#but I'm too exhausted all the time to think about it 😞

[stressfulsloth]

Augh man I am experiencing the agonies. I hate when a flare up gets bad enough that my hands start cramping up 😭 two days off and then I'm back to work again for another four open-closes in a row and I am getting STRESSED just thinking about it...

[nipuni]

Hello! Time for another blog post! I think my last one was two months ago and a lot has happened since 😊

We have been attending a ton of historical recreation events so I still have many photos to share, hope you don't hate those! It's been really fun! We are exhausted and all out of social battery however so we are taking it easy this month. Another thing that's been happening a lot is that even when we are not dressed in historical clothing we keep getting stopped by strangers on the street because of our everyday outfits, it's been like that for a couple of years now so we are no longer startled or nervous about it but it's happening more and more often now and it's so nice! we always end up chatting about the events we go to and our jobs and hobbies and exchanging contacts or they ask for photos and stuff! people are really kind and excited about it and I still find it so surprising in the best way. We grew up in a very hostile city and environment and that makes you paranoid and cynical so these interactions and response has been healing really. I know their words will stick with us for years to come 😭 Sadly the unbearable heat is starting though so that means our outings for the next three months will be limited to the crack of dawn and after sunset 😞 but at least the summer brings a lot of fruit with it so we can sit at home and eat pineapples and strawberries while we wait for autumn.

My family came to visit a few months ago too and we made them watch most of Doctor Who's season one to four and some of our favourite episodes from all the other seasons lmao. And much to our delight they really enjoyed it!! They both loved Ten the most and my step dad is now in love with Martha 🥰

We have also been watching the current season and it's been so fun keeping up with fandom theories in real time and talking about it and speculating with friends in person, it's the first time we get a chance to do it since we got into the series and we are enjoying it a lot!

We also watched season one of Jessica Jones and we loved David's performance as Kilgrave!! He stole the show for real. Kilgrave is such an incredible villain, one of the best I've seen and DT does such an amazing job portraying every aspect of him. He's detestable and volatile and frighteningly powerful and has such an intimidating terrifying presence in the narrative while also being pathetic and vulnerable and ridiculous and childish and so human with all it's worrying implications. It was just so gripping and I wish he had stayed for the rest of the show honestly!! Now we have to pick our next David Tennant series to watch! 😊

Also!! Dragon Age is back!! AHHH I wanted to thank everyone that commented on my last DA pieces, it has made my month to read the comments, I didn't expect so many people to remember my art or my character after so many years and it's so touching and flattering you have no idea 😭💘 I look forward to making more and sharing them with you all, I'm truly grateful for the kindness you've shown me both back then and now I hope you know.

I feel so spoiled lately with all these franchises that I love releasing new content!! I've never been in these many fandoms at once!! I have so many ideas to draw and keep jumping back and forth between drawings from different shows and games AAAAA it's a good and welcome change honestly, keeps me busy and inspired!

Anyway that's all for now I think! I hope you are doing well and this summer/winter is kind to you all ❤️

[starfxkr]

Realized most of my asks are sleep related 😞 I'm just a sleepy girl fr. Anywayyysss how would the boys react to a girl who when she gets sleepy she starts to get giggly and chatty. Like talking about nothing and laughing about everything, like talking so much her mouth gets dry -🍓

god me too im so sleepy even as I write this 😞 I have to stand up so I won't fall asleep

john b would just "mhm. oh yeah?" you the whole time while he's trying and failing to sleep because he knows you'll tire yourself out eventually. and the conversation has no through line or structure so he can barely keep up but he does it to corral you to bed.

pope will actually engage in the nonsensical convo because he thinks its so fucking adorable and he love's how your brain works during time and he starts asking you all sorts of out there questions to get some sort of pseudo-intellectual answer and he always ends up with a surprisingly in depth view of how you think

jj's gonna tease you and yap with your little sleepy self to the point that you don't even notice that he's walked you from the couch to the bed and kissed you to sleep. he's cracking little jokes to make you laugh yourself to pretty much exhaustion and kiss your nose and cheeks until you're slumped.

rafe isn't gonna say much, just put you to bed and reply every once in a while when you get that 2nd/3rd/4th wind until you let out a nice big yawn and he knows he's got you in a position to finally sleep. so he convinces you to quiet down and let him talk which he does until you pass out which doesn't take long.

[wanderingconstellations]

This was rotting in my drafts.. but here you go.

Fem reader with small tits.. yes, I'm giving y'all representation. Teasing Wanderer who wouldn't give in to your horny fantasies. Public-ish..

This was rushed at the end.. So sorry, I'm exhausted from writing four writings at 1AM in the morning 😞

He would've been lying that he didn't find it cute how you get so easily riled up, and the fact that he can see your nips poking through your shirt. That gives him a chance to further tease the hell out of you. By teasing, the it's actually him pinching your nips out of nowhere and rubbing your folds through your panties.

You're just so embarrassed, doing something so filthy inside the library, so shameful, but it feels so good, so so good, much better than putting your mind on studying.

"Focus, you have an exam tomorrow. I'm sure you don't want to fail it do you?"

You don't, but he's rubbing n' touching you, how can you focus at this state? You're practically leaking out of your panties, even more from his words.

Your hands tremble as you do your best to read and collect all of the information about the reading as much as you can, you're mind is filled with filthy, lewd thoughts, how can you even focus when he's rubbing your clit under your skirt at such a painfully slow pace?

"C'mon, you can do it. You're doing great."

Absolutely not. You're practically sweating right now, biting your tongue and hoping no one sees you reduced into such a pathetic state. Your fingers tremble as it tries to get a grip on your pencil, weakly dragging it along and underlining certain sentences, making annotations.. and what else? You can't even think properly because of his stupid, long fingers that are roaming n' gripping at anywhere.

"I-I can't.. I can't focus.."

"Can't? I know you can, just keep going. Rewards are only after your studies, sweetheart?"

With a grin, he moves your panties aside, just for him slowly push his fingers into your heat, letting it envelope his fingers. You gasp and practically whimpered at the feeling.

Rewards.

Oh you just want to be fucked right now, so so bad. It wouldn't be a surprise if you just.. unzip his pants and bounce on his cock for some time.. that would've been nice.

“R-Right..” you mumbled, mind hazy with the thought of his cock inside of you. You're so worked up.. how can you handle all of this torture! Too bad this was gonna go on for hours..

[rodolfoparras]

So in SSKTJL, the suicide squad gets infected with Fear Gas because of Batman

For context, Fear Gas is a gas created by Scarecrow or Johnathan Crane, and when inhaled, you live through your worst fears until worn off.

And Digger's worst fear is everyone leaving him behind, being unwanted and forgotten. In the scene, George talks to himself, saying they've probably already left him. Calling himself a loser and and a coward and shit. He sees "NOT WANTED" posters of himself hung up around

(I can't do this anymore, bro)

What if Reader's worst fear was watching all of his friends/teammates die and losing them all🥰

Running around trying to listen to Harley's advice (because she knows Scarecrow and the toxin) but he just keeps hearing his friends scream for help and their bodies everywhere but he's literally unable to help them, because they're not fucking real but it's scary asf

And once it's all over, Reader is all over Digger the rest of the night. They're the closest, so it's already not that weird, but he's literally not giving Digger a MOMENT of peace. a hand on that man the entire time, following him everywhere, fucking sleeps on top of him to try and keep him safe

Mumbles to him all night about being scared of losing him and how much he cares about him and Digger's just "🧍‍♂️wut?" Because he genuinely believes that despite working with the team, he's very easily disposable and they could all replace him but don't because of Waller

Reader ramping up his affection for Digger after that because he's not gonna let him think that shit??

Idk where I'm going with this but I love him so much. Just wanna play with his hair and kiss his face 😞

-🐧

Cw: tooth rotting fluff, x male reader

Okay but thinking about you being unable to calm down even though the gas has long stopped having effect, even though you’re back in your current reality with all your friends where they’re all very much alive and doing well but no matter what they say or do you just can’t calm down

It’s like you’re still stuck in that place, watching all your friends die in front of you without being able to do anything, and Digger being Digger starts joking around, telling the rest of the team how they should just knock you out to make sure you get to sleep through the night.

But his words turn into squeaks as you pull him into a bruising grip, his head shoved into your chest, and your arms locked in an iron grip around his waist.

Unintelligible sounds escape his lips as he tries to push you away from him but you don’t budge an inch, if anything you hold him tighter, nuzzling your face into his honey blonde locks and inhaling his scent, and for once you actually seem to relax.

“Uh hello big guy? cant breathe here,” the sound of Digger’s strained voice sends the whole squad into fits of laughter, with them even making comments about how you’re his responsibility for the night before splitting up to get some rest.

“Alright alright that’s enough” digger says as he finally breaks out of your embrace “jeez I know I’m a lovable guy but even that was a bit too much eh?” Digger says, clearly being sarcastic as he proceeds to prepare his make shift bed.

He doesn’t even get to lay down properly before you’re on top of him, your body weight pinning him in place an arm once again locked around his waist.

“God dammit,” Digger grunts out as his back meets the harsh impact of the ground. “What’s with you tonight eh? Gas scared you that bad? What did you even see?”

And maybe it’s the hint of concern in his voice or it’s the exhaustion from todays events, but you decide to tell you him what you saw earlier today.

Surprisingly enough, Digger listens intently to every word you have to say, at some point you think he’s fallen asleep or spaced out because it’s so unusual for him to not interrupt but when you look up, you see the very much focused look on his face as he continues to listen to you.

Once you’re done speaking you peer up at him - only to be met with the sight of his furrowed brows as he worries his bottom lip.

This time it’s your turn to ask what’s on his mind, digger doesn’t waste a second before he starts to explain, telling you how he can understand why you’d be worried about losing king shark- he was a great asset to the team - or Harley - she was a smart cookie or dead shot - look at his name! who wouldn’t want a guy like that on his team ? but he can’t understand why you’d be worried about losing him.

He doesn’t say it in a self deprecating way, but rather as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, as if he’s speaking of the way the sun is bound to rise tomorrow and maybe that hurts more than if he were to say it in a self deprecating tone.

You’re swift to rise up, knocking the air out of his lungs as you go on a tangent about how of course he’s an important part of the team, promptly mentioning the many times he’s saved your ass or saved another member of the team, the many times he’d been the reason as to why they succeeded in whatever mission you were doing.

By the time you’re done you’re all out of breath, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace hands still hanging in the air and staring wide eyed at the Aussie man.

“Alright alright big guy I get it,” he says, now sporting a blush on his face and avoiding your gaze while bashfully rubbing at the back of his neck. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you have a crush on the ol’ captain” Digger say with somewhat of a forced chuckle , and peers up at you beneath soft blonde lashes.

“Maybe I do,” you shrug.

“Wha-“

“Sleep digger, we have a long day tomorrow no?” You say, suddenly laying down again and pulling him into your arms before he can protest. You can hear him cursing under his breath but he doesn’t do anything to try and get out of your embrace. “Goodnight captain” you say with a smile on your face.

“Goodnight” he grumbles back as he tightens his hold on your waist.

[killakalx]

Pookie ur making me blush ehbfiwebiub I'm so glad I found someone as deranged as me litterly makes my stomach do a thing <3 (I have kidney failure)

like you think my lil ol ask are to good? keeping me a secret? hheehehhehe blushing and giggling 🤭🤭🤭

anyways, sure Jason at first is a bit like "erm.. ok I guess." when you first start messing around with his nipples but I firmly believe that he's so touch starved after while of messing around and they start to get a bit puffy and red from the constance touching he'll kinda start letting out cute little breaths and his face start to turn red, he's pushing you away cause he can't figure out if he likes it or not. I feel like he wouldn't bust in his pants from touch and more like it feels good but he needs more stimulation. its more like edging with him you know? Roy tho, bro can cum on the spot from just accidentally brushing against him. he knew he had sensitive nipples but he just never really messed with like before they would just itch??? ig?? or he'd get a shiver down his back but that's it, but after you find out about that and start to mess with them more often its to the point he has to go shirtless at home because he doesn't wanna bust in his pants while he's in the middle of something. just play with his nipples and nothing else for a good 30 minuets and he won't be able to form a single thought. Dick, since I'm not a huge fan of him I haven't really thought of it tbh? its mostly just Roy and Jason, but I feel like he'd be a mixed of both? Like he can be stimulated by his nipples but I feel like he'd have to already cum a few times before like his body is just so exhausted and overstimulated that he can't really control anything.

also Roy have a tongue piercing, eyebrow, and nipple piercings. He used to have a spectrum but not anymore cause it kinda irritated him during his hero work and stuff, he also got an eyebrow piercing after having lian. Dick just has studs cause he has that clean pitch boy look and Jason have a nose ring and a few ear piercings. Roy also has an ear piercings.

anyways I never thought id rant so much about nipple stimulation about grown men but life just takes you to wild places. Love you have a great day MUAh 😘 😘 😘

-🫶

girl. tumblr takes you to wild places. like this blog 🫶🏽 i’m glad u found your way to me bae

mmm instead of pushing you away, jason’s pulling you over the bulge in his pants and tugging at your clothes. more like he’d rush you into the fuck instead of letting you drive him insane because he does end up liking the stimulation to some extent. gets all huffy and antsy for the cat and in turn it drives you away from his pecs and to his cock, which was his intention when he started feeling a little out of control of the situation.

roy harper you pathetic motherfucker. when i get my hands on you. i’d want him to need more stimulation before he can cum just so i can torture his ass yk? and you said he’s gotta walk around shirtless… soooo free use? anyone? but instead of him touching all over you whenever he wants (bc he does that anyway), you get to sit with him while he’s on the couch and kiss all over him whenever you want. or better yet- just straddle him out of no where and nibble at his neck while your hands rub and pinch all over. and i mean until he’s basically fucking up into you through layers of clothes and begging you to get him off. drive that man insane!

“since i’m not a huge fan of him” oh i just fell to my knees nonnie don’t say that to me ever again 😞 it’s ok though bc i’ve got this bit. instead of his nipples his sensitive part is his stomach/abdomen. it isn’t that bad but he probably gets butterflies when you kiss your away down and he loves when you do it before sucking him off <333 trail lipstick and cover him in red kisses, make him look like those slutty models with his collar and tie fucked up yk? probably wants you to take pictures too

mmmmmm eyebrow piercing after lian 🥰🥰🥰 so he’s got the nice facial hair and slightly exhausted look in his eyes??? ugh i love my dilf sm. and i had the same thing in mind for dick, he’s gotta keep the clean preppy pretty boy look for the most part, but i still wanna give him a tongue piercing. something that’s sexy and isn’t obvious unless he’s being a whore about it on purpose 😋 and fuck let’s give jason a smiley or snakebites bc i’ve made it so clear that i’m obsessed with mouth piercings. in all honesty i don’t think he’d have anything other than ear piercings, i think his thing would be tattoos, but let a girl dream

[the-sinful-voice-witch]

The Bi Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown, is time I let them go...

I'm deeply sorry fellow Timstephers... I wanted to be loyal🥲, I really did but in the end... I think Steph deserves better😢 so I must embrace my other options for her because DC actually never let them fully click, at least on Tim's side and honestly this hurts, because despite everything I actually wanted them to work but now I have to accept that maybe the writers just did too much damage 🥺😞, let's start for the beginning👇👇:

I wish her identity was kept secret longer, it would have been more romantic if Tim fell for her not knowing her face and frankly the love triangle/cheating thing with Ariana (his first girlfriend) was so messed up and exhausting to read... I didn't like their first kiss was cheating! 😞 and when they finally got together they had again the stupid problem about Robin's secret identity, (I think somewhere in between there was an issue with another blonde girl, named Greta who tried to hurt Steph and I hated Tim's way of acting 😑 she even kissed him and he didn't react badly despite being with Steph 😠 in fact he smiled and said "chicks dig the cape") then Batman tells her Tim's identity, Tim gets mad then they make up, then she thinks he is cheating on her because a random girl classmate kisses him out of the blue and becomes Robin when he retired, then she dies and... He gave us a dry, tearless and unsatisfying reaction 😒, then not even a year passed (in the comics) he quickly starts having new suitors (writers can't just let him being single), like some girl named Darla, Cassie (another blonde with who he has a double rebound relationship after Superboy's death and Tim expressed a lot of more grief about Superboy, his best friend than the one who was his girlfriend, Stephanie was barely mentioned because they wanted you to forget about her) and then when he had again another civil background character girlfriend named Zoanne BOOM Stephanie comes back to the land of the living... and again... Cheating kiss! 🙄🤦‍♀️🤬 why? Just why? And of course the relationship with the boring civil girl doesn't last but he doesn't get back to Stephanie until he finished his dark emo phase in which he had a relationship with Tam Fox who dumped him because she only liked his Red Robin persona and also has a horny moment with another girl named Lynx while still being attracted to Steph 🙃🙃 What kind of ladies man is this guy?😂 (he also had a thing with jubilee from Marvel in a crossover and... Fucking marries BARBARA GORDON💀💀 in one of Batman's video games, I can't fucking believe there's an universe where Barbara gets to marry Tim but not Steph? Batman beyond doesn't count because is not confirmed the background wife is her and very spiteful I have to mention when Barbara's "death" Happened again he expresses more grief and gives more reaction than when Steph "died" But seriously WTH? In that game Dick is there too why is Tim the one romancing Babs when she is supposed to be even older than the oldest Robin? 💀💀) and finally after Stephanie wins some random tournament they get together again and almost bang but they couldn't because they were all banged up from the fight and I think that was all until the new 52 reboot...

So in the reboot they changed their origins and they met in Harper Row's house, they looked at each other Harper teased him and... They got together out of camera 😑😑 (I hate it when they do that, you skip all the development!) and they gave us this beautiful scene in young Justice

These beautiful moments that we will never get back... I can't believe after this passionate confession of love and everything that happens in these Issues (though to be honest this moment doesn't have as much weight as it would have in the pre reboot because here we didn't see the process of them falling in love) they just separated them like nothing out of the blue in such a tacky VERY tacky and lazy way 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ but before that... Let's talk about the toxic side of their relationship pre new 52 reboot:

Stephanie once told Tim that he was too good for her in anycase when he was having insecurities about her feelings, he once asked her if she would like him even if he wasn't Robin, he was always insecure about their relationship (even thought she wanted him so hard and was so eager and straightfoward on him since he kissed her for the first time) and honestly giving how he treated her... I see so many inconsistencies 😑 or hypocrisy, I always hated how he always put her down and discouraged her from the vigilante life making her feeling she wasn't worthy or good enough (of course under the excuse of good intentions because that life is too dangerous... When he had a normal family and a good life unlike his orphan predecessors and Steph who had a shitty life with a criminal parent and drug addict mother and still demanded to be Robin because that was his dream... And then DC made him conveniently an orphan too to make things easier at the same time they tried to get rid of his girlfriend 🤦‍♀️) when he always felt exactly that way and Batman and other characters had to cheer him up constantly so where did the empathy go? No, seriously🙁 how is it that he is the one comforting her when is Batman the one making her feel that way? What about the times is HE is the one who does it? Feels so hypocritical, he held her back on her potential, I remember reading an issue when he arrogantly said that be a part of the teen Titans is out of her league when she was offered to join and had the entitlement to affirm that she can't speak for herself (and honestly I only saw him be against that because later in young Justice Cassie thought she was joining and was appraised by other members while training, they didn't look down on her but no, she was there only as moral support for Tim) and tried to shut her out a lot of times even in front other characters like Black Canary and Green Arrow's son and in his red Robin period when Bruce was believed death also treated her so bad and demanded her to never be spoiler again, the arrogant prick! I know he was very hurt and sad and what Steph did under Batman's orders was messed up but still to arrogantly demand that? Batman didn't have any right and sure as hell Tim has even less right to take away the Spoiler because is something SHE CREATED without their influence! So dude THE AUDACITY! And again how he called her useless and told her if she was playing dress up when she became Batgirl 🤦‍♀️ yes I know he later apologizes after acknowledging how much better she got at fighting but still... I don't know, all felt shallow. I never liked that she chose to become Robin after she thought he was cheating on her, I saw it as a jerk move but... I can't really blame her for feeling insecure and believe it, after all she became his girlfriend after Tim cheated with her on his first girlfriend and never saw Steph as an equal on that time so... Well I guess all this mess is what helps me to move on them 🤷‍♀️ and now let's talk about the bi disaster... and unfortunately not the good kind:

DC come here, sit with me, we need to talk... Did you hire some kind of... Wattpad fanfic writer by any chance? Because the quality of this pride special... Feels like something you could perfectly find on the lamest part of wattpad 🤦‍♀️, tacky and lazy doesn't even cover up this... and I'm so offended such writing got that amazingly good art 😤😤. So, in the process of making Tim bisexual they had to... Break up his relationship with his girlfriend when they were finally good together without drama after everything they went through for literally NO REASON (seriously there is a real literal dialogue of him explaining to some dude he broke up with his girlfriend someone he LOVES for no reason 🙃🙃) so he could have a relationship with a dude so that he could have a solid proof that he digs in both ways 🙄... This is insulting because in the pre reboot they had a lot of understandable reasons to break up but after the reboot they had a really good relationship of course I didn't like this time they started their relationship out of camera but they still gave us development and a confession I would have loved them to have in the pre reboot but then this shit happened just like that! 🙄🤷‍♀️ So much for be madly in love uh?

You can't just turn that off and then turn it on again on another random person like a switch 🤦‍♀️! Isn't kind of hilarious, people wanted him bi so he could be with Superboy but DC decided to give him instead a background NPC boyfriend created 20 fucking years ago nobody even remembered, yeah sure the guy is not unpleasant but he is so painfully irrelevant just like Ariana or Zoanne (the normal civil ex-girlfriends) but I dare to say at least Ariana provided some "entertaining" drama, exhausting to read nonetheless but still... this random guy was chosen over Superboy Conner Kent! That is literally the only character that could rivalize with Stephanie in story with Tim but noooo Superboy couldn't be Bisexual too... Oh no wait, wait a second... Didn't DC actually made a bi Superboy? Oh dear, let me get this straight (je je "straight", no pun intended 🤪) people wanted Robin Tim bi because they shipped him with Superboy Conner but the ship couldn't be because they couldn't make that Superboy bi but instead they made Bi the other Superboy Jon Kent that shouldn't be in any serious relationship in the first place because he should still be a little kid but they aged him up 🤬🤬 and paired him with another painfully boring boyfriend they think is interesting because is Lois Lane's numer 1 fan🙄🙄 and studies to be a journalist too🙄🙄 because Superman's son had to be in love with a journalist just like him🙄🙄... And he is intangible because we can't have Jon having to worry about his boyfriend being in danger and on top of that has an ugly design, sorry for those who like it but I hate his design... most of the time his hair looks like mushroom style and thick hipster glasses are just not for everyone, Barbara Gordon can pull it this guy can't, I once saw an illustration of him that looked like a pink haired with glasses angry Karen and I just can't unsee it... Seriously he needs another haircut at the very least... Ok back to the Bi Robin...

Ok so it could not be Conner it had to be a civilian, the thing is there was another character they could have used: Cullen Row! The very first appearance he made he stated to be gay and being very interested of in Tim and at the very least he has the minimum importance of being the brother of a known vigilante character, Harper Row. And Cullen and Harper are friends with Steph so I'm sure Cullen would have scolded Tim for how he treated her and pretty sure he would have threatened him to tell his sister to taser his ass if he doesn't make things right with Steph, she didn't deserve to be ghosted! To be treated coldly out of the blue without giving her a reason! Or for a good reason at all. The point is that this was an established gay character interested in Tim and knows the vigilante life, that already make things easier and also is a good excuse to see Harper Row more often even if she gave up vigilante life, it would be nice to see her again but NOOOOO we pull a forgotten character out of nowhere and without development 🙄😑, they shouldn't have slapped us with all this at once in just one pride special, they should have left hints or showing us something in the regular issues, I don't like things happening just because, ok? representation matters but that doesn't mean we have to accept lazy tacky wattpad shit, that's called pandering! why couldn't they take their time to built properly the relationship just like they did with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn? Like I could see the process of Harley and Ivy liking each other, we also saw the process of Steph and Tim liking each other but they never showed us why Tim and Bernard like each other, what does Bernard has that he destroyed Tim's madly love for Steph so easily? Why does it feel that they weren't on the mood to work on the relationship and simply put a text saying "they've been talking to each other again after Tim and Steph broke up" And boom! They are on a date and the whole story turns into a story about Tim's sexuality 🤦‍♀️🤡, that's right his new boyfriend is a character that is nothing more than a walking proof of his bisexuality, literally that is his one and only purpose of existence and Tim went from being: "the Third Robin" "The smartest Robin" "The true perfect Robin" "The best detective that could best Batman" To literally being known as "THE BI ROBIN"🤡🤡, now the only thing that matters about him is that he was dating a girl and now he is dating a boy... (And same with Jon Kent, he is now just the Bi or Gay Superman, ajjj just make him go back to be 10 years old DC, he was more interesting as a kid with Damian) This is just how badly DC handled this in my opinion because I don't remember Batwoman to be known as the Batlesbian and Harley and Ivy are simply Harley and Ivy they aren't the Bisexual Gotham sirens and we all know Constantine is a manwhore who even banged a embodiment of a whole City but people doesn't only know him because of his sexual orientation, these characters just happened to have this sexual orientations but who they fuck isn't what makes them good characters.

And to make things worse and cringe, because yes this can get worse, on top of making Tim treat Stephanie so badly just because, they denigrated her by not allowing her to feel like a normal human being with feelings who was dumped for no reason, ghosted without a reason and easily forgotten by someone she considered her first true love would feel, you know... Sad, dejected, hurt, angry... Nope. Some idiot thought that she could only do that if she was replaced by other girl but if she is replaced by a boy she has to be nothing but a cringy supportive fangirl ex- girlfriend 🤡🤦‍♀️, that's right Tim decided that the most "sensitive and thoughtful" thing to do with the person he dumped out of the blue for nothing, and ghosted for nothing and tried to ignore her and avoid in her face when she finally confronted him until his friends forced him to behave like a minimum decent person and TALK to her was... Introduce her to his new boyfriend WITHOUT ASKING HER OR EVEN WARNING HER 🤬🤬🤬

and the result was the absolutely cringy shitty wattpad reaction of her hugging Bernard saying "i finally get to meet you, this is the best day ever"💀💀💀💀 excuse me? The best day ever for her is the day she meets her ex's new boyfriend? After everything Tim put her through? Can someone explain to me the need of this? The need to denigrate and ridiculize Stephanie Brown? Hasn't this character suffered enough humiliation?😡😡You know Tim? Superboy at least told Cassie that she deserved a better first love than him and you see I think he never was as bad as you were to Stephanie... 😒😒 in fact I can't simply not understand the incoherence of their conversation... He literally told her: "my feelings for you, I never lied about that you were always what I wanted and more" "It wasn't about your gender, I don't like only girls" (Then he introduces her his brand new boyfriend 🤪) You were madly in love with her, she was what you wanted and more... THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DUMP HER?? THERE'S NO ACCEPTABLE EXPLANATION OF THAT!!! They just said he was on a journey to discover himself phase or some shit bad executioned idea but dude even if discovering you are Bi was part of it that doesn't mean you had to end your relationship... 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️, he later tells to Connor Hawke who is also struggling because he doesn't know how to tell Green Arrow that he is not interested in banging anyone ever (he came out as asexual) that Stephanie was a reminder of his old self that he wanted to let go, suuuuure nice try to make up for a good excuse to be an asshole with her🙄😒.

You know what's funny? I think Steph is bisexual too and I'm not saying this because of her relationship with Cassandra, I'm saying this because when she was talking with Harper Row about Catwoman she was thirsting over Selina's buttonless shirt and later when she was dating Tim she met Zatanna and the first thing she said was "wow you're hot" 😂😂😂 and THAT, simply as it is... Is literally the only proof I need of her being bi, I didn't need her to break up with her boyfriend to be with Cass or Harper (hey, they kissed in that failed show Gotham knights) to believe it, you just need to show interest in both genders 🤷‍♀️, use flirt, use blushing, use a comment mentioning it... You don't need to destroy a relationship!! 🙄🙄🙄 but what is done is done, I'm so tired of Timsteph, I give up I'm sorry fellow shippers I really I'm but this treatment to Stephanie's character is my limit. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH 🥲🥲

And I apologize for this long long long rant but I needed it to get out of my system 🥲🥲 well, like I said Tim wants to stay with his walking Bisexuality proof NPC boyfriend PERFECT, but I need a compensation and I don't want Steph to have nothing to do with that Kyle Mizoguchi, he is as irrelevant and boring to me as Bernard and Jay Nakamura 🥱🥱🥱 I want a proper compensation so I want Steph and Jason Todd to have a slow cooked Romance. Yep you heard me, I demand JAYSTEPH as a compensation for all this mess!!

And of course I plan to make a thoroughly long post like this about why I want Jaysteph to have a chance and with nothing more to say, Bye bye and thanks for reading my post 😘😘😘

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

Wouldn't trade this for the world

wowee I wrote something 😍😍

Tsym @amorvincitomnia-14 (my lovely wife 💕💕💕) for the request

gn!reader x r!Leo

1,033 words (ik its not a lot, but its good and I like it so suck an egg)

Reader is stressed and overworked so Leo decides to help

No particular warnings, just some fluff <33

"Argh! I *have* the right formula, *why* aren't I getting they right answer??" You groan in frustration. You were on your fourth hour studying- or was it your sixth? Either way, you'd been here a while. The school library was almost becoming a second home to you. Your friend April speaks up, watching as you slump against the table and bury your face in your arms. "Yknow, you don't have to spend *all* your time studying- you could..... Take a break? Eat something? Spend time with people other than your study group and these ancient textbooks? Yknow, normal healthy people stuff?" You sigh, looking up at her from your arms. "I can't take a break. Not with exams right around the corner! If I wanna pass them, I *have* to study." You turn your attention back to the textbook, determined to figure out how to solve this equation. April closes the book. "Your brain can't work under all this stress Y/N. You *need* to rest. Why dont you stop by the lair? Leo won't stop whining about how much he misses you." Hmmmm.... It *had* been a while since you saw your boyfriend- or any of the turtles for that matter. Maybe a break would serve some use... "I'll think about it" you say, reopening the thick heavy book to the right page. April sighs, shaking her head as she grabs her backpack. "Alright then Y/N. See you around." With that, she exits the library. Now its just you, your notes, and a whole lotta studying.

˚⊹♡2 hours later♡⊹˚

God how long have you been here? You're starting to despise that familiar library smell of books and old lady perfume. You look at your phone to check the time. 10:13?? Damn..... You've been here a while.... You set your phone down and lean back in your wildly uncomfortable plastic school chair, exhaling a breath. You should probably go home. You load all your books and notes into your backpack and sling it over one shoulder, before immediately switching it to the other side. Thank you shoulder pain. You slide your phone into your pocket and exit the library out the back. As you step outside, cool air, a nice contrast to the hot stuffy library, hits you in the face as you stand and take a breath. Starting your commute back to your apartment, you put your headphones on and turn on some music. By the time you finally reach home, exhaustion clings to you like a thick heavy cloud. Man, you've been working a lot haven't you? Your phone pings with a text message from Leo; with all the studying, you've barely spent time with him. 💙Leo💙: 'Mi amor, I miss you 😢 Would you be up to hang out?' On one hand, you would *absolutely* like to spend time with him! But on the other, youre exhausted and overworked and just need a nap. You: 'I'm sorry babe 😟 I've been studying for exams all day and I'm just really tired 😞 I promise we'll spend time together at some point though' You send the text, knowing you're about to disappoint the nicest boy in the entire world; but you you're too tired to care. You change into something comfy; sweatpants and a t-shirt you "borrowed" from Leon; and head to the kitchen to get a glass of water. You return to your room, setting the water on your nightstand before climbing into bed and switching off the lamp. You get to sleep for some 30 odd minutes before you're awoken by a knock on your window. You sit up and turn on the light, your eyes taking a moment to adjust to the light. Looking at the window, you see none other than the one and only Neon Leon standing on the fire escape outside your window, waiting to be let in. Somewhat reluctantly, you pull yourself out of the soft warm embrace of bed and blankets to open the window, chilly air blowing in and pricking goosebumps on your arms. "Is that my SIX shirt? Ive been looking everywhere for that" Leo asks as he climbs in, bringing a plastic grocery bag in with him. "Thought I told you I was too tired to hang out" you say as you shut the window. "Youre dodging the question" he teases; "And I figured if youre too tired to come and spend time with yours truly, id come and be tired with you." He smiles at you, setting the bag on the bed and digging through it. "I got your favorite snacks, candies, that tea you like, and I even nabbed Donnie's laptop so we can watch something! And if you're not up for watching a movie, we can just sleep together. Well not *sleep together* sleep together- like- snuggling and napping together- yknow?" You can help but chuckle at him. He's such a dorky loser; but at least he's *your* dorky loser. You hug him, burying your fave in his neck to take in that familiar scent of peppermint sticks and black cherry merlot soap. "You're so amazing," you say, kissing his cheek and stepping back to look at him; "And it is your shirt" You smile cheekily as he scunches his nose and squints at you. "Why you little- that's my favorite shirt!" He says in faux outrage, bringing in the dramatics (something he's rather good at). "Thats why I took it. You wear it the most, so it smells like you" Leo can't help but blush. "You like my smell?" "Course I do. Makes me feel like I'm with you, even when I'm not." He wraps you in a hug, planting a sweet kiss to your lips. "Well I'm here now mi amor"

˚⊹♡-♡⊹˚

The rest of the night is spent lying in bed with Leo, sipping raspberry tea, and watching the Great British Bake Off. You eventually end up falling asleep cuddled up next to him with his arm wrapped around you, holding you close in a warm embrace and god were you lucky to have a boyfriend like him. As you lay sleeping next to him, you know you wouldn't trade this for the world.

❀⋆˚✿˖°˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .-. ° . ᡣ𐭩 °˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚ ₊‧⁺˖°˖✿˚⋆❀

[pony-central]

Winter Lovers - An SMG4 and SMG3 Story (Long Post)

Summary - Eight years ago, the Meme Guardians, SMG4 and SMG3, were both trapped in a cold home, where they went Cuckoo Crazy. Eight years later, they both get a faint memory of the incident.

It was a calm day at the SMG4 Castle. SMG4 was busy working on his latest video, when he had received a quick email from his friend, Mario.

SMG4: Oh, my God. Did Mario seriously send me another email? If it's anything like last time with the love email, then I won't bother with it.

He had recalled what happened last time when Mario had gotten the Love Letter virus, and had sent love letters to all of his contacts. SMG4, shivering in squick at that past email, opened the new one. And, to his surprise, it was an invite.

"Dear SMG4. Mario wishes to send you somewhere from your past. Hope you don't end up trapped again. From, your best friend Mario."

SMG4 was surprised at this sudden invite. He then smiled and packed his things. He thought he was going somewhere nice and cool.

SMG4: HOLY CRAP! Mario sent me an invite. He must know me so well. *sighs* I wonder where I'm off to. Ooh! Maybe it's somewhere like Hollywood, or the Bahamas. Ooh, or maybe Brazil. 😊

He ran out of his room with a suitcase and headed to where the Taxi was. The taxi then drove him off on a long drive to the unknown location.

At the Café, SMG3 was sending out people's orders. The café wasn't that busy, there were only three customers who all ordered lots of coffee. SMG3 was exhausted from sending out coffee. Eggdog barked to get his attention, for the puppy wanted beans.

SMG3: Aww, Eggdog. Business is kind of going slow, eh, little buddy? But, don't you worry about it. Soon we will be filthy rich, and -

His phone bleeped. There was an email for him, too. SMG3 sighed in annoyance as he opened the emails up. It was from Mario.

SMG3: *sighs* Mario, I swear to God, if it's that video of spaghetti being made, you're gonna get it! 😞

SMG3's eyes opened wide as he read the email twice over. It was the same email Mario had sent SMG4, just with SMG3's name instead.

SMG3: *gasps* A free vacation?! Oh, my God, I love vacations! I'll get ready right away. Eggdog, you're in charge while I'm gone. Love you. 🥰

He gave Eggdog a kiss on the forehead and left the café with two bags of luggage. He was smiling from ear to ear, as he put on a pair of sunglasses, expecting to be somewhere warm and cosy.

Back with SMG4, the blue Meme Guardian was wondering where he was going. He noticed it was getting a bit on the cloudy side.

SMG4: Oh, ha ha. Looks like a thunderstorm is approaching. Ha ha. OK, I don't think we're gonna experience sunny skies for the entire week, eh? So, where AM I going for my holiday? Hawaii? Japan? Thailand? Pee Pee Island? 🤩

Swag: We're not going to any of those places.

SMG4: Oh. Then... Where AM I off to? 🤨

Swag: You are going to the Arctic. Hope you have a coat with you.

SMG4: The Arctic? But, that's impossible. Mario said I was going on holiday. 🤨

Swag: You ARE on a holiday... To the Arctic. You might need a coat, or a scarf. It'll be a long while before we get there. 😊

SMG4: OK? But, if I'm off to the Arctic, then where can I go for a bathroom break? 😟

Swag: That won't be a problem.

SMG4: *sighs in frustration* GODDAMMIT, Mario! 😞

SMG3 was in his own taxi, wondering if he was going somewhere nicer. He was relaxing in the back of the taxi cab.

SMG3: Huh. Now I'm wondering where I'm off to. A beach? Scotland? Ooh, maybe somewhere more fancy. 😊

Chris: You're off to the Arctic.

SMG3: WHAT?! But, the Arctic is so cold! How the fuck am I supposed to stay warm if I'm in a cold climate?! 😡

Chris: Wear a coat and scarf. 😊

SMG3: Ugh, typical Mario, sending me somewhere I'm gonna die. 😒

Once both taxis arrived at the Arctic, the Meme Guardians stumbled out of the cars. SMG3 was still in a fussy mood, and SMG4 was green in the face. There were a lot of speedbumps on the way there.

SMG3: Ohhh, why is it so c - c - c - COLD here? I'm freezing! 😫

SMG4: Ugh, that trip was awful. I feel sick. 🤢

SMG3: Whuh - SMG4? Is that you? 🤨

SMG4: S - SMG3? What are you doing here? 😟

SMG3: That's what I wanted to ask you. Why are you here, and... Why am I here as well? 😟

SMG3 then noticed that SMG4 didn't feel so good. The blue Meme Guardian was about to be sick, and that worried the purple Meme Guardian.

SMG3: Oh, man. You OK? 😟

SMG4: No... I feel like I'm gonna throw up. *gag* Too many speedbumps in the road. 🤢

SMG3 sighed. He then shook on the spot, he was freezing.

SMG3: I think it's best if we find some shelter. I'm getting colder by the minute. 🥶

SMG4: Good *gag* Idea. I could use some shelter. 🤢🥶

They both set off to find some shelter. SMG3 looked down and noticed that SMG4 was holding his right hand with his left one, and covering his mouth with his right hand.

SMG3: *mind* Man, SMG4 looks terrible. I should probably assist him while he throws up.

They both looked everywhere, but the couldn't find anywhere warm enough to sleep in.

SMG3: You feeling OK now? 🤨

SMG4: No... *gagging* Oh, God. It's gonna come up! 🤢😖

SMG3: Oh, shit! Don't worry, buddy. I'll be sure to get you somewhere. I promise.

SMG4 smiled a weak smile. They both saw a shadow that looked like an igloo of some sort. SMG4 blushed a bit, remembering the last time he was in an igloo with SMG3, one of his friends.

SMG3: You can't be fucking serious. Is that literally the ONLY shelter in the whole Arctic?! DAMMIT! 😡

SMG4: *gag* I'm gonna throw up, SMG3. 🤢

SMG3: *sighs* Just... I dunno, throw up somewhere in that igloo. I dunno. 🤨

SMG4: What? But, you remember what happened last time, right? 😰

SMG3: Just go ahead. We're, like, ten feet away from it. I'll wait for you until you're done.

SMG4: OK, if you insist.

He stumbled over to the igloo. He opened the door, where he noticed a TV and a toilet. He was relieved to have found a place to throw up. So, he did just that.

SMG4: *ducks over the toilet bowl and retches* Ugh. That feels so much better... OK, I best get out now.

The blue Meme Guardian walked over to the door and turned the doorknob. But, to his sudden alarm, the door was locked. He struggled to get it open, but it was locked from the outside. He heard Mario's laughter from outside, knowing the red plumber was the only one who had a key.

SMG4: What the? MARIO, LET ME OUT OF HERE! 😫

Mario: Mario's not gonna let you out until SMG3 is in there. Sorry. 😊

SMG4: *face-palm* Ohhh, GODDAMMIT! 😫

SMG3 was waiting for SMG4 to be finished in the igloo. When he noticed something was wrong, he walked up to the igloo.

SMG3: Huh. Wonder what's taking him so long. Huh.

He was then shoved into the igloo by Mario.

SMG3: WHAT THE - MARIO!!! 😠

Mario: Mario wants you guys to stay here and relive the incident from eight years ago. You're welcome. 😊

The Meme Guardians were both shocked. SMG4 could only blush, and SMG3 wasn't happy.

To be Continued...

[lesbesapphic]

Sooo yea I'm not doing the best right now😣 I'm mostly bedridden, and not cuz I'm tired or lazy I just don't have the mental energy to step out of bed and do anything and it sucks😞 soooo idk i you have time or anything but it'll be cool if you can write maybe a dabble of a reader that just doesn't want anything anymore? I just need some cheering up I don't really mind if it Natasha orrr Wanda from any AU really🥺 (kinda messy ask but eh)

👻

Heyy! I totally understand how you feel. I don't have motivation to do anything either these days. College is killing me. Yet i have to get up every morning for it and next week (Monday) is my birthday, I don't even feel motivated for that.

I hope you feel better soon. If not you can always talk to me. I hope this little drabble of Gold Rush makes you feel better. I wrote it the moment i got back from college instead of taking a nap but it is worth it if you feel better. Take care.

PS- I hope the app thing works out for you. Do try it.

Tired

Gold rush au

Warning - tired reader, fluffy.

You groaned and turned to your side, hiding your face in the pillow when Natasha pulled the curtain back to let the sunlight in. You don't know her obsession with sunlight and waking up early but you assumed it came with age and responsibilities.

Yes you were going to call her old.

You felt someone laying down next to you and from the sweet fragrance, you can tell it was Wanda, freshly out of the shower. You moved closer to her and draped your arm on her only to pull back immediately at the coldness, "What?" Wanda laughed out.

"You are cold." You answered, your voice muffled as you face was buried in the pillow to avoid the bright light. Why did the sun decide to shine so bright?

"Which you should be as well once you decide to shower." Natasha butted in and you head clinking of dishes next to you on the side table, assuming it is the breakfast.

"I dont wanna.." You replied and hummed in content when Wanda started running her fingers through your hair, gently working her way to the ends.

These days you weren't feeling productive at all. Wanda and Natasha both had noticed this, at first they didn't intervene to give you your own space and hoping you would get back on track and just needed someone rest but now things have piled up and you were even more exhausted just by thinking about all this. Wanda nodded slowly at Natasha and watched as Natasha gently helped you up.

You resisted at first then let her had her way knowing they wouldn't let you go without eating your breakfast, "Come on, let's have breakfast." Natasha said as she placed the small foldable table on the bed, placing the plate of pancakes on it as well as Wanda's black coffee, "Thank you." Wanda moved forward when Natasha leaned in to place a kiss on her lips before placing one on your forehead. You couldn't help but give a light smile.

"Not feeling good again?" Natasha asked you as she took a sip of her own coffee, watching as you slowly cut your pancakes before Wanda decided to do the job for you which you were more than grateful for. You just didn't feel like doing anything and there was so much to do.

You nodded slowly at Natasha's question and took a bite of your pancakes, they were amazing, you wanted to tell her this but didn't even feel like talking in that moment. You watched as Wanda and Natasha exchanged a look before Natasha nodded at her.

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you? Natasha asked and you let out a sigh of frustration at your situation before deciding to speak up, "That's the thing. Nothing was or is bothering me. I just felt too tired to do anything and now everything is piling up and it is making even more tired to think about it.", You answered and could even feel yourself tearing up in frustration.

Wanda sensed the sudden mood change and instantly wrapped her arm around you and you laid your head on her shoulder, slowly sniffling back your tears. You felt pathetic like this. "It's fine, Sugar. It happens. Even Wanda and I had and have these days when we were in college and even now." Natasha spoke up and you nodded listening to her, atleast it reassured you that they understood how you felt. Related to it.

"Wanda even more often than me." Natasha added and you chuckled when Wanda threw a pillow at her head, giving her a fierce look yet playful look.

"Ouch!"

"Don't listen to your Mommy. She is getting old and with old age comes the forgetfulness." Wanda turned your head toward hers as she started speaking, ignoring Natasha who was giving her a pitiful look. "You know, Natasha had such days so often in college that I used to literally look after her. You know how she gets when she is in her koala mode?" Wanda questioned and you nodded slowly, often seeing Natasha clinging to Wanda or sometimes you.

"Hey! That's not koala mode. I just get tired." Natasha argued and Wanda gave a big smile as she motioned to Natasha when she used the word tired. "See, it happens. It is natural to feel like this."

"Natasha, more coffee, please?" Wanda held out her mug and Natasha shook her head, "After the pillow you thre-" Natasha's eyes comically widen when she saw Wanda picking up another pillow and you only laughed at their antiques.

"Threw at me, I am gonna get you all the coffee in the world, Your highness." Natasha quickly took the mug and did a mocking bow, making even Wanda laugh. "I will be back in a few." Natasha leaned in and kissed your forehead again before leaving. Not before Wanda called for pancakes for herself as well.

"Yeah so where was I?"

"It is natural.." You whispered, your mood sulking down again at the reminder of everything you have to do in the back of your mind. "Yep. You know how i helped Natasha deal with it?" Wanda asked and you understood why she send Natasha away knowing she might not enjoy the conversation that showed her in such light. She always prefer to be the strong one, being there for you.

"How?" You asked, opening your mouth when Wanda fed you pancakes, occasionally eating a bite herself.

"First, we stop thinking about everything we have to do at once and focus on the present." Wanda tapped your forehead before picking up your phone and downloading something.

"Now we make a planner for the day. Do you have any deadlines near?" She asked as she opened the app, you watched her fingers glide over the screen, it distracted you a little before you focused again.

"I have an assignment next week. I have to start making summarised notes for each lecture i attended last week." You started listing the stuff you had to do and Wanda continued to typed in the app. Before holding it out to you once you were done.

"See for today, first thing you have to do is take a shower, then get ready for the day, ask your friends to send you the notes, outline the assignment, summarised one lecture and research on the selected topics of the assignment.." Wanda pointed out and you noticed how she had broke down the tasks into mini check list and you could already feel the mess much more sorted out. The work that you had been dreading seemed much more easier and manageable.

"See you already had breakfast so you can check it out." Wanda held the last bite of pancakes to your lips and you finished it before checking the box, you already felt like you were in control as you finished one of the task. Now you just had to shower and text your friends, and two of the tasks would already be done. You could feel lighter already.

"This is perfect! Thank you so much, Wanda." You moved forward and embraced her in a tight hug which she wholeheartedly returned, rubbing your back, enjoying the warm embrace, "And at any point if it gets overwhelming, you could always use the special feature on this."

"What's that?" You asked pulling back to look at her, the smile still evident on your face.

"Call us." Natasha answered from the doorway and you turned to look at her, smiling when she made her way toward you both, handing Wanda her mug and pancakes. "You can call us any time throughout the day, kitten."

"Thank you so much. Both of you." You kissed both of them on the cheek before getting out of the bed, "Always, Sweetheart." Wanda squeezed your hand before letting go. "Now go shower while I deal with the your highness." Natasha playfully slapped your butt to send you away and you laughed when Wanda's scoffed and whine when Natasha took her pancakes away only to attack her with the pillow.

"Y/N! Save me!" Wanda cried out in surprise and you instantly jumped back on the bed, shower could wait now that you have everything sorted out.

[vtforpedro]

long life update - TWs in tags

It feels like it's been ages. I'm so exhausted and in a lot of physical pain. Going on two months of it being the worst it's been right after a couple of months of the best it's been. Chronic pain + grief + trying to get help from doctors who should have their licenses revoked + dealing with a shit relationship with my mom + a good, decades-long friendship ending + the ongoing disability process with the SSA + LAW FIRMS.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't remember if I updated that the appeals council decided not to review my case because the 'judge followed the law' except that he didn't. So, as it turns out, my original attorney (and he did not tell me this) before he left, wrote that if they denied me, it should go to federal district court.

I'm now working with a NY law firm to take my case to federal court because my current law firm believes it has merit, and I guess they do, too. That's how fucked the decision was, and I'm glad my initial reaction of bewilderment and anger was spot on lol

The good news is, it should only take another year! ._.

My neurologist is the worst doctor I have ever come across and I'm quite literally stuck with him with nowhere else to go. I wish him upon no one. I'm so tired of calling the SSA, getting documents to them, signing things for law firms, contacting law firms, getting no responses, and contacting them all over and over again. I am in incredible physical pain, like this actively makes my neuro stuff worse. Everything makes it worse. I have autonomic testing in a few days, and idk if I'll get through it b/c I have to stop the meds that keep me out of the ER two days prior, and it scares me.

My relationship with my mom is fractured and I don't feel like family therapy is actually helping. I had to end a friendship with someone I love and care very much about but who was growing too comfortable mistreating me and I was giving them too many passes 😞 I've known them for the better part of two decades.

It's been over seven months since my cat Isis died. I don't know how. It feels like she was here just yesterday. Yet, all the nights I've sat and talked to her and wept are all too real. I miss her more than I can say. She was my soul cat. I keep thinking about tomorrow and how she'd be so nosy getting into EVERYthing when gifts are opened at Christmas. Having to stop her, move her, laugh because she was just so n o s y and it was hilarious. And she's not gonna be here for that ever again.

I'm having a really fucking hard time tonight. It's just hitting me how god-awful this year has been and how I have a bad week to look forward to before even getting to the new year lmao I have to stop taking so many of my medications 48hrs before 1.5-2hrs of testing to see if we can find out Yet Another Thing Wrong With Me but knowing my luck it'll be 'no findings' and the mystery of why my core body temp plummets to 93.9 in the blink of an eye won't be solved until I have suffered juuuuust enough.

It never ends. Never. I want to give up. I'm so tired of doing this. I don't want to anymore. It never. fucking. ends.

I absolutely cannot say it's all been bad, though. I've met incredible, warm, welcoming, giving, kind people this year. Y'all have helped me more than you know and I'm so so so lucky to be able to call you my friends. This year has sucked for so many of us, but I want to say I'm proud of you, and I love you all very much.

My fic is gonna be printed in a hardcover zine early next year. I participated in a Big Bang for the first time and that'll also go out early next year. I'm hosting a tiny event in my tiny fandom server that I'm super excited about. I have a raffle prize to write (bagginshield !!!! SO EXCITED to revisit the og otp) and a Valentine's gift to write for another fandom.

I posted 401,000 words this year and wrote many more unfinished wips, plus a long one (90k) that I am very invested in finishing.

I painted and drew so much this year. I improved a lot, too! I got a couple of portraits printed from inprnt to see how they looked, and it was MY art, and they were GORGEOUS. I thought I would hate seeing my art professionally printed, but no! I almost cried. They looked so lovely.

My cat Lilly had health issues almost immediately following Isis's passing, but she is doing so well right now. She's blossomed into another cat, and while she's not my constant companion, she is with me so much more than she used to be. When she walks onto my desk I am to stop everything and hold her like baby in my arms until she decides that's enough (or I really need to move) lmaaao she's such a goober. My heart cat. <3

I'm not doing well right now--my MH is bad. Especially tonight. But it felt good to write the good things.

I'm sorry for my lack of replies and kinda disappearing. I'm running on fumes. I hope next year will bring physical relief so emotional relief can happen.

For those of you facing difficulties of any kind, I am holding your hand in spirit.

[rinadragomir]

Hi, I know you're taking a break from the fandom rn, but feel free to answer this ask whenever it suits you (no negativity I promise!)

I finished COT, and I felt like it gave off different vibes from other books (not just COG or COI - CC's books in general). I feel like it was darker in the beginning, what with James being sullen and Matthew being withdrawn and Cordelia being exhausted. And the part with London being all dark and silent and lonely and the Watchers going around - that kind of aura, I don't think anything like that was prevalent in other books.

I was just wondering what you thought about that? Did it feel kinda different from the usual too? The tone of the book, especially in the beginning, seemed to give off despair and used hope, though that could be due to James' gloom and all the miscommunication and cracked relationships-

What are your thoughts on the vibe of COT, especially compared with the other books in the series and in general?

HIYA! Oh it's alright ~ for you I'm always available🤗

Yeah the first half was really dark. Golden trio was in their Twilight New Moon Era

You're absolutely right about James's perspective but I'd also add Cordelia's. Everything seemed really dark through their eyes till chapter 23, I haven't felt this level of depression and hopelessness for a long time.

Oh oh I should mention that I absolutely loved the "Dark London" part with everyone losing their minds. Downworlders clapping for so long their hands start bleeding, mothers singing lullabies to empty prams😳

Yes, I certainly feel the same about the different vibe. Some of the chot scenes seemed more.... mature? comparing to her other books. The way the whole Matthew's alcoholism situation was handled, Grace's regrets, Cordelia's depression, Thomas trying to find the healthiest ways to build his relationship with Alastair, Charles's fears and lack of confidence in himself and everything around, James and Matthew's moments in Edom. The way it was written feels different, but I like this particular change.

And for some reason this book feels shorter than the first 2. Maybe it's because my personal favs had less pages than something else, but it's just me. (Arianna deserved as many pages as Thomastair, MAYBE EVEN MORE I SAID WHAT I SAID). And maybe since I'm reading pretty fast, especially when it comes to Cassie's books, I can finish this whole book in a day. I'll be completely satisfied the day Cassie's books have around 1200 pages ☝🏻or more😡

So, about the "mature" part. Years pass, Cassie's audience grows and I'm really happy that her books sorta "grow" with us? Dude idk why thinking in English is so hard😞 if it was a Russian platform, I'd slay😤So! Cassie added mature topics before, some of the TMI moments were really dark, but the way these topics are written/handled is just getting better. My personal opinion is that TLH characters just feel more real than others and this is the result of Cassie developing her writing. I feel like she's still in the process of trying new things/ways to describe and create sth. And this is why the books have a different vibe.

It can be confusing sometimes, but I'm actually glad these changes happen. I understand that writing one series for decades can be exhausting and I know Cassie has big plans for the additional TLH content, TWP and stuff, but I was so afraid one day she can just give up on it (+ all the hate she received after chot release 😒). So knowing that she's still trying new things gives me hope cause it means she's still invested in this series. So I'm really looking forward to her future TSC project👀+ I'm continuing sending her nice asks

I'd write more, but I wanna eat and I'm lazy☺️

[astranne]

I saw your dragon!zhongli and foul legacy!Childe and i just couldnt resist.

For starters, i headcanon Zhongli having subtle dragon features in his mortal disguise, like the subtle dragon-like eyes, maybe slightly longer nails? Perhaps his teeth are bit bigger than usual? Sharper maybe?? Scales for freckles I'd trip and fall for him.

Maybe he still retains his dragon tendencies because damn human customs are so weird. Instead of him going dates he just gives you really expensive books and ancient texts and rocks from when he found them during the archon war. I saw somewhere that he would rattle his scales, imagine him rattling his scales at someone he doesn't like, or he just narrow his eyes and subtly hisses, flex his very much "human" claws to hold himself back.

Okay now Foul Legacy!Childe

GOD I CAN TALK ABOUT HIM FOREVER AHHH

His og human form? I know for a fact he has Abyss Markings somewhere on him. Most likely lining his ribs because thats where his chestplate is. I, am a personal believer in Childe covered in scars, but mostly from his Delusion and Foul Legacy 🛐

His starry cape definitely radiates some heat, it can probably get really hot. I can also see his mask-jaw thing? Being seperable, like sharp jaws that kinda make a grating sound everytime he opens his jaws. Purely for self indulgence it probably steams out too purely from him exerting himself too much. Since I see people say he purrs a lot i cant see that? More of a really deep growl, like low rumble that you cant hear but feel almost. His eye? His starry little cyclops eye? He's nearsighted with that. Just because you cant see a real pupil out of that thing. And since hes so broad chested i like to think too much movements can/will get him exhausted quickly.

Just the physical drawbacks on Foul Legacy afflicting Childe gets my mind running a thousand miles, but till i can write romantic relationship brainrot thats all for now. 😞

-🪶

ISDBDKDNA- FISCHL ANON BLESSING ME AGAIN <33

as always, more under the cut hehe

yes just yes. dragon!zhongli in general is just chefkiss, but him having dragon features in his human form??? please, i'm on my knees- and childe too

not just dragon features, but darkened fingers/hands and his arms this glowing yellow?? gold whatever the color is, yk the one in many fanarts. the reason why he never shows any skin. just.... aaahhhh-

AND OMFG- zhongli not understanding human social rules/understanding humans in general is just.... wholesome?? not only because he's an adepti, but because he's a dragon too. it's not in his nature and just- him freaking people out because he acts more like a dragon than a human. we love.

OMG JUST YES TO EVERYTHING ABOUT FOUL LEGACY CHILDE-

he is one feral big thing and it shows!! i actually headcanon that,,, the more he transforms, which he does with time, he acts more and more like foul legacy, just,,, a bit more bloodthirsty, quicker to act, quicker to anger etc. not to mention he's stronger and faster in his human form and i actually think he prefers to fight in his human form since he can keep the speed. while foul legacy is still fast, everything goes rather into strength.

also... foul legacy acting all confused and bumping into walls because he can't see PLEASE- another reason why childe prefers his human form.

AND THE MARKINGS- maybe he has smth similar like tattoos, orrr like zhongli darkened limbs?? there are so many possibilities and i just- hhhhhh-

THANK YOU SM FOR SENDING THIS BRAINROT I HAD A BLAST AND ANOTHER GREAT IDEA- should i drop some spoiler 👀

[dragondemoness]

Emotionless or stoic reader who's texts like an airhead but only they're s/o can understand them with Ibuki, Mahiru, Mikan, Kyoko, Peko, Miu and Akane

I knew this was coming 😆

Unfortunately, I ran out of 3:00 AM texts, so I couldn't do Akane. Maybe in a future part

Also I had way too much fun writing this, but putting this on Tumblr was a pain in the ass

Sorry if the text conversations look screwy

Emotionless Reader Who Texts Like a Crackhead Airhead With Ibuki, Mahiru, Mikan, Kyoko, Peko and Miu

Ibuki Mioda 

Oh she's 100% the same way

Except she's an airhead through and through

When she first met you, she thought you were really cool and really wanted to be your friend

Her energy complimented your stoic demeanor really well

And come to find out, you were more alike than she thought

But only on the phone

She loves that you text like an airheaded teenager who's probably on a sugar rush

She will appreciate your energy and match it tenfold

You: HEY IBUKI🥰🥰🥰

Ibuki🎸: HEY BABYCAKES🥰🥰🥰

You: I LOVE YOU ❤️💕❤️💗💗 

Ibuki🎸: I LOVE YOU TOOOOOO💗💗💗💗

You: CAN I COME OVER

Ibuki🎸: HELL YEAH GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE

You: OMW

Especially when you send her random texts at 3:00 AM

Nobody will appreciate it like Ibuki does

You: HEYYYYY IBUKIIIII🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 

Ibuki🎸: YOOOOOO (Name) WASSUP🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

You: SHEET MUSIC IS JUST A SOUND RECIPE

Ibuki🎸: HELL YEAH IT IS

You: WOOOOOO

Ibuki🎸: DID YOU KNOW THAT BARCODES SCAN THE WHITE SPACES, NOT THE BLACK ONES

You: WHAT

You: NO WAY

You: MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE

Ibuki🎸: SAME

Ibuki definitely appreciates your texting energy more than anyone

You're both a mess, but she loves you to death

Mahiru Koizumi 

She is kind of exhausted by you sometimes

When she first met you, she thought you were really interesting

She wanted to get to know you, and help you try to get to know the others

You were a little shy with talking in person, but she didn't mind at all

Oh, but you were only shy in person

While on the phone... You very much weren't

You: MAHIRUUUUU🥰🥰🥰🥰

Mahiru📷: (Name)?

Mahiru📷: Did someone steal your phone??

You: Nope! This is just how I text!😜

Mahiru📷: Oh, okay

You: Can I come over???!!!!🥺🥺🥺🥺 

Mahiru📷: Not now, I'm taking pictures

You: So what, your pictures are more important than meeee?!!?!? 😭😭😭😭

Mahiru📷: (Name)...

You: PLEEEAAASSSEEEEEEE

Mahiru📷: Fine

You: YAYYYYYYYYY

You: I LOVE YOU MAHIRU

Mahiru📷: Love you too

Your random crackhead texts are exhausting and sometimes irritating, but at least she can understand them somehow

But if you text her at 3:00 AM, she will not give you the time of day

You: HEY

You: HEY

You: MAHIRU

You: HEY

You: VOLLEYBALL IS JUST HARDCORE HOT POTATO

You: WE HAVE MORE ANCESTORS THAN OUR ANCESTORS

You: FIREFLY IS THE OPPOSITE OF WATERFALL

You: IS ORANGE NAMED AFTER THE FRUIT OR THE COLOR

Mahiru📷: (Name), I love you, but it's 3:00 AM

Mahiru📷: GO. TO. SLEEP.

It's hard to keep up with you sometimes, but Mahiru still loves you

Mikan Tsumiki 

She found your stoic demeanor to be kind of intimidating at first

She didn't mind it, but she wished she could tell what you were thinking

But you were kind of shy about talking to others, so you spent more time with her

Which she loved more than anything

She was shocked and a little concerned about how energetic you were over text

You kind of reminded her of Ibuki

But she grew to love it more than anything

You: MIKIIIIIII😍😍😍

Mikan🩹: Yes, my dear?

You: I love youuuuuu!!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Mikan🩹: I love you too! 😍🥰💗

You: Can I come over????????😜😜😜😜

Mikan🩹: Well, I'm doing nurse work right now...

You: Awwww😞😞😞😢

Mikan🩹: Please don't be sad! You can come and see me if you want to!

You: YAYYYY I'M ON MY WAY

Mikan🩹: Yay!☺️

She absolutely adores you

Even when you text her at 3:00 AM, she'll stay up with you as long as you want

You: Mikiiiiii🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Mikan🩹: (Name)? It's 3:00 AM... Is something wrong?

You: Nope! I just wanna text my baby❤️❤️❤️

Mikan🩹: Aww! Okay, I can stay up a little longer🥰

You: Yayyyyy😃☺️🥰

Mikan🩹: So, what did you want to talk about?

You: Y'know what's so creepy about Humpty Dumpty?

Mikan🩹: No, I don't. What?

You: They never said he was an egg 😨😨😨

Mikan🩹: Huh? What do you mean?

Mikan🩹: Wait

Mikan🩹: OH NO😰😰😰

You: Hey, since you're a nurse, let me ask you this: Why do our noses run, but our feet smell?🤔🤔🤔

Mikan🩹: Well, technically, our noses don't really "run". They drain, drip, or leak from the top down when there is excess “material” inside.

Mikan🩹: Certain feet smell because the average human foot sweats one cup per day, and when you add bacteria and shoes to the mixture, that becomes part of the recipe.

Mikan🩹: Oh, but there's certainly nothing wrong with trying to inject a little humor into these awful times.

You: Woah. Mind blowing😮🤯

It doesn't matter what time of day it is

She will text you back every time, no matter what, in just a few seconds

But girl, go to sleep

Kyoko Kirigiri 

She could guess the way you texted right off the bat

Don't ask me how

She just did

But she did enjoy that you had a similar stoic personality to hers

And when you text her, she understands exactly what you're saying

But she doesn't bother humoring you

You: HEYYYY KYOKOOOO

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: Yes?

You: I love youuuuu!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: I love you too.💜

You: Hey can I ask you something?????!!?!!

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: Sure.

You: Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 🤔🤔🤔

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: No. A fly is called a fly, with or without wings.

You: Damn, why you gotta shoot me down like that... I'm heartbroken😢😢😢

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: No, you're not.

You: You're no fun😤😤😤

She doesn't mind the way you text

It makes you 'you', and if it makes you happy, then do it

But if you send her random bullshit, she will not humor it

Especially at 3:00 AM

You: HEY KYOKO

You: A letter in an envelope is just paper wrapped in paper🤯🤯🤯

Kyoko🕵️‍♀️: (Name), it's 3:00 AM. Go to sleep.

She's usually awake during these times, but she's not taking your random B.S

As much as Kyoko loves you, she's gonna put her facts on every random text you send her

She'll let you have your fun, but sending her one of those texts is basically asking to get detective'd

That's a word now

I said so

Peko Pekoyama

At first, she thought you were easy to talk to

You were super stoic, and kind of quiet and reserved

Just like her

So you got along right off the bat

But she didn't expect to see the crackhead inside of you over text

Like Mahiru, she also worries that someone stole your phone

(I apologize to anyone who uses dark mode)

You: YOOOOO PEKOOOOO

Peko⚔️: Yes, my young master?

Peko⚔️: Wait, was your phone stolen? This is very unlike you.

You: Nope! How I text is just different from how I talk!

Peko⚔️: Oh, I see. This was unexpected, but I don't mind.

You: Hey, did you know that horses run on their fingernails? 😮😮😮

Peko⚔️: Do they? Inever thought about that.

You: Can I come hang out????😃😃

Peko⚔️: I'm sort of in the middle of practicing with my sword...

Peko⚔️: But if you want to come watch me, I don't mind.

You: Yayyyyy!! I love yooouuuuu!!!😍😍😍

Peko⚔️: I love you too, young master.☺️

It's hard to keep up sometimes, but she can somehow understand your texts

She finds them very cute

Even in the early hours of the morning, she'll stay up to talk to you

You: PEKOOOOOO

Peko⚔️: Yes, young master?

You: I wanna talk!!!

Peko⚔️: It's 3:00 AM, is something the matter?

You: Nope! Just thinking🙈🙈🙈

Peko⚔️: I suppose I can stay awake a little longer. What are you thinking about?

You: Isn't butter just lotion for food?🤔🤔🤔

Peko⚔️: In some aspects, yes, I suppose.

You: Could a fork be classified as a dull four-pronged sword?🤔🤔🤔🤔

Peko⚔️: I say no. Forks are forks, and swords are swords.

You: What about knives?

Peko⚔️: Same with knives.

Peko may be able to understand what you're saying, but she doesn't understand why you say it

But she never questions it

And she'll stay up as late as you want, cuz she loves you

We love you too Peko, but please get some sleep

Miu Iruma

When you were starting to get to know each other, she tried to make your expressionless demeanor waver

By flirting with you and giving you pick-up line after pick-up line

And it never worked

But then she fell in love with you and boom! Relationship

Boy, was she in for a surprise when you first texted her

You: MIIIUUUUUUU😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Miu🔧: Are you high?

You: Nooooo!!!! How I text is different from how I talk!!!!

Miu🔧: How tf is that even possible

You: I LOVE YOOOOUUUU!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Miu🔧: OF COURSE YOU DO I'M MIU FUCKIN IRUMA

Miu🔧: But yea I love you too nerd

You: Can I come hang out?????!!!🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Miu🔧: I'm inventing shit

You: Pleeeeaaasseeeee?!?!?!🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Miu🔧: You're a trainwreck

Miu🔧: Lab door's unlocked

You: Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!🥰🥰😍🥰🥰😍🥰😍

Depending on her mood, she'll either match your energy or tell you to shut the fuck up

Sometimes, she'll be the one texting you at 3:00 AM

She's always awake anyway

But when you text her, this usually happens

You: MIIIIUUUUU

Miu🔧: What do you want it's 3:00 AM

You: I gotta question

You: Why is the letter x used more in math than in the English language🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Miu🔧: I gotta question too

Miu🔧: Why tf are you texting me at 3:00 AM about math shit

You: You're an inventor, you should be good at math

Miu🔧: Answer me this then, smartass

Miu🔧: If you try to fail and you succeed, what tf did you do???

You: You would succeed, obviously

Miu🔧: Sick answer

You: If you're waiting for a waiter, that makes you a waiter

Miu🔧: OMG

Miu🔧: THAT'S SO TRUE

Miu🔧: YOU'RE A FUCKIN GENIUS

You: I KNOW

You and Miu are in the same boat

You're both crackheads in love

Remember when I said Ibuki probably appreciates your energy the most?

Well, Miu is a close second

When she acts like your random thoughts are stupid, she's secretly thinking the same thing

Y'all are partners in crime

Y'know, this scenario would work really well with a lot of other characters

[destinyc1020]

Confession: I think this might be last post ever on tumblr, I think I might leave tumblr and social media in general. I feel like its become way too toxic and just not worth the effort nor do I feel happy using it, its just so menatally draining. In addition Im getting a little fed up of fandoms and stan culture, it used to be fairly a fun space but now it feels like a space where hatred, racism, toxicity have kinda infiltrated. Things like movies or just enjoying actors or whatever have become less and less interesting it no longer feels like celebrating but like we are in competition, like the discourse has become lets compare and be hurtful to others and their opinions and I just think fandoms have just been too invasive, too parasocial and I dont want to be in that space anymore.

I do want to say I enjoyed your blog and love how you try to bring as much joy and positivity to this space. You are one of few bright spots and keep doing what you do and thank you for cheering me up at the times I felt a little down . Its been fun but I think its time for me to bid a permanent farewell. All the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Awww..... I'm so sorry Anon. 😞

I hope you haven't left Tumblr already and are going to miss my response back to you. 🥺

Oh well.... I'll respond back anyway, no matter if you ever see this post or not. 🙃

First of all, thank you so much for your confession. I really appreciate your honesty on this topic, because I really do feel like fandom/stan culture has really gotten to a point that it's become exhausting in many fandoms... even when the celebrities themselves aren't even problematic! 🤷🏾‍♀️

It's become toxic for sure. 😞 And I, too, don't really appreciate the constant comparisons, the putting down of other actors just to raise up your faves, the spreading of lies and falsehoods in order to make other celebrities look bad, the recurring nonstop complaints about an actor's film career even though their career is going just fine, the immediate "cancel" culture just because someone isn't perfect 100% of the time, the jealousy and downplaying of another actor's talents just because it's not your fave in the role, the annoying film twitter debates, the use of RT as the almighty "gold standard" in a filming project's validity, the over-FOCUS of film critics and their reviews of certain films instead of just watching the film yourself and forming your OWN opinions, the constant bickering among various fandoms and stan wars, the overly-anxious fans who get nervous if their fave isn't in a new casting announcement every 2 months, etc.... The list goes on and on and on....

It's just exhausting.... 😫 And I feel like I see a lot of these comments bts because ppl can literally hide behind Anon on my blog and say whatever they want. 😩

So yea girl...I totally feel you. ❤️

I'm hoping you won't stay away forever, but I totally encourage and support you in taking a break away from here (or social media in general) if that's what you need to stay healthy and emotionally and mentally upbuilt. 🥰

If you ever feel comfortable and would like to come off of Anon and chat with me privately on here, or discuss this in greater detail, feel free to reach out and DM me! You'll always have a safe space. ❤️🥰

Wishing you all the best 🙏🏾🤗

[septembersghost]

This is the hardest week or so that I've ever had as a longtime swiftie. I saw people say this can't be worse than 2016 but it is for me because back then we were on her side and knew she was being wronged, we could defend her, but this time it's us being hurt and we can't. it's marginalized fans being upset and other fans talking over and ignoring us. I've never felt this bad and I love her and her music so much but I don't know how I'll ever look at her the same after this, and I'm not holding her accountable for that guy's actions, but that she'd be okay with it is complicity and giving him more of a platform, mouthing "ily" (barf) onstage to someone who's views are disgusting? I'm sad. I'm sorry it's been really hard for you. 😞

i'm so sorry. i'm at the point where i don't have words to express it because it's just exhausting and is crushing my heart. and i know i shouldn't even look at comments for my own mental health, but i've read a lot of things in the sub, and it's...killing me to see fans feeling this way, especially bipocs/jewish/muslim/disabled (is there a marginalized group he hasn't targeted? :/) fans, that they are not only asking these questions about her, but that they are feeling unsafe and unheard in the fandom. this post was shared with me, and it's a difficult read but it articulates a lot about the impact here, as do many of the comments.

my emotions have ranged all over the place this past week, but where i am now is this deep sense of sadness because i don't know what to do or where to go from here. she is intimately tied to her music, in an unusual way (i'd argue she's more connected to hers in ways fans know about than many other artists), which makes it difficult to separate. and yet her music is also ours and has accompanied countless fans through their lives, sometimes for many years (like i've said, fifteen in my case!), and that matters too and is extremely hard to disconnect from - music is such a profound and precious thing, it's not only sentimentality, it's in the very wiring of our brains, it's in our core memories. knowing fans are grappling with pain from that and trying to reconcile it...it hurts me so much. and there's a realization that overall, anyone struggling is still in a minority, so it doesn't make that much difference - thousands of people being upset feels wrong and terrible to me, no one should be experiencing that, and yet that's such a tiny fraction out of millions, which i think is another part of why the ones raising their voices feel a bit lost. i'm also frankly sick of seeing pushback about how fans hurting right now shouldn't be allowed to speak, because some intense double standards are at play (praise her and never criticize her is not a fair or healthy environment tbh). every fan i've seen upset is very clear about why, they're not holding her responsible for his actions, they're not confusing their reaction with real activism or social justice, they are raising concerns, and they're grieving a safe place that brought them joy and comfort before. you can't underestimate what art means to people and how valuable that safe space is, to feel like it's been shattered is a deep loss.

kelly (@butimnotseventeen) wrote a post about why this isn't comparable to 2016, and i think part of the conflict here is that, previously, it was always us with her, against the many who've torn her down and hated her unfairly. in this instance...that's not the situation. this is fans hurt and disappointed, and not being able to defend her, and it's also fans against other fans, which i think has made the anger worse. feeling attacked and shut out in a space you've cultivated and that makes you happy is terrible.

idk if we've reached the moment yet where we have to decide what we're going to do moving forward, or that moment likely will come at different times for everyone who's currently struggling. this is not something that's going to be addressed, and i think everyone needs to face the reality of that. we cannot demand anything from her personal life, and everyone knows that. if he apologizes, it will be because his hand was forced, and it won't change anything. if/when they break up, this still happened. anyone who leaves the fandom permanently is a drop in the bucket compared to how vast the fanbase is, so ultimately it's like...the decision you make should be centered on you and your well-being only. allow it to be about you, and your heart, because there's unfortunately no larger impact to be had here. is her music still meaningful to you, does it still make you happy? you're allowed to hold onto it. do you still love her and are you able to recognize she is flawed and contradictory and a wealthy white celebrity who lives in a world of privilege and never has to confront certain realities, can you reconcile that with caring about and enjoying her? because it's not wrong or hypocritical if you do. it's complicated. and if you want to step away for a while, or permanently, you're allowed that too. it truly is whatever is best for you.

selfishly, i miss coming on here and reblogging posts about her (and the beautiful things creators make) and being happy and excited, i miss coming on here and not feeling a sense of unease, and while i am in groups he targeted, and fundamentally am disgusted as a woman and human being, i cannot imagine what it's been like for bipoc fans. i've intentionally prioritized those of you who are hurt because you're important and you've been impacted in a way that taylor, who is not here seeing this, will never understand. she will never know how vulnerable fans feel. she will never have to read your pained and disappointed messages and try to counsel people through this. it makes me ache that any of us are struggling or experiencing that disconnect. i'm personally more affected by caring about other fans right now than i am by her, though i am worried about her to a degree too. we desperately need to hold onto empathy whenever we can.

her music has been such a light and carried me through so much. there's almost an irony to the fact that at any other time when i was hurt, i'd immediately turn to her music for comfort, and at the moment that's exactly where i can't go. it's very heavy and hard to say when that will fade. i just...i want you to know i've heard you and i love you and i'm sorry. i'm sorry you're hurt and sad. i wish i could do more. i wish i could predict the future and somehow tell you this will get better. i wish nobody felt this way at all. you matter and your safety and happiness matter. you can decide what brings that to you, and i hope you can keep finding it.