#but sometimes i like to think about different themes or iterations with characters i already love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lord-jen-grey · 2 years

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Thanks for the question @dianaforever .

The answer is Yes! It’s on the more rare side, but it does happen. Off the top of my head, I’ve had major plot shifts while writing on about 6 occasions (out of 28 Outlander works on AO3). I’ll detail them below if you’re interested.

Most of my plots are so intricate, I can’t mess with them after I started posting because it would ruin the groundwork already laid down. But sometimes it’s inevitable.

I think you’ll see a pattern that most of these changes are character driven. I have a framework of who my faves are at their essence, and if my plans don’t fit that as well as I hoped, I end up having to change the story to what Jamie & Claire (and John) demand it to be.

It’s notable for me that I have plot, relationship, and character development outlined, but I do leave myself creative flexibility with how that plays out. Dialogue is usually pretty organic and not planned ahead.

Here are some examples of major changes to stories:

Journey of a Thousand Kisses - this story was meant to be fluffy sex when I first started writing it. I didn’t want much plot! But in writing ch 1, I had to explain Jamie’s scars, and I didn’t want to just repeat canon. So I had to ask myself, “What could I do to make it different?” At the same time, I was thinking about Pixar and Fleabag’s storytelling strategies, and decided on telling a story where it seemed like one thing 90% of the story, then BAM, here is an emotional punch that was set up from the beginning. So, I went back to the drawing board and outlined the plot as it sits today (all this was before posting the first chapter).

The Silver of Moonlight - The point of this story was that Claire was meant to be a source of love, support, and encouragement so that Jamie could finally accept his feelings for John, all the while recognizing her own love for John in the process. I had planned on Jamie being a bit more reluctant and for him to struggle even more with his internalized homophobia. When it got to the intimacy, it just felt right for Jamie be more decisive about the shift and not drag out his reluctance.

Fire Closest Kept - I wrote half this story before going back and making a massive change (thank God it wasn’t posted yet). The parts from Brianna’s POV were originally Willie’s parts! But I felt like Jamie needed to earn a Willie’s trust, and keeping him in the dark about their plans was contrary to that, so I changed a big chunk of the plot to make it Brianna.

On Our Lips, Begin & Tell - This was originally meant to be enemies to lovers, but the moment these two met, that was ruined 😂. Journey babes are madly in love immediately, no matter what iteration.

Lost in the Wind - There were 2 changes here. Bennet was supposed to show up a few chapters in, but I changed it to chapter 1 more impulsively. He was just too important to the plot to not be there from the beginning. The second is that Claire was supposed to be meaner to Jamie in the initial outline, but she wouldn’t let me write her that way. She was too insightful in seeing the contradictions of his behavior.

Like Petals Falling - This story had the more changes than anything I’ve ever written!! It was initially meant to be (idk) 15 chapters of a secret admirer fic, ending with a flash forward of them getting married 😂. It quickly turned into something more. The issue with this story was that the poetry elicited so much of my personal existential philosophy on life and pulled in many of my day to day experiences, so small moments became entire chapters full of significance (like the Mother’s Day chapter was written from my own emotional challenges in that day). Then when my grandmother was ill and dying, I began reading poetry about loss and life, setting Jamie down a path of grief with Brian. The story went from 15 chapters to 30 very quickly. Then 30 went to about 75 when I decided to expand the existential themes of the story to tell a lifelong journey of love between two people and their family and the Legacy they’ll leave behind. These were a few notes I jotted down shortly after losing my Nan 💙

#anon asks

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postgameroutesix · 1 year

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💕👗🍿💿 for the scooby ask meme!! :D

THANK U!!!

💕 - favorite relationship in the Gang?

fred + velmas friendship means SO much to me u have no idea like numero uno blowout beach bash is my best friend for what it did for them but its just how the crux of their relationship is how theyre able to relate to each other most - like while that element of relatability between them is obscured or more implicit in some iterations (sdmi for example) i think its SUCH an important facet of their relationship. they are two sides of the same coin u know. they bounce off of each other SO well whether its them putting their heads together or lightheartedly teasing the other. the whats new era + be cool did so much for the velma + fred bestie truthers

👗- favorite outfit(s) worn by the Gang?

tbh im a certified Fan of their outfits in frighthouse of a lighthouse + loch ness monster like theyre not the MOST different outfits in the world but i think theyre silly….loch ness monster more specifically actually bc we get bucket hat velma there

i also love like. all of their snow outfits like u cant go wrong with those tbh!!! be cool in particular has great subtle variation throughout which i enjoy. also also like EVERY scrappy outfit ever i do not care seeing them put him in these absolutely MINUSCULE outfits makes me tear up…..hes so baby….

🍿 - favorite movie?

AUGHHH its SO hard picking b/w my top 2 so ill say both: cyber chase + the sword and the scoob!!!!! the former i think while couldve benefitted from a larger cast i still love so mucb like it reads like such a love letter to the franchise to me its hard to articulate why i love it so much!!! it just makes me feel warm n sometimes thats all u need. wrt the latter i really really love the character + relationship writing in it!!! it feels so deeply GENUINE to me that i can even brush over one of my least fave aspects of the modern character writing (extreme skeptic velma) bc i have so much fun with it. like man when im watching this movie im kicking my feet througjout purely bc of the characters n their relationships….i dont even care about the mystery hugely though i think the idea of them being in a performance is cool i think it coulda been executed better (and they shouldve been in wales not england smh smh) but tbh whatever. the sword and the scoob is my best friend <333

📀 - favorite tv show?

SO HARD AGAIN BUT gotta be equally whats new, thirteen ghosts + be cool

whats new IS partly bc its the one from my childhood (even if i wasnt actually a scooby fan back then + was actually scared of it lol…can u imagine) but it radiates comfort for me. the theme song alone is to make me just feel purely happy u know….but anyway besides that i love the overall character writing in wsnd!!! its the last show we got with casey kasem + ill always love the snark he brought to shaggys character which is very apparent in this show. daphnes resourcefulness takes center stage which is always just super funny and endearing like girl i dont think thats supposed to work but <333 velma is portrayed as sarcastic but its never meanspirited like its made CLEAR how much she loves her friends. theyre just all so silly and love each other sooo much….

thirteen ghosts i havent actually finished yet BUT despite that its literally already at the top for me lol like firstly i love the premise - its a breakaway from the traditional scooby formula but honestly by the structuring of the episodes u wouldnt think so!!! that different take is executed VERY well imo. the cast of characters r all so very endearing like they r family…. ive always loved the decision to place daphne in a leadership role esp considering what its since engendered. flim flam is SUCH a little guy. hes a witty kid who gives great balance to the cast n his relationships w vincent + scrappy are SO!!! good honestly. vincent is funny like his entire predicament reminds me of thay thing like “found family but its a group of kids who adopt an old guy instead of the other way around” u get it….

be cool is absolutely the funniest scoobh show like no question AND its got great writing to boot!!! ive talked about character + relationship writing a lot and thats just bc thats what really makes or breaks scooby media for me lol. for be cool it BEYOND makes it!!! their dynamic is so well done like bro they r teens. they are stupid 18 year olds with thwir collective dog bestie travelling around the united states and shenanigans occur. there are so many be cool episodes just stuck to my brain bc of how genuinely great they are. and its a show where yeah its goofy and silly and comedic but it can alsp be sooo genuine i love it <333 be cool my absolute beloved

#MUCH 2 SAY #★: notif #★: sd #★: textbox

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orangejuicex3-mieoi · 2 years

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Hi hi! I really love all the character design stuff you’ve been doing lately and I was wondering if u could give me tips on like how to come up with ideas and how to find inspo for the different shapes, I always revert to super basic body shapes and dunno where to start with making more interesting concepts😭

Hmmm it’s kinda hard to like explain just with a short answer ykno? So if u wanna message me we can always talk on insta if u dm me!! ❤️ but I’ll try to answer my best rn!

Usually I struggle with coming up with ideas too so I think honestly sometimes using a character prompt generator can be just a fun way of stretching ur brain but usually I just pick a theme and then go on Pinterest and start looking for things that pull my eye! Or sometimes it can start just with 3 words and branching off from that like for example

Gothic aggressive assassin could be 3 random words ykno? And then from there it’s about ok what is this characters goals what are their fears? What would their outfit be to address their goals/fears etc!

And when it comes to different shapes it rly goes back to shape langauge in silhouettes so I’d go all the way back to silhouettes! It could be good to look at already made animations silhouettes and see what they do there are very easy reads like an upsidedown triangle is gonna feel weighted and stocky etc prob a strong character vs a circle body type character may read as more approachable, cozy, etc so it’s really just things like that. What design reads as what ykno?

Also it’s always good to start with a basic concept but to branch off from it that’s why iterations r so important ykno? there’s no like initial complex idea it only becomes complex for me at least after I spend hours planning around it

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eskawrites · 2 years

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you know what? I WILL be annoying. xoxoxo. 38, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 66, 80

<3 <3 <3

38. how many stories do you work on at one time?

the answer to this used to be 1, maybe 2 if i had an idea for something short come up while i was working on something longer. now there are apparently no rules, throw it all out the window, i've been cycling between 5-10 different stories for like a week and i'm starting to lose my mind

43. how did writing change you?

tbh i've been writing for as long as i can remember, so like, it definitely has changed me, but in the same way that growing up has changed me, or going to college, or coming out, or living on my own, or starting a career. in basically every stage of my life, up until and including right now, i can point to a dozen different ways that writing has helped me learn and grow in some capacity. but i guess if i had to choose one, probably that it's given me more confidence and really helped structure the way that i view myself and my goals

44. any writing advice you want to share?

well the most important thing is to make sure you're enjoying it. like, there's no point to writing--or being creative in any sense--if you're not getting any entertainment or catharsis or peace or whatever from it, why are you doing it?

but beyond that, i guess my advice for anyone who is serious about writing is to consume stories. i had a lot of college professors be like 'if you're not reading all the time you won't be a good writer' and like i get where they're coming from, but it applies to more than just reading. watch movies, play video games, listen to your friends gossip. the more you experience and think about stories in any format, the easier it is to apply what you like or don't like to your own writing style

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

um you, obviously. @dufrau is astonishing to me, every piece hits so perfectly and leaves me thinking about it for days. and @categorical-mouse because i genuinely think about it's just blood under the bridge like once a week, it's by far my favorite imagining of the group post-hawkins, and war correspondent nancy is one of the most heartbreaking and thrilling characterization i've ever seen

this is so hard there are so many though there's so much great work in this fandom

46. what time are you the most productive when it comes to writing?

any time that it's dark tbh. my prime used to be between 11pm and 2am, but having a normal adult job and a normal adult schedule doesn't allow for that as much as i'd like lol

47. what story are you most proud of?

this is always a toss up between raise dead and this story that we found ourselves in but it's gotta be this story, yeah? it took over my life for like 4 months, it turned into this massive, sprawling thing and i have a clearer grip on it, and that iteration of the characters, than i ever really imagined possible

66. when have you felt the most confident in your writing?

um so it genuinely might be when i was finishing the celebrity fake dating au. once i got to, like, 3/4s of the way through? i'd gotten through all the unknown parts and i knew exactly where the story was going, and anything that wasn't already planned out was just fun to write. it was great. i was sailing. there were so many lovely late nights where i'd just put on my playlist and write a bunch of soft ronance scenes, and in the morning i'd read it back over and just be so excited about the story. ugh. i miss it

80. do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc in your writing? if so, how do you go about it?

hmmm not really morals or anything, but i do try to write something meaningful in the sense of, like, female representation and gay representation. i tend to write the stories that i wish i could see, and especially the stories that i wish i'd had growing up. sometimes that leans into writing about messages or experiences that are really personal to the gay experience, or at least my gay experience. it's never super intentional, though, that just ends up being what i think is important to the story

#gosh this got so long oops #asks #candle-lion

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ordinaryschmuck · 2 years

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Does Comic Accuracy Matter?

It does, and it doesn't.

Personally, I think it all depends on what's being changed. Because there are some things that I believe should remain set in stone.

A character's powers, for instance, should never change. I mentioned this before when talking about Ms. Marvel's powers changing for the Disney+ show, but a hero's powers are their most recognizable feature. We recognize Flash as the hero faster than a bolt of lightning or how Spider-Man is a hero who swings around the city like a suburban Tarzan. If you change the powers, you might as well call them a different superhero.

The costumes should also remain as close to the comics as possible. I can understand making modern updates if a design is too silly or, in the case of the female heroes, too sexualized. But the costumes are still another thing that makes a hero recognizable. Can you imagine Batman without his cape and cowl or Iron Man in his iconic red and gold suit? It's pretty hard to do.

Lastly, there's a character's race and gender. Now, race-swapping and gender-swapping are...a discussion too convoluted for this post, but if it has to be done, something should be made clear: You can't make Black Panther white, and you can't make Wonder Woman a man. Just in case the moral questionability of those decisions isn't apparent, changing characters who were created notably to be African American and/or female goes against everything those characters represent and what their creator wanted to accomplish. Giving some random fictional white boy darker skin and a sex change for the well-intentioned sake of diversity is one thing, but doing it to the characters who are forms of diversity is taking too far a step backward.

Other than that, everything else can be...relatively changed, depending on the story.

A character's personality in the comics often changes depending on who's writing them. Daredevil can sometimes be a cocky smartass in some comic runs and a grim badass in others. The Joker can be cartoonishly insane to entertain audiences or realistically insane to terrify them. There is never one specific way a character acts, so if a writer wants to pick and choose which aspects of the superhero or villain to adapt or make their own unique personality, they can. It depends on the writer's intended tone or the story they want to tell.

Speaking of which, a character's story and arcs can change too. Especially considering their origins. Writers do this all the time to make the narrative more cohesive or to help it make sense for the characters. Bruce Banner may not have given Jen Walters a blood transfusion after a mafia hit in the MCU, but having her accidentally get his blood mixed into hers while saving him does work. It helps with the narrative and themes the writers want and makes more sense than Bruce risking blood, which he should already know is toxic, being injected into his cousin. And while The Riddler may not have had the exact origins in the comic that he did in The Batman, it is beneficial in forming a stronger arc for this new iteration of the character and creating a strong message about the difference between vengeance and justice.

The personalities and narratives of the characters can change, and it's even encouraged if a writer believes they can think up something better. But a character's appearance and powers should stay as close to the original as possible. You can modify some things, depending on what it is. But if an adaptation is all about bringing these iconic heroes and villains to life, the least a person could get as close to the source material as they can.

#comics #marvel comics #dc comics

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felassan · 4 years

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Jon Renish (Foundation Technical Director @ BioWare, working on DA4) recently did a Twitch stream where he played through some DAO. Although he works on DA, this is his first time playing through DAO. He’s playing through it looking at random details from a dev perspective as he’s currently working on DA4 and therefore wants to know more about the previous games.

On the stream he mentioned some tidbits on the development of DA4. There were also some insights and anecdotes about the development of DAO and similar. It’s a 3 hour stream so I collected them here in case that’s of use to anyone (for example not everyone can watch streams which don’t have subtitles/captions). The stream is a fun/interesting watch though, so if you’re curious or able to watch I recc doing so. 😊 The rest of this post is under a cut for length.

Please note that there’s some paraphrasing on my part, this is not a transcript. There are also some additions from another dev who featured on the stream to give some commentary. The stream also contains more snippets that at times I couldn’t make out (I tried my best!).

(There is a mention of Cullen’s VA in the text below.)

DA4

Jon said he can talk about things about DA4 that aren’t “consumer-facing”, but he can’t say anything about the game that would be consumer-facing but which isn’t already publicly available. There are several reasons for this. One, that’s not his job, there are people whose job this is and they let each other do their respective roles. Two, BW are a publicly-traded company, so if he said something that could affect that that would be insider trading. Three, they’re not done making DA4 yet, so if he said that they have added [x] to the game and people got all excited about that or pre-ordered on that basis, but [x] ended up being cut, people would be like ‘BioWare lied to us’, when it’s just that things changed during the course of development, as is often the case

He’s glad that fans are excited for the game but notes that fan expectations are always double-edged. It can be really tough as some people started ‘playing’ the game in their heads as soon as they heard of it. That’s fine, he loves that, but he hopes that peoples’ expectations don’t turn into requirements. Clearly BW have alluded to certain characters, like Solas, being in the game, but some fans say things like “If [say] Morrigan isn’t in the game, then, rahhh!” Y’know, there’s a lot of talk about how certain characters have to be in the game, and yeah.

On characters which are quantum (i.e. characters which can die or which can have similar end-states as death in previous games): their being quantum makes it really hard for the devs to work with those characters in subsequent games. The devs naturally aren’t going to put as much effort into characters which could have died previously. A character can have had an amazing appearance throughout/role in a previous game, but if there is a risk of something happening to them and of them being removed [effectively] from the plot, it just doesn’t make sense to have them as a major character in a subsequent game. If a character can, say, sacrifice themselves in some glorious ending, the devs have to make sure that if they use them again, in worldstates where the character didn’t do that, the character is kind of ‘muted’, as the devs don’t want to disrespect the players who made a different choice

A comment in chat expressed a wish for Shale in DA4. Jon’s response is that he has no idea on that front

Bugs don’t come out of crunch, they come out of development in general. Crunch does impact on the quality of a game though. In recent years BW are always really trying to reduce crunch, they’re currently working really hard to bring it down. The best way of doing that is by controlling scope. As creatives it’s tough to balance wanting to make great stuff and be industry-leading with the desire to constantly do extra passes over things they’ve created like the audio, art etc. Their biggest enemy is time, other ways of reducing crunch or time spent in general include iterating tools to make often-repeated processes as time-efficient as possible

I think the following was an observation on the industry in general as opposed to a BW-specific/-exclusive comment: he thinks that as a result of this sort of thing [working to reduce crunch], a lot of games are going to have to be smaller and a lot more focused in scope i.e. the devs will have to focus on hitting the key selling points of that particular game/series as hard as they can, and cut down on branching out sideways/wide on a bunch of random other stuff

Jon doesn’t personally engage in character creators in games, but he knows that for some players that expression is worth a lot of time and focus. BW want to be industry-leading in this kind of stuff as it’s something which is interesting/key/integral to their games

In a way BW have made their own nest of problems what with every DA game being so different to the previous one. Still, he notes that each game has a staunch fanbase that says that their particular favorite game is the best one in the series

He doesn’t want people who think that DA4 isn’t what they want to buy it and be upset - there are so many other great games out there! BW are going to make the game they’re going to make - if some people like it, that’s great, and if some people don’t, that’s cool. Sometimes waiting until reviews are out and/or really seeing beforehand if a game is something that you want [has things/features in it that you want] prior to getting it - as opposed to jumping right in or pre-ordering - is a good idea. Fans don’t always know what they want, but they do know what they like - these are 2 different things

He hopes that whatever they ship for DA4, people go “I enjoyed this experience”, and that then, if there’s additional content for it down the road, people can decide, “do I want this further content?”

On hair: BW are using the new hair technology in the latest version of the Frostbite engine, so they’ll see what they can do! This was said in response to a comment about the hair in the latest FIFA games (as EA make FIFA)

A comment in chat asked about a flying mechanic (griffons). Jon’s response is that flying is such a heavy gameplay mechanic that you can’t put it in a game without everything in the game being built about it (see Anthem)

Relating to the above comment, in DA4 mounted combat would be cool but then they’d have to make the game ‘around’ mounted combat and make the mounted combat feature meaningful

On the underwater concept art: it should not be interpreted as a promise of gameplay. BW have amazing artists who sit down for a couple weeks while they’re in early production and just draw loads and loads of all kinds of stuff. Concept art is like a moodboard or Pinterest board. Elsewhere in the stream he advised, take all the concept art together like a mosaic and ask, ‘what is the overall theme[s] here?’, and to zoom out from individual details. [This stuff echoes PW’s word on concept art]

BW don’t generally write things or the choices as bleak as the choices in DAO were anymore. This is a conscious choice on their part, they want their game to be fun [note: this was said when the side quest in Orzammar where the Warden has the option of convincing a dwarven mother to abandon her young baby to die was being played through. It seems to refer to intensively grimdark choices/beats of this kind]

I think this was more of a general comment on games: SSDs (solid state drives) mean that players will see shorter elevator rides (Mass Effect - was this a reference to the remaster?) and fewer switchback corridors (those are actually loading zones). Generally, these are going to change mechanically the time it takes to do stuff in games

The devs have lots of features on their backlog that they’d like to offer players but each will ofc involve implementation and subsequent maintenance, and each one that is chosen to add is being chosen over something else. And sometimes, it’s hard for them to tell if [x] feature or [y] feature would be better to add to the game

They’re about to work on a giant feature (a pure tooling feature, something that isn’t consumer-facing) that is probably going to take ~2 staff years of effort [I think “staff effort” includes multiple staff working concurrently, so 2 years of staff effort doesn’t = 2 years of time chronologically] to get done in the next few months. They’re investing all this effort across the people working on it because they don’t want their artists and designers etc to have to deal with the problem that it’s going to solve anymore. I’m not sure what this feature is but elsewhere in the stream they referred to tooling and automation and gave the example of, the better your tooling is, the fewer times you have to manually set the camera for a human vs elf vs dwarf position, for dynamically-generated [cinematic?] content and for the first pass to be automated (if this is the case, less time is spent/wasted on redoing it and manually touching it up) [see last bullet point in this section]

He doesn’t know how big DA4 is going to be but said “let’s ballpark and say like most games it’ll be somewhere between 70 and 100 GB”

If we kept our Wardens as the PC throughout all 3 games, at the end they would be so powerful that it’d be a bit like “Let’s just do [thing], I’ve killed gods before, whatever”. He thinks it’s good that they have fresh characters each time in DA in order to reset that power level. Some people want more Commander Shepard in the next Mass Effect and he feels like, ‘what else could you possibly want / what else could that character possibly do after 3 games?’

When asked how much freedom he/they have now to focus on next gen, he said that there’s actually almost no difference on that front. The problems never change. They now have better renderers, better ray-tracing, better graphics cards etc, but they have always made DA games for high- and low-spec PCs, so it’s actually about gameplay systems. The freedom isn’t power-based and them getting access to more cores and more RAM generally isn’t going to change how the games are played. The games still have to be made for hard drives on PC. Dev creativity matters more than power here. The challenge of building a BW game is more about/from managing loads of different plotstates, loads of different art pieces, etc

On the title situation (two): names are the last thing they worry about because names have to go through legal before being approved. Every name, including character names, has to be checked in case it’s a famous person, or associated with something bad, or offensive in a different language due to localization etc

They don’t do face scans of people with big beards

There was also a bit about changes/developments to/in the cinematic design process and associated tooling [?] but I found it too hard to follow sorry >< This bit of commentary begins at timestamp ~ 1:52:45 and continues til ~ 2:00:05 [keep listening through the bit where they pause for a cutscene]

General BW

There’s currently ~350 staff in Edmonton, ~200 in Austin and more elsewhere

He notes that DA games sell pretty well, but relative to EA games in general, they’re a drop in the bucket compared to FIFA

DAI

5% of players of DAI never created a character [Q: does this refer to people who just used the default appearances/presets with no editing, or people who only played multiplayer?]

The mounts don’t actually go faster than running, this is an illusion

I think they said it has 55,000 lines of dialogue. [I’m pretty sure I remember devs elsewhere saying it has 80,000 lines of dialogue]

One of the companions had to have their name changed during development because of legal/translation reasons. It sounds like the original name sounded too close to something offensive

DA2

Back when DA2 was internally code-named “Nug Storm”: this was at the beginning when it was pitched to the team on a set of slides. The image on the slide for that pitch had devil horns, a metal hand and no flesh, it was just made out of fire and flames

DAO

The engine DAO is made on is the third engine that they tried for it during development. [David Gaider has gone into the DAO engine stuff some on Summerfall’s series of DAO playthrough streams]

The cracks on the cracked eluvian asset are modelled after the crack on the Tardis in Doctor Who from around that time, as at the time some devs had been talking about Doctor Who a lot. A dev actually added this factoid to DAO’s entry on TV Tropes but someone else (evidently not a DA dev) came by and deleted it saying that it was too much of a stretch x)

Before the game had its name there was an HTML script that randomly generated possible titles for consideration, it adds verbs and nouns together e.g. “Grim Dark”. One of the craziest possibilities that it once generated that the devs always remember is "Bone Wind”

One of the portraits that’s used for decoration around the world in-game (it’s of a bearded human man) is actually of a specific BW staff member

He played through Stone Prisoner, where Wilhelm’s son Matthias gives exposition in the cellar. Matthias is voiced by GE and this had been pointed out to Jon earlier on. Jon: “I don’t think that character’s voice acting was super strong there”

On the in-game area towards the end of Stone Prisoner: Outdoor areas in games are large and one of the things needed for them is streaming, so different chunks can be ‘streamed in’. There’s a tower [?], and technically the top of the tower was made an outdoor level so that sky stuff could be there, though it didn’t really need to be. The person that made it an outdoor level chose the very smallest chunk size for the terrain mesh, which determines how fine of a streaming they do. So when playing, every time you moved like 4 meters, the game would stream out 50-100 chunks behind you and the same in front of you (this is the bubble around the player of what actually exists). Because it was so small, it was constantly thrashing the CPU and disc to do all the loading. The devs were like “this isn’t going to work”, but they barely had any time. The solution: they made a new level that was outdoor and copied all the sunlight and other settings, but with the largest chunk size. They copy-pasted the entire level from one to the other. The problem with that many chunks then is that there was a giant expanse of flat terrain sticking out of the middle of the tower. They didn’t know if the story was going to involve shots of the outside of the tower for this sequence or not, so they took the terrain deformation tool and bundled all the terrain vertices at the bottom of the tower in a giant clump. So to this day there’s a mess of vertices and twisted terrain at the bottom of the final level that probably no-one has ever seen [not sure though if this anecdote is in reference to a place in that DLC or somewhere elsewhere in the game?]

There were also some tidbits on Anthem, however I didn’t note them down (sorry).

If you think I misheard or misunderstood anything from this stream please let me know and I will edit/fix it. :)

(Thankyou to some of my friends who explained a tech detail from this to me.)

[source] <-- current rewatch link

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #dragon age #bioware #video games #greg ellis mention #morrigan #queen of my heart #solas #mass effect #anthem #next mass effect #i love these factoids and insights into game dev it's so interesting and fun #i actually started this post yesterday but 2 hours in I was so sleepy (it was mad late) so I called it a night

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lucky-sevens · 4 years

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is there any more info on jonny before he was mechanized? i feel like i remember something implying he was nicer before he was mechanized

first off, i want to apologize for taking so long on this ask! i have several pending in my inbox that i have not gotten to, and i’m very sorry for that! i haven’t even been that busy, just procrastinating- that said, i do have a lot going on, so this may be a constant until my workload decreases, which will probably be around winter break; unless i find myself another project to have to do). (timestamp for future reference: this post made november 25, 2020)

but now, let’s get into the analysis! i touch on what you’re asking here, but i have also taken the opportunity to do a full analysis of jonny’s backstory for future reference! (content warning for discussed transphobia, rest under cut)

addressing jonny having a good heart, he says in his crew bio ‘I’m told I had a good heart, but the Doc dealt with that after the whole patricide thing.‘ maki has talked about this more on the mechscord, implying that it referred to him being a good person (rather than a more literal take) and that mechanization directly corrupts morals (more on this in a potential upcoming meta). however, we do not know specifics on how his personality was different. that addressed, let’s continue with trying to figure out what exactly happened in jonny’s backstory.

jonny’s backstory is presented to us in one eyed jacks, however, in his crew bio linked above, he says he made it up. this is with the exception of him killing his father. in death to the mechanisms, there’s the ‘you’re projecting’ exchange, which is a fairly well known joke, but for people who haven’t seen death to the mechanisms-

[JONNY] I mean, in Oedipus’s defense, it’s harder than it looks not to end up in a, emotionally-charged narrative climax where you murder your father. It’s…

[ASHES] No it’s not.

[JONNY] Everyone thinks it’s so easy, “Oh, I’d never kill my father.” But sometimes, life happens.

[ASHES] Most people don’t kill their fathers.

[TIM] You’re projecting.

[JONNY] I…

[IVY] Again.

this piece of banter could definitely be considered evidence towards him actually doing so. in addition, maki has said on the mechscord regarding his backstory ‘the best lies always contain a grain of truth‘ and implied that a lot of it wasn’t a lie, including jonny’s original last name (vangelis).

he did make some of it up, though, and that opens up an interesting pathway of analysis. a very common theory i’ve seen is that one of his lies is about the existence of jack. jack and carmilla fill potentially very similar roles in the narrative, and there are some subtle echoes of each other, like the fact they both only have one eye. the theory proposes that carmilla was the one actually filling the role of jack, and convincing jonny to commit patricide.

there is a song other than one eyed jacks that is likely to have more truth to it. the dr carmilla song homesick is likely a retelling of both jonny and carmilla’s backstories. in fact, it was originally played as a duet between jonny and carmilla. i have no direct source on this, but keep in mind exhumed and {un}plugged, which has the album recording of homesick, is a solo album, with only carmilla on both voice and instrumentals, and there’s actually an echoing voice effect to make it sound more like the recorded duet between carmilla and jonny (which can be found here). the other live gig where carmilla performs it on her own, lashings, jonny is absent, and the toy soldier performs rose red solo as well. as discussed, jonny killing his father is the part of his backstory that i believe can be trusted, and well, homesick has the lyric ‘dear father, i’ve come to kill you’. it also feels more like the truth than one eyed jacks, which is trope-y and sanitized in a way that feels like jonny d’ville wrote it.

from there, further analysis can be done of the lyrics in the context of them referring to jonny. an interesting aspect is that the duet has slightly differently lyrics, and dialogue in character after the song. quoting directly, jonny, likely taking the role of carmilla’s father, says “Get out of my house, never darken my doorway again. I have no daughter. Do what you’re gonna do, son. You’re a disgrace.” the easiest way to interpret this is carmilla being kicked out for being transgender, which has further support in that maki herself is a trans woman and that this iteration of homesick was performed at transpose london. there has actually been a very interesting book about trans culture published that discusses doctor carmilla and the themes thereof.

but i digress- from the perspective of analyzing jonny’s backstory, ‘do what you’re gonna do, son’ echoes the portion of one eyed jacks to the tune of ‘house of the rising sun’, where jonny kills his father. locke’s opinion on this is that billy vangelis is attempting to convince jonny out of killing him, flipping between approaches. (this also implies that jonny is a trans man!) the other change in this duet is that there’s an additional verse about their mothers (again, likely being a line that could apply to both jonny’s mother and carmilla’s), but not very much analysis has been done on this.

viewing the rest of homesick in this lens, it implies that everything in that song also applies to jonny. carmilla’s mother, siblings, and ‘lover’ (loreli) are all mentioned and discussed, and those could also be similar figures in jonny’s life. locke has suggested that ‘dear brother’ and ‘dear lover’ could be referring to the same person for jonny; a very close friend/boyfriend. xe has also conducted further analysis on what the song could mean, and formed headcanons based on that; for the sake of objectivity, and the sake of not making this meta stretch longer than it already is, i won’t go into them, but if you’re on the mechscord and you search ‘homesick from:jenn-locke#4349 in:sad-mechs-hours′ her thoughts are fairly easy to find, and xe is considering writing something up eventually, which i will link if it’s completed.

in conclusion, one eyed jacks has some truth to it, but homesick by dr carmilla is likely the most accurate picture of jonny’s backstory.

#the mechanisms #the mechs #jonny d'ville #my posts #anon #meta #dr carmilla

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imanes · 3 years

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Hello! You mentioned reading Piranesi a few months ago and I finally got around to reading it and I love it so much - thank you for the lovely recommendation <3 If you don't mind can you talk a little about what you loved about the book (I love hearing your thoughts)? Also have you read Jorge Luis Borges' Ficciones (I believe it inspired Piranesi)?

HELLO my friend!! first of all tysm for taking the recommendation, I'm so happy it worked for you! honestly what do I NOT love about this book? it's hard to wrap my thoughts about piranesi because it was such a lovely reading experience which i honestly need to repeat ASAP because the layers to explore in piranesi are so numerous. secondly let me admit that i haven't read any borges yet BUT he's definitely on my radar and I've been looking for his books on my used bookstore runs since i read piranesi, not to much avail unfortunately but i added ficciones to my tbr for reminder!!

anyways I'm gonna stop right here for anyone who has not read piranesi yet because i think you'd benefit from going into it not knowing much except that it's told in vignettes and that it has elements of mystery which become more and more central to the plot as we advance and unravel the world that piranesi lives in. so don't keep reading past this if u haven't read piranesi yet! i did keep it spoiler-free though so no pressure. also putting everything under a read more bc i truly was obnoxiously verbose adlkjglsjk if it didn't work my apologies 4 it

NOW let's talk about what i loved about the book which honestly will probably just be a flimsy overview bc again i think a re-read would make what i love about it more salient and richer but i guess we can already have a start here!

first of all, the character of piranesi. when i first started the book and immersed myself in his inner voice, i was kind of thinking ok there must be a reason as to why he is so incredibly wholesome but also with an extremely sharp mind and immaculate observation skills. the childlike wonder of his perspective was an absolute joy to read from but also provided some tension because i think pretty early on you catch that he might be a bit of an unreliable character and that what he tells you may not match the reality of what his experiences and observations mean to the reader. you're very much the prisoner of his limited perception, his sometimes bizarre but always delightful thought process, and also again the childlike wonder with which he observes the world and which makes everything carry so much more weight w/o resorting to pompous/pretentious gravitas. a statue isn't just a statue to him, it is the Statue, something important in and of itself, with its own story/mythos and it harkens back to a child's point of view which hasn't yet been shaped by the world and therefore isn't as limited as our jaded adults' minds, even though he is an adult himself, which is apparent in his very keen mind.

then we have the form, with the novel being told in vignettes. i personally really like novels such as these because they feel a lot more personal but also propels the story forward. I'm not a fan of huge chapters tbh because my attention span is trash lmao. it was so easy to immerse myself in his world because the writing was so vivid and honestly made me reevaluate a lot about myself adjdjslg. I'm not much of a quote person but "the Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" lives rent-free in my mind because 1. it appears at two key points in the novel and both iterations echo the other brilliantly in their respective context and thus add even more meaning to the quote and 2. i think it's a beautiful metaphor for the world we live in, which leads me to the next point

what i mostly clung to during my reading experience was the theme of confinement to a specific physical space, which can feel suffocating and limited. susanna clarke suffers from a chronic illness that has kept her within the confines of her home for many years and this book very much reflects that. from my personal experience with that theme, i was less reminded of how thematically relevant it was in the middle of a pandemic, and more about how much goodness there is still in this world at a time where everything seems so bleak, and unkind. i myself suffer from an ugly case of chronic cynicism which i think is very unappealing lmao but at least I'm self-aware! being reminded that we live in a world where kindness is indeed infinite in the smallest and biggest of ways is the balm that my shriveled soul truly needed. i guess it's my emotional support quote lmao.

then we have the setting of the book which, while limited spatially, is also so full of wonderful things and imaginative configurations that i was just in awe of everything that was being done with it. the plot is closely tied to the setting and i really want to keep this spoiler-free (just in case) so I'm not going to delve too deeply into it but i'd love to visit this place and have piranesi guide me through the labyrinth of the House and the many wonders (and tragedies) that it holds.

finally we have the MYSTERY and omg i love picking up the clues and kind of forming my own theories along the way bc it truly isn't an in-your-face mystery like a thriller would be. we buddy-read this with some ppl from the book club so the experience of sharing our theories made it all the more pleasant. i really loved how clarke presented the many mysteries of the story in such a subtle yet gripping manner that soon i was just obsessed with knowing who was whom and what they wanted from piranesi and who piranesi was and how this all came to be. all the different players felt fully fleshed out and made me feel veeeery strongly (i.e. i wanted to kill some of them like literally daydreaming about choking them to death... not to sound unhinged or anything). they provided such good foils to piranesi's inherent goodness and all that they lacked in terms of decency. their shamelessness and infinite greed and how they see piranesi as a pawn to use set my teeth on edge so i was just biding my time for the karmic retribution that they'd get akjdlkgj also great exploration of how ambition can be the downfall of mankind

then we have all the clever-people-themes of neoclassicism and philosophy and plato's cave and whatnot and it's not what held my attention so i can't speak much on it bc I'm not one of those clever people who picked upon these themes LMAO but I'll for sure spend more time unpacking these layers on my re-read of this book because there are so many smart ideas hidden in the nooks and crannies of this story that i think you could get something different from each read, kind of like i feel about pride & prejudice by jane austen which offers me new delights to enjoy upon each re-read.

honestly i have so much more to say about how religion is handled, the rituals surrounding grief and their importance in the celebration and respect of of life, birds being amazing creatures, identity and how it can create contradictions etc etc but at this point i might as well just write a college essay on literally every theme explored in this book because it was just SO GOOD! thank u piranesi for me life

tl;dr this book made me feel like my brain was buried in a thick coat of dust and let some much-needed air in

#also i read this message at like 6am and thought long and hard about it #and then started crying bc i'd die and kill for piranesi period

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amachja-moved · 4 years

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SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: I don’t typically tend to have OTPs that are not canon; I don’t spontaneously ship characters on a show that are not an actual canon pairing, even less so when there is no sign of them being the possibility of a pairing. I would say there are fandom-made ships whose aesthetics and possible dynamics I gravitate towards, or that I can see making sense, more than proper OTPs (because part of me also appreciates seeing platonic relationships, blame my lil aroace heart that doesn’t see enough well-developed, important friendships, for instance - doesn’t stop me from loving fanarts and pairings I stumble upon or am introduced to, like Mikasasha or Berusasha!). For Sasha specifically, Sasha & Niccolo is the main one, precisely because it is canon and makes complete sense - there really is no better match for Sasha than a cook, and the fact that he is a Marleyan doubles down on the Braus’ themes of tolerance and open-mindedness. And of course, I have my ultimate BROTPs, namely the trio Sasha & Connie & Jean, and Mikasa & Sasha & Historia. Bffs and roommates Sasha & Mikasa. And since the train track episode, Sasha & Armin.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: Pretty much anything goes! Except non-consensual stuff, abuse, things such as incest, paedophilia etc - nobody can ever convince me to include that in any ship whatsoever. I rp to have a good time and be full of feels, I love me a good angst, but those things I would not consider good angst. What I’m willing to rp includes pretty much anything else: fluffy ships, angsty ships, soft ships, tragedy, fun stuff, evolution from friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and all and any nuance that we can think of. I like variety in my ships! And I like to go deep into the development, so the upside is, if you choose to ship with me, you will always have a partner willing to discuss the relationship at length and imagine all the details of it all, and start ten different threads (note that this goes with platonic ships too - friendships, family, etc). The possible downside you may find, depending on your own preferences, is that it takes me a little while to find my footing, and I like to put in the time to find the right tone so that the ship doesn’t just... jump out of the blue, if that makes sense? And sometimes I wonder if it may deter people or make them think I’m not as enthusiastic or involved in the ship, when in reality it’s the opposite. Shipping on tumblr also feels very different from my experience of shipping on a forum, where it’s all about long-term development and commitment, and where I’ve had the same three ship partners for three years now, so maybe I need to adjust to the more ephemeral format of tumblr too. (what do you mean I completely derailed from the original question?)

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: I absolutely will not rp a ship where one character is a minor and the other is not. When it comes to AoT, I also will not ship Sasha with anyone who is already an adult when she is still a Cadet, including post-timeskip - for instance, I will not ship Sasha with a Levi, even when she is an adult. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: Aye I am. I’ve never shipped a lot (I’m pretty sure this blog is where I’ve shipped the most, ever), partly due to being selective, partly due to not necessarily being very good at understanding the tumblr shipping etiquette because I’m a wee bit of a simpleton. But basically, I will not ship unless I have talked ooc with the mun of the other muse, and we’ve had a few interactions pointing towards compatibility of writing styles and personalities. I just want to get along with the people I ship with and enjoy their writing, and hopefully that they enjoy my writing too and want to interact regularly too! (what’s the point in shipping, otherwise) (or interacting at all, for that matter!)

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?: Eeeeeeh clothes go off and/or mentions are made of what happens below the belt? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ time to whip out that nsfw tag. WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?: As of the writing of this post, Sasha is shipped with free-us‘s Niccolo, gerichteter‘s Bertholdt, and libartes‘ Porco (you should check out their blogs, they’re awesome muns and muses). All three are very different ships in nature, which is always my main concern when shipping with multiple muses, so I am very grateful to them for writing those stories with me, building these relationships, and exploring very different dynamics that I find super compelling to write! DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: Yes please, though I believe this has become common standard in the rp community, so, yay! HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: I love shipping, but I would rather have fewer ships that I have the chance to explore and develop in depth, through ooc talk and ic interactions and threads, than have many ships and not get to write them or very little. The interest of a ship, for me, lies in development. I also need balance with other kinds of ships (friendships etc), so all of you out there writing intricate friendships and other relationships with me, know that you have my love and gratitude and that you keep this blog going and my heart happy. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: See answer above. I don’t know that I’m ship-obsessed, but I would say I’m ship-committed (good lord I hope I’m not scaring anyone away with this). And that goes for all kinds of relationships, not just romance! I’m always happy to trade headcanons and tailor our muses’ relationships, regardless of nature, so that it feels unique and can develop over time. Or just gush about our characters because if we’re threading/interacting, it means that I love them. (also platonic ships are awesome) ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: Yessir I am - though I do tend to ship with only one iteration of any given muse, because of my preference for variety I already touched upon. I don’t know that I would be interested in shipping with another Bertholdt as long as I’m shipping with Lani’s, for instance. Just a preference on my end, that absolutely does not constitute a requirement for my shipping partners - unless of course we decide to be exclusives, but that’s a different matter of etiquette.

WHAT IS ( ARE ) YOUR FAVORITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: Aaaaahfgdh Sasha & Niccolo, Reiner & Bertholdt (yeah, remember what I said about not shipping pairings that are not official? They’re the exception), Annie & Armin. Also Reiner & a good therapist, this man needs help.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: Write with me, see if you like what you read, and shoot me a message so that we can discuss it :)

TAGGED BY: a friend on a different platform! TAGGING: if you want to do it, say I tagged you!

#ooc; potato mun #i've had this in my drafts for a week and completely forgot about it oops #this is a lot of fun to think about #and the questions are geared towards romantic ships but pretty much everything i say there applies to friendships and other relationships to #i guess i just really like character development mate

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the-final-sif · 4 years

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interview about writing processes

Hey Lady Sif,

thank you for taking time for us and agreeing to answer our interview questions.

Since this was of short notice we decided to change the deadline to June 19.

We hope the time frame suits you.

Here are our questions:

Can you shortly describe us your writing history? How did you start off? How did you come across fanfiction?

Do you have a writing philosophy that helps you overcome challenges in writing?

Could you describe your writing environment? (workplace, prefered writing tools, fandom discourse, discourse with friends)

What inspires you to write and post in and for a fandom? What triggers your headcanons? Does your educational background influence your writing?

In how far does your fandom experience influence your writing?

In how far do you work with others to create fan content? And what ideas do you integrate in your writing?

Are there certain steps you take/decisions you make when/before responding to a post/prompt?

When and why did you decide to host writing events like your fake fics event? What was the purpose and how did you approach the title prompts?

How would you describe the difference between writing alone and writing spontaneously with others (first in creating fan theories and headcanons and second in creating fanfiction)?

Do you think knowing that others read and can comment on your texts subconsciously influences your writing?

What motivated you to create a story where your readers can decide for an ending (name)?

Is there anything else you consider important in your writing process that you would like to tell us?

Thanks again for your time and effort, we are very much looking forward to your answers!

If you’re interested we’ll keep you updated on our findings.

Kind regards, Dana and Helena

----

Can you shortly describe us your writing history? How did you start off? How did you come across fanfiction?

I started writing when I was very young! I was a huge reader, and even before I was writing stuff down I was a storyteller. It’s a really important part of my family & how we communicate with each others and others.

My first experience with fanfiction was when I was,, 7 or 8? That sounds about right. I hand wrote a fanfiction called “ShoppingCats” which something between warrior cats and Cats vs Dogs, but also made primarily of my OCs (+ a handful of warriors characters I liked). I still have most of it, it’s sitting in my desk drawer in it’s original binder, since my mother saved it.

I came across fandom spaces / online fanfiction in 2012 with fanfiction.net, and published my first fanfiction in 2013 (under Rosae-Sif on fanfiction.net). I’ve taken breaks as my interests changed & life got chaotic, but I’ve always enjoyed retelling stories that I hear and changing them to suit me more / explore new themes, so I’ve stuck with it after all this time.

Do you have a writing philosophy that helps you overcome challenges in writing?

Yes! I write for myself above all else. It’s fun to write stuff for other people sometimes, and I like getting feedback and what not, but I never let that be the focus of my writing. I always try to write what I want to be reading, so when I go back and reread what I’ve written, more often than not I find I’ve produced something that makes me happy, and that helps keep me going when a lot of other things couldn’t.

Could you describe your writing environment? (workplace, prefered writing tools, fandom discourse, discourse with friends)

Uhhh, I don’t really have any one set thing. I mostly write on my laptop, sometimes I use a notebook + pen. I have 5$ fountain pen that I got that I really love when I have writer’s block.

I think the most consistent “workplace” for me is actually discord/my friends. Almost all of my AUs/fics/ideas start as me storytelling (either typing things out or out loud) to someone else. That’s where the spark comes from, and then that slowly is refined through several iterations until I have something I like.

I really like taking long walks with headphones & nobody else around. That’s when a lot of the very early forms of my favorite ideas come to me. It’s a key part of my writing process the few times I get stuck on stuff too. I just go walk till I figure it out.

I don’t really get involved in discourse much. I like debating people, but I try to stay away from destructive stuff and just have my own fun corner where I create things. I’m in fandom for fun, and I refuse to let me experience be tainted by people who try to turn it into Discourse Central.

What inspires you to write and post in and for a fandom? What triggers your headcanons? Does your educational background influence your writing?

As I mentioned before, I write and post primarily for myself! I have a lot of ideas in my head all the time, and things I want to see, so I create those things and then put them here. It’s fun when other people interact with me + add onto my ideas + create things in response!

My headcanons are usually just kinda,,,, coming out of my brain. I think it’s just how I am. I have a question or a thought and I start looking into it and before I know it, a whole new thing has come out of it.

I think my family actually influenced a lot of my writing style more than anything else. I mean, I was homeschooled for a long time, and my parents were very encouraging of whatever weird projects I was creating (my dad once even let me cut down and drag actual brambles into the basement to create a warriors style fort). I was allowed to dress however I wanted (during high school I worn nothing but PJ pants b/c they were most comfy for me, and also I had/have several capes that I would rotate through), I was allowed to dye my hair (still do! it’s current a side shave in red + purple + blue!), and I was encouraged to just,,, be weird and happy. I think that shows in how I write. I pursue the ideas I want to go after, I indulge myself, I commit to thinks and I focus more on what I want to write rather than what I feel I should write.

That being said, a lot of science nerding that comes out in my writing is def from my educational background. I’ve got a bachelors and stuff. I did take some writing classes, but to be honest, I think my fanfiction experience influenced those a lot more than they influenced my fanfiction (years and years of writing constantly and quickly paid off in college where I would BS papers the night before and get top marks on it).

In how far does your fandom experience influence your writing?

Hmm, I don’t think it does that much? I mean, for the BNHA fandom in particular, I think that seeing all the cool content + ideas other people create really keeps my brain chugging along and creating new things, and god, having seen people make fanart and fanfiction for my stories has been one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced, but I don’t think that’s really changed how I’m writing.

At my core, I’m still doing the same thing my 8 year old self was doing with her pencil and that binder full of paper. I take the strange thoughts out of my head, and I follow them onto the paper until I create something that makes me happy.

I’ve had some negative experiences of course. I mean, everyone does. They’ve all been fairly minor, mostly just people trying to tell me I’m wrong about stuff that’s either in an AU that’s already not supposed to be canon, or stuff I’m right about. Most of the time it’s just annoying. Sometimes it’s concerning. I ignore or delete the annoying stuff, I don’t want to give it any of my time or attention.

The concerning stuff I try to reply to. It’s been rare, but sometimes I get comments on certain fics trying to tell me what’s being depicted in my fic isn’t abusive when it absolutely is. I try to correct that and link to resources when I do get that. I usually don’t get a reply, but a few times I’ve had people realize that what they thought was normal was actually abusive behavior. I’m happy that I’m able to help people come to that realization.

In how far do you work with others to create fan content? And what ideas do you integrate in your writing?

Hmmm, I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure how to answer this one. I don’t exactly work with others when creating my fan content? All of my writing (save one RP collab homestuck fic from ages ago) is done by me exclusively, and most my ideas are also mostly from my own brain. Although I will say one exception to that is @windschildfanfictionwriter whose an amazing bnha writer I chat with fairly frequently when I need help figuring something out.

It’s less of “working” with people, and more discussing things/ideas, and being excited about stuff. Sometimes literally all I need is someone to be my rubber duck while I talk about an idea for 2-3 hours to get it solidified. People in my discord server often help me by betaing (editing/reviewing) my wips. My adhd means I often make weird mistakes, and they’re wonderful at helping me catch that.

As for ideas I pull into my writing, it’s hard to pick out specific ones. I think I kinda create + absorb + integrate lots of stuff at once. A lot of the times my ideas don’t come from things other authors write, but instead come from things other authors didn’t write. When I see an thought/idea/thread in a story that isn’t followed up on, or isn’t handled how I think it should be handled, that often inspires me to either use a similar base concept or similar thought but in the way I wish it had been done.

Are there certain steps you take/decisions you make when/before responding to a post/prompt?

Not really? I tend to just go with whatever comes to me or what I already had prepared. I’m rather impulsive, so unless it’s a delicate subject matter, I roll with whatever’s going on.

I do always make myself take a step back before responding to stuff that annoys me/any sort of anon hate. I have to remind myself it’s not worth the effort and I should focus on positive/fun stuff. I’ll admit though, I have a very combative nature that can get the better of me sometimes. I’ve gotten better at that though! Hooray for proper adhd medication to help prevent destructive stimulus seeking behavior and therapy! Although I do still like to debate stuff for fun, I just don’t let myself get hostile about it.

When and why did you decide to host writing events like your fake fics event? What was the purpose and how did you approach the title prompts?

Oh, I just saw the post and thought it looked fun so I reblogged it. Stuff like that is mostly an impulse more than anything else.

I just kinda went with the flow for the titles. God, I got so many of those, I still have a lot of them sitting in my inbox, most of which I probably won’t ever post. For the ones I did do though, I picked ones that sounded like fic titles I would actually use, and then asked myself what sort of story I would use that title for. Then I just kinda wrote whatever came to me.

How would you describe the difference between writing alone and writing spontaneously with others (first in creating fan theories and headcanons and second in creating fanfiction)?

Hmmm. This one is also a bit hard. It’s rare I truly “write alone”, most of my stories start as a form of oral storytelling and then are adapted to “proper” writing. Most of my theories/headcanons start the same way.

You’ll notice a lot of my posts start with “Also” “Okay” or “I’ve been thinking” or “You know”. When I’m writing my headcanon/theory posts, it’s all written very conversationally because I’m still following my family’s storytelling in a way. It’s a public post, but I’m not just making statements to a void. I’m still talking to people, addressing them, leading them through stuff. It’s just how I communicate on a very fundamental leave.

I’m still writing for myself, I’m creating for myself, but I’m doing it with others. I’m telling a story constantly, and sometimes I’m telling that story to myself, but I’m still telling it to someone.

I think you can read that in my fics, with the perspective I tend to use. I use limited third person POV, but when I’m writing, I try to write it how the character I’m writing from the POV of would tell their own story. I’m not just describing what’s happening, I’m letting this character tell their story through their own voice, to others, to me. It’s a core part of my writing, and that makes it hard to say that it was ever really written alone.

Do you think knowing that others read and can comment on your texts subconsciously influences your writing?

I mean, it’d be impossible for it not to. But I don’t think it influences me that much. I’m still writing for myself most of the time, and I hold onto my bullshit tightly. I don’t change my writing based on what I think other people want to see from me.

That being said, it’s still something I think about. It’s more of a conscious choice, but specifically regarding my stories that have abuse in them, I try to connect in elements of realism and common underrepresented traits/habits of abuse (which I do try to check via research when I can) and ensure that they are then called out as what they are. I’ve gotten a number of comments/asks/discord messages from people telling me that my works helped them realize they were in a crappy situation / understand what they were going through, and that’s something that’s important for me.

I think The Green Eyed Monster is an example of that, where I explore platonic stalking/obsession/pressuring. It’s something I don’t see taken seriously often enough, so I wanted to frame it in a serious but realistic light and make it clear that what was happening was wrong and harmful. I wanted to explore this concept, but I purposefully did it in a way that I hoped would help others who might’ve dealt with it on some level understand it for what it was, and I think it really shows. In the comments of that fic, there’s a lot of very personal responses/stories from people who went through similar experiences. I think that’s important, so it’s something I try to do when I can.

The other thing is I do 100% put references/lines in certain stories with an evil grin on my face knowing that a certain handful of my commenters are going to rip their hair out over it, either because they have no idea what I mean by it, or they know exactly what I mean by it. But hey, I’m a hurt/comfort writer at heart, so you can hardly blame me.

What motivated you to create a story where your readers can decide for an ending (name)?

Oh, uh, “Seven Year Old Katsuki Has The Ability To Kill A Grown Man And No Concept Of Legality”.

I actually can’t remember the exact inspiration for this one? I think I saw uhhh, Markiplier, playing a text adventure game, and I got curious about creating something similar.

I considered using a platform meant for text based games, but true to my family’s long history of needlessly complicating things and creating things where they aren’t meant to be created out of some mix of spite and creative hubris, I decided I wanted to make it on A03 instead. I looked up a style formatting guide, and went to work.

That whole project took like 1-2 months, around school work and everything else. It was created entirely using links that sent you to the next page. That’s it. That’s the only ‘code’ functionality I had to work with. So I made a whole paper map of the routes, separating them out into “steps” and then created unique text blocks for each step based on prior choices. I used a secret point system for one of the main routes, and ended up with 97 unique steps, and 155 different text blocks/variations.

Fun project. A03 was having some trouble/going down right after I released it, and to this day, certain members of the discord server still blame me for that as I was forcing the website into bullshit it was not meant to contain.

Is there anything else you consider important in your writing process that you would like to tell us?

Nothing I can think of off the top of my head. Other than maybe I have an African Gray named Cecil, and sometimes when I’m not ready to share an idea with humans, I’ll talk it out with him first. He’s an excellent listener sometimes, and by that I mean he’s usually ignoring me or I’m giving him scratches and he’s not paying my rambling any mind.

Though sometimes I get lucky and when I finish up a point and ask for his opinion, he’ll just look at me for a moment and say “I love you.” He does it because I’ll always cave and give him treats since I’m weak for him, but it still makes me smile.

#sif speaks #sif answers #my writing #long post #if there's anything else #just let me know!#submission

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gamebunny-advance · 4 years

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Kind of A Downer

I think I’ve come to accept that the stuff I make gets attention mostly based on subject rather than the content.

And that’s fine since I cover relatively niche subjects (or niche subjects within popular fandoms), so the folks that like that stuff must be really into it like I am which is cool, but still... I can’t help to be a little... I dunno, disappointed about that I guess? Everything about this situation is my own fault, I’m not blaming anyone for it. It’s just how I’m feeling.

Anyway, sorry to bring y’all down, it’s just something I had on my mind. They’re not finished, but I’m gonna go ahead and post what I’ve done for what I’m calling the “Mahou Smash Project” so far. Right now it feels less like, “What if all the Brawl fighters were magical girls?” and more like “What if all the Brawl fighters wore skirts?”, but I’m working on it.

This is roughly the first sketch I did to flesh out the concept. It’s a little more difficult to think of stuff for the non-human characters without just giving them bows, but I’ll try to think of more ideas. Kirby is actually based on an outfit he had from “Super Kirby Clash” that’s called “Magical Girl”. I like it as a shoutout, but I’d also like to do something more original.

No matter how many times I tried to let Mario keep his cap, I felt like it never really went with the rest of the outfit, so I chucked it. I really liked the idea of giving him head wings to call back to his “wing cap” from 64, but it conflicted with Pit being in his group that already has a wing motif, so in later sketches I scrapped it. (His stars also conflict with Kirby, but there are so many star/space themed fighters on the roster, so I don’t think that part is as noticeable). Otherwise I really fell in love with the initial design and it doesn’t really change that much over my several iterations of him.

Originally Link’s inspo was from “Ojamajo Doremi” since the hats were kinda similar. I tried to incorporate a lot of triangles in the design to represent the triforce, but I’m not sure how I feel about the inner dress yet. I like the shape, but I’m not sure if it suits him. I might wind up giving him shorts later.

I had a really hard time with Pit since his outfit is already kinda magical. The most I could really come up with was to add a few more embellishments and make some accessories less “bulky”.

I think Tabuu is actually the second sketch I did when I thought of the idea. At first I was planning on combining this AU with the human!AU to make designing the non-humans easier, but I decided to challenge myself and just keep everyone as they were. It’s a shame because I think this hair suits his design a bit better than the original, but if there ever is a final version of this project, he’s gonna stay bald. His ability is: Morpho Anguish

Of course I had to try these two at some point. R.O.B. has a royal motif to represent how he ruled over the lesser ROBs, but it’s a little difficult to think of accessories he can realistically wear while keeping most of his original silhouette and get across that he’s a magical girl too.

Unlike other designs where the idea for the costume preceeded the ability, I thought of GW’s ability first and then the costume. His ability allows him to “cook” anything into existence from food to people, but he can only do the “complicated stuff” with his cookbook, which is in Tabuu’s possession.

Another sketch of these two. This is when I realized that Mario’s wings would overlap with Pit’s. Speaking off, it’s not super obvious, but I eventually settled on “ballerina” as a theme for Pit so I could distance him a bit more from his original outfit. Specifically he’s inspired by “Swan Lake”, thus the first iteration of the feather skirt appears.

TBH, Wario isn’t super inspired yet. At first it was just a take on Mario’s outfit, but I think I’d like it come a little closer to his WarioWare design since that’s his default in Smash. The crown and cravat is supposed to represent a “W” though, so that’s something.

The most recent iteration of Pit. I let him keep his bodysuit so he could retain some modesty since I draw the skirts on so short, but I honestly think it clashes with the rest of the design. I’ll have to find a way to incorporate more blue into the design if he’s gonna keep it.

Mario is mostly the same from previous iterations, so Luigi takes a lot from him, just a “little” different. I like the striped socks as a shout-out to the Mario & Luigi games, but I don’t like how he takes some of Mario’s red when Mario doesn’t take Luigi’s green (I tried giving him the green striped-socks, but they didn’t look good). I might take them out if I iterate on him again. Luigi’s ability is: Electric Moons.

Another tough one since her design was already kind of magical. I feel like all I did was shorten her dress and add some bows, but sometimes that’s all you really need to do. Her ability is: Blooming Rosales

Originally she was going to be more “knight” themed and keep her helmet since her power suit reminds me of those medieval suits of armor, but I can’t really draw armor, so I chickened out of it. It’s not super apparent, but her skirt is supposed to be transparent. If I come back for her, I think I’m going to work on making her an actual suit of armor so that there’s more difference between this and her zero suit form. Her ability in this form is: Stellar Cannon.

I feel like this is less “magical girl” and more ”Judy Jetson”. I like it, but I think it should be frilled up a bit more. I wanted to add some more flower detailing to represent the pikmin, but I think it really clashed with the “old-timey astronaut” thing he’s got going on. It’s still on his helmet, but it really sticks out, doesn’t it? His ability is: Plucking Gardens

Last two. I might find a way to reintroduce their hoods, but I love the idea of a hat that’s comically small. The pompoms on their hats and shoes are supposed to invoke cherries since they’re often drawn as a pair, but I don’t think it really comes across that way. Popo’s ablity is: Icy Flurry. Nana’s ability is: Freezing Snowfall. Together their ability is: Twin Blizzard

#text #i like making it #i wouldn't make it if i didn't like drawing it #but knowing that it's what i'm known for #or rather what's expected of me #is a little disheartening #part of it is that my skill level just *isn't* quite where it could be #i don't think my style is really that distinct (partially because I mostly post sketches)#so even if I were to switch things up #I don't think y'all actually like my style enough to stay if my subject matter were to drastically change #i don't blame you guys #i'm just working through some stuff #since starting my meds #i've been able to draw a lot more #even on days when i have work #but i still haven't really finished anything #i think i need to go back to my studies #i'm not improving #because i keep going back to what's comfortable #i think if i could improve my ability to depict values #and light and shadow #i'd be a lot closer to where i want to be #there's a lot i need to work on #but i think those should be my priority at the moment

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silenthillmutual · 5 years

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what Classic Film(TM) you should watch based on who your fave Danganronpa 1/2 character is

disclaimer - obviously as a film dude i’m gonna say you should watch all of these. but maybe watch the one correlating to your fave first!

Makoto: 12 Angry Men (1957, dir. Sidney Lumet) - strong themes of justice, it’s about a jury trying to determine a man’s guilt. it’s basically what Makoto does for the entire game. you’ll also like it if you’re a fan of Phoenix Wright.

Sayaka: A Star is Born (1954, dir. George Cukor) - it’s all about a girl’s rise to fame and how her relationships change with that. there’s three versions of this film, most recently with Lady Gaga.

Mukuro: Vertigo (1958, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - themes of murder and hiding your identity, losing yourself to a cause.

Leon: Animal House (1978, dir. John Landis) - a comedy about a fraternity. it’s THE college frat movie and i think Leon would enjoy it a lot.

Chihiro: WarGames (1983, dir. John Badham) - two teenagers might have accidentally started a world war during the cold war by trying to play computer games...fitting for the series, no?

Mondo: On the Waterfront (1954, dir. Elia Kazan) - struggling to do the right thing and being sort of frustrated about your circumstances as they pertain to class and missed opportunities. being dragged into bad situations by family. also Marlon Brando is a bicon and very hot in this movie.

Taka: Rebel Without a Cause (1955, dir. Nicholas Ray) - a lot of turbulent shit happens to three teenagers over the course of 24 hours. one of - if not the first canonically gay teenager on film. i think we all know by now that James Dean was mlm, but so were the director and Sal Mineo. big bi polyam vibes; if you like chishimondo as a ship you’ll probably like this film too.

Hifumi: Akira (1988, dir. Katsuhiro Otomo) - had a hard time figuring out what to put for Hifumi, but overall i think if nothing else he’d appreciate how impressive the animation was (and honestly, still is) along with the fact that the mangaka was also the director. so although there’s a lot cut out (the manga had not finished before the film came out), it’s still roughly the same plot as the manga.

Celes: Dracula (1931, dir. Tod Browning) - probably the most iconic iteration of Bram Stoker’s novel, this is the one staring Bela Lugosi. not terribly true to the novel from what i remember, but it’s peak aesthetic and exactly the kind of thing she’d enjoy.

Sakura: Rashomon (1950, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - finally getting onto films i haven’t actually seen but that are on my list. sakura’s another person i had a hard time deciding on a film for, but the “several characters telling different accounts of the same plot” reminded me a bit of her case in the game.

Hina: West Side Story (1961, dir. Robert Wise & Jerome Robbins) - admittedly i had a different film in mind for her to start with, but Maria’s final monologue fits with Hina’s motivations during Sakura’s case.

Toko: Gone With the Wind (1939, dir. Victor Fleming) - another one i haven’t actually watched yet, but it’s based on a famous novel, described as “epic historical romance.” i think that vibes with Toko pretty well.

Byakuya: Citizen Kane (1941, dir. Orson Welles) - if you’re really interested in film, you’re gonna be made to watch this sooner or later. famous for being the “best film ever made”, it’s more or less about newspaper moguls like William Randolph Hearst - who is also the main reason why this film is famous at all. it’s not exactly a flattering depiction of those kinds of people and boy, did that ever piss Hearst off. if he hadn’t made such a big deal trying to keep Citizen Kane from seeing the light of day, something much better might have made it to the top spot.

Hiro: The Music Man (1962, dir. Morton DaCosta) - based on the Broadway musical of the same name, a “travelling salesman” (read: con artist) starts to work his latest con on a gullible small town, but actually starts liking the people in it.

Kyoko: The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - not to be confused with the other Hitchcock film from the 30s also titled The Man Who Knew Too Much. this is the one with James Stewart and Doris Day. it’s a highly suspenseful film that gave us the song “Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)”.

Junko: Gaslight (1944, dir. George Cukor) - ever heard the term “gaslighting”? this is where it comes from! based on a play in which a woman’s husband psychologically tortures her into believing she is going insane.

Monokuma: Duck Soup (1933, dir. Leo McCarey) - all Marx Brothers films are as utterly silly (and sometimes as incomprehensible) as one of Monokuma’s MonoTheatres. i watched about half of Duck Soup and had to stop because it was finals week and i was supposed to be doing something other than losing my shit.

Hajime: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946, dir. Frank Capra) - you probably already know this film. if you’re Christian you know it as That Film Your Parents Watch Every Year On Dec 24th Around Midnight. if you have seasonal depression, don’t watch it then; warning for suicidal ideation. it’s supposed to be uplifting. your mileage may vary on that one.

Impostor: To Kill a Mockingbird (1962, dir. Robert Mulligan) - i don’t have a good reason to pair these two up other than gut feeling. as far as film adaptations of books go, it’s pretty damn good, and Atticus Finch is the original DILF. themes of childhood innocence and racism.

Teruteru: Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961, dir. Blake Edwards) - apparently much different from the novella on which it is based, but i think Teruteru would really dig the aesthetic and romantic vibes of the film. Holly Golightly is probably the original Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Mahiru: Rear Window (1954, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - like It’s a Wonderful Life, chances are good you know this film - or at least, you’ve seen its plot recycled a hell of a lot. a professional photographer recovering from a broken leg thinks he witnesses a murder take place and is determined to get to the truth.

Peko: Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - another one on my to-watch list, but it’s oft referenced and remade in film. a village hires seven ronin to protect them from bandits who will return to steal their crops.

Hiyoko: East of Eden (1955, dir. Elia Kazan) - i’ll be honest here, i didn’t really know what to put for Hiyoko because i’m not sure i understand much about her, but i seem to remember her family playing a pretty big role in her being Like That and for “shitty family” the first two things to come to mind were this and Giant. and unless you like 3-hour long movies about the state of Texas, i’m not about to recommend you watch Giant.

Ibuki: A Night at the Opera (1935, dir. Sam Wood) - another Marx Bros film in which they help a girl both to be with her lover and to achieve her dreams of stardom as an opera singer. the kind of silly, manic thing i think Ibuki would like.

Mikan: The Shining (1980, dir. Stanley Kubrick) - i hate hate hate putting this on here, but since this is for film and not books i couldn’t exactly state to read the book. the book is about the cycle of abuse. the movie is more about... a trapped man going crazy in a spooky hotel.

Nekomaru: It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963, dir. Stanley Kramer) - comedy about five groups of people racing to get to a large sum of money buried by a recently escaped convict they stopped to help out after his car crash. it’s a comedy, and just kinda seemed like Nekomaru’s thing.

Gundham: The Seventh Seal (1957, dir. Ingmar Bergman) - i watched this in like 10th grade and all i really remember is a man playing chess with Death and if that doesn’t say Gundham Tanaka to you, i don’t know what does.

Nagito: North by Northwest (1959, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - i don’t really have a reason for this one either but it’s a spy film and i think komaeda could get behind that kind of intrigue.

Chiaki: Metropolis (1927, dir. Fritz Lang) - not to be confused with the anime, this is a 1927 German expressionist film that seems to be about socialism and unionization. it’s also famous for its (purposeful) use of the Male Gaze and being one of the first sci-fi films ever made. be warned: it is a silent film.

Sonia: Strangers on a Train (1951, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - another one of those films you’ll get told to watch if you’re interested in the queer history of film, i was gonna put something else but honestly the character of Barbara kinda reminded me of Sonia. a famous tennis player meets a man on a train who attempts to plan a double-murder with him.

Akane: My Fair Lady (1964, dir. George Cukor) - i was trying so hard not to double up on the post about musicals, but Akane really does have Eliza Doolittle vibes. they’re both feral and nothing would be able to really domesticate them. for whatever it’s worth, this film and the musical on which it is based is itself based on the play Pygmalion, in which your typical rich cishet white dude bets he can turn any street urchin into a real lady because he’s just that good. you might know the plot better as Pretty Woman.

Kazuichi: A Streetcar Named Desire (1951, dir. Elia Kazan) - i don’t really have a good excuse for this one, either; i haven’t even watched it yet (although i have read the play on which it is based). all i’m gonna say is i want Souda to have his gay awakening via Marlon Brando, as we all do.

Fuyuhiko: Casablanca (1942, dir. Michael Curtiz) - despite his love and adoration for Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart decides fighting Nazis is more important. i think Fuyuhiko would like the aesthetic, and the film. don’t let him know but i think he’d probably cry watching it.

Usami: To Sir, With Love (1967, dir. James Clavell) - issues of race and class intersecting in a film about a teacher working with inner city students. i was going to put Singin’ in the Rain here, because it’s what Usami would want people to watch...but i think this better fits the effect she wants to have as a being.

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skylights422 · 5 years

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Seed of a Memory

Here is my piece for @arowrimo! This features D&D iterations of my novel characters, and there’s a lot more to both of these characters’ stories, but hopefully this serves as a nice introduction to them.

Title: Seed of a Memory

Language: English

Category: Short Story (Theme: Subverting Romantic Tropes, Fantasy)

Prompt: Friendship

Genre: Fantasy, Drama

Word count: 1907

Content warnings: Brief mentions of racism and arophobia.

Summary: Fiera Casales takes a stroll with her pretend boyfriend and ponders the importance of things like love and memory.

Cold. Distant. That’s what the others had always called her, in whispers that faded down the corridors, in offhand remarks that begged judgement be met with indifference. Ever since she had awoken surrounded by cold ruins, vague images and feelings telling her that whoever she had been, she had been unwanted, and decided to become an anthropologist. They admired her skill in spell casting and dedication to her cause, but questioned her work, and refrained from getting too close. They doubted a high elf lacking the famed fair complexion could advance at such a rate without deception. They thought it undignified to spend so much time studying the cultures of ‘lesser’ species.

But it was well enough that they did not want to spend time with her. She did not very much want to spend time with them either. They were narrow minded and could tell her nothing of her missing past. They gossiped about her ‘lack of love’ despite their own callous indifference towards her. It was enough to simply know how they thought, and how to best maneuver them to make her life easier.

It was also, she had to admit, more convenient for her current study that she not have much to lose in regards to relationships, as she was currently committing an unwritten social taboo simply to see what changes it might or might not have in the long run: she was ‘dating’ a drow elf.

The bitter, hated enemy of her people, so often described as ruthless killers and amoral abominations, as nature’s greatest mistake. She had often wondered if the drow were half as vile as the stories told, but after having met one it seemed more likely the hatred came from an old grudge allowed to fester, the separation of their countries making outlandish exaggerations difficult to disprove. A high elf being a partner to a drow elf was unheard of, and she had just enough status to see the effects of such a scandal.

The drow elf in question, who now lead her down a street gently by the arm, was a fellow by the name of Kadri. They had met quite by chance at a library, when she was knocked down a staircase and nearly took him down with her. Things were sorted out, and she had immediately wanted to interview him despite her own nervousness once realizing what he was. It took some persuasion, and the promise to make the interview a two-way one (she felt she was enormously fortunate that the first person from her sworn enemy’s country was a scholar such as herself), but she got to spend the day conversing with him. Despite the clear distrust he held towards her and his barely concealed agitation, it proved to be one of the more amiable and fascinating conversations she’d ever had. He answered questions thoroughly and with a frank wryness, and asked thoughtful questions in return.

During the next two weeks they met up every day to talk more, and typically ended up conversing for hours on end. They were both frank with their prejudices, though she felt them growing more at ease as time went on. She learned Kadri was a warlock, sworn to serve the demon Kir’giren after they saved his life when he was a child, and was disappointed but unsurprised to learn he had suffered several times at the hands of her people. She told him about her fractured memories, and of her time spent with the sea elves.

By the time Kadri had to depart to serve his master on some quest, she was surprised to find that she was missing his company. She didn’t tend to miss people, if anything she felt more at ease when she alone in her house. Usually the only feelings of longing she felt were in connection to her mangled memories, the faces she could recall but not quite put into context. She definitely couldn’t call the feeling she had love, if she had to guess she probably missed the intellectual challenge of working with someone so different and so on edge.

Regardless of the cause, she determined that if ever they crossed paths again, they would speak at length. That was when she realized that he would actually be perfect for an experiment that she had had in mind for some time, if he could be persuaded. Suffice to say, they did cross paths again, she did manage to persuade him to fake being her partner for up to six months, and they had now been living together and pretending to date for a little over a month. And the initial reaction of her people was horrified confusion as she and Kadri had expected, but over the weeks, opinions started to become more varied. Some applauded their bravery, others thought Kadri had cruelly put her under an enchantment, and some thought this was the final proof that she was a willful traitor and could never be trusted.

Just walking down the street as they were now, people were glancing and glaring at them, some people hurried to get out of their presence, others stared and whispered to their neighbors. They were walking through the city square, browsing some shops before looking for a place to eat.

“Are your thoughts happy, Fiera?” Kadri asked, snapping her out of her reverie.

“Huh? Oh, I was just reminiscing a bit. So perhaps bittersweet is a better descriptor. Why, did I look happy?” she asked.

“You looked contemplative. Are your contemplations ones you’d wish to share?” he said. Fiera turned to look at him properly. Even now he insisted on keeping his hood up in public, and his eyes were watchful, but underneath the wariness he did seem genuinely curious.

“I suppose…if I may ask, what do you think of love? I promise it’s relevant,” she said. Kadri seemed only slightly taken aback by the question; one of the first things she had told him before agreeing to the experiment was that she would never love him, and if he fell in love with her then that was his own problem to deal with alone, so he already knew the subject was one she had given thought to. He gave the question a moment of thought before answering.

“If anything, I think it is something I understand very poorly. I claim only to love Kir’giren, but that is truthfully a wild oversimplification. I know it drives others in equal parts to great acts of generosity and great acts of cruelty. I know there is very little agreement, between individuals or between groups, what exactly ‘true’ love is, and yet they at the same time take for granted that people will recognize it with ease and react accordingly. I have read enough to have some idea what most people see as loving actions, and to know that it is associated with attachment. But that is where my knowledge ends, I’m afraid.” He said.

“Then you don’t know much more than myself,” Fiera sighed. “I was wondering about the nature of feelings, and the nature of relationships, and how they relate to memory. You have all your memories intact, and have, I believe, had crushes before, so I hoped you might be able to offer some insight. You don’t suppose emotions can be born of memories, do you?” Kadri looked quizzical.

“Crushes? I would hardly relate those to love…ah, but to answer your question, not exactly. I think it more accurate to say emotions are associated with memories. We do feel things in the present, after all.” He said.

“True…then I ask you instead, are there any memories you would forget if you could? Would you still be you if you had different memories?” she said. She knew she was prying at what was both purely a hypothetical and quite possibly personal, but the possibility of losing more memories, or of not being who she used to be, were ones she considered often. If she asked too personal a question Kadri would just tell her that.

“Hmm… I believe it may be more truthful to say there are many things I wish had never happened to me in the first place. But they did happen, so I would not let go of them.” He said. Then he chuckled to himself. “But then, I am an incredibly miserable person often stuck in the past. Surely, if I had different memories, the essence of me would be the same, but I would see the world in a different light.” Fiera thought about that. Without her old memories, she had been forced to grow new ones, and she wasn’t discontent with them…

“That is fair. I suppose I just wonder if my old memories have truly withered away or not. It can feel strange to be ‘moving on’ when that is not certain.” She said.

“Well, I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to in any way judge…” Then his expression grew slightly softer. “Truly, Fiera, you are not lacking in any respect. You are exceptionally driven and kind, and brilliant beyond compare. I do not doubt you will find joy and peace in your own way, no matter the circumstances of your memories or your relationship with that nebulous thing called ‘love’.” Fiera smiled at that. Kadri would sometimes just say stuff like that, about her or about some of his old travel companions, and yet still denied having friends or attachments in this world outside of his master. Though she did sometimes wonder if he simply idolized anyone who wasn’t cruel to him. Either way, it was an appreciated statement even if she yearned to be able to confirm its truth in a more concrete way.

“You are kind to say so. I have a similar faith in you.” She said, and she did believe it. Kadri gave a laugh, and the thinly veiled pain in his eyes made it clear that he didn’t.

“Truly, you are too generous. Ah, but here we are, I don’t think I’ve been to this place before. Can you tell me of it?” he said. Fiera silently noted the quick change of subject, and then went on to tell him whatever she could of the little restaurant they had come upon.

She had always been called ‘cold’ and ‘distant’. And even now, she knew she was not in love. But she didn’t feel cold, or distant, when she was chasing her memories or spending time with Kadri. She wasn’t sure why he seemed to be an exception, perhaps it was simply because he had no expectations of her other than to fulfill her side of their agreements without mocking or betraying him, which was easy enough to do since he always did the same on his end. No, the feeling wasn’t love, but it was a warm kind of feeling. She wondered if they were friends, or only amiable business partners, or if it really made a difference. Certainly, if she called him her friend to his face, he’d probably find some excuse to go away and never return. But privately, she would like to think of him as a friend. She didn’t know what her past would reveal, about herself or about those she must have known, but there was always the present, and a dream for the future.

Perhaps the memory of joy and peace could still be grown in some other way.

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