#but it has taken me becoming an adult and living through years he never had to TRULY get it

[caffeineheroes]

Today is Halloween 2023. Do you remember where you were on this day in 2012?

Visualize it.

Now imagine your best friends were just murdered. You were betrayed and falsely imprisoned for their deaths.

You're still in prison and your name is Sirius Black.

Not until next summer do you finally escape, living off rats in a dilapidated house on your old school's property while hunting the man who framed you.

Freedom is snatched away a second time and you go back on the run, but at least you don't spend the summer in prison. Yet as the leaves bloom red and gold, you find yourself living in a cave, begging for scraps at a nearby village through frost and snow.

The following summer, you go back to the childhood home of your nightmares where you were physically and emotionally abused until you ran away for good. Or so you thought. You spend the next year locked inside, not allowed to leave. Visitors come and go, sometimes staying a few nights or even weeks. But the rest of the time you are alone with the literal screams of your mother's cursing and slurs echoing through the empty house.

Your last summer arrives, but you don't know it yet. You leave the house to save your godson and never return. You're 37 when you pass through the veil.

You were 33 when you escaped from prison.

And you were only 21 when your bright future was snuffed out.

---

We forget how young Sirius was when he went to Azkaban. Or what 12 years really means until we look back on how young WE were 12 years ago. How much we've changed and the experiences that shaped us. That whole time, Sirius was trapped in a time capsule of his darkest depression. And after all that time, he barely lived at all.

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

[thatonejumbledmess]

So I got this random ass DCxDP Idea out of nowhere, so just hear me out for a second.

Vlad steals the infimap again, tells it to take him to his future, he ends up on this random ass mountainside in what seems to be the middle of the Himalayas. Danny gets sent by Clockwork to go retrieve the infimap. By this time, Vlad has discovered an odd pool of ectoplasm just through one of the caves in the mountain he'd landed on. It seems different from usual, but doesn't have enough time to inspect it before Danny shows up and re-claims the infimap and leaves Vlad there, he'd been oddly more violent, especially after seen Vlad with the pool of ecto.

Noting the location of the odd pool of ectoplasm, Vlad attempts to return to Illinois, only to find that he's several hundred years in the past, rather than just somewhere in the Himalayas in current time like he'd thought. He's now stranded here with no way of getting back to his own time, as the technology to even attempt to do so wouldn't exist until at least the 1980s. So, he returns to the pool of ecto to try and figure out what to do.

Eventually, he decides to gain power for himself in this time, he changed his name, starts a cult surrounding himself and the pool, gathers resources using his powers, and has his new subordinates build a tenple for him around the pool. His subordinates need to be able to defend him, so he hires a master swordsman to teach them how to weild weapons, he ends up following alongside the lessons either from afar, invisibly, or both, so he can claim to have known this skill all along. Slowly, the group expands, and someone attempts to kill Vlad. He sicks his now assassin level subordinates on the attacker, and thus, the League of Assassins is born.

All is well as Vlad waits patiently to catch up with Time. He'd found out early on that the pool he'd dubbed the Lazarus Pit could heal the sick and kill the healthy, so he used this as an excuse for his ghostly immortality. He ends up having a couple of paramors and a couple of children, which makes his core sing. Then, oddly enough, a young man shows up to request training from the group, he almost looked enough like Danny that Vlad had to take a second to realize that it was several years to early for the boy to have even been born; let alone a young adult.

Turns out, the young man was Bruce Wayne. This was certainly an odd turn of events, as it turned out Brucie Wayne was Batman. This revilation didn't bother him for long, and Talia had taken a liking to the man, so he instructed her to keep an eye on him.

Things were going well, Talia had been doing well keeping track of the fine detective. And had even coerced him into a relationship with herself, that might prove rathar useful down the line. Danny was due to be born the upcoming year. And Vlad was making preparations. While he couldn't take the boy just after his birth, that would mean he'd never become a halfa, he could bide his time and become a part of the boy's life earlier on, and take him under his wing after the accident.

He wasn't expecting Talia to come to him and tell him she was pregnant. He tried not to think too much on it. He knew of Damian Wayne's existence, and this child was likely that same boy. However, what he couldn't get put of his head was the sudden revalation to how similar the youngest Wayne and Daniel looked. They were even the same age. He decided to put it out of his mind, but the thoughts were wrenched back to the forefront of his mind when he found out Talia was pregnant with twins. He didn't like this, Damian had been an only child as far as he knew, so why had things changed?

He became further concerned when he tracked down Maddie and Jack to attempt to re-insert himself in their lives, only to find Maddie wasn't pregnant. Something had changed, and Vlad was panicked. Somehow, Damian Wayne would now be a part of a set of twins, and Danny would either be born later than last time or not at all.

Vlad tried to look into when and where the change had occurred, but without complete knowledge of how the timeline had occurred before his presence changed it, he had no idea what could have happened.

That was until the birth of twin boys, Damian came out perfectly healthy. The second boy had been very sick, but Vlad would recognize those blue eyes anywhere. It was Danny. He immediately ordered for the infant to be placed into the pits to heal and promptly secluded himself to his chambers to have a mental breakdown.

This didn't make any sense! Daniel was Jack and Maddie's son! Not Bruce Wayne's! But this made all too much sense: why there hadn't been any photos of Daniel before age 8 in the Fenton household, how Danny looked just slightly different than his parents, but in a way that could have feasibly been explained by latent genes. But it wasn't latent genes, Daniel Fenton wasn't Jack and Maddie's biological son, was he? Then, the final nail in the coffin, Vlad was reminded of his and Danny's first meeting, the boy had immediately tensed uppon seeing him, and had muttered something under his breath, something Vlad had brushed off as an insult. But now he thought about it, his tone had been questioning, almost scared. Danial had called him Grandfather.

[spiriteddreams]

Evermore

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Reader Warnings: angst, fluff, happy ending(? yea i'm pretty sure it is) Word Count: ~2.3k A/N: my flex is that i heard rwylm live so i won at life :D

seventeen — champagne problems Gojo Satoru slips through your fingers before you even register it happens. One moment you are dancing in the rain, Infinity not yet perfected as the cold seeps through your clothes. At seventeen you are both young and free, blissfully unaware of the consequences of your own actions as you fall in love. You may have fallen first, stumbling over the uneven cobblestone that protruded from the ground of Jujutsu High, but Gojo Satoru fell harder. Head over heels and far too arrogant for his own good, the holder of Limitless and the Six Eyes sweeps you off your feet and swears to offer you the world. He’s the strongest, and with his best friend at his side, there is really nothing that can stop the two of you. He spouts cheesy poetry with roses behind his back, looking away when you poke fun at the red that rises on his cheeks. You think you could bask in this moment forever, caught up in the adolescent innocence that was running from Principal Yaga during school hours and baking with Shoko in the middle of the night.

“This dorm is a madhouse,” you laugh, hand in his as you stumble to his room after narrowly avoiding being caught. 

Gojo grins back at you, “Well, it’s made for me!” A smile stretches across his face as he tugs you through the hallways. You ignore the way your friends watch with knowing looks, purposefully turning away to give the two of you space. When Gojo Satoru was seventeen, he didn’t quite grasp Infinity just yet, so the idea of space between the two of you, was impossible.

It is shattered in an instant and Gojo’s eyes become clouded with the weight of the reality of the jujutsu world. He drops your hand in the midst of dancing, leaving you standing in the rain, nothing to block out or distract you from the biting cold that stings against your skin. The death of Amanai Riko shakes Gojo to his core; both him and Geto, and he slips far beyond your reach. He’s there but he isn’t, and when you try to reach out to him, you feel as if he’s raised Infinity against you too.

The weight of the world seems to crash upon his shoulders as the applauses that he once reveled in became a dull roar in the back of his mind. Blurred faces haunt his memories and when you try to ask, Gojo shakes his head, mumbling that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened.

You don’t break up, but sometimes, you think that maybe, it would have been easier if things had ended then.

twenty — tolerate it Your heart drops when you hear that Geto has now been labeled as a curse user and is to be executed on sight. You refuse to believe that this boy that you’ve spent the last few years with in high school had suddenly turned his back to you, to Shoko, to Gojo. Gojo. 

“Satoru?” your voice is quiet but it cuts through the silence of his dorm room. You poke your head into the dark room, barely making out his figure leaning against his desk, head in hands and hair falling over his face. He doesn’t acknowledge your presence and when you step into his room, you feel as if you’ve fallen into a trap. The tension is thick and choking and you hold your breath as you approach him. His eyes are closed and you watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. The soft huffs of breath are the only sound that accompanies you in this silence.

“Satoru?” your call of his name for the second time makes his head raise, just barely tilting to acknowledge your presence. At twenty, you are caught between a teenager and an adult and amidst your own struggles, you realize that you don’t quite know what to do anymore. It shouldn’t have taken you this long to try to talk to him, because now that the distance has begun to stretch thin, you find that you are running out of things to say. How does one comfort a loved one who has lost another when, to him, you would never understand what it feels like to grapple with this turmoil. His words, not yours, remind yourself, mind flashing back to the last argument you had, one that ended with heaving chests and two stubborn teenagers. Only this time, you had Shoko to turn to, and Gojo had no one else. 

“Please, stop trying,” his voice is raspy but it hurts to hear. You realize that he’s far gone from your reach and this distance that you had once thought might be good for both you and him has instead come back around to tear you apart. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” The cycle repeats and he shuts you out once more despite each tallied attempt.

You say “I love you” to a seemingly empty room, the words clinging to nothing but the dust and shadows that you feel like you’ve been talking to this whole time. 

twenty-one — happiness Gojo Satoru never flinches. He takes the punches without batting an eye and strikes back even harder, knowing exactly where it hurts. He knows which cuts will bleed the most until you are left with nothing but pride to grapple with. 

You break up with him when you are both twenty-one. Four years together is shattered in an instant. Your voice doesn’t waver, doesn’t break, and neither do you. But he just stands there, eyes covered by sunglasses and takes it. It’s not messy, there are no raised voices, just the weight of exhaustion of two lovers who have pulled a string taut. Loving turns to waiting for the other to take the scissors and cut the string, but both are too stubborn to make the first move. And when given the opportunity, when he slips you the scissors behind your back you make the final decision. Emotions feel like a whirlwind in the moment as you grapple with knowing that you are the one to end four years of happiness. 

“I’m moving to Kyoto, I want a new start and Utahime is looking for a new roommate,” you say when the worst of it has passed. A few months down the line and you find that staying in Tokyo is only doing more harm. You become caught between growing tensions and your own internal conflict. So when Shoko offhandedly mentions moving somewhere new, but still with hesitance in her tone, and Utahime reaching out with regards to her new apartment, you jump at the new opportunity. For some reason, Gojo is the first person you decide to tell. He glances at you with a smile, teeth peeking out between his lips. You freeze at the sight, horrified at the cruel realization that you can’t quite tell if Gojo is truly happy for you to be starting anew, or if this winning smile of his was already starting to turn into a smirk.

“Don’t miss me too much!” ever the tease, Gojo tilts his head down so he can make eye contact, as if giving you one last look at those beautiful eyes of his before he hides them away. You’ll miss those eyes of his, you think; those ever knowing eyes that seem to see through you and break past every wall that you’ve built.

He does see through it all, so in tune with your emotions and every little twitch of your eyes and lips. Gojo is well aware of his own faults in this fall, but stubborn as he is, and selfish in his want to keep things civil, he doesn’t say anything else. His heart drops at the news of your departure. He can keep himself emotionally distant but physically? Perhaps this time you’re the one slipping beyond his reaches.

twenty-eight — long story short Utahime tells you that Gojo has taken in a new kid. You choke on your tea at the words until she clarifies that he’s simply taken in a boy to Jujutsu Tech (not custody over another kid, you hope that poor Megumi is doing well dealing with this man-child). At twenty-eight you know you’ve moved fast past your teenage romance that was Gojo Satoru. Now, you laugh at the memories, looking back on faded photos and scrawled love letters that once swept you off your feet.

But still, you find that it’s easy to fall into bad habits. And this one just so happens to be named Gojo Satoru. Ever cocky and teasing with his words and touches, you find yourself spending more time at Jujutsu Tech under the guise of working with Okkotsu Yuuta. Gojo finds his ways to slip back into your life, whether it's to bring you sweets he picked up as he was coming in late to work, or try to pester you about what it’s like to live with Utahime. There are no issues with humouring him, after all, you’ve had seven years of reflection. 

But seven years later you find yourself in his presence again and Gojo seems to be making every attempt to win you over again. He makes no attempt to hide what he’s trying to do, and you’re horrified to learn that Shoko knows all about it and she finds it rather amusing. 

At twenty-eight, both you and Gojo have had a myriad of experiences under your belt. Maturity comes with age, and while that may be said about the both of you (for the most part), you realize that Gojo still holds onto some of that childish innocence and energy that he did when he was younger. You see it in the way he raises Megumi who responds to his guardian’s attempts with eye rolls and glances over at you for help. You see it in the way he teaches his first years, poor Inumaki, Panda, Maki and Okkotsu staring blankly as their teacher brandishes extra sweet pastries as if it were some sort of reward. 

It is that energy that he brings back into your life that has you stumbling back, indulging in late night invitations to grab food and reminisce about your teenage days. Now, with the alarming lack of physical distance between the two of you, you would be lying if you said the thought never crossed your mind, that if you had stayed, what might have been. 

And one night, when you find yourself tangled up in his arms, you run, cursing his name through confusion and frustration. Seven years down the drain and you feel foolish.

When Gojo wakes to the distance reinstated, he wonders if you both will survive this when it all ends.

twenty-nine — right where you left me You return to Tokyo Jujutsu Tech under Gojo’s request. He texts you out of the blue with emoticons that contradict the severity of the situation at hand. You return with hesitance, walking through old hallways lined with dust and memories of teenagers that ran through with no care in the world. The trek back to your old classroom is one that brings back memories in waves and you can only wonder why Gojo has asked you to meet there. Your old classroom, the one that he now teaches in, with chairs that groan when you sit on them and desks that have markings from your teenage days looks nothing new, and yet it’s unfamiliar. 

Gojo sits with his feet propped up on the desk, chair tipping back precariously as he rocks back and forth, head turned towards the open window with blindfold over his eyes. He sits there, not yet acknowledging your presence, as if he’s been there for ages. The dust from the room seems to swirl around him, but never quite settling on his hair and skin because you know that he has Infinity raised. You wonder when the last time he let it down around you was. 

“What a sad sight,” you joke, “I never thought you would willingly sit in those seats again.” Gojo turns at the sound of your voice and a smile crosses over his lips. You know that he could have sensed you from a mile away, so you can only wonder why he decides to play stupid like this, minding his own business, seemingly caught up in his own thoughts. 

“Sometimes I like to indulge in old memories,” he doesn’t make any effort to move so you take the step forward, crossing through the doorway to enter this room of memories. You’re both older and wiser now and yet you seem to abandon it at the door. 

At twenty-nine you both know what’s coming next. The world has gone to shit and it’s impossible not to see the exhaustion that weighs down upon Gojo Satoru. Your feet move first, then your hands and your body as you embrace him tightly. For a moment you are thrown back in time, locked in the fantasy of seventeen with your arms wound tight around him. To stay here forever, like this, together, is all either of you dreamed of when you were young and stupid.

Fast forward to the present and you find yourself in this same old familiar position with years of history to separate the two of you. In the back of your mind you wonder if this is the right decision to make. You know that Gojo has been trying to return to your life, attempt after attempt chipping away at ivy covered walls as you take every chance to run. But as October peers around the corner, you let yourself fall back into his arms.

And when it’s time to go, when the world calls for the strongest, when it asks for Gojo Satoru to once again make another sacrifice, you hold his face close to yours and throw out all thoughts that this could end badly. 

“I’ll be here, right where you left me.”

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 a/n: spirit appears, spirit writes, spirit disappears (hopefully not)

[wisteriadaydreams]

Hello! Hope you’re doing well!

I absolutely loved your Tanjiro x Haganezuka’s daughter piece! It was just too cute!

May I request one with Tanjiro x Urokodaki’s daughter? She’d probably be really strong and train with Tanjiro, finally convincing her dad to let her become a Slayer, only to get lectured after accidentally falling on top of him or something because Urokodaki can just smell the puppy love brewing between the both of them!

Sorry, got a little carried away! 💗 Tanjiro is just too cute!

I’m most likely going to come back here, so if it’s alright, I’d love to be your 🌺 Anon! Sending lots of love and good vibes your way!

TANJIRŌ W/ UROKODAKI’S DAUGHTER!READER

pairing: Kamado Tanjirō x fem!reader

genre: angst in the beginning, mention of canonical character death, fluff later on

Words: 7.5k (buckle up ppl, it's a long one)

a/n: I was so excited when I first read this ask! I’m sorry it took so long for me to get to it! And yes, you can 100% be 🌺anon (≧▽≦)

Urokodaki and his wife have had a hard time conceiving, and as they grew older, they resigned themselves to accepting that they will not have a child of their own, no matter how much it pained them.

In a way, they had tried to fill the void by adopting and taking in orphaned children, but that doesn’t mean they don’t come to love them any less. Some of them eventually leave to forge their own lives when they become adults, while some decided to follow in Urokodaki’s footsteps and become a Demon Slayer.

Knowing the dangerous nature of the job, he vehemently denied the request, but after seeing the relentlessness and determined nature of his child, he finally relented. When it came time to send his first student off to the Final Selection, he and his wife did so with a heavy heart.

When their child never came home no matter how long they wait, they buried their memories and a piece of their heart at Mount Sagiri.

(Urokodaki would refuse to train anyone else for years to come, but there are always those who managed to convince him otherwise.)

Nevertheless, his household is one that always ring with laughter and joy, a household that sticks together through the hard times, holding each other close and wiping away each other’s tears.

So when you came to this world, it was to a home overflowing with love.

You were their miracle baby, a blessing from the gods, the light that makes their world brighter. When the news was announced, there was not one dry eye in the house. Suddenly, everyone became even more overprotective of your mother when she was pregnant with you, and she had to scold her husband and her children several times for coddling her.

When you came into this world, your brothers and sisters take turns holding you, cooing and feeling their hearts bursting from the sight of your smile.

You grew up in a world like that — protected and loved and never lonely.

They would sneak you sweets and gifts they got from the nearby town, and sometimes those training would let you hold their swords for a moment, at the expense of being reprimanded by Urokodaki.  You were spoiled beyond compare.

When your mother was taken by a swift but deadly illness while you were still too young to register death, your family did what they always do — mourn in each other’s arms, and slowly piece everyone back together.

If possible, your father became even more protective of you. He has lost too much. His comrades, his friends, his wife, his students and children. It would break him entirely to lose you, too.

You grew up in a home that protected and love you, but also a home that grieves for the lost souls that will never be able to find their way back. Over the years, you’ve watched all of your father’s apprentices leave the safe embrace of Mt. Sagiri, a sword by their hip, a fox mask by the side of their face, and hope shining in their eyes.

“Otou-san.” You tugged your father’s sleeve. “Where are they going?”

“To hopefully make the world a better place.” “When are they coming back?” “Soon, my daughter. I pray every day that it would be soon.”

Many of them promised you that they will come back and play with you. Many of them broke their promises.

One year, your father rescued two boys, Sabito and Giyū, whose families were both eaten by demons. You immediately took to them, constantly trailing behind them and jumping onto their backs. They in turn dote on you, keeping you company whenever they weren’t training. You would sit on the ground to watch them spar with your father, twirling the grass under your fingers and giggling when they were swiftly disarmed.

You didn’t really understand why they were training. You had an inkling of the demons beyond the safe vicinity of the mountain from the stories your other siblings would tell you, but other than that you couldn’t grasp why they were serious about it.

“Sabito-nii, why are you and Giyū-nii training with father?” You asked him one day.

“Because there’s dangerous creatures out there who would stop at nothing to kill humans, and there are only a select few who could deal with them.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, (Y/N)-chan, maybe that’s just the way of the world. We’re no matched for the strength of demons, so we must become stronger.” “But why you and Giyū-nii?”

He patted your head softly, a tender but sad look in his eyes. “So that no one would have to go through what we went through.”

Their training continued, progressing from proper breathing lessons to when their blades are suddenly embraced by foamy, cerulean blue waves that twist around one another. Your eyes would shine with delight whenever you catch their fluid movements.

The day comes when both of your brothers have to leave, just like all the other apprentices before them. Your heart sank to the pits of your stomach the night before, making you unable to sleep even a wink. What if they don’t return as well?

The next morning, you stubbornly cling to them, refusing to let go even when your father scolds you.

“But I don’t want you to go!” You exclaimed.

“Come one, (Y/N)-chan. It’ll only be for a little while. Sabito and I will be back before you know it.”

“Promise?” “Promise.”

About a week went by without any sign of them returning, and you’ve never felt so on edge. You started to stand outside diligently to hopefully catch a glimpse that peach shade of Sabito’s hair and the deep blue of Giyū’s eyes, only coming inside when your father urged you.

Finally, one misty morning, you were out pulling weeds in the garden when you spotted a head of thick jet-black hair from up the road. Your eyes widened when you saw the familiar figure trudging down towards the house.

“Otou-san!” You shouted as you ran towards him. “Giyū-nii is home!!!”

You resisted the urge to tackle him into a hug once you saw his fatigued and wounded state. Nevertheless, your heart soared in happiness.

“Giyū-nii! You’re back! Are you hurt anywhere?” Your eyes roam over him, wincing at the amount of dirt on his clothes. But your brother was unresponsive and dazed, even when your father put a hand on his shoulder. Something itched in the back of your mind, and your stomach twisted unexpectedly when you felt like something was not right.

“Giyū-nii,” you began slowly, your eyes darting all over the place. “Where is Sabito-nii?”

His silence was answer enough.

Nothing was ever the same after that. You’re no stranger to lost, but it didn’t stop your heart from cleaving into two and the tears from running down your face at night. Not when a piece of you seems to die every time you’re met with your father’s silent grieving, or heard the sobs from your brother that he so desperately tried to hide.

You were both just children grasping with death.

When it was time for him to leave and officially embark on his journey, it was pouring like they had never seen before. Perhaps that was best. Perhaps then none of them would notice the tears.

Your home became quieter. Still filled with love, but more somber somehow. Laughter came a little harder for you, and each time you watch the sunset, you can’t help but feel your shoulders become heavier, as if the twilight was a corporeal thing that weighed down on you.

For a while, it was only you, your father, and the silence. But that all changed when a little girl around your age stumbled into your lives.

Like many siblings before, Makomo came to your home unexpectedly, and yet it also felt like fate. She lit up the whole house with her gentle smiles and brightness, restoring some of the warmth that have been lost.

You take to her immediately, spending your days braiding flowers into each other’s hair and running through the mountains until you can draw a map with your eyes closed. You felt your soul healing in the presence of her calming demeanor. She became a sister that you could unconditionally trust to always have your back. Imagine your horror when she too was determined to walk down the same treacherous path.

“Makomo-chan! You can’t!” You tearfully protested. “It’s too dangerous!”

‘What if she doesn’t come back?’ The sentence replayed over and over in your head like a broken mantra, and you were once more squeezed by multiple stabs of fear and anxiety. Your father shared the same sentiments as you, and firmly denied her request.

How could he forgive himself if he let someone as young as her entrench herself into such a cruel world.

But Makomo was resilient and stubborn. She would sneak out and practice with a sword and had even somehow been able to grasp the basics of Total Concentration Breathing. When asked, she only smiled mysteriously and told you that she had some help.

When your father saw that his warnings fell on deaf ears and after seeing how much she improved, he finally caved in and took her as his apprentice.

To say that you were unhappy with the decision would be an understatement. You watched her train and become more graceful and quick on her feet, dread pooling in your stomach with every progress and injuryYou and your father hugged her and sent her on her way, and it felt like goodbye. You prayed to any gods that were willing to listen to protect her and bring her back to you.

You stayed by her side, occasionally offering her tips from what you’ve observed from the other students. You bandaged every single wound, lightly chastising her and telling her to be more careful next time. Her only response was to smile and thank you. The more you did this, the more you couldn’t help but wonder about her willingness to put herself on the line to help fight demons, and whether if there’s anything more that you could do.

As you had expected, she passed your father’s final trial. That night, you sleep in the same bed as Makomo, putting your arms around her and pulling her so close that it was difficult to tell where you end and where she began. You didn’t want to let go.

You and your father hugged her and sent her on her way, and it felt like goodbye. You prayed to any gods that were willing to listen to protect her and bring her back to you.

The gods too, did not answer them.

The pain coursed through your body like a beast made of liquid fire, clawing at your insides and erupting from your throat as you cried in your father’s arms. You cried until you became numb, until every muscle in your body feels like it had been crushed by the weight of your grief. Her grave was marked alongside the others. Wherever she was, she held a piece of your soul with her.

It was you, your father, and the silence, once more.

One afternoon, you return from working in the garden to see your father reading a letter, Giyū’s crow perch on his shoulder. Your spirit lifts momentarily, relieved that he is still doing well.

It’s hard to read your father due to the mask he wears, but from the way he grips the paper tightly and crinkling it, it can’t be good news.

“Otou-san, what is it?”

He lifts his head to look at you, then fold the letter and tucking it into his kimono before going back inside. “I need to go for a bit, (Y/N). Stay here, and prepare for some visitors.”

You only manage to blink a few times before he’s out the door again. Even at his age, he is still as fast as a Demon Slayer at their prime. As you prepare the ingredients for dinner, you wonder who the visitor could be.

You get your answer later that day, when your father comes back with a young boy in tow. Your father looked like he didn’t even break a sweat, but the boy trailing behind him seemed as if though he’s fighting for every breath. With a basket strap to his back, you can understand why that’s the case.

“Otou-san, who is this?” “This is Kamado Tanjirō. He’ll be staying with us for the night,” he says simply. “This is my daughter, (Y/N).”

You bow in greeting as he walks through the door. You watch in curiosity as he unwraps the basket, unveiling a sleeping girl tucked inside.

You would have reacted in horror if not for the fact that your father is being so calm about it, but it doesn’t stop you from wondering what’s going on.

“This is my sister, Nezuko. She’s…um…” Tanjirō looks to your father, asking for help.

“We’ll take care of her,” your father says. You quickly catch on and run inside to fetch a pillow and blanket, temporarily laying her on the ground until you can arrange a futon for her. “But for now, you and I will be climbing the mountain.”

With those words, it dawns on you. Here’s another person hoping to become your father’s student and become a Demon Slayer. All of his prospects go through the same process, and climbing the mountain is only the beginning of the trials they will face.

When your father returns, he fills you in on the situation. Your heart drops in sympathy when you hear that their family was killed by demons, and flinch when it’s revealed that the girl sleeping so peacefully near the crackling hearth is a demon.

“Otou-san, how can this be? She seems nothing like the demons you would tell me about.” “You feel it too,don’t you (Y/N)? She’s different from any demon I’ve encountered before. It’s like she’s still human somewhere in that body of hers.”

You look back down at Nezuko. It’s difficult to reconcile the image of blood-thirsty demons that has been instilled into you since childhood. Those that pillaged villages and killed without mercy. Those that…

You clench your hands into fists. It’s definitely difficult, and if both your father and Giyū are willing to put their trust into her, then you can try as well.

The first threads of dawn are beginning to slip through the horizon, and Tanjirō has yet to return from the mountain. You fidget in your seat, your eyes flickering every few minutes to the door, ears train to see if you can pick up the sound of any footsteps. You’re torn between wanting to see him succeed and fail. If he does, then you’re afraid that he’ll become another lamb on its way to slaughter. But if he doesn’t, then which other path can he walk on to restore his sister’s humanity?

In the midst of battling with yourself, your ears perk up at the sound of heavy footsteps. You whip your head to the door the same time your father does, and a second later it slams open to reveal a dirtied and injured Tanjirō, blood flowing from his head and shoulder.

“I’m…back…” He pants and is only able to utter before he collapses by the door frame. You rush to his side, preparing to carry him inside and treat his wounds. You look to your father, who stands stoic and in silent contemplation. You know that he has made his decision.

Every early morning, even before the sun rises, your father and Tanjirō would make their way up the mountain to begin their training. You would look after the still slumbering Nezuko, and then bring lunch to wherever they are. After having lunch with them, you would stay for a while to watch them train. In the evenings, you would take care of any injuries Tanjirō incurred throughout the day.

Your talks with him are often short, something to fill in the silence while you bandage him up. You’re grateful that he isn’t the type to pry, and instead is content with letting the conversation flow wherever it may. Your heart is still healing, and you’ve yet to recover the strength to open those scars again.

But the more time you spend around him, the more you realize that it’s terrifyingly easy to put your guard down around him. It’s like he has a soothing and warming aura radiating from him, causing you to unable to resist melting in his presence. It feels both familiar and so wildly foreign to you, that at times you’re unsure how to act around him.

Your father is harsher on Tanjirō than with any of his other students, and you can understand why. His improvement is gradual, and it’s clear that he doesn’t have the raw talent that Sabito and Makomo had. But what he lacked in talent, he made it up with determination.

Even on what is supposed to be his rest days, he would be out swinging his sword and working on his breathing. During those times, you would make sure that he’s eating and not neglecting yourself.

“You’re thinking too hard about it,” you say as you watch him try to master Total Concentration Breathing. “You have to be more subtle about it. Here, close your eyes.” You stand up and approach him. “Try to imagine the air as water. Let it enter you.” You close your eyes and breathe along with him. “Imagine it moving through every part of you.” You trail your fingers down his arms. “Feel it in every cell and vein, feel it touch you and flow around you. See the difference?”

“I-I think so.” You open your eyes to smile, and that’s when you realized that his hands are now clasped tightly in yours, and the distance between you two is too close for comfort.

You drop his hands like they’re hot coals, a blush quickly rising to your cheeks. “Sorry!”

“N-no, it’s okay.” As opposed to your worryingly flaming face, his cheeks only had a tinge of pink. “But thank you, (Y/N)-san! I understand now.”

“It’s-it’s nothing. Just something I picked up while watching others train.” “Just from watching? That’s amazing! I’m surprised you’re not training already. You would leave me in the dust.”

“…You think so?” “I know so. Just last week you helped me with my stance and how to properly swing my sword. And you seem to already know how to do Total Concentration Breathing.” He pauses and begins his next sentence tentatively. “Sorry if this is rude of me, but I’m just wondering why you haven’t become Urokodaki-san’s student yet.”

You tilt your head, giving thought to his question. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I guess it’s partly because I know how it feels to be the person on the other side. I don’t think I could bear putting my father through having to worry about me like that. But at the same time, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it before. I don’t know though…”

Can you do it? Can you actually take up a sword and leave everything behind? Knowing that you're risking everything and never come back?

But…maybe then you can go and explore beyond the mountain. Maybe you can help other families sleep better at night. Children won’t have to look behind their back in fear of things creeping in the dark. No one would have to go through what you went through.

“Well, whatever you decide.” Tanjirō pats your shoulder reassuringly. “I believe it’ll be the right decision.”

“No.”

You’ve expected this response from your father, but it didn’t cause you to flinch any less. “But otou-san–”

“No means no, (Y/N). I will not allow you to become a Demon Slayer.” “But I’ve been watching you teach for years! I know how to do Total Concentration Breathing, and I basically know all the stances by heart. If only you would let me try, then I know I can master them!” “And you know perfectly well how dangerous is it.”

“Of course I know!” You can’t help but raise your voice a little. “And how many more have to lose their lives? I’m sick and tired of sitting around and doing nothing, waiting for the next bad news. I want to do something to help!” “And you’re already doing that by staying here and being safe.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be coddled and safe anymore!” Your chest heaves and you turn around, unable to bear looking at his masked face any longer. “I just wish you would believe in your daughter a little more.” With that, you walk out the door, ignoring the words of your father.

Your legs take you to the huge frothing waterfall a distance away from your house, a favorite place of yours when you want some peace and quiet. It’s just you and the sound of rushing water to drown out your thoughts. Or so you thought.

“(Y/N)-san.” Your soul nearly left your body. You wildly turn around to see that Tanjirō had followed you.

“Tanjirō-san! You scared me to death! How did you even find me?” He taps his nose and that’s all you needed to know. “…Right. Well, you’re welcome to sit next to me, since you’re here already.”

He takes your invitation. “I just want to know how you’re doing.” You hug your knees to your chest and sigh. “Thanks. Sorry you had to hear that, by the way. I understand where my father’s coming from, I really do. But at the same time, I can’t help but think he thinks I’m not enough in his eyes, like I’m still a baby that needs to be cocooned. But I’ve been by the sidelines for so long, always watching and worrying and feeling useless. If I have the ability to, I should stand up and do something. Shouldn’t I?”

“Hey.” Tanjirō places a warm hand on your shoulder. “You’re not useless. You take care of the whole household. You cook for us and remind us to take a break. You give me advice, encouragement, and always take care of me when I get injured. I think you’re already incredible as you are. But if you believe you can do something more, then I say go for it! I’ll support you!”

“Really?” You ask, eyes wide in wonder at his words. He nods, and you know it to be true. You feel your fingertips become tingly, and all the water in this world could not wash away the bubble of warmth in your body. “Thank you.”

You scoot a little closer to him, content to be in his presence. Nothing needed to be said that isn’t already felt in the blank spaces of your words.

When you return, your father is waiting for you, his arms crossed. You gulp, knowing that you’re in big trouble, but you stand your ground anyways.

“Tanjirō, go inside. I need to speak to my daughter privately.” “Yes, Urokodaki-san.” He gives you an encouraging look and heads inside, leaving you and your father alone. The tension is so thick you can cut through it with a sword, and your foot fidgets in anticipation of who will be speaking first.

“I made a promise to your mother,” your father begins, and that makes everything you’re going to say go back down your throat. “That I would keep you safe, and make sure no harm comes to you.”

You hang your head, that familiar wisp of sadness creeping up on you. Over the years, you’ve heard many stories about your mother, wanting to know everything about her to fill in the gaps of your memories, selfishly clinging to the last vestiges of her presence that you can remember.

“But I’ve also made another promise to her, that I’ll always make you happy,” he continues. “And if this is truly the path you want to take, then I’ll fulfill your wish.” You whip your head up at his words, surprise overtaking your face. “But just because you’re my daughter doesn’t mean I'll go easy on you, do you understand? If at any point I deem you not suitable, I’ll pull you from training.”

“Yes, otou-san!” “Good, then be up by 4 am tomorrow.”

If he’s already hard on Tanjirō, then he’s hard on you 10 times over. If Tanjirō has to swing his sword 1000 times, you have to do it 2000 times. If he only has to descend the mountain 2 times, you have to do it 5 times. If he has to stay under the waterfall for 5 minutes, you have to do it for 15. But you take it all in stride, finally being able to find an outlet for your pent up energy over the years.

You and Tanjirō becomes closer due to this, bonding over your shared misfortune of being tortured mentored by the former Water Hashira. One some days you would spar with him, eager to see how much you’ve improved.

Today, you’ve managed to disarm him and goes through the motion to pin him to the ground, but a miscalculation quickly cause you to lose your balance. Before you know it, you let out a yelp and is dragged to the ground with him. You brace for impact, but your fall is broken by a soft weight below you. That weight being of course no one else but your sparring partner.

You open your eyes and is mortified to see Tanjirō staring back at you, your noses almost touching one another. From this proximity, you’re able to see the closer the soft gradient of his dark maroon eyes, like embers blazing in the hearth. Your body is pressed against his, his arms settled lightly at your waist no doubt to soften your fall. Your eyes unconsciously travel down to his lips for a brief moment, but enough for you to begin scolding yourself incessantly for the intrusive thought that runs through your mind.

“Kamado Tanjirō!” Your father’s voice booms through the field. “What do you think you’re doing?”

You and him immediately scramble away from one another, faces so red that even a ripe tomato would be jealous. Your father stares down at the both of you, the silence even more unbearable with the menacing aura radiating from him.

“1000 sword swings from you, Tanjirō. And you, (Y/N), I’m going to properly teach you how to stay on your feet.”

You both shiver, the calm way he said it making it sound even more cold to your ears. “Y-yes sir.”

6 months go by, and Nezuko have yet to wake up. Even when the doctor assures that there’s nothing wrong with her, you still can’t help but worry about her. 6 months go by, and your father declare that he has nothing more to teach you.

You and Tanjirō look at each other with surprise. While you know what’s coming next, you’re astonished when instead of leading you up to the mountain towards a boulder like Tanjirō, your father leads you to the waterfall where you’ve spent countless days training.

You look to your father for answers, but he is quiet against the mighty rush of the water.

“This will be your final task. With your sword, part this waterfall in half. Do this, and I will allow you to attend the Final Selection.”

Your eyes nearly pop out of your sockets at what he said. Water in its essence is fluid and flexible, capable of taking any shape or form. It flows wherever it wants, unyielding to the obstacles in its way. How could you hope to conquer it with your blade?

“Otou-san! But–” “Prove yourself to me, my daughter.” With that, he turns around and leave without another word, no matter how many times you shout and urge him.

True to his words, he did not teach you or give you any more explanation. The first time you attempt to do what he wanted, all you got back was a mouthful of foamy water. You’re hit with the realization of how much you still have to learn. For the first 6 months, you devote yourself to honing your knowledge and fortifying your previous training. You work until you feel your arms fall off every night, until all the breathing forms are engraved into your very bones. And still, you make no progress.

There are days when you feel worthless, and the last thing you want to do is hold a sword. During those times, you resign yourself to sit by the river, skipping stones and filling your mind with questions and memories. You wonder how Tanjirō’s doing. Has he made any progress with the boulder yet? You can’t help but miss him. You’ve only realized how much time you spend with him once you’re apart. You miss having him there to encourage you when the training becomes too much, miss laughing whenever both of you would end up on the ground, tired beyond belief. Miss eating meals with him and sharing happier stories about your childhood. Miss tucking him into bed and sitting by him in this very spot even on nights when you’re both yawning.

Your father has forbidden you to go see him to allow both of you to focus on your task, but what’s the harm in one little peek? You know the way by heart, and soon you arrive at that familiar clearing. As you’ve expected, he’s already hard at work, but the person he’s fighting makes your blood turn cold.

You would recognize that peach shade anywhere. You see it every day in the sunset. You open your mouth, but no words leave them. You’re frozen, unable to do anything but watch as Tanjirō and your (dead) brother encircle each other. Blood rushes to your head and you feel like you might faint. Your vision becomes blurry, the dance of their swords become streaks of light. You brace against a tree, and out of the corner of your eyes you see another sight that makes your world tumble and your heart to lurch into your throat.

“...Ma...komo?”

Her smile is as gentle as you remember it. Everything about her is just as you remember it, like a pristine memory come to life. She nods at you and gestures for you to follow her deeper into the woods. Against all reason (of which you have none at this moment), you follow her drowsily. This has to be a dream. You’ve hit your head while making your ascent and now you’re dreaming. This has to be the only reason.

But then she leads to a spot so familiar to the both of you, and for the first time since you’ve seen her you have to wonder if you’re not actually hallucinating. She turns, and her voice is just as you remember it. “Hi, (Y/N)-chan.”

Gods, you feel like throwing up.

“Makomo...how...? How?” You’re only able to mutter. She sits you down and explain everything, about how she’s tied to this mountain, and how countless students before her have also found their way back here.

“So the person who helped train you...” “Was Sabito, yes.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I wanted to, I really did. But Sabito wanted me to focus on my training. And...he didn’t want to stop you and Urokodaki-san from moving on.”

You twist your hands into the grass, sorrow coiling tightly around your stomach. “So...I’m guessing that Sabito-nii is helping Tanjirō grow stronger.” “He is. Tanjirō has a lot of potential, he just has to learn how to unlock it. As do you. We’re all so happy when you began training, you know. You’ve become so strong.” “But not strong enough to finish my father’s trial.”

Makomo sits pensively. “Maybe you’re approaching it the wrong way. Remember what Urokodaki-san told us when we were learning the forms?” “Become one with the water. Do not resist its flow. Embrace it, and it will answer your call.” “I think that’s something to think about.”

You let her words sink into you. “Okay, I’ll give it some thought.” Makomo stands up. “It’s time for me to go back. But (Y/N)-chan, I must ask you a favor. Can you keep the truth from Tanjirō? We don’t want him to be distracted from his progress.”

“But can I see you again?” She shakes her head. “No, (Y/N)-chan. You must also focus on your own self. But know this. We are all watching you, and we will always be by your side.” “...Then this is goodbye.” “Only for now, we will meet again.”

“Tell Sabito-nii I still think of him. That every time I make mushroom nabe I would still remember him, and that there will be a day when I watch the sunset and feel happy.” “I will.” “Goodbye, dear sister.”

A few more months pass, and despite Makomo’s advice, you have still yet to put her words to good use, no matter how much you’ve tried. But you can’t give up now, not when you know you have everyone’s trust in you. 

It is near the hour of twilight, and you’re sitting on a rock underneath the waterfall, letting the waves pour down on you. Your eyes are closed, and all the sounds of the world are lost on you. You tune out the sensations of your body, your heart, your mind, every muscle and vein, until they’re nothing but water. You slowly rise to your feet and lift your sword, but instead of resisting, you succumb to the weight. You let it guide you, trusting it to show you the way. It answers your call. You swing.

You open your eyes, and your jaw drops. The current of the waterfall is perfectly split into two, the resulting drops of water flying from your blade like bejeweled dew against a backdrop of pink that extends its darkening arms toward the golden sunset. Entranced by the sight, you only notice your father and Tanjirō when they’re by your side. Tanjirō’s eyes are as wide with wonder as yours, while your father is hard to read as ever. 

“I had no intention of sending you or Tanjirō to the Final Selection,” he finally says. “I could not bear to lose any more of my students, nor can I bear to lose my only daughter. But you’ve surpassed all of my expectations. Perhaps it’s time for me to realize you’re not that same little girl who would cling to me anymore.”  He takes you into his arms, and no matter what he says, you’ll always feel like a little girl when you hug him. “You’ve become so strong, my daughter.”

That night, you’re barely able to sleep, and even though you should be sick of the waterfall at this point, you can’t help but sneak out to it one more time. It’s not long until you hear a pair of familiar footsteps joining you.

“Hey Tanjirō-kun. Can’t sleep?” “Yeah, I can’t help but feel anxious about tomorrow.” “Me too. Congratulations on completing father’s final challenge, by the way.” “That’s nothing compared to you. You were incredible! How did you do that?” You blush at the compliment. “I had some help.”

You rest your head on his shoulder, the action as normal as breathing. “What do you think will happen tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. But whatever happens, we’ll face it together.” You nod. “Together."

What makes Tanjirō so different to you? Why do you feel so drawn to him? Why does your heart sing when he is near? When did your eyes come to search for him, and why do you crave for these moments like they’re the air that you need to breathe? In the back of your mind, you think you have the answer, but you’ll have all the time in the world to decipher it.

You lift your head and stand up, extending your hand to him. “Come on, let’s go back.”

He slides his hand into yours, and it feels right.

The next morning, you and him are all packed and prepared. You never thought you would be the one on the other side, a sword by your hip and your father’s fox mask by the side of your face, saying a bittersweet goodbye to him.

Just before you two leave, Tanjirō turn back one more time, mentioning Sabito and Makomo in his farewell. You wince, and you can only imagine what your father’s reaction was.

“How come you’ve never mentioned them?” “...You’ve never asked.”

Thankfully, he didn’t pry anymore into the subject, and your journey to Mount Fujikasane is smooth. You’re amazed at the sight of the wisteria blossoms before you, so abundant that it falls like rain. You arrive at the main area, and after hearing the rules, the actual challenge begins.

You and Tanjirō agree that it would be best to head east in order to receive sunlight the quickest. Along the way, you encounter two demons, both of whom you two quickly dealt with. You watch as he prays over the disintegrating corpses, and at times like these you have to wonder how he manages to remain so kind when he has been broken by this world.

You proceed, when suddenly Tanjirō stops you in your path, holding his nose as if he smelled something foul. A scream from the darkness sends chills down your spine. The next thing you see fills you with horror. A demon far too big and monstrous to be considered befitting the level of an amateur slayer trudges through the forest, each of its heavy footsteps thrumming in your ears. Each of its limbs are veiny and as huge as your entire body, twisting and coiling around it like mangled flesh. You can barely make out where its main body is, let alone its neck.

It holds a dead man in one of its horrific hands, devouring him in one motion. Bile rises to your throat at the sight, and you feel your legs tremble and rooted deep to the ground. The demon seizes another man with its extended arm, your breath quickening when it opens its gaping mouth. Fortunately, Tanjirō recovered before you, and rush out to slice its arms with the second form of Water Breathing. You snap out of your fear only a second later, even out your breathing and sprint out to push the man behind you, your swords drawn alongside Tanjirō.

The demon becomes incensed when it spots your fox mask and rages as it curses your father’s name over and over. You listen in horror when it reveals how many humans it has eaten, but that is nothing compared to the fire burning in your blood when he says how many of your father’s students it has devoured.

Thirteen. Thirteen of your brothers and sisters. Thirteen souls that will never come home. Thirteen names that you can recite in your sleep.

The fire blazes into a vengeful inferno when you hear it describes the deaths of Sabito and Makomo with glee, as if they’re as trivial as bugs. As if there are not still those who mourn for them.

You advance with rage and with only one working thought in your mind. Kill.

The demon is even more amused at your reaction, and to your dismay no matter how many arms you and Tanjirō cut down, more would just grow back. One of them lands a hit on Tanjirō, sending him flying and hitting a tree.

“Tanjirō-kun!” You shout, your heart dropping at the blood on his forehead and his unconscious state. You’re left to fend the demon by yourself.

“Control your breathing, (Y/N)-chan. Do not worry about us, focus on saving Tanjirō.” You hear Makomo’s voice inside your head, and only then did you realize how you’ve essentially forgone every lesson your father has drilled into you. You quickly chastise yourself and regulate your breathing, standing your ground and working to divert the demon away from the unconscious boy.

“Tanjirō-kun! Wake up! Please, I need you!” You exclaim as you sliced another limb, your muscles starting to ache from how many times you’ve done so. You couldn’t severe every one of them all alone, and to your terror one of them escaped your attention and is targeting right at him. “Tanjirō!”

As if answering your prayers, he finally opens his eyes and move out the way. But you’re barely able to let out a sigh of relief before more come at you. You dodge and run to his side, your sword brandished and held tight, face-to-face with the enemy. You spare a quick glance to Tanjirō, both of you nodding.

“Together?” “Together.”

You advance, cutting down any obstacle standing in your way. At a warning shout from Tanjirō, you both leap in the air to avoid the arms underground. A limb lashes out to grab Tanjirō, but he’s able to utilizes that hard head of his. You both land on the arm, ready to execute the final attack.

“Tanjirō-kun, I’ll take care of its arms! You aim for the neck!” You carry out the Fourth Form and destroys anything blocking his path, and in a fast flurry of the First Form, it is done.

He is no more.

When there is finally time to rest and you’re done taking care of his forehead injury, you’re left to grasp with the ugly truth displayed right before your very eyes. So many lives lost, all of it fueled by hatred so deep that it makes your heart sinks. What would your father think when he realizes that a small decision of his may have led to his students’ demise?

“I’m sorry for not telling you the truth,” you whisper as you rest under the shade of a tree. Tanjirō turns away from you, and the action makes your stomach twist. He is silent for a moment before speaking. “It’s not your fault. To be honest, I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to face them and realize that they’re true.” Another pause. “Do you think they’re at peace now?”

You grip your kimono where your heart rests. “Yeah. Yeah, I think they are.” You don’t lie about this, you feel your soul getting lighter.

“Will you tell me about them?” “Later,” you shuffle next to him, curling into his warmth as your eyes become heavy. “I promise.”

You spend your mornings like this, sleeping after a long, arduous night. Moving ever closer until you two fit like puzzle pieces, hands gripped tight in search of the other’s warmth, a confirmation that you both are still alive.

Against all odds, you both survived the 7 days.

Drained of all energy and adrenaline, the trek back home is just as taxing for your weary bodies. You support each other by lifting the other by the shoulder, praying with every step that you’ll soon see that thatched roof that you call home.

Your journey comes to an end when you see the light from that lone house near the mountain. Your shoulders sag in relief, and you would have buckled if not for Tanjirō’s arm around you. Suddenly, the door is kicked down, and out comes the girl that you’ve only ever seen in deep slumber. She looks even more beautiful under the moonlight, and you gasp at the recognition in her still human eyes.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirō rushes down to meet his sister, and at the halfway point she cradles his head into her chest, so gentle that it makes tears well up in your eyes.

You spot your father, his arms full of firewood, and a tired smile makes its way up your face. “Otou-san...”

Uncaring about the wood he just dropped by his feet, he pulls all of you (his children) close, and there is no stopping the torrent of tears from flowing down all of your cheeks.

“You’ve survived. You’ve come back to us.”

The days that followed allow you to recuperate and come to terms with what you have learned at the Final Selection. You all devote an entire day to clean and make offerings to the graves of those that are gone and spend the entire night reminiscing your memories about them.

It also allows you to bond with Nezuko, and once again you’re convicted to help Tanjirō find a way to turn her back into a human.

But those halcyon days are short-lived, and after receiving your Nichirin sword, uniform, and first joint mission, it’s finally time to leave.

("That’s a gorgeous shade of blue, huh Urokodaki?” “Of course, she’s my daughter, after all.”)

You stand on the other side, hugging your father and promising that no matter what, you will come back to him. This is a promise that you intend to keep. He fixes your uniforms, his fingers lingering as if he’s still not ready to let go.

“Take care of her, Tanjirō,” he says, and unexpectedly pulls him closer so that he could whisper something. You don’t know what he said, but whatever it was, Tanjirō becomes deathly pale and shivers uncontrollably. You look at them curiously, but none of them would meet your gaze.

Finally, you take your first few steps down that dirt path, sparing one final look at your world and everything you’ve ever known. But you’re not afraid, for you have Tanjirō by your side.

“We’re in this together.”

“There’s no one else I would rather do this with.”

©️ wisteriadaydreams

➺ All of the following works belong to me. Please don’t repost, copy, or steal my content off of Tumblr. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the Asshole for reporting my coworker a second time? (TW// Sexual Harassment, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Self Harm)

(🍫💵 so I can find it later.)

I work a job where I (22 F/NB) am a cashier at a local supermarket. I have a few coworkers close to my age, but most are either in their late thirties/early fourties' or are kids who go to the local high schools in the area.

Around the beginning of this year, we'll call him Abe (17~ M) attempted to ask out my coworker who we'll call May (16~ F). They'd hang out semi-regularly along with the other kids still in high school, and while they never caused trouble, they did tend to goof off and joke around a lot.

May refused him, saying she wasn't interested. For WHATEVER reason, he did not accept this rejection and continued to ask. This was an issue, as not only is it sexual harassment, but Abe is a cart-pusher and May is a cashier. He was already a pretty lazy employee (management was always upset at him because he'd get caught playing on his phone instead of working), but now he'd purposefully go through her lane at the supermarket just to ask her out repeatedly and beg to be with her. Every time he found her alone, he'd go right up to her and keep pestering her about it. She felt so uncomfortable and unsafe about it that she told our team lead, who agreed to stay by her side. This was spread to our management, who make sure she isn't alone so that he can't corner her about going out with her.

I have witnessed him doing it many times, enough that I reported it to HR when May refused to do it herself. They told me to get her into contact with them and report it to them, and finally I convinced her to do it.

There was a sort of peace period after that, where they weren't scheduled at the same time. But recently he's taken it a step further and has decided to come in on ANY day she is scheduled (even if he isn't) to keep trying to ask her out. Most of the cashiers are aware of the situation and got upset with him. One of the few who is around my age (and recently pregnant) even cussed his ears off for harassing her so much because it didn't look like management was doing anything. Abe declared that the pregnant coworker broke his heart, and now his behavior had gotten WORSE.

Abe would look at those who he'd "hang out" with at work and either try to guilt them into helping him win over May's heart, complain about her not living him, and talk about how "white people suck"/"white people are so shitty" despite BEING white (to my knowledge, please don't go after me in the notes about this) himself. He'd also stalk her work bestie around and trash-talked the pregnant co-worker, all while NOT DOING HIS JOB, by the way.

One of the habits he has picked up however is miming actions to his fellow minors. The one I heard him use mostly was of him pretending to shoot himself in the head.

But one day I was working as the customer service rep for the night (no one else could do it), and I gave him a polite nod when he walked past. He smiled at me and then mimed cutting himself.

This was not something I had heard of him doing before, but when I talked to my coworkers they said "yeah he was doing this too".

In the moment I had given him a very firm No, because it was not work appropriate. Abe insisted, and pretended to cut his wrists again.

I'm on anon so none of you know me, but I used to severely struggle with suicide and self harm from a young age. However I have gotten better since becoming an adult and have made MASSIVELY impressive strides to a happier life. From this, I understand joking about suicide, because if you joke about it with someone you are not only in a safe place to bring it up BUT are coming around to the idea of telling people that you need help.

Joking about self harm, however? I've never heard of it. It's an entirely different ball park. You don't joke about those things.

In the moment, I was in disbelief, and I felt sick. I even started mentally shutting down, to the point where I couldn't even do my usual tasks properly without being specifically told to start them. Everyone noticed. I even cried once I was in my car while my sister was picking me up and safe, because I was trying so fucking hard not to think about that time in my life when I had moved myself so far past it.

Right at the beginning of shutting down, I did tell a manager. I told the manager who worked the next day as well, just so that I'd be SURE something happened about it. Abe visited that day on his day off because May was working again, and I panicked so much at seeing him that I hid behind customer service until one of my work friends told me he had left- instead of staying at May's side like I usually would. (I put my mental health first- it was a tough lesson that I managed to learn last year to the point that I do it in my day-to-day. She wasn't left alone with him though, don't worry.)

It genuinely sickened me that he has been miming cutting himself to other minors, when I know that if I had been May's age and had seen that amidst recovery, I would have spiraled and started all over again. Abe's lucky none of them are like that (at least openly) and that I was uniquely affected whereas the others were just "creeped out".

I ended up reporting his actions towards me about a week after I convinced May to personally report his harassment, and then I found out that the first manager I talked to (who has a soft spot for him, he does use this to his advantage to get out of trouble at work) asked him what was wrong and his response was "I'm having a bad day".

Considering that he does this every day he comes into work, whether he's actually working or not, on top of everything else (and how it effected me)- I am very hurt and genuinely hate him after all of this when I hadn't hated him before (despite the fact that I have only hated 2 people in my life before that point). However, I don't know if he was joking about how bad he feels about the fact that she does not want him at all or if he's genuinely hurting himself, and I feel sick at the thought of my actions if it's the second scenario.

Even if he's sexually harassing my coworker, no one should ever feel like they deserve to be hurt or that they don't deserve life. That's what I believe. And I'm worried that, should Abe find out I reported him twice over this, that he'll yell at me and say that I'm an asshole for doing that (and I know it would happen, because that was his response with my pregnant coworker). I know I'm doing the right thing by reporting the continuous harassment, but my heart is genuinely conflicted now. He needs to stop, but what if my actions are causing this response? I could never live with myself knowing that I was the reason someone hurt themselves. My anxiety won't let it rest.

And so, Tumblr, I must know...

Am I the Asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[donna-rinascimentale]

hiya! hope you doing well.

would you elaborate on the interpretation you were talking about in your Labyrinth post tags? what you said was really interesting and I never thought about it that way! 👀

also, hope you had fun watching! ✨✨✨

certainly.

i’d always been subscribed to the interpretation that the labyrinth is a metaphor for navigating coming of age, that the end of sarah’s hero’s journey is a means of balancing adult maturity with never losing a child’s sense of wonder and imagination. the fandom has thought up tons of explanations for where jareth falls in this scenario. is he a tangible antagonist, actively trying to get sarah to slip back into her old childish ways? a metaphor for adulthood, all that sarah is and isn’t ready for?

i think he’s all sarah’s creation. so does jim henson.

“He represents a lot of things that are a part of Sarah's world, what she's trying to figure out and what she's going through. … [Jareth] has no reality except what Sarah gives him, which she can constantly change.”

sarah seems to be very genre-savvy. she reads lines from a play titled the labyrinth, and she recognizes the puzzle of the two guards and implies she’s practiced it before in case she’d happen to encounter it. here, the labyrinth is a product of sarah’s fantasy, by which she navigates her adolescence and her parents’ divorce and her perceived lack of autonomy in a manner typical of a seasoned fantasy reader.

sarah is well aware that every fantasy hero needs a villain. the likeness she gives hers is that of her mother’s costar—as the former mrs. williams is a stage actress, shown in the photo on sarah’s vanity of her posing with a fellow actor who looks just like this jareth. sarah made jareth, made him as beautiful and dangerous as she believed he should be.

sarah made jareth.

to jareth, god is a sixteen-year-old girl.

imagine god, calling you by name, crowning you a king and giving you beauty and power. you were quite literally born for this. all you know is this role, building yourself and your kingdom just the way god wishes it.

then, god turns herself away from you.

you may feel betrayed. hollow, like you’ve been stripped of everything that makes you you. “you made me this way,” you might say.

Everything! Everything that you wanted, I have done. You ask the child to be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time, I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you.

“i was playing the role you put me in. what was i made for, if not you?

i can’t live within you.”

Just fear me, love me, do as I say

“let me play the role of villain, the role you made me to fill.”

and I would be your slave.

“your will be done.”

god is a sixteen-year-old girl who hasn’t yet figured out the way she wants to be worshipped. it’s a heavy burden, trying to satisfy someone who doesn’t know what she wants.

but there is hope for jareth.

fandom rarely debates on how to interpret the barn owl at the beginning of the film. we’re pretty much in consensus that it’s a manifestation of jareth, but that’s never given much thought.

when sarah asserts her power and escapes the labyrinth, jareth has once again taken the form of the owl. in the final scene, when sarah celebrates with her friends from the labyrinth, reconciling her love of fantasy with her maturity and self-growth, jareth flies away, smaller and smaller until he’s gone. here we turn to the age-old metaphor of flight as freedom.

in moving away from escapism and becoming an active participant in her own life, sarah has freed jareth from the role of villain. none of the friends in her room are human. be reminded again that jareth bears the likeness of a man present (at least tangentially) in sarah’s real life, who would likely feel disheartened knowing he’s blamed for something beyond his control.

because sarah has no more need for a jareth, there is no more jareth. and that’s arguably best for both of them.

(p.s.: i go to the theater tomorrow! i have a sarah-esque outfit put together and everything. thanks for wishing me well & know tomorrow can’t come soon enough for me… this film has been among my favorites for many many many years and each watch makes me find more to love. best cult i’ve ever joined)

[talesfrommedinastation]

On Neurodiversity and Parenting

Before I get into the meat of this, let me tell you about one of the best vacations I’ve ever had as a parent. 

It was a group of my good friends, all alumni of the same university. We all graduated in the same year, we had all been roommates, the works. But we are now super busy professionals, and hadn’t seen each other in years. 

So, we organized a 5 day long extravaganza in the desert. We rented a massive house with a HUGE, gorgeous pool, a game room, volleyball court, and plenty of bedrooms for the people coming. We had two married couples, two single people, and 4 kids in between the ages of 1 to 7. The area surrounding us had museums, outdoor activities, and a few breweries. 

It should have been hell, especially for someone like me, who has mild ASD, shoved into this house with all of these people. Noise, socializing, the whole kit and kaboodle. 

It was awesome. Why? 

My daughters (both of whom are very young) were always fed, watched over, and entertained by the two other kids and at least another adult at all times. Responsibilities were shared, and communication was crystal clear. I myself was never stressed out, worried, angry, or overwhelmed–all things that happen when you have ASD and loud, social activities are happening.  

We, as adults, all took turns with the kids and allowed ourselves to retreat and relax when it was needed. The kids, as a result, were all conked out by 7 pm, allowing us to mingle and chill on our own time. It was one of the few vacations I’ve taken as a parent where I came back refreshed and recharged. 

I bring this up, because many times, neurodiverse individuals are often infantilized, belittled, or even mocked when we talk about having families. Worse is the borderline eugenics comments, the ‘do you want more people like you in the world’ remarks. Which is disgusting, but not unexpected. 

I’m also writing this because our favorite neurodivergent clone, Tech, finds himself as the father of a small daughter in Far Past the Ring. I went through this storytelling route as I wanted to not only explore Belter vs Clone biology (more on that later) but also how neurodiverse folks can successfully parent. 

Far Past the Ring is not meant to be a found family fluff piece–it is an epic story of two cultures meeting, working together, and fighting for their right to live.

It’s also about the growth of Tech from a defective commando in a massive army to becoming a leader amongst his chosen people, the Belters of The Expanse. 

Besides, I do not like most of the formats in which Tech is presented with kids when it is written–he’s often seen as bumbling, cold, or irritated, none of which is flattering, or, to be perfectly candid, canon (The man can handle himself in battles and facing monsters, but not a whining kid? Come on now, his brother is Wrecker). I think it paints an unflattering picture of how neurodiverse people are interpreted as parents, and I find that both ableist and, quite frankly, ignorant. 

I say this, again, as a neurodiverse mother of two neurotypical girls, both of whom are bright, happy, loved children. 

So, let’s dive in. 

How to Successfully Parent as a Neurodiverse Individual:

- Support: Teamwork makes the dream work. This is one of the biggest things in successfully raising children, and one I hope you’ve gathered from both the story above and in Far Past the Ring. But it especially rings true for the ND parent, who might be exhausted socially and psychologically from being ‘on’ with a small child, constantly. 

I myself have struggled with this, as my daughters love their mama, and often climb, grab, yell, and scream, even when it makes me anxious and worked up (being touched out is AWFUL, let me tell you).

But having other outlets of affection and support for children helps an ND parent. Knowing that they had other people to help them makes me a better parent, and my daughters are confident in knowing that so many in this world love them. 

One especially cruel comment screamed at Tech by his daughter’s aunt in Far Past the Ring is that he is ‘not wanted, nor needed’. While this is tragic that Tanke Drummer said this to him (and has extreme ramifications throughout the story), she was not entirely incorrect. 

Omega 'Meg' Drummer, Tech’s daughter, was currently being raised by not only her mother, but also by two aunts, an uncle, and older cousins that were always there to take care of her in a massive family compound. She was also being raised in a culture that is very community oriented: a necessity for Belters to survive in a dangerous environment such as space. 

Hence why Sjael Drummer, Meg’s mother, is not especially angry or resentful when she sees Tech again. She’s had help and support, no questions asked, in raising their little girl. As she says in Into the Techiverse, Tech is a piece of the puzzle that fits in perfectly when he does arrive. 

The story would be much, much different if it was just Tech and his child’s other parent doing it alone. There would be a lot more stress, anxiety, and anger, no doubt.

But they are not, and that makes the difference.

Because of the communal nature of the Belters, not unlike those of the clones, and the large network of friends and family that live and work together on Medina Station, Tech and Sjael are not overwhelmed or stressed with their daughter. Additionally, Tech came into the picture when Meg was a toddler, not as an infant, so things are bound to be different. 

Later, when Tech becomes more entrenched within the Drummer family, when he’s worn out, there’s other family members to help, the man doesn’t even need to ask. Homeboy won the support lottery, per se. Speaking of which…

- Communication: It was mentioned in previous author’s notes, but being able to effectively talk to your parenting partner is even more crucial than your romantic partner, simply because you have other lives depending on you. In the case of my vacation example, my friends and husband are all massive talkers with no filters. 

Passive aggressive hints that my ND self would have missed–well, that just didn’t happen! When someone was exhausted, needed a break, or needed to do something (cook, clean, etc), it was either verbally stated or texted, and quickly adhered to. 

Tech, luckily, managed to knock up a Belter. The Belter culture of The Expanse is not only community oriented, but their communication style is very forward and blunt. Passive-aggressive, subtle behaviors are a waste of time to them. If something is needed by another person, it is stated quickly and without issue.

After all, Belters are people who spend their entire lives in space. As a result, things must happen efficiently, or terrible occurrences can happen. Not only that, but Sjael Drummer lives with her extended family, where everyone is either talking or communicating via text or message on their comms devices, a necessity for space living and survival that is a common part of Belter life. 

If our neurodivergent prince needs help, he can easily blurt it out and be helped, no judgment at all. And having that takes a massive load off of your back as a parent, especially if you are ND. 

- Have A Retreat: Admittingly, living in a house with tons of other people can be hell for the ND individual. I struggled with that as a kid in a massive Catholic family, but luckily, had a retreat for myself when I was overstimulated via my bedroom. Thus, I’ve learned, having a recharge station (like an office or a bedroom) is necessary for a successful ND parent. Currently, I have my office/studio in my home. 

As for Tech, he starts off with Sjael’s room, followed by other spaces as the story unfolds, such as spots on the Rocinante and the massive apartment that Clone Force 99 moves into at the very end of Far Past the Ring. Keep an eye out.

Additionally, he’s never overstimulated by his child, thanks to the supportive network he has. This stems from both from his brothers and his daughter’s extended family, going right back to the communal nature of The Belt.

I say all of this not only as a parent and an ND individual, but as a friend of many on the spectrum as well. I’ve seen some really struggle, and it’s usually due to one of the mentioned things above not being met properly. Where the ND parent is anxious from overstimulation, overwork, or just feeling too much, having help, communication, and an outlet makes them a successful parent.

Actually, I think it would help all of us as parents, now that I think about it.

[hey-loser]

TLDR: SRB Zoom Chat

In case you missed it, Sarah did a webinar on Zoom a couple weeks ago hosted by The Sunday Morning Transport to answer questions about Tears Waiting to be Diamonds. You can get a 60-day free subscription to access both the story and the Zoom over on Sarah’s tumblr, but for those who are unable to access for any reason, I received a request to provide a little recap, so here goes! Tried to make it somewhat organized but also it is going to be a little chaotic haha. 

New IOL Deets

The scene of Luke and Elliot getting together and confessing their feelings was almost only ONE SENTENCE LONG. Many thanks on behalf of the fandom to the anonymous critique partner of Sarah’s who told her that absolutely wouldn’t fly.

Elliot and Luke Post-IOL

Sarah says that Elliot doesn’t go over the border much, even though he is able to. Luke is afraid of Elliot going somewhere where he can’t follow, and even though Elliot doesn’t even think of it as a possibility, he tries to be respectful of it.

Pet names: Elliot sometimes will take classics and make them weird (like he does at the end of IOL). Luke will occasionally embarrassedly call Elliot “darling”.

Luke has fairly regular contact with the harpies. Elliot tends to spearhead their contact in terms of keeping up correspondence - he knows relatives even Luke doesn’t, and they often attend harpy festivals. According to Sarah, it’s a classic case of the in-law being the favorite kid. She jokes that he could have just gone to the harpies and lived with them when he was exiled, and they would have gladly taken him in.

WHY SARAH

TWTBD Parts 1 & 2 were initially meant to be published on consecutive Sundays. SARAH SUGGESTED THAT THERE BE A LONGER WAIT IN BETWEEN.

Why Elliot do that?

Even though Elliot has made some progress with his insecurities, he still thinks that Luke doesn’t truly know the worst that he can do, and just puts up with him. Over the years, they have worked through smaller issues, so he’s learned that he can be forgiven for these things (while before that he considered himself completely unloveable). Once he’s committed treason, he thinks that is the worst possible thing, something completely antithetical to Luke’s value system as a soldier, so he considers it inevitable that their relationship is over.

Sarah likened it to “the mortifying ordeal of being known” –  Elliot never holds himself back from being completely known, because then he can be loved for who he is. But Elliot doesn’t think that Luke knows the worst he can be (even though Luke obviously does and accepts him for it).

Luke’s Letters

Luke starts with angry letters, then more worried, then back and forth between the two. Some of the letters Luke sends to Elliot are well thought out and composed (probably because Serene helped him), while others are basically drunk late night texts that he has to admit to Serene later with shame (side note from me: anyone wanna write the fic that comprises all his letters? or am I gonna have to do that myself). 

Luke doesn’t even consider them broken up in the first place and was entirely unsurprised to hear what Elliot had done when he returned, while Elliot dramatically thinks they’ve been broken up for months. He doesn’t want to hurt himself by looking at the letters when he thinks he knows that they will say.

The meantime:

It had been a month since Elliot was exiled by the time Luke and Serene returned from war. By the time Luke arrives it has been almost four months. A lot of that time was spent figuring out what thad happened, possibly variously threatening people who had been planning on executing Elliot.

“A lot of Elliot’s diplomacy relies on the fact that there are people who will enact violence for him”

Peace is not a stable thing, and there isn’t an easy answer for it. As they get older, it becomes more difficult, since adults are held more accountable for their actions than children.

Serene and Luke actually were trying to figure out the diplomatic way to solve the situation: i.e., sending letters to form a plan once communication was initiated.  After getting no response, they tried to get him pardoned, which was difficult considering someone apparently has a transcript of a long speech Elliot gave that essentially said “I did it and I’m not sorry”. 

Luke and Serene would sometimes spontaneously decide they were going to go find him alone, and the other would talk them down from it, or they’d decide to go together, and Golden would convince them to wait.

Where’s Serene?

The story was unfortunately too long to include Serene, or even the few references to her that were initially included (such as Mark mentioning a rumor of the Sunborn Champion being involved with her).

Logistically Sarah couldn’t get Serene to the battle, since Luke would have flown to get to Elliot as fast as possible. She says that Serene definitely arrives within the day.

What happens after TWTBD?

Luke and Elliot have to have several conversations, starting with a yelling conversation, a tender conversation, and then the normal combination of yelling/tender/insults. 

“If Elliot says loser, Luke knows that he’s okay and so pretty much the first words that Elliot said to Luke in the battlefield were reassuring because when he says loser, he means I still love you, which is what Luke was getting worried about.”

Elliot puts himself in tall towers and high places specifically so Luke can find him.

Sarah specifically quotes “This Ain’t a Love Song” by scouting for girls: “I know I’m lost, but I’m waiting to be found”.

More IOL

Sarah has said this before, but just in case anyone has missed it: she definitely has ideas of what happens to the characters in the future. She has said she has a strong story idea which would also need another novel in between to explain the middle events – so essentially a trilogy. TWTBD would take place in between these second and third books – the second would explain the events up to TWTBD, and the third would continue on from there. To be clear, Sarah has not confirmed whether this is actually in the works yet, or whether these would take full-length novel form or short story form.

On Trans and Nonbinary Individuals in IOL (specifically in elven culture):

Sarah says there would be some more freedoms for nonbinary/trans elves or dwarves than in human culture, but they would be restricted in other ways.

Sarah acknowledges that the IOL universe has been represented in a more binary way thus far; she plans to delve more into gender beyond the binary in the future after taking time to get the details and complexity right.

Long Live Evil Information

Sarah’s new upcoming novel! The protagonist is thrown into her favorite fantasy novel, but is unexpectedly classified as an evil sorceress and cast out with the rest of the villains. From how Sarah talks about it, the novel delves into villainy in fiction and what truly makes a villain. It also explores the joy of finding magic even if you think you’ve reached the stage of your life where you’re past it. (I AM SO EXCITED)

Hopefully this was somewhat coherent! 

[viperwhispered]

I'm sorry this has been brewing in my head for a while and I need to share it with someone: Jamil and Kalim teaming up to topple to classist society of the scalding sands.

Post-OB Jamil and Kalim actually reconciling and having some character development. Kalim breaking down realizing that his coping mechanism of obliviousness did more harm than good. Jamil actually missing his friend. Both realizing that the problem isn't just their own flaws, but the adults around them. Jamil working on letting himself go while Kalim works to become more independant (he clearly has the skill + learning capacity, he's just been so babied he never learnt). Also, adorable scenario where Kalim and Malleus become besties over their shared quest for independence. Based on this, this, this, and this.

Kalim and Jamil's relationship becoming more genuine. Honestly, I believe that Kalim will end up sooooo sassy cause of Jamil's infleunce. Jamil using his sharp tongue and Kalim trying to do comebacks. Jamil just responds by giving a rating out of 10. Jamil finally getting the personal time he so desperately needed while Kalim slowly learns to genuinely trust others with his problems. Kalim finally letting himself get genuinely angry at his parents for how they managed to ruin both his and Jamil's lives by trapping them in a codependant cycle.

Kalim getting into his first fist fight with some classist prick and Jamil's response is asking if he won.

Kalim saying something very stupid and Jamil just giving a glare and it goes like this.

Third year rolls around and the two successfully schemed to give Jamil his rightful title of dorm leader without the nobles of the Scalding Sands rioting. I don't know how yet but I know it'll involve Kalim maxing out his "innocent puppy who just wants to do what's right" to indirectly shame his father for bribing Kalim's way into power. Nothing really changes much other than the fact that Scarabia is now running much more smoothly while still having the best parties. Based on this, this, and this.

They graduate and Kalim instantly gives Jamil the go ahead to be free. It all happens so fast that none has time to protest. Jamil spends a good two years traveling while Kalim does his best to learn the ropes as being head of the family. Based on this and this. Kalim successfully setting up a trade deal with Malleus and helping to open up Briar Valley to modernization. Jamil making a name for himself by taking part in multiple projects as he travels (archeological sites, restoration projects, reformation movements, etc).

The two reuniting when they're both called to work with Leona for his relief project in the slums of the savanna as part of his political reformation of the monarchy. Jamil helping to oragnize + plan the logistics while Kalim provides funding + trade opportunities. By the end of it, the slums have turned into a major tourist stop in the middle of a major trade route (sorry for the side quest, I have a thing for Leona keeping his promise to Ruggie).

Extra context: the position of grand vizier is traditionally given to relatives of the family head, like a brother or cousin. Ever since Jamil left, the position was taken by one of Kalim's distant relatives. This guy absolutely sucks at his job, is a classist ass, and clearly only had superficial training. Its clear he only got the title cause of his relation to Kalim and never expected to do much work. Kalim having to fix this guy's messes for years and being like "oh god is this what Jamil had to go through with me?".

Back to the story, Kalim spent years kneecaping the nobility with relative success and now has the ideal circumstances for an ideological revolution. But for this, he needs Jamil. So he invites Jamil, now famous worldwide for his sills & contributions, to come back for the fireworks festival. There, in front of all the major noble families (plus a few ex-classmates like Vil, Leona, Azul, and Malleus who're there for support), Kalim begins to berate his vizier and expose him for his incompetance and blunders, ultimately dismissing him. Then he turns to Jamil, gets on his knees, and begs that he take the position because he's the most competant person in the room. Jamil revels in the ego boost that is Kalim kneeling and agrees so long as he can negotiate his contract.

The two then go on a relentless campaign to topple the classist bullshit nobility and give equal rights to everybody.

Which brings me to the x reader romance scenarios (lets say thry discovered a way to travel to & from the reader's world):

Jamil marrying and taking his S/O's last name for an "official excuse" to give him his freedom. The Vipers may be endentured servants to the Asims but the L/Ns have no such obligation. During his travels, Jamil switching between staying in a shabby hotel and spending the night at his in-laws. His S/O being his rock and offering boundless support and patience. When Jamil finally gets the title of grand Vizier, he rejoices at the thought of finally spoiling his S/O like they deserve.

Kalim marrying an S/O who is both a sweetheart but also a maverick unafraid to do the dirty work. One who makes kneecaping the nobility a whole lot easier and puts an end to 90% of all assassination attempts. Kalim having absolute trust in his S/O and their methods. Kalim being relieved that any children they have will also go to school in his S/O's world where they'll be safe and able to live somewhat normal lives. Kalim being determined to reform society so their children can live without fear or hatred.

This took me a little while to get to since I wanted to give all of this a proper thought, but here we are.

Ngl, as a sucker for happy endings it is lovely thinking of how things could work out.

Honestly, just for Jamil and Kalim to open up more to each other would take quite a bit of work. I mean, years of habits to unlearn and years of baggage to navigate through. I really wish they would, though - and not just when one of them is overblotting. Plenty of learning for Kalim to figure out how to face the things he’s been shielded from, and for Jamil to express the things he’s been bottling up.

Oh but that thought of Kalim “sassing up” because of Jamil is so amusing tho. Him trying to emulate Jamil, which would just get Jamil even more frustrated - is Kalim even going to take this from him now? Or Jamil would just be amused at the attempt, one or the other. But if they could actually get more on the same wavelength about it, that could indeed make for some real fun scenarios.

As for Kalim’s parents… Yeah don’t even get me started on that one.

For Jamil becoming the housewarden… Yeah that first pic kinda sums it up, doesn’t it?

Which makes me wonder: how much does Jamil want the power, and how much does he just want the recognition? Now my memories of book 4 may be a little fuzzy at this point, but iirc the primary motivation was to eject Kalim - to get back the blissful solace of those first few months in NRC without Kalim there. So I do feel like just being allowed to "flourish" and show off his skills and capabilities would be some balm for the wounds in his soul, so to speak.

But also, considering Kalim was able to transfer schools just because of Jamil, pretty much, I’m sure if it’s up to him he’d be well able to give dorm leadership to Jamil without too much fuss. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got the position more because of a “only the best for my boy” attitude from his dad - or maybe it was supposed to be training for his future responsibilities as the head of the house.

In any case, I would assume the family wouldn’t be super upset if Kalim is the one deciding that actually, Jamil should lead. Like, it certainly goes over much smoother if Kalim instigates it and hands the position over, rather than Jamil rising up against him (because how could a servant possibly oppose his master, how dare). Tho it would certainly still raise some eyebrows, I’m sure.

(But like, while Kalim presumably has had to deal with his own brand of neglect / not so helpful upbringing, he still seems to be the sort of a golden boy who’s used to getting his whims, so.)

For Jamil being freed - to my understanding they would need to figure out a way to do it without it bringing shame / consequences to Jamil’s family (at least, based on how jp talked about these things). Like, Kalim would need to be “powerful” enough in his family to be able to shield / protect Jamil’s family from those consequences.

(As a sidenote, I do wonder how Jamil’s family would feel like being offered freedom from servitude / a different position. Are they under as intense pressure as Jamil, with their own roles? I mean, obviously it would be difficult for them to be let go without having a way to make ends meet, but I do wonder if they’re simply happy & proud of their positions or if they feel anything similar to what Jamil does.)

At some point I also made a post thinking that even if Kalim might not be able to dismiss Jamil outright (once they both come to an agreement about this being a thing they should do), maybe Kalim could still make up reasons to send Jamil out to travel. A halfway point to true freedom, and hey, at least Jamil would get to enjoy spending some Asim money for himself.

Ngl tho, I’m all for a bit of an upheaval of the social order in the Scalding Sands. Really don’t know how one could even go about making it happen - such change is slow, would paint an even bigger target on Kalim’s back, and would make for some very powerful enemies. Slow process more than a revolution.

Though, decent labor laws and prohibition for child labor sure would be a good start, considering what Jamil went through.

Jamil would absolutely get an ego boost from that situation indeed of Kalim asking for Jamil's help, but I do wonder if he really would want to tie himself to the Asims / Kalim again. Interesting to ponder just what would have to change for that to happen.

But the allure of power might indeed be enough. Now, how interested Jamil would be to effect change at large, and how much he's concerned about his own personal position... I mean, we've seen him very willing to use others, and his experiences (for a reason) have left him in a mindset that probably means seeing power equaling freedom and also as viewing the world as haves and have-nots. So he'd definitely need to start having more concern for others (and not just the people he cares about, like his family) to really be genuinely interested and helpful to the cause.

I’ve never really considered / seen a concept of the twst guys living in a different world than their s/o but still regularly traveling to see each other, that’s interesting 👀 I do love the idea of Kalim with a fierce protective s/o tho.

Ngl, there was a lot to chew over here, but interesting thoughts about the potential futures. I also have to admit that I’ve put much less thought into understanding Kalim than I’ve put to Jamil, so I’m very much open to rebuttals about any of my interpretations about him.

It really is a shame that so far, books 5 and 6 only gave us glimpses of change with these two. Like Jamil being a little bit more willing to let Kalim actually do things or help. I know, I know, it can't possibly happen overnight, but pls, give us something to see if and how things are changing - or if we're just stuck in a new, precarious status quo.

Also I don't know if you've been making posts in your blog developing these ideas but like you definitely should, if you've got this much of a concept. I'm sure others would be interested too.

ETA: forgot to say, but I think for societal change, Kalim certainly would have the funds for lobbying and charitable work. And he does have his own kind of charisma to keep that sort of stuff together, too.

Also for the kids with our world s/o... That certainly would make inheritance and things interesting in the future. Sure, if Kalim has his as you outlined, there would not be so much of a position as the family head to inherit, but still.

Not to even mention the whole literally growing up between two different worlds.

[sapphire-weapon]

A little outsider's rant to the EagleOne fandom... particularly you younger fans.

Y'all are really getting upset about your ship because Leon and Ashley possibly never being shown together again? After all that wonderful material you got in re4 remake? Guys, most ship survive on crumbs... and y'all had a pretty decent meal there!

Like!! At least she's fucking alive! Look at how strong Serrenedy is... and Luis is fucking dead! Doesn't stop them from writing a ton of fix it fics and AUs and what if scenarios.

You guys aren't Aeon! You don't need the fucking "kiss make canon and valid" mentality. YOUR SHIP IS FUCKING VALID AND GOOD!

"But... I wanna see them together..."

WRITE THE FIC THEN! DRAW THE FANART! MAKE THE EDITS!

"Oh, but I'm not very creative."

SHUT UP AND DO IT ANYWAY!

Flood the world with it! Show everyone what the ship means to you! You'll get better at it the more you practice!

And you know what? Maybe Leon and Ashley don't ever see each other again in canon... but maybe some of you get real good at writing and maybe someday, more original stories starring characters with their archetypes start showing up... and being together. All because y'all knew a good thing when you saw it.

So don't roll over and die so damn soon. Yes it fucking sucks possibly not seeing Ashley in the games again.

So keep her alive and present outside of them.

you know @godtier and i were actually talking about this earlier today, and it's this whole thing that's like

kind of like what leon is going through in my fic, where he thinks that it's worse to have had it and lost it, because he now knows how good it was for him and how good it made him feel and that he can't have it anymore -- so now, he wishes he'd never had it at all, because then he wouldn't have to mourn it.

like, serennedy fandom operates under no illusions. they know exactly how that connection started, progressed, and ended. same thing with metaltango fandom. and, being slash ships, they never expect to become canon anyway, because that's unfortunately not the world that we currently live in.

and then you have something like jilleon fandom, who never anticipates their ship becoming canon, so there's no reason for them to get super invested in how the canon portrays them, because the heart of that fandom has always been fanfiction to begin with.

but with eagleone fandom, it's like...

people feel like something is being taken away from them. especially the eagleone people who came into RE through RE4make. because they did have it. for that one game, they had this ship that meant so much to them and was clearly written to be taken as romantic...

... and then to learn, no actually, you don't get to have that?

that sucks. it feels like a breakup.

like, there's a big difference between old guard like me, who looks at it as: "holy fuck i can't believe we actually got this, are you kidding me????" because i understand just how shocking and unexpected it is, considering how the rest of the series goes -- and new fans who are going "wait, what do you mean she gets written out of the series?"

i went into RE4make already knowing that leon's character progresses into the future without ashley. and so i'm just delighted that they got to have what they had for the time that they had it.

new fans are coming in and seeing a canon romance and not understanding why someone would say that it won't be followed through with, because that runs antithetical to their personal experiences with the game.

and that's why i don't fucking feud with aeon fandom, man. i mean, other than the fact that i'm a 34 year old adult who has better things to do with my time than argue with teenagers about fictional relationships.

they're dicks, but i feel bad for them, because they're going through a breakup, too. and theirs is way harder than eagleone's is because the relationship lasted a lot longer. they've had this for so long, but now it's like "fuck you, pack your shit, we're over."

now, with that all being said

there's no excuse for either side of this to be fucking toxic the way that they've been, either. i get that you're disappointed and you need some time to mourn and it feels even shittier to have someone from the other team go "YOU NEVER ACTUALLY HAD THAT THING YOU'RE MOURNING IN THE FIRST PLACE" but like

basically just this

[palesweetscherryblossom]

Also like little question. If Overhaul will be thing, you get me right?, then will he live alone or might he be with also a partner or just be the leader of the Shie Hassaika (idk how to wrote Hasaika?) And if he doesn't live alone will there be a chance of Chronohaul happening? Totally understand if not.

Completely other idea, maybe Eri can exist too as a "hatchling" of Overhaul. But she was either stolen from a bad home, was homeless or like already manipulated and therefore she is a good hatchling. And when Tomura and Dabi see that they may feel quite jealous about that fact that all their hatchling does it hate them, crying and fighting back. And they may use it to guilt trip the reader since they can't be such a good hatchling or Overhaul may use it to get them to agree to the rebirth of their hatchling via the lake/well/manipulation ect. And if that manipulation like works and the child is a good hatchling and Tomura and Toya are so damn happy that their squeaker loves them back like time passes. Maybe like 10 years or something. And their memories slowly come back. Because Kai didn't know that the rebirth/manipulation needs to be done every like 10 Years. And so they remember, right? First they become more distant or cautious of their parents and that behavior of course strikes them as weird. But every time they talk the now adult child turn hostile to the situation and completely closes up and denies everything. And maybe at done point they know like everything again. And are scared, but they try to act cool since the Nagas still think the child is manipulated. And so like since the child is an adult they can go hunting on their own. But then one day they meet Izuku again. And long story short through whatever mechanism. For example Izuku following them secretly back to the nest. The now very adult man murks Tomura and Dabi. But like when he does the Nagas don't recognize him fully and like they still think of readsr as a hatchling and so they protect them with everything. And die or are deadly harmed and passed out from blood loss/exhaustion protecting what they loved most. And when the reader it taken back by Izuku there is a whole latter of guilt trip. Cause on one hand they loved their parents over the last 10 years but now "they" have killed them. And they can't feel really ay home with Iilu cause of that guilt and them blaming themselves cause one just cannot simply throw 10 years of a great family relationship away like nothing had happened. And so they don't feel good, not at all. It is not what they wanted. The guilt eating them alive day and night. All the sleepless night thinking about if things would have been different. Maybe if they never remember maybe if Izulu just took them with him and ram away as far as possible. They feel alone in their bed....and cold....lonely.

Dawg, I’m fucking sobbing like holy shit.

If Reader did stay and grow up with Shigadabi and Izuku did kill them, Reader would feel utterly guilty about it. They’d probably end up killing Izuku and running back to the forest, or just letting their grief consume them to the point of numbness.

The reason why Overhaul has beef with Shigaraki is because Shiggy ratted Overhaul’s nest out. (A group of snakes is called a nest I think.) Shiggy did so by guiding a hunter to Overhaul’s nest and essentially framing the dude for stealing livestock.

Cause Nagas can be friendly and sometimes even guide humans, Shiggy only was revealed as the culprit after he was caught stealing a sheep. Overhaul was just vibing with his group till he lost his entire group and family.

Shigaraki only fucked his shit up further after Overhaul sought revenge for his group’s death, only for Shigaraki to brutally tears his tail and arms really badly.

Kai has to rely upon hypnotism and his venom to catch his meals, that’s how bad Shigaraki ruined him.

Saving Reader and keeping their location secret from Shigadabi is essentially his fuck you to them.

“You took something from me and I take something from you” kinda deal.

Eri was Kai’s adopted child as he was a decent parent in this AU, he was devoted to his mate and nest. Loosing them all utterly destroyed him.

[cctinsleybaxter]

2023 in Books

I need to stop bragging that I’ve got this reading thing all figured out, because man if 2023 wasn’t a year of terrible books. I liked less than half of the 37 I read and nothing quite gripped me in the way it has in years past… but to put it more optimistically I liked a full third of what I read, and the ones I liked best were a fascinating and unexpected silver lining. Without further ado:

Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand, trans. Brian Hooker

Tell this all to the world- and then to me. Say very softly that… she loves you not.

I read a couple of plays this year for the first time since college and liked them fine, but there’s a reason this has been adapted five million times. Everyone go watch Megamind right now.

Wylding Hall by Elizabeth Hand

Of all the found footage-inspired horror fiction I’ve read this one makes the best case for existing in its chosen medium, as a 70s UK folk rock band are interviewed about the summer they spent recording what would become their final album [thunder crashes.] It reminded me of a Tana French mystery in its language and ability to make space feel lived-in; the character writing is so strong I realized that at some point I had stopped checking the interview headings to know who was speaking. Hand unfortunately distrusts her audience to read between the lines at a few crucial moments (and ruins what would have been a perfect ending and a deeply affecting scare by gilding the lily, or, in this case, photograph), but I love that she went from seemingly by-the-numbers American YA fiction to a meticulously-researched and truly unique horror novella. Puts other writers working in the genre to shame.

A Kiss Before Dying by Ira Levin

Reminiscent of the best kind of TCM suspense thriller (and was adapted into one), but could only exist as a book for the kind of narrative tactics it employs. Levin is brilliant at setting and character; I think any one of his contemporaries would have leaned into archetypes for this sort of story, and he instead distinguishes his proper nouns in subtle, clever ways that lend them the weight a noir needs. Can’t wait to read more of his stuff!

All the Names They Used for God by Anjali Sachdeva

I’d like to know why this anthology got hit with what a friend has termed a pottery barn throw pillow cover + a ‘the tiny things we know to be small’ title, because the eponymous story isn’t even called that! It’s just The Names They Used for God, and is, appropriately, about two women kidnapped by a religious extremist group. High risk-high reward; I think taken at their base premise the stories could have been insufferable and are instead strange, compelling, and fantastical. There’s a methodicalness and, I don't know, lack of whimsy? to them that’s unusual for fantasy, but also an absence of any one goal or moral in the way Le Guin speaks so highly of. It made me feel the way I did reading and adoring Kelly Link in middle school, and Sachdeva has a much different style that I guess works all the better on adults. My favorite was Robert Greenman and the Mermaid.

Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Lauren Hillenbrand

Someone recommended this to me via Tumblr anon over five years ago, so let me start by saying if that was you I’d like to thank you properly! This book rules! It was written in ‘99 so falls prey to a very specific kind of jingoism, but the mechanics of that are interesting in and of themself. Seabiscuit the animal is a lens through which to view turn-of-the-20th-century America written from the precipice of the 21st; his story told through the expertly-researched biographies of his owner, trainer, and jockey. Hillenbrand is not only a good pop nonfiction historian, but has been a sports writer since the 80s and I never imagined the genre could be so thrilling as I did reading her work. Horse racing is insane and no one should be riding these things btw.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

It was one of the great livery-stableman’s most masterly intuitions to have discovered that Americans want to get away from amusement even more quickly than they want to get to it.

Wharton came from old money New York*, was deeply disillusioned with it and pined for rational (i.e., even more insane) social and political scenes, had myriad thoughts about women and gender relations, and held a love for interior design. I learned all of this after reading but it’s apparent on every page; deeply funny and perceptive, fantastic use of language, the moments where it lost me completely nothing if not interesting. What sticks with me the most are a flair for the operatic and an ability to voice both the feeling and consequences of losing oneself to imagined scenarios. Read the pink parasol scene.

*Ancient Money New York; the saying ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ is apocryphally attributed to her father’s side of the family

Owls of the Eastern Ice: A Quest to Find and Save the World's Largest Owl by Jonathan S. Slaght

We’d return to our camp to huddle in the freezing tent and wait for our owls in silence, like suitors agonizing over a phone that never rings.

One of the better pieces of science writing I’ve read in a long time, as Slaght frames rural communities as a quintessential part of ecology rather than a barrier to it. His style is amiable and matter-of-fact (sometimes overly so; the amount of metric GIS directions, help), but he's super engaging and clearly holds just as much compassion for people and history as he does animals and natural landscapes. The Blakiston’s fish owls he’s studying are described as unreal, with hoots so low and quiet it sounds like someone has thrown them under a blanket. You can listen to them here.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

Took my breath away and surprised me in a way a book hasn’t in years. I'd read Clarke’s 2004 novel when I was maybe fourteen and had vaguely positive but mostly neutral memories of it, and Piranesi being sci-fi-fantasy that came recommended by Tiktok had me very dubious. I ended up devouring it in the way I haven’t read books since I was fourteen; more of a mystery than the suspected high fantasy, with characters I would do disservice to in trying to describe in brief. While the mystery isn’t difficult to ‘solve’ (I’d argue the book also skews young!), the story ends in a way that’s both deeply unexpected and in the only way it could have.

Honorable mentions

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, trans. Peter Washington

[Jigsaw voice] Every man has a devouring passion in his heart as every fruit has its worm.

I spent so much time running my mouth about this one on Tumblr there’s really not much left to say. I think it’s a work of genius that was physically exhausting to read, and I’m sticking it with the honorable mentions mostly because I remember The Three Musketeers being the better book. If you want to read Dumas- and you should- start with that one.

Jonny Appleseed by Joshua Whitehead

I would’ve liked this more had I read it in my late teens/early 20s, but I still think it’s pretty good and would absolutely recommend to anyone in that age bracket. Things that normally annoy me about philosophical first-person lit fic didn’t matter under the weight of Jon’s narratorial voice. He reminded me a little of Lynda Barry’s Maybonne in his understanding and depictions of community and family; his stream of consciousness letting contradictions sit rather than trying to explain them away (Whitehead also makes sex very prosaic and pretty-sounding while still being frank and gross about it, which is a rare talent!)

The Seeds of Life: From Aristotle to da Vinci, from Sharks' Teeth to Frogs' Pants, the Long and Strange Quest to Discover Where Babies Come From by Edward Dolnik

This one fell in the rankings because the writing isn’t my favorite (think early days Vulture article rather than NYT), but I cannot stop referencing it in conversation. I want to read the whole thing to people and make them understand how truly unfathomable it is not only that every one of us is the product of 1 sperm and 1 egg, but that anyone ever figured out how that process works. When Western Europeans first started using microscopes they studied water; there were gross little bugs in there to watch and enjoy, so when semen was revealed to have its own bugs no one was shocked, but they also weren’t impressed. We would not see one enter an egg until EIGHTEEN SEVENTY-FIVE.  

Killer Dolphin by Ngaio Marsh

The Malaise of First Night Nerves had gripped Peregrine, not tragically and aesthetically by the throat but, as is its habit, shamefully in the guts.

Has made it into my top 5 favorite Inspector Alleyn mysteries. I’m not keen on Marsh’s theater settings (and there are a LOT of them), but a convoluted setup made this one all the more rewarding. The final revelation as to a point of blackmail is visceral and bizarre in a way I haven’t seen from her before.

The Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon

We all have dirty hands; we are all soiling them in the swamps of our country and in the terrifying emptiness of our brains. Every onlooker is either a coward or a traitor.

Best read in conversation with other writers, I wouldn’t recommend Fanon as the end-all-be-all introduction to communist and socialist thinking (the fact that he inadvertently describes what was going wrong with the USSR at time of writing is fascinating), but he explicitly invites that conversation and the value and impact of his work really can’t be overstated. Our points of disagreement tend to be in regard to nationalism, not his condonation of violence.

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Fascinating to see how Austen was thinking about relationships near the end of her short life. I laughed to see the idea of preferring your brother-in-law’s family to your own was back in full force from my own favorite Emma, as well as an eleventh-hour ‘maybe I should ship the villains??’ My biggest issue is that, like Emma, Persuasion is written in third person limited narration, but Anne is fundamentally Good™ so doesn’t need to learn anything about herself or the world; critic Bob Irvine points out that she and her dashing, misogynistic sailor are beset rather than changed by it. That said I love a people being beset by people (concussed temptresses) places (Bath) and things (cars), and Austen's writing style is really firing on all cylinders here.

[isekai-crow]

Cherry Magic Ep 3

I thought we were gonna get the partner for Masato in episode 3, but we got him in episode 4. INSTEAD HOWEVER, in episode 3 we got some other fun characters!!

ONE OF THEM BEING VOICED BY FUCKING YUUSUKE SHIRAI!!!!

Was not expecting his high pitched whiney voice to appear OUT OF A CHARACTER LIKE THIS but also I really SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED. HE'S A STAPLE IN BL ANIME AND AUDIO DRAMAS. High pitched whiney is a compliment by the way because its CUTE and made Capybara have conniptions while listening cause this is his favorite VA, and also DAMN THIS DUDE HAS RANGE.

GO listen to the character Ramuda's voice from HypMic and you'll see what I'm talking about. His other characters are friggen Sasaki from Sasaki and Miyano, Nikaido from Idolish7, Usui Masumi from A3!, and basically this man can SING and has RANGE and is bread and butter in the anime idol boy world.

So yea, Shirai, Yuusuke plays the annoying kouhai Yuuta Rokkaku, whose only purpose is to make Kurosawa jealous of Adachi spending time with someone and make Adachi jealous of Kurosawa's 'perfection' when Kurosawa starts showing off trying to get his attention away from Rokkaku. I also hope he becomes a Shipper On Deck with the other new character, Nozomi Fujisaki!

Koshimizu, Ami is the voice of Fujisaki sempai, who is so far just a stereotypical Japanese office lady, but having seen her in the opening we know that she is the CAPTAIN of this Ship, All Hands On Deck, and has fucking Acrylic Stands of these two that she's absolutely gonna make kiss like barbie dolls.

She also voices fricken Ryuuko fro Kill La Kill, Kallen Stadtfield from Code Geass, Sailor Jupiter from Sailer Moon Crystal, and a TON of other big name female characters!! Delightful.

LMAO if this isn't the first thing that pops up in episode 3!! I'VE TAKEN THIS MEDICINE BEFORE. It's OTC anti-hangover meds THAT FUCKING WORK. They're also really good for dealing with certain IBS symptoms. OTC Meds in Japan are Great. (*w*)b

Episode 3 is the Karaoke Episode, standard Japanese business life going drinking with your superiors to "improve moral" (This shit sucks, and I only had to deal with it the first 3 years I lived here. Bosses don't know what boundaries are, don't even know the word).

There's tons of funny faces. This episode was having so much fun.

Poor Kurosawa fails at impressing his love interest with Karaoke cause the man is too upset by how perfect he is. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING. I'm waiting for the moment when that perfection is peeled back to show the person underneath.

Adachi tries to rescue his female co-worker whose being catcalled / harrased by drunk dudes not even from their company, only to get rescued himself.

Fujisaki is all of us. She knows EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON. Even if Adachi doesn't lmao. She doesn't need to read minds. She's got Fujoshi-Senses.

Adachi is also not subtle at ALL ABOUT TOUCHING?????? But he's also NEVER successful???????? MY BOY. THINK. USE THAT SINGULAR BRAIN CELL TO FIND A BETTER WAY.

I guess Adachi like Rokkoku enough to go to a Sauna with him? And Kurosawa is of course tags along because he gets to see Adachi naked.

This is also SUCH a Japanese thing. Someone's hobby is always something boring like "listening to music" or "watching movies" or "drinking socially" which aren't REAL hobbies, OR IT'S WEIRD RANDOM STUFF LIKE GOING TO A SAUNA.

OH LOOK HIS NIPPLES ARE GROWN IN. (This is a running joke between me and Capybara about whether a character is an adult or not)

Bless this poor simping man. Some day. Just you wait.

STEAM CONDUCTS THOUGHTS!!!!! Poor Adachi clutching his towel and running like the fair maiden heart he is after seeing all of Kuroswa's fantasies.

So capybara and my theory is that it's BODY heat that transfers the thoughts, otherwise it wouldn't work through clothing. (What happens if we get an Adachi or Kurosawa with hypothermia? Sick Fic anyone?)

But also this is the kind of stuff I feel bad for Kurosawa about. He's allowed to have fantasies damnit! They shouldn't be held against him! Unless he does something to Adachi that he doesn't want or consent to LET THE MAN LIVE DAMNIT.

But also poor Adachi for having to experience that anyways haha.

We get a rare moment here of hearing Kurosawa's inner thoughts (mostly self pity about the situation his heart has gotten him into), and it's NOT filtered through Adachi for once! So it humanizes him a bit more (not that he wasn't human before? But like people idolize him rather than villanize him... I don't know the word I'm looking for... endears us to him?) and we get to see his thoughts on the situation, the damage that's been done from being basically a "Gifted Kid" in more ways than one, fucking SA'd by a CEO Lady and also WHY he likes Adachi and damn, it took someone seeing him as something less then Ken Doll Perfect for once in his life to fall for someone of the same sex. It's definitely more than that, but like. That's so story book sweet and a little sad type romantic. I love it.

It took one man giving him a Dom Face to awaken the Inner Sub in him, and his heart was stolen, lmao. (I think this might be Capybara projecting and wanting someone to look at HIM like that tho >w>) (im gonna get murdered for that)

I hope they continue to play with tropes and don't follow the standard "One of these MALE characters is just a stand in for a FEMALE, so one is the seme/top and one is the uke/bottom and they NEVER switch."

God I hope they switch. And/Or Adachi makes the first real move. Or like, Pins / Kabe-Don's Kurosawa to the wall. That would make me so happy.

CAREFUL ADACHI. HE'S ON TO YOU. HE'S STARTING TO SUSPECT YOU'RE USING WITCH CRAFT ON HIM.

also AHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE. Kurosawa is adorable and so in love and so worried, and it's fairly realistic! I can't wait for more.

[latelyanobsession]

The thing I love most about Harringrove as a ship is how real it actually feels to me.

You gotta follow me here for a sec.

My mom grew up in a rural town in Ohio. Even smaller than Hawkins would be... and one of the things she gripes most about that town is how all the classmates she had have never left. Their whole waking reality is that tiny place and everything in it. Where the rich popular kid at her high school was the daughter of someone who owned the local gas station. Where the poor kids lived on the edge of town and worked the farms all summer long for cash. Where most kids graduated to then take over their parent's professions as the town veterinarian, the doctor, the local political leader... Where a night out consisted of one movie theater, underaged drinking, and speeding down unpaved country roads. Where most kids just married one another straight after high school and started a family without question.

They never ever left. Everything was taken at face value.

And I feel like this plugs right into where Steve is at the beginning of season 2. Having Nancy read over his early application essay. He even says that it may just be better if he goes to work for his dad after high school... that having a provided job, insurance, 'all the adult things' wouldn't be so bad. Steve is getting tired of Hawkins but he has no clear idea of how to truly be rid of it. He's starting to accept it... That he may never leave Hawkins. It's just not possible for him.

Then Billy comes into the school lot, engine roaring. And for the first time Steve is seeing something. A way out of Hawkins. A potential new future outside of Indiana. Billy's presence shows Steve that there is a wider world outside of towing the line and meeting other's expectations, taking over his dad's insurance business, being a staple in a community that for the most part never changes. Billy is a big fish being thrust into a small pond.

With Billy, Steve sees possibilities. He doesn't have to 'raise hell for four years' only to 'talk about it for the next forty' (as my mother would say). High school will no longer be the only good thing Steve can look back on. He doesn't even need to look back. Everything lies ahead. Billy is a rush of fresh air to this stifling place that Steve increasingly feels trapped by.

Not too dissimilarly, Billy comes to Hawkins feeling trapped. It's a town where every house has an American flag, and the spiciest thing on any local menu is three-bean chili. It's lackluster, boring, stuffy, and not tolerant to change. Everyone who's ever come to Hawkins from the outside eventually becomes Hawkins head to toe. Billy doesn't want that. He hates that. He is not about to accept and adopt a sleepy country lifestyle. Full of rolling hills and quiet Sunday mornings. Family dinners and church potlucks. County fairs and sprawling farmsteads. It's ridiculous, borderlining on offensive that Billy should have to adhere to such things. He wants to maintain every inch of who he is without compromise. Live in the fast lane even if its a two-lane highway through Amish country. Take in the sun on bright summer days even if its poolside and not oceanside. Smoke and listen to metal with the volume blaring and the windows down even as others shake their heads in disapproval. Wear whatever he damn well pleases while others wear khakis and polos.

The bottom line is Billy was always too big for Hawkins and Steve has outgrown it.

They need each other to survive. To get out of Hawkins. To truly live the lives they are meant to.

[taomyou]

The Romance of Reimbursements - Chapter 5

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Status: COMPLETED Summary: There’s a guy you see every Friday on bus 143, and you think he’s pretty hot. It wouldn’t hurt to tell your best friend about him, would it? or, you and Levi take the same bus home from work every Friday, and you fall in love slowly, clumsily, and with all the time in the world to fold as many paper stars as your heart desires. Word Count: 4.9k Tags: slow burn, friends to lovers, modern au, office au, fluff, romance, meet-cute, matchmaking

(A/N: this fic is entirely available on ao3 here if you would like to read it there instead!)

Chapter Navigation Accompanying Playlist

Not taking the bus today?

"You guys looked so cute walking back to your place when I had you over that one time!"

"Why are you even bringing that up, Hange?" You groan, writing in your signature at the bottom of the receipt.

"It's the truth! Please, let me set you up!"

Over the past month, Hange's been relentless in trying to get you set up with Levi. Bringing you along when going out with their crew, making you sit next to him, playing up your achievements when he's around.

Maybe if you were in high school, this would've worked, but you're all adults. It's more embarrassing, if anything, for them to try their hand at matchmaking with you.

It was especially humiliating when you met Mike and Moblit, and Hange tried making you out to be some millionaire hotshot lawyer when introducing you to them. It's probably worse for Levi, though, who Hange gloats as the youngest professor in Sina University history and the most sought after architect in the city.

At least Hange has half the brain to at least not say anything that hinted at your initial attraction to him. You wouldn't ever be able to live down the fact that you finding him attractive was what got you invited to that very first dinner outing together in the first place.

You can't be completely against how they've gone about it, though.

All the forced interaction desensitized you just enough to where your face doesn't heat up in flames whenever Levi's around, and it's become easier to keep up conversation with him with all the new information you get from Hange. After you and him spent the evening with Hange and Erwin in that disaster of a kitchen 3 weeks ago, on Fridays, he'll save a seat for you, even when it's not crowded, and when it's quiet enough, you'll ask each other about how the workweek went.

Nothing personal, nothing deep. You don't talk about any bad clients or how bad your workload is, and you suspect he doesn't delve into anything substantial when he tells you about his week either, but it's enough to rekindle a bit of your enthusiasm at the end of the week.

Speaking of work, it actually never ended up getting any better.

The following Monday after you and the lot baked at Hange's apartment, Erwin called you into his office to tell you that you're pretty much doomed to become even more overworked than you already have been for the last 3 years because of some fuck-up in management. He said something about it being privy to the higher-ups, so he couldn't tell you exactly what was going on.

Erwin actually used the more HR-friendly phrase of "going through some change" when talking about it, but you know what he really means. You and him have taken to talking about how  work is going when you're waiting for the others in the group to arrive since the two of you are usually the first to get to the hangout spot, and he's dropped more than enough hints that he's dissatisfied with how work's going.

Admittedly, you've been doing a subpar job adjusting. You've taken to skipping your usual lunches with the interns, instead eating quickly and immediately going back to work while they eat in the breakroom, and you still had some trouble getting done for the day before you have to get home. Even when you do get home, there's other emails and whatnot to attend to, so you're not even free when you're out of the office.

Being a workaholic is definitely in the job description, but you'd been doing just fine before this sudden surge of work. Everyone else on the floor seems a bit more tense anyway, so it's not like you're alone in your struggle. Petra doesn't leave for lunch with Oluo anymore, Erwin doesn't come by to check on anyone, and the interns are running around all day to deliver papers. Still, the only rest you get at this point is over the weekend or when you're hanging out with your friends.

"Even if I did want you to get me a date, I wouldn't have the time."

Hange sighs in agreement. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But still! We need to get you out there!"

"And if I don't want to be out there?"

"Then I'll respect that, but I still think you and Levi would be great together!"

"Really? I never would've guessed. You've said no such thing before."

After the waitress comes to take your signed receipt, you tear paper strands out of the customer copy and fold them up before handing them to Hange. They wordlessly put them into their pocket, and the two of you leave a tip for the lunch you just had together and thank the waitress before you head out to your car. Hange pushes some buttons on your car tablet to connect their music, and you're off to drop them off for the day.

"Tell your intern 'happy birthday' for me!" Hange says, waving to you before getting out of your car. You sarcastically roll your eyes before waving back, rolling down the window so you can see them enter the building.

"I will, thank you! Have a good day at work!"

"And don't forget, we're having Valentine's dinner together! Just the two of us!"

Once you see that they've safely made it inside (and after they send you an exaggerated thumbs-up to let you know they're good to go into work), you shift your car into drive and drive yourself over to the grocery store on Rose.

In the back of your car is a huge cooler with a cake you baked for Mikasa and the rest of the floor last night. Erwin, bless his heart, somehow got management to give you the day off to prepare for Mikasa's surprise party today. Last November when it was Armin's birthday, he ended up getting sent to the courthouse to assist Petra with a hearing, so you and the rest of the floor staff couldn't arrange anything for him, but he insisted it was fine and a birthday party never happened.

Holidays like Christmas and New Years don't get celebrated at the firm totally not because divorce rates go up so much during the holidays and it's literally impossible to make time for any big parties, so birthdays end up being very special at the office. Maybe it's not a surprise since the interns have experienced a few birthdays already, but it's the thought that counts. Mikasa and the other two get off work at 6 today, so there's more than enough time for you to get everything you need and get back to the office.

You park your car as close as you can to the entrance and head inside, taking a cart as you pull your phone out of your pocket to check what you need to get. You haven't been here since you and Levi came to get those eggs for Hange a few weeks ago, so you're slow moving through the aisles, but you find everything you need in time and head over to the in-store bakery to get some candles.

There's more than enough cakes, cupcakes, what have you along the chilled shelves, and there's a good amount of numbered candles on the hangers, but you can't seem to find any '2's. Behind the counter, there's a girl in a baker's outfit, so you call out to her to get her help.

"Hi! I'm sorry, but do you have any more '2's? I can't find any here," you tell her, hand up in a wave.

She smiles at you and nods. "Yeah, I can check! Give me a second!" She heads to the back to where you assume is inventory, and when she comes back, she has an apologetic smile on her face. "Sorry, I don't think we have any more. If you picked out a cake already, I can write the number on it for you."

You wave at her again, this time to let her know it's alright. "Don't worry about it! And I have a cake already, but thank you for letting me know."

She nods, but before you can turn to leave to go pay for your items, she speaks up.

"Actually, do I know you? You look really familiar," she says.

You pause for a second, trying to remember. She's a bit young, so you don't think she's a former client, but you don't recognize her at all from anywhere else. "No, I don't think so."

Suddenly, her eyes light up and she brings her hands together. "Wait, I do know you! You're friends with Mikasa, right? She's posted pictures with you before!"

You smile at the mention of your intern-turned-friend. "Yeah, I work with her."

"Oh my god, are you here to get candles for her birthday?"

You nod. "We're hosting a surprise party at work for her."

"Wait right here then!" She rushes off to the back, and seconds later, returns with something. She puts it on the counter between you and pushes it towards you. It looks like one of those musical candles, but you didn't see any space for them on the racks earlier to know the store even carried them. "I keep one in the back in case someone needs it! They always sell out really fast, but the inventory people don't ever order enough!"

You beam at her and take it gratefully. This isn't quite what you were looking for, but it's really cute. Mikasa would definitely like this more than numbered candles, as corny as it is.

"Thank you! What's your name, so I can tell Mikasa who I ran into?"

She smiles pridefully at you.

"I'm Sasha, I went to university with her. I'm actually getting dinner with her and our other friends later!"

You nod at her, remembering the name for later. "It's nice meeting you then, Sasha! Thank you for the candle, I really appreciate it."

"No worries! What's your name?" You tell her, and she smiles even wider. "She talks about you a lot, too! Well, she calls you Astraea, but she said that's a nickname. Thanks for taking care of her at work!"

At that, you blush a bit and laugh nervously. "She talks about me?"

"Yeah! She says you're super nice!" Your face heats up even more, and you can feel your heart flutter.

"That's really sweet. I gotta get going, but make sure Mikasa has a good time out tonight for me, alright?"

At that, she stands up straighter and gets in a mock salute. "You got it!"

The two of you bid each other farewell, and you make sure to put back the '5' candle before you leave and go checkout. The cashier, noticing the candle, wishes you a happy birthday, but you tell him it's for someone else and he nods.

"Make sure they have a good one!" He tells you as he hands you the receipt.

"Thank you! Have a good day!"

As you're walking back to your car, you see the flower shop from that time Levi drove you to Hange's. You did think getting flowers would be nice, and you check the time on your phone; 3:02 PM.

Yeah, that's more than enough time to get something for her and make it back to the office. After putting everything you bought in the trunk of your car, you put the cart back before heading over to Magnolia Floral Company. The floral arrangements are much more red and pink than before, probably with Valentine's Day coming up soon, but it's quite cute.

Stepping in, you hear the bell from the door again and look around. There's nobody at the counter right now, but you do see the girl you saw last time helping someone at the far end of the store. What was her name again? Isabel? She hears the bell of the door and shouts a quick "welcome in!" to you before going back to the customer with her.

You nod to no one in particular and start walking around, looking through everything. You aren't quite sure what color flowers Mikasa would want, so you go to get your phone from your pocket to text Armin and ask. Surely, he wouldn't be able to guess what exactly you'd need her favorite color for. You send a quick text asking, and he gets back to you almost immediately with "red." Convenient enough, since it's almost Valentine's Day and the whole shop is covered in red roses, but all the bouquets have Valentine's motifs on them.

He also asks why you're not in the office, and you quickly reply with the lie that you're across town on company business. It's not really a lie when Mikasa's birthday is technically the company's business, though.

Before you can pocket your phone, however, you get a text from Levi. Weird. You've never exchanged messages since that first time you sat together, and you almost forgot you even had his number. Even with all the hanging out you do, you never found any need for it, only talking in-person.

Levi - 3:15 PM

Not taking the bus today?

It didn't slip your mind that it was Friday and that you'd be missing out on your ride back with Levi, but you didn't think he'd say anything about it. Before you can think of what to say in reply, Isabel comes up to you and you put your phone away as a courtesy to her.

"Hello! You're the woman Levi brought last time, right?" She asks, her hands politely in her apron pockets. You nod. A lot of people sure do recognize you today.

Well, not a lot, but two is more than enough.

"I'm Isabel! It's nice to meet you!" She smiles at you. Her energy is so contagious, you can't help but smile back. You tell her your name and greet her as well. You break eye contact with her to look at the flowers next to the both of you, and she joins you. "What're you looking for today? Something for Valentine's?"

You giggle good-naturedly at her and rub the back of your neck. "No, no, nothing like that. It's my intern's birthday today, and I'm looking for something for her."

She nods in understanding out of the corner of your eye. "Do you know what she'd like?"

"Her favorite color is red, but I think maybe something white too would be nice."

Isabel takes a quick look around the shop before laughing. "Well, nothing here is really suited for a birthday. I could make something for you at the counter, if you'd like?"

You sheepishly smile at her while putting your hands in a prayer position.

"If it's no trouble."

"Nonsense! I wouldn't've suggested it if I didn't want to."

The two of you head over to the workstation at the counter, but Isabel quickly makes the cash exchange with another customer before sending them off with their flowers. She heads into the backroom, and you're correct in assuming she's gathering flowers when she comes back with a bucket of white and red flowers and some greens. She pulls out a sheet of white tissue paper and sets it down before shifting through some of the flowers. You feel a bit awkward just watching her, but she thankfully strikes up conversation with you.

"So, how do you know Levi?" She asks, grabbing a couple of greens from the bucket.

"I'm friends with Hange, they introduced us."

At the mention of Hange, Isabel perks up. "I love Hange! I wish I could hang out with them more often, but I'm usually at school when they're available."

You hum, smiling. If she's anything like Hange, you'll definitely get along.

"What're you studying, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm a biology and environmental science double major, but I'm studying for the MCAT right now," she answers, now getting some red flowers.

"Sounds like tough work. I can't imagine working during undergrad while doing all that." You wince, and she laughs along.

"It's a nice break, for sure. My parents actually own this shop, so I just help out when I can."

"That's really nice of you." She quickly pulls away to take care of another customer's purchase, then just as quickly returns to where she was working on your bouquet. She struggles to grab a pair of shears that's across the counter from her, so you step over to get it and hand it to her. She smiles in appreciation, then cutting some of the stems of the flowers.

"What do you do for work? You came in dressed all fancy last time, are you a lawyer or something?"

You chuckle, covering your smile with your hand. "I am, actually."

She laughs along with you, putting down the shears.

"Guess that explains why you didn't need to ask me how much it'd cost for me to arrange this for you," she jokes, air-punching your shoulder from where she is. You feign getting hurt, clutching at your arm, and you let the smile overtake your face. You shake your head.

"I have money now, but student debt had me living off take-out for ages."

"It's okay, that'll be me when I go to grad school." You both laugh again, and she grabs some white flowers now.

Remembering that Hange told Levi to bring back the egg tarts for Isabel and someone else named Furlan, you decide to ask how they liked them.

"A bit random, but how'd you like the egg tarts Levi brought back a while ago?"

Isabel pauses before she looks up at you dreamily, her elbows now propped up and holding her face. "They were so good! Me and Furlan keep asking where he got them, but he wants to be all gatekeep-y and not tell us!" She pauses again, then stands up straighter and points at you with a comically accusatory finger. "You! You can tell me where he got them, right?"

You put your hands up in mock arrest. "If he wants to gatekeep, I can't do anything about it."

She rolls her eyes and goes to get some white flowers, fiddling around with both them and the red ones to figure out how to arrange the bouquet.

"Do you actually know where he got them, though? He won't budge. Some of them were really ugly, though, so maybe he got them from a bakery about to close?"

If Isabel is anything like Hange, you understand completely why he wouldn't want to say anything about it to save face the same way you need to when Hange pesters you, but there's no harm in telling her if she hasn't asked anything weird or invasive, right?

So you hum. "We made them at Hange's after you saw us leave last time. Well, more like I made them. His were the unsightly ones, I'm guessing."

Before Isabel can say anything, there's a ring at the door.

"Isabel, do you need a ride back toda-" You turn to see Levi, who's now stopped mid-sentence when you make eye contact.

You sheepishly wave from where you are. "Hey, Levi."

He pauses for a second before making his way over to where you and Isabel are.

"Nah, I'm good. I was gonna go to the movies after my shift's over," says Isabel. Levi nods, then turning to you. "Oh, yeah! You bastard, she told me you guys made the tarts! Why didn't you just tell me that? Me and Furlan have been looking all over Yelp to try and find them, and you just let us struggle!"

Levi rolls his eyes. "Because, if I told you, you'd force me to make them for you."

"Damn straight I would!" Isabel whines while grabbing some more floral accessories. "You don't even know how to bake! Is that why some of them were so ugly?" You laugh, looking away from the pair to hide your smile.

"Yeah, Levi, why were they so ugly?" You can't see him, but going by Isabel's laughter, he's probably deadpan staring at you.

"Good one!" Isabel finishes with your bouquet, and after wrapping it up, she tilts it up to show it to you. It's a masterful blend of whites and reds, and the greens are just the right amount to avoid evoking Christmas. "How do you like it?" You smile at her.

"It's perfect! Thank you so much!" She heads over to the register to start ringing you up, but Levi's still staring at you so you look over to him. Your ears feel a bit hot, even after all the forced time spent together. "Why didn't you tell them where they came from?" You ask gently.

He shrugs, leaning back onto the counter. "Didn't want to bother you for the recipe if they asked for more of them."

You bite the inside of your cheek at that. "It wouldn't be a bother."

"I don't think I could make them anyway. It was mostly you," he says. You roll your eyes halfheartedly.

"Don't sell yourself short," you reply. "I could make them again for Isabel and your other friend too, you know? I don't mind."

Isabel calls to you from the counter, and you smile at Levi before hurrying over to her. You hand Isabel your card, she swipes it, and you tuck the receipt into your pocket immediately over to avoid looking at the total. Pulling out your phone, you see that it's now 3:45 PM.

"I should be leaving now, but thank you so much, Isabel! I'll be sure to get some more tarts to you, and I'll text you," looking at Levi, "the recipe when I'm home, okay? Bye!"

When you're out the door, Levi turns to glare at Isabel. She looks back at him, eyebrow raised.

"What're you looking at me like that for?" Looking between him and the door, she smirks, crossing her arms across her chest. "You want me to tell you who those flowers are for, don't you?"

✰

"Erwin just went with her to one of the conference rooms! Hurry in!" Petra says into the line, then ending the call.

Just a few minutes ago, you had the receptionist call down Eren and Armin to the parking lot where you were parked in a client parking space to help bring in the cake, flowers, and all the miscellaneous party items. They're quite surprised to see you, thinking you were across town, but they're happy nonetheless and don't ask any questions when you force them to bring everything inside. You steal one of the luggage trolleys near the entrance and motion for them to come and put their things on it, and you all push it into the elevator when it gets down.

"So, this is what you were up to all day?" Eren asks.

You nod, smiling back at him.

"Isn't this a bit much? Mikasa just texted me asking if I think she's about to get fired," says Armin.

You look over at him and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's all in good fun. I also thought I was getting fired the first time it happened to me."

The elevator beeps once you're at the 8th floor, and you all rush out of there to start putting things in place. You shove a box of kazoos and party hats into Eren's arms and tell him to bring them to the breakroom where everyone's huddled up and waiting, and you and Armin carefully follow after him with the cooler the cake's in.

You wave hello to all your coworkers once you're inside, and after bringing in the rest of the things, you open the lid of the cooler to show everyone what's inside. They all "ooh" and "ahh," and you feel warmth in your chest at their compliments. It's quite big, so you need help from Eren, but you get it put out and put it on the table at the center of the room, and everyone's quickly setting out random things: plates, utensils, napkins. Thank goodness the breakroom is so big, and the thirty people on your floor are able to all fit.

You hear a knock at the door to let you know that Erwin and Mikasa are back, so you quickly peel open the packaging for the candle Sasha gave you and put it on the cake. Petra quickly lights it, and the candle starts playing the familiar birthday tune.

"Come in!" You shout. Erwin lets Mikasa open the door, and her jaw falls to the ground. Everyone moves out of the way so she can see the cake, and Erwin laughs from behind her. She doesn't say anything, but when you cue for everyone to start singing Happy Birthday, her smile doesn't fail to make you light up. You run up to her after you're all done singing with a party hat, and put it on her before she hugs you and slams her fists into your back, probably as payback for making her think she was getting fired.

"I hate you."

You laugh, hugging her back. "Yeah, love you too."

✰

Finally, after you've showered and gotten ready for the night, you flop onto your bed and sigh happily, letting yourself relax. The birthday party was a great bit of fun, everyone getting to have some cake and destress after the hard month's work. You haven't gotten to bake for a big event like this in a long time, so it was nice to be able to set aside time for that. You feel a beep from your phone, and you check to see that Mikasa sent you a selfie with her and Sasha giving the camera a thumbs-up.

They look happy. You smile at the photo and send them back a thumbs-up emoji and tell them to stay safe. Clicking back to the general conversation screen, you see Levi's text from earlier. Your smile falls a bit, disappointed in yourself for not replying earlier.

You - 8:56 PM

sorry i didn't get back to you earlier yeah, i had work off today to plan an intern's birthday party

You sluggishly get up from your bed and head into the kitchen to grab your recipe book, too lazy to try and remember the recipe for the egg tarts off the top of your head like last time. You take a quick picture of them and send it to him, careful to make sure everything was clear to read.

You - 9:03 PM

here's the recipe! sorry, my handwriting's kind of garbage

You don't actually think your handwriting is bad, but it's better to insult it before someone else does. You put the recipe book back into the drawer and yawn before stumbling back to bed and turn off your lights, staring at your phone at your conversation with Levi once you're settled in. You roll over when you see the three dots appear on the screen, now on your stomach to be a bit more comfortable.

Levi - 9:07 PM

No need to be sorry I was just worried you missed our bus

He was worried about you? You slam your phone screen-down on your bed before picking it up again to hold it to your chest. You roll onto your back, then back on your stomach, then kick your legs. You look at the text, and you feel a blush growing on your face. And he called it your bus?

Okay, to be fair, you've been hanging around each other a lot more, and it's the logical thing to think you'd be late for the bus when work's been kicking your ass. You take a few slow breaths, and your face cools itself down. Calm down, you don't even want to date him. Or even be with him. None of that. You hear another beep, so you pick up your phone.

Levi - 9:09 PM

And I'm a professor, do you think I can't handle some messy handwriting?

You - 9:10 PM

i said nothing of the sort! but is it really that messy?

Levi - 9:10 PM

I can read it just fine Thank you for sending it

You - 9:11 PM

yeah, of course! let me know if you need help with any of it

Levi - 9:12 PM

I definitely will need it

You - 9:13 PM

i can also make them for you guys i really don't mind

Levi - 9:13 PM

You barely have time to sleep

You chuckle, bringing your blanket higher up on your body.

You - 9:14 PM

and how do you know that?

Levi - 9:14 PM

You look more tired nowadays

You frown at that.

You - 9:14 PM

that noticeable?

Levi - 9:15  PM

Yeah, no offense

You yawn again, your head no longer propped up and instead on a comfy pillow. You can barely keep your eyes open, but you manage to send a reply before you fall asleep.

You - 9:16 PM

none taken i'm in bed so i'm gonna go to sleep

Levi - 9:16  PM

Sleep well then

You - 9:16 PM

you too!

You see three dots appear again, but they're gone by the time you get to closing your eyes. You stretch your arms out above your head, humming as your pull your blanket closer to you. Before you're fully asleep, you laugh to yourself at the realization that even without the bus, you managed to see Levi on yet another Friday.

✰

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