#but still. i think. i should try and ramble on a little. maybe! i dont actually know to be honest.

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[elegyofthemoon]

i wonder if anyone's discussed the buddha statues and their representations of the days of the week and their general meaning yet or am i going to have to do that

[donsofwaste]

Maaann, I have some art that I wanna post here, but I haven't finished one of them yet as it's still a wip :( aaauuughh. Hashtag so unfortunate

[princessbrunette]

Baby daddy rafe being hit on everyone at the country club and reader not being able to do anything cuz they’re not together<//33

🧸✧˖°❅🍥

you don’t even know why you come to this stupid place anymore.

you supposed it was to keep up appearances. you didn’t wanna be that girl that turned twenty, got pregnant and then disappeared off the radar. why should you have to live in shame of being a young parent if rafe cameron didn’t? you refused, hence why you were taking a quiet afternoon off, sitting with a glass of wine at the country club enjoying the sunshine before you’d have to return to motherhood.

you didn’t expect him to be there at the same time you were. you try it to be cool about it, because you knew you were not with him — but seeing him surrounded by a group of girls batting their lashes and twirling their hair up at him made you feel… icky. you were protective, you supposed. sure, you weren’t together but that was the father of your child. the wine gave you that little confidence boost, so you decide to go and intervene, make something up.

flattening out your sundress you totter over, briefly losing that confidence for a moment as you stand to the side, waiting for your turn to be noticed like the rest of them. when he does, he cuts the flirtatious laughter short to politely shoo them away, wandering over to you.

“hi.” you state bashfully, embarrassed that you have to take up any of his time as if he didn’t put a whole baby in your stomach.

“hey, uh… how’s my girl?” he asks, and for a brief hopeful moment you think he’s talking about you. your chest warms anyway.

“she’s good. sarah is babysitting right now.” you explain softly, finding it hard to hold the eye contact. your eyes drift over to the girls he was speaking to instead, noticing their jealous glares. rafe hums, bringing his beer bottle to his lips and taking a sip.

“‘long as she’s not letting my baby around those pogues.” he comments, displeased and your heart sinks a little. you hate when he’s disappointed. maybe your hormones were still all out of whack. “was there… something you needed from me?”

you blink up at him dumbly, conjuring up an excuse. “w— uh… i was wondering… when you wanted to see her?” you fiddle with your hands, body heating up at how ill prepared you were for this conversation. he blinks, shifting on his feet.

“do i not…come and see her every weekend? i dont…” he frowns, genuinely confused. your eyes widen as you nod.

“yeah, no — of course i was just… wondering if you wanted to see her during the week too or anything? if you maybe wanted to…come over just for a little while?” you shrug, trying to make it as casual as possible. he stares at you for a moment like he’s trying to read you before looking around.

“you— you know i’m a very busy man now and —” he starts but you cut him off, already too hurt to let him continue.

“yeah! no it’s okay i totally get it rafe. i don’t wanna impede, you’re already doing a lot and i don’t wanna ask too m—” you go to ramble politely, humiliated at the speed in which the fat tears spring to your eyes.

“hey— let me finish, alright?” he places two hands on your shoulders and you immediately shut up, blinking up at him tearfully. “what i was going to say, okay — is — is that i’m a busy man now, but… you say the word and… i’ll drop everything, yeah? whats the problem have — have you been struggling with… with the baby or, what?” he looks concerned. maybe it was fatherhood that was changing him but you could tell he genuinely gave a shit. no he wasn’t fully rid of his boyish troublesome ways but there had definitely been a shift and that was enough to relieve you. he watches the stress physically melt from your body, brow relaxing as you sigh.

“not a…problem, rafe really it’s okay i just… it can be a little lonely… and i suppose i just want her to see her parents interacting, show her that we’re okay with eachother you know? give her some healthy ideals.” you explain, but really he stopped listening after the word lonely.

“i—i didn’t know you were lonely like that, you know i… i wouldn’t let that happen… okay? i’ll come over. we’ll hang out… yeah?” one hand that was resting on your shoulder comes up to cup your cheek in emphasis and you so badly want to nuzzle into it, let him take the weight of your head. instead you just stare up with doe eyes.

“yeah.” it comes out as a whisper and he licks his lips, nodding in approval.

“alright then.”

you glance over to the glaring girls and your gaze darts downwards. “uh, i think i’m upsetting your girlfriends.” you chuckle awkwardly, going to step back. he glances over his shoulder, letting go over you before shrugging a shoulder carelessly.

“more like… god damn fan girls. those bit— uh, women won’t leave me alone.” he corrects himself, making a clear effort. “gonna go and find topper now, okay? you gonna be fine?” he takes a step back and you want him to stay but you nod anyway.

“see you, rafe.”

you have a warm feeling in your stomach when you leave the country club. you weren’t together, and only a few weeks ago you were telling people how glad you were that this was the case. but now things were different. his favouritism should have been clear due to the fact he’d knocked you up, and maybe it was pity, if that was something rafe was even capable of — but you didn’t care. rafe liked you the most.

🧸✧˖°❅🍥

[bucketlmao]

@applestruda's dtiys!!

ramble

i think tumblr has desaturated it??? and it wouldnt let me post the timelapse video??? little bit offended

ill try and post the timelapse later or maybe just on instagram or something

i,,, dont like how i drew this, i really dont like the art style :( their faces are weird and you can see me go insane over grian twice in the timelapse and im still not happy with how he looks - i should have kept the side profile?? idk why i didnt like it i was going mad lmfao

i dont hate it, i think its good, but i can do better. new years resolution or something

[bonny-kookoo]

Cherry Candy!!!

I love this tripe so much!

If you are doing lil drabbles for that one, (absolutely no pressure if you don’t want to), but could we get one were mc is asking JK for his opinion on what tattoo she should get next, and he’s like “well maybe I should see what you have first” 😉😉

Thank you!

"No its not crooked, look!" He huffs, leaning closer so you can check for yourself- and yesh, it just looks a little odd with the stud instead of the ring.

"Guess you're right.." you shrug, taking a sip of your Boba. "I wanna.. get a tattoo, by the way." You say, and at that he visibly perks up, sitting up straight.

Music to my ears." He grins. "What's it going to be?" He asks, watching you swing your legs across from him.

"Dont know yet." You mumble. "What do you think would suit me?" You wonder hopefully, and he leans back into the chair, arms crossed in an almost cocky manner.

"I mean, you said you're already inked, right?" He wonders, and you nod. "See? Gotta see those first." He smirks, though he's caught off guard by your next words.

"But not in public." You say, and he laughs after he spots you realizing how that sounded. "I-i mean, because, I'd have to undress-" you ramble further, digging yourself in deeper, and he closes his eyes as he fakes being in pain- leaning closer to you over the table.

"Dont make me pop a boner in public." He warns, and you shake your head in defense.

"I wasn't trying to.." you whine. "Maybe I can show you at your place? If you have time?" You ask, and Jungkook laughs, shaking his head to himself.

Sometimes you don't even realize how out of context the things you say could be taken. It makes him aittle protective, considering how that could be taken advantage of-

But you're both on the road to becoming a couple anyways. Or maybe you are one already? He's confused- but that's alright.

"I always got time for you." He chuckles, standing up with you from the cheap table before he helps you with your coat. "But, if it's somewhere private you know you don't have to show me, right? Don't want to make you uncomfortable." He reminds you, and you nod.

"I know." You simply say, as you both walk outside the store- your hand holding his now, as you smile.

"...so where's that tattoo anyways?" He asks, and you shrug, both of you walking the same way you've taken the first time you visited him.

"Under my boobs." You say, his head whipping towards you as he opens the door for you to enter first, eagerly walking close to you right after, elevator doors opening at the touch of a button.

"Wait- so you're gonna show me your tits?" He bluntly wonders, eyes round with surprise.

"I mean-" your cheeks are red like cherries, but you still manage to flirt back. "-if you ask nicely?" You wonder, Jungkook's gaze scanning you the entire elevator ride up to his floor.

Before he laughs, and leans in to kiss you, continuously stealing your breath before he manages to put in his code at the door to open it, laughter soon following inside the now closed apartment when he almost trips and falls.

"Can I pretty please see your tits?" He jokes against your lips, kissing you with your back against his front door.

"...just them?" You as a little more shy now, and he shakes his head, hands on your hips.

"Baby if you let me, I'd love to see all of you."

[contraryclock]

stupid ass Don Quixote ramblings

hi this is my first tumblr post but i really wanted a good place to put this

spoilers for all of current limbus company, including Murder on the warp Express, the Don Quixote book (( kinda )), and a musical (( i'll get there ))

please humor this deranged rant about a character i havent read the source book of

so basically ive had a theory since Don was even teased that she's less so based on book Don Quixote and moreso based on the Man of La Mancha musical which is. an insane thing to suggest but hear me out here (( ive since changed how i word my stance to the much more mild "it will most likely delve into the themes of both works and reference both" because suggesting they would discount the book entirely is TRUE insanity ))

her quote (( from teaser tweets that i cannot find anymore? they seem like they were deleted which sucks )) was "To reach the unreachable star!" or something which is notably not a quote from the original book ((as far as im aware at least?)), and suggests. a lot i think!

One of the most notable differences between Man of La Mancha and the original Don Quixote is their tone and attitude towards Quixote. In the original text, he's shown to be a fool who is ignorant to the vastly more interesting world around him, and prefers to instead sink deeper into his delusions of reality equating to chivalric literature. This makes sense as Don Quixote was written as a parody and mockery of the genre

La Mancha is, notably, much more forgiving on Quixote's character, showing that while still a fool, and his insanity often detrimental to those around him, he is still a good person at heart and that he truly wishes to pursue this justice he posits

I usually say it as "Don Quixote is about how reality is beautiful, and La Mancha is about how sometimes one should strive to make reality a little more fantastical" although i dont know if that. is the most accurate comparison. both Don Quixote and La Mancha have a lot of themes and stuff going on

one of the things that made me scream was learning about "Miguel" being written on don's LCB combat spritesheet instead of her listed name

which if you've seen or read a summary of la mancha is a huge alarm bell

In La Mancha, the whole thing is shown as a Play within a Play

Miguel de Cerventes is sent to prison, awaiting trial by the inquisition, and is tasked with defending himself in a mock trial with the other prisoners so they dont take his belongings. His defense is Don Quixote, Man of La Mancha! With the prisoners acting out the various roles he assigns them, and him acting as the leading man, Don Quixote himself!

that was most of the things that made me think "Oh, maybe it'll be La Mancha!" and then this happened

and i sort of lost my god damned mind

because like what if this is miguel... what if shes simultaneously playing out her life as don quixote as a her delusion, and as her dream, but also as a statement...

idk but this isnt JUST about Man of La Mancha bc i think this has a few implications for how don's canto is going to go

In both don quixote and la mancha, they send someone to cure quixote of his delusions

The final thing they try is setting up an act where a "Knight of Mirrors" duels with Quixote, which ends up working.

The Knight forces Quixote to see how he is perceived by others, to see the truth that he is no knight.

ignoring the stuff with vampires and mirrors for a second, i feel like this could be more mirror world shenanigans, where either the knight IS a mirror world don quixote, or is someone who will show her mirror worlds. Whatever that will imply!!! i dont know its exciting!!!!!

Her being absurdly old and powerful, plus bloodfiends having a whole familial adjacent hierarchy makes me think theres a LOT of bloodfiends out there that would want her back

I dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im insane!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! i just wanted to get my thoughts out before her canto actually happened so i can say that i did indeed have an opinion on this

-limbus assets taken form Lunartique's asset google drive go look at it -text written by me and not proofread

ok thanks bye dont follow me byeee byeeeeee

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Saw this meme and iiiiii did a thing... a steddie thing... obviously

( Eddie has a small dick in this if you don't like it don't read it. We support small dick supremacy in this house thank you for your time. 😊 )

😅😅😅

I'm picturing them at a bar. I wanna say maybe Steve is the bar tender, and he's been seeing Eddie around. He comes in. Talks a little, he's kinda quiet. Like he's stuck in his head, like he comes there to think. He's always scribbling things on napkins. Steve thinks they might be song lyrics, the way Eddie hums and taps his fingers as he writes.

But Steve obviously sees him looking at him sometimes. It's a gay bar, it happens, but Eddie doesn't leer at him, or chat him up in that way. It's always just friendly conversation.

Steve kind of loves it. Loves being able to just chat and not worry about getting stalked out to his car by a creep. And then one day some drunk dude is hitting on Eddie HARD. Leaning into him and grabbing at his arm and just when Steve is about to say something the guy actually says the words,

"how big is that dick?" Like... in real life. Out loud. And grabs for Eddie's thigh, and Steve watches Eddie catch his wrist, easy, watches him shove the guys hand back at him, saying,

"small. Leave me alone." Without even looking at him. And Steve fucking barks a laugh because that was... fucking hilarious. But also... kinda hot. Like, he's known he likes Eddie for awhile but seeing someone come on to him had sealed the deal, jealousy crawling over his skin, but then seeing Eddie shut it down, in the funniest fucking way Steve had ever seen, had just slammed it into place.

The guy scowls, says something rude, and stalks off. But Eddie is looking at Steve cuz he's still chuckling. Doing that cough thing like he's trying to cover it up but the laugh is still extremely prominent through the coughing. And Eddie watches him with raised eyebrows cuz like... damn okay. Cute bar tender thinks he's funny. And Steve is like,

"Sorry man. That was just, fuckin hilarious. Not the guy grabbing you, obviously, just, how you delt with it. Like that was... the best thing I've seen in awhile. Just... just sayin." He shakes his head to stop himself rambling more, he needs more friends to hangout with besides Robin, she's rubbing off on him. So he just reaches into the cooler and grabs Eddie his usual beer, slides it over the bartop to him, tells him it's on the house.

"Thanks." Is all Eddie says, but he looks happy, small smile still on his face.

And when the bar's closing, and Eddie is still there, just idly talking to Steve all night. Steve takes a chance. Says some cheesey line about letting Eddie walk him home. And Eddie flushes red to his ears but nods, takes the last sip of his beer and helps Steve flip the chairs onto the tables so he can do a quick sweep. Steve's locking the door when he hears Eddie clear his throat awkwardly, like he wants to say something. Steve looks at him, waits.

"I uh... look I know you thought I was being funny... earlier." Eddie scratches his head, nods into the bar. Steve nods, lets him continue.

"But I uh- I was also being serious?" He grimaces, eyes on the ground.

"So if that's like... a deal breaker? That's- that's totally okay. I just uh... I dont know. Thought I should maybe warn you before- before anything...happens?" His eyes widen and he takes a step back.

"Not that anything was gonna happen! Like I wasn't expecting... THAT. I just... oh my god I don't know. People can be assholes about small dicks so I just wanted to be up-front about it in case you thought I was kidding when I told that guy that. Cuz I was being serious and I'm gonna stop talking. Jesus christ." He breathes the last part, shaking his head at himself, his face twisted in what looks like pain. Steve thinks he's fucking adorable.

He steps closer, puts his hands on Eddie's hips and pushes him gently against the brickwall of the bar. Rests his head against Eddie's as he laughs a little, Steve's fingers pressing into his hips tickling a bit.

"I don't care. Honestly I uh..." he pauses, pulls back to look at Eddie, his eyes are wide, his cheeks are a deep pink now.

"I was kinda hopin you weren't kidding." Steve tilts his head, smirks at Eddie, just a little. A light smirk. Not the full thing, doesn't wanna overwhelme him. Yet. Eddie sucks in air, blinks at him.

"Oh. Yeah?" He asks, his voice breathy, pitched higher than usual. Steve nods, sinks his teeth into his lip, and brushes his nose against Eddie's.

"Yeah. Still wanna walk me home?" Steve asks, staying close. Eddie nods, his hands moving to Steve's shoulders.

"Yeah. Yes absolutely. I'd love that. I'd love too." He rambles, swallowing hard.

And Steve can't help himself anymore, ducks forward and presses a soft kiss to his lips. Eddie makes a little sound in his throat and Steve fucking adores it. Already in so deep for this guy. But it's been months. Eddie's not a new thing in his life. Just, this part of it is new.

Eddie blinks at him when he pulls back, steps away from Eddie but holds out his hand. Eddie smiles, reaches out and takes it, lets Steve drag him away from the wall and down the sidewalk. Their fingers laced together, hands swaying between them as they walk through the dark.

[luvyeni]

hi hi hi, could i request an innie smut? you know how innie isn’t very touchy? so maybe he one day is talking about it with the guys & his girl and he brings up how his gf isn’t touchy either, but she shyly mentions that she is, and her love language is physical touch, the other guys confirm it and he gets kind of upset bc she’s never been like that with him, so he shows her she doesn’t have to hold back and he wants the attention from her and for her not to give it to anyone else

sorry it’s so long, & i rambled a bit, but my innie brainrot is going crazy lately

DON'T MIND; YANG JEONGIN

pairings. boyfriend!jeongin x fem!reader

wc. 1.4k

warnings. vanilla sex , unprotected sex, oral (f. recieving), clit play

i hope you like it <3

jeongin wants all your attention

—

jeongin sighed for the third time as changbin pulled him into a bone crushing hug. "hyung." he squirmed , trying to break himself free from his elder. "hyung get off of me." he groaned , he wasn't really into physical touch , but his members never really seemed to care , constantly hugging him , or pinching his cheek. "hyung get off." he finally gave the man one last push , grunting as changbin finally let him go.

"yah! im just trying to give you love." the buff man yelled pouting like a small child. "i hate it." he groaned , you shook your head , you knew your boyfriend wasn't a fan of skinship , that's why you never really did it , the occasional kiss on the cheek to catch him off guard or jeongin tapping on your knee while he drove. you actually really loved physical touch , it was your love language , but you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"y/n i don't know how you do it." han said. "how do you live through the day , knowing your boyfriend hates skinship." han said. "must be lonely." chan slapped the boy's arm. "what are you talking about , she hates skinship , she probably hates it more than i do." that definitely wasn't true, you often craved to be touched by your boyfriend , not even all the time , just a cuddle here and there. "you're joking." seungmin said. "seungmin drop it." you said , but he didn't hear you (or maybe he was ignoring you) .

"you girlfriend is probably more touchy than felix." jeongin turned to you , you looked away , hoping he didn't question it. "you don't like skinship , do you." you bit your lip , shyly nodding your head. "actually i really love physical touch , it's my love language." he was shocked , you've never initiated it , you hardly ever touched him. "why haven't you said anything?" you shrugged.

"you mean to tell me you've never seen felix and her hugging , you would've thought they were dating." felix's ears turned red. "d-dont say it like that , i would never do that to him." he spoke up. "yeah , we're just friends , innie i know you don't like it , i don't want to make you uncomfortable." you said. "please don't be upset." you put your hand on his knee. he nodded , but it still stayed on his mind.

he watched you for the rest of the time , and it was surprised. you actually were pretty touchy , hugging felix for a little too long , squeezing changbins biceps , leaning your head on chans shoulders , he was actually getting pretty annoyed with how close you were. "hey baby , don't you think we should head out." he called out. "oh , yeah sure , i have work in the morning anyway." you got up , he handed you your jacket , grabbing your hand , interlocking hands , something you guys never did. "we'll be going." he spoke up. "bye everyone!" you waved , before you two exited the dorm.

the ride home was silent , but you could tell something was on his mind , was he really upset about the physical touch thing? "innie?" you called , he hummed , his eyes still facing the road as he turned into your apartment complex. "are you upset with me." he didn't say anything , but it gave you a conformation.

you guys got out of the car , taking the elevator up to your apartment. he silence was starting to worry you , you didn't want it to turn into something big. you both stepped into the apartment , making your way to the room. you began to take off your clothes , getting ready for the evening. "i'm not upset with you." he finally spoke up. "you aren't." he shook his head , coming up behind you. "no , just a bit upset that you felt like you couldn't tell me that you like physical touch." he wrapped his arms around your half bare body. "i didn't want you to be uncomfortable." you sighed as he kiss your neck.

"baby i don't care if it's you." he whispered. "i want you." he turned you around pulling you into a kiss , grabbing your thighs , signaling you to jump. he carried you to the bed , dropping you down , climbing on top of you. "don't give others attention." he kissed down your stomach , you whined as he got to your pantie line. "innie please do something."

he removed your panties , kissing your clit. "don't hold back , give me everything you got." he brought his mouth to your clit , sucking on it. "fu-fuck." your hands flew up to his hands , he hardly ever went down on you , but when he did , he knew what he was doing. "you feel so good." you moaned , your fingers tied up in his hair , tugging at it. "fuck , fuck innie , im gonna cum." just as you felt your orgasm approaching , he pulled away, with a tap of your clit.

"why." you whined , he just smiled , coming up to kiss your lips again. "because i want you to look at me when you cum on my cock." pulled his cock out from his underwear , rubbing up and down your slit. "fuck princsss , you pretty pussy is all messy." he smirked , pressing his tip against your hole. "please , please put it in." you reached for him , desperate for his touch. he pushed into your needy cunt , his cock stretching you out.

"mhm , you feel so good." you moaned. "i'm glad you feel good baby." he grunted , rocking his hips back and forth into you. "i dont want you giving anyone else more attention." he grunted. "i want it all the time." he rubbed figure eights on your clit. "you understand me baby?" you nodded , gripping the sheets. "yes fuck ! yes i understand." your orgasm coming up on you , you just needed that final push , which he quickly found , his cock hitting your g-spot repeatedly.

"oh my~ m'gonna cum." you screamed. he grabbed your jaw , forcing you to look at him. "look at me when you cum." he commanded. "go a head , cum for me." he gave you one particular thrust, that had you seeing stars as you came around him , creaming his cock. "sh-shit , im gonna cum too , where do you want it , you want it inside." you hummed, to fucked out to speaked. "good girl , take my cum for me." he grunted one last time , his warm seed filling you up , he cursed, stilling his hips his cock growing soft inside you.

he didn't even bother to pull out , just positioning his body so you both would be comfortable. "you're not going to pull out." he shook his head. "no , i want to feel you for a little longer." you laughed. "jeongin , you don't have to do this." he shut you up with a kiss.

"i told you , i don't mind if it's you , i want all your attention , give it all to me."

©️LUVYENI

[huellitaa]

friendship breakups 🎀 . ࣪˖

OKAY. so. i was best friends with this girl for 7 years and only recently i ditched her! after so so so so long i ditched her. finally. and my god i feel SO much better.

˚₊‧꒰ა friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

someone that you experience a bond with.

˚₊‧꒰ა toxic friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

someone who drains you and hurts you while still considering themselves a friend.

i think one of the hardest parts of this whole situation is figuring out what makes somebody toxic for you without constantly over-romanticising all the good parts.

˚₊‧꒰ა clear signs of a toxic friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

♡ dreading communication with them

♡ feeling drained after interactions

♡ being insecure and fearful around them

♡ holding off on telling them big things

♡ used as a joke way too often

♡ kept in the dark as just a "backup plan"

♡ left out & overlooked.

a friend should be somebody who hypes you up and makes you laugh and rambles for ages with you and makes dumb jokes with you and makes you happy and doesn't leave you out or make you feel alienated or upset or anything like that. it took me 4 whole years to actually realise this.

now, if you find yourself in a position where you are experiencing these signs of a toxic friendship but aren't really sure what to do, this is what i did!:

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ weigh out the goods & bads

if you're currently stuck with somebody who makes you feel drained and insecure and whatever else may be making you feel as though maybe you should cut them off, it sounds a little weird but as somebody who works way better puzzling things out when doing it on paper, i made a whole pros and cons list of what this friendship brings to my life. having a physical representation of your confusing thought process around the whole situation can be very beneficial and help to put your thoughts into clarity so you can make a decision that actually helps and aligns with you and go from there.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ figure out your friendship standards

everybody always talks about having standards in romantic relationships and love and all that but i barely hear anything on standards for friendships. friendships are just as important as romantic relationships, and having standards for friendships is equally essential as it would be in a relationship if you dont want to attract scruffy, dirty, insecure people who will only drag you down. ask yourself what your ideal friend looks like; somebody who shares your interests, somebody who supports you, somebody with a similar mindset to you, similar background to you; what is it that you want in a friendship? how do you define friendship? what does that look like for you? make a list and keep it somewhere safe. refer to this when making new friends and cutting them off.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ think back on your actions

a harsh truth of life is sometimes we are the problem. something i did for way longer than i should have is spend time going back over my every word, every movement, every action to see if there was something i did wrong. now dont do what i did, but do just sit down for a little bit and think if there was anything you could have possibly done and bring it up with them to resolve it if you did. admitting your wrongs is not weak. it is the strongest thing one can do.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ get a second opinion

one thing that helped me was talking to my mum about it. me and my mum are really close so i chose her but it can be another close friend, a parent, a partner, just whatever you feel comfy with. try to put it into a hypothetical situation so that they have no prior biased views on the situation and explain to them the scenario and see what they would do and what they would say. if you have no one to do it with, then thats absolutely fine because this is completely optional and just helped me to reassure myself a bit, but you can also think of it from an outsiders perspective or if a friend was telling you that they are experiencing what you're currently going through so you can get an unbiased opinion from yourself.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ let yourself feel how you feel

if you need to, just sit and cry for a bit. journal, write, wallow in your own sadness for a bit if thats what you need to release it from yourself. suppressing and holding all this in is way, way worse for you than letting it out could ever be. just have one night where you rot and cry and be sad about it. this releases the negative energy you've been holding onto about it and i promise you will feel so much lighter afterwards.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ demonising and romanticising

in these situations, its best to keep a neutral mindset towards them. even if its toxic, they were your friends in the first place for a reason and even if you shouldn't romanticise them dont demonise them and completely despise them either because thats not good for you or them. they are still an experience you went through in your life and are to be learnt from, nothing more. respect the good parts just as much as the bad parts.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ dealing with conflict

something i really really worried about for years when i wanted to leave my ex-best friend was the falling out and the social backlash, seeing as she's fairly popular too. but while i was expecting sooo much backlash and conflict, it turns out that if you do it the right way, nobody really cares. sure, it might attract a little attention for a while, but trust in yourself and remembering that nobody will actually care about this in a few weeks will get you through and you can move on with your life. if people can turn against you from only hearing one side of the story, they were never your people. plus, why are you stressing about validation from people you don't even like in the first place?

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ detachment

one thing that has saved me in many, many situations, including this one, is not giving a fuck. i will be making a post on detachment at some point but detachment in friendship breakups especially is so important because its easy to let your emotions get the best of you and control you and make irrational decisions in these situations. staying completely indifferent and detached and comfortable in yourself with you as your main priority has to be one of if not the most important part of this whole process.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ moving on

obviously moving on is difficult. moving on might be one of the most difficult things about the whole experience of a friendship breakup. so along with feeling the emotions and releasing them like i mentioned earlier, acknowledge that it's okay to mourn the past, even if they were bad for you. thats perfectly normal and okay. but do not let it consume you. trust in yourself and that this is for the best, and be proud of yourself for getting out of that friendship because there's so much you haven't yet learned and so many people you haven't yet met that will change your whole life in ways you can't possibly imagine right now. ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ trusting yourself

trust that no matter what's going on right now you will always be able to bounce back from it. trust your judgement and that if it makes you feel this bad, you arent overreacting, you arent overemotional, you arent just sensitive and it is genuinely affecting and impacting you. everything is an experience to be learnt and grow from and this is no different. its uncomfortable and its scary but the shift to getting everything you want is often scary and uncomfortable because of how much has to change to achieve that reality. if there's one person you're always going to have no matter what, it's going to be you. you are your own best friend. trust yourself above anybody and everybody else.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ actually cutting them off

one thing i did that i feel could have ended things a lot easier is not procrastinate the process of actually cutting them off. it was a little easier for me because she was ghosting me anyway so i did the same and told her no whenever she wanted me to do something because i refuse to be a second option, but if you're not comfortable with that and can't do it in a good or polite way because of whatever circumstances you might be in then just politely tell them. plan out what you wanna say in your head, dont think about it and just tell them. it will all be for the best, i promise. being uncomfortable is a part of change. you can do this.

overall, everybody enters your life and everybody leaves your life for a reason. please don't take this personally. people are not meant to stay forever. relationships are precious and fleeting, no matter what kind, and you should treasure them, good or bad, while accepting it might not be right for you anymore. people aren't supposed to stay forever and losing friends shows that you are growing. you've got this, okay? 💞💗

[neo404]

u should write abt nick x his bestfriend!

maybe something abt how they r bestfriends and they have been for a long time and nick is starting to have feelings for him but doesn’t wanna ruin their friendship

good little angsty story with a good ending

Ik you will cook king🤗

Kiss the birthday boy.

Summary: You like Nick and he MIGHT like you too. we dont know. and its his birthday soon.

TW: reader is refered as ‘girl’ but not as in reader is a girl, as in ‘giiirl’.

“Which one do you think he will like the most?” Jake looks at me while showing me two jackets.

“Girl… none, buy that one over there, the dark brown one. He will like that.” I say pointing out a jacket hanging behind him.

“Girl, you do know him so well, that’s why I brought you here… and because you and Johnny are good friends, but anyways. Ill buy this, thanks.” He leaves the two jackets he had on hand and grabs the dark brown I pointed out and walked to the cashier. I turn around and start searching for Johnny outside of the store. “Johnny.” I say when I see him.

“Hi.” He says waving awkwardly at me.

“Ugh, I wanna go home.”

“Me too.” he hands me a coffee. “Bought this for you.”

“Thank you.” He nods.

“How are you and your… Nick situation.” I almost choked on my coffee when he said that.

“Don’t call it that.” I say wiping the coffee from my lips.

“What should I call it then? The ‘oh no I like my best friend and I think he also likes me but I’m not sure and I don’t want to ruin our long friendship’ situation?”

“Dear god Johnny, that doesn’t help.” I laugh a bit and he does too.

“Sorry… but how are you with that?”

“It doesn’t help that it’s his birthday soon?”

“Why?”

“I never buy him anything, I never have. I always gift him handmade things, he loves that kind of thing. But every time I sit down to write him a letter, I end up confessing my feelings, I can’t write something normal.”

“Rough.”

“Don’t even tell me.”

“You should talk to Jake.”

“He will tell me to just confess, it isn’t that easy.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jake gets out of the store and walks to us.

“Coffee.” “Movies.” Johnny and I say at the same time, the three of us exchange looks.

“Movies.” “Coffee.” We say again but the other way around.

“Okay babygirls. Whatever, I won’t ask if you guys have your little secret secrets.” Jake laughs and starts walking to his car.

Once Jake drops me off in my house Johnny gives me a thumbs up and I weakly give it back to him.

---

“Still nothing?” Madi is ‘sitting’ on my desktop, my phone is propped up against my wall and she is wrapping up the gifts for Nick on the floor of her room.

“I can’t do it. I just can’t. It ends up being awkward or I end up saying how much I like him and that I wish he liked me back.” I cover my face with both of my hands and let out a groan. “Maybe I should just tell him I’m sick and I can’t go to the party.”

“He will ditch all of us to take care of you.” Madi said smiling.

“No, he wouldn-… yes he would, he is so kind and lovely to everyone.” I look at Madi and she gives me an empathetic smile which transforms into a smirk.

“Guess who’s calling me.” she says in a singing tone.

“God no, tell him to go away.”

“Already added him to the call.”

“Madi! I need to fix my hair.”

“Too late.”

“Madi!”

“Hiiii!” Nick pops up on the screen, he is smiling and standing in the middle of the room. “What are you guys chatting about? Just so you know, I am deeply offended that you didn’t invite me.” He says while fake crying. I just stare at him, trying to not bury myself into de ground.

“I was talking to this guy about what I’m gonna wear to your party. But it’s a surprise so you can’t see.” Madi says.

“Oh, I like surprises. I’m sure the both of you will look amazing.” He says while walking around his room, cleaning it up a bit. “You guys are staying to sleep, right?” I quickly look at Madi and she mumbles something that I did not understand.

“I am…” I say quickly.

“Cool.” Nick says and then he starts rambling about how exited he is to see his friends and all the things we will do at the sleepover after the party. Eventually he finished cleaning up and grabbed his phone to lay on his bed ‘with us’. We talked about our days, I told them I went out with Jake and Johnny but didn’t say why. After two hours Madi go ‘sleepy’, that’s what she told Nick because when she left the call, she texted me telling me to enjoy my alone time with Nick.

“So, Johnny, huh?”

“What does that mean?” I laugh a bit.

“You and him are close. Well, closer than before.”

“I guess.” I say, I look at my ceiling. My phone laying beside my face.

“Isn’t he like… 5 years older than us?” I quickly sit up and grab my phone, putting it in front of my face.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like… isn’t he a bit older for you?”

“Nick… what are you saying?”

“Do you like him?” he says quickly.

“What? No. Why would you even think that?”

“I-… I don’t know. I just… fuck- it’s nothing, I just thought… I didn’t but I thought maybe you liked him and I don’t know. Look, it’s late, I’m tired. I’ll text you tomorrow.” And then he hangs up on me. nothing else. Nothing. Silence fills my room and I am confused. Why would he say that?

---

“I’m serious, he was jealous.”

“Madi stop.” The light sound of music fills Madis room as she gets ready to go to Nicks party. It has been two days since that call and I did not have the courage to text Nick, neither did he.

“I’m just saying. I have known Nick for only a few years more than you but I can talk, I know him.” She says applying on her mascara.

“I don’t know…” I lay on her bed, my legs dangling off the edge. “I just don’t know. I want to cry so bad…”

“Hey, hey.” Madi quickly drops her mascara and runs to me, she sits down beside me and I sit up, my elbows on my knees and my head between my hands. “It’s okay…” She comforts me, her arms around me. “You don’t have to go…”

“I will. He is my friend. They are my friends. I- I told Matt I was going to be there.” I mumble. “Also, I have to give them their gifts…”

Madi sighs. “If you need anything just find me. Okay?” I nod and she kisses my cheek gently. “Want me to do your make up?” I chuckle a bit.

“What for?”

“To cheer you up of course.”

“I think that will cheer you up more but, why not?”

---

“Wooow. Who did your make up?” Jake says as we enter the house.

“Oh, Madi.”

“Well, she did a great job.” Johnny adds.

“It’s only mascara, blush and… lip gloss? Lip balm? I don’t know, she put a few things there.” I laugh a bit.

“Have you seen the birthday boys?” I ask.

“Over there.” Jake points to the kitchen and I nod to them. I walk over there and let out a short sigh to brace myself.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” I scream opening my arms and hugging the three of them at the same time. I feel someone laughing, awkward hands patting my back and I hear a muffled ‘thanks’. “How are my birthday boys?” I ask when I let them go.

“I’m glad you came.” Matt says.

“I’m good! we rented a jumping castle.” Chris adds with a childish smile on his face.

“No way…” I say

“Yes way.” He adds.

“Take me there.” I hand him my hand and Chris drags me. “Happy birthday Nick…” I mumble as I pass beside him.

---

It’s 3 am. Almost everyone is gone, I lay on the jumping castle alone, watching the stars blink at me.

“Don’t you feel alone in that castle?” a familiar voice comes from outside the castle.

“Depends who is asking…”

“May I be of company to the prince?”

“You may…” The soft material of the castle moves as he enters the castle and lays besides me. “Well, I think you should be the prince because it’s your birthday.”

“It was yesterday, it’s already 3:20 am.” I roll my eyes and turn my head to look at him. he was already looking at me. “You look good…”

“Most of the make up already washed off.”

“Don’t care. You look good…” he pauses for a bit. “Chris and Matt really liked your gifts…” I hum. “I can’t help but wonder where is mine.”

“I-… it’s in my car.” I sit up and look down to the bright color of the castle.

“Why didn’t you give it to me?”

“I can’t…” I feel him sit up too.

“Look at me.” His hand grabs my jaw gently and he turns my head.

“When it’s late you act weird…”

“You think I’m weird?”

I chuckle. “You know what I meant.”

“No, tell me.”

“You act different… like a few days ago.” He nods, his hand still on my face. “Nick… I can’t.” I grab his hand and pull it away from my face. “Don’t, please.” My eyes fill with tears.

“I’m not doing anything…” I look down and I tighten my grip on his hand.

“Look. I know that you are more… sure about everything, more confident, more outgoing. I’m not. I’m scared…”

“Just tell me.” He whispers. “It will be okay, I promise.”

“Nick-.“ My voice cracks. “I like you.” I whisper, a tear rolls down my face.

“I know… I like you too.” Suddenly the cold breeze of the night isn’t freezing anymore. Time stops for us. His hands go to my face and he kisses me, the kind of kiss that can cure any heart ache. I feel alive.

“I’m sorry.” I sniff. “I shouldn’t be crying. God, this is so awkward. I was so scared.” He grabs my hands that were shaking.

“What do you mean? This is the best gift ever. And not a lot of people can say that the love of they life confessed at a castle.”

I laugh. “Nick, this is a kids jumping castle.” He wipes away the tears of my face.

“I know, I don’t care.” He kisses my lips softly one more. “Let’s go inside. There is taco bell and pizza, you choose what to eat.”

Nick grabs my hand and softly guides me out of the castle, I smile weakly at him and he kisses my cheek. Together, we walk inside of the house.

taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee @m3laninangel

[sandinmybed]

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

[ryuichirou]

So i'm reading your yandere/hypnosis post and i get to Vil being utterly jealous enough to try on Rook; and it makes me think about his drive and the second place club lol (Leona, Jamil and Vil) like D: poor them they're always outranked by that ooonnee person! Can our boys catch a break? whether that person knows or not I always tend to feel bad--especially for Vil since i remember his inner speech in book 5 and the fact that his most trusted person ended up being such a big fan of the person who makes him feel like second best. wait i love rookvil i think i made myself sad LOL NOoo--aahh I rambled im sorry, i guess the main question i wanna ask is what do you think about those particular three always having to come second to their respective counterparts? I think your opinions and insight is so interesting that i'd like to know your thoughts on this! and you don't have to answer for all three characters if you dont wanna I was just curious on your thoughts! Anyways, have a good day and stay hydrated! it's hot this summer oof

Anon! Took some time to get back to you as well, sorry for the late reply. Summer is already over, but it’s still SO HOT…

Without diving into just how much I love the ending of book5 and the whole Rook-Vil-Neige thing (I feel like I talk about it all the time LOL)… It is interesting how these Vil, Jamil and Leona always get to be second best, isn’t it? But ironically, I don’t think I ever grouped them in my head based on this. Maybe it’s because of how different their situations are? But also now that I think about it…

Vil isn’t better than Neige, and he tries to be better by working hard.

Jamil is better than Kalim, but he can’t be better because of his status.

Leona may or may not be better than Falena in some ways, but he doesn’t even bother.

Ignoring the fact that this “better” is always subjective and in actuality things are more complex than that… and also trying not to sound like an armchair therapist that’s just telling anime boys “you should have done this you idiot”, but.

Jamil got the most development in that sense because this internal conflict is very straightforward, in fact, he was the easiest one to describe with these little sentences I just wrote. Jamil wants to stop pretending to be worse than he is, he wants to work hard and to show how great he is without being forced to get worse results than Kalim. He is only the second best because he consciously allows Kalim to be the best whenever he is given this choice. And he isn’t always given a choice: a lot of times the system decides for him, just like when Crowley chose Kalim to be the housewarden. Still, even in that situation, Jamil knows for a fact the shape, the density and the nature of this ceiling he can’t break, he’s been aware of it for his entire life. This is why it’s easy to pinpoint moments of Jamil’s growth: when he expresses how much he hates pretending to be worse than Kalim, when he says that he won’t hold back anymore, when he gets to dance and rap at VDC as a lead-vocalist and, ironically, when he gets scolded by Leona in ch6 (I have some issues with their sub-story, but still).

With Vil, the difficult part is to understand what exactly he understands as “beauty”: I mentioned it in a bunch of Vil-centric posts, but we’ve seen how in-canon he was described as too beautiful, therefore not as relatable as Neige. So this isn’t about beauty, and in a way I think this isn’t about Neige either. This is about Vil’s own feeling of self-worth and self-expression, and how people perceive him; Neige is just a very good point of reference, a good metric, especially considering that they always end up being compared to each other and that comparing numbers of followers is easy and seemingly objective (which is a cruel trap a lot of people fall for).

What I’m trying to say is that Vil isn’t fully and constantly aware of “the shape of this ceiling”, or rather why he can’t reach Neige; this is why we had that ending to his book. This isn’t solely about skill or quality, but those are the main things Vil focuses on.

And Leona… I am not sure about him, to be honest, because it boils down to one problem that I have with him: I am not sure what he wants.

It’s easy to compare him to Jamil because it seems like his issue lies in being frustrated with the system: he will never be the first because Falena is literally the first born son. But I don’t think it’s fair to compare a prince with a servant like that, because even though Leona wouldn’t be the king, he still has a lot of power and opportunities, and we’ve seen Falena valuing his strong points and expressing that he wants Leona to help him. One might even say that he invited Leona to be by his side, as a brother and an equal. But this isn’t what Leona wants in actuality, is it?

His “ceiling” seems to be obvious, but I guess his actual frustrations lie elsewhere, and those are kind of difficult to see because of how inconsistent he is. But maybe it’s just me being frustrated with his character again lol

I am replying so late because I really thought I would have some kind of conclusion about this whole thing, but it seems like I don’t lol Still, it was an interesting topic to think about.

Thank you for your ask! <3

[zai-doodles]

Yeah!! Please rank the spirit dresses!

LETS GOOOOOOO

ok ok ill try to not ramble too much but this will def be long lol

im not perfect by any means and these r just my opinions so idk don't kill me ig, if u disagree u can say that but be polite

10. OK so in LAST PLACE WE HAVE

CAPRICORN!

ok put down ur pitch forks and let me talk-

its not a BAD design aesthetically or in concept, I've seen ppl say its kinda leaning into a like, spy vibe or something and I really like the sunglasses and horns!

BUT capricorn never read as a spy to me?? maybe its just me but he always came off as more of a butler parody especially w the tailcoat he gets in this screenshot

i think both capricorn and the stardress suffer from not having a very visually distinct concept so when put together its barely feels like they match at all, its its v clear that putting lucy in a skimpy dress took priority over making a cool design that connected to the story

i dont even love my redesign for this dress anymore bc I feel like I just need to redo Capricorn first to give him a stronger concept then deal w the dress later

OK

9.

AQUARIUS

this is blasphemy i know but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

this one is way more personal preferance so if u disagree that's so chill there's just too many things w this dress that bother me

I hate the hair, i really do like grown women w pigtails is already a pet peeve of mine bc its so male gazy to me but combining that with the bikini top and super short skirt just annoys me

and let me say again THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH LIKING THIS but in the larger context of this being the AQUARIUS dress it just doesn't read like her at all!! Sure she has a bikini but she also has v ling hair!

where capricorn suffers from too little visual concept aquarius has so much of it!! The gold to me reads v fancy and royalty esque which makes sense for her personality, just changing the hair to something more like what aquarius has would do wonders I feel like

plus i hate the green-

my first redesign ever was this dress bc it annoyed me soooo much

ANYWAY-

8.

VIRGO

this fit is fine, just boring

but virgos design is also boring and the one interesting thing, her chains, NOT being part of the star dress or alluded to makes me angry

also pigtails so it loses points

NEXT

7.

ARIES

again its fine but its boring, mainly bc aries' design is also boring so-

idk i wish they went more bo peep with it cuz I feel like that could have been cute

also more fucking pigtails-

6.

TAURUS

if any fit deserved to have horns its this one TAURUS IS A BULL-

anyway this fits is also fine but damn they could have gone so much harder w the cowgirl thing

i do still stand by my redesign for this stardress bc I think it fits canon without redoing taurus

she should have a nose ring its just facts-

5.

GEMINI

love the concept and idea! kinda meh execution

its fine ig but its also like gemini don't look anything like this? which makes this another one were I feel ud have to rework gemini to give them more visual cues u could take

the headdress specfically confuses me since the wiki says its a Kokoshnik but after looking at the wiki for that I found nothing in the history that makes that make sense for this fit?? like concept wise??

its only so high up bc i respect that they did something different and creative with this dress and the way they split the colors on the dress itself is cute, just wish they went more magician or even jester w it

the only pigtails im kinda ok w bc symmetry

(when i say more magician i did it this way:

4.

SCORPIO

its cute, i wish the tail was bigger and I see v little reason for the fit to be skin tight when scorpio himself literally has a half skirt thing going on

i still like this so here, as u can see I liked the idea with the hair and headband combo I just wish they had pushed it further

3.

SAGITTARIUS

again, cool concept, weird execution?

this one is the only one i feel that THRIVES from not taking any visual cues from the spirit bc honestly his design just sucks I'm sorry ik its supposed to be funny but its just stupid to me idk

however even if i like thaty they did something different AND gave her the bow and arrow, it annoys me still that nothing about the fit reads equestrian or archery? there's SO MANY historical fits they could have used as inspo for this and they just chose not to and that's lazy to me idk

also also i hate that for a while bc of the way the manga was colored it looked like she was fully just wearing underwear bc of the white fabric with nothing on her thighs like that's dumb he's a horse u WANT something there to protect that area when riding

2.

LEO

its cute, it matched loke design AND personality wise, wish there were more lion elements but overall v cute

CANCER

i already talked abt my thoughts on this dress here so yeits just good AND the pigtails r ok bc they r meant to mimic cancers silhouette which I really like

summary:

[auschizm]

Just wanted to share a reflection on a nice little area of autism+schizo-overlap

I’m autistic and my best friend is auschitzic and I’ve found that I understand so called “word salad” better than others. (Not just in my friend but also in people I met in the soup kitchen and others who have it)

My pet theory is that perhaps with autism, there are less perceived notions about what someone should say.

I feel others get distracted by the projection that the person “isn’t making sense” rather than just listen.

I think it’s a nice moment of solidarity. We have so much more in common than apart. Especially in the struggles with communication. In many ways we have very similar needs too

Sensory needs, needs for predictability, need for routines, need for very clear instructions, cognitive support.

I see it as auschizm mirrors my experience a LOT and at the same time that the overlap adds an extra layer of marginalization which makes it so that when fighting for freedom, against the coercion and other flaws in healthcare, I see it as us who are autistic or otherwise disabled needing to listen to auschizic and schizospectrum people first.

Oftentimes auschizic people experience everything I do (miscommunication with doctors, coercion while outpatient, financial punishments for cognitive deficits, dehumanization, etc) but a hundred fold.

Similar; same type of things. But at the same time completely different; we who are autistic and only experience minor symptoms of other things from time to time, we have to understand that there are levels of incarceration and violence that we dont have to deal with due to not being schizospec

The way I see it this gives us a moral obligation. To fight in our day to day lives for the dignity of our schizospectrum siblings.

We have to speak up when people stereotype and fearmonger. We have to be vocal in our critiques against psychiatry. We have to fight to make the world accessible for all of us.

Rather than mask because we understood that what was said was meant as a joke, if it was cruel or “unreality” we should still demand it be explained.

Be outspoken about all of the cultural discrimination and misconceptions with our friends who might be even further removed from psychiatry than we are.

It’s like a set of circles where my auschizic friend can tell me about the experiences they heard from others even more marginalized who were in the ward. They are in the middle of the circle. Then is my friend who is mostly outpatient. Who can talk to me. Next circle is people who are neurodivergent but “functioning”; maybe they have jobs and stuff. So I can talk to them. Then those people can talk to people at their jobs etc who are even further removed

We can each do our work in fighting to create spaces. When we are in social spaces, that in and out of itself, is a privilege. We can fight to try to fit others in these social spaces

Sorry about the very long and rambly ask. There are many thoughts on this subject that I have yet to articulate

I guess what I wanted to say was thank you for making this blog. Thank you for creating this space.

It is so important that this gets talked about

Im extremely grateful to get the opportunity to read about even more auschizic experiences and learn more about the perspective

Thank you so much

Solidarity

🤝🤝🤝

This ask is making my morning. I really appreciate your compassion and solidarity! Although I gotta note that I don't believe in simple hierarchies of oppression and discrimination. Like I wouldn't say that a low support needs auschiztic person who is stable and functional enough to live alone and work is inherently more oppressed than a nonverbal high support needs autistic person who needs extensive support and supervision simply because the person in the first scenario has two diagnoses instead of one.

[anarchyatthesupermarket]

HI i am having Thoughts about your necromancy au and i need to talk about it. i was trying to convince my sister to read it so that i could have someone to talk to about it. but then i realised. yknow who definitly also has Thoughts about YOUR necromancy au? you. feel free to delete this ask i just wanted to ramble(about the later chapters specifically)

Call this my toxic trait buttt I dont think Rae did anything wrong in raising his mom from the dead. LIKE why the fuck shouldnt he?? His mom(and grandpas) didnt deserve to die, why the fuck should he let them, when he HAS the power to bring them back?? like??? Also not Momboo being a massive bitch telling Isla her son deserved to die. LIKE GIRL. i know you have issues but that is NOT how you talk to a grieving mother. ABSOLUTELY DESPICABALE behaviour. ALSO im pissed off at Fenris, Caspian and Aax. Like not them confirming Rae's worst fears when he actually tells them about Momboo and sends HIM away. and blah blah blah its their magic reacting badly but they dont even TRY to sympathise with him. Als.o like Fenris you are literally dating another necromancer. You cannot give Rae shit for being a necromancer without then applying that to your BOYFRIEND???

ALSO funny how when Rae raised HIMSELF from the dead, taht didn't trigger their magic or whtv, but when he was revived by Momboo it DID. 🤔🤔🤔🤔 (I dont think this will go anywhere but. thats beside the point.) Actually wait no maybe im onto somethign here. Maybe its because momboo fucked him up while reviving him!! maybe she did this on purpose!!! wait no i think im wrong. whateverrrr im being silly 😋

i cant wait to see how other characters react to Rae's new situation. I think(hope) that Athena and Jamie will still eb on his side.... actually maybe not. But i will hope.

At least Rae has Isla, even though everyone thikns hes a monster(THE EPIC PARALLELS ARE REAL) at least his plan didnt fail and his mom;s alive. slight consolation.

If i was Isla i would be HOSTILE to the afformentioned people (Fen,cas,aax momboo) if the situation gets resovled and doesnt end with Rae's eternal death. Hell id be hostile the entire fucking time. I want to see ISla kick someones shit for Rae because how DARE they call her son a monster for saving HER. do you think that would cause her guilt though? since she kinda maybe sorta ruined her sons life? that he ruined his own life to bring her back?

OKAAY ANYWAY thats most of my thoughts. can you tell that Rae is my favourite character no matter the universe? Can you also tell how unwell i am about this au? i think about it..frequently.... again feel free to delete this i just needed to share my thoughts ad feelings with SOMEONE

I also have so many thoughts about my necromancy au, it's just rotating in the back of my brain 24/7. I'm really hoping this all makes sense.

I agree with you, there's very little reason that Rae shouldn't bring his family back and Momboo's reaction (while coming from a place of trauma and fear) was unreasonable. However, I raise this to you, Rae is dead, he can not age or die. At this moment with how it stands he is going to watch Isla grow old and die, if he brings Raemond and Everett back the same thing will happen. He brought Isla back and he's going to loose her again and why would he be any better at processing his grief. Necromancy can not stop old age.

As for what happened with Momboo bringing Rae back and then Aax/Fenris's magic reacting badly to that, I have so many thoughts about it bc it's also how I imagine magic working in this au. I'm going to try to make this make sense.

I imagine that everyone's magic inside them is like a well, you can take water out of it (to perform magic) and more water will flow in to replace that lost water. You can deepen the well to increase how much water can be taken out of it without it running dry (strengthening your magic) however, if you try to deepen the well too quickly then parts of it might cave in (think exercising without warming up leads to hurting yourself, you try to perform too much magic that you're not ready for and you get weaker because you pushed yourself too far). The thing is is that you don't want your well to collapse or run dry. Rae bringing back Isla caused both to happen. When Momboo brought him back she just refilled his well with water so he could rebuild his well (bring himself back to life because Rae relies completely on his magic to live, other people can survive their well of magic being emptied but he can't). Because of that there was life magic in a well meant for necromancy, it was like dumping a bucket of muddy water into a mountain spring, and it will take days for Rae's magic to replenish and wash out the life magic. Fenris and Aax sensed the life magic in him (magic that wasn't supposed to be there, magic that was wrong for who Rae is) and it set alarms bell off in their heads because that's Rae's body but that's not Rae's magic that's reanimated his corpse. That's what Len's magic and reanimating the hordes felt like, that was a necromancer's magic filling bodies not meant for that form of magic.

The same thing didn't happen when Isla or Centross were brought back because they are both necromancers and so is Rae. That is necromancy magic filling wells meant for necromancy. I don't think Momboo felt as much "wrongness" with bringing Caspian back either because of a combination of Caspian not having magic and Momboo being a life witch.

Rae being called not human is a correct statement because he's dead, he's a corpse that's walking around. He's an abomination/unnatural because he's "living" off of magic that is nothing like his own.

Rae is an abomination, he is a monster. He is both Len (the traitor, the monster, the original sin) and the hordes (the horror, the grief, the terror) that marched on cities. He is a reanimated corpse with the singular goal of bringing his family back no matter the cost.

This is not because of what type of necromancer he is (because there are types, I just haven't been able to talk about them yet), he brought Centross and Isla back with both of their desires being completely separate from his own. He has no control over them. His situation is a bit more like Len and the horde which Len has/had complete and utter control over. Rae didn't have enough magic to bring himself back to life completely (hence the no heartbeat/breathing/just being alive) but he did have enough magic to bring himself back as one of the "mindless undead" which have singular goals according to the necromancer who raised them, his goal being bringing his family back. He's not being rushed into doing that/given the illusion of free will because his "soul" inhabits his body since it was reanimated. Think of it like Rae's soul/ghost is possessing his body, if that helps, but ghosts usually are formed with some goal in mind like revenge, in Rae's case that goal is simply bringing his family back.

Anyways, I could keep talking about this but I feel like I'm making less and less sense as I go on. I'm always happy to answer asks about this series bc I am unwell about it. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you're enjoying the series!!