#but still continuously calling my reason for not going to starbucks as stupid and stuff really didn't sit right with me.....

[thegirlwholivesin-delusion]

I really need some best friends and friends who are activists like me.

The lack of interest of people in changing the world around them pains me.

If you are a teen activist/do care about the world we live in and want to change it even if it's a little bit please interact with this post ;-;

[softholand]

gingerbread kisses - t.h

pairing: tom holland x youtuber!reader

warnings: a lot of dialogue and some good old festive fluff

words: 2.5k

a/n: this is like a part two of my youtuber!reader series, it can also be read on it’s one but if you haven’t read chocolate kisses yet, you can do it here i really hope you guys enjoy it and please let me know what you think!! ✨

It was another normal workday at your flat, you had all your lights and camera set in your living room, ready to start filming. Today’s video was going to be a Q&A with a special guest, Tom Holland.

It was expected that your baking video with him was going to be one of the most successful ones, but you weren’t expecting the number of views that, to this day, a whole month later, kept coming.

With so many comments almost begging you to bring him to your channel again, you finally gave in and asked him to do a Q&A with you, but since it was the end of the year and Christmas was just around the corner, you decided that, while you answered your viewer's questions, you two could build gingerbread houses.

“Tom, where are you? I’m about to start this without you!” You shouted from the living room floor, where you were seated. “I’m coming, I just had to get something before,” Tom answered, appearing in front of you, wearing a ridiculously ugly Christmas jumper, making you burst out laughing.

“Oh my God! Where did you get that?” You asked, trying to recover from your fit of laughing. “Oh, don’t worry, darling! There’s one for you too!” He stated, taking an identical jumper from behind him.

“You’re not letting me get out of this, are you?” You questioned, sighing when you saw him shake his head. Once you took your (his) hoodie out, replacing it with the ugly sweater, you were finally ready to start recording.

“Hi guys, welcome back to another video! This week we have a special guest that you guys have been asking since our last video together.” You said, giving Tom time to sit next to you. “It’s Tom!”

“It’s me!” He exclaimed, smiling at the camera. “This time we’re not baking anything but, since Christmas is almost here, I thought it was a good idea for us to build some gingerbread houses!” You said, pointing to the kits you had bought on your last trip to the grocery store.

“It’s been so long since I’ve done this!” Tom smiled, clearly excited to start. “But, instead of just sitting here, I asked you guys on Instagram to send some questions so we could answer while doing our houses. What do you think?” You questioned, looking at him.

“Dangerous… but fun!” He said, making you laugh. “So, we have the Christmas tree with the lights on, it’s starting to snow outside, I’ve made us some hot chocolate and of course, we cannot forget our ugly sweaters, courtesy of Tom.” You grinned.

“You’re welcome!” He praised, making you roll your eyes. “I’d said we’re ready to start.” You announced, to which he gave you two thumbs-ups.

Once you had taken the house out of its package, you laid all the biscuit parts in front of you, Tom doing the same beside you.

“So, the first question is “What’s your best/worst memory together?” You let them know while putting the baking glue on your biscuit. “Do you wanna start?” Tom offered, to which you shrugged. “It’s okay, you can go first.” You said, seeing that he already had the answer at the tip of his tongue.

“Best memory is your twentieth birthday party.” He stated, without taking his eyes out of his project. “Why?” You asked, also concentrating on building the house.

“C’mon, y/n! You know why!” Tom finally looked up, making kissy lips to you. “Tom! It’s supposed to be a surprise for the end of the video!” You whined, earning a chuckle from him. “Okay, fine! I’ll behave!” He said, making you laugh this time.

“I think my favorite memory of us is at the Far From Home premiere party! We had so much fun!” Tom declared, making you smile. “Yeah, that was nice!” You agreed, thinking about your favorite memory with Tom. “Mine is probably when we went to New York, I loved that trip!” You confessed, remembering all the crazy things you and Tom did back then.

“Yeah, that was a good one!” Tom agreed, smiling at you. “Worst one has to be the time paparazzi locked us outside of that restaurant. It was awful, I honestly thought I was gonna die that day.” You remembered, feeling chills cover your body. “Yeah, same!” The boy next to you answered, clearly feeling down just thinking about that event, so you made sure to quickly change the subject and ask the next question.

“So, the next question is, what was your best trip?” You asked, motioning for Tom to go first. “Mine has to be Bali, I loved that place and I’m dying to go back.” He stated. “Tell me about it, I was so jealous when you guys went there!” You whined, remembering the photos he kept texting you. “What about you, y/n?”

“Oh, 100% Christmas in New York!” You told him, without even having to think. “It was magical!” You smiled, remembering the trip like it was yesterday.

“Nice! I never spent Christmas in New York!” Tom commented, before going for the next question. “What’s the other Starbucks order?” He asked, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“Yours is tea!” You said, rolling your eyes. “Hey, I drink coffee too!” Tom uttered. “Rarely! Most of the time is Chai Latte or a Royal English Breakfast Tea.” You stated and of course, Tom had to agree.

“Yeah, you’re right! I should try more of their stuff. But you also always get the same, White Chocolate Mocha or Peppermint Hot Cocoa at this time of the year.” Tom listed, making you smile knowing that he knew your drink orders.

“But it’s just soooo good! I can’t help it!” Tom chuckled, before passing your phone back to you for the next question. “That’s a good one, who’s the messier one?” You questioned. “I don’t even think I have to answer this, you guys realized that from our last video together!” You declared, making you both laugh.

“Ok, I’ll give you this one. I’m pretty messy! But I’m trying to get better at it, I promise!” Tom added, to which you chuckled. “My house is built, now I just have to decorate!” You announced, making Tom gasp by your side. “What?! There’s no way! I’m still trying to make these walls stick together.” He whined, making you chuckle.

“That’s because you’re not using enough glue, look, you have to put a straight line across the whole biscuit, otherwise it won’t stick.” You told him, showing exactly how to do it. “But the glue it’s showing on the other side.” He reasoned. “It doesn’t matter, Tom! We’ll just make it look like snow. See?” You pointed to your own house and he nodded, going back to work, focused on finishing it so he could start decorating.

“Next question, what’s the most useless talent you have?” Tom asked, already laughing. “Mine is really stupid but I can put my feet on top of my head,” Tom stated, demonstrating exactly what he was saying, almost knocking everything that was on the table in front of you off.

“That’s not a talent, you’re just flexible.” You rolled your eyes, to which he laughed. “You’re only saying this because you’re jealous you can’t do it.” He smirked, clearly trying to get on your nerves. “Shut up, I have a much better one, I can lick my elbow.” You said, also showing your completely useless talent. “That’s… weirdly impressive.” Tom expressed making you both laugh.

When Tom was finally done building his house, he joined you and started to decorate. You told him and your viewers that you were going for more of a white Christmas theme, while Tom expressed his desire to make the house as colorful as possible.

“Tom, I think the next question is for you.” You gave him a look, before continuing. “What is the dumbest way you’ve been injured?” He gasped, putting one of his hands over his chest while you laughed. “Why are you coming for me today?” The brown-haired boy asked, pretending to be offended.

“I’m sorry, but how many times have you broken your nose while filming?” You asked once you had stopped laughing. “Three, actually, two and a half, the last one wasn’t a complete fracture.” He explained, trying to not make a fool out of himself.

“Well, I’ve never injured myself badly, just some paper cuts, which for me it’s very dumb.” You mentioned. “See? Your answer is dumber than mine and still, I get the title.” Tom shook his head, making you laugh. “So, taking a break from the questions, what are you doing with your house?” You questioned, taking a moment to observe his work.

“I’m gluing some gummies on the roof.” He exclaimed, putting the icing on the sugar-coated candy before sticking it on the house. “And you?” Tom asked, stopping his movements to look at yours.

“I’m putting shredded coconut on the roof and a little bit on the floor, to make it look more like snow.” You smiled, happy with what you had done so far. “Uhh, bougie!” Tom uttered, sticking his tongue out.

“Shut up! Okay, question number… I don’t even know what number we are, so… weird habits of each other? Oh my God, Tom makes SO much noise to eat, it’s ridiculous!” You blurted, to which he immediately complained. “I do not!” He exclaimed. “Yes, you do!”

“You never said that to me!” You laughed at Tom defending himself. “I have told you, at least, a hundred times!” You stated. “Well, at least I have control of my own body, you can’t stop bouncing your leg for literally two seconds.” He exclaimed.

“That’s because I have anxiety and you know that! I’m always moving a part of my body!” You practically yelled. “Still annoying!” Tom said. “Well, I can’t help it!” You interjected. “Neither do I!” He replied. “Next question?” You asked. “Please!” He shot back, making you both burst out laughing.

Once you stopped, Tom took your phone and asked the next question. “Do you have nicknames for each other?” He smirked, making you panic. “Hey, you said you’d behave!” You warned, pointing a finger at him. “I will, promise!” He told you, but that didn’t stop you from being nervous about his answer.

“I sometimes call her cherry, because she can do that trick with the cherry stem, it’s unbelievable!” He smirked, making you blush. “That’s actually pretty easy to do!” You said, trying to make light of the situation. “Oh yeah, it’s totally easy to tie a knot with a cherry stem with your tongue. Super chill!” Tom added, without taking that stupid smirk out of his face.

“Stop it! I don’t think I have a nickname for you, I call you spider-boy sometimes but just to spite you.” You smiled, sticking your tongue out. If Tom wanted to play, you could join his little game.

“I wish I could tell them all the other names you call me in bed,” Tom whispered, making you almost choke on your hot chocolate. “Thomas!!!” You screamed, trying desperately to clean the mess you’ve made. “Fine…” He replied, taking a sip of his drink.

“Ok, since we are almost done with the houses, the second to last question is: If you could, what would you change about your first kiss?” You asked, immediately regretting choosing the question. “Oh, that’s cool! Let me see… no, I don’t think I’ll change anything about it, maybe the place. It was a little too crowded.” He replied, not even trying to hide his smirk.

“Really? That’s all you’d change?” You asked, giving him the chance to take back his answer. “Yep, that’s all! What about you, y/n?” You shook your head, feigning disappointment that he didn’t choose to make you his first kiss. “I’d change the person, you idiot!” You answered, throwing one of the icing packages at him.

“Hey, that hurt!” Tom protested, throwing it back at you. “Stop it! We have to finish these so we can end the video.” You warned, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Oh, I’m done!” He announced, showing off his finished gingerbread house with a very colorful roof, windows, and door. “Already? I still wanna do a garland on the door. I even bought special sprinkles for it.” You stated, rushing yourself. “Of course you did!” Tom mocked, to which you simply flipped him off.

Once you had also finished your house, you and Tom did a quick cleaning of the table, before going back to filming. “We’re back!” You said, to which Tom added. “And we’re finished!”

“I’m really happy, they turned out so pretty!” You beamed, looking at your finished works. “They did!” Tom agreed, smiling widely. “So… before we end this video, we do have a last question, one that was the most asked and that is: are you guys together?” You said, finally acknowledging the elephant in the room.

You and Tom shared some guilty looks before blurting it out together. “Yes!” Tom’s smile was so wide that it made you smile too. “Yes, guys! You were all right! Tom and I are in a relationship now and we are so happy to finally share this with all of you!” You grinned, looking at your boyfriend, that of course was looking back at you.

“Yeah, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world and I honestly couldn’t be happier,” Tom murmured, making you blush. “Stop it!” You smiled, now completely lost in his eyes. “I think you have to finish the video now, darling!” He joked, bringing you back to earth.

“Oh, yeah, right! So… that was everything for today’s video, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Don’t forget to give the video a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel! Please, let me know what you guys thought in the comments section down below and… I think that’s it. Do you wanna say something?” You asked, shifting your eyes to Tom. “Thank you for having me again and I hope to come back soon for another one!” He said, giving the camera an adorable little wave. “Bye guys! See you next week!” You cheered, getting up to stop the recording. “We did it!”

“Yay! Can I eat now?” Tom quipped, before smashing his house in half. “Thomas!!!!” You shouted, not believing what he had done. “What?! We’re not supposed to eat it?” He wondered, putting one of the cookie pieces in his mouth. “I mean, yeah, but not… like that!” You tried to reasoned, to which he scoffed.

“C’mon, you didn’t think I wasn’t going to make a mess, right?” He smirked, signing for you to come closer. And you did, sliding right in front of him, straddling his waist.

“You’re an idiot!” You teased, clasping your arms behind his head. “Hmm, c’mere!” Tom lifted your chin and there was nothing more to do other than kiss his lips, so you did, only this time, instead of chocolate, they tasted like gingerbread.

tagging some of my mutuals ✨ @stuckonspidey @definitely-not-black-cat @missnxthingg @bi-writes @uglypastels @screamholland @peeterparkr @wazzupmrstark @tomhollandthing @lauras-collection @tommybaholland @mrs-hollandstan @duskholland @allyz @hazinhoodies @hollandcreep @worldoftom @whatevsholland @geminiparkers

[heresathreebee]

That G-D Ring of Yours

High Fidelity’s Robyn Brooks X Female reader

Summary: You seek comfort from your neighbor Rob

Masterlist

There's probably gonna be a part 2

Word count: 2.5k words

Warning(s): +15 | implied cheating, internalized homophobia, heterosexism, author and Rob swearing, no hate to polyamorists but major hate to bad faith players, shameless self insert, no beta, barely edited, long as fuck I'm so sorry

Author's note: I'm having anxiety for no discernable reason and my brain has decided this is ideal fuel for a fic, so please enjoy. EDIT: ha ha yeah still anxious but we're doing stuff about it

-------------------------------------------------------

"-- And she just touched my hand by accident and I just felt this–  this spark between us…" 

It was so sweet how he was talking about it. Or at least it would be were this not your fiancé explaining how he had been seeing another person behind your back. Had you rushed into things with him? Gotten hitched after three months because of familial pressure to settle down and start your family? Quite possibly.

But it didn't make that stabbing in your gut hurt any less. 

You had been a little gung-ho from date number 1, but he had been right there with you the whole time. Date number 2 happened the following weekend and then you just kept seeing each other more and more until before you knew it you had been introduced to each other's extended families and announced your engagement on Valentine's Day. 

You started to suspect something was amiss on Sunday, when you were braiding your hair on the bed and he had gone to take a shower. He accidentally set his phone screen aside with a text chat still open. Thinking nothing of it (he had already told you he was talking to Mark about getting drinks tonight), you looked at the name and saw it belonged to a woman you had never heard of before. Your immediate reaction was 'she must be a new coworker or a cousin,' but then you glanced again and saw the text conversation mirrored the same kind of ‘sentiments’ he texts you. 

The dirt burned into your brain for eternity: 

You had looked away then. You were actually not going to say anything at all to him that night– had planned to bring it up after Tuesday dinner with your auntie's family, but something came up. It turns out that Jessabelle also frequented the same Starbucks as you (and she's your age, not a teen like you worried). You can't even find it in you to be mad at her since it seemed like she had no idea who you were when she showed you the picture of her date at a baseball game. You tried not to puke as you asked for her number and to send her that picture "for her contact profile." 

You hadn't heard a word your fiance had said since the beginning of the phone call and you cut him off with some excuse you barely remember. You tossed your phone carelessly onto the couch and laid back on the cushions in defeat. What now? 

You weren't really a drinker or a smoker, and you didn't exactly have friends who would be supportive right now. You could hear them now, your family too– asking you what you did wrong, telling you to just forgive him or how to get even, or simply saying 'well what do you expect? Boys will be boys.' 

Maybe… no, you definitely need to get this off your chest before you do something stupid like pretend to forget about it. You had a bad habit of that because you tend to fall fast and hard. Perhaps your neighbor could give you some advice. 

Thank the Lord for fire escapes. Rob lived on the floor beneath you, always playing something good from her huge collection of vinyl records. You've told her at least a hundred times before if she played nothing but Phil Collins for the rest of eternity, you could die happy. You crossed your fingers and hoped you weren't being weird or invading her privacy. 

Thankfully, she seemed to be expecting you. She even motioned that the latch was undone and waved you inside. Ok the second wine glass made your face grow hot. 

"I'm not interrupting am I?" 

Rob gave you a warm smile. "I could hear you pacing around your kitchen for about an hour. Was about to come and get you actually." 

She pressed the glass into your hand and you made an effort not to grimace. Rob liked her drinks cheap and strong and she never held back. You tried a sip just to be polite, and she snorted at the face you pulled. 

"That's right, you like that sweet stuff. What's it called again?" 

"Stella Rosa," you mumbled, grateful when she takes the glass back and hands you a water to replace it. 

"Favorite flavor," she asked looking at her phone. 

"Uh… the peach and the rosé. They're all pretty good, not gonna lie." 

"OK, take this, grab a blanket from the hall closet, and tell me what's going on." 

You curled up on Rob's couch and put your feet up. There were piles of records all over the place, empty beer cans and a pizza box or two on the coffee table. Your neighbor tapped away at her phone screen before silencing it and slipping it in her back pocket. She gave you a minute or two to speak up, sipping her drink like you two had all night. Which actually you did as you did not want to see your fiancé right now. 

You felt two fingers gently tap your forehead. "Come on, dreamer, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." 

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I feel a little over dramatic saying my life is about to fall apart." 

Rob raised her eyebrows at you. "Damn, OK." 

You rush to correct yourself– explain your weird sentiment in more detail but you end up just vomiting words until your voice is hoarse. 

"I mean– like– like it's not falling apart per say or whatever– I… the rest of my life is fine its just my relationship that's screwed. Which I guess I'm more worried about because it's gonna screw up all my other relationships for a while too– dang it, let me start over–" 

"Babe! Slow down. Breathe." Rob switched drinks with you and against your better judgement you took a sip. Oddly enough it did calm you down. "So… it's your fiancé, right? What did he do?" 

You stared at her trying to unscramble your thoughts. "He… I found out he was kind of... dating another person. After I found out, he tried to explain that he didn't think I would mind–" 

Rob barked, "let me guess: he didn't think you were exclusive? Pull the Main Chick, Side Chick schtick? Tried to claim 'polyamory' after he got caught?" 

Two and two clicked together at last. "Yeah… yeah, he did!," you scoffed, "and it's not like it didn't ever come up in conversation: we spent our third date talking out our, like, sexualities and fantasies and fetishes and shit. If he was polyamorous, wh- why wouldn't he have brought it up then?" 

"That is so fucked." 

You took a deeper draft of her wine, coughing before setting it aside. Up until now, you've been numb. Now there's this wave of anger boiling up to the surface and you hear yourself getting louder. Rob doesn't flinch but she does give you this look of empathy unlike anything you've seen before. 

"If he– if he would have just asked me, I would have told him it was fine. My family does shit like that all the time: nobody bats an eye! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have been so freaking sneaky about it. He literally lied, Robyn!" 

You whipped around and for a brief moment you knew you looked crazy. "He said he was going out for drinks with his guy friend, but he was making plans to go to a baseball game with a girl I've never heard of! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, or if he 'thought I would understand,' then why would go out of his way to lie about who he was with?" 

Someone buzzed Rob's door and she left you on the couch momentarily, coming back quickly with two bottles of your favorite wine. "Damn girl, these are kinda bougie: Peach or Rosé?" 

"I--"you choked, "Robyn you didn't have to–" 

"Peach it is!" She unscrewed the caps and handed you the whole freaking bottle of white, downing the last of her merlot and getting a fresh glass for you. 

You felt a little guilty she had spent money on you. But then again it had been her choice. If she didn't want you there, Rob wouldn't have let you in in the first place. Maybe you were just a tinsy bit worried you shouldn't be here. 

You and Rob took a break from talking to put on music and get a little tipsy. It came much easier with the help of the Stella Rosa, though Rob initially complained it was 5.5%, she did get accustomed to the sweetness pretty fast, and after consuming half the bottle, realized it was a little easier to get carried away with a drink like this. She admitted it was her first time trying rosé and now she was hooked. Eventually you started talking again, just spilling your guts out with no filter anymore. 

"I really think I just hate myself," you said cuddling the cool glassware. "When I found out, I wasn't even thinking of it as a betrayal of my trust– it felt like I was trying to come to terms with it so I could continue with the relationship. Not because it would make me happy but because… I don't know… it's what everybody else wants me to do. They don't even know about it and I was fully prepared not to tell them even though they'd want me to marry him whether they knew or not." 

Rob barked a laugh of surprise. "Doh-K!" 

"What?" 

"Nothing, nothing…" she said, "keep going." 

You stared off into the middle distance and leaned into her side. She was a tiny bit warm despite her lithe figure. Made you want to throw your blanket over her shoulders and share your greater warmth. 

So you did (you're not great at acting out your desires but this is nice!)

"It's just easier," the words left your mouth unbidden, "I don't even know what that means, but it's true. I don't want to marry him anymore but I don't want to break it off. Not marrying Fiancé means disappointing my family. It means having to find an entire new man to marry sooner rather than later because I'm already 'behind' and lowering my already low expectations. 

"It's not gonna make me happy, but I just think it's easier to keep this wedding going because at least I won't have to find somebody new who might not be as good for me just because I didn't want him. Another man won't make me happy so there's no reason to drop him... except that I don't want him." 

Rob's brow furrowed. "Are you saying it's easier for you to please your family than it is to be happy?" 

"Yes? I– no, I– … I don't know," you sigh. "I guess you could say my priorities are a little… mismanaged." 

"Sure, you could say that." Rob wrapped her arms around your shoulders and you inhaled the scent of her soap and cigarettes. "What if you tried… like… not doing that anymore...? You just said you do whatever your family wants you to do. So, just like do what makes you happy for a change." 

It really does sound so simple the way she puts it, doesn't it? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're not dependent on them for money or security or happiness for that matter. So... why has your whole life been centered around pleasing them? 

"I think… I think I've never really sat down and thought about what makes me happy," you admitted. "I think it's just been that way forever and I might have been too scared to try anything else." 

Rob hummed. "Are you still scared now?" 

Are you? You look into her eyes and ask yourself a question that has never crossed your mind with such depth. You used to be scared– but what is it about your happiness that you are so afraid of? OK, let’s start a little simpler: what are things that make you happy? 

“I like…” you swallowed, trying to break down the barriers you’ve built years and years ago. “I like… coffee. I like… short skirts. I like… girls– I like… my job. I like… music. I think I’d enjoy camping, you know, some day…” 

Your words… these things seemed so arbitrary and trivial. But in your house, these things cause dissent. “My family has an opinion about everything. There’s no right way to live in all of their eyes, but I think I figured out a way to get past it. Keep my head down and do what’s expected of me. Graduate college, get a respectable job, find a man to marry, drop the job and become a mother. Just… don’t make waves. It seemed better because the cousins who didn’t or couldn’t… well they became the butt of every joke at the family dinner. Lisa had one miscarriage so she was a ‘failure’ and Don never dated girls so he was gay and that was ‘bad,’ but grandma Zelda did everything a good Christian woman could do and they still gossiped about her behind her back… 

“And I just… I just let their ignorance control me for my entire life.” God, you could cry right now, but somehow it just felt too good to say it outloud. “That.. that is so fucked.” 

Robyn snorted, and you turned to her as if you’d forgotten she was there. There it was again, that sympathy. Not pity, she did not burden you with tears of her own or try to be angry for you. She just listened and understood. You twisted the diamond encrusted ring on your finger and stared at her. You felt it, that feeling in your heart. No one else had given you that look, like she could really see you. 

“You’re not going back to Fiancé, are you?” Her question was equal parts worrisome and hopeful and you already knew the answer in your heart. 

“No.”

And that was it. Decision made. Actually easier than you'd thought. Maybe not down the road but it felt good for now. There's the telling your fiancé it's over, the moving out, the public announcement, the inevitable feeling of failure, your family, god, his family too. Untangling your lives would be long and hard. You're not sure if you have that level of commitment and motivation in you but fuck it. Problems for tomorrow.

You rest your head on Rob's shoulder and hope your not pushing any boundaries. She doesn't stop you though, in fact she snuggles you deeper into her. You get the feeling she's been here before though your not sure which side or how bad it was for her.

"I like you way more in the few times I've met you than any man I've ever dated," you heard yourself say. "I'm sure that means something but I'm too tired to decide anymore. No tonight at least."

Rob chuckled. "I like you too, sugar."

If you made it this far, hi 💛 appreciate you, leave me a comment! Or just comment "💛"

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Filming Ch. 6 | Connor Brashier

A/n: once again rewritten, do I really need to put that in here anymore?

Summary: Some things can’t stay the same.

Warnings: kinda angsty

Word count: 1.6k

***

Week 6

“Venti earl grey tea, two sugars, just the way you like it,” Connor says, setting the cup in front of me while I type away on my keys, trying to finish my economics assignment before we start going through the most recent footage.

“Thank you, you’re an angel.”

“Your angel,” he corrects me. 

“Mine?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that so?”

“Sure. Sounds fitting, no?”

I hum in response, and look back at my screen. He sits there, fiddling with his phone in hands but never opening it to scroll through anything, just playing with the case, taking it on and off. “You seem bored,” I observe.

“No, not with you. Never with you.”

“I’m almost done, I promise. I just have two more questions.”

“Don't worry about it. Take your time. It’s more time I get to spend with you.”

“You’re cheesy, Brashier.”

“Yeah, well, who’s fault is that?” He questions, tilting his head to the side, raising his eyebrows at me. 

“Don’t you go blaming me for your cheesiness. I didn’t put the words in your mouth and tell you to speak them.”

“Y/n?” he says after a couple minutes.

“What?” I look up at him, ignoring the problem in front of me. 

“Have I told you today that you look really pretty?”

I bite the inside of my lip, “Shut up.”

“What? It’s true. This color looks good on you,” he mumbles, reaching across the table to play with the sleeve of my light blue sweater.

“Well thank you,” I say after a minute. “That compliment alone could get you extra kisses on the way back to your place.”

“God, how many do I have to give for a repeat of last week?”

I can’t help but blush. “I don’t know, Con. We’ll see.”

“We’ll see?”

I smirk, “If you’re a good boy, yeah, you might get a little something.”

“Fuck,” he takes a sip of his coffee - which he only drinks with sugar and the tiniest splash of milk, I’ve found out. A strange man, this one is. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?”

“And that’s what makes this fun,” I shrug.

---

“Hey, Brian,” I say as I walk into the apartment behind Connor.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Bri, what did you say you wanted - oh. Hey,” Shawn comes into view and I force a smile. I haven’t seen him since he asked me out.

“Hey,” I say back, Connor throws him a piece sign and a simple nod before taking my hand. 

“We’re going to my room to edit, don’t bother us for the next three hours,” he says, walking us away from the boys.

“He means to say please and thank you, just so you know,” I call out as he continues to pull me with him.

“No, I don’t,” he shakes his head.

“Quit being a dick or I’m going home,” I say, which results in laughter from Brian and Shawn. 

“Yeah, tell him y/n.” Brian exclaims. 

“Fuck off, Brian!” Connor yells, shutting his bedroom door behind us with a huff. 

“You okay, pretty boy?” I ask, setting my bag down next to his desk. 

His hands find my waist and he sighs, resting his forehead on mine. “Shawn’s here,” he says, a slight edge to his voice. 

“Yeah. Is that not okay? I thought you guys were friends.”

“Well, yeah, but.”

“But what?” I push his hair back, out of his face.

“He asked you out, y/n.”

“Okay? I said no. I told you that.”

“I know, it’s just… he asked you out,” he responds again.

“Why is that bothering you so much?”

“Because I,” he stops himself with a shake of his head. “Never mind. I’m just being dumb.”

“Connor, come on. Talk to me.”

“No, it’s nothing. Let’s just get to work, okay? We have so much to edit before Friday. I want to get it done while we can.”

I sigh but nod, deciding not to push, “Okay, sure.”

We edit for a while, stopping here and there for a drink or to rest our eyes from all the straining we’re doing staring at the small screen for so long. “Where’d you get this necklace?” I ask, playing with the small palm tree adorning his neck, turning my head to get a better look. 

“Palm tree crew. Why?”

I shrug, “I like it. It’s very fitting for you, Mr. Laguna Beach.”

He chuckles, “Thanks.” He takes my hand and pulls me closer, into his lap. “Kisses?”

I hum, placing my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance, “We have to get back to work.”

“One kiss won’t kill us, right?”

“Connor…” I shake my head. I don’t know why I’m doing it, pushing him away. I don’t want to. Because let’s face it, last week, in my room? That was one of the best days of my life. So can someone tell me why I’m trying not to be with him that way again?

“Okay, okay. Later?” he asks, pressing his lips into my shoulder, and then on the underside of my jaw. I hum. He’s ruining me completely. He’s ruining me and I’m getting attached. 

“I know the effect I have on people. I’m pretty sure you’ll fall for me by the time this is over.”

Fuck him for being right.

“If this is a game, you should know that I never lose.”

It’s a game. A game. It’s not real.

“How funny. I don’t either.”

I whine as I pull away. “I should get home.”

“What? Why?” he reaches for me while I start to remove myself from him.

“I just have a lot of homework to do. I have a test on Thursday, I really should study for it.”

“Study here,” he tries to reason, but I shake my head and start putting my stuff in my bag. 

“I can’t. I don’t have my notes.”

“Y/n, what’s going on? Talk to me, baby.”

“Please,” I sigh. “Don’t call me that. Can I please, please just go home?” I throw my bag over my shoulder.

His eyebrows furrow, but he nods anyway. “Okay. Yeah. But are we okay?”

“We’re fine.”

“Then why won’t you kiss me?” I question.

I sigh, “Can we not do this right now? I just don’t feel like being super affectionate right now.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

I ignore his words and open his bedroom door.

“Y/n. What’s wrong? Did I do something? Because if I did, then I’m sorry.”

“No, Connor, you didn’t do anything.”

“Did I say something?” And when I don’t answer, he has his. “What did I say?” He asks, both of us seemingly ignoring the two boys sitting on the couch getting a free show. “Baby, please.”

“Stop calling me that,” I groan.

“Why? That’s you. That’s your name! You’re my baby. That’s who you’ve always been. I don’t get it. What’s happening right now?”

“The name doesn’t mean anything, this doesn’t mean anything because this is all fake!” I burst.

He takes a step back, “What?”

“You made it very clear from the beginning that this was a game. I was stupid to agree to this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t lose,” I cross my arms over my chest. “That’s what you told me, right? So what? You’ve been waiting for me to fall first? Is that it? What do you get out of it? What’s the point of having someone fall for you if you’re not gonna fall too? What is the point of all this? Just some stupid grade, because I’d honestly rather fail!”

“You think I’m not falling for you? You think I haven’t been since the first time we met? You think I memorized your Starbucks order, or went to pick you up from a party when a guy was a little too handsy, or let you steal half of my closet, or told you some of the most intimate details of my life because I wasn’t in love with you? I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. I wouldn’t and you know why? Because I’m fucking in love with you.” he runs his hands through his messy hair. “There. I said it. Are you happy? I’m in love with you and I don’t know how to handle it, but I know that I don’t want to. I want to feel this for as long as I possibly can.”

I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you.

I never lose.

Game. Game. Game.

I bite my tongue. Y/n don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. “You’re not in love with me.” You said it. Of course you fucking did.

“How the fuck do you know? Did you not hear a word I just said to you?”

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Because I haven’t lied to you! I haven’t thought about anything else but you since I met you. And especially not since last week. Jesus, I could never think about anything else after that.”

“Connor.”

“I’m in love with you.”

I shut my eyes tight and exhale deeply, “Stop saying that.”

“No!  I can’t. I won’t. Not until you tell me that you’re not in love with me too.”

I sigh, running my hands over my face. I can’t tell him. I can’t do this. Not now. “I can’t do this right now, Connor.”

“And when do you think you’ll be able to? Because whether you like it or not, I am in love with you and we still have six weeks to do this project.”

“I know,” I mumble, looking down at my shoes.

“You know,” he repeats. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“No, Con-”

“It’s fine. I’ll take you home. Come on.”

“Connor, wait.” I want to tell him. I do, but I -

“I am waiting. And I will be until you’re ready.”

I’m not ready yet.

***

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[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game - chapter nine

heyyy! it’s been a little while, but i did warn that updates on this book a going to get slower. lots of stuffs been going on with my family lately, so its been really hard to find time to sit down and write... but nevertheless, i hope you enjoy this chapter that i only like the second half of...

~*~

"how many pennies in the slot"

~*~

"when can i see you again?"

____

they had set a date. that night outside of joe's bar, they agreed that in just less than two weeks they would see each other again. paul would be out of town on a golfing trip like he did every last friday of the month, and alex would say that he had a family emergency. it wouldn't be hard to get a day off, just the words 'schizophrenic mother' would be enough to let him have a little while off.

so, on that early friday morning, alex stood in the trailer, packing up his suitcase with clothes while izzie continued to sleep peacefully, not needing to wake up for another twenty minutes or so. she had started back at work two days ago and he could tell it was taking a toll on her. she was more irritable and had been sleeping more, exhausted from being on her feet all day, a large comparison to being practically tied to a bed for twenty four hours straight.

he left a note, izzie knew that he was most likely going to be gone before she woke up that morning, but he wrote one anyway. 'gone to the airport. take your pills. love you'. it was short and sweet. he zipped up his suitcase slowly and quietly, careful not to wake his sleeping wife. before he heads out the door he takes one more glance at her and the guilt settles in deeper. he wasn't going to iowa, no, he was going to boston, to see another woman. a woman who wasn't his wife.

he considers not going for a second, calling off the whole trip and staying loyal to izzie, his wife. that's what he should do. the right thing.

but he has this desire in him, this burn. he needs this release, a sense of normalcy, and jo's the only one who can give it to him.

life was really screwed up sometimes.

he knew that someday, somehow, this would come back and blow up in his face, that was a given. but right now... right now he needs this. he needs to ramble on about stupid crap to jo while she does the same, stuff that he wouldn't talk about with izzie because he knew she wouldn't really care. stuff he wouldn't talk about with meredith or cristina because they would somehow circle the problem right back to them. 

he needed this, and he could tell that she did too.

so with that he exits the trailer and slings his small suitcase into the back seat of the cab he ordered, watching as the tin can he called home slowly grew smaller and smaller as he got further away from it. he pulls out his wallet when he reaches the ferry boat not long later, giving the driver a generous tip before stepping onto the dock, the early morning sun just barely peeking above the horizon, setting an orange and yellow tint to the blue water of the sound. it was calming, settling. for the first time he could see why shepherd loved them so much.

when he arrives on the mainland he takes another taxi to the airport, going through security and baggage check quickly, grabbing a straight black coffee from the starbucks by one of the many gift shops, settling himself into an uncomfortable black chair next to an old lady knitting some kind of scarf. it was an ugly thing, green and a weird puke yellow, but the woman seems to like it, so he doesn't judge. he pulls his phone out from his pocket and looks through it, checking to see if he had any notifications or texts. he responds to a few work emails, which was mainly lexie asking for some details on patients since she was covering his service for the next three days.

he doesn't need to wait long before he hears a woman's voice come over the intercom. "flight 270 to boston, group two now boarding." he picks up his suitcase and shows the attendant his ticket before making his way to his seat, which was thankfully an aisle. he places his suitcase in the overheard compartment, letting in his seat mates before him.

he pops a piece of spearmint gum into his mouth so his ears wouldn't get clogged on the way up, leaning back in his seat and drifting off to a much needed sleep. maybe sleep would help to settle his nerves. maybe sleep would bring him some peace.

____

to say jo was nervous was an understatement, she was terrified. for what, she wasn't quite sure. maybe she was worried paul would come home early and see that she wasn't there. maybe she was worried that her and alex wouldn't connect, like last time.

she really hoped that wouldn't be the case though. she needed this, she craved it. she needed the release, she needed the conversations over beer, she needed the ease of being together, even though what they were doing was far from it. easy, that is.

alex would be meeting her at the hotel not too far from her house, a ten minute drive or so. she had a small duffle bag filled with clothes, school textbooks (she still had to study, she was a med-student above anything else after all) and necessities like her toothbrush and comb. she checks the time on the clock on the wall. it was now 2:32. alex's flight landed at around two, and he was going to text her when he arrived at his hotel.

she lets out a long breath, biting her lower lip as she flops back onto her bed, turning on her phone for the hundredth time in the last five minutes, seeing if alex had texted her yet. her feelings were a combination of nerves and impatience. she needed him, right there, right now. she needed to feel something real.

ever since paul hit her two weeks ago she seemed like she was living in a dream world. her thoughts were more hazy and the life she was living just didn't seem all that real. (she didn't have brain damage, but she chalked it up to a sign of shock).

everything had shifted in those two weeks. paul was worse —angry all the time. instead of being greeted by the door with a kiss, it was now an order, either to make him coffee, snack, or some other kind of demand. she didn't know this paul. but, he would get better. she knew he would. people always say that after the honeymoon stage of marriage ends it gets harder. so she thought that that's where they were right now. the harder part.

luckily the bruise on her eye had faded, nearly completely gone by now. a little bit of concealer on the corner of her lid was just enough to cover the yellow spot so it was unrecognizable. she was thankful for that. she didn't want to have to explain why her eye was bruised to alex.

she closes her eyes and places a hand on her forehead, not needing to wait long before her phone buzzes in her hand.

alexandra: just got in a taxi. the driver says i'll be at the hotel in twenty.

joseph: okay, room 363 right?

alexandra: yep ;)

jo chuckles at his response (leave it up to alex to flirt through every text), zipping her duffle bag closed, and walking over to the mirror hanging above her dresser. she ruffles her hair before picking up a spare comb and brushing through it once more. she hated her hair sometimes. it didn't matter how many times she combed through it, it was tangled and knotted as hell five minutes later. she sets the brush down, exhaling a long sigh as she looks into her reflection, her seas of hazel staring right back at her.

she wanted to say that she regretted those three nights. she wanted to say she was going to regret the next three. but honestly? she couldn't. she knew the shame would be flowing through her body once they left the room. she knew that she would not be able to look at herself for a few days in the mirror, only being able to see a woman who cheats on her husband. she knew. but for some reason it didn't matter. she wanted to meet alex in that room for three days straight and let them confine in one another.

she wanted it. she needed it.

so with that thought, she slings the bag over her shoulder and exits the bedroom, closing the door behind her. she gets into a taxi she ordered and drives to the hyatt where alex was staying, nervously tapping her fingers on her knees the whole way, grateful that she had ordered a taxi and not chosen to drive her own car. (no way in hell was she going to pay for hotel parking.) besides, it's not like her and alex were going to be leaving the room much.

she grabs her phone out of her pocket and pulls up alex's contact. she couldn't check in, since the room was in alex's name.

joseph: you here yet?

alexandra: yeah, just set my stuff down.

joseph: okay, i'll be up in a few

jo flashes the woman at the receptionist's desk a polite smile before she can talk, entering the elevators and pressing the third floor button. when the doors close, soft tunes begin to play through the small space, a long groan escaping jo's lips. she hated elevator music. she hated it's stupid rhythm and the way it made you want to claw your eyes out. abso-freaking-lutely nothing was enjoyable about elevator music. when the steel doors open she couldn't get out of them fast enough, cursing under her breath about their 'stupid freaking songs'.

she finds the room quickly, taking in a deep breath before she raises her hand to knock. if she wanted to leave, now was the time. she could make a run for it, text him that she couldn't do it and ghost him after. but the truth is, she didn't want to. she wanted to knock on the damn door, open it and see alex once again. in person this time, not just over her phone. 

three knocks. an "it's open," is all it takes for her to swing the wooden door wide and be met with the face of alex karev, who had a small smirk on his features, looking her up and down, drinking in the sight of what's been on his mind non stop for the past month.

jo stands nervously in the doorway, leaning against the frame. she somewhat expected him not to show up. her whole life she'd been abandoned. who was she to expect a guy would fly across the country and cheat on his wife with her? and to show up would be a whole new thing.

but he did. it wasn't something to be proud of, but she didn't think he'd ever know how much it meant to her that he was there.

alex's smirk quirks up higher at one end, "personally... i think you're wearing too much clothes," he teases. that's all it takes for jo to drop her bag on the floor without a thought and jog over to him, pulling him down into a searing kiss.

the kiss was needy, frustrated. weeks of pent up emotions poured into it, burning their mouths with their desire for one another. her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, bodies pressed so tightly together there was no room in between them.

nothing mattered in that moment. it was just them, nobody else, nothing else. all they were was two bodies longing for the touch of one another, to caress their skin, to realize that everything was going to be just fine if they could kiss each other like that for just a little while.

it was just them.

____

jo and alex laid in the afterglow, the sun peeking through the curtains and setting a warm hue on their entangled bodies, limbs seeming to no longer belong to just one person. a calm silence surrounded them, a silence they desperately craved. it brought peace and promise, something they could both agree was a necessity right now in the chaotic mess that they had gotten themselves into.

she traces circles on his chest, eyes closed as he runs his fingers through her hair. her foot moved up and down his calf, nearly in sync with the way his hand twirled her brown locks. they were tired, exhausted after what they had just finished with each other, but they didn't want to fall asleep. the way their skin felt on each other, the fireworks going off in them was just too much to allow them to drift off. just being near each other seemed to heighten their adrenaline.

while she was focused on his chest and (now) making stars with her finger, he was staring at her lips. it was odd, how hers seemed to mold so perfectly into his. at the moment, her lips were swollen, a bright red tint glossing over them from their previous activities. a sight he enjoyed much more than he would ever admit.

they lay like that for a while, until jo shifts a bit, beginning to place tiny kisses on the side of his chest. "how's work been?" she asks, momentarily stopping the movement of her lips on his skin to look up at him, her eyes shining with genuine questioning.

alex moves his hand from her hair to her side, rubbing his thumb across the smooth skin that she possessed there. he pulls her closer to him, stifling his groan in her hair, making her let out a laugh —a sound he had grown more than fond of. "we’ve merged with one of the lower ranking hospitals, mercy west. which sucks."

he can feel jo pout against him. "i'm sorry." she says sincerely. 

he blows out a breath, "yeah. i can't stand any of these new people —none of us can, actually."

jo sits up, eyes locking with his, a teasing undertone shining through her words. "oh c'mon, how bad can they really be?"

alex smirks, taking her mock as a challenge. "well for starters, they're all a bunch of total kiss asses." he grins, making her chuckle against his palm. "i'm serious," he laughs, adjusting his position so he could now sit fully upright. "kepner has this little book, where she writes everything down in, and i mean everything," jo leans against the headboards, taking her hand in his larger one and begins to trace his fingers. 

"she never stops talking. she's like a freaking chihuahua. and she also got this huge thing for shepherd," he chuckles, thinking about how the girl practically melted every time the neurosurgeon entered the room. "she has her lips permanently superglued to his ass." 

jo hits his chest, trying to keep her laughs to a minimum. "i'm sure she's not that bad," she reasons. his curt glare is the only thing that told her that this kepner was in fact 'that bad'.  

“she’s terrible. never shuts up about jesus either. jesus wouldn’t approve of all the images she’d probably conjuring in her mind about shepherd though.” he snorts, amused at his own joke. jo rolls her eyes, biting back a smirk. 

“oh doctor shepherd, i’ve picked up your lab results. oh doctor shepherd, i’ll assist you on a surgery nobody else wants to even observe. oh doctor shepherd, i’ll do anything you want me to if that means i get to stare at you a little bit longer.” 

“please tell me you’re exaggerating.” 

alex scoffs, “i wish. worst part is, she does it while mer is in the room. i’m not sure if she doesn’t know he’s married or has just never had the hots for someone before. Because if she hasn’t, she’s making it painfully obvious.”

jo gives up on holding back her laughter, letting a little giggle escape her throat. “that’s… something,” she settles on. over the past few weeks she’d begun to learn nearly everything about alex and all of his friends’ crazy, soap-opera lives inside the walls of the hospital. what she retained is one; that they were all somehow related, either biologically or through sex, and two; people who worked at seattle grace were incredibly horny, to put it lightly. but that was a discussion for another time. 

“mhm, then adamson is just a-a bitch. yeah, she’s a huge bitch. don’t know how else to describe her other than that.” he leans over the side of the bed and ruffles through his carry-on bag, emerging with a bag of gummy bears. ripping the bag open he offers the candy to jo, who eagerly accepts and shoves at least four of the bears into her mouth at once. 

“percy’s just this… absolute giant. guy’s like, seventy feet tall. he’s also got this thing for adamson, who only sees him as her brother. it’s sad really, she calls him charlie and everything.” he fakes a pout, posing mock sympathy for the man he honestly wouldn’t even give the time of day to if he wasn’t currently invading his work place.

jo clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth, “that’s a tough one.”

“yep.” he pops a few more gummy bears into his mouth, waiting until he finished them before talking again. (he one time tried to complete his story with food still in his mouth and jo had physically shut his jaw and forced him to chew until all of the pizza was gone. no way he was making that mistake again —jo was strong.) 

“don’t even get me started on avery. god, every time i see him i just wanna punch him.” that piqued jo’s interest, a teasing grin split across her lips. 

“are you jealous?”

alex scoffs, “god no. definitely not. i just can’t stand the guy. the dude looks like he should be on the cover of a fashion magazine, not inside of an OR. and, he gets standing ovations in the middle of the emergency room. oh yeah, plus he’s loaded, being harper avery’s grandson and all. i thought we were past the age of nepotism” 

jo’s eyes widen comically, snatching the bag of gummies out of his hand and tossing it across the room, cutting off alex’s loud display of protests at the fact that the candy was now scattered carelessly across the carpet. “harper avery’s grandson?!” she all but screeches. 

 alex visibly winces, “yes jo.” he replied, nodding his head and trying to figure out how the woman he thought he had gotten to know so well could emit that kind of sound. like one of those teenage girls who were obsessed with those movies about vampires and werewolves.  

“as in the harper avery award harper avery?”

“no jo,” alex deadpans, dramatically rolling his eyes. “the harper avery who owns the car dealership down the street —yes the harper avery award harper avery. who else would it be?” he gets up from the bed and starts collecting the gummy bears, dumping all the dirty ones into the trash while silently cheering when a good amount of them were still left in the bag. 

when he returns to his spot, jo slaps him across the chest. “asshole. there may be a lot of people out there who are named harper avery.” in her defense, there were seven point six billion people on the earth. it was highly likely a few people shared the same name as the former doctor. (at least one.)

“mhm. yeah, well, the guy’s an ass.” he argues, giving her the bag of candy in hopes that she won’t throw it across the room again.

jo’s eyebrows scrunch up as she tilts her head to the side, seemingly deep in thought. “you know you gotta become friends with him right?”

he lets out a bemused laugh, “tell me you’re joking.” he says.

she shakes her head, jutting out her bottom lip. “nope. i mean...there’s gotta be some benefits to befriending an avery, right?” surely, there would be some kind of advantage. extra… good points with the foundation? mentions about oneself to the famous catherine avery? (the more she ran it over in her head the worse it sounded, but there was no way she was gonna give up, because there had to be at least one advantage to being best bros with an avery.)

“sure,  i’ll keep that in mind.” he smirks, seeing how the wheels had stopped turning in that mind of her’s and were put to a rest once she realized the lack of good things that could come from being nice to mr. green eyes. 

“whatever jerk. help me with some of my homework, i don’t wanna do it and you’re the hotshot surgeon who already finished med-school and works at a big, fancy hospital. sound good doctor karev?” she teases, grabbing her books from her bag and dropping them down onto the bed, the heavy pages creating a loud thump that immediately sends alex back to his days in college. books scattered on his bedspread, day-old mcdonald’s cups on his side table, and packets of unhealthy snack foods thrown across the floor. he lets out a dramatic sigh, pretending to think it over before pulling a book and jo towards him. 

“so, biochemistry…”

[myhockeyworld87]

Not So Dangerous Liaison - Sidney Crosby - Part 1

Word Count: 3,296

POV: Starts with Reader and switchs to Crosby

Warning: Language

Notes: Ok so I’ve wanted to do a Crosby series for awhile and this idea has been stuck in my head. I’m not sure how long this series will be, kind of just seeing where it will go. Hopefully you’ll all stick around and see where this goes.

READER POV

It was September of 2015, that was the first time Sidney Crosby met the woman who would change his life; only he didn’t know that then. He first saw you at Marc-Andre’s house, when you were standing there talking to Flower’s wife, Veronique. He didn’t know that a chance encounter at the same salon had led to you and Vero becoming best friends. What he did know was that you had to be one of the most beautiful women he ever saw.

You were wearing a pair of white shorts with a navy peplum off the shoulder top. To Sidney, you looked gorgeous, cute and casual; not really trying too hard knowing you were at a party with a room of NHL players. He could already see all the young single guys on the team sniffing around you. He couldn’t really blame them, considering where his thoughts had drifted the moment, he laid eyes on you. Wanting to know more about you, he made the decision to introduce himself. “Great party Vero, thanks for having everyone here before the season gets underway.”

“Yeah sure, it really wasn’t anything. Marc-Andre and I were glad to do it.” Sid shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for his friend to make an introduction to you. Veronique finally took pity on him after a minute or two. “So Sid, this is my friend (Y/N). (Y/N) this is Sidney Crosby.”

You held out your hand to him, and he took. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Sidney…or Sid…I mean everyone calls me Sid…so if you want…” You hadn’t really intended to say his name, and it seemed like he just realized that as a small blush crept up his cheeks.

“Well, Sid it is, then.” And then you added, just to put him at ease. “Everyone calls me (Y/NickN), so feel free.”

  That comment seemed to put him a little bit more at ease. “So how do you and V know each other?” You proceeded to tell him how you and Vero met at the salon and bonded over the same Starbucks order. When she found out you were in marketing, she asked to pick your brain for her children’s clothing line, she was starting with Catherine Letang. The three of you became fast friends, going to brunches and dinners; so it was natural when they invited you to this pre-season get together. The conversation with Sidney was so natural neither one of you noticed that Veronique had left the two of you alone. Sid talked a lot about hockey, but you really weren’t surprised, as the face of the NHL and one of Pittsburgh’s premier athletes; you expected as much. What you were surprised about was when he switched the topic of conversation to history. It was as if he knew you were a history buff.

You found yourself talking about your last trip to Europe, where you tried to take in as many historical sites as you could, and Sid chimed in with some of his favorite places. It wasn’t until both of you had an empty glass that you realized you’d passed the last couple of hours just chatting essentially about nothing with Sidney Crosby.

“So, can I get you another drink?” He asked staring at your empty wine glass.

“Yes, please.” He took the glass and headed inside the house.

Catherine was the first one to sneak over to your side. “Looks like you and Sid are hitting it off.”

“Oh stop. We’re just talking is all.” Grant it, it was probably one of the best conversations you’d had with a guy in a long time. “I mean…well, he’s Sidney Crosby and I’m just…well, I’m just me.”

“Oh my god (Y/N), you have no idea how absolutely great you are, and Sid would be lucky to be with you.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. It’s literally one conversation.”

“Fine, but don’t mind me if I give it a little nudge in the right direction.” Catherine raised her eyebrows as Sid came back with the wine.

“So where were we, was it Rome, Paris or London?” You smiled at his cute little joke, as the two of you continued talking. By the end of the night, you felt like you were floating on cloud nine. He walked you to your car, but never really made a move; which was both sweet and confusing at the same time.

By the time you made it home, you convinced yourself that the whole night really didn’t exist. This was only confirmed when you didn’t hear from him the following week, not that you really expected him to call, but it set the tone for next time you saw him. Which ended up being after the first home game of the season when everyone went out to celebrate the win. You’d ended up at the game with Veronique and Catherine, so it was only natural when you went out to the bar with them afterward.

Sid was casual and maintained a safe distance around you. It felt kind of weird after the great evening you’d had before, but if that’s the way he wanted to play it, so be it; you were not one to go chasing after someone that didn’t want you. So, you spent most of the evening talking and laughing with Beau. And so went most of the season. You’d basically become an honorary wag, just without being a wife or a girlfriend of a player. You were at most home games and ended up going to several events that involved the team. Each time, Sid was polite, but things never went back to the way they were the first night that you met.

As the season went on, you got a behind the scenes look at what it was like to either be married to or dating a player and if you were being honest; you were glad things with Sidney hadn’t progressed. It was stressful and you saw what a toll the long road trips and constant on the go schedule took on relationships. It wasn’t until later in the season though, that you truly saw how difficult being a significant other could be. Marc-Andre had gone down, after taking a puck the helmet. Everyone in the arena could tell something wasn’t right, and as you saw him get help skating off the ice Vero grabbed your hand for support. There was no news, no one went running down to the tunnel to see what was going on and no one called to say what had happened. You literally just sat there telling your friend that things would be fine. It wasn’t until after the game was over that you found out he had suffered a concussion and was being taken to the hospital for further evaluation. Since it was his second of the season, the Pens were taking every precaution possible with their star goalie. The question in your brain though, was why someone hadn’t told his wife that.

A week later when you, Vero and Catherine were having dinner you questioned them about it. The answer coming back that it’s just the way things work. “Well, I think that’s stupid. They should have a person that keeps in contact with you guys and lets you know what’s going on. I mean what happens if it’s at practice do you get a call then?”

“Not usually, unless it’s from one of the other guys.”

“See that’s just messed up. There should be someone, I don’t know like a…what’s the word I’m looking for?” They both exchanged a confused look with one another as if they had no idea what you meant. “A liaison, that’s it.” To which they stared at you as if you grew three heads. “I don’t mean it like that, like a go-between. Someone that helps with communication and such.”

“I totally agree, but it seems like no one has any time to do that,” Vero told you. “They’re too busy playing the game and working on the injured player to think about us who are sitting there worried sick out of our mind.”

“So, they should create a position. I mean I’ve seen a couple places where the organization is falling short on things and you guys seem to be stepping in.”

“What do you mean?” Catherine asked.

“Well like when the WBS players get called up there’s nowhere for them to go, but a hotel, unless they end up staying with one of you guys. If you had a liaison there, that person could facilitate a place for them to stay and stuff. I mean other than just getting them here. They could do the same for any players that get traded as well.”

You seemed to have both Vero and Catherine sold on this idea. Though for some reason you didn’t think you were selling anything, this was just more like a little rant because you’d seen how upset Vero had been when her husband got hurt. The three of you hashed out all kinds of details about it the entire night. What you didn’t expect was the phone call you received, several days later, from Mario Lemieux’s office asking you to come in. You assumed it was about the position you’d mentioned to Vero and Catherine, but also expected them to be there. However, it was quite evident they weren’t when you finally went to talk to the legendary NHLer.

You’d been introduced to him before at parties, but never truly sat down and had a conversation with the man, and even though you’d met some famous people in your life; you were still a bit intimated meeting Mario. “Have a seat (Y/N), I assume you have an idea why I called you in?”

“Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I would say it has to do with the lack of a position in your organization that I talked about with Veronique and Catherine.”

“Yes, they both called me, as well as their husbands and were quite excited about the prospect of us implementing this into the team. Honestly, I can’t believe we hadn’t thought about it before.” You never expected Mario to say something like that. “When I spoke to my wife about it, she agreed that it would’ve been something that eased her mind when I was playing, especially later in my career. So tell me a bit more about it?”

You then proceeded to highlight some of the situations the girls and you had discussed previously. “It might not be a full-time position, more something that could be distributed out to a couple different people who are already on staff.” You added that part because truly you didn’t know, this was really uncharted waters for you.

“I disagree. I can see this being a very full-time for someone. I would expect them to be at every practice, every game, both home and away, just the way our training staff is. Plus, there would be all the outside interaction as well, like contacting people we’ve just traded and getting them settled; not to mention transitioning the WBS players as you said.” When you looked at it that way, you supposed that the job would definitely be over forty hours a week for whoever took it over. “It’s why I want you to take the position.”

“I’m sorry, what?” You’d heard what he said but you really hadn’t comprehended it.

“This is your idea and a hell of a one at that. You seem to have the vision of it, and I can’t see anyone better to run it.” To say you were flabbergasted was an understatement. Never did you anticipate that this was where your conversation with Mario would go. “Obviously, there will be kinks that need to be worked out, and who better to iron them, then you.” You simply nodded your head, still digesting the whole idea. “You already have a great rapport with the team and their significant others, so there’s already a trust level there. Which is something I feel the job would need.” You had to agree about that factor, though you hadn't thought about it until he brought it up. “I’m not saying this a lifetime position, but it’s definitely something I want to try for at least the next year or more. So, what do you say are you in?”

Were you? Part of you was dying to take the job, it would be something so completely different than what you were doing now, but then your current job paid you pretty well so you weren’t ready to give that lifestyle up for the unknown. Mario must have seen your hesitance. “Look, I’m going to make it worth your while.” He scribbled down a figure, sliding the piece of paper over to you. You couldn’t hide your reaction when you saw the amount scratched out on the paper. It was definitely more than you were making now, but there was still that unknown factor of where you would be in a year.

Weighing the options out in your mind, you decided that this was a once in a lifetime chance. You held your hand out to Mario, saying, “It looks like you’ve got yourself a new staff member, Mr. Lemieux.”

“Welcome aboard (Y/N) and from now on it’s Mario.” Later, after you went over the details of when you would start, which you both decided would be after you left your current job; you walked out of the office looking forward to what new adventures lay ahead, for you had an idea it was going to be very interesting.

  SID’S POV

After that first night that you’d met (Y/N), you literally couldn’t get her out of your head. She was the last thing you thought about that night and the first thing that came to your mind when you woke up. Maybe it was how incredible she looked last night or the way she carried on a conversation with such passion, but you couldn’t seem to get her out of your brain. It was the reason you were late for practice, as you found yourself lying in bed just a little bit longer daydreaming of when you would talk to her again.

All through drills, you couldn’t get her off your mind. Wondering when you should call her; was today too soon? What you didn’t notice was that you’d missed half your shots, made extremely sloppy passes during the powerplay drill and practically had a puck hit you in the head as you were thinking of all these things. Geno, finally skated up to you, tapping your helmet with his stick. “Earth to Sid. Where you at today?”

“Sorry, Geno. Guess my mind really isn’t in the game today.”

“Well, you better get it together. Season is starting soon.” Geno was right, if (Y/N) could occupy your thoughts after one conversation, what would happen after one date, and if you were worse after one date, what would happen if you were actually in a relationship. It was that thought that convinced you not to call her. There would be time for relationships when hockey was over. So, (Y/N) might be the perfect woman for you, but if it was meant to be she would still be there when your career ended.

Still, it was hard to see her out at the team get-togethers. She’d practically became a member of the group. Of course, you tried to be nice, but you could tell that when you didn’t call her after that first night; she’d taken the hint and kept her distance. Still, it was hard to watch her laugh at something Jake or Schultzy would say. Harder yet to see her touch Beau’s arm in an intimate way.

It may have been killing you inside each time you saw her, but you knew it was better for your career this way. If there was any silver lining to this, it was at least you didn’t have to see her all the time. There were times when she came to the games, dressed all cute in jeans and a sweater, and you wanted nothing more than to take her home with you those nights, but (Y/N) wasn’t the kind of woman you took home for the night and then forgot about. She was too much of a distraction, so you tamped down your lust for her and focused solely on hockey. That was until you walked into the film room and she was standing there with Mario. Seeing her at parties and the bar was expected, but having her invade your work-life caught you off guard. There wasn’t a chance to ask her what she was doing here, as players filtered in and she remained in conversation with Mario.

Once, everyone was settled Coach Sullivan turned things over to the owner. “I know you all know (Y/N), so I’ll save the long introduction, but I’m sure you’re wondering why she’s here.” It was the question foremost in your mind. “I’ve hired her on as the team’s new Personal Players Assistant. I know you’re probably wondering exactly what this position entails, so I’m going to let (Y/N) fill you in on that.”

“Hi guys, I know most of you never thought you’d be seeing me here that’s for sure, and on the other hand, a couple of you may already know about this. This position was brought about because of the lack of communication between the team, players and their significant others when there is an injury. I’m basically going to start off being a liaison or go-between for you guys, along with a bunch of other things, like…” You sat there listening as (Y/N) talked about her new job with the team, though you wouldn’t lie it was hard to pay attention when she looked so damn beautiful. As she spoke, you couldn’t help but watch the way her lips moved and couldn’t help imagining how they would feel on your skin. You closed your eyes in hopes that would make your mind stop wandering, only it served to have other images pop into your head. Thoughts of those lips wrapped around your cock, as she knelt before you looking up from between your lashes, permeated into your brain. Your eyes flew open and it was then that you realized you’d missed half of what she said.

“So on that note, I have these papers here for you guys to fill out and get back to me.” She handed them over to Rusty, and he took one and started passing the rest. “Hopefully, this crazy idea will end up being advantageous for everyone and you won’t get too sick of looking at my mug at every practice and game.” Wait did she just say she was going to be at every practice…and game? Shit, you should’ve been paying attention instead of daydreaming about this woman. “If you guys have any questions, my contact information is on the paper, and my office is just down the hall. I’m looking forward to working with all of you.”

“Thanks (Y/N). I’ll make sure these get back to you.” Coach Sullivan said and then she and Mario slipped out of the room. You stared at the paper in your hand, seeing nothing but (Y/N)’s face staring back at you. How were you going to make it through every day seeing her face, her body? The better question was how were you going to concentrate on hockey with (Y/N) around you? There was only one answer, and that was you were going to have to avoid her at all costs.  

[lokidrabbles]

Cinnamon Brews (Loki x Reader)

Loki and reader continue to develop their bond inside a coffee shop.

A/N: Next part in my LokixReader Winter Series. As always, gender neutral reader!

Warnings: Some mentions of jealousy, supper fluff

“Thanks for coming with me again. Tony and his lab partners always get really cranky when they don’t have their coffees on hand.”

“Anything to get out of that fool’s sight. I don’t think I can tolerate another ‘reindeer’ joke without hurting someone.”

Both you and the indifferent Asgardian made your way towards the closest coffee shop around the corner. You urged Loki to make haste, wanting to avoid the NYC crowd that was more than likely beginning to pile up in these small shops. As temperatures continued to remain a steady low, the residents of NYC would stampede towards Starbucks, Coffee Grinds and other various tea shops, which would make your job especially difficult.

For one, you hated the crowds. There was always bound to be some idiot making a scene or being totally rude to everyone else. Everyone bumps and grinds against each other, triggering your irritability even further. And due to the high capacity, there would often be something wrong with your order. Definitely not your favorite thing of the season.

Luckily, Loki decided to tag along. You hoped at least his intimidating aura would scare off anyone who would want to try something with you. You’d give him that. Loki, when pushed over the limit, could be terrifying. You mentally knocked on wood, hoping you would never have to experience having Loki angered at you.

As you both turned the corner, you beamed at the sight of a practically empty coffee shop during the morning hours. You clapped your hands eagerly, catching the attention of Loki beside you.

“Thank the lord. I swear was about to turn right back if I saw a crowd.”

“Wouldn’t Stark be upset with you if you didn’t retrieve anything back?” Loki asked, humoring your words.

“Tony can be as upset as he wants but I wasn’t going to go through with that trouble. Lucky for him, we’ll practically be first in line. In fact, how bout we get a little something to drink for ourselves?”

You tugged at Loki’s arm, a scheming grin plastered on your face. Normally Loki would immediately refuse the offer, for a variety of reasons but mainly because he wasn’t a particular fan of coffee, and because he did his best to avoid any type of human interaction possible. Crowds were also something he wasn’t a big fan of, no matter the size.

However, stalling and keeping long for Stark to receive his so much desired coffee, now that was as good as a reason to follow you inside that shop.

You both entered together, immediately hit with a symphony of smells involving freshly brewed grounds, herbal teas, sweet things and spices. Only a handful of customers were present, either idly talking or typing away on keyboards. Just the right amount of people both of you could only tolerate.

You spotted a booth in the far back, just isolated enough for both you and Loki to be at peace, and pointed over towards it.

“Snag that seat for us while I get Tony’s stupid order. Anything you’d like in particular?”

“All of my past experiences with this coffee substance haven’t been particularly enjoyable.” He began, making a disgusted face. “I can only ponder how my brother can tolerate it so much.”

“I take you for a sweets guy anyways. I’ll get you something you’ll like, trust me.”

He shrugged, walking promptly to the booth you had instructed him to occupy. You made your way at the counter and pulled out your phone to recite Tony’s grumpy text to you earlier from the morning to the barista. As they took your card, you peeked over to look at Loki and sputtered at how out of place he appeared.

For one, his entirely black wardrobe was contrasting the bright holiday colors from the shop’s tacky decorations. He looked like a lost child, completely unable to blend with the background, eyes only darting back and forth. He looked adorable. You knew settings like this made him uneasy, and you reminded yourself to thank him once again for joining you on your little errand run. His adjustment to Earth continued to be a challenge for him but at least this was some progress in itself.

You turned your attention back to the barista, placing an additional order for a vanilla cappuccino. You figured starting easy with a sweet drink would be a good way to ease him into tasting it. If not, you could always drink it for yourself.

Once the barista handed over your receipt, you made your way back to the booth, only to encounter something unsightly. You felt your smile drop suddenly and your stomach began to churn uncomfortably.

Another person, a young woman, was there conversing with Loki. She stood next to him, smiling and tucking her hair behind her ears repeatedly. Her eyes fluttered constantly as well, as she held her phone towards him, probably asking for a number of sorts.

Loki, visibly uncomfortable at the ordeal, only looked at her with his best attempt to be polite. Again, much progress, but not really called for in this situation. His crooked smile only motivated you further to march over and find out exactly what was happening.

“You don’t have a number? What about your handle online? Any social media?” You heard her murmur at Loki who was dumbfounded at what she was getting at.

He chuckled nervously. “My apologies, I’m not really adept to that sort of stuff.”

“Anyways for us to get in touch then?”

Loki shook his head, and she sighed.

“I just, I took a look at you and I’ve never seen a man like you before. You’re super handsome. I’d really regret it if I didn’t get in touch with you.” She continued, coy and shy.

“Ah.” Loki said, not particularly impressed. “That’s very...kind of you.” The struggle was real. If it were not for you being there, Loki would have handled the situation much differently. He would have caused a large seen, and he would have felt awful at you dealing with the mess afterwards. For now, he gritted his teeth.

Fortunately you had arrived to his rescue, clearing your throat loud enough to catch both of their attentions.

“Can we help you with something sweetie?” You asked, shooting literal daggers at her. Loki would immediately notice your sudden change in attitude. You appeared much more dominant and even he could feel the jealousy steaming off of you.

“Oh!” She jumped, pulling her phone back away from Loki immediately. “Uh, were you two...?” She struggled with her words, knowing she had probably crossed a line.

“Yes, yes we are. Did you have any business with him?”

“N-no.”

Now this was very entertaining for Loki.

“Leave him be then, he doesn’t want you anywhere near him.” Your eyebrows furrowed and Loki’s interest grew even further.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you both were together.” She stammered, inching away from both of you. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah you did. We don’t want to be bothered, thank you very much.” Your words cut deeply, and the young woman dejectedly made her way out of yours and Loki’s sight.

You sat down across from Loki, who only observed the interaction meticulously. He shot a smirk at you, catching eye of your ongoing vigilance of the woman, who had probably made her way out of the shop by now.

“I didn’t realize you would be such a possessive individual.” He began, crossing his arms. “You reduced that human girl to absolutely nothing with a mere few words and those intimidating eyes of yours.”

“I know those type of girls, they want to act all innocent just for guys to eat out of the palm of their hands.” You replied, still keeping at eye at the entrance. “I’m not allowing that shit to go down.”

He laughed at your justification. “To be fair, you were much kinder to her than what I probably would have done. Still, I believe you ruined her day.”

“Maybe. But, I don’t know.” You turned back to face him, only to rest your face upon your arm. “I got really upset when I saw her talking to you.”

“If you even consider that a conversation.”

“I was pretty mean to her. She probably had no idea.” You laughed. “I guess I am more possessive than I thought I was.”

“You do know you have nothing to fret about, if that’s the issue.” Loki replied, reaching his hand, palm up, towards you across the booth table. “My best way to describe it is, you’re the only human I can tolerate on this whole planet.”

He looked at you, eyes bright and a gentle smile across his face. A small smile formed across your own. Loki’s progress continued to show, and his efforts, while still awkward, were genuine. You reached out your hand to his, intertwining your fingers along with his. His hands were soft and warm, bringing you instant relief.

“You’re the only person I can tolerate in this whole city too.”

A few moments later, you both exited the shop, coffee on hand, and hands clasped tightly together.

[baekhypnotized]

☆— [six]

summary: Baekhyun is just a man who doesn’t believe in romance as much as Byul, who is trying to give herself to him. But day by day, he will soon realize that her fleeting actions are breaking down his cold-hearted brick wall, no matter if it takes her a million years.

warning(s): -

word count: 5.1k+

author’s note: please let me know what you guys think about this chapter!! if you would want to be tagged for next update, do tell me!! enjoy reading :)

tag list: @iloveagain​ @catboyseni​ @versaexact​ @xlxbaekhyuneex​ @nastybbh92​

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“Come on, Baekhyun. Stop playing around so we can finish this assignment.” I request, sighing softly after seeing him procrastinate. Baekhyun plays around with his laptop for 10 minutes already because we’ve been trying to complete this project by tonight. Baekhyun and I have been at Starbucks for hours since at 8 pm. Now? It almost strikes at 12 am and our work hasn’t completed yet. And, I love how this place is open 24 hours so we can do our work conveniently.

“Chill, Hanbyul. We still have a week,” Baekhyun scoffs as he grabs his iced caramel macchiato and drinks it. I glare at him before rolling my eyes to the back of my head. My eyes start to feel sleepy, losing my focus on the screen of my laptop. I quickly slap my cheeks slightly to at leash freshen me up. 

Baekhyun giggles silently once I start banging my head in the air with my eyes almost tightly close. A few seconds later, I place my head on the table and decide to get a short nap to reenergize back before continuing the project. I doze for around 5 minutes and get back to work. But within a few minutes, my legs and hands start to feel numb so I decide to lay my back by the chair and continue my dozing. 

The moment I wake up from the short nap, I realised that my head was on Baekhyun’s shoulder. I glance at his face, he places his head on mine and also has his eyes closed. Suddenly, I feel so comfortable with this position, knowing that most probably Baekhyun just felt pity looking at me so tired. That’s maybe the reason why he offers his shoulder for my head to rest comfortably. 

I scan his face slowly this time. From his forehead, his eyes, cute nose and to his pink pair of lips. I even realised he has a few numbers of moles on his face and I find them cute too. I’ve never seen him this close. Baekhyun’s face looks so serene when he is sleeping. Like, his masculine side has turned off and become a whole baby right now. Even though he's already 28 years old, he doesn’t look like that age at all. Still young, handsome and sometimes have that baby face. 

My fingers trying so hard to caress his face right now but obviously, it would wake him up. I check the current time as it’s already past midnight. We’ve been dozing off for quite a long time and I think it’s better for both of us continue this later. Because I don’t think we’re able to finish this overnight at this state. 

“Baekhyun…” I softly call him. But, he doesn’t budge. 

I pat his thigh gently while keep on calling him, “Baekhyun, wake up. Let’s go home, hmm?” I suggest to him. Baekhyun wakes up, pulls away from me with a stretch. His eyes are barely open that makes me chuckle seeing him in this way. 

I shut down his and my laptop, helping to clear the stuff because he’s still spacing out. He must be so tired nowadays. It makes me wonder what does he do besides attending classes because I realised, our schedules are not packed at all. Maybe, he just normally tired. Baekhyun continues his nap at this moment as I offer to prepare ourselves to get home. I don’t need to feel worried about my transportation since Baekhyun always offers to send me back home. 

Once everything is pack, I try to wake him up again. Baekhyun literally whines a bit before he rubs his eyes and looks at me with his sleepy face. “What time is it already?” He asks. His legs were spread as he stares on the floor blankly. I chuckle and take out my phone to show him the current time. “12.15 am, mister. So, let’s get back home, shall we?”

He nods slowly and grabs his stuff together with him. We leave the place and head to his car. As both of us get into the car, Baekhyun turns on the engine and spacing out. Again. He’s spacing out, staring at his steering wheel without moving even an inch. Then, he sighs. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask him with concern. Baekhyun makes me get to worry about him because he looks so blank. He turns to look at me, admiring me for a few minutes. Okay, double worry. 

I slowly slide my hand to place on his lap, looking at him anxiously. “Baekhyun, tell me, please? I’m so worried right now.” I demand him to tell me. He brings his hand to hold with mine that causes me to shock a bit. Baekhyun caresses it gently, trying to calm me down. 

“I’m so lazy to drive. Can you drive?” He asks.

“Nope! Plus, I wouldn’t dare to drive this hella expensive car.” I answer him but he only replies to me is a chuckle. Baekhyun still holding my hand as my cheeks flush but I’m grateful that it’s dark in the car. So, he can’t see me blush right now. 

Suddenly, he turns on the light. Shit. 

I bite my lower lip anxiously, trying to avoid his eye contact so that I would not blush chronically. Baekhyun tucks a strand of my hair around my ear and leans closer to me. I shift myself backwards slowly until my back bumps with the door. He looks at me, his lips curve upwards into a sweet smile. 

“Nah, I’m more alive after seeing your beautiful face. Your home, shall we, Hanbyul?” He says as I pull my hand away from his lap, buckling myself with the seatbelt. Baekhyun still has that smile on his face before he starts to drive us back to my apartment first. Throughout the whole journey, my heart couldn’t stop beating and thank God he turns on the radio. He hums to all the songs that he knows while I am sitting quietly, stealing a few glances on him when he’s driving. 

Baekhyun stops by at the petrol station to fuel up his car. He leaves me behind in the car as he’s gone to fuel up the car. I’m staring at the car’s interior design even though I already ride his car a lot of time. His phone suddenly rings. I peek at Baekhyun outside that he is still waiting to fill the tank. I don’t want to pick up the call because it would be called as invading his privacy. But, the name appears as ‘Sohyunnie’. And now I’m wondering who she is.

As soon as the rings end, Baekhyun just finishes off his business and gets back into the driver's seat. He turns on his engine but before he continues to drive, he checks his phone. I keep myself together and peek at him. Baekhyun probably calls back that Sohyunnie back because he wears his right Airpod plug into his ear. 

“Hey, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?” Baekhyun asks the caller as he continues to drive to my apartment. I listen quietly to his words even though I try hard to ignore him calling that person. He talks to the caller for a few minutes later and he laughs, chuckles plus smiles a lot too. This is another side of Baekhyun being so happy because I’ve never seen him this way before. 

“I’ll be back soon, okay? Sleep tight and I miss you too.” He ends the call and drifts the car on the empty road. 

Who is it? I let the question lingers around my mind because I will never have the answer. 

After Baekhyun sends me home, I head to my apartment and straight to my bedroom. Since I already informed Soomin that I will come back home late, she already asleep in her room. I just don’t want her to worry about me because I told her that I’ll be doing my project together with Baekhyun. She told me that even though it’s him, I still need to be careful since we don’t exactly know his background in deep. But, I assure her that Baekhyun is a good guy and he wouldn’t hurt me or even kidnap me. 

My routines are the same; shower, skincare and sleep. As I hop on the comfy bed, covering myself with the duvet and have my phone in my hands. And Baekhyun gives me a text as usual. 

[Baekhyun]: I arrive home safely but I’m too lazy to take my shower.

[Byul]: Go and get a shower, you stinky.

[Baekhyun]: Can I just go to bed without getting one?

[Byul]: Eww! We’ve been staying outside for hours and you insist to go to bed at that state? You’re crazy, Baekhyun.

[Baekhyun]: I am, huh?

[Byul]: Yes! People tend to hate someone who doesn’t take care of themselves. 

[Baekhyun]: So, if I get one, you will like me?

[Byul]: Stupid question. Of course, I will. I hate people who stink so much

[Baekhyun]: Teehee! I promise I’ll get one before I go to bed. 

I chuckle reading to his replies. He’s acting like a child right now for sure. 

[Baekhyun]: Wanna go out tomorrow?

[Byul]: Where? And when should we continue the assignment?

[Baekhyun]: I’m trying to ask you for a date and you’re here asking me back about the assignment? :(

[Byul]: Oh come on, Baekhyun. Okay fine. Where do you want to bring me out tomorrow?

[Baekhyun]: Looks like someone anticipates going out on a date with me *grin emoji*

[Byul]: I did not, okay. Say it or I’ll go to bed. Goodnight, Baekhyun.

I  lock my phone and place it on the bedside table. My phone rings a few times and I assume he keeps on calling me so I wait for a little longer, answering his call. “What is it?”

“Are you mad at me?” Baekhyun asks me with his low voice.

“I’m not. I’m just tired and want to have my sleep now.” I answer him sternly.

“Hanbyul, I’m just playing around with you. Don’t be mad at me,” He tries to coax me as I only reply to him with a few hums. 

“I’ll treat you tomorrow. How’s that sounds?” 

“Be my credit card for the whole day and also my chauffeur throughout our hangout.” I request.

Baekhyun chuckles. “I can do anything for you. You name it sweetheart and I will.” He continues saying with low voices. 

My whole body starts to heat up until I need to uncover myself from the duvet. I place my palm on my chest, feeling my heart beats rapidly. This is the first time ever, Baekhyun calls me ‘sweetheart’. I know it’s pretty normal but the way he says it, it’s really different. I’m like spacing out for a moment because that pet name effecting me. 

“Hanbyul, you still there?�� Baekhyun asks. I cough a bit to make it less obvious that I’m feeling so hot by only hearing to that name.

“Yeah, I’m here… So, tomorrow is it?”

“Yup. I’ll confirm it back later the time but be prepared, okay?” He tells me and I only answer him with a hum. A sudden long yawn escape from my mouth and Baekhyun obviously can hear it at the other side. 

“You’re cute when you’re yawning.” He chuckles again. 

“Nope. That’s a lie.”

“I’m not lying. It’s the truth.” Baekhyun denies my judgment. 

“Whatever, Byun Baekhyun. Goodbye.” I bid goodbye. 

“Goodnight, Hanbyul. Can’t wait to see you again, sweetheart.” Baekhyun bids his goodbye after wishing me goodnight. We end the call right away and I prepare myself to bed. I didn’t realise that during the whole conversation, I was smiling so wide just because of Baekhyun. 

Sleep tight too, Baekhyun.

I wake up the next morning feeling so alive and happy. Baekhyun gave me a good impact on my sleep last night. I was having difficulties to get to sleep nowadays but last night was different. After weeks of knowing him, I already consider him as my close friend. The way he treats me as a friend, as a woman is unbelievable. I know it’s kinda weird but I really anticipate our next meeting because I just want to meet and hang out with him. He’s a crazy guy with weird personalities despite being a mysterious guy. But no matter what, he is Byun Baekhyun that I met at the cafe in a good appearance that caught my eyes. 

When I leave my bedroom, I see Soomin doing business at the kitchen. “Woah, you woke up quite early today, Soomin.” I mock her before having a seat at the dining table. Seems like she’s cooking us breakfast and it’s a rare view seeing her cooking. She has a bit of talent in cooking but she’s too lazy to even steps to the kitchen. 

“Can you stay still and appreciate this beautiful view of Soomin’s cooking?” Soomin turns to look at me as she rolls her eyes annoyingly before continue to prepare the food. I laugh hard, holding my tummy because I love to make her mad. Since both of us are too busy with the project, we rarely spend time together even though during the weekends. Because I prefer to just stay home and rest when I don’t have any work shifts. While Soomin on the other hand, Sehun loves to bring her to his house and spend their lovey-dovey time. 

“Fine. Do you need any help?” I offer but she shakes her head. I walk and check on her. Soomin’s trying to cook kimchi fried rice and looks like she’s kinda struggling to read the recipe. The ingredients are all prepared on the island but she seems confused. As for now, Soomin wants to chop the kimchi but she couldn’t figure out how much she needs. I chuckle softly after seeing her doing the work diligently. 

“1⁄4 kimchi from the container would be enough for the two of us. Have you cook the rice?” I ask her as she answers ‘no’. I offer myself to help her by cooking the rice first. At least, they would already when Soomin wants to fry it. Then, I help her to prepare the basic ingredients such as onions and chillies while she cuts the raw chicken into small sizes. Both of us work together to cook the kimchi fried rice because working together, it would make the food extra delicious. This is our masterpiece. We finish it up within the range of 45 minutes and I end it up with giving a high five to her. 

“Good job!! Have you taken your morning shower already?” I ask her when she’s busy transferring the fried rice onto the plates. Soomin nods her head a few times.

“Okay, gimme 10 minutes for a quick shower please?” 

“5 minutes,” Soomin says.

“10 minutes and I’ll treat you ice cream,” I beg her with my puppy eyes. She rolls her eyes before nodding her head. I jump excitedly on the same spot, ruffling her hair and run back quickly to my bedroom. Because I make her pretty annoyed with me in the morning. I rush myself to have a quick shower and wear a plain pink t-shirt with short pants. When I go back to the dining table, Soomin already set up everything including the hot tea. I sit across her and both of us start to eat kimchi fried rice. We make a unison satisfied hum, indicating that the fried rice that we both made is delicious. 

“Are you planning to go anywhere today?” Soomin pauses for a moment and turns to look at me while questioning me. Now, I’m agitating. Would it be weird if I say Baekhyun wants to bring me out? Or is it not? 

“Kinda? Baekhyun wanna bring me out somewhere,” I answer. Her pupils dilate after hearing his name. I start to play with the rice using my spoon because I’m nervous about what will she say next. 

“Byul, do you have anything with him though? I’ve seen that you’re so close to him now,” Soomin lets out a statement. I start to fluster because she thinks I have a relationship with Baekhyun. 

“Obviously no! We’re just friends plus why would he date me though? I’m just a normal girl with nothing,” I explain, sounding a bit of disappointment. It’s kinda hurt that my whole life doesn’t have anything special with it. I used to grow up with loving parents but it ended up with no happy ending. Even though mom already happily married to father, I’m just grateful to have the people who I can call a family.

“Gosh, Byul. Can you stop saying that you’re nothing? Come on, you’re beautiful and a smart ass person. Always look at the bright side and please,” Soomin stops for a second, grabbing my hand and caresses it. “-go and find someone that can make you happy. Inside and outside. Someone’s that worth to you and treats you like a real woman. I swear love can change everything in this life. You just need to try and take a risk for it.” 

I swear, we’ve never talked about guys and I’ve never heard Soomin saying about a relationship this serious. Now the realisation hits me when both of us already turned 26 years old and within a few months before the new year, we’re turning 27. How time flies so fast that shows the way I’m growing out my youth and adult age with Soomin. No one can replace her spot as my best friend. I’m so grateful to have her but kinda sad knowing that she will leave me anytime by getting married with Sehun. It’s a relief that both of them are seriously in love with each other and I’m just hoping happiness for both of my best friends. 

“Let’s finish this food first before I tear up,” I say to her and continue eating my food. Soomin just smiles and nods her head as she continues too. We both savour the kimchi fried rice and right after we’re done eating, I offer myself to do the dishes while Soomin can clear up the dining table. At least, we can finish this fast and continue our girls talk at the living room comfortably. 

After we’re done having our breakfast, Soomin settles down on the couch while I run swiftly to my room, grabbing my phone in case there are any important notifications. Then, I plop myself right besides her and get ready to proceed with our previous conversation. Soomin suddenly becomes so quiet and that makes me worry about her. 

I bring my hands to hold with hers, caressing them. “Hey… Is there anything that disturbing you right now?” I ask her softly, didn’t want to sound like I’m forcing her to answer it. Soomin lets out an audible sigh and shakes her head. 

“It’s not that important but- Nevermind,” She resists to answer. I look at her with the softest smile that I can with a worried face. She sees me and giggles as Soomin shoves my face away to stop me making that kind of face. Finally both of us easing the tense situation. 

She releases a final sigh before continuing, “Sehun proposed me to marry him…” 

“WHAT?!! You’re not joking, right?” I shout loudly that cause her to cover both of her ears. 

“I’m so happy for both of you!!” I say but she’s only plastering me with a smile. “Anything wrong with that?” I ask her this time, trying to dig deeper into this conversation.

“Byul, you know I love him so much right?” She asks me as I nod my head. “-but marriage is going to be a big responsibility to me, to Sehun. We’re going to commit a risk and I don’t think I’m ready despite me and Sehun to have been together for 5 years.”

“Then, what if he finds me boring after we get married and just leave me alone behind?... I’m just… scared to lose him.” Soomin explains more about it as she sounds like she’s going to tear up. I lift her head to look into my eyes, wiping the tears that escape. 

“Soomin, Sehun is an incredible man and we both know that he never loved anyone else except you. Being scared in a relationship is normal but the most important thing is the trust in each other. Sehun would never leave you behind because he’s crazy in love with you, Soomin. It’s obvious! But, if you’re not ready to commit a new responsibility, talk to him. He will listen and understand. Trust me. Sehun is the same guy that we knew back in previous years. He’ll never change. Believe in each other and you guys will be forever to eternity.” I try to put everything in words, hoping she will understand everything and accept it. Soomin pauses for a moment without blinking her eyes then suddenly she pulls me for a big hug, tearing up. I caress her back up and down to calm her down. It feels good to know that she finally bursts out all her worries to me because at least we could share different opinions. 

“Oh come on, don’t cry. You’re being a baby. Pfft.” I snigger but she still hugging me. When she starts to calm down, she breaks the hug and wipes her tears as her lips curve upwards. Suddenly, my phone rings at the wrong timing. I try to decline the call but Soomin insists for me to answer it. So I did. I look at the caller name and it’s finally Baekhyun.

“Hello! What are you doing? Did I disturb your sleep?” Baekhyun greets as he asks me. 

“Baekhyun it’s like 10:30 am and you think I’m still sleeping?” I say and I can hear him chuckling. 

“I’m going to pick you up at 1 pm so we can have our lunch together.”

“Alright. See you later then?” I say and he hums. Before I get to end the call, Baekhyun gets to continue, “See you, beautiful.” 

I end the call with my heart’s fluttering but I put away my phone on the coffee table. Soomin has calmed down completely and waiting for me to say anything regarding the call. “Byun Baekhyun, is it?” She questions me and I can only nod my head. 

“He’s going to pick you up?”

“At 1,” I say shortly. 

“Take care then. Don’t let me kill him if he ever breaks your heart,” Soomin finally speaks the most important part and I can only laugh at it. 

“We’re just friends, Soomin. Nothing more than that.” I confess to her the truth but she only glares fiercely that makes me throw a pillow on her. Within a few seconds later, we start a pillow fight in the living room. It’s good to have this quality time with her because I don’t even know when’s the next time.

I get myself to wear a beige turtleneck shirt in long sleeve and a long brown skirt to pair with it. Since it’s getting cold outside, at least I have the initiative to keep myself warm throughout the hang out with Baekhyun. After I bid goodbye with Soomin, I head straight to the lobby using the lift and wait for Baekhyun to arrive. Then, the same familiar black Audi car stops in front of me so I get into the passenger seat and greet him with a wide smile. Once I buckle up myself, I realise that the car doesn’t move at all and Baekhyun is busy admiring me. 

He smirks silently and starts to drive the car with his one hand on the steering wheel. Baekhyun being extra annoying yet attractive nowadays. I think my heart needs to be stronger whenever he tries to make it beating like crazy. 

“Where are we going?” I curiously ask as I turn to look at him. 

Baekhyun stealing a few glances from the road, “COEX Mall. We’ll get our lunch first and we can roam around the mall. You can shop too if you want,” He suggests to me.

“Have you been to any cinema recently?”I ask him. Baekhyun shakes his head a few times. 

“Then, can we watch any movies after we have lunch? It’s been months since the last I step on the cinema though. Pretty please?” It’s my turn to suggest but I didn’t realise that I sound like a begging child. Baekhyun lets out low chuckles before he nods his head. I squeal softly in excitement because he allows me to watch a movie. And I couldn’t wait to watch the movie with Byun Baekhyun for our first time. Together. 

“What are you going to do during our first-semester break, Baekhyun?” I question him and savour a spoonful of spaghetti. I ordered spaghetti carbonara while he, on the other hand, ordered lamb chop. He forces me to eat at the western restaurant so here we are right now. It’s quite fancy but Baekhyun offers to treat me but I opted the less pricey food for my lunch meal. 

“I don’t know? Probably staying and chilling at my house. And, playing video games I guess?” He answers while looking at me eating. 

“Only playing video games? Sounds so boring. Boo~” I mock him as I giggle that makes him chuckle. 

“Okay. At least, my holiday will become so hectic with my work shifts and might only get home only to sleep.” I finish my last bite and wipe off my mouth with a clean cloth. Baekhyun nods his head, hearing me diligently while trying to finish his food up. 

“I’ll visit you often. No worries because I think I’m going to miss your coffee if I don’t get any during the break.” He confesses that he loves the coffee drinks that I make so much. After hearing his confession, I only able to chuckle softly. 

I’m about to ask further about where he lives now and is he staying alone or with his family. But, Baekhyun makes me cancel my plan because he calls the waiter to ask for the bill. Once the waiter comes with the bill, Baekhyun doesn’t check on it but instead, he straightly gives his credit card. Now, he makes me more curious about his background. Maybe, he was born in a rich family so I don’t doubt that from the way of his living. 

“The cinema, shall we?” He asks and I say ‘yes’ straight away. 

We head straight to the cinema as we stare at the current movies showing on the monitor screen. “What are we going to watch?” I move to stand in front of him as I ask. Baekhyun is obviously taller than me because my chin is approximately at his shoulders but our height differences are perfect. He looks down to face me, staring into my eyes differently. 

“You can choose anything that you want to watch, Hanbyul. Because I’m going to look at you during the whole movie,” He answers. I hit his chest lightly because he’s trying to be cheesy and it’s not good for my heart’s health. Baekhyun breaks into laughter and pushes me to the counter. “Go and choose anything. I don’t mind.” He says.

I roll my eyes and finally choose a movie; Five Feet Apart. It’s a melancholic romance movie and I’ve been anticipating to watch it. So, this is my chance. He is willing to pay the tickets because he keeps repeating that he already promised me to pay everything for today. And I couldn’t stop him. Once we’ve got our tickets, I excused myself to go to the ladies’ room while waiting for our movie hall. 

When I leave the ladies’ room and head back to Baekhyun, I’m seeing him talking with a woman. She has her hand on his shoulder as she was kinda close to Baekhyun. But, he doesn’t budge at all. I walk towards them as when Baekhyun realises I’m back, he calls my name. 

“I’ll see you later. Goodbye, Baekhyun oppa and enjoy your movie!” She bids goodbye and Baekhyun just plasters a smile. 

“Who is it? Your friend?” I curiously ask him. 

“Yeah,” He simple answers. Suddenly, our hall has been called. “Let’s go in already.” 

I follow him from behind and walk to our hall. There are only a few people in the hall as I sit comfortably besides Baekhyun. We wait for the advertisements to play before the movie starts so I already open the popcorn and start munching. As I tilt my head to offer the popcorn, Baekhyun stares at me. 

“Popcorn?” I offer and he suddenly opens up his mouth. Is he expecting me to feed him? What should I do? 

I give the whole popcorn to him, “Feed yourself, big boy.” I giggle when I can see him pouting even though the hall is currently dark. He scoffs softly and digs into the popcorn, munching them. The movie starts as I have my full attention on the big widescreen. While busy eating and drinking, I feel kinda uncomfortable. I slowly turn to face him, Baekhyun’s currently looking at me. 

“Why are you staring at me?” I go closer to him and whisper because I don’t want to get scolded by the others from talking loudly. 

“I already told you that I’m only looking at you.” He says. My heart stops for a second. 

“Come on, Baekhyun. It’s a great movie!” I partially beg and force him to watch the movie as Baekhyun chuckles softly before averting his gaze to the screen. I continue to watch the movie when I confirm that he will not stare at me because he will make me go all flush. And I couldn’t focus on the movie afterwards. 

 After the movie ended, I have my eyes swollen with tears because the movie got me wailing hard and Baekhyun can only offer his napkin to me. We leave the hall and I still have my red eyes. He has his hands keep in the pocket as he chuckles. 

“Are you laughing at me, Mr Baekhyun?” I stop in my tracks and glare at him. Baekhyun changes his expression from a happy to normal face. I ignore him, leaving him behind as an act of revenge. He chases me from behind. 

“Where do you want to go next? Shopping?” Baekhyun walks right beside me while waiting for my answer. 

When I was about to do so, someone calls my name. “Hanbyul!” 

“Oh my god! Kim Jongin!” I jog to the person and hug him into my arms. Baekhyun was left clueless at behind, witnessing me hugging a guy right in front of him.

[kekekentyuh]

Tomorrow, Today

Jinyoung heard the engine die down abruptly as the old pick-up truck came to a short pause, prompting him to tear his eyes from where he was looking out the window to look at his friend by the driver's seat, said friend's hands still clenched against the steering wheel.

"Is there a reason why we're stopping?"

Jaebum just blinked, in obvious awe with his surroundings, closing his gaping mouth as he replied, "Let's hang here for a bit."

The expression in the former's face shifted almost instantly from confusion to pure disbelief. "This is the middle of nowhere."

Jaebum turned around to push the handle of the creaky pick-up truck door open. "I'm well aware."

"The car is parked in the middle of the road."

"I can see that, too."

"The lodge is still, like, a half-hour away." Jaebum stood a few inches from the car's front end, looking up at the soaring pine trees around them in what looked like genuine curiosity in his eyes; Jinyoung rolled his own, feeling his irises strike the top of his eyelids, and pushed his car door open and stepped out, figuring his friend was far-off to hear any call, judging by both his distance from the car and the way he looked at the trees, not tearing them off of them even for a second to look at him.

They’d stopped in front of a red-and-white flared sign at an intersection, four angry arrows pointing to both their left and their right, seemingly mocking them with that angry hue and insulting warning: CROSSROADS AHEAD. Jaebum had stopped the car a few inches from the white line that marked the end of the road, had stepped a few feet beside the signs to stare at the fine wisps of pine above him, through mountains and mountains of trees cascading as fas the eyes can see, his blue shirt and chocolate trousers seemingly blending in with the bright, unreal colors of everything around them. Jinyoung continued to look at him like he was crazy, like he always did, and sighed in extreme exasperation.

“This is insane. We can’t stop now, Jaebum. We’ve been traveling for a day straight just so we can catch up. I bought a shitload of snacks to stuff the backseat so we wouldn’t have to stop driving. We even scheduled our bathroom breaks so we could make it for the rehearsal dinner.” He could hear Jaebum’s steps on the pavement, like fading echoes as the distance grew. “We’re going to be late.” 

Jaebum backed up a few steps, tilting his head some more, eyeing the tips of trees, which were a luscious shade of mint green, cool to the eyes, a sight of relief for the brightness around them. Jinyoung looked at him intently with both his eyebrows raised, unable to understand why he was so distracted. “Were you even listening to me?”

Jaebum squinted his small eyes in an attempt to disregard the distance. “Woodpeckers.”

Jinyoung blinked. “What?”

“There may be woodpeckers up the tops of those trees.” His tone was hushed but factual; silent but guarded and sure. “You can see the leaves rustling.” Jinyoung immediately snapped his head to the direction he was pointing at, finding, sure enough, a subtle small rustling within the crevices of the leaves that could indicate the presence of a small, wood chipping bird, then snapped his head immediately back, mentally slapping himself for letting Jaebum distract him in the middle of an interrogation.

“We need to go,” he asserted, looking directly at his friend with the best piercing gaze he could muster. “Let’s get to the car.”

Jaebum continued to inspect the trees, dragging his feet along the deep gray pavement. “We’re not in a rush.”

“We’re wasting time.”

“The rehearsal dinner doesn’t start for another four hours.”

Jinyoung glanced at the black leather-strapped watch slung around his wrist. He hated it when he was right. “We haven’t really arrived yet.”

“The cabins are not too far from here. It’s just over the pond and across the big, green rice field, and we’re there. And besides—” Jaebum looked over at him, the first time he’s looked since he left the car, “—I’m driving.”

Jinyoung, who was still yet to learn how to drive a car, let along ignite the engine, grimaced. “I paid for the gas, asshole.”

“You won’t need gas when you’re not driving, dumbass.”

“Don’t call me that,” Jinyoung snapped back, very evidently beginning to lose his patience. “We need to go. Get in the car.”

“We still have time, Jinyoung.”

“But we’ve not yet dressed appropriately, we still need to cha—”

“I’ll get us there faster.”

“But—”

“God, Jinyoung! C’mon! Calm down!” Jinyoung bit back the complaint at the tip of his tongue, his mouth left agape as he stared at Jaebum in disbelief. “It’s fine. It’s not like we still have the rest of the country to cover at this point. It’s just a small break. We’re not in a hurry.” 

Jaebum looked back at his friend, whose nostrils were flaring at arms were crossed firmly around his torso, ears red in frustration. “And besides, it’s not like my sister’s going to mind if I show up late. And my mom really couldn’t care any less.” He sighed. “Trust me. If we get there early, we’ll be lying on the sofa beds reading dusty old books because the dingy ancient television set doesn’t work anymore. I’d rather we get there late.”

Jinyoung side-eyed him, which was the only thing he could do without bruising him, or slapping him, or inflicting any sort of damage to his face before his sister’s rehearsal dinner. His line of sight was almost cut off by the shining sun, peeking beneath the shade of the trees in a beautiful shade of color he can’t quite make out, feeling it against his skin, like it was kissing him. He’d been to Jaebum’s family’s log cabin farm way back since they were children, and it’d always been beautiful and mesmerizing, with a breathtaking view of the mountaintops by the balconies and lakes that shone like diamonds during sunny days; it was no question why Nayeon would want to get married there. 

But it never occurred to him how much more the way there had to offer.

“What exactly do we do here, then?” 

Jaebum turned to him, with an unsure look on his face as he stood there, savoring the sunlight, too. But, almost immediately, he smiled, and turned away. “I told you. We’re here to take a break.”

The guy placed a palm on the pavement, as if feeling the earth beneath it, knowing its temperature, and, in less than a split of a second, was lying down, one arm behind his head, the other resting quaintly on his stomach, eyes closed to the endless shower of sun dust in front of him.

“You’re crazy,” Jinyoung went, his eyes wider than an owl’s. “You’ve gone mad. You stopped driving at the middle of a road in an Edward Cullen-like Twilight pine tree forest just so you can lie down on the pavement?” Jaebum’s lips curved into a small, slender smile, his eyes tightly bound shut, letting out a small, hushed chuckle. “You’re insane.”

“You’re welcome to join me, you know.” Jinyoung almost laughed. “It’s only the two of us here. Edward’s probably not coming.”

“I am not lying down at the middle of a highway, Jaebum.”

Jaebum nodded. “Suit yourself. But can you scoot a little bit further? Just right by your left. You’re blocking my sunlight.”

Jinyoung felt his nostrils flare, his jaw clench, and his veins stretch, almost to a popping point. He didn’t know why he was doing this, and he didn’t understand its actual point, but the minute he realized it, he was lying down perpendicularly to his friend, both his hands resting on his chest, after grunts and groans, his cream jacket and newly-steamed khaki bottoms now scrubbing against the pavement. God, Jaebum is so stupid.

“See? Not so bad, now, isn’t it?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

For a while, none of them spoke; Jinyoung found it peaceful, like the kind of momentous peace he didn’t know he needed. The serenity spoke to him in volumes — it was just him, Jaebum, and the forest, with its scaping, singing pine trees that danced in the wind, its bright, still sunlight that caressed their cheeks, and its distant whistling summer breeze, laying him peacefully against the earth. Something like this actually felt nice — to empty one’s head of all the thoughts and worries, and just be within a moment, peaceful, serene, and settled, not letting anything pierce the glass that kept you from reeling back to reality. And with the way he knew Jaebum was getting some rest, too, after driving since dawn, he wished time could pause until they both felt like continuing the journey — but it couldn’t.

Jaebum’s voice then came at the hushed tone he’d heard before, the same hushed tone he uses when he’s thinking and wants to know something. “How’s uni?”

Jinyoung looked up at him to see his legs now crossed in the air, his eyes still squeezed shut. “What do you mean? Like how’s everything there? Or how is it going for me?”

“You know what I mean,” he replied without moving his face, keeping a still, serene stature.

Jinyoung resumed his original position, looking at the tips of the pines that poked the sky, subtle shadows reflected against his forehead. “It’s all going well, I suppose. I’m working towards raising my GPA. You know, so I can become valedictorian.”

“Sounds like a plan,” his friend mutters, the subtle pride and contentment evident in his voice. “You’re going to do great.”

“Hope so,” he replied with the exact opposite energy: unsure, and confused. “How about you? You still at that internship with the big-shot producer?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

“They didn’t mention it being a coffee-making job. I could’ve stopped by a Starbucks and asked for a job and they would’ve given me the same shit. But at least I’d get paid.” Jinyoung almost laughed, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “But, you know, it’s tight. I’m learning a lot. This is more studio time I’ve experienced in my life. It’s bomb.”

Jinyoung smiled. “Glad it’s working out for you.”

Then the question popped in his head, even though he knew it wasn’t supposed to. It was one of those questions that took more energy to keep than to ask, and, knowing himself, he wouldn’t survive a minute without having to let it rip.

“Have you ever thought about what you’re going to do next, Jae?”

“Oh, easy. I’m going to get up, walk to the car, check the gas and turn the eng—”

“No, not that, you shit.” Jaebum snickered, a laugh Jinyoung hadn’t heard in a while, and was glad to have heard. “Like, after your internship ends. Do you know what you’re going to do?”

Jaebum was silent, and for a moment, Jinyoung thought he’d taken it too far. Jaebum wasn’t one to share his thoughts with anyone, even with him, who was his best friend for seven years, even if there was a gun pointed right at the side of his head. All of it was hot water.

But he replied with a frank “No.”

“You don’t?”

“No fucking clue.” Jinyoung fell silent as well, trying to think of the next best thing to say. “What about you?”

He hesitated for a moment, biting his lip to avoid embarrassing himself, but quickly reminded himself that he had nothing to lose with Jaebum. “I have no fucking clue, too.”

“Really? Well, that’s new.”

Jinyoung looked up at him again, curious. “It is?”

“Yeah. You’re Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung. You always have a plan. Nothing comes through without a plan, right?” Jinyoung redirected himself to look at the blue sky, unsure of what to say next. He knew he was Jinyoung — he didn’t need to be told twice — but he didn’t feel like himself anymore. Something was missing. 

“You know, when we were still in school, everyone said you’d do great things when we grew up. You’d become a doctor, or a lawyer, or all that good stuff. You always got the stars, and always got the first option in desserts because you always shone in class. All of the teachers I knew loved you.”

Loved, Jinyoung thought. The keyword here is loved.

“That was years ago, Jaebum, we’re not kids anymore.”

“Yeah, but not much has changed, right? You’re still doing well in school, consistently doing well with academics, and balancing work with your clubs and groups. You’re veering towards becoming valedictorian and being groomed for medical school because they know you’re going to be one of the best they’ll ever know.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re the most intelligent, talented, most gifted person I have ever met, and I’m always going to be proud of you for it.”

Jinyoung stays silent as Jaebum stopped, letting him flow out of his mind uninterrupted. He knew the past few weeks had been rough for him, as he struggled incessantly to keep so many aspects of his life together, and he consistently had to do it alone. This, Jinyoung figured, was the first time he was talking to anyone about it.

“Meanwhile, I was just your friend.”

Jinyoung’s face froze, his eyes blinking tensely. “What?”

“You know. Growing up, I was always just your friend. Jinyoung’s friend, the guy he hands out with. The one who looked like he could cut a snake up and tie it around your neck like a choker.”

He knew not to laugh at this remark, even though it seemed like Jaebum wanted him to laugh. “Jaebum, that’s not true.”

“It is,” he replied, with no inch of anger evident in his voice. “People always wondered why I hung out with you, or why you chose to stay with me, because so many thought you were too good for me, or you had more things to do with your time than waste it with me. You had a bright future ahead of you, and I was just some runover waiting to throw his life away.” Jinyoung couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Guess they were right.”

He snapped his head up, felt his legs graze against the rough surface as he punched his friend’s arm with all the might he could muster, said friend groaning in response. “What was that for?”

“Your breath was starting to smell like bullshit.”

Jaebum’s eyes both widened and narrowed in confusion. “What?”

“You were my friend because you were kind to me, Jaebum,” Jinyoung began, looking him dead in the eyes. “You were one of the only people who I could be friends with my whole life that didn’t want anything from me, who didn’t want to cheat off me for a test or get something from me because they knew I knew. You were one of the only people that ever entered my life that never told me what I had to do with my life, like what I wanted for myself was more of a choice than destiny because you saw me past my skills.” Jinyoung felt his lip tremble. “You were true, Jaebum, and that’s more than what I needed.”

“Jinyoung—”

“Everyone expects me to make the right move, the right decision because they say they know I’ll do great things one day, even though they clearly don’t know anything about what I want for myself. I’ve always hated anyone who said that, and hearing that from you stung way more than it could have ever gotten.”

Jaebum sat up, not breaking eye contact, and sighed. “I’m sorry—”

“I’m not perfect, Jaebum. I do well in school, but I’m not perfect. I haven’t figured out what I really want, because all my life, people have hounded me and pushed me towards paths they say will be great for me. But now that I get to decide if I really want to become something — something other than this doctor they expect me to just breeze through — I can’t, because I never truly understood what it meant to know myself.” Jinyoung’s lip trembled with every word, and Jaebum couldn’t come any closer. “That’s something you get to do that I’ll always envy. You’re brave, Jae. And you know yourself more than I could ever do myself.”

Jinyoung buried his head beneath his arms, his legs tucked towards his center as the silence befell on them once again. Jaebum stared at him intently, letting his glances dance from the light color of the white lines that decorated the center of the stretching road, to the light color of Jinyoung’s shirt, that gleamed ethereally under the sunlight. He amassed himself to speak again.

“Y’know, I’m kind of glad we’re sitting down here in the middle of the road.” Jinyoung slowly picked his head up, an exasperated, distinct type of sadness evident in his eyes, staring straight into Jaebum’s. 

“Why?” he asked, in a toned-down version of his anger from before.

“It’s kind of telling me something.” He stood up, kicking the underside of his friend’s shoe in the process, signaling him to stand up with him, but he went on before him. “I’ve never once looked at this beautiful road before, even though I’d been coming to the cabins my whole life, and it’s always because I’m too busy minding my shit, or looking forward to what’s ahead. I spend a lot of time spacing out to think about what I’m going to see when it’s not even there, and I’m really not even ready to see any of it yet.”

He looked back to see Jinyoung, hair disheveled and hand stuffed in pockets, socked feet together, staring back at him again. “You get what I mean, right?”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow. “You’re too young and built to be a wise old man.” He nodded slightly in affirmation. “But I do.” 

Jaebum offered him a smile, the kind, genuine, it’s going to be okay one, and the other rolled his eyes a little bit before smiling as well, stepping forward to stand beside his friend, looking at the side opposite of where their vehicle was facing: the long, winding road they’d already taken, the bumps and cracks they’d passed and survived, all the signs they’d seen and ignored and ones they’d seen and thought about ignoring, but didn’t. It was a lot.

“If there’s one thing we both need to hear,” Jinyoung said, brushing himself and Jaebum off from the sidewalk gravel on their backs, “it’s that we’re right where we need to be, always.” Jaebum smiled and nodded. “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there. And we’ll get there soon.”

“Yeah, we will.”

[floralseokjin]

— crystallised 04 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past…fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart… Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings;  college au, flashback indicated by italics (smut), slight angst, quite a lot of fluff, slow burn in a way, we’re still soft for moam seokjin 🤧 words; 24,347

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

Yoongi came to pick up his things a few days after the break up like he said he would. The toothbrush and the razor left in your bathroom, a beanie, his hoody that he kept draped over your couch and then a pair of earphones you’d found on your bedside table. It all fitted into one bag. All you had to show for your relationship. All that was left. Once again, you were left wondering if you felt this way because of a broken heart, or if it was your own bitter disappointment at yet another failed relationship… This one wasn’t supposed to end like this. Yoongi was different, yet now you stood in front of him feeling like a stranger. Strange how things could change in a blink of an eye. When you finally stopped living in a dream world… 

“There’s really nothing that we can do?” 

You couldn’t help it. Despite knowing this wasn’t meant to be, knowing Yoongi and you weren’t right together, there was something still so desperate in you. Desperate for love, for happiness. It was pathetic really. Were you really willing to hold onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to be? You tried to think of Lina’s words of comfort as Yoongi shook his head sadly and embraced you. “Just because Yoongi is pretty much perfect doesn’t mean he’s right for you, and that’s okay. You’ll meet someone who is soon enough… Quit obsessing over it. It’ll only hurt more.”

You wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing him tight just like your eyes. The way he smelt so familiar made your heart clench, seeming to beat in slow motion. Everything about him was familiar, but it didn’t seem like yours anymore. He wasn’t yours anymore, if he ever was… The past few days had made you think about a lot. The differences between Yoongi and you, ones that were probably small and meaningless but now seemed like enormous gaping holes in your doomed relationship. Lina was right. Yoongi was perfect, but he wasn’t your perfect. You needed to let that sink in and let him go. 

The strange thing was, once he left, you didn’t feel like crying. The morning had been nerve wracking while waiting for him to turn up, afraid you were going to burst into tears at seeing his face and make a fool of yourself, but it never came. There was sadness of course, but it just stayed heavy in your chest, there, but bearable. You phoned Lina shortly after, explaining what happened and told her how you felt. “That’s a good thing, right? No more tears”, she’d asked, and you had to agree. This was it. Things were back to how they used to be before Yoongi. That wasn’t a bad thing, it would just take some getting used to. You’d slowly feel less sad, less empty and more yourself. 

Lina asked if you wanted her to come over before work for a little while, just to keep you company but you declined. You’d be fine, you were fine. You needed to get used to being alone again, because since you’d told her about the break up she’d been like your second shadow. You’d only just gotten rid of her yesterday, because, yes, she had insisted on sleeping over 3 nights in a row, and yes, you had told her about the threesome-that-should-never-be-mentioned… You should have waited until she wasn’t chewing on popcorn to drop the bomb because you were about two seconds away from performing the Heimlich maneuver on her before the piece luckily dislodged itself. 

She was still trying to process the information to be honest, second guessing her opinion on Yoongi, because yes, she expected that type of behaviour from Seokjin, but Yoongi?! That was different. She couldn’t work out why he’d agreed to it… She couldn’t work out why you had agreed to it… But you weren’t about to dissect your brain to find the answers. It had happened, it was done. History. “Is it though? Seokjin’s sniffing around again pretty quickly…” had been her retort, to which you’d rolled your eyes at. Telling her you’d also hung out the night after the break up had been a mistake if she was going to make insane assumptions.  “We’re going to try being friends…” You’d sighed, knowing it was probably never going to get through to her. 

“TRY?! What does that mean? Do not tell me you’re even thinking about going back there?!”

“Of course not.” You’d punctuated slowly, glaring at her. “It means we’ve never been just friends before and we want to try because believe it or not, I like Seokjin as a person. Maybe if you looked past your poor misjudgement you’d see he’s not that bad.” 

“Seems fake, but okay.” 

You had to shut yourself up in the end, unsure why you were so defensive over him to begin with. Seokjin probably didn’t give a shit what Lina thought about him. So you shook your head, dismissing the stupid conversation. “Trust me, if Seokjin wanted to sleep with me again, he’d just say it outright. He doesn’t work under false pretences.” 

It was dumb even saying the words. Seokjin and you were also done, just like you and Yoongi. History. The only difference was there was little damage done between you both, a friendship could still happen. With Yoongi, despite what he said, it seemed impossible to be just friends right now. You knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt you, and you knew the break up was the right choice, but now your trust in him was a little tainted…

Lina had relented anyway, knowing it was none of her business to interfere, just like she relented when you insisted you could handle today on your own. There were floors to vacuum, laundry to wash, Netflix series to binge… You’d be fine. Although, when your phone rang again ten minutes later you were 95% sure it was her again, unable to take no for an answer. However, it wasn’t. 

It was Seokjin. You felt oddly nervous when you answered. You hadn’t seen him nor heard his voice since the other night he’d come around with take out, but you’d messaged on and off in between, and yes, you had wished him luck for his test. It was still a little new, this friendship thing, and it seemed you both didn’t know how to get it to progress without feeling awkward. He sounded awkward now as he spoke… 

“Hey… How are you?” He didn’t give you time to reply. “How did things with Yoongi go? Unless he hasn’t been yet–Has he been yet? Sorry,” he broke off to chuckle quietly at himself. “I’m bombarding you. I just… I wanted to see if you’re okay…” 

That touched you, made your chest warm, a smile appearing on your face that you were kinda glad he couldn’t see right now. “I’m fine, Dad.” 

“Dad?” He repeated, confused laughter now ringing in your ears. “You know I don’t like being called that.” 

You rolled your eyes, but at the same time not quite believing he’d gone there. Automatically your mind went places. You and him. A few months back. That was dangerous territory. You shook your head, physically shaking the memories away. “There’s a difference, Jin. Dad means you’re acting like my literal dad right now.” 

“Ew,” he simply replied, before he paused. He sounded hesitant when he continued. “I can tell by your voice that everything’s okay?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed lightly. You’d mentioned to Seokjin that today was the day last night through text, but you weren’t expecting him to phone and check up on you. That was sweet of him. “Yoongi left about half an hour ago. Took his stuff. I didn’t cry, so that’s good.” 

“Definitely,” Seokjin agreed quietly. 

You could hear people chattering in the background, guessing he was out in public somewhere. You absentmindedly stretched your arm above your head, catching yourself in the mirror where you stood and carried on talking. “So now I guess that’s it. I get used to being a lonely, old cat lady – just without the cats.” 

That made him snicker. You smiled. You always did like making him laugh. “Shut up. Hey, are you staying at home today?” 

“Mhm hm,” you nodded. Unable to help feeling a little curious. 

“Oh.” There was a pause, and you wondered if that was it. Was he just making small talk? It had sounded like he was about to suggest something. You waited patiently. Maybe a little hopefully. You heard him take a large breath. At least it sounded that way. “I’m in the Starbucks near campus trying to hit 2k words on this essay. Wanna join me?” 

You caught yourself smiling again. You’d been right. “Won’t you get distracted?” 

He scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.” Before quickly backtracking. “Just kidding.” As if you didn’t know. “Can’t you bring some work along? We can motivate each other.” 

Hm. You had already told Lina you were going to stay in and do housework but fresh air seemed like something that could do you good. There was no point staying inside and moping around, plus, you could make a start on some assignments… “I do have something in by Thursday.” You made up your mind instantly. 

“Perfect.” 

“Give me half an hour.” 

You were a little longer than that. You needed to brush your hair, then change, because 2-day old sweats probably weren’t acceptable. Somewhere along the way you decided to apply some make up, the first time since the break up. It was really no big deal, you could’ve gone without, but it felt good to feel a little more human again. You grabbed what you needed and text Seokjin you were leaving. Starbucks was only about a ten-minute walk away so he knew when to roughly expect you. You were oddly excited. It had been a few days since you’d last seen him and if you were being honest, you’d been wondering when the next chance to hang out would arise. 

He greeted you with a, “Got you a tea. Two sugars. Just how you like it,” which for some reason struck at heartstring. 

“You remembered.” 

“Of course.” He gave a little shrug as you pulled up the chair opposite him. “It wasn’t that long ago, plus you’re like the only person I know who hates coffee.” 

That was true. He’d found it out the first time you’d (accidentally) slept over. Handing you a coffee in the morning definitely didn’t make you happy. Nor did not having any tea bags in his apartment. He soon learnt. 

“What’s your essay on?” You asked, motioning to his laptop and laughed when he pulled a face. 

“I don’t know. Something about the London stock market or some shit.” 

“How come Kim Seokjin majors in the most boring subject known to man?” 

“I’m hardly fun, am I?” He chuckled. Thinking about it, Seokjin was probably the dorkiest certified fuckboy you’d ever known, so maybe the business major did suit him really well. He was a good boy really. You teased him with that immediately when he judged you for pulling an iPad out of your bag to write your essay. (Who writes essays on an iPad?!) A good boy who always did his assignments on time (nearly) and always studied hard. How adorable. 

He took your ribbing all afternoon, even though surprisingly you did manage to get some work done. You probably would’ve stayed there until an employee kicked you out but Seokjin had a shift at the campus gym to get to. It was in your direction home, so you said you’d walk with him as you waited for him to shove his things into his backpack. 

“You look happier today,” he smiled your way as you left. Maybe he’d wanted to tell you that sooner considering how his shoulders relaxed a lot more as you began walking. The side eyes hadn’t gone amiss. 

“I have make up on.” You informed him. That could deceive anyone. 

He laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. “That’s not it.” Another side eye, a small small. 

“What?” You giggled. Maybe you did feel happier? You were so sure today would hurt the hardest, but in actual fact, you just felt lighter. The worst was done. 

“Nothing,” Seokjin shook his head lightly. “I just thought you’d be really cut up, that’s all.” 

“What do you want from me?” You exclaimed dramatically with a laugh. “Want me to be crying on your shoulder?!” You nudged him this time. He stumbled a little and you rolled your eyes, unable to tell if he was just messing with you. 

“No,” he whined. “I want this. Hearing your laugh again. You rolling your eyes at me. Watch it.” He warned, pointing his finger as he caught you doing it again. “You’ll lose them.” You both laughed together as you walked on. Yes, maybe it was slightly awkward, conversation stunted because Seokjin was still second guessing his comforting skills and you were unsure on how much to divulge in fear of making him too uncomfortable. Not that you really had much to tell anymore. You mostly just wanted to forget this horror of a week, so really, Seokjin was doing a great job. You told him just as much. 

“Thank you.” He looked comically unsure as he glanced at you. “For today. I’m happier because this cheered me up.”

 A crooked smile appeared on his face but you barely had any time to acknowledge it because you were taken by surprise when his arm wrapped around your shoulder. It took you a stunted moment to realise he was swiftly moving you out of harms way. Two seconds away from colliding with a man in suit who was looking down at his phone as he headed towards you. Embarrassingly, your own body had acted without command and it was too late to stop your own arm from clinging around his middle. Like a reflex. A strange and stupid reflex. You quickly removed it and and muttered your thanks. 

If he noticed your awkwardness he didn’t bring it up. Instead, chuckling under his breath, he squeezed your shoulder before sliding away. “I’m getting good at this friendship thing.” You nodded in agreement, gaze locked on the floor, but his sudden voice in your ear made you jump. “I’m glad you’re okay.” It was embarrassing, how skittish you felt over nothing. What was up with you? You were definitely allowed to touch Seokjin, and the action shouldn’t make you feel so embarrassed. You were being dumb. You shook yourself internally, looking up at him to agree. “Me too.” 

He grinned, showing no signs he’d noticed your odd behaviour and you relaxed, a little more normal now when you felt his palm at the small of your back, gently pushing you forward. “Come on. Before my boss slits my throat.” 

The walk wasn’t too long away from the gym, but you still scolded him as you rushed, wondering why you couldn’t have left earlier if he knew he had to get to work. You arrived at the glass doors a little out of breath and slightly warm. Seokjin was of course looking as perfect as always. No blemishes on his face while you had to hide about 4 today with concealer. You saw him off with a, “Good luck finishing that really boring essay,” wondering silently when you’d get to see him next. 

He grinned. “Thanks. I’ll need it. Hey–” His hand reached for your wrist, stopping you from leaving as you turned, and you tilted your head, wondering what he could want. He shuffled on his feet, suddenly unable to meet your eyes. “This sounds really random… You can say no if you want to.” He paused to shrug. “It’s just I really want to see Endgame but everyone I know is going with their girlfriends so unless I third wheel—which I doubt they’ll let me anyway, I have no one to go with…” He stopped to glance at you, sounding hopeful. “What do you say?” 

Your eyebrows creased together. “What’s Endgame?” Either you were really dumb or Seokjin was just forgetting who he was talking to. Maybe it was a bit of both by the sounds of his voice. 

“Serious?” Your blank expression told him that you were. He whined your name dramatically, clocking into work now the last thing on his mind. “It’s the new Avengers movie. The Avengers. Please tell me you know what I’m on about because otherwise we cannot be friends.”

“Of course I know what you’re on about. I just didn’t know there was a new movie, that’s all.” You shrugged and he looked instantly relieved. “I’ll come with you. Hate for you to be a loner.” 

“Really?” He sounded surprised.

You nodded with a hum. “I’ll have no clue what’s going on, but it’s fine.” 

“I’ll fill you in. Come on, you know Iron Man, right?” 

“Yes,” you exhaled. You weren’t completely stupid. “I know Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr is pretty hot.” He paused at that, visibly bemused. Whatever. You said what you said. 

“Go!” You exclaimed instead, waving your hand. He was going to be late, and you weren’t having him being fired on your conscience. “Before your boss slits that pretty little throat of yours.” 

Shit. Pretty?? Why had that left your mouth? You could tell by his small smirk he caught on too. You tried to hide the shock from your face. No big deal. It was a just a saying. You turned on cue, ready to dash. “I’ll text you tomorrow? We can work out when we’re both free?” 

You nodded quickly, turning to wave. “Bye, Seokjin.” 

.

.

…And with that your friendship began. At first it was… odd. Not a bad odd by any means, just weird. Weird to have him back in your life and weird in the way it was. Not even a year ago you’d found it hard to believe you were fuck buddies, in the loosest form of friendship, but now it was just buddy, and that was equally as hard to believe. At first. 

Once the bizarreness wore off, Seokjin’s company became so natural there didn’t seem to be a day that went past where you didn’t contact one another in some form or even hang out together. It was like he’d never not been there. Only this time it was better. You both agreed. 

Friendship blossoming between the two of you may have seemed impossible to others, considering the history that you shared, Hell, it had even seemed impossible to you, but it came easily and naturally. You enjoyed learning new things about him, and you thought it was the same for him. Why else would he be so keen to hang around? You didn’t know if Seokjin was having some kind of identity crisis or if he was just showing a new side of himself to you, but these days, he was different. Not vastly – the Seokjin you had grown to be fond of was still there, knew how to teasingly exasperate you, knew how to make you laugh, but now he was a little more serious, more mature. You’d seen glimpses of that behaviour when you were both hooking up, but to be honest the sex kind of distracted you from anything else, clouded your brain… You weren’t particularly interested in his friendship back then, it had just sort of come as a vague added bonus. One you passively enjoyed but didn’t think much about. 

Only, now you did see how much you’d missed him. You liked having him back in your life in this new way, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t help distract you from your break up with Yoongi. Your chest was still heavy for a while afterwards, but you couldn’t even tell if it was a broken heart or a bruised ego. Maybe it was both, or neither… Sometimes the sadness felt strange and you couldn’t place it. Your head was still a mess and it looked like you’d never get any real answers—from Yoongi and your own mind and heart. You hated it, but you continued to remind yourself of the positives. You had loving parents only a few blocks away, great friends, Lina, who had always been your best, Seokjin… School was going well, work too, ever since you’d left shitty Wendy’s. You couldn’t really complain if one thing had gone wrong, could you? Time was all you needed, and gradually, that time with Yoongi became just a memory… Life continued going. 

Seokjin   Am I your best friend ?

You   what do you want 

You knew Seokjin well enough to know when he was buttering you up. Even after the time spent apart, it was still easy to spot the signs. That, and with these past couple of weeks,  Seokjin seemed to love using the friendship you two now had as some sort of leverage for god knows what. It was buying him lunch last week because he’d conveniently forgotten his wallet at home. Two days ago it was giving him a ride to Namjoon and Hoseok’s place because his car was out of gas and he didn’t want to walk. Now it was what exactly? The suspense was killing you. 

Seokjin   You know me well  But answer the question 

You  no 😂  lina is !!

Seokjin  😔 Am I your best guy friend then?

You yes but only by default

You had no other guy friend who messaged you at 2am just as you were about to hit the hay asking if you wanted to grab breakfast in the morning and then proceeded to unload his day on you as you lay there in the dark, glow of your cellphone screen hurting your eyes. Not that you minded really. You still felt like you owed Seokjin after the whole break up drama, so more often than not you were fishing for any signs of change in mood from him, waiting to pounce and pay him back in kind. Not that kind of kind though. 

You were always doing that. Accidentally dropping yourself in it, making things awkward. You’d told Seokjin exactly the same right at the beginning and you still weren’t over how red your face had gotten when you’d tried to explain yourself. “Payment in kind, like a-actual kind. Comfort for comfort…” You’d stammered. He’d just wiggled his eyebrows. “What type of comfort?” 

However Seokjin never gave you anything mood wise to go off, so you had to assume he was perfectly fine. Which he probably was. It was just if he wanted to ever lay bare his innermost thoughts and feelings you were there. You had a feeing if you ever told him that part he’d run for the hills. He was just happy moaning about his day through text message, sometimes call, and you happily listened even if you sometimes hummed in agreement without really concentrating... 

Seokjin  I’ll just ignore that  YAY so will you come see Endgame again?

You  AGAIN?! 

Seokjin  PLEASE  I need to go one more time before it leaves theatres 

You  ask sandeul that movie was a whole three hours long  THREE HOURS I’LL NEVER BET BACK 

Seokjin  He doesn’t want to go again  PLS I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT 

Couldn’t he just wait until it came out on blu-ray? Then again, the ‘I’ll do anything you want’ sounded like an offer you couldn’t refuse. Maybe you could make him live to regret taking another three hours of your life away. Not that the movie was terrible. It was actually pretty good considering Seokjin had managed to give you the previous lowdowns not an hour before the screening. He didn’t need to know that though. 

You  hmm interesting.. ok but i’m still thinking about what you can do for me 

Seokjin Omg yes  Thank you  I’ll pay again 

You  of course 

Seokjin  😁 I love you 3000 

You scoffed at his lame butter up. You’d already said yes, he didn’t need to sway you anymore, and an Avengers reference wasn’t going to do the trick anyway. It did make you laugh though, despite that line actually ruining you in the movie, and despite what Jin said, it ruined him too. You’d heard an awful lot of sniffing coming from beside you during that scene… 

That’s how you found yourself at the movie theatre again on the weekend, eagerly waiting in line to get snacks because you’d only just finished work an hour ago and were surviving off a sandwich you’d eaten at lunch. 

“Jin! Wassup brother?” 

The booming voice of one of Seokjin’s friends was impossible not to hear as he passed by. You vaguely knew his face. Couldn’t remember the name though. “Oh, hey Bri.” Ah. Brain. He was with his girlfriend—Jiyeon, you knew her name. She was in your fashion history class. She smiled at you and you returned it. 

“What you seeing?” Brian asked, making conversation. 

Seokjin chuckled. “Endgame. Second time. I had to bribe this one to come with me again.” He nudged you playfully, grinning down at you and you laughed along with him. 

“Oh?” Brain tilted his head, looking between you both almost curiously. It made you feel a little nervous and you ended up sidling closer to Seokjin. “How’s it going?” He definitely had a grin on his face when he asked you both that. He didn’t… He didn’t have the wrong idea, did he? 

Seokjin seemed to realise the same thing, shifting on his feet, sounding stunted when he replied. “G-good. Yeah. It’s going good.” 

“We’re seeing Dumbo.” Jiyeon cut in, probably sensing the awkwardness in the air. A true life saver. “I brought tissues just in case,” she giggled. 

“You’ll need them,” you informed her, still feeling relieved she’d changed the subject. “I saw that last week with my friend actually. We cried like babies.” 

“Oh, god,” Brian groaned. 

“Babe! Just because you’re scared you’ll cry too,” Jiyeon teased, elbowing him. 

“Never,” he insisted. You all laughed. “We better bounce.” He added, checking the time on his phone. “Movie’s in five. See you around.” He nodded at Seokjin first, then you. “Have a good one.” 

You swore he winked when he said that but you told yourself you were imagining it, waving after them just as it was your turn in line. After you’d paid for your snacks and were walking to the theatre room you glanced over at Seokjin. “You could’ve asked Bri to come with you. Is he a fan? Really, you know everyone.” You chuckled. 

“Hey, I’m a friendly guy,” he insisted. That was true. You swore Seokjin knew pretty much 70% of people around college, and you were pretty sure everyone liked him. He just had that type of aura. Well, nearly everyone. Yoongi was probably the only person you knew who had his problems, and given the history you didn’t really blame him. 

You were about to agree when Seokjin’s phone buzzed, signalling he had a text. He opened it up without glancing at the preview and you caught your name on the screen. So did he, you guessed because he quickly locked the device and shoved it in his pocket. 

“Who’s that?” You wondered. You already knew. 

“Just Brian. He, uh.” A pause. Like he was trying to think, and then he chuckled. “He said ‘Enjoy the movie, nerd’.” You joined him politely. You mean, Brian could’ve said that. You didn’t see the whole message, but your name was definitely there, and Seokjin was most definitely not telling you why. 

You glanced at him again, maybe he could see the suspicion on your face but he didn’t say anything. Neither did you. You could see how flush his cheeks had gotten, ears too. He was obviously feeling nervous that you’d press him further. You didn’t. You got it. People knew your history with Seokjin, it wasn’t a surprise to you anymore, and therefore, if they saw you together they’d probably think something was going on again. Like now. Brian had assumed something and that was okay. Awkward maybe, but to be expected. You smiled at Seokjin and handed him the popcorn. “He’s not wrong.” 

“Hey! But yeah, he would’ve said no if I asked.” His hand fell to your lower back as he teased you and let you walk through the door first, mouth lowering to your ear, making you squirm a little. It tickled, and your skin seemed to glow where he touched you. Warm and comforting. Warm and nice. “See, you’re my only choice.”

.

.

“So what are your favourite movies?” 

You let your head fall back against the headrest as you thought about Seokjin’s question. It was now over four hours later and you were parked outside your apartment. He’d given you a ride home but you’d been sat here for 30 minutes or so just talking casually. Something you hadn’t done so in-depth before. It felt nice, and you should’ve just invited him in, but in all honesty, for some reason you were worried he’d say no. 

“I don’t know, I’ll watch anything really.” You shrugged after a moment. Titanic seemed too predictable and you knew Seokjin would probably tease you over it. You quickly run through some of your favourites from your teenage years. Wait. “Maybe Lord of the Rings? I loved it when I was younger.” The books were still on your to read list though. You doubted you’d ever get around to it… 

“No way,” he exclaimed. “Me too!” You grinned in surprise. It was always fun realising you had things in common. The small, strange things that you’d never had any clue about. Things like favourite movies, music, or books never came into question when you were just fucking. 

“I haven’t seen them in years. I always wanted to watch the extended versions all in one go. I’d probably flake though.” 

“Same,” you laughed, before suddenly having an idea. “Wait. I think I know what we can do together seeing as you owe me.” 

He tilted his head as he smirked a little. “Watching a movie franchise I love isn’t a punishment.” 

You scoffed. “Watching Endgame twice was hardly terrible, Seokjin. I came again because I wanted to.” That made him happy. Although you thought he already knew that. These days you were just content hanging out with him, whatever the reason. You thought he knew that too. 

You could hear a voice, whispering – irritating really. You were sleeping and it was interrupting you. It seemed to be getting louder, sounded an awful lot like your name, and now you were getting shaken. Woken up. Voice now familiar. Hushing your name over and over again as they tried to rouse you. You made a noise and stretched, opening your eyes. Seokjin’s face hovered over yours, blue with the glow of the television. “It’s late. You should go to bed.” 

You bolted up, he just had time to pull back narrowly missing you head butting him. “What time is it?” You asked, rubbing your eyes. You were still in a daze. You remembered earlier in the night, it was your Lord of the Rings marathon you’d been planning for the last few days, and Seokjin had come over at 5pm to get an early start. You’d made snacks and then you’d ordered pizza after the first movie was done. You remembered finishing the second one and being shocked that you may actually be able to do this. That was until you began the third. You remembered hitting play and then that was it. “Did we finish Return of the King?” 

Seokjin laughed, sitting back against the couch again. “No. I paused it like twenty minutes in. You’ve been asleep for nearly two hours. You groaned, leaning back too and pulling the blanket you’d had draped across you all night up over your shoulders. “Don’t worry, you did good to last that long.” He continued. “It’s nearly 4am.” 

No wonder you were dead to the world, it was practically the next day. Seokjin ran a hand through his hair. It was a little bit rumpled and he moved sluggishly. He sounded a little sluggish too. Voice a little croaky. “Did you fall asleep too?” 

“Yeah. I couldn’t fight it.” He sounded sheepish. Guess he hated the failure too. “I think I can drive home though.” Sitting up, he made motions to stand. “Maybe I’ll have a glass of water first. Y’know, wake up.” 

“No way.” Your insistence came with trapping him with your legs. Not that it could work. He was much stronger than you, but he listened anyway, too tired to fight.  “You can stay over. Is the sofa okay?” 

He heaved an exhausted sigh, grabbing your ankles to move and lie across the couch, his legs now trapping your body instead. Grinning, he reached for a cushion and put it behind his head, folding an arm behind there too. “Good thing it’s comfy.” 

You tried to wriggle your bottom half from under him but it was impossible. He was like lead. “Move your legs,” you whined, but he refused, unable to suppress the giant smirk on his face. You pushed and pulled at his calves. “Seokjin!” Your voice was breaking you were so tired so you think he took pity on you in the end. 

“Okay, okay, I’m moving them,” he chuckled, letting you sit forward so he could stretch them out behind you. 

“You’re so fucking lucky you’re wearing socks.” He laughed louder at that and you removed the blanket from yourself, leaning over to place it over him instead. It was pretty thick and he had his clothes on so he should be warm enough. “There you go. Let me tuck you in tight.” You teased, hovering to push the material under his body, travelling all the way down to his feet. You sat back to admire your handy work. He looked cosy. Cute. A large, human burrito. 

“Thanks, Mom,” he drawled. 

“Thought we said we’d never try that.” The words were out before you could stop them, silently cursing yourself for going there. What was with you both? He’d done something similar not so long ago too. 

But if Seokjin noticed your awkwardness, he didn’t let on, just chuckled softly. “Sorry.” 

You found yourself grinning and shook your head – you were being silly. Standing up, you switched the TV off and made your way slowly to bed in the newfound dark. Not that it was much of a journey. Your studio apartment had its perks. You could also see the silhouette of Seokjin the Human Burrito perfectly from where you lay. 

“Night night, watch the bed bugs don’t bite,” you sang, unable to stop yourself. He just fidgeted and groaned in reply. You rolled your eyes. 

.

.

You must have fallen asleep again pretty quickly because you couldn’t remember anything after that. You had no idea what the time was when you woke up, but light was streaming through the shades and you blindly stretched for your phone, knowing you’d left it somewhere on your nightstand earlier in the night. Ah ha! You found it and quickly unlocked it with your thumb. It was nearly 11am. You hated waking up late but what did you expect when you’d stayed up half the night. You peaked at Seokjin’s figure. Still asleep but now out of his burrito blanket, one leg stretched over the arm of the couch—which didn’t take much, he was too big for it anyway, and the other leg was hanging off, foot on the floor. Socks off. You couldn’t see his face, covered by the blanket, but the image made you smile. Without particularly thinking you snapped a picture, zooming in. There. Now you had the memory forever. 

You laid your head back down and began clicking on those dumb mobile games you were addicted to, before getting bored when you couldn’t beat a level of some infuriating cooking restaurant game you’d only downloaded two days ago. You opened up twitter. You had some notifications from last night after tweeting a picture of your television with the opening credits of Lord of the Rings paused across it. There were a few likes but all the replies were from Seokjin. 

(6:30pm) You tweeted:  [Image added]  LOTR MARATHON TONIGHT 🌋 💍👁🧙🏻‍♂️🧝🏻‍♀️

(6:32pm) Kim_Seokjin replied:  Ur honestly the biggest nerd I know 

(6:32pm) You replied:  funny because i think the EXACT same about you 😜

(2:30am) Kim_Seokjin replied:  And you fell asleep….. 🙄

That was a new one, he’d obviously done it when you’d first fallen asleep. Just to fall asleep not long after, you might add… You were about to point that out ever so kindly when you had a new notification. The name made your heart stop, stomach sinking. 

MinYoongs liked your tweet 

It hadn’t been the first time Yoongi had liked something of yours since the break up. It had been over three weeks now and in that time he’d hit the heart on a few of your tweets. At first it had upset you, but now you you didn’t mind. It was sort of comforting, knowing he kept semi up to date with you. Like a part of him was still here. You’d began liking some of his tweets and even facebook uploads too. You’d seen him around college a couple of times but not immediate enough to have a conversation. Now that you didn’t have class together your paths went back to not crossing like they had in the beginning. You’d smile and nod in his direction and he’d do the same, raising a hand in acknowledgment. It was sad to think that’s what your relationship had become now, but what could you do? A part of you was still holding out on one day being able to be friends. You mean, if you and Seokjin could do it then it was possible, right? 

Only this time he liked your tweet it made you feel weird. Guilty, probably. He’d liked it even after seeing Seokjin’s replies. What did he think? You couldn’t help but wonder. It was pretty obvious Seokjin had been around your apartment watching movies on your sofa where you used to do the same with Yoongi. It was entirely innocent, but Yoongi didn’t know that. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy you’d been fucking before you began dating him. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy he’d shared you with that one stupid night. Yoongi knew Seokjin and all the history you guys shared, and he had still liked your tweet? What did that mean? 

Was he totally unbothered? Did you want him to be bothered? No, you didn’t. However, you still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You wondered if you should message him, try to explain, but really there was nothing to explain. Doing so would just make you look like you had something to hide, and you already still felt the guilt at running to Seokjin’s place the night of the break up. Like you were hiding something from him. By Yoongi liking that tweet it showed you he was fine with whatever was going on, but you couldn’t very well hit him up like ‘Me and Seokjin are just friends. Honest.’ It was weird. He probably knew you were hanging around with one another anyway. You didn’t do it often, but you had met up around college sometimes, studied together in the library. He could’ve seen it, his friends could’ve seen it. It probably came to no surprise to him. 

You were overthinking again. It was stupid and you hated doing it. Seokjin stirred, the sound of his phone falling onto the floor making you both jump. He groaned as he reached for it and you took the opportunity to banish your thoughts. There was no point worrying over things you couldn’t control nor knew the answers to. “You awake?” 

“Mpmph. Morning.” 

His voice was raspy, thick with sleep, but at least he was semi intelligible. “Couch still comfy?” 

“Yeah. I wanna take that back.” He said as he shifted, sitting up. You bit back the urge to laugh. His hair was flattened in the back, face puffy. It had been a while since you’d seen him like this. “It’s like lying on concrete after a while.” 

“Sorry.” A giggle slipped and he stared you down, just making you laugh harder if anything. 

He shook his head in defeat. “Anyways, wanna eat and finish where we left off?” You nodded immediately, discarding your phone on the nightstand quickly. Maybe your mind couldn’t switch off fully but you were thankful for the help. Even if Seokjin didn’t know he was doing just that. 

“God. Will you quit it.” 

“Quit what?” You wondered cluelessly, looking up from your phone to see Lina sentencing death with one glare. 

“Messaging Jin every two seconds.” 

You paused, feeling a little sheepish, like you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t. Which was stupid because 1) You’d been messaging him in plain sight and 2) You were definitely not doing anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault Lina treated Seokjin like he was the antichrist… You locked your phone and shoved it down the side of her couch. “It’s fine. He’s going to work now anyway.” 

That didn’t appease her though. You could feel her eyes still on you, even though you’d tried to make yourself as small as possible as you began watching whatever was on the TV. You finally gave in, glancing over at her expectantly. Whatever she wanted to say she should just go for it. 

“Tell me the truth, are you sleeping with him again?” 

“No! What?!” Okay. You hadn’t been expecting that at all. “Lina, shut up.” You brushed her off. 

“Well, I don’t know. You kept it quiet for months the first time.” 

How could she even think that? Yes, you were hanging out with him quite a lot now, and yes, you had kept your hook ups secret from her for the longest time, but that was all in the past. You kept it hidden because you weren’t particularly proud of it, but as time past it became harder and harder to tell her, even if you no longer cared because you began to like Seokjin as a person and not just as a good fuck. In the end you were no longer embarrassed, just awkward. 

“We’re just friends.” It would never happen again between the two of you. Hook ups weren’t your thing now. It hadn’t ended particularly badly but things had gotten complicated for no good reason. You didn’t want that anymore. You liked what you had with him now and were thankful for him. 

“Sure about that?” She pressed, her tone telling you she didn’t believe you at all. 

“Very sure.” You insisted. She wouldn’t budge. Had that annoying pretentious look on her face that drove you crazy. “Want to see our messages?” You added as a joke but her eyes lit up. “Oh, my god. You do, don’t you?!” She didn’t give you an answer, but had the decency to look sheepish. “Do it!” You exclaimed, grabbing your phone to open up your messages and give it to her. 

She began to scroll hesitantly, reading upwards, as if you weren’t already judging her nosy little ass. You couldn’t help but joke around though. “There’s no dick pics, if that’s what you’re eager to see.” 

She pulled a face. “Ew. My eyes would never recover.” You scoffed. You both knew despite her distaste for Seokjin she had definitely asked you to confirm if his dick was as big as people said when she’d found out about your promiscuous activities. So she couldn’t say shit despite gagging when you’d gone into detail, (it had involved a quick sketch and comparisons), but otherwise you ignored her, letting her read conversations that weren’t even that interesting. Whatever she expected to find, she didn’t of course. “What is this?” She asked you, now scrolling aimlessly. 

“Pretty boring, right?” 

“Why are you having a whole conversation about Lord of the Rings? It lasted two days?!” The judgment in her tone was classic Lina, but more than that she was just honestly bewildered. Until— “I love you 3000?! Why is he telling you he loves you?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Relax. It’s an Avengers reference.” 

“Oh for god’s sake. You’ve gone full nerd. He’s confessing his love with movie references.” 

“He’s not confessing anything,” you sighed. As if. Seokjin falling in love with you, even anyone, just seemed hilarious. Maybe when he was thirty something. You watched her scroll up some more until she got bored and handed it back to you. “Innocent, right?” 

“I guess so…” 

You laughed. How was she still so suspicious? “Now will you drop it?” 

“Fine.” She sighed. “It does look like you two have some sort of friendship going on. Who am I to judge.” 

“Finally. So you admit Seokjin isn’t so bad?” You grinned. Mostly teasing her, but also pretty happy she was finally beginning to understand your friendship with Seokjin. 

She stared at you. “I wouldn’t go that far. But yeah, it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to slip inside somewhere.” 

You wrinkled your nose. “Definitely not.” Like you’d told her before, if that was the case he would’ve just asked outright. You glanced over at her again, realising she was still watching you carefully. As if trying to spot any slip ups. “What?” 

“What about you?” She asked almost cryptically. 

“What about me?” 

“You’ve been awfully happy lately.” 

Her tone was a little accusing, despite the context. “I can’t be happy now?” 

“Of course you can.” She exclaimed. “It’s just you know, considering what went down with Yoongi and all… It wasn’t that long ago.” 

“It’s been long enough,” you shrugged. Seemed like a lifetime ago. Seemed like you and Yoongi never happened… “Lina, I’m done moping. Have been for a while. Me and him tried and it failed. That’s life.” 

“Okay, okay,” she chuckled quietly. “I’m not getting at you. I think it’s good you’re not beating yourself up about it.” She give you a knowing look. It wouldn’t have been the first time you’d blamed yourself. Shockingly, she was right. You hadn’t gone full self loathing mode this time around.  “I’m just worried… You don’t want more with Jin, do you?” 

“Huh?” Her question caught you off guard, as did her gentle voice. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, but maybe you could understand why it had crossed hers. Every guy you’d ever seemed to get involved with you’d fallen for. Despite however adamant you were to keep things unattached sometimes. Seokjin was the only guy that hadn’t happened with, yet he proved to be the guy that was the kindest to you. The one who meant the most. 

“You’ve been hanging out a lot lately. At first I thought it was just a distraction for you, but well, you sure you haven’t fallen for him?” 

“I haven’t,” you shook your head. You replied without really thinking. Automatically. “We’re just friends.” Because you were, and it worked that way. It really did. 

“Okay,” she nodded and smiled, letting it go. She did genuinely seem to believe you. “Whatever makes you happy. I just don’t want you getting hurt again, that’s all.” You smiled back, unable to fight the urge to hug her. She received it happily. Lina was your best friend. Had been since high school. She was the one you could be a little more vulnerable around, show your gentler side to, and likewise. She was a lot harder skinned than you though. Yours was mainly for show. She truly took no shit.  

“Just don’t go replacing me with him, got it?” She joked, pulling away. 

“Awh, is that what you’re worrying about, Lina?” You teased, clinging to her as you rubbed your face in her neck. “Don’t worry, there’s only one of you. You’re not going anywhere.” 

“Get off,” she giggled. “Of course there’s only one of me.” 

“I am happy that you like Seokjin now though.” You couldn’t help but slip in, the teasing now over. 

She scoffed, blowing air. “Wouldn’t go that far.” You just shrugged, about to suggest you order some food but she squealed, suddenly remembering something. “Oh my god, wait! I was supposed to tell you! Summer is getting into astrology and she told me about this really cool app!” She pulled out your phone and you laughed at her dramatic excitement.  “Download it too and let’s see how compatible we are! I need to know if we’re going to be best friends for ever.” 

…And she called you the nerd? 

“I wanna start working out.” 

You paused from browsing a rack of clothes to glance at Seokjin, waiting for his response. You’d made up your mind to go to the mall today after class and for some reason, after telling him, “Do you want to come to?” rolled from your tongue. He agreed almost instantly, so here you were, Seokjin following by your side as you aimlessly (window) shopped. 

He had an eyebrow cocked. “You do?” 

“Mmhm,” you nodded, pulling a shirt from a pole to hold it up to your body. You met his eyes in the mirror. “I think I want abs.” 

He scoffed instantly. “Abs?! You’ll give up before that.” 

“I won’t,” you whined, pushing him with your elbow as you slotted the shirt back with the others. He grabbed ahold of your arm naturally, playfully pushing you back. “It can’t be that hard anyway?” 

Maybe abs were a little too ambitious. You just felt the need to start working out, to get healthy, change your diet. You often got these spur of the moment plans but if you were being real, you never stuck to them. There was the time you and Lina decided to go jogging three times a week before classes. That lasted one week. There was also that time you tried to follow a pilates youtube video… You lasted ten minutes. The video was forty. This time was a little bit different though. You had Seokjin. He worked out every day (at least he used to), and he worked in the goddamn campus gym. You needed a motivator and he was the perfect candidate. At least he he had been.. You were taking his negativity quite personally. 

He agreed. Slightly. “It probably won’t for you, no, but I don’t think you have the willpower though.” 

You scowled at his smirk. He just looked amused. “Excuse you. You’re just afraid mine will look better than yours.” 

“I don’t have them anymore,” he chuckled. 

“Really?” You did not believe him whatsoever. “Liar. Show me.” Your hands were bunching up his t-shirt before you really had time to realise what you were doing, your fingers slipping under, brushing against his stomach. Still hard and just as warm as you remembered. Something jumped inside of you. It was gone before you had time to place it. 

He hissed your name with a baffled laugh, grabbing your hand. “We’re in public.” 

This time the sensation in your gut stayed longer when it appeared. You had enough time to understand it but you pushed it away, taking your hand back with a roll of eyes. You ignored how hot your face felt and acted as usual, beginning to toddle off. “Whatever. I’m joining the college gym. I’ll find someone else to help me if you don’t.” 

“Ah, I see,” he called after you, speeding up to catch you up. You could hear the slight tease in his voice, which wasn’t doing anything for your jostled hormones. Damn time of the month. That’s what you’d blame it on. “This is just a ploy to see me more. Hanging out at my place of work now? I think I’ll just show up at yours too. I have a sudden interest in fashion.”

He nudged you with his shoulder and you scoffed. “With your dress sense? Try again.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the look of indignation on his face.  

He sighed in defeat. “Fine. If I help you get fit, you can help me dress better.” 

You stopped, a handbag catching your eye, but also, bless him. “Seokjin, you dress fine enough,” you said as you turned to him. White t-shirt, a black cardigan, jeans that had holes in at the knees, black converse. It was all very casual prep. Effortless, because you knew for a fact Seokjin just picked whatever out of his closet and slipped it on in the mornings. Very boy next door. You wouldn’t really have it any other way. 

That didn’t seem to satisfy him though, going by the pout he gave you. “You just laughed at me.” 

You needed to physically clench your fists to stop you from reaching up and attempting to pinch those lips of his. Madness. “I really like your style. It suits you.” 

“You do?” 

He looked happy with that, lips now quirking up a little at the edges. You nodded sincerely. “Yep. It’s cosy. Although, you could probably do with wearing tighter fitting shirts.” He cocked an eyebrow at your suggestion. “You know, to show of this…” Those pesky hands of yours found themselves gliding across his shoulders. You caught Seokjin’s eyes and smiled quickly, awkwardly no doubt and pulled away, grabbing the handbag off the rack to uselessly look at. “Girls will like that a lot. Not that you need help.” You muttered the last part, unsure if he heard you. 

He did, chuckling quietly. “I’m not interested.” 

You paused, trying to decipher his words. He wasn’t interested in the shirts or the girls? It had to be the former, Kim Seokjin was always interested in girls. Although, saying that, you hadn’t heard him talk about any since you’d began hanging out together. Not that he had to. That would probably be weird. No, scrap that. It would definitely be weird. You did not want to hear about his hook ups and likewise for him most probably. Not that there were any hook ups. You were taking a much-needed break. Seokjin was the only man you needed in your life, which sounded incredibly cheesy now that you’d thought it. 

“I’ll still help you though,” he continued, following you as you began strolling again, heading for the exit. 

“Oh my god, yay! Thank you!” You gleed, unable to stop yourself from latching onto his arms and squeezing him. God. What was with you and physical contact today? Maybe you’d always done it, you were just paying extra attention today? Truthfully, ever since Lina had given you the third degree the other night you kept questioning every small thing you did towards Seokjin. Silly because there was nothing to second guess. He definitely didn’t do the same. 

You kept your distance after that, looking around the mall for a sports store. “I need to find something to wear,” was your excuse. “Surely you have a pair of leggings and a t-shirt at home,” was his response. Which was the dumbest thing he could say to you seeing as you were the world’s biggest shopper. 

“Let’s get doughnuts first,” he said after a few minutes of searching, catching you by surprise when he grabbed ahold of your elbow. He looked like he realised what he did because he pulled back quickly. Okay so maybe it wasn’t just you… You happily followed him anyway, the smell making your belly rumble. 

“You have to start eating healthy if you want abs. This is your last chance to get that treat.” He teased, laughing a little too sadistically when he saw you frown at the realisation…

.

.

 “That wasn’t too bad.” You commented, making your way to the exit of the gym with Seokjin close behind you. You’d waited an extra twenty minutes for him to finish his shift so he could give you a ride home and now if you were being honest, you couldn’t wait to get in and run a bath. Seokjin didn’t need to know that though. 

He said your name disapprovingly behind you, tugging off his lanyard to shove in his hoody pocket. You must say, Seokjin’s gym attire was something else. You hadn’t seen him in a pair of shorts for months and his thighs had definitely gotten bigger. Not that you were staring… 

“What?” You puzzled, confused by his tone.  

“You went on the running machine for half and hour and then did some squats.” 

Okay, the patronising dick. “Some?! That was like a hundred!” He was the one who suggested starting off easy, and FYI, squats kinda burned if you weren’t used to them. Seokjin scoffed in reply, adding a “that wasn’t a hundred,” and you went to glare at him as you pushed the glass door open but some guy did so for you, already pulling it from the other side to enter. “Ladies first,” he grinned at you, letting you slide past him. 

“Thank you,” you smiled back, noticing Seokjin almost push his way past after you. “At least there are nice people here,” you shot. 

He pulled a face instantly. “You serious? They’re nice because they want to fuck you.” Your affronted expression said it all, and because you didn’t believe him, you whipped your head around, immediately catching the guy who’d held the door open for you looking back too. He smirked when he noticed he had your attention. You shot your head forward quickly, eyes wide. 

“See.” Seokjin exclaimed. “I had to watch pretty much every guy check you out.” He sounded almost pissed. Nah. It was probably just your imagination. Bet you anything he just found it lame. 

“Get lost.” 

“No, really.” He insisted. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but your…” He hesitated and you looked up, curious but also regretting instantly when you did. “Your ass looks really good in those pants. I think you can skip the squats next time.” 

You really had to be looking him in the eyes when he said that. You felt your face heat up immediately. Much more of a reaction than when that guy had smirked at you. “You were looking too?!” You exclaimed. 

“Hey,” he whined. “It’s not my fault! I’m a guy, and in my defence, we have history.” A little shrug. “Things pop into my mind. Can’t control it.” 

“Seokjin,” you gasped. What did that even mean? You couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. 

“What? I’m just being honest.” He sounded so casual you just kept silent. Speechless by his gall. “Come on, get in. You’ll be aching soon,” he added, stopping by his car and opening the passenger’s side up for you. 

You rode in complete silence. You didn’t want it to be awkward but it was. Not because he’d made you feel uncomfortable, but just because you couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. Why were you repeating his words over and over again inside your head? Why were you pretty sure your face was now as red as a tomato? It definitely wasn’t the working out… 

“Same time tomorrow?” He asked when he pulled up outside your door and stopped the engine. He sounded fine, natural and breezy. Hopefully he hadn’t caught onto your awkwardness but quite possibly he was just good at hiding it. 

You forced a smile. If he could be unaffected, so could you.  “I’ll be there fighting fit.” 

He smiled dubiously. “I won’t hold my breath.” 

“Hey,” you shot quietly, feeling better now despite his doubt in your ability.

“I start at 4, finish at 8.” 

You nodded, stepping out onto the sidewalk and waved him goodbye. “Bye, Seokjin.” He sounded soft when he copied, your name almost hushing from his lips. You felt a tug in your chest. You needed water. You were dehydrated. 

And that was the story of how Seokjin became your very own personal trainer. Or so he liked to call it. He didn’t particularly help whatsoever. Just ordered you about and then laughed at you when you struggled. “I could get you fired for this,” you’d shot this evening, sweat pouring down your temples as you’d basically crawled off the rowing machine. 

“And I could get you banned for flirting with the staff,” had been his comeback. “Maybe arrested for stalking too.” 

Despite your initial affronted expression, you couldn’t help but laugh. Something had changed recently between the two of you. Maybe you were just getting a lot more comfortable given all the time you spent together. Maybe it was something else. You didn’t know and you didn’t really want to dwell too much on it. Seokjin was a flirt after all, and you were okay with that. You didn’t mind joking around with him. 

If you were being honest, you didn’t mind anything when it came to him. Which was why you were willing to practically cripple yourself in order to carry on going to the gym. Sometimes when Seokjin wasn’t getting paid to step foot into the gym, he went with you anyway and you got to sneak a peek as he worked out too. You were only human after all, and Seokjin still had a body that made your mind susceptible to dirty thoughts. You now understood what he meant about being unable to stop things popping into his head. But it was fine. Natural and expected to an extent. Seokjin was your friend, and just your friend, like you’d already insisted to Lina. 

.

.

“This is the worst.” 

You heard Seokjin snicker a bit behind you, having fallen back a few steps while he checked his cellphone. Whose bright idea was it to walk to and from the gym, and today of all days? “You’re walking like you’ve shit yourself.” 

You snapped your neck around. If looks could kill. “Shut up.” You’d storm off but it hurt too much so all you could do was attempt to speed hobble. Seokjin soon caught up up. 

“I told you not to row a kilometre.” Condescending as usual. “It was your first time. That shit burns if you’re not used to it.” 

“Already?” You whimpered. Usually it took until the next day, a few hours at least, until the burn was apparent. You were a goddamn fool. Who knew pulling back and forth repeatedly could fuck you up so bad. “What am I going to be like tomorrow?” 

You wanted at least some sympathy but you didn’t get it. “Worse.” The most casual of shrugs. “You’ve used muscles you don’t usually work.” 

“I’ve used muscles I didn’t know I had!” 

He laughed at that. Genuinely amused. “You’re a weakling. You need to gain some strength and stamina. It doesn’t come automatically. If you want those abs you need to be working out every day. Maybe go running in the morning, cycling… ” You groaned as he spoke. You hadn’t ridden a bike in years. Why was there so much work to look good? Seokjin made it look effortless, the dick. 

He laughed again. This time lower but closer to you, his breath puffing against the back of your neck as he took you by surprise and gripped your waist with his hands. “C’mon, let me help you. Guide you.” Patronising. You wanted to tell him that but your mouth wasn’t working. You walked as he did, letting him escort you down the remaining length of the sidewalk with a gentle push. 

“Four more steps forward. Turn left to be met with your apartment door. Up the two steps.” Lifting your legs awkwardly, he brushed into you, crotch against your ass. You were going to hell. Your mind went to places embarrassingly quickly. 

“Keys.” You were suddenly cold when he removed his hands from you to search through your bag. Just for your hand to be met with the familiar warmth as he cupped it. It took you a moment to realise he’d pressed the key into your palm. He sighed. Thankfully mistaking your airhead for post-workout soreness. “I’ll do it then.” He guided your hand to the door. “Forward. Insert into hole.” 

“Oh my god.” You couldn’t help but mutter that one. At least there was a part of your brain still working… The incredibly perverted part, but a part nonetheless. 

“Do you have to make everything so dirty?” He looked down at you, dramatic judgement in his tone. You felt him twist the key in your hand, opening the door. He looked you dead in the eyes as he spoke again. “Turn and open wide. Well done!” 

That was definitely on purpose. You could tell by the smirk that couldn’t help but sneak its way on his face. You’d chew his ear off but he was immediately getting behind you again, wrapping his arms around your middle and before you knew it he was lifting you up, ignoring your squealing as you clutched onto his hands. “Now to get your poor frail body through the threshold.” There was an obvious fake strain to his voice as he did so and it was over in seconds, putting you down as soon as he’d raised you a few inches off the ground.

You rounded on him immediately. “I regret inviting you over if I knew you were going to be such a jackass.” 

He raised his hands up as a peace offering. “This is all just very amusing to me.” 

You couldn’t be bothered to argue, making your way to the couch to collapse onto (slowly, if possible), and let your body just buzz. You couldn’t tell if it was the muscles you didn’t know you had contracting, or if it was the lingered feeling of Seokjin’s hands on your body… That sounded pathetic. “I’m never moving,” you declared loudly, speaking truth but also trying to distract yourself. 

Seokjin watched you and chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “I’ll get you something to drink.”  

“Alcohol!” You shouted (unnecessarily, it was a one room apartment after all…) as he walked a little way forward to your kitchenette.  “And chips. Fuck the healthy diet. I need sustenance.” 

You switched on the television as Seokjin pottered away, opening cupboards as he searched for something suitable. It was cute how he knew where your drinking glasses were kept and where you kept your snacks. Maybe he never forgot from before… 

“There you go,” he said, dropping a bag of chips into your lap from above. You opened them immediately, feasting like you hadn’t eaten all day. “Will this do? It’s all you had.” You  looked up at him, seeing him holding a green bottle. When he spoke again he sounded uncertain. “Sour apple?” 

You wrinkled your nose. “It’s nasty stuff. Give it to me!” 

He laughed at your outstretched arm and sat next to you, reaching for the drinking glass under his arm so he could pour you some. He passed it to you and you took a tentative sip, the familiar sickly and artificial taste making you wince. But you needed something to ease those poor muscles of yours, and because you weren’t a major drinker, this was all your stupid self had hiding away in your cupboards. 

You watched Seokjin sniff inside the bottle just as cautious but for some reason he took a giant swig, making a loud noise of objection as soon as the liquid slipped down his throat. “Ew. What the fuck is that?! It’s vile.” 

“Right? It’s gross,” you agreed, chuckling as he stuck out his tongue, and it was already toxic waste green. “It made me throw up like crazy a few months back.” Funny, you still remembered (bits of) that night when Yoongi had looked after you, but the memories no longer made you feel sad, dejected. That was indeed a good thing. You took your own sniff, now dubious. “It’s not too old, right?” 

“Nah, should be fine,” he shrugged, taking another sip. He winced all the way through it. “I think you’re supposed to make cocktails with it, or at least shots.” 

You eyed your generously poured glass. “Go big or go home, huh?” 

“You are home,” he commented, thinking he was clever. You went to kick him, forgetting your legs were fucked up and yelled out. Seokjin chuckled, grabbing your ankles one by one so he could lift your legs over his lap. “I guess this is my fault as your personal trainer and all,” he teased, beginning to rub one of your calves with his free hand. You didn’t have time to freak out about the physical contact this time around, because in all honesty, the sensation felt amazing for your poor, hurt muscles.  

He continued for a little while until he got bored (called it), but you kept your legs there. After all, he hadn’t pushed them away, and like you said, it was helping your muscles… You don’t know why them being on his lap specifically helped, it was all probably psychological, but whatever, for once you weren’t going to overthink things. 

Soon enough sporadic sips of the toxic waste became too much and you pulled a face, groaning loudly. “I’m beginning to feel a little sick.” 

“Yeah, let’s stop,” he agreed, all while taking one last glug that made you giggle when he stuck his tongue out in disgust. He smiled at you, seemingly amused by something. You didn’t know what. Himself? Seemed about right. You were going to ask when he huffed your legs from him and took your glass from your hand as he stood up. “Not worth it. The stuff feels like it’s swimming in my veins.” You watched him walk towards your sink, looking over his shoulder to shoot you a question as he hovered the bottle over the basin. “May I?” You nodded, glad to see the back of the green liquid as it poured down the drain.  

“Noodles?” He suggested shortly after. 

“Please.” Maybe it would help get rid of the awful taste inside your mouth. You were dumb for even considering the drink once again. Thankfully, Seokjin also poured you a glass of water, which you downed in one go, sicky feeling leaving you as you munched on the slightly hard ramen. 

Somewhere along the line, Seokjin took the remote from between your bodies and started browsing through Netflix. You complained about how even though there was so much choice you could never find anything new to watch. You’d watched everything good. He listened to you politely, a slight smile on his face because by now you were tired, you could tell, your words seeping into one another, or maybe it was that evil drink seeping into your brain. Never again. 

In the end you suggested something he’d surely protest to. Angsty teenage vampires didn’t seem his thing, but shockingly he agreed to the first episode of The Vampire Diaries. You didn’t even have to try and persuade him with a little backstory, about how it used to be your favourite show back in high school. You warned him within the first two seconds that if he wasn’t Team Damon, he could leave your apartment right this instant and never come back. Thankfully he agreed that Damon was far hotter than Stefan, so it all worked out perfectly. You knew you could always count on Seokjin. 

You didn’t make it through to the end. Your noodles sat on your coffee table half eaten, your head having fallen onto Seokjin’s shoulder, eyes half closed. Could very well be near dribbling knowing your luck. Not that he seemed to care. He let you snooze on him, his arm crushed into your side, his warmth making you all that cosier. Honestly, a nice blanket draped over the two of you could do the trick right now. You could really fall asleep, and fall asleep good. However, just as that was happening it was all over, Seokjin shaking you gently, telling you the episode had finished. 

“What time is it?” You asked, voice thick, eyes heavy. 

He checked his phone, chuckling. “11pm.” 

You groaned, lifting your head and rubbed your eyes. “God, I’m old.” 

He laughed harder. “I can’t believe the gym fucked you up already. I think you should get to bed.” 

“Can’t move remember.” Your thighs and calves felt even more stiff now. Call you dramatic, but the thought of moving seemed like the worst thing in the world. Why couldn’t you have just slept on Seokjin’s shoulder all night? He was such a spoil sport. You were going to tell him that before he jumped to his feet, standing in front of you and leaving you confused. 

“I’ll just have to carry you then.” He said matter-of-factly, and you didn’t have another second to process his words before he was hooking one arm under your knees, one around your back and lifting you effortlessly. 

“Oh my god,” you squealed, instinctively wrapping your arms around his neck and clutching on for dear life. 

He strained a groan as he straightened his back, taking a few staggered steps backwards, catching his balance, before he turned and began in the direction of your bed. “You’re so lucky the journey isn’t far.” 

The noise that left you could only be described as indignant as you slapped between his shoulder blades. How dare he be so dramatic, but trust karma to always pull through. He lost his footing and tripped as he climbed the platform that held your bed. He managed to drop you down unscathed albeit for the sudden shock of your back bouncing against mattress, but he also went with you, palms pressing into the sheets, caging your body with his. All he needed was to swing your legs up, cage them in too. As it would, they hung limply off the bed, just as dazed as you. 

The thought entered your mind immediately and wouldn’t leave. You used to love being under him. Even when you looked up at him, assuming he’d gain his bearings and move away. He didn’t. You mean, he eased up a little, hands no longer either side of your head, but somehow they found their way to your hips, urging you too lift your legs onto the bed. You did so silently, not taking your eyes from him. It was strange. One of you should have said something by now. Seokjin should have joked around, apologised for being clumsy. You should have moaned at him, whined he could have killed you. But there was none of that. 

Instead he gave you a small smile, looking down at you. “Your breath stinks of apple and your tongue is so green.” 

You weren’t expecting that. It caught you off guard and just like that, the moment was over. Ruined maybe, but you wouldn’t let yourself think like that. You didn’t want to think about how Seokjin’s voice sounded all soft and gentle. Like something you’d never heard before, not even when he used to be between your legs similar to this, but naked and sweaty. Sure, you’d heard his voice needy and low many a time, but never like this. This was something else. He was cautious but couldn’t help himself. He was nervous but wanted to hide it. 

You listened. “Yours does too.” You whined, your voice now sounding alien as you twisted your head, trying to get away from the sour apple but in the process getting away from him. Nothing personal, you were just afraid you were going crazy. 

Still caged under him, his hands still around your hips, you were still hyperaware of his touch and the air was almost a little suffocating, even if you were just imagining it. Your idea proved futile anyway, because you could feel his breath against your neck now, and that was way, way worse. Until maybe he suddenly realised how questionable this position looked, or maybe it really was no big deal, and he moved away naturally, the warmth of his palms leaving your body as he slipped to the side of you, lifting his feet from the floor to slide his legs under him to sit down. 

You stretched your legs out, now welcoming the ache because it distracted you. You also welcomed the cool air because your skin felt hot and itchy. You tried to read Seokjin’s face for anything that told you he was feeling the same way. His cheeks were a little flushed and just peeking out from under the collar of his t-shirt was an equally red patch. For the first time in a long time, probably since you’d embarked on this serious friendship mission, you felt a little awkward in his presence, and that made you feel guilty. You were the problem. Nothing had happened just now, it was all in your head, and he could probably feel how awkward you were being. You clenched your jaw, making a decision right then and there. Everything was normal. 

“Yeah, think abs aren’t for me,” you said as casually as you could muster lying about half a metre down your bed as Seokjin sat next to you. “I much prefer my rolls.” 

It seemed to work. He looked semi relieved you were making conversation and laughed. “You don’t have rolls, shut the fuck up.” 

“I do!” You insisted, wide eyed.  “Look!” You reached a hand under your shirt to squeeze the skin, flashing him your stomach, which now, in hindsight, seemed like a bad idea. 

Although you were probably looking into it too much because he gave it one fleeting glance and rolled his eyes. “You really don’t.” There, that told you. You pulled a face as you smoothed your t-shirt back down. 

“I can’t believe you’re quitting after not even two weeks. At least stick it out for the month you paid for.” 

You groaned, knowing he was right but not wanting to listen. You were done with the gym. All it did was hurt and mess with your mind. If you hadn’t seen Seokjin working out these past few days you wouldn’t be in this predicament right now. Another one of your bright ideas that turned out to be dumb. Really dumb. “I’m tired.” 

He chuckled under his breath. “I’ll go. Leave you to sleep.” 

He’d misunderstood. You weren’t tired in that sense. You mean, you had been not ten minutes ago, but now you were still high on the rush of that internal panic. No, you were tired of thinking. Everything had been fine a couple of weeks ago. You were over your break up with Yoongi, finally at peace with everything that had gone on. Life was good, college, work, friends, and then Lina had to open her big mouth and now you were back to almost square one. Your brain wouldn’t switch off. You couldn’t really tell Seokjin that though. Sorry, no, I meant tired of overthinking every little second that me and you share. I’m tired of maybe, potentially questioning this friendship for no good reason. Sorry to make it awkward… It didn’t sound good, did it? 

“You don’t have to go. Stay.” Fuck. The words were out before you could stop them. Like your mind was working without you. “It’s late now. I don’t want you to walk home in the dark.” 

He shot you a look that told you he thought you’d lost it. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Plus, your couch is so uncomfy. I can’t do it a second time.” 

“You can sleep here.” That damn mouth of yours. “In my bed.” You were making it worse each time you opened it. Why were you inviting him into your bed?! 

Sure, it could be taken as innocent, probably would any other day, but the look in his eyes as he stared at you, definitely trying to read your expression, find something in your tone, told you he was slowly picking up on something here. Your awkwardness again. 

“Top to tail?” He finally asked, and you nodded quickly. Probably too quickly. 

“If you want.” 

He narrowed his eyes. You got nervous. “You’re a little drunk. I can tell.” 

“Am not.” You shook your head. Maybe the damn drink had made you sleepy earlier, but you definitely weren’t drunk. You wish. Although… this could potentially be a blessing in disguise. Could explain your weird behaviour. You’d be the girl who got drunk off a handful of sips of alcohol if it meant having a free pass. 

“Are to,” he insisted, but something told you he was also pretending. It made it easier to say no to you. “I can’t accept your offer. You might live to regret waking up to my feet in your face.” 

“I don’t think I will.” You didn’t regret a thing where he was concerned. That thought seemed to glow in the forefront of your mind suddenly. 

“Better to be on the safe side.” 

You scoffed, but deep down you couldn’t help but feel a little dejected. Which was stupid because did you really want Seokjin to sleep in your bed? What would happen if he did? Did you want something to happen? You fleeted back to how nice it had been to fall asleep on his shoulder earlier, fleeted back to his lingering touch on your body when he’d tripped… That intimacy, if you could call it that, that familiarity was still itching at your skin, and you could quite honestly say right now, that if Seokjin ended up sharing your bed tonight, you didn’t know what would happen. 

Not that he wanted to sleep next to you. That much was obvious. He was looking for a way to decline and the idea of you being drunk was a little farfetched but successful. Seokjin didn’t want you like that anymore, and that was okay. You were friends and you were happy with that. You liked it and you didn’t want to ruin things, because sometimes you had a tendency to ruin everything. Or at least it seemed like you did… 

You watched him shuffle off your bed, you lifting your legs up so his feet could hit the floor. “I’ll text you when I get home. Just to let you know.” He teased, lips attempting to quash his amused smile. 

“Seokjin, wait,” you called, sitting up too to grab him by the wrist as he moved to stand up. He turned back, waiting – and you swear this – almost hopefully. The moment was back, if just for a millisecond. He was waiting for you to say something, but not out of manners, out of hope. He was hoping you’d say something. Just what? 

Did he want you to persuade him to stay, to beg him? If you knew he wanted that, you’d give it to him. You always could persuade him well… And if he wanted to spend the night, how was up to him. You wouldn’t think of the consequences, of the the damage it could cause between you two. You’d just act in the moment, because if truth be told, your skin was still hot, still itchy, tingling now, with the sudden wonder, and there was an urge in your gut you hadn’t felt for a long time…

However, you didn’t say anything, or do anything. You couldn’t. Not when you were so unsure about his intentions, your intentions. You swallowed and smiled, letting go of his wrist to point towards your wicker chair. “Can you pass me my pyjamas?” 

And that was that. The moment was over again. “Sure.” Seokjin smirked back, the smallest of laughs leaving him as he rose and grabbed them, handing them too you quickly. If he was disappointed, he hid it well. 

Not long after, he was gone, the click of the apartment door ringing in your ears. The silence didn’t really bring you clarity. 

.

.

“Don’t be moody.” You told Seokjin, fighting back your laughter. You could still make out his pout in the darkness of your apartment. “Ikea furniture gets to the best of us. No need to sulk.” 

“I’m not being moody,” he insisted but the tension in his voice told you otherwise. “The bed is fucking stupid!” You finally let yourself giggle, unable to stop as you sat up in your makeshift bed—a mattress on the floor because the frame laid discarded against the wall, screws and bolts strewn across the floor. 

You could see Seokjin’s look of disbelief even in the dim glow of the street lamps outside. He shut you up with his mouth. You weren’t expecting that, but let it happen anyway. Letting him push you onto your back again and clamber over your body. You continued to laugh between each glide of his mouth though, hands running down his back. 

He pulled away, whining lowly. “Why are you still laughing?” 

“It’s just funny.” You upturned your shoulders. “You trying to act all cool and collected when you’re mad as hell.” You’d never seen Seokjin angry or frustrated before so this was all very brand new and amusing to you. 

He glared at you. “I’ll give you funny.” Your hips rolled obediently when you felt his hand slip inside your underwear, reattaching his mouth to yours. “—and mad,” he grunted into your mouth. 

“Okay,” you replied easily, clutching onto him as his finger rubbed at your entrance before pushing carefully inside. After all, that’s what he’d been here for. He’d come over to build your bed and “christen” it as he’d so lovely put it. You’d only just moved in to your own place and you were beyond ecstatic to have your own space, and so was Jin, because, and this was in his own words, “Great, a new place to fuck.” 

You guessed the details didn’t matter, he was still christening your new bed. The mattress was the most important part. Who cared if Seokjin couldn’t follow a simple set of instructions. You weren’t judging him…honest… Besides, the sex like this was amazing. He had a lot of pent up frustration to get rid of and you gladly took it. 

“We’re not making a sound,” he groaned, your legs wrapped around his waist as he kneeled and fucked into you hard and fast. Your shorts were hanging off one ankle, his t-shirt stretched at the neck where you’d tugged it out of shape. “Who knew n-no bedframe was the answer to quiet sex.” You moaned loudly in response, unable to give him anything else.

“Still making you moan though,” he almost menaced, reaching for your ankles to push your legs forward, dick slipping deeper, about to penetrate your gut and kill you if he wasn’t careful. The noises that left you sounded crazed. He cocked an eyebrow, still as smug as ever despite the slack jaw and heavy breathing. “What will your neighbours think?” 

“I’m going to kill you,” you attempted to seethe, nearly biting down on your bottom lip. As if you wanted to be known to your new neighbours as the girl who had sex loudly. 

He just laughed, hands on your hips now as he began to jerk you. “Flip over,” he grunted, slipping out of you as he successfully rolled you onto your front. You spread your legs, desperate to have his dick inside you immediately, and when he pushed inside you moaned low, muffling it as best you could with your pillow.

He soon picked up his pace once more, merciless now, and you tried so fucking hard not to cry out, your moans lodging in your throat, body tense as you tried to control every nerve in your body. It was all slick noises and the thud of his hips hitting your ass and finally his frustration began to leave his body. “Stupid—fucking—ikea—bed,” he growled, thrusting harder into you after every word. 

God. That was it. “S-seokjin,” you almost begged. He was just so deep and hard. You could feel him everywhere, just getting wetter with each grunt that pushed its way from your throat. “You’re gonna make me cum–d-don’t stop.” 

“Am I making you feel good?” He demanded, fingers digging into your ass with the effort of keeping up. He was terribly out of breath now, his only motivation was to make you cum. He couldn’t slow down, not when you were so close. 

“So good,” you said through held breath. You were pushed so flat to the mattress your clit was getting its fair share too, and you closed your eyes tight, seeing stars as you let yourself jump over the edge. “So, so, so good.” 

You came hard. Like so hard your ass twitched. He liked that. His sweaty hands digging into the flesh as he caressed you, thrusts ceasing because he couldn’t take the nonstop pulsing around his cock. He pulled out shortly after, one hand jerking himself off while the other slapped down on your flesh. “Wanna cum on that perfect little ass of yours.” 

You moaned, raising yourself up a little to tease him and it wasn’t long before you felt the warm droplets of his cum dirty your flesh. “Fuck,” he grunted, needing a moment to come to before you heard him shuffle about. And then a whine. “You don’t have anything to clean up with.” 

Well, no. You wouldn’t. This was your first night here. If you didn’t have a bed, you didn’t have tissues on a nightstand. “Not the instruction manual,” you warned when you heard the familiar sounds of paper rustling. “My dad has to come over tomorrow and fix your mess.” 

“Oi.” He whined, but listened, throwing the manual back on the floor. You rolled your eyes when you felt him rub his cum into your skin with the head of his dick. He was just making more mess now, that wasn’t going to clean you up. He realised soon enough and stood up quickly. “I’ll be right back.” 

You let your body relax as he went to the bathroom after some toilet paper, comfy and still vibrating a little from the bliss of your orgasm. Your bare ass was getting a little cold though. Thankfully Seokjin wasn’t too long and he wiped up the mess he’d made pretty quickly. When you finally rolled over to see him walking back from your trash can, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him naked from the waist down. 

“Why are you laughing at me now?” He pouted, sounding genuinely paranoid. That bed frame had really fucked with his head. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, trying to compose yourself. “You’re just…naked. It looks funny.” 

He frowned, still suspicious. “You’ve seen me naked hundreds of times.” Nevertheless, he still stretched his t-shirt down over his crotch, hiding his modesty as he crawled back to you. 

“Yeah, but it was just…SWINGING there,” you giggled, starting up again. 

“Well, yeah, that’s what dicks do.” He almost grumbled. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he was embarrassed. You went to whisper another sorry but then he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing your back (maybe a bit too) tightly to his chest. You stretched your arm behind him to pinch his butt. “Stop!” He warned, but you could feel his grin against your neck as he kissed you. 

You closed your eyes, smiling to yourself. You were so cosy and warm now, happy and sated. You could really fall asleep like this. Seokjin’s arms around you, his breath against your skin. The feeling in our chest was hard to explain. At the tip of your tongue, yet never coming. Annoyingly he moved away to fall onto his back as soon as you were trying to place the emotion and you snapped your eyes open having lost it all together. You grabbed your phone on the floor next to you to check the time. It was 1am. Seokjin really had been here trying to make the bed for nearly 3 hours before he’d given up. You should have just asked your father over in the first place… But you couldn’t tell Jin that, couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings. Bless. 

“We should make the most of the next few hours…” You suggested casually. His groan told you he didn’t agree. He was tried and half asleep. Too tired to start his usual spiel about his dick falling off because you made him fuck you too often. “I knew a guy who ended up in hospital once because he fucked his girlfriend 14 times in a weekend.” Seemed unbelievable. Both ending up in hospital, and having sex over a dozen times in a 48 hour period, but whatever. Seokjin was talking bullshit like usual, because even though he moaned and groaned, he was always the first to initiate the fucking. Example: tonight. You just liked to plant the seed. Example: right now… 

“It was fun.” You whined. “I think I should just say fuck it to the bed and sleep on this groan proof mattress.” 

“Hm. I don’t know. The springs will give out soon enough, and how would you explain it to your parents?” He replied. That was true. Your parents didn’t even know Seokjin existed. Which meant that you had to take the fall for this tomfoolery tonight. Pretend you spent hours trying to screw some planks of wood together… You loved looking like an idiot. But you digressed… 

“But I can still smash up the bed frame for you?” He added, sounding hopeful. Finally admitting his anger. “Fucking piece of shit.” 

.

.

Sleep didn’t give you clarity either. You woke up with a hazy mind, unsure if you were dreaming the memory or just playing it out in your head again as you slowly came to. Half awake, half dreaming. It was almost fitting that you remembered back to that night, like your subconscious was messing with you. If you let your mind wonder more, you were certain it was your favourite memory with Seokjin. You didn’t know why. It was really nothing special. By then you’d had sex too many times to count. They should’ve ended up blurring into one, but there were a handful that stood out. This one more than the rest. Something about the way he’d wanted to help you, even if it was a total fail. You remembered thinking somewhere in the back of your mind, while he was fucking you into your poor mattress, It’s not just sex to him. Ironic, but true. That night should’ve shown you how kind Seokjin could be. Or how kind he was. He didn’t choose as and when to be considerate, the opportunity had just never really presented itself before. You’d never needed a bed building before… 

Ugh. You were a mess. You’d truly thought a good nights sleep would do you good, but no, your mind was still restless and your body ached even more from the night before. You shouldn’t be thinking of the past. Not when things were so good right now, so different. Your friendship with Seokjin worked, it made you happy, but on the outside looking in, was it considered normal? You didn’t think so. Don’t get you wrong, many girls had male friends. You had a couple you spoke to regularly and sometimes hung out with, but that was always in groups. You didn’t have one who you messaged every single day and hung out with alone. You didn’t have one like that until you met Seokjin. Before that, the guy you’d just described had been Yoongi. Perhaps that description better defined a relationship? Texting good morning, going to the mall together, other places, could be the gym, binge watching Netflix… That could be defined as a boyfriend… It was a stereotype, a stupid one, but it made sense. Especially for Seokjin and you who had a history. Come on, past fuck buddies turned best friends forever? It didn’t seem very believable… Maybe you’d been kidding yourself all this time…

Or maybe you hadn’t. Regardless of finer, often ignored, details, the bare foundations of your “relationship” had been about sex. This time was different. You could enjoy one another’s company without the sex, and it felt good. It felt more than good. Last night, your legs on his lap, and then your head on his shoulder, it was a comfort you didn’t know you’d been searching for. It’s what clouded your mind, made you all confused when you’d suggested he stay the night…in your bed. 

That platonic intimacy was all well and good but you couldn’t let it ruin what you had with Seokjin at the moment. Like you said, it worked for not only you, but obviously him too. You’d crossed the line last night and embarrassingly you probably knew the reason why. It was simple really and even more simple to just deal with as you reached for your bedside drawer and pulled out something discreet and pink… There was no better way to clear a frazzled brain than a good orgasm. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d powered up your vibrator. Classes were full, work was tiring, you were busy… It made sense. To blame it on sexual frustration. Seokjin was still as handsome as ever and watching him work out in the gym would fuck with the strongest mind. 

Yes, an orgasm a day kept those thirsty thoughts away… Facts. That’s what you told yourself, and that’s what you believed. 

Seokjin  Marathon tonight?  We can easily get through six episodes 

You  🤙😜 bring chips

Seokjin  Pls stop using emojis  You text like my mom 🙇🏻‍♂️

Not a week later and somehow you and Seokjin had found yourself down a deep and dark Vampire Diaries hole… Shockingly he seemed more into it that you, which amused you to no end. Thankfully you hadn’t sent him running for the hills after your stunt that night after the gym. Maybe he put it down to you being totally disoriented due to the pain of your aching muscles. Maybe he did truly think you were drunk off half a glass of toxic waste. Or maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t noticed anything and you were just being paranoid, deluded, stupid… The list was endless. 

It helped you, consoled your worries because you didn’t have to try your hardest to act normal around him if nothing really happened. Things were normal, like you’d never asked him to spend the night in your bed. You didn’t ask him again and Seokjin made sure to ride his car to your place after that. Maybe there was nothing behind it, but yeah, now you didn’t really have a reason to ask him to stay… Even though sometimes you wanted him too, and not even like that. You just wanted to spend every waking moment with him. It was pretty frightening because you didn’t know what it meant… 

Your vibrator was doing its job to curb those pesky sexual urges of yours but there was nothing really on the market to curb those weird…needy urges of yours. Needy for some affection and warmth that Seokjin seemed to radiate. Your bodies sat closer together each night you hung out. Your legs seemed to find their way onto his lap when you wanted to stretch out and your head found his shoulder every single time you nodded off to sleep… It was like you were magnetised together, or not… It was more so that it came natural to you two. Natural after all these weeks of being back in one another’s lives, and natural after the history you had together… 

You told yourself it was okay, because your need for him wasn’t that raw, sexual type from before. No, it was something else. Something you couldn’t put your finger on. Not that you tried. It was better to not know. What you couldn’t understand couldn’t ruin everything, and you and Seokjin were fine like this. It was easy to ignore if you got to hang out with him like this regularly. If you got to joke with him and talk with him and touch him… It was easy to ignore when you had everything right in front of your eyes. Blissfully ignorant to the warmth in your chest every time you saw him. Blissfully ignorant to the pounding of your heart every time you felt his fingertips on your skin. You guessed your mind was helping your heart not get fucked over again. Or maybe you were just plain dumb… 

.

.

“I think I’m all vampire love angst-ed out for tonight,” Seokjin yawned, letting his head fall back on your couch. 

You agreed. Binging a series was all well and good but soon enough you lost concentration. “I can find something else?” You suggested, getting ready to scroll through the homepage as you moved your legs from his lap to curl them under you. 

Immediately he reached for one of your feet, massaging it absentmindedly. Maybe past you would have teased him for having a secret foot fetish but you didn’t dare to ruin it tonight. You were positive he didn’t even realise he was doing it which made it feel even better. It was such a natural, affectionate thing and you didn’t want to point it out in case he stopped. There you went again… New label: affection whore. 

“I don’t think I can concentrate on anything else,” he chuckled groggily. “We ploughed through seven episodes. It’s nearly 2am.” 

“Mhm.” You agreed, letting your head fall back too. You both looked over at one another. His hair was getting longer again, falling in his eyes. “I’m not tired though.” 

He smiled. “You aren’t?” Smiled harder when you shook your head adamantly. Sleep meant Seokjin would go home, and these days you didn’t want that at all. “Want me to stay for a little longer then?” 

You tried to play it cool, lifting your head straight as you nodded at his gentle voiced suggestion. “If you want.” Inside you were ecstatic. 

He sat up straight too, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Yeah, I can do it. Don’t have class until 3.” You felt guilty. Maybe he didn’t even want to stay any longer, but now his hand was wrapped around the top of your knee, his body leaning into you and it felt so good you stopped worrying. “Aw. How cute.” He cooed, and it took you a moment to understand what he was on about, looking in the direction of his cellphone. 

“Why are you scrolling through my IG?!”  You exclaimed immediately, seeing a picture of eight-year-old you on the screen when #tbt was still a thing… Was it still a thing…?

“It’s funny,” he shrugged. 

“It’s embarrassing.” 

You had to watch him scroll through your entire feed, picking on random pictures to laugh at. For some reason you found yourself a little nervous. No need to be, there was nothing incriminating on there. In fact, you never really used the app, didn’t have many photos on there. Especially now that you’d already deleted a handful that contained Yoongi. You’d taken the plunge to delete the memories a while back, feeling more positive about it. They were only pictures. 

“What is this?” Seokjin laughed, tilting the screen your way. 

He was greatly amused by your silly display in the image, Yumi pretending to strangle you with her own hair in some stranger’s grubby kitchen. “Oh god.” You groaned. For two reasons. 1. The face you were pulling was really embarrassing, and 2. That was the night that changed everything. Because of that night, you were here right now. “That’s the night me and you first…y’know…” You didn’t know why you were telling him that. He had no clue, and it was best not to rake up the past, but for some reason it felt like you needed to say it. 

“Really?” He asked, eyes widening as the shock formed on his face. He flipped the screen his way again, looking over the picture with a small smile. 

He looked almost wistful. It made something in your stomach tighten. You needed to ignore it, forcing your voice to sound offended when you spoke next. “You can’t remember what I was wearing?!” 

His eyes widened yet again, his mouth downturning comically. For some reason he’d missed your sarcasm. “How the hell am I supposed to remember that?” 

“Just teasing,” you giggled, giving him a nudge with your elbow. He relaxed, shaking his head to himself, and you stayed there, nestled by his side. 

“Damn.” He mused. “That seems like a life time ago now but it’s not really.” 

You nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. “Nearly a year.” It had seemed a long time ago once upon a time, now, not at all. So much had happened between then and now, but then, not really… After all, you were still here with him. Just differently now. 

Silence seemed to blanket over you, as if you were both mulling the past over. A part of you was itching to know what he was thinking – if he was at all, but another part of you began to get a little uncomfortable at the unspoken. It was like that lately. As if you wanted him to tell you something. Did he want to tell you something? Or was it all in your head? Sometimes you wanted to tell him things… You just didn’t know what. It was like your brain wouldn’t let you make sense of how your heart was feeling. So like usual, you changed the direction of the conversation. 

“Oh. Wait! I have this app you can download if you’re bored.” He looked down at you as if you were mad. As if he could never be bored in your company, or maybe that was you wishful thinking. You shook yourself out of the deluded funk you were under and held out your hand. “Pass.” He dropped his phone in it obediently and you grabbed at his fingers, using his thumb to unlock it. They seemed to stick together for longer than needed before you spoke again and let him slide his hand away. “You know your birth info, right?” 

He groaned quietly, head falling back as he eyed you, surprisingly knowing immediately where this was going. “Astrology.” 

“Come on, it’s fun,” you insisted, opening the app store up to begin typing. “You make an account and add your friends. It tells you how compatible you are with them.” 

He watched you as if you’d lost it. His voice matched. “You know things like that aren’t really true, right? The stars don’t control our personality traits. Life and choices do.” 

You rolled your eyes. “That’s such a Sag thing to say.” 

That seemed to make him change his tune. He sounded positively offended when he spoke next. “Excuse me. Don’t use my Sagittarius status against me.” 

“If you’re so proud of it, you believe in it.” 

It was his turn to roll his eyes, scoffing. “I don’t even know what it means. Please enlighten me, oh holy one.” 

That silenced you. To be honest you didn’t know much about astrology either. You were a simple human that got excited over even simpler things. Having to listen to Lina blabber on and on about natal charts and houses and planets, and whatever else there was, while you just liked finding out if you were compatible with people… It wasn’t that serious. “I don’t know,” you mumbled lamely, much to Seokjin’s glee. He looked so smug he’d shut you up, you felt the urge to do the same to him pretty much jump out of you.  

“Apparently Sags are free spirited. Don’t really do commitment. Figures.” 

Those were honestly some of the most generic things you could have chosen, bound to get you beat by your own best friend, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and it seemed to do the trick regarding Seokjin anyway. Or, surprisingly, it worked a little too well. He sounded genuinely taken back. “Wow. Okay, that is a harmful stereotype. I can do commitment.” 

Pretty sure he was joking, but also the last statement making you a little confused, if not just by the way his voice turned all high pitched, you continued to tease him. “Okay, Kim Seokjin who has never had a girlfriend in his life.” 

He looked a little speechless at that, expression frozen as his mouth hung open. “That means nothing. So what if I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m still a faithful person.” 

You eyed him sceptically, semi aware you were pretty much bickering now. Bickering about astrology. Well, you’d wanted a diversion… “But you have nothing to base it on.” Committedly staying faithful to a fuck buddy wasn’t exactly the type of commitment you were on about, and even then, he hadn’t technically done that… Fuck. You thought of Sohee instantly. It was stupid, you’d already been through all that and it really was no big deal, but it still seemed to pop up in your mind. You said nothing of what you thought though, thankfully, and Seokjin was shaking his head to himself, not listening anymore anyway. “Astrology is bullshit. I’m sticking with it.” 

You welcomed the break in conversation direction, but seemed to steer it in an even awkwarder one, because well, you were you. “Not all the time. Lina made a fake account for Yoongi and we really didn’t match well on most things.” 

He sniggered. If a noise could both sound amused and condescending in one go, it was that one. “You really need astrology to tell you that?”

That silenced you. Maybe it was his tone, or maybe just what he said, but it made you feel a little stupid. Like possibly Yoongi and you had never really been right for one another and you’d just been deluded the whole time you’d dated. But also, what, Seokjin thought that the whole time too? He just watched you up and leave and attempt to have a relationship with Yoongi? Was he laughing behind your back this entire time? 

“Okay. What do I need to do?” 

Or maybe you were just too sensitive. There was no malice in his words, and there was no need to get so uptight about everything. He was smiling your way as he took his phone back and waited for your reply. He was going to use the damn app like you’d wanted him to.  

You grinned triumphantly, happy he was complying finally, and shuffled back closer to him. Apparently the slight squabble had created some unnoticed distance. “Birthday. Place of birth. Oh,” you suddenly remembered. “Birth time… Do you know it?” 

He looked at you through his bangs. “No. It’s not like I was mentally aware at barely minutes old.” 

His sarcasm annoyed you and narrowing your eyes you pushed at his shoulder. “Ask your mom.” 

“I am not going to get a reply at 2 in the morning.” 

Oh. That was right… It was late. You’d forgotten. With Seokjin time seemed to pass you by alarmingly fast. You swore your bedtime used to be at a reasonable hour before this friendship happened. 

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled, mistaking your expression. “I think I have an idea. It might be wrong though. What if one mistake tells us we’re mortal enemies?” You whacked his shoulder again and he hunched them, protecting himself as he typed in his info. “Okay, now what?” He asked when he was done and the screen loaded. 

“That’s your natal chart.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” 

You ignored him in favour of snatching his phone to scroll through. Once again pretty much clueless to it all but able to find remarks anyway. “Ouch. Aries moon.” 

“What’s that face for?” He practically worried, noticing your grimace. 

You shrugged. “Not really a fan of Aries.” 

“Hey.” 

“You can’t be offended. You don’t believe, remember?” You shot playfully. 

“Hmm,” he grumbled. “Doesn’t seem you like Sagittarius either…” God. Was he really upset over this? You fought the urge to call him cute. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it. Either that or wouldn’t let you live it down. “What do I do now? How can I find out if we’re compatible or not?” 

“Add me.” You did just that for him, searching your username before passing his phone back to him and grabbing your own to accept his request. That’s when you got distracted, scrolling through your account instead to read your long-awaited compatibility. Seokjin’s phone held forgotten in his hand as he waited for your reactions. “Oh,” was all you gave him. 

“What? Huh?” He sounded worried again. It wasn’t like it was a bad oh. Far from it in fact. But it was more of a shocked oh. This was much better than you’d had with anyone else. Much better than Lina. Much, much, much better than Yoongi… It wasn’t like you hadn’t been expecting it, but really it was just astrology… You know you’d fought Seokjin on the matter not ten minutes previous, but he did have a point… It wasn’t that serious… So why were you so happy right now? You were ecstatic over a damn astrology app because it told you that you got along well… Lame. 

“Lemme see,” he whined, totally discarding his phone to grab yours instead. You let him, still a little lost in your own head, buzzing over nothing, and he scrolled dumbly. “We have a lot of smiley faces, is that good?” 

There was a beat of silence, having to force yourself to make normal conversation again. “Yeah,” you smiled, leaning in to point at the screen. “We only have one conflicting aspect. Philosophies in life. That’s fine.” Seokjin seemed impressed, only you knew he secretly wasn’t having an internal breakdown over it like you. Your insides felt funny. No matter what you guys did, something always seemed to trigger your body into acting weird. Maybe astrological compatibility was a bad move. You were dumb. 

“Sex and aggression? What?” He muttered to himself, reading the headings of each section in bemusement. The next thing you knew, he was grinning smugly at you. You waited in confusion. “Hello. It’s telling me our sexual chemistry is off the charts.” 

“It is not,” you insisted, astonished he’d even say that out loud to you. Yes, there were times you skirted around your hook ups – the gym leggings always came to mind, when he basically admitted he’d checked out your ass – but as an unspoken rule, you didn’t speak about your past. Hell, you didn’t even speak much about sex in general. It wasn’t awkward, it seemed to work well, but now… Well, you’d done this to yourself, hadn’t you? Stupid fucking app… 

Seokjin cocked an eyebrow. “What it wasn’t off the charts?” You went to reply no, that wasn’t what you meant, but stopped yourself. That would just make things worse, and by the look of the smirk on his face he wasn’t done teasing you anyway. He wiped it away and regarded you seriously. “Please don’t tell me you were faking it the whole time.” 

“Eww,” you couldn’t help but exclaim, dragging the syllable out. Ahhh. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You could already feel your cheeks burning. The natural reaction to anything to do with sex and Seokjin these days. He picked up on it straight away. 

“Don’t go red,” he grinned. “I know I was the best fuck you ever had. This app basically confirms it.” 

“Oh, my god.” That’s all you could manage. Safe for wanting the ground to open up and swallow you and the couch, it’s all you could do. Those words had actually left his mouth, and now you were fucked. You’d be thinking about them for a long time. You shouldn’t be thinking of things like that when it came to friends. You tried to take a few hidden slow breaths, attempting to cool the scorching of your cheeks and sound normal when you spoke again. “Do you always have to speak about sex?” 

Teasing on teasing, it was the best way to go. Just ignore everything else, like the reality of the situation and hide. 

He answered, that shit eating grin still on his face. “Lies. I haven’t spoken about sex with you since we became friends.” Why did he say it like that, like he had it in quotations? You’d fucked up with this one, you should’ve just stuck to watching Vampire Diaries. 

“You get all uptight and red. Look like you’re going to explode,” he continued, nudging you with his shoulder. You shook your head, refusing to look at his face now. “Like now,” he laughed. You’d proved his point beautifully, because yes, your head was about 0.5 seconds away from blowing right off your shoulders from pure panic and awkwardness. However, not only that, but you also had the awful sinking feeling you get when you knew you couldn’t hide from something anymore. It wasn’t really him you were hiding from, but yourself… 

“What changed? You never used to get this embarrassed when I was—

“Stop right there,” you warned, jerking your head up to point at him, positive you’d keel over if he finished his sentence. That, or jump him. Your face was hot, yes, but so was your body. Between your legs was beginning to get that familiar glow. You couldn’t help it. The air had seemed to turn hot, stuffy, and despite your awkwardness over the conversation you were still very much sat tight to him, body curled in his direction. There was the whole of the couch but you two were crammed in one seat – like you had been all night. 

“Okay,” he surrendered, hands up, resting his head against the cushions again, before a little smirk spread its way across his face. “This app just obviously knows what it’s talking about.” 

You groaned instantly, defeated, turning to press your forehead into the back of the couch too.  “I can’t with you.” You couldn’t do this. Make eye contact, have a conversation that was tiptoeing around edges you didn’t want to acknowledge. You were flustered, awkward, and something told you Seokjin was loving it. He loved having this effect on you. 

“Really? Then tell me why you had sex with me way over a hundred times?” 

“YOU KEPT COUNT?!” That did it. You were so momentarily shocked, head bursting up to stare at him, the awkwardness was gone, distracted away. 

“No,” he replied, smiling almost sheepishly but still sounding unfazed. “It’s a guesstimate.” 

“A guesstimate?” You repeated, unable to stop yourself from laughing. He liked that, laughing too as he poked your knees with his fingers absentmindedly. “Seokjin, do you keep a little black book? A tally chart?” You teased, voice low. 

“No,” he insisted. “I’m just saying, we were hooking up for over four months. Now, not that we had sex every single day of those four months, because we didn’t. My dick would’ve fallen off, but there were times when you wanted me to fuck you multiple times in one night—”

You couldn’t help but interrupt him, scoffing in disbelief. “I wanted you to? More like you wanted to.” This was dangerous territory. You were enjoying yourself a little too much, forgetting yourself… Forgetting what you were so worried about. 

He stared at you, sarcasm loud and clear. “Okay. Keep believing that.” He pulled his hand up to scratch at his forehead and it took you a moment to realise at some point you’d latched onto it. “But anyway.” He continued, “say there’s 30 days in one month. Multiply that by four and you get 120. I’m actually being very lenient. We definitely fucked more than a hundred times.” 

“Oh my fucking god, you’re such a nerd,” you groaned. Your face still felt hot but the embarrassment had gone for the most part. No, it was something else… He was still a nerd though. An inaccurate nerd, but one nonetheless. 

“It’s simple math.” He shrugged, seemingly unbothered as he went back to scrolling through the phone to continue reading. You watched him, hoping he couldn’t hear how loud your heart was beating in your chest. The adrenaline was pumping through your veins scarily fast. For what? 

“Our way of loving is very compatible,” he nodded to himself, sounding like some sort of professor making sense of his findings.

You whined. “Quit concentrating on the sex.” Did he want you to start remembering back? That wasn’t a good idea, nor was it a good idea for the batteries in your vibrator. The thought almost made you cringe. You were twisted. Sick and twisted. Hope Seokjin was happy with himself. 

“I’m not! It keeps coming up!” He enraged, huffing softly to himself as he began to read again. You smiled. “Okay. How about this?” Obviously he’d been searching for something else. Something more substantial. “The way we grow and dream are aligned. That’s deep.” 

You smiled harder. “I thought you didn’t believe in astrology.” 

He upturned a shoulder. “I don’t. It’s just funny how they know our hook ups were pretty amazing.” 

“Seokjin!” You hit his chest. This wasn’t fair. 

“You’ve turned red again.” 

“No wonder.” However, it wasn’t due to any type of mortification like he probably thought. You were just very…uncomfortable, if that made sense. There was no longer a glow between your legs, but a burn. “Stop. What is with you tonight?” You whined. “You’re tired. You’re talking without a filter.” 

It probably wasn’t that. Usually careful, like you’d said, tonight was different. Very different. Similar to how you used to act when you were having sex with one another. What had gotten into him, and why did it feel like you were getting your hopes up? You were slightly nervous. Slightly scared. Slightly excited. Hopeful...  

“Nah.” He shook his head casually. “The app is just inflating my ego.” 

That was it. You threw your hands at him again, pushing at his chest in a bid to shut him up once and for all. He couldn’t just tease you and get away with it. It was grossly unfair. You were sensitive. Somewhere was sensitive to this kind of behaviour. Always had been. 

“Stop hitting me,” he yelled, indignant and dramatic, making you laugh. 

He grabbed a hold of your hands, stopping you from doing anymore damage to his precious body, but when you fought back he pushed you down, squashing you into the arm of the couch. Defenceless and at his mercy as he began tickling under your arms. You stammered his name, unable to do much else between the gasps of breath and high-pitched giggling, but he didn’t relent, leaning into you as he laughed along, sofa beginning to squeak under the avid movement, ticking whatever he could reach now. 

“J-Jin, stop—STOP,” you managed to finally shriek, trying your best to wriggle away from him. You stopped trying to fight his fingers in favour of going for something more sensitive. His nipples. In your defence, you were being attacked. You pinched one of them, missing the other while roaring, “You know I’m ticklish!!” 

“Hey. Woah. W-woah,” he panicked, easing up immediately but still lightly tickling your sides. “Not the nipples. You’ll make them bleed.” 

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes. “You’re lucky I didn’t go for your dick.” 

“Lucky?” He eyed you. “I don’t know if I’d call it that.” 

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, his words ringing in your ears. There was really only one way you could take that, right? Dangerous territory back, however with the whole impromptu tickle fight, did it ever go away? This was just worse because he was basically on top of you. There was nowhere to escape – thoughts included. 

“You need to be stopped,” you warned, but there was a grin on your face as you spoke. The flirtation went both ways. You hoped he realised that, caught on. 

He pulled his hands back. It took you a moment to realise he’d stopped tickling you a while ago. “I can’t help it. I like hearing you laugh,” he said, smiling as he moved to sit properly again. He grabbed your hand to help you up too. You took it gladly, gripping it like you wanted him to know you didn’t want to let go. “I like seeing you happy.” He continued. God. What was he doing? You watched him tilt his head, looking you right in the eyes. “Do I make you happy?” 

You couldn’t fight your grin any longer, shaking your head a little in disbelief. It was both ways and he did realise. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

Your eyes locked for a moment, and you were almost begging him to just say something else, do something else, but the slight masochistic part of you loved the waiting, the unknown, the longing… It was like some sort of competition between the two of you. To see who could go the longest, tease the hardest, until one of you blew and gave in… Or maybe you were both just too nervous and scared and this was the only bit of relief you could get… Shameless flirting that got you embarrassingly flustered… 

Seokjin wasn’t going to burst tonight. He let go of your hand to pick up his phone, knowing you were still watching him as he smiled. “I’m sure some type of something will tell me that on this stupid app.” It took you a moment to catch what he was referring to. Words slipping through your mind and out of your ears as quickly as they sounded. Yes, that fucker made you happy and didn’t he know it. You stretched your legs out across his lap. 

“When’s the last time you went to a party?” 

You furrowed your eyebrows at his random question. Just like that your previous conversation was over, or just dormant until the next time it was brought up, which probably wouldn’t be a long wait. You shrugged. “Yonks ago. You know how much I hate them.” You wouldn’t say it out loud in fear of making the moment awkward, but the last two parties you’d attended weren’t very high up on your fond memories list… 

“Brian’s having one at his parents’ this weekend. They’re out of town. Come along.”

He sounded so casual you wouldn’t think he’d been practically on top of you tickling the life out of you not five minutes previous. Flirting with you shamelessly, basically insinuating he wanted you to touch his dick. Fuck. There it was. Thoughts slipping into your brain. You hoped he knew how infuriating he was sometimes. “I don’t know, I don’t know him that well,” was what you replied. You could do casual too. Even if your voice was slightly shaky. The tickling or something else, who knew… 

“He said I could ask you.” Seokjin shook your knee encouragingly, like he was softly urging you to say yes. “It’s not a big party, nothing too crazy. He said you can invite Lina too, her boyfriend.” He paused to shrug. “If you don’t want to come alone or with me.” 

You snickered. “I don’t want to cramp your style.” 

“I thought we both agreed I don’t have style.” 

That just made you laugh harder, pressing the pads of your fingers into the veins of his hand. He didn’t seem to mind. He really wanted you to come, huh? But you needed to hear him say it himself… “Do you want me to come?” 

He glanced at you, matter of fact as he replied. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

And just like that, not even two minutes later, you were back where you always ended up…

In circles. 

“Christ. I’m going to have to cut the sexual tension with a knife soon.” 

You turned to Lina, slumped and looking painfully held against her will on the couch next to you. You couldn’t tell if the party was shit or if it was something else, considering what she’d just commented. “What do you mean?” 

Her eyes widened, unable to believe you were actually that clueless. (You weren’t.) “You and him,” she paused to shoot a look over at Seokjin drinking in the doorway of Brian’s lounge. “You’ve been eyeballing one another all night.” She wasn’t bothering to whisper and you panicked, whacking her elbow. “He can’t hear us,” she exclaimed. She was correct. The music was so loud you bet there’d be a noise complaint soon enough. Brian lived in a nice part of town… 

It was so loud you managed to successfully evade her remarks. Not that she was really looking for an answer. If she was sensing tension, you were drowning in it… You were hoping it wasn’t that obvious... Maybe it was worse than you thought… These last few days had been a little weird. You’d finally managed to acknowledge that something was going on between Jin and you. It wasn’t just friendship, and you were nearly 100% certain he felt the same. You just didn’t know what it was you both felt, and you didn’t want to know just yet. There was plenty of time for that. Or so you thought. You’d made the decision to just wait and see how things naturally progressed, wanting to enjoy whatever the hell was happening between you two as it evolved. Only, it seemed to be evolving at a much faster pace than you’d expected. Tonight just proved that. 

You hadn’t seen him for near five days. Work and college were kicking both your asses, along with other friendship commitments, because apparently no one ever saw you anymore since Seokjin had arrived back on the scene… (Lina’s words.) You thought you’d be fine. You knew you were seeing him tonight, and you had been fine. Perfectly fine until you’d walked through Brian’s door and seen Seokjin in the kitchen knocking back a beer. Your first thought was how you’d been able to bear hanging around with him at such a close proximity when he was just so goddamn hot?! Dressed in all black, hair parted so that dangerous forehead of his was on show... You were made of steel. But not anymore… Your knees felt weak as he spotted you and raised his glass, winking playfully. That was Lina’s first groan of the night. By now you were twenty something deep and she’d totally gotten the message…

You wanted Seokjin. The thought had never been so clear. It wasn’t this clear when you were hooking up all those months ago and it wasn’t this clear when you were masturbating in your bed trying to fool yourself you were just sexually frustrated. It wasn’t even this clear four nights ago when you were lying in bed not an hour after the tickle attack coming up with the facts after Seokjin had left. 

The facts were you’d fallen for him. You didn’t know when, but it was obviously somewhere down the line of your new friendship. You didn’t even want to think when. It was all too confusing, and you had much better things to think about. Like how warm his hands were and how hard his body was. How cute his laugh sounded and how soft you remembered his lips to be… You couldn’t even think about what that all meant. For you, for him, for… Nevermind. You didn’t want to think tonight. That could come at a later date. You were sick of thinking. You just wanted to feel. 

You hadn’t felt like this in forever. You wondered if you’d ever felt like this? The excitement was similar to how it used to be months ago, when you and Seokjin were hooking up and you’d see one another at a party or out clubbing, but it had never been this intense. You felt giddy all night. It was pretty embarrassing, especially with Lina as your witness. But you couldn’t care, not when it seemed like Seokjin was feeling the same vibes. It was funny, like you were both playing a little game. You hadn’t even spoken in person all night, the stolen glances and little text messages seemed a better idea. Maybe there was some shyness involved too, or maybe Seokjin was still a little scared of Lina… Either way, you fooled around like that all night. You still kept rereading the first messages of the night in between smiles and now longing glances… You were actually taking another look when Lina had finally stated the apparent. 

 Seokjin  Hey : ) You look really pretty tonight  Not that you don’t always 

“Are you going to speak to him at all, or?” She prodded after a few more minutes, catching another smile your way. Seokjin noticed too and quickly looked away, probably afraid Lina would have his guts for garters if he stared long enough. 

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, replying at the same time. “He hasn’t come over.” Not that you were bothered. She knew that too. 

“Oh for fuck sake,” she groaned. “You’re enjoying this. I feel dirty. Like I’m watching in on something I shouldn’t.” 

You shrugged her off. She was miserable because Mr. Perfect Park Jimin couldn’t make it, too busy studying for a Monday morning test… You were surprised however, when she stood up to leave. “Friends my ass. I’m getting a drink.”

“Don’t be like that,” you whined. But also you were needy, you didn’t want to be alone in the middle of a party. 

She ignored you, leaning in to actually speak quieter this time. “Make a move or I’ll start hating him again.” You looked up at her with wide eyes, not quite believing your ears. Was this the voice of all reason? But maybe more importantly, was this Lina’s very own blessing? 

Her parting line before she flounced off left you sat there nonplussed. “Now I know why you care so much about my opinion on him.” 

You looked over at the doorway again. Seokjin was joking around with Hoseok and you took the time to really study him. Had the sight of just his face always made you this breathless? The way his cheeks rounded when he smiled, the ways his eyes crinkled… Even his ears were cute. Since when had his mere existence turned your life upside down and why were you only now realising it? 

It was like you were seeing clearly for the first time. Kinda like putting on your glasses in the morning and everything comes into focus. You could see again. No, you could finally see. Seokjin. It was him. It wasn’t just some sexual attraction you shared, a sexual connection. It wasn’t that small, that petty… It was more than that. You wanted it to be more than that. You needed it to be more, and you needed him to feel the same… 

You looked towards where Lina had disappeared. She saw it too. Make a move. That what she’d said, but you were scared. You were always scared. You’d gotten hurt so many times before. However… However, Seokjin was different. He wasn’t like the rest. He was Seokjin. The guy who knew you better than anyone. The one who had been there for you when you’d needed someone, helped you without asking… 

Make a move. 

You should make a move. You didn’t want to play games anymore. You couldn’t wait any longer. 

The buzz of your phone caught your attention. You opened the messages quickly. 

Seokjin  Look at me again ;(  I miss you  It’s been days since I last saw you

You kept missing one another. You’d just been staring at him for the past couple of minutes and as soon as you’d looked away, he was looking back… It felt like it captured something else. How you’d both been all this time… 

You looked up to meet his eyes. He gave you the warmest smile. One that felt like he hadn’t seen you in weeks even though he’d been in the same building as you all night. It made the tugging in your chest more apparent than ever before. The yearning now finally making sense. It was for him, and he was looking at you as if you were the only person in this way, way too fancy house. 

You looked away quickly, unsure if you even smiled back at him. Your heart was thudding against your ribcage, mind racing, and you really needed something. Water? Fresh air? No, something else… 

You i can’t look at you again tonight 

Seokjin  How come?

Seokjin replied immediately. Poor guy, he was probably confused by your peculiar behaviour. Not that you had much time to recognise that. You were too busy typing again. You knew what you needed. 

You  because i’ll want to kiss you 

And with that, you were gone. Darting out the opposite doorway. Brian’s house was massive, and you were pretty sure no one was allowed upstairs but you bolted up there anyway, the music getting quieter as you made it further. Your cellphone burnt in your palm, reminding you of your own stupidity, but soon enough it was vibrating again. You dreaded to look but knew you had to. 

Seokjin  Wait  Where did you go  ????

You made it down the hall, flicking on a light to see all the doors were closed. You tried your luck at opening one. It was locked, probably his parents’ bedroom, so you tried another. That led to a bathroom, and while it would do, you didn’t really feel like having a breakdown in there, you know, being at a party and all. You weren’t even drunk. The third door you tried was thankfully unlocked. A bedroom. Not Brian’s. Too florally. You sat on the bed, door ajar, letting some light in as you text Seokjin back with shaky fingers. 

You upstairs  i’m embarrassed 🤧

He replied instantly. He’d definitely been waiting. It made you feel better. 

Seokjin Don’t be  Can I follow you?

You please  i’m in the bedroom with the door half open 

You replied without much thought. Yes, you were embarrassed but you really wanted to see him. To speak to him. To kiss him. You really wanted that. How had you been able to suppress it for so long? 

You stood up to wait for him, unable to keep still and awkwardly stared facing the door, heart still thudding loudly in your chest. You could hear it echoing through your ears. He wasn’t long. He burst through the door like there was a fire but stopped in his tracks when he saw you stood there. Waiting for him. 

He smiled softly but his eyes stayed afraid to blink. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” You smiled back. Your first words of the night. They were enough. 

“What’s going on—”

Your mouth was on his before he could finish. You didn’t even remember breaking the distance between you two, but there you were, pressing your lips into the curve of his. They were just as soft as you remembered. Softer. But as soon as you’d had the feel he was pulling away, hooking under your elbows to part you both, looking bewildered. “Wait, you’re really kissing me?” 

You heart fell into your gut, opening your mouth to apologise. Maybe you’d misread everything. Maybe he didn’t want you. Maybe he’d followed you to let you down gently like the fool you were… However as soon as the panicked thoughts had entered your mind he was kissing them away, laughing in disbelief as he moulded into you, wrapping his arms around your middle. 

You met each flurry of his mouth, small kisses in quick succession, like you were both too afraid to break away for too long and you flung your arms around his shoulders, locking him to you. “Is that okay?” You whispered between hot presses, which was very pointless now seeing as he’d made the second move. 

He chuckled. “It’s more than okay.” 

And that was that. You didn’t need anymore insisting or persuading. Seokjin wanted to kiss you too, and that’s what you let him do. You wanted to think more. Like about how this wasn’t the best place to share such a moment. In a bedroom you weren’t allowed in. At a party for god’s sakes. Yet, perhaps it was fitting. That first night you’d spent together was at a party. It was a stupid idea at the time, something you thought you’d regret, but nope, you didn’t regret a thing. No, this moment right here was pretty perfect. More than pretty perfect. It was perfect. It really was. 

Just like him. You didn’t know when Kim Seokjin had become the one you were looking for. He probably always was, you’d just been stupid. Oblivious. Blind. These past couple of months had really opened your eyes. You’d let him into your heart. Your heart that you’d been sure wasn’t working properly. Turns out there was nothing wrong with it. It just thrummed to Seokjin’s smile. Seokjin’s laugh. Seokjin’s voice. You found the way he twitched his nose without realising cute. Couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable his serious face was. Remembered how surprised you were when you found out he actually had a pretty good singing voice and how after that you’d tried your best into tricking and baiting him to sing for you… It never worked. 

You laughed at the memory. Seokjin had no clue what you were so amused by, but he laughed along too. Sounding so genuinely happy it just made you laugh harder. You were lost again. Your thoughts would have to go on pause. Just for a bit. So you could enjoy this fully. This was what you’d been missing. It was crystal clear. Everything you’d been searching for. It was Seokjin. You were slow, months late, but it was him. 

The warmth of his tongue glided across your bottom lip, ever so gently trying to seek entrance into the warmth of your mouth. You gave it to him gladly, tasting him eagerly. The familiarity seeped through your veins, your mind almost in a dreamlike state as you moved together. Things were just how you left them. He still felt the same under your fingertips and tasted the same against your tongue. Only tonight there was a little difference. In the way he moved. In the way he treated you. There was something more. Something that had been missing in the past. Something you’d both never thought about. 

He moved you, walking backwards with you still cradled in his arms as he slowly began shutting the door with his back. He flipped you then, so that you took his place and he gently pushed you back until the door clicked. That blanketed you both in darkness, but you didn’t care. If anything he kissed you harder, hands running down your waist and digging into your hips as yours explored the broadness of his shoulders and length of his back. You could taste the slightest hint of beer too, but unlike in the past when you’d whined and pulled a face, you welcomed it. He matched each sweet sigh you gave him with his own low moan. 

However soon enough the deeper the kiss got, the more overwhelmed you became, each curl of his tongue taking the breath from right within your chest, so you were not disappointed or desperate when he slowed down, returning to kissing you in small, quick successions. His breathing ragged, his eyes unfocused as he fluttered them open to find you staring back at him. 

“Seokjin,” you murmured, clinging to him to now, fingertips pressing into his shoulder blades. You wanted to say more. You had a lot to tell him, but you were dizzy and the words wouldn’t come. God. You had so much to say. 

“I’m here,” he smiled, rubbing your noses together. As if understanding completely and reassuring you. He kissed at your mouth a few more times but it was no where near as urgent as before. All your pent-up frustration had evaporated and in its place was just the urge to keep on feeling things softly. Feeling things gently. 

He held your hips, keeping you close to him, and maybe he could read the look in your eyes. It matched his. “Sh-should we be doing this right now?” His voice was fragile. Still affected but also nervous. “Maybe we should slow down. Catch a breath.” He stroked up and down your sides as he continued. 

You let the comfort of his warm breath against your face wash over you and nodded slowly. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, although unneeded. “I do want this though.” 

He smiled again. “I want this too.” A kiss to the tip of your nose this time as you let out a soft exhale. You were too happy for words. Nervous, yes. Uncertain, you bet. However you hadn’t felt this contented in a long while. If ever. This relieved. It wasn’t a dream. Seokjin and you were on the same page. 

“Let’s wait until tomorrow?” He asked carefully. This was new to you both and you needed to make sure nothing was rushed nor ignored. “We can talk properly and work out what’s going on with us, hm?” 

You nodded again, lips sticky and warm as you tugged your bottom one between your teeth. “That sounds good.” 

He hugged you in response. A proper hug. One you’d been in need of for a while. You just hadn’t realised until his arms were wrapped tightly around your body, pressing you into his. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent.

“It does,” he agreed.

Written 2019-20. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[thechildoflightning]

Forecast

Title: Forecast

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Remile

Word Count: 3217

~~~

Summary: 

An average fall morning with Remile, ft. depression fog, broke college students buying expensive coffee, teeny tiny pumpkins, emotional distress, and succulents (not in that order). 

For the lovely @illogicallyinclined’s hockey au.

Warnings: Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder

[ao3 link]

~~~

Forecast

Remy had mixed feelings about October and the approaching holidays and seasons. 

On one hand- October meant Halloween which meant seasonal drinks like Pumpkin Spice. It also meant that decorations went up and he and Emile would get a bunch of those ittie bittie pumpkins to put literally everywhere in their apartment. Emile would light his candles and the apartment would smell like falling leaves, and apples, and pumpkin pie. He loved it. 

On the other hand- October brought the beginnings of Remy’s seasonal affective disorder- which he had just nicknamed “The Big Sad.” Seasonal depression adding onto his regular depression was just another weight on his back, until it became an almost struggle to just be at a decent mood level. He hated it

This year had hit him hard.

He wasn’t even sure why.

So here he was, lying on the bed he shared with Emile, blinking up at the ceiling and trying to convince himself to just… get up.

He could. He knew he could. 

It was always the mornings too. The mornings were a bit harder than everything else because now he had the whole day looming ahead of him and it just seemed so long and forbidding.

Over the years, Remy had counteracted this with a routine. If mornings were always going to be hard for him, might as well give him something to get up for, right? So he had collected succulents over the past few years, slowly decorating the apartment. He’d check them all every morning, fingers gliding over their leaves carefully to take note of growth, decay, light damage, shade damage, soil dryness, and much more.

Had he really expected to learn this much about succulents? No. But he had. And he loved it. 

Most importantly, it gave him a reason to get up.

He would then make himself breakfast, and Emile some too if he was around, before heading to classes, work, practice, or whatever he had that day.

The routine kept him moving, kept him active, kept him from not sitting in bed all day long. 

These days, it generally wasn’t even a struggle. But he woke up on the third day of October with a weight in his bones and the faint smell of ginger and cinnamon in the air.

His alarm had gone off twice now. The second one was his safety. His “okay, you’re having a rough day, here’s a few extra minutes, but then you need to get up alarm.” 

He hadn’t gotten up.

Nope. Instead, he was blinking lazily up at the ceiling, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes and a heavy weight settled across his chest. Fuck depression. Fuck SAD.

This was, of course, when the door opened.

“Remy!” his roommate? friend? boyfriend? partner’s voice cheered as he entered the apartment, “Guess what! The cafeteria put up little pumpkins today and I remembered we hadn’t gone out and gotten any yet and we don’t have weights or Zumba today, and you don’t work until later so we totally have time to-”

Emile cut himself off as he realized that the kitchen area (that was more than a kitchenette but less than an actual kitchen) did not actually contain the person he was attempting to rant to.

Remy would give him to the count of three. 

Sure enough, right as Remy ticked the final number off in his head, the door to their room (which had technically started as Remy’s but was now really both of theirs) was pushed open by Emile.

“Rem?” the voice called.

He couldn't quite make his vocal cords work, but he could shift slightly under the bed covers.

Seconds later the light in the room was flickering on and Emile’s warm gaze met Remy’s cold one.

“Oh,” Emile said, taking in the situation, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Remy replied meekly.

Emile sighed at the reply. But it wasn’t one of those sighs of frustration or annoyance. It was one of those small sighs that was just a breath of air. A reassurance. Emile always sighed like that. Remy thought it was maybe a stupid thing to love, but he loved it nonetheless.

Emile walked forward and settled on the edge of the bed, extending an arm with the palm face up. 

A knot grew in Remy’s throat, even as he extended his own hand to grasp Emile’s.

“You’re usually up by now,” Emile offered.

“I know,” he said.

“What are you at?”

Remy sighed. This sigh wasn’t like Emile’s nor was it one of frustration. No, it was a sigh representative of the crushing weight of everything in the world building up and accumulating, dragging Remy down with it.

“Big SAD’s at like a six or seven? It’s, it’s not so bad. Just used to it being a lot better now. This year hit hard,” Remy confided.

Emile nodded and rubbed his thumb soothingly against the back of Remy’s hand.

“I need to get up,” Remy said.

“You usually check on your plants,” Emile said. It was his way of agreeing, his way of encouraging and supporting Remy on days like this without providing pressure. Holding his hand and grounding him, reminding him he wasn’t alone. Talking about his plants and their needs, reminding him he had a routine. That getting up seemed impossible, but it wasn’t.

Remy groaned loudly before dropping Emile’s hand and rolling to the side of the bed. He let his weight carry himself over the edge, caught him just before he fell, and stood.

He made it out of bed. That was something.

(Emile’s soft laughter at his behavior was also quite the reward).

As Emile continued to giggle, the faint outline of a smile graced Remy’s face. He rushed forward and lifted Emile up, twirling him once before setting him down and giving his hair a soft kiss. He released Emile, and then started for the day.

“Plants first,” Remy said, “Then breakfast. Sound good?”

“I can help with breakfast,” Emile offered.

“No,” Remy insisted immediately, “No I always make breakfast, it’s okay.”

Emile shrugged, but relented without further argument.

Remy moved to the windowsill that contained his plants, and began to check the first one’s leaves. Emile stood right next to him, not quite in his way, but close to it.

“Maybe I should get some plants. Maybe some flowers that can grow indoors.”

“Em, honey, you don’t have the time.”

Em pouted, sweater paws folding over his chest, but didn’t protest Remy’s claim. Remy laughed at the sight and moved to the next plant.

The fog of depression still settled in his brain, but now that he was up and talking and moving, it seemed to be lifting a bit more. It was settling back to be manageable once more, instead of overwhelming. He could deal with that.

“Remy! This one has flowers!” Emile suddenly exclaimed, from further down the windowsill, which considering the windowsills length, was just a few more inches down.

Remy pulled his attention away from the current succulent he was inspecting, and directed it towards the plant Emile had been pointing out.

Sure enough, just in between two thick green nubs, a long green stem with tiny blooming white flowers appeared. Remy smiled at the sight and Emile tucked into his side.

“It’s pretty,” Emile claimed.

“Mmhmm, yeah,” Remy agreed, hooking his head over Emile’s own, and holding him there for a minute. He wasn’t really quite tall enough to do such, so he had to stand on his tiptoes and raise his chin a bit, but it was so worth it.

They stood there together a bit, peering at the little white flowers, before moving onward with their day.

~

During breakfast, Emile re-explained what he had started to that morning when he had first entered the apartment. 

He told Remy about how the main dining hall now had the tiny baby pumpkins up in it and how they absolutely had to get some for the apartment themselves. He was practically begging, coming up with a billion and one reasons that they should get them, as if Remy didn’t love them just as much.

After breakfast, they cleaned up, and Remy showered and dressed, before heading out to get said pumpkins. Emile had been right, it was hard to find substantial time when they were both free to do things together, and Thursday mornings happened to be one of the few times. They still didn’t have a lot of time, but it was something.

They were walking in the direction of the grocery story when Emile came to a complete halt. Remy blinked and tried to figure out what had happened.

Just a minute ago Emile had been talking about one of his classes. Remy had been trying to listen, really he had, but the fog in his brain had started to pick up again, making each step a little bit harder and listening to even mindless chatter almost impossible

It also meant that if Emile had given any warning or explanation for stopping, Remy had completely missed it.

“Emile?” he asked.

“Let’s get coffee,” he said, gesturing to the Starbucks in front of them.

Okay, that wasn’t fair. Emile knew he was going to say yes.

“Coffee’s expensive,” he mentioned. They were broke college students which was why it was completely unfair of Emile to say they were getting coffee because of course Remy was going to say yes but they couldn’t keep buying the stuff if they wanted to have food for meals and tiny pumpkins.

“Yeah, but I know you love the seasonal drinks. My treat,” was Emile’s response.

“Emile, I’m literally the one with the discount.”

And the one with the father that was more than willing to fund Remy’s coffee addiction three times over but he was trying to adult himself with minimal support from parents. Minimal support meaning yes please pay for my education and part of rent that is very appreciated but also I should probably learn how to feed and clothe myself I’ll let you know if I’m failing at that and then you can swoop in and save me.

“Okay. Then your discount, my money. Mostly my treat.”

Emile’s defense was weak at best but it didn’t really take much to convince Remy in the first place. Plus, he had that blinding smile on his face that just made Remy melt.

“Okay,” he agreed, “Okay. Coffee. But we can’t make it a habit.”

Emile shrugged, nodded, and pulled him towards the door.

“We won’t,” he promised, “Just today. Special occasion.”

Remy grinned lightly. Emile was always saying stuff like that, calling mundane things special or important. Remy pretended to hate it, but somehow, whenever Emile did it, it really did make whatever event just a little bit magical.

“And what, pray tell, is so special,” he drawled, dropping his arm onto Emile’s shoulder.

Emile shrugged and moved forward to get in line, Remy trailing afterwards, leaning his weight against him just to piss him off. (It didn’t seem to be working as Emile just sorta snuggled into his side and, great, now he was blushing).

“It’s special because…” Emile trailed, before his eyes lit up like gems, “Because you got out of bed this morning!”

A lump grew in Remy’s throat and he had the urge to take his arm off of Emile’s shoulder. The blush that had spread across his cheeks faded.

“I did,” he said, aiming for casual, “Y’know, it’s pretty simple. You just yank off the covers and hop out. Or fall off in this morning's case.”

Emile gave him a look.

“Yeah. It is simple. Doesn’t mean it's easy,” Emile said, with that wisdom he seemed to always carry and spew out. Damn emotional intelligence.

Remy did drop his arm this time, pulling it away from Emile.

Emile frowned and opened his mouth, but didn’t get the opportunity to say anything more as they made it to the front of the line. 

Remy moved forward quickly and ordered for himself. When he was done, he went to order for Emile like he always did, but stopped when he realized that Emile hadn’t actually told him what he wanted this time.

See, Remy always ordered for Emile. Emile’s anxiety made it harder for him to talk to strangers, especially when it involved ordering or asking for something. It was certainly something Emile was capable of doing, and something he sometimes insisted on doing just so that he knew he still could, but it was also something he generally preferred not to do. Remy had no such issues and so Emile would tell him what he wanted and Remy would order for them both.

But Emile hadn't gotten the chance to tell him what he wanted. Remy could guess, but he hated to do that when Emile was right here and could choose what he wanted himself. He hated to assume, even if he was usually pretty spot on. Knowing Emile for such a long time made it pretty easy at this point.

The worker was looking at them now, as Remy’s pause went on for a touch too long.

“Emile?” Remy asked.

“Oh, uh,” the other boy stuttered, before rattling his own order off.

They didn’t really speak until they had left the shop and continued on their way to the grocery store.

“Earlier,” Emile started, “I know you can get out of bed. I wasn’t trying to- I dunno- mock you or something. I just know that it can be hard for you- that it was hard this morning. I-” he shrugged, “I’m not proud of you because that’s just-” he wrinkled his nose up, “That’s not something for me to be proud of, but you… You should be proud of yourself.”

Remy sighed and reached out to clutch Emile’s hand.

“I know,” he agreed, “It’s just that…” he sighed, and the fog in his brain continued to swirl around, “Thank you,” he said instead and worked on trying to maybe take Emile’s words to heart. The swirling didn’t seem to like it, but it could fuck off because he was going to buy little mini pumpkins with his- his Emile and it was going to be great.

Emile squeezed his hand.

“Pumpkins?” Remy offered, and Emile just smiled and nodded in return.

~

They didn’t have the time to decorate their apartment with all the little pumpkins they bought because they were starting to run late for morning skate. So they left the clump on the small table in the main room before getting ready and heading towards practice.

As they did so, a little foreign weight dropped in Remy’s stomach. It wasn’t like the fog. It was more like dread. It was starting to become a familiar feeling whenever practice and games approached. Remy absolutely hated it. Plus, morning skate wasn’t even really practice, it was just to get them moving so why the hell did Remy feel this way?

He enjoyed hockey. He did. He really really did.

(Just maybe not lately).

But he ignored the feeling, as well as the concerned look from Emile and headed out the door. They had morning skate to attend.

~

It wasn’t until late evening that they were both home at the same time.

The moment Remy walked through the doors he wrestled Emile away from his studying because come on Em, you can take ten minutes to decorate the apartment. Emile relented, standing to give a soft kiss on Remy’s jaw, and moved towards the pumpkins from earlier. Remy absolutely did not blush whatsoever and followed.

“Remy,” Emile commented once they were finishing up, “Are you- Are you doing alright lately?”

The fog buzzed louder.

Remy let out a weak chuckle.

“I’m always doing alright,” he said.

Emile just gave him a look.

“No really,” Remy insisted, even as a lump formed in his throat, “I’m- I mean. I’m okay. Uh- this morning was hard. Today wasn’t- wasn’t the best. I can tell this year isn’t going to be the best. But yeah, yeah Em I’m okay. I promise.”

Emile’s worry dropped a bit but didn’t fade completely.

“Okay,” he said, “I- You’ve just seemed more stressed lately. Uh- with Logan-” Emile swallowed and Remy squeezed his eyes tight for a second, “With Logan… out. I mean, it’s a lot more on you.”

“I’ve been Starter before,” Remy said gently.

“Yeah. I know.”

Because Remy had been Starter before. But not- not like this. Never like this before. And they both knew it.

“It is more,” Remy admitted, “But it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Emile said, and let it rest.

What Remy didn’t say was that it wasn’t the extra games, extra playtime that was getting to him. 

It was the team’s faces. 

It was how they went into games expecting to lose and Roman and Patton couldn’t agree on a single thing and Remus was getting reckless again and even Deceit was joining him and Virgil just seemed off and the fans hated that Remy was taking Logan’s place because it was Logan’s place and sure Remy was good but he wasn’t Logan good and they all knew it and it wasn’t even a bad thing but it did mean that even playing his best Remy knew he was letting his team down, letting Logan down, letting himself down. 

But it wasn’t the playtime. 

Oh no, it was so much more than just the playtime.

The fog expanded, pushing down and back on Remy’s brain, encoating him in a layer of discontentment  and hopelessness and misery.

Remy sighed. He set the last pumpkin down.

“I think I’m gonna head to bed,” he said.

Emile nodded. He usually checked the clock when Remy announced he was retiring for the night, making sure that it hadn’t gotten too late yet. But he didn’t bother this time. They both knew it was still much too early for either of them to be sleeping.

“Okay,” Emile said, and smiled, but it didn't quite stretch across his face like it usually did, “I have work to do still, but I’ll join you in awhile.”

“Okay,” Remy agreed.

And they both stood there staring at each other.

Then, suddenly, Emile lurched forward and grasped Remy tightly, clutching the taller boy in a tight hug. Startled, but not about to deny the hug, Remy gripped back, just as tight.

He didn’t start to cry, but it was close.

“Love you,” Emile said.

“Love you too,” Remy responded, voice muffled from where his head was buried in Emile’s neck and trying not to cry.

With that, he headed off to bed.

Later, Emile would slip in next to him, acting in a rare occasion as the big spoon. That next morning would be a little bit easier and three mornings after that would be a little bit harder. Remy would continue to get out of bed.

Hockey would continue and Logan wouldn’t return and tensions on the team would get worse. Through all of it, Remy would be caught in the absolute worse position as Logan’s replacement.

But for now, Remy would go to bed early, fog pressing down, harsh and unforgiving, but still much softer than the upcoming storm. Because that’s really all this was, wasn’t it? The calm before the storm.

~~~

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[maddie-the-princess]

If You Love Me, Let Me Go Part 3

Fandom: Sanders Sides

AU: High School 

Pairing(s): LAMP

Summary: Virgil and his family are new to the neighborhood. He starts a new school where he learns to love himself, and maybe, love his new friends. 

Warnings: Mild language, Gay panic, Slight panic attack

Thank you to @kuroyurishion for helping me with this chapter. Please enjoy the story. 

Chapter Three: Logan, Remus, Remy, and Roman

Virgil’s POV

I compared schedules with Dee and found out we had most classes together. The morning was split into three classes, then lunch, and then another three classes. In the morning I had Math, Science, and History. In the afternoon, I had a Study Hall, English, and then Art. I shared most classes with Dee except for Science, History, and Art. Dee was taking Psychology as his science while I took Anatomy. As for History, Dee was taking Public Speaking as his course. And when I had Art, Dee had Study Hall. I quickly packed my things and stood up before I heard the bell ring.

“C’mon shortstack, I’ll walk you to your next class. Mine is in the same direction.” Dee said, walking out of the classroom. The two of us walked down the hall, talking about how the school works, before stopping in front of what looked like a science lab. “Here you go shortstack.” Dee said, waving goodbye as he walked to his class. Taking a deep breath, I walked into the classroom. 

The science teacher looked a lot nicer than the math teacher. He smiled at me and gestured to his desk. “Welcome to science class Mr. Sullivan!” he exclaimed politely. “I’m Mr. Williams and I’ll be your Anatomy teacher this year. I understand that you took both Biology and Chemistry in your old school, correct?” he asked. I nodded to his questions. “Wonderful. I told everybody about you coming here last week, and the class is ready to make you comfortable. Here, take your textbook and syllabus. Your seat is in the back of class.” He smiled apologetically at that last statement. I gave him a brief smile and a nod of thanks before taking my seat and taking out my things. I doodled in my notebook while waiting. 

The rest of the class shuffled in, some of them looking in my direction curiously. I didn’t look up from my doodles until I heard Mr. Williams got out of his seat after taking attendance. I snapped my head up. I like science class better than math because at least there’s an explanation for something. And anatomy is pretty cool too, which is a bonus.

“Alright class, today we will continue our study of the human body by looking at the human body’s cells. Now, who can tell me what the study of cells is called?” No one in the class answered Mr. Williams right away. I racked my brain for the answer. It was definitely something I learned in freshman year at my old school.

‘Cytology.’ I thought to myself, going to raise my hand, but I stopped. Should I actually raise my hand and answer? What if I get the question wrong? Will everyone laugh at me? Oh god, Mr. Williams seems like a pretty nice guy, so if I answer wrong and he’s disappointed in me, he’s gonna see that I’m such a dumbass. My thoughts were spiraling until I hear Mr. Williams call on someone. 

“Cytology is the scientific study of cells. Cytology is mainly used to screen for cancer or other diagnosis.” a cool voice answered. I looked over to see who answered. It was a boy about my age. He had dark brown hair and matching eyes and wore glasses. He wore a black polo and dark washed jeans with a dark blue tie and black shoes. He looked stoic and dedicated to his work. I cursed. 

‘Oh of course I get to sit next to a nerd. He’s a hot nerd, but- ok, Virgil let’s stop these thoughts right now before you have a gay panic.’ I thought to myself, fighting the blush that was appearing on my face. I quickly turned my head so he wouldn’t notice me staring at him. The class continued like that. Mr. Williams would lecture and ask questions, Mr. Owens answers, and I get to stare at my neighbor while also taking notes. I just hoped and prayed to whatever cryptid out there that he didn’t notice me. Those prayers didn’t work.

Why? Because Mr. Williams let us have the last five minutes of class to ourselves with our only homework will be to study the lesson we had today. Quickly, I put my books away and buried my head in my arms, groaning quietly. I needed to breathe, so I turned my head. I saw Mr. Owens reading a book, and with the sunlight streaming through the window, he looked even better than before. I froze. ‘Nope, not happening. I’m not gonna have a gay panic over this one.’ I thought desperately. I didn’t notice I was still staring at my seatmate until he turned and looked at me curiously. He smirked, like he knew I was sneaking glances at him, and winked. 

He winked. At me. 

When the bell rang, I gathered my things and bolted out of the classroom and tried to find my next class. 

***

I had lunch with Dee. I walked into the bustling cafeteria, scanning for my one and only friend. He spotted me first and waved me over, and I walked toward him and his table and sat down next to him. 

“Hey there short stack.” Dee greeted me fondly. “How were your morning classes?” I gave him a groan in response and he laughed at me. How dare he. “Lift your head up, short stack, I want you to meet some people.” I groan again but comply. Dee smirks and it’s now I notice there were two other teens at the table. One of them was wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses, even though we were inside, and sipping a Starbucks coffee. The other had messy brown hair and wore a green shirt and black pants. 

“‘Sup babe.” the teen wearing the leather jacket teased. “The name’s Remy Anderson.” I blushed lightly at his teasing

“And I’m Remus King!” the other teen piped up. He took his fork and started poking Dee with it. “And who’s this little one?”

“My name is Virgil Sullivan. I just moved here.” I introduced myself, then I glared at Remus. “And I’m not little.” This caused Remus to cackle out loud, drawing other people’s attention to us. I lowered my head instinctively.

“Holy shit Double Dee.” Remus breathed. “I like him already!”

“He is kinda cute, isn’t he.” Remy mused, sipping his drink. 

The rest of lunch passed with us bantering and eating. I felt comfortable with these guys. They seemed cool, and we all have some things in common. We exchanged numbers before the lunch bell rang. Maybe this school will be different from the others.

***

Everything went smoothly until after study hall. I thought I could get through the end of the day without any more issues. I was wrong. So very wrong. Study hall was spent by doing homework while listening to music and doodling in my notebook. Mostly, it was me daydreaming about the people I met. After study hall, I gathered my books in my arms and was out of the room and into the hallway. 

I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, so I accidentally bump into someone, knocking my books to the ground. The other person and I both groaned and I kneeled to pick up my things. This was embarrassing. The other quickly joined on the floor, helping me. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Il said shyly. He was a mess today. 

“Ah, no, don’t apologize. I should apologize because I bumped into you.” the other person said quickly. The two worked to gather all of Virgil’s books and stood up. It wasn’t until l put my books in my bag that I realized the other teen was staring at my sketchbook with wide eyes. He kept staring at the sketchbook while I stared at him. The other teen looked very handsome. He looked like Remus, but his attire was more refined and cleaner. He wore a red shirt and blue jeans with matching red converse. He had dark brown eyes and slightly tanned skin. 

‘Oh no. I think I’m gonna panic because of this one.’ I thought helplessly. He looked over with me with a wide smile. 

“These drawings are really good!” he complemented, holding out my book. I squeaked out my thanks before taking my sketchbook and dashing away. My breathing was getting heavy and I could feel the heat on my face. I could feel people looking at me and whispering. I raced towards the bathroom and leaned over the edge of the sink. Thank goodness no one was there to see me panic. I leaned against the wall and slid down, pulling my knees to my chest. I took a deep breath in, trying to calm down, but I couldn’t. I buried my head in between my knees.

I didn’t hear the bathroom door open, so I didn’t notice another person standing there until they called out to me. 

“Are you alright?” I heard a familiar voice asked. It was Mr. Owens from  Anatomy class. “May I touch you?”

I nodded my consent and I felt two hands gently grasp my hands. “You need to breathe for me Virgil.” he said. “Follow my breathing.” And I did. I followed his rhythmic breathing. In for four counts, holding it for seven counts, and then exhaling for eight counts. We did this repeatedly until I was ok, picking my head up from my knees. “Good job Virgil.” he said, helping me up. 

“Thank you.” I said gratefully, my heart hammering in my chest. “You’re the guy in my science class. I never got your name.” . 

“Ah. my apologies. My name is Logan Owens, pleasure to meet you.” he replied. “And I would shake your hand, but…” I followed his gaze to where he held my hand. I gasped and went to remove my hand and apologize, but he held on when I tried to let go. He smirked at me and squeezed them reassuringly. 

“No, no, it’s fine. I just wanna make sure you’re not going to panic again.” he said. He pulled me out of the bathroom, still holding my hand. “You have English class next, yes? You’re new here, so I’ll take you there. 

‘No. no, you stupid hot nerd, you’re going to be the reason I’ll be in a panic again.’ I thought. Thankfully, the hallways were nearly empty when we got out, so no one really was paying us any attention. He led me all the way to English class. Before he left for his own class, he squeezed my hand one last time. “Have fun in there, short stuff.” He left me gaping. 

English class went the same way as Science did. She explained that her English class will be more interactive because she enjoys making students partner up and do projects. She gave me a textbook and syllabus and pointed to my desk right near the window. I sat down and watched the students walk in, including the handsome teen that bumped into me. He dramatically greeted the teacher, who’s name was Mrs. Davis, and everybody else in class. Then he noticed me and his smile somehow became brighter. 

‘Oh god, please don’t let your desk be next to mine.’ I prayed desperately. Again, my prayers were not answered as he plopped down in the desk next to mine. 

“It’s you! The one with the pretty sketchbook!” he exclaimed loudly. 

“Keep your voice down.” I whisper to him. I didn’t want to have any attention on me. “I’m Virgil Sullivan.”

The teen smiled apologetically. “I’m Roman King!” he stage whispered. “It’s a pleasure to finally introduce myself to you.” 

I opened my mouth to say more, but Mrs. Davis quieted the class and began her lesson. She said the class will start their first book of the year, and today would be an introductory day for it. She passed out papers about The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and advised us to look over them tonight. Then she concluded her lesson and let us have ten minutes of free time. Roman turned to me. 

“So, tell me gatito, what do you have after this class?” he asked innocently. Oh of course the handsome boy next to me can speak a different language. Of course. 

“Art.” I managed out, blushing when he smiled. 

“Are you gonna show off your pretty drawings to the teacher? I think he’ll be impressed once he sees them.” 

I pursed my lips as I looked at my closed sketchbook. “You think so? My art really isn’t pretty.”

Roman gasped. “How dare you say that about your art! Your art is absolutely beautiful. Magnificent! Stunning!” he rambled, complimenting my artwork as I stared at him in disbelief. No one has ever complimented my art before. People always said it was weird and not creative. The bell rang when Roman was still talking. “I’ll see you later, gatito, ok? Get to class safely.” he teased. I didn’t need to be told twice. I waved him a goodbye and went to my last class.

As I walked into Art I was greeted by Patton, who was happily smiling. He grabbed my hand and brought me over to a man who I’m guessing was the teacher. “Hello, I’m Mr. Moore. You must be Virgil.” He smiled softly, I nodded and he told me about what we would be doing in art and told me I could sit wherever I would like. Patton, who was still holding my hand, brought me over to one of the desks and we sat down, and after a few minutes the rest of the class had come in and we started on the lesson. Mr. Moore had decided to give us an easy day and let us sketch whatever we wanted to, as long as it had some sort of meaning behind it. Patton and I started talking about random things and I looked over to see small puppies and kittens scattered on Patton’s page as he talked with me. 

“Um, Pat you do know that it’s supposed to have meaning behind it right?” He looked back with an ‘Oh’ sort of expression.

“They do have meaning! Well, sort of… They’re just so cute I couldn’t help myself!” I giggled softly at the bubbly boy’s reaction and went back to my drawing. “So what are you drawing Virge?” Patton peaked over my shoulder trying to see my drawing and I pulled it off to the side in embarrassment. 

“Please? I won’t judge you or anything!” He pouted giving me the cutest pair puppy dog eyes. After a minute or so I moved my arms away so he could see, Dang those puppy dog eyes! “Ooh Is that a raven?! It’s beautiful Kiddo!” I nodded and blushed in response. “Aw, you're such a Lil cutie pie!” 

‘Ahhhhh! Pat, not you too!’ I mentally screamed. I felt my face heat up for what was like the umpteenth time today, This school is definitely different from my last. Maybe it’s because there are a lot of pretty and cool boys here and wow I’m a disaster. Fortunately, before I spiraled further, the bell rang. Patton and I gathered our things and walked out the door. We stopped by our lockers before walking out of school. 

“Bye kiddo! See you tomorrow!” he exclaimed and hugged me before walking off. I stood there, frozen for a couple moments before walking home in a daze. My parents weren’t home, probably because they were at their new jobs, and I was so glad they weren’t because they would have seen my blushing face and questioned me relentlessly. Taking some food with me from the cupboards upstairs to my room, I locked my door behind me and attempted to do whatever homework I had.

When it was late at night, I reflected on my first day in my bed. I made a couple new friends, and I’ve met three people who sent me into a gay panic one after another. Groaning, I turned over in my bed. Hopefully, I won’t panic when I see them tomorrow. 

Anyone wanna be in my taglist? Let me know! 

Taglist: 

@sure-i-exist

[notveryglittery]

@sleepless-in-starbucks: Me: Damn I wish I had an excuse to write creativisleepality :/ Me: Sees your post Me: Forget excuse I have an OBLIGATION to write qpr creativisleepality with insecure!Roman because like. I’m a predictable shit. Also just a heads up my wifi’s been crap all evening so like. If this arrives late. Blame my damn connection for being sunshine-phobic

(Warnings for aphobia, insecurity, all that fun stuff. happy ending tho because y'all know me)

dani: Y’ALL I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO PAUSE WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING AND READ THIS RIGHT NOW. lia is a blessing, an absolute delight and joy and i love her with my whole entire heart!!!! this made me very happy and relieved and yeah it’s just really really good 

Roman was finding the urge to slam his head into the wall a very difficult one to resist. It had been what felt like the longest day of his life, brimming with an overly critical director, some sneering possible cast members who had mocked his make-up, and particular idiot who Roman had thought was going to be the one spot of light in his day until… that happened.

Roman gave up and let his head hit the wall once, leaving it to lay there when the thought of Patton seeing him like this managed to stop him from continuing the process until the wall had a good hole in it. Remy would probably be upset, too, of course, but Patton would most likely cry, and Roman would sooner fall into an ocean of fire than hurt either of his loves.

“I mean… can you even call them loves?”

Roman curled one of his hands into a fist at the fragment of a memory. He could, damnit, screw Anton and his stupid face and his stupid words and his stupid, stupid reasoning…

“…Babe?”

Roman jerked out of his thoughts, realizing that Remy had come up to him, his Starbucks-barista-turned-partner frowning at him in worry.

“Yes, my darling?” Roman asked, pushing himself off the wall, trying to maintain his image.

“Are you alright?” Remy said, a perfectly reasonable question given Roman had been lying against the wall for five minutes, seemingly completely unaware of Remy’s presence next to him for a good minute of that time.

Roman plastered on a smile, hoping it looked even semi-convincing. “Of course! Why ever would you even have to ask?”

Remy reached forward, still frowning as he pushed Roman’s bangs behind his ear. Roman instinctively leaned into the touch, trying to not look pitiful while he did so.

“Honey,” Remy said, softly, and Roman really must be failing at this whole acting thing if Remy’s sounding that worried, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Roman assured. “I’m fine.”

Remy didn’t respond for a moment, continuing to frown at Roman until he wanted to squirm away. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Roman, Remy moved forward, his free arm wrapping around Roman’s waist, the hand he had on Roman’s cheek slipping behind his head and tangling itself in Roman’s hair. Roman froze for a second, the surprise hug startling him, especially from Remy. He was generally pulled into hugs and cuddle piles by excessive grabby hands and whined complainants from Roman and Patton.

Recovering from the surprise, Roman couldn’t be bothered to resist the embrace, wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist as he slumped into Remy, burying his head in the crook of Remy’s neck. He took a deep breath. Remy smelled like coffee beans and warm leather and sage and comfort and home.

Remy scratched the back of Roman’s head comfortingly. “Tired?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Long day?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Long day that did not go fine despite all your lies?”

Roman started to hum in agreement again before he realized his mistake, immediately trying to pull away from what he now recognized as a trap hug. Remy’s grip only tightened, however, still too comforting for Roman to truly want to fight it.

“You’re really out of it if you fell for that, sugar.” Remy cooed before yelling over his shoulder, “Patton! Roman had a sucky day and he tried to lie about it!”

Roman didn’t know if he closed his eyes for a moment and missed him, or if his marshmallow boyfriend had simply forgotten to mention that he had teleportation abilities, but one minute Patton wasn’t there and the next he was pressed against Roman’s back, hugging Roman tightly enough he was surprised Remy still had a hold on him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Baby, we talked about this.” Patton scolded, though his tone was so light Roman was fairly certain he was saying it more because he felt he had to say it than anything.

“I know, I know.” Roman said. “But it’s really nothing, the halves of my heart. Just something stupid someone said-”

“If it’s upsetting you, it’s not nothing.” Patton interrupted him, softly speaking, moving one hand to Roman’s hip so that he could rub circles into the skin. “What did they say?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond, to pass it off as simply as he could, to prove to them it was just some pointless comment he should have disregarded immediately anyways, and heard a sob come out instead, which was doing WONDERS for his image of ‘still wonderfully put together.’ The hand in his hair stilled in surprise, and Patton made a sound of hurt. Their worry only made Roman feel worse, and he couldn’t stop himself before the next words were spilling out, “I’m sorry I don’t love you enough.”

More sounds of pain, this time not just from behind him, but Roman ignored them, pressing his head further into Remy’s shoulder as if that would block out the entire world. He felt more than truly knew they were moving, though he didn’t focus on where or how. At some point his legs got tucked up so that they were resting on something, the warmth around him shifted but never enough so that it was truly gone, somehow ending up so that almost nothing had changed aside from the fact that the amount of effort he had to put into existing was substantially lessened.

That made it a lot easier to cry, hating that he was staining Remy’s shirt but knowing he couldn’t stop even if he tried. The warmth of his boyfriends’ around him didn’t seem to mind, hands gently running across his skin, a mix of soft pet names and quiet shushing sounding around him. Eventually his tears stopped falling, his sobs turning into hiccups that turned into nothing, until all he was doing was holding onto Remy and trying to sink into him and escape the world.

“Sweetie? Sweetheart?” Roman hummed in response to the names that were clearly being directed at him, still refusing to remove his head from the dark, warm safety of his boyfriend’s shoulder.  There was a sigh that sounded caught between amused and concerned. “Please, love, we need to talk.”

Roman groaned and tilted his head, still resting on Remy as he looked over at Patton. They were all cuddled together on the couch, Roman securely held in Remy’s lap and against his chest while Patton remained wrapped around his back, better positioned to look at Roman, his sweet honey eyes laced with worry. Knowing he was the cause of it, Roman almost started crying again, not sure how he could vanquish it but knowing he would do anything to replace it with happiness.

“Hey, shh, it’s alright, you’re not in trouble.” Patton said immediately, cupping Roman’s cheek with one hand, brushing away the beginnings of new tears. “I just- We just want to know- Ro, starlight, why don’t you think you love us enough?”

Roman would have shoved his head back into the crook of Remy’s neck if Patton’s gentle but firm grasp wasn’t stopping him, forcing him to hold eye contact with his partner, half of his entire life, one of two people he’d willingly die for in a heartbeat as he said, as unashamedly as he could, “We’re just partners.” Patton’s brow furrowed even more, and Remy once more tightened his grip around Roman, and it took all his willpower to choke out, “We’re just partners, and not dating, and that’s it, that’s all we are, and you’re both just so wonderful you deserve more, and it’s not fair to you that you’re stuck with me and that, and-”

“Roman, please, please baby, stop!” Patton said, distressed, and Roman shut up. Patton was cupping both his cheeks now, running his thumbs over them repeatedly, as if he wasn’t just trying to comfort Roman but himself as well.

“I’m going to kill 'em. You said someone said this to you?” Remy asked, aggressively, nearly growling when Roman nodded. “Bullshit. It’s bullshit.”

“Language.” Patton said automatically, snapping Remy out of his mood.

Remy sighed, going back to running his fingers through Roman’s hair. “They’re wrong, sweetheart, completely wrong.” He reassured Roman, voice much softer now. “You love us more than enough, whatever they said was just stupid.”

“I- I know you say that, but-” Roman paused, searching for the words. “Kisses, and holding hands in public, and all of that… I can’t- I don’t offer you any of those things, and you deserve them so much, and that’s not fair to either of you.”

Remy chuckled, and the sound echoed through Roman’s chest. “Gurl, I feel like you’re forgetting I’m aro too. I don’t care about any of those things- I just care about you.”

“And we love you.” Patton added. “We love you because you’re an amazing cuddler and you love to sweep us off our feet and you have the most beautiful singing voice in the entire world and because we know you love us so, so much, and the fact that you don’t love us romantically isn’t even close to important.”

“And you love us too, right?” Remy asked.

Roman almost tripped over his words rushing to answer, unwilling to leave a single second empty without his promise, “Of course I do! I just-”

“Than that’s enough.” Remy cut him off, and it was so simple yet so adoring, coupled with the look Patton was giving Roman, like he’d hang the moon for him while Remy pinned up the stars, that every word that jerk had said melted away in an instant, like a million pounds right off his shoulders, leaving him so free and alive that Roman couldn’t help but lunge forwards a bit, twisting himself so that he could wrap his arms around Patton, pulling him backwards so they more or less landed on Remy, all pressed against each other and warm and real and solid beneath his fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and continued on swiftly, before Patton or Remy even had a chance to speak, “I’m so sorry I listened to that bastard. He was an idiot, you’re so right. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much, you mean more to me than any part in any play, than any gem or jewel, my dearhearts, my treasures, my loves.”

Patton giggled, and Roman couldn’t help the smile that suddenly blossomed on his face as Patton pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before just resting his own on Roman’s, whispering happily, “It’s alright, my prince, we know.”

“We know, but I still want to hear it more.” Remy protested, and Roman laughed as he turned his head back towards him, Remy’s dark eyes alive with amusement and glittering with love purer than freshly fallen snow.

“I love you.” Roman obliged him, hugging Patton closer to him even as he still watched Remy, “I love you more than summer sunsets and spring dew and winter frost and autumn colours. I love you more than sugar cookies and hot chocolate and crackling fires and-”

“-and more than the smell of coffee and crisp apples and fuzzy socks and soft pajamas and late night movie marathons and early morning grumbles and a thousand other musings.” Remy took over for him, smiling both smugly and softly as he brushed through Roman’s hair. “I love you all that and a million times more.”

“Cheater.” Roman accused heatlessly. “That’s my move.”

“It’s what you get for loving a dirty thief.”

“Pretty thief.” Patton corrected with his own smile, blindly reaching a hand back that Remy took immediately. “Pretty thief of our hearts.”

“Only after you got mine, cocoa bean.” Remy matched, lazily intertwining his fingers with Patton’s.

Roman reached a hand over as well, grasping around theirs. “You never stole my heart.” He said teasingly. “Considering you are my heart.”

“Your two perfect halves- yes, we are aware.” Remy said exasperatedly, but there was a fondness in his tone Roman knew he couldn’t shake. “You’ve got to come up with some better lines, doll.”

“Says Mr. Twenty-One-Nicknames.” Roman replied.

“You know you love them.”

“Do I know that?” Roman asked, laughing as Remy gasped in faux hurt. Patton laughed, too, shaking their held hands.

“You two are impossible.” He said, cheerily despite the chiding words. “I’m never going to get dinner made at this rate.”

“You’re welcome to go make it now.” Remy invited, though they all knew he wasn’t serious.

That didn’t stop Roman from tangling his legs up in Patton’s, whining, “Noooooooo, you have to stayyyyy.”

“But dinner… if I don’t go make it now I’ll never make it…” Patton trailed off, sounding more interested in staying.

“Then don’t go.” Roman offered, pushing his head up enough to nestle it against Patton’s shoulder, trying to sweeten the pot. “Stay and cuddle me.”

“And why should I prioritize that over dinner?”

“Because I’m still a little sad and I don’t want to let you go.” Roman said, blinking his eyes as sadly as he could for extra effect.

“Plus cuddling tops, like, all things.” Remy pointed out. “And I the remote’s in reach, and I think the Little Mermaid’s still in the player-”

“Cuddling on the couch it is!” Patton decided suddenly, finally releasing his boyfriends’ hands so that he could turn over and burrow into Roman’s chest, loosely hugging Roman as he settled in. Remy laughed as he snagged the remote, flicking on the tv and the corresponding underwater scene.

“And all it took was Disney.” Remy commented in amusement, dropping the remote as he shifted and wrapped his arms around both Roman and Patton. “We are going to get hungry eventually, though.”

“That’s a problem for later.” Patton said, and Roman was quick to agree with him, his arms still holding Patton against him even as he moved his hands to lay over Remy’s. Squished between his boyfriends now, tropical tunes starting up in the background, he couldn’t believe he had given Anton’s words a single moment of his time.

He didn’t need romance to love Patton and Remy- all he needed were eyes and half a brain. 

Roman sighed, feeling more content then he ever had before. “I love you guys.” He said, softly, sweetly, simply.

“Love you too.” They both chorused at once, their care as tangible as their arms around him, and that was all Roman needed to know they loved him just as much as he loved them.

And that would always be enough.

(No editing we die like men- aka sorry if this is bad but like. I tried. Hope it makes you feel even a little bit better :) <3)

[wolferals]

te quiero

Arón Piper imagine

*

(the spanish in this was all google translate so please dont judge me, yet you‘re welcome to correct me)

"Okay chicos y chica, vamos!" Arón yelled and came down the stairs, smiling happily. "Wait where are you going?" I asked confused while sitting on the sofa doing a project for uni for Monday as we needed the weekend for filming. "The club we talked about? Éstas listo?" The others were still upstairs, so I was alone with Arón in our apartment in Madrid where we just moved in after starting season 3 of Élite. Luke (a good friend and also an actor) had even been so nice and had enrolled me at uni in Madrid so I could continue my studies. I thought it was better that way, too.

"Arón I cant. I really need to do this right now." He came up to me, pulled me off the sofa and said: "Listen, y/n, its Friday, we're all in a good mood and we wanna celebrate. Dont be as boring as always." I ripped my arm free and asked in horror: "Youre kidding right? I am boring cause my education is more important to me than partying? No I'm not coming!"

He gave me a slightly pissed off look and said with a sharp tone: "Okay then. Stay here all by yourself, do your shitand be bored and we all go and celebrate." I opened my mouth being super pissed and looked at him.

" I dont know how to do this anymore." he shouted and distanced himself more and more from me.

"What?" I asked confusedly and looked him in the eyes. "Answer me one question. How are you part of this group? You´re in the show with us, thats it. We dont even know you, cause you always have something better to do than hanging out with us. When we're here together you're always in your room, alone! Do you wanna do this? Do you really wanna be part of this? Because I think we'd be better off without you!"

I kept looking at him and was just speechless. He had yelled at me for the first time. And he wanted me out. He had always been a little bit decisive, but I had never seen him so angry before. At that moment, when I was about to fall to the ground to cry, the others stormed down the stairs.

"Hey Que pasa?" Miguel asked and probably saw my pale face. "She's not gonna come with us. She got better to do." Arón yelled. The others also looked shocked to see him so aggressive, so they just stood there and watched him kill me (basically)

"You know what? Pack your things, we dont need you anymore. I'm done with you. We´ve always been better without you. Vete a la mierda!"

The last sentence killed me.

I ran past the other ones and Arón and ran as fast as I could to the roof terrace because they would never find me there anyway. Up there I sat down onto the ground and started to cry. I let everything out because I knew that nobody would hear me anyway.

It felt like that for an hour until I calmed down and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. 4 missed calls from Miguel, 2 from Itzan and 7 from Omar.

Also some texts. "WHERE ARE YOU? PLEASE DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID!" ~ Omar.

"Come here y/n, we talk about everything." ~Miguel. And also by Miguel: "Arón is an asshole. He's gone."

I wiped away my tears and finally pulled my headphones out of my other pocket.

I just listened to music and lay on my back looking at the stars.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up it was the middle of the night and the moon, which was still covered by clouds earlier, shone bright in my face.

I sat down upright, turned off the music and finally got up to go somewhere else, because it got super cold up there, and I was wearing only a crop top and sweatpants.

So I walked down to the lobby, hoping I could just talk to someone who wasn't Arón or Omar or anyone else. When I turned around the corner I saw Arón sitting at the bar, his cocktail in front of him and he seemed to be down as well.

But I immediately turned around and walked out of the hotel, whereupon I was wandering around Madrid being completely alone, freezing and tired.

The city itself was beautiful, brightly lit everywhere and there were still lots of people on the streets, but I just felt incredibly alone and sad.

At some point I sat down on a bench and just thought about everything while I was probably already freezing with blue lips and trembling thoughts.

The later it got, the less people staggered around and the later it got, the more tired I got.

It was around 1:30 and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go in there anymore. And I never wanted to see Arón again. I had sworn to myself that I would never let a guy break my heart! But that had happened! And of course the project wasn't the reason why I wouldn't have gone with them. Arón was the reason. I loved him. More than anything; more than acting. And I got nervous when I was close to him. But of course I was way too shy to tell him....

About half an hour later I was still cold and I wished for nothing more than to be able to cry on someone's shoulder.

When I was about to fall asleep on the park bench, I felt something being put around my shoulders. I opened my eyes slightly and saw Arón standing in front of me.

He had given me his jacket and held a starbucks cup out to me. I took it without hesitation and warmed my hands to it. Thereupon he sat down beside me in silence. Suddenly it just bubbled out of him:" I really dont know what got in my mind. I'm a dick and I know it. I fucked it up. I'm a terrible person. I hurt you so much and I didnt even mean what I've said. I want you here, i want you in our group, we all want you here, and I want you here with me. God I was just mad that you always blocked and I just wanted to spend time with you alone y/n. Thats the reason why I freaked out. This night should have been special! Maybe this sounds weird but tonight I just wanted to do it and finally kiss you, cause you mean so fucking much to me. But when you said no, my whole world was upside down, cause I cant hold it anymore. I need to kiss you or I explode. I only acted like an idiot cause you mean so much to me, puta.“

I looked deep into his eyes and breathed deeply. "And before you say anything, let me take you inside. Tienes frio." He pulled me by my hand, held me by the waist and we walked back to the hotel.

"Arón hold up" I said and stopped. I put the cup behind me on a bench and walked closer to him. "And before you say anything more... I'm okay, now. Now I know whats going on. And I'm happy you said all that stuff. I forgive you. And the reason why I never came with you was, that Im always nervous when I see you or when you talk to me... Lets forget about that... Its better for both of us."

He nodded, came closer and took my hands in his. "I like you. A lot...." he finally whispered and leaned his forehead against mine.

"You´re incredible.“

I smiled up to him and thats the moment i realised what this boy means to me.

"Te quiero."

[quercussp]

Long-horned beetles and dusty archives

Rating: T

Word count: 4.7k

Summary: Dan was climbing up the marble steps of the museum full of dread and resentment. It was Sunday morning, and all his classmates were probably still asleep, or nursing their hangovers from the party before. But Dan couldn’t do that, no. Because Dan skipped too many classes in his General Biology course, he now would have to make it up with extra credit. By working at some sort of museum with some grad student that needed help sorting bugs. Yuck.

Spoiler: the grad student is Phil.

Authors note: A belated birthday present for @insectbah. You are my people and I treasure it immensely.

A gigantic thank you to @redactednp​ and @alittledizzy​ for encouragement and fantastic beta work.

Warnings: there are mentions of insects in this fic. Also very light swearing.

[read on ao3]

Dan was climbing up the marble steps of the museum full of dread and resentment. It was Sunday morning, and all his classmates were probably still asleep, or nursing their hangovers from the party before. But Dan couldn’t do that, no. Because Dan skipped too many classes in his General Biology course, he now would have to make it up with extra credit. By working at some sort of museum with some grad student that needed help sorting bugs. Yuck. The reason Dan took this class in the first place was because people told him that the professor was chill and most people got A’s. They forgot to mention that in order to get an A you actually had to work. It’s not like Dan was interested in any of this shit. Carbon cycling, ATPs, exoskeletons… all that sounded like pure gibberish and had absolutely no use for him in his future career.

Not that he knew what that future career was going to be. Or if there was even going to be one. Or if he was just gonna go back to working at the department store, spending his evenings playing video games by himself and being miserable, eating stale pizza and wasting away his life without any happiness whatsoever. Ok, Dan was a tad dramatic sometimes, he could admit that. But for now he was trying to get through college that his father insisted he go to, barely scraping by with grades to keep up his scholarship and just randomly taking classes in everything, in the hopes that something will rock his world and make him feel like a human and not a blob. So far bio101 was not turning out to be that.

Dan took a pause in front of the tall wooden doors of the side entrance of the museum with a small sign saying “Employees only”. Here goes nothing.

He pulled the door open and walked into the entrance hall. A bored looking security guard looked up from his phone as Dan approached the security desk.

“Can I help you?” the guard asked eyeing Dan suspiciously.

“Yes, I’m here to see…” Dan checked the note on his phone “... Philip Lester? From the entomology department?”

The guard searched around his desk. “I don’t have any notes from anyone, was he supposed to meet you here? Can’t let you in without an employee signing you in.”

Dan felt the familiar shiver of anxiety of not being in the right place stir up in his chest. “I don’t know, sir,” he replied. His professor just said to show up at 8 am. Nothing else.

“Can you call him?” the guard asked.

“I don’t have his number. I guess I’ll just wait here.”

“Ok,” the security guard replied, going back to his phone.

Well this was perfect Dan thought to himself. It was 8:05, he woke up at an ungodly hour to be here, and now he couldn’t even get into the building. Just perfect, everything was perfect.

He sat down on a bench next to the entrance and absentmindedly scrolled through his twitter feed. Why did he even decide to take this stupid class? And why did he have to miss three seminars in one semester? He could have been in his tiny bed under his blanket right now, sleeping.

Dan was almost ready to give up and just go home, when he heard loud steps approaching and a disheveled looking guy ran out of one of the doors and towards the security guard.

If Dan wasn’t irritated from being up so early and being forced to wait for 20 minutes, he would probably have noticed that the guy was very cute. As in very very cute. He was tall, almost as tall as Dan, had a messy quiff of dark hair, glasses and a smile that just made the whole room light up. He was also wearing a sweater with little bees embroidered across it and Dan could see that the socks that were peeking out from under his skinny jeans were mismatched. Ok, maybe Dan noticed all this despite being sleep deprived and grumpy. Maybe it was very hard to miss.

“I’m so so sorry I’m late! You’re Dan, right? I’m Phil. Sorry, Dan, you must have been waiting for so long! I totally lost track of time!”

The guy was out of breath and looking so apologetic that Dan’s annoyance melted away entirely.

“No it’s fine. Yeah, I’m Dan. Nice to meet you” Dan stood up and awkwardly offered his hand to shake Phil’s, only to realize that it was super sweaty and retracting it to wipe on his jeans just as Phil extended his. “Shit, sorry,” he said as he attempted to shake Phil’s hand again. Phil’s hand was nice. It was sweaty and warm, but also very very soft and smooth. His fingers were long and thin and bony and Dan was definitely not intensely looking at his fingers at all, that would be totally weird.

If Phil thought that Dan looking too intently at his hands was weird, or that their handshake lasted significantly longer than was socially accepted, he didn’t show it.

“Thank you for coming Dan, I’ll take you up to my office, we’re going to have so much fun! I’ve wanted to have someone help me out forever!” Phil swiped his ID card at the gate (his ID card was covered in animal stickers and Dan felt his heart skip a beat).

Phil took Dan up the stairs and through long semilit corridors of the museum. Dan never realized what museums looked like beyond the showrooms. For some reason, he just assumed that working in a museum meant like wiping glass off of showcases or something. He didn’t even think of the fact of just how many rooms there were beyond what the visitors got to see.

While they walked through the corridors Phil kept rambling.

“Jeremy, I mean Professor Knight, said that you want to help out with indexing of my latest collection. I mean… I guess I don’t know if you actually want to. But if you don’t like it I can find something else for you to do. I don’t want you to be miserable of course! It’s actually fun! And if you have to leave early, don’t worry! I understand, I mean I won’t tell Jer.. Professor Knight.”

Dan stayed quiet. Phil’s eyes were really nice. They were such a magical blue color…

“This is me!” Phil came to a halt at a door covered in posters from top to bottom. Most of them were different bugs, but there were also a couple of old magazine pages and a drawing of an octopus waving a pride flag. Dan’s heart did another skippity skip and he felt his neck getting really warm.

Phil took out a gigantic keyring full of keys and started going through it. He finally pulled out a small silver key and unlocked the door, gesturing at Dan to come in.

They walked in and Phil turned on the light. The office was tiny and overflowing with things. There were shelves lining all the walls, full of books and papers and random boxes. Some of them were covered by what looked like scientific posters with graphs and weird figures. The whole office smelled like dust and old books and also some other particular smell Dan couldn’t place.

“You can leave your stuff here if you want,” Phil said, gesturing to a desk that was almost entirely covered by papers. “Let me just gather some stuff and we can go to the collection room”. Even though Dan had known Phil for like 5 minutes, he felt that he could tell that this was Phil’s desk immediately. The whole side of the desk was covered in layers and layers of stickers. There was a slightly sad looking cactus standing on the desk with a LED light over it. The cactus was decorated with a paper chain of little beetles. A gigantic unicorn glass was on the corner of the desk, overflowing with pencils and pens, and with a rainbow flag sticking out of it. There was also a giant mug with what looked to be a starbucks logo on it, except it had a bug drawn on it and the periphery said “Entomology Coffee Co.”

Dan threw his bag on the chair on the desk and took a step back, putting his hands in his pockets.

After a little bit of rummaging through the mess on his desk, Phil let out an “aha!” and turned to Dan, holding a pile of notebooks, a laptop and some papers. “Let's go!” Phil said, opening the office door and turning off the light.

They continued walking through the maze of the museum corridors.

“So Dan, you’re a 3rd year, right? What’s your major?” Phil asked.

Dan immediately froze up on the inside. It was a totally normal question to ask, it wasn’t Phil’s fault that Dan was a total fuck up and didn’t know what he was doing.

“I… I actually haven’t declared one yet,” Dan answered quietly, blushing a little bit.

“Oh! That’s fine, I also didn’t know what major to declare! It’s ok, you have time!”

“Do I though?” Dan asked before he could stop himself. “Aren’t I supposed to know what I’m doing with my life?”

“Oh Dan, no one knows what they’re doing with their life!” Phil answered smiling kindly. “Getting a degree in something doesn’t suddenly make you know who you are.”

They made another sharp turn and started climbing some stairs.

“But you know what you want to do, right? You’re in grad school, you like these bugs and everything.” Dan replied.

Phil slowed down for a moment and looked at Dan. “I guess in some ways? But knowing that I like looking at insects doesn’t really help me know what I want to do in life. We’re all as confused as you are. We just fake it better.” Phil gave Dan a cheeky wink and continued walking. “The most important thing is to figure out what makes you happy, and then find a way to do that as much as possible. And there’s no time limit on that. For now, my insects make me happy, so I’m doing that. But who knows what’s ahead? Don’t pressure yourself, Dan.”

Phil was smiling so warmly at Dan, it was a bit shocking. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he felt so warmed by someone’s smile. He mumbled “Thank you,” quietly and looked away. He could feel a tear forming in his eye and the last thing he wanted was for Phil to see it.

There was a whirlpool of feelings in Dan’s chest. A load he didn’t know he was carrying suddenly felt lighter. Everyone around him kept telling him that he needs to make a choice. Do things. Declare a major. Find a job. Decide what team he batted for. Just everything. And here was a person, an older person, telling him that it was ok. Dan did not know how badly he needed to hear that.

They reached a large hall filled with gigantic wooden shelves with drawers.

“Welcome to the entomology collections Dan!” Phil exclaimed, as though he was showing Dan the most precious treasures in the world. Somehow Dan felt like he was warming up to bugs. If Phil was so happy about them, they couldn’t be bad, could they?

Phil placed all his stuff on a large desk next to a window and went to pull out a couple drawers from the shelves.

"Okay, so here's the specimens I collected over the summer. I need your help to put them into the museum database and make tags for them." Phil started explaining the process as he opened up a dirty looking notebook. "So here's my field notes. Sorry about the handwriting, just ask me if you can't read something."

Phil’s handwriting was indeed very bad. Very very bad.

“So for each of these jars…” Phil took out a jar from the drawer, and Dan felt an instant pang of disgust and nausea in his gut. There were bugs in the jars. Urgh. Insects. With their little legs. “... we need to make a card to put in the collection, and then insert all the data from the notes into this spreadsheet. You ok, Dan?”

Dan could feel that his body was tense and there were drops of sweat dripping down his back. “I just don’t really like bugs,” he said quietly, willing his stomach to calm down.

“Oh! Why didn’t you say! Oh no!” Phil looked so concerned that Dan would laugh if he didn’t feel so uncomfortable with all the little dead bugs in the jars. “You should have told your professor, he’s not a monster! I’m so sorry Dan!”

“It’s ok Phil, I’ll get over it. Don’t want to be a bother,” Dan said timidly, looking away.

“It’s not a bother! Dan, you can’t control things like this! How about we do this, you type in the field notes into the spreadsheet, and I’ll label the jars. Yes, and you can sit on this end of the table and I’ll turn away so you don’t see the jars. Is that ok?”

Phil’s concern was so genuine that Dan didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt silly for making someone worry about him, but oddly comforted by the fact that Phil wanted him to be happy and that he cared. He missed that feeling. Someone listening.

“That’s fine Phil, thank you. Sorry I’m such a wimp.”

“You’re not a wimp, Dan.” Phil looked sternly at him. “I’m scared of horses. Does that make me a wimp?”

“Horses? Why are you scared of horses?” Dan replied smiling.

“They look like they have something on their mind. And I always feel like they’re judging me.”

Dan burst out laughing. Phil’s lips stretched into a smile as well. “Seriously, their eyes are just full of mystery.”

“You’re not a wimp, Phil, you’re a weirdo,” Dan laughed. For a moment he felt like he crossed a line, calling someone you just met, someone who is in charge right now, a weirdo was probably not polite. But Phil just chuckled and looked flattered.

“Normal is boring anyway,” Phil replied.

They spent a minute looking at each other, smiling, and Dan could feel a blush creeping onto his neck and cheeks.

“Ok, let’s get to work!” Phil said, and began showing Dan how to fill out the database.

***

Turns out, working for extra credit in the museum collections was not nearly as boring or tedious as Dan thought. Or maybe it was that being with Phil wasn’t boring. They sat at the table going though notes and papers, sometimes chatting, sometimes just sitting in silence. Talking with Phil was nothing like talking to anyone else. He was effortlessly funny, genuine and most of all, incredibly kind. Dan had friends. Or at least he thought of them as friends. But he knew Phil for two hours and he already trusted to tell him things he would never tell his friends.

“My dad really wanted me to become a lawyer. But you need top grades for that and I failed the exam twice. The second time I just didn’t show up. I’m such a loser.”

“You’re not a loser, Dan. It sounds like you really hated those classes. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.”

“But I don’t know what I like. Everyone keeps saying that university is supposed to be this amazing time, but I feel I’m doing it wrong. Everyone else is off having fun, making friends, and I’m just… alone and miserable.” Dan looked up from his screen to look at Phil’s expression. It was as kind as always.

“University can be tough. Everyone is different, you know? And sometimes it takes some time to find your people. Don’t worry about that. I’m sure you’ll find them.”

“I just can’t fail at this too. I’ve already failed at everything else. At least according to my dad.”

Dan felt silent and Phil just listened, showing no judgement or question. He looked at Dan and Dan just wanted to drown in his eyes. They looked safe. Dan had never felt more safe in his life.

Their conversation slowly shifted to music, and Dan discovered that Phil’s music tastes were incredibly similar to his. “No way your favorite band is Muse, so is mine!” Dan was exclaiming, “I went to see them like 3 times!”

“So did I! I remember the concert in 2010 they gave in London, blew my mind!” Phil said.

“No way! At Wimbledon? I was there!” Dan replied. “You’re joking!”

“No, I was there! Wait, I’ll show you a pic!” Phil started scrolling through his phone and finally pulled up a photo of him and another guy with his arms around his shoulder.

“Phil… is that an emo fringe?!” Dan shreaked. “Oh my god, were you an emo? Wait, and your hair was black too? Oh, Phil…”

“Hey, emos are valid” Phil said smiling. “And my fringe looked great, not everyone has effortlessly beautiful curls on their big heads!”

Dan chose to store the memory of Phil saying that his curls were beautiful somewhere deep in his mind so he could later reflect on that in detail. Instead he took out his phone and searched through his photos.

“Phil, I was an emo wannabe as well, haha, and I would have killed for your fringe back in 2010. I spent most of my life straightening my hair every day!” He pulled up a photo of his younger self and inwardly cringed at himself. But if Phil would find it amusing to look at, Dan could take it.

“Oh Danny! You look so precious! Oh my, you’re such a baby!” Phil was looking at the kid in the photo with so much softness. “I wish I would have met you at that concert, we would have definitely hit it off with our emo hair and love for muse!”

“Yeah..” Dan said, trailing off.

They continued working, until Phil’s stomach gave a loud rumble.

“Sorry!” Phil said, blushing. He looked at his phone to check the time. “Oh, it’s lunch time! Want to go eat something? The cafe is closed today, but I have some sandwiches and there’s a vending machine on the second floor.”

Dan, who was getting quite hungry himself, eagerly stood up and followed Phil out of the collection room. They ended up walking through the mammals exhibit to get to the vending machine, and Dan felt a sense of foreboding, walking through a completely empty museum, his steps loudly echoing off of the walls.

They ate their chips and drank some soda while sitting on the steps of the Ancient Egypt room, with Phil telling Dan funny stories about odd encounters he had had. When Phil was describing his visit from the Holy Mother, Dan was almost crying from laughter. “You just attract weirdos, don't you!”

After they had some lunch, Phil took Dan through some of the empty exhibits to show him the coolest stuff. And because Dan didn’t like insects, Phil instead showed him the dinosaurs, which apparently he also knew everything about.

Eventually, they ended up back at their desk, going back to work. Talking to Phil was as easy as breathing, and Dan felt like he knew this guy for years. That’s why he just couldn’t help but wonder.

Dan spent a solid 10 minutes debating if it would be appropriate to ask Phil what he was thinking.

Deciding to go for it, he tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible “You have a pride flag on your desk?”

Phil silently pulled another jar out of the drawer. Dan suddenly felt terrified that he crossed the line, went too personal. But Phil calmly started filling out the next card and replied: “Yeah, I’m gay.”

Dan was stunned. Not by the fact that Phil was gay. He knew gay people, he wasn’t shocked by that. Just by how easily Phil said that. Just like that. I’m gay . As though it’s not a big deal. As though it’s not the biggest deal of all the deals. As though he wasn’t scared of saying it.

Dan’s hands were shaking and he was struggling to breathe properly. He was just looking at Phil, being Phil. With his rainbow flags, and his nerdy sweater and silly stickers.

Phil looked at Dan for a minute, as though about to ask something, but ended up staying silent and just going back to his work.

They were silent for some time, working in quiet. Dan thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. Even though Dan was shaking inside, he felt warm. He felt as though Phil just shared this piece of information with Dan but didn’t want anything in return. He was just giving Dan the opportunity to change the topic, or to talk about anything else if he wanted.

Dan’s curiosity won over his fear. “And like, does everyone know?”

Phil smiled in return. “I mean, it’s hard to miss, right? I’m out, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh”.

After a long pause, Dan suddenly blurted out: “I think I’m gay too.” His entire body went into panic mode. He was trembling all over and felt he couldn’t look at Phil anymore, so he closed his eyes.

He felt a warm smooth hand on his arm.

“Thanks for telling me, Dan,” Phil said. He gave Dan’s arm a gentle squeeze and let go. Dan immediately felt colder without the touch.

And that was it. After about a minute of silence Dan opened his eyes. The world was still here. No one other than him seemed to have felt that giant shift in the universe. Phil was quietly working on his index cards, humming some kind of melody, as though he didn’t just witness Dan’s complete meltdown.

A wave of relief washed through Dan. The panic in his chest was replaced with elation. He just said that out loud. He just came out. To one person maybe, but he did.

“Why do you even like insects?” Dan decided to break the silence.

Phil laughed. “Everyone asks me that. But insects are just so amazing Dan!” Phil’s eyes were sparkling. “You know that there are more species of insects than there are of all other land animals combined? They are truly the most diverse group of organisms in the world. And they can live almost anywhere! Truly, it’s amazing. Anywhere you look there are insects, and they’re all so different and fascinating and we just don’t know so much about them, how would anyone not want to learn more about them? Like, for example, the group that I study are called long-horned beetles, and there’s like 26 thousand different species, but we still don’t know really how they evolved or how they are related. Can you believe that? And we’re still discovering new species all the time…”

Dan felt his focus shift from what Phil was talking about to how he was talking about it. His whole face was lit up, his eyes full of passion, he was gesturing and Dan was entranced. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. Where was this person his entire life? He didn’t even know people like this existed. Was this the feeling of finding “your people” that Phil talked about?

“... Dan are you even listening?” Dan felt himself shaken out of his trance. “Sorry! I tend to ramble about things, I’ll stop talking about beetle phylogenies now!”

Phil was smiling his apologetic and kind smile and Dan wanted to hug him.

“No! Phil it’s fine, you’re not rambling. I just don’t understand most of it. And I hate bugs. But I really like listening to you!”

Phil looked a little red in the face and elbowed Dan in the side playfully. “Well if you hate bugs we can’t be friends, I talk about insects a lot.”

“Oh no, I guess I have to become an entomologist now,” Dan joked. Because he would. He would do anything to be Phil’s friend.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Mr. I’mTerrifiedofMoths,” Phil replied. “We can always talk about Muse instead.”

They both smiled. It was getting and the table they were working at was being lit by the setting sun.

“I guess it’s time to go home” Phil said finally. The cold feeling was settling back into Dan’s chest. They gathered their kit and put away the specimens, making their way back to Phil’s office. After collecting their stuff, Phil led Dan out back to the side entrance and past the security guard. They walked down the steps of the museum in silence.

Say something. Just say something, Dan. Dan’s heart was thumping loudly. He gathered all the courage he had.

“Phil, do you want to go get a coffee?”

Phil turned around and his face was lit up by his warm bright smile. “Sure! There’s a Starbucks right around the corner, I am craving a Caramel Macchiato right now!”

“Pfff Phil, I didn’t know you were into multi million corporations that profit off of you being a basic bitch,” Dan replied.

“Well then I’ll go drink my delicious warm treat and you can stand outside and watch me,” Phil said and stuck his tongue out at Dan.

“I’ll watch your mum,” Dan snorted, bumping their shoulders together teasingly. Just the thought of having to be away from Phil was making him sad. As they kept walking Dan was wondering how he possibly could continue being in Phil’s presence. The mean part of Dan’s brain was telling him that no way this older, funny, beautiful, adorable guy would hang out with a loser like Dan. But the hopeful, eager part of him wanted to believe that Phil felt the connection between them as much as Dan. Or at least that he would, if they had some more time together.

“Can I come help you with your work sometime?” Dan asked hesitantly.

“Nah, that’s fine. I know insects aren’t your thing,” Dan felt his spirits sink. “Why don’t you instead come play Mario Kart with me at my place? We can hang out and there will be no bugs in sight, not counting my pet cockroaches, but you’ll learn to love them, they’re very cute.”

Dan felt happiness swell in him again. “Be careful what you wish for, Lester, I’m the Mario Kart king! Be prepared to have your ass handed to you!”

“Feeling cocky, Howell?” Phil replied with a raised eyebrow. Then he took out his phone and handed it to Dan. “Punch your number in. I’ll send you my number and my address. Come over any time after class, I’m usually home by 5.”

Dan quickly typed in the digits of his phone number. “Aren’t you scared I’ll come over and never leave? You barely know me,” he said jokingly, giving the phone back.

“Why would I be scared of that?” Answered Phil. “It would give us more time to hang out. So it sounds like a win to me.” He smiled a bit shyly, and looked down at his phone.

Dan’s phone pinged.

this is phil the insect guy ^.^ let’s be friends <3

Dan heart felt too big for his chest.

ok bug boy :P but keep your cockroaches away from me

Dan quickly texted back and put his phone away.

“I’ll make you come around to insects, Dan, don’t you worry. I’ll wear you down. You’ll learn to love them.” Phil was smiling at him.

“Never!” Dan declared dramatically. “I will never get what you like about them!”

“You know, you have much more in common with them then you think,” Phil said.

Dan gasped with mock offense. “Are you saying I’m a cockroach?!”

Phil chuckled. “Nah, you wish.” He continued with a quieter voice. “But you also have a hard exoskeleton on the outside, but are soft and endlessly fascinating on the inside. And I could also study you forever.” Their eyes met for a moment and they both blushed and looked down.

They continued to walk side to side, their arms softly brushing against each other. Walking through the city Dan felt as though he was seeing it for the first time. It was quite beautiful. The street lights were on and and lights twinkled in the trees in the trees. The air smelled of spring and happiness.

[knovesstorytelling]

Murray Mysteries S1E2 Transcript

Episode 2. The Bachelorette 

Written By May Toudic

Mina: Welcome to Murray Mysteries.

[Theme music plays.]

Mina: Hello, from Lucy’s shockingly normal hometown! We got here a few days ago and I’ve been going on walks every day to see the sights. This place is like, quaint bingo. There’s old stone buildings, a harbour with little fishing boats, some cliffs with the sea on one side and a beautiful green valley on the other. I can’t decide if I should go staring longingly into the waves like a Gothic heroine or trailing through the fields like Maria in The Sound of Music. Actually, if uh people could leave suggestions on really cliche things to do around here, I’ll try them all and report on their real-life viability. Rate them on a scale from “Impossible” to “Felt like an actual character and will do it every day for the rest of my super-nerdy life.” 

Mina: So far, I’ve mostly been sitting outside with a book and chatting with the locals. They’ve a lot to tell about the history of the place and local legends. But, I promised you more interesting tales than that of my tourist adventures. In fact, there is a pretty juicy reason why I’ve been out on my own so much.

Mina (calling): Lucy!

[The door opens.]

Lucy (drawling): Uhh, yes dear?

Mina: Uh, tell the viewers why you’ve been cruelly abandoning me lately?

[The door closes.]

Lucy: Are you really going to publicly shame me because I don’t feel like going on one of your creepy church tours?

[As Mina speaks, there are footsteps and rustling.]

Mina: That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.

[A pause.]

Lucy: Fine. I’ve been busy. 

Mina: And might I ask, what, or rather who is keeping you so busy?

Lucy: I— I think it’s whom in this context.

[Mina giggles.]

Mina: Lucy.

Lucy: There’s been a few people.

Mina: So, the Bachelorette here has been keeping three suitors on the backburner while she’s away. Who of course all know each other, otherwise it’s no fun. How do you even find that many people to date?

Lucy: I don’t know, it’s a small town! It just happens! They were all great and I thought that some of them would just fizzle out and I wouldn’t have to deal with it.

Mina: Mhmm. And what happened instead?

Lucy (mumbling): They all waited until I got back.

Mina: Louder please, for everyone in the back.

Lucy: They all waited until I got back to have “The Talk.”

Mina: Uh-huh, yeah. And say, what does one do when three different people ask them to go steady?

Lucy: I’m pretty sure no one’s used the words “Go steady”—

[Mina chortles.]

Lucy: —since the fifties.

Mina: Don’t try to distract me, I am immune to distraction.

Lucy: Uh-huh. Alright. I handled it like an adult.

Mina: And how is that exactly?

Lucy: Well Jane Seward was the first to ask—

Mina: Hold on, hold on. You’ve got to picture the scene.

[Lucy groans.]

Mina: Right, picture this. 

Mina (pretending to be a reality show narrator): Bachelorette Lucy stands outside the mansion In a glamorous ball gown. The ground is covered in candles and flower petals. In her hand, a single rose.

Lucy: We were in a Starbucks. But I appreciate the dramatization, it’s very me.

{Mina hums in agreement during the end of the line.]

Mina: Why thank you.

[Lucy laughs.]

Mina: Now, get in character.

Lucy: Oh.

Mina (back to narrating): Enter Doctor Jane Seward, clinic psychiatrist, first and youngest female director of the local mental health institution. Smart, well-off, very good forehead.

[Lucy laughs.]

Mina: Great candidate. A little awkward, but in a charming way only truly intelligent people can pull off. She and Lucy met at a posh town function her mum was organizing. They spent the whole time having an extremely stimulating conversation, Lucy refuses to give me details of.

[Lucy giggles.]

Mina: And have been in contact ever since. Dr. Seward advances with a brain full of smart stuff and a heart full of hope. Off to you, Bachelorette.

[Lucy snorts but quickly composes herself.]

Lucy: Jane was so sweet. She said that I was good for her, that I made her a better, more balanced person, she really cared about me and damn it, I almost said yes. I mean, gave her the rose.

Mina: But you didn’t.

Lucy: To be completely honest, I already knew who I wanted to be with. So, I told her that and she said she hoped I would be happy, which is really unfair because I’m clearly the dick in this scenario.

Mina: What a woman.

Lucy: That point, I thought “Okay.”

[Mina giggles.]

Lucy: Wasn’t great, but at least I know what I want and I can go and get it. But that’s when Quincey showed up.

Mina: Quincey Morris enters the shot. Young, hot, adventurous, charming. American. You could fold laundry on those abs, and that accent—

[Both groan.]

Mina: Quincey is on a gap year, travelling the world with nothing but a backpack and a six pack.

[Lucy hums.]

Mina: And happened to stumble upon Lucy’s hometown. And her Tinder profile.

Lucy (whispering): Yeah.

Mina: Understandably, she couldn’t resist. They went on a few dates the last time she was in town and, of course, kept in touch through mostly half-naked pictures.

Lucy: I’m gonna miss those abs.

Mina: Poor, hot Quincey.

Lucy: Don’t make it worse, I already feel horrible! He came to me saying he knew he wasn’t—

Mina: Wait, wait, no, no no you have to do the voice.

Lucy: I’m not doing the voice.

Mina: Fine! I’ll do it.

[Mina clears her throat.]

Mina (in an awful Southern USA impression): Lucy, my dear.

[Lucy laughs.]

Mina (continuing the impression): I know I ain’t good enough to shine your shoes. But then again, no one is. What’d you say we go on the road and we don’t turn back for nothing?

Lucy (still laughing): That is terrible! That’s not how he talks at all!

Mina: You wouldn’t do the voice! So I had to improvise.

[Lucy groans.]

Lucy: So, after he asked me like a normal person. I told him it sounded wonderful, but I couldn’t just leave my whole life behind to travel the world. And then he said, we didn’t have to travel the world. He’d just settle down if it meant he got to be with me.

Mina: Wow.

Lucy: Yeah, it was kind of intense. And kind of lovely. Oh, I wish I could just keep dating them all. Stupid monogamous tendencies. I told him the truth, in the end. He looked so sad. But he said I shouldn’t worry about him and he would be fine and he was glad he met me anyway.

Mina: Seriously, where do you find these people?

Lucy: Yeah, I lucked out.

Mina: So, are you going to tell our eager listeners about suitor number three?

[Lucy chuckles.]

Lucy: They have a name you know.

Mina: Art Homewood. One of the sweetest, kindest, most loyal people on the planet. Art and Lucy met when they were ten.

Lucy: Mhmm.

Mina: Ten!

Lucy: Mmm.

Mina: Art was the new kid in town, just in from the US. And Lucy snapped them up on their first day of school before anyone else could claim them. They were really good friends throughout their childhood and teenage years, and of course, Art was pining away for her the entire time. After they both went their separate ways for university, Lucy realized she had feelings for them of the “more than friends” variety.

[Lucy chuckles.]

Mina: And was planning on telling them when they both got home for the holiday, but…

Lucy: They brought back their new girlfriend.

Mina: And thus left Lucy with nothing but regrets and a broken heart she tried to mend by dating other people.

Lucy: Eugh.

Mina: Until Art broke up with their girlfriend and the two of them finally reconnected. Now Bachelorette Lucy can finally be with the love of her life.

Lucy: And I’m supposed to be the drama queen.

Mina: Oh, come on! Your life is like a romcom, dating all these amazing people, only to end up with the one who’s been in front of your eyes all along.

Lucy: I guess it’s kind of romantic.

Mina: So there you go. After all this time, Art got the rose and the two of them blissfully rode away into the sunset, like pretty models in a stock picture. The end. And that, listeners, is why my friends are more interesting than me.

[Lucy snorts.]

Mina: See you next time, with something a little different. Mysterious, right?

Lucy: Yeah.

Mina: That was mysterious?

Lucy: Yeah that was mysterious, sure.

[Both laugh as the theme music fades in.]

Credits: Murray Mysteries is a Knoves Storytelling production. This episode was written and produced by May Toudic and features Drew Victorie as Mina Murray and Megan John as Lucy Westerna. Original music by Sophie K. Thank you for listening.