#but i dont wanna......i wanna post it now...........i have no impulse control..................

[grand-line-shenanigans]

Talking about scars

[mrpsychokiller]

.

[pizzapizzadickz]

...

[hearties-circus]

Drawing smthn 4 days in advance is really an odd feeling

[druidshollow]

i wanna know more abt glass incident they seem.like a big mood

ill spew some glass facts now that im home lol

i admittedly neglect her a bit and dont draw her often so every single drawing in this post is going to look different.... im so sorry......

anyways this is glass incident, she/her, one of eleven rivers little siblings! she and her brother no long nights were constructed by flowers to assist rivers with his work (much to rivers chagrin)

she is carefree and laid-back, and is very much the type of person to take any negative feelings and quash them for later rahter than deal w them now (later never comes). she can be a bit socially awkward in the sense where she has absolutely zero filter and just says what shes thinking, resulting in accidentally being rude sometimes and not at all meaning to she can also be rude on purpose sometimes for sure, and although she likes to swallow her emotions she can have a pretty fast temper sometimes! she gets mad quickly and can have trouble controlling her impulsive responses

she really likes creatures and wildlife, and gets very easily distracted analyzing genetic codes and such. long after the mass ascension she allows a colony of slugcats to move into her structure. one slugpup who she lovingly names fuzzling takes to her as a mother figure, and the rest of the slugcats tend to her sort of like they would a wise elder i guess??? lots of them hang out in her puppet chamber

in off string au she is Elated by the idea of being able to adventure and explore. she adapts to the brain shrink shockingly, almost disturbingly well

[short-and-ugly]

Really normal length Skoodge analysis

Gonna just start with the simple things. Things you can get from watching one time alone. Maybe. Probably not I don't think you people think about him enough to gather any of this. No. I'm sorry I love you all. I'm just a specific level of detached from average not-Skoodge viewers and don't know what all is expected. It's that one meme "Even when compensating, experts in any field will overestimate the average person's knowledge."

It's rough. Let's get into it.

Speech is probably an easy one! Yeah? Yeah.

A lot of the things he says are very literal... there's a lot of tacting things that are currently happening. A lot of stating the obvious.

Admittedly... this is probably a byproduct of him not being a "main character." His dialogue is a lot less important than that of characters like Zim and Dib. But it's still worth talking about! I'd like to think it's genuinely just his personality to be obvious and talk about things as if people aren't already aware of them. Maybe even have him be a bit tone-deaf. That's more headcanon territory though! So let's walk on past that before I confuse myself and all of you.

DOUBLE NEGATIVES...!

... only happen once. In the background. While he's being talked over by a bunch of teammates.

("Yeah; really that's actually good and more logical cause I don't really wanna make a chain or nothing like that.")

His speech is a lot more casual and, in transcripts for unfinished episode(s)(?) almost innocent!

frothing at the mouth at this one actually i dont like it. not good. this is just exposition. he would not fucking say that (probably wrong) (this was written by the shows writers) (it still makes me angry)

This one I just wanted to add because it's silly. Look at how silly he is. He's just a fun loving guy. Why does his mind go to dancing straight away? We'll never know... the inner machinations of his mind are an enigma.

Skoodge reads as... more impulsive than anything (and maybe a little anxiety-riddled but that might also just be me projecting). He doesn't strike me as a critical thinker who really tries to like... weigh the consequences of his actions. He just does shit and when it doesn't work out he does more. I imagine that's what most irkens are like, actually, now that I think about it...

His gut instinct must be controlling him because if it isn't then I honestly can't find any good explanation as to how he's survived for so long.

Which perfectly segways me into something a little more analyzing-like:

Skoodge is a cockroach.

He got shot out of a cannon and still comes back to the Empire. He... really does seem to believe that being here will help him out somehow. As if it hasn't already been proven that nothing he will do will satisfy the society he hails from.

Desperation can make you do desperate things; and Skoodge's entire character just reeks of desperation.

From apparently being considered to eat his own skin (before being deemed too much by the network) [no screenshot available because I don't even know how I'd begin to look for it] to the more canonical screaming-like-a-baby whenever something happens to him, it kinda makes you wonder how the hell he even got to where he is in the first place.

Now, this is more speculation than actual evidence, but I think it's a fair enough bet to say that Skoodge earned his title as an invader. He has no height to propel him forward in society, so whatever he did would've had to've involved sheer tenacity and an inclination for survival.

He is almost definitely, genuinely, afraid of death. And because of that, he just... doesn't die.

I know at an objective view, he doesn't die because it's funnier that way, and helps with jokes and gags, but like... c'mon. This is a deep analysis post. I'm allowed to get a little indulgent with it.

Treading into more theorization-territory here.

Irkens are raging Xenophobes.

And Zim fits this bill perfectly! He's slotted himself into this mindset without any issue, making up... unique slurs for humans and other things he comes by. Because he tries too hard to be a perfect irken. Maybe. That's a topic for someone that's insane about Zim, not me. This is about my guy.

If Zim is the perfect representation of an irken soldier (on a purely superficial level), then Skoodge is an outlier. Not in that he's good at his job; he's supposed to be! No, rather, his differences lie in his temperance. His composure, whatever you call it. He is far too complacent and even possibly a bit meek, if you wanna go ahead and call him that.

You see that? That right there is respect for a... honestly almost certainly, by irken standards, inferior species.

Now, this could either mean one of three things.

Either A) Skoodge is not space racist (best case scenario)

or B) Skoodge lacks self-confidence; not seeing himself as superior, and thus being compliant and respectful to the obvious figure of authority in front of him.

or C) Skoodge does not have respect for his Empire (very unlikely, seeing as the only reason he's still here is because he's trying to gain a promotion from said Empire)

Shooting down option A immediately with this dialogue here (Battle Of The Planets)

Sorry folks... he is very much so still space racist.

As for option B...

I'm going to be completely honest here. I think I've been interpreting this wrong in my series. I have a whole lot of complex reasons explaining why Skoodge doesn't have much confidence, but honestly, he reads as more... chill. And down-to-earth, than he does as self-loathing.

There is possibly evidence of him having a more quiet and subdued personality, instead of just him not being a xenophobe; and it comes from the very first episode!

Crying in front of the tallest at the Assigning. Admittedly, Larb cried too; but he at least had enough push in him to say something.

Skoodge doesn't. He's even disheartened by the Tallest's initial jeering of him! Which admittedly, might not be the best example of low self-esteem, because those are the literal Leaders of his fucking Empire... but it is definitely a shift from him being the proud, confident, short-and-ugly invader that he's shown to be in Battle Of The Planets. Invading Blorch must've really (rightfully) inflated his ego.

Which he normally lacks.

He lacks ego, but that doesn't mean he lacks confidence. He knows that he's good at things in spite of his flaws, and takes pride in it! Even though that pride ends up shooting him in his own foot. Sad.

And why is it that he lacks ego? Every other irken thus far (sans maybe Sizz-lorr) has demonstrated just how... important. It is for them to have one. How almost ingrained into their nature their egos are. Why does Skoodge not go on to boast about his glory when any other irken in his situation would? Again, it's going to be another one of those things that I just can't be too sure about, but I'm going to hazard to say that it's because he's so physically flawed. Short and ugly. (Probably the reason why his uniform is stained. Why put forth the effort to make your uniform look good if it's impossible for the rest of you?)

There is. Almost no doubt in my mind, that he's had to fight tooth and nail to get to where he is, claw his way to the top. And if he's done that, he knows the struggle of being lower? He knows because no matter how high he gets, he'll still always be that "lower"? augh. what the fuck.

Skoodge has been humbled by this because he's been reminded of it at almost every point in his life. He doesn't boast to inferiors because he knows that there is nothing to boast, that he is technically one of those inferiors. Because even despite his successes, someone will always go on to point out his flaws.

Which really brings attention to Battle Of The Planets, to the Tallest pointing out his flaws. He just had his greatest success. Purple gave him one flaw, he gave another. And he gave it proudly.

... SECRET FOURTH OPTION D YEAHHHH BABY!!!!

FAWN RESPONSE.

With his inclination towards survival it would make sense to reason that he's only polite in front of potentially-threatening company because it means that he's less likely to get pummeled for being. Anything else.

Being polite is just as credible a survival technique as anything else! We just don't get to see any other irkens using it.

Skoodge is. Competent. He conquered his planet first!

He's a good invader. And that's probably because he knows when to run.

He's very vocal about it, if he knows (or thinks) that there's someone around to assist him. Silent with his impending doom (ha) at the Assigning, but very very loud when being chased down in the canyon by the hogulus in Hobo 13.

Now, I don't know about you, but irkens don't really strike me as the kind of species to back down from anything. To me, they read as more of a "do it or die" kinda group. Again, this whole trait kiiiinda almost begging to be pegged as outlier. The only thing that makes me on the fence about this one is, again, the fact that it's a cartoon and Skoodge's fear might be for the sake of gags.

That doesn't really explain this though. He has literally no reason to be scared here. In this specific scenario (Day Of Da Spookies! unfinished episode) he's disguised as a human. Every person there is none the wiser to him and his alien nature. He's just... like this...? All the time? Apparently? Maybe?

Or maybe! There's other things at play here!

Skoodge is competent...

... but.

A friend put it into better words than I could:

His brain turns to mush whenever he's around Zim.

(Honestly, the volunteer line might actually add on to his possible lack of self-respect? Hard to say if it's that, or if he's just that desperate to give respect at the sign of any spare bit of authority, even if that authority comes from an irken shorter than him.)

It makes me wonder if most of what we've seen of him is just Zim's influence on him. Scared at the Assigning? He didn't know Zim was there, so that had to have been genuine. Saluting to an inferior species? He had to have known that Zim was there, because Zim introduced himself first (and very loudly at that), but I think it was also genuine because Zim wasn't directly influencing him?

Screaming because of the hogulus and running like a child from some humans? Those are almost definitely Zim's doing. I just. Don't know How.

Screaming is a weakness, I think; at least it should be (in the eyes of irkens), and when Skoodge does it he does it because he seems convinced that Zim will help him. And yet Zim never does! Skoodge has no reason to believe this!

But still, believe he does.

They had to have been... kind of close? At one point in their lives.

Potentially. I don't know how close a person can get to Zim, but Skoodge has just barely managed to do it, by virtue of the fact that he is quite possibly the only living thing in the universe that can tolerate being around Zim for more than five seconds.

And his cockroach-itude. That definitely helps. You can't be killed by Zim's passive destructive radius if you genuinely just can't fucking die at all.

But that explains nothing of his weird eagerness to do things for Zim. It borders on obsessive. It might actually be obsessive, since he's apparently been living in Zim's vents ever since the events of Hobo 13. Without telling him.

Skoodge is fucking deranged. Skoodge doesn't even register as a blip on Zim's radar of people-to-acknowledge, but he will still always just do things for him, and be excited to, too!

I don't know what's wrong with him. The less easy and definitely one too many steps detached from canon explanation would be that he views Zim as the ideal irken and strives to be like him. The easiest explanation would be that he just really likes Zim.

Gosh. Even that still raises the question of how or why he would. Zim is fucking terrible to not just him, but everyone. He is unbiased in whose life he ruins.

And Skoodge is perfectly content with just letting Zim ruin his.

man. i hate him. i really really do.

[vesora]

reminding you of your true power - manifestation

do you feel alone? are you going through hard circumstances and you feel bad because growing up, all anyone ever said to you was completely negative? 

this sounds like an ad to a dodgy scheme but its not 

i am here to tell you anything that anyone ever said to you, no matter who it is, it could have been beyonce (i bring her up a lot) but it aint real

because how can anything negative be associated with GOD? you are god. that doesnt make you delusional or egotistical because growing up im sure we all associated god with this being outside of us who is better than us and yada yada

i do believe in god still, meaning source, but i believe that god/source gave us all His abilities. we are able to create as well as He can.

so, how can you sit here and tell me that you dont deserve anything good?

“If your conception of yourself is less than that which you claim as true of God, you have robbed God” (i think neville said this im not sure)

now tell me what you would associate god with? for me it is:

pure unconditional love, the almighty creator, limitlessness, pure forgiveness

you already have all this within you but “your refusal to believe this is the only reason you do not see it” (-neville)

you do not have to BECOME limitless, or BECOME a master manifestor because you already ARE everything you desire

but sora why cant i see proof of this?

if you are just starting out, lack in persisting or you have had hard circumstances and fail to believe that you truly are the one and only creator, you might have to persist even more and fully embody yourself as that which you seek to be

but sora this all sounds too good to be true

we live in an epoch right now where there is a martian impulse situated from the time of jesus christ meaning that earth right now is dominated with the need to work hard, to compete, to fight because what is mars associated with? war, aggression, heavy masculinity

humans used to live in an epoch - lemuria / kinda atlantis until they lost their shit and became overly concerned with technology like how we are rn - where it was extremely natural to manifest. telepathy, levitation, full control of one’s body was completely normal because it is a human’s TRUE nature to be in line with divine consciousness meaning to be less dense (less concerned with the physical world)

this power hasnt left us, if it sounds too good to be true as it once did for me, it means that you havent completely let go of the conditioning that society put in you because why would the elite want you to realise your true power?

but i am telling you right now that you are powerful. idk if u r a small town girl from ohio named betsy, u r POWERFUL because you are made of the same consciousness that god is made of.

now i had made this post initially to offer support for people going through bad things so ill go back to that rn

you are not alone. this blogger named vesora (shes pretty cool) is here for you. we do not need to know each others names, faces or livelihoods, just simply the fact that you are aware of my existence and i of yours (yes i check my notes and manifest the best for everyone), we are set and bonded. for humans share a special connection that others cant replicate.

i love you, if you havent heard it in a while or if you wanna hear it again. i love you and i love how you are trying even if things are hard but remember success is guaranteed for that is the gift given to you as soon as you were born. i see you, i dont care if you feel unseen, unloved, unworthy; i see you, i love you, i know you are worthy. and since all humans are one - one consciousness - u love urself too. just accept you do. ପ(๑ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ଓ

yes u can be like tanjiro too

[messenger-of-stupidity]

However, Your Mother

Welcome back to another Shaw Mates Group Chat Post that totally hasn't been sitting completed in my drafts for over a month because I forgot to post it nope not at all that would be utterly ridiculous ahahaha

This is pretty short though because my brain has been filled with angst for the past several months and crack isn't really doing much for me atm.

CW: Angel is back on their crack shit but keeps getting rejected, Baabe is living for the gossip, Sweetheart is a bit more active, Sam just wants some normality but he should know better by now fr fr

Actual CW: Crack, Cursing, Shenanigans, GN Listeners, Any gendered terms are purely for the memes and should not be taken seriously in any kind of way.

<- Previous ---- Masterlist ---- Next ->

Sweetheart: My supervisor is literally dog turds

Angel: i dont know whether to be happy i wasnt first or upset that u didnt say cat litterbox droppings

Baabe: what happened invisi?

Sweetheart: Were circling back to that nickname later. Whats wrong is that theyre making me stay late

Angel: but but 2nites mate nioght

Sweetheart: I know it is thats why Im upset

Baabe: theres only one thing left to do. we cause a error in the computer system and hold their information hostage so that way invisi can sneak out. get it? sneak? cause theyre a stealth? im so funny.

Sam: I knew it was too much to hope that for once this was a normal and legal conversation, and yet I did so regardless. Good lord.

Angel: vamp daddy

Angel: welcome to another episode of davey is gonna kill me

Baabe: whatd you do?

Angel: hol up a sec i need to wait for invisi and vamp daddy to be here

Baabe: if this was discord we could @ them.

Angel: omg it would be so fun to have a mates disc call

Baabe: IT WOULD

Sam: This is the highest level of my tolerance. I don't think I could handle a group call with all of you. Especially without David to monitor.

Angel: davey do be a sexy supervisor vroom vroom

Sam: I'm never going to be able to look at David the same now. Thank you for that.

Angel: yw now where is my invisible hoe

Baabe: imma call them.

Angel: that just leaves vamp daddy and me (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Sam: Oh dear lord.

Angel: nope just me

Sweetheart: Whatd I miss

Baabe: angel fucked up again.

Sweetheart: Oh good

Angel: cool now that everyones here

Angel: how does one get dough off high ceilings and back into the kitchen

Sam: Do I even want to know how you managed that?

Baabe: by asking you have become complicit. congrats!

Sam: Shit.

Sweetheart: Before I tell you I wanna know how tf you managed to do that

Angel: so i was making pizza rite

Baabe: its gonna be a multi text situation. neat.

Angel: and the impulsive urge to yeet that motherfucker at the ceiling with the force of a thousands suns came upon this bitch

Sam: And that should be a lesson in control, kiddos.

Angel: but i couldnt do it in the kitchen because i wasnt in the kitchen

Sweetheart: Then where tf were you

Angel: in davey and me bedroom

Baabe: omg this keeps getting better. i cant wait to tell Ash.

Angel: we have hella high ceilings so i got on the bed and threw the dough at the ceiling

Angel: now its stuck and davey is gonna come home any minute

Sweetheart: I lied I have no idea how to get pizza dough off high ceilings I just wanted to hear the story hehehehe

Angel: ((유∀유|||))

Baabe: all mates are wonderful. all werewolves are awesome (except chrissy all my homies hate chrissy) but Ash is by far the best. <3

Angel: omg i literally luv my house husband

Sweetheart: Disagree what evidence do you have

Baabe: three words invisi.

Angel: i love you

Baabe: no

Angel: rejected by my waifu im never gonna financially recover alexa play the wheels on the bus

Baabe: breakfast. in. bed.

Sweetheart: Three words for you

Angel: i love you

Sweetheart: No

Angel: rejected twice in one day by my waifus alexa play arabian nights

Sweetheart: Crumbs. In. Bed.

Sam: Why was this what I had to come in to?

Angel: sam wont reject me will u vamp daddy

Sam: Without hesitation I absolutely will.

Angel: im literally gonna kms ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 7

welcome the the seventh fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. tender by sunswathe [EXPLICIT]

This is the absolute last thing they should be doing right now.

Not when Pidge is known for crashing into Keith’s room in the middle of the night for no reason other than being bored.

Not when he can hear Hunk’s loud snoring, muffled through the door.

Not when his sister is just outside, sleeping on the couch, while Lance is in Keith’s room, sleeping with her childhood best friend.

But Lance couldn't care less.

i’m gonna be real w yall ur gonna see a lot of secret relationship fics bc im obsessed with them. theres something about the tenderness of privacy and intimacy of secrecy that just Gets To Me. this fic lived up to its title exactly

2. right hand man by laidellennt

As his right hand man, Lance grows closer to Keith and realizes a few things about him, as well as a few things about himself.

In other words, Lance realizes he has a major crush on Keith.

look the red paladin lance black paladin keith dynamics Grew on me okay. i cannot live without them now they are so so powerful. this fic is fun and fluffy and it features pining lance, whom i adore. also keiths whipped ass referring to lance as his right hand man and impulse control will never fail to make me scream

3.  A Look, a Dance by @ohcontrary [explicit-ish??]

What would it be like to have Keith's arms wrapped around him for real, not as a distraction? And that look. What would it be like for it to mean jealousy, to mean desire? Lance shuddered, heat curling at the base of his spine before he stopped, sobering quickly as he remembered the serious way Keith had named him ‘my paladin.’

i specifically remember having to walk this one off. u know when a fic is so good that u actually cant take it and have to take a break to cool off?? yeah that was this fic. the PINING. dear lord. it was so wonderful. i have several lines from this screenshotted in my devotion scrapbook. please please give it a read.

4.  Red Together by @ohcontrary [again explicit-ish]

A series of Klance fics featuring Shy!Lance and Flirty!Keith. Part 5 in progress on the.grrrl.aliens!

[Mostly based on fanart. Have a piece you wanna see written? send it to me on tumblr!]

another thing by @ohcontrary bc her fics are always a hit. this series was one of the first if not the first to pioneer the shy/flustered lance tag, so we all owe it a great service fr. i never got to read part five bc i dont have patreon but i imagine the whole thing was amazing. ohcontrary i miss u and this series will always be a fave

5. you love me (don’t let me go) by jjkimchi (orphan_account)

Lance forgets he's married to Keith.

do not be fooled, friends, for there is no angst here. there is a brief moment of disorientation from lance proceeded immediately by he and keith being Trouble and causing Drama, bc of who they are as people. this fic makes me laugh every time. 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[terminalisms]

caved so quick to the 2nd muse impulse o mein gott......throwing sejoon into the mix with another minimal stats page + round two of rambly character intros 😵‍💫 if u are interested in plotting just like this post or add me on discord!! (tip.toph) 🥰

tw! mentions of terminal illness, death of a parent

only son to 2 anomalies. plain jane working class background

in a past life, dad is still a top tier hardboiled detective who doesn't gotta think about the fact he has a wife and kid at home

in this one, mom is inconveniently out of the picture for......... [vague gestures] reasons and he has to hunker down into single father life fast. ends up opening a restaurant in order to be able to provide

but in spite of all of this his childhood isn't so bad! he and his dad are close despite obvious stark differences in personality, which can be summed up as naive softie vs cynical hardass. even if sejoon's too trusting ways has dad up at night wondering how the hell is this kid gonna survive on his own

also dad: [does the absolute most to keep him shielded and sheltered cause he's Seen Things and as a parent's bare minimum that means letting a kid being a kid. which means shoving things deep under a rug and the default response to any inkling of curiosity being "Don't worry about it"]

until sejoon's anomaly kicks in at 12-13 by making a patron's chair float on accident and his dad's like k. better late than never......

its a little (ok a lot) hard to coach sejoon through controlling his abilities considering dad's own anomaly is not anything remotely close to moving things w his mind (its memory manipulation btw for some hwang fam #trivia) and sejoon is like ): but this is so cool why shouldnt i wanna show it off......

their deeply anti-anomaly district with equally staunchly anti-anomaly neighbors, friends, politicians being a VERY good reason not to: (:

dad: wear this patch thingie. dont ask why just do what i say

(thank god for nullivi huh like seriously)

doesnt stop the bubble bursting with when people realize ur not "human" they treat u different but ykw.........the sun is still shining and the world is much much bigger than their humble slice of daegu for EVERYONE to be that way

sua's open for admissions just around the time sejoon's thinking about higher ed AND broadening his horizons. gets in on arts scholarship and off he goes

baby bird leaving the nest turns fish out of the water. college and seoul are a bit of an adjustment but exciting all the same. and he does thrive! gets involved in the sporting rallies, really developing his artistic vision, has a social life, and gets to be his #true self among fellow anomalies the whole enchilada

things only really go downhill in the last 6 months of his undergrad with 2 wrecking balls: a devastating breakup and (TW: ILLNESS, DEATH) his dad being diagnosed by stage iv lung cancer

its right after graduation that sejoon immediately falls off the face of the earth for 3 years to be his father's sole caretaker until his death (END OF TW) no one i mean no one knows what he was doing or where he is

but hes back now to do his mfa!! let the bella loca where the hell have u been-isms begin

vibe wise hes bright, social, easy to talk to but can also be kind of spacey eccentric and the ultimate pacifist. the type that makes u feel like u guys are sooo close but then when u reflect ur like actually idk if i really know much about him at all (which!! is not totally intentional he just makes for a better listener and is great at making conversation about what YOU have to say). these days that same can do energy is there but it doesnt feel the same if u look too close but its fine!!! everything is fine

plots that are marginally better than the first time around but not by much:

friends who were blindsided by him going mia without warning

friends who are gracious enough (or equally ??????? avoidant? weird even) to pick up where they left off like nothing happened in the first place

people who dont even know who he is so like none of the above for his sob story doesnt even really matter

this is really really limited to one (1) person but somebody who managed to run into him in the three years that he was laying low

will require extensive plotting but the ex......not necessarily endgame but i am in the mood for some bittersweet woulda shoulda coulda's, angst and answering the penultimate question of: why did we break up?

former teammates? i imagine he was part of house samjoko during undergrad

ur a stranger feeling nosy and ur ultimate mission is figuring out where hes been. he lets u speculate

u need someone to do ur graphics. can be contractual pro bono whatevah.......

im running out of steam here but i am open to it all please hmu

[kachimera]

celia, arikado, leon, sara for the bingo 👁️👁️

Celia

Oh what a mess of a woman. I know it's more of a writing flaw but i adore how she switches between being a threatening villain to the most incompetent moron ever (seriously girl you fake murder Dracula's reimcarnation's crush and you expect him to not instantly murder you? Fr?). Plus depending on the source she either is legit indoctrinated in her cult's beliefs which gives her a sad facet or she has the more selfish purpose of preserving her own dark magic (and what do i say? I can make both work. I think). Plus the way it can be implied that she might have contact n even collaboration w Arikado makes it better (sorry for the ppl reading this but yes it works i swear im not insane). Go silly gal go! Play Machiavellian schemes with the literal son of the dark lord and underestimate your enemy!

Arikado

Oh boi and talking abt Arikado; the common idea of a grown up n stable Alucard finding stability after "ending" the cycle is fine and all, but the implication from his AoS n DoS behaviour that he is in a terrible mental state and unable to let go of the cycle? Beautiful. Amazing. Need me more of that. He's this beautiful mini reflection of the revenge cycle, and after living through it, with the goal of murdering his own father, for so long, and having it as his sole purpose, it has devoured him n broken him. And he now wants to take control of it with his own hands, is showing both the worst behaviour of both his father AND the Belmonts (haha SotN parallels w Richter) and might end up making matters worse :) (I blame you for indoctrinating me into the neg character arc Alu, thank u) Anyways someone force this poor moron to take vacations before he loses it

Leon

THE HIM. MY BABY BOI. I love his honor n morals and how he chooses them in the face of great suffering. His bravery and impulsiveness. How he's sassy can fall into black n white thinking. How loyal he is to those close to him and how much he cares. The balance between his own feeling n his morals. The parallels w Mathias n Sara n Rinaldo. And just hmmmgjsgkwkgd my poor boi

I can't decide if i want him to recover from the LoI events or if I want him to be consumed by his traumas and thirst for revenge but in any case he goes into the blender *puts him into a sock w stones and smacks him against the walls multiple times*

Also, salt warning here but i feel like fandom either exaggerates his neg traits and acts like Mathias descent into madness ("hello church can i abandon our very important military campaign to be at home w my best friend. He needs cuddles n emotional support that will surely fix him. No it's not gay dont worry. Thanks :)"), Sara getting sealed into the VK (which she insisted on and convinced him despite his initial refusal) n the Belmont clan's burden (he did got them into monster hunting w the whip but there's no way he knew how bad things were gonna get) were all 100% his very well informed fault; Or makes him into an idiot sunshine boi who doesn't knows what death is (he's an undefeated warrior with a who knows how large body count) can't think or lead (he maintained the company undefeated during Mathias' illness) and a perfect innocent n easy to manipulate uke for his sexy older seme (I'm not saying they canonically fucked you can perfectly interpret their relationship as 100% platonic or having something but deciding to respect their girls or etc etc. But if they did the nasty then he had to rail Mathias at least a couple of times). I admit im veeery biased and picky regarding this balance but still. He has facets i say

Sara

Yes my anger girl. Let her commit crimes. I wanna write a post abt her but to resume i love her as a symbol of destroyed innocence (ha). A sweet gal who did helped everyone and was good n nice and disliked violence only to have her life ruined in so many ways that her inner frustration blooms into a divine wrath n bloodthirst. Like i said before I adore her relationship w Leon and how they made eachother better n then worse :). Plus, the manual describes her as strong hearted! She obviously loved Leon n was happy to see him! sacrificed her life in order to not turn into a vampire and instead stop Walter from harming more innocents! She has agency and her choice was crucial not only for Mathias convoluted plan but for the whole cycle. (Ppl stop forcing the "boring 100% sweet harmless never angry gal who always got dragged around by men as an object" archetype on her challenge. Yes i used to be like that but i got gud. If i can recover so others can)

And then she had to see how Mathias betrayed her n Leon and then tried to take him, and dealt w the mess that post-canon Leon was, both together but separated, furious and crushed on the other's behalf, until his death :). AND then she had to wait hundreds of years to avenge him only to have to kill the same bastard over and over and over again. Mix in vampire corruption and you have a caring but toxic Belmont Matriarch/Whip stuck in the cycle. So yea let her have negative emotions and commit crimes (Sorry John).

[scarsmood]

how do you know you wont act upon the urges? doesnt the whole "searching out for more" thing about porn still apply to paraphilias? do you not fear of getting too comfortable and accepting of your paraphilias? how do you not fear of slipping up and acting on them?

Tw rape and paraphilia discussion

Here’s the thing you don’t know me lmao. I just make little tumblr post’s and that isn’t indicative to who I am as a person 24/7.

You have to accept your paraphilias actually that’s a healthy thing to do. You might be getting acceptance crossed with encouragement. You might wanna check my b3astiality tag but some studies found that actual beastiality isnt often committed from sexual attraction it’s usually motivated from other means. I think more often its commited sadozoophilia or sadistic zoophilia where you enjoy animals in pain.

I dont have that lol, i also am not afraid im gonna “do it” because i cant even act out my zoophilia specifically cause i only like animals x animals. So if i “lost it” the worst thing i could do is idk?? Watch animals get nasty like a little creep. Issue is i also only really get sexually attracted to animals like threatening wolves. So id specifically have to seek out tigers? Cause thats kinda close, even then its iffy. Probably isn’t gonna do anything for me tbh cause its still so far off.

It means typically what’s happening is my system is getting down w it internally or someone wants to do feral rp. You could commission art i guess. That’s still not that “crazy”

Let’s pick something else though. I have a few paraphilias and my zoophilia is basically useless. It’s not something I’m ever worried about but how about biastophilia or rape. That’s if you ask me much more worrying. Very real world and very easy to do.

That one specifically, because of my extensive sexual abuse history is what I’d call my “problem paraphilia” it also isn’t really recognized as one officially but thats okay this is more about answering the question “how do you handle impulses?”

I have gone and done extensive therapy for trauma, I’ll be honest pre-therapy i committed minor or major acts with sexual assault. So it’s a very alive problem. Because of DID i also didn’t even know i did this until roughly last year. So thats cool. Here’s what helps impulses I’ve found for paraphilias that actually have teeth and can cause serious harm.

Trauma associated with the paraphilia has to be treated, its a strong motivator to act. I did EMDR and still do it works very well for me. Secondly finding an outlet and appropriate expression is important it doesn’t have to be BDSM it could just be breaking things in a controlled area or drawing, walking, something to let out the energy that fulfills you and makes you feel safe.

You can still do BDSM, CNC does scratch the itch pretty well but what I find solves it more are trauma related grounding techniques. I have to avoid and neutralize triggers, do grounding techniques, toss in some DBT and CBT. Its an art form.

Do I feel like im gonna slip up ever? Honestly, yeah. Sometimes I feel out of control and it’s developed into a paranoia of “its gonna happen im a monster ect” that circles back to grounding and trauma therapy. I have my own set of grounding techniques when I feel that way. I do them until I become confident again that I’m okay and stable. If I can’t seem to that I do old reliable. Get the fuck away from me. I’m out of here im chilling in my room alone until this shit gets better.

Since the “paraphilia” or impulse is trauma based. I find i am most dangerous when someone tries to rape me. How ironic! This has happened a lot unfortunately and became a legitimate defense mechanism. I am quite happy to be monogamous now because instead of dealing with shit heads i get to be with my partner. If someone starts acting that way towards me now its easier to blow them off because i can justify thats cheating. So none of that bullshit.

Since my ex raped me a lot. Were talking upwards of 100+ cause it was weekly for 8 years. If i see someone that looks like him i can get a little angry that way. But after therapy its been pretty died down. It’s not a very visceral reaction i can accept the emotions and move on.

In summary, i think most paraphilias if theres is no harm specifically in their definition its not gonna be a problem. When it is though it’s best to learn DBT and CBT i enjoyed EMDR and my therapist helped me understand the signs before you commit to an impulse. Which will look different for everyone. You have to accept its a part of you as well. I didn’t pre therapy which meant i never understood until it was to late what i wanted to do. Recognizing your past, your impulses and how that’s also you and then embracing them and giving those parts of yourself resources to cope better is so hard. But it’s extremely important to do. It’s not beneficial for the person acting out those things either. It comes with guilt, shame the inability to trust yourself. Thats why it’s so important to even acknowledge its there.

With my sexual abuse it’s a family tradition/s the one that they all have in common is no one accepts it. No one talks about it. No one addresses it. You have to accept these things or else the cycle doesn’t stop. Hope that answers your question :>

[nabumalikata]

ok heres my opinions on the archons so far ^_^

venti: idc about him much yet but i feel like i will. that bitch has secrets. love the wings on his archon outfit. tell me about the god of time and your connection to the afterlife you little freak of a man. also im mad at him on behalf of rosalyne, she deserved to kick him in the chest. deserved to do it again too

zhongli: i feel like his decision to fake his death by flinging his corpse into a bunch of people was weird but its ok. i fucking love that a long time ago he went door to door as morax basically being a pest control guy getting those weird little creatures out of people’s houses one by one. what the FUCK was the contract he made with the tsaritsa

ei: okay so i like her. was throwing her son out a window and dissociating for hundreds of years and letting everything go to shit and people die and suffer a good move? no but like i get it if all my friends and family died id probably wanna do the same thing. also how she is the shadow god not the lightning god is rly cool. and how she apparently sacrificed her body but makoto put it back and then she sacrificed it AGAIN and now she lives in a sword. wish she and scara literally got to meet like at all before he retconned himself tho. would be rly interesting

nahida: um thats a little baby. only helpful/useful archon we met so far. fucked that they put her in the hamster ball for being stupid at age 1. i like her a lot too. she had rly great development over the course of the aq and her second story quest was really good. thats my little friend. but i do wish her design had like elements from ANY of the cultures sumeru represents instead of just some white bell shaped dress :/

furina: wife as fuck. ive been posting about her a lot recently you’ve probably seen it. she’s insecure and feels like she needs to be entertaining for people to like her and i dont think shes stupid so much as she is just impulsive. the voice in the fountain post aq is really concerning whats wrong girl. and um. where was she before ascending? cuz shes not like nahida (born when the prev archon died) since nahida is the noted youngest one so she had to have been some sort of being before ascending to archon like the electro twins or the contract god or ventis little wind sprite thing.

pyro archon: apparently she’s dead or going to die. i am fucking begging them not to make her white. expectations are so low im not even sure how i can possibly disappointed but i know they will somehow anyway

the tsaritsa: GO GIRL GO!!!!!!!!!! whatever the fuck shes doing i support it. fuck celestia!!! get those gnoses!!! i like her a lot based on what little we know. cant wait to meet her and not fight her and join her side and love her

[actualbird]

SOME HEADS UPS ABOUT TOT MAIN STORY 6 SPOILERS since main story 6.1 is opening up in an hour aaaAA

i humbly request that nobody send me asks that contain story content spoilers for main story 6!!! at least for like.....2 days kajbkfjsa, im gonna devour this story like a python with a dislocatable jaw, just chucking it into my system. but til i finish whats available currently, pls no asks w spoilers!! i have terrible impulse control and WILL click on inbox if i get a new thing kajbkfsfa

that being said, i will be posting reactions to main story 6 as i play. i will tag these reactions with "#tot spoilers" and also note at the beginning of the post with "// main story 6.1 spoilers" (and when 6.2 drops, i'll note it in the beginning with the same thing, jus with 6.2). for those who dont wanna get spoiled, filter and/or blacklist these terms

that is all! now i sit here and wait and will inevitably wail cuz the 6.1 is gonna open at exactly 9am in my timezone. aka during work shift EXACTLY BEGINS //SOBSSSSS

EDIT: lol i miscounted, it starts at 10am for me. but same difference HAHAKJBSF

[cosmos-fudge]

so this might turn into part ask blog thing soo info (drawings of characters when drawing tablet works again)

long post

i have a lot of characters so ima start with my main ones rn (i also haven't made all the characters yet :b) fantasy series (that i haven't started work on it will be a comic/animation series) Teo (tea-o) height: 5,7 pronouns: he/they (mostly he/him) gender: male sexuality: asexual & aromantic age: 20 birthday: March 27th extra info: "talks like this," archer, the eldest of the trio, wears a mask & covers half of his face with hair cause scarring, quiet, kinda rude, doesn't like of getting touched, likes cats, dark fluffy hair, knows when they need to be kind/caring, will shoot you, protects people he cares about, shortest in the group, Keiron (key-ron) height: 5,9 pronouns: he/him gender: trans man sexuality: bisexual age: 16 birthday: October 28th extra info: "talks like this," main character, trans man, ex-royalty (used to be a prince), kinda dumb, sweet, impulsive, get way to in the moment (jumped off a cliff once because of that), learning to use a bow, uses a sword, has a sibling type rivalry with al Allie/Al (al-E) height: 5:8 pronouns: she/they gender: fem nonbinary sexuality: pansexual, poly age: 17 birthday: June 15th extra info: "talks like this," uses a sword, missing left eye so they wear an eyepatch, runs fast, hyper, "FIGHT ME!!" also impulsive but "I HAVE FUCKING IMPULSE CONTROL KEIRON!!" "*distant* FUCK YOU!!", has a sibling type rivalry with Keiron (they aren't related tho), still sweet but in a mean ish way personality's (do not have DID or anything like it, its just parts of my personality into characters, I have 3 so far) Mike height: 6,3 pronouns: he/him gender: cis male sexuality: bisexual (likes men more tho) age: 25-27 birthday: October 31st (they don't have actual bdays so they choose them) extra info: "talks like this"❤, prick, over confident (but still hates himself), I bring him out when I'm scared cause he is that over confident strong masculine feeling that gets rid of most of my fear, don't touch him or his friends. protecc. Nico height: 6 ft pronouns: they/she/he gender: genderqueer sexuality: somewhere around pansexual & bisexual age: 19-23 birthday: February 14th extra info: "talks like this"🌷, super impulsive, the most impulsive & loud, my super hyper & easily excitable side, WILL chug 8 monsters, extrovert, extrovert who adopts introverts, "I WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HURTING MY CHILD-"🌷 fuck around & find out, don't touch her or anything weirdly if you do you will be lucky to escape him with broken bones. "I'm here what do ya need?"🌷 protecc & attacc, Ann height: 4,9 pronouns: doesnt really go by anything but fine with they/them gender: doesn't have one sexuality: aromantic & asexual age: doesnt really have one birthday: April 13th extra info: "talks like this", shy, quiet, that feeling of random intense fear & sadness i get, wont talk much, doesnt like being put on the spot, gets overwhelmed easily, be nice >:(, "c-can you please leave me alone? I don't wanna talk right now.." likes cats & plushies, HATES/TERRIFIED of being touched, Neo height: 5,8 pronouns: he/they/it gender: doesnt have one sexuality: doesnt label themself as anything but will date anyone as long as they arent a prick, kinda asexual age: 21-23 birthday: december 23 extra info: "talks like this"🔋, newest one, not to hyper but doesnt really get tired, the least angry/doesnt get as angry as the others do, plushies :), dont know much about it yet, hasnt been to be dragged into the FNF fandom, yet. the key word there is YET! and finally, mod info! height: 5,2 for now pronouns: they/them he/they gender: Agender sexuality: Pansexual age: Minor birthday: Dec 22nd extra info: "talks like this" can kinda draw & animate,, i never stop talking, dumb, rat bastard, goblin, swear to much, will kill someone for you, "I'm here what do ya need?" ✨useless✨, gets obsessed with things easily, rn its FNF, getting back into UNDERTALE, Minecraft, dsmp(haven't watched it yet cause I'm waiting for things to get better again), TBHK.

simping for my best friend, major sweet tooth, vent a lot, overshare, discord & discord server Whitty#3120 https://discord.gg/S35THKzYXS , stabby stabby :), *dumbass mode activate* REEEEE, e,

[chocowhomps]

i forgot i said id use this blog for headcannon or more accurately i guess kin talk too that im too shy to talk abt on main so NICE im gonna do that

OK I DECIDED IM READ MOREING THIS BECAUSE ITS OBSCENELY LONG BUT

if you want to read it: its about kevin and eddys future relationship as a couple and also talks abt my fankid for them

im rly excited to draw my fankid for adult kevin n eddy bc im very obsessed w everyone sticking together as a big squad of friends post bps and just being each others support as they mature. and even when everyone grows up into adults theyre all a tight knit gang

and eddy and kevin move into eddy’s parents house bc they buy a house in hawaii or somewhere tropical and eddys been working at his dad’s used car lot since college bc he didnt wanna go back to school, and his dad basically retires and hands him the keys

(theres something to be said about them going through kevins attic to move all of his things out of his parents house too and kevin being all nostalgic and eddys griping about wanting to get it done already bc obligatory has a bad back and complains as if he is 50 years old or some shit but is secretly mostly embarrassed bc kevins been doing shit like pulling out their middle school grad book and saying eddy looked cute in the class picture)

and the two of them live right next door to kevins parents and eddy works full time at the lot and kevin doesnt have a stable job mostly stays at home and does the housework by choice bc he just cant find smth hes passionate for and the house is mostly paid off when they transfer it so they just get rly lucky like that. kevin doesnt mind doing the cleaning or anything either and they thoroughly discuss it, not like eddy doesnt help. but eddys hours are so sporadic since he owns the lot now and sometimes hes gone dawn to dusk. kevin likes the freedom and bakes a lot and honestly kinda has a fondness getting to take care of him bc its like a guilty pleasure (DO NOT AT ME PLEASE AAAH ITS SELF INDULGENT) but kevin DOES coach little league in his free time bc he gets antsy. he also just loves baking and stress bakes often so its not uncommon for eddy to come home early and theres fuking cooling racks on every surface and a hundred things on the go and kevins like “oh say less hey babe : ) you’re here early” and eddys like “jesus christ?”

kevin gets obligatory baby fever (dont at me) bc the moms bring babies to little league games sometimes and he just loves kids, its why he does little league aside from the sports aspect. probably brings the idea of them having a baby up over dinner and eddy chokes on a beer because the concept of kids is something hes also realized he heavily desires but is PETRIFIED of doing. he feels like he’d be a shit dad and desperately wants to be better than (God bless their souls) his parents made him feel.

he really doesnt want his kid to feel like they have something to be better than and constantly be told theyre “better than a dead beat” (ie his own brother) and even then in his like early 30s after his therapy has been consistent he STILL slips into anger and bad habits at the best of times no matter how he controls it. he is so scared he’ll hurt a kid and he doesnt want to allow himself to get attached. he’s done things thath ave hurt their friends or even kevin out of impulse and even conceptually doing that to his child, not even someone on his equal level makes him feel sick

but kevin just gets him so well. like he knows how his brain works down to every tick and he tells him exactly what he needs to hear while rubbing his shoulders. like tells him he’ll be there for him and he needs to just fucking trust himself for once and stop holding onto the little boy he was when he was a kid like that person whos still spiteful and lashes out at every opportunity is still him because he’s grown past it. gives him confidence and its so soft bc he can make him feel so proud of his growth so easy eddy literally just needs the most miniscule of validation and its AH

but they adopt this baby girl named nicole (nicky) and she is. my god shes the embodiment of both of them combined so shes a fucking nightmare. shes barely 8 and kevin finds her into the cookie jar on a sunday and wigs out like “what are you doing!! how did you open this!!” bc he fucking sealed it like his mom would have to do for him. and shes like “i pickeded it :p” and eddy fucking dry heave cackles leaning on the wall bc YEAH THATS MY GIRL 

i might talk more about her but this is so long and im shy lol if i dont stop now ill be too nervous to post this bye