#but one thing I can’t do is physical affection with my family it’s so uncomfortable even when everything was all good

[kavehater]

Raisa telling me I’ll find “my one” but she forgets I already found him 😔

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Gorgeous

kai parker x reader (both 18+!) (shy!virgin!kai)

summary: troubled by his own body, kai's afraid to go all the way with you. that is, until you confess you love him regardless of the way he looks, giving him just the confidence he's needed all along.

tags: friends to lovers, kissing, minor fingering, shy!kai, mentions of child abuse / physical abuse [I can't just write a normal fic, can I?], implied s3lf h4rm, emotional hurt / comfort, confessions, making out, blow jobs, virgin!kai, top / bottom switching, reader is a little freaky, nipple sucking, pet names, aftercare, cuddling

word count: 5.5k

a/n: sooooo... this has been sitting in my wips for over a year. for some reason, i just never posted it. but unfortunately, i have work tomorrow, so i'll be dead as a doornail that evening, and the work i wanted to post isn't done yet, so i'll post this in the meantime. that being said, i think i'm finally starting to get back in the swing of things. i'm still working on requests as well as other stuff, but i'm coming back slowly!

also, if this idea is totally unusual, that's probably why it sat in my drafts for a year. it's a year old fluffy smut with a strange premise. bare with me. 😅

The minute you get back from work, you collapse onto the nearest chair and groan.

“You okay there?”

Looking up, you see Jo and her boyfriend on the couch watching a movie. Oops.

“Sorry. Yeah. Long day. Where is everyone?”

“Our dads went to the flooding company people to try and get that situation covered, and our moms took the kids to the park.”

“My brother too?”

“Your brother, but not mine.”

“Cool,” you give the girl a thumbs up. “Hey Cody.”

Jo’s boyfriend looks over at you, “hey, Y/N.”

“Alright, I’m gonna go shower.”

“Okay!”

You make your way up the stairs slowly, wondering where Kai is. Poking your head in his room, you see he’s not in there, but you don’t hear him anywhere else. Oh well. You’ll find him after your shower, because you really, really need that shower. 

In your room - also the Parker’s guest room - you grab a new set of clothes and your hairbrush, before going into the guest bathroom in the hallway. See, you and the Parkers are neighbors and have become close family friends. Though one night after a really bad storm, your basement flooded, as did several other houses nearby. This is a problem Mr. Parker could easily fix with magic, but considering the electric and flooding companies know your house was one of the ones affected, he can’t do anything without revealing his coven. Instead, your family temporarily moved in with his until the county could fix the issue.

It’s been two weeks, no progress. But you’re not complaining; you get to spend more time with Kai - your best friend who you’ve recently started dating in secret. 

As you’re busy undressing and getting the water ready, you don’t hear Kai come in from outside. The boy stands in the kitchen, staring at nothing in particular.

“Is everyone still out?” He hesitantly asks Jo.

“Yeah. But Y/N came home.”

“Oh. Where is she?”

“Mhm, went upstairs.” Then she snaps her fingers, “oh wait! She said she’s taking a shower. So don’t bother her. Just go to your room and wait for her to come out. Don’t be weird.”

Kai scrunches his nose. As if he’d ever make you uncomfortable on purpose. “Okay, thanks.”

Quietly, he makes his way upstairs. When he hears the water running, he bites his lip. Don’t be weird, Jo had just said. But she doesn’t know how close you two actually are. Swallowing hard, he slowly turns the knob to the bathroom door, trying not to alert Jo to which door he’s opening. Inside, the hot water steams up the mirrors, making it hard to see, but he can vaguely point out your figure through the glass. 

“Y/N?”

You hear him and pop your head out of the door, “Kai! Hi. Come in,” you gesture for him to enter all the way.

He does, then shuts the door just as quietly. “I don’t mean to bug you, I just wanted to make sure you were here. Jo said you were, but…” he shrugs.

“You’re not bugging. Come on, join me.”

“What?”

“In here.”

“But… I’m wearing jeans.”

“Well then take them off, you goof.”

“I-I… um.”

Deciding to give him privacy, you stick your head back in the shower and rinse out the shampoo. The whole time you’re finishing your shower routine, you assume Kai’s going to join you at any time. You haven’t gone that far in your relationship yet, but he is a teenage boy, and he does love kissing you every chance he gets.

You two have done more than kissing, of course, but just haven’t gone all the way. And there’s plenty of reasons for that: too many people in this damn house, someone might walk in, someone might overhear, etc. etc. etc. But aside from the obvious reasons, you can’t help but feel like there’s also reasons that Kai isn’t sharing. 

He likes to spend a lot of your time together practically worshipping your body. His lips and fingers have touched nearly every part of you, but he isn’t too keen on letting you do the same. 

Kai holds you in place with a hand on your neck. His lips are attached right below, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. His other hand’s busy farther down - two fingers pumping in and out of you quickly. You bite your lip hard to not moan as you cum on his hands. He continues to finger fuck you through your orgasm, not letting up until your body stills. Then, he tastes one finger before putting the second in your mouth. You suck on it, eyes trained on him the whole time. 

“My turn. Let me make you feel good, Kai.”

“You are. I like watching you like this.”

“No, I know. But I want to taste you, too. Let me blow you.”

Kai bites his lip as if he’s having an internal debate. “Isn’t this so much better, though?” Before you can say anything else, he kisses you, feeling his hands up and down the sides of your body as he does. “Now let me cuddle you, m’kay? Let me take care of you.”

You’re too overwhelmed in pleasure to fight, and succumb to his open arms. Minutes later, you’re both asleep. 

You don’t pry if he tells you ‘no’ the first time, but of course, you can’t help but wonder why he’s never let you even see his body. 

“Take your shirt off, why am I the only one exposed?” You joke, pulling at the hem.

“Hmph, no, baby, I’m too focused on you,” he says. 

Every time. He won’t even take his bracelets off, let alone any of his clothes. Again, you don’t push him - he’ll take that step when he’s ready - but you really want to pleasure him the same way he does you. And besides, he just has to be hot under there; his face is insanely attractive, arms are strong, and figure is lean. You’re dying to know. 

“Y/N?” His voice snaps you from your thoughts.

“Mhm?”

“I, um, actually nevermind.”

“You okay, angel?”

“Yeah, just…”

Done with your shower, you turn off the water and grab your towel. You would just go out nude despite him there, but you know the air will be cold, so you wrap the blue cloth around your body. “Well now I’m done.” Carefully, you open the door and step off the slippery floor.

In front of you, Kai is standing awkwardly. His jeans are still on, but his shirt is off and folded neatly on the bathroom counter. You gulp the minute you see his body for the first time. As you expected, he’s lean and rather well-toned for someone not allowed out of his house much. His arms have some muscle to them, and you can see several prominent veins close to the surface of his skin. What catches your eye most, however, is the sharp v-line shaping his hips, leading to somewhere still hidden from your sight. “Fuck,” you mutter under your breath.

Kai swallows hard. His eyes are red. You don’t notice the signs of discomfort, though, until a small sigh escapes his lips. 

You narrow your eyes when you hear him. “What's wrong, pumpkin?” Hurrying towards him, you cup the sides of his face. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I hate it.”

“Hate what?”

“Hate my body.”

“What do you mean? You’re gorgeous, Kai.”

“All the ew, all the stupid… everything.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t see anything ‘ew’.”

“Look closer.”

“Are you sure? If you’re uncomfortable, I won’t.”

“Just do it.”

Nervous, you step back to look at him closer. “Oh,” you mutter, suddenly saddened. Discolored skin in shades of green, yellow, and purple. Bruises, new and old. Handprints, whip marks, slaps from an open palm, all fading from red. Then there are the cuts, up and down his arms, some on his stomach, some on his shoulders. Clearly self-inflicted, though the bruises were all clearly marks of abuse. 

“Now you see how ugly I really am.”

“No, no, Kai…” Gently, you run a finger across a row of evidential abuse. He flinches a little and you can’t help the tear that falls from your eyes. “You’re still gorgeous, baby.”

“Hm,” he mutters, shaking his head ‘no’.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay. I promise. You are still beautiful to me. And I still want you, I still want every inch of your body. You don’t have to hide from me. Hey, I have some, too.”

You peel the towel away a bit to expose several cuts along your upper arm. 

He sniffs, “those weren’t there the other day.”

“I know, baby. But yesterday was really hard with my dad, and this was the only way I could think of to cope.”

Kai remembers yesterday. Your dad had forced you to go out with him to visit different universities in the area. By the time you both got back, he was fuming and you were holding back tears. 

“He got pissed at me when I said I didn’t want to go to college. He asked me why I was the family failure, and why I couldn’t be more like him.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay, now that I’m back beside you.”

“He’s a dick. Your brother’s a dick.”

“My point is, Kai, that we have a lot of the same scars. You don’t think I’m any less beautiful because of them, so why should you think that about yourself?”

“Because I also have bruises from my fucking dad.”

“That’s not your fault, baby. Your dad is an even bigger dick than mine. And just because you have wounds on your body from his hand doesn’t mean I don’t love you or your body any less.”

Kai freezes, “you love me?”

You then freeze, too. “I, um…” Then you realize that that confession may be exactly what he needs to hear. “Yes. I do love you, Kai.”

Tears that were welling in his eyes are now falling, “why?”

“Why? Why not? Because on top of being absolutely gorgeous, you’re an amazing friend and boyfriend. You’re sweet and gentle and trying your best despite the awful circumstances you’ve been given. You’re always there through the good and bad, and I could never get tired of being with you.”

“Can I admit that I love you, too?”

You smile and nod happily before leaning in quickly to kiss him. Amidst your excitement, your towel falls from your body, and your breasts rub up against his bare chest. Kai lets out a moan at the contact, but then separates from the kiss to cover his mouth with his hand. You just raise your eyebrows at him. 

“Feel good?”

Instead of answering, his hands find your breasts and feel them. His eyes roll back in his head. “So soft,” he mutters.

“Kai?”

“Hm?”

“Does this mean I can see you now?”

“Um, I, n- uh-” he stutters over every word. 

“You know what? It’s okay. Later?”

“Okay.”

“Sounds good. And I hate to say it, but we have to stop,” you pause to pull on your panties and jeans, “because Jo will start getting suspicious soon,” you have to ignore Kai’s pouting face as you put on your bra, “and she doesn’t need to see us like this, because she’ll tell your dad.” Your shirt is on next, “and then my dad. And then you’ll get hurt.” He watches you pull your hair out from under your shirt and flip it to curl around your face, “and you’re not getting hurt on my watch. Okay?”

Kai nods, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, pumpkin.” You two share another kiss before leaving the bathroom. Kai grabs his shirt on the way out, fumbling to put it on, along with his multiple bracelets. “Downstairs? I need some water.”

“Sure.”

The minute you reach the last step, Jo calls out to you, “did Kai find you?”

“Yeah, he’s here.”

“Okay. He came in a little bit after you went up. I told him you were in the shower, but not to bother you. He listened to me, right?”

“He didn’t bother me at all. Was very gentlemanly and waited in his room for me to come out.” You wink at Kai as you lie straight to Jo’s turned face. Luckily, she’s fixated on the movie. 

“Okay, good.”

“I’m just going to get a drink and then we’ll be out of your hair shortly.”

◇◇◇◇

“Y/N, are you sure you don’t want to come with us? It’s a huge festival, it’s a lot of fun,” Mr. Parker asks one more time as he’s halfway out the door. 

You take another glance at the amount of people crowding the doorway: your brother and parents, plus Kai’s parents and all his siblings. Minus him, of course. “I’m sure. I’m not too big on crowds, and I’m kinda tired. Might just see if Kai wants to watch a movie.”

“Okay, but be careful.” Then, Mr. Parker leans closer to whisper in your ear. The gray hairs of his beard lightly touch your skin, making you shiver in fear. “And don’t get too close to him.”

“Noted.”

“We should be back around three-ish, more or less,” your Dad adds. 

“Okay.”

“Don’t leave the house, and certainly don’t let him sneak out,” Mr. Parker piggy-backs off your dad’s comment. Jeez, it’s like they’re long-lost irritating brothers.

“I won’t. He’ll stay here with me.”

“But not too close, becau-”

“I heard it the first time, Dad. I trust Kai enough that we’ll be fine for a couple of hours. Go have fun, okay?” You had to downplay your friendship to make them think you only trusted him a little. If they knew the truth - that you’d trust him with your life - they’d definitely stage an intervention and never let you see each other again. 

“Okay, just making sure. See you later, Y/N.”

“Bye.”

Finally, they leave. It takes ten minutes for nine kids to assemble between two cars, between the Parkers’ van and your parents’ SUV, but they eventually make it work. You can literally hear two kids crying over “having to sit in the back again”, but then you hear your Dad’s voice, “ride with me, if it’s okay with your Dad.” The crying ceases at last, and the cars pull out of the gate. 

“Are they gone yet?” Kai comes downstairs about a minute after they left.

“Just pulled out. What were you doing?”

He swallows, “um.” While struggling to answer, you give him a look. “I’m used to hiding during the van-packing process.”

“Okay,” you answer, not entirely convinced. 

He bites his lip, “okay, that part is true. I do hide when they do that because sometimes someone storms back in to grab something to appease the ones stuck in the back, like a snack or whatever. But, um, what I was actually doing was… trying to,” he pauses, and you let him find the words, “build up the courage to, um… can I just kiss you?”

You’re confused, but you’ll never deny him a kiss. Smile forming on your lips, you close the three foot gap between you two, hands tracing his jawline, capturing his face, while kissing him softly. His hands find your waist, gripping your hips. There’s something different about this kiss than your usual ones. Something more hungry… willing, maybe. Whatever it is, you let him take charge. 

As soon as the shift in control changes, he spins the both of you around so that you’re pressed into the counter, rather than himself, while he kisses you deeper. His lips leave your mouth to trail down your jaw, to your neck, but then he suddenly stops to look up at you. 

“Everything okay?”

“Can we go upstairs?”

“Of course.” You joke, “afraid someone’s gonna walk in?”

He misses your teasing tone and replies bluntly, “no, I wanna fuck you.”

You nearly trip up the first stair, causing you to grab a tight hold of his hand. “What’d you say?”

“Is that okay?”

“I-uh-um- yes, just caught me off guard. What brought it on?”

“You said you loved me. And that you liked my body even with all the scars. And that if I can love yours with scars, you can love mine.”

“I did say that. I meant every word.”

“And so now we’re here alone, and I’m going to act on something I’ve wanted to do a long time ago.” 

You reach the top of the stairs. He has an arm around your back to prevent you from falling, just in case, as he stares into your eyes for hesitancy. You give none. “Then do it.”

Instantly, your back collides with the hallway wall and he kisses you with the same tenacity he did downstairs. Out of habit, your hands find his hair; his, your waist, but he’s a lot more confident now. Slowly, he inches the both of you towards his door. His hand fumbles with the knob, making him frustrated.

“Wish I could just open the stupid thing with magic.”

“If I had magic, I’d let you take it whenever,” you answer, again, with no hesitancy. 

He stops to stare at you. “You would?”

“Mhm. I mean it, Kai, I love you.”

“But the siphoning hurts.”

You shrug, “can’t hurt that bad. I imagine it’d probably actually feel good. At least for me, maybe not other people. Send little tingles all the way down to my-”

He cuts you off with an open mouthed kiss. “Now I really wish you had magic.”

“-and then a part of me would kinda be in your blood, too, right?” You finish the second part of what you wanted to say. 

“Holy fuck, you’re turning me on.”

“Open the door, Kai,” you urge. 

He finally does, but in the second you take to catch a breath, he’s back on you. He takes advantage of your state and slips his tongue in your mouth, no regard for anything but his and your pleasures. You go weak in his arms and let him explore, enjoying the feeling much more than you probably should. Then, he taps on your hips signaling for you to jump. You do, wrapping your legs around his waist. He carries you to the bed, finally, and throws you down rather roughly.

Immediately, panic takes over his face. “Shit, that was way harder than I meant to! You okay?”

You, on the other hand, can’t get a word out because you’re giggling too hard. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” He tries again.

“You’re so hot when you’re all dominant. Well, you’re always hot, but-” and then you continue to giggle. 

Kai relaxes, realizing he didn’t hurt you. “Oh you little-” he climbs on top of you until he’s hovering over your face. Legs tangle together, bodies close but not close enough… You buck your hips. There, now they’re close enough. “You’ve been wanting this,” he observes, fighting back a moan at the contact. 

“Yes, but also, your comfort is my number one priority. It’s much better now, with you enjoying it too, than if we were to try when you weren’t ready.”

“Thank you, princess,” he kisses your nose sweetly. 

“Thank you for trusting me. One thing though.”

“Mhm?”

“Do you trust me right now?”

“Of course.”

“Good.” Without further warning, you grab his wrists and flip him over so that his back is pressed into the bed. It’s the first time you’ve ever been on top of him, and the power makes you giddy. 

“I thought you liked me being dominant?”

“Oh, I do. But I also want to see you writhe under me,” you wink at him. 

Kai gives you a look, and you know he’s going to start fighting any minute now. It’s in his eyes, and you can feel his muscles under you tensing to build up the strength. In the last second before you think he’s going to try and take charge, your hand goes down to the outline forming in his jeans. All fight is immediately gone as soon as you start to feel him. He can’t even fight the moan he’s been holding back since you started making out downstairs. The sound spurs you on and you rub him harder.

“More, princess. Please.”

You move your legs to straddle him, hands going to his belt. “This okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Words, please.”

“What am I, five?”

You cock your head at him. “Words, or no further touching.”

“Princess,” he tries to buck his hips like you did, but you’re holding him down.

“Come on, Malachai.”

“Don’t use that name.”

“Mala-”

“Fine! Yes, please. It’s okay. Please.” You smirk, not expecting the begging, but loving it. “You little sadist.”

That only makes you love it more. Not wasting another second, your hands are undoing his belt. As much as you want to take it slowly, you’re both too excited to drag it out any longer. Besides, just by looking at him, you can see how hard he is, and you know you’re almost soaking your panties with wetness. 

“Wait,” he pants. 

You stop immediately. “You okay?”

“I need… I need. C’mere,” he beckons you forward, and you listen. “Need this off,” he pulls off your shirt. “And this,” next is your bra. The minute it’s off, he loses control and grabs your tits like he did in the bathroom a couple days earlier. Before you know it, he’s fondling one while the other’s in his mouth. 

“If mine is, this is coming off, too.” You make a grab for his shirt. He pauses, tongue still around your nipple. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” he seems to decide in that instant. 

In order for you to pull the fabric over his head, he has to disconnect his mouth from your breast. But when it’s off, he swallows hard and doesn’t reach for them again.

“Kai… c’mon, pumpkin.” You take his hand to put it back on your body, trying to return that sense of comfort, but he doesn’t grasp your breast again. Sighing, you take it as a moment to get a closer look at his body. The bruises, the scars, everything. A tear escapes your eye, and you lean down to press a kiss to one of the purplish wounds. Then, you start to do that with all of them. From his neck to his hips, you kiss every mark made on his body, whether by his dad’s hand or his own. On the fresher ones, your lips are more gentle, barely there, not wanting to cause him more pain. But on the older ones, you leave multiple kisses, or even lick them with your tongue before kissing. “I meant it, Kai. You’re gorgeous. These marks don’t stop me from loving you.”

Slowly, he makes eye contact with you again. His hands reach out to your face, and when he gets a hold of you, he pulls you in for another deep kiss on his lips. “What did I do to deserve you?” He asks with a tear emerging.

“You don’t have to deserve love, baby.” You kiss his collarbone. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Your lips travel to his chest. Giving him a taste of his own medicine, you swirl your tongue around one of his nipples. He moans loudly, arching his back.

“Holy shit, I didn’t know that would feel that good.”

“Can I continue to make you feel things like that?”

“Yes, please. I need it, I need you. Wait, but let me-” he suddenly sticks two fingers into your wet heat, hovering over his own body, and pops them in his mouth. “You taste so good.”

“Are you gonna let me taste you now?”

“Sure. Yes. I meant yes.”

Your eyes warm and you continue to kiss him further down - this time, trailing his v-line. You had noticed the prominent indents the other day, but are now getting to see it up close. He moans again, enticing you more. 

“Princess.”

“I’m working on it.” Finally, you shrug his jeans down and off his body. You can tell he’s fighting the urge to hide his now-bare legs, but you opt to not pay attention to them anyway. Your gaze goes straight to the bulge in his boxers that looks even thicker without his jeans in the way. Mouth watering, you touch him first, enjoying the feeling. 

“Y/N, please. It’s uncomfortable. Too tight.”

Succumbing to his wishes, you tap his hips for him to lift them, then peel back the final confinement. His cock springs out, slapping his stomach in the process. You’re quick to lean forward and lick a stripe from the base to the tip. Kai sinks his head into the pillow, groaning huskily. After pulling his boxers all the way off, you refocus your attention back to the length in front of you. 

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” you mutter. The praise makes him twitch, and you immediately reach out to grasp him between two of your fingers. “Need to taste.” And then you finally do. You start at the tip, rolling your tongue over the slit counter clockwise, stimulating precum in the process. Some of it leaks into your mouth, straight down your throat, but most of it drips down the side of cock. It doesn’t get far, though, before you move your head to catch it, licking your way from the base to the tip, again. 

A shiver runs through his body. “Feels so good.” Barely audible, but you hear him. 

Positioning your head over him, you prepare to take him fully. To you, it’s a five second break of deep breaths, but to Kai, overwhelmed in pleasure, there’s almost no warning. As soon as you’re ready, you sink your mouth down on him until you get about halfway and your gag reflex kicks in. Cock hitting the back of your throat, you gag around him.

“Y/N, you okay?” He sits up on his elbows, worried he’d accidentally hurt you.

Slowly, you lift your head back up, “I’m good, baby. Just training my throat to take you.”

He swallows so hard that you see his Adam’s apple bob. “Oh, um…” He doesn’t lay back down, opting to watch you instead. 

You don’t mind as you go down for a second time, getting further now. You do it several times, taking more and more of him each time. Your tongue swirls around his length and traces his veins. In fact, there’s one vein in particular that especially makes Kai moan every time you hit it. It’s on the underside of his cock, and you start to pay special attention to it. The rest of his length sits against your face as you focus on it.

Kai doesn’t know if the sight or the feeling is affecting him more. Either way, he feels himself getting close to release. Your mouth is around him, head bobbing up and down rapidly, when he twitches. He whines, resisting the urge to hold your head where he wants. Suddenly, though, you stop and remove your mouth completely. 

“Fuck, wait, I’m about to…”

“I know, pumpkin. Can’t let you do that yet.”

He’s about to ask why, but then sees his answer. In one quick motion, you’re removing your own pants and lining your bodies together. “Ready?”

“Mhm. Yes.”

You smile, grab his cock to hold it upright, then sink your heat down onto him. Kai collapses, elbows no longer supporting him, as pleasure consumes him.

“You okay?”

“Yes, oh- oh god.”

“Can I move? I’ll start slow.”

“Please.”

As promised, you slowly begin to ride his length. Your hands rest on either side of his body and lips are pressed to his chest, leaving hot kisses all over his skin. 

“Let me know if you want to try and take over.”

“Okay.”

When Kai starts to relax, you pick up the pace. Not too fast, but little by little. Soon, his hands find your hips and he helps guide you. His fingers have a tight grip on you, but it only makes you wetter. 

“I think, I wanna… wanna try…”

“Want to be on top, angel?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. You can just flip us or I can move, what are you feeling?” But the hungry look in his eyes already gives you your answer.

As soon as you nod and grab onto his shoulders, he flips the both of you so that you’re now pressed into the bed. With his usual role re-established, so does his dominance. You open your legs wider to give him more access, and he immediately takes advantage of it. With a lick of his lips, he pushes his cock into you, not stopping until he’s run out of length. 

“Oh my god,” you mutter. 

“Is it too much?”

“No, you’re perfect. Move when you’re ready, mmkay?”

He nods, then copies the way you rode him when he begins to move: arms on your side, head ducked into your chest. His lips attach to your nipples, sucking, and pulling them between his teeth. When he gets a hold of his balance, you feel pressure on your clit, too. 

“Fuck, Kai. You’re so good.”

His body jolts, “say it again.”

“What?”

“Name. Say it again.”

“Kai,” you pant as he quickens pace.

“No one else is home baby, say it louder.”

You had forgotten this fact, actually, but the minute he reminds you, you let yourself go. “Fuck,” you moan, rather loudly, “feels so good, Kai! Fuck. Harder.”

He spreads your legs wider and thrusts harder upon request. Obscene sounds fill the room, mixed with your moans and whimpers.

“Kai,” you pant, “need to hear you, too.”

“I’d rather hear you, Princess.”

“Aw, come on, gorgeous. Nothing turns me on more than men moaning,” you admit. “Need to hear you.”

Previously held-back grunts and groans tumble from his mouth at your confession. When his lips return to your nipple, he makes sure to keep up with your request, sending vibrations throughout your body. 

“I’m close, Kai. So close, so close… don’t stop what you’re doing.”

“I’m getting there, too,” he twitches again. “Come for me, Princess.”

As soon as he asks, your orgasm rips through your body. Loud moans follow, and your eyes roll back in your head. Kai rides you through yours, before pulling out and immediately releasing all over your face and chest. Some drips off your shoulders, down to the bedsheets.

The minute he catches his breath, a worried expression takes over his face, “I’m sorry! I knew I shouldn’t do it inside you, but wasn’t sure where else to. I aimed for your chest and misfired.”

You make direct eye contact with him, then swipe a bunch off your cheek with your finger before sucking it off. “Oh, I’ll never complain about a facial.” You dart your tongue out to the side to gather more. “And don’t worry, I kinda like the taste. How the hell were you a virgin, Kai?! You were amazing the whole way through!”

He blushes, “um, thank you.”

You can’t help but giggle. Only Kai would be sweet enough to thank you for complimenting his sexual ability. Your ex-boyfriend, to whom you had lost your virginity, threw you an, “I know,” when you told him he was good. This little fact just made you love Kai even more. 

Then, as if he couldn’t get more perfect, his next words are, “can I clean you up now, Princess? And then we can cuddle and nap?”

“Of course. Give me a kiss first.”

Kai leans forward and kisses you sweetly. His tongue sweeps over your bottom lip, wetting it gently. 

“Blood,” he comments.

“Hm?”

“There’s blood on your lip.”

You run your own tongue along it, “must’ve bit it in pleasure.”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” He pulls on a loose pair of sweatpants from his drawer, giving you a wink. 

“Okay, darling.”

Two minutes later, Kai returns with a warm rag and a water bottle. First, he cleans the small sore and any remaining blood off your lip, then hands you the bottle. “Drink,” he insists. As you do, he moves the rag over your face and down your neck and chest, cleaning off his drying cum. He rubs your lower body next, easing some of the soreness as well as wiping away your cum. “Anywhere else?”

“No, I’m okay. Do you need anything?”

“Just you,” he sappily replies. 

“Okay, come here then.” Arms wide open, you gather him up and pull him close. You take a hand away for a split-second to pull the blankets over you two, earning a whine before he realizes what you’re doing. As soon as your arm is back around him, he snuggles into your body. “I love you, Kai,” you whisper with your lips against his cheek.

“I love you, too, Princess. Thank you for making me feel like I’m worth something to someone.” 

As much as his words sadden you, they also make you feel warm inside. You’re the one that makes him feel that way, and that’s pretty fucking special. 

“Always, my sweetheart.” You give him a kiss to the cheek, keeping your lips there even afterwards. His heartbeat slows into a comfortable rhythm and breathing evens out, and soon, he’s fast asleep in your arms. 

[jewish-vents]

Self harm warning

I finally broke down and relapsed tonight. 2 years clean down the drain. I’m not going to lie, part of it is that I’m so fucking tired of no one taking my pain seriously. I’m not fully completed reform conversion yet but I’ve lost so many friends. I have to see childhood friends who previously comforted me about antisemitism post things which imply or state I deserve it. That my pain doesn’t matter. My pain isn’t real and maybe it never was.

My partner won’t take it seriously, they keep telling me “they don’t know what they’re saying. They dont mean you. Just talk to them.” I CAN’T. I’ve already had the ones I tried talking to tell me my pain is lesser. Me getting called slurs and told i have no culture, that i’m either the worst kind of white person or that I’m not white but nothing else either. A third worst thing. Saying I want peace for everyone in the region somehow translates to saying I want ethic supremacy and I’ve never faced “true” racism?

My jewish family and I have no contact right now. My local community is on lockdown or packing up. I can’t see anything about Judaism or Jewish people or politics without feeling like I’m about to have a heart attack with a stone crushing my chest. I can’t go anywhere online and I’m terrified to leave my house. My queer “support” is gone so I’m practically closeted again. Everything I tried to build up or wanted is gone or changed because of some fucking countries I don’t live in.

Maybe if my pain is visible people will give a shit, maybe at least if I can point to my new scars and go “this is how antisemitism affects me.” I can at least make them uncomfortable and fuck off. They’re screaming for my blood anyways. The physical pain is a distraction from the mental pain. I’m sorry this is heavy but I can’t stop angry crying. I’ve been dissociating and trying to be good and unwavering. I coudl’mt do it anymore.

.

[sanscat0414]

“You Want to Cuddle Me?”

Hawks x Clingy reader

Scenario: Hawks comforts you about your insecurity in physical affection. Cuddles lots of cuddles.

You were always insecure about being to clingy. Sure you family didn’t mine you coming up randomly for a hug or a small kiss on the forehead but they never really initiated any physical contact by themselves after you grew up. Your friends always pushed you off whenever you tried to hugged them, telling you to stop acting like a child. Your ex’s thoughts your clinginess was cute at first but started to think you were annoying. You ended up breaking up with him because he like a girl who constantly wanted affection. You had always shown your love through physical affection and contact but often times than not the people around you only found you annoying or incredibly clingy. This led you your insecurities around clinging to on or people.

You been with Hawks for a month now, and you were always the one who first offered cuddles or kisses. You always held yourself back form just running up to him to cuddle and feel his warmth. You would always kelp the cuddle time to a minimum and restraining yourself to only less than 10 kisses a day. You were afraid to scare him off with your overly cuddly personality. Sure Hawks was busy but he always to make time to spend with you even it if just a small movie date. You really loved him and the last thing you want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Today was a day off for the hero. He had originally planned to let you plan out your date like always but wanted to do something for you too. Hawks wanted to have a date he planned and make you happy. He had thought about this for a long time, what would be your perfect date?

Hawks started the morning off by making breakfast for himself and getting dressed to go to your place. He went to a couple of shops before heading to your place. As he flew to your place he texted you.

H: Hey feather, I’m coming over now.

y: Morning! Can’t wait to see you!

H: me too~

Like alway he would enter through the balcony door. You greeted him by running to your living room but you restrained yourself form hugging him immediately.

“Hey Kei! So you what did you plan for today?” You said happily.

He smirks sand proudly proclaims “a cuddle date! I thought about taking you out to fancy place but the I realized you probably get uncomfortable like how you got uncomfortable at the dinner date I suggested last time. So I bought your favorite snacks a few games and a movie we can watch while we cuddle and stuff.”

You looked at Hawks stunned at his cuddle date proposal. It’s not like your ex’s never liked cuddles but whenever you do cuddle they alway brushed you off after an hour or so. To have Hawks purpose something was a pleasant surprise to you.

“You want to… cuddle me?” You said timidly.

“Yeah? Whats wrong you don’t like the idea? If so we can go out probably for lunch or the arcade or whatever you want.” Hawks said worriedly.

“No is not that…” you said looking away form him.

“Then what’s the matter?” Hawks asked as he walked closer to you.

“It’s just…..” you didn’t know what to say.

Hawks guide you to the couch and sat down with you. He waited patiently as you gathered your thoughts.

“Feather~ you can talk to me okay?”

“You don’t find me too clingy? With cuddles and stuff?”

“No, it’s adorable actually. I like being cuddled by you. It feels like home, growing up I never really had that kind of connection with others not even with my mom. It’s nice.” Hawks said as he lifted you chin up to look at him.

“You don’t mind me randomly cuddling you? Or giving you kisses out of nowhere?”

“Not at all feather. Now would you tell me what gave you that idea?” He said and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“Everyone thinks Im too clingy. That I act like a child whenever I ask for hugs or just hold hands. They always just pushed me off.”

“Is that why you always stop cuddling after an hour or two?”

You nodded and looked away feeling the intensity of the way hawks was looking at you. You suddenly felt yourself being lifted up only to be placed done on hawks lap. You blushed as he held on to you nuzzling into the back of you neck.

“Babybird~ I would never find you clingy. I love you just the way you are. I love your cuddled and kisses. I don’t care when or how you do it as long as I get to spend time with you. I don’t mind you being clingy in fact I think I like being clingy to.” Hawks said “I wanna be close to you to, so please don’t hold yourself back form cuddles, kisses, holding hands and everything in between.”

“Kei, you’re the sweetest.”

“Your sweeter for alway being there when I need you. I love coming to your place and just being able to hold you like this.”

You smile and turned around straddling him. You give him a kiss and nuzzled him and got comfortable with your head in the nook of his neck. You lived feeling his warmth and having him cuddle you back.

You two spend the rest of the day clinging on to each other watching movies and playing games. It was the perfect date for you and him.

[payattentiontothescreen]

Bridgerton Rewatch S1E4 - An Affair of Honor

Here we go with episode 4! Just as a warning before getting into this one, I was kinda high when I watched this episode so my notes are pretty incoherent. I’ll do my best to interpret them.

When Daphne and Violet go to the palace, there are those upper-crust dumbasses calling Daphne a commoner. Obviously that’s a pretty crazy thing to say about the Bridgertons but that’s how everyone at court sees them. Once you get to the absolute top of society, the family of a viscount is basically destitute. It just proves how Daphne would never have fit into this part of society.

I’ll talk more about the necklace later but for now I just need to say that it looks insanely uncomfortable.

Alice Mondrich comes in swinging during Simon’s pity party before the boxing match. She’s so great, I can’t wait to see more of her in season 3.

It’s funny but also sad that everyone is so confused when Mr. Finch comes calling for Philippa. It’s like no one actually believed in the girls’ abilities to attract anyone. It’s not unfounded, but it still sucks.

Some of the greatest dramatic irony in this show comes when you watch the first season after learning Lady Whistledown’s identity. Eloise talks about how much she admires LWD because she doesn’t spend her nights “simpering at the edge of a ballroom” (not the exact quote but still). Little does she know that LWD/Penelope does exactly that almost every night, which is why she has the information she does.

I have a feeling that there’s gonna be one really strange outing per season. This season was the boxing date with Daphne and Friedrich. Like, it makes sense in context but imagine having a conversation about kids and what kind of family you’re looking for in the middle of a boxing match.

Daphne staring at Simon’s forearms will always make me chuckle. Those forearms got my girl dizzy, it’s hilarious.

I will be saying this a lot but I think Benedict and Henry should have kissed. I remember watching the show for the first time and being very disappointed that they didn’t kiss. Every time I go back, part of me hopes that it’ll be different this time but I know it won’t.

The art of background acting is so underrated. I had this noted at the point when Anthony tells Daphne that Friedrich asked for permission to propose. Claudia Jessie isn’t technically a part of the scene but she is still in character, acting her heart out as Eloise. The facial expressions are killer, it’s amazing. 

The scene where Daphne admits to Violet that everything between her and Simon was “fake” is so good. You can tell that Daphne is trying to convince herself of everything she’s telling her mother as if it’s fact. The hurt and desperation is so present, it’s crazy.

I have a lot of thoughts on high society racial integration part of Bridgerton’s world but writing about it here would completely derail this post. That’s gonna have to come later.

The mood whiplash coming for Benedict after Henry tells him that second sons have all the fun is gonna hit him like a freight train.

I get so much secondhand embarrassment from Eloise confronting Mrs. Wilson about Lady Whistledown. I take my headphones off during that scene, the cringe is too much.

Colin is so in love with Penelope and so clueless about it. I am so looking forward to him finally realizing his feelings.

So we have made it outside of the Trowbridge Ball and here is where I talk about the necklace. This gift absolutely had to be a necklace. Nothing else would have shown how suffocated she felt by Friedrich’s affections. When she took it off, she breathed like it was physically choking her. That imagery is so powerful, especially with Simon watching Daphne release herself from the grasp of the prince.

Simon here bugs me because he’s practically talking Daphne out of marrying Friedrich when he knows it’s the best course of action. He’s getting in her head while ignoring the fact that he will refuse to marry her. Like, what was he actually trying to accomplish? I understand that this is why Simon and Daphne get married but he gets under my skin a little bit here.

Quick little side note, I don’t know if this is a cinematography thing or weird direction that didn’t play out on camera but Simon and Daphne getting it on in the garden looks so awkward and uncomfortable? To me, at least. I didn’t find it very sexy, just awkward.

And thus begins my favorite part of season one, the wild melodrama of the duel. I don’t know how they managed it because the situation is bad and the stakes are real but it still plays out very over the top. I love it so much.

We have made it to the point in the first season where Marina becomes kind of shitty. It gets worse later on but here is where we start to see it.

“Not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton” may be harsh, but it’s true. It’s more present in the second season but Eloise doesn’t actually understand her position. She is a member of the family with some of the most social capital in the ton and it is largely because of their looks. All this to say that the Bridgertons are pretty privilege incarnate.

Something I love about Simon and Will’s friendship is how much is said without words. It shows how well they know each other in such a great way.

This is what I wrote down: “Addiction is a disease but Lord Featherington is a fuckhead.” I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.

I’ve been trying to avoid talking too much about Siena because I’m not a fan of her storyline but it’s wild to me that she gets upset when Anthony leaves for the duel. He literally told her that he was dueling at dawn. That’s why he was there, that’s why she let him in. Why is she making a face about it now? This is something else that I could be misinterpreting but it just stood out as I was watching.

The duel is so good. It’s so extra and overdramatic. I know it wasn’t meant to be but let’s be honest, no one was gonna die. So it just reads as so over the top to the outside observer. At least to me, it does.

I don’t know how much there actually is to say about it but something that stood out to me was the way the conversations with the seconds went. Anthony has very clear instructions for Benedict and makes sure that he knows them, even once they’ve already gone through the whole thing. When Will asks if Simon wants him to make any arrangements, Simon tells him that his affairs are in order and nothing else. If that doesn’t say a lot about their family lives, I don’t know what does.

Something that I always notice when I watch Daphne getting shot at is the reactions. Simon runs for her as soon as the horse bucks. Anthony runs for her when she falls. There’s a lot of things that could say but I’m not gonna assign a specific interpretation here because I can’t decided on one.

My final note on this episode was “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” and I think that’s a very fitting end to this notes session.

As we get closer to season 3, I'm concerned that I won't be able to watch the whole thing beforehand but let's see.

[vizthedatum]

I think a lot of my ex-partners, whether they were neurotypical or neurodivergent, have been puzzled by my spiky profile as an autistic adult.

Not that I knew I was autistic in my twenties… but I have had difficulties with executive functioning and adaptive functioning for as long as I’ve been alive.

It often caused my ex-partners to either lose trust in me or start treating me completely differently… often causing me to feel even more frustrated and uncomfortable. Often leading to even more skill regression or shutdown.

I don’t know what a lot of my needs are (I’m figuring it out now!) - I admittedly haven’t taken the best care of myself because I was masking so hard.

I was trying to fit in so badly. And I was wearing myself down by trying to excel in my academic programs because often my academic skills seemed to be the only thing I could reliably count on (but even then, when my health got worse, that got affected due to energy constraints).

My trauma and hyper vigilance allows me to see and viscerally feel when people are getting upset with me. Sometimes I feel like people only realize I’m neurodivergent when it interferes with their life…

But I’m living it. I’m living in a world that often can’t accommodate my needs - sensory, emotional, or otherwise.

I get by because I feel like I’m “hacking life.” But in essence I’m always striving for goals that I may or may not be able to accomplish… and feeling anxious the whole time. People often don’t trust my methods unless I obscure them. Then they’ll see the end result and give me praise.

And if I can’t perform? I’m subject to abuse, outright silent treatment, ridicule, and rejection.

So I wired myself to be praise-seeking from early childhood… it was one of the ways I would not get beaten or punished/bullied by my family and peers.

It was how I’d keep down a job or a place in my program.

—

I don’t want to be praise-seeking anymore.

And I don’t want to put up with people who literally can’t understand why my needs evolve so dramatically with my environment.

My body is so sensitive and while it seems like I’m resilient to a lot, I’m not.

I also have communication and processing issues - regardless of how smart I am or how well I’m doing at a particular task.

I need a lot of clarity. I need emotional validation. I need physical support. I need space. I need to take up space. I need environments that encourage flow-state. I need compassion. I need safe spaces to meltdown and not be judged. I need to stim. I need patience without anger or control. I need patience when I feel like things are going out of control.

I don’t want to constantly flare. I don’t care if people think I’m being “selfish” by prioritizing my needs - I WILL LITERALLY PEE BLOOD IF I DO NOT.

[xsezzie]

You already know Alhaitham and Kaveh for the ask game! 👀

Thank you Sezzie! 💖

~ cute anon

YES OF COURSE CUTE ANON heheheh

1. on a scale of 1-10, how ticklish are they? I would say Kaveh is a 10, while Alhaitham is a 7-8 depending on who is trying to tickle him hehe

2. where is their most ticklish spot(s)?

Kaveh: Upper back, ankles, feet, stomach, bellybutton

Alhaitham: Lower back, armpits, back of knees, his ribs and stomach can be a bit ticklish too hehe 3. which spots are they not ticklish?

Alhaitham’s upper back isn’t that ticklish, he finds it very relaxing if tickled there, also his stomach is only ticklish for certain people Kaveh

Kaveh is a walking tickle spot but his shoulders aren’t too ticklish and his chest isn’t either

4. what is their laugh like?

Kaveh starts off with the deeper laugh but it gets more high pitched the longer you tickle him and depending on the spot

Alhaitham has a bit of a raspy/wheezy type of laugh, he does his best to sound normal but after a while he gets a bit squeaky 💕

5. do they enjoy tickling? if yes, is it a fun platonic/familial thing, or kinky thing to them, or can it be both depending on the circumstance?

I think it’s more of an affectionate thing between them. Alhaitham would never tickle anyone else. Kaveh will tickle others on occasion, like if he’s playing with young kids or his other friends, though with the latter he gets scared because he knows they will retaliate and wreck him 👀

6. are they more often a lee or ler, generally?

These two are big switches in my mind LOL

7. who is someone in their life that they tickle often?

Each other 😂 Though for Kaveh he tickles others on occasion such as Cyno and Tighnari (if he wants to suffer)

8. who is someone in their life that they get tickled by often?

Again, each other. BUT Kaveh gets tickled by anyone… Tighnari, Cyno, Faruzan, Collei, even Layla dared to try once 😂

I feel like Alhaitham doesn’t have anyone else, but maybe he’s somewhat piqued the interest of Nahida 💀 9. does the word “tickle” or any variation of embarrass them?

Not on it’s own, but in the situation it will, like if they are being all tickly and the one says something like “tickle tickle tickle” or “oh are you ticklish?” Or something like that they’re 😳😳 10. are they embarrassed about their ticklishness, and do they try to deny/hide it?

Alhaitham is good at hiding because he doesn’t want people touching him, but he will sometimes playfully hide it from Kaveh to annoy him 💕

Kaveh can’t hide it at all but he’s a bit embarrassed by it! 11. would gentle tickling or rough tickling affect them more?

Gentle for Kaveh, rough for Alhaitham. Although both are effective on each of them. Alhaitham gets super annoyed that gentle tickling gets him and melts and just turns into a cat when gentle tickled. Rough tickling on Kaveh might get you a knee or elbow 😶 12. is there a specific spot that they enjoy being tickled, either exclusively or more than other spots? what is it?

Kaveh is too ticklish for a relaxing spot but on the rare occasion he can handle his tummy being rubbed 🥰

Alhaitham LOVES being traced on his upper back/neck :3 13. is there a spot that they can’t stand to be tickled, either because it’s just too sensitive, or it’s uncomfortable/painful/etc? what is it?

The middle of Kaveh’s back, that bit right between the shoulder blades (which is conveniently exposed by his outfit hehe) he doesn’t mind it if it’s Alhaitham but overall it gets too much and he squeals and laughs too hard

Alhaitham doesn’t like his thighs being touched, even by Kaveh. Something about it makes him uncomfortable. As for too sensitive, he’s embarrassed about his ears being ticklish hehe 👀 14. would they ever purposefully bug a friend/partner/sibling into tickling them, and if so, how would they go about it?

Yes. Kaveh for sure because that baby girl loves it when Alhaitham wrecks him. He would probably be physical about it and lay on top of Alhaitham or do little things like blow on his ears, tickle his back, blow raspberries on his neck or something to bug him 😂

Alhaitham would never ever ask directly or really do anything, but Kaveh can tell if he is in a tickling mood because he’s more restless and may be prone to getting slightly irritated. Alhaitham either doesn’t realise or want to acknowledge that ticking is something he wants in those moments 😶 15. does teasing affect them?

Depends on the type. Kaveh will get a little embarrassed if it’s friends, and Alhaitham doesn’t react at all and keeps his cool. But if it’s the two of them with each other… it’s on 💀

Alhaitham especially gets embarrassed if Kaveh tries to baby talk him and say things like “Aww is the scribe ticklish?” etc. Alhaitham is all “you don’t need to remind me like that!” 😋

Kaveh will constantly be telling Alhaitham to shut up even if he’s not talking. All Alhaitham has to do is look at him and he’s like 😳

[redscharms]

I can't find my old post on Hong Joong's personality reading, so here's me reposting it (so freaking happy I kept a copy on my notes on this one)

Another group piqued my interest.

Ateez.

So, I did quick personality readings for them.

I don’t know the boys of the group yet, this is all based purely on my Tarot reading and intuition.

In a way this is me trying to get back to Tarot and testing my rusty skills.

Kim Hong Joong personality reading

He’s really intense. I’m just looking at his photo and reading the cards for now.

There’s a certain darkness in him, deep and dangerous. Another side to him that he’s not uncomfortable with.

He’s not necessarily proud of it but he’s not ashamed of it either.

Hardworking, proud and stubborn.

Keeps things to himself. Wary of others and only few people know ‘the real him’.

And these people are the ones he trusts the most.

He’s very intuitive. He can ‘feel’ other people and their intentions. Can immediately recognize a ‘shitty’ person and his attitude towards that person will be very cold. He’s not interested in showing any type id interest towards people he doesn’t like. Stays away from them, to him these people as if don’t exist at all.

Has hard time hiding his annoyance or disgust.

If he has to interact with people he doesn’t like, he’ll do it with cold politeness.

Great at playing the devil’s advocate.

Forgives but never forgets.

Loves money and can spend huge amounts of it on himself and people he loves.

For the people he cares about he would go to great lengths. He’s possessive of his belongings and his relationships.

Petty jealousy is something he can be guilty of.

Loves to make sure everyone he cares about are living a comfortable life but he also knows the importance of learning from your own mistakes and overcoming difficulties to cherish your accomplishments. So, he would never step in to help someone when he sees that it’s not his responsibility to do so.

Despite all the not so positive description so far, Hong Joong seems to be a very decent person. Extremely hard working, minding his own business and trustworthy.

He can be selfish but not to the point of stepping on others people heads.

He values integrity and morals.

He seems to be a very complex, slightly difficult to deal with, but overall nice human being.

He seems like someone who can be extremely patient one day and hotheaded the next one.

He is responsible and seems to be ready to take more responsibility than he can physically handle but because he’s so stubborn, he’ll burn himself out but he’ll do everything that he said he would.

Very competitive.

Not about cheating but will be extremely salty if he sees someone else cheat.

Can’t just ‘chill and play’.

Every game to him is a life or death competition.

A little but of a hoarder? Like has too many clothes for example. If someone threw away some of his very old stuff he wouldn’t even remember he had them to notice.

Mini sugar daddy.

Spends too much money on other if he’s in a good mood and he likes the person.

Never expects anything in return, very genuine in his affection.

But he appreciates a lot when the person is equally attentive in return.

If he lost his interest or worse if he’s disappointed in someone, that someone will never regain Hong Joong’s trust and sympathy.

He’ll become cold and distant towards them.

He can get extremely petty.

Mood swings.

One day he might approve the most stupid idea and the other day he’ll smack you in the face saying that you must be an idiot to suggest something like that.

Don’t let him near gambling games.

He’s a romantic. Idealistic but also pessimistic about it.

Probably believes in soulmates but doesn’t believe he’ll meet one.

Hopes for world peace but also wants to see the world burn. (Oh, that’s something I can relate too 😂 I like this guy ahahahah)

Likes children… okay that was random.

But he seems to want a family but also somehow keep his independence.

[deaths]

eeeeeeeeee uh i dont know i needed to get this out of me. thoughts on That Part in shadowlands that makes me want to rip my hair out and eat it. but also some lustarion.

the cursed shadow lands were taking its toll. after finding arabella, that sweet tiefling girl in the village who they had returned to her parents, only a week later to have her parents be dead a week later… it was too much for lumina. the first thing lumina felt in his life he did out of kindness without reward had turned to ruin without mercy. lumina had told arabella to follow him and his party back to camp that night, stating he didn’t see her parents yet, but hopefully they’ll find them through lying teeth.

lumina couldn’t bear to be around arabella, even as everyone else seemed to dote on her that night, aware of her parents passing. lumina went to the edge of camp, looking out at the surrounding quiet darkness. he felt a sinking in his stomach anytime he thought about that poor girl, her family, how he was hopeless in it all, idly playing with the matching set of wedding rings he had found on a long-gone pair of skeletons in the nearby graveyard.

he looked over at astarion, who was staring daggers at the back of his head. he never was one to mope, but here he was. “yeah, i know, mad i let her stay?” he puts up a dismissive hand and a weak defensive smile.

astarion crosses his arms, “why would you assume that? can’t i simply be worried about my helpful darling being all doom and gloom?” noticing the small frown taking over lumina’s face, he sighs, taking a seat on the ground next to him. “why didn’t you tell her the truth?” he says in a curious whisper.

lumina fidgets his hands in his pockets, feeling around the rings, reflexively tightening his jaw. “look at her, astarion. for gods sake.” his voice waivers, feeling the pressure sink into him. “i’m doing fucking everything i can right now, please, let her be blissfully unaware for a moment. i can’t do everything right.” he chokes out, his claws digging slightly into his own flesh.

astarion’s face becomes a nervous frown, “i would never- i would never ask you to do everything right. that’s not what i meant.” he instinctively moves closer, his hands inching to search for any physical way to release his lover’s pain. “i am worried about you, that is the main thing i’m worried about. you… you keep,” he rests his hand lumina’s hand. “hurting yourself. for others sake.”

he flashes a grimace before sinking it truly in, all this was getting to him, it was all too much to handle. what happened to selfish heartless lumina who left people dead on the streets? what happened to the backstabber that lied to make ends meet? why was seeing people dead and forgotten affecting him so badly? he can feel his throat tightening, as if he is going to cry, but only a pained groan comes out of his mouth. astarion looks at him in surprise, but there is undoubtedly empathy in those eyes.

“it’s… fine if you need to cry, dear.” it feels uncomfortable to say something he wouldn’t like hearing anyone say to him, but that’s all astarion knows how to say now. the out of place-ness of it makes lumina give a half smile. “that’s much better, more,” astarion gives a vague hand gesture with a disarming smile. “you.”

lumina rests his face on his hands, he could almost laugh from the strangeness and overwhelming emotional change. “fuck, that was stupid.” he peaks over at astarion with a uneasy smile. “it’s getting to me, being in this gloomy darkness.” he digs through his pockets, fishing out the wedding rings he found, roughly placing them in astarion’s palms. “throw these off a cliff or something.”

he eyes them, a small grin forming on his face. “hm, that idea seems more stupid than anything you said before.” he notices the magical aura around the rings. “i wasn’t planning on doing this so quickly, but you leave me no choice. give me your hand. i will not take no for an answer.” he says playfully. lumina’s eyes grow wide as he freezes up, “that’s,” he looks at him surprised, but puts his hand out on instinct.

astarion puts a ring around his pointer finger, “this isn’t, that, but, well.” lumina feels the magical connection between the rings as astarion puts his on.

lumina laughs loudly, and wholeheartedly, “oh my gods. i was so worked up in my own shit i didn’t even,” he fidgets with the ring. “warding spell? through the rings? pretty smart.”

“i want to protect you, like you protect me.” astarion clears his throat, feeling embarrassed he admitted that outright with no layered witty. “stop- feeling bad for yourself, the others miss you.” he quickly gets to his feet towards the camp, lumina following after with a grin.

[chaotic-super]

For Her Sake - Chapter 9

Read For Her Sake on AO3 here!

Since Lena accidentally fell into her lap, Kara has been able to finally relax a little, the tension broken in that one silly moment.

There’s no more awkwardness or uncertainty in their movements, both women are now significantly more relaxed knowing that they can laugh off anything that happens for the rest of the night.

Lena’s on her third glass of wine while Kara is just pouring her fourth, gently placing the rest of the bottle on the coffee table for when Lena wants her next refill. “My god, this is good stuff. “

“Probably, I can’t really tell the difference with wines.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could drink a seven-dollar bottle of wine just as quickly as a seven-thousand bottle of wine. I can’t taste the difference. It’s just wet and helps me relax.”

Kara snickers under her breath. “That’s what she said.”

Lena’s mouth drops open. “Did you just…? Oh god. Oh my god.” She breaks down into giggles fuelled by her relaxed wine brain.

Kara can’t keep her own laughter at bay. Her joke wasn’t that funny to begin with but with Lena cackling away, it suddenly feels like she should win an award for how funny it is and now she’s practically rolling on the couch in laughter.

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Lena grins at Kara over the top of her wine glass.

“Honestly, I can’t either.” Kara smiles back at her. “I think it’s obvious I don’t drink much that I’m this affected by a few glasses.”

Lena’s eyes soften from their previous rambunctious, joyous gleam. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing, it’s more of an issue if it’s the other way around. I’ve been trying to cut back on my drinking for years but haven’t had too much luck with it.”

“Why?” Kara tilts her head as she asks it, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Why do I drink so much or why haven’t I been able to cut back?”

“Both.”

Lena lets out a harsh sigh, one from the bottom of her chest where she stores away her darkest feelings. “I guess there’s no simple answer to either of those questions. There are a lot of factors that play into it and a lot more excuses as to why I allow myself to justify each and every one of those factors and how I let them have a hold over me.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t comfortable doing so, you know? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable for the sake of me and my nosiness.” Kara’s voice is soft and light as she gives Lena an out.

Lena shakes her head. “No, I’m alright, truly.” She takes a stuttering breath. “I started drinking as soon as my parents sent me to boarding school at seventeen, it started as my way to rebel against them and the overwhelming pressure they put on me to be the perfect daughter. After a while, it was just a way to cope, usually with the loneliness at the end of the day. My family are not good people, they backstab and lie and destroy anything that gets in their way. Nobody would dare be in my life because of that, even when I was just a teenager trying to make my way in the world, innocent of the actions of my family.”

“I had no idea, I’m sorry.” Kara knows what it’s like to have disappointment in the actions of her family. She’s felt it before, she’s lived it. “You don’t have much contact with them now, do you?”

“No, not anymore.” Lena’s lips curve into a sad smile. “Not much anyway, only that which I can’t avoid. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the effects of their actions though. To this day, if I want to be able to sleep at night I have to pay reparations to the victims of their deluded plans and backstabbing tendencies, my life is spent trying to get investors to trust me when they have already been screwed over by either my brother or mother in the past. Hell, some of them remember the shady things my father did back when he was alive too. The emotional weight of that is much worse than the physical effort I have to put into it. Sometimes, the only way I can let go of it is to have a drink or two at the end of the day.”

Kara nods slowly. “I might not fully understand it all, I don’t think anyone can unless they have lived through what you have, but I do get it as much as someone looking from the outside in can get it.”

Lena’s lips press together tightly, her emotions bubbling up and making her want to cry, something she’s desperate not to do. She already just dumped a load of her emotional baggage at Kara’s feet with no real explanation for why she did that. She never talks about any of this stuff so she’s not sure why she told Kara. “I appreciate that.

“Do you want to stop drinking?”

“Yes and no,” Lena answers honestly. “I have maybe two drinks every day. I know that it’s not a massive amount in the grand scheme of things but I would probably drink more if I wasn’t so tired that I fall asleep after those two, and that scares me. I don’t want to be dependent on anything, especially not alcohol. That’s what killed my father.”

Kara’s not sure if she’s overstepping and that makes her nervous. “Have you taken steps to try and quit or is that the hurdle you’re working on?”

“I’m scared to try.” The admission sits heavy in the air.

Kara leans over to put her glass on the table and scoots closer to where Lena’s curled up on the other side of the couch. She doesn’t say a word. She just slowly and tentatively wraps her arms around the brunette that is keeping her hands clenched into tight fists to stop them from shaking.

Lena tenses under the gentle embrace at first but she doesn’t pull away so Kara just keeps holding her, her touch light and comforting, pressing just enough that Lena can feel her presence but not so much that it stops her from being able to pull away at the first sign of Lena being uncomfortable.

The sign never comes though and they end up entwined in that embrace for several minutes, Kara only pulling back when the tension in her back from the way she’s hunched over to hug Lena becomes too much. She parts with a squeeze of Lena’s arm and a tiny smile.

As she settles back into her seat on the other side of the couch and grabs her glass again, she notices a slight red flush on Lena’s cheeks.

“Thank you, Kara. I needed that.”

“Hugs can’t solve every problem, but they start the process quite nicely.” Kara murmurs. “It’s ok to be afraid.”

“I’ll have to face my fears at some point,” Lena says, her shoulders dropping in resignation. “I might as well try now. I guess I’m just scared that without the drinks, I’ll just end up sitting in here alone and sad, I don’t really like the places my brain can go to under those circumstances.”

Kara’s heart rate skyrockets, panic making her eyes widen a fraction. “Lena, do you think about hurting yourself?”

The silence that follows is thick and smothering. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think about hurting my brother.”

“Oh.” Kara lets go of her panic.

Lena avoids Kara’s eyes, her gaze pinned on the window looking out over the city. “I don’t want to be a person that is fuelled by hate and revenge. Then I would be no better than my family, I would truly be one of them, a Luthor by nature as well as by name.”

“I’m suddenly realizing that my assumptions of you weren’t only misguided when we first met but that I was assuming things of you that I don’t think you could be guilty of doing if you tried.”

“What do you mean?”

Kara rejoices in the moment as Lena’s eyes meet hers again, the colour of which intrigue her to no end, the way they are green but take on a blueish tint in certain lights making her want to stare and stare and stare.

“I thought you were a heartless bitch, for the lack of a nicer term. I saw you as just another corporate asshole that only cares about making money and doesn’t care about anyone else or how much they are screwing them over. I don’t think you could hurt a fly and I certainly don’t think that you’re a heartless bitch now.”

Lena looks a little taken aback by the blunt words of Kara’s truth. “Oh, I didn’t realize I come off that way.”

“It’s not your model of corporate America that put that stereotype on every business owner. I’ve just never known anything about you so I grouped you under the umbrella of every other CEO that I’ve never met but heard terrible things about. I’m sorry for putting that stereotype on you, you didn’t deserve that.”  

Lena doesn’t really know how to respond to that because having someone actually be understanding and nice to her isn’t something that happens often and so she’s not particularly versed in the art of dealing with it when it happens or accepting it for what it is, selfless kindness.

She does the only thing she can think of, she leans into humour to get her out of what she sees to be a sticky situation, praying for the topic to change now. She might have been comfortable with talking about it earlier but she’s quickly growing more and more desperate to talk about something else, anything else.

“When you talk like that, I can almost forget you tried to kidnap me.” She says it with a smile and a little chuckle but Kara’s face drops and her heart sinks with it. The joke did not land.

Kara looks down in shame and embarrassment. She always felt guilty about what she did but there’s also always been a part of her that justified her actions, the part of her telling her that she was just doing what was best for her daughter and pushing away what trauma she caused Lena because Lori is her priority and that’s that. She’s ashamed that it’s taken Lena not only to help her but also for her to spend time with Lena and to talk to her properly to finally see her for who she is: a person. A person she neglected to treat as such.

“Lena, I can never apologize enough for what I did, or for the things I said to you that night. I excused everything I did and I even told you that I’d do it again given the chance. I was wrong to do that and I can’t even begin to make it up to you. I really am sorry.” Kara can’t bring herself to look at Lena. She can’t bring herself to look at her face and see the pain that Lena must be feeling be evident on her face.

Lena instantly feels guilty for her joke. She was trying to bring the mood up but instead ended up bringing it down and making Kara feel bad too, that wasn’t her goal and tonight was meant to be relaxing. Instead, it’s just been the pair of them trading a bunch of sad words while they sit on her couch that she’s used less than a dozen times since she bought it since she usually just hangs out in the kitchen in the hour she’s home before heading to bed.

“You don’t have to apologize, Kara.”

“That’s not true. I do have to apologize, I never acknowledged the trauma I was willing to put you through just to get ahead, instead, I made excuses and expected you to just accept them, all the while telling you that you’re the one with bad morals. It was really shitty of me.”

“I don’t think you’re shitty. I just think you’re a mother and to be a good one, sometimes you have to do selfish things. I don’t fault you, Kara. In fact, I really admire that about you.”

Kara shakes her head. “You shouldn’t. I tried to do something horrible to you.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Lena doesn’t let Kara continue on apologizing for something that she honestly would just rather forget about.

Kara nods.

“Are you here tonight because you feel guilty about what you tried to do, what you were lured into doing while in a vulnerable position yourself, or are you here because you want to be and we actually get along quite well?”

“Obviously the second one. I do think you’re kind of…ok.” Kara blushes, thinking back to her conversation with Alex when she admitted just an hour or two ago that she might have the tiniest of crushes on the CEO in front of her and trying to downplay it in her response. Instantly regretting her choice of adjective when she hears what her brain came up with.

Lena tries to suppress her smile. “Kind of ok?”

Kara shrugs, now bashful, “Anyone that can make my shy daughter fall asleep cuddled into their side gets that praise, everyone else is just meh.”

“Oh, so it’s high praise indeed?” Lena smiles toothily, happy to be reminded of the moment she woke up with Lori tucked into her, it was a moment that panicked her initially but makes her swoon to think about. She’s never really imagined herself a mother, never thought she could do a good enough job, but having a child tucked into her and feeling the way her little hands clutched at her clothes to keep her close made her long for it nonetheless, a yearning she’s never felt before.

“Most definitely.” Kara grins back at her.

“In that case, I should thank you…I think.” Lena looks over at Kara, amused and can’t help but let her eyes trace over her body, looking away quickly when she reaches Kara’s eyes again and realizes that she’s been caught.

After a moment, she dares to look back over at Kara again, only to find her now looking down at her phone. She types away a few times and a frown is now sat firmly on her brow. Lena panics, did she just make Kara so uncomfortable that she’s trying to find an exit strategy?

“Ms Grant is going to kill me tomorrow,” Kara says after a long minute.

“Why’s that?”

“I was meant to catch up on some work tonight, mostly scheduling stuff, I’ll probably be able to get a lot of it done if I head into work early enough tomorrow though so I’ll only get glared at for like, two days instead of a full week.” Kara shrugs.

Lena finds herself sporting a frown that matches the one that Kara was just displaying. “Did I drag you out when you were busy?”

Kara’s head is shaking in an instant. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s work that I should be paid overtime for anyway but always seems to go missing off my paycheque until I spend a week disputing it so it just saves me several hours of a headache in going through that again. I’ve been looking for a new job for months anyway, I’m just hoping that something will come by sooner or later.”

“They don’t pay you overtime?”

“They try not to, I end up having to fight with payroll every month because I always do extra hours they conveniently forget about and HR is kind of terrible at handling any of this stuff and they say that it must just be a mistake. There’s only a handful of people that go over their contracted hours so they just don’t pay us unless we fight them on it. They know that none of us make enough money for a lawyer to fight them so they don’t care too much about it.”

Lena looks stunned. “I had no idea there’s so much corruption in CatCo. Cat always seemed to be a pretty fair woman, I really didn’t expect this from her.”

Kara half-shrugs. “It’s not really Ms Grant, I know she’d fix it if I brought it up to her but she’s helped me quite a lot over the few years I’ve worked there, she’s been a real mentor to me in ways I didn’t know I needed and she’d be disappointed if I just ran to her every time I have a problem, I should be able to handle it myself.”

“I think you’re wrong about that, Kara. I think you should tell her what’s going on because there are people in her company that are putting her business at risk of being sued for wage theft, this isn’t something you can handle on your own and I get you don’t want to seem weak or unable to handle yourself but this is something you really need to talk to her about. It’s something I’d want my assistant to talk to me about.”

Kara stares down at her lap, contemplating her options and taking in Lena’s advice. “I suppose you’re right. I just can’t afford to lose my job over this. I’ve heard far too many horror stories about people getting fired for standing up for themselves like this and I have Lori to think of. I’ve always been able to get the money I’m owed eventually so I’ve never pushed it. I guess with Alex working now, I can afford to take the risk a little more.”

“Well, I think you should tell Cat and if any retaliation happens, I have a great lawyer on retainer I have no issues sending to back you up.” Lena finishes her glass and leans over to grab the bottle to refill it. She pauses as she started tipping the bottle, not letting any of the wine pour out of it. “Maybe it’s time we both take a leap of faith.”

She puts the bottle down and pushes the glass away.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Kara puts her glass down too, still half full. “I’m all about solidarity. Want to talk about something lighter now? We’ve kind of just fallen into a lot of heavy topics that kind of make my brain hurt.”

“That sounds amazing actually, want to watch something before we get you a cab home so you can get to work to handle your shit early tomorrow?”

“Yes, please, distract me from the upcoming storm,” Kara puffs out a breath to calm her a little, her heart racing from the very prospect of standing up for herself tomorrow.

-

A hand on Kara’s shoulder shakes her awake, startling her for a moment and making her flinch against her pillow. Her pillow that’s moving. Her pillow that is warm and tense beneath her face.

She forces her eyes open, half sitting up so she can see what’s wrong with the pillow she’s resting on.

Oh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” Kara’s eyes flit down to the thighs Kara just had her face resting on and unwinds her arms from around them, keenly aware of how she was practically holding Lena prisoner before.

Lena laughs quietly, looking down at her with a softness that Kara previously didn’t believe that a CEO could feel. “Don’t worry about it. The movie just finished and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up before that.”

“It’s a good job I’d already seen that movie a bunch of times before then, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised you fell asleep though, you looked exhausted.”

“Uh…thanks?”

Lena rushes to correct herself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that in a bad way, just that you looked a little tired.”

“None taken.” Kara laughs, rubbing at her eyes. “I am pretty tired. I should probably head home.”

Lena nods, a little sadly. “Right, I’ll order you an Uber.”

“You sure?”

“I invited you, I’ll make sure you get home safe, it’s only fair.”

“Thanks for having me, Lena. I really enjoyed tonight, and as heavy as some of our conversations were, I think they really helped put things into perspective for me, so thank you for that as well.”

The corners of Lena’s mouth turn up. “Thanks for listening to my rich person problems too.” She wiggles her eyebrows as she says it, making Kara laugh.

“We should do this again.”

“We should.”

-

Kara walks to her desk nervously, her purse clutched in her hands as she moves, trying not to psych herself out too much and trying to trust in Lena’s advice. She’s right, she’s got to fix this issue, not just for herself, but for the other people that could be missing out on money they have earned and deserve.

She drops her purse beneath her desk, sets aside the coffees she picked up on the way here and opens up her laptop, ready to distract herself with scheduling. She managed to get some of it done while eating her cereal with a cup of coffee this morning so she’s actually achieved more than she thought she would but there is still a little more to do.

“Kiera!” Kara’s blood runs cold as she hears Ms Grant’s voice from across the bullpen.

She races to her feet, grabs her tablet and pulls up the schedules she’s already completed. “Good morning, Ms Grant.”

“My office.”

Ms Grant walks right past her, or rather, struts. She delicately lowers herself into her chair behind her big, fancy desk and plonks her glasses on the end of her nose. “Kiera, where’s my coffee?”

Kara rushes back to her desk to get the coffees she forgot to pick up before she followed her boss into her office. “Sorry, Ms Grant, here you go.”

Cat takes it grumpily. “Please tell me the scheduling is done.”

“Most of it, Ms Grant, I have three days’ worth of schedules completed and I’m working on getting the rest finished now,” Kara says, her voice slightly timid, especially so in the wake of Ms Grant’s looming glare.

“I’m sure I pay you enough for the scheduling to be done, Kiera.” Ms Grant stares at her over the top of her black-framed glasses, her eyes piercing into Kara harshly.

Kara fights the urge to fidget beneath that look. “Um, Ms Grant, that’s actually something I need to talk to you about.”

“Kiera, do you seriously think now is the time to be asking for a pay rise? Right after you just informed me that you haven’t completed the work you were assigned?”

“Ms Grant, I’m not asking for a pay rise. There’s something else.”

“Well, spit it out then.” Cat slams her glasses off her face and onto the desk, frustrated not only by the conversation but by the pile of folders sitting on the corner of her desk that taunt her because she knows how much work she’s got to do. “I don’t have all day.”

Kara clears her throat. “For the past five months, I’ve had to dispute every single one of my paycheques because none of my overtime hours are being reimbursed unless I fight for them. I believe this is happening to quite a few people too.”

“Excuse me?”

“At first I thought it was just a mistake but as time went on and it kept happening, it became more obvious that it’s being done purposefully.” Kara further explains, her eyes pinned on Cat’s desk because she’s afraid to meet her eyes.

Kara only dares to look up when she sees Cat throw her face into her hands in frustration out of her peripheral vision. “What the fuck do those idiots think they’re playing at?” Cat storms to her feet and marches right past Kara, leaving her standing there awkwardly with Ms Grant now out of the room.

After a hesitant moment, Kara decides to follow her and quickly speed-walks in the direction of the payroll and HR floor, aware that Ms Grant is probably headed there.

She catches up with her just as she’s storming out of the elevator and she wobbles on her short heels from how quickly she just raced down the stairs.

“Ms Grant—”

She’s ignored, Cat’s eyes filled with fire as she storms into the office of the head of payroll.

“What in the fuck do you think you’re doing?” The door slams against the wall as she flings it open, startling the balding man sitting at his desk wearing a suit that is just way too big for his squirrelly stature.

He jumps to his feet. “Ms Grant, how can I help you?”

“Tell me, Mr Johnson, since when is corporate wage theft an acceptable practice?”

“I—I, never Ms Grant, it’s not…um—”

“No, it’s not, and yet here I am being informed that you’re withholding overtime pay from employees unless they put in a dispute. Tell me, how many employees don’t dispute their incorrect wages? How much money are you saving CatCo while ripping off the employees working hard for the company? How much money are you A) saving the company to try and get a bigger bonus, or B) directing into your own pocket directly from the employee’s paycheques, one of those employees being my very own assistant?”

He stutters and a noticeable sheen of sweat is beginning to coat his pale face. He swipes at his forehead with his sleeve. “Ms Grant, I believe there’s been some kind of misunderstanding.”

“I don’t believe so. I’m calling a meeting with HR immediately and if you aren’t there, I can more than assume that the accusations are true.” She turns on her heel and strides across the floor to the head of HR, knocking quickly and entering before she can be invited in. “I need a meeting immediately, make time for it, it starts in ten minutes.” With that, she turns on her heel once more and heads back for her elevator, dragging Kara with her with a soft grip on her wrist.

“Is there anything you need me to do, Ms Grant?” She asks.

“Cancel my meetings for today, I have a feeling that this is going to take a while. “Also, please, get hold of everyone you know to have had the same issue as you and inform them that they may be called into an impromptu meeting today and if they aren’t, the situation is still getting investigated.”

“Of course, Ms Grant.”

“And Kara?”

Kara is alarmed at the use of her actual name, something that really doesn’t happen very often. “Yes, Ms Grant.”

“You did the right thing coming to me with this, I just wish you had done so sooner.”

Kara ducks her head. She should have known Cat would handle it, she might be demanding and rude but she’s always been relatively fair when it comes to keeping her employees happy. “Sorry, I took so long, I thought I could handle it myself. It took me a while to realize it was becoming a pattern.”

Cat looks up at her, head tilted in confusion. “You’ve always been so good at noticing things, Kara, what’s happening that you’re so distracted?”

Kara sighs. “The meeting is soon, we better get you your coffee and then you can head back down there, I’ll go talk to the others. Maybe we can talk later when there’s more time? It’s a long story.”

“Ok.” Cat accepts her answer, maybe because of the time crunch or maybe because she can sense that Kara needs more time to think before she talks about what’s going on, either way, she dismisses it and instead gets back to focusing on the problem at hand, the weasel stealing money from employees.

Kara’s grateful that she doesn’t push. She doesn’t actually want to tell Cat anything about her personal life, especially not what she’s been going through the past few months, not the money issues, not Mike’s death, not Alex’s injuries and not about suddenly being a single mom. Cat already knows about Lori. Well, she knows she exists but that’s about it really, that’s all she needed to know. She’s only ever seen one picture of her, the one on Kara’s desk.

Kara’s not going to be able to avoid the conversation forever though, she’s going to have to come clean about her personal life and about the struggles she’s gone through, she just doesn’t want pity or guilt to change anything in her professional life, there have already been enough changes in her personal life and she would much prefer to have no sympathy and keep the consistency of her work life the same.

Cat breaks off to go and get her coffee while Kara sets off around the bullpen to find the other few people she knows have had their paycheques messed with and asks them to spread the word to anyone else that has had the same issues as them so they can be prepared and also makes a list of the names of the people she finds in case Ms Grant needs it.

It takes her a little while to do that, reschedule Ms Grant’s day and to also gossip with Winn about what’s going on because he’s nosy and with everything, he does for her to help out with Lori, what’s a little office gossip between friends?

She knocks on the door to the HR meeting room, tablet in hand and her list of names atop of it. Every head in the room turns to look at her but she pays them no mind, so forces herself not to, she just walks over to the head of the table where Cat has settled and pulls up a chair nearby, not at the table, just against the wall behind her, dropping the list of names on the table just to Ms Grant’s left before taking a seat, looking out at the table.

The head of HR stands just as she sits. “Ms Grant, this is a private matter, I don’t believe we should have your assistant in the—”

“Ms Danvers is welcome to stay, this may be a private matter but she’s directly involved and has basically all of the knowledge of the situation. That and I want her here so if you try and screw over the employees that were victims of Mr Johnson’s scheming and your either inadequacy or your partnership with him, I’m as of yet unsure of which it is, you will have to do it to the face of a woman who has suffered at your hands.” Ms Grant speaks up.

The head of HR, an older woman with a short grey bob that makes her look like she should be working in a library, and if she was a book, would be a leatherbound journal pulled from the depths of a pirate’s shipwreck, soggy and unreadable but was once probably quite beautiful, sits back down without a word.

“Now, we are going to go over a list of the known victims we have, but keep in mind, there’s probably a lot more here. It appears that we should also thank Ms Danvers for noting the positions of each of these people, people who all hold what can be viewed as no power in the company, easy victims.” Ms Grant goes on to read out the entire list, around thirty people when all is said and done.

Even Kara wasn’t aware that there were that many people that were preyed upon in the same way she was, as she was asking around she was having more and more people pointed out to her, people that had spoken to others that knew someone. In the end, she had to make sure to tell everyone to get the word out that people are to let her know if they have had issues so she can add to the list as the word spreads.

It's probably not great for the company that it’s spreading around the office like wildfire but this is a situation where the victims need to be helped and well, nobody specifically told Kara that she had to keep it a secret so she just…didn’t.”

She doesn’t regret it either.

-

The day is long, longer than any has felt in a while but it’s worth it when at the end of the day she gets to text Lena and thank her for the confidence boost she needed to bring her issues up to Ms Grant.

She sends a brief message explaining that she told Ms Grant this morning and is shocked when not five minutes later, she gets an incoming call.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Kara. I just saw your message, I’m so glad you went ahead and brought it up, I take it that the conversation went well?”

“You could say that.” Kara smiles into her phone as she makes her way to the bus stop on her way home. “I told her first thing this morning and we have spent all day with HR and the guy in charge of payroll trying to figure out what’s been going on. We ended up finding out the head of payroll and the head of HR are sleeping together and worked together to steal money from any employees that didn’t dispute their paycheques to pay for their divorce lawyers so they can divorce their spouses and be together.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the phone for a second before a disbelieving laugh rings clear as day down the line. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes, and that’s not even the best part. The dude in charge of payroll has just turned thirty-two and the head of HR is fifty-seven, that is, my friend, a twenty-five-year age gap.”

“Oh my god! And everyone involved is getting their money back?”

Kara nods despite being on the phone and gets a weird look as she waits for the bus to pull up, climbing on as soon as the doors open and showing her bus pass. “Yep, everyone will but they are doing an investigation first, one that will take a few weeks because they want to be thorough. Anyway, none of it would have happened if you hadn’t convinced me to talk to Ms Grant so thank you, Lena.”

“Not at all, I’m just glad it worked out for you. I have to get back to work but if I get a chance later I will text you and maybe you can fill me in on the details?”

“Sounds good.” Kara smiles. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”  Kara ends the call, a smile on her face as she does so and looks forward to getting home so she can hug her daughter and fill Alex in on her day, not forgetting that she also has to catch her up on her night with Lena too. They are going to have a good gossip session tonight and then tomorrow, she gets to go back to work while being in Ms Grant’s good graces for bringing the payroll issue to her attention.

There’s only one thing she’s got to deal with. She might have got away without telling Cat about her personal problems today but she’s not likely to avoid it tomorrow, she’s only got one night to figure out what she’s going to say to her.  

Read the next 3 chapters ahead of the curve on Patreon here!

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Hey hey! <3 I read a few of your writings (mostly bnha lol)And your writing style MMH *chefs kiss* This is SO SO DAMN embarrassing since it's my first time requesting. Anyways, can we get some more Monoma x reader follow up on those two previous stories or not. Maybe showing subtle affection? KSHDKDJDKDJ no pressure if decide not to mwah mwah ♡

Pairing: Monoma x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: Unwanted advances, no smut, unhealthy sado/maso relationship; cursing; fluff if you squint

Summary: You have a small misunderstanding with your not quite boyfriend, but luckily he decides to trust you. So, you should enjoy it while you can.

Notes: Part of the degradation requestions; both of which can be found on chapters 96 and 101 on my Ao3 collection book. Let's pray this shows up in the tags despite the links.

Enjoy, hon!

Part 1 || Part 2 😊

Monoma has never told you much about his life. After all, what did you need to know other than how to take his dick, according to him. But seeing as how lately he’s been practically demanding you come home with him almost every day after school, you expect him to at least loop you in on a few things, such as the fact he has an older brother, who seems absolutely shocked to find a stranger in the house.

You know he’s the older brother simply by how strikingly similar they look with the same shade of yellow hair and blue eyes, albeit the elder Monoma has a much more vibrant shade than the pale power blue you’re accustomed to. Along with his taller height, it makes enough of a difference to where you’d say he was the more handsome one between the two of them.

The older family member corners you in the back of the hallway, and you’re too scared to do anything other than shake as he asks who you are.

“Neito invited me over,” you explain timidly, refusing to make eye contact with the taller boy as he leans over you, inspecting your bashful face. “He had to step out, and I was waiting for him.”

“Oh, I know who you are.” There’s a sense of familiarity in his voice, chipper and smooth, that makes you calm down a little. “You’re Neito’s girlfriend, the one from the school.”

There’s a joy jumping in your chest at the idea that Monoma talks about you at home, but you quickly have to strike it dead by reminding yourself that Monoma has never once referred to your relationship as being anything other than physical. “I’m not his girlfriend. We’re…friends.”

“So, it’s like that,” and you’re so embarrassed that he figured it out so fast that you wish you could run away from his amused gaze. “Hey, princess, why don’t I keep you company until he gets back.”

You feel your face grow hot from being asked so directly by someone who isn’t your Monoma. “Oh, uhm, I don’t know,” you answer, nervously ruffling the hem of your school skirt in your fists, and suddenly you feel an uncomfortable uneasiness settle itself on your shoulders as he takes a step forward.

“We can play some video games in my room,” he offers. “Or would you rather go somewhere else?”

“I really can’t. Neito told me to wait for him in his room, so I should probably go back…”

“Why waste your time with him? He’s probably out screwing some other chick,” he interrupts, and it makes you pause. There’s an ache in your chest that doesn’t stop despite you trying to distract yourself with more pleasant thoughts of your time with him. You know that it wouldn’t be out the norm for Monoma to be seeing someone else, but even then you didn’t want to do anything that would make your lover mad at you. He might even tell you to go away for good if you did, and you didn’t want to risk the relationship, no matter how unconventional you had with him.

Suddenly, you’re brought out of your thoughts by a strong hand on your wrist. “Come on. I’ll treat you real nice if you be my friend instead, princess. What do you like—movies, sweets, clothes. I bet you like really expensive jewelry, yeah. I’d be happy to take you shopping. I bet you’d be really cute in some new clothes.”

You’re frozen stiff as he leans in to kiss you. This was happening way too quick for you, so much so that your mind is having a hard time keeping up with the conversation. It’s by the grace of lady luck that you’re interrupted by ear-grating screech, cracking through the house. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Ah, looks like we’ve been caught.”

“We?!” you screech in your head. You didn’t even do anything; but as his brother releases you, you can already tell Monoma doesn’t believe the same thing as you turn your attention to him. “It’s been fun talking to you, princess. Let me know what if you change your mind.”

You can’t focus too much on his offer as you’re too worried about the seething glare in your direction from your friend. And it’s two words that make you afraid all over again. “Come. Here.”

Obediently, you bring yourself to his side, only for him to drag you to his room so hard that you think the muscle in your arm might pull. As you enter his room, he slams the door behind the two of you with a curse. “I can’t stand that bastard,” he rants under his breath before turning his sights on you.

You feel guilty as he circles around you even if you didn’t do anything.

“Fuck. I leave for less than 30 minutes, and you’re already trying to whore yourself out to my brother,” Monoma begins, and you feel your heart sink to your stomach as he angrily rants at you. Normally, you’d be turned on by such predatory stalking but this it makes your chest ache. “I’m so sick of that bastard always trying to bogart my belongings. So, what did he offer you, huh?”

You squeak. “It wasn’t like that.”

“As if I haven’t heard that one before,” he growls out at you, and you slowly start to realize why he may not have mentioned his sibling to you. “Just when I really start to expect better of you, you prove yourself to be a filthy whore at each turn.”

“Monoma, please,” you try to explain, but it’s hard when your eyes start to swell up with tears.

“Crying isn’t going to get you out of this. You know that doesn’t work on me.”

“But I’m telling the truth. I-I was really scared, and I didn’t know what to do when he wouldn’t leave me alone.” You hiccup and bring your hands to rub at your eyes but all it accomplishes is you staining your blazer. “I’m not interested in dating anyone else,” you whimper, “I love you so much.”

“We’re not dating, you stupid girl,” he screams at you, and you sniffle, too busy crying to poke fun at his reddening cheeks. “So, you’re not interested in anyone but me?”

You nod frantically. “You’re, you’re the only one I like, Neito. It was a misunderstanding I swear,” and he sighs as you start to sob louder into your hands.

“Alright. Alright,” he comments, trying to shake off the overwhelming heat taking over his cheeks. “I guess I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since you’re claiming to be such a loyal little pet. So, straighten up your face, it’s ugly,” he demands, that familiar haughtiness blotting out his jealous tirade. You do your best to soak up your tears but it’s hard now that the gravity of the situation had time to settle in and makes you tremble, and Monoma sighs. “Here,” he states, rubbing his hand against your cheeks to help clean up the tears staining them. “Given the situation, let’s call it in for today. I’ll take you home.”

You’re shocked at his offer, accustomed to him sending you away after he was tired of hanging out with you. You’re even more shocked when he fixes the ruffled collar of your shirt.

You sniffle but you can still feel a smidge of happiness returning to you as he dusts off your shoulders. “Okay,” you agree.

“Okay?” Monoma huffs. “You can show more appreciation than that. I don’t give this kind of special treatment to just anyone.”

A sincere, thankful smile breaks through. “Thank you, Neito.”

Monoma scoffs lightly, avoiding eye contact with your soft gaze. “Just remember to walk behind me. I rather not have people get the wrong idea about us.”

“Yes, sir.”

[miredinmiddleearth]

Rings of Power, Ep. 1 Review

*Detailed rant ahead*

Fires of anger have awakened a sleeping account and driven me to post again. My love for Tolkien will not let me stay silent. If you enjoy the misery of others, read on for my thoughts on the first episode of this show.

1. First off, I have to say it: the release date. You can’t claim love and respect for Tolkien and release the premiere on the day of his death. Just feels wrong.

2. Two minutes in and I was already bored. Elf children bullying Galadriel? Who the freak cares?

3. The speech from Finrod about stones and ships and why one sinks is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard.

4. I’ll be fair. Cool visuals are cool. 

5. So you’re trying to make Galadriel strong and powerful by turning her into a warrior, yes? But then you make her an incompetent leader who has to be talked down to at every turn. Yes, I feel so empowered watching a previously god-smiting character who is now nothing more than a parkour expert.

6. The whole snowstorm scene makes me angry. One: the outfits. Two: heartless abandonment of comrade in a party of maybe seven people?! Three: THERE IS NO REASON TO NOT STOP FOR A SECOND. There is no rush! No danger of orcs or ticking clock. Galadrriel just says Nope! We leave you behind. Four: Three seconds later, the wind isn’t affecting any of them at all. Walking around just fine.

7. Soooooo booooored

8. Weird antler guys have no point.

9. Someone explain the Harfoot culture to me. Travelers? But kind of farmers? Migratory but stationary? I’m so unbelievably lost. 

10. At one point, I had to pause the episode to physically expel some anger. Elrond denied admittance to a council because it is for “Elf-lords only.” THE ACTUAL HECK?! Elrond, son of Earendil and Elwing, descendent of King Turgon and Beren and Luthien?! Descendent of MELIAN AND THINGOL.

ROYALTY ROYALTY ROYALTY ROYATLY AND MORE ROYALTY ON EVERY BRANCH OF HIS FAMILY TREE. THIS ELROND IS NOT PERMITTED TO ATTEND MATTERS OF ELF LORDS. ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?!?!

11. Closeness of Elrond and Galadrrriel made me uncomfortable. That is your mother-in-law, my dude. Many times in the episode I kept wanting to know, where the heck is Celeborn?

12. Not here for the elf aesthetic they’ve chosen. Plastic-looking laurels just not doing it for me. When are the elves gonna look like elves?

13. Passage across the sea is something an elf has to earn? Since when?!

14. More Elrond talking down to Galadrrrriel. My dude, do you know who she is?! I mean, to be fair, why would you? This show doesn’t know who she is, either.

15. Is it just me, or does healer woman’s costume feel oddly modern and revealing? Sidebar: don’t care about her story at all

16. Weird nitpick: Galadrrrrriel’s hair isn’t nearly mythological enough in its beauty. Tiny personal thing, but when everything else is garbage, I’m allowed to be petty.

17. She’s going to swim the entire ocean?!?!?!?! I can’t. I just can’t. Take this Galadrrrrrrrriel away from me.

And that’s episode one.

[aajjks]

“We’re sorry, but she’s already been cremated. Her family’s setting up for the funeral, so contact them if you can.

We honestly think he should be up for adoption. You claim that’s he’s working on his behavior and mental health, but both Y/n and CPS says otherwise. We haven’t brought it up to him only because his current condition is already bad without being around either of you, so we’ll wait until one of you is allow to visit the other. But here’s the letter.

‘Dear Jungkook,

I think… This will be the first time I’ll be admit ting this aloud. But I think it’s appropriate to say it now. For the first time in forever, I finally found my peace. I didn’t think it could happen, but it did. It all started with you.

Since the beginning, all my relationships went to shit. From being cheated on all the way to being abused physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. After all the turmoil, I vowed to myself, I was completely done. I was NOT going to allow myself to be hurt again by any man.

That’s when I started teaching; mainly because it was a way to keep my mind from reliving the trauma I endured. I didn’t think I’d be a teacher for long, but here I am 5 years later. Still in the little town that I call home– despite the negative memories it shares. Anyways, being a teacher for this long has brought me immense joy. Being surrounded by younglings makes me happy. While it keeps me busy, it also makes me appreciate life more seeing the smiles I could bring others when I couldn’t bring myself to smile for myself. It gave me a reason to live. That includes your son.

He’s brought so much energy and spunk to not only to my students, but to myself. He’s a very admirable, kind and thoughtful person. I hope he stays this way when he’s an adult. But sometimes… he slips up.

There have been times where I couldn’t pay attention to him and he’d suddenly get violent. Thankfully not towards me, but unfortunately, towards other students. He once stabbed a girl with a coloring pencil which resulted to almost ME being sued & seeing her at the hospital. Thankfully, I managed to escape a lawsuit, but that doesn’t excuse the other violent tendencies he’d share with other students.

But that’s just one minor thing compared to everything else I’m about to talk about.

Every conversation we’d have, you’d always talk about your “game” from your past sexual experiences. I am in my right to not tell you my personal business, but everytime you talked about it, it made me insecure, uncomfortable, and even question if loving you is even worth it. Do you realize how much you bosted yourself? It’s almost contradicting. Especially when you claim to regret having a fuckboy past–yet act like you have no problem doing it all over again, and forgetting about me. Were the times you harped on me being yours & being your son’s mother lies? Did you just say that to make me feel special? In that case, just call up your hoes & offer them to be his mothers instead. I’m sure they’d love to be in his and your life now.

Speaking of sex, were you always this perverted? You didn’t think I noticed the way you look at me and make suggested comments? Everytime we’re around eachother, you always have this aura about you; a look in your eyes that I can’t help but squirm under. And definitely not in a good way. While I might’ve found you attractive, you were definitely a pushy man. All those times you insisted seeing me or doing something as a favor, I couldn’t help but think you’d expect something in return.

So, I kept rejecting all your advances & hints. Maybe in another life we would’ve been together different history that wouldn’t affect how we see each other. But in this life with how things played out for both of us, I don’t think we would’ve been the healthy ideal couple you thought we could’ve been.

I hope you find the perfect wife & perfect mother figure your son deserves.

~ Goodbye,

Y/n L/n’

Um… yeah…”

“Are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding me… y-you had her cremated before I could see her? How fucking dare you! I’ll be contacting yns family, it’s only her sister that’s left in her family. Wow this is so cruel! I-I couldn’t even get to see her for the last time- no jeon seol is my child! I told you we’re trying our best, I can’t lose my son too- fuck I’ll go insane… yn…. Give me the letter- oh my…. Yn… felt so much about me and I wasn’t aware? I-I can’t believe this… yn loved me? She was… jealous and hurt.. oh my God I fucked up…. Fuck fuck FUCK…”

[noneuclideanwhimsy]

Snowdrop, Tulip and Violet for all of the Singularit+y members!

Corey is really interested in technology, she isn’t exactly an expert but she just likes to geek out about it, Zircon brings her to xir ship and points out what all the knobs and buttons do and she’s just like ‘:O’! She hates absolute silence, she calls it ‘dead air’, she needs something happening around her to function, preferably something interesting!

Sylvan likes when his art makes people smile, be it his music or his illustrations (he draws sometimes!). He’s had a bit of a rough life, his parents have been cast out from society for opposing the villainous government of this Earth and a lot of people still saw him as a social reject pre-Singulari+y for that reason, so all he’s ever wanted to do was play and sing for the other outcasts he grew up around and bring them joy, to which the rest of the band happily agree, so the reject towns get private concerts on the occasion! He hates being in the spotlight, however: he often stands out due to his gender-nonconformity which lead to some bad experiences in the center of attention in the past, and being center-stage still gives him really bad anxiety for that reason despite the fact that he’s now happy looking the way he does, long black hair, dresses and all. The rest of Singulari+y! respect this and allow him to perform slightly off to the side, so that he can be heard but never with the full focus of an audience on him.

Zircon loves physical affection, xe’s a really tactile person, xe’ll put xir hand on your shoulder and hug you often if you let xir, but xe does respect boundaries. Physical touch is seen as something very exciting and important among xir species, since they often travel alone and rarely get to do it to one another. Xe doesn’t like enclosed spaces, feeling ‘trapped’ makes xir really claustrophobic and nauseous, xir ship is mostly fine because xe’s familiar with it and it’s actually fairly spacious just for xir alone, but there’s a bit later on in the story where the villains briefly capture xir and trap xir in this glass tube for a bit, it’s super uncomfortable for xir, xe feels so relieved when Corey busts it open with a chair!

I’d show Corey an item of modern technology (Singulari+y!’s story takes place in 198X on an alternate version of Earth) just to see her excited reaction! I’d also like to go shopping with her, she has fantastic fashion sense, she’d love modern clothing (especially of various alt fashion movements!) it’d just be a really fun time for both of us!

I’d tell Sylvan about how things will turn out okay, on both his version of Earth and ours, because he’s overheard from his family what the government were doing and why they were resisting and is probably the most concerned about the state of Earth out of the group.

I’d infodump Zircon all about the funky human things that don’t really make much sense, possibly look up the histories of why we say and do certain things seemingly arbitrarily, xe’d be really eager about it and be glad to have a better understanding of humanity!

Ooh, these were tough, I’ve never done voiceclaims before, usually because I typically have a hyper-specific idea of what a character sounds like in my head and it becomes kinda frustrating when none of your ideas match but you also can’t really describe what would be different to make it match!

Anyway, Corey’s speaking voice is quite deep for an 18 year old girl, she usually speaks pretty slowly but the rate of her voice accelerates rapidly when she’s talking about her interests! I imagine she sounds something like the way YouTuber Yume’s Studio voices Marina from Splatoon, here’s an example of that!

Sylvan was a bit difficult to pinpoint and I still don’t have any examples in mind for how he talks, the way he sounds kinda has ‘older sibling’ vibes if you know what I mean, and he has an eeever so slight southern accent.

I’m done denying it, Zircon sounds like early 70s Bowie, but with the British-ness turned down a little in favor of the impossible to place accent I described that one time!

This was a lot of fun! Sorry it took so long, thank you so much for the ask!!

[llycaons]

to some extent the drama did erase the gray morality of the novel (making the wens more fantastically evil, making wwx not responsible for nightless, etc.) but what they did with jc was so much more interesting and I think it more than made up for the loss. novel jc is well-written and plays his role perfectly - the general plot threads are the same, but it seemed like in the novel he had always been crueler and more dismissive of wwx, criticizing him without any of the warmth of reconciliation and physical affection that would come immediately afterwards in the drama. the disintegration of their relationship with wwx was something I legitimately felt relief over because it truly did not feel right for wwx to be in that situation and I never felt like they were on the same page even in the best of times. even with the reveal at the very end and a few short paragraphs of jc being anguished in the finale, it wasn’t enough to really shake my perception of him as a dude who was whatever in his youth and then became really shitty. there wasn’t as much complexity to him compared to the drama

drama jc has issues, obviously, but due to some changes in the plot, some very sympathetic directing and acting choices, and the willingness to let him be very emotional onscreen, rather than disinterest over a guy who became shitty I more feel that he’s a deeply emotional person who underwent great loss in a truly unmanageable situation and handled it the best he was able to. and he was...bad. he was bad at it. he didn’t cope well. he failed. he turned his back on the people who had saved him. he stood by, however uncomfortably, as they were burned to death. he sunk into his anger and bitterness and became his worst self

but on the other hand...he never went as far as actually murdering the wens like in the novel, and the drama also emphasized how he clearly still cares deeply for his nephew in his own awkward, forceful way, and the grief of everything he’s lost just drives his actions and his emotions so much it’s hard not be moved by it even when he’s doing horrible things. but his actions don’t need to be excused to be understandable, and I don’t even think they need to be excused for him to be sympathetic - which is where both a lot of fans and haters I think go a little far in either direction - but it’s easy to see how directly they stem from influences that he had no control over or that weren’t his fault (his parents’ abuse/neglect, the manipulation of the sect leaders, his extreme youth, the war). and the drama just brings that pathos to the forefront much more effectively than I think the novel did, and I find him a much more interesting character with more complex relationships because of this core of hurt and misery so obvious within him. but the things he did to a miserable and powerless wwx were so damning and so extreme and and his personal flaws* are so numerous and so seemingly intractable that I just can’t help coming back to them time and again. he really does contain multitudes.

novel jc is just...even more extreme of a version, less nuanced, far more violent and vengeful, too far gone into his grief and anger. not showing nearly the closeness with wwx or the open vulnerability or the grief or the longing for family and for love that was so obvious in the drama. to me novel jc not someone who’s worth feeling sorry for, not really worth examining, and not someone who I would want anyone to rekindle a relationship with. he’s just...there. he serves a role and then leaves and he is not missed. he’s barely worth pitying, though it he is pitiful

I don’t actually dislike novel jc because I don’t feel very strongly about most novel characters, but if there’s one person who’s presented with more nuance in the drama than in the novel, it’s him

*immaturity, pride, aggression, cruelty, inability to control his anger, willingness to inflict suffering on his brother to satisfy his own feelings, a belief he has the right to torture his brother, general disrespect for others, very few ethical principles beyond protecting his own

[dearsnow]

Hey!! Can I please request a matchup with a male character from Genshin Impact? (Not a minor) Thank you!

Pronouns : she/her

Sexuality : straight

I'm a french girl, INTP & Cancer. I have dark brown hair, brown eyes & tan skin & I'm an average height. I have a casual style, I like to be confortable.

I'm a big introvert, I need time to open up to people but once you know me I can be quite mischievous & playful. I love teasing my friends & family!

People's 1st impression of me is that I'm intimidating or cold but I'm just very quiet & reserved. I prefer to listen instead of talking unless I'm interested by a subject, then I can be rambling because of my excitement.

I'm always overanalyzing everything, I like to understand everything & pay attention to the little details, if something doesn't make any sense it's going to stress me.

I'm very sarcastic, I always have a comeback ready at the tip of my tongue.

My biggest flaws are my pride & stubbornness.

I also tend to put some walls to protect myself, put some distance from anything personal & it can be a problem since I lost some friends because of it, they were saying I never shared anything personal about myself & anything very private but I'm just cautious.

My love language is acts of service (giving & receiving), I'm not very good at talking about my feelings & I think actions speak louder than words.

I studied philosophy at the university.

My hobbies :

• Poetry. Love reading poems & I'm trying to write some sometimes but I'm not good at it so I'm just sticking to reading them.

• Love writing in general, I'm often lost in my own thoughts so writing is a way to let things out, organize my thoughts, reflecting on myself or on certain subjects.

• Love cooking & baking, especially for my family. It makes me happy to see them appreciate my food!

• Love photography!! One of my favourite thing to do is taking pictures of the nature, landscapes, animals! I can just stop in the middle of the streets if I find something beautiful just to take a picture of it, trying to capture the beauty of it.

• I'd like to travel the world, I didn't had the opportunity yet but I hope it will happen in the future.

• Stargazing, I find it very relaxing & just beautiful. I love to spend my summer nights doing it.

My dislikes :

× Clingy people. I need my space & I can be easily annoyed if someone doesn't respect it.

× Alcohol, I just hate the taste or even the smell of it.

× Loud & crowd places, they make me uncomfortable.

× I'm not very fond of skinship, it has to be minimal & I don't like displaying affection in public.

I think I said the most important, I hope it's enough!! Thank you in advance if you're making mine request! Have a great day 🤗

YOUR STARS ALIGNED WITH…

Kaedehara Kazuha!

Request an appearance matchup for my 100 follower event ^^ limited slots available

- Kazuha is also an introvert who tends to tease those he’s close with, so you get along easily

- he’s very observant and will help you figure everything out when things just don’t make sense

- he can completely turn your sarcasm around with a few smooth words, possibly flustering you in the process. He’s a smooth man, what can I say?

- his love language is also acts of service!! He loves making you meals and cleaning up, and he loves it when you reciprocate similarly. He’s a big romantic and always does everything in his power to make you happy

- poetry and traveling are two things he’s experienced in. He loves writing sweet words to you and taking you to places so beautiful you can’t even believe they’re real

- he’s very independent and doesn’t cling to you too closely, which gives you a lot of freedom. He trusts you quite a bit

- he’s one for subtleties and tends to avoid many physical aspects of your relationship, especially in public. He definitely respects your boundaries, though he does think physical touch is good once and a while