properly go through the recommended paper.

My feelings about the paper are mixed. I think anyone who remembers Annunitum was a distinct deity as early as in the late third millennium BCE deserves at least some credit. The notion of interchangeability of goddesses still haunts the field, fueled by Bible scholars, Helsinki hyperdiffusionists and the like. Overall the author shines in the sections dedicated only to the evaluation of the broadly Iranian material, but as soon as the focus switches to Mesopotamia things fall apart, sadly. More under the cut. Hope you don’t mind that I’ll also use this as an opportunity to talk about Annunitum in Sippar in general. I've been gathering sources to improve her wiki article further (don’t expect that any time soon though). 

The Iranian material

Criticizing the vintage attempts at equating Anahita with Sarasvati is sound and sensible. Same with stressing that she is distinct from Nanaya and Oxus. The criticism of theories depending on lack of familiarity with the historical range of the beaver was a nice touch too, it demonstrates well that the author wanted to cover as much previous literature as possible. However, I also have no clue what’s up with “ΑΡΔΟΧΡΟ has an ambiguous relationship with Arədvī Sūrā”, I’ve also only ever seen this name explained as a derivative of Ashi/Arti save for a single paper trying to force a link to Oxus which was met with critical responses. It’s entirely possible this is an argument I simply haven’t seen though, I’m also not really familiar with this matter.

Overall the arguments against seeking Anahita’s origin in the east are perfectly sensible, and line up with the evidence well - no issues at all with this part of the paper. Following a more detailed list of Anahita’s easter attestations from Shenkar’s Intangible spirits and graven images. She appears on some Kushano-Sasanian coins, but this seems to reflect importing her from the west relatively late on since she appears in neither Kushan nor Bactrian sources. The coins are even exclusively inscribed in Middle Persian, with no trace of the local vernacular. 

For unclear reasons Anahita caught on to a degree even further east in Sogdia, but attestations are limited to the period between fourth and sixth centuries. Since they’re largely just generic theophoric names, it is hard to call her anything but a minor deity of indeterminate character in this context, though. I’ve seen the argument that the popularity of Oxus in the east might have been the obstacle to introducing her. Oxus was a bigger deal in Bactria than in Sogdia so it could even explain why Sogdians were slightly more keen on her, arguably, even if they and Bactrians came into contact with her cult under similar circumstances.

Back to the article, the section dealing with the western attestations starts on a pretty strong note too. The need for reevaluation if it’s fair to talk about Achaemenid rulers as “Zoroastrian” is a mainstay of studies published over the past 10-15 years or so. I can’t weigh on the linguistic arguments because I know next to nothing about that.

I’m not sure if I follow the argument that it makes no sense Iranian population wouldn’t need a royal order to start worshipping a new deity as long as they were Iranian, tbh - linguistic or cultural affiliation doesn’t come prepackaged with automatically updated list of deities one is obliged to instantly adopt as soon as they pop up into existence. Following this logic, why didn’t Sargon’s Akkadian speaking subjects in Syria just adopt Ilaba before being obliged to do so? You will find literally hundreds of cases like this, it’s a very weird argument to me.

The Mesopotamian material

The biggest problems start once the coverage of Mesopotamia begins. The rigor evident in the strictly Iranian sections of the article just… vanishes and it’s incredibly weird. Herodotus as a source is… quite something. The phrase “ a goddess with a Semitic character” is… well, quite something too (Reallexikon generally advises against defining anything but languages as “Semitic” in Mesopotamian context - Mesopotamian is a perfectly fine label to use, and accounts for the fact that Sumerian, Hurrian and Kassite are not a part of the Semitic language family). It keeps repeating later and admittedly I’m not very fond of this. Especially when it pertains to the west of Iran, where deities originating in Mesopotamia were worshiped since the late third millennium BCE - they were more Elamite than Mesopotamian by the time Persians showed up, really. The matter is covered in detail in Wouter Henkelman’s Other Gods who Are with Adad in the Persepolis Fortification Archive as a case study.

Cybele was by no means Mesopotamian (with each new study she keeps becoming more strictly Phrygian, with earlier Anatolian, let alone Mesopotamian, influence becoming less and less likely) so I'm not sure what she's doing here, Nanaya’s associations with lions is almost definitely an Iranian innovation and not attested before the late first millennium BCE; despite earlier sound arguments against ascribing strictly Avestan Zoroastrian sensibilities to people in the late first millennium BCE, that’s basically what happens here. Lions were evidently viewed favorably by at least some Persians and especially Bactrians and Sogdians.

The less said about the part trying to link evidence from Palmyra to Inanna and Dumuzi (what does a marginal spouse deity like Dumuzi, entirely absent from Palmyra, have to do with Sabazius, a veritable pantheon head equated with Zeus?), the better. Frazerian bit, if I have to be honest.

I’m not sure about the enthusiasm for Boyce’s argument that it makes little sense for Anahita to simultaneously be a river goddess and to bestow victory in battle. The latter characteristic lines up well with her elevation to the position of a deity tied to investiture of kings, which in turn is something which boils down to personal preference of a given dynasty. The character of deities isn’t necessarily supposed to be one-dimensional and having distinct spheres of activity because of historical factors is hardly unusual.

Stressing that it’s not possible to treat Anahita and Ishtar as interchangeable is commendable. However, I don’t think it’s possible to claim continuity between the religious beliefs reflected in the relief of Anubanini and first millennium BCE Media. The argument is not pursued further, to be fair, but it’s still weird.

The next huge issue is the treatment of the late “Anu theology”. A good recent overview of this matter can be found in Krul’s 2018 monograph (shared by the author herself here).

For starters, it’s completely baffling to declare Anu had no spouse at first; Urash and Ki are both attested in the Early Dynastic period already - and the former appears reasonably commonly in this role in literary texts and god lists. Even Antu might already be present in the Abu Salabikh list.

Attributing Inanna prominence in Uruk and in the Eanna in particular to identification with Antu is utterly nightmarish and one of the worst Inanna takes I’ve ever seen; the fact it’s contradicted by information of the same page makes it pretty funny, admittedly. Inanna’s ties to the city go back literally to the beginning of recorded history (some of the oldest texts in the world are demands aimed at cities under the control of Uruk to provide offerings for Inanna ffs), and probably even further back. Meanwhile, Anu for most of his history was an abstract hardly worshiped deity; Krul stresses this in the beginning of her book linked above. I’m not a fan of ancient matriarchy takes which are often lurking in the background when the cases of earliest city goddesses like Inanna, Nisaba and Nanshe are discussed but I do think the need to downplay Inanna’s prominence and elevate Anu which pops up every few years in scholarship is suspect and probably motivated by sexism, consciously or not, tbh. 

Trying to make the “Anu theology” which developed in the late first millennium BCE an influence on the entirety of Mesopotamia and beyond is puzzling. Sabazius appearing in Palmyra with a spouse is tied to Anu, somehow? The fact that deities had spouses is? Atargatis ties into this somehow? I’m sorry, but I’m not following. Also, Uruk was no longer a theological center of the Mesopotamian world in the first millennium BCE. Babylon was, and before that Nippur. There is no need to speculate, there are thousands of texts to back it up. The late sources from Uruk in particular show that Babylon was somewhat forcefully influencing the city, not the other way around.

The Anu theology was a display of local “nationalism” of Uruk and had a very limited impact. There is evidence for some degree of late theological cooperation between Uruk and Nippur, and possibly Der as well (Der itself despite being located with certainty has yet to be excavated, though, so caution is necessary), but nothing of this sort is to be found in the late sources from other locations.

Annunitum = Anahita?

Finally, let’s look at the core idea behind the article.

Right off the bat I feel it’s necessary to stress Annunitum generally wasn’t regarded as an astral deity. In the Old Babylonian period, the Venus role was evidently handled by Ninsianna in Sippar; later on they aren’t even attested there but the regular Ishtar is. Seems doubtful it would actually be Annunitum who got to be an astral deity there at any point in time.

This claim is also highly dubious. There is no evidence that Antu was ever worshiped in Sippar, let alone that she was equated there with Annunitum; she doesn’t show up at all in Jennie Myers’ 2002 thesis The Sippar pantheon: a diachronic study. Paul-Alain Beaulieu stresses her lack of importance all across Mesopotamia save for first millennium BCE Uruk here. There is also no evidence that the late Anu theology impacted Sippar in any capacity. Shamash retained his position in the city until the death of cuneiform. Even in Uruk, Annunitum in the late sources appears only in association with Ishtar and Nanaya, not Anu and Antu. I will repeat how I feel about the need to assert Anu’s importance where there is no trace of it. Overall it feels like unrelated Mesopotamian and adjacent sources from different areas and time periods are used indiscriminately; which is ironically the criticism employed in the article wrt the treatment of Iranian textual sources by other researchers. The Assyriological sources employed leave a bit to be desired, too. In particular Abusch’s Ishtar entry in the Dictionary of Deities and Demons in the Bible is a nightmare (he’s good when he covers incantations but his broader “theological” proposals are… quite something), here are some quotes from it to show how awful it is is a central point of reference:

Of the other authors cited, Jacobsen is Jacobsen and a lot changed since the 1960s. Roberts was criticized right after his study was published by researchers like Aage Westenholz. Langdon’s study from the early 1900s is an outdated nightmare, I guess we know what’s up with the Dumuzi hot takes now. Beaulieu is great but his papers and monographs aren’t really utilized to any meaningful extent, I feel. 

Other criticisms aside, I’m unsure if Annunitum was important enough in the fifth century BCE to be noticed by Artaxerxes II as postulated here, especially since Shamash was right next door and definitely retained some degree of prominence. Most if not all cases of Mesopotamian deities influencing Persian or broader Iranian tradition reflect widespread cults of popular deities - Nanaya, Nabu (via influence on Tishtrya), Nergal (in the west, around Harran) - as opposed to a b-list strictly local deity. And it’s really hard to refer to Annunitum differently. Let’s take a quick look at her position in the twin cities of Sippar - as far as I am aware, the most recent treatment of this matter is still Myers’ thesis, and that’s what I will rely on here. 

Annunitum is first attested in Sippar in the Old Babylonian period, during the reign of Sabium, though as a deity already locally major enough to appear in an oath formula alongside Shamash. In the Early Dynastic period Sippar-Amnanum was likely associated with an enigmatic figure designated by the logogram ÉREN+X who doesn’t seem to be related to her. When and how exactly the tutelary deity change occurred is not presently possible to determine and admittedly of no real relevance here.

Evidently Annunitum’s cult in Sippar was influenced to some degree by the Sargonic tradition she originated in, her temple was even called Eulmaš just like that in Akkad. It’s not impossible it was even originally founded by one of the members of the Sargonic dynasty, but in absence of pre-OB evidence caution is necessary. There is no shortage of later rulers who wanted to partake in the Sargonic legacy, after all. By the earliest documented times, it was the second most important temple in the Sippar agglomeration, and the only one beside the Ebabbar to have its own administrative structure. Annunitum was even referred to as the “queen of Sippar” (Šarrat Sippar; note that by the Neo-Babylonian period this title came to function as a distinct goddess, though). In Sippar-Amnanum there was a street, a gate and a canal named after her. A bit over 6% of the inhabitants of both cities bore theophoric names invoking her, also. Sippar-Amnanum was abandoned for some 200 years after the reign of Ammi-saduqa, but it seems the clergy simply moved to the other Sippar next door. Next few centuries are very sparsely documented at this site, but supposedly Shagarakti-Shuriash rebuilt Annunitum’s temple (the matter is discussed in detail here).

Inscriptions of Tiglath-pileser I dealing with the conquest of northern Babylonia affirm that Annunitum continued to be viewed as the goddess of Sippar through the Neo-Assyrian period. According to an inscription of Nabonidus her temple, and Sippar-Amnanum as a whole, were razed by Sennacherib (he also blames “Gutians” for it though by then this is a label as generic as “barbarian”). This might be why her cult had to be relocated to the other part of Sippar again. In the Neo-Babylonian period it returned to Sippar-Amnanum under Neriglissar, though her temple was only rebuilt by Nabonidus. It survived at least until the reign of Darius, though it was only a small sanctuary (É.KUR.RA.MEŠ) like those of Adad and Gula.

There is very little evidence for popular worship of her so late on: only two theophoric names have been identified…. For comparison, Shamash appears in 208 (out of 823 theophoric names, out of a total of 1243 total). Nergal, Gula, Adad and even Amurru are all more common.  Aya is also absent, but unlike Annunitum despite her prominence in earlier periods she was actually never common in theophoric names, save for the names of naditu; and naditu ceased to be a thing after the OB period.

Offering lists complicate the matter further. From the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, Annunitum started to lose ground to a duo introduced from Dur-Kurigalzu: a manifestation of Nanaya associated with this city and Ishtar-tashme. Why they suddenly appeared in Sippar and why they overshadowed Annunitum is uncertain, perhaps Dur-Kurigalzu just failed to recover from decline after the end of the Kassite period and eventually the decision was made to start transferring local deities to other nearby major urban centers. The process reversed during the reign of Nabonidus, who ordered an increase in offerings made to her. This might’ve been motivated by his general concern for Sin and any deities considered members of his immediate family - essentially, a display of personal devotion. This elevation is still evident in offering lists from the reign of Cyrus, though.

Overall the paper is quite convincing - outstanding, even - when it comes to the Iranian material alone, and between mediocre and nightmarish once the author shifts to Mesopotamia.

[redditreceipts]

hi, I’m not sure how to word this right…I’m a transmasculine (NOT TRANSMALE) woman, it’s hard to explain exactly what it means but that’s the closest I’ve gotten, gnc works too I guess though doesn’t fully articulate it.

But I’ve identified as a lot of things since a really early age, generally always circling back to a trans man. Im a survivor of sexual abuse/exploitation, and I would always find myself identifying as the “stereotypical feminine woman” when I was in a worse state and wanted to be objectified, then identifying as a trans male when I wanted to be treated like a human. I figured this meant trans-manhood was what was really right for me, that womanhood was something I only went to as self harm, but recently I thought “would I want to be a man if women were treated like people too” and I realized I wouldn’t.

I support transgender and transsexual rights fully, but I really wish that there was more acknowledgment of sexism. Not just misogyny…sexism.

I thought I was above misogyny, but I’m only recently realizing at age 19 that I didn’t view women as human the way I viewed men as human, and I felt this way because of how I’ve been treated as a female all my life. The way people treat you from birth goes beyond anything a male could comprehend, and it’s so engrained that no one even notices it. We’re not allowed to express emotions or opinions because it’s “too much” and we’re “too loud” especially if we’re not white (which I’m not), we have to do so much more work to be considered an equal by men, we’re talked about in society as objects to be obtained rather than living breathing complex humans, we’re not given margin for error like men are, we’re held to higher standards, we’re constantly forced to prove ourselves in every single capacity in a way men never have to, we’re treated as objects and toys and constantly referred to only with degrading misogynist slurs, we’re aborted for our sex and not given the same education as male classmates and shut out of conversations and objectified before we can even walk, When it’s laid out like that, yeah it’s no wonder so many women (myself included) feel like manhood is the key to humanity. Because It is. Because in society there are people and women, and the current queer community is all too comfortable to bulldoze over this oppression and pretend there’s no such thing as sexism because acknowledging that means challenging their “everyone is valid uwu” shit. Im not saying there aren’t just actual trans men, of course there are, but come on.

Hey :) sorry for the late answer, I've been a bit busy so yeah

I think I kinda get what you mean when you say that you are transmasculine, and I personally think that if that's the best word to describe it, you should go for it! Identity is always a personal matter. I would however argue that identity does not override material reality, and in political terms, we are defined by our biological sex, amongst other things :)

And yes, you are so right when you say that there should be more of an acknowledgement of sexism in the trans community! Women are seen as subhuman, and a woman has to do much more than a man to just be considered a person. That is especially true in the intersection with race and sex.

And well, the trans gender community relies on upholding gender. How many transmasculine people do you see being annoyed when they're being called "she", and they say stuff like "You're calling me she? With my short hair? Dressed like this??"

the recognition of a member of one sex as a member of the opposite sex is much, much harder without gender steretoypes. Abolishing gender leaves us with the cold, hard reality of the oppression of the female sex. I feel like gender is all the pretty fluff and mystification of a brutal truth: Women are seen as less than human.

And yes, I also sometimes feel like I have to be super androgynous to be considered human. But I'm not, and trying to change your sex instead of changing the oppressive systems is like trying to be straight instead of challenging homophobia.

Anyways, I'm glad you're here :) Here's a cat with an octopus on it's head for you :)

[farmerlesbian]

hi farmer lesbian!

so ive identified as bisexual for a long time but ive discovered recently i feel very comfortable within the lesbian ideas of gender and specifically the butchfemme community. i’ve been dating someone recently who also identified as bisexual but has related to transmasc lesbians understanding of gender as well as posts about butches. we both kind of see ourselves within the butchfemme dynamic but i’ve been very tough on myself with calling myself a lesbian because i’ve dated a man before (…in middle school..)

it’s gotten to the point where i’m really worried to label myself because of what it’d imply for my partner? but also what people would say? and while i know i dont HAVE to label myself it just sucks to know theres an identity im drawn to and feel like i fit into that i cant immediately slip into

hmm i'm not really sure how to guide you here. i guess i want to challenge you on some of the things you're saying here, it feels like you're coming at this from maybe the "wrong" angle (wrong feels too harsh a word, maybe just not the most helpful angle)

you're worried you can't call yourself a lesbian because you dated a boy in middle school? i think.. a LOT of lesbians dated boys in jr. high and high school and there are lots of late in life lesbians who were married to men for years before figuring out who they are and coming out. this is all completely normal and common. like, dating one boy in middle school doesn't really mean much tbh. i wouldn't base your identity or label you use around something like that. i dated a bunch of boys in high school and early college when i was still figuring out who i was. your labels or identity or gender or sexuality don't need to account for all you life experiences and past. it's not so much about your sexual history but describing who you are *now*, what you're interested in, in the present.

you say both you and your partner really like Lesbian Genders and butch/femme stuff. that's nice, but liking and relating to lesbian culture and gender stuff doesn't make you a lesbian haha! it's who you're attracted to and who you're not, that determines your orientation. gender and orientation are different things, as i'm sure you know. obviously very connected and stuff. like, for example, just because someone identifies as a man it doesn't make him straight, even though heterosexuality is an integral part of manhood, in the dominant culture. gay trans men are certainly not rare! the same goes for you guys.

also, remember that transmasculinity is a broad umbrella and encompasses a wide variety of people and their identities and experiences. plenty of butches aren't transmasc, and probably most transmascs aren't butch.

i will tell you that in the course of running this blog and being on the internet, i've probably seen and shared thousands of photos and drawing of people. not once have i ever seen something that represents me and my wife. if you are seeking out representation or examples of the options to be, in order to figure out who/what you are, i would advise against that. seek what feels true to you, what feels honest and right. you do not need to be similar to other people in order to find belonging, acceptance, and community. (though of course this is absolutely nothing wrong or bad if you do find others just like you, if you do fit in to existing roles and dynamics! that is of course perfectly normal!)

now, i don't know you or your partner. you know yourselves best. i can't tell you what you really are or really aren't. and i certainly am not going to tell you what you can or can't be! everything i'm saying here is to prompt you to think about and questions to ponder for yourself.

so, i think you have some points to think about, why have you been identifying as bisexual? what is drawing you to the lesbian label? have you tried using 0 labels and not thinking about your identity or labels for at least a month or two (if not a several months) and then coming back and evaluating it afresh? what about the butch-femme dynamic are you drawn to? what is holding you back? you are allowed to discover that you are a lesbian! or you are allowed to continue to be bisexual! i can't tell you who you are - but you're allowed to be and do whatever you want, whatever feels true to you! even if it doesn't make sense to other people or you don't see anyone else like you out there. you gotta be a little bit brave!

hang in there, and sending much love to you and yours! 🧡

[tenebriskukris]

Oshi No Ko Chapter 148 - My Thoughts/Analysis

I don’t think I’ve been more disappointed in an Oshi No Ko chapter as much as I have for Chapter 148, but there’s still some stuff to talk about despite said disappointment. As always, spoilers for Oshi No Ko Ch148 below.

A beach chapter??? After the absolute gut punches that were the last few chapters? No follow up to Aqua or Ruby or Hikaru at all???

Please explain to me why Minami is showing up here after being tossed like garbage for the past few dozen or so chapters? She hasn’t even been plot relevant in this arc! I know it’s because she’s connected to Ruby in some respects but if she’s not going to do anything interesting for the narrative why the hell is she even coming back to the spotlight? Really, I could say this about a bunch of side characters on the movie set but at least they actually showed up for the arc, even though they barely did anything that we could see.

Taiki mourning his car is a running gag that is funny but completely useless in the grand scheme of things. After the horrible pacing of this arc is this bit really necessary? No, and the fact that it still got pushed through when there are several other things to dwell on irks me. This is what side characters have been reduced to—comic relief.

Oh hey Gotanda! Been awhile since we’ve seen him at least. And once again Kana’s tongue strikes the director’s weak spot. Ouch. Ruby also doesn’t help things, but at least she’s known the director for longer than Kana has in order to say such things. It’s the difference between when a friend or someone you know roasts you versus someone who you’ve only met once or twice does it.

Ack! Aqua’s black star eyes. Well, I guess it was too much to hope that he’d lost them permanently. 

Huh, so the movie arc’s finished filming? I suppose that makes sense considering what we had last chapter, but it’s still a bitter pill to swallow considering that the movie barely gave us anything about Hikaru and Ai that couldn’t have been extrapolated beforehand.

Frill is a beast, as always. She takes two months off her schedule because She Can and her popularity’s going to be fine afterwards. I dunno how accurate that is to real life, but usually big shot actors and such choose which jobs to pick, but even then they also have to follow the schedules of their manager? Though with enough pull even that’s something that can be leveraged, I suppose.

Taiki oh my god. Does incest run in this family or something? It must be something in the Hikaru genes.

And Frill in a full diving suit! The gap moe is real. Melt having mixed feelings is a sign of his bad taste! Look at her legs! 

The Akane-Kana interactions are gold as always. It’s always funny to see how they both seem to change their behaviors when the other person is around.

There is an entire page dedicated to unnecessary beach scenes, but I’d like to point out the fact that Aqua is barely in any of them and Crow Girl of all people is. It’s obvious why the former isn’t there but the latter being Here At All throws me for a loop. Oh, to be a fly on the wall to hear Aqua explain why it’s so necessary for Crow Girl to be here on this outing at all.

And then there’s the eventual Akane-Aqua conversation. For all of her talk of “I’ll stop your plan, Aqua-kun.” she never really interfered with the movie. She’s just content to stalk Hikaru and hope that Aqua doesn’t decide to stab him himself. Which feels like the wrong move—if Aqua wanted Hikaru dead by his own hands, he’d have done it by now after he knew his identity.

Akane trying to talk about Aqua’s revenge scheme and trying to persuade him otherwise is something both funny and a bit too late. She’d already thrown her shot during their breakup so it’s interesting to see why she thinks she can get through to Aqua again when there hasn’t been much change in his circumstances. The movie being produced is certainly one big change, but I don’t think that this whole “social sanctions” that she’s referring to are going to take root when Hikaru has an eye on the movie through Kaburagi. Perhaps she’s just saying that to try and convince Aqua. 

The movie in-universe feels alot like a nothingburger, really. Ai wanted to be understood through this movie and Aqua used it as a vessel for revenge. And his “attempt” at revenge only dredged up a little controversy. As soon as the next fad comes around, the public’s attention is going to drift from whatever Aqua’s put in front of them. He should know this. Even Ai’s death was eventually cast aside and forgotten by the masses. Why would Hikaru being the twins’ father be any different? 

Not to mention the fact that they still can’t prove that Hikaru manipulated things so that Ryosuke could kill Ai. The movie might lean into that direction, but that doesn’t amount to anything—even businessmen and corporate executives will look the other way at illegal and morally reprehensible behavior if it benefits them. Why does Aqua think that this movie will change anything about Hikaru’s life besides letting him know that Aqua thinks he killed Ai?

Welp, that’s Kana formally bowing out of the Aquabowl. Akane hasn’t been in the running for ages now so this conversation between them might as well be her resignation. Her giving up Aqua and asking Akane to get together with him is almost certainly not the behavior of someone who’s going to win Aqua’s hand. It would undercut so much about how everyone else has struggled for the Aquabowl since the start.

Akane’s face as Kana says all this is just brilliant. She must feel so poleaxed by Kana, especially with her previous thoughts leading her in the direction that Aqua likes Kana even though at the time Aqua was in a relationship with Akane herself. Who’s in the right here? Both of them and none of them, really. Aqua likes both of you, but romance hasn’t ever been his priority since he’d been focused on his revenge plot. Trying to fix him by pushing someone else to get together with him isn’t the way to go.

This chapter was not necessary. I think the presence of a fucking beach chapter wasn’t necessary just to set up these Akane-Aqua and Akane-Kana conversations. This conversation could’ve been around the movie set, or done through a variety of flashbacks—it’s not like the manga isn’t shy about doing that sort of thing. Though maybe we’ll be getting a followup on this scene in the next chapter, but with the manga’s garbage pacing right now I doubt it.

Of course, all of this is just avoiding the elephant in the room—Ruby’s confession. I’d mentioned previously that if Aqua pushed Ruby away she wouldn’t have reacted the way she’s been multiple times after Ch143. Leaving that up in the air when both Akane and Kana are making their own plans to help Aqua and try and help him just makes this entire love triangle garbage feel even worse than it already is. 

Realistically speaking both of them have already shot their shot and failed for various reasons—so attempting to string the reader along by dredging up the love triangle angle is such a tone-deaf narrative decision. Yes, Akane wants Aqua to be happy, yes, Kana wants Aqua to be happy too. But laying it out narratively Like This just serves as a proxy to serve up this love triangle plotline that we’d already got stuffed with earlier in the manga. Bringing the spotlight back on this topic when there are already so many other more relevant topics in the movie arc that weren’t explored for some godawful reason is a kick in the teeth. I’m just hoping that we don’t get anymore screentime for these girls meandering around Aqua and instead do something that’ll actually affect him in some manner.

[sirenjose]

Your thoughts on the Identity Switch

Thanks to you…. I now really like Norton. I used to hate him because I have a vendetta against people taller than my 4’11 self but now I love him.

on another note, what are your thoughts on the Identity switch system? Looking more into Norton’s background specifically makes me wonder why Norton gets a hunter form. What does this represent? I know that there’s a lot of drugs involved but I always interpreted it as them unlocking a new personality or smth, one more attune to following the manor’s games and supervising it (hunter) and like the other just trying to leave (survivor). I’ve been so interested in Norton’s lore lately that now I’m in an existential rabbit hole in how survivors get hunter forms, why that is, and if it’s like some sort of curse or punishment. Why are these survivors getting hunter forms?

soooo many questions, IK. But like reading your theories and analysis at 3Am is my serotonin. As a new player purely interested in the game for its lore I am just excited to know more but can’t wrap my head around all these weird concepts cause, again, I’m new. Also if I spend the next hour reading more of your analysis I will not sleep so therefore I need to preface my curiosity with a timed endeavor. My question probably do3snt make sense but like uhhh yeaaaaa. You should totally make something on your thoughts on identity switch (especially for the survivors gone hunters) cause I am too far in deep into the Norton-Campbell-Fool’s-Gold-Alternate-personality rabbit hole.

I’ve never done the questioning thingy before so sorry if this is not how it works. G’day!

Ah, it makes me happy to think a nobody like me can turn your thinking around on someone. Especially Norton since he was 1 of the main reasons I got started with the lore at all. I'm someone who usually plays a game based on how interesting the story or characters are, so I was interested in learning about idv's lore soon after I joined (had to take quite awhile to figure out the basics of the game and what all the various buttons were, then take some more time to get used to it before I could even get started with the lore). Was the main reason why I went looking to join places like Discord or Reddit, just so I could find people talking about the story.

Started by just understanding what I could about what people said, but then I eventually moved on to trying to understand at least the basics of everyone's backstories (once again, took me awhile to do that ^_^; Especially as I joined before we were getting all that much story at all). While I was doin this, I heard a lot of people saying bad stuff about some character named Norton. Have to admit I didn't know who he was for quite awhile. Wasn't in my radar. Can't even say I cared much for him. But I eventually got to the point where I basically decided I wanted to see if I could determine if Norton really was that bad or not (maybe as a challenge to myself, maybe because I wanted to find out myself rather than just hearing other's opinions, or maybe because I failed to find anything really in-depth about him).

That analysis took a ridiculous amount of time. In part because I ask too many questions, because I'm a perfectionist and wanted to look at every bit of info on him and detail on him, but also somewhat because I ended up writing this like a persuasion piece, and felt the only way to do that was by going through everything to back up my conclusion (whatever my research turned up). Which was also why I analyzed every single essence he had a skin in, as well as any skins not in an essence, his accessories, emotes, etc... It was during that process I actually got attached to Norton. Probably because of how long I spent going through him (no one needs to know how long it took... only the immense joy and desire to collapse I had when I finally finished).

Since then, I've rewritten his analysis... 3 times now I think? Counting after hunter norton's release? Though I've taken down that 1st version due to issues, and haven't reposted my essence analyses as they're old (they were pretty much the 1st analyses I wrote, and I'd like to think I've improved since then) as well as because they're based on the 1st version of my norton analysis... and because they're probably a bit needlessly long and thus embarrassing... Maybe I'll repost them once I get around to rewriting them. I definitely will eventually at least for Soul Catcher's and Magic Item Keeper's essence because I have to say they took longer than almost any other part of that original (complete) norton analysis (i can never forget the trouble they caused me over how long it took to understand them).

ANYWAYS! Ignoring my stupid rambling because who cares about any of that.

I was going to include my answer to your question about Identity Switches but it’s starting to become a little silly in length ^_^; (seriously, for those who know me well enough, I have a bad habit of writing more than I initially intended to once I get started) so I’ll make that a separate post for you, and you can let me know if it answers your questions (once I post it). If not, feel free to ask any more of your questions.

Honestly, the lore is confusing even to those who aren’t new players, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t wrap your head around a lot of this ^_^;

It’s hard for me to imagine my stuff is so good people are willing to read it, much less re-read it. Especially as I know people tend to prefer… shorter things, but I have tendency to be lengthy. I can’t help it though ;’) But thank you so much for the compliment.

And please, I’m still pretty new to Tumblr, so I’m still figuring all this out myself.

Anyways, don’t feel nervous talking to me or asking me any questions you have. I enjoy being helpful! So please, ask whatever you like. Or even if you don’t have a question, that’s ok too. I enjoy rambling about a subject I get started on, as long as the other person can bear with me ;’)

 It’s always nice to know people besides me, myself, and I are reading this stuff.

(Apologies for any errors or nonsense in this post, as I decided to write it without double checking it for errors cuz I felt like being lazy, and I'm still busy writing out my thoughts about Identity Switches for you)

[suitov]

Hello! Today I was thinking a little about the super-minimalist constructed language toki pona, as well as about your wonderful fic Izuru Kamukura’s Cuddly Toy, and I had the sudden thought of trying to translate it. The result would be something really niche, but the more I considered it the more I realized it might actually fit well with Izuru’s laconic narration. So I wanted to ask your permission to give translating it a try just for fun, and possibly to post it on Ao3 if I’m happy with the result.

Maybe the title could be ijo puwa pi lon Isulu—Izuru’s fluffy thing. puwa, fluff or softness, is a rarer word that doesn’t come from the original 120, but it seems utterly essential here. soweli puwa has been used to refer to a stuffed animal, which Dandelion is not, so instead maybe he’s ijo, a thing or entity. Names in toki pona consist of a standard noun followed by a capitalized modifier (this modifier is usually based on the person’s name then altered to fit the toki pona alphabet)—the standard head noun is usually jan, meaning person or human, but you also see people occasionally deciding on different head nouns for their own names, such as soweli for a therian or an animal character. Because Izuru likes to refer to himself (and Dandelion) apart from humans, I figured I could also go with something like lon Isulu, lon meaning existence. Izuru is who exists now, and Izuru is himself, nothing more or less.

For Dandelion, I have other thoughts! First of all, to disguise Dandelion’s true identity in the narration, Izuru could use a different unusual head noun, like the word puwa itself. He is a Fluffy. Second, for the name Dandelion itself, there are a few ways it could go:

• something new derived from toki pona words themselves without necessarily a head noun at all, because the point of the nicknames is that concepts are faster than thinking in terms of the sound of a name. Downside: in toki pona, either too vague or too bulky. kasi kon?

• puwa Talasakan from Taraxacum, since as a scientific name it’s more common cross-linguistically.

• puwa Tanpopo from Japanese tanpopo, which sounds cute and wouldn’t even receive alteration.

• puwa Tantelijan from plain old dandelion, probably the most obvious answer—but it only became my very favorite once I realized I could tweak the vowels a little to make it into a stealthy little pun. li jan means “is a person”.

I’m sorry if I rambled a little more than expected; I’ve been enraptured by silly translation stuff lately.

I love this! Especially the pun. :) Have my blessing to play with it and post anything you're happy with. 🩵

(Come to think of it, I have no idea how translators will cope with the sonnet in the sequel, but let's worry about getting that finished first...)

[solarisgod]

Hi CC!! I know we haven’t really talked to each other at length or anything but you are such a fixture on my dash and I’m about to get really sappy for a minute here A HEM….

You’ve told me before that you love Dawa and their canon and that i’ve been an inspiration to you, and that still sticks with me. It keeps me going for real, especially right now and just lately because I’ve felt myself slowly falling out of love with my own creations. It’s been slowly churning in my mind how art in general and creative pursuits haven’t been in the forefront of my being for like, years now. Just all sorts of IRL stuff has happened and it’s really destroyed any motivation or even desire to continue with Dawa’s canon or draw or write at all. And even when my mood is better I still don’t have an urge to create, and it's been very disheartening cause like, I really intrinsically linked myself as an artist to who i am as a person. It really does feel like now I’m going through some sort of identity crisis because who am I without Dawa? This character who i’ve had since highschool who i’ve poured so much time and energy and love and passion into? It’s been hard. 

BUT YOU it makes me so so so so happy and hopeful for my future as a creative when I see you on the dash. Everything you do, you do it with such vigor and enthusiasm. You love your canon and it shows and it’s really refreshing and beautiful. It’s genuinely motivating, it makes me want to write Dawa, write other characters from 10 Million Colors and continue on with this project even if it’s not at the rate at which I had been earlier, but it can still be there and part of me even if it’s not All of me ya know? Like, you’re very inspiring to me too askdhal. If not the absolute mass and wordcount and thought and concepts of everything you write, all the studies you post, all the little world-building things and lore and characters, then it’s energy you bring, it’s unmatched. Like idk you’re just so emphatically invested in this project and it’s infectious. It’s really truly motivating to see anything you post because it’s always full of unadulterated dedication and unapologetic love for creation. I remember being in that spot years ago and you make me want to be there again. 

BUT ALSO ALL THE CONCEPTS AND LORE AND WORLD-BUILDING AND CHARACTERS TOO OF COURSE. Imma be honest I’ve felt so bad for so long because I felt like I was only scratching the surface of your canon. Like I wasn’t reading all that I needed to read and I needed to digest every last morsel of your writing and development because you had always done so for me and would support me in that way, and I would be a FRAUD otherwise asdlkjgljskd so I had taken the time tonight to go through your blog and soak up as much information as I could. Go through all your pages, your links, anything important you highlighted or noted to be so, and it’s been a wonderful experience. I feel enlightened SDKJAGKAL Personally speaking I have a hard time like, wrapping my head around metafiction type themes (idk what it is, I feel i might just be too literal minded and get confused easily idk but anyways) but I really find what you’re doing here to be easier to digest which is really nice. I think it’s because of the sci-fi fantasy that’s intertwined with it that makes the concepts feel more tangible. Also the use of vocabulary as a way to explain lore details is effective for my brain in particular ASDJKSA but it’s all so cool and I haven’t even gotten through all of it yet but I can just visualize everything so clearly. Like aesthetically, even through your writing, there's such a clear vibe, visual feeling here, and it resonates through your blog and everything on it. It’s so pinpointed and specific too, because there’s definitely like the ‘eldritch entity incomprehensible to the human eye and mind’ and that would be scary. But the vibes of Antineon Hieraeo doesn’t come off as scary, it’s still cosmic horror but somehow more inviting? I am so bad at articulating things but the Feeling is that of space, outer space in the universe among the stars, conceptually it’s a scary thing. It’s a vacuum, nothing is up there, you’re alone in a dark void- but also you’re not. It’s scary, mortifying, but also it’s not because the awe and wonder takes you out of the initial fear. There’s probably still going to be unease, but space is still beautiful and that won’t leave either. 

I also wanted to say one of my favorite things about your canon here is the naming conventions. It’s really giving sci-fi pulp and I mean this in the most positive way possible. Like nobody is indulging in having sickass fucking names anymore and I love to see it. And not just that but the titles characters will adopt or inherit (hieronyms, etc.) are also so cool and tbh I just love a good ranking system or hierarchy of titles that change overtime or a system of epithets LOVE IT!

This message has gotten absurdly long but I just needed to say something, because I want you to know your work isn’t going unseen or unappreciated, you are loved and your creative endeavors are loved I am eating it whole ASKFJGFDA I also want you to know I started writing my own personal spark notes so I can remember your characters and lore bits that are important/might be important so I can use it as a reference to go back and forth from cause I can feel my memory failing real time lmao. I’ve been reading through your canon tag too, started from the very first page (which is 22 btw) and am working my way forward. I have rambled so much I hope any of this makes a lick of sense to you ilu i love ur work ur energy ur verve ur drive ur passion ur creativity never stop it’s 2am now so I’m probs gonna crash but I hope this fan letter finds you well sorry for clogging your inbox with it ;KWDAHGSGDJSAL; 🙏✨🥰💫💗🙏💞🌸💖🥰💫✨📿🙏🌞💌💞🌸💕💟💝💫💝✨

Linnea,,, oh my stars, LINNEA!!! Receiving this at 2am made my day so emotional that I genuinely had teary eyed re-reading this and thinking about it for a whole hour, I'm just so,,, HIYA JSNGJNGKSNKD WOW!!! I swear, I'm not being dramatic or such but, when I said that you and your 10 Million Colors creations are few of my many huge inspirations, I mean it in my whole cosmic heart. And I need to say this that you were the first creator ever in the rpc when I was new to this community in 2020s who became an inspiration to me with your wonderful Dawa and 10 Million Colors. I still vaguely recall the endless amazement I experienced when I looked into your blog and Dawa's document, and so more much when I read what you had with 10 Million Colors.

You have such incredible ways of storytelling along with developing your canons and characters that are so beyond memorizing and captivating. Every little detail you have given out with your creations from writings to art pieces and every others, they are all so filled with light and life and love. It's just completely phenomenal. Your creativity and commitment have always been a highlight to my experiences of being a creator, and a great drive to just keep exploring, creating, and turning emotions and thoughts and ideas into realities. Dawa's canons perfectly capture raw magic and mythicalness, and reading their summary in their Carrd, Dawa's background and journey of having to collect all Colors ( souls ) and ascend, never to die, in the end are so personally emotional and gripping of thoughts and emotions from another. Dawa's canon actually made me reflect more about things that we do not have the full proper explanations or comprehensions ( e.g. souls, afterlife, etcetera ). Dawa is one of the most complex and wonderfully fleshed out characters to exist ever in the rpc and whole world, and I really do hope despite your current distance with Dawa and their canons, you still hold that spark of pride in what you have created and developed to this day because, truly, Dawa and 10 Million Colors are few of the infinite creations that I personally believe are so highly impactful and innovative. 10 Million Colors is a beautiful story made in 10 million shades of love.

All of this love and attention and support from you towards our creations, along with the Starwake System and Antineon Hieraeon, truly means everything and more to me. I can never say this enough, but thank you so so so much, entirely and endlessly. Antineon Hieraeon is a story and Antineoverse is an universe that are deeply and lovingly composed of every single special interest and great passion I have that were used as forces of inspirations from medias, genres, themes and motifs, etcetera, etcetera. I think balance is one of the most important things that I want Antineoverse to hold. That despite Antineoverse being consisted of so many characters ( this universe have at least 200 canon characters, most currently only existing as ideas ), lore concepts and styles in storytelling and artistic composition, there's still a balance in its all encompassing existence, and the fact that you can see ANHA as both the void and universe, set in between the cosmic horror and celestial beauty, I'm so so so delighted to be able to accomplish that sort of vibe to this story that holds a significant message that despite all of these agonies and tragedies it holds, it is also still so completely full of kindness and hope and love. Love is always the point in this story, as should so in our real lives, that ANHA tries with everything, and especially the Starwake System as its protagonist, to remind the audience, us all.

I'm beyond glad and relived to know that the lore and worldbuilding of Antineoverse aren't overly complex for you. As much as I love to come up with the coolest lore, characters, names, etcetera, I try not to make them too complicated for people to grasp. Antineoverse is an extremely complicated creation that explores the endless, the unknown and the beyond. Metafiction is one of the tools that look deeper into them, but it's important to me that this is a creation at least most can be able to understand and draw their own opinions and reactions from it without the complex details tangling them too much. I'm so thankful to know the concepts appear more tangible than just abstract, like I'm just really happy to know these concepts could feel more real and alive to others, as well as finding that my ways of using metafiction genre isn't confusing you. Metafiction is one of my longest and deepest special interests, as well as narratology. Meta genre is definitely not for everyone when it can be disorienting and anxiety + paranoia inducing. I don't really know what I'm doing exactly that could make ANHA's meta aspect more comprehensible, but it's so great you've been able to navigate through it well. Antineoverse / Antineon Hieraeon and the Starwake System are everything to me as my significant beloved and starmates. I'm always most grateful to be alive especially because of the Starwake System and my beloved. ANHA and Starwake just holds special places in my heart and it is incredibly nice to know my passion and devotion with them are so deeply seen and adored.

I thought it would be really fun to explore and write the series on this platform as an ongoing continuous storyline through roleplay! To be honest, I can't do my creative projects without an audience, as validation and support does drive me best in working my creations, and I will always be most thankful that I did bring Antineovese / Antineon Hieraeon and the Starwake System over here. It's one of my best choices ever, both roleplay and general life wise, as it have given us + me many wonderful friendships and memories and storyline + dynamics with others' muses. This will always be my best experience in the rpc, I just know it. Oh my gosh, the way you just really took the time and energy to go through every little details of the characters, storyline, etcetera in this blog... That's so mindblowing and awestriking to me jsnfJNKNKS LIKE I really don't ever expect anyone to know so much of our original lore because I know it's a lot and complicated to process and understand, NO ONE WOULD BE A FRAUD for not getting into everything of Antineoverse, I PINKY PROMMY KSDMGKDSM but my heart is so full of warmth and love knowing you really truly took so much time and energy getting through it all and even keeping notes of the important details, like, that's just so so sooo amazing to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I still remember when you mentioned the fact that the Starwake System achieved Sainthood on your birthday last year and your sheer delight was so out of the world. That post you made about it truly did made my whole month and just, really, beyond.

In regards to your struggles with creating and falling out of love with your creations, you have our and especially my biggest sympathy. It is one of the worsts when you exist so much out of your life as a creator, and there would be those moments where you become more disconnected and distant with your own creations, with any to all that you would put so much time, effort, love, and passion in them. Personal issues / situations is certainly a factor that can influence that interest and connection, and it does get extremely frustrating, disheartening, and so painful when that fallout remains consistent and deep. This feels like a complete lost hope situation, especially given as you said you have been in this position of how general arts and creative pursuits haven’t been in the forefront of your being for years, but I can promise you this, Linnea, that once more you will find that drive to create and connection with your creations to love whole. You are not a failure for not being able to create or loving your creations enough. You will never become a failure when that special aspect of you falters or falls. You are a real living being whose existence is made of everything temporary and deserves to be taken care with whole. Dawa and their story with everyone who and everything else that you created will always be waiting for you as they could be grateful enough that they even existed because of your dedication and passion. Us cluster and I truly do wish you will refind yourself as an artist one day, but please do have this gentle reminder that you and your creations are still so deeply loved by many, and even when your artistic self hasn't been present at this time, your existence overall is still special and worth being part of the world and the universe.

I'm getting teary eyed from writing all of this jnjsngsnk and this response is incredibly lengthy as well, but I want to put my whole energy and effort into this as you did with your ask for us that I will forever most appreciate and cherish in my silly starry heart. My significant beloved @ lunarisdog is quite delighted to see this and they're just as appreciative of your support and kindness as I am. As needing to repeat, this is all everything to me and I'm just beyond glad we could still give you hope and joy with your future as a creator. Even though we haven't known each other on a personal level, your presence on dash and notifications is an utter ever delight, and I'm extremely thankful and happy to have met you and I could be inspired by you while you are inspired by me + us cluster as well. We all wish you the best of everything and, again, you will find that path of being an artist and create once more. This time of being more lost in yourself and distant with your creativity and creations, it will not exist forever. You'll embrace yourself again. We are sending you endless love and light, friend, always, @wargod. 💖💫🌟✨💖💫🌟✨💖💫🌟✨💖💫🌟✨💖💫🌟✨

[emsylcatac]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, clown anon here after a long time of not talking :0) how do you feel with this season? what do you think of it? i just watched derision and hmmmm i'm having mixed feelings about how things are developing

hiiiii clown anon omg it’s been so long!!!!! How are you doing ??

I have mixed feelings too to be honest! I reaaally loved it up till Elation (episode 9 I think? I’m forgetting all the names), but after I’m feeling a bit confused on a few things that are leaving me hungry for more. But I’ve yet to see all the episodes so maybe some stuff are gonna make more sense later

(I’m gonna put the rest undercut cause I don’t want to be too negative for those who don’t care about that, especially because I’m still enjoying watching very much, but I’m still underwhelmed about a few things)

The interactions are super cute and I’m rooting for them so I still love it, but while I had the feeling the lovesquare sides were merging together as expecting till Elation, I feel like the writers are splitting the sides more now if it makes sense? Like Ladynoir and Adrinette are existing more on their own than as a whole right now. Which, I’ve said enough times that I always expected / hoped for them to date post-reveal instead of pre-reveal, so I was already super disappointed by that. Because to me the whole idea with the lovesquare was for them to discover each other fully and all, having all these conflicts with the identities while right now they’re not really…playing much into anything (apart from sending Luka to Brazil lol) between the 2 of them (thought this might change in later episodes & we might not have had the time to see it yet properly)

I feel like a lot of the Adrinette we see now should have developed as friendship last season, especially if they wanted to go with the pre-reveal dating part. I feel like they’ve started some plots only for them to fall short or be dismissed easily (Marinette supposedly falling in love for Chat Noir is completely brushed aside despite the built-up, as if potentially being akumatised and getting back to reason could erase romantic feelings easily which is…weird. Her refusal of getting close to Adrien at the start of the season because of her trauma from loosing the miraculous, while understandably not being a problem anymore in Kwami’s choice since she’s free of her Ladybug responsability, isn’t being addressed anymore when she get it back (unless I’m misremembering which is possible cause I watched the episodes only once while I was traveling dhfhjfd). Then today’s episode explained lots of her struggles with confession, which is great and I really liked that we got all these insights, but it comes a bit late imo - we’ve thought for so long Marinette was scared of rejection, but turns out it’s not exactly quite just that. Then for the whole show they’re telling us how important secret identities are, then the Luka plot with him knowing is just brushed off like it’s nothing and honestly didn’t really add anything to the plot and all, etc etc.& I won’t talk about Kwami’s choice because apart from the Adrinette in the episodes & the wish getting stopped by them as civilians, the rest wasn’t it hahaha)

They’re also now suddenly focusing a lot on side-characters (Zoé???? when again we could have gotten more Nino development instead but anyway), that are taking a lot of the intrigue leave Adrien more in the background than some side-char, or taking the place for some other plots that could have felt less rushed. Not that it’s bad to develop side-characters, but ML hasn’t been great at it so it comes off as them waking up like ‘oh shoot we gotta develop these guys’ on the late.

Anyways I’ve rambled enough as it is hahaha, overall I’m still laughing a lot and having a great time, and it’s nice to see them getting closer and I love that 🥺 and I hope the next episodes will change my mind on a few things, but I can’t say I’m entirely satisfied with the way the lovesquare plot is unfolding. It’s not bad, it’s nice and I enjoy it, but a part of me will always mourn the loss of potential. Things would have been a lot more meaningful if they had dated after the reveal imo but oh well 😅

I don’t know if your mixed feelings were on the same points as me or not clown anon, but here are some of mine!