#but the way they deal with it is so poorly executed in terms of wording and we've all seen it only ends up having more of a negative effect

[yellowloid]

whats up with the way matt and amanda frame their posts?

let me start by saying that i really appreciate the fact that they stand up for her and defend her against haters; it's sweet that as her friends they show support to her and all that stuff. she gets a lot of unnecessary hate and it's good that they have her back.

however. amanda has a tendency to hyperbole that makes everything she says seem so exaggerated, always calling her by superlatives, an angel, "woman of my dreams", amelia "worshiping" her, "everyone's favourite", both her AND matt calling her his sister??? you end up not being able to take her support that seriously lmao. i get that she's trying to do good because they're friends, and it's nice that she does what she does, but she's so dramatic and passive-aggressive with it sometimes

and then matt... idk wtf happened to him lately because he was always so silent on drama regarding their social circle (he was always kinda lowkey on his socials in general) and then over the past year he's been so adamant on putting her on a pedestal like amanda does. it's not the first time he calls her his sister either, but again if they're close it's nice that he supports her. the only thing that kinda annoys me (and that has absolutely nothing to do with louise) is the "you know i'll get off of here again" shit he pulls every time. i just find it so childish of him because why are you punishing all your fanbase for something only a minority of people does. and why are you holding it over your fans' heads, threatening them to log off at the first chance you get. it's just a poor way of dealing with the problem that does nothing to actually solve it. just show her support without being bitchy with the passive-aggressive threats lmao

[narwhalandchill]

Honestly. thinking back on it (am mega late yes) even though i like. ultimately enjoyed going thru fontaine AQ as an experience in terms of its emotional core and payoff with characters like navia neuvillette n furina having very strong writing and characterization i do think the overall AQ lore and worldbuilding is probably the messiest in the entire game and feels like all of its opportunities and potential was underutilized the most and thats just. Unfortunate

like yes its inazuma thats the most infamous for how shitty and rushed its execution was (and rightly so) and yes it Also had its share of issues with nothingburgers like the whole statue thing going nowhere or how shoddily constructed the entire it-was-all-the-fatui deal was

but i still think it has a stronger ground to stand on like. all aspects of the story if just slightly differently written and centered around better in-lore reasoning and logic. Are internally consistent with the world ya know. and would have produced a good story. like it could be fixed easily. no need for me to go Full Rewrite here but like just to make a point:

a shut-in deity paranoid and trauma-stricken is ignorant to her peoples wishes and enacts an eternal rule that stifles their hopes and dreams. discontentment in the nation (NOT just the vision holders it shouldve been ALL inazumans divided on this i s2g) has been on the rise but only outside forces stoking the flames push it into overdrive as they seek to exploit the unrest to get the gnosis. couldve brought the whole "peoples faith powers the archon" if they wanted to pop off bc then the fatui by sparking the civil war are Directly weakening eis power like Thats solid! less ei was innocent and only the fatui led to the bad stuff more. ei is flawed makes shit choices and leaves an opening for their operations etc etc etc.

foreshadow signoras past and distrust of the gods in like a tense encounter or two early on (ritou maybe?) where she hints at a deeper reason behind her actions. no need to trauma dump just have her like idk mock us for seeking the archons for "help" in finding our sibling slash truth of the world and coincidentally use wording that directly alludes to what we already heard from dainsleif earlier abt the cataclysm and archons sus so its like an Oh Shit. she can namedrop or allude to venti to imply its personal or sth to further recontextualize her actions in mondstadt as well.

and so on. like then fixing the rebellion (ppl join for other reasons than just the VHD so its a more common cause etc maybe some ppl dont care abt the decrees as much but the drafting of civilians into the ever expanding war effort goes too far) and stuff like that. inazuma had the ingredients for a consistent good story they just fumbled it completely

whereas fontaine tells like. a much stronger and more hype emotional core journey for its focal points as u go thru them but also it just. Genuinely falls apart if you poke at the setting and world for a bit too long its really just swiss cheese and that sucks

like as much as i Do love the narwhal in a very normal and sane way i still think story wise it absolutely goes into the signora tier of mishandled AQ boss fights except Even worse than hers bc. signora Fits inazuma even if she was handled poorly. but with the narwhal (and by extension childes entire presence as happy as i was to see him at all) its just... kinda random? and got pretty much brushed aside even during the AQ like we get the opera hall cutscene and then theres a THIRTY MINUTE cutscene with focalors before the actual fight happens like way to just. eliminate any urgency from the situation bruh. and then at the end both the narwhal and childe kinda just got plot deviced into hyping up skirk and surtalogis name drop. which rly fucking sucks. 99.7% of fandom never reads the AQ fight boss drop to consider the narwhals a sentient thinking feeling entity and not just a dumb big pet bc skirk called it that etc.

childe in general i dont think im necessarily like. as negative on the way he was handled as some ppl are (tho the general sentiments are 100% shared) but its still very much like. a disappointment w his lack of presence and voiced lines and in terms of how a lot of the intrigue set up in the AQ Especially the oratrice judgement just got shrugged off all "who knows 🤷‍♀️" like Are You Serious. and also p much using him as a neuvi hype device like . I saw it i knew ppl were going to be insufferable abt it & was right

i also saw a comment talking abt how childe Being the purple guy inside the narwhal just corrupted or sth wouldve given him a more heightened presence during the boss fight and while im a hater of that concept for other reasons (mostly the. narwhal must have malicious designs for ajax thing) i cant disagree with that take in terms of the story aspect. like if the narwhal ate him when he fell back in (which i kinda? assume mustve happened lmao like where did he Go 😭😭) it Wouldve been a much greater moment for sth like that to be there.

But bc i personally dont like the Brainwashed Puppet Angle i think how id have done it is just. sure make the purple guy more reminiscent of ajax n his fight style maybe even FL . But. feature an actual fucking cutscene in the stomach of us realizing its Not Him. but instead its the Narwhal Emulating Him as a spectral summon thingy. bc it ate his dumb unconscious ass for safekeeping or w/e and is now copying his homework of "use a manifestation of the other as a combat technique" (v romantic btw. soulmates real). like DUDE we had childes earlier AQ appearance Actively Bring Up this EXACT thing! he uses a hydro construct mimicking the narwhal as a combat technique bc of how their encounter rewired his brain chemistry. and now the narwhal needs to improv a more humanoid angle to combat in its stomach after it ate us. so like pov ur the narwhal whats the closest point of reference to draw from at that moment?

Oh Right. the guy ur been fighting for 40+ days . Your guy (derogatory) 💀 like they have a telepathic link who knows if it could just straight up cross reference Our combat moves from the flashes its getting from childes memories of seeing us in action and utilizing that.

like it wouldve been so sick and still left the nature of their connection relatively open ended. like it ate him skirk would be separating them at the end and maybe comment on it a bit and his whereabouts during the entire thing wouldve been Way Less confusing. The knight dude being a mimic of ajax' battle technique would thematically connect to the golden house fight and his hydro whale technique and its just. the current electro dude is just so Huh. like its a good jumpscare and i love the OST obviously but it getting No Lore NOR cutscene sucks so bad

(And like if they wanted the combat design to be so that theres no cutscene interrupting the transition between being swallowed and entering the stomach phase just make it an AQ exclusive one. and if we cant have traveler talk and logistics of bringing paimon/neuvi to make the shocked observation of "is that.... him? no... its just an imitation???" or w/e . Just have us FLASH BACK to childes own fucking dialogue as the phantom him is summoned to face us where he mentions 1) traces of the narwhal on him and 2) the basis behind his hydro summon technique. so traveler can have a silent !!!!!! Realization that he got ate or whatever and now his narwhal is stealing his ideas jsjskdksirigkf)

Anyway i swear this wasnt just abt those two im so sorry . but like yeah its just a fucking shame and also the narwhal being just like . Means to an End in the prophecy feels kinda meh but like i dont have a solid idea on how that would even rly be fixed but yeah. underutilized my both beloveds

Back to fontaine general stuff tho i kinda do think that . hoyo almost missed the trees for the forest w it all if u will excuse the mid metaphor . like they told a very strong emotional story w neuvi and furina and navia But it came at the cost of a highly illogical lore and worldbuilding and its just An Issue if u dwell on it even a little bit and its rly a shame

like they were going for this justice theme of maybe AI justicebot is not The Way (TM) and people viewing court as a spectacle rather than a show of justice but then went never fucking where with it in terms of Maybe This Needs Changing . they made that entire champion duelists a thing despite it being So fucking stupid fundamentally like it just relies on nobody with enough raw power to just solo any duelist ever getting into the ring

(no credit for this tho this was a comment thread i ran into on leaks sub. there was also a point made abt how childe dueling and winning against clorinde when hes accused wouldve been such a great moment of like both showcasing clorindes role and linking to their earlier sparring and holding back thing and also that maybe the system sucks when this is possible and while i get the story needed him in jail so he can reunite w his narwhal . im now mad this didnt happen. give him a W in combat hoyo.)

like theres this entire thing about flawed justice in fontaine that is present in the 4.0 story but then it just...... Disappears. Bc AI justicebot was anti celestia archon deleter all along and it finished its job so its no longer a fundamental ethical issue for the legal system and fontaines ppl to grapple with and confront shit like childes sentencing. And furina wanted dramatic trials bc of what she was told by focalors but since she retires its now just neuvillette whos super fair so everything is fixed .

im not as big of a hater of act III as some but like thinking abt these things further makes me like it less and less like Yes they wanted this meropide vs regular fontaine dichotomy explored and all but thinking of it is just. i wonder how worthwhile the opportunity cost was in there (i have no correct answer btw)

bc . if you keep the childe jailed bc justice AI bot. they shouldve shown the people responding to it . bc that entire highly controversial judgement is Literally accompanied by the solving of the serial disappearances case AFTER multiple ""culprits"" had already been imprisoned for it which i actually forgot (thanks same reddit comment for reminding me) like Whats with those people then????? and just. Everything to do with the entire case including childes deal shouldve been a much bigger social upheaval anyway like ik stuff like furinas SQ shows ppl personally affected in the aftermath but i mean in bigger scale.

And Then if we like run a bit with this alternate hypothetical idea of childe no diffing the court system (clorinde im sure youre powerful but like i put more faith in those ruin guards that lasted 4s against FL than u girl) so hes simultaneously kind of a criminal let off scot free but also its so stupid to think a guy thats like 25 at most is involved in a 20yr old solved case it couldve been actual source of political discord. and like if you need to get him to the narwhal for plot reasons its Rly Not That Hard theyre obsessed with each other bro gets pinged a whale call once and its like yes honey we jailbreak for reunion tonight (hes going to throw hands Immediately bc hes the toxic battle maniac one). also yes ik they wrote it weird so technically ajax cant duel after the oratrice decides hes involved which is major intrigue point (that canon wasted but oh well) but like. they couldve written differently idc. he couldve even gone off investigating why AI bot considers him guilty on his own and then jeepers!! speedrun glitchless any% spawned into the primordial sea!! hes missing! but like this isnt a well articulated idea whatsoever lmao im just winging some shit

meropides existence in general was also just weird. again i enjoyed the character writing it enabled for wrio and the HotH trio and despite disliking childe just being MIA i do like how the storytelling around his escape expands on his social intelligence and street smarts still. but as an entity the fortress is just sorta there as a system that Obviously shouldnt be Like this when its literally the other side of the coin to fontaines Already dubious legal system but then they went the whole. its a gathering place for exiles (still a prison)!! a home for those alienated by the surface world after so long (so why KEEP them in there that long)!!!! protectors of egerias secret (okay Sure. but whats the need post prophecy then)!!!! And its like. okay im not about to uhh. overstep my understanding of the risk a chinese company limited by often nebulous and inconsistent censorship would take if they went for a full on prison reform/abolishing angle w the writing like i dont think that was in the cards. But it still means meropide as a system just falls apart if u think abt its existence critically At All and its hard to say whether fontaines writing omitting sth like it entirely wouldve ultimately been better for the overall focus of the story anyway. but yeah

and its just. im sure theres even more that i havent even noted here (logistics of nobody drowning in the flood & rest of teyvat being unaffected etc etc) bc this is just a rant ramble not a coherent analysis but my point in all of this is that the abundance of issues like these just kinda add up so that by the end its kinda like fontaines simultaneously the AQ that id say has the highest highs in terms of its best moments and strongest emotional beats and how much heart it carries . Like im not taking that away from it.

but its also the AQ with like genuinely the messiest fucking groundwork in lore and larger worldbuilding implications whose aftermath leaves the most plot threads barely explored or just discarded altogether by the end and its just?? Such a weird mess like i very much enjoyed it despite the problems and for me it still overtakes sumeru in many aspects but i cant pretend those problems arent there . like consistency of writing and lore accounted for sumeru is still the best AQ

(oh also. the fact that to my knowledge no fucking fontaine NPC Ever reacts to the events throughout the AQ is fucking insane. like other nations could get away w sth like that better but. THE ENTIRE NATION FLOODED. How the fuck arent they talking. ppl in meropide post act IV abt the close call. ppl who saw the narwhal in the opera house in V. Like . HUH???)

but yeah its . A weird situation w fontaines writing as a whole . & yes im giga late to the discussion HSJSJSKSI but oh well thats my brain for ya

[florallychaotic]

The 100 Live Blogging

Alright yall, I'm gonna take a dive back into the only show aimed at teens that I watched as a teen. Everyone had their one CW show and this was mine. Separate posts will be made for separate watching sessions but episodes done in the same watching session will be added as reblogs. Block the tag "alli watches the 100" if you don't want this on your dash (no shame to ya)

Episode 1x01 Pilot

We are off to a bad start Netflix started playing suits when I opened it for some fucking reason

Right off the bat, Eliza Taylor's American accent isn't bad at all, but it's got the American vocal fry that I hate

Also it's really funny to me that the lead actors of this show have names that are near identical to people who are way more famous than them (Eliza Taylor and Bob Morely)

Not a good sign that the UK part of the Ark, the spaceship these people are staying post apocalypse, looks like it has cardboard on the exterior

Juvenile offenders call lockup "the sky box" which is was teenagers are never in charge of naming things

CW dialogue exposition my beloathed

Wells got himself arrested not for Clarke, but in my headcannon, that The 99 isn't as good of a title

My only solace for having to deal with Finn is that unlike the first time I watched this show, I know he dies instead of just wishing for it

Ah season one Bellamy hair, it makes him look like a middle school teacher

You see I hate CW dialogue but I also absolutely would have screamed "We're back bitches" if I was the first person back on earth in a century

Cue too on the nose pop song, radioactive by imagine dragons

I swear to god a solid 20% of Finn's dialogue is calling Clarke princess and im supposed to like him?

I will say off the bat Bellamy is the best character because so far he's the least clichéd and most interesting lol. Meanwhile I can't wait for his sister Octavia to be a good character because she does, she does get better but for now....yikes

Monty!!! Monty best boy!!!

FUCKED UP DEER MY BELOVED!!! TWO HEADED DEER WOOHOO!!!

I dont know how to explain it, everything on the Ark...like it doesn't look greenscreened but it does look weirdly hazy like it's not there??

The actor for Kane has a very bad American accent, it's so far up his nose it's like he's sick lol

Love the random girl who yelled "It's water!!!" When it started raining

Begging this society to stop using the term "floated" for executed it sounds so fucking stupid

Kane absolutely said the word "majority" instead of "maturity" and that's the take they used for some reason

Clarke is a beautiful artist and normally I don't wanna be the person to question this but how does she know what the Arc du Triumph is

Kane please don't say you're willing to "take us down to a cosmic Adam and Eve" to your female co-worker clearly both you and the writers don't realize how extra creepy that it

This show really likes shot to shot scenes where the camera is just panned up a little so you can see up the actor's nose and it's so awkward

I dont want to be that person, but I think it's very telling that Abby (Clarke's mother)'s best friend is an Asian woman who is still unnamed despite having more lines than multiple white characters who are already named. Like this show is quite diverse and it's not going to be fun rewatching and seeing how poorly they handled that diversity.

Director: "okay can you boys just improv for a moment to delay the scene so we can have the big moment at the chorus of the song?" Actors: "Sure boss!"

What!?!?! You're not alone on Earth?!?! I never would have seen that coming! /s

Final rating: 7/10 despite its flaws I'm far too interested to not continue. What shot Jasper?? Idk! It's a fun lord of the flies story that is really interesting if only its dialogue was better

[nextdoorharry]

imaaaaagine a world like that..can you?

-

in which you and harry are exes, but still remain good friends when you’re always there for each other. both of you can’t help but reminisce…in your head.

a/n: super sorry i haven’t written in FOREVER!! been crazy busy with school (still am) and i will get back to the writing grind when i’m not as busy, with that being said this is just a quick thing i was thinking of. also, no hate to olivia and harry’s relationship at all. pr or not, both deserve respect and anything written in this piece is solely for writing purposes only. no hate will be tolerated toward an individual. we’re all human.

-

it happened when you were on your way home from dinner with your friends. a call from harry. this wasn’t out of the ordinary for harry to call you, being exes and all. you both apologized after the breakup and agreed that you both couldn’t let 5 years of love, being close with each other’s families, and a pet cat all go to waste. you agreed upon being friends with him. still hang out here and there after the breakup, acting all platonic. you can’t help but have a glimmer of hope its a call wanting to start a relationship again.

“hello?” you said, one hand on the wheel, other holding your phone.

“hi love, sorry s’a bit late, was wondering if i can come over. it’s about olivia.” harry says. still sending you butterflies when he said the simple yet warming term of endearment. but once he said olivia, your heart dropped.

she’s beautiful, confident, and makes your harry happy from what the tabloids portray. the last time you and harry spoke was before he went off to LA, filming for don’t worry darling, a movie his new lover produced. still a few texts since then like “happy birthday!” “congrats on the grammy,” or “how’s the cat?” you two always saved catching up for in person. it was just your thing you kept during the 5 year relationship and after. it keeps things more meaningful at the time, rather than texting or quick phone calls.

“ah, olivia. isn’t she my replacement?” you teased while laughing. you hear a burst of giggles from the other end of the line. god you missed hearing that everyday.

harry on the other end of the line, heart aches a bit hearing you say that. no one could ever replace you. ever. you are so special to him. if only it wasn’t for his team making it difficult for him to ease down on touring for a bit for you. you asked for one thing from harry, which was to start settling down. you both were only getting older and the talks of marriage and kids were frequently becoming the topic of discussion with family. a year and some after the breakup, which happened to be during quarantine, where he had so much time on his hands without you, he reflected on what could’ve been and how stupid he was for letting you go. you were always so patient with him. going to his shows, god awful dinner parties with industry people, changing your work schedule just to fit into his. you asked for one thing. and instead of fighting for you with his team, he instead sided with them, and let you go.

teasing not dying down, harry goes, “someone keeps up with me in the tabloids, eh?”

it’s the fact that he’s not wrong. you remember that tabloid very well. when the first pictures of harry and olivia came out in an article titled, “harry styles and olivia wilde new romance? is y/n replaced?”

your heart was hurting.

“of course i am. keep having to make sure my name is finally out their mouths.” you joke. “i’ll be home in about 15 minutes if that’s okay?”

-

you pull into the driveway already seeing harry sitting on your porch chair. he waves at you and you get out of the car, walking up to him. he stands up and greets you with a bear hug.

“missed you, y’look nice. where’d ya head out to?” he asked, hoping and praying you weren’t out on a date looking like that. he knows you only wear a red lip when its date night. his mind filled with jealousy at the thought of you with someone else. whereas he has no right being there are pictures of him kissing, cuddling, and whispering to olivia on a yacht in italy. all for the cameras. his stomach turns. that was supposed to be you and him. on a yacht on italy. except leaving the display of affection for the bedroom.

“on a date” you say blatantly.

his heart drops. and lets you go from the hug. lying through his teeth he says, “ah really? happy for ya, you have to tell me about it, hope it was with a good bloke.” he says lightly.

“i’m kiddingg, was out for dinner with friends. mel got engaged by the way! was celebratory dinner for her.” you say, unlocking the door, letting harry in.

harry sighs in relief. “that’s good! m’happy for her, pass on my congratulations.” harry follows you into your kitchen, sitting down on the counter stool, watching you making his favorite “calm down” drink, loving that you remembered how he likes it. he didn’t even have to ask you to make it. you just know its what he needs right now. he can’t help but ponder that it should have been you. it should be your friends out for your celebratory dinner for your engagement with him.

you pass him his tea, knowing he’ll only take a few sips of it yet keep it in his hold for warmth. you were on the other side of the counter across from him, making a mini cheeseboard you two can snack on while talking.

“so..what happened?” you ask, heart not ready if you can handle what he’s about to say about his new lover.

“s’just so complicated. originally it was supposed to be a pr stunt for the movie. but now i don’t know how the pr team messed up so badly but they did. no one is really believing it. everything was executed poorly. it sucks because it’s her team conducting everything which means i barely have a say in it. i look like the bad guy being portrayed as a home wrecker, and she’s not doing anything about it! s’like she’s enjoying it. the kissing, the night outs, etc. she knows that if my team did have a say, it would have been over a while ago.” he breathes out. he’s been wanting to rant to someone for so long about this. he also just wants you to know that he’s not into her. it’s all for show. he’s still all about you. he wants to make that crystal clear.

you nod your head listening to everything he’s saying. body feeling uneasy filled with jealousy when harry says she’s enjoying the intimacy they have to do for show.

“well, did you talk to her about it? or talk to jeff at least? there has to be something he can do..?” you ask.

harry sighs, “i’ve tried so hard. jeff said nothing they can do about it. and he’s telling me not to mess with olivia because her team can do more damage than good with my name. not that s’already ruined.” harry rubs his face with his hands, feeling stressed.

the way he’s acting is familiar to you. early on in your relationship, when you two were a freshly new couple, you guys wanted to be completely private. during that time, with harry and the band’s album coming out, his management made him do pr stunts like these. he was as stressed as he is now. you were so new to dating something in an industry. he didn’t want to scare you away. but you understood. you get it. and you still get it as he’s speaking.

“hmm..if i can recall, back when you had to do a stunt with kendall on the yacht, m’pretty sure it was the same situation. with kendall’s team being difficult, your’s not having much of a say. do what i told you back then, stand your ground, harry. tell olivia like you did with kendall. also kendall’s team at the time played dirty, yet they still were understanding with you and got someone new for a stunt. olivia’s team will probably get someone new as well. and how badly can they ruin your rep? everyone knows you’re the nicest person who wouldn’t kill a fly. and tabloids are tabloids. would you rather have a few bad headlines about you or would you rather deal with a stunt for what? another year now? that you feel uncomfortable with?” you state. smiling a bit because you know harry knows your right, he’s smiling a bit too. he knows you love being right and debating, pulling out facts. that’s what you always did during an argument. which is why you were always right.

man. why couldn’t he stand his ground with his team. why didn’t he take your advice back then? he should’ve sided with you. not his team. why is he always so scared of them?

self-loathing, harry breathes out a laugh, “always have to be right don’t ya? you know what to say every damn time,”

“what can i say? the lady is always right.” you say, smiling proudly while cleaning up the remains of the cheeseboard you and harry snacked on.

“thanks y/n, really, i know i can always come to you with this stuff,” harry states. looking at you with his piercing eyes, meaning every word he said.

you smiled and nodded, cleaning the kitchen a bit. it started to pour early on when you guys were having a chat about his situation, hoping silently it would come down faster so harry has an excuse to stay, you offer nonetheless. “why don’t you stay back for a bit, hm? s’pouring out there, only gonna get worse. we can watch something?”

“love island?” harry suggests.

“thought you’d never ask.”

-

few gasps and scoffs at some of the islanders and their drama later, you slowly were drifted off to sleep. harry, sitting on the other sofa from you, peaks to see if you’re still watching. his face was in awe. he misses this. domestic nights with you, chatting away eating in the kitchen, then watching something afterwards. only difference is that you two are on different sofas. whereas before you’d be coddled under his embrace. he slowly drifts off to sleep as well. rain still going on, technically he can still go home. driving in the rain was never an issue for him. but he’ll always use an excuse just to be with you.

-

iMessage: Olivia Wilde

1:34 AM - I miss you, and our casual hookups. Can’t stop thinking about it.

that was one part harry left out of the story. he hooked up with her.

-

ahhhhh!!!! lmk if you guys want a part 2!!!

[capricorn-stark]

Smoke and Mirrors

pairing: jason todd x reader, childhood friends

warning: language, slightly heated towards the end but it’s very mild, smoking - i’m not a smoker nor do i condone it, don’t do it kids

a/n: references some early stuff from RHATO (2011)

“The girls at the diner used to call those cancer sticks.”

You thought it was pretty ironic for him to say that when he plucked the cigarette you were holding right out of your hand, leaning against the railing of the balcony and seeming utterly unabashed. You hadn’t even heard him landing beside you until he started speaking. 

You made a face at him as he unlocked and slid his helmet off while grinning at you in a typical self-satisfied fashion, bringing the cigarette to his own lips. 

“Let me guess,” you started dryly, watching a plume of smoke swirl out of his mouth as he took a drag. “That’s why you took their warning very seriously and told yourself to never, ever smoke one.” 

“I never said that,” he protested with another obnoxious laugh as he turned to glance over at you. “You made that shit up yourself. Not my problem.” 

You rolled your eyes at him before moving to fish out your pack and lighter out again, half-heartedly settling another one between your lips and lighting it up. Jason’s eyes followed the smoke back to you, his own expression unreadable.

“And I thought you said you quit this shit.” 

You shrugged, not quite looking at him when you opened your mouth to answer. 

“People say stuff all the time, Hood. What did you expect?” Your words were directed towards a little more than just smoking. A beat passed before he shrugged it off. 

“Hell if I know.” 

You both sat there for a while in silence as you smoked, watching the grey clouds stray towards the hazy glow of the setting sun on the horizon. The city beneath you was beautiful tonight, a seemingly endless stretch of dark gleaming buildings reflecting the pinks and oranges of the sunset. You wanted to relish that moment more than anything for a while, and you did. 

You closed your eyes and let the cigarette leave your mouth, clouds falling from your lips, nicotine buzzing in your bloodstream.

It would be a beautiful night. You could tell.

When you opened your eyes, you felt Jason’s eyes on you again and your turned your head to meet them. In the sunset, they really did glow a strange hue of green - yet another marker from his swim in the Lazarus. You hadn’t seen those eyes in quite a while.

“What, you want to take a picture?” you started in a somewhat jestful tone at his expression. “It’ll last longer.” 

“Would you let me?” was his rather cocky comeback as he took his own cigarette out of his mouth, another smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “‘cus I don’t have anything against that idea, per se-”

“I was joking-”

“Right, totally.” 

“I was!” The look on his face was infuriating enough to let you know that he didn’t believe shit. You let out a rather long and weary sigh. “I thought you weren’t planning on coming back anytime soon.” And at last, the disdain you had been trying so hard to contain from him was surfacing in your tone.

And clearly, from the way he was staring at you, he seemed to notice.

His latest adventures with his new friends, dubbed The Outlaws, hadn’t exactly been on the down-low. You knew one of them, Roy Harper, from being his best friend from a long time ago, and you had seen the glowing orange alien chick who accompanied them for the past few months on the news after he had taken off from Gotham. 

You couldn’t deny the fact that you had been more than a little dismayed by the fact that he hadn’t even bothered to give you some sort of goodbye before they left, either - no visits, no phone calls, no letters, not even a poorly placed sticky note on the front of your apartment door left to get swept away by some janitor when it fell off. 

You woke up one morning and heard from his brother that he wasn’t around Gotham anymore, no real explanations as to why the hell that was. 

He just disappeared. 

“You’re not thrilled to see me?” he attempted with mock hurt, and you gave him a very unimpressed look. “Sure, doll. I see how it is.” You acted like the nickname didn’t affect you as much as it did, because he didn’t deserve the satisfaction of otherwise.

“You know what I mean, Jason.” 

“I thought it was Hood?” He caught your look again. “Jeez, I’m just fucking around.” The silence stretched on and he at least had the sense to look a little guilty when he spoke again. “Y/N. Listen, I’m - I’m sorry.” 

You didn’t say anything for a while, your eyes still fixed ahead on the horizon. What did he expect you to say?

“I didn’t plan on leaving like that, I just - shit happened. And I didn’t want to stay in this shithole of a city for longer than I had to, anyways.” 

Of course. He was bad at goodbyes, so he never said them. You were above chasing after him, so you never did.

“You could’ve at least made a call after you left.” The cigarette was still burning in your hands, the white filter crumbling away in the wind. “Or, I dunno, sent a text, or even a damn email or something. Anything.” Even you were surprised by the contempt lacing your voice with every word you spoke. You had told yourself he had to have had his reasons for leaving and that you wouldn’t waste your own time being angry at him. But somehow, you couldn’t help it. It had hurt more than you chose to realize. “It’s been months.” For once, his passive expressions and sarcasm had been replaced with something else. 

Remorse. 

“I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal to you.” You almost let out an incredulous laugh at that. 

“Not a big deal to me? Are you serious?” You turned back to face him and he pursed his lips, clearly having realized that he had said the wrong thing. “After you came back - from the dead - and after everything that happened, you seriously thought I wouldn’t care what happened to you?” Jason opened his mouth, then wisely closed it while you tossed your cigarette down to crush it beneath your heel. “Wow, Jason, you knew me way better than I thought you did.” 

“I didn’t mean to leave,” he tried again after a beat, taking a half-step towards you. “I wasn’t - I was on a mission, and this submarine thing with the dudes I was dealing with blew up, and then I woke up like a week later on this island thing with a Tamaranean alien princess who thought I was Dick, and then I found out Roy was gonna get executed, so-” He seemed to realize how incredulous that sequence of events sounded from the look on your face. So he let out a sigh, wringing his hands. “Okay. Yeah. I was kind of a douche.”

“Kind of?” 

“I was definitely a douche,” he amended with another sigh, running a hand through his dark hair. He took a breath. “But I did mean it. I’m sorry.” 

And you knew he meant it when he said that. Even back in his unruly days as a Robin, when your friendship had first formed, you had figured out that it was ridiculously hard for Jason Todd to let go of his pride and apologize for basically anything. When he got older, it admittedly hadn’t gotten all that much better.

Until now, apparently. Just a little. And you could never stay angry at him for very long, as much as you might have tried.

You let out a sigh yourself, glancing up at him. 

“When did you even get back?” 

Jason made a show of fishing his phone out of his pocket and taking a look before answering. 

“About - twenty minutes ago.” He cleared his throat a little. “I wanted to see you.” There it was again - that infuriating feeling in your chest. 

“Did you?” You tried to keep your tone as neutral as possible as he rubbed the back of his neck, somewhat awkwardly glancing away from you before he spoke again. 

“Yeah. I missed you.”

Well fuck. That was a big one. 

“I guess I missed having you around. Sometimes.” He chuckled at your attempt to be nonchalant, stepping even closer to you. 

“That’s it? That’s all I get?” You rolled your eyes at him, refusing to say otherwise. You weren’t about to give in to him.

“Yeah, that’s all you-” Before you could finish, he had cut you off with a kiss. And in another moment, after his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you in closer, you realized your entire train of thought had been derailed completely because your best friend was kissing you.

“Get?” he offered when he pulled away again, another rather smug smile playing at his lips when you managed to look at him again, clearly flustered. “You sure about that?” 

You appropriately told Jason to fuck off before you pulled him down towards you again for another kiss. And that kiss turned into another, then another, and another. 

Your seemingly blasé attitude towards him and his constant teasing towards you had always helped you both shy away from whatever it was that you actually felt towards the other. It was easier to laugh at each other, or flirt, or push each other away than to actually move past your pride and admit how you felt. 

But then again, between tender caresses and heated kisses, you didn’t think there was a need to really say anything out loud. Where his hands were on your body alone could tell anyone what was going on in his head.

You had missed him more than you could express in words, and it was increasingly clear that he had felt the exact same way. Your relationship had always toyed at the fine line between friendship and something more, and your actions in that moment had firmly moved you both past the former. 

For so many years, your respective egos had provided a cover from a truth neither of you had been ready to come to terms with. But now, beneath the haze of cigarette smoke, sheets, and Gotham sunsets, you could finally see what exactly that was. There had always been something more underneath all of your smoke and mirrors. 

And although it wouldn’t be right then and there, eventually, you’d clear all of that smoke away. 

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

Thoughts on GW and Finally Answering Route-Specific Asks.

This post is quite long, mostly because the asks themselves are long, and I want to fully address them. I was an idiot and didn't answer them sequentially, but if you see answers that are shorter than others: certain asks overlapped in terms of content/my response to them, and I wasn't keen on saying the same thing over and over again lgkdjg. Anyway, onward!

Thoughts

Though I can't claim to understand what the fuck was going on in this writing room, it's pretty easy to guess: They needed a Claude who sought as much conflict as possible, and they weren't willing to put in the legwork to flesh out Almyra into a full-on conflict. Maybe that's because keeping Almyra centre stage would also keep the Alliance army pinned in two places: Myrddin, to fend off Imperial forces, and the Throat. Dimitri kinda speaks to that, seeing as before he goes about sweeping the western Empire on his way to Enbarr, he was zipping between Fhirdiad and the western front for a time. But with Dimitri, at the very least, they had the decency to leave his character as a whole well enough alone. Someone said this to me once, and I haven't forgotten it: A good character can carry just about anything, story-wise. People enjoy content about people, and good characters are that. The problem arises when you sacrifice character for plot, let alone a contrived one, and this route was honestly the perfect example of that.

My other grievances with the route are pretty easily summed up in answering the asks, but this is essentially the crux of it all: Claude says over and over that what he wants is peace, but he does everything to contradict that, and the route doesn't treat that dissonance with the severity it deserves. I'm told I'm doing the right thing for the sake of Fodlan's future, but when you think about it for two seconds--less than that--it falls apart like wet tissue paper, because Claude leaves Fodlan far worse off than when it began. It sucks that it's been "officially" chalked up to the lack of Byleth, but even if that were true, Claude still comes across as a right idiot because of his inability to look at his actions and understand their potential, and eventually realized, consequences.

Asks

I wonder if they were trying to make claude killing his brother his turning point to being the worst version of himself Cause hes like "that look of desperation on his face tugged on my heartstrings is all. i thought a guy like me would be impervious to this kind of thing. Looks like I didn't know myself as well as I thought. but now that I know I won't make the same mistake again" Is he hardening himself to death? Is this how he becomes so much more ruthless ? He's still mad OOC but i assume this is what the writers were trying to do ? After this he takes the Throne and makes an alliance with edeIgard. Forming an alliance with the war mongering imperalist was the official sign hes become the villain. And... It's still abrupt and makes no sense lmao

I can honestly, comfortably say that this was either not the intention, and just meant to dish out some pain to Claude, or WAS the intention, and executed maddeningly poorly. I let Judith die in GW, just for the sake of playing the route without all the fancy workarounds trying to get a teamup, and that caused him a great deal more visible/noticeable stress than Shahid's death, yet both end up with the same result: Claude does a Stupid Thing, his friends are like "Why are you doing this stupid thing?? Can you PLEASE let us help you?", Claude says yes, proceeds to do another stupid thing, and pretty soon after the stupid things are treated like completely normal things (e.g., invading Faerghus to get Dimitri to fork over Rhea.) His schemes are framed more as an issue stemming from his lack of reliance on others rather than a devolving of his ability to tell right from wrong, likely stemming from the fact that his character as a base in this game was just fucked from the word go.

I’m convinced that they wrote Claude the way they because him and Dimitri working together makes too much damn sense. In Houses Dimitri had to die and Claude had to be written out of the story. Yet, they still tease us by giving them moments that show they still get along great no matter the timeline/AU. I ship Dimiclaude too so this hurts me even more.

No but you're right, anon. Every bit of conflict between them in Houses had to stem from either miscommunication, meddling, or straight-up death/disappearance. AG hammers home that a partnership between the Alliance and Kingdom is not only completely feasible, but in everyone's best interest; Faerghus has the military prowess Leicester lacks (confirmed in Hopes), and the Alliance can provide rations/crops the Kingdom can't grow themselves. The friction between their nations here is the result of shoddy writing, and honestly nothing more. Azure Gleam had them at their best (and frankly most canon-compliant), and everything else had Claude down his throat because . . .

Because.

i don't know how to say this in a nice way, but it feels kind of... off-putting, to see count gloucester being portrayed as such a caring guy for his son and his people and the alliance and it's claude that's the no good very bad one. when 3h very clearly had the opposite be true. 3h says count gloucester murdered claude's uncle for power - hopes says nah he totally didn't do that (in lorenz's/ignatz's/raphael's paralogue - no guys it was someone else in house gloucester who did that, we swear!). 3h says gloucester didn't care for lorenz's say in things - hopes says he totally sees the error of his ways and apologizes for it (or close to an apology). 3h has him allow raphael's parents to be killed as collateral damage in killing claude's uncle - hopes says that he'd never ever sacrifice his own people and any leader who would (like claude) isn't fit to rule (and again, he didn't get raphael's parents killed anyway according to hopes). gloucester cares so much for the livelihoods of the people under his care and it's claude who's willing to sacrifice his own people if it gets him what he wants. gloucester would hand over his power to someone else if he thought it right, unlike claude who hogs all the power for himself to bulldoze over everyone. and then gloucester is basically proven right in anything he's ever said about claude ever in hopes. i dunno, am i the only one that's like... uncomfortable? with that direction hopes took? not accusing the creators of anything, i doubt they were being actively malicious. it's more that the writing is a bit... unintentionally loaded, i guess.

I would say most of this is more than fair to point out, but I don't think Lorenz's drive/conviction that the nobility lives in service of the people comes from nowhere; I was always under the impression that he got that from his father, who had that one quality going for him, but who was otherwise kind of a snake lol, and one who maybe didn't follow through on the lessons he imparted to Lorenz. Claude calls Lorenz a fox, Lorenz admires his father/emulates certain behaviours without wanting to walk his exact path, etc etc. That being said . . . You're on to something, I find, in saying that when they made Claude Do What He Did, it was kind of an opportunity to do a soft retcon on Erwin and make him a little . . . kinder? And sort of letting him off the hook for Raphael's parents dlgkjdfg (though i was under the assumption they were blaming a TWSITD agent, rather than someone else from House Gloucester). But I think it's important here that Claude's route isn't supposed to portray him as the no-good-very-bad one, despite what we know to be true. His route has a shit ending, don't get me wrong, but they all have unresolved endings, and frankly none of them looks much happier than the other. Claude has the support of his friends, and is no longer contested by them despite having gone right off the deep end; as a result, he meets no consequences, doubly so if you manage to spare Judith.

So Claude sides with Dimitri in AG but EdeIgard in SB/GW, is the flip flopping ever explained

In an official capacity? No. But it's an easy conclusion to come to, I've found: Claude doesn't do conflict. He's best suited as only an ally in this sort of game, because it leaves violence as an option several items down the list for him, rather than the go-to. That, at least, answers the conundrum of Azure Gleam; the remaining unknown is whether Claude's route was then shaped to an alliance with Her Majesty because Scarlet Blaze was written first (though I find that hard to believe, seeing as these routes already take no shame in diverging), or whether they had him ally with her in his route from the get-go, and then decided it would be cool if that remained the same on SB only to result in a backstabbing.

The further I got into Golden Wildfire the more it just felt like that route was a second thought. “Ok now we have the pro-church route with the kingdom and the alliance aids them” - “Yes and we have the anti-church route with the empire and Claude aids them but may betray you” - “Perfect but wasn’t there like a third route?” - “Yeah…I mean just make him an absolute ruler like a king or something and redo the empire one, in his profile you can see that he dislikes blind fate in gods so this will definitely make sense” - “Alright but we already had this story started with Almyra-“ - “Nah the empire one will do” Like why did the golden deer have to get the short end of the stick AGAIN?? Couldn’t we have just chosen who to ally with at least. But yeah the bandits mission in chapter 13 just proved to me that they just needed to get a third route somehow done Sorry for my rant but when I saw your post about chapter 13 it reminded me how….sadly unnecessary the Golden Wildfire Route feels

Never apologize for ranting, because I know I've done my fair share of it, and this route really does bring that out in a person.

I think what's a little sad is that Claude's decision to streamline decision-making for the sake of the Alliance during war stems from a place of wanting to protect it, and I've already said that I don't inherently mind the decision place someone at the head of it all; my problem is that he suddenly seems to resent the old method of the Alliance entirely, and it's like the story warped to suit him in that pushback feels hollow and he can't be wrong in any meaningful capacity.

Almyra was so wasted, and the way they DID use it (his brother's death) manages to become less important narratively than Judith's and, CONFOUNDINGLY, Randolph's. I'm so mad they wasted it.

I guess if you want dimitri-claude teamup, go for standard AG; if you want dimitri-edeIgard, minimal as that is, go for alternate AG; if you want edeIgard-claude, go for GW.

“We do not care where the Federation places its faith, so long as it is not with the Central Church.” Is sleazy. Gustave understands (go AG writing team!) removing the church removes the institution that teaches the faith. They aren’t inseparable. If the central church falls they really would rely on EdeIgard’s toady bishop. HOLST KNEW THAT AND STILL WENT ALONG WITH IT WTF

Holst got shafted as all fuck honestly, though what Deer didn't. Everyone stops pushing against Claude after a certain points despite his plots getting worse. They got really close to a full-blown confrontation/severe consequences for Claude on this route and chickened out, so it doesn't surprise me that Holst sort of talks out of both sides of his mouth.

I think that the main issues with Hopes Claude - Clopes, if you will - are his unfounded accusations against the Church (like, the SPECIFIC GRIEVANCES he has with them, not disliking it by itself), his willingness to side the Gardy, and the whole Sreng thing. Claude doesn’t care about Crests in that he doesn't blame them for everything - especially not for things that are literally completely unproven (marriages?? Bro what??). Claude isn't afraid to take up the duties and responsibilities his title - whether duke or king - call for. The closest thing Hopes gets "right" is his belief the Church causes isolationism... which Clopes has far less reason to believe, given his lack of time in the Church to expose him to the one branch that actually IS racist (Western) and given his more direct experience dealing with Almyra's invasions. Which would explain why Fodlan isn't keen on foreigners FAR better than the literal nonexistant isolationist preachings of specifically Rhea. Claude wouldn't join Gardy, as shown in CF - same conditions as GW, Gardy is showing that she's the winning side, she's invaded the Alliance, except NOW she actually WON against him AND has Byleth on her side. Still doesn't join her! Doesn't even give her Failnaught! But Clopes, who managed to beat back the Empire with just Alliance troops, and who literally just had Gardy lie to his face about not invading him, would suddenly join her? And believe her on her word about the Church being bad? Nope, don't buy it. Claude wouldn't do That with Sreng. Not up for debate. No explanation needed. The people who claim otherwise are deadass wrong, like objectively. No two ways about it, no nice way to say it. I've seen at least two different direction GW could have gone to showcase Claude "being darker" without assassinating his character as thoroughly as these three instances do. (Also, though, on that front: 3H fandom stop equating deadass evil actions as "morally gray" just because YOU like are committing them, Clopes pulling that shit with Sreng is about as gray as INK)

I've been missing out on calling him Clopes actually dglkdfjg what a fucking name, thank you anon.

There's practically zero chance that Claude managed to learn of Ingrid's marriage proposals in the time they were at Garreg Mach, so I have no idea where that comes from, and Dorothea pursues marriage completely independent of Crests; she just wants to live comfortably. And that's just one of his claims. What he says in that support is fuckingggdfgkjdlgj i don't even know where to begin. WHERE does he get this from. Have this post from the gigabrain of all Claude enjoyers as to why his gripes make literally no fuckin sense. I really, really don't like to say "well if you don't like this thing then clearly you didn't understand it!!!!!!" because that's so fucking pretentious, and often untrue, but . . . but . . . WELL . . .

The Golden Deer: *collectively shits on Acheron for being an opportunistic weathervane* Claude: *acts like an opportunistic weathervane* The Golden Deer: *at most give him a bit of a scolding before immediately following suite anyway* Game: *obviously does not realize this blatant hypocrisy* SIIIIIIIIGH GAME... You can't have Claude acting like a shitty slimy scumbag in a way that's LITERALLY JUST LIKE a gimmick character written to be clowned on for how hilariously evil they are, do absolutely nothing with that narratively speaking, not explain how or why Claude would act like this, and expect me to accept that just because you're pushing a "b-b-b-but this is how he is without By/leth!!" excuse. It's bad writing. You did a bad writing. Bad game, bad.

But anon, how could you possibly compare dear, sweet Claude to Acheron! :( /s

No, but seriously, it's actually kind of funny. Like how do you write this and remain utterly lacking in self-awareness as to WHAT you're writing fdlgjdfkg

Am I the only one that's like... kinda weirded out by how some in the fandom are reducing FEWTH!Claude's actions as "mistakes"? Because like... that's such a weasely way of phrasing exactly what he does in GW. It makes it sounds like the people who have a grievance with his actions are only mad because, like, he's not flawless and perfect or something like that when that's not the issue here at all. He deliberately worsened the conflict between the two countries to further his own gain. He deliberately invaded the Kingdom and put its people in danger. That should be described in a way that people can actually know what FEWTH!Claude did. I'm probably reading too much into it but it's just kinda annoying if nothing else to see all the horrible shit FEWTH!Claude does be muddied down just simple "mistakes" :/

The problem with that, anon, is that it's not some random fan take. The game frames it that way too, honestly, at least from the standpoint of his allies. It just doesn't care enough to make this the tragedy it is, because I don't think that would have sold nearly as well. It's better to try a half-assed attempt at making a sympathetic/loved character do an oopsie daisy, because it's far less likely to leave a bad taste in the mouth of the player. It's not the only route with this problem, in either game, even though a hack n slash would be a sort of interesting platform to try out a violent, uncaring power fantasy. What's sad to me, though, is that people who have the ability to look at all the facts available are still choosing to treat this as a series of mistakes, and treating this as some sort of fleshing-out of Claude. Of course, people are entitled to feel and think what they want; that's the whole point. But I would be lying if I said I trusted their judgement of Claude's character.

Claude mentions the Central Church's isolationist doctrines that motivate him to kill Rhea, but like, those... don't exist? Those only exist in the Western Church, which is always in revolt with the Central one because of how open Rhea is. And with the knowledge of Judith being a deeply devout believer, her backing Claude up immediately in VW once he shows that he went to Almyra for help would imply that she wouldn't have shown any real care about outsiders to him during the year he was in Fodlan before he came to the academy. So it's not like he got any evidence of "isolationist doctrine" from her - the one person he'd really be able to draw any conclusion about the church from, given his lack of time in Garreg Mach in Hopes. And given that he'd fought back against two extremely large invasions from Almyra in his own route, it makes way more sense to think that the main contributor of many Fodlan people's distrust/hatred of outsiders comes from... the constant invasions? That Fodlan (at least with Almyra) does literally nothing to provoke? And not anything from the Central Church? (tho to be clear that doesn't justify their distrust/hatred, strictly explains it) Like, honestly speaking, the isolationist part of Claude's distrust towards the Church never really made much sense given that he can support with Shamir and Cyril - two direct pieces of evidence that suggests Rhea doesn't give a shit if you're a foreigner - but in 3H he at least had experience with the Western Church, the actually xenophobic branch of the Church, and so some misunderstanding in his head could theoretically happen to have him attribute their flaws broadly across the board. And he nonetheless tries to hear Rhea's side of things because he still wants to know shit. But Hopes never gives a reasoning to him believing that about the Church, takes away the one possible explanation 3H gave, and stripped him of giving any shits about knowing anything. And people like this? lmao

The writers wanted conflict without putting in the legwork to make it make sense; in fact, they shot themselves in the foot so fucking hard, because I can't remember Judith ever being pious in Houses, but she is in this game. My theory as to the reason for the addition is that they needed some sort of sign off on Claude's crusade against the Central Church, and having the combined support of Marianne and Judith kinda did that; after all, if two endlessly devout people support his destruction of the church, it can't be that bad, can it? I don't have much more to add to this that I haven't said already regarding Claude's writing and the need for conflict, so I can only offer you a pat on the back anon, because these are trying times for us all.

{edit: adding this one in:

That video of Dimitri saying Claude keeps chasing him and Claude saying he should stop running…I thought if all the context was ignored (lol) it could be good DimiClaude content but then five seconds later Claude said it was Dimitri’s fault for putting himself in that situation as if Claude isn’t working with the warmongering imperialist like ok

yeah claude's basically the king of all assholes here I don't know what's going on with him <///3}

\

And that's that on that! I don't think I'll be making any more original posts commenting on GW specifically because I've said all i need to say, but I'll answer asks if they come. To all the anons who sent these and were going through it, I offer you comfort in the form of virtual baked goods and warm blankets.

[southsidestory]

I’m in a Hunger Games mood, so I’m gonna give y’all my unasked for reviews of each book (while unapologetically wearing my Everlark glasses). Here we go!

In terms of plain quality as a novel, The Hunger Games wins for me. It’s so tightly plotted, the world building is immersive, the conflicts are compelling, and I love how focused the story is on Katniss and Peeta.

In the later books the world opens up, we meet so many more characters, and Katniss’s other relationships—with Gale, with Haymitch, with her mother, with Prim, with the other victors—are explored in greater depth. Which is awesome! But I love the (forced) intimacy that the 74th Games creates for Everlark. It’s complicated and messy and absolutely fascinating. What’s more, it expertly sets up the central challenges that Katniss and Peeta will deal with in the rest of the trilogy.

Catching Fire is the book I enjoyed reading most. First, because Finnick Odair is one of my all-time favorite characters, and definitely my fave in THG series. I love how Katniss has all these negative assumptions about Finnick and many of the other victors, but getting to know them forces her to accept that they’re just flawed, complicated people surviving their trauma, exactly like her.

The clock arena was a brilliant and brutal idea, and the ending was such a WTF moment that I immediately dove into Mockingjay afterward.

Best of all, we get maximum doses of Everlark all through this book. The bedsharing on the train. Peeta illustrating the plant book for Katniss. Their sunset scene on the rooftop of the Training Center. So much Everlark goodness that it’s practically a banquet.

The only major flaw I can lay at Catching Fire’s door is that the concept of sending Katniss and Peeta back into the arena feels a little contrived. BUT the execution is excellent so I’ll happily forgive that.

And then there’s Mockingjay. Which I’m going to spend too much time talking about sorrynotsorry.

I have what I suspect may be some unpopular opinions regarding the third book. First, I actually really liked Mockingjay, and I think a lot of Everlark fans don’t?

I understand why! Katniss spends a large portion of the book separated from Peeta, and when she finally gets him back... well, we all know how that turns out. However, while those things are difficult to read, I think they’re good narrative choices. During Peeta’s captivity, we finally get to see the depth of Katniss’s feelings for him. She doesn’t realize it, but her love is astoundingly obvious. Her longing for him is palpable—which is what makes their reunion all the more heartbreaking.

Peeta getting highjacked is so tragic, but imo the book needed it. Up until this point, Peeta is a beacon of goodness. Certainly he has flaws, but Katniss doesn’t really see them, and to some extent she takes his love for granted. The highjacking destroys all of that. While it’s painful to read, it’s also really fucking interesting. And it takes Katniss’s grudge against Snow to a new level. What he did to Peeta is beyond unforgivable, and after it happens, she is out for blood. Peeta’s excruciatingly slow recovery keeps the reader on tenterhooks, wondering, Will he get better? Will he regain his love for Katniss? Will he ever be the Peeta I know and love again? It’s A+ conflict with high af stakes.

But perhaps what I loved most about Mockingjay is the characterization and story lines for the other victors. Haymitch’s involuntary sobriety, and the possibly even less enjoyable role as the resident Katniss Whisperer lol. Finnick airing all of Snow’s dirty laundry, even though it means revealing that he’s a rape survivor to a public that has been slut shaming him for years. Johanna’s morphling addiction and severe PTSD, and how she and Katniss finally find common ground.

Now for the things I *didn’t* like about Mockingjay.

#1 is unsurprisingly Finnick’s death. It happens in such a horrible way, and I think Collins chose to do it because she knew that Finnick dying would hurt the worst, not because it serves the story best. Prim’s death is gutting, but it’s narratively necessary. Finnick’s death is for shock value.

The pods scattered throughout the Capitol is a horrible idea. That makes no goddamn sense. It’s clearly only there for the “Welcome to the 76th Annual Hunger Games” line and all that it entails, which is not a good enough reason. Katniss and Peeta have already been through the arena twice, they don’t need to trod through a knock-off arena in the last book. It’s repetitive, and unlike the Quarter Quell, it’s not executed well enough to overcome how contrived it is.

I’ve got other gripes, namely all the Galeniss moments. But I will freely admit that it’s because they’re a NOTP, not because those scenes are unnecessary or poorly done. On the contrary, they’re very necessary and very well done. I just don’t like them lol

But then there’s the ending to Mockingjay. It’s perfect. It concludes on exactly the right note. The ending recognizes the longevity of Peeta and Katniss’s trauma, as well as the cost of war, but it still wraps everything up on a hopeful note. After three books full of death and destruction, Katniss and Peeta are allowed to find peace and recovery. It’s as happy of an ending as books like these can possibly have, and it’s 1000% earned. No small feat.

From an Everlark perspective, I could not be more pleased with the end. I’m sure all I have to say is the word “Real” for everyone to understand why. Collins stuck the landing like Simone Biles on floor, and I have great respect for that.

Tagging @awhiskeyriver @rosegardeninwinter @muttpeeta and @badnovels because you’re all wonderful writers and I’m really curious about your opinions. I’m not expecting or looking for perfect agreement—and in fact, I’d love to hear other perspectives! Even if you think I’m dead wrong 😂

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 7th of April, 2021

This is the first of three spreads that I have drawn on this topic. The other two will follow after this one.

This is speculation only

Cards drawn: 28th March 2021

Question: Does Archie exist?

Background: I am looking for pregnancy cards, to say a pregnancy occurred, children cards (the pages), childhood (the Six of Cups), cards like that. The absolutes 'yes I exist card' would be the Page of Pentacles (an earth sign child).

I ask a simple question and I seem to be wandering off into 'tin-hat' territory again. I take no offence if you have trouble believing this reading, as I am having trouble believing it as well.

Interpretation: I am not getting any cards that say that Archie does exist.

Card One: The Knight of Swords. This is an air sign person, most likely a Gemini, or a person who is set on a goal and will use their intellect (however strong that is) to achieve their goal. It is the card of a person who is ambitious, motivated, and who will stop at nothing to achieve their goals, but who also is quick to take action or react to events, and who does not plan ahead. Here the card could represent Prince Philip, who is a sun sign Gemini, but to me it comes across very strongly as someone who jumped into action to achieve their goal and who did not think things through, so the action was poorly planned and executed.

Swords are the suit that deals with medical issues, so this brings to my mind very strongly all the medical issues around Archie's carrying and birth: The lack of any reported visits to a gynaecologist, the refusal of the BRF doctors by Meghan, the lies and contradictions about who made up Meghan's birthing team (the woman who supposedly delivered Archie, the Countess of Bradford, has stated firmly and publicly that she did not do so), the fact no member of the press or the general public spotted Meghan and Harry driving to and from Portland Hospital (which, incidentally, was a London hospital used by a couple who were reportedly living at Frogmore Cottage at Windsor at the time), the lack of any doctors signing off on the birth announcement by Buckingham Palace, and of course the ever changing, wobbly pregnancy bump. Were these signs that a surrogate were used, or signs that no one gave birth to any child and Archie simply does not exist? There is nothing in all those situations that could be used to prove his existence.

Card Two: The Knight of Wands. This is a fire sign person, most likely a Sagittarius, or a person who is working to turn a vision into a reality. This is someone who is confident that they will succeed and who rushes ahead with their work. They may also be a person who acts first and thinks later, rushing ahead impulsively without a clear plan and with no thought to the consequences of their actions, and hence hurting their chances of long term success. This repeats the message of the Knight of Swords - rushing into action without thinking things through, relying on confidence to bluff their way through any obstacles.

Wands is the suit of PR, and this card reminds me of the mix up of press releases on the day of Archie's birth - the press were told Meghan had gone into labour, and about an hour later that she had delivered the child, and it was later revealed that those releases were sent out after Meghan had given birth and, from memory, was back at Frogmore Cottage. It also brings to mind Meghan's extraordinary action in not displaying her child to the press (and hence the British taxpayer, who pay for the child) on the steps of Portland Hospital, as the Duchess of York and other members of the BRF had done before her. For someone who seeks attention, especially press attention, as consistently and constantly as Meghan does, this behaviour is very out of character. Is the answer that the whole hospital birth was fake and there was no child to display?

Card Three: The Hierophant. This is a card of institutions, and in my readings is usually represents the BRF. The card shows Chiron, the wounded centaur who taught the youths of the nobility. It may indicate a lesson to be learnt by the BRF from this situation. This 'teaching' aspect is strengthened by the two previous cards, as in astrology the Gemini-Sagittarius axis is known as the line of the Teacher, and it is all about gathering (Sagittarius) and disseminating (Gemini) information. The BRF may be gathering information about Archie, to be disseminated/revealed to the general public at some time in the future.

This card also brings to mind the BRF wording of the birth announcement for Archie outside Buckingham Palace. "The Queen and the Royal Family are delighted at the news that Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Sussex was safely delivered of a son ..." and no doctors' signatures, as opposed to any of the announcements for the Cambridge children, i.e. "Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a son/daughter ..." and signed by multiple doctors involved in the birth. For Archie, Buckingham Palace only passed on what they had been told. For George/Charlotte/Louis, the birth was stated as a fact and posted with proof (the doctors' signatures).

The Hierophant is the only major arcana card in the reading, so this is the strongest energy in the spread - one of a complete lack of proof that Archie exists; his existence being based on hearsay and not fact.

Bottom of Deck: The Ten of Swords. This is the card of hitting rock bottom. Complete loss, complete surrender, having nowhere else to go. In terms of Archie's existence, I am reminded that Meghan was overdue with her pregnancy, the press were releasing stories that she would be induced in two days if labour did not start, and suddenly we have news of her being rushed to Portland hospital despite her repeated desire for a home birth at Frogmore Cottage. Was Meghan backed into a corner with her 'birth'? Did she have nowhere to go except to stage a fake birth? That would fit with the 10 of Swords card - either medical intervention (swords as a suit) and/or having nowhere to turn to support her fake pregnancy and being pressured to produce a live baby.

Conclusion: I am getting a lot of people cards, but nothing that represents Archie, and earth sign child, and nothing that says he exists. On the contrary, I am reminded of the 'passing on of the news' birth announcement by Buckingham Palace (as opposed to stating it as a fact), the lack of witnesses to the birth, the confusion in the press releases, and all the other little things that add up to there being absolutely no concrete proof that Archie was actually born. The first two cards give a message of someone who is jumping into action without a properly thought out plan and letting their act of confidence (bluffing) carry them through any inconsistencies that arise. The underlying card points to being in a situation where there is no way out of the results of previous actions. There are no pregnancy cards and no child cards. Taking all these things together, at best the reading is pointing out all the doubts about Archie's existence, at worst it is saying that Archie does not exist.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Guest Post: On Japanese Internment Camps

Since I am currently very 

I’d like to post a piece of writing from one of this blog’s fave guests (and humans in general), Dr. Stephanie Hinnershitz; please note that this was originally posted to her personal facebook page, and is shared here with her permission: There's a reason why historians are moving away from using "internment" when discussing the forced removal of close to 120,000 Japanese Americans during WWII. I also realize that I recently used "internment" in an article I wrote. This was a stylistic choice on behalf of the editors and I should have pushed back more, but it made sense for context and readership. Incarceration is the appropriate term. Here's why: I received a few private messages and emails from friends and strangers asking if I knew that German Americans and Italian Americans were also interned during WWII. Yes. I am aware of this. Many times, people bring this up in a "gotcha!" way to try and prove the point that the incarceration of Japanese Americans was not racially-motivated or had no racial angle to it at all because if it did, why did close to 15,000 "white" people end up interned? In a more charitable way, people bring up the internment of German and Italian Americans because they did not know about it until well into their adult years and assume that I might not know about it. But let's return to the internment issue. I study the removal and incarceration of those--foreign and American-born--of Japanese descent. The internment of "enemy aliens" is not my area of specialty. Under American policy, internment during WWII was a specific term for the detention of immigrants who were nationals of enemy nations (Italy and Germany, for example). Now, there were certainly Japanese enemy aliens, but the majority of them were held with other German and Italian enemy aliens in detention centers overseen by the Department of Justice. Internment fell under the DOJ.

The word "internment" doesn't apply to Japanese Americans who were removed from their homes by the Army and then transferred first to "assembly" (detention) centers and later to the "relocation centers" or "camps" (or concentration camps--yes, this phrase was used by many officials in memos and correspondence--prisons, prison camps, etc.). The reason why internment is not the correct term is because the majority of those Japanese Americans who wound up in one of ten prison camps were American citizens, not "aliens." They were not "enemy aliens" because a) they were from America and America was not at war with America and b) they were citizens. Even the planners of incarceration and a lot of the military officials I researched were careful to avoid the term "internment" when discussing the removal and imprisonment of Japanese Americans after Executive Order 9066 because it was basically incorrect. (Side note: Many government and military officials knew that incarcerating American citizens was constitutionally a bad idea and tried to persuade FDR to avoid including Japanese American citizens in enemy alien roundups.)

Because internment was not really applicable to the majority of ethnically Japanese American citizens, the government created a new agency--the War Relocation Authority (WRA)--to oversee the ten prison camps. The Army was supposed to be free of any responsibility once Japanese Americans were transferred to the camps, but--if you read my article--this didn't work out. The WRA a bureaucratic nightmare, a massive waste of taxpayer money, and just a poorly-managed civilian agency tasked with running an unconstitutional program.

Internment of Germans and Italians WAS NOT the same as incarceration of Japanese Americans. Two different programs overseen by different agencies. So, really, there are responsible and interesting ways to place incarceration and internment in conversation, but you can't really responsibly do it if you're trying to say that there were not racial elements to Japanese American incarceration.

BUT--if you want to try and make that argument, here are some other reasons why you're wrong:

1) When you make a decision or policy based on the belief that an entire group of people behave a certain way because of racial characteristics, that's racism. And that's exactly what happened with Japanese American incarceration.

2) Did General John DeWitt (in charge of the military zones along the West Coast where most Japanese Americans lived) believe that ALL enemy aliens should be removed from vulnerable areas regardless of race? Yes. BUT this starts to break down once we get into citizenship...

3) German and Italian Americans (whether foreign or American-born) made up a HUGE portion of the American population, particularly on the East Coast. Initially, government officials thought that even American-born citizens of German and Italian descent should also be removed and incarcerated like Japanese American citizens, BUT Italians and German Americans should be given an opportunity to explain themselves--due process--before a committee. Japanese Americans did not receive this consideration at any point AND the idea of removing and incarcerating German American and Italian American citizens was eventually dropped. Officials argued that it would be impossible to do this because there were so many Italian Americans and German Americans. Also, because many of Italian and German descent were American citizens, they were obviously loyal to the U.S. and we shouldn't really be concerned

....

Wait--what?

I hope after reading that you were able to stop and think, "But I thought you just said the majority of Japanese Americans who ended up in the prison camps were American citizens?"

Yes! I did say that! Please continue reading.

4) Officials determined that Japanese American citizens were less trustworthy than Germans and Italian American citizens because even if ethnically Japanese individuals were born in the United States (and many of those incarcerated were members of the second generation--never been to Japan, went to public schools, had plenty of American-born friends), their parents (immigrants from Japan) were unable to naturalize or become American citizens...BECAUSE RACIST LAWS SAID ASIAN IMMIGRANTS WERE UNABLE TO NATURALIZE. See what's going on here?

5) Okay, so the next "whatboutisms" that usually pop up include planned attacks by Japan coordinated with Japanese Americans in the U.S. and the dual-citizenship of those born in America to Japanese parents. Were there attempts at or completed attacks of the West Coast by Japan? Yes, the "Bombardment of Ellwood" for example. Is there any proof that these were coordinated with the help of Japanese American citizens or even "enemy aliens?" No. Were there Japanese enemy aliens who did suspicious things or expressed anti-American attitudes? Yes--just as there were with German and Italian enemy aliens. But the fact remains that it was predominantly Japanese American CITIZENS with no connections to any subversive plans who ended up in the camps--a significant difference compared to German and Italian Americans.

As for dual citizenship, if you use this argument to justify the incarceration of Japanese Americans, congratulations! You're a bona fide 1920s racist! This is the exact argument used by 1920s racists and there's a grain of truth in there: Because of citizenship laws and negotiations in Japan and the United States, Japanese Americans born to Japanese parents in the United States before 1924 were automatically both citizens of Japan and--because of birthright citizenship under the Fourteenth Amendment--were also U.S. citizens. Officials used this to argue that with dual citizenship, even Japanese Americans born in the U.S. had loyalties to Japan and deserved to be locked up. What this argument did (and does not) take into consideration is the fact that between 1924 and 1940, Nisei (second-generation Japanese Americans) began to renounce their Japanese citizenship--approximately 70% (according to records kept by the WRA and other data). And after 1924, this dual-citizenship situation no longer existed.

6) The end result of this was that the government and the military determined that even Japanese American citizens were less trustworthy simply because they were of Japanese descent. Discrimination and segregation laws along the West Coast made sure that Japanese Americans had a difficult time fully integrating into American society...and then this was used against Japanese Americans to argue that because they remained unintegrated, this meant they were disloyal to the United States! Anti-Japanese sentiment had been building for a long time along the West Coast, and enterprising and racist politicians and farmers who wanted access to Japanese farmland (Japanese were incredibly successful farmers because they took risks and developed different crops in California especially) took advantage of wartime hysteria and lobbied for removal. And it worked.

So what does this all mean? You can't compare Japanese American incarceration to German and Italian enemy alien detention if you're trying to make the argument that there was no racism in incarceration. Some 11,000 German Americans (most enemy aliens) were interned in enemy alien detention camps. As for Italian Americans interned, you'll see the misleading figure of 600,000 Italian Americans interned. This is not true. The government classified 600,000 non-citizen Italian Americans as enemy aliens and they were placed under curfews and other restrictive actions that violated their civil liberties--but 600,000 Italian Americans were not interned. About 10,000 were removed from the West Coast and ultimately under a thousand interned--all enemy aliens, not citizens. Additionally, on Columbus Day in 1942, FDR officially declared Italian Americans no longer enemy aliens (he got a lot of pressure from Italian American Democrats in NY who basically said, "If you want our support for the New Deal, don't even think about it, clown."). Japanese American citizens were removed from their homes, placed in prison camps in terrible areas, and denied due process. People also like to say incarceration was not that bad because Japanese Americans had places to live, the camps provided games and entertainment, and they got to leave to go work by 1943. All true. But many of you can't even wear a goddamn mask without griping, so to say that "it's not a big deal" to have the government remove you from your homes and place you in a desert somewhere is a little disingenuous, no?

And if you're still going to say it's not a big deal--Japanese American citizens also had their guns confiscated. So there's that.

AND here's the best part: About 15 years ago, some members of Congress tried to issue pass legislation to issue a public apology to German Americans interned during WWII and create some required programming in school curriculum to be sure kids learned about this. But you know what? Republicans refused to have anything to do with it because it was "un-American" and unpatriotic.

[mysitesfasterwpspeedoptservice]

How To Speed up WordPress: In-Depth Guide

The faster your website loads, the better user experience you provide — it's as simple as that. Better user experience leads to higher conversion rates, lower bounce rates, and more. Learn how to speed up your website and improve your users' experience.

If you want to create successful WordPress websites for yourself or your clients, learning how to speed up your WordPress site is essential.

While many people rightfully focus on the design and content of a website, how quickly that website loads is just as important, if not more. Load times will affect your site’s user experience, SEO rankings, conversion rates, bounce rates, and more.

However, understanding all the ins and outs of WordPress performance can be complicated, which is why we’ve created this huge guide on how to speed up your WordPress site.

In this post, we’ll cover everything that you need to know. We’ll start by explaining what slows down WordPress sites, why speed is important, and how to test your site’s current performance.

Then, we’ll share a full list of actionable tactics you can use to improve your WordPress site’s performance today.

Find Out Which Plugins Are Best for WordPress Caching

Table of Contents

Why Is Your WordPress Site Slow?

Why Is WordPress Site Speed Important?

How To Measure WordPress Site Speed

What Do the Test Results Mean? What About "Scores"?

What's a Good Website Load Time?

How To Optimize WordPress Site Speed

Why Is Your WordPress Site Slow?

There are two broad categories of issues that could be slowing your WordPress site down:

Backend performance – in broad terms, this is how long it takes your server to deliver files.

Frontend performance – this is how optimized your WordPress site is itself.

Backend performance problems generally come from your hosting. For example, using slow hosting is one of the biggest culprits of poor backend performance. You can also speed up backend performance by making your server more efficient with tactics such as page caching, using the latest version of PHP, optimizing your database, and more.

Frontend performance problems depend a lot more on the choices you make when building your WordPress site. Some of the common issues here include:

Using too many poorly-optimized WordPress plugins

Using a heavy WordPress theme

Loading large, unoptimized images

Having unoptimized JavaScript or CSS

Loading too many third-party scripts

If you want to maximize your site’s performance, you need to optimize both types of performance. For example, even a site with perfect frontend optimization might still load slowly if it’s on really slow hosting (and vice versa).

Our tips below will cover fixing both types of issues.

Why Is WordPress Site Speed Important?

If you’ve ever used a slow-loading website, you intuitively know how frustrating dealing with a slow website can be. It’s annoying, and your visitors will be annoyed if they have to wait around for your content to load (especially on mobile devices).

So at a basic level, one big problem with a slow WordPress website is that it creates a really poor user experience for your visitors, which is something you should always aim to avoid.

However, there are also lots of specific downsides to having a slow website:

SEO rankings – Google uses site speed as a ranking factor in both its desktop and mobile results. It will also start using Core Web Vitals metrics soon, which include a speed metric. Site speed can be especially important in competitive niches with lots of strong sites, where it’s a differentiator between two equally-strong sites. Here’s Google’s take.

Conversion rates – slower load times lead to lower conversion rates. Even just a 100-millisecond delay can hurt conversion rates by 7%, according to Akamai. Deloitte also found that just a 100-millisecond improvement in site speed led to shoppers spending 10% more.

Bounce rate – slower load times lead to higher bounce rates. For example, Pingdom found that the time-related bounce rate for a page that loads in two seconds is 6% but that jumps to 38% for a page that loads in five seconds. On mobile, Google found that the probability of someone bouncing jumps from 32% at 1-3 seconds to 90% at 1-5 seconds.

Site speed is also especially important on mobile, where 53% of mobile visitors will leave a page that takes longer than three seconds to load.

How To Measure WordPress Site Speed

The easiest way to test your WordPress site’s performance is to use a speed test tool. With such a tool, all you need to do is enter the URL of the page that you want to test and the tool will give you a bunch of data to assess its performance.

Some of the best free speed test tools are:

WebPageTest – offers a lot of testing variables to collect more useful data.

Fast or Slow – tests from multiple locations all around the world to assess global load times.

GTmetrix – quite flexible if you register for a free account.

Google PageSpeed Insights – provides real-world speed data from Google, along with testing from Lighthouse.

If you want accurate data, there are a few test variables you need to pay attention to:

Device – try to test both desktop and mobile devices.

Test location – ideally, you should test from the location that’s nearest to your target audience. If your audience is all over the world, you should test from multiple locations.

Connection speed – the speed of your visitors’ Internet connections will affect how quickly your site loads. However, some speed test tools use an ultra-fast connection to test, which makes your site look faster than it will be to real users. Ideally, you want to choose a connection speed that matches your users’ real-world situations.

For example, here’s a test configuration to test your site’s speeds for mobile visitors on a 4G connection:

What Do the Test Results Mean? What About "Scores"?

Once you run a speed test, you’ll get a lot of different numbers (the exact numbers depend on the tool you use).

In general, you should focus on actual load times, not “scores”. While scores can provide useful guidance to help you optimize your site, your visitors only care about how long it actually takes your site to load.

In terms of actual load times, you’ll see different numbers. In general, you’ll want to pay attention to both fully loaded time times (how long it takes your entire site to load) and “user experience” metrics such as Largest Contentful Paint (LCP), which measures how long it takes your site’s “main content” to become visible (even if your site is still loading below-the-fold content and scripts).

What's a Good Website Load Time?

In general, a good website load time is under two to three seconds. For mobile users, Google recommends under three seconds. And for eCommerce stores, you should aim for under two seconds.

However, remember that your site’s fully loaded time isn’t the only important metric. You’ll also want to focus on your site’s “perceived” load time, which is how fast your visitors “feel” like your site is. In Google’s words:

“Largest Contentful Paint (LCP) is an important, user-centric metric for measuring perceived load speed because it marks the point in the page load timeline when the page’s main content has likely loaded—a fast LCP helps reassure the user that the page is useful.”

Google recommends that your LCP time is under 2.5 seconds and will start using this criterion as an SEO ranking factor in 2021.

How To Optimize WordPress Site Speed

Now, let’s get into some actionable tactics you can implement to speed up your WordPress site…

1. Use Fast WordPress Hosting

2. Use Page Caching

3. Use a Content Delivery Network (CDN)

4. Optimize Your Images

5. Optimize CSS

6. Optimize JavaScript

7. Use a Fast Theme

8. Use Fast Plugins and Limit Plugin Usage

9. Optimize Your Database

10. Limit or Disable Revisions

11. Optimize Your Comments

12. Offload Media Files

13. Use Gzip Compression

14. Use Browser Caching (Cache-Control and Expires Headers)

15. Use Preconnect and Prefetch for Important Resources

16. Manage Your Scripts To Avoid Sitewide Loading

17. Beware Autoloaded Data From Plugins

18. Limit Third-Party Script Usage

19. Use a Speed Enhancing Plugin

1. Use Fast WordPress Hosting

Choosing performance-optimized WordPress hosting is one of the biggest things you can do to improve your site’s backend performance.

Put simply, if your hosting is slow, there’s a high chance that your website is going to be slow, even if you do a really good job at front-end optimization.

For the absolute best performance, you should consider managed WordPress hosting options such as Kinsta, WP Engine, or Flywheel. If that’s out of your budget, cheaper options such as SiteGround and A2 Hosting can still help you achieve fast load times.

For more options, check out our list of recommended WordPress hosts. We also have a guide on how to choose WordPress hosting to help you with your decision.

When choosing a host, you should also pay attention to the available server locations. The physical location of your server will have an effect on your page load times because physical distance affects download speeds.

Ideally, you’ll want to choose a host that offers a server located in the same location as your primary target audience.

Another important consideration is to look for modern technologies, such as HTTP/2, which can improve HTTPS performance and also is better at handling lots of small HTTP requests.

2. Use Page Caching

Implementing page caching is one of the biggest things that you can do for your WordPress site’s performance, especially if you’re starting from cheap shared hosting. If you’re on cheap shared hosting, you might even see your load times cut in half just by activating caching.

Normally, your WordPress site’s server needs to assemble each page from scratch whenever someone visits your site. This involves executing PHP to “build” the page and querying your site’s database to get the content for the page. Once it does this, your server delivers the finished HTML to a visitor’s browser.

This process takes time and also uses resources, which has two negative effects on your site’s performance:

It makes individual visits take longer.

It uses more resources for each visit, which means your site will slow down even more during high-traffic periods.

Page caching eliminates this problem by storing the finished HTML product of a page in a cache. Then, for future visits, your server can just deliver that HTML without doing the behind-the-scenes work.

Many WordPress hosts now implement page caching for you automatically, including most of the options we recommended above.

If your host doesn’t, you can still implement page caching using one of the many quality caching plugins. Here are some good options:

WP Rocket (which works great with Elementor)

WP Super Cache

WP Fastest Cache

3. Use a Content Delivery Network (CDN)

A content delivery network (CDN) speeds up your site’s global load times by caching your static content on a huge network of “edge” servers all around the world. Then, when someone visits your site, that person is able to download content from the nearest edge location rather than from your main server. Because the physical distance is shorter, the files download faster and your site loads quicker.

Some good CDNs for WordPress users include:

KeyCDN

Stackpath (formerly MaxCDN)

BunnyCDN

Cloudflare

Many managed WordPress hosts also offer their own built-in CDN services at no extra cost.

Excluding Cloudflare (which has its own setup process), you can set up a CDN as follows:

Sign up for the CDN service and add your site.

Use a plugin such as CDN Enabler to configure your WordPress site to load certain content from the CDN.

4. Optimize Your Images

On average, images comprise around half of the file size of the average website, according to the HTTP Archive. This makes them a huge opportunity to reduce your site’s size and speed it up.

In terms of the images themselves, there are two parts to optimization:

Resized dimensions – you want to resize the image’s dimensions based on how you’re using it. If you’re including the image in a blog post with a content area that’s 800 px wide, the absolute max you would want that image to be is 1,600 px (doubling the dimensions to account for Retina screens).

Compression – once you resize an image, you should compress it to further reduce its file size. There are two types of compression – lossy (some loss in image quality but huge file size savings) and lossless (zero loss in quality but smaller file size savings).

For most sites, a good strategy is to:

Resize images to their display width (or 2X the width at max for Retina screens).

Compress images using lossy compression (unless you’re a photographer or in another niche where image quality is paramount).

One option is to optimize images before uploading them. Tools like BIRME (resizing) and Kraken (compression) offer bulk optimization, as does Adobe Photoshop.

Or, you can use a WordPress image optimization plugin to automatically optimize images as you upload them to WordPress. Here are some good options:

ShortPixel

Imagify

Smush

Optimole (learn more here)

You can also use tactics such as lazy loading. WordPress now supports native browser lazy loading for images, or you can also use WP Rocket or the free Lazy Load plugin.

Finally, instead of using heavy GIFs for animation, consider using a short MP4 video and the Elementor video widget, which offers a much lighter approach.

5. Optimize CSS

Your site’s CSS code provides another opportunity for front-end optimization.

Two baseline strategies to optimize CSS are:

Minify CSS code to reduce the file size by eliminating whitespace and redundant characters.

Combine separate CSS files to reduce HTTP requests. Generally, one large HTTP request is more efficient than multiple small HTTP requests (though the difference isn’t as large if your host uses HTTP/2).

To improve user experience performance metrics such as Largest Contentful Paint, a more advanced optimization tactic is to inline critical CSS in thesection and defer loading the rest of your CSS until later.

The Autoptimize plugin is a popular free option that lets you perform these optimizations. Or, many performance plugins offer these features, including WP Rocket.

6. Optimize JavaScript

Just as with CSS, you should minify and combine your JavaScript as much as possible. However, you might need to exclude certain JavaScript files from combination to avoid causing issues.

You can achieve both optimizations with the Autoptimize plugin or WP Rocket:

Beyond that, you should defer loading JavaScript as much as possible to avoid blocking loading above-the-fold content. You can do this with the Async JavaScript plugin from the same developer or WP Rocket.

7. Use a Fast Theme

As the foundation of your site’s front-end content, your theme plays a big role in your site’s front-end optimization.

If you’re planning to use Elementor Theme Builder to build your WordPress site, we recommend the free Hello theme, which is the fastest theme for Elementor because it eliminates all unnecessary features. Put simply, you won’t find a more performance-friendly foundation for your Elementor designs:

Other quality lightweight themes include the following:

Astra

GeneratePress

Neve

All three themes include deep Elementor integrations and starter sites.

8. Use Fast Plugins and Limit Plugin Usage

While there are lots of great plugins out there, you need to pay attention to your plugin usage if you want to speed up your site. In general, every plugin that you install adds its own weight in the form of database queries, HTTP requests, and file size.

For that reason, a good general rule of thumb is that the more plugins you install, the slower your site will be.

However, it’s not just the quantity of plugins, but it’s also the quality. Even just a single slow plugin can have a huge negative effect on your site’s load times.

Here are some basic principles to follow when it comes to plugins:

Try to limit how many plugins you use. If a feature isn’t necessary to the functioning of your site, consider leaving it off. This also limits the chance for compatibility issues, which can further affect load times.

Only use plugins from reputable developers with good code quality.

One easy way to eliminate the need to install excess plugins is to use Elementor and/or Elementor Pro.

Because Elementor includes built-in widgets for a number of important actions, you can use it to avoid installing more plugins and speed up your site. For example, you can use Elementor for contact forms, social share icons, sliders, galleries, and more. These are all features you’d normally need a separate plugin for.

9. Optimize Your Database

Your WordPress site’s database is what contains all of your site’s content and settings (including your Elementor designs).

When someone visits your WordPress site, your server needs to query the database to get all of the information that it needs to render the page (though, as we covered above, page caching can eliminate this process for most visitors).

In general, the larger and more complicated your database is, the longer these queries will take, which will hurt your site’s performance and also waste your server’s resources.

For that reason, you should make a regular habit of cleaning your site’s database. Here are some plugins that can help:

Optimize Database after Deleting Revisions (pictured below)

WP Rocket

WP-Optimize

10. Limit or Disable Revisions

One big cause of clutter in your database is post revisions. By default, WordPress stores unlimited revisions every time you hit the Save Draft button while working on a piece of content.

To prevent this clutter, you should disable, or at least limit, post revisions.

You can do this with the free WP Revisions Control plugin. Or, you can add one of these code snippets to your site’s wp-config.php file:

Limit (store two revisions):

define(‘WP_POST_REVISIONS’, 2);

Disable:

define(‘WP_POST_REVISIONS’, false);

11. Optimize Your Comments

If your site has a busy comments section, it can be a surprising drag on your site’s performance. By default, every single comment adds an external HTTP request to Gravatar to load the user image. Comments also add weight to your database and extra database queries to load comments.

If you don’t find value in comments, one option is to disable comments completely:

Go to Settings → Discussion

Uncheck the box to allow people to submit comments

However, comments sections are important to many sites, so you might not want to get rid of them completely. Here are some tips to optimize them:

Lazy load the native WordPress comments section with the free Lazy Load for Comments plugin.

Disable avatar images to reduce HTTP requests (Settings → Discussion and uncheck Show Avatars).

Use a third-party comments system like Disqus or Facebook Comments and then lazy load it using the free Disqus Conditional Load or Lazy Social Comments plugins.

12. Offload Media Files

If you use a lot of media files (e.g. images), that can be a big drain on your server because your server needs to store and serve up all those images.

One way to reduce this strain is with a CDN. The CDN will “pull” the images from your server into the CDN cache and then serve images from the cache. However, this still uses resources because the CDN needs to query your server to pull those images in the first place.

To fix this, you can consider offloading your media files to external storage such as Amazon S3, DigitalOcean Spaces, Google Cloud Storage, etc. You can still use your CDN, but your CDN will now “pull” its media files from the cloud storage instead of your site’s server.

To set this up on WordPress, you can use the WP Offload Media plugin from Delicious Brains.

13. Use Gzip Compression

Gzip is a technology that lets you compress data at the server level, which can result in a 70%+ reduction in your site’s file size.

Most WordPress performance plugins can enable Gzip compression for you, including WP Rocket. Or, you can use the standalone Enable Gzip Compression plugin.

If you’d prefer not to use a plugin, you can also enable Gzip compression by adding this code snippet to your site’s .htaccess file:

<IfModule mod_deflate.c>  # Compress HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Text, XML and fonts  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/javascript  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/rss+xml  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/vnd.ms-fontobject  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-opentype  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-otf  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-truetype  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-ttf  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-javascript  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/xhtml+xml  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/xml  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/opentype  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/otf  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/ttf  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE image/svg+xml  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE image/x-icon  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/css  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/html  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/javascript  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/plain  AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/xml    # Remove browser bugs (only needed for ancient browsers)  BrowserMatch ^Mozilla/4 gzip-only-text/html  BrowserMatch ^Mozilla/4\.0[678] no-gzip  BrowserMatch \bMSIE !no-gzip !gzip-only-text/html  Header append Vary User-Agent </IfModule>

To test if it’s working, you can use this Gzip compression test.

14. Use Browser Caching (Cache-Control and Expires Headers)

Browsing caching lets you tell a visitor’s browser to store static assets on a visitor’s local computer. For subsequent visits, the visitor’s browser will load those files from the local cache, rather than your server, which speeds up load times.

To control browser caching behavior, you can use two tactics:

Cache-control

Expires headers

These let you tell visitors’ browsers how long to store certain types of files in the browser cache. For example, “store PNG images for 30 days before re-downloading them”.

Both achieve the same effect, but cache-control is the newer and more flexible option. You can use both – just make sure the storage lengths match.

There are two ways to add cache-control or expires headers:

Plugin

Code

Many WordPress performance plugins already include features to implement browser caching for you including WP Rocket. Or, you could use the standalone Add Expires Headers plugin.

If you feel comfortable working with code, you can also set this up by editing your site’s .htaccess file (if using Apache) or Nginx config file (if using Nginx).

Here are the code snippets that you’ll need:

Apache cache-control (.htaccess):

<filesMatch ".(ico|pdf|flv|jpg|jpeg|png|gif|svg|js|css|swf)$">        Header set Cache-Control "max-age=84600, public" </filesMatch>    

Apache expires headers (.htaccess):

## START ADD EXPIRES HEADERS ## <IfModule mod_expires.c> ExpiresActive On ExpiresByType image/jpg "access 1 year" ExpiresByType image/jpeg "access 1 year" ExpiresByType image/gif "access 1 year" ExpiresByType image/png "access 1 year" ExpiresByType image/svg "access 1 year" ExpiresByType text/css "access 1 month" ExpiresByType application/pdf "access 1 month" ExpiresByType application/javascript "access 1 month" ExpiresByType application/x-javascript "access 1 month" ExpiresByType application/x-shockwave-flash "access 1 month" ExpiresByType image/x-icon "access 1 year" ExpiresDefault "access 2 days" </IfModule> ## END ADD EXPIRES HEADERS ##  

Nginx cache-control:

location ~* \.(js|css|png|jpg|jpeg|gif|svg|ico)$ { expires 30d; add_header Cache-Control "public, no-transform"; }  

Nginx expires headers:

location ~*  \.(jpg|jpeg|gif|png|svg)$ {        expires 365d;    }    location ~*  \.(pdf|css|html|js|swf)$ {        expires 2d;    }    

To test your headers, you can use this free browser caching checker tool.

15. Use Preconnect and Prefetch for Important Resources

Preconnect and prefetch are two tactics to speed up DNS resolution time for third-party resources, which can speed up resource download times. For example, you could tell browsers to preconnect to your CDN or the Google Fonts CDN.

You can learn more in this post from WP Rocket.

16. Manage Your Scripts To Avoid Sitewide Loading

Many WordPress plugins load their scripts on your entire site even if you only use the plugin on certain pages. This can cause an unnecessary performance hit on pages where you aren’t using that plugin.

For example, let’s say you’re using WooCommerce as the payment processing system for your online course. Even though you’re not creating a full eCommerce store, WooCommerce will still load its scripts on every single page as if you’re running a WooCommerce store.

To fix this, you can use a plugin that lets you conditionally control script usage on a page-by-page basis. Two good options are:

Asset CleanUp – free (pictured below)

Perfmatters – paid

The goal is to only load each script on content where it’s absolutely needed and disable it everywhere else:

17. Beware Autoloaded Data From Plugins

Just as some plugins load their scripts sitewide, some plugins also use a similar tactic in your database via autoloaded data in the wp_options table. Even worse, many plugins don’t clean their data even if you delete the plugin. This can slow down database query times, especially on older sites.

You can check out this guide to learn how to clear autoloaded data.

18. Limit Third-Party Script Usage

Third-party scripts are items such as:

Tracking scripts – Google Analytics, Hotjar, etc.

Social Media – Facebook Pixel, “like” buttons, etc.

Third-party ads – Google AdSense, Media.net, etc.

Some A/B testing tools – Google Optimize, VWO, etc.

Etc.

Using third-party scripts can be especially tough on website performance because you have a lot less control over optimizing those scripts. For example, you can’t control their browser caching behavior and each third-party script also adds additional DNS resolution time.

For that reason, you want to limit your use of third-party scripts as much as possible. Think long and hard whether each script adds enough value to your site to justify the performance hit.

For more control, you can also consider locally hosting some scripts, such as:

Google Analytics – use CAOS or WP Rocket

Facebook Pixel – use WP Rocket

19. Use a Speed Enhancing Plugin

Some of the aforementioned tasks can be performed using a WordPress speed plugin. In fact, using these plugins could prevent the issues from occurring in the first place by ensuring that your WordPress site is optimized correctly when adding media, or content.

A highly recommended plugin is WP Offload Media. This speeds up your WordPress site by offloading your media to cloud storage, such as Amazon S3 or DigitalOcean Spaces, and then serving it lightning fast with a CDN. (It also has an Elementor integration).

Balance Great Site Speed With Great Site Design

Beyond everything we’ve examined, it’s important to remember that there is no perfect solution for speed.

It boils down testing and retesting, and above all, finding the balance between what we need our site to deliver and how fast we get it there.

As web creators, sometimes our mission is to blow our audience’s minds, but sometimes we’re risking speed. But this is precisely where creativity and ingenuity thrive — within limitations.

Related Link https://www.pressadvantage.com/story/43869-my-site-s-faster-offers-wordpress-speed-optimization-service

[ratnco]

How to Kill a Great Film in 2021

Good Films die every day in Hollywood. Contracts are written and thrown away, writers can be hired and fired as fast as old drafts can be thrown away and rewrites can be made days before production. And when that doesn’t stop a project from being a success, Producers can cut funding at the second to final lap around the track, locations can change, or in more recent cases, the entire world can change. 

But let’s pretend this pandemic isn’t currently still in effect and fast forward to 2023, when cinemas are open again (sadly not for the Cinerama Dome) and a new movie is released once a week and regardless of how much we enjoy it, we get to talk about it. In this fantasy land, let’s talk about the 5 ways you can kill a good movie before, while, or after Production…

Relationship between Director and Producer

Whenever the release of a certain cut of a film that isn’t what the Director intended on releasing makes its way to Theatres, the thing that comes to most people’s minds is ‘Studio Interference’. If you’re an aspiring filmmaker, writer or just a fan of Cinema in general, you’ve heard all of your favourite Filmmakers talk about how much they hate their Producers, you hear horror stories about the un creative old rich man trying to be creative, forcing their bad ideas onto a project and thinking they have creative control because they’re funding it. And a lot of those stories are true, but is that really all? Are Studios really that mean? Even so, there was still a moment where the Producer sat down with the Director and said ‘I like your project, let’s make it.’ So they can’t be that terrible. 

The truth to this problem lies at that meeting. Whatever the problem is that the studio, Director or Crew will find themselves knee deep in down the road, its source will be born on the desk where that meeting takes place. The Producer may have bad, unoriginal ideas and is just out to make bank on your project, and you may be an unknown indie-filmmaker just trying to find an outlet for your talented voice, but as different as these two forces are, they need each other to survive. A Producer needs a film to be successful in every theatre in the country in order to keep their business alive, and the Filmmaker needs to successfully capture their vision onto screen so they can share it with audiences around the globe, and that won’t happen without Studio Funding, and the Film won’t be made without a Filmmaker. 

So what happens if you don’t get along, if the Producer changes their mind on the casting for the main character, or the third act of the script? Do you just say ‘Yes’ or ‘Fuck off!’? It’s up to the Filmmaker, but either answer won’t produce a good Film. 

Another thing you’ll probably find in common with any Director whose movies have suffered a great deal of box office failure to what they claim is Studio interference, is that they hate producers, they say mean things about them during interviews and they establish bad relationships with Hollywood, and more often than not, their line up of upcoming projects grows thinner and thinner as the years go by. 

A Filmmaker shouldn’t be surprised when they have a hard time getting their films made when this is how they treat the people funding them. As attached as you are to the movie you’re making, getting your film properly released involves your key role in a game that must be played, and played extremely well. If you have a disagreement with somebody, is the most wise next step to scream in their face? No. If you’d like somebody to see your point of view, it’s done only by a genuine back and forth dialogue, allowing both parties to level with one another, acknowledging each other’s perspectives and reaching a common goal they can both agree on. 

A Filmmaker can still receive these requests and still say no and still have a great relationship with their Producers, it all comes down to the trust you establish with your collaborators, and yes, they are collaborators. 

Not Getting Final Cut

Reason number two is exclusively caused by reason number 1; Getting the Final Cut for your film means that you alone have creative control over what the version of the movie you’ll one day be showing to audiences will look like. If you’re passionate about how you're going to eventually show your story to an audience, this is pretty important, as failure to do so will result in a version of your film reaching audiences that you did not play much of a role in. 

Nobody wants somebody to take something they’ve made and turn it into something else entirely. If you’d like to see a prime example of this, watch Natural Born Killers. One of the most talked about Tarantino films isn’t even really a Tarantino film. ‘You don’t fuck with my material’, Quentin Tarantino told Oliver Stone when handing over his original script, to which Oliver and his team responded by taking his characters and plot and flipping it on its head, creating a new film that doesn’t even come close to resembling what Tarantino originally wrote, to which Tarantino responded by requesting his name be taken off of the writer’s credits.

How the Director Controls a Set. 

When a Film is made, hundreds of people are involved other than the Filmmakers, Producers and their cast, there’s also a massive crew who must be considered. If you’re a Director, all of these people are working for you, which means you’re also responsible for feeding them, managing how fast or how slow they work, and their overall mindsets while making a movie and if you at any point assume that these decisions play a key role in the result of the final product, just walk into any retail store and see what happens when a Staff is treated poorly by its managers. 

I’m glad I brought up Quentin Tarantino, because the Writer/Director has a very interesting rule on all of his sets: No Cellphones. At the door of a Tarantino set, a ‘Checkpoint Charlie’ will retrieve your device and give it back to you at the end of the day or in case of emergency. On Top of that, there are speakers planted on set, blasting music, chosen by Tarantino for the cast and crew to listen to while working. What results is a very chatty cast and crew, forced to engage each other in between takes or set ups, rehearsing lines and enjoying and embracing the atmosphere rather than trying to escape it. QT also has another very interesting rule: No Sleeping. But breaking this rule won’t result in death, only something worse… Floating around the internet is a photo of Brad Pitt and other Cast members of past Tarantino Films with a giant purple Dildo held against their sleeping faces on set. Morale is key. 

Marketing

When shooting's wrapped, editing is almost complete, and everyone involved is very excited and thrilled that the release of their movie has met and maybe even exceeded expectations, now it’s time to release it. But to make sure that goes smoothly, you’ll need to advertise it so that people will know about it. 

Which means it’s time to make your trailer. Making a trailer involves just as much writing as the birth of the Final Draft of your Screenplay.. The Filmmaker has a chance here to control how the future audience of their movie will perceive their story, how they absorb it and how they will use that information to make a decision on whether or not they’ll leave their house to go see it. 

Here’s another place where studio interference may come into play. Say you’ve got a 3 hour long Western Drama that you’re trying to advertise, but the studio says that since this is a slightly more niche genre of cinema, and given the runtime it would be more wise to make the trailer feel rather fast paced and action packed, containing loud and fast music and sounds of gunshots and screaming! That way when people at home view it, they’ll feel excited, their hearts are racing because you've tapped into a very common human emotion that everybody on the planet could respond to: excitement. 

Sure, this approach may sell a lot of seats on opening night, but what will the rest of opening weekend look like? Chances are, pretty blique. Because your Western Drama may indeed be a beautifully executed masterpiece filled with tension and tear jerkers, but the problem you’ll now face is that all of the people who went to see your movie left their houses because they’re big fans of high octane action films and that’s exactly what they were expecting when they came to see your movie. But that’s not what they got, so now they’re upset. 

One thing that a lot of Producers today won’t admit is that a Film may not be for everybody, and that’s okay. Because rather than marketing to a broad selection of people who may or may not like your movie, your Audience will do a better job at championing your Film if you chose to only Market to the people who will want to go see it. Even if these numbers are fewer, if those people really enjoy your movie, they’ll do the rest of the marketing for you, which will get you an even bigger fanbase, which can maybe even turn into a cult following. The long term success of what you release will have a major effect on your ability to control future releases. The battles you fight now will win you the war of your career as a filmmaker. 

As frustrating, controlling and sometimes crazy Hollywood can be to its Talent, at the end of the day, it's only an outlet for voices looking to speak out, it’s a malleable mechanism used by all of us, and without us it wouldn’t survive and vise versa, so we coexist. Any Film can be a great Film, but aspiring talent may not like to hear that talent will only put words on a page or a subject in frame, the true impact of what you create comes down to something as simple as knowing how to talk to people who aren’t like you, a method also referred to as ‘empathy.’ 

By Ezra Crittenden

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House Reviews: The Loudest Thanksgiving

It’s almost Thanksgiving! And a vastly diffrent one than in recent memory: Most of us are slimming down family gatherings to just whose in our house, you know because theirs a pandemic going on and it’s not worth risking your life for it. To those either guilting their families into it or doing so because MAGa or some such I only have this to say. 

Speaking of Black Friday i’ts spread over a week and it’s cyber deals mean I got a ton of graphic novels for a dollar a piece and my christmas shopping almost done. So in other words, boo Maga, yay safe and responsible captalisim.  But while the holiday may be diffrent, as well as the pseudo holiday attached that spawned a wonderful musical and many many injuries, one thing stays the same; Holiday Episodes. And despite being the less popular of the three holidays, Thanksgiving still produced tons of great holiday episodes and specials. And with everything being so busy I simply didn’t put too much thought into what to do for Turkey Day.. well okay the day proper i’m going to eat, spend time with family and watch a bunch of mystery science theater 3000, stay the course even in these troubling times, just with only the 4 other people who live in my house. But in terms of episodes I thought i had nothing.. then I started actually thinking on it and what do you know I have three things I want to do for the holiday, though one might wait till next year, and possibly a fourth. But given my workload currently, i’m not one to back away from a challenge, so welcome to a three or four course meal of reviews. First course: The Loud House thanksgiving special, the loudest thanksgiving.  I originally wasn’t going to do this one, mostly because due to my large workload and constant battle with procastination, I keep having to push back the latest episode review, and I have to do that one soon, as there’s a new episode in december and a christmas episode i’ve put off watching for far too long , as I INTENDED to watch eleven louds a leapin for every chirstmas up till now and never got to it before the season was over.  But just like elven louds.. Nick forced my hand.. and by that I mean the SPINOFF got a thanksgiving episode that’s also a sequel in some fashion to this episode. If I wanted to cover that episode this thanksgiving or the next I had to at least watch the original. And frankly, this close to the holiday there was no reason not to review it. So with that out of the way. 

Let’s Get At Er. This is The Loudest Thanksgiving... after the break

The Loudest Thanksgiving takes place during season 3, and still pre-casagrandes spinoff launch despite the christmas special taking place earlier. This is actually easy to explain: The Loud House runs on Comic Strip time... i.e. the characters don’t age unless the writers decide they do. But while the spinoff was in motion at this point, it was still a season off airing wise, and ill advised raitings stunt mini series wise, so in order to keep the Casagrandes fresh in people’s minds presumably, they did a crossover that at this point wasn’t a crossover but now technically is because the show exists but this existed before the show. 

It’s just a show, and I should really just relax. Point is this is a pre-crossover crossover, the two families meet for the first time, the man already said pitter patter, let’s get back at er.  So we open with Flip serving as our magical snowman narrator and regaling us with the tale of steven. Every compastionate can you imagine it... and i’m fucking with you, it’s of course abotu that time the louds and the casagrandes tried having thanksgiving together. 

We then cut to Lori and Bobby being all cute, as usual, and both talking over the phone as each show off their thanksgivings to each other and the enusing family shenanigans. On Lori’s side Lynn is wearing baggy pants so she dosen’t miss the game or the meal by going to the bathroom.. because that’s how pissing yourself works. Look if your going to do something that gross, stupid and broish just woman up and wear an adult diaper. The twins are guarding Lynn sr and the food, poorly, and Lisa has invented a Gravy Squriting robot. I can only see this ending one way. 

Yeah those single function robots really get useless once the exestnetial crisis kicks in. 

On the casagrandes side, Rosa is likewise guarding her kitchen, Frida is painting and Hector plans to sernade eveyrone because Hector is the best and you all should know that. Even with the recent Bobby Abuse he’s still awesome. As for the Mercado, CJ and Ronnie Anne are running the annual canned food drive because CJ is better than the best and should really be used more often.  Both wish they could be there.. and both honestly talk about possibly spending thanksgiving with each other and just one of their family. It’s not a wild proposition: Both are going to college soon, both are in a longterm relationship.. they plan to get married down the line for now. If things hold they will eventually have to figure this out. Of course rather than fate let them figure this out themselves, Hector overhears on Bobby’s end and Lincoln, whose busy A Clock Work Oranging himself so he can stay awake during dinner, overhears on Loris, leading to an emergency family meeting for both sides.  Both families are worried their prospective teenager going to another house of their longterm significant other for one year will mean they get all the holidays. Having never had a relationship last long enough to worry about this, I don’t quite get it as in my experince watching couples juggle this.. they usually just alternate years, spoilers the solution the episode goes with, or trade off christmas and thanksgiving, both fair solutions. Buuut as much as this bothered me at first the more I thought about it the more it actually made sense: People.. aren’t always rational and won’t always do the smart or correct thing, especially when it comes to their children. And with Lori leaving college and the casagrandes being togehter for thanksgiving for the first time in about 5 years, with both ronnie anne and her mom not having had a proper one in some time due to her mom needing to work thanksgiving, presumibly because of the eternal curse of gravy chugging contests, they have valid emotional reasons to go a bit nuts and do some irrational and assholish things. They just don’t want to loose their big sister and big brother, and that’s fair. It may not be at all accurate but it’s fair. 

So thus began the great Guilt Off of 2018. ON the Loud side they START with a fairly soft pitch, the twins simply offer her food early, and she takes it because honestly I would too. Then again, i’d also take free food in just about any situation, so i’m not really a good gage for this. As long as it’s not poision i’ll probably eat it if it’s free. The next two are a little.. less subtle, with the kids talking about Lori’s roll in the annual thanksgiving skit.. which I’m assuming is soley for Lynn Sr. as no one else seems to be going to their thanksgiving. Which granted theirs valid explinations for why their neighbors didn’t go, the mcbrides and mr grouse have their own families and while Mr Grouse rarely gets to see his, he now has neighborly friends after the last holiday special happy to help. But Pop Pop.. makes no sense as his girlfriend, the only plausable reason he wouldn’t be there, was said to not have much family in her debut. So he’s just.. absent from thanksgiving for no reason. Thena gain we later find out this play is movie length, so maybe he was just trying to escape that which in that case, who can blame him. Rita almost reigns things back in with the mother’s trump card: parental guilt. Almost. She then almost crushes lori’s hand but it’s funny enough.  At the Casagrandes, their opening move is largely the same only Rosa wins in terms of execution, cooking up some of bobby’s faviorites to specificially target him. Frida paints him into a painting, again the Casagrandes win his one in terms of effort. They do tie in the last bit, as Maria and Ronnie Anne try the same sort of guilt slining with the same bone crushing.  Eventually both teens get fed up with the next bit; For Lori, Lucy gives her a long overdramatic poem about an empty chair which is easily tied with one bit later for best bit of hte episode.. which granted when I can only think of two or three gags that really made me laugh...

Bobby likewise gets Hector telling the story about a realitvie not going to thanksgiving. Both get angry.. which for Lori, isn’t all that suprising, if entirely warranted. For Bobby though? It’s like pissing off a dolphin. IT’s hard to do and very much not something you want to actually pull of. Both families are forced to admit they eavesdropped, and are incredibly worried about this whole situation, with Lynn Sr selling lincoln up the river for telling them... this man’s capacity for selling out his children is as awe insprising as it is truly pathetic. 

So the two teens go back to their rooms to figure something out and come upon a reasonable solution: just have one of the families host and both come to it. That’s more than fair. But given we still have a full special to pad out, both families are still treating this like a competion: while the louds win the coin toss, both sides are determined to win thanksgiving. IT’s far from the most insane contest i’ve seen this month, x of swords was happening and i’ve seen a russian yank a goblin out of the demonic alligator skin he was using as a puppet. And we don’t know for sure Arrakoa and Krakoa didn’t have a trial over a baby turkey being adorable as one of the challenges. Other challenges included getting drunk, an eating contest, telling someone to murder a kitten and a wedding, all of this is actual stuff that happened in this recent crossover, I have made up nothing. 

So after the break and Flip realizing oh shit the audience is back, the war begins. The Louds are preparing for war, with Lola putting out a picture of herself instead of bobby and laurie because of course.. still not a half bad gag. The Casagrandes arrive and in in a passive agressive move that was already done a year before this special by Brooklyn Nine Nine and better, brought their own food.. though the roast pig is a nice and unique touch. Points for that.  And this.. is where the special gets tedious. Yeah while the IDEA of this episode was really good and I was excited to cover it in practice it’s just similar gags on both sides done for both halves: The first being “let’s guilt them into staying” and the second being “Let’s one up each other” with only two bits really working: Frieda having a painting and the louds annual skit.  And the skit is because it raises a LOT of questions: Why is it 90 minutes, who played the adorable turkey in the years between babies? Was it just whoever was youngest? Who wrote this? Who is this for besides Lynn Sr and Pop Pop? Who all has sat through this thing at some point? Is that why the mcbrides don’t come over for thanksgiving? It’s just.. fantastic is what i’m saying.  

But otherwise this part is just the family trying to one up each other with food, or toasts, or song, before devolving into a big fight. What makes it not work is.. there isn’t a lot of personality there. You have these two big, plentiful, intresting casts, even at this stage with the Casagrandes far less established and fleshed out. And instead of finding interesting ways for them to play off one another meeting for the first time, and to use that to also flesh the characters out more for the inevitable spinoff, it’s just 

For most of the second half. Thankfully it DOES manage to bring things around as after things degenerate into a food fight, the families decide to just ASK the two of them where they want to go.. and find them entirely missing.  It then turns out, in a nice twist, this is where Flip came in. Since his place is the only place open 24/7 and 365, barring fishing season, Bobby and Lori fled here to flee their insane families.. who then follow them there because Carlos and Lisa have them chipped. I was suprised at first Carlos had a tracker on bobby but honestly, i’ts just common sense. The man is like a golden retriver in a man’s body. Here’s an artists interpretation

Both families breifly bicker before Lori and Bobby announce their starting their own family thankgiving with blackjack, and hookers. They really shouldn’t of let Flip in on the brainstorming session. Both families don’t want that, and apologize, admitting they just didn’t want to loose them and both genuinely offering to let the other have them next year. Flip, who despite having a “pay for my colonoscopy jar” with a picture of his ass on it, is somehow the voice of reason and just suggests trading thanksgivings every year, everyone accepts, and we do get a genuinely heartwarming ending of both sides gathering everything for a gas station thanksgiving. Honestly reminds me of king of the hill’s airport episode, but in a very good way and still unique enough circumstances to work.Also Flip, of all people, donates the cans needed to finish the can drive.. granted i’m not sure if they WANT any of that meat, but hey, he meant well and it made me really like the character.  We get a heartwearming duet between hector and luna and sono the whole family and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This was disapointing. I’ve listed most of my complaints already, but overall it wasted a good premise of two families coming together, and even the feud parts could’ve been funnier. As it is it’s just.. ehhhhhhhhhh. It has some good parts, and bobby is an angel here on earth as always. But the whole just feels padded. Like this was SUPPOSED to just be 11 minutes, got bumped up, and thus here we are. It’s not the worst Loud House has done, i’ve seen and heard of muccch worse, but for a holiday special it just feels stale and i’ve seen way better thanksgiving specials. And i’ll be getting to that.  If there’s an episode of a cartoon you’d like me to cover, just pop in my ask box or dms and you can comission a review for 5 bucks a piece. Discounts on bulk, 15 for movies. Until then , happy thanksgiving.

[find-your-sunspot]

Chapter I - 3:30 PM

Chieko opened her eyes in a groan of fatigue. Oh, I fell asleep ... I wonder how much time has passed. The realization that someone had come in her sleep to light another incense made her blood run cold. A thousand and one scenarios swirled around in her head, as she straightened up to look around. What  happened ?? What did they come to do ? After spending several minutes frantically touching her body, she finally calmed down with a sigh. Nothing had been done to her in her sleep ; and that was enough to reassure her.

The sky, which was still very pale before, had seen itself covered with a veil of cerulean blue, dotted here and there with clouds. Surprisingly gray clouds for the season ; the month of June had been mild and pleasant. Maybe a summer rain will fall soon. I hope, it is always enjoyable. The landscape is so stunning afterwards !

Without letting her smile fade, Chieko retrieved her phone, which she had left on the nightstand, to open the RFA app. It was three-thirty, and the Minister was hungry. The thought of a good snack made her stomach growl ; and even more so when she began to smell a faint smell of strawberry cake. I don't think it's in their best interests to poison me. I should go and see where the smell is coming from. I can't remember the last time I ate.

No sooner had she left her room than she found herself in a hallway decorated like a castle. Marble floors, fresh peonies, thick curtains tied with pretty golden ribbons, but most of all chandeliers hanging on the wall at equal distance from each other. While in awe of all the decorations, she took some time before noticing a young man with blackish hair waving to her. He doesn't seem mean, just... a little funny ? I don't know, he looks nice. Well, that doesn't mean I'm going to trust him.

<< ...Yes ?

-If you want some cake, you better wait in your room for them to come and give them to you ! >>

And, without saying anything more, this funny young man gave her another wave before disappearing at the junction of the hallways, chasing someone running. But what is their problem, anyway ? Why are they behaving like this with me ?

Still, Chieko decided to trust him on this one and reluctantly returned to his room. He is probably right. It's not a good idea for me to get out of here. I'm pretty sure this Saeran would kill me if he found out. However, I remain convinced that it is not him who is in charge of this place.

Back in her princess bedroom, she pulled one of the two armchairs around the pedestal table and sat down in silence. Thinking about how to get out of here, she remembered the information she had obtained about this place, as Minister of Justice. I am probably in the headquarters of this cult called "Mint Eye". Obviously, I was kidnapped here, but not because of my research. And judging the reactions of the members of the RFA, no announcement concerning my disappearance was made… But I should have expected it. I can only count on myself to get out of this.

As she was about to continue torturing her mind with those, her phone vibrated and a notification popped up on her screen. "New Chatroom" ! A slight smile curved around the corner of her lips, and she finally opened the app.

Yoosung 🌟 : Oh, hi, Jaehee, Chieko !!

Jaehee Kang : Hello, both of you.

Chieko : Hi ! :) How are you ?

Yoosung 🌟: Good ! Finally, I’m super restless. I couldn't concentrate at all in class. Too excited !

Jaehee Kang : Is it because of the Minister coming to our chatroom ?

Yoosung 🌟 : Yes ! I mean… Someone who knew Rika that we weren't aware of ?? It gives me so much hope to know more about her..!!

Jaehee Kang : Ah, theoretically, Mr. Han knows her. And from what I could understand, Luciel and V do too.

Chieko : Yes, that's right… I knew Luciel when he was younger, and I had the opportunity to meet V before I parted ways with Rika.

Jaehee Kang : If you are comfortable enough, would you mind telling us how you got to know Rika ?

Yoosung 🌟 : Oh, I was going to ask the same question ! She never told us about you.

Chieko : Of course. We left each other on… Bad terms ? Well. We got to know each other at church. We lived there for a few months.

Yoosung 🌟 : Living there ??

Jaehee Kang : I heard that homeless people can take refuge in church, yes.

Chieko : That's right. Oh, now that I think about it, I probably got the photos back on my phone. Just a second, please..

Jaehee Kang : I didn't know Rika had lived in church, to be honest.

Yoosung 🌟 : Me neither… I thought she had moved from her parents' place to V's directly.

After searching for a few moments in her phone's gallery, Chieko finally found the photo she was looking for. She, Rika, and another girl, holding hands right outside the church door. All three looked tired, but mostly they wore shy smiles. Nothing of the Rika that the RFA knew ; but also nothing of the Chieko that South Korea knew. Rika kept her hair plaited, and played nervously with one of her locks, while Chieko struggled to stand up because she was too skinny. And she, who always made a point of keeping her hair maintained, had let it go, in such a messy way, but also and above all as white as her sickly skin. The other girl, meanwhile, was also not in great physical shape, and wore a poorly executed bob cut.

Chieko : No, she stayed… Almost a year there before she met V and left.

Jaehee Kang : … Wow, this photo is odd to look at…

Yoosung 🌟 : How come Rika is like that ?? She does not look alike ....

Chieko : That's what I told you, she was such a strong woman. She has changed so much since the last time I saw her.

Jaehee Kang : … So you too, I think. I don’t know more about you, but... If you went from being a refugee in the church to being a justice minister, you had to work a lot.

Yoosung 🌟 : It is true that it is impressive !! You are a role model for a lot of people here!

Chieko : Ah, really ? I tend to see what the people blame me for...

Jaehee Kang : Ah, I can relate. ;-;;

Yoosung 🌟 : Waaah, you scare me for the future life.

Chieko : Don't worry, you'll be fine ! You seem like a young boy with lots of potential.

Yoosung 🌟 :… Oh, that's super flattering from you ! ^//^

Jaehee Kang : It is true that you can feel honored, Yoosung... It is very gratifying.

Chieko :  Ha, it's no big deal... That is just my opinion. I don’t have any special qualifications to say that, I’m just telling you how I feel seeing you. :)

Yoosung 🌟 : Thank you then ! :D

Jaehee Kang : Well, having that cleared up ... Yoosung, you said you couldn't concentrate in class, is that right ?

Yoosung 🌟 : Yes… I'm spending time on my phone, hoping not to get caught. QwQ

Jaehee Kang : Yoosung, it's a bit... ;-;;

Chieko : Ha, even if you need to follow your class, feeling low one afternoon isn’t going to fail your schooling. Try to drink some water and get out for some fresh air ! It looks like it's going to rain soon. I don't know about you, but I find the summer rains soothing. :)

Jaehee Kang : … It is going to rain, you say ? However, the sky is perfectly clear in Seoul.

Yoosung 🌟 : That's right, the sun is burning my eyes and my teacher won't close the shutters ;-;

Chieko : … Oh, that's weird then. Excuse me. Either way, the intent remains the same. Just hanging out in your school grounds might relax you a bit, Yoosung.

Jaehee Kang : It is true that just for an afternoon it'll be fine… You obviously won't be able to concentrate today, so you should at least pay attention to your sanity. :)

Chieko : And I'll try to answer as many of your questions as possible so that you can concentrate in class tomorrow !

Jaehee Kang : It is true that it would help us a lot... Even if you already have the trust of Mr. Han, I would like us to be able to get rid of all the suspicions about you as soon as possible.

Yoosung 🌟 :… I was going to say something about V, but I think I'll take your advice and hang out for a bit ! ;-;;

Chieko : That's the spirit, Yoosung ! Don't think about what hurts you, and take some quality time for yourself.

Yoosung 🌟 : Thank you girls… have a nice day ! :D

Yoosung has left the chatroom.

Jaehee Kang : It is nice to see Yoosung active again… He had been in a lethargic state since Rika's death.

Chieko : Were they that close?

Jaehee Kang : Yes… Rika was her cousin, and I think he was the person she was closest to, after V, of course.

Chieko : … I imagine the distress he must have felt, indeed. But as tragic as her death is... We have to help him move forward. We cannot let him lock himself in mourning. Neither do you, either.

Jaehee Kang : … It is nice to want to do such a thing, but it's also very daring. We were all greatly impacted by her death, but it's nothing compared to V… Well, time is the answer, I guess.

Chieko : Time doesn't cure everything. Sometimes you have to agree to get help.

Jaehee Kang : … That is probably true. Thanks, Chieko.

Chieko : Thanks to you, Jaehee ! I enjoyed our conversation. :)

Jaehee Kang : I enjoyed it as well. If you will excuse me...

Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom.

Chieko has left the chatroom.

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard a knock on her door. Chieko then turned her curious eyes in the direction of the noise ; and  discovered a frail young girl advancing to the pedestal table. Without saying a word, she carefully came to deposit a piece of an appetizing strawberry shortcake in front of the Minister. But it was with even more special care that she made sure not to meet Chieko's gaze.

Still, what beautiful eyes she had. Mint blue, just like Saeran. Maybe it's his little sister ? They look a lot alike, and it's not her white hair that makes me think otherwise. What struck the little Minister the most, however, was the young lady's thinness, which was still apparent, despite the loose tunic she wore.

<< … Miss ? >>

After what seemed like an eternity to both of them, the young girl finally raised her head to stare Chieko straight in the eyes. A gaze so deep it almost seemed to be probing the entirety of her soul. And this sensation made her shiver all the more ; definitely, she felt helpless in front of such an unsettling pair of eyes. But ironically, she didn't think them as threatening, on the contrary. They were just blessed with disarming sincerity.

<<… You are in danger here. I will come back as soon as possible. In the meantime, do not accept food or drink from anyone other than me.

- ... Wait, why is that ? >> Chieko felt her throat tighten into a lump that choked her own voice. << Why would I believe you, anyway ?

- ... I can't take any longer than that now. I will come back at night. I count on your discretion. >>

Chieko thought she could discern, for a fraction of a second, a sympathetic smile burning the lips of the young girl. No, I must be dreaming. I'd better wait to find out more before rushing to conclusions. A poorly mastered curtsy and a brief wave later, she had already left her room, going out of sight, even from the hallway.

Who was she ? How many are there here ? Were my sources about  this cult reliable ? Or are they well over a thousand ? These questions danced in a loop in her head. Like a three-beat waltz. Calculated, repeated, endless movements. Movements that would continue indefinitely if she did not end them herself. Which she finally did, firmly planting her spoon in the cake. Yes, maybe this cake is poisoned. But if I ask myself too many questions, I will not eat, and I will starve sooner or later. 

[incorrect-pokespe-quotes]

I read every single Emerald fic on FFN so you don’t have to

There are 66 fics with Emerald listed in the tags. 

First, I took out any fic that was either not in English or actually gameverse, leaving me with 38 fics-- though I will say, the Spanish fics look like they slap

After filtering out “everyone appears” fics (I skimmed them to make sure) I was left with 26 fics. (While I would like to include “everyone appers” fics, I do not have the time nor motivation to read 30,000 words of derring-do and melodramatic heroics seventeen times in a row for Emerald to show up, deliver 2 lines, shoot something, and leave)

From there, I sorted them into various categories based on whether Emerald was a BG character or not, whether the fic had romance, whether Emerald was actually PART of that romance, etc. Then, finally, I was ready. 

Below the cut are the reviews of all twenty six fanfictions!

Category 1: BG Emerald      Every fic needs side characters, whether to provide extra voices or comedic relief or just a foil for the MCs. These fics don’t feature Emerald in a huge capacity, but he’s there and that’s what matters to me. I came into this site expecting anything: third wheel Rald, wingman Rald, Im-only-here-to-complain-about-your-flirting-Rald... I found everything but! It seems the most cliche writers among us don’t like using the Emerald tag, bc the few Frantic-with-BG-Emerald fics with I did find turned out to be spectacular! I’m pleasantly surprised and impressed. 

1. That Special Someone - Team Cap      Cap is on this list like 30 times so get used to it. This fic is mostly about Ruby refusing to shut up about Sapphire and how much he loves her (and how Emerald finds it infuriating). The details of this fic are super cute and the way Ruby and Emerald interact added 3 years to my lifespan, so I highly recommend this one if you want a nice, relaxing read involving the Hoenn boys (dare I say best boys?). In short, read this fic and all of Cap’s other fics while you’re at it.

2. A Picnic - Team Cap      Oh look. It’s Cap again. This fic, surprise surprise, is also good, and while it’s a little more basic than the others (Emerald runs into Ruby/Sapphire at a park and they mess around), it’s still cute and I still love it! Not really much else to say here... but the fic is good and I recommend if you’re in for some light domestic reads. 

3. High Hopes and Checkered Skies - aromatisse      I’ll be honest: my general opinion of frantic fics with BG Emerald is... low. A lot of them shoehorn my poor boy into whatever the plot requires at the cost of his characterization but this fic really surprised me in the best way! This one features Sapphire bringing Ruby to a “special place” the two of them arguing, and Emerald having to patch things up (mature Emerald? I don’t believe it!!). I found this fic while making this list and immediately bookmarked it bc THIS SHIT GOOD FAM. Please read this. 

4. Alpha and Omega- Ruby and Sapphire's Thoughts - Shadoweevee70     Not much to say about this to be honest. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. No plot, no development, not even 500 words. Emerald has a line. I think two. 

5. Boundaries - Team Cap     This fic hurt my heart. Though it focuses on Wally’s one-sided crush on Sapphire, there’s a touch of Emerald in there acting as Wally’s emotional support buddy, which tells me that either Emerald has matured or Hoenn is just devoid of emotionally stable individuals. Regardless, this fic is heartbreaking and beautiful but contains very little Emerald, so therefore I have very little to review. In short... not a lot of Rald, but you should read it anyway. 

6. Summer Days - eonentity      Crystal and Silver go on a “date” and Gold + Emerald try and stop them. It’s cute, it’s honestly kind of creepy if you think about it, and it involves Emerald. While the premise is kind of sketch, the banter between Gold and Emerald is incredible and I really like the general progression of the plot (especially the ending!) This is a very cute fic if you’re looking for something simple to read. Highly recommend, utilizes Emerald as a character really well!

Category 3: MC Emerald (gen)       This... this is my bread and butter baby. These fics run the gamut from friendship to domestic to drabbles to angst and everything in between, but the gist of it is that it includes Emerald as a focus without pairing him off. Not to say this is my favorite category... but it is. I’m biased, sue me. 

1. Family Inclusion - Team Cap      They say to leave the best for last, but I disagree. You’ll realize pretty quickly that Cap is one of my favorite authors to appear in this tag, and this fic is one of her best! I’m focusing on Chapter 3 (that’s the part with Emerald) where he has to entertain a shiny baby Ralts while Ruby and Sapphire are away (everybody say awwww). The fic is stupid cute, and while it doesn’t really offer much in terms of character development or stakes, it’s the type of domestic fluff you can read over and over and still find just precious each and every time. Also... Emerald takes care of a baby pokemon how can you NOT love that. Seriously. Look at this. 

2. At the Amusement Park - Team Cap       Oh wow, another Cap fic I really like. What a surprise. I’m astounded /s. This fic focuses on Emerald’s dilemma of being short at a place where height restrictions mercilessly mock the vertically challenged and how he deals with it with the “help” of Ruby and Sapphire. Though there is background Frantic (which shouldn’t really come as a surprise), this fic mostly focuses on Emerald’s insecurities and his relationship with the trio. It’s introspective, it’s wholesome, I’ve read it six or seven times (I lost count). Regardless, it’s good, and like every other Cap fic on this list, I demand you read it. That is a threat. 

3. Frantic Fight - Puph17      Any fic that drops a line like “margarine is in vogue” within the first three lines is immediately propelled to my top ten fics of all time list and this is clearly no exception. Despite the name, this isn’t franticshipping, just Ruby and Sapphire bickering and Emerald / Wally being annoyed about it. This fic, hands down, is one of the funniest pieces of fanfiction I’ve ever read on this godforsaken site. I am begging you to read this fic, if not for Emerald with a megaphone for the sheet amount of laughter it will cause. This fic may not be deep but it sure as hell is hysterical. ... Well, what are you waiting for? Why are you still here? Go read the fic, we’re wasting daylight. 

4. Weird War - storm-aurora      This is another fic I think I’ve probably read a dozen times and refuse to get tired of. Emerald and Sapphire are having a paintball fight in Slateport market, and I literally could not ask for a better friendship fic. The writing is high quality, the characters are very accurate (altho bc this is fanfic it doesn’t matter all that much), the friendships feel real, they’re having a paintball war.... everything about this is ideal. This is the quality content I live for. Please PLEASE read this fic, you’ll be happy you did. Close this tab and go read it immediately for your sake and mine. 

5. Skydrop - ayasato      Not a lot of people write about Emerald. The ones that do, for whatever reason, seem to do it very, VERY well. This fic, which is so long it might as well be considered an epic, is probably the piece de resistance of Emerald friendship fics. While not as snappy or funny or domestic as some of the other fics in this list, it more than makes up for it with a beautifully built slowburn friendship between Emerald and Sapphire, my favorite take on his living situation I’ve ever seen, and enough introspection to make your high school English teacher swoon. This fic is a must for any Emerald fan, even if it takes like an hour to read in full. It may be long but it’s magnificent.

6. Croissant Kings - ayasato      The fact that this fic is discontinued is irrefutable proof that this is the timeline god abandoned. Emerald and Pearl running a croissant stand is quite possibly the single most absurd fic concept I’ve ever heard but... it works. Somehow? It works. This fic is perhaps, hands down, one of the most ridiculously entertaining concepts and executions I have ever seen in my life. Everything about it, from the setup to the writing to just Emerald being Emerald is so raw and so ridiculous that I smile fondly when I think of it. I wish there were more than 3 chapters, however...

7. Perfect - Micah Debrink      I’m gonna be straight with y’all: I don’t like this fic. I’m not too sure what the plot is, and it was certainly an interesting read, but not my cup of tea. It’s good, don’t get me wrong; the writing is mature, very well paced, and overall well-written, but something about the characterizations is just not vibing with me. Thus, I’m not gonna pretend I thought this fic was perfect (har har) but I will say it’s something you should give a try. I’m admittedly a very biased party, so maybe you’ll enjoy this fic more than I did. For sure give it a shot, because maybe you’ll like it more than I did. This ain’t my jam, but it’s quality preserves nonetheless.

8. Roost - ayasato      This is short and sweet and may have some Sapphire/Emerald crushing if you squint, but overall a fun read. Very short, very good, give it a shot. This author is very high quality and that’s that on that. 

9. One Day - Jian-Kenkoku      This is short yet again but has a super interesting (if poorly explained) premise: Emerald gets adopted by Gold / his mom! This short oneshot details his first day, and while it is a tad rushed, it gives me the Emerald family content I have been sorely lacking. Not sure if this is one of my “reread until my eyes bleed” fics, but it’s certainly worth the trouble of reading through! It’s very cute and I recommend!

10. Emerald: Lying to Himself - reminiscent-afterthought        Very poetic and extremely well-written, but less than 200 words. This fic took me thirty seconds to read and it feels like time well spent. Please read it, even if for the sole reason that it’s super short. It’s also a super poetic way to talk about the Emerald arc. 

11. Go Away Gold! - jayfeatherelle      Ah yes, the “little brother enlists the help of a prankster to keep apart his sister and her boyfriend” trope... This may be cliche, but it sure as hell was enjoyable! Emerald enlists the help of Meddler Blue (side note: where did this trope come from bc she never does anything in canon that would be qualified as meddling other than just messing with Red at any given opportunity). Anyway, this fic is adorable, has a lesson at the end (that surprised me), had a really mature conclusion, and gave me Blue / Emerald friendship I really didn’t know I needed. In short? This is a cliche done well. It’s predictable, sure, but that’s not a bad thing! If anything, it’s a great nostalgic read. 

12. What if: Emerald never met Crystal - LetEveryoneOveraRip        This fic stole the last little bit of hope I didn’t even know I still had. You thought it couldn’t get more violent or sad? You were wrong. Everyone dies. This fic made me sad for like 45 minutes and I feel emotionally manipulated. I guess I should have seen this coming. Not much else to say except that this fic made me really sad, which, of course it did, but I still feel cheated out of a happy ending regardless. 

13. Emerald Owner’s Guidance and Maintenance Manual - Pokerescue18    Nothing happens in this fic. It’s literally an instruction manual and it’s well written and all but also has no plot. It is quite literally what it says in the title, so perhaps this should have been obvious but even still, I was left confused after reading this. I think I need a nap. 

14. Through My Eyes - Kaith1    Relationship angst that hurt my heart. This is less than 400 words so again, took me only around a minute to leave but the emotional impact scarred me for life. Very well done! This fic details Emerald’s inner turmoil as Gold and Crystal get together and Emerald worries he’ll be abandoned again. While I do feel like Emerald hating the two of them for getting together is a little ehhh, this fic does a great job of showing why Emerald would be so upset about it and his inner motivations for being so hurt by it. While I don’t agree, the author made me “get it” a little more, and for that I say bravo! 

15. At the Fair - IanDonyer      This one is short and focuses on Emerald meeting a security guard at a Halloween fair kinda deal. It’s also one of the first Emerald fics on FFN, released far before the remakes even came out! While obviously it doesn’t contain much in terms of character development, it also was written with only the Emerald arc to go off of-- so I can easily overlook any character inconsistencies. That being said, this fic is really cute and uses the OC pov really well! If you’re looking for a blast from the past, check this fic out! 

Category 4: Emerald shipping fics      On the rare occasion where the blue moon hangs melancholy in the sky, the planets align, and starlight rains down from the heavens... someone ships Emerald with another character. Romantically. Not sure where the aversion to shipping him came from, but for whatever reason everyone prefers him single. These authors, these brave knights, they’re changing that. Hell yeah for romance. 

1. Left Out - RedCharmeleon       Not to be like “this fic is painfully straight...” but yknow. Emerald is upset at Gold/Crystal’s wedding because he’s the only single one and needs a girlfriend. There’s also a “what are you, gay?” joke in here, which soured my mood for the rest of the fic. I’ll be honest, I never really liked the “all male protag / female protag ships and then taking Silver, Pearl, and Emerald and pairing them off with OCs” deal, so I’m heavily biased against this fic, but the writing is decent and the plot is fine. If you enjoy this style of plot (everyone needs to be paired up, blushing galore, love at first sight, everyone acts like they stumbled out of a hallmark movie script) then this is the fic for you!

2. Glances - Diemerald      A collection of drabbles about Emerald and Wally becoming friends and falling in love. I’ve read it seven times now. While the plot is a tad disjointed because of the format, this author really NAILS Emerald’s character. Emerald (and Wally) show a lot of growth between the snippets and god it’s so beautiful I need more of it. Please read this fic. Tell your neighbors about this fic. This fic is fantastic. 

2. Revolvershipping Cuddles - Charmerruby     You’re never gonna guess what this one is about. It’s very cute but it’s literally just fluff. Very cute, like marshmallows. This is kinda short so there isn’t really much to say, but I will am starving for Emeruby content, so though this be but little, it be fierce. And fluffy. Did I mention cute? This fic is so filled with love my heart grew three sizes after reading it. I could keep calling it adorable, but I don’t think that’s productive. Spend the time reading this fic instead. 

3. Misunderstandings - Pokeluv101      Reading this was very weird because I know the person who made the OC the story is centered around. Reading even the names thrust me so violently back into my middle school days I can almost taste the edge. It’s very good, and I suggest giving it a read even if you’re not a huge dexholder/OC fan. Also tsun Emerald is good Emerald. 

4. Unexpected - Diemerald     A fic about Emerald and Yellow falling in love. Not exactly my cup of tea so I skimmed it but this author is really good so it’s a great fic, even if it’s not to my tastes. I suggest giving it at least a once over because this author worked hard and I respect them, even if this isn’t really... my thing. Check it out!

5. Big Changes - Aquatales     You know how I said I would read every Emerald fic? I lied. This one is about Emerald getting genderbent and immediately shipped with Wally against his will by his friends. Reading the summary gave me hives and I could not bring myself to read it in full.

Final Thoughts      While I’ll be honest and say that I did find some of the the cliche fics I was expecting, I was incredibly and happily surprised to discover that more often than not, the people who bother to publish Emerald fics really care about his character and publish some pretty high quality stuff, and that’s pretty damn cool. There are shipping fics, BG Emerald fics, MC Emerald fics, and most of them are pretty fantastic! Way to go spe fandom writers, you did my boy justice, all..... 10 of you.

[ambthecreative]

DESTIEL RANT! Unpopular Opinion Time - The Scene was NOT Homophobic

Wow. It’s BEEN YEARS! And yet here I am again! I have returned to my Tumblr roots, rambling about Supernatural again! I have come full circle! Summoned by three words spoken by the Angel of the Lord we all knew and loved. But lets get down to business.  Everyone’s going crazy. They either loved it, hated it, loved/hated it, hated/loved it, etc.  Even people who never watched an episode felt the need to add their two cents without any context or with extreme bias.  So here’s the observations from a former Supernatural Fan and intense DESTIEL SHIPPER, but also one who has stopped watching it cause omfg it sucks so bad now. My bias comes from both angles and thus neutralizes each other out xD Obviously, spoilers for Episode 18 of Season 15 of Supernatural lay ahead.  ~~~

(TL;DR: The scene wasn’t bad because it was forced or homophobic. It was neither.  The scene was bad because of long term poor plotting, repetitive character arcs and horrendous timing and execution. That said, my shipping heart is just happy that it happened at all. <3 ) ONWARDS! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets just get to the point. At first glance, that scene looks extremely homophobic and when it was first described to me (I haven’t watched the show since Season 9), it appears that is indeed the case.  And you can make a STRONG case for it to, if you watched that scene and knew of all the fucking queer bait we had to live through before getting here.  But I watched the entire episode. And I think this is key.  Cause while it’s easy to say its all homophobic, that’s not actually what was happening.  The truth is, the episode is a set up for the ending.  Sure it seems to be framed that Castiel is sent to the Empty for being gay, but that’s the bias talking.  Contextually, Castiel is sent to the Empty for being Truly Happy.  Also EVERYONE dies.  Funny how no one is up in arms that Charlie’s GF got poofed at the very start of the episode.  Not gay enough for it to count? Like she literally made her girlfriend breakfast and they were flirting, and boom she was gone FOREVER, not sent to a place where people have come back from before, but with NO EVIDENCE of them being alive at all.  Dead. Gone.  But no one says a damn thing.  And then EVERYONE died.  THEN Cas died.  And yet everyone got like temporary amnesia and its like, “CASTIEL WAS KILLED FOR BEING GAY!!!” That’s...not what happened tho.  What’s really sad is the moment with Castiel was actually a GREAT plot point/twist, if only they had done it better.  NO ONE would be saying SHIT if Castiel had been a woman. NO ONE.  Or at least, they would mostly see it as tragic than anything else.  But because Castiel is making a homosexual love confession, it must BE because he’s GAY! It’s really ironic.  Judging that scene as homophobic is ACTUALLY homophobic* (not really, but i can’t think of a better word).  Or at least you’re judging the scene by their sexuality and not by what is actually going on.  Now I remembered something after thinking about this scene for a while.  THIS PLOT POINT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE IN ANOTHER EVEN MORE ICONIC SHOW!!! Now bear with me cause I never watched the whole thing, only the bits and pieces my roommate shared with me.  But the whole “I am cursed to suffer a terrible fate if I ever experience true happiness” has been done before.  And where was that?

Spoilers for Buffy by the way.  SO! To all those who are still trying to spin this as platonic, you need to watch more shitty afterschool 90s supernatural TV shows.  In season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Buffy’s good vampire boyfriend, wakes up evil because he had a moment of true happiness.  And this dooms the couple.  NOW. Do you call this...heterophobia???? Oh I hear you! “But Angel didn’t die and he and Buffy got to be romantic and actually have sex before that shit went down! Not the same thing!” TRUE. I didn’t really bring this up to make an argument that the scene/show isn’t homophobic (or at least they are very uncomfortable with it), but rather I wanted to make a point that the PLOT POINT is not at all homophobic and is actually really awesome.  The issue with the scene is the execution.  That moment between Cas and Dean should have happened SEASONS ago or at the VERY LEAST earlier in this FINAL season, and not right at the very end. The other reason why it worked so well with Buffy is that they had plenty of episodes afterwards to go into it, have Buffy react to it, and deal with it and such.  Meanwhile SPN, still BLATANTLY uncomfortable with handling this sort of thing, decided to put Castiel away in a dark closet and then put forth an end the world plotline by killing EVERYONE so Dean is too busy to actually think and talk about it for any real length of time XD.  I wouldn’t use the word homophobic for it, because it wasn’t used as a joke, it wasn’t used to demean gay people, it wasn’t meant to say “if you are homosexual, you go to hell.”

That’s not it at all. The only reason people think that is because they’ve been hurt in the past so many times, by religion and government and truly homophobic media,  and this scene triggers that hurt.  HOWEVER, if you look at that scene without that lens, it’s more cowardly and insecure, than homophobic.  Cause at the end of the day, that’s the whole problem with Supernatural.  They never commit.  Their writing is lazy and weak because they don’t have the writing chops to actually GO FOR IT. 

They are constantly at war with the writing, the ratings/money, and the general public views.  They constantly add poc and homosexual characters, but are too afraid to actually do anything with them in fear of doing it poorly and upsetting people (and honestly, it’s a valid fear XD).  I stopped watching Supernatural cause the writing is HORRIBLE.  It has nothing to do with homophobia and everything to do with the fact its all over the place, there’s no stakes, the power escalation is shot to hell, they keep saying SIKE when they do kill people, no changes last forever, and it should have ended SEASONS ago.  Its BAD. But in regards to homosexuality, the fact that they used a plot point that the legendary Buffy the Vampire Slayer used but used it on two characters of the same sex is actually AMAZING.  YES it was CRINGY. The handprint was cringy! They were trying WAY too hard to make it different than the other 1000000 times Castiel died for Dean. But it was their poor plotting, their overuse of killing and bringing back people, the fact Dean and Cas never actually even toyed with the idea of romance openly in the entire show, that caused this scene to not shine as brightly as it could have. 

THAT SAID.

HOLY SHIT CASTIEL LOVES DEAN! THATS AMAZING!!!! Ahem. Another reason why people get this scene so wrong is because they think writers are actual Gods.  We are not.  They are flawed and they are many and this show had WAY too many showrunners.  AND IT SHOWS.  But you know whos constant? The actors.  Dean has never really changed. Jensen played him exactly as he’s  always played him. ALWAYS.  Any person who got mad that Dean didn’t sob or kiss Castiel needs to take off their gay fucking glasses and respect the fact that THAT ISN’T DEAN.  HE’S NEVER BEEN THAT WAY.  EVEN IF CASTIEL WAS A WOMAN HE WOULDNT HAVE ACTED THAT WAY. 

Also Dean has been so BLATANTLY straight this WHOLE time.  Now I’m not saying that the romantic feelings were not reciprocal.  I’m saying we don’t fucking know XD Hell DEAN might not know, and honestly that would be the most realistic and best way to handle that.  Do you know how FUCKED UP it would have been if Dean broke character and suddenly came out as Gay and totally fine with that and just acted like he’s been gay this WHOLE time even when it’s so obvious that he was not?!! Its like - Respect Homosexuality, but Disrespect all other sexualities.  You can’t just force Dean to be Gay and Comfortable With That Fact (tm). 

You can’t.  And to expect and force Jensen Ackles to play his character, that he’s played for years that way, to tell him to fuck off how he’s BEEN playing him cause it’s not good enough anymore even though everyone ATE IT UP before Castiel came on screen,  is an INSULT to him.  I do think he can realize it. I think he can lean into it. I really do think it’s possible to do it in a way that’s realistic and still in character with how Jensen has played him all these years.  But now, you’re all fucking entitled little nutcases if you think that Dean should bend to your fanfic fantasy as being head over heels in love with a man without any issue at all when there’s absolutely nothing in his backstory, childhood, or ANYTHING that would explain why he would be that way.  I’m old as fuck, but you know how Dean SHOULD play it? Like Heath Ledger’s character in Brokeback Mountain.  He didn’t exactly showed his emotions regarding the love of his fucking life immediately, now did he?  BUT THAT SAID THIS ISNT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN YOU HORNY FUCKS XDD Ahem. That’s also a reminder for myself XD ANYWAYS!!!

TL;DR: The scene wasn’t bad because it was forced or homophobic.

It was neither. 

The scene was bad because of long term poor plotting, repetitive character arcs and horrendous timing and execution. 

That said, my shipping heart is just happy that it happened at all. <3   The End.  That is all

[thaumaturtles]

Why do Karkat and Caliborn have so many apparent similarities?

This might seem like an odd question at first, considering Hussie is known for using “prototype concepts” and mixing and matching them to make more refined versions down the line. For instance, his comics on the poorly namedTeam Special Olympics site featured much intentional homophobia, racism, bad dialogue and worse art, and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff was a later execution of those concepts which made it clearer that he was lampooning bad webcomics. To use an in-universe example, Nepeta was used as the in-universe avatar for audience engagement long before Calliope was a blip on the horizon. So, why am I bothering to ask this? Karkat was obviously just a proto-Caliborn, right? Well, let’s look at the facts:

They both type in gray

They both type in all caps and use the rudest possible terms for things

They both have candy red blood and are in some way related to lime blood (Karkat through mutation and Caliborn through his sister)

But those are all superficial similarities. Let’s go a bit deeper.

They’re both pretty sexist. Much as I love Karkat, he does say some shit that displays a pretty condescending view towards women in canon. You can point out that he was initially meant to parody internet trolls, and that he’s overcompensating due to Alternian culture, and that he Lives In A Society and whatnot, but regardless, he’s pretty sexist during most of Act 5.

They both serve as a “typical” example of what their race is like, and display elements of their culture (or lack thereof, since Caliborn makes it clear that an asocial species would have no need for culture) despite not being very typical themselves. Karkat is a mutantblood who doesn’t even experience the quadrants correctly, and Caliborn never dominated the way he was meant to

They both make friends with Jack Noir, though for entirely different reasons. Karkat makes friends with Jack because his natural inclination is to try to be friends with everyone, no matter the circumstance, while Caliborn forms an uneasy alliance (note that he explicitly calls him not a friend) with Jack because they’re equally bloodthirsty.

They both have an interesting dynamic with one Gamzee Makara. Admittedly, because of his level of importance, nearly everyone has some sort of relationship with Gamzee, but it is interesting that it’s concilliatory on both ends: Karkat pacified Gamzee during Murderstuck while Gamzee took care of Caliborn during his childhood.

Finally, the biggest bit of similarity between them: they’re both terrible at art. This is, honestly, the main reason I made this post. In Homestuck Book 5: Act 5 Act 2 Part 1, Hussie mentions that Karkat is the only character who’s as bad at art as Caliborn, going on to say, quote, “The fact that Karkat and Caliborn have a bit of overlap in personality and typing style may correlate somewhat with their artistic sensibilities as well. Like there's a certain part of the brain that's overactive in both kids, and possibly in all very special boys of their ilk. “

What, exactly, did Hussie mean by this? He’s previously not shied away from describing Caliborn’s brain as broken in some way, and it’s clear that Karkat deals with serious self-loathing issues; could either of those be it? Does this mean Caliborn’s self love isn’t nearly as unflappable as we thought? Is it a mask? Was he just saying Karkat and Caliborn are extremely “left-brained” in the traditional sense? This seems less than likely, to me. While I do think Caliborn is pretty left-brained (the jury’s still out on whether he can draw a CURVE, for the sufferer’s sake), Karkat, much as he fronts like this LOGICAL, NO-BULLSHIT, CUT-TO-THE-CHASE MACHO MAN, is far more in touch with his emotional side than anything else. In all honesty, he doesn’t even strike me as one of the more intellegent Homestuck characters, at least not in the traditional sense. (Please note that saying a character whom I adore very much and identify with heavily isn’t as smart as other HS characters is like pulling teeth for me).

I do wonder what exactly Hussie meant there, though. The word “special” is of course loaded, both within Homestuck and without. I’m sure I needn’t tell you of its perjorative, ableist meaning, considering I brought it up in the second sentence of this post. It’s very likely that Hussie is just making an off-colour joke here. Let’s act as though he isn’t for the sake of exploring this a little more though. Within the comic, the first thing I think of when hearing the word special is Special Stardust, which is of course inextricably linked to cherubim. Gamzee is a frequent partaker, as are Caliborn and Calliope. However, another place it’s used, especially with the context of a “special mind”, is with Jake English. (Caliborn is even the one to tell him this!) Our other major page, Tavros Nitram, is also linked to special stardust and also behaves similarly to Jake, which might lend water to this theory.

So, then, one must ask, what exactly is being said here? it’s suggested that Karkat and Caliborn have... something in common with one another, and furthermore with Jake and Tavros, but what? On this page right here, Caliborn says their shared uniqueness is because they have to work harder than everyone else. This makes sense, as we see Caliborn’s journey to Lordship is a long and arduous one, and we also see Jake and Tavros having to struggle to reach their full potential as Pages. Karkat has to fight his inner demons for a long time, and by the end of the comic it’s clear he still has a long way to go. I doubt that that’s what Hussie meant, considering he specified “a part of the brain that’s overactive,” but I do think it sheds some light on matters. I especially think it might give us a new theory relating to the Knight class: If it’s truly meant to be a counterpart to Page, then maybe that means they ALSO have to work hard to reach their full potential? This might just be a reflection of Karkat’s personal journey though, considering Dave managed to get a handle on Time shit fairly early in the game.

This post was the equivalent of me violently shrugging and stating self-evident facts for a few minutes, but it’s also getting a bit long in the tooth, so I think I’m gonna end it here. I’m open to feedback/counter-theories/telling me BKEW already came up with this theory in 2012