#but if this pressure and anxiety keeps up

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I remember you wrote a thing where Crowley interviews Fellow for a teaching job, can we get a continuation of that? idk where Gidel would fit so yeah sorry

[Referencing this interaction!]

So tell me, do you wanna go?

Every morning was a new opportunity presenting itself in a gift-wrapped box. This morning was, perhaps, the grandest opportunity, the greatest gift, of them all.

From the moment Fellow had woken up, he had been a flurry of movement, almost as fast as the words he often spewed. Buttering toast for two (a luxury for them), packing a small bag of pencils (each of varying length), untangling the knots in Gidel's hair, tying the boy's shoelaces for him. He had also been up late redoing the stitching on his suit, ironing the wrinkles out, and searching for a matching pair of socks for Gidel. The first rule of making a good impression: dress to impress.

Even when they were out the door and rushing to the main school building, Fellow fretted. He smoothed out his shirt, redid his cravat over and over, wiped his glasses more times than he could count. (In fairness, that number still wasn't very high, but it was the sentiment that mattered.)

The imminent shadow of Night Raven College loomed, making him feel small and powerless. Here, dreams were made—and crushed.

Like his had been, once upon a time.

His mind blanked. It had run off and hid, shivering in a dark recess somewhere, wedged between doubt and despair.

He was brought back to earth by a warmth and pressure at his arm. Fellow glance down to find Gidel grasping him and offering an encouraging grin. His jacket and vest were oversized, and his tie sloppy, but he glowed with excitement.

“… You’re right, Giddie. What am I mopin’ around for? It’ll do me no good.” Fellow sighed, banishing his bad thoughts in that breath. “We should be celebrating! Today’s a big day for us. Our new beginning.”

Together, they took the brave first step into the foyer. Down the hallway and to the right, their first stop.

Again, his heart raced. Anxiety and fear surging, despite his efforts to keep them at bay.

Smile at the face of danger. Get tough when the going gets rough. It’s nothing you haven’t done before, he coaxed himself. You can do this. Show those snooty little rich kids what you’re capable of!

“Let’s go…!” Fellow bellowed, seizing Gidel by the shoulders. It’s SHOWTIME!”

They barged in, the door opening with such force that it slammed against the wall. Students startled in their seats.

“M-Myah?!” Grim snapped awake from his nap. “What’s happenin’, am I still asleep or what?!”

Beside him, the Ramshackle Prefect perked up. They waved at Fellow and Gidel, as if they had been expecting them all along, Of course—they had been the one to pass along a strong recommendation to the headmaster.

“Mornin’, teach! Mornin’, new classmate!” they chirped.

Ace groaned, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me. This is the guy they hired for the new Life Skills course?”

"H-Hey, don't be rude to the new professor!" Deuce hissed at his dorm mate. “Show some respect!”

Show some respect.

Respect! That’s right, he deserved it. He was among them now—amid the elites, instructing them.

Fellow straightened, marching right up to the podium at the front of the classroom. (Gidel followed him, only to be shooed off and whispered a reminder that he belonged in a desk. He scurried to a free spot in the corner, planting his supplies down.)

“Students!” Fellow announced, rapping his fox-tipped cane on the podium. His voice, loud and proud. “Your attention please!

“Welcome to Life Skills. As the name suggests, this class will focus on practical skills that’ll serve you well in life. I’ll be your instructor. The name’s Fellow, Fellow Honest—but please, please, call me by my first name!”

Deuce’s hand instantly shot up. “S-Sir, isn’t that kind of familiarity improper?!”

“In my classroom, everyone’s an equal. Myself included,” Fellow laughed, tipping his top hat at his bewildered audience. “Let’s have fun together, shall we?”

“Wow,” Deuce murmured raptly, seriously impressed. “The new professor’s so chill.”

Gidel and Yuu clapped excitedly for him. Ace rolled his eyes.

“This is gonna be a long semester.”

[smiley-positivity-potato]

for all the young and older autistic masculine and transmasc peers out there, get ready to be confused about the new addition of male social cues society EXPECTS you to learn on how to be a "proper" and respectable man.

be ready to be just as flabbergasted and baffled by the expectations of others, men AND women alike, for what is acceptable for a masculine person in a conversation to say and what is not for it is seen as "weak". don't be shocked when your anxiety starts to rise when others try to see how strongly you can shake their hand, or for when they see how you can hold yourself in an argument OR fight you KNOW shouldn't have happened but the aggression is there because, naturally, you're a man so you can "take it". be ready for your disabilities or ailments to be dismissed by others, for you're a "big, tough" man so you shouldn't need time to HEAL. "Just ignore it. Keep pushing forward. What kinda man are you if you can't?", they'll accuse.

be ready for them to all of a sudden make being a man feel like rocket science mixed with gymnastics. they will make you feel like you have to wear a double mask to be a man. one mask you'd wear for your autism and one you'd wear to hide your past womanhood taught traits. and you'll feel idiotic if you don't get these things when we barely got the "girl" social cues before we transitioned.

they will laugh if you can't lift the trash because it's too heavy and they may MOCK YOU, just like my first ex gf did. they will compare the way you can or can not hold in your emotions to other men (your meltdowns, stimming, sensory issues, and etc. are now no longer "cute and quirky". they are an inconvenience). they will stare you down and expect you to KNOW how to be the protector of EVERY situation- not as a team protecting one another, but as an individual knight protecting your loved ones. and if you can't do this and more, you socially aren't accepted by other women AND men, alike, as a "proper" man.

but the thing is, you may never learn EVERY social cue as an autistic masculine person. and even if you do, it won't make sense. so you may not see a reason to do it- for the pressure of others shouldn't define your manhood. you are autistic and that is okay. you do not need to find all these things important to your masculinity journey. and even if you choose to learn some of these society approved cues, it should be out of your own comfort. not because you want others to think you're a "better" man. standing your ground, as you walk further and further up this path, has already helped you start to become a better man- this version of you is already better because it's who you wished to be as a little girl.

and you will continue to grow and be that. so all because you don't get or know why every masculine social cue exists, like others expect, doesn't make you any less of a man than another cis man. you're just an autistic transmasc. an autistic, upstanding man. and there will NEVER EVER be anything wrong with that. i promise.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Would you write about Reader who's scared as hell to come out.

And she's accidentally outed because on someone's photo you can see Reneé and Reader kissing ?

It can be at a party and they're like "hiding" to make out but on this photo we can clearly see ?

Photo-Bombed

|| Reneé Rapp x fem!reader

|| Warnings; reader's outed, drunk reader and reneé, swearing, reader has an anxiety attack, implied homophobia

|| Summary; reader and Reneé drunk kiss at a party, someone takes a photo and reader gets outed in the process.

Requests open!

Started; september 24th

Finished; september 24th

~~~

Reneé had invited you to a party as her plus one, you were a little nervous about going. Given that you aren't out and you knew for a fact you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off your girlfriend when you're drunk. But you went anyways, not wanting to upset your favourite blonde.

When you got there Reneé was already pulling you over to the drinks with a massive grin on her face," come on, Y/N!"

She looked back at you as she held your hand, making sure you followed her through the crowds. You gave her a soft smile to assure her you were there.

In what felt like no time at all, you and Reneé were well into your third round of drinks. She was smiling and giggling as she clung to you, head rested on your shoulder while she just rambled as her finger twirled your hair.

Though you couldn't focus on a single word she was saying. When you're sober, you can keep up with her fast pace rambles. Drunk? It felt like you were listening to an entirely different language. It was adorable to you nonetheless. You loved when she rambled.

"somweplandthen-!" Is basically how she sounded to you right now. You would just nod and give an occasional, 'no way' or 'really'? Which seemed to keep her happy and entertained.

She continued her rambling for another five minutes until she gasped, turning suddenly to grip your shoulders. The suddenness of Reneé's actions made you flinch and you gave her an awkward/startled smile.

"What is it, baby?" You asked, your words a little slurred as you spoke.

Reneé just giggled and put her finger to your lips," shhh! Follow me~"

And she was pulling you along again. You easily followed, letting her pull you around. It made you smile.

Reneé lead you through the crowds to a more secluded corner, there were still people around. But they all seemed to be doing their own thing. Either making out, playing beer pong or whatever else.

Once she had you in the corner she pushed you against the wall, grinning from ear to ear as her lips brushed yours," you're so fucking pretty.."

Your cheeks flushed, especially because you were in public," Reneé..-" You'd started to protest, but then her lips were on yours before you could say anything else. Forgetting all your worries about being outed almost instantly, you kissed back.

Her lips moved slowly against your own, her hand coming to rest on the side of your neck. Adding gentle pressures here and there; that got a small hum out of you.

There was a flash of light, but you didn't think anything of it. Too focused on your girlfriend.

It wasn't until the next day where you realized what exactly that flash was.

"Oh fuck, no no no- please.." Your eyes widened with horror, the familiar feeling of anxiety rising in your chest as you sat on the edge of your bed. Just staring at an insta post with wide eyes. Someone from that party had taken a photo of the beer pong game with some friends. In the background of the photo you could see you and Reneé making out.

Sure, it may not be entirely obvious. But it was there. You knew what Reneé's fans were like, they would recognize her in an instant and then do some insane FBI shit to find out who you are. Then you'd be outed, if you weren't already.

What would your parents think if it ever made its way back to them? The rest of your family? Your younger sister was a big Reneé fan, she would probably hear about it first then blab to your parents about it.

"Shit!" You said it a little louder this time, having trouble slowing your breathing. You set your phone down as your hand rested on your chest, finger grazing your neck.

Reneé had just come out of the bathroom, having taken a shower to try and help her hangover just a little when she heard you.

" Baby?" Reneé walked over with a towel wrapped around her, settling down beside you. "Take some breaths, baby. In... out."

She coached you through some breathing exercises, letting you grip her hand as tight as you needed while brushing your knuckles with her thumb.

"What's wrong?" Reneé asked once you'd settled a little more.

You rested your head on her damp shoulder, keeping back tears as she held you.

Not knowing how to put it into words, you held your phone. Showing her the photo someone took last night. It took Reneé a moment to understand but when she saw it her eyes widened and she looked a little closer; making sure she saw right.

"Shit." She murmured, but when she felt you start to panic again she quickly altered her reaction.

"No no, baby. It's okay, just breathe. You'll be okay. I'll be with you the whole time, alright? And if anyone says anything bad or looks at you the wrong way," She held your chin, making you look into her eyes which were soft; but held a sense of seriousness," you come get me. Okay?"

"What if it's my parents that..." You murmured, not even finishing your sentence. Though Reneé knew what you meant. What if it was your parents who didn't accept you?

"Then fuck them, you're perfect. I don't care who tells you otherwise." She gave your forehead a kiss and you started to relax.

Feeling better that, knowing no matter what happened next, you had Reneé with you.

[thoughtofadumbteenprotagonist]

“You should be acknowledging this!” “Um, you should all be reblogging this actually” “think about this thing!” “Be aware of this new awful thing happening half way across the globe that you personally have no hope of every impacting in any way whatsoever, but I will word this post like it’s your fault personally!” No, actually. None of these things are my responsibility personally. Yes they’re shitty, yes they shouldn’t be happening, no I’m not going to be guilt tripped into reblogging your inane rant about it all just so someone else can get guilt tripped too.

[merverelli]

just a couple of dirty bean boys!

[lovelaceisntdead]

i think i just need to rewatch lost.

[uselessgaywhovian]

how to bring up to your dungeon master that your character might be better if she got railed

[orcelito]

Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

[pikachu-deluxe]

i absolutely am an idiot sometimes huh

[pedrospatch]

.

[imabee-oralizard]

Guys

What if I have a stroke

How do I know?

My blood pressure has been a good bit higher and I realized that I have been having more speech and some more coordination problems

And I already got migraines. They were worst this weekend though. I almost passed out in the shower, like eyesight went full black for a second. Luckily the bathtub drain is unclogged cause if I did pass out, it was like 1am and my mom was asleep and I could’ve drowned.

Can’t tell if my high blood pressure is stress because man am I STRESSED or if it’s other reasons

But it definitely isn’t helping cause it’s slowing me down meaning I can’t do homework as well meaning I get more stressed cause if my homework meaning it gets worst and then it’s a continuous circle

[windwardstar]

been fighting all day (week really) the urge to just like completely declutter my apartment and get rid of things i don't need because i've been feeling like i have too much stuff and general need to pare things down to bare essential anxiety

and now a half hour before bedtime got news that's making all that whatifhousingisn'tstablegottagetridofeverythingtoomuchstuffhavetohaveonlywhaticanmove anxiety ramp up. and like. first i know going on a cleaning spree isn't actually going to be productive especially bc this is entirely just anxiety and would be acting on the anxiety instead of like any actual need to do so, and. also. a half hour before bed is not the time to start this kind of project. at all.

[rabbitindisguise]

Had a beautiful moment where I was like "oh am I going insane? I'm going insane" and then everything was fine again (I mean kinda)

[malxshrine-a]

.

[eternal-reverie]

ok im actually feeling a bit crazy I need to interact with ppl beyond my immediate family and workplace

[yioh]

:-)