#but there’s a VERY obvious difference between ‘’I’m writing about these themes’’ and ‘’I’m getting off to this’’

[fishyartist]

Oh ew an artist I followed was posting shit about how we need to be accommodating of sexualizing incest+children because “it’s fiction” bullshit get lost ☠️

[whatdoidosatoru]

Sleeping In

PART 3 of The Only Exception

- part 1 - part 2 - part 4 - ao3

pairing: Keisuke Baji x OC (reader)

wc: 4.6k

tags: smut, fluff, no use of y/n, some back story (talk of cheating etc..), oral sex (m and f receiving), this chapter is actually pretty mild, sorry :)

summary: after another night of shenanigans with Keisuke, he cleared his schedule to spend a day with me

music:

Absolutely (Story About a Girl) - Nine Days

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

Coffee at Midnight - Stand Atlantic

Always - Panic! At The Disco

Church - Fall Out Boy

Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco

Memories Of A Broken Heart - Crown The Empire

Sleeping In - All Time Low

Always - blink-182

MDNI! 18+ ONLY!

I rolled over after what seemed to be a very short nap to find Keisuke with a very focused face holding a book from beside my bed.

“Everything okay?” I seemed to have snapped him out of his focus.

“Oh, yeah, this is just a bit weird."

I chuckled, “Yeah, it’s quite different. One of the main themes is reinvention of oneself and writing one’s own story. Meaning, in storytelling, you can reshape your life and constantly move from one self to the other and so on. If you want, you can borrow it, I’ve read it twice already.” He put the book away and slid back down to meet me for a kiss. 

“Maybe later, I like the person I am with you now.” He pushed my hair out of my face.

“Uhh so,” I started, clearing my throat, “What was that ‘all mine’ business?”

His face turned serious, “Did you not like it? I’m sorry if it was too much…”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I quickly stopped him, “I was just wondering what that meant to you.”

“I thought it seemed kind of obvious?”

“Let’s pretend it’s not and I’d like you to clarify.”

With a sharp inhale I stared at his face. I couldn’t say I hadn’t thought about it. There’s a certain satisfaction in fantasising about a relationship with a person you’ve only seen in a public space once and couldn’t forget their face. But this was different, he was really here, physically and emotionally, asking me to trust him and let him in.

He sat up and I followed, both completely naked and vulnerable.

"I want to be with you. I want you to be mine and nobody else’s. I really like you, to the point that I don’t know how I survived those 28 hours between leaving and seeing you again, having the confirmation that I was just overthinking things. I want to be the only person to do these things with you. I want to take you out on dates and then come back home with you and hold you until we fall asleep,” he shook his head, breaking eye contact, “and now that I said all this I really hope you feel somewhat the same because if you don’t I might just lose my mind.”

 All I could hear was a faraway voice in my head, repeating a mantra that had kept me from living my life the way I was supposed to.

You’re so obsessed with me and naive, no wonder I could sneak around and bed a different girl every night and still come back to you to take me in. Are you so stupid that you can’t see that we have been over for months now? I just kept you around so your cunt can be useful to me.

Keisuke sighed, reaching to touch my face. “Then I guess I’ll have to try harder to get to know you,” he said with a smile, “I’m not giving up on you, Yuna. I know we’re going to be good together, I can just feel it in my bones. Whatever I can do to help you see it, I’ll do it.”

“Keisuke…” his eyes locked onto mine.

“...I’m not sure you thought this through enough. You don’t really know me, you don’t know what a mess my head is in. I want to say yes and it felt right saying I was yours, but I’m afraid we’d rush into it and ruin everything.”

“Can we just watch something first?” I asked.

“Can you be naked while we watch?” His mouth showed a devilish grin.

“Pervert.” I playfully smacked his shoulder, then leaned over to kiss his soft lips, digging my hand into his hair, now in a very loose ponytail. He bit my lower lip, took out the hair bobble, and shook his hair out. I got up to position my laptop on the desk so we could see the screen and put on one of my favourite series.

~ 

When I got back to bed, Keisuke wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head,

“I’m still going to call you mine until you tell me to fuck off.” I didn’t think that could ever be an option.

Mai Darling, 21:33

i’m going to sleep, getting up early to finish my research paper so you can get spicy wherever

just please don’t do it in the kitchen

i don’t want your sex particles in my food

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

good night my darling i hope we dont wake you later <3

Mai Darling, 21:34

you’d better not or i’ll rip your boyfriend’s dick off :D

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

:’(

Mai Darling, 21:35

thought so, good night and stay safe lovebirds <3

Huh. Boyfriend.

Something about the notion felt safe and comforting. But that was just a recipe to get hurt again. Especially after last time…

~

“I’ll be out late, don’t wait up,” the voice on the other end of the line said. My heart sank, this had been happening for months now, we never saw each other, apart from him sneaking through my window in the dead of night, waking me up for a quick fuck and then passing out, disappearing before I woke up. Whenever I wanted to bring up the fact that we didn’t spend time together anymore, that I was losing interest in him because we didn’t even talk, he’d wave it off. “I told you I was busy, what more do you want from me?” 

Mai had told me to break it off with him, he wasn’t worth crying over, he didn’t care about me, and I’d find someone who would actually make an effort with me. “Don’t be dumb, Yuna, he’s a little weasel. He’s always seemed a little bit off to me, and you can’t even deny it! You only started liking him because it felt good being with a bad boy at the time. Who knows what he’s actually doing,” Mai would warn me to break things off with him on a daily basis, but I didn’t want to give up on him. I believed I could get him back to how he was before he started to pull away from me. Nobody prepared me for what I’d actually see when I decided to follow him out that night. 

~

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I rolled over and saw Keisuke, already awake, smiling at me from the other side of the bed.

“Mmmmornn.” I definitely couldn’t be accused of being a morning person.

Keisuke chuckled, “I don’t think I know that language, but I’m going to assume you need a couple more minutes of quiet to wake up.” He pulled me closer into his chest so I took a deep breath and inhaled his scent. 

I opened one eye as if to sneakily look at him. I couldn’t get enough of him. I could smell him, but I needed to see him, touch him, taste him. Quickly forming a thought in my mind, I managed to wake myself up for my hand to start venturing lower along his body. He quickly caught on and gave me a naughty smile,

“I take it you’re awake now, hmm?” I replied with a kiss, my hand reaching its destination and making him moan into my mouth. 

My hand wrapped around his cock and started slowly pumping it. As I did that, his hips started rolling into me. His moans turned into groans and soft grunts so I decided to switch my approach. Lowering myself to his crotch, his eyes turned hungrier, his noises needier. I took his length into my mouth, eliciting a long moan from his perfectly soft lips. His hips started thrusting upwards, but only slightly, like he couldn’t help himself.

I moaned at the taste of him, sending him into another long moan from the vibrations on his sensitive tip. I bobbed my head up and down, licking along the shaft and wetting it with my spit. His hands were gripping the sheets and his eyes were squeezed shut, taking in all of the sensations. While one of my hands was on the length of his shaft I couldn’t fit into my mouth, I brought the other to my clit, slowly rubbing circles around it and using the sensation to moan around Keisuke’s cock.

He moved one of his hands behind his head and the other to grab my hair into a makeshift ponytail. I looked up and locked eyes with him.

“You look so pretty with-ah fuck-your lips around my cock I could watch you-ah-suck me forever.” He noticed where my other hand was. “Ah, I see. You enjoying yourself?” He smirked with amusement, gripping my hair tighter and pushing me to take more of him in while I sucked in my cheeks to squeeze him tighter. Now he set the pace and very soon he started moaning louder. I rubbed myself quicker now, incredibly turned on by his using my mouth how he wanted.

“Can I come into your mouth?” I could barely hear him through his panting and I had no way of replying as he was still fucking my face so I removed the hand from my clit and gave him a thumbs-up. He laughed, but quickly returned to moaning and cursing under his breath.

“Fuck your mouth is incredible I could do this all day. Good girl you’re taking me so well. Are you ready? Fuck I can’t hold on any longer-” With another tug of my hair and a loud moan he spilt down my throat and my fingers slowed down, not quite willing to stop. I flipped over onto my back and looked up at him, showing him my empty mouth. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss then dragged me back up and kissed down my front to get to where my fingers were teasing my pussy. 

Flashing his canines he went straight in to devour my needy clit and puffy lips. I let out a cry as he pushed two fingers inside of me, immediately hooking them upwards to make me arch my back in pleasure. He removed his tongue only to instruct me to grip his hair, to which I obliged right away, desperate for more friction.

As he licked lazy circles around my sensitive clit I pulled him in closer, kind of afraid he might suffocate, but he just attacked with more fervour, making me moan even louder than before,

“Yes-ah-Keisuke please I’m almost there,” I needed him so terribly and he chuckled, sending vibrations to my core, almost finishing me. 

“Cum on my tongue, pretty girl, I want to taste how good I made you feel.”

That sentence alone sent a wave of pleasure over me, I arched my back and cried out his name while he was slowing down to ease me down to earth. Once again, he wiped his face and licked my slick off, savouring every drop of me before helping me up and embracing me into a tight hug. I was enveloped in his scent, sweetness with a hint of citrus, and it felt like all my stress and overthinking just melted away.

He pulled away after a kiss on my forehead, grinned, and went to put his clothes on.

“I’m guessing you don’t have classes today?” I went to look for something to wear in my wardrobe.

“No, I have Mondays off from university and work, you?” Now that he was, sadly, dressed, he peered out of the bedroom to check if Mai was still home.

“I already messaged work I’m not coming in today.”

With that I stopped in my tracks. Was this because of me? Am I preventing him from going? Wait, does he want to stay in with me?

“Oh how come?” Somehow I managed to sound cool, calm, and collected…I hoped.

“If I hadn’t, I’d have to leave you in bed around seven to get home and get my things to make it. I’d decided I’d much rather spend time with you, if that’s okay with you, of course.” My heart skipped. I felt the biggest grin forming on my face and his face lighting up when he saw it.

“Of course, um, it’s my turn to cook today so I’ll need to pop into the shop to get a couple of things and Mai will be home around 2 and out by 3. Do you want to give me a hand cooking? You don’t have to, of course, but if you want to that would be cool. Also I have to let her know you’ll be with us, do you have any allergies or something you don’t like to eat?” I felt myself rambling and holy fuck I needed to shut up, but he was still grinning at me as if he’d love nothing more than listen to me ramble. 

“You’re so cute. I eat everything and I’ll definitely help and give it my best to not burn down the building.” He made his way to the bathroom and I followed, my hair was in dire need of brushing.

~

Yunaaaaasty, 10:12

my darling keeper of my very own sanity, for lunch we’re making you your favourite <3

Mai Darling, 10:13

My lady, whomstever doth thou meansth whensth thou saysth we?

Yunaaaaasty, 10:14

you’re giving me an aneurysm 

keisuke is staying here for a bit :| hope thats okay with you pls dont be mad mai

Mai Darling, 10:14

as long as my peppers are done and you haven’t fucked in the kitchen i’m fine 

he really likes spending time in our flat huh

don’t take it the wrong way i really don’t mind, i’m just…noticing things

Yunaaaaasty, 10:16

noticing things, my queen?

Mai Darling, 10:16

don’t you worry your pretty little head with that ;) you have enough worries in there for all of us

i’m just saying he’s trying to spend time with you i think that’s cute

continue with my lunch now, servants!

Yunaaaaasty, 10:17

certainly, your highness *bows, scrapes ground with head, disintegrates into ground*

~

On our way to the shop, I noticed Keisuke battling with himself whether or not reach for my hand so I made it easier for him by entangling our fingers and smiling at him. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, as if shocked by my action, and continued with a slight stammer.

On the way back he decided to take my hand himself, but he was reduced to giggles when I used his hand to drag him closer to me and kiss his cheek. It felt good being out with him, being seen and not hidden like some kind of a shameful secret. Maybe it wouldn’t be catastrophic, being with Keisuke. 

“Have I told you how pretty you are?” I interrupted his thoughts, he snapped his head towards me and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times as if unsure how to start.

“I…I mean you said something like that when we met, but uhhh where’s this coming from?”

“I was just thinking out loud. I like being seen with you. Like this,” I lifted our hands, fingers threaded together, “and not feeling like you’re ashamed of me or whatever.”

“What? Has this happened to you before? Because if someone was ashamed to be seen with you, then they’re a moron of epic proportions.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss, “If we were together, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I’d become so insufferable that everybody would roll their eyes whenever I mention you.” He was so ecstatic about it that I just had to giggle at him.

Back in the kitchen, I put on my apron adorned with Mai’s and my faces - it had been a birthday present from her not long after we moved in together. Keisuke rolled up his sleeves and started chopping red and orange peppers while I seasoned chicken and popped it into the oven. He had already diced the onion because I mentioned nothing stopped from me crying when I did it. When we threw it all into the pan, I got the seasoning out and Keisuke just stared at me from the other end of the kitchen.

“What is it?” I said with a smile.

“Being here and doing mundane things with you feels so natural.”

I couldn’t help but imagine a reality where this was the norm. Walking together, holding hands, cooking lunch, just existing in the same room and talking. I grabbed my wooden spoon and mixed the peppers and onion, adding herbs and garlic. I took out a tablespoon to taste it and grabbed a spoonful for Keisuke to try. He nodded approvingly,

“This is that dish you said you make often? Fucking incredible.” I grinned, put the cooked rice into the pot and mixed it all together.

By the time the chicken was finished in the oven, Mai barged in, groaning and throwing her bag on the chair before face-planting the couch.

“I hate her so muuuuuuch! She knows I don’t read and she still won’t cut me some slack when it comes to assigned reading. I don’t know how many times I have to spell it out for her that I’m fucking D - Y - L - S - E - X - Y - C!”

I had to smack Keisuke’s chest to stop him from snickering.

“My darling,�� I went to check on her, “you do know that’s not how you spell dyslexic, right?”

She lifted her head off the pillow and blew a strand of hair out of her face, “Well that’s how I spell it.”

I patted her head and motioned her to come to the kitchen where I plated up our food and brought it to the table with Keisuke’s help. 

“And is your brother older or younger than you?” I wondered.

After we finished lunch, Mai grumbled away into her bedroom and got ready for work while Keisuke and I washed up and put away leftover rice. We still had a good few hours before he had to go home to make dinner for him and his brother so I suggested we go for a walk.

This time holding hands felt natural, and every time we passed someone I knew I didn’t feel like I had to let go and hide. He told me about his coursework, how he had always known he wanted to be a vet, about his favourite things, and his childhood friends. 

“Well, he’s not actually my brother, but he may as well be. We’ve been friends since we were in school. Funny story, actually,” He chuckled to himself, “He wanted to bully me but I ended up saving him from getting beaten up. You’re gonna have to meet him one day soon.”

I stopped in my tracks. He wanted to introduce me to his best friend/brother?

“No, not at all. I’m actually looking forward to meeting him.”

He looked at me, worry in his face, “Something wrong?”

I shook my head, trying not to show I was tearing up,

“You’re so weird, did you know?” He pulled me closer for a kiss. In public? In front of people!

Our kiss got broken up by a bicycle bell so we fled out of the way and just kept walking around. When we passed my university building I pointed it out.

“Looks like a prison, sorry,” Keisuke noted.

“Sometimes it feels like one, too. I need to get something from the library though, wanna come with?” He joined me inside, perusing the shelves of different sections in the library, while I went to the linguistics section to get a massive tome I needed for my next paper. On the way back home he offered to carry it for me when he saw the sheer size of the book. 

“Not gonna lie, Kei, you look really hot with a book in your hand.” His raised eyebrow made me giggle.

“Kei? I like that. I’ll start carrying a book with me at all times.” His hair was shining in the sun and I was overwhelmed by the need to run my fingers through it. Get it together, Yuna. 

I ended up recounting how I had met Mai, how she essentially ‘adopted’ me when she realised I was revising for the same midterm she had to take and she could listen to me revise instead of suffering through her own notes. Then we very quickly became best friends and I asked her if she wanted to move in with me since I had a free room in my flat.

“You own the place then?” Keisuke asked. This story always made me sad.

“Yeah, it was my grandma’s, but she died just before I started university and she left it to me, fully paid off, and she left me a savings account for my tuition. Technically I’m only working to cover my spending money and pay for food.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek.

“Sorry to hear about your grandma.” I smiled at him, now approaching the front door. 

As I was struggling to find the apartment key in the sea of keychains, Keisuke started nibbling on my neck, “Hmm this feels kind of familiar, don’t you think?”

I hurried with the keys and pulled him behind me, heading straight into my room and starting to take off my clothes. His mouth was pulled into a devilish grin, canines poking out, making him look like a vampire, and he took his shirt off before pulling his hair back and attacking my neck again.

~

While we were lying entangled I couldn’t help but overthink the situation. I could feel myself digging the hole of obsession deeper by the minute, which is something I had told myself wouldn’t happen again. But, that said, this didn’t feel like last time.

Keisuke opened his eyes and nearly startled me when he spoke. “You look sad.”

Last time I jumped into a relationship without weighing out my options, just because I liked the look of him and he charmed me into thinking he’d stay like he had been that first week. Then I ended up spending six months constantly wondering where he was, and, on the rare occasions he actually spent time with me, being hidden from the eyes of anyone else.

We’d never held hands or hugged in public. He’d never introduced me to his friends or family. Then he’d said he was just keeping me around for sex and my whole self-worth collapsed. 

Not a question. I didn’t want to bother him with my problems, but it was like he had a sixth sense for it.

“Did you forget what I said to you last night? I want to be with you, and that means taking on a portion of your sadness as well as making you cum daily. Let me help you.”

His usual goofiness is gone, replaced by a serious tone, seeing directly into my soul with his intense eyes. He moved one hand to my hip and started caressing me. 

“I was just overthinking things. I know, I know, when do I not?” With a sigh, I continued.

“I wasn’t allowed to express myself in the last relationship. I’m still trying to learn how to communicate with a partner because I didn’t get that before. That’s why I’m so conflicted because I was drawn to you from the start, but the past experience says it only leads to a catastrophe.” I felt the need to shut my mouth immediately. I’d said too much and laid out my emotions too soon.

My mind was racing, but I’d decided. “I think it’s too soon to say, but there’s another Emo Nite event in 11 days and that might be a good day to decide.” 

Keisuke touched my face, looking deep into my eyes.

“Funny you said that, I also felt drawn to you when I first saw you. I was rude to you to try and stop myself from acting on that feeling, but it clearly didn’t work.” He gestured at us lying in each other’s arms. “But I’m glad this happened because now I can show you how a real man treats his partner. What the actual fuck was this guy’s problem? You’re so smart, kind, funny, and interesting, I can’t wait to hear every next word from your mouth. I really hope you give me a chance to show you how serious I am about all of it.”

“Sounds like a date. Gives me time to talk to my friends and get them to come with me again. Apparently they had a decent time after I left.” 

“Does that mean I could meet them then?”

He leaned in to kiss me and chuckled, “Sweetheart, you’re meeting them way sooner than that.”

~

With a million kisses to go and no firm plan on when we’ll see each other next, I saw him to the door and said goodbye. It hadn’t been five minutes before I got a message from him.

Keisuke, 18:32

I can smell you on my clothes. It’s making me smile in public. c:

Yuna🖤💙, 18:33

thats funny because we spent most of the time with no clothes on

but i can smell you on my pillow and im just gonna sit here and snuggle it for a while

Keisuke, 18:33

That’s probably the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.

Please keep it up.

I’ll give you my hoodie or something next time.

Yuna🖤💙, 18:34

PROMISE?!

Keisuke, 18:34

Woah eager beaver C;

Yeah of course. Seeing you in my clothes might send me to a hospital, but I bet it would be worth it. c;

Yuna🖤💙, 18:35

if you get a heart attack whos gonna eat me out until i cry from overstimulation??????

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:36

Hey I’m hospitalised, not dead!

Yuna🖤💙,18:36

youre ridiculous. let me know when you get home safe <3

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:37

How cute, she’s worried about me c;

~

Yuna-chan, 19:03

i spent the past 22 hours with him 

hes sooooo not like any asshole from before

like

he held my hand when we walked

he kissed me in front of the library?!?!?!!?

he asks me stuff about me

chat is this real??? 

Hana-chan, 19:05

Dibs on picking bridesmaid dresses :)

Seriously though Yuna Im so happy for you

He sounds really nice

I expect an in-depth report on Sunday :D

And I want to see both of you at the event next Friday ;)

Yuna-chan, 19:10

thank you hana i couldnt have done this without you

seriously

[1 image attachment]

HE TOOK A POLAROID OF ME FROM THE FRIDGE!

Hana-chan, 19:12

Thank fuck it wasn’t a pair of panties hahah

That’s kinda cute ngl

You have one of him he has one of you.

Yuna-chan, 19:15

i’m smiling uncontrollably ??????? can’t stop send help

btw you got homework done for tomorrow?

~

After a few more hours of general upkeep of the apartment, texting with Hana and Keisuke, and sniffing the pillow whenever I walked into my bedroom, Mai arrived home from work and headed straight into the kitchen for leftovers. We sat at the kitchen table, catching up, when she pulled out a bag of popcorn from her bag, along with a couple of pots full of nacho cheese dip.

With a grin, we switched to the living room and put on our favourite show to rewatch, snacking on the loot from the cinema. 

[temnurus]

Recent Wangxian Faves

It's been a while since I compiled a general rec list, & I've read a metric ton of fics already this year. Here are ten of my more recently read favorites, some of which I've even read twice already because they were just that good! Y'all know the drill with me and smutty fics, so I hope no one is surprised when all of these are rated Explicit, haha. Sex isn't the theme of all of them, certainly, but it is present in all of them to some degree. Please note that these are listed in no particular order. Now, without further ado, onto the recs!

heart notes by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 92,632)

Thoughts: This fic had the most unique jobs for them that I think I’ve seen yet, & it was wild how well suited they turned out to be. Lan Zhan as a perfumer is one of my new favorite things that I never knew I needed, but here we are. The regret hung so heavy throughout most of this fic, & my heart ached for both of them. As hard as I typically find break up & make up fics to read, this one was 100% worth the angst. The love that went into writing it was so obvious, & it was just beautiful. I reveled in Lan Zhan being a master of his craft, & Wei Ying wanting so badly to help him when he was in trouble & ultimately became his champion when he so desperately needed one brought me to tears. Read this. Plainly put, it’s a masterpiece, & I loved it so much.

as the sun will rise by vespertineflora (E, 125,858)

Thoughts: This fic rocketed into my top five the instant I finished it. Probably even before that, to be completely honest. I love Beauty & the Beast AUs, which this was even though the author just used the Fairy Tale AU tag instead of being more specific. There aren’t really tentacles, but it was fair to include the tags for comparison because the vines work the same way, basically. Well, minus ejaculation. The only one doing that until near the end of the fic is Wei Ying, not that anyone’s complaining, haha.

Do mind the tags because this did get a bit emotionally heavy, particularly if you’re sensitive to Major Character Injury. I thoroughly enjoyed Wei Ying & Lhan Zhan’s characterizations & their dynamic. The writing was superb, & there was an engaging & interesting plot besides the titillating monster-fucking going on. I’ve pretty much read this twice already, & I have zero doubts there are many more rereads in my future. I sincerely urge anyone to give this one a try. It was so, so good!

you'll always know me by anaphoricae (E, 127,006)

Thoughts: Oh, this was so, so good. I’m a delicate flower who wilts during break up & make up fics, & this one was no exception to that rule. It was so gorgeous though. We got glimpses into their past throughout the nonlinear narrative & got to see each of their points of view at different parts of the story. I was particularly enamoured of Lan Zhan’s side of things, but that isn’t too surprising at this point because his pining for Wei Ying is always so relateable to me, ha.

And on that note, his pain was excruciating & deeply felt during the parts that covered their separation. I cried more than once as a result. The awkwardness & tension of their reunion quickly gave way to the magnetic pull between them, & I was practically glued to my seat until I finished this fic. The feelings were all so intense, & I loved every minute of it. Highly, highly recommend it.

Cloud Nine by mssdare (E, 80,064)

Thoughts: I loveloveloved this! I’d seen Wei Ying as a YouTuber before but not Lan Zhan, so it was a very neat thing to see him doing. I didn’t think it would suit him at first, but the author made it work perfectly. The tags were heavy, but the fic was mostly about the aftermath of Wei Ying’s mental breakdown when he came out of treatment & was trying to adjust to life in the real world again. I felt for him so strongly in this, & I appreciated the author’s respectful but unvarnished depiction of living with mental illness, including the often difficult time one can have dealing with the side effects of medication.

All the people who cared about Wei Ying touched my heart in this fic, but of course Lan Zhan was his number one. Lan Zhan’s ASMR videos being so comforting to Wei Ying during his recovery made me want to cry, & the slow burn of their developing relationship was really beautiful, not to mention satisfying. It did of course earn the angst with a happy ending tag, but there wasn’t nearly as much angst as one might expect with the subjects the fic touched on, just in case that’s comforting for anyone.

With No Particular Affection by Chrononautical (E, 92,397)

Thoughts: I love me a good arranged marriage fic, & this one was particularly good for a modern day AU. The idea that Wei Ying must marry Lan Zhan in order to save his family’s business is admittedly a flimsy excuse, but who are we to complain when it gives us stories like this? I’m certainly not going to, haha. The misunderstanding in this one was agonizing due to an overheard conversation, & I literally wanted to cry whenever the title phrase popped up in the fic.

However, the author balanced it with adorable interactions between Wei Ying, A’Yuan, & Lan Zhan, particularly all the fantastic fluffy domesticity after their nuptials. It was definitely a bumpy road on their way to happiness, including some corporate espionage! This fic had a little bit of everything, & I enjoyed everything it had to give us, including a very satisfying (and happy!) ending.

Comfortable Silence by WritersBlock823 (E, 65,072)

Thoughts: Oh, this was such a satisfying read. It’s now easily one of my favorite college/university AUs. I loved the randomness of their first encounter & how it led to them becoming roommates. The angst surrounding Lan Zhan being deaf & how that affected his interpersonal relationships was handled with care & respect by the author, & Wei Ying respecting Lan Zhan’s autonomy & his thoughtfulness when it came to communication between them made me cry a couple times. They both had painful memories to work through, & those moments could be brutal & emotionally exhausting but in a cathartic way, at least in my opinion. The smut was super hot, & I was thrilled with their happy ending. They totally deserved it, but then they always do.

i'm the one for your fire by occultings (E, 42,931)

Thoughts: What can I say? This is yet another gem by occultings. It motivated me to watch the source material for the AU before I allowed myself to read the fic, & I’m so very glad I did. I would’ve enjoyed it without the context, but it undoubtedly let me enjoy the fic just that much more. The concept alone was enough to have me laughing, but the fic delivered on it even more. Lan Zhan’s thoughts were so compelling, particularly the dirty ones, but then again, I’m a huge pervert, so don’t mind me, haha. This fic was sexy & sweet & had a little bit of everything. I highly recommend it, as well as the BL drama/manga that inspired it.

Hanlong by Alexandra_Kreuz & micratus (E, 282,550)

Thoughts: This fic blew my fucking socks off. It was absolutely phenomenal. One of the best Modern Cultivation AUs I’ve read, & that’s saying something because there are some big contenders in that category. I found it very original while still having perfect characterization for all my favorite people. It even convinced me that Wen Ning & Xue Yang was a viable ship! (At least in a modern AU where XY isn’t the absolute worst, heh).

The slow burn was real, but it was so fun seeing everyone come together for the different lecture series held in rotating sect territories each year during their teens. The plot was superb, being both action packed, angsty as fuck, & full of the best romance on a low simmer until it finally flares into full on yearning in adulthood. I loved every single minute, & I very much hope you will, too.

backfire by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115,570)

Thoughts: Please, please, please mind the tags. If any of them are triggers or squicks for you, I’d advise against this one. That said, I 100% loved it. No notes. The angst was heavy for sure, but the author’s notes clarified anything scary, & the major ouches were mostly off screen &/or not graphic.

Lan Zhan & Mo Xuanyu’s relationship was agonizing for me to read, but it was so obvious that Lan Zhan had been in love with Wei Ying all along (to everyone but Wei Ying, of course). I was glad Mo Xuanyu didn’t consider Lan Zhan’s feelings as infidelity even though Lan Zhan himself struggled with guilt over it. The author included the tag as a courtesy but clarified this in the author’s note. I can’t abide cheating, so I was grateful for it.

The slow burn was real, & I was mad with impatience by the time it actually got to any BDSM between Lan Zhan & Wei Ying. It was totally worth the wait, though. People who haven’t experienced spooky’s writing might be surprised by the depth of emotion in this work when it’s set in a world where BDSM roles are a biological trait, but I promise you this is a feature in ALL of their fics. They’re just saturated with feelings & absolutely gorgeously written. They’re my favorite Wangxian author for a reason, ha.

Caught in 4k series by KizuKatana (E, 184, 553)

Thoughts: This was brilliant & brutal at the same time. The sheer unfairness of the events surrounding Wei Ying’s expulsion from the Jiang sect was appalling. Yu Ziyuan was definitely villainized here, but it made sense & worked for the plot. It made me hate her even more than usual, but that was sort of the point, ha. Wen Qing was the real MVP with the way she went to bat for Wei Ying & basically adopted him into her family. It happened so naturally that no one even had time to question it or think about it too much. I loved his found family, as I always do.

Wei Ying & Lan Zhan butting heads so disastrously at first was rather dismaying after everything else Wei Ying had been through, but the way Lan Zhan fell for him so hard & so completely (as he tends to do, lol) more than made up for it. The social media aspects of this were both engaging & fun. I even enjoyed the extras, & sometimes I don’t bother reading those after a long fic if they don’t hook my interest with the summaries. I can’t recommend this highly enough. This author has quickly become one of my favorites.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thanks for tagging @jrooc

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I’ve always been an avid reader and as a kid I wanted to be a writer so that was the start. I’ve been reading fanfic since i was in highschool, and I’ve had many different barely started fanfics started over the years but last year was the first time I was able to actually finish anything/taken it seriously. I think it just came down to college teaching me the last bit of discipline in my creative practice

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Just Gallavich, but I’m very confident I will write destiel in my lifetime

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I published my first fic in September of last year!

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

it goes back and forth, when i enter a fandom i read fanfic voraciously but now i think i write a little more, its a balance between you can write the fanfic you want to read and you can read other peoples work to experience ideas you would never think of or just a different take on a familiar topic - both are good. I’m currently slowly going through and re-reading my old fics to get them ready to print and bind and its been a super fun process

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I hope i’ve improved a lot overall lol the main thing i always want to do well is portray the environment the way i envision it bc the worlds of my fanfics are rich and beautiful in my head so i just want to get better and better at pulling people into that

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Not a ton of weird research, a lot of google maps-ing to get a better understanding of the layout of Chicago and understanding how far away states/cities are from one another (i’m american, just a weird bicoastal one)

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

literally any comment, all of them are amazing and i can’t believe people read what i write and actually like it ?!? beautiful and very novel

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

um - i guess ABO, i was originally going to publish mine all mine anonymously bc it was very cringe inducing and still kind of is but tbh when i read it back i was like- wait this is good, even if it’s weird.

psychopomp is also a weird story, the way i thought/felt about it while writing was deeply weird and all the the themes of death and decay and devotion and consummation as an allegory for love were intended to be dark and just- weird

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Emotionally introspective fics that also really study the characters are really hard and i dont know why I keep fucking writing them - after finishing the fic im writing now i have to shift to something more plot focused

its really hard for obvious reasons but i also feel like i am an extremely logic driven person with a very particular worldview and all these characters are more emotionally driven than me. so i have to work very hard to not write behaviors from my pov and my decision making but from a studied understanding of the characters - which might be a good thing idk

um also idk if it needs to be said but brevity is not my strong suit, i should probably work on that

10. What is the easiest type?

Fluff, just cuddling and pillow talk baby i love that shit, also idk if i write smut well but it def goes the quickest for me

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Pages app on my icloud - I write after work some days, on my lunch break and on the train ride home. Every so often ill wake up early on a weekend and be in the mood to put on my noise canceling headphones and write for hours, but thats not super often

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

uhh - we’ll see. my true crime au is def one i want to write but all my ideas for the plot are just too dark rn, so well see if i can get it to lighten up a bit

13. What made you choose your username?

tagging 5 writers: @callivich @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @energievie @metalheadmickey

[socalledsomethingorother]

i’ve been wanting to talk in-depth about this forever so

they’re the same. they’re literally the same.

⚠️spoilers for all of death note, spoilers for the mha manga. i’m writing this with the assumption that you’ve seen both series.⚠️

let’s start with the mentors: L and all might.

they’re both considered to be the best of the best at what they do—L is the world’s greatest detective, all might is japan’s number one hero. both of them are at the end of their careers. both of them “lose” their careers around halfway through their respective series.

both of them have successors lined up for when they inevitably retire (or die).

personality-wise, however, they appear to be very different. all might is loud, charismatic, and kind, while L is reserved, awkward, and very blunt. those are their most obvious personality traits. still, they’re both incredibly driven people that are willing to do absolutely anything and everything to achieve their goals.

now, imagine we’ve taken all might’s and L’s personalities, and split them in half—giving us four sets of personality traits.

all might:

1) kind, charismatic, loud

2) driven, tenacious, passionate

L:

1) reserved, awkward, blunt

2) driven, tenacious, passionate

do you see where i’m going here?

now, let’s talk about the “official” successors to L and all might: near and izuku

i call them the “official” successors because these two were the ones explicitly chosen in canon to succeed their idol—be it by the idol himself or via process of elimination.

they are also the successors that embody the most dominant traits of their mentor. the similarities between them and their mentors are obvious.

izuku’s desire to be a hero that saves everyone is the same motivation all might had that drove him to become the symbol of peace. they recognize the importance of having a positive and inspiring role model, and they embody those traits to become a beacon of hope for those in need of saving.

as for near, we don’t know if he actually has any motivation to become L’s successor other than the fact that that’s all he’s known. he had natural intelligence that placed him ahead of the other orphans in the running to be the next L, so he just kept doing what he had to. wammy’s house was designed to mould vulnerable children into genius detectives. he never got a chance to be anything but L’s successor.

but that’s also the same kind of trap that izuku fell into when he received one for all.

from the very beginning, there’s a part of izuku that believes he’s doing a favour for all might by taking on the responsibility of OFA. yes, he’s always wanted to be a hero, but as the story goes on, his motivation to keep going is not fully coming from his desire to save, but from the knowledge that the world will literally end if he doesn’t become the next symbol of peace. izuku—like near—had no choice but to be exactly like all might but far before he was ready to.

there’s also a recurring theme of “i’m not worthy of this title” that we see in both izuku and near. near gets right to the point i’m going to make later, and exclaims that he will never surpass L so long as he doesn’t have his rival beside him.

izuku rejects that idea. he has an extremely hard time accepting help with OFA because of how dangerous it is to be associated with the power.

there’s the little details too. they’re both nerdy. they’re both kinda childish with their interests.

and neither of them are afraid to stand up to their utter asshole of a rival.

the amount of similarities between katsuki and mello is actually rediculous.

they are the “unofficial” successors to their respective mentors—izuku was favoured over katsuki because katsuki already had a power, and mello gave up the chance to be L because he couldn’t stand the idea of working alongside near.

katsuki and mello represent the less noticeable traits of their mentors, and their narratives do a great job of reminding you of this at the most heartbreaking times. after katsuki’s final exam, all might points out that katsuki always smiles in battle—even in the face of defeat. while near is explaining how he caught kira, he expresses that they’d all be dead had it not been for mello’s impulsive sacrifice—something he acknowledges he doesn’t have the ability to do.

despite being a literal representation of their mentors’ intense drive to succeed by any means, both mello and katsuki are painted in a negative light. however, it’s always their rival that comes to their defense and even envies those traits (while still chastising their less-than-favourable behavior).

near acknowledges mello’s immaturity and impulsivity while also admitting that mello’s quick thinking is what saved him and caught kira. izuku has always admired katsuki; so much so that his subconscious recognized that katsuki always wins, therefore izuku should act like katsuki if he wants to win. izuku acknowledges this, however, he condemns both katsuki for being an asshole, as well as himself for imitating the asshole behavior when he gets riled up.

now let’s take a look at the paths that mello and katsuki took with their character development (read left -> right)

wild how similar they are, right?

i don’t have any mic drop conclusion to this, i’ve just been wanting to share my thoughts on this for a long time now! @imaginarylungfish

(side note: listen carefully to these three songs. [L’s theme] [near’s theme] [mello’s theme] the first half of near’s theme + the second half of mello’s theme = L’s theme. what an absolute genius detail!)

[ferhog]

WHY LUZ’S TITAN-POWERED FORM IS SO GREAT:

So from the very second it appeared on screen I have ADORED Luz’s super form (Which per its obvious anime influence deserves a cool and overly long name like ULTIMATE DARK NEO-PHOENIX TITAN WITCH LUZ) and a big part of that is how unconventional it looks. While most super forms like the classic Super Saiyan become gold or similar bright colors, Luz's colors are dark and she has the aesthetics of a villain. In wondering why they went with this design, I realized it may have a significant link to the themes of The Owl House.

Owl House is at its center a story about people who have differences that would make them social outcasts from society finding love and companionship with each other. Luz is a bisexual ADHD gender non-conforming latina with no friends and bad grades who gets taken in by a criminal who’s essentially disabled. And then the cast of friends they amass also consists largely of more queer, disabled, and neurodivergent people. Whether it was accidental or a deliberate allegory, I think the writers were making a connection between these traits and the themes of Witches and Demons.

I’m not a historical scholar or anything so I could be wrong, but to my understanding the historical witch hunts are believed or even acknowledged to have been an excuse to wipe out societal outcasts, mainly independent women. The writers definitely had this on their mind since the Villain of the series is a man from that time period who’s heavily implied to be motivated by Christianity through his references to “Saving your soul(s)”. In the original pitch for the series Luz was meant to be a dead girl in literal Hell, and though in the actual show it’s called ‘The Demon Realm’ and ‘The Boiling Isles’ aesthetically it very much is Hell. Similarly their God, The Titan, with his horns, wings, and tail is clearly inspired by the Devil, albeit a very furry interpretation. So I think, though they may not have realized they were doing it (For one: Dana has said they didn’t realize they were writing Luz as ADHD until it was pointed out) the TOH staff were associating the very real things that puritanical societies fear and despise (Queerness, neurodivergence, disabilities, other races, and not conforming to gender roles) with the religious and/or fictional concepts they also hated and associated these traits with: Hell, Demons, and Witchcraft.

So when Luz obtains the power of the Titan, she has the powers of the Devil, Hell, and everything it represents. She was already everything a white christian man from the 17th century would hate, and now she looks the part. If Hell is where people like her belong, then Hell can’t be all that bad. In this moment she embodies everything witchcraft represents.

[dropthedemiurge]

I am once again fascinated by P’Aof’s power in filming and intentional message for every episode (hello to the Metaphors Overflowing episode lol).

It’s so clear that the overall theme of this episode was ‘the ending’. (SPOILERS for Moonlight Chicken EP 7 below!)

First of all, a very obvious one – Ms.Hong gone, it’s the end of her life, it’s another parent of Gaipa gone, he’s alone and heartbroken now, in need of someone to stay by his side – but his possible relationship with Jim ended right before this episode as well (and completely finalized now). He says he doesn’t want to be the good and kind guy anymore, because kind guys give out love and get nothing in return. Gaipa got his world shaken and turned upside down, it’s time for him to find a new anchor.

Then the relationship between Alan and Wen – yes, they broke up already but again, it’s final once and for all in this episode. Now they confirmed for sure that nothing could’ve saved their relationship they’ve been clinging to so hard all those months. But the bond is still there. The soft smiles and letting each other go are there. The end of 5-years-old couple.

The end of unfair gap misunderstanding between Jim and Liming we witnessed as well – when Jim finally got the advice and started listening and talking to his nephew. What does he want? Why did he try to smoke? Why is he gay? What are his plans for the future? Come on, grab a beer and tell me. I’m going to let you make the decisions for yourself. It’s the end of their conflict, now they are equal adults.

It’s the end of Jem’s abstence from Li Ming’s life. He might not want his mom back in his life or himself back into hers – but his mom is here now and she wants to take care of him, now it’s up to Li Ming to choose.

And, well, Heart got the closure of his conflict with parents in this episode as well. Now both his mom and dad FINALLY after three years let him outside and they even make effort to communicate in sign language with him. He’s already on the path of having a different life.

I also loved how mature the relationships were shown – yes, they established JimWen heading towards dating finally, they hinted at Alan meeting Gaipa as well, but Wen takes care of Alan and Jim stays by Gaipa’s side throughout the whole funeral. There is no jealousy, no bitterness, just people who care about each other and understand that we need to help each other. Even Jim tried to help Alan (wow I was genuinely afraid of how that’d go, but seems like the bitterness from Alan towards Jim has almost faded too).

Following this message, Jim deciding not to use someone’s title deed and just closing Moonlight Chicken Diner which he was so proud of in the beginning... isn’t giving up. It’s not a sad finale. It’s not losing everything. It’s getting his closure with Beam and their dream, writing down a dot on disrespect from Beam’s parents. The closed restaurant is a metaphor of closure and a very obvious symbol.

All of the characters had something end this episode. But things have to end in order to face new beginnings.

Wen, Jim, Alan, Gaipa, Li Ming, Heart, Jem, even Leng and Praew – in the final episode we’ll see how each of them (and together) will move on. What new path will they choose? Some of them held to their past for too long. Finally, they’re free to choose.

[kinkandkreep]

Connor Kenway/Ratonhnhaké:ton Headcanons: As a Father

A/N: Hey hey y’all! So, as most of you may know by now, for the past week or so Ratonhnhaké:ton a.k.a Connor Kenway, the protagonist from Assassin’s Creed 3, has completely occupied my mind. Like I’m serious, it’s been exactly one (1) thought, head full of him. So, to help flush some of this fixation out of my system, I’ve taken to writing a shit ton of headcanons for him, all different au’s and themes. Today, we’ll be looking at what I envision Connor to be like as a father. Canonically, he has three (3) children, two daughters and a son. We never, however, get to see more of what he’s like as a dad, so that’s where I step in! 😁 FAIR WARNING: These are more so a combination of Modern and Canonical headcanons since I took inspiration from how I imagine Connor would behave in both timelines. With that being said, I hope you guys enjoy! And please feel free to send me any Connor related asks or requests you may have. I’d love to write more for him and interact more with my fellow Con-Con man lovers. 

Ratonhnhaké:ton/Connor Kenway as a Father Headcanons

Before I say anything else, and go into any detail, let me make something abundantly clear 

Ratonhnhaké:ton/Connor Kenway is an amazing father

He’s doting yet firm, protective but not overbearing

He’s attentive and accommodating, but not to the point of pandering and being spineless

He knows how to be gentle with his children, even from the time they’re infants and he gets to hold them for the first time

Speaking of…

The first time Connor gets to hold his child, his eyes water up like super hard

He only notices, as entranced as he is by his baby, because his picture of them becomes blurry

He’s afraid his tears will drop on his baby and startle them, so he quickly yet carefully hands her back to his wife and wipes the tears, which have now begun trickling down his face, before immediately, quietly asking for permission to hold his child again

(His wife, in her exhaustion and recovering from the sudden rush of adrenaline, thinks it’s funny and sweet that he thought to ask for permission) 

Ratonhnhaké:ton never ceases to be amazed, even as the number of times his wife gives birth increases and, subsequently, the number of his children grows

He’s just as astonished the third time as he was the first 

As I mentioned in some of my previous Connor-canons, he’s always desired to be a father and have a family

(I mean personally, before the comic came out, I wouldn’t have thought he necessarily wanted such a big family, but the fact that he apparently did positively warms my heart 😭)

Even years later, he still feels regret about the way things played out between him and his own father, and the more he contemplated why Haytham behaved in the way that he did, Connor has deduced that perhaps Haytham’s relationship with his dad wasn’t the greatest either, and that affected him to a degree

(That’s by no means meant to excuse or justify what Haytham did, but I thought it was worth mentioning)

He knows he can’t ever know the answer for certain, but with this speculation, Connor decided that he would do his utmost to be a good father to his children, regardless of what path they chose and what differences may have existed between them

We all know that Ratonhnhaké:ton can very easily become a papa bear when the situation calls for it, and he’s very unafraid of puttin’ the smackdown on people who would overstep their boundaries 

This behavior is increased tenfold once he becomes a father

Now he really is a papa bear, and anyone who would try to harm his children in any way will be dealt with. Swiftly. 

On the flipside of that however, Connor also knows that he shouldn’t coddle his kids, and that eventually they’ll have to learn to defend themselves

So, he does the obvious thing and covertly teaches them some of the fighting and self-defense techniques he learned as an Assassin 😁

It’s not full out Assassin training (outside of Io:nhiòte, who of course possesses the OG eagle vision) and he tries to keep it on the dl from his wife (who eventually finds out anyway and scolds him but nevertheless allows him to continue 🙃)

Connor and all three of his children really enjoy flapjacks (yes, flapjacks not pancakes)

I imagine that Connor and his family live in the manor and so the children each have their own rooms

They’re each responsible for the upkeep of said room once they are of age, and Connor teaches them the importance of cleanliness, in all aspects

He also teaches them respect, even to the animals who provide their food and fur/skins

When his children inevitably inquire about what it is Connor does since he wears those special robes, he decides to be completely upfront and honest with them, when they are old enough 

Prior to that, he tells them a watered-down version of the story, saying things like “I help others and make bad people go away” or even jokingly implying or outright stating that he belongs to a secret brotherhood who helps people and punishes those who misbehave 

(When the kids are younger, they eat his stories up, so fascinated and intrigued they are with whatever it is their dad does) 

I feel that Io:nhiòte is the most excitable of Connor’s kids; she’s still a polite, well-spoken girl but just a little more headstrong than her siblings 

I also feel that Connor’s son, which I believe is his second eldest child, is like him and has a very calm (almost more so than his father), even temperament 

He, again like his father, is soft-spoken and kind, and also very intelligent: he adapts and learns very quickly

Connor’s oldest, who I believe is his other daughter, is very confident and much like her mother

She is also well-mannered and independent, not liking to rely on others for much, if anything, one trait she did inherit from her dad

She takes pride in being the eldest, and always tries to lead and set a good example for her siblings 

Even with their similarities though, Connor still has had to learn to adapt his attitude and responses when engaging each of his children

He laughs at the thought, as coming to understand and subsequently better communicate with his kids reminds him of his early days of assassin training, the more mentally taxing work he had to put in

It also sometimes saddens him when he thinks about how his own father could never quite figure out how to do the same

But, all in all, Connor is just grateful that he can make a positive difference as it relates to his own relationship with his kids

Rapid Fire Round!

Connor and Io:nhiòte have their own secret language that they use when out training

(It’s mostly vocalizations and hand signals, not so much actual words)

Connor likes to have special little inside jokes with his kids, and they each have either a hand signal or handshake that is unique to them

Ratonhnhaké:ton isn’t usually one to cry at all, but he definitely sheds tears whenever any one of his kids reaches a milestone

(Like he might not outright sob but a few little diamonds surely make their way down his cheeks 😂)

When they’re little, Connor’s kids love to play in his hair (which I imagine he lets grow out a considerable amount once he’s settled down) and he’s more than happy to let them

Loves to make their birthdays celebrations for the whole of the Homestead and his wife’s village as well 

When he’s at home and the babies are…well babies, Connor oft volunteers to supervise his, Myriam/Norris and Warren/Prudence’s kid’s playdates 

I didn’t mention this in my general headcanons for Con-Con man but I actually believe he knows how to cook, and for this particular set of headcanons he does so pretty frequently for his kids, as they’re big fans of his cooking 

Connor loves to give his kids piggyback rides; his son and Io:nhiòte are particularly big fans 

When the children are little, Connor hums to them to help them sleep at night 

(His wife likes to tease him about how nice his voice is and Connor is always flustered at the compliment)

All-in-all, Connor is an excellent father, and is more than willing to give his kids the world 😁

[it-happened-one-fic]

Because I'd Loved Him All Along - Ace

Author's Notes: Happy Valentines Day! I intended to post something more Valentines themed but I found this in my drafts and, well, it's sort of a long story. Just know that you have no idea how close this (and it's partner fic) came to never being posted. I really don't know why I decided to write a fic from Reader's point of view and then a partner one from Ace's point of view. But here we are. Anyway, This was written while I listened to "Far Away" by Nickelback. It's angst with comfort and Reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Here's the link to the partner fic: Because He'd Loved You All Along (Ace's POV)

Type: Fluff/Angst with Comfort/Romantic/Probably not canon compliant/gender-neutral reader

Word Count: 1549

“Y/N!!!!” I flinched at the sound of my name being shouted from behind me by that familiar voice. Evidently enough, Grim had told him, and no doubt Deuce, what Crowley had just informed me of mere moments ago already.

I turned, expecting to see a bright grin and mischievously sparkling red eyes that would be so at odds with the muddled feelings in my heart. I was instead greeted by a deep frown and red eyes that were filled with ire. 

I all but stumbled backwards in surprise at the uncharacteristic expression on his face, “Ace?”

My voice was so tiny when it came out, but it did nothing to stop his speedy approach.

 A speedy approach that gradually slowed to a purposeful march as he stormed my direction. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?” I offered a meek grin, unsure of why I echoed his question back at him. I knew exactly what he was talking about. What I didn’t know was why he was so upset about it. I’d honestly expected congratulations…..

“You know exactly what I’m talking about and don’t pretend you don’t. Are you leaving tomorrow?” My eyes managed to widen a bit further at his increasingly irritated tone. 

To be honest, I was thrown for a loop. 

Why was he mad? Why was I unsure about what I wanted to do? Was it true? I truly didn’t know the answer to any of these questions and Ace and his questions were only serving to confuse me more. Especially when his was the face that kept coming to mind when I even considered leaving Twisted Wonderland and returning home.

“I…I don’t understand, Why are you so mad?” I shook my head, confusion overwhelming me as I tried to find the answer to both his questions and mine. 

My question was met with an eye twitch and him crossing his arms, staunchly refusing to answer my question while also pressuring me to answer his without saying a single word. 

At this point I knew Ace well enough to realize he wasn’t budging till I’d puzzled out my answer. The very same answer I’d just been looking for before he’d come running up.

Go home tomorrow and probably never see any of the people I'd come to care for, or stay here and possibly miss out on my one chance to return to the life I knew and see my family and friends from before I came here? 

 It was a difficult conundrum that didn’t seem to have a right answer.

Which one would I regret more?  Impossible to say since I’d have regrets either way.

 I glanced up at Ace to find him still frowning at me, but his stance was a little different. Almost like he was softening in the face of my obvious confusion.

“I… I don’t know Ace,” His eyebrows lifted at my honest answer. It was perfectly obvious that it wasn’t the answer he wanted but… It was the only answer I had right now. So I continued, defending myself and my answer.

“It is true that I can go home tomorrow. Crowley just told me this morning. It’s also true that if I don’t take this chance I might never get another one…. He was very clear about that.” I stopped, remembering the Headmaster’s dooming words.

“This is a very rare opportunity! Most people are never even alive to see the proper alignment of the hundreds of factors that allow traversing between worlds… Much less twice! You’re incredibly lucky Y/n!” His beaming face had been the complete opposite of the intense sinking feeling I’d had when he’d told me.

I shook my head, dragging myself back to the present so that I could continue to explain. Half of me was surprised Ace hadn’t interrupted my thoughts yet, “So… I don’t know if I’m leaving. Leaving probably means I’d never see you or anyone else here again. But staying….”

I hesitated as my mind swirled with mounting horror as the gravity of the situation slowly began to crush me more and more and my voice began to crack, “Heavens…Can I even stay?”

I swallowed the pressure building in my throat. 

And here I thought I could handle anything after dealing with the overblots. Now I couldn’t even bring myself to look Ace in the eye as I wallowed in feelings of regret for things that hadn’t even happened yet.

Even I could tell I was spiraling as my previously coherent words slowly began to deteriorate along with my thoughts and feelings.

“I don’t even have a birth certificate and I don’t belong in this world…. What do my parents think has happened to me? Do they think I’m dead?” I at last met Ace’s gaze, fighting to hold back the tears that now began to sting my eyes.

His red eyes, usually so bright and cheerful, were now wide and unsure. He didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t blame.

 I’d always been the strong one that didn’t panic even in the worst situation. And yet here I was breaking down in front of him. I was ashamed.

This shouldn’t be difficult for him. It wasn’t even his problem. It certainly shouldn’t be difficult for me. The answer should be easy. I should go home and return to how things were.

 I should forget the mischievous boy who’d been by my side since the very start of things and had supported me through some of my most dangerous experiences. Simply put, I should move one.

Yet here I stood, tears welling up in my eyes even as I fought them, staring at the boy that held my heart in his hands and silently begging him for an answer. I didn’t know what to do this time and I couldn’t be the strong one this time.

This time I was going to shatter into a million pieces before blowing away on the winds of regret and sorrow. Because I knew exactly what I would do.

I was a coward who couldn’t face uncertainty without support. And if I didn’t receive that support I would disappear from this world altogether and fade into a vague memory.

I inhaled, a long trembling breath, “What should I do Ace? I don’t know anymore… What should I do?” My voice came out small and broken. I wanted to curl up and hide where no one would see my pitiful state. My head lowered as I looked downwards, refusing to let tears come out where anyone could see.

And then I felt it. One hand grabbing my arm and tugging me forwards while his other arm wrapped around my waist in a tight hug. 

I was frozen, waiting and expecting his typical scoff that would be followed by a sassy comment meant to make me laugh, but it never came. Instead, I felt myself relax and melt into his embrace just in time to hear him start talking in an impossibly soft voice.

“I don’t know Y/n… But I do know you should do whatever will make you happy.” He leaned back, pressing his forehead to mine and giving me a pointed stare, “The rest of it doesn’t matter. Do what you want to do.”

“But what if-”

“No what if’s. You don’t have magic and you can’t see the future. You have to make a choice and it doesn’t matter if it's wrong or right. You just have to make a choice.” His voice held a firmness that it only ever carried when he was scolding someone, but it really didn’t feel like I was being scolded.

He maintained his stern expression, demanding an answer just like before. But this time it was different. It didn’t feel like he was angry. It felt like he was trying to help me in his own strange way.

“If I stay…” Something flickered deep within his eyes that made me pause, hesitation flooding in before I could myself continue. 

But then my fingers curled tighter into his jacket as I forced myself to continue even as iI relied on him for support,“If I stay here, will you stay with me?”

I suppose that was the heart of the matter. I was afraid that even if I did stay, I might not be able to remain with him or anyone I was close to. They might move one, find new friends and forget me even if I chose to abandon my home and stay with them.

I watched him nervously, fearful of his answer and wary of his teasing. A slow smile appeared on his face and the corners of his eyes crinkled ever so slightly, “Haven’t I stayed with you this whole time? If I leave you’ll get yourself into trouble.”

The tears that pricked at my eyes, but they were different now. Instead of tears of distress and heartbreak these were tears of relieved joy that only seemed to amuse him further. 

“I’ll stay with you because….” He trailed off, an uncharacteristically gentle smile on his face as he closed his eyes, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.

But he didn’t have to finish. Because even if I didn’t know how he would have finished his statement I knew how I would.

Because I’d loved him all along.

[inkblackorchid]

Characters and cards

Having scripted duels that feature Aki, Yusei, and most recently, Crow in them now, I've got some thoughts about their decks that I've been meaning to get out. This is gonna be a long post. And bear in mind that this is written from the perspective of someone who is not a habitual yugioh player, but has simply had a fair amount of exposure to these characters' cards due to writing about them. I guess it's something of a thinkpiece about characters and their cards. Or advice for people hoping to script 5Ds-era duels with these characters, I guess.

So, first of all, I think we all agree that duel monsters cards in the show, aside from obvious marketing for irl yugioh cards, are also a storytelling device and a tool for characterisation. As in, duels are never just duels, they're also something else. The story is woven into the card plays, and the cards that are being played say something about the person using them. Yeah? Yeah.

With that in mind, the decks of the main cast in 5Ds become very interesting. I'll start with Aki here, since most of the duels I've scripted have included her. (And I'm only talking about cards the characters canonically own, not whatever cards were added to their favourite archetypes after the show or something. For actual TCG players, please keep one more thing in mind: Several of these characters' cards were either never printed irl or had different effects in the anime, which may be reflected in how I talk about them.)

So. Aki. Character-wise, she's got an intriguing deck, actually. Obviously, as the Black Rose Witch she's introduced to us to, her deck primarily features two things: A plant focus (primarily on roses because of course) and shrewd, witch-like tactics that would be considered dishonorable by some other characters in the show. (Think card combinations like Mark of the Rose, which lets her take control of an opponent's monster during her turns, and Vengeful Servant, which lets this constant back-and-forth between who controls the monster result in damage to her opponent. It reads much like a witch magically bringing someone in her thrall.) What's interesting is that the deck also has a fire focus to some degree, though. Phoenixian Cluster Amaryllis (which burns itself to deal damage to the opponent), Rose Flame (a trap that burns the opponent every time a plant is summoned to their field) and even Black Rose Dragon (who is a fire attribute, despite her main association being plants). This fire theme doesn't consistently run through the entire deck, but it pops up often enough to suggest it was intentional—this, in turn, says some interesting things about Aki as a character. She plays a plant deck and is primarily represented by roses, yet plays cards associated with fire, which, in a real-world context, could very easily eradicate those plants. Combine that with Black Rose Dragon and her infamous board-wiping effect (which notably also destroys BRD herself) and you realise that at the start, Aki doesn't just represent the forest, she's also the fire consuming it. She tends a beautiful, if very dark garden, but she's also the one burning it to the ground, reflecting how she's tearing herself apart from the inside trying to stick to her Black Rose Witch persona even though it's actually hurting her. It's a shame they didn't let her duel much in the second half of the series, meaning that they got barely any chance to represent her character growth through her deck, either. There's more, though. Because the character decks are also interesting from a tactical standpoint to a degree. Now, Aki flip-flops around a fair bit in terms of tactics—she never really establishes herself to have a particular gimmick she sticks to in her duels, aside from maybe summoning Black Rose Dragon to wipe the field. But this is more about general stuff I noticed while working with the characters' cards, anyway. Aki has several monsters with unique effects and plenty to ways to deal effect damage (Phoenixian Cluster Amaryllis, Blossom Bombardment, Rose Flame and Evil Thorn to name a few). She has a few means of adding cards to her hand if she needs them (Magic Planter, Ground Capture, Offensive Guard and the speed spell Angel Baton), but her deck isn't exactly geared towards hand card advantage (especially in comparison to some other characters), which is something I often need to work around, especially when she’s duelling someone who can easily draw more cards. Of course, she also collects several ways to bring Black Rose Dragon back over the course of the series, both to use her first effect and because she's her ace monster (Wicked Rebirth, Blue Rose Dragon, Shining Rebirth and the combo between Synchro Back and Dimension Reversion), and while she's definitely not the most focussed on synchro summoning, she does have some interesting ways to interact with synchro monsters or get them on the field quickly (Urgent Tuning, Synchro Stream, Star Siphon, and Synchro Spirits). She also has some interesting traps to either outmanoeuvre her opponent, get back at them for attacking her, or protect herself from battle damage (Rose Curse, Nature's Reflection, Doppelganger, Rose Blizzard, Ground Capture, and Offensive Guard). And I really want to draw attention to the traps here, because in scripting duels, I've found that they act as extenders, especially those that end the battle phase or negate damage somehow. Inserting traps like that can be a breather to allow for some character interaction, and more often than not, that's reflected in the show, as well. Defensive traps come into play when the duel needs to be more drawn-out than it might be under real-life circumstances. (Considering the average yugioh game, from what I've heard, barely lasts more than three turns these days.) This goes double for turbo duels, by the way. Adding the character aspect and the tactical details of the deck together, it makes Aki out to be a capable duellist who doesn't tie herself down to one type of play. She's got a myriad of ways of dealing damage, she's got spells and continuous traps to make the field harder to navigate for her opponent (she's also one of the few non-dark signer characters who has a field spell of her own; Black Garden), but she also knows how to defend herself, her deck isn’t all-out aggression. Between the varying tactics and the plant theme, the deck gives the impression of being something like a living thing. It's a wild garden, at the end of the day, and accordingly, it's varied and plentiful.

Then there's Yusei. I could probably make a whole, exhaustingly long post of its own just about Yusei's cards, mostly because he gets so many during the series. The number of cards Yusei uses over the course of the show is enough to make up several other characters' entire decks. But this is about characters, themes and little strategic tidbits, so I'll try to rein myself in. Yusei's deck couldn't be a more accurate representation of his character if it tried. At the start of the show, it's all scraps and recycled things, encapsulating both Satellite, where he came from, his personal ethic that nothing's worthless, and his occupation; a mechanic, someone who fixes things. Many of his monsters, especially the synchro monsters, have a heroic aura to them, reflecting his courage and how he (mostly) stays cool under pressure (Junk Warrior, Shield Warrior, Stardust Dragon, Road Warrior). At the same time, he plays plenty of cutesy, low-level, critter-like monsters that go a long way towards showing he's still soft at heart (Sonic Chick, Quillbolt Hedgehog, Tuningware, Junk Synchron). Yusei's the guy who sticks up for others, he's the guy who will throw himself in harm's way to make sure nobody else has to. (This is also reflected in his cards; Stardust's self-sacrificing effect is well-known, of course, but it also shows in the many defensive traps he owns.) In comparison to some other characters, I would argue his deck at least outwardly appears less coherent, though; he doesn't stick to one archetype (though he has a lot of junk archetype monsters and a lot of warrior type monsters), some of his monsters don't share any design similarities at all and his spell- and trap arsenal is an interesting mixture between cards that are old and were well-established before 5Ds already and newer ones made up for the show. Plus, he always shows he's not afraid to use cards that seem like they "wouldn't fit him" (think Effect Veiler, Level Eater, Sonic Chick)—I take this to be intentional, too. After all, his deck is essentially a lovingly collected and tended box of scraps, something built under the motto "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts". Tactics-wise, Yusei's character is again reflected mostly in two things: 1. His inventiveness is reflected in how all the cards in his deck often quickly slot together into a larger whole and how he plays extensive combinations of cards to reach a greater strategic goal. 2. His natural tendency to defend others and face up to threats for their sake is reflected in his wide arsenal of defensive cards. (He has the largest array of defensive traps in the show by far, and given his character, I doubt that's just because he's the protagonist. Think Defense Draw, Card Defense, Ghost Gardna, Damage Eater, Zero Gardna, and, of course, Scrap-Iron Scarecrow.) He's quick on his feet with synchro summoning (and has by far the largest number of synchro monsters of all the characters), he's got a tuner for every synchro combo (Nitro Synchron, Junk Synchron, Turbo Synchron, Road Synchron, Quickdraw Synchron, you name it) and he's got several means to stock back up on hand cards when he needs it (Defense Draw and Spirit Force among them) and even more means to get an extra monster on the field when required (Junk Synchron, One for One, Debris Dragon, Give and Take, to name a few). And, of course, he's got many ways to get a monster back from the graveyard (Junk Synchron again, Graceful Revival, Limiter Break and Revival Ticket smong others). There's no play Yusei doesn't have a clever answer to and no corner he can't manoeuvre himself out of. At the end of the day, his deck reads like a toolbox, and that's what it is! Many parts, not all of which look like they belong to the same set, which he can slot together into the wildest of combinations because that's who Yusei is. He's someone who collects things others believe to be worthless, who uses any means available to him and considers aesthetics secondary, he's a guy who's inventive, who fixes things and who, though he plays defensively, never does so because he's on the back foot. If anything, you should be watching your back when Yusei's on the defence, because he's doubtlessly going to turn that into an advantage and pull off a combo you weren't expecting.

Finally, we get to Crow, whose deck was actually the inspiration for this post, because, to my slight surprise, I have found that Crow plays an absolute balls-to-the-wall deck. I will get back to what I mean by that further down, but first, character details. Crow is the only character we know of who essentially plays a deck he inherited from someone else; namely, Pearson. Though it was hinted in the show that he already liked Blackwings before ever knowing Pearson (seeing as he can be seen learning to read with a Blackwing card, I believe), I think we can agree that the reason Crow plays such an archetype-focussed deck, especially for someone born in Satellite, where this would have naturally been even more difficult, is that he dutifully hung onto the deck Pearson left him. And of course he did! Crow is a family-oriented character and Pearson was his family. Of course he'd treat that Blackwing deck (as well as the Blackbird) like his greatest treasures. (Also, crows and ravens irl are known to be fairly communal birds. Ravens are often even cited as being some of the most doting parents in the avian world, so that checks out, too.) Now, where the Blackwing monsters themselves are concerned, they also do a pretty good job of communicating who Crow is; they're full of tricks and slippery, they have lots of effects that help him outmanoeuvre and puzzle his opponent (Sirocco the Dawn, who can massively boost his fellow Blackwings' attack points, or Blackwing Armor Master, who can reduce the attack and defence points of any monster to zero for a turn, can't be destroyed by battle and from whose battles Crow takes no battle damage, or Aurora the Northern Lights, who can act like a synchro monster despite not being one). With Crow being a character who is first introduced to us while giving sector security the slip, it's no surprise whatsoever that his deck is the embodiment of corvid shrewdness. Where this gets doubly interesting is in the tactical bits. Crow notoriously has a whole armada of Blackwing effect monsters, all of which can already pose a not insignificant headache on their own (between Gale the Whirlwind halving a monster's attack and defence points, Fane the Steel Chain being able to attack directly and switch the battle position of your monster when he does, Bora the Spear being able to deal piercing damage over defence mode monsters... you catch my drift). And that's without going into his synchro monsters, of which he, interestingly enough, has the second-most among the main cast! (And which he can summon blindingly fast, considering his Blackwing monsters like to swarm the field and that he has no shortage of tuners.) What was interesting for me while rooting around in his canon cards, though, is that Crow has several cards boasting "revenge effects" (for lack of a better term; among them: Black Thunder, Blackwing - Boobytrap, Blackwing - Backlash, Black Wing Revenge and Guard Mines) and—and this is where we get back to my balls-to-the-wall point—little to no defensive traps. Crow is good at disrupting his opponents' plays (with cards like Chaos Life, Gravity Collapse, Urgent Tuning and Trap Stun, among others) and he's good at making them regret attacking him or destroying his monsters (see the "revenge" cards above), but as far as his defenses are concerned, the only "classical" defensive trap Crow plays in his entire deck is Mirror Force, and the only other card he uses to defend himself is Mistral the Silver Shield, who can nullify battle damage. Now, fair enough, this could have just been the way the character's deck developed in the show, but allow me to take this as an intentional choice for a moment. In which case, I have to say, his nickname "the bullet" suddenly makes a whole lot of sense! Crow plays a deck that likes to win fast. It affords him little to no defensive options (no cover) and also fairly little options to draw more cards (no ammo), meaning he either wins fast, or risks the chance of not winning at all. Combine this with what we know about his past and his character, and it makes perfect sense. He's a trickster, he’s cheeky, he's reckless and not one to be afraid; not with what the world has already thrown at him. (And don't even get me started on Black-Winged Dragon, who absorbs effect damage, but returns that damage along with an attack point loss of an opponent's monster, reflecting how Crow's used to occasionally taking the beating, both from Satellite gangs and sector security, but always gives back as good as he receives.) So he duels all-out, hard and fast, because he's got (almost) nothing to loose and everything to gain.

I might add onto this post if I ever find an opportunity to script duels for Jack, Rua, and Ruka, but for now, this is all I've got. Just some thoughts.

[darkherolovercroissant]

To Understand This

Short Story Series

Alejandro Vargas x Plus sized WOC Reader

This is a Bridgerton era style fic requested by @shadofireshinobi

This was supposed to be published in 2023, but Tumblr kept flagging it and crashing before I could save so I attempted this for the billionth time.

Warnings: Mature themes, mature language, smut, my writing, and anything I come across as I write this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hallways, once echoed the footsteps of happy children running while their father chased them while laughing himself.

Now, they echo the thousands of thoughts that have been circulating through my head as I walk down them. They used to hold such innocence and light, now it’s dark and full of fear.

The doors open and mother weakly smiled, she’s still grieving the inevitable pain of this family. It was no secret that father wasn’t in good health. He was dying slowly, I like to think he’s been trying to fight in order to see his family all in good hands first, but we all know that the illness takes its time. Dancing with its victims in a taunting manner.

Father had five children, but not one of them was a son, as such matters were obvious, father had no eligible child to pass the estate or fortune to. As such terrible laws, deemed us ladies unequal to a man, we couldn’t have been given much than the clothes on our backs.

Mother took my hand and her eyes were red from many unfortunate events. She guided me to father’s office, where my fate had been decided by a bunch of men that father knew, well before I was even born.

The doors open and the council of men had risen from their chairs and turned to welcome us as they handed mother the final papers.

“Colonel Vargas has agreed to your husband’s wishes. The colonel and your daughter will marry and the estate will be handed to him, as your husband wasn’t able to produce a male heir. Of course, no offence to you m’lady” one of the many men spoke with such professionalism.

“I hope my next words don’t carry insult towards you, but I’m on a quite busy schedule and unfortunately I must hurry this along so I can return to my men.” A deeper voice echoed from my left.

I turn to see who I gathered was the colonel himself. Much older than me, but still younger than the other men in this room. He was highly decorated and carried himself with such pride. The age difference between us was as obvious as the setting sun told us that nightfall was upon us. At least ten years to my current age, but it was common for older men to marry younger women, so they could give them as many children as they wanted.

Mother nodded and the men filed out of the once crowded room. Now, despite two remaining, it felt like I was alone in said room.

“I know this isn’t what you wanted, believe me when I say, that I begged your father to choose one of his other daughters, b-”

I raise my hand gently in a motion to stop her. I turn and I looked at my mother’s face very carefully. Taking in every small detail, maybe one day, this would be me and what I’ll look like. Full of pain and regret, just simply wishing it wouldn’t happen.

I nod my head and she sniffles before heading out to where father was laying no doubt. Probably to fill his final days with cursing him out for all the pain this has caused, but apologizing right after for ever causing him pain in his final moments.

————

The sunlight warming up the gardens as I walked through them, with my mind wandering as fast as my feet. So many questions about why this was happening. I was the one that refused to take in my duties growing up. Where my sisters all sought out company, I preferred to remain independent as I loved how peaceful the silence was. Father always said I was the most difficult to get through when it came to important matters.

He’d sit with me when I was younger and often told me what I should expect when I reached a mature age, but I simply couldn’t be more uninterested. I wasn’t interested in finding a husband and settling down.

I dreamed of having the biggest gardens, full of the prettiest flowers. I dreamed of having the biggest library, full of books that begged to be read. I dreamed of having that peaceful melody of sweet solitary playing in the background while I danced through life.

I dreamed of remaining independent until i finally came across someone that fit perfectly into my life.

I dreamed of having a choice, but atlas, I should’ve known better than to dream of things that could never happen. I was a foolish little girl, but the foolishness would end tonight, as tonight, my life would be made at the hands of others.

[uponawhitehorse13]

Tsukihime writing notes

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Tsukihime is very interesting to write for. Especially since there is literally no x reader content for it. Usually I’d read some other stuff before writing for it myself but in this case there wasn’t anything I could use as a basis so all the headcanons are mine. I did think about writing heroine x Shiki but I didn’t really like that idea. I write x reader posts mostly because I think it’s a fun way of analysing characters without needing to think too much about another whole character and all the ways they’d interact. This is also why I always keep the reader gender neutral even if the request specified a gender since I just in general don’t think gender would influence much in a relationship. Most of my experience writing comes from essays and such which is why I haven’t done that many prompt posts and have been instead focusing on alphabet headcanons. I do have ideas for more prompt posts and even got some requests from Cosmic’s inbox since he has more than 300 requests in there. Of course I’ll be writing the requests I get when I open them. I have also been thinking about writing for characters other than the main five heroines but I’m gonna have to see if  there’s even an interest in that. I have been trying to keep the posts mostly spoiler free with some foreshadowing in case someone sees them and decides to go read the VN. I definitely will be doing more spoiler filled posts but I’ll put warnings for them. I go by the logic that anything that would be obvious from playing melty isn’t a spoiler since most people will probably play melty before the VN. Anyways I just wanted to share some notes on how I’m going to be writing the characters. Also huge thanks to Cosmic and The Light for proofreading my posts and if anyone else would be so kind as to offer proofreading services I’d really appreciate it.

Arcueid is the easiest to write for by far. She has the most amount of official content and she has the least amount of trauma in her past that would affect a relationship. At least compared to the other heroines. Generally she just falls into the general archetype of non-human interacting with human things that you can see everywhere. I do have some interesting ideas to explore with Red Arcueid. Though I guess there wouldn’t be much difference between that and a yandere version of Arcueid.

Ciel is incredibly fun to write. She gets a lot of nice fluffy content I can go off while still having a tragic past. After being tortured by the church and also having to deal with all the things she did while Roa was possessing her she’s really not in a good emotional state. This is why I related her to the music of NIN since it has a lot of themes of self-loathing and cognitive dissonance. She very much hates herself and feels like others should hate her too. There’s probably a constant voice in the back of her head telling her she doesn’t deserve anything and that it’d be better if she was just gone.

Akiha presents quite a few issues. She’s the one case where a reader's gender would have an impact. Due to her upbringing she’s either homophobic or just doesn’t realise lesbian relationships exist. There’s also the issue of her being Shiki’s life support and her entire relationship with him in general. For the most part I’m probably going to ignore that just because it’s hard to fit into my writing. Vermilion Akiha is also another yandere-esque possibility for some fun writing.

Hisui is probably the hardest to write for simply because her route isn’t really focused on her and deals more with the past of the Tohno family. Since she doesn’t leave the mansion it’s also hard to think of ways she’d even end up in a relationship. I was also thinking about how gender would impact her “never letting a man touch me” rule but to keep the experience universal I scrapped the idea. Her personality is something I think wouldn’t really change. “Old habits die hard” and all that. Honestly I don’t think it’s much more than a superficial rule she imposes onto herself. If she got touched suddenly she’d react so quickly that she wouldn’t even have time to think of the person’s gender. Did have some thoughts about her being very wary of signs of her partner being abusive but then I realised she’d probably let it happen. She feels very guilty for Kohaku suffering instead of her and even Akiha has to deal with a lot more so while she imposes the no touching rule on herself as a way of convincing herself she’s doing what Kohaku would’ve wanted the guilt would push her towards more self-sacrificial behaviour.

Kohaku has a lot going on. The ever popular Kohakiha ship probably has the most content out of all the pairings in the game. I definitely see the appeal and I might even reference it in some works I have planned but we’ll see. Don’t think I’m gonna be writing her as toxic and manipulative though. I honestly feel if she was allowed to have a normal relationship it’d really improve her mental health. I think the game implies this too. She does say she was emotionless even before coming to the mansion but I think that’s just a consequence of her being an orphan.

[assignedpeanutallergyatbirth]

I’m not entirely sure how to articulate this thought, so bear with my internet. I would like to discuss two scenes in Stranger Things.

The first is S2 E1 starting 30:50, it’s a Wheeler dinner scene and Mike is told that he needs to put together two boxes worth of things to sell at the yard sale.

When he protests it goes like this:

Mike: “I’m fine with you giving away a couple, but the other ones just have way too much emotional value”

Karen: “Emotional value?”

Ted: “They’re hunks of plastic Michael.”

As the scene goes on, we find out that they’ve already taken away his Atari, and that the reason the Wheeler parents are doing all of this is because Mike has been acting out. This scene is particularly interesting because it falls between Lucas and Dusting finding out who Max is (plot relevant) and Nancy and Steve having dinner with Barb’s parents (plot relevant), but it doesn’t appear to have any plot relevance itself. Mike’s behavior isn’t mentioned again, and the only purpose this scene seems to serve is to show that Mike is struggling without El. Or to show that the Wheeler parents don’t understand him and do not try to.

The second scene, and the one that stands in sharp contrast in my mind, is in season 4. In S4 E9 1:52:19, right before the California crew shows up at the Wheeler house, Karen brings out a box of Nancy’s old things that she found in the attic. They are packing boxes to bring to the shelter at the school. Nancy finds her childhood stuffed animal Mr. Rabbit in one of these boxes, and Karen says “It’s okay if you want to save him, you know?” She acknowledges that this toy has emotional value to Nancy, while she scoffed at the concept that Mike’s possessions might be important to him.

Obviously the context of these two scenes is very different. Mike is being punished, while Nancy is donating voluntarily. In season 4, Hawkins has just experienced a massive earthquake and I’m sure Karen is very worried. She even expresses more worry towards Mike than we have ever seen when he arrives. But there is no reason why she should not have been this sympathetic in season 2. By that point Mike had already been through some shit, and even if she did not know the full extent, she knew that Will was presumed dead and was visited by the government officials who said that he was in great danger. But in season 2, she brushes it off as “We know you’ve had a hard year, Michael, but we’ve been patient.” She acknowledges his struggles and immediately dismissed them.

And I know that comparing scenes like this gets a little iffy, and that the Duffer brothers haven’t watched season 2 in a while — hence Will’s birthday. But the one thing that stays consistent is character writing (Mike’s character is consistently written, and I will probably have to word vomit a post about it at some point). So while I doubt that these two scenes are supposed to stand in contrast, the family dynamics that they highlight do stand out, and I feel that comparing them in this way is fair game.

Which gets me to the point of my argument. So often while discussing the Wheeler parents, we focus on the differences between Ted and Karen. But they both kind of suck. More significant, I would argue, is the difference in how the parents treat Mike and Nancy. Karen especially connects with Nancy more often than she does Mike. Any heart to heart conversations that we see her have are with Nancy. Her character building is done through connecting with Nancy, most especially the scenes after Nancy is fired from the newspaper. With Mike, the only support he seems to get from his mom comes in the form of 3 hugs: after they find “Will’s” body, after the Byers’s move, and after he comes back from California. If you read the novelization Lucas on the Line, Karen tries to help Mike in his (apparent and obvious) depression by inviting Lucas and Dustin over. She plans this whole themed sleepover, but then calls her son foul to Lucas, in front of Mike. She disregards anything that is important to Mike, yet still expects him to come to her with important things. However with Nancy, she makes more of an effort. She reaches out to Nancy first, after Nancy was fired from the newspaper. Karen has to knock on Nancy’s closed door in order to have this conversation. This is a decent amount of effort put in. Karen makes the first move, whereas with Mike, she relies on him to reach out, even going so far as to stop Ted from talking to him after “Will’s body is found because “He’ll come to us when he’s ready.”

And please note: I have nothing against Nancy. I love Nancy as a character. I just think that the way the Wheeler parents, especially Karen, treat Nancy and Mike is very different and worth noting.

[izar-tarazed]

NAME: Zari (technically Září)

PRONOUNS: she/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)? My Tarnished, Izar. (Although I guess at this point it’s only fair to include Ensha as well, although he’ll rarely show up on his own.)

RP PET PEEVES?

Can’t really think of one, to be honest. I mean, there are obvious no-gos (powerplaying/godmodding), but I’ve yet to come across someone who does that. Other than that…?

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?

Regarding tumblr RP specifically, I’ve only picked that up this year. (Not completely new to tumblr—I had a Skyrim themed blog some years ago but somehow never came across RP there.)

However, I roleplayed privately with a friend in a forum for about ten years, going through an array of characters (both fandomless OCs and OCs/NPCs from different games). Besides, I’m a writer, so storytelling and crafting character arcs has been a part of my life for the longest time, which helps.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?

The balance does it, I guess? I don’t write smut but both fluff and angst can be fun to write and great for character development (be it individual or regarding the dynamics between characters).

In storytelling, I tend to allow characters moments of fluff in order to recover from particularly intense angst (or lull them into a false sense of security before hitting them with angsty stuff). Likewise, I have fun with both in RP. (I think I'm leaning a little more towards angst with Izar, given the setting.)

PLOTS OR MEMES?

Yes!

To elaborate, I enjoy both. Memes are often great for exploring a character or character dynamics in a very specific situation, allow for some bite-sized, lighthearted interaction, or even serve as starting point for a larger thread.

Plots mean more commitment but cooking them up together is just fun and I love it. They’re really about cooperative storytelling (memes are more like improv, I guess).

Like with fluff and angst, balancing them a little works best for me because the details I might learn about my characters thanks to a meme will often come in handy in plot contexts, and help to provide more depth.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?

I’ll usually try to match my RP partner’s length, so I won’t write an entire novel as a reply to one paragraph. Generally, though, I lean towards longer replies.

TIME TO WRITE?

YES!

I write on a daily basis, and while that also means non-RP stuff (both original and fanfiction), I’ve come to include my tumblr threads in that routine. After all, it’s storytelling! I don’t have a real schedule, though. I’ll sometimes try to get my writing done first thing in the morning—when I settle down at my desk with my coffee—, but busy days might find me desperately squeezing out my daily wordcount waaaaay beyond bedtime.

But there definitely is time to write everyday. I make that time. I’ve worked hard to make it so and have writing become an essential part of my routine, so my day simply isn’t complete without some writing.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?

…yes, I totally just stand leaning against walls and stare at people in silence at all times. And then I try to kill them.

Okay, seriously, I guess Izar might have inherited some traits I have and some struggles I can relate to. Constantly questioning whether you’re doing the right thing? Check. Getting enthusiastic about rather specific niche knowledge in my fields of interest and expertise? Check. [*inhales deeply* ...like. do you ever think about how 16th century and later Spanish chronicles basically manufactured indigenous discourse by, for example, quoting indigenous people of Peru as supposedly describing the Spaniards’ horses—foreign to them—as ‟strange llamas,” only that llamas in turn were foreign to Spaniards so they phrased the allegedly indigenous comparation as ‟some kind of sheep,” despite sheep being as foreign to Peru as horses, so they were trying to mimick what they supposed would be the indigenous worldview yet ended up being very European about it?] …yes. I can slip a llama into every conversation, but that’s not something Izar does. However, now that I think about it, with her enthusiasm to learn more about the specific cosmovisions of the different cultures and species in the Lands Between, I realize I may have accidentally made her a cultural anthropologist—like me—at heart. ____

Tagged by @necrophcge (sorry it took so long)

Tagging: ... I have the feeling that most people already got tagged and did this, so... whoever wants to?

[blackvahana]

Unknown Void(?) language, 17/6/24

Lev pointed out last night that, while I was seeing it English, the self-writing book I was working with was actually recording in the same language(?) that the book now at the bottom of the gas-giant-cum-abyssal-ocean was written in.

I don’t want to get too much into it because I’d rather stream it out of me before dissecting it so I don’t start trying to force it into beliefs and rules surrounding what I think it should be…. Guess I’ll just get myself to write another couple pages.

The writing is partly linear. Taking this sketch of one page for example:

All of it’s in black, red’s just to illustrate something later.

The major theme(s) of the page are way bigger than the rest of the writing, sort of leaving it a little like a word-cloud-meets-magnet-altering-iron-filings, the words of the entire things bend towards the main concept… Except they don’t? They do? They heavily seem like they do. It’s more like those realistic portraits that are contained in perfecty concentric circles, you just see a face because the width of the lines is changing in relation to the features of the person being depicted, but the intent to depict the face is there like the intent to depict the gravitation is here.

Various important “words” pop out as larger, though this kind of shows (me) that it’s a… Syllabic set of characters? Characters are a mix between syllables of energy and meaning strung between them, so to a human on this plane’s mind it would pobably be classified as letters/syllables, but the syllables are strung together into temporary characters. This is hard to explain because that may seem like arguing that English words are “temporary characters”, but the difference is that when strung together they energetically become one whole. Think of English letters forming words as bits of pipes screwed together to act as one pipe, characters like kanji as singular tubes of whole pipes, and this more like when you screw the “letters” together they magically merge into one pipe with no screws. Bad metaphor.

It's a very expression-based language. Think of the whole syllabic symbols as words things like how w-o-r-d becomes "werd" when spoken, a single sound, a single unified thing, because we don't speak "w-o-r-d", the act of writing here is much more like the act of speaking than writing. Anyway

Now to the red part. The symbols are written in a way that reminds me of musical notation with sharps and flats. A base character, like a primal sound, is written and then altered by strings of characters above and below it. It’s sort of like writing:

ing driving driving

I go car shops home

am using to to

… to say effectively “I’m going to the shops then coming home”, constructed more like “I am going (driving) to the shops then to (driving) home” with various parts of that conceptualisation implied or spoken in different parts.

Lighter more transient alterations are on top, these are very solar based in my head, then heavier more stagnant, grounding things are on the bottom which are lunar based, though I think it might be more day-night, or light-dark based… I’d have to figure out which person incarnated into me is talking about this though and where it comes from because for me personally sun is grounded, heavy, and stagnant and then the Moon is transient and light.

Actually, I’ve been theorising that this is some version of Void Fae/Shadow Person type talking for. obvious reasons, but if this was more so Light Void + Dark Void = Void that would make more sense. Still, though, I can’t help but notice I smell Grey on it, I guess there’s nothing saying he didn’t learn this from someone and add it to his menagerie of languages.

I am wondering if maybe he took a Void language and then repurposed it slightly in order to call on the Void, which…. Hmm. Possibly. I’ll need to gather selves and investigate.

There is definitely a spoken version of this, I dug it up in muscle memory and oh boy am I not speaking it outside religious and ritual and magical stuff. It’s vibratory, very heavy and intense in, well, vibration. That’s part of why I’m like “Grey, where are you with regards to this..” because. Dragon Gets His Hand On Void’s Open Secrets vibes. Anyway. It's growl-y, it's heavy, it's watery

It’s also very sigil-esque not visually but in terms of magic and manifestation, and sigils are already tied to the Void. It reminds me of a distant great great aunt or something of the “Take an intent, turn it into a sentence, reduce it to letters, then sigilise it" type of sigils, in the way that a younger generation may start trying to reinvent disco while calling it something else without realising its the same kind of thing. In this case though, it's more like the Void expressing itself in parts like this and forming sigil-esque expressions that are only being labelled sigil-esque because people on this plane generally only know how to do what it does through sigils.

[gffa]

Hello there. I’ve followed you for a while now and I just love reading your metas and thoughts on Star Wars related things. I’ve often wished I could write the same thought provoking metas as you and others I follow but I don’t think my mind works the same. Sometimes I feel like I’m not smart enough. When I read books I get pulled into the stories but I feel like I engage with them more on an emotional level than an analytical one. And this isn’t anyones fault but sometimes when I read other peoples metas, I feel….kinda dumb? I’m not really sure where I’m going with this…I love the things you write and I love Star Wars and the characters and themes so much. I guess I just wish I had the ability to engage with it like you and so many others do. There isn’t really a question here. I’m just dumping my anxious thoughts into your ask box so please feel free to ignore this.

Hi! That's not dumb at all, people often times just work differently, they engage with stories differently and it depends on what way you enjoy that engagement that you should pursue. I know that sounds kind of trite and twee, but it’s still very true.  If getting swept up in a story on a more emotional level enhances the experience for you, then that’s fantastic!  Think how much experience you’re getting out of your experience, an emotional-driven reaction is an incredibly satisfying way of experiencing a story. That said, most of the people I know who write analytical posts do so because a) they really love the experience of writing these things out and examining the stories in this way, it enhances the experience to look at it through these lenses and b) they have practiced this a lot. Believe me, when I first started writing meta pieces, many fandoms ago, I was terrible at it!  I had fun with it, but it took me a lot of years to be able to refine my style to where I wanted it--and, honestly, it’s still evolving and changing and growing to what I want out of it these days, too.  I still look at other people’s meta and feel a spark of envy because they make it look so easy and they’re so smart!  Why can’t I be smart like that?, I think. But, really, it’s a skill like any other, one that few people are just handed on a silver platter, even if they may make it look easy.  I’ve been writing meta for a very long time and I’ve trained myself to recognize the kind of themes and patterns I want, so when I get on-line, I know what I want to say.  I’ve written enough that I have a feel for the pattern of words I want to say.  And this is a fun experience for me, because that’s what lights my brain up, the whole process of talking about themes and drawing parallels between different scenes! If you want to write more analytical posts, as with anything else, you just gotta start writing your thoughts out, even if it feels super obvious or basic (or even outright dumb) at first.  The important thing is that you do this because you enjoy it, because you’re having a good time talking about a show you like, and then you’ll naturally find the style and depth you want to write about a show at. It all really comes down to practice, practice, practice, and focusing on whatever approach genuinely makes you happy.  Sure, I can whip out a Star Wars essay at the drop of a hat, but I probably don’t have the same emotional engagement with a show that you do--which of those is more valuable to you?  Because they’re both perfectly great ways of doing things!