#but i can't believe im finally realizing that they are quite literally

[bellamysgriffin]

Dana Watches Gilmore Girls: New and Improved Lorelai (6x01)

[fuxuannie]

* pairing : wanderer / scaramouche x gender neutral reader

* prompt : bringing you back to his mama <3

* authors note : i promy im still a hsr account but the new quest was so cute i couldnt resist

SCARAMOUCHE holds your hand as you both approach Nahida's sanctuary, as you two climb the stairs, you get cold feet and stop. "Kuni?" You call out for him with a nervous chuckle. "I'm scared."

He turns around a little to look at you, hand still holding his but you're a few steps behind on the stairs. "Don't worry. She knows all about you already. Buer has heard me talk about you long enough and she really likes you." He says with a reassuring tone, following you down to the step you were on and looking you in the eyes. "She loves you, okay? She's waited for a chance to meet you all this time, and you're not about to make the poor Dendro Archon sad, are you?" He joked, which made you giggle a little, easing the tension.

He leads the way upwards, and you follow him with every step he takes. You eventually arrive at the big white door, holding your breath as he opens it. It reveals the inside of Nahida's beautiful sanctuary, with the archon herself in the center with a smile on her face. "Hat guy!" She giggled, running up to the both of you as your nerves were slowly disappearing.

"Hello, Buer." He says with a gentle smile, looking down at her as he feels your hand squeeze his. He turns his head to you, and you don't even realize how inlove you looked when he smiled, you didn't even notice how you squeezed his hand when he did so. "Hm?" You snap out of your daze, realizing he was staring at you, but he turned away and cleared his throat.

"Buer, this is my partner."

And finally, she looks directly at you. In the eyes, for a solid 10 seconds, before immediately sparkling from joy. "I can't believe it! You're exactly how he describes you, and I'm surprised he's got every detail down perfectly!" Nahida chirped, and Scaramouche once again clears his throat in embarassment.

"Hehe.. he talks about me.. that much?" You giggled, turning to him as he looked at the wall, but his red ears were enough of proof that the answer was infact a yes. "I'm glad he's been enjoying his time in Vahumana, but I never thought he'd find a partner!"

"Wait, what??"

"It's truly a pleasure to meet the person that makes him so happy." She then made a gesture that suggested you should lean down, in which you do so for the little Archon. "Don't tell him I said this, but when he talks about you, he could go on for hours. It's very heartwarming for me."

You looked over at Scaramouche, who was still facing the other direction with his arms now crossed because you let go of him. A smile curls up upon your lips, and you thank Nahida for her kindness and it's clear she appreciates you so dearly. As if you were a part of her family now, which she really did consider you to be a part of.

You, had quite literally gotten the approval of an archons son.

[mono-dot-jpeg]

new universe - y. welt

summary; while you didn't mind playing hsr, you didn't want to be in hsr!

genre/extra tags; headcanons, isekai! reader, father figure! welt back in action, fluff, angst???

[platonic] [16 years old! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

a/n; never wrote for isekai'd reader but im down to try. this is probably gonna be unintentionally angsty bc idk abt u but no matter what world im waking up in, im gonna lose my shit too.

you played quite a bit of hsr

you had your fair share of liking a bunch of characters, gambling on them just for that 0.001% chance of feeling joy that you finally got that character

and you liked the story and all

but you didn't want anything more than that

so imagine the absolute panic of waking up like you were trailblazer.

march's face near yours sending you into freeze rather than flight or fight

"march step back, give them time. they just woke up."

you literally go through the 5 stages or grief as you slowly realize, oh shit, im not home anymore

and then it sinks in again

and then you start crying.

you're stuck in denial as you cry your eyes out

you're stuck in a fantasy space world where you are just as powerless as a citizen npc and you know there's a bunch of enemies in game that look really painful to deal with

you dont even realize that you've been taken to a room to wallow in peace.

welt's room to be specific.

you calm down after a while, sitting down in embarrassment bc oh fuck you just cried in front of some of your favorite character but to be fair you might be stuck in this world which does almost send into another panic

but welt comes in at the right time

"i'm sorry we didn't wake you when we found you, but we wanted to make sure that you weren't injured. do you remember anything of what happened?" he speaks calmly, making you feel calm in return

"i only remember my name.." you're really lucky to know that you speak the common language in this universe, or maybe they just know it. "i don't know what happened and..." your body shakes, feeling overwhelmed. "i don't know... 'm sorry."

he shakes his head. "you did nothing wrong. we didn't think or account for this. it's okay. it's okay to be scared. we're here to help you."

and it kind of breaks your heart bc you don't think there's a way to get back to your real home.

"would you like to know how we found you?" he hands you some water to drink.

you nod weakly, drinking the water.

and he explains how they found you in a different planet and stuck in a forest. "so you don't remember anything else?"

you hesitate. "i don't..i-" you close your mouth. "i don't think you'd believe me."

"it's okay if you don't want to tell me. but are you sure you don't know where your home is?" at the mention of home, you feel your eyes water.

"my home isn't where you think it is." you whisper weakly.

you don't elaborate and he doesn't expect you to elaborate.

"thank you for telling what you wanted to tell. i'm sure you're still scared and worried. and that's okay. but this does mean, you don't have a home.."

and he ends up taking you in.

you stick with him for a long while. it takes you a long time to get used to everything.

eventually you do get somewhat accustomed to it all.

with welt by your side you feel a bit more safe and less scared.

but on those nights where you remember that your normal is not the normal of this world, you find yourself looking for welt.

it's just silent comfort, just having his presence around you makes you feel better as you lay down by him as if you were a younger kid.

you just let him read his books as you wait for your body to make you sleep.

"thank you welt." you can't help but mutter.

and his reply is just a gentle pat on your head, a sign of him always listening to you and caring for you.

[dishushu]

"i’m still into you, morales."

pairing: miles morales !1610 x reader

genre: angst to fluff:)

inspo song: still into you. - paramore

warnings: cursing, blood, near death experience for reader, angry miles:(, green goblin being a creepy ass bitch, weapons.

words: 1.2k.

summary: the only way he can keep you safe is by breaking up with you for your safety, but months later you run into him and fortunately, you’re still into him.

a/n- ill be taking a small break after writing this due to my mental health literally crashing but i promise yall once im back ill post something😭 this is a small fic bc im currently focusing on other stuff at the moment AND i wanna thank @smokeywhalee for giving me the idea on the last part love ya mwahh❤❤

can't count the years on one hand that we've been, together.

miles and you have been best friends since you were small— quite frankly your whole childhood. miles was always right by your side through thick and thin, and you did too.

but when our fingers interlock, can’t deny, can’t deny you’re worth it.

and that’s when you started dating miles, you realized he fell in love with you the moment he saw you and his love grew fonder and fonder as he grew older.

you recount the night that you first, told his mother, and on the drive back to your house, he told you for the first time he loved you.

and you felt the weight of the world fall off your shoulders, and you sing along to the start of forever—

but that ended soon.

ever since miles became spiderman, his life started to become more dangerous — and you were worried sick.

everyday he would climb to your apartment, wounded and injured and you’d always patch him up, and he would always leave you worried.

so that’s when he decided to leave you for his own safety— and yours.

when he broke the news to you, it’s like your whole world stopped— you were frozen and so was time, but it was for your own good and his.

“i’m so so sorry mi corazon, it’s for your own good, i promise. please don’t cry anymore.” he whined, cupping your jawline as he wiped your tears.

you could see his glistening eyes, his tears waiting to fall as if they were impatient, you felt your heart shatter even more every minute you looked into his eyes.

you grabbed the said hand that was on your jaw, holding it tightly and savoring the last moment you both were witnessing.

he gave you one final goodbye kiss and in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

you couldn’t do anything now that your love of your life was gone, you couldn’t believe it that your last moment with miles is with him leaving.

———

hours of sleepless nights, days of overthinking and sadness burying you, and weeks of crying passed since miles left you and you couldn't even tell time anymore, you were still into him but what could you do now?

it was not until everything went downhill for you.

the green goblin has been miles's archnemesis for god knows how long ever since he became spiderman— and the green goblin was determined to find you, the love of his life, and make him miserable, so he used you as bait.

as you were walking down a sketchy road to pass the convenience store to get a snack, you heard a loud clang in a sketchy alleyway and you stopped in your tracks, turning your head to look at the gloomy area— and before you knew it, the green goblin glided out and took you in, covering your mouth to prevent you from screaming and his other hand holding a knife.

he took you to a rooftop in a sketchy area, the moon and street lights being so dim you can barely see anything. the green goblins breath over your neck as the knife he was holding was now on your neck, as he glided through the surface of it and making you bleed and wince in pain.

“what do you want from me? let me fucking go please!” you screamed as tears planted your face— trying to escape from his grasp.

“now now sweetheart, i need your little boyfriend, you’re useless to me— i just need to kill you and then kill him next.”

he whispered into your ear as you cringed back— his words echoing in your mind over and over again, the realization hitting you that he’s gonna kill miles— when you heard a voice from afar, a familiar voice you’ve always known.

“let ‘em go.” the voice was demeaning, when you lifted your head up and saw.. “miles..?” you whispered as tears began streaming down your face, when the green goblin shut you up by slicing another cut with the knife as you cried out in pain.

miles webbed the knife onto the ground as he stepped closer and was ready to pounce on the green goblin, he’d do anything just to keep you alive— even it means he had to face the opposite.

“hold on now— if you’re gonna kill me you’ll be killing them now wouldn’t you?” he said, his free hand now gripping on your neck as he choked you— your struggling making your breath shorter every second.

miles put his hand down as he looked over to the green goblins glider that was on the side of the door— he grabbed it by webbing it and slid it off the rooftop, the web still holding on to it as it was dangling off the rooftop.

the green goblin gasped as he let go of your neck, leaving you to fall on the ground as you gasped for air— the sight of you making miles want to punch out the green goblins guts for doing this to you.

“it’s either, you give me them or i’ll drop your precious little glider.” miles protested, his voice was low but angry— a side of him you’ve never seen before.

the green goblin didn’t answer as he kept stepping closer to miles, and miles backing away in his every move.

the green goblin got tired of his little game and grabbed your hand and threw you over to miles, which in result making miles more furious.

“there, you have them now give me back my glider.” the green goblin protested as he walked closer to miles.

“come and catch it then.” miles let go of the web resulting the green goblin shouting a “NO!” — the glider falling down as the green goblin jumped to get it.

miles then looked over to you, bending down to your height as you sat on the floor— in pain and helpless.

“are you okay?” miles panicked, his both hands on your shoulders as he scanned for wounds other than the one on your neck.

you nodded as you swallowed the lump in your throat, causing you to tear up again and this making miles even more worried.

“i’m.. i’m still into you, morales.” you blurted out, causing miles to look at you with admiration.

“i should be over by the butterflies already but, i’m into you,”

as you sighed shakily to look up at miles, his hand reached for your jawline as he caressed it softly, wiping the blood away from your neck as he kissed you softly.

its like you’ve been waiting for this moment forever, now that the green goblin was gone (or was he..?)— he had you all to himself with no worries.

he pulled away from the kiss, chuckling softly as your forehead pressed on his, your nose brushing over his.

“god how i missed you and this moment, mi vida, i’m so sorry i left you— there want a day that passed by that i haven’t thought about you.” he grabbed you by the waist, pulling you closer to him as your head was on his shoulder.

“i missed you more, and i’m glad you’re still into me.”

© hearts4hobie, all rights reserved. do not steal, translate, and rewrite without permission. love y’all mwah♥️ 💋

[mamadarama]

Omg back on Kohaku like MY BABY MY SWEET LITTLE PINK CUPCAKE I MISSED HIM SOOOO MUCH MWAH anyways

Thinking about how everyone who loves Kohaku wants him to be free and out of the murky parts of society. Despite Kohaku being firm and adamant that he doesn't mind, that he can have both his freedom and the dirty parts as well. But everyone somehow, from the moment he was born, just won't let him.

He quite literally was born and everyone in his family decided they'd protect him from the dirt. As much as he understands, he also believes he's not absolved of that fate, that the moment he was born into this family, his place in hell is sealed and final.

Sure it's not like he wants to go and be an assassin. All he wants in the end, is freedom. Whether that be the freedom to be a cute, sassy idol, or the freedom to use his skills to protect or do the dirty work. As much as everyone tries to stop him, he won't let them. That is his freedom, and to him, the only thing he'll ever want. And he doesn't mind.

He doesn't mind having two separate faces, his best carefree and pure self that he shows to fans and his friend Aira. His sharp tongued and darker mindset he shows to Madara and some others. He's so similar to Madara in this way, both born into darker underbelly families making their hands bound to be stained some way or another

Madara doesn't want that, he wishes he can be a gentle, caring mother like guy who makes everyone smile. Even if he accepts it, it's more like he reluctantly does so. This is the little boy that wanted to be a hero, realizing he was meant to be a villain. He accepts it even if he wishes it was different, but it can't be, no matter how much he wishes. He can only look back and see tangled threads of complicated feelings, it's overall a mess that would take so much to come undone.

Kohaku meanwhile accepted from the very start. Even if everyone tries to shield him from it, he knows there's nothing he can do to escape it. He knows the values of life, happiness, freedom and everything else. He's as mature as Madara in that sense. Even if everyone desperately pushes him to be in the light, that is just not what he wants. He wants the freedom to do as he pleased, without anyone deciding what his fate will be.

Thinking about them a lot. In the official translation for Stippling, it talks about two (something idk) that's so far apart but parallel enough, that when looked at from a distance, they appear together and the same. I can't help but think about how much all of their songs are about them.,,

Anyways I'm insane omg I'm getting a motorcycle license soon aaaaa

- Madara yume anon 🍀

YEAH !!!!!!! i love kohaku :] hes great . i think unlike madara who actively works against things that will improve his life , kohaku is apathetic towards them and if he continues to be that way things will eventually get better for him . there are people trying to help pull both of them out of the pit theyre wallowing in and its much easier to get kohaku out because even tho hes not interested in being out of it , hes not opposed to it either. whereas madara will fight to stay in his familiar misery. idk i slept all day im too tired to try and make words mean what i want them to mean .

[1-up-chump]

If you're up to a request? How would some of the MK guys react to their lover betraying them, for Fujin/Kung Lao/Shao Kahn and Kano please? *Bows respectfully*

Im sorry but i assume you mean reader being a backstabber? I dont really feel comfortable writing reader as backstabbing bc i feel like 90% of the time they'll hate reader and i dont want ppl to feel hated. However i will have reader have an unnamed lover they leave for the characters you asked for. For something at least, sorry if its not quite what you wanted. But im not about writing xreaders for the sake of drama with no resolution

Reader dumps ex for true love

Fujin:

Fujin was mesmerized by your personality, the more he saw you the more he wanted to get to know you. Your voice was his favorite melody. Alas, you were already in a relationship. Fujin did not mean to pry, but he would be lying if he said he didn't have underlying jealousy.

You break up willingly: you just clicked with the wind god so naturally, you forgot your previous lover entirely. You felt wanted and adored by someone who willingly wanted to get to know not only you, but what you cared about, how you saw the world. You couldn't believe a god was interested in such an average mortal, let alone feel like he was interested in becoming more than friends. When you brought up your disinterest of your previous lover, fujin tried to give sound advice and avoided giving into making himself look better. After all, free will is important. And you willingly wanted to make the decision to break up, and then suggested in the same sentence that you would be available again. Giving fujin the strong desire to sweep you off your feet then and there.

You are "convinced": fujin knew that you ultimately needed to make the final decision in your relationship, but you seemed far too reluctant to give up your clearly failing relationship. Fujin gives similar advice to how he normally would, except maybe with slight bias in his favor. Hinting that maybe you should be with someone who wants to be a part of your life and get to know you for everything that you are, and still want to stay. His voice is as sweet as a warm breeze and you can't help but agree, he's a better boyfriend. And he's also a god so, can't beat that even if you tried.

Kung lao:

You had him at "hello". Quite literally as he was far more smitten by your actions. Kind, strong, passionate. Kung lao could go on for hours about every little thing he came to know about you. He flirted a bit, and that's how he realized you were already taken.

You break up willingly: there was something about this monk you couldn't quite place, he was stoic at times but when he moved he flowed with a different kind of fire you saw in Liu kang. Something sharp, something direct, something wreckless. Regardless, despite kung Lao's pride in his honor making him slightly arrogant, it was charming how dedicated he truly was. And you needed someone who was dedicated, and honest. Your previous lover didn't exactly deliver on that, so you decided to break up with them and try your chances with kung lao. And you certainly didn't regret it.

You are "convinced": kung lao could see that you clearly weren't happy with your relationship. It wasn't his business, but he couldn't stand to see you unhappy and unfulfilled. Kung lao took no quarter in telling you what was wrong in your relationship when you had a moment of doubt in your relationship. Kung lao is precise in more than throwing his hat and fists, he points out everything wrong and why you're unhappy and even things you didn't realize. Kung lao is so pent up that he forgets he originally had the idea to make himself a viable partner, his sense of justice and fairness overrode his selfishness. But it did work in admitting in dumping your lover immediately and declaring you're single now. Kung lao is mentally kicking himself that he didn't ask you out right then and there and runs after you

Shao Kahn:

There is one solid fact that everyone in outworld knows, what the emperor wants, he will get. Of course he is no mere average brute, he is masterful at tactics in war, and in persuasion. The fact that you already had a lover was of little concern for shao kahn.

You break up willingly: you weighed the options and it was far too obvious a choice, shao kahn had power. He had charisma, he laid opportunities at the small cost of loyalty and dignity. Far better an arrangement than your previous lover. You willingly give your whole allegiance to this man, and shao kahn could not be more pleased. He gave you the promise of ruling by his side, but just being in love with such a powerful man was reward enough in itself.

You are "convinced": now, shao kahn had plenty of options here. Simply kill your lover and take whats his the "old fashioned way" of conquering. Instill doubt and give ultimatums about your relationship with your lover. The hardest part for shao kahn with this was the approach, he wanted to make sure you had no hate in your heart for him, at least enough that you wouldn't betray him given the chance. Regardless of what shao Kahn does, you end up agreeing having him as your new lover now. Whether you enjoy it or not, at least in admitting you love it anyways.

Kano:

Kano had his fair share of "lovers" all of varying degrees of "closeness". However, something was just so special about you that kano wondered if that whole soulmate thing was real. Just enough sweet and spice and everything messy to grab his full attention. Of course he was disappointed in you already taken, more so that there was an obstacle in the way of his beautiful prize.

You break up willingly: you had enough playing by the rules, more specifically your previous lover's rules. You were sick of walking on eggshells and wanted someone who could just not care about what others think and what you wanted to do. You had so much pent up that when you met kano, you wanted to hire him to take care of them. However, a better opportunity presented itself when kano barely suggested that you break up with him. You already made up your mind and told him that you were history now. Kano was taken aback but glad he didn't have to work so hard to earn your love. Now it was all a matter of keeping it, for kano this was the hardest part.

You are "convinced": first order of business is sweet talking you regardless of relationship status. Kano would simply make a deal sweeter than what you would have already. Any sort of doubt and kano would be very "persuasive" about it. But kano backed off when usually he would get out the more aggressive tactics. Something about you made it worth working against the tides. Of course kano is going to fight with your previous lover one way or another. To show off, but also kano had a feeling that felt rare for a baddie like him. That he felt dishonored that your lover made you unhappy, and he wasn't about to have that. Either way your lover defended you poorly and kano actually apologized for the mess, gaining favor with you. Kano thought that this was a "pain in the ass" but it was worth seeing you smile with relief. Prettier than any jewel in any realm, kano thinks.

[himehikoshrine]

might delete this later because im at two hours of sleep levels of inarticulate but now i'm thinking about The Seagull and Neji and the Constantine - Trigorin tension of it all.

But like I am also thinking about what would happen if Neji gave Chui that script from the beginning I think that script from the beginning could work as a bizarre modern dance/butoh amber performance actually, and in the summer novel and in rehearsals (though rudely, not in the performance) we get snippets of how Neji uses abstraction in dance (in Mary Jane, the "Lonely Darkness" and in Extermination in the Arata Forest the dancers play all of nature, including specifically, the wind). I wonder if that's the Amber in him, because Amber seems to be using dance in ways far beyond character dance numbers. Like it's even set on a lake! With the moon! I wanna see it.

Inarticulate and spoilery thoughts with Agendas for both Neji route and also The Seagull, I guess.

But like, compared to what we see Neji do in Amber, he's shifted pretty substantially with Quartz - he's the "Entertainer" (like Tsuki) to Chui (and Fumi)'s artist, but he's coming from (going by his own recreation of it) some serious Angura vibes, and his first two plays are very different than any of the ones we see him do for Quartz. But even the plays he writes for Quartz have varying levels experimentation to them, by vibe (shoves weekend lesson off the table and pretends its not there, messing with the patterns) even if nothing quite like his Amber days.

It's like he says to Chui - working with imperfect people means he can't just create whatever is in his head - things like what we see in puppet - and has to pull things down to a different register. It's... the same thing Neji tells Fumi, actually -- the game uses the idea of someone ripping their wings off to be able to stand on stage with others for both of them, actually.

Constantine, writing lofty "experimental" plays (what Neji is accused of and takes as a compliment in Puppet) vs Trigorin and his notebook and inability to stop writing or pulling inspiration from other people. Both of them kind of miserable, one more dramatically than the other. Both kind of assholes. Both, lets be honest, terrible to women in their own ways.

Interestingly, both of their interactions with Nina reflect far more the realization he has later in his route rather than his starting assumptions. I doubt he just misses this. But I think Neji is running from things he already knows, trying to hold up flimsy stories to himself about himself that he doesn't really believe. Neji, reading the Seagull: I see, I see if I simply do not interact with women, I can be both and neither. I've solved it. This is a joke.

At least the way I read the Seagull - Love (and the play cuts it across gendered lines in the ensemble) isn't the cause or solution, its just the justification. It certainly doesn't create or fix the issues the two writers in the play deal with, and I don't think Neji could even lie to himself that it does, even if its easier - and its certainly easier than looking at both of the characters and their actual faults and ways they reflect himself.

Mr. takes you to suicide beach on his third event and literally cannot stop thinking about the next story or let go of his notebook for a minute, so frantically that other people notice it. In the fic I will probably never finish -- Kisa is many things, but she is also a mirror, as both Neji and Chui call her -- one Neji is finally transfixed enough with to look into long enough to see himself. And look where that leads him.

[rabbithaver]

for the final five years of my academic career, May symbolized for me the month of being crushed by the realization that i had no future as a human being, i was fundamentally worthless, and every single person i went to school with was leagues ahead of me, emotionally and intellectually.

and that last thing is still true.

everyone i went to school with can hold jobs! all of them were able to graduate high school... except for me, of course. all but two of them can drive. most of them went to college and got degrees. over half of them own homes and have children of their own. quite literally all of them ended up having futures.

even my abusers.

TWs for... just about fucking everything, and this isn't even going into depth

the ones who stalked me if i walked home. the ones who made me afraid for my life every day. the ones who told me all the ways they planned on killing me for daring to be openly queer. the ones who repeatedly physically assaulted me. the one who, upon learning i had switched to a new school in desperation to get away from his violence, sought out the name of my new school and then convinced his parents to let him switch schools a month after the year started just so he could keep tormenting me. he learned my entire schedule and transferred to as many of my classes as he could. when i went to the school counselor, i was told my grades were not good enough to justify them doing anything to protect me.

that year, that abuser and his friends got so bold as to repeatedly swerve and try to strike me with their SUV if i dared to try to walk home. my home was right behind the parking lot of that school; if we had a gate, i could have just walked into my backyard from the parking lot, but not even that would have been safe, because they tried this on school property multiple times.

that student, who called me every slur under the sun, who attempted to kill me so many times i lost count, who cornered me often and beat the shit out of me, who tried to assault me over a dozen times at knife point on school grounds... was never once punished for his behavior. i was ruled the instigator every single time for "making myself a target." i was told by my school's counselor, "stop being a tranny and they'll stop. wear makeup, lose some weight, try dating boys. if you make yourself a target, of course they'll go after you." the school administration sided with my abusers every single time. nobody fucking believed me.

those students all graduated high school and went on to college while i continue to try and fail to put the shards of my life back together. they all have careers now. two of them are fucking cops, because of course they are.

they went on to get college degrees.

they never were punished for destroying me psychologically that year. they got away with it while i was repeatedly punished for asking for help.

and you know the worst part? they were right about me, in the end

i turned out to be a complete and total failure by every stretch of the imagination.

i turned out to be a burden on everyone in my life.

i turned out to be a waste of my parents' money.

i even ended up going on to abuse other people myself, saying horrible things to people online just because it made me feel like a "better activist." if anything, i'm worse than my own abusers, because i went through everything they put me through, and then still went on to hurt others like that. that kind of thing... that's irredeemable. you can't come back from that. you just can't.

god im so fucking worthless hahaa.

[xdxenon]

My thoughts on Dragons Rising (Spoilers)

At first I was very skeptical about dragons rising replacing the ninja with a bunch of new characters. It happens in a lot of shows I used to like and it never feels the same. However, I have grown to love them just as much. They're all just younger versions of the ninja, and they're starting to realize that.

First there's Wyldfyre and Kai. Aside from basically having the same power, (I'm still saying heat and fire are almost the same, idc that some cans burned and some melted) wyldfyre is very unpredictable with a more showy style of fighting and huge love for pranks. She also has a very hot temper, and thinks she's in charge. At first they're always at each other's throats fighting and yelling until Kai finally realizes that she's just like he was when he was younger. Did we really think we would ever see Kai, KAI???, of all people teaching meditation? I don't think so. And they're duo is absolutely deadly. We saw that armory explosion. I'm so excited for more WyldKai duo (Not a ship name, just a duo name) Aside from all the fighting, which lets be honest is bound to happen any time Kai is in the room, they are perfect partners and any time you need an explosion, they'll be there.

Sora and Nya fit as well. Tech savvy? Check. Trying to prove they're strong enough without their parents? Check. They both also struggled to find their true potential. Both had different specific problems, but in comparison to the other ninja, it was the hardest for Nya, and that might be true for sora as well as she's still reliant on Ryu for her power. Another big thing for Nya was being the "Girl Ninja", and I think that might come up in conversation with those two if Sora ever feels powerless. They would also make some absolute killer mechs and vehicles working together. With Nya's experience and intelligence, along with Soras intelligence and Powers? So many possibilities for kick ass rides and kick ass Lego sets (unfortunately at a price that kicks my wallets ass.) Nya also having Sora there is definitely helping distract her from Jay's absence. She still absolutely misses him, but having someone like herself around is definitely good for her.

Then, there's Lloyd and Arin. If these too match up just as well as the others, I'm quite scared about what Arin might have coming. The absolute amount of trauma that Lloyd went through throughout this entire thing is absolute absurd. And Arin is just finding out that Lloyd is the grandson of God himself. But I feel that Lloyd having a pupil is very good for him. He never got a childhood, literally having his child body taken from him by the aging potion, and he had to spend what short one he did fighting against the embodiment of evil inside of his father, multiple times. And if Arin is to follow in his footsteps, I don't even want to imagine what he's eventually going to have to go up against. Im hoping we can see some of father Lloyd peak through. Maybe him being the father and mentor he always wanted Garmadon to be but wasn't. And I wholeheartedly believe that Lloyd will be a good teacher. He doesn't have thousands of years of experience, but he's definitely been through the ringer. (And if Arin falls in love with a princess and Lloyd tries to talk him out of it I will lose my shit)

All of the ninja are now realizing just what Master Wu had to go through in order to train them all. They've learned and grown from his teaching tremendously yes, but now they're watching and teaching younger versions of themselves and relearning what they were like back then. I can't wait for the 6 million times Arin, Sora, or Wyldfyre make a mistake and say they don't deserve to be a ninja, and they all get to look at each other and laugh, and tell almost too many stories of all the times they've let the entire city get destroyed, died, been resurrected, destroyed realms, and all the fun quirky little traumatic world ending shit that they went through at their age. I'm glad that Dragons Rising still focusses on the ninja and they truly have just moved on to a different stage in their life by being teachers and mentors to the new generation, instead of just being cast aside as "Legends' and nothing more.

[aureentuluva70]

Spoilers for Ep 6 of Rings of Power, Udun:

Wow.

Just...Wow.

I really enjoyed watching this episode. Probably one of my favorites so far. It's just...beautiful. The fight choreography, the cinematography, and that cliffhanger of an ending! I can't stop thinking about it. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time.

This entire episode reminded me so much of the Battle for Helm's Deep from the Two Towers, which has to be one of the greatest battle sequences in all of cinema. The whole battle is extremely well done, even if quite gruesome at times. I truly cannot count just how many things I love about this episode, but I will try to focus on a few of those things.

First and foremost, and obviously the most important:

ARONDIR AND BRONWYN FINALLY KISSED!!!!!

AND HE BASICALLY PROPOSED TO HER AT THE SAME TIME!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰💕💕💕💕💕!!!

(Oh, and a nice Yavanna reference too, even if she wasn't referenced by name)

The scene with Bronwyn and Theo had me legit tearing up. It matches almost perfectly the passage from Return of the King, and has to be one of my favorite parts of the book. "In the end, this shadow is but a passing thing. There is light and high beauty forever beyond its reach. Find the Light, and the shadow will not find you."

I loved the battle, although I wish it wasn't as, well, gorey. Like, did they really have to show us that orc blood is black by it literally gushing out of the dude's eye? Did they really have to show us the torturous process by which they're trying to heal Bronwyn's wounds? I kinda wish I hadn't seen that, even if we did get a nice little family moment between Theo, Arondir and Bronwyn.

Oh, and I absolutely adore Isildur's bond with his father, and am glad to see that Aragorn is indeed descended from a long line of horse girls lol.

But its the scene with Adar and Galadriel in the barn that has to be one of my most favorite(and the part I'm going to ramble about the most) scenes in this episode. For one, it's when we learn just who Adar really is. He is indeed one of the first elves ever twisted into orcs by Morgoth, making him one of the oldest characters in this show. Galadriel calls them Moriandor, meaning "Sons of the Dark". So the orcs he leads and calls his Children may very well be his literal blood descendants. (I gotta admit, Im pretty proud of myself for getting that one right)Not only that but he apparently split Sauron's body open because he did not want to sacrifice any more of his children for Sauron's aspirations?! This is the kind of stuff that's got me so invested in this series. I don't care what you think about the show, you have to admit the writers killed it when it comes to exploring the nature of orcs.

But aside from the Adar reveal, the scene actually reminds me somewhat of the Athrabeth in that it's a philosophocal debate between two people and an exchange of beliefs. In this case, it's a debate about the origin of orcs, their nature and their place in the world. I find the whole thing extremely clever in that it addresses how Tolkien couldn't decide on the origins of the orcs. At first they were written as purely evil and created by Morgoth, only for Tolkien to realize that it wouldn't make any sense given his philosophy of "The Shadow can only mock it cannot make" and that only Iluvatar can create life. He went through multiple different possible origin stories for the orcs, from corrupted elves to corrupted men, but he never really decided or stated which one he preferred. Galadriel and Adar's debate on orcs and their place in the world is just such a clever way of acknowledging the many contradictory writings of Tolkien on many different matters.

Adar represents the side who believes(and the side that Tolkien seems to prefer)that the orcs are living beings, and thus creations of Iluvatar who are deserving of life and a home of their own. Adar seeks only to create a new home for his "children" where the orcs can live and thrive in. While his methods of bringing that reality about are certainly questionable, it's honestly quite a noble cause, and one anyone can sympathize with. I wouldn't exactly say he's a good person, but you can't deny the thing he is fighting for is pretty darn selfless compared to the things that Morgoth and Sauron fought for.

But in Galadriel we see something very different. We see perhaps the most hateful, cruel, vengeful and bloodthirsty part of her we've gotten so far in the series.

I think this scene shows better than any other just how far into darkness Galadriel has ventured. Just how badly she's allowed her obsession with hunting down Sauron to twist her. This Galadriel makes Adar look like a Saint in comparison. I found this on reddit made by someone who was reminded of a certain dark lord and you'll see what I mean:

Talk about cruel.

Like lady, if you seriously think you can say things like that and still think yourself the good guy, no matter how good you believe your cause to be, no wonder Gil Galad feared you would cause more harm than good. This lady's acting like a sadistic, genocidal maniac. And we can't help but nod our heads at the response Adar gives.

"It would seem I'm not the only Elf alive who has been transformed by darkness. Perhaps your search for Morgoth's successor should have ended in your own mirror."

Ouch.

Absolutely obliterated in just two sentences. Hit em' where it hurts, as they say.

And the worst part? It's all true.

Galadriel has become so blinded by revenge and hatred, she has fallen so far into the dark she's failed to recognize just who she's become. And Adar's mention of a mirror reminds me of ep 1, when in the ice fortress Galadriel finds herself looking at her own reflection in the ice, only to punch through it and find evil there.

She certainly seems to feel bad about it later, and perhaps it's this moment when Galadriel really begins her transformation from a bloodthirsty warrior to the wise sorceress we come to know from Fotr. And of course the crushing defeat at the very end may very well speed up that transformative process.

Speaking of the end-

That is all.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

trigun anon again! The way you described Vash couldn't be more true, as someone who loves the "character who goes to unimaginable trauma but still chooses to be kind" (Atsushi Nakajima for example TvT), Vash is such a genuine character and SAME I would give him so much hugs he just absolutely deserves it :'<<

Hope you don't mind me going on a small spiel on Vash (no spoilers dw!) but I love how he fits the character trope mentioned above but he also stands out from the conventional cinnamon roll/kind hearted character. As you mentioned, what I find most interesting about him is how he's also relatively distant/difficult to read. It's also interesting that the anime doesn't particularly give a lot of the character's internal thoughts/dialogue unlike the usual animes (Meryl probably having the most) so it gives the audience further distance from Vash despite him being the MC.

What I love the most I swear about Vash is the beautiful irony and hypocrisy of his character, his inability to choose sides because he just wants to HELP others in any way he can because of his genuine care for people but also fears being close to them because he is the "Humanoid Typhoon". Im glad to share appreciation for his character esp since I haven't brainrotted over a character as much as I have for Ranpo Edogawa (he's my fave character in bsd and all time due to how well written he is <33) and I'm sure you'll love him more once you get to see the later eps,

Thank you for taking the time to read this ask and sorry its so long TvT!!!

Hey hey again! I'm sorry I took so long to get to this!

First off, never apologize for long asks! I love reading what people have to say, always!

Yes, Vash is a wonderful character! As I've finished the show now and am on to the manga, I can easily say he's worked his way into being one of my favourite characters in general! It's like you've said, he's genuine but also closed off, compassionate but keeps his distance. He's so idealistic but he's seen and suffered far too much to be naive. Old and young at the same time. Not human yet painfully human. He's such a wonderful contradiction.

I will say though, that I interpret the whole "sides" thing a bit differently. Everyone's accusing him of having to "pick a side" but he kind of already has. He's on everyone's side. From an outsider's perspective though... that looks like no one's.

So then, in episode 12, when Vash makes the decision to assert his beliefs and fight for them - it's not that he's "finally picked a side"; this is what he always believed. I think it's more that he realized he can't be on everyone's side all at the same time. Sometimes people won't listen. Sometimes you have to make a judgement call if you want to protect what matters to you. ...unfortunately, any attempt Vash made to do so and perhaps try to pick up the pieces in the aftermath quite literally blew up in his face... poor guy...

(Also you like Atsushi and Ranpo? You have great taste! Ranpo has such a fantastic arc. It'll be really cool to see where he goes in the future.)

[tscritical]

When DWIT thoughts came out. I was graduating my sophomore year of high school. I am now a sophomore in COLLEGE. I remember talking to my therapist in detail about the redux episode over online therapy in July of thr first wave of the pandemic. And since then, what have we really got? I feel bad bitching about this because the one friend I tried to talk about it was like 'content creators don't owe people anything'. Except. They kinda do if people are literally paying them via patreon? And it's the main thing you're known for? And you give us nothing in between?

Idk, part of me just wants closure. That's why I fucking hate what's happening to the dsmp right now. I left Sanders Sides for the DreamSMP and honestly, I don't regret it. But Dream and Thomas have something in common. Taking an amazing, unique series. And never giving the fans proper closure. Granted Dream is worse than Thomas because he's an actual groomer, but the situation with the finale and dsmp season 2, which I won't be watching, felt all too familiar.

If Thomas wants to stop doing Sanders Sides, or even can't, he should TELL US. He should tell us no more content us coming. That he's sorry, but without Joan(I hope I spelled their name right) he can't continue. Apologize, but step away. At least we'd have an answer!

I'm sorry for rambling in your ask box. You just seem to be the only person actually talking about this. I've unfollowed most Sanders Sides account, deleted all the fanart off my phone, stopped roleplaying. But I met my best friend, my WIFE through Sanders Sides on tumblr! I named myself after a character! I sent that ask (the one about being named Patton) when I was half asleep and a little delusional after studying all night.

I wish I had waited till I was into MCYT to name myself. I fucking realized I was trabs because of Thomas. If I had the Dsmp, or Hermitcraft, I'm pretty sure my name would be Wilbur, or Ren. But I chose Patton. And the guy who helped me chose my name, is kind of a dick.

literally i don’t understand how people can say “thomas doesn’t owe us anything” as if there aren’t people literally putting money directly in his pockets via patreon so that we can have content. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

idk anything about dsmp other than what ive gleaned from mutuals’ posts, but i believe u lol (im more of a hermits kinda guy, particularly smajor, goodtimeswithscar, and LDShadowLady) (really hope nothing comes out about those three or i might quit the internet /hj)

and yeah thomas needs to be upfront about the behind the scenes shit (which is why im glad he posted that video recently!!! even if i feel like the details are still… somewhat vague… but he’s trying i guess?)

im sorry everything’s turned sour for you patton </3 i get it, believe me i get it

let’s just hope that things improve at least somewhat 🤞🏻

[yxmmis]

so my classmates were talking about their crushes and making poems and writings and idk what to call it honestly but i decided to join in on the fun cus i was bored and i made these because i literally do not know what is falling in love

dream

i cannot fall in love so instead, i dream

i dream of being in the park with someone,

slowly walking alongside them as we enjoy the afternoon breeze

i dream of walking so close to them that our fingers would occasionally brush against each other and we would move away slightly from each other,

our face reddening as i smile slightly at the scene

i dream of realizing ive been in love with them since i had been young

i dream of avoiding them and yet they worry and continue to stay by my side

i dream of finally telling them my feelings,

under the moonlight where rain bounces off of our skin

as the rain continues, my tears falls down my cheek

and i run, in fear of them thinking of me as being weak

i dream of shutting myself in my bedroom, scared of what others will think

of what they'll think

and then a vibration comes from my phone

they called,

worried and confused

i dream of reassuring them while i sob

unable to keep my feelings from them

i dream of feeling pathetic as they listen in earnest,

as their voice holds me

and tells me

that they like me too

and i dream of feeling butterflies within my stomach

and love them even more than anything

but that's what's keeping me from falling in love,

my expectations and daydreams, my stardards and my ideal romance

but i believe in miracles.

so until i fall in love

i will continue to dream

falling in love

i do not get the idea of what people perceive as 'falling in love'

i do not get it but is it just-

walking down the streets and hearing a random tune

a tune that stays within your mind and continues to do so, like an itch that cannot be itched

and when you finally find the song, it's like that itch has finally been satisfied

it's a satisfying feeling to fall in love

as though, a missing piece in the puzzle had finally been found

or perhaps it's more like,..

finally leaving that place you've been stuck in for the longest time and you went to a place you never would've gone to

and then you stay in that place for so long that you didn't realize that the moon had been ready to rise

you ride your bike and suddenly, for the first time

you witness the sun as it sets, the beauty that comes with it, one that you've never realized until you looked closely

perhaps it feels as though you've noticed a beauty that you've never seen before

and then, you continue to chase that same feeling you felt the day you fell in love with that beauty

or maybe, it's like,..

a plant you've been taking care of, one you've been with its whole journey and one you've seen through its worst

but despite that, you continue to take care of it

you don't expect anything from the plant,

you feel that it doesn't have to thank you, nor give anything to you in return

because you chose to love that plant

and yet, it blooms

it blooms a flower

for you...

is falling in love being with that person throughout everything they've been through and still caring for them without wanting anything in exchange?

im not quite sure...

but if so, falling in love sure sounds beautiful

fiction has ruined romance

(note : i lost my sanity making this)

fiction has ruined romance for me

for now i cannot fall in love ever again

i can't fall in love unless that person had been an enemy my entire life but when the time comes when i am all alone,

he stays there by my side, continuing to hate me for types of stupid reasons and i keep him by my side, not realizing we had already become friends and i realize that i loved all the things i thought i had hated about him

and neither can i fall in love unless she had been the sunlight of my days as she continues to smile and please everyone and i just fall for her completely,

but i know deep down that she's not just a beam of sunshine, that she is a human and i make sure to remind her of that

and one day will i hope that she will feel comfortable enough to share her feelings with me, not having to feel pressured to please me and i wanna see her cry and let her show the side she rarely or would never share to others

and i would never fall in love unless that person stays with me, not because they feel they can change me, but rather because they want to help me through the changes and help keep me on the right track

they hold my hand as i make the biggest decisions in life and will support me through all i want to go through

and i dont think i will fall in love unless you've been my childhood best friend who's always been there for me and we felt as though it was us against the world but something happened that stopped us from being in touch

and when we see each other again, i wonder how ive ever lived without you this entire time as i fall in love with you all over again and we became close once more or even closer than before...

fiction has ruined romance for me

for now i cannot fall in love ever again

idk, im just bored dude (this is so cringy huhu i hate this)

[raincamp]

7 - 27 - 23

today has been... a lot. i have a lot to talk about because it really just keeps snowballing, ive had the worst fucking BPD episode today

so i wrote this this morning, expecting to get to actually have a session with my therapist today, since yk, i did finally make an appointment with her referral (for context if you didn't read my last posts, she basically said: no appts until i start addiction counseling bc she can't treat addiction) //

"i've been having the worst and most painful fucking week of my life only for everything to be entirely made up by my imagination, oh how i fucking hate paranoid ideation

as i'm writing this i have about an hour before my therapy appointment— which i was one hundred and ten percent sure was going to be rescheduled, and that i was going to be terminated, because apparently my therapist doesn't like me— and i'm having so many urges to like, hurt myself, or do something to prove that I've been in pain this week because now that i've realized it was all just paraoia my pain no longer feels valid, or justifiable, or even real because of my emotional impermanence making it literally impossible for me to relive the emotions i was experiencing even 5 hours ago.

im partly glad that i only blew up at her once, i think i would be so much more embarrassed had i not. not to say that im not entirely ashamed of my entire reaction to something as small as this, but i also feel like she would've been able to understand how much I've been struggling this week if i had. and since I can't wholly remember how it felt, if it exists in somebody else then it makes it more real. idk. i just want my pain to be validated by her so much."

i was fully ready for her to text me today and be like "oh chill you made an appt see you in an hour" but what i got instead was radio silence. so i checked my appointment portal only to see our standing appointments for the next 3 weeks cancelled.

believe me when i say, my heart fucking dropped, i mean like, it was on the fucking floor, i was hit so hard i couldnt breathe for several minutes.

so, yk, i text her begging for an appointment like the pathetic emotional parasite that i am, and all i get in response is a "we can reschedule once you've attended your intake appointment" so i was like, welp, that sucks bc my intake is next week on a Thursday, so now i have to go two weeks without therapy. absolutely triggered the fuck out of me, i was crying, SOBBING on my floor, it just hurt so fucking much. i felt like i was being ripped apart and sewn crudely back together again, over and over again, everytime i calmed down enough to breathe it would start over again, wave after wave of sadness and shame and abandonment and rage and grief and desperation. i just wanted to stop feeling so much PAIN.

and yk what i did, instead of hurting myself like i nornally would, i texted my therapist like i've been taught to in DBT. she's SUPPOSED to be there to help me when i need it. thats literally in her contract.

mid-sob i typed out a message that was more akin to me begging her to pull me out of a sea of misery and perform CPR on me than professionally asking for help, but i genuinely didnt know what to do, and i STILL don't, because distress tolerance only goes so far, ive been feeling like this, constantly, since our last session.

and she just responded with reminding me that she set the boundary a week ago and we talked about a referral 11 days ago, but she was available for an appointment in two weeks (meaning ANOTHER week without therapy, total: 3) . completely ignoring my plea for help. it felt like she was telling me "hey just a reminder, this is entirely a consequence of your own actions. have fun dealing with it yourself!!"

i have fucking BPD, the only way i KNOW how to deal with anything is by hurting either myself or the people around me. and im THIS close to self destructing and quitting therapy altogether.

i am so fucking pissed at her, idk how she can expect me to survive three weeks without stable treatment. especially after i was hospitalized last month for a suicide attempt?? she knows how much im suffering right now. is keeping a boundary really so important that she can't even help me when im hurting this much?

all i want right now is to scream at her, and im definitely going to, at the very least, be as much of an arse as i can over text, idk, i feel like i deserve to let myself be angry at her. its definitely justified, despite what i said before. theres clear evidence now that I wasn't being paranoid.

i just feel so abandoned by her, physically and emotionally, i feel like i have nobody, i feel like im back to where i was before i started treatment. its so frustrating, and painful. and the fact that this is due to an addiction that i dont have any control over is making me feel even worse.

im trying to figure out why she's doing this, like, she's shown shes competent, i genuinely cant understand how doing this is supposed to help me. how is putting me through this much pain going to help? its making me so unstable. and ik im going to relapse again at some point before i get to see her again.

im trying not to think about it anymore, because everytime i do i start crying again. its to the point where i have a killer headache and my eyes hurt so much from the amount of tears ive spilled.

i fucking hate this disorder so much. nobody but me would be this attached to their therapist. normal people would be able to cope with someone setting boundaries easily. this shouldnt be causing me to feel this way. its not fair. im so exhausted from having to hurt so much all the time, at this point its chronic, its become background noise, its my idle state, and im enraged about it.

i hope good omens season 2 lives up to my expectations.

- andrew

[prilbrey]

12/14/2023

Today, I've decided to write again. It's been a really long time since the last time I actually wrote what I'm feeling. I couldn't contain the emotions I am feeling right now, I just needed to find a way to let it out. So, here I am again on Tumblr writing down my thoughts.

Let's do a little recap about my life. March 2023 That was when my partner and I decided to leave my parents' house due to a conflict I had foreseen that could never be fixed. During our stay there, It was obvious they chose to hate us instead of appreciating us for being there to provide support. I wish it wasn't like that, so I tried to find what might be the root cause for all the hate that they have for us. For me, as their daughter, it all goes down to the fact that I'm their gay useless daughter who couldn't give them anything to be proud of. I've seen the way my mother looked at me. She literally believes that I'm going no where because I'm gay, uneducated and that my life revolves only around my partner. That was my waking point. My family has always made me feel that I'm not that important, that even when I'm gone it wouldn't matter. So that's why I've decided to pack our stuff and leave.

May 2023

It was my birthday. I was in so much pain. But I have to keep going cause I'm all we have at that time. My partner was healing, and I was hurting. But it's okay, I got it. August 2023 It was a very difficult time for me. I had to decide for us. I feel like I have to quit my job so we can move to Manila so my partner can find a job. That way both of us could help each other financially. The feeling of quitting my job gotten stronger due to the changes that happened on job. So decided to finally move out and move to her father's side. November 2023 I got a job that I thought I would like, turns out it's something that I couldn't do. It's too difficult for me, then my health keeps fucking things up and makes things even hard for me, I keep getting sick every god damn week and it's frustrating. I know my body is adjusting but jesus. I'm sick of drinking meds everytime I feel like Im about to get colds again. Good thing happened though, My partner got a job. She's doing it for us. She's stepping outside her comfort-zone and now has the courage to figure life out again. Which is good, that's all I ask and I'm very happy for her. December 2023

I decided to quit my job at OPT.

I know it's a bad thing, and I'm sure is scared of what might be the outcome of me leaving the company during our training. But one thing I learned is that if you don't want something, if it does not make you happy, fuck it and leave. I have multiple chances out here, I just have to find one job. One job that I know I get and I will be good at someday. Also has hmo and offers full-time contract as well. I need to find a job that makes my sacrifices worth while. My partner's father snapped out. He got home drunk and decided to bother us. He wanted to feed the cats and our dog the huge bone from the food that he was eating. My partner asked him to stop, but he continued to show his childish act and when my partner raised her voice he decided to be the man of the house and slapped her. And that's the moment when I realized that he hates her daughter. He hates her for not being able to exceed the expectations he has for her. He expects her to be the provider from the beginning till the end, but ever since she lost her self and left her job she was no longer the kind person he's supposed to be proud of. He's just like my parents and every other toxic Filipino parents out there who has this massive ass expectations towards their children and if they don't meet those expectations they talk shit about you and tears you down. That's what he is, that's what he have shown that night. I don't care if his heart is broken, I don't care if he was there to help us when we asked, because he could have just refused and said that I can't help you guys, we did not begged him for any help. He said he would help us, only to find out that he started to hate us as well and he broke her again. So when she was crying in my arms. That's when I knew that, We're all we have. It's you and me against the fucking world. Whether if we have shitty life, shitty job, shitty parents it doesn't matter. We fight till the fucking end till we get to live the life that we fucking deserve. 2024 is coming, and I'm fucking prepared for the battle. I'm not gonna sit here and be depressed about how shitty life is, Tomorrow is another day. Things will turn around. We'll both work hard to make our new year worth being alive for.

[frostbite-the-bat]

urgh. im not gonna be able to shut up about this now just due to how much it hurt me. i can't believe i got basically laughed at and belittled for not knowing how things work after FINALLY. ***FINALLY*** speaking up to my mom about my pains and how i should seek a doctor - not mentioning everything yet and just speaking on my hands and the carpal tunnel shit ive had for a year straight (notably, since i had covid!!!) and that i can't do much in a work place since that's what i'm in the process of finding. i was told if there's issues to speak up on them, but i cannot do that without anything from a doctor. i can't do that without the help of my parents despite being an adult now. if i did have the strength - i'd have to do it behind their backs and lie.

basically denied any and all support and laughed in my face, because "its because you sit and draw at the computer for 12 hours" and "its okay ive had this for 20 years and i work fine" nonoononon ur not supposed to be in constant pain!!! even if its caused by me being 'just unfit' and 'drawing all day' to the point i cause harm to my hands - it's still pain to be looked at!! even regular ol carpal tunnel should be checked!!

but for me it took me a year to realize it's more than that and almost my whole body is affected and i'd like to not only have it confirmed by doctors - but also get help that way!! i cannot work normally like this!! i coudln't do that even at practice (where i had way less rights i mind you. i couldnt do anything i was under the thumb of my teachers. at work i can just..quit.)

finally after everything...i speak up. and what do i get? laughed at my face and belittled. as always. this is fucking why i don't trust anyone. this is why my parents don't know anything at me. i'm a joke to them. anytime i speak up about anything small or big - i am ignored and pushed to the side as either "too sensitive" or that "thats not a problem". seriously all health problems to show up are ONLY treated at home. never at a doctor.

oh try to set boundaries? omg ur so sensitive i was JOKING ur so whiny. so sensitive. arent u an adult now? jesus.

like do they realize this is the reason why i don't speak up ever. why i am the way i am? just because you can't see it or feel it doesn't mean it's real. just because it 'CAN BE CURED AT HOME' doesn't mean i shouldn't see a doctor about it. (not to mention my mental health - physical health issues are more frequent. my emotional needs and my boundaries and comfort has always, ALWAYS, been ignored and belittled)

i know literally nothing about how this world works, i cannot just leave, i'd doom myself. that's why i gotta deal with this a little longer. and it's fucking agonizing especially as of today to have even more confirmations that my issues aren't gonna be taken seriously. oh im too hyperactive and silly to have REAL problems.

i fucking hate this and i'm getting really bad thoughts again, ones that i haven't had in forever. like. if i was hurt more people would listen to me, finally. like hurt and abused harder or having some accident happen to me. maybe then they'd listen. i wouldn't let that happen, of course. but i think about it sometimes. maybe then it'd be serious enough for me to be taken seriously, too. i'm so tired of this.

is support from the only people i have in my physical life aside from my ONLY friend too much to ask for? i'd say 'then they wonder why i spend all day online', but thankfully they never ask. in fact, they let the internet do the job of raising me for them for the most part!

it's a fucking mess.