#but if there is any place online where we can truly say fuck it we ball it should be tumblr

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

I've seen a lot of posts and polls lately asking stuff like "would you be interested in XYZ", and like...while I understand wanting that external validation and wanting people to be interested in and passionate about your projects and all ofnthose things, it is your blog. You know that, right?

I don't mean that to sound condescending, but I genuinely think that sometimes folks, myself included, can forget that these are our blogs. Where we curate what we love on them.

Tumblr is a refuge of anonymity where you can post about whatever it is that makes you happy for no reason at all and no one can say anything about it. Because you can block people and anons, you can turn off anon and messaging and submissions.

You can create a refuge for youself here and if people don't like it then they can move on and curate their own experiences and learn to regulate and take responsibility for themselves. (Which they need to be doing anyway. Don't let anyone bully you into taking responsibility for their online experiences.)

You don't have to ask permission to share your passion projects here.

Asking permission from followers, trying to appease followers and gain their approval is going to kill your creativity.

I know first hand how badly it feels when things don't take off the way you want them too. But don't let that discourage you from being passionate and creative.

If you love what you're doing then that's enough.

[miquella-everywhere]

Long time lurker, new time actually posting online because social anxiety but I love your blog and I've been heartbroken about Miquella and how the DLC absolutely brutalized his character. I wanted to say one of the weirdest and biggest retcons for me was... Why did Mohg pull Miquella from the tree? Miquella put himself there to try and cure his curse of eternal childhood. So why did Mohg make his way through all of the Haligtree and get to the roots to rip him out MID TRANSFORMATION as we can clearly see from the opening, Miquella is covered in fibers and has wings that aren't fully formed and looks absolutely malnourished and toted him all the way to the Mohgwyn Palace where he placed him in a cacoon like... Why do any of that? Why wouldn't we have just fought Mohg in the Haligtree if all Miquella was waiting for was for him to be killed to use his body for you know what? Why bother with any of that? Why not send Malenia to kill Mohg instead of Radahn? Why would Miquella charm this dude to have him drag his half-formed body clear across the map just to be like lol kill him here I guess??? Anyway, the DLC murdered my boy and I'll never shut up about it.

I.

DONT.

KNOW.

You get this whole nonsense in the DLC about how Miquella manipulated Mohg so he could shove Radahns soul into his body so he could resurrect him after we kill him during the Festival just to make his his Consort, and it's just like... really? REALLY?

REALLY????

THIS. Is what you decide to do with Miquella's character. After you had the whole base game building up his and Godwyns relationship, how he prayed for his truth death, how he made a sword of unalloyed gold to commemorate his death, how he created the Mausoleums to grant him a true death, THE STATUE IN THE HALIGTREE, and just NOPE

N O P E

GODWYN ISNT EVEN ANYTHING IN THE DLC. MIQUELLA LOVED RADAHN. RADAHN IS THE PROMISED CONSORT.

EVEN THOUGH IN THE BASE-GAME THERE IS NOTHING LINKING MIQUELLA AND RADAHN TOGETHER

NOT EVEN A SINGLE HINT OF A RELATIONSHIP

okay. okay. sure.

sure.

SURE.

whatever you fucking say.

AND MOHG.

GOD

I. Absolutely hate how the DLC has managed pull shit out of its ass to transform him into a victim. LIKE GOD. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HAVING FUCKED UP VILLIANS. THATS WHY I LIKED MOHG IN THE BASE GAME. THE FACT THAT HE WAS THIS FUCKED UP DUDE KIDNAPPING HIS HALF BROTHER TO BRING ABOUT HIS OWN DYNASTY WITH WEIRD INCESTUOUS UNDERTONES, ALL BECAUSE HE IS A MAD MAN AND SELFISH.

I

LOVE THAT.

THAT IS A VILLAIN RIGHT THERE. AND I MEAN NO OFFENSE, BUT HE SHOULDVE BEEN A ONE-NOTE VILLAIN LIKE GODRICK. HE SHOULDVE STAYED AS HE IS. AS A FUCKED UP, VILE VILLAIN AND I LOVED IT.

and now with the DLC you want me to believe that Mohg has actually been a victim, a fucking v i c t i m the entire time? the bastard who, regardless of miquella's influence, is the leader of a blood cult, kidnaps albinaurics, tortures his own nobles, and is the avatar of an outer god who craves wounds????

FIRST OF ALL. even if you do spin it as Miquella manipulating Mohg to kidnap him IT STILL MAKES NO SENSE!!!! LIKE YOU SAID. WHY WOULD MIQUELLA BOTHER EMBEDDING HIMSELF INTO THE HALIGTREE IF HE WANTED MOHG TO BECOME RADAHNS SOUL-SHOVED-INTO-BODY TO BEGIN WITH????

WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT

WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT OF THE HALIGTREE IF THAT WAS TRULY MIQUELLAS END GAME

and now fromsoft really wants me to be behind the idea of shoving all those weird incestous undertones onto Miquella; completely disregarding the base lore that he created a haven for the outcasts, tried everything to cure his sister, wanted to free Godwyn from his cursed powers existence, created unalloyed gold that can repeal the Outer Gods and their meddling, how he and radahn never even interacted

all to make him the big bad guy villain all because he loved radahn?

[yuukei-yikes]

takane's awesome for a million reasons but one of them is that she's the only one to basically... condition?? morph?? her own power as she pleases. opening eyes is technically the eye power version of a "teleportation" power. it projects your spirit somewhere else without PHYSICALLY taking u there. takane just uses it... exclusively through technology?? for some damn reason??? this is so funny bc it also exists within conditions bc she cant go anywhere with no internet and can't feel where her body is😭

azami and mary used opening to be in other places at once through projecting their spirits there (including technology), but they don't lose consciousness when they do it. we could say since takane's 100% human she can't do so much at once like them but... no other eye power has that sorta thing? everyone's able to do everything. haruka's snake can REGENERATE HIS BODY if he gets hurt like i think takane should be able to get a pass to be facetiming everywhere at once. sorry haruka and takane are fucking creatures. everyone else's eye powers don't require that much physical involvement at all. it's almost as if haruka and takane's whole thing was particularly their physical bodies getting involved as a price to pay..🤨..... the came back wrong of it all... ok sorry im getting sidetracked i was talking abt takane

BASICALLY. i truly do believe takane doesnt even know how to use opening eyes. she never read the nonexistent instructions so she made up her own way of doing it and after she gets her body back she's just been doing it that way for so long she just..yeah❤️

and also takanes the only one who had their power in Constant Activity. with that i mean takane existed through opening eyes alone for TWO YEARS. she had that shit On all the time. she had no choice bc she didn't know where her body was, she is a little stupid but this was mostly out of making the most of her situation. i think post str she should learn how to use it❤️ but can't. so she gets frustrated she can't ❤️ erm erm erm. something something haruka and takane are the only ones who cant entirely master their powers. takane uses it with these conditions (loses consciousness/exclusively online) and for haruka awakening is keeping his heart healthy but Doesnt provide Any extra strength.

anyways. all of that so i could say: au where azami lives post str and she sees the way takane uses opening and she's like. Wtf. and tries to coach her on how to use it properly but they can't understand each other and keep clashing. sorry for being cringe i like azami she should live. erm. whoa when did i write all this.

[rweoutofthewoods]

I don't think I have ever pretended I'm perfect or acted in any way like I am. I base literally all of my writing around the fact that people make mistakes, they fuck up, and that's human. There's not a single person on earth who hasn't done things they can't take back. Does that mean doing shitty things is okay just because everyone does it? No. What matters is taking accountability facing the consequences, and learning and growing from it. You can't control the way other people react, only yourself. There's so much negativity and hatred in fandom spaces and it's so easy to feed into it, egg each other on, and see the worst in every person. In February I was forced to face the fact that I was falling into that negativity and since then, I have worked hard to make sure my life, my blog, and the people I interact with all bring positivity into my life and that I bring positivity to them. I'm proud of that, and I've dropped a lot of bad habits and I'm learning to grant people grace even when they can't find it in themselves to offer it to other people. I've never had malicious intent to hurt anyone, and I truly believe most people are not bad people. Because I know I've made mistakes too, and I believe in granting understanding even if it's not returned. It's not transactional, and all you can control in this world is yourself and the way you react to things. And I spent a long time reacting negatively, but I don't anymore. I truly wish everyone well, even those who aren't in my life anymore.

I had to work hard to undo a lot of my first instincts and when I started posting online. I realized that I'd often say things brashly or harshly and they came off in ways I didn't truly mean. Or I'd get angry over something and instantly lash out. I saw the world as very black and white and I didn't often think before I spoke, because I knew that whatever I said was never that deep, but I quickly realized to some people it WAS that deep and whether I intended it that way or not, speaking harshly or meanly was wrong. It's so easy to get mean if someone disagrees with you or does something to make you mad. It's so easy to reply to asks in a cruel or passive-aggressive way if they say something you don't like and I regret times in the past when I did that. The past two months I've changed a lot about how I interact with people and the things I say, I learned my lesson.

There's a lot of drama, hatred, vendettas, and negativity in the marauders fandom. I can't control or change that or anything in the past, only what I do and who I am now. I have no ill intent toward anyone and I've never publicly acted maliciously even at my worst, and I would not ever publicly speak ill of anyone.

People fuck up, that's humanity, and you can understand that people grow and realize their mistakes or you can not, and I don't blame anyone for what they choose to do, the past has already happened. I believe so firmly in second chances and allowing people to learn. It's in everything I write, and I think that does a much better job of showing how I view the world.

I am very sorry for any occasion where I have participated in spreading negativity and to anyone who was hurt by it. I take full accountability no ifs or buts. I really have so much love for this fandom and the people in it and it should be a place where we can all respect opinions, ships, hcs, etc. I'm not interested in entertaining drama because we're all just here to enjoy our silly wizards and all I can do is continue upholding my vow to stay positive, understanding, stay accountable, and keep doing my thing, and I hope we can all try to do the same xx

[wordslikesilver]

Sometimes I think about how ready discord servers of big companies and games are to literally just ban people for being homophobic or transphobic, zero tolerance whatsoever and I think for just one moment of blinding clarity how nice it would be if tumblr was actually that intolerant and direct about online bigotry as well. If facebook was like that. If Twitter was. Suddenly I feel like I get it. I understand what it would feel like to actually be supported and truly accepted by society. Like what the fuck kind of place is this where you can just spew hate speech and face nothing from the people who keep the lights on? Why is League of Legends more queer friendly than Tumblr?

Years ago, BLM protested and made the Pride parade in my city of Toronto ban cops from being in the parade and every year that passes I feel like I get it, more and more. How dare they let them march? How dare they let the police pretend they’re not still complicit in rampant queer and BIPOC violence and discrimination to this day?

How dare Tumblr tolerate TERFs and discriminate against trans women as freely and readily as they do? Fuck it makes me so angry. There’s a taboo against saying free speech is bad but you know what? We don’t need to be lawless and indifferent to the suffering of an already discriminated against people. We don’t need to welcome everyone. There’s no slippery slope or ruthless calculus, it’s basic fucking math. Bigotry and hate speech should not be welcome. Period. You’re right, it’s not free speech anymore, it’s the super spooky censorship devil. Censorship is not evil you stupid fucks. Reddit deleting r/jailbait is censorship. Deleting incel subreddits is censorship. Deleting racist, fascist, predatory cess pool subreddits is censorship. It’s a tool. And just like a shovel can be used to kill a person, so too are it be used to clean up the garden and remove the rot and the sickness.

I truly believe deep in my heart that making space for any and all opinions to be heard is cowardice. To make space for evil to flourish and refuse to weed it out is to welcome and encourage it. This is not subjective. The systemic oppression of and hunting of minorities is not a subject with deep or complicated nuance. It is evil. It is evil and it has always been evil. We’ve been so slow in the grand scheme of history to acknowledge this, but even slower to accept that we need to be kill the myth of the censorship devil and recognize that maintaining a stance that tolerates and thus encourages bigoted behaviour is to be accomplice to a wicked and wretched, rotted evil. I believe in the inherent intelligence and goodness of humanity, I fully believe without a single faltering of my heart that we can establish on far larger scales than a fucking discord server, rules of conduct and behaviour that reject the rampant and heinous bigotry that my trans sisters and DOZENS of other minorities face day to day. I believe without a moment of doubt or wavering resolve that it can be done in clear ways that are above and beyond reproach from the incessant, inane and ill intentioned questioning and muddying of rules that of course would follow from those who would cry villainy that they can no longer voice their disgusting, hate fuelled opinions on matters of basic human rights.

I know how I sound. I know these words can be used just as easily by The Other Side about the Woke Left and Special Snowflakes with fragile feelings being cowards who can’t Get Real and accept the world’s rejection of who they are. But isn’t that what they’re really afraid of? That they’re the ones who are wrong and need to change if they still want to be welcome anywhere? We don’t welcome cops in the pride parade because being queer isn’t about everyone being valid and welcome. We are a people and a community that will not quietly bow to hatred against us. Anyone who wants to claim they support us cannot abide the proliferation of hatred against us when it happens under their own god damn roof.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Random anon here, we’ll to those who are mad at Chris, let me ask you all, what should he have done?

It’s easy to say not gotten into This mess, duh, but he’s in it and deep in it.

It’s easy on the outside looking in to say just leave but umm like the marketing anon stated….it’s a business and one thing you don’t fuck with is people’s money especially those with more power and influence than you.

See I’m not making any excuses for Chris but I see people ragging on him but never stopping to realize we don’t have the full scope of this, huge missing pieces are left out and many are inserting their opinions and speculation as facts.

Be mad sure, but had Chris said no who’s to say this man wouldn’t have ended up blacklisted, lost everything he’s worked for etc. also he’s human and the pandemic scared at lot of people, even Scott stated Chris was worried about money during a podcast in 2020, Scott laughed but I never forgot that. Pr is easy money I’m sure. Things start out looking simple and then go left, again it’s easy to say well he would have said no, at least he’d had his integrity and morals, okay…..but if he ends up on a where are they now and homeless, severe drug addiction or mental issues due to losing everything then what.

My point is we don’t know shit and it’s easy to act like we do. Chris isn’t an idiot so I assume there’s more to this and he’s stuck because no way in hell things would be playing out the way they have nor would he be looking like a shell of his former self if he had power to end this or if this were real.

He’s human, be mad but don’t act like you haven’t ever fucked up in life either. I hate the high and mighty bullshit posts from people over shit you have no knowledge of.

Hollywood is a fucked up place and let me drop a bomb on you all, majority of the shit people sit online discussing is purposely created to keep people engaged from random headlines to bs from tv shows, news stories, movies, celeb drama, we’re all entangled in the web.

Example: Marketing is creating a story about two celebs fighting or dating and in reality the celebs never met but the rumor is now out there and they test to see the reactions.

Many feel Chris image is fake due to this mess but was it? I’m sure he would have revealed himself years before this mess if this was who he truly is.

Use your brains people, don’t fall for bullshit and don’t waste time fussing and cursing Chris everyday because you think this is some simple PR stunt he chose to do or that he’s actually with her.

Truth always come to light so don’t take anything personal and sit back and just watch until it all explodes. Lies can only last so long. 💅

An🫶n, you make an excellent point. And I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Chris may be a celebrity, but he's also a guy who needs to keep money flowing in order to live.

A big possibility, purely speculation, but the PR contract must have been tied to a lot of money. Money that post pandemic, he definitely needs. So, he's selling this, failing, but selling to get the check. And as shallow as that is, he definitely needs the money like any other grown up with bills.

So, let's cut Chris a little slack. And let's not wish him harm, because I heard from the grapevine that someone in the Fandom has wished him harm.

Not naming names. But that's fucked up, and you're no better than the people on the other side, whoever you are.

As for the fans that only want the best for Chris, let's ride the waves, hang in there, and continue to call 'em out! Or ignore certain tantrum-like antics. Whatever the occasion calls for 😌

[all-doggirls-go-to-heaven-2]

What really bothers me is just how useless and self serving the "go vote blue!" posts are. Like you realize that its not about number of votes, right? (Insert the Hillary had more votes than trump thing here)

America's election system is so fucking broken that telling people to go vote blue does more or less jack shit unless they're living in a very active swing state.

Also, tumblrs ENTIRE userbase is a fucking dent compared to the whole of elligible US voters, so even if every single american user active on this site were to see and react to your post, it would do NOTHING.

Effectively, constantly harassing random people online to vote for someone that MOST PEOPLE IN THE US agree looks mentally unprepared to rule (and thats being generous) is just posturing. Thats what it is.

Which makes you look like an asshole who doesn't know what they're talking about, but at same time wanting to suck all the attention to the room and make everyone believe you're really smart for going "no one can be worse than orange cheeto, right guys?"

And it hurts me to say it but these people only dislike trump because media painted him as a rube and a monster (which he is! But still!) and if pressed could not tell you three bad policy moves so catastrophic as trumps presidency was advertised.

Which is fine, im all for hating monsters, but if you don't understand enough to dislike the actual material changes happening its easy to fall into a trap of saying JOE FUCKING BIDEN is a good candidate against Trump.

Joe Biden was a bad candidate against trump 4 years ago. Kamala Harris was a bad vice-president 4 years ago. Both of these people commited truly horrific acts before even being allowed in the offices they are in. So after they send enough bombs to Gaza to burn the place to the ground, after they make a point of misnamaging covid, after they STILL hold onto the circular saw effect even though it would be the EASIEST pr move to undo trump's changes (and god they need pr moves), after they ban tiktok VERY PUBLICLY in an election where young voters are becoming more and more important (you know, an actual mass shift of opinion. Instead of Posting), AFTER ALL THAT, are we supposed to what? Pretend any of this is a good idea?

Makes sense why you all act like martyrs. You know you're doing something wrong. You know you are doing this only to comfort yourself that you're "saving people". Nevermind the dead bodies in Gaza and nevermind the complete pushover on trans youths issues and nevermind the immigrants being mistreated in exactly the same way, if not worse. You're "dirtying your hands" voting for someone you hate because you hate the other guy more, and if everyone saw what you see, they would thank you.

[livin-like-larry413]

I am also a former supporter but I took time off this weekend to speak to a therapist cos it also fucked me up and to actual friends who work in the field of both healthcare and law enforcement. They IMMEDIATELY mentioned HIPAA laws that would result in both jailtime and hefty fines for any health care or crisis worker "breaking laws" to access this "military database" which doesn't exist - and also pointed out after I showed them sheheal's blog that no crisis worker worth their salt would insert + elevate themselves in this process the way sheheal claimed to be - and the final straw which enraged my actual licensed therapist friend is even making the initial offer to "DM people the family's contact to verify" this - offering strangers on the internet a supposedly grieving veteran's family's contact so people could believe SHEHEAL was legit? prioritizing her reputation over care?

I was chagrined and since then shutting up and clowning myself really for jumping to put my heart over my brain.

next time I'll use both and I hope you do too.

Taking time away and seeking therapeutic help is honestly the best step that anyone can take in situations like this, no matter what end of the road that you come from or are even just a bystander. This is an emotion driven situation no matter what, so I’m happy you’re in a better place, relatively, and I hope you continue to find your peace. That’s all that matters in the end. And for reference, I do use the “general, you” when speaking, so I’m not singling you out, anon, I’m just speaking to an invisible audience. I hope you’re feeling better.

And on the whole “how” they got all this information and their “crisis work”—If you know what to look for, and honestly, a lot of people don’t cause they just don’t know the information and that’s okay, it’s very obvious to see where they lie and where they pull lies from to be more likely to be taken seriously. I’m also old enough and have been in my own set of career fields to be able to spot a HIPPA violation from the start, which was also an obvious thing to see if you know where to look, but here’s the thing—I don’t care if she lied about how she got the information. Who they are will always be a mystery because no matter what they says and who they says they are, no one will ever be fully convinced because it started from a lie.

The lie could be the crisis work in itself, and wanting to be taken seriously in their investigation—it could be a relative that Myka reached out to after going offline, a hurt relative at that if she has indeed taken her life—we don’t know. It’s in a Schrödinger’s box right now, because of the nature that being online creates. You don’t truly know who someone is until you’re given vital information on them and their life, and this situation? We don’t know who sheheals is. Is them being hurt and lashing out appropriate right now? Maybe not if they’re not close to Myka. But if they are, then absolutely they’re allowed to be upset.

And honestly—I just don’t care for the reason, because that’s not the issue at hand that people are losing site of. The issue is people misusing their internet privileges to act immature online and spout whatever first comes to their mind without thinking of the consequences of saying these things. No matter what happened, or what is going to happen, people need to STOP for a minute and just think. Word have always had the power to influence, it’s why they’re more effective than actions most of the time, because they have an impact. People die from these impacts, no matter what, and no matter who you say it to.

People will lie about anything and everything, but it’s always for a reason. We don’t know it, and can only speculate the reason, because something else: no matter what’s said now, everyone that was involved can be thrown the “Well, why should I believe you?” line for various reasons. And that sucks. It’s become such a needlessly convoluted situation that it’s past the point of “Person A said something that incited [this] reaction, Person B said something vilifying and wrong to Person A for it—this had an unfortunate butterfly affect that unknowingly formed a witch hunt on Person A that no one was really predicting to happen”

Except, I will say—they should have predicted it. This has happened enough in this singular fandom in the last barely 3 years of it being heavily active, that they should have seen something like this happening when they chose to be cruel. If I, someone who has never interacted with this fandom, was able to see the state of it from afar and hear about everything that happens here from the grapevine, and then be able to see the extent of it myself in my own research, that is a dastardly huge issue of massive proportions.

People are refusing to accept that fact, because they either don’t see it as that big a deal, or they feel horrible for taking part in it, but don’t want to face the consequences of what has happened. You can feel bad about causing a butterfly effect that ends horrible, you are allowed to be sorry, and feel responsible if that’s how you chose to see it, but to ignore it and then turn around and continue to attack an account that you “suspect” to be an alt isn’t the appropriate response. Unless you start pulling illegal spyware out from your pocket and reverse search every single blog that you suspect to be Myka in disguise’s IP, that is, but I doubt people will go that far just to be proven right. (I will eat my entire house if that ends up happening, and then refer back to everything I’ve just said here, because honestly what the fuck)

There is unfortunately racism in every community you find, no matter what, there’s always going to be someone creating an echo chamber of their own racist values who draw other racists in with them, but my god—the entire point of this whole string of threads is people not including POC characters into every interaction and every text meme is not the end of the world and it’s not racist. Calling someone racist as just a tag line and being a nasty individual to someone for not including POC to every single post they make is unrealistic and a form of harassment, because guess what? It’s never racist to have a headcanon that excludes POC, until the headcanon is a fundamentally racist one. That’s the only time it should be called out for what it is, but any other time, when it’s inconsequential like a stupid NSFW shitpost, is not.

This fandom has seen it happen time and time again, and that’s the point that people are still seeming to miss whenever I look up what other people are saying: Calling someone “racist”, or “a pedo” (If you remember Inquisitor) or any other type of label that has no basis of being truthful (remember, like Inquisitor), simply for the reason that they made something you didn’t like, that you could very much make yourself in response—you know what you’re doing. You know, in some way, you’re painting a target on someone’s back that doesn’t deserve it, simple because you’re mad. And that is such a shitty and irresponsible thing to do.

I know the people who unintentionally started this mess by doing so in the first place have apologized, however weakly or heartfelt they were, because there was two different ways they all apologized or haven’t apologized—I’ve seen both, and I’m gonna say it again for them specifically—because the last thing I want is to be misconstrued and have my words be overlooked when I say it: they should not have been sent death threats or harassed for what has happened either. No matter what issue arises, or what event takes place, death threats, harassment and other forms of torment are never appropriate.

Should they have known better? Sure, but they don’t control other peoples actions. They can’t control the people that make their own witch hunts and drive away the creators that these bloggers have beef with, just like they don’t control what people do or how people chose to respond to their cruel words. They’re not blameless, but they also aren’t in control of anyone but themselves. Because guess what death threats and harassment can lead to?

I’m so inclined to believe Myka’s passing because I’ve seen it in my real life, not just online. Situations just like this, over fandom drama that gets over inflated and taken way out of proportion until someone ends up passing away. It’s a very real and raw thing, and being on any end of this situation is gut wrenching. Guilt and shame are on both sides; guilt for starting it up, guilt for not being there to stop Myka and help her, shame for being so loose with cruel words, shame for not being so free with comfort. It’s complex, and some people are frustratingly content to keep it from being as complex as it is.

There are no sides to this, no matter what people will try to lead you to believe. At the end of the day, a life has been lost, and people still want a drama show from it.

[kwilooo]

Incoming long vent-ish post

This song kind of represents how I feel at the moment. With life. Everything’s gone to shit. Between the Ukraine and Gaza wars, kosa, and my family going through a rough time financially and mentally, I just can’t really get a grip on reality.

I can’t help but feel this constant feeling of anxiety in my stomach, with the stress of hours of homework, keeping up my grades, class registration, dealing with my family, my friends, and just the world in general, it all keeps me awake at night and I’ve been getting so little sleep. It’s really starting to affect me just in everyday life.

Speaking of everyday life, what has it gotten to? It seems like nobody has any fucking empathy left. My faith in humanity—while never being very highly to start with—is almost zero at this point.

Kosa -

I’m sorry if I’ve been talking about it a ton, but if this bill passes and we lose our access to platforms such as this, I, and many other minors, will lose places where we can have some sort of stable ground—where we can gain any sort of grip on reality.

To be truthful, I’m not entirely sure of exactly what this bill proposes and what it may do, and I’m really going off of rumors. I know that rumors are not trustworthy, but I do know that this bill is unconstitutional and violates our rights.

-

I’m running out of time, I’m running and my time’s up…

I truly feel like this. I feel hopeless. Limp. Like I can do anything but help. There is nothing I can do, truthfully. As a kid, there isn’t anything you can do to help. Whether it’s because of strict or overprotective parents, or just because nobody will believe you.

They don’t listen to you when you’re young. They think you know absolutely nothing. They think we’re dumb. They think everything they think they know is correct. In reality, they have no clue what we’re experiencing and what we need. Both parents and the government.

This has been a problem for years. We as a generation have been speaking out against so many things for years, but we were never heard. Climate change, genocide, etc. We were never listened to because we’re “too young to know anything”

“Kids these days”

Adults say that in recent times, kids spend more time online or inside than outside. This is true statistically, but there are more reasons for it than we are “addicted to those damn screens”

A lot of the reason is that due to current events such as the wars, politics, disease, and just society overall, kids (I’d say currently between the ages of 10-16) have been forced to grow up a lot faster. I know that there have obviously been worse times to be a kid, but in the last few decades, this is it.

We’ve grown up through the COVID pandemic, where everything was online. This also gave us more exposure to media and rising stars who gained popularity over social media.

And that’s another reason; our generation (Z-alpha but mainly the younger part of gen Z) has grown up with a lot more disposable media in their hands. Much of this disposable media is how influencers gained their popularity. A lot of kids strive to be like them because they want to have popularity to feel that little twinge of excitement to have attention.

With all the current events, much of adults focus have been on those and how to give themselves and their kids the best life, which then in return gives the kid little attention. A lot of minors crave attention and an audience, so they create an online presence for themselves that can hopefully help them gain that audience. That’s another reason for being on screens.

Lastly, with the rise of social and disposable media, comes the inevitable effect of image. People who show off their body could create dysmorphia in teens and kids. People who show their life and travel could create a sense of inferiority for kids with families that maybe can’t afford to travel as much.

All of this then leads to declining mental health, also attributed to comments that might be made by other kids about a hobby one might have. Or maybe about the clothes they’re wearing, the color their skin is, their heritage, their opinions.

This is why the US is so fucking corrupted. Nobody has empathy or sympathy. Nobody cares about anyone else’s views. Nobody ever stops to think about how their actions or words might affect others. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s a real and important thing to realize.

Kids and teens these days need help, we need attention, we need support, we need to be stable.

We don’t need censorship, we don’t need war, all we ask for is awareness and peace.

Stop the war in Ukraine.

Stop the war in Gaza.

Stop Kosa.

Control climate change.

That is all we ask.

And with Kosa; if the rumors really are true, I want to thank everyone for making this platform an escape for me. I want to thank everyone for their amazing ideas and artwork and writing and awareness posts. I love you all so much.

I’m not going to tag anyone as this is quite a serious and personal post, but specific thank yous to my tumblr best friends, Alex, Doli, Nat, Panna (I believe?), Hibi, Lizzy, Jami, and Sophie. If you see this I’m sure you’ll know who you are ❤️

I’ve connected with some of you little, some quite a lot, some for a long time, and some for short, but I assure you that all of you have changed my life for the better.

This post has taken me two hours to write, so I hope it can do something for someone.

Thank you.

[starlight-writer]

Okay thanks and sincerely, fuck you (affectionate). I hardly ever get genuinely pained reading something online but congradulations ig. THE ANGST. JUST 🤌🤌🤌

but wait hear me out, what if, ikik crazy, but like it turns out reader was playing the Marc Card™ and "protecting" our beloved' from either the reader themselves, or also maybe more the situation they're in (equivalent to idk, perhaps the extreme and less than uh, pleasant circumstances dear marc, steven and jake have tied to their lives. superhero shit, family trauma, anything) OR they're just as fucked up in the head and emotionally constipated and such, and is under the impression they're, again, saving the guys from "having to deal with" the reader's shit instead of using communication like a sane fucking person in a relationship. But hey, couples goals amarite 🥰

Or both. Both can be good

Happy ending or not (bittersweet too, that counts), I am in no way suggesting this is healthy and reader shouldn't be sorry and recieve forgiveness, or not. especially knowing and reading abt how much it affected the whole system. call this self indulgent af man; and please don't write, respond or keep reading if this makes you uncomfortable in any way

In hindsight, I really should have placed that warning before the ask started truly getting into it. additionally, since I'm especially off with memory today, this is all in reference to your divorce drabble/headcanons btw

Thanks 2(x) for reading this far into my ramblings, and for sharing your bomb ass writing. again, it's hard for me to feel connected with the whole y/n shebang fandoms have going on, and, despite all odds, you pulled it off

Don't know how to end these things so yayy parting thumbs up👍

Divorce Pt. 2

A/n: CRYING, ROLLING ON THE FLOOR, SCREAMING, POUNDING MY FISTS Thank you so much for this!! I am literally so excited about this!! (Also sorry for taking so long to write this, I'm a little behind on requests lol)

((I will make a part three for if reader left to protect themselves from the Moon Knight side of things so this part is if reader left due to person issues so double the content!))

Warnings: yelling, anger, talk of depression, talk of panic attacks, talks of trauma, this ain't gonna be a fun ride

Gn! Reader Masterlist

Steven

Steven is the most calm out of Jake and Marc, but that's more like being the smartest guy on the football team

It's a really low bar to meet

Steven tries to be understanding in every situation he's in, truly

His mindset is 'you never know what someone's going through' and he takes it to heart

But this?

He finds it very hard to be understanding

He doesn't even want you here, but he let you through the front door, so it must mean something right?

After explaining in full enough detail as to why you did what you did, Steven is silent

Eerily silent

It feels like the silence in a horror movie before a monster jumps out

This is the part where I could say 'and one did, Jake starts yelling at you' but that's not what happens

Steven starts yelling at you

He starts yelling at you in a way you've only ever seen Marc or Jake do

And it was never directed at you before

It scares you

Steven is so irate, he doesn't notice you shrinking in on yourself

But if he did, I don't think he'd care

Not anymore

"You led us on, you led me on, for years! You made me think I deserved kindness, happiness, love, just to drop me and make me feel like I was worth nothing! I'm sorry you went through so much and I'm sorry you're still dealing with it, but Gods! That doesn't give you the right to completely toy with us and leave when you feel trapped! You're supposed to talk to us about it! Or at least text me if you didn't want to say anything!"

"We could've worked it out. We could've... We were married. That means you at least cared about us a little, right?"

Steven's anger eventually dies and fades into depression and heartbreak

At this moment he wishes you never showed up, never tried to fix anything

He was content with walking through life, blaming himself and thinking you were an angel that got stuck with an annoying gremlin

Cause how could you do any wrong?

Steven asks you to leave, barely above a whisper

If you don't move, he will

He'll lock himself in his room until you do

You may have thought you were helping, that you were easing his confusion and pain

You were wrong

All you did was set in motion another depressive episode and make Steven feel like the worst husband

He thinks, just for a second, that he must've been so terrible at comforting you and letting you know that he was there for you

And a second is all it takes for Steven to believe it

Marc

He starts laughing

Like, maniacal laughing

"You think you can just walk in here and give me some sorry ass excuse?"

"You married us, knowing you couldn't handle it, you married us! You stood at the alter, said vows you took the time to write, said yes after having the chance of leaving, and waited months after to say you didn't want this anymore?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Unlike Steven, Marc's rage doesn't settle into depression

It sits and festers until the moment you leave

He doesn't turn violent like Jake, but he looks seconds away from destroying the apartment

Even if you manage to explain further through Marc's yelling, it doesn't register that you were in pain or suffering

It doesn't even register that your slinking away in fear at the growing redness of Marc's face

"Why'd you even come here?! To make shit worse?!"

"Of course not! I thought-"

"You've already practically killed Steven! Did you come back to finish us off?"

"No! I was trying to-"

"I can't believe I trusted you! I-"

Marc cuts himself off, digging his palms into his eyes and sniffling

He's crying

Whether in anger, frustration, sadness, or all three, it doesn't matter

He's breaking down right in front of you and you know he must truly be broken to show such vulnerability in front of someone he hates

He yells at you to leave, to leave and never come back

Don't look at him, don't breathe next to him, don't even think about him

And don't ever, ever, try to call Steven

Marc will not hesitate to visit you in his suit

That's a lie, he'd never do that

Even now, after all the pain you caused him, he could never hurt you

Once you finally leave with Marc in tears, he finally falls to the floor and cries

He cries for hours and hours, unable to move or stop

He yells into his hands in agony and frustration

Why did nothing go right for him?

Was he cursed?

Doomed to never have a happy ending?

Your visit didn't help anyone or anything

You should've stayed home

Jake

Absolutely furious

Nothing can calm him down, Steven and Marc have no chance of forcing him into the head space if they tried (though it's not like they want to)

He doesn't let you in, but he walks around the apartment, yelling at you

No, not yelling

Screaming

He can't step back and think about your explanation, what is means and how it ties into your relationship

Lord help his neighbors because he will definitely throw something

Not at you, never at you

He may think he's a monster, willing to cross almost any line to fulfill his mission, but hurting you is one of the few strict lines he will never cross

He will throw things around you, slamming a lamp into the wall, throwing glass onto the floor

And while he is enraged, he's not blind

He sees his effect on you, how scared you look at him

And he thinks 'finally. finally I see how you really feel about me'

Tears remain in his eyes, not willing to fall and give you the satisfaction

He continues yelling and throwing things, hoping to scare you away

And it works

And when he's finally alone, he dissolves into sobs

He doesn't care who might walk past the open door and see him

He just cries and cries

He can't maintain the energy of being mad as much as he wants to

He may be able to do that in front of Steven and Marc, but the second he saw your face

All he wanted to do was bury his face in your neck and hold you

Apologize for his wrong doings and pray you would at least talk to him

But seeing how Steven and Marc dealt with your absence

And seeing how much you managed to wiggle into his heart before destroying it

He couldn't allow his feelings to control his mind

His top priority has always been, and will continue to be Steven and Marc

And he's willing to sacrifice everything to ensure they're safe

They're happy

And you took away their happiness

You will never be allowed in their apartment again, let alone their hearts

Jake will make sure of it

You will regret visiting

One day, everything is going to come full circle

And Jake isn't afraid of the man he might become to get the closure his brothers deserve

(beta reader note : ouchie two electric boogaloo.)

[themurderofcrowscollective]

HEY GUYS!! Hi, yes, you may know us as the Graveyard system or you don't, but now's not the time to get into that. I want to talk about the upcoming danger that is KOSA, the Kids Online Safety Act that hasn't yet been voted for as of today (9/27/2023), and speak out for people who aren't just part of the LGBTQIA+ community but also have mental illnesses like we do. We have undiagnosed D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder), ADHD and Autism but we can't currently get our diagnosis because it'll keep us tied to our mentally and verbally abusive parents who are far right cultists who follow Donald Trump's word like he's the fucking Messiah forever, and online is where we can truly be who we are. We have to live in a house and go through constant brainwashing, gaslighting and manipulation into believing what our biological father preaches day in and day out, and our only escape is the internet. Now, I want you to take this in consideration that if KOSA is passed and approved, it won't just be us who will have no place to escape to, it'll be hundreds of others like us. I hate to admit it openly but for the past 4 years since our last attempt, we've been stuck thinking about ending our own life before things get bad but it wasn't our bio parents or our 'faith in the Lord' that kept us alive, it was our friends we met through the internet who understood what we were going through. It is a miracle we still have friends and loved ones who keeps us alive, but if the government fucking takes them away from us and outs us to our parents that we have D.I.D, we're FUCKED. Please, I know a lot of people will say 'change.org doesn't do anything' but understand this: We cannot hold a job without our parents rearing their heads and suggesting we pay for all the fucking bills, especially not in the town we live in, so what do you think would happen if we decide to go vote against this? I can only imagine the worst because in this household, our opinion isn't valued or even listened to, what our father believes is what he thinks we believe, but he doesn't know our political standing and different faith, and we'd rather keep it that way until we're able to leave. So the only way I can do my part is spreading the message, sharing this petition and hoping to the gods above that this post gets someone's attention who can do more than us. https://chng.it/nrfrtWWD8T Here's the link, don't let this bill pass and if you have better ways of stopping this, ACT ON IT. Call your representatives, sign any petition you can, or else there's a high chance that teens who are in dire need of help won't find it online.

[hearteyesmcgarrett]

is it weird to just answer the ask meme questions without actual asks? probably, but i want to yell about fandom shit rn so you can't stop me

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. its obvious that im in a grimm fixation rn, so i have to say nick/monroe as a romantic ship (or nick/monroe/rosalee), and the whole gang as a platonic relationship. For SGA, i'm always a mcshep fan but i honestly enjoy any pairing of AR1. Anyone that has followed me for an extended period of time knows that im a mcdanno (H50) and leverage ot3 truther as well.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. hmm, not sure? OH some folks doing the sga kinkmeme have mentioned john/cam and im very intrigued

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. Rodney/Jennifer :( I love Jennifer, but the writers consistently changed her characterization and that relationship felt forced and weird (SGA)

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t. John/Elizabeth. I'm sorry! maybe its just because im gay af but to me their relationship felt like bffs, not romantic (SGA)

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? I made that stargate cinnamon roll meme, if that counts

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? ~10 years

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it? i'm a multishipper for sure, but one of the first ships i remember really clearly was eric/ryan from csi miami (circa age like 12)

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)? TV!

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? I dont know that it was entirely tumblr, but yeah, Voltron. The fandom was truly fucking awful

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.) uhhhh, like every show tbh. 99% of the shows i watch came from tumblr or online friends

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. hmm, I guess Adalind counts as a character who isnt one of my faves. She's a complex and interesting character, and its clear that a lot of her decisions come from a place of trauma. After having Diana it really shows that she does want to protect her and keep her safe (grimm)

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend. Ronon (SGA), Hardison (Leverage), Teal'c (SG1), etc

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom 1. men showing emotions!!! (grimm does this well, thankfully) 2. on a similar note: depicting how the shit these characters get up to is traumatizing and how that impacts them long term 3. literally any canon queer rep. can we PLEASE have a show like stargate or grimm where one of the characters (especially a man) is canonically queer? is that so hard???

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of? Forfeit by Rise Against always makes me think of ascended Daniel/Jack (SG1). Oh and ever since i saw a gifset with lyrics from it, Timberwolves at New Jersey by Taking Back Sunday makes me think of John (SGA)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). one of these fuckin days i am going to write a baseball SGA AU

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why. As previously mentioned: Voltron because the fan base was toxic and awful

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom? all my favorite fandoms are themed around found family so this is so hard lmao. Nick & Hank (Grimm), Eliot & Harry (Leverage Redemption), Harry & Breanna (LR), Don & Charlie if brothers count (Numb3rs), etc

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon anyone who reads my H50 fics knows that i will fuckin die on the hill that Danny has an anxiety disorder

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?  besides anxious danny, I'd say John having ADHD (SGA), and Monroe being bi (Grimm) are two right off the top of my head

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites 1. Steve McGarrett (H50) - he's been through so much shit, but he's still so damn loyal and protective and kind. He's such a good dude who is just traumatized beyond belief. 2. Charlie Eppes (Numb3rs) - besides the fact that i am CONVINCED he has ADHD, he's just so fucking loving and passionate about his work and the people he loves. he balances out the hardness of Don and the gang with the sheer size of his heart 3. Eliot Spencer (Leverage) - basically the same reason as steve. I have a type.

V - Which character do you relate to most? this is tough. probably Daniel (SG1) - esp early seasons - because of similar worldviews and interests and personalities, and Danny (H50) because of similar personalities

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom. MISCOMMUNICATION!! its so frustrating.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom. im a big ol softie so i love stuff like mutual pining, hurt/comfort, etc.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms Good Omens is a big one rn lmao. I've read the book but haven't watched the show. Also, Daredevil probably. I watched at least the first season years ago, but haven't seen anything beyond that. I still enjoy seeing people's posts about it and i read fic sometimes

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! im so cranky rn about the lack of depiction of trauma/mental illness/neurodivergence/etc in fandoms where its to be expected. like with Grimm rn, you give Nick PTSD and sensory enhancements but then suddenly forget about them?? that's not how that works! Or why is it always just hinted at that characters are ND? why is it so hard to just be like 'yeah no x has ADHD (or whatever)'? i want to be able to actually have complex/tough/interesting/etc protags that are ALSO neurodiverse. if we're all reading John as having ADHD (SGA) or Parker being autistic (leverage) anyways, why can't these things just be intentionally part of the character

[banbuvssummerhome]

Lostboy.EXE

On the internet, there exists multiple levels depending on the depravity and exclusivity of certain cites, services and content. The surface web, the dark web, and the deep web. The surface web is the level you’re on right now, with things like Google, Yahoo, Facebook, etc. 

The deep web is stuff that’s below the surface, stuff that’s hidden from the public eye like government cites. 

And the dark web is what it says on the tin. From counterfeit items, luxury drugs to the most depraved content one can find from child sexual abuse to cannibalism to hitmen. Or luxury pickles. It’s a mixed bag.

Today we have a game that’s been rumored to originate from such a place, Lostboy.EXE. Look, it’s cliche, but we gotta start off with the classics.

I’m sure I don’t need to introduce 4chan, it’s the edgy and lawless image board that birthed Anonymous as well as several iconic memes, the posterchild of online degeneracy. But on August 22nd, 2012, someone would unintentionally drop what I can only describe as a bomb onto the message board. An anonymous user would upload a Mediafire link to a game they’d made for the /v/ and /x/ boards, intriguing the other anons. It was some innocent fun, all things considered. 

The game consisted of a single empty maze with several images of babies and religious imagery pertaining to demonic entities, you know, the usual for horror indie games. It doesn’t take a lot to unsettle someone. Just imply crimes against children and you got a free ticket to WTF-land. But otherwise it was a pretty boring game, so people in the board complained as per usual.

Imagine this: you’re the average 4chan user who just downloaded a shit game full of creepy ass imagery yet no gameplay. Just full of weird images of infants and satanic shit, you feel that you’ve seen either an edgy kid’s attempt at a game or something you shouldn’t have seen. Maybe if you played for longer you would’ve seen something truly fucked ala Sad Satan. You go to the message board where you found the link and try to figure out what the fuck you just walked into.

And then you see your full name, address, and phone number posted in that very thread. 

You see, what many users didn’t realize at first glance was that there were not one, but two links to the game, one of which being a fake malware version of the game that gave the second uploader remote access to the computers of whoever was unlucky enough to fall for the dupe. This way the anon who made the dupe was able to get their personal information and leak it into the /v/ and /x/ threads on the game. People got paranoid after this was found out–who knew what the hacker did with their computers, they could’ve taken pictures through their webcams or worse, filled their computers with illegal child sexual abuse material. Because 4chan is fucked like that. It wasn’t like the site was unfamiliar with csam being leaked onto their site, but some people weren’t as degenerate and didn’t want to be arrested for what was essentially a 2/10 indie horror. Admins would later delete the threads and put up a warning for users to not download any content found on 4chan.

It wouldn’t be until 2023 that the alleged creator of the original safe version of Lostboy.EXE was even discovered, a Twitter user by the name of rob_is_an_idiot, who was interviewed by the French Youtuber known as Feldup. Unfortunately we do not know what the fuck was said in the interview as we are not French and refuse to learn French. But we will link to the interview, of course.

Alongside this, Rob would make a Twitter post about the subject:

“I made lostboy.exe back in 2012 and shared it with 4chan's /v/ board, it was a gamemaker 7 tutorial reskinned. There was never any other version. The "virus lostboy.exe" was just a RAT virus, not the game. They simply renamed their exe to lostboy.exe.”

While the original link still exists, I highly discourage downloading the game unless you’ve got a good antivirus or lawyer. We don’t wanna accidentally distribute “cheese pizza” or viruses here, but if you wanna seek out Lostboy.EXE that’s your prerogative, not ours. But yeah, that’s the story of Lostboy.EXE as it stands–a simple game made for shits and giggles turned into a backdoor for malicious activity and an internet urban legend that until now has been left unsolved. The moral of the story? Don’t download shit from 4chan.

Ever.

Developer Interview: « lostboy.exe » le JEU PERDU de 4chan - Findings HS

[2n2n]

Which do you prefer, Yaoi or yuri?

*I begin playing you a song on my hurdy-gurdy*

Not an easy answer... I must tell you tales of times long past.... and we will contemplate the nature of interest. The nature of sexuality ....

From age 11-20ish I identified as a lesbian, and only dated women. Went to dyke marches etc whole 9 yards. Most of my friends were the few other dykes in my school ..... but for some reason, I was a chronic shotacon and really only liked shota porn, LOL. In those days it legitimately wasn't 'bad' or 'gross' to like (lol) it was just annoying (lol); my friends would just call me a bad lesbian or try to cajole me into watching their yuris or normal pornos of ladies fisting. A funny era. From like, 11-17? I would say I really only imbibed yaoi, did not really care for anything else, was a pure of heart fujoshi, to everyone's chagrin.

I got into a more serious relationship at 18 & I finally was like, "its a little embar I am a shotacon ... I would like to just make lesbo porn with my lesbo partner..." so, somewhat artificially but not entirely artificially, for about 18-20 I only had female OCs for the mostpart and read f/f or yuri if you will, fics and such. My partner liked m/f to some extent so sometimes we'd dabble in a boy added into there. I guess I experimented a little with being nonbinary around this time, that wasn't right for me though and truly girlie vibes are me. Also my partner at the time eventually started transitioning (we r still close!) so, I re-analyzed my sexuality & what gender like was for me & wasn't really 'a lesbian' any longer and like, honestly never really found a new identity after that.

SOMETHING happened in 2012 a and I regressed back into a shotacon like, sooo uncontrollably, and, I didn't feel as if I was avoiding anything or really repressing anything, yet once I was back in the saddle it was balls to the wall, really so like aaaaaa rrrr aaaaa mmnnggghhh !!! I was 20, arbitrarily. So from 20-24 or so I was back to your basic fujoshi vibes.

I met my now-husband online in 2016 in this era, we were both in a yaoi twincest fandom. I honestly wasn't 100% suuuure where I really sat with boys IRL but, he was very my type in all ways , anyway. So let's not think hard. We met in person & had violently intense chemistry like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck gotta fuck gotta fuck hard. Bird is really ................. a heterosexual guy lol. Though at the time he thought he was a leetle more pan vibes, he really had only been so passionate about, girls. Despite starting out in yaoi we wound up only really shipping m/f things together, major het moment for me. I was like "lol... this is so interesting... and funny... and fun!". I had never really imbibed het content deeply lol. Literally ever. But my lover was a boy, and I was a girl, and it was most fun to embody a het ship together, and have sex with each other, heterosexually, lol. So for the better part of 6 years, 24-30, me and @7ban-sama have been very m/f very het. HOWEVER ... Bird loves women and I love women, so we've sometimes been yuri vibes and yuri times!! So, it was more yuri, more often, than yaoi, overall! Though honestly it's all over the place; Chasriel and Krisriel are hugely important to us, and gender is ambiguous in that.

Then uhhh I feel like I have periodic relapses, its so embar but I guess the nature of what I am... JSHK was like . It is exactly something I'd have read and obsessed over at age 15, in my fujoshi era. I really expected to identify with Nene-chan but instead I am very Tsukasa (sad trombone)! The twins actually grabbed both of us by the throat with their arc and its similarities to our love ... and then again we both love, girls ... so you have, Hanako x Nene x Tsukasa as an ultimate three-way. It is le yaoi and le het.

As you can see it is difficult to say "I prefer yuri" or "I prefer yaoi". I guess completely on my own incel vibes no partner, I tend to just do yaoi, while, when I have a partner, I tend to engage more fantasies that could analog us, and I am a girl, so (so I was more yuri when properly with a 'girl', and het when properly with a boy). I think if I was forever alone I would probably do mostly shota nonsense, but that would partially be out of an inability to really inhabit the fantasies firsthand ... at least some of the reason I feel I didn't engage much with girl fantasies despite being a girl was feeling too disassociated from my own appearance (normal self-hate stuff, repulsion, feeling ugly, feeling gross etc). I think yaoi is 'safe' for me, it doesn't .. . hurt me, lol? It doesn't make me feel like an ugly girl, it's kinda no thoughts head empty. I could finally very potently engage in m/f and f/f with Bird, @7ban-sama, because he made me feel pretty, and sexually desired (no fault of anyone's but my partner before wound up being ace, so I couldn't really get reassurance there). With Bird I think I have the most eclectic and varied diet, and the most fun doing, anything, everything. We have RP'd our hetships, our yuri ships, our shotas, wholeheartedly. I feel like presently I just like "things that remind me of Me/my husband". In a way the identifiers of yaoi and yuri are kinda fading to my brain.... maybe.

But in my soul I still identify with being a fujoshi, a rotten girl. No matter what I like, I sure am a rotten girl.... girl gone fallow....

[mcmactictac]

So I’m trying to write a paper on the pros and cons of fandom culture for a media class right. And let me just say it makes me SO MAD trying to find sources because there are so many genuinely wonderful things about fandom and there are many complex social issues reflected in them. Yet so many of these articles are all just based so heavily in sexism? Like playing into that “crazy fangirl” stereotype. And listen I get it yk some people are like that. But I want to talk about WHY fandom is so important to so many people.

Everyone is so quick to judge without getting any understanding of where the sense of attachment comes from. Yes, fandoms have bad people. Yes, there is fetishization, doxing, and a shit load of other problems. It just drives me nuts that those problems are pointed out and no academic sources make an effort to figure out why those problems occurred. Like the relationship between society and fandom is so fucking interesting and its really interesting to see how different fanbases reflect different viewpoints on things.

Also I’m tired of everyone saying we control the media. I have not sat through years of queerbaits; through all of November 5th and the hell that came after it for people to say that producers always listen to fans and give them whatever they want/target everything towards them. Like yes ofc massive media companies are going to take advantage of people cause sadly that’s just how so many of them are. But that doesn’t take away from the genuine meaning and support that media gives us? 

Like brief academic moment here we’ve been talking about Stanley Hall’s model of communication and the idea of encoding and decoding, and how media can have multiple different meanings. I fully agree that people’s own cultural experiences and personal contexts change the way they interpret something. And it’s absolutely fascinating to see how fanbases can have such a large majority of people who draw the same conclusion from media based on their experiences. Especially with queerbaiting and queer coding. I've been thinking about BBC Merlin a lot recently and how interesting that show is not only on its own but in relation to it’s fandom. How so many people can watch it and see magic as something so clearly queercoded, and identify themselves with that characters, and then other people can insist that we’re grasping for straws. 

I just wish it was taken more seriously yk? Like the good and the bad that comes along with it are both very real and intense emotions, especially with so many neurodiverse people in fandom space who become hyperfixated on media. That’s something that has a massive impact on people. Fandom can be a space to connect with others, to explore your own identity, to critically reflect on what you’re consuming, to inspire yourself to create! 

Whenever people outside of fandoms talk about fanfiction it’s always about slash fiction and YES that is a part of it but I have read some truly incredible and impactful fanfictions that has understood the target audience better than a majority of media sources. Fanfiction that can speak to you, reflect your own feelings, provide a sense of comfort or a way to express emotion. Like yes there’s fic’s that are just smut but I’ve seen just as many 100k+ fics that are like focused around found family, mental health issues, AU’s with incredible worldbuilding, fans who put the devotion into creating well rounded characters and expanding upon the foundation placed before them. I’m tired of all that being ignored, because it should be appreciated. I’ve seen so many people who manage to communicate a certain feeling or emotion through fanfiction better than in books I’ve read.

And as so much of adolescent culture shifts online I think fandom spaces are HUGE in terms of self discovery. I’m tired of adults invalidating fandoms because it’s just “made up of obsessive teen girls” there is so much more to that and every day I am tempted to write an essay (not for class) on it because I have so many thoughts on it and I absolutely hate that people refuse to take it seriously.

Wow ok clearly had some feelings there thanks for coming to my TED talk 

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Not sure how to view Chris anymore and it’s sad. At this point whatever the “truth” is, it doesn’t matter.

I’m just floored at how someone could be so weak to get into this mess and not “be able to get out”and it’s easy to say oh it’s hard for him to get out but he’s at least trying to show this is fake, yet he was bold enough to lie to the world about being married?

Make that make sense?

Like how the fuck do they clean this up at all?

It’s like reality and illusions are morphing together and I honestly don’t know who the fuck this man truly is and maybe that’s the way it should’ve always been.

We get wrapped up in this shit mainly due to the way of the world and due to Hollywood and capitalism, etc, but we have to take accountability by finally choosing to not fall for seeing other mere mortals as anything but human.

If you take any random person off the street, clean them up, give them a great marketing team, BOOM you have a new celebrity. It’s all a big awful joke of illusion.

No more rose colored glasses. It’s to the point fandoms and celebrity today is seeing a blue sky but being duped into believing it’s green.

Unfortunately most will never understand the above and never take those glasses off.

This applies to fans, non fans and just the overall population of the world who are willing and unwilling and unaware at how impacted we all are by celebrity culture. A headline makes waves or something goes viral and we ALL stop our lives to read or listen about it and many hop online to discuss and argue with others over various things, not once seeing the reality……you’re taking time out of YOUR life to focus on someone who doesn’t even know you exist, wasting YOUR time discussing crap about someone else who is living their life and getting rich off of you and someone who uses media to stay relevant through…..Y-O-U!

*breaks rose colored glasses* for good.

💔👓

#EnoughIsEnough

Same, An🫶n. Honestly before I was sucked in here, Chris was the ideal guy for me... Ofcourse, Papa was right. He told me once that "I shouldn't place anyone on a pedestal, because anything placed that high, is meant to break."

I've got nothing but love for Chris and his work. But the way this is all spun, real or not, I'm not sure if I can keep adoring him as a person.

Like I've said before, we can't exactly blame Chris, alone for getting into this mess in the first place. But if those breadcrumbing and hinting on his end isn't true (the hope and rumor that he's telling us that anything about the wedding is fake, etc.), An🫶n is right.

He's not a saint, but he's not a demon either. But the thing is, he isn't going to be just Chris Evans, the actor we all love and adore. The actor we'll be happy for when he gets his small victories. Whose dog is one of the best things on the internet during this whole mess right now.

He's also going to be Chris Evans, the guy who "married" a racist, who's friends have baited the entire Fandom. The guy who couldn't save his fans from tearing at each other. The guy who let this get so out of hand, that the one place that should've been safe for us to escape to, and enjoy everything, disappeared in mere months.

I'm planning to stick around, because I know for a fact, a ton of you were here for the fan-made stuff. The fanfics, fanarts, discussions about characters, etc.

I came here for that too. Doesn't mean I'm giving up this whole thing. But I'm going to take time to go back to the fun part. Because honestly, my page has turned into an analysis page😅 it's 70% rant posts about the bullshit pr, and 30% me and my fics...

Bro! I intended to make fucking fics before 250 Followers Celebration comes... But I'm way behind... Partly, because of life. And partly because the second something goes down, I drop nearly everything, and focus so much time and energy on this.

So, I'm not saying drop him or any celeb completely. I'm saying we need to tone down our idolization, because it may have gotten to the point where it isn't healthy.

For the sake of your health, mental and otherwise, Fandom. Take time to enjoy what you love about this Fandom. And please don't say anything about tearing the PR Narrative, because even I have to admit, it takes it's toll.

Again, not backing down, or stepping down. Just giving myself time to take care of me, and spend time with my family while they're still alive.

I don't know if this Christmas season will be the last that I get to spend time with any of them, so I'm going to make sure I live every minute with them. And not stuck in this hole I've dug myself for months, since the wedding announcement.

And you should all do that for yourselves, guys. Take the time, and make it count.