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dairine-bonnet · 1 year

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Hardly a fairy tale

Looking back, Malak sometimes wonders how real their feelings for each other were. Or they simply reveled in forbidden desires, condemned by the masters, conscious violation of the rules of the Order and passion caused by the excitement of the competitive spirit, which might have easily mixed up with something more menacing.

P.S. Here Malak is thinking about Revan and their relationship, of course.

#certainly want to read something new about fem revan/malak #or see new revalek art #but there’s nothing and I’m trying to write something myself #and it seems like a drama once again!#A fic writer I know said once #I love to make my characters suffer #you can think that I’m a sadist in a real life. But this is not true #I can say the same thing about myself :D #I'm just into tropes in which characters overcome difficulties confess their problems and mistakes heal each other then #and finally start building a healthy relationship #that stuff #something like from good things-to bad things-to good ones again #And yes Malak you’re not right and you know that deep down in your heart #though in his case it's hard not to doubt everything he believed in earlier #it's the last paragraph so far and 'the action' takes place after the War #malak #darth malak #revan #female reman #fem revan #f!revan #female revan #revalek #revalak #darth revan #revanxmalak #kotor #knights of the old republic #kotor 1 #silly thoughts

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coffeebanana · 2 months

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anyone who writes hurt/comfort of my blorbos breaking bones…i will love you forever just saying

#I have like. such a SPECIFIC craving for those fics #and nothing I find scratches the itch I am reduced to writing myself but I am only one person who can only write so fast #(aka not fast at all)#anyways it’s truly a tragedy #will also accept sprains and dislocations I’m not that picky #but I’m writing these tags out like WHY AM I ADMITTING TO THIS #even though it’s really not that weird #anyways I don’t really expect anyone to read this post and write something for it but a girl has to try 😂#but also PLEASE DONT FEEL PRESSURED TO WRITE THINGS IM JUST BEING SILLY GOOFY #also what if it was sapphic what then 👀#okay I’m shutting up now!!

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figofswords · 7 months

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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

#the problem is. actually there are several problems #1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic #2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought #3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing #so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing #so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better #unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting #but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week #I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March #the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look #and also I would feel bad #I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN #and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going #but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting #I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing #just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC #I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread #I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh

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yeyayeya · 9 months

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I’m back! Well, not necessarily, but I’m on the road back home. I am mentally exhausted, but my break back in Mexico was fun! I won’t exactly get back to posting normally, but I will in a few days

#yeyarants #nobody probably cares #but to the few mutuals that do #hello again!#I’ve been offline the past two weeks and haven’t gotten checked on things in a bit #i NEED to watch the two TGCF season 2 episodes before posting my reaction to them #but I need a bit of a break rn lol #the break felt like nothing and now I gotta go back home #like I miss it… but also not really #Mexico just feels so different but in a good way #I will post my reactions to episodes 9 and 10 don’t worry #and the small bits of time to myself I’ve been trying to write something #I’m halfway done #and my plan is to post it here in February #and if not hopefully by March #it’s something I’ve been working on and I want to share it but I also feel self conscious about it #but it’s the most I’ve ever written!#and really want to share it #it’s basically an OTP prompt thing which is writing something about said OTP every day of the month #and if you know me then you know which two ships #Idc if it doesn’t get that much attention #even just a little bit would make me happy and I plan on posting it on ao3 and sharing it on my blog #still don’t know if I should make post it chapter by chapter or making a series and posting each prompt individually #the prompts were like one to three words and I wrote quite a lot for it #the average for most of them are around 700 words #but again #felt like sharing this small update and what I’ve been doing

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archduke-enver-gortash · 9 months

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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

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adonis-koo · 1 year

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Time heals everything so just let it do it’s work. If u can’t stomach the thought of love, then don’t force it. It will come when it’s ready.

Ik it’s sucks to think that maybe he wasn’t as into you as he said, but at least you were honest and loved them to the fullest extent which is really admirable.

And plz give him a side glare upon my behalf whenever u see him at work

my intention has been settled the entire day as ‘it’s okay to grieve what wasn’t meant for me’

i ended up talking to him outside at work yesterday and we talked about how we both felt, how it went down, it was…a very bittersweet feeling, but I understood where he was coming from and why he made his decision, I gave him my few thoughts in relation and spared him all the feelings I’m reconciling now.

we left things on good terms, because even if it wasn’t love, we still cared for one another deeply, and that still meant something.

does it still hurt? it does, but will I be okay eventually? I will, I do firmly believe it. another mantra I’ve been repeating is ‘I will never miss out on what is meant for me’

also I unfortunately don’t have the heart to sideglare him and it’s also no longer possible because yesterday was my last day 🎉 I’m off to get another job working with kids and I’ll be getting my licensing for it.

I’m very excited because this something I’ve been wanting to do for a long while and just didn’t realize there was a niche to get in to start. will it work out? hell if I know, I thought this would work out and it turned into a total dumpster fire 💀

but regardless I’m embracing the journey for what it is. anyways I’m gonna stop using this blog as my journal now, because I’ve accidentally projected on here for two months straight and if you scroll far enough you can watch this train wreck go down in 4K and I’d that isn’t embarrassing then idk what is💀

#missy answers #anon #also thank you for your sweet words Anon 😭#I’ve been trying to be patient with myself the last few days #i have a few days before my new job starts so I’m just gonna take this time #to allow myself to rest and recover #from both the physically and emotionally tax of this last job #will I eventually feel better about writing?#i will #it just still sucks because if there was one thing I was excited to get back into #it was writing #and then I opened up the docu for sweet nothing #and literally wanted to vomited because 😭 it’s just too painful to read right now #HOWEVER I did manage to finish chapter 17 of wicked #but only because it required a certain kind of guttural sensation #that I could only acquire after something like a breakup

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eijiroukiriot · 2 years

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eighty three average (krbk)

- College AU - bakusquad all together in a house - the pining stage of Friends to Lovers - 5k - Rated T -

Prev: “In high school, did you do physics?”

“No way. APES.” As Ashido shakes her head, her earrings catch the pink neon light of the wall behind her. It looks like a little swarm of fireflies is caught in her hair. “Soooo much cooler. Our final exam was camping.”

“Oh, sick,” Jirou says.

“Well. Camping while digging up a lot of worms.” Ashido wrinkles her nose. Tomo must have been in the same class as her. In the few months after that exam, he remembers hearing a lot more about worms than a high school guy normally would put into a conversation. Maybe Tomo was doing it on purpose, to freak him out. It kinda worked on Tanaka. Tomo must’ve forgotten how many worms Eijirou moved back to the grass with his bare hands when they were kids.

On the lowest string of her guitar, Jirou plays a waaah waaah waaah sound. “See, Kirishima. It could be worse. You could be digging up worms right now.”

With his bare hands. “Nothing is worse than physics.”

Summary: In which Kirishima does no physics, works his way through all three floors of he and his friends' college house, and accidentally solves a problem that has nothing to do with the lab he has due tomorrow.

Note: happy 5 years of krbk!! 🎉 no matter how much time goes by, everything is good when it’s with them

Read on Ao3

#kiribaku #my hero academia #bnha #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #my writing #i’ve been in such a slump. and this is such a silly self indulgent one but it really pulled me out #it’s so slice of life and just them all having conversations about nothing but i really really loved writing it #and mostly i’m so happy to have something for krbk day!!!#couch drawing mayyy or may not happen this week. but this fic was such a chance to just sit and think abt them #it was mostly written in big long sitting sessions #i have this thing where if I’m really really into writing a fic I wanna think abt it all the time but try to limit myself #so I don’t get tired of it before i can actually sit down and work on it #this one though i was tweaking on the bus and daydreaming abt in spare moments at work #that’s really building it up for something so extremely up my own alley #only like the back third of this is krbk #but still i liked writing it so much. i love krbk but i also just love bnha and its characters #and i have for 5 years!! woohoo!!#have a nice end to your weekend everyone and think of krbk today for me

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myname-isnia · 6 months

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I always forget just how many love songs I have in my playlist until I’m having an ultra-love-repulsed day and have to try my best to contain my breakdown until I get home

#21 out of 61 songs are related to love in some way #and it always feels like my playlist is trying to give me as many in a row as it can #must’ve gotten like 5 one after the other while walking home today #it’s too much of a hassle to keep taking my phone out of my backpack to switch songs so I just grit my teeth and bear it #and I know my playlist literally can’t read my mood. it’s not sentient. it’s a program #but when I’m so strung out it really does feel like it’s doing it on purpose #and hearing those songs makes everything so much worse #days like these I cannot stand any mention of love or romance or sex or anything else of the sort #I can’t read or think about it without feeling awful #can’t draw can’t write can’t watch shows. nothing #worst thing is I never know when I’ll be having a day like this so I can’t prepare by isolating myself or anything #like preparing a separate playlist with no love songs #bc the only way to find out is to get triggered #which… isn’t something I particularly like doing. at all #and I can’t even indulge in my latest interests because guess fucking what it centres around #ughhhhhhhhh. why couldn’t I have just stayed bi and not have to deal with any of this

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americanrecord · 6 months

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hey Kelsey!! I’m just catching up on the Californian motel series that u sent over and I’m currently reading the chapter “feel the void”

wow. what a heavy chapter,, i read the words ‘call izzy’ and SOBBED this is the last thing i was expecting but as always your writing is so beautiful and so respectful - hope your okay and cannot wait for when you release your book!

#submission #replying in tags because it’s a submission but —#that was such a terrible chapter to write lol! i scrolled through it briefly and i remember sitting in the kitchen of my college apartment #& i had the place to myself for the weekend so i cranked out this and the chapter before it #and i remember specifically with feel the void - i was like sweating while writing it #it was very intense! even for me! because it was a scene i would’ve been envisioning for like 3 years at that point #and the book was so drastically different from what i envisioned when i developed this plot (which was actually before i even wrote RQ) but #the scene was still something like what i’d always pictured even if it was so dark and nauseating #i did try my best to be careful and respectful and not graphic however!! i always felt like letting implications do the heavy lifting for #this sort of stuff was always the way to go #so glad you’re enjoying it & apologies in advance for the misery fest of king nothing #sorry that i left it on such a terrible note #i sometimes wish i could go back to it but i don’t think i could do it on good conscious anymore #or bc of how my writing has developed #also i’m doing well!! just busy and trying to push suicide blonde into something publishable <3 #thanks for your support !! 🩶#✉︎ — confessions.#save

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merevide · 11 months

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it’s one of those nights.

#ok i’m gonna ramble a bit because it’s all hitting me like rn #first of all. i hate this song. but i also love this song.#and my birthday is tomorrow and i’ve felt soooo fucking ill about it like more i’ll than usual #n this song has haunted me all year like every time i listen to it i gotta reflect that wow i haven’t done anything with my life i’m #practically friendless and hobbyless and don’t really enjoy doing anything #AND I’VE ALSO BEEN SPENDING IT literally wishing that i wasn’t alive #or hating myself or hurting myself or sabotaging myself #or straight up not remembering anything because apparently that’s a side effect. a symptom #and i gotta rely on myself more than ever like to be more of an emotional rock than i already have to myself #and so many people who are in my age range are actually doing something or living their lives and i have it pointed out to me all the time #and it feels like it’s all hitting me at once. while i also feel like i still wanna sabotage or hurt #n then i remember that all i’ve really known about myself was the hurt and the concern #n it’s like wow. i really hate myself! i’m not doing shit!#but there are good parts so that’s what matters. and i try and focus on those good parts and then something hits me and then nothing matters #so i really hate this song bc it makes me think. but also i’m not gonna miss this year i almost got put in a psych unit i’m not even joking #anyway. i feel like this will all break me and the pressure will get to me and i’ll be on the floor crying again but also i really should’ve #died when i was born but i didn’t! so that means! something!#so yay 🎉 i’m alive. i should write this all down in a journal #my text #marina atd #she should i release this song bc it’s really that good i can’t take it #Spotify

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salsflore · 2 years

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ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

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s-cullayy · 1 year

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Sometimes I fall into a trap while writing where I make my characters too Good™. Like too calm too reasonable too rational too emotionally aware and centered etc etc so lately I’ve started approaching a scene by starting with asking “what would a rational person likely do in this situation”, and then after that asking “now what would an irrational person possibly do”. Usually snaps me out of it

#unless the character is supposed to be that type of course #they do serve their narrative purpose #I just hate when characters sound like they’re trying to win therapy!!!!!#it can only be good if that character is a critique of people who weaponize therapy speak #thinking about this rn because I’m working on [redacted] and I realized I’m hesitant to add something #BECAUSE it’s conflict and I’m laughing at myself #I just want them to be happy and for nothing bad to happen but also here comes the boulders baby!!!!!!!#inside you are two wolves #maybe I need to just write a quick domestic fluff bit and get it out of my system #(<- the devil speaking)

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unhinged-nymph · 2 years

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.

#i told myself I wasn’t going to do posts like this anymore but here we are #please ignore #i truly don’t understand what I’m supposed to be living for #I’m tired and sad and so so broke and I have no energy or motivation or inspiration to do ANYthing #I’m trying really hard to convince myself that this is all worth it but like??#the math ain’t mathin #i don’t get to experience love or intimacy #I’m in a job that I’m so sick of but I don’t have the energy to try to find a new one #especially because I don’t even want to work to begin with #i can’t get myself to focus long enough to read or write #i literally come home from work and just stare at the ceiling #or I’m running myself ragged doing colorguard bullshit #i don’t want to do any of this anymore it’s so boring and overwhelming at the same time #and like the world is literally falling to shit around us?#and there’s nothing I can do about it #i just don’t know if I’ll ever find something that makes life worth living #gosh everything seems so pointless and hopeless #I’m not even sad really just so fucking disappointed in myself and this dumb little life #and now what? how am I supposed to fix this? what can I even do?#i have no money no support no back up plan nowhere to go nothing to do #I’m just stuck here with no way out because I’m so alone and mentally I’ll and honestly just so discouraged #i keep thinking that I’ve found my new rock bottom and then someone throws down a shovel and tells me to start digging #i have no idea where to go from here #i keep trying to just take it a day at a time but days just keep coming and going and things get worse not better #and I fall further and further behind #and I’m simply just not strong enough to do anything about anything #I’m OVER this

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fingertipsmp3 · 1 month

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Kinda want to create one of those like 100 days of self care or mental health or something challenges for myself & post abt it each day to hold myself accountable

#i keep seeing them when i look up stuff about language learning #it’s kinda like just posting your habit tracker for everyone to see i guess #which feels v vulnerable but i still kind of want to do it #it’d purely just be me trying to enforce healthy habits for myself instead of spending all my downtime on my phone and filling my body #with crap #i definitely would want to track: sobriety (no buying or ingesting weed or alcohol or any other substance that has not been prescribed)#am i taking care of my nails and not biting them or picking up my cuticles #am i taking my hands (moisturising them and applying eczema cream if needed)#language learning: speaking; listening; writing; reading spanish. plus learning new material and reviewing old material #go out once per day. eating of fruits and vegetables maybe. taking vitamins (especially vitamin d and iron)#am i doing my skincare. am i doing any haircare. am i doing a workout (even if low intensity)#hobby activites: knitting; reading; crochet #8 hours of sleep. AVOIDING UNNECESSARY PURCHASES (which i would define as anything i don’t need to live or that won’t appreciably improve #my quality of life. like subscriptions i have can stay. food is always fine. prescriptions and anything for health are fine #if something happens like my earbuds break i’m allowed to replace them but i’m not allowed to randomly decide i need a better pair when the #ones i have are fine. stuff like that)#okay this is a lot more categories than i actually thought i had lol. and i haven’t even added anything like home maintenance #the only things i reliably stay on top of are dishes and trash. everything else i take WAY too long to get around to #but i don’t know how to quantify that #i’ve always just figured as long as nothing is visibly gross or smells i’m doing okay #personal

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lightspren · 3 months

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u ever feel like u had one good original idea and that was It and you’re never going to manage it again

yeah

#kit talks #i have all these Fragments of ideas for stories but nothing concrete #i’m just trying to give myself a bit of a break from fateguard so i can come back to second draft edits fresh #but i can’t Not obsess over something so i’m trying to think of a new story #but i can’t. for the life of me. think of a new magic system #it’s all too basic. it’s all too plain! i need to get weirder!!!!! idk how to get weirder so i can make something cool!!!!!!#gaaaAAAAAHHHHHH #kit writes

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eternallynamelessvoid · 6 months

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Ha I just started thinking about hopeless everything is and almost started crying. Jokes on myself, I’m fucking amazing at shoving shit in boxes.

I will simply /not/ break down until my lungs fill with my tears and my veins are overrun with my dying marrow.

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